#also can’t sleep and am generally Doing Pretty Bad so. sorry for this

[dansemacabre]

OKAY FINE i think its insane that many of the younger dsmp creators who were, quick reminder, at the most sixteen calendar years old when the crazy shit started, are not only still in the general content creation sphere but are still being held to talking about the semi-traumatic definitely-mindfuck-y events that happened in the past three to four years. and they’re not just being held to it they’re being subtly encouraged to talk about it. obviously no one’s holding a gun to their head and if they’re making peace through that vulnerability all the more power to them. but also. like it’s not a strange weird occurrence that the biggest tommyinnit clip from this year was probably the part of the episode where they shat on dream. when all the wilbur shit came out people were being fucking Weird about people like tommy (SPECIFICALLY TOMMY.) not immediately publicly responding. and that’s not even mentioning the mere sentence “i saw the bed where technoblade died and it made me worried about dying too” which is such a fucking guy punch of a sentiment to put into the public sphere i will be unwell* about it forever. it feels fucked up and i can’t really articulate exactly why because we all seem pretty chill and fine about it but it just does. i feel like im watching a horror movie and the protagonist has no choice but to keep walking into the fucked up scary house and the shadowy crowd in the theater watching the movie is like yyyesssss go into that house and i’m like NO! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! but by watching the movie even if it’s just checking in every month or so im keeping them in the house???? does that make any sense?????

tl;dr i feel really really awful for every mcyt who was a minor in 2021/2022 and i think they should each be able to kill one dude. like they should all get one

*BUT ALSO i hope none of this comes across as “ouiououuh the litrle blorbo is sad” i am genuinely truthfully made physically ill by thinking abt specific situations like losing techno. i lost a family member during covid and cant begin to imagine grieving them while in the public eye. like i feel really really really fucking awful for these kids. i don’t want this to seem patronizing or belittling in any way and if im out of line please call me on it. thumbs up emoji

holding myself back every day from posting a crazy (not negative, just insane) take about cc tommyinnit like no….. that life is long behind me…….. i can’t possibly return to it….. unless…….

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

Princess | Intro/ Part 01

There's more to it than what meets the eye.

Tags/Warnings: Wolfdog Hybrid!Jungkook, Showdog Hybrid!Reader, Enemies to lovers, Angst, Fluff?, Brat!Reader, Jungkook has major brat tamer energy, reader has some issues, mentions of depression

Length: 6.5k Words

-> Masterlist

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Jungkook hates loosing.

And that’s especially true when it comes to bets- because he also can’t really pass up any opportunity to show off and be the best at something. So when he took on the bet with Jimin, he didn’t think anything of it- after all, even if he lost, he could still simply teach that so-called ‘puppy’ Jimin was supposed to be working with a killer choreo and make his way on top either way.

What Jimin failed to tell him, however, was that you are an absolute menace.

Not only are you spoiled to high heavens and dressed head to toe in pretty designer pieces designed and tailored just for you, no- your attitude is making him want to throw himself into a busy road to be run over by any moving vehicle willing to do so. It’s been not even thirty minutes he’s spent in the meeting room, and he already regrets his big mouth with Jimin.

But maybe it’s just a bad first impression. Maybe, you’re just having a bad day.

“So, basically, we’ve got four weeks to make it work.” Your manager says, having finished his plan as he stands at the end of the table everyone is sitting at, you included- though you clearly do not listen to the conversations happening at all, instead occupied with a game on your switch console, decorated in plastic gemstones and cute stickers, sound not even all the way down as to not interrupt anyone.

Jungkook feels his blood boiling. Can’t you at least attempt to listen? After all, it’s your career that’s on the line.

“I’ll need the possible song choices she made, and I also gotta get a copy of the guidelines and what the judges generally look for. Doesn’t have to be today, but I’d like to have it before we start making anything up.” Jungkook offers, arms crossed. You’ve not even looked at him once today.

If he just went by looks, you’d actually be quite cute- you're clearly taking good care of yourself, and you fall right into the category of hybrid girl he’d see himself interested in- but your character seems to be the exact opposite, as you stare down at the small screen in your hands, lashes long, hiding your gaze a little from him.

“We can totally do that.” Your manager says. “I- uhm.. Are you okay with that too?” He asks towards you, and you simply take in a deep breath before you sigh, shoulders shrugging and head somewhat nodding. Your eyes however never break away from your game, instead, you just adjust your seating postition a little before you become completely detached from the situation again. “I’m sorry about that. She’s.. Having a bad day.” Your manager justifies.

Jungkook smells the lie right away.

“Practice will start at 7 AM then-” Jungkook starts, and that seems to catch your attention as your face turns into a frown. “-And we’ll practice the whole week, except weekends.”

“That’s too early.” You mumble, grumbling down at your game while your legs stretch out under the table, feet brushing against his shins. You’re not wearing shoes, only your knee-high socks, having discarded the slip on’s early on for no apparent reason other than comfort.

“She usually sleeps until.. 11 so..” Your manager starts, and Jungkook has to swallow a growl.

“8.” He says sternly, staring at you who scoffs down at your hands. “She’ll have to get up earlier then.” He decides, making you lift your chin a little, before you save your game, turn off the console and put it on the table, your arms now crossed as well as you finally, for the first time, look at him.

The fire in your eyes could seriously burn someone if it was to be manifested into a real flame, he decides.

“You’ll have to wait until I show up then.” You answer him, and his eyes narrow, feeling challenged. But before he can respond, your manager seems to sense the growing tension between you two, as he dissolves the meeting quickly to have you driven back home.

Jungkook however, can’t let go this easily.

“You forgot to tell me that she’s an absolute bitch.” Jungkook growls into his phone, sitting on his couch with the TV on but on mute. “There’s no way I’ll be working with her for four weeks without committing a crime.” He threatens, and Jimin has the audacity to laugh.

“Oh Jungkookie, don’t let her fool you!” He laughs. “She’s a literal angel, believe me. She just acts all tough.”

“Or she was just interested in you.” Jungkook denies. “I’ve spent barely an hour with her and I already know She’s gonna be a handful to manage.” He sighs.

“Come on now, she’s what? Half your size?” Jimin playfully exaggerates. “Just put her in timeout, big guy, and you’ll be fine.” He jokes, very much aware of Jungkook’s rather dominant nature due to his wolfblood. And while the joke is funny, it’s also a problem.

Jungkook doesn’t know if he can really stay calm while working with you. And his career could be over in a second if he so much as lashes out at you verbally- because no way would someone work with a hybrid choreograph or dancer who can’t keep his cool. He already has issues getting some gigs due to his wolfblood mixed in- one mistake and he can surely put his career to rest.

He really regrets taking on this bet now.

Hopefully this won’t end too badly.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

You really do not turn up at 8 like he told you to.

He’s impatiently waiting in the practice room, your manager and stylist and other staff already present- everyone trying to get a hold of you with no luck at all. It’s only until an hour later that another staff member informs everyone that you’ve finally woken up, and that you’re currently on your way to the practice room.

Jungkook is pissed, to say the least.

If you work like this the entire four weeks, there’s no way he can manage to push a good choreography into your head that you can pull off properly on stage. And if you fail, it’ll be on him- and he just can’t accept that. Hopefully, you’ll warm up to the idea of actually putting effort into this.

Hopefully.

When you finally turn up, you don’t appear to be sorry at all- still somewhat asleep and in no way ready to start practicing anytime soon. Instead, you sit down and take out your breakfast to eat, while your stylist runs a brush through your hair. But what’s odd about this, is more or less that Jungkook can sense a total shift in energy right now.

It’s like they’re shielding you, giving him no access to you until they deem the timing alright.

And you just robotically eat your little breakfast, while everyone else scatters around you, rushing from spot to spot. Jungkook isn’t too sure what exactly might be happening- but then again, it’s also not unusual to see such a scene. You’re a showhybrid after all- meant to look pretty at all times and in every living moment just in case there’s a camera around. And he knows that the practice is going to be filmed occasionally for some behind the scenes content for your fanbase- which is why you have your stylist around in the first place. You’re just supposed to look like you’re not wearing any makeup at all.

No one wants to see reality, because reality is what everyone can witness if they look in the mirror. And that’s boring. That’s not entertaining. That’s not something to be jealous of, or something to admire.

In a way, Jungkook starts to feel a bit sorry for you. Do you ever have a moment for yourself?

Either way, the moment the cameras start running, you switch character almost instantly. Suddenly you’re polite, soft spoken and determined to get every step right- though your true nature does poke it’s head through on occasion, especially when you can’t get something quite right the first or second try.

“Maybe we need to work on how to keep to the beat first.” Jungkook suggests, and at that, you seem to break, sighing with an agitated groan as your tail unravels, falling limp behind you. He’s not seen this happen often- his best friend Yoongi being a dog-hybrid with a curled tail as well, who can be quite grumpy most of the time. But even he never has his tail this.. Lifeless.

It’s unnerving to see.

“I’m not lobotomized, mutt.” You groan, making the manager motion to cut the cameras for a second. “I can keep to a beat, you’re just shit at teaching.” You growl to yourself, sitting down stubbornly as you visibly try and mask the fact that you’re out of breath.

Truth be told, Jungkook isn’t technically a choreographer. He usually works with professional dancers or simply follows whatever he’s given by an artist themselves- so yes, he might actually be a little rusty when it comes to teaching others.

Do you have to be so rude about it though? No.

“Well we’re going around in circles like this.” Jungkook shakes his head. “I’ll get us something to drink. Try and calm down a bit..” He attempts to soothe your temper, as he leaves the practice room- mostly so that he himself can escape the situation for a moment.

He’s not sure what it is. Maybe your scent full of anger and fear filling the space so much that it feels like it’s drowning him in the room, or the fact that you always have to be so rude-

Wait.

Fear?

Alarmed by that, Jungkook walks a bit faster with the water bottles in hand to get back into the room- just to find you not there anymore, everyone looking at him as if they’re surprised to see him back already. “Where is she?” Jungkook asks, and your manager blinks a little, caught off guard.

“She went to get something to drink.” He states, making Jungkook frown.

“I said I’m gonna get us some. Why did she go by herself?” Jungkook asks. “She doesn’t even know where the vending machines are.”

“She said you were taking too long.” A stylist mentions. Jungkook pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I was gone for not even five minutes?” He growls to himself, before he hears you enter the room again, a small juicebox in hand that you punch the tiny straw into. “Don’t just run off.” He scolds you.

You roll your eyes.

“Yeah alright, Daddy.” You scoff, walking past him to sit in a corner- actually facing it for some reason, your back turned towards everyone else.

“Ah, don’t be alarmed.” Your manager explains. “She.. Sometimes does this. We don’t know either why, and we don’t really question it either. Give her a few minutes and she’ll be right back to practice.” He beams at him, and Jungkook feels weirdly played.

Something’s odd here.

But it’s also none of his business.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

The next day, you’re not there on time again.

And despite the fact that Jungkook had told you no food in the practice room was allowed, you clearly disregarded that as nothing but background noise, while you take out your bag of foods in the middle of the large room.

“I said no food in the practice room.” Jungkook scolds, walking towards you to stand right in front of you, arms crossed. “and you’re also late again. Two hours to be exact.”

“You said no food.” You shrug, lifting up the small bag of puffed rice crisps. “That’s snacks.” You respond, making him narrow his eyes and clench his jaw.

“put it to the side.” He says. “You’re here to practice, not to eat.” He reminds you, able to talk freely with almost none of your staff around today.

“can’t practice on an empty stomach.” You respond however, letting yourself fall into your bag, before you take out your phone to scroll on it while you eat your snacks- crumbs already littering the floor. “Why’s your wifi so shit in here?” You mumble to yourself, when suddenly, the signal stops entirely. “Hey, your internet cut off-“ you start, before you spot him putting his phone down. “Turn it back on-“

“Since you’re acting like a brat, I’ll treat you like one.” He simply says. “wifi stays off until you practiced.” He scolds, boldly taking both your snacks and your phone from you to put it on a table close by, the act alone catching you so off guard that it has you frozen in place while you process it. “Do you want to get up yourself or do I need to help you with that as well?” He asks, and you glare at him.

“Touch me and I’ll sue you.” You threaten, and he watches you for a moment as if to see if you’re serious- before he decides you’re clearly not, with the way your tail slightly twitches, clearly needing to be consciously held down by yourself to not wag.

“Alright that’s it.” He simply tells you before he walks towards you, and much to his dismay, you let yourself fall limply down onto the ground as if you’re trying to become liquid. “You’re being ridiculous right now-“

“let me have the wifi again!” You just huff. “and my snacks. I’m hungry.” You argue.

“get up earlier tomorrow and have breakfast then.” He shakes his head, before he grabs your wrists to lift you into a sitting position. But the moment he lets go, you’ve flopped back down again, lips twitching.

Now your tail is wagging, clearly.

“so that’s what you’re after, huh?” Jungkook clicks his tongue. “too bad. I’m not playing your game.” He says, before he walks to the side where all his stuff is, changing his shoes.

“wait- What’re you doing?” You ask, watching him tie his sneakers.

“going home.” He answers without looking. “were clearly not getting anywhere.”

You sigh, groaning out lout before you angrily hit the floor-

Getting up to walk towards him, pulling his jacket from his hands before you let it fall onto the table. “I wanna practice.” You pout.

“What a bummer, princess.” He answers, taking his jacket back to slip it on. “I don’t. Now get your stuff, and then-“ He tells you, walking closer before he points to the door behind you. “-get out.” He demands.

And you just angrily huff at yourself, doing just that.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

You fail to get to practice on time again the day after.

And the day after that.

But on friday, Jungkook has finally had enough of your poor excuses and frankly stupid behavior.

"Why is she late this time?" Jungkook asks your staff, jaw clenched as he's already frustrated again. You're clearly not taking this seriously, and he honestly doesn't know how anyone else has ever managed to work with you in any way.

"We're.. not sure." Your manager says, face showing his own shame about your behavior. "She turned her phone off, we can't reach her."

That's it.

Jungkook can understand a lot of things. You're used to being spoiled and having everything set in front of you on a silver platter- he gets that. Sometimes, people's minds can be poisoned by wealth and success. But turning off your phone? That's too far.

What if something actually happened? What if you're sick, in need of help, in danger? This is absolutely ridiculous behaviour, and he does not care anymore. "She said she lives in the city here, right?" Jungkook asks, and the manager nods. "Alright, where exactly?" He wonders, and a stylist of yours calls out your address.

And that sets him off even further- because you barely live ten minutes away from him. Which means there's not even a single reason as to why you would be late at all.

"What are you going to do?" Your manager worries as Jungkook changes his shoes and slips on his jacket, grabbing the keys to his motorcycle.

"I'm getting her myself."

If there’s one thing Jungkook hates, then it’s people isolating themselves just for their own convenience. It’s mainly due to his best friend years back doing that constantly- turning off his phone to get some quiet time for himself, until he actually did end up being in trouble.

And when someone tried to call him, and couldn’t get a hold of him, they just thought ‘It’s probably one of those days again.’

If Jungkook didn’t go against his better judgement, if he didn’t end up checking up on him despite his mind telling him that it was for nothing, Yoongi would not be alive today.

He rings your doorbell multiple times, annoyingly so to get you to stand up at some point. There’s no way you can sleep through that, especially when he starts angrily knocking onto your door. Suddenly, you open it, staring at him with eyes barely open. “What.” You ask, and Jungkook takes a look at you for a second.

You’ve clearly been asleep, but you don’t look rested at all- eyes barely open as you glare at him, and funnily enough, one of your ears is even a bit floppy- not quite entirely down, but also no standing as straight as it usually does. “You’re late.” Jungkook scolds. You attempt to close the door again, making him attempt something dangerous.

He puts his hand in between the door.

But, maybe Jimin wasn’t so wrong after all, because you immediately open the door again, now wide awake as you look at his hand, worried you might’ve hurt him. Only when you don’t find anything you push his palm back towards him, and cross you arms.

“Come on.” He says, nodding towards the hallway behind him.

“No.” You deny.

“What do you mean, no?’ he asks, agitated.

“I said no. I don’t wanna.” You answer, walking back into your apartment- and with your door left open, he takes it as an invitation to walk inside.

The second he closes the door and turns around, he’s in shock.

Cardboard boxes, trash bags, crumpled papers and wrappings all over the place. Shoes litter the entrance area, your coats are thrown over the chairs at your open kitchen which sink is filled with unwashed dishes. The windows are shut, curtains heavy as they hide the mess in your home from the outside world. It’s so dark that Jungkook feels like if he wasn’t a hybrid, he most likely wouldn’t be able to see where he’s stepping at all.

How long have you been living like this?

The apartment isn’t big, there doesn’t seem to be many rooms at all. After searching for a bit he finds you curled up in your large bed, pink bedsheets and blankets halfway on the floor while your little gaming console chimes and beeps while you play.

“..come on now, you’ve.. got the weekend off.” Jungkook says. “it’s just today-“

“I said I don’t want to.” You growl, face focused on your game. “now fuck off and leave me.”

Jungkook sighs. This really isn’t any of his business.

But somehow, as he walks back into the main area of the small apartment, he finds himself opening a new trashbag to throw away all the plastic strewn around. He puts your shoes in order, places the garbage bags in a corner to have them out the way, before he rips the cardboard apart to throw away easier later. He’s not sure why he’s doing that- maybe partially to annoy you and get you to get out of bed, or maybe because he pities you.

This isn’t just laziness. From the way you act, to the body language you scream out quietly, to the fact that you don’t seem motivated for anything at all.

This is something deeper.

“What’re you doing?” You growl from a corner, before you walk closer to rip the cardboard box from his hands, throwing it in a corner again. “I told you to fuck off.” You threaten, and he nods.

“heard it loud and clear.” He agrees with crossed arms, and you huff.

“Ears seem to be working then.” You snap. “the mistake must be in your brain.”

“I can assure you it’s working just fine as well.” He answers, and you snarl at that, distinctive canines showing.

“Then why are you still here digging through my shit?!” You bark at him, and he shrugs.

“Because no one deserves to rot away like this.”

It’s quiet at that, for a good moment. The only sound heard is the clock in the kitchen ticking, some faint rain against the windows, and a garbage bag slowly slipping a little from its position. And when it falls to the floor, he catches a short second of your eyes tearing up, before you turn around, looking away from him before you run off into your bedroom-

But the door won’t close with all the clutter, making you angrily growl at it while you try and somewhat pull it close.

Jungkook slowly walks towards you, to pull your hands off of the door handle, making you drop down to the floor in defeat, sitting right on your clothes that are laying on the floor. “leave me alone.” You cry to yourself, head low and hybrid ears even lower as you sit there, kicking away some of the clutter.

The wolfdog hybrid slowly squats down to your level, before he carefully moves a broken jar away from your leg and onto a small table close by. “What’s going on with you?” He finally asks, and you kick your leg again at that, a small box flying through the room.

“I just want to be alone!” You bark. “I don’t want anyone in here, I don’t want to go to practice, I don’t want to do this stupid contest, I don’t want anyone to look at me!” You complain loudly, and Jungkook would easily call this a textbook temper tantrum, if it wasn’t for your clearly desperate tears.

“did you tell your management?” He asks, and you scoff, sniffling.

“as if they care!” You huff. “it’s always just do this, do that, go here, eat that, smile, be nice, film everything.!” You tell him. “I want to go home!” You begin to cry now, hiding your face in your hands.

“Home?” Jungkook wonders, unsure what you mean. Isn’t this your home?

“I just wanna go home..” you continue to cry into your hands. “I wanna go see mom, and dad..” you mumble muffled into your palms, and Jungkook feels terrible seeing you like this. He doesn’t know you, but something is clearly not right. This isn’t acting, because your body language, your scent- everything tells him that you’re in genuine distress.

“Maybe you can visit them?” He wonders, slowly reaching out to put his hand on your knee, offering silent comfort that you, for now, seem to accept. “do they live far away-“

“they won’t let me.” You say. “they told them.. they told them I don’t wanna see them and that I hate them, and now they hate me.” You whimper.

“They?” the wolfdog asks, pushing some clutter to the side to sit down as well.

“the company.” You mumble. “because.. my dad didn’t want me to move away back when.. when I was still a pup.” You say. A pup possibly meaning that you were still underage. “and.. back then, I thought it was for the best. This was such a one-in-a-million chance..” you reveal to him. “I thought it was worth it.”

“Do they threaten you?” Jungkook worries, and you’re quiet for a moment.

“..They’re all I have.” You admit. “my.. my apartment. My money. My name. They own me.” You say, defeat evident in your voice as you slowly calm down again, tension leaving your body. “just.. leave me alone.”

“I cant.” Jungkook denies with a sigh. “not anymore.”

“fuck off-“ you start, grabbing at his hand, but he somehow moves it around, holding yours now instead.

“I won’t.” He sternly says. “Alright? I don’t know how, but I’ll figure something out.” He promises, and you look up at him with slightly red eyes, confused.

“Figure out what?” You ask, and he smiles.

“How to bring you home.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

You’re very clearly not very happy about Jungkook currently cleaning your apartment with you.

You’re slow and sluggish, and you constantly complain about everything- and Jungkook can somewhat understand it. You’ve quite literally buried yourself in this little cave, having someone take it apart like this must be horribly uncomfortable. But it’s for the best- and you’ll soon realize that.

That doesn’t mean you don’t annoy him, still.

“Come on now, get up.” Jungkook scolds you, as he watches you sit on the couch.

“What?” You complain. “I’m cleaning.. under the coffee table.” You pretend, but he doesn’t take that as an appropriate answer.

“We agreed on one area at a time. We’re still in the kitchen.” He says. “now get over here and help me with the dishes. I wash, you dry.” He decides, making you somewhat reluctantly get up. It’s odd to have anyone in your apartment at all, since not even staff is allowed inside- you constantly find and make up excuses to keep them out at all times. This is your only safe space, after all.

The only place no one is looking at you.

“yesterday..” jungkook slowly says, putting another plate towards you so you can dry it. “..you said that the company owns you.” He remembers, and you nod. “To what degree?”

“I have an independence license.” You say. An independence license is basically a permanent permit to live on your own, and also work on your own. Basically, with it, you don’t need an owner at all. “But.. the company has full control over my finances and such. And they own my, you know, brand name.” You shrug.

“I meant it, you know?” He tells you, draining the sink of the soapy water. “I’ll try and figure something out.”

“Don’t bother.” You simply say. “it doesn’t matter.”

“It does.” Jungkook denies, drying his hands on a towel. But you stay silent as you put the dishes away in their proper places, not really sparing him any glance at all again.

Jungkook doesn’t really know yet how to help you. First, he wants to somehow get into contact with your parents and set things right again- maybe he can get their names and phone number from jimin who’s been working you for a good while now. And then, maybe they can help, too.

“I’m tired.” You complain as you sit down on the now finally somewhat clean floor, all the trash in bags and in a corner.

“You can take a nap.” Jungkook agrees, and you look at him with positive surprise.

“wait, really?!” You ask, tail wagging a little.

“sure. You’ve been working hard.” He approves. “and now that your couch isn’t cluttered, you can take a proper nap there.”

“Why not my bed?” You whine, disappointed.

“bed is for proper sleep. Couch is for naps.” He explains. “if you go to bed now you’ll just start rotting again.”

You stay quiet for a good moment, before you speak again, looking out the windows, curtains by now pulled open. Slowly, you walk over to the couch to sit down on, staring at your hands in your lap.

“I’m such a fuck up, am I not?” You sigh. “imagine if people knew how much of a failure I am.”

“You’re not a failure.” Jungkook denies, sitting down next to you on the couch. “just.. a bit lost at the moment.”

“Jungkook..” you say quietly, looking at his chest. “I really want to go home.” You admit, and he smiles softly.

“I know. And I’ll figure out a way, promise.” He offers, opening his arms. And much to his surprise, you take the invitation- even so much as to crawl onto his lap, leaning against his chest with your arms wrapped around him. It’s a lot more than he thought this was going to be, but he also can’t deny that this feels oddly comforting for him too.

And even though your tail is still limp and lifeless, at least you’re starting to open up. And maybe jimin was right after all.

Maybe you’re just acting tough.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Jungkook quickly learns that you really must’ve left home at a very young age- because you’re very much completely lost in translation when it comes to general tasks that fall onto someone when they live alone.

You’ve got no idea how to properly do laundry, you don’t know how to cook at all, and you have no idea what cleaning products to use for what. When he asked you if you had some window cleaner, you’d stared at him for a good second before you asked him why he can’t just use soap- and cooking in your book is simply boiling water for instant noodles.

It’s no wonder your apartment was in the state it was in. No one ever taught you how to look after yourself and your own home.

“Alright?” Jungkook asks while you stare at the washing machine with a determined gaze.

“put the clothes in, put the soap-squishy-thing in, close the door and then set it to that program there.” You repeat. Jungkook nods.

“But-?” He presses, and you stare at him for a second, thinking.

“But...uh..” you try and find an answer. “no colored stuff with white clothes? And no black with colors?” You try, and he grins, tail wagging.

“Good girl. See? You’re not dumb, you just didn’t know.” He praises. “now press start and then we can go laze around a little until it’s done.” He says, making you happily press the start button.

Something that Jungkook has noticed, is that the entire apartment seems oddly.. sterile almost, in that it looks and feels taken straight out of a magazine. You’ve got no thing personal it seems like, no blankets that aren’t a neutral color, no toys, no plushies despite you telling him by now that you love these things. Instead, you only really have your little gaming console and that’s it- your bedroom is mostly taken over by designer clothes and shoes, as well as all sorts of accessories. The bathroom contains shelves full of skincare for face and body, but everything else appears to be not at all to be your personality.

“You can get yourself some new blankets for the couch now that we’ve cleaned up.” Jungkook mentions, but at that you simply begin to pout next to him, legs pulled close to you as you slide down a little, slouching.

“Nah, they’ll say no.” You huff, watching the TV commercial play.

So you really meant it when you said that the company has full control over your money. He believed it might just involve big spendings, which would make sense- but it looks like it more so involves every single purchase you make instead.

“How long is your contract?” He asks, and you shrug.

“I think forever.” You say, flopping to the side, legs hanging off to the floor. “I don’t know.”

“Thats.. not legal.” Jungkook frowns. “did you never renew it?”

“Huh?” Your ears tilt towards him for a second. He still wonders why one of your ears is floppy these days. “..no. I don’t think I ever did.”

“I.. how long have you been with them?” He asks, and you hold your hands in front of you to start counting. And the more fingers you seem to add, the more concerned he becomes.

“Well, I uh.. wait, I left when I was..” you mumble to yourself. “and now that I’m.. I think eleven years?” You answer, looking at him.

The maximum contract length for hybrids is five years.

Five.

“I.. okay, can you do me a favor?” He asks, and you nod, slowly sitting up. “next time you’re at your company’s HQ, try and get a hold of a copy of your contract. But don’t tell anyone what you need it for.” He says.

If he can get a copy of whatever slave contract you’re under, getting you out of it will be easy. There’s strict laws for hybrids in place after all- one can’t just work them like pets, there’s rules every company has to follow. And that is the same in your industry as well.

“am I gonna go to jail?” You ask, and Jungkook shakes his head.

“No no, you did nothing wrong.” He denies, reaching out to pet your head- pleasantly surprised when you visibly accept the gesture.

Because he speaks the truth. You did nothing wrong.

You were simply used from the start.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

On Monday, jungkook is standing at your door, 7 AM.

And you really, really do not want to go with him.

“Come on now-“ he urges again, pulling on your fluffy sweater while you cling to the doorframe of your apartment building entrance, having just seen what exactly Jungkook uses as his preferred means of transportation.

“No, you’re not getting me on that death-trap, no way in hell!” You complain, escaping his grasp just for a second before his arms are around your middle, easily removing your fingers from the door with a smile sent towards the security guard as reassurance, before he carries your struggling body towards his Harley. “No!” You complain. “This is kidnapping! Abduction!” You cry out, before he puts the helmet he’d gotten recently on your head, hands fastening the strap beneath your chin before he gets onto the motorcycle as well, sitting in front of you.

And the second it roars to life, you’re clinging to him with arms and legs involved, resulting in Jungkook adjusting your grip a little to not strangle him.

Well- at least he’s not driving fast.

“I hate you.” You complain when he removes the helmet again in the underground parking lot beneath the dance studio, pupils still blown wide, cheeks a bit flushed.

“If you just got up yourself like a big girl, I wouldn’t have to drive you.” He easily tells you, helping you down from the vehicle. “we’ll do this again and again until you learn.” He explains, stepping into the elevator with you- still lowly growling to yourself, pissed off at his attitude.

You’re not a kid. He’s stupid.

But it does work, because at least you somewhat practice with him for a few hours, before you stubbornly lay down starfish style in the middle of the practice room, demanding a break- one he grants for once, even if it’s just ten minutes.

“I really don’t wanna go to that contest.” You huff, half of your face squished against the shiny floorboards. Jungkook slowly walks towards you, squatting down to flick his finger against one of your ears that’s again, a little floppy today.

“I know.” He answers, because he does still remember your outburst, devastating cries edged into his mind.

“Hey Jungkook?” you ask, as he absent-mindedly rubs your ear between his fingers, almost enchanted by the softness of it.

“Yeah?” He answers, noticing the way you clearly enjoy such a simple touch to the fullest. You’re constantly surrounded by people, and yet it’s clear that you’re touch-starved and just treated like a doll and nothing else. How lonely must you have been until now?

“Do you have a girlfriend?” You ask. “or a boyfriend?” You wonder, leaning into his hand with closed eyes.

“No.” He answers, unsure and most of all suspicious.

“nice.” You smile, tail wagging softly. “I’m your girlfriend then.” You decide, and he freezes.

“...what?” He asks, sitting down now, a water bottle next to his crossed legs. “You can’t.. that’s not how it works.” He explains, but you shrug.

“My mom and my dad didn’t like each other either.” You reply, staring at nothing ahead, chin on your hands. “they just.. got together out of convenience. Cause they were the same hybrid breed, and I guess didn’t have anyone else at the time.” You mumble. “love isn’t real anyways. I’m pretty- isn’t that enough for you to like me?” You ask, turning your head to look at him with a gaze so.. detached that it makes him feel pity.

Is that your view on the world around you?

“You are pretty.” He responds. “but that’s not a foundation for.. a relationship.” He shakes his head.

“I don’t mind that you’re a mix.” You shrug. “you’re handsome, I’m pretty, and I have money.” You say. “if we get together thousands will flock to your dance studio. You’ll be super successful. “ You propose to him. “doesn’t even have to be for long. You can just.. I don’t know. Spend some time with me until you get bored, and then move on.”

“No.” He denies again. You frown.

“Huh.” You huff, slowly sitting up. “whatever then, I guess.”

“Do you even like me?” he asks you, confused, and you shrug before nodding.

“You’re nice. A bit stick-up-you-ass, but overall nice.” You offer.

Jungkook just watches you for a second, in full disbelief at what had been done to you. Raised in a place of luxury, with a golden spoon in your mouth and lies fed daily to create the view you have on everything around you right now. No kindness without some ulterior motive fits your reality. Everything has to be convenient for everyone involved.

“I don’t want a relationship without love, no matter what I might gain from it.” He explains himself, and you roll your eyes, before you flop onto your back, arms crossed again as you sulk. “You shouldn’t settle for less either.”

“Yeah well I wont get that.” You answer. “no one wants me. They want.. her.” You say, while twirling the silver name tag from around your neck in your fingers.

Until he leans over you, body entirely covering yours for a second, causing you to become nervous and wide eyed at his bold move. He’s looking at your neck, and you’re sure he must’ve realized what’s in it for him- after all, everyone is out for something to gain.

His hands move around your neck, fingers warm. You close your eyes as his face draws closer, awaiting the inevitable.

When suddenly, the collar around your neck is undone, and pulled off your neck.

“what-“ you ask, eyes open again as you watch him still above you, now looking into your eyes, and no longer anywhere else.

“I don’t want her.” He says, referring to the name on the tag around your neck that’s now in his hand, pushed into the floorboards where he holds himself up.

“But I’d like to get to know you instead.”

[formulapookie]

💛💛

Under the cut to read on Tumblr, here to read on Ao3 ch1; ch2; ch3; ch4

Les fleurs du mal ch.5 rosquez, 2.1k words

It’s nine in the morning of a beautiful Sunday, he finally got all the truth Uccio for God knows what reason had chosen to change, corrupt, modify for him to see a distorted version of reality.

The telemetry, that shit was just made up, by a jealous? angry? Uccio, who chose to ruin the one good relationship in forever like that, like it had just been a flash, instead of the sun in his life.

He wanted to call Marc, hell no drive until Cervera and say he was sorry, that he had been an asshole, a terrible person, but to please forgive him because he had been shielded from the reality and couldn’t see.

That now tho he sees the love Marc always reserved for him, he sees how much Marc is willing to sacrifice for them, for the love they share.

There’s a voice note in his notifications, along with two missed calls, from Marc.

And a text from Lorenzo.

“Vale?”

“Mh?”

They’re laying in bed, at Vale’s house, softly surrounded by pearly colored sheets, the sound of the town filling the outside world.

“Do you ever think about like, the future?”

“In general or us?”

“Both”

“Well of course amore, I think of my racing career and more titles and of the time when I’ll inevitably have to retire.

And I think about us, free from the media attention, in a beautiful house near the see.

No neighbours, just us, and you are sunbathing naked next our pool and then I-“

Marc blushes, hiding his face more in the crook of Vale’s neck

“What amore? It wouldn’t be the first time I see you naked eh. I think I saw you pretty clearly last night”

“Vale! This was supposed to be romantic!”

“Is it not romantic? Making love to you in a house we share?”

“I - yeah it is”

“See? And you? You think about the future?”

“Yeah. I see us in a house in the middle of the countryside tho, with animals.

Dogs, a lot of dogs, and your strange red cat too”

“Rossano is not strange!”

“He looks at me funny whenever I’m here.

But anyway, a cute house in the countryside, just the two of us, it’s peaceful”

“But? I feel like there’s a but”

“But I also think about the sport and the danger and - Vale are you scared of death? I am terrified by it. It’s just - one day you just cease to be and I cannot think the universe is so cruel to do this”

“Amore, of course i’m scared of it, and it. In our sport it can happen. It took me years to get over the fact Marco was gone. But life ends in death no matter what we do, we have to live it at our fullest still”

“Im scared thought, I don’t like the idea of it. It’s cold you think? When you”

“I don’t know. It could be. Or it could be warm like drifting asleep with a blanket on and just - sleep”

For Marc it’s cold when he dies.

Freezing even, and so so lonely.

When Roser finds him, curled beside his bed, clutching in his arms the helmet signed by that man, it’s like being shot in the heart.

She tries to wake him, tries to call him, but he’s cold.

Unmoving.

Still like the moment she finds herself in.

Marc is holding onto that one piece of his heart like he’s still alive, the strong grip seemingly coming from a strong person.

But when she looks at him all she can see is her little boy, her son.

Pale and tired and sad.

He looks like he’s having a bad dream, the unsettling kind of dreams where you don’t precisely know where you are and can’t get out.

There’s petals on the ground.

Yellow. 

So much yellow and she just wants to burn it all away.

She cries more, calling for Marc again, trying to get him back.

But Marc can’t hear her, the only sounds in the room are Roser’s sobs and the repetitive buzz of Marc’s phone.

When Marc wakes up in the middle

of the night he’s cold, shivering.

The fever is taking over, he’s hallucinating again.

He reaches out for Vale, why is he not in bed? 

Oh right, he’s still not back yet.

But it doesn’t matter.

Because they have time.

The scratch in the back of his throat seems to be less excruciating too, like it’s being kept at bay.

Well this just means Vale is close right? 

He’s coming, finally he’s coming home to tell him he still loves him, and - and the roots will go away the same way they arrived.

“Oh I need to set the room up, Vale has to see my collection has improved, yes, he needs to see it”

Marc unpacks the two boxes Roser had stuffed full, carefully taking out the items in them.

The cap and the picture first, he places them on the shelf next to his bed, close, so close the cap covers half the picture, the half where Marc is.

Then it’s the bikes turn.

Slowly, methodically, precisely, Marc takes them out the box one by one, placing them in the same exact order he had bought them.

He sees Alex in his room, he’s not happy.

“Marc come on stop you look ridiculous”

“Ah Alex stop it, you’ve just never been in love, when you’ll be you’ll get it”

He’s standing on his bed, mattress dipping under his rapidly decreasing weight.

“You see, Vale is coming and the room has to be nice for him, I want it to be more beautiful than ever, he deserves the best”

Marc is smiling, like a kid on his birthday, waiting to blow the candles.

“Oh he’ll want the 2004 Yamaha to be the most visible for sure, he loves that bike God how he loves it”

He keeps talking to a non existing Alex, while he feels colder and colder.

“I better put on a hoodie, don’t want to catch a cold before Vale arrives for sure”

He goes pick up the one hoodie Vale left there, in his home.

It still smells like him.

He sits on the bed, legs crossed with his phone beside him, facing the door.

He stays there for minutes, maybe an hour even.

There’s no sudden buzzing of the phone, no sound of a car parking outside, no knocking on the door signaling Vale is there.

Well not yet, maybe he just doesn’t like to travel with the dark.

Yeah it - it must be that.

Because it’s either that or.

Or Vale isn’t coming.

Not now, not in a million years he’s gonna spend tidying up his room to welcome Vale back in it.

When the fever lets go of him and he sees clearly again it hurts.

Physically, mentally, emotionally it all hurts like it’s been crushed by tons and tons of rocks thrown on top of him.

Hot big tears fall from his eyes, follow the now slim outline of his cheekbones, and collect under Marc’s chin.

“He is coming. He is coming. I know he’s coming”

He tries to convince himself of this, even with the hallucination gone, he gets up and sets up the room.

It has to look exactly like it did when Vale came here last time, little bikes in their precise fragile order.

The last thing he takes out the boxes is the helmet.

Signed, a little note left for him by Vale, unmistakable messy handwriting on the clean visor.

He takes his phone, it’s stupid, childish but he can’t do otherwise.

He calls him.

Twenty, twenty five seconds of his phone ringing. No answer.

He tries again. And once again there’s no answer on the other side.

He opens their chat, it’s still on hold since the last text Vale sent.

“Good luck for the race babychamp”

He presses the button to send the voice note, the first few seconds just of silence.

“Vale. It’s me. I - please Vale it hurts so much, I can’t breathe I need you to come here quick I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry for what I did, all of it, I’m sorry I didn’t want you to lose, I didn’t want to do anything against you. I never - I never went to him, I would never cheat on you, I only ever had you please believe me Vale. Vale I love you. I’m home and, and it hurts so much. Please I need to see you. Please. I need to feel your hugs again. I’m cold Vale so cold”

The voice note sends, but there’s no blue ticks to signal it’s been read.

Marc climbs off the bed, his phone beside him, holding the helmet between his arms like it’s the most prized possession of his, he fears it may scratch, or get ruined if he accidentally bumps into the shelf he usually laid it on.

All his words now barely a whisper, he’s trying to stay anchored to reality by clutching at that damn helmet, it’s almost sunrise, almost sunrise and there’s no sign of Vale.

He abandoned him.

Vale abandoned him.

He truly hates him, he truly wants Marc to not represent a menace at all.

That’s fine. Vale will be fine without him too, he was fine before meeting him, there’s no need for Marc to exist in Vale’s life.

Maybe he’s gonna be a weight less, he will just go away, like he came in.

A breeze.

Marc can feel himself getting colder, and the petals in his throat now make it impossible to breathe.

He vomits them rather than coughing, a sea of yellow hollowness making its way out of his body, the everlasting presence of Valentino beside him even right now.

“you promised it was going to be warm like falling asleep with a blanket, but it’s cold, it’s so cold”

He’s still waiting there, looking at the door like a dog waiting for his owner does.

Argo had waited for Ulysses for years before he came back, and had died right in his arms.

But Marc knows his Ulysses won’t arrive, not even to hold him as he leaves behind the ugly and hurt of the mortal world.

He’s an abandoned dog. Even if he was loyal. He’s been abandoned.

He cries on the helmet, the last tears he can still produce, before his life abandons him too, the last breath used to hope, to call Vale’s name.

When Roser finally looks at the ID of the caller on her son’s phone she is angry.

She wants to smash that phone against a wall, make it shut up once and for all.

“Vale💛💙” identifies the person calling, the rage she feels is unexplainable through words.

She doesn’t answer. He doesn’t deserve to know from her what happened to her sweet boy, he will forever live with the guilt of having killed him. 

She only manages to call Alex and their father two hours later. 

She tells them to come there, that Marc has gone to sleep the night but hasn’t woken up now.

When Alex barges in he’s red in the face, crying and cursing.

He runs to the room they used to share, and sees how Marc has set it up once again, memories of Vale on all the shelves.

He also sees the many yellow petals littering the ground of the bedroom, a dark feeling taking residence in his chest.

“Marc? Marc it’s me, it’s Alex, I know you can hear me, you’re just sleeping, but you have to wake up, mom is getting worried. You need to wake up Marc please, I don’t know what to do without you”

“Alex he’s not-“

“HE’S ALIVE HE’S JUST - he’s just making a joke mom he - he can’t be dead mom he can’t be”

“Alex come here”

“No. No he - it’s not right. It’s not right he shouldn’t be, it shouldn’t end like this, he promised me we would’ve been together on the podium one day, he promised”

Roser has to drag Alex away from Marc, he doesn’t want to let go, he wants to save him.

“Alex. Look at me. You have to think of what Marc wanted ok?”

“Marc wanted to live! He wanted to race and win and - he wanted so many things! He’s scared of death, terrified of being alone! AND HE WAS ALONE!”

“But he wanted you to live too, he wanted you to be there on track, to be here with us. Please don’t - don’t make me lose you too Alex”

“No no i’m not going anywhere mom I promise. I’m not going away, sorry sorry sorry mom I’m staying here”

“Can you? I can’t call anyone to tell”

“Yeah yeah i I’ll uh ill call people”

“Be kind with yourself, as kind as your brother was with you ok?”

“Ok”

They think about removing everything from the room.

Putting it back in boxes.

But Marc’s last wish was probably for the room to be like this, and they couldn’t go against his wish.

[sun-dappledfields]

Heyyy hiiii hellloooo :3

Any activity ideas for a vampire?

This is my first time doing one of these, so apologies if it’s bad. Also, uh. Sorry it’s so long … got a little carried away ^-^’

VAMPIREKIN HELPKIT !

Remember, these are just ideas meant to inspire you. Only you can dictate your identity as a vampire— if you don’t feel connected to anything here, then that’s fine! No one else can tell you how to identify as a vampire: only you can.

You are valid. You are amazing. You are beautiful. Fangs or no fangs. Sunlight or no sunlight. Cloak or no cloak. Reflection or no reflection. You are a vampire through and through, and no one can change that. Here are some other affirmations for you so you can practice love and acceptance for your vampy self!

Affirmations:

I am a vampire through and through!

I am still a vampire even if my skin is not pale, my fangs are not sharp, or I don’t crave blood.

My experiences as a vampire are valid.

My fangs are beautiful, big or small! They are gleaming and sharp and perfect.

My aura exudes vampiric excellence.

I am the count(ess) of acceptance and progress.

I am perfect even if I don’t connect with bats.

It is okay if I’m afraid of blood— not all vampires feed!

This vessel radiates vampiric beauty.

I am always on point! (Haha, puns.)

Even if I can’t stay up late or avoid the sun, I am still an amazing vampire.

No matter what, I am totally rad!

Now, here are some fun activities you could do to connect with your vampire side more! :D

Activities:

Create a playlist with vampiric vibes and your favorite songs to listen to.

Make a Pinterest board in honor of your beautiful vampire self! Put images of pretty castles, spooky animals, general vibes, or whatever you think fits!

Write a journal and keep track of all your monstrous experiences and escapades.

Drinking cranberry juice, pomegranate juice, fruit punch, grape juice, or other darker/red drinks. (Don’t drink real blood unless you know it’s safe, bats!)

Hang upside down! Some vampire have a bat form and hanging upside down might make you feel more connected to your bat side.

Stay up late (But not too late: even vampires need their beauty sleep!)

Avoid the sun— maybe wear big hats, sunglasses, or get a parasol. (Still get some sunlight every once in a while, though. It may be uncomfortable, but even vamps need all of the good minerals the sun provides; just wear lots of sunscreen!)

Avoid garlic (unless you *really* like it… then you might just have an immunity to it!)

Try to bite into juicy fruits or foods with your fangs or your front teeth and then drink the juice out.

Light candles and turn off your room lights— create a spooooky atmosphere in your vampiric den!

Read vampire stories or watch vampire movies to look at and learn the experiences of other vampires.

Paint with watery red or black paints— create an image that reminds you of your dream castle, how you view yourself, or something else!

Go outside and admire the beauty of the moon.

Create or purchase bat-themed items!

Turn your bed into your very own coffin! Whether this be by decorating it with bat plushies, putting a veil over it, shaping your blankets to make a comfy coffin shape, or something else— it’s up to you!

Pick flowers and dry them so you can appreciate their deathly beauty.

Buy affirming/gothic items like ornate candle holders, red bath bombs, red LED lights, etc …

Brush your fangs well!

Use spooky themed chewelry in case you have biting urges.

Visit graveyards (respectfully!) or explore victorian houses online.

Admire your deathly reflection— in this vessel you can see yourself in mirrors, so you should definitely make the best of it!

Make a habit to ask to enter other people’s houses! Being polite is certainly important, wink wink.

And finally some vampiric snacks! Vampires need fuel, too!

Snacks & Treats:

Red drinks or fruit juices that remind you of blood!

Ripe fruits! The feeling of fangs sinking into the fruit is akin to that of prey!

Tender or juicy meats give the feeling of a bloody meal without being bloody.

Foods with actual blood in them, like blood sausage or blood pudding.

Cookies! (Even if they aren’t spooky… cookies are great for any creature!)

Jam-filled things— imagine biting through your prey and getting to the blood in the center!

Some vampkin playlists, to help set a spooky mood.

(None of these are mine— kudos to all the beings who made these! :D)

And last, but not least: A moodboard and a color pallet, just for funsies!

I hope this served you well! If there’s anything you’d like to change, any recommendations, or any feedback in general, let me know! Opinions are always appreciated. ^.^ !

My requests are open ! ! :D

[unriding]

and then im back with tags for this kind gift cy !! 🥺 and ran out ^^; so continued below:

#thank you ** for such a kind gift ): from the very bottom of my heart !!!!

#you have such a way of showing your love and … hey … how does every single interaction we have make me feel so warm and happy !!!

#it must be the cy effect surely ….. but oh ): perhaps we will switch places and i will be the one to read this all night long sjsndjkck

#im sorry if my tags were not quite coherent!! i am typing this at nearly 3 am bahhaha

#hey )): thank you one last time cy …. this really means so much to me — especially during a month like this where i am usually a bit down isnsjjxc i am holding this so close to my heart

#thann you thank thank you thank you )): !!! i hope you have such a wonderful rest of your week !!! and an amazing new years heh

Casually dropping by to present you with this gift <3

(Lemme know if the link works or not!)

cyyyy !!! this is what you meant that one post ?! asking if your moots would be comfy with a drabble ?! you !!! /pos you !!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU T T

[evanpeterswifeyyy]

Absolutely random rant session about my fucked up sleep stuff

Does anyone else have constant nightmares or disturbing dreams?

Like, my only dreams I’ve ever had have always been either terrifying or deeply disturbing. And for the first few years I was definitely terrified in my dreams, but now it’s just a common occurrence and feels like a “yeah this is fine and normal” moment in my dreams. The only times I get the feeling it’s a nightmare is when it gets super weird and disturbing and then I have to force myself awake.

Does it even count as a nightmare if I’m not scared??

Idk how to explain this phenomenon but like I have so many strange dreams that reoccur in the same sort of way I can make categories for it

+ dreams where I’m being chased or running from something/ someone

+ dreams where my environment is rapidly changing

+dreams where I have multiple dreams back to back that are wildly different

+ dreams of body horror like I had a dream of someone i loved being covered in moss, another time they were a rotting corpse, sometimes it’s acne based, a lot of the time it’s me hiding from someone who’s literally about to die in horrific ways. (I recently had a dream where a woman got surgery and it all split open and it sickened me so bad I had to stay up for an hour before I could fall back asleep at like 3 am)

+dreams where I die

+an amalgamation of all that

I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever had a “good” dream.

Like most ppl have dreams about going to work, being embarrassed, finding the love of their lives, their teeth falling out, etc.

Mine is being in a jumbled up rubix cube of an environment where I’m at school, but it’s not my school visually, but one room is from my school and my school is also a hospital now and I have to go to class but oh someone is getting throwing up their guts and oh now I’m in my house and my mom who’s not really my mom is hunting me down and I have to run away through the woods that are near my house but I don’t have woods near my house and now I’m at a haunted house and being stalked by creepy dolls— and on and on and on.

Once I had a dream I was in a church chapel and it was like the 1600s and it was a church but also acted as like a courthouse and I was watching someone’s trial where they were getting sentenced to beheading and then it randomly flipped and I was pulled from the crowd as the offender somehow and I had the most realistic, terrifying feeling of actual death when I realized I was going to die and a blade came down and I didn’t feel any pain rlly but everything when black and my head dropped in the basket and I remember still being concious but everything was muffled and my brain was all fuzzy and then I woke up. I was genuinely so sick to my stomach after waking up. It’s hard to describe the feeling other than I literally felt what it feels like to accept death and it’s horrific.

I’m just curious if this happens to anyone else.

I haven’t tried anything to prevent these dreams, I kinda feel like I can’t anymore even if I did try everything in the book. It’s why I’ve been trying so hard to learn how to lucid dream because I want to be able to feel safe and comfortable when I’m in a dream. And like technically I do because when I’m in my dreams I’m usually like an entire separate person (whether I look like me or not) kinda like a video game. So it’s “normal” to me in the dream. But obviously, it’s not comfortable in the way I want it to be.

If anyone has any tips on how to calm down my dreams a least a little bit pls drop it in notes because I’m desperate atp.

Sorry for the random rant but I find dreams so fascinating in general and this has been bothering me for days because they always spike up sometimes and turn into actual nightmares and I’ve been getting that recently. I hope this was actually interesting to people who did read this atrocious yap session.

I see u and I appreciate u 🫶

I actually have tons of dreams I remember pretty well if anyone wants to hear me specifically talk about all my weird dreams. I do keep a dream journal but it’s not consistent at all and sometimes I’m either too tired to write down the dream or too terrified of it to recall so there are some I don’t remember at all or it’s hard for me to talk abt in detail.

Even describing some of them in text gives me chills.

[monkeytrick]

ausuweiueuiwqiu12

Sorry I pretty much only make posts like this rn and thnaks to everyone who reads them this is like. So much. But I’ve been freaking out so much lately bc I’m in a much better albeit temporary living situation than I’ve ever been in but I feel like I’m like. Genuinely way too depressed and scared to actually do anything since getting here. Which like I guess I can sorta defend bc I’m recovering from previous situation but I also kinda just feel like it’s how I’d be behaving regardless ☹️I got hired for a job at least but I’ve spent like every day I’ve been here essentially jsut pacing around and then getting really drunk and/or high to avoid thinking about any of the shit I actually need to do and then going to sleep at like 5 am. And I feel so much worse about it bc everyone here actually has been really kind and helpful about trying to help me get things on track but I feel like I’m just unable to do anything I need to do unless I have someone watching and helping me the entire time and I don’t want to put anyone in that position. I am basically like not speaking to anyone at all rn except for the people I live with and a select few internet friends and I have so much shit piling up on here and from people I knew irl in Wisconsin that I just haven’t answered at all. Ptsd symptoms have been getting worse since I first got kicked out and a little before I left for here I was regularly having days where I’d get like genuinely triggered in the most clinical sense from things I can’t really remove from my life and it would lead to me freaking the fuck out and fear vomiting and beyond that I’ve been so stressed that I just can’t eat anything at all without throwing up a lot of the time. I tried looking up if that particularly could be related to ptsd and I found so many people being like ‘yeah that’s a symptom I get it just never went away ever and I lost 80 pounds’ which scared me so fucking bad — I have some solace bc I don’t think it’ll be like that for me, since I got here it’s been like. Ebbing and flowing and I’ve had some days like that but some days where I’m like insanely fucking ravenous for no reason. Which makes me hope so fucking bad it’ll eventually go away but vomiting or getting nauseous being my response to so many things is making me so upset bc i already have really fucked up teeth and I know it’s damaging them so much more I am incredibly close to reaching the point where my upper teeth are just straight up all going to be actively rotting which I feel so disgusting and ashamed of talking about but I don’t know what I can even do to prevent it at this point unless I just full on get dentures or something. I know they’re like. Very obviously snd visibly fucked and I think people are generally polite about it but I feel like it impacts every interaction I have with people irl and all this happening is making me so much more insane and insecure about it. I had multiple really awful ptsd scary days consecutively like immediately after getting here which like, I kind of was prepared for bc I know it can actually get worse when you’re in a safer place but I didn’t expect it to hit so hard so fast and I’m afraid of it continuing to get worse. I’m literally like. In a better place than I have been since I was a small child basically and a MUCH better place than I was immediately before coming here and I’m trying really hard to remind myself of that but it’s so hard to like register anything at all other than being like fuck I need to die they need to kill me etc. I hope so bad I can take the steps to just like get my life together and hopefully get medicated for shit but it just feels so hard for now to exist and be alive at all I wish they could put me in a tube that would give me nutrients or something man

[like-a-bantha]

Sleep Study

Summary: When there's no time for piloting lessons, you suggest a sort of learning-by-osmosis experiment to Tech. What could possibly go wrong?

Pairing: Tech/GN Reader (No Y/N)

Rating: T

Warnings: Language, not beta-read

Word Count: 6.2K

AO3 | Masterlist

Now, this might sound weird – maybe even a tad disrespectful – but bear with me.

I’ve recently begun piloting lessons with Tech and I couldn’t ask for a better teacher. He knows, while I am a proficient mechanic, I’m a total novice when it comes to actually flying, and the man deserves a medal for his patience with me. I’ll ask the same question five times and he only gets mildly agitated around the third, but he’s always been understanding. Not everyone can be a certified genius, after all.

So lessons have been going pretty not bad, I’d say; it’s the workload that’s been causing problems. Cid’s got us going from job to job with almost no breaks. Lately we’re lucky if we get half a rotation to stop and refuel, let alone catch our breath. We’re all exhausted. We’re all on edge. It’s gotten to the point where we’ve had to put a pause on the lessons for a few days just to keep up with general maintenance on top of the back-to-back missions. Thankfully, in those few quiet moments where we can get to that maintenance, I’ve been able to sort of keep up on my lessons thanks to Tech’s rants. And maybe, for whatever reason, my brain decided these rants were incredibly soothing on one particular sleepless flight. And maybe, who knows why, I may have fallen asleep just a bit. It didn’t seem like Tech was angry, or even upset. He was almost apologetic when he gently nudged me awake.

Today, after landing on Ord Mantell for an incredibly brief pit stop, Tech and I work in silence below the ship. He’s been quiet with me since my last accidental nap and I just can’t figure out how to voice how sorry I am without sounding — I don’t know. Disingenuous? And if I’m honest, how do I avoid sounding like a total creep? But we’re just working next to each other, neither of us saying a word, and it’s nice but it’s not us and there’s this massive knot in my gut saying well, it’s your own fault, don’t you remember? 

This silence is awfully comfortable. It really would be such a shame if something were to change that.

“Hey, Tech,” I jumped in without a plan and I’ve given up hope on this being eloquent in any way, at this point I’ll be glad if my question is at least somewhat coherent, “I’m sorry about,” I trail off a bit, I don’t want to finish that sentence actually, “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but I just, I had this idea — weird idea — and maybe a request? Feel free to shoot it down, I mean, if it’s too much. Would you mind sending me the audio files of your lessons? Sorry, just, they’re really interesting but also relaxing and, and, maybe it can be a sort of experiment, y’know? If I fall asleep listening will I retain the information? Strange idea, sorry.”

Tech stares blankly, and when I turn to meet his gaze after giving myself a moment to reboot, he continues to stare blankly. His head is just barely tilted, and he wears a look somewhere between genuine confusion and borderline concern. With a slight shake of his head he finally responds, “Forgive me, I’m afraid I do not follow.”

If only there was a way to smash your head into a wall a few times without doing any real damage. I’d kill for that right about now. I could’ve just kept my mouth shut but no. Real bang-up job on my part.

“I, uh, I fell asleep the other day because – well, because I was tired, mainly – I don’t know, I just find your voice really soothing? Like, everything’s been really chaotic lately but listening to you talk about paralight systems made it,” I take a deep breath, no going back now, “ah, it made it a lot less chaotic. Like everything was quiet for a minute. Safe.”

Another long exhale. Tech’s still silent, processing, but his brows are raised now and his eyes have gone a bit wide behind his goggles. I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing just yet. It’s probably best to go against my gut and keep my mouth shut for a few minutes, but now the minutes feel longer than usual. Karked this one up a bit, I think.

“So you would like the audio files to… study?” I nod before he even finishes his sentence. “Or will you be using them to fall asleep?” I’m still nodding and it certainly isn’t helping his confusion at all.

“Both?” I shrug.

He raises his gloved hand inquisitively to his chin, and his face is blank aside from the visible pondering, and now I’m really starting to think I’ve karked it all up. I could’ve put more thought into it, taken my time both in the apology and easing him into the idea of sharing his pre-recorded knowledge, but instead I sloppily tossed all my cards on the table knowing I had a shit hand. And not just any shit hand, no, it’s an alarmingly weird hand. Just as I’m about to start spewing apologies his hand drops slightly from his chin, index finger extended, “An interesting experiment indeed. I shall transfer the files of our previous lessons as well as my own personal recordings.”

Huh.

Wait. “Personal recordings?” Why do my ears feel warm?

Luckily for me his face is buried too deep in his datapad to notice the tinge of red creeping up my neck. “Yes, before you joined our squad and long before our schedule became so hectic, I kept an audio diary of sorts. Detailed accounts of my findings on missions.”

“Cool,” Yes, I can feel how wide and dopey my grin is but I’m still riding the high of my botched opener somehow working and couldn’t care less. “I feel like I remember seeing you telling a bug facts about itself way back when I met you guys. Makes sense now.”

His brows immediately furrow as he finally pulls his gaze away from the glowing screen in his hands. “You assumed I was talking to the insect?”

Straight faced, I raise both my hands like I’m pleading innocent. “Hey, I don’t judge.”

I break first. My shoulders begin to shake, then my still-raised hands, as the laughter bubbles up. Tech isn’t far behind. We look at each other as we laugh and I can’t help thinking that if it were anyone else I’d hide my face, but it’s like I’ve just now realized turning away would mean missing this uncharacteristically uncontained joy. 

Normally I hate sleeping in my helmet. I know it’s for protection or whatever, but there are few things worse than waking up with a crick in your neck and the gnarly one-two punch that is the bed-head-helmet hair hybrid. Alas, I am dedicated to not only my experiment but also not getting mocked by Wrecker for the next week for listening to Tech’s lecture on, let’s see… “Botanical Symbolism in Folklore Across Kashyyyk”? Sounds interesting. But since I’m not on watch for another seven hours, I can actually take my time choosing rather than scrolling a few pages ahead to the B’s and picking the first one that stands out. I kept scrolling and skimming for a while, he must’ve sent his entire audio library to me; there are hundreds of pages and I’m barely halfway through the aurebesh. Then I’m suddenly scrolling rapidly back to the top of the page as if my subconscious just had a great idea that I’m simply too conscious to understand, and that great idea is to sort the files in chronological order.

I don’t have to scroll back very far at all, Tech wasn’t kidding when he said he only stopped his audio diary when the work started. There’s one titled “The mountainous planet of Guntcania 5” from a few days before we last left Ord Mantell. We’d been sent to loot a newly abandoned Imperial shipyard, driven out by a group of formidable freedom fighters whom we were told were not in it for the profit but the valiant cause. Turns out it was both. I remember Tech quietly commenting on the geological formations to no one in particular. I remember standing a bit closer to hear his comments. I fell asleep just shy of eleven minutes after hitting play.

He caught me in the kitchen not long after I woke up, both of us beelining to the instant caf.

“Thought your shift was over,” I grab two packets from the drawer as Tech retrieves two mugs from the cupboard, “Want some of that herbal tea instead? Get some rest, maybe?”

It’s nice, these quiet moments with him. I’ll watch the kettle, if that old saying is true maybe I can buy us a few more of those moments.

“I have yet to decrypt the schematics from the refinery,” With a heavy sigh he sets the datapad down on the countertop, his shoulders hang and his exhaustion is visible, “Once I’ve completed that and analyze the data I will rest. Until then, I will stick with caf.”

I give a sympathetic smile, “Y’know, I’d offer to help but I think that isn’t exactly my area of expertise.”

“I would more than appreciate the company,” Tech interjects, and by the look on his face I think it took us both by surprise. “If you would be so kind as to join me, that is. Though, if you have duties you must attend to I completely understand and–”

My surprise quickly melts into a warm smile. “‘Course, Tech. I’d love to.” And his face softens in turn. And then there’s a beat where we’re just standing there smiling at each other. Then another. And another. Have you ever seen a tooka knock a cup off of a table and jump at the sound of the crash? Now, imagine that but instead of a tooka it’s two mercenaries, and instead of the clatter of a cup it’s the kettle coming to a boil with an abrupt screech. I think we’d find it much funnier if we weren’t still in the vast realm of half-asleep. Right now, it’s just enough to elicit a soft chuckle at most.

Tech retrieves his datapad as I fix the caf. “Have you begun conducting your experiment? I’m sure you’ve already seen, but I have transferred all of my files from the past year or so, I’m interested to hear your findings.”

It’s enough to slow my movements, brain power diverted to processing his question as I reach for the milk at half speed. “Oh. I, uh, I played the one from Guntcania 5. Didn’t last long, though, I was out by the time you got to regional climates.”

“You were with us for that mission. Perhaps choosing a mission or topic you are unfamiliar with would better prove your theory.”

I nod once before turning to join him, a steaming mug in each hand, carefully placing the caf in front of him as I sit. “Realized as soon as I woke up. Any recommendations for tonight's file?”

He names several from memory as he works on his own task, giving brief descriptions of each without giving away too much — that could skew the results. I add them all to a separate folder, sorting them in order of how excited Tech seemed at the topic.

Of course, things got hectic again and I didn’t have time for experiments – I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been listening to those files, though. Five rotations, a standard week’s worth of sleeps and dreams in the tune of Tech’s voice. I’m waking up well-rested despite sleeping only a handful of hours at a time. I’m practically begging the force to fry some wiring or call off a job to spend even just a few minutes with him. I’m starting to think I may have a problem.

Cid called while we were out hunting down puffer pigs for one of her clients. Hunter walked away with the holoprojector about halfway through the conversation, he later told Omega this was to avoid scaring the animals but Echo and I overheard the real reason. That’s another ten credits in the swear jar. When we get one, that is; right now it’s sort of just an honor system. Next mission – big client, big payout, big enough to hack away a good chunk of our debt and take a couple days off – was called off at the last second, she’d try talking to the client again but, right now, and I quote, “He ain’t budgin’.” We’re still on call, though, and flat broke after our last refuel, so this is really just the galaxy’s worst vacation. Hunter’s hushed and extensive vocabulary perfectly summed up our feelings on the matter.

I was going to try to get some rest on the way back to Ord Mantell but puffer pigs are noisy enough in a relaxed state, toss six of them in a cramped starship and toss that starship into hyperspace and you’ll start to realize noisy doesn’t even begin describe it. Poor Hunter’s locked himself in the ‘fresher, of course Tech installed some sound dampening element to the audio relay in his helmet, but that can only do so much. Omega and Wrecker tried calming the animals to no avail, they’ve resorted to tossing bits of ration bars at them as – I’d say tasty, but eugh – edible bribes. Echo and Tech are arguing over something; it’s small, I think, but I’m too tired to step in and mediate right now. What was supposed to be a short flight felt like years.

“Never thought I’d be happy to be back here, but it sure beats being stuck in hyperspace with these things,” Echo says quietly, carefully lowering the crate in his arms, making sure not to wake the puffer pig that had just fallen asleep. I gently placed the crate I was holding right next to it, maybe when they wake up in this new place seeing one another will calm them down. Or they’ll freak out together.

“Between you and the puffer pigs, I must choose the latter,” Tech mutters, still snippy after the long journey, Echo and I turn to look at him in unison.

Echo’s expression is that of a brother who’s accustomed to that sort of teasing, flat and unphased. Mine, however…

“Hey,” I do my best to keep my voice down, “Not cool.”

Echo’s expression is no longer unphased. It is phased. There’s confusion, surprise, the hint of a smile; he seemed as tired as the rest of us before, but this clearly perked him up. Usually when I step in on these little disagreements I remain as unbiased as I can but I am now, very clearly, taking Echo’s side and now he’s visibly interested in seeing how this plays out. I know I still look hurt by the comment that wasn’t even about me. And Tech, his shift in emotion is visible, I could see him process his remark and my reaction, and his furrowed brows loosen as he looks between the two of us.

“You are correct,” Tech nods once, looking to his brother, “Apologies, Echo, I did not mean that.”

After a moment, a smile graces Echo’s face, “I’ll accept that apology.” And gives his brother a solid pat on the shoulder on his way over to the bar.

“I get grumpy-tired, too, I know how it is,” I bump him with my shoulder, an attempt to break a tension that was not there.

“You do not seem grumpy right now,” Tech breathes out a laugh.

I shrug, “Well maybe I’m not tired right now. Maybe I’m just–” My body decides this is the perfect time for an unsuppressable yawn. “Maybe I’m too tired to be grumpy-tired.”

Tech hums, “A valid theory, it seems.” With a tired chuckle and lazy nod I glance around the near-empty bar. Wrecker and Echo sit at the counter with their drinks while they recount the mission to Cid. Hunter’s setting up the cot for Omega, who is already beginning to fall asleep at Cid’s desk, before he joins his brothers. “I am going to head back to the Marauder and get some rest if you care to accompany me.”

“Yes, please, a quiet ship and sleep sounds like heaven right now,” He stands aside, allowing me to lead the way out of the parlor after saying goodnight to our squadmates.

The cool air of Ord Mantell is enough to keep me awake just long enough to carry myself back to the ship. I hear the ghost of a laugh beside me as another yawn takes hold of me. “I fear you may have conditioned yourself, the sound of my voice alone seems to be putting you to sleep.”

Turns out I’m not too tired for a good laugh, “Yeah, keep talking and you’re gonna have to carry me the rest of the way.”

“I assure you, I was trained to carry men twice my size across the battlefield, I can manage.”

“Right,” I nod, later I’ll blame my dopey smile on exhaustion, “Hey, wait, why men twice your size?”

“It is standard protocol.”

“No, like, isn’t it a one size type of deal? Clones and all, y’know,” He stares blankly at me. “Well, yeah, a few exceptions, but broadly speaking it’s just the one size.”

“I see,” Tech says, and I’ve got this look like I just beat a holochess master, “Your exhaustion has caused a state of delirium. Perhaps this means I’m forced to carry you the rest of the way to best keep you safe.” A barked laugh escapes me at that. “Very well.”

Wait. “Wait! No, no, I’m good! I’m up! I’m awake!” And I am, very much so now as I pick up my pace to evade capture. After my laughter subsides I slow my steps to a walk, and Tech quickly catches up, as we traverse the familiar streets of Ord Mantell.

The Marauder’s ramp lowers with a hiss as we approach. “Dibs on the sonic,” I call over my shoulder as I scurry towards the refresher, Tech makes no protest and takes his time boarding the starship. Our water supply, while it is thankfully abundant these days, always seems to be stuck at the average human body temperature – no warmer, no colder – but at least the cycle itself doesn’t last long at all. A full-body shower only takes about three minutes in the sonic, Republic standard for conservation of resources and time between missions according to Tech. While it is efficient, I do miss a good boiling hot, thirty minute shower to tell the truth; I’d never tell the squad that, though, I’m grateful for what we’ve got.

The chime of my datapad sounded halfway through the sonic’s cycle and I emerge to find a message from Tech. A new audio file and a handful of recommendations. I dress myself with an all-too-giddy smile. After hastily gathering up my things from the ‘fresher I elbow the door control, ready to shout my thanks to the clone and surrender the now warm ‘fresher to him. Instead, however, I am met with the clone himself, standing in front of the doorway, datapad in one hand while the other is in position to knock on the now open door.

He retracts that hand quickly, though, he still looks as if he’s about to say something but nothing has come out yet.

I decide to take the lead. “Hey, thanks for the message. ‘Fresher’s all yours.” 

His parted lips form a smile. “I- you are welcome.” But when I exit the refresher and step to the side he makes no move to enter. “After reviewing a handful of files I found those to be most interesting, I hope this helps your experiment.”

My grin widens, “Thank you, Tech, it’ll definitely help.” He nods just once with a smile before retreating into the ‘fresher. Maybe I stared at the door just a second too long. Maybe I even let out a quiet little giggle before heading over to my bunk.

I can hear the sonic start as I finally turn in, scrolling through highlighted files on my datapad while I try to get comfortable on the flat old mattress pad which always proves to be an impossible task. My sights lock in on a file between two of Tech’s suggestions labeled “Repairs and Maintenance”. Do I already know the in’s and out’s of most starships? Of course. Do I still learn something new everytime Tech talks about the in’s and out’s of the Marauder? Of kriffing course. Perfect.

The sonic’s still running when I put my helmet on and hit play, and I’m promptly out like a light.

I wake with a stir when I feel something plush fall on my helmeted head and open my eyes to see a large hand reach down and grab the offending object. Wrecker whispers an apology as he gingerly retrieves his Lula after dropping her into my bunk. Still half asleep, I can’t decide if that sorry was for me or the doll. The guys are back.

With a quiet, sleepy groan, I roll onto my side and pull my knees to my chest, blindly reaching for the datapad behind me. Waking the device is a mistake as I am instantly shocked by its brightness, my eyes snap shut and I dim the screen. I’ve moved onto a new recording, it seems. This one is titled “Atmospheric Changes of Taccoh”, about five minutes in. Taccoh was one of my first missions with them, I remember my excitement at how well we worked together as a team. I’m not usually good on a team, but clicking with these guys was just easy. It just felt right.

“—they seem to be adjusting rather well to mercenary work. I must say, they are quite the knowledgeable mechanic and are proving to be a great asset to the squad. Wrecker’s comments on their romantic interest in me are, in my opinion, absurd. Though I would not be opposed to such interest, I find the probability highly unlikely. Their interest, as I’ve observed, lies both in their work and the pursuit of knowledge. Qualities I find most admirable, as well as —“

Pause.

The heart rate monitor on my dimmed HUD glows an ominous red as the number rises.

Oh god. Kriff. I found Tech’s kriffing diary.

I pry the helmet from my head, foregoing any attempt to fix my surely frazzled hair, still damp from the fresher, and swing my legs over the side of my bunk to sit up. My whole body is tense, my knuckles pale from the force of my grip on the durasteel frame. Fresh air. Yes. Fresh air would do me good right now, I’d say.

The room seems to spin as I fumble for my boots and the sheer volume at which my mind screams nearly drowns out Echo, half-asleep and confused, staring at me through squinted eyes from his bunk.

“You alright?” His tired voice repeats.

“Yes, yeah,” I answer, all too quickly, “just need some air, is all. You okay? You good? Sleeping okay?”

Echo’s brows furrow, he shifts slightly to face me properly, “I was,” he suppresses a yawn and I hurry up with my boots, “but then you shot up like you saw a ghost.”

My laughter is quiet but crazed, and I can barely hear it, “Ship’s not haunted, Echo, go back to sleep.” 

I stand to leave but the quiet call of my name stops me in my tracks, I turn to face the sleepy clone. “You sure you’re alright?” 

“I’m fine,” I try to make it sound convincing but I know it’s a sorry attempt, “really, get some rest. Be back soon.” His gaze remains fixed on me for a moment longer before he shuts his eyes, nodding before settling his head on the pillow once again. I let out a portion of a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding as I hurry out of the ship and into the crisp night air of Ord Mantel.

My feet take me to Cid’s. She shut the sign off but I can hear the jukebox from the street, no luck kicking out the regulars for the night, it seems. My feet then decide to take me down the stairs. Then to the bar.

“Great, I try to kick two out and a third appears,” the trandoshan huffs from behind the bar, “If you’re looking for dark and broody and the kid, they’re sleeping. Not sure how, these two bozos won’t shut up.” She shouts in the direction of the booming jukebox and patrons as she pours two drinks before sliding one to me.

“Hey, can I get your take on something?” I down the drink, extending the cup in a silent request. 

She glances tentatively first at my now empty cup, then at her own drink, before quickly finishing it to pour us each a second round. “Depends.”

“On?”

“Tell ya after I hear it.”

I laugh into my drink. “This stays between us.” She laughs into her drink. “Or I can just finish my free drink and leave.”

“Fine, fine. Between us.” She waves a dismissive hand. “But it better be interesting or these are going on your tab.”

My brows furrow, I nod just once before finishing my second drink, and the second the empty cup makes contact with the sticky countertop I blurt it out, “I listened to Tech’s diary.”

She waits for me to go on, I wait for her to be a voice of reason. Neither of us get what we’re looking for. “Alright, you found Goggles’ diary. And?”

“And?” I echo, incredulously. “I accidentally listened to some really, really personal stuff that I can’t un-listen to, what do I do? Do I tell him? What, do I say ‘Hey, Tech, so the learning by osmosis experiment was a bust but a little birdie — you, you’re the birdie — told me you had a big ol’ crush on me, for, like a while, so I just wanted to —‘ I don’t know what I want. Kriff, this is bad, isn’t it?”

Cid stares at me like I’m a three-headed mythosaur for what feels like hours, I try to calm my breathing, try to take a sip from my already empty cup. I’m only pulled out of my thought loop by the howl of Cid’s laughter. It even manages to pull Bolo and Ketch’s attention away from the jukebox, if only for a second. In all the time I’ve known her, I’ve never heard Cid laugh so hard. My look of shock remains even as her laughter subsides.

“Good one, kid. You almost had me for a second there.” She gently wipes a tear from the corner of her eye, but the laughter returns when she notices my expression is unchanged. “Oh, you’re serious?”

“Obviously I’m kriffing serious! Cid, I’m kind of in deep shit here, I need advice, I don’t need you laughing in my face!”

“Oh, relax, it’s not like you didn’t know. You idiots have been pining over each other from day one. Didn’t think Goggles would make the first move, though, I owe Muscles ten credits.” She mutters, though clearly still amused.

“I didn’t know! Force, how would I have known!” I put my head down on the bar with a sigh. “So, what, everyone knows and I’m just the last to find out?”

“Got it.”

All I can manage is a dramatic groan.

“Just talk to him, what’s the worst that can happen?”

I don’t even need to think about it, “I say exactly what I said before, weird him out, and go back to working by myself because he never wants to see me again.”

“Yeesh, try living a little sometime, kid. It’ll do you good,” Cid cringes into her cup, “Talk to him. Trust me.”

With a roll of my eyes I extend my empty cup one last time, Cid fills it without a word and I down the drink before leaving the empty glass on the bar as I stand, “Those were on you, I could’ve gotten better advice from Bolo and Ketch.”

“Can’t argue with you there, they’ve been together as long as I’ve known them,” She rinses out the empty cup and tosses it into the washer. “He’s crazy about you, kid. Just tell him how you feel.”

Cid’s words play on repeat in my mind as I wander the now empty city streets. Talk to him right, easier said than done. What if he’s not ready for a relationship? What if I’m not? We’re already so busy, will we really have the time? What if this changes our dynamic irreparably? What if I lose my closest friend?

It takes hearing someone call my name to pull me from what could’ve been an eternal thought loop. I’m back at Cid’s, a weary Hunter stands below the glowing sign, his arms crossed and he somehow looks both concerned and amused, “Going for a fourth lap around the block?” My lips part as if I could form a response but I come up short, opting to shrug instead. “Care if I join you?” I nod and we walk side by side, allowing silence to settle between us.

“Thought you were asleep,” I break that silence. Better to get it out of the way now, I figure I know where this is going.

“Not with all that noise,” Hunter lets out a deep sigh, he must know he could just power the damn jukebox down and get some rest. “I don’t know how Omega does it, that kid can sleep through anything.”

“She’s exhausted,” I let out a sigh of my own, “We all are.”

“Cid’s focused in on this puffer pig client, that’ll buy us some time to regroup, rest up.”

“Good. That’s good.”

Hunter nods, the silence that follows is not as easy or relaxed as earlier. He breaks it first, “I’m assuming you know what I’m about to say.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s the plan?”

“Talk, I guess. Can’t not now, huh?”

“That’s your choice,” He stops walking, catching me off guard, I stop a few paces ahead and turn to face him, “Never thought I’d say it, but I’m with Cid. The happiest I’ve ever seen him is when he’s talking to you. I get the feeling the same goes for you.”

I bite the inside of my lip, suppressing the smile that threatens to light up my face. Not the time. I nod, crossing my arms, “It does.”

“Good,” He smiles this warm, genuine smile before his serious sergeant demeanor returns, “Don’t let it get in the way of the job.”

“Copy that.” I give him a mock salute, to which his head drops with a tired laugh before his ears perk up. I raise my eyebrows in question as he turns his head in the direction of the parlor.

“Music’s stopped,” Hunter takes a step forward, extending an arm to pat my shoulder before retreating. “Get some rest.”

“Thanks, Hunter.” I give a little wave and watch as he retreats to the now quiet bar down the dimly lit street.

I begin my walk back to the ship, my mind still racing but not nearly as catastrophically quick as before my chat with Hunter. He’s probably still asleep, and I’m not planning on going back to the ship to wake him up and talk about this. My best bet would be to shoot him a message, ask if we could talk when he wakes up. Word travels too fast with these guys and the last thing I want is Wrecker bragging to his brothers about how he put his money on Tech and won. When I reach for my datapad I find the pocket is empty. Of course. I pick up the pace, almost frantically trying to recall whether or not I locked the device in my hasty departure. Odds aren’t looking great, though.

I take my boots off at the bottom of the ramp and tip-toe up in bare feet. Two out of the three men aboard are light sleepers and the last thing I want is to wake them as if I’m some teen sneaking back home after a party. Quiet as a mouse droid, I make my way back to my bunk as Wrecker’s snores reverberate through the durasteel walls. I’m greeted by my helmet, tossed haphazardly next to my pillow, but no datapad. Uh-oh. I glance into Echo’s bunk and find him sleeping, but the bunk above his, Tech’s bunk, remains empty. You’ve gotta be kriffing kidding me. Back to my tip-toes, I make my way to the kitchenette first, also empty, then the cockpit. The control panel is dimmed and all of the seats turned forward, if it weren’t for the tell-tale glow of a datapad screen I’d have thought Tech had simply vanished.

Without a word I join him, only releasing a quiet sigh as I sit in the copilot’s seat. He doesn’t look up from the datapad, its screen displaying the evidence of my discovery in bold text. “I didn’t intend to include such personal files.”

“Yeah, I didn’t intend to listen.” He nods before handing me my device, our gazes still not meeting. I take a turn staring at the display, rereading the title of the file over and over as I continue, “I fell asleep listening to ‘Repairs and Maintenance’, woke up to this one.”

“I, again, must sincerely apologize for any discomfort this finding has brought you, I was not planning to tell you in such an impersonal manner.”

“How did you…” I trail off, he was fast asleep when I left, I never pegged him for the type to pretend to be asleep and his quiet snores sounded so real.

“Echo woke me up, it was shortly after you had left. He said you appeared to be in a state of shock, I found you’d left your datapad open on your bunk.”

“That checks out.” Now that I’m here with him I can almost find the humor in the situation, I even manage a quiet laugh, “I’m sorry I flipped out, I just wasn’t expecting to wake up to that, I guess.”

He finally turns to face me, “You have nothing to apologize for.” “Neither do you,” I retort, meeting his gaze with a smile. I can almost see his thought process before his mouth forms an ‘o’ shape as he realizes the meaning behind my words. I continue, regardless, I heard him spill his guts, it’s only fair I do the same for him, “I feel the same way, Tech. I have for a while. Come to think of it, maybe I always have. Your feelings didn’t scare me, the possibilities did.”

He cocks his head in question, “Possibilities?”

“I’m scared of our dynamic changing, I’m scared I’ll kriff it all up and lose you. I’m no good at this kind of stuff and the last thing I want is for our relationship to suffer because of me,” I ignore the tears beginning to form in my eyes, turning my attention back to the viewport. Tech’s gaze, however, remains locked on me.

A hand reaches out, resting gently on mine, his thumb ghosting across my shaking fingers, “My darling, the fact that you are willing to voice these fears should be evidence enough that you have nothing to worry about. You contain a level of emotional intelligence that will never cease to amaze me. Should you choose to act upon these feelings, I assure you, we will be just fine.”

My eyes meet his, I don’t notice a tear has fallen until he reaches his hand up to wipe it away. When he notices how I lean into his touch, he cradles my cheek ever so gently, and I shut my eyes to savor the feeling, letting a warm smile wash away my worried frown. I rest a still-shaky hand upon his, opening my eyes to meet his once again, “What do you say we figure it out together, then?”

“A wonderful idea, darling,” Tech closes the small distance between us, placing a kiss upon my forehead. I can feel his smile. “However, I’ll need to review my files before you continue your experiment.”

I pull back, a look of faux shock on my face, too giddy to feel the real thing right now, “You mean there’s more?”

“Frankly, an embarrassing amount, perhaps we will review them someday but I’ve taken the liberty of deleting the more… risque files from your library.”

I’m glad the door to the cockpit is closed, otherwise the volume of my laugh surely would’ve woken both Echo and Wrecker, “Risque?!”

“I would greatly appreciate it if you refrained from mocking me,” Tech sighs, the mirth in his tone evident.

“Maybe that can be the next experiment,” I laugh with a smirk.

“Mocking me does not sound like an experiment I would have any interest in partaking in, thank you very–” His mild offense fades away in realization, “Oh. An interesting experiment, indeed.”

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! As always, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated, I love hearing your feedback! Part two will be posted soon <3

[philosophicalparadox]

How would Mephisto seduce or Court a woman in this modern day and age?

Since he is archaic I imagine that he is suffering nowadays since the old ways don’t work on Gen Z Generation anymore.

Archaic, but flexible. And for that reason Japan is the absolute best place he could be for sexy times.

THIS IS A MONSTEROUSLY LONG POST I AM SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A NERRRRRD. ALSO SOME PRETTY DARK MATERIAL AHEAD! Can’t talk about a lawless, libertine devil doing courtship in Japan and not reveal some of the darker aspects of the culture as relates to that subject or how he would probably handle it, given his ancientness.

TL;DR: Mephisto is a lecherous creep in the absolute perfect country to be a lecherous creep in and you bet your bottom he takes full advantage of that; that being said, he would rather stay out of troublesome trouble with legal authorities and such, thank you. Too many people would have to die. :)

Honestly I think it really would depend on where he was or where the woman he us seducing is from

If he is seducing women in True Cross then has gonna have a whole other kind of time trying lol, cause of all the cultural mixing in it. I imagine the city culture of True Cross is pretty similar to someplace like Seoul, Singapore, or Hong Kong, those having much more diversity than city Tokyo. Parts of it might even resemble San Francisco's Japan Town, which is a mixed cultural oddball of...unique, nature. Given that that is the case, and that there's so much diverse religiosity there, I would wager Mephisto has to be damn careful of what he does with whom in order to not get in trouble culturally; offending one or two women wouldn't be so bad, but get enough of them talking and his reputability would tank..

He might be a God, but trouble with the law is no fun for anyone either, even if all he has to do is offer a great tip and send them on their merry way. It's still inconvenient and brings him into a realm of the public sphere he would rather not be in if he gets caught at it too many times. (Let that imply what it will). What's more he does rely somewhat on his reputation, and is very careful to groom that public image into one which makes him attractive and repulsive at the same time, to differing people.

All that said, I personally HC that Mephisto is the one saying no more often than the other way around; he is, after all, rich and influential, and a foreigner of sorts, (more on why those are specifically relevant later) and to those who know it a demon, and those who know more still, a God. Humans are a competitive species, and lord knows the lengths lesser men and women have gone to in search of the yoke that is Power. He may be flirtatious with his staff, (and students) but I doubt he would go out of his way to sleep with too many of them, since they might take that to presume he is their ladder to the top and try to step on him accordingly. Such arrogance would only be invited if it was for the sake of watching them fall from a great height while he cackled all the while at their misery.

- but for the sake of argument I'll assume he's trying to catch some tail in Japan from a Japanese woman first cause i get the feeling he's there for those reasons too.

This is gonna get LONG. I grew up with exchange students and I really wanted to live in Japan once upon a time, so have done massive cultural research for years. I promise it's relevant to your hypothetical question...mostly. More under the cut so this doesn’t overtake the dashboard:

Now, Meph is doubtlessly on top of modern courting methods; he needs to be, for a variety of reasons, among them keeping tabs on Rin and Yukio since he is their guardian. Which is particularly important, because compared to western ideas of Courtship (Formal Dating) or just "Dating", Japan's cultural expectations are...well kinda outdated, to be honest. "Traditional" is a word I would use. This works out great for Mephisto in some respects, but not in others. You'll see what I mean.

For the sake of context, "Courtship" in either formal or informal form in Japan between two individuals is extremely private, and therefore quite variable, actually, once you get to the bedrooms - but you have to actually get to the bedrooms first. The basic steps to this for most people, even in modern day Japan, are "guy asks girl to hang out in public a few times, girl asks guy to hang out at her house with parents chaperoning, girl goes to guys house with his parents chaperoning, if parents of girl approve of guy they're allowed to be alone sometimes and if parents of guy approve of girl they miiiiight let her stay the night." Of course young couples don't always follow this guideline, especially in more diversified areas of Tokyo, but it's the culturally expected one. (And there's a ton more nuance to it that I'm not even gonna cover. I am aware this model is still especially prevalent in most of Asia but it feels....different, in Japan. Its hard to describe why it feels different, but it does. Its the little things.)

But when it comes to seduction, you can't really go wrong with the classics, and him being an out and out foreigner means A) he is pretty much never going to win the (formal) courtship game unless he outright pays off the parents, who can stay involved in this process for their most their daughters life, and B) he gets special privileges when it comes to seducing women and men alike. :)

Why? Because Japanese people don't outright expect foreigners to know "the rules" and sometimes actively count on them being broken. For instance, it's technically against "the rules" to jump right to Guy Invites Girl to His Mansion...but he's not Japanese, so this wouldn't be regarded as sleazy the same way as if he was. :) bet your ass he uses his Gaijin status to its fullest benefit with that kind of shit.

What's more, Meph has Power and Money and that warrants some rule breaking in its own right. ;]

Now, to the part of this discussion i was avoiding: Mephisto would have literally the easiest time ever " "seducing" " a typical japanese woman, because, and I quote, Japanese women "don't say no" - in quotes because obviously they do, but they're conditioned not to, (and men are conditioned not to listen) culturally, and though that's changing, (thank god) the change has been slow and only really seen in upscale urban areas where there's more population power and the court of public opinion has the ability to punch well above its weight, for good or ill. Rape is one of the most commonly committed , most commonly under- addressed crime in Japan for a reason. With that in mind, and acknowledging that our dear clown man has no fixated moral compass to speak of, I leave the definition of his "Seduction" up to your interpretation there.

I also want to point out that Women especially "dont say no" to men with money and power who their parents " really like" - though they might have more bargaining power against a foreigner, traditionally, all that becomes rather moot in the face of Principle and Profit. It is nowhere NEAR as common as it used to be, but there are still men out there who are willing to "sell" their daughters to wealthy men in the hopes they can get a quick buck from it, or use it as extorsion by working the public opinion against the guy (in this case Meph) to defame him. Sex and politics; and no doubt dear Meph gets caught up in the sway of all of that, being a businessman and a "gentleman" with a bad habit of swooning the ladies.

He's a "traditionalist" all right. And why wouldn't he be? This is how it's worked for most of human history, why stop now? Humans are, after all, more like playthings to him, animals, than autonomous beings. They want to play medieval politics? Pffft, he's been doing this for millennia, and he knows how to rig the game in his favor - so what if she isn't the most willing participant? Just means he has to up his Game and get her to change her mind...or not, either way, the deal has to happen, and the Devil will always take what he is owed, one way or another. The fact it is not necessarily something he will be directly implicated for if it does go pear shaped is just a bonus of where he has set up camp; reports against high ranking officials or very wealthy men are vanishingly rare, in a country where reports are themselves uncommon.

So getting into bed with a Japanese woman would be a piece of cake for him. Maybe too much of a piece of cake sometimes...

However, moving away from such a dark subject for the moment, one of the benefits of the fact intimacy is so insanely private is that Japan, culturally, doesn't have a lot of sexual taboos, with the exception of anything exhibition-y, because again, sex and intimacy are supposed to be private things. Sex shops are freaking everywhere in (urban) Japan, hiding in some of the most unexpected places. You want kinky? You can find a place in the Tokyo area for sure that sells it in every conceivable flavor, including many that westerners consider outright wrong or strange. The sky is the limit, so on the off chance he should encounter someone with more exacting tastes, there's nothing cultural-taboo wise to really be stopping them from having a good time. :)

Of course personal opinions vary, but (somewhat ironically) the general Japanese view is that if you aren't bothering anyone else with it, then it's fine/ alright. If, however, you are disturbing your neighbor or otherwise making it a public problem, you can be in some cases fined or even arrested for causing a disturbance.

Sooooooooo with that I hope I’ve nerded you out enough. :)

[leehsngs]

question, i personally don’t read or follow anyone that writes about niki sexually ( im just not big on reading about any idols sexually ) but i do find him very attractive. As someone who is exactly his age (literally born less then a month before him) what would be the difference between him and let’s say someone i see on a dating app or pass in the halls of college that make me think to myself “yeah they are hot, i would sleep with them” idk if that makes sense? like i don’t sexualize him (or anyone) but what would himbeing a “fresh adult” have to do with anything if i am also a “fresh adult”

again this not me wanting to have a reason to read that type of stuff or sexualize him, i’m just genuinely curious about just the age part.

this is a good question honestly. i’ll try to answer it as best is i can with my knowledge and logic.

let me put it into perspective. the legal age in korea is 19, correct? (and this is by adulthood, not by consent). he just turned 19 not that long ago which means he was a minor before and while i do understand that he’s an adult now, it’s a weird thing to see so much mature work written for him when not even a month ago, he wasn’t at the age for it.

now say you (only as an example in a type of “put yourself in his shoes” situation) were 17 just turned 18 and now everyone and their mother are writing sexually explicit things about you. that would make you feel pretty weirded out and disgusted, right?

now for the difference between him and someone on a dating app is that the one of the dating app is fully consented to it (this is just an assumption, i’ve never been on a dating app so i don’t know 😭🤚🏻). i can’t think or speak for riki so i couldn’t tell you how he would feel about it, but the general consensus of what he might think is “what the flip??” and that’s just based off assumption. not truth, he for sure didn’t tell me this.

i’m not trying to control what people do when it comes to him, i can’t stop that. if they want to, despite how weird it is, then go off i suppose. i can control if i want to see it and i don’t which is why i said it’d be an immediate block.

but also! if you find him attractive then that’s okay! it’s not a bad thing to find someone attractive, it’s a personal preference for everyone. finding someone attractive is so different than seeing them sexually, you know what i mean?

if this made any sense to you at all then thank gawd and if not then i’m so sorry 😭🙏🏻

[crushingcasanova]

Hi there :) I’m so sorry for my late response , things have been pretty freakin hectic .. i am here now , don’t worry :)

listening to you talk about theatre is so … mesmerizing. i love listening to people in general but .. its just so fun listening to you talking about that knowing how deeply you care about it. how its part of your life. im just sorta enamored（≧∇≦）

i agree , i absolutely adore fine arts. i just can’t get into anything else. its so awesome that you make jewelry!! ive been trying to get fully into it , but i cant seem to find the exact beads i need. but trust when i do .. its gonna be awesome. i do a lot of arts and crafts , and I really adore coloring. ive tried drawing but .. im so terrible , and i just hate being bad at things.

i definitely would say that i love people’s flaws .. usually those things are my favorite things about them ^^ but at the same time , i tend to get myself into bad relationships , then stay because “i can fix it! we will be fine and in love because ill help them!!” i bet you can guess how that turns out .. </3 i also agree that in most situations .. i don’t like to reach out , even if in my heart I do want to. i get nervous , and at times feel like if I didn’t reach out , no one would talk to me .. so i self isolate. im glad that im welcome here .. even if im kinda jsut like , a random person that doesn’t matter and is just yapping … </3

ughhh repurposing is so nice and so fun .. it makes you feel like you’re worth something , yk , giving an old piece a new home. its so rewarding. thrifting and antiquing is always rewarding , because almost every time i go , i find something. i almost never leave one of those stores empty handed .. (im also a shopaholic so ..) but its awesome that you do resin work !! is that calming ??

thank you so much for your kind words , i did get a good amount of sleep last night <333333 i have a few questions :)

what’s your fashion sense?

do you have any pets?

that’s it. thank you so much for letting me be here , hun !!

-🎭

Hello Cheshire <3 I quite missed you, so I was really happy to see you in my inbox again! I hope you've been well, dearie :) I know you mentioned it was hectic, so I hope you get a moment to relax!

I'm very honored that you like to hear me talk about theater! It's one of my biggest passions, honestly, because I adore being on the stage. I'd love to hear some of your favorite musical takes too, if you ever would like to share. I've always been into deep analysis, and I've done a lot for the Phantom and the Great Gatsby in particular :) I was lucky enough to see these before they closed, too, so I like to comment on the staging and the acting from the amazing actors who played my favorites. It also is a big inspiration for a lot of my writing, like this Great Gatsby one I did a while back about the beauty of Gatsby's obsession :) I hope you get those beads soon! I just started working with beaded jewelry a while back, and I make these kind of big pieces for some of my friends. I gifted my beloved a set inspired by them a while back and mailed it to them, and I'm planning to make some for my friends this year. I am sure you're not as bad at drawing as you say, but I think I completely understand the thought behind it. That's why I'm not really a fan of math, since I can never get better at it ... but I'm trying :) coloring is fun too, though! I completely understand self isolation, I used to be like that but I've changed a lot :) my beloved really stressed the importance of communication and taught me how to be more vulnerable and open up, but it's been an uphill battle. I don't think you're a random person who doesn't matter, dear! You bring a smile to my face with your messages, and it means a lot to know you care enough to talk to me too :) I agree with repurposing things :D It is lovely to give them their own home, I agree. It's kind of cute that you think of it like that :) I also am a bit of a shopaholic too, but I'm quite picky, so I usually leave empty handed. My resin work is quite fun! I would say it's a bit relaxing, but only at certain points in the process. The designing and the unmolding is fun, but not the pouring, because it starts to solidify quickly. You have to work quickly and then let it cure overnight if it's not UV resin. It can get a bit stressful As for your questions:

My fashion style is very cutesy, I'd say! A lot of skirts and sweaters, I usually don't wear jeans or other forms of pants very much to be honest. I wear a lot of pinks, blacks, purples, etc. I also am a big jewelry wearer, so I have a lot of that, and I usually am kind of maximalist when it comes to outfits. I also always have cute matching purses when possible :) I used to be a bit more like, hot topic emo style when I was younger, and I still shop there, but definitely less. I also wear a lot of dresses! I'm very hyperfeminine, I'd say, at least fashion wise. I think there are some pics somewhere on this blog, that I did for a follower special, or maybe some in love letter? Not sure! How do you like to dress?

I also do have a pet! I have a little black dog named stella :) she's a little cute miniature schnauzer mix! Do you have any pets, dear?

I hope this finds you well! I was so excited to answer this, sorry it took me a minute! Definitely took me a while to yap ^^;

[mainstoryarchive]

Underachievers - 1: Sleeper

Aira: —wake up.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: Meeting room, StarPro

Early summer, a certain room in the Ensemble Square

Aira: —wake up.

Hey, wake up already…

Hiiro: …!?

Aira: Nhya!?

Hiiro: …? …?

Where… am I? Who are…?

Are you… an idol?

…No, that's wrong. You aren’t.

Aira: What? I hate to break it to you but I am an idol for what it’s worth…

Are you still half-asleep? You were sleeping so peacefully, I’m sorry I woke you up…?

But… Look here, at my arm. You’ve been clasping it like a vise for a while and it really hurts, you know?

If you want to boast your grip power that's fine and all, but I'll be troubled if it leaves a mark so can you let go already?

Hiiro: ? Ah! I’ve been a bother!

I’m so very sorry! However I did not have the intent to hurt you! Let me offer you my deepest apologies!

Aira: Haha. You kinda talk like a person from history books. Ra-vely♪

Hiiro: Rafh​…? I apologize if my actions have displeased you. Though I have referenced some of the relevant literature,​ I am still unaware of what constitutes as general knowledge in the city.

Aira: It’s not so bad that you have to apologize for it. No need to worry♪

More importantly, won't you let go already?

Hiiro: I apologize for making you repeat yourself again and again.

…You seem quite delicate, are you eating properly?

Aira: Hm? I am quite the picky eater, but I also make sure to choose what to eat to keep my body in perfect condition.

At any rate, I properly eat three meals a day.

Hiiro: I see, that's great! You can't survive without eating. This is common sense in the city as well. Fuhahaha♪

Aira: (Hm, what's with this guy​…? He's so weird! Though the fact that he's here means that he's probably also an idol.)

(I haven't seen him around here before, is he new? I've been keeping a check on idol shows and information sites all around, but I'm pretty sure I don't know him…)

(Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's just a lost stranger who wandered in here…)

(I mean, I did hear him mumble something horrifying, something an idol wouldn't ever say in his sleep. )

("I will kill idols", "I swear to crush idols” or the like. ​Hmm, I wonder what he was dreaming of. )

(I somehow can't help but be curious. It does seem like what I'm saying is getting through to him, so maybe I should just ask him directly.)

Hey, you-

Hiiro: Ah! I've forgotten to introduce myself! I am Amagi Hiiro. Amagi being my family name and Hiiro my own.

What is your name? Hehe, it has been impolite of me to speak without introducing myself.

Aira: Eh? Umm… ​I'm Shiratori Aira, I don't really get what's going on but, nice to meet you.

Hiiro: Yes! So your name is Shiratori Aira, I've got it memorized! It's a beautiful name!

Our meeting here couldn't have been just by chance. . I'd love to become friends with you♪

Aira: Huh? F-friends? Uh, it's not like I don't want to but​… Why ?

Hiiro: …Is that a no?

Aira: Uhhh, no, it's not that I won't, I just don't get why so suddenly! We only just met! I just have to wonder why you 're trying to get closer to me so readily.

C-could you be… one of my fans?

Hiiro: ? No, it's just that I believe friends are more important than anything else! It's better to have a lot of treasures. Don't you think so too, Aira?

Aira: Ah, and now you’re suddenly using my first name, no honorifics… Well, not like I really mind that.

I understand you came from the countryside, but over-familiar acts like that will get you hated in the city.

Being told "you can’t read the room", or the like. ​Isn't that exactly why you were also told to come here? I think people found you annoying… probably.

Hiiro: ? I do not follow your line of thought. I’d like you to explain in detail.

Aira: Well, I’m not sure either, I only saw some rumors on the internet​​​… But if I end up wrong I'll feel like an idiot and if it ends up true then that’d just be sad.

Because if I put those thoughts into words it feels like it really will come true.

Hiiro: Hm. If you say something, it'll come true? Is that how it works in the city?

Then I'll say this loudly: you and I are friends…☆

Aira: Stop, stop. We aren't friends, we are still just strangers who only introduced themselves to each other!

Jeez… What's with this? Talking with you makes me tired…

Hiiro: I’m told that so often! I wonder why. I’m intending to speak normally!

Be that as it may, are you really declining no matter what​, Aira? Will you really not become friends with me? Is there not even a one percent chance you will?

Ah, I'm so sad! I can feel my heart breaking!

Aira: Ah, jeez. Annoying! I get it already, I'll become friends with you so! Stop trying to get closer, aren't you way too heated?!

Hiiro: I see! So you will become my friend. I feel honored as well as blessed at the same time!

Ah, Aira, my dear friend! Let us get along well!

Please crush idols with me, you and I, as friends.

[ ☆ ]

← prev ❖ all ❖ next →

[lovelymindescape]

Hi, this is for our LOTR matchup trade!

I’m Tori, a 20 year old autistic girl (pronouns she/her) who would prefer a ship with a man. Also, I tend to prefer the humans in middle earth (so like Aragorn, Faramir, Boromir and Eomer) so if you could kindly ship me with one of them specifically I’d be very grateful.

I’m really short, only like 4’ 10” (142 cm) with wild, long and wavy auburn hair and really light blue eyes. I’m slender but very toned, and I also wear glasses. I'm pretty neutral about both my appearance and myself in general and I don't think I genuinely hate anything about myself. I'm generally neutral about most things actually. I have chronic joint pain all over, scoliosis and some other illnesses but I stay very active regardless. I’m really polite and try my hardest to be nice to everyone, but if you cross me or give me a bad vibe I can be a little cold and aloof. I’m a tad awkward, but I’ve been told I can be charming and I’m really good at making others laugh with witty comments. I tell amazing stories because I've had a lot of experience with different things during my life. I’m very generous and don’t mind helping others or doing nice things for them. I’m also extremely energetic and always have to be doing something, to the point where I’m honestly not sure I really know how to rest. My friends say I give really good advice and am very wise, and also that I have warm, inviting energy. I could lowkey befriend anyone if I really tried. Though I'm also very sensitive and don't enjoy being teased too much, so I don't tease people much either. I hate seeing people, or really anything, upset.

Where I really shine is with my large number of hobbies and interests. Because I always like to keep busy, I have a lot of different activities and side gigs to keep me occupied. In Middle Earth, I’d probably be some sort of ranger who picks up a bunch of odd jobs here and there. I currently work as a librarian but my other hobbies include:

🦉 Falconry & befriending crows

🦉 Caring for horses (I've always been a horse girl lol)

🦉 Cheesemaking, Cooking and Baking

🦉 Gardening and Plant Identification

🦉 Writing, Journaling and Drawing

🦉 Sewing

And a couple other things. I’m generally a very skilled, knowledgeable person and I’m very proud of it. I love being outside and can’t stand being cooped up indoors for too long. However, I do enjoy having somewhere nice to return to when I get tired from being outside all day.

Alright, I think that’s about it! Thank you so so much, take care of yourself and drink lots of water!

Hey , i'm so so so so sorry it took so long , but i had stress the last days and forgot about it <3 anymore i hope you like this

I ship you with

ARAGORN

your both rangers so that works

you probably met while you both were roaming around middelearth

you had the same route for awhile so you stayed together

you parted the work you had like , you would cook while he looked out for possible danger , then you would eat and you both switch

he soon was considerate to your illnesses and would have respect for what you do even with this

he would love that you are neutral about most things cause he kinda don't likes people who are

before you'd go to bed you would tell eachother stories

he would make you rest even if you don't want to

when decisions would get make he would ask you before anyone else

the confession was very blunt but calm while you to were heading to the next stop to sleep

it's basically the same afterwards but with more romance <3

he would be impressed by how much hobbies you had and always ask if he could help somehow

if your being to nice to someone , who doesn't is very nice , he would step in

he throw compliements and i love you's at the most random times

all in all it's a loving, protecting and supportive relationship

It's a bit short i know , i hope you liked it

[allamericanb-tch]

art heist, baby! thoughts (1)

doing this for every fic i read apparently. did i read half of this in one sitting? yes. will i finish the rest of it tonight? also probably yes.

chapter 1

i am So Excited To Read This

james! ahhhh

remus! ahhhh

remus being a bowie fan in every AU 

james just being james 

wait is james going to steal art because he’s Broke ?! i’m here for it honestly

ooooh is it regulus

or sirius

brazil mention!

oh! money laundering!

IT IS REGULUS!! AHHH!!!

not james already falling for regulus you haven’t even MET the man you spoke on the phone BRIEFLY this is so james of james to do. james jameses like no other

chapter 2

remus 😭😭 i mean valid. james is being very. james. 

“You’re going to get murdered and wind up on some true-crime podcast” that’s the dream isn’t it

“and not because he didn’t know how to parallel park.” REAL does anyone actually know how to parallel park

is sirius the Other Man

james being In Love with regulus ALREADY still 

he got the job! was there ever any doubt

ahhh i wonder who’s on their “team”

EVAN!!!!!

barty mention!

james. dear sweet james. 

evan is so real. 

i’m sorry the old james can’t come to the phone right now. why? oh! cause he’s dead!

appreciation for these end notes

“Regulus: Do this art heist with me or I will kill you and not feel bad abt it at all

James: You're so lovely. So pretty. So beautiful.”

chapter 3

new hampshire ?! (🎶i’m mean because i grew up in new england🎶) (sincere apologies to the amount of times i break into song in my ‘[fanfic] thoughts’ things i genuinely cannot help myself i’m a stereotypical choir kid and a former theater kid)

no way james is just gonna abandon remus. he doesn’t have it in him.

ok remus (?)

GRANT MENTION!!!!!!

THE DRIVER IS NAMED KREACHER 😭

REMUS?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE this is hilarious

lily!!!!!!!! i would know that red hair anywhere

“James was panicking. Why was everyone so hot?” this is the best line that has ever and will ever be written

marlene!!!

james is so lovestruck (🎶got lovestruck went straight to my head got lovesick all over my bed🎶)

“Alright, so what have you two been in jail for,” i’m in love with you marlene mckinnon

remus and marlene 

PETER i lowkey forgot about peter

“James wasn’t sure what he thought of Regulus other than that he felt general splendour whenever they made eye contact.”

chapter 4

the summary: “James just stares at Regulus, like a lot. Like A LOT a lot.”

remus not being able to sleep on planes is so real

i love new england so much (i have never been) 

“No relationships were permitted among group members. Absolutely no sex either.” yeah there’s no way this rule will be broken. nope.

“Remus believed it to be a cardinal sin to write in the margins of books and kept a separate journal to document his thoughts while reading.” remus it’s okay to be wrong sometimes

THEYRE LEARNING AMERICAN ACCENTS 😭😭

“Remus was already teasing him mercilessly claiming he had the ‘hots for teacher’” i love remus

james being a little exhibitionist

james 😭😭

the art history is art historying

the jegulus is jegulusing

i was gonna stop here but the end notes say we get sirius in the next chapter so now i HAVE to read it

chapter 5

oh hanky panky in this chapter ?!

frank!!!

omg are they detectives ahhhh enemies to lovers wolfstar ?!

PANDORA!!!! 

wolfstar?! wolfstar.

ahhhhhhhhhh (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

moony!

oh, remus.

peter being a helpful icon

chapter 6

everyone helping james pick an outfit for his ‘date’ ahhhh

“you do look nice” AHHHH

regulus likes oranges!!!!!!! he’s just like me fr

REGULUS BEING A CHILDHOOD DIRECTIONER HELP

james would like harry best

their favorite colors being red and green <3

of course regulus would like that painting

james: “i would steal that painting for you”

regulus just. forgetting he’s driving.

the jegulus is jegulusing

 chapter 7

“It’s not even cooking, you literally had to put the bread in the toaster and remember to pull it out,” Remus fumed again. 

“Your father should’ve remembered to pull it out.”

james being a teachers pet 

eeeee wolfstar 

they’re both david bowie fans AS THEY SHOULD BE

oh no 😟 

peter and james being lifesavers 

eeeee they’re throwing a party

“I want a nice house, a house with a family and enough money for that house to be on the tropical beach somewhere. I want enough money so that nothing will go wrong that can’t be fixed.” peter’s just like me fr

them bonding >>>

dorlene!

JAMES WHAT ARE YOU DOING

not james ratting everyone out to regulus

eeeeee jegulus

KISS GUYS COME ON

chapter 8

sirius!

sirius is down bad

i love fralice

sirius making The Joke will never not be funny

their date <3

pandora! 

REGULUS ?! what are you doing here babe

REGULUS STOLE SIRIUS’ FAVORITE PAINTING OMG

oooh they’re arguing

SIRIUS GOT SHOT?!

gasp

chapter 9

i like that the chapters are short

“nothing much, just 1.2 million” yeah regulus that’s nothing…

ooooh dorlene i love them

regulus just drowning the bathroom

the painting 

jegulus ❤️‍🩹

THEYRE HUGGING

“Oh, James thought. So this is what he was supposed to do. This is what his arms were made for, to hold Regulus Black for as long as he wanted. Until the last day. Until forever.”

a hug from james fleabag potter would solve all of my problems

chapter 10

barty calling everyone criminals and common whores

guns this is so america core 

“mary mary quite contrary” mention

i love barty and evan so much 

oh my god. did james make regulus orange muffins AHHHHH i love james so much omg 

ahhhh jegulus 

pinky promise ❤️‍🩹

ok i need to read another. i would not be surprised if i read this all in one sitting. 

chapter 11

sirius pov! 

their childhood ☹️

wolfstar ❤️‍🩹

not remus reading anna karenina 😭

😧

remus just. lying. to regulus

i love james. 

nooo he and sirius have to be sneaky now ☹️

oh no remus and james are fighting ☹️

ok they aren’t fighting anymore.

james potter, defender of love and lovers everywhere. 

chapter 12

another short chapter! i actually love short chapters so much

this fic is lowkey making me want to steal art

james and peter passing notes i love them

oh my 😭

chapter 13

will this be the chapter james and regulus kiss (pleaseeee)

ahhhhh their date

james can’t ride a bike 😭

minor spelling mistake 🤬

james and regulus bonding

ahhhh jegulus is jegulusing

LUCIUS?! boooo get outta here

the paddle

ahhh i’m nervous for the auction

ahhh regulus not moving his hand 

they’re flirting 

aghhhhh they need to kiss

chapter 14

wolfstar is so illicit affairs

ahhhhhhhh (!!!!!!!!!)

yeah sirius would have a motorcycle tattoo

chapter 15

HANKY PANKY IN THIS CHAPTER?! PLEASE LET IT BE JEGULUS OH MY GOD

guys my heart is beating omg

omg they’re painting each other that’s so cute 

brazil mention! i love brazil 

THEYRE KISSING!!!!!!!! 

oh. 

oh!!!

AHHHH!!!!!!!

giggling my feet so hard rn 

chapter 16

jegulus is JEGULUSING 

guys does this fic actually get sad or

because i’m almost halfway done and i have not felt one emotion other than HAPPINESS

regulus ☹️

oh no lily what’s happening

remus ?!

regulus being jealous of lily 😭 please sweetie lily is very obviously a lesbian and i love her and MARYLILY

regulus being a donna tartt lover

chapter 17

i’m getting nervous (hamilton ref ?!)

what is regulus yapping about

oh ?!

a coffee shop ?! the wolfstar coffee shop perchance ?!

so it seems

oh me oh my

oh ?!

WHAT 

oh. my. god. 

trojan horse ?!

ok yeah

guys i’m scared 

chapter 18

remus ?!

guys i’m scared 

ahh

evan 😭

nooooo why is this not only happiness anymore

regulus just being a hypocrite 

oh me oh my

the lack of question marks in this dialogue is absolutely heinous but i’m willing to look past it because this fic is so good

marlene 😭😭

“Then, the sun peaked above the horizon and the tea went cold and Regulus was alone.” ☹️☹️

i can’t do this anymore i need a break and it isn’t even getting BAD yet

[awesomeferret10]

Hello party people. I am very sleep deprived. And me and a friend were discussing moths like 30 seconds ago. And how they get a bad rap. And it made me emotional and sad. And I’m pretty sure he fell asleep. So now tumblr gets to hear about it. So sorry to all the people who follow me for Smosh. UR GONNA HEAR ABOUT HORNWORMS. (Btw trigger warning for bugs if they gross you out)

Fucking. Y’all. Why is the general populous not aware of hornworms. And what they become. And how perfect they are. They’re my perfect little guys.

I have a bearded dragon so we keep hornworms to feed them. And they’re so nifty in the larval stage. And then the pupa stage they have this cool little adaption. THEN WHEN THEY BECOME MOTHS?? OH MY GOD

I don’t have any in the house rn otherwise I’d get you guys a photo of a big ole chunky boi because I swear to you Google does not do hornworms justice they can get so bright and big.

LOOK AT IT. GAZE UPON IT.

THEY’RE SO PRETTY AND CHUNKY AND THAT HORN AT THE TOP OF THEIR HEAD (which is actually soft and not a horn lol) CAN GET REALLY BIG AND BRIGHT ORANGE!!!

AND THEN. AND THEN. HAVE YOU EVER WITNESSED THE PUPA VERSION OF THESE FELLAS?

THEY KEEP! THE LITTLE HORN!!! (I think I’m too lazy to google but I’ve seen other moth chrysalis and haven’t ever seen ones besides hornworms with the hook)

AND THE BEST BIT? IT HOOKS OVER PLANTS!! INSTEAD OF USING A CREMASTER THEY JUST HOOK RIGHT ON THERE!!! Google doesn’t have any photos of it so maybe it’s just the ones in my garden that do it but I’ve had multiple that we’ve found hooked over plants like that and it’s super cool but I legit can’t find any photos I know I had to have taken at some point and it’s driving me insane. I think they can also bury themselves from what I’ve heard about farming them so maybe that’s the primary method but idk I swear to god the ones in my yard are usually hooked around the underside of leaves. Can you tell I’m too tired to Google/fact check and I will just be spewing whatever delusions I’ve lived with since I first discovered they existed years ago.

NOW. NOW IVE SAVED THE BEST BIT FOR LAST. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE MATURE MOTH VERSION OF A HORNWORM IS???

ITS THIS. AND ITS CALLED A HUMMINGBIRD HAWK MOTH. LOOK AT IT. I LOVE MIMICRY. AND NATURE. AND THEM. AND NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE KNOW THEY EXIST. LOOK AT THEM IM CRYING THEY’RE PERFECT.

LOOK HOW SKILLED THEY ARE AND THEY REALLY LIKE THE BEE BALM IN MY YARD AND THEYRE JUST SO COOL.

[bvannn]

Weekly Update January 5, 2024

I’m still recovering slowly. I never mentioned this because I want to be as vague as I can about my big congenital medical issue, but the surgery last week removed some tissue that affects my endocrine system, and now that it’s gone I’m having some problems with my mood. I have a medicine that corrects it, but I need to wait another week and a half to get my dosage adjusted, so all next week I’m going to be volatile which sucks. Stomach has seemingly gotten better though so hopefully that pain was just caused by those cysts and nothing else was wrong. Sorry if I ramble on a bit too much tonight, I am loopy because of the endocrine stuff so I might go on too long. Anyway artstuffs.

I got a music project done. It was for Mav, and it was pretty small but I stayed up all night working on it. Working on it I discovered a big set of plugins that I got somewhere that look to be automatically doing some of that balancing I was worried about. I still need to double check what exactly it can do, since I’d like a widener plugin, but I don’t want to stack my brain over it if I already have one. I have a few ideas floating around for the next song thing, I’m a bit hesitant on continuing that vocal one I haven’t finished because I watched a bunch of videos today in the bad lyrics of the Wish soundtrack, and the lady kept bringing up cadence and pentameter which are concepts I know about but can’t hear. Like, pentameter is supposed to be the natural inflection a syllable has, but like whenever I hear it, I just hear the inflection of the vocalist. I think I’m overthinking it, since she used a writing scheme to explain it and I think the vocaloid software uses that same writing scheme so maybe I can learn through practice? Or I can just write lyrics that match the melody and call it good as long as the flow sounds natural because of subconscious understanding, like how I figured out how to do harmonies. Whatever. Music theory is hard but my stupid will and brute force is harder.

Other instrumental things I’ve been kinda thinking about include a little Zelda medley that I already recorded the melodies and stuff for, instrumental themes for my OCs because of course. And then I kinda want to just do a big fat medley that goes on for like an hour-ish because I love those kinds of medleys they’re great for car rides and stuff. And the final two I’m thinking about would be for animation memes: either an arcade beat-em-up style boss fight sounding theme, or a cover of a 90s pop-punk-rock (idk what genre) song. I think that one would be cool because I could use it as promotional stuff for a comic.

Oh yeah that O’Malley comic! I actually did good thumbnail work on that this week! I was going to do more today but mood and sleep schedule were wonky, plus I had a meeting this morning, so good chance I’ll put it off until tomorrow. But either way, chipping away at it, trying to watch more movies so I can get better at understanding shot comp, watched Kill Bill part 1 last night and wasn’t expecting it to be like, the best fucking movie ever? Like why does everyone talk about it like ‘eh it’s pretty good’ like no that shit was *Phenomenal*! Hoping part 2 lives up to the first, planning to watch it maybe tomorrow night? Definitely before I go back to uni. Anyway pitch comic is coming along nice, after it’s drawn I can either work on the rest of that story or a pitch for the secondary story I’ve been working on, depending on demand. Right now leaning towards series, since I have general synopsies for a couple more general ‘episodes’.

Also only done like one general drawing for comsheet practice hehehe it’s fine I can try others as time comes and is appropriate. Also did epithet stuff but not as much as I’d like. My original plan tonight was to work on TTRPG stuff but maybe I’ll do writing or thumbnailing instead. Or maybe both.

TRGA: got shot 1-4 done enough. Also got Jon tweened for 1-5. I need to clean him up and do his face and stuff. Tonight maybe if I’m having trouble focusing on the other stuff I’ll clean him up, I think I want to go back to that ‘one significant development a day’ schedule I was on for a bit, but pushed a bit further since I have better strategies now. I’ve also started the ‘every time I sit down and open clip studio I’m going to draw one (1) prop’ strategy so hopefully props won’t be as bad in the future either (even the ones I can’t just recycle). Tomorrow if I’m doing better I’ll try to get 1-5 Jon’s face done (and clean him up too if I don’t tonight) and maybe do another drawing. Maybe more epithet TTRPG stuff maybe not.

I’m trying to get my priorities back in order. 1) TRGA 2) Comic work 3) fix your commissions 4) other projects. Inspiration is fickle though so I’m really all over the place. My mood being volatilized is also not helping but I’ll keep going until my brain explodes. For now I’m able to plan out enough with time for sleep and stuff. I don’t know what’s exactly going to happen when classes start but I am taking *fewer* credits than normal so theoretically that means more time.