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palskippah · 1 day ago

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A-in Goldenloin: This is my beautiful wife, Atenea. And this is our kinda ugly son, Ambrosius ✨✨

Hi! Here's some ideas for the headcanons I've got about Ambrosius' parents!

Under the cut is written stuff and a couple more of drawings :]

-(Btw, A-in jokes about Ambrosius being ugly as hell as a baby, but he's just bald. The rest of him is very pretty in her opinion 😭)

-Atenea Goldenlight was obviously famous from being a Gloreth's Descendant. She's tall, a knight, has long blond hair that flows with wind that comes from nowhere, and also has a twin brother (Amadeus), who's not a knight but has equally nice, physics-defying hair and tallness and Gloreth-ness (they're the Goldenlight Twins).

>Btw sort of based their design on this concept art of Ambrosius from early Nimona development by sangjunart.

-A-in Moonloin was the daughter of someone important in business idk, and Atenea's father presented her to his son Amadeus in hopes of them clicking, and they just got along but A-in really liked his sister, so she started pursuing Atenea instead (Amadeus couldn't have cared less, since he wasn't interested in any romantic relationship to begin with and it's happy for both his sister and his new friend).

BRO LIKE THAT AUDIO OF this thingy, it's in Spanish and I don't know if it's available in English but it goes like this:

A-in: Do you like chicken? Amadeus: No. A-in: And curry? Amadeus: Neither. A-in: Then you won't like what I did. Amadeus: Chicken and curry? A-in: No, I banged your sister.

-Anyways when they marry and have to sign down their family name, both are like, hey, you know what would be really funny? And so they're the Goldenloins instead of the Moonlights.

>Alternatively, Gloreth's descendants' family names always start with Golden, nevermind if the other option was nicer, just to keep the majestic bit of their legacy (or because Gloreth's last name started with Golden-), but that's sadder and I don't like it, even if it makes more sense.

>Also if that were the case then Ambrosius would've liked to go against the family tradition and do Boldloin instead of Goldenheart with Ballister but Goldenheart is just prettier, and Ballister really wanted to share Ambrosius' last name too, and not for them both to just be Boldheart (bc it's cool to mesh together their names to make their family idk).

-The Goldenloins start gaining popularity, and Amadeus uses that as his chance to finally get out of the spotlight and goes:

>You're on your own now, sister (he's fed up of being part of the Goldenlight Twins thing).

-Neither woman had really been in an urge to have children, despite Atenea and her twin bro growing up with the 'Gloreth's legacy' stuff (meaning that they must continue it when they became adults). Atenea liked the life she led, and A-in enjoyed only worrying about work (bit of a workaholic) and her wifey (and family).

>But Atenea's father (Artemas) was insisting, since his daughter had already been married for years, that they gave them at least one descendant, since his son didn't seem to even have the intention of marrying or dating anyone that Artemas sent his way.

>And A-in's parents also were like, c'mon, when the kid? >:c and A-in was like, I'm just 27, you want me to have a teenage pregnancy? >:(

>Anyways, couple of years later they're convinced, and Atenea asks her bro if he's willing to be their sperm donor, and he's like YES WOO because he won't have to have any kids himself if his sister already gives their family a descendant.

>When he's told that A-in is pregnant he's very happy for them (but especially himself), very supportive and stuff.

-About names, since nearly every member in Atenea's family got a name starting with A, during a family dinner Amadeus says, wouldn't it be funny if you named your child with A too? since A-in got the A too.

>And then:

Atenea: We won't name them over such a silly thing, c'mon >:( A-in: Actually, I like the idea :) Atenea (folding immediately): Okay❤️yay❤️

>(Ambrosius' let's name our baby something with C so we're A, B and C, came from that bit of his family)

>And then they got the nicely meaningful name Ambrosia when they thought they were having a girl, then when the baby came out being a boy they were like, huh, Ambrosius it is then, I guess :/

-Ambrosius bald baby supremacy, also I like the idea of the dying his hair and all that that implies, of course, but also the idea of him just being born with the blond hair. In here it was more golden when he was a baby and started getting lighter with the years bc I fucked up and painted his hair too light already but I don't really want to change his color palette 😭

-Ambrosius often confused Atenea and Amadeus since they're twins, either was mama for a long time, until it finally settled in his brain that the shorter-haired mama was Uncle Amadeus.

>Amadeus cut his hair shorter just to say, short=Uncle and long=Mama, and then he ended up liking the hairstyle, so he kept it that way for a long time.

>Also they're fraternal twins but look nearly identical anyways shdjfhs for plot reasons

-Ambrosius is by no means over protected, by his parents at least, because the workers in their home definitely are overly careful with the baby, and then the toddler, and then the child, and so-on, because no one wants to find out what would happen if the youngest Gloreth Descendant got hurt.

>Both A-in and Atenea are overly chill about their son, knowing that the workers in their house do their best to take good care of him, but their parents are less forgiving and stuff, especially Artemas, with the whole Gloreth Descendant thing.

>Baby Ambrosius could be crawling and accidentally fall on his face, and both A-in and Atenea would burst out laughing, going, HAH the kid fell! while pointing at him (only if their baby is clearly not hurt), and since he sees that his mothers aren't getting scared nor worried, Ambrosius himself takes his falls with humor.

>But when he's with a servant, they'd definitely go D: and in turn scaring him and making him cry.

-Both A-in and Atenea are usually too busy, but they still try to make some time for Ambrosius or bring their work home so they can at least be near their baby. And sometimes they bring their baby to work because why not.

>Like there's Sir Goldenloin carrying in her arm a very small, blond and nearly bald baby, while talking with her team, or doing a photoshoot and there's Ambrosius somewhere being cooed at by the working team.

>Or there's Mrs. Goldenloin with a baby carrier on her and her baby's head resting on her chest as he sleeps, or shooshing people in the office when they're being too loud. Also, there's Ambrosius too being cooed at by her subordinates during lunch breaks.

-When Ambrosius' older, both of his moms get more responsibilities and have even less time, so now he doesn't get to see them much, until is night, and sometimes he's already asleep when they get home.

>But weekends are totally for him, so he's always looking forward to them.

>Then he enters the academy to be a knight and he sees them only on breaks and special occasions, and he misses them very much, especially because his classmates seem to not like him much, for whatever reason that he doesn't understand (Gloreth Descendant reasons), but then he gets closer to the new kid (Ballister) and since no one else seems to like Ballister either, they get along well.

>That thing is from a post I saw that explained it well but I cannot find it pipipi when I do, I'll link it here.

I've got a few more headcanons with Ambrosius being older and I want to make some drawings for it but I already lost interest in the matter for the time being sjdfkj so I'll leave it here!

(also wanna acknowledge the languages in the family and traditions and so many stuff but I've got no energy for that sdjfks like the tradition of korean babies choosing an object in front of them, like I imagine the Gloreth-side family hoping very very hard he crawls towards the tiny sword instead of the book or paint brush or the other stuff laid there djfkd I really gotta research how the tradition actually works bc I'm naming random objects sorry 😭) (In the other post I plan to make I'll talk about that pipipi)

Hopefully I'll make another post for the rest of headcanons, but that's it for now! :D

#nimona #ambrosius goldenloin #my art #Goldenloin family that I made up you're everything to me #Actually they were supposed to be neglectful parents #You know I did write a post with them being pretty neglectful but it made me really sad so I wrote this one instead djfkdfjd #I've redesigned them so many times #poor ladies #I'm not 100% happy with these designs either but they're good enough sdfjkdsf #just posting this because I have to work on other stuff and it won't let me work in peace if I know that the draft is just there djfkdfj #the clothes are from some concept art drawings from I can't remember which artist from Nimona #pipipi

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mapoeggplant · 3 days ago

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skip to loafer chapter 66 analysis // spoilers

the school trip is over, but the changes are not yet: chapter 66 is full of cute moments that remind us how skip to loafer likes to treat its characters with great affection, leading them to a much brighter and gentle future.

i really love chapters like this one, where we have the famous “conversation between the girls vs conversation between the boys”. it’s very clear to me how sensei has fun using a lot of the adolescence and innocence of her characters to explore such cute and fun moments like this one, and i'm very grateful for that.

i think there is nothing better than starting the discussion by focusing on the girls! it is so good to see the four of them so comfortable with each other. this moment of them all together sharing a bed reminded me a lot of when they all went to mitsumi's hometown and gossiped all night. it is cute moments like these that we will remember forever as we grow up and lose the freedom we had when we were young, so i am very happy that they have the opportunity to experience something that they will carry inside their hearts for as long as they live.

i also really like seeing how mitsumi is gradually opening up and becoming more and more adventurous. i never would have imagined that such a responsible and rule-following girl would agree to meet her friends even after curfew. of course, it wouldn't be such a peaceful moment without the stress of finding one of the teachers on patrol, but the fact that mitsumi got carried away and ran away with the girls already shows how she has been letting herself be carried away by the lightness of life.

it's beautiful to see how they understand each other so well and are always willing to face anything together — and “together” has to be the highlighted word for this episode. just like makoto said, whether it's running through the hallways or getting scolded, what matters is that they are facing everything side by side, without leaving anyone behind.

meanwhile, in another room, shima is cornered by his friends, especially mukai, who knows exactly everything that has happened for some time now. seeing shima getting involved with mitsumi again awakens in him a concern that is both new and old: old because he has already had a similar conversation with shima and knows about all of his doubts and complex feelings; new because, for him, it is as if shima is once again getting involved in something selfishly and without thinking much about the consequences. what he did not expect is that shima has changed much more than he himself imagined.

it is very good and gratifying to see how shima has been changing so much in this last arc. he has been increasingly true to himself and increasingly builds a desire to change his own relationship with his past. in my opinion, i believe that he is not only looking for a way to forgive everything that happened to him and finally accept that he does not have to carry as much guilt as he believes, but that he also sees a new life in his future without having to be completely tied to what happened in his past. he no longer wants to hide everything that happened and wear a mask, but rather forgive what happened for the sake of a future where he can be the one he seeks to be.

and this is also reflected in the way he treats two people around him: mitsumi and his mother.

in the previous chapter, we had the chance to understand a little more about how shima understands his relationship with mitsumi and how he believes she sees/understands him. of course, there is still a very foggy barrier that makes it very difficult for him to truly understand and see everything with greater clarity, but little by little, i believe that the kindness that mitsumi sees in him will begin to be much stronger than the contempt he feels for himself, giving him the opportunity to take care of himself with more affection.

or rather: not only to himself, but also to everyone around him. and i believe that this has been happening little by little, since i see a lot of potential and growth in his plea to mukai, so that his friend will once again trust him and believe his words when he says that, from now on, he will no longer face his relationship with mitsumi with so much hesitation or fear.

now, the grand finale of this chapter, for me, involves the second person i mentioned earlier: shima finally manages to face his mother, but not in the way we readers expected. i always saw many people (myself included) expecting shima to face his mother in a much more firm and direct way, using the same aggressiveness and defensiveness that he used every time he talked to her before. i really believed that he would question everything she made him go through and would place much of the blame on her, but of course acting like that would make no sense after so many changes that shima has faced in the last few chapters.

inviting his mother to the next school festival not only shows that he is ready to start a new phase of his life with her, but it is also a way of showing her that he is much more willing to understand all of her reasons instead of questioning them aggressively. he no longer wants to keep their terrible relationship alive or point fingers, but rather to start something new and without so much pain, just like he did when he finally returned to the theater and found his passion again.

i believe that, from now on, there is a huge chance for shima's relationship with his family to improve and grow in a more positive way. i think that, in the future, we will finally have a chapter focused on his mother, where she opens her heart more to this son that she hurt so much, having a redemption arc for the sake of a healthier relationship with shima. i also think that we are close to seeing shima being even more open with little keiri, which fills my heart with joy.

and well, to finish, i think that all this change that we saw in volume 11, this hopeful beginning for volume 12 and the back cover of volume 11 being composed by chris and ririka, shows that these two will be the next people to have a greater focus, bringing even more light to shima's past and much more clarity so that he can walk towards a brighter future. this is all a guess, of course, but it would be perfect for me, since i love both of them and can’t wait to dissect them a little bit more.

well, i do believe i will talk more about chapter 66 before the release of chapter 67, but for now, that's all i have to say!!! thank you so much for reading and for having the patience with me, it means a lot 💛 don't forget to buy vol 11 and chapter 66 on comic days!!!!!

#skip to loafer #skip and loafer #shima sousuke #iwakura mitsumi #skip to loafer chapter 66 #skip to loafer spoilers #stl spoilers #skip and loafer spoilers #duckmetas

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captainsophiestark · 2 days ago

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Not On The Guest List

Platonic!Percy Jackson x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: Percy Jackson

Summary: An uninvited guest shows up to Percy and Annabeth's wedding. Luckily, Percy's mortal cousin is on the case.

Word Count: 1,456

Category: Fluff

A/N: One fic a week every Friday of 2024!! We freaking did it!!! Guys, I literally have no idea how I managed to pull this off. But I did! Woohoo!!! Also, this fic and this fic also feature Percy and his cousin having adventures, although you don't need to read either of them to enjoy this one.

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"Hey! How's it going in here?" I called, knocking on the door as I slowly pushed it open. My cousin and favorite person in the universe, Percy Jackson, called back in response.

"It's going good."

I pushed the door the rest of the way open to find him standing in the center of the room in his tux, looking perfectly polished. I grinned, then made a show of wiping tears out of the corners of my eyes. Percy rolled his eyes, but he was grinning all the same.

"My baby cousin's all grown up," I cried, crossing the room to wrap him in a big hug. He hugged me back, tight, and when we finally pulled apart we were both beaming. "Annabeth's gonna faint."

Percy just laughed and shook his head.

"If anybody's going to faint at this wedding, it'll be me. Or maybe Grover."

"I don't think anybody'd blame either of you."

Percy and I shared a smile, but before we could do anything else, the satyr in question came bursting into the room, looking more than a little panicked. He stopped short when he noticed me and Percy, glancing between the two of us like he really didn't know what to do.

"Grover?" asked Percy, taking a few steps forward. "What's wrong?"

"Uh..." He glanced to me again, then back to Percy. "Nothing! Just... a small problem."

"What is it?" said Percy. I stepped forward, too, trying to give Grover a reassuring smile.

"I'm happy to help, whatever it is the bride and groom need. We'll figure it out."

Grover didn't look any less nervous as he wrung his hands and looked between us. He'd probably been hoping to find one of the magical members of Percy's side of the wedding party, but I'd have to make do.

"It's just... I just saw He- the goddess of marriage outside."

"Hera's here?" demanded Percy, nearly shouting the words without a care for whether she'd notice the use of her name. I scowled, even as Grover seemed to get more and more nervous.

"I guess, since this is a half-blood wedding, she decided..."

Percy practically growled, and I saw a look of pure rage on his face directed at the Queen of Olympus. Probably, if he had to, he'd go out there and start a fight himself to keep her away from his and Annabeth's wedding. Luckily, he had the best cousin in the world to help him out, instead.

"I've got this," I declared, stepping forward and putting a hand on Percy's shoulder. "Leave this to me."

"Hold on..." said Percy, stopping me short as I started to head for the door. "Are you sure? I mean... she can cause all kinds of problems..."

"I know. I've heard all about the shit she's stirred for you and for Annabeth. But I'm mortal, and almost definitely not on her radar. Don't worry about it, Perce. I've got this."

I shot him a wink, then turned and booked it out of the room before either he or Grover could second guess me.

Thankfully, despite being mortal, it didn't take me long to locate Hera once I made it outside the wedding venue. She was practically glowing, and she was the only person in range who had a scowl on her face. I cleared my throat, straightened my shoulders, and shifted into character. Then, I rushed forward and grabbed the nearest person to Hera by the arm. I didn't know her, but I didn't need to for this to work.

"Did you hear?" I asked in a very loud stage whisper. The woman looked at me in absolute confusion, but I continued, just hoping she wouldn't say anything to ruin my play. "I just heard them talking, and they're calling off the wedding."

The woman in front of me gasped, and although I didn't dare look, I could feel Hera's attention shifting to me.

"I know! But it's done. It's like a curse or something, I swear. Everything's been going wrong, and they've been fighting for, like, the past hour. We're working on putting an announcement together for the guests, but like... this is not happening. We all thought they were bulletproof. Apparently not..."

The woman I'd started speaking to looked horrified, but she stopped mattering to me as Hera walked past us, a smirk on her face. Before she reached the corner of the venue, she disappeared into thin air. I smiled.

"Are you... are you serious?" the woman before me asked, her hand flying to her heart. I straightened up and grinned, pausing for one last check that Hera was nowhere in sight before answering.

"Nope! Sorry, weird prank. I thought it'd be a hit, but... clearly not. Enjoy the ceremony!"

The woman scowled, shocked and furious, but I turned and headed inside before she could make a scene. As far as I was concerned, that was a complete mission success. It wouldn't be a forever fix, since Hera would figure out the wedding did actually go on at some point, but hopefully I'd done things well enought that none of us would get in trouble for it. I headed back towards the groom's room to let Percy know the good news, but somebody stopped me just before I rounded the corner to the right hallway.

I looked up to see someone I recognized from a few pictures Percy and Sally had around their houses. Poseidon himself, attending his son's wedding in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts. I narrowed my eyes.

"That was well done," he said, giving me a small smile and nod. I quickly schooled my expression to absolute neutrality.

"I don't know what you're talking about. On an unrelated note, any chance your magic powers would allow you to change into a suit for this wedding? Or at least pants with the Hawaiin shirt?"

Poseidon just stared at me for a long moment, then finally, he started laughing.

"I can see the family resemblance to Sally," he said, clapping a hand on my shoulder and giving me a good-natured smile. "And don't worry. I'm happy to cover for you if anyone starts asking questions."

I sighed. It wasn't an answer to my pants question, but it was a promise to lie to Hera for me, so... I guess I'd take it.

"Thanks. And thanks for coming. I know it'll mean a lot to Percy."

Poseidon gave another smile and nod, then headed off to join the rest of the wedding guests. I watched him go for a moment, then took a deep breath and turned to go find Percy like I'd been trying to do. Never a dull moment since I'd reconnected with this side of the family, but I'd also never regretted it for a second.

Percy was over the moon when I'd told him, and not long after, he and Annabeth finally walked down the isle and said their vows. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful, and by some miracle, we didn't get a reappearance from Hera. After so many pictures everyone in the wedding party was ready to drop, we moved on to an absolutely outstanding reception. With literal magical Olympians in attendance, the party got immediately into full swing, and continued long into the early hours of the next morning.

After whirling around the dancefloor for more songs in a row than I could count, I finally made my way to plop down at a table for just a few moments of breathing and taking the weight off my feet. At least half the guests had already called it a night, but a core of us were still going.

As I took a deep breath, Percy emerged from the dancefloor's crowd and made his way over to me, too. I grinned as I saw him coming, raising the glass of water I'd found in toast.

"Congratulations," I said as he sat down next to me, a massive, dopey smile on his face. "Again."

"Thanks. And thanks for the help today with... You Know Who. Don't know what we would've done without you."

I grinned. "Sure thing, Perce. I missed a lot of Olympian days when you were in the middle of the shit, and even if I hadn't, I know I probably wouldn't have been able to help much. So I'm glad I'm able to help now."

Percy smiled and leaned over to give my shoulder a squeeze, then slumped back in his chair. We sat for a few moments in comfortable silence, watching fondly as our friends and loved ones continued to destroy the dance floor.

In another moment or two, I knew we'd be dragged back into the middle of it, both with smiles on our faces. But it was nice to be able to take a quick breather with my favorite cousin amidst the festivities to just sit back and enjoy the moment.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen @misshale21

Riordanverse Taglist: @valkyriepirate

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piastrixpole · 5 hours ago

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tattoo my heart - carlos sainz

pairing: carlos sainz x tattoo artist!reader

genre: smau

faceclaim: maggie lindemann

liked by charlesleclerc, carlossainz, landonorris and 838,213 others

f1: it’s a paddock debut here at COTA for the smooth operator’s new body art

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charlesleclerc: looking good mate😉 didn’t think you’d actually go through with it

carlossainz: a bets a bet🙂↕️

landonorris: save a horse🤤

carlossainz: aye cabrón not in public

pierluigi_della_bonna: caliente chili🌶️

user1: god he looks so good with tattoos

user2: fell to my knees in a walmart when they showed them on the broadcast

user3: he is THE Ferrari driver of all time tbh like just look at him😭 he’s like a walking ad (no hate to Charles ofc!!)

scuderiaferrari: that’s our driver🌶️

liked by yourbsf, oliviarodrigo, calumhood and 15,113 others

yntattoo: in honour of race week I’m doing a new f1 themed flash at 50% off this weekend❤️

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oliviarodrigo: gorgeous gorgeous girl💜you’re making me want a tattoo

-> yntattoo: omg please!! it would be an honour my love💜

calumhood: these are sick yn! will need to come and see you again soon

-> yntattoo: cal!! you better

user12: the Ferrari ones?? ok im obsessed😍

user17: making an appointment as we speak

user14: oh to be going to COTA so I could also get tattooed by yn sigh😭

user9: omg imagine if she was the one to tattoo carlos user55

messages

tiktok

transcript:

“carlos you surprised everyone in the paddock this weekend with your new look, what can you tell us about it.”

“well i have been thinking about getting one for a long time and a friend of mine knew a girl who was running a special on f1 tattoos for this weekend so i called over and she did an amazing job.”

“charles, will you be following in your teammates footsteps any time soon?”

“definitely not. carlos of course looks very good but I do not think I could pull it off as well as he does.”

“aye that’s not true cabron, I think a full scale on your chest would be quite eye catching…”

oliviarodrigo posted a story!

(pic 1: best day with my girls tattoyn, yourbsf) (pic 2: 🏎️)

liked by oliviarodrigo, yourbsf, scuderiaferrari and 27,390 others

yntattoo: forza ferrari sempre❤️🏎️ thank you for inviting me scuderiaferrari

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scuderiaferrari: so happy to have you with us❤️you’ll have to come back and give all the team matching tats

-> yntattoo: say less admin🤭❤️

yourbsf: hottieee😍 had the most amazing time with you

-> yntattoo: love you so much girl

oliviarodrigo: ferrari girls🏎️✨

alexandrasaintmleux: it was so lovely to meet you girls❤️

-> yntattoo: you too Alex!!

twitter

carlossainz posted a story!

Replies…

charlesleclerc: finally got the girl?😉

-> you know it mate

yourbsf: take care of my girl

-> I promise Bella

alexandrasaintmleux: that’s MY wife!!

-> stop trying to steal her from me you have Charles

liked by carlospriv, yourbsf, alexpriv, charlespriv, livpriv and 72 others

ynpriv: my man my man my man my man my man my man (ps the tramp stamp is fake…for now🫣)

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yourbsf: iconic, legendary, never been done before

->ynpriv: that’s you💋

alexpriv: my ferrari wifey❤️🥰

->ynpriv: run away with me xx

carlossainz: princesa❤️

->ynpriv: love u papi😼

charlesleclerc: can you give me the tramp stamp next win?

->ynpriv: I’ll hold you to that leclerc

messages

📍mexico

liked by carlossainz, charlesleclerc, yourbsf, oliviarodrigo and 100,346 others yntattoo: who would have though a tattoo appointment would bring me you❤️ congratulations mi amor

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yourbsf: making me believe in love again

oliviarodrigo: omg you’re the mystery girlfriend and not me whaaat!?!

->yntattoo: wait no i thought it was you??

carlossainz: gracias mi amor❤️ couldn’t have done it without you by my side

->yntattoo: ❤️

user33: yn is really living my dream life huh tattooing carlos sainz and then ending up as his girlfriend

user50: wattpad protagonist vibe

user27: I wonder if carlos is gonna get more tattoos from her??

->user92: he shouldn’t be with someone messy and skanky like her, she’s not Ferrari girlfriend material…

liked by landonorris, yntattoo, scuderiaferrari

carlossainz: my good luck charm

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landonorris: the other woman🎶

->yntattoo: hands off my man norris I will punt you into the sun

yntattoo: panties fell off at the sight of you on the top step🤤

->user3: YN??

->user12: i know ferrari pr are screaming rn

->scuderiaferrari: yn🫣👀 training being scheduled as we speak

->yntattoo: boooo!! they hated me for being right😔

#abby's writing #f1 #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #formula 1 fic #f1 smau #f1 x reader #carlos sainz #formula 1 fanfic #cs55 #cs55 x reader #carlos sainz smau #carlos sainz fic #carlos sainz fanfic #carlos sainz x reader

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afreakingdork · 1 day ago

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Soft Spot - Chapter 22

RotTMNT Donatello x Reader

Looks like we're in for quite the surprise with this week's chapter art by @garbagemilkshake

Rated: Explicit

Warnings/Tags: Romance, Established Relationship, Married Couple, Married Life, Aged-Up Mutant Ninja Turtles, Villain Donatello (TMNT), Love, POV Second Person, Babies, Pregnancy, AFAB reader, Vaginal Sex, Rough Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Creampie, Breeding Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Fertility Issues, Pregnant Sex, Pregnancy Kink, Reader-Insert, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Cum Eating, Turtle Noises (TMNT), I have a Biology Degree and I’m Using it, Menstruation, There WILL NOT be any Miscarriages

Synopsis: First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes the next step about as smooth as the others arrived. The baby-oriented sequel to Weak Spot.

Also available on Ao3

First 💜 Previous

“I have to pee.” You scurried away from the couch.

“Y/N!” Donnie’s voice chased you.

“Not my fault!” You reminded him as you rounded the corner in your bedroom.

“He’s in the building!” Donnie tried.

“I can’t help it!” You hissed as you got the bathroom door shut.

His concerns were the same.

His anxiety leaked through your wedding band and you waited until relief washed over you before you reached to give him some of his own.

He didn’t settle in the slightest, as he hadn’t in the past few hours, and there was a knock at the door.

You heard clips of Raph’s voice as you washed your hands. “-personalized door thing!”

“Right.” Donnie remarked.

“That was… you, wasn’t it?” Raph asked, clearly wary.

“There’s business at hand…!” Donnie’s voice peaked and you could tell he was trying to summon you.

“Sure…” Raph drew out his own concerns as they were bypassed. “You said you needed to talk.”

“We require your introduction.”

“Ya mentioned that over text, but I don’t really get why…”

You dried your hands and were especially careful in opening the bathroom door as silently as possible.

“I mean, who can Raph introduce you to?”

You crept forward.

“I don’t really know people that require introductions. You probably know more people than me!”

“True, however…” Donnie led again.

Your ring begged you to appear.

You were slow as you approached the partition.

You took a breath.

“Well, Raph…” You spoke just before you walked out. “You see we have some news…”

“What’s tha-?” Raph was genial right up until he froze in place.

You couldn’t really squirm at six months pregnant.

Your belly was a little too large for that. These days you were getting closer to the quintessential waddle and you did what you could to support the growing weight bulging from your front. You tucked your hands under your baby for support and to make yourself the picture of pregnant so Raph had no room to be mistaken.

Raph blinked once and slowly rotated his head to Donnie.

Your husband gave a single skittish nod.

“Y/N…” Raph checked with Donnie again and got another go ahead before he approached.

You looked up at him as cheerily as you could. “How’ve you been?”

“Good… Pretty good…” He knelt down in front of you and was the picture of gentleness. “And you?”

“You know…” You smiled warmly at him. “I’ve really been getting that glow lately. It’s been a tense time, but I’m finally starting to enjoy it.”

Raph’s smile shook and he licked his lips to curtail it. “Izzat’so?”

“If you want…” You removed your hands and put them in another stasis position tucked into your lower back for the pressure. “... you can feel them.”

His eyes danced as he glanced up at you and he held up a readied hand. “You’re sure?”

“Yep.”

Raph puffed with one watery chuckle that he swallowed before he put great care in laying his enormous hand on your belly.

“Not sure you’ll feel a kick.”

“Did you guys have any trouble with a surrogate?” Raph did the faintest chaste stroke before he released and sent joy in your direction.

“Surrogate…?”

“For the sperm.” Raph moved to stand. “Congratulations don’t even start to cover it. Don…” He turned to address your mate. “This is amazing. I can’t believe it. I’m so happy for-!”

“Raphael…” Donnie tested as he took a cautious step forward.

Raph was clearly hesitant. “Sorry. I meant Donatello. I didn’t mean to-”

“That’s fine.” Donnie told him.

“It… is…?” Raph was hit with concurrent waves of happiness.

Your spouse nodded.

“O-Oh…” Raph almost blushed as he turned his elation to you. “He’s already getting soft at the prospect of being a dad, huh?”

“Raph…” You took your turn.

“Hm?” The bigger turtle was caught in glee.

“There’s no surrogate.” Donnie finished for you.

“Huh?” Raph’s mood didn’t diminish. “Was that a bad assumption? Did you get a fertilized egg implanted or something?”

“Raph.” Donnie put a hand on the other turtle’s shoulder.

Raph blinked once at Donnie’s hand, once at the arm it was connected to, and finally once at your husband’s face. “What other way is there?”

“They’re mine.”

Raph was silent and stared openly.

“My child.” Donnie pressed. “Y/N’s egg. Without aided fertility.”

“Mutants are sterile.” Raph spoke like a tape recorder.

“Not necessarily.”

“That doesn’t… That doesn’t make any sense…”

“We calculated a 1.73% chance of successful conception of which…” Donnie looked pointedly at you.

You finished pressing your spine before taking up your belly again in demonstration.

Raph was slow in gaping at you.

He raised a finger to point and his neck creaked as he moved it, rusty, back to Donnie.

Donnie nodded several times.

Raph’s hand shot up to cover his mouth.

He leaked excitement and traded it for a form of concern.

“Getting pregnant was one of the toughest parts of the process…” You offered to the awkward air.

“I’m glad!” Raph squeaked out. “Don’t get me wrong! This is just-!”

Donnie released him to go stand by you.

“You two-!” Raph’s hand waved a few times before gluing back to his chin.

“The introduction.” Donnie spoke cautiously. “We need to know about how ninpo affects children. I want to commune with the ancestors.”

“The ancestors?! Our ancestors?!”

Donnie clearly didn’t agree with the specification, but he also didn’t correct him.

“A baby and then-!?” Raph did a nervous dance in place.

He then took a long breath to calm himself before he addressed you both.

“Okay… This is… a lot…”

“Wanna sit?” You offered.

“Can I?” Raph looked like he might keel over.

You lead around the couch in demonstration. “Of course you can.”

He mirrored you on the opposite side before he plopped down on the couch. “It’s not you guys, ya know?”

“Sure.”

Donnie inched up to the sofa’s back.

“Like, let’s start with the mutant thing. That’s crazy! Does that mean I have same chance of having a kid or is it just you?” Raph looked back at Donnie.

“That was a calculation between Y/N and I. Yours would differ.”

“How much…?”

Donnie looked on with a neutral expression.

“Yeah, I know there’s science, but ballpark it! Please?” Raph begged with a toss of his head.

“It depends, but it’s likely yours is not nil either.”

Raph’s hands shot up to his face to stifle a scream.

“Do you need to make a call?” Donnie droned on.

“What?!” Raph squawked with embarrassment. “No!”

“Your concern. You may need to contact a partner.”

Raph’s hands blurred as he waved them. “No! No, no! That’s not the problem! Don’t-! AH!”

You waited until you could see his arms again before reaching out to put a hand on his limb.

He sent you a weak look that begged you to understand.

You did a similar chaste rub as he had. “Is it knowing you can?”

His lips curled a few times before he nodded.

“Sorry for springing this on you.”

“No, no, that’s not-” Raph sighed. “I just don’t know what to do. Like Dad always joked about us giving him grandkids, but it’s not like we could. We were told from all sides it wasn’t a thing. Mutants getting rights was because we’re a dying breed. Knowing that’s not true is… I don’t even know…”

You nodded and kept petting him.

Donnie caught the couch and leaned over some.

“Then you guys! You’re having a baby! Seriously! I’m so happy for you guys.” Raph continued.

“Thanks.”

Donnie gave a courtesy bob of his head.

“And you telling me and nickname privileges? It’s big deals all around. I’m shocked and I’m happy and my world’s kinda flipped upside down!”

You looked at your mate.

He returned a warm gaze.

“Oh, and the ancestors! What’s up with that?!” Raph bobbed to better attention. “You want to tell them next or something?”

“We’re… concerned.” Donnie began before he knelt down so he could fold his arms along the couch’s back.

“Uh…?” Raph’s eye darted between you and Donnie. “Wait! I was paying attention. You said something about ninpo!”

“Right. Have any…” Donnie had to swallow bile. “... Hamato clan members been bonded?”

“Bonded.” Raph repeated as if he might not have heard right.

“In the yokai sense.”

“I’m pretty sure the Hamato were all human…”

Donnie barely contained his bitterness. “Their use of mystic arts? How Saki gained the Kuroi Yoroi? It’s unmistakable.”

Raph shrugged.

Donnie stewed with closed eyes for a moment. “If we return to unlocking ninpo.”

Raph’s head lolled. “Again, Donnie? How many times are we going to go over the same thing?”

“It doesn’t make sense!”

“I don’t know what else to tell ya! It’s a family thing! A bond-”

You perked up a little.

“Oh.” Raph spoke once.

One of Donnie’s brows rose.

“Oh.” Raph spoke again.

You encouraged him with a little bob of your chin.

“Does your ring bond reach the baby!?” The gravity caught Raph’s throat.

“I can sense them.” Donnie told him.

“I can’t.” You added.

Raph looked between you two. “Okay, okay. Let me…”

He took a deep breath and squared his elbows. With them at his sides, he brought curled hands inward to access his core. It was similar to what you expected meditation to look like and remembered Mikey’s teachings. This was Raph’s case and you watched him dig deep before his eyes snapped open with a flick of red. He then turned and looked squarely at your stomach. You had to fight off the urge to shield your baby even though you had seen Raph do this before.

Donnie clearly felt similar off put because he stood and menace began to ooze off him.

Raph blinked out of his power and looked at Donnie with bare interest.

“What did you do?” Donnie spat.

“I’m the best at visualizing ninpo. I was seeing if there was any.”

“Preemptive!” Donnie seethed. “There’ve been no signs.”

“I’m making sure!”

“There was no need!”

“It’s not like a microwave! Y/N is fine!”

“You examined them with an unstable and illogical power-!”

“Donnie!” Raph interrupted and set his jaw in a hard line.

Donnie bounced on irritation before he took to a short pace.

You watched your mate and shot Raph wide eyes.

“We’ve talked a lot about boundary stuff.” Raph announced proudly.

“Leashed.” Donnie hissed.

“And how I know he doesn’t mean it when he lashes out when he’s upset.”

Donnie’s aura flared rage.

Raph sent him a dry look.

Donnie stormed around with heavier steps.

“You two really do have a good friendship.” You remarked.

“I prefer Kaleb.” Donnie clicked his tongue.

“Captain K is pretty great.” Raph said fondly. “I’ll take a loss to him.”

There was a beat of silence before you tapped Raph’s leg.

He got the hint to be quiet and lowered his head to listen.

“What does everyone else look like? The one’s without ninpo?”

“Little flames of life force right in the middle of the chest.” Raph gestured with a hand to his plastron. “They aren’t colored. It’s like looking for a bright pop in a world of black and white. The ninpo shows up neon and is shaped to the user.”

“Shaped?”

“Like… Donnie’s is blocky like an old pixel video game. Mikey’s is loose like liquid. but it sort of burns so I guess like magma…? Or lava…? Whichever one does that and Leo’s is classic blue flame.”

“And yours?”

“Uh… Huh!” Raph paused to think. “I don’t see mine. I guess I could look. I think they once told me it was solid, kinda like a red saturn ring.”

“That sounds right…”

“Ya think?” He grinned.

Donnie crept over with a lowered head.

Raph didn’t tease him and opened up his posture.

Donnie didn’t apologize, but his body language indicated he was. “Your findings?”

“All clear, but the more I keep thinking about it, it’s a problem. When can babies… I don’t know… think? Feel…?”

“Discussing consciousness. Might as well discuss asinine morality.” Donnie grouched.

Raph tipped his head to agree.

“So can we?” You asked.

“What?” Raph seemed ready for whatever.

“Talk to the Hamato ancestors.”

Raph’s face shifted to a grimace. “The scrolls were destroyed.”

Donnie rolled his entire head with his eyes.

You glanced at Donnie.

He caught the twitch of movement and righted his person. “You have other techniques.”

“I mean… We do. There’s training. We all got our strengths.” Raph tipped side to side as he spoke.

“You can meld minds.”

Raph gave a slow nod. “Sure.”

“The ninpo is a shared power.” Donnie continued on. “Meld with the ancestors.”

“It doesn’t work like that. Not exactly.”

“Don’t pull semantics on something so obviously ambiguous.” Donnie swept out a hand.

“Okay…” Raph chuffed. “Let me ask something then.”

“Go ahead.” Donnie led with that hand.

“You asked me here, but you wanted an introduction. S’that mean you really wanted to ask me about this?”

Donnie chuffed as he turned away.

You put it together. “It’s not something you can do alone.”

“Bingo.” Raph pointed at you. “If it’s just me I already did what I can do. The ninpo belongs to everyone, but you need to access it together. We’ll need combined forces and Dad to get at what you’re wanting.”

“Exhausting onus rhetoric.” Donnie hissed.

Raph shrugged.

“We need to.” You said.

No one else moved.

“We need to.” You checked with Donnie.

He looked away.

“We need to.” You tried Raph.

He openly agreed.

You tried Donnie again, but he didn’t budge.

“I think…” Raph started and quieted.

Donnie didn’t look, but his head turned a few millimeters.

“We need you too.” Raph spoke with the quality of not trying to spook a wild animal.

Donnie snapped to his attention.

“We’ve tried to ask questions before, but… something’s off. It’s hard to explain, but it always depletes someone. I think that’s why the scrolls existed. It’s a huge amount of power to tap into. Dad used to take the brunt and he’d sleep for days after. Then Mikey figured something out and he did it. One of those times is when he got that grey streak. I swear it keeps growing each time he over uses his power. I mean dad is all grey! We’ve only ever done it a handful of times, for emergencies, but…” Raph sighed.

“You believe I’ll bring balance to your pathetic crest.” Donnie didn’t do his usual lording.

“You’rer part of this.” Raph said simply.

Donnie breathed and in doing so puffed his plastron out.

You could feel his pride was wounded and made yourself a net through his bond if he needed to fall back on it.

He stood tall. “I dislike the obvious and otherwise.”

“What else besides us?” Raph’s brow ridge cocked through his mask.

“I’ve had my lifetime fill of ferrying.” Donnie glared daggers. “I despise calling upon the blue one.”

Raph smirked. “Yeah, Leo’s sick of portalling us too.”

Your lips rounded in interest at Raph’s amusement.

Raph gave you a quick flick of his eyes that you read as agreement.

He also thought Donnie and Leo were far too alike.

You tried not to giggle.

“So sick in fact…” Raph pushed to get up from the couch without shoving it away. “He stopped doing it for any of us after Y/N’s recovery. He looked into new ways to train and use his power.”

Raph was clearly prepared to show you something and you spun in your seat to watch. Donnie approached your side in a protective stalk and Raph reached up to his shirt. Pinned like an accessory to his jacket was a series of metal studs. You thought they were part of the garment until a snap unhooked it. Raph held the tiny piece up in a comical pinch of his huge fingers and you swore you saw a small zip of blue electricity flick around it at the ready.

“We going?” Raph checked. “To the lair?”

You looked at Donnie.

Donnie’s eyes were trained on the thing Raph was holding.

“Let me just pee first.” You bumped the couch as you stood.

You felt Raph smile as you passed him. “How far along are you?”

“Six months!”

“What?!” You left Raph gaping.

You heard your husband tell him something and Raph continued on with astonished questions.

You emptied your bladder fast, cleaned up, and all but jogged back over. “Ready!”

“You good?” Raph asked Donnie.

“Let’s get this over with.” Donnie relented.

Raph dropped the pin and a blue portal exploded up from it the moment it hit the floor.

It looked very much like Leo’s. Only said turtle man was not impatiently waiting on the other side. That was the lair and you felt a foreboding in going. You had never really had much of a positive experience with the place, but this would be one of the first times you would be going there on some semblance of your own terms. There was the pressing need to go to keep your baby safe, but you bet if you changed your mind, you and Donnie could navigate some alternative solution.

Though that might involve the Hidden City.

More fear cropped up.

Your hesitancy pulled your partner.

He dipped his beak into the side of your head. “Problem? I have doubts regarding this new portal method.”

“Not really…” You told him and felt some truth there. “Not the portal. We’ve done a ton of those and I doubt this is different. It’s just… going there. I was preparing mentally.”

“Same.” Raph flanked you with an exhausted expression pulling his cheeks.

“Any warnings?” You asked.

“None that you don’t already know.” Raph shook himself out. “Dad might be intense. Like I said, he’s been talking about grandchildren since we were kids.”

“They wouldn’t be his.” Donnie spoke testily.

“You know how he sees it.” Raph shot him a look before he dipped down through the portal.

Donnie frowned deeply and followed after. He sent you one last look before he disappeared through the ring. His head then immediately re-appeared to give you the safe go ahead. He led you through and tucked you in close to his side as soon as you made it. Affirmations were cuddled close as your husband reviewed yours and the baby’s well beings. Raph reached back through the disc and grabbed the stud. There must have been some kind of time limit because he yanked fast through the other side as if burned and waved his hand off the supposed heat before the portal disappeared.

You tilted your head.

“Portal chopping is real.” He spoke to you in a haunt and reclipped the stud to his jacket. “Let’s find everyone. Roll call! Who’s home!?!”

Donnie went to straightened attention, but kept his arms protectively around you.

You observed the room you were in. It was the one you had long dubbed the portal room. It still had some white board slapped onto one wall, but it was curiously clean. The space itself was usually sparse and Raph wandered to one side as he listened.

You heard Mikey stutter something unintelligible out from down below.

“This way.” Raph scooped his arm for you to follow.

You moved after him with Donnie glued to your hip.

You descended the stairwells to where the train cars were and you watched Mikey stumble sideways with several enormous white cardboard boxes stacked up in his arms.

“What.” Raph stared out. “Mikey!”

“Help me so I don’t drop ‘em!” Said man quaked.

Raph shot forward and hoisted a few of the boxes up like they weren’t unwieldy. “What are you doing with Leo’s comics?!”

“Nothing!” Mikey shouted immediately and with a staunch expression.

“Nothing? Yeah, right!” Raph snorted hot air straight into Mikey’s face.

“I wasn’t doing anything, right-?!” The younger turned to garner support from you and stopped. “Donnie… Y/N…”

“What did you call me?” Donnie seethed.

“You’re…” Mikey’s eyes were glued on your stomach.

“Did you put him up to that?!” Donnie demanded from Raph. “Sharing hypocorism as if your familiarity is shared amongst you as well!?”

“Obviously not! I don’t even know what hyno-crism is! I didn’t do anything! How could I!? It’s Mikey!” Raph squared his stance.

“You’re…” Mikey didn’t look away as he set the long box down.

“Two slipped tongues in one day!? Unlikely coincidence!” Donnie hissed.

“You think I can control him!? Mikey!?” Raph waved his boxes around to point.

Mikey hobbled forward a few steps.

Donnie sensed the movement and darted away toward you on instinct.

Mikey slipped out of existence and Donnie outright snarled.

He rounded you as best he could, but there wasn’t enough of him to conceal you.

Mikey appeared in a blind spot and whisked you, squeaking, straight off your feet. “You’re pregnant!!!”

Before your stomach could settle, Donnie plucked you from Mikey and sent the smaller turtle flying in one fluid jump and kick.

Raph dropped his boxes and caught his brother like a pop fly and you were set on the ground with Donnie’s arms around you like a cape.

Your husband spat like a cat. “Don’t. Touch. Don’t. Think. Stay. Away.”

Mikey flailed happily in Raph’s arms. “Pregnant! Raph! Did you see!? A little baby! They’re going to have a baby!”

“We definitely dropped you on your head too much when you were little.” Raph turned Mikey over to look at him.

Mikey was giggling and stopped only to pop out a, “What?”

“Nothing.” Raph set him down. “You’ll never have any self awareness.”

“What’s that?” Mikey teased with a wink.

Raph rolled his eyes. “They’re here for a reason.”

“To tell us about the baby!” Mikey mooned. “Tell me everything except how! When are they due!? How far along are you!? Are you happy?! You look amazing!”

You chuckled and patted your mate’s arm. “That’s not exactly why.”

“A reason!” Raph made a fist and softly conked the top of Mikey’s head.

“This is a reason! We’re planning a baby shower, right?! You’re going to ask us to be godparents?! Pick me over Raph, I’m the obvious and not spiky choice!” Mikey flew through moods.

“H-hey!” Raph looked insulted. “I’m not that… I could do it… I’m gentle. I’m the gentle giant! That’s Raph in the dictionary definition!”

“He only knocks over displays with his tail because he wants to!” Mikey cackled.

“Neither of you-” Donnie panted out rage.

“Okay.” You squeezed his face beside yours. “Mikey.”

Said man perked up.

“I’m due in maybe 2 months. Mutant baby mixes don’t exactly have known gestation times. I’m 25 weeks and Coral and Hypno are currently in the top running for those positions.”

“Hypno!?” Mikey squawked.

“Hypno-Potamus!?” Raph bellowed. “He knows?!”

“Uh…” Your hands loosened on Donnie.

“You told Hypno before me!?” Raph looked right at Donnie.

“You did… tell him…” You squeaked out as you turned to look at your husband.

Some of his anger had abated and he returned Raph’s criticism with a wary gaze. “I would have preferred to not tell any of you.”

Raph twitched.

The silence suffocated the space until Mikey broke it to say, “Not cool.”

“What do you expect…?” Donnie turned away.

“You to be nice to him when he’s been nothing but good to you!” Mikey huffed.

“You expect-!” Donnie finally lifted to his true height, but stayed pressed to you. “Do you see to whom you speak!?”

Mikey growled to himself before he slapped his hands to his eyes. “I don’t want to do this!”

Everyone else stood firm.

“There’s a baby!” Mikey threw his limbs out in demonstration. “This is a time for celebration. No stupid fighting.”

Donnie’s throat choked on irritation.

Raph rubbed the back of his neck.

“Baby!” Mikey snapped at his brother before being far more careful in a second approach.

Donnie stiffened.

“I’m taking their hands.” Mikey told him before holding out his in offer.

You placed your fingers into his palms.

He squeezed gently. “I’m so, so happy for you.”

“Thank you.” You told him for several things at this point.

“How about the baby shower? Is there space there?” Mikey tried.

“Coral has been looking for a caterer…” You offered.

“I’m your turtle!” Mikey lit up. “Give me her number! I meant to get it before!”

“I’ll ask her first, no offense.”

“Yeah, whatever. Boundaries!” He chuckled. “Let’s go to the kitchen! I don’t have samples, but I can show you some cake molds I have! How on the nose would turtle cupcakes be…!?”

Mikey rounded you and pulled gently with flicking eyes to Donnie for permission.

You could tell Donnie was holding back for Raph this time, but signaled Mikey to go ahead.

Your partner didn’t leave you and walked on your other side to avoid a certain larger turtle who trailed in the background.

“Do you have colors picked out yet?” Mikey told you on the stairs.

“We’re thinking purple.”

“What shade?” Mikey held no judgement.

“That, we’re not sure. There’s so many.”

“Such is art, baby!” Mikey chirped and paused. “Baby! So cute! You know what? I’ve decided I dodged a bullet on godparent duties. Uncle duties are way better. That’s my nibling when they’re cute, but not when they’re gross. I will not change a diaper; don’t ask me to babysit!”

“Fair enough.” You laughed.

The air that followed you was stagnant.

You knew you needed to push the ninpo question, but it felt impossible with Raph and Donnie no longer on speaking terms. Their intensity followed you into the kitchen where both men stood as far apart as possible. Mikey was predictably immune to the bad aura and went on his merry path in showing you all manner of cookware. He had his phone out to illustrate projects he had done in the past from what looked like a cooking website. It had a posh design and you could only gawk at as he sped along.

“Oh good, you’re in here.” Splinter’s voice drifted in from the doorway. “Orange, I am ready to try that Pouchong tea you have been nagging me about.”

Donnie stumbled forward to catch up to you.

You barely looked at him when Splinter emerged and was perfectly positioned so he had a clear view of you.

His eyes widened out from beneath his brows and he blinked a few times.

He then shot his head to the side and waved a dismissive hand in front of his face. “Never ask such a question.”

He was the first.

He was the first person to give you even an ounce of decency.

He was the first to not stare.

He was the first to not assume.

It tugged your heart to have that amongst everything else that was happening and you blurted out, “I’m pregnant!”

Splinter’s shoulders pinched.

He swallowed thickly.

He was slow, creaky, as he turned to look at you with eyes shined up to a sparkle.

“We’re here to ask you something!” You shouted again as you were further compelled.

“Me…?” Splinter’s voice was small and his hand found the side of a cabinet for stability.

“Yeah…” You deflated and felt Donnie press into your side. “You.”

“I-!” Splinter caught his excitement by the throat. “Pardon me! Congratulations are in order!”

He hopped up onto the counter to be at your eye level.

“I am so happy for you! This is a momentous occasion! I-I have tea! Birthing tea, yes! You must have come for that! Orange, you told them of the family tea, yes?!”

“The wha…?” Mikey slurred.

“Are those cake pans?!” Splinter seethed at his dumbfounded son. “No sweets! It’s too cold! The baby must be warm! You are keeping him warm, aren’t you?”

“Cold…?” It was your turn to wonder as he looked over you.

“Yes, cold! You should have a sweater! I can get you one! I have a very flurry one that my sons gave me!”

“A robe, dad.” Mikey tried to interject.

“It is too big! Too soft! Perfect for you! Let me-!”

You reached out and touched his arm before he could leave.

“Y/N…?” He looked up to you.

“Did… you say… ‘him?’”

Splinter’s ears flicked. “Yes. You’re having a boy.”

You felt Donnie startle as much as you.

“You can tell by roundness…” Splinter went on. “Or… that is what I was told once. You are very round. Must be a boy.”

You laughed out something wet.

Splinter bobbed to take your hand. “Should I not have…?”

“No… No…” You wiped your eyes. “I thought maybe you knew for sure. We don’t know yet. Um, there’s a shell or… some shell. That’s probably why I’m so round…”

“It has a shell…?” Splinter unmistakably looked to Donnie with hope.

“Y/N refers to an egg shell. Part of which has developed.” Donnie clarified.

Every head minus your husband’s shot to you.

Your eyelids fluttered. “It’s weird. Just… don’t…”

A unanimous agreement was made to let it go.

“In addition… to a carapace…” Donnie suddenly continued.

You leaned into him.

“That is very good. Congratulations… to you… both.” Splinter tried.

Donnie gave a curt nod.

“This tea… Um… All these traditions or… whatever you’re talking about. I want to hear them, but there’s actually something else we need.”

“Yes?” Splinter looked ready.

“About… Hamato ninpo…”

Raph made a small noise as if he remembered that was the point.

“Our family’s power?” Splinter pressed.

“So… Um… Donnie and I are…” You squirmed a little before showing Splinter your ring. “We’re bonded and we don’t know…”

Splinter took your hand. “Mystic rings.”

“Yeah…”

“They bind essence…” Splinter seemed to be recalling something before he stopped. “Oh…”

“What?!” Donnie curled around you.

“That is…” Splinter looked troubled.

“Hey!” Donnie snarled.

Splinter looked straight at him and your husband was immediately disarmed by the severity. “We need to commune with the ancestors.”

Mikey popped to attention. “We’re gonna talk to gram-gram!?”

“Just like that?!” Raph complained and shot forward. “We don’t have the scrolls! The last time we did it-!”

“It’s fine!” Mikey waved and followed as Splinter jumped off the counter and started to head somewhere with purpose. “I got it!”

You fell in line with Donnie in tow.

“No, one of you always ends up bedridden!” Raph chased after.

“It is one question.” Splinter was determined.

You were led back to the portal room.

Splinter grabbed a marker from the board and used it to draw some kind of circular pattern on the floor.

Once one quadrant was completed, Mikey plopped down into it with crossed legs.

Raph expertly danced around the lines as he chased his father. “Dad, listen! How does this work?”

“We have five.” Splinter said simply.

“Donnie’s not totally connected! You know that!”

“It will work.”

“Dad!”

“It will work!” Splinter stopped long enough to look Raph in the eye.

Raph shook with a protest that he didn’t voice.

Mikey pulled out his phone and started tapping on it.

Donnie eyed the growing patterns on the ground with equally growing concern.

“You should step away…” Donnie spoke to you.

Splinter responded. “No, Y/N stays.”

“You do not-” Donnie hissed.

“Y/N is your tether.” Splinter finished off a pattern that held four outer circles connected to one in the middle and switched over to scrawling out some sort of language in between the lines.

He wrote faster and faster.

“Your reason for unlocking your power.”

He dotted off mark after mark.

“Your family.”

He finished and stood amongst an intricate design.

Donnie both held you for strength and as a shield.

You could only return the support through your bond.

“Your place…” Splinter offered Donnie one of the outer circles.

Donnie refused.

“It’s here.” Splinter told him again before walking to the center. “Raphael.”

Raph took his corner with obvious reluctance.

“We do this for the baby.” Splinter told him.

Raph still didn’t agree, but sat in his spot for obvious greater good.

Splinter took on a meditative pose.

Nothing had changed, but it felt like there was a growing energy to the room.

“Are these my comics!?” Leo’s voice boomed.

Splinter was unfazed.

Raph shot Mikey a look.

Mikey scrambled to match Splinter’s pose.

There was obvious stomping up the stairs. “My comics! My rare, protected, bagged and boarded, Jupiter Jim legacy collection, meticulously kept and, for some reason, sitting out in the middle of a walkway!!”

Leo appeared in a storm cloud.

“One of them was on its side, have you no shame!?!”

His arms were up in clawing horror and they fell at the sight of the room.

“What… are you doing…?”

“Take your spot, blue.” Splinter demanded.

“Take my…?” Leo’s eye wandered the scrawled curves to you. “Y/N.”

Donnie covered up your bump.

“Donatello.” Leo’s words dripped characteristic venom.

“Leonardo.” Donnie matched the candor.

“I’m gonna assume comic theft is beneath you somehow?” Leo popped a hip out.

You felt Donnie flick his eyes to Mikey.

“Hey!” Mikey shouted before slamming his eyes shut to continue his meditative ruse.

“Your ass is grass, amigo.” Leo pointed to his little brother before walking straight across the lines to his father. “Dad.”

“We will ask the ancestors a question.”

“Dad!”

“One question.” Splinter finally looked at someone and it was Leo.

“Dad… You know what that does. What could be so important, with him, that this is necessary? So his power’s busted, so what?!” Leo chuffed.

“Leo…” Splinter pressed before gesturing to you.

“What? Is there something I’m supposed to-?” Leo started by lazily looking toward you.

Donnie tried to cover up more of you.

Leo finally saw you.

He moved forward a few steps.

Without care for the lines.

Donnie rumbled with a tea kettle’s warning and the first of stovetop clicks.

“Move your arms.” Leo said simply as he was trained on your midsection.

“Stop!” Donnie barked.

“Drop ‘em.” Leo stalked forward.

“Donnie…” You tried.

“I said move.” Leo blinked blue light.

“Leo!” You yelled.

“Let me see.” Leo was glowing when he stopped just a few feet shy of you.

You heard a single gun cock.

Mikey and Raph shot to readied positions.

Leo crossed his eyes to look at the purple gun floating in front of his face. “Cute.”

“Boys!” Splinter’s voice boomed.

“You’ll just look!?” You demanded.

“Sure.” Leo spoke a little too dismissively.

Donnie squeezed you tighter.

“Leo.” You mustered as much authority as you could.

“Yes.” He barely relented. “I’ll just look.”

He showed his arms for good measure and his fingers weren’t crossed.

“Donnie, let go.” You told your partner.

He inhaled to complain.

“Just for a second. I don’t want you to leave me. Just long enough to show him. Leave the gun.”

Donnie’s nostrils rattled on the exhale.

Leo cocked a brow through his mask.

A tense moment ticked by.

Donnie’s arms lowered in a sweep like parting curtains.

He pulled your top in the process and revealed your pregnant belly.

Leo only looked at it with lowered lids and a single nod before he turned heel.

Donnie wrapped you back up.

Leo sat in one of the circles and shut down in his spot.

You didn’t know what to make of that, but you felt dismay.

Donnie nuzzled the side of your head in spite of everything.

“Donatello…?” Splinter asked with the softest voice.

“Just long enough.” You reassured him.

He couldn’t bear letting you go and trailed with you to the one empty circle.

Raph and Mikey shared glances as they got back into position.

Leo didn’t move again.

“Y/N will be safe?” Donnie asked as he neared his line.

“Perfectly.” Splinter spoke. “Outside the ritual they will only see us connect. I’m told there is light.”

Donnie held you one last time before he removed himself like it was unanesthetized surgery. With torn ligaments he made it into his circle and stood stoic. Nothing came for him or his body, so he eventually moved to sit. He chose to kneel, a prayer for the knowledge he hoped to gain, and with it Splinter gave a loud exhale.

That energy built back up in the room and you saw Splinter’s ninpo for the first time.

It was faint wisps of white that drifted off his fur.

Mikey connected next with a joyful zip of orange.

Raph was third with a solid support of red.

Leo’s energy flicked with agitation as the fourth.

They stood charged up and your husband just sat there.

He watched the others with those hues dancing in his eyes, but not his own shade.

He looked abysmally over the process.

You could feel him giving up.

Closing yet another door to this strange power.

Shutting himself off from the rest of them.

Something he had long done out of necessity.

You took a few steps toward him.

He gave you pure fear in return.

You minded the circle with your feet, but reached over it to touch your husband’s shoulder.

You sent him nothing but love and understanding.

It washed over him through his bond.

It took a few tepid minutes of him drowning in it before he almost smiled.

You felt it then.

A new current.

That beating power in his chest that you had once avoided.

It pulsed large and you felt yourself forced back.

You saw, but didn’t see your mate blink confusion after you.

The moment you were out of the circle’s bound you actually saw him.

White light poured out of his eyes like he had his villain mask on. His teeth were clenched in apparent pain, but you felt none of the usual signs from your bond. You could barely sense him at all.

He was gone to you.

Lost in some other power and his head threw back in fighting resistance.

Something flickered in front of him.

You squinted at it through the high beams.

It looked like some sort of sigil.

It had five slices in it, all with their own dots.

One of which was blinking in and out.

Light sparked in the written runes.

Your gaze stumbled as it seemingly read them off.

Each connected phrase triggered a quadrant and in the same order they connected, they lit up.

Splinter.

Mikey.

Raph.

Leo.

The leading lights headed straight for Donnie and he yelled out as if his flesh was torn.

“Donnie!” You shouted, but held yourself back.

The final sigil slice filled in and your husband went slack.

They all did.

You fretted back and forth at their limp forms.

You reminded yourself you were safe outside the circles.

You approached them anyway.

You toed the line.

You sought your ring.

It pushed back.

Your shoe clipped the line and, in a blink, you saw dozens of greenish hooded figures.

You stumbled away.

Your baby leapt.

When it landed you felt your organs kicked and you choked out a wheeze.

Your knees wobble and you bumped into the wall while holding your belly.

There was no further feeling outside the norm and you sat there for a few agonizing seconds before the energy sucked clean out of the room.

Everyone awoke in different stages.

Splinter’s eyes opened.

Mikey blew out a held breath.

Raph shivered.

Leo’s head bowed.

Donnie was their contrast and wheezed while tearing at his chest.

He scuffed the circle lines out and you took that as cue that you could break them as well.

You joined your mate and held him as he clawed at his plastron.

You didn’t impede him and only draped safely over his back.

“We’re… okay… All of us…!” You heard Raph pat himself down. “Guys!”

Mikey was checking his own limbs. “Weird… I don’t feel like passing out…”

Splinter nodded to himself.

A drip of drool hung out as Donnie’s maw gaped. “This is fine!? This!? You call this a success!?”

“It worked.” Splinter confirmed.

“That was working!? That was coercion! A trick!! You fiend! You knew!!! You had to have known!!”

“Donnie, what-!?” You tried.

“It supersedes!” Donnie turned on you. “Ninpo is a higher connection! It trumps the others! ‘You are not alone.’ I was always-!”

You held him and he curled into you.

You knew he couldn’t say more and looked out to the others.

Leo stood in one fluid movement and left.

You stared after him.

“Your bond will not be a problem…” Splinter translated softly. “Your baby may continue our lineage if taught our ways. It is always there, but a choice. You choose… your family. Choose to be part of something greater. To believe in more than just your power. It is a mature choice.”

You checked on Donnie.

“Ghosts. Ghosts! Incorporeal beings…” He choked out. “Apologized… to me… Before anyone else…!”

You saw Splinter move with regret in the corner of your eye. “I did not know…”

“None of us did…” Raph added.

“Donatello…” Mikey tried.

“No.” Donnie didn’t turn from you. “No more. Not today. We got what was necessary. We leave.”

You nodded into him.

He squeezed his eyes dry.

A portal appeared near you.

You glanced at where Leo had gone, but didn’t see him.

“Take your leave, but…” One of Splinter’s hands reached out.

“We’ll talk.” You told him.

Donnie shook his head and together you rose.

“We’ll talk.” You also glanced at Raph.

Raph rubbed his arm. Leaning on one another, you slipped through the portal and back home.

(Check out behind the scenes for this fic and more on my Patreon. You can follow me there, here, or the tag #softspotfic for updates)

As we enter the liminal space between Christmas and New Years, I still devote my time to my darling betas @tmntxthings and @unrestrainedhotsoup

#softspotfic #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader #donatello hamato #donnie x reader #rise donnie #rise donnie x reader #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt Donnie #me #fanfiction #my fanfiction

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hheartsdramas · 8 hours ago

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Settling in for more makjong deliciousness!

Ep 9:

Sang-woo is still creepy to me. Sorry if that’s not what you’re going for, guy.

Sa-Eon (or whoever he is) is such a goddamn romantic, I’m melting over that speech outside the police station

Okay i know lots of people are suspicious of In-A but after that convo with Hee-Joo, she is 100% at this press event thing to fuck. shit. up. in a good way. Hee-Joo has told her she wants the man whoever he is but they’re stuck in this ridiculous situation and big sis said, “I got you. Let’s piss off some parents.”

“my partner put a tracker on my phone without telling me so they can find me whenever” IRL: 🚩🚩🚩 in a drama: 😍😍😍

okay this tie tying bit is so sweet and domestic I’m melting again

Not Mr. Kang leading the charge straight into a private hotel room. He loves his boss so much and we love him so much

her dad 🥹

(I’m a millennial, I’m going to overload on emojis and if that’s old of me well what else is new)

So everyone on the internet called it about Do-Jae, but I don’t understand yet how it all fits? His motive for going after Sa-Eon would be because he thinks he killed his twin, but if he’s working with the OG Sa-Eon then he would know he’s targeting some poor random orphan and his wife, yeah? So is he a separate entity from OG Sa-Eon?

Phew, that was a roller coaster! On to Ep 10:

my god they both just want to be a normal bickering married couple so bad. and I want this for them. let the babies be happy

okay, so did Do-Jae not know that guy was OG Sa-Eon? like he managed to get in contact with the kidnapper without knowing the rest and now he’s found out that he fucked up?

yeah he kind of life and death fucked up, huh?

why is everyone insisting on tangling with the known crazy serial killer directly with no Ji Chang-Wook to action scene this drama up

I KNEW In-A was on our side! sistah sistah!

Hee-Joo is such a goddamn romantic, I’m melting over this proposal 🥹

had to stop typing my thoughts because those last 20 minutes were WILD

I refuse to accept her being dead, no one here deserves that kind of ending. also no preview at the end means they’re trying not to spoil that she’s actually alive.

but why did I laugh at his team’s reaction to finding out Hee-Joo is his wife, this is such a serious moment, self!

Finale week next week, what are we going to doooooooo

#kdrama #when the phone rings

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souperbloom · 12 hours ago

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christmas wrapping. [A.I.]

🎁 boyfriend!Ashton x reader

with a busy year behind you and a new one around the corner, you decide to surprise your boyfriend with the greatest gift of all.

a/n: consider this my gift to you, soup nation. merry christmas and happy holidays from mama soup! this is also just a lil somethin to hold you guys over to the new year— lots of fun things happening!

this was rushed. def not proofread. be gentle with me as i am just a girl.

(this oneshot is a stand alone, but it’s set in the same universe as my fic ‘tangerine, tangerine’)

CONTENT WARNINGS: smut!, bratty!ashton, pet names, oral (m!receiving), bondage, festive innuendos, a sprinkle of christmas cheer, etc.

wordcount: ~4k

⋆❅*𖢔𐂂꙳

Christmas Eve.

Not a very special day, and not any more than the day that comes after it.

It was you and Ashton’s third holiday season together. A season spent buried in work, Ashton’s schedule packed tight with sound mixing and whacking the nights away on his drums.

But Christmas Eve, despite its mundane nature in the shared home with your boyfriend, was kind of special. It was the only day of that entire week where the two of you were able to sit at home and just enjoy each other’s company.

“How many cups of chocolate chips are we talkin’ here? One? Three? Seven?”

Although Christmas wasn’t inherently celebrated in your relationship, both you and Ashton tried your very best to be festive in any way you could. You’d just spent all morning wrapping red and silver garlands around the bannister of the staircase and thumb-tacking ornaments to the wall, while Ashton was on his third batch of cookies. After snickerdoodle and peanut butter, he’d finally made it to chocolate chip.

“Put as many chocolate chips as your heart desires.”

After practically breaking your neck trying to line the top of your living room ceiling with Christmas lights, you’d made the executive decision to take a break on the couch while Ashton slaved away by the oven. He’d been there since noon, it was well past four now, and giving up or taking any sort of break clearly wasn’t in the cards for him.

“I can’t make that decision, baby. You’re the Cookie Monster of this house,” he calls over his shoulder, bending down to make sure the oven was still warm.

“Put two. Call it even. How many cookies are in this batch anyway?”

“Two dozen. That’s what the recipe says.”

You could practically hear him shrug from all the way in the kitchen. But you just smiled, partially watching the digital fireplace that Ashton put on the TV. He claimed the smooth Christmas jazz and crackling of wood would set the mood— but little did he know. You had other plans to set the mood.

Gifts were never expected on you and Ashton’s Christmas morning. Neither was any semblance of Christmas spirit. The two of you always just woke up and carried on your day as if it were any other. But this year in particular was a rough one, and you figured your favorite boy deserved some extra holiday cheer for all of the work he’s been putting in.

You came across this little idea when you found an old pair of lingerie sitting in a box at the back of your closet, Ashton had gifted it to you on your first anniversary— it was a red matching set with a sheer tulle slip. You were never presented with the opportunity to wear it, but the feathered trimming on the slip and rhinestone bow smack between the bra cups was just the right amount of festive for the precedent set on Christmas Eve.

Thinking all day about surprising him was what got you motivated enough to deck out your living room in Christmas decor. You couldn’t contain your smile when Ashton offered to bake cookies, since you knew he’d be too distracted to notice if you slipped away for a moment.

The Kitchen Aid began to whir, and you tilt your head to see Ashton whistling to himself as he spins the bowl of dough with ease. You took this moment as your perfect opportunity to sneak away upstairs to the bedroom.

He definitely didn’t notice you had left; he was far too engulfed with getting his cookie dough to the perfect consistency. You felt your heart patter as you reached for the box under the bed, all while the mixer was still working and Ashton was still whistling without a clue.

The lingerie was in pristine condition after all these years— and changing into it made you feel like a million bucks. It was flattering, the way the tulle fell just above your hips and left the red lace panties barely exposed. Once adjusted, you grinned to yourself in the mirror while smoothing out the feathers and scurried into the bathroom for your next surprise.

You found your next hiding spot untouched, thank God, and pulled out the ream of satin ribbon that you left in your bathroom drawer. The ribbon was a last minute idea that dawned on you during a trip to your local craft store.

The ribbon was sturdy, which was perfect for the circumstance. Hell, it was sturdy enough to hold the shape of a perfectly knotted bow on its own— you took the liberty of tying to a lock of your hair at the top of your head to add a bit of pizazz.

If anyone couldn’t tell by now, the gift Ashton wanted most for Christmas was you.

“Hey, baby? Can you come in here for a sec?”

Ashton calls out to you from downstairs in the kitchen, the mixer having stopped and started a few more times.

“What’s up?” You call back, frantically shutting all of your drawers and pushing the lingerie box back under the bed.

“Want you to come try the dough. Make sure the ‘chip ratio’ is to your liking.”

You stifle a giggle as Ashton turns the mixer back on, shutting off all the lights in your bedroom and starting to tiptoe towards the stairs.

“You in the bedroom?” Ashton shouts again, his back facing you as you’re already halfway down the steps.

“I’m comin’, I’m comin’.”

You eventually creep down the last step with chills running down your back in anticipation. You couldn’t believe that he still hasn’t turned around to see you all decked out in your holiday getup. It was honestly kind of funny, how determined he was to get these cookies just how you liked them.

“I think this should be fine. But— tell me what you think. Should I add cinnamon? God, I’ve been staring at cookies for so long… I think I’m starting to turn into one.”

You giggle again, audibly this time, and eventually creep your way behind him. You slither your arms around his waist, resting your chin on his shoulder.

“That looks perfect t’me,” you hum sweetly, drumming on his hips and admiring the picturesque bowl of dough.

Ashton laughs at your mellow comment, his body shaking as he disassembles the mixer.

“I want you to try it— but don’t eat too much. The raw eggs and shit, they’ll fuck you up.”

“Mmhm…”

Ashton moves fluidly, as if you weren’t even wrapped around his waist and holding him to your chest. You couldn’t believe how enraptured he was by these goddamn cookies.

You almost wanted to smack him.

“Ashton…” you mumble, an attempt to get his attention.

“Yes?”

Just then, you take a step away, releasing him from your arms and putting your hands on your hips.

“Turn around for God’s sake!”

Ashton freezes, dropping the mixer and wiping the remnants of flour off of his pants, “Sorry, sorry, I was just g— holy fuck.”

He had finally seen you. All decked out. Lace, tulle and all, wrapped up with a little red bow.

“Merry Christmas, baby.”

His eyes wasted no time in scanning every inch of your body, pupils dilated to maximum capacity as his hands had no clue what to touch first.

“Oh my God— you’re so fuckin’ gorgeous.”

“Mmmh, thank you,” you coo, melting into his palms as they eventually make it to your waist.

“This is my gift?” He asks, his eyes sparkling like the lights on your tiny Christmas tree.

“Not all of it.”

Ashton pulls you into his torso, hands roaming your sides and lifting the tulle slip in his path. He can’t believe how incredible you look— let alone in a set that he’s been wanting to see you in since he first bought it off the mannequin.

“You fuckin’ spoil me, y’know that? Shit— what’d I do to deserve this? Was I on the nice list? Jesus fuck, I’m spent.” His entire sentence comes out in one hurried jumble, working in tandem with the steps he was taking to walk you backwards into the living room.

“Just thought you deserved a little somethin’ after everything you’ve done this year.”

“Everything I’ve done? Baby,” he interrupts himself with a kiss to your collarbone, “this is the best gift I’ve gotten in years.”

A giggle escapes your throat as you push his eager lips away from their attachment to your neck, “I haven’t even shown you the rest of it yet!”

Soon enough, you have Ashton padding after you like a dog up the stairs, letting him chase you to the top of the staircase before barricading the bedroom door with your body. He frowns as you stop him from bursting through it, taking a hand to caress your waist.

“Baby—” he begins to protest as you anchor your hands to the moulding.

“Ah ah ah,” you tut, “not yet.”

“Why not? I wanna unwrap my gift.”

You chuckle at his childish attitude, lazily slinging your arms across his shoulders and giving him a cheeky smile.

“Patience is a virtue. I’ve got one more surprise left for you.”

Just then, you reach behind and open the door to your bedroom; it was dark, with the exception of the purple and blue lava lamp that backlit your sensual figure.

“Entry fee is one kiss from you, mister.”

Ashton’s lips curve into a sultry smile, still standing over you, “Just one? Why not a million?”

You just shrug, tapping your manicured fingers along the doorframe, “Inflation.”

He stoops down to press a gentle kiss onto your lips, taking a moment to savor the pomegranate flavored lip balm you’d smothered across them in a hurry. He hums into you, wanting to reach out and touch, but barring himself as per your request.

“I’ve paid my toll,” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“Don’t be smart.”

Ashton bounces on his heels as you step away from the door, guiding him into the dark room by the sway of your hips. You reach over to the nightstand and turn on the light to reveal your bed, intact from this morning, with just a single spool of ribbon nestled between your pillows.

Ashton stops at the doorway, scratching his head in confusion, “Our bed?”

“Mhm. Our bed.”

You then take a few steps, making sure to push your arms together and arch out your back as you reach for the red satin ribbon.

“I mean— I’m not complaining—”

“You shouldn’t. This is part of the surprise,” you say these words as if they meant nothing, twisting the ribbon between your fingers and starting to slowly unravel the tightly wound roll.

“You’re so elusive,” he tuts, stepping closer to the bed.

“I haven’t even given you instructions yet.”

Ashton raises his eyebrow, dipping his knee down onto the mattress. You could tell his eyes were still bugged out and wandering across your body.

“Instructions? Did my gift come with a manual?”

“Somethin’ like that,” you murmur, stepping around the bed to meet him, “you’ve been awfully good this year.”

“Have I?” Ashton asks, in complete awe of you. His body stiffens when you reach out to fiddle with the hem of his t-shirt.

“Mhmm, very. You’ve been working so hard all year. Must get tiresome, no?”

In a complete 180 switch, Ashton suddenly seems to know where this is headed. His face, once dawned in pure ignorant bliss, had learned a thing or two within the past few minutes.

“Wait.”

He had stopped his path towards the bed, eyeing you down as you continued to unravel the ribbon until it dropped onto the floor.

“What?”

“What are you trying to do right now?”

With the satin now wrapped into a make-shift spool across your knuckles, you shrug, “What do you mean?”

He shakes his head, slowly working backwards from the progress he’s made getting onto the mattress.

“Is this part of your little surprise? What’s the ribbon for?”

“Why are you asking me so many questions?”

Ashton crosses his arms, meeting you at your side of the bed, “Because I’m impatient.”

You scoff, “Well at least you’re aware of it.”

He shakes his head, stepping towards you and motioning to the ribbon as the smile on your face only makes him more impatient, “And how do you intend to use that?”

“Use what?”

“The ribbon.”

“Oh,” you hold out your hand, stepping closer to him and only leaving an inch between your bodies, “this?”

“Yeah, that.”

You could tell that Ashton was getting frustrated; the subtle way his jaw ticked each time you smart-mouthed one of his questions. Being elusive and condescending was Ashton’s job in the bedroom. It was one of the things you liked most about your dynamic between the sheets. He, however, didn’t seem to like the sudden role reversal.

But tonight, despite your presence being his present, you decided to go for the more self indulgent route.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have much of a choice.

“The purpose of the ribbon is for me to know, and for you to find out. Wanna lay down for me?”

He doesn’t even get the chance to retort before one soft push to his chest had him plopping down onto the bed. He stares up at you, a bit stunned, watching as you slip right between the perfectly sized slot between his legs.

“Fine. No more questions. But you mentioned instructions…?”

“Mhm. They’re very simple.”

“Hit me with ‘em.”

You smile, draping the ribbon around your neck in order to have both hands free.

“Take your shirt off.”

With his bottom lip now tucked between his teeth, he obliges, pulling off his white tee from the back and tossing it behind you. You take a moment to admire his smooth collarbones, still standing between his legs.

“I’m starting to like you from this angle, Ash,” you purr, taking that same hand you used to push him down to grapple his chin and force his gaze into your eyes.

“I’m indifferent.”

“Why’s that, hm?”

“Usually I’m the one barkin’ orders...”

Before he can explain himself any further, you grab at the ribbon and point to the headboard.

“Lay back. Arms up.”

“Are you about to tie me up?”

He asks this question as he slowly maneuvers to where you told him to, curiosity sparkling in his eyes yet still a fool to your soft, sultry tone.

Somehow, some way, despite the vehement pleading of his facial expressions and the desire to put up a fight, you’re straddling his hips, and he’s holding his arms up like you asked him to.

“Just lay back and look pretty.”

“Yeah? That’s what you want?” Ashton chuckles, “how the tables have turned…”

“I wish you’d stop being such a smartass,” you hum, reaching over him to tie his left wrist in place.

You wished you could’ve taken a picture of his face when the second bow was tied— his face was priceless. You loved how the bows keeping his wrists steady to the bedposts matched the one you’d tied into your hair, you loved how gorgeous he looked beneath you, completely at your disposal.

The way his eyes narrowed when you called him a smartass, it was obvious he was holding back a smile.

You were starting to think that he loved it too.

“Baby—” as Ashton whines, he tugs at your knots, causing your antique bed frame to creak and bang against the wall.

“Yes?” you reply, perching on his lap with an innocent smile.

He seems to have more to say, but all vices are lost as he seems to just give up, and sigh.

“—Oh— forget it. Do what you want. I’m yours.”

You break the tension with a kiss, pressing your lips against his and feeling his chest shudder as he breathes beneath you. It was obvious that he wasn’t accustomed to being restrained. Each time you rolled your hips against his flannel pajama pants there was a knocking at your wall, signifying the willpower he was exercising as to not uproot the bedposts from the floor.

You continue your slow trail, taking your time and peppering open-mouthed kisses along the side of his neck and down towards his chest.

“Fuckin’ hell, baby. How do you do this shit?” The frustration laced through his breathy voice made your stomach turn.

“What, stay tied up? It’s easy,” you hum, mid-kiss to his pec, “I just play by the rules.”

Ashton huffs, growing more and more antsy as your travels lead you towards the waistband of his pajama pants. His supple, gravelly moans were the only thing keeping you from tearing off his pants and having your way with him— because one thing that Ashton Irwin lacked in this life was patience.

And one thing you lacked in this life was the ability to deny yourself a good time.

“Baby, c’mon.” His hips jerk upward, along with his hands, his crotch hitting your clothed core in all of the correct places. But rather than visibly showing how much his fully hard dick had an effect on you, you just smile, and reach up to smoosh his lips together with your index finger.

“Stop pulling, you’ll break the bed.”

“It’s gettin’ really fuckin hard not to.”

“Hush. Don’t wanna hear another word from that mouth.”

Just then, you tap your cool fingertips along his pelvic bone, and watch as the goosebumps rise along his tanned stomach. Living in Los Angeles definitely had it’s perks.

“Yeah?” You can tell how hard he was trying to keep the status quo, but now your fingers were dancing beneath his waistband and causing him grief, “You–God, what have you done to me?”

A catty smile dances across your face, still enjoying how much he absolutely fucking hated not being the one in control.

“A Christmas miracle, maybe?” you tease, finally getting a start on pulling down his pants, “Lift those hips, pretty boy.”

With a disgruntled moan, he does as he’s told, his eyes locked in on your figure and tracing every single curve with his pupils.

You eventually free him from the confines of flannel, his cock springing out like it was being held captive. It was hard not to let your mouth water at just the sight of him; your old ways were awfully invasive.

“Mmmmh,” you hum at the way he twitches, his tip leaky and just begging to be touched.

“You’re fuckin’ murdering me with those eyes, baby.”

“That’s the point, silly. You always like to tell me how patient I am. Why not give you a taste of your own medicine?”

You reach out to hold his cock, antagonizing him by wrapping your fingers around him and remaining stagnant. He hisses at your gentle touch, the headboard knocking against the wall once more.

“God damnit— you gonna make me beg for it?”

“Maybe. That’d be fun,” you hum sweetly, starting a slow rhythm of pumping his cock while staring deeply into those honey green eyes.

“In your fuckin’ dreams, sweetheart.”

In order to hush those sweet lips of his, you take your tongue and drag a line up his shaft. He grunts, loudly, wrists now tinged with red to match his restraints and his incapability to sit still.

“Fuck you— you’re such a tease,” he mutters, his breathing picking up at merely the sigh of your lips near his cock.

“Fuck me? Isn’t that the goal?” you joke once more before dipping your head down to ever-so daintily suck on his tip.

Ashton then lets out a sound like you’d never heard before— it was loud, and beastial. You’d never thought you had it in you to make a grown man cry, and yet here you were, with your boyfriend's sanity at your fingertips.

“Y/N, baby, please… Take it all. God I’m— I’m dyin’ t’feel that fuckin’ mouth.”

With your lips still pursed around his tip, not giving him the full satisfaction just yet, you hum, sending vibrations from the hollows of your cheeks directly into his body. He jolts again, cursing and muttering at the feeling of satin setting fire to his wrists.

His sounds alone have you enthralled by this whole scenario. Hell, you couldn’t believe you didn’t think of this sooner. Tying Ashton up and teasing him in the most seductive piece of lingerie you own? Sold.

In the midst of feeling bad for your poor poor boyfriend, you decide to up the ante, and take him fully into your mouth without warning. Another gasp catches in his larynx, finally releasing some of the pent up tension that had been building since the moment you tied a knot around his wrist.

“Ahhh, fuck. Fuck, yes sweetheart. God you feel so good—”

Expletives and moans fill your bedroom wall to wall, a familiar buzzing sensation hits your stomach as he mutters your name like a prayer.

“Just like that, baby. Not gonna last long if ya’ keep—fuck— suckin’ me off like that.”

It was now an attempt to beat the clock as you felt Ashton’s abdomen tighten. You knew he was close, he knew he was close, it was just a matter of when.

You continued the rhythm that hit him just right, bobbing your head and hollowing your cheeks whilst his mercy ran thin.

“That pretty mouth— s’good to me. Fuck, you’re an angel.”

With his words, you pop your head up, releasing his cock and replacing his your cock-full mouth with a smile.

“Keep talkin’ pretty boy, you’re so close, aren’t you?”

Ashton’s eyebrows furrow, but they don’t stay angry for long.

“You piss me the fuck off.”

A giggle slips past your steely demeanor, enjoying the ability to banter with your boyfriend while his head spins.

“I know. That’s the best part,” you coo, narrowing your eyes as your hand pumps his milks his cock to an imminent orgasm, “Now are you gonna cum for me, or what?”

One final tug at the headboard left Ashton spent, his release spilling onto your knuckles as you watch him with your bottom lip between your teeth. His breathing was shallow, in time with the rhythm of the last few strokes of your hand.

“Jesus Christ—” he sighs, his head thumping back into the pillows, “You’re a fuckin’ animal.”

“Still a merry Christmas?” You ask, your eyes half-lidded as you take your free hand to massage his shaky thighs.

“The merriest,” he breathes out, still trying to collect himself by running his hands through his now sweaty hair, “but just wait ‘till next year.”

After you’d cleaned up the mess you made and freed Ashton from his festive ligatures, the two of you sat, cozied in bed, staring up at the ceiling as you ruminated on the past year together.

“You know, if you wanna start up the tradition of having a real Christmas, I wouldn’t be opposed,” Ashton mumbles into your hair, still traipsing along the red tulle of your slip.

“Really? What changed your mind?”

“Don’t know. I guess today had me feeling ‘holly and jolly’, if ya’ catch my drift.”

The two of you giggle, feeling the warmth of your body heat combining to shield how Ashton blasted the AC to compensate for your longing for a real white Christmas.

“Maybe next year we’ll have a Christmas party. Invite a few friends, do a secret Santa, cook some dinner?” you shrug, mindlessly sweeping his hair off of his forehead and tucking it behind his ear.

“Hell no. Entertaining those losers is the last thing on my wishlist. But you and me? Alone together?”

“Yeah? What about it?” You hum.

“That’s at the top of my wishlist.”

#ashton irwin #5sos fanfic #ashton irwin fanfic #ashton irwin smut #ashton irwin x reader #ashton smut

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littlessparrow · 7 months ago

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I feel like it will be set before or during the fall of the guild. Bowerstone and Fairfax Castle are bigger so it has to be set after fable 1 (then again I think it they were smaller in the game due to limitations at the time). With the guild seal appearing a lot it's safe to say the guild is still around at this point. Either way I'm excited to see where this goes!

THEY JUST SHOWED THE NEXT FABLE AT THE XBOX SHOWCASE

I'm not going to be calm about this whatsoever because at this point I'd sort of given up hope but it's actually happening!

and it's probably continuing the same timeline as the other fable games because we see Fairfax castle

but the hero named Humphrey who's doing the narrating has a bunch of stuff with the guild symbol on it, so maybe it's set before the fall of the guild? in fable 2 and 3 it was said that the heroes became arrogant and annoying so people got rid of them, maybe this game takes place when that's happening? anyway going to obsessively watch this tiny bit of info on repeat now if anyone needs me

#also happy that we finally got more news about it #its been years #fable #and its DEFINITELY not set after fable 3 #no guns in sight and its clearly not during the industrial revolution #i feel like its much closer in time to fable 1 than fable 2 #but i do hope we get go see oakvale and potentially reaver! it would be a missed opportunity if they didn't include him

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shannonsketches · 4 months ago

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something something foils moving in opposite directions Goku's always happy to seek and fight stronger opponents because he spent most of his life being the strongest guy in the room and Vegeta wants to be the strongest/is always exhausted to find stronger opponents because he spent most of his life having to navigate his survival around the whims of the strongest guy in the universe room and so Goku has a foundation of safety and stability and so spends his time craving challenge and adventure and Vegeta has a foundation of challenge and adventure and spends his time craving safety and stability and the overlaid section of their venn diagram is that the only way they know how acquire and maintain those things is through battle

#thank you this has been the laziest media analysis post of my career #dbtag #media analysis #something something a game to goku is a threat to vegeta etc #there's a pinned thought here about how Vegeta also didn't learn about the dragon balls until he was ?? 30?? and so all loss is permanent #and goku has been familiar since he was ~12 and hasn't faced a permanent consequence since he was 10 years old and even then he got closure #sometimes I think about how Vegeta saw Trunks die and how Krillin was mad at him for reacting since they could fix it with the dragon balls #but Vegeta has very limited experience with the dragon so to him in that moment that was permanent and Trunks was Dead. Forever.#And we talked before in a 2am post about Vegeta having never experienced grief born of love and I stand by it because his feelings then wer #still very new and very odd and not something he'd accepted until that moment so it was raw power but not as powerful as it could've been #all this to say in my heart of hearts I think Vegeta deserves to retire at the end of super (if super continues) -- not as a warrior #but as an infantryman. he's a prince and now he's got his domain and his family and his planet to look after and I think he deserves #to go home and stay home and help piccolo bully gohan into training more often when goku inevitably leaves to hop the multiverse #geets wanted to take a sabbatical when Bulla was born but didn't get the chance because Freeza coming back freaked him out too much #but whether freeza gets a redemption arc or gets defeated -- Granolah's arc seemed to shift his perspective on being the strongest #and I just grips fist I just think it would be a really nice full circle for Vegeta to inherit his throne in a way he never expected and #finally get his kingdom to look after and protect in the way that he was looking forward to being king of his own planet all those years ag #Goku's got Broly and Jiren and Hit and all the others to keep him busy and happy now -- and if Freeza gets a redemption arc he'll probably #continue playing slap-ass with Goku for the rest of his life -- and Vegeta's got Gohan and Piccolo and Goten and Trunks #I just think them getting a nice bittersweet 'This is where we part ways' would be really nice for both of them because !!#They couldn't have done this without each other. They couldn't have known this kind of life was possible without each other.#So they swap lots and live happier than they ever imagined they could be #especially since Vegeta has proved to himself that he can close any gap Goku creates in progress that's not a concern anymore #And obvs the door's always open!! There's no point closing it Vegeta's tried the locks they don't work on Goku #anyway here's me putting the whole essay in the tags again #this isn't an essay as much as it is stream of consciousness tag blogging #anyway i'm too lazy to write fic or draw comics so we get ramblings instead

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hauntingblue · 1 month ago

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Last arcane episode ever..... here we fucking go....

#50 MINUTES YEAAAAHHH!! IM SO GLAD THEY HAVE BEEN GETTING LONGER THERE WAS NO WAY!!!#the last drop no..... YEEEEEEEEEEES EKKO!!!!!! OH MY GOOOOOD YEEEEEEEES always a dance with you OOOOOOOOHHHHH she even has the same hair 😭#is she gonna build the new zaun for isha.... like vander wanted for vi and powder.... 😭😭😭 with ekko 😭😭😭#watching jinx kill herself over and over is something else that was so funny.... im sorry but ajdkansk #WHATS WITH THOSE CUTS WHATS GOING ON.... WDYM WE ARE MEANT TO LOSE THIS FIGHT??? IN THE FUTURE HE SAW RIGHT???#OH ITS THAT GIRL VI IS CARRYING OMG BUT SHE IS LOOKING FOR JINX!!! NOOO SHE FUCKING DIEEED AMBESSA IS A BEAST!!! DID THEY GET CAIT???#VANDER NOOOO OOOH ITS VIKTOR TOO!!ITS OOOOOOVER maddie being there still..... a consensual workplace relationship... cait....#LORIS!!!! VIIIIIIIIIIIII caitlyn looks so good..... and vi too.... but did they run out of armors.... the guy who left his family DIED TOO!!#caitlyn that was so hot.... they got her.... MADDIE!!!! WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK I THOUGHT THAT WOULD NOT EEEEEVER HAPPEN!!! AK WITH HER OWN GUN!#OH MY GOD MEL!!! MADDIE EXECUTED FOR HER CRIMES!!!! i know people are cheering!!! JINX ON HER BLIMP!!! the egg was a distraction.....#jayce be ready for your divorce.... THE HALO!!! THE VOICE!!! his voiced softened when he said to see you omg... SEVIKA NOOOOOOOOO #cait and mel joining forces to maximize their joint (literal) slay against ambessa.... and vi and jinx vs vander.... cruel #beef squashed..... no way she died????? omg... we havent seen caits left side.... and she was bleeding.... one fear. VIKTOR IS SO TALL!!!#how does it feel to look up jayce.... also jinx saying they are always together 🥺🥺 they are flying again.... omg jinx looks so scared...#OH NOOOOOO SEE CAIT HURT HER EYEE viktor saying they want better lives but emotion clashes with reason after a season of just that.... omg #series thesis.... this is actually so meta if i may say so.... vander and silco.... jinx and vi and the rocket... cait and ambessa....#and finally jayce saving viktor.... and jayce searching for the arcane after he was saved as a kid.... all of it..... ALL OF IT....#THE BOY SAVIOR!!!! VIKTOR IS BACK!!!! HE WANTS HIS PARTNER BACK OMG #YES THE MAGE IS VIKTOR!!!! OH MY GOOOD!!! ONLY YOU CAN SHOW ME THIS! CAITVI FUCKED ON SCREEN AND SOMEHOW THIS IS GAYER!!!#JAYCE!!! YOU ARE ALRIGHT!!! EKKO MADE THAT WITH AN INVERSION OF JAYCES RUNE!! OF COURSE!!! THE WTO MEN AND THE ANOMALY!!!#they are literally adam and steve... VI OMG!!!! SHE CANT TAKE IT NOOOOOO JINX AND VANDER!!!! NOOOO EKKO ALONEEEE NOOOO #SEVIKA COUNCIL MEMBER!!! CAIT GAVE HER HER SEAT!!! AND SINGED AND HIS DAUGHTER!!! MEL WHAT THE HELL!!! BACK TO NOXUS???#caitlyn seeing that jinx escaped through the air ducts... yeah..... she is on that blimp #can you believe we ended arcane with two happy lesbians..... like everything went to hell jayce and viktor saved it and disappeared....#through it all one thing remained.. two lesbians in love <3 can we get an applause for two lesbians in love.... they made a band about this #(love of lesbian)#talking tag #watching arcane #watching arcane season 2 #you know towards the end the characters looked a lot more like normal 3d animated... idk how to explain it

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tenwhiteandalusians · 2 days ago

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pertaining to the idea of tenax’s band of strays i do think it’s touching that the kids are the ones who saved him and waited outside the door to make sure he’s okay. for all tenax claims to be harsh and cruel it’s a fine indicator of his character that the kids won’t rest without him and are there every time he’s in danger.

#AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE I HAD THEM STEALING THEIR WAY OMTO #THE PLATFORMS WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNNN oh i love being right #also that all the kids are there watching when he kills the guy whose name i forget because i simply cannot hold names in my brain but the #evil one. who i was like oh thank GOD he died i was so sick of this plot he kept killing everyone & i screeched when he almost got claudia #something something calla saying ‘you’re not a child anymore’ about tenax’s cruelty to the brothers (which in my twisted narratives. sorry.#there’s only one scorpus who KNEW the child tenax was. the child he’s still healing and caring for. all of the children whose eyes he looks #into and sees a hurt that’s just like his? the children tenax saved whether he’ll admit it or not? scorpus saved him. and that’s all)#(also this is a terrible thing to say i knew it about but like. oh i knew it about the master of the house. tenax making sure NO ONE #touches the kids or does anything with them really but Claudia and him—the people he trusts which also now includes calla but he makes sure #it’s someone he knows. also do we have a claudia backstory??? or would i just get to invent a reason why she’s there and what she’s doing #and why she’s so loyal to tenax. did she also see the child he was and that’s why she’s so protective of him but also why she gets along #with calla so well because the two of them see how he’s festered in that. like calla fully has the rights here i think she should rip him a #new one for his lack of decency and good qualities he can be corrupt without being cruel y’know. and he should be called out on his #peter pan ass behavior you’re not a child!! there are such consequences!!! dream a little bigger a little kinder!!! change the dream you #made up with scorpus when you were a young angry teenager and make it fit who you are NOW. the life you want NOW not the life you thought #you should have & deserved. what did you learn from growing up. what changed. what do you need now & what do you want. not the same things #and i too wish that this was 30k and covered their entire backstory #BUT IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION of i also need it to be 100k canon-divergent (presumably. i’m only through episode eight. but i can’t imagine #that they will follow the plot EYE would write because they need to have a second season & you can’t have that without conflict which means #titus overthrown scorpus is gonna die metaphorically or literally etc etc the gold faction in shambles but technically triumphant with #domitian on the throne and tenax in a position of patrician power accepted into their society but still not equal and happy. whereas lmao #domitian you’re getting shipped off to some other city because your plot to overthrow titus failed and yet he is merciful enough he won’t #kill you he just sends you and hermes together (at which point over the months long journey you forgive and re-learn each other bc titus #didn’t know of the betrayal he thought it would be kind to send your (ex-)lover with you. do we see how this works perfectly) & tenax falls #back into the underworld where he now knows he belongs because blood is everything except when it isn’t. when he realizes what he has is #worth more. no matter if the blood he has is tainted or patrician the blood oath he swore with scorpus iron on their tongues means more.#calla’s split lip defending him and their winnings. kwaame’s blood on the hard packed sand of the arena fighting to stay alive and to come #home to them. the fire in aura’s cheeks when she laughs at ivy. SURPRISEEEE EVERY NARRATIVE IS A FOUND FAMILY I GUESS IT SPRUNG ON ME TOO.#and tenax doesn’t mind a little dirt and bribery every now and then. doesn’t aspire to former heights and shining brilliant out of shadows.#the gaudiness of gold &flash of fools’ dreams. YES CAN I FINALLY PLS GET MY BLACK FACTION TO REPLACE THE ILL-FATED GOLD THATLL COLLAPSE W/D

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jils-things · 6 months ago

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meow

#ok uhhh hi. yeah im back from the strike but as of now i'm still gonna be away from my blog more?#ive been going out more and more lately with family and friends for vacation and i haven't had time to sit down and do my stuff #i also finally have a laptop - i'm very happy about this! i was worried i wasn't going to get a laptop before college and I hadn't been-#- starting commissions lately but its been covered now and im very lucky!#ive been focused on preparing my characters for artfight too - got some friends to join and added more characters #so I don't know if i can continue to be active here? hard to say but just saying hello again!#i COULD post my new refs that i made for artfight #i still have to go out tomorrow - i think i have a stuffed schedule ahead of me...#yesterday we went to the arcades with my friend who finally came to visit + a new family friend who joined us #and today we watched inside out 2 in the cinema w them. (really good movie - i cried haha)#ahh but yeah. yeah. stuff. Stuff.#everytime id come home from the hangouts id be too tired to do my thing and end up sleeping 😭#~ rambling #so as of now im just bouncing around discord with close friends #my old computer that has stayed with us for years is gonna retire soon since i got my laptop #i just have to transfer all my files in it and archive it somewhere else

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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 2 years ago

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happy new year 🥰🥰🥰

#happy new year #new year #new year 2023 #2023 #wow #it's weird to think that it's 2023 lol #like it's 12:13 and I was just partying with my family (partying being being fools and singing summer camp songs lol) but it just hit me #a bit anyway #also good news I was even more emotional about being left out earlier today but I finally got to hang out with my cousins and I do feel a #bit better now #I'd still say some of the most fun (maybe bc we were tired lol) was not officially playing that song game but just reading the words and #coming up with songs with those words with two pairs of aunts and uncles and my mom lol #still #despite this being the day of a funeral (the whole reason I was here)#it turned out pretty good in the end :)#I'm taking 2 less people I looked up to and 4 less loved ones into 2023 #but I'm going into it with a smile and laughter #I was even thinking right before midnight that I could've done one of those 'start whatever here and whatever will happen as #you start your new year' but thinking about it now #I started it with family #with sparkling cider and laughter and music and love #and that's really all I need :)#happy new year y'all <3 #I hope you make it through with some love

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foldingfittedsheets · 6 months ago

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I’d like to entertain and enliven you now with the saga of my Slut Era.

I’ve always been a serial monogamist and my shortest long term relationships clocked in at three years. So perhaps that’s why when I finally broke it off with my ex I went insane on dating. Part of it was definitely just that between anxiety and loneliness I wanted to fill up my time.

This happened when I was living alone for the first time, no roommates, just me and my little cat Leeloo. I didn’t want to come home to an empty house so instead I set up dates.

Most of these were disastrous. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I had a lot more first dates than second because they’d seen enough, including the one where people aggressively complimented me.

But after a few months I had four people I was seeing simultaneously. I was up front with all of them that things were not exclusive, and they all agreed, so no infidelity took place here, just a lot of hijinks.

Here’s who was on the dating roster:

• An apprentice woodworker that we’ll call Jill. I honestly thought at 26 years old that her being 21 wasn’t a problem age gap and I quickly learned that there was a vast gulf of both maturity and life experience between us. Jill described herself as “heteroflexible” and had just dumped her first boyfriend to flirt it up with me.

• A married woman looking for a friends with benefits. We’ll call her Alice. I insisted on meeting her husband first to be sure I wasn’t part of a cheating mess and he gave me his blessing when I stayed over at her house. Years later when he and Alice had divorced I would go on to sell him and his new fiancée an engagement ring and we both realized at the end how we knew each other and it was wildly awkward. Alice was nice, but a hardcore vegan who insisted I brush my teeth if I so much as ate string cheese before I could kiss her. She was also unhappy in her marriage and was feeling out if I’d want to get serious.

• A bartender dubbed Snakebites, so called because of her signature piercings. She cooked me a steak so raw it was still mooing and some of the best asparagus I’d ever had. In our singular sexy encounter she bit my nipple and I never got over it. Really don't bite someone if you don't know their preference and work up in pressure. We weren’t terribly compatible but neither of us were willing to admit it yet. Truthfully I considered still dating her solely because I desperately wanted her bathroom. It had all black tile, black toilet, black sink, a rain shower in the corner and a jacuzzi tub. I may not have loved her but god I loved that bathroom.

And finally,

• My beloved, who I would go on to marry, who was dealing with a lot of personal stuff at the time. Obviously that meant I liked them the best of all the people I was seeing because we were both disasters at the time.

So that’s the cast of this little misadventure. Now, our story begins with Jill.

Jill was someone who heightened my anxiety. Each of the three times she came to my home she brought and left more stuff. A self help book, a ramen kit, the entire Teen Titans collection of DVDs. It was like she was trying to move in. She also liked to deride my taste in things, frequently calling me a pleb when I mentioned a band or show I liked.

She was working on a gorgeous little decorative table in her woodworking program. The main wood for the top had a beautiful dapple of knots like jaguar spots, and when she showed me a picture I exclaimed how pretty it was.

“Do you want it?”

“Oh- I mean it’s lovely, I wouldn’t mind having it, but you should sell it and make some money!”

But she was adamant. She’d give me the little side table. At about this time, Alice was starting to get awfully lovey for a FWB. I knew she wasn’t happy with her husband but I also knew we were not a good fit. Fun fact: Alice and her husband were step siblings with a pretty hefty age gap. They got together when he stumbled upon a kink photo shoot she’d done with vegetables. None of their family was happy about the relationship but they weren’t related by blood so it was fine.

So I was fending off more overt romantic advances from Alice, and feeling increasingly like I needed to break things off with Jill. Snakebites wasn’t ever initiating communication and I decided to pull a lot of plugs at once.

I ghosted Snakebites, told Alice that I thought we should cool it, and in a move worthy of a rom-com I asked my beloved if I could pretend we were exclusive to put off Jill. They agreed and I texted Jill to let her know that I was no longer single.

I was not prepared for Jill’s response. She. Was. Devastated. She flew off the handle. She’d just been waiting for the right time to tell me how she felt about me! How dare I do this to her!

What about the table?!

“You should keep the table, it’s gorgeous, you’ll be able to sell it, but I don’t expect a free table.”

Silence met me after that text. I worried and fretted and eventually headed home.

There on my doorstep. The table.

It was a small little end table, reeking of oil and polish, but very beautiful. I brought it inside. The little drawer didn’t even have a knob or guide rails. But it did have a handwritten bill proclaiming that it was costing me $500.

“I can’t afford a $500 table, Jill!” I texted.

“Well you kept saying how nice it was. I spent a lot of time on it.”

“I’m not saying it’s not worth $500” (it wasn’t, it was a tiny side table made by an apprentice) “but I can’t buy a $500 table.”

“Make me an offer.”

I stared at the little table. I did actually like it, but I worried about the repercussions of entering into this deal. Hesitantly I typed back, “$300.” I didn’t think it was worth that much but I didn’t want to insult her too badly.

This suited her for the night. But the next day she informed me she needed a new bed, and that she’d take her $300 in credit toward a new mattress. I spent the whole next day basically wrangling with her over what she wanted and eventually she spiked back up to demanding $500 for the damn table.

“Let me just give it back,” I begged. It was not the first, second, or even third time I’d asked to return the thing but this time she finally relented and gave me her address. Since she lived with her parents still I’d never been over.

I called up my beloved and said, “Hey, I need moral support, can you run an errand with me?”

They agreed which is how we loaded up a self help book, a ramen kit, the entire Teen Titans DVD collection, and the table from hell into my little car together. Jill had said to meet her at one o'clock. I intended to drop everything off at noon and be done with this madness.

But while my beloved and I were on the doorstep leaving everything I heard, “Jill? You’re home early,” through the door. Her mom opened it to peer at us in confusion.

“I was just bringing Jill’s stuff back!” I chirped in alarm.

With little tact and a lot of speed we left her with Jill’s collection of things and then I sped out of there like my tail was on fire. I handed my phone to my beloved as I zoomed away instructing them to block Jill’s number. I was free. The tabletross around my neck had been returned.

It was about a month after that when my beloved and I officially began dating exclusively. I had wrapped up all my messy dating threads and it was a relief to be in a relationship again. They went on a trip to Mexico shortly after we made it official.

So I knew they were out of town. But next morning I walked out to my car and beheld a lipstick kiss pressed to the drivers side window.

I was petrified. I had just dumped three girls at once and had an extremely messy back and forth with one of them. Did I have a stalker?!

Of the girls, Alice seemed like likeliest candidate, being of a stronger lipstick variety girl than Jill or Snakebites. We had ended things a bit stiffly, but still cordial. She just laughed when I asked if she knew anything about it. “Nope,” she said, “but good luck.”

I’d rather have walked over broken glass then text Jill, and I’d firmly ghosted Snakebites so I was scared to reopen communication to ask if she was stalking me. I had to drop it. But it haunted me, that lipstick kiss.

For months I was jumpy, wondering which of my spurned lovers had done it. And why. Was it a threat? A goodbye? I lay awake thinking about it, worrying about how everyone I’d dated knew where I lived, which car was mine.

Finally, nothing else happened and I moved on. The kiss would remain a mystery and I had to be content with that.

It was a year later when I finally started filling my mom in on my dating escapades that I finally got closure. She was hooting and laughing as I went over the table debacle. Then I paused and added, “And then this kiss showed up on my car.”

“Did you like it?”

“What? No! I’m pretty sure one of them was stalking me! Who else would leave a kiss on my car?”

My mom started bellowing with laughter. “I did!” She wheezed.

Apparently. My mother had been driving by my place. And decided that a cute little gesture would be to leave me a kiss. And then decided to never mention it to me even though she’s never done anything like that previously.

“It scared the crap out of me!” I yelled while she collapsed with helpless laughter. “I thought I had a stalker! How could I possibly have known that was you?!”

“How could I have known you’d just broken up with three girls at once?” She wheezed in rejoinder and like. Fair play.

So that’s how my mom convinced me I had a stalker and I got out of buying a $500 table.

#ramblies #funny #ffs foibles #dating #the table #writing #story #funny story

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