#also fuck capitalism tbh

[pinkantagonist]

I’m just gonna vent about adhd for a second.

A while back, I told my boss (past boss) that I had adhd. I was being converted from a contract worker to full time, so disclosing my disability seemed like a normal part of that process. I wanted to put my best foot forward at my new job, and ask for reasonable accommodations so I could do my best work. My boss and I had a good relationship, so I felt very confident about it.

He scoffed at me, said that “everyone has a little adhd”, and then went off about how kids are over diagnosed. I sat in silence for the rest of the conversation. Oh, and it took about 8 months for me to get my requested accommodations.

I have a different boss now, who is much kinder about it, but this really colored my experience of being a working person with adhd. Sometimes I forget that I’m disabled or I don’t consider myself as such, but the corporate world has a way of reminding me.

Well, this morning I fucked up. I was supposed to do a small presentation and I completely forgot, and missed about 90% of it (I work remotely and have somewhat flexible hours, for context).

I remembered at the tail end of the meeting, jumped into the call and apologized to everyone, and was able to finish it up, after my boss had so kindly stepped in and presented most of it for me. I made a real ass of myself and I’m trying SO hard not to spiral about it… it was absolutely mortifying.

Now, this was 100% my fault. I’m not trying to blame anything else, but damn is it just… hard. It’s so hard for me to like, be a person. And the adderall shortage is making it so much worse. I can only get the instant release tablets, MAYBE, if I’m lucky, and they just flat out don’t work as well as the extended release, which are impossible to find right now.

I have pretty severe TMJ, which is exacerbated by the instant release, so I’m constantly balancing being in so much agony and being a functioning person. The less pain I experience the more I fail at my responsibilities, and the more pain I’m in the better my brain works... And the more teeth I break. You don’t even want to know how much I’ve spent on dental work, and a mouth guard that my insurance refused to cover.

Basically, yesterday I chose to be irresponsible with less pain on my day off, which had major repercussions today. If I’m not like, 110% stressed out about everything 24/7 I WILL forget pretty much all appointments and commitments, but it’s unsustainable to live like this and my health is FAILING. I can feel myself becoming weaker and worn out. I’m killing myself just to appear “normal”. But I can’t do anything less, because if I get fired, goodbye health insurance! Then I wouldn’t even be able to get the shitty instant release tablets.

And it’s all invisible. No one suspects a thing. I can’t really talk about it. I told everyone we experienced a power outage, because the real reason just seems silly. Sorry, I took a day off from being a person yesterday because my daily life makes me feel like I’m drowning, and my meds didn’t kick in fast enough for me to remember on time! Sorry, I was distracted by having to pry my jaw open to brush my teeth when I woke up today since I already lost my $800 night guard! Sorry, I have chronic IBS which causes me so much pain that sometimes I can’t even move when I first get up, which was what delayed me taking my meds in the first place!

I don’t know what the point of this was. Happy disability month, I guess. It absolutely sucks here.

And if you think “everyone has a little adhd”, please go fuck yourself.

[charaznablespeteevee]

the other day I reblogged a post like "hate when an f/f ship in media does nothing for me" and a ton of replies/tags on it were like "that's because you need to watch/read better media" and I've been lowkey losing my mind about it ever since. idk how to tell you to stop being full of yourself and assuming that something is "bad" just because you don't like it. Sometimes you just don't vibe with something, even something "good", and that's fine. I feel like this used to be the prevailing view of art until about ten years ago and it's driving me fucking insane what happened. jesus christ

[liquidstar]

How is tumblr going to ban porn and then show me ads where two triceratops are straight up having sex

[alienaiver]

not me realizing what caused my flare up and why it hasnt gotten better 😭😭

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is going to spencers and seeing only ace pride merch and no aro pride merch

.

[lawva-girl]

Not to be a scrouge BUT OMFG I HATE CHRISTMAS

[sharklovingcriminals]

"When life gives you lemons" no longer works as an expression because everyone i know would be thrilled to get free, edible, nutritious food without working or being excessively advertised to

like nobody cares that it's sour, it'll be sweetened by the knowledge that the lemons didn't require you to sell your soul to elon musk and jeff bezos until your body is physically incapable of being productive and you're then allowed to retire

Fuck lemonade if life gives me lemons I'm feasting on them like a starved man on a desert island tearing a fish apart with his teeth

[nittroyreblogs]

After noticing that most people creating problems to our work flow by always bringing in ai comparisons are all higher up managers, as well as seeing couple of dischorse moments in art communities online

I found myself thinking about how we can kinda connect the way artists "ostracize" those who switch to AI from their communities to how class conscious regards class traitors

I kinda wish I could substantiate this statement more by bringing in some lit and writing a short essay on it but I cant because I have absolutely no time outside of my creative field work that prassures me like... A l o t lately lol 🙃🙃🙃

[queen-of-the-kingdom]

Every now and then, I look at all my past stories and fanfics (both completed and wips) that I've never posted (and probably never will) and wonder how many people also have countless stories (or art or anything) that they've never shared. Much of my unposted stuff is just incomplete, so old I'm embarrassed to be associated with it, or both; thus they are abandoned into the aether of google docs if they even made it to the screen in the first place.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has all this stuff saved in some half-forgotten corner; but, in all honesty, the thought that for every person with even one posted work of effort, there's an unknown amount of unreleased material that accompanies it, is kinda overwhelming.

The idea that so much of the world's creativity goes unseen is somewhat sad but I would be a hypocrite if I told everyone to post all their wips and early endeavors. If you ever do decide to post, even, especially, if you aren't fully happy with what you have, you're braver than I am now.

[trevisos]

obsessed with the way xarrai and astarion’s lives ran so parallel for like the entire 15 years xar lived in baldur’s gate. constantly dancing around each other but never actually meeting. when xar wasn’t playing in the lower city taverns they were in the helm and cloak in the upper city convincing patriars to empty their pockets for a night with them and astarion was luring victims in the outer city and they just kept almost crossing paths over and over again but never really meeting. it makes that line after you meet sebastian in cazador’s dungeon where you can tell astarion “face it, you would have killed me” so juicy for them because they both know they were like. actually always a hair’s breadth from that reality

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Shoutout to me from five weeks ago, about to start my new job, saying "watch this space, in about four weeks my mental health will be deteriorating rapidly". That bitch was bang on the money.

[puddingcatbeans]

so fucking tired of being angry

[cool-abed-filmz]

the spray paint pens in procreate <3

[dragoncarrion]

Ok um so for a class they might make us work a minimum wage job for two weeks as an assignment

[actual-corpse]

Idk if y'all saw the curly hair discourse on the Clock app....

But like... I wanna personally fist fight EVERYONE who says white people can't have naturally curly hair like...

The whole fight was white people attacking a white girl because she was sharing a curly hair care routine. In this routine, she kinda scrunched and fluffed her hair so people were screeching that she messed with her hair to force it to curl... All I have to do is SHOWER and brush my hair, leave it the fuck alone and I get perfect ringlets.

[scarletttbitch]

sometimes i forget how good i am at my job