#also every time i make a swimming pool reference

[buddie-buddie]

throw a line out (i am on the way down)

7.2k - m - read on ao3 five times buck answered when eddie said "talk to me," and the one time he didn't

“Buck!” 

He’d know that voice anywhere. 

God, he loves hearing Eddie say his name. There’s something about it, something in the way that Eddie makes it sound special. Reverent. Like a promise. 

He’s heard his name on Eddie’s lips more times than he can count, but it’s never sounded like this. 

“Buck!”

Something’s different. Hazy. Buck’s body feels heavy, but his head feels light. He’s warm– not hot, but warm. Almost as if someone lit a candle inside him, like something’s aglow beneath his skin. He floats in the haze for a moment, content to let it sweep him away.

“Talk to me!” It’s Eddie yelling again. But he doesn’t sound like himself. Something is different. 

There’s something in his voice Buck isn’t used to hearing. Something that takes him a moment to register, to put a name to. 

Fear. 

Eddie’s scared. But why? There’s nothing to be afraid of. Everything is warm and floaty and good. Everything is good. Eddie’s nearby. No, wait, Eddie’s here. Eddie’s hands are on him now. Buck knows that touch better than he knows his own.

And he hears Bobby, too. 

Eddie’s here. Bobby’s here. There’s nothing to be scared of. He tries to open his mouth, tries to get the words out, to tell Eddie that it’s okay. That he doesn’t have to be afraid. But his mouth won’t work. The words won’t come. They swim around in his head, fighting the haze that grows thicker with each passing moment until they disappear. 

“Talk to me!” Eddie yells again. Buck’s heard Eddie say that before. 

Memories wash over him, pulling him deeper into the haze. 

1.

“Metro Dispatch, this is Firefighter Eddie Diaz, Public Service Officer.” Eddie answers his cell phone on the second ring.

Buck’s not sure what he was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn’t that. “Firefighter Eddie Diaz?” he repeats, laughing. “What happened to hello ?” 

Eddie sighs, and Buck doesn’t have to be in the room with him to know that he’s rubbing a hand over his forehead, trailing it down his face as he laughs alongside him. “Oh my god,” he groans. “I– I don’t even– I’m…” he stammers, clearly flustered. 

Buck can picture the look on his face, can imagine the blush creeping up his neck and settling on the apples of his cheeks. God, the things Buck would do to be able to run his thumbs over his flushed cheeks, to kiss away his bashful grin. To have the privilege of knowing Eddie– of having Eddie– so intimately. 

Eddie clears his throat. “Sorry. Guess I, uh, I’ve gotten a little too used to answering the phone at work.”

It’s been a month and Buck’s still not used to the fact that he and Eddie don’t work together anymore. He thought it would get easier the more time that passed, but the dull ache in his chest hasn’t let up since the day Eddie told them all the news. 

And if Buck is being completely honest, hearing Eddie say “work” and knowing that he doesn’t mean the 118 hurts a little more than he thought it would. 

Buck opts for levity in an attempt to push past the pang of sadness. “I mean, if you want to change it up, there are plenty of other options.”

“Oh yeah?” Eddie asks. “What do you suggest?”

“What about ‘Howdy?’” Buck has to fight to keep a straight face. “Y’know, honor your roots and all that.”

There’s a pause, and Buck doesn’t have to be in the room with Eddie to know that he’s rolling his eyes. 

And Buck could be mistaken. Maybe it’s a case of synchronicity, of Buck hearing what he so desperately wants to. But he swears Eddie sounds fond as he says, “Maybe not.” 

“Okay,” Buck concedes. “Forget your Texan blood. You could go more authoritative.”

“More authoritative? Eddie echoes. “Like what?” he drops his voice lower, more serious. “Talk to me.” 

Buck laughs. “Definitely a contender.” 

“I’ll take it under advisement.”

“As you should.”

“Might be a good idea to switch it up,” Eddie says. “I’m on the phone all day. Only a matter of time until I lose my mind.” 

“More than you already have,” Buck ribs. 

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. He keeps his tone light, but there’s something serious hiding beneath it, something Buck picks up on from the single syllable alone. Before he can press, Eddie continues, “So… to what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“Well,” Buck begins, heaving a sigh. “Remember how I saved your life?”

“Which time?” 

“You pick,” Buck quips. He can hear Eddie moving around. Putting things away, opening and closing the refrigerator door. He recognizes the sound of Eddie’s dishwasher kicking on. A sudden and overwhelming sense of longing hits him over the head without warning. Which shouldn’t make any sense– who longs to clean up the kitchen? And yet he aches for it. Putting dishes away and taking out the trash. Dumping clean laundry on the bed and matching up socks. 

Something about being with Eddie makes even the most mundane task feel like sacred privilege. 

“I’m calling to see if I can cash in a favor,” Buck says.

He’s expecting a smart response, something witty or sarcastic. Maybe a playful ribbing. What he gets instead is a simple “Anything.” 

There’s something about the way Eddie says it that has Buck feeling warm inside. It’s simple and it’s easy and it’s honest. Eddie means it. Anything.

Anything.

It’s welcome and it’s appreciated and it means more to Buck than he thinks he could ever put into words. But it’s equal parts disarming, and it takes Buck a second to recover from the unexpectedness of it all. “Uh, well, my– washer’s broken,” he explains. “It’s been busted for a few days now and it’s something with the water lines cause all my neighbors’ are broken too and my landlord said he’d have someone come take a look but that was on Friday and it’s Tuesday now and he still hasn’t gotten anyone out and I don’t want to bug Maddie right now since she just got back and I–”  

“Buck,” Eddie cuts in. 

“I’m rambling,” Buck realizes. 

“You’re rambling,” Eddie confirms. This time Buck is absolutely certain he isn’t imagining the fondness in Eddie’s voice. 

On a totally unrelated note, there are butterflies in his stomach. 

He takes a breath. “Sorry.” 

“No need,” Eddie assures him. “Come do your laundry here.” 

“You sure?” Buck asks, all but holding his breath as he waits for Eddie’s response. 

He doesn’t have to wait long, as Eddie answers without so much as a second’s hesitation. “Of course.”

“Thank you,” Buck says. “I tried to go to the laundromat around the corner yesterday but I guess everyone in the building had the same idea because all the machines were in use and when I called just now they said everything is still taken and I’m out of clean work shirts and I don’t think anyone at the 118 would appreciate it if I showed up for my shift tomorrow in last shift’s clothes and I–” 

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Eddie assures him. “The offer stands. Even if your landlord has it fixed by the time you get your clothes off the floor and into a laundry basket.”

Ah, yes. There’s the gentle teasing Buck had been expecting. 

Buck scoffs, feigning hurt. “What makes you think my clothes aren’t already in a basket?” 

“I’ve seen your bedroom floor. Or rather, the lack thereof,” Eddie says. “Worse than Christopher,” he muses. 

There’s a long pause. Buck can’t really argue with that. “Fine,” he concedes. “You win.”

“Chris is at science club until six, but if you get here by then you can come with me to pick him up?” Eddie says. It has the workings of a question, with the way his voice ticks up at the end. There’s something hopeful there. 

Buck’s smile stretches so wide, he wonders if Eddie can hear it through the phone. “Done.”

2.

Traffic is the third certainty to life when living in L.A. 

Death, taxes, and bumper-to-bumper on the 405. 

Buck knows this to be true. He used to hate it, used to sit in traffic longing for his old motorcycle, imagining weaving through the slow-moving cars and feeling the wind in his face. 

But lately, he hasn’t minded it so much. Not when Eddie’s beside him, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and humming underneath his breath, stealing glances at him across the center console and listening to him ramble on about whatever’s on his mind. 

Sometimes, Buck finds himself wishing for traffic– hoping that their twenty minute drive might turn into thirty or forty, that he might be lucky enough to steal those extra moments with Eddie.

And he’s grateful– so, so grateful for these moments, for this time with Eddie– he’ll never not be grateful when Eddie’s beside him. But if everyone could get a fucking move on today, that would be great.

“We’re going to be late,” Buck mutters, craning his neck in an attempt to see around the cars in front of them. 

“It’s fine,” Eddie assures him, seemingly unbothered from where he sits in the passenger seat. 

Buck huffs out a sigh, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. “No it’s not.”

“Baby,” Eddie says gently. “It’s okay. They can wait for a few minutes.” 

Buck can only imagine the things that Eddie’s parents could be thinking– could be saying to each other– while they wait outside of LAX for the two of them to pull up. He’s met them before, and they were fine, but that was when he was just Eddie’s partner. Now that he’s Eddie’s partner, things are different. He doesn't want them thinking he’s irresponsible. Or unreliable. Or worse, that he doesn’t respect them. 

He doesn't know what exactly they think about him and Eddie being together. It only happened a couple of months ago, after Eddie got back from visiting El Paso for his dad’s retirement party. Buck had driven this same route, had picked him and Chris up outside of arrivals when their flight got in. It was late and they were exhausted– Christopher was asleep in the back seat by the time they hit the freeway– and Eddie was unusually quiet the whole way home. 

When they got to Eddie’s, Buck carried a still-sleeping Christopher inside while Eddie got the bags. They put him to bed and Eddie pulled two beers from the fridge and said, “Stay.” 

Buck took the bottle from his outstretched hand and said, “Okay.”

Eddie held his gaze, something soft and vulnerable and a little hopeful in his eyes. “Forever.”

Buck’s breath caught in his throat, his heart hammered in his chest. Eddie had somehow given him everything he’d ever wanted, offered him everything he’d ever dreamed of, in one single word. Buck swallowed around the sudden dryness in his throat and dug his fingernails into the heel of his palm hard enough to leave crescent-shaped marks. But he didn’t wake up. It wasn’t a dream.

His eyes shone as he looked at Eddie. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Eddie repeated, taking a step forward and closing the gap between them. Buck can’t remember who moved first, who kissed who. 

All he remembers is the slowest, sweetest, most perfect kiss of his life. How Eddie’s lips tasted like beer and his hands felt like home. How something inside of him instantly settled, how for the first time in his life, his brain felt quiet and his heart felt whole. 

“Forever,” Buck breathed, the word lost on his lips as Eddie kissed him again. 

And so it was. 

Eddie told his parents a few weeks ago. With Christopher’s birthday coming up, he was hoping they’d be willing to make the trip. He’d called to see if they’d let him fly them out for Christopher’s birthday. Between Buck and Pepa, his birthday party was shaping up to be the event of the decade. He knew the only thing that could make his son happier than the cotton candy machine, video game truck, and four (yes, four ) piñatas already hidden in Eddie’s closet was a surprise visit from his grandparents. 

So he called and asked. They were on board before Eddie could even get to the details, which had Buck sighing with relief from where he sat beside Eddie as he spoke to them. He had placed a reassuring hand on Eddie’s shoulder, his chest swelling as Eddie all but melted into his touch. 

Eddie went on to tell them about their relationship, and Buck waited with bated breath for their reaction. Not that it would change anything about how he felt for Eddie– nothing could– but he knew how important this was to Eddie, how even though his parents had let him down so many times before, there was still some tiny, hopeful part of him eager for their approval. Buck knew the feeling. 

“Are you happy, mijo?” Eddie’s dad had asked. Eddie looked up at Buck, smiling as their eyes met. 

“Yeah,” Eddie answered, holding Buck’s gaze as he spoke. “More than ever.” 

“Then so are we,” Ramon said. 

And now they’re here. Well, they will be if Buck and Eddie ever actually make it to the airport. His stomach churns with anxiety as the traffic inches forward. 

It’s crawling so slowly that he hasn’t even used the gas pedal in the last few minutes, just lifts his foot off the brake every time the car in front moves forward another half a foot. 

The reality of the situation is that Buck spent the last two hours tracking their flight, watching the little airplane icon make its way across New Mexico and Arizona and into California. He announced it was time to leave for the airport a half hour before the Diazes even landed. Eddie had pushed back, pointing out that the airport is only twenty minutes away and it would be at least an hour before his parents landed, deplaned, and got their luggage. 

“But what if they didn’t check a bag?” Buck had asked. Eddie had dropped a kiss to his forehead, smoothing out the worry lines. He didn’t dig his heels in, didn’t insist they could wait. He just walked to the front door and pulled his shoes on, and Buck loved him for it. 

“Your car or mine?”  

And it was a good thing they left when they did. They’ve been in the car for almost an hour, and they still have another two miles to go. Eddie’s parents texted ten minutes ago that they were off the plane and heading to baggage claim, which did absolutely nothing to calm the nerves buzzing beneath Buck’s skin. 

“Let’s go!” Buck shouts at the cars ahead of them, slamming his hands on the steering wheel in frustration. “Should’ve taken La Cienega,” he mumbles, to himself more than anything. 

Eddie places a hand on his thigh, squeezing reassuringly. “It’s okay. You know how many times they were late picking me up from things as a kid? We could show up tomorrow and it still wouldn’t be even.”

And okay, that does help a little bit. It doesn’t make Buck feel better completely, but it does help to untangle the ball nerves that’s formed behind his chest. 

“How are you not going crazy?” Buck asks after a minute, tearing his eyes away from the long line of cars in front of them long enough to glance over at Eddie. 

Eddie shrugs. “Nothing we can do about it.” 

Practically speaking, Eddie’s right. Technically speaking, though, Buck could pull into the shoulder and speed around the congestion. But Eddie had shut that idea down about twenty minutes ago. And again ten minutes ago when Buck looked over at him with what could only be described as mischief in his eyes.

Buck groans, rolling his eyes and knocking the back of his head into the headrest.

Eddie looks at him for a long moment, nothing shy of completely smitten. “You done?” he asks after a beat. 

“No,” Buck says, groaning once more, even louder than before. “Okay, now I am.”

Eddie shakes his head fondly. “Patience is a virtue, Buck.”

“Well, I think hurrying the fuck up should be a virtue,” Buck grumbles.  

Eddie snorts, reaching for the radio and flipping through stations until he finds one that’s playing music instead of a commercial. “Oh, this is a good song!” he says excitedly, turning to Buck expectantly. 

Buck gives him a blank look in return. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard this before.  

“Wait, seriously?” Eddie asks incredulously. “It’s Stevie Nicks!” 

Buck shrugs. He’s already grinning like an idiot, enjoying every second of watching Eddie get all excited over a song on the radio. But nothing– nothing could prepare him for the wave of adoration that crashes over him as Eddie starts to sing along. 

“You can talk to me,” Eddie sings. “T-T-T-Talk to me.” He draws out the last word, smiling as he looks over at Buck.  “Come on, you know this song!” he insists. 

“I don’t!” 

Even if he did, Buck wouldn’t admit to it now. Not if it meant he’d lose his front-row seat to this epic performance. 

“This is the best part,” Eddie says, reaching for the dial and turning it louder before turning to Buck. “Let the walls burn down, set your secrets free.” He grins, reaching for Buck and cupping his chin in his hands. “You can break their bounds, cause you’re safe with me.” 

And god, if that isn’t the truth. Buck has never felt safer with anyone than he has with Eddie. 

When he was growing up in Hershey, there was this game all the neighborhood kids used to play at the town pool. They’d take turns swimming out in pairs to the middle of the deep end, reaching up and grabbing opposite edges of the diving board. Then, they’d hang off the edge for as long as they could, until someone dropped into the water and the other was crowned the victor. Buck has vivid memories of dangling there, knuckles white and muscles burning, determined to hang on longer than the kid opposite him. 

Most of his friends would drop off the second they beat their opponent, but not Buck. He’d stay on until he physically couldn’t any more. Until his face would burn red, his muscles would ache, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t hold on any longer.

So much of his life has felt the same– like he’s hanging on the edge, desperate to just keep holding on, to get a better grip on it all. And then he met Eddie. And suddenly, it was like the first summer where they started playing in teams instead of one on one. 

Everything was easier. 

He was still hanging there, still on the edge, but it was easier. He wasn’t on his own. When it got to be too much for him, there was someone beside him ready to tag him out, ready to share in the burden. 

And it didn’t hurt anymore. He felt like he could hold on forever.

3.

Buck loves Eddie’s house. 

He loves his own place, too– the loft has been good to him– but it’s not the same. It’s never felt like home. Not in the way that Eddie’s house does. 

It took him a while to realize that’s what the feeling was. He spent the first two and a half decades of his life never really feeling at home anywhere. The feeling was so foreign to him that he didn’t recognize it once he had it. He knew that the ever-present current of anxiety thrumming beneath his skin suddenly quieted each time he was at Eddie’s. It was the same thing that happened every time he walked into the 118. 

He just didn’t realize the feeling had a name at first. 

Eddie’s house feels like home in a way his loft never has. In a way Abby’s place never did. In a way that his old apartment and all of the places he lived before landing at the 118 never did. 

In a way his childhood home never did. 

Not that Buck’s loft is all bad. It’s the first place he truly ever felt was his. It was the backdrop for some of the best moments in his life. Some of the worst, too. The loft is where he told Eddie he loved him for the first time. The loft is where Eddie said it back, not even a heartbeat later. 

The loft is where Eddie first squeezed Buck’s hand three times, an unspoken I love you that quickly became woven into the fabric of their everyday lives. Three squeezes across the center console in the car just because. Three taps on the knee in the back of the engine as they pull up to a call. Three kisses stolen as they stand at the stove in their pajamas, flipping pancakes on Saturday mornings. 

I love you. I love you. I love you. 

And the loft does feel like home sometimes. It hasn't always, not the way that Eddie’s place always has. But sometimes. Like when when he wakes up to slow kisses and the smell of coffee as early-morning sunlight pours through the windows. When contagious laughter and video game sound effects echo off the high ceilings. And when his eyes catch on the second toothbrush beside his in the cup next to the bathroom sink. 

And on nights like these, when he and Eddie are here together. Alone together. When Buck’s laid out on the bed, sheets that smell like Eddie balled up in his fists as breathy moans fall from his lips.

They’ve been caught up in each other since the day started bleeding into night, since pink and purple streaks crept into the blue sky, melting away into a deep, inky nighttime. Moonlight flooded through the windows, painting the walls in shadow as they held onto each other hard enough to leave marks and swapped bruising kisses that somehow still felt reverent. 

It’s perfect. It’s absolutely everything. 

Buck doesn’t know how he ever lived without this.

He’ll be the first to admit he’s had a lot of sex. Like… a lot of sex. 

He’ll also be the first to admit that sex with Eddie is the best he’s ever had. Tenfold. By a landslide. No competition. 

The first time was a revelation. It was different than any of the sex Buck had ever had, better. Beneath Eddie’s touch, Buck felt awake and alive and whole in ways he never had before.

It was slow and hot and absolutely perfect. 

Buck spent the first few days waiting for the bubble to pop, expecting the initial flame to snuff out. Surely it was too good to be true. There was no way sex could be this good all the time, right? 

Except it’s been months now, and it’s still just as good. Better, even, if that’s possible. The spark beneath Buck’s skin that was fanned into a flame beneath Eddie’s touch has only managed to burn brighter since that first night. 

He can’t get enough.

He’s on his forearms and his knees tonight, Eddie draped over his back. He’s long since lost track of where he ends and Eddie begins, lost all concept of anything except the hot, filthy drag of Eddie’s cock inside him as he falls apart beneath each languid thrust. 

Eddie drops a kiss to Buck’s shoulder, and every nerve ending in Buck’s body feels like it fires at once. He gasps, pants, dissolves into broken-off moans and hushed cries of please and Eddie and baby . He feels like he’s glowing, ecstasy shimmering in his veins. 

“More,” Buck whines. He doesn’t mean to sound like he’s begging, but it comes out needy and desperate. He turns his head, hiding his face in the pillow as a blush creeps onto his cheeks. 

The next thing he feels is Eddie’s hand on his face, his fingers on his jaw, a warm and welcome weight as he turns Buck’s face to the side. 

“Talk to me, sweetheart,” Eddie murmurs, pressing a hot kiss to Buck’s temple. His breath is warm against Buck’s skin, and it sends sparks dancing across Buck’s skin. “Tell me what you want. Let me hear you.” 

Buck wants to be closer, wants to feel it tomorrow, wants to forget everything except Eddie inside him. Eddie’s fingers on his hips. Eddie’s lips on his neck. 

“Want to see you,” Buck breathes. “Want you to turn me over and fuck me like I’m yours.”

Eddie doesn’t have to be told twice. 

4.

They’re standing in the cereal aisle when Eddie’s phone rings. Buck has a box of store brand Cheerios in one hand and a box of Frosted Flakes in the other. Christopher loves them both equally and the grocery list they made during a slow stretch on shift last night says cereal in Eddie’s neat capital letters. But it doesn’t specify which kind, but it doesn’t have to. They both know what Christopher likes. Buck can’t eat either one of them without thinking of the week Eddie spent in the hospital with a bullet hole in his chest. But Christopher loves them. 

Buck holds the boxes up to Eddie as if to ask which one? 

Eddie looks between the boxes, considering the choices. 

“Both?” Buck suggests.

“Both,” Eddie nods, taking the boxes from Buck and placing them in the shopping cart. Buck would be lying if he said he was fully present. As much as he loves this– running errands with Eddie after a slow, quiet shift together– his mind is elsewhere today. He hopes it’s not obvious, but he suspects it is, if Eddie’s lingering looks are any indication. 

He’s about to say something when Eddie’s phone rings. One look at the caller ID has him swearing under his breath, picking up the call immediately. Buck can only hear Eddie’s side of the conversation, but it’s all he needs. “Hello?... Oh, no… Yeah, of course. We’ll be right there… Is he doing alright? … We’re on the way now… Can you let him know?... Yeah, thank you.”

“What happened?” Buck asks the second Eddie pulls the phone from his ear to hang up the call. 

Eddie sighs. “Stomach bug.” 

The rest of their list is abandoned in favor of getting through the checkout and out of the store as quickly as possible, with only a quick stop for crackers and Pedialyte on the way to the register. 

A couple minutes into the cross-town drive to Christopher’s school, Eddie’s hand comes to rest just above Buck’s knee.  

The familiar touch pulls Buck out of his own mind. It’s only then that he realizes he was staring out the window so intently his vision had begun to go blurry. He blinks slowly, his vision returning to normal as he looks over at Eddie behind the wheel. Eddie’s looking at him expectantly. Shit. He must’ve said something when Buck was zoned out. 

“Hmm?” Buck asks, blinking again. “Sorry.”

Eddie looks over at him as the truck rolls to a stop at a red light. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Buck shrugs. “Tired,” he lies. Well, technically, he is tired. They just got off shift, after all. But he and Eddie both know that’s not the reason why he’s been quieter than usual. 

“That all?” Eddie asks gently. 

Buck hesitates. He wants to talk to Eddie, longs for his advice and his assurances and the way he always manages to hear even the things Buck doesn’t voice out loud. 

“It can wait,” he says. At least that’s closer to the truth. It can wait. Until Christopher is better.

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Why should it have to? Whatever it is, it’s bothering you.” 

Buck shrugs. Hesitates. “Christopher is sick. It–” 

Eddie shoots Buck a knowing look, cutting him off. “So?” 

Buck sighs. “I don’t know. I don’t want to be dropping a burden on your shoulders when you already have a sick kid to take care of.”

“First of all, we have a sick kid to take care of,” Eddie points out. “You’re on vomit duty this time. Or did you forget that you owe me one after November First?” 

Buck can’t help but laugh at that. “In my defense, I was sick too!” 

“You’re thirty years old,” Eddie reminds him. “You should know better than to eat that much Halloween candy in one sitting.” 

“Christopher is smart for his age,” Buck points out. “Maybe he’s the one who should’ve known better.”

“Maybe you both need supervision when candy’s involved.”

“Maybe,” Buck concedes, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

“Second of all,” Eddie continues, steering their conversation back on track. “You are never a burden.” His voice is more serious now, more matter-of-fact. He’s not leaving any room for interpretation or argument. 

Buck tries anyway. “But–” 

“I’m serious.” Eddie squeezes Buck's knee reassuringly. Once. Twice. Three times. “Baby,” he says, his voice soft, gentle. “Please talk to me. Let me help.” 

Buck absolutely melts. Between the pet name and the soft look in Eddie’s eyes, he folds almost instantly. 

“My parents want to come and stay for a bit,” he says. “My dad texted me last night when we were getting back from the car fire on Wilshire.” 

Eddie nods slowly. He makes a valiant effort to hide the disdain that creeps into his expression at Buck’s mention of his parents. He doesn’t quite succeed, but it’s successful in reminding Buck just how much he loves this man. As if he could ever forget. 

“How do you feel about that?” Eddie asks, turning back to the road as the light turns green.  

Buck shrugs. “I don’t know if I’m ready to see them yet.” He expects the truth to burn on his tongue, but it doesn’t. The sky doesn’t come crashing down on him, the ground doesn’t open up and swallow him whole. Eddie doesn’t give him a disgusted look and tell him he’s a terrible son and an even worse human being for thinking such a thing, let alone saying it out loud. 

“No one could fault you for that,” is what Eddie says instead. “You’re still healing.”

Eddie’s response is so simple, so genuine– as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. It splits something in Buck’s chest wide open. 

“I– I’ve talked to them on the phone a couple of times since their visit last year,” Buck says. He’s been working really hard in therapy, and to their credit, he knows his parents have been trying on their end, too. But still, the thought of seeing them again has uneasiness curling in his gut and anxiety thrumming beneath his skin. “But… I don’t know. In-person is different.”

“Definitely,” Eddie agrees, pulling into the school parking lot. Buck can tell he’s trying his best to push past his own personal grudge against Phillip and Margaret for Buck’s sake, and something about that makes Buck love him even more. 

“I– I’m just…” Buck’s voice trails off. He sighs. “I’m not sure what to do.”

Eddie pulls into a visitor’s spot and shifts the truck into park before turning to face Buck properly. “That’s okay,” Eddie assures him. “You don’t have to have all the answers.”

He brushes his thumb over Buck’s jaw, which is when Buck realizes he’s chewing on his bottom lip so hard it’s a miracle he hasn’t drawn blood. He releases it, sighs, and admits, “I wish I did.” 

“Can I tell you what you do have?”

Buck nods. There’s not a thing on Earth that Buck could ever deny him. Beyond that, too. Eddie could ask him for a piece of the moon and all the stars in the night sky and Buck would find a way. 

“You have great instincts,” Eddie says. “Trust yourself.”

“I distinctly remember you telling me I lack basic survival instincts,” Buck points out. 

Eddie rolls his eyes fondly. “Certain instances notwithstanding,” he amends. “You should trust your gut.” 

“You also have time,” Eddie continues. “You don’t have to give them an answer yet.” 

Buck nods. Eddie’s right. He doesn’t have to rush into a decision– potentially the wrong one– just because some part of him feels like he owes his parents a quick response. He doesn’t owe them much of anything. And he certainly doesn't need to take on discomfort to ease theirs.  He knows that. Eddie is quick to remind him any time he forgets. 

“And you have a family here who loves you and who will support you no matter what you decide.”

Buck wonders how Eddie does that. How he always knows exactly what to say, exactly how to say it. How he isn’t scared of the darkness that sometimes swirls inside Buck’s mind. How he always manages to ease his way inside, to chase the darkness away and let the light in its place. He’s fearless in the face of the things that bring Buck to his knees and Buck has never loved anyone in the way he loves this man. 

“Eddie,” Buck breathes. He’s not sure he could find any more words if he tried. 

Eddie’s hand on the side of Buck’s face is a grounding weight, a welcome touch tethering him to this moment and keeping him from floating away or melting into the seat, especially when Eddie tips his chin up, seeking out his gaze, and says, “We’ll figure it out together.” 

“Thank you,” Buck says, meeting him for a kiss. They keep it quick, lest they get carried away in the school parking lot about to pick up a vomiting child. “Let’s go,” he says, pulling back and unbuckling his seatbelt. Eddie smiles at him fondly as they get out of the truck. 

Five minutes later, Buck is holding the front door of the school open as Eddie carries a very sick, very tired Christopher to the car. Buck knows for a fact that his next 24 hours are going to be filled with vomit and thermometers and disinfectant and reminding Eddie to breathe through his mouth so he doesn’t gag. But they’ll be together. They’ll figure it out together.

There’s nothing in the world that sounds better.

5.

The tension began rising as they headed out of the firehouse and across the parking lot to Buck’s Jeep. Silence stretched between them, hanging heavy in the air as Buck pulled onto the main road.

Around the corner from Eddie’s, he decides he can’t take it anymore. “Okay, what?” he asks, turning to face Eddie as they wait at a red light. 

“What?” Eddie asks. Buck can’t help but notice how tired Eddie looks. It was far from the longest or weirdest shift they ever had, and their last call had them back at the station and in their bunks a little after two o’clock. Bobby had sent everyone to wash up and get some sleep as soon as they got back, but the alarm never rang again. Buck had slept straight through until Eddie nudged him awake a few minutes before shift change at seven. He had assumed Eddie had done the same, but he’s wondering now, given the sunken-in circles beneath Eddie’s eyes, if he’s mistaken. 

"What ?” Buck echoes, pulling into Eddie’s driveway and parking behind his truck. “What do you mean what? You’ve barely said a word to me in twelve hours.” 

He gets out of the car, and it’s possible that he closes the door a little harder than he needs to. 

“That’s not true,” Eddie slams his own door, too. 

“Yes it is.” Buck’s well aware of how petulant he sounds, but he can’t find it in himself to care. Eddie unlocks the front door, holding it open for Buck before following him inside and closing the door behind them. 

Buck doesn’t miss the significance of it. How even when they’re fighting– even if Eddie won’t admit that they’re fighting– Eddie still holds the door for him. He still holds out a hand to take Buck’s coat and hang it up beside his own. He still stomps over to the thermostat and kicks it up two degrees because he knows Buck runs cold. 

Not a day goes by when he doesn’t feel like the luckiest man in the world, having the privilege of knowing a love like this. 

“You’re mad at me,” Buck says, following Eddie into the kitchen. “Aren’t you?”

He doesn’t mean to sound so needy, so desperate. An older version of himself would hate that, but he’s never felt like he’s had to pretend around Eddie. 

Eddie heaves a sigh, opening a cabinet and pulling the can of coffee grounds down. “Drop it, Buck.”

“That’s not a no.” 

“Buck,” Eddie warns, stabbing at the buttons on the coffee pot like they’ve personally offended him. As soon as it starts brewing, he opens the dishwasher and starts pulling out clean dishes. Buck starts putting plates away as Eddie reaches for the silverware basket. 

“Be careful,” Buck warns, having visions of Eddie accidentally impaling his hand on a fork in his haste.

“Don’t talk to me about being careful after you chased a drunk driver last night,” Eddie shoots back. 

There it is.

“I wasn’t in any danger,” he says. He’s not sure why he thinks that line will work on Eddie. It definitely didn’t work on Bobby, who laid into him as soon as they got back to the station. 

Eddie scoffs. “What were you thinking?” he demands.

“I don’t know,” Buck says with a noncommittal shrug. He knows Eddie’s not going to like that answer. But he’s not going to lie, either.

“You weren’t thinking!” Eddie all but shouts. “You got on that bike without any regard for your safety.”

Buck hasn’t seen him mad like this in… god, he doesn't even know how long. Maybe since the day he got all broody and finger-pointy in the grocery store during Buck’s lawsuit. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on a little bit. But a quick read of the room determines it’s neither the time nor the place to dig into that a little more. 

“My safety?” Buck scoffs. “It’s a bike, Eddie, not an infantry tank.”

“A bike that had already been hit once by the driver you started chasing after!” Eddie argues. “Or did you forget about the broken fibula and the four totaled cars he left in his wake?”

And– well, okay. Eddie has a point there. But it’ll be a cold day in hell when Buck gives him the satisfaction. “It’s not a big deal,” he insists.

“Not a big deal,” Eddie echoes. “Not a big deal? You could have died!” 

“But I didn’t,” Buck points out. 

“But you could have. And then what?” All the fight is gone from Eddie’s voice. He looks absolutely destroyed. 

It’s now, in the light of the morning, that Buck notices just how heavy the circles beneath Eddie’s eyes are, confirming his suspicions that he hadn’t slept much last night– if at all. His hair is sticking out, broken free from its gelled-down hold more than it’s ever been at the end of shift. Buck’s never been a betting man, but he’d put every penny to his name down on odds that Eddie spent much of the night pulling at his hair, tugging on it in the way he tends to when big feelings swell up inside him like waves at high tide, threatening to consume him. 

Touch has always been Eddie’s anchor, the thing that grounds him when his mind starts to drift away. He needs to feel something, feel grounded. It makes sense to Buck that Eddie tugs at his own hair when it all gets to be too much. But he’d be lying if he said there wasn't a pang of guilt in his chest knowing that he’s partly to blame.

It hits twice as hard when he thinks about how he spent his night— sleeping soundly in the next bunk, without a clue that Eddie was lying awake beside him, his sleep held hostage by his own thoughts. 

“I’m sorry,” Buck says. There are silent promises in his apology, unsaid vows behind the two small words. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry.

Eddie knows. Buck can tell from the way his face softens, the way that tears fill his eyes as he holds Buck’s gaze. Eddie knows. 

“I– I can’t,” Eddie begins. “I can’t lose you. Okay? I–”  

Buck nods, cutting him off and pulling him into a hug. “I know,” he murmurs. “I know, baby. I’m sorry.” 

“I can’t lose you,” Eddie says again, his words muffled against Buck’s neck. 

Buck takes a long, deep breath. He holds Eddie close, presses three tiny kisses to the top of his head, and makes the one promise he knows isn’t his to keep. 

“You won’t.” 

+1

Eddie’s voice is the first thing he hears. 

He’s not sure where he is, or why everything feels so heavy. He can’t lift his arms. Can’t open his eyes. Something’s beeping steadily in the background. But everything’s okay. Eddie’s here.

“You’re gonna be okay, Buck,” Eddie says. His voice is wobbly. Unsteady in a way it never is. “You’re gonna wake up.” He clears his throat. Sniffles. 

It sounds like he’s been crying, and something about that has Buck feeling like his heart might split in two. 

“You’re gonna wake up,” Eddie repeats. “You’re gonna wake up and you’re gonna talk to me about psychedelic fish off the coast of Indonesia and the newest moon they found in Jupiter’s orbit and the chances of being struck by lightning. You’re gonna be fine, baby.”

“I’m not gonna lose you,” Eddie says, brushing Buck’s hair back and letting his hand linger, cupping the side of his face gently. “You promised.” 

Buck registers the weight of Eddie’s hand in his own, their fingers laced together. 

It takes all of his strength, everything he has. But he squeezes.

Once. Twice. Three times.

[sunflowerhyun]

how he sees me | hwang hyunjin | part three

ᝰ summary: “Do you love me?” she asked.

In his hesitation, she found her answer.

OR, alternatively, Hyunjin is a little bit of an asshole and Y/N just misses him.

ᝰ pairing: hwang hyunjin x fem!reader

ᝰ genre: ex-childhood-friends-to-lovers, punk!hyunjin au

ᝰ warnings: cursing, references to past situations (in italics), alcohol consumption, angst, themes of jealousy (from both parties), mentions of body insecurity, mentions of death and grieving

ᝰ wc: 6-8k ish ?

ᝰ a/n: part three in da books, hope you all like it ! also, gif is not mine — all creds to the owner !

ᝰ reference the masterlist here.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Y/N has only experienced the true feeling of rage twice in her life.

The first time was when her grandma passed away when she was only 16 years old. Her grandma was her best friend, (Hyunjin was a close second—he knew he couldn’t compare), and Y/N talked to her the same way she talked to him. Whenever she wasn’t spending time at Hyunjin’s house, they were always at her grandmas. She treated Hyunjin like he was family, and he treated her as his own nana. She would make them breakfast most mornings, (scrambled eggs with cheese, crispy bacon, and chocolate chip pancakes—that was always Hyunjin’s request), let them have sleepovers in her basement that was either always way too hot or way too cold, let them swim in her pool every summer, (where they mainly played mermaids, despite Hyunjin’s request), and sit at her kitchen table to stay up to date on the latest gossip at school while they sipped on mocktails (so they could fit the vibe more while nana had a glass of wine, listening in and chiming in). In a way, her nana was their third pea in the pod, and her nana was the only one that knew of her feelings towards Hyunjin.

Y/N’s sophomore year was tough. Breast cancer hit her nana harder than they thought it would, and by the time it was identified, it was simply too late. So when the doctors gave Y/N’s family the decision to let her die in a hospital bed or die in the comfort of her home, of course they picked the latter. When she was finished with school, she would come straight to her nana’s to take care of her, to tend to her needs. Hyunjin would come with her, would sing to her nana per her request. She always told Hyunjin he had a lovely voice, (“Such a lovely voice for such a lovely boy. You will go far in life, my dear,”), and he always sang I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You, as that was her favorite song and Elvis was her favorite artist. He would hold her hand, singing to her, but always found himself looking back to Y/N.

She passed away after a long two years in the comfort of her bed, surrounded by people she loved.

Grief hit her hard, but rage hit her even harder. She was angry at cancer, angry at the doctors who couldn’t just fix her, angry at God for not listening to her prayers. The feeling consumed her for months, had changed her attitude completely—but Hyunjin stayed with her, and he laid with her, and he was patient with her until she had finally grown to accept it.

The second time she experienced the feeling of rage was right now.

She hadn’t felt it in so long she almost forgot what it felt like. As soon as she laid eyes on a tall, skinny, fit woman with blonde hair that elegantly flowed down her shoulders, face perfectly caked with make-up and designer clothes covering her from head to toe, multiple feelings hit her at once.

The first was insecurity—which was a given. The woman was simply everything Y/N was not, the complete opposite of her, and she was gorgeous. She felt out of place sitting on the couch in her outfit she bought from a local thrift store, and suddenly had the urge to cover up her stomach that was now slightly peaking out from her sitting down. So she did just that, pulling her shirt together so it covered her. Only then did she realize her thighs were now ten times bigger now that she was also sitting down, and she shifted away from Hyunjin, his hands falling down to his own.

The second feeling she felt was jealousy. The woman was obviously beautiful, obviously had money, obviously well-respected from the way she carried herself, and Y/N was full of envy. Not particularly at all of those reasons, but because she was able to catch Hyunjin’s attention. She was able to hold him, to kiss on him, to be with him, and Y/N just wasn’t. And that’s when the rage peeked through. It built up slowly, but it quickly consumed her, just as it did years ago.

She stood up so fast it almost gave her whiplash, not even sparring Hyunjin another glance, shoving her way past the woman who had very loudly and obnoxiously called her a bitch as she did so. She couldn’t blame her for it, she had quite literally shoved past her so hard that she had stumbled a bit, but Y/N couldn’t help it. She was embarrassed, disappointed in herself, and livid—and she just wanted to get the hell out of there.

It wasn’t until she had stepped outside the trailer, the sun beating down on her face and the heat crawling its way back on her skin, that she heard someone yell her name. It was frantic, desperate.

She ignored it, feet stomping in front of her in the grass as she sped-walked further away, a hand suddenly gripping her wrist, softly pulling her back. “Y/N, stop! Please.” The voice was heard again, even more desperate than before, cracking slightly at the end. She shoved his hand off of her, not daring to turn around and face him because she knew she would cave in again, and she just can’t.

He let her go, but the footsteps followed, eventually making themselves prominent in front of her as they forced her to come to a stop. She still didn’t look at him.

“Y/N,” He panted out like he was out of breath, eyes pleading, voice scratchy, “Y/N, please just… can you just—“

“Fuck you, Hyunjin,” She let out sharply, slowly, “Just stop. You’ve obviously got more important things to do than to be chasing after me like this and bringing attention to yourself.”

She still didn’t look at him. His breaths became more faint. “Good luck with performing. I hope it makes you happy. I hope she makes you happy.”

She turned away then. He didn’t try to stop her.

——>

The walk back to Felix and Minho didn’t take as long as she thought it would. Blame it completely on the fact that she was beyond pissed at anything and everything in the world, walking so fast and shoving through literally everyone she walked past. It was actually quite easy finding them because of that when normally she would be a little timid and definitely more polite when it came to getting through large crowds. When she spotted Felix and Minho standing near the B stage, cheering and jumping up and down from a band that was currently performing, her feet carried her even faster over there.

“Heeeeey, bub,” Felix slurred out once she came into view, face slightly flushed from all the alcohol he has consumed and from the UV index being a whole 10 the entire day. He must have not worn any sunscreen. “We’ve missed yoooou! This festival is lit, forreal. I don’t know why we have never come to one of these things before.” His smile was so wide, teeth shining from the sunlight, cheeks red and freckles lathering his face. He looked so happy, so carefree. Y/N envied it.

He pulled her into a hug then, the sweat pooling off of him soaking its way onto her shirt, and she hugged him back despite the lingering feeling of annoyance she had. For a second, she imagined it was Hyunjin she was hugging, and bliss overcame her. But then, blonde hair and red lips came into her view, and she quickly shoved him off of her. Felix didn’t seem to notice the gesture, still looking at her with a giant smile plastered on his face, beer bottle dangling in his hands. He swayed a bit, bringing the bottle up to his lips, holding out his free hand towards her, wiggling his fingers. Y/N simply did not want to be touched anymore than she already had, so she stepped forward, pretending she didn’t see him.

“What, you don’t wanna hold my hand?” Felix asked with a slight pout. Y/N rolled her eyes, reaching down at the bucket of beers at their feet and pulling one out. She ignored him, popping the cap and taking a large gulp, immediately gagging and coughing right after. She felt a hand patting her back, and she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, a grimace on her face.

“You don’t even like beer,” Minho spoke out as if she didn’t already know that.

“I don’t. But I lost my mango margarita, so this will have to do.”

“How did you manage to lose your margarita?”

“Just lost it going to the bathroom.” She mumbled back, taking another god-forsaken sip of the beer. Minho let out a hum in response, like he didn’t exactly believe her. Y/N could feel his stare on her, choosing to ignore it and not say anything back.

“Oh, Y/N,” Felix’s voice spoke rather loudly, giving her arm a little tug. She looked over at him, seeing a woman now standing beside him. “This is Dani. I met her earlier today. Wanted you two to meet!”

Dani was also gorgeous, hair up into a high ponytail, legs long and tan, shorts hugging her hips just right. Y/N could see that she was also fit and she immediately frowned, because why can’t she look like that?

“Hi!” Dani grinned, and Felix immediately let out a fit of giggles. He leaned his body into her and she didn’t hesitate to wrap her hands around him. “I’ve heard so much about you the entire day. I’m Dani, but you already know that.”

Her smile was so genuine, eyes sparkling at the sight of Felix who was still giggling like a love-struck maniac. “I think he might’ve had a little too much to drink.”

Y/N’s eyes followed the direction of Dani’s hands delicately wrapped around his waist, the way her body just naturally leaned into him, her cheeks red and eyes glistening in amusement. She took in a breath before replying, “Yeah. Looks like you’ve got it under control though.”

She was happy for him—really, she was. Felix deserved to find someone who would look at him like that. It was even better that she didn’t look like she just wanted to sleep with him and be done with it. She genuinely looked like a nice girl with good intentions. So of course, Y/N was happy for him. She just wasn’t happy.

Dani smiled at her in reply, her attention on Y/N then falling onto Felix as he began whispering something in her ear, a fit full of giggles coming out of the both of them. Y/N turned away from them, eyes focusing on the band currently performing, putting the beer bottle up to her lips.

“They’ll be coming on soon,” Minho spoke up, bumping his shoulder with Y/N’s. She didn’t need to ask who they were, stomach feeling a little queasy at the mention of them. She let out a small hum in response. “They’ll also have a little longer stage time than the others. It can get pretty intense, especially with their fans around us. Just wanted to give you a heads up.”

“Thanks, but it’s all good.” She responded with a curt nod of her head.

She could feel Minho looking at her again, could hear Felix and Dani beside her laughing, could see the mass of people dancing to the music that was currently playing. The sun was starting to go down, the sweat drying on her back, and she took in a breath, taking another sip of the beer.

——>

The stars were out.

Y/N was four beers in, feeling a little fuzzy but nothing like a couple nights ago, swaying to the music that was playing over the speakers. Another band had just finished performing and now it was a brief intermission before the last band of the night came on to end the night. Y/N knew who this band would be, had been dreadfully yet excitingly expecting it for hours. The feeling in her stomach was getting stronger each second that passed, hands slightly shaking in anticipation of the next few minutes, and yet the only thing she could seem to think of was that the stars were out.

There wasn’t too many of them, just a couple scattered across the night sky. She noticed that the brightest one seemed to be towards her right, directly over the stage, and she began to count them one by one as another memory took over her mind.

“What are you doing?” Y/N asked, plopping down beside Hyunjin who was currently sat on the bench, bookbag lying on his lap. His body was slouched down, head against the top of the back of the bench, seemingly mumbling to himself. He didn’t answer her, continuing to mumble to himself, eyes focused on the stars lining the sky in front of them.

“Hello?” She tried again, snapping her fingers in front of his face, placing her down bookbag beside her on the bench. Hyunjin quickly swat her hand away, and she let out a little giggle at the now annoyed look on his face. She asked her question again, copying his position on the bench and scooting closer to him.

“Counting stars,” He grumbled back, continuing to list off what she now recognized as numbers. She didn’t say anything back, glancing up at the sky.

The sound of the double-doors opening and voices were heard behind them, Y/N assuming it was the rest of Hyunjin’s teammates who were making their way outside the school to get in their cars and head home. Hyunjin had a late practice today, so Y/N was stuck doing homework while she waited on him for two and a half hours since he was her ride home. She didn’t mind it, though.

“28!” He shouted, and Y/N jumped slightly, “28 stars! At least that’s what I can see in front of me.”

Y/N hummed in response, letting out a yawn, rubbing her eyes gently. Hyunjin turned his head to face her, “You’re tired already? You’ve barely done anything today. You must have gotten tired watching me do all that running on the field.”

Y/N hit him lightly on the shoulder in reply, mumbling at him to shut up, and he let out a soft chuckle in reply. The sound of car doors slamming shut and engines starting up were suddenly heard, and Y/N glanced up to see that everyone was starting to head home. She looked back over to Hyunjin. He was already looking back at the sky.

“Infinity,” He spoke out in a soft tone, voice carrying through the soft breeze. Y/N looked at him in confusion. “You know how long it would take to actually count the stars? Infinity. That’s what’s so interesting about it. You think you’ve counted them all, think you’ve finally got it down, but then another one pops up and then you’re counting again. Just a never ending cycle. You’ll never get it right, no matter how much you want to.”

His hair was held back with a headband, softly moving from the wind, posture relaxed, eyes soft and showing a bit of exhaustion. The words sat for a minute, then as if he broke out of a trance, he turned towards her, “Sorry. I know you’re ready to go home. We can go now.”

He moved his hand to dig into the pocket on his shorts to retrieve his keys, but Y/N stopped him, gently placing her hand on top of his. He looked at her, curling up into a little ball as she scooted even closer to him, hands wrapping around his arm.

“It’s okay. We can stay a little bit longer.”

A shrill of screams suddenly broke her out of her little trance, the crowd seeming to go completely wild as the lights turned off. It was dark, the screams growing even more intense as a guitar riff began playing over the speakers. The beat then changed to an upbeat R&B sound, strobe lights flashing in red colors as a video of each of the members began playing on the big screen, ending with Hyunjin. He was posing for the camera, a white tank top on with tight leather pants, long hair slicked back. She felt her heart begin to race when the video cut off and it went black again.

It wasn’t long before the music started up again, the lights immediately coming back on, the beginning of a song starting. Screams began to ring through her ears, more intense than before, and she stumbled a little as she felt someone knock into her backside, Minho being quick to steady her and shoot a glare at whoever it was behind them. She had stumbled again, Minho now shouting at the swarm of people behind them, but Y/N didn’t pay attention to that. How could she, when Hyunjin was now visible on the stage, the lights twinkling behind him so elegantly.

He was dressed in a red silk cardigan with a black tank top underneath, black leather pants framing his legs so perfectly. Half of his hair was tied back into a bun making his facial features more prominent, making his eyes even more darker than they already were. Y/N could tell by the way he was carrying himself on the stage that something was off. Chan and Han were yelling at the crowd, running down the walk-way while playing their guitars, the crowd going crazy. Changbin was standing up behind the drums twirling the drumsticks in his hands, a smirk on his face. And Hyunjin was standing in the center, seemingly frozen in place.

It wasn’t until Changbin hit the drums that seemed to bring him out of his little trance as he began prancing down the stairs to stand in front of his mic. He grabbed it with both of his hands, closing his eyes as he began to sing the beginning of the song.

Time stopped.

Suddenly, Y/N couldn’t see the swarm of people standing around her. She couldn’t feel them knocking into her back, couldn’t hear their voices that were overpowering the song. Everything was a blur, a simple fragment of her imagination—everything was a blur, except for him.

Y/N always knew Hyunjin could sing. He had that ability to perfect everything he did, so of course it was no surprise when she heard him for the first time.

The first time she heard him was when they were both fifteen, in their freshman year of high school. Y/N had just gotten dropped off at his house, had made her way up the stairs and towards his bedroom, when she heard him. He was in the shower, the bathroom door cracked open slightly, singing the words to She Will Be Loved. She found herself walking closer to the door, heart pounding in her chest, hand opening the door a little bit wider to hear him better. He had stopped, then, calling out her name. She stumbled back, a string of apologies coming out of her mouth.

“You wanna see me naked or something?” He had said to tease her.

“No, you idiot! I was trying to hear you sing.”

She remembered how his grin dropped so suddenly, so uneasily—the droplets of his wet hair falling down, soaking his t-shirt. He looked as if he was experiencing an inner turmoil, eyes looking everywhere but at her, cheeks pink in slight embarrassment.

“It’s beautiful,” She whispered out. He looked back at her. “You’re beautiful, Jinnie.”

Y/N always knew Hyunjin could sing, but nothing could have prepared her for this.

It had started off soft, smooth, sweet—just like honey. Then it began to progress into something entirely foreign, entirely compelling. His voice got louder, more intense, and then he was belting out lyrics in a way Y/N had never experienced before. And as he stood there, expressing himself in a light Y/N had never seen him in, she felt it. All the years of friendship—the years of heartbreak, of self-acceptance, of discovery, of love—she felt it all, and she felt it hard. It was overpowering, hitting her all at once like a train crushing her body at full speed. Except it wasn’t a train, after all. It was Hyunjin.

It was always Hyunjin.

Suddenly, she felt a soft pressure on her hand. It knocked her out of her trance for a second as she glanced over, seeing that Minho had grabbed ahold of her hand. It was gentle, barely there at all, but she found herself smiling softly at the gesture, noting that he wasn’t exactly the type to show any form of affection. She didn’t realize a tear had fallen down her cheek until it reached her chin. He must have noticed sooner.

She held it back.

——>

“I can’t believe you didn’t go home with Lix and his new fling.”

Y/N looked at Minho, hands playing with the ends of her braids as she sat on the couch, mumbling out a small thanks as he handed her a cup of diet coke. “Did you just hear what came out of your mouth? Of course I’m not going home with them.”

“Yeah but I doubt you wanna be here either,” He replied, leg bumping against hers as he sat down beside her. He glanced at her, “You can go back to mine if you want. You really don’t have to be here. I can call a ride for you.”

She took a sip of the diet coke, wishing there was some rum in it, but not particularly in the mood to drink anymore tonight. “I’m fine. If I want to leave, I’ll leave, trust me.”

Minho didn’t look too convinced, (he never did), taking a sip of his beer before letting out a sigh. He was about to say something else when a chorus of screams flew through the room. She looked up, seeing that Chan, Han, Changbin, and a couple of other people were coming in the room. She tried to ignore the slight feeling of disappointment she felt when she didn’t see Hyunjin.

Minho immediately stood up, heading straight towards Chan and the other guys. Y/N could hear him telling him how sick they sounded, how awesome they looked on stage. Y/N could not agree more—they were definitely the highlight of the entire festival. She understood now why the crowd was so hype and why so many people were swooning over them. They were all great looking guys, could all play instruments and sing exceptionally well, could all carry a rhythm when they moved. So really, it was no surprise that they were successful.

A call of her name broke her out of her thoughts and she glanced up to see that Minho was waving her over. She quickly stood up, not wanting to be more rude than she already was, and made her way over towards them, Minho placing a hand over her back as he edged her closer.

“Y/N!” Chan grinned, wasting no time in pulling her into a quick hug, “I’m so glad you came! I hope you enjoyed yourself and we didn’t completely suck cause that would be really embarrassing otherwise.”

“Of course not,” She giggled in reply, “You guys were amazing, seriously. I’ve never been to a festival like this before but you guys stole the show, by far.”

“Don’t make me blush, now,” He teased, “But seriously, thanks for coming and supporting us. Means a lot. To all of us.”

Y/N’s smile loosened a little at his comment, feeling like there was a deeper meaning behind it, especially when seeing the sincerity and softness in Chan’s expression. Before she could say anything back, Chan had pat Minho on the back, flicking his head over towards the table full of food and drinks. “Want anything to eat? We’ve got an entire table full of whatever you can think of. Drinks, too. Get whatever you want.”

“I can go grab us a plate to share,” Y/N offered, seeing that the other guys and a couple of women were now making their way over to them. Her social anxiety was starting to brew, and she was a little hungry.

Minho nodded at her before beginning to engage with the other guys and Y/N took this as her cue to head to the food table. She politely greeted one of the waitresses who was standing behind the table before grabbing ahold of a plate, awkwardly making her way down the table in search of what they would want. Chan really wasn’t lying when he said there would be anything you could think of.

She was reaching for a couple of bacon wrapped jalapeños when a voice startled her.

“Hey,” The voice spoke, causing Y/N to jump a little as she whipped her head around, eyes widening slightly in surprise when seeing Han standing beside her. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You’re fine,” She let out in reply, voice soft, timid. What was he doing here talking to her? Shouldn’t he be talking to everyone else?

He let out a sigh before grabbing a bacon wrapped jalapeño from the table, popping it in his mouth. It was silent for a couple seconds, the only sounds being from the distant chatter in the background and his light smacking. Y/N could practically feel the waitresses eyes boring holes into her, probably also wondering why he was making conversation with her.

She was adding a couple of veggies to the plate when he began to speak again. “So, uh—I felt like I needed to apologize. To you.”

Y/N could feel her hands starting to sweat. “You don’t—“

“Yes, I do,” He quickly cut her off, grabbing another popper. He let out another sigh. “Look, I didn’t mean to make such a scene earlier today. To be fair, I didn’t know what you looked like. Obviously I know who you are from Hyunjin, but he never showed me pictures or anything like that. He was always weird about it. I just know you guys have some history and all that and you mean a lot to the guy, so.”

Y/N could feel her ears start to ring, the sweat now becoming more prominent on her hands she felt like the plate would slip right out. Her mouth was starting to go dry, throat closing up, because what did he just say? Hyunjin talked about her?

“And that was just totally uncalled for, anyway. I mean, you falling and getting hurt and everything. I hope you didn’t get too hurt, by the way. Our bodyguards can be too much sometimes. Anyway, I just wanted to come up and formally apologize to you. I hope—“

It was as if one word was going through one ear and out the other, Y/N not able to comprehend anything else coming out of Han’s mouth. It was not that she didn’t appreciate his apology, or his now constant rambling, but the fact that Hyunjin had just walked in. And the same girl from earlier was with him.

The feeling of rage slowly started to creep back inside her seeing that she was perched so delicately on his arm. Her hands were manicured perfectly, fitting oh so perfectly wrapped around his arm. Y/N wondered for a second if he paid for them, if he treated her to a spa day frequently so she could always have them so pretty and soft. So pretty and soft for him.

Her smile was wide, teeth so white and straight, lips adorned with a sensual shade of red. Hyunjin always said he liked red lipstick on a girl, as red reminded him of roses, of intimacy, of love. Did he make her wear red all the time? Did he love the way her lips felt against his? Did he love her?

Of course he did—he had to.

And what makes the icing on the cake is the fact that she is exactly what she always pictured as his type. Fit, stylish, petite—she looked like someone you would see in a painting. She fit his aesthetic. She fit him.

And god—seeing her wrapped around him hurt. It hurt a lot.

She hated it.

“Nice, they have our favorites!” Minho let out excitingly, grabbing a popper from the plate she was still holding. She didn’t even realize he had made his way over here. He must have been here for a minute, as Han didn’t greet him, nodding his head in agreement, mouth full of poppers. “Did ya eat already?” He mumbled out.

“Yep,” She lied, not having much of an appetite at all now. She doesn’t think she could stomach anything right now.

“God, these are so good.” Minho groaned out after pulling her into his side, making conversation with Han. Y/N could feel her eyes boring holes into the woman who was now speaking with another group of women, laughing so loudly and so obnoxiously that she just wanted to go throw this plate of damned jalapeños on her Chanel dress.

Minho had leaned over her to grab a couple more, placing one in front of her lips in attempt to feed her, as he sometimes did with her and Felix. She didn’t really want to, but didn’t want to make Minho start asking if she was okay again, so she took a bite, pretending she liked it even though she didn’t want to.

Glancing back up, instead of her eyes locking back on the woman stuck up Hyunjin’s ass, she found her eyes locked on him. And he was already starring back.

Someone was talking to him, arm wrapped around his shoulders, but he didn’t seem to be paying them any attention. She watched as his gaze went from being on her to being on Minho’s arm that was still around her body. His gaze darkened, eyebrows furrowing as he watched him pull her closer once he laughed at something Han had said, eyes shooting back up towards her own.

It was starting to feel hot. She felt like her body was on fire, could practically feel sweat trailing down her back. He kept looking at her like she was his last meal, and it was starting to suffocate her.

“Here, take this,” She handed the plate of food to Minho who took it without complaint, “I’m gonna go outside for a sec. I’ll be back.”

Not waiting on him to reply, she quickly shook out of his arms and made her way towards the back door, swiftly opening it and letting out a gasp of air. It was much cooler out here, less suffocating; she finally felt like she could breathe again.

She let out another breath before walking over towards the brick wall, sliding down to sit on the ground. She tilted her head back, glancing up at the sky, taking the time to begin counting them in her head in attempts to calm herself down a bit.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven… and then the door opened.

She kept counting, kept her gaze on the sky, kept focusing on her breathing. Because if she didn’t, she would look over to see who had just came outside. And she had a feeling she knew who it would be.

Her guess was right.

“I didn’t know you would be here.”

The words hung in the air for a couple seconds, heart constricting lightly at the tone. She still didn’t look over.

She had gotten to fifteen when he spoke again.

“Why are you here?”

She tried to ignore the pang she felt in her chest at his question, wanting to slam herself against the wall when realizing he wasn’t going to leave even if she ignored him. He never did.

“I’m here with Minho. He wanted to come.” She replied curtly.

“Minho?” He spoke out, the name sounding bitter coming out of his mouth, “What, you fucking him or something?”

She stopped counting, then, glancing over to see him standing in front of her, arms crossed over his chest, gaze piercing through her. “Why do you care?” She let out, watching as his jaw clenched slightly.

He didn’t say anything back. She could see that his breathing was starting to pick up, his fingers tightening on his arms from where they were currently crossed. “Why don’t you just mind your damn business and go back inside to your little doll that’s been hanging on your arm all night, and just leave me alone.”

She immediately regretted it when the words came out of her mouth, but that feeling soon went away when he started talking again.

“Oh, so that’s what this is about?” He scoffed out, smirk framing his plump lips, piercing shining in the night, “You getting an attitude with me because of some girl you saw me with? That’s cute.”

“Shut up, Hyunjin,” She replied back, voice cracking slightly, adjusting her legs slightly. She felt a slight breeze between her thighs when moving, Hyunjin’s eyes flickering downwards for a second before landing back on her. “Just… leave me alone. Please.”

Her voice cracked again at the end, soft and pleading. He immediately picked up on her body language, how she curled herself more into a ball, how her eyes struggled to meet his, how her lip started to quiver. He let out a sigh, walking over and sitting down beside her gently, hands over his knees.

“I just wanna talk for a minute.”

“We’ve had years to do that, Hyunjin,” She whispered back.

It was quiet. The longer they sat there, the longer she realized how much she missed him. She hated the fact that even though their arms were barely grazing one another, even though she was finally breathing the same air as him again, even though they were finally talking, she felt her heart swell, felt the butterflies swarming in her stomach. And it pained her to sit here and feel these things because she knows she shouldn’t.

But she does. She always has.

She felt him move beside her, could see his head fall back onto the wall as he looked up to the sky. His fingers twitched, a sigh escaping his mouth. He inched a little closer.

“There’s just so much I want to say, I need to say, but I don’t know where to start,” He spoke, eyes never leaving the sky, “I’m just… I wasn’t expecting to see you again. I don’t know how to act or what I’m supposed to do now that you’re here. I just… I’ve got so much to say.”

Her eyes focused in on the brightest star. It outshined the others, and it was glowing, just as Hyunjin was tonight.

“I know you hate me,” He let out with a forced chuckle, “Fuck, I know you hate me. And I know you say you want me to leave you alone, but I don’t think you mean that. So I’m not going to. I know now is probably not a great time, and I know I’m starting to ramble, but I hope we can maybe… you know, start over, or something. I don’t know… what do you think?”

“We’re not supposed to talk when we’re looking at the stars,” She softly replied. She saw his head move out of the corner of her eye, his gaze burning holes into the side of her face. “Last time we talked when we saw the stars, you disappeared for six years. I’d rather not say anything, right now. Let’s just sit here a little bit longer.”

And as they sat there, so close, yet so far away from one another, Y/N focused back in on the brightest star and noted how it was directly between them, almost as if it was trying to connect them back together. She could only hope it wouldn’t steer her wrong again.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

▫️taglist: @hyundumpling, @hhwangsmoon, @luvyblossom, @inthefairygrove, @rebecca-johnson-28 , @betweensupernovasandstars , @allaboutsan , @babigriin , @vixensss

[kpopsexstories]

Master List: Gay K-pop Smut

There's gay smut on this blog! 😄

This blog has primarily been about straight sex: male k-pop idols with either fictional female characters, or with you as the (female) reader. For a year that's all I wrote!

But due to popular demand I've expanded my horizon and opened up to writing gay smut too. In this post you will find an overview of my gay series and links to individual stories.

My Gay Series

I now run several gay series on the blog. The links lead to their respective pages on Story Finder, my external website where you can browse the archives.

Gay K-pop One-shots – Plot-driven smut stories with fluff. Member-on-member or idol x male reader.

Quick Fix Gay – Very short stories that focus more on the sex. Member-on-member or idol x male reader.

Dating Ban Series – The boys of a given group can't date girls. As their gay friend you help them out with their sexual frustrations. All stories are idol x male reader.

➕ Stories are published continuously without a schedule.

➕ Requests are open!

Identifiers

To make it easier for you to find stories you like I include identifiers at the start of each post/story:

🧑🏻‍🤝‍🧑🏻 MEMBERS: The k-pop idol(s) the story is about. I'll also specify if it's member-on-member, member-on-reader, and who is the top/vers/bottom in the scenario.

📦 CONTENT: Key words describing the sex, like Missionary (position), Riding (position), Cumshot, Jerking off, Blowjob, Outdoors, etc.

🍆 TYPE: Refers to the sex and can be:

VANILLA: Sweet, innocent or inexperienced sex

MEDIUM: Regular good sex

WILD: Usually rougher and more explicit

STEAMY: Sensual and passionate involving all senses

UNCONVENTIONAL: Any of the above but with a twist, for example an unusual kink

Posting Schedule

My gay stories generally don't have a fixed schedule. They can appear at any time, though I limit myself to max once per week to mix with my straight content.

I may sometimes announce schedules in advance. For example, I tend to release Quick Fix stories in "seasons" with a story per week for several weeks. I've also done "Gay Thursdays" where every Thursday for several weeks I publish a pre-announced gay story.

You can check the Up-coming Stories page on Story Finder (external website) to see if there are any new gay stories coming soon!

Stories

Below is my master list of individual gay stories. The stories are listed per series and alphabetically per group and member.

* Listed more than once because more than one idol is the main character.

** Listed more than once because is not the main character – part of another member's story.

*R* Requested

Gay K-pop One-shots

NCT CHENLE & JISUNG (Pt. 1) struggle to find time for sex *R*

NCT CHENLE & JISUNG (Pt. 2) finally get some alone time

NCT JENO & JAEMIN wedding night

NCT LUCAS takes you on a ride on his motorcycle *R*

MX WONHO & HYUNGWON picks you up at a bar *R*

Quick Fix Gay

NCT DOYOUNG* compares dick sizes with Jisung

NCT JAEMIN muscle kink *R*

NCT JENO fucks you missionary style *R*

NCT JENO & JAEMIN are your dominant tops *R*

NCT JISUNG* compares dick sizes with Doyoung

Dating Ban Series

Not alphabetical because the stories in this series are meant to be read in order.

Jisung Pt. 1 – Your best friend Jisung reveals his sexual needs when you come for a visit.

Jisung Pt. 2 – You satisfy Jisung's needs.

Haechan – Haechan wants in on the action and takes advantage of you when the others are out.

Mark – Mark sneaks into the bathroom when you're about to take a shower, which leads to hot sex while the others are right outside.

Renjun Pt. 1 – Renjun comes out to you and gives you a blow job in the swimming pool of the NCT Dream apartment complex.

Renjun Pt. 2 – Renjun bottoms for you in the swimming pool locker room.

Jeno Pt. 1 – There seems to be no boundaries left when Jeno comes to Jisung's room to fuck you. He doesn't even close the door!

Jeno Pt. 2 – Chenle and Jaemin listen in while Jeno fucks you hard.

Chenle – Needy Chenle bluntly wakes you from a nap. He's horny and frustrated that you've had sex with seemingly everyone but him.

Jaemin Pt. 1 – Your week-long visit is coming to an end. You embark on a traditional bike ride to Jaemin's favorite spot outside the city.

Jaemin Pt. 2 – A nostalgic moment by a secluded lake leads to unexpected outdoor sex.

All 7 Members Pt. 1 – The stigma is completely gone and the members of NCT Dream are sad to see you leave. You're having sexy with Jisung when Renjun and Jeno come to join.

All 7 Members Pt. 2 – The stigma is completely gone and the members of NCT Dream are sad to see you leave. You embark on an insane orgie with all of them.

All 7 Members Pt. 3 – Rushed for time, the members gather around to all shoot their loads onto your naked body.

Straight Master List & Story Finder

Check out the Master List post for my straight k-pop smut stories. I'm always open to requests, gay or straight.

Or, visit my external website Story Finder where you can browse all stories by content, idol, word count, popularity, requests, and more!

Support My Writing

Click here to buy me a coffee ❤️

[manheeiim]

rafe cameron coded songs - part two

summary: rafe cameron coded songs || warnings: drinking, smoking, rafe is mean and controlling || genre: established relationship, fluff, angst, headcanons || word count: N/A || a/n: more coming soon

𐙚 off to the races - lana del rey

"My old man is a bad man, but, I can't deny the way he holds my hand, and he grabs me, he has me by my heart."

In every single au of him I have in my head, he's always older than reader but significantly so when it comes to father figure bf!rafe and dad's best friend!rafe. He's also totally not the best person, he's literally a bad man, but despite that, reader can't bring themselves to stop loving him.

"He loves me, with every beat of his cocaine heart"

We all know he does coke and is a druggie but either way, he'll love you, drugged up or not and you'll love him both ways as well because you just can't help it.

"Watch me in the swimmin' pool, bright blue ripples. You sittin', sippin' on your Black Cristal, oh, yeah,"

Swimming in the pool in the backyard of Tannyhill, Rafe sits on a lounge chair in his bathing suit, a pair of sunglasses on his face, and a bottle of Schwarzbier in his grasp as he watches you in the pool.

"My old man is a tough man, but he got a soul as sweet as blood-red jam,"

Rafe puts on a tough exterior to everyone else and even to you at times but at the same time, you're the only one who really gets to fully see his sweet side. He won't dare to show it to anyone else, not wanting to seem weak.

"He doesn't mind I have a flat broke-down life. In fact, he says he thinks it's what he might like about me,"

I'm thinking trailer park bunny!reader x kook!rafe. She's poor and unfortunate overall but he doesn't mind. It's kind of intriguing to him. He'll take you into his care, and show you what it's like on his side of town. He likes how fascinated you seem to be with everything he'd taken for granted after having it all of his life.

"Light of his life, fire of his loins. Keep me forever, tell me you own me. Light of your life, fire of your loins. Tell me you own me, gimme them coins"

Yes, I know this in reference to the book "Lolita" and I'm not saying Rafe is a pedo. What I want to mention is the whole power imbalance between Rafe and reader. Rafe would definitely be the one in charge of the relationship, whether you liked it or not. He didn't find anything wrong with it, not at all, and you didn't either, well, most of the time.

"Because I'm crazy, baby. I need you to come here and save me,"

You just want Rafe to keep you in check, to make sure you don't make any mistakes, to keep you out of trouble. He acts annoyed about having to do that, and he honestly does get annoyed. At the same time, though, he likes to have you depend and rely on him like that.

"I'm not afraid to say that I'd die without him. Who else is gonna put up with me this way?"

You don't know what you'd do without him. If he weren't around, what would you have? Nothing. Nothing materialistically anyway. You can't imagine your life without him, you rely on him and love him too much. Things wouldn't go well for you. He's the only one who can put up with your attitude and issues. The only one to love you for you in the way you want.

ᥫ᭡ link to my masterlist

[avonne-writes]

omg can you tell us your headcanons about hs au gale attending bucky's soccer practices/games and bucky attending gale's meets. (i imagine gale becoming friends w the other significant other's on the bleachers and bucky making corny posters for gale LOL)

Aw, cute ask, I love it 💕 Bucky would definitely make corny signs for Gale!

Gale usually does his homework while waiting for Bucky's soccer practice to be over. When they came out in the beginning of Year 10, he started waiting around for him more often and sat on the bleachers to watch. Coach Red banned him after a few weeks because Bucky was trying to show off more than training and playing like he should have. But Gale gave it another chance next year, and Bucky handled it much better, so Red grudgingly let the issue go.

Bucky doesn’t watch Gale's swimming practices - he tried once and fell asleep. It was very calming, but waking up on hard bleachers with all sorts of muscle pains is not pleasant. Gale doesn’t want him to be there anyway, he doesn’t pay attention to anything outside the pool while he’s training.

When Bucky has a game, Gale is always there. He doesn’t like hanging out with the other SOs actually, because they’re all girls and he doesn’t want to be labelled as one of them. It’s supremely annoying to him when people refer to him as one of the girlfriends or if someone insinuates that he must be "the bottom".

But what he loves is watching the games with Georgia. It makes him feel like he’s part of the family. It feels like a stronger connection than just a high school fling, and it draws less attention to him than sitting with the other boys' girlfriends would. After games, they always have a nice lunch/dinner together, either at home or - if Bucky's begging succeeds - at a fast food place. Gale loves that too. He really enjoys listening to Bucky recount the entire game, even though he saw the whole thing himself.

Swim meets are very long, several hours, and Gale doesn’t swim in all the races, of course, so there's a lot of waiting involved on often uncomfortable, stuffy, crowded bleachers. Unsurprisingly, Gale’s parents haven’t attended any competitions since he was old enough to go alone. Gale tells himself that he doesn’t care.

But when Bucky goes to one not long after coming out, sits through the whole thing, cheers for Gale and whistles for him when he wins a medal, Gale is so happy that he could cry. Once he and Bucky are alone again, he gives Bucky a very passionate kiss. So heated, in fact, that Bucky gets hard, and it's the first time that it happens in a way that they can’t really ignore. I think Gale’s ready to do something about it too, but they don’t have the time/privacy. This is an incident that Bucky referers to in Hands-on Biology.

Another thing worth mentioning is that Bucky plays soccer until the end of his bachelor's degree. Gale continues going to most, if not all of the games, but in college, he develops enough confidence and feels so much better about himself, that he has no problem sitting with the girlfriends. They all love him and they cheer every time when Bucky celebrates scoring by running to the bleachers and kissing Gale. Gale also has a jersey with Bucky's name and number on it, but he only wears it at home and to Bucky's last college soccer game.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

my favorite mulder moments from s2

him having no faith in episode 1 after the x files are terminated, not even believing what he knows to be true regarding his sister’s disappearance

(and then being the moodiest motherfucker for the foreseeable future)

the fact that he got a fish in between s1 and s2. this brought me so much joy, you don’t even know

his monologue in episode 1, addressed to scully, who was not present: “before I could only trust myself, now I can only trust you, and they’ve taken you away from me… my life up until this point has been about seeing her again, but what would I do if they really come?” <- dear goddddddd. sometimes you get some lines that cut right to the heart of a character and this is one such example.

seeing his horrific workspace where he listened to audio recordings, a job he loathed- it was covered in sunflower seeds, pages with doodles, him stabbing an empty cup. truly a man with no fucks to give.

very very very fluffy hair in the early episodes

when episode 5 opens on him swimming in a big pool. there really was no narrative reason for that except we now know he swims recreationally and that is exactly the kind of thing i’m interested in knowing.

in episode 6, when he meets scully’s mom after her kidnapping, he listens to her say she dreamt of her being taken away, and hugs her

(and all throughout that episode, how he was told to go home because he was too close to the case, but instead got more and more involved. he even drove out to try and find her while falling asleep behind the wheel. dangerous behavior)

((and when he thinks scully is at the top of the mountain, he pulls his gun on the man who runs the ski lift to MAKE SURE he can get to the top as quick as possible. this one was WILD to me. pulling a gun on someone, just to get to her as fast as he can!!!!! he did not care about proper protocol! job be damned he was getting her HOME))

(and when they finally DO get duane barry, he sees scully's blood and hair on his wristband, and starts CHOKING him. you do NOT want to mess around with this man. he tells krychek that NO ONE is to interrogate the suspect but him. NO ONE. he is in what i affectionately refer to as bloodhound mode; there shall be no rest until an answer is sleuthed out)

trying to return scully’s necklace to her mother, who refuses to take it, so he can give it back to her

he has a lot of really emotional moments with scully’s mom, such as telling her she can’t give up hope even as they are picking up her gravestone in episode 8, which he cannot bear to look at

when scully is found, he bursts into the hospital, screaming at the doctor and saying he’ll do anything to figure out what they did to her, to the point where he had to be escorted from the room

(also love when he’s waiting to hear news on how she is doing, and he’s pacing his apartment, bouncing a ball, entirely unable to sit still, he’s so terrified)

after she is found, x tells him to walk away and never look back, and he immediately disregards this information to go chase down whoever knew anything about scully’s disappearance

when her family decides its time to remove her life support, he refuses to go in with them, looking the saddest and wettest a man has ever been

“you could spend the rest of your life finding every person that’s responsible, and it’s still not gonna bring her back”, says melissa. “including myself?” he asks. always taking the blame.

breaking into CIGARETTE MAN’S HOUSE. gun to his head. why her, he asks.

his confrontation scene with skinner, who refuses to accept his one-sentence resignation letter, and who tells him of his own demons. allowing for some skinner lore and deep connections to be made.

again in episode 8, he’s waiting in his apartment for the folks who took scully to arrive so he can kill them, but melissa puts him into his place- “why is it so much easier for you to run around trying to get even than just expressing to her how you feel? i expect more from you. dana expects more from you”

so he leaves his apartment and the one chance he’ll ever have to know who did this to her, and instead goes to sit by her bedside, holds her hand, and talks to her comatose body

(then, we he returns to his apartment, which has been ransacked by those involved with the crime, he falls to the ground, sobbing)

but how BIG he smiled when he heard that her eyes were open!!

in episode 9, when he finally has her back, how he helps her out of the helicopter when they fly to a distant volcano research base <3

also, in episode 10, when they’re being driven to a farm, and he lets her take shotgun so he can lounge about in the back

when he drops this banger line while sitting at a picnic table in episode 12: “i’ve often felt that dreams are the answers to questions we haven’t yet figured out how to ask” (and then does not elaborate)

at the aforementioned picnic table, the detective vaguely describes seeing some sort of symbol, and he immediately realizes it was the logo for the 1939 world’s fair, which is SO funny to me. because WHY does he know that!

when he lifts the caution tape over scully so she can bring her umbrella to the rainy crime scene in episode 13 <3

talking to a random guy in a town they’re visiting for an investigation: “you know andy” “no, I don’t” “well, andy knows you” <- another instance of him being famous in the nerd community

all the times he starts rambling about different belief systems, like the idea of obtaining a new soul in the ep 13, or the concept of wicca in episode 14

when they go to the refugee camp in episode 15, and a child tries to sell them a good luck charm, which he pays a nice $5 bill for

getting hit by a car in episode 16, and then making some dumbass quip about how he should have used the crosswalk

going back home when his "sister" is found, tucking his mom into bed with a kiss

then his dad confronting him, blaming him for losing his sister in episode 17,  leaving him crying as he tries to process the grief of getting her back just to feel guilty for her death

(don’t worry though- it wasn’t really her. but damn, he thought it was, and this scene was devastating)

finding his faith again with scully at his bedside after almost dying of alien poison

when he goes for a jog in florida (episode 20), arguably the hottest and most miserable of all continental US states, in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. and i cannot explain this behavior. he is deeply peculiar.

on the investigation of the sideshow performers, he flirts with the man fixing scully’s pipes to get him to leave. or as i call it: “weaponized bisexuality”

when he slides through a tiny trap door in a haunted house to come and find scully. great visual gag. i chuckled.

feeling sick at home, taking advil in his slutty little tanktop in episode 25. then proceeding to go wild because he was being drugged. don’t worry, he ends up okay. thanks only to scully.

[doubleunion]

The making of the SF family swim map!

This is a technical blog post showcasing a project (swim.joyfulparentingsf.com) made by Double Union members! Written by Ruth Grace Wong.

Emeline (a good friend and fellow DU member) and I love swimming with our kids. The kids love it too, and they always eat really well after swimming! But for a long time we were frustrated about SF Rec & Park's swim schedules. Say today is Wednesday and you want to swim, you have to click on each pool's website and download their PDF schedule to check where and when family swim is available, and the schedules change every few months.

Emeline painstakingly downloaded all the PDFs and manually collated the schedules onto our Joyful Parenting SF blog. The way Rec and Parks structure their schedule assumes that swimmers go to their closest pool, and only need the hours for that particular pool. But we found that this was different from how many families, especially families with young children, research swim times. Often, they have a time where they can go swimming, and they are willing to go to different swimming pools. Often, they’re searching for a place to swim at the last minute. Schedules hence need to allow families to search which pools are open at what time for family swimming. Initially, we extracted family swim times manually from each pool’s pdf schedule and listed them in a blog post. It wasn't particularly user friendly, so she made an interactive map using Felt, where you could select the time period (e.g. Saturday Afternoon) and see which pool offered family swim around that time.

But the schedules change every couple of months, and it got to be too much to be manually updating the map or the blog post. Still, we wanted some way to be able to easily see when and where we could swim with the kids.

Just as we were burning out on manually updating the list, SF Rec & Park released a new Activity Search API, where you can query scheduled activities once their staff have manually entered them into the system. I wrote a Python script to pull Family Swim, and quickly realized that I had to also account for Parent and Child swim (family swim where the parents must be in the water with the kids), and other versions of this such as "Parent / Child Swim". Additionally, the data was not consistent – sometimes the scheduled activities were stored as sub activities, and I had to query the sub activity IDs to find the scheduled times. Finally, some pools (Balboa and Hamilton) have what we call "secret swim", where if the pool is split into a big and small pool, and there is Lap Swim scheduled with nothing else at the same time, the small pool can be used for family swim. So I also pulled all of the lap swim entries for these pools and all other scheduled activities at the pool so I could cross reference and see when secret family swim was available.

We've also seen occasional issues where there is a swim scheduled in the Activity Search, but it's a data entry error and the scheduled swim is not actually available, or there's a Parent Child Swim scheduled during a lap swim (but not all of the lap swims so I can't automatically detect it!) that hasn't been entered into the Activity Search at all. Our friends at SF Kids Swim have been working with SF Rec & Park to advocate for the release of the API, help correct data errors, and ask if there is any opportunity for process improvement.

At the end of the summer, Felt raised their non profit rate from $100 a year to $250 a year. We needed to pay in order to use their API to automatically update the map, but we weren't able to raise enough money to cover the higher rate. Luckily, my husband Robin is a full stack engineer specializing in complex frontends such as maps, and he looked for an open source WebGL map library. MapBox is one very popular option, but he ended up going with MapLibre GL because it had a better open source license. He wrote it in Typescript transpiled with Vite, allowing all the map processing work to happen client-side. All I needed to do was output GeoJSON with my Python script.

Originally I had been running my script in Replit, but I ended up deciding to switch to Digital Ocean because I wasn't sure how reliably Replit would be able to automatically update the map on a schedule, and I didn't know how stable their pricing would be. My regular server is still running Ubuntu 16, and instead of upgrading it (or trying to get a newer version of Python working on an old server or – god forbid – not using the amazing new Python f strings feature), I decided to spin up a new server on Almalinux 9, which doesn't require as frequent upgrades. I modified my code to automatically push updates into version control and recompile the map when schedule changes were detected, ran it in a daily cron job, and we announced our new map on our blog.

Soon we got a request for it to automatically select the current day of the week, and Robin was able to do it in a jiffy. If you're using it and find an opportunity for improvement, please find me on Twitter at ruthgracewong.

As a working mom, progress on this project was stretched out over nearly half a year. I'm grateful to be able to collaborate with the ever ineffable Emeline, as well as for support from family, friends, and SF Kids Swim. It's super exciting that the swim map is finally out in the world! You can find it at swim.joyfulparentingsf.com.

[sl-walker]

Preview...

...from the next chapter of Stardust, which will go out at some point after I finish it. Until then, please enjoy this opener to an already wildly self-indulgent chapter.

--

“I maintain that this would be easier in a pool,” Ted said, though given his tone, he was kvetching to kvetch -- his term -- and was perfectly content with where they were.

Booster had never been in any body of water larger than a hot tub or a cold water post-game bath before, so obviously he’d wanted to jump into Lake Michigan.  It was upwards of 90 out and it wasn’t the dry heat of El Paso; this heat clung to the body, making clothes stick in wildly uncomfortable ways and in insanely uncomfortable places, and so naturally he wanted to wear as little as possible and the best place to get away with wearing very little was the beach.  The incredible amount of blue and water was just a bonus.

And that wasn’t even taking into account a Ted wearing nothing but swim goggles and trunks.  Which meant this could well be either Booster’s very personal heaven or his very personal hell.  Unless there was a weird personal purgatory where you were being tortured with the appealing sight of the unaware object of your affections?

Hell if he knew.  There was a reason he body-swerved religion like it was a wharf rat hissing from the storm drain.

He'd thought about going out to some of the Long Island beaches before, maybe as an afternoon trip, but the ocean intimidated him every bit as much as he was fascinated by it.  By his time, the oceans were very barren; mostly, they existed as giant vats to grow specialized algae, which in turn became the building blocks of most food sources.  Storms could rage, but the vast bumpers and floats and dividers kept the surface anywhere near shore fairly smooth; to let it get wild would be to risk starving some large portion of the roughly two billion people inhabiting Earth at any given time.

In this time, waves roared ashore and smashed against rocks and the first time he’d stood on an unsheltered walk next to an unfettered ocean had left him so awed that he didn’t even remember the walk back to the motel.  His face was windburned and he was cold enough that he took the warmest shower he could coax out of the motel’s hot-water heaters, and then sat shivering wrapped in the cheap blankets after.

But even as he did, he was still reliving the reverberation of water pounding the shore, a low and bone-shaking boom that felt like it changed the very rhythm of his heart right through the soles of his shoes.  He was still tasting salt, flecks of seawater spray flung by the wind, long after it had to have been impossible to.

Lake Michigan was cheerful by comparison to that; the waves were nonexistent today, and given the rental Ted had chosen, the largely private beach was likewise quiet.  Down the way, one of the various public beaches that lined the North Shore was busier -- Jaime, Brenda and Paco had abandoned them to go investigate the more social scene, in fact -- but there had been no talk of Booster and Ted going with.

If one was going to half-ass some swimming lessons, then it couldn’t be a better day for it, or a better location.  And, ulterior motives about getting to see the man in trunks aside, Booster wouldn’t have wanted them from anyone but Ted anyway.

Booster shrugged, drawing his hands through the water in a wide arc around himself, feeling the resistance against his palms. “Easier, sure, but way less pretty,” he said, as he pretended with award-winning composure that he was referring to the lake and not his oblivious instructor.  Though the lake was also pretty.

“Yeah, but with a pool you can practice kicking by holding onto the side.  For an example.”  Ted looked around; he had so much sunscreen on his face and shoulders that there was a glaze of it left on his skin.  Not enough to hide the birthmark on the back of one shoulder.  He smelled like artificial coconut, which was definitely not Booster’s favorite scent, and Booster still would have happily buried his face in Ted’s neck for a snootful.  “I mean, out here all you have to hold onto is me,” Ted added.

Booster stared at him for a second or two, then swallowed down a groan and just let himself slide below the surface because it was that or die right there.

He was laying sort-of on the floor of Lake Michigan in a speedo and goggles and the guy he was absolutely head over heels for was mostly naked and this was the single worst idea he’d ever had in his life.

But, he had to allow as he stared up through the water at the distorted image of his best friend looking down at him in what was undoubtedly a bemused fashion, there were definitely worse ways to go.

[crunchyfield]

What is Minecraft's gravitational constant value ?

This post is a follow up to this one, in which we found out Minecraft's acceleration due to gravity value :

When I say gravitational constant, I imply the one regarding players because it depends on the acceleration due to gravity which itself depends on entities in Minecraft (otherwise it's mostly inconsistant).

I'm not gonna lie this topic is way harder than its prequel, and I DID NOT see anything on the internet (not to say there isn't anything) talking about it (so if you wanna argue on smth pls source what your saying).. actually nobody really searched for Minecraft's gravitational constant value.

So here we are looking into that.

First of all, one thing to know is that a Minecraft world spreads over 30 million blocks in each direction of the orthonormal basis (here I'm referring to absolute distances) in 2 dimensions (in every direction except in altitude) :

From this we can calculate the area from a square-like perspective :

Now most people assume Minecraft´s earth to be a cubic planet but this would mean that a player falling from a certain height get a different falling time depending on the place you are (on corners especially).

After testing it out, I ended up noticing a player's falling time is approximately the same regardless of the place you fall from (from a given height) which only means one thing, Minecraft earth is a spherical planet (might sound very odd to you but it is indeed logical).

Besides, using the area we calculated and the sphere area formula, we can solve for the radius :

Since we have got both Minecraft earth's radius & Minecraft's acceleration due to gravity value, we can (re)try to use Newton's law of attraction :

Then after simplifying and solving for the gravitational constant with Newton's second law of motion, we still gotta figure out Minecraft's planet's density (as we can determine the volume, it's better to search for density rather than mass).

Unfortunately, substituting formulas in equations, making linear systems, the gravitational constant as well as the density always checked out :(

Even after introducing more formulas (like the kappa formula or the escape velocity formula) it couldn't be any more relevant :/

There seems to be something wrong but long after hours upon hours of researches (and dozen liters of sweat that could fulfill a whole swimming pool lol) I realised we could proceed by identification going back to this formula :

A product of 2 unknowns equals a constant (as g and the radius are known).. interesting...

Guess what, in order to proceed by identification, let's dispatch known parameters and constants as well :

Let's now see the numerical approximations of each physical quantities using real-world values beforehand :

Okay so what's important is to look at the scale order of the inverse of the radius, it's a 10^-7 order and it's pretty close to the actual universe's gravitational constant standing with a 10^-11 scale order.

So let us add a 10^3/10^3 in the following way :

We get to see that 1/(radius*10^3) has got (practically) a scale order of 10^-11.. we're steadily stepping towards the answer guys : )

I also want to point out g*10^3 and density p (rho) scale orders are even.

Which in fact means :

where :

If we break down π into sqrt(π) * sqrt(π) in this manner we get :

with :

Consequently, applying numerical values related to our real-life solar system & earth results in values infinitesimally nearing the actual approxs (it's demonstrated through relative gap calculations being less than 1 %) ;)

hence :

respective relative gaps :

Furthermore, since we study Minecraft's earth planet, we can use the previous final formulas to calculate approximations of both Minecraft's planet related gravitational constant value and density value (as Minecraft suggests a similar solar system to ours in which its earth belongs in) :

Okay we got what we wanted, but let me suggest you a quick understanding to check the coherence of our results.

Take a close a look at that formula identified from Newton's law of attraction, we know G (gravitational constant) tends to zero (its value is so small it´s almost zero: about 6.67*10^-11 m^3 • s^-2 • kg^-1) and the radius being a large number.In order to get a final value greater than 1, earth's mass have got to be really large & so the density.

In the case of Minecraft, as the radius is larger and we know the overall division value is approximately 3.23 greater than the real-life one which makes it obvious Minecraft earth's mass, density & volume are greater for sure.

So that's pretty much what we had to do to get an approx of Minecraft planet's related gravitational constant.

Sidenote: It's just a hypothesis, I wanted to make something plausible, cuz assuming our earth's properties to make calculations haven't really satisfied me and isn't correct to apply in a video game (plus people making these assumptions usually don't explain why they use them for a given case).

Also, I'm aware the units aren't possibly correct but all you need is a reference value which wouldn't change the results (1.0 {insert appropriate unit} ) with units making up for the wrong ones.

Edit: For sussy bakas, I solved the whole thing symbolically at first and only (purposefully) numerically displayed intermediate results to picture a significant value but didn't till the final results offline :p

[mrsshabana]

Can you give a few tips on digital art? I'd love to get into it but I'm not sure how to start, what equipment/apps do you use? Thank youu 💞

♡ 𝑫𝒊𝒈𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝑨𝒓𝒕 𝑻𝒊𝒑𝒔 ♡

Of course! I would love to give some digital art tips! My first tip is to just have fun! If you are drawing for yourself and just want to have fun, then draw however you want that makes it the most fun experience for you! ଘ( ･ω･)_/ﾟ･:*:･｡☆ 𝑬𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒑𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔

I use Clip Studio Paint, for most of my digital paintings. Though I started off using Photoshop. I used to only use photoshop but I would not recommend it for beginners as it is expensive and difficult to learn. I would definitely recommend Clip Studio Paint as it's much cheaper and easier to learn.

I use the Huion Kamvas 13 drawing tablet. That is the link to the exact one I got from Amazon. It's a lot cheaper than Wacom tablets and it works just as good. I've been using this one for years and it's been great!

𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕

I would recommend starting by drawing what you see. What I mean by that, is look up photos of things and try to replicate them as much as you can. I did this for a long time (probably too long) but it helped me immensely. Because everything we draw is based on what we see, so if you can replicate that then you can draw anything.

For example, if you know you want to get really good at drawing Gyutaro, I would look up male bodies and draw them. (Real bodies, not drawings or cartoons).

𝑨𝒓𝒕 𝑺𝒕𝒚𝒍𝒆

This may be controversial, but personal art styles don't really exist. This is the first thing I learned in art school and I think it was one of the most important things I learned.

What I mean by this, is that no one owns any particular art style. An art style is developed in many ways but it mostly emerges from combining other art styles or stems from another art style.

People worry way too much about "finding their art style". Don't do this, it's a waste of time. After time each artist develops a way of drawing that comes naturally to them but that comes over many years, so don't try to force it to happen. And when it does happen, don't stick to one art style!

I would say it is most beneficial to teach yourself multiple art styles. Every time I start a new drawing I try to figure out what art style I want to draw in. I do this by going through the art I've saved on Pinterest. I'll see something I like and make a set of rules that I have to follow while drawing in order to replicate that specific art style.

Not only is it more fun being able to draw in multiple art styles, but it's necessary if you want a career in art. (By career I don't mean doing commissions, I mean being hired by a company to make art. Like a concept artist for example.)

If you're worried about what art styles to try, just try any one that catches your eye! Or you can start by trying to draw realism. That's what I did, and it's very difficult and time consuming but if you can master realism then you can succeed at almost any art style a lot easier.

𝑹𝒆𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔

I cannot stress how important references are! If you do not use references when drawing then you are setting yourself up for failure.

References are photos you use to look at as a guide when drawing. For example, let's say I want to draw Gyutaro swimming in a pool. I'd look up photos (references) of Gyutaro so when I'm drawing him I can look back at them to make sure I am drawing him correctly. I would also look up photo's of a guy swimming, I would use this photo to guide me when drawing the pose and also when drawing the water etc.

So always use references!! And don't be afraid to copy poses either, it saves lots of time and is very helpful for learning how to draw anatomy. Don't be afraid to use yourself as a reference either.

For example, when I drew Gyutaro having a pillow fight I couldn't find a good reference for the pose that I had in mind. So I just took a photo of myself in that pose! I look nothing like Gyutaro, but a body is a body. I used my photo as a reference to draw the skeleton and then changed the body shape to match Gyutaro's.

𝑴𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒔 !!

My biggest tip for anyone, but especially beginners is to make guides before you draw any piece! Here is an example of one that I did for an assignment in my Manga Art class in college.

I wanted to do an art style similar to Death Note but I also wanted it to have a retro vibe too. So I made this Art style/Reference guide. I compiled images that represented the art style I was going for and took notes for things that I thought would be important to keep in mind when drawing.

I still do this a lot when drawing, especially if I'm trying out a new art style I'm not very familiar with.

𝑴𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑨𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑭𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒓𝒕

People always ask me how do I draw Gyutaro so accurately. Well, I'm about to tell you how!

I draw him all the time, so lot's of practice. But there is a certain thing I find really helps when trying to accurately draw a character's face.

We'll use Gyutaro as an example

Find a photo of Gyutaro's face that you want to practice with (not fanart, it must be either from the anime or the manga).

Look at the photo closely, and try to draw it as accurately as you can.

Now, on a new canvas, try to draw the same photo of Gyutaro again but without looking at the reference. (Just using your memory) And give yourself a time limit too, no longer than 5 minutes.

Compare your drawing to the photo. How accurate is it? Probably not very accurate yet, but that's ok! Look closely at your drawing and compare it to the original. What is wrong with it? Are the eyes too small? Is the mouth placed too high?

Figure out what is wrong and fix it next time. Repeat these steps until you are able to draw Gyutaro's face accurately without looking at the reference photo.

If you are still struggling after a while try tracing over the original image a few times. This can help you memorize the structure of his face.

It may take a while but eventually you'll get to the point where you are able to draw Gyutaro's face accurately without looking at the reference photo!

This tip works for everything by the way, not just character's faces. I use it for everything! I used to suck at drawing hands, so I did these steps but with a photo of a hand, and now I can draw hands! Use these steps for anything you feel is difficult for you to draw accurately. It's great for learning anatomy.

Here's an example of the final results when I did these steps. The drawing on the right is what I was able to do at the end just from memory.

ﾟ+*:ꔫ:*﹤　𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝓨𝓸𝓾　﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟ

I know I wrote a lot, but I hope these tips helped someone! And if you have any questions about anything I mentioned here, feel free to ask! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

[foxes-that-run]

Keep Driving

I love him so much. My 1 step plan to make anyone love him is watching him perform.

He said of Keep Driving when he first played it at the NY ONO show:

And before the next song, I wanna say thank you to my good friend and collaborator Mitchell Rowland! Say hi daddy! (laughs) I wrote this next song with Mitch and he supports me in every way possible, he literally makes me sound so much better, thank you for being on stage with me and thank you Sarah!

The screen s when he performed it on love on tour were lover/fine line pink & blue.

Keep Driving is a stream of consciousness, snapshot moments of a life, interspersed with asking his love if they should continue, noting they have overcome hard times. The tempo is important, it becomes more disjointed and chaotic when he is distracted and it calms and returns to a happy pace when he communicates with his love, checking in how they are. The question is almost rhetorical, he wants to continue and is reminding himself to not lose the connection with his muse.

Harry and Taylor have sung about communication and being tongue tied a lot, so Keep Driving is important growth. To me, it sounds like the way Harry posts to social media, seemingly random things that hold meaning to him. It could almost be 'should I keep scrolling?' as that also speaks to interaction without communication.

The title is a Haylor theme, @womanexile has a post of the times they refer to driving here, which is many of their pivotal songs.

Lyrics

Black and white film camera Yellow sunglasses Ashtray, swimming pool Hot wax, jump off the roof

The B&W film camera makes me think of polaroids and Taylor's OOTW line "You took a polaroid of us and discovered the rest of the world was in B&W and we were in screaming colour." A line Harry referenced in his IG feed for 2 years from when that song came out, they were seen at the same place on the dates of most colour photos.

Taylor wore yellow sunglasses and a men's shirt in the 22 MV shoot. The 22 MV also has a with a pool and acting up.

Harry refers to hot wax in Hunger "Candles burnt down to the floor / Wearing less than you wore before"

A small concern with how the engine sounds We held darkness in withheld clouds I would ask, "Should we just keep driving?"

Harry can hear their is a concern with the relationships engine, he notes they have overcome troubles before and rather than running he talks to his partner. Huge progress on communication.

This chorus plays an important role in the tempo and meaning of the song, stopping and talking to each other to ask 'should we keep driving' calms the tempo down, when he and his beloved stop talking and get distracted by the other things it gets chaotic. The message is to communicate. He can see a trouble in the relationship, but they overcome difficult times before, by communicating things calm and it continues.

I Know Places: "Something happens when everybody finds out, see the vultures circling dark clouds" also the Me! MV has their phantom/ghost as a cloud. The Late Night Talking MV also has dark storm clouds at 2:37.

Maple syrup, coffee Pancakes for two Hash brown, egg yolk I will always love you

This verse is telling of a private times together, with common breakfast items. Harry has also referred to breakfast in the unreleased Hunger "We would stay in my house for days / Spilling breakfast on pillowcases"

Passports in footwells Kiss her and don't tells Wine glass, puff pass, tea with cyborgs Riot America, science and edibles Life hacks going viral in the bathroom

Harry missed his flight before the NYE kiss because he left his passport in his mum's car.

Kiss her and don’t tells is self explanatory, but speaks to the long period of time Harry was dating Taylor and constantly asked about her in interviews. The point he made audiences laughing because he’d say “I think the thing is with songwriting…”

Cyborgs are in the Ready for it Music Video. In the BTS Taylor also (1:25) calls them this. The BTS videos are messing with H, complete with edging the way she speaks and how sassily she says her and Joe's birth years will be together.

Cocaine, side boob Choke her with a sea view Toothache, bad move Just act normal Moka pot Monday, it's all good Hey, you Should we just keep driving?

So much attention is on the cocaine line here and in daylight. He did have some tiny pupils in late 1D days. To Howard Stern he said "Who ultimately do you want to be at the end of the day?' You don't want to be the guy who died. You don't want to be the guy who's like whacked out on drugs. You want to be the guy who's 70 and playing for three hours because he can, and he wants to, and everyone's loving it, and he's having fun." Gosh I want that for him.

Harry referenced the Seaview in the Adore you video. Taylor and Harry have both referenced sea views, with the Cannes IG posts, the sl*t lyric video and promotion for cruel summer.

There's no sideboob shortage around Mr Styles. OW had some when this song was coming out, but HH was mostly written before before they met. I think this is Taylor at the 2013 People's Choice awards. It was 2 weeks after the boat break up, rumors if there was shading or a hickey, different Red era style. She also had sideboob at the 2013 VMSs when they may have gotten back together.

Taylor chipped a tooth on stage and just acted normal. This happened August 2013 while they dated.

Finally Harry has sung about Coffee three times, always about communication, which is the message of the song: Falling "And the coffee's out / At the Beachwood Café", Music for a Sushi Restaurant "Late night, game time / Coffee on the stove, yeah" and here.

[sofiaispunk]

The Space Cowboy and his Ladybug - CHAPTER 4

Javier Peña x reader

Summary: At Diego's birthday party, amid the clinking of glasses and the laughter, time rewinds over a decade as you lock eyes with a ghost from your past - a chapter you thought was long closed, yet there it stands, breathing and very much alive.

Words: 2,4K

Warnings: angst, trust issues, violence, brief mention of past domestic abuse (mentally and physically), insecurity, references to suicide attempt, smut, TRAUMA

"Hey, Steven. Did you see my silver hoop earings? And hurry up we are running late," you yelled from upstairs while getting ready. You chose a flowy, short floral dress. The dress had a soft pink background with vibrant blue and purple flowers, which complemented your warm skin tone and hair. The sleeves were short and ruffled, adding a playful touch to the outfit. You paired the dress with simple black sandals and a delicate necklace, letting the dress be the centerpiece of your look. Your hair was styled in loose waves that cascaded down your shoulders, framing your face perfectly.

"I'm sorry, but I won't be able to make it," he replied, his voice trailing off.

"Why not? We talked about this. You know how much this means to me," you said while coming down the stairs, trying to keep the disappointment from creeping into your voice.

"I have to finish this report from work. Plus, there's a big game tonight that I don't want to miss it.” he said, his voice flat and disinterested.

"Can't you take a break from work for just a few hours? And the game will be on TV. You can watch it later," you pleaded, hoping to change his mind.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. Maybe some other time, I already promised the boys I will come to the bar" he said, his tone indicating that the conversation was over.

You had been looking forward to introducing Steven to your old friends and having a good time at the party. But now, you felt let down and disappointed all over again. It seemed like he didn't care about your feelings or the things that were important to you.

Overall Steven was a great guy, but he just didn't seem to understand you or what you wanted. You just wanted someone who would be there for you, someone who would put you first and make you feel special. And as much as you liked Steven, you knew that he wasn't that person.

You took a deep breath and tried to compose yourself and walked out of the door without saying another word.

As you arrived at Magda's house for her son's second birthday party, you was greeted by a sea of colorful balloons and streamers. The front yard was transformed into a magical wonderland, with a bouncy castle, a small swimming pool, and a giant slide.Inside, the house was bustling with activity, as family and friends gathered to celebrate the special occasion. The smell of freshly baked cake and cookies filled the air, and you could hear the sound of children's laughter coming from every corner. Magda's son, Diego, was dressed in a cute little sailor suit, and he looked absolutely adorable.

The party was a mix of Mexican and American traditions, with piñatas, balloons, and lots of food.. The kids were running around, chasing each other and playing with toys, while the adults chatted and caught up with one another.

As soon as you entered Magda's backyard, you was greeted by a group of familiar faces. Magda's husband,and also one of your oldest friend, Eduardo, was manning the grill, while a few other family members were playing with the children.

Magda rushed towards you, her arms open wide. "Oh my goodness, you came! You look amazing!" she exclaimed, hugging you tightly.

You smiled, feeling overwhelmed with the warm welcome. "Thank you, Magda. Of course I came, Wouldn’t miss it."

She grabbed your hand and pulled me towards a table filled with food. "Come on, I'll introduce you to everyone."

You walked around, and caught up with old acquaintances and received condolences from those who knew about your father's passing.

Once the birthday cake was brought out, everybody gathered around to sing "Happy Birthday" to Diego. He was completely oblivious to the attention, more interested in the frosting on his fingers.

After the cake, the children ran off to play with each other, and the adults began to mingle. Eduardo offered you a slice of cake, and you started talking about the newest gossip of the town as if no time has passed.

Magda joined you, and she started talking about your childhood memories, laughing at some of the silly things you used to do.

She smiled and began, "Remember that time when we were playing hide-and-seek and Javier climbed up that big tree in the park? He thought he found the perfect spot to hide, but then he accidentally knocked a bird's nest out of the tree. The mama bird was so mad and started swooping down at him, and he had to climb down the tree really fast while dodging the angry bird. We all laughed so hard!" “OMG YES! How could I forget that. Still a better story than the firefly one.” You laughed along.

"Yes we tried to catch the fireflies on Chucho's farm, but we ended up getting scared and ran inside. Can you believe that Eduardo?" She paused to take a sip of her drink before continuing, "Chucho came in a few minutes later and caught us hiding under the covers. He laughed and told us that fireflies are harmless and they were just trying to light up our world."

You and Magda chuckled at the memory, and she continued, "And how about the time we tried to build a treehouse but ended up falling out of the tree?" She shook her head at the thought, "We were so determined to have our own little secret hideout, but we were just a couple of clumsy kids." As you all laughed at the memory, Magda's son, who had been playing with his new toys, wandered over and tugged on her shirt. She picked him up and held him on her hip as she continued, "You know, I always thought you and Javier would end up together. You were always so close, and he always looked at you like you were his whole world."

You felt your cheeks flush at her words, giving her a sad smile, and Magda smiled sympathetically before turning to her son, "But we'll save that story for when you're older."

As soon as Magda put Diego down, he toddled over to where you were sitting and reached up his chubby little arms, asking to be picked up. You obliged, lifting the toddler into your lap.

"Happy birthday, little man!" you said, tickling Diego's tummy.

Diego giggled and squirmed in your arms, his big brown eyes shining with joy. "Thank you!" he said, his words a little slurred.

"Did you get lots of presents?" you asked.

Diego nodded vigorously. "Uh-huh! Mama and Papa got me a new truck!" he said, holding up a toy car in his hand.

"Oh wow, that's so cool!" you said, pretending to examine the truck closely. "I bet you're going to have so much fun playing with that."

Diego grinned at her, his little face alight with happiness. "Wanna play with me, Auntie?"

Your heart swelled with affection at the little boy's words. "Of course, I do!" you said, holding the truck in her hand and pretending to make it drive across the floor. "Vroom vroom!"

Diego giggled again, clapping his hands in delight. "You're silly, Auntie. Can I show you my favourite birthday gift? You can play with it too" Diego asked already excited to show you his new toy. “The truck is not your favorite gift?” you asked with the truck still in your hand. Diego shook his head and ran off to get his favorite new toy. After a minute

Diego returned with a mini children lasso and a cowboy hat. “Uncle Javi gave me this cool hat his morning. Now I am a real cowboy!” the little boy couldn’t contain his excitement and it was effecting you too. “Diego, you look so cool. I bet you would be the best space cowboy in the whole universe.” You giggled along. “Whats a space cowboy?” he asked.

“Well, it’s a cowboy in space that catches bad guys and also bad aliens. Doesn’t it sound cool? ” You smiled at Diego as he looked up at you with wide eyes. "So, you want to be a space cowboy?" you asked. Diego nodded eagerly. "Yeah! It would be so cool to explore the universe and have adventures like they do in the movies or like Uncle Javi in Colombia!"

You chuckled. "I know what you mean, Diego. But being a space cowboy is a little different than that. It's more about being brave, independent, and resourceful, just like a cowboy in the old west."

Diego furrowed his brow. "But what about the space part? Don't they have to fly spaceships and stuff like that?"

You nodded. "Yes, they do. They have to be able to navigate through the galaxy and operate all kinds of alien technology. But at the same time, they also have to be able to handle themselves in dangerous situations and protect those around them."

Diego's eyes widened again. "Wow, being a space cowboy sounds really tough!"

You laughed again. "It can be, but it's also a lot of fun. And who knows, maybe one day you'll be able to explore the universe just like a real space cowboy! So are you up for this great responsibility?"

“YESSSSS! GUYS I AM A SPACE COWBOY!” Diego exclaimed as he run off to his friends. You couldn’t help but smile and bathe a little longer in this warm feeling.

It was getting late and you did not want to overstay your welcome so you got up and said your goodbyes. As you were about to thank Magda for the invitation, you spotted Chucho walking into the backyard. Your heart skipped a beat, and you froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. You considered turning around and leaving before he could notice you, but it was too late; he had already spotted you.

You made your way over to him, your eyes filled with tears. When he saw you, Chucho's face lit up with joy and he immediately opened his arms wide. You threw yourself into his embrace, feeling the warmth of his love and the safety of his arms. All the initial hesitation long forgotten.

For a long time, you just held each other, not saying anything. Finally, you pulled away and looked up at Chucho, your eyes still brimming with tears. Looking up at him with a mixture of relief and still the fear of rejection.

"It's so good to see you," you said, your voice shaking. "I've missed you so much."

Chucho smiled down at you, his eyes soft with emotion and adoration. "I've missed you too, mi hija," he said. "Finally you are home. I’ve been praying everyday for you to come back to me." You felt overwhelmed by his love and care. "I'm so sorry, Chucho. I should have told you I was leaving." Chucho shook his head, his eyes full of understanding. "No, mi hija. You had to do what was best for you. I just wish I could have been there for you, protected you from that man."

You nodded, feeling a sense of relief washing over you. It was like you had been carrying a burden for so long, and finally, you could share it with someone who truly cared.

"I'm proud of you, mi hija," Chucho said, his voice choked with emotion. "You've come so far, and you're so strong."

You felt a lump form in her throat as you looked at him, feeling grateful for his presence in your life. "Thank you. I couldn't have done it without you."

Chucho smiled, his eyes twinkling. "You did it on your own, mi hija. I just provided a little love and guidance along the way." "I wanted to tell you…I got married," you finally said, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness.

His face broke into a wide grin. "Well, congratulations! Who's the lucky guy?"

"His name is Steven. He's a lawyer from Austin," you replied, feeling a bit sheepish.

Chucho's smile faltered slightly. "Austin, huh? Well, I hope he treats you well. You'll have to bring him out to the ranch tomorrow so I can see if he's good enough for you."

You smiled, feeling a sense of relief that he wasn't angry or judgmental about your choice of spouse. "I would love that, Chucho. I think you'll like him."

"Then it's settled. You and Steve come visit us on the farm, and I'll make sure to have a big barbecue ready for you two," he said with a chuckle.

You laughed. "That sounds great, Chucho. Thank you so much."

He smiled. "Siempre, mi hija.”

“Is … eh… Javier going to be there?” you couldn't help but ask, apprehension creeping into your voice.

Chucho looked at you with understanding eyes. “I don’t know, mija. I’m sorry. But you have to talk to him someday, no?”

You nodded, not knowing what to respond.

A wave of anxiety washed over you. It had been 15 years since the fight that ended your friendship, and you had avoided any opportunity to see him again. But now, the possibility of seeing him was looming over you, and you weren’t sure if you were ready to face him. Since arriving to Laredo the memories of him have been haunting you and all the anger and hurt you tried to suppress resurfaced.

But there was this small part of you that longed for the familiarity of your old friendship, longed for him. You couldn't deny that you still loved him, despite all the time that had passed, despite all the heartbreak. Javier had your heart. He always did. Admitting the truth to yourself hurt more than you thought. You already forgave him a long time ago. You had let go of the hurt and anger and had come to terms with the fact that you were both young and foolish back then. But did he ever forgave you for leaving? What if he doesn’t care? Or never did? But even with all these doubts, your love for Javier hasn't faded over the years. It's been burning inside you, just waiting for a chance to be reignited. As you drive back to your house you can’t help but wonder if he still feels the same way about you, or if you are just a distant memory to him.

Part 5

[bylerschmyler]

Stranger Things - Clocks and Watches S1

People who are following me for a while now are certainly aware that I have special interest in Clocks and Watches in Stranger Things.

So recently I finally made a whole ass rewatch dedicated to look more into what the show presents. This was heavily supported by the ongoing analysises by @aemiron-main, @henrysglock and everybody who participates in the detail hunt.

So while I already posted a few "What are the times off this episode" and "Look here this a funny time specific thing" posts I will dedicate this post to patterns rather than specific observations (while the latter will be addressed too. So now worry's).

So are you ready for the ride?

So let me say some stuff about the general basis of these patterns.

These Things aren't production errors. Why am I so certain about it? Well, let me get this right.

The main villain of the show has one very specific artifact that is a fucking grandfathers clock. The same person is shown as manipulating this very clock in order to change the time shown on the clock. We have multiple characters in different situations who are talking about changing time or wrong time. The very introduction to S4 is a letter where one of the main characters talks about how the people within in the show are basically time travelers. We have very deeply rooted parallels to Back to the future - a very famous movie about time travel - since S1. And most importantly, if the show doesn't want us to see the times why are they showing it to us?

It's very specific that each season starts with a date. If you pay attention it is quite easy to make a rather rough timeline off events each season. And clocks and watches a very often shown to us. So if the showrunners didn't want to emphasize the importance of time why are they showing us so many watches and clocks while it's very easy to just not do that? Especially since the very much capable off using techniques to not show the time. I mean every (main) character besides Eleven has a watch. Clocks are multiple times shown as a very focus off a scene. So if they don't want us to pay attention to the time why show it?

Ways of hiding the time to the audience

It is very easy to hide the time from the audience. And the show is very much capable off doing so. I will explain the specifics on the basis off scenes from S1.

Leaving out clocks and watches

The very easiest way off hiding the time is to just not have watches and clocks in the scene. So for characters to not have watches and for inside scenes to not show clocks. Eleven for example doesn't have a watch in the beginning off S1. She is later getting Mike's watch and giving it back towards the end off the season. They basically share the watch equally but for that very reason Mike doesn't have a watch during BOTH quarry scenes and everything happening between E3 and E7. Also have you taken a look at the Wheelers and the Byers house? Have you spotted clocks? Well I almost didn't too. The Wheelers suppusdly only have one clock at the ground floor

While the byers could have a clock in the kitchen too, but I am not sure if that thing is a clock

So the show is not giving us any basis to see the time by clocks in both houses.

It also left out clocks and watches during Steve's pool party.

Both Steve and Nancy usually wear a watch. But both don't have one during/after the pool scene (as if they planned on going swimming). The show left out watches here on purpose to hide the time.

2. Removing the pointers

Regarding the pool scene there is something else which is interesting regarding the lack off time reference. The show sometimes removes or at least hides the pointers off watches to hide the time. What do I mean specifically? Well look at those 2 shots from Jonathans watch during the pool scene:

Notice how Jonathan has a very high contrast watch? It's black with white pointers which is very easy to make out even in dark scenes. And than we see Jonathans watch (more than half of it) in a quite close up scene. And his pointers are nowhere to be seen.

3. Moving the clock away from the audience

It's very easy to hide the time by characters turning their watch away from the camera or hide behind an object or under their clothes.

Lucas turning the watch towards us vs away from us.

4. Using digital watches

another easy way to hide the time is to use digital watches. Because (especially considering the 80s) digital watches are hard to read from most angles. And because most off the times the watches are not shown to us up close we can't read. Even if you normally could read it you can just turn off the watch and nobody will notice because the audience will just think that your looking at it in the wrong angle.

In S1 4 main characters have digital watches

Mike

Dustin

Will

Hopper

Best example for this is Will in S1

If Will's watch would have been analog we would know the time 100% but because it's a digital watch we can't make out a time.

Here is another example brought to you by Scott Clarke

While yes he said what time it is. But we can't confirm if his watch has the same time.

So now that we have established that the following scenes are neither production error nor coincidence let's look at the patterns I noticed in my rewatch.

Lucas the "reliable" time telling source

I wanna start with Lucas. As I pointed out before Lucas has a very high contrast watch. It's black with white pointers and therefore very easy to see even in dark scenes. I could make a whole post about what times he tells us but that's not useful I guess. I rather wanna point out that in most scenes he is giving us a time. I'm using a time and not the time because I very much think that Lucas watch is not working correctly.

This is one of the very rare occasions where we see two clocks/watches in one scene. And Surprise, surprise they are not showing the same time. The wall clock is 9:10 AM while Lucas watch is more like 7:50 or so.

Here are just a few occasions where Lucas watch tell us a time. Lucas watch is very often in the frame and tell us the time. But I don't think the time he gives us is very reliable it's correctness.

Jonathan the unreliable time source

Jonathan - like Lucas - has a very readable high contrast watch. But he hides it from us constantly. Beside the pointer removal thing (which I think happened in S4 too) he often hides his watch from us.

And here his pointers are removed again.

Mike and El sharing a watch

Mike give his watch to EL at the beginning of E3 (10 min in). She gives it back in E7 when she goes in to the bath (~11 min left). So she basically wears it for 4.5 Episodes (So Mike wears it for 2.5 episodes).

While both characters are very important to the plot and the exchange of the watch is both time very prominent to the audience we are never shown a time on Mike's watch. It is always (as far as I can tell) unreadable.

Characters not showing the time

As far as I can tell there are only 6 characters who's watches don't tell us the time.

Mike

El

Will

Hopper

Karen

Ted

Possibly there are more small characters which I didn't count in here because they are not important enough for me here or I didn't pay attention to them.

Timiline shenanigans

Remember that one scene from my Lucas part above where his watch doesn't add up with clock on the wall?

Here you have a similar situation. Earls watch shows us something 11:40 while the clock on the wall says 6:00 or 12:30

I also talked about other timeline shenanigans like this in those posts:

Going back in time during Shepard scene

Jonathans watch and Nancy's alarm clock

But there is more.

The Library clock shows different times when Joyce goes to Melvald's

Nancy's alarm clock seems stuck at 9:00 o'clock

(The second pic is from the morning after they have the encounter with the demogorgon when Karen lockpicked Nancy's door.

Lucas watch seems stuck at 7:10 during E1 and E2.

I think that's all I have noticed in S1. I could post more pics where you can see the times so if you want to find things for yourself just give me a hint and I will post my screenshots.

[cedarbranch]

OMG... tell your beloved fans about haunt me PLEASEEE + also "show me how you do that trick" + one dealer's choice :-D

WARGHH thank u <333

in response to the wip meme... putting this under a cut bc it got long lol

haunt me is my monstrosity of a stranger things wip, sitting around 90k and MAYBE 65% complete. if i'm lucky. it's fucking Long. the basic premise is that eddie dies and then steve starts dreaming about him and eventually comes to realize he is NOT dead, but in fact alive in the upside down and somehow psychically linked to steve... i won't get too deep into spoilers but it's kind of a kas!eddie fic but with a twist that's it's less kas and more similar to the pacific rim fic designations congruent with things (<= sentences that mean anything only to the most Niche Possible Audience). anyway the more complicated premise is steve's savior complex and how every single issue in his life connects back to it

show me how you do that trick is the sequel to my hellcheer fic, push the limit! (which. is fucking crazyy to me that that's the only stranger things fic actually posted on my ao3 given how much time i've spent working on haunt me 😭😭) anyway. it's as horny as the first in the series but with more feelings and plot. it's from eddie's pov and includes some actual proper kink negotiation and apologies following the insanity of the og fic, and also some RLY CUTE FLIRTING!!! a snippet for thee:

“I don’t like… weird dirty talk?” Chrissy says, wrinkling her nose. “Like, the stuff they say in bad pornos.” Eddie sighs in feigned exasperation. “God, it’s like pulling teeth here. Specifics, woman, I need specifics!”  “I don’t know! Like,” Chrissy opens her mouth, then closes it again, flushing brilliantly. “No. I’m sorry, I can’t, I can’t say any of it. I just—I don’t like the word ‘pussy,’ or ‘cunt,’ or anything like that, just—” She flaps her hands in the direction of her crotch—”Just don’t directly refer to it while we’re in the act? Like, if you’re having sex, it should speak for itself!”  Eddie grins at her.  “What?” she demands, all frustrated but laughing with her eyes.  “I love that you have porn opinions,” he says fondly. “You asked!”

for dealer's choice... oooh this is tough... but i think i'll go with 5 + 1, the full title of which will one day be "5 times steve tried to teach eddie how to swim and one time it worked" or something of the like. this fic was born out of me a) wanting to write something with intense hot-summer-day energy, b) being really interested in water/swimming as the focal point of Multiple Traumatic Incidents in steve's life as of s4, and c) can you fucking imagine if part of the reason eddie was last to jump from the boat in lover's lake was that he couldn't swim. and then he DID IT ANYWAY. but yeah second snippet:

Eddie is, in fact, wearing boxer briefs, and nothing else. Seeing so much of his skin never gets less startling, no matter how many times Steve’s splashed around with him in the lake. He always forgets that Eddie’s shoulders aren’t as broad as the vest normally makes them look. He’s pale as a goddamn sheet, too, except for the pink-red scars that pockmark his stomach and chest.  Eddie catches him looking. “Might not even be worth it to teach me to swim,” he says wryly. “Don’t think I can ever set foot at a public pool again with these bad boys.” “We could just go together,” says Steve. “Then we’d match.”  His own wounds have healed up better than Eddie’s. The demobats tore him up pretty good, but the bites were shallow; as months passed by, they’ve smoothed over into pale, warped ripples of scar tissue. Without thinking about it, Steve touches one close to his hip. As if in a mirror, Eddie does the same, his fingertips brushing over his stomach.  His boxers have little skulls on them.

your honor i fucKGIGN LOVE THEMMM!!! IDIOTS!!!!

[darringdosie]

Hello!! If your requests are open, may I request Ben Drowned with a reader who tries to help Ben overcome his fear of water?

Either by Ben sitting on their shoulders in the pool, or by helping him bathe? Something similar to those ideas if you can!

YESSS finally I request! I’ll try my best since I haven’t wrote Ben in a while! I’m also sorry if I replied late, I was busy with school!

Overcoming fears

Character selection: ben drowned

Gender reader: All gender <often referred as they/you/Reader>

Warnings: no

Type of Oneshot: Fluff

__________________________________

• if you two are planning to go to the pool nearby your house, he wouldn’t budge.

• that’s why Reader had a great idea.

• that’s when they showed up to Bens room in a swim suit.

• he did ask why, and began to whine when you asked if he wanted to go to the pool with you.

• you did bribe him with buying a new videogame if he did go.

• He did accept the deal fortunately

• the real problem starts when you end up getting there

• he would ask if he wanted to sit nearby and your mood would start to become down.

• Ben did noitces your expression

• regardless, he did come inside the pool, with he expection of holding you very tightly on the shoulders, making you go sore.

• Sure he was heavy but ay, it was something at least.

• now to take regular showers.

• Ben wouldn’t take a shower for days and not care about how he smelt.

• You soon get annoyed and tell him to go shower, of course he would refuse.

• you sigh and said that you were going to help him shower.

• he would yell, calling you a pervert for looking at his naked body, as any 12 year old boy would do.

• Eventually he would budge and let you inside the shower. You told him to breath once you turned on the water.

• ben kept hugging you to keep himself safe from the water as you help him shower him.

• you even helped him dry himself. I find that very very Cute. Of course, it’s 12 year old Ben we are talking, not some adult demon that is a literal pervert even though his original age is twelve…

• you kept doing this with every single time you need to help him overcomes his fears. You love ben anyway.

<Don’t repost anywhere else>

[unboundwanderers]

THE TARDIS HEADCANONS. STORED UNDER THE READ MORE.

The TARDIS as she appeared throughout each incarnation. This Post acts as a reference point to show off every design used by the respective DOCTOR, including Police Box and Console Room design. Stored under the read more to not clutter dash.

All TARDIS MODELS and CONSOLE ROOM MODELS belong to their owners and were sourced and displayed using Garry's Mod addons.

To the mutuals, I tag in this post. I may reference some of what we've plotted on Discord. Please let me know if you want me to remove the headcanons that reference your muse.

THE SCARF DOCTOR'S TARDIS

The Scarf Doctor's tardis is based on the model used and debuted in the Season 10 episode "The Three Doctors". In this timeline, The Scarf Doctor has an expansive labyrinth connected to the console room. He will maintain this Console room for a long time. Its most notable rooms belong to its Companions, who visited frequently and who The Doctor had to entertain for long periods of time.

@primewitch-- During her stay in The TARDIS, she requested a recreation of her home in Mondstadt. Lisa's abode was very complex to a spell she used that allowed her to make her room two stories high, and virtually- it was bigger on the inside. However, this was not difficult to replicate- as The TARDIS is an infinitely generating space- meaning The TARDIS was able to accurately recreate the room precisely as she left it.

@lunaetis' Dehya, on the other hand- was given a custom room based on randomly generated keywords, while THE TARDIS also scanned Dehya's culture and memories of home. Her room is entirely unique, but unlike Lisa's- it wasn't a whole house. It was a singular bedroom. A large one, but a bedroom nonetheless.

@kemikorosu's Lumine had the smallest room out of all of them. Not for any particular reason, but mainly because she only spent a month or two with Scarf before The Time War started. By the time it broke out, she would barely be able to sleep aboard The TARDIS, so its size was only as small as it was for the sake of conserving power.

THE WAR DOCTOR'S TARDIS.

The War Doctor's TARDIS reorganized itself into a battleship. Characteristics that were present in this TARDIS would carry over to The Looney Doctor's tardis, but it was mainly a transitional unit. The Console used is the most organic and easily modifiable version- meaning The WAR Doctor could more easily make adjustments to it at any time needed.

The WAR DOCTOR had no additional rooms during his tenure as The Doctor. He needed all the additional power for shields and speed, as well as temporal transistor units used to breach Dalek Shields. Communication systems and anti-hook devices were boosted due to a lack of architecture or generated rooms, and the boosted power stopped The TARDIS from being.

@kemikorosu's Lumine shared the same room as @lunaetis's Lumine, and when the two were briefly brought together during The Middle of The Time War and were allowed to travel with The War Doctor simultaneously, they simply slept in the same room.

THE GOTH DOCTOR'S TARDIS

The Goth Doctor's TARDIS is arguably the biggest console room. Littered with blackboards, bookshelves, and desks with different unfinished inventions- This TARDIS actually stands on a platform. Underneath the main console floor, descending the staircase- allowed for Companions and Passengers to deposit items in storage bays, as well as allowed The Doctor to directly access the Tardis Console Internals- the guts of the ship.

With the LAST GREAT TIME WAR over and done with, the TARDIS could finally start generating rooms again. Expansive corridors lead to libraries, a swimming pool, expansive Victorian-style bedrooms, and closets. This TARDIS also had a ship's galley, which was an expansive area with an alcohol bar, a stocked fridge, and radio players and TVs.

The Exterior of The TARDIS was the only thing carried over from The WAR DOCTOR and presented itself as a polished and cleaned-up version of it. The lettering, the door sign, and the windows are all illuminated, glowing a snow-white bright. The Lantern, when dematerializing, flashed a pale gold.

THE LOONEY DOCTOR'S TARDIS.

THE LOONEY DOCTOR'S TARDIS WOULD HAVE SIGNIFICANT LIGHTING CHANGES THROUGHOUT ITS COURSE OF USE. @lunaetis's Eula's first few months aboard The TARDIS would be represented in a faded, cooler color- and a darker interior. Sooner, The Console room would change into a brighter, evened-out tone. It would remain this way until Eula died but would become as bright as The gif pictured above when @gunnhildred's Jean started traveling with The Doctor. It would become the brightest it ever had while The Doctor traveled with the Acting Grandmaster. It would remain as bright as the final linked gif, the lighting used while @vonerde's Gaia traveled aboard. The look the Console room had when Gaia traveled with Looney would be the last it'd look prior to The Doctor's regeneration.

By no means did the TARDIS hate @vonerde. If anything, she ADORED Gaia, but she was always frustrated at Gaia's tracks she'd leave in. So much so that The TARDIS would PURPOSELY and sometimes SUBTLY reorganize Gaia's Garden, throwing off its placement and causing the Goddess minor confusion. The TARDIS made it abundantly clear that this was because of the mud tracks and leaves she left aboard when she dropped garbage bags full of Gaia's leaves on her, however. The TARDIS would usually lighten up her teasing of Gaia when the Passenger painted her exterior.

THE PINK DOCTOR'S TARDIS.

There's not much to say about Pink's TARDIS other than that it is meticulously organized. The most intriguing room it had was the one The TARDIS made for @maquiscursed's Kazuha when the Ronin joined the crew. For Kazuha, The TARDIS actually produced a room that was exclusively a simulated version of The Crux, with the sounds of the waves and the smell of the wind as authentically recreated as possible. It also had zero room energy to help with meditation.

THE TARDIS did not dislike @lunaetis's Hu Tao, but it found her off-putting, and as such- did not IMMEDIATELY generate Hu Tao a bedroom when she began traveling with The Doctor. It only generated her one when Hu Tao began complimenting The TARDIS and giving the console head pats at the behest of Pink, who advised that maybe the TARDIS needed physical reassurance once in a while.

The TARDIS would give @kemikorosu's Lumine a proper bedroom when she began traveling with The Pink Doctor once again. Her room was an authentic recreation of the home she lived in when she returned to Teyvat after the war, scattered with mementos of her travels and of her experiences across the universe.