#also budget but that’s another thing
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Speaking of scott summers I do genuinely believe that part of the reason the xmen movies have yet to adapt the more cosmic/shiar stuff is because that would mean adapting corsair which would mean focusing on Scott’s backstory. And they don’t care enough about Scott to do that.
#also budget but that’s another thing#it’s kind of crazy that we’ve done dark phoenix twice and we’ve done the shiar.
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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Ep 6!!!
#Biggest take away from the episode: @fandom Dazai can't be Atsushi's father figure if he himself says Atsushi's father figure is the–#headmaster check your facts#Second biggest take away from the episode: the worst thing the headmaster transmitted Atsushi ought to be the terrible haircut choices#Mmmmhhh I could spend another whole tag rant to talk about how much I dislike the writing of Lucy in this episode 😭😭😭#But I worry I'll start being perceived as someone who hates women if I do so I won't.#(But let me just say. I really really *really* despite the “what women [alien and mysterious beings] want is hard to understand and–#impossible to decipher and more often than not they will say the exact opposite of what they mean” stereotype.#Like I hate it to an intimate extent.)#I quite like Kyouka's backstory!! I feel like she's the most fleshed out female character with a compelling character arc and personality.#I really like her. Lucy and Atsushi working as make-do parents (very largerly intended. More like siblings who are dating but that sounds–#even worse) was very cute. And I appreciate how the events seemed to set off Atsushi's own reflection on parenthood.#The same doesn't happen in the manga since the chapters are placed in a different order.#Overall this is just an episode that when I was reading the manga for the first time solidified my understanding that me and b/sd have#RADICALLY different views on the world. But now that after three years and having long come to terms with it.#I suppose it's just something that's there.#Ususal notes about the animation just for talks. The lack of budget really shows this episode and in the second half in particular.#It's especially noticeable in backgrounds that are just... Not the stunning backgrounds that usually make b/sd's anime strong point.#So in turn the lack of details comes off as twice as evident as it normally would :/#The whole Atsushi / Tanizaki exchange at the start of the chapter until the headmaster's identity is revealed is completely devoid–#of host which has me just?? What happened here??? A track slowly building up tension is an almost automatic choice I'm just like.#What happened. If it was a deliberate choice it was a very bad one in my humble opinion#On a more positive note I really like whoever drew the characters “background appearence” this episode eheh#(you know‚ the more stylized one when they're not on close up)#And the drawings at the end of the episode daz/atsu twilight scene were good. Kyouka's flashback was also good.#That's it :)#random rambles#Oh yeah rip chapter 39 ss/kk scene ig :///
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watched berserk (97) on a whim after reading someone's tags on a writing advice post on how to justify Big Fucking Swords in stories. have started reading the manga. there's a lot of triggering visuals to me so i imagine this is what it's like to be lactose intolerant and decide to eat so so so much ice cream
#IM SURE ILL BE FINE... maybe it'll even be good exposure therapy to me#i mean the level of gore is not worse than unsounded#but the art style - while technically rly impressive and good - DOES hit that uncanny valley horror style#and the anime had too low of a budget to animate much more than blood spray ahaha#the anime works SO WELL as a self contained tragedy damn#sure yes the ending was very abrupt and that episode fucked me up a little but that doesn't make it bad hahaha#only thing i knew about berserk beforehand is that there's a guy named guts who has a sword and is super enemies with the most beautiful ma#who's also super mega evil even if he has very pretty hair#thankfully there was another blonde twink for me to imprint on AND he throws knives so this is great#but truly. what if all you knew were to be a sword#what if the only way you knew how to love someone was as a sword#what if your sword decided to be a person after all. to be your equal. to be loved better#WHAT DO YOU MEAN BAD THINGS HAPPEN IN THE BAD THINGS HAPPENING ANIME.#what if your sunken cost is actually a literal mountain of corpses.#haiz reads berserk
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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I'm sure other queer people will relate, but I always get apprehensive around The Talk (as in, non-queer people talking about queerness in the abstract), and that's the topic my shul decided to land on today during lunch. And I feel so fortunate to have found them first because they were talking about a previous member and how they want him to visit and they want his boyfriend to visit so they can all scramble to feed and welcome him. I'm imagining a hoard of people just shoveling food at this member and his boyfriend if (and hopefully when) they decide to visit 😭
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#shul shenanigans#personal thoughts tag#no matter who it is talking about queerness i always hold my breath and i'm sure it's obvious why#my previous church wasn't homophobic really at all which i feel fortunate for but i WAS exposed to the sect of homophobic xtianity a lot#and i know jewish thought about queerness is: 1. not monolithic and 2. not the same as xtianity#but i feel beyond grateful that g-d has given me the chance to find this shul. it's literally everything i've dreamt of in a shul#literally the ONLY issue is that we are so small as to have problems with budget#i need to remember to withdraw some money to donate... i always forget#i also feel grateful because i'm a heavily pierced person and i always forget that i look VERY alt to 'normal' people#i've been slowly realizing that maybe the entire world doesn't see me as normal the way i do#because to me i do NOT look alt whatsoever. but having more than like two facial piercings (i have Way more) is very not normal apparently#i think that's partially why one of the families at my shul seemed... apprehensive about me? which was funny because...#...i don't notice i'm a pierced person anymore. to me my piercings are literally another body part#and also one of the members said he's totally fine with the Queer Thing seeing as his son is trans and he's gotten used to it#girl (not specific to gender) that's a bombshell to drop 😭
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i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill
#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc#and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’#it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time#it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed#so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand#so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward#but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed#AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away#how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc#but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots#because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free#anyway.#even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it#1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever#don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’#don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations#don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time#it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!!#but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for#idk. idk. it’s entitlement though#sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know#but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol#anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions#also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc#like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly#‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that#i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing#the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit#but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing#maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.
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That being said as tumblr user clonerightsagenda proud creator of the longrunning #terrible space facts series and repeat invoker of the phrase "space is terrible. no one should go there" I would not be heartbroken if we spent our money and carbon emissions on something else.
#yes I blog about space exploration but it's all from a perspective of fascinated horror#ALSO before yet another person takes me uncharitably out of context#I am aware NASA's budget is infinitesimal compared to our military's#same thing for carbon emissions probably although I don't have those numbers on hand#still when it comes to scientific advancement space isn't my priority#especially with a bunch of billionaires involved just to outbuild each other's dick rockets#i don't want to tag this mooncourse
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In an interview Halo Showrunner David Wiener stated that fan reaction to the season 2 finale will be “Finally”
really like the wording chosen for that
#Halo#Like ignoring my personal thing of#Adapting the games story is a bad idea especially when you can focus on other elements that are better suited#To a tv show budget pacing and just general storytelling methods#The big thing they stated about the Halo series is that it adapts the ‘’main story of halo’’#And it is taking until fucking season 3 to get to said main story#Like#also the changes of the characterizations means that a lot of scenes… won’t work#Like John almost ending all life in the galaxy because he has been conditioned to trust authority figures#Doesn’t work with a John who from episode 1 realizes ‘’oh maybe I should ask people about their intentions and have a healthy degree of#Suspicion’’#Also again in your… contentiously received series; holding out for another season seems like a bad idea
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once i start getting paid + finally bite the bullet and get a paypal i'll be unstoppable. also immediately out of money but that's a secondary concern
#i hate budgeting i should be allowed to spend one million dollars to pay people to draw things... another million for drinks also.#money apps just frighten me for some reason it feels like something that would be very easy to lose track of#.txt
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I GOT AN INTAGLIO PRINT FROM THE LOUVRE IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED WHAT THE FUCK😭😭😭😭😭😭
#0.txt#there were a few botanical prints i rly loved as well but they were colored and way out of my budget#there was also a gorgeous one of the louvre pyramid but it was too big for my purposes#and also a smaller print of the nike statue i rly liked but it felt too basic#i saw the real thing anyways that satisfied me ❤️#i wanted to look around more but my sister was being all impatient for god knows why 😭#i probably would have found another print i wanted there were so many#i avoided the bigger ones bc i thought they sold them flat like in the display#and i have to worry about bringing it back home#but it turns out they do roll them up ughhh i would have looked at the bigger prints more carefully#wahhhhh im so happy though my one goal was to get art here that rly speaks to me and this one does so much#i admire super detailed engraving prints the texture in this one is gorgeous i love love love love love so happyyyyy#it means so much more to me too that it used the original copper plate too
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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Tamagotchi hype, haircut hype! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Yanderapy#Original#Okay so I haven't actually Received them yet but I did end up buying those specific four Gotchis lol#Online bidding sung its siren song and parted me with my small fortunes but nearly within my budget! Very close!#Which for a first attempt purchasing things from that particular service means it was a resounding success lol - learning fees!#So anyway who has another Osu or Mesu and wants to meet up /hj lol#I do really want a Plus/Connection still! I have my heart set on a white/yellow V1 because it is The Absolute Cutest of all the Gotchis#No I am not taking criticism it's an egg shaped egg with a yellow cracked yolk! And it can talk to other Gotchis! Don't even talk to me!#Lol#I am excited for them to arrive <3#The Yans were also still on my mind so they got my fixation - sure they can play with some Plus's in college why not haha#They have V2+ tho - the little nub! If I remember right V2s and above were the ones that started gift exchange#V1s are limited but they're cuter - the antennae nubs are fine but the sleek look! Egg!! Anyway lol#They're both still the hecka cutest ♪#Finally my haircut! How long has it been this time lol#I like how my shirt goes from saying ''UNI'' to ''UM'' lol just handwriting silliness#Can confirm: Looks cute and feels nice EsPecially in this heat lately hg#It's been bratty and wanting to center-part tho how rude lol I'll have to style it a bit more aggressively#Last one celebrating getting the ones I wanted the most! Well within my price range anyway lol#I still want a V1 obviously and an ID L and a classic Gen1 or 2 with the galaxy skin lol - lots of dreamies still!#I think that term only applies to AC Villagers lol whatever! I want them! :3
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generally I think the last thing anyone needs is more discourse on the barbie film. is it feminist to like girly things? is it more or less anti-capitalist to not watch it? is it--
#I am the Ignorer#I simply cannot endure more thinkpieces on the validity of girls liking Feminine Things#and if perhaps the real oppression was being told that wearing makeup or something inane as such#Watching the barbie film has the same moral weight as watching a marvel film#in that yes it is a part of the general soullessness of hollywood. if you had fun then you had fun.#yes it is a giant commercial. yes. no it is not more feminist because greta gerwig directed it#(which it is a giant commercial. but also: so is plenty of children's media.)#Trying to find some sort of deeper debate within the nothingness of watching Big Budget Box Office Movies#is just so hollow to me at this point. I feel the same nothingness toward marvel debates#I was going to give it that at least it was a semi-newish concept in a sea of nothing but#burned out superhero films but then I saw that Mattel wants a Toy Movie Cinematic Universe so that's out#Blegh. I have zero investment in the film as a whole so skimming the thinkpieces is? so trite to me#Laying my head on my desk as my eyes blur over reading 'GOD FORBID WOMEN LIKE MAKEUP AND DOLLS' again#and the reactionary 'IT'S JUST A TOY COMMERCIAL' response#As if Barbie:tm: is contributing anything of merit to. what. the Feminist Agenda? please.#Trying to find morality within the act of watching or not watching another feel-good distraction from the endless weight of being#it's exhausting!#if you want to have fun with it far be it for me to stop you ick bleph I don't care but c'man#trying to find some deeper meaning to it / a moralistic justification for why it's So Real and Feminist to watch the film? also c'man
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sometimes disability aids are things you would expect them to be, sometimes its a collective giving-in & soliciting the help of a professional organizer to tackle the massive piles of Stuff crowding the house.
#this has gone on for multiple years as a result of having to unearth the entire basement after the water tank flooded#none of us were able to do anything about it even though we all know we needed to/really fucking wanted to#over two days we've made SUCH a dent in the work. my god. & tbh most of it really does just seem to stem from having another party here#who can delegate tasks and not get stuck like we do. im actually very good at doing things its the decision making that kills me.#12 hours of cleaning no breaks yes i am tired but it didnt even feel like i was working that long tbh#back to it on wednesday probably#also we're getting Shelves to replace the ones that the contractors tore out but never rebuilt so stuff WILL have a spot#god im tired lmao#but yeah if this is a struggle area for you & you can budget for it i cant recommend it enough#we actually dont even have as many things as i thought the post-flood boxes just werent packed well at all#(ngl im pretty sure i can also work with this woman bc she's definitely some type of nd fdghj you dont have that many texture opinions#about fabric on your skin otherwise usually fdgh)
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I love the fact that I can work as hard as I can manage with a broken tooth and a dying tooth (one on each side, I've been chewing on the cavity for a year) and I still cannot save even $10 towards getting dental treatment (2 impacted wisdom teeth, + tooth broken off under the gum, + bad cavity) because I barely make enough to cover my food and board and the insane energy bill
#I'm just ranting don't mind me it's fine I am continuing to exist as usual I may delete this later bc it's a bit of a bummer to read#I prefer to keep my blogging to fun or otherwise nonserious content because it's supposed to be for decompression no real world drama here#I got into a 3 hour body language study and earned $50 so I spent that as fun money on a couple games during the Steam sale just to#take a break from the constant cycle of getting paid and then immediately saying goodbye to all but about 15 cents#(well it was 1 game Slime Rancher 2 and then 2 expansion packs one for Planet Zoo and another for Cities Skylines long play hours mileage)#I've tried to budget to buy small things like a fan or a toothbrush maybe (mine is 8yrs old and doesn't charge sometimes) but NOPE#let alone stashing away over $2000 for the amount of treatment I need given tooth extractions are $200-$500 each#I use about $50 of groceries a week ($30 USD) sometimes up to $80 if I need to buy some extra toiletries or bonuses like ham/falafel/bread#our last quarterly power bill was $1900 FOR NO REASON even for a winter one#olessan oration#the work I have is HIT/mturk type work which pays amazingly well and I am so grateful because I can't work in a traditional environment due#my inability to sleep/wake on anyone else's schedule and need for engaging work but it also means each worker is basically a contract worke#picking their own hours which is VERY HARD to stick to for me since I may also have ADHD-i but that diagnosis also costs like $2000 in Aus#so I'm doing my best fucking lmao#I have a set minimum hours I want to keep up to and move to full time but I am so exhausted by the constant background noise of#the tooth problems that I burn out very quickly#like the tooth ache isn't that bad#the tooth is actively dying but the pain isn't unbearable it just shits me off at all times#it's bearable most of the time and doesn't affect my sleep unless the temp is cold or something#it's been bad this week tho so I've gone through almost all my ibuprofen managing it#the tooth that broke off broke off earlier in the year and the gum has mostly healed over and the dead root is concealed inside my gums now#that stopped being painful in mid 2021 but when it died it was pretty bad it did stop me sleeping for a couple weeks#Christmas 2021 involved me contemplating ripping the tooth out myself lmao#the nerve eventually died seemingly without an abscess#unless I DID have an abscess but that seems extremely unlikely because abscesses are SEVERE AND HORRIBLE AND LIFE THREATENING#sometimes I can feel the tooth ligament wiggling on its own or I like flex it by accident it's so weird bc the tooth is gone so#the ligament is still holding onto the root but with way less weight#anyway I am eating my mac n cheese n veg with the side that has the missing tooth because the cavity tooth has a big bruise along the gumli#gumline which may be from overzealous brushing (I fill the tooth will temporarily filling putty and it needs to be cleaned well when the#putty falls out)
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