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filthy-baee · 2 years ago

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My favorite drug | Drugdealer!Eddie Munson x Cheerleader!Reader

Summary: I just came here to the party for the drug(s)(dealer). Losely based on the song Drugs by UPSAHL.

Warnings: drugs, chocky!Eddie, smut, piv sex without protection (don´t do that shit or you will get pregnant...and die), subby!reader, kinda dom!eddie, choking, I surely forget something. Also this isn't proof read.

A/N: Damn, I don´t even remember when I last wrote a whole fanfiction. My other tumblr is pretty "big" with over 2000 followers, but I am kinda out of this fandom I wrote about, so I moved here with my writing. I hope you like it. Also english isn´t my first language so there will be some spelling and grammar errors - I am sorry!

You hated these parties. They were stupid and boring, just like the people who hosted them. The drugs were the only reason you even got here in the first place. To be honest, it was more the drugdealer that had your attention. You were both from totally different groups but every time you saw him your heart skipped a beat. You tried to talk with him as often as you could, even if he seemed surprised you did. Your friends always looked strange when you talked with him or were nice to him.

You couldn't explain it, but you had a massive crush on him actually. You were not sure if he will even come to this party but you hope he does. He has the best weed in town and most people in your age group take drugs, even if they would never admit it. So most of the time he is a welcome face at these kind of house parties.

„So you know, when school is over I will leave this shitplace and move states.“ You looked at the guy who talked with you, a small smile on your lips so you seemed interested. You nodded and took a sip from the beer in your hand. „Interesting.“ you lied and watched the people come and go through the door. The boy knew that you waited for someone, as he saw your eyes nearly glued to the front door, hoping to see the one you waited for. He came closer and said „Yeah well, I need to go now. Can I get a hug from you?“. You just shrugged your shoulders and gave him a quick hug. He smelled like awfully cheap cologne, beer and citrus. You hated the smell of citrus and your stomach turned at the smell. You padded his back and he removed his arms from you, getting the hint that the hug was over.

He waved at you, as he went through the door of the living room and disappeared from your sight. You waved back and took another sip from your beer. It was warm and tasted like shit actually. You don't even know why you drank that beer. You hated the taste of it, even if it would be cold. Also the feeling in your body from alcohol was just strange, you were more of a stoner. You walked around the house, you can't even remember who hosted this party. That's the good thing about being a cheerleader. You can you to any party and you are always welcome. You were on the search of a bathroom to calm down a little. Your body felt tense from the beer. As you walked around the house without any direction, you heard a familiar laugh. As you turned around you saw the reason you came here.

Eddie. Damn how can he look so fine? His leather jacket hugged his body perfectly and you let out the breath you didn't even know you were holding in. He makes you just so nervous. You fumbled with your fingers as you moved closer to him. He was talking with another cheerleader, but you didn't really know her that well. You just knew her name was Rebecca. She smiled at him as he gave her a small bag of weed. She gave him the money for the stuff and went away as fast as she could. You knew most people only talk with him, so they can get weed or other drugs. You hated these people. You wish they could see Eddie the way you see him.

“Hey Eddie.” You came closer to him and looked in his dark eyes. He smiled as he saw you. “Hey princess. What are you doing here? I thought you didn't like parties much?” Damn, he knew you. “Well I-” you started to speak as he watched you intensely. Your face grew redder every second, you could feel the blood rush in your cheeks. “Everything ok? You look a little red. Do you need some fresh air?” he asked and holds a hand to my forehead. “Damn. You are hot. I mean- your head is hot.” he stumbled around but was still smiling at you. He took your hand in his and pushed you through the front door. No one was around and you two were alone for the first time ever.

He still held your hand and Eddie lightly squeezed your hand. Your thighs rubbed involuntary together and you felt the familiar knot forming in your core. You felt so small compared to him. His broad shoulders and his dark features made your pussy clench around nothing. Eddie looked down at you and watched you intensely. “W-What?” you stammered and met his strong gaze. He smirks and rubs this thumb over your hand. “You are so cute. Do I make you flustered, Y/N? Now that we are alone?” You tried to appear calmer but you were so nervous. When he said such things it made you even wetter. You just nodded and bit your lower lip. He smirked, more to himself as to you. “Aw, the cute little cheerleader and the satanic freak, all alone in the dark. What if someone saw us like that? Me holding your cute little hand in mine, so close to each other?” Eddie stated and you gulped. He came even closer, your chests nearly touched. You squeezed his hand back and touched his broad chest with your other one. As he didn't pull away you came even closer. He pushed his leg between your thighs, nearly touching your wet core. He could feel the heat from between your legs.

Before you could say anything he tilted your head up by pushing your chin up to meet his gaze. A small whimper escaped your throat at his casual dominance.

"Can I kiss you?" Eddie asked and before you answered him you crushed your lips to his. Your hand disappeared in his dark locks and his hands pulled you closer by your waist. His rings were cold against your skin and you moaned in his mouth. He dipped his tongue in your mouth and fought with yours for dominance. But he won easily. You didn't wanna make it so easy for him but you were putty in his hands. He bit your tongue and you let out a long moan as the pain hit you. "Damn you like it hard, huh? I knew it. Thought about biting you every damn time I saw you in your tiny cheerleader skirt. Marking your thighs up with my bitemarks." he whispered as his hands roamed over your body, holding your breasts lightly. He felt your nipples harden under his touch.

He nibbled at your throat biting down hard. You gasped at this feeling, fisting his hair to keep you steady.

"You wanna go to my place, princess?" Eddie asked as he touched your nipples through your shirt. "Yes please!" you mumbled. He grinned and picked you up by your waist. You felt his hard dick against your core and you nearly fainted. This is the best outcome for tonight you could have ever imagined.

The drive to his trailer was silent as you squirmed around in your seat as his hand trailed up and down your thighs. You tried to push your legs together, your cunt dripping down on the seat as his fingers found your wet folds. His grip tightened around the steering wheel, knuckels turning white.

You finally arrived at his trailer. He unbuckled your seatbelt and his and was on you in seconds. "Get in the back. Now!" he growled lowly and his gaze turned darker.

"Yes, Eddie!" you wimpered and got in the back of the van as fast as you could. You nearly hitted your head on the van if Eddie didn't helped you and held his hand over your head.

As your legs met the soft blanket on the floor you thought that maybe he had this thing planned for tonight. As if he could read your mind he grinned and said: "I hoped you would be around today. So I had some things prepared."

He was hovering over you in seconds. His mouth found yours and he held your wrists over your head. You were at his mercy and you loved every second of it. Your juices were running down to your legs, your panties sticking to your folds. Eddie kissed down your throat and bit down again, leaving a dark mark on your neck. You mewled and squirmed beneath him. His other hand wandered to your perky boobs. Eddie pushed it up so your bra was on free display. You thanked the gods that you wore a black lace bra tonight with a matching panty.

"Damn, look at this princess. And I thought I was prepared. For who do you wear this nice bra, huh? Tell me." he mumbled between kissing your skin down to your breasts. He released your wrists and his hands came down to your boobs, massaging your hard nipples through your thin bra. "Only for you, Eddie. I hoped you would be there at this party." you whined, legs closing around Eddies waist. His rough jeans tickled your soft thighs and you could feel his hard one at your core. You squirmed around, wanting to feel as much friction as possible.

Your hands found their way to Eddies Jeans, fumbling with his belt as you tried to open it. You were nervous, as it was a long time ago that you had some bedroom action. He took your hand in his, kissing your nuckles. This small gesture calmed your nerves as you relaxed into his touch. "We don't need to do this, if you are not ready, princess. I can wait." he whispered and looked you deep in your eyes.

"No please! I waited so long. Please Eddie!" Tears flow down your eyes, ruining your mascara. Eddie smears your eyeliner even further down your cheeks, kissing softly on the salty skin. "You don't know what you do to me,Y/N. Crying and begging for me. You are perfect." he mumbled against your skin, moving his hands down to your waist. He hasticly removes your soaked panties and shoves them into his backpocket. "They are mine now." he said before going down to your pussy. He licked a fat stripe from your aching hole to your clit. You gasped, fingers clenching around Eddies locks as you pulled him closer.

He ate your pussy like it is his favorite meal. He adored how you sounded, your sweet little moans and sobs driving him on even more. His finger dipped into your wet hole, squeezing him as he pushed a second one into you. You cried out, his fingers reaching your sweet spot perfectly. "Jesus H. Christ. You sound so hot, princess." he moaned against your core between his licks. You nearly hit your orgasm as he stopped licking your clit, your pussy cleanching around his fingers. He bit down on your thigh, buried deep inside your hole. He didn't stop fingering you, knuckles deep inside you at a fast pace. Just as he bit down again on your other thigh you came. You tried to shut your legs, but Eddie kept them open for you. His whole weight was on both of your legs. You were shaking beneath him, trying to calm down, as he rode you through your orgasm. He came to a still as he slowly removed his fingers, kissing the hickeys he left on your legs.

"Th-Thank you, Eddie." you whispered out of breath. You never came this fast before.

"Aww, she has some really good manners. Even thanks me. You are so cute." he said and kissed your lips. You tasted your own juices mixed with his staliva. You moaned into his mouth as you tried to open his belt again. "Atta, princess. This is all about you." he grinned and kissed your hand. "Eddie- Please, I wanna feel you inside me." you sobbed, cheeks black from all your mascara tears that streamed down your face.

He loved seeing you begging and crying. His hard cock hurt and Eddie wanted nothing more than to bury his dick into your tight cunt.

He pushed his jeans and boxers down to his legs and pulled you closer to him. Your skirt rose up to your waist exposing your dripping cunt. Eddie opened your legs further. "Are you sure you want this? I can't hold back when I am inside you, Y/N." he said seriously. "Yes! Please Eddie fuck me raw please!" you nearly screamed, pathetically waiting for his cock inside you.

He pushed slowly into your hole. You cry out, your eyes rolling into your head. "Fuck! Princess, you are so tight! And you let me in raw. Dirty little girl." he mumbled against your skin, burying his face in your neck. He bit down on your throat, a small gasp escaped your lungs. Eddie picked up his pace, balls deep inside your wet pussy. He threw your legs over his shoulders, hitting your sweet spot at a devilish pace. Your fingernails digged into his forearms, leaving small marks all over his leather jacket. It turned you even more on, that he didn't bother to remove his clothes.

Your orgasm builed up again. Your legs started shaking as Eddies fingers found your puffy clit and started to draw small circles, pushing you closer to the edge.

"Eddie-!" you cried, tears falling onto your cheeks as your second orgasm hit you. Your pussy cleanched around Eddies cock and with a few more strokes he came as well. He helped you ride out your orgasm, slowly lowering your shaky legs down to his side. He gave your lips a small kiss, removing his dick from your aching cunt.

He plopped down next to you and pulled you to his side. You cuddled with him, burying your face in his neck. Eddie pulled you closer and you threw your leg over his waist, trying to get as much body contact as you could. "Y/N, are you ok? Sorry if I bit you too hard or hurt you in any other way..." Eddie said, playing with the strands of your hair. "Eddie. This was the best sex I ever had. Please, don't apologize." you said, kissing his lips deeply. He was surprised that you still stayed. Most people just come and go to him for a fast quickie. But you stayed.

"Eddie- I...I really like you." you said proping yourself up on your elbows, so you could see his facial expressions. He pulled you closer by your throat lightly squeezing it as he pecked your lips. "Go on a date with me." Eddie whispered between kisses. Your core grew wetter with the sound of his voice and his rough hand lightly squeezing your throat. You nodded happily laying down on his chest again.

#eddie smut #sadist!eddie #dark eddie #eddie headcanons #eddie munson #eddie #eddie x reader #eddie x y/n #eddie x you #eddie munson smut

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raamitsu · 6 months ago

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I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart if you could wish positive energy…

It's hard to find words that describe exactly what I'm feeling right now. The state I live in, Rio Grande do Sul - Brazil, is suffering from floods, thousands of people losing everything, their families, homes, EVERYTHING, some people only have the clothes left with them. Many animals, houses, cars and people being swept away by the current, people are stranded, this is the biggest natural disaster that has ever happened in the state of Rio Grande do Sul.

The state capital: Porto Alegre, is practically under water, the Guaíba river has overflowed at a record level (about five meters) and there are cities where the water reaches the roofs of houses, in Canoas apparently there are reports of bodies floating, the Feliz city had 75% of its territory devastated by the rains, roads are blocked or collapsed.

The rains remained in my city throughout the week, except for yesterday on Sunday and according to the weather forecast today on Monday, however, the rest of the week has rain forecast, and if the rains return, everything starts again. I just hope that during Sunday the authorities were able to rescue as many people and animals as possible and that these people are now in a safe shelter.

In my city where my house is located, it is out of risk and I am so grateful for that, but places where friends, colleagues and relatives live are at great risk. There are colleagues and friends of my brothers with whom contact has been lost because they live in affected areas and no one knows what could have happened.

Brazil (my country) mobilized completely to help with the rescues and also to donate money and supplies such as food, clothes and blankets to the flood victims.

Therefore, I ask those who cannot help directly, to please send positive energies to us, for the recovery of these cities and these people and our planet. Please hope for the well-being of these people. May this tragedy end soon and may it not cause any more victims along the way. May we all be safe soon. My English is far from being decent so there are probably a lot of grammar errors. =)

There are news report in English for those who want to know more: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/02/world/americas/brazil-rain-floods.html

At least 75 killed, more than 100 others missing in Brazil floods | Climate Crisis News | Al Jazeera

!!! Share if you can, people, please.

I’m so sorry for the tragedy that you’ve been going through, my friend 🙏🏼 I may not be able to help as much as you needed, but I hope with me signal boosting your statement, you will regain strength and love from everyone who come across this post - and I do pray that you will receive more aids as soon as possible!

There are many things happening - from Palestine to Brazil - in fact, boosting and amplifying their voices are very crucial to them so please continue this act of support endlessly until they’re free and back to normal again.

To everyone who follows me, if you are able to donate anything, please let my friend here know. If you can spread this everywhere to your friends, it’ll be very appreciated 🫶🏼

#text #signal boost #awareness #rio grande do sul #brazil #ask: llynx7

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seonghwaddict · 6 months ago

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I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart if you could wish positive energy...

I just hope that during Sunday the authorities were able to rescue as many people and animals as possible and that these people are now in a safe shelter. In my city where my house is located, it is out of risk and I am so grateful for that, but places where friends, colleagues and relatives live are at great risk. There are colleagues and friends of my brothers with whom contact has been lost because they live in affected areas and no one knows what could have happened.

Brazil (my country) mobilized completely to help with the rescues and also to donate money and supplies such as food, clothes and blankets to the flood victims. Therefore, I ask those who cannot help directly, to please send positive energies to us, for the recovery of these cities and these people and our planet.

Please hope for the well-being of these people. May this tragedy end soon and may it not cause any more victims along the way. May we all be safe soon.

I'm leaving a link to a report that is in Portuguese (so I would have to translate), with more details of what happened, my English is far from being decent so there are probably a lot of grammar errors. =)

The newspaper report: https://g1.globo.com/fantastico/noticia/2024/05/05/o-rio-grande-do-sul-vive-o-maior-desastre-natural-de-sua-historia.ghtml

hi, i’m so sorry to hear about this. i really wish i could help in some way other than posting and hoping it’ll get the attention of more people.

for anyone reading this, here are some gofundme’s you could consider donating to!

helping hands for brazilian flood victims: rebuilding lives.

silicon valley emergency relief for brazil climate disaster

#brazil #charity

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valyrra · 2 months ago

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Hi! Anon 🐈‍⬛ here, I need some advice, I'm going insane. I live in an opressive family, they behave like I'm not a person and they love to shut me up all the time when I have to say anything and even then they don't listen to what I have to say. They say that's because I don't have a job... (They love mentioning I'm jobless even though they KNOW about my state of mind)

I'm extremely depressed and scared to meet other people because of negative experiences. They conditioned me to stay silent and listen, but after years of silence I got sick of it and got more argumentative. For example: father (who is so obsessed with eating healthy that he made it everyone's problem) today made so much drama because we drank a sweet drink. He told us that it's deadly and told mother that she is the worst mother and started insulting her. It is not the first time he's doing this, he and her (sometimes) make us feel bad about eating something ("You will get cancer from it", "It's deadly", "You're going to get even more fat"), essentially shaming us for eating the food. We are not rich, we can't afford the "healthy" food and we live in a country that has food standards, we can't die from eating food or drinking a drink.

It was a lime flavoured powder that dissolves in water that you drink. It was a looooooooong time since we drank anything like that. He was very agressive about it and I'm on my second day of period so guess what happened. I got angry and told him what his problem is (we have been eating tasteless food for years because of his "Salt is death" (his words), he's obsessed with nutrients, TikTok recipes, and shoving his opinion on food and politics down everyone's throat) and mother and brother started shouting at me (brother insulted me as well) while he ate his lunch at peace. It's a constant cycle that never stops, he starts drama and threatening abuse, I intervene sick of his behaviour, they insult me, shut me up and it is peaceful until this cycle begins again for YEARS...

It was always like that, but since COVID it's getting worse and worse (there were times I almost k*lled myself from the stress), I have nobody to talk to...

He also almost k*illed us because of toilet paper on brother's 18th birthday, I had a horrible mental breakdown and was laughing and crying the whole time. My mental heath is so horrible that when I'm having a breakdown I start laughing (unfortunately like Joaquin Phoenix's Joker). Therapists are not that trustworthy because the one I had told mother about our sessions (what I said in them) and I stopped trusting them. People are snitches around me ready to tell any secret I have to other people. My trust has been broken so many times...

I'm telling you this because we are moots and you've been so kind to me even though we don't communicate much, however, you liking some of my posts and replying to my comments make my day.

I'm afraid to speak about this publicly (from my account).

I'm very very very very sorry for trauma dumping and grammar mistakes, I don't know what to do anymore, maybe I'm beyond saving, it has been going on for years, I'm tired...

Thank you for listening and if you ever need anything, I'll be there for you. I wish you all the best.

Anon 🐈‍⬛.

ok, first of all sorry that I am replying this so late. i'm glad that we are moots and somehow i help your state. don't be sorry for trauma dumping secondly, man, my mental health is like pretty fucked so i'm not sure what kind of advice you want from someone like me…. I'm like legit…….. not sure what can i propose to you besides what helped me to stay alive I've been abusive myself and I still am sometimes. it's kind of hard for me to talk about jobs and ED specifically, but like im not sure what age are you and what country are you in - i would certainly advice you to contact a specialist, even a local hospital (non commercial idk how it works anywhere outside of Russia). and probably its better to not tell anyone + tell the specialist that you'd rather keep this between you two. I've changed like 6-7 psychiatrists. some were bad, some were better. you just need to learn to trust. not all of them are bad Good prescribed meds can stabilize your brain in order not to fall into negative stuff. + somehow keep your nerveous system safer. which IMO is so important? like…. people usually don't realise how many health issues come from stress. from free stuff - sometimes guided meditations help me to relax and prevent incoming anxiety attacks like I think you should bit by bit build your own strength and overcome your fears. there's no one in the world who will make you do this shit, unfortunately. we live in a world where it's not always rainbows and sunshine, but you've been strong enough to live to this moment. i believe you can achieve your independence from your family. my first job was as a waitress and dude I've barely talked with anyone besides customers. only if it was necessary, all because i had like large anxiety and other stuff. it was hard as fuck, I've had drunk shitty customers who touched me and tried to kiss me, i've had a bartender who raised his voice at me like for smallest inconveniences. i had a cook who kept telling me he's going to r* me with his assistant because he was just dissatisfied with my performance lol. but like…… I've also made a great friends and built some social confidence. push yourself, no one will push you… to be independent is kind of a…. solution if you don't trust anyone. I hope you will find your peace.

#tw: mental health #tw: ed mention #tw: r*pe mention #tw: vent #tw: suicide

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the-silver-peahen-residence · 7 months ago

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||An Officer's Corruption part Thirteen||

Hello there dears, Peahen mom here but It's time to add another part to this mini series but it's to add a part to the OVA my wonderful friend Demon-mun is writing.

If you wish to see how or where everything is going, you can follow up on the chapters down below.

||Previous Chapters 1-7||((Click here))

Part Eight ((Slight NSFW warning))

Part Nine

Part Ten

Part Eleven ( Slight NSFW Warning )

Part Twelve

((Your reading part Thirteen))

||OVA Chapters||

OVA part one

OVA part two

OVA part three

OVA part four

OVA part five

OVA part Six

OVA part Seven

||Warning||

~No bad warnings in this

~Possessive behavior is maybe present in this.

||Drabble Summary||

Everything has finally calmed down after the prison break in. However, others were finding this out while wondering if that might happen to other prisons. In the meantime, Sukuna was giving his requests to Kinie. What will they be? And how are the female officers after that night even Melinda? Read to find out.

||Guests in Drabble||

Ira"Kali" Vin-Shia, and Ophelia Alexandria belongs to my amazing Rp partner @demon-blood-youths

Rex oxford mills, Melinda brooks, and Arnold Wayne Hexford are my oc's that belong to me and the same for Sukuna Ryomen comes from Jujutsu Kaisen but also me due to having him as a muse.

((Note: Their will be grammar mistakes and errors in this drabble as others have this warning. But like I state before, this is written for fun. So I hope you like it and my friend too. Enjoy))

The afternoon has still come and yet, it was drawing to later on. Most of the prisoners that was not under the damage from today's break out incident, they were moved to new cells till further notice. The ones that was not as bad is to remain there. Right now, a few were being escorted back to their prison cells from the medic ward while some were resting up.

Here, Ophelia was checking a officer who was feeling a lot better now thanks to her. She didn't mind doing this to help even when it came to helping a innocent helping hand. "And all done. You should be good to go tomorrow. Just rest up a little more okay?" she said.

"Of course, Doctor Alexandria. Thank you so much." he said bowing to her as she smiled not minding it. Though, she also had Ink here due to her catching a cold. Well, she was taking a nap right now so it was fine.

While checking on some other notes, Ophelia looks noticing the other doctor helping another while checking something. He has gotten more used to working with Opheila more even when their first meeting was......a bit silent. Dr. Arnold Wayne Hexford or Dr. Hex for short was a doctor that as asked to come help with Kinie Ger's prison incident. Though, theirs been word he's also the doctor to help with the prisoners back at Warden Joshua's prison even with one prisoner that was under his care.

".....Ummmm Dr. Hexford?" He blinks to hear his name but only looks to see Ophelia was speaking to him.

"..Yes, Dr. Alexandria?"

".....You know you can just call me Ophelia. You don't have to be so formal.." she said but he only looks quiet then at the notepad.

"Sorry, It's something I'm still getting used to. Though, was their something wrong?" he asked.

"No, I was going to ask if you were able to check on the other patents here? I already checked on Ink but she's sleeping right now and it seems she has a guest with her. The Prisoner Denji Hayakawa is with her right now."

"...Is he now? Hmmm, seems the warden is allowing prisoners to see the officers now. How....new." he mutters.

"......True. I wasn't expecting that but this is her prison after all.." Opheila said but she lowers the clipboard before looking to Hex going quiet again. Goodness, he really was not used to working with others was he?

"...Hey Hex-"

"If your going to ask if I'm alright I am. It's still new that I'm helping others even when I was just reformed to be good after working for Miss. Butterfly. Honestly, I am still unsure on how to feel about this." he said. True, he was a black market doctor way back before he got arrested. Same for him being on the Shallow Butterflies gang with the head leader Ashley Butterfly still being arrested. He got word she was going on patrol soon but nothing came of that yet.

"....Is that so? Then it's true about her brother-"

"If you mean Rex then yes. He's here in the prison but his team was split up to avoid a massive riot happening. I heard something close to that happened at Warden Fin's prison but it got resolved by someone named Officer Jaron I think?" he said.

"Ah, that's right I heard of that! But still....does this mean you were the doctor with Ashley or for her team?" Opheila asked.

"Both. I already give a update to Rex about his baby sister and tell him she's well. However, she's been....quiet ever since she got arrested. Won't speak to any of the other inmates or most are scared of her. Even if she's sweet...she's.....different in a scary way." He says this like it was nothing new but Ophelia was worried hearing this.

"......"

"But enough of that, we do still have others to check on..so we better get back to work." he said before going to do that. Ophelia said nothing but she held the clipboard and follows to do that. Maybe in the future she can get Hex to be more open to her but this was a start.

~~~~~~~Meanwhile in the warden's office~~~~~~~~~

Kinie was looking at the small list or something that Sukuna was going to offer to help with rebuilding and other things. Even more, he was willing to do this for free. The letter said the following:

~Building materials will be paid by Sukuna to help with repairs

~Updates will be seen through the prison

~More officers will be hired with back up

~Vacation time and Over time will be given as soon as the agreement is completed

~Everything is free of charge and warden won't be charged during the rebuilding process.

She looks to he small list a few moments but lowers it to sigh. "Alright, I think I get it. Though, their has to be a catch towards this. I mean....come on. This really can't be free.." Kinie looks to Sukuna but he smiled.

"Yes, I'm willing to do this for you all free of charge. I'll pay for everything so you don't have to." He simply said and yet, Kinie said nothing to wonder what is going on.

"Hmmmm..I think so. But again, what is the catch or what do you want in return?" she asked. Sukuna said nothing but he thinks a little before looking to her.

"Well......it's something just simple. Just some requests.." he said.

"Requests?" she said.

"Yes. My first request..is that I would like to pay for Rex's patrol and his teammates. He will have his payment paid for but I ask if the officer that spoke to him to be by his side. I already have a request for his baby sister to be released." He held up another finger.

"Second one, Is I would have two more to be released and on patrol for the moment. The Six claws are to be released as well but under Officer Vanguard's watch during their patrol. I know my brother may have a request even so..he will make his choice when getting out." he said.

"......" Kinie said nothing but she was listening.

"Three, I request that you don't have to worry about anything else. I know some of the gangs are still locked up but..I'm sure that can be fixed." he said.

"......Anything else?" she asked.

"One more thing..I still want to have that offer of you spending time with me. I want to know more about you so I request that you spend time with me.." he said simply.

"....."

"Just a little date back at my place. I think you'll like it." he smirked but Kinie said nothing. She sighed to look at him but then at the list.

"..So those are the agreements but your requests right?" she asked.

"Yes. If I need to find another thing to add I'll do that..but they won't be too extreme..I assure you.." he said. "So my dear...is it a deal?" he asked holding his hand out to her.

"......"

~~~~~~Meanwhile~~~~~~

"So your alright?" Kali asked looking to Rex who still remains in his cell. However, the flying Imp was hovering around Kali more that it carefully lands near by while Rex pets it's head. Seems a light trill was heard from it. Kali said nothing but she will admit it was cute.

"Yes, I said I was fine but you shouldn't worry about me, sweetheart."

"Don't call me sweetheart." she grumbled but Rex smiled finds her cute.

"Fine fine..I won't." he said simply but the imp flies off and lands on Kali's shoulder now nuzzling against her cheek. She didn't move only to remain still.

"Though, I hope you still are agreeing to my terms in helping you right?" he asked.

"I said I was....so don't worry." she said.

"Heh, good. I am happy that we agree with something....." he said smiling to her even if she looks away but her cheeks were not pink as much.

"Oh shut up.." she said.

"....Oh fine fine. I'll be a good dog and be quiet just for you." he winks.

"Ughhhh stop that!" she points at him. Though, Rex finds it adorable.

~~~~With Jinx~~~~~~

"I know, I know, I'm fine Echo. You don't have to sound so angry about it." Jinx said showing a video call seeing her teammates. Officer Brooks, Officer Fuse, Officer Thomson, Officer Santos, Officer Hurricane, and Officer Parker. The women and the younger one was worried hearing what happened to Jinx.

"YOU IDIOT! WHAT DID YOU DO!? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WENT THROUGH HELL AND BACK!" Echo shouted mad gripping the laptop she got since she's doing bomb squad training with Officer Enclave shouting at some rookies trying to defuse training bombs.

"True. I thought you said the small incident was not that dangerous but it seems that's not the case." She said but Ping was worried with Breezy worried.

"Believe me, we was not expecting this to happen but it did. Though, it was not too bad. I mean, fighting a giant snake was pretty cool-"

"A GIANT SNAKE!?" the women said but Jinx sweatdrops to laugh nervously.

"....Seriously?" Echo said with her eye twitching and a vein popping.

"Well, that's something....though, that explains the news Fosh and Mouse said.

"True...though, that's scary you did that.." Breezy said.

"Yeah but I'm fine even so. But I hope you girls are alright. "Jinx said. "Were good. Don't worry." Vivi said to her.

"Yeah, were good!" Breezy said.

"Yeah, yeah...I'm fine." Echo said hearing another explosion in the background. "CHARLES, DON'T DEFUSE THE BOMB IN REVERSE!" she shouted.

"Sorrie Echo!" A male voice said nervous. She sighed annoyed but looks back at the screen.

"....." Ping signs she was doing alright with a smile. Though, three others were in the background showing Taz, Gerald, and Timmy in the junior police academy.

"I'm fine.." Mouse said.

"........." Melinda said nothing but she was lost in thought before Jinx bilnks.

"Hey You alright Melinda?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, I'm alright sorry about that." she said gently.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I guess I'm a bit distracted but nothing bad I assure you."she said.

"Well, if something was wrong you can tell us you know." Breezy said and Jinx agreed.

"Yeah true. We are all sisters after all. We always are there for one another." Vivi said.

"I know, I know....though I am alright but if something is wrong I'll tell you." she said softly but Jinx knew it was fine. However, the others saw it was time to go so Jinx can rest.

"We better go but take care of yourself Jinx. And be sure you take care of yourself." Breezy said as she smiled to nod. Seeing the girls go offline while she closes the laptop to sigh. Even if she was fine, she was stuck in bed for a while before later on. However, she leans back to check something after some time.

~~~~With Melinda~~~~~

She was off duty after what happened even if she was alright. Right now, she was in her room given while staying here in Fin's prison. She heard the females were alright and recovered from the drug given to them, even her. However, they were off duty as well for a while. Right now, she knew the guys even Jaron was on patrol right now and yet she hopes he was alright.

".....Maybe I'm over thinking this again. Oh well....even now I'm fine it was still weird. I don't remember much except hearing voices..maybe I am.." she whispered to look at the floor but her silver eyes remained closed before sighing. Maybe resting up was better for her right now.

While for the others, Fin was speaking with Ahemd about something but they were unsure on what to do. Given that blackout could have been bad it was something. And with Summer and Winter that was worse.

"So what do we do? Should we split them further part?" Ahemd said.

"..No, their going to end up finding out even so. Those two as the others are always relying on one another so it's never safe to say that much. Even now...they are tricky." Fin said.

"........"

"Then, is everyone else alright then after that night?" he asked Fin but heard him sigh.

"Yeah, the women are alright. I had to give them the week off to recover even if some wanted to still work. I'm making sure they get paid for that and for overtime and yet I figure they would wanna rest. Even Melinda too. I heard Jaron was still a bit angry that the prisoners got out even Bradley too. Though, I heard he's still patrolling right now with the inmates in the halls doing cleaning duty." he said.

"Though now..I feel like I owe Jaron an apology for what happened to her."

"I'm sure he will understand Fin. I mean, inmates are dangerous but.......I assure it's fine after. Everything has calmed down.." he said to assure him it's fine.

"Yeah...you are right.." he said with a sigh. "For now, I'm still offering them to take a break for now....even Melinda. I just hope Jaron is alright.." he said.

"......"

As for Jaron, he was with the other male officers seeing the inmates cleaning up in the hallways. Even if most was quiet too nervous to talk. However, he said nothing watching them. However, his thoughts were going to thinking of Melinda. She has been quiet since that night even after the medic told her and the woman what happened. He never saw her that silent before but nervous now not expecting this to happen. Even now, he remains quiet. However, deep down the dark feeling remains that he didn't show it from his facial expressions.

Even now, he wouldn't let it happen again. Or let another try to take her away. He'll make sure of that. For now, the day goes on.

However within the halls...

"So it's true. My fallen maiden sister..you were here all this time.." Winter was shocked but a smile shows on her face seeing another but two officers were escorting Summer but they forgot they were not to be seen. 'Seems you were here all this time. What fun..hehehe..' she thought to smile.

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aylabyu · 2 years ago

Text

Sleep.

A GN!Reader x ??? SFW fic

A/N: y'all, my knowledge about this character is non-existent so forgive me if I ever had any information wrong, or completely wrong. never correct I'm sure... also I wanted this fic to be gender neutral so please point out to me if there are mistakes, in this context and grammar-wise too!

[whoever guesses who this character is can tell me what they want next to be published by me! (lmao I'm acting as if I'm well-known) like they can tell me who the character/s will be in the fic, genre, some tags, things to not include, etc. I can write other fandoms... I think, but I don't generally watch most animes like MHA or JJK but I might manage..? but for games like OM! or twst, I can...! kinda,,] [still open, will edit this if it changes later on!]

.... because I have so many ideas and idk what to do first so I'll let others decide...

the moon greets the man who is looking up at it, its majestic form putting pressure on him. he was about to stand up and reluctantly leave his lover when she muttered.

"ugh, what.. time is it?" you groaned, feeling the bed dip and soft lips on your forehead.

"it's not near daybreak, go back to sleep."

"where are you going then?"

he looked at you with his gentle smile, the one where you know he'll fascinate you until you heed his wishes.

"i'm just going out for some fresh air," he simply stated.

he was brushing your hair, detangling and smoothing it down, which ultimately makes you in a trance between reality and dreamland. the latter is the winning side.

as a last resort, you threw your body at his, "you'll go off somewhere again, stay with me."

"but I am with you. you are my lover, my sweet."

"oh stop. stay with me. in bed."

you felt him softly sigh and surrendered. he fixed your sleeping position so he can put his arms around your frail body.

silence reigned, and when he heard your soft snores, he whispered, "... i'm sorry, my dear. i'm so sorry."

tears ran down his face, but he made sure they never touch your complexion. he doesn't deserve it, doesn't deserve tainting you, even with his tears – doesn't deserve you. his heart and soul ached for you.

he stopped when he felt a hand touch his wet cheek.

"why are you crying? who hurt my sweetheart?" you mumbled through closed eyes, still rubbing your hand on his cheek.

"it's just the water, dear. my hair is acting up again."

you started to open your eyes to see if what he said was true, but he put a hand over your vision.

"i, i am not attractive right now. please, have sweet dreams," he glided his hand over your forehead which made you close your eyes and instantly sleep.

he made sure you are in deep sleep until tomorrow when he is sure he will get the job done. time for revenge.

he got up and went out of their dwelling, meeting his friend who he called upon.

amber eyes stared at him when he saw him, "are you sure? you do know that i can't, and won't, help you."

"yes, if it is for them, i am willing to face everything. even when going against you," he looked at the steely man in front of him.

"... have no worries, i will not meddle in your retaliation. the time is near, get going. i will stay back, as promised, to take care of them until you get back."

your lover nodded, thankful for his friend's consideration, "thank you, i will be eternally grateful to you. excuse me."

both men nodded at each other, the elegant one going out to his adversary and the man with amber eyes going to you, who is slumbering incredibly deeply.

"my dear, forgive me. i love you to the moon and back, let Celestia go to hell for all i care," thunder rumbled through the night skies, as if hearing his declaration of battle.

he teleported to the entrance of this damned nation, and instead of a knock on the door, he raised his hand and let a severe flood wreak havoc upon everyone.

why would he care if innocents die? why would he care if people curse him to death? why would he care if he would die?

why?

they never cared even when you were innocent. they never cared when you were just framed so obviously, but they threw you down until your wings got torn and bloody. they never cared about you.

that should change now.

they will know of your dignified self. oh so regal and majestic, no one should even set their sights upon you – not even his own.

his gaze burned with the thought of you, itching to be within your delicate embrace and alleviating aura, but he used this fire to intensify the torrent silencing the screams of the citizens.

daybreak is near, and he should be done with the first step in his plan before it. with this, he moved on to the grand fortress with hatred in his heart.

"i have to hurry, they might wake up without me nuzzling their neck," he smiled maniacally while summoning his hydro serpents to aid him in this gratifying massacre.

#genshin impact #genshin #... is this fluff or angst #I'll just add both lmao #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin angst #genshin impact angst

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redemption-lies-plainly-in-truth · 2 months ago

Note

Greetings Ms Sol. How are you? Have you been eating and drinking okay? Sleeping well?

Sorry for the long wait between replies. Have been thinking of what to share, how to type it and such. Been trying to write this, but I end up deleting the content a lot. Worried about grammar, if I'm writing interesting topics or addressing you properly.

Let's see, I saw that you typed something on your account and I thank you for your kind words. As I said, I'm sorry for the delay with this response. Some things have come up this month, but I still have been thinking of how to respond to the last message.

I'm happy you've been enjoying your time with, I Wanni Hug that Gator. It was a fun game. I can not tell you how many times I rewinded certain parts. The player character being pulled into the pool. Asking the characters parents if they'd be okay with synthetic meat, Olivia smiling at us when we do something funny, or her tail smacking the ground when she realizes we’re in the same history class, the expressions our character makes when getting made. The way his eyes bulged out. My favorite is when the art teacher needed them to move stuff in the lab and no one told him there was a dolly. Poor Inky.

As for the writing, yeah I can understand trying to use big words and seeing simple words as…lesser? The way the school tried teaching me in language arts class was confusing with that. Try using bigger more complex words to convey meaning, but don't try to make it too wordy or dense. Viewing words that could very easily explain the situation but substituting for words that sound smart without considering the character. Giving said character a large vocabulary even though the story would say otherwise, based on background and what's happening to them.

I really used to hate reading, but ended up reading more than I thought, though the way the words come out of my mouth and how slow I read would make you believe otherwise. Ended up reading manga, comics, fan fiction, cards, video game manuals and so forth. Found a few books that actually interested me and often reread portions I enjoyed. Though I may have bought more books than I can consume in a given time…good lord these things take up space and aren't cheap.

I won't deny that writing and other forms of art aren't looked up as well as painting, drawing or sculpting. Hell we had a writers strike because they were undervalued and artists here in the States aren't being treated much better. A lot of animation studios have also gone under. The game did help me understand that when art can convey different meanings or responses from the same moment. I'm trying not to spoil too much of the game, but I am unsure how far you may have moved from the last spot from your response. The character does take a bit more pictures and they do help me think. The idea of what they saw or what we were shown, being viewed in a different point. The different types of styles a camera could use to capture the moment and how other mediums could try to build off of the image or relay how others felt at that moment as well or their interpretation. Someone sharing what they see through the means they feel comfortable and how their experiences may shape it.

As for your stories, they've been interesting. In a good way. The ones I've been able to read I've had fun. Learning your perspective and interpretation of those characters. You've mentioned how you have different levels of effort placed on some of them depending on if it's something you personally wish to write or if it's a request. I think people do enjoy your work, it's just a lot of us get tunnel visioned when able to make a request and looking for it.

Additionally I would like to apologize. You brought up having multiple anonymous contacts and it turning out to be a single individual. I am guilty of this to an extent. Mostly just the game recommendations and the fallout radio thing, but I've also made a request on your Baldur's Gate 3 blog relating to massages.I wasn't trying to lie, but was more of the idea of sharing some ideas or building up a conversation and may have gotten overzealous. The games being Pillars of Eternity, Halo, Fallout, Wasteland and a few more. You recommended Bugsnax to me I believe. Just wanted to clear the air as needed.

Also, you're fine with the straight white male target audience thing. Each game has an audience in one form or another.

The idea of the X reader was interesting. Taking what you know of the character or learning of them for the first time as you try to experience things with them. Then the individuals writing style taking information and shaping them. Sometimes adding their own spin or taking think from where the characts originates. Like game mechanics affecting your interactions with them.

Yours were fun to read. Learning a bit about the characters and your perspective about them. How they'd react to our interactions and the idea of them opening up to you. Being in that world, carrying your own knowledge. Being born in that world or just being inserted at some point. Expressing interest and actually building a conversation based on the events in the game or story but outside as well. Taking in the sights, smells, touch and taste of the surroundings. Or at least hopefully the idea is what I typed.

Also the idea of freezing time to have some measure of control is a neat idea. Trying to change the course of events that all ultimately lead to the same route you're desperately trying to avoid. Settling on freezing time indefinitely trapping yourself or allowing the course of events to continue as intended. I believe it is something that is touched upon in a few things. Though I think the ones I'm thinking of are less about them having control to stop an event and it just happening. Or trying to rewrite events that happened that affected your life and trying to change them to better suit yourself. It's an interesting idea and I'm happy you felt comfortable enough to share it with me. So thank you.

As for the response being short, don't worry about it. Take your time and do what you need to do. We each have things to worry about and things that pull our attention. These have been fun, no matter how large it small.

I hope for things to get better for you and for things to go your way when needed. Thank you for taking the time to talk, make a blog and continue as we can. This year has had a lot of downs and we're only two thirds through it, but finding you blogs have been a major plus.

As always, Eat well, drink well, sleep well and so much more. Have a good day, Ms Sol.

The first time I wrote a reply to this, Tumblr swallowed it whole. Lesson learned, I need to draft my long posts in the notes app beforehand.

But it's a good thing that I get to re-write it; the first time around was a bit depressing. Now that I've eaten, went on a walk, and took a nap, I feel much better and optimistic about life.

I even feel brave enough to admit that I've missed you greatly, you might not think much of our correspondence, or maybe that you assume I don't consider you amidst my daily life, but I do. You've become a part of it. Whether we talk once a month or week, I do look forward to it. And I'm still grateful for both your time and kindness, I will never take it for granted, just like I'm grateful for you sharing your existence with me.

I have been better lately. Mentally I have my ups and downs, depression is something you learn to live with, I still get my bpd spirals but I'm very good at dealing with them, finding solace in the despair and comfort. It's the reassurance that I will feel better eventually that keeps me going, that no feeling is forever. No matter how much like the end a situation feels, there is always more life waiting the next day.

Plus, since I see my niece daily, I can't begin to comprehend putting her through something as grim as the suicide of a family member. The more time passes, the more she begins to remember it, remember me. She started her first day of kindergarten yesterday! Time flies.

She must be an extrovert because she adored it, would always leave excitedly, and come back happy. I remember hating kindergarten, I would constantly cry for my mom, refuse to play with the other kids, and never interact with the teachers. I liked sitting on the swings, however. She's much braver than me, that's for sure.

By the way, I actually have many nieces, 3 so far and one nephew. Any times I say "niece" there is a random chance I'm talking about any of them, one is almost elementary age, the other in kindergarten and the last is still an infant, we're waiting for her first step still.

My nephew is...I don't see much of him. He had a serious heart condition since birth, his heart wasn't fully developed, and he went into intensive care as a newborn. It was a terrifying month. My parents would go to the hospital each day and sit beside his bed. I don't believe in god, I haven't met my nephew yet either, but I kept praying that he makes it out alive, offered to trade my soul for him, I'd rather it be me dying than this infant who haven't even glimpsed the world yet. He deserved to live more than I do.

Thankfully, neither of us died, and he got better to leave the hospital eventually.

I don't think I'm ever having kids. They're a big responsibility. They change you beyond recognition. Your existence as a person comes to a halt, and you become a parent instead, no time for your hobbies, interests, or any personal days. I've seen my brothers lose their traits slowly, seen the passion and excitement fizzle out from the eyes of their wives who used to love going out, fashion and always taking the extra step to make something appear neat. It's heartbreaking almost. It's never the kids' fault either. It's just extremely taxing to raise an entire new person who is endlessly curious and controlled by their own whims. Children deserve a happy childhood, endless patience, and love, but you can't give them that without sacrificing your personhood. It's like you have to destroy your own self to create a new person. It's unfair to both parties. You can't stop at one kid either, or they'll be lonely. You need to go through this again to get them a sibling.

Losing my freedom and being tied to one responsibility, be it a person or else, is my absolute hellish nightmare.

You don't have to worry about grammer; I don't. I write however I write, and whatever comes out comes. I'd never judge you for it.

Your topics aren't interesting to me just because they're inherently interesting, your topics are interesting to me because it's you telling them. You could talk to me about the stages of paint drying on a wall, and I'd listen attentively... or read it more accurately.

As for addressing me properly, I've noticed you started using feminine terms more often. I'm not a woman, I'm not a man either. I'm non-binary. I don't mind feminine terms, I go by all pronouns after all, including she/her. I just don't like being perceived as only a woman or only a man.

I'd greatly appreciate it if you mix up the masc/fem terms every now and then, I get enough woman treatment irl where I can't be my authentic self and have to stay silent in the face of misgendering for my own safety.

What you're doing isn't wrong. It just leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It makes me fear that you, too, only see me as a woman, so this request is simply for the peace of my mind.

You don't have to apologise, but you did. Thank you so much. Even if it was just out of politeness, you still apologised when it wasn't your fault. It made me feel better. I thought you were gone, that this was over, and I feared that I became boring, dull, and not responsive enough.

I'm sorry I rushed you, I only wanted to try again just in case this was a mishap of fate. I didn't want a small error in a terribly coded website to be the thing that ends one of the few friendly correspondence I have left on this earth. I wanted to make sure... and maybe say goodbye properly if it was really over.

Even if I came off as desperate, so be it.

What good has pride ever done to me except make me lose friends for not giving them a second chance?

And I'm sorry to hear about the busy month you went through, I hope it's long gone and over by now, whatever it was that bothered you. I hope it got happily solved, that you're safe and sound. I hope you're well-fed, that your family is healthy. This is less of wishing and more of a prayer, to what power I don't know. But I still hope.

I don't know you, and you know too much for comfort about me, I still wish you a lifetime of happiness.

The player character being pulled into the pool. Asking the characters parents if they'd be okay with synthetic meat, Olivia smiling at us when we do something funny. or her tail amacking the ground when she realizes we're in the same history class, the expressions our character makes when getting made. The way his eyes bulged out. My favorite is when the art teacher needed them to move stuff in the lab and no one told him there was a dolly. Poor Inky.

A lot of these scenes are my favourite scenes, too! the pool one was absolutely amazing, especially with how much it shows that Olivia started to trust Inky and feel comfortable around him. I was far too happy to watch my little guy get tipped into a pool like a scared cat. Character development, I tell you.

My absolute favourite was the reveal that Mr. Ferris is Liz' uncle/relative. Oh my god, especially when he shows up sporting the latest fashion, thanks to Inky's advice. I enjoyed his talks each morning on the bus, too. I used to be close to one of my teachers, and we'd have similar conversations.

I don't know the doll scene, actually. Either I forgot it or never encountered it. The last place I left off was at the exact scene of the whole friendgroup at the arcade, right after the art competition, where Olivia is starting round 2 in that retro fighting game against that one obnoxious guy who won against the others.

I'm a little curious about the endings, what makes one so much worse rhan the other? Wasn't the main issue evaded? What else could go wrong??? Does something MORE happens????????

Goddamn the writers must have sold their soul to the devil or something. How am I so invested, oh my god. This is a phenomenal story.

And I'll never look up spoilers because I want this curiosity to grow and gnaw at the back of my mind until I eventually give up and go continue playing the game. I hope you don't spoiler anything for me.

The current education system as a whole is 70% based on memorisation alone rather than understanding, resulting in teachers that don't fully comprehend the material they're teaching, only repeating what they have learnt. And students who don't dare ask why, only which parts are going to be in the test and how much grade worth they are.

Most current teachers can tell you "what" something is, but not "why" it is. They can recite the rules of writing perfectly to you, but won't be able to intricately explain why they are set in place. What is their purpose? Okay, but why is that a worthy purpose to pursue? What makes it worthy? How isn't that subjective? Why is some literature held in higher regard than others? Who decides which books are taught in the curriculum? Okay, why those people? How are we sure they aren't biased? Who even decided these works are great? And why are they great? Just because it became popular with a lot of people? What if I personally read it and it never appealed to me? Why are your subjective views considered the standards and mine considered wrong for not adhering to the standards you made up?

I want to understand, I want to truly understand.

But they saw it as me being an annoying little shit, and I don't blame them. Teachers are overworked, understaffed and underpaid. If they spend the whole lesson explaining to one kid all these things, they'll get behind on schedule, behind on the mandatory curriculum they must teach as issued by the government, behind on the rest of the class who will sit there awkwardly listening to answers to questions they never asked or cared about.

Not to mention how exhausting it must be having to answer the same "why" question time after time with as a new year rolls in and a new class is assigned to them. those questions aren't unique or clever, some of them are argumentative.

But that's what they were supposed to do, wasn't it? To teach. To explain why. Teachers in the olden times only took one or two students for life and indulged their curiosity. Now, it's a class of at least 40 kids. Even if a gem was hidden within them that needed some polishing to shine, a sprouting talent, the teacher simply can't afford the time. To forsake those 39 other students and pay attention to this one.

To me, when it came to math, my dad answered all of those "why" questions. He was a lead engineer. So I adored math, still love it because I was offered the opportunity to understand it. To come back home and why we use these equations, why are things in the order that they are.

When it came to other subjects, however? Not so much. I used to hate writing, can you imagine? Every single written essay about making a short story I have cheated on. I made my dad write it for me, and I didn't even read it before handing it in. It was always my weakest subject and the reason behind my lowest grades.

I viewed it as a waste of time. Writing was a demeaning form of art to little me. Math is more important and serious. Why should my grades get dragged down by something as stupid and meaningless as art? Why do I have to memorise those poems? I don't care about them, I can solve advanced equations!

But then...one time my dad was on a work trip and I had to write my own short story to hand in. I thought about looking one online but got bored reading the empty words, so I just decided to make stuff up and come up with a small concept on the spot.

I wrote a short 500-word story about a kid feeling scared moving into a new school, hiding between classes, wanting to go home. I wrote about how they stumbled upon the school garden and were surprised to find the flowers in full bloom. I wrote about the kind elderly gardener that they met, the flower he offered them, the words of wisdom he gave. Their brave little heart moved by it, keeping their flower tucked in their hair as they went into their next class with determination to face the unkown.

I fully expected to fail the assignment because of this seemingly corny gibberish I had written. After all, if my father, who is a successful genius, couldn't come up with a story impressive enough for my teacher, then what hope did elementary kid me have? Plus, my handwriting was chicken scratches at best. That story was full of misspellings.

So I handed it, and the next day, I received the graded paper only to see a full one hundred mark.

A full grade.

I have never ever gotten a full grade in this class in my life before, I accepted that it will be the only class where I threw in the towel long ago.

I was stunned, my story, my own writing—but my father wrote poetry, my father is an adult, how could this possibly be better.

It should've been a sign, I should've understood the lesson, I should've taken the hint, or even be encouraged a little bit to pursue this more.

But it was brushed to the side, I proudly showed my story to my family, the full mark, no one really cared. Writing is just making up words. It's not a science, it's nothing special.

It didn't make my dad proud. So I stopped. I went back to studying maths and English. He came back from the trip and started doing my creative writing essays again, my grades dropped.

Years went by, I discovered fanfics, I loved it, I discovered I was gay, and the world didn't love it. My world, at least, all the gay ships fanfic were in English, which I did not speak. So I studied it by myself through google Translate to read my gay fics.

I started my very own first fic and decided to make it arabic bc why do only the westerns get good thing? fuck em they are harding all the gay fics to themselves! My people deserve some too and I will make them! This could never go wrong! Woo!

Yeah. You can imagine what the reactions I received online were. There is a reason I went back to writing fics in English.

As for reading, I used to read the story columns in comic books and magazines. You know, those pages with a solid background colour, a doodle or two, and a wall of text telling a very short written story. Usually used as seperator pages between the comic book chapters, placed next to the advertisements of kid's toys.

Those were my bread and butter. I usually skipped them like any other kid. If there isn't shiny colourful art, then I am NOT interested. I'm here to look at cartoon pictures dummy, not read ew gross.

But I accidentally glimpsed an interesting line while flipping through one and...was hooked. Damn, I need to go back and read the gross wall of text now. And I did, and it was fun, and I started searching for them. Rereading my old comic books especially just to find to text wall pages, god every story was so unique and the style immensely varied! Wait, so they host stories from amateur writers?? and it's a different author each time? holy moly.

Because after a while, comic books become very predictable. I could see the plot point from a mile away, even while still a kid and the target audience, I was very very bored from seeing the same story in different fonts.

The text walls offered variety, a breath of fresh air.

But I wouldn't like to spend my limited allowance on a book with only words and no pictures, haha...or would I?

First year of middle-school, I have my first ever copy of a printed book! All words, no pictures, one of Agatha Christy murder mysteries!

Took it with me to school, read it in-between classes, It was like a whole new world. I was fully immersed, could imagine the scenes playing out in my brain vividly, each new page held a new word I've never heard of before, I'd go ask my arabic teacher about its meaning later on.

Acquiring more books as the months went, mostly murder mysterious, some arabic classical literature because I was still writing the arabic fanfic, and the time and wanted to strengthen my vocabulary.

Despite it, I was never a book neat freak. I didn't care for the smudges or creases. The stains and dirty corners meant very little to me. I would always lend the novels to my friends and othef classmates...I was in an uh "elite" school, exclusive to "smart" kids, if your grades every dropped below A- (90%) they'd kick you out fr. So no one ever picked on me for the books. In fact, they really wanted to try reading one as well, and I happily lent them!

But yeah, you could've given me the book back torn in half and I wouldn't have batted an eye.

Because to me, the book wasn't the story. No, the story is in me, it lives in my mind, I've fully read it and learned everything there is to learn about it. The story was never the words on the paper, those are just printed symbols of ink on thin fiber rectangles made from processed wood. The words, the sentence, the grammer, the whole book is just a tool, a brush on a canvas, the story flowed through it, from the pages into your eyes, it touched your heart, intertwined your soul, made a home for itself within your brain for eternity, to shape your mind.

I'm sure the fact I could still retell you the story from that book with exact same enthusiasm and astonishment I experienced the first time I've read it, would mean much more to the author than the fact I let a friend use their book as a coffee mug coaster than one time.

Every book, every story you've ever read, has become a part of you already.

Writing is unbelievably broad. It's s not only shaped as text on a page, but a story can take many forms. Especially in the mundane everyday life.

Just because it happens in your mind doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Just because it wasn't solidified through text doesn't mean it wasn't birthed into existence out of thin air by your neurons and creativity.

A book is a mere physical vessle; the writing was never the words, you won't find a story in a jar of ink or at the sharp tip of a feather.

But you will find a story at the tips of your ink smuged fingers, you will find it pouring from your lips as you described a past memory with a friend, you're writing, aware of it or not. you will hear it in your mother's voice when she calls you to tell you the plot of a show she started watching, that's writing. You will find it in digital texts between you and an old friend.

You will find it in correspondence between two strangers because this, too, is writing.

And I hear you, I see what you're convoying, I enjoy your style. You write so beautifully. Any mishaps in the grammer, misspelling, or other is glossed over. You don't judge a painting by the splinters on the wooden brush it was drawn with.

You don't judge a book by its cover, or grammer, or misspellings, or limited vocabulary. Because those things are easy to fix, are learnable skills, polish atop a dry painting. Much like you can buy a brand-new pristine brush, you can memorise all the idoms and prose to your heart's content, hire the best editors, and spell checking apps.

But if your story is boring, then it's boring. A child with a limited grasp on the language is as capable of telling a story as a full-grown adult. All those extra things can only take you so far. You can dress up a garbage can as much as you want, but by the end of the day, it's still a garbage can. A polished vividly-worded intricate shit story is still a shit story.

It's why I never take those angry video essays from readers trashtaking youn adult novels seriously. They're the cinema sins to the writer community. Yeah the plot is corny and bdsm fetishes are sprinkled in there, yeah the characters are very romanticised, yeah they are soulmates in first glance—I'm sorry just what is the point you're trying to make here exactly? it's the goddamn young adults genre. All those things are fundamental parts of the genre.

It's subjective! Oh my god. If it doesn't meet your preference, then why the fuck are you reading it. Did you deliberately pick a genre with a set clear message and intentions then got disappointed your imaginary standards weren't met? Why are you buying clothes at the soup store?

I don't like those books either, so I don't read them. Like jeez, just close the book, buddy. It's not that serious. No, it's not bad writing. It just doesn't meet your falsely placed expectations. These corny messy stories are exactly what the author intended them to be, they convey the original message of a romanticised porn heavy world perfectly, it's a goddamn indulgence genre, there is a market for it. No, it being erotica or fetishy doesn't demean it as a form of art in any way, no you don't get to claim that just because it has an audience of lonely housewives then that makes not "real writing" You're just rebranding misogyny and disguising it as writing criticism you biased twat.

You can't box creativity. You can't demean erotica or fetishes. You can't treat your preferences as the holy grail.

You'll only ever judge art correctly when you let go of the expectations you set upon it and try to view it from the author's perspective. What were they trying to achieve? What was the story they were convoying? Did they succeed in meeting their own expectations? Was this a serious piece or did they just want to have fun and let go? Or was the rent due?

Try to understand it, and if you don't, then it's not for you. There is no hidden meaning, no bigger picture, your taste is not the golden standards, it doesn't saying anything about a work of fiction that failed to catch your interest, because it certainly succeeded with others who understood its message.

Anyway, I'd love some recommendations, tell me about the books that made you fall in love with reading. Don't just give me names, but tell me about them, I want to view them through your eyes.

For me, I really hope you'll like "All tomorrows" and "I have no mouth and I must scream." They're both dear books to my heart. They shaped some of my writings. Both of them are free online, "All tomorrows" is only available through digital copies, the other book is available in print, But I prefer the free audiobook version read by the author himself, Harlan Ellison! It's on YouTube. You really get a feel for those characters, god, the way he convayed them. I could only aspire to ever write like him one day.

Don't apologise for the multiple asks anonymous thing, it doesn't apply to you. What you did was different, that person deliberately pretended to be multiple people, used different styles and personas.

I feel like a fool afterwards, the whole monologue that followed about how I thought people liked my writing, the shameful feelings I confided in you. I really thought it was going to be different, that someone cared about what I had to say instead of just getting what they wanted from me and leaving.

I feel stupid for thinking things would magically change, that people would magically change. My art is only appealing to them as long as it remains useful to them. They don't respect me or see me as a person, they couldn't care less about my craft, they just want to greedly mindlessly consume, talking to me like I'm a writing bot, never taking into account what would make me uncomfortable, not even extended the courtesy of basic decency and politeness.

So no. What you did was different. And I knew it was you, on some of them at least. You have a distinct style, it's hard to pick up upon but I noticed it.

Also, you're fine with the straight whito male target audience thing. Each game has ar audience in one form or another.

Thanks, I just hope no one boobily breasts down the stairs or kyaa their way into pulling my pants down. These men really should start investing in a good belt. Plus, I play otome games with 6 feet tall men with monster hog thundercocks and sensitive hopelessly romantic hearts, so I am a massive hypocrite.

I came into this game with the wrong perspective and impression. Inco has been more relatable for me as a protagonist than 90% of novel dating sim games I've played. Some lessons you must relearn, I shouldn't have judged the game by its first impression.

As for what you wrote about the X Reader genre, I'm glad that we share a similar mindset! You understand its appeal to me, and you can see my vision. I absolutely adore it for that reason, the blank page I got to paint, the world I get to expand upon.

It works especially well with games with a player protagonist, taking it from the video game medium to written fanfics results in the X Reader genre. What I'm saying is, a lot of people already consume X Reader stuff in other art mediums without realising it. It's just unlabelled.

I like being involved in the story, I like you being involved. I want to bring the world to life with you in it, you the reader, I want you to be addressed and to feel incuded in the story.

I enjoy video game mechanics being used to tell a story as well, especially when it's by accident.

Take Pathologic for example, I found a wedding ring in a trash can Immediately after exiting the house of a potential love interest, a woman so full of life and love for it, a sweet sensitive soul who yearns for true love, devotion and fairytale romance, who has shown interest in the protagonist despite just meeting him.

And the protagonist himself, Dr. Daniil Dankovsky, a self-proclaimed enemy of death. The doctor knight who took an oath to cure death, all death. Who has given up his personal time, hobbies, friends, and everything for the cause, who has devoted his whole life to his research and study. A most logical and cynical man, " there is only one truth" kind of person, who qoutes latin randomly as if it's normal, to be be met with love at first sight immediately after setting a foot in this town, much like a brick to the face.

And of course, the rarest item in the entire loot table spawns the first time I dig through a trashcan after starting his run, of course I stare at this golden ring in grim realisation, aware of it's symbolic meaning. The love life Daniil his thrown away, isolated himself into a clinical cold lab, only to dig through the trashcan and end up picking it up again immediately after being struck by cupid's bow out of the blow.

Gold rings are immensely valuable, and the first day of any run in Pathologic can make or break your run. Selling it would've saved me so many headaches...but I kept it, because it told a beautiful story. I stashed the ring in a save table next to his bed, I see it whenever I empty my inventory.

Their love is doomed, they won't get a happy end, not because of a fault or a fight of either of them. Instead, it ends quietly, Eva commits suicide, jumps off the cathedral as the final act of her life, to grant the building her soul, to feel useful for accomplishing something at last.

Daniil never gets to say goodbye.

Another example of game mechanics telling a story, is Mass Effect 3!

Thane's deathbed scene, especially, I talked about this in a different post. My Shepard ended up attending his death in a short red dress, clearly meant for a party or something. Very inappropriate for the occasion and immensely jarring in pictures

I was midway through the game, completely exhausted from fighting the stupid war in the middle of fuck off space, every mission was more depressing than the last and I just needed a break. Maybe go back and see Thane? I know he wouldn't have anything new to say but that's alright, I'm just going to exhaust his dialogue tree again, sit next to him for a while, then go back to playing the hero.

So I put Shepard in a romantic short red dress, pretending this is a special occasion and she's getting ready for a date with Thane. You know, make things a little more interesting, change the military professional attire I've kept her in all this time for immersion to something cute and nice.

And I don't know if you're aware, but in Thane ME3 romance, you're only allowed one kiss. That prompt you use to smooch your romantic partner that you can spam while talking to them? Yeah, with Thane it only works one time, afterwards he tells you that he's feeling too drained out, the sickness taking a toll on him, he's sorry he can't offer you more than a single kiss. Maybe when he rests up, he'll be up for another later, but now it's still too soon.

So, I understood that as the game telling me to go take a hike, and I did. After each important mission, I'd quickly go check up on Thane to see if we can smooch again. It never happened :(

But this time, oh, this time, I decided it's going to be different, or at least I'd pretend it is by making up a date.

Well, you can imagine how well that grand plan was executed when I came into the Citadel getting attacked. I couldn't even step a single foot inside before the mission started itself.

It's my first time playing so I thought, okay fuck fine, I'll do this quickly then go see Thane. So Shepard got stuffed into the armour with her dress still on, Ignored enemies and just gunned it from one check point to another unless killing them was absolutely necessary to progress.

And then, That Thane scene came. And he got stabbed by emo boy. For a fleeting second, I held the hate of the entire fandom for Kai Leng in my heart.

I thought he was going to die, I paused the game, went to look it up online because no fucking way he'll bleed to death in the middle of the Citadel. Why can't we carry him to safety exactly?? Fuck the councillor idk, I saved their asses in ME1, I want to cash in that card to get out of saving this now too, let em die, we still have the replacement council in the box, minty fresh condition and all.

Thankfully, I found an answer that reassured me that Thane wouldn't die....now. Yeah, his death scene was spoiled for me, but that's fine, that's okay.

I got through the mission, Kaidan near betrayal with Udina just rubbed salt into the wound, confirmed to me that he is an ungrateful piece of shit and Thane is clearly the superior man and better romantic choice because he would've never pulled this shit on Shepard. He would've cut off his own hand before pointing a gun at us.

So the mission is over, I couldn't give less of a shit about anyone else or progressing. I immediately booked it to the hospital, and I wasn't even aware that Thane sent you an email on the terminal to ask you to visit. I didn't read it, I was already on my way there.

Scene plays out, and I realise how much Shepard sticks out like a sore thumb because of the red dress. So I reload, go to the Normandy, change into something appropriate, go back to the hospital and—

Thane's dead.

He had already passed away. The second you board the Normandy, the game triggers his death, with or without you in the room. Even at his final moments, you couldn't be there for him.

I reload an earlier save file.

I go to the hospital, I enter his room, and I let the scene play out.

This dress was meant to be for their date. It was meant for a joyous occasion, a celebration of their love.

This is the dress of someone who thought they had more time, of someone who couldn't possibly predict watching the same loved one they dress up for today, pass away in front of their eyes before he could even get a proper look at them.

Even this, a pretend imaginary date, was taken from me. And now this dress will always be marked with the memory of his funeral. It will always be the last thing he saw Shepard in before the sea swept him away.

I kept it in the closet, I couldn't use it for a long while despite how pretty it is. Sometimes, I made Shepard wear it when I missed him.

And I never got my promised second kiss.

This was a delight to write, I'm glad you're still here. Really, the kindness you've shown me, I won't take it for granted ever. I'm immensely grateful for it.

I hope your day is going well, I received your second ask, I did find a new game that I can't wait to tell you about! I'll talk about it there since this letter is already loaded as it is.

I hope your day is wonderful <3

0 notes

oyeixcher · 6 months ago

Note

I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart if you could wish positive energy…

Brazil (my country) mobilized completely to help with the rescues and also to donate money and supplies such as food, clothes and blankets to the flood victims.

There are news report in English for those who want to know more: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/02/world/americas/brazil-rain-floods.html

At least 75 killed, more than 100 others missing in Brazil floods | Climate Crisis News | Al Jazeera

!!! Share if you can, people, please.

Oh no I'm so sorry this is happening to you people in Brazil. I'm definitely sending positive energy to all of you and I hope your friends and family are safe. This is horrible and very sad 🥺 Please everyone send positive energy to Brazil and the people affected by this 🖤💜

#asks #anonymous #important #thoughts and prayers are with you #🖤💜

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neteluvr-library · 1 year ago

Text

ANDRA BBY IM SO SORRY FOR THE SPAM AGAIN BUT LIKE....it must be done???? i dont make the rules ): don't mind me cruising through illicit affairs. now it is currently 1 am so if im a little unhinged now so please excuse my thoughts AHAHAHAH

Just you and me. Just you and me. Just you and me.

ANDRA YOU CHEEKY BASTARD YOU!!!!!!! im gonna have to find every "just you and me" reference now.

You’d recognise this voice anywhere, for the rest of your life, this voice was going to be able to pull you out of the deepest shadows and into the light. You opened your eyes and willed them to focus past the tears, past the blood you could feel on your hands and feet and focus on the blue form talking to you.

SEFEHUGHBKRBJSGJRGBOENGFOBR IM FUCKING CRYING ITS TOO SWEET....but *spoilers for the archer* I LOVE HOW ATAN'S VOICE ALSO PULLED NETEYAM OUT OF HIS COMATOSE DREAMLIKE STATE IN THE ARCHER ): like everything really is a circle for them. they are A CIRCLE FOREVER CONNECTED FOR INFNITY

“Breathe. Take slow, deep breaths, can you do that for me? I need you to give me a sign you can hear me, Atan (light). Please, please.”

THE FIRST ATAN OF MANY??? THE FIRST CHARACTER NAME WE GET FOR Y/N????? not about illicit affairs but MiM...but im really glad Y/N has Vi as her nickname now like after atan and vol, it just didn't seem right that MiM y/n didn't have a name?? what else were we gonna refer to her as? SHE NEEDED A NICKNAME ATAN, VOL, AND VI ARE THE HOLY TRINITY. makes me wonder if y/n in false god will have an iconic nickname 😝

Your new body fit into his like the final piece of the puzzle you were both trying to solve all your lives.

GGODAMN IT THIS IS TOO GOOD.

He was bawling now, bringing his knees to his chest and settling his head on them. “I feel like my being in her life will kill her.”

OOOF THIS PART!!! This scene is one of the best in illicit affairs because it gives great insight in why neteyam and atan's relationship is so straight. He's very noble in his reasoning and i think its logical. If atan is constantly hurt when he's around, he must be the issue right? WRONG!!!!! like seriously why did he think leaving was the best choice 😭 but also to know he loves her so much he is willing to leave her at the small chance of making her life easier (except it didn't) is so !!!!! (no words--sorry its 1 am). ITS LITERALLY JUST UNFORTUNATE COINCIDENCES AHHHHHHHHHH. i picture neteyam sobbing and heaving and it makes me so sad pls i want to hold him forever and reassure him that NO DO NOT LEAVE ATAN PLEASEEEEEE

“Your dad and I have not said anything until now, because we know. We’ve always known how you felt for her. And we wish that she could have been Na’vi, that this could happen for you, son, but maybe this is a sign from Eywa to look towards the future, to start finding your true mate, one who will not make you feel like this when you are around her. Love is not supposed to hurt, my son.”

OUCH because I actually feel very offended that Neytiri would even suggest that Neteyam's love for Atan is hurting him. Like yes, it is hurting him. But not in a way that's toxic and harmful. I think he just loves Atan so much that it is overwhelming and powerful which would cause him to be emotional and feel everything at a heightened level. Not because its Eywa's sign that his and Atan's love is not good ): ALSO LMFAO AT THE DIFFERENCE IN TPYINH FROM THIS NOTE COMPARED TO THE LAST....you can tell i feel serious when i start using formal punctuation and grammar HAHAAH

You couldn’t take another dream, another anything, so, popping two Xanax pills, you crashed your head into the pillow and hoped for a peaceful blackout.

This may be controverisal...but i love Atan's drug addiction? NOT because I'm romanticizing it but I think its a very accurate portrayal of what depression can do you and i think it added a level of intensity that you don't see often in literature and fanfics. Like...how many times does the female main character have a drug addiction? I really enjoy the intensity of it because it adds a layer of rawness (I'm sorry I use this word a lot but i think its very applicable to your writing) and depth that i like to see in female characters. NOT ALL WOMEN ARE PRISTINE AND PERFECT AND GRACEFUL like yes we suffer too and sometimes that suffering manifest in less than pretty ways

“Ow, ow, ow!! Kiri, stop that! They were next to my sleeping bag, don’t leave your shit everywhere if you don’t want people to step on it.”

“NOT PEOPLE, LO’AK. YOU! IT’S ALWAYS YOU!”

HAHAHAH I LOVE THIS ITS SO FUNNY. BEST BROTHER SISTER DUO GOES TO LOAK AND KIRI

You saw it in yourself and your day to day struggle to empty your cup, your mind always looking for meaning, and answers, and ways to fix and analyse and quantify. Always requiring proof, never being able to just be and watch and observe things and beings for what they are, not what they could be.

This is very profound and fitting for human nature. We need to THINK less and SEE more.

He was gone most evenings while you had dinner with his family, and would only come back soon before you made your way to your tent.

This small detail. SOMETHING THAT SEEMS SO inconsequential....BUT IS NOT. i didn't pay attention to this line at first, but on my second read of illicit affairs i caught onto it 😒 you think you're funny planting these small details HUH?!?!??!!?

In it, you were weak, plagued by all your insecurities and fears and nightmares, all of which came out at night.

Same 🥰

“Well, it has a camera sight on the top for better aim and targeting. It has a second grip for better firing stability and has a long barrel that allows for higher muzzler velocity. Like most weapons used by humans, it can also fire 0226-LSAR ammo, and a grande launcher can be attached to the second grip.”

BABY IM SO SORRY I HAVE TO ADMIT THIS BUT...my brain did not process this at all when i first read this. i was like okay cool, BUT THEN YOU SAID YOU DID THE MOST RESEARCH ON GUNS AND I FELT SO BAD FOR NOT APPRECIATING IT. LIKE IT JUST ADDS SO MUCH MORE TO THE STORY AND IM FOREVER IN AWE OF HOW DEDICATED YOU ARE TO WRITING AND YOUR LORE? it didn't compute in my brain that you actually had to research this like ofc you didn't know this info out of your ass?

Jake has tried to be your dad for a long time and you just couldn’t bring yourself to allow that kind of love in your life anymore, not after knowing what it’s like to lose it.

LET HIM IN YOU BIG DUMBO!!!!!! the truth is, you can crave something so bad (love) while simultaneously driving it away and that's exactly what atan is doing ): ... again same girl same 🥰 i also run away from what i want most bc of my insecurities 🥰

Pushing the knife against his throat, you applied pressure and made a cut. The boy tried his best to recoil, but the men did a better job at keeping him down than you thought they would. You took the knife and placed it on the ground, then took the syringe Lo’ak gave you and hollowed it out.

THIS PART TOO? LIKE YOU HAD TO RESEACH IT AND I WAS LIKE OH OKAY SHE JUST AUTOMATICALLY KNEW HOW TO DESCRIBE A TRACHEOSTOMY?? THATS A LOT OF RESEARCH FOR ONE CHAPTER. just know i appreciate it now!!!!!!

You were an angel. There was so much hurt and darkness in you, but somehow you managed to spread light everywhere you went. No matter how hard life got, you never lost the desire to do good, to be good, and Neteyam didn’t think he could love you any more than he did right at that second.

WAHHHHH IM GONNA CRY ): NETEYAM ALWAYS THINKS THE SWEETEST MOST ENDEARING THINGS ABOUT ATAN. THAT IS A MAN IN LOVE!!! atan...light...angel...spread light. i aspire to be like atan and i hope i can radiate light like her even tho im struggling mentally AHAHAHA ):

“It was supposed to be done for your birthday, but it took me a lot longer than I thought carving the wood.”

this is so cute but also the thought of a na'vi sized guitar is hilarious. that shit is a weapon. LITTLE SONGBIRD ATAN ❣️

I have this dream you're doing cool shit

Having adventures on your own

You meet some woman on the internet and take her home

We never painted by the numbers, baby

But we were making it count

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

GIRL FUCK YOU 😭😭 TIOEFJWIGSNINONHJOGOB S I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS????? I LITERALLY DONT REMEBER THE 1 BEING IN ILLICIT AFFAIRS. IM SOBBING BECAUSE I CAN ONLY ASSOCIATE THIS SONG WITH NETEYAM AND VOL NOW GHIHOIBA IM AHHHHHHHHHH it does fit very well in this scene. THE 1 GIVES ME SUCH A GUT REACTION I CANT ITS LIKE A TRIGGER BUT ALSO I LOVE IT SM WHYNWOULD YOU DO THIS ?

You didn’t realise you forgot to put a mask on in your distracted state, and with the hood prepped and ready to go, you removed the blood from the fridge where you kept it while everything you ready and made your way to your work station.

OOP- 😈

this was actually super longjfongnbaIG OKAY ITS ALMOST 2 AM SO IM DEFINITELY GOING TO SLEEP BUT I LOVE THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE ITS THE CATALYST FOR ALL THE SHIT THATS ABOUT TO GO DOWN AND I LIVE FOR THE CHAOS AND ANGST AHHHHHHHH

Illicit Affairs | Chapter V: All Too Well

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: Neteyam's life changed when you came into his life the first time, and is now bound to change again, in ways neither of you could have ever predicted.

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, descriptions of ptsd flashbacks, cursing, blood, descriptions of surgical procedures, some fluff.

Word Count: 9k words (wow)

A/N: Chapter 5 is coming out a little earlier than expected because I am too excited to wait. We finally get to discover a little more about what Neteyam's gone through and his decision to leave, so super chuffed about that. I am working really hard trying to balance writing for this and being a PhD student, but I am happy with the progress I am making and hope to be done with Chapter 6 in a couple days' time. Things are quickly unfolding, and there is a looot happening in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy <3 I'd love to hear your thoughts x

From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did this love affair maim you too?

“Fuck, fuck fuck!” Neteyam ran faster than he knew he could and kneeled next to you. He was panting in heart-stopping fear, watching your shaking form and hearing your pained wails that were opening out so many holes in his chest, the pain was unbearable. He forced himself to try and remember what to do; this wasn’t your first flashback, this wasn’t the first flashback he’s had to walk you through. One, do not touch the person experiencing a PTSD flashback. Done. Two?

“Y/N. It’s me, it’s Neteyam, listen to me. You are with me in the the forest a couple clicks North-west of the village. It’s just you and me, there’s nothing happening to you right now. You’re safe. It’s just you and me.”

Just you and me. Just you and me. Just you and me.

Everything hurt. You just wanted it over, you wanted everything to be over. You couldn’t hear or see anything around you, except yourself in a past you’d do anything to forget about.

Just you and me. Just you and me. Just you and me.

“It’s me. Hey, it’s me. You’re ok. We’re ok. You are with me now, you’re safe. Please come back.”

“Breathe. Take slow, deep breaths, can you do that for me? I need you to give me a sign you can hear me, Atan (light). Please, please.”

You tried your best to do as you were told. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Remembering his request, you nodded almost imperceptibly.

“I’m here. You’re safe. Please come back. It’s just you and me.”

Just you and me. Just you and me. Just you and me.

Neteyam…

You slowly moved your hands, searching, desperately needing the feel of his warmth on you. He knew, he always knew. Without the smallest hesitation, he grabbed both of your hands in his. You looked at him, finally able to see in front of you, see what was real. He was real. Your tears fell freely down your cheeks, and without a second thought, you removed your hands from his and felt your arms reach out for him, for all of him. You hugged him tightly and sighed a breath of relief when he closed whatever space was left between you and held you close. Your new body fit into his like the final piece of the puzzle you were both trying to solve all your lives.

You didn’t say a word. The world was moving on around you, but not you. You and Neteyam stood there, in the little corner of Pandora that suddenly felt a lot like a safe haven in the storm.

“You’re ok to get up?”

“Yeah, thank you.”

“Do you want me to carry you back?”

“No, thank you. I can walk.”

It was too late to continue training and you silently made your way back to the village. You felt embarrassed, and so you walked with your head down the whole way back. You knew there was nothing to be embarrassed about, there was nothing to be ashamed of, and yet, going back on your first day in this new body, having been given a second chance at a new life, you were disappointed that your nightmares didn’t seem to care which version of you they had to go through to resurface.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Neteyam. I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m sorry you always seem to be around when these things happen.”

If only you knew how sorry he was that he was always around when these things happen.

He couldn’t be sure, but he can guess what triggered your flashbacks. He couldn’t lie and say that day didn’t haunt his dreams, too.

Neteyam made his way back to the village that evening shaking and in tears, and wanted nothing more to take his Ikran far away to a place no one would be able to find him. But alas, he took his bow from the stand in the family tent and slipped out unnoticed while everyone else was having a communal dinner by the bonfire. He walked furiously, still shaking, still crying, until he reached the training grounds he used to go to every day when he was younger. He saw broken arrows on the ground next to some of the targets and felt it was fitting for how he was feeling. Broken, like no amount of care could ever bring him back to the arrow he was currently holding in his hands. He made quick work of the targets he could easily spot, then worked his way through the harder ones until his body ached and his fingers bled from all the now-opened scabs.

“Ma ‘itan (my son).” He heard a voice break through the shadows of the now fluorescent flora surrounding him. He saw his mum’s steps before he actually saw her, and turned his back to her before she could see him, truly see him.

Neytiri approached him slowly and gently took the bow from his hands. She placed it around her body and placed her arms on her son, one on his back and one on his chest, above his heart.

“What is the matter, son?”

“Nothing, mother. I will come home soon, I promise.”

She reached over and wiped away her son’s tears with her thumb.

“Please, tell me what happened.”

Neteyam couldn’t hide anymore when a small guttural cry escaped his lips. His mum slowly moved him away from the practice area and sat him down on the grass, that illuminated under their weight.

“Mum, I’m killing her.”

He was bawling now, bringing his knees to his chest and settling his head on them. “I feel like my being in her life will kill her.”

“Y/N?”

“Every time we are together, something happens to her that breaks her even more. She found her dad, mum. She found her dad’s skeleton racing me through the forest. I almost killed her once because I wanted to get her out and show her the forest, so I almost killed her on my Ikran.”

“Ma ‘itan…”

“She wouldn’t go outside if it wasn’t for me. I push her to go, because I hate seeing her like this, seeing her wasting away in a lab, I just want her to be better, and happy and free, like she used to be when we were kids. I push her to go, and every time it ends up making it worse.”

Neytiri waited for her son to release all the worry plaguing him. Her son kept everything inside, but if you were patient enough with him, he would let you in eventually.

“Neteyam… you can’t blame yourself for these things. You had no way of knowing how these things would turn out. Yes, it was irresponsible to take her on the Ikran, but you were a child. You wanted to help, and she loved being on it. She told me it was the best thing she had ever done, and that she is grateful that you thought to take her with you. Your strong heart saved both of you from Toruk. I am sorry about what happened today, that must have been really hard on her, but you were just walking trough the forest together. Any other place on Pandora, and this wouldn’t have happened. This was just a horrible misfortune, but it’s not your misfortune to bear.”

Neteyam was crying so hard he felt himself running out of breath.

“You didn’t see her, mum. I saw her, laying unconscious on the ground. I saw the blood, so much blood I didn’t even think such a small person could carry it. I thought she died. I have nightmares about that night that I will never be able to outgrow. You should have seen her today. She was shaking and screaming and clawing at her feet so hard, she won’t be able to walk for weeks. Why must everything bad in the world must happen to her, mum?”

“We don’t know what Eywa has in store, ma ‘itan. She protects the balance of life, and maybe there is a reason for all this hurt. We can only help her the best way we know how, by loving her and being there for her. We have to hope that that’s enough.”

“I don’t think I can do that anymore, mum. I don’t think I can watch her suffer anymore. It’s killing me. I love her, mum. I love her so much and there is nothing I want more in the world than to take her hurt and make it go away.”

“Neteyam, I think sometimes it is better to realise a hard truth early than live with a comfortable reality until the cracks in your heart are too deep to ever be able to be mended. Maybe both of you just need some time apart, to grow and heal on your own. I know you love her, Neteyam. But she will never be yours. She’s not one of us, son. You will never be able to be mated. I know you love her, but she is human. So maybe some time apart will allow you to move on, and then you can be there for her, as her friend, as someone who can help her navigate this life whilst living your own.”

He looked over to the girl walking close to him, the girl who was now no longer just a human, but an Avatar, a girl who had a chance to be one of the people one day, but whose demons did not diminish over time at all, and he wondered if they ever will.

Soon enough, the lights of the village came into view and you were not ready to have to talk to anybody, explain to anybody when there were no words to describe the pain and anguish inside your heart. You wanted sleep, a deep sleep that wouldn’t cease in the morning.

“How about you just go to your tent for the night? You can catch up with the family tomorrow morning. I will tell them you worked really hard and since this was your first day in a new body, you just need some rest.”

You let out a big sigh of relief, and nodded silently at Neteyam, grateful and unnerved at his uncanny ability to understand your needs almost better than you were able to understand them yourself.

“Irayo (Thank you).”

Your tent felt cold and uninviting when you entered it, but you couldn’t be bothered to think about it too hard, and, as you let yourself collapse on the mat that would qualify as a bed for the foreseeable future, you thought about all the new challenges that dawn will bring.

“That’s right, come on back, Ace. That’s it.”

The light was blinding you, as your eyes adjusted to your newfound environment. You groaned slightly and removed the metal cage trapping you to the linkpod. With heavy legs, you got up and stretched your body as well as you could, trying to ignore the tingling of your limbs as the blood flowed through them properly for the first time in over half a day.

“So, how was it?” Norm was almost besides himself excited, and you knew you had to lie, because telling him it was one of the hardest, most excruciating days of your life might dampen the current mood.

“Hard, but a lot of fun! I learnt to ride a Pa’li, and Tsaheylu is unlike anything I have ever experienced. There really is nothing like it in this body that can compare.”

“Ah, I’m glad to hear it. Do you have plans for tomorrow?”

“I think just more of the same? I’ll start learning how to shoot a bow soon, too. I, for one, think I’ll kick ass at it.” You said, hoping your amused tone and sly comments were enthusiastic enough to be perceived as authentic.

“I’m sure you will, Ace. You off to bed?”

“Yeah, I’m exhausted.”

Your human face staring back at you in the mirror looked somewhat better than the muddy, cried-out one you left behind at the village, but that doesn’t mean much when both bodies shared a soul, one that looked much worse than either of them could ever reflect.

You couldn’t take another dream, another anything, so, popping two Xanax pills, you crashed your head into the pillow and hoped for a peaceful blackout.

The next day, you were back in your Avatar body before dawn, and made your way towards the Sully tent, dedicated to make this work. It took a while to get the mud off your body at the nearby river, but eventually you thought you looked presentable enough to go ahead with the day. You promised Lo’ak, and Jake, and Norm, and yourself, that you would make this work, or at least give it a good college try.

“Can I come in?” You remember to speak in Na’vi, and find the family eating breakfast around the fire.

“Lo’ak you skxawng, you stepped on the herbs I spent all of yesterday collecting.” Kiri was screaming at Lo’ak and hitting him across the arm while he was trying to defend himself as best he could from the continuous onslaught.

“Ow, ow, ow!! Kiri, stop that! They were next to my sleeping bag, don’t leave your shit everywhere if you don’t want people to step on it.”

“NOT PEOPLE, LO’AK. YOU! IT’S ALWAYS YOU!”

“Bro, remove your girl before she maims me.” Lo’ak directed his attention to the human boy sitting in the corner, just laughing and enjoying the show.

You couldn’t help laugh at the scene, fondly remembering all the times Lo’ak and Kiri bickered like twins - there was no doubt in your mind these two were made to be siblings.

Neteyam, sitting in a corner in silence, sharpening his knife, glanced up at you inquisitively. You didn’t like how intimate his gaze felt and with the perspective of a new day, you knew it was a mistake to allow him so close to you yesterday, to allow yourself to touch him and hug him and pull his body close to yours like he was your life support machine. A mistake. You don’t make mistakes.

“Maite, come, sit, eat.” Neytiri came in and pushed you closer to the fire, placing her hands on your shoulders and forcing you to sit. She gave you fruits and seeds and motioned for you to go ahead. “Tell me how yesterday went! Neteyam told us you are much better at your Pa’li training than their dad ever was.”

“Hey, I can hear you, you know?” Jake said, taking a break from cleaning a rifle to scowl lovingly at the mother of his children.

“Well, I can’t speak to Jake’s proficiency, but I think it went well. Great Mother, the Tsaheylu was one of the most incredible experiences of my life, I never knew it was possible for a feeling like that to exist.”

“Wait til you bond with an Ikran.” Lo’ak interjected. “It’s fucking awesome.”

“LANGUAGE!” Said Jake at the same time Neytiri sent a hiss in her younger son’s direction.

You and Neteyam made your way to the archery practice area. There were many people there, most of them accompanying their young kids learning to use a bow and arrow for the first time, learning to one day be able to pull their weight for the sake of the village and their loved ones. You stared in awe at the determination these children had, how unwavering and brightly it shone. It must be nice to be sure of the life ahead of you, be sure of your purpose and your future.

“Right. Unlike Spider, you have not had any practice with our bows, so we have to go back to basics. There are things you always have to keep in mind when you shoot an arrow, and these things will take time. In time, it will become second nature to you, but practice makes perfect - although true for anything, it is especially true in this case.”

“First, your stance.”

He removed his bow from around his body and demonstrated. You couldn’t help stare at him, couldn’t help trace your eyes all over his body, that was now fully on display for you, and adjusted your posture to now accommodate for the heat you felt in between your thighs at the sight. Fuck.

He smirked at you and dropped the stance. “I’m going to need you to focus. Can you do that?”

You raised an eyebrow and looked at him, an annoyed look crossing you features. “Yes, I can do that. Don’t patronise me.”

He raised his hands, as if relenting, and apologised with a small smile.

You raised the bow you were holding in your right hand and try to mimic his posture the best you could. He circled you, analysing every aspect of your stance, his gaze pausing on some aspects more than others.

“Your knees are too straight. You have to bend them a little.” You did as you were told, no questions asked. You trusted he knew what he was talking about more than you’d ever be able to argue him on.

One of his legs made his way between yours and slightly tugged at one, and you hissed at the contact. “Your feet need to be aligned with your shoulders.”

“Your feet also need to be parallel to the target.” You adjusted your feet slightly, focusing on trying to assimilate everything he was saying. You were nothing if not a good student.

“Good. Remember, good stance means good posture, means consistent good shots.”

He was a good teacher, you noted. Calm and patient, he took his time and never talked down to you. He explained well and was attentive to details, and you couldn’t help think this is, once again, proof of Neytiri and the clan’s influence on him. Whereas his two younger siblings were chaotic and a lot more human in their demeanour and behaviour, Neteyam was quiet, focused and determined. A true leader, a true warrior. The perfect son, Lo’ak words ring in your ears.

He circled you once more, and you noticed your arms were starting to get tired. You didn’t complain, though. You were not going to be weak - couldn’t be weak.

He placed a hand on your back and the other on one of your shoulders, willing them back in a straight position. Your body buzzed at the contact and you had to suppress a shiver running down your spine. “Your back always has to be straight. Not hunched, but not over-arched, either.”

He placed both his hands on your hips, and you froze into place. His figure was towering over you, you could feel him, feel his warmth radiating on your back. He kept his distance, so as to not attach himself to you, and gently pulled your hips backwards. Your breath was laboured now, you knew, and let out a silent prayer that he couldn’t hear you, couldn’t hear your heart beat that you were sure was so loud it was noticeable within a 2 click radius.

“Your hips have to be straight, too. No bending them forwards or backwards.”

This went on for a while, just a slow torture that you thought was never going to end, until at some point, a few hours later, he finally allowed you to shoot an arrow. The pain you felt in between your shoulder blades and arms was nearing unbearable, but still, you soldiered on. You tried to keep in mind everything he told you all at once, and with a (hopefully) correct stance, posture, grip and bow arm, it was time to work on your release. Your fingers were cramping from holding the bow so tightly in between them, and with a slight whimper, you let go.

He followed the arrow with his eyes, all the way through the air and past the target, getting stuck on the ground somewhere beyond view. He turned his attention back to you.

“That was not horrible. Your arm is too low.” he says while gently placing a hand on your arrow-holding arm and moving it upward, furthering the pain you felt in between your shoulder blades. He moved his hand downwards and placed it on your abdomen. You gulped, and saw the ghost of a smile on his face. “Your core is not engaged, Y/N. Take a deep breath.” He waited for you to do as you were told. “Hold like this. Txur nì'ul. Stronger.”He didn’t remove his hand, that damn hand, until he was satisfied with your form, then let go. “Again.”

You spent your days like this, training, running, discovering Pandora’s flora and fauna, not as a scientist, but as a hunter and as an apprentice, with timid curiosity and appreciation for the life in front of you. For the first time in your life, you tried to see beyond the science and really see the miracles happening around you. Neteyam told you something on one of your walks that stuck with you.

“When you see nothing, you will see everything.”

You see more and more why scientists, why your mother or Grace, or Norm or Max, could never make it here. It wasn’t because of survival, or training, or skill. You saw it in yourself and your day to day struggle to empty your cup, your mind always looking for meaning, and answers, and ways to fix and analyse and quantify. Always requiring proof, never being able to just be and watch and observe things and beings for what they are, not what they could be. This was all so unfamiliar to you, so strange, and you wondered if you were ever going to be able to see.

After a while, the novelty of you, your alien body and blood ceased to be news to people and you were able to now be in the village without as much attention drawn to you, although the eyes never stopped completely. Not when you were always surrounded by at least one Sully, more often than not the two Sully brothers, the heirs to the Omatikaya rule. There was chatter in the village, you knew, about whether you were ever going to make it as one of the people, and how that would impact the future of the clan. Would they want yet another former Sky Walker as an integral part of their life, as their Tsahik, perhaps?

The whispers of the people bothered you, but not enough to do anything about it. You knew they were baseless and premature, and had no intention of entertaining them. Lo’ak was your best friend, your brother that you loved and you knew loved you, and whatever other feelings he might have, you knew were just a side effect of hormonal growing pains. Lo’ak would outgrow you in time, and you were there to support him whenever he found a love worth harbouring. Neteyam, on the other hand, was a completely different story. The resentment you felt has never diminished in time, although the ice did melt a little after your fateful first day together. You made no efforts to engage with him outside of practice and he reciprocated the effort (or lack thereof) with the same enthusiasm. He was gone most evenings while you had dinner with his family, and would only come back soon before you made your way to your tent. You didn’t hate each other, but that was about the extent of your relationship. The intensity and heat you felt every time he touched you or looked at you in a certain way has also never diminished in time, but you knew yourself and your body enough to be able to resist him, at least until nighttime, when you were a human again and had a bed to yourself.

You spent your nights mostly by yourself in the lab, determined to not fall behind on your lab work. You found having to have two completely different approaches to life very difficult, but in time, it was like you became two different people. You don’t think they’d like each other very much. Your life was split in two, and the bodies you inhabited made it easier on you to differentiate between the two halves. Your human body was weak, progressively weaker as time went on and you forsook the time to exercise it. In it, you were weak, plagued by all your insecurities and fears and nightmares, all of which came out at night. Your Avatar body was strong, progressively stronger with every day you spent running and training in the forest. In it, you were strong. A warrior, proud and determined and eager to learn. You laughed, and danced, and made conversation and learnt how to craft your own necklaces with Kiri whenever training with Neteyam got too much. You took Lo’ak by the hands and dragged him through the forest, laughing and swinging through trees. You took to Mo’at and tried to learn the healing ways of the Tsahik, as opposed to your mother’s medical training. Life was heaven in one body and hell in the other, and you couldn't tell which one haunted you more.

“Again.” Neteyam spoke over the voices of kids practising their target practice next to them. He had to admit to himself he was impressed with your progress. He knew he shouldn’t be, you were the most impressive and stubborn person he had ever met. He used to watch you patch and suture the Avatars in the lab when you were 13. They said your stitches were the best amongst the remaining humans. He watched you go from a child to a woman who seemed to know everything there was to know about everything. He didn’t know why he didn’t realise before this was going to be the same. You were irksome.

You shot another bullseye and turned around to face him, smiling cockily and did a curtsy, he thought it was called. He rolled his eyes, but smiled at your satisfaction.

“You can keep me here all day, I’ll just keep doing it, if not for anything else, just to spite you.”

“Fine, we’re done. You are dismissed.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, in that way you always did, that way that drove him fucking crazy. Being next to you every day was driving him crazy. He didn’t know what hell he must have inflicted on a past life to warrant this. Always watching you, and knowing that stolen glances will always have to be enough.

You started making your way back towards the village, and he followed you. It was such a stark contrast to your first day in this body. You looked confident, and happy. He wondered if it was real, if it was possible that it was indeed that easy, and being here, outside with them was enough to wash your nightmares away, to heal you. He felt a flicker of hope raising in his chest. Stop, Neteyam. What the fuck are you doing?

The village was quiet at this time of day, most people gone on hunts or rides or training. Neteyam heard his dad’s voice booming in the family tent and knew Lo’ak was in deep shit again. He sighed. Baby brother, why do you always have to make things so hard?

“Dammit, Lo’ak, we went through this for a month. A whole ass month. What is this called?”

When you and Neteyam entered the tent, you found the two Sullys sitting on the ground, with the patriarch towering over Lo’ak with a gun in his hand.

“I don’t know, sir.”

“I don’t want to hear that. Do you fucking understand what we’re doing here? Do you understand the humans could be back any fucking day now? War is coming, do you understand this, boy? And you will straighten up, Lo’ak, or I swear to God you will not be allowed to ride an Ikran again for the rest of your life.”

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”

Neteyam felt you wince at his dad’s words, and he knew you felt bad for his brother. He did so, too. But also understood that his dad is only trying to make sure they are ready for the time they will inevitably have to go to war. He can’t imagine the pressure on his shoulders at training his own kids to be prepared to avoid their own death and bring death upon others.

“Now, we went through this multiple times. What is this gun?”

He felt the silence bearing down on him, and then heard your voice raise above it.

“It’s a M69-AR, sir. It’s a machine-gun.”

All eyes in the room snapped shocked to you. You shifted uncomfortably in place, but your gaze did not falter from where you were looking at Jake.

“How do you know that?”

You looked down at the ground, and hesitated before speaking again.

“I have trained with guns I have found over time for a few years, sir. My dad and the other soldiers in the unit left manuals, training videos, ammo in the lockers. I have found it and learnt about it. I never expected to get an Avatar, but I did not want to be defenceless.”

Neteyam saw his dad and realised he can’t tell what he was thinking at the moment. A mixture of fear, confusion and awe was what he was able to spot.

“Alright… what’s the caliber of this gun, kid?”

“.50 caliber BAT.”

“Ok, walk me through the gun’s characteristics.”

You didn’t flinch under the scrutiny of his gaze.

Lo’ak’s face dropped, and although he had better control over his emotions, Neteyam realised he was also staring at her with a similar expression plastered on his face.

“Did you ever shoot it?”

“No, I haven’t. I only shoot a standard 8mm handgun, in the woods next to the lab whenever everyone’s preoccupied or out. But I know how to clean it, field-strip it and load it.”

“So nobody knows you’ve been training on guns for years?”

“No, Sir.”

“I can’t describe to you how stupid and dangerous this was. I didn’t think you of all people were prone to life-threatening idiocy.”

You felt your gaze harden under his scrutiny and the familiar feel of anger bubbling in your stomach.

“I’m not a little girl anymore. I will not stand and watch as the humans come back and ruin everything my mother’s fought for and I will not apologise for it.”

You saw Jake stand up, straighten his back and for the first time in your life, you feared the man sitting in front of you.

“Don’t you dare bring your mother into this. Your mother wouldn’t have wanted you to put your life in danger carelessly, getting involved in things you know nothing about. She asked me to take care of you, to teach you. All you had to do was fucking ask. All you had to do is come out of that damn lab and allow us to be part of your life, the way we have wanted to be for years.”

You felt tears pricking at your eyes and without another word, you turned on your heels and left.

You entered your tent and closed the flap shut as well as you could, half-considering using one of the suture kits that now resided in it to sew it together so no one can open it. You fell on your sleeping mat with a huff, and took hold of one of the books you have brought to your tent in the couple months you have been here. Your gaze stopped on one of your favourite poems, and repeated the lines to yourself, like a litany needing to be uttered.

“I didn’t want any flowers, I only wanted

To lie with my hands turned up and be utterly empty.

How free it is, you have no idea how free——

The peacefulness is so big it dazes you,

And it asks nothing, a name tag, a few trinkets.

It is what the dead close on, finally; I imagine them

Shutting their mouths on it, like a Communion tablet.”

You stared at the page for a long time, and let your mind wander. Why would he talk to you this way?

Because he cares about you.

You thought he would be happy, proud of you for being strong, being independent and self-sufficient. You took care of yourself, you would be able to take care of others, of the people you loved.

But maybe he doesn’t think you should have to do this by yourself.

Why should you be ashamed of that? Ho doesn’t understand you, never tried to see things from your perspective.

Maybe cause you never allowed him to know you enough to be able to understand.

He’s not your dad. He has no right to talk to you this way.

He wanted to be your dad, you just always kept him at arm’s length. You’ve always kept everyone at arms length.

You wanted to slap the version of yourself talking back to you. You really are such an annoying person, sometimes. And you hate that you make sense when you didn’t want to make sense. You wanted to be mad and tell him to keep his bossing around to his own children and leave you be, but you couldn’t. Not when the annoying you was right - Jake has tried to be your dad for a long time and you just couldn’t bring yourself to allow that kind of love in your life anymore, not after knowing what it’s like to lose it.

A scream coming from the village pulled you out of your train of thought, and you made your way outside in a hurry.

“Help! Help!!”

You recognised the voice; Ewoaì, one of the most talented hunters of the village, was running holding a motionless body in his arms. His young brother, you noted.

“He can’t breathe, he stopped breathing. Please, someone help! Where is the Tsahik?”

Jake and the Sully boys emerged from inside their tent with a concerned look on all their faces. Neteyam spoke. “The Tsahik and tsakarem are away, at the Tree of Souls. They will not make it back in time.”

Fuck, you thought.

“Bring him here, NOW.” You spoke over the commotion. All the people who had gathered to see what was happening turned their gazes to you. Ewoaì ran to you. “Place him on the ground.”

“Lo’ak.” You looked at the young boy, trying to assess the situation the best you could. You heard Lo’ak make his way towards you.

“In my tent, there is gauze and disinfectant, it has the name 2% chlorhexidine isopropanol, find it and bring it. There should also be a yellow injection that says EPIPEN on it. Bring a syringe as well, no needle. Hurry.”

You turned your attention to the man holding his younger brother in his arms. “Remove his necklace, now.”

You started to check for signs of what was causing his asphyxiation. You opened his mouth and looked inside the best you could for food, or anything else that could be blocking his airways. You didn’t see anything. He didn’t seem to be having an anaphylactic shock; no rash and his heartbeat seemed strong. You were going to have to figure out the cause at a later time, but for now, your best bet, his best bet, was a tracheotomy.

Lo’ak scrambled out of your tent, almost dropping some of the things on the way. He put them next to you in a hurry.

You removed your hands from the boy’s body and moved quickly to apply some of the antiseptic on the gauze and wipe his throat with it. You got up, removed your knife from the holder on your chest, and made your way towards the nearest fire. You placed the blade over the fire and hoped that would do enough to sterilise it. For good measure, you also wiped it with the solution currently still on the gauze.

You made your way back to the boy and lifted your gaze to his brother.

“This is going to hurt. I don’t have the tools to put him to sleep. I need you to hold him tightly by the arms. I need you to be strong for him. Strong heart. Neteyam, hold his feet. Don’t let go.”

You took your knife with one hand, whilst your other hand, tried to find the cricothyroid membrane, hoping it would be in a similar location to a human’s. Pushing the knife against his throat, you applied pressure and made a cut. The boy tried his best to recoil, but the men did a better job at keeping him down than you thought they would. You took the knife and placed it on the ground, then took the syringe Lo’ak gave you and hollowed it out. Carefully, you placed it inside the hole you made. You lowered your body and placed your mouth on the syringe. Sucking on it, you were relieved to feel air coming out, and you started breathing into the tube until you felt the boy starting to breathe again on his own. You removed yourself from his proximity and monitored until you were sure his breathing was stabilised.

You let out a huge sigh of relief. You finally felt like you could look Ewoaì in the eye. “He’ll be fine.”

His brother let out a shaky breath and extended his hand in front of you. Smiling softly, you took it in your own and felt his grip tighten at the contact.

“Thank you. You saved his life. Thank you.”

“You can take him home. I’ll come by later and check on him, and if he’s breathing right, I’ll take it out.”

You rose from the ground and tried to get your laboured breath to slow down. You did it. Tears started pooling in your eyes and you realise your hands were shaking when you went to wipe the them before they fell. Your attention turned to the Sully men waiting by your side. They all looked like they were -

-in awe. Neteyam was in awe. You were breathtaking. He heard this English word, angel, from his dad, a long time ago, and when he asked what it meant, his dad told him it was someone pure and good, who helps others and brings comfort in times of hurt…someone whose light can illuminate the darkest times. He didn’t know what that meant until he met you. You were an angel. There was so much hurt and darkness in you, but somehow you managed to spread light everywhere you went. No matter how hard life got, you never lost the desire to do good, to be good, and Neteyam didn’t think he could love you any more than he did right at that second.

You gave him a quick look and he could see the fear in your eyes and the unshed tears, and the trembling hands. You were scared. Before he could move a muscle, Lo’ak took you and encircled his arms around you in a bear hug. You stood there in shock for a second while it registered, then slowly brought your hands up to his back to reciprocate the hug. You closed your eyes and nuzzled your head in his neck, and Neteyam moved his gaze to his feet, feeling the now all-too-familiar darkness of jealousy spread through him like poisonous gas.

Eventually, Lo’ak let you go, and you moved closer to Jake. You were trying to meet his eyes, but he could tell you were scared… or ashamed. He saw you take a big breath and swallow audibly.

“Jake, I am…”

“I know, Kid.” Neteyam was surprised to see his dad’s gaze, so angry and unflinching just 30 minutes ago, soften when his eyes looked at you. It was his turn now to hug you.

“You did good, kid.”

You let out a soft cry and he saw the tears fall freely from your face. You smiled, and for the first time since you were back in his life, saw that you looked actually content.

“Come.” Jake released you from the hug and made his way towards his tent. You followed suit and saw him picking up a gun from the floor and pointing at another. It was a standard assault rifle and you kneeled down next to it.

“Put it back together.” You did as you were told, skilfully putting each component of the weapon in its place. Before you moved on, you made sure everything was in order, and then you picked the appropriate 6.2x35mm 80-round magazine from the mix that was on the floor. You attached the magazine and took two more of them and placed them on your person.

“Good. Let’s go.”

You and the three Sullys walked steadily for a while. Lo’ak and Jake went ahead while you and Neteyam stood back. He was close to you, too close, and you felt his right hand almost brushing yours. You looked up at him, and saw he was already watching you. His expression instantly sent shivers down your spine - it reminded you of how he used to look at you before. It was intense and soft and loving. You saw his eyes dropping to your lips, which parted in response and felt so exposed, so vulnerable… so fucking mad. He did not get to do this. He did not get to give up on you are like were a bad drug and then come back and give you this look.

You expression hardened and you removed your eyes from his and stared at Jake’s back, which was all of a sudden a lot more interesting than it had been 5 seconds ago. You crossed your arms over your chest and walked in silence the rest of the way.

You reached the spot soon after, and you noticed it was a similar training area, like the archery one, but this one had targets made of shrubbery that resembled a person, which had remnants of bullet holes in them. I see…

“Ok, kid, let’s see what you can do. Shoot the target in front of you, head and chest.”

You took a big gulp and positioned your body. This was a lot of pressure, with the eyes of Toruk Makto and his heirs staring right at you. You took one last look at the weapon, then loaded it. You aim, then shoot. The gun surprises you a little, as you find the recoil a lot stronger than the handgun you usually practice on and the fire rate unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. Still, you adjust fairly quickly, then try again. Within 3 tries, you were able to hit the target exactly where Jake asked you to, and as to not waste any more ammo, you stop.

Lo’ak is ululating and clapping, so happy for you, even though he was probably going to get in trouble for not being a better shooter than a girl who spent her whole life in a lab. He didn’t care. He loved seeing you do well, seeing you adapt. He couldn’t wait for the day you two would go on Ikran rides together and he could show you all the beauty of this world, the way you deserved.

“I see. Neteyam, from now on, I want you both at gun practice and lessons, do you copy? She can learn everything else in the spare time, but I want her there. She’s way too good to waste on Pa’li training.”

“Yes, sir.”

In the evening, you went by Ewoaì’s tent and checked on his younger brother. His airways were clear again so you were able to remove the syringe and stitch up the tracheotomy incision you performed earlier. You sat with them whilst inspecting the child’s condition. He wasn’t well. He had a fever and intermittent shortness-of-breath. His abdomen was in pain and he had a laceration forming on one of his calves. You made a note to bring some more supplies from the lab, and with that, took your leave.

Dinner was pleasant, you ate with the Sullys in their tent, as you do most nights these days, and enjoyed the conversation that did not include you. It was nice to just be around their family and experiencing their tight-knit unit up close. There was laughter, and bickering, and animated discussions about what went on and what’s to come. Jake told Neytiri, Moat, Kiri and Tuk about Ewoaì and his brother, about the guns and the target practice, and they all looked at you with admiration. You blushed and thanked them, deciding the floor was particularly interesting tonight.

“I think Y/N should sing for us! I haven’t heard her beautiful voice in such a long time!” Said Neytiri, smiling fondly

“Oh, I don’t have my guitar!”

You saw Neteyam’s eyes go wide, a rare sight for a man who prides himself on his composure. He stood up from his place around the fire pit, and went to a part of the tent that had a hidden nook in it; you’ve never seen what was there, but assumed there lay the family trinkets, Jake’s guns, clothes, etc. Neteyam came out from behind it holding… a guitar, you realised in shock. A big guitar, that would fit your new hands perfectly. Too stunned to speak, you just looked at him with your mouth agape, and he laughed at your expression.

“This was supposed to go slightly differently, but alas, it’s as good a time as any to give this to you.”

“It was supposed to be done for your birthday, but it took me a lot longer than I thought carving the wood.”

Your eyes flickered between him and the guitar, and then turned to look at Kiri, who had a big smile and waited expectantly for your response.

“…you made this?”

“Well, me and Norm.” He looked almost bashful, and he reminded you so much of young Neteyam that your heart ached and you hoped you could prolong this moment forever.

“He helped me with the design and the metal work, I had to hunt a few good animals to get the gut for the strings, but I think it turned out alright! He tried it and tuned it and it seemed to sound good, but I guess we’ll see when you play it.”

You were still unsure what to say, unsure how to speak or form words or thoughts.

“Neteyam, I don’t know what to say…”

“Say you’ll accept it? And that you’ll forgive me for what I said on your birthday? I really am a kurkung (asshole) sometimes, and I am sorry.”

You nodded almost imperceptibly. His face broke out into a smile, a stupidly handsome smile that stopped your world and shifted it on its axis and you knew, you knew he was doing it, the impossible, he was getting you to forgive him, to forget the hurt and pain he put you through. And you hated yourself for being weak, but you also just allowed yourself a second, just a second to remember what it was like to have him in your life, have him radiate his warmth like he was the sun your soul orbited around.

“Will you sing now?” asked Tuk innocently, and you had to concede.

You toiled for a while with ideas of what song to pick. There was only one that came to mind in this exact moment, thinking of the man you still loved so much, loved as much as you did when you were 10 and he brought you the bracelet, at 13 when he took you on your very own magic carpet ride, at 16 when he held you while you cried in his arms after your dad, and every day in between, the man you needed like air, like that damn oxygen pack you hated, whose touch made you come alive and set your mind ablaze.

You picked up the guitar and tuned the chords, slowly caressing them to get the sound just right. It was perfect, much better than the guitar you had at home. It was perfect. You started strumming a familiar song, that you never sang to them, to him, before, that you sang to yourself in that year apart and you wanted him to hear it, wanted him to know.

I have this dream you're doing cool shit

Having adventures on your own

You meet some woman on the internet and take her home

We never painted by the numbers, baby

But we were making it count

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

You looked at him, and sang to him. He looked sad, like it was hurting him to watch you, hear you again. You used to play just for him all the time, singing feelings you never had the guts to say out loud, and here you were again, confessing something probably better left unsaid.

We were something, don't you think so?

Rosé flowing with your chosen family

And it would've been sweet

If it could've been me

In my defence, I have none

For digging up the grave another time

But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one

You finished the song and heard clapping from all around you and knew you had to acknowledge the others eventually. With a last look at Neteyam, you turned around and smiled and did a little hand curtsy as a joke.

It was a good night.

You made your way to your tent quite late that night and you saw Lo’ak waving at you until you entered, placing your new guitar slowly on the ground. You lay down and tried your very best to fall asleep, which you felt was impossible, considering you were still reeling after the day you had. Eventually, sleep came, and you woke up back in the linkpod, with Norm’s face coming into focus slowly.

“Hey, Ace. How was your day?”

“Eventful, to say the least. One of the kids in the village needed an emergency tracheotomy. Thank God I had some supplies in the tent, which reminds me - I need to prepare more that I will come to pick up tomorrow, or you can drop to my tent if you make your way to the village.”

“Jesus. What the hell happened?”

“I think it’s this damn virus, Norm. I monitored the kid for an hour in the evening, his airways cleared, but he still had shortness of breath, a fever, gastrointestinal symptoms, and this weird laceration on his calf. His brother’s not sick, so the virus is not transmitted through air - at least I hope not, considering I shared the air in the tent with the guy for a while.”

“Fuck. I will go check on him tomorrow and maybe take some blood. You can run some tests if you want to and have the time.”

“I have some blood from someone else with similar symptoms. I will run the tests tonight, can’t really sleep anyway.”

“Ok, be careful, alright? This is not a joking matter, especially to us.”

“Aye aye, Captain.”

You changed in some clothes better suited for a night working in the lab, put on your goggles, lab coat and gloves, and got to work. You were half paying attention to prepping the laminar flow hood and half thinking of the crazy day you had, thinking of Neteyam and his smile and his apology and ugh, you hated him.

In a second, everything changed. That’s all it took, a second for your whole life to completely turn upside down, yet again. It always only took a second. A second for your mum to take her last breath, a second for you to fall off an Ikran, a second to step on your dad’s remains, a second to lose the love of your life, a second to watch the vial drop and shatter all over the floor, splattering blood all over your body and on your face, in your open mouth that screamed in shock at the instant loss of a future.

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi

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tobesolonely · 4 years ago

Text

kindergarten teachers

summary: teacher!harry and coworker y/n have a hard time coming to terms with their feelings for each other

a/n: ahhh she’s finally done! i’ve been working on this fic for sooo long and i hope u all like it! big thanks to @queencharry for helping me when i got stuck and beta reading, and @behindthatbabyface for beta reading as well and giving me feedback!! i appreciate u both <3 enjoy ~11.3k words of some mutual pining and teacher!h interacting with lil kindergarteners 🥺also i am sorry if theres any major grammar mistakes (as always) or crazy typos, i always miss some things when i go back and proofread that im sure i’ll catch later! thank u

warnings: smut, mentions of alcohol

talk to me about harry and y/n! let me know your thoughts!!

my ko-fi! thank you :)

From the time you were very young, you knew you wanted to be a teacher. One of your earliest childhood memories was going to school dressed up as one for career day. Your usually untamed hair was pulled back into a sleek bun (courtesy of your mother), and you donned a funky baby-pink sweater. For bottoms, you wore the closest thing to a pencil skirt you had in your five-year-old wardrobe. When you look back on the photographs your mother took of you that day, you did not resemble a teacher in any way. You were sure if you had not done your Career Day presentation in front of the whole class, no one would have even known who you were dressed up as.

Once you moved onto college and declared Education as a major, that was when people really started to let you hear their opinions on the career path you wanted to pursue. It seemed like whenever you went home for a holiday, relatives were always in your ear saying, “You know teachers don’t make a lot of money, right? Have you ever considered something in the sciences?”. You always responded, “I know, but what would the world do without teachers?”.

Eventually, you finished your undergraduate career, successfully completed student teaching with the highest praise from your superiors and colleagues, obtained your teaching credentials, and even went back to school to get your Master’s degree. So, it was much to everyone’s surprise when you settled on being a Kindergarten teacher. People assumed that because you completed so much schooling, you wanted to be a university professor. However, the thought never even crossed your mind. You always thought Kindergarten teachers were the most impressionable people out there and knew you wanted to be one.

To you, there was no greater responsibility than that of a Kindergarten teacher. It was your responsibility to teach your students reading, writing, art, and music at the most basic level. You showed them how to play with others, how to be kind, and give them the tools necessary to succeed once they leave your classroom. You were the first teacher your students ever had, so you needed to make them fall in love with school instead of hate it, considering they’d have to stick to it until they were at least eighteen.

You’ve been a credentialed Kindergarten teacher for the last three years, and you’ve loved every moment of it. You were one of the younger teachers at school, but you never felt left out. Your colleagues were amazing people who often shared tips and tricks they wish they knew when they first started teaching.

Now, you were groggily unlocking the door to your classroom, feeling those first-day-of-school jitters you always felt. You knew kindergarteners weren’t there to harshly critique you. Still, you wanted them to go home and tell their parents about how excited they were to have you as a teacher, not run home in tears. That never happened, of course, but you didn’t want to take any chances. You drop your keys and mutter a quiet, “Shit!” setting your travel mug filled with coffee on the ground and readjust the box of donuts you had for your kids on your hip. As you reach for your keys, you hear a deep voice ask if you need help. You quickly turn around, eyes wide from being startled.

“Oh! You scared me,” you place your free hand over your chest. “But yeah, actually, that’d be great. I’m struggling to get my door open.” The man nods, his own keys he wore around his neck jangling as he retrieves first your keys, then your coffee mug.

“I’m Harry– Mr. Styles, if you want,” he holds your keys out for you to take, your coffee mug still in his large hands. “Uh, I’m the new Kindergarten teacher.” You give him a confused look and trade the box of donuts in your arms for your keys, opening the door. “The last one, Mrs. Brown, I think it was, I guess she decided a few weeks back that she wanted to retire.” You get your door open and walk inside your classroom, turning on the lights. It was a little stuffy, considering you hadn’t been there to open any windows in about a month.

“Oh, that’s right! Welcome,” you give him a warm smile. “I’m Y/N– Miss Y/L/N if you want.” A slight blush appears on his cheeks. “We’re gonna be working together then, it seems. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Mrs. Brown, but it’ll be nice to collaborate with someone closer to my age, you know?” Harry nods, and you realize he still had your coffee mug and box of donuts in his hands. “You can just set that on my desk, thanks for helping out. Would you like a donut?”

“Um, I- it’s okay,” he stammers, setting the items down. “Sorry, it’s just that I’ll probably crash if I have a donut first thing in the mornin’.” You smile at him and move to open all your windows and the back door, wanting the stuffy classroom to air out a bit before the children got here.

“I totally get that,” you giggle, walking back over to your desk. “Are you excited about the first day? I always get a little nervous. I also talk a lot when I’m nervous, I’m sure you caught onto that.”

For the first time that morning, Harry laughs. “Yeah, I’m nervous, too. ’ve never taught in the States before, so this is a bit new to me.” He’s playing with the keys hanging from his lanyard.

“I noticed you had an accent, but I didn’t know if it was weird to ask about it. What brings you to California?” You open the box of donuts and take one out, wanting to eat it before it gets cold, and the glaze hardens.

“Uh, I went to University here, but when I graduated, I decided to go back home and teach for a couple of years. I really missed being here though and wanted to come back, so I got my credentials, and uh, here I am,” he tells you with a grin, and you notice he has deep dimples.

“Well, we’re glad you’re here,” you tell him earnestly. “The kids are just gonna love your accent, too!” you joke and Harry laughs for the second time that day.

“If all else fails, ’m hopin’ to charm everyone over with my accent,” he stares at you for a moment before speaking again. “Well, I better finish getting situated. It’s fifteen til, and I reckon the children will be arriving soon, yeah?” He asks. You nod.

“Best to be waiting at parent drop-off too, there are always a few parents that are just as nervous as their babies, if not more, and could use a quick pep talk.”

“Thanks for lettin’ me know. I was thinking about standing out there anyway, just to make a good first impression.” You take another bite of your donut, giving him a thumbs up.

“You’ve got this, Harry. I know you’re not completely clueless since you’ve taught before, but I know the first day can be a little intimidating. You know where I am if you need anything.” He gives you a grateful smile, quietly thanking you before turning to walk out the door. You’re left thinking about your new coworker, only being pulled from your thoughts of him when the first bell rings.

“Good morning everyone, my name is Miss Y/L/N. Are you all excited to get this school year started?” A chorus of high-pitched yeses fills the room, and you smile warmly at your class. “I’m so excited that you’re all here! I have a little surprise for each of you!” You grab the box of donuts and walk back to the rug in the center of the room that the children usually sat on for storytime. Little gasps fill your ears, and they all say, “Donuts!” and “Yummy!”. You smile at the kids again, already feeling overwhelmed with how adorable they were.

“We all get a donut?” one little girl asks, her eyes wide. You nod at her.

“Of course! Everyone will get a donut, sweetie.” You move to get the plastic food gloves you kept so you can safely hand out a donut to everyone. “Okay guys, I’m going to pass a stack of napkins around the room. Take one and pass the stack to the person sitting next to you. Does that make sense?” All the students nod their heads in confirmation, so you grab a stack and hand them to the child sitting closest to you. “Once the last person has their napkin, let me know, and then it’ll be donut time!” You say this over-enthusiastically, and the children squirm in their seats in excitement.

As you go around handing out donuts to each of your students, you learn their names and ask them to tell you one fun fact about them. Most children say things like, “I have a brother/sister!” or “I can run really fast!”, and you find it absolutely adorable. One thing you loved the most about teaching five-year-olds was their ability to think everything was cool. It was comforting to know that no matter what you did, they’d find you cool, and your first-day jitters quickly dissipated. As the children eat their donuts, you read them a story, putting on different voices for all the various characters. You show them how to raise their hand when they have something they’d like to share and remind them to use their “listening ears” when you or one of their classmates are speaking.

When it’s time for recess, you show them how to line up quietly at the door, and assign a line leader and a hall monitor. You remind the children that they will all get a turn at these tasks eventually because it’ll switch every week, and not to worry. As you’re walking down the hall backward (one of your teachers walks that you’d finally perfected), you hear Harry’s voice.

“Okay Room Ten, we’re gonna go out to the playground now, where you all will get to play every recess and lunch. That sounds like fun, doesn’t it?” He asks them, and you hear little voices chattering out to him in excitement. You can’t help but peek into his classroom as you walked by, as his door was open. He didn’t see you because he was busy organizing his class into a straight line, so you keep going. Your class, who, much to your surprise, was walking very quietly, got loud once they saw the Kindergarten play area had a slide and monkey bars.

“We get to play on this?” one of your students, Destiny, questions.

“Yup! This is a pretty cool play area, isn’t it?” They nod and stare at you, waiting for direction. “Oh, you can all go play and run around, get some of that energy out. When the bell rings, though, I want you to listen to the yard teachers because they’re gonna help get you all lined back up so we can go back inside. Deal?” The children give you nods and thumbs up, and you grin at them, telling them to have fun and be nice to one another. As you’re turning to go to the teacher’s lounge to refill your mug of coffee, you see Harry walking down the hallway with his class, and decide to wait for him. He gives his class the same spiel you gave yours and tells them to “Treat each other with kindness” before noticing you waiting for him.

“Hey,” he gives you a grin, looking far more relaxed than he did when you saw him earlier that morning. “How’s it going so far?”

“It’s great,” you reply, leading him in the direction of the teacher’s lounge. “They’re all adorable.”

“Yeah, don’t know what I was so nervous fo’. They’re great. Also, you’re right,” Harry has an amused look on his face. “The first thirty minutes of ’em bein’ there was just them askin’ me to say things because they think I sound funny.”

“I told you!” you exclaim, laughing at him. “A British accent is definitely not something we hear every day, not here at least.”

“I figured,” he replies, and silence falls between you. “Where are we going, by the way?”

You stop in front of a blue door and sift through the keys on your lanyard, finally finding the one you were looking for. “Teacher’s lounge. Have you had the chance to check it out yet?” He shakes his head, and you pull open the door after having unlocked it. “After you.” He shakes his head and steps back, signaling you go ahead of him. You quirk an eyebrow at him, and he gives you a defensive look.

“What? ‘M a gentleman. Ladies first,” he insists, holding the door open. You walk inside the room, trying to refrain from rolling your eyes. There aren’t many teachers in the lounge. You figure they all must be in their classrooms, trying to do some last-minute organization and lesson planning amidst the first day of school chaos. However, a few colleagues that you’re rather fond of are in the room, so you take it upon yourself to introduce them to Harry.

“Hello everyone, I hope you’re all having a relaxing morning!” They chuckle lightly at your sarcasm. “I’d like you all to meet Mr. Harry Styles. He’s the new Kindergarten teacher that took Mrs. Brown’s place.” A look of realization washes over all three teachers’ faces, and they warmly greet him. Harry goes around, shaking each of their hands, voice dripping with charm.

“Lovely to meet you all. Looking forward to collaborating,” he tells them quietly. They begin engaging in polite conversation, so you leave Harry’s side, walking over to the coffee station to get what you came for before recess was over. He joins you shortly after, grabbing a disposable cup. “They were a nice bunch.” He mutters, pouring the steaming coffee into his cup. You hum in agreement.

“Everyone here is nice. The lounge is usually much more crowded than this. Everyone else must be in their rooms,” you flick your wrist up to check the time. “We got some time to sit down and breathe for a bit if you’d like? Unless you wanted to get back to your room.”

“‘M in no rush, trust me,” he tells you, flashing you a small smile. “Let’s take a seat.” Harry walks over to an unoccupied couch and sits down slowly, taking care not to spill his coffee.

“You didn’t want a lid?” you question when you see him struggling. He shrugs.

“Not necessary. Jus’ some extra plastic,” you hum and look down at your lap. You were quickly learning that Harry was not a big talker, and he liked to get his point across in as few words as possible. Him being a Kindergarten teacher contradicted heavily with his rather bashful demeanor, but that just made him all the more endearing to you.

“Do you live nearby, or is your commute long?” you ask him after a few moments of silence. As soon as you ask the question, you internally cringe, feeling like it was too invasive. If Harry thought the question was weird, he doesn’t show it.

“I live in town. I actually walked here today, believe it or not,” he tells you with a chuckle. “Was such a beautiful morning that I figured I should.” Every time you think Harry can’t possibly get any more captivating, he does, and you find yourself biting back a smile.

“How long is your walk?” You cross your legs and then uncross them, a nervous habit that you had. Harry takes a sip of coffee, mulling your question over.

“I’d say it took me about twenty minutes. I was walkin’ at a pretty leisurely pace, though,” Harry shrugs. “How about you? Do you live nearby?”

“I also live in town, but I’m way too lazy to walk, so props to you,” you smile. “The best thing about living around here is seeing your kids out in public. It’s the cutest thing.” Harry smiles, not saying anything else. A silence falls over the two of you again but instead of feeling the need to fill it, you just sit beside him, drinking your coffee. Your mind wanders off to what you were going to do for the rest of the school day, if you had enough groceries in your apartment for dinner or if you should go grocery shopping after work, and if you remembered to pay your bills on time. The bell rings to signify the end of recess, and you jump slightly.

“Ready to go back?” Harry asks, standing up and walking back over to the coffee station. “Think’m gonna get a bit more.” You go to stand by the door, waiting for him to pour another cup of coffee. He quickly rejoins you, and the coffee sloshes a bit, some getting on his hand, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Hope those lil’ buggers got some of their energy out.”

“Right! Mine was even more hyper than they probably would’ve been ’cause I gave them those donuts this morning,” you laugh. “So, for my sake, I hope so too.” When you and Harry arrive back at the Kindergarten play area, your classes are already lined up quietly awaiting instruction, thanks to the yard teachers. You and Harry both thank them and move to stand in front of your kids.

“Miss Y/L/N,” one of your children calls out from the back of the line. “Can we get more donuts when we go back inside?” You see Harry smile out of the corner of your eye as he’s giving instruction to his class.

“There are no more donuts, you guys ate them all! I have something even cooler than donuts planned for us, though, okay? Now, remember what I told you all about walking quietly, right? Mr. Line Leader, how does your line look? Do you think we’re all set to go back inside?” The child you appointed line leader turns around to look at everyone, occasionally shushing some people. After a few moments, he turns back to you, giving you a thumbs up.

Harry moves to stand beside you, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Wanna eat lunch together and do some planning? I feel like it would be a good idea for us to be teachin’ the same things, more or less.” Your body feels warm all over, and you just look at him and nod, not trusting yourself to speak. Harry smiles and places a hand on your shoulder. At a normal volume, he says, “See you then, Miss Y/L/N.”

Upon entering Harry’s room, you’re immediately met with the scent of vanilla and the loud hum of the air conditioning. It was bright, adorably decorated, and surprisingly decluttered. It was the polar opposite of your room, and you found it very welcoming and comforting. “Nice set-up you’ve got going on in here,” you tell him. He jumps in his seat at his desk, not having heard you come in.

“Fucks sake,” he mumbles, face going red. “You scared me. Thanks, though. My sister helped me decorate, I don’t really have an eye for this type of stuff.” He rubs the back of his neck, sheepishly.

“Well, if you ever need any help decorating for back to school and your sister isn’t around, I’d be more than happy to help.” Harry smiles and suddenly gets up from his chair, offering it to you.

“Please, take my seat. I’ll just sit in one of the kids’ chairs,” he rolls it towards you, and you shake your head, about to object, but he interrupts you. “It’s okay, Y/N. Their chairs aren’t that bad.” You take the seat Harry was just in, mumbling a quiet thank you. He hums and pulls a tiny chair up beside you, legs scraping loudly across the floor. When he sits down in it, you can’t but burst out laughing.

“Harry, that chair is so tiny! Are you sure you don’t want me to sit there instead? You look so uncomfortable,” you tell him in between laughs. “This is your classroom, after all, I’m just a guest.” Harry shakes his head, cheeks flushed.

“It’s okay, Y/N, really. ‘M perfectly comfortable in this lil’ miniature chair,” he looks at the lunch bag you sat on his desk. “What’s for lunch?” You reach for your sack and unzip it, pulling out a pre-packaged salad from Trader Joe’s.

“I’m very lazy when it comes to packing my lunches,” you admit sheepishly, pulling out a fork. “How about you? Did you eat already?”

“Oh yeah, I had a green smoothie. Not a big lunch guy,” he replies calmly. “Wanna get started with planning? I think we only have about thirty minutes left.” He looks down at his watch to confirm the time. Harry opens his planner, and you see pages filled with his neat, blocky scrawl. He jumps right into talking about the ideas he had in mind, excitement filling his voice that you haven’t yet heard.

The passion and enthusiasm he has for teaching are evident through the way he tells you about the activities he has planned, new materials and teaching methods he wants to try implementing, and things he’s tried before that didn’t work out the way he wanted them to. He asks you for your advice and listens intently when you speak, jotting down notes.

You find yourself having to mentally remind yourself not to stare at him. He was a handsome man– there was no denying that. He had curly brown hair, soft and wild-looking, the most beautiful green eyes you’d ever seen, and arms covered in tattoos. You also noticed he had the tiniest cross on his left hand. You wanted to ask him about it, but you figured that was a conversation for another time.

“Y/N? Did you hear what I just said,” Harry asks, giving you a concerned look. “Are you alright? I think you just zoned out for a couple minutes or somethin’.” You nod quickly, feeling your palms growing sweaty.

“Oh yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about something I have to do later. What did you just say?” You play off how you were just wholly drooling over your new coworker, feeling scrutinized under his piercing gaze.

“Jus’ got an email from the principal. Said we have a faculty meetin’ after school at three. Wanna go together?” He asks. You know Harry’s asking you to accompany him primarily because you’re the only person he really knows so far. However, it still makes you feel warm and special. “He said we’re gonna go over some planning for the Fall Festival. What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s just the back-to-school festival. It’s adorable,” you explain. “It’s like a mini carnival that we have right here on the playground. Every year they have teachers host booths. It’s a great way to get to meet your kids’ parents and bond with the other faculty.” Harry nods, standing up from the tiny chair right as the bell signifying the end of lunch rings.

“That sounds lovely,” he chirps, smiling down at you. “We’re gonna have the best booth out of everyone Y/N, trust me.” He jokes, the corner of his eyes crinkling. This was the most Harry had talked since you met him that morning and you were enjoying witnessing him open up to you more and more with each conversation shared.

“It is,” you stand up as well, gathering your trash and empty lunch pail. “Thanks for having me, Harry. Next time we can meet in my room. I wouldn’t mind making this a daily thing.” As soon as the words came out of your mouth, you physically wince, figuring Harry had to think you were obsessed with him at this point. He looks down, the corners of his mouth upturned when he makes eye contact with you again.

“I’d like that, Y/N. I’ll actually start bringin’ a proper lunch, so you’re not the only one eating,” you smile. “I’ll meet you in your room after school?” You nod in confirmation, walking out the door in front of him.

“See ya later.”

“Did everyone have a good day today?” You ask your class, walking backward to the dismissal gate. You’re met with a chorus of cheerful sounding ‘yeses,’ and you place your hand over your heart in a dramatic fashion. “That makes me so happy, everyone! You’re all incredible little people, and I think we’re gonna have a fantastic year. What do you guys think?” The children chatter excitedly, glad to have made it through their first day of school and see their parents on the other side of the gate eagerly awaiting them, cell phones snapping pictures.

Harry’s already at the gate, waiting for the bell to ring so he can dismiss his class. He’s walking down the line asking each of the children if they see who they’re supposed to go home with, crouching down to their height so they can point them out to him. Some children in his class look a little upset because they don’t see their parents yet. Harry quickly consoles them, telling them they can all play a fun game together while they wait for their ‘Mummies and Daddies.’

You do the same with your kids, and by the time the bell rings and you finish dismissing the ones who saw someone there to pick them up, there was one child from your class who was still waiting and two from Harry’s. He walks over to you, one of their tiny hands in each of his. The boy looks unbothered, but the girl was beginning to cry.

“Hey, Ava, should we ask Miss Y/L/N and her friend if they want to play iSpy with us? The more, the merrier, isn’t that right?” He looks down at her, and she nods, looking down. You figure she’s one of his more shy students he was telling you about earlier.

“Hi, sweetie! I’m Miss Y/L/N, are you waiting for your mom or dad?” She nods, biting her lip. You turn and gesture to your one student who was waiting as well. “Well, so is she! Don’t worry, they’ll be here.”

“I’m Matthew,” the little boy holding Harry’s other hand informs you, shifting from foot to foot. You give him a big smile.

“Hello, Matthew! I love your Spiderman shirt; he’s just the coolest. Jade, do you want to introduce yourself to Mr. Styles, Ava, and Matthew? Remember when we learned about introductions today in class? When you got to introduce yourself to all your classmates?”

Jade nods, a big, toothy grin on her face. “Hi! My name is Jade, and I am five-years-old but my birthday is September 19th, so I’m actually almost six-years-old,” she tells them matter-of-factly. “It’s very nice to meet you!” She adds, remembering the script you gave them earlier. Harry looks down at her, an impressed look on his face.

“Well, it is very lovely to meet you too, Jade! Do we all know how to play iSpy?” Jade and Matthew shout in excitement, but Ava just grips tighter onto Harry’s hand. He looks down at her again. “Do y’ want Miss Y/L/N and I to show you how to play, Ava?” His voice is very quiet, slow, and soothing. She nods, letting go of his hand.

“Well Ava,” you say, looking around for something to start the game out with. “I would say, “I spy with my little eye something green. Then you, Mr. Styles, Matthew, and Jade, would have to look around and name out everything that’s green. If you name something and it’s not it, then I will tell you nope, and you can try again, but if you figure it out, then you’re the winner! Does that make sense?”

She nods, and you see a gleam of excitement in her eyes. “Can I go first?” She asks quietly. You tell her, yes, and she looks around quickly, trying to find something to say. “I spy with my little eye something blue!” She has a triumphant smile on her face, and even though you immediately know she’s talking about the sky and you’re sure Harry does too, you both decide to take a step back and let the children take the game into their own hands.

“Y’know, that lil’ introduction Jade gave was really somethin’. I didn’t even think about teachin’ my kids that. Think I’ll try that out tomorrow,” Harry whispers, craning his neck slightly to be at your ear. You shiver at the feeling of his warm breath against your skin.

“Yeah, I feel like that’s always a good first day of school activity for them to do. A lot of them have never really been exposed to people outside of their immediate family, so they’re not too sure how to talk to others.” Harry hums, standing back up straight.

“Mr. Styles,” Matthew calls, running over to Harry. “My mommy is here. Can I go now?” Harry nods, telling Matthew to wait for him so he can say hi to his mother. You watch as he walks away, overhearing as he tells the boy’s mother what a great job he did today and how he’s so excited to go through this school year with him in his class. Ten minutes later, Jade and Ava are gone as well, and Harry locks the dismissal gate.

“I forgot how exhausting the first day could be,” he tells you, letting out a quiet sigh. “Ready to go to that meeting, though? It’s just about three.” You check your watch and see the time read at 2:57 PM.

“Yeah, just let me grab my bag, and we can head over there. I’m really hoping this won’t take too long; I was planning on going grocery shopping after this,” you walk down the hall towards your classroom and feel Harry’s gaze on you.

“Where do you like to go grocery shopping?” he asks after a few moments of silence. “I need to pick up some groceries this week, too. ’ve been eatin’ takeout for the past week, and I’m starting to feel like shit.” You laugh, unlocking your door. Harry stands outside, holding it open while you grab your purse and lunch bag.

“Honestly, I don’t have a preference. I switch it up a lot,” you shrug, making sure all the windows are closed before walking out. “Was there something, in particular, you were looking for?”

“Uh,” Harry scratches the back of his head. “No? Maybe you could text me a list of all your favorite stores, though. Jus’ so I won’t forget.”

You quirk an eyebrow at him, ignoring how fast your heart was beating. “Are you asking for my number, Mr. Styles?”

“I guess I am,” he replies nonchalantly. “We’re gonna be workin’ together a lot. Might as well have your number– if that’s okay, I mean.” He looks down at you.

“Yeah, remind me after the meeting,” you tell him, trying your hardest to play it cool. “Don’t let me forget.”

“Trust me, I won’t.”

“So Y/N and Harry, you two will be in charge of the pumpkin decorating booth? Is that right?” The principal looks down at his notes and then shifts his gaze between the both of you. You both nod.

“Yeah, I’m excited! I think it’ll be a lot of fun,” you reply excitedly. “We can go to the craft store and get a bunch of paints, but where do you think the best place to get the pumpkins would be?” You pull out your planner, ready to jot down any suggestions.

“You two could try going to a pumpkin patch? They’re starting to pop-up around town,” one teacher suggests. “I’m sure if you purchased a bunch and told them it was for a school event, we could get some kind of deal.” The rest of the faculty buzzes in agreement.

“Y/N and Harry, could you get to a pumpkin patch sometimes this week and see if they can give us an estimate of how much it would cost? Then I could let the PTA know.” You and Harry confirm that it will be possible to do sometime this week, and the meeting continues on.

By the time you’re finally free to leave the meeting, it’s already growing dark outside. Harry’s hands are shoved in his pockets, and he’s looking down at his feet. “So–”

“Do you want–”

You both stop, laughing awkwardly. “You go first.” you tighten the grip on your purse.

“Uh, I was jus’ gonna ask if I could get your number now. Yanno, so we can plan when we’re gonna go get all the stuff for our booth? And you still gotta tell me what your favorite grocery stores are,” he has a playful look in his eyes. For the thousandth time that day, your hands become clammy. There was just something about every interaction you had with him that made you so nervous.

“Oh yeah,” you answer coolly, digging in your purse for your phone. “Just text your number, so I have it.” You hand him his phone, and he stops dead in his tracks, a look of concentration on his face.

“I can’t walk and be on the phone at the same time,” he mutters when he looks back up and realizes you were watching him the whole time. “I don’t know how people do it.” He hands you back your phone. “What were y’ gonna ask me?”

“I was just um, I was gonna ask if you wanted me to give you a ride home? I mean, since you walked to work today and it’ll be dark soon,” talking to Harry made you feel like a nervous school girl interacting with her first crush, and you hated that feeling.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that–”

“It’s no bother, really,” you cut him off, and you realize you sound a little eager, but at that point, you didn’t even care. “I’m sure we don’t live too far from each other.” Harry looks slightly unsure but nods, and you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“If you’re sure, Y/N. I appreciate it, I owe you one,” he’s following behind you to the teacher parking lot. You silently pray your car isn’t messy inside like it usually is as you approach it. You decide to pick up your pace and walk ahead of him, telling yourself if the passenger side was messy, you’d just quickly throw everything in the back. “Heyyyy, why’re you walkin’ so fast? Are you sure you’ve got the time to take me home?” He takes a few big strides and quickly catches up with your hurried, tiny ones.

“Yeah, of course, I have time,” you respond, unlocking your car as you approach it. “If it’s messy, then just ignore it.” you preface, honestly not remembering the state in which you left your car this morning when you walked into work.

“Don’t worry about it. You should see mine,” Harry jokes, and it immediately puts you at ease. As you’re about to open your door, Harry quickly rushes to your side, opening it himself. “Let me.”

His hand rests over yours, and you quickly pull it away, your body heating up. “Harry, I’m already right here. I can open my own car door.”

“I know you can. But I’m a gentle—“

“You’re a gentleman, I know,” you playfully roll your eyes and take a step back, allowing Harry to open your car door all the way. You couldn’t lie and say you weren’t flattered and honestly a little bit turned on. He flashes you a smile as you situate yourself behind the wheel of the car and makes sure you’re all the way in before slamming it shut. You see him lightly jog around to the passenger side, and soon enough, he’s beside you, your car immediately starting to smell like his cologne.

“What music do you like to listen to?” Harry asks, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“You ask me a lot of random questions, Harry,” you reply, looking behind you as you slowly back out.

“Is it a crime to wanna get to know my new coworker?” you can hear a smile in his voice. “C’mon. What’s your favorite music to listen to?”

You shrug, looking both ways before exiting the parking lot. “Where do you live?”

“I don’t know my address yet. Just take a left at this light coming up. Favorite music?” Out of the corner of his eye, you see him scrolling through his music library.

“You don’t know your address yet?”

“No. I’ll play something random,” he says, tapping his hand on his knee. “You can take a right at that stop sign up there.” You put on your blinker and glance over your shoulder before switching lanes. Harry quickly pairs his phone with your Bluetooth, and a song you’re unfamiliar with blares through your speakers. Neither one of you says anything else, only speaking to each other when he’s giving you directions to his house, and you’re confirming what he said.

After two more songs, Harry says, “S’right up here.” He’s led you to a beautiful apartment complex— one you were looking at when you were moving out of your parent’s home but just couldn’t afford as a new graduate. You expertly parallel park and then turn the car off, a silence falling between the two of you.

“This is a nice complex,” you tell him after a moment. “Really close to school. I see why you opted to walk to work today.”

“Mhm,” he hums. His seatbelt is still fastened. “I understand if you’re busy, but did you wanna come in?” You raise an eyebrow at him, and he quickly backtracks. “I mean— it’s just— remember the activity you taught your kids today? About introductions? Jus’ wanted to know if you could walk me through it, that’s all.”

“Oh. Well yeah, I can hang out for a bit.” You unbuckle your seatbelt and reach in the backseat for your purse that you threw haphazardly over your shoulder earlier.

“Will your boyfriend be okay with you coming in, though?” He’s chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“What makes you think I have a boyfriend?” You’re slightly taken aback and oddly flattered that he thought you were in a relationship.

“I dunno,” his face grows red. “You got all weird when I opened doors for ya. Figured you had a boyfriend.”

“I don’t.”

“Cool.” More silence falls, this time an awkward one.

“Should we go inside now?” you unlock the doors, quickly getting out of the car. Harry follows behind you and waits for you to walk onto the sidewalk before going up the walkway.

“How close do you live to me?” Harry asks, punching in his gate code. He pulls the gate open and gestures for you to go ahead of him. You decide not to comment on it this time.

“A couple blocks away. I could probably walk over here if I was in the mood to,” Harry shuts the gate behind you and walks over to the first set of stairs, taking them two at a time. “I was interested in this complex when I was moving out of my parents’ but I settled on something else.” He hums, stopping in front of the first door at the top of the stairs. There’s a brown ‘Welcome!’ mat outside his door, along with a few potted plants.

“Here we are,” he looks over his shoulder as if he’s checking if you’re still there. “Excuse the boxes. ‘M not done unpacking yet.” He pushes open the door and steps in, quickly turning on the light. You’re met with the same sweet scent of vanilla that’s in his classroom. Considering he was in the process of unpacking, his apartment was reasonably tidy.

“It looks good in here,” your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest. You were in your coworker’s house that you just met that day, and you could already feel yourself developing a crush on him. There was obviously no way you’d let this relationship progress past anything strictly professional, but that didn’t mean you weren’t allowed to admire his beauty.

“Thanks,” he gives you a smile, relief washing over his face. “You can set your bag down if you want. Take a seat, make yourself at home.” He leaves the room, and you hear him rattling around in the kitchen. “Can I get you anything to drink? Wine? Coffee? Tea?”

“Coffee sounds great,” you reply. You set your purse down on his coffee table and sit on the edge of his couch, inspecting his living room closer. There were two books on the table, both flipped upside down as a way to mark his page. There were a few more plants inside, similar to the ones in front of his door. There was a framed picture of him with two beautiful women you assumed to be his mother and sister. Harry comes back into the room a few minutes later, two steaming cups of black coffee in hand.

“Here you are, Miss Y/L/N,” he puts on an exaggerated posh accent, and you giggle.

“Why thank you, Mr. Styles,” you respond in the same voice. “Do you have cream and sugar?”

He wrinkles his nose. “I think I might have sugar. Is oat milk, okay? I don’t have cream.” He goes back to his kitchen to retrieve the items before you can tell him it’s okay, and you’ll just drink it black. You thank him, pouring the tiniest splash of oat milk into your coffee. You can feel his eyes on you as you add a bit of sugar, stir, taste, and then add some more.

“So,” you begin after your coffee is made to your liking. “What did you think about your first day? You can be honest since we’re not on campus anymore.” Harry laughs, looking down at his fingernails.

“Uh,” he starts. You notice he says, ‘uh’ a lot. “It was terrific. Not so sure I would’ve felt the same way if I didn’t have you to help me through it.”

“We’re partners in crime now, Harry. We’re the two Kindergarten teachers, and you’re the only other person there my age? We’ve definitely gotta stick together,” you give him a big smile. He doesn’t smile back but looks a bit troubled instead. You wait for him to speak, coming to accept that long pauses were just a thing when having a conversation with Harry.

“Y’know how I assumed you had a boyfriend earlier? I thought after I’d said that–– rather I hoped after I said that you’d be like,” he clears his throat. “‘Why, no! I don’t have a boyfriend. Do you have a girlfriend?’” He put on the worst American accent you’d ever heard to imitate your voice, causing you to laugh. “To which I would’ve replied with a simple ‘no.’”

Now it’s your turn to leave Harry wondering what you’re thinking for the first time all day. You can feel his eyes on you as you look at his couch cushions, noticing a bit of crumbs that you hadn’t seen before. “Are you flirting with me?”

“I think you’re beautiful.”

“You don’t even know me. We just met today.”

“Does that mean I can’t think you’re beautiful?”

You bite your lip, feeling yourself starting to grow a bit turned on by his forwardness. There was a part of you that would risk it all for just one night in bed with Harry because you just found him that attractive. The rational, adult side of you was screaming, ‘Don’t mix business with pleasure!’. By now, you had both moved closer on the couch to one another, knees nearly touching. “I think you’re beautiful, too.” He grins, setting his coffee cup down. You do the same.

“Would it be crazy of me to tell you that I really wanna kiss you right now?” His face is mere inches from yours, so close that you could smell the coffee on his breath. You shake your head.

“No. I really wanna kiss you too.”

“C’ mere, then.”

Harry leans forward a bit more until his lips are ghosting over yours. You pull at the collar of his shirt, bringing his already close body even closer to yours. His lips are softer than they look, and he’s a better kisser than you thought he’d be, too. He brings his hands up to tangle them in your hair, and that’s when you abruptly pull away, not wanting things to go too far. “We shouldn’t…” He looks at you with sad eyes, but he nods, understanding what you mean.

“Probably not the best idea?” his response comes out as more of a question than a statement, but you nod in agreement anyway.

“Definitely not. I’m um–– I’m actually gonna go,” you stand up, slinging your purse over your shoulder. “Thanks for the coffee, Harry. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see––”

You’re out the door, rushing down the stairs before he can even finish his sentence.

The rest of the school week goes on without either one of you mentioning it. It’s a little awkward for a couple of days, but by the time Friday rolls around, both of you decide the best course of action to take regarding the kiss would be to act like it never happened.

You’re in your room at lunch hanging up your kids’ artwork they made during their ‘Free Time’ this morning, having declined Harry’s lunch invitation for the fourth time that week. You decided to pretend to be busy with work so you wouldn’t be too tempted to go into his room. To most people, you’re sure it looked like you were avoiding him–– and maybe you were. However, you were trying to get over this crush on him in the best way that you knew how.

“Need some help?”

You jump, nearly falling backward off the stepstool you were on. “Holy shit, Harry! You scared the hell out of me!” You feel your body getting warm, and you quickly look away, not wanting him to see how flustered you were.

“Sorry, you weren’t answering my texts, so I decided to come see what you were up to,” he walks over to where you were standing and hands you a piece of art, smiling at it before handing it to you. “You’ve got some artists in your class.”

“Mhm,” you hum, not looking him in the eyes. You hear him let out a quiet sigh.

“Still able to go see about getting those pumpkins ordered after work?”

You had completely forgotten that you and Harry decided today would be the day you’d go get the pumpkin situated figured out for your booth. For a second, you consider making an excuse to get out of it, but you decide against it. This was something that both of you were asked to do, not just him, and you didn’t want the fact that you let your attraction to him cloud your judgment getting in the way of your professional responsibilities.

“Yeah, that works.”

He doesn’t say anything, and even though you’re not looking at him, you can see the gears in his head turning. “Should we talk––”

You’re quite literally saved by the bell, the end of lunch interrupting where you knew he was about to lead the conversation. “I’ll see you after school? Did you walk here again? I can drive.” Harry nods slowly.

“Uh, yeah. he replies. “I walked. Uh, ’m gonna go get my kids. See you after school then?”

“Yup!” you respond, fake enthusiasm in your voice. Harry gives you one more look before walking out of your room. You wait until he’s all the way down the hall before following behind him to bring your class back inside. You knew you were the one making things awkward between you and Harry. However, the realistic part of you knew getting involved with your coworker was one of the worst ideas you’d ever had in your life. For now, you’d just tell yourself that you were probably more into Harry than he was into you and pray that would be enough to make you get over your crush.

“I haven’t been to a pumpkin patch since I was a kid.” Harry stuffs his hands farther into his pockets while yours are tightly hugging your chest. You hum, not saying anything. The car ride there was a little awkward, and you were glad it was so short. You could tell there was a lot Harry wanted to say, but you were glad he wasn’t saying it. You keep seeing him glance at you, but you pretend not to notice.

“What size pumpkins should we ask for? Small ones, huh?” Harry nods, looking around in childlike awe. There was a small petting zoo, booths selling warm drinks and kettle corn, and an obscene amount of children.

You walk around together for a moment before encountering a friendly-looking employee who looked like he could help you out. Harry takes over, explaining the situation, and why you need to order one hundred tiny pumpkins. While you’re waiting for the employee to ask the owner if that would even be possible, Harry turns to face you.

“Y/N? Can we talk about what happened on Monday?” you’re about to tell him that you’d rather not, but he continues. “I felt something during that kiss, Y/N. I’m not sure if you felt it too, but I don’t want things to be awkward between us. We have to get through an entire school year working side-by-side, and if you’re not interested, then I respect that one hundred percent, but I just want––”

“So the owner said that is possible!” The employee that was helping you out comes back with a form and clipboard in their hand. “Can you just fill out some information and let us know what time you need it tomorrow? The owner said he could get it delivered and give you guys a discount since you’re ordering so much.”

“That’s great!” you exclaim, taking the form from him. You were glad to have been saved from your conversation with Harry. You quickly go through and fill out everything you can, telling them they can bill your school’s PTA.

The walk back to your car is silent. You’re replaying what Harry was saying to you over in your head, thinking about what he was going to say before he was interrupted. He opens your car door like he’s been doing, but he doesn’t make eye contact with you or say a word as he slides into the passenger seat.

“Y’can just drop me off,” Harry says quietly. He leans your seat back and closes his eyes. You wait to see if he’ll connect his phone, but he doesn’t, so you turn on the radio at a volume so low it almost can’t be heard. It takes everything in you not to speed back to his place. You just wanted him out of your car. You had such strong feelings for him that it physically hurt, and restraining yourself from telling him how you really felt was growing harder and harder.

“We’re here.” your voice is a little hoarse from not saying anything. Harry slowly opens his eyes and unbuckles his seatbelt, opening the door.

“Right. Thanks for the ride. What time do we need to be at school to set up our booth by?”

“Four. I can pick you up if you want?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, Y/N.” He closes the door and walks up to his gate without looking back at you once.

“Hi Miss Y/L/N! Hi Mr. Styles!”

Groups of your students had been coming up to you excitedly all evening. It made you happy to see that the Kindergarten classes were no longer divided. They were starting to hang out with one another. Their parents tell you how their children thought it was just the coolest thing to be on school grounds on a Saturday, and how even though it was only a week into the school year, they were having the best time. It was comments like this that made you fall in love with your job all over again.

Things between you and Harry were going well. It wasn’t awkward, but you think it was because you were both too busy helping children paint their pumpkins. You were glad that Harry didn’t take the bit of downtime the two of you had when no one was at your booth trying to talk about the kiss and instead talked about other random things instead. You find out he loves baking (specifically, bread), he has an obsession with old music, and has about fifty tattoos. He talks to his mom on the phone every day, and he is extremely close to his sister. You tell him about your parents’, your undergraduate experience, your hobbies, and you finally tell him what music you like to listen to.

The festival quickly comes to an end, and you find yourself sad once you and Harry are done cleaning up your booth, knowing that you were just going to drop him off at his apartment and go back to yours to spend another Saturday night alone. You get to his complex almost too quickly, and you almost want to keep going and pretend you accidentally missed it just to be with him a bit longer. Instead, you park.

“D’ya wanna come inside?” He blurts out. Even in the darkness of your car, you can tell his face is flushed. “I mean if you haven’t got plans. I know it’s a Saturday night, so I understand if––”

“Nope, I don’t have plans. I’d love to.” Your hands are shaky as you unbuckle your seatbelt. He quickly gets out of your car and runs around to your side, opening the door for you before you can do it yourself. You almost don’t even notice since it was becoming such a habit.

“I picked up this new bottle of wine a couple days ago that’ve been wanting to pop open. Think we deserve a glass or two after such a long week, hmm?” You wordlessly nod, wholly mesmerized with just how good Harry looked after such a long day of work. His curls fell perfectly across his forehead, his eyes were sparkling and full of excitement.

“A glass of wine sounds great,” you reply with a chuckle. “I’m ready to drink a whole bottle by the end of the week if I’m being honest.” Harry laughs, quickly punching in his gate code. You could see his hands shaking a little bit, but you decide not to comment on it. He takes the stairs up to his apartment two at a time like he did last time you were there, but this time there’s an urgency and clumsiness to his actions that you haven’t seen before. He jams the key in his lock, quickly shoving the door open.

His apartment is a little messier than it was when you were in it at the beginning of the week, but it’s nothing disgusting. He runs his fingers through his curls, moving aside papers that were scattered along the length of the couch. “Sorry, I was doin’ some planning. Make yourself comfortable.” He disappears to the kitchen, and moments later, you hear the pop of a wine cork and the smooth sound of him pouring the alcohol into glasses.

He emerges from his kitchen, handing you a generously poured glass of wine. “Thanks, Harry,” you tell him before taking a big sip. It was sweet, and while you usually preferred a more dry wine, it was still delicious.

“Cheers to the end of a successful first week,” he holds up his glass, and you smile, clinking yours with his. “Thanks for helpin’ me get through it, Y/N. Couldn’t have done it without you.” You give him a timid smile.

“Stop, Harry. You’re a great teacher. I can see your kids love you already,” you take another sip of wine. “I kinda do too. I mean–– that came out wrong. I don’t love you, but I do think I like you.” You didn’t know what came over you at that moment, but something told you now was the time to lay it all out on the table with Harry. He sets his glass of wine down, the biggest smile on his face.

“Really? I thought you weren’t interested. Was kinda startin’ to feel like you hate me,” he sounds a little sad. You shake your head.

“Quite the opposite, actually. I’m really into you,” you didn’t even realize how you’d inched your way towards Harry. “I’ve been trying not to think about how we kissed because we shouldn’t, you know? We’re coworkers. I’ve been trying not to think about it all week, though, and I just can’t get you out of my mind.” He stares intensely into your eyes, chewing on the inside of his cheek like he usually does when he’s thinking.

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” he finally asks. You’re in the same position as you were last time, being mere inches away from the other’s lips. Only this time, you smell the wine on his breath, not coffee. You nod quickly, and Harry cups your face in his hands, hungrily pressing his lips against yours.

“You can do more than kiss me, actually,” you tell him breathlessly. “You can do whatever you want with me.”

Harry raises an eyebrow, a shocked look on his face. “When you say anything…” he trails off.

“I want you to fuck me, Harry,” you tell him bluntly. “Please. Been wanting that all week.” He licks his lips, looking at you in a way he hasn’t yet before.

“I can definitely do that,” he replies, resting his hand on your thigh. His large hand is dangerously close to your pussy, and you can already feel yourself growing wet. “Let’s get all these clothes off you then, huh?”

You stand up and quickly start removing your clothes. First, your blouse comes off, and that’s quickly followed by your bra. Harry’s leaning back on the couch, arms resting behind his head. “Enjoying the show?” you ask, quickly pulling down your jeans and underwear. You’re completely naked in front of him in thirty seconds flat, and you reckon that’s the fastest you’ve ever undressed for anything.

“Very much so,” he mumbles, palming himself over his khakis. “C’ mere, Y/N.” he pats his lap, and you move to sit in it, now straddling him. He softly presses his lips against yours, the hunger that was there just a moment ago completely dissipated. This was a much more hesitant kiss, more gentle and tender. “You’re really beautiful, Y/N.”

You giggle. “I know. You’ve told me that before.”

“I want you to know how much I mean it.”

“I know you do.”

Harry nods. “Can I have a taste of ya now?” you notice that his accent sounds a bit thicker than usual, voice a tad gruffer. You nod, swallowing thickly. Climbing off Harry, you lay back on the couch, situating yourself, so it’s a little more comfortable. He looks into your eyes, placing his hands on your knees. “Is this okay, Y/N?” You nod again, and he removes his hands.

“What’s wrong?” your voice has a hint of desperation in it, but after a week of extreme sexual tension, you wanted nothing more than to cum by the hands of this man.

“Wanna hear you tell me it’s okay. I don’t wanna do anything you don’t want,” he’s looking down at his hands.

“Harry, I wouldn’t have given you a striptease and laid back on this couch for you if I didn’t want it. I wholeheartedly give you permission to do whatever you want with me––”

That’s enough for him. He roughly pries your legs open, immediately licking a long stripe up your heat. You cry out, not expecting him to get right into it. You look down at him and groan when you see he’s making eye contact with you, a smug look on his face. “How’s tha’, love?” You nod, tangling your hands in his curls.

“Yeah Harry, please,” you moan. Harry sucks harshly at your clit, pulling off loudly, the sound echoing throughout his minimally furnished apartment.

“Please what, pet?” He’s looking you dead in the eyes, a devilish grin on his face while his index finger rubs small circles on your clit. Your chest is heaving up and down quickly as you try to calm your breathing down.

“Please make me cum on your tongue, Harry,” you try pushing his head back down to your cunt, but he doesn’t budge.

“Think I rather like hearin’ you beg like this fo’ me. Enjoyin’ watching you squirm like tha’, love.” Just as your about to beg for him some more to feed his inflated ego, he attaches his lips to your clit once more, this time adding his ring finger into your tight pussy. “You’re tight. Sure you’ll be able to take my cock?” His voice is muffled, and you just barely make out what he says.

You clench around his finger, and he laughs, the vibrations sending a new sensation across your clit. “Y’like thinkin’ about my cock, hmm?”

“Yeah, want you in me,” you beg, lifting your hips up. He grips onto your hips tightly, keeping you in place.

“Can feel yeh gettin’ ready for me, darlin’. Think you can take another one?” You nod, and Harry gently places kitten licks on your swollen clit while he slowly pushes his middle finger into you. You feel full in a way you haven’t felt in such a long time, and he only had two fingers in you. Once he pumps his fingers in and out of you a few times, he goes back to harshly sucking on his clit, moaning every so often so you can feel the vibrations against your cunt.

“Fuck,” you’re moaning loudly, and you pray Harry’s neighbors don’t hear you, knowing how thin apartment walls were.

“So fuckin’ wet for me, doll,” he mutters, adding another finger inside you. The burn feels amazing, and you place your hand on his wrist, urging him to go faster. “Gonna cum in my mouth, hmm? Gonna let me feel ya around m’ fingers?”

“Yes, please, Harry,” you feel yourself nearly there, your orgasm threatening to overtake you at any moment.

“Give it to me then, Y/N. Cum for me,” he demands. As soon as he says those three words, you’re done for, your body going tense as waves of pleasure roll throughout your body. He doesn’t remove his digits from the your cunt until you’re coming down from your high, placing a kiss to your clit. He laughs as you shudder at the overstimulation. Harry places his three fingers that were just inside of you and his mouth and sucks on them, not once breaking eye contact with you.

“That was really good,” you tell him, crawling on your knees towards him to place a kiss on the underside of his jaw—Harry’s beaming, a triumphant look on his face.

“Not yet. Gotta make y’ cum one more time. I’m a gentleman, after all.” You know he’s messing with you but also serious, so you lean back on the couch, opening your legs once again.

“Are you gonna take off your clothes too? Why am I the only one that’s naked?” Harry laughs, and you hear the clanking of his belt as he undoes it.

“You’re impatient, aren’t ya?” you nod, and he pulls down his tenting khakis and tight boxers. His cock springs up, slightly touching his stomach, and he hisses at the feeling. “Hold on a sec.” He gets up quickly, and you hear him hurry to what you assume in the bathroom, rummaging around. He comes back a minute later with a box of condoms, making you laugh.

“Is that a new box of condoms? Have you been holding onto those all week, Mr. Styles?” Harry rolls his eyes and opens the box, ripping open a condom expertly with his teeth.

“Weren’t you just the one beggin’ for me, pet? I’d watch it if I were you,” he jokes, rolling the condom onto his hard length. He leans down to place wet, opened mouth kisses to your breasts. “So beautiful.”

“Are you gonna take off your shirt?” you ask quietly. “I kinda wanna see all your tattoos.” Harry raises an eyebrow at you but unbuttons his shirt nevertheless, throwing it into the mess of clothes scattered around the living room. You reach your hand up, shakily tracing the swallows on his chest, moving down to the butterfly across his stomach and finally to the ferns on his abdomen. Harry’s staring down at you, watching as you delicately touch his skin. “You have so many.” you finally say. He nods.

“Yeah. Some of them I just got for the hell of it. Felt like after I got that first tattoo, it was hard to stop.” He caresses the skin on your thighs, and you shudder again. “Gonna let me get inside that pretty lil’ cunt now?”

“Please.”

Harry aligns himself with your entrance and slowly pushes into you, sharply inhaling as you clench around his length. “Relax, Y/N.’ve got ya,” he tells you reassuringly. “Can’t get inside ya if you’re all tense like tha’.” You can tell Harry’s trying his hardest not to absolutely wreck you, the vein in his forehead very prominent from clenching his jaw so tightly. You grip tightly onto his bicep, biting your lip as you adjust to his size. You were so wet and indescribably turned on that you felt every vein his thick cock had to offer, and you knew you wouldn’t last long once he started moving. By the looks of it, Harry wouldn’t either.

“You can move,” you tell him, squeezing your eyes shut. Harry slowly pulls out of you and then ever so gently sinks back inside you, bottoming out. He lets out a breathy moan, moving one of his hands up to tweak your nipples. “Harder, Harry, fuck.”

He immediately pulls out of you and slams back inside, the sounds of his balls slapping against your ass echoing in the room. You scream in pleasure, no longer caring if his neighbors hear what you two were doing.

“Like tha’?” He asks cheekily, working up a steady rhythm. You nod, gripping your boobs to keep them from bouncing. Harry shakes his head, forcefully removing your hands. “Nope, none of that. Wanna see ’em.” He takes both of your hands in one of his, pinning them up over your head. His other hand reaches in between your bodies to rub at your clit, and before you have time to warn him, you’re cumming again, squirting all over his cock.

Harry throws his head back in pleasure, his thrusts getting sloppy and frantic, and you know he’s seconds away from his own orgasm. You spur him on, telling him how badly you wanted him to come inside of you (even though he was wearing a condom). He stills moments later, shaking above you as he holds himself up with an arm, not wanting to collapse on top of you.

“Fuckin’ hell, Y/N. Why did we wait a whole week to do this again?”

#harry styles smut #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fic #teacher!h

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venvensblog · 3 years ago

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Venti x depressed! reader oneshot

Before reading any further:

• This story contains: Venti x depressed! Gn Reader

• TW: depression, mentions of death

• Author: Kay

• This is my first oneshot, my first story and I hope you'll like it lol. I'm sorry for grammar mistakes and for some auto-correct words that I didn't notice. Enjoy the story~

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As the cold breeze gently touched your soft skin and as the sun shone to your lost gaze before disappearing you sat lonely on the highest cliff of the city of freedom, your mind elsewhere but here, thinking, thinking and thinking, maybe overthinking. No known face around to be found, just you, the nature and the wind keeping you company while you endlessly fall into the depths of the dark thoughts, eating up the light you had inside you. Why....why...why..why..why? How many days was it? 3 or 5 or 8 or 10? Perhaps you were all by yourself for eternity, doomed to be alone, destined to be trapped in the void in your own head, that has been killing you slowly. Without your notice a tear or two caressed your rosy cheeks, wondering, what are you even feeling anymore? Your current state didn't let you to notice a fellow bard of Mondstadt approaching you with two apples and a tune just for you. "Ah-ha! There you are!" his joyfull voice ringing in your ears, but also being the sweet melody you enjoy to hear, bringing you back to the reality you grew in. A weak smile appeared on your face as you greed the bard with the wave of your hand. The bard however noticed your tears as your eyes told him, how you feel. Quietly he sits beside you giving you one of the apples he got from one of the apple trees. "What is that you're doing here? All alone by yourself, perhaps the stars and the moon got your attention before me?" Venti chuckled slightly, then took a bite to his apple, looking at the night sky full of stars and the moon. You took a second before responding "Oh, I was just thinking... thinking about things.." you knew you could trust Venti with your burdens, but you questioned yourself if perhaps you weren't too much to deal with already, if your feelings and cries weren't cutting the wings of the anemo archon. Sure, as a god, he can take and give more than a mortal, but still... is it okay to burden him more? Your train of these thoughts stopped when Venti placed his hand on yours and looked into your eyes, cupping your face with his gentle hands as he said " Your eyes told me the truth [Y/n]... fear not to tell me, I am here for you and I always will be." The more you stared into his aqua eyes, the more blurry your vision was, because of your tears blocking you from seeing Venti's worried face. As youblink finally, tears started to flow down your cheeks before Venti carefully kissing them away. He knew as you started sobbing quietly, that now is not the time to make you talk, instead he pulled you into his embrace, wrapping his arms around you, letting you cry into his shirt as he gently rubbed your back. You were lost, not a single thought but at the same time millions of thoughts running in your head, you felt awful as you once again had to be comforted by the only person, who lights your way in the dark.

'Apologize, apologize, apologize, suck it up or he will leave just as everyone, too much to handle, trapping his free spirit in the claws of your darkness..' you said to yourself.

"I'm so s-sorry...!" you said in between sobs, catching the bard's attention. Before he speaks you cut him off screaming against his shirt "I'm sorry, I always end up crying and dragging you down with my never ending depressed- stupid emotions! I wish I could be just normal, I wish I didn't have to ground you, tie down your freedom...!" the following part you said was not loud, but a soft whisper in your sobs, but Venti still heard "...I wish I could just... die..". At this very moment Venti just freezed. Hearing your wish to die just further proved him, how badly scared were you from life to wish something like this. He hold you tighter now, not letting you go. Tears started forming in his aqua eyes aswell, he felt bad for you and if he could he would just take all your negative emotions and make them disappear right here and now. "Oh [y/n]... if only you could see into my head and my heart how amazing of a person you are. You do not burden me, you never did and never will. Your feelings are valid and you know well how much I care about your well-being, right? I cannot tell you what you should do as this would go against the freedom I always wished for for everyone, but please know your death will not hurt only me, but many other people that care for you. You might feel like you're at the bottom of the world, but the good thing is that the only way now is up and I will always lift you with the wind once you need it the most..." as you quietly listened, you felt the wind getting stronger as it slowly lifted both of you up into the sky. Venti was holding your hands with his own, breaking the embrace so you see the world around you. He looks at you with the warmest and most sincere smile on his face, his eyes glittering in the dark telling you more than words can describe. His sidetails shining light blue from using his powers as the wind makes them swing slowly. This moment made you feel something you never felt before..... hope? You didn't know exactly, but it felt like the archon in front of you lit your candle again. "My dearest [y/n], my muse, my melody, my star, my moon, my world..." his voice was echoing in the sky as you watchem him silently, your tears being softly wiped away by the gentle wind, forming your tears into a small drop before falling slowly all the way down from the sky and the cliff to reach the ground. "... on the days when you find no one but yourself in the dark, your light fading, your vision blurring, your heart aching, remember that that the wind is always with you, when I will be too far away to reach you.... no matter where in the world you will be, no matter how weak the wind is gonna be, it will always be here to listen, to guide and to love and support you no matter what. Listen to the wind, speak to the wind for I will always listen and send you sweet tunes like this one.." he let go of your hands slowly so you won't lose your balance while you levitate as he takes out his lyre and starts playing a sweet gentle tune lulling you to sleep. Once he's sure you have fallen asleep, he puts his lyre away and gently graps your levitating sleeping body, adoring your face, holding you close as he makes you both return back to the cliff settling your head on his lap and brushing your hair off of your face. He stays with you till you wake, till the sun shines the day, till you open your eyes again and till he gets the chance to make you laughs and smile.

Under the night sky he thinks, how will he make you laugh and smile to make your negative thoughts say goodbye?

#venti #genshin #gi venti #venti genshin #genshin venti #genshin impact venti #venti the bard #venti x reader #venti x you #venti oneshot #venti barbatos #genshin oneshot #venti genshin impact #venti comfort #venti headcanons #venti fluff #Spotify

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mitsungo · 3 years ago

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We are already this far! And this has turned into more of an Akaza x reader story 🌸 I’m sorry Kyo— for now it’s just Akaza, patience, patience. Plz excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes! I’m on vacation right now and I have been adding to this when I get inspired! The next part will be the last part which I hope to finish by Sunday! Because we need closure! No cliffhangers! Not here! 🍡 Enjoy for now! Also time is like super super uh 😵‍💫 just stick with the plot okay! 😭

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿ ❄️ ✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

Y/n was currently working on a kimono, the client was none other Kocho Shinobu, the insect hashira. It was daytime, so Akaza wasn’t able to be visit her, though he wish he could. He was currently down in the cellar of the mansion. Waiting for Y/n to signal him that sundown was already here. Shinobu was a very good friend of Y/n’s, and she personally would check up on her and the baby. Or babies, as Y/n would put it. Something in her told her that she were going to have twins. It was a gut feeling.

“Y/n, you really shouldn’t overwork yourself. Your body is turning very weak lately, I fear that you will fall ill if you continue working yourself too much.” Shinobu said to her one day when she came to check how Y/n was doing. “I won’t fall ill Shinobu-chan. Don’t worry so much, I’m a strong woman. I can handle this. Come now, sit down with me.” Y/n said softly, patting a spot next to her. Shinobu frowned slightly with concern. “Don’t be worried. Like I said, I am fine. Shine me a beautiful smile would you? I hate seeing a frown on your face! It disheartens me!” Y/n teased Shinobu, letting out a small giggle as Shinobu shaked her head with a smile.

It had passed around six months now, and y/n was getting sicker by the day. Her body was very frail and sickly, she couldn’t really walk around anymore either without help. Her aunt and uncle refused to leave her alone anymore but she would tell them that she needed to be alone sometimes. Senjuro and Shinjuro would come around and visit Y/n often, Senjuro more worried about Y/n’s health than anything else. Mitsuri and Shinobu would drop by too, especially Shinobu who would give Y/n medicine to help with her health and pain that she would have at times. Akaza on the other hand would visit rarely for personal reasons as he told y/n. She didn’t argue, as her energy didn’t allow her to do so. But when Akaza did visit, he would hold her and make sure she had water nearby and the medicine Shinobu gave her. Everyone, including Akaza agreed that y/n should not continue working on anymore kimonos or anything that requires work. Y/n also didn’t argue, since she was too tired to even try and everyone would notice it too.

“Y/n? Dear? You have a letter from Tanjiro-kun!” Her aunt said behind the door. Y/n immediately stopped reading the book she had in her hands. Her aunt slid open the door and gently put the letter down next to her futon. “You finished your tea already. I’ll go brew you some new tea for later.” She told y/n, picking up the tray and leaving the room quietly. Y/n smiled softly, grabbing the letter and opening it. Kamado Tanjiro, he was a very kind and gentle boy that Kyojuro had met during his hashira meeting and his last mission. Tanjiro had come by one day to deliver some last words from Kyojuro to y/n, which made her burst out into tears, then proceeding to grasp Tanjiro into a hug, causing the young boy to cry as well. Ever since that day, the both of them wrote frequently to one another, with y/n telling him about her pregnancy, wishing him luck on his missions and other things. Tanjiro would write about his missions, or his day, or how Zenitsu and inosuke missed her and how much he loved reading about how y/n and the babies were doing. Another point to y/n on how she knew she was going to have twins, when Tanjiro visited her one day during her early months of pregnancy, he assured her that she was having twins. Still, no one believed the two, though Zenitsu too assured her that she was pregnant with twins.

A few days later, Tanjiro and Nezuko had stopped by to pay a visit to Y/n. It had been around two weeks since they had last seen her, and Tanjiro was dying to speak to her. As Tanjiro and Nezuko walked to her residence, he couldn’t help but think about how much of a mother figure y/n was to him and Nezuko. She reminded him of his mother, her gentle and soft spoken nature caused him to think of his mother when y/n spoke or laughed. When she hugged him the first time they met, Tanjiro was left in a state of shock, the warmth was that of a mother, a loving and kind embrace. They both arrived in front of the mansion and immediately saw the gate open. It was Y/n’s aunt.

“Oh! Tanjiro-kun! Nezuko-chan! Good timing! I just brewed Y/n some tea! Come in! Come in my dears!” Her aunt waved, yanking Tanjiro and Nezuko in before they could even greet her. “Thank you very much Mrs. L/n!” “I told you to call me aunt! We are like family now! Don’t be shy dear!” Mrs. L/n giggled, putting a hand over her mouth, her eyes closed. “Ah yes sorry Mrs— erm auntie.” How much he missed visiting the L/n residence.

“She’s in her room! You know where it is darlings!” Aunt L/n said, before leaving to go get the tea. “Come on Nezuko, let’s go see Y/n!” Tanjiro grabbed Nezuko’s hand and they both quickly made their way to her room. “Y/n.” Nezuko softly said. “Yeah that’s right—!” The doors to y/n’s room slid open, interrupting Tanjiro. “Tanjiro. Nezuko. I’m so happy to see you both again.” Y/n smiled softly, her arms wrapping themselves around the siblings. Tanjiro’s eyes widened, “You can’t be up mother!” He quickly realized what he said, his face flushed red with embarrassment. Y/n laughed weakly, still hugging the two siblings.

After getting settled and drinking some tea, y/n pulled a small box out from her drawer. “I want to give you both something. As you both have been very kind to me, my family and my children.” Y/n said, pulling out two small handkerchiefs, one patterned like Tanjiro’s haori and the other like nezuko’s kimono. Y/n handed them to the two siblings, Tanjiro bowed his head, taking the piece of cloth and looking at it closely. It was a snowy mountain, it reminded him of his home, the snow, the trees, the grey sky. Y/n was taken by surprise when Tanjiro embraced her, tears falling from his eyes. “I’m—.” Tanjiro started but was cut off by y/n embracing him back tightly, Nezuko joining in, both children nuzzling themselves into Y/n’s hug. “You both, are one of the many greatest treasures blessed to me. I am so glad to have two wonderful children like you both.” Y/n said in between tears, Tanjiro looked up at her, a warm gentle smiling adoring her face as tears fell from her eyes. The two of them cried softly, Nezuko blinking in surprise at why her two favorite people were crying.

When Akaza arrived later that day, y/n was a bit shocked but she quickly welcomed him into her room. Akaza went to give her an embrace but he stopped midway. She smelt different, and it irritated him. Just who the hell was she seeing during the day? He had gotten familiar with a few scents, her aunt, her uncle, three friends that she refused to give the names of, but these two new scents were just unbearable, he had smelt one of them somewhere before, but he couldn’t remember from where. Y/n picked up on his new mood and looked down slightly, preferring not to say anything, as Akaza could easily get annoyed when he is in deep thought. Y/n sighed, pushing a piece of her hair behind her ear. Suddenly, a wave of pain hit her like a rock, she didn’t know what it was but it was almost as if it was a cramp. She let out a small gasp, covering her mouth quickly so Akaza couldn’t hear her, but Akaza had noticed and was already by her side.

“What’s wrong Y/n? What hurts? Tell me! Where is the medicine? Come on! It has to always be near you! You know this!” He cried, looking around for the medicine Shinobu had given to y/n for pain. “It’s in the cabinet. Top shelf.” Y/n replied, putting her hand on her stomach. As Akaza was looking for her medicine, she started to hum a tune, rubbing her stomach to soothe the babies down. “On wintery days, up on the snowy hills, a house not far from the village—.” A few small kicks from her stomach caused y/n to stop singing. She was surprised, her babies have never kicked once. Akaza froze immediately at how silent the room had become, he swiftly took the medicine and was by y/n’s side in less than a few seconds. “What happened?” He questioned, glancing back and forth at her and her stomach. “The babies, just kicked me.” Y/n answered, tears brimming from her eyes. Akaza was in shock, his eyes moved to look at y/n’s, she looked back at him, her eyes now sparkling like the stars. “Akaza-kun, I want you to know something.” Y/n started, picking up his hand and moving it towards her stomach, placing it on top. “I might die, giving birth to the babies. But it is worth my own life, as any other mother would do the same for their children. These babies, will have a life worth living, they will be able to experience what it is to grow, to love and to cry. Even though, their parents won’t be around.” Akaza’s eyes widened at her words, how could she calmly say such things? Does she not fear death? Why is that? How is that possible? No, he could not let her die, not when she had children to live for. “You can not die. You must not die!” He cried, gripping her hands tightly, causing her to flinch and look at him with surprise. “These children, can not live without a parent! They need you! Their mother! Their mother is most important person in the world! That is why you can not die! Their fathers may not be alive when they are born and when they grow up! But they will have you! And you will tell them all about their fathers, their lives and their wills! So you have to promise me….” He paused, staring intently into y/n’s eyes, who’s eyes have started to spill more tears. “…you have to promise me that you will live! For you! And for our children!” Akaza yanked y/n into a kiss, he could not be able to cry one single tear, as much as he wished he could, but y/n knew this, as she was crying much more now. “I will have to leave you. This is my last visit. I only wish. We could have spent much more time together. If only then…if only, no, this is how it must be. I’m sorry. I—.” The words wouldn’t come out of his mouth, he couldn’t say it, he didn’t have the courage to do so. Y/n gently gripped his hands, bringing them up to her heart. Akaza stared in awe, as y/n’s tears finally stopped.

Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t they just be together a bit more? Was it too much to ask for? He was going to be a father, after all these years, and yet he had to leave it all behind. His little affair with Y/n, his own child, his love, his kindness, his warmth, it would be all gone. All of this happiness will disappear after he leaves, after he steps foot out of her mansion, the final battle was approaching, and y/n knew it too. Why was the world like this? No, he had a role to fulfill, he must continue fighting, no matter the cost. Akaza was a demon, he ate and murdered humans. He was a monster, a very strong monster too, yet this woman who someone managed to entangle with his emotions, caused him to see beauty in the world just for a little bit. The woman who’s fiancé he had killed with his own hands, he took her only happiness away and still she found new happiness with him. And now, with twins on the way, she would be happy even more. How beautiful. Akaza felt himself stand up with y/n by his side, going near the window in the room, they stood in front of it, hands intertwined together. She kissed the knuckles of his hands, and opened her mouth,

“You are one of the most understanding, kind, respectful and wonderful persons I have ever met in my life. I am thankful for having such a sweet person with me for this long. I owe you so much Akaza-kun. So please take care of yourself.” She reached her hand out towards his cheeks, his eyes widening with confusion, her smile, was the most genuine he had ever seen on a person throughout his entire life as a demon. “Fight with honor, and do the best you have ever done in your entire life, as this is the last blessing I will give you…” Y/n’s hands fell to her sides, her eyes glimmering with passion and determination. He knew this was it, this was their last day together. As he jumped from her window, into the garden, and onto the fence. He looked back one more time to see her, just to see her before he left for good, his heart aching as he heard her words slip from her mouth.

“Akaza-kun. I love you too.”

#demon slayer #fanfic #akaza kimetsu no yaiba #akaza x reader #akaza x you #writing

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avungerthatgotaway · 4 years ago

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The Soldier of the Night

heyyyy guys!! this is my first ever request fic and im so excited to do iiiit. please tell me what you think of it in the comments🥰

it's made for this request

summary: y/n finally takes matters into her own hands and escapes hydra. but it won't be as easy as she tought...

warnings: mentions of blood and child neglect

pairings: avengers x teen!reader (platonic)

genre: angst-ish, fluff at the end

Sorry for grammar mistakes.

If you have request feel free to ask🥰

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Y/N Y/LN, but no one calls you by that name. To the world you are known as The Soldier of the Night, the merciless murderer. Mothers all over the world use you to teach their kids about most dreadful dangers. People gather around campfire in woods and share scary stories of your cold heart and homicides you don't feel guilty about. You are the biggest fear of each and every government there is in world.

And you always wonder what all those people would say if they knew how old you were. Or that you never kill willingly. Or that you silently pray every night for the victims you harmed or killed in your brainwashed state.

Or that hydra has no control over you anymore. You are currently running, without exact destination, just to get as far from hydra as you can. They are probably alerted of your absence by this point, but you are already in New York, so you can maybe find a hiding spot before they find you.

-Avengers pov

Nick Fury hurried to the avengers tower, where he called a sudden meeting this morning.

When he came in Steve and Sam were sweaty, probably just came from their morning jog. Bucky was still fighting sleep in his pyjamas, hair sticking out in different directions. Wanda was starring daggers at him for waking her up so early. Tony and Bruce were in lab coats, probably didn't sleep at all. All other avengers were at their respective missions.

"I called this meeting because my resources told me infamous Soldier of the Night is out of hydra HQ. We don't know why, but it's probably another killing mission for hydra. He is currently laying low, somewhere around south entrance to the city. Your mission is to stop him from harming anyone and bring him here. Alive if possible, it would benefit us to know what are hydra's plans at the moment." he finished.

"Alright." said Steve dutifully. "Any information we can get on him before we go?"

"Not much. Only that he is dangerous, and doesn't spare anyone. He is a ghost story. We don't even know if it's a he, that's just a guess."

"Very well. Everyone suit up, I expect you in front of tower in 10." Steve said and left, other avengers following behind.

They came back that evening, exhausted of their unsuccessful search. There was no trace of the soldier. But they had to keep looking as long as there's hope to get rid of the monster.

-2nd person pov

Your heart was racing a hundred miles. You were well aware of the possibility of hydra finding you. But you didn't expect it to be this soon. You were in hiding for only 2 months and they already tracked you down.

Windows broke on your left side and hydra agents started piling in. At the same time on your right side the door broke down revealing whole avengers team, with few additions. You faintly remember one of them as The Winter Soldier, but what was he doing with avengers? Your toughts were cut short by a punch in your face delivered by one of hydra agents.

That's when it snapped: you had to fight for your life. And you probably had to fight both sides.

You started fighting hydra agents, harming them as much as you can without killing.

The avengers stand at the doorstep, and you faintly hear one of them saying "What the actual fuck?". They seemed belivered.

But they soon join the fight knocking out hydra agents. A fist connected with the back of your head, knocking you out into pool of darkness.

Light clacking of bottles was the first thing you hear when you wake up. You squint your eyes open, panic finnaly kicking in to where you are. Your first tought was that you were back in hydra HQ, but the room was way too light for that, and hydra wanted you dead.

You started panicking and franatically got out of the bed, trying to escape. Whoever this is, they nean no good. Even avengers want to kill you. But as soon as you got up, black dots invaded your vision, causing you to fall. But before you hit the groung a pair of arms caught you, leading you to sit back in bed.

"Hey, hey sweetie calm down. No one will harm you here. Don't make any sudden movements, your head is still not completely healed." a man told you.

You just layed back and watched him bandage your wrist.

"I am Bruce Banner, by the way. What is your name?" he asked kindly.

"Y/N Y/LN" you whispered, almost inaudibly but he heard it.

"Alright, Y/N. I think I bandaged all your bruises. Rest of the team is waiting out, do you maybe want to meet them?"

By 'team' he probably meant rest of the avengers. You saw a big 'A' painted on the wasll, so that had to be it, right? You immediately shook your head no, eyes widening in fear. You still weren't sure they won't harm you, and meeting them seemed overwhelming in your current state.

"It's okay, calm down. You can meet them later. I will stay with you a little. We could talk if you want?"

You just shrugged your shoulders, not particularly fond of talking with anyone, but not wanting to seem rude because he did help you.

"Okay. How old are you Y/N?" he asked slowly.

"(your age)" you quietly said.

"Dear lord, you really are just a kid. I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through."

You just zoned out, thinking about everything that happened, when something poped up in your mind.

"Mr. Banner?" you asked shyly.

"Call me Bruce kiddo. What is it?"

"I tought I saw The Winter Soldier at the door when you guys came to get me?"

"Oh yes. Bucky. He was also in hydra, as you probably know. He was brainwashed. I suppose you were too?"

"I was, every time I killed somebody. Sometimes I went to missions with other agents and they didn't brainwash me, but I never killed anyone when I was in my senses." You started thinking about your victims as teers pooled in your eyes.

"We supposed so. Do you want me to bring Bucky in a little? Maybe he can help you feel better, because he knows what you're going through."

You slowly nodded, not wanting to reject meeting avengers the second time.

"Alright, he'll be here in a minute." Bruce gave you a gentle smile and patted your shoulder.

A minute after he exited, in came Bucky. He looked better than when you saw him last, but you doubted he's seen you. You were sneaking out, tryna find some food, when you heard and saw agents torturing him. That's about only memory you have of him, along with stories you've heard from other people.

"Hello there doll. How are you? Bruce told me you remember me." he said gently, sitting at the edge of your bed.

"I-I am alright, i guess. Th-thanks. And yes, I do. A little. I was passing by door, when I saw them torturing y-yo-you." you started sobbing a little, the memory bringing back others. Memories of them torturing you. And you torturing other people in your brainwashed state.

"Hey don't cry. It's okay, shhh. Come here." he opened his arms, and you hesitantly scooted closer, not exactly sure what he wanted. He circled his arms around you, and you flinched, thinking he's gonna attack you. But he just gently kept his arms wrapped around you, soothingly rubbing you back. after some time you wraoed your arms around his middle, still not sure what's going on.

But it was a nice feeling. You never felt something like it before. You felt so safe, like nothing could harm you as long as you two stay like that. You wanted to know what was all this about.

"Wha-at are you do-oing?" you asked after you stopped sobbing, but still hiccuping a little.

"Oh, I'm hugging you. Are you uncomfortable? I will stop if you are. Sorry." he said starting to draw back.

"No!" you quickly said, clutching onto him like koala. You were afraid the sense of comfort will leave you as soon as he withdraws from you.

"Shhh, doll. I won't let go. Never. Nothing will ever harm you here kiddo. We will take care of you. You can live normal life, like all other kids. Maybe go to school after you adapt to your surroundings. Here is a kid Peter he is about your age. You can make friends your age. And of course we will be your friends. For as long as you want it."

"Wait, I can live here? I'm not a burden?"

"No, of course not. Don't ever think that, please."

"B-Bu-Bru" you struggled to remember what Bruce told you his name was.

"Bucky. Or James, whichever you prefer kid."

"Oh okay. What are hugs Bucky?"

"Well I'm hugging you right now. You hug people ti show your emotions. Like comfort, thankfulness, happiness, love. It's what friends do."

"Wait wait wait. You never had a hug before?? Like ever????" a new voice boomed. It sounded genuine but way too loud. You flinched instinctively and hid your face in Bucky's shoulder. He tightened his hold on you for comfort.

"Can you be any louder Thor? And no she was practically raised in hydra, they don't exactly hug around." Bucky said.

"I am sorry, lady Y/N. For frightening you, and for my inappropriate question. I am Thor Odinson." he said coming closer to you.

"It's okay Mr. Thor. I'm Y/N Y/LN, nice to meet you." you said shyly.

"Oh it's lovely meeting you too. I came here because brother Stark asked me to ask you if our presence is wished upon now."

"Huh, what do you think, doll? Ready to meet 'em now? No pressure." Bucky quietly asked, only for you to hear.

You tought about it for a second, but if everyone is nice as three you already met, you'd like to meet them all. And with quiet "okay", Bucky nodded to Thor and he left to call the others in.

That night you layed in your bed, thinking of that day's events. You met everyone, since no one had missions assigned. They were all really nice to you. Even Loki, which surprised every avenger. You were not sure why tho, Loki was nice, and his voice was comforting. The Maximoff twins were really funny, and Tony already started making you your own room! Everyone else you've met was aweosme: Natasha, Clint, Steve, Sam and Rhodey. Peter was shy but nice, he promised to show you some good movies and he was belivered when you said you don't know what those are.

Bucky was still you favorite. He stayed the longest, promising to come and visit you first thing in the morning. You hoped he'll hug you again, you were quite fond of hugs now.

Few months passed since avengers saved you. Life couldn't be better at this point. You were home schooling, or rather preparing to go to real school next year. Peter already introduced you to his friends from school you are going to attend. You were training to become an avenger, and it was so exciting.

You were currently having breakfast tho, sitting in between Sam and Bucky who were bickering about one thing or other. Tony was dancing funnily while making pancakes, while Nat was trying to throw as many blueberries as possible at him. You heard Clint somewhere in wents above you, probably setting up a prank. You smiled to yourself. Even though you never knew love, or had a family until two months prior, avengers accepted you. They were slowly becoming your family, and you couldn't imagine your life without them. ;)

172 notes · View notes

suchalonelysunflower · 4 years ago

Text

Wedding Bells (l.h)

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x Fem!Reader

Summary: The happiest day of your life is the worst day on Luke’s life. Could there still be a happy ending if he’s not too late?

Warnings: angsty. Language and mentions of alcohol. Slander on the name Phillip (sorry to all the Phills but it’s true, look it up) Some grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 4.9 k

Author’s note: let me guide you through my thought process: I was writing You Said Forever and accidentally got caught up on the Olivia x Joshua x sabrina drama, that lead me to the Miley x Nick x Selena drama, which lead me to the song Wedding Bells by Nick Jonas. So this is loosely based on that. Remember that Reblogs, Comments, Feedback and Likes are very important and welcomed, you don’t know how much it helps and I love to hear from you guys ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading ✨🦋🌻

My materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

His head was pounding, loudly.

Every beat sounded like an echo that ran through his whole body. Speaking of his body, goddamn how it hurt, how everything hurts.

His eyelids were closed, eyelashes stuck and tangled with each other, heavy as the sun shined through the window, begging him to get up. His mouth was also dry, he couldn’t figure out if it was because he slept with his mouth open or because he doesn’t remember the last time he drank a drop of water.

He groaned as the pounding in his head continued. A never-ending pain that matched the loud banging on the door.

“Luke! C’mon, we’re going to be late!”

Ashton's voice sounded far away as his mind was not fully awake yet. He didn’t want to be awake yet, maybe not ever again after this day.

If his eyes were awake he would roll them. Couldn’t Ashton understand that he didn’t want to go? He made it fairly obvious for the past few months! He was not going.

Luke hid his head farther in his pillow, trying to avoid any kind of contact with the outside world. But that was almost impossible as soon as he heard Ashton pick on his lock.

That bastard.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to mess with a bloke from the outsides of town?” He said with a teasing tone. Luke knew he was bluffing, his doorknob was messed up since the moment they bought the house, so it was easy to get in if you knew the right tricks with a safety pin - oh the irony of it all.

Luke mumbled something close to a word his mum wouldn’t be proud to hear. But Ashton simply ignored it as he walked towards the windows to open the curtains, letting the sun illuminate the room at its full capacity.

Ashton sighed at the sight of the room. Clothes were thrown out everywhere, the same goes with the hundred liquor and beer bottles and cans that were scattered around the floor. He grabbed the half-empty bottle of vodka that rested on the nightstand and clicked his tongue.

“You bought this yesterday,” He said, totally unimpressed. Luke didn’t answer “C’mon, buddy, up to the shower you go”

Ashton patted Luke’s back, encouraging him to get a move on, but the blonde just brought his sheets over his head and stayed put.

“Luke…”

“Mmnphf” He mumbled.

“What?” Ashton walked to the foot of the bed and grabbed the tall Australian by his legs, pulling him out of his comforter in one swift move that made Luke fall out of the bed with a thud.

“Motherfuck-“ He complained, rubbing on his bumped head, which was still pounding by the way.

“You were saying?” Ashton said with a smirk as he crouched down to be face to face with Luke, the teasing smile quickly fading away because he didn’t like what he saw at all.

The baby blue eyes that once shined with gleam were dull, red, and empty, and probably angry about his interruption. His curly blond was sticking to his forehead and his body language seemed to have given up on keeping him with a straight figure, making him physically close himself up to others.

“I said I’m not going!” His voice was hoarse due to the heavy drinking he’s been doing these past few days. He tried to sound harsh, but Ashton could easily see through his bluff. He was hurting, every part of him.

“Of course you are,” Ashton scoffed.

Luke glared at him “I’m. Not. Going” He said through gritted teeth. The drummer rolled his eyes. He’s had this conversation before and it was always the same speech.

“You are because she wants you there, so you’ll be there” Ashton stated as if that was the only reasonable answer.

Luke closed his eyes, cause he was sure that if he opened them he would punch Ashton in the mouth. Why couldn’t he understand? “I can’t go, Ash”

His voice broke at the end of the pleading, breaking Ashton’s heart in the process. He hated to see him like that; to see him throw away his life so carelessly without asking for or accepting anyone’s help. It’s not like he ignored what was happening, but he was sure this would do good for him; close cycles, help him move on, and that shit. How else could you mend a broken heart?

“And besides,” Luke continued “She doesn’t want me there” The words felt like poison in his mouth, bitter and dry “She invited you guys, you are her friends and I’m just her stupid ex”

That was a lie and he knew that. When the invitations came he made sure to throw his away before he even got to open it. Making the others believe that he wasn’t invited at all. He didn’t even tell them that you were the one who dropped them, him being unlucky enough to answer the door.

“It’s in June,” You said, eyes avoiding him “Hope you can make it”

Whatever words Luke had stuck in his throat stayed there as he swallowed the pain of seeing you standing there, inviting him to see you love someone else. All he could say was “You’ll look beautiful in white”

You practically ran away after that, leaving him alone with the invitations. Just looking at those envelopes hurt more than he could imagine. He knew this day would come eventually, he hoped he would. He just hoped that his name was engraved on paper next to yours.

“Maybe,” Said Ashton with a grin “But if she didn’t want you there then why did she ask me to RSVP for you?” Luke’s eyes widened like plates, he knew Ashton had called his bluff once again “She said you never answer yours so I did it for you. Cause she wants you there, Luke. You were her best friend, too”

Luke groaned and covered his face with his hand “Why did you do that?!” He asked with an exasperated tone, wanting to hate on the drummer but knowing that that was impossible.

“Because you need to go, mate! You can’t leave her hanging like this!”

“And what am I supposed to say?!” He yelled, he was not used to yelling but he was at the ends of his wits ``‘Oh, hey Y/N! A beautiful day isn’t it? Perfect weather to break my heart into a million pieces while you marry another guy and I’m sitting there watching, wishing I was him! I’m happy for you, though I’m really not cause I know it’s been like what? 3 years 5 months and 24 days since we broke up? but I’m still in love with you. Okay have fun?!”’

He grabbed an empty can from the floor and threw it away, hitting the door of his closet. He was beyond furious and frustrated. You were getting married and he can’t do anything to stop it; to stop you.

Ashton sighed, heartbroken by this whole ordeal “You’ve been counting?”

“Ever since that day. It was my greatest mistake and now I’m suffering from it. Karma really is a bitch. Did you know our anniversary is supposed to be in 5 days? And now it’s impossible to ever get her back”

The drummer placed a hand on Luke's shoulder, he wished he could make his pain go away. He’s never seen his friend so heartbroken before and it pained him knowing that there was nothing he could do about it.

“Luke,” He said in a fatherly tone “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. But believe when I tell you she wants you there, she misses you” Luke turned his head towards Ashton, his eyes begging him not to lie “I’m serious, she’s always asking about you but she’s too scared to talk to you thinking that you don’t want to speak to her. She needs you there, man. Not as a bitter ex and to show you she’s moved on, but as a friend. And I know for a fact you can’t say not to her, even when you’re mad”

Luke sighed. Ashton was right. He could never deny you anything, even before you were together and you were just his best friend, you were always his weakness.

He misses you too, every day since you broke up he’s been missing you. And he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to see you at least one last time, given that your last interaction was awkward as hell.

“I can’t go, Ash”

Ashton nodded with a disappointing sigh as he got up from the floor, but before he could walk out the door he heard Luke say “I can’t go because I don’t have a suit!”

Ashton smiled “I got you covered, buddy” And left the room so Luke could take a shower.

Ashton’s suit was itchy, but Luke was grateful that he didn’t have to show up in jeans and an old BonJovi shirt.

He was surprised to find out that they were actually on time, although he wouldn’t be surprised if someone told him that Ashton woke him up much earlier than needed to get there on time.

They met with Michael and Calum in the parking lot, they greeted each other and started talking as if Luke’s heart wasn’t about to burst from the anxiety he was feeling.

To show up at a wedding is something; to show up at your ex’s aka the love of your life’s wedding is… unsettling. He understood why his friends didn’t want to make it awkward for him, yet the awkwardness settled at the moment he stepped foot out of the car.

“She’s getting married in a church?” He asked no one in particular.

“Yeah? That’s why we are here, mate” Calum chuckled.

Luke furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. You never wanted to get married in a church or even a chappel. No, if he remembers correctly, your dream wedding was somewhere outdoors; either a park or a forest or even someone’s backyard. You used to say that love was the most beautiful and natural thing in the universe, so it was logical to celebrate something as powerful as a wedding in the eyes of nature, so it all came to be one for love and love can be one for all.

He remembers he laughed at that, not to mock you in any way, but in awe of how beautiful you put it. Everything you said sounded like poetry to him, even if you were just reading a menu in a Chinese restaurant. But now your poetry would belong to someone else, and he only hoped that that someone deserves to hear it.

He doesn’t know the groom, he believes his name was Phill? Or something like that? Ashton always said he was kind of a jerk, but you loved him enough to marry him so maybe he wasn’t that bad. But for Luke he would always be the man that stole you from him.

All three of his friends started walking inside the rustic church and Luke followed, incapable to think about anything else that wasn’t you at that moment.

However, the minute he entered the cold building he knew something was wrong.

The church was filled with people he didn’t know, he assumed they must be from the groom’s side of the family, but he would bet the 35$ Ashton left in his pocket that you didn’t know half of these people either.

You never wanted a big wedding, hell, you didn’t even want a big birthday party, no matter how much Luke insisted on it.

“Those kinds of parties are not for the ones being celebrated!” You told him once “If it was truly important then all you need is your closest friends and your found family. What else is there to love?”

Your words kept repeating themselves inside Luke’s head. What else is there to love? Indeed.

That wasn’t the only thing catching his attention though. With every step he took towards his seat he found out more things out of place, out of you.

For example, the color scheme was terrible and he knows you didn’t pick it, your favorite colors were nowhere to be seen. Then it was the flowers, if there is one thing he never forgot about you were your favorite flowers. You used to fill the house with them saying that they were your little serotonin boosters, he remembers how happy they made you and how one time he nearly bought all the flowers in the shop to surprise you when you were having a bad day. Now he cannot even look at them without thinking of you.

The more steps he took the more flawed this wedding looked. And yes, he knows that sounds bad, especially coming from him. But it was the truth. Not even the music sounded like it would come from you.

The words ‘This is not right’ Kept screaming at the back of his head.

The Y/N he knew would never choose those flowers or those colors or that guest list or that venue, nor the song that was playing over the speakers. She preferred live music over all the rest and, if she would’ve asked, she’d known that all four of them would perform for free on the happiest day of her life, even if it was the crappiest day for him.

If someone were to tell him a year ago that this is how your wedding would look, he would’ve laughed cause this is not like you. This wedding, this… charade of glamour and show.. this wasn’t you. This wasn’t Y/N. And it's supposed to be your day!

He couldn’t understand why you’d choose this? This was so unlike you, unless… unless he never really knew you at all.

And just like that, the sinking feeling of dread came upon him as he tried to figure out who was the person he knew and who are you now? What changed so much to make you lose all that you once were?

What if?

What if he knew how to love you better? He wouldn’t have let you walk away from him. He would’ve fought for you, for the two of you, instead of just giving up like he did.

Luke knew he loved you. Fuck, he still loves you like the first day. And now you are loving somebody else cause he didn’t know how to keep the most beautiful thing he ever had; the most beautiful thing he let die. He messed up, but his biggest fuck up was realizing it and doing nothing about it.

And now it was too late.

“Dude, are you okay?” Michael whispered when he noticed his friend's frown.

Luke nodded, lips pressed together in a thin line “What were you saying?”

Michael smiled with mischief “We were just laughing at how ridiculous Phillip looks. That suit does not suit him at all”

For the first time since he came, he looked over at the altar. Standing there was the so-called Phill you were going to marry. He was talking to his groomsmen and laughing obnoxiously at what seemed like an inappropriate joke. What did you see on that guy?

“Did you know the name Phillip means horse lover?” Said Calum, trying to stiff a laugh with the other two friends.

They were doing their best to keep Luke distracted and he appreciated that. But seeing the groom so unpreoccupied, so chill and uninterested made his blood boil. How could he be so at ease? If it were him, if he had the wonderful chance to marry you, he’d be a ball of anxiety. He’d be wondering just how beautiful you’d look, if you were feeling as nervous as he was, if you were as happy as he was and how he couldn’t wait to marry you… He would do all that because he will know that he is the luckiest man on earth. But that’s not his truth at all.

“I’m going to take a walk”

Neither of them told him that the ceremony was about to start or offered to accompany him. They knew he needed time and they wouldn't pressure him at all. Luke silently thanked them for that.

He walked out of the ceremony hall and started pacing around the halls, quickly getting lost as he tried to ease his mind.

How could he go through this and pretend that he’s okay? He remembered Ashton’s words from this morning and knew that if you wanted him here then he would be here, but that still didn’t make it any easier.

He would go through the ends of the earth for you if you asked him to, but this? This might be the hardest thing he has ever done, second only to let you go.

His curls were getting messy because of all the ruffling he did with his hands. He needed to pull himself together before the ceremony, he needed to seem okay in front of you. He-

The soft cries coming from behind the door caught his attention. They were hushed but they seemed completely broken. Whoever was behind that door must feel just as hopeless as he did.

“Hello?” He said, knocking on the wooden door “Hello, are you okay in there?”

The sniffing sounds stopped “Luke?”

It was quiet, almost like a whisper. But Luke would recognize your voice anywhere, especially after not hearing you say his name for 3 years.

“Y/N?”

The door opened with a click and revealed a supply closet and, inside that supply closet, there was a bride. There you were.

Luke’s breath almost disappeared as you knocked the wind out of his lungs. You looked beautiful. Stunning in your white dress. Magical as your hair was perfectly styled. Breathtaking with your waterproof makeup still intact, although you would look breathtaking without it as well. Ethereal as you looked at him and he realized that all the times that he missed you seemed small at how much he missed you now and how he would miss you all his life.

If there were any other adjectives to describe how you looked, he would take them all out of the dictionary and give them to you in the form of a song. Cause in his eyes there was no other beauty that could compare, that even the sadness in your eyes seemed to compliment your magnificent. And that was something he couldn’t ignore.

Without thinking it twice he took a couple of steps in front of you and cupped your face in his hands, wiping your tears with his thumb as he murmured: “What’s wrong, love?”

Hearing his voice so worried and soft shook something in you, something that you didn’t know you still had but at the same time knew that it would never go away.

More tears started streaming down your eyes as your gaze met his, making you get lost in those baby blue marbles.

“I- I don’t know what I’m doing, Lukey” You confessed in a whisper.

At the sound of his nickname, Luke felt like he could float away in a cloud of happiness. He thought you’ve forgotten. But the look on your face denoted a fear he hoped he’d never got to see again.

Your eyes were puffy red and your cheeks were flushed, not only because of the blush. And your eyes, they were terrified and Luke didn’t know what to do, so he just said.

“You’re getting married today” You didn’t miss the hint of sadness that laced those words. You hoped that could mean something.

You placed your hands on his wrist, holding his hands that were cupping your face and making them stay there. Right now it was the only comfort you got.

“I don’t know if I should-“ You choke out a sob “Luke, I’m scared- I’m so scared”

“Do you love him?” The words pained him, cutting right through his heart. But you and him were here for a reason, and that reason was waiting at the altar.

He secretly prayed that you would say no, that you would beg him to take you away and run away together, maybe elope somewhere far away and not come back to this place ever again.

He saw the hesitation in your eyes and he knew his answer.

“Y/N, I love-“

“There you are!”

Luke closed his eyes in annoyance when he felt his words get stuck in his throat as the stranger’s voice came closer to them. You quickly pulled away from him and that only made his heart break more than it already was.

“We’ve been looking for you everywhere!” Said one of the bridesmaids Luke has never seen before, he assumed that it was from the side of the groom as well, just like everything else “The ceremony is about to start, we need to go now!”

She quickly grabbed you by the wrist and practically draged you to the ceremony hall.

You were desperate. Your pleading eyes searched for Luke, begging for him to do something. But what could he do now? His shocking state left him standing right there with his eyes glued to your figure being dragged away somewhere he didn’t know you wanted to be. It all happened so fast that the only thing he could think of was that this might be the last chance he’s got to see you and all he could do was stare into your pretty eyes cloud with fear and tears.

‘Here comes the bride’ started playing through the speakers of the church and Luke clenched his fists to his side. You hated this song.

He went back to his seat minutes after the ceremony started. His three best friends were looking at him with curiosity and a thousand questions in their minds. They knew the minute that they saw you come in that those tears were not of happiness and, judging by Luke’s hard, emotionless face, he had something to do with it.

Throughout the whole ceremony, Luke couldn’t stop staring at you. It was eating him inside the fact that he knew you didn’t want this and yet you were still going through it. He couldn’t understand why. He is losing you right before his eyes and he couldn’t take that.

He knew that the moment you say ‘I do’ would be the moment his soul would die forever.

“Luke?”

He knew something was wrong. He knew it the moment he parked the car in a freaking church and your eyes filled with tears just confirmed it to him.

“Luke, are you okay?” Michael whispered once again, concerned about the white knuckles on his best friend’s fists.

He loves you. He loves you so fucking much and he can’t let you do this.

He won’t let you do this.

“If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace"

“Fuck it,” Luke said before standing up.

In one second, all eyes were on him. He could feel the stares of strangers, the judgy whispers of the families, and even the shit-eating grins from his best friends sitting beside him. But all his attention was on you. On you and your relieved face.

“I object to this union,” He said in a firm voice that overshadowed the murmurs, leaving everyone completely quiet.

He could see your eyes clouding with tears and the way your lips seemed to be saying his name in one breath. That was all he needed to keep going.

Luke took a few steps to the side, walking until he ended up in the middle of the aisle, looking at you and only you.

“Y/N, I love you,” He said, earning a few gasps from the public “I love you since the day I met you, the day I first asked you to be mine, and even on the day I lost you. I was an idiot who didn’t know how to take care of the magic we created and decided that it was best to let it go before it went out of hand. But you, you always believed in magic; you always believed in me and, Y/N that’s why I’m here telling you that I am still in love with you. And that you are making a big mistake here, just like I did when I lost you. But we are still on time to make everything right.

This, however, is not right and you know it. Where are you in all of this? Do they know your favorite flowers or that your favorite song includes a swear word? Do they know the way you take your coffee or your favorite colors? Do they know how much you love to dance, especially when no one is watching?

I know you, baby. I know you enough to say with certainty that this is not what you wanted. I know how much you love rain and how you wish time would stop every time you take a shower so it could last longer. I know that you cry during every movie, even if they have a happy ending because you always believed in them. I know you never want to break someone’s heart so you are willing to take the hurt as long as the other person is okay. I know that my biggest regret is losing you, cause you are the only thing I got right in my life.

You are life, fire, spark, patience, and love. You are the kindest person on earth and you deserve so much more than this world could give. No one deserves you, darling but I would spend the rest of my days trying to.

I’m in love with you Y/N L/N. Please, don’t- don’t marry him”

Luke’s eyes were watery as he swallowed down a sob on the last part of his speech. His eyes never left yours for a second as his body visibly shook with anxiety and fear, waiting for your answer.

You, on the other hand, were smiling through the tears “I love you too, Luke” You said loud enough for all to hear, and Luke felt like he could breathe again, a smile growing wide as he let a few tears roll down his eyes.

You ran down the aisle to his arms, fully sinking into them as you wrapped your arms around his waist. Luke’s chuckle reverberated through his chest as he picked you up and spun you around in your wedding dress, finally putting you down and looking right into your eyes, now clouded with happy tears.

“I told you you were going to look beautiful in white”

He kissed you with all the love he had in his heart. It was honest, pure, and filled with happiness as the two lovers finally reunite, making the entire church erupted in cheers.

The groom, however, didn't share that excitement. He was fuming red as he started walking towards Luke with his groomsmen, calling you derogatory names as he was ready to start a fight.

“Oh, fuck no” Said Calum, walking down to the middle of the aisle along side Ashton and Michael, creating a safe distance between the two of you and the fight that was about to start. Phillip was not happy, but before he could give the first punch Calum’s fist was already on his face, making him tumble back with a bloody nose “Take that horse lover!”

All hell broke loose in the middle of church as punches were thrown carelessly. The three Australians seemed to be winning the fight with ease, beating the asses of your now ex-fiancé and his friends.

The public was too distracted by the fight to notice how you walked away from the aisle as you cheered on your friends to kick their kneecaps. Luke took your hand and pulled you towards him, still laughing as he began tugging on it for you to follow, and so you did.

You ran as fast as you could, leaving everyone behind without a second thought. The only thing in your mind being the love you had for each other and how you won’t take it for granted this time.

“I love you,” He said as you reached the car, placing his hands at the side of your waist and leaning in for a kiss filled with adrenaline “I fucking love you, Y/N”

You wrapped your hands around his neck and kissed him back with all the love you kept from him during all these years “I love you too, Luke. We are meant for forever”

“Forever and beyond”

It was a crazy sight from every point of view. The man with the messy hair and the girl in a wedding dress kissing in the middle of a church parking lot while the guests all peered from the entrance of the building, four of them bleeding through their nose with tears in their black eyes, and three of them with their clothes all messed up and sweaty, smiling triumphantly as they watched their friends live their love again.

With one last kiss, Luke helped you get inside the car and he quickly got to the other side, starting the engine just in time to hear the bells chime. Marking the start of your real happily ever after with the love of your life.

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