#also also this is all bs and i know nothing about school systems so yeah

[abimee]

as someone who had to go to college bc it was the only conceivable way for me to escape an abusive environment, striaght up: dont go to college. your post is so true, if youre mentally ill (or physically ill, esp chronically) No One Gives A SHIT. i had an incident where i had to go to urgent care i was so sick and my professor was still like "Well. you need to show up to class or youre absent. if you have 2 absences, you fail automatically." so i had to show up half-dead. no one helps you. im also bipolar and went to my college's counselor for help and while she was a lovely woman she didnt support me much there she didnt know much about the disorder. the only way i was able to graduate was bc i was getting an art degree and making things i was already going to make anyway, if that makes sense, and ironically my anxiety disorder was helpful but oh my god it was so bad for my mental health!! so bad and awful!!

tldr: fuck everybody who starts berating you college sucks and theyre all fucking ableist as hell AND on TOP of that it is just such a classist ass money pit and its Not Fucking Worth It

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT IS and its SO FUNNY when people tell me to ''get a scholarship'' because news flash asshole; scholarships expect things from you like Bs in all your classes and to actually gaduate, when I can barely pull it together for a B in a class im GOOD AT in HIGHSCHOOL.

I WAS ALSO IN SPECIAL EDUCATION! My math class only went up to a 6th grade level, I never did pre-algebra! I dont even know how to go calculus or trig or any math involving letters and complex systems because my own highschool special education classes didnt teach me it because I wasnt capable enough for it yet! So even if i try to go into college on a scholarship theyll definitely revoke mine and make me pay for it in full once I have a manic episode and stop showing up for a week and then come back and have to tell my teachers ''yeah i never learned any of this in highschool. i was smoking cigarettes in dugouts instead of going to class''

like i am just Not someone who will make it through college unless they give me 30 different accomodations because I already dont have the money to deal with my Mysterious Body Proclems and my severe mixed bipolar that sends me into hysterics monthly in rapid cycles. Not to mention in highschool they found out that i just literally cannot learn in your typical school setup of sitting in a classroom with other people but they wont allow me to do homeschooling/online classes because im so Bipolar that if im left by myself for a long periods of time i may hurt myself. So im literally the most physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially unfit person for college 😭👍 AND I DONT EVEN HAVE ANYTHING I WANNA GO TO SCHOOL FOR!!! IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH AT ART FOR AN ART DEGREE, I CANT DO MATH, I AM TOO MENTALLY UNSTABLE FOR THINGS LIKE SOCIAL OR RELIGIOUS STUDIES, ETC.

Literally just a crockpot of unwell yet every time people find out i never went to college they act like im some dead end loser destined for nothing like gee thanks this makes me feel way better about myself, i bet you love making me feel bad from your ivory tower because you think im just lazy and not a literal psychotic threat to myself on every level. drives me MAD!

[dancefloor]

Shut UP abt american politics UGH like you can make your points abt international policies leaving something to be desired without disparaging Americans who are worried about their day-to-day lives being fucked over by politics. And yeah we are gonna be relieved if we manage to elect KH bc then we won’t be in danger of dying via hate crime or lack of healthcare or what have you. Your tone is so fucking presumptuous and I knowww we’re dramatic abt our politics but politicians suck EVERYWHERE. The system sucks EVWRYWHWRE. So don’t act like we’re all careless cupcakes for cheering for a politician who isn’t a fucking Nazi

this is so much for me to get into lol i will do this in the nicest way possible. i really don’t appreciate you referring to the facilitation of and active contributions to genocides, wars and coups as “international policy leaving something to be desired” though 👍

i say this without attempting to sound malicious at all like please understand this is actual curiosity speaking. do you genuinely think kamala will save you from dying from hate crimes or lack of healthcare? how many hate crimes, (school) shootings, roe v wade overturnings and bankruptcies due to the cost of your healthcare have happened under democratic presidents?

i’m not telling you you’re too dramatic about your politics, i’m saying i think you’re severely underreacting. every 4 years you guys will talk about how much everything sucks and about how you just gotta vote for the lesser of two evils this time but in the meantime you do nothing. you don’t organize you don’t rally you don’t get politically involved unless someone wants your vote. it’s always the lesser of two evils but there’s no effort ever to solve that issue and if you are putting in that effort, i’m not talking about you!

also please don’t lecture me on how everything sucks everywhere when 1) you cannot fathom that i may be informed on your political situation without being from anywhere near your country 2) you don’t know where i live let alone name one (1) current political issue within my country 3) you could not point out my country on a map if you tried. america has an exceptional position of power within the world but please believe me when i say i would be uninformed on you guys’ bs if i could

[theladyregret]

I haven’t really said anything about the bs going on with WoTC and all that drama but generally my opinion is as follows. I’m putting this under a read more and not tagging because I’m not interested in drama or arguments from others opinions. This is just for those who may be interested in knowing how I feel about it.

One, you can’t put a dollar amount on imaginations. I don’t need, and have never needed, to pay WoTC to play D&D because...everything about it has always been just a system of guidelines that anyone who’s good at it knows you can just completely ignore or manipulate whenever you want to. I know because I’ve been playing it since before I could actually read the source books. I DMed my first game to elementary kids who only knew basic math and played mostly by looking at the pictures (ah the days of being the kids told to go spend hours in the library because your parents didn’t trust the schools to teach proper sex ed). You can’t tell people that you have to pay to roll a set of dice the likes of which have existed since the Roman empire or to tell complicated round robin stories.

Two...nothing about what they’ve decided to do with OneD&D makes any sense and whoever decided it was a good idea needs their business licenses revoked. Any way you look at it there was no way this was going to end in their favor and the fact they apparently couldn’t see that is pretty ridiculous. The fact they also apparently thought all these other big corporations would just bend over and accept their BS by either paying them for the right to exist or just not exist...absolutely crazy. All they’ve done is put up a big sign saying “WE’RE STUPID, PLEASE COMPETE WITH US BECAUSE IT WON’T EVEN BE HARD” which Kobold Press has basically already done so...yeah. I’m not overly worried about a company signing their own death warrant like WotC pretty much did. While I doubt they’ll go out of business they are not coming out of this where they were before.

And as it concerns Critical Role and their silence and seeming support, or if not support just...lack of fight, well...I kind of already said this could happen. When they made it clear they were taking steps back from engaging with their audience that was a sign that they would, intentionally or not, lose connection with their audience. They are too tied up with WotC at this point to do much about it. Sad but not overly surprising and also kind of why I started putting distance with that particular fandom.

so yeah that’s about how I feel about it all. In case anyone was interested in knowing.

[clatterbane]

Anyway, in my near future: Walking School!

(Also an autotranslated link, btw.)

Though, I am going to the university medical center orthopedics clinic, at least for the intake. I guess we'll see how the interface works here with the prosthetic clinic, soon enough.

Unsurprisingly sort of nervous that they'll somehow decide not to get me set up with an aftermarket leg after all, but yeah. Seems unlikely, as hard as the general push seems to be to get people away from wheelchairs and more "normal" looking ASAP at all costs. 😑

I am really not looking forward to whatever PT will be involved, between my history with rehab PT with the bendiness not being taken into proper account and the damned post-COVID fatigue. I do at least know better now than to actually take on board any pushy "no pain, no gain!" BS, when overdoing with the wonky collagen has always been my main injury failure mode to begin with.

But, in related news? I did also find out that I am, indeed, anemic again. And I am hoping that getting this adjusted will help with the fatigue. So yay?

I am also hoping that since I am getting sent to ortho/PT/OT/prosthetics, this team will also be able and willing to send me where I need to go for other mobility and PT type issues. Including wheelchair services, because I kinda need a new wheelchair cushion, if nothing else. And hopefully some further PT to try and get these wonky shoulders straightened out.

I definitely plan to bring up the ongoing mobility problems from the shoulder muscles rebelling and pinching nerves. Still hoping I can eventually get a power assist drive out of somebody, since they are supposed to be covered under the system here. And "I haven't been able to even roll myself to the grocery store in nearly a year with these fucked-up shoulders, and also a nerve pinch is trying to make one hand useless" should hopefully count as medical necessity. Because it sorta is.

But yeah, we'll see what might happen there. At least they do not seem to be nearly as prone to cheaping out here, IME. If you need a referral, you're likely to get one rather than brushed off. Much less getting to hear, "This isn't America, you know!" 👿 (ETA: Yeah, I am still pretty salty about that one. And it was more than one instance.)

In further news on the Leg To Stand On front, it seems that endocrinology finally did refer me on.

This was waiting when I received a notification of a new appointment on the 1177 app:

(Autotranslated web version, of course.)

"Very deficient information" 🤣 Malin there isn't pulling many punches.

At least they were evidently NOT told that I had any phantom open wounds or anything, unlike orthotics. Still sort of boggling over that one.

So, I am finally officially in the amputee system here--and will hopefully stop baffling them as much once they do see me and figure out what to do with me!

From what I have seen here so far, things do mostly Just Work™ in a much more orderly way than I came to expect dealing with the NHS. Gotta give them some pretty big credit for how they've been cleaning up after some of the fuckery there, tbh. I do think that along with that, though, comes some extra perplexity when encountering unexpected situations. Like, erm, someone showing up without a leg OR any existing records in their system.

(Or much in the way of followup where that was done, but that's another story. Soon likely to get some more shocked "is this a joke?" reactions when they do ask about the background history there. 🙄)

[jebentnietalleen]

5 for the prompt please and thank you❤️

There are a lot of things that suck about the fact that his dad is not reliable when it comes to money. For one thing, it’s humiliating having to ask Mika to have patience when it comes to his rent. Thankfully Mika has stopped asking him about it or teasing relentlessly, he knows that the situation is out of Lucas’ hands and that he hates that he can’t do anything about it. But another worry of Lucas is his future. He wants to go to university, he really does, but he already knows that he can’t afford it on his own, and he can’t count on his dad to pay for it. That much is clear. His mom doesn’t have enough money to support him, and he would never ask that from her. That’s how he finds himself talking to the school guidance counselor, trying to find out what his options are if he wants to go to university but doesn’t have the means to pay for it.

‘Well, Lucas, I know it’s tough, but you could try and apply for a loan?’ The guidance counselor was giving him the most pitiful look ever, and he hated every second of this conversation.‘You’d probably have to wait until you are 18 before you can do that, but it is an option. ‘Great. Get myself into debt the moment I am an adult. Is that really the only thing I can do?’Lucas felt like he was begging, and maybe he was. This couldn’t be just a problem for him, could it? Surely there were other students who had money issues. How the hell did they deal with this?The counselor looked as if he was thinking about something else, and a tiny ray of hope sparked inside of him. ‘There is something else… You can try and get a scholarship. You have the grades for it, especially in Biology and Science. If you manage to get the other grades up before the end of the schoolyear, there is a good chance that you can be in running for that. I know it’s not much of a certainty, but it’s something. And there is even a way to compensate your grades. There is a buddy program, in which students who have higher grades can mentor students who need to get a higher grade in order to pass. If you sign up for that right now, you can probably get started right away. I’ll make sure to pair you with someone who struggling with Biology, and you can get some extra credit. How does that sound?’Lucas, who has been quiet during that whole explanation, just nods his head enthusiastically. ‘Yes, please, I’ll tutor anyone in anything, but yes, Biology is perfect. Thank you so much for this opportunity.’‘Don’t thank me yet, young man. Like I said, no guarantees here. But let’s see what we can do, shall we?’ Lucas gives a small smile, thanking him once more before returning to class. He can do this. Just before the end of the last class of the day, he gets called out by the guidance counselor.‘Good news, Lucas! I found a match for you, for the buddy program. It’s a bit unusual because this student is in a year above you, but we have the utmost confidence that you will be able to help him anyway. If it does get to be too much, however, just give us a shout. I believe that he needs to do an extra assignment because he missed a few, but I’ll let him explain that to you himself if he wants. In any case, the student in question is Eliott Demaury, and I’ve told him you will be able to meet him tomorrow around 16:00 in the science lab, if that’s okay with you?’Lucas felt his face drain, this could not be happening to him. Eliott fucking Demaury? Aka the most gorgeous person in this entire school, if not the planet? Oh God. This would not go well.

He hardly slept that night, kept thinking of everything that could go wrong, all the ways he would embarrass himself when working on a project with Eliott. It’s silly, because he is pretty sure Eliott does not even know who he is, but he would have liked to keep it that way. Because there is no way he could ever have eyes for him, and why torture himself by talking to him? Unfortunately, the universe apparently hated him even more than he already knew. Great.

The next day goes by so slowly, and he gets nervous every time he thinks about what will happen at 16:00. Yann teases him the entire day, he is the only person who knows how much he has been crushing on Eliott from a distance.‘Oh come on, Lulu, maybe it will be love at first sight! You are adorable, after all’ Lucas just shoves him aside, feeling his cheeks burn red for no reason at all. This is going to be such a disaster.

When he walks to the science lab, he gives himself a quick pep talk. You have survived Mika’s nude pictures, you have survived Basile’s rants about Daphné’s rejection, you can survive this. Right. He’s got this, remember?

The first thing he notices when he walks in the room, is that Eliott is already in the room, but instead of sitting on a chair, he’s crouched on a desk, reading a book. That’s… odd. The second thing he notices is that there’s nobody else there. He scratches his throat, hoping to get his attention without having to say anything. Eliott looks up at him, gives a quick smile and closes the book, hops off of the table and walks towards him in long strides. ‘Hi. I’m Eliott’ He looks almost shy as he introduces himself to Lucas with his hands in his pockets, and Lucas has to bite back an I know who you are. ‘Hey. I am Lucas. Uhm, do you know where the teacher went?’Eliott scrunches up his shoulders, ‘He said he has to do some grading, he left the assignment on the table but I thought I would wait for you to get here to get started. Thank you, by the way, for helping me. It means a lot.’Lucas looks down, he was not expecting a compliment from Eliott, let alone during their first interaction.‘Oh, well. There is no need to thank me. We don’t know how it will go. Besides, I’m also doing this for myself.’He looks around for the assignment to have something else to do and gives it a quick read.‘Okay, so, it looks like our first task is to observe the reproductive process of the palominos snails. It says here that they are more reproductive when they are happy, and to try out different environments for the snails to see which makes them the happiest.’

They start to work in silent, watching the tank, and every once in a while, he can feel Eliott looking at him. After the first few times his curiosity wins out his nerves. He looks back. It’s weird. It’s not as scary as he thought it would be, working with Eliott, sitting with him. Eliott’s got kind eyes, and a nice smile, that grows encouragingly when he sees that Lucas is looking back at him. It’s intoxicating, and he can’t help but smile back.

‘Care to tell me what a smart guy like you is doing in the buddy program? I thought this was only for people who try to become president or something, wanting to have the extra credits so that it looks good. But something tells me you’re not the type. Am I wrong?’It’s the most Eliott has said to him yet, and it startles him a little bit. How much is he willing to tell, what is essentially, a complete stranger? A very hot stranger, but non the less a stranger. There’s something in his tone of voice, though, that tells him that he genuinely doesn’t get it and wants to understand. ‘You’re not wrong. Let’s just say… I am not that financially stable, and the guidance counselor told me about this buddy program and about the fact that it could help me gain a scholarship. Something about the extra credits and compensating my lower grades. It’s a longshot, probably, but I would try anything right about now. So, yeah. That’s it, I guess.’He looks up to find Eliott looking at him with an understanding look in his eyes. ‘That sucks. Really. I hope you get that scholarship. I know you are smart enough for it.’Lucas snorts, because, who does Eliott think he is talking to? They don’t know each other.‘That’s a little presumptuous, don’t you think? Just because I am helping you out doesn’t mean I am actually smart.’  Eliott looks away but can’t seem to help but smile a little bit. ‘Well, no, it’s not that. It’s just that I’ve heard some stuff about you. Idriss is my best friend, and sometimes when I am over at his place, I hear Imane complain about you, saying that it’s not fair that you are that smart.’Lucas can’t believe what he is hearing: ‘Really? Oh God, I am sorry Eliott but I have got to rub this into her face. Thanks for telling me’ They start laughing so hard, it feels like an invisible curtain has been lifted, like the ice has finally been broken. Right at that moment, his phone rings. Because of course it does. It’s Mika.‘Shit, uhm, I gotta take this, be right back’ Eliott just nods at him with a smile, and Lucas walks out of the classroom to take the call.‘What is it, Mika? You know I am busy.’‘I am sorry, chatton, but it’s an emergency. The bathroom is flooded and I need you to go to the hardware store and get some supplies because the plumber isn’t able to make it tonight. I couldn’t call any later because the store closes in like, one hour. I am trying my best to clean this place up but it’s literally no use if we can’t fix the leak. Please?’Lucas groans and closes his eyes, leaning back against the door. ‘Fine. Text me the supplies.’‘Thank you thank you thank you. See you soon, hopefully’

He quickly explains the situation to Eliott and apologizes, asks if he is okay with finishing up for the day and if he can meet up again tomorrow after school.‘Of course, it would be my pleasure’ Eliott shoots back at him, and oh God. He can’t believe this is happening. He is falling even harder than before. ‘Thanks for your patience, Eliott. I am really sorry. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow’ Eliott grins mischievously: ‘Can’t wait.’ Lucas grins back at him, can’t remember the last time he smiled this much.And that’s his cue to leave. When did he get this bold? He kind of likes the way it’s making him feel.

The bathroom situation is a mess, but they managed to fix it eventually. Mika keeps asking him about his ‘date’ with Eliott, and Lucas keeps shooting him down, saying that it’s not a date and that there never will be a date, and to mind his own business. But there is a small part of him, in the back of his mind, that is whispering: what if?

Even though his mind has been racing a mile a minute ever since leaving that classroom yesterday, he still feels better than he did before meeting up with Eliott. Somehow, talking with him, exchanging stories and laughing together, made him realize that Eliott is just another guy, in the end. Don’t get him wrong, to Lucas Eliott is still very much someone special, but he isn’t the scary and cool model he had made him out to be in his head. He was gentle, open, and he seemed interested in getting to know more about Lucas. Replaying their interactions during the day made him that much more excited to see him again at the end of the day, even if it was just to finish up the assignment.

This time, the nerves he felt when walking into the classroom were very different than the ones he felt yesterday. One thing stayed the same: the first thing he saw, was Eliott. But he wasn’t sitting on a table, he was staring at the tank where one of the snails was suppose to be in. It didn’t take Lucas long to realize why Eliott was staring at it: the snail was not there anymore.

‘Eliott? What happened here?’Eliott turned around with a shocked look on his face.‘Okay, so, I can explain. I think. When you left yesterday, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about that the snails reproduce more when they are happy? So, I kind of couldn’t figure out why we separated them. What if they just wanted to have more company? Give them a choice on who to mate with? I saw that there was another tank at the window with a snail in it, and I put it in there. I thought it would be cute, watch them communicate or something. And uhm, I guess I did not read the fine print on the other tank that said ‘carnivorous snail’ and I am so so sorry, Lucas, I really am. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking, actually. I was just. Daydreaming, I guess. It seemed like a good idea at the time and now I am rambling.’Lucas blinks at him, he knows he should be annoyed with this, but he just can’t seem to find the strength to get mad. All that he can focus on is the fact that Eliott was daydreaming and he wonders what about, how pathetic could he be?

‘I know I screwed up. Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything’

Lucas hated the way Eliott was looking at him right now. Like he was afraid Lucas would get angry or run away or something. He lets out a heavy sigh.‘Eliott, I am not mad. Well, I am, but only about the fact that you apparently didn’t listen to me yesterday when I explained to you that palominos snails are single sexed. They don't need another organism to reproduce.’Eliott blushes at that, biting the inside of his cheek: ‘You are right, I should have payed more attention. In my defense, I kind of have been wanting to talk to you for a long time now and I got distracted a lot yesterday.’Eliott somehow had gotten closer to him while he was talking, forcing Lucas to tilt his head up to talk to him: ‘Distracted why?’His heart was pounding in his chest, but this was it. This was the moment of truth.‘Because admiring you from afar was great, sure, but talking to you? Getting to know you a little bit? It was better than I could have imagined’‘You admired me? Until yesterday, I didn’t even think you knew who I was.’Lucas was dumbfounded, how was this real life?‘You caught my intention even before Imane mentioned you, you know. There is just something about you.’Lucas’ eyes slide to Eliott’s lips, he feels his breath hitch in his throat. ‘You caught mine, too.’Eliott seems to take this as a sign, closing the small distance left between them to cup his face and ask: ‘Is it okay if I kiss you?’Before Eliott gets the chance to say anything else, Lucas rushes out a ‘Please do’ and then they are. Lucas doesn’t have a lot of experience with kissing. He kissed a few girls here and there. But it was never like this. It never felt like he could do this forever, like they have been doing this forever. It’s like speaking a second language you didn’t even know existed. They break apart, and Eliott breaks the silence first: ‘I bet this experience can be turned into a great essay for Human Relations, so maybe all is not lost after all.’ Lucas laughs and leans into Eliott, whose arms wrap around his back while he rests his head on top of his. ‘I hope you are right, because I am not going out to search for other snails’

[transrightsjimin]

covid rants as per usual

had 4 teams meetings today nd slept too few nd i did alright at work but im rly overwhelmed frm the social interaction nd a colleague suggested we go out to somewhere outside w colleagues, to like a picnic or smth bc most of us rarely saw each other irl nd the rest was super enthused nd i just sat there like :S

nd afterwards i tried to finally, finally, like fcking 2 years too late but finally setting up a word document to go drop all these articles and useful websites nd posts in, to debunk eugenics sht and provide helpful websites, resources, accounts etc for those who do want to actually end covid and be able to go to safer places or get vaccines tht might otherwise be thrown away etc.

long sentence but urgh anyway i searched for omikron to check if it's spelled w a K in dutch and the search results were ONLY articles in major news website articles in dutch that celebrate how omicron is 'milder' and defenses of stuff opening up even while infection rates r terribly high and rising and i just felt sick to my stomach already from an NOS article tht claimed we should go for a 'controlled spread' approach for 'natural immunity' as if that wasnt already explicitly stated to be the policy since 2020, and also this child pedetrician / dutch CDC (OMT) member Patricia Bruijning who shared in a dutch talk show she wouldn't vaccinate her kids if she had them etc.

just god i tried to keep working on the word file but the first good article i wanted ti add is inaccessible outside the US nd i got too tired sifting(?) thriugh bookmarks on twt bd just only have the titles for what i wanted to have in the word doc i wanted to base my carrd on. im just mad i started this so late and everything stresses me out nd nothing can relax or distract me

maybe i shiuld rly draw out my feelings but idt i should rn bc i just get even more fristrrated thinking about it urghghg

im just tired of this eugenics bs and so scared of getting infected and for losing loved ones to the virus and every day i dont finish this carrd is another day a person didnt read or share it nd risks their health nd life more. and im just so so fking sick of the gaslighting, being told by others both on individual nd societal level tht i'm exaggerating nd ir's not that bad and that i'm too extremist and 'we don't know if masks work' and i need to consider other people's perspective as if that isn't shoved down our throats by the state nd literally the majority, and that it's not an issue if people die abd that theres no risk for kids and that we're safe and covid is over or over soon and and go along w the givt and media and crowd bc 'polderen' and 'acting normal' nd just the cultural, educatiobal, medical field etc that dont give a fck about face masks nd any other measures bc ppl dont knpw covid spreads via aerosoles nd otherwise dont care

also just remembered my manager / boss in a meeting complained a lot abt how a student in some survey filled in they think the non-EER student tuition fee (abt €11K / year i think) is too high nd didn't make sense w the 'inclusion and diversity' message of the uni. which yeah they're absolutely right abt lol

nd he was furious nd was concerned that this one student would harm the reputation of the school and disagreed strongly bc tuition fees for those groups might get even larger bc the university (supposedly) has too few funds nd needs more bc the student loan system will be stopped etc and him nd colleagues were poking fun at our faculty head(? i think) who complained 'this is a school but this sounds like a business!' (not in the call) nd manager nd colleagues were like 'of course it's a business' nd manager/boss used a weird analogy for why the complaint made no sense nd he said this is why they need to tackle the issue w the marketing team nd use data to determine more where to gather international students from bc those graduates result in larger funds for universities. just. christ. like i somewhat enjoy my job but the school is so corporate i dont know what to say nd again just that whole. polderen sht which basically just means 'go along w the status quo or shut up'

[wisteria-lodge]

badger primary + very burnt lion secondary (bird model)

Hi, I’m a Badger primary and stuck between Lion and Snake secondary. I model Bird and Badger over whatever my (probably pretty burnt) secondary is. Would you mind helping me figure it out?

As a kid, I remember being a total joker in class. I thought it was really funny to trick my friends. I got everyone to start chanting at the teacher once. I’d do something daring (for a first grader) like look up “sex” in the dictionary. It basically just said gender and I was confused about what all the fuss was 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Definitely see why you’re thinking Improvisational secondary. One of the old-school SHC bits of wisdom is that when proud rule-breaking is a personality trait, that’s usually the sign of a Lion secondary.

My mom didn’t want me reading all night so I hid flashlights under my bed and would pretend to sleep if she checked on me. I’d lie and would only feel bad about it if threatened with consequences. If I got in trouble, I’d lie or pretend I didn’t know what I’d been doing.

But I could also see Snake. Being very proud of your ability to lie or pretend is very Snake to me.

In middle school, my learning disability really began to show and I started having anxiety and possibly PTSD after 9/11. (I’m from NY). That’s when the Bird model kicked in.

As it does.

People at my new school didn’t get my humor and took my trolling literally and it was really uncomfortable. Honestly middle school sucked and most of what I remember is just snobby, awful social stuff.

I’m definitely getting Lion secondary here. You are YOU, it’s very important that you be you, and the problem is that other people don’t get you. Snake secondaries aren’t so binary.

Oh I did manage to get a teammate’s cell phone number and pranked them. And I hacked into someone’s AIM account. And one time I got in a fist fight with someone on a different team of mine and then we were best friends. Which is weird, looking back.

awww Lion secondaries making friends :D

High school was really hard because I had a really hard time with the schoolwork (learning disability was still undiagnosed) and with finding good friends. I got in trouble a few times for offending people by repeating things I didn’t know were offensive, I dressed up as someone kinda controversial for Halloween which is honestly still one of the highlights of my high school experience. I tricked this creepy guy who wouldn’t leave me alone and embarrassed him in front of the whole school. But wouldn’t ever insult someone to their face on purpose unless I completely lost my temper.

Obviously you can have a hot temper and not be a Lion secondary… but I’m already skewing in that direction, and everything you’re saying here is supporting it. Kind of getting a kick out of offending people (or making them uncomfortable) is VERY Lion secondary.

I joined the Political Union club and didn’t really debate because I’m terrible at it.

Lion secondaries tend to be pretty bad at formal debate. That’s more a built secondary thing. Great at giving speeches, though :)

I just watched everyone argue and trolled people. I remember one meeting, people started throwing books at each other and it was amazing. That “agent of chaos” answer on the quiz is me haha.

The “agent of chaos” answer is the Lion secondary answer.

I knew the perfect way to get this one teacher to go off on a tangent about the Soviet Union for the entire lesson. I couldn’t keep up with the schoolwork so I’d BS a lot of it and manage to get by. Participation was key to your grade so I’d read just enough to discuss parts of it and then just make throwaway funny comments and ask good questions to beef up my contributions.

I’d say that gaming the system in this particular way (which I completely support) actually sounds like you Bird secondary model. Which makes sense, if the *purpose* of that model is to help you out in an academic setting.

I think I burned after a traumatic event at the end of my senior year. I started modeling Badger secondary hard. Basically just be sweet and helpful and everything will be fine, right? When that did not, in fact, make everything be fine, I pulled out the manipulation to make damn sure people were on my side.

I’m interested in what you mean by “manipulation.” Because while that’s normally a Snake secondary word, I’m not getting Snake Secondary from you. I suspect you may actually parse your Bird secondary as “manipulation,” which is sort of unusual.

I did still troll sometimes, but I haven’t felt playful and fun in so long. I’ve been really depressed over the last few years about some serious medical problems that can’t really be resolved. I just feel flat like a car stuck in park.

Oh ouch. Yeah, that’s a burnt secondary all right.

I’m scared of failing. I’m scared people won’t like me or that I’ll get in trouble. I don’t have the energy to lie convincingly or put on a show but I also don’t feel safe enough to be blunt. I’m reluctantly forcing myself to be diplomatic while screaming inside.

This is portrait of a Burnt Lion secondary. You’re afraid of failing, but failing is necessary and important to Lions. It’s how they change direction. “Being yourself” had gotten you into trouble and made some people not like you, so you’re scared about going there again. You want to be blunt, but it’s too scary. Instead you’re being diplomatic and putting on a show, both things you define as “lying” (very Lion secondary) but it’s incredibly energy consuming.

I don’t know how to go back to how I was. (I am trying to find a good therapist but it’s hard to find one who specializes in all the things I need, not to mention a good fit personality-wise). When I’m not Like This, I can be really charming. I miss it. 

Well, a therapist is the first step. I guess my tiny little piece of advice in the meantime, is find a place in your life where you *can* use your lion again. Make that place as tiny and as low-stakes as you need to. Maybe you have an anonymous blog where you shit-post. Maybe you bring out your Lion for just one person. Maybe go to a weekend convention - if it’s three days with people you never see again, who cares if you get in trouble or offend something. Check out the SHC discord server, and see if any of the other burnt Lionsecs have tips. I know Lions are very all-or-nothing, but I’m a Badger. Baby steps are steps.

[samanthalendo]

Why I Almost Went To UT Austin; And Why I Didn’t

(As a preface: I will be speaking mainly in vague details about my personal life and the college I ended up choosing. This is for my own privacy and comfort. In addition, I am not bashing the UT system or anyone who choose to go there; I have loved ones going there very soon, and I have a lot admiration for the school and all the opportunities it can afford someone. However, these are the reasons I will not be attending and some reasons any school might miss out on students they might have otherwise garnered. As well, all photos are mine unless otherwise stated. Enjoy!)

Let me set the scene.

Choosing a college is hard. It’s freakin hard. It’s even more difficult in the middle of a global pandemic. You can’t actually go anywhere, can’t take tours or go to fairs or get a feel for the city you want to call home. I struggled a lot with really connecting to any of the schools I was interested in. Lots of apathy towards the whole process. Despite all this, I had one school I had been interested in since the end of sophomore year, and I thought that was the only place I wanted to go. 

The University of Texas at Austin appealed to me for a few different reasons. In no particular order:

It was close to family.

I have tons, and I mean tons of family in Texas. This would have put me significantly closer to them and meant I had a support system when going to college. Making sure I would have a nice warm dinner and bath to escape to on crappy days seems pretty nice during global pandemics! Notably, however, it was not close to my immediate family. 

It was in a big city. 

Looking back I can laugh at myself and the idea I had for my college experience. At the time I was much more focused on the social and Instagramable side of the school I chose. Any time my parents suggested a school, the first thing I did was look for photos of it. If it didn’t have the feel I was looking for (young, new, hip, growing) I seldom looked further. 

Austin was exactly what I was looking for. A city with a 32.4% growth rate in the last decade (1), it screamed new and exciting. I wanted to be apart of that vibe during college, especially when I thought my boyfriend and I would be going to the same place (we are still happily together and just going to different schools, btw). Anything less didn’t seem worth it or fun enough. 

It’s a high ranking journalism school. 

Rankings are subjective so it absolutely depends on where you look, but UT Austin consistently ranks within the top ten journalism schools in the nation, which is incredible. I’ve wanted to study journalism since about sophomore year and I was so excited that on top of the aforementioned attributes, this would be a reputable place to study and get a degree from. Truth be told, I didn’t do nearly any research into the actual programs, opportunities, or benefits UTA offered, #foreshadowing.

UTA was the first school I applied to, and as such it established my expectations for how applying to a big name school would work. Let me just say it, the application process sucked. I ended up writing two full-length essays, only one of which I used and extensively edited, and at least five different short answer paragraphs. I believe I also had to submit a resume when I applied for the Journalism Honors program, though that was additional. It was intense, and quite honestly didn’t seem worth it. Up until this point I was pretty much riding the wave of, “Yeah, UT Austin, that’s a school people will respond positively to when they ask where I’m going.” As aforementioned, I hadn’t done any in-depth research into what programs UT had to offer me, but from what little looking I had done, nothing was jumping out at me. With nothing spectacular being shown to me on a silver platter, enticing me to #golonghorns, the arduous application process felt taxing and stressful. 

(A little side note on writing college essays: do not force yourself to write about something that doesn’t feel genuine to you. I don’t care if you think you have something that they’re bound to notice or admire; if you’re not passionate about it, you won’t get anywhere. As mentioned, I wrote two different essays when applying to UT. In my first essay, I wrote about leadership experiences in high school and how they shaped me. Important? Yes. Influential for me? Absolutely. But nothing I’m ready to rave about to anyone who walks through the door. That essay felt fake and artificial. I knew I didn’t like it or want it to represent me. So, I sat down and started writing about a situation that happened over the summer at my high school, one that really ground my gears. I couldn’t stop talking about how upset I was. I wrote all about the experience and how it made me want to be a better journalist and to always help to portray the truth. If anyone would like to know more about that story, let me know. The point is, I was passionate about the topic and it made it much easier to write believably. I didn’t just need this piece to represent me, I wanted it to represent me. I wanted the application readers to understand my frustration and feel all the emotions I felt in those moments. Pick something you feel that way about.)

I’m not going to BS and say that the application process will be fun if the school you’re applying to is the right one for you. All I’m saying is it should feel worth it, like all this hard work and effort is really going to culminate into your dream school. I definitely didn’t feel that with UTA, which was one of my first red flags. I felt very disconnected from the school, like I was just another fish in the pond of out of state applicants, hoping they’d like my bright colors over the next. 

A little background: I am, for the purposes of Texas schools, an out-of-state applicant. I don’t have residency in TX and I didn’t go to a public high school in TX, and this contributes heavily to UTA admissions. I’ll link a great article going further in-depth on the admissions numbers and percentages, but due to the advantages granted to TX resident applicants, approximately only 9% of UTA students are out of state (2). That number is so low because TX students in the top 6% of their graduating class, no matter their test scores, are automatically accepted. This means that on top of great grades, out-of-state applicants for UTA have ACT scores that are between 3-5 points higher and SAT scores that are about 150 points higher than their average TX counterpart. 

If you aren’t stressed out just reading that, teach me your ways because I was sure was.

This was sort of where the perceived animosity started between myself and UTA. I constantly checked my email and mailbox, hoping to get a letter or promotional email or something to indicate they were interested in me as a student. Seldom did they ever come. I got hundreds of emails from other schools and received nearly as much snail mail, but hardly ever from UT, even after I asked to receive their newsletters and an informational packet (which never came, BTW). 

I quickly came to realize that all of this was likely due to the fact that I was so far away, out of the UT sphere of control or influence. Most of the emails I received were from schools in my neighboring states or in my state, closer with a higher likelihood of recruiting me. A school in TX, where I did not study or hold residency, would not seek me out.

Here’s my issue. They didn’t have to seek me out. That’s fine, whatever, makes sense. But I sought them out. I signed up for everything. I filled out their long application, sent it in early. I tried to tour the school in the throws of COVID, having to settle for a self-paced walk about an empty campus to satisfy my need to know more about this school, to learn more about what it could offer me. None of my efforts proved fruitful, and it didn’t feel like the school really wanted me there. I wondered whether this was really where I wanted to be. 

By mid-November, while I wouldn’t have called myself discouraged, I would definitely have identified with the word antsy. When I sent in my application in September, they notified me that I would get my answer sometime in January or February. I can’t even explain how far away that felt. Especially being out of state, I wanted to know their decision as quickly as possible. The wait felt like an eternity.

My dad has always stressed the importance of not putting all your eggs in one basket. While I had shot my shot with UT and was waiting for the scoreboard to change, he was still exploring other options I had in the world of journalism schools. Without me knowing or really agreeing, he scheduled a tour with a school about two hours away from where we lived. It would be on a Saturday, just the two of us, and we’d make a day trip out of it. Honestly, I was more excited for the trip than the school itself. It had always been one I had turned my nose up at; to be fair, I did that with almost any school that wasn’t UT. 

We were about five minutes late to the opening presentation at the school. Quickly shuffling into the only seats we saw, some in the very front row of the socially distanced conference hall, we settled in for a lot of new information  coming our way. Though he had planned it, my dad didn’t know that much about the school either. We were both skeptical, a bit frazzled, and tired from having woken up around five o’clock that morning.

But with every slide, every question, every time the presenter opened her mouth, we were drawn further in.

It wasn’t just the feel of the school, or the location, or the looks. The facts didn’t lie. I won’t share too many so as to keep at least some privacy, but to say this school was my diamond in the rough wouldn’t be too much of an overstatement. Despite that, throughout the day and our two guided tours, I had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, keeping me from getting too excited about this new school. I couldn’t help but think about UT and all of the emotional commitment I had already made to it. How excited my family was that I was hoping to go there, how happy my grandmother was that I would be closer to her. I thought of the teachers I had complained to about the long essays, the people who had edited those essays for me. I thought about the burnt orange hoodie sitting in my closet, towards the front due to how often I wore it. 

The new school won over both my heart and my head. While I really felt at home there, I also would have to have been dead to overlook all of the opportunities it could afford me. I was close to my immediate family and the town I had gone to high school in. I could come home often, visit family and friends more frequently than if I moved states away. Everything seemed right.

In between our tours, due to the nagging I was feeling, I tried to schedule a tour with UTA, to at least give it a fighting chance. I figured, had I not had an in-person tour of this new school, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Maybe a real tour would make me fall in love with UT again. However, when I tried to schedule one, all of the tours for the rest of the semester were completely booked, and the calendar wasn’t yet available for the spring semester. I immediately called to find out more, only to be told that they weren’t sure the state of in-person tours upon return to campus after holidays due to COVID. Looking back, I know it was a sign. UT had, for all intents and purposes, closed its doors on me. It was time I accepted the willing arms of the school I gazed upon with wonder, truly in limbo as to what might happen next. 

By the end of December, I was admitted and had committed to the new school. I wouldn’t find out about UT for another month, but honestly, I didn’t really need to. This new school had everything I could ever want, and UT had a fair amount of drawbacks. I didn’t and still don’t feel any remorse for committing without having known UT’s decision on me. 

I received an email January 29th, over a month after having committed to the new school, that I needed to check my UT MyStatus page. I never really worried about getting in due to my test scores and grades, but I felt a level of anger towards the school that I thought I had gotten over, and finding out I had gotten in after all would bring up new emotions. I checked the page, and sure enough I had been admitted to the University of Texas at Austin’s class of 2025. I wasn’t elated or jumping up and down with joy or breaking down happy crying in my parent’s arms. I was pretty stoic, thinking about all that could have been had I felt any more like UT really wanted me. 

(3)

All things happen for a reason. Because I didn’t feel much reciprocation in my love for UT, I instead found the school of my dreams, one that I know I’ll be much happier at. I wouldn’t change any of my decisions, except maybe stressing over the essays as much as I did. 

My final thoughts would have to be this: I don’t blame the UT system for not focusing as much on its out-of-state applicants. I mean, I do, but I understand that it’s often simply not in their best interest. I do think that they should have reached out, sent more newsletters, have actually sent me the information packet I requested, anything to make me feel more connected with this place I was dying to call home. While I know they aren’t very focused on bringing in students from other states, I think they should be, especially for those that are going the extra mile to reach out to them. 

The right school will have a lot of different things for every different person. For me, that meant being close to my immediate family, knowing I would have all of the opportunities I wanted, being financially secure, and feeling like the school wanted me, not just the other way around. UT didn’t provide me all of that. Finding the school that will is the most important thing. Your needs and wants may be different, but don’t toss all of your eggs in one basket. Don’t be afraid to change your mind and always keep looking for something better. For all you know, it may be out there.

(Thank you so much for reading! Links are below. This is just meant to be an opinion piece and is the first thing I’ve written for myself in a very long time. I hope you learned something and that this may be helpful on your college journey! Au revoir!)

1. https://www.austinchamber.com/economic-development/austin-profile/population/overview

2. https://magoosh.com/hs/college-admissions/ut-austin-admissions-the-sat-act-scores-and-gpa-you-need-to-get-in/ 

3. https://news.utexas.edu/2020/09/22/four-year-graduation-rate-tops-70-as-ut-austin-admits-one-of-its-largest-first-year-classes/ 

[eievuimultimuse]

WHAT WOULD BE YOUR DAEMON ?

HYENA

You're a little intense, but like, who can blame you? | Got a small group of friends you'd kill or die for. No like actually kill or die, no half-assed threats of violence | You hold grudges until the end of time | Respect is earned, not inherent | Says a lot of stuff casually but then oh no turns out you actually really meant it whoops | Probably have a drinking problem (Ash only & yeah he does rip). | You get angry really fast and really ferociously | You either had an edgy atheist “nothing matters” phase, or you’re still in it | Ignoring your problems/mental illness won’t make it go away, you can’t fight your way out of an existential crisis | Both soothed and enabled by mosh pits | Fan of poetry/good writing, but if you’re American, the school system probably punished you for it so now you have mixed feelings on creative stuff | Probably a communist | Super protective of the things and people you care about, to the point of defensiveness. | You either carry a knife with you all the time, or talk about how you want to buy a knife | At this point very little fazes you, probably because you’ve been through or seen a monster load of bs | You’re not actually very good at spotting toxic behaviors, especially if they’re coming from someone you know. A lot of it is stuff that’s been so omnipresent in your life you don’t really recognize it as toxic, and being in like 3 levels of denial so even when you rationally realize someone or something’s toxic you can’t actually make yourself give it up | It’s ok to need a hug, you have all these friends and yet you haven't taken advantage of that

--

FROG

Sensitive and empathetic | You say accurate, psychoanalytical things, but then don’t actually do anything about them | A little bit oblivious | Cutesy and soft to the point of being annoying, but like, it’s also kind of impossible not to love you because you haven’t done anything wrong except for being yourself and being genuinely kind | You unironically reblogs all those “do no harm but take no shit” and positive affirmation comics | Big soft peaceful vibes from a distant, loud peaceful vibes up close | You get secretly unhappy when your friends go to talk to other people about their problems instead of you | Your empathy is compounded with your stubbornness, so once you think you have a situation figured out, you stick to it like glue | Used to be an intense perfectionist, now trying to live your best relaxed life, but those urges still creep up a lot | Like I know you’re really smart, but it feels like everything you say has been approved by someone else first and/or heard somewhere else | Honestly keep being you, just know that not everyone needs a hug and positive affirmations all the time and you’ll never actually be perfect even if you follow what people told you were the perfect guidelines for it

--

BEAR

King of daydreaming | Hopeless romantic | Slow to move, you take a long time to properly make up your mind on things | Quiet and hard to make angry, you know that not being bothered is the best revenge you can give | Not actually very empathetic, you find it hard to understand people’s problems when you know how you’d handle them | You don’t really notice your own impact a lot of the time, you tend to stumble into doing something wrong or hurting someone | Living vicariously through your friends and your stories | Everything’s a puzzle, everything’s solvable, and you’re gonna be the one to figure it out | The school system was not kind to you | Surprisingly competitive, you barrel on ahead when you want something | A bit of a know-it-all, but quietly. The kind of kid who corrects the teacher on their breath in class. | Weirdly high standards | People used to disrespect your boundaries constantly so now you set rock solid walls that no one can cross | A little harsh, somewhat of an acquired taste as far as people go | Secretly athletic, but only in short bursts of intensity | Your way of demonstrating love is through actions and time, words aren't always your strong suit | You make your points strongly and eloquently, you're not a fan of debate but you tend to wipe the floor when you get out there | You can be a bit of a preachy dick though | Really bad at understanding that sometimes, people want sympathy, not answers

[saemple]

intro !!!

back on my bs... ( or hopefully off of it?! ) i present: mister saem. if you’d like to plot, just leave a like and i will hit you up !!! anyways, enjoy this intro while i work on his pages! <3 

━♡ guess the 24 YEAR OLD AUGUST baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because HWANG SAEM is just as CHARMING as the month of AUGUST. wait, why do they remind me of IM CHANGKYUN? beyond that, they seemed PASSIONATE & QUICK-WITTED upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of HOTHEADED &  STUBBORN. i hope they get acquainted here in APARTMENT #8 / FLOOR 4 ; they seem to have a lot going on with HIS job as COLLEGE TUTOR.

basic info. 

name: hwang saem. 

nickname: saem (it’s alraedy short?!) / english name: sam. 

pronouns: he / him.

age: 24.

date of birth: 08.08. 

zodiac sign: leo .

occupation: robotics student / tutor.

hobbies: gaming, surfing the interwebz, hanging around the library. 

background. 

saem was born as an only child in seoul in the month of august - up until he was 16 everything seemed to go flawlessly in his life, even being one of the best in his class; really nothing much to complain about - besides being considered a nerd, but that wasn’t too bad for him.

while his parents got divorced, saem grew up to be quite modest and feels like he had a good enough childhood. he doesn’t see his father a whole lot, which only makes his relation with his mother better. 

knowing that he had to try his best to get a scholarship for university, he studied dilligently during the last few years of high school - often sacrificing his social life or hobbies: securing his future was more important. 

he chose to study robotics as it was something that had fascinated him since he was a little boy - who wouldn’t want to study something like that?! he sees the opportunity of being able to research and create in this field as a blessing.

just like the month of august represents the nostalgic feeling of summer coming to an end, saem is always awaiting something new to come, maybe something or someone to turn his life around to make it more exciting as it is right now ! 

now he mostly just spends his time in class, studying or giving extra tutoring to other students to help them through their seminars with ease. 

he has always been more on the quiet side, a better listener than talker - mostly due to his upbringing; parents often busy, separated and mostly just minding their own business. at some point the focus shifted from family affairs to just making money and surviving, his mother easily overworking herself since his father had ditched. 

before he got to tutoring, saem was doing small mundane jobs like being a barista at the local college coffee shop, at a crafts store or being a clerk in the supermarket down the street - nothing that would buffer his curriculum too much, so he was rather glad to have gotten offered this job at university. 

in his free time he loves to play online games and being on voice with his online friends!

yeah, so, basically ! he is just a normal man thrown into this chaotic world, trying to make the best of things even though everything feels so mundane sometimes ! 

characteristics.

even though saem has been on the quiet side of life, he does tend to leave a good impression on others: he knows how to present himself and he is always polite, sometimes maybe even a bit annoying trying to show off his ‘wisdom’. 

he loves receiving compliments and never misses a chance to try and get one out of others - he just enjoys the attention. 

saem’s ‘aura’ is usually warm and comfortable, like sitting by a crackling fire - most people enjoy spending time with him as he usually knows how to make others feel at ease. 

he is very passionate about what he does and isn’t afraid of showing off his strengths, or to dominate tasks thrown at him.��

saem cares a lot for other people and has a huge heart, he would give his shirt off his back to others if they really needed it; he also extremely generous with his time and affection, always trying to do his best for others. 

due to his confidence in himself, he also tends to be a great cheerleader for those around him, easily encouraging others to improve themselves or get something done.

on a negative side; saem is easy to get taken advantage of since he is so big-hearted. 

apart from that, his strong-will can also be easily mistaken for stubborness; he always wants to achieve his goals and go all the way - often only focusing on one task until it is done, often also just taken the independent way even if it would be better with teamwork. 

criticism is a no-no and makes him pout super easy. 

wanted connections.

gamer friends: he often plays games at night and sometimes even streams / uploads his content onto youtube; not like anyone watches those, but maybe ... ? anyway, you could be best friends online and not even know you live in the same apartment building! 

the fixer: saem is a professional at breaking stuff – or maybe the building is just cursed, however it seems like every week it is something else; a lightbulb going out, the oven not working, the microwave acting up. your muse is good at fixing those kind of things, but it is slowly getting ridiculous... 

party animals: saem really isn’t the type of dude to go out and party, but your muse somehow can always convince this lightweight to have one drink too much and enjoy the night. 

the smell of coffee: someone keeps brewing this delicious-smelling bean juice... but where will the smell lead saem to? and will they give him a good old cup of coffee for free? 

the robot: while saem isn’t quite there yet, he does have a few little friends at home; nothing spectacular since, after all, bigger machines are more important. however, he does enjoy making small, useless robots - that usually do not work. so when one escapes his apartment and makes its way down the hallway to know on your muses door, he is rendered speechless - does it have a mind of its own? 

childhood best friends: someone he grew up with, who he could always lean his head on their shoulder without questions asked! and now living together in the same place?! sounds like a dream come true. 

penpals: someone he exchanges little notes with - maybe they use it as some sort of diary system? 

[dorkylittleweirdo]

crazy shit that happened during high school

freshman year:

my favorite teacher (pe coach) ended up being a pedophile. it’s kinda scary to think about bc like,, that was my favorite teacher and i trusted him and if he tried anything with me i don’t think i would’ve stopped him and just yikes. but yeah, it was a whole thing. once the school found out they got the police involved and he fled the state. they got him in the end but i mean,, i spent a lot of time in the secretary’s office crying about it bc i really trusted that dude and i was distraught over it. that might’ve been where my trust issues started??? fun stuff

my school shut down. like i mean,, bc it was a charter school and we had to get the charter renewed. but the board at my school wasn’t using their money the way they were supposed to. it was a whole thing, like the principal left that school year bc he knew what was happening, couldn’t stop them from doing it, and didn’t want to be part of it. so they had a lot of meetings that us kids were allowed to go to so we could see what was happening and all that. i only went to one and it was A Time bc the lady who was recording everything passed tf out and of course nobody was a doctor and my pipsqueak thirteen year old ass went “i know what to do” bc i Did so i had to help her which was a trip in and of itself. but anyways, the school’s charter got denied, and everyone had to transfer, but the district promised that we could go to any school we wanted, not just the one we would have to go to by zip code

sophomore year:

i ended up going to a private christian school. big fucking mistake. absolute disaster. nothing really happened that was crazy by their standards, but it was for me

so they have a house system. think of harry potter, it’s EXACTLY like that. we have points, we have competitions, we have all that extra stuff. it was such a time, like i don’t,, i don’t even know how to explain how fucking weird that shit was

i came out in the middle of class. the principal’s daughter was our sub and she goes “okay so everyone is gonna tell us something that nobody knows about them” so when it was my turn i go “so it’s not a secret and y’all should know this but clearly y’all don’t: i’m not straight”. silence. dead silence. we could hear the class next to us it was so quiet. some girl whispers “i knew it”. another girl leans over and whispers to my friend “i’m so sorry”. principal’s daughter gives me the most threatening, condescending smile i’ve ever seen and goes “thanks for sharing”. i had to come out to my mom that same day bc i told me friends and they panicked on my behalf bc when people found out that they were gay, the principal told their parents. and i was Not about to be outed by the principal. my mom has since told me that the principal never contacted her about it so i came out for nothing but i mean i really like being out so we’re good

so instead of prom, cult school has this thing called “the ball”. sophomores, juniors, and seniors are allowed to go bc there’s less than fifty people per grade so if sophomores don’t come, there’s not enough people. so i went bc my friends were all going and i was like “yeah why not might as well”. three dance lessons. three fucking dance lessons for this stupid ball that i didn’t dance once at. i literally had three panic attacks in the span of an hour at the second one, and then i had swim practice right after. fucking exhausted. felt like i ran five marathons by the time i got home. the last lesson i didn’t do any dancing, just vibed with my friend in the corner. so at the actual ball, same friend and i vibed at the tables the whole time. we went to the bathroom for like an hour and took mirror selfies and tried to make our asses look bigger bc we’re Like That

SO AFTER THE BALL, there was apparently a massive party and there was alcohol and stuff. so my friends and i were blissfully unaware bc nobody liked us bc who tf likes the school sinners. so we walked to get ice cream after in our fucking ballgowns and suits looking like All That. so the principal thought that it was one of us who hosted the party and we were like “??? what party?”. literally almost got in trouble bc the principal thought we were LYING. i told my mom and she takes No Shit, so when the principal called her demanding to know if i went to/hosted the party, she marched her ass down to the school and was like “i know y’all have something against mexicans and people who are different from y’all, but that’s no reason to blame my daughter for something that your so called “perfect” students did”. my mom got Heated, roasted the fuck out of the principal, then LEFT. principal never fucked with my mom after that

so there was a fire like across the street from the school. the fd told us to evacuate, but noooooo the school was like “god will protect us” i’m like “okay but i’m gay and apparently your god hates that so i think we’re gonna Perish”. the fucking POWER went out and they STILL wouldn’t let us go. my mom called to sign me out so i could go wherever the fuck i wanted in the school until my friend’s dad came to pick us up bc she couldn’t get there bc of the fire. so i vibed next door to my friends’ class and i was like “heeeeey god’s trying to kill the gays” and we laughed about that until my gay ass got saved lmaoooo

okay so this is the funniest memory i have. in chemistry once, our teacher took us outside and started digging a lil hole next to the school. and keep in mind, my chem teacher used to be a hardcore atheist druggie, like fucking meth and coke and shit. took a theology course and converted. so he’s really sweet and nice but he’s also Slightly mad scientist vibes. so anyways, he puts something in this little hole, lights it on fire. i forgot why he did it, but i was standing back with him and one of the exchange students and the three of us watch in Horror as the rest of the class makes a circle around the fire and start doing some weird dance and saying something. it wasn’t like a chant, idk what to call it, but they were like counting like “and one, and two, and three, and four” and then the dance would get more intense and they’d get louder. so eventually they were screaming and going apeshit and i looked at my teacher and he’s just,, watching them do this. i’m like “and i’m satan, huh?”. like these kids really trying to summon the devil but i’m the bad one bc i like girls

junior year:

so technically this was during the summer but i’m putting it here. they have like a house party after the school year ends. i made cookies. apparently they “looked weird” so nobody ate them, two of my soon to be teachers kept insulting them. i called my mom to pick me up, took my cookies with me, got back in the car in tears. had to have a whole conversation with the principal and those two teachers so they could apologize bc i wanted to leave the school after that. dw tho, i took my cookies to the guards at my summer camp and they appreciated the hell out of them bc they were Very Good Cookies

so my ap bio teacher was an enabler. i was his favorite bc i wasn’t a religious nut and it was very obvious that i believed in science and not whatever the hell this cult was doing with their creationist bs. also he was a parasitologist and i’m super into parasitology so he had fun talking about it to someone who both understood and was extremely interested in the topic. i rolled up to class one day like “hey so i’m gonna buy hissing cockroaches from amazon, if my parents find out and don’t let me keep them do you want them??” and he’s like “yeah”. i brought them to class a few times and everyone Hated it but my teacher was like ayyyyy. and everyone thought he was either and atheist or agnostic, so when some girl asked how he thought mary conceived jesus to see what he said, he looked at me like “y’all hear somethin/hel p” and i go “parthenogenesis” and he Went With It, talking about how it was theoretically possible in humans but we ignored the fact that the baby would’ve been a girl bc the class is dumb none of them have ever heard of parthenogenesis before jesus is the true trans icon we all need

my art teacher was my favorite and she knows that i’m gay. she’s the only teacher from my school that i’m still in contact with. so every big project we did, i made it gay. and i knew, and my friends knew, and she knew, but the rest of the class had no idea. i’m like presenting my project and the class would get sus and they’re like “so are those two really good friends” and i’m like “so she has a rainbow heart on her choker and she has a lesbian symbol on her shirt”. the class was still confused and my friend yells “they’re LESBIANS”. it was iconic

my brit lit teacher was bi. she never said it, but i know she was. always talked about how much she hated men, then was like “women are very very good”. no way this woman was straight. so we read dracula and it’s got that Subtext, so one time i leaned over to my friend bc he sat next to me and i go “the Homoerotic Subtext”. and i didn’t realize that the teacher was right in front of me until she tapped my desk and goes “it gets better”, told me a page number that i flipped to, and it was Even More Gay and i was like 😏. also she assigned me a gay poet for my poetry project and i talked about that for my whole presentation in front of the class and it was the biggest paragraph in my essay and i got 100% on it even tho i choked at the beginning. also i mentioned in passing that i liked sappho and she goes “ooh i love sappho” i’m like “ma’am please leave this cult and get you a gf”

senior year:

i left the cult finally. went to the one school i actually liked. i made friends who actually like me and they were patient and they were amazing and i love them all very much even if i’ll never tell them. my classmates were great, v friendly, i had a great time. however,

so many fires. school got cancelled like five times bc of how bad the fires were

the school shooting. i don’t think i need to go further into that, it’s pretty self explanatory

covid. again, don’t need to go further into that, v self explanatory

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Lia I can't stop laughing thank you ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ Can I get some Remy and/or Patton headcanons? (not necessarily romantic or even with them interacting, just headcanons about either of them) My day was fine but my evening has been Decidedly Not so far (except for like,, 5 minutes where my brain was like 'you look pretty! Okay, now it's time to feel like crying for no reason and have a song you don't like stuck in your head')

I’ll Fite your brain for you

Also I know I could have left them separate but,,,,,,,,,, sleepality

I acknowledge now that this is less hcs more an AU. Because apparently I’ m real bad with hcs. Sorry in advance.

Remy is Bad Boy. Nothing gets to him. He’s got shades inside and a leather jacket in any weather. He’s Aloof.

So, no, he isn’t blushing just because Patton waved at him. No, he’s not stumbling over his words because Patton giggled in a way that was too cute to be human. He is decidedly not completely swept off his feet just by Patton smiling softly, sweetly, happily at him.

Nope. Not at all.

Patton is just a happy-go-lucky boi who wants the world to smile with him!

He likes to bake, and he’ll often carry around whatever pastries he baked the night before to hand out to anyone who’ll take one!

He’s known throughout the school. He’s just so damn fluffy and sweet. He got lost on his way to class one time, stumbled into a back room where some of the school’s toughest kids (bullies) were smoking and doing other generally not school friendly things

He offered them his donuts while he smiled and apologized and asked for direction to room 304

He knew all their names, didn’t look annoyed or frightened, just embarrassed for getting lost

Since then he’s been more or less off-limits to be picked on; messing with him gets you ganged up on by EVERYONE

It’s a very good thing that Patton’s sugary sweet because he honestly has too much power in the school

They first ran into each other (literally) in a hallway during passing

Remy wasn’t paying attention to where he was going until suddenly there’s a warm body slamming into his and multiple things falling

He bends down because his sunglasses got knocked off, reaching around blindly, grabs them just as someone else does (so cliched, I know, shh), looks up with a huff of annoyance because he doesn’t have time for this bs-

Turns out? It isn’t bs

He knows Patton by sight, of course, everyone in the school does, but he’s never seen him properly, it seems

Patton is... Patton’s literally glowing, Remy has to think, how his cheeks are a bright, rosy, beautiful red and his skin is sun-kissed golden like he’s a treasure built by gods and his hair is curly and bouncy and light brown with streaks of light bright bouncing blue

Everything about Patton screams- no, it doesn’t scream, it energetically but lovingly tells you- living, loving, bouncy and free and amazing

Remy is star-struck- after all, the sun (who is currently kneeling, personified, in front of him) is a star

Patton laughs, and somehow his laugh glows to, is warm like fresh-baked cookies and easy smile, and apologizes, jokingly saying he needs to look where he’s going, pushing the shades back into Remy’s grasp as he collects his papers

Remy manages to come to his senses enough to help with the pick-up, which he normally would never do, shuffling the papers together as he tried not to look directly at Patton as he handed them back

Patton thanked him with a smile that could have melted the Artic and pressed a cupcake into his hand, the bright yellow frosting on top dashed with black streaks to form a simply perfect smiley face, before hurrying off to his class

Remy remained standing in the hallway, looking at the cupcake held in one hand, glasses clutched in his other hand, a stupid stupid smile quickly spreading across his face and stretching cheeks that were burning

He missed his class and he didn’t care

He had a problem to deal with

Cue: Remy suddenly realizing he sees Patton a lot more often than he thought, and now that he realizes he shares a school building with the sun, with the embodiment of sunshine, with an angel who came to walk among humans as the ultimate sacrifice and brought his halo with him- brought it in his grin and laugh and personality, brought it in his treats and the way he touched people even with just a moment shared- realizing that makes it a LOT HARDER to just ignore him

He’s the definition of a mess. His carefully crafted attitude of never-caring is falling to pieces in front of him. He needs to ignore Patton but... he doesn’t want to. Gods help him, Remy wants to chase that pile of fluff and chat with him as he walked to class and eat lunch with him and if he gets burned up in the other’s inhuman heat than it would be a beautiful way to go

It takes longer than it should for him to get over himself, weeks and nearly months of stumbling over everything he did while in Patton’s presence, to the point that pat probably thinks he’s a weirdo at this point, but finally Remy does it: he askes Patton if he can eat lunch with him. One time. One day. It’s small but it’s something and Remy needs something if he’s going to survive what he has quickly identified as a crush

The lunch is FANTASTIC- Patton is giggly and happy and fun to talk to, and Remy’s able to hold himself together just a little, if only to make this count; bantering with Patton with his snark, though it’s softer around Patton; sweeter, less condemning

When it’s over, he’s a little sad- but that’s okay. Remy ate lunch with Patton and it had been everything he could have hoped so, yep, he was good now, out of his system, this was definitely how crushes worked

Except... Patton found him out the next day, asking if they could eat lunch together again. And again. And again and again and again until they just ate lunch together, no questions, and sometimes on Wednesdays they ‘break’ into the school’s chem lab and Patton pulls ingredients out of his bag and they make mini treats while the chem teacher ‘doesn’t’ supervise and ‘doesn’t’ chuckle and roll his eyes when something inevitably sets on fire (Remy’s doing, always, not that anyone really minds)

(Yes the chem teacher is Logan)

And one day Remy’s chuckling as he helps Patton pat down the table he has, for the seventh time, managed to set on fire, and Patton runs out to get some paper towels from the bathroom (some batter spilled in the mess) and Mr. Logan says something like ‘this takes me back’

Remy: ‘oh, yeah? you burn a lot of tables in your youth, Mister?’

Logan: ‘not exactly, but... well, me and Virgil (aka Mr. Emo Weirdo, who has walked in on every single one of Logan’s classes at some point, mostly to offer wrong answers to questions that are at least half of the time poorly veiled flirts) used to break into the science classrooms and make rather dangerous concoctions when we were in high school. off dates, I suppose, but when young and in love...’

Remy: ‘...what’

The conversation falls into confused Logan saying that Remy and Patton are dating, yes, it’s exactly what it looks like...

Remy’s mortified. He’s not dating! That would be- well that would be great actually- but he’s not dating him! That’s... that’s impossible!! He’s not... Patton would never want him, sweet sweet Patton who shines bright enough to light the world, they can’t be dating, it would never happen

Before anything more can be said Patton’s back and everything’s back to normal... or is it?

Remy starts hanging out with Patton less, worried he’s sending bad signals, or taking advantage of the sunshine, or something

Tbh... Logan thinking they were dating, and him considering that as a reality... it was amazing. He had never been happier.

But Patton wouldn’t want him, it wouldn’t be right, so he had to move on before his heart got broken and it was all his damn fault

Patton’s upset, and worried. what changed? Why is Remy avoiding him? Did he say something?

Patton finally corners Remy and it all spills out. Remy admitted he’s been crushing since day one, that dating Patton would be... would be incredible, but Patton’s just his friend, that’s all they are, he’s sorry he got ahead of himself or acted too close or anything-

Patton’s been steadily getting closer to him as he speaks, Remy’s words coming out quicker the closer they are, until Patton’s right in front of him and Remy’s breath is caught in his throat but he has to pretend it isn’t because it isn’t fair

But then Patton...

‘can I kiss you?’

Remy says yes so quickly it’s almost as if he had seen the question coming

The kiss is... it’s warm as freshly baked brownies and as sweet as them, it’s softer than just-washed blankets and as lovely as the first lilies of spring

Most importantly it’s with Patton, both of them holding each other, arms having wrapped around the other at some point, secure and soft and warm and, because it’s with Patton, utterly perfect

[calmedflames]

 ----- OH GOD how do you rp again?? hm anyWAY the name’s ria ( believe no one else mads when they say otherwise ) 22 , in the worst timezone possible and p much always confused !! but i have some probably not helpful info about two precious children under the cut so YAH

『    JAMIE MOON  ||     28     ||       FLOWER SHOP CLERK / BARTENDER     』

 god she’s so pretty i cry BUT ANYWAY y’all ready for some tragic bs story? well get ready. 

so jamie’s adopted ----- ok not as dramatic but like lstn ,, she was born in busan, south korea into a pathetic excuse for a family , cue abusive dad and helpless mom and poor af but like she made peace with it only cause she learned how to shut off her feelings and lived in denial p much

but one day her dad gets an offer from one of his work colleagues to move to the US and be the head of the office there ,, they just have to pay a “small” fee and other expenses like visas and shit but being the idiot that he is , sells off everything they have so that they can move and when they reach washington , there’s nothing --- no office no people ,, nothing

they don’t know the language , have no house , no nothing SO OFC the only logical reason was for him to kill himself and mom followed suit and now our 14 yr old girl has no where to go :) 

jamie now somehow has to learn to live in a new country all by herself ,, fantastic -- but she does... sleeps on benches or finds people here and there who sometimes help her or rob her OH WELL but yeah eventually a store owner takes pity and lets her work for some food and eventually they help put jamie in the system 

YA GIRL GETS ADOPTED BY A RICH ASS FAMILY 

her adoptive parents are nice and all but after her, they adopted another younger child and later had a child of their own so hello insecurities of being kicked out anytime soon 

so eventually she worked and borrowed some money from the fam and moved out and now yeah now she’s just chillin’ 

that’s all i got okay be nice 

oh also lesbian af

  WANTED CONNECTIONS                            

past reflections :  maybe some people she met during the time she lived on the streets ... people who helped her or who she stayed with for a couple of days or someone took advantage or robbed her or whatever 

thicker than blood  :  gimme her two younger siblings thanks 

exes and ohs  :  did someone say ex-girlfriend? yes. 

a (girl) crush  :  someone she likes but is obviously straight but she’s just heart eyes

a (boy) crush  :  some guy she probably dated a while back to make her parents happy but obviously had no future w cause she gay 

regular mistakes  :  ayeee friends w benefits bc who doesn’t want that 

idk man anything you can think of lmk

『    RICK SULLIVAN   ||     37     ||       ANIMAL SHELTER OWNER        』

ok but how cute is he 

imma be honest there’s not much exciting to his background and that has nothing to do with the fact that i literally created this character under peer pressure ( ahem mads ahem ) maybe it does

so he was born in a small town in texas , loving mom and dad and eventually had a little sister who he adores with all his heart and picture perfect family ----- i mean all families have their issues but it was mostly good 

their mom stayed home and looked after the kids and their little farm while their army man dad bravely fought wars 

but ofc , one day the letter of their dad’s death comes and the responsibilities of being the man of the house fall on poor 16 year old rick 

and he did what he could to help out , small odd jobs that earned some money while balancing school and all that ---- but it turned out good , eventually making enough money to take his little family and move to elms and start his own little animal shelter 

BUT SO our boy rick is a simple man , kind , sweet , handsome , helpful , likes to travel ( although has never been anywhere ), likes to paint once a while also is romantic and likes long walks on the beach 

OH ALSO i forgot to mention , the one woman he fell in love with left him at the alter :)) 

so yeah , after that he was a little broken , his sunshine personality took a hit and he went on a drinking binge for a bit but yah mads just hates all of my characters and does this every time 

WANTED CONNECTIONS  

little one  :   his younger sister please , i imagine they have a good relationship but lets talk about it for sure

mother knows best  :  well yeah , his mom , pretty straightforward. she took good care of ‘em as children but also put a lot of pressure on rick’s shoulders at a young age and they’re good for the most part and he’s super protective of her , sometimes annoyingly but in good faith

best buddy  :  everyone needs a best friend you guys

bad habits die hard  :  so like i said , rick is goody two shoes but went in a “bit” of a spiral after the whole wedding thing so probably someone who taught him to drink and become a. as rick would say a “ hardcore baddie ”   ---- god he’s so lame

animal shelter employees  :  who wants to come hang out with cool old man rick and his adorable puppies 

[emsartwork]

ask dump pt. 1

1.  You haven’t sent me this! Im just gonna do color blobs because i know people get freaked out my blood. keep in mind i know almost nothing about blood chemistry so all the reason behind these color choices are bs lmao @drops-of-moonlights​

2. lol alright alright twist my arm why don’t you (sarcasm i actually want to do one lol) i’’l get on that in the next week or so

3. hmmmm so i haven’t actually watched the episode but from what i’ve gathered from the fandom icy was a princess with a younger sister when a witch showed up turned her sister into a fox and froze her entire planet? so like. first of all, this was entirely pulled out of rainbows ass, but that doesn’t mean i don’t like it?  if they had wanted to reflect Bloom’s story icy should have been the younger sister, but with her as the older sister i don’t think of it as reflecting Bloom but Daphne, and honestly that’s the more interesting choice from my perspective. Like i know people are partial to having fire and ice parallels but its less of an obvious paralell and more of a “what if” What if Daphne hadn’t been able to protect Bloom? Would she have turned out like Icy? If Icy had successfully protected her sister would she have lost her life? would she have been forced off the planet? would she have attended alfea and not cloud tower? Where were their parents? who was the witch lady? why did icy choose to become a witch when that was the source of all her trauma? like i don’t really give a crap about her being a princess(i guess its cool?) i just want to dive into the relationships and the effects they have on people.

4. omg yes earth is the USA of Magix.  and Magic super weapons are a TERRIFYING concept. Like thats probably what obsidian and the realix would be considered? but those were both made accidentally (in my version) so something like a nuclear bomb made with magic on purpose is indeed controversial. (but on a less serious note, imagine the memes about earth) 

5. Yes i am! I just haven’t gotten to them yet

6. THE WHOOSH!!!!!! THE DRAMATIC FUR LINING!!!!! THE POTENTIAL FOR THIS WHOLE AESTHETIC!!!! only to be a weird ass version of sirenix/harmonix. so disappointing. @hug-all-platelets

7. ooooh nice

8. nah. first problem is that Aidan has already grown into his magic fully, adding the dragon fire on top would cause some issues( its safest to pass it on to an unborn baby where it will grow in along with their core magic). second is that Adian isn’t part of the Domino Royal family and the dragon flame (and technically the shadow flame as well) is part of that. Third, Ophelia is like..... weirdly proud that she has the dragon flame? like you know when you have a cold and you hate having a cold and you feel awful and have to take medicine but you love that you don’t have to go to school like your non-sick siblings? its like that

9. ooooh that would be super cool!

10. Thank you! @knightsofeclipse

11. so among the winx its the YAY! group(bloom, stella, flora) and the WTF group(aisha, musa, and tecna) and then the besties Stella/bloom, aisha/flora, tecna/musa. Outside of that, Tecna and flora actually get along pretty well. and of course musa and aisha. In the specialists the gym bros are riven, brandon, nabu, (and eventually nex), and the problem solvers sky, timmy, helia (and sort of roy) between the two groups, helia and bloom do life drawing together sometimes. Musa sometimes works with Helia on her lyrics because of his poetry angle. Brandon and flora are basically the moms of their groups so they’ll get tea if the other ever has to vent. Timmy and stella will sometimes DIY clothing together (stella for the FASHION and timmy because thats how he was raised lol) Riven and aisha have a friendly sometimes not so friendly competition and come up with challenges for each other. Sky and Stella hang out and bitch about being royalty with strict dads’. Sky also wants to implement more technology on eraklyon (they’re fairly tradtional rn) so he and tecna will talk shop sometimes. Nex and Flora can hang out and get along rly well but literally nobody understands HOW because they’re so different. Nex can also hang out with musa but that only has two outcomes: united chilled out apathy or BLOODSHED. Timmy and musa also like to mix music together as timmys actually pretty good on a launchpad type thing, they have a youtube channel.

12. i can’t remember what i had it as originally so i guess its just zhen?

13. I might eventually do Stella’s monster form! For valtor’s mark, its a very subtle mind control thing and power up for the victim. It created a link between the victims and valtor, allowing him to plant thoughts in their head and transfer them a little bit of his magic so they’re more powerful. @inversway

14. Thank you!

15. I’ll probably end up drawing the nymphs eventually! 

16.  I’ll probably end up drawing the nymphs eventually! and no male magic users have a system more like witches where they have different names based on where they source their magic and how they channel it. only fairies have “transformations”

17. i think its just my goal to make everybody gay for all the winx ladies and i am crushing it

18. Thank you! and yeah, Diaspro did a lot wrong but so did sky and honestly? so did Bloom. I think the reason people like to go the “diaspro did nothing wrong” route is because sky is pretty dick-ish in the first two seasons, and bloom is already the center of attention so we side with diaspro because we like an underdog. but diaspro is also a walking trope combo of mean girl and crazy ex so we have to erase that in order to like her the way we want to. idk i just wanted to make one of the villain girls (who all get the short end of the stick most of the time)  redeemable with out erasing her flaws and mistakes(like rainbow did with selina)

[autisticandroids]

1,4,29,39

1. “who’s your celebrity crush?”

i don’t really have one? celebrity fandom in general is not my scene. I guess i would say that michelle yeoh is talented and sexy in everything. like, i know nothing about her as a person but i enjoy watching her act and i think she’s really attractive, so..... michelle yeoh?

4. “ do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art?“

yeah. this is a weird, complicated question, but broadly yeah. i think the context of art should probably be acknowledged, but that goes way beyond who made it. it includes things like what kind of society was it made in, who was it made for, what was it influenced by, what impact did it have. and i also think it’s not immoral to ignore any of those things. i think good analysis - good as in skillful, not good as in morally correct - should take them into account, even if all “taking them into account” means is acknowledging that one is intentionally recontextualizing the work, or ignoring something about its context. an analysis of art that completely ignores broader context is more likely to be a poor analysis, especially if there is significant space of time and culture between the creation of the art and the analysis being done.

however, because this is tumblr, i think the question being asked here is more along the lines of “is it wrong to enjoy hp lovecraft’s work even though he was a racist” or “is it wrong to like harry potter even though jkr has turned out to be a terf” and the answer to those questions is “no.” like it’s pretty categorically “no.” if you’re concerned about this, and the original creator is still alive, you can take steps to keep your money from going to them, but their art doesn’t have cooties on it. it probably has some of their bigoted ideas but like. most, nay, all art carries within it bigoted ideas. art was made in the context of society and society is bigoted. there is probably bigotry that we don’t understand in those 30,000 year old cave paintings in france. 

29.  “ what quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs?”

i find this question kind of confusing. but i’m also not really one for inspirational quotes. i think a lot of them are pretty sounding nonsense, and a lot of others are true but mainly useless platitudes. but i’m also not generally the target audience for things like inspirational quotes; i’m very much a glass half empty type and we’re not big on inspiration, in general. 

i guess one that i used to see every day on a poster at my high school that always struck me as wise, but then i thought about it and i decided it wasn’t, was that einstein quote. madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, or something like that. because when i thought about it, well. have you ever tried to open a jar, and then handed it to someone else, and they got it first try? i do this all the time, both as the hander and the handee. it works because the first person genuinely does manage to loosen the jar, but not before they tire out their hands too much to get it all the way. the correct solution to the jar problem IS in fact to try the same thing over and over until it works, because every attempt loosens it just a little bit. that’s what i always think of when i see that quote.

39. “describe your aesthetic”

oh man. oh no. this is actually quite hard, y’know. my personal aesthetic? the aesthetic of things i like to look at? how i wish i could dress, sans bodily constraints? what i wish my house looked like? what i wish my life story looked like? the kinds of stories i like to read?

i guess i’ll give you a list of things i like in a very aesthetic way, that reveal a few of my disconnected aesthetic sensibilities.

coloring books where you can color in complex, retrofuturistic cityscapes devoid of inhabitants

Alice (1988) dir. Jan Švankmajer

stories with a lot of intrigue and diplomacy

the like, sexy overalls romper outfit that the android girl wears in star trek tos “what are little girls made of?”

a floor length wine red dress that i own that looks like a ballgown and makes me look like a fancy heiress, but is actually made of t-shirt fabric, so it’s so soft that i’ve slept in it before, and so stretchy that i could theoretically use it as a tent.

stories where some sort of murder or attempted murder is used as a subtext proxy for being gay

the romulan uniforms in star trek tng

the experience of watching lost before they started ever trying to (poorly) explain the mysteries

The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (1972)

oldtimey stories about “scientists” who are actually just rich guys who do experiments in their attic, which is actually all a scientist really WAS at the time, going Too Far and blaspheming against god. even better if their punishment doesn’t stick and they don’t stop

the part in tinker tailor soldier spy where ann says “i cough when there are things i can’t say,” or rather the fact that she says it

stories about absolute, poisonous obsession 

my memory of being seven years old watching the scene in the fellowship of the ring where galadriel almost takes the ring, where instead of just going all green and her hair blowing around, galadriel’s face becomes an empty white china masquerade mask, and her body turns to living, swirling ribbons in a whirlwind twelve feet tall

the little doll i made out of my night vale angels headcanon when i was sixteen, and the drawing i based it on

the mere concept of alia, from dune

the bits inside the witches, from madoka magica, where the animation gets all fucked up and stop motiony

stories about absolute loyalty and devotion, whether that’s to a person or a belief system

like everything visual about Mirrormask but especially this scene

the whole like, old fashioned cold war style underground bunkers where science goes too far aesthetic that scp wiki has going on

the first episode or maybe two of this anime, but none of the subsequent episodes, which all suck shit tragically

abandoned buildings, and the impression that if one were to go deep enough into one, one would find a secret inside, like a portal to another world, or a very nonhuman inhabitant

this is a list of some things. i guess

[raguna-blade]

Revolutionary Girl Utena 4-7

Hm...Not quite as clean as last time, but hey. Less stewing, for better or worse. And God, shit just keeps happening.

Episode 4

Opening 10000@ chunked full of meaning. Similarly, lacking context for any of it right now, so that's s for later,  .

Still trying to get over the bit where the two are in armor and look like they're about to come to blows before going in the same direction though.

Express the eternal beauty huh.

Also, Nanami you trfling what are you....

Woman can put her logic on a man huh...? Odd, but ok.

It's kinda amazing how much folks be putting on Anthy and not people who are actually, you know, who are actually to blame. Gotta get that Rose Bride who does....uh...Something. Girlfriend(?), Muse, Key to reVOLUTION???? Little talk o anthy. For literally everyone so far.

Though Miki at least seems to acknowledge her a bit.

When's Nanami's turn to fight.

Shadow Girls gonna make us feel mad dumb later. Feelin it.

Nanami jesus christ chill the fuck out. The most trifling bullshit I swear. Petty bullshit. Mind, Middle schooler so.

Ok, hey, that's a FUCK ton of snails. Like goddamn. Named them...? Uh... Uhhhhhhhh.

THAT IS A WHOLE ASS SNAKE WHOA HEY WAIT A MINUTE. Garter Snake but.

Makin the maxuse of those repeat frames and text.

Also, all night for the snake...?

An...Octopus....?

AN OCTOPUS? WHAT THE FUCK. YES NANAMI

A ballooon?

Miki, you literally know nothing about her.

Nanami soul crushed. Chuchu just..Trollin.

Seriously though, Anthy and animals that a thing?

Nananmi actually asking a relevant question. Why DOES everyone like Anthy so much out of nowhere? She's cute, but she's kinda reclusive so...?

Where'd Anthy learn that song? Didn't Miki write it...? Also, homeboy's sister? Found your shining thing huh?

Ending Also Clearly has some meaning that I'm not quite getting. Rose Bride Utena is...Kinda weird. Feels wrong? Gotta sit down with the lyrics for op and ending though. But yeah, both them rose brides feels...Odd. And it seems to be mirroring? So that's strange.

Do it for Miki's sake? Right and not for hers...?

Episode 5

Huh. Shadow Girls share VA with the teaming masses of school girls. Also, the budget for these fight scenes.

Why is it always the same three girls btw?

Does the Entire senior Student council just talk in riddles? Saionji was pretty straightforward but he's a dumbass apparently.

Awkward Confusing smiles abound. And this damn monkey again. I don't even dislike him he's just there. And those eyes.....

Wrote a famous song...? Uhhhhh. Sibs huh.

Destroyed the garden own hands? Miki did you do something to your sister? Oh hey caged bird little girl? Sure it's nothing.

And he left her (of no choice of his own cause fucking measles) sis got traumatized, and now idolizing that memory and his sister?

Is she dead or something? Have you talked with her? Also, where the hell...

WHAT ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH MIKI?

Utena: Please be a person Anthy I fucking beg you. This duel bullshit is dumb.

Anthy: Ok, but I'm your bride. I am down with this system my girl.

SHELL BREAKING. Wait a second, does this elevator thing happen right before every duel or revelation?

Are there only- hold up, dissolve the student council. Hey good on you Miki.

Miki: Aint this gonna fuck something up for people.

Touga: Aight, but hey if you feel it fuck the system kid.

Miki, just ignoring his sis and...what's with the dishevelment. Was she...? Piano room's not for HOLY SHIT WAS SHE FUCKING TOUGA

Sis looks just like you, But you're cuter. Uhhhhhhhhhhh

Touga, Only the winner get's to do what they want. And I banged your sister who you seem to hate, y u mad.

Miki: My sis used to look cute as an angel. You look like an angel btw

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Anthy: *BLANK EMPTY LOOK” OF COURSE I'LL STOP IF SHE TELLS ME I AM THE ROSE BRIDE

Touga: INCREASINGLY NUDE: Hey, REMEMBER THE ROSE BRIDE SHIT I JUST TOLD YOU. YOU GOTTA BE BUFF TO HAVE THE BRIDE BRUH

Two Steps: Miki I will Trash the System Touga Interrupt Fuck, I guess I gotta fight Utena in this barbaric bullshit. Due Time.

SHADOW GALS APPROVE PIRACY. Also, What do you want.

Dat Absolute Destiny Yeahhhhhhhh Settin the Mood. Someone's about to get Some kind of REVELATION. From DIOS. Or some such. Actually, Dios is pretty close to god (I may be super wrong here) but the possibly flipping nature of it all is I guess, some kind of truth thing since if it were pure skill, as suggested with Juri losing to Miki somehow, utena deffo wouldn't have beaten Saionji. So, Whoever has the better understanding of things get's the power of Dios? Thus the power to change the world? Seems straightforward enough. Though why Anthy has that power.

NEW DUEL THEME. DOPE SONGS What's the meaning cause man, they're  apparently different per duel, as per (?????) which seems so so far.

Miki: I want the Bride!

Utena: YOU SURE THIS IS HOW YOU WANT IT?

Miki, SHE WANTS THE FREE

Anthy: SOULLESS EYES. For real, she needs to emote.more regular like. Seemingly likes Utena so....

Utena Wins, Defloration Complete. Beat, like that, one stroke.

Miki's Sis: I freaked out on stage and was never good. People thought I was though

Miki: I'M GONNA GO ALL OUT ON THIS DUEL SHIT YOU WATCH.

Utena: DO YOU NOT GET IT BRUH?

Episode 6

Ah, the good ole days when you could repeat frames like that.

Nanami almost dies, weird faceless stalker and car driver, mk

Nanami: SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME, LEMME JUST HOP ON THIS TABLE TO PROVE THE POINT.

Touga: I have Important s THOT s student council work.

Oh shit that hit her square in the face..

Utena: Trying to Kill Nanami Clearly.

That ball is lodged in her dome damn.

Utena: TOGAS A THOT, FACT

Touga: KILL THEM. KILL THE VERMIN

Anthy: Life is life. Leave it be.

Nanami: MY BROTHER WANTS ME DEAD. ANTHY IS BEHIND THIS. THAT WITCH SEDUCING HIM

Why does everyone think he'd kill his sister. Damn Nanami. What's your relationship that people buy it immediately.

A whole ass horse and...chickens?

Prince Appeared. Mitsuru Tsuwabuki....?????????? Watch for the name I guess.

Why...Why do they assume all these dudes are her type off hand? Like...

Oh hey he has a face and is a small boy ok. Uh...Hey, Are you prpositioning a child. Um.

UM

Shadow Gals what he fuck does curry have to do with it. Are y'all trollin.

Also, hey Nanami. Uh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ACTUALLY DATING A KID? TO JEALOUS YOUR BROTHER? WAT

A Brocon. And a drama queen. Everyone is baffled.

What the fuck is he doing in the locker. Just...snapped her fingers. Under her desk. Man slave boy. Uh

uhhhhhh.

WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM SAIONJI. Hidden Love

Hard Ignore.

Nanami: Who are you three idiots. WHERE DID THE BOY COME FROM.

Y'all about to throw down with a kid. And he's...He won, damn. PUT HIS BODY IN THE LAKE JESUS.

Nanami: Mitsuru is my boyfriend. I can treat him how I like.

Mitsuru: ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A BOYFRIEND

Is this...Is this a rosebride thing? Like a kinda fucky mirror jam?

Also, did Touga 1v1 a Bull and win? What the fuck? I agree Mitsuru, he's pretty cool yeah.

Be a Big Bro, not a boyfriend. No choice but to put her in danger again in order to get her to be what I want.

Where did that equipment come from.

WHAT IS WITH THIS SCHOOL. A KANGAROO? WERE THEY GONNA BOX THIS ASSHOLE?

So, Mitsuru as rosebride, Gotta Protec, get’s wrecked. So...Uh..Anthy....?

Boy fucked up that kangaroo. 1V1 me YOU PUSSY DO IT COWARD.

Nanami: Don't be an idiot jesus fucking christ. I CAN'T JUST LET SOMEONE USEFUL DIE FOR ME GOD.

Was...Was Touga the one fighting the Kangaroo...For Real? Why...Why was he...One PUNCH.

Mitsuru: Lemme be your bro please.

Episode 7

Ohp, Serious time out the gate ok. Guess 6 was a palette cleanser.

Juri: Dominant. Sure I'm buff but what for? God.

Juri Arisugawa? Alice Refs...? Seen that name used that way before. I'll watch for it.

Huh, the immediate mirroring with Utena is...odd?

Juri: Fuck Off Vice Principal.

Wait, was he hitting on...her...? Oh that's not.

Chuchu always with Utena? Huh.

Also Juri, Dominant as fuck, offing students left and right.

Oh, she's explaining things. Rosebride gives power to revolution.

Utena: Oh cool, super powers. Dope. Seems MAD FUCKING STUPID.

Juri: Yeah. Seems dumb right.

Ok, juri uh...Has EVERYONE Slapped Anthy thus far? Like...Ok? Does Everyone Get a Turn? Is...Is this a thing? It's kinda.

SHELL TIME. DUEL? DUELL?

End of the World: DUEL TIME

Is touga trying to kill Miki. What's with knives man? Miki. HOW MANY KNIVES. BLINDFOLDS

Juri: I don't believe any of this shit. I'll prove it's bs.

Old love. It's 1000000% not this dude. Don't you. Play me.

ORANGE ROSE AT CROTCH LEVEL WHAT? And she got denied I guess...?

SHES IN LOVE WITH SOMOENE AND ITS NOT YOU.

There was some love triangle shit, and girl is perpetrating.

MUSIC GONE. SHITS REAL

Jesus this show is just full of bullshit.

Ok, we had a moment with why utena is the way is she is, Juri Does not approve. Miracles are Bullshit, I will dunk you in the the fucking OCEAN.

Rabbits Dance all around huh. OK.

SHADOW GALS. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

ABSOLUTE DESTINY TIME. TIME FOR SOMEONES IDEALS TO GET BUSTED I GUESS.

Also, like how the various wings on the garden go from vaguely angelic to kinda ominous. I mean the whole deal is sketchy as fuck, you don't just start singing about the apocalypse and ignore it. DARKNESS OF LIGHT DAWG. DARKNESS DARKNESS EVERYWHERE. KINGDOM HEARTS WISHES!

Also is that castle CG? It feels it but...

Juri: MIRACLES ARE BS BUT IF THEY'RE REAL SHOW ME THE TRUFACTS

Utena: NOT SURE ABOUT MIRACLES BUT WHATEVER I DON'T NEED THAT SHIT.

FIGHT. Oh boy new song.

Lucifers light...? Uh...All of this is ominous as fuck. Then a bunch of night and darkness gods.

Certainty of Death, Namely Light.

Sword Falls Just so to cut the Rose. Uh. Miracle....?

Uh...Juri Was Robbed.

Consistently though, the stronger convictions won. Juri was legit robbed, but she hesitated, so she lost.

Juri: MIRACLES ARE BULLSHIT AND MY GAY LOVE WAS NOT RESPECTED GOD

Also, Juri=Lucifer? For...The Student Council...? She does seem to be the one who least believes in this shit. She didn’t even duel utena for the rose bride like literally everyone else. She just wanted to prove Utena’s ideals wrong.