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silverinia · 3 years ago

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What do you think Kurt and Diane 's signs are ?? I think Kurt is Capricorn :D but i don't know what diane is she is not a water element thats what i know :D

Oh. Oh.

I’m. So. Glad. You. Asked.

I literally cracked my knuckles before I started typing out my answer because now Diane and Kurt haven't sat at the top of my phone notes page titled "comfort characters - zodiac signs" for over a year for nothing. I'll give you what I think their big three (sun, moon and rising sign) are, explain a little about why I've chosen each of them, and finish each section with a bit of compatibility talk to round up this rant outburst shitshow thesis. (You know what, yes, I'm calling it a thesis. The amount of astrology kitchen sink psychology knowledge I have is ridiculous and will be put to... well, a use of some sort. Buckle up and enjoy!)

First up, a small disclaimer/spoiler: I don't think Kurt is a Capricorn at all. I've seen a couple of people talking about his alleged Capricorn vibes on my twitter timeline before and I cannot see it for the life of me. Capricorns are stern and ambitious, organised, striving for authority and often materialistic (they’re basically the human form of the “it’s about drive, it’s about power” song). While Kurt is hard-working, he never comes off like a workaholic, and he’s very laid back, rather spontaneous and chaotic than anal and organised. Professional success doesn’t seem to be the leading drive in his life - on the contrary: he often sacrifices it for his beliefs and the loyalty he craves to be a defining part of himself. Sorry anon, sorry Twitter fam, feel free to comment on this post and try to lay out to me why you would ever view Kurt as a Capricorn, because I'd actually love to hear an explanation for it.

I’d also like to note that we each have our own interpretation of these characters, and that’s exactly the way it’s supposed to be. The Good Wife/Fight is not a sitcom, it never reduces the characters’ stories to what little it depicts on-screen. Especially with Kurt, the show leaves plenty of room for interpretation. But this is my answer (btw, I’m sorry, anon, I’m sure you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into) and while this post may not make anyone’s day but mine, it’s really, really making my day so much because yes, astrology may be scientifically incorrect bs, but it’s fun scientifically incorrect bs.

So, without further ado...

Sun signs:

Sun signs explained: ego, identity, role in life, centre of your personality, what motivates and drives you, who you are learning to become

Diane: Sagittarius

Sun in Sagittarius explained: idealists; crave freedom and self-improvement, do what they believe in; aspirational, generous, impatient; travel, philosophy, longing to understand the world; existential crisis in human form

Sagittarius is all about freedom, an everlasting longing for more and avoiding things that might constrict them. Sagittariuses are most likely to be interested in travelling and philosophy, but not just for the sake of collecting experiences and engaging in pretentious conversations at social gatherings, but because they feel like their experiences and the various impressions they want to collect are a part of who they are or what they long to be, almost like they owe it to the world to try and discover as much of it as they possibly can in the time they have, and in return, to themselves to become the best possible version of themselves.

Diane is very inquisitive. Her attempts to figure out the world, to try and solve it like a puzzle, and to find out where she stands in it are a huge part of her character and her struggles. She works in an environment that doesn’t seem to fit with her idealism, almost like she’s daring her belief system to cave and crumble and make room for her personal growth. She surrounds herself with people who are vastly different from herself, driven by emotions and impulse and often times even chaos (see Will, Marissa, and of course Kurt), and for someone who really seems to define herself through her views, beliefs and idealism, she keeps challenging those constructs by confronting herself with realities and opinions that don’t seem to fit into the idea of the world she has.

Diane is aspirational. She has lots of goals in her life that keep her driven, but that are also so vastly different from each other that they would interfere with each other if they were fulfilled. We’ve seen her wish to be judge, her wish to retire in Europe, her wish to be a good lawyer, to be powerful enough to make a change in the world, her long-buried wish to be a mother. The variety of her dreams and the various lives she can imagine herself living cause her to keep reflecting herself and in turn keep her from losing herself in stagnation.

Diane’s longing for freedom and her dislike for things she thinks would sacrifice her freedom determine the possibly life-changing choices she makes, like pushing away close relationships, may they be romantic or platonic, not taking leaps, and second-guessing her trust in others. She's an idealist and often crushed by her disappointment in the world, because feeling like she is still in control of her understanding is a huge part of not only her intellect, but also of her identity. Her view of the world and the role she plays in it are the core of how she defines herself. I just think Sagittarius makes a silly amount of sense for her.

Kurt: Taurus

Sun in Taurus explained: loyal, calm, affectionate, practical, productive, stubborn, rigid, homebody, all or nothing attitude; embodiment of stability, sort of like a hardwood table personified; guided by practical knowledge and experiences; like sweatpants, food and peace and quiet

This, like pretty much all the placements I picked for Kurt, is one of the ones I expect to be the most controversial, but it just makes so much sense to me.

Taurus is practical and relies on logic, which grounds and calms them by basically tying a string to them that connects them with the physical world which kindly gives them a frame for their pursuit of stability. They can be materialistic but are often very minimalistic at the same time, able to feel comfortable with little as long as what they have gives them a sense of routine and consistency. They are great listeners and very dependable, but they also tend to be stubborn and set in their ways.

Kurt 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 such 👏🏼 a 👏🏼 Taurus 👏🏼. At the start of the show, the writers basically write out for us that he’s the most loyal person on earth. And even when that seems to change, it happens in a setting in which there’s basically no routine in his life due to Diane’s unreliability (not blaming Diane for being cheated on but this is a simple fact), almost like he loses himself as he loses what gives him his sense of security in this world (I really didn’t want to talk about the cheating storyline, but it’s fitting so nicely into the Kurt-is-a-Taurus-theory that I almost feel inclined to forgive Robert and Michelle on the spot. Almost.).

Kurt is the definition of practical. He finds out Diane is being threatened by an anonymous source, grabs a saw and a handful of wires he had lying around and builds a working security system for their front door (I mean what the actual fuck). He’s calm, like the rock in the raging waters that is Diane (this woman is a human tornado). He’s very all or nothing, up to the point where somehow every single question he asks Diane can only be answered with either “Let’s elope, flee the country and sip Piña Coladas and go skinny dipping together until we die” or “I’ll delete your contact info, forget we ever met each other and avoid ever talking to you again”. He invented being low maintenance; before he moves in with Diane, he has exactly two jackets, a pair of jeans and shoes, a sports coat, two flannel shirts, the suit he got married in, and a single hideous belt. And he has foodie vibes. I can’t explain that point, but he just does. What more could you expect from a Taurus?

(Honestly, somebody please explain the Capricorn theory to me, because I genuinely tried to see it, but all I see is a couch potato with a bowl of pasta in their lap, defined by their goodness and loyalty.)

Compatibility: Sagittarius sun x Taurus sun

If you look it up online, Sagittarius and Taurus supposedly have about the compatibility of lesbian English majors and their male Math teachers from school (haters gonna hate). But if you think about it, that actually makes a certain kind of sense. Because McHart literally makes no sense whatsoever on paper, until you’ve used said paper to write a stupidly time-consuming character study about them (but really, who in their right mind would take the time and energy to do that...), and/or have seen them fuck. Incidentally, that’s also why the pairing is always at its peak popularity in the fandom when there's regular fanfiction updates, because fanfiction was invented to cover both of those aspects.

Anyway... They’re basically laid out by the stars to be an opposites attract couple. They’re intellect, idealism and concepts vs. logic, realism and practicality. Sagittarius is at their best when they’re socialising and exploring, and they thrive on variety in their life. Taurus on the other hand is most content being at home on the couch workday after workday without their sweatpants ever starting to make them itchy. Sagittarius might start feeling bored by the dull Taurus routine and Taurus may feel overwhelmed and unsettled because of Sagittarius’ variety of interests and social-butterfly-ness. They’re the classic couple that has to put in a lot of effort and mutual understanding to find balance in a shared life, but the way they complement each other is all the more rewarding if it works well.

Diane finds variety and new experiences at work. Coming home to Kurt and the constant he brings to her life almost appears to ground her restlessness at times when it threatens to leave her feeling overwhelmed. On the other hand, she can always pick a fight with him when things start getting dull. Kurt, luckily, seems to be pretty content in most environments, as long as he has a stable job and a place to call home. Once those factors are covered, he - despite all his stubbornness - actually becomes very adaptable and even seems to enjoy the challenges Diane’s tornado personality seems to bring to his life, as long as it doesn’t touch those basic requirements (*cough* *cough* TGF season 5). God knows it has taken them ages and a lot of off-screen strategy talks (I’m just assuming those happened because it’s the only thing that puts the s2 to s3 TGF jump into place) but they’re figuring it out. It won’t ever be easy, but easy isn’t what Kurt wants, nor what Diane needs, as long as there’s stability and growth around them.

Moon signs:

Moon signs explained: rules your emotions, instincts and feelings; reflects your personality when you're alone or deeply comfortable

Diane: Scorpio

Moon in Scorpio explained: emotionally intense; crave deep connections but can be detached and obsessed with their privacy; intuitive, observant, rational, dramatic, passionate (h0rny); flirty but down to be loyal for life once committed to a partner; trust issues and fear of betrayal

I’m saying this with so much love: Diane is a piece of work. She won’t settle for anything less than someone who feels like the love of her life, but obviously in order to remain her posture, stay guarded and protect her stance as she who invented strong independent womanhood (the latter being her Sagittarius sun speaking btw), she’s going to put up walls that could tower over the Chicago skyline. Diane feels so much that she tries to battle the mazy tangle of her emotions with human kind’s stupidest response to any feeling ever: rationalisation. She just rationalises the hell out of her feelings until she can’t remember where the thought process even started, comes to either no conclusion or the most absurd one anyone could come up with (I’m being harsh. Reconciling with your husband after he’s almost split his skull hanging out of a car in some godforsaken Walmart parking lot, only to then ghost him for approximately four months is completely normal, mentally healthy behaviour).

She’s like a daydream dressed in a brick wall of nightmares. The right instincts and a craving for real, emotional bonds are all there, but she’s so painfully out of touch with anything internal but her intellect (and her Lockhussy) that she just walks the opposite way instead of letting herself be happy, may it be because she’s a clown or because she’s trying to protect herself (it’s probably both). Either way, she gives big water sign energy when it comes to the way she handles her emotions. The problematic kind (yours sincerely, a fellow water sign).

Diane is a control freak and she has trust issues for days. If those things were a currency, she still would have been able to afford the South of France house post Ponzi scheme, nay, could’ve purchased the whole of France altogether. (Remember when she had Kalinda spying on Matthew Overby to help her decide if she wanted to answer his “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” note with “yes”, “no” or “maybe”? Remember when she was upset about Kurt’s injury from the shooting range and had Marissa go through the Trump boys’ social media to search for pictures of dead zebras and giraffes, a task that literally did nothing for her except cost her about five minutes of Marissa-salary? Remember when she ripped the ointment out of his hands the episode prior? Idiot. I absolutely adore her.)

Diane is the woman who broods alone in her office in the middle of the night, nursing a glass of scotch when she's feeling down. Multiple times throughout both shows. She actually slams her head against a wardrobe one time. The slay. The pure drama. If that doesn’t give emo water sign energy, I don’t know what does.

Kurt: Aries

Moon in Aries explained: impulsive, hot-headed, determined; crave excitement, spontaneity and victory; strong emotions, sort of as though they have a raging toddler inside them who won’t stop screaming in the grocery store until their parents agree to buy them candy, but not because they're smart or manipulative, but because they just really want that candy and why shouldn't they have candy if they want some

Kurt is such an Aries moon and it’s easily my favourite thing about him. It has so much comedic value. As soon as he feels something, he completely unhinges, like a fully functioning door that suddenly just flops down to the floor with a bang that sound like someone screaming "Jesus, take the wheel". Vibing with the woman you used to date for a couple of months? Ask her to permanently move to Costa Rica with you (if she laughs at you because it’s fucking crazy, propose marriage to distract her). Cheated on your long-distance wife and feel terrible about it? Don’t tell her, instead sell all your belongings to the woman you cheated with and ask your wife to move in with you. She proposes divorce after you’ve been separated for a year? Wait out in the cold at her front door for hours until she comes home, then tell her you’re her friend (if she won’t relent, go to her office the next day and try yelling a little). Need a favour from her because she’s outspoken and you’re socially awkward? Bring her a thank-you-gift (so far so good). What kind of gift? Well, a gun, obviously.

I could go on like this for days. For someone who is super calm and practical and fairly reasonable, Kurt’s emotions turn him into a child with a temper. He feels something, he wants something, and he’s turning on the heels of his cowboy boots, determined to get it. And not even because he thinks it’s his right to get what he wants, but because he genuinely doesn’t reflect his emotions at all and therefore never even sees any reason why things could possibly not work out. And even if he did, his everlasting need for stability can easily be momentarily defied by his emotional craving for excitement. He wants to clash, he wants passion and leaps and challenge and fire, and why shouldn’t he have it? If it makes him happy, if it makes the people in his life happy, why shouldn’t they just end their separation and move back in together? If he loves her and she loves him, what is there to talk about? If he likes her and she likes him and work was a factor that used to get between them, and if the firm is stressing her out these days, why shouldn’t they elope and move to Costa Rica? Everything’s gonna be alright, what could possibly go wrong?

(Spoiler alert: You could be swatted for example.)

Compatibility: Scorpio moon x Aries moon

Kurt is very open about his emotions. If Diane upsets him, he immediately expresses his anger or pain to her. Diane on the other hand leaves a lot of her emotions open to interpretation. We’ve seen it clash, the result used to be another casual half a season with no Kurt-episodes. But if it works, it really, really works. If there’s one passionate couple in the world of fictional characters, it’s Kurt and Diane. They fight and fuck and they love each other so fiercely. Something that was a big theme in TGF’s season 3 is that Kurt seems to have found a way to get through to Diane when she tries to shut him out (something I’d like to call trust). He stays calm yet confrontational, he communicates to her that they’re a team, and Diane is learning to include him more. On the other hand, the way Diane tends to take rationality over feelings forces Kurt to find a more stable middle ground with her, which probably also gives him a little more peace than he used to have before he met her, keeping in mind how much he values stability. No, they won’t give up everything they have to move to Costa Rica together, but they will take nine months to travel the world or vacation in Italy. No, they won’t reconcile just because they love each other, but they will meet to talk and slowly start to work through their problems so they can do better for each other once they try this again. Their relationship was never all or nothing, which is Diane’s gift to Kurt. But having it all no longer has to be intimidating, which is Kurt’s gift to Diane.

The compatibility of moon signs indicates how people relate emotionally. Scorpio and Aries moons are both very emotional and passionate in two entirely different expressions. Aries is impulsive, impatient and aggressive while Scorpio internalizes and is prone to be passive-aggressive. Aries is very direct and confrontational, Scorpio holds grudges and tends to hide emotions behind the walls they put up around them. If both put a lot of effort into the relationship, the passion they share draws them to each other like magnets and can be very rewarding, but the dynamic has a tendency to lead to imbalance, with one of them putting a lot more effort into pleasing the other (I’m still convinced this is exactly what happened the countless times they tried being together pre separation. Kurt was much more emotionally available and Diane didn’t even notice how hard he was trying and how little she gave him in return, because that was just the way she always was with people. It was bound to end, and while I disapprove of the way it happened, it’s also completely understandable why he was the one to break).

Both signs like to be in charge, Aries liking the leadership and Scorpio seeking out the feeling of always being in control (a point that we’ve rarely seen leading to any trouble between them because one thing they’ve done right from the very beginning is that they’re very equal in their relationship and always staying at eye level. They have endless amounts of respect for each other and neither of them seems to try to dominate the relationship). Aries emotions are generally more superficial, like outbursts, while Scorpio is very deep. It’s overall a very challenging pairing that doesn’t usually last very long due to too many differences, but if it works long term, it’ll be all the more passionate and emotional.

(Well... that and the gun.)

Rising signs:

Rising signs explained: the mask you present to people and the way you protect yourself; personal style, first impressions, and experiences needed to make your life meaningful

Diane: Virgo

Virgo rising explained: appear organised, put together and reliable; composed and intellectual aura; can be intimidating due to their perfectionist vibes; communicative and curious; often the ones sought out by their loved ones for advice; care deeply for other people

Diane’s rising sign is basically what we see of her in The Good Wife, sans her interactions with Kurt and a couple of moments with Will and Kalinda, because they’re basically the only people that made her take down her guards in that show and because its psychological focus was so rarely on her.

Diane is regal. She’s classy, has a no-bullshit attitude and she very much gives off “that one teacher that’s everyone’s maternal figure” vibes. She’s the one you respect, because she holds herself in that certain way that just seems so in control, so well put together and smart. She’s the person you meet and instantly want to impress and your worst nightmare suddenly becomes disappointing her or letting her down. She’s also much less distant and impersonal than she lets on.

I think Diane is one of those people who still are very much defined by their rising sign, even though most of the time, rising signs become less important the older and more mature you get, because her Virgo traits are not a simple self-discovery-arch of her story, but basically her coping mechanism and safety net. And I think that actually makes a lot of sense. Her mask is what people have always expected, even relied on for her to be (organised, communicative and caring, like her mother probably wanted, and focused, intellectual, academic and perfectionist traits her father laid out for her), and therefore, what she herself expects to be. The firm runs best when she’s there to solve everyone’s messes. Her Virgo mask is what keeps shit running, and when she’s in doubt, she pulls it on because the validation she’s always gotten for it must be linked to a huge boost of self-assurance, the absence of it in turn linked to chaos and disappointment. Diane’s rising sign is everything she has to protect herself, but - thinking of her Sagittarius sun - it’s also what tightly limits her room for the personal growth she craves so much, which is probably why she’s losing it around the people she trusts and loves enough to define them as a real part of her personal life, and in circumstances where she feels like her understanding of the world is slipping out of her hands (which is super interesting, because while I don’t necessarily think that she always makes the best decisions when her guards are down, there’s a lot of bravery behind it that I think most people don’t really appreciate. She puts her guard up when she feels like she’s losing control, but when she’s at her most vulnerable, she lets it down because she knows she has to in order to put it into place and grow on it).

I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I also think Virgo rising for Diane is the least controversial take of this post, so I guess it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Kurt: Cancer

Cancer rising explained: often described as “traditional” or “nurturing”; like routine and value their homelife, and with it their personal space and the people they allow inside; hard exterior, more sensitive than they appear to be

Cancer is the perfect choice for Kurt’s rising sign, because he just has so many cliché Cancer traits. Kurt lives and breathes tradition (I don’t want to talk about his politics in this post so this is as far as it’s going to get), and sometimes even tends to value them just because things have always been the way they are, not because they have any kind of emotional value to him. Speaking of emotions, Kurt is a perfect example for someone who seems all no-nonsense and practical (which he is, but:), until he goes on a date with you and pep-talks you through a full daddy-issues-infused identity crisis. I don’t have any evidence to back this up, but I think that because he’s so much more observant than communicative, he’s really good at reading the room, which is the kind of sensitivity I absolutely would link to a Cancer rising.

Long story short: Kurt has soft dad vibes and there’s no better astrology placement to express that than Cancer rising.

Compatibility: Virgo rising x Cancer rising

Again, because we know so little about Kurt, I have no factual evidence to back this up, but I was always convinced that Kurt has or at least had a very close bond to his family, while Diane’s upbringing has been much colder. The first and pretty much only two times she mentions her parents at all in the span of twelve seasons are when her idolisation of her father is crushed when she finds out how he betrayed one of his best friends and then proceeds to propose to Kurt (50% lovesick clownery, 50% spiting her dead dad, we gotta stan), and when she drunkenly tells Alicia that she was a disappointment to her mother. That’s a whole lot to unpack, but in my opinion, it’s enough to assume that Diane didn’t really grow up having a lovey dovey family dynamic that accepted her for who she wanted to be rather than what was expected of her, which I’m guessing Kurt did, because it’s the only thing that would explain anyone’s obsession with traditions and old ways to me. Someone who grew up without a stereotypical, heteronormative “America’s sweethearts” style family dynamic and still turned out okay cannot have had a bad relationship with their stereotypical, heteronormative family, right?

The compatibility of rising signs indicates how people get on socially. Virgo risings often come off as reserved and distant, while Cancer risings seem warm. Cancer risings really value their close relationships with friends and family and are the kind of people who tend to have a smaller number of people in their lives that are very very close to them, rather than a Virgo rising, who often has numerally more people around them, while their bonds with them often aren’t unconditional.

Anyway, I like this for Diane. I think it’s really good for her to have someone who brings that kind of warmth into her life, someone who gives her the unconditional love and affection, the safety net a family should have given her, even though the two of them make quite the non-traditional family. And it’s good for Kurt to have Diane because she gets him to leave the house and try some pasta salad recipes every now and then that haven’t been in his family for 376 years, but she also agrees to leave soon when the introvert wants to go back home. Remember that scene? I just love that scene.

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Sooo, this was very long and I don’t have a real conclusion other than I love and miss McHart. Thank you to everyone who read this till the end, because while astrology is very much bs, this is also my bs and I did spend a ridiculous amount of time on it when I should have used it on my criminal law paper. Hope you all enjoyed this, and let me know what you think!

#mchart #diane lockhart #kurt mcveigh

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gb-patch · 4 years ago

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Ask Answers: April 13th, 2021

And we’re back again with more replies so soon, haha. Thank you for the asks!

Your game literally saved me this hell ass year. Thank you so much for the most perfect piece of art I've ever laid eyes on 😫 ... Do you guys have a rough idea when step 3 DLC will be released? I hope I'm not coming off as rude. I just really really love your game.

I’m sorry for the late reply on this! You might’ve already seen the answer by now, but the Step 3 DLC is coming out on the 16th. We’re almost there :D

This may be a silly question but did Jeremy's parents ever find out that Pran had lied about his age and if so, when/how? :3

Pran came clean to them after a couple of years, when he felt secure enough that it wouldn’t ruin the relationship. The Kings were a little embarrassed, the dad more than the mom, but they’re quite good at brushing past those kind of mistakes so it was all water under the bridge pretty fast.

hi! i know you’ve answered a question about alterations in the our life moments by playing them in different orders, but i was wondering if there was a canon order that the moments for each step happen in? i figure with such a customizable game the “canon” timeline for the moments is whatever order the player completes them in, for example in step 1, i like playing the runaway moment pretty early, since cove trying to run away early in summer makes more sense to me personally. thanks!

Yeah, there’s no canon order we’d insist on. Whatever you like can be the official route for you! And that’s a neat way to look at that event.

What if your character isn’t that into physical contact but still wants to be in a relationship with Cove? Would he be offended if you shy away or something along those lines?

He wouldn’t be. Cove knows how hard that can be and is very understanding. If you set his initiative to low, the game always checks to make sure if you want to be touched or not rather than assuming that you do. And if you do choose that you don’t want to, there’s no stress or drama about it. Cove will just say that’s okay!

Hellu! First off, I want to thank you all for such a wonderful game, it's been the best feel-good game I've ever stumbled upon and I can't express enough how much it has meant to me. Second, I've seen lots of people having trouble with making Cove confess before MC which makes me wonder if people will have the same problem in the dlc when you can propose to him. Is it possible to post a guide for that as well when it no longer could count as a spoiler? Again, thanks for such a beautiful game <3

I’m really happy you had such a nice time with it c:. We’ll answer questions about it on tumblr/in the discord if they come up and, if need be, we’ll find somewhere to upload a guide.

Do we get steam key from buying dlc on itch io?

I’m afraid not. That’d be unfair to those who get it on Steam. Plus, Steam isn’t super cool with giving out thousands of keys to be handed out for free on other sites anymore. They can refuse to give us the keys if they feel we’re trying to take advantage of their system.

hi! so if we reject cove's confession in step 3, can we still have MC and cove get together in step 4?

You can confess to him, yeah. But Cove won’t ever try confessing again if the MC turns him down in Step 3.

What if MC acts like someone Cove doesn't like, like Lizzie or Baxter lol

You can’t do what Lizzie or Baxter does to make Cove dislike them. You can play the game and try, but it doesn’t work out. The MC is just too compatible with Cove if you’re fond/crush/love, haha.

Hi! I absolutely love your game, I love the characters they’re all so amazing, thank you for the game haha

I was wondering if you would get the NSFW DLC no matter what Patreon level you were at, or if you would could get it at any level? :)

What pateron tier do we need to get the 18+ content for Our Life? It's my new favourite game, keep up the good work!

It will eventually be available at the $5 tier and anything above that! Glad you both like OL ^^

On a scale from 1 (being the worst) to 10, how well do the XOXO jerk squad including JB handle horror?

JB: 8

Everett: 5

Nate: 4

Shiloh: 10

Bae: 10

Jeremy: 8 for non-gore horror, 2 for gory horror

Pran: 9

hello!! i was wondering if any of the boys from the Jerksquad would ever wear a skirt/dress?

None of them wear skirts/dresses out of personal preference. But if there was some kind of reason where they had to do it, none would be that bothered.

How does the jerk squad feel about Christmas?

Everett: He fucking loves it. That’s the best time of year.

Nate: Commercialized nonsense.

Shiloh: It’s wonderful! So he claims.

Bae: He likes it quite a bit, but only for the joy it brings children/family. He thinks that’s sweet but is too mature to be whipped up into a festive fervor himself.

Jeremy: It’s awful.

Pran: He hates it.

does cove have any pet allergies? yes I know this is a little weirdly specific

He doesn’t! The lucky boy isn’t allergic to any animal.

Very important question: Would Lee and a musical-theatre loving MC run around belting Into The Unknown from Frozen 2? Because I feel that they would

Probably, haha.

This might seem like a dumb question, so I’m sorry, but with the Derek DLC are we gonna get to hang out with him in person instead of just calling him in step 3?

The Derek DLC adds events in Step 2 and Step 4. It’s part of his story that you don’t really get to be around him in Step 3. But you don’t need to apologize for wondering!

hello! i'd like to ask if it's possible to play the android version of the game with the dlcs after buying the dlcs from steam. i wasn't expecting my android version to have my dlcs since i bought them from steam, but it had my step 2 dlc for some reason. is this a glitch or does the apk actually detect what dlcs you already have on your pc? if so, how come i don't have the step 1 dlc appearing on android? thanks!

That is some kind of glitch. It isn’t possible for the Android DLCs to be unlocked by having them on PC. Maybe in one of the old builds we accidentally didn’t lock the Step 2 DLC properly. Sorry for the confusion!

Does Derek and Baxter have canon sexualities? Will Derek still flirts with the MC regardless of their gender?

They’re both pansexual and can like the MC regardless of what gender they have.

I was wondering if Miranda had a crush on Cove in Step 3? I'm not sure why, but I got those vibes from her?

She thinks of him only as a friend. Cove isn’t her type, haha.

This is probably a dumb hope, but I hope Cliff find someone he loves after Cove is grown up and everything. Or at the very least he has someone he's very close with after Cove leaves.

That’s a really sweet thought to have. Cliff stays single, but he’s graysexual and not-particularly romantically inclined. He only dated when he was really young ‘cause that’s what everyone did. Family and friend relationships are more important to him, and he has plenty of that in his life ^^.

Heya! I was curious if there might be a nickname system in N&F? I kind of pull an Elizabeth when I play and choose a different variation of a name like having Rosie in step one and changing it to Rose in step two, then maybe Rosetta in step three for example, but it also feels a little bit odd being scolded using my nickname hehe. That's all I was wondering about, thank you for your time and the wonderful games!

We are hoping to include the option to go by a nickname in Our Life: Now & Forever. But nothing has been programmed yet, so we can’t 100% guarantee it, haha.

Just curious, what would Liz's and Cove's relationship be if MC wasn't around? I feel like they wouldn't get along as well as they do now, especially during the first and second step

They’d definitely have a lot of friction growing up and they’d likely avoid each other as much as possible. Once they were both older, I imagine they’d be decent neighbor acquaintances. But they still wouldn’t be nearly as close as they are with the MC bringing Cove into things.

What do the customizable eyes look like in the game? Do they look as they are in the creating avatar section? Or do they look different when actually playing the game?

That’s up to you! The doll is just meant to be a general idea. You can apply it to your imagined MC as much or as little as you prefer.

Did Cove go through a "phase" during his adolescence? I don't really wanna headcanon it so I wonder if there's anything (cringy) canon since we missed out on the ages of 14-17 hahaha

Not really, aha. 14-17 Cove is pretty recognizable to his 13 and 18 year old self.

Hello! I'm sorry to bother you, especially with all the messages you get. I was just wondering if the religious wedding venue was exclusive to a church or if there will be different religions of weddings? Also, I love this VN so much, it's so well written and every character is so amazing, thank you for making such a beautiful game.

The church is treated as a historic building rather than anything actively religious, but it’s not the only option like that. There’s a historic synagogue and stuff too! And that’s really nice of you to say <3.

How differently would it play out If MC told their moms about the 20$ deal back when it happened?

They wouldn’t have been happy and would’ve been far more skeptical of Cliff, aha. But they wouldn’t want to keep Cove away from the MC, so it wouldn’t have been too different in the long run.

Hello may I ask what Cove's favorite fudge/ice cream flavor would be? Its alright if its not answered

He appreciates them all, but his top favorites would be the fruit flavored ones and the ones with nuts.

Hi! I really wanted to make mc's house in a game and tried really hard to figure out the floor plan, but I wondered if you have the floor plan of the mc's house so that i can try again with more accuracy?

Thank you a lot for this game, i loved it a lot! (my first play took me 8 hours lol)

I’m really sorry, we don’t have anything like that. But at least you can headcanon that what you did is correct and nothing can prove it wrong, haha.

Hello,I recently started playing lake of voices (I put it off for a long while since I’m usually not very good with horror) and I’m really happy I did!I’m a big fan of your games in general and lake of voices was absolutely great as well.I loved the characters and the dark setting of it,I adored the beautiful art and music and the story was great too,sometimes unsettling and sometimes very sweet.My favorite Route in the game was definitely Lu,I liked his character and was really shocked and distraught by his Route at least two times.I didn’t see the plot twist(s) coming at all!

Besides these ramblings I’ve also wanted to ask if you still remember how to get the lower two CGs on page 5?I seem to always miss them and would appreciate any help.Anyways I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother and I wish the devs a great day!:)

Thank you for all the kind words <3. You get those DLCs by going through the end of the Guide’s character path. You can use the guides on Steam to help you find it/reach the end!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you again for all of these questions :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

#our life #xoxo droplets #lake of voices #ask #Our Life Beginnings & Always #ourlifeba #gb patch #gb patch games

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nighttimepixels · 4 years ago

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TALK TO US ABOUT MASS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN AN INSANE MASS EFFECT/SHAKARIAN TRASH PERSON SINCE 20-FUCKING-11 AND LEMME TELL YOU THOSE FEELINGS HAVENOT TARNISHED A SINGLE FRACTION IN THOSE TEN YEARS OH MY GOOOOOOODDDSSSS!!!!!!!

I DEMAND A PLAY-BY-PLAY UP TO THE MINUTE OF YOUR REACTIONS TO EVERYTHING!!!!

you are so valid and I totally see why everyone I've ever mentioned it to loves the hell out of it

aksdjlsdfj I meannnn if you want to hear my rambling about it then hell yeah

Okay, gonna put this below the cut to save everyone else XD also- since I'm not leaving this Mass Effect obsession anytime soon, if you're not interested in seeing occasional posts about it, please feel free to block the tag "night plays ME"~

(mild spoilers ahead??)

((also for real I mean it when I say this is rambling as hell lol, apologies and no stress if absolute no one reads all this))

OKAY SO Mass Effect 1-

Stars help me, I was honestly hooked right from the start?? Like even in Legendary Edition (the combined trilogy just re-released in one "can play it on one system + minor improvements", for anyone who doesn't know) where it's smoothed out, of course it's obvious that ME1 is a decade old... but the foundation for these relationships are all there and gods I love them already.

Like - Kaiden right off the top is a delightful good fightin lad, what the hell. I've heard that he's viewed as 'bland' by a good portion of the fan community but I dunno, he's a delight and even more complex by the time 2 rolls around and you encounter him on Horizon, it was honestly Ashley I was way more meh about - mostly because before you can learn about her family history/etc, she comes off as hella xenophobic and I was immediately offended for my growing space family that she didn't like/trust all the aliens around, pfff.

(she gets redeemed a bit through further actions/evolving thoughts, but I thought in retrospect it was a bummer that they didn't flip the order there, give her a chance to be liked before the complicating factor of being so rude about aliens >:c that then she could grow from... ah well. Apparently she has a good arc but uh, let's just say I chose Kaiden at the "key junction" in the latter part of the game so I won't be seeing anymore of Ashley uh... anytime soon, haha.)

Garrus??? Is??????? The ABSOLUTE best???????????

I liked him from the start, I'm always a bit of a sucker for a rogue-detective "the system won't bring this bastard to justice, so I've got to" type and all their moral shadiness XD But he just gets better, honestly, and where I'm at in ME2 (right before the Reaper IFF mission, as of typing this, with everyone's loyalty!) I am only digging myself deeper into this hole-

-*wheezing* okay anyways -

Wrex is AMAZING I love fightin' middle-aged krogan bastard, gods. Liara is great too, I'm a sucker for a wlw relationship (playing fem!Shepard, so) - buuuut I'll admit she's a bit more one-note in ME1. Last week while I was still on ME1 I remember hearing (while trying to dodge spoilers) that her arc is really good, though. I think they leaned a little hard on the 'innocent but sexy' sterteotype on her (so despite the yikes aspect of a few of the things I've learned in ME2, lol, I actually really like the complexity that's been added to her character.)

Saved Liara first, so by the time I got to Noveria and had the standoff with Benezia there was the chance to have emotions over Liara having to face her TwT and of course, I made the questionable but quality decision to free Queen Rachni heheh. no ragrets

More than a blow-by-blow of my choices though I totally wanna take the chance to say that even in the mild jankiness of ME1 (goddammit, the Mako.... please..... please just go up this impossible cliff I just want to resource hunt-) the way that the lore, both obvious/key to main plot and the lesser/filler/background/world-building kinds... I just love it. It incorporates it well, you can go ham in the codex learning more, or just dive into the basics - it's clearly a complex galaxy (and they do an even better job in 2 of fleshing it out further), and it never really felt overwhelming. It was pretty natural figuring it all out-!

Plus the interesting implications of resource hunting amongst the sapient races, and the little side missions you better bet I did every one of- there's so much rich depth in the story if you do 'em!! (And that lead with that Keeper side mission...? Looking back, damn, clever foreshadowing-!!!)

And oh my gods, Ilios??? hell yeah. I loved that mission so much, especially having Garrus & Kaiden with me when talking to the hologram/computer, and more than anything, that last sprint in the Mako trying to get to the jump before it closed-???

yeet the boi-

Also mannn I love a good setpiece, and having to go up the side of the elevator, space-side?? such a cool setup!!

Plus it felt good having been Paragon enough (as simple as the good v bad vibe system is, I don't hate it, lol) to avoid one of the Saren fights, ngl. And the er, "second fight" with Sovereign-Saren.... hell yeah

... I'll admit I had to double check my choice re whether to save the Council. I did in the end, but I swear, sometimes the way they phrase things I'm like ".... okay but Garrus is right, defeating Sovereign is more important than these few leaders??????" woops. Listen, priorities, is all I'm saying..... (￣ヮ￣|||)ゞ

'Course later they emphasize (in ME2) that there were 10,000 people on that same ship and I was like well I wouldn't have second guessed if I'd known that, I mean c'mon-

Also I did indeed romance Liara in this one, so I got that scene ;Dc But,,,, I also knew by the end that I was totally gonna romance Garrus in 2 since he's an option then finally,,,,, lemme tell you the guilt as I waffled over whether to romance Liara bc of it. hahaha.

Aaaaand Mass Effect 2-

So I'm only up to right before the Reaper IFF Mission, so I don't know the ending, etc etc lol. That said, I've just finished every side mission I've found with the exception of the Shadowbroker Quest and the Arrival Quest (I've heard the latter basically leads into ME3, and the former is best either right before the Omega 4 jump or in postgame).

So from the start - fuck yeah fuck yeah what a high adrenaline start Shepard noooooo but also yes save Joker aH-

The motion comic too hot damn nice job

I loved this setup, seriously - especially forcing Shep into this situation, having to work with/for Cerberus, and the compelling reasoning given behind "why" they do what they do (I especially found it a good point that the Salarians have the Task Force, the Asaris the Commandos, the Turians the- etc... like, true, when you put it like that, having a similar group advancing human interests/solving human interstellar problems is pretty reasonable...). That said, I love too that it really isn't shied away from how Cerberus is nonetheless fucked up - or its at least done fucked up stuff.

Listen, I still think some messed up stuff is gonna be revealed in 2's endgame......... after that Horizon mission and the Collector's ship???? TIM I SEE YOU YOU SHADY MF-

aaanyways lol...

I'm so so glad on a gameplay level they nixed the Mako style exploration. A few Hammerhead missions are fine and a lot more focused than the slippery ass navigation in that glorified ATV, pfff. The probes are a neat way of getting after similar resources - and more importantly, having good levels and some good hubs (the Zakera Wards, Omega, Ilium, etc) is way way more fun than having a more 'sprawling' space that is.... a lot of empty nonsense, lol.

Then there's the fact that we get Joker right off the bat and you can interact with him so much - and him and EDI??? Get out gods I love them. Kasumi is so right when she says they sound like a bickering old married couple lol. I have a terrible feeling that some shit is gonna happen with EDI..... but I don't think she's evil as-is, at least.

Side-eying the hell out of those "access forbidden" parts of her that she doesn't even know.... and the fact that her AI core has a locked door access................... something's gonna happen gdi LEAVE OUR ADOPTED AI ALONE.

(Also Joker pls stop fracturing your thumb on the mute button)

Also please save me there are so many hot aliens in this game,,,,, the xeno/monsterfuckers really comin' through strong in the sequels............... doin' the lord's work........................................

In general, I love how many levels ME stepped up in two with complexity and interwoven narratives!! Like, to the point it'd be almost a drag to replay ME1, even though it was fun going through it (if occasionally a bit tedious with the cookie cutter rando planet science/mine facilities, lol). Like, just from how fun and interesting ME2 is, mostly! more of all the pre-introduced races, plus new ones, plus more filling in of intragalactic politics, and more interesting implications of all these space-faring races mixing....

Also gods WREX and his planet holy shit,,,,, fuckin' hell yeah my man get their shit together and also adopt Grunt yes good-

And Mordin??? My singing semi-evil scientist best friend forced to confront his choices more than he thought he ever would have???? With some of the best ongoing general report chatter of all the companions??

(when I tell you I choked on my coffee when I talked to him after confirming romance choice w/ Garrus and that 'pamphlet' and 'anaphalactic shot if ingesting-' kajsldkfjsldfjk)

Like, fuck, the fact that they actually dive into the mixed morality and horrors of the genophage, and you can confront Mordin on it, for good reason, yet he still stands his ground, until finally some bits of his loyalty mission seem to... affect him, and I'm guessing might set up things for 3 with him? Unsure, but either way, damn, the fact that they start to dig into it...

And Taliiiii my beloved forbidden alien wife TwT her loyalty mission was SO GOOD. I love how varied they all are?? Getting to defend her and discover what she'd unwittingly been a part of-!!

Zaeed is a bastard but tbh I love that he is and that he's unapologetic in him - and Kasumi omg, best thief. A heist?? Gods, yes- I love our couch lounge chats XD

Samara is..... illegally.......... she's an illegally powerful and beautiful and eloquent MILF...........................

(.... listen I'm sapphic as hell and I'm kicking my own ass for picking her up last aksjdlfksjdfl - but her loyalty mission, damn. And seeing how there's this interesting cultural subset, and the struggle with the Asari in that they unquestioningly accept/respect justicars, but also know that the impact outside their culture is a diplomacy nightmare waiting to happen-)

,.,,,,,T,,, Thane,,,,,

I am weak for morally implicated murder dads okay?? And that voice??? His mannerisms?????? How you first see him, and that prayer after assassinating her...???????? And his history/his people's history with the hanar, gods I love how messy it is, it feels so much more real!

Also Jack is a mess and I love her (and want to get her some therapy, omg), and her and Miranda nearly duking it out after you've done both their loyalty missions??? so good and makes a lot of sense-! Honestly I would love more interactions between teammates on the ship, but there's already so much the devs had to balance I can't blame 'em for minimizing, heh. But suffice to say I also love Miranda and Jacob, even if I'm softest for my alien crew XD Hell yeah Jacob, we'll get loud and spill drinks on the citadel indeed TwT

.... I could write a whole essay on how much I love Garrus oTL Perhaps because he and Tali are the throughlines from 1 on your 2 crew, I have some of the strongest feelings about them... but genuinely, he was one of my favorite companions in the first game, and how you find him as Archangel in two? Getting to help him fight his way out after he's gone nearly 48 hours straight fighting off three gangs alone, jfc. His vengeance quest and what can happen there.... That line? fuck me, that line -

It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don't know what to do with gray...

How DARE you come for my heart like this, devs holy shit

(also, some other choice faves so far from the series from him include We can disobey suicidal orders?? and This wasn't in my training manual... [in 1, if you have him with you @ th Thorian fight] and his whole.... pop the heat sink - in his romance ;Dc)

asdasdfksadjfkl like I said I can write an essay on him PFFF suffice to say I'm very looking forward to his romance scene and where things go in 3

But yeah gods I'm just gonna keep rambling if I'm not careful lol. Gods I don't even know what to talk about it's all so good and while I can understand people roasting the obviousness of Paragon V Renegade (v neutral) choices/alignments, I think they do a pretty damn good job in 2 of pushing it further - to the point that there were some times that I accidentally got renegade points and I wasn't that mad, haha. There's so much fun in the interactions that I just have a good time anyways~

I have so many thoughts about TIM (The Illusive Man) and Cerberus.... theories evolving galore............... and like, what the hell!! Omega 4 going to the center of the galaxy is such a cool twist, goddamn - though my heart still breaks at losing Kaiden (his line if you haven't romanced him?? about feeling like he lost a limb when he lost you??? holy shit.... but I also can't blame him for not trusting Cerberus to the point of it affecting his ability to trust Shepard... like fuck Shep go after himmmm) I'm really excited to see where that goes since he comes back in 3, and what the fuck happens with Cerberus bc while I love the fact that obviously there are a lot of people in it for the right reasons, doing good work, there are those that are doing the opposite, and I have a very bad feeling about where TIM will end up landing....

All that said though I need to do the Reaper IFF mission (where I'm lightly spoiled as to getting That Boy, but not how/what happens to make it so - just that it's apparently wise to have all your side missions done before getting him...) and the actual Omega 4 jump. So we'll see what happens and what I think about it from there heheh!

.... major kudos and genuine props if you made it here to the end, I am so sorry for not editing on condensing all this, and appreciate you so much ;w;

#night answers #night plays ME #(yes that's a purposeful pun lol)#((i sure have played myself by starting this series its so good aksdjflskjfd))

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franeridart · 4 years ago

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Anon said: I spend an hour going through your bokuro tag because I MISS YOUR KUROO (also also Bokuto in gay panic, that was gold) and like?? Your art style improved so much?? Legit it's so good?? I'm just?? In love ?? I kinda never noticed before but I had like. A sort of. Crush on your art for years?? I swear I'm just in love with your art wtf

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh that’s so nice of you thank you!!!!! I’m so so glad to hear you can see the improvement!!! <3<3

Anon said: I LOVE the SoMa art you did of their first kiss! Please do more!!!

I might I might!! Thank you so much for liking it!!!

Anon said: IF you could choose, how would you want Khun to become head of the family? Or would you even want him to surpass Edahn?

I think he’s bound to, in the end? At least to become more powerful than him, or influential, or anything that’d make it clear that he’s surpassed him - mostly cause I think all family heads will see themselves surpassed by someone else in their own family through the story - I mean, Bam is kind of collecting people from all the families, isn’t he? It feels a bit like he’s gearing to overtake the whole political system of the tower, not just Jahad, so, yeah, it feels kind of inevitable for Khun to take Eduan’s place by the end of it? If that makes sense to you??? I don’t really have a preferred way for him to do that, though! I like the thought of him insisting on people calling him by his surname instead of his name cause he wants the surname to end up associated more with himself than with Eduan by the end of it (you know, like, people around the tower atm say Khun and think about Eduan, but if Khun becomes famous enough then by the end of it people will say Khun and think about him, yeah? That’s kind of a way to overtake him too, I think haha) but that’s about as far as I go :D

Anon said: Hey! Idk of you still do things for your buna fusion au, but I was curious if you had a design or what your ideas may be for a kamishin fusion?

I’m not doing those anymore, sorry!

Anon said: I found your Tiny Dragon Bakugou post again and I still love them so much. Just the idea of Mitsuki taking in this tiny hatchling dragon, intending him to be a familiar. But it turns out said hatchling is an INCREDIBLY gifted shifter and figures out how to turn into a human child. Looks like she’s a mom now. Izuku is the only one to know he’s a tiny dragon at first cause he played with him before and after he shifted, seeding their rivalry.

I’m glad you like the concept enough to think about it this much! I can’t say my original plans for it went anywhere in this direction, but I’m glad you’re having fun with it!

Anon said: have you ever played undertale?

Haven’t! Can’t say I ever will either, probably

Anon said: i’m crying man 😭 i came here because of your konokomi content from like 2016 and now i’m seeing all ur kiribaku content and i’m just— your art is perfect man idfk what else to say but i just wanted to drop in and say SOMETHING

Ah man thank you so much!!!! So glad to hear people are still finding and liking my old haikyuu art, too! ;A;

Anon said: oof what'd the b/n/h/a fandom do this time?

Answering one to answer all of them - nothing! Nothing at all, they’re just unable to not spoil every single thing without tagging anything ever so it’s impossible to avoid them, and I hate spoilers with my whole heart and soul and they ruined for me the kirishima chapter and I was and still am extremely pissed about it

Anon said: Your Lavi gives me life and I missed him ;-;

Anon said: I miss lavi...

I’m so glad to hear that!!! (TT-TT) I miss him too.......................... hoshino pls bring my boy back ;;;;;;;;; </3

Anon said: erid comes from homestuck?? seeing that makes me so happy ohmygod eridan is my literal favourite as well ! and unrelated but your artwork is so GOOOD I love seeing it on my dash

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! always cool to find more people that still have fond memories of homestuck!!! (TT^TT)9 and thank you so much!!!!!!

#fran answers #long post #long overdue too lol #i should #close my inbox for a while.........................#mayhaps

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the-hilda-librarians-wife · 4 years ago

Text

No Mistletoe Above Our Heads

Summary: It’s the day of the Trolberg Winter Festival, and Matilda Pilkfist invites all her favorite people to her house to celebrate. Two of her guests, however, seem more interested in each other than anything elseContains spoilers for season 2

Notes: Did you know that legally you can post Christmas fics until the New Year? It’s right there in the constitution, I swear Jokes aside, I had two holiday fic ideas and only time to write one in time for Xmas and... that established relationship one won. Which, of course, didn’t stop me from wanting to do this one as well. Anyways this is set one year after the Trolberg Winter Festival that we see on season 2. Since we don’t know how much Johanna will know after the whole Troll business is over, I’m just making things up here.

Read it on ao3

The doorbell rang just in time for Kaisa to finish setting up the table, all the cutlery neatly in place.

“Oh, it’s the rest of our guests!” Tildy chirped. “You dears wait right here, I’ll go get them.”

Standing near Tildy’s table, the two of them watched the older woman walk to her front hall to open the door. There was a very strong scent of cinnamon in the air - Tildy had probably forgotten something in the oven.

“Do you know the other people she called?” Mr. Ostenfeld asked her, making her shrug.

‘Sort of. I’ve talked to the kids before. They’re okay.” Although she’d grown very fond of the children in the year she’d known them, spending the Winter Festival socializing with them was not a situation she was entirely comfortable with. She was sure she’d just be a wallflower and make them all feel like they needed to include her in their conversation for the sake of good manners, but her old mentor had insisted on her attending the dinner, so she’d given in. It wasn’t like she had any better plans for the evening, anyway, and she felt like she owned it to Tildy after spending years avoiding her.

“Frida, how delightful to see you!” They heard Matilda say from the doorway, and figured they should get closer to greet the guests as well. “And I’m so glad you two could come too!”

Behind Frida, there were two adults who resembled her a lot. Tildy let them in and pointed at them. “This is Peter, my boyfriend, and Kaisa. I used to be her English tutor as well!”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Mr. Ostenfeld said as Kaisa shook their hands. She had been warned, of course, that the adults didn’t know about the magic yet, but it still struck her as amusing to see arch-sorceress Matilda Pilkfist describe herself as an English tutor. She also wondered how her mentor was planning on explaining the skull on her wall, or the painting of witches around a fire, not to mention her hand mannequin for palmistry practice. Maybe she thought everyone had those things at home, that would be a very Tildy-like way of thinking.

After greeting Frida and her family, Kaisa brought her attention back to the other guests. She knew Frida’s familiar had also been invited. Tildy seemed to have taken a strong liking to her as well. What she hadn’t been expecting was to already know the adult who had come in with her.

Well, maybe know was too strong of a word. But she’d already met the woman at the library, where sometimes she’d go to look for inspiration for her work and Kaisa would help her, and sometimes they’d see each other around the city and wave. Still, it was enough for a noticeable spark of recognition to be lit on her brown eyes, even if she wasn’t the one who spoke first.

“Good evening!” Hilda greeted her happily. “It’s very nice to see you here!”

“Good evening, Hilda. How are you doing tonight?”

Seemingly unaware of how Kaisa’s gaze was straying to her mother behind her, the girl smiled. “Great! We just came from the bloom, it was so beautiful!”

“I agree. I was there long enough to see it, those flowers seem to get more beautiful every year.”

Though Hilda looked like she was going to agree, Mr. Ostenfeld approached them before she could say anything.

“Ah, so you two were invited! How lovely! Looks like you have already met my neighbors, eh Kaisa?”

“Good evening, Mr. Ostenfeld!” Mother and daughter said at the same time. Only now Kaisa realized that Johanna seemed to be trying to sneak glances at her as well.

“I already know Kaisa.” Hilda explained. “I don’t think mum does, though.”

With her hand on her hips, the woman rolled her eyes playfully. “Hilda, I’m not illiterate. I’ve already met Kaisa at the library.”

Hilda’s mouth formed a perfect “o” shape, her eyes widening only slightly. It seemed like an odd thing for her to realize her mother had a life beyond what they did together.

“It’s good to finally see you in a more social setting, Kaisa.” She said, raising her hand for the librarian to shake.

"Likewise." The woman’s grip was warm and soft, and something in Kaisa didn’t want to let go. “I don’t think I ever got your name.”

“Johanna.” The woman smiled. Perhaps the night wouldn’t be a waste after all.

_#_#_#_

Johanna never thought she’d be so glad to see the librarian.

When Hilda told her they’d been invited to Frida’s English Tutor’s Winter Festival dinner, she’d been skeptical at best. Not because she didn’t trust the woman, not even out of unwillingness to spend the Festival in a way so different from how she used to when she was younger, but because she knew Hilda would leave her alone, and she couldn’t blame her.

Being with her friend meant the girl would probably run off to somewhere private to talk to her alone, and Johanna would left to… mingle with the adults, something she didn’t quite know if she would manage. Her daughter had thought she had wanted her to make human friends for the sake of being normal. Truth be told, what she really wanted was for Hilda to have more social skills than she did when she grew up.

Her prediction had been proven true. The girls had gone to some other room in Matilda’s house at her invitation, and the rest of them had moved to a sitting room, where they sat down on the couches in pairs: the host and her boyfriend, Frida’s parents, and the party’s two outcasts, which had been left to sit together.

Kaisa seemed to realize they were the odd ones out - the only ones who weren’t there as a couple and who weren’t quite close to nearly anyone - at the same time Johanna did, and they smiled sympathetically at each other as they sat down on the bright red sofa.

Neither of them added much to the conversation; Tildy was able to carry it with her usual brightness and Frida’s parents seemed to be interested in adding their opinions as well, especially when the topic was their daughter’s incredible willingness to learn.

Not particularly interested in the dialogue, Kaisa let her mind wander elsewhere, until she felt Johanna tense up beside her. They weren’t close enough for her to physically feel it, but sensing her energy was enough for Kaisa to pick up something was wrong. She blinked and tried to remember the sentence that had just been spoken.

“It brings us a lot of pride.” Frida’s father had said, which made Kaisa assume the conversation still had been centered around Frida. “But it must be quite hard to have a trouble maker for a child, isn’t it? I imagine you’ve tried everything at this point to get Hilda to behave, and I should have expected Frida to have had a bigger impact on her, being the positive influence that she is.”

Johanna swallowed, and Kaisa could tell from the way her fist clenched on the hem of her sweater that she knew exactly what to answer, just as well as she knew she’d be beyond rude if she said what she wanted to.

“I don’t see what you mean.” As though they had forgotten she was there, and she wouldn’t be shocked if they had, all eyes turned to Kaisa with surprise in them. The only exception was Tildy, who had her typical knowing smirk on. “I’ve had plenty of opportunities to watch Hilda’s behavior, since she visits the library a lot, not once has she done anything that would have me describe her as a trouble maker. And trust me, I have seen some difficult children in my job.”

Looking quite flustered, the man tried to reverse the situation. “Well, surely you’ll agree-“

“There’s the basic, of course.” Kaisa didn’t let him finish. “She never yells or misplaces books, or returns them late. But even when she takes some actions that I suppose could be considered… off route, never has anyone been put in harm’s way by her that I know of, and all her actions are inspired by selflessness. Intelligence doesn’t only mean one thing, and I can assure you the girl is as smart as she is brave. It’s a shame not everyone can recognize it.”

Pleased when both parents looked properly chastened, Kaisa sat back against the couch and pretended to have stopped caring about the conversation again. Oh, if only those two knew the sort of thing their own child got involved with. She’d very much like to see their faces when they found out.

“I agree completely.” Said Peter from the other side of the room. “Never met anyone with better intentions.”

Tildy nodded at her boyfriend, even though her eyes seemed to stray away to the direction of the couch where Johanna and Kaisa were sitting. “Yes, she’s got a heart of gold, that one.”

Only when Kaisa glanced at Frida’s parents, wanting to see how they would look while trying to explain themselves, did she notice that Johanna was not looking at her daughter’s defensors, but rather at her. Her lips parted in a silent gasp when she saw her mouthing a ‘thank you’ to her.

Ignoring Frida’s mother’s fumbled speech as she tried to talk about the “value the school system gives to different learning types”, Kaisa whispered back at Johanna. “Want to get away?”

Though there was no clear answer from her part, no nod or smile, Kaisa didn’t miss the way her eyes lit up and her back straightened at the prospect.

“This is certainly a fascinating topic.” Kaisa blurted as she stood up, well aware that the sarcasm was showing in her voice. “But is it just me or is there something burning?”

Tildy sniffed the air and widened her eyes. Kaisa hadn’t even had to make anything up, something was burning.

“My korvapuusti!” Tildy gasped, but before she could move further, Kaisa gestured for her to remain seated.

“Don’t worry, I can see to it. Though I’m not much of a cook, so maybe Johanna should come with me.” She raised an eyebrow to the woman, expecting her to understand the cue she was trying to create at the same time she knew she was free to refuse it. “Hilda has already brought me some cookies you made, so I know you are skilled.”

“Of course.” Hoping she hadn’t been too quick to answer, Johanna got up and adjusted the hem of her sweater, sneaking a glance at Kaisa, who seemed to be as anxious to get out of there as her.

A dawning realization seemed to slowly replace the worry in Tildy’s face, and she smiled. “How sweet of the two of you to help this old woman. Thank you, dears.”

Kaisa nodded and went back to the entrance hall they’d been at some minutes ago, and Johanna fell in step beside her as she made her way through the house. She seemed to know where she was going, so Johanna didn’t question it, even as she spotted some frankly bizarre details in the house. Something about the way herb jars and crystals adorned nearly every surface was eerie, yet not unpleasant to her. And surely she was imagining the way the portaits’s eyes seemed to follow them.

“Thanks for that.” Johanna said when she had to do a little sprint to catch up with the librarian, a decoration that very much looked like a serpent with horns having had caught her attention. Kaisa slowed down her pace.

“Don’t think about it. There is something burning, anyway, and you very much are more more apt to deal than this than I am.”

“Oh, not that, though I am very grateful for the excuse to go away for a bit.” The lighting in that part of the house was significantly dimmer, somewhy being composed basically of candle light, and for a second Johanna was distracted by how their warm glow and the shadows they cast accentuated the sharp angles in Kaisa’s features. It was probably just the artist side of her showing. “I mean for defending Hilda like that. It’s good to know you have such a positive view of her and… I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t spoken up first.”

Kaisa smiled. This was something Johanna didn’t think she’d seen her do any time before that night. It had always been a certainty in her mind, though she didn’t know why, that the mysterious librarian didn’t show who she really was in the library. Now she wondered if she’d finally get to see more of Kaisa’s hidden side since they were behind closed doors.

“You would have been fine.” Thankful for the weak lighting hiding her blush, Kaisa answered. “At worst you would have told them what they need to hear.”

“That their daughter is going to develop one hell of a failure anxiety if they keep this up?”

“That she already has and Hilda is the positive influence that keeps her grounded. Those two really do a lot of good to each other, it’s a lovely friendship to watch.”

Kaisa opened a door and flicked the light switch up, making them both blink a few times since their eyes had adapted to relative darkness. The scent of burnt cinnamon and cardamom was much stronger there, and Johanna quickly spotted the oven and ran to it.

“You seem to know quite a lot about the children.” Johanna pointed out as Kaisa grabbed an oven mitt from the overhead shelf and handed it to her. Carefully, she opened the oven and was struck by a cloud of smoke and heat, holding herself back not to cough as she reached inside and pulled out the tray with the sweets on it. The cinnamon rolls were certainly a lot darker than they ought to be.

Kaisa waved her hand in the air, trying to make the smoke and the strong smell of burnt food fade, and with her other hand she gestured for Johanna to put the tray on an empty place on the counter.

“I don’t go out much.” She admitted half unwillingly. Admitting her lack of social life probably was not the best course of action to take if she wanted Johanna to be interested in befriending her, but she'd certainly figure it out in no time, anyway. “So when I notice recurring patrons that don’t irk me, I usually pay attention to them.”

“Pay attention?” Johanna asked as she tried to figure out how to turn off Matilda’s prehistoric oven before they both choked to death.

With a fork, Kaisa attempted to examine whether or not the confections were still salvageable. At first when she couldn’t poke inside, she thought maybe the crust of sugar and cinnamon had just gotten too thick, but when it broke with an audible crack before yielding she knew they were lost.

“I’m not-” She crossed her arms over her chest, biting her lower lip as she wondered if it was a good idea to answer that question truthfully. Due precisely to not having many friends, Kaisa knew she tended to overshare when people would listen to her, and it just made them go away. But there was something in the way Johanna looked at her that made her believe she genuinely wanted to know. “I’m not really good at talking to people. I seem to be the kind of person that is more interesting when watched from afar, anyway. So I tend to pay attention to visitors, as a hobby I suppose. You can tell a lot by people-watching.”

Johanna took off the mits and gave them back to Kaisa for her to put them in their proper place, and gave her a small nod as a sign to go on.

“I probably wouldn’t know this much about them, but curious as they are the children began to… talk to me.” Kaisa said. It wasn’t quite a lie, but she was sure the story would make much more sense to Johanna if she could mention the Committee and the magic. Though perhaps that was for the better, since that would also mean admitting to taking her daughter through a magical maze, not to mention the ghost situation and the tide mice incident. She highly doubted that Johanna would appreciate it. “And I suppose we just got along. They’re very sweet kids, the three of them, and their curiosity brings them to the library quite often.”

Rather than being disturbed by some of her closest bonds being with children she had no family ties to, Johanna smiled like she understood.

“They really are lovely.” With great difficulty, Johanna managed to unstick one of the sweets from the tray. “It’s a shame I don’t get to talk much to Frida and David, though. Hilda usually doesn’t want her mother bothering her friends. I guess it’s just signs of pre-teenagehood showing up.”

After bringing the korvapuusti to her nose and sniffing it, Johanna had to do her best to hide a grimace at the smell. “Oh, goodness, I hope Matilda doesn’t get too upset about not serving dessert.”

“Eh, she’s probably done another batch earlier.” Kaisa said as a way of hiding the fact that Tildy would probably use a revitalization spell and serve them anyway. Currently, the librarian was more interested in something else she’d just spotted on the counter.

It was a small jar, not much bigger than a glass of water and filled to the brim with a cream coloured paste. She grabbed it so fast that Johanna blinked with surprise, and thought for a moment that she was trying to hide something.

“Tildy made condensed milk!” Kaisa chirped, sounding very much like an excited child as she opened one of the drawers and took out two tablespoons. ��I mean, of course she did. She always puts it on the table when she makes korvapuusti in case anyone wants to add it on top, but she made so much this time! How lucky.”

As Kaisa scooped a spoonful of the viscous substance, Johanna bit back a smirk. If people truly did think Kaisa’s uncensored self wasn’t as interesting as the image she first showed them was, the woman would have to disagree strongly. Every time she’d seen the librarian in her work place, Kaisa had set in her the desire to get to know her better, and now that she was seeing beneath the mystery and the quietness, nothing changed; if anything, Johanna was even more intrigued. In her mind, she compared her to a good brownie: once you got past the crispy crust it was warm and soft inside, and both parts were just as good.

“You seem very close to her as well.” Johanna pointed out. “Between her and the children, you’re probably better off in the friend department than I am.”

Kaisa stopped scooping a second spoon to look at her, her brow furrowed. “Really? You look like a very popular person.”

Flattered, Johanna chuckled. “What makes you say that?”

“You’re nice.” Kaisa shrugged. “Nice people usually have a lot of friends.”

“Well, I’m glad that’s how I come across. But I’m afraid I don’t really have any friends. None human, at least.”

Johanna looked away and cringed. Great way to get people to like you, she told herself. Make them see how weird you are. It was ironic, really. She’d insisted so much on Hilda making some human friends, and in the end she was the one drinking her afternoon tea with a nisse. If Kaisa had thought she was nice rather than odd, like most people did, it wouldn’t last if she continued talking so freely.

There was no judgement, not even surprise, when she looked back at Kaisa’s face, though. She looked like she thought that what Johanna was saying made perfect sense.

“Now you have one.” She had set down the jar again and was raising one of the spoons up for Johanna to take. “If I might call myself that, I mean.”

“Oh.” Johanna smilled, a cool sensation of butterflies in her belly making her fidget with the hem of her sweater. “Yes, of course. I’d love to be your friend!”

Kaisa’s grin widened, and Johanna spent a second thinking about how beautiful the dark lipstick shade she was wearing looked on her before realizing she was still waiting for her to take the spoon.

“Oh.” Johanna gasped again, mentally kicking herself from fumbling over her words so much. She wasn’t normally like this, but Kaisa had no way of knowing this and would probably think her a complete fool before the night was over. “Shouldn’t we wait until after dinner?”

“What’s the harm? Hilda isn’t here, you know? You don’t have to set a good exemple.” Kaisa said even as lowered the spoon, as if to show that she wouldn’t pressure her to do it. However, the argument seemed to have been a good one, because as soon as she brought her own spoon to her lips to taste the condensed milk, Johanna gave in and picked up hers.

“This is really good!” Johanna said regardless of thinking that it was maybe a bit too sweet for her to be able to eat a whole spoonful of it. Kaisa didn’t seem to be having any problems with it, though, and she didn’t want to let her new friend down.

Kaisa leaned her back against the counter, pleased Johanna seemed to have liked it. Figuring it would probably be inappropriate if she kept watching her as she licked the condensed milk out of the spoon, which she firmly told herself she’d only been doing because she wanted to catch her reaction, Kaisa ran her eyes around the kitchen as she concentrated on her early dessert. Until, that was, her attention was caught by something on the doorframe.

“Did Tildy seriously put mistletoe in the kitchen?” She sighed, more to herself than to Johanna.

“Not fond of them?” Johanna asked with her gaze also focused on the bundle of green leaves and pearly white berries.

“I’ve no ill will towards them.” Kaisa ate the last of what was left on her spoon and wondered if it was worth it to wash it and get some more condensed milk. “I just feel like it can be a really stupid tradition. Can’t be pleasant to be under the mistletoe with someone you don’t like.”

“Yes, it must be uncomfortable.” While she answered, Johanna turned to face Kaisa, who was washing the spoon in order to put it back inside the drawer, figuring out Tildy would notice if too much of the condensed milk was gone. Realizing Kaisa had some of it in the corner of her mouth, anything else she might have said was snatched out of her tongue as the sudden thought that it truly was a pity that Kaisa didn’t appreciate that tradition popped in her mind. Embarrassed, she shook her head as if to expel that notion, and put the spoon in her mouth to finish eating as well. “I wonder where on earth it came from. Sounds random to say the least.”

Kaisa hummed in agreement, and though Kaisa offered to wash Johanna’s spoon as well, she insisted on cleaning up after herself. After they were both done, they decided they’d probably been away for longer than socially acceptable. It was probably already time for dinner, at that point.

As they retraced their steps, however, the two women stopped in front of the first door frame after the kitchen's, staring at the same thing for the same reason.

“Curious.” Johanna hummed. “I don’t remember that mistletoe being there.”

It escaped Johanna’s notice, but not Kaisa’s, that there was something out of the ordinary with the sprig. After a few seconds of watching it, a glittering speck of green dust fell from it, floating all the way to the ground. The witch’s shoulders hunched forward like they tended to do when she was annoyed. An illusion spell.

“I don’t think they were here before.” She hissed through clenched teeth, low enough for Johanna to not hear it. Every other room they passed by was the same: a small mistletoe where before there had been none.

“It was probably the weak lighting.” Johanna said as they passed by their fifth mistletoe, although she failed to convince even herself with that explanation. Kaisa might not have noticed it since she had just been looking forward to where they had been going, but Johanna had been paying very close attention to her surroundings. Maybe that house’s nisse had decided to add some decoration?

Kaisa did her best to smile and say “Yes, it probably was.”, knowing it must have looked way more like a growl. Right when they arrived back at the sitting room, her suspicions were confirmed. Not only did Tildy have her hand inside the pocket where she kept her wand, but also the look of curiosity she gave them when they came back spoke louder than any words.

“You’re back! We were just waiting for you to go to the table.” Tildy chirped, looking deep inside Kaisa’s eyes, looking for something.

“Someone better go call the children, then.”

Tildy looked away at Kaisa’s unwavering answer. Whatever she’d been looking for, and the librarian thought she had a pretty good idea of what it was, she hadn’t found it.

“And the korvapuusti?”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to use your extra batch.”

“Oh, well.” She got up with her boyfriend's aid. “There’s always next time, isn’t there.”

Something led Kaisa to believe she was not talking about the confections.

_#_#_#_

“It was great to spend some time with you, Kaisa!”

The librarian tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, hoping she didn’t look too happy to be hearing that.

“Likewise, Johanna.”

Would asking to see her again be too much? It probably would, but she could think of nothing else to say. They just stood perfectly still as they looked at each other, the cold from the night outside creeping into the house through the open door behind Johanna. Holding her mother’s hand, Hilda glanced back and forth at both of them with a curious frown.

“I guess I’ll see you at the library, then?” Johanna said at last, and Kaisa nodded.

“Yes. That’s… that’s where I’ll be.”

“Well, happy Bloom again! And good night.” At this point, Hilda was already trying to subtly drag her mother away. For someone who always complained about the Woodman leaving the door open, she thought Johanna really should pay more attention to that sort of thing.

“Good night to the two of you.” Said Kaisa. Finally happy that Johanna had began moving out, Hilda smiled and waved at the witch.

“Bye bye, Kaisa! See you when I see you!”

When the door was closed at last, and Kaisa was the only guest left (it didn’t matter that she was one of the strongest witches alive, Kaisa would feel bad if she left an elderly lady to clean up everything alone), Tildy surreptitiously crept up by her side.

“Did you at least get her number?” Tildy asked with a sigh, which made her former apprentice remember why exactly she’d been mad at her.

“Tildy.” Kaisa groaned, putting her hands on her waist. “I know you mean well, but you’re going a little too far. I barely even know Johanna and you’re already conjuring mistletoes around the house?!”

Saying that, she pointed to the spot one of the sprigs had been just a few minutes before, even though there was nothing there at that moment. The woman giggled, kneeling down with some difficulty to pick her familiar up when it walked to her.

“Oh, but I’ve a good eye for this sort of thing!” She defended herself cheerfully as she petted that thing she called a familiar. Kaisa had never seen eye to eye with it. It had a tendency of eating her books which hadn’t faded with time. “I saw some sparks flying and I decided to help along! Such a shame you didn’t grab the chance.”

Kaisa pinched the bridge of her nose. Sometimes she wondered if age was beginning to get the best of her old mentor. “Okay, fine, I think she’s cute. You’ve always been able to tell how I feel and I won’t deny it. But we both know close to nothing about her! She doesn’t even like mistletoes-”

“This younger generation.” Tildy scoffed, interrupting her. “So unromantic.”

“And even if her feelings were reciprocal.” Kaisa continued with a glare, figuring it was better to pretend she hadn’t heard that. No matter how old Kaisa got, she was always part of the ‘younger generation’ in Tildy’s eyes. “We’ve just properly met! “that’s way too forward and you know it, so don’t try to blame me for not making a move in the first five seconds of knowing someone.”

“Oh, Kaisa.” The sorceress sighed as she began walking away to the kitchen, so they both could start and finish their washing as soon as possible. “No need to get so defensive. I was only trying to help you, but I apologize if it made you uncomfortable in any way. However, as someone who wants nothing but your happiness, I need to ask you to reach out to that woman as soon as possible.”

Kaisa hugged her arms around her torso. Somewhy that idea was enough to make her afraid, even if she couldn’t tell what of. “It’s okay, Tildy. You don’t have to apologize, but I think I’ll wait until Johanna goes to the library again. We can talk a bit and… and then when she visits it again it won’t be weird to try and arrange another meeting somewhere else.”

Tildy stopped right in front of the sink and narrowed her eyes at Kaisa. “Were you not listening?”

“I was, but-“

“No buts!” She exclaimed, throwing a towel at Kaisa. Whether she wanted her to do the drying or she was just exasperated and wanted to throw something at her, she didn’t know. “Do you know why I’m dating Peter?”

“Hopefully because you love him?” Kaisa answered, somewhat stunned at the sudden change in topic.

“Very funny, aren’t you.” Opening the sink to begin her washing, Tildy snickered. “I mean, why am I dating him instead of already being married to him? I did already tell you we met when we were young.”

“Because you’re both broke and can’t take a loan since the bank doesn't like you.” Kaisa joked, which resulted in Tildy shaking her weat hand on her direction to send a couple of drops of water at her. Laughing as her she shielded her face from the water, she quickly added. “I’m kidding! It’s because you two didn’t talk for very long.”

Tildy nodded as she went back to washing. There was something sad in her eyes, and anyone else might have missed it. Kaisa, however, had spent too much time with her, had shared too many conquests and downfalls with this woman to not be able to pick it up.

“We met one night and fell in love almost instantly. But we knew nothing of each other… I spent my life hoping he’d find me, and he spent his life not being able to because he didn’t know how. He spent his life regretting not having asked me out on that first night. Do you see what I’m trying to tell you?”

“Be grateful Johanna knows where I work and for modern technology?”

Tildy gave her a glare that made her sure that if looks could kill, she’d need a spot at Guglow’s. Even her familiar, who had moved to lie atop of her head, seemed to be staring at her with impatience, and Kaisa sighed in defeat.

“I understand the lesson, Tildy. And even though I don’t really agree in this ‘love at first sight’ talk and your extreme carpe diem mentality, I’ll… try to do something. So as not to become a target for your crossbow practice, if anything.”

Finally pleased, Tildy smiled.

“Smart girl!”

_#_#_#_

“Hey, mum, what are you doing?”

Slouched over a cookbook in her bedroom, Johanna hadn’t even heard it when Hilda opened the door. Her daughter sat near her on the bed and tried to take a peak at what she was reading.

“I’m trying to find any condensed milk recipes in our old recipe book.” She explained, though she knew that at that point she all but had that book’s contents memorized. “Kaisa seems to like it a lot… she was very kind to both of us at the party, I wanted to make her something as a late winter festival gift, even if it’s just a batch of cookies.”

“Sounds like a good idea. You could take the chance and ask if she has any recipes she’d prefer.”

Finally Johanna dragged her eyes away from the book, and noticed Hilda had a sly smile on. “What do you mean?”

“The doorbell rang, remember? She’s at the door.”

“What?!” Johanna jumped from the bed, wondering how Kaisa knew where she lived before remembering she could have gotten the address from the library records, or from Frida, Matilda, and even from Hilda herself. Before leaving the room, she glanced at the mirror to check her appearance, which made Hilda lift an eyebrow.

She was sure she wasn’t imagining the blush on the librarian’s face when she opened the door, but she was more worried about the fact that she probably had one of her own.

“I wonder where it came from.” Kaisa quoted Johanna’s words from the night before, from when they’d seen the first mistletoe on the kitchen’s doorway, and bit back a grimace when she realized she’d forgotten to say “good afternoon”. There was no coming back from that, so she continued. “That’s what you said about the mistletoe’s tradition yesterday. I, ah, got curious. So I did some research and found out it actually comes from mythology. And biology. The biology of the plant mattered too, you see.”

There was a beat of silence in which Johanna just blinked at her, and Kaisa was afraid she’d slam the door on her face for turning up in her house out of the blue to talk about mistletoe lore the day after a holiday. Instead, she opened a grin.

“That sounds fascinating!” Johanna said, feeling her heart pick up pace. Not only had Kaisa truly listened to what she said, but she’d had the mind to look for answers and to come all the way to her house to tell her what she’d found. “I’m working on an evergreens pattern for a series of products, I actually think knowing more about these aspects of them would give me a lot of inspiration!”

Standing up a little straighter, Kaisa couldn’t hold back a breathy chuckle of relief that Johanna seemed to be taking that attempt well.

“I was hoping you’d let me tell you more about it over coffee?” She asked as she bit down on her bottom lip. “If you’re busy right now-”

“No, no!” Johanna waved her hands in front of her. “I’m completely free.”

Perhaps that hadn’t been the best thing to say, since she had just informed her that she was working on a project, but Kaisa didn’t seem skeptical of her answer at all, only happy. Her grey eyes lit up, as beautiful as the snow outside when the weak winter sun shone on it.

“Oh.” Kaisa breathed. She seemed surprised, and maybe even amazed by the situation, and it filled Johanna with warmth. If she seemed awe struck by something so simple, she couldn’t possibly be used to being appreciated, and Johanna couldn’t wait to change that. Figuring Kaisa had already done the most of the reaching out just by going there, she spoke up again.

“There’s a pretty good coffee house in the centre square.” She said. “We could take the chance to pick up some fallen Sostansil flowers, I loved pressing them in my journal when I was younger. Plus, I’m pretty sure they sell their cookbooks there, and I just discovered I need a new one.”

As if by work of magic, confidence seemed to return to Kaisa’s stance. “That sounds lovely!”

“I’ll just check with Hilda if it’s alright to leave her alone and-”

“Don’t worry about me.” Both of them startled when they noticed Hilda had been standing a few meters away, in the kitchen. “I’ve got to do homework and walk Twig.”

“Hilda, it’s impolite to listen to other people’s conversations.” Johanna called out. All the girl did was mutter an amused ‘sorry’ and walk back to her room.

Since when Johanna looked back at the librarian she didn’t look put off by Hilda’s behaviour, she took a step back and pointed behind herself.

“In this case, I’ll just grab my coat and we can go. I’d love to hear all about what you found out.”

Kaisa’s smile was the last thing Johanna saw before she ran off to her room. It was intriguing, she thought, how the mistletoe hadn’t needed to be above her head to help her.

Maybe, from then on, she’d like it a lot more.

#fic: nmaoh #my fic #sketchbook ship #sketchbook ship hilda #sketchbook ship fanfic #kaisa hilda fanfic #johanna hilda fanfic

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dancingdimitri · 4 years ago

Text

Well, it’s officially been a year. On March 23, 2020, I unboxed the secondhand Switch we had obtained by some incredible stroke of luck, solely for the purpose of playing Fire Emblem Three Houses, and started my first ever playthrough--Blue Lions route, of course--which I affectionately dubbed “Dimitripocalypse.” I chose this name because immediately prior to actually playing the game, I was aware of several facts:

- I was somehow already in love with Dimitri. - The Blue Lions story was both 1) centered on Dimitri, and 2) tragic. - I do not handle tragedies well.

(spoilers following, obviously. And lots of introspection.)

I knew about Three Houses since its release, but waited until many months later to actually play it for a few reasons: we (“we” meaning myself and my twin, Aki) didn’t yet possess a Switch; getting our hands on a system, plus the game, was an investment of several hundred dollars; there were no Switch games other than Three Houses we had significant interest in playing at the time, and besides, we were already plenty occupied with Fire Emblem Fates and the multitude of older games keeping us entertained on our outdated handheld systems. Our original plan was to buy a Switch for our birthday in May of the year following the release of Three Houses. Once the news of an impending lockdown started to spread, though, it became apparent that if we were going to get a Switch any time in the foreseeable future, that time was now. Our in-person shopping was mostly fruitless--no Switch, but we got our copy of the game while we were out (we like our physical copies)--but by some miracle we managed to find a previously used system for sale online: in retrospect, probably one of the last ones to be sold for a very long time after that.

By restraining myself from actively seeking out fanmade content, I managed to avoid significant spoilers for Three Houses. Inevitably, though, as months passed after the game’s release, I absorbed tidbits of knowledge that happened to roll by on my social media feed. I probably learned about the general concept and organization of the game (for example, obviously, the fact that there were three houses; more specifically, that it was a tragic story, and there was a timeskip somewhere in the middle), and the names of a few characters, but my recollections of my initial phases of information osmosis are fuzzy at best by now. My earliest memory of having a cohesive thought about anything in the game was sometime around September of 2019, when I happened upon Dimitri’s post-timeskip portrait. Immediately upon setting eyes on it, my heart went: He’s the one.

I still haven’t figured out what my heart does or how it works in such tight coordination with my eyeballs, but I have this tendency to abruptly fixate on one character in a given series, thereby selecting my single, immutable favorite character for that series. Yet, even as I subconsciously judge these characters based purely on appearance, when you also factor in aspects like personality and backstory, which I inevitably learn later, I somehow manage to also have a very consistent and predictable “type.” This was exactly what happened with Dimitri. Granted, it took me until February 2020 to form a significant emotional attachment to him, to the point where I was thinking about him constantly, but I never doubted from the beginning that it was Dimitri who would be the source of my “brainrot.”

I always wonder how things might have been different if I didn’t know about Dimitri beforehand: would I still have picked the Blue Lions house, solely because blue is my favorite color? Would Dimitri still have drawn me in through his many characteristic charms? Or would I have picked a different route, a different favorite character? How many things would be the same as they are today? But then I remember one of my favorite passages from what has been my favorite manga since my adolescence: [There’s] no point in thinking about the things I could have done, because there’s no guarantee that any choice is the right one. Alas, the timeline that exists right now is the only one that I know for certain, so it’s the only one I can discuss at length.

Sometime in the months that passed between finding that portrait and the beginning of lockdown, my knowledge of Three Houses had grown more cohesive, as vague as it still was. I knew that Dimitri was a tragic character who, due to some sort of traumatic events earlier in the story, became significantly more emotionally troubled after the timeskip. Looking back, I think this ended up being just the right amount of knowledge to have about the game before I started playing, because at any given point I had the faintest idea of where the story might be going, but no clue whatsoever about how it got there, and, perhaps most importantly, I still did not know how it ended. Nevertheless, another notable reason I hesitated for so long to play Three Houses was because I knew I was faint of heart and not adept at coping emotionally with even fictional tragedy; knowing what I did about Dimitri, I assumed playing Three Houses would leave me in a significantly worse emotional state than I had before playing the game. (I already struggled with generalized anxiety, a stressful family life, and recurring nightmares.)

Fortunately, I was very wrong. Even so, with no way of knowing this at the time, I figured that a lockdown would be the perfect time to start my playthrough. I was temporarily furloughed from my day job for the foreseeable future and obviously had no plans to go anywhere or do anything, so if I was going to get emotionally wrecked and needed significant time to recover, I might as well do so while I was stuck at home anyway.

(Side note: we could have gotten a Switch Lite with much less hassle if we wanted to, but we opted against it because we wanted to utilize the large television we had in our living room at the time. This ended up being an excellent decision. Second side note: it took me a few days to figure out there was a button on the system itself for taking screenshots, but I’m too sentimental to delete my lower-quality phone pictures.)

On the first evening after dinner I played for only about 45 minutes, enough to select my house. I ended up restricting myself to playing only in the mornings after that, because I lost practically all of my sleep to speculating. I primarily remember wondering about the deeper aspects of Dimitri’s character--what kind of person was he, really? I wrote an unnecessarily detailed paragraph about all of my guesses, based solely on his dialogue up to that (very early) point in the game, synthesized with things I knew about myself. I supposed, with the reservation that these were just wild guesses, that he might be very much like me. Every last one of my guesses turned out correct.

I experienced the story roughly one chapter at a time in two- to three-hour sittings, to allow myself ample time for emotional processing. I figured I might need it, and again, I was right.

As they say, the rest is history. Writing out all of the impressions I recall from Dimitripocalypse would make this post more needlessly long than it already is, and you can gather most of those from my regular posts, anyway. For the sake of as much brevity as I can muster, I’ll skip to the most important conclusion: I’m so glad I played this game.

Again, things could have easily turned out much differently. I very nearly stopped playing the game entirely after Dimitri’s sudden outburst at Remire Village gave me a panic attack so awful that I struggled to manipulate the controllers because my hands were trembling so badly. (I would have quit then and there, but I didn’t realize what was happening until after the fact.) But, after having Aki look up the ending to the route to confirm that it was indeed happy (for Dimitri, anyway--an important distinction), I persisted, also keeping in mind another favorite quote: something about the importance of continuously making an effort to understanding someone you love, even though not understanding them is “the greatest fear.” In retrospect, with how Dimitri’s character arc continued to develop, putting in the effort to reach that understanding at that specific point in the game saved my butt and made the vast majority of what happened later much, MUCH less of an emotional slap in the face. And with how the story progressed, I needed as much free cognitive space for emotional processing as I could get. The post-timeskip reunion with Dimitri led to my first good, cathartic crying session that I could remember in probably seven years. If I remember correctly, think it lasted a total of an hour and a half.

Even with that in mind, or maybe because of it, Dimitri’s renewal halfway through the second part was the single most cathartic moment I can recall ever experiencing. With how hopelessly attached I already was to Dimitri even before knowing the grisly details of his upbringing, the development of his story felt quite literally like something chipping away at my soul. Dimitri’s second peripeteia, then, wherein he realizes his past mistakes and decides to change for the better, evoked the sensation of my soul gently being reassembled, each broken shard softly being set perfectly back into place. I’m still not entirely why a fictional story felt so much more therapeutic than any therapy I had ever gotten up until that point. Somehow, though, just by experiencing that moment, I no longer carried with me a background-noise level of emotional anguish that had, at some point, become my default state.

With all of that said, I’m not entirely sure how to start wrapping this up.

It’s been a year since I took my first fateful step into the world of Fire Emblem Three Houses. There was no way of knowing where the steps after that would take me, even if I did predict a few aspects of the story. I’m certainly happy I was wrong thinking that I would end the game in a worse place than I started. Now I’m standing here looking back, one year later, amazed at how all of these experiences culminated into the present I know today.

I was always entertained by how, when you select which house to lead at the very beginning of the game, Rhea responds with “Your heart has made its choice.” My reply is always: “Yes... yes, it certainly has.” Maybe in some alternate timeline, it is true that this path was a choice I consciously made for myself. But in my current reality, that is not the case. Somehow, my heart makes its own choices independent of the thoughts in my head, and this particular choice is just one river joining the flow of time that continues to sweep me along.

My recurring nightmares never stopped entirely, but they significantly declined in frequency and severity. Moreover, for once, I even recalled a few good dreams I had: those, for me, are rare. I can count on one hand the number of such dreams in which Dimitri unquestionably appeared. One in particular sticks out in my memory to this day. I think of it whenever I have to negotiate with my estranged mother and I resort to perhaps unnecessarily diplomatic, emotionally distant and yet affable language; when I converse with someone about how it is crucial to discern when to change what is unacceptable and when to simply accept it anyway, even if--especially if--when the thing in question is something about yourself; when I keep in mind that, as much as I’d like to care for others until all of their needs and wants are met, because it brings me joy to see them happy as much as it pains me to see them hurt, there are times when I have to care for myself first, or else I will have none of myself to give.

Oddly, or perhaps, just as it should be, this dream did start out more like a nightmare. I recall feeling very anxious. But the difference this time was that Dimitri was there. Though I seldom experience such vivid sensations in dreams that I still remember them after I wake up, this time, the physical contact our bodies made as we embraced felt real.

“Dimitri,” I murmured, though I didn’t know why, “I’m so scared.”

His response, in perfect tune with the sound of his voice in the game:

“It’s all right. I’m here. Even when I’m not by your side, I’ll always be with you.”

#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fire emblem three houses #dimitri #disclaimer: using the phrase 'in love' loosely because i still identify as aro/ace #but i haven't found a different term that feels like a better fit to describe how something fills your mind #until you can't think about anything else even when you try #i'm told that's also called a hyperfixation but in this case i feel like that takes away from the emotional significance #because oh boy are there emotions involved #just not ones that are necessarily romantic

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terramythos · 4 years ago

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I beat Prey yesterday! here are the general thoughts i scribbled down.

i thought the opening was super strong. When you break the glass on the apartment window? *chef's kiss*

i’ve never played system shock 2 but understand this is heavily influenced by it. I've played Bioshock though so I did pick up on some of the similarities by proxy.

generally I liked combat. In the first half it's pretty tense and survival horror-y and there's certainly a difficulty curve. I liked using limited resources and thinking up creative solutions to problems.

However, most stuff became trivial halfway through. The shotgun is just busted after a couple upgrades. Once you know a surefire way to deal with each enemy type, the game gets pretty easy. from what I understand the difficulty settings do not affect this much (I played on normal). You can make the game more tedious, but not necessarily harder.

i wish there were more horror elements in the mid to late game. There are some genuinely great jump scares early on but they're basically gone past a certain point.

main quest in general was a treadmill of “go to point a, do x thing, oh no something stopped you from doing x thing, you need to go to point y and do b thing so you can go back and do x thing”. kind of disappointing; it mostly served as a way to get around and find more interesting stuff (with a few exceptions). i liked the side quests more.

the voice acting was great. In particular, Benedict Wong's performance as Alex stuck out to me.

the visual and world design was fantastic, too. I think its impressive that Talos I had a unifying design but each area still felt distinct.

visually the Looking Glass stuff was super cool. I think that Arkane developed this with the time travel Dishonored 2 mission and it was cool there too.

there's an impressive amount of extra flavor. All of the art, audio logs, emails, books, and even the ability to explore a bit in space. Just cool details that helped make it all feel real and believable. It adds a lot.

i wanted neuromods to be more like the plasmids in bioshock. While they are the same thing story-wise, in game they function as a talent tree. And some just don’t make sense. Like... how would jamming 4 neuromods in my eye make me physically better at lifting stuff? Why is it an incremental skill I have to invest in 3 times? This makes a little more sense with the Typhon powers since those are basically magic, but not the Human ones.

the ending and some of the mid story is clearly rushed, although I'm glad there's more stuff after the credits.

despite the underwhelming endings (pre credits) I do think the developers put an impressive amount of thought into the circumstances various playthroughs would have surrounding them. I looked it up and there's a boggling number of variations on what's basically two endings.

startlingly few bugs! Just some clipping stuff for me, mostly.

there were some cool small details. I like that if you go someplace before the main story officially tells you to, January will act surprised that you knew ahead of time to go there for the next step. This only happened to me once (on accident), but I imagine it's fun for replays.

SPOILER THOUGHTS BELOW THE CUT

LOVE the meta commentary on identity and autonomy in video games. Morgan is a little different between each reset in the early simulation, even though theoretically that shouldn't be possible. Characters constantly compare you to the Morgan they knew, whatever that means to them. Morgan the player character is a silent protagonist. Morgan the narrative character has several audio and video logs from their past and multiple robots with their voice. More broadly, each player will play a video game differently, even if they make similar choices. So is any playable character the same person between playthroughs? Is the player character narratively that person, or are they simply a vehicle that reflects what the player wants? It's no "would you kindly" but it's still interesting.

in theory i like the Nightmare. kind of a pyramid head type thing but more random. however there’s little incentive to defeat it and it’s easy to avoid, so it turned into a “wait for a 3 min timer to count down” simulator. also, if you accidentally spawn it in certain areas it can WRECK your ending (though it’s easy to reload).

so the Big Twist hints were pretty heavy handed. I figured it out early. It occurred to me after the first level that if the tutorial was a simulation, anything could be, and that was basically the big twisterino. Stuff like January saying "well good thing you're not an alien" in a super ironic tone of voice made me laugh out loud. Also, I did the Obvious Bad Ending for shits and giggles and it spoiled the whole thing. Really wish it had just cut to black since you can access it early. This potentially ruins any shock value for a lot of people.

on some level I like that the ending explains away certain "plot holes". Probably the most obvious is Morgan not remembering any of their past, which is... not how the neuromod memory loss works. But of course they wouldn't remember it, because the player is a Typhon going through a simulation, not the real Morgan.

you can also view the ending from the perspective of humans desperately trying to convince an alien they're worth saving, despite some "bad actors" (read: war crimes in space). Hence the sometimes on-the-nose moral choices and optional side quests. Even the fact that Morgan and Alex are characterized as total assholes in the past-- yet Alex in game and post credits is gentle and compassionate. Perhaps Alex in real life is trying to atone for his mistakes?

i kept expecting mirrors to be relevant? The Phantoms whisper about "what you see in the mirror", promo material shows Morgan looking at themself in the mirror, the Looking Glass tech, and the fact that mirrors are all over the place and DO NOT actually reflect Morgan. Which isn't a technical limitation since the Looking Glass is a whole thing. There's the whole mirror neuron thing but that's such a tiny line of dialogue I'm not sure it matters. Have to wonder if this was a story concept that got cut.

in a similar vein to "crap Phantoms say", there's a minor human character who just... says a bunch of Phantom lines in a row once you complete a quest. He’s seemingly unaware that he's echoing them. What was the purpose of this? Was this an abandoned plot thread?

why wasn't Dahl a bigger part of the story? or Alex and Morgan's parents? I assume it's due to a time crunch, but it just feels like a missed opportunity.

small detail: I love that one of the main story quests has you fake someone's voice using audio logs, and someone MUCH later uses the same trick against you.

another small detail which I missed: flying out to the space billboard to get an early horror twist about the fucking escape pods. there are lots of little things like that all over the place.

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catflowerqueen · 4 years ago

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Okay, I finished Hiveswap 2 in... basically all one go. I will definitely have to do multiple replays to get all the Steam achievements, but that can wait until I do all my actual work and projects. Thoughts and major spoilers below.

Well Hiveswap 2 was certainly interesting! I can see why it took so long to make, and why Friendisms had to come first. That game certainly gives some more background lore to certain situations, though it also kind of… gave me certain character expectations that I feel were left unfulfilled. Like… given it is Alternia, and Doc Scratch admitted to messing around with everyone involved via his whatever-it-was making people more open to befriending the reader, I guess I’m not entirely surprised how certain situations ended up? Just… severely disappointed.

As far as gameplay goes, I think that the item management system was a little better than in part one, and it was cool that you actually got to switch between playing as Joey and playing as Xefros, and that they each had different commentary when you clicked on things. There is also a replayability factor, which is nice. The music was also really cool, especially how you could tell that the same melody was being used in every train car, just changed up a little to better fit the “theme” of the castes present in the cars. And that even held true when it got a lot darker/more depressing during the final quest! I’m also extremely glad that there was a functional hint system, because there were times when I really, really needed it.

But the bee minigame came pretty much out of nowhere, and the formatting for the directions was horrendous because it gave them to you after the game already started. Not in a tutorial fashion, either! Which meant that I couldn’t really read or understand what was actually going on until I’d failed the game two or three times, making the whole thing really tedious. Also… I’m kind of annoyed at how little actually got carried over when you use the “import Act 1 data” function? Like… inventory was the same, and maybe there were some things I missed, but it didn’t keep the name I gave Dammek’s lusus! It didn’t even use the default name for that option, either, or even throw in a line about Xefros telling you what it’s actual name was at some point while you were fleeing, which would at least explain the discrepancy.

Then there was the jade and teal car… and oh boy do I have a lot of complaints against that car. It’s honestly the one I had the most problems with, from both a gameplay and story perspective. For one thing, it dragged on way, way too long—especially for a middle section of the game. It would have worked a lot better as an endgame thing, I think, just in terms of the way games and stories are supposed to ramp up the action as you play, so things get progressively harder as you go. While there was some nice foreshadowing of how depraved the purple caste really is during that section… like the early game foreshadowing for it, it only really works effectively if you know the source material.

I mean. I guess Xefros’ discomfort in general works and gives it more of a wham/gut-punch for those who don’t know the source ahead of time, but… still.

Anyways, the length isn’t my only complaint with that section. The story was very interesting, I’ll admit, but the execution was not very good, especially when it came to the evidence. Now, I know this is apparently a common complaint with Phoenix Wright games, which that section is based on—that there is a specific order and place you need to use specific pieces of evidence, even when logic dictates that there is a far simpler solution to the problem. Like… at one point you need to come up with a motive for Tegiri to be hanging out by the Jade lockers. Considering that the entire trial has to do with the theft of a “forbidden book on rainbow drinkers,” this is something you find out during the evidence collection phase before the trial even begins, and another piece of evidence collected clearly states (or at least implies extremely heavily) that Tegiri is into rainbow drinker stuff, one would think that piece of evidence would be enough for a motive, right? Wrong. Instead, you have to use a broken action figure… and then you STILL use the other piece of evidence to show that he’s into weird romance stuff and would have been interested in reading the book! And that’s not the only time stuff like that happens!

Not to mention the section in the middle where the trial takes recess. The dialogue implies that what’s happening is you’re getting the chance to collect more evidence and statements… but, no, what’s actually happening is that you’re supposed to be taking this time to accuse other people of actually being the culprit by combining two pieces of evidence. The problem is, it doesn’t tell you this is what’s happening, give you any warning that you won’t be able to talk to the people you’re accusing again if you combine the wrong evidence, or let you use any selection screen aside from the evidence ones when it would be extremely helpful to be able to check on the timeline or suspect section again in order to get a refresher on where everyone was. And one of the pieces of evidence is a diary—but once you have it in your possession, you can’t check the relevant entry again! It only says who the diary belongs to and that some of it is censored. And since there is reason to believe that someone else messed with the diary to implicate the owner, it would be very helpful to actually get to explore that further in depth!

I really do hope that this is a case where there are multiple different endings, since the way it left off on my playthrough left an extremely bitter taste in my mouth, especially in regards to Tyzias’s character, who I actually really, really liked in Friendisms! But here… I got the “Scapegoat” achievement (which is why I’m hoping that there are other ways to complete this section), with the end result being that even though we got our client declared innocent, we also got an innocent (or at least, one heavily implied to be innocent afterwards) person declared guilty—in part because our co-counsel did not inform us of the fact that she witnessed evidence being tampered with and, in fact, knew who the true culprit was all along. And while her “Experiment” was deemed a success—and, I suppose, was technically successful within the set rules and did actually follow the whole “innocent until proven guilty” thing—it just highlighted that legislacerators still don’t actually care about justice. She could have, at any point, chimed in about what she saw, but was more interested in “keeping the peace” afterwards than actually getting the true culprit. And, yeah, baby steps and all, but…

I suppose thematically it does work well considering what happens at the end of the game when reaching the purple car, but…

I just thought better of Tyzias, is all. Friendisms implied that she was a real revolutionary for change, and, yes, I know that this wouldn’t be obvious to someone who didn’t play that game and some allowances must be made for that, but… even so, it just seems really out of character, and I don’t think it can all be blamed on forgetting lessons they learned while hanging out with the Reader/those things not actually happening in this continuity, for whatever reason (though, given how Fozzer was acting, and the fact that Chixie brings up the whole “Mask” persona, I’m pretty sure that we can assume they all remember some things that happened… just in a way that’s vague enough that those who played Friendisms can catch the references while those who didn’t won’t be lost on what’s going on)

…And, in hindsight, the whole thing was probably unnecessary to begin with since the book actually got found before the idea off a trial even came up??? I mean, part of that is because Marvus suddenly wandered in and seemed very interesting in holding one, and they didn’t want to upset him, but… yeah, it’s definitely a case of “this all could have been avoided,” especially since the book is apparently only forbidden for the jades to read. But I’m willing to give that one a pass, since trolls are weird and there were various circumstances escalating the situation.

I still think that Tagora had something to do with it, given what we know about his infatuation with Rainbow Drinkers from Friendisms… but that never actually came up in the game? I see where there may have been an opportunity for it, but it wasn’t a very clear-cut one and, at least the direction my playthrough went—would have required the player to actually have done his route in Friendisms.

(EDIT: Apparently there are some different ways to do this trial, according to some things already up on Steam, but they are dependent on some very early choices in the game--which would presumably affect some other choices in later games, and which means that i’m going to have to do many different playthroughs if i want to see everything available--and it still isn’t likely to remove the taint on my feelings towards Tyzias. After all, I’ll know that such capabilities for ruthlessness remain in her character, whether or not they’re actively showing.)

Also, hero-mode Xefros looks a lot older than I thought he was. And apparently joey is old enough to at least be a Freshman in high school??? I thought she was still in middle school!

As for other characters… some I felt were still in-character, some weren’t. Like… for what little we actually saw of Karako’s personality, considering he doesn’t really talk, I thought he was fine… despite being extremely surprised he was actually on the train at all considering his youth and, well, what little personality we saw indicating that he doesn’t really do “civilization” much. But the twins… while they were spot-on amongst themselves (resulting in an extremely chilling and heartbreakingly well-done scene near the ending), they seemed a lot more vicious in regards to their interactions with others. Wanshi apparently developed a real cruel streak in this game, and, ironically, Tirona was actually a whole lot nicer and not actually a suspect of that trial, despite being put on the stand as a witness.

I was also a bit disappointed that there weren’t more of those clever fight scenes we had from Act 1, where there was puzzle solving going on mid-fight—there were only two of them, one being so forgettable that I pretty much only remembered it existed just this second, and only the last one was really clever. There was at least one, maybe two other points where it would have been really cool/creative if Joey could have solved things with dance in a battling format… but her use of her dancing shoes was only plot important at two points in the game—and that first point wasn’t even her doing actual dancing, but, rather, as a buildup for the bee minigame. And then she never even got to use her “bee dance” skills again. At least Xefros finally got to use his bat—but, again, it was only once where it was actually a useful tool. He did get to use psionics more, though.

And there was a plot point with Skylla that was pretty much completely dropped? I mean… they did bring it up as something that was still unsolved right at the end, but… well, hopefully this just means that they’ll actually solve it for real in Act 3, because otherwise there was a perfectly good opportunity for a solution that Joey had in hand, but which didn’t get utilized. The issue is that Skylla’s lusus is apparently sick. One would think that this means that, assuming you carried over from part 1 (and I would assume even if you didn’t because it looks like a lot of the problems would be game-breakingly unsolvable if you didn’t have certain items you would have picked up through a playthrough of part 1. I guess that’s something to test for next time), this would require you to use the bestiary and vet kit, right? Wrong: I tried that and nothing happened. Apparently, the solution is that you promise Skylla you’ll look for medicine further down, and use that as a reason that Marsti should move away from the door so that you can pass by. But there’s never actually an option for you to look for the medication.

…Now that I think about it, though, this would be the prime opportunity for some inadvertent (or intentional, as the case may be) foreshadowing from Act 1. Two opportunities, even, with one being far more obvious than the other. One could be that Joey makes some commentary about knowing exactly what to do, having seen a similar problem in her own “lusus”—her pet dog back home. The other could be that Ladyy isn’t actually sick, but is instead pregnant and having little lusus puppies—which would be a callback to that Puppy Surprise doll from Act 1 where Joey hid her keys.

Still. I don’t like the fact that it never got solved in this part. Also that Vikare didn’t really get to do much (despite how annoying and confusing I myself find him) and that we didn’t get to see Fozzer again on the train even though we got to see several others on the train who we first saw at the station.

I’m also wondering what’s going to happen in part 4? Obviously part 3 is going to be either the party or further attempts to reach the party (and the suddenness of what happened with the ending does lend some more seriousness to the whole “you only have eleven days before everything gets destroyed thing), but… I’d assumed going in that two parts would be dedicated to Joey’s story, and two to Dammek’s, but apparently that’s not the case? If Joey really does get four parts to herself… then what the heck is Dammek’s story going to entail? I mean… those monsters, obviously, and whoever Jude’s “friends” are, but… I don’t know. I feel like it’s going to be hard to top this.

As far as lore goes… apparently the maturation trials are not the same thing as the exile, since Zebruh mentions already having gone through his, yet he is still on Alternia for what is implied to be… at least two sweeps, I think it was? I think he said he went through them at seven, and Chahut is approaching 9 or ten and mentions being only a perigee away from leaving. So that’s interesting. I guess the maturation trials are the equivalent of a career aptitude test or something?

It does make me wonder what happens with the Jades, though. Unless there are more mothergrubs on other planets, what do they even do when they’re off world, since apparently they are specifically tested when they are a lot younger to see who actually is assigned to the caverns vs. just living outside with everyone else. I guess maybe they just get jobs that are slightly more prestigious than olives, but still under teals? That would at least make sense for the ones who weren’t assigned to work in the caverns. Though it does make me wonder about Kanaya a little bit—had there been no game involved, would she still be considered “special” like the jades from Hiveswap given what her lusus was, except that because of said lusus she had to live outside of the caverns? It was, after all, implied that virgin mother grubs and their matriorbs were extremely rare.

Also, considering how full this train was, and the caste segregation going on, I’m wondering why the train from Sollux’s route in Pesterquest was so empty, and how he could apparently just get on any car he wanted. I mean—sure, he ended up in a car that only had an olive on it, but considering they were literally the only other passenger besides reader, that may have just been a coincidence. It can’t have been that there were separate waiting platforms for the different castes, either, since everyone was mingling together in Hiveswap before separating by car. Is it just that everyone was going to the party, but the train otherwise doesn’t get much use, or something like that? Or did it have more to do with whatever the ramifications were for Trizza’s defeat? …Or possibly the fact that the attack on the train at the end just made people still extremely wary about travelling by rail even sweeps after the fact?

There’s probably some more lore I can touch on, but… honestly, the trial section left me so upset that I can’t really put much of that together right now. I think I was going to say something about how the Jades would also be a good source of keeping culture alive between heiresses, since apparently they’re actually charged with doing so… but it’s hard to tell how much of that culture is just jade culture specifically vs. the rest of Alternia. Or even how much of it was actually serious, rather than a thinly veiled reason to let everyone indulge in things like tabloids, celebrity magazines, and rainbow drinker books.

Oh, yeah, and I’m pretty sure that Diemen at one point implied that his hot dog was actually made out of someone specific, though I’m not sure at this point whether that someone was his lusus, or if it was a troll. Either way, if that’s true, then it definitely explains why he is so protective of that specific hot dog.

EDIT: I remembered what the other bit of lore I wanted to discuss was. Well. I mean, it might not be considered “lore” as such, but... it’s interesting that of the two major rebellions we know of, both were headed by bronzebloods--that being the Summoner and Dammek. At least, I assume Dammek is the one heading the current rebellion. I wonder it it’s just a coincidence, or if there is something in bronzeblood nature that makes them more likely to lean towards these sorts of reactions? We know Dammek’s breed of lusus apparently favors strong leaders, and given the blood color would only be seeking out other bronzes (except perhaps when they hit the “my charge just died/got culled” stage and go looking for someone else to adopt, given what is happening with Joey), but presumably the Summoner had the same lusus type as Tavros. I dunno, it’s just interesting to think about.

Anyways... Overall I did really like the game! I loved the tone, despite how depressing it got at times, and Xefros’ and Joey’s developing relationship is amazing. I look forward to part 3. Hopefully it won’t take as long to come out.

#homestuck #hiveswap #spoilers #massive spoilers

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rayadraws · 5 years ago

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end of an era

Oh my gosh anon, our waiting is OVER. Patiently, not so patiently yearning… wishing… hoping… dreaming… we have IT.

I gotta talk about it, because of course I do, ahhh! This will be long, sorry…

I got my hands on the OVA this morning, about half an hour before work. I watched it, yelled on Discord and then went to work, practically vibrating the whole day until I could go home and watch it again and write down my thoughts!

Before release I had seen what available video clips and screenshots we had, plus a summary given to me by a Japanese mutual, in somewhat limited English. I was unsure what to expect but I ended up enjoying it a lot more than I thought I might! I understand that there’s a lot one can be confused or perhaps even put off by in the OVA but. Well. I enjoy seeing a vulnerable Genos (if like 90 % of the fanfic I’ve written wasn’t an indication lol) so I just ate it all UP. And since I’ve written a fic about him getting amnesia specifically, I was very curious to see how off the mark I was.

I won’t give a proper summary, there’s a good one by Nysh for that. Nor the animation. JC Staff is what JC Staff is. I’m instead going to just… muse and compare and go wild with my own personal headcanons - in that regard, this OVA was excellent, because it does give some hints about what makes Genos tick. Hold on to your butts…

Oh, and need I say that there will be SPOILERS? XD

—

Before I wrote my own amnesia fic, I did some research. So, what is amnesia? Well, the popular TV show version is one thing, of course RL is another. There are several kinds of amnesia, with different causes and different treatments. But the two main categories are longterm memory loss, where you can’t recall past memories (often up to what caused the amnesia) and short term memory loss, where you have difficulty forming new memories. You can get one or both. In my fic, Genos deals with both. In the OVA, he appears to have longterm memory loss only, as he tries to find Fubuki again to help him defeat the monster (if only he knew Saitama would by far have been a better choice!), so he remembers her. Not to mention at the end, when he’s trying desperately to apologize…

There is no instant cure for amnesia. Emotional support is important, medication (if it’s caused by underlying disease, which it can be) and psychological therapy can also be useful. Saitama is doing the right thing in the OVA by remaining calm and trying to avoid agitating Genos or pushing him to remember.

After he first wakes up, Genos is very lost, he only remembers his name and that he’s a cyborg - but not why! It’s really heartbreaking when you think a little more about it - imagine waking up in a cyborg body and not remembering why/how that happened… We actually discussed that on Discord before we had the OVA, what if he wakes up and doesn’t remember… but nahh, that’d be too dark, right? APPARENTLY NOT.

I can’t explain why Genos would be so heavily influenced by media around him as he is. That’s just made up for the humour… but if I were to try to find an actual in-world explanation, hm… Well, we do know he can be a Drama Boy. We also know he tends to be very standoffish and reserved towards most people, which I think is related to his trauma, in a few ways (he doesn’t want to get close to people due to the risk of once again experiencing the pain of losing them - and spending four years more or less on your own during your late teenage years is not an ideal environment for learning how to socialize…). We also know that when Genos finds something or someone he considers important, he latches on. So you could see it as being part of that, perhaps. Lost and confused he looks for anything that would make some kind of sense, trying to find a sense of direction or idea on whom he might be.

What exactly did you forget? Your quest for revenge or the sale you briefly remember later? Knowing Genos, it could be either…

He reacts in confusion to his body telling him that there’s an elevated energy signature nearby - I LOVED this. I wonder if he saw it as a note on his HUD, or if it’s more ingrained, more subtle. The way he got antsy and couldn’t sit still… it’s like his proximity sensors act as an extra sense, like Spiderman’s spider sense…. An extra sense that’s probably saved his life on more than one occasion.

He takes off, feeling like it’s his body moving, not him. I don’t think his body has an separate will of its own, but I have always hc:ed that he probably has systems that can calculate stuff for him mid-fight - how to move, where to release his weapons and at what strength etc. A little helpful internal computer. It’s a LOT for one little monkey brain to keep track of, so it wouldn’t be crazy to think he has some help with that, I think. And here, I don’t think his body is truly moving on his own without him having any control of it… more like muscle memory? Like there are times where I think I’ve forgotten a password to my work computer if I’ve been away for a week but then I sit down and my fingers remember the typing motions on their own. I imagine it’s something like that. He doesn’t know what to do, so he’s going where his instincts tell him.

Fubuki, ah, ever the scheming one. I enjoyed her showing up and being casual at Sai’s place because that’s how I like to write her in my fics. You can see the exact second when she goes into Business Mode, playing hard to get to lure Genos closer. Too bad she didn’t consider just how much his personality changed too, came on way too strong in the end…

And!!! A couple of times Genos puts his hand in defense, without seeminly knowing why, or doing it intentionally really. Hmmmm where…. have I seen this before…

He jumped when a warning flashed at the corner of his vision. It was his proximity sensors going off, his HUD informed him. On instinct, he ducked down behind the nearest tree. He should go back. Kuseno would keep him safe. But if he moved, the stranger might see him too. Don’t turn your back on an enemy.

His sensors told him the direction and the general size of the approaching being, but he couldn’t actually see it between the tall trees. It was moving very fast. He ducked lower, ferns brushing softly against his cheek. On instinct, he held his palm out in front of him, open and pointed at whatever was approaching him.

I am SO glad that I called this in my fic, it’s a small detail but it adds a lot I think! Raising his palm as a threat is second nature to Genos, even when he doesn’t consciously know why he’s doing it…

It’s interesting that throughout, Genos keeps referring to himself as “boku”, which is usually reserved for a male who is younger than 16 (though there are exceptions - Amai Mask also uses it, probably as part of his charming idol persona). Usually Genos refers to himself as “ore”, which is mostly used by adult men, more informal and can be viewed as disrespectful, depending on circumstance (Genos is not typically respectful towards people, if they are not Kuseno or Saitama). Combined with how meek he is, man… Okay, ONE said that before the mad cyborg attack, Genos’ personality was about the same as it is now. So why is he so different? Well… I don’t think that’s too shocking, really. I mean, if you lost all your memories and sense of self, realized you were a cyborg for some reason???, ended up alone in a weird city, not knowing where you were or what to do, and suddenly people pointed at you asking you to fight a terrifying monster even though you have no idea how to fight… you’d probably be terrified too! I think we can assume his personality change is caused by his amnesia. But we can probably also assume that a Genos who never had his village attacked and never got involved with fighting/being a hero would not grow to be exactly the same as canon, anyway. He’d probably be a rude brat… but yeah. At least a few degrees less aggressive/ready to throw down!

Again with the hand!

A thought I had reading the exchange between the monster and Genos… it reads almost like how you might expect Genos’ meeting with the mad cyborg might have looked like, only in a sad, reverse kind of way. These lines - “I’m not ready yet… I’m not ready to die here… not yet!” - like, dude… that sounds exactly what might have gone through his head back then. Maybe the first inkling of his past returning to him at that second…

He feels something, remembers something, is shocked.. and it comes back… “I cannot win like this!”. And then he remembers Kuseno, and Saitama…

Once more, those lines together: “I’m not ready yet… I’m not ready to die here… not yet! I cannot win like this!”

We’ll probably never get it verified, but I find it very, very likely he used more or less these exact words, or something very similar, after meeting the mad cyborg.

Also, as much as I appreciate the closeness between Genos and Saitama, I AM glad that he remembered Kuseno first - he’s known Kuseno for four years, Saitama for less than 2 months, when this takes place. It’s only right and it fits very well with his character introduction too, where he thought he was dying and his last thought was an apology to Kuseno. A nice nod. I enjoyed that animation sequence a lot too!

When he remembers who he is, Genos feels so bad about his actions but he still can’t deny what he said before… Saitama’s face… omg… Bless them both.He brings Saitama wild/game meat - d'ya figure he bought it or, um… got it for free? I mean, that’s… exactly the kind of creature he fought… maybe he’s learnt Sensei’s ways…

And Saitama is happy he’s back. He cares about Genos! He likes him like he is, as intense and blunt and socially awkward as he is! What a sweet note to end the OVA on!

#opm s2 #ova 3 #anime spoilers #ova spoilers #amnesia #ahhhhAAAAAHHH

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dreadnought-dear-captain · 5 years ago

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You Asked, I Told

(Note, if this post shows up twice or massively delayed or just looks weird, it’s because it was flagged for adult content [??!] because I had a picture of Willem Dafoe’s face in a gif. I am not even kidding. Do with that information what you will. I’ve removed it and I still don’t know if/when this can be publicly viewed, I’m kind of lolling. So if you see a blocked out photo that looks like porn in your post, I swear it’s just a gif from The Lighthouse!)

Hello, amazing people. This weekend, I’m putting the final touches on my last draft of Baghdad Waltz Chapter 39, which will then go to the beta for one more round of edits. I imagine I will have the chapter posted in 1-3 weeks, which is close to record speed for me, especially since it’s around 30k words. I’m going to be talking about my writing process (at unfortunate length) for one of the asks, for those who are interested.

Please forgive me. I’m feeling quite verbose and a little squirrely. I blame living alone during lockdown.

It’s also Memorial Day weekend in the States, which is when we are meant to honor those who gave their lives in military service to this country. This is often confused with Veterans Day (November 11), which is honoring anyone who has served in the military and is no longer serving. This gets further confused with Armed Forces Day (rotating date, May) which is to honor those currently serving in the military. I know, super confusing.

There’s a wide range of opinions on how Memorial Day should be commemorated, which often involves gathering with friends and family for a barbecue or some other social activity. It’s the first major holiday after a huge holiday drought throughout the late winter and spring, which often makes people look forward to it immensely. Some people feel it’s inappropriate to celebrate Memorial Day with barbecues and fond social gatherings because it’s dishonoring the memories of those who can’t be here, people don’t take time to remember those who have died, people have no idea what the day is actually for, etc. Others, even some very vocal veterans, maintain that people died so that we could be here to celebrate in freedom, so why not relish this life we have? Many offer the caveat that it’s appropriate to at least acknowledge the purpose of the day, even if it’s just in a few minutes of quiet reflection.

Anyway, I offer this as a little food for thought for this upcoming long weekend.

(And in case you missed it, I posted a BW Timeline for your reference.)

Contains spoilers through Chapter 38.

[Takes deep breath]

I’m so glad that you are enjoying the read and that you’re finding it inspiring for your own work. I think my dedication to research for BW is threefold. 1) As this story evolved, I decided that I wanted to create the most realistic depictions of military, civilian, emotional, and physical life that I reasonably could. I will fully admit to lapses in this, deliberate and unintentional, because sometimes the plot just needs to go and I can’t wait around for a year-long medical discharge process for my character. 2) I’m in an academically stringent occupation, and because research is such a prominent part of my work life, it’s bled to my hobby. (IS THIS EVEN A HOBBY ANYMORE?) And 3) I get very easily and passionately obsessed with things and delight in getting “into the weeds” with a subject. Almost every research divergence usually takes me off track for at least an hour. And you will never catch me without an MTA subway map open in at least one tab.

But that wasn’t even your question! Sorry. Are you beginning to get a sense of why BW takes me so long to write?? I cannot keep my shit on track. As for the bibliography, YES! I plan to include that in my author’s note at the end. I wish I had kept better track of all of my works consulted over the past three years, but I will definitely discuss the importance of some of the main ones. I’m so thrilled that you are interested, and I’m excited to share them!

Thank you. This is such a kind thing to say, and I’m humbled and delighted to hear it, especially because our fandom is so blessed with some AMAZING fics. And asks certainly don’t have to be questions! I appreciate them all (except the flaming bag of dog shit ones, which I haven’t had in a while, hooray).

(Re: Chapter 37) Good question! I imagine Claire would want to keep the 1:1 conversation somewhat limited, as she is treating the couple as a patient rather than them as individuals. If anything, she might have somewhat superficially checked in to see if he was okay rather than dive into anything regarding the relationship with Bucky not around. That could be seen as a betrayal of trust to Bucky and could be interpreted as favoritism, which Steve craves and which Bucky is probably terrified about.

I am always pleased when people re-read and enjoy it or get new things out of it, even if it’s sometimes a re-read is a function of my slow-ass writing. I really want a story with good re-read value.

You make an excellent point about Bucky’s relationships. His friendship with Jack also had no real closure. Sometimes this is a factor of circumstance and sometimes it’s because of his avoidance, like a self-fulfilling prophesy almost. He’s learned that people betray you, either by hurting you or dying, so he creates conditions sometimes (often unwittingly) for things to go sour and end poorly, or he will simply make himself disappear so that he’s not hurt and doesn’t have to wait to see if he will be abandoned or betrayed. He’s not a guy who is good with goodbyes.

As for Thor, I totally see how it would read that way. I think Thor started out fishing for longer-term possibilities in a romantic relationship but then realized Bucky is really not a guy who is comfortable settling (which, as we can see, is true). As for why it seems more serious, one thing is that Thor still wanted Bucky in his life as a friend, possibly one with benefits. They have a lot in common, and it’s hard for veterans - and, more specifically, special operators - to find people in their lives they can relate to with these very intense life experiences. I wanted this to be a real relationship, but maybe not necessarily one that was bound to become a RELATIONSHIP. I think Bucky was very intriguing and attractive to him, and he very well may have struggled with his own vacillation between whether to take it seriously or whether to remain friends+. This can lead to mixed messages.

And we also have to remember Bucky’s notoriously unreliable narration, where he will see what he wants to see. Our perspective comes from him. We see the details he zooms in on, miss the one he ignores, view the relationship through the lens of his own contentious desire for a real relationship, even as he consistently demonstrates the lack of capacity and his fear about getting serious. I imagine Bucky has having an extremely poor ability to distinguish friendship from romance, and why wouldn’t he, given the most recent bit of history we have learned about him with Jack? He’s had a series of friendships become sexualized, and I think this affects his capacity to be discerning. Bucky’s radar for relating, whether friendships, romance, or potentially dangerous sexual situations, is terribly mis-calibrated. How confusing for him and for the people in his life. Of course, everyone is free to interpret the dynamics of any relationship however they choose. These are just some of my thoughts.

I really appreciate observations from the re-read! Thank you!

I watched the video and you are right! This is definitely a Bucky song. Bucky’s sense of self is by turns profoundly distorted and lacking in grounding, especially now that he’s not in the military. He’s been in a low key existential crisis since he was a kid and has turned to drinking and sex and war to fill this horrible void, and although I can’t speak for what the artists here intended, I certainly sensed those elements here for sure. (Also, what an interesting choice for a music video…)

Thank you for sharing! I’ll add it to the unofficial BW playlist in the author’s note, which consists of various songs people have associated with BW and shared with me.

Good question! I started off this story picturing the actors who represent the characters in the MCU, because I figured we’d be picturing that when we read the fic anyway (though my beta told me she doesn’t see them as the actors, more like artists’ renderings of the characters, which I find interesting). So when describing their physicality, I tend to refer back to the MCU, since this is technically an MCU AU. But the longer I go with the story, the murkier the resemblance feels to me, especially when I think about Bucky, IDK why. I have also been considering doing something more with BW after I finish it (i.e., converting it into a proper not-bajillion-word novel, sunk cost and whatnot), in which case I would definitely change the characters’ appearance, names, cut MCU Easter eggs, etc. So when I try to think of who these people might be in future iterations of the story, things get even more blurred in my mind when I imagine them.

I wonder how other people see them??

So, with regards to PTSD clinical teams, there is some variation across VAs in the system. Some focus more on military-related trauma, whether it’s war, military sexual trauma, accidents, etc. as a way of concentrating their services and managing supply and demand. From talking with providers in these kinds of systems, sometimes you just NEED a military-related trauma, but you can be treated for, say, a childhood trauma if it’s more pressing. Other VAs are very open in their criteria, and you can see them for pretty much any kind of trauma that qualifies diagnostically for PTSD (or sub-threshold PTSD) without question. That’s why I love the expression “If you’ve been to one VA, you’ve been to one VA.” That said, it kind of doesn’t matter what kind of PTSD clinical team is at the VA in Manhattan, because Bucky has so much military trauma that he would very likely qualify to receive services in any PTSD clinical team. They just might focus on childhood stuff (if Bucky actually let them, which is another matter entirely).

This is a great question! Thanks for asking.

I love a snarky asshole Bucky so much, and I’ve tried to temper this version of him with enough hard-earned genuineness to offset it a little bit. It’s such a tender balance with him, because if you back him too far into a corner, he’s going to let you have it. But if you give him too much space, it’s hard to pin him down and wring something honest from him. He’s definitely learned to use humor and sarcasm to deflect from painful or uncomfortable situations, and it’s a very adaptive short-term strategy that makes him both endearing and infuriating to others.

But ugh, yeah, shit gets so rough around Chapter 28/29. I don’t know how to feel when people have really strong emotional reactions to this story, because one part of me doesn’t want to contribute to the crappy feelings people may already be struggling with — especially in the times of COVID — but I don’t want to be afraid to dive into the hurt these characters are experiencing. That’s why I recommend checking in with oneself before reading to get a sense of how much emotional bandwidth is available to manage the immense problems of two people struggling so much. I also think that for some people it can be cathartic or otherwise not-bad maybe (?), based on the feedback I’ve received. I also really try hard to balance out the painful stuff with growth, even though it can be terribly difficult to locate sometimes.

In comments to folks, and here, I often talk about adjusting the ticks on your measuring stick for progress, where instead of leaps of progress over feet/meters, we may be observing things on an inch/mm scale. This story is my most sincere effort at a “recovery is not linear” narrative, which I think is so much more reflective of real life for a lot of folks than a straight upward trajectory. Humans are such creatures of habit, and the lessons these characters have learned through their lives about themselves, trust, relationships, and how to manage emotions are very deeply ingrained — often through traumatic means. These are the lessons learned the hardest, with the greatest perceived consequences for change, and it takes real courage for us to be able to try new things even once, let alone to establish a reliable pattern of behavior. This can lead to a lot of frustration for us as readers/writer, and I come from a place of this being okay, because we are encountering a parallel process with the characters, who are frustrated with each other and themselves about the same things. I do hope the pain/progress/joy ratios are not horribly out of whack most of the time. That’s another reason I like long chapters, because if this was just blips of sometimes terrible episodes in shorter form, I think it would be very challenging to not lose hope entirely.

But I’m so glad you’re finding the read meaningful, even if it’s sometimes painful and difficult.

(YES.)

And FINALLY -- (this is all soooo long, I’m so sorry.)

Oh, thank you for this question! My spreadsheet ended up getting too difficult to manage, and I actually had a small crisis six months ago about how the fic was going to end, because it just didn’t feel right. I had to scrap it and go back to the drawing board and really ask myself - what would these characters really do? Naturally, as a factor of their psychologies and circumstances, how will they bring this story to an end? Some advice I once heard about a “satisfying” ending is that it’s the place where there’s simply nothing more to say about the characters. There’s no more story to tell. I had to abandon all of my desires and ideas for a particular ending or concerns about making people sad or happy or excited or disappointed. I know that the only ending that will be satisfying is one that makes sense for these people. Anything contrived or backward-engineer-y wouldn’t feel right to anyone. I do have a couple of specific character arc things I want to happen, so I set those down as touchstones and said, okay, what would happen next? What would Steve do with this? And what would Bucky do with this? And what would they do with the thing the other person did? I take a very psychology and prior-behavior-based approach to plotting, almost all character driven. The rest is just figuring out what is supposed to go where and how to organize it.

I’ve converted everything to a Google Doc and have a very basic outline where I write plotty-plot stuff. I also have a “garbage dump” doc where I write certain lines I want to use or certain details I want to include somewhere. When I get into a new chapter, I’ll check the dump doc as I outline and write to see if I want to pluck anything from there. I have my outline open regularly to add to it. Sometimes I write scenes out of order, dialogue first, but that’s only if I really am excited about a particular scene and cannot contain myself. Otherwise, I write completely chronologically and have no buffer. I post things as soon as I write them.

As for your specific questions, I do have a “process” for getting into my characters’ heads. It helps to know them so very well and to have a firm sense of their idiosyncrasies and patterns of behavior. As you may have noticed, they repeat their patterns all. the. time, as humans do, but I also want to have them change their behaviors a little as things go and they progress. So I may wonder what they could do a little differently, why they would WANT to behave differently, and imagine what they would need to do to change their behavior. Do they need to take breaths? Do they remember the last time some shit went down? I really try to think of the “how” and “why” of every single action - from big blowouts to eye rolls.

So once I’ve figured out what they are going to do, I try to pinpoint the associated emotions I want to highlight. This is a whole separate process, because I have to think also about their internal versus their external emotional states. Steve, for example, will often have a discrepant inside and outside, because one of the truths about his character is that he is a chronic suppressor. There is also the issue of unreliable narration and interpretation of behavior. Steve might do something in a scene, but that doesn’t mean Bucky is going to interpret it the way it was intended. I have to think about their individual filters, which often reflect their internal beliefs about themselves. Bucky is more likely to read Steve’s actions as reflections of how BUCKY feels about HIMSELF (e.g., he’s disgusted by me because I’m disgusting) rather than imagine what Steve is really thinking based on his own experiences and beliefs about Bucky. I also attempt to convey some of the more second and third layer emotions that people have in situations, rather than only highlighting the primary emotion. Sad things don’t always just make people sad. Powerful emotions, for example, might make Steve feel out of control of himself, which could generate secondary emotions for him like frustration because he’s losing control. Part of the process in the construction of the narrative is also scrubbing what I’ve written for POV, because Bucky’s word choices aren’t the same as Steve’s, and in order to try to preserve the “voice” of each character, I often have to change the words I’ve opted to use, as well as the syntax.

So, as you can see, there’s a lot of layering that is happening all the time. As for the dialogue, I have no compunction about saying the lines aloud, “acting” them to see how they sound, to get a sense of what tone I want them to say things in. Now that I think of it, I do a bit of movement-based stuff, thinking about how people sit and stand, figuring how many steps it takes to get from A-Z, what it would look like to lean against something, how it would feel on the body, etc. I try to get the most felt sense of things as I can. If I’m imagining a scene, I try to put myself in the shoes of the characters to the point where I feel the emotions, just so I can know how it reflects in my body and my mind and behavior. I have more than once gotten drunk and drunk-written drunk Bucky then gone to clean it up later, as drunk writing can generate some great content I never would have been able to come up with sober, but the form, grammar, spelling, etc. is often rubbish. I also talk a LOT to my beta about all of this stuff, and I have certain friends and acquaintances in the fandom who are my consultants for various things.

So, I’m somewhat method I guess?? Is that a thing?? I dunno. It’s not hard to do when you live and breathe a story. It’s required a deep level of interest in - quite possibly an obsession with - the characters and their lives. I adore my characters, not in a self-congratulatory way, but because they feel so real to me. So it’s a joy to plan and write -- though I do hate first drafts with a passion.

OH - I also sometimes fast-draft chapters, which I did for 39. That is, write as FAST AS YOU CAN with no regard for how shitty the writing is. I wrote 10k words in a week, which was a finished fast-draft for me, and thus I had a very good felt sense of what was going to happen in the chapter, which felt amazing. It requires intensive outlining before, and nearly every word had to be rewritten, but one of the greatest frustrations of a story for me is having blank space ahead. Re-writing is way more fun than first draft writing. I have fluffed it up twofold with higher quality content, which I did all in less than two months…!!

-------------------------

Well, this is surely my most unnecessarily yammering YAIT in history. But I hope it at least conveys my enthusiasm for these wonderful asks! It’s so lovely to hear from all of you, even if I take an eon to get back to you. Hang in there, everyone!

@grimshady @hutchhitched @b0n3l3ssm1lk

(And thank you to @bae-buckyaboveeverything for the shout out. You made my day<3)

#you asked #baghdad waltz #asks

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vydante · 6 years ago

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Trust Me | Natasha Romanoff x Stark! GN! Reader

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: GN! Reader x Natasha Romanoff - Platonic/ Romantic, up for interpretation...

Plot: There was no way around it. It was either you or Natasha. She didn’t want you to go, and obviously, you didn’t want her to go either. You knew she was as hard-headed as you, so you came up with a plan to get the soul stone, even if you had to lie to Natasha about it.

A/N: (shitty) Angst. Endgame spoilers, but if you haven’t seen it yet by now... Then don’t... Don’t read this... I Guess lmfaoo... Inspired by this post on Instagram. I wanted to show Natasha some love, and since she Did Not Deserve To Die (not to say that Clint does), might as well Kill Someone Else ;) And this was originally a male reader fic, but it was vague enough so that it can be gender neutral.

“... It’s going to have to be one of us.”

Your jaw clenched as you were sat on the ground next to Natasha, who held her head in her palms.

You were silent as you peeked through your lashes to look at the bastard who was already up here. He’s also silent as he looks at you, almost through your soul as your guts clench with anxiety.

“... What if he’s bullshitting us?”

Your voice was quiet.

She didn’t answer you, though you didn’t really need an answer to that question. It was inevitable. Neither of you could ever go back from this- you had only one chance to get the soul stone, no matter what it took.

Your lips were pressed in a fine line.

You thought about it logistically, trying to find some way to justify you being the one to jump.

Family?

You winced.

No, that wasn’t really a great one to start off with. Biologically speaking, you had your father, Tony. You’d know he’d miss you beyond words, after all you saw him grieving for Peter first hand. And Pepper would be devastated from losing you, her first- if not technical- child...

As for Natasha...

As far as you and the team knew, she doesn’t even know her own family members or if they were even alive. Hell, she didn’t even know her own father’s name when the red skull guy said his name.

But, either way, the team would miss her... And besides, Tony would still have 2 kids left- Morgan and Harley-, and if this whole thing works, 3 since Peter would come back.

And chances are if it does work, then they could just... Use the Infinity Stones to resurrect you, right?

It was a gamble to take, but if it meant that you were to be the one who jumped, then so be it.

But... How were you going to convince her to let you be the one to jump? There was no real guarantee that you could be resurrected, and even then, she’d argue that she should be the one to jump since she’s older than you.

She always used that to her advantage, saying that her age came with more wisdom than you’d ever have. Even if the age gap wasn’t all that big, she’d still say that.

You sighed quietly.

Either way, there was no real way of going around the argument that she should be the one to jump. All of the logistics point to her being the one to do it, even if you didn’t want to admit the facts.

Your head buzzed with ideas until one hit you.

“(Name)?”

You stood up abruptly.

Was this going to work? What if she doesn’t agree with your plan? How are you going to convince her to go through with it with you?

You held your hands out to her and she took it with a curious but grim expression. Chances are, she’s probably thought of a million ways to get you to stay behind.

“Follow me...”

You held her hands with a tight grip as you walked towards the edge of the cliff. You were a few feet away from it as you stopped and turned around to look at her in her eyes.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you spoke in a low, quiet voice, trying to make it seem like you didn’t want the red skull guy to hear. Either way, it didn’t matter if he heard you or not, but it would at least give some sense of slyness that should spark some hope in her.

“I have a plan, Nat.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Care to tell?”

She kept her voice at a soothing calm tone, but you knew better than that. Her palms were getting a tad bit sweaty. You really didn’t know who she was trying to calm down- you, or her.

“I know this might sound really stupid, but most of my plans are stupid but they work. You just... Please, just trust me, okay?”

You weren’t lying. Whenever you used to suggest plans to the team when you were all in your prime time, it sounded absolutely bonkers. But never had they failed you, so no matter how ridiculous it was, the team always trusted you and your plans.

“Okay. I trust you.”

She nearly whispered that her warm breath momentarily heating you up as you both stood on the cold clifftop. You searched in her eyes for any hesitation. Any reluctance, any doubt.

There wasn’t any of them in her eyes. Just trust and mutual understanding.

Your heart ached.

She trusted you.

You were thankful that you kept up that little tidbit of yours up until the bitter end. You were thankful that she trusted you. Just so you could use it to your advantage.

“To keep it all short... We jump off together.”

Her eyes widened and her mouth opened. She tried forming words, looking into the windows of your eyes, searching for humor in them. Only seriousness.

“... What...?”

You squeezed her hand and felt your heart swell when she squeezed right back.

“Look, Nat, both of us are stubborn as a mule. You won’t let me jump, I won’t let you jump.”

You shook your head as you pulled her in for a hug. She didn’t hesitate to wrap her hands around you as you murmured quietly.

“But... I have a plan, and that plan needs us both to jump.”

She leaned back, but not enough to separate herself from your embrace. Her lips quivered as she tried to smile at you.

“(Name)... I don’t...” She shook her head as she cast her eyes down. She rested her forehead against yours.

“... I don’t know, (Name)...”

You strained a smile as you closed your eyes.

“Natasha, do you trust me? Yes or no?”

You prayed that she said yes. There was a lingering doubt in the back of your head. What if she said no? What would happen then?

Knowing Natasha, she... Oh God, she wouldn’t hesitate to try and beat you into the ground, just to prevent you from jumping off.

You both knew in your heart, even if she was more skilled than you, you had an iron suit for god’s sake. You could easily overpower her into the ground, even if that meant having to do the worst just so she could stay down.

You opened your eyes and stared right into hers. Emotions were swimming through her eyes as they were illuminated by the dim sky.

“... Yeah... I trust you...”

Relief flooded your system. You were glad. If she had said no, you two would eventually have to brawl for the cliff.

But as quick as the relief came, it left and was replaced with anxiety.

If your plan worked, then...

You stepped back and faced the cliff. You held her hands with a vice grip as you both approached the edge. You swallowed the lump lodged in your throat as you teetered over the edge. You take a quick glance down as your stomach dropped to the floor.

It... You were so high...

You snapped out of it when you felt Natasha squeeze your hand. She’s smiling at you, which makes your throat clench up. She thinks it’s a good plan.

She thinks it’s a good plan.

You clenched your other fist behind your back, trying to get rid of tears threatening to come out. You looked away and down at the bottom of the cliff before glancing back at her with half-lidded eyes. You chewed on the inside of your mouth as you sent her a smile.

“Trust me, Nat. I have a plan.”

You prayed that she didn’t hear the uncertainty in your voice.

You two stood there for what seems to be an eternity before you nodded at her, and leaned forwards together and off the cliff.

The cold wind hit you with more force than you were expecting.

You felt like you were flying in your suit, freefalling as you always did in your free time.

Only this time, your suit wasn’t going to save you.

You still held hands with Natasha as you were both falling. Blood rushed to your ears as you pulled Natasha close for a hug. She returned it back and you saw her lips moving, but you couldn’t really tell what she was trying to say.

You glanced up- or down, since you both went head first, and saw the ground near. You couldn’t see the ground from the cliff, but now, you saw it clearly.

Strangely, it was rather clean. Just rubble.

You swallowed as you heard F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice in your earpiece.

“7 seconds until impact.”

Shit, you had to act quick.

You glanced back at Natasha, and you could tell she was getting extremely nervous as the ground got closer and closer as each millisecond passes.

“5 seconds until impact.”

You snaked your hands over to your nano-tech storage center- it was conveniently on your chest, just like your fathers. You tapped it and felt the nano-tech forming rapidly. Only this time, it wasn’t wrapping around you.

It was latching itself onto Natasha.

‘Take her to the top.’

The suit commanded your last order. You pressed your lips firm on her forehead and pulled back, mouthing her your last words.

‘Trust me.’

Her eyes widened as you pushed away from you and watch as the suit form at light speed over her body. She’s trying to struggle out of it, but the suit simply holds her in one place as she screams at you.

“(Name)!”

You sighed quietly and watched with a smile as the suit completely forms over her. The suit immediately flings itself upright and uses the leg thrusters to stop her from descending with you.

Quickly, her figure fades away from your view until the fog takes over. You couldn’t really see the cliff top from here, but you closed your eyes.

It wouldn’t really matter now.

All that you could do was pray that the next time you saw her, she’d forgive you for using her trust in you to your advantage.

“... Where’s (Name)?”

Tony asked Natasha. She avoided his gaze and stood there silently.

Steve frowned and put his hand on her shoulder.

“Romanoff...?”

His voice was gentle but firm. Natasha’s lips quivered as she lifted her head up to reveal her glassy eyes. Tears gently slid down her face as she locked eyes with Tony.

Realization passed Tony’s eyes as his hands trembled. Fear rushed through his palms as he furrowed his eyebrows. He clenched his hands as the shook.

“No...”

“Tony...”

Thor approached him from behind and placed his hand on Tony’s back. He turned around to look Thor in his eyes, and all Thor saw was immediate grief.

“My baby...”

Tony’s voice trembled as he gripped Thor’s bicep. Clint and Scott hung their heads as they didn’t know what to say. Bruce shook his head as he clenched his jaw, tears already slipping down his face.

Natasha’s voice was caught in her throat. She wanted to say so many things to Tony right now. She wanted to fall to her knees and beg for his forgiveness. She wanted to cry and yell and scream and punch the ground for letting you- letting you trick her into jumping with you.

She wanted to do a lot of things, but she could only say one last thing before she tasted her tears streaming down her face.

“... It should’ve been me...”

#gender neutral reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x male! reader #natasha romanoff x male reader #male! reader #natasha romanoff #male reader #x male reader #avengers #avengers x male reader #avengers x male! reader #avengers: endgame #avengers x reader #angst #reader insert #gn reader

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ezimin · 5 years ago

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This Anime is like Marmite

A few weeks ago I dyed my hair, which I thought made me look a bit like an Anime character that was in an Anime I actually quite enjoyed the first time I saw it all the way through. However, this Anime is honestly not amazing and it took me two attempts to watch it right through. The first time I attempted to watch this Anime, I only got past the first episode and then gave up because I found it boring. If I didn’t have friends that I watched other Anime with, I wouldn’t still be watching Anime now. When I finally got around to watching this anime and its sequel a few years later, I really enjoyed it. I am glad I got around to watching it again because since then I have read a lot of comments online, from people who intensely dislike the Anime. So when I rewatched it a few weeks ago, I was partly rewatching it to see if this Anime still held up as a good one (in my opinion at least).

Before I begin to explain the anime Sword Art Online and Sword Art Online 2, or SAO and SAO2 (as I will be calling them because this is easier to type), I should mention that there is another sequel to this anime, called Sword Art Online : Alicization. However, I will not be talking about that anime in this post as I haven’t yet seen it. As this post will possibly contain minor spoilers, because I am covering both series of Sword Art Online, I would recommend that you go and watch it before you continue reading this post, in case I spoil anything for you. Although I will try to keep spoilers to a minimum, as always.

SAO is an anime set in the near future, in which a virtual reality game has been introduced. in the anime, they call this software, ‘Soft Dive’ software, because when you are wearing the helmet, called the ‘Nervegear’, you are completely unresponsive to outside stimuli, such as sounds, temperatures etc. the game, which has been introduced, is where the anime takes its name. SAO is an online fantasy MMO, in which people create their own characters and meet up with friends to defeat monsters together. The creator of the game has turned it into, what is referred to in the anime as a ‘Death Game’. A game in which the characters are unable to log out until they complete the entire game and defeat the final ‘Boss’. The main character, called Kirito makes friends with a few different characters in the game and along with them, works to defeat all the bosses. SAO2 is a similar idea and involved Kirito entering a separate MMO in order to defeat someone who is killing physical players through the game.

I think I should explain what I mean by the title of this post. If you were to take an entire group of people who had watched SAO, they would mainly fall into one of two camps. People who loved it and people who hated it. In this way it’s just like Marmite. I am someone who differs from this normality. Having written these blogs for a few years now, I like to analyse anime and look deeper into the meanings, the storytelling and the characters and I can see that SAO is not the best written anime. However, I still cannot shake that sense of enjoyment I got when I first watched this anime right through to the end.

There are some criticisms though. The first of my criticisms about SAO is that there are some fundamental plot holes. For example, there is even a massive plot hole in the premise of the entire anime. Why any government in the world would legalise a piece of wearable technology that was capable of causing catastrophic damage to a person’s brain, is beyond me. No matter how much safety this capability was under, you do not have to be a genius to figure out that at some time or another, someone will find a way to hack into the system and remove any safety protocols that had been put in place, meaning that the system would be able to kill users with or without their knowledge. As you can see, this is a massive plot hole. I do not understand why this situation could ever be believed, even in a fictional world. Even as a surface plot it doesn’t hold together - this would never work in any reality. There are a couple of other plot holes like this throughout the anime, which can be slightly jarring, as they pull you completely out of the sense of disbelief that the anime is trying to establish. I am pretty sure that you will be able to find others, because it is not very difficult.

Reki Kawahara, who is the author of the SAO Manga on which the anime is based, said in a recent interview, that he intends to get better at writing. I have to congratulate him on wanting to do this, as changing your entire writing style can not be easy. Although by him doing this, it would get rid of some of the potential problems with future anime based on his works. One problem I think would be extremely good to get rid of, would be the issue with exposition (by which I mean plot set up). In any anime, exposition is always necessary and you cant get away from it. However, some ways to do this are better than others. For example, there are two main ways that I think exposition can be handled. The first involves simply a scene in which the characters talk to each other about specific plot elements. This is really boring to watch and you can feel every minute of the exposition ticking by. Often in anime, every few episodes are really heavy in exposition and can have multiple ‘Exposition Dumps’, because there is an awful lot of set up for a particular situation in a five or ten minute period. The second way of tackling exposition, and one I find slightly more clever, is by using subtle gestures, or actions, to explain what is going on. I find this a lot better, as exposition can be spread out over a number of episodes, avoiding exposition dumps and also there doesn’t even need to be any words spoken and so you don’t always know it is happening. For example, without a great explanation, if you see two characters holding hands, you can assume that they have a fairly close relationship such as being siblings or romantic partners.

Mr Kawahara unfortunately strongly favours the first technique, which I do think is a real shame, because in actual fact, this detracts from some of the scenes, eg the fight scenes in the anime, which are really enjoyable in their own right.

So, I’m not too sure what to think of SAO and so I’m not really sure if I can recommend it or not. On one hand, I did enjoy watching the show, but on the other, there were some pretty bad problems around the story. But, like with all my recommendations, this is up to you. If you think it’s worth a watch and you have heard about it from friends, then give it a go. If not, it’s maybe not one for you.

#Sword Art Online #Anime Recommendation

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erintoknow · 5 years ago

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Something Is Wrong With Ariadne Becker

aaaah it feels like a dog’s age since i finished any writing. but here we go!! cross your fingers for the weekend fam!!!

fallen hero fanfic, spoilers from the alpha? charge step, but also mostly a lot of blurbs from different characters pov ~2.3k words [ao3]

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Lady Argent

Step into the break room, and lo, there she is, the weirdo who wears shades indoors. Well, alright. She did help put a name to who was behind the attack, even if you still haven’t been able to dredge up any trace of Locus. Julia liked her, and you’re not sure if that was a point for or against her.

Take the sandwich out of the fridge, sit down at the table with her. Notice how she tenses up. There’s something not quite right about her. Metal where there shouldn’t be? You’d have to really scrutinize to puzzle it out, and frankly, it’s not worth the bother. Apparently she used to be Sidestep, back in the day? Hard to believe – jittery, anxious, mess like that.

“Here for Ortega, again?” You ask. She keeps showing up now that Julia’s back out of the hospital. You don’t care what Julia says, there is definitely something going on there.

“Mmhm,” She nods her head, and then stands up, grabbing her purse. “S–s–sorry, I’ll get out of your way.” She makes a hasty exit out of the breakroom, leaving half a chocolate bar on the table.

Give a minute for her to come back for it.

She still doesn’t show.

Okay. This is, what? The third time now? You’re pretty sure now that she’s deliberately avoiding you. It’s starting to make you anxious. Did she go snooping around when she was in your head? You glance back to the door before swiping the candy bar for yourself. Something’s up.

There’s something wrong with Ariadne Becker.

Marcia

You’re not sure what you expected when you started the job, but near total freedom from any managerial supervision hadn’t been remotely on your radar. The guy who interviewed you, a gruff sounding young man was nowhere to be seen. Instead this redheaded stick of a girl gave you the rundown of the place. The shop looked several decades into its slow decline.

“Well… I work in the back so we probably won’t see much of each other, but it’s good to meet you.” Her smile is a little lopsided, uneasy, as she brushes back the tangled curls from her face. Her face is a little too pale, and she doesn’t offer a hand to shake or hug. Just disappears into the workshop behind the storefront (with the carefully organized storage system you had been repeatedly warned not to mess with).

You had been ready to write her off.

Three weeks into the job, you’re convinced there’s nothing and no one stopping you from spending all day chatting up Marcy and girls using the store phone. Friday night you’re locking up, and it’s not until you flick out the lights you realize the workshop light is still on. That woman better not still be at it. It’s just a two-bit job.

Poke your head in, and she’s still there at her desk alright. Only she’s fallen asleep, facedown in a pile of computer parts. Oh dear. Carefully step through, pick up the few pieces on the floor; you don’t really know where they go so you just put them on the table near the computer tower thingy. There’s a weird sense of unease. It’s only increased as you’ve gotten closer, like an itching in the back of your brain.

The girl mumbles something in her sleep, an apology? Something personal anyway. You prod her awake, a gentle shark on her arm. No coherent response. Harder pull, and she jumps in her seat with a start, grabbing your wrist and yanking hard as you bang your side against the work table.

“Ow! Shoot!” You bite back a curse as pain shoots up your hip. “Easy dear!”

It takes her a second but redhead lets go you, a strangled noise coming from her body. “S–s-sorry! I’m so sorry!” She staggers out her chair and steps away from you, almost tripping over herself.

“Goodness, no need for that now!” You force a laugh, try to put her at ease. Hadn’t anticipated such a forceful reaction.

As the confusion fades from her face, she fixes you with a cold stare. “D–don’t touch me ever ag–again.”

You frown, even as you step away. Well, that’s a little extreme isn’t it? There’s something wrong with Ariadne Becker.

Herald

“C–come on.” Ariadne squares up her shoulders, staring you down. “Let’s try th–this again.”

You ready yourself, putting yourself stance she suggested, feet planted wide. And then– something in her eye, you hesitate. “Are– are you sure? Do you need a rest after–”

“I’m f–f–fine,” she says, a little too quickly. “Doesn’t even hurt.” Her frown tightens, and then she’s going for your side again. You push off just before her hand would have hit, moving with the blow and twisting around to grab her arm.

Ariadne grunts as you pull her off balance, recovering with a headbutt into your chest. Winded you reflexively let go as you drift backwards to a safe distance. When she lunges after; rise up and out of her reach and – oh, that’s a little close to the edge!

“Hey! Hey uh– lets back up a bit?” You call down, moving back towards the middle of the roof.

Ariadne huffs, “D–don’t hesitate to use your environment against your enemy.”

“Okay, that’s great,” you concede, “but I really don’t want to have to catch you falling from a ten story building.”

“I–” She purses her lips, as if lost for words. “Fine. Fine.” She walks and you fly back to the middle of the roof. “Happy now, wonderbread?”

“Thank you,” you nod as you touch back down to the ground.

She takes a quick jab with her fist as your head and you swerve to the side. “N–n–never gonna take out Adrestia with–” She sidesteps your counterpunch and pushes you off balance. “–th–that bleeding heart of yours.”

You stop your fall before you can heart the floor, roll to the side. “Take out?” Cut the thought in time to dodge Ariadne’s kick. “I’m out to–” Her fist hits your hip as you fly out of range. Wipe the grimace from your face. “I’m want to stop Adrestia. Not kill her.”

Ariadne narrows her eyes up at you, still tense, ready for any sudden moves. “Why not? They’re a villain.”

Is Sidestep seriously asking you this? “We don’t need to kill them to stop them.”

“That’s not exactly a kind–” She stops herself, shakes her head and shoves her hands in her pockets. “In a fight – a real fight,” she adds before you can object, “there’s none of this pulling your punches crap. She hunches her shoulders, drawing in on herself. “If you want to win, you have to accept the reality that the other guy might die. And that you might die if you lose.”

You drift back to the ground as she talks. Ariadne’s staring a hole through the floor, another one of those moods again then. “Are you sure you’re okay…?”

A tight frown pulls at her face and she avoids meeting your eyes. “I’m just tired. Lesson over today, okay?” She shakes her head, runs a hand through her hair.

You sigh, have to watch your thoughts or she’ll yell at you again. But still. There’s something wrong with Ariadne Becker.

Chen

You had to take a second to double-check the identity of the figure on the park bench, but who else could it be? Ariadne Becker in shades, hunched over, watching dogs at 6:30 in the morning. Chancing across her here once was a coincidence. Twice, chance. But three times now?

Well, if you’ve noticed her know, she’s doubtless noticed you. Might as well do the polite thing. Maybe the two of you won’t even fight this time.

Too much doesn’t add up. Too many secrets kept. Some of that might be your fault. You can see that now. Shutting does she had been trying to open. You had to. Had to put the team first. But then again…

Things are supposed to be clearer in retrospect not murkier.

You put rest a hand on the back of the bench as you approach.

Ariadne raises a hand in a weak-waved greeting. “Chen.”

“Ariadne.”

“We meet again, old man.”

“Mm.” You sit down on the other end of the bench. Ariadne doesn’t look up. “Another hard night?”

Watch how her shoulders tighten then sag. “Y–yeah. You… you know how it is.” For once her hands are still, curled up in fists at her sides. When she doesn’t elaborate, you shift your attention back to Spoon, playing with a group of other dogs.

Take a deep breath, focus on Spoon. “I’m…” pick your words slowly, keeping any internal monologue to a minimum, “glad you’re back.”

“Really now.” She doesn’t bother hiding the sarcasm in her voice. “Y–you’re just thankful someone c–c–competent is finally showing Herald the ropes.”

You shake your head, watch her from the corner of your eye. “Julia’s really pulled herself together since finding you.”

That catches her off-guard, wipes the smile off her face. “W–what?” Ariadne looks away from you. “She seemed just f–fine when we first met.”

“You don’t have seven years of context.”

“…y–you going to share with the class, Steel?”

Take a deep breath, ready yourself for any hint of a mental intrusion. It doesn’t come. Has it ever? Would you really know if it had? “That’s not my story to share.”

Ariadne makes a sound somewhere between a groan and hushed scream. “Th–then why bring it up!?

“Because,” you shift on the bench so you can stare her down straight-on. “You’ve been good for her.”

“Good for her!?” Ariadne makes a face, something between surprise and disbelief. “I’m nothing but a–” She cuts herself off, huffs as she hunches down, hugging herself.

“I don’t think she can take losing you again.”

She stares out at Spoon and the other dogs. “I– I’m retired, Chen.”

“So you keep saying.” Spoon barks, grabbing your attention as he runs back to you, and you cup his head in your hands. Despite your focus one stray thought leeks out, but if she picks it up, then there’s no indication. There’s something wrong with Ariadne Becker.

Ortega

You tie off the loop of string around the push pin and step back to look at the whole of the cork-board, a dissatisfied frown on your face. This all leads back to Hollow Ground somehow, but there’s something missing.

Ariadne had all but confessed to having been held prisoner by someone. Who would go to the effort of faking her death and holding her captive? She’s a telepath. A run-away, who was desperate to avoid having her actual face caught on the news – Can’t help but feel guilty there. After five years, you let yourself get a little too comfortable, all that work trying to draw her out of her shell. Was it your fault they found her? And who is ‘they’? Well, who does Ariadne look like but Hollow Ground herself? Hollow Ground didn’t hesitate to kill Hood for getting too close to the truth. What would she do to her own family?

Just thinking about what they might have done to Ari is enough to send static discharge crawling up your arms.

Ari says she escaped but… She didn’t go to the Rangers. Didn’t tell anyone she was alive. Why? Why wouldn’t she tell you? Why was Ariadne so guilty around Angie? She visited you in the hospital, the same night Adrestia debuted. She looked ready to fall apart on you that night. Always knew Adrestia’s next name. Always avoiding your messages, playing hard to get, afraid to get involved with the Rangers again.

Why did Adrestia fight like her?

And yet… had Adrestia killed anyone? If anything, reports suggested Adrestia was increasingly going out of her way to avoid any injuries. Chen had the strangest story of Adrestia sticking around to help him save people trapped in a burning building.

Adrestia made a lot of noise about overthrowing the government, but what had they really accomplished so far?

But… why would Ariadne do that?

And then there’s Jane. Jane, who looks like Ariadne and Hollow Ground both. Another relative? She’s made a big splash in the underground circuit. First hiring out various mercs and crooks for odd jobs and now working almost exclusively as a go-between for her ‘boss’ Adrestia.

But was Adrestia really calling the shots?

Jane looking like Hollow Ground doesn’t mean anything on its own, but when you dragged Jane out on work she hadn’t been happy. She’d be even less happy if she had realized you caught that moment of recognition between her and Hallow Ground’s goons. So she’s not just a criminal fixer for Adrestia, she has some tie to Hollow Ground. Probably more the just a ‘tie’ but you can’t prove that any more than Ariadne’s connection.

Why does Adrestia’s fixer with ties to Hollow Ground live directly below Ariadne? What else could it be but to keep tabs on her? Whatever job Ariadne’s taken its running her ragged, and forced her back into shape.

Stringing Jane along as long as you have in hopes of her tipping her hand isn’t exactly your proudest action as a Ranger. It’s kind of a relief now to have have to cut things off with her, even if that’s only going to make keeping tabs on the woman harder. It’s your own fault really. Sometimes she just… seemed so much like Ariadne, but… more open? More willing to flirt, to see where things would go.

You’re not sure what that says about you. Nothing flattering, you’re sure.

Meanwhile, the actual Ariadne is.. trying to push you away with one hand and pulling you back with the other. She’d always been scared of closeness, but this is…

There’s something wrong with Ariadne Becker.

You have to get through to her somehow. Show her there’s still a way out.

#fallen hero #fallen hero fanfic #fallen hero: rebirth #fhr #fanfiction #wlw fanfic #trans character #fhr/Ariadne #mostly i'm just glad to be done and move on #i think maybe i was a little too ambitious with this concept given my free time constraints

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