#also extremely lucky everyone at work is so understanding and even with this surgery and stuff they’re like yeah dude rest up

[cloudcastor]

I had a minor surgery/procedure today I was super nervous about but everything went well!!! everyone was so attentive and nice, it made the experience an absolute breeze and I felt really comfortable and reassured ;;_;; couldn't ask for a better care team!!!

just got a couple days of healing ahead but super blown away...just had to share it out into the world!!! the care team even wrote me a handwritten note and added it in to my stuff ;;_;;

there has been A LOT of personal stuff going on the last couple months but finally getting to chip away at stuff, and getting medical providers that are helping eith the burden... I'm extremely lucky and thankful to have that experience !!!! can’t wait to get back to art…. can’t wait to hopefully feel some kind of relief soon!

[icrypop]

hey!!!!! Its me again!!! Wanted to ask for a reader who acts like art the clown from terrifier w/ Yan sbg cuz I just watched the 3rd one at the movie theater, basically reader is just autistic asf and doesn't rlly talk, they can they just don't, and they also kill the phantoms in extreme gruesome wnd sadistic ways, also instead of laughing at the phantoms normally while she tortures and kills them she acts like a mime and does the action of laughing or being surprised( Art the clown does this too) reader also draws extremely disturbing pictures of hacked and mutilated dead bodies, (+ Yan parents and maverick too, if you can><) also reader is pretty much frickin immortal, just like Art, if y don't know who art the clown is just search him up bur I'll put in a pic of him for u!

Hope this helps! I understand of u can't do it tho!

TERRIFYER READER x YANDERE SBG

SBG Gang and parents, ft. Maverick

Warnings:

TEHE okay I had to get some help from a friend who's seen them all so I hope I did this request justice :') ANYWAY, working through requests, im sorry it's taken so long, life got crazy and I forgot I had tumblr for a hot minute.... Requests will be getting answered, thank you guys for the paitence <3

-Writer Icy♡

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reader's Traits:

Non-verbal communication: Reader rarely talks, preferring exaggerated mime-like actions to express themselves, mimicking laughter or shock in eerie, exaggerated gestures.

- Phantom Slayer: Reader kills phantoms in gruesome, sadistic ways—severing limbs, performing mock surgeries, or creating scenes reminiscent of horror artwork.

- Artistic Outlet: Reader draws grotesque depictions of mutilation and death in their sketchbooks, which both fascinate and horrify those around them.

- Immortality: Reader sustains grievous injuries but never seems to succumb to them, making them an unstoppable force in the Phantom realm.

- Dual Persona: In the real world, Reader is quiet, strange, and intensely focused on their art, drawing people in with their mysterious aura.

---

Yandere Gang's Reactions:

Ashlynn:

- Protective Fascination: Ashlynn is utterly entranced by your unpredictability and your silent demeanor. Your artistic abilities, though morbid, make her feel like she’s the only one who truly “gets” you.

- Defense Mode: She often steps in to explain your behavior to others, shielding you from criticism or fear, even as she secretly revels in how unsettling you are to everyone but her.

> Snippet:

Ashlynn knelt beside you as you sketched yet another grotesque image of a dismembered phantom, her eyes flicking between the page and your blank expression.  

“You’re incredible, you know that?” she murmured. “Keep drawing, I wanna see it when you're done.”  

When you mimed a theatrical bow in response and nodded, she chuckled softly, her fingers brushing against yours. “Don’t ever change.”

---

Tyler:

- Adoration Bordering on Obsession: Tyler is captivated by your silent strength. He finds your phantom-slaying methods disturbingly beautiful and sees you as a perfect partner in their fight to survive.

- Jealousy: He can’t stand the thought of others being drawn to your mysterious charm and often positions himself as your shadow, claiming to be your protector.

> Snippet:  

Tyler watched, spellbound, as you silently mimed cutting your throat in response to a phantom’s attack, then dismembered it with terrifying efficiency. When it was over, he approached cautiously, placing a hand on your shoulder.  

“What a badass,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “Your just lucky no one’s scared of you” 

---

Taylor:

- Playful Curiosity: Taylor adores your eccentricity and miming antics, treating you like a puzzle she’s determined to figure out. Your gruesome kills intrigue her more than they scare her.  

- Defender in Public: Taylor is quick to defend you when others question your drawings or your unsettling behavior, even if it sometimes unnerves her too.

> Snippet:  

“Seriously, this is brilliant,” Taylor said, holding up one of your sketches. “I mean, yeah, it’s creepy as hell, but… who else could think this up?”  

When you pantomimed shock, holding your hands to your cheeks, she burst out laughing. “See? Like, c’mon not even horror producers can make this like they do!” She giggled as you pretended to blush, blowing a playful kiss before going back so scribbling intestines strewn across the page.

---

Aiden:

- Unsettling Connection: Aiden is the only one who truly matches your darker energy. He’s both disturbed and enamored by your methods, seeing you as someone who understands the chaos within him. You both enjoy shredding through phantoms and smiling like little maniacs. You’ve gotten a couple frightened looks from Logan from time to time.

- Possessiveness: Aiden doesn’t let anyone get too close to you, guarding you like a treasure he’s unwilling to share.

> Snippet:  

Aiden leaned against the wall, watching as you silently dismembered another phantom with surgical precision. “You’re terrifying,” he muttered, his lips curling into a smirk.  

When you mimed laughter, he stepped closer, brushing a hand against your arm. “Terrifying… and mine.”

---

Ben:

- Unwavering Devotion: Ben is your biggest cheerleader, seeing your quiet nature and violent tendencies as proof of your uniqueness. He’s completely enthralled by your duality—terrifying in the Phantom realm but calm and composed in the real world.

- Silent Support: He doesn’t question your methods or your art, instead offering quiet comfort and encouragement whenever you seem withdrawn.

> Snippet:

“You’re talented.” Ben wrote, flipping the notebook around as he watched you finish off another phantom. You glanced up, halting you’re movements to dismember the phantom slowly. When you mimed a shy smile, he grinned back and scribbled down a quick and messy, “You’re crazy and talented.”

---

Logan:

- Controlled Admiration: Logan respects your abilities and your artistic mind but worries about how far you might go. He’s fiercely protective and always keeps a watchful eye on you, even when he struggles to understand you.

- Conflict: He occasionally clashes with the others about your well-being, insisting that they need to help you find balance rather than enable your darkest tendencies.

> Snippet:

Logan stood over your shoulder, peeking at your latest sketch, his jaw tight. “It’s amazing, but… is this really what you want to focus on?”  

You tilted your head, miming a shrug before turning back to your work. His hand rested on your shoulder, squeezing gently. “Just don’t lose yourself in all this, okay?”

---

Parents' Reactions:

- Adoration for Reader’s Unique Skills: 

  The parents are endlessly impressed by your unmatched ability to deal with phantoms. They view your gruesome methods as a necessary evil, marveling at how you can handle what no one else can.  

- Hyper-Protectiveness:

  They grow obsessively protective of you, taking every precaution to ensure your safety both in the real world and the Phantom realm. They may even suggest or enforce stricter boundaries on your interactions with others, including the gang, to maintain control over your safety.  

They are fiercely protective of your unique abilities, often stepping in to defend you from others who might criticize or misunderstand you.  

- Justification of Behavior:

  They believe your artistic depictions and sadistic tendencies are simply a reflection of your brilliance and the trauma of the Phantom world. They see it as a necessary outlet and refuse to allow anyone, even the gang, to question or judge you for it.  

They see your quiet demeanor and gruesome art as a sign of depth and creativity, choosing to support you unconditionally.  

- Direct Involvement: 

  The parents actively support your behavior, providing you with tools, materials, and even strategies for taking down phantoms. They may also subtly manipulate the gang, ensuring that their focus stays on protecting you rather than trying to "fix" you.  

- Fear of Losing You:

  Seeing how much danger you put yourself in while fighting phantoms, they secretly harbor a deep fear of losing you. This fear often manifests in obsessive planning to keep you safe, including discussing ways to trap you in the real world or even the Phantom realm to monitor you closely.  

---

### **Specific Opinions:**  

- Admiration Cloaked in Denial:

  Your parents admire your strength and efficiency, but they rationalize your sadistic tendencies as a coping mechanism rather than addressing it. They refuse to see you as anything but perfect.  

- Pride in Your Independence: 

  They often express pride in your independence and ability to protect yourself, even as they secretly plot ways to make you more reliant on them emotionally and physically. 

---

Your parents’ actions and opinions fuel the already intense dynamic with the gang, creating a volatile environment where everyone is vying for your attention and control while claiming it’s all for your safety and well-being.  

Maverick:

- Maverick is intrigued and slightly unnerved by your behavior but ultimately respects you as an ally. He’s in awe of your ability to keep the phantoms at bay and often seeks your advice on survival tactics to which you do your best to show all the while silently laughing when he falls on his ass a couple of times. It’s an…experience to say the least.

---

Your sadistic, efficient methods make you a key player in the group’s survival. The gang grows more and more dependent on you, their possessiveness increasing with every phantom you kill. In their eyes, you’re their protector, their artist, and their soulmate all in one. Nothing—not even death itself—will take you away from them. 

[theautisticdoctor]

Entry #012

Hypermobility

A problem many autistic fellows of mine, including me, are suffering from is hypermobility. It's a underdiagnosed, underrecognized part of autism.

I personally deal with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), which runs in my family. My great-grandmother, grandmother, and mother all have it, and so do I. It comes with a host of symptoms: atrophic scars, mitral valve insufficiency, postural / orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, gastric motility disorder, pelvic and bladder dysfunction, extremely soft and stretchy skin, and, of course, extreme hypermobility. I can bend my joints in ways that I only learned in medical school was abnormal, and I’ve often felt like a bit of a freak during skills practices. I remember asking an orthopaedic surgeon during training why people couldn’t do 90 degrees flexion and extension with their forefeet, only to be met with confusion. When I demonstrated what I meant, the look on his face was one of pure astonishment. This highlights how different our experiences can be and how misunderstood they often are.

One of the most frustrating parts is not being taken seriously by some doctors. I’m lucky to have a medical degree and trusted colleagues I can consult, but many autistic individuals don’t have this luxury. Too often, our symptoms are dismissed or attributed to our mental health, leading us to delay seeking help until things get really bad. Please, don’t wait. The longer you put off seeing a doctor, the harder it becomes to treat your symptoms. Find a physician who listens and takes you seriously. Hypermobility doesn't necessarily mean you have EDS, but hypermobile or not, moving and living isn’t easy. Chronic exhaustion is real and debilitating. I touched on managing energy levels in entry #003 with routines based on my modified spoon theory, which I call the cutlery theory. I’ll dive deeper into this in a future post.

Living with hypermobility means constant joint pain, frequent dislocations, and early arthritis. I’ve never known a pain-free day, and overdoing it physically just makes things worse. Recovery takes time, and I’m still figuring out if physical and mental fatigue recover together or separately. Overstraining definitely not only impacts physical, but also my mental state. Not everyone can access rehabilitation programs, but there are steps you can take on your own to make it a little easier or better. Start by tracking your symptoms to identify patterns. This can help you find ways to support yourself. Working with a physiotherapist or occupational therapist is ideal, but you can also use trial and error to find what works for you. I’m always here to brainstorm and offer support.

I’m a big believer in creative therapy. One exercise is to color in a body image to show where you feel comfortable, uncomfortable, or in pain. This helps you and your healthcare providers understand your condition better and develop a personalised treatment plan.

Also, braces can be a lifesaver for dislocated or overstretched joints, even though I hate wearing them. They help prevent further injury and aid in recovery. Despite the awkward looks and comments, they’re definitely worth it.

In conclusion, hypermobility is often a comorbidity of autism. It can cause mental fatigue and chronic pain, among other symptoms. Don’t suffer in silence, but find ways to accommodate yourself and make life easier. Medication and surgery aren’t always the answers, although they can help. Awareness and lifestyle adjustments can make a big difference too. Talk to your physician, physiotherapist, occupational therapist, and fellow patients to find what works for you.

[paddockbunny]

Some people are really nuts aren’t they?

People are literally yelling at me telling me I’m wrong, “fucked up”, evil for saying I don’t like kids nor want to be around them. I feel like laying it out for them;

1. I have a condition and have gone through treatment which means it will be difficult for me to get pregnant naturally and IF I go through IVF and by some miracle conceive, my body will 85-90% will reject the pregnancy or I would be an extremely high risk pregnancy. SO, for me, children, babies and kids is VERY much a triggering subject as being told you probably can’t have them when it’s all anyone seems to talk about around you is DISTRESSSSSSSING. Why am I called weird, abnormal, “fucked up” and evil for putting myself first when I have been dumped by friends who don’t understand my condition, who didn’t care when I had surgery, who haven’t checked in on me once in three years but expect me to rush to see their kid, to hold their newborn for them, to want to spend a coffee date in a play park? You can’t pick me up and dump me because you have no one to hang out with on your mat leave. You can’t expect me to be ok always being in children’s zones (like suggesting I meet you at soft play? Like wtf?) and drool over your kids when you couldn’t even send me one text to ask how I am?

2. I simply don’t like babies & children AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I don’t find myself maternal and don’t coo over a child - I do that over puppies and dogs and again, nothing wrong with that - because I simply think that’s weird (and awkward, for me personally). I don’t think having a boundary where you don’t wish to be around other people’s babies/children is a bad thing. It means you have a good relationship with yourself and you can draw a line. Sure it will butt hurt people but if they are your friends they should understand your stance on child interactions and appreciate you within their lives (I am lucky none of my friends want kids but if they do have them they are so much more emotionally intelligent than most and have no issues with boundries)

3. THE INTERNALISED MISOGYNY ! honestly do I even need to explain this one?! Men are NEVER questioned about not engaging with kids, wanting to be around them, not being paternal, like EVER! So whenever someone tries to put me down on the fact I don’t like kids I’m always wondering if they would ask a man the same thing? There’s been jokes on TV about men calling their kids all sorts of names (little bastard, a little sod etc) and women continue to laugh and call it real. They also don’t have issues with men continuing their lives albeit work, pub, hobbies, having a normal existence while they play the 50’s housewife at home because “that’s a woman’s role” (eye fucking roll). Insinuating another woman is somehow defective for not wanting to be around children IS INTERNALISED MISOGYNY!!!!! It’s insinuating women who can’t have kids are less than because what other purpose is there for women other than being baby machines? Go read the Handmaids Tale and come back to me on that one 😂 And the worst part, if you happen to be polite and try approach the subject by saying; “I’m sorry, I would love to catch up for a coffee but do you mind it just being us as I’m having a difficult time being around your child just now because I’m dealing with x,y, z and I think it would upset/trigger me” you are turned into the human embodiment of satan. If you’ve made it clear you’re struggling and a “friend” doesn’t respect your boundaries why keep them as a friend?

4. NOT EVERYONE LOVES YOUR KIDS AS MUCH AS YOU DO! Omg this! “It’s ok tho because you love them..they’ll be quiet” fuck offffff!!!!! Your toddler will not sit in a cafe for an hour or so without distraction and therefore YOU will be distracted for the entire time. It gives the distinct impression you don’t want to be there and you’re only doing it to fill your day. It’s happened to me before where unexpectedly a friend has shown up with their kid, spoken the whole time about the kid and how hard it is for them…didnt ask me one single question about how I was, not one, not even “how are you doing” and let me tell you, I’ve never seen them since (because I wondered when she would reach out etc and she never has so….her little old housewife life is so clearly more important than mine she needs me to do all the work even though she’s sitting around watching This Morning eating fucking hobnobs) You want to dote and drool over your kids then fine but why can’t you do that at home with your partner or family members? Why does everyone need to know the colour of your kids nappies and that they were violently sick all over themselves? FUCK! Does your filter go straight out of you as soon as you push one out or have I been friends with a complete stranger all these years?

I agree that everyone is at different stages and I’m not “shaming” mothers but simply asking for them to have some of the same compassion toward other women that they beg for themselves. No one is saying motherhood isn’t hard but shit, in comparison to what some others are going through it is fucking NOTHING!

And remember……there are women in Gaza right now pregnant, giving birth and have babies and toddlers too. Spare a thought for them instead of thinking about how hard you have it in your nice 3 bed house with a BMW in the drive way, food in your fridge and running water.

[animeomegas]

I read the Naruto Omega request with the alpha commenting about how their kid is just like their Omega (and I loved it so much) but what if the kid is just like their Alpha parent? Like the Alpha hit copy/paste of their kid and it's obvious to everyone, especially their Omega parent.

(Hehe, the reverse, interesting! I got a bit carried away in some places, but this was really fun to write! Enjoy~)

Naruto - Naruto knows his pup looks a lot like his alpha, but they're also like him!! He can see it just fine! You see the way they don't like reading kanji? He didn't like reading kanji when he was their age! You see the way they scratch their head sometimes? He does that too! As far as he's concerned there is lots of him in his child and he doesn't know why no one else seems to see it. He will definitely dress them in the worst orange clothes and style their hair like his to try and get everyone else to notice the similarities.

"No, Kakashi sensei, you don't get it! I had to walk past Ichiraku's the other day and my pup started to cry because we were in too much of a rush to go in. They have great taste, just like me, believe it!"

Sasuke - Sasuke didn't think he was the sort to care that much, but he's honestly a little shocked. Uchiha genes are crazy strong, and he's surprised that his alpha's genes are apparently stronger. He also gets kinda embarrassed because he spent his whole pregnancy telling you that the pup was probably going to look a lot like him and he was very obviously wrong about that. But in the end, he honestly kind of likes it. He doesn't have the best self-esteem and he definitely holds a somewhat subconscious belief that the Uchiha bloodline is cursed, so he finds it relaxing for his pup to look so much like his alpha. It makes him feel like they have a chance at a good life, something he didn't even realise he was worried about beforehand. He prefers his pup to look as much like his alpha as possible.

"Huh," said Naruto, giving Sasuke's pup a glance. "If you were an alpha, I'd say your mate cheated on you, but I guess the pup came out of you, so I suppose you're all good."

"Tch, idiot," Sasuke scoffed, gently brushing his child's hair (his alpha's hair that he loved so much) from her eyes. "Don't be so crude."

Shino - He doesn't really notice, not at first, too enamoured by the fact that his pup is beautiful and amazing and someone him and his mate created together. But after a few comments from others, he starts to realise how little of him seemed to be part of that creation, and he gets a bit melancholic about it. Don't get him wrong, he thinks his alpha has amazing genetics and he loves them both but... he's been excluded from a lot in his life and the fact that he appears to have been excluded from this as well. It hurts. Thankfully, as soon as the pup is old enough to start dressing in the Aburame clan clothes, everyone immediately starts calling them a mini-Shino, telling him how much like their father they are etc. He always puffs up in pride and it doesn’t take long for his friends to notice and they make sure to say that as much as possible to him. I imagine his alpha also picks up on it and goes out of their way to point out the similarities.

"I had to pull him away from exploring in the woods today," you inform Shino, having just walked in from a walk with your pup to allow Shino some peace to clean the kitchen. "He didn't like being told he wasn't old enough yet. Much like someone else I used to know~"

"Is that so?" Shino felt like his heart might burst from happiness that his child loved looking for bugs in the woods as much as he did. "I'll have to take him there tomorrow. Why? Because I want him to be happy."

Shikamaru - If his child doesn't learn to appreciate the beauty of a nap soon, Shikamaru may just have to disown him. He's joking, of course, but he's another one who firmly believed in the dominant genes in his clan, so he is shocked to find that there is now a tiny clone of his alpha running around their house. His pup and his mate gang up on him all the time… poor long suffering Shikamaru. Apart from missing valuable napping/cloud gazing time, Shikamaru doesn't care that much, although he finds it distantly amusing that the future clan head looks nothing like a Nara. Maybe they’ll gain more of his traits as they get older, maybe they won’t, they’re his precious little pup either way.

“If I promise to give you some chocolate later, will you come and take a nap with daddy?”

“No, no, no! Don’t want to! Want to play!”

Shikamaru just let out a long-suffering sigh and resigned himself to being awake for the whole day. Troublesome.

Neji – Neji is so fucking over the moon, he can’t even put it into words. The second he sees his child’s eyes for the first time, Neji starts to cry. They have your eyes. In other words, they have no chance of developing the Byakugan and therefore no need to be given the caged bird seal. The weight that lifts off his shoulders is massive. He has no room in his emotions for any sadness that his pup doesn’t look like him, because he knows how unbelievably lucky he got with this.

You sat by Neji’s bedside, pup cradled in their arms, as you waited for him to come to after the c-section surgery.

When Neji’s eyes finally fluttered open, he immediately focused on the bundle in your arms.

“It’s a little girl,” you answered, understanding his silent question. “Either a beta or an omega.”

Neji didn’t speak, simply holding out his arms to take his daughter from his mate. But just as they transferred him his pup, they whispered something in his ear.

“She has my eyes.”

An unremarkable statement to most, but Neji startled and checked immediately. You were right. She had your eyes.

Exhausted, Neji burst into tears, leaning on his alpha for support and mentally thanking every power that may be for this miracle.

Iruka – Iruka doesn’t have any strong feelings either way. He just wanted someone to love and nurture, what they look like doesn’t mean anything to him. In fact, he’s pretty happy that his pup and his alpha are so similar because it makes him feel like he knows how to parent successfully. He knows his alpha better than anyone after all, so a pup who has the same personality and motivations should be easier for him to parent. He acknowledges every comment about how much his pup looks like you with a laugh. It’s true and it is a little amusing how similar the two of you are. (Also, does Iruka take all your baby photos and then stage matching ones with your pup because he thinks it’s cute how similar you are? Absolutely.)

“Here, if you eat all your vegetables, you can have some of this afterwards,” Iruka promised to his pup, brandishing a plate of both his mate’s and his pup’s favourite food. Without even a moment of consideration, his pup started to eat his vegetables.

Iruka smiled to himself. Works every time. (On both the most important people in his life.)

Itachi – Much like Neji, he’s very relieved that his child is unlikely to be able to unlock the Sharigan. The sharigan has brought Itachi very little good and so much suffering, so knowing his child can avoid that makes him extremely happy. Not to mention, the elders pretty much discard his pup as unimportant immediately, just how Itachi likes it, and while they do start harassing him about having more children, he would much rather that they were bothering him than his baby. He doesn’t let himself be disappointed that his child doesn’t look much like him. He has a healthy and happy pup that he loves with all his heart, and who is free from the perpetual harassment from the Uchiha elders. That’s the best situation he could have asked for.

“They don’t look like an Uchiha,” a blunt twelve-year-old Sasuke said, tilting his head at the bundle in his brother’s arms like he’d never seen a baby before.

Itachi didn’t take any offence and laughed softly, still very weak from the birth.

“Well, technically they are only half-Uchiha,” Itachi answered, absently stroking his pup’s head. “And I think they’re perfect.”

[backofthebookshelf]

One of the nice things about the way the TMA fandom has reached full large-fandom levels of toxicity is that I no longer care if people get mad at me for my opinions on characters! So, some Georgie meta.

(Because fandom is and always has been Like That, I do feel the need to clarify here that I love Georgie, she's one of my favorite characters, characters are more interesting because of their flaws, and I have no investment in the idea that women or female characters are inherently better or more emotionally competent than men or male characters. If I talk a lot about her relationship with Jon, it's because Jon is our point of view character and also the person she interacts with the most. Also, this rambles, sorry.)

I've been thinking about the Season 4 Jon Trauma post and how much I liked the way it talked about Georgie, and it's convinced me that if Georgie could feel fear, she's the one who'd be most afraid of Jon out of all of them. She's the one protagonist we have whose only interaction with the powers has been as a direct victim of them. She doesn't know what they feel like from the inside, like Jon and Melanie; she doesn't know what they're like when they're someone you love, like Basira; she doesn't even know what they're like as petty middle management, like Martin and Tim. What she knows is that one time a monster ate her (only) friend and traumatized her so badly she spent a year in a suicidal depression.

And now her ex - and yes, Jon and Georgie have a remarkably comfortable relationship in the beginning of season three, but they're still exes and they broke up for reasons, even if we don't know exactly what they are - has turned up on her doorstep, shaking and possibly bloody, with nowhere else to go and no access to his home. He's clearly lying about what's going on. He repeatedly violates her house rules. And then he tells her that he's turning into one of those same kinds of monsters that traumatized her and ate her friend. It's clearly enough to override any remaining affection she had for him, and by any definition he has now positioned himself as a trigger.

(Through no fault of his own: the only real response he has to Georgie's statement is "I can't believe you didn't tell me." She's the one who assumes that he Knew, somehow, that she also had a statement; she's the one who suggests he had alternatives. Both suggestions are plausible but we don't actually know for certain that either are true.)

But Georgie isn't afraid of Jon because Georgie can't be afraid -at least, according to her. I'm not sure how much I believe this in the grand scheme of things; it seems like an extremely unlikely mechanism for one of the fears to have. It seems much more likely to me that she's just never met anything as terrifying as that encounter was, and her subjective sense of fear has been massively recalibrated. In which case not only meeting but having hosted in your home another monster who self-describes as similar to the one that was so terrifying that literal threats to your life are no longer distressing would...probably ping. But she's conceptualized herself as a person who doesn't feel fear; it's even possible that was part of her recovery, identifying this as a possible benefit of what would otherwise have been a universally terrible, soul-breaking experience. She looked existential terror in the face and survived, and came out of it a person who cannot be afraid of anything left on this earth. That's kind of a superhero origin story, and I can't blame her for it. I think anyone with a mental illness has at least tried to find ways in which their suffering has made them a better, stronger person.

But whether she's suppressing and rationalizing away any fear she feels or she genuinely doesn't feel any of it, she does frequently behave as though her lack of fear gives her a more objective view of the situation than anyone else. I don't believe she actually uses the word "just," but it drips from her every interaction with Jon after Dead Woman Walking. Why doesn't he just stop reading the statements? Why doesn't he just quit? And, in Zombie, I honestly can't interpret her reaction to Jon when he wakes up from his coma as anything other than, Why doesn't he just die? If he hates being this so much, if he really doesn't want to be a monster, why doesn't he just die?

I really would like to think that it goes without saying that this is, at the very least, a massive failure of empathy, but she's so explicit about it and fandom spent so much time basically agreeing with her that apparently it doesn't. Not only is Georgie not afraid of the situation, but (and this is the part that makes me wonder if she's not rationalizing, rather than being supernaturally unable to feel fear) she can't possibly fathom how afraid everyone else is, and she never tries. She persists in treating the whole awful situation, as @findingfeather's post says, like this is a mundane problem with people who are refusing to help themselves, rather than a supernatural trap that has been specifically built to be inescapable.

Now, let me be clear, even if she were talking to, say, a drug addict who nearly killed themselves because they were in denial about how much of a problem they had, her attitude would be unforgivable. But in this case Jon had no choice in whether or not to become addicted to statements; it was done to him in such a way that he didn't notice it was happening until withdrawal was already incapacitating. He also didn't have the option to leave, as Tim's extended vacation made clear. And, on top of all of that, the whole reason he was in a coma in the first place was that he was trying to save the world. (Neither he nor she knows at this point that he was doing nothing of the kind, so that's really not relevant.) And - look, when Jon came to her after the end of season two, he was asking for help. When he rejected the kind of help that she offered it was because he knew it didn't apply to the problems he actually had, but she treats that like it's his problem, which is something like offering a leg splint to a person bleeding out from a gunshot wound and getting offended when they tell you that won't work. He was very clear that what was happening scared him and he didn't know what to do about it, and her only suggestion was "walk away," which he literally could not do, for multiple reasons.

She's lucky Jon has pretty much precisely zero self-worth at this point, because anyone else would have cut her off completely for behaving like a fucking asshole.

I say "she's lucky" because frankly, even though she says that she wants nothing more to do with him, she turns up at least twice in the Institute after that, with the excuse that she's picking up Melanie to take her to therapy. I don't know about you, but I have never once gone to someone's workplace to pick them up and gone snooping around inside, and no matter how fascinatingly weird that workplace is, I definitely can't imagine doing so when I know that workplace also contains a person I have definitely decided I never want to speak to again. She goes into the Archives, for Christ's sake, and she listens outside Jon's office door for long enough to catch a bit of the recording before letting herself in (so it's very clear she knows who's in there).

Now I'm not trying to paint her as a monster here; Georgie would hardly be the first person to have second thoughts about cutting off someone they still care about, or to break that boundary that they set themselves when they realize they do still want to know how that person is doing. But the fact is that she positions herself as having the moral high ground in every single discussion they have and that's just not true. She is not literally a supernatural monster, true, but if season four did anything with the concept of monsters it was breaking down the difference between "supernaturally driven no-longer-human" and "person capable of caring and empathy." (That's a whole different meta, though, one that I will get around to someday.) Not that Jon is any better, in that encounter specifically, at dealing with a complicated and contentious relationship - he deliberately goads her, even if he doesn't use compulsion. But that's the thing, they're both exes who have had a falling out and aren't handling it very well. Neither of them is in the right.

All of which makes me really wonder what her relationship with Melanie is actually like. We don't actually see hardly any of it directly, and of what we do, well, Melanie sounds like she's still high on painkillers, so it's hard to take that as an indication of anything. But given that people (who are not intentionally trying to manipulate those around them) tend to, y'know, be fundamentally the same person in their various relationships, though it may manifest in different ways, we can probably make some guesses.

I have always been bothered by, and I really can't ignore, the fact that they were getting together at the same time that Melanie was doing what Georgie has been demanding of Jon since season three: she did whatever it took to get out. I have to wonder if Georgie knows about the nonconsensual surgery part of Melanie's process of getting out, and if she does, if she understands how vital it was. I certainly wouldn't be surprised, if she does know, that she's managed to compartmentalize it: Jon inflicted this terrible trauma on Melanie, Melanie escaped the entity that took her over. (Subconscious implication: Jon is a monster; Melanie is better than him.) I would be very surprised if Georgie is interested at all in the fine distinctions between entities; she's shown no interest in learning what is actually happening to anyone in this situation beyond "it's bad and they should get out of it." But it's relevant, because by the time Melanie makes the decision to blind herself, she's in a much different position than Jon, enslaved by an entity but not consumed by one. She herself admitted to Jon that she would never have voluntarily escaped from the Slaughter.

And given how difficult Melanie finds it to talk about any of this - you can hear her dragging the words out from behind her teeth in her conversation with Jon in Flesh, truly incredible acting by Lydia Nicholas, my god - if Georgie doesn't want to hear it? I can't imagine Melanie insisting. Yes, Melanie is going to therapy, but let me tell you, I've been going to therapy for twelve years now and I have yet to have several of the important conversations my therapists have insisted I have. That shit is hard. But I can imagine a scenario where, having been told by her therapist (who, remember, doesn't have the first idea what Melanie is actually going through, because Melanie isn't telling her about the supernatural so she has to leave out a lot of really relevant details) that she ought to tell her friend/potential girlfriend/new girlfriend about these things, Melanie attempts to bring it up, Georgie says kind and reassuring things and refuses to let her clarify any of the details, and Melanie gives up in relief, thinking, well, I tried. Super valid all around, but it doesn't mean that Georgie has any clearer picture of what Melanie's traumas actually look like, never mind Jon's. There's no world in which I can imagine Georgie actually internalizing the idea that Melanie loved the Slaughter when it had her, and she would gladly have stayed with it if Jon and Basira hadn't intervened.

In Georgie's eyes, Melanie is being a Good Victim. She was hurt but she was strong; she fought it until she won; now she's going to therapy and setting boundaries and trying to heal. She got away.

(Except, of course, she didn't, because as of The Eye Opens no one has gotten away, because this is the entire world now. We have no idea how this has affected Melanie. Presumably she's out of reach of the Eye, given that Jon can't see her or Georgie (and there's some evidence on the side of Georgie's encounter genuinely having stripped her of fear, if she's also invisible to the Eye), but she spent a long time under the influence of the Slaughter. It had her firmly enough that her attacking Jon was enough to give him his Slaughter scar. If nothing else, Melanie certainly hasn't had her fear removed, and talk about a situation bound to retraumatize someone who had such a visceral revulsion to being trapped that Elias chose it as his mechanism of control over her. Melanie probably doesn't look like a Good Victim any more, and I'd bet her relationship with Georgie is suffering some serious strain because of it.)

We don't know when exactly Melanie and Georgie got together; the last time one of them mentions the other is, I'm pretty sure, when Georgie tells Jon that Melanie is back from India. So we know that Georgie and Melanie were friends; that's good, that's a good foundation for a romantic relationship. At the very least they know each other, they have some idea of what to expect. I'd be surprised if they were dating during that season 3/4 hiatus period, though, or frankly any time before Melanie's surgery, just because Melanie seems much too consumed with rage to have room for any other emotions, and I can't imagine Georgie putting up with that.

What seems way more likely to me is this: Melanie comes back from India, arranges to meet Georgie for drinks. Probably they don't talk about anything serious; possibly they talk about Jon, honestly, since we know Melanie was looking for him and Georgie talked to him about Melanie, but very likely in the same "stuck-up pompous ass" way that Melanie talks about Jon in early seasons. (I bet Melanie's roasts are amazing.) Shortly after that Melanie joins the Magnus Institute and then, very likely, either she never tells Georgie about it and therefore they don't talk much or she does tell Georgie about it and Georgie tells her that place is bad news and she won't have anything to do with it and they don't talk at all, until, whichever way that went, the Unknowing happens and Tim dies and Jon winds up in a coma and everything goes to shit. We know Georgie visits Jon in the hospital; we don't know if Melanie does, but frankly it seems unlikely. If they did cross paths during this time, it was probably very brief and superficial. Then: the surgery, and Melanie's recovery.

I'll be honest, I have a hard time imagining Melanie deciding on her own that she should go to therapy. It's possible Basira suggested it, but it really does sound like a Georgie thing to do. So I picture something like this: from the way Basira talks it sounds like they've all been pretty much living in the Archives for a while, and on top of that everyone in the Archives has just badly violated Melanie's trust, so Melanie pulls up her Facebook DMs and talks to the only other person she has. You were right, she says, this place is terrible, I can't handle it, there's no one here I can trust and I'm so alone. And Georgie, who is generous with help and advice (so long as it's accepted) and (like anyone) weak to being told she was right about something, starts talking to her. We know Georgie's got good boundaries, and we know she doesn't want to hear details about what's going on in the Institute, so I can see her saying, I can talk to you, I would love to talk to you, but not about this. For that you need a therapist.

So Melanie gets a therapist, and the prospect of going out amongst the monsters they know are stalking the Institute without that protective shield of rage (never mind the emotional vulnerability of going to therapy in the first place) makes public transit an unthinkable option, so she asks Georgie to take her, and she does, and she keeps taking her to therapy, which is, as far as we know, the only time Melanie leaves the Archives in season four, until she blinds herself and escapes it completely.

And so they have this relationship that's built up almost entirely around Melanie's trauma - with a foundation of friendship, certainly, so I do think that if they are willing to work through it they could make it a working, healthy relationship, but (and again this isn't stated in canon but is my speculation based on what we know about these characters) it is a romantic relationship that's built around the process of Melanie recovering from multiple traumas. Ones that we know that Georgie a) doesn't know many details about, and b) more importantly, refuses to know any details about. Now, I have no experience with romantic relationships and serious trauma; I might be wildly off base here. But. I know that boundaries are important and I know that trust is also important. And if Georgie is holding similar boundaries with Melanie that she has with Jon (and, as I went into excruciating detail about earlier, she has very solid emotional reasons to protect herself with those boundaries), that's drawing a hard line around what's basically the past two to three years of Melanie's life, and undeniably both the worst and most important things that have ever happened to her. That seems...difficult to manage in the long term.

(This is a bit more of a stretch, more of the germ of a fic idea than an argument I'm prepared to defend, but I also would not be surprised if Georgie told Melanie that she wouldn't date her while she was still working at the Institute. That's a very reasonable boundary, and it's good motivation - and probably healthy motivation, I do like the idea that Melanie had something to reach toward in escaping the Institute, not just the desperate flight from - but it's also something of an ultimatum. Which is not inherently bad, but it is the kind of thing that can fester, given other problems.)

Now it's entirely possible that Georgie isn't that internally consistent. People aren't! (See: Basira's attitude toward Daisy vs her attitude toward Jon in season four.) Maybe she's more flexible about being willing to listen to Melanie, maybe she's starting to understand some of what was happening and how genuinely impossible a situation it really was. But that has to be a struggle for her, too; it's not a perfect, sweet, unconditionally good situation that teaches you that you've been unfair to the point of cruelty to someone you used to care about. And by the time the apocalypse rolls around, Melanie is, if she's lucky, just barely able to say she's healed from the plain physical trauma of blinding, never mind all the other baggage. They've got to be having a rough fucking time of it, at the very least, even if you assume that they're suddenly both the kind of people who will sit still and listen supportively and talk honestly about their own messy and complicated emotions, when neither of them have been that kind of person before.

(Another disclaimer because Fandom Is Like That: This is in no way a condemnation of or argument against fluffy What the Girlfriends fic; fic is for making fluffy things that you want to happen to your faves, or building fluffy content that you desperately need for whatever reason. Gods know there are plenty of unhealthy parts of Jon and Martin's relationship that I ignore in most of my fluffy fic. This is me attempting to work through my thoughts and feelings about the relationship I see in canon in the hopes of actually being able to write some fic about these girls myself someday, because I personally can't write fic until I understand canon, and so much of them happens offscreen because they're not main characters, and they're written with such depth and complexity that you can't just slap a stereotype on them and call it good. Which is awesome! But it means I gotta do the work, and I post it because a) it's work, and this is fandom, and I want validation; and b) I'm hoping other people have insights that might also help me clarify my thinking.)

[juuls]

Pharmacist/Me = 1 🏆 Doctor/Nursing Staff = 0

Thank you in advance for reading this rant. I’ve been really frustrated and just needed to get this off my chest, and today at least I had a wonderful knight in a white lab coat. 🩺❤️‍🩹🥽🥼💪🏻

Content warnings and squicky squicks: (further down there is) an image of a medical vial with a clipped image of a more benign part of a syringe, health conditions (endometriosis, fibromyalgia), menstrual cycles and associated terms such as bleeding and other things, lack of empathy in my specific healthcare system, hysterectomies, pain, swearing and losing patience. Most important warning: self-administered syringes and injection discussions of legal medications (Depo-Provera) approved of by professionals and properly researched. P.S. this may sound rather Karen-like but I would never do this to someone’s face. Online ranting and acknowledging where I could do better is not the same as screaming in public for bossy requests or comps, etc. Ew.

Another ‘warning’… pharmacists being kick-ass allies and giving a damn about their patients.

I’m really annoyed because (and I know healthcare and scheduling is a clusterfuck right now, but…) for over a month now I’ve been trying to get an appointment in person to get this injectable medication that is, yes, birth control, but is also used for endometriosis in my case. And I have severe endometriosis (exacerbated severely by fibromyalgia, siiiiigh) to the point I bleed enough and lose so much I have to go to the hospital when my care is not properly preventative… like in this case, and the pain is unbelievably severe also to the point I’ve spent time in the hospital, including my 11th Christmas Eve and Day. I started this injectable medication at 13 because it was the only thing that came close to helping reduce my endometrial tissue. Even a hysterectomy wouldn’t help as much, unless they decided to go the super invasive route and remove all the organs (or parts of them) that had become ‘infected’ by the tissue. Again, tissue where it’s not supposed to be, and it causes extreme pain as the tissue tries to flush out of my body each period, even if it’s attached to, like, my pancreas. Just no. That does not work at all. No. That is not fun.

SO. I’m 31, nearing 32, and the doctor’s office knows this. I’ve had the same doctor since I was 10. Been on this medication nearly non-stop for just shy of two decades (with appropriate precautions such as bone density tests) because of the absolute severity of the pain and my inability to function when it hits… which can be months at a time of non-stop bleeding and morning sickness-level nausea and vomiting, migraines and the occasional complete inability to move—in other words, it’s debilitating.

My doctor (even the nurses, as it’s in large print at the top of my file in the system) knows all about this. They’re supposed to call me if I’m overdue by a certain margin (I get they’re busy but months and months???). But my doc’s also a bit of an airhead (albeit a smart one when he focuses) and takes forever to reply to anything on time, even when it’s a severe issue, but not severe enough to go to the hospital. But it’s gotten to the point where the nurses say to go to the ER and then the ER nurses and doctors there get SUPER pissed off (AT ME AND SOMEHOW NOT AT MY DOCTOR/NURSES AND THEIR ORDERS) at the ‘waste of time’, and it’s just a clusterfuck.

Oh yeah, and that ER visit while I was overdue for my injection? Internal intestinal bleeding along with a lovely, even if small, perforation in my fucking uterus from the growth of endometrial tissue. I MEAN COME ON — WHAT IN THE HELL. Totally preventable if they fit me in when I called literally over a month ago.

But I will not change my doctor (the other docs at the practice know what is going on and have offered to take me on, but they don’t have the experience with myself and my conditions or the history, but they can do little else because of professional conduct—it’s between myself and my doc) because he is the only one who treats me with humanity and understands fibromyalgia, endometriosis, pre-MS and pre-RhA/PsA, endo-related IBS, (ulcerative) colitis, and other neurological conditions with any degree of empathy. (See, I told you I’m a mess!) There is no way I’m switching offices in the perpetual shortage of doctors in Canada moving elsewhere for m o n e y (plus Covid-19 being a teen hooligan and constantly coming back to wreck more goddamn shit, including everyone’s sanity, then setting things on fire like the real hooligans in my village have been doing this summer — I mean… what in the hell!?!?), so with all that in mind I actually thank my lucky stars. So I put up with a lot of this shit because he treats me, besides him being an airhead, like an actual human being deserving of compassion and care and quality of life despite my severe disabilities and pain. So.

I’m usually treated really well (even if they often think I’m a nuisance for daring to be severely chronically ill/in pain all the time) so I try to be patient and good and understanding when I can.

But his STAFF (I know they’re busy and I’ve been patient but they’ve been so awful honestly to the point I cried hard enough my dad noticed my red eyes and frustration-tear fracks on my face)! And the doc himself’s inability to reply to notes on time even when urgent and when he knows the circumstances (I admit I am a bit of a hard patient so I can understand if he just kinda ignores me sometimes, honestly). But in this case I was THREE DAMN MONTHS LATE for my injection and they’ve always called in the past when I was coming due if it looked like I hadn’t scheduled an injection, so that I was all on time and squared away and didn’t risk severe pain and damage to my already-fucked hormonal system (learning I couldn’t have kids was absolutely heartbreaking, let me tell you, but even a hysterectomy in that case would solve nothing — this is by far the easiest option, especially considering how my fibromyalgia would fuck with my post-surgery recovery and leave me with lasting pain for years if not decades; sigh).

Anyway. So. After some ridiculous levels of back and forth and some truly remarkable levels of lack of compassion (she kept giving me the exact same, word for word response in a bored tone UGH) considering the severe pain I was in (I was told, in front of OTHER PATIENTS AND STAFF, that I could just wait until I talk to the doctor myself at my next phone appointment and then schedule my injection for my next MONTHLY followup — 4.5 months overdue at that point, it would’ve been — because, and I quote, ‘am used to dealing with pain because of my fibromyalgia and years of dealing with it and other conditions’ which they named in front of others!!!!!!!! what. the. fuck. But I kept my cool because I know all these people, my mom taught their kids music, they’re a fixture of the community, etc. and I refuse to be a Karen…. At least externally.

But here comes the nice part that makes me love our new (okay, he’s been here like 5 years but still, in a small town that’s pretty new lmao) pharmacist that much more. Rasik was aware of my frustration with the doctor and nurses and was even the one who brought to my attention that, at the time, I was 2 months late for my injection and he was a bit concerned since he’s privy to how much pain I exist in without throwing in one or more knives directly into my womb, ovaries, tummy, hips, and other areas my endometrial tissue has taken root. He’s such a sweetheart and he really does care for his patients— the work he does with my father’s diabetes (the tricky one where you’re not obese) management is above and beyond the call of a pharmacist and I will forever be grateful for that alone, never mind how he cares for me.

So I went in today to pick up another medication, after yet another frustrating stop-over at the nurses’ desks, and he suggested I ask for my injectable medication (it’s Depo-Provera, by the way) and the syringe plus the two tips necessary — I’m actually familiar with this since I had to learn epinephrine injections from an early age (not Epipen) and how to give testosterone daily to my ex-husband (sorry not sorry, dude, but congrats on your first kid *grouchy thumbs up*). But yeah! Legally he’s not allowed to suggest I give it to myself, but he was getting super fed up with the nurses and doctors dragging their feet and ‘being assholes with little empathy’ in his own words, so I took the hint and requested my vial plus syringe, as well as the drawing and injection gauge needles…. which he gleefully filled for me, and I reiterated that it was ‘fully my idea, not yours, Rasik, because everyone knows I’m dumb and would never think it’s you if something happened’ (I’m not dumb and I’ve given injections to others many times looool).

Long story short: HERE’S TO PHARMACISTS AROUND THE WORLD, BEING AMAZING AND CARING FOR THEIR PATIENTS AND ‘BENDING BUT NOT REALLY BENDING’ THE RULES TO MAKE SURE THEIR CLIENTS ARE CARED FOR PROPERLY. They are amazing and deserve every last bit of your courtesy, especially when they pull double duty every. single. day. because of Covid and their subsequent boosters. (i.e. boosters in the form of humans who are fucking stupid if they have no medical reason not to get the vaccine… I mean JFC.)

Rasik? You are amazing and I am 100% going to find you some Indian-Canadian (or North Indian; I believe that’s where he’s from originally) treats or desserts or make some myself after slyly asking his assistant what he leans toward liking.

Be kind to one another, yeah, but… my goodness: be kind to those who can truly make a difference in your health, sanity, and even life or death.

Pharmacists, volunteers, and frontline health workers: the true heroes of these times.

Thank you so much. So very much.

💜💙🇨🇦👨🏽‍⚕️❤️‍🩹🙏🏻

P.S. … now I just gotta stab myself intramuscularly after making sure there’s no air bubbles and etc., and swap out to the proper gauge needle (different, smaller, to draw from the vial, larger to inject so that it goes in more quickly and, oddly enough, hurts less haha). I don’t think air bubbles are as much of an issue as when injecting intravenously (ummm I have a doctor uncle and grandma nurse and nurse friends, so shush 😆). But I’ve done this for others and animals so I should be good! :)

I’m a smart enough cookie even if I’ve lost a few nibble-size pieces around the edges. 😉😘 buahaha

Cheers to my pharmacist!!!! You are amazing and I can’t wait for the pain and months and months of bleeding to settle down.

Remind me again why humans are the only mammals (animals?) with monthly fluxes? UGH wtf ever. 🙃

[jalapeno-princess]

Got7 As Occupations

Mark: Fireman

I don’t know why but Mark just gives me fireman vibes

HE CAN PUT OUT MY FIRE ANY DAY

ANYWAYS

He knew he wanted to be a fireman from the time he could talk

Mark loves helping people in any way he possibly can

He is also the biggest daredevil and loves a challenge

Wakes up early to exercise and prepare himself for the long day ahead of him

Literally everybody on the block knows him because of how kind and helpful he is

Don’t forget extremely attractive

One time he saved his neighbor’s cat from a tree

But he didn’t use a ladder or anything

The little shit climbed up the tree

His clumsy ass almost sprained his ankle but hey at least the cat was safe

Lets kids who visit the firehouse wear his helmet and sometimes even his jacket so they feel cool

Always offers to give tours of the firehouse to Jackson’s students because he loves informing people about the tough work firemen have to go through on a daily basis

All the women in the neighborhood swoon over him even if he’s covered in dust and sweat from work

Can you blame them though

Look @ him

An actual Greek God

Whenever there is a fire, he usually drives the fire truck because of how calm and collected he can be in stressful situations

Will risk his life every single time there is a fire just to make sure everyone else is safe

Gets scolded by Youngjae quite often because he isn’t careful and ends up getting burned a lot

Walks around the firehouse shirtless every day because he claims it’s hot when really he’s just trying to show off his washboard abs

Back to the fact that he’s very clumsy

Falls down the pole ALMOST EVERY SINGLE TIME

To the point where his coworkers made sure he takes the stairs

How can one be so muscular and fit and hot as fuck yet not know how to slide down a pole the world will never know

I was going to make a stripper Mark! but we’re pg13 in this household

Shows off his hose skills to the other firefighters

But ends up whacking himself in the face almost every single time

Honestly he’s the best

Gets promoted to the chief fireman after only a couple of months because he’s been getting a lot of compliments and praise from everyone in the community

Even if being a fireman can get hectic and dangerous sometimes

He wouldn’t change his job for anything else

Jaebum: Policeman

The idea of JB being a policeman drives me insane

HANDCUFF ME PLEASE

Becoming a police officer was the last thing JB thought he would do

But when one of his classmates got mugged and wasn’t able to press charges against the person

He knew he wanted to help out others and throw bad guys in jail

Has a tough and intimidating exterior

But he’s one of the sweetest cops there is

Only when he wants to be though

Most of the time he’s very rough and can get physical when he has to

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

If he makes his quota for the day

He does not give a shit about what happens afterwards

Literally

Someone can be speeding or jaywalk right in front of him

And he’ll let them go just because he doesn’t want to file paperwork

I know what y’all are thinking

Yes

He is the typical cop that will stop for donuts and coffee

The girls who work at the bakery always give him pastries for free because who wouldn’t want to give this man free stuff like come on now

And he’ll even visit pet stores on his break

Sometimes he’s a little too nice and let’s everyone go

One time an old man was speeding so he pulled him over

But his heart wouldn’t allow him to give the man a ticket

Holds a gun just for looks because of what happened when he first started training

Accidentally shot a coworker in the shoulder but he’s fine

Will put on his lights and speed just to go home early

Sometimes he’ll wear his uniform even when he’s not working just to make people nervous

And to impress the ladies

He also likes to mess around with people and chase after cars only to turn a corner and act as if nothing ever happened

His mom packs him strawberry milk with his lunches everyday because even if he has this scary and tough exterior, he’s still the biggest mama’s boy

Jackson: Teacher

After watching Jackson on “Let Go of My Baby” he gives me elementary school teacher vibes

And when he was a mentor on produce 101

You can just tell he loves being able to educate and give knowledge to younger people

And he really loves kids

I think he’d be an amazing teacher

His classroom would be decked out

He’d start decorating months before school even started

Spends more money on materials for his students than he does on himself

Will learn the names of every single student in the school

Parents feel very lucky when they find out their child is in his class

Very bright and bubbly

Some of the other teachers are jealous of how amazing he is with the kids

Like

It’s 7 A.M. why are you so energetic my dude

He’ll skip lunch with the other teachers just to eat with the students

Even plays with them at recess

Will give his all in to every single lesson

When he reads a story to the kids

He will use motions and changes the pitch of his voice when needed

Stays after school if there are students who weren’t picked up by their parents

If there is a door contest

This man will make sure to win them and over decorate his door

Makes sure every single student is involved and that they’re all following along

always hands out goodie bags

for

EVERY

SINGLE

HOLIDAY

If someone doesn’t understand something

He’ll have 1 on 1 tutoring sessions with them

If he feels that the students are overwhelmed

he’ll have a free day where they can do whatever they want

Wants nothing but the best for his students

The best teacher 10/10 recommended

Jinyoung: Lawyer

I saw Jinyoung as a teacher too

But for some reason

He also matches being a lawyer because of how intelligent he seems to be

And how he likes to fight with people

also

look at that face

i’d do anything he’d tell me to

Gave up his social life to get in to one of the most prestigious law schools

Graduated with a 3.9 G.P.A which still haunts him to this day

Uses very high vocabulary so that everyone around him feels dumb

Will fight with anyone if he feels that they are wrong

One time he argued with a Starbucks employee because they got his coffee order wrong and started using words like inadequate, incompetent and inept

Poor girl just wanted to go home

Like JB, he wanted to throw the bad guys in jail

He was so good with his words that every single person he went up against went straight to the slammer

Even before the jury got to make their vote everyone knew Jinyoung was going to win the case

Some of the judges get intimidated by him just because they don’t want to upset him

One time a judge disagreed with him

Jinyoung didn’t hesitate to put the man in his place

Poor guy retired early in attempts to not have to deal with him again

Don’t get me wrong

Jinyoung is a very sweet guy and wants nothing but the best for his clients

But don’t mess with him when it comes to his job and work ethic

Reads at least 5 books a day to increase his knowledge

You will find him in the library or at a bookstore when he’s not busy working on a case

One of the top lawyers in the country

Sometimes the courtrooms are packed just because everybody wants to witness the perfection that is Park Jinyoung

Will take a shot before every court session to get rid of his nerves

No matter how intimidating he may seem

He’s actually very shy outside of the courtroom

He is so in to his job that he will go missing for weeks on end to focus on a case

His face alone can get the judge to side with him

Youngjae: Doctor

I feel like he would be the sweetest doctor

One time when he was 8 years old, he got the flu and had to be hospitalized

The in house doctor in the emergency room was so kind and patient with him and got him everything he needed

It was in that moment that Youngjae realized he wanted to take care of people and nurse them back to health

Also

His mom’s doctor was retiring

And he wanted someone he could trust to take care of his mom

So boom

Boy went in to medical school with his momma on his mind

Please Stan Choi Youngjae he deserves the world

Not gonna lie

There were days that the pressure did get to him

Poor boy has seen some shit

He had to sit in on a lot of surgeries

Refused to become a surgeon because he cannot stand the sight of blood

Makes the nurses give the shots to his patients

Even if he’s really young for a doctor, boy knows his stuff

Would constantly get yelled at by stupid people who thought that doctors were miracle workers

No matter how hard he worked

And how quick he tried to be

Some people just could not be satisfied

However

Seeing the smiles from his patients made the job worth it

In the beginning, he would work with people of all ages

But he decided he loved working with kids the most

Plus he didn’t have to worry about their health as much as he did with the elderly

However, he did still help out with patients of all ages if and when he had the time

All the elderly women would squeal about how sweet he is and how dedicated he is to his job

They would even try to set him up with their granddaughters but Youngjae was too busy being a doctor to get in to a relationship

He would always bring food for his receptionists and fellow nurses to eat to thank them for all their hard work

Would say hi to every single patient he saw

Always gave stickers and lollipops to all the kids in the hospital

In his spare time, he would visit those with disabilities and sometimes he would bring gifts like flowers or stuffed animals to brighten their day like the ray of sunshine he is

Even if hospitals are sad and scary sometimes

Youngjae makes things so much brighter

BamBam: Zoo Keeper

Hahahahaha

You know I had to do it to my boy after that one interview in America where he said he’d wanna work at the zoo if he wasn’t in Got7

I was gonna put him down as a fashion designer

But I feel like this would be so much more fun

Growing up surrounded by animals made Bambam want to be around them 24/7

And since there’s an actual job for that

He didn’t hesitate to become a zoo keeper

There were many ups and downs that came with being a zoo keeper which Bambam had to learn the hard way

Like cleaning up elephant poop

Milking the cows

Giving the goats a bath

But at the same time

He loved being able to help the cute animals

No matter how stink and gross their habitats were

One time he slipped and fell in to the hippopotamus tank

He refuses to feed the hippos anymore

He would love to see the smiles on all the kids faces whenever they would see an animal they liked

It reminded him of himself and why he got in to this job

For a while he was the one to close up the zoo and he did a pretty good job at closing down all the exhibits

Unfortunately being the irresponsible guy he was

One night he forgot to lock the tiger cage

So when he came in to work the next morning and there was a tiger nonchalantly walking around

He knew he was in deep shit

He also was scared as fuck because a tiger walking outside of its cage bitch I ain’t got the time

But the weirdest thing happened

Since Bambam was known to spoil the animals

This meant over feeding them when he wasn’t supposed to

The tiger knew who Bambam was and trusted him

Therefore getting it back in to its cage wasn’t too hard

He did get a few scratches but we ain’t gonna talk about it

Some days he would sneak over to the petting zoo

And play with all the animals

He would get really distracted and forget about the tasks at hand

If he wasn’t where he was supposed to be, his coworkers knew where to find him

He loved his job so much he found himself at the zoo on his days off

The rest of the guys stopped hanging out with him because as much as they loved their friend

They were sick and tired of the zoo

Bambam just really loved the animals and hated being away from them

Which is why Jinyoung found one of the monkeys sleeping in his bed and threatened to get Bambam fired but left when he saw how much the monkey meant to his younger friend

Yugyeom: Chef

As much as I wanted to go with a dancer

Because he is so amazing

One of the best don’t @ me

I wanted to try something new for a change

I don’t know why but I can see him as a chef

Boy loves to eat

At first he was very hesitant at becoming a chef

He loved cooking for himself, his friends and his family

And he didn’t want to hate cooking by becoming a professional chef

But it just sorta happened one day and here he was

He first started off as a busboy at his favorite restaurant

And worked his way up to being a waiter

But he knew he didn’t want to just be the wait service

He had a passion and a lot of talent

And he wasn’t going to let it go to waste

He became a line cook and just a few months later after a lot of hard work and practice, he became head chef

He loves being able to cook for people and use his talent for good

His cheeks warm up every time someone compliments him on his cooking

Breaks the rules and doesn’t wear a chefs hat because it “makes him look weird”

Constantly invites the guys over to the restaurant to try his food

Practices dishes at home so he knows what he can do better

At one point his cooking got really popular that the restaurant he was working at started getting busier and busier

People would leave if they found out he wasn’t working

One time Emeril Lagasse contacted him and boy was SHOOK

Like

He didn’t want to sound big headed or anything

Yugyeom knew he was good

But not get contacted by world renowned  chef Emeril Lagasse about a collaboration good

Always tasted his food before sending it to the customer because he wanted nothing but the best quality of food

He got so famous that he even opened his own restaurant

Still hasn’t told the rest of the guys about it in fear of them eating all of the food

Would give out left overs to the homeless people that vacated near the restaurant

Still doesn’t know how to react to the praises he’d receive from the customers

Has his own engraved knife set that Mark got him for Christmas and it’s his most prized possession

Honestly he’s the cutest little chef

[petting-mutts-and-sticking-butts]

How Veterinary School is the real world equivalent of Hogwarts.

For many veterinary students this profession has been a dream from when they were in kindergarten, much like a young witch or wizard hoping that they get their very own acceptance letter to Hogwarts when they turn 11. Most of them are fairly confident that they are getting it, because they are purebloods (or in muggle terms a legacy student). While others, like myself, are hoping that there magical ability (academic accomplishment and extracurricular activities) were enough to earn them a spot. No matter the background every young witch or wizard is ecstatic when they finally get that letter.

Once accepted, there is a whirlwind of things that need to be accomplished prior to getting on the Hogwart’s express. First you have to go to Diagon Alley (Amazon) to purchase their many school supplies: books, robes (spirit gear/ scrubs), wands (dissection kit), and trunks (backpacks). Getting off the train and arriving to Hogwarts (Veterinary school) you are greeted by the larger than life groundskeeper, Hagrid, who shuttles you across the Black lake to the castle. The whole time all the first years students are getting acquainted and more excited to actually enter the school.

 At our college we have a whole week of orientation, you are greeted by the larger than life dean of student’s and many other higher ups in the college. You are given a tour of the hospital by some of the upper classmen. During this orientation process, much like Hogwarts, our school has houses that you are sorted into. These houses compete throughout the year in various activities to build up the students morale and build bonds that will last a life time.

There are so many classes that you go through in veterinary school that honestly have a Hogwarts counterpart: 

Potions= Pharmacology

Care of Magical Creatures= Medicine Courses

Charms= Emergency Medicine/ Pain management

 Astronomy= Radiology

Defence Against the Dark Arts= Bacteriology/ Mycology/ Parasitology/ Virology

History of Magic= History of Veterinary Medicine

Herbology= Toxicology 

Devination= Clinical Pathology and Veterinary Neuroscience

Transfiguration=Surgery 

 And with each of those courses comes the many professors and the personalities they bring with them.

The Professor Snape: A professor/ clinician that instills fear in every student they come across. They may have a few students that they tolerate more than others but for the most part they hate students. They would really prefer tinkering by themselves and work on different research projects but because this is a teaching hospital they are forced to interact with people. But in their own words “I am tenured so what are they going to do?”  

The Professor Kettleburn: A professor/ clinician that loves all animals, no matter how dangerous they are or how often said animal has tried to kill them. They have some of the coolest war stories around but they also have the associated battle scars. You wish you were as brave as they were but you also question their sanity. 

The Professor Binns: A professor/ clinician that drones on and on and doesn’t even notice that half of the class is not paying attention, while the other half of the class has fallen asleep. Sometimes they even bore themselves while they are lecturing on the subject. 

The Professor Flitwick: A professor/ clinician that is very eccentric and likable. They always seem to be in a happy mood and will do anything in their power to brighten your day. Often times they are exceptional in their specialty making them a force to be reckoned with. 

The Professor McGonagall: The professor/ clinician that seems very serious when you first meet them but as the years go on you realize that they are one of the students biggest supporters. They are hard on you when they need to be, but they are understanding and helpful when it is most needed. They are astounding in their field and are respected by all that know them. 

The Professor Sprout: The professor/ clinician that is very earthy and was likely your toxicology professor. They don’t really deal with animals a whole lot but they deal with the plants that could kill said animals. They are the leader of the misfits but they are very likable people.  

The Professor Trelawney: A professor/ clinician that seems to live on their own planet. Most of the time you think they are making things up as they are going but every once in a blue moon they get something right. And the things they do get right are world changing so that’s why they are still around. 

The Professor Lupin: A professor that was only with your class for a short period of time. They always look disheveled and like they had a hard night. They are very nice and often very good at working with students but misunderstood by most of the faculty.

The Professor Dumbledore: A professor/ clinician that leads a complex life, but also has a taste for some of the simpler things. They are brilliant, eccentric, loving, and strict. You go through school thinking you have them pegged and then you get to clinics and realize that this person is far deeper than you ever imagined. 

The Hagrid: A technician or hospital staff member that would do anything to help the students. They often give tips and tricks that the clinician probably wish they wouldn’t divulge but they really don’t care because they like the students more than the clinicians anyway. They love all the animals as if they were their own, and often times they pour their heart and soul into the treatment of those animals. Treat these people nicely, they will be your best friends during the clinical year. 

The last comparison to be made is between the main characters of the story (including the villains) and all of your classmates. 

Harry: The chosen one. They seem to have all the clinicians and professors on their side. They can do no wrong and very few people truly dislike them. While from the outside looking in it appears that everything in their life is so easy, often times that is quiet the opposite. Rarely do they actually know what they are doing, they just get lucky and have a lot of help.

Ron: The funny best friend to the chosen one. They may be just as smart or be the reason that the chosen one accomplished as much as the did, but because they are the sidekick they don’t get nearly as much credit as they deserve. But they are okay with that, because they are good people. 

Hermione: The brainy student that you hear everyday in class. When a teacher asks a question, they raise their hand first. They are overachievers, so much so that you wonder how they have time for it all (time-turners must be real right?) They have tidbits of knowledge tucked away and they are ready to apply at the drop of a hat. The more you get to know them, the more likable they are but damn were you annoyed before that (this is me...).

The Weasley Twins: The jokesters. The professors know that they are pranksters, and sometimes they help pull off grand schemes. Other professors hate them because “this is a professional program so you need to act like grown-ups.” They may even drop out in there clinical year because this really wasn’t for them in the first place.

Luna: That one classmate that always seems to have their head in the clouds, and when they actually talk you never really know what might come out of their mouths. They are brilliant in their own right but they are extremely eccentric and have some beliefs that are not widely accepted by the veterinary community. 

Neville: The student that you constantly find yourself asking how they got here in the first place, since they are all but a squib anyways. They always seem to be struggling and never really seem to have a full grasp of what is going on. But then you see them in the clinics, and watch them finally gain some traction and see their education come full circle. It’s like something finally clicked and they found their element. 

Ginny: The students from the classes beneath you that are associated with your class for one reason or another. They may be a roommate, a girlfriend/ boyfriend, a classmate that failed a class, or your first year buddy. Either way you see them so much that sometimes you forget they are not part of your graduating class. 

Peeves: They speak mainly in riddles, and they are constantly trying to start some kind of drama. They get along pretty well with the Weasley twin’s because they are all up to no good. They will not rest until mischief is managed. And they show up when they are least wanted, because all they do is make your life harder.

Moaning Myrtle: That one student that you always see crying in the hallways. You wonder what in the world makes their life so hard that they are always on the verge of tears, but who knows maybe that’s just how they handle stress. Everyone is afraid to be left alone with this person because you never know when the waterworks might be coming.

Malfoy: The one classmate that everyone loves to hate. Not only did they chose to act like a total ass-hat within the first year of school, but they continued to make decisions that put them at odds with most of the class. They may have wanted to be a good person, but their inherently bad heart lead them to make all the wrong choices.  

Crabb and Goyle: They are associated with the aforementioned villainous classmate, so everyone still hates them. When in all reality they probably are not that bad but they are associated with the wrong people and have forever been grouped with that hatred.  

Filch: This is the student that absolutely hates anything fun, despises the Weasley twins, and HATES PEEVES! They walk around with a scowl on their face, their scary sidekick in toe, ready to turn in anyone that even thinks about breaking a rule. Sometimes you wonder how they got past the interview process to begin with, but maybe they just scared the interviewers so much that they had to let them in. 

Voldemort: This is the NAVLE in my mind. You can’t reach your full potential if you don’t defeat that damn test. Every year you are in school the weight of that test grows heavier and heavier. You know the final battle is going to test everything you have learned throughout your years of school and training. You know that it is going to be an epic battle of wits and you are going to leave that testing center feeling a lot worse for the ware but it can be done. IT MUST BE DONE FOR YOU TO LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE THE PROPHECY PREDICTED!

Dolores Umbridge: This person isn’t necessarily a classmate, but it could be. They are despised beyond all others. They are hated more than the NAVLE, maybe not feared as much, but definitely hated more. They have inserted themselves into your veterinary school experience and every minute with them made it worse.

Bellatrix Lestrange: This person is sadistic and enjoys torturing people just because they like to watch them fall apart. They are intelligent but mentally unbalanced and easily lose focus but they are devoted to making the life of their victims worse through the teachings of Voldemort. Often twists reality to suit their view and purpose. Everyone is below them in status, at least that’s how they see things. Evil incarnated. 

Lucius Malfoy: This person often considers themselves better than those around them because of where they come from. Often acting as though other classmates are beneath them because those classmates took a different route to get here. At times they may even attempt to sabotage their classmates because of their belief that they are superior. This person often hides in the shadows, making it hard to detect their true feelings but if you watch their repeated actions their beliefs become very clear. 

Sirius Black: A person that you originally thought was evil due to rumors that had gone around the class. Then you take the time to get to know them and hey become family. People wonder why you like them, but you tell them that this person is good people.

Molly Weasley: This person is a mother figure in your school. It may be a classmate, a faculty member, or supporting staff. They often bring baked goods to class and try to make sure that everyone is happy and taken care of. They check-in often and are always there for you when you are down in the dumps.

Arthur Weasley: This person is a father figure to all. Often fascinated with things that have nothing to do with veterinary medicine. The job that they have often contradicts those outside interests but they don’t mind. They are goofy and light hearted most of the time but will kick ass and take names if need be.

Madeye Moody: This person knows everything, so much so that you are pretty sure they can see in all directions. They look crazy and dangerous but in all reality they are very smart and somebody you want on your team. At times they seem paranoid until their suspicions come to fruition.

Dobby: This is your family and friends that always seem to be there when you need them most. They put up with being treated like garbage because you are their family. Because let’s be honest, these people take the brunt of your piss poor mood when you are stressed. They are the closest too you so they see the absolute worst of you, but yet they still love you. So give Dobby something nicer than a used sock... Say thank you for the years that they put up with you. 

Hedwig: Don’t forget about the veterinary student’s pets. They are the real heroes to this story. Not only do they keep us sane but they put up with our constant poking and prodding. They also get voluntold to be the dummy for sooooo many wetlabs. All the while they greet you at the door with a wagging tail or a rub of the leg and would sacrifice their life for your at the drop of a hat.

[purplecloudsinmycoffee]

Everyday People

Earlier today, my best friend and I were talking about a particular older friend from our hospital group and how she was always the type to push people to become better. I think I’ve been really lucky that I am surrounded by people that I can learn a lot from. So I felt like making an entry about all these amazing people just because I love them and I need to brag about them (also something to read again when I’m looking back because I’m a sentimental piece of crap).

My hospital group has become sort of a family to me and I relied on them a lot during my clerkship and internship years. The older friend I mentioned was a member of my small group as well. She’s always felt like an older sister. If there was a person that taught me that I should never remain stagnant and should always seek to improve myself, it’s her. She’s also shared so much wisdom from her own life experiences that helped me lot. I talk to her a lot even now. I’d ask her take on difficult decisions and she’d also tell me about the challenges in her marriage.I remember months ago when I told her that I felt vacant and lost and she’d send me books and apps reminding me that it’s my job to get myself out of that pit.

The other female member of our subgroup is this hilarious girl I enjoy spending time with because we just laugh at everything. Corny jokes and puns galore. We share one brain cell when we’re together. She’s so chill and light to be with but also takes her work seriously. I’m happy I still get to work with her sometimes because I miss her and she lives the farthest. 

The best friend I keep mentioning in my posts is someone I talk to almost everyday. I consider the friendship I found in her so rare and golden that I am amazed to have met someone who gets and knows me like she does. I talk to her about anything and everything with no fear of judgment. I’ve always admired her silent strength and how she kept herself together after everything life has thrown at her. We always joke about how we’re soulmates cause we’re so in tune with each other and so much on the same wavelength that it’s crazy. I don’t think I would’ve survived if I’ve been through what she’s been through, so I am always in awe of her in that way. 

I have another best friend who I’ve been friends with since first year med that I also talk to a lot. She’s really really cool and she takes care of people so well. I think she’s always a bit too hard on herself cause she’s such a hard worker. She’s always been a bit more grounded than I am so talking to her gives me a new perspective. She’s a surgery trainee now so I don’t get to talk to her or spend time with her as much as I used to but I cherish times that I am able to talk to her.I love hearing about her new life and her adventures or even something as mundane as being able to still discuss manga and shows.

If my older female groupmate is my older sis figure, my older brother figure is this other male groupmate. He’s also a drinking buddy and one of my breakfast buddies. What’s so amazing about him is that I can say without any doubt that he’s a genuinely good person. Kind to the core. He’s extremely hilarious as well which makes hanging out and drinking with him fun. My other small group male groupmate is this energetic guy who’s so enthusiastic ALL the time. I can never match his energy tbh and there were times that I clashed with him during work. I really respected him for how hard he works though and I’ve always been jealous about how he always knew what he wanted to achieve in life and where he’s going. The last male groupmate is unique in his way of thinking but everyone loves him because he’s adorable. 

The other 2 female members of my group are also really awesome people. I think I share with both of them the love for learning. I love discussing interesting cases with them. We’re all IM nerds so maybe that’s why. One of them is a free spirit who is so entertaining as much as she is frustrating. She always does things her own way and her confidence I always admired. The other one is the top of our batch and she’s such a sweet girl and I’m always so proud of her and her number one fan. I try to check on them every now and then and they’re doing so well in their chosen paths. 

If my hospital group are people given to me (through alphabetical grouping) to help me survive my last 2 years in med, my OG med school gang are people I chose after floating around for a bit. I was the only one among my college buddies to go to my med school. So I didn’t really know anyone. Initially, I hung out with the people closest to my seat and I got along with them okay. I socialized a bit, befriending the girl closest to me at the time. She told me she wanted to hang out with this group of people we coincidentally saw at the place we were having lunch at. Initially, I was ok with just the two of us cause she was good company but they seemed like an interesting bunch so I agreed. 

I hope they don’t take this against me if they see this (and I’m pretty sure they won’t see this but just to be sure), they weren’t the most socially adept kind but I’ve come to see and appreciate the good things throughout the years of knowing them. We had a lot of fun and the scope of my hobbies and interests definitely expanded because of them. 

I’ve talked about the first one (the female best friend from 1st yr med). My other female friends are so different from each other that it’s funny. One of them is rather quiet but can be a bit blunt and has bizarre interests. What I’ve come to love about her is how loyal and generous she is. It was fulfilling to see her gain more friends throughout the years. The other one is a shy girl who’s always a bit unsure of herself. She’s also very sweet but very logical in the way she thinks (and sometimes overthinks) that it’s interesting to see her perspective on things (even if there are times that I disagree). I like hearing her stories about work and when she tells me when she does things that are out of her comfort zone. The last one is the one I’m probably on the same wavelength as (probably because we’re both INFJs? I dunno). I don’t get to talk to her a lot because she kind of comes and goes haha. She’s probably the most mysterious because she doesn’t reveal a lot about herself but I love talking to her about life and random stuff. We kind of have sessions that we talk about anything for a long period of time and then she kind of disappears for a while until the next session. I’ve come to accept that about her.  

My two male friends are also very different. One of them I frequently call Bestie or Satan or Susan to annoy him (he’s gotten used to it now that I need to change tactics) is kind of like a go-to person for new content of anime/manga, movies or whatever. He kind of likes a lot of the same things I do. Underneath the bullying and crass behavior, he kind of cares in his own way (even if he tries to deny it). Similar sense of humor so the shows and shit we like are similar. He’s really smart but also really lazy but also really lucky so it balances out. We talk a lot about work these days which is very different from the times we were trying to outshine each other in procrastination back in med school. 

The last friend tbh is the most difficult one to talk about. I want to talk about what I liked and miss about this friendship though.He kind of lives in a world of his own. He’s the unconventional type. He’s awkward and often misunderstood (but sometimes he’s so unaware that I have to admit it’s kind of his fault too). He has a lot going on though which I try to understand (try is the keyword here because there were times it’s an active effort). What I really loved though is that with this person I have felt most at ease in a way. Kind of those people that it’s okay not to talk when you’re around them but you’re also comfortable enough to talk about yourself when you wanted to. I’ve always been fascinated and appreciative of how creative he is and how much he knows. We also shared a few common hobbies and he’s a really nice movie buddy. He listens when you talk (but can sometimes zone out but it’s ok) and his sense of humor I also jive with. I can’t claim to fully know him or understand him but I loved spending time with him and trying to get to know him. I was extremely proud and happy when I heard that he got accepted to the training program he wanted. 

There’s actually a lot more people and friends who made med school so happy and colorful but this is already a long post and I’ve indulged myself way too much with this. I really just want to be appreciative of all the people who I saw and interacted with everyday for the past few years.I have the time to reflect and see much fun I had and what I learned from them and what they contributed to my life. All this free time is thinking time anyway.

[wallbrat]

Felicia

I Intro I read a lot. I research. I pay attention to the news. I do a lot of fact checking. I have 10 to 15 news sources and the news I pay attention to is domestic and international. I spend hours fact checking because people lie. I also make mistakes. If you can prove to me, logically, that I’m wrong, I’ll admit it, apologize and write a retraction. Keep all of this in mind as you continue. II History I’m a student of history. My favorite periods are Ancient and Medieval, however, I’ll read about any period. I spent a few years digging into WWII because my Grandfathers served then. For the last few months I’ve been focused on WWI and the Spanish Flu. The H1N1 virus got it’s nickname not because of where it originated. Spain was neutral and wasn’t under media censorship like the countries fighting the war. Anything detracting from the war effort was not allowed so the news you saw then was not impartial. Spain, however, reported on a disease that was killing people. While H1N1 impacted us in 1918 and 1919, there were reports of it back in 1915. Yes, our government knew about it and restricted the information because of the war effort. The H1N1 virus hit America in three waves, the second wave being the worst. A deadlier strain of H1N1 surfaced and was spread by the massive troop movements of the war. It’s been said that the dropping of the quarantine restrictions are what caused the second wave and that’s incorrect. While it was a small factor, the troop movements are what spread the new strain. The cramped conditions and the malnutrition among the soldiers hastened the spread. It’s estimated that 500 million people died from H1N1. While that doesn’t sound devastating today, in 1918 that was about one third of the world population. The transmission vectors for H1N1 and Covid-19 are similar and a century of time doesn’t tend to change that. While we lack the troop movements and the conditions of WWII, we more than make up for that with our transportation technology. If that technology had been present in 1918, the death toll would have been much higher. We’ve been extremely lucky so far, yet stupidity is attempting to alter that. III Rampant Stupidity Why do we refuse to learn from the mistakes of the past? We have people protesting, with loaded guns, because they want a hair cut. Instead of throwing these morons in jail, they are allowed to continue in their stupidity. I have a few questions for these paragons of questionable intelligence. Where did you get your medical degrees? What? You don’t have medical degrees? OK. Then your Google Fu must be strong. What? You didn’t use Google? Where are you getting your information then? Ahh, I see. It all becomes clear to me now. This is not about politics and it never has been. These shining examples of American arrogance are simply angry because they’re being told what to do. They think they know more than the experts and they rage against any kind of restriction. Instead of doing what they need to do to protect their families and themselves, they prove their stupidity by endangering everyone around them. If people are still wondering why I view humanity as a failed experiment, this is a perfect example. IV The CDC I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on TV. They have advanced degrees that qualify them to advise us on disease, contrary to what some might choose to believe. Science is fact. Disbelief of science does not invalidate it. In the middle of a pandemic, these are the people I'm going to listen to. Our politicians have no more training in this than I do and out President is less than worthless. To the idiots protesting: No. Your Google Fu is not strong. You're not a scientist or a doctor of anything. If you won't protect others by doing what you're told then stay away from me an mine. I'm 54 years old with a stressed immune system. I follow what's been laid down because I refuse to put you at risk. I could be asymptomatic, meaning I could have the virus and have no symptoms. Having no symptoms does not entitle me to disregard the advice of the experts. Your Pastor or Priest is no more an expert than you are. Some churches ignored the restrictions and what happened to them? Many got sick and others died that may not have if they had done what they were told. V Trumpus Defectus To be clear, our president is neither insane or damaged. He simply doesn't care about you. As long as you vote for him, you could die immediately after casting that vote. He's a billionaire and you're not therefore you're beneath his notice. You don't care about the feelings of a bug when you step on it and that's all you are to him. He's been trained that way since birth. Most of the other billionaires are just like him, he's simply in the public spotlight. Most of the older politicians are no better than he is. They've been bought and paid for decades ago. The sooner we realize that we're nothing more than voting numbers to them, the sooner we can actually make our votes mean something. VI The Economy Money is nothing but ones and zeros in a computer. The dollar is worth what those computers say it is. The economy should have been shut down completely, No money, no revenue, no bills yet everything continues. We could have stayed home, ordered what we needed until this virus burns itself out. Afterwards we could have restarted things, there would have been no penalties and everyone would have been fine. If we had done that it would have restructured the economy, which is exactly why it wasn't done. Another option would have been to turn all of the billionaires into millionaires. Take everything that the filthy rich have, above $500 million, and use it to pay the American people to stay home. We don't need billionaires or the class distinctions they create. It's obvious why this wasn't done. VII Mental Restructuring Since I can't give our country the mental ass kicking it so desperately needs I have to focus inwards. While I'd like to say that this is by choice, it was forced by recent events. Few things are more painful than discovering, or feeling, that you're insignificant in the scheme of things. During a pandemic, our focus should, understandably, on our families and ourselves. Survival is paramount. Understanding that, with the exception of two people, I've done all of the reaching out to make sure that people are OK. These are the same two people that poke ate me if I've been quiet for too long so I wasn't surprised that they reached out first. I'm not a needy, whiny bastard. I'm fairly self-sufficient, I can order what I need and I'm a fairly good cook. Pumpkin, Onyx and I are fine alone, especially since I'm not a big fan of humanity in general. I love certain people but humanity, as a whole, is a lost cause. I didn't reach out for personal connection. I did it see how my friends were doing mentally. The Covid-19 situation has been tough on everyone, especially those of us with mental illnesses. I'm 54 years old with ADHD, Anxiety, Depression and three hernias requiring surgery, which explains the stressed immune system. If it wasn't for the fact that my meds had been increased a month or two before this happened, this situation would have broken me. Two people checking up on me would not have been enough to stop me from imploding. I would have been reduced to a gibbering mess because of the stress or I'd be dead. I'm fine because I noticed a couple of things about five months ago and I consulted my doctor about it. Most people in this situation aren't as lucky as I am, which is why I reach out. Having only two people that bothered to make sure I was OK was eye opening. I'm forced to reevaluate why certain people are in my life and who remains. VIII Bye, Felicia This has honestly been coming for a long time. There are people that only contact me when they want something, usually money. There are others that don't do anything. It's past time to do some pruning. I don't like giving up on people which is why I've avoided this for so long. There are some that are immune to this. My three adoptive sisters in my local area and the ones I love who are out of state. CA, WA, CO, UT, WI, WY, LA, TN, TX, GA, NJ, NY, NH and MD. Wow. Apparently I love more people than I thought I did. They know who they are. If not then they aren't paying attention. If I contact you or interact with you, in any fashion other than work, then I probably love you. Toxic people are leaving as I can't afford to keep them around. Stupidity is also making an exit. Stupidity is Willful Ignorance so why would I want them around to begin with? I have a perfect example of both. There's a post circulating on Facecrack. This one states that the plight of the jews in the Nazi concentration camps is comparable to the Covid-19 quarantine. An old friend shared that on my timeline. If he had been anyone else, I would have deleted and blocked him without hesitation. The only reason he remains is that I've known him for 38 years. I'm waiting to see what he does next. Student of history, remember? I studied WWII in depth so that means that I know more about the concentration camps than most people. The jews were herded there a variety of ways, primarily by train. They were tortured, experimented on, starved, brutalized, a huge number of them were gassed to death and those are actually the high points. It was much worse than I'll ever be able to properly describe and in no way is it even remotely similar to our quarantine. Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequence. We're all free to say anything that we want to. We just need to be prepared for the repercussions that arise. If anyone else is stupid enough to share something like that on my timeline, or share it any other place that I can see, they are gone. No questions asked. All anyone needs to do to understand the difference between the two situations is to read a US history book that covers WWII. Posting crap like means that you're choosing to ignore basic evidence. I have no room for anyone like that so Bye, Felicia. IX Best vs Worst This situation can bring out the best or worst in people. You can rise to the occasion or you can sink into depravity. There are plenty of example of both around us. I'm working from home. My bills remain paid. My cats and I are fed and safe. I choose to help where I can. While it's true that I have little faith in humanity, that doesn't mean that I have to circle the drain with the rest of them. I will always try to help those around me. I've been extremely fortunate during this and that should be shared with those that are struggling. This is going to get worse before it gets better. I hope I'm wrong yet there are reports of increases in the infection rate where businesses are being reopened. The last thing we need is a second wave but I'm afraid it may happen. X Dystopia I look around and I have to wonder if we're ever going to grow up as a species. We keep making the same mistakes decade after decade. It's a wonder that we haven't blown ourselves off of the planet. The truth is that this is already a Dystopian society. It's not as bad as the examples we see in movies and on TV yet we are moving towards that. Compared to 20 years ago, we have less privileges now than we did then. We gave them away in exchange for the illusion of safety. We have privileges, not rights. Rights don't exist and are simply an invention to make us feel superior. If it can be taken away, it's a privilege. XI Conclusion While that last part was a little darker than I intended, it is true. I write, primarily, to relieve stress and to clear out my head. It gets pretty cramped in there otherwise. While this won't win me any friends, I may actually post this. My life needs some simplifying anyway. Namaste

[ammi-ka-shehzada]

“1995. I was 16. He was 17. We saw each other for the first time in front of Copper Kettle in Liberty Market Lahore. He was a friend of my cousin’s and they met briefly while I waited next to the car. He thought I looked like a snob and I thought he seemed too chummy. So “hmph” teenage moment!

We met off and on with the cousin but never got along. Snob vs too chummy didn’t stand a chance!

1997. I was 18. He was 19.

I was in my BA 3rd year. He still hadn’t completed his A levels...moment of silence there.

I took his number from the same cousin and called him one night in June to talk about something pestering me. Something I knew only he could help with. Incidentally he was alone at home and free.

So, as fate would have it, the snob girl and the chummy boy ended up chatting the entire night. Something which is quite a heroic achievement in the times of one landline a house. That too in the TV lounge and Amma Abba’s surveillance at its peak.

Bharpoor taaliaan!

The next few days we ( separately in our own lives) couldn’t help but think of how well we got along in that one chat. It was actually as comfortable as chuddy buddies.

So. A few days later I, the cheeti ( as my sister called me later) called him again! From the same landline ( it was an orange phone I still remember that. I still remember his phone number also) and from the same TV lounge. Guess what? Yes! Another all night chat. But drop scene yeh huwa ke meri walida mohtarima aa gayeen subha 5 bajay. She didn’t exactly figure out what was happening but of course antennas were up. And Mr Rana ki to sitti gum ho gayee (which he told me later). He said he walked outside on the road at 5 am for hours panicking that I may be in trouble.

Later in the day he walked to a PCO to call and check if all is well. The phone kept ringing and shutting until I picked it up. And a voice said “Sarah?” I said “ uhh no” He said “just wanted to check are you ok?” I said “Yes”.

Relief for him.

Giddy smile for me,

And that was it.

Two telephone conversations later we were both 100% certain that we wanted to get married.

Why?

Because it was just so easy to talk to each other. We are the absolute opposites when it comes to personalities, like & dislikes, habits and general approach to things. But, we were both so sure. The kind of bond we had was special, and we couldn’t let go of it. 23 years later, this one fact still holds true.

Acha jee. Ayen na zara practical zindagi main. Jag jayen thora. 19 sala Hero A levels kar raha hai. Theek hai na? Interest kis cheez main hai? Theatre main. Operation theatre nahin. Drama wala theatre. Theek ho Gaya? Heroine BA kar rahee hai. 3 sisters and an EXTREMELY strict and conservative household. Fauji abba. Elder sister engaged. Matlab ke next in line to get married and Amma Abba completely clear on the fact that 1 acha rishta and baat done and beti ko tata bye bye. Parhayee etc sab 2nd priority.

Kher. Nazreen waqt ka pahiyya chalta raha. BA ho gaya. Lekin hero A levels main fail ho gaya. Bijlian gir gayeen armaanon par. His result came out the day my best friend was getting married. Crying my eyes out was easy because it got camouflaged behind my missing her. Everyone thought she was so lucky to have me as her best friend My Masters degree began and he enrolled in a local foundation course for an external degree.

My elder sister got married matlab tamaam topon ka rukh kahani ki heroine ki taraf. Rishtay atay rahay lekin waapis bhee bhee rahay, Shukar Alhamdullillah! Never did rejection feel so good!

1999.

He told his mother kyunke bairooni maddad ki zaroorat par chukki thee. Aik rishta serious ho gaya tha. Army Captain. I wonder where he is now...ok. Focus. His mother was super supportive. I collected the himmat to confide in my mother. Jhaar pari lekin qayamat nahin ayee. Baree hee maharat se donon walidas to milwaya. Makhan lagaya. Kiya nahin Kiya. They both said ok we will help you. Plan yeh tha ke my Ami will defer potential rishtas and his mother will bring the rishta as soon as he nears graduation and can talk to Abu with some grace.

Took a promise from us that we strictly follow boundaries.

No exclusive meetings.

No one should be able to see us together.

No compromise on this.

And we remained true to our word.

Now when I think of it I feel SO good about us. I kept studying. He tried studying and kept doing theatre. Started debate coaching with the initial pay of Rs. 5000.

2000.

My Masters done. Itni parhi likhi qabil heroine. Hero ka final year. Finally!!! Rishta aa gaya and came the million dollar question “yeh larka Akhir karta kiya hai?!” Start of a new era of daily discussions and many at times fights of Abu saying this is insane and Ami supporting me ( how sweet).

2001.

Finally a graduate. Hero found a job of 13000 Rs. Wasn’t great but I was ready to marry an unemployed man to Yeh to lottery thee. I started working. With almost the same pay...and Somehow, after two years of convincing and case pleading we got engaged on the 1st of January 2002. By far that day is, even now, the happiest day of my life. If anyone asks me that question, the first image that pops in my head is that night. It was surreal...honestly it was just meant to be. There was nothing going in our favour but somehow it happened.

Understanding yeh huwee the shadi araaam Se ho gee. Obviously hero was 23 years old!!! But dekhain, dulhan 22 kee thee na...and that’s OLD in a conservative, Punjabi family. To naya katta khul gaya na. My parents wanted it over and done with ASAP and his parents were reluctant. I can understand both sides but qeema kis ka bun raha tha? Aik saal main tension peak par pohanch gayee aur wohee huwa jo filmi stories main hota hai. Hero ko laga unn ke Amma Abba ki “insult” ho rahee hai and unhon ne mangni tor dee... jee haan!!! 🥁🥁🥁

Lekin heroine ki dhittayee par to medal banta hai. ( My sister suggested that I should talk to Abu. Matlab ke khud kush Hamla). Aadhi raat ko ja kar Abba ko jagaya aur bhaaan bhaaan kar ke dukhi kahani sunayee. Felix felicious feeling thee seriously. He heard me. And somehow promised to take care of everything. And he did. Date set ho gayee. Aglay saal ki! 365 days later. That one year was torturous. Because both set of parents were extremely upset with each other and both of us were constantly playing peace makers with one goal. Countdown to 365 days...it was exhausting!

But main ne bhoolne nahin diya hero ko ke mangni main ne jori. Jee Haan. Pehli call bhee main ne hee kee thee. I’m sure he mutters under his breath “why did you?”. Acha jee six months before the big day, Mr Rana decided to quit his job and pursue acting. Chalo jee. Naya sayapa. To huwa Kiya? Everyone discouraged him. Except me. But he wanted to satisfy his parents and went to UAE for a job hunt. Nope. No luck. Came back and announced that whatever it takes I am going to pursue my first love. Theatre and acting. And there was no turning back. Nautankee it was!Amma Abba told me clearly ke soch lo. There is no certainty or future for theatre or acting in Pakistan. All my life I’ve been answering the wretched question “So what does he ACTUALLY do?” Lekin kahan jee. Nothing hits home when you’re in “lurvvve”. He assured me that he will make me the happiest girl on earth. I believed him.

2003.

To kar li shaadi.

We were the happiest people alive. I honestly have seen VERY few couples as happy on their wedding day as we were. We were actually on cloud 9. Ready to take on anything that life brings. Anything.

Early marriage days were an absolute dream come true. We felt that all hardships are behind us and we have conquered everything in life. If we can do this, whatever life brings will be easy! Life with him for me actually meant a fairy tale. I was the stupid, naive, day dreaming princess and he was my Prince Charming, equally young and naive. He was supposed to whisk me away from a life of curfews, restrictions and boundaries to a house where I could paint the town red! From the house that didn’t allow me to laugh loudly and clap without a reason to a house where dancing to random songs was daily routine. Without any occasion or reason.

The fact that we paid for a 2 day stay at PC Bhurban with our salamis was a matter of pride for us. We still talk about how we sat down on day 3 and counted if we can stay another night, which we couldn’t and came back.

Happily.

The first few months were like a daze. With no luxuries but plain joy. We had so much fun. Just being together. Nothing mattered. Driving to work in the morning chatting chirpily, watching TV with dinner, going for groceries. Finding joy in the smallest of moments. Will our car ( a 3rd hand Alto) start or not in the morning was a daily bet of ours. The fact that our entire pay ( both) was spent completely on basic necessities was a matter of pride for us. Watching late night movies with a pizza was an absolute luxury!

I was willing to face anything with him. For him. When our car’s windshield smashed during a toofan we didn’t have extra cash. Omair won 10000 Rs at a theatre festival the very next week and we got it repaired. Drove around for days with no windshield and we still laugh about it 🙂

But things started going downhill a few months later. My super comfortable relationship with my mother in law turned bitterly toxic, for reasons incomprehensible to me ( at least then).

My 29 year old elder sister suffered a brain hemorrhage in UK and was in the hospital for months. In and out of surgeries before coming around but her movement was affected for life.

My parents and younger sister went on rotation to be with her while I stayed back because I was “someone else’s wife” now so he was supposed to take decisions for me. Finances became a big issue so I took tuitions to save money and go visit her.

Omair found a better job and kept doing some TV work on the side but it was a struggle with nothing to fall back on. My heart would be with my sister but I would act jolly because “ghar ka mahaul kharab hota hai”. He decided to study and applied to LUMS for an MBA and started preparing for GMAT, which meant greater financial stress one me. But I stood by him. He didn’t get in ( a behteri in hind sight). The constant stress affected my gynea system... I actually didn’t feel like having a child because I was just so unhappy...and the uncertainty of life, my sister’s health, my parent’s stress and his career had started getting to me. But it had been three “LONG” years, and that gullible version of me caved in to pressure and we started treatment. What followed was two years of scans and injections and tablets and all the side effects that come with it.

2007. Eventually, an IUI worked and Rayaan came along. In bitter reality Rayaan was my clean chit in the eyes of the society that I am “complete”. I did not feel any gushing love for him. Omair on the other hand was over the moon! He has not loved anyone like he’s loved Rayaan. He is born to be a father. And that was a blessing, because Rayaan got the love he deserved from Baba while Amma was busy fighting her battles. The toxic relationship with my mother in law turned unbearable, I almost had a nervous breakdown and we moved out. It was ugly.

Omair didn’t have a job at this time. We had an infant and no worldly possessions at all except my jewellery and bedroom furniture. Fun fact: I had no jahez. Omair’s family made is 100% clear that there will be no jahez. Full marks to them there.

In these 4 years the ONLY thing that kept me sane was Omair, his humour, and our friendship. In these years we became even closer friends than before. He would listen to me silently if ever I felt like venting my heart out. Mostly I tried to keep it in because I didn’t want to upset him. Just silent hand holding was so comforting when he didn’t have any words of tassalli for me. He didn’t share his stress because HE didn’t want to stress me out.(This is when I realized strongly how the man is the worst hit in a conflict between his wife and mother. Made a mental note of never ever letting my son go through this. I hope I remember this by the time that time comes)). We cared for each other as friends before anything else and kept going...We have always been more of friends than anything else.

Something that caused huge problems later because married people need to be husband and wife, behave like a couple, argue like a couple and demand stuff like a couple. But we thought as long as we can communicate openly, make each other laugh, never dream of hurting the other and never go to bed angry, all is well.

This man has made me laugh at the toughest of times and has always ALWAYS been kind. That alone is something I cannot thank Allah enough for.

2008.

This marked the year for us actually starting from scratch. I sold some of my jewellery to buy furniture (Something I confided in Omair much later and he still hates this fact) crockery and appliances. We used up all of our savings. We set up a two room portion far away from the city which we called home for two years. I remember someone bringing flowers which I put in a balti because there was no vase. Meals were on the floor. We used to leave home at 645 daily to drop Rayaan to day care ( eternally grateful to The Early Years ) and get to our jobs. I was teaching at several places and so was he. We were shuttling between jobs all day. Only to return in the evening exhausted, showered ( if we had the energy), have omelette toast and crash. All this was just making ends meet, pay rent, bills, Rayaan’s fee, basic grocery and NO savings. Eating out was out of the question. But we were SO very happy.

It was unbelievable.

Even now when we look back the two years at “26 M” were the warmest, coziest, happiest ever. I actually found out what people mean when they say money isn’t everything. I learnt to love my baby boy who was an absolute Godsend. He took his first steps on that terrace. We got heat strokes from the hot weather but still managed to smile. The first sofa set we bought was second hand, for Rs 4000, which Omair refused to give away till 3 years ago.

The beds in the 2nd room were given by a dear friend for free. We shared the bills. Since we couldn’t eat out much I experimented with a lot of cooking (Dalda ka dastarkhwan was my saheli in those days).

Sharing financial and household responsibilities was never ever a problem between us. It was always “our” money, our responsibilities. We were both fighting our separate battles of the move ( we really never wanted to move away from his parents and this was very painful for both of us differently) but we never fought over it. Everything was always so civil and so comfortable.

2010.

We moved to a better place. Things settled a bit vis a vis work. Him and mine both. Slowly the ice started melting with my in laws ( things now are 100% ok. Yeah. That also happens. A lot of the credit goes to my parents in law here. But that’s a separate post) Slowly and steadily we made a home.

Right now, I’m sitting in our TV lounge of the home we’ve been in since 2010. And when I look around, every single thing that I can see has been bought by us personally.

Alhamdullillah.

Allah has been so unbelievably kind. If I say that we have actually built a home from scratch together, it’ll be 100% true. From a teaspoon to the TV to the car. Everything. But we still remember the first 5000 he earned and the third hand Red Alto whose floor collapsed while we were driving it. Flintstones!!!!

2011. I had my miscarriage.

2012.

This was the year we lost our twins in the 33rd week.

What followed was a complete fallout between us.

Oddly enough...We were heartbroken, more for each other than our own selves. I struggled desperately to deal with everything that follows after losing a child. But I failed miserably because of my combination of “I have to be strong”, “ I should always be grateful”, and “ everything happens for a reason” and “I need to be there for him”, and “Look how much pain my sister has gone through, this is nothing”.. But my body wasn’t agreeing with my mind and I fell critically ill.

Hospitalized for weeks while doctors struggled to figure out the problem. Eventually managed to come out of it Alhamdullillah but it took its toll on our relationship.

We drifted apart although he looked after me with such care that it makes my heart melt every time I think about it. But we both knew that it wasn’t the same.

For reasons we both knew and understood but didn’t have the courage to talk about. Since we were such close friends, we both understood the other’s thinking process and we let each other be. It was like parallel lives. We came home to each other, never stopped loving each other but we started living our own lives. Professionally we both grew but as “us” we stopped moving.

Now, when I see couples making this mistake I make it a point to tell them. Ask them to talk it out. Understanding each other’s struggles and giving each other too much space at the cost of your own happiness can cause irreversible damage.

This lack of communication is something I regret in hindsight. Something that went on for years and something that caused our marriage to almost end at one point...We didn’t even talk about what we were going through with anyone either.

No One.

Because our go to person was us...to kiya kartay?

But, yet again, guess what came to our rescue? Dosti. We just couldn’t give up on the dosti. No matter how much time we spent with other people, we just couldn’t help but miss what we have.

And what we have is extraordinary.

We feel at home with each other.

And that is irreplaceable.

You know the person who can look at you and understand what you are about to say? That’s us.

Home is where your heart is, and our hearts belong to each other. Three C sections and he stayed with me at the hospital. You want your mother around at that time and I wanted him. He’s changed countless pampers, done night duties with the kids, cooked breakfast for me, cleaned, dusted, changed linen, gotten furniture poshish done, taken me shopping infinite times, waited patiently while I got my threading done only so we can take a drive together, bought sanitary napkins, taken me for Falooda at midnight, you name it. He made me open my first personal bank account and asked me to put all my salary in it instead of the joint account, he’s never asked me how much I earn, never told me I’m fat ( and I’ve been fat!!!). Always disregarded comments about how “young” he looks compared to me. Something I have let bother me for years before growing up and not giving a rat’s ass eventually.

We’ve never ever argued in front of the kids. He’s always given me the lead in parenting, trusting every single decision I take as a mother, and never made me feel bad for the bad ones (there are quite a few).

He’s never stopped talking to me although I tend to give him the “silent treatment” quite a few times. He’s supported me most in my work. Helped me through the tightest spots professionally. I have grown as a person with him. I have learnt from him what it means to truly forgive someone, to be non judgmental, to drop one’s agenda and focus on the bigger picture. People say it about their fathers, and as much as I love my Abu with all my heart, my husband gave me wings to fly and the courage to follow my dreams.

He’s actually one of a kind.

Completely secure.

Non judgmental.

Hospitable and generous to the core.

Genuinely happy for everyone’s success and happiness.

Humble.

A truly happy person who wakes up every morning to live life to its fullest!

A truly loving father.

A genuinely caring son.

An absolutely accommodating husband.

A wholeheartedly loving brother.

A friend in need.

I’ve spent years being scared of Nazar and bad luck by telling people how blessed I feel, every moment of my life, but not right now. I feel if many people will jinx this, enough people will be happy for us and make the bad nazar nuetral 🙂 I think the world deserves to know this side of the coin as well.

There ARE men who are plain GOOD men. And I have been infinitely lucky to have one of them. I may become overwhelmed with fear in a few days though. I’m unpredictable in this department 🧿

My love story is rather simple.

I simply decided to marry my best friend. My best friend decided to marry his. And we really wouldn’t have it any other way. He calls me his “best mistake”. I still can’t decide if that’s a compliment or not I consider him “my lucky break” in life.

We haven’t had a marriage which revolves around expensive presents, holiday destinations or lavish surprise birthday parties but we have a marriage which has survived the test of time. It is based on years of honesty, trust, hard work and respect. We have both invested in it. Yes I have invested a lifetime in this relationship as well. I have compromised and given in countless times. Cried myself to sleep and wept in the shower. There have been numerous ugly downs in these 23 years...but the beautiful ups have been more than numerous. The laughters are actually infinite.

Alhamdullillah.

The most important thing is that we haven’t kept any scores. Who needs to keep a score when we both get to win in the end?”

-shared by Ms. Maira Omair Rana

Copied from facebook page: Humans of Kinnaird.

[lux-astrorum]

If you want to, you should post a rant about your experiences in Korea, I'm curious

ok to be honest I do love Seoul so much, but I’ve just been really emotionally tired lately. even though I’ve lived here for 15 months now it feels kind of like I’ve gone full-circle in the last year and I’m experiencing culture shock all over again in some ways? except this time instead of encountering these things for the first time, now it’s more like I’m just tired of dealing with them and it’s just getting under my skin. I’m sick of being the only foreign teacher AND the youngest teacher at my school in a very age-centric society, which means that I’m just expected to go along with everything all the time even though I’m always out of the loop and nothing ever gets explained to me, and I get treated like an incompetent baby all the time -OR- people expect me to understand absolutely everything and know about everything even when there’s no reason I should. I’m tired of fighting against a language barrier with every single person around me every single day and people assuming that I’m either perfectly fluent in Korean or that I can’t understand a single word. I’m disgusted by men who sit in the pink seats on the subway reserved for pregnant women. I’m disgusted by plastic surgery ads EVERYWHERE that make women (and men) look like anime dolls. I’m tired of having to make small talk with people who “just want to practice their English, can I have your phone number???”, people who don’t actually care about me as a person they just saw a foreigner and were like “It’s free English!” I’m tired of crowded subways and everyone pushing and shoving without apologies everywhere I walk and not having personal space. I’m sick of old ladies staring at me and leaning over and covering their mouths to whisper something to their husbands or friends when they see me (or worse, just saying it outright and assuming I won’t know). I’m tired of aggressive salespeople trained to be pushy with foreigners and tourists. I’m tired of the endless rallies and boycotts and scandals and anger and complaining. I’m sick of breathing carcinogenic air that’s thick with dust and chemical pollution. My heart is broken from having to watch old people squatted on the sidewalk or subway station selling trinkets trying to survive (Korea’s rate of elderly poverty is extremely bad), from watching career men and women on their commutes look frazzled and hurried and exhausted in this work- and business-driven burnout culture, from watching women and girls plaster their faces with foundation that’s noticeably several shades too light, from hearing my perfectly healthy-looking coworkers talk about how they can’t eat a full meal at lunch because they have to diet, and from having to hear my students as young as 8 years old tell me every single day that they’re tired and sleepy, and from knowing that my sixth grade students are already worried about taking their college entrance exam in high school, and from watching students with developmental delays or mental disabilities be expected by the teachers to sit in silence alone and not participate in the class in any way, and from hearing a fifth grade girl tell me “You’re so lucky to be American; Americans have such free minds and really believe they can do or become anything, but people here don’t think that way.” ...And lately I’m also cold and grumpy all day because for some reason the school buildings in a first-world country aren’t centrally heated. 

but in spite of all that, I do love Korea more than I can say and I’m so glad that I came and that I decided to stay an extra year. I’ve had such a great time in the last 15 months, discovered so much about myself, learned a ton, became a lot healthier physically, seen so many K-pop concerts and Korean hip-hop acts perform in person, and I wouldn’t take it back in a million years or trade it for anything. tbh lately I just really miss the USA a lot, because it’s where I was born and where I grew up and where my whole family was born & grew up, and so it’s my home in a way that Korea or anywhere else never can be. obviously the US is fucked up in all its own ways, some ways similar to here and some different, but if there’s anything I’ve learned from living here it’s that no country is some perfect, ideal dreamworld society, every country is facing their own problems and socio-cultural issues. I also feel like I was pretty open-minded and sympathetic towards immigrants and foreigners in the states before but BOY OH BOY, mad props to anyone who packs up their whole life and takes it somewhere else because that shit is HARD and in ways that no one else except other people who have done the same thing can understand. and I’m even moving BACK home after 2 years away, like I can’t imagine permanently relocating to the other side of the world tbh. 

tl;dr - 

사랑과 미움이 같은 말이면 I love you, Seoul

사랑과 미움이 같은 말이면 I hate you, Seoul

[brrentslewis-blog]

Ideal Slim Recensioni Vere

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Toshinori Yagi // All Might

Age: 49 (Izuku’s first year at U.A.) Aliases: All Might Date of Birth: 6/10 Place of Birth: Tokyo, Japan Ethnicity: 3/4 Japanese, 1/8 Caucasian, 1/8 Unknown (Generally accepted mix of types of West European, Native American, and possibly some Latin) Nationality: Japanese Species: Artificial Metahuman (Emitter-Type)

Appearance Toshinori is a man whose appearance changes significantly throughout his lifetime, broadly speaking he has three variants on his appearance that are recognizable through his lifetime. These are prior to his quirk’s fuller manifestation (before and while he was training to master One for All, Young Might for shorthand), the period in which he was in his physical peak or using his quirk following this time (Tall Might for the purposes of distinction), and the form All Might took when his quirk wasn’t in use following his battle with All for One and during his retirement (Small might, again for the sake of distinction).

Qualities that are consistent among all portrayals of All Might is that he’s generally considered very tall, if not for his age in general, standing over 7 feet tall at his heights. Even in regards to his time as Small Might, he generally only seems far shorter than he likely is due to excessive slouching and the illusion of lost size due to his lack of muscle mass. Toshinori is also well-known for having a very distinct mane of blonde hair, naturally being wild in the top and back, with bangs tending to form above his forehead, usually framing his face, though he’ll often style it into a sort of more windswept style while appearing as the Symbol of Peace. Most recognizable among his qualities are Toshinori’s light blue eyes, though later surrounded by black sclera that is the result of a Support-Gear mishap.

As Young Might, Toshinori was an unassuming young man, leaning on the tall side throughout middle school, with an unimpressive build. During this time he’d developed something of a complex when it came to his quirkless nature, and as a result he often carried himself with very little confidence. However, even at this young age, his smile was still something remarkable and noteworthy. In subsequent years, after he gained his quirk, Toshinori would grow to fill out his costumes better, and develop muscle mass that would someday lead to his most iconic appearance.

During his time as Tall Might he had become quite an imposing figure, with a broad build, and huge muscles, and a very angular face that allows shadow to cast easily along his features, skewing his eyes from sight. Generally he must receive his clothing on a made-to-fit basis, due to his unusual size or build, or otherwise must obtain them at specialty stores for particularly large men, or for mutative quirks that caused atypical needs for clothing. All Might’s costumes are usually very bright in design, with patterns that highlight his physique, frequently accompanied by a cape of some fashion. As a teacher at U.A., All Might would also often wear a pinstriped suit with golden jacket and pants, with a blue necktie.

Most starkly unrecognizable from any other phase of life in Yagi’s life, though, is the persona known as Small Might. While nothing much has particularly changed about his tastes by this point, he has become extremely slight in build, with his muscles having lost almost all of their bulk and retained still very little toning as well, and possessing an appearance often likened to that of a skeleton. A perceived loss of height occurs in this state for Toshinori, due to his reduced musculature. This is often emphasized by a pronounced hunch in his stature, and the way in which clothes that snugly fit Tall Might tend to hang off of Small Might. Notable to this version of Toshi’s appearance is a significant series of injury and surgically-inflected scars along his left side. These scars essentially center at the leftmost part of his chest and encompass to nearly down his hips. These injuries indicate a severely damaged respiratory system, which sabotages All Might’s ability to fight for long lengths of time, and the loss of his stomach, which permanently has impacted his ability to eat and gain nutrients necessary to maintain his previous condition. A result of these injuries and surgeries is that when his blood pressure rises too much, often in the case of surprise, Toshinori will often vomit blood.

Personality Toshinori Yagi is possessed of an inexplicable sense of justice, wishing to see good triumph evil, especially in a world where it seemed that evil and power would be that to allow someone such as him, without a quirk, to truly prevail. It was through this sense of justice that he developed the goal to become a pillar of hope for all, a symbol of peace that could serve to comfort and inspire others. While he truly and sincerely cares for fair play and what’s right in the world, this is still tempered by an understanding that the world isn’t fair, and that truly horrible things happen, and that the inherent unfairness of society is something that all heroes must prepare themselves for.

While outwardly, particularly when in public view, All Might is extremely boisterous and go-lucky, the true man is very serious, not being the type who particularly cares for having a lot of attention directed towards himself. This seriousness turns to more a somber and melancholic tone during the years following his battle with All for One, but preceding those in which he named Izuku his successor. This was thanks to a feeling of hopelessness as the feeling of the roaring inferno that once dwelt within Toshinori was weakening, as his body had begun to fail him, and he steadily became weaker as time went on.

This hardly made the hero a killjoy, though, as Toshinori is still a friendly enough person. In fact, he has a fairly good relationship with many of those who encountered him both in and out of his All Might persona, and years later was even willing to hear out the suggestion of his former sidekick Sir Nighteye when he had suggested Mirio as a successor for One for All. Ultimately, something that is consistent in Toshinori is his streak for optimism, and a slight penchant for oafishness, as seen when he’s frequently known to play dumb, much like Gran Torino.

While acting the part of the hero, All Might draws his persona from the American comic book stereotypes that he’d grown up on. Colorful and dramatic, with a constant grin that doesn’t seem to falter in even the most helpless of situations. Many often find him obnoxious as All Might, and even assume him to be a greater fool than he actually is. Extremely personable as a hero, All Might is often known to also get caught up individually greeting and speaking to each of his fans that he meets, even when he’s busy with other (non-emergency) tasks, such as overseeing Izuku’s training.

In the fashion that is considered by Toshinori to be a peak of heroic attitudes, All Might cares for the lives of everyone in the world, protecting others as fiercely as possible, and only ever attacking with murderous intent on the occasion of his final battles with All for One. Without thinking he has been known to rush into the front of battle in order to protect and rescue others, making All Might more than the strongest hero individually, but also what he considers to be a Rescue Specialist. And while he understands that saving everyone in the world is an impossible task, All Might will do anything it takes to save everyone, even at the cost of his own life.

This fiercely protective nature is especially evident in his interactions with his students at U.A. as indicated by one of the few times he’d ever become enraged being when The League of Supervillains had attacked the USJ. It was then, in the following battles, particularly against Nomu, that All Might’s smile turned into more of a grinning scowl.

All Might, being seen as the father of the current generation of heroes in a metaphorical sense, often takes a similar sort of attitude towards students at U.A., particularly towards his protege Izuku. He will often praise the growth of young heroes and heroes-in-training, readily offer advice when it is sought out or necessary, and often when speaking to them on a name-basis will use the term Shonen (usually “Young Man” but can also be used as simply “Young” in many contexts including this one) as an affectionate prefix to their names.

Biography (Pre-canon and addressing the years of All Might’s decline before meeting Midoriya) Toshinori was born fairly far on into the age of quirks, in a society where roughly 80% of the world had some type of quirk, to the point that in quirk hubs like Japan, his being born quirkless was considered unusual. Toshi was born to two Japanese business-people, his father was Gosen Yagi and his mother was Sansei Yagi. His father was well-known for working with clients who developed Hero Support Gear independently, soliciting companies and agencies to hire his clients as contractors so as to gain better margins, while still maintaining legal ownership of patents developed by themselves, rather than having their work belong to the Support Company in question. Sansen, meanwhile, generally worked to coordinate merchandising, branding, and other deals between hero agencies, particularly in the case of team-ups that encompassed multiple agencies, in which there is often a lot of red tape and difficulty in determining what fair shares of these types of business deals should be.

Gosen and Sansei met through mutual clients, as Gosen often managed to get work with agencies that were more willing to work with heroes of other agencies, and thus were often more willing to also solicit the work from independent contractors.

The two were very much a dichotomy, with Sansei’s motivation for her work being an altruistic one, believing that working to tear down, or at least minimize, the toxic culture of profit and abuse of privatizing heroic organizations that still received government subsidy would bring about the true golden age of heroics. Meanwhile, Gosen saw the great money and success to be found in Hero Support, and through maximizing his margins, skimming off the top, and taking aggressive contracts, he was able to create something of a small empire in the Hero Support world, and if he sometimes dealt in the black market who cared? Ultimately stronger villains and criminals could mean for a higher support of independent and cheap equipment to outfit a lot of heroes that many of his clients were known for!

Eventually Gosen and Sansei would marry after a year of dating, upon the discovery that Sansei was with child. Toshinori would soon be born, seeing the Summer and his blonde hair as an indication of a bright future.

Before he was a year old, though, Sansei would succumb to disease, having been of weak constitution, and having a difficult pregnancy, her body was just not able to fight off a number of sicknesses that ravaged her body at the same time. This would leave the boy with a single parent growing up.

Gosen was never the nurturing type to begin with, leaving Toshi with more memories of the women hired by his father to take care of him than his father himself, though Gosen was almost always home in time for dinner, which Toshi does remember distinctly. It was in these formative years that Toshi did what many children did growing up, attending school, making friends with classmates, and often being told by adults that he should give a lot of thought to what he should be growing up.

Influenced by comic books and the culture of heroes around him in these formative times, particularly when meeting pro heroes who were his father’s clients at “for-work” events that would reflect well on his father to have such a friendly and, mostly, well-adjusted child despite the absence of a mother.

As he grew up, Toshinori began to understand that a world with so many bright and colorful heroes putting their lives on the line indicated an admirable quality in these people, being that they were willing to do so much for people they’ve never met. However, it also meant that society was in a terrible place if it meant that people were frequently sacrificing their own well-being in order to ensure that every-day citizens not be hurt or taken advantage of by villains. The era of quirks that this was in experienced rising crime rates, despite the government and media trying their hardest to convince the public otherwise, it was apparent to anyone who could see this.

But such a system in which so many small lights would spark and flicker out in the wake of the suffocating darkness that still plagued this world. No, a pillar of goodness would be needed to match this darkness, and force it into the corners where they’d be at their weakest.

During his time in middle school, Toshi would encounter a woman, Nana Shimura, on multiple occasions. They were acquainted through Toshi’s farther, Gosen, attempting to convince they very prominent hero to use his client’s support gear, after having negotiated a deal with her friend and frequent team-up Gran Torino. Toshinori and Nana would talk, as he was a friendly and personable boy, and it seemed to her that he had a certain quality that reminded her of herself.

Throughout their first several meetings, each time at business affairs related to Gosen’s work, Nana hadn’t given Toshinori even a single thought when considering successors, and honestly she had been in little rush to pass One for All on yet, as her husband had not yet died, and aside from not yet defeating All for One, she had a very happy life.

It was at the end of Toshinori’s second year of middle school that things began to change. After Nana’s husband perished in an ambush that had been meant for the hero herself, Nana had sent her son into foster care, and threw herself more fully into her hero work. The death of her husband was a failing on Shimura’s part, she felt, and her sole motivation became defeating One for All, even neglecting other types of hero work, such as patrols, fighting unrelated villains, and generally being a pillar of the community, in this pursuit. In winter it was by pure happenstance that she would be roused from this fog of revenge.

In the late afternoon, by a riverbank that Toshinori would often visit in the years following, Nana noticed a familiar mane of golden hair. An unusual look in Japan, it was a no-brainer that the well-spoken son of Gosen was spending his time near the waterways. Toshi had taken to stopping by the banks to consider how things had changed, and after hearing his father tell him about the woman he’d met becoming a widow, he frequently had taken to pasting obituaries of those who died in villain attacks on the wall of bridge’s underpass.

Catching the boy as he had started to set off on his way home, the two shared a conversation, though this one was different than those in the past. But this time the conversation had managed to turn about to society, heroes, and Toshi’s plans were, since high school was around the corner.

This is when he told her that he planned to enroll into U.A. in the support course, he wanted to become a pillar of light, a symbol of peace, that could inspire others, make them feel safe, and cause them to smile. It was in this conversation that Nana had realized being a hero was beyond things like revenge, and that defeating All for One took more than simply gunning for a solitary figure of darkness and underworld evil. It took defeating all evil, because even defeating All for One would simply result in a vacuum that would be filled with another similar evil.

Over the following year Toshi would be trained by Nana to prepare for One for All. Eventually, prior to enrolling into U.A. and taking the entrance exam, Toshinori would inherit One for All, taking fairly quickly to it, being able to access a much higher percentage of it without injury, when compared to his own successor.

Abilities and Skills -Indomitable Spirit: Notable as something he possesses independent of his quirk, All Might has been shown as the type of person who won’t back down so long as he still experiences the drive to be a hero. In this he’s been able to fight past his limitations, even following his injuries, pushing his form as All Might past what Toshinori expected he could do at the time. His willpower is at its most evident when fighting Nomu and All for One, both enemies who it seemed that he wouldn’t have been able to defeat given his circumstances.

Superhuman Powers and Abilities Quirk: One for All -Power Accumulation: One half of the quirk was that of a Power Accumulation Quirk. While the specific functions of the original quirk itself are unknown to everyone but All for One and the first holder of One for All, this quirk currently functions, in its interaction with the Power Passing function of this quirk, in that it allows the quirk to accumulate power. The means by which One for All accumulates power is by passing between individuals. With each concurrent individual that the quirk passes onto the more power this quirk accumulates, having on some level been described as a sort of energy, though this may not be the greatest expressed understanding of what the quirk accumulates. What remains consistent is that the physical abilities of each successor has been greater after gaining this quirk than their predecessors, being greater than the sum of those that came before them. In addition, this power steadily accumulates the quirks of its previous users as well, though this specifically didn’t manifest until Toshinori’s successor Izuku started to unlock the quirk’s powers. Notably, the original carrier of the power accumulation quirk has also factored into this. This accumulated power can prove problematic, as the actual surge of energy inside the body can actually destroy the physical form of someone who has obtained the quirk, but doesn’t have a sufficiently strong enough body to withstand it. On the other side of that, it seems that One for All cannot be copied as a quirk, or at least used effectively, unless a quirk that mimics One for All can also mimic the accumulated energy of the quirk as well. --Physical Power Access: Each user of One for All is able to access the physical abilities and attributes of the previous quirk holders. This means that, strictly speaking, All Might has the concurrent physical ability of eight other individuals, besides his own, to utilize while fighting. However, All Might’s feats of strength, speed, and durability, far exceed what one could expect the sum of that many people, given that All Might has shown to have created explosions that impact the weather around him in a weakened state, and could be similar to that of an atomic bomb at his peak. This likely means that previous holders of One for All had physical quirks that somehow integrated their function into the quirk’s base of power, or that the power was increased by factors. Speaking to the case of the latter, it wasn’t realized that quirk functions COULD be passed by One for All until Izuku had inhreited it. In the mun’s opinion, the accumulation of power that enhances a One for All user is not literally a measure of their physical ability, and there are other factors which play into it, and that rather since it seems that the souls of its predecessors inherit the quirk to some degree, it is the sum of their being that fuels the quirk, and thereby must mean that it is the person’s being, and not solely their physicality, is what allows a One for All user to be so powerful. ---Superhuman Strength ---Superhuman Speed and Reflexes ---Superhuman Durability ---Superhuman Stamina --Physiological Limitation Enhancement: Each user of One for All uses their quirk differently, and All Might notably seems to be the physically largest and most powerful user of this quirk. In order to train to reach the limits of what he could achieve with the quirk, All Might had to push his body past a physical limit that would be considered realistic given his human biology. Therefore it stands to reason that One for All lifts the physical limits of a person’s body, and what they’re able to attain. -Quirk Bequeathment: This quirk is unique in that the user is able to pass on their quirk at will, but only the One for All quirk specifically. Through this, and the ability to accumulate power that mutated into this quirk, One for All has become a quirk that gets stronger with each passing succession. One for All cannot, currently, can be passed through the ingestion of a quirk holder’s DNA. This, with the digestion of aforementioned DNA, allows the quirk to integrate into the biology of its new possessor, granting them a weakened version of the quirk, which over time will strengthen to match, then exceed, the previous users. Although the predecessor of One for All has passed on the quirk, it seems that they have not literally lost its abilities, as previous bearers of the quirk have fought side-by-side with their successors, though the quirk does seem to grow weaker over time, or at least this was the case with Toshinori, who admittedly had been on the downturn prior to passing on his quirk to Izuku. This function of One for All has proven uniquely able to still remain under its owner’s control, however, as One for All must be willingly passed on, and simply drinking the blood of an unwitting holder of this quirk will not pass One for All onto the individual’s assaulter, as was the case when Izuku fought the Hero Killer Stain. --Predecessor Echoes: The souls of the previous users, mostly those who seem to not be alive anymore, continue to dwell within One for All. It’s through this that users of One for All seem to be able to resist mesmerizing or hypnotic effects, as the predecessors who live within One for All seem to be able to call to and rally the current successor. -Rally cry of need: It has been revealed by Toshinori in Vigilantes that a function of One for All is that the quirk seems to react to those in need, specifically their cries, serving as fuel to make the quirk stronger in the moment. It is unknown if this is the manifestation of a predecessor’s clone, or is someho0w related to the originator’s strong sense of justice.

Weaknesses and Limitations -Recoil: While All Might’s durability is greatly enhanced by his quirk, it is not to the degree that it can sustain its own maximum output without sufficient training. This is rarely an issue for Toshinori, though, as he has always been particularly talented in the use of his quirk, and thanks to there being fewer villainous attacks near him during his training period, as well as having teachers who had a better understanding of how to teach others to use their quirk, he was able to develop the fullest extent of his quirk with fewer incidents of injury. At his absolute maximum, All Might is at risk of injury if he doesn’t control his quirk appropriately, or otherwise fails to use his quirk in a way that will ensure a resistance to the shock of his own attacks, he can easily break his own bones in the process of attack. -Physical Condition: One for All is a quirk which relies heavily on its user’s physical condition, and this is made especially evident during the time of All Might’s decline, as well as during Izuku’s training. Accordingly, All Might’s quirk recedes and shores in raw power according to his current physical condition. This means that presently All Might is 60x weaker (by his own estimation) -Power Accumulation: The nature of One for All is that it’s a quirk which relies on energy that it’s collected from previous users, initially believed to solely be the physical abilities of its users, this has later been revealed to also include the quirks of predecessors. Due to having not accumulated enough of that energy along the path to All Might, who is the eighth, All Might is unable to access the quirks of previous users.

Equipment and Support Gear -Costumes: All Might has used a number of costumes over his careers. These costumes have all been uniquely designed from materials by David Shield to withstand All Might’s particular brand of high-impact combat. Additionally, the costume provides extra support that, in some form, protects All Might from the recoil of his own quirk. -Various Support Equipment: Either through the pressure of his agency, or as a favor to David Shield, All Might has used a variety of support equipment over the years, and likely still maintains possession of them. However, he’s determined that they aren’t quite to his style, or liking, and prefers to instead fight without additional equipment in most situations, relying on his own physicality and quirk to fight villains and rescue citizens. -High Density Weights: Used only during the one round of practical exams that he was able to oversee while teaching at U.A. These weights reduce All Might’s stamina and speed, as well as add 25% of his body’s weight to his physical strain. -Quirk Amplifying Device (Revitalized AU only): Designed by David Shield as a way to allow All Might to be a hero again, this device essentially restored All Might’s physical condition by enhancing the accumulated energy within his version of One for All, effectively allowing him to operate at his physical peak again. This treatment wasn’t considered legal, and was done in the heat of an intense battle, when all else seemed to fail.

Databook Statistics -Power: 6/6 (S+) -Speed: 6/6 (S+) -Technique: 6/6 (S) -Intelligence: 6/6 (S) -Cooperativeness: 6/6 (S) -Charisma: 6/6 (S+)

[ivyylai]

letters to Dad

7/2018 Did I really want the whole world to know each time I cried while doing homework or those times when the tears wouldn’t stop while I was driving your car. What about the pain I felt when I found your business card or a note with your calligraphy? Would that make them understand what a loss I had? Would they know that you were the best father anyone could have asked for? Would they know what a huge movie fanatic you were and how I bawled when I tried accessing the charter.net account only to find that I didn’t know the single most important question: your favorite movie of all time. I sat there and cried some more. I wish I spent more time with you. I wish I had stayed in the ICU that last night. 10/2018 I hate myself for wanting to go home because I couldn’t bear to see you attached to all the machines. I replay the moment I sprung up in bed to head to the hospital only to find that mom and I were too late. The past few months after were a complete blur to me, but I know that our family and friends were there. 11/2018 I work in the healthcare field now and I see patients who look a lot like you—the average Chinese dad dressed in Ralph Lauren polos tucked in with faded blue jeans and glasses with rubber nose pads. I wonder if they have someone like me, who idolized you, in their lives. Often times, I see older patients who come in with their daughters or sons, and they have binders filled with past medical history, recent lab and imaging reports. It makes me wish that I had the chance to do the same. It makes me wonder how scary it would have been to go through the illness alone— something that you put yourself through so that you wouldn’t make the family worry. I am angry that you pushed away your illness. I kept going to work and school and now i feel foolish for not giving you more time. The truth is that I was really scared of losing you or worse, watching my hero suffer with something that I couldn’t help with. You will always be a hero in my heart. P Now that I think about it, the average Chinese dad style is currently trending. 1/2019 These past months I haven’t stopped crying. Your passing has been the biggest heartbreak I have ever had to go through. I’ve cried so much and I don’t think I can stop. Everything makes me wish you were here Dad and I’m sorry that I can’t be stronger. 

 2/28/2019 Had a dream about you Dad. We were in the Monterey Park house, the one with a lot of staircases and patios. You were waiting to take me to school. I broke down crying because I was stressing out over hw and school. You tried giving me money but that wasnt the thing that made me happy. Then I hugged you and told you I love you and that you need to take care of your health. You assured me with your “ge thou la”. It meant you knew and most of the time— it meant that everything would be okay. You were really squishy. Then I woke up crying in pain. I wish I was able to tell you. I haven’t dreamed about you in so long. Maybe because I’ve been afraid of missing you or afraid of facing reality. I’m still numb and I’ll never stop being in so much pain. Dad I love you. I love you so much. Please take care of yourself and Grandpa. He passed away recently too. I hope you get to see your parents, brother, and sister. I hope you’re all truly happy up there. 

5/11/2019  A-bah. This year has been really hard on me. There were countless amount of days where I couldn’t find the strength to get out of bed and I stayed confined to our house while the world kept turning outside. I feel guilty for not being stronger, the way you would have wanted. Many times it feels as if my world stopped turning while everyone else moved on. Dad, I’ve been trying to fix it— I’m trying so hard to be happier, to do better things for people and for myself. But I’m still numb and I don’t know where to go from here. Dad, I’m really scared, lonely, and lost. I’m still hurt and I’m so sorry I am not stronger.

 5/12/2019 Dad, it’s Mother’s Day. I know it is silly to feel sad on Mother’s Day because you always told me that it’s a day dedicated to our hardworking and talented mother. Last year, mom had a huge surgery— and I remember you woke me up on the couch to make sure I spent the night with her while she was recovering at San Gabriel Valley Medical hospital. I spent the whole night with her then. Little did I know that you were actually trying your best to avoid the hospital because you were sick inside, ridden with unbearable amount of nerve pain and nausea. But the year prior to her surgery, do you remember when I paid for dinner after I got off of work at my restaurant job? We ate Korean bbq, which was also when you warned me to drive safely after only 1 shot of soju. I had just started driving then and I thought your comments were unnecessary. I will always treasure that memory with me as the ability to be financially stable enough to afford a nice dinner with my entire family, including my brother’s family. I remember you had so much fun that night and I hope you were proud of me.  I’m now president of my school club and I work with sick patients every day. It’s still extremely painful to know you are no longer here but I hope you are smiling as you see me make a difference in the world.  6/5/2019 Happy birthday A-bah. Today was a pretty good day at work. I thought a lot about how lucky I am to have been your daughter. Many people have fathers who were too busy working to give their children time. Some people didn’t even have fathers and some people had fathers who were unhappy with themselves so they inflict unhappiness upon their family. Not me, I was fortunate enough to be born to you, a humble, generous, good father who was sometimes too good to be true. You were always lenient with me and gave me time to learn from my own mistakes. You let me believe that I could do anything that I wanted. As a little girl, you spoiled me with toys and gifts every weekend, you fed me only the finest of foods even though we were not a rich family. You made me think that I was the luckiest little girl in the world and I still believe that. Any one who has ever crossed paths with you can would agree that you were a good man. One that worked hard to provide a beautiful home to his wife and kids. You were a humble man with a humor and you taught me what it means to be human: to not have all the money in the world but to live comfortably, eat just enough, and to be happy. I still miss your sashimi chef skills in the kitchen and I miss the loving phrase of “did you eat yet?” that you would ask whenever I came home from work or school. I hope I will be able to see you again someday. I’m trying my best to learn how to be comfortable and happy, something I didn’t quite understand before. Don’t worry Dad, I’m doing fine. I have our family and my friends to keep me company until I see you again. You are the best father I could have ever asked for and I am so grateful to have been your daughter.