#also any excuse for people to be aro or ace or aroace I will take

[xxxcertifiednerdxxx]

as someone who hates love triangles, here are some solutions I’ve come up with so we don’t have to deal with anymore awkwardness:

Everyone involved in the love triangle realizes they are aro/ace and they all just want to be friends

one person involved in the love triangle realizes they are aro/ace and they others can be in a relationship and be close friends with aro/ace person

polyamorous relationship

they all die

Any more suggestions are welcome, but I’m not taking constructive criticism on what I’ve already said.

[oscconfessions]

Sigh... I'm gonna add my two cents about the Balloon arospec drama(I'm AroAce BTW) and by my two cents I mean I'll mention it two times and just talk about something else related. I'll also be providing some knowledge about AroAceness and all that.

For those of you who don't know,

Aro: Aromantic - Little to no romantic attraction.

Ace: Asexual - Little to no sexual attraction.

Aro+Ace are spectrums and aren't just "every Aro person doesn't feel any kind of romantic attraction" or "every Ace person can't feel sexual attraction." I feel as tbough people forget that all the time so I wanted to remind you lot haha.

I'm noticed this kind of drama a few times, where people argue about a character on where they are on the AroAce spectrum. It's difficult for me to put what I think into words here, but if a character(either canon AroAce or not) doesn't have a canon placement on the spectrum then whatever, go wild.

To help with my previous statement, I'll use SakiK from... SaikiK. People generally agree he's AroAce, yet people argue about where he is on that spectrum(mainly the Aromantic part). Since it's not ever stated where he is on that spectrum(or even if he is AroAce but SHHHSHSHHSH 🤫🤫), everyone has their own interpretation of it.

I believe it should be the same for Balloon, unless Balloon comes on screen and says "I am *insert very specific thing here* " as he points to a picture of the Aro spectrum then its to to you. Obviously, don't make him a sex crazed fiend or constantly searching for love, you eejit, but it should be up to interpretation.

A little off-topic here, sorry, but I wanted to bring up umbrella terms in both the Aro and Ace spectrums(I'm included ace because eh why not! This is for my people who HC Balloon as Aro AND Ace 🙏🙏)

Here are some terms under both the aro and ace spectrums. I feel as though you guys and many, MANY others tend to forget that there are umberlla terms for AroAce. I'll define them below:

Ace umbrella:

Aceflux: someone whose sexual orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the asexual spectrum

Greysexual: only experience sexual attraction some of the time, and sometimes not at all.

Demisexual: An individual who does not experience sexual attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed.

Aro umbrella:

Aroflux: someone whose romantic orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the aromantic spectrum

Greyromantic: Some may feel a strong emotional connection with others but do not desire romantic relationships, while others may feel a weak romantic attraction to some people but not all.

Demiromantic: An individual who does not experience romantic attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed.

Now, there are MANY more, feel free to add in the replies or the reblogs (o: !

Also, my apologies that this post was very long! Also also, my personal opinion on Balloons arospec thing? Idfk, lmao. TBH, this was kinda an excuse to just talk about stuff I like and am interested in so... 👍I've seen the tweet where one of the people who worked on II said yes, Balloon is meant to be Aro, but I couldn't tell you if they went into specifics about it. Sorry for constantly saying AroAce instead of just aro for Balloon, I felt like it was still important to include all my asexuals out there and educate others about it.

(BTW! Any inaccurate info, PLEASE, PLEASE correct in the replies)

Anyway!

TL;DR:

If a character who is just stated to be AroAce(not demi, grey, flux ETC) and never has their place on the spectrum explained whatsoever, it's okay to have a little fun experimenting with it IYKWIM. As I've stated, we all have our own interpretation of the AroAce character and there's no point arguing about it and getting mad because that's fucking stupid, unless they start actively getting rid of the AroAce rep then burn them to the stakes! /j

I know how wild you mother fuckers can be, so don't shank me please. If you disagree, take a deep breath and remain calm because getting all pissy about this isn't gonna do shit. Try to go about it calmly and reasonably. <3

I'd love to see others' opinions on this, remember to be respectful! 🩵

.

[showsandstuff]

Anon, aro people can be in relationships 😭 I understand your intentions are good, but you’re not helping aro people by insisting that they can only be single. Aros can be in a romantic relationship. Aros can be in a relationship that looks romantic but isn’t (bc a person’s orientation depends on their feelings of attraction, not what it looks like to other people). Aros can be romance-repulsed. Aros can hate shipping. Aro can love shipping, even with aro characters. Attraction, feelings of romantic love, and/or platonic love can be a complicated thing. It’s not always a black and white “either you do or you don’t.” I know Aro erasure is a frustratingly real thing and I’m not gonna pretend some Hazbin fans aren’t doing that, but if we’re gonna fight erasure, we gotta uplift the aro art we like and ignore the fanworks we don’t vibe with instead of arguing that that it isn’t good rep. Because I promise you there are real life aromantic people who do all the kissy sappy stuff with partners they are happily married to but are still aro.

Signed, a romance-repulsed Aro who doesn’t ship Chalastor. Or doesn’t really ship Alastor romantically at all, really 😅

I Know this was intended for the other Anon, but I wanna give my own to cents to this as well!

I agree with the anon here + I also am a romance repulsed aromantic, but there’s one thing that I believe is important to mention, just to be fair to all sides of the argument.

“AroAce people can still date” is a true statement but often feels like an excuse to ship whatever you want to ship regardless, because many times, thats all that it is to the people using that. An excuse. They don’t really care about Aro Ace rep, they just wanna ship something without being deemed problematic.

Now, my argument regarding this matter is: You don’t actually need an excuse.

I already said this on another post but I will say it here again, you don’t have the ability to take away any representation. Ofc its always good to still be respectful about it, but if you ship him you absolutely do not need to feel bad about it! Have fun, enjoy the fandom, literally!

The creators themselves are very clearly in support of shipping, the only people who seem to have a problem are those that don’t understand that it really doesn’t matter for canon if Alastor is shipped in the fandom. Canon Alastor stays aroace, no matter what people do with fanon.

[queerstake]

I'm sorry for sending this, but I'm. In kind of a weird spot. I don't really have many other places i can turn. I figured out several years ago that i am aro/ace, and for awhile I just thought that was okay. Still okay with church. Just more open than others might be to the queer community. But it's gotten so hard as I've come to fully understand myself. That I'm non-binary. That I am pan for tertiary/alterous attraction. And now I've got a genderfluid datemate. I love them with all my heart. They aren't part of the church. I didn't tell them that I was raised LDS until after we started dating, but they realized a long while ago. They've been supportive and understanding of my position through everything.

But I have a hard time with a lot of the culture that has developed around the church, and I find I don't want to go anymore. Maybe it would be easier if I knew more queer members, but I don't. Any friends i have learned are queer have left.

My family isn't friendly to the queer community, which hurts like hell, because I want to tell them about my partner. My family means so much to me. I want them to be okay with the fact that I still believe in God and Jesus, but I just don't want to be "active".

Even being a "good active member" is mentally exhausting for me. It puts so much mental and social strain on me. Social stuff is extremely mentally exhausting for me. Doesn't help that my dad is emotionally abusive. I know it isn't like this for everyone, but I'm just so tired.

I don't have a lot of people in my life that really understand where I'm at, I'm so sorry for dumping this here. You can delete it. Thank you for what you do, hope you're safe and well.

Hi anon. Your message is about a year old as I'm answering it now, and I'm sorry for making you wait so long. I had some work to do myself before I could dedicate myself to this blog fully, and now that I'm here and ready, I want to start tackling the inbox.

Given that it's been so long, I'm sure your life has changed since you sent this message. I hope you're doing better.

Your message sounds very familiar, actually. I'm also an aroace and trans member. By the time covid came around and church meetings stopped for a period of time, I myself was worn out from struggling to keep up. I think you and me felt much the same. I used the excuse of covid to take a brief church break to figure out how I was going to make being a queer mormon work. I felt awful for having to take time off, but in the end, it really was the right choice for me. I was able to work on myself and my relationship to the church while setting aside some of the pressure I had put myself under for so long and now that I've built myself up stronger, I'm able to come back and foster a healthier relationship to the church.

I'm so glad you have a good relationship with your datemate to help you during this time! Being a queer mormon is really hard. We have to make concessions and reckon with our faith the way many straight mormons don't have to. It IS exhausting. I imagine god has put your datemate in your life in order to help give you the support you need right now.

If you or anyone else needs permission, please DO take a break. God doesn't want you to suffer, and you can't foster a good relationship with him if you're suffocating. Taking a break or not being active is not a bad thing. In fact, it was a REALLY good thing for me and really helped me come back to church even stronger than before.

I'm sorry to hear you were and are going through so much anon, and I hope some of the things I've said at least have helped you feel not alone. If you are able to take a break from church right now, I encourage you to do it! Heal and wrestle with god on your own time. You don't owe anyone anything, and god will be there with you no matter where you go. If you are unable to take a break for some other reason, know you're not alone. We understand you, we've been through the things you're going through, you're welcome to reach out any time you need support. Being a queer mormon is so hard and can be so lonely. Your queer siblings and your heavenly father are here for you.

[the-cinnamon-snail]

Oh I'm gonna take the Brutal version of the Rottmnt Kin test, it can't be that bad, right?

*gets read like a fucking book*

Michealangelo

Must be fun trying to fix problems that were never even yours to begin with, cause you sure seem to do that A LOT. You cry when your upset because that's the only time anyone ever actually notices how your feeling. And no matter how shitty your parents seem to treat you, you still would feel guilty for even raising your voice at them. You're not naive no matter how much people think you are but you do have your moments were empathy seem to defy all matters of logic. Either your siblings raised you or you raised yourself. You probably have a difficult time trying to motivate yourself to do things for yourself but push through it simply because people want you to. You've been the victim of a couple really shitty friendships that could've been avoided if you hadn't been so busy trying to make excuses for all their red flags. Also I can't help but notice a large amount of Mikey kinnies that are on the aro/ace spectrum, love you all to pieces.

So uh. Yeah. Accurate as fuck test. I'm crying. Yes I'm on the AroAce spectrum, thanks for noticing. And wow there's another reason I named myself Mikey, okay.

But why does it have to be so accurate why does it feel like I've been stabbed in the chest‽‽‽‽‽

[adamantwench]

Okay, I've seen this post and it is absolutely ridiculous. So I had to make this giga post of my own.

I will address this. Yelena's creator has recently said the character is not aro and that that's a headcanon made by fans and talked about her sexuality and they are STILL denying that and trying to convince people that she is??

It is one thing y'all have a headcanon, no matter what said hc is, and it is beautiful. But saying these lies and sh*t? Please, I've read the comics, watched the movie and watched Hawkeye. Where is she suppose to be aro there, like this post claims?

In that ambiguous panel of the comic they always refer to, the one Devin Grayson confirmed in the past to have (as anyone who'd read the comics would notice) "many interpretations"?

Or was it when Devin used the word "aro" and later she admitted she used it thinking the word had a different meaning (they always choose to ignore all Graysons messages after this, because they deny what they want) and that she viewed Yelena more as an ace woman attracted by women?

Or was it last week when she shared a publication on her twitter referring as several headcanons (and she literally says the word "headcanon") to talk about these fans who would like Yelena to be aro and other headcanons to state Yelena still hasn't a specific sexuality not in the comics and not in MCU? (Plus she also answered this individually).

Tell me again exactly where it is that Yelena was developed as aro and why do you ignore Devin Grayson's (her literal creator) words when she's been asked about it. (There are several screenshots. Yes, after the one where she used that word wrong and then admitted it and clarified it. But they always ignore the rest). Thing she'll regret all her life, based on the last conversations with her where she says she's tired of having to explain this this month so many times and tired of watching people fight for this (at the bottom you can see she is tired of clarifying that as for now it is up to every fan to have any interpretation about her. I don't know how to make it clearer than this. She doesn't know how to do this anymore either):

I'm ace so don't even try to play victim with me, your sexual orientation doesn't excuse lying. What pisses me the most is that you ignore the character creators words when she's been asked repeatedly this month about this issue. She's given a clear answer (that Yelena being aro is a headcanon and she has not an established sexuality, therefore any interpretation of the fans about her is absolutely valid) and you still LIE to people and tell them "she is aro, it is canon" to invalidate their headcanons and their ways of being happy?? By making shit up and ignoring Grayson?? That's not fucking it people. That's being a liar, that will not get you what you want to achieve, that is not the way. And it will only bring you hate from half the fandom, at least. Be respectful and honest with others if you want them to be like that with you.

If someone needs a good post to read about this, explained with better manners, very well documented, thorough and detailed about this (panels from the comic, sticking to the canon, things said by Grayson, etc) here you go:

https://adamantwench.tumblr.com/post/672039357775069184/yelena-is-aroace-why-is-it-so-hard-for-you-to

If you want to see Devin Grayson literally addressing this issue this last month, here you go too (with screenshots):

https://adamantwench.tumblr.com/post/671481730904047616/take-a-moment-to-read-this-and-ship-and-let-ship

I don't want to hear about this anymore. I know I will and other people will too, sadly. And we'll clarify it again and again (although it is not something that needs to be clarified. But you keep lying to people and some of them believe those lies. So, we won't stop telling the truth either. I guess that sucks. As I said, getting validation does not condone lying, that is not the way to achieve anything. It's only the way to give you bad reputation and hate from the community).

[saiki-sideblog]

Shipping saiki with anyone is aro/ace phobic it is clearly implied he doesn't feel any attraction to anyone the closest thing we got was when he became obsessed with someone not even romantic

Uuuuuh??? Ok???? I'm not sure if you're trying to call me out for something or if this is just supposed to be a general PSA that you're coming to my blog to get out there, but I'm gonna try to dissect this from every angle I can think of.

First of all, if you're trying to accuse me, I myself am incredibly aro ace and am fucking so grateful for the representation. That's so hard to find and is part of the reason I was drawn to the show.

I know I've reblogged a few posts regarding the Saiki and Satou ship in the past, but I don't actually ship it myself. If I'm reblogging content regarding the ship it really has more to do with the dynamics surrounding it that I think are fun concepts. Usually related to how his powers affect his ability to form relationships in one way or another. Honestly I'd like to see all these concepts in the light of a QPR or something could be cool and more accurate representation. It's not like ace aro people can't love at all. They just aren't attracted to people's physical appearances

I think it's incredibly important to acknowledge that he's aroace, but the thing is... most people aren't aroace and those people are going to have a tendency to instinctively pair characters off in their heads without thinking about it. Especially when one of those characters is explicitly shown to be obsessed (your own words) with another character. If someone wants to explore those dynamics that's fine with me, as long as they aren't actually actively rooting for these ships to occur in canon. Shipping something doesn't necessarily mean you want the relationship between characters to happen in the actual franchise. The whole concept of shipping is kind of complicated tbh. But as long as someone is making content about how Saiki is aro ace in canon while also creating side concepts regarding the possibility of possibly dynamics, I don't see a big problem with it

The next point I have is something I'm kind of conflicted on myself. That's the point of cupioromanticism and romance neutral aromantics. I myself love to refer to myself as "very aro" but I was calling myself that even as I was in a relationship. It's possible to be aromantic and in a romantic relationship. The conflicting part is that a lot of people use that as an excuse to ship aro characters and completely disregard their orientation. But it's a whole lot more complicated than that. I consider myself mostly romance neutral (which is the aromantic equivalent of being a sex neutral asexual, which is probably more commonly known and understood) but I still had very strict boundaries about it when I was in my relationships, and I didn't always have the energy to keep up with my partners. My most notable relationship was an open relationship so my partner could fill in the blanks, because I have a fairly low romantic threshold if we did something particularly romantically investive I would need to straight up take a break from the relationship altogether. Just a few days to recuperate and reenergize.

Basically my last point (that last paragraph) comes down to "You can totally be in a romantic relationship and be aro, but a lot of people use that knowledge to ignore a canon minority and essentially demonstrate erasure."

Not to bring in a completely separate media franchise into this, but Bojack Horseman did a really good job at explaining some of this stuff in regards to their asexual character. They dive into how asexual people can be in romantic relationships, but not all asexuals want to. Some are also aro. And while it is in passing, they mention that some asexuals do have and enjoy sex. This doesn't explore all these concepts and ways people experience these things in depth, but it does open up every angle, leaving all of the other ways people can experience these things on the table and easily able to be figured out by an audience of people new to these concepts if they just think about it for a minute. But they keep it well defined where the character stands and how his asexuality affects his relationships and how it complicates things.

All of that is to say, shipping culture is super weird, but as long as someone is very vocal and supportive of the fact Saiki is in fact aro ace, I would allow the allos a little bit of shipping content. As a treat. Just don't ignore his practically confirmed identity just to get all mushy on a character who would hate that.

But honestly, I don't see much of a need to ship Saiki with much of anyone when Shun and Aren are right there.

[asexual-society]

So I've known for a while now that I'm ace (which I'm fine with and actually relieved by) but recently I realized that I'm also aro and honestly it's been kind of a mess.

On one hand I'm glad to finally have a label, to understand why I don't ever fall in love and find comfort knowing that there's nothing wrong with me, that there's others who feel the same.

But on the other hand it is kind of devastating? While I've been on the fence with having kids, getting married and finding "The One" was something I always imagined for myself even as a little kid. And while I don't mind being single or living alone (it's actually quite nice) it is still part of my goals in life. But knowing that my orientation prevents me from ever liking someone in a way that would make me want to spend my life with them is hard. It feels like a betrayal, you know?

And like that's not enough already there's also the internalized shame of staying single. There's this societal expectation to find someone and if you don't there's something wrong with you. And I'm scared of the rumors, I'm scared of the questions, I'm scared of being the single person in a world full of couples.

I'm running out of excuses and explanations. Coming out is also not an option. Especially to my family. My cousin came out as gay and later trans and while my relatives say they're supportive you would not believe the comments they make when we're alone (because him not hearing it makes it ok, right? It's just jokes and genuine concern, don't make a big deal out of it) And while I was 100% set on never saying anything about being aroace this whole thing just made me crawl even deeper in my closet. Besides I know they wouldn't understand that I'm not making it up, that it's a real orientation, that it's not because being LGBT is now "cool", that I'm not just insecure because I never had a boyfriend and that childhood crushes don't prove im actually allo.

This accidentally turned into a rant, I'm sorry, I don't have anyone else to talk to about these things.

My actual question was: Do you have any tips to help me accept the way I feel and let go of my dream to get married one day? Are there others dealing with the same issue?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that anon, it can be really hard to come to terms with your identity, especially if you don't have a support system. I just want to say before anything else that regardless of whether you come out or not, that's okay, your comfort and safety come first and you don't owe anyone that information. At some point people will stop asking you why you're single, although I usually use "I'm not really interested", which has served me well so far, but you could try "I'm too busy" or "It's not the right time" instead. I know it's easy for me to say, but confidence and security in your identity does come with time, and it won't always feel so shameful or embarrassing. I care a lot about what people think of me in most things, but about the fact I'm single? Why do they care so much? They should get a hobby instead of putting their nose in my business.

Learning to grow past the desires we had when we were younger and the dreams we had for what our lives would look like in the future is never easy, and you're not alone in struggling. For me it took a while to figure out what I really wanted after I came out, whether that be marriage or a queerplatonic partner or kids or a house with friends or a little flat with several cats, but sometimes it takes actually seeing someone living that life to recognise it as an option.

I knew pretty early on after I came out that I didn't want to get married (although I'd dreamt of it for my whole childhood), but it took 2 years after that to decide I didn't want kids at all (either biological or adopted), and I'm still not sure if I'll ever be in a long term committed relationship of any kind, but you can still have those things! Being aroace doesn't prevent you from having a committed relationship if that's something you want, it just might look a little different from what other people have.

It might help you to try and figure out what you do want your future to be like with this new information. It doesn't have to be a complete overhaul of all the things you used to want, you're just rethinking it with the new information you have. If getting married is something you really want, you could have that with a QPP, or if the idea of a big wedding always low-key freaked you out, now you know why and you can hold onto that idea when you're feeling bad about not having one.

My biggest advice however, is to find examples of people who are happily single into old age. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, but that can be hard to internalise, I think one issue that younger aro people in particular struggle with is a lack of role models; it's hard to imagine living past 40 if all the people you see older than that are in relationships or married with kids. Read about unconventional relationships and found families or single people who adopt or people who are married to their work and know that your life can be filled with all this joy in different forms and that marriage is only one of countless ways you can live.

- mod key

[officialleotolstoy]

So how about that aro Pierre elaboration? <3

Yes absolutely!!

Disclaimer this only applies to Great Comet!Pierre. I have thots on arospec W&P Pierre too but they’re very different

The line that really tipped me off to this is in Dust and Ashes, where he says “but if I die here tonight/I die in my sleep” in the context of “they say we are asleep until we fall in love”. The implication here being that Pierre hasn’t fallen in love. You could argue that he’s just not in love right now, but the phrasing kind of implies it’s a one-time awakening that Pierre hasn’t gone through yet. This makes sense in the context of the play, where the only “romantic” relationship he’s ever said to have/tried to have is with Hélène, whom he’s very clearly not in love with.

To me, Dust and Ashes is about mental illness (duh) but also the fear that you’ll never fall in love/haven’t fallen in love so there’s something wrong with you and you won’t be whole until you do, and that in the context of aro Pierre makes my head spin a little! Also this coming directly after Dolokhov tells him “you can’t love her” so jeeringly in The Duel…I like to think that really hit Pierre where it hurts, especially the use of the word can’t - not won’t, not don’t, but can’t. It’s not possible for Pierre, and that really messes with him. (Obviously that’s not an excuse for his treatment of her! And I am aware that’s probably not what the line was intended to mean but I’m rubbing my grubby little aroace hands all over it and there’s nothing you can do about it).

So Act One Pierre’s aro-ness is really very much “oh my gosh there’s something wrong with me and I’ll never be whole because I haven’t loved romantically”. Act Two is the good part :)

The “if I were not myself etc etc” speech is likely intended to be some profession of romantic love, and most people take it as such, but I don’t because I’m smarter and cooler and have better takes than everyone else (/j) and I will aro and/or ace-ify anything I can get my hands on. It’s especially thrilling to take the romantic climax of a piece of media and be like mmmmm no :) this is platonic now :) cause i said so :). So! The important bit of that speech to me is the “if I were not myself” part of the line. Though Pierre doesn’t say it, there’s an unspoken “but I can’t” at the end of his confession, and that’s what I focus on. That part of the line is certainly supposed to be “oh I’m not good enough for you!1!1!” But what if I just decided it was “I literally physically cannot” because I wanted it to mean that, what are you gonna do then?

I do not like Pierretasha for a myriad of reasons, so I like to kind of forcibly reframe that confession as “I care about you and trust you enough that if I was someone else who was in love with you, I would absolutely be okay with marrying you right now”. It’s an expression of trust in Natasha, not of romantic love for her. He’s just using marriage as the example because that’s what’s on her mind at the moment.

(Of course, all of this falls apart in the context of the book but the wonderful thing about the play is we don’t have any of that hanging around to mess stuff up)

“But Wren!” You cry, “If Pierre cares about her platonically, why is he so obsessed with it? Why does he think it heals him? Why all the callbacks to his inability to really feel at the beginning?” (Digression, my favorite one is “frozen at the center” in Pierre vs “my newly melted heart” in Great Comet of 1812).

But that’s the best part!!! The arc I have in my head is that Pierre has learned that romantic love is NOT the pinnacle of feeling and the purpose of existence. It’s okay if he doesn’t ever feel that! He’s kind, generous, warmhearted, and loves platonically, and that’s fine. He doesn’t need anything else to be a complete person. Seeing Natasha like that affects him so strongly because he realizes oh wow… I can take care of her and care about her so much and it’s platonic, I don’t need to feel romantic love to be worth something. And it sticks with him because it’s a pivotal moment in his self-perception. He gets to go from loathing himself for not being something he can’t even be in the first place to loving the way he loves!

You can imagine why that makes me, an aroace person, go a little bit insane. I think more arcs of platonic love and the importance of that are desperately needed in media, and I would love to see that more.

(Again, I realize this was not the play’s intention and I am purposely interpreting these lyrics weirdly. I don’t think this is the only reading, or even the “canon” one but when you’ve only seen yourself explicitly represented once in fiction, you get really really good at scrounging up crumbs!)

[fruitquake]

realizations pt. 2

part one

read it on ao3

Regulus Black knows he doesn’t like girls. He wishes he did. It would make everything so much easier. But at some point, you have to accept that maybe you aren’t just a late bloomer. Maybe it isn’t just that you “haven’t found the right girl yet”. Maybe it’s just who you are.

Aside from knowing he definitely doesn’t like girls, though, it’s all very confusing. It seemed like a logical conclusion that if he doesn’t like girls, he must like boys.

But then, James Potter kissed him, and he’s pretty sure that if he were gay, it would’ve felt… special. Or it would’ve felt like anything at all. But rather, it felt exactly the same as kissing girls: uncomfortably and wetly smashing your mouths together. He didn’t say any of this to James. He didn’t say anything, actually, just left with what he knows was a terribly transparent excuse. Now, he’s in his room, sitting on the floor and staring out of the window at the few stars visible through the clouds.  

Is there something wrong with him? The question has been echoing in his mind since the kiss. Well, really, it’s been there long before, but he has managed to ignore it well enough before today. It was easy to push it to the back of his mind, and tell himself that he would figure it out eventually and it didn’t really matter.

But… He kissed James. James Potter, the guy who half the girls - and several guys - are utterly enamoured by. James Potter, who is objectively very handsome. And surely, if he were gay, kissing him would’ve felt… good? How is kissing supposed to feel? Regulus has tried it a few times by now, and it has never been the enjoyable experience that people make it out to be.

He is typing the words into google before he even registers having taken his phone out. Is kissing supposed to feel good?

Most of the search results are clinical, detached articles, explaining the biological and social reasons as to why humans like kissing. Until he stumbles upon a blog post on one of those ask-and-answer forums.

Anonymous: need advice!! my friends are constantly going on about their crushes and the people they’ve been with, how much they love kissing, all that stuff. and i just can’t relate at all. i’ve kissed a few boys, and once a girl too, and i don’t understand the hype at all? i’ve never really had a crush on anyone either, i think. all that kissing and dating and sex stuff just seem like a waste of time to me. is there something wrong with me? am i broken or something?

Regulus’s heart stutters as he reads the post through. He… relates to most of it. Is there something wrong with me? It’s the same question that’s been ringing loud and clear through his head since the kiss.

The comments are mostly stuff like “just wait til you’re older” and “you’ll get it when you meet the right person”, and Reg feels his stomach sink. Is that really it? He’s supposed to sit around and wait for “the right person” to come into his life and… fix him? He thinks about James again. James, who is kind and funny and one of his favourite people in the entire world. But kissing him didn’t feel right. It hasn’t felt right with anyone.

But then his eyes catch on another comment on the person’s post: you should look into the terms asexual and aromantic. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with you or that you are broken, but if you don’t have an interest in romance/sex it could be because you’re ace and/or aro.

Asexual and aromantic. Regulus googles both terms, spends hours reading through articles and blog posts and people sharing their experiences, and for the first time in his life he feels… seen. He hadn’t realized how lonely he felt, before discovering that he isn’t alone.

It’s a lot to take in. A lot of thoughts and questions and answers swirling in Regulus’s head. He really, really wants to talk to someone about all of this. But first of all, it’s 3 AM. Secondly, who?

James is… kinda the whole reason he’s having this sexuality crisis to begin with. He is certain he would’ve figured it out anyway at some point, but it’s thanks to James that he is up in the middle of the night, buried in research about his own identity. He doesn’t think he can talk to James about all this. At least not yet.

Then there’s Sirius. Regulus doesn’t know if he would understand. He feels some of that familiar loneliness creep up on him again. He and Sirius are finally close again. After years of division and hurt and pretending the other doesn’t exist, they have a relationship that’s actually good, and Regulus doesn’t want to ruin it. What if Sirius doesn’t understand or doesn’t accept him? He can’t lose his brother again. He doesn’t have anyone else.

Should he just… not tell anyone, then? Perhaps that is best, at least for now, he thinks. If no one knows, no one can judge him for it or tell him that it’s wrong or that his experiences aren’t real. He nods to himself, settling back into bed. It’s better if no one knows.

-

Regulus doesn’t get any sleep that night. Not that he really expected to. He spends the next day dozing off in class and avoiding James. Both are working out great for him until he starts awake, feeling a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He sits up straight on his chair and squints as he looks around. The classroom is empty, except for him and-

“Sorry, did I wake you?” James asks. He's standing beside Regulus’s desk, looking down at him with something like concern.

“S’fine,” Regulus mumbles, stifling a yawn.

James sits on top of the desk next to Regulus’s. “You look tired,” he says. “Are you okay?”

Regulus still doesn’t know how to react to people showing him genuine concern. It’s not something he’s really used to. “I’m fine,” he says, perhaps a bit too forcefully. He stands up, almost knocking over his chair in the process, and starts quickly packing up his things.

“Hey, uh,” James says, nervously messing up his hair in that way he does. “There’s something we should probably talk about.”

The kiss. Reg was desperately hoping James would pretend it never happened. He slings his bag over one shoulder and starts towards the door. “I’m sorta in a rush.”

James stands up. “Reg, please,” he says. “I… I really need to talk to you about it. Please.”

Regulus sighs, but stops in the doorway. “We don’t have to,” he says in an almost pleading tone, turning around to face James. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You don’t understand.” James looks at him with big doe eyes. “Reg, it matters to me.”

He regards James for a while, before nodding, signalling for him to say whatever it is he wants to say.

James takes a deep breath. “So, er… The thing about the kiss,” he begins, fidgeting nervously with the strap of his bag. “It sorta… made me realize something? About myself?”

Regulus has never seen him this nervous. He waits in silence for him to go on.

“Shit,” James mumbles, rubbing his face with his hands. “I feel like I’ve rehearsed this conversation all day, but now I just, like… Have no idea what to say.” He takes another deep breath. “Screw it, I’m just gonna say it, okay? I really fucking liked that kiss and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and also I’m bisexual.” It comes out as a quick string of words with no pause for James to breathe - or for Reg to interrupt him.

James looks at him; nervous, expectant, awaiting. But Regulus really doesn’t know what to say. He feels a tight knot in his stomach. “Oh,” he finally manages.

“Ah, shit,” James says frantically. “That’s right, there was something else I was gonna say, something important. I, er… I completely get it if you don’t feel the same way. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship, because I really care about you and I don’t wanna lose you. I just… really needed to get this off my chest.”

He sounds so genuine. Of course he does, Reg thinks and feels stupid. When has James ever been anything but genuine, honest and loyal? When has he ever judged Reg or turned his back on him for anything? James knows him better than he allows most people to, and if there’s anyone Reg can talk to about this, it’s him.

“There’s something I need to get off my chest too,” Regulus says quietly.

James’s eyes widen. “Oh? What is it?”

Reg sets down his bag and goes to sit by the desk opposite James. He doesn’t look at him as he starts talking. “I’m aroace. I don’t experience… that kind of attraction. Romantic or sexual. It’s… not exactly that the kiss made me realize it. Or maybe it did. But I kinda already knew. I just… wasn’t ready to admit it to myself, I suppose? Also I didn’t really know the word for it. But… yeah, that’s who I am and I can’t do anything to change that, just as you can’t change the fact that you’re bi, so… I hope you won’t hate me now.”

When James stays quiet, Regulus forces himself to look up. James is looking at him with an unreadable expression, and Reg’s stomach drops. This was a terrible idea. He should’ve known he couldn’t tell anyone. He has ruined everything. James opens his mouth but before he can say anything, Reg has pushed out his chair and is walking toward the door with swift steps.

“Nevermind,” he says, ignoring the stinging of tears in his eyes.

“Reg, wait!”

“Forget everything I just said.”

-

James finds him rather quickly, at the area behind the school that’s nearly hidden with shrubs. It’s where he comes when he needs to be alone, and he knows it’s also where Sirius comes to smoke.

Regulus is sitting on the ground with his back against a tree trunk, not caring if his clothes get dirty. James sits down about a meter away from him, but doesn’t speak, so Regulus is the one to break the silence:

“Are you upset because of my sexuality or because I don’t have feelings for you?” he asks. His voice is harsher than he meant it to be, but at least it’s not shaking.

James draws in a sharp breath, turning to face him. “I’m not upset at all!” he exclaims. “What on earth gave you that idea?”

He’s… not upset? Regulus clears his throat. “Well,” he mumbles. “You didn’t say anything.”

“I’m sorry,” James says earnestly. “I didn’t really know what to say. And you didn’t exactly give me a lot of time to think before you stormed off.”

Now Reg feels like he’s the one who should apologize. He doesn’t, though. Just stares straight ahead at the shrubs surrounding them.

“I’m really sorry I made you feel this way, Reg,” James says softly. “I promise I’m not upset. I care about you. A lot. And I, er… I may not know that much about this stuff, but I’m gonna do research on it so I can support you the best I can, because I care about-” He cuts himself off. “No, wait, I already said that part,” he mumbles, laughing nervously.

Reg smiles at him. “You hate doing research,” he says. “You avoid it like the plague.”

James laughs again. “Shut up, you wanker,” he says, shoving him gently. “This is different!”

He scoots a bit closer, putting his hand on Regulus’s shoulder. “But really,” he says, his tone more serious now. “I support you one hundred percent. You’ll always be family to me. So if you want, we can just forget all about that kiss.”

“But…” Reg looks up at him. “The kiss did mean something to you, didn’t it?”

James considers this for a moment. “I mean… it was a good kiss. And it did sorta… force me to come to terms with my sexuality. But what really means something to me is you, Reg, and our friendship. I don’t wanna lose that, ever. So… do I maybe have a teeny tiny crush on you? Yeah, I think I might, but it’s honestly no big deal. It won’t change anything between us, I promise.”

He holds out his pinky finger, and it takes Regulus several moments to realize what he’s doing. He holds up his own pinky and laces it with James’s.

“I just realized, I’m kind of an asshole,” he says after a bit. “I practically dismissed your coming out because I was so worried about my own.”

“Oh.” James chuckles. “Mate, don’t worry about it. I completely understand.”

“If you want, you can tell me again and I will try to react better,” Reg offers.

James shakes his head, amused. “I… alright,” he says, grinning. “Regulus?”

“Yes?”

“I’m bisexual.”

Reg smiles at him. “Oh, okay!” he says, acting as though it’s the first he’s hearing of this. “That’s lovely. I’m very happy for you. And… obviously, I support you, and I care about you a lot, too.”

James’s grin grows wider. “Thank you,” he says.

They sit quietly for a while, before James speaks again:

“Do you wanna come over today? Mum is making pancakes for dessert. And we can play Mario Kart.”

Regulus groans, but can’t quite suppress a smile. “Ugh, I don’t wanna play Mario Kart against you. You always win. I swear you’re cheating, somehow.”

“How would I cheat at Mario Kart?” James asks with a laugh.

Reg shrugs, crossing his arms. “I don’t know, but I don’t wanna play with you either way.”

“Okay, well… You can play against Sirius? Or you two can team up and try to beat me together,” James suggests, nudging his shoulder. “Come on, it’ll be fun. And pancakes.”

“Fine,” Reg says, as if he wasn’t going to say yes from the beginning. “But only because of the pancakes.”

James nods solemnly. “That’s fair,” he says, and Reg tries not to smile like an idiot, but it’s hard not to because at least for now, all of the worries and doubts swirling in his chest have been driven away by a warm, relieved feeling.

“James?” he says.

“Yeah?”

He doesn’t actually know what to say, so he just wraps his arms around James and pulls him into a hug. James hugs him back tightly, and Regulus feels incredibly lucky to have a friend like him.

[novoaa1writes]

Re aroace Yelena (I'm aro, myself): I think what really gets me is I reckon a lot of the people going 'it's just fanfiction! I can write what I want!' would also (and in my opinion, rightfully) be angry if a canonically in comics gay character was routinely written as straight in fanfiction (even if this wasn't confirmed in the MCU version). It feels like there's a double standard, where people don't see ace and aro rep as 'real' or something.

And while I can't stop anyone from writing anything (and I'm not really trying to?) I don't think people should be aware of this, think through how they'd feel if it was a gay character, and really examine why they want to write one of our few aroace characters as not aroace.

(also, about whether she is aro: the source quote literally says 'she's asexual, not romantic' so she's gotta be aroace, or maybe Non-SAM ace. There isn't really an argument for her being alloace)

ye ye! this is definitely a super fair response... i think that so many people's arguments are based in a perceived separation between comics!yelena and mcu!yelena, along with an added emphasis on the more recent awareness that asexual/aromantic people may not feel sexual arousal, but some are still perfectly content to engage in sexual activity with a partner of their choice. (i don't personally subscribe to either of these viewpoints; they just constitute a recurring viewpoint i've been seeing all throughout the discourse surrounding this topic.)

additionally, i do very much see how this is a bit of an unprecedented circumstance here—particularly since it's concerning a character who is asexual (and arguably aromantic as well), which has been exceedingly rare (if not borderline obsolete) in most all popular forms of media

to draw a tentative parallel to a perhaps more well-known phenomenon:

the advent of the bisexual woman onto the scene of mainstream media as a character archetype

in many of the earlier depictions of the bisexual woman, they were most always rendered as being rather feminine, and preferring to date men over women.

to be very clear: i am not saying that is at all unreasonable!!! these people (—that is, bisexual women who come across as very feminine and typically prefer to date men rather than women—) exist, and are valid!

but in the very beginning, when depicting unambiguous female bisexuality in mainstream media was still a groundbreaking concept, the people writing them were NOT lgbtq+. consequently, they were NOT writing these characters in such a way so that they could illustrate that being a bisexual woman is valid in whatever form that takes for each individual person (—e.g. that it is valid to be a feminine bisexual woman who prefers men over women). rather, they were writing it that way because it was the only type of gay representation they could bear to distribute on such a mass scale, and additionally, because it would sufficiently appeal to the male gaze (thereby keeping viewers engaged, and simultaneously earning the titles of "diverse" and "accepting" for implementing gay representation when such a thing was still largely unheard of).

in other words: they used the farcical excuse of "bisexual representation" in order to film softcore girl-on-girl p*rn that appealed primarily to straight men, and actively alienated the wlw (and, by extension, the greater lgbtq+) community by doing so.

thus, the earlier depictions of bisexuals (male AND female) were incredibly problematic, homophobic, and ultimately more damaging than helpful

it's not quite the same, as there are somewhat differing reasons for the erasure in either case, but i'd argue that they're nonetheless similar to a certain degree

so i definitely can empathize in some capacity (—that is, as best as someone who is neither ace nor aro can possibly hope to—), and am currently leaning more towards the opinion that this facet of yelena's character, rare and often overlooked as it is, should be consistently portrayed as accurately and respectfully as possible.

thus, i plan to do everything i can to fulfill this from here on out, and i'm currently debating what to do with the yelena works i've already published—whether to radically revise them, or just delete them entirely.

thank you for your input, anon <3 i value it greatly

and if anyone else has anything to remark on any of this, feel free to share!

[dirt-grub]

22 24 25

22 - how many breakdowns have you had about your identity

like, today or?

fr tho ive had a LOT. as a childhood abuse victim im constantly terrified its just trauma and im not actually ace- but ive decided that like, the idea you have to divorce your trauma from your sexuality when theyre gonna be inextricably linked for the rest of your life is stupid. im like this, im not gonna start being like this, so fuck it. also, ive had many many phases of trying to put myself under a microscope and trying to see whats "genuine" asexuality or not, and its not worth the pain to please others who wanna pick apart if your identity is "real" or not. im me, and im what i say i am. i take other people's word for it, so they should take mine.

24 - a character that you think is aspec/is confirmed aspec

CHARLIE FUCKING KELLY BABEYYYYY i love him especially because he's just like me in that he's got childhood abuse trauma and is confused about what he should or should not like and is sex repulsed which makes it more confusing</3 it isnt 100% canon but he said in a deleted scene that he hates the idea of sex unless its with someone specific and that shows in his relationships for the ENTIRE fuckin show, the only times he's had sex theres been some level of dubious consent (putting it fucking lightly) or he's used his body to get something he wants bc thats how he thinks it works (sorry ruby taft you didnt deserve that lol) he's actually a really fucking interesting character in this aspect and i need to pick it apart sometime bc its a very good case of okay youre a victim but also you dont get an excuse to behave like you do

25 - do you have any other labels/identities (if you’re aro, do you have a sexual orientation, if you’re aroace do you have other labels, etc.)

generally when i introduce myself i say gay/mlm, sometimes i panic and say im bisexual bc i dont have a sex preference just a gender preference- sometimes i assume strangers will not understand that- but really idk if im mspec or not. i really think i did like a girl ONCE, but when it came to the romantic and sexual, yea i cried n ran away. i really think i did love her, but i couldnt figure out how- until i learned the term QPR and was like ohhhh shit yeah

the ace part again is sorta disputed, i am sex averse sometimes but not all the time, and i do have romantic attraction for male partners, i have had sex with male partners, but its more of a manifestation of feelings rather than literal physical attraction. i would say i have felt that before, at least i think, but it takes a lot of time and comes in intense bursts. i lean towards the term demisexual, but i feel like theres been a few instances of being into strangers, but theyre VERY few and far between.

so yeah- im mlm, a trans man, for sure alloromantic and some kind of asexual XP

[mlbutatbspofsalt]

I posted 1,931 times in 2021

8 posts created (0%)

1923 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 240.4 posts.

I added 36 tags in 2021

#adrien agreste - 6 posts

#marinette dupain cheng - 6 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 6 posts

#miracuous ladybug - 4 posts

#chat noir - 3 posts

#nino lahiffe - 3 posts

#lukadrigaminette - 2 posts

#ml - 2 posts

#miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir - 2 posts

#miraculous fanfic - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#again though is the problem of everyone gets one outfit regardless which i get is hard and time consuming to give everyone multiple outfits

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

CW: swearing. A lot of it.

This thing happened in my head that I thought was really funny.

Hawkmoth moves to Boston

"Yes Hawkmoth... Hey! Hey what the fuck is this, asshole? This is atrocious! Hey! I know you can hear me!"

"What is it, Road Rage?"

"This mess of a costume! Do it over! Or better yet, let me do it!"

"I designed that with functionality in mind-"

"If that's your excuse I will trace this call back to your mother's basement and beat the shit out of you."

"Fine. Just get me the miraculous."

"Now this is what I'm talking about! And if anyone steals my design I'm suing you."

--------------

"Wait, are you the two I'm supposed to take the stuff from? Hey, Hawky! You insufferable bastard! Pick up the damn line!"

"What is it now, Road Rage?"

"You want me to beat up fucking kids? You're sick you know that? What kind of freak-"

"That's it. This isn't working. I'm calling the akuma back."

"What, cause you're afraid? I ain't telling nothing but the truth here, buddy! Oh, oh! Go on, run back to momma Hawky and cry ya piece of- Woah, what happened? Aw man, I'm so late to work!"

Hawkmoth moves back to Paris

5 notes • Posted 2021-08-04 15:49:39 GMT

#4

Ok just to clarify as someone who is aroace:

Alix being aro doesn't mean she can't be in a relationship, she just doesn't experience romantic attraction. You can even be in a romantic relationship and be aro. Just bc you don't experience that type of attraction doesn't mean you don't like it. She could also never be in that type of relationship or any relationship at all! It is unclear her stance on romance, whether she is positive, neutral, negative, or repulsed (since side characters really don't get much screen time).

Same goes for Max being ace. Attraction does not equal libido does not equal attitude towards it. Obviously since they are minors it comes up less except in aged up situations.

I happened to have seen a couple things where people say 'There go my ships!' but that's not the case. If you haven't heard the term 'qpr' look it up. I beg of thee.

8 notes • Posted 2021-11-11 20:16:59 GMT

#3

My polycule/ship chart. Question marks are for people I once shipped but can't remember why or things I can see but haven't really thought about.

One of these days I'll write something up for the megacule. No one can escape it.

I would love a wlw for Sabrina but I can't really see her with any of the girls (or guys for that natter tbh, she doesn't really interact with anyone) we know. I can be convinced via good fic rec though so don't be shy.

32 notes • Posted 2021-10-27 14:56:37 GMT

#2

Just thinking about Marinette drawing similarities between Adrien and Chat in appearance and getting flustered.

Marinette: Why aren't you ugly?!!!

Chat: *blinks* Pardon?

83 notes • Posted 2021-07-04 17:05:34 GMT

#1

Lukadrigaminette Soul Mate Ice Cream

Andre: Green for his eyes.

Marinette: Yes!

Andre: Blue for his hair.

Marinette: Wait a minute...

Andre: Red for her lips

Marinette: say what now *turns to see her dork ass friends holding a handmade banner reading "Will you go out with us?" It has a lot of excess pink glitter*

Spoiler Alert, she said yes and Adrien is no longer allowed free reign of crafting supplies.

Adrien: I just wanted to make sure she would notice it!

Kagami: It has been three years and I still wake up sparkly

173 notes • Posted 2021-01-08 04:30:05 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[writing-with-olive]

A few tropes to avoid: LGBT addition

Note that this is not a complete list, but rather some tropes that I tend to see a lot that are tiring if not downright offensive and hurtful. This turned out to be a very long post, so most of it ended up below the cut. Press J to skip.

Gay/Lesbian

[id: two flags. The one on the top is the lesbian pride flag. The one on the bottom is the gay pride flag /end id]

Anything hypersexualizing

It’s just... not good representation. No one likes to be hypersexualized. Ever. 

The one gay/lesbian in the heterosexual friend group

This tends to come across as tokenism. Not real representation. Also, people tend to be friends with people they connect with. This is why a lot of LGBT people form groups. It’s actually far more likely in the real world for there to be a gay friend group with one straight person.

The homosexual dies first

Yay there’s a gay/lesbian person! Representation! oh... they died five minutes in? That sucks. 

Look, if there’s a lot of death happening in your story, it’s fine if a gay person dies, but please stop making the first death a gay person. And if you decide to kill of a gay person, make sure it’s not the only one.

The gay that refuses to admit he’s gay but he’s super feminine so he has to be

Femininity does not equal being gay. I’m not entirely sure where this trope (and general misconception) came from, but it’s tiring to see it getting beaten into the ground

Femininity is fine as a trait, but it should not be the tell that a character’s gay. Finding other dudes attractive or being attracted to other dudes should be the main tell.

(Bi/pan, Trans, Nonbinary, Genderflux/genderfluid, Ace/aro all below the cut)

Bi/Pan

[id: two pride flags. The one on the top is the pansexual pride flag. The one on the bottom is the bisexual pride flag /end id]

Anything hypersexualizing

See above. I’m tired of it. It’s not good representation.

The bi/pan character is a cheater

Bi/pan people aren’t any more likely to cheat than anyone else. The fact that the general pool of people bi/pan people are attracted to is larger doesn’t really change that. Please don’t make your bi/pan character a cheater.

The “no this character is with a [guy/girl] now so that means they’re [straight/gay] not bi”

This is bi erasure. Bi/pan people are still bi/pan when they’re dating a dude. Bi/pan people are still bi/pan when they’re dating a girl. Bi/pan people are still bi/pan when they’re dating a nonbinary person. Period.

The “this character can’t be bi/pan - they’ve only slept with one gender/they’re a virgin”

Being bi/pan is about being attracted to people of two or more genders/being attracted to people regardless of gender. It doesn’t matter who they’ve slept with. If they’re bi/pan, they find more than one gender attractive.

Trans

[id: the trans pride flag /end id]

“Hi I’m John, but I used to be Jane.”

In no world is this realistic. Trans people are not going to introduce themselves to anyone by using their deadname (their name given at birth that no longer applies to them). There are lots of other ways to show a character is trans.

Trans dudes have to be hypermasculine, and trans girls have to be hyperfeminine

This is just untrue... being a more affeminate trans dude doesn’t make him any less of a man. Being a more masculine trans woman doesn’t mean she’s any less of a woman. Not conforming to the most stereotyped version of their gender does not mean they’re not a valid person

“He - she - did the thing” when referring to a trans woman and vice versa for a trans man in prose.

I specify in prose because if someone has just come out, and characters are tripping up over pronouns but trying to learn and correct themselves, then that’s usually fine (though make sure to research what’s acceptable around this and what isn’t).

The whole calling attention to someone’s pronouns by misgendering someone and then flamboyantly correcting yourself when they’re trans thing can actually be kind of transphobic. When you’re writing prose, you don’t have any excuse so don’t do this.

The trans guy finding a bunch of ace bandages (or something similar) and using them to bind his chest

Yes, this is realistic. Yes, a lot of people do this, but it is an extremely unsafe way to bind. If your character binds, do your research. If they bind unsafely then SHOW THE NEGATIVE RESULTS of binding unsafely (difficulty breathing, cracked ribs, spinal problems, etc) they can be pretty severe. A lot of people don’t know how to bind and take cues from what they see in the media. Don’t perpetuate false information.

Nonbinary

[id: the nonbinary pride flag. /end id]

The nonbinary character has to be flatchested and vaguely masculine in order to be nonbinary

Nonbinary people are still nonbinary when they’re feminine. Nonbinary people are still nonbinary when they’re masculine. Please reflect this in your stories, as people take cues for how society works based off of the cumulation of the media they recieve.

Misgendering during an argument

This is actually really damaging to nonbinary people. What happens is that people see that it’s okay to misgender someone if they’re mad, when in reality, pronouns are a right, not a privilage to be stripped away whenever you get mad. If you were really mad at your country’s leader, you wouldn’t misgender them when you rant. You can hate them with all of your being and you probably still wouldn’t misgender them. Why is it any different with nonbinary people?

All the nonbinary people were AFAB (assigned female at birth)

It’s not inherantly wrong to have AFAB nonbinary folk in your story, but it is nice to see AMAB (assigned male at birth) nonbinary characters as well. There’s a lot less representation for them, so the more representation the better.

Being nonbinary is a phase - you’re actually binary trans or cisgender

Some people identify as nonbinary and do later find out that they identify more with a binary gender, but there’s also a lot of people who are just... nonbinary. It’s hugely dissapointing when a character that’s meant to be representation turns out to actually not be. Especially if they were the only nonbinary character.

Genderfluid/Genderflux

[id: two flags. the one on the top the genderfluid pride flag, and the one on the bottom is the genderflux pride flag /end id]

The one character in the background who’s genderfluid/genderflux in chapter three and then never seen ever again

Just include a genderfluid/genderflux character that’s actually relevant. It’s not that hard, and it’s really not that confusing. Their gender changes sometimes. They might switch their pronouns accordingly. 

The genderfluid character who’s short, vaguely masculine and has brightly died hair.

This one isn’t exactly offensive, per se, but it does feel like this is the only representation of a genderfluid character that I ever see, and that my friends ever see. Diversity is more than just having people who use different labels. It’s also about showing the different walks of life within those groups. There are a lot of genderfluid/flux people who don’t look like the stereotypical genderfluid/flux person, and they deserve representation just as much as everyone else.

The genderfluid character is the alien

This is a cop-out. It’s fine if you’ve got a race of genderfluid/flux aliens. Awesome, actually! Just add a genderfluid/genderflux human character too.

The genderfluid person who wakes up in the morning and “decides” if they’re going to be a boy or a girl today.

There are a couple things wrong with this. The first is that genderfluid people don’t just “decide” which gender they are. Their gender is more of it’s own entity. There’s not much of a choice with it. It just is.

From my own experience I can assure you that genderfluid people don’t just wake up in the morning with a random gender and then that’s their gender for the day. For me personally, my gender will change somewhere between once every three hours and once every three days, but it’s surprisingly rare that it’s overnight. It can even happen in the middle of conversations and stuff like that.

Genderfluid people don’t just switch between being a boy and being a girl. There’s a lot of space in between: nonbinary, maverique, agender, just to name a few.

Ace/Aro

[id: two pride flags. The one on top is an aromatic pride flag, and the bottom is an asexual pride flag. /end id]

The character’s horrible backstory turned them ace/aro

This is not to negate the fact that some people do identify as ace/aro after a traumatic event. That being said, most ace/aro people are just...ace or aro. There wasn’t any backstory. That’s just the way they are. Seeing that a lot more represented would be awesome.

The character’s got a mental illness because they’re ace/aro

Being ace/aro does not mean you have a mental illness. The idea that it does being spread through the media people consume is very harmful and it increases the stigma around being ace/aro, in a place where there really shouldn’t be. Yes you can have a mental illness and be ace/aro, but they’re not usually correlated.

The ace character can’t be ace because look they’ve got a partner!

Ace is short for asexual meaning you don’t feel any sexual attraction. That does not mean you can’t feel any romantic attraction. Therefore, your character can be hella ace and still have a partner that they’re romantically attracted to

If your character was aroace (a term that’s short for aromantic asexual), then they probably wouldn’t be interested in having a partner.

The character who’s aro/ace but then “finds the right person” right at the end

If they’re demisexual/demiromantic, then that’s different, but it does make it feel like the “flaw they were overcoming” was being ace/aro, and that’s both damaging to the community, and it’s also just dissapointing. There are a whole host of other flaws that your character could have that are much more worth the reader’s time.

[herefortheace]

On the subject of people arguing about portraying characters of color as aro/ace, how would you recommend someone go about writing an aroace poc? I myself am aroace, but I am also white. I try to create diverse characters in my writing, and do research on the backgrounds I write. But often times when I look up guides on stereotypes to avoid, I am told that I should not write the character as aro or ace as it is offensive.

Hey so it‘s been a while since I had a look but I know @writingwithcolor has an asexuality and an aromantic tag and I remember some amazing posts

So I higly recommend checking those out

As far as I’m concerned it’s absolute bullshit to tell white people it’s inherently bad for them to write aces and aros of color. Like?? Doesn’t make sense to me.

HOWEVER you need to take care and be 200% willing to listen to PoC even if you don’t like what we may have to say.

It’s pretty much like writing any character of color tbh, though one with an additional marginalized identity. So also check out blogs and resources like the one mentioned above in general. A lot

Also, please remember “PoC” is a broad category and while I can speak for myself as a black mixed race woman, I can’t speak for anyone else and I sure can’t tell you too much should you not be asking about a black character specifically.

I know personally I find it incredibly important that a black aro ace character is valued by the people around them, and loved. Please go nowhere in the vicinity of the “mammy” stereotype. If we’re talking fanfiction, make sure no one (actually reading the story) could come away thinking you’re using the character’s being aro ace to get them away from a white OTP. This goes double if the character is a black woman because people keep doing that shit (though I doubt many of them are aro ace themselves)

I suggest also looking in-depth into the kind of portayals PoC say they want more when it comes to characters of color. For example, a black woman who is loved and protected and consistently put first by the other characters? Who can perhaps hold her own but doesn’t need to?? I am highly intrigued and if you tell me she’s aro ace, for personal reasons I will come running

And okay bear with me going off on a tangent but personally my ideal releationship for a black aro ace character to get me invested would be like the partnership of Dutch and Johnny in Killjoys (though neither is aro ace buuut that platonic life partners shit omg). I know the show is for some wild reason not terribly well-known but. Let me use this as an excuse to say I love it thank you.

Uhhh where was I. I understand not trusting a white person can handle a character of color with a specific other marginalized identity well, buuut that’s hardly specific to aro/ace identities and I’d still like me some representation thanks. I’m more inclined to put in trust if the author is aro ace themselves in fact because hey probably not using our orientation as an excuse to sideline the character is a good start. Also it’s absolutely possible to do a good job as long as you put in the effort+research which it sounds like you’re prepared to do. Feedback during the writing process from PoC, especially PoC of the same race as the character(s) you are writing, would probably also go a long way

(And I’d imagine a main character would be more tricky than a side character buuut main character representation?? Would I ever turn it down?? In most case prooobably not)

Hope this helps!

[azuremist]

🏳️‍🌈 ummmmmmmm everyone from drthh and sdr2 except the ones you don't want to talk abt. Like teruteru

THANK YOU FOR THE EXCUSE TO INFODUMP and apologies in advance for the loooong post.

Makoto: Transmasc bisexual!!! That’s why he’s a short king ❤️

Byakuya: He is Very Gay, which is a reason why Toko and Syo’s pursuits make him Very Uncomfortable. He’s probably Very Closeted though.

Chihiro: Transfem nonbinary and bisexual!!

Celestia: Het and transfem (that’s why she gets so angry when people ask about her ‘real name’)

Aoi: Lesbian!!!

Taka: I answered this before, but gay and trans!

Mondo: Bisexual!!! This is one of my Emotional Support practically-canon headcanons.

Toko and Syo: Both of them are lesbians! They had a bad case of comphet with Byakuya.

Kyoko: Nonbinary bisexual WLW

Junko: I would totally headcanon her as cishet if I wasn’t at least decently sure she was canonically sapphic.

Sakura: Bisexual!

Leon: Nonbinary bisexual (he considers himself to be both MLM and WLW)!

Sayaka: Bisexual

Hiro: No specific headcanon but I can see him as a trans dude!!

Hajime: Transmasc bisexual! (All I know how to do is headcanon DR protagonists as transmasc bisexuals, eat hot chip, and lie.)

Nagito: Gay nonbinary MLM!

Chiaki: Nonbinary bisexual WLW!

Gundham: I also answered this before, but he’s a nonbinary boy bisexual! He’d also hoard xenogenders if he knew about them.

Kazuichi: Transmasc gay! Like Toko and Syo with Byakuya, he had a BAAAD case of comphet with Sonia. (I could scream about this headcanon all day because it has some REAL, solid hints to it in canon, but I won’t.)

Sonia: Transfem lesbian!! Also maybe on the aro spectrum?

Fuyuhiko: TRANSMASC BISEXUAL!!! I will die on this hill!!

Peko: Bisexual!!

Mikan: SEMI-CANON BISEXUAL QUEEN!!

Ibuki: SEMI-CANON ACE QUEEN I LOVE YOU!!! Specifically a biromantic asexual!

Hiyoko: She identifies as sapphic but also she’s LGBT+phobic and calls everyone else slurs. This is only a half-joke.

Mahiru: Lesbian!

Akane: Sapphic! She doesn’t know if she likes boys or not yet, she’s taking her time to figure herself out :]

Nekomaru: Gay!

Twogami/Imposter: CANON FAT NONBINARY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! I know that someone who can disguise themselves as any gender isn’t great nonbinary rep but I’m so starved for fat enbies that I will LITERALLY take anything. Also I love Twogami so I’m mega-biased. As for attraction, I could see them either being aroace (but able to fake attraction to any gender) or bisexual (which makes it very easy to pretend to be any orientation).