#also he doesnt know what the fuck is happening most of the time
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Narinder headcanons?
@i-think-thereforee
OK HOLD ON AN ASK OK GIVE ME A MOMENT SO
I love that wet cat, he is a doofus and silly also most certainly a megolomaniac. I mean look at this sinister ass grin, that feller is brewing some fucked up shit
his goals are straight forward, gain back freedom, get revenge, kill everything on his way. He doesnt care about anyone or anything else, he gets the lamb to kill all his siblings, is more than happy to sacrifice followers to reach his goals faster, is very willing to kill the lamb once they outlived their use to him and even gets enraged when they refused, to him their life is owned to him
it hits especially hard when the metal album came out, his song has this moment where he goes "uncaring and calculating, as evident by my willingness to kill my own siblings and the lamb that faithfully served me. I see the lamb and the cultists as nothing more than tool to meet my ends" THAT KITBY IS EVIL, THE KITTY CAT DONT CARE
Now dont get me wrong, i dont actually think thats all he cares about. Actually, i just think thats what he tries to make himself believe is all he cares about
I mean look at the bishops lore, they were a semi functioning family at some point! But when narinder started exploring resurrection and methods of bringing back life, he threatened their livelihood, and they got scared
(i think it wouldnt have been the first time they spilled godly blood for their own safety, but perhaps it was the most painful, being the blood of thwir own brother. Also the claws probably hurt a whole lot but i wouldnt know)
i think he was megolomanic long before the betrayal, and i think he had trust issues with love long before that too, but an event like that would leave a lot of scars. I could maybe too refuse to love, trust, if something like that happened
honestly me thinks he cares a whole lot about those around him, i think he loves baal and aym like his kids, loves the bishops despite hating them too for their betrayal, the lamb too. I just also think he pushes those feelings away, surpresses and joy that doesnt come from having power and strength, nothing nice can be trusted
without the high ground godhood gives him, he has a lot less defences, and kinda has to go along with everything, and one of the few ways he can defend himself from everything nice is bitching cause "i never asked you to bring me flowers, stupid dumb dumb ugly vessel, i dont appreciate these, fuck you"
#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl narinder#me yapping#no drawing with this cause i have too much irl stuff going on :(#sorry if these are boring i just mainly lean onto what i can see from canon#idk tho i could be wrong this is just what i think👍#love that evil cat tho <3
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Hey nepeta do you still ship people together? If so who's your OTP?
:33 < buckle the fuck up people we are about to go to town :33 < first of all of course i still have a shipping chart what kind of sensible person do you take me for :33 < its ummmm a little messier now but a girls gotta make do! :33 < m33ting more rebels has merely increased my pawsibilities for shipping too! :33 < meowstly i still k33p track of the main circle since its suuuuper hard to k33p track of everypawdy when theyre going to the diffurent bases we have but i do my darnedest regardless!!! :33 < what kind of shipper would i be if i didnt??? :33 < so equius is of course still my meowrail, obviously :33 < i think he wouldnt be here if he wasnt :33 < hed have gone off like mr ampurra did :33 < i think this is also the case fur gamz33 too :33 < that cr33p still wigs me meowt but what are you gonna do hes sticking around and that seems to be good enough fur my cuddlefish :33 < he and tavros are like all but confurmed pale! its totally obvious even if tavros doesnt like to go out adfurtising his quads :?? < vriskers and terezi have like... something going on but those girls are so messy its soooo hard to tell :33 < if i had to make a guess i think they vacillate a lot and ive s33n kanaya slipping in and out of the equation too... not sure in what quads but :33 < honestly good for her. she should live her truth :33 < i think equius sometimes has super black inclinations towards gamz33 which is kinda :// :33 < but im not about to yuck his yums! hes fr33 to quad whoevfur he wants X33 < he can be a freak if he wants to be!!! i dont care about micromanaging him :33 < aaaaanyways terezis just straight up a loose cannon a lot of the time, super casual with pails :33 < aradia and sollux used to be pale but its kind of hard to tell where they stand now since most of the evfurything that happened :33 < i know that karkitty is absolutely gunning for pale with pawllux which yknow, im not a hundred purrcent sure hes rehabilitated but like! :33 < the fact that he asked for help at all is like meownumental so im willing to give him the benefit of the doubt if aradias vouching for him :33 < theres also some of the regular rebels too!! like, that r33ly weird yellow, golese, hes definitely got some sort of red inklings with the other interrogatormentor rescue that attacked sollux, vitzii?? :33 < miss trisia is hardcore gunning red with solluxs former interrogatormentor pawtner and isnt even shy about it :33 < golese has let slip that one of the seadweller rebels that has b33n out a lot on missions has pale inklings towards that vitzii guy too but like. im not sure hes like. fixed up enough to really care which is kind of tragic for his suitors!! :// :33 < i havent s33n golese come back from his last mission though and his meowrail has b33n almost climbing up the walls its kinda rankling the mewd :33 < as fur me... w3333ll :33 < i uhhh used to have a crush on karkat but like :33 < i grew out of it obviously ;33 < i purrsonally dont like to kiss and tell but fefuri and aradia are r33ly cuddly ;33 < i would say thats my otp but that could be construed as biased ;33 < also id be categorically incorrect since its truly an ot3!! h33h33
#homestuck#homestuck au#askblog#nepeta leijon#interrogatormentors#interrogatormentors au#mod rune: fixed a missing bit of text that apparently got deleted#alas
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normal family<3
#dont worry about buddy theyre fiiine#for some reason i really like drawing him on the ground like that. its therapeutic#my art#my funky guys#tashi and soup both need a fucking break#like when i talk about tashi i say stuff like 'hes trying his best and hes so supportive of everyone :)'#and dont get me wrong HE IS#but hes also sleep deprived and tired and done w/ everyones shit#nd was completely unprepared for any of this#also he doesnt know what the fuck is happening most of the time#dont even get me started on soup.#she KNOWS what she went trough as a gladiator was fucked up#...buuut she thinks that its all irrelevant now that shes out of there#sweetie bestie my beloved. thats not how trauma works..#(i have so much unposted funky guys art. i should prolly post it...)
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really fun parallels between Minami & Nishida in which one guy who wants most of the fights he gets into generally has a bit of a dodgy win/lose ratio, meanwhile the other who has only ever welcomed one single fight in his life is the more violently competent
#ikildaman shut the fuck up#incoming tag rant whoops#nishida (rgg)#minami daisaku#and also the one fight Nishida ever welcomed was one that he lost too#to be fair it Was with Goro Fucking Majima like hes Going to lose. but still#it could also be 2 for 2 if you count the time he went on strike for majima construction where majima once again beat his ass#at least that fight was worth fighting!#its a bit of a stretch on Minami's side maybe but i've definitely always headcanoned him as being first in the water so to speak#i always thought his job was like. related to corralling the juniors. like its a misnomer title sort of. so in that environment it makes#sense. he knows what the ppl around him are/arent capable of and it'd be his responsibility to not get them majorly hurt killed et ceteras#if hes collateral though its fair game#cant experience shitty boss dad disappointment punishment so on and so forth if youre dust! win#but also i wholly believe its an ego thing esp if its related to sparring w Majima. i just know that guy fights his own men#more like Jumping them tbh Sparring has too much mutual respect implied in the act#if thrs an opportunity to lock horns with the boss Minami is all over it. this is the most attention hes had in months and it sustains him#and its definitely shortened his lifespan while he was at it#although he never wins (re: Goro Fucking Majima) but i have to wonder how well he fairs with anybody else#he managed to sweep a bunch of Saejimas friends ig. Not Saejima himself but thats obvious Saejima could punt him across the room#insert 'i read saejima throwing him across the room and got so hard i threw up' joke here etc#the fight with Akiyama didnt happen that was a fluke he doesnt exist. blah blah blah cope and seetheage#if we're gna powerscale my unironic stance is he'd put aki in the ground#& should have. & did. to me. yay. heart. okay heart
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preemptively sorry for how fucking long this is it is YOUR FAULTT THOUGH!!!! large bowl of seeds for u. it is almost 2am sorry.
SO. there are. two ways to assign the prime defenders powers etc. the first way is just, like, categorize their existing powersets within the prt framework, & the second is to give them entirely new abilities based on the way worm works. delightfully, all the powers they Do have work really well for the most part, so even that doesn't require a ton of shuffling.
categorizing their pre-existing powers:
wiwi-- breaker w/ a shaker subclass. neither of them rated very high, but that's already a rare and versatile enough combination!!
dakota-- brute babeeeey!!! brute/mover its so straightforward. hell yeah babey. i don't know what he'll end up looking like post-heart removal & stuff but my guess is that'll end up looking more like a mover/striker.
vyncent-- now THIS one gave me trouble. i... hm. to say this without talking about stuff that i don't think has come up much already, (hey!! you're at that clockblocker pov! directly related to what flechette says!) i'd call him a grab-bag cape, irt the greats at least. post-greats-- again, i don't know what his powerset will look like after this arc! but if he's going all in w/ the fire magic, that would for sure be some striker shit! :]]]
giving them new powers... man i'm reining myself in so hard from five more paragraphs on Why exactly i'm saying all this.
wiwi still breaker for sure, maybe breaker-master, maybe master-stranger. yknow. powers are fluid, the prt categories are pretty rigid. i... don't know. enough about his situation yet to be clearer than that vague idea yet-- i really like the idea of him just. ditching his body & using a noncorporeal form but he still has to keep an eye on his body i think that's great. the noncorporeal form would b able to change its visibility but still b limited by proximity to the body. & fluctuating energy shit powered by fluctuating amounts of recent-death in the area, maybe probably also limited in that it's only accessible in his breaker form.... also i think u will appreciate this style note from the [UNNAMED PARAHUMANS TTRPG] i'm referencing a lot here.
dakota--in this situation he probably would not. have that mechanical heart and shit. he' would still be a mover/thinker-- thinker rating is for faster mental processing + senses imminent pain for the people in his immediate vicinity. not danger, just pain; it immediately registers ambiently & can be generally traced back to whoever it is. no he can't turn it off ever, it manifests as feeling a similar level of pain, yes it works on himself. + mover-- he can fucking fly. no super strength, just very fast flight & the general "won't splat himself flying into something" capabilities, which meshes well w/ the faster processing & reflexes. i'm split on how exactly this would work mechanically but i will NOT go into that now. i am also not going into the 15k discussion in my brain on why dakota 'notoriously bad at thinking about things' cole would be a thinker but u gotta trust the process ok??
vyncent-- trump!!!! somehow this is the only straightforward one to me? he can copy powers at the full strength or ability level of the original for an unspecified amount of time that's usually 1-30 minutes by touching the cape. crucially, he doesn't have any edge on how to use these powers + can easily misuse or become extremely overwhelmed by them. he's easily the most powerful out of the three of them <33
ashe-- ashe is NOT HERE currently and also it's 1:30 am so i gotta go fucking sleep soon BUT they would be a master. easy. :o) they can make some lil guys n do stuff with them!!!!
in general these are pretty fucking cracked abilities, all of them would b oosely above a seven or so in a number rating once they're really settled in their powers-- this is mostly because i'm assuming that they would still be heirs-apparent to the prime force equivalent, which would b the triumvirate :]] anyway. good lord. this is like the cliff notes edition of what i've been thinking and scribbling in the notes app for the past several hours. sorry if it's fucking incomprehensible. gn!!! <333
AAAAAH FUCK YESSSSSS OKAY OKAY OKAY my response is probably going to be equally as long. so it's fine. oooouh buddy.
I KNOW WHAT BREAKER MEANS NOW !!! I dontttt think ive learned shaker yet. breaker is like.... breaking the laws of physics/shifting planes or whatever. PERFECT for william hell yes. for putting them actually in worm world ... ughhhh breaker/master william is REALLY cool. I havwnt learned stranger yet but i think he would develop a complex over being classified as stranger <3 (like how weld doesn't like that he's classified as a brute even though that's not exactly what it means, he just doesn't like the word) . GODDDD just thinking abt putting pd boys in worm is fucking me up haven't they been through enough. I want to see them all in a fit of despair. william ditching his body is SO good I miss when he would do that, also the powers being limited by how far away he is AND THE AMOUNT OF RECENT DEATH IN THE AREA. holy shit. that's so fucking good . im sure he would not overthink at all the fact that he is stronger when more people around him have died . I'm sure he'd do awesome in the leviathan fight for sure for sure .
DAKOTA BRUTE <3 DAKOTA BRUTE/MOVER I LOVE THIS A LOTTTTTT hellbyes. awesome. it's so perfect for him <3 worm world I'm SURPRISED u didn't stick with brute for him. eyes emoji. I trust your judgement but now i am Thinking... Hmm..... YOU BRING INTO QUESTION something I have been thinking about. and I'm going to probably get derailed a little here but stay with me. how the way powers manifest directly relate to the trigger event. because for a WHILE before we learned taylors I was like "OH i bet the powers are going to be directly related to what traumatic thing happened to them" and then we learn about taylor and grue and a couple more and I kind of lost that theory because while you can. technically draw relations between their powers and their events it seemed like too much of a stretch to do . HOWEVER now my thinking has changed AGAIN and I think the powers ARE related to specific trigger events but it's not as straightforward as "oh something scary happened to you with bugs so now you have bug powers" I think it's gonna be more complicated than that. WHICH. THE WAY THIS RELATES. BACK ON TOPIC NOW. to DAKOTA . assuming his trigger event is still he and katori falling off the building I think it's AWESOME that his powers would manifest as FLIGHT for one. and the fucking. pain sense thing. fuck me up. dakota extreme hero complex cole would be so fucked up by a power where he ambiently senses pain from the people around him at all times and cannot turn it off. I'm sure he would feel so normal about being around william chronic pain wisp 24/7. also I can SO CLEARLY imagine how this power specifically would lead to him getting super overwhelmed in chaotic situations like he does in canon. and just fucking. bolt out of there because it's too much. again. he'd have such a wonderful time in the leviathan fight
I AM AT CLOCKBLOCKER POV !!!! actually technically I'm on kid win pov now but I haven't finished his chapter yet. vyncent grab bag cape..... yeah... I think it would be EXTREMELY funny imagining the PRT in pd world trying 2 classify vyncent like. what the fuck does this kid do . what do we do with him. hes got other guys in his head that give him powers. is he a master??? no he can't fucking control them. is he a striker??? only SOMETIMES. is he a blaster?? AGAIN ONLY SOMETIMES. cannot classify him bitch!!!!!!!! giving him worm powers though.. UGH. being able to touch someone and COMPLETELY copy their powers but only for a short period of time???? I fucking love that a lot. he WOULD be the most powerful out of them!!! I can hear taylors inner analysis dialogue about him now and it's very similar to the clockblocker "DONT LET HIM.TOUCH YOU" panic. loooove imagining this playing off of the rest of pd,,, i know there was AT LEAST one time where he had william sort of transfer some of his ghost powers for a minute? I think it was during the lich fight in the theatre but i just remember vycnent floating and going intangible and NOT KNOWING how to control it or anything. loveeee that. in world dynamics I feel like vyncent would be a late addition to their team (instead of coming from another world maybe he just. had his trigger event happen way later than the other two..or something.) and not trusting them as much at first/being REALLY shaky using either of their powers but after a while being really comfortable in a fight with using either Williams or dakotas powers in a fight. Just like. imagining the fluidity of how they'd work together in a tense situation assuming they're not being complete dumbasses <3333 UGH it's really good
AAAASHE ASHE ASHE IM SOOO SO GLAD YOU INCLUDED ASHE IN THIS I miss him.so much every day. from what I know so far master involves having/making/controlling some sort of minion (cannot think of a better word than that rn) AND I THINK THATS REALLYYYY perfect for ashe. i assume he would actually work pretty closely to canon in that his limitation would be the book? or if he doesn't have the book maybe his limitation would be a) having only a few different types of things he could summon (the big hand, the water fairy, duck etc) and/or b) only being able to control them.for a short amount of time after they're summoned so he has to be quick about dismissing them. can't keep the demon hand around for too long or it might start picking things up and throwing them at random. putting teammates in danger bc he can't control it anymore etc etc. alsooooooo in clockblocker pov they VERY briefly mentioned the possibility of having secondary trigger events (?!!!!?!?!) and you know I locked onto that SO FUCKING HARD. ashe being born with powers and then his secondary trigger event being his mom's death <3 im.NOT even going to attempt to talk about how the trickster would work in worm world/if it would even exist in this setting bc i don't know enough about the types of powers and things yet..but just know. I am keeping this in the back of my mind "this is a fun surprise tool that will help us later" style
#also side note but can i say. thw whole time i was reading the leviathan fight a persistent thought in the back of my mind was#“man i really wish they had a cape here who could control water- THEY NEED TIDE... THEY NEED TIDE SO BAD”#so like..really normal about putting prime defenders SPECIFICALLY in the leviathan fight. teehee (<< most diabolical laugh youve ever heard#I HAVE A LOT MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT WILLIAM TOO BUT..HMMMMMMMMM DONT THINK I CAN SAY SOME OD THEM YET#EXTREMELY interested 2 see whether ur thoughts on specifically him and dakota#will change after both the training arc and certain other events <3#hehehehehehehee#GOD I CANNOT STOP IMAGINING. PD IN WORM.WORLD. they would suffer so fucking badly man.#william wisp guilt complex about his powers turned up to 200#HAVING A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT ASHE ALSOOOOO . AS ALWAYS#now that i know more abt power classes i am VERY confidently going to put mark down as a tinker/striker.#with the tinker rating being SLIGHTLY higher than striker bc he uses the things he makes to amplify his naturally weaker striker powers.#tiiiiiide im thinkingggg would be. whats the elemental one.#not breaker bc thats specifically about breaking physics and i dont think that works for him.#is it shaker?????? i dknt think ive learned shaker yet.#U ARE MORE EQUIPPED AT THIS THAN ME whats tide. tide would also for sure be a case 53 right. i havent exactly learned what that means yet#but im assuming its the whole artifically giving people powers thing and. thats tide baby. idk if clones would work in worm world#so maybe its him and his regular siblings all being specifically given elemental powers#so they could work together as some super crazy powerful team. and then. that Doesnt happen <3#(idk if u have listened to the tide oneshot yet but. its good. if you ignore dodgeboy)#ANYWAY. i should start getting ready for work now. im having so many thoughts about this norlw#hollyyyyyy shit#infected my brain with worms (pun intended)#asks#friends!!!#intertexts#wormposting#jrwi pd#<< only tagging so i can find this later when i learn more and can properly yell about it#new haven wards
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..
#ash rambles 💚#negative#part of it is definitely the weather#it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed#but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today#im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up#and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see#me as more than a friend and other stuff like that#i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and#i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that#if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore#what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked#to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s#just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me#being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO#I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot#and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as#though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and#i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA#holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always#bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles#(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if#I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later#i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..
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the brief mention that 1.3 leonard could still be feeling some deep lingering grief over his brothers' deaths still never fails to fascinate me tbh like, does he think of the standards he must have lost since their passing and feel guilt? or does he see them in every child he abuses??? does he keep his grief to himself or does he find it a useful anecdote to what must be a countless number of families dealing with loss??? does the green dragon know? does he confide in it????? since leonard seems to be aware of what arioch lost to the union, just how aware is/was she in what HE lost???????? did they have a role in each other's loss? is THAT where their beef came from??????? im going to merge into a wall
#gu6chan's musings#drakengard#drag on dragoon#leonard drakengard#drag on dragoon 1.3#drakengard 1.3#on the other hand; i've been obsessed over the idea of doing the 'nothing in life matters 😔' (DOD1) 'nothing in life matters 😎' (DOD1.3)#meme with them because of this#still... why would they give us the base concepts for the 1.3 cast but literally none of the depth for 98% of them (angelus is excused lmao#like you're going to make them edgier okay BUT THESE ARE STILL THE SAME PEOPLE???? WHAT PUSHED THEM TO THAT BC IT CAN'T JUST BE A 'DIFFEREN#TIMELINE DIFFERENT PERSONALITY' THING OTHERWISE YOU LOSE ANY SENSE OF “self” THEY HAD IN THEIR CHOICES IN THE DOD1 TIMELINE ENTIRELY#there HAS to be SOMETHING that made them like this... well caim we pretty much see it#BUT LEONARD AND FURIAE?????? i still stand by it; they fucking took the dragon-blood pill too i just KNOW they did#but that still doesnt answer what the fuck went on with him and arioch#the boring but most STRAIGHTFORWARD answer would probably be something among the lines of#'Oh well she came to the village and he had to drive her out after realising she was literally insane and she's been waiting to get back in#ever since. leonard just kinda knew about the dead relatives bc thats everyone'#but i dont like that explanation as much as the idea that they KNEW because they had some INVOLVEMENT when it happened#(likely unintentional.... maybe? 👀)#also why the fuck does the prologue just casually mention leonard was part of the union but literally never brings up why he's midgard's#most wanted by the time the truly diseased takes place and what led him to (presumably) abandoning it to begin with#....WAS IT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE DEATH OF ARIOCH'S FAMILY???? HUH??????#ngl im entering conspiracy mode with this but being honest#it almost seems in character and MAKES SENSE that him having something to do with the death of/possible killing of arioch's family would#drive him to where he is by the time TTD takes place#think about it!!! leonard joins the union; ends up driving a woman to literal insanity after involving himself with the death of her family#the guilt causes him to leave the union and seek a life of atonement helping OTHER families whose lives were torn apart by the war/union;#his brothers are possibly killed during his defection??? maybe??? something something#arioch seeks his ass out and spends her time waiting to feed on the village/semi-subconsciously maybe waiting to ruin everything he's worke#for....
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Thinking about my Rook hours </3
#i did not mean to get so attached to this character so immediately#but god the scenes with harding and taash and solas have given me so much to chew on#like. first of all raised in the mournwatch as an orphan fully removed from her culture as a qunari#but also being very aware she didnt look like any of the other young mournwatch recruits and there was something Different about her#being genuinely invested in the work they do but also being so afraid to step out of line and be ousted#only for that to exactly happen the one time she pushed back against the nobility#then she's throwing herself into her new job helping varric search the realms for solas#and suddenly because of a call she made he's too weak to fight and she has solas in her head telling her how badly she fucked everything up#and she just feels so small and worthless#but no. she cant let her emotions get anyone else hurt#fuck solas. fuck him for trying to pin this on her.#as a matter of fact fuck anyone trying to undermine her while she's doing what needs to be done#she sees how harding is blaming herself for what happened and she tells her she cant blame herself#'blame me' she says secretly in her head#'im the reason you got hurt'#but she knows harding would see right through her#so she puts on a happy face for her and stays optimistic when she starts showing signs of being the first dwarf to cast magic#but deep inside rook is panicking because what if something is changing her harding? what if something is going to take her away from her?#she compensates by trying to seem as laid back as possible#and then they meet emmrich and rook is launched back into her mournwatch mindset#she stands up straighter and uses bigger fancier words to keep up with the professor#and harding calls her on it and suddenly she realizes how much shes been compartmentalizing everything#fully shifting her personality around her friends based on what she thinks they need#she realizes with horror that solas of all people has seen the most unfiltered version of her#the version that is angry and frustrated with how unfair everything is#but is also very aware that no matter what she does she will be seen as a villain in the eyes of some#simply because she cannot save everyone#and then she hangs out with taash and sees someone who also compartmentalizes to hell and seems like. okay about it#and taash doesnt need anyone to take care of them. sihu feels oddly relaxed around their no-nonsense approach to socialization#datv spoilers
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Listen I accepted my bisexuality and thus opened up the avenue of m/f shipping but in a queer way. Largely poly and/or bi4bi kinds of ways. But mostly m/f shipping where I actually delve into their emotions and see what really makes them tick.
It was always the shallow m/f shipping that I had a problem with. The "he's a boy and she's a girl, so of course they'd end up together" kind of thing. Given actual proper emotional development with their relationship, though...
Then Maybe.
#speculation nation#u just gotta convince me. ok.#so maybe im thinking about Sasuke/Naruto/Sakura rn and i know that is not the common thought.#but the huge narusaku shipper that i was at 13 is asking it of me.#and also the fact that when i rewatched the original naruto this time. i Did see the basis for sasusaku.#but like. not what canon tries to tell me about it. or what most of the common shippers of it would think.#the thing of like. if gender was ignored. what would things be like between them?#not romantically attached because hes a boy and shes a girl. but because there was actual trust and respect between them.#of course then shippuden happens. and then boruto fucking butchers all the female characters anyways.#i think my problem with canon sasusaku is that it falls back on that simple shallow 'love'#it doesnt show sasuke actually loving her in return. it just kinda... happens.#kishimoto doesnt know how to write an actual love story when he tries. especially not a straight one.#but he stumbled into an absolutely life changing homoerotic one between the two 'rivals'#i think if sakura was treated with the same level of respect and emotional complexity. it could work quite well.#ultimately though im just rambling about what i wish could exist.#oh canon... the horrid beast that you are...
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i am once again thinking about the missed opportunities of a garth and jackson mentor/mentee brother in arms relationship
#OUGH#dc stop trying to write garth out of the aquafam challenge intentionally whiffed#they hate him sooo much it makes them look stupid#alhgd#its genuinely insane to me how dc writers are incapable of showing garth caring about the aquafam and the titans at the same time#insane#but anyway#OUGHHHHHH#what couldve been...#its just INSANE how garth immediately gave this random teen he just met like five minutes ago his entire ass name#and then never talked to him ever again like i simply do not believe you#and while i still dont Like rebirth garth i feel like being put into more a mentor role Especially while he's Actively with the titans !!!!#would be really good for him!#and like dont get me wrong im perfectly fine with jackson being the next aquaman i actually prefer that#However its like dc doesnt realize that he can be close to and respect both of them#theyre giving him this Super Cute brother sister relationship with andy and its !! amazing !!#but i also cant help but Scream a little cause ohmygod why are we pretending garth never existed#why are we pretending that garth would ignore this teen boy with family issues who needs a safe place to learn and live !#why are we pretending that jackson wouldnt talk to him or ask him for advice or At Least bitch to him when arthurs being arthur !!#insane to me absolutely mental up the whazoo#all of their interactions are so awkward and feel so coworker and eeewwwwggg i hate it#im not saying that every New person needs to be immediately treated like family#but also come the fuck on its GARTH he's not icing out the new kid !!!!!!!!#swear to god garth has had more full blown conversations with tusky than he has with jackson#while jackson is def still underappreciated at dc theyve still managed to give him some really amazing well thought out#relationships with the rest of the aquafam#and its so weird to me that they seem so insistent on garth not being part of that#when he's consistently one of the most loyal members of the fam anyway#i just Know the two of them could be really close if dc would let it happen... they will not give it to me though..... the scoundrels......
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venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
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once again thinking about my post-trimax legato somehow miraculously survives despite everything au and vashgato agenda aka The Worlds Most Miserable Roadtrip
#one of these days ill get back to it#its the fucking. anger and hatred and loathing from legato @ vash#because legato and vashs entire dynamic is fucking#legato has lain down on the tracks. and he doesnt want to be saved. he needs vash to be the train that runs him over.#and then he lives. somehow. he missed his chance to die.#he had no reason to live. his one reason to carry on was for a cause he fully intended to die for and then he couldnt even do that#mirrored by vash. who also went into that confrontation with knives fully intending to not make it out#and now the world is saved! knives failed and now hes gone. and thats a whole fucking thing to unpack for everyone#the fucking anger. the grief. the whole fuckin mess of contradictory emotions that happens as a result of abuse from a family member w vash#fucking Everything wrt legato. the devastation of knowing knives is gone + he failed + legato lived + *vash* lived#the slowwwwwww realization over a long long period of time that legato worshipped the ground knives walked on#but knives only ever regarded legato with like. the same way someone might an ant. a bug. maybe a dog.#legato who only ever wanted to be Seen by knives#and knives who never particularly cared for legato beyond his usefulness#legato who begins following vash because its probably what knives would want + there is truly nothing else on this planet for him.#he has no other reason to live#and vash allowing him out of some sense of pity / resignation + being able to see that theres Nothing left for legato#+ probo some sense of obligation too. of heres another person his brother fucked up. which means hes vash’s responsibility to fix#all the while legato resents vash for living when knives isnt here. resents him for failing to kill him.#resents him for being the only other thing that knives actually cared about + who rejected knives when all legato ever wanted#was knives’ attention#and vash who frankly resents legato too. resents the fact that. of all the people who managed to survive. it was legato and not ww#resents all the shit that legato put him through. all the people he killed all the suffering he inflicted#the two of them looking at each other and the fucking. recognition of the self thru the other#and seeing all the shit they hate about themselves in the other#theres also again the shared grief of them both losing someone incredibly important to them both but who was also responsible for some#abuse to Both of them. unpacking it. working through it. moving forward.#learning How to move forward as a Whole when theyre both two deeply traumatized deeply suicidal fucks who no longer have the singular goals#thatve been their sole reason for existing for the past. many. years. and having to find new reasons to keep living#but most of all. i think they should make out sloppy in the desert thank you goodnight
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something is definitely wrong with me but she's (jennifer) just like me fr
#mecore#i would treat the bad stuff happening to me as a spectacle actually#like the time i got assaulted. my first thoughts after its over was 'god damnit my favorite song was on when he almost raped me'#while also thinking im a fucking awesome ninja for not freezing up like last time i was assaulted (i was 12)#or that time i had to piss in a bag because my job basically doesnt allow bathroom breaks#'wow im living the omorashi fantasy! and everyone who is actually into piss was concerned i went through such a thing & i just didnt get it#i conveyed my feeling of being mentally stuck forever in the house i was growing up in where i was traumatized the most as#hahahaha my house is haunting me im such a ghost girl and its so hardcord that a part of my limbs are buried under the floors that place#and many many instances of me treating all of my personal traumas as a spectacle to behold like a fictional story to gawk at#and all of the times i fetishized my own assault and traumas and made it as fuel for strangers to jerk off to#i was on another stage of deflection#i did admit bad things happen to me but i treat it as a joke or i hyperdramatized it so people didnt know it actually hurts or triggering#i've been getting better about it but still. what i dont write in this blog. what i dont tell to other ppl could fill a library
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There’s so much I love about Jack Stauber’s Opal but one thing that hits really hard is the depiction of the father, and the way emotional abuse and neglect is portrayed. He’s got the most abstract design, being constantly surrounded by mirrors as a way of showing how he’s so insecure about how he looks and behaves that he’s become insanely self absorbed and can’t see anything other than himself. And as he talks to Claire he’s really just monologging while constantly tripping over his own words and projecting his insecurities onto her absolutely unprompted. You can also see the way he views himself as a savior, the way he pats himself on the back for taking time to talk to his daughter, the way the man he sees in the mirror looks much prettier than the real thing, the fact he says god is in his skin and he’s granting the world its next new savior. All while not letting Claire talk, all while spending the whole conversation invested in himself, all while doing nothing to stop the grandfather from harming her and even getting upset when she runs away, asking if she knows how it makes him feel. It’s too damn real
#the klock keeps ticking#opal#jack stauber#the way hes just so insanely insecure and has clearly been abused before too but doesnt really unpack it reminds me so much of my mom#and the way he just forces claire to listen to his monologue and calls himself a savior just for like#talking to her even though he doesnt pay an ounce of attention to whats happening in her life#just like my dad#and he just like. knows hes the ‘good’ one in the house like he knows claire trusts him most#and he thinks that just makes him so special that he doesnt have to do anything#and in claires fantasy her dad is for once just looking at her and not himself#its a depiction of abuse i never see even though its like very common and its done in such a cool clever way#feels validating as hell and also like fuck that guy and everyone else in that house i hate them 👺#give claire a better home and a burger#godddd ive seen opal so many times i am eating it its so good and so catered to me#but god its hits really hard too i get chills every time
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how do i explain to my grandma that sometimes our brains are fucking idiots who come up with nonsense bullshit scenarios that could never happen in a million years and we shouldn't worry about those scenarios and you just gotta tell your fucking idiot brain to shut the fuck up and leave you alone
#this woman is scared for my fucking life and i'm like. in line at the dmv#like idk why but she had it in her head that the nurse doing my t-shot today was just going to Absolutely fuck me up#the first one i got done by a really amazing nurse who'd been doing work for most of our family for Decades#she's no longer practicing now however so her colleague took over. WE ALSO KNOW HIM. we've gotten help from him before Many Times#SHE GOT HELP FROM HIM BARELY A MONTH AGO WHEN SHE GOT HAND SURGERY#she knows him. we've had him do bloodwork & other at-home care stuff for us since i was like. 6.#HE'S GOOD. HE'S A TRAINED FUCKING NURSE WHO HAS BEEN PRACTICING FOR DECADES#A.... AN INJECTION IS THE MOST BASIC THING A NURSE CAN DO.#there was NO REASON to believe he would do it wrong. And Yet. she calls me with panic in her voice#like SO ARE YOU OK DID HE DO IT WELL DOES IT HURT CAN YOU WALK gdkkdkdkdk OF COURSE I CAN WALK#WHAT???#''BUT IF YOUR MOM WAS AT WORK DOES THAT MEAN YOU WERE ALONE WITH HIM??'' YEAH???? SO????????#WHAT????????#and she fucking gets Sick worrying about. weird little scenarios that are pure brain-fiction. and like#grams that's not good for Anyone and especially not you like you NEED#to learn to tell your brain ''LEAVE ME ALONE'' and like.#tell the difference between a reasonable fear about a real risk that could actually happen#vs JUST PLAIN GARBAGE THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE
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