#also blame kelly for this existing }

[4dkellysworld]

hi kelly, i hope you’re doing well! i just wanted to share an observation i’ve had along this path:

everything always works out fine. like, always. things have happened before that were the opposite of what my character anticipated/desired, and at times it would completely throw me and i’d spiral, but eventually i’d realise my (as in my character’s) complete lack of control over the situation and i’d let it be. i’d let all the crap unfold however it wanted to. and every single time… it turned out fine. i clung to and ruminated over some of my biggest fears/"worst case scenarios" until i literally spoke them into existence (unintentionally, of course, and i definitely recommend you work on that habit if that sounds like something you do lol). each time, i panicked, felt devastated, questioned my abilities, blamed myself for "manifesting" it… until the emotion just exhausted me and i got bored of it. and then somehow i got through it. there was always a resolution. everything always turned out fine.

i don’t mean for this to sound like a manifestation related submission, but i thought it could reassure others to realise that Self truly is orchestrating it all. and you are that Self. it is just you. so even if the complete opposite of what you (character) want happens, even if it feels like it’s all gone wrong, just. let. it. happen. let life do its worst. in fact, lean in to the feelings. don’t fight them. that doesn’t mean marinate in them and prolong them and wallow in them, but let them wash over you until you feel defeated and give up resisting them. every single time, it’ll work out. trust me. trust Self. it literally reminds me of that song "let it all work out~~~" because seriously… LET IT… trust that it will because it ALWAYS will.

also, this is not any sort of technique. again, just an observation. like, it’s just kind of… life. lol. and the more i’ve gone through this, the more trust i’ve built in the process. so now when something happens that is not my preference (what i once desired is now not even that deep to me, so it only feels right to call it a preference instead, because it’s no longer this burning, insatiable longing but more so just like a "ye that’d be nice😄"), i just giggle and say ok. like, genuinely. and each time, it resolves/undoes itself faster and faster. i was having money issues yesterday because i realised that a loan that i thought i was entitled to, i wasn’t. today, i received hundreds of £s from a totally unexpected source. and i’ve now been made aware that i’m entitled to these hundreds of £s every month indefinitely. when my money issues arose yesterday, i cried, got angry, felt afraid… then remembered every time something like this happens, the universe (just Self) always has my back. i still felt natural "ego" worries arise occasionally because i literally had no plan as to what to do, but i saw that my characters options were limited and that i’d simply do what i could to get by and that ultimately it’d be ok. the very next day, *boom*. fixed.

oh, and just to add: this isn’t me saying that you can’t have your perfect life. you can. i’m not saying things will forever go wrong, you can have everything you desire and life can be blissful for you, of course. once you know your Self undoubtedly, the way you know now so undoubtedly that you have hands, you’ll be able to control/materialise/revise anything. of course. but it’s seriously the most backwards thing because… the further you get to reaching that point (ironically, there is no point to reach anyway. YOU ARE LITERALLY ALREADY THAT RIGHT NOW)… the less you care about it. the idea of living as Lara instead of Vanessa (can you tell i’ve been around since the days when Ada was still active, bless her heart) is what drew me into this journey initially because i had failed with loa again and again, but now, truly… even if Lara is a "preference" it’s in a fun, free way. like, hell ye, why not experience her now i know that i can? and if i get bored, i’ll just switch it up again. but really, Vanessa, Lara… they’re both equally insignificant, little characters in a play. and i love them both. even Vanessa, for all her chaos and sadness and shortcomings, i love her. lol.

with more and more practice, with more and more recognition through your own experiences that Self truly orchestrates this whole thing and never ever leaves you (because it is you), it all starts to make more sense. my words won’t mean much if you don’t apply what you’ve learnt, but ye… just wanted to share anyway. :)

truly, thank you kelly for being here throughout the year to post the occasional remix or journal entry. you’re how i know everything is one, because you would always post exactly what i was experiencing just as i needed it. i hope life is beautiful and kind for you. i know you don’t need the gratitude or praise, but seriously thank you. 💜

This was such a delightful read, thanks so much for sharing! What you described are things I've been through too, and still am. Yesterday I was pondering over the answer I gave on "manifesting" as I said it's opposed to dropping ego and I realized the clear distinction between conventional "manifesting" and what you described is the involvement of ego. The first comes from a state of lack that involves ego effort while the second comes from a state of surrender/letting go to Self and involves dropping effort and attachment etc (and for masters, the "manifestation" is simply just a part of life, like when God "desires" to do something, it isn't a desire from lack but a choice/intention made from a place of wholeness and joy to experience itself). So I do think that "manifesting" practice can play a part in Self-realization but it's important to be wary of how much ego is involved in the practice.

And yess I also have realized how important trust is when letting go. When I let go and knew or trusted that it would be taken care of, it really was, time doesn't matter, I just trust it is already taken care of and handled by Self/God and doesn't need my involvement and then it is. Earlier in my journey, when I didn't have trust and let go, I got more mixed results. The great thing is trust in Self/God (I don't really like giving it any label because the mind starts creating all sorts of definitions to it which are obv false and limited but it's hard to point to otherwise lol) builds up as you trust more and it really just starts becoming an automatic thing that works for you. This is an excerpt from Friendship with God that describes it perfectly.

Neale: And we need nothing more for our evolution than exactly what we have, and are experiencing, right now. God: Once more, you are correct. Neale: And if we don’t need anything, we don’t have to trust God. God: That is what I have been saying, yes. Neale: And when we don't have to trust God, then we actually can. Because trust then means not having to have a particular result, but rather, knowing that whatever results is for our highest good. God: You have brought it full circle. Bravo! Neale: The beauty of this is that not needing a particular result frees the subconscious mind from all thoughts about why you can't have a particular result, which in turn opens the path to the particular result which was consciously intended. God: Yes! You are able to put more things on automatic. When you face a challenge, you automatically assume that things will go well. When you face some difficulty, you automatically know that it will be handled. When you encounter a problem, you automatically understand that it has already been solved for you—automatically. You have created these outcomes, subconsciously. Things start to happen automatically, seemingly without any effort on your part at all. Life starts working. Things start coming to you, rather than you having to chase after them. This change occurs without conscious effort. Just as negative, self-defeating, self-denying thoughts about Who You Really Are, and what you can be, do, and have, were acquired subconsciously, so, too, are they released subconsciously. You don’t know how or when you picked up such ideas, and you won’t know how or when you dropped them. Life will simply and suddenly change for you. The time between your thinking a thought consciously and it being made manifest in your reality will begin to shrink. Ultimately, it will disappear altogether, and you will create results instantly.

I was initially drawn to this journey for the same reasons too (wanting to experience Lara) and it's more like I've gotten to the point where it's really not that important because it's really just the same even if it looks a little different. Everything is perfectly imperfect or imperfectly perfect lol. It's all Life, all of it.

And it's great you mentioned the emotions part because it's not something to fear or fight, it is a natural part of the experience of ego so they will come up, it's just a matter of having awareness of this and letting it be (or letting it go) and not feeding into it or getting lost in it (mentioning this as I think it's a common misconception that doing it 'right' on this journey means having a completely peaceful mind all the time with no emotions).

Lol I just realised my response is just going 'yes yes yes' to yours but really, my experience has been similar to what you described too. We truly are all One! I hope life is kind and beautiful to you too. It is for me now because that's how I choose to experience life now <3 (even when it seemingly is not, I just decide it is anyway because I'm not going to change my choice based on the everchanging dream)

[marvelling-at-marvel-blog]

I find Trevor from shameless the most frustrating characther.

When he first introduced, I really liked him, the way he could really help Ian explore life outside of his southside world and more of the LGBT world was interesting. And I love the actor who plays him, but his character just did not work, and I know why. It was bad writing. (Also, I have to admit I didn't feel the chemistry between the actors, even if they were both playing their roles well.)

Now, first off, I think that Shameless really dropped the ball in writing new characters after season 5 or 6. Especially love interests. In the early seasons, all the Gallagher's interests were people outside of their relationship with a Gallagher. Love or hate them. I could tell you plenty about them, and they interacted and had storylines outside of their love interest.

I mean, think of Karen, Jimmy, Mandy, Shelia, Mickey and even Svetlana.l. They were all interesting outside of just being a love interest, and they all had personality and backgrounds. I really think Shameless lost that in their later seasons writing.

See Kelly, Trevor, Tammi, Caleb, Ford and Cassidy for example. It felt like they purely existed to only further thier LIs storyline. Even the writing of Mickey, when he returned as a main character, wasn't as in-depth as it was in either early seasons.l and just seemed to be more to drive storyline and comedy than in-charachter for him

So, back to Trevor. I wanted to like him, and I did for his first few episodes, but his writing frustrates me so complelty. I think as a person who also works in social services, his actions and contradictions make no sense. So in the episode that Mickey comes back when Ian goes to see him, he is really busy because his trying to place a kid. And when he thinks if he can't, he says he may have to just let them crash on his couch. Which pinged me as completely inappropriate as a social services worker as you can never have a child just say on your couch like that as you are crossing so many professional boundaries and as he rightfullylayer says can give the wrond ide. But in S8, when Ian has that girl stay over, he (rightfully) tells Ian that is completely inappropriate and then gets really mad at him for it, which just made him annoyingly hypocritical.

He is apparently working with at risk youth and abused kids, yet he tells Ian that Monica is trying and to give her another chance as Ian is being unfair to her, that he is being to hard in her. Crazy. I could not think of a single person in this job who would have that attitude towards neglectful or problematic parents. Because anyone in this job would know setting boundaries is healthy and that anyones trauma is thiers to feel how they feel about. Same with the way he treats Ian's grief after losing Monica. When he takes him to the place with the chubby guys, they lost me completely.

Then we have the idea that Ian was clearly sprialing later in S8 and going off his meds, but Trevor seems unaware even though anyone could see it let alone someone with any kind of training.

His writing is just so bad and seems literally to be only to serve Ian's storyline and screw his character development outside of that. Especially in S8. Then he doesn't even appear at Ian's court preceding and just disappears

I think he could have been good for Ian. And I think with the lack of chemistry I felt between them maybe they should have just been friends after the whole cheating thing. And maybe it's the fact that Cameron's chemistry is off the charts with Noel that made it really feel like he had none with Caleb or Trevor but that doesn't make up for bad writing. I get that writing a new post-Mickey love interest is hard after how much fans love him, but the writers can only blame themselves for that too as the never wrote a good ending storyline for a loved charcther they though was leaving for good at end of S5.

Shameless really lost a lot for me when they stopped writing their supporting character as interesting people outside of their relationship.

Trevor is my example charcther of that. That actor deserved better.

[thousandfireworks]

Authors whose books you have to avoid because they are problematic.

Abigail Hing Wen.

Alex Aster.

Alice Hoffman.

Alice Oseman.

Alison Win Scotch. ‘Terrorism is never acceptable. Not in Israel.’

Allie Sarah.

Amber Kelly.

Amy Harmon.

Annabelle Monaghan.

Anna Akana.

Aurora Parker.

Benjamin Alire Sáenz.

Brandon Sanderson. Islamophobic.

Carissa Broadbent. Said that hamas is doing violence against innocence.

Chloe Walsh. Siding with Israel in the name of humanity.

Christina Lauren. Believe that Israel is the victim. A racist, also Islamophobic.

Colleen Hoover.

Cora Reilly. Travel to Israel despite criticism.

Danielle Bernstein. Islamophobic.

Danielle Lori.

Deke Moulton. Said hamas is terrorist.

Dian Purnomo.

Eliza Chan.

Elle Kennedy.

Elyssa Friedland.

Emily Henry.

Emily Mclntire.

Emily St. J. Mandel. Admiring Israel.

Gabrielle Zevin. Wrote a book about anti-Palestine. Mentioned Israel multiple times without context on his book.

Gregory Carlos. Israeli author. A zionist.

Hannah Whitten.

Hazel Hayes. Reposted a post about October 7th.

Heidi Shertok.

Jamie McGuire.

Jay Shetty. ‘Violence is happening in Israel.’

Jean Meltzer.

Jeffery Archer. Wrote a book with a mc Israel operative (mossad) in a positive and anti terrorist light.

Jennifer Hartman. Liked a post about pro-Israel.

Jen Calonita.

Jessa Hastings.

Jill Santopolo. Said that Israel has right to exist and fight back.

John Green.

Jojo Moyes.

J. Elle.

J. K. Rowling. Support genocide. Racist. Islamophobic.

Kate Canterbery.

Kate Stewart.

Katherine Howe.

Katherine Locke.

Kristin Hannah. Support Israel. Shared a donation link.

Laini Taylor.

Laura Thalassa. Islamophobic.

Lauren Wise. Cussed that Palestinian supporters would be raped in front of children.

Lea Geller. Thanked people who supports Israel.

Leigh Dragoon. Islamaphobic and anti Asian racist rants on Twitter and threads

Leigh Stein.

Lilian Harris. A racist. Blocking people who educates about colonialism in Palestine and call them disgusting.

Lisa Barr. A daughter of Holocaust survivor. Support Israel.

Lisa Kennedy Montgomery.

Lisa Steinke.

Liz Fenton.

Lynn Painter. Afraid of getting cancelled as a pro-Palestine and posted a template afterwards.

L. J. Shen. Her husband joins idf (Israel army).

Mariana Zapata.

Marie Lu.

Marissa Meyer.

Melissa de la Cruz.

Michelle Cohen Corasanti.

Michelle Hodkin. Spread false rumors about arab-hamas. Islamophobic.

Mitch Albom. ‘We shouldn't blame Israel for surviving attacks or defending against them.’

Monica Murphy. Siding with Israel.

Naomi Klein.

Navah Wolfe.

Neil Gaiman. Suggested Palestinians unite with Israel and become citizens.

Nicholas Sparks.

Nic Stone. Talked nonsense that children in Palestinian refugee camp are training to be martyrs for Allah because they felt it was their call in life.

Nyla K.

Olivia Wildenstein. Blocking people who disagree with Israel wrongdoing.

Pamela Becker.

Penelope Douglas.

Pierce Brown.

Rachel Lynn Solomon.

Rebecca G. Martinez.

Rebecca Yarros. ‘I despise violence’ her opinion about what's happening in Gaza. Blocking people who calls her a zionist.

Rena Rossner.

Renee Ahdieh.

Rick Riordan.

Rina Kent.

Rivka (noctem.novelle).

Rochelle Weinstein.

Romina Garber. ‘These terrorist attacks do nothing to improve the lives of Palestinians people.’

Roshani Chokshi. Encourage people to donate to Israel.

Samantha Greene Woodruff.

Sarah J. Mass. Her book contained ideology of zionism.

Stephanie Garber. Promoting books by zionist author (Sarah J. Mass)

Skye Warren.

Sonali Dev.

Talia Carner.

Tarryn Fisher. Said ‘there was terrorist attack in Israel.’

Taylor Jenkins Reid. Posted a video about genocide.

Tere Liye. Rumoured to have ghoswriters to write his books and never give credit to them.

Tillie Cole.

Tracy Deon.

Trinity Traveler (Ade Perucha Hutagaol). Rumour to wrote book about handsome Israelis.

T. J. Klune.

Uri Kurlianchik.

Veronica Roth.

Victoria Aveyard. ‘Israel has the right to exist.’ quote from her about the issue.

V. E. Schwab. Shared a donation link and video about Israel.

Yuval Noah. ‘Israel has the right to do anything to defend themselves.’

Zibby Owens.

[marta-bee]

It's so easy to criticize Donald Trump, it almost feels self-indulgent. If I wrote about every scandal or upsetting and offensive comment, I'd do nothing else all day. But the news out of Arlington crossed a line I didn't know still existed.

For non-Americans, Arlington Cemetery is a large cemetery of notable American public servants, not only military but that's what it's known for. It's one of the largest such cemeteries, certainly the most iconic, and because of that it has a certain sacred quality in the American imagination. Certainly this American's. I've had the honor to stand there, thankfully connected to someone I only knew tangentially.

It's also supposed to be non-political, which is of course where Mr. Trump enters in.

To put it in the most generous light I can manage, Trump was asked to attend a memorial by some of his supporters, for their family members who died in Afghanistan. His staff was warned not to take photos there or do anything politically motivated. This is a sacred space and a monument to national service and loss, and more to the point it's a massive grave of nearly a thousand servicemen and -women. Even if Trump was invited by some families, it's not just their space.

There was a camera. An Arlington Cemetery employee told them to stop, and his staff assaulted her. The campaign later posted video of him grinning and giving a thumbs up on their social media accounts. Said employee filed a report but opted not to press charges because she (of course it was a she). That's not even the bit that's got me most upset, though. One of the soldiers' mothers, Kelly Barnett, is asked about Trump politicizing that space. She describes her son's death as a murder by the Biden/Harris campaign. She talks about how we can't understand what it's like to be in her shoes. (Video is here, just over 2:00 in.)

There's just so much pain and anger in those words. She's turned to rage over what was done to her son rather than seeing the honor and dignity of his choice. Or perhaps in addition to? Most of my male cousins served; none died, but we had enough of other kinds of loss connected to military service, so I have a glimpse of that kind of pain. Obviously not to the extreme of having a child die, but enough. I can imagine how under different circumstances I might have gone down that dark path of blame and rage.

Which is probably why it utterly guts me to see her feel the need to defend Trump. I don't blame the media; this story is newsworthy and she chose to speak to them. But she's clearly in so much pain even now, and if she was the one to invite Trump, how truly, irredeemably wrong of him to exploit that pain to get a bit of publicity. He could have said no. Or he could have stood with them, been quietly supportive, not turned it into an ad where he had to know people like her would be left to defend him. Her words seem almost a cultish mentality, and I'm so far beyond pissed to think of him taking advantage of her pain and the place it drove her to.

What an utter fucking bastard of a man-child.

I honestly didn't know I had it in me to still be so offended by this kind of thing. But honestly, this is so far beyond the realm of "wrong." Truly.

[crawfordtil]

Roleplay Request

Hello everybody!!! I’m looking for new roleplay partners for a few different fandoms. I do ask that you are 20+ since I’m 21 and I do enjoy more mature themes at times. Also I roleplay paragraph style, and I will add an example at the end of this post!

*characters I prefer to play will be bold

Fandoms & Ships

Reanimator | Daniel Cain x Herbert West

Buffy the Vampire Slayer | Buffy Summers x Spike, Buffy Summers x Giles Rupert, Buffy Summers x Faith Lehane

Twin Peaks | Dale Cooper x Harry Truman, Dale Cooper x Annie Blackburn, Albert Rosenfield x Harry Truman, Albert Rosenfield x Dale Cooper

Evil Dead | Ash Williams x Ruby Knowny, Ash Williams x Herbert West, Ash Williams x Pablo Simon Bolivar, Pablo Simon Bolivar x Kelly Maxwell

I’m open to other ships in these fandoms so please don’t hesitate to reach out!!!

You can either reach out to me here on tumblr or add me on discord @ crawfordtil to rp!!!

Rp examples

1. Herbert couldn’t stand these pointless parties, he’s sees more than enough of their coworkers on the clock, he has no desire to see them *off* the clock. Honestly, he’d love it if him and Dan just weren’t invited, it would give them all the more reason to spend time in the lab or *elsewhere*. If he’s going to drink, he’d prefer it in the company of their home, and usually he would’ve stood his ground and insisted they can *’let loose’* in their own home. Of course, that’s before they started dating. It was far easier to turn Dan down, but now those big brown puppy dog eyes *tug* at his heart a little too hard. He caved in embarrassingly quick, agreeing to go to the hospital outside of work.

And it was everything he’d expected; loud, boisterous laughter echoing throughout the building, fake excitement over their arrival (Herbert knows they’d rather he not show up, they can usually tolerate Dan), and an obscene amount of liquor. Herbert can’t deny that he indulged just a *bit*, it made it easier to simply *exist*. Eventually Herbert had enough of the bright lights and chatter, dragging Dan outside only to find himself pressed against the brick wall. Now *this* was far more enjoyable. “*Really*, I’d much rather be here with you,” he says, tilting his head to capture his lips in a *passionate* kiss. They definitely should not be out here where anyone could walk by, but Herbert can’t find it in him to care tonight, pleasantly heady from the alcohol and having his boyfriend pressed up against him.

2. Buffy wants nothing more than to stay on the plane with Giles, honestly she’d take London over this place, but alas, duty calls. She takes the lead, Sylvia at her side and the other two girls behind them. It’s freezing outside, she’s never once experienced cold like this, and *god* does she hope she never has to again. Not only is it cold, but the snow leaves little to be seen, and the howling wind drowns out most noise. It’s feels like hours that they’ve been walking around, surveying the land. There wasn’t anything special about it, a whole bunch of snow and scattered lights outside the compound, and no signs of life, supernatural or otherwise. Then again, Buffy’s sure if anything disturbed the pristine snow, it would’ve been covered up in minutes.

Buffy has never been more relieved to hear that they’re almost there, hopefully they’ll be able to get some semblance of warmth inside. “I think I see it up ahead!” She yells back, squinting against the relentless wind to make out the fuzzy shape of a decently large building. And while Buffy isn’t exactly happy about the fact they haven’t found anything, because that’s never a good sign, she can’t complain about calling it a night. They’ve spent all day cooped up in a plane, then the afternoon— or evening, she’s not sure— searching for demonic activity in an unknown place, they deserve a break. She can tell the girls are a bit drained, and she can’t blame them, but it’s nothing some food and rest can’t fix.

The sight of the buildings entrance is everything she’s ever wanted, today at least. Hauling the door open, Buffy waits until everyone’s in before shutting it behind her, tugging on it for good measure. “Let’s all stick together and look around before we settle down for the night,” she suggests. It’ll be good to get familiarized with the building and to make sure their monster isn’t hiding out in a room waiting to pick them off one by one.

[ananke-xiii]

Missing Mothers and Missed Opportunities

Or: There can be three, four fathers in this show but there can only be one mother (and she doesn’t even want to be there, lol)!

One way that I like to see the first episodes of s13 is focusing on missed opportunities. Sam’s mind is in the past, he is very much ruminating about his missed opportunity with his mother while Dean’s mind is in the future as he is trying to deal with the fact that Cas is dead (although, to be honest, I think Cas’s death is a catalyst for Dean's much deeper issues related to his identity. As I’ve already said, in s12 Dean was in the process of understanding who he was regardless of his relationships and while he had some sort of reconciliation with Mary, he didn’t have any with Cas).

It’s no wonder, then, that Sam thinks that Cas and Mary might still be alive while Dean doesn’t. In Supernatural the past can come back and if it’s come back once why can’t it come back again? Past is hope. The future, however, is always “doom and gloom” in this series, it’s apocalypses, it’s “it ends bad, it ends bloody”, it is, in other words, super pessimistic. And “The Future” is impersonated in Jack and in the visions of the future he transmitted to Castiel which Dean blames for his death.

Sam is smart but it doesn’t take a genius to understand that if Jack has opened the rift once he might be able to open it again. Therefore, Sam sees in Jack an opportunity: if Jack can control and manage his powers he might open the rift again and Sam could get his mother back. What’s more, he also starts to see (what he thinks he’s) himself in Jack.

Dean: I told him the truth. See, you think you can use this freak but I know how this ends and it ends bad. Sam: I didn’t. Dean: What? Sam: I didn’t ‘end bad’. When I was the freak, when I was drinking demon blood. Dean: Come on man, that’s totally different. Sam: Was it? Because you could’ve put a bullet in me. Dad told you to put a bullet in me, but you didn’t! You saved me! So help me save him! Dean: You deserved to be saved, he doesn’t! Sam: Yes he does, Dean, of course he does!

The “What?” shows how the two are talking about completely different things. Maybe it was the word “freak” that triggered Sam, however I tend to agree with Dean here: Sam and Jack are not “totally different” but they are different. What I disagree with is when Dean says that Jack doesn’t deserve to be saved (Dean, Dean, Dean… you, just like everybody else, don’t need to “de-serve” anything. I swear to God the day we realize what the words we use actually mean maybe the world will really start changing). Because the thing is that Jack doesn’t need to be saved. He’s not a human who drank demon blood for what he thought was “the greater good” but turned out to be the beginning of his end. He was not part of a gigantic, messy, blatant scam involving Heaven and Hell. Jack’s partially the result of both Lucifer’s delusions of grandeur regarding Creation and Kelly’s conservative and dreamy desire to have a baby with the President of the USA (he was never gonna put any ring on it, girl and you knew it. Btw, Kelly is the baby-trapper in this story and no one else, I won’t change my mind ever), but he is nevertheless one of the most powerful beings in all existence. I honestly think that the only character who has ever understood Jack was Donatello.

Donatello: Oh. Speaking not as a prophet but as a scientist, I don’t think teaching him is in the cards. It’s like asking a lion not to be a lion. Sam: But this is not a lion! This is a human! Donatello: With a strong dose of God juice.

It’s not a strong dose of demon blood, Sam. It’s God juice, okay? LOL. Anyway, Donatello is super on point here: Jack is human and not-human. He’s a living aporia, the character where all the false dichotomies of the series show their fallacies. He’s “both… and” incarnated. He’s born and he’s already in his 20s. He’s a child and he’s a not-child. He has an age and he’s without age. Nobody will ever come close to understanding him if they cling close to a “black or white, good or evil” mentality. And this is why the show totally failed (for me) in s14 and how Sam is also failing here because he projects his own (respectable and very real) Lucifer-related issues with evilness onto Jack. Jack is beyond “good and evil” because he’s both human and angel, he embodies two different moralities and also transcends both of them because he’s neither only human nor only angel. To sum up, I don’t think that Supernatural, with its structure and its specific morality, could have handled a character like Jack. And this is why the show has to de-power him, de-soul him, make him die and resurrect etc.

Back to Sam and his failings. He projects his own stuff onto Jack, he wants to use him as a “can-opener”, he thinks Jack can be saved from “evil” because he can teach him. My question is: how much can Sam be negatively judged for these actions? My answer is: not so much.

As far as projections go, this is what he’s been doing from S1. Per SPN structure, both Sam and Dean have been projecting and identifying their issues onto the monsters of the weeks for 15 seasons. Jack is just the “Monster of the Season”. Projection and identification, identification and projection… I mean, this is what the show is about. If all of sudden Sam had woken up and miraculously solved all his identity-related issues the show would have been over.

As far as the utilitarian aspect goes, Sam has actually made some progress here. He “only” surveils Jack via cameras and tries to convince him to do some stupid exercises with a pencil. Previously on Supernatural Sam had literally enslaved, chained and imprisoned the people/creatures he wanted to use. These kids, they grow up so fast :”).

As far as the “do no evil” teaching goes, now here’s what’s really interesting to me.

The episode is “The Rising Son” and Sam’s passionate plea for Jack’s goodness via his teachings is paralleled to Asmodeus’s attempt at locating Jack in order to find him and harness his “timeless knowledge and unschooled power”. Asmodeus acts like Lucifer acted with Sam in S11 in that he pushes Jack to open up the earth “for God” (“I speak the words of God”, “God has a message for you”, “Do it for God” etc). Since Lucifer’s not here, though, Asmodeus wants to “[have]him (Jack) found and trained to rule. With me as his humble advisor, of course”. Of course we know he will fail because he himself says that he had tried to train the Shedim in the past and utterly failed.

ASMODEUS: I know the perils of Lucifer’s disappointment. DREXEL: He—he did that? ASMODEUS: Long ago. Eager to please, I freed the shedim. DREXEL: You… Oh, I’ve heard stories about— ASMODEUS: Oh, I’m sure you have. Hell’s most savage. Things so dark, and base, God himself would not allow them into the light. But I, in my pride, believed that I could train them. Use them. But Lucifer feared them, as well he should, so he forbade it, locked them up again.

This, of course, means that Sam will fail to train Jack/the Shedim too.

The parallel between Asmodeus and Sam must be explored because the show seems to pass it as an Evil (Asmodeus) vs Good (Sam) training but it’s not as simple as that. There’s even a scene where Asmodeus-as-Donatello talks about Jack with Sam and he seems to agree with Sam’s theory that Jack can be molded. While Sam thinks so because “Kelly was a good person”, Asmodeus-as-Donatello is obviously more interested in his evil father’s lineage.

While it’s true that both of them don’t even consider to give Jack a choice, to ask him questions and to try to understand him, they’re not exactly wrong when they agree that Jack’s powers do need some training, regardless of why they’re interested in his powers, Jack doesn’t have a grip on how his powers work. The show insistence on “good vs evil", however, completely ignores the very valid point where Jack’s powers are simply neither good or evil per se but they are “only” a(nother) force to be reckoned with.

This “good vs evil” thing obscures something very important and I think a distinction must be made here about what "training" really means in this context: Sam wants Jack to learn to master his powers, so that he (Jack) can be in control of them; on the other hand, Asmodeus wants to exploit Jack because of his powers, he wants to be the one who’s in control of them.

Both Sam and Asmodeus have an agenda, clearly, they’re also two characters very much interested in power. But when Asmodeus says that he wants to train Jack what he really has in mind is to groom him. Asmodeus’ techniques are very similar to Crowley’s with baby Amara and Demon Dean (I know Dean was not a child but he was one metaphorically because Crowley calls himself “Father” and “daddy” while he calls Dean “a rather scrumptious altar boy”. Ugh). These are predators’ techniques: their intent is to create intimacy with a person (for instance, Asmodeus takes on Donatello’s resemblance to lure Jack and take him to the Hell’s Gate), usually a child, to make them do what they want and abuse their victims, victims who usually don’t even realize they’re victims (Jack doesn’t know he’s being manipulated).

This is NOT what Sam means when he says he can teach Jack. Sam’s utilitarian mindset can be reproachable but his intent is not the same as Asmodeus. Sure, it’s still absolutely problematic but, again, his intent is not to open up the earth to release the Shedim and use Jack to rule Hell. He wants to open the rift to the Apocalypse World to find his mother. He is, in other words, being a softer version of John Winchester. In fact, he is replicating John’s methods because this is what he grew up with and this is what he knows. Avenging Mary’s death, finding Mary in the AU… even if the intent might be comprehensible it doesn’t justify both John and Sam’s attitude towards the reaching of their ends. Yet, their ways are still not the same ways of a Crowley or an Asmodeus.

The other thing is that John was Sam’s father. He was father to two human children whom he raised as if their childhood was a huge, endless military training. Training someone, as a concept, is not evil: if you have a skill or a talent or whatever, you need to train and learn and explore your limits. Having someone who believes in you and wants to help you in your training is not evil too: in fact, it might be a very good thing. It’s a problematic thing, however, when your caregiver is more focused on the training than the care. It’s even more problematic if said caregiver is a paranoid who raised his sons as soldiers. But this is still NOT the same thing as demons such as Crowley and Asmodeus do.

The differences in "training" and what Sam fails to understand about what happened with Asmodeus is explained in "Patience":

SAM: Even with Asmodeus, that just happened?

JACK: No, he made me. It was like, like he was in my head.

SAM: Okay um, then uh… Imagine him doing that.

JACK: No!

SAM: No? Why not?

JACK: Because I don’t want to! It’s just… I can’t do this! And you keep staring at me, waiting!

Asmodeus made Jack use his powers, he was in his head. He had also abducted him, manipulated him: he wasn't trying to train him, he was trying to groom him. Of course Jack doesn't want that.

If Sam is replicating his father's teachings we must then ask: who is Jack to Sam in this moment in the narrative? He’s definitely not his son nor his sibling. But he's not someone Sam keeps in locks either. As I’ve said, Sam has never been above imprisoning people in his dungeon to reach his goal, yet he takes another road with Jack, maybe precisely because he’s identifying with him and projecting onto him his own fears and issues with “being evil” and “being a freak”. There is something very similar between the two but what is it? And why is it not expressed? Maybe Sam is not Jack the way he thinks he is but they do share one thing: they have both missed the opportunity to create a bond with their respective mothers.

Sam only really utterly fails Jack when he’s dishonest with him. He eventually understands that and comes clean with him but I think that a lot of the initial issues happened because he was not communicating with Jack at all. And he didn’t even give him a choice. I think that if Sam were honest with Jack and gave him the choice to help him he would have discovered another thing that make them veeeery similar: both of them are okay with twisting human morality and… sort of… manipulate people a little to get what they want. Does this make them evil villains? To me, no. Does this make them human, layered, compelling characters that raise interesting moral questions more than give black and white answers? Totally yes!

Sam and Jack are not “totally different” but they are different. Conversely, they are not “totally similar” but they are similar. The Rescuing of the Mother can happen because The Loss of the Mother is something that Jack can deeply understand and relate to. He doesn’t want to save Mary just to please Sam and Dean. I think it’s deeper than that.

In case it wasn't clear, the conflation of Mary and Kelly is very clear in "The Big Empty":

MIA: You’ve lost someone recently? DEAN: No. JACK: My mother. SAM: Uh, our mother. We’ve having a difficult time.

Mary-as-Missed/Missing-Mother is such a central theme in this season that the Apocalypse World is a literal ramification of the Original World that's solely dependent on Mary Winchester’s choice to not deal with Azazel. John is never brought back and, more importantly, Sam and Dean are never born. This is a world where she’s not the mother. But why is Mary’s choice so vital it can create different timelines?

S12 and S13 implicitly seem to tell that everything that happened was because of Mary’s choice and… it’s, like, not true? Sometimes Sam and Dean are so ultra-focused on “free will” and “making the right choices” that tend to forget the part where both them and their parents were part of a larger scheme that was predicated on people ultimately being herd towards a designed pen. Like, while I think that Dean and Sam having issues with their mother is completely real and plausible, I don’t understand why the narrative re-frames itself in this way… I understand that they were going for a specific retelling of the first seasons but this is not just retelling, this is demolishing the premises of those series. S4-5 were precisely about the mystification and the perils of a glorified, Grand Destiny that in reality was nothing but a Big Scam. It’s not your destiny if your destiny is something that somebody else is telling you about and when this somebody else has a vested interest in you believing that you have that specific destiny. Or if somebody else is removing all of your choices leaving you with close to nothing to choose from.

Apocalypse World is, thus, such an unfair double-edged sword, cause on the one hand, it gives Mary agency but on the other it shows us that both choices resulted in… well, frankly, catastrophes. And I think it’s unfair to throw this huge weight onto her shoulders after they had dug her up from her grave while completely ignoring the whole thing about senior management angels playing puppeteers with the Winchesters.

Kelly-as-Missed/Missing-Mother is the other side of the coin of this little argument of mine because in s13 the writers demonstrated how Kelly must stay dead because one mother is enough and they didn’t know what to make of Kelly since she was not a hunter. She was just, as a character, Jack’s mother. The rift to the Apocalypse World was even possible in the first place because she (more or less, it’s complicated) decided that she would.have.her.baby. But, just like Mary before her resurrection, if his actual mother were back in the game it either meant that Jack was out of the game or that they had to include her in some capacity into the Winchesters dynamics and they didn’t want any of that. Mary’s death meant that Sam and Dean entered the hunters’ life, Kelly’s death assures the same for Jack. Plus, they all have an angel watching over them, isn't it just great? But hey, wait, this is the absent fathers show so we’re gonna give this kid three, four, five fathers!!! (sarcastic). Also, Alive Kelly wouldn’t be the Good, Perfect, Dead Mother that she is to Jack because, well, she would be a Real Character, not a memory on a pen drive and Alive Kelly would be so faaaar from the Good and Perfect Mother. Do we have to try to write another complex mother? One is enough!!! (sarcastic).

In conclusion, in s13 Sam’s (and Jack’s) huge missed opportunity stays… missing. Jack will go to the Apocalypse World and fight the angels with Mary whereas Mary decides to stay there (lol!) to help with the fight. They literally have to find a bus and move all the remaining AU people to the Original World because Mary has decided that she wanted to stay in a world where she didn’t choose John and she didn’t give birth to her sons (me asking Sam who has just died and was resurrected by Lucifer only to find out that his mother didn’t want to be saved: are you REALLY okay? LOL). I’ll stop here cause this is getting way too long but maybe, just maybe, s13 as a whole was a giant missed opportunity.

[bethanydelleman]

Knightley isn’t the Secret Villain of Emma

The book Jane Austen, the Secret Radical by Helena Kelly has been haunting me despite the fact that I’ve never read it and I probably won’t because everything I hear is wild. Theories from that book come up in discussions a lot.

Anyway, I would like to address the author’s theory that Mr. Knightley is actually the villain of the novel, marrying Emma just to he can enclose land and become more powerful/wealthy. Also, he caused the turkey theft by making people poorer. There is a argument against this theory here and, by the excellent John Mullen: here.

So firstly, this goes against everything we know about Mr. Knightley’s character. He shows concern for everyone, especially the poor, and he respects people of the lower class, such as Robert Martin. We see many examples of this, the Bates being a prime example. He sends his last apples to Miss Bates and offers his own carriage for the Bates and Jane Fairfax to go to the Coles. (This also proves he can use his carriage if he wants to). The most dramatic point of the book is him scolding Emma for being unkind to someone poorer than herself!

Secondly, there are still common fields, it’s right in the book: if one is blown over in the bleak part of the common field there will be the other at hand. I dare say we shall be all safe at Hartfield before midnight (Ch 15).

Thirdly, I don’t see how this is evidence at all of Knightley having evil plots:

“True, true,” cried Mr. Knightley, with most ready interposition—“very true. That’s a consideration indeed.—But John, as to what I was telling you of my idea of moving the path to Langham, of turning it more to the right that it may not cut through the home meadows, I cannot conceive any difficulty. I should not attempt it, if it were to be the means of inconvenience to the Highbury people, but if you call to mind exactly the present line of the path.... The only way of proving it, however, will be to turn to our maps. I shall see you at the Abbey to-morrow morning I hope, and then we will look them over, and you shall give me your opinion.” (Ch 11)

Knightley is talking to his own brother, among family. We have absolutely no reason to believe he is lying. In his annotated Emma, David M. Shapard points to this same passage as an example of Mr. Knightley’s thoughtfulness to the local people. If anything, this makes him an ideal, not a villain.

Fourthly, like, theft happens people. In every society all the time. Poultry are smallish and stupid and easy to steal. And to blame Knightley for poverty when even Jesus admitted that poverty will literally always exist? One man can only do so much!

Finally, Jane Austen does mention enclosure in her novels, indicating she’s not scared to bring it up, and which character does it? John freaking Dashwood. When telling his sister why he is so poor, John says, “The enclosure of Norland Common, now carrying on, is a most serious drain [to his finances].” (Ch 33, Sense & Sensibility) Of course he’s not poor; he also does not engage in charity at all, not even when he makes a deathbed promise to his father. If you read both of these novels and somehow took away that Knightley is another John Dashwood than... I mean honestly I don’t even know what to say.

But it’s also unclear in S&S if Austen though enclosure was a bad thing. Henry Dashwood, the girl’s father, seems to me to be presented as a good man, and he might well to have been planning enclosure as well:  

Mr. Dashwood’s disappointment was, at first, severe; but his temper was cheerful and sanguine; and he might reasonably hope to live many years, and by living economically, lay by a considerable sum from the produce of an estate already large, and capable of almost immediate improvement.

Which leads me to believe that the real crime of John Dashwood was to complain to his impoverished sisters, not necessarily the enclosure itself. He’s claiming poverty while doing something to make himself more wealthy.

Either way, however Jane Austen actually viewed enclosure, I don't know how you can read Emma and decide that the thoughtful, caring, polite, and truth-telling Mr. Knightley, who gives up his actual home to live with Emma and her father, is somehow the villain.

Additional Note: I am pretty disinclined to believe anything in the book Secret Radical because of her argument that Fanny bought a knife for Betsey to protect her from the abuse of Mr. Price. Which is.. just insane. I really doubt either Susan (14) or Betsey (5) could fight off a former Marine Officer with a pen knife, even if that was how child abuse worked... but also none of the Price children ever act like they are afraid of their father. He yells at the boys once to zero effect and then they come and make noise right in front of him... Anyway, I'm just addressing the Knightley thing because it comes up a lot online now.

[storiesofsvu]

Alright, thanks to injury we are home on a Thursday rather than stuck working a function so we’re here and ready to go for law and order!!

Okay this mothership episode isn’t grabbing my attention too much so far, if I have nothing else to say, don’t blame me lol.

Dude… im not sure if this is the actual plot twist cause we do have half an hour more to go, but I called it being the partner right off the bat.

I wasn’t fully paying attention, but like… they can and will subpoena this cop into testifying right? Like if he doesn’t, he gets charged/fined/goes to jail? Correct? Wtf dude…

Okay, I do dig Jess. She’s growing on me. I also really like how she’s always in t shirts while her detectives wear full on suits LOL. I’m glad we’re getting more background info on her as this season goes on. I feel like we already know more about her than we knew about kate.

Im sorry? Is her having a meeting/getting investigated by IAB supposed to be a surprise? The other captain literally said they would fire him if he testified to the thing she ended up testifying to??? Like… duh??

Alright, svu time. I’ll actually be paying attention, promise LOL.

“youre a defense attorney, why don’t you try defending me for a change!?” LOOLLL. Carisi…. That was a good line.

GOD the hesitation and not wanting to take off his wedding ring… ahhhh. Our sweet little in love boi.

Now watch the entire fandom try to figure out what 0188 means to carisi.

Amanda hearing this and knowing that the fear of getting shot/killed in the field was one of the reasons she left the job in the first place and thinking their little family was safe and now carisi has got himself stuck into a similar situation. UGH. Let them be fucking happy.

“you really think you should be down here?” oh fuck you buddie, obvi she’s gonna be there…

I get that the older guy is fucking insane and like, just wants to commit crimes, but if “we wanted to drink, need money for that. Saw the store had an atm, the girls had cards” why not just fucking steal the booze???

How do cops not burst into laughter at the ridiculous demands some of the low life low brow criminals demand in situations like this?! Lool

Honestly it’s pretty surprising it’s taken this long for olivia to end up heavily involved in the situation lol.

I REALLY hope that next time we see our squad that Velasco and silva actually get some screen time. This is getting fucking ridiculous. We have an ensemble cast, it’s small, but they exist and are each supposed to be in each ep. I get that ice has an entire career outside of svu and he’s only there for the paycheques so he can dip in and out whenever he wants. But how about we let the ones who are new actually get some character development. Like, kate and joe have had max two scenes with like, three lines each so far and Bruno and fin are nowhere to be seen. (again, I know that we get heavy carisi involvement and they’ve got to pay kelli, but still. It’s an ongoing trend, not just tonight.)

Also lowkey surprised amanda hasn’t kicked down the fucking door and burst in there guns blazing herself. Cause if it wasn’t for their kids, she would have.

Amanda looking more stressed/worried/heartbroken about olivia going inside to swap for carisi is…. Something… lol. Jemily. It’s giving jemily. Yeah I know it’s rolivia, but you know what I mean if you watch both shows.

Were the swat guys not already like half storming the door the moment the shot was fired, why was there enough time for all of that before they got in? they easily could have busted it down/broken the glass and unlocked it.

See. First thing carisi does is put the ring back on. Im telling ya

That ending was just fucking depressing. Like, OBVIOUSLY HE’S NOT OKAY. And him turning down therapy is… expected, but also like, he needs it. If amanda finally buckled down and went, I think he can handle that. He never got any closure/help/comfort the last time he was held at gunpoint. Now this time, he’s going to be holding onto guilt and the blame of both people that died, the girl who was raped AND the fact that he lied to the younger perp. ALL of that is going to be a dark cloud over his head for god knows how long and he’s just going to clam up and say he's fine and not talk to amanda about it until it blows up way too big and late. AND we have to wait til January to get any kind of follow up? Ugh. Honestly, it’s time for him to retire/shift jobs/shift boroughs.

Neither episode tonight was great tbh. Peter’s acting was good, kelli’s was good. Those are about all the notes I have.

I’ll be watching Grey’s later and 911 likely tomorrow or whenever it decides to pop up on Disney.

[electrictoes]

It's really stupid that many EO fans are making a big deal of Rollins coming back at the start of the season.

Like, both shows could have explored more on EO at the start of 2023. But they didn't. Only thing was that one scene before the crossover event started. That's not Rollins' fault.

So I see no reason to blame her for delaying EO. It's not her fault the producers wanna keep baiting EO longer.

I think they're frustrated, but it is very much misplaced blame.

Ultimately, Dick Wolf will be the decision maker re: EO. Rollisi are more "B" couple territory and the writers probably had a lot more freedom to get them together. The B couple always move faster than the A couple in every single show, because the stakes are lower.

It's easy to feel resentful because we "got it all". I won't get into the sheer amount of Rollisi development that happened off screen, but from their persepctive, Rollins is getting scenes they think Liv should have. The bigger problem last season (but also in s22/23) was the amount of screentime wasted on music video montages and introspective thoughts of perpetrators and trauma porn showing the crimes. They would have the space for both Rollins and Liv to have those kind of scenes if they went back to a) not showing the crimes and b) not taking 5-10 minutes to bring in existing characters at the start of every episode.

Not to mention, the only person Liv has had meaningful conversations about Elliot with is Amanda. She might as well have been talking to a wall the back half of s24.

I understand why they're upset, but Rollins isn't taking anything away, she's adding. Also, Mariska and Kelli are clearly thrilled to be back filming together - Mariska probably pushed for her to come back - as they're so fond of saying she decides.

[shit-talk-turner]

I totally disagree.

firstly, because when Taylor posted photos or hinted something to Alex it was after the month of July, when they had both already broken up.

she still stayed at his house, she acted as if they were still together, while thousands of fans already knew about Louise's existence on Europe tour with him.

And another thing, Taylor wasn't clingier with the Wags in 2018 before the end just with Lola and Alyssa.

We rarely saw her, Katie and Kelly (Breana didn't like her) together.

So, no, I don't see any similarities. //

Mmkay, I said I saw similarities, not that they were the same person. If things were exactly the same, that'd be a bit deranged. And btw, I'm not even saying any of it is happening consciously... it just kind of seems like Alex's girlfriends since Alexa have followed a trend - all girly/happy when they start dating, and then the get progressively more edgy in their aesthetic, and seemingly also more miserable and insecure in general. Even Arielle who is a ball of sunshine and seems like an overall emotionally healthier person started dressing more edgy and leaning into that rocker aesthetic and started to get a bit gaunt. If he hadn't dumped her kind of prematurely, I'd guess she would go down a similar path.

Also, hard disagree on a lot of your points. First, Taylor hinted about him plenty during their relationship, and I was specifically referring to the pics at the end of it. Secondly, she wasn't hinting at him by posting the house where she literally lived - not a priviledge that Louise shares, which is why it reads more like hinting when she does it. And frankly, that may have been his house but it was also her home. For almost 2 years. Giving her time and space to find her own place is the least he could do after cheating on her and presumably dumping her. I don't blame her for taking him up on it, and her doing so isn't "acting like they were together" - in fact if anything she hinted that they weren't with the crying photo and such. Can you imagine if he were like "btw, I've been sleeping around, I'm leaving you for some French groupie, and oh also, you have 24 hours and then you're homeless!" Its clear you dont like Taylor, but how much of an asshole do you actually want Alex to be in this scenario?

As for the WAGs, you're right, Taylor was clingier with just Lola and Alyssa at the end; she was closer with Katie and Kelly earlier on. Louise is clingier with Amanda now. She made every effort to be closer with Katie earlier on. This is a parallel.

Sorry, but I don't get how you don't see similarities. I don't think they've broken up. I'm just saying I've noticed a pattern and in the past this pattern didn't end well.

^

[noa-nightingale]

we’ve never talked before (hi my name’s kelli!) but i just saw that you read crime and punishment and it’s become a life or death issue for me to know your opinions.!

she’s the best worst book i’ve ever read, and the worst best book. i love her, i hate her. she consumes my every waking thought.

Hello! :)

Ooooooh boy that book.

I hope you don't mind me rambling about it haha. I don't know where to start (or stop) so this will probably be messy.

Most of the time I am not really into reading from the perspective of a character I don't like - but this time I enjoyed it. Well, enjoyed is probably not the right word but Raskolnikow's thoughts and persepctive was endlessly fascinating to me, even though I disliked him and found his reasoning kind of horrifying.

Like, the whole concept that there is the broad mass who is only there to procreate and ensure that humandkind will continue existing and then there are people who are so special that they are above the law and above morality... it's a horrifying concept.

I think it was kind of inevitable that he turned himself in at the end. I did not doubt that he would do it for, like, the entire book. But having a surprise ending wasn't the point of the book - you have a murder that is not a mystery to you and you have an ending that you can predict from the start, and the whole thing is still so damn interesting.

What else?

Everyone is too damn patient with the guy lol. He does not deserve that many chances. He does not deserve Sofja's support. I can't blame Sofja for how she acted. She is a traumatized 18yo girl in a very vulnerable position. If anything, I can blame Raskolnikow for treating her how he does.

Oh! And Awdotja!

I also think it was obvious that she got together with Rasumichin in the end. Like... Who is the best choice for her?

Is it a) her shitty fiancé who wants her to worship him and look up to him and be inferior to him and thinks it is better to marry a poor woman so she has to be grateful to him and be indebted to him, b) her creepy ex-employer who tried to assault her and probably killed his wife, or c) her brother's friend who tried his best to help her and her mother and is generally a decent, good human being.

Rasumichin was actually one of my favorite characters. I fucking HATED Swidrigailow though. Most punch-able character of the entire book. I don't know how many faces I pulled when that creep got time on the pages.

The money troubles that Raskolnikow had where so stressful to me. And it was even more stressful to me that he threw money away (literally), that he refused opportunities to make money (when Rasumichin offered him the job of translating German texts into Russian and he just walked away), that he gave away money. Like, he pretended that killing the old woman was for her money but it was not about that at all, and it was just so damn stressful to me. Maybe because of my own money troubles idk lol.

I also think Lisaweta's role was kind of... underdeveloped? Raskolnikow could justify killing the old woman as much as he wanted to to himself, calling her a louse and everything... What about Lisaweta though? She ended up as someone who had to be murdered because she was a witness. Raskolnikow does not think about her as much as he thinks about the other woman he killed.

What did kind of shock me near the end was the death of his mother. It made me sad. She spent the entire book worrying about her son and in the end she died in a delirium without ever having seen him again. She deserved better.

I read the German translation btw (hence the spelling of the names - I am using the pronunciation of the German translation) and I rather liked it.

There are probably a thousand more things that can be said about the book but I'll leave it at that.

Thanks for the message! I enjoyed rambling for a while! :)

[fcb-mv33]

what is your last post about? what happened? did someone say bad things about max's family?

Some blog posted in the max tag this long ass rant about basically hoping that Kelly drops out of existence, P goes to live with her Dad and doesn’t have her mother in her life and also blaming max all cause some reporter used clips of the kid

Like lmao I don’t have any feeling towards Kelly but this was the oddest thing I’ve read in a while

[the-type-a]

Gonna give you ideas for your Duncney playlist. I don't have the energy to see if these are already on there, so I'll just drop them here. Also I'm not sure if these actually work for canon Duncney or the Duncney that exists only in my mind but EH.

-Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps (Doris Day) -The Last Time (Taylor Swift)

-Bad Blood (Taylor Swift)

-My Life Would Suck Without You (Kelly Clarkson)

-The Kids Aren't Alright (Fall Out Boy)

-The Countess and the Common Man (Anstasia)

-Catabolic Seed (The Scary Jokes)

-Two (Sleeping At Last)

-Colors (Halsey)

-Ghost (Halsey)

-Lethal Combination (The Wombats)

-Something There (Beauty and the Beast)

-A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into (Be More Chill) -Womanizer (Britney Spears)

-Community Gardens (The Scary Jokes)

-Where Were You (Maria Mena)

-Partners in Crime (Set it Off)

-Weak (AJR)

-Never Love an Anchor (The Crane Wives)

-It's Alright (Mother Mother)

-King (Florence + The Machine)

-Only Us (Dear Evan Hansen)

-Despair (leo.)

-Wolf in Sheep's Clothing (Set It Off)

-Everybody Loves a Clown (Gary Lewis & The Playboys)

-New Year's Eve (Mal Blum)

-Pardon Me (He Is We)

-The Way I Loved You (Taylor Swift)

-Broken (lovelytheband)

-Fire On Fire (Sam Smith)

-Burn/First Burn (Hamilton)

-What Do You Know About Love? (Frozen)

-Don't You Want Me (Glee version because shut up) -Sorry I Stole Your Girlfriend (Stereo Skyline)

-From Now On (The Greatest Showman)

-Animal (Neon Trees)

-All I've Ever Known (Hadestown)

-Congratulations (Hamilton, sung by Bridgette maybe?)

-Furniture (Owen Pallett)

-Human (Christina Perri)

-Fight For Me (Heathers)

-Seventeen (Heathers)

-I Won't Say I'm In Love (Hercules)

-Like Real People Do (Hozier)

-The Good In Me (Jon Bellion)

-I Like Me Better When I'm With You (Josh Wall)

-I'm Just Your Problem (Adventure Time)

-Thnks fr th Mmrs (Fall Out Boy)

-Toxic (Britney Spears)

-We're Gonna Be Okay (Cody Francis)

-I Could Say (Lily Allen)

-I've Had Enough (Melina KB)

-A Lovely Night (Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone)

-LOSER (Neoni)

-Love The Way You Lie (Part II) (Rihanna)

-Cruel Summer (Taylor Swift)

-Lay All Your Love On Me (Mama Mia)

-Kids Again (Artist Vs Poet)

-Doctor (Jack Stauber's Micropop)

-Anti-Hero (Taylor Swift)

-Moral of the Story (Ashe)

-Love Love Love (Of Monsters and Men)

-New Light (John Mayer)

-Crash (Neovaii)

-Girl Crush (Little Big Town)

-Still Into You (Paramore)

-interlude IV (Showtime) (Zach Callison, Grace Rolek)

-Love Again (Pentatonix)

-Buzzcut Season (Lorde)

-Small (chloe moriondo)

-Don't Blame Me (Taylor Swift)

-In Fact (Demo Version) (Gregory and the Hawk)

-This Feeling (The Chainsmokers)

-Traitor (Olivia Rodrigo)

-Mine (Taylor Swift)

-Don't Do Sadness (Spring Awakening)

-Crush Culture (Conan Gray)

-I See the Light (Tangled)

-Just a Friend to You (Meghan Trainor)

-Her (Loving You) (Glades)

-School Friends (Now, Now)

-Nothing (Bruno Major)

-Strange Sight (...Tinkerbell)

-Very Good Bad Thing (Mother Mother)

-It Took Me By Surprise (Maria Mena)

-The Zombie Song (Stephanie Mabey)

-Way less Sad (AJR)

-White Rabbit (Jawster)

-Call You Mine (The Chainsmokers)

-Your New Boyfriend (Wilbur Soot)

-Pools (Glass Animals)

I can feel you judging my music taste. Half of these are insanely basic and half are theater kid songs.

Added all the ones that weren’t there!

No judgement at all! I love the majority of this selection lmao but I will say… I’m very disappointed you did not mention Niall Horan with Moral of the Story, or Harry Styles’ cover of girl crush 👀😂

[hotchs-second-wife]

DON'T BLAME ME || 7 || Jay Halstead x Teddy Rhodes

Chapter Synopsis: With the Severides' sister missing, Teddy deals with it as best as she can. And with her birthday coming up, Jay needs as much insight as he can get.

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of drugs and drug addictions; description of depression; mild swearing; bad coping mechanisms to deal with stress; somewhat big personality change; dirty thoughts; rich person doing rich people shit, and her middle class husband being shocked; read ahead at your own risk.

Author's Note: I am studying psychological science at university, so all the knowledge about depression is either from my studies or from my own experience with depression. Starting to change up the photo above to be relevant to the chapter. The chapters will also have a single POV from now on. Also, eat the rich.

#

Jay

Keep an eye on Teddy. Her coping mechanisms are worse than Kelly's. Must be an eldest child thing.

That promise was hard to keep when the only place Teddy ever was outside work was our apartment. Even then, she barely came out for anything to eat. Halloway reasoned that she has a mini fridge in her office—both at home and the firehouse—to save her the effort while doing paperwork.

I was a bit put off by her mostly eating whatever fits in a mini fridge, but the only junk food I've ever seen her eat were a bag of chips once, watching a movie.

"I'm tired of being cooped up in here waiting for Lindsay's call. Let's go out." Teddy sighed, slipping a white rattan bag onto her shoulder and checking the contents. It matched well with the pink-and-white sundress that reached her ankles, and matching white shoes. "The housekeeper can come take care of Scout while we're out."

I stared up at the Louis Vuitton store from the sidewalk. "When you said 'go out', I didn't think you meant shopping."

"Retail therapy exists, Jay. And if my dad is going to keep throwing money at me for a grandchild, I'm going to spend said money on us." She smiled, fixing her sunglasses in the crown of her head before opening the front door.

My jaw was minutes from dropping as Teddy picked out bags and shoes she would buy, passing them off to me to carry. I had about three bags hanging from my arms and two pairs of shoes hooked into the fingers of each hand when she decided she was done. When I offered to carry her items, Teddy stared at me like I grew another head.

"I'm a firefighter, Jay. I think I can carry two bags to the car."

"Firefighter or not, you're still my wife." I pointed out. "My mother raised me well."

Teddy laughed, continuing on to the car regardless of whatever I say. "I have no doubt." As I drove to the mall nearby, Teddy stared at me. "I'm counting your freckles, not trying to stare into your soul, never fear."

"Counting my freckles for...?"

"A grounding technique," she reasoned. "Helps me to feel less overwhelmed by things. They're also really pretty."

My face heated at the compliment. "Thank you." She reasoned that it was the truth, and started telling me about the new candidate she was taking on.

Apparently, Search Squads could take a candidate right out of the academy—Teddy had done on multiple occasions—instead a candidate getting a truck placement. It wasn't too common for Search Squads to do this, since their equipment required significant careful handling, but the officers weren't too partial to picking out the elite academy students to take in.

"I know Rebecca graduated at the top of her class, but I didn't select her myself. I don't select people from the academy unless I put them in it." She sighed, holding her face. "She's only been given a placement on my team because of who her brother is."

I hummed a little unenthusiastic, as I looked for a parking space "I thought it was her dad that's the chief."

"He is, but her brother's my ex."

Crashing her car was the one thing keeping me from staring at her. Of course she dated people before we met, are you kidding? An attractive woman in her twenties, with money and a firefighter, no less. A lieutenant at that, only the cherry on top.

She wasn't overly tall, and she had slight curves. Thighs I would die to be smothered in, her hands in my hair—

"Jay. I'm starting to think you have a staring problem." Teddy looked back at her phone. "I have exes, as I'm sure you do too. And I've dated a firefighter or two in my career, but not since making lieutenant." Her eyes cast up at me, "and I'm not one to bail out of this marriage for someone else."

I felt my face heat up, thanking God that she thought I was annoyed at her having dated before and not thinking that I was wanting her to sit on my face.

"I'm not a virgin either, so you can get that hope out of your head too. I'm not an innocent virgin you can corrupt just because you're a few years older than me; I can be a bitch when I want to and I want to be spoiled every once and a while."

Noticing a small flower stand outside the mall, I pulled into the nearest parking space. "Then let me buy you some flowers." Teddy smiled at me, happily climbing out of the car and waited for me to join her before we stepped up to the flower stand.

"What can I get for you, loves?" The sweet elderly woman approached as Teddy checked out the flowers. "All hand picked from my garden, I'll tell you."

"They're beautiful."

I agreed with Teddy through a nod. "I'm just looking to get my wife some hyacinths."

The lady nodded, moving swiftly towards the stand to collect a small bunch. "I always love seeing young men like you buying flowers for their partners. It's a beautiful sight to see."

"He even brought me flowers when he picked me up from work last week." Teddy tucked her arm through mine, squeezing my lower arm.

"Oh, I remember my husband doing that." She wrapped the flowers with beautiful paper as she continued talking. "Seeing you two reminded me of us when we were young. So happy and full of life. I bet your parents are very happy for you both."

"My mom and dad adore him," my wife rubbed my arm, smiling as she talked about our wedding. I remembered Herrmann walking her down the aisle, given her father not attending the ceremony itself, and his wife, Cindy, gave the mother of the bride speech.

Kind of a given that Cindy would make that speech—Teddy had told me beforehand, since her mother couldn't do it. Herrmann was surprised to be asked to walk her down the aisle, Teddy having invited them and their kids over for dinner to ask them.

He'd teared up, promising that the wedding could have been that very moment and he'd still walk her down the aisle.

I loved her relationship with Herrmann, knowing what her relationship with her father was like. I knew she had someone she could count on if I ever messed up so horribly that I needed a punch in the face.

Not that I doubted her squad wouldn't do that first, or Kelly. Shay was, honest to god, Teddy's number one protector, so she would probably beat everyone else to the punch. Literally.

"Oh, you found a real sweetheart then. I'll think of you as my daughter whenever I wish her marriage was just as sweet." The elderly lady smiled, holding Teddy's hands before passing over the flowers. I handed her enough money for a sum of a tip for her service, and we headed inside the mall after a happy goodbye.

Teddy held the flowers on her arm, staring at them as we walked through the building. I knew something was up, and when I asked, she just gave me a sigh. "That was my grandmother."

"What?"

"That daughter she was talking about was my mom." She readjusted the flowers on her arm as she continued to explain. "After my mom died, and I became the typical rich party-girl, my father cut off my maternal grandparents and we've never heard from them again."

"She didn't recognise you."

"She's old, Jay. And it's been almost eighteen years since she even heard about her grandkids. My grandfather has dementia, and she's been spending all her time that isn't spent taking care of him outside this place. Every time I want to tell her that it's me, her granddaughter, I chicken out. I think that maybe she's better off only worrying about her husband."

"That's ridiculous." I scoffed, before realising how rude that could have sounded. "I'm sorry, but you should tell her who you are. I know you buy from her all the time because the logo on the flowers I just got you and the ones you buy all the time are the same.

"She seems like a lovely woman, and you clearly get along well enough when she thinks you're just a regular customer. I'm sure she would love to know her great-granddaughter as much as she'd want to know her granddaughter."

When I felt like I'd said too much, or said the wrong thing based on Teddy's silence, some woman approached us with a snarky look on her face. "If it isn't Thea Rhodes with another boytoy."

"Hello, Clementine." The tone of Teddy's voice was all I needed to know that we didn't like this woman.

Clementine St. Clair. Pretentious, number 1 at backhanded compliments. Typical popular girl in highschool, only got into college because dear old daddy paid for the Dean to take her. Heiress to St. Clair Brewery, not that she's good at anything other than being a two-faced snake.

Teddy gave me a rundown of all the faces I'd eventually meet in high society. Most of them she apparently didn't like, and the one she figured I would like no longer partook in any events since he left for the Rangers.

Her ex-fiancé, and her best friend from birth, that she didn't want to marry anyway.

"Have you gave up on that fireman dream now?"

"It's called a firefighter now, and no. Claire's going to take over the company instead." Teddy gave this Clementine the fakest smile I'd ever seen on her. "My father's grooming her to be the face of the company anyway."

"Oh, so you're stepping out of high society." Clementine sneered.

Teddy scoffed in return. "You wish. Someone has to show up to Madelyn's birthday and prove you can actually live without daddy's money."

"Speaking of birthdays! Isn't yours coming up?" Clementine snickered. "Not that we would know, since you never do any big galas for your birthday."

"I wouldn't want some two-faced snakes making my day about them, now would I?" Teddy's smile didn't even falter as a man wrapped an arm around Clementine. "Oh, Jeremiah, how are you?"

"I'm well, Theodosia, thank you. This must be your husband Clem's told me about." Jeremiah reached his hand out to shake mine.

I shook his hand, with a glance at Teddy. "I guess marrying below our status is the new thing, huh? How's it been, man?"

"Well, I'm engaged now, but I'm sure Will told you. I can't believe you settled down." Jeremy laughed, turning to his fiancée. "I went to school with the Halsteads. Theodosia's a lucky woman to have Jay's heart."

"You're telling me," Teddy grinned as she took my hand.

My heart raced at her touch, and I begged myself to not blush. "Really, I'm the lucky one. Someone like her looking my way?"

Jeremy laughed, "tell me about it. I'm sure Will's happy to finally have a sister-in-law."

"I haven't heard from him since I sent him the invite to the wedding." Sensing Teddy's tension, I squeezed her hand. "But I'm sure he's excited to meet you when he comes to visit."

"Will's always wanted a sister," Jeremy told my wife. "He used to say all the time how he wished Jay was a girl so he'd have a sister."

"How cute." Clementine scoffed lightly, as it was clearly painful for her to be nice even about her fiance's friends.

"Will you be a stay-at-home dad once there's a mini you running around?" Jeremy joked.

I liked the thought, almost as much as I liked my job. "We'll see."

"We're still trying," Teddy lied through her teeth. It was a little scary how easily she could do that.

Clementine crossed her arm over her chest. "I want to go home now."

"You heard her. We should catch up for dinner one night, on me!" Jeremy waved as he jogged after Clementine.

Teddy bit her lip until they were out of earshot before laughing. "I'll never understand why he's marrying her."

"I guarantee it's not for the money. Jeremy's loaded."

"I didn't know you knew Jeremiah." She wrapped her arm around mine, as we kept walking.

"He was friends with Will when we were in school. Jeremy and I got a little close when Will moved away for college, but that sort of crashed and burned when I left for the Rangers."

Teddy rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm sure he doesn't resent you for leaving too. He's a great guy."

Jeremy and Will were closer than I ever was with Will, and while I had left as soon as I could, Jeremy was there when Mom died. Will wasn't. In a way, Jeremy was more a big brother to me than my actual brother was.

So, I was glad he and Teddy already knew each other and got along, despite the fact my wife didn't like his fiancee. Maybe I could ask him for advice on Teddy's birthday present.

[hitchell-mope]

(A Much Needed Talk)

Kelly: I’m guessing you didn’t ask me over her for dinner?

Mon El: is there enough food to feed ten armies on the table?

Kelly: no.

Mon El: then no.

Kelly: this is about Alex’s outburst isn’t it?

Kara: well uh yes and no.

Mon El: here.

Kelly: Martha Kent’s phone number?

Kara: she helped me. She can help you.

Mon El: now we know Alex doesn’t want-

Kelly: no. You’re right. Resources are everything. You need every single thing you can get when you have a child. I’m sorry about hiw she acted towards you.

Kara: ah don’t worry. Remember what I was like after the twins were born?

Kelly: you threatened to throw Samantha out of the window

Mon El: you didn’t?

Kara: not my finest moment. But I was grieving you and I blamed her for it. Anyway. Esme is not the twins. For one thing she’s older.

Mon El: and she has more powers. All they have is daxonian powers. Esme has the potential of every single one in existence. Not only ours but so many we don’t even know about yet.

Kelly: you’ve got a plan haven’t you?

Mon El: don’t we always.

Kara: convince Alex to call and talk to Martha. And also consider taking some measures to help Esme.

Kelly: like what?

Mon El: off the top of my head. Ask Brainy to make some 30th century doohickeys that Esme can wear in her ears. Her ears are pierced right?

Kelly: yes.

Kara: perfect. She can even pick out the style that she wants.

Kelly: that could work. That could work really well

Mon El: and if she ever wants to make me fly across the room again. I am more than happy to oblige.

Kelly: she’ll be very happy to hear that.

Mon El: now I’ve got four pigs in the oven but I can cook another one for you if you want to stay for dinner?

Kelly: thanks Mon but I should be getting home. Esme likes us to read to her.

Kara: you want one of us to fly you?

Kelly: nah. I drove.

Mon El: get back safely.

Kara: and good luck.

(End of A Much Needed Talk)

[bearpillowmonster]

I watched Days of Future Past last night and I decided that since it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, maybe I'd check the comic, it's probably the most popular and I saw potential in the story so I tried it out.

It starts with a retelling, getting us caught up with early X-Men lore which I guess I sort of needed since the movies and cartoons are what I'm more familiar with but I could've picked it up easily. The second issue is Nightcrawler's birthday and he basically dies from one of his gifts. Wait, is any of this relevant? No. No. No. Ok, Uncanny #141, now we're at the time travel.

So differences from the movie, they hunt mutants but it's more complex.

Year 2013? Huh, and the movie was 2014, that's nifty. Then M is hunted but certain individuals are allowed to live and work for the Sentinels so it's a wasteland but not an apocalypse. The movie just lobbed H and A together and said that any of them could breed mutants, I guess, it was a really quick line. Colossus and Kitty are an item. Then Rachel is the one who sends them back in time, who is Jean and Scott's daughter. So all that build up and you failed to mention that? I had to look that up on my own? Oh...this is her first appearance...they probably didn't even know themselves. Also Kitty is the one to go back to 1980.

Some of those previous comics explain certain relationship aspects like Kitty's hesitation towards Nightcrawler but I didn't care enough to have them there.

They're after Kelly not Trask. To a degree, I see why they changed some of these things, Wolverine was the main of the movies and it's a good excuse that his mind could take it and they already had Kelly be a plot point before, Trask was something people wanted for a while as well as Sentinels so it only made sense to make it correspond. They're also after Charles himself and Moira, who is his colleague. She's in First Class but I wouldn't blame you for not knowing that.

Those two are actually invited to the meeting to debate Kelly. These people know mutants exist and who they are, they even pick them out in a crowd. So yeah, the X-Men are already established. Destiny is there so another mutant that does the opposite and tells the future- in the past, so they get vague stuff like "there's an anomaly" meaning Kitty but they don't know what and don't see as far as 2013.

They can move Kitty's body so there's no need to have someone sitting there holding her head all day while she's in time, so yes, they do jump back and forth to show 2013. Magneto had a wheelchair btw, that's poetic. I'm sorry?! what is that?

Wolverine's electric piss beam? Hello? Wtf? But it basically ends at that same meeting where they fight and in the movie, Wolverine is bent out of shape from seeing Stryker, making him lose his time grounding but with Kitty, she just has it after we see her friends in the future getting killed, only to assume that she too was found and killed and the original Kitty took over again. Yeah.

And the rest of the collection is a- am I reading this right? An alien comic. No like this thing looks almost verbatim

Purple Xenomorph with a dual head and eyes as it chases Kitty through the mansion. How is this con- you know what, I'm not gonna bother. So while the comic ending is bold, I liked the movie better but I have a bit more of an understanding where it went wrong because it had to push to expand the comic, putting in all that Magneto stuff at the end and having a second confrontation with the president this time. They show various villains that happen to be in the white house at the end of the comic but it's just a tease, the movie didn't do it because they literally used those characters in other movies and killed them off, I could see them trying to flesh that idea out though. Where does that go exactly? It's not in this collection.

I really don't know specifics, the wiki just says Black Air and time manipulators so maybe it would be the other way around, I don't know. Overall, not so impressed with it but I like the characterization.