#also go watch todds other videos hes very funny

[ermwhatsup]

genuinely in awe that james somerton is such a lying hack that music critic todd in the shadows who has made videos about nothing but music his entire decade plus long career (except for that one video about buses) dropped a one hour and forty two minute video debunking his bullshit

[desire-mona]

things abt dps i feel like we dont address enough (photos attached will be shit quality, i took screenshots from yt clips LMAO)

heavily ib @pencileraser1's post abt stuff he noticed n such

the fucking KIDS at welton. the CHILDREN. maybe its just me but i always find myself forgetting that welton isnt a highschool + there are in fact a lot more students than the ones we're focusing on. thats what makes welton so like. evil? to me? they start pushing these kids into a box EARLY.

related, i wouldve LOVED to see how(/if?) keating taught these kids, or rly any other class! he has other classes!!! i think!

ok. of course. neil is a smoker, we've touched on that. but charlie is too?? and he's the one who provides the cigs???? obviously the easy explanation is that he does it to be rebellious and stuff but also Is There Something Else. much to think abt. also wondering where he gets his cigs but thats not rly anything i dont think.

this ones just funny but when mr perry tells the boys they can take a seat and todd simply does not. i KNOW he wasnt sitting before and he needs to unpack and stuff but ITS STILL FUNNY.

"take your seats boys"

"🧍"

also my guilty pleasure is the dps but its todd being anxious video bc man usually crack videos arent my jam but unfortunately i find it so funny

also!!! neil calling his dad sir. obviously its something so glaringly obvious that we dont need to have a discussion abt how theres a disconnect between them. like wow rly thanks mona i didnt know. but come on!!! it makes me sad!!! also they shake hands later in this scene and its the most affectionate/ friendly we see these two get. and its a handshake. and i think what makes it worse is that neil is a SUPER physically affectionate person with his friends. if u watch the movie and pay attention to how often he's touching someone else then ur gonna be like man. he rly was jumping at every opportunity huh.

something about the way neil and the boys act around mr perry makes me view him as more of a drill sargent than anything. everyone immediately stands upon him entering the room. they dont sit until given permission. it rly puts the whole military school thing into perspective but NOT ENOUGH TO SATISFY ME. as much as i hate mr perry, i wanna know what his life was like growing up. this man lived thru the great depression AND wwii, theres stories.

cam's stupid fucking face when keatings behind him larping ghosts. i will never stop talking about how sassy this kid is. the dps redheads go criminally unacknowledged in terms of comedy because OH MY GOD. CAM AND MEEKS WERE SO FUCKING FUNNY??? they both pulled the most dastardly judgemental looks and they make me cackle. a bit earlier in this scene meeks goes full 🙄🤨 on sniffles (tissue kid. i call him sniffles) and it is, without exaggeration, my fav part of the movie.

the fact that i totally thought knox was gonna fall off his bike and eat shit in this scene. it would be so out of place since dps isn't exactly full of physical comedy but GOD i still fully anticipated it. either that or him getting attacked by a bird. theres totally symbolism surrounding birds in this movie btw and idk what to make of it. if any of u lovely ppl have a theory then lmk immediately.

keating so accurately calling cam out being like "is this right is this right. am i walking right." BC YESSS. i will eventually make a fully fledged cam post but to briefly touch on it, i find cam to be very confused on what is right, usually in terms of morals. a whole situation of confusing your personal values with the rules, thinking theyre one in the same, and completely abandoning what u actually believe. unfortunately i think neils death rly amplified that nd is what led him to tattle. cuz cam is still willing to break the rules in the beginning of the movie!! he's outwardly judgemental but he still does it!! much to discuss, i promise i will eventually.

keatings face after todd yawps!!! theres not much to say here he is just so proud!!! sweet little moment!!!! keatpostin!!!!!!!!

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

u guys know im an avid knox hater but this made me giggle. rip knox overstreet u wouldve loved twitch streaming.

THE SPECIFICS OF THIS SHOT. i was gonna make a post a while ago being like "idk i find it funny that the main focus of this shot isnt even one of the poets" and then i realised that WAITTTTTTT THATS THE POINT!!!! keating reached kids besides the poets!!! u didnt have to be in the dead poets society to be affected by the way he taught his classes!!! u just had to be his student!!!!! also i love the fact that the kids who stayed seated r ASHAMED. EMBARRASSED.

the ending shot. oihghgghgg. it was SUCH a choice to set it up this way and honestly i adore peter for making it. this shot is SOOOO UNCOMFORTABLE TO LOOK AT and i love it. when i first watched this i was like "uhm ok interesting choice putting todd between this kids legs but I GET IT. one of the biggest things i remember from the film classes i took is that the way u set up shots is sooo important narratively, and one way to rly push the narrative is the space around a character in a shot. for example! if u have a character on screen surrounded by a TON of negative space then it rly emphasises how alone/ isolated they are. on the other end of the spectrum (the todd spectrum), if you surround a character in a shot with other objects or obstructions, like todd and this kids legs, then it rly emphasises how trapped and confined they are. looking at this makes me feel like. claustrophobic almost, like it's genuinely a bit harder to breathe looking at it. TODD IS STILL TRAPPED IN THAT SCHOOL. YES HE STOOD ON THE DESK AND YES HE NOW HAS THE MOTIVATION TO BE MORE CONFIDENT BC OF NEIL BUT HE! IS STILL! TRAPPED THERE!

more on todd since im on a roll here.

i was also gonna add that we dont rly talk about todd personality wise outside of poetry and anxiety but then i realised, what else is there? we dont really see much about him as a person outside of that, and i think thats the point! todd is constantly overshadowed by his brother, we know that, but i dont think we realise HOW MUCH that ties in with his entire character. quite honestly, outside of poetry and anxiety, ALL we have surrounding todd is his brother and his achievements. and of course! that makes sense! his parents want him to be just like his brother, they dont care about who he is as a person. UGH.

the desk set scene rly is the most insight we'll get into todds actual personality and desires imo, and thats what kills me. he wants a car!!!! get this boy a car!!!!!!!!! we rly see him start to open up before neils death and i wouldve LOVED to get to know todd when he's actually in a place to be himself!! but of course we never got that! sobs.

anywho. thats all i have for now. PLEASE share ur thoughts if u have any pls pls pls. encouraging discussion!! i love love love hearing about the specifics nd stuff, theres soooo much to pick apart abt this movie so i wanna hear everyones thoughts.

[ncisfranchise-source]

For a milestone as major as the franchise’s 1,000th episode, NCIS pulls out all the stops, from guest stars (LA‘s Daniela Ruah as Kensi! Hawai’i‘s Vanessa Lachey as Jane! Joe Spano as Fornell!) to Easter eggs (like connections in the case to dead characters like Tom Morrow and Kate Todd and it all linking back to the mothership’s very first investigation). It also starts off by putting one of the agency’s own in the hospital.

While visiting his late wife’s grave and then having an awkward, tense conversation with his son, Jared (Spence Moore II), Director Vance (Rocky Carroll) is shot by a sniper. While Carroll, speaking with TV Insider for our weekly aftershow, NCIS: Case Closed, never worried about being killed off, he does recall of the initial conversation he had with the episode’s writer, Christopher J. Waild, that “he never mentioned anything about Vance being shot or near death. It was like, ‘What do you think about bringing Vance’s son back?’ And I said, ‘Oh, that’s a great idea.’ So when I read how he’s brought back and the reason that they reconnect, I was like, ‘He left out that little part about Vance getting shot in a cemetery.'”

It’s because Vance is shot and Jared gets at look at NCIS and what these agents do—and continue to do, even as they’re being threatened—that father and son are in a much better place by the end of the episode. Jared “may not have gotten there at all,” Carroll says. “I think he held a lot of resentment toward the fact that his mom was killed violently and he blamed that on NCIS.” Also, Vance’s daughter is also now an NCIS agent and has seen the risks of the job.

“It’s not until you realize that you could lose that person that you’re able to put aside whatever your grievances are with each other and realize that we’re just lucky to have another day together that I can say to you how much I do love you and how much I miss being connected to you,” adds Carroll. “I hope that’s what this episode sheds light on.”

The episode is filled with Easter eggs, including that the person they’re after is the daughter of the perp from the very first NCIS (in which Spano guest starred), which allows for quite a few callbacks. Carroll had yet to watch the episode and admits, “I need to see it the way you’ve seen it to [pick out the Easter eggs]. It’s funny when somebody stops me and says, ‘Hey, I love that episode when such and such happens,’ because I can proudly say we’ve done so many episodes and I’ve been a part of I think more than 300 of them myself, is that there’s not a lot of downtime between when you complete an episode and when you start the next one that you have to go through your mental computer and delete the file so you can store all the new stuff. I wouldn’t do very well in an Easter egg hunt.”

While Vance is recovering in the hospital in this episode, he names McGee (Sean Murray) interim director, something that seems like an easy decision, and yes, “many, many years from now,” the once-probie, now senior field agent is his pick to take over for him. “Here’s hoping that I can follow in the late David McCallum‘s footsteps and in my 80s still be a viable part and a working actor,” Carroll says. Vance has “seen [McGee’s] evolution, he’s seen his growth, as opposed to being sort of the foil to DiNozzo [Michael Weatherly], he knows that there’s a level of maturity that he possesses. And over the years he’s grown. He’s a husband, he’s a father, he understands responsibility more. I think Vance sees a lot of himself in McGee—family man, kids.”

But Vance isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, while his injury was a serious one, he’ll be back at work sooner rather than later.

Watch the video above for the full interview as Carroll talks about filming that opening scene, that great ending with Vance’s speech about what the badge means over a franchise montage, what he enjoys most about who Vance is now versus when he first joined the show, directing NCIS (including an episode earlier this season), and much more.

[dolphs-world]

Komm Susser Todd is the best scene despite every other one with Kensuke

Evangelion. I think I love Evangelion. I know I like the Rebuilds. 3 sucks, despite the piano stuff. And I was really worried because the subverted Toji from getting injured but then you see he worked with Nerv. Thankfully, it was explained well in 4, but that gutpunch still sucked in 3. None of the new characters, besides Toji's sister, were needed. They also bog down 4 a bit. And Shinji did ruin everything. Not at the end of 2 but at the end of 3. 1 is superfluous and got rid of the best Kensuke moments. Lame! Although I preferred the Netflix VAs, I thought they were all good. Especially Shinji, he did not sound like an adult man, and Hikari as an adult. There's this annoyance I have with VAs of each sex, cool generic tough male in video games, and girlboss in cartoons. Hikari sounded completely realistic, like a random woman you met on the street, and I loved it. Misato's VA fucking sucked. She was decent when she was gruff in the later films but my god she sucked. I liked 2, I really liked the aquarium scene although it was sad that they hadn't set up Hikari at this point. 2 was a very good rebuild, although I missed a lot of Asuka's characterisation and the episode where Shinji and her had to get on the same wavelength. I think 4 was great. I've heard people say that Gendo doesn't really have a motive and I can't agree with that. But it is weaker and much more obvious. But they actually humanise him! And it's good! That whole segment is good. The literally staged battle with him and Shinji was the only good fight in the Rebuilds. 4 stood out because of how much unique characterisation they gave everyone. And it started to get a little confusing, which is good. The rebuilds did explain way to much, which doesn't really make sense after the first one. The people who know everything are the ones watching the Rebuilds. You can't really watch the Rebuilds without watching the original, I thought about this a lot. Whilst they try to explain a lot, they don't show enough for the these movies to make sense. The only good bid of worldbuilding is Gendo and Fuji going to to the moon. This can then explain how they got Kaworu on their side in the original as well. (Also, whilst it sucks that Asuka is now a clone as well, that's not how I interpret Kaworu. Intertwined with Shinji, not made for him. His consciousness moves between universes.) But, all the fights sucked. The fights were never a strong part of the original, it's like watching The Sopranos for the cunningness of the mafia, except for EOE because of high tightly that was connected to the characters. And all the new music sucked, especially that Third Impact song. What a joke! Speaking of jokes, Mari is a good "fuck you" to the weebs but she does suck. Isn't funny how she has big boobs? Also, whilst you can justify the sexuality of the original, it's just gratuitous in this one. Isn't it great how one of the last lines in all of Evangelion is Shinji talking about how big Mari's boobs are? Despite not really getting the ending of EOE, I think I did find this one more depressing. And it is mainly because of Asuka. She is the second most important character in the original, the only person who it makes sense for Shinji to end up with. And besides her relationship with Kensuke, she has nothing. No Hikari, no mother complex, not Kaji, no relationship with womanhood. She is more of a husk than Rei, a doll for Shinji. And she gets tossed aside for one with bigger boobs. Her ending is somehow sadder than in EOE. She has been given no second chance. I prefer the original.

[izuzaca]

best friend and bf headcanons for sal fisher

warnings: none

word count: 1.5k 

note: this is gender neural! i have recently got back into my sally face phase again and i desperately needed to write this and it just happened to be my first post :p enjoy my self-indulgence 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

as best friends:

he spends most of his time with his group of friends 

he ghost hunts and looks for different places around town that could be potential spots for paranormal that he always tells you about

“no i’m telling you the place by the skatepark is packed with ghosts. you have to believe me it gives me the chills”

if he’s out with multiple friends, he makes sure you’re always the one standing next to him out of the group

but that’s because he always has something funny to whisper into your ear as everyone is telling stories

and because you usually quip back which makes him snort 

he also enjoys hanging out with you alone where you either both play video games, have a music session, or just talking about school and other personal thoughts

he is a good listener and wants to hear everything you have to say no matter how little he understands it

there is always a response tho since he actively listens 

whether it be a joke or a comment about whatever you’re saying, he doesn’t leave a blank space when you speak because there is always something to talk about with you

unless it’s for emphasize then he’s just messing around

he definitely asks you for your thoughts on new music pieces 

like will call you at 4 in the morning to tell you he wrote something “worth your attention”

“sal, its 4 in tHE MORNING why are you calling me” 

“well i finished this part on my guitar and i wanted to show you so i need you to come over…please” and he’s very awake and ready to blow your mind as he makes you walk the block to his house

“if this does not rock my socks off, you’re dead meat, sal fisher”

but that also means he goes on midnight runs for you since you come over to hear him play

if you want a soda or obscure candy you haven’t had in years from the gas station all of a sudden at 2 am, you know he’s walking out the door to go grab them for you

he does complain at first tho but he’ll go 

“it’s like a block away you go get it yourself” he says as he’s putting on shoes

“sal pleaseeeeee”

“no i know you’re doing those eyes at me over the phone…i’ll be there in 5” 

but he’s happy to help you and make you happy any way that he can

dating:

dating sal wouldn’t be much different, except you’re usually together more often and there is more affection

he actually gets more sarcastic with you because he likes seeing you huff and tease back 

group hang outs aren’t weird either with you both dating since todd and neil take up most of the pda attention

sal doesn’t give me huge pda vibes but he definitely doesn’t mind you sitting in his lap while watching movies, laying his head in your lap, or putting his arm around your shoulders when talking to everyone

it’s hard to tell, but if you were to kiss his hand while it was draped around you or start playing with his hair while his head is in your lap, he would lose his composure for a split second and be lost in his thoughts for a good minute

mainly because he’s not use to so much loving affection and the way your fingers feel on his head makes him feel dizzy

instead of him doing your late night runs, you both do them together when neither of you can sleep

restless nights call for random gas station food and slurpees

OH also sal suggested one day while you were grabbing some chips in the aisle that you both should get one red and one blue slurpee

the motive clicked and he was melting inside because you both were newly dating and he didn’t want to weird you out

but you agreed with a slight smirk and you went back home with a purple tongue

he definitely asks to do that every time on your regularly scheduled sleepovers

“i think i want the blue one tonight”

you roll your eyes and grab a cup, “you’re about to taste both of them so does it really matter?”

“have some class in this below average 7-11 please and thank you” and you both laugh a sleep-deprived laugh

now leading to his mask: he became comfortable taking his mask off around you when you were best friends first and then has trusted you ever since

he was beyond worried about showing you and you leaving, and he still is to be honest, but he knows that you love him just as much as he loves you

he still keeps it on most of the time because he’s comfortable in it, but doesn’t mind leaving it off when it’s just you two in the shared house

your first kiss is something he likes to think about a lot because it wasn’t how he imagined it before dating

he imagined driving to the lake at night to look at the stars and leaning over to kiss you then (which he did end up doing afterwards)

but what actually happened was you came over alone to play a new game he just bought for you both

he was nervous the entire time because you were in his lap messing with his ring clad hands and making commentary about the game the whole time 

he got really hot from being so close and decided to take his mask off with you still there and you turned to look behind you and there was a moment where your sentence didn’t finish and you both just looked at each other

and then his hand was on your face pulling you in as his lips lingered on yours softly 

his heart was beating so fast and heavy in his chest that he was worried you could feel it but he forgot about that when you pulled him in closer to deepen it. he thought about that kiss nonstop for days after that

sal is a starer. point blank he loves to look at you when you’re not watching and just admire your features

ok so this one is controversial, but i don’t think sal gets that jealous

he definitely does get jealous but not over people like larry or ash or any of your friends because he trusts them just like you

if anything, he would get jealous at random people at house parties trying to come on to you in front of him

that’s when he gets slightly possessive and doesn’t mind pda

he wouldn’t take off his mask and make out with you right there 

but if he’s feeling confident he has his hand splayed out on your upper thigh while he’s glaring daggers at the person trying to flirt with you

if he’s not really into it, he’ll take you to another part of the house or outside to lose the person

because of his job hunting ghosts, he doesn’t always want to take you especially after you start dating because he wants to protect you

and usually you end up going to protect him too 

dates for sal normally come spontaneously

you’re studying for a quiz and then suddenly he’s calling you saying to get dressed for a date

it’s usually something small too like a picnic or a trip to the lake “because the moon looks incredible tonight” but it’s his way of showing you how much he loves you

he likes to be with you when you work on projects or when you’re studying because then he can study you and watch you work

he can keep to himself most of the time and is a great encourager when it comes to school or if you’re stressed

“sal, if i have to write another paragraph i’m going to combust” you said stretching from hours of poor posture

“you’re almost done and when you’re done, you can lay on me and we’ll watch a movie. Or sleep” 

he likes to kiss your temple when you’re working so not to distract you but letting you know he’s there for you

something he hasn’t told you is that he has been taking art lessons from ash to try and draw people so that he can draw you and capture how he sees you in the moment

they are all rough sketches and he wants to show you when he is happy with one 

he is always the one to show you new music that he likes and gets really excited to have you listen

he connects through music and sharing it together is his love language on its own

there is nothing he can’t talk to you about and you are almost always the first person to know about everything 

new gadgets him and Todd are making? he’ll come in explaining the process and what each one does

or even the smallest things like how the grocery store is out of his favorite chips

overall 10/10 ghost hunting best friend and boyfriend who loves you very much <3

[lacrimosathedark]

I have made some DC posts that people actually show interest in (and most of them seem to like with...one exception) but I know a not insubstantial portion of DC fandom watches the Young Justice cartoon, and I don’t. I have no intention to change that in the near future. But because I Have A Problem and constantly feel the need to explain myself for things, I’m going to do that.

Before that, DISCLAIMER: I am NOT saying the show is inherently bad, nor do I think anyone is dumb or wrong for liking it or even preferring it to the comics. It’s just not MY thing.

If you are sensitive to people not liking things you enjoy, seriously, don’t read this. I’m not attacking anyone, this is all my personal opinion and preferences.

So!

Reasons I Don’t Watch Young Justice

1. I suck at watching things.

Honestly my biggest reason. I was that kid in school that everyone was like “you haven’t seen [supposedly culturally iconic or currently popular movie]?! Seriously!?! That’s insane! You HAVE to!”

AND THEN I DIDN’T

A big part of that is my brain is Dumb. I have Inattentive-Type ADHD. This means my brain is very bad at focusing, especially on things I’m not like, super fixated on (and even then, I often overwhelm myself). So I’m not good at sitting down and watching things, even when I AM interest.

People have been telling me to watch and/or read Lord of the Rings for pretty much ever. GUESS WHAT I’VE NEVER SEEN

I loved Supernatural, as shitty as it could be. I haven’t watched every episode in any season past season 6.

I have had lists of anime and video games I want to watch. Still haven’t.

I’ve been recommended books (and I’m generally better at reading than watching) that sound awesome that I STILL have not picked up.

I have been intending to watch Moon Knight, which I actually really want to watch. Guess what I haven’t done.

2. My brain seems to like comic books more.

I didn’t get to have comic books as a kid just because it wasn’t a big thing where I lived so my exposure was limited. However, there’s a crossover exposure that my brain liked.

I grew up loving anime, and read a lot of manga. I also grew up playing Spider-Man video games. And then, I also grew up watching the old Teen Titans cartoon.

All these kind of combine into a certain predisposition towards consuming media in a certain way.

3. It doesn’t mesh with my comic experience.

I, like I presume a good chunk of other tumblr users, got into comics because of ThePandaRedd from TikTok. He is just so fucking funny and it drew me in. And if you don’t know, a lot of his content is Bat family related. So, that’s what I was drawn to. Growing up with the Teen Titans show, I was also lowkey predisposed to an interest in Robin anyway.

I quickly learned all I could about all of Batman’s many kids (because wtf my guy). To do that, I started watching comic videos on youtube, reading wikis, finding comic book pages on tumblr. I eventually grew to love all of them.

But I learned about and almost immediately fell in love with Jason Todd, Tim Drake, and Cassandra Cain.

Why does this matter to my point? Well...

4. That’s not Young Justice.

The show is called Young Justice, but like...that’s not Young Justice. That’s basically the Teen Titans.

I have seen clips of the first episode. I don’t remember all of it, but three characters I distinctly remember being present for the formation of that Young Justice was Dick Grayson, Wally West, and Roy Harper. In comics, they were never Young Justice. Those three specifically founded the Teen Titans with Garth and Donna Troy. Like???

Young Justice in the comics is formed by Tim Drake, Superboy (later named Kon-El and Conner Kent), and Bart Allen. Not long after they add Greta Hayes and Cassie Sandsmark and on and on but like, those three boys are at the center. So much so that them, along with Cassie Sandsmark, are known as the Core Four among the fandom. And they are all intimately close friends and those relationships actually mean a lot to me.

Just a glance at the wiki makes me just...my skin is crawling. Kon joins the team with Dick, long before Tim is on the team. Ugh.

Kon dates Miss Martian, which...I don’t know much about the Martians and Kon is a flirt but like...the other characters he’s usually closer with--ugh.

Tim dates Cassie??? Without the influence of losing Conner??? And also idk does he date Stephanie? Because Tim and Steph are like, a big thing and tbh the only more intimate relationship Tim has is with Conner effin Kent, and I know Steph is in the show. (Also for a show that has a bunch of queer stuff, why does my duck boy not have a boyfriend of any kind? I know Bernard is super recent but he’s been like queercoded forever so like where is it?)

Speaking of that relationship, where is it? Even in a platonic sense, because Kon is consistently borderline obsessed with being Tim’s friend. Tim is probably the most important person to him; throughout especially the Teen Titans run Kon relied on Tim for emotional support and put a lot of faith in him. Tim literally lost his goddamn mind when Conner died. Like, he tried to bring Steph back with a Lazarus Pit. Okay, kinda fucked, but it’s happened. But when Kon died, Tim changed his costume to match Kon’s colors, tried to clone him, and “dated” his ex-girlfriend (who had, at the time, literally joined a cult who had hoped to bring Conner back). Um??? And then when Kon came back, Kon’s support made a huge difference in Tim’s shitty mental health. And the second time they met after Kon came back, Tim threw himself at Kon to hug him. And Conner refused to accept anyone but Tim (Damian specifically, but also Steph) as Robin. To him, Tim will always be Robin (and he will always be Tim’s clone boy <3). These two are a pair, platonic or otherwise, and that they aren’t so close in this show is upsetting to me.

Bart at least doesn’t appear before Tim does but he’s still seemingly not close to the rest of the “Core Four” and that just makes me so incredibly sad. I mean, points for making him not straight I guess but like...those friendships are really important to him. Like, Kon has historically been almost like his mom-friend, making sure he’s taken care of even when Bart is doing everything to avoid his issues (not that Conner’s much better at that, but yknow). The newer Young Justice comics, Conner totally mom’s Bart. He full names him (”Bartholomew Allen the Second! Don’t run away from me!” literally all that’s missing is his middle name and a scolding “young man”), and grabs some of his favorite snacks for when he wakes up after he passes out. And he also immediately called Tim because from the beginning there’s been the joke of the co-parenting Bart. And another point to Conner relying on Tim and just UGH.

And y’know, if they’re just gonna do Teen Titans, where are Vic and Raven and Kory? Like, I’m glad they had lesser known Titans like Karen Beecher and Mal Duncan but like...idk. I personally grew up with them, and if you’re gonna have Beast Boy, I feel like Cyborg and Raven kinda come with that package. And Starfire comes with the Raven package. Just my personal feelings there.

Small note since I mentioned my other beloved Bats: I know very little about what’s happening with them, but Cass is Cassandra Wu-San and Jason seems to still be brain-dead. Like, pre-Lazarus Pit brain-dead. Like I just...don’t know.

5. Artemis unreasonably pisses me off.

Prefacing this with, she’s not necessarily a bad character (I honestly can’t judge that with what little I know). This is honestly mostly because my brain is dumb.

First of all, it takes my brain several jumps to figure out who someone’s talking about when they talk about her.

“Y’know, Artemis.”

“You mean Artemis Grace of Bana-Mighdall, badass redhead Amazon, archer and ax-wielder,  and Jason Todd’s bestie/former girlfriend?”

“No, the blonde archer, in Young Justice.”

“...You mean Cissie King-Jones, Arrowette?”

“No, from the show.”

“...Oh.”

And then she’s paired up with Wally West apparently. Which unnecessarily gets under my skin.

Look, the only person I can see Wally with other than his wife Linda is Dick Grayson, and that is really because he seems just as obsessively protective about both of them. I cannot imagine Wally without either of them, and tbh the idea of him not have Jai and Irey makes me so fucking sad. Man would do literally anything for his children. I know he’s dated other girls before Linda, but it still rubs me the wrong way.

In that same vein...

6. Zatanna

I know she’s implied to have...been with Dick Grayson in the show. In general, who can blame her, it’s Dick Grayson.

However, in the show, she’s around Dick’s age.

In the comics, she was childhood friends with Bruce Wayne. Those two are best friends. They sort of almost dated for a while. I may be wrong, but I think Z may even be a little older than Bruce.

And that just really freaks me out, okay? It puts me off. My brain doesn’t want to compute that her age is different than it is in the comics.

(Also I’m a fan off her on-off relationship with the lovable chaotic fuckboy that is John Constantine.)

7. What the FUCK is going on with Roy Harper? Also Cheshire and Lian.

Like, there’s like, three different versions of him or something? And the “real” Roy isn’t even Lian’s father? Like, this is things I’ve just learned from vague clips and they make me irrationally frustrated.

As for Cheshire, I know she’s played to be sympathetic in the show, to at least some extent. Which isn’t a problem.

But I don’t like her.

She did, at one point, truly love Roy. She genuinely loves her daughter probably more than anything in the world. She is, arguably, the best mother she could be given the circumstances.

That being said, this is a woman who loves what she does. She revels in her job as an assassin. She enjoys the taunting, the fighting, the killing. She finds amusement in seeing people fall to her poisons. And as much as she loves her daughter, she would not give up being an assassin to raise her.

Jade Nguyen is an awful person in my eyes and that cartoon won’t change that.

I’m also not invested in that Lian.

Every clip I’ve seen of cartoon Lian looks nothing like any version of Lian I know and love. Like, the closest is Kingdom Come Red Hood with her long red hair, but her hair was distinctly curly and she looked like Jade, according to little Lian. Then there’s little Lian, black haired, clearly Asian girl, being raised with numerous superheroes and knowing Navajo traditions, sweet and clever and brilliant and whose favorite color is red. And then there’s Shoes, who while many don’t like her mostly due to her amnesia, I do. Blue hair and usually blue lipstick, seemingly temporary (or at least inconsistent) tattoos on her neck and arms, one of Catwoman’s Alleytown Strays and upcoming vigilante Cheshire Cat. Clearly clever, already a hacker, wears a red baseball hat (like Roy!) and fishnets (like Dinah!) and all around a ‘fuck you’ attitude while still being a sweetheart, very much like Selina.

The overall white-looking brown-haired girl in pink I keep seeing doesn’t click as Lian to me. That’s not the girl I adore. And as of late, Lian has been really important to me.

I don’t know if that’s even everything, but I felt I had to get it out of my system. Particularly about Artemis. I really don’t know why that makes me so upset but I don’t like it. At All.

Sorry, my content, aside from maybe a jokey reblog, will never be about the Young Justice cartoon. I don’t intend to bash it, but I’m not gonna watch it, and comment much on it either. If that’s content you want, you won’t find it here.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[stxleslyds]

Jason doesn't show up in DC's animated series (though the does "spiritually" show up as Tim Drake in Season 2 of Batman the Animated Series).

Jason has a strong presence in the video games, though. So what is your opinion on Jason's characterization for Arkham Knight? He is a DLC for the Injustice games as well. Judy be warned that I did watch some clips of Arkham Knight and the torture was too gruesome for me.

RED HOOD IN VIDEO GAMES.

Hey there friend, thank you for the ask!

INJUSTICE 2.

I had to do some research on Red Hood’s appearances in the Injustice games because I was never really in touch with that story. Here is what I knew about it, there are two games for PC, one of them is Injustice and the other is Injustice 2, the games also have the comic books that give context/background to the lore of the game.

I used to play Injustice: Gods Among Us on mobile phone, and I had Jason as a playable character there, I also found out way too late that “Nightwing” wasn’t really Dick Grayson, it was Damian because he took on the mantle after he and the rock killed Dick in the comic (forever mad at that ridiculous death and the kinda scary art that comic had).

I looked for information about Red Hood’s backstory in wikis and all that because I refuse to read an alternate universe book written by Tom Taylor, there are things that I am just not willing to do.

All in all, I think that this Jason was in surface level, the same as his canon comic counterpart up until the time of his resurrection. Given that the world was at war and the League of Assassins wasn’t working openly, he and the others had to live in the shadows, he seems to have been trained proficiently by both Batman and the LoA so he is a very hardcore opponent. There are some bits of his story with Damian and a place called Gorilla City that I do not understand because I haven’t read the comics but I am fine without it.

The thing is that this Jason is pretty cool, he sticks to his morals and fights for what he believes is right, he doesn’t look like the kinda guy that takes sides in this war which is probably the best idea. Both Batman and Superman seem to be on the wrong side of history with they ideals.

What I did see and I loved eternally was the ending to Red Hood’s story, I will link the video here! But I will also copy and paste all that he says there because I think it’s really important and where I was able to see more of his characterization.

"That. Felt. Good. Titanium composite hollow point bullets with a C4 kicker. Fastest, most explosive ammo in the world. I made them myself. With the invasion over, Bruce and Superman started fighting again. I wasn't down with either of them. On the one hand, the Regime's right. Scumbag murderers and rapists deserve to die. But on the other hand, I'm no fan of government authority. Especially the dictatorial variety.

So, while the world's finest fight each other, I fight for the people. The weak. The innocent. Anyone who can't protect themselves. When they cry out for a saviour, I'll answer. As for the criminals that threaten them? They need to know that their actions have consequences. That the Red Hood is coming for them.”

This is excellent, I absolutely love this, this Jason knows his morals and doesn’t bow down to anyone and in the end, he is truly a hero to the people that need heroes the most.

Him saying that he believes that some criminals have to die but that he can’t really join Superman’s side because he cannot associate with it because he isn’t a fan of dictatorial ideas, I love this man.

I feel like this is a fair characterization for Jason, I believe that if something along the lines of what happens in Injustice happens in current continuity then Jason wouldn’t join any sides, he wouldn’t be neutral per se but he will fight for his own ideals. And his ideals in most universes are protecting people and I think that’s great. I love to see a world where Jason is seen as more intelligent and put together than the Batman.

Something that I find quite funny and interesting from this game is the dialogues that characters have with each other when they fight, I found this video compilation where you can see all the dialogues between Red Hood vs Robin (Damian Wayne), they are so fun and I love the animations too.

BATMAN: ARKHAM KNIGHT.

Oh, ArkhamVerse Jason, my beloved.

He is, to me, the epitome of this meme.

I have actually watched the whole game playthrough, several times, and Jason had a DLC as the Red Hood for that game (Nightwing has one too and I will talk about it later because I love this version of him). And, yes, the torture scene is very gruesome, it was incredibly sad and it made me feel bad. But I also think that they made it that way so it could support the kind of storytelling they were going for.

The reality is that this Jason suffered his whole life, and was constantly introduced to lifestyles that he never wanted to be part of. The world around this Jason wasn’t kind at all to him and there is a long list of people who did him wrong.

Although ArkhamVerse Jason didn’t die, like his comic counterpart did, he suffered the most. And his suffering really drove him to be the best version of an unhinged Jason Todd. But it’s clear, his brutality and murder intent isn’t laced with his Red Hood persona or at least not on the same level as it is with his Arkham Knight persona.

This Jason’s characterization works to perfection, but it only works that way because he was well developed within the game lore and the comics. This Jason was extremely well trained, he is probably the smartest version of Jason, his mind and his level of preparedness are unparalleled when it comes to other Jason Todd variants (a little MCU Loki talk right there).

I would go as far as to say that this Jason would be an excellent match to peak Dick Grayson from before New 52 in comics. Those two would clash so immensely, but man, it would be one hell of an intellectual and physical fight. Two Kings doing what they do best.

Anyway, for now take my word for how well characterized Jason is in the ArkhamVerse, I will make a post were I deep dive more on his character both in game and comics. There is so much to say about him, he is truly interesting and very complex.

Now, I will be a little cheeky and I will use this ask as an opportunity to talk about my man, ArkhamVerse Nightwing aka Pretty Boy.

I love him so much! In the game when you get to meet him (I will link the video here! it’s five minutes long, and worth the watch) you get to see both Nightwing’s and Dick’s personalities. Nightwing is fun and relaxed, he is a little bit cocky and doesn’t let Batman be a pain in his ass, he is truly a beast. Although he is never seen without the mask in a moment when he is alone with Bruce you can really see Dick’s personality shine through. He obviously has had issues with Bruce in the past but there is also this palpable respect coming from both of them to the other. Bruce wants to protect Dick but he acts like a jerk instead of telling him what is on his mind. Dick wants to help Bruce at all costs, he refuses to leave Gotham until they solve something that he was already working on before Bruce needed his help.

There is also this sort of goodbye scene between the two (I will link it here!) that is extremely sad because Dick doesn’t believe Bruce when he tells him that he is proud of him. Dick cuts him off just when Bruce was trying to open up and I think that scene speaks volumes about how rough their relationship was. Dick never finds out that Bruce was “dying” after being infected with the Joker’s blood/gas, so it’s very bittersweet.

There is also the Nightwing DLC, where we get to see Dick being the best of the best, he is so skilled and funny and smart. It is amazing how much this game made me love their Nightwing even though he doesn’t appear much, his dynamic with Penguin is just perfect, Dick literally makes Penguin’s life very difficult. All of the people working with Penguin kinda fear Dick a little bit, some of them are even impressed by his skills.

Oh and, when Nightwing gets captured at some point in the game, Penguin’s men are saying something along the lines of “I was sure Batman will come in” “how come?” “what’s tied up downstairs and getting the crap beat out of it?” “Oh yeah, Nightwing” and that is so true, if I were Batman, I will also risk my life for Nightwing.

I just love Nightwing, he makes me so happy! He is the best here!

Anyway, enough of me loving Nightwing uncontrollably, I will make a separate post where I only talk about ArkhamVerse Jason so, yeah, be ready for that one because I love that Jason too, he is hot.

[jaimejamieb]

Here’s my Jamie story! Add yours!

I first saw him as Gellert Grindelwald in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and if the books hadn’t convinced me that something was going on between young Albus and Gellert, that photo of him definitely did. Then I YouTubed him and found out about Sweeney Todd, saw it and fell in love with him. Then he was also in Twilight as a Volturi! They are, in my opinion one of the if not the most, fascinating part of the whole series and deserved their own spin off instead of Bree Tanner????

Anyway, back to JCB. He kind of fell of my radar because I was more into other people and things atm. I discovered his Bedales Rock Show video some time later and again fell in love with his amazing voice. I was not a Mortal Instruments fan but I watched those interviews! And boy those interviews were really exposing weren’t they? People in 2010s did not give af. They just made me fall in love with Jamie even more!

I think it was the Counterfeit era though that cemented my love, lust, admiration for this man! I have struggled with addiction, depression and I am very glad to be alive today and his lyrics were extremely healing and got some of my rage out. He also looks so beautiful and powerful and passionate and amazing in all of his shows! I wish I could have attended one!

I keep rediscovering this man over and over again. And we are back to it in 2022 - thank you ST and his becoming more active on everywhere and giving more interviews!

Its so funny that Jamie fits exactly into my type or maybe my type is because Jamie was my first big celebrity crush? Idk. But tall lean slightly muscular guy with floppy hair? Yes. A creative, sensitive, expressive and passionate person? Doesn’t adhere to gender norms and is probably bisexual and just soft and not traditionally masculine? Yes!! Cares about world issues and social Justice issues and is intersectionally inclusive? PLEASEEE. Is spiritual and thoughtful, genuinely funny and into supernatural spooky dark shit? Double yes!! As a bonus and as we know thanks to whoever stalked his follows and found the bdsm account, he is also a freak in the bedroom but also super polite and consensual and most probably a switch! Also yes the hand kink is very much real irl too.

I wish I was joking when I said this but I have had two long term serious relationships with exactly these type of guys and have liked other people who have most of these traits and when I say people.

Coming to the end of this VERY long post, I am just so glad Jamie is back on our screens and is putting out spectacular new music and is so vocal about his thoughts and processes! This man!

[legionofpotatoes]

we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

[adultswim2021]

Stroker and Hoop #7: “Quiller Instinct (a.k.a. Peeping Todd)” | October 10, 2005 – 12:00AM | S01E07

Three episodes of Stroker and Hoop in a row have really taken their toll on me. It's a toll we almost pay (death). What I'm saying is that this episode will kill me, and I am writing around moaning dramatically, assuming I will be dead by morning. Goodbye everyone! Bye bye!

Okay so this one is about an AS SEEN ON TV type gadget guy stealing ideas from the mechanic guy on the show, whose name I think is Double Wide? Is that right? Weird name. Anyway, they steal his ideas and he is left bitter and scorned. We then find out that the company's products are not just stolen, but they also aid in stealing ideas by doubling as surveillance devices. The machines turn out be sentient and are gruesomely attacking their owners. They all reference a specific day of reckoning.

There were two things I liked about this one: first there was a scene where an informant tells Stroker what's going on by handing him a CD, and Stroker scolds her for not putting it in a jewel case. Very funny! AND RELATABLE. Then there's a bit at the end where the robots all start going crazy and mowing everybody down, so Stroker, Hoop, and others just go to Mexico to wait it all out, and that's basically how it ends.

Oh yeah, I forgot there's a subplot that one of the titles is named after: Hoop gets bitten by what he assumes is a radioactive porcupine and gets porcupine powers. Or does he? Anyway, it's sorta creative but it really doesn't yield much in the way of laughs. This whole episode seems okay on paper (as far as Stroker & Hoop episodes go) but man, I am all Stroker'd out.

MAIL BAG:

Did you  know that if you add a YouTube video to a tumblr post and try to insert it in the middle of the post, it’ll instead add itself to the END of a post AND delete whatever last paragraph is on there? Huh! It’s almost like this website sucks or something. Anyway, I’m reposting this mail bag so I can TRY to recreate my original response to it, because Kon literally posted this in private at me and then said “I’m gonna submit this to your blog so you can riff on it” and then I did but it got DELETED:

Man the porno episode of Stroker & Hoop was the first one I really hated. That said, I still searched the internet for an uncensored version lol because it looked like they actually animated the nude scenes for the inevitable, sure-to-be-made Stroker & Hoop season 1 DVD.

DAMN dude, what did I say to this the first time? I remember it ended with the phrase “you believe in HEAVEN, don’t you?”. Anyway, I hope we get a fully X-Rated Stroker and Hoop DVD, against all odds. I wish everything was available on DVD or blu-ray, no matter how bad it is. There should be a law. Sorry this was bad

This Kon guy sounds like a freak! All he cares about is cartoon titties!!! Someone send this dude a Stripperella dvd!!!!!

better yet, SEND IT TO ME! that woman is beautiful!

Way to not riff Kon's awesome mailbag, bro.

Hey! Fuck you pal! I explained myself! You should respect that

"Nothing made me laugh" is your new catchphrase. Because yes.

HEY, I’m at least doing a big smile tonight so that’s something.

does stroker & hoop ever do anything with the 70s cop show pastiche it has going on? i remember AS's black dynamite show (which I remember being ok) did but this seems like it doesn't. i can't even figure out what stroker is supposed to have going for it. i'm not watching to find out for myself, it's banned in this household (bummer)

This is a good point, it seems to be playing dress-up with the 70s aesthetic but it comes off more like a mid-90s cartoon you’d pair with Duckman more than anything else. Could this show be a reference to the 90s fad of 70s nostalgia and not the 70s itself? I don’t know. What I do know is: Duckman is good. I love it.

[alexiessan]

Never alone - Chapter Eleven - Soulmate AU

AO3

Previous - Here - Next

Master List

Tumblr must hate me or something ‘cause it seems to love deleting my chapters and other posts from the tags. You may have missed Chapter Ten, so don’t hesitate to go read it and give me your opinion.

In other news, my back has seized and I’m hurting so much... I swear I’m going to have back problems like old people... Anyway, here is Chapter Eleven!

Marinette smiled as she hung up from her call with Robin. Summer vacations have been very busy for her. She has done commissions for Jagged: an outfit, a poster and the cover of his new album. Marinette was not a professional, so it took her more time to do, but Jagged was very satisfied in the end.

But that meant that Robin’s outfit has been delayed since her trip to Gotham. She managed to send it to a safe address he gave her only last week and he showed her the result during their video call — it was so weird for Marinette to see him in a regular outfit, even if he had his mask on.

During the summer, she also made a lot of plans with her friends: several outings with Alya and Nino — and Adrien when he was allowed and in town. She also watched Kitty Section repeat at least once a week and would go get ice cream with them. She would take Kagami out to get out of her home and her mother’s influence as much as possible.

That summer where she got to see all her friends almost made her forget that their class would change when they would go back to school in September, the very next week.

Max and Adrien would be in Première S, in a class with a science specialty. Rose, Juleka, Nathaniel, Mylène, and Ivan would be in Première L, in a class with literature specialty. The rest of the class all chose to go in Première ES, in a class with economics as a specialty. But even with this same speciality, there was no way to know if they would be in the same class.

She could do without Lila, Chloé, and Sabrina, but she would like to stay in the same class as the others.

For once, the Eurasian girl was organized, and all her things were ready for their first day in class. She just had to pray that no one would get akumatized again. Hawkmoth had a habit to take advantage of someone’s feelings about going back to school, and it was not good for her record to miss an hour or two on the very first day of school.

Luckily, Marinette got the people she wanted in her class. Unfortunately, Chloé and Sabrina were still in her class, but Lila was in the other ES class.

So for this year, she would be in a class with Alya, Nino, Alix, Kim, Chloé, and Sabrina. Aurore Beauréal, Mireille Caquet, and Jean Duparc from Mrs. Mendeleiev’s class were also in her class along with three other students that she didn’t know: Claude, Allan, and Allegra.

It was a small class of thirteen students but Marinette preferred it that way. The professor could help their students better when there was a small number of them in the first place.

Like usual, Marinette brought macarons from her parent’s bakery and shared them with all her classmates. She got to get to know them and had a feeling that they would all get along well.

As for Chloé, well… She still had hope that the girl would start to be kinder.

She was Queen Bee once, so she had the potential to be a good person/ She just had to put the effort into it.

The Akuma didn’t strike during class, but at the end of the day. A kid that didn’t get to be in the same class as his best friend. Chat and Ladybug did a quick job in defeating him and got to talk a little about their first day in class.

Chat was sad as he only got one of his friends in his class. All his other friends were scattered in other specialties and his close group of friends was in the same class.

He told her that he was scared that they would grow apart from him since he wasn’t with them all day anymore.

Ladybug tried to reassure him that if they were really friends, that wouldn’t happen. After all, she thought, she would never allow Adrien to drift apart from them, and she will do everything in her power to maintain her friendships.

A month passed and Marinette was once again elected as the class representative. Except, this time, Alya wasn’t her deputy, but Aurore was.

Aurore was the former class president from Mrs. Mendeleiev’s class and did a very good job, so the fashion designer was confident that they would both work well together.

October was also the month where her parents took a week off from work to travel a little. This year, they would spend a week in Ireland.

Marinette was a bit envious, but she was happy that they could take a little time off for themselves now that she was old and mature enough to stay at home by herself for a week. Her parents made sure she had enough stock of everything to last her for a week so that she didn’t have to buy groceries. They left her some money for emergencies too, but the bluenette knew that she wouldn’t need it.

She hugged her parents tightly and waved them goodbye.

Damian’s new school year, so far, has been pretty good. His new classmates were still idiots, but they were tolerable. He talked to some of them, but he wouldn’t call them friends. At least, they knew that him calling them by their last name meant that he held some respect for them, and they didn’t look for more.

So, yeah, it was good, contrary to his former class where they were always trying to befriend him and would take offense every time he opened his mouth.

Calling Marinette every week made it more tolerable too, as she told him that he didn’t have to be friends with them if he didn’t want to, but should still refrain from insulting them when they didn’t do anything that would deserve such words.

It took a bit of work, but he eventually managed to not insult the people that tried to talk to him.

In September, his best friend, Jon — he would never say that to him, the youngest Kent would never leave him alone if he knew that — found out about him finding his soulmate. He asked questions, a lot of questions, and Damian reluctantly answered. The bespectacled boy wouldn’t shut up until he got answers, so he gave him just that.

He didn’t want to think about the similarities between Jon and Marinette.

Those two should never meet, he promised himself. It would be his end if they did.

Damian came back from school, thinking about Marinette. He wanted to call her after dinner. He knew her parents were gone for a week, so she probably won’t be sleeping until the early hour of the morning back in France.

He didn’t expect to find his family reunited at the dinner table, all looking solemn and worried.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Todd looked at him, handing him his phone. The youngest Wayne took it, seeing a video from the Ladyblog — the blog from Césaire, Marinette’s best friend.

“Take a seat and look at that.”

He really didn’t like the look on his brother’s face so he did just that. As he looked at the phone, the video waiting to be played, Damian suddenly got a bad feeling. He could feel knots in his guts and he looked up at his family once again.

Marinette has “met” Red Hood a few times on their video call. Todd thought it would be funny to crash his video call with his soulmate and to Damian’s misery, the two got along very well and were now thick as thieves.

Like her getting along with Drake wasn’t enough, she had to get along with Todd too.

He knew that Jason liked her a lot, and his face right now made him worry more than he would like.

He finally pressed play.

The video began like any others from the Ladyblog. Césaire explained the situation: a boy from their high school has been akumatized because he got bullied for his love of mangas and animes. The Akuma was named Animechara and his costume looked like this character from Naruto, the one with black hair and red eyes with a sword.

Damian watched, satisfied as Ladybug fought him. She took his advice to heart and took martial art classes. She was fairing very well and he couldn’t help but wonder how much she had progressed since the last time they sparred.

He watched as the Akuma took notice of Césaire.

He watched with dread as Ladybug and Chat Noir noticed that the Akuma’s attention shifted.

He watched as the cat-themed hero tried to distract Hawkmoth’s victim, only to get knocked a few feet away.

He watched with widened eyes as the Akuma threw the sword towards Césaire.

He gasped when Ladybug pushed her friend out of the way and she screamed from the pain as the sword impaled her.

Screams from Chat Noir, from Césaire and from the witnesses could be heard. There were a few more seconds of video, showing Ladybug on the ground, a pool of blood slowly appearing under her as Chat Noir tried to get a response out of her.

Then, the video stopped.

He was silent for a few moments before he looked at his family.

“Do-” he cleared his throat, trying to get his voice under control, trying to not show how worried, how scared he was. “Do we know if she’s ok?”

Todd shook his head and Damian didn’t wait for a verbal answer before he took his phone out, calling Marinette.

The dial tones seemed to last for hours for Damian, until, finally it stopped.

“Marinette! Are you-”

“Salut ! Vous êtes bien sur le répondeur de Marinette Dupain-Cheng ! Je ne suis malheureusement pas disponible pour le moment, mais laissez-moi un message et je vous rappellerai !” (Hi! You've reached Marinette Dupain-Cheng's voicemail! Unfortunately I'm not available at the moment, but leave me a message and I'll call you back!)

Dread settled in Damian and his stomach was in knots. He hung up, not leaving a message.

“I got her voicemail, she’s not answering.”

He tried to call her a second time but to no avail.

“Why- Why is she not answering?!”

He had to calm down. He could not panic. Marinette was probably fine, the Miraculous Cure healed every injury. She must not be near her phone, that must be it. She’s alive and healthy, and probably sketching in her room.

A hand to his shoulder almost made him jump, and he turned to see his father’s hard face.

“Go change into your costume. Take the Zeta tubes and go see her.”

“But, the zeta-”

“I know that we can’t use them just like that, but it’s an emergency. Go.”

He didn’t wait for his father to tell him a second time.

Marinette was in her bed, agonizing. The Miraculous Cure healed her after Chat ended the fight in record time and handed her the akumatized object, but as usual, the pain was still there.

The sword has impaled her right between her breast. Without her suit, she would have been dead in less than five minutes, but the miraculous’ magic kept her alive enough for her to purify the akuma and to cast the cure.

She didn’t tell Chat how much pain she was in. She told him goodbye after telling him to have a talk with Alya about her safety and went back home.

Thankfully, he didn’t try to get her to stay.

So, here she was, two hours after the fight, feeling like her chest was burning from the inside. She took painkillers an hour ago, but it didn’t work at all.

She was glad her parents weren’t home, she didn’t know how she could explain that to them without revealing her identity.

But, maybe she should. She would have to talk about it with Tikki first, and she knew that she wouldn’t approve at all, but the girl was the new Guardian, so she could set new rules if she wanted, right?

But it was a discussion for another time, she thoughts as she couldn’t hold back tears of pain. Right now, she wanted the pain to stop.

She felt guilty about the two phone calls she received. Her phone was on her desk, and the blue-eyed girl was in too much pain to move and answer it.

As she closed her eyes trying to sleep when she knew it wouldn’t come, she heard three knocks. Groaning, thinking it was Chat Noir, she opened her eyes, ready to tell him to go away.

But it wasn’t Chat Noir.

It was her soulmate.

“Robin?”

She could feel tears in her eyes once again. Both from her pain and from the happiness to finally see her boyfriend after five months apart.

Tikki flew up to open the skylight. With her tiny body, she only managed to open it a few inches, but it was enough for Robin to slip his finger in and lift it.

In a few seconds, he was by her side, his hand stroking her cheek. She could see the worry in his eyes.

“I saw the video on the Ladyblog. How are you feeling?”

She gave him a small, strained smile. Taking his hand in hers, she kissed his palm.

“The Miraculous Cure healed me but the pain is still there. It hurts so much.”

“Did you take something for the pain?”

She nodded. “It didn’t work.”

She saw him looking around.

“Do you have a heating pad or something? It won’t make the pain go away, but heat can appease it a little.”

She pointed at a dog plush at the end of her bed.

“It’s actually a… a bouillotte. You can put it in the microwaves.”

He frowned, trying to remember what a bouillotte was.

“Oh! A heat-storing cushion! But as a plush.” he smiled at her. “It’s cute.” He kissed her on the forehead and stroked her hair. “I’ll be right back.”

Robin came back from the kitchen after heating the plush. He handed her the dog plush and lied beside her, bringing her closer to him and resting his hand on her hip. He watched as she sighed when she put the plush on her chest. He could see she was still in great pain, but at least the heat appeased it a little.

She looked at him with eyes full of happiness, and he couldn’t understand how she could be so happy and in so much pain at the same time.

“Hey.” she stroked his cheek and kissed him on the lips. “I’m so happy to see you.”

His only answer was to kiss her again, longer this time. He hoped that she knew it meant he was happy to see her too.

“I wish it was in other circumstances, though.” he said after breaking the kiss.

“Yeah.”

He looked around, taking in her room.

She laughed.

“I know, it’s a lot of pink.”

“Yeah, but that’s totally you. Can’t say I’m surprised.”

She yawned.

He kissed her temple. Then, her jaw, her nose, her neck, and finally her lips.

“You should get some sleep.”

She nodded, grasping his cape, as if not wanting him to go.

He took the hand grasping the clothe in his, kissing the top of her head.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”

He felt more than saw her nod and took her in his arms when she tried to get closer to him. he waited until the pattern of her breathing changed and he was sure that she was asleep before he closed his eyes too, taking in her scent.

He fell asleep five minutes after she did.

Tag List:

@bigpicklebananatree @animegirlweeb @crazylittlemunchkin @northernbluetongue @cutechip @justafanwarrior @iloontjeboontje @resignedcatservant @maribat-is-lifeblood @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @toodaloo-kangaroo @mikantsume @dast218 @amayakans @zestyzealot @lunarwolfspn @corabeth11​ @marinettepotterandplagg​

[desire-mona]

dead poets society chars but i assign them random things ive seen happen on the internet / random videos or posts i remember (not based on anything it is genuinely at random):

neil - tony crynight's fnaf animation series which i dont entirely remember the plot of but i'll try to describe. so basically its fake mangle lore to say that mangle is the way they are (all broken and shit) because Mangle kissed Foxy and Chica got jealous so she took a Machete to Mangle to Mangled them. and then the gang tries to save mangle or whatever

todd - fluffle puff, someones pink fluffy mlp oc who was in lesbians with chrysalis (i think thats her name, i never watched mlp). mosy notably known for the animation to pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows. also the creator is a pedophile i think

charlie - sorrow tv and his entire existence. sorrow tv was a youtuber who made videos reading out reddit videos in silly voices. there was a whole posse of youtubers who did this, and he was the most popular just bc his voice acting was rly good. i still watch him every couple months even tho he hasnt posted since 2021.

cameron - does bruno mars is gay? i think about cameron man door hand hook car door every day, so i obviously need to point to my third favourite silly trying to be serious sentence. most ppl know this from game grumps but im not linking a game grumps video on here. rumour come out!

knox - venturiantale, the youtube channel usually consisting of 4? siblings playing gmod together usually. the channel itself was ran by this guy named jordan i think? and his siblings has their own channels. i knew them best for their fnaf gmod videos and their fanmail videos. turns out they were all very christian? and the whole family was abusive and way deep into said christianity if i remember correctly, one of the siblings who left first made a video on it. the venturiantale channel hasnt posted in like 2 yrs and the slow death was kinda sad to see bc he (jordan) blamed it all on The Algorithm.

meeks - that one nagito komaeda kinnie back in Whenever it was cutting off their finger to. i guess prove that they were a nagito kinnie frfr? if u dont know danganronpa lore then nagito gets his hand cut off and replaced with junko enoshima's hand because sheeeee got... executed? i wont lie i dont remember this part of the games story sorry. but essentially that one person was like I Gotta Do That........ anyway im jk the audio was faked and nothing actually happened + the person is fine LAWL

pitts - the key of awesome's parody of tiktok by kesha called glitter puke. theres no lore to this the key of awesome is / was ? a silly little song parody channel. this video was made in 2010 and it kinda shows in some moments but other than that it holds up. just checked and the key of awesome is Not still going, it ended 6 years ago and the last video was actually rly good and genuine

keating - onma island is buried a treasure chest. ok so basically mr beast made a video talking abt a private island and he buried. a treasure chest for a viewer to find. during the video he said "on my island is buried a treasure chest" but it sounded like "onma" which this one youtuber (pinely) found rly funny. it became an inside joke with his friends (one of whom got a tattoo) which then became a lowkey meme. mr beast even tweeted it so. good lord thats a lot of links sorry there isnt a know your meme page or anything

chris - i dont have any links for this one sorry, im just gonna tell the story and u have to believe me when i say i swear it happened (its very a believable fandom story im sure you will). so back when the genshin impact was still in its fairly early days (late 2020-early 2021) the phrase "hear me out" to refer to characters n stuff started becoming popular I THINK at the same time. so people in the genshin fandom were like hear me out with increasingly more heinous shit. started with characters, then npcs, then enemies, then bosses, then weapons, the stamina bar at one point, etc. a lot of these were jokes or straight up bait but back then (maybe now too - i havent been part of the genshin fandom for a LONG time) people took bait far more often than they didnt. so it became a "genshin fandom bad" gotcha to point out That One stamina bar post.

ginny - $300 junko enoshima wig! sorry for double dipping with danganronpa it was just the first fandom i actually started like. on purpose noting fandom happenings with + a lot of shit happens in that fandom. this one cosplayer who at the time was called snowthesaltqueen / badguyincorporated started selling pre-made (and styled) junko enoshima cosplay wigs for $300. which WOULD be fair (i think? idk how cosplay commissions work) if said wig was styled well or quality at all, but what was ACTUALLY provided was a rly basic wig base and few clips with no note or no nothing, and rly flat. like on purpose. like that was "the styling". also you may recognise this cosplayer for 1) getting in trouble when they did a cosplay photoshoot (danganronpa cosplay funnily enough) in a graveyard, posing ON a gravestone. 2) KILLING SOMEONE. they were screwing around with a firearm and fake pointing it at someone and then they accidentally shot them.

i could do this forever like actually. i have SO many internet stories in my brain its actually bad.

[letterboxd]

Pride: 25 Queer Films To Love.

Dating Amber writer and director David Freyne introduces our London correspondent Ella Kemp to 25 of his favorite LGBTQIA films.

A coming-out, coming-of-age film, David Freyne’s Dating Amber follows “baby gays” Eddie (Fionn O’Shea) and Amber (Lola Petticrew), who act as each other’s beards in order to stop speculation about their sexualities. Released on Amazon Prime Video in the UK for Pride month, it’s winning praise from Letterboxd members as a “charming” and “gentle” comedy-drama “full of loveliness that extends beyond the Irish accents”.

Lola Petticrew and Fionn O’Shea as Amber and Eddie in ‘Dating Amber’.

As the number of films by and about the gay and trans community expands, we asked Freyne if he could narrow down a list of ten favorites for us. The answer was no—instead, we got 25!

“There are so many extraordinary queer films beyond this list, but all of these films just really affected me when I saw them. Some were the first time I saw queerness on screen, while I deeply identified with others. And, as a filmmaker, each of them makes me braver to fight to tell stories that aren't always easy to get made.

“They are in no particular order because I don’t want to bump into Barry Jenkins (which is obviously going to happen) and have to explain that he is number five on that list (that he will definitely read) for no specific reason. It’s just a technicality.”

David Freyne’s 25 Favorite LGBTQIA+ Films

My Summer of Love (2004) Directed by Paweł Pawlikowski

Paweł Pawlikowski’s film feels like a dream that sweeps you up along with it, helped along by incredible early performances from Natalie Press and Emily Blunt. The hypnotic use of Goldfrapp's ‘Lovely Head’ is probably my favorite use of a song in any film ever. Their drug-fuelled dancing was a massive inspiration for Eddie and Amber’s baby steps into Dublin’s gay scene in Dating Amber.

Weekend (2011) Directed by Andrew Haigh

I never fail to cry buckets at the end of this heartbreaking gem. It’s small in the best sense of the word. Two people fall in love over one intimate weekend. Their gayness is both incidental and totally fundamental. It’s so delicate and moving. Andrew Haigh is a master.

But I’m a Cheerleader (1999) Directed by Jamie Babbit

Jamie Babbit’s debut is a brilliant, campy comedy about a cheerleader sent to a conversion therapy camp. I love it for all the reasons many critics (at the time) disliked it. It is subversive, quirky and defiantly upbeat. And it stars Natasha Lyonne and Clea Duvall. Enough said.

Paris is Burning (1990) Directed by Jennie Livingston

I’m not saying anything new when I say that Paris is Burning is necessary viewing. It’s a hilarious, moving and eye-opening look at the (mostly) Black trans women in New York’s ball scene. It is a glimpse into the lives of these extraordinary people who risked everything to live authentically, for themselves and each other. And at a time when our trans family is so under attack, it is vital to see such iconic figures from our community. You’ve probably seen it. Re-watch it. Also those end notes will make you cry.

Happy Together (1997) Directed by Wong Kar-wai

As with all Wong Kar-wai’s work, it is jaw-droppingly gorgeous. It’s a tough watch, a portrait of a toxic, failing relationship. But it looks beautiful. They’re miserable and co-dependent. It’s abusive and awful. But it’s great. It really is a great film. I’m not selling this one well. Just watch it.

Moonlight (2016) Directed by Barry Jenkins

Definitely worth watching after Happy Together. Not just because it will make you feel better, but because Barry Jenkins has noted it as a big influence. Also, Moonlight is a masterpiece. You know that, of course. Side note: I realize I’ll never be able to create a hand-job scene as powerful and tender as Jenkins did here, but, in Dating Amber, I made three comedy hand-jobs. Take that Jenkins!

God’s Own Country (2017) Directed by Francis Lee

You can feel Francis Lee in every frame of this film. It’s personal filmmaking at its very best, with wonderful performances from Josh O’Connor and Alec Secăreanu. And it has the most beautifully romantic ending that you only realize we lack for LGBTQ characters when you see it laid out so wonderfully. When we were trying to finance Dating Amber and people suggested it was too Irish, I’d just reference God’s Own Country, which is so defiantly Yorkshire, and they’d shut up. Also, Secăreanu’s jumper with a thumb hole is my style icon. Bring on Ammonite!

Can You Ever Forgive Me? (2018) Directed by Marielle Heller

Marielle Heller is such a brilliant filmmaker. This film is based on the memoir by Lee Israel who forged letters by famous people to sell. It’s a genre piece that feels like it could have been made in the 70s. But what I love about it the most is that it is a rare example of a film that centers the friendship between a lesbian and a gay man. Why do films usually treat us like we exist in totally separate worlds? Anyway, it’s a joyous watch.

Tangerine (2015) Directed by Sean Baker

I’m obsessed with tightly plotted films and Tangerine doesn’t waste a frame. It’s 88 minutes of pure wit, charm and entertainment in line with the best of old-school Hollywood. You instantly forget that Baker’s film is shot on an iPhone and just get swept up in the extraordinary performances of Mya Taylor and Kitana Kiki Rodriguez. It’s such a mystery they don’t work more. (Reader: it’s not a mystery. It’s because they are Black trans women, and the industry is shit.)

Portrait of a Lady On Fire (2019) Directed by Céline Sciamma

We all bow at the alter of Céline Sciamma. This film is perfection. The sparse-but-powerful use of music, exquisite photography and extraordinary performances that burn beneath the stillness. The final shots of Adèle Haenel will feed your soul for a year. (Side note: face masks have never looked so stylish.)

Sunday Bloody Sunday (1971) Directed by John Schlesinger

This was John Schlesinger’s follow up to his best-known film, Midnight Cowboy. A middle-aged gay doctor (Peter Finch), and a divorced woman (Glenda Jackson), are both in an open love triangle with a younger, bisexual sculptor (Murray Head). It’s quite low-key and far tamer now than when it was released, but it’s a beautiful film and Schlesinger’s most personal. He was one of the few openly gay directors of his time. And Jackson’s performance steals it.

Far From Heaven (2002) Directed by Todd Haynes

Todd Haynes’ stunning film will make you immediately go out and discover all of Douglas Sirk’s glorious technicolor melodramas. Julianne Moore’s performance as a wife who discovers her husband is gay will break you. Dennis Quaid is also terrific as her closeted husband.

The Watermelon Woman (1996) Directed by Cheryl Dunye

Cheryl Dunye’s low-budget debut is a seminal queer film. A video store worker and documentarian (played by Dunye) starts a new relationship while becoming obsessed with ‘the watermelon woman’, a Black actress forgotten by history. It’s lo-fi, funny and a, far too rare, film about race and sexuality.

My Beautiful Laundrette (1985) Directed by Stephen Frears

It may have been the first time I saw gay characters on screen and, at the time, it petrified me. But what an amazing film about love, acceptance and the power to change. Fun fact: Daniel Day-Lewis spent a year as a tumble dryer in preparation for his role.

Beautiful Thing (1996) Directed by Hettie MacDonald

Hettie MacDonald’s coming-of-age film is so lovely, honest and tender. James Harvey adapted it from his own play of the same name. The soundtrack is almost entirely The Mamas and the Papas. I am surprised some cigar-smoking West-End mogul hasn’t attempted a musical adaptation. Or maybe they have, I don’t know.

Pride (2014) Directed by Matthew Warchus

Such a purely entertaining film while being urgent, political and deeply moving. Beresford’s script is a masterclass in plotting and if you don’t cry at the end then you are dead inside. Sorry but that’s just science. Also it has the most emotional postscript coda since, well, Paris is Burning.

Love is Strange (2014) Directed by Ira Sachs

Ira Sachs is one of my favorite current filmmakers and criminally underrated. I mean, he’s appreciated, but he needs to be lauded. Love is Strange is such a charming and quietly devastating love story about an older gay couple who lose their apartment and have to couch surf with relatives. It’s one of the most effective films in dealing with the rental crisis in big cities, something he does equally brilliantly in the follow-up, Little Men.

A Fantastic Woman (2017) Directed by Sebastián Lelio

Sebastián Lelio’s film is a beautiful story about one trans woman’s grief after the unexpected death of her older partner. But what makes this film so spectacular is the captivating performance by Daniela Vega. We need to see more of her on screen.

BPM (Beats per Minute) (2017) Directed by Robin Campillo

It’s a film about the AIDS activism of Act Up in 1990s Paris. What makes this so incredible is how joyous it is. Strobe-doused dance scenes punctuate this film that will make you want to take to the streets and fight for your rights.

The Queen of Ireland (2015) Directed by Conor Horgan

This documentary by Conor Horgan follows Ireland’s most famous drag queen, Panti Bliss (aka Rory O’Neill). It’s about his life, a legal battle (a bunch of homophobes sued Rory for calling them homophobes on national TV) and the staging of a show in his hometown. Central to all this is Ireland’s historic vote on marriage equality, something that Panti was a powerful figure in. If you want to laugh and have your heart soar in seeing confirmation of how a once painfully conservative country moved to love and equality, watch this.

The Kids Are All Right (2010) Directed by Lisa Cholodenko

Lisa Cholodenko’s feature is a warm, witty and realistic look at a lesbian couple and their children. Every performance is pitch perfect. I can’t believe it’s a decade old and that we have had so few similar films since.

Booksmart (2019) Directed by Olivia Wilde

We need more joyous films with queer leads and Olivia Wilde’s debut is just that. Set over one night of belated partying, we follow best friends Molly and Amy (Beanie Feldstein and Kaitlyn Dever), one of whom happens to be a lesbian. It is just so much fun to watch.

All About My Mother (1999) Directed by Pedro Almodóvar

I mean this list could just be an Almodóvar filmography, but All About My Mother just happened to be the first of his I saw and it blew my little gay mind. It’s simply about love in its truest sense. Almodóvar said it best with his dedication, “To all actresses who have played actresses. To all women who act. To men who act and become women. To all the people who want to be mothers. To my mother.”

Female Trouble (1974) Directed by John Waters

You can’t have a queer film list without John Waters, and this 1974 classic is my favorite of his. It follows Dawn Davenport (played by the legendary Divine) from teen delinquent to the electric chair. It’s hilarious, irreverent and distasteful in the ways only Waters can be.

Saint Maud (2019) Directed by Rose Glass

Rose Glass’s debut film isn’t out yet and so technically shouldn’t be on the list. But I saw at a festival last year and loved it, so there. It’s a horror film about a private nurse (rising star Morfydd Clark) who tries to save the soul of her deviant and lesbian patient (the always-brilliant Jennifer Ehle). It’s eerie, stylish and the sort of debut all us filmmakers wish we had. Shut up, you’re jealous!

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[fanfic-inator795]

Once Rise sucks me back in on the seventh, I plan on drawing that Hippoworm wedding pic (sorry about the wait btw), so if you wanted to elaborate on that (either the mutant or Repo’s Seven AU version of their wedding) I would like to see if I could work any headcanons in, or at least have them in mind while I’m drawing?

Awww, thank you! ^v^ And no worries! I totally get kinda losing interest in a project for a bit cause of various things, and your art is totally worth the wait! ^v^

Heh, I’m not sure how many of these you can fit into a drawing, and it’s totally fine if you can’t fit them in, I know I’m gonna love your drawing no matter what! ^v^ 

But I’m gonna list out as much as I can just cause I love gushing about/thinking about fictional weddings (if only because a. I love my OTPs and I wanna see them happy and b. there’s a good chance I’ll never get married, and if I do it’ll most likely be a quick courthouse thing, so this is my outlet. Apologies in advance if this gets kinda long, lol). Anyway:

Mutant:

For obvious reasons, they couldn’t go all out, but they did as much as they could, having a small ceremony in Central Park at night with the reception being at an empty warehouse down at the docks (since their apartment would be WAYYYY too small, even if there’s less than a dozen people attending their wedding.)

The ELoM attend (mostly for the free food, but also because hey, it’s a sweet occasion and despite their villainy, they aren’t heartless.)

Meatsweats even offers to bring the cake, and Warren and Hypno agree since it’s the one dish he can’t put mutant meat in. Todd officiates so who knows if it’s completely legal but whatever, it’s a real wedding to them at least and that’s all that matters. They also make sure to record their wedding so they can watch it over and over

Warren was a bit of a groomzilla, because he loves Hypno so much and just wants everything to be right and perfect. He never takes it out on Hypno, thankfully, but everyone else kinda has to keep their distance until he’s able to chill tf out

Hypno makes all the flowers for the ceremony himself through his magic. LOTS of roses - mainly pink, purple and yellow with red at the tips (which, of course, symbolize friendship turning into love)

They walk down the aisle together, Warren on Hypno’s shoulder and the two of them holding hands (er, finger).

Hypno’s vows are so dang sappy and romantic that it takes Warren a few minutes to calm himself down enough to say his own vows. Warren also includes a bit of Maori in his vows as a nod to his husband’s culture. It’s a bit broken, but the message can still be understood and Hypno is still touched by the gesture

At the reception and after the first dance, Warren sings a love song to Hypno, wanting to give Hypno a little something extra since their dancing is really just Hypno swaying back and forth with Warren in his hands, and Hypno absolutely loves it, practically falling in love with him all over again on the spot.

Not that it matters really cause of the mutant situation, but Hypno takes Warren’s last name, hyphenating his own and becoming Mezmer-Ron “Hypnopotamus” Patel-Stone.

...idk if they’d actually do this but the idea is kinda funny to me so I’m mentioning it here: A couple weeks later, they stage another wedding and invite the Turtles to it, turning it into an elaborate trap.

“I can’t believe it. You would pretend to get married and fake a whole wedding just to try and capture us?!”

“Oh no no, the marriage is legitimate. We had our actually wedding at the start of the month.” “Technically this is our honeymoon.” *the two share a kiss* “We just thought that since we had all this leftover wedding stuff, well, two birds with one stone and all that.” “Just consider it a wedding present to us, since getting you four out of the way for good really would make my happiest day even happier!”

Of course the Turtles escape and Warren and Hypno are defeated, but they quickly shrug it off. It was worth a shot, and at least they still have each other.

Repo’s Seven AU:

While they may be human, they still can’t afford a HUGE ceremony, but it’s still a lovely one. They’re able to rent out a nice dining hall, at least.

Warren’s parents and work friends come, and while Ron’s able to invite friends as well, his mother and a couple of his relatives are unable to attend since they’re all the way in New Zealand. It’s a bit of an emotional hurtle that Ron has to get over, but at the very least his mother is able to send her love and they’re able to send her video and photos in return

I could see Ron wearing a sharp looking black suit with a purple tie while Warren wears a very handsome baby-blue suit with a white tie

Maori songs and vows are incorporated into the ceremony

Again, Warren takes a moment to sing a love song to Ron during the reception, because I love that idea too much for it to only exist in one universe

The two pretty much spent all they could on their wedding and couldn’t afford a honeymoon at all, but they didn’t mind. After the reception, they just went back to their apartment and spent the rest of the night together. Talking, cuddling, kissing, a bit more singing on Warren’s part since he got a bit tipsy lol, lots of expressions of love since it is their wedding night after all, and eventually falling asleep in each other’s arms. 

Both were admittedly disappointed that they couldn’t take a trip, but after such a perfect wedding night, they couldn’t really be disappointed anymore and just enjoyed their long weekend.

After the events of Repo’s Seven/they’ve become secret millionaires and after they’ve moved out to California and settled down some (Warren getting a new newscaster job, Ron getting a couple nice breaks as he continued working towards his dream career as a professional stage magician, getting a house, etc.) the two decide to have another wedding ceremony and are able to renew their vows in Ron’s New Zealand hometown.

Granted, even with all the money they have now, they don’t go insane with it or anything, but they are still able to treat themselves and have elements of their dream wedding

This includes doves being released when they have their kiss (Hypno’s idea), lots of gold incorporated into the decor (Warren’s idea), and an actual band for the reception (both of their ideas). Stuff like that, where it’s a bit of a splurge but it’s not like they’re burning money on stupid or unnecessary stuff

So yeah, these are just my ideas, and I’d honestly love to hear a fellow Hippoworm fan’s ideas, since I’m sure yours differ at least a little from mine, and like I said, I just love talking about fictional weddings ^v^

[aion-rsa]

Inside the Mortal Kombat Movie’s Bloody Love Letter to Martial Arts

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About 10 hours into a November 2019 flight to Australia and the set of Warner Bros. Mortal Kombat reboot, I started to ask myself whether this was all worth it. I loved the original Mortal Kombat movie about as much as anyone unironically can, but the fact remains that the history of live-action video game film adaptations is paved with disappointment. Even the best movies in that field have earned their reputation largely by exceeding low expectations.

After nearly 30 years of failed attempts, it’s hard to even picture what a good live-action video game movie might look like. What is it about the transition from sprites to screen that makes this process so difficult? Is this a pursuit that is, in some ways, doomed to be dictated by those who see such films as another piece of merchandise? What will it take to finally break the curse? Those questions raced through my jetlagged brain as I finally made it to Adelaide and prepared to see what awaited me on the other side of the world. 

Shortly into my visit, I was taken off my feet by a line that hit me like an MK player mercilessly spamming a leg sweep. It came in the form of this line from producer Todd Garner that reshaped my expectations and set the tone for what proved to be something that was very much worth the trip and perhaps worthy of your own wait:

“I think it’s great that there are a lot of characters, a lot of lore, and let’s do it all well. But really, people want to fuck each other up.”

Gore and Lore

Garner was, of course, mostly joking. Yet, there is a truth in many jokes, and the truth in this one seemed to be that managing what the Mortal Kombat canon has become can be a daunting task. It’s certainly not made any easier by the fact that there haven’t been many undisputedly great video game movies for the team to work with and use as precedent. 

In lieu of notable live-action video game adaptations that made good on their ambition, the film’s production team turned to a source that most would agree has. 

“It’s like the Marvel Universe…it’s endless,” says Garner of the Mortal Kombat game franchise. “So we started from the premise ‘What would Marvel do?’”

It’s a useful question that the upcoming Mortal Kombat movie answers in fascinating ways. For instance, as Garner noted, the MCU didn’t start with The Avengers; it started with Iron Man. That film allowed Marvel Studios to ease viewers into a project that was, in its own ways, also somewhat unprecedented. Similarly, the Mortal Kombat movie uses the character of Cole Young as a kind of audience surrogate. He’s a new face in this universe who is also trying to figure all of this out. 

It’s all part of a delicate balancing act that requires the cast and crew to constantly ask themselves how this movie looks to a diehard fan and how it will look to someone who is just coming into this. 

“There are five million people that play this game religiously, but there are 100s of millions of people in the world,” Garner says. “We didn’t want the other 95 million people to go, ‘What the fuck is this. What is this tone, what the fuck is happening?’”

It’s easy to understand how fans could quickly become overwhelmed. If you haven’t played the more recent Mortal Kombat games, you may be surprised to learn that they’ve adopted a complex serial storytelling narrative that combines years of mythology as well as the events of the most recent games. If you tried jumping into Mortal Kombat 11’s interdimensional, time-jumping story, without at least an explainer of what came before, you’d probably think it was madness. Amusing madness, perhaps, but madness nonetheless. 

As it turns out, even Mortal Kombat director Simon McQuoid had a lot of catching up to do. 

“I feel like I went to Mortal Kombat university,” says McQuoid regarding the experience of learning the intricacies of the franchise. “I also surrounded myself with a lot of people who know a lot more about this than me.”

In the same way that 1995’s Mortal Kombat benefited from director Paul W.S. Anderson seeking and utilizing fan and crew feedback, McQuoid’s own desire to surround himself with lifelong MK fans is just one of the ways that the crew is determined to ensure they don’t make the mistake others have before them by straying too far from the desires of those who helped make the Mortal Kombat franchise worthy of adaptation in the first place. His efforts ultimately come down to honoring an important word. 

“The word I use a lot is ‘respect,’” says McQuoid. “Respect for the fans, respect for the characters, and respect for the canon. The execution ultimately takes that into consideration from the absolute bedrock of listening to and understanding the fans.”

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Of course, as Garner previously eloquently noted, what many Mortal Kombat fans are looking for is over-the-top violence executed with flair. That is a big part of what made the original Mortal Kombat stand out in a crowded arcade scene, and it is certainly one of the qualities that have stayed with the series as it has evolved into this surprising vehicle for complex narratives and diverse characters. 

Fatality!

Of course, you can’t talk about Mortal Kombat violence without coming around to fatalities. What began as now strangely humble decapitations and spine extractions has evolved into a bloody ballet of highly choreographed violent ends that account for the lore and ability of every character. It’s something that was largely missing from the 1995 adaptation, and it’s something that Garner admits can be tricky to get right. 

“There’s crazy shit you can do in the game,” Garner says. “The problem with the fatalities, in general, is…I’m under the restrictions of the Motion Picture Association of America so I have to live inside those rules.”

In case you haven’t seen the recently released trailer, let me assure you now that the MPAA has not scared the team away from incorporating fatalities and MK’s other, bloodiest elements. In fact, McQuoid is practically at sea with the amount of blood on set. 

“I don’t know the gallon number, but I’ve seen drums of blood sitting around,” McQuoid informs his audience of gorehounds with a smile. 

So yes, there will be blood and lots of it in the Mortal Kombat reboot, but the team isn’t relying on the presence of blood alone to fulfill their equally important mission of telling a Mortal Kombat story as compelling as the ones featured in the games. Actually, they recognize that there are times when extreme amounts of violence can work against the dark tones that help make the franchise’s universe so compelling. 

“When I wanted a serious moment I didn’t want it to get comedic because we’re swashing blood,” McQuoid says. “It’s a tonal thing…you really need to feel it all instead of having people say ‘Oh, that’s funny.’” 

Besides, there are other ways to convey the series’ violent nature and brutal style that doesn’t necessarily require a drum of blood. From the first game in the franchise, Mortal Kombat has nodded to at least the cinematic history of martial arts. Whereas that series initially struggled to convey the fluidity and complexity of the best martial arts fights, though, the MK movie team has set a high bar for themselves. 

“The first thing I said to [stunt coordinator Kyle Gardiner] was “Okay, Kyle, you have to make the best fights that have ever been on film,” reveals McQuoid.

To anyone with a passing familiarity with the best fight scenes in film history, that idea has to come across as an absurd bit of hype. However, it starts to make a lot more sense when you look at the cast they’ve assembled. 

Choose Your Fighter

For a generation of fans raised on ‘80s action films and many major Hollywood genre productions that came after, it’s become somewhat easy to buy into the idea that untrained or largely untrained actors, bodybuilders, and models are the biggest badasses on the big screen. There’s a degree to which that’s what actors are supposed to do, but anyone who grew up on Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee or later found films such as The Raid and Ong-Bak can tell you that there’s nothing quite like watching uniquely talented martial artists push the boundaries of fight scenes by translating their real-world talents into cinematic splendor. In fact, the original Mortal Kombat arcade game was partially inspired by a desire to make a game that felt worthy of a John Claude Van Damme action film.

When it comes to getting Mortal Kombat right, then, there’s little doubt that the only way to go was to cast an all-star collection of martial artists and trained fighters rather than teach a cast of movie stars to look like they can do the things these guys can. However, I can’t emphasize enough just how crazy it was to watch even just snippets of what this essential superteam of martial artists push themselves to do when you put them in a room. Even those who have spent a considerable amount of time around the cast still express awe at what they’ve seen. 

“I’ve never made a movie like this before with this much fighting in it,” says Garner. “I don’t know what’s going on half the time, but they really are the best in the business…It’s so fast and even the camera is like, ‘Guys, can you slow down a little bit?’”

In some ways, the heart of this assembly feels like Sub-Zero actor Joe Taslim. As a renowned martial artist who many of us first saw in The Raid: Redemption, many action fans know that Taslim is the real deal. What you may not know is that Taslim is something of a Mortal Kombat superfan. His name was even tossed around a few times on the shortlist of best MK players on-set, as well as by some who suggested that Taslim helped set the pace (and raise the bar) for the speed of the action sequences. 

Then you have Tadanobu Asano as Raiden. As a legend of the Japanese film scene who has garnered more international acclaim in recent years by virtue of his work in 47 Ronin, Battleship, and the Thor films, Asano feels uniquely capable of playing the thunder god whose abilities sometimes set the standard in a universe of powerful fighters. He embodies the character so clearly that he’s already got his eye on the out of universe competition 

“Yeah, I can fight [Chris Hemsworth],” suggested Asano with a smile at the prospect of a Thor vs. Raiden film.

There also Max Huang who portrays Kung Lao: a beloved fan character who was sadly missing from the previous live-action adaptations. For him, the chance to finally bring that character to life echoes his own desire to further his transition from a celebrated stunt coordinator to a bonafide action hero.

“People like Bruce Lee were my heroes,” says Huang. “The ultimate goal was to become an actor, but there were few chances. A lot of times, it would just be a one-liner and that was it. These last few years I figured ‘you only have one life,’ so I just went for it.”

Few people are more qualified to speak on that subject than Liu Kang actor, Ludi Lin. As an advocate for representation in Hollywood, Lin has previously said how a lack of representation or even the wrong kind of representation can lead to feelings of shame and even isolation. For Lin, working with this many talented martial artists on a major Western production isn’t just a chance to showcase his own abilities; it’s a chance to help millions feel like they’re being seen. 

“Look, 60% of the world is Asian. A quarter of the world is Chinese,” says Lin. “I just don’t understand why there can only be one [in Hollywood films].”

Increased representation is always important, but at a time when violence against Asian Americans is on the rise, it stands to reason that the portrayal and prominence of Asian actors on film may be on more minds than ever before. So far as that goes, Mortal Kombat is uniquely positioned to not only showcase Asian heroes but pay respect to the clear Asian influences on the Mortal Kombat series in a way that the MK titles (especially the older installments) didn’t necessarily do before.

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“From my experience working with Simon [McQuoid], I’ve never worked with someone that’s so serious about being that authentic for another culture,” says Lin. “Just walking on set…on this film, there are so many different types of people of different ethnicities, different origins, and different backgrounds. It really represents the world.”

I could go on. Legendary Japanese action star Hiroyuki Sanada as Scorpion, the beloved Chin Han as Shang Tsung, rising star Mehcad Brooks as Jax…even non-action stars or martial artists like Kano actor Josh Lawson have found how they fit into this legendary assembly of cast and characters. 

“I was just saying to Asano-san, ‘Kano, he’s only funny because he’s balancing you guys,’” notes Lawson. “On his own, it’s nothing. But as a see-saw, the more seriously these guys take the mysticism and the power, the less seriously I can take it. That’s where the comedy exists. He can walk in and tell them, ‘Fucking hell.’”

Who is Lewis Tan?

With so much of the fun for fans coming from watching their favorite MK fighters come to life and battle on the big screen, it’s hardly a surprise that it’s one of the new characters, Lewis Tan as Cole Young, who has attracted so much early attention. How will he fit into a roster of such established characters? It’s a question that Tan is relieved to finally be able to answer.

“It’s just nice to even be able to talk about the character because there was so much speculation and hype up until this point about which character I’m playing,” Tan says with noted relief. “I wear Ray Bans a lot so people were like, ‘Oh, he’s Johnny Cage. [laughs]’”

He may not be Johnny Cage, even if Tan’s effortless charm and movie star looks make him a prime candidate for the role, but it’s incredible how easily the Cole character seems to fit into this universe of iconic characters. Along those same lines, Tan seems to have quickly established himself among a roster of top-tier martial arts and action actors. In some ways, his vocal enthusiasm for the project best captures the set’s general vibe.

“I don’t want to jinx it either but I can truthfully tell you, I felt magic when I got here and it’s been crazy ever since then,” says Tan of his experience until that point. “It’s crazy because I’m really hard on myself and I’m really hard on the work that I do. Sometimes I’m like, ‘Oh, this wasn’t it.’ And then I’ll see a little of a rough cut of what Simon was doing and then I’m like, ‘Oh. It’s amazing.’ There’s some stuff that I wasn’t on set for and then I saw that stuff and I’m like, ‘That’s the best thing I’ve ever seen.’”

Of course, it’s hard to talk about bringing Mortal Kombat to life without the people who quite literally help do just that. 

Exploding Heads and Blown Minds

At one point during my set visit, I found myself standing on a stunning recreation of the bridge that crosses the chasm on the iconic Mortal Kombat stage known as The Pit. It was a massive construction impressively built to serve as both a showcase piece and an actual set practically designed as the stage for one of the film’s fight scenes. 

The team informed us that the general philosophy was to ensure that (almost) anything that could be done practically was done practically. A green screen was used sparingly to solve otherwise impossible problems. It’s an approach that appeases the old-school movie fans among us while honoring the raw nature of the older Mortal Kombat games which typically emphasized visceral visuals over more refined sensibilities.

The Mortal Kombat movie actually finds a fascinating middle ground between those concepts. For instance, the film’s costumes showcase the kind of wear and tear that you’d expect to see in outfits worn by warriors locked in an eternal battle, but they’re also designed to not only honor cultural concepts but the idea that some of this armor was designed to be somewhat ornamental at one point in time. They’re refined but appropriately ugly.

The film’s weapons are really on another level. Weapons have become increasingly important to the Mortal Kombat fighting styles over the years, and this film honors that concept through an arsenal of carefully constructed instruments of death that somehow treat even the most seemingly impractical of weapons with a logic that has perhaps only previously been dwelled on by the series’ biggest fans.

No detail was overlooked in pursuit of making sure every character had a weapon that the actor could hold in their hand and feel the power of. From ornate katanas to swords made of ice, the props team clearly fell in love with the opportunity to make even the absurd a reality. We even saw a garden gnome suspiciously snuck into the small arsenal they had crafted. 

Again, though, what stood out most is the prop team’s insistence that many of these weapons didn’t just need to look good on-screen. Many of them needed to be balanced and practical enough to be used in battle simply because many of them were actually going to be used in the film’s fight scenes. I don’t know how the weapon designs will come across in the final film, but my gut feeling is that the fight scenes that they allow for will immediately be appreciated.

One other area where those efforts will almost certainly be immediately appreciated by everyone watching the movie is the makeup and practical effects. The makeup trailer I stepped in was loaded with masks, body parts, and the carnage of many early morning marathon makeup sessions. It looked closer to a horror movie than an action film or video game adaptation. That should be music to the ears of any fans that recognize that one of the things that helped the Mortal Kombat series stand out over the years are the horror tones that were used to help craft characters, stages, and most certainly the fatalities. 

While we weren’t treated to a fatality viewing while on-set, the team was good enough to describe an exploding head that they were working on for an upcoming shoot. Where that exploding head will rank among the best of all-time (a list that includes films like Scanners, Maniac, and The Prowler) remains to be seen, but their approach sounded fascinating. By utilizing a silicone glass head filled with blood and guts and triggered by an air cannon, the scene figures to pay homage to the techniques of the best such effects of old while utilizing modern advancements designed out of necessity and perhaps a desire to help raise the bar. 

It wasn’t long into my trip that the cast and crew emphasized the number of practical effects being utilized, and I certainly understand why. They not only look great, but the fact that so much effort went into ensuring these design elements offer something so much more than good looks seems to perfectly capture the spirit of the movie’s mission to make something that is so much more than it has to be.

Flawless Victory?

If the biggest “advantage” of low expectations is the idea that even lesser efforts can somehow exceed them, then the biggest disadvantage of the expectations set by many live-action video game movies to date is getting people to genuinely feel excited. There’s a big difference between crafting something that makes you think “That could have been worse,” and making a movie that inspires the genuine belief that this isn’t just going to be something different; this is going to be something special. 

The highest compliment I can pay to Mortal Kombat is that the genuine excitement expressed by everyone on-set went well beyond a cast and crew that were just happy to be there or felt that what they were doing was good enough. From those who couldn’t wait to play some of their favorite characters to those who were eager to finally showcase what they do best via a production that’s scale equaled the scope of their talents, there was a smile on everyone’s face as they told you what they were working on with the full knowledge that what they were about to say was something so far beyond what you expected. 

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I don’t know if Mortal Kombat will “break the curse.” I don’t even know if it will satisfy a legion of MK fans who have had their expectations forever raised by the recent games’ own increasingly cinematic efforts. What I can tell you is that it’s ok to feel excited about Mortal Kombat. Actually, you probably should be excited about Mortal Kombat. I can assure you that everyone working on the film very much is. That, in and of itself, is a victory.

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