#the actual calls are generally the least bad part of it tbh

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Shoutout to me from five weeks ago, about to start my new job, saying "watch this space, in about four weeks my mental health will be deteriorating rapidly". That bitch was bang on the money.

[hotpinkstars]

GIRL DAD OR BOY DAD? - sunday, boothill x reader

- or more clearly, to what gender would they want to have more, and general headcannons of them as papas ☺️

- brainrot brainrot brainrot BRAINROT AHHH... i love these guys and i can do a part 2 for others later but godd theres absolutely not enough dad stuff for these men (especially sunday... if there is its all yandere) so never fear novas here! ahem anyways enjoy

- warnings none! pure fluff!!! wc 711

Sunday is so a girl and boy dad.

Reason why I say this is because he likely needs an heir to take over his position when he gets too old to do so, but he also wants a baby girl he can spoil as well.

Don’t worry! He loves both of his kids the same! They’re the greatest things that have probably ever happened to him and he cherishes them with his whole life. He thanks the stars above every single day for the opportunity he received to be a father to multiple beautiful children, and thanks you for granting him the chance. 

Dunno, but I could see this man wanting a handful of kids. He wants at least one girl and at least one boy, but I could see him shooting for 3-4. Will he be around to care for them? Not all the time, but he tries his hardest (and he definitely has the resources to care for that many).

Considering they’re half halovian and half human, they look pretty much just like their father! Some have your eyes, but they all have his hair. His hair and his gorgeous wings. They have your features though, such as your face, body type, etc.

His favorite part of the day is when he gets to collapse on your shared bed, his kiddos following behind him to cuddle their dad, and most of the time you all fall asleep together. Normally, you wake up just you and him because he’s good about putting them in their own bed once they fall asleep.

Once his kids get older, he’ll teach his son(s) combat and good form. He wants them to protect, and wants to raise them to be strong and independent. With his daughter(s), if they ask to be taught combat, then he won’t see much of an issue with it. He also wants to teach them independence, but in a more subtle form. 

Just expect that his children as teenagers are going to be the prettiest kids around holy shit. They’re obviously enrolled in a private school due to their fathers high status but they always come home and list the compliments they’ve received that day. Thankfully you two have raised them well enough for them to realize that it’ll be bad if all of these get to their head and stroke their ego too hard…

Supportive father asf! All I’ve gotta say here

Don’t play Boothill is SO a girl dad hello have you met the man

He’s so excited when his little girl is born ahh he’s always dreamed of being a father to a girl and his dream has officially come true!!

Obviously, if you had a boy, he’d love him the same. He just wants children of his own tbh lol

His daughter knows western culture fresh out of the womb my friend. It’s like she was born for little cowboy boots and the cutest little cowboy hat. She’s even got a western name, he brought it up and you liked it, so the name you two settled on was Cassidy.

She has his hair! It’s absolutely gorgeous once it starts coming in- a pearly white color with little black streaks stemming from the roots. She has your eyes and your face, and his slimmer body type (before he was turned into a cyborg. This isn’t canon I actually have no clue what he looked like pre cyborgification lmao).

Oh lord, your daughter is so spoiled. On every mission he goes on he’s always bringing something back for her. It could be a super fancy necklace or even just a little trinket he picked up from a street vendor, but she has a whole shelf full of the things her daddy gives her.

She thinks it’s so cool he has a metal body. She asks about it alot but she’s really fascinated with it tbh. She likes to call it “daddy’s special feature!” and he always melts to that sentence gosh

He probably teaches his daughter how to use a gun when she gets older. He, similar to Sunday, wants his daughter to learn self defense tactics and learn how to fend for herself when necessary.

She totally has his accent. Change my mind period.

[joojeans]

˚◞♡ ⃗ I Dare You Pt. 2

♡ Bestfriend!Fuma x Afab!Reader

♡ Summary: You’re sitting on the floor with your friends playing a juvenile game–truth or dare. Things have been spiraling out of control for some time now, but what happens when you’re dared to turn on one of your best friends without touching them? Can they handle it? Can you handle it? Spoiler alert: neither of you can. Find out how things go from seriously fucked up to seriously fucked, one member at a time.

♡ WC: 3.7k

♡ Content: mildly jealous fuma, finger sucking, fuma calling reader pet names, fuma calling reader good girl, reader is foaming at the mouth for fuma tbh (i get it), soft dom fuma, light fingering, unprotected sex (be smart), the actual intercourse is a very small part of this but that's how i wanted it <3

♡ PREVIOUS | SERIES MASTERLIST | NEXT

You lift your head from Euijoo’s shoulder at the sound of your name, eyes finding the mouth responsible almost instantly–Nicholas. He’s giving you the look: the one that says put your phone away and play with us properly. You give him a sheepish smile and slide your phone into your back pocket, sitting up straighter to convey I want to be here.

“It’s your turn, by the way.” 

“Oh.” Awkward.

“So, truth or dare?”

“Tru–” You stop yourself. The truth is usually easier, at least for you, but you feel a bit bad about not being as involved as everyone else, so you figure the riskier option might help make it up to them a little. It can’t be that bad, right? These are your best friends. “Uh, I mean, dare.” 

“Oh?” This time, Nicholas is taken by surprise. “Gimme a sec, I wasn’t prepared for you to actually pick dare.”

You nod, sitting back on one arm while your other hand mindlessly plays with the rips in Euijoo’s jeans. As if inspired by you, he does the same on his other leg.

Nicholas’s face is morphing between concentration, intrigue, and curiosity as he looks around the room. It seems like he’s hoping to be spoon fed the dare by one of the other guy’s faces, and while it doesn’t seem to happen quite like that, it does kind of work. 

“Okay, hear me out.”

Your stomach tenses at the words alone. Nicholas only prefaces things like that when he’s about to propose something your instincts will protest. “Nicholas.”

He holds his hands up in defense, a guilty smile playing on his lips. “Wait, wait. Just listen.”

You roll your eyes, your shoulders shrugging in surrender. Euijoo, Fuma, and K are all looking at Nicholas, certainly dying to know what he’s up to.

Nicholas starts carefully, the honey of his voice smoothing over any startling words. “It’s just that… I couldn’t help but notice that Fuma’s jaw was tense just now. Like, it was locked. And it was because he was watching you… with Euijoo.”

Every head in the room sans Nicholas cocks just slightly. No one seems to be privy to whatever Nicholas is talking about. You look at Euijoo, trying to put the puzzle pieces together for yourself, but he looks just as surprised as you. Your eyes scan him for any signs of you having done anything with him, though you know you haven’t. Then you realize.

Your fingers are still idly playing with the rip of his jeans. That’s it. It’s innocent enough, your fingertips only occasionally pushing inside of the material to lightly scratch at his skin, but you hadn’t even been totally conscious you were doing it.

“Wait. You’re saying this–” You motion generally to the jeans in question.

“Yes.”

You glance up, looking for Fuma. His jaw is definitely tense, but now it seems to be more out of annoyance than–what was it? Disgust? Jealousy?

You look back to Nicholas, still not sure what his point is and definitely sure you don’t want to annoy Fuma any further. “Okay, so what about it?”

Nicholas pushes his tongue into his cheek, a sly grin adorning his face as he prepares to finally reach the climax of this much-too-built-up dare. “I dare you to see how much more you can frustrate him. He seemed to want your attention, so why not let him have it? If you manage to turn him on, I’ll pay for your uber home.”

You only get a moment to process everything because Fuma is nudging Nicholas with his shoulder and muttering words you can’t hear. You’re worried that he’s uncomfortable even if it wasn’t you that started all this. You look from K to Euijoo, hoping that either of them will speak up, but they just look amused and confused, respectively.

Is Fuma really jealous? Does he think of you like that? You had never thought so, but you can’t exactly say you’d be complaining if he does. He’s Fuma. Handsome. Strong. Respectable.

“So are you saying you’re afraid to let her try?” Nicholas laughs. The conversation is finally audible to third party ears again.

Fuma clears his throat. “No. I’m saying that I don’t think it’s very fair to be putting her in that position.”

The atmosphere gets eerily quiet, awkward. You and everyone else know that you’re the only one that can speak for yourself. Strangely, you like having the upper hand like this. It feels like there are exciting possibilities with a handsome man that you’re now maybe starting to think about differently.

“I don’t mind, you know.” And you don’t.

The quietness carries on. Everyone needs you to elaborate.

“I mean, we’re all having fun here, right?” Everyone nods, albeit slowly. “And I could certainly use a free uber home later. So… why not? Unless you are opposed, of course.”

You plaster on a lighthearted, playful smile and it feels like the tension is slowly but surely being sucked out of the room. All four sets of eyes move to Fuma. His move.

“I can’t say that I was prepared for this, but… okay. Who am I to deny you an opportunity for a free ride, right?” His tone is equally playful and it relieves you. 

Relieves everyone, really. Now that all parties are seeing eye to eye, everyone can breathe.

“Well, have at it.” Nicholas motions you towards Fuma and you chew on your lip for a moment. This is probably going to be really fun for you, but you haven’t exactly thought it through. Still, the show must go on.

You carefully sit up until you’re squatting on your feet. You lean forward until your knees hit the floor, crawling hands and knees in Fuma’s direction. He’s watching you, seemingly unaffected as his eyes stay locked on you.

His back is resting against the sofa as he sits on the floor, feet planted, knees bent, forearms resting on his knees. His feet are far enough apart that you can just squeeze yourself between his legs. You do, your hands linking themselves with his as you sit on your knees. His head falls back just slightly on his shoulders, looking down his nose at you. His lips are parted just slightly and his eyelids are lowered, but he otherwise looks the same as he always does.

“Hi, Fuma,” you coo, batting your lashes sweetly.

“Y/n.” There’s a seriousness to the way he speaks, but he gives you a small smile that can only be described as adoring.

“I hear you were feeling a little jealous.” You mock pout, bringing one of his hands up to your face to nuzzle it. “Is that right?”

Fuma exhales an almost-laugh, tongue pushing into his cheek. “I don’t know if I would call it that.” The other guys can’t see it, but the hand that’s brushing against your cheek squeezes yours. It feels like validation that he does feel something for you, even if he hasn’t said as much.

“No?” You free both of his hands from yours momentarily, instead placing all of your focus on one of them. You open his palm with your fingers–his one hand needs both of yours to do this properly–and massage up to his fingertips. “Seemed like you didn’t really like what I was doing with my fingers.”

It’s barely noticeable, but Fuma’s breath catches in his throat briefly. You cock your head innocently, watching as the gears behind his eyes turn, trying to figure out your next move so he can beat you to it.

“I should make that up to you, right?” You press soft kisses upon each fingertip. “Show you I’m sorry for upsetting you like that?”

Fuma watches intently as your lips travel across each fingertip, between each knuckle. “I mean– You don’t have to–”

Saving him the struggle of finding the right words in this complex situation, you pull your head back just enough to straighten his fingers completely and suck his index and middle finger between your lips. You can hear a gasp from someone in the room, but it’s not Fuma. The only reaction he gives you is an almost imperceptible slackening of his jaw.

Unwavering, you let your tongue snake around and between his fingers, humming happily. You thought you’d have to fake that part a little bit, but now that you’re actually doing this, you’re really fucking enjoying it. Something about Fuma not giving into you so easily is making wetness pool in your panties. To be frank, you can’t think of anything else you’d rather be doing other than sucking on Fuma’s pretty fingers. Maybe this was supposed to be about seeing how much you could get to Fuma, but it seems like you’re getting to yourself more than anything right now.

Fuma lets you get carried away, mouth working his fingers the way they would his cock. There’s a slight burning in your cheeks knowing that other people are watching you, but you can’t care enough to stop yourself. Worse, you feel your heart skip a beat when Fuma reaches out to brush away the few strands of hair that found themselves stuck in the little pool of saliva on the corner of your lips. Fuck, even right now he’s a gentleman. 

You moan softly at the act of care, but it’s cut off by a second, surprised moan when Fuma presses his fingers down firmly on your tongue. You stop moving, eyes wide as you look at Fuma. He presses them down further until your mouth opens and your jaw forces apart. He just looks at you as you sit on your knees, mouth and jaw open for him, his fingers still pressing on your tongue. “Good girl.”

Oh fuck.

He removes his fingers from your mouth and wipes the saliva on your lips with his thumb. “Alright, that’s enough.”

You don’t know what to feel. Embarrassed? Maybe. Confused? Yeah. Turned on? Absofuckinglutely.

Nicholas speaks up before you can even begin to think of what to say. “Hey, you don’t get to decide when it’s over. Money is on the line here.” He’s half joking.

“I said it’s over. It worked. I don’t think you need to see the physical evidence.”

It worked?

In a move that would be extremely inappropriate on any other day, everyone in the room glances towards Fuma’s crotch. No one can be sure of anything based on the way he’s sitting, but considering he confirmed it himself, it seems that you were successful.

That’s great and all, but now you have to deal with the aftermath of all of your friends watching you act… like that. You have to change the subject immediately or you might die of embarrassment.

“Alright, Nicholas. Pull your phone out right now and send me the money you owe me.” You playfully toss your hair and retreat back to your spot next to Euijoo, hoping like hell everyone can forget what just happened.

Euijoo seems to stiffen a little when you sit next to him this time and you’re not sure if you love or hate that. Still, you rest your head against his upper arm, eyes trained on Nicholas to make sure he does what’s promised. He laughs when he realizes you very much meant right now and pulls his phone from his pocket.

“Don’t worry about it,” Fuma mumbles quietly to Nicholas. No one else hears him, but you’re hyper aware of him after… what just happened… so you do. Nicholas looks over at him, clearly confused, but Fuma explains himself. “Send her the money still, but I’ll take her home.”

Nicholas smirks.

-

You’re standing at the far end of the kitchen, head resting against the wall near the fridge. You’re ready to go home, but you don’t want to ruin the mood for everyone else by being the first to leave. Still, you decide to open uber and see how long it would take for a driver to come get you. As it goes, there’s a driver only five minutes away. Tempting.

“Should I grab my keys?”

You glance up from your phone to see Fuma standing at the other end of the kitchen. He looks calm and composed as ever. The way you feel looking at him could be considered anything but.

Silence hovers between you for several moments as you consider how to answer. Fuma never actually spoke with you about driving you home tonight. You’re pretty sure he doesn’t even know you overheard his hushed words to Nicholas. It seems bold for him to just assume you’d take him up on it, but then again… maybe not? You are friends. You seem to be forgetting that a lot tonight.

Still, you’re not an idiot.

“Yeah. If you don’t mind.”

With a nod, Fuma disappears into the living room. You mentally prepare for a ride home that is sure to be unlike any other.

He returns only a minute later, keys in hand. “I told them that we’re leaving and that you said goodbye. I hope that’s okay?” You nod. Your hero. You’re not in the right headspace for all the formalities tonight. Fuma offers you his arm and you hesitate, but you ultimately take it and walk out the front door with him.

The car ride is miserable. You’re both quiet and Fuma keeps asking if you’re feeling okay when you’re very much not feeling okay. Especially not when you’re watching the way his hand glides across the steering wheel effortlessly. Especially not when his other arm is propped against the driver’s side door, hand rubbing his jaw and lips. Especially not when you’re trying to not look at either of his hands and instead find your eyes trained on his lap, his muscular thighs looking all too inviting. It’s all you can do to not pounce on him in the middle of the highway.

Since when do you feel like this about Fuma?

Since approximately three hours ago.

You try like hell to shake it off and stare out your window instead. Safe.

When you pull up to your apartment, you expect to give Fuma an awkward goodbye hug and a thank you and then scurry away to hide yourself from him for the foreseeable future. That’s not what happens.

Fuma turns off the car and removes his keys. He steps out of the car and comes to your side to open it for you, arm protectively around your lower back as you let him guide you to your front door. You turn to face him then, eyes inquisitive.

“Well… goodnight? Thank you for the ride home. You really didn’t have to do that. I did get a free ride tonight, you know.” You laugh half-heartedly, mentally cursing yourself for bringing up anything even tangentially related to what happened between you tonight.

“You’re welcome. Are you going to open the door?”

You hesitate. Again. “Oh, uh… yes?” You unlock and push the door open, stepping just inside to say goodbye again. He just wants to make sure I’m safely inside before he leaves.

Nope. Fuma carefully nudges you further into your apartment so he can step inside as well, closing the door behind him. 

What is going on?

You look up to Fuma and cock your head, prompting him to explain himself. He smiles at you with a subtle confidence that makes you feel like you’d do anything to please him. “What?”

“I don’t understand what’s happening right now.”

Fuma chuckles, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Y/n. You couldn’t sit still the entire ride home. Did you think I couldn’t feel you staring at me?” 

He pauses in case you’d like to answer. You don’t. 

“Did you or did you not want me to come inside with you tonight?”

Well…

“Fuck, Fuma. I don’t know. Nothing about what I’m feeling or wanting tonight feels normal.”

He nods, taking your hand and walking you to your dining table. He sits in the closest chair and carefully maneuvers you onto his lap. You’ve sat in his lap many times before, but never like this–not straddling him, not with his face so close to yours. “Let me help you figure it out then, mm?” A pause for you to nod your agreement. “Did you like it when you thought I was jealous earlier tonight?”

You narrow your eyes. “You were jealous.”

“Not the point. Did you like it?”

“Well…a little bit, yeah. I don’t know why.”

“That’s okay. Did you like it…” His hand cups your face, thumb brushing over your bottom lip. Your body memory recalls him doing that to clean your own drool off of you only hours before and your cunt throbs. “...when you had my fingers in your mouth?”

“Yes.” You answer too quickly. You didn’t mean to do that.

Fuma’s lips quirk into a small smirk, humming his approval. “Do you want me to kiss you right now?”

Fuck it. If he’s going to ask you about every single feeling and desire, you might as well just be completely honest. 

“Fuma, if I’m being honest, I want you to do more than just kiss me right now.”

A brief flash of surprise reflects from Fuma’s eyes, but he never falters. He gathers your hand in his. “Is that so?” He places your hand over the button of his jeans. “Tell me what it is you want me to do then, angel.”

Your lips part in a silent gasp as you glance down. You can finally feel that he was affected by you even if he’s good at hiding it. Your hand tries to curl around the girth of his clothed cock, but his jeans are too thick and stiff. Your eyes flit back up to his, sparkling. You work on pulling his button loose and his zipper down as you speak, silently praying he doesn’t stop you. “I need to feel you inside me. Want you to make me cum.”

Fuma smiles, taking your hand away from his jeans and pressing a kiss against the back of it. “Using your words so well, yeah? That’s a good girl.” He laces his fingers through yours, free hand ghosting down to free himself from his jeans. 

You chew on your lip at the sight of his uncovered cock, mouth instinctively watering, but he doesn’t let you get caught up for too long.

“Lift up just a little for me.”

You do as requested and he frees the hem of your dress from under you at all sides before letting you sit back down. His hand slides up the top of your soft thigh, inviting itself between them. You whimper at the proximity before he’s even touched you and he playfully slaps your thigh. “So needy. Cute.”

His hand continues its journey, feeling the wet cloth of your panties for only a moment before pulling them to the side. He lets his long middle finger glide between your slick folds, licking his lips as he realizes how truly needy you actually are. “Must’ve been so uncomfortable sitting in your pretty panties like this all night.” He guides the hand he was holding to his shoulder and leaves it there. Understanding, you hold it and Fuma pushes his finger inside you, relishing the relieved moan you gift him.

“There we go. Feels so much better, mm?”

You nod somewhere close to frantically. “So good, Fuma. Want more.”

“Mhmm. I know.” He adds a second finger and slowly starts to scissor them, making sure you’re nice and open for him. His eyes are all over your face as it scrunches up in pure pleasure, his free hand rubbing your hip to soothe you. “Think you’re ready to sit on my cock, angel?”

“Sofuckingready,” you breathe out at once. You lean your body forward, your arms wrapping around Fuma’s neck. You rest your forehead against his while he takes advantage of your positioning, removing his fingers from you and angling his cock towards your entrance.

He hesitates. You feel rabid.

“Tell me you’re sure.”

“God, I couldn’t be more fucking sure. Please.”

His lips twitch into a small smirk. “I got you.” He inserts himself inside you with one hand, his other gently guiding your body down. Your eyelids flutter from the fullness of him, slowly stretching you open until you’re fully impaled on him. He feels better than you could’ve imagined and your eyes close, feeling like you’re in a wet, lucid dream.

Usually, you would take control of the situation–moving yourself up and down his cock at your will–but something about being with Fuma makes you feel small. Like you should be taken care of instead. Like you don’t have to lift a finger.

Seemingly, he feels the same.

Both hands on your hips, Fuma takes care of you. He rolls his hips up into your aching cunt, his hands aiding him by guiding you along his length. He asks almost nothing of you, all too happy to single-handedly provide you both what you’ve been craving. He watches as your head slips back on your shoulders, your jaw slack from the blissful pleasure of him.

“There you go, angel.” His voice is solace. “Hold onto me.”

Your fingers curl into either side of his shoulders, doing your damnedest to keep yourself up. The room is eerily quiet–only the sounds of your slick, Fuma’s praises, and your soft exhales peppering the air. Despite how urgently you felt you needed this, everything about it is tender. The way he holds you, moves you, fucks you–it feels like love.

And maybe it is. You’ve always loved each other. Just…never like this. 

Or maybe you didn’t know it was like this.

You’re not sure how long you carry on like this. You feel dazed, suspended in a beautiful haze with Fuma. Even your orgasm feels careful, gradually building until it takes over you, flooding your body with warmth and dopamine and oxytocin, flooding Fuma’s lap with a thank you. You don’t realize he also found release until you slowly blink your eyes back open to see the remnants of pleasure etched onto his face.

You smile at each other weakly, fondly. You lean your forehead against his once more, the two of you catching your breath in tandem. You feel his lips moving within centimeters of yours.

“Let’s go to bed.”

[savventeen]

you say the stupidest (sweetest) things

pairing: seungkwan x gn!reader rating: 16+ (for swearing) wc: 4.5k prompt: seungkwan + "things you said at 1am" summary: you say stupid shit on the best of days, so when seungkwan comes over when you're having a bad bout of insomnia, the last thing he expects to hear from you is an accidental love confession warnings: insomnia, mental health issues, dissociation mention tags: fluff, friends to lovers, first kiss, reader is a little unhinged but who isn't tbh, they're also highkey allergic to genuine expressions of love/affection but they're working on it, banter, stimming, wrestling like children to try and work through emotions, reader is some flavor of lgbt+ (they make an "i've never done anything straight in my life" joke), reader's pov is dramatic bc they're dramatic oops a/n: this is for @dokyeomin as a part of my emergency commissions (check out the post here) and this was only supposed to be 1k but it 100% got away from me... i hope you still enjoy the fluff and all of the attached nonsense <3

From: Y/n 🔪 [11:47pm]

yo kwannie if i impulsively decide to go to the 24h convenience store how harshly do u think they'll jusdge me for buying every flavor of gummy candy available *judge i wanna see if i can melt them down into one Ultimate Gummy u know for Science

Seungkwan pauses brushing his teeth and stares down at your messages.

To be fair, it's probably not the strangest thing you've ever texted him. He's known you since your second year of college, after all, so he has about half a decade of experience with all of your various y/n-isms under his belt now.

Which is how he knows to trust his gut when it tells him that this probably isn't your usual brand of nonsense.

He spits the toothpaste into the sink and dials your number. You answer on the second ring.

“Before you say anything,” you start, “I was only half-serious about the gummies thing. Like, it's a fun idea, you know? In theory. But in actuality? I do not want to deal with the mess that it would create. Or the smells. Well, the smells might actually be pretty good depending on—“

“Uh-huh,” he interrupts dryly. “Y/n, when's the last time you slept?”

The beat of silence that follows is enough to confirm his suspicions, and the hesitant “Um” that follows is just the icing on the cake, really.

He sighs. “The fact that you have to think about it says enough.”

“I don’t need to think about it,” you argue petulantly. “I just… don’t wanna tell you.”

“Y/n...” he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Look, I know, I'm sorry.” And you do sound a little bit sorry, at least. “I'm just. Having an episode. Don't worry about it.”

His shoulders droop as the words sink in. “Episodes” are what you've taken to calling your intermittent bouts of serious insomnia.

Generally speaking, you sleep about as well as the average twenty-something with a caffeine addiction. But every few months or so, it's like your brain completely forgets how to shut off and you end up staying awake for 40+ hours straight.

“Well,” he says, putting his toothbrush away and going back to his bedroom. “You know that ship has sailed, right? You know I'm gonna worry about it.”

Your deep sigh crackles over the line. “Yeah, I know.”

“So. Where're we at this time?”

He mentally braces himself. The two of you have done this enough times now that he knows that you know there's no point in trying to lie or beat around the bush.

“Uhhhhhhh, I'll be hitting the 46-hour mark in about 20 minutes.”

“Aish.”

The fact that you can say that so casually makes his heart hurt. He knows that whenever he doesn't get enough sleep, he makes sure everyone knows it and thus babies him accordingly. But you've always been so intent on hiding anything and everything you struggle with. It's taken years for him to bully himself past the walls you keep hidden behind shit-eating grins and an over-willingness to help.

“Okay,” he says, moving to the dresser to grab an extra set of clothes. “I'll be over in an hour.”

“Wait. What?”

“You heard me.” He tosses the clothes onto his bed before going to grab one of his duffle bags, firmly asserting, “You've got an hour to mentally prepare yourself for my arrival.”

“Honey, you've got a big storm comin',” you quote at him without hesitating.

“You sure do,” he assures with a snort. “Better get ready to feel the wrath of my friendship.”

“Why do you have to love so aggressively?”

He rolls his eyes while he throws his clothes into the duffle bag with one hand. “Because it's the only way you'll accept it, idiot.”

“No, it isn't.”

Your pout is so audible through the phone that Seungkwan has to stop and glance at the screen in disbelief.

“Y/n. Y/n L/n. Do not stand there and lie to my face like that.”

“I'm not lying!”

“Not—” He gesticulates wildly with one hand like he's going Can you believe this shit? to an invisible TV audience. “Okay, tell me this: what did you do the last time I sincerely monologued at you about how much you mean to me as a friend, hmm? No bits, no bullshit, just me telling you how much I love you and how amazing you are.”

A beat. “I'll hang up on you, Kwannie, don't test me.”

He barely resists the urge to shove his face into the bedspread and scream. “You're literally proving my point right now!”

“Kwannieeee,” you whine, because you know he's right.

“Also, because I'm never letting you live it down, I will remind you exactly what you did."

You say his name again, but it's muffled, and he assumes it's because you're hiding your face in shame.

“I gave you a sincere, heartfelt speech about how much your friendship has changed my life for the better and made me become a better person—” he ignores your wordless pterodactyl screech, “—and how do you respond? By staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights, slowly raising your arms to give me double finger guns, winking, and then slowly backing out of the room like an awkward mannequin!”

“...”

“Well?” He puts his free hand on his hip. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“… I’ve changed a lot since then.”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes before moving to continue packing his overnight bag. “It was literally three months ago.”

“Yeah, and? Doesn't change the fact that I've changed,” you assert.

“Into even more of a nuisance? Yes, you're absolutely right.” He smiles when he hears you scoff playfully.

“Listen here, Boo Seungkwan. You know that well-rested Y/n is ready to throw down with you at a moment's notice. What do you think sleep-deprived, zero-impulse-control Y/n is going to do the second you get to their front door?”

“Stop referring to themself in the third person, hopefully,” he mutters, finally zipping up his bag and heading to the door. “And then after that, they're going to let me bully them into resting.”

“Hmm. The council has heard your proposal, briefly pondered it, and deemed it “unnecessary” on the basis of: they're a bad bitch that can't be stopped by neither time nor physics nor any god of your choosing.”

Seungkwan scoffs as he puts the call on speaker and sits to put on his sneakers. “Well, “the council” can go fuck right off.”

“What if the council would like to fuck right on?”

Pausing in the middle of tying his laces, he blinks down at his phone. “I'm— what?”

“Okay, real talk, what do you think it would mean in this case? Like, would this be like a 'hop on' versus 'hop off' situation? Or more like an 'I'm down for this' versus 'I'm up for this' kinda situation? Because it would have very different outcomes depending.”

Seungkwan decides that this is a debate better left for another time. “I think it means that I'm going to be at your house soon and that if you're not in your pajamas with hot Sleepy Time tea and the series Planet Earth ready to go, there will be consequences.”

“Booooooo, you whore.”

He finishes tying his laces and jabs his finger at the phone. “Consequences, Y/n.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“See you soon, love you, bye.” He hangs up before you can get another word in, but doesn't move from his seated position in the entryway.

Slowly, he takes a deep breath in and lets it out, taking a moment to lean back on his hands while he stares at the back of his front door. Specifically, at the large collage of sticky notes and pictures and doodles that have taken up residence there.

A few of the notes are ones he's gotten from other members of your shared friend group over the years (the one from Chan that reads "if u eat my rice i'll eat ur kneecaps xoxo" hangs proudly in the center, right next to a picture of him sleeping that Seungkwan managed to capture from an extremely unflattering angle). But most of them are from you.

Dumb puns, meme references, bullshit animal facts you made up just to get him to laugh… almost all of them are stupid in that extremely charming way that only you somehow manage to pull off.

But the one he's staring at now is almost completely hidden by other notes and pictures that have been added to the collage. It's a pale blue, the ink starting to fade a bit with time — the first note you ever gave him, back when you two were just people who happened to sit next to each other in an astronomy class.

Even though most of it is hidden, he doesn't need to be able to see all the tiny words you crammed into the small space to already know exactly what it says.

how do u make a space party? u planet :P u looked sad today, hope this makes u feel a little better also if this is 2 forward feel free 2 pretend i don't exist. or punt me in2 the sun idk u'd be doing me a favor tbh

He'd almost skipped class that day because of how bad he'd been feeling, but he'd decided to try and push through. And before that day, neither of you had interacted with more than a polite greeting and the occasional question about the homework.

But then you'd passed him that note, and he'd passed one back that said “that's dumb. but thank you” with a smiley face, and you'd passed another one back that said “do u think lizard people have ever been to space?” and the rest, they say, is history.

Seungkwan shakes his head with a sigh before standing up and grabbing his bag and his keys, striding determinedly out the door. He's got a best friend to take care of.

Seungkwan should be at your place soon, and you're not quite sure what to do in the meantime.

You have your laptop hooked up to the monitor in the living room with Planet Earth queued up, you have the kettle filled with water and ready to go on the stove, and you have mugs and teabags ready on the counter next to it.

The Required Tasks™️ have been completed as much as possible without the arrival of your best friend, and now all that's left to do is wait.

Which, normally, you're not the worst at. You're excellent at entertaining yourself, actually, mostly because there's always something to think about. Whether it be about cute dogs that you've seen over the past week (I wonder if the pomeranian down the street will let me pet him next time), potential plot twists for the new fantasy drama you're a little bit obsessed with (what if Gregothy was cursed the whole time???), or generic ponderings of the human existence as a whole (do souls have the metaphysical equivalent of a fingerprint?), you're pretty much always thinking about something.

Which is totally fine and dandy and cool or whatever when you have the ability to, you know, shut it off. For example, when you need to do something simple and necessary like, oh I don't know, go the fuck to sleep.

You also hate when that manic mental energy somehow translates into kinetic energy as well. It makes you feel like a hamster in a cage, watching yourself running and running and running on that stupid wheel until you exhaust yourself.

Tonight's metaphorical wheel: stimming like wild in the kitchen. Flapping, rocking, (gently) slapping, making weird and fun mouth sounds, the whole shebang.

And again, normally stimming is fun. Stimming is great. But stimming because you feel like if you don't stop moving you're going to literally vibrate out of your skin is, to put it lightly, Not It.

It takes you about ten minutes to work out all of the energy until you no longer feel like your blood was replaced with pop rocks.

With a groan, you lower yourself to the kitchen floor and lay down face first. Because despite how exhausted you feel in every possible way, there's still something like an itch in your conscious, a fucking pea underneath the miles of mattresses that refuse to let you just. Fucking. Sleep.

Your pity party must've lasted longer than you realized (or, more likely, you dissociated for a hot second there) because suddenly someone's knocking at your door at the same time you get a text from Seungkwan.

And you know it's a text from Seungkwan specifically because you got Vernon to help you change your notification settings so that whenever Seungkwan texts you, the "i love you.. bitch" sound clip plays instead of a normal text tone.

For a fraction of a second, you contemplate slowly inching your way to the door like an uncoordinated caterpillar, but you swat the thought aside like you’re swatting a gnat and you awkwardly roll to your feet and make your way to your front door.

Without hesitating, you unlock the door, swinging it open with a flourish and sticking a finger right in Seungkwan's face before he can utter a single syllable, forcing him to cross his eyes.

You open your mouth wide like you're going to say something, pause for a moment, then tap your pointed finger to his nose with a quiet "boop."

He blinks, expression turning deadpan, and sighs. "I should have expected this, honestly."

“Yep!”

You let him into your apartment, and he makes himself right at home, mildly bitching at you as he goes to get the tea ready, and something within you shifts.

The inside of your head is still a bit of a dumpster fire, unfortunately, but inside your chest... something clicks into place that you're not sure that you're ready to name. Whatever it is, though, it's soft and warm and kinda feels like your heart is being hugged.

Smiling to yourself, you follow him into the kitchen.

💤 💤 💤 💤 💤

It was pretty much straight to “business” after that, and it only takes Seungkwan one cup of tea and two episodes listening to David Attenborough's dulcet narrations for him to knock right out, leaning heavily against your shoulder on the couch.

Which means it's now the perfect time to sit there and Admire Your Bro™️.

It's rare to see him so still, you think. He's an active guy, in pretty much every sense of the word, and you always feel a little honored when you get to be witness to his quiet, vulnerable moments like this one.

He looks so serene, face smoothed out and painted in soft twirling shades of blue from the screen of the monitor, though you can't see too much of it from this angle. Mostly you just see his cheeks and stupidly adorable button nose.

And you've seen the same thing a million times before — in all kinds of states and expressions — and despite how much you've tried to ignore it, each and every time you've caught yourself noticing just how cute Seungkwan is, it's caused that thing in your heart to scrunch up, full of the L-word feeling that you've kept unnamed for what feels like forever now.

Except, maybe that thing in your heart is tired of scrunching up. Maybe it's decided that it's tired of forever.

Maybe that thing has finally decided to burrow itself out of the walls you've built up because you find yourself finally allowing yourself to think, Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.

You don't realize that Seungkwan has completely stilled against you, but you certainly notice when he suddenly throws himself forward so he can turn around and stare at you incredulously. Only he overshoots a little bit and ends up falling off the couch with a squawk and a dramatic flail.

"Oh my god, Kwannie are you okay?!"

He stares at you from where he fell, wide-eyed like you've grown a second head or like the time you'd tried to convince him that birds weren't real and actually just a government conspiracy.

"Am— am I okay? No??"

Now it's your turn to move off of the couch, coming down to his level to see if maybe he hurt himself when he fell. "Fuck, okay, did you hit something? Do you need an icepack?"

Seungkwan being Not Okay is maybe one of the worst things that could ever happen in the entire universe and you're trying not to panic as you reach out to check for injuries.

"No, no, stop—" he bats away at your hands and you stop in your motions, now kneeling in front of him. "I'm not hurt!"

Your brain does the cartoonish screech thing as it comes to a halt, and you furrow your brows. "But.. you just said you're not okay?"

"I'm not!" His eyes are still wide in shock, but he also looks confused and maybe a little bit like he's about to cry?

Oh no. If he cries and it's somehow your fault (because it has to somehow be your fault) you think the world might actually end.

"Okay, uh. I am— confused,” you start, sure you must look as lost as you feel. “But, um, what can I do to help?"

He swallows, and a part of you realizes that he's looking at you with an expression you've never seen before. "Did you mean it?"

Knowing that it's significant but not yet knowing why, you maintain eye contact. "Mean what?"

"What you just said."

You blink. "...that I'm confused?"

He shakes his head. "No, before that."

You have a hard time remembering what you just said when you're not sleep-deprived and worried you've just somehow accidentally caused irreparable emotional damage to your best friend. "Uh... when I asked if you were okay?"

"No, fuck," and it's a shock for some reason, hearing him cuss right now. You hear him say much worse things all the time, but you think it might be the way he said it — with a kind of desperate vulnerability that you're not sure you've ever heard from him before.

That thing in your chest twinges and you think maybe you're the one who's gonna start crying.

He says your name like a plea, and then he's on his knees right in front of where you're kneeling on the floor, reaching forward to cup your face in his palms. "You said— Y/n, you said "holy shit I think I'm in love with you.””

Oh.

You're pretty sure your heart falls right out of your ass and bounces across the rug, judging from the way it comes to a dead stop. You blink at him. Full of new and sinking kind of dread, you whisper, "...I said that out loud?"

He laughs, but it's tinged with incredulity and sounds a little too close to a sob for comfort. "Yes! You did!"

And wait, no, your heart is still stuck in your chest, because you can feel it start pounding against your ribcage in double, triple, quadruple time. He must see the fear in your expression, because suddenly his eyes are narrowed in a determined scowl and he growls, "Oh no you don't."

Then you find yourself going down with a yelp as Seungkwan octopuses himself around you, trapping you within the confines of his surprisingly strong arms and legs as he basically tackles you to the floor.

You try and wiggle away even as you know it's useless, and he grits, "Y/n dammit, answer my question."

"Why were you even awake?” You deflect, getting an arm free and trying to give him a wedgie. “You were supposed to be asleep!"

"I was supposed to be asleep?!” He screeches, easily evading your reach and poking your ribs to get you to reflexively pull back your arm. “You're the one who hasn't slept in literal days! And stop avoiding my question!"

"No!" He has you trapped once again, and you resort to licking his arm.

"Oh my god!"

He muffles his scream into your shoulder, long and frustrated, and then he just... goes limp. He loosens his hold and just lets his full body weight kinda crush the parts of you he's ended up lying on and just... lays there.

This is your chance, you know — to wiggle free and escape and run away from your feelings just like you always have.

But, for some reason, you don't — that scrunched-up thing in your chest holds you back. You stay there, lying beneath Seungkwan on the floor of your living room at one-something in the morning, and the two of you just breathe.

"It's okay, you know," he murmurs after a moment, so quiet you barely hear him over David Attenborough still narrating softly in the background. "If you didn't mean it. It's okay."

Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.

And you realize how easy it would be to play it off, to blame it on the sleep deprivation, the way you blurted it out like that — to say (to lie) you meant it completely platonically, like the way you propose to Mingyu at least once a month when he cooks you all dinner.

And you also realize, quite shockingly, that despite how a part of you still desperately wants to run away, the larger part of you wants to stay. Doesn't want to run. Doesn't want to lie anymore.

You swallow heavily, briefly close your eyes, and take in a deep breath. "And if I did? Mean it?"

This time, you do notice when Seungkwan goes still. Slowly, he lifts his head so he can look you in the eyes.

When he doesn't say anything, just continues to look at you with an unreadable expression, you try to continue.

"Would you— would that— would it be okay? If I meant it? When I— when I said that I'm in love with you? Is— because um, like you said, it's okay if it's not, and uh—"

Your nervous rambling comes to a stop when he once again cups your face, but it's gentler than before, closer to a caress. The whole time you'd been talking he'd been slowly sitting up, and now he's on his knees next to where you're still lying down on the floor, looking down at you like all the hope in the world is somewhere to be found in your expression.

"Y/n." he says your name like it's something precious, and you feel the absurd urge to burst into tears. "It would be very okay." His thumbs make gentle arcs across your cheeks. "And just to be clear: you mean it in a non-platonic sense, right?” He chews on his lip. “Hopefully, in a very much romantic sense?"

Staring at him staring at you, eyes bright with hope and a little bit of wonder... you can only imagine you must be looking at him the same way. Your chest feels like it's full of helium but also like something warm and gooey is sloshing around in there. And all that hope and wonder and holy shit is this actually happening? is causing your tongue to stick to the roof of your mouth, and all you're able to get past your lips is a breathless, "Hopefully?"

"Oh my god," he groans in frustration, but it's light and airy and makes you think of amusement park rides and fairy lights and how you want to annoy the shit out of this man for the rest of his life, if he'll let you. He's shaking his head, smiling, beaming, and he asks, "Why can you never give me any kind of a straight answer, huh?"

"Because it's my life's purpose to be the bane of your existence until the day we die," you say, reaching up to hold his face too. "Also because I've never done anything straight ever in my life."

And then your body is moving before your brain can think it though, dragging him down until you can press your lips to his and finally, finally know what it's like to kiss Boo Seungkwan.

He makes a little noise of surprise, one that you can feel buzz against your lips before he melts into you. And oh, any thoughts you might have had are forcefully ejected from your brain because all you can focus on are his lips pressed to yours, the way they move slowly, gently, turning this chaste kiss into the most scorching experience of your life. His nose bumps against yours and the heat of his warm breath sends tingles throughout your body, and his hands, fuck, his hands are still holding you gently but also with a firmness that feels like he doesn't want to let you go.

And then he's pulling away, and you whine at him because this may be the cruelest thing he's ever done to you ever in your entire life. "Noooooo, why'd you stop?"

"Because, as much as I'd love to continue to make out with you on your floor while an old British man narrates about life on the Serengeti—” he mercifully ignores the way you choke on your spit at the way he talks about making out with you so nonchalantly "—it's past someone's bedtime."

Your mouth drops open in offended shock. Was he actually going to put you to bed like a child? Like you both hadn't just declared your romantic love for each other? "Are you fucking serious?"

He just stands up and crosses his arms, looking down at you with a single raised eyebrow. You take the part of you that finds it annoyingly attractive and promptly smother it, crossing your own arms from your position on the floor.

"I'm not a baby," you definitely don't pout.

"Hmmm...” And then the bastard fucking pouts at you. “But you're my baby."

You blink at him.

"Welp, that was nice while it lasted,” you grunt, rolling to your feet, “but I suddenly need to relocate to Antarctica and become a penguin herder.”

He pulls you into his arms with a laugh, and you let him, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

“You know,” he starts after he's held you for a few moments. “This isn't how I ever imagined how us confessing to each other would go.”

You snort.

“But also,” he continues, “it feels very 'us' doesn't it?”

"Yeah,” you murmur, not bothering to lift your head from his shoulder.

“Mmm, is someone finally sleepy?” he teases, starting to waddle you both towards your bedroom. “Did all the emotions finally wear you out?”

Instead of nodding, you lightly kick him in the shin and the sappy part of your brain that is currently in charge of everything thinks that his indignant squawk is one of your most favorite sounds.

The sappy part of your brain is right, of course, and when you wake up in your bed 15 hours later and accidentally smack him in the face, the urge to run is a little bit smaller than it was before. And the way he flushes bright red after you sleepily kiss him on the cheek is an image you're going to cherish until the day you die.

[seriousbrat]

let sirius (and james) be mean

Obviously in SWM both James and Sirius are atrocious towards Snape but I think it's pretty revealing how mean they also are to their best friends, especially Peter:

And while I think James possibly grew out of his mean girl phase to some extent Sirius didn't, at least not fully. To be fair he's usually not outright rude unless he dislikes someone-- mostly, he's dismissive or impatient especially when someone says something he perceives as stupid, as well as being overall insensitive to the feelings of others.

In the prequel they're both fairly insensitive and rude to two terrified Muggles lol, I mean who cares and it's funny but there are examples of Sirius being something of a mean girl later on as an adult. obviously, the famous one:

and yeah you can defend this by saying he was stuck in grimmauld place and frustrated, bla bla bla, I do get it and I still love him and don't think it makes him a terrible person or godfather but objectively this is an incredibly mean thing to say to Harry.

Other somewhat minor instances that nevertheless paint a wide picture:

OotP (I'm leaving out his interactions with Kreacher bc those are self evident)

-------

-------

he's also kind of dismissive towards Harry's feelings at certain points. A good example of this is the stiff "one-armed hug" and gruff goodbye he gives him when they leave for Hogwarts after christmas, or this earlier conversation:

Also, how he talks about Regulus. obviously it's somewhat justified since Sirius believes him to have just been a Death Eater, but he specifically calls Regulus stupid rather than just saying he was a bad person. This is interesting because it can be inferred that Regulus was not stupid at all, given that he figured out the secret of the Horcruxes. imo Sirius was too dismissive of his brother to actually know who he really was.

(and bonus him being snippy with Harry)

GoF

like this is probably true but it's still rude lol, as is this from OotP which has definite mean girl vibes:

next:

so this on its own doesn't seem especially mean but it does come after Sirius has basically dismissed every single thing that Ron has said lol, even raising his hand at one point to shut him up. It's not the worst but imo does indicate his impatience with "stupidity" which we also see in SWM:

and James has this too:

imo this shared feeling of superiority and mutual delight in their own intelligence were big factors in his closeness with james.

ALL THIS TO SAY, Sirius was mean lol ESPECIALLY as a teen. my rude scorpio child. So I think when writing teen Sirius it's an important part of his characterisation (and James's) for him not only to be rude/disdainful to people he hates but also just generally. It's also why it's extra ridiculous that he's portrayed as dumb in fanon seeing as he's very often dismissive and judgmental to those he perceives as being of lesser intelligence.

And this isn't a criticism of Sirius at all, I love him and tbh his mean streak is one of the things that make him so fun to write for me. He's a beloved character and I understand the desire to paint him in a positive light, but he wasn't perfect. As others have said the friendship between the Marauders wasn't something idyllic and aspirational, it's a warning story to Harry. Furthermore, kindness towards Kreacher being something that helps them find the Horcrux is also a lesson for Harry.

Sirius's insensitivity to the feelings of others was what got him killed, his insensitivity and disdain for peter led in part to James and Lily's deaths too. it doesn't make him a terrible person, just a flawed one.

[allwormdiet]

Agitation 3.11

The problems involving this motherfucking bank are no longer limited to the exterior of said motherfucking bank

It has to be fucking alarming for your power to stop working for you when you're so used to it as a part of yourself. Can't even imagine.

God the tension here is good. Amy's not much of a fighter, sure, not even compared to Taylor, but Taylor's making her feel like she's dying rn

Do people really paint Amy as some kind of suffering angel? Like I get that she's suffered, sure, she's a parahuman and the least-favorite child of New Wave and yadda yadda, but she's fucking mean. And honestly between her and her sister I get the impression that New Wave is uhh, not too big on treating criminals like they have human rights? Which isn't at all concerning when one of them is a lawyer.

...Man how do I get worse vibes off of New Wave than the Protectorate, I'm basically never on the side of government superheroes

You can't fool me Victoria Dallon, I know you practiced that landing

Also Jesus that's a lot of damage, couldn't you have just gone through one of the windows that broke already? Kid Win made that hole for nothing.

I know Amy doesn't do this (yet) but the fact that this is the first thing she threatens to do to a villain with a knife to her throat is fucking insane

Are the Dallons actually trained in hostage negotiation and conflict de-escalation? I hope they're not because otherwise I'd have a lot of really pressing and mean questions for their trainers

Also fucked up that Amy's threats involve destroying Taylor's sense of taste, giving her fatal diseases, or *checks notes* making her really really fat, what the hell girl

Hey Tattletale, love you Tattletale, please for the love of god be careful Tattletale

So people have written Tattletale and Glory Girl punching each other with their lips, right? If I'm picking up on some kismesis vibes there's no way other people haven't picked up kismesis vibes

(Sit. Stay. Good girl. Oh my god.)

Interesting that Tattletale seems willing to call Amy's bluff here, though I'm not sure how safe that is

Tattletale: you should know better than to make me monologue about something that'll help you

Glory Girl: yeah I know

Tattletale: but I'm gonna answer your question anyhow

Glory Girl:

Victoria continues to be a huge fucking nerd

Tattletale continues to be outrageously smug and also, tbh, isn't entirely wrong about the expectations of superpowers. She's lying like a rug of course but how should they know that?

Clever! And fucked up. And remarkably powerful on Amy's part, like holy shit. As if the cancer threat wasn't bad enough.

And all the while Tattletale is fucking up Panacea's play with nothing but a laser pointer, with GG too distracted by proving her wrong to realize it

Victoria what the fuck

I'm gonna try to be generous and chalk this up to being written in 2011, but hollllly shit this doesn't reflect well on the character or author

Current Thoughts

Okay so I'm not gonna dwell on the slur, much as I'd love to, let's just leave that one on the side

I find it fascinating that GG considers New Wave immune to the threat of dirty secrets, especially the part about "full transparency." We just saw her nearly kill a suspect on accident and then guilt trip Panacea into healing her to prevent a black mark on the team's record. Like maybe she theoretically believes that stuff as long as she doesn't think too hard about it, but this is absolutely hypocrisy on her part

Victoria and Amy both are just. Really showing their best selves in this arc. I'm not going to act like they're both monsters, they're not. As previously mentioned, they're teenagers in an extremely high-stress situation. Amy's got a knife to her throat and Victoria is extremely protective of her sister and they're facing down two relatively unknown villains on their own

...which I think just points more to the fact that they shouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Amy obviously didn't have much say about whether she'd be a hostage but she definitely didn't have to pick a fight with the villains who had lethally venomous spiders on all the hostages. Victoria, on the other hand, absolutely did not think about what she was doing before doing it, and punched a hole in the roof of what's probably an expensive-ass building in the doing. Is she gonna pay for that? Her millionaire boyfriend?

Next time: Tattletale proves she's the most dangerous Undersider, and nobody regrets this at all

[valkyrieblogs]

continuing my concurrent firefly wedding reread in both english and japanese! posting about chapters 6-9 this time. lots of character analysis and a few little translation things.

man i love how shinpei has been watching this whole time, but specifically waits until nitobe declares that he'll protect satoko that it sets shinpei off. like the way that it's just such an immediate follow-up to the conversation he had with her about how he's the only one who can protect her...

AND then the way that he specifically reacts and is about to attack nitobe when he reaches up to touch satoko's hands when she covers his eyes (to stop him from seeing shinpei)..... tbh with his declaration of him not wanting nitobe to lay a single finger on her, i'm surprised he wasn't going to attack him already when he took satoko's hands? but maybe he was only waiting because of the offer to buy her out, since that was part of their plan. it was just continuing to physically interact with satoko beyond that he couldn't abide...

lksjdgjlsj i get get over how childish he sounds too when he's begging satoko to let him stay in the room. something in particular about the way he's like, "i promise i won't kill him!!!" this dark thing paired him being a literal child about this. it's!!! genuinely something i find so interesting about him, the way that he's functioning as an assassin but feels so immature in so many ways. i really find it hard to imagine being raised with more regular socialization on the island, honestly? in a lot of areas...

absolutely dying at the fact that he wIPES SATOKO'S HANDS BECAUSE NITOBE TOUCHED THEM

aaaaaaa okay this line in english is "he's not the one who will protect you. it's me" but in japanese there's a stronger emphasis on it being shinpei's role/duty specifically to protect satoko, which i feel hearkens back to him being a tool for her to use

man the reveal with satoko's scar... i really wonder exactly the type of surgery she had. some kind of open heart surgery, but to achieve what, i wonder. in general i really need to refresh myself on the symptoms she would have... i have a lot of serious health problems myself, so i really enjoy writing disabled characters, and would want to do her justice.

but god the way that nitobe manages to really cut right at satoko in this scene. calling the scar ugly, then calling it fatal to a woman to have such an ugly scar... talking about the way it would make a man feel to look at it.

actually, i'm thinking about the way that satoko tries her best to present herself and carry herself with such dignity (particularly before coming to the island), and i wonder if that's partially out of compensating for how her body makes her feel. not just in terms of symptoms (or how she feels like a burden), but the indelible mark. the scar, but even her being unhappy when shinpei comments on how light she is (because for her it's a sign of bad health). being sick, and particularly being that sick, really can make you feel disgusting to others.

thinking about the differing priorities when nitobe agrees to buy satoko out versus when shinpei agrees to marry her. nitobe (at least his other personality) is exclusively focused on her connections to kirigaya house and her looks. right from the get-go shinpei (even before he seems genuinely attracted to satoko) only agrees after he sees her as accepting who he is on some level, and is not interested in the connections (or money) at all.

hm. small translation thing here. in english nitobe talks about the problem prostitutes at the brothel that satoko is at, and he says, "women with a man in their hearts." but in japanese he's actually referring to women who planned on participating in a double suicide with a man who was already married. not sure why that part got cut out of the english translation.

godddd okay the way that he's referring to satoko too when he says "defective merchandise", and the way it just reduces her to an object again. something to be bartered and traded. unpersoned.

okay i do also love that in this situation she's technically found a man who suits the criteria she has to appease her father (good title), she's decided she won't settle for this even if she doesn't have a choice. even if this is her only way off the island. it's!! a good moment of satoko finally choosing something for herself. there's also really something about her still having the guts to refuse him despite being threatened with sexual assault in this scene. being in this impossible situation and yet still refusing to back down from her ideals. there's a lot going on with her autonomy but she's really strong-willed in this scene... and again, her making this choice despite the coercion.

it's also interesting to me that her criteria is so focused on title to offset her so-called burden to the family, but her father himself sounds like... he mostly just wants her to be happy? it sounds like it's satoko who, out of obligation, feels she has to raise the bar for who is acceptable...

but then, in the next line of thought she has to herself, she's still phrasing it as though her father wouldn't be happy with this!! rather than satoko, herself!! and that's when she doubles down refusing nitobe!! aaaaaaa the way she is so ruled by her perceived debt to her father... i can appreciate why she is the way she is, but there's something about the way she just won't allow herself to make decisions just for her own sake. satoko!!!!

GODDDD and the way that he says that she's the most defective merchandise of them all by virtue of being ill.

honestly kind of amazed that shinpei managed to stay away from the scene for even this long. i do love that he only did stay away for as long as he did because she commanded it; something something the way that he feels like an attack dog with her and it's so good. (a poorly-trained one at this point as he does not listen to her when he continues trying to kill nitobe.)

mannnn i honestly love the way that shinpei specifically refers to satoko as his wife here. the uncontested claim on her as his just feels like such a power play against nitobe. plus also just, the re-assertion of his relationship with satoko in the face of what he's seeing play out in front of him. (particularly some other man trying to make claims on her.)

mannn the way that after shinpei gets shot, nitobe makes a threat to kill satoko if shinpei gets any closer, but that doesn't stop her from trying to struggle out of his grasp to reach shinpei!!!! the way that it's like... yes her moving closer to shinpei is not necessarily part of nitobe's threat, but her life is the one being threatened? but she is so much more concerned about shinpei's life rather than her own. despite this!! being a person who she has a really complicated relationship with. the way that in many ways she continues to be so willing to prioritize others before herself... even the way she values her own life is more to do with the potential value of it for other people (her father), rather than for herself.

actually, i think this scene might be the first time she actually uses shinpei's name? before she usually uses あの人 (that person/that man) or 殺し屋 (killer)...

god, after shinpei gets shot and it switches to the brothel owner talking to one of the employees... i love how unclear it is who exactly said not to go into nitobe's room no matter what until you see the shot of shinpei standing back up. that while he didn't orchestrate it, he was anticipating a situation like this in which he could prove his usefulness. that he could protect satoko again and make her love him more... it's also clear because of the calm of the brothel owner. he knows shinpei and knows that he can protect people. i think if nitobe requested it he wouldn't be so calm.

losing my mind at this entire page, honestly. like. not to say that shinpei is playing up the pain of being shot. but somehow he is managing to play up the pain from getting shot. JUST TO GET SATOKO'S ATTENTION AND TO PROVE HIS LOVE FOR HER. and again throwing around that he's her husband!! making these very strong claims to satoko being his wife!! god the way he also emphasizes just how far he'll go. i don't necessarily think he got shot on purpose here, but i absolutely think he would get himself injured on purpose if it would get her attention and affection. because that proves how far he would go for her, right? and her doting on him in return would be a confirmation of her affections for him. the way there is just so much potential for it to create this violent feedback loop to get satoko's affections...

GODDDD this scene where he talks about doing everything for satoko. also how it confirms that he was SPECIFICALLY waiting for satoko to make up her mind about whether or not to have her freedom bought!! it's especially interesting to me the way he was erring on satoko rejecting this guy no matter what. (because she has him, obviously. because he already was beginning to object to this.) but it also means he was watching what was happening and was waiting until he heard that confirmation, even through nitobe starting to undress her, degrading her... i can only imagine what he was thinking at that time.

but also just!!! the way that he's proving his love to her through his actions and inactions. i love how he also includes that he didn't try to kill nitobe, even though he very much seemed like he was continuing to try and kill nitobe. (it's very possible he could have continued even without satoko getting out of the way.) he's so!!!! attack dog here it's incredible. the loyalty he tries to display through it all.

also GOD i love how satoko does not lose sight of the situation at hand despite everything and manages to wrangle the gun from nitobe. love her not just being a damsel in this scene despite everything. how she still manages to have agency throughout and isn't saved just by shinpei, but also through her own actions.

the way that realizing she hit shinpei hard enough to make him bleed sends satoko into a panic, but he immediately switches modes so he can be pampered by her...

i also love him bringing up her using the handkerchief again, as if making a reference to the first time she wiped the blood from his face... also the way that he makes a bigger deal of this little wound (possibly for this reason and the attention to his face) moreso than the gunshot wound he very much has...

and i love how she indulges him anyway.

i also love how his plan to get satoko to like him more also backfires completely!! her flatly telling him that it didn't work!! but that then she clarifies—it's not that it didn't make her like him more, but she takes issue with his methods. i love her very clearly laying out that while he helped her, doing this in this way did not make her happy. it's interesting also that she says this is the case not just for when he's doing something for her, but for anyone. which puts interesting limitations on his job as a killer! if he wants to make her happy, he essentially cannot continue doing what he does.

this is a really interesting scene where she is recognizing the culture he's grown up in and works in, and attempts to teach him these absolute basics for interactions, like "hitting people is bad" (also consider not killing them). it again makes me think back to the fact that his mother died when he was really young, and the first person he killed was the person who killed her. the way he grew up without being socialized like other people might be...

i like how shinpei does seem to really be listening in this scene, but he's especially affected by when she shifts focus to how he should conduct himself when he's injured. he's so full of scars that i doubt anyone has ever been really concerned for him before. especially when we see how everyone else broadly acts like he's unkillable and takes him for granted.

i love him immediately hooking into that and asking her if that means she doesn't want him to die, and then her absolutely refusing to answer. it's not something worth answering to her, but to him it's again that confirmation of her affections if she says no... or frankly it might be a confirmation of her affections even if she says yes if it's to die for her. he's so!!!!! ........lonely, i guess.

even though we see how other people act with him, it's like... okay he's a killer for hire, so in that context he's a tool. he's prized for that and nothing else. the brothels and prostitutes like him because he keeps the prostitutes safe. it's again a transaction and an extension of his ability to be a weapon. he does have relationships, but we see that they're shallow. in particular with the one prostitute, he even says how she never meant anything to him. he just has sex with her. he says what people want to hear in a relationship because that's what's expected (to get what you want). again, a transaction. we also know he's had to kill women who can't handle what he does for a living when he tries to tell them. it just doesn't sound like he's had any kind of a relationship with anyone that goes beyond a transaction of some kind, or where he can just be... himself? rather than a version of himself he creates for other people. interestingly, the version of himself as a killer is probably truest to who he is, because then at least he has nothing to hide. so it makes sense that meeting satoko while he was already operating in that mode created the best opportunity to actually connect with him... and all of this explains why being accepted by someone is so important to him.

and again, how he's lonely. it's no wonder he's so desperate for satoko's affections and why no one else will do.

goddd this scene where she shows shinpei her scar. of her own volition, also!!! but i love that it's a thing she's been sensitive of her whole life, and how the scene with nitobe was so mortifying and awful, only for shinpei to try and cheer her up by comparing with the scars on his own body... and then satoko who is SO private and who get so shy about her body actually shows it to him. it's so good.

satoko coughing up blood. god i wonder when the reality of the severity of satoko's illness is going to hit him. when he made light of it before now...

love satoko also being referred to as a tool by her step-mother... the way that both satoko and shinpei experience this.

thinking about satoko very consciously choosing to share something personal with shinpei when she tells him about her nightmare, and about how she grew up with her health.

godddd the line about setting satoko free. the way it's both about making her feel like she's not just trapped in a room (by bringing the outside in) but also makes her sound like those same fireflies he just released.

i love how this scene also seems to be where she starts thinking much more favourably about shinpei.

the way that after the firefly dies on shinpei's fingers, again satoko ends up relating to the fireflies with their short lives and releases them, so at least they don't have to be trapped in this room like she does... i love the way she keeps relating to these things with short lifespans.

man this is such an interesting line. "without killing, i'd have nothing left." in japanese it's like... "if you take killing away from me, i'd have nothing left." it's not like the meaning is dramatically different, but i feel like it emphasizes that there is something about the action of killing that is at his core of who he is. which... again, i think, shows how important it was that he specifically met satoko when he was already in that mode as a killer. it really is who he sees as his true self...

and then shinpei asking satoko about what she really wants... i think it's interesting that she dodges the question and redirects to ask more about shinpei, again going back to working as a killer.

i also really like that he brings up how he doesn't have any attachment to the island. it's no wonder that satoko nails him on wanting to escape.

god this whole convo is so interesting. shinpei talking about it felt good to kill the man who killed his mother. it's honestly hard to judge how he really feels about things, but it does sound to him like... killing is one of his few pleasures? i always imagine the things he enjoys in life feel really... transient. killing, for one. having sex. shallow relationships... it all feels really... catered to physical desire, i guess? all of it visceral. i keep trying to picture more of shinpei's life on the island, but it's difficult.

and then this part where he asks if satoko thinks he's pathetic. in english, afterwards, he says, "if so, then comfort me." in japanese it's more or less the same, just slightly more direct. "if so, then i want you to comfort me!" voicing a want, not a command.

and then this part where satoko accuses him of fooling himself. god she's so intuitive about these things. he really does always play up these things, or even when it seems like he's taking it more seriously, he shifts into that playful mode again so he doesn't have to address how he actually feels about anything... he really is unhappy.

and then this line!! about becoming free and escaping together!!! god.

i love how satoko's gotten so much more comfortable physically with shinpei... again, she's so sensitive about these things, and she's had so little experience interacting with men. but in this scene she even offers to help him with his bandages (knowing that he's playing up that they're difficult), in part because she wants to reward him somehow for what he does for her... it's such a contrast to the bath scene earlier on.

satoko asking him if there's anything else she can do... it's interesting how she's still strongly in this transactional mindset. to me it feels again like it's an extension of how all her life she's felt like she's a burden to people, so she has to make up for this somehow... i love how in shinpei saying he doesn't need anything in return, it has the potential to make their relationship stop being (so) transactional? obviously they still want things from each other, but i think it still introduces the potential of a different relationship dynamic than satoko has typically known. i think at this point material things are still what she's most comfortable with, and that's obviously the case because she still agrees to bandage him if he gets injured again.

i also love her knowing that he absolutely WOULD get himself injured on purpose for her attention, and immediately tells him to not let himself get injured. SHINPEI...

YES, THIS!!!! being a burden. exactly. god the way she thinks so lowly of herself. always searching for something to be of value to others... in japanese it doesn't use "burden" here specifically so much as feeling like she'll become... troublesome? but the intent is still the same.

goddd the way that this feels like an indirect answer to satoko's fears about not being able to do enough for shinpei.

man this line where shinpei talks about how all the girls he's carried like being called light, and it suddenly clicks for her that this is a thing he Just Says. i think it stands out to her especially because of her health, being light is tied to being unhealthy. but also shinpei's emphasis on how he's said this to so many girls...

and then this part where she realizes shinpei doesn't love her, not really. that he would be happy with anyone who accepted him... he might want her love, but his understanding of his own love is incorrect. i really, strongly feel like he just doesn't have the framework to understand it (yet), in large part because of how he was socialized.

goddd satoko asking if he even understands love. the way she links his lack of understanding of love with his being a killer. in her thoughts she's acknowledging how these things are absurd, and it's clear that she's panicking like this specifically because she's realized that shinpei doesn't actually love her like he thinks he does. and it's clearly actually upsetting to her to realize this. she was starting to like his love for her. only to understand it isn't what she thought it was...

the way that satoko cannot answer what love is when pressed by shinpei. the way she continues to panic because she realizes that she also doesn't have a good understanding of love. that all her life love has never been a priority, never something she had to consider in a marriage...

god and shinpei not understanding why she's upset. i really wonder how much of this part of the conversation he followed, particularly because of her jumbled accusations... i do feel like at the heart of it that she's correct: he does not love her like he thinks he does. he wants to be accepted. he wants to be loved by satoko. he certainly wants her love and wants to be used by her. but what he feels towards her isn't love yet. i feel like she just got a taste of him going through the motions of saying what girls want to hear and now it all just feels fake to her. so it really does feel like he has to prove himself all over again to her...

THE WAY HE GETS so insecure and upset so instantly AGAIN once she makes a threat to the marriage. again resorting to making her feel guilty, to threatening to kill her after all—

god it's so fascinating to me. like. again. i really do firmly believe he doesn't have a proper conception of what most people would consider love. but at the same time he's still so needy for her affections, of being used by her (so that he has value to her), the promise of a life that has something better... he's obviously trying his best to manipulate her here, but you also feel the sheer desperation he feels at the idea of having that taken away from him.

and satoko doesn't buy it. i love that she's in close quarters with this assassin who could effortlessly kill her and she just brushes him off. it makes their dynamic feel much more equal!! and again, like she's still calling the shots despite everything. that she still has agency. and it works!! he leaves her. because of course he'll still obey her. and it does kick him out of his tantrum, and make him feel like maybe the reason she's not answering him properly is because she has to rest first. but he's still clearly stressing over it and feeling rejected.

also trying to understand shinpei's perspective on what love is. love is being a weapon? love is being used by the person you love. love is saying whatever the person you love wants to hear. love is being willing to kill for the person you love. love is being willing to do anything to protect the person you love. love cannot be separated from being a weapon.

also god i hit the image limit on this somehow ljskdgljlj so many thoughts about these chapters. i wrote a lot but genuinely if anyone has differing perspectives or anything to add i am so happy to hear it and talk about it

[kitkinnie]

some of my kintype's behaviors for fun!

using my head to let people know i love them (putting my head against their chest or shoulder) -> cat headbonks

stretching (i need to do this more often but i don't currently really have the space.. when i move out i wanna try stretching more frequently) -> moekka and cat behaviors

joking/saying things robotically ("directive fulfilled"/"quest complete" when i finish a task or get something for someone, "nutrients aquired" when i make myself food, etc.) -> alien and robot behavior

big tail lashing when annoyed -> moekka, cat, leviathan, AND dragon behavior! no wagging here

tail tip twitching when excited/happy -> moekka and cat behavior

wing shimmying/ruffling (ambient/idle behavior) -> moekka, bird, and dragon behavior

wiggling fingers/doing "claw hands" (to achieve the feeling of having or unsheathing claws/talons) -> moekka, cat, leviathan, and dragon behavior

involuntary smiling when upset/being prone to hysteria/manic laughter -> im sorry but. chara coded (this is one of the things that made me consider chara as one of my kins since that's a behavior we share)

the entire moekka ear emoting guide i made can go here too. this is what my ears do

fins flaring out when aggressive -> dragon and leviathan behavior

snarling/showing fangs(i dont have actual fangs. tragic) when angry/aggressive -> moekka, dragon, leviathan, cat, werewolf, and cryptid behavior

snorting/exhaling through nose or sighing when angry/annoyed (steam is supposed to come out) -> dragon behavior

bouncing/doing weird little high steppies when excited -> moekka behavior (i don't do this irl much because my leg anatomy is tragically not suited for it but. steppies !)

purring (something i can't do irl, at least not comfortably/real-ly) -> moekka, cat, and dragon behavior

thinking in concepts/pictures rather than words and having to translate my thoughts into cohesive english on the fly -> cryptid/alien/robot behavior, generally giving a "not human" vibe. kind of annoying when im trying to explain myself quickly and concisely tbh

being sooo sleepy all the time (/slight exag but im a pro at napping) -> cat and dragon behavior. these guys love to sleep

avoiding direct sun (i get sooo hot and sweaty in the summer i cannot handle the heat) -> its giving vampire (i get teasingly called one all the time since i always wear black and dont go in the sun. im also super pale) but in reality, its cryptid behavior babey!

squatting on things/perching/sitting up high/not sitting on furniture correctly -> cat/moekka/dragon/bird/cryptid behavior. also the autism . i always wanna be sitting on stuff like a gargoyle

walking on tiptoes -> MOEKKA BEHAVIOR !!! i miss my digitigrade legs so bad

climbing up high (i never learned how to climb things and im not physically strong enough to either... it scares me because i dont have the parts i need to climb properly but) -> dragon/cat/moekka behavior

eating fruit and meat -> moekka, dragon, leviathan, and bird behavior. i like bread and rice n.. carbs. a lot irl but its not a part of many of my kintypes' diet

being in the water in general -> leviathan and dragon kin. i dont actually know how to swim (ashamed) but i know id be so good at it if i had my big tails and dragon wings or leviathan fins to propel me. i need to be zooming . and also be resistant to salt water. i prefer pools

flyingggg -> dragon/moekka/bird (i miss flying so bad. i wanna fly i wanna be in the air and sleep on clouds and zoom right over the water)

collecting things, picking up rocks, not being afraid to handle/deal with bugs -> bird brain . some dragon and leviathan in there too (my biggest collections are plushies, pokemon cards, and keychains/pins, and my mom literally calls me outside the apartment for mantis duty. recently we've been getting praying mantises in the hallway so theres a cup and piece of paper outside that i keep there and use to pick them up and throw them out the window)

that's all i can think of for right now but you guys should totally send me asks about my kintypes .. talking about them (especially the ones that aren't real) helps me connect to them more n also i get to share stuff i made up like for leviathans and moekkas :]

[violettkoala]

This is going to be long as hell because I need to rant lol.

I've been trying to think why this whole situation with Riize is stressing me so much since I didn't really ever considered myself a briize, and the conclusion is that is it unfair. The whole thing is too unfair.

I truly believe Sunghan won't come back. I would be happy as hell if he did but given how fucking psychotic and batshit crazy those OT6 k-briizes are, I don't see how he would want to come back to that environment. Even if the rest of the members want him to come back, which I am sure they do.

I now truly believe that that pussy ass bitch of a company that is SM never intended for him to return and decided to announce his return as a distraction from what is happening with T**il and they just wanted to see if the Korean fans would complain or not. And as soon as they started complaining, they made him leave the group. The fact that the members were clearly excited for Sunghan to return, and the fact that everyone could see how distressed they were at the airport. It hurts. And I genuinely don't know how any of the 7 members will heal from this and trust those so-called "fans".

Sadly SM, and other companies tbh, don't care about international fans, they never did, and they never will. They just see us as a way to make more money. So as happy as I am to see all the international fans, not only briizes but K-pop fans in general, demanding his return. I don't think it will ever happen.

At least Seunghan can somewhat move on from this and heal. But the other members, knowing that they have to deal with that fandom that will hunt them down for literally anything they do (I've heard that they are going for Eunseok now for god knows what reason) I actually feel bad for them. Having to see those fans in person and pretend like everything is fine like Seunghan was never part of the group. It is all so fucked up tbh. and the whole reason is that SM is incapable of handling these types of situations, they are so bad at it that it's actually baffling. How they can create the best kpop groups and yet treat them like utter shit, They've done it with every single group they've debuted.

Honestly, the whole kpop in general has become a shitshow and it's not enjoyable anymore.

So yeah, I hope the international fans and the seven members heal from this in some way. But as optimistic as I want to be, I don't think things will get any better.

And for those Korean ot6 stans that were sending death threats to Seunghan, I truly hope that once their frontal lobe fully develops and realize the magnitude of their actions, they will find the nearest wall and hit their head on over and over again.

[tabithatwo]

Lowkey imagine the breaking my silence meme bc it feels real for this sentiment but I don’t want to add it here okay? Are you ready? Are you prepared for me to maybe piss you off a little idk how this will be received so just keep an open mind (or don’t I can’t control the gates of your brain I guess but at least I’ve warned you!!)

I think the fact that the two main ways of categorizing jackie taylor are, when boiled down to their simplest terms,

(1) popular mean girl who is a selfish bitch who I hate

(2) loser girl failure who isn’t actually popular or talented who I love

is ummmm sort of telling.

Like. Stay with me. I’m not hating on anyone. Actually, if you’re in group one I am hating on you a little tbh and you can clock out early and start sending me that hate anon now lmao cause this post isn’t really about you. But group two! stay with me for a minute because I get you! I really do! But I want to challenge that thinking and sort of examine it.

Why do we need to twist jackie into something else to like her? Like, if you see jackie as kind and loving and generally just a teenage girl trying to do her best, right? Why then do parts of her have to be “explained away” to a degree? She’s the striker and captain of a nationals bound team. Why does she have to not be a successful athlete to align with the sweetness that you see in her? Yes, coach martinez tells her she isn’t the best on the team, but we see how they treat allie who isn’t actually up to par. There’s nothing to indicate that jackie isn’t very good. Why does she actually have to be friendless besides shauna? Yes, it’s clear those two are codependent and mostly attached at the hip, but in the pilot we aren’t given reason to think that jackie is some friendless unliked girl. She’s socializing with different people and they seem to like her plenty. When she lines the team up yeah, there’s eye rolling, but they listen to her and they seem to mostly take her compliments fondly. She’s homecoming queen, that’s decided on by people voting you in and, generally speaking, you have to be liked and known by a lot of people for that to happen (again if you’re someone who thinks she’s an evil manipulative bitch somehow, this isn’t directed at you lmao).

Why can’t a girl be pretty and decently popular and talented at her sport and be kind and lovable? Why do we see a girl like jackie and need her to be secretly bad at that shit and not widely liked to find her palatable?

Like (1) girl is either truly pretty and popular and talented, so she’s a bitch OR (2) girl is sweet, so she can’t actually be pretty and popular and talented.

That’s the formula we’re fed constantly and I’m really tired of it cause it’s rebranded misogyny that we internalize and accidentally project onto the world tbh and I’m guilty of that in ways, like I’ve been there!!!

But idk. Yeah, Jackie is awkward at times and not good at popping deer tendons and embarrassingly earnest and a lot of other things along those lines!! But you can be all those things and still be everything else she is y’know? That’s sort of my whole point.

Anyway, let girls be good at things without that making them a bitch is what I’m getting at, I guess. Because I see a lot of people defend jackie from the “she’s a mean bitch” hate by saying “no she’s not, she’s literally got one friend and she’s not even good at soccer.”

And it’s like WELL idk about that!! And even if that was true, why is THAT the automatic defense against someone calling her a bitch?? Why are those two things so heavily equated and not even viewed as a logical leap? Why is the defense not to bring up all the kind loving things we see her do, but to chip away at the traits that she possesses that we are trained to find obnoxious or hateable in women, but aren’t fucking innately bad?

Anyway just a thought! I don’t hate anyone for making a joke about girlfailure jackie okay! Some of those are so funny and legit but it’s an overall trend I’m discussing! And like the idea that to be a girlfailure in the ways that she is, she must also be not well liked and bad at the shit she loves! Just an observation! <3 <3 <3

[itsabouttimex2]

I been kinda busy so I'm late to the party but i came back to fulfill my duty of rambling about ABNJ. I hope your sister's recover is going (or already went) well. Gonna try to make this one brief since i see i have a lot of posts to catch up to!

- the whole moment with indirect declaration of love is so good and the insight into Macaques thoughts is really nice! Seeing characters thoughts and generally introspections is one of my fav things in writing tbh

- a vulnerable moment followed up by a shove. Is it just excitement to give them the clothes or some form of guilt?? Both maybe (This is probably overinterpration so in that case ignore it)

- flower symbolism my beloved <333 roses sprouting showing how Macaque starts to feel loved and Y/n is one taking care of them. (i didn't see them mentioned in fourth part but there is a big chance i could be misremembering. Did Rumble and Savage plant them? 👀). Also Dahlias and Tansies being in bloom emphasizing already negative feelings that exist in Macaque.

- are Savage and Rumble going after MK?? Hopefully they will just steal his phone or something because i doubt they would be on the winning side in actual physical fight with him.

That's all from me for now! At this point i should make account for commenting so i don't spam your askbox. Thank you for the work you put in and have fun watching season 5! Remember to stay hydrated! :]

I always love to hear your thoughts on A Brand New Journey! I intend to put out Part Seven soon- and I’m sorry that they take so long!

Ok, so a big part in general of this chosen route- Fatherly!Macaque as your mentor, that is- was literally built around this note that I’ve been sitting on for a while:

“Macaque has no one. Not since Wukong. Probably no one before that, and barely anyone afterwards. He has no family. He has no friends. Macaque is alone.

His own “Sworn Brothers” didn’t like him. Note that he has zero interactions with the Brotherhood outside of Wukong and Peng! Note that not even one of them calls him “brother”! They didn’t care about him!

Wukong wasn’t the most understanding of individuals, and Macaque ended up acting as a blind enabler instead of a friend. Together, hand in hand, they ruined probably the only genuine friendship either one had at that point.

Wukong found people who helped him grow. Macaque refused to leave the side of people who didn’t care for him, even if he wanted to at least hear out Wukong. Good influences and bad, one simian with a brash will to change and the other too cowardly to even run.

They deviated further from one another- fatally, this time.

Centuries spent dead and alone.

Then he’s back.

After so very long, Macaque is returned to life.

And he finds someone. And that someone cares enough to share their food, to share his home, to share their time, to share memories and warmth and company.

Macaque finds someone who cares about him, and he cares right back, so deeply that his feelings threaten to swallow him..

And then, for the very first time in all of his many centuries-

Macaque gets an “I love you”.

Who wouldn’t that break?

And then Macaque has himself a little internal monologue (signified by paragraphs and unflattering descriptions of himself) about how he views himself as a monster and doesn’t deserve Y/N…

And then justifies his actions by internally declaring himself a “villain” and pushing his cherished student away. But he also spends the rest of the chapter grabbing and pushing and pulling- because this is his kid, and he loves them (gods above, how he loves them!) so much that he doesn’t want to let go.

Y/N planted the roses themself, actually- roses symbolize fatherhood- they’re the official flower of Father’s Day, even! The tansies and dahlias are in bloom- this time with Macaque’s negative feelings towards himself!

Rumble and Savage aren’t going to do anything too bold without permission… but they are getting very antsy about all of this.

As always, thank you for the comments! I adore you sharing your thoughts with me!

[strawberryicemoon]

Re: Della - It’s wild how Scrooge has a giant secret room dedicated to Della, all of which meant nothing. One of the first things that we learn about Della from Selene is that “she makes everyone around her better.” But when she gets home, she doesn’t really do that? She’ll help people from time to time, but she seems to be better at making people worse than better. Which - again - could be a point about how the hero may not live up to myth! But why is Della so drastically different?

Exactly!

Now to be fair for the "makes everyone better" it could have very easily been a case of she's not in an emotionally healthy position to do that. Because she's needlessly immaturely petty about Launchpad. Which I get it, it's a kids show. Adults acting childish is somewhat of a joke.

There are dozens of ways I think they could have better meshed the two Della's. If we had literally had any character call out that she's not herself, that the moon trip changed her, or any of the triplets acknowledge their mother isn't quite what they thought I think it would have done a world of good for the plot line.

I don't think it would have really been enough, because there were issues present in Della's proper debut actually (I can't get over the fact her sketching the spear of Selene was a plot point, and then she's bad at art and her attempts at rebuilding the spear were laughable. She's good at seeing the angles... except the only thing she correctly predicted was Penny being her friend, and that almost felt like they forced it in there to be like "look, she's like Louie too", instead of actually making her like Louie.

Which that said I think it would be really interesting if Della was good with people. That's what she brought to the first trio. Scrooge is Scrooge and no one can understand Donald. That's the impression I got, and then her social skills are rusty and she's hurt so she's struggling to connect. But we don't see that. She's kind of treated like a child. When I mentioned canon Della doesn't bring anything to the table besides "can fly without crashing", I feel like this socialness could have been something. Especially since the family fell apart in her absence. I wanted guilt over that and the show just brushed over it and Della acts like there isn't anything wrong with her family either.

I wonder if part of it was disney's insistence on focusing more on the kids. Because the creators often noted how disney kept wanting them to focus on the kids and not the adults so much like Fenton and Scrooge. And so the creators used up all their "adult" time on other characters. But, this might be a hot take, but I do wish they did focus more on the kids. I'm just a kids antics enjoyer tbh, so for once I think I'm kind of on the exec side. All of my favorite episodes have either the kids prominently featured, (or Della). I think we should have focused a bit more on just the main family. It's a large family as is, with plenty of room to bounce off each other, and the multigenerational layers are important to it. While Donald and Della aren't kids, skipping one of the generations most of the time, despite all the hype they gave to Della, I don't think was it.

I think Ducktales in general as a show is the kind of kitchen sink nonsense that needs at least 80 episodes to have all that stuff without being crowded. They were trying to squeeze in stuff from too many sources. They got too greedy with references and their cast. I like basically all of the characters. But when they can't even get the McDuck family tree straight, I think they needed to narrow their focus. If Disney was willing to commit to a 90+ episode series that was one thing. But this is Disney. And it ended up boiling their characters down to their bare bones, most humorous traits a lot of the time. It's like they flanderized Della before they even established her. I think its why I generally liked Quack Pack. The exaggeration felt purposeful, and the family was in a house being themselves.

But I think another part of why Della was different was the fact that the show didn't mostly didn't know how to follow up on the things they built up. So they just didn't. Like, Lena not getting mentioned for a while, or Della finding out about the estrangement off screen apparently (but iirc there's nothing actually in the show that implies she knows at all). Or Lena being adopted by Violet's family. They just didn't answer. It's weird that Webby didn't ask about her parents until the final episode despite being in a household full of mysteries (or that none of the boys asked her). It really makes the hand of the author obvious, and takes away from how alive the characters and world is when things are clearly only happening or shown if they are funny, or important to this episode plot. I think if we had narrowed the focus to the McDuck family, the writers may have at least thought about the continuity of the families lives a bit more. I think it part of what made the first season better, they had time and trust that they would follow up at that point, and the cast hadn't become bloated.

All that said they could have just made Della keep the traits they implied she had. Or not implied she had those traits at all.

[variabels]

I really want to know what happening with Kaiser now… what’d he do?? 👀

Oops, this got kinda long. I put a tl;dr: at the end.

In the present time, Kaiser's been nothing but abusive towards this guy called Ness (throwing a drink at him, verbally abusing him, etc...) and hasn't shown even a hint of guilt. To say their relationship is toxic would be an understatement, it is not on the same tier as the other toxic relationships showcased in the manga, like it's straight-up undeniably abusive but some people were kinda ignoring that last part, so they got hit hard by what was shown in the leaks today.

A while back, Ness' backstory was revealed where it was shown how he met Kaiser (one thing to note is that this was Ness' POV). Kaiser chooses Ness to play with him since he thinks everyone else seems bad but Ness has potential. Later on in the flashback, it seemed that they used to have a normal friendship at least from Ness' POV.

Last chapter, it was revealed that Kaiser's father was abusing him as a child and the fandom felt bad for him. While it wasn't taken as an excuse as to why he abuses Ness, it is an explanation as to where his abusive mannerisms come from. I personally assumed that Kaiser's friendship with Ness had soured at some point and he became abusive towards him because cycle of abuse shenanigans etc... The general agreement in the fandom was that they at least had a genuine normal friendship at some point.

In the new leaks, plot twist, Kaiser was just using Ness all along and nothing seems to indicate he ever even viewed Ness as a friend. It turns out Kaiser only feels good by hurting others (never got love as a child so he can't accept kindness, that kinda deal) and he even studied psychology so he could manipulate someone into being his dog.

The same flashback from Ness' backstory is shown but from Kaiser's POV where we learn he chose Ness because he seemed easy to manipulate in addition to being good at football.

It paints the previous flashbacks showing them as friends in a whole new light when you know Kaiser thought of him as a dog and "opened up" to him to manipulate him (one thing to note is that Kaiser never actually said much about his past to Ness as in hindsight it was about as general as a horoscope...). It pretty much turned all the evidence of Kaiser once seeing Ness as a friend into evidence that Kaiser was manipulating Ness all along.

From what I've seen, this twist upset some Ness fans who were hoping that Kaiser and Ness would go back to being friends. Some Kaiser fans were upset that he turned out to undeniably be an abuser (tbh this one confuses me since he's been shown to be an abuser for a long while).

Personally, I loved the twist, I didn't expect it since this is a shounen manga, but it really makes sense looking back and explains so much. I love these manipulative characters, I've really been enjoying Hannibal lately cuz of that, but damn, I didn't expect my silly football manga to go this direction. This is the the good type of plot twist, everything is painted in a new light and I'm eating it all up.

TL;DR: Kaiser was just using Ness as his dog all along. Some fans upset abuser turns out to be an abuser. Kaiser being manipulative is a good plot twist.

[emberglowfox]

okay a few people have asked now abt steelheart redux so i will do my best to give an overview the maelstrom of vague thoughts it consists of at the moment

basically, steelheart is the oc story i've been posting a shitton of on and off for the past while. steelheart redux refers specifically to its latest iteration, which is completely (mostly) sci-fi and mech driven as opposed to the standard dragon rider story it was before.

it focuses primarily on these guys!

arthur is a human, while zarian is a DRACO, specifically a v1, which i will elaborate on below the readmore bc this is a little long haha

the setup for the story is essentially this:

the DRACOs (version 1, aka v1s) are big draconic mechs that are basically the equivalent of a super high-tech fighter jet with some other bells and whistles, the most notable being that they're pretty much human powered. but to be efficiently powered long-term, they have to be (or have part of them, really) permanently fused to a human host (or any living creature, technically, but humans are what they're like. made for).

despite all that, stuff surrounding their creation goes pretty well for a while, until the v1s mysteriously 'wake up'-- as in, suddenly attain self-aware consciousness, and start talking to their hosts (known as pilots) who understandably take this pretty badly. it's like if the fighter jet you've been flying around and are also kind of biologically fused to suddenly grew a brain and started asking about your day. things get even worse when the company producing the v1s attempts to like. undo this by forcing out an update patch, which has the unintended effect of corrupting the (previously entirely benevolent, just curious) v1s and turning them into crazed murder machines. stuff is bad for a while.

the ACTUAL story takes place 15 years after this, when stuff still isn't amazing but has mostly evened out. the company responsible for the v1s collapsed in the initial chaos, but from its ashes came a new company, Defenex, which has been producing DRACO v2s. they're the sleeker, badder cousins to the v1, made for the sole purpose of protecting towns from and hunting down remaining v1s. they're also, very critically, Not Mysteriously Self-Aware like the v1s are (or. were?) which is good.

the plot follows arthur steele, a fifteen year old boy living in one of the surviving cities, who through a series of accidents comes to be permanently fused to a (mysteriously un-murderous but distinctly unhappy) v1 calling himself Zarian. at first, his goal is to get Zarian removed from his back so they can go their separate ways and he can go back to his unremarkable, relatively safe life. unfortunately, this does not go according to plan. at all. but in the process, they start learning more about the mysterious origins of the DRACO incident and asking questions some people REALLY don't want answered. along the way, they make a few friends, come to actually like each other, and accidentally develop a reputation as Public Enemy #1, Definitely Evil, Kill On Sight. oops.

and that's the gist! i know... a lot of what happens, within that window, but most stuff isn't like nailed down clearly or in order yet, because i've discovered that while i am good with coming up with originally story ideas, actually plotting one from start to finish, coherently and satisfactorily, does NOT come naturally to me at all.

but, at the very least, it has become a fun brain playground and happiness generator, because i am veeery attached to these guys. moreso than i ever have gotten about my own ocs in my whole life tbh

:)

[densewentz]

I am. Quaking over Crowley and Hanna cause AUGH they're so adorable. Getting up into antics! What do you think some of their adventures would be? Chaos at the nursery garden stores? Lurking in woods to find creatures? Sorry I just really wanna know.

"Can we get a 'wahoo'?"

First off thank you for the perfect reason to post this sketch!

I cannot even begin to imagine the terrors they rain on the general public tbh. Between Crowley still feeling jilted and Hanna feeling free for the first time, the limit is really their imaginations (of which they both posses quite a fair bit).

In fairness since this little au I'm simmering takes place pretty soon after the end of s2, they probably don't do a lot of REALLY outlandish stuff for a while. They'll stay local, probably spend time with Nina and Maggie and probably end up meeting the Them at some point. Crowley would also probably want to try and keep inconspicuous (hah) with heaven and hell looming over their heads and now with a squishy thing to protect. I LOVE the garden center chaos idea btw, shoutout anon, and Crowley's little pseudo Eden is definitely going to rapidly expand into a vibrant and terrified indoor oasis (skylights included). Shops in general are going to have to watch their backs (Crowley has a reason to go into many of them quite frequently now, and without his celestial counterpart to keep him from goofing off too much). Hanna is a big fan of the classic "run down the aisles of a toy store and rapidly push every single button you find" method of spreading foment.

Since Hanna hasn't had an opportunity to see/experience most of the world, I imagine they spend a LOT of time popping through museums/zoos/aquariums/etc. Crowley pointing out things he caused, things an... old friend caused, things that actually happened way differently but got recorded wrong. Hanna dragging her dad around and both of them getting WAY too into reading the information plaques for all the animals. Then seeing which animals freak tf out if her dad flashes his eyes. (The giftshops get terrorized if there arent enough fungus-themed objects, although there is always miraculously at least one). They probably break into a lot/if not most of the exhibits after hours to take selfies for Crowley's rapidly growing photo album. Hanna sits at the shark touch tank and loudly proclaims how smooth they are. And since im a sucker for I-Want-To-Share-The-Stars Crowley, they probably pop over to an observatory or break into idk, where they keep the telescope on the Canary Islands or something. And he'll tell her what he remembers about the Creation and what it feels like to hold a new star in your hand. Hanna will curl up against Crowley's chest and get lost in his voice and the distant glitter of a world her dad designed. They probably also commit crimes. Not major crimes, mind you, although that's due more to Crowley's occasional sense of "as a parent i probably shouldn't let you" than any unwillingness on Hanna's part. But she'll definitely help him move signs or infiltrate office buildings and other assorted sabotages. She 100% gets her own little version of the Fuck Shit Up Jacket, and whether he likes it or not the Bentley has decided Hanna gets to pick the getaway music.

It doesn't really count as demonic but Crowley DOES keep a bag of spare change and googly eyes for Hanna to glue to things at will while they're out.

But tbh i imagine the most trouble she gets into is if she's left alone with Muriel. Evidently Hanna has her father's talent for tempting angels into misbehaving or at least into not noticing that they are, in fact, misbehaving in the human sense. Crowley usually feels almost bad for the baby angel but, needs must. and sometimes he needs a babysitter. The rule is SUPPOSED to be that if Hanna is with Muriel, they DO. NOT. LEAVE. the bookshop (they always leave the bookshop).

At one point she meets a boy named Kian at a pub called the New Inn. Crowley very desperately wants her to not want to spend time with Kian for reasons he refuses to explain 💕

At any rate if anyone ever wants to write or draw anything with Hanna they're more than welcome to and also I'll probably cry a lot so Cheers! Thank you for the ask (apologies for my signature long-winded answer)!

[charlie-pippin-faraday]

V3 TRIAL 2 UPDATE

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS COMPLETELY FUCKING RIGHT!!!!!!!! SHE DID IT KIRUMI DID IT I WAS 100% RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! god i'm so smart i'm so fucking smart i caught onto it immediately i knew it and it feels so good to be right about it. and i was like mostly right about how it went down!! i KNEW she handcuffed him and drowned him in the big fucking sink!!! and i knew she moved him window to window into the gym!!! i knew she used the cable and the rope! i didn't predict the rope slide on the inner tube and tbh i thought she would've knocked him out by putting something in his food rather than clocking him on the head, but overall i was still right!!!! AND i was right about him being in the piranha tank!!!!!!!! i totally forgot about the pane of glass so that makes sense why they didn't eat them but i TOTALLY called him being in the piranha tank. i didn't predict the right timing, but i don't think that's my fault, they kind of threw a curveball on me mid-trial with maki revealing she'd talked to ryoma after nighttime had started

the motive/why she did it i was a little less on the mark on. i DID predict it had something to do with her getting her kubs pad, though was not correct on the manner, i really thought kokichi would've given it to her, i did not expect the sheer luck of her getting her own (luck? makoto naegi haunting the narrative once again). and no one requested her to kill him like i'd predicted - though ryoma kind of gave himself up to be killed, which was kind of in the general vein of one of my theories. she didn't do it while everyone was in the bug room like i'd thought, but i'm pretty sure she was running around preparing at that time, and her having access to the stuff she'd helped prep in the gym helped her with the murder, so i'm counting my lines of reasoning here to be right as well.

additional commentary throughout the trial:

lmao kokichi was taking NO fucking prisoners with all those absolutely scathing insults to miu

"my goatee makes me look like a glamorous celebrity" lol

"that's our kaito, right?" aw shuichi

lmao everyone be calling kaito an idiot

"that hopeless idiot may have encouraged me a bit" lol is that just maki and kaito's relationship in a nutshell?

"she's not lying! can't you tell just by looking at her?" i think i'm watching a man actively becoming down bad in real time. during a TRIAL

i relied on the walkthrough much less this time! being razor-focused on what i thought went down and who i thought did it (and also being right about it) certainly helped. multiple choice questions were no problem, and i can do the mass debates pretty well - didn't need help with that part! the shooting is actually alright, i can do that (i also got the laser beam perk or whatever it's called to make it shoot faster which was a HUGE help). now, the other minigames in the trial? uhhhh now those i needed help with lol

was i, shuichi saihara, hitting hookers with my car in that minigame? was that what was happening???

i REALLY hate the lying mechanic. i hate hate hate it. it's difficult, it doesn't make sense, and i'm fundamentally opposed to it. this is a TRIAL, it's about finding the TRUTH, why in the world are you fucking forcing me to LIE?! developers there HAD to be a better way than that

okay i've come to the conclusion that the stuff on the kubs pads is utter fucking bullshit and completely made up. because you CANNOT convince me that kirumi was running the nation, that simply is not possible. like i simply refuse to believe it. and also, i know the lore of these games, the world has already fallen into despair, is there even a government to run? if the dumpling that looks like makoto naegi is "someone i'm pretty sure i've seen before" then this doesn't take place in the past, and this is already a despair-filled world! and i might not remember correctly, weren't the motive videos in the first game fabricated as well? to a point, at least, 'cause didn't it show sayaka's idol group dead, but in reality they were just abducted? idk, i might not be remembering that right. idk, something about this just doesn't pass the smell test. there's no way her kubs pad is real. and i don't care that upon seeing it she "remembered" the memory, they have erased and tampered with the memories of the kids in every single one of these games. it would be easy to implant false memories, especially ones that preyed upon her internal need to serve and help people and even amplified it so that there were millions of people needing her help. like giving her a false memory like that is such an obvious way to potentially make her go off the deep end. there's no way it's real, it's just a manipulation

another reason i do not believe it is real: there is NO FUCKING CHANCE ryoma had NO ONE who cared for him, like i also fucking refuse to believe that. THAT is ALSO a deliberate manipulation of ryoma, a man who was already hanging by a thread searching for something to latch onto and to fight for. like that's nothing but a manipulation into making him give up. there probably IS someone, but of course monokuma wouldn't tell him that, it's just a lie to make him give up and die in the game. and that's absolutely cruel

man kirumi really fucking lost it right at the end there, huh? there's something so fascinating to watch about the most dignified, composed person here losing their composure and rapidly unraveling, fighting to reach an outside world that is probably a complete fabrication. man, what a tragedy.

the maki reveal is...not unexpected, tbh. there was so much shady stuff about her. and like toko in the first game, there is not a CHANCE she is killing a single person in this game lol

keebo watching maki strangling kokichi by the throat like "man, why didn't i think of that?"

and thus concludes my trial commentary! man i almost hit the bullseye on this one, i feel so fucking smart. and i think that's about as high as i'm gonna feel, i don't anticipate i'll be as right on the money with any of the rest of these murders lol

on to chapter 3!