#also I've never fully appreciated Sunday until now

[doumadono]

ANNOUNCEMENT

This is a turning point for me. I've been silent for too long, but I can't stay quiet anymore.

I'm going through writer's burnout, and it has hit me hard. I've been writing on Tumblr and Ao3 for nearly eight years now (with about 1.5 years on my private blog, doumadono). Over that time, I've written more than 400 stories across various fandoms, created the Sinful Sunday event and a series that many people like, helped many with numerous emergency requests — so many that one masterlist wasn't enough to cover them all.

But all of this has brought me to a place where writing no longer feels like a joy, but rather a duty. In my effort to make everyone happy, I lost myself and took on too much, accepting even the most twisted and difficult requests. It made me anxious and unwell whenever I thought about writing. This is why I haven't been posting much these past few weeks. I missed the breaking point and let myself reach a place where I was seriously considering quitting writing altogether and closing both my Tumblr and Ao3 accounts.

There's something else I need to address. I feel completely detached from Jujutsu Kaisen and Demon Slayer. I no longer feel comfortable writing for those fandoms. From now on, I'll be focusing mostly on My Hero Academia. Even though the manga recently ended, both the manga and the anime hold a special place in my heart. I’ve fallen in love with the story and its amazing characters. This is what feels right to me at this moment. That doesn't mean I'll never write for Demon Slayer or other fandoms again, but not now, not at this time. Maybe in the future — who knows?

Some of you might know that I've been dealing with a flood of hateful anonymous messages. Even though I’ve grown stronger and no longer consider them relevant, it still hurts to read such nasty words. This is another factor why I need to take a break.

So, what's going to change?

Sinful Sunday will no longer cover requests, and the event won't be as regular as it used to be. From now on, I'll post some sinful pieces specifically written for this event whenever I feel it's right. I'll write only for the characters I feel attached too.

Emergency requests will be limited to two slots and will no longer have a 48-hour window to be fulfilled. Once both slots are taken, emergency requests will be closed until I manage to clear the current asks in my inbox.

As of today, my ask box has been completely cleared. I won't be replying to any past asks, regardless of their origin or topic.

Commissions will remain open, as nearly all the requests have been fulfilled.

Regarding the following projects:

The Kvitravn series will be completed this year, but I can't provide a specific date just yet as I'm still working hard to bring everything together.

There's also a new series on the horizon featuring Dabi in the lead role, with a psychiatrist!Reader as the other main character.

As for Kinktober, I made a hard decision it will not be held as an event on my blog this year at all.

As of now, I want to focus on my own little My Hero Academia based AU that I created with my best friend @crystalwolfblog , and this is something that brings me a lot of comfort nowadays, and it's what I want to focus on. I’ll likely create another blog to post everything related to this AU, to keep things organized (the blog will be linked to my pinned post). This little AU was and is my safe haven for the past year and half, and since it contains all of my favourite characters, I want to focus on it fully.

The time for purification has come. I need to rediscover my purpose and find joy in writing again. To those who understand and have stuck with me since the ThePaperPanda days — you’re amazing and adorable, and I can never express how much I appreciate you, guys 💞

I want to share one last thought. This isn’t a statement, but rather a plea to readers: please respect writers, no matter the content they choose to explore. Writing is not as easy as it may seem; it requires a significant amount of time and effort, often taking up our personal time to craft a story. Don't send anon hate. Spread love instead! The least you can do to show your appreciation is to leave a comment, even if it’s just a word or two. For you, it’s a small gesture that takes less than a minute, but for the writer on the other side, it may be a much-needed sign that their work is meaningful. So if you enjoy an author’s work, don’t hesitate to leave a comment. It truly makes us writers feel like we’re on cloud nine.

Love you all, Marcianna

[matan4il]

sorry if this isn't a good place to ask but you're one of the few blogs on here that has actually done any research at all on the subject and. yknow how the pro-palestine donation posts repeatedly give you the option to buy esims specifically. why is that? I've never seen any other movement where the donation posts had you buy esims for them. what fucking use *are* they? you can't eat them, drink them- you might be able to order food with them if it wasn't for the fucking war.

maybe this is cynicism on my part but i genuinely suspect they're being used by hamas to spread propaganda. why else would they need that many esims? but you definitely know more about this than i do.

Hi lovely, sorry it took me a moment to reply!

I can tell you that even before I got this ask, the eSims campaign struck me as odd and suspicious, based on a few basic things I know, but if I was going to reply to you on this, I needed to do some research about it.

To make this ask reply clear, by "connectivity" I mean the ability to either make phone calls, log onto the internet, or both.

Okay, so why did this campaign make me wonder in the first place? Because while there have been some connectivity problems for Gazans, from what I know, there was only one time when connectivity was down to a degree that would justify a campaign, even then it wasn't completely gone for good, because Israel has worked to restore connectivity to Gazans. But I also wondered whether, if the connectivity is down, an eSim would be the solution? And if it would be, why would there be a need for that many eSims? We're over 5.5 months into this war, that's almost half a year of constantly hearing how Gaza is about to starve, so are eSims really Gazans' biggest problem if they have no food and basic needs? But even if it was enough of a problem to merit a campaign, wouldn't there have been more than enough donations by now to have solved it to a considerable degree? Since connectivity was never fully gone for long, surely there's a limit to how many more eSims they actually need, at least at certain points in time? From my experience with donating to Israelis displaced or affected by Palestinian terrorists (in this war, as well as during previous crises), there does come a time when you hear, "Okay, thank you to everyone donating X, we have enough of that, what we need now is more of Y, we would really appreciate you donating that!" But there has been no moment when we saw the eSims campaign saying, "We've had enough donations of this type, thank you, now please look more into donating X or Y, which Gazans currently need more."

And that led me to another question - if there is a certain scam involved here, what kind? Is it a financial one? Is this just meant to get money from the rest of the world feeling bad for Palestinians, and beyond the financial theft, it's harmless? Or is the money going to Hamas and people affiliated with it, which means it might be financing terrorism and the continuation of killing? Or maybe the scam is in allowing Hamas terrorists connectivity that can't be tracked as easily by Israeli security forces, which are trying to avert terrorist attacks against Israeli civilians?

I am not the biggest expert, so I don't have all the answers, but here's what I have managed to figure out.

So, first of all, connectivity requires physical infrastructure. Israel has been providing that for Gaza for years, in the form of underground cables and cellular antennas positioned on both sides of Israel's border with Gaza (source in Hebrew). The Oct 7 massacre initiated by Hamas and the following war have at times physically damaged this infrastructure, which is why Gaza has had less connectivity than usual (though it's not gone). The one time which was the worst, in terms of connectivity, the internet (but not all connectivity) was down from Friday, until Israel managed to fix things on Sunday (link above is the source for all this, it's an article from Oct 31, 2023. That said, Oct is when the most connectivity issues were reported). That means that Gaza was never fully offline except for that short period of Friday to Sunday. It also means the connectivity issues are not some plot to keep Gazans from telling the world about their plight (the way I've seen the eSims campaign presented on social media), or the connectivity would be totally down, and Israel would not do anything to restore it at any point.

And I'm pointing this out to explain one of two reasons why eSims being bought for Gazans might be useless as a solution to Gaza's connectivity if Israel was actually purposely harming it. (this following part is based on me reading way too many articles about eSim technology, those can be easily found everywhere online)

If the physical infrastructure providing the signal (which mobile networks use to provide connectivity) is physically damaged, eSim technology can't bypass that. Because eSim technology doesn't provide the signal, it just allows the owner of an eSim to easily switch between mobile networks without having to switch physical SIMs provided by these networks. That means, that for the eSim to work, there has to be some connectivity anyway. There also has to be connectivity in the first place in order to activate the eSim program paid for by someone outside Gaza (not to mention, they'd need connectivity to get the code, and learn that they're getting an eSim, and how to activate it). If Israel really was intentionally cutting off Gaza's connectivity by shutting down the physical infrastructure, as it's being presented online, eSims would be completely useless. You wouldn't be able to activate them, and you wouldn't have a signal that allowed you to use them. A campaign that misrepresents the basic facts (as if Israel is intentionally denying Gazans connectivity, or as if eSims can provide connectivity all on their own) is suspect to me.

The other reason why eSims wouldn't be a solution for many (if not most) Gazans, even if you do have connectivity, is that it also requires you to have an eSim compatible smartphone. The 'e' in eSim stands for 'embedded.' That means the technology that allows the use of eSims has to be embedded into the phone you're using, and then you can buy and activate an eSim. If you buy an eSim and wanna use it with a smartphone that doesn't have the required technology embedded, that's a bit like buying a wireless charger to use with an older phone that can only be charged through a cable (it just doesn't have the technology embedded that allows it to connect to and be charged by a wireless charger). The technology allowing the use of eSims has only been embedded in more recent phone models, which Gazans are less likely to have.

Regarding that last point, I wanna explain that, as mentioned in the above Hebrew link, before the war Gaza's mobile networks were all operating on 3G technology, even though most phones now operate on 4G or even 5G technology, which means it wouldn't be worth it for the average Gazan to invest in buying a newer phone, which is presumably more expensive than an older model. Especially if it's one that can't even connect to the older 3G network.

That's not to say there wouldn't be any Gazans with newer phones. The myth spread before the war for years called Gaza a 'concentration camp' or 'open air prison' as if people there have nothing (which makes vids comparing Gaza before and after the war particularly ironic. Either there was nothing before the war, and then the war didn't change much, or Gaza was a beautiful, thriving place before the war, and then calling it a 'concentration camp' was a Holocaust distorting lie). Here's the truth, there were indeed many Gazans who were poor and didn't have that much. But there were also Gazans who were extremely rich, the gap there was one of the biggest in the world. A lot of Israelis are familiar with the Twitter hashtag that documented wealth and luxury in Gaza before the war, TheGazaYouDontSee. It was based on an Arabic speaking Israeli Jewish woman following the social media accounts of actual Gazans, and sharing in English what they would upload, showing stuff like resorts, hotels, luxury cars that most Israelis I know can't afford. You know, typical concentration camp stuff. You'd have to scroll back in the hashtag a bit to find those older tweets from before the war, some have been captured and shared on Tumblr as well.

Where does the gap come from? Not all of it, but a big part is about who is in Hamas (and who isn't), who's affiliated with Hamas (and who's not), who gets some of the donated billions of dollars being poured into Gaza over the years and mostly stolen by Hamas, who gets some of the money coming from Qatar, who gets some of the money coming from Iran, and so on. In other words, the poverty that existed in Gaza before, existed despite how much money was being invested in it for years, and because of Hamas and Hamas-related thieves, making a profit out of it, while keeping sections of the Gazan population poor and without aid.

BTW, if there would have been a permanent ceasefire now, this would just be replicated. The world would donate more money than ever, and Hamas would steal almost all of it, with a big chunk going to the financing of terrorism (building terror tunnels we now know are more extensive than the NYC subway or the London tube, stocking up on rockets, drones, explosives, assault rifles, RPGs and more, which allow Hamas to continue to fight the strongest army in the Middle East and target innocent Israeli civilians for over 5.5 months) and the rest lining up their own pockets, enabling them to lead a VERY nice, comfortable, even luxurious life.

So which Gazans are the most likely to have eSim compatible smartphones? The rich ones, who are in or associated with Hamas.

And that brings me to the question of what's the real purpose of the eSims campaign.

One aspect could be the propaganda value of such a campaign. They're not just repeatedly asking people to donate money for eSims, many posts are asking for it, while insisting on the vilifying lie that Israel is keeping Gaza disconnected on purpose. It's a bit like the boycott campaign. Starbucks is not actually affiliated with Israel or Israeli policy, it doesn't even have any branches in Israel, it tried in the past, but had to close here. So why in the world would it finance anything Israeli? When an Israeli Prime Minister has to decide whether to finish off Hamas, so that hundreds of thousands of Israelis can safely return to their homes in southern Israel, he's not calling a chain of cafes that doesn't even sell anything in this country. The only current sort-of-link to Israel, is that the CEO is Jewish. So if Starbucks is boycotted and takes a financial hit, that has zero influence on Israel or its policies. Why then has Starbucks been targeted? Maybe partly because of the CEO, which is antisemitic. But most likely, it's because Starbucks is an easy to spot brand when pics of celebs are being taken, which allows people to talk about the boycott. And that's the value, it's a PR move, to get it into everyone's head that anyone associated with Israel should be canceled. To repeat it constantly regarding different celebs, until the message gets through, that the biggest monster in this world, and the one state that everyone should be united against, is the Jewish one.

The financial aspect. Again, I'm not a big expert, but I can't really see how, if people are being asked to pay eSim providers directly, this would be done for financial gain. I could be wrong, maybe there is some way to funnel the money to the people in the campaign instead of regular Gazans, but on the surface at least, I'm not sure how (since they're not asking for the receipts, just the activation code). It could still be about financial gain in the sense that the eSims aren't providing connectivity when the physical infrastructure is down, but they mean some Gazans haven't had to pay for their internet for a while. Which ones? Most likely, the ones in or affiliated with Hamas. I personally do not like the idea of terrorists launching a massacre that is the opening shot of a war, relying on all the donations they can steal after the end of the war to make it worth while, and then as a perk getting their internet paid for by strangers.

Then there's the direct value to Hamas, meaning the option that the campaign is meant to directly help Hamas' terrorist activity, or terrorist goals. Meaning, not only are the eSims going to people who are in or have connections to Hamas, the codes are sent to them specifically to aid them with harming Israel.

Why am I considering this option? For one thing, because we know that since the start of the war, Hamas terrorists inside Gaza have been directing terrorist activity outside of it. One example is a Palestinian terrorist squad, which was directed from Gaza, and was thankfully stopped before they managed to carry out the attack they were planning, and here's another similar example, of a terrorist squad made up of 13 Israeli Arabs, and directed from Gaza on how to carry out mass terrorist attacks, stopped thanks to documents the IDF found while operating inside Gaza. An attack that was successfully carried out and was confirmed as directed from Gaza, is the one where terrorists shot to death several people in Jerusalem, during what was supposed to be a truce between Israel and Hamas, during which Israeli hostages would be released (I heard this recently on TV, online I sadly only managed to find a source that these terrorists had a track record of being directed from Gaza). These terrorist directives from Gaza require connectivity, preferably of the type that Israeli security can't track.

And we do know that our forces do track Hamas cellular activity. For example, we've learned that on Oct 6, Israel discovered weird cellular activity in Gaza, where a lot of Hamas terrorists were activating (physical) Israeli SIMs, allowing them to connect to local networks once inside Israel. This led to a discussion of Israeli army seniors in the middle of the night, on whether this is a sign that something's up, but eventually it was concluded that Hamas terrorists have done this before, so the alarm was (unfortunately) not raised, and the massacre wasn't prevented. In other words, it's possible that eSims can help Gazan Hamas terrorists to direct terrorist attacks against Israeli civilians outside Gaza, and it's also possible that, when Hamas is continuously trying to breach the Israeli border, an eSim could help them if they make it into Israel, by not needing to activate an Israeli SIM, detectable by Israeli security. IDK that this is the intent, but for me personally, I would prefer to err on the side of caution, and be sure that I haven't unknowingly donated an eSim, that might have assissted in the murder of an innocent civilian.

I also mentioned directly aiding Hamas' terrorist goals, not just their activity. This terrorist organization dared launch its massacre, despite knowing the Israeli reaction would be fierce (as any country's would be if its citizens would have been so extremely brutalized), because it relied on using regular Gazans as human shields, then showing the world horror pictures, which would get everyone distressed enough, that they would overlook the massacre, and Hamas' vow to repeat it, and focus on demanding an immediate ceasefire, saving Hamas from being destroyed. We know Hamas uses "journalists," and some of these "journalists" are actual terrorists (generally, there's no free press in Gaza thanks to Hamas) and others to broadcast this narrative of horrors (that if successful, would lead to greater horrors). The eSims campaign has mentioned specifically providing connectivity to journalists, which means serving the ability of Hamas to go on inundating the world with images that fit the narrative it needs the world to believe, in order to save itself, and continue carrying out terrorist attacks (or God forbid, massacres).

Here's the relevant citation from the campaign site, which highlights providing Gaza "journalists" with eSims:

I'm not gonna tell anyone what to do with their money, but I'll repeat my personal POV. I do think we're all responsible for the money we donate, and we can't just give it away to causes that will make us feel good about ourselves, without making sure that the money won't end up in the hands of terrorists, and do real harm. The latter is our responsibility, even if we didn't know it will go to terrorists, because we should check and make sure that we know who the money goes to. The first responsibility we all have is, "Do no evil," right? Even the least awful scenario of what might be the driving force behind the campaign, is still one that financially compensates people affiliated with Hamas, and contributes to a false demonization of the Jewish State. But at the end of the day, this is an individual choice, that each person has to make for themselves.

I hope my reply helps! Sorry for the length, and hoping that you are doing well, and taking care of yourself! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[chaisshitposts]

hi love if you don’t mind can you go in more detail about the time you entered the void and manifested your job? what was your mindset like before you entered? what do you think helped you enter? i’m in my 20s as well and really want to at least get my dream job first of all things and then i feel like i could finally relax you know? :( so your help would be greatly appreciated🥹

also i think your followers are really nice and mature so when i do tap in, i wouldn’t mind affirming (everyone who likes my success story and has good intentions will enter roe)

sure! let's see if I can remember as many details as possible— it was a couple days after I had my job interview, I had already been affirmin' my ass off that that job was mine and no one could take it from me— on this particular day, I think it was a Sunday. the lady who interviewed me said I would get my answer on the followin' Wednesday, and god that stressed me out, but I still kept affirmin'. on that day, I felt an extreme sense of drowsiness and so I had went to try and sleep in my bed. I already knew about SATs and whatever so I thought I could just affirm as I go to sleep, which I did. I was 'asleep' but I was still repeating my affirmations over and over, only focusin' on them while I was physically tossing and turning. Since I was tryna sleep, my eyes were already closed and it was silent in my room so ig I just didn't care about my surroundings. I do, however, remember that at some point I was affirmin' and was fully aware of my affirmations but then somethin' changed inside me and I was like 'Its done, nothing more for me to do, I don't wanna stress over this anymore. I can't sleep so, might as well just go back downstairs.' Then I opened my eyes and got up, feeling my stress about everything completely gone.

I went downstairs, right as my ma sat down after gettin' a package off the porch and that's when she gave me my new phone. (I still live with my family, yes, but only bc california is a dirt bag ofc) And I kid ya not, a couple minutes after I opened up the box with my new phone in it, I got a congratulations email from the lady who interviewed me, as well as the offer letter on my old phone. I freaked out afterwards bc I was like, ain't no way??? She said she'd send me somethin' on WEDNESDAY?? It's SUNDAY. I even told my ma and she was excited, then I was like-- I really manifested this??? After an entire year of being unemployed despite havin' my degree, and forcin' myself to work at Amazon and FedEx just to have a lil' change to call my own... I finally scored the job I WANT.

The best advice I could give you tbh is that ya should make robotic affirmin', the list method, and the ten minute method yer best friend. I did not have a good outlook on employment until I settled down and decided to change my thinkin' and god I was still stressed as fuck even when I affirmin'. I've never been good at talkin' to strangers, especially on the phone or on video call, but I affirmed right up until the interview started that the job would be mine no matter what and I was completely calm. Now, I am a step closer to my dream job. (I'm a substitute teacher currently workin' towards my credentials to be a full-time teacher in case ya were wonderin', the company I work for also provides grants to pay for the schooling needed to get credentialed which is such a big fuckin' bonus)

and yes, they definitely all are amazin' people, I never expected to have such a positive lil' community of followers but I am grateful to them, for sure.

bUt, okay, lemme stop ramblin' here's what I wantcha to do anonnie— I want ya to make yerself a list, title it whatever ya want to call the list, and fill that list with affirmations, askformations, statements, new beliefs, whatever ya want. could include anything ya want, details about the job ya want, how much money ya wanna make, how ya want the bosses to treat ya, what kinda work environment ya want, whatever, and then I want ya to include some self-concept affirmations, as well as some affirmations about the void (whatever feels natural for you), ah and some manifestation affirmations too. make it however long or short ya want, doesn't matter. once ya have that, read it over as many times as ya want and then throughout the day, whenever ya can, I want ya to robotically affirm that you've got everything on [name of yer list], say this whenever ya can, and especially when ya start thinkin' negative about whatever you desire or whenever ya feel like you're about spiral. affirm this through everything and anything, affirm if ya can't help but cry, affirm when yer angry, affirm when yer happy, just keep affirmin.'

as long as ya keep this up and correct yer thoughts, you'll have guaranteed movement in yer life, that's the law. even in false hope, whatever is repeated shall harden into fact.

[bbygirl-aemond]

Hey! I Love Stormbreak, you make my Sundays less scary Lol. Keep writing!

I was wondering if you've ever written any original work or if you've ever considered becoming a traditionally published author?

aww thank you so much! always happy to help with the sunday scaries, i get them too and answering comments is an excellent distraction hehe

i have written some original work before, but none of it's published. when i was really young i wrote two novel-length original works. i don't remember them very well, but one was some elf-like fantasy world where the main character was the bastard slave child of an evil king, and the other was a modern setting with vampires and what i know as an adult to be some kind of illegal human trafficking? not like a sex kind, like a "humans are living blood bags" kind. so you can definitely say i've enjoyed whump and fantasy from the beginning?

in more recent years, i've written some short stories (<10k words). there's one about a society that uses happy memories as currency, with a mom giving up a memory of her daughter walking for the first time. there's another about an astronaut who's sent to mars to help terraform it, only to realize she's been tricked and the government is leaving her there to die. my favorite is about a closeted lesbian witch in a salem-esque setting who's driven insane by the ghost of her first love, who was a victim of anti-witch hysteria. so again... heavy on the angst lmao.

right now, i enjoy writing fanfiction because it requires very little actual effort and discipline. it's almost entirely wish fulfillment, and you get to jump in with fully-formed characters, world, and plot, skipping the boring exposition. it's also "safe" because any pressure to create, or criticism, is purely online, so i never feel trapped by it. i think this type of creative writing suits my current situation (sleep-deprived phd student) where i just don't have a ton of time or patience to deal with any of those things.

all that being said- i DO very much plan on spending the majority of my life writing and publishing original works of varying lengths. i'm in a very fortunate financial position where i don't actually have to work a regular job, and the older i get the more i appreciate how privileged that makes me in my ability to actually center my life around creating for creativity's sake- completely divorced from any need to publish by a certain date or appeal to a wide audience in order to make profits. so i only plan on really working up until i turn 30 (which will admittedly still give me 6 years post-phd in the workforce). after that i'll have full reign over how i allocate my free time, and that's when i'll be able to put in the elbow grease required for a longer original work.

...so like a decade from now, check back in and there will probably be some highly dramatic, psychologically intense, at least somewhat magical works hitting the shelves, written by yours truly.

[dollarbin]

The Last of World Party Week:

Love is Best and Rolling Off a Log

I know the week of Karl Wallinger's passing is long past but I can't resist one final, for now anyway, entry. I've played a lot of World Party this month, relishing the music and the fact that my wife doesn't complain when I've got them cranked.

(The later of these benefits is decidedly not in place during a lot of the deep auditory research work needed for this august blog. This weekend I heard several, very reasonable, spousal sighs while the Stills-Young Band did their fairly terrible thing for this week's Shakey Sunday. Turns out that coked up tunes from Stephen Stills about deep sea love making with Jesus as your only witness are not the best basis for marital bliss. I therefore put on a pair of headphones.)

But at 9:15pm on Saturday evening my wife woke me up from a way too early, book in my lap, snooze with a groovy question.

"I want to hear that one World Party song you played lately," she announced as I came back to some form of consciousness and remembered that I had yet to brush my teeth. "I don't really know how it goes. And I don't know the words. I think there's 'love' in the title."

She then hummed something incredibly vague: it could have been a version of Thank You World, or Curse of the Mummy's Tomb, or Bach's 65th Piano Concerto or Raffi's Baby Beluga. My wife had no other hints, theories or guidance to offer. She wanted me to figure it out and play her that song. Now.

Well, I love this kind of thing. Seriously. Ask me out of the blue what Neil Young song rhymes "knees" with "frozen peas" and I will not rest until I've (without any help from google; I can't stand that approach) identified the track (Dirty Old Man), played it through twice and decided, after nearly two decades of loathing, that the song is actually kinda great.

Well, maybe it's not that great after all. But we get to learn about what happens when you drink on the job and then get caught doing something or other with the boss's wife in the parking lot. So that's good information to have. Thank you Neil.

Anyway, it took me three false guesses and ten minutes on Saturday night before I identified the World Party song my wife wanted to hear: Love is Best from the band's fourth, too long and occasionally dull, record Egyptology.

I'm so glad my wife set me the challenge. Love is Best is a fantastic, richly textured dream I'd never fully appreciated.

Until now:

There must be 16 vocal tracks floating through this homemade, yet polished, track. We also get a tiny, perfect bridge, sweet, understated electric guitar and the corny title is given a perfect home in the all-too -sudden ending.

The song also highlights yet another of Wallinger's manifold gifts: his surprising, richly rewarding sequencing. Want an example? Goodbye Jumbo's two timeless pop singles (Way Down Now and Put the Message in the Box) are bridged by the spacious and epic background track When the Rainbow Comes.

Indeed, here's a fitting sister song to Love Is Best: a full twenty seconds pass before the track really begins, allowing us time to savor not just Karl's rats and bleeding in the sewer but also the harmonies that carried us in Way Down Now; and then at the 35 second mark we get a surprise, beautifully bent, second hook. There's just enough happening in the lyrical postman bridge to grab us fully and then the song just glows for another two and a half minutes, fading out with perfect la la las, and leaving us fully prepped for the record's central motif in Message in the Box.

Love is Best serves a similar purpose on Egyptology, setting us up for the record's most ambitious and rewarding song:

Wallinger's approach is so thoughtful here. The Sergeant Pepper strings, the spoken bridge, the balance of falsetto with strength, the muscular but respectful guitar that only arrives a full five minutes in, and the surprise vocal gymnastics that chase us soon after: Rolling Off A Log echoes the complexity of a Disintegration-era Cure track without ever losing its identity as a World Party classic.

So good! I can't wait for my wife to vaguely order up more World Party greatness.

[luckyshotwrites]

@fairlyqualityanon I will admit I have a terrible habit of writing past and present tense in the same piece. I really appreciate you telling me! I will probably go through and edit all the chapters again at a certain point. I think when I hit chapter 60 or so because that's when there's going to get very "wild". (I wish I had a better way to describe it, but any other way I can think of are spoiler heavy).

ALSO, I wanted to make this earlier but now's a perfect time to tell you, I've been reading your comments with the reblogs and I APPRECIATE THE HOCKEY STICKS OUT OF THEM.

To answer your questions for widfali I put the chapters where they are fully/almost fully answered below! (I won't link them since you said you've only read up to chapter 6).

You're reblog questions regarding: Day 1 - Too Good To be True (Sept. 8th, Thursday) part 2

I’m curious how the glamour or w/e works - she doesn’t show but also stretches his shirt? (Explained in Day 22 - Life Festival Day 1 (Oct. 6th, Friday) Part 4).

Does Drake have a favored type of animal blood? If there’s other vamps (or other blood-drinking monsters): Funnily enough, most animals blood taste the same to him, pretty bland. But, he generally tries to drink the of animals that are considered tough to seem tough. lol. The other question is partially answered in: Day 14 - Short End of the Stick (Sept. 25th, Sunday) Part 1, but a full explanation with vampires/other blood drinking monsters won't come up until...30 or later? Maybe earlier? I'll have to see).

Does he have to worry about fridge thieves? He does not, fortunately.

You're reblog questions regarding: Day 2 - Clever (Sept. 9th, Friday)

How not self aware is he? It's talked about at certain times throughout, but it's broken down/explained by Drake in Day 17- Obsession~ (Sept. 30th, Friday) Part 2 (Plus stuff to come later).

Wait, so employment is actually a weird sort of safety net... Huh. Does anyone specifically enforce that? You know, it's never fully explained who specifically enforces it yet, but further on, it will be don't worry. (A few chapters explain crumbs about the safety nets designed for employees. If you need them I can post them too).

Also, even though you can't leave the building, are there rules about hiding in the restroom? YES. So there was a mock chapter I wrote where Lynette did that, but Viola yoinked her out to clean it. No one has hide in the bathroom before so there's no rule against it.

[8cetera]

Track #4: Sunday

(A string of short imagines based on Rafael Barba, inspired by the songs from Jonathan Larson’s Tick, Tick...Boom!) #1. 30/90  #2. Green Green Dress  #3. Johnny Can’t Decide  #4. Sunday  #5. No More #6. Therapy

A tingling sensation on the side of her arm woke her from her sleep, must be an itch, she thought. Without even opening her eyes she reached up to the source to scratch it, only to come in contact with rough fingertips. Not an itch after all. She summoned her eyes to finally open and immediately felt glad afterwards.

There were very few sights she enjoyed more than a bare-chest Rafael underneath her linen sheets. She appreciated the neat comb overs and high-end tailored suits of the unstoppable counselor just as much as the next person, but she would trade it all for this in an instant.

The disheveled hair, the reduced eye bags, the peaceful expression; a sense of pride began to form within her as she realized how lucky she was to bear witness this side of him.

Unable to resist any longer, she caught his fingers in the midst of his light strokes and interlocked her fingers with his. Besides, as ridiculous as it was, she was beginning to feel jealous of the ceiling he was staring at so intently.

“Did I wake you?”

“Yes—” She feigned irritation but couldn’t continue the act for long when she noticed his apologetic expression “But I’m so, so glad you did.”

She shifted closer to him to place a kiss on his throat, earning a soft hum.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Really well…” He said in a daze, before looking down at her with a devious expression, “Until I woke up because I couldn’t feel my arm. Spooning really isn’t what they make it out to be in the movies, you know it’s really-”

She gave him a light jab to the stomach before quickly sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. She pulled the sheets to her chest and narrowed her eyes at him, receiving a deep chuckle in return.

“Are you hungry?”

She wasn’t thinking about food until he said the words, and just as luck would have it her stomach began to grumble. He grinned and reached for his watch on the side table.

“So am I. It’s 9:30. How about we head to the diner for brunch? We haven’t done that in a while.” He moved to lay on his front and traced random patterns on her thighs.

She beamed at his suggestion, and slid out of the bed to change even before she answered.

“Sounds great to me.”

"Let's go somewhere else."

Rafael tugged on her coat, motioning with his hand for them to leave the diner.

"No-no I'm sure we'll get a seat soon."

She was trying to maintain an optimistic tone but it was becoming increasingly difficult after she had been pushed twice by patrons leaving the dinner. Who would have thought that the entire city would have the same idea and decide to have Sunday brunch at exactly this hour.

"But it's so crowded."

"It'll be fine." She assured him, before looping her arm around his.

"Besides, this is the only place that makes the espresso exactly how you like it. Just be patient."

Rafael looked down defeated, knowing that she was right. However, when a group of seven people came barging in as if they weren’t there, he said to himself he couldn't take it anymore and began to drag her closer to the door.

She didn't feel the need to object until she heard, what seemed at the time, two wonderful magic words.

"How many?"

They were seated at the corner of the diner, and right next to them was the entrance to the kitchen. Every time food would come out, the doors would fling open in such a full force that their table shook.

The entire diner was bursting with noise. It was a mixture of loud conversation, toddlers crying, plates and glasses shattering. It annoyed Rafael to no end as he checked his watch for the third time since they sat down. He mumbled to himself, and fidgeted in his seat profusely.

All the while his significant other sat quietly across from him with her hands on her lap, observing in amusement.

He stood up from his seat to try and grab the attention of a waiter passing by.

“Order—”

“Someone will be with you soon.”

He pursed his lips and sighed audibly as he slumped back into his seat.

"Relax, Barba" she teased, "It's only been ten minutes."

He scoffed, "More like twenty—and that's not counting the extra fifteen we waited earlier.”

“Do you even know what you’re having?”

He opened his mouth to say something but paused when he realized the answer to that was indeed, a no.

Rafael lifted one of the menus tucked in between the wall and napkin holder, quickly scanning its contents.

“Not yet, but I bet I can guess what you’re having.”

She couldn’t hide the wide grin forming on her face, and in just mere seconds Rafael’s expression began to match hers.

“Niçoise salad and honey—” “Niçoise salad and honey bread.”

Their laughter was interrupted by their waiter, to Rafael’s relief, arriving to take their order.

He was out of breath as he scrambled to take out his pen and notepad.

“Hey, I’m Jon. What can I get you guys?”

“Can I please get the Niçoi—”

“We’re outta’ lettuce.”

“Oh, that’s fine I’ll just get the honey bre—”

“Outta’ honey bread.”

The slight disappointment apparent on her face combined Jon incessantly tapping his pen on his notepad tested Rafael’s patience deeply.

“Are you just out of everything?”

“Raf—it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. How can they call themselves a diner if—”

She was glad to be quick enough to kick his shin under the table before he could finish his sentence.

“What about just some toast and eggs, sunny-side?”

“That, we can do—and you?”

He turned to Rafael who could only narrow his eyes at him.

“I’ll have the same.”

She shook her head and looked up to Jon, “A Cuban espresso and some orange juice as well, please.”

“Sure thing.”

After Jon left, Rafael’s expression still seemed like he wanted to teach the kid a lesson. She reached her arm out across the table, inviting him to take her hand.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

He gently lifted her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles.

“Nothing, nothing. Just hungry, I guess.”

“How’s the coffee?”

Rafael avoided direct eye-contact and took another sip.

“It’s good, but a bit too sweet today.”

“That’s exactly how you like it. You can be such a bad liar sometimes, Rafael.”

She shook her head and then turned her attention to the middle section of the diner.

“Hey, look.” She pointed towards the green cylindrical stools, “Remember when we first came here, and we made fun of the color of those stools?”

He quickly chewed and swallowed his last bite of toast before answering,

“Yeah, I think they just got them back then and they were this horrible... lime green color? Didn’t match any of the other interiors.”

She nodded and continued to stare at the stools, “Exactly, but look at it now—It seemed to have blended in just fine with the others. Funny, what time does.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

His reply brought her out of her daydream and she proceeded to pick up the last piece of her toast.

“Marry me.”

She felt the piece of bread land on her pants, and then down to the floor right by her shoe as her hand involuntarily let it go.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“I don’t think so.”

Rafael leaned his arms on the table so that he was now closer to her.

“Marry...” He looked straight into her eyes, and it terrified her to admit that she saw absolutely no signs that he joking, “me.”

She wished she hadn’t asked. Hearing him say it slower proved to be a worse scenario. She looked around the room making sure no one was paying attention to them. When her eyes met his again she began to make incoherent sounds, unsure if she should even be trying to speak.

“It’s been six years. Six. Years. You can’t tell me you’re that surprised?”

“Is this about when we had dinner with your mother two weeks ago? When I went on and on about my cousin’s wedding, about how I hated tier cakes—that was between me and your mom, Rafael, and I wasn’t being serious—you-you really shouldn’t have been listening to our—”

“You’re changing the subject.”

She bit her bottom lip nervously and fiddled with the ends of her blouse.

“But to answer your question-” He leaned back and crossed his arms, “No, it wasn’t because of dinner. I’ve been wanting to do this for awhile.”

Her head perked up as she was genuinely surprised.

“Thought I could try being romantic for a change and bring us back here.”

He eyes wandered around the room and the corner of his mouth lifted.

“Where he had our first date.”

“Even though it didn’t go exactly how I had planned… And you deserve a better proposal, I know. I’m sorry I just—I couldn’t wait to ask anymore.”

The two were so engrossed they didn’t even notice that Jon had returned with their bill.

“Here’s… the check.” Jon nervously said as he realized he might have interrupted an important conversation, “Whenever you’re ready.”

Even though she didn’t want to, she tore her eyes away from the pleading green ones opposite her and reached for the tray with the bill.

“Let me get this.”

A few minutes outside proved to be a vast contrast from the atmosphere in the diner. It was a quiet, chilly February afternoon, the only sounds they could hear were the rustling of the leaves as a strong wind began to blow harshly.

Among other things, this was what kept her holding on tight to Rafael as they began to walk back.

“Do you like tier cakes?”

She asked suddenly as she tightened the hold on his arm.

“Hate them.”

“What kind of cake would you like, then?”

He untangled himself from her hold and instead put his hands on each side of her cheeks.

“I really don’t care” He chuckled, “We could have a cheesecake the size of our apartment if that’s what you want. All that matters is—”

“How many guests would we have?”

“None.” He said curtly and her eyes widened, “We’ll do it in City Hall, it’ll be a short distance from work and—”

She sighed and turned around so he was facing her back.

The next minute his arms were around her waist and his lips right by her ear.

“I’m kidding.” He whispered, and kissed her temple.

“I would like it to be small. Your family. Mamá. Friends. Maybe the squad, but we’ll see.”

She laughed, and thought her heart might burst from all the emotions that were running through her. “That’s what I want, too.”

“Really?”

She turned to wrap her arms around his neck, “Yes, really.”

He placed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes before he gathered the strength to ask again.

“Yes?”

She kissed him once, and then two more times, not caring at all that his lips felt cold as ice from the harsh wind.

“Yes.”

She would kiss them over and over again until they weren’t.

[ripspaghet]

bff | 05

↳ series m.list | 00 | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 |

→ pairing: yoongi x reader

→ word count: 4,702

Prologue Summary; Your best friend's boyfriend takes an unhealthy interest in you and just as he shows up something from your past starts to creep up on you again. Could this strange and mysterious man have something to do with it? And should you trust him, or your instincts to run far, far away from him?

→ warnings: angst, swearing, alcohol, mentions of smut, cheating

The very next day the weather finally starts to lighten up. The sun is out with not a cloud in sight, although the air is still chilled. You've become eager to get back to your classes. After having Jimin take care of you a full day, you feel you might murder him. He's been teasing you constantly, trying to feed you like you a helpless baby, and let's just say you didn't really appreciate it. Still, you thank him several times over, promising to make it up to him, which he's sure to take full advantage of.

"Party? This weekend?"

You sigh, kicking a rock as you walk along the corridor, leading to your next class, "Why does it always have to be a party with you? You never even hang out with me when we go. You ditch me for those two idiots of yours."

"As I recall when you first met one of those idiots you called him hot and said you'd-"

"Okay!" Your panicked tone reaches an all-time high, not wishing to recall your first impression of a particular frat boy.

Jimin laughs at you and stops walking just before reaching the lecture hall, "So, you'll go with me?"

"As if I have a choice."

"Great! Tae said he-"

"____? I heard you were really sick." Mina approaches the two of you, her boyfriend not too far behind her, his eyes already fixed on you. Great.

You watch as he comes up closer to Mina, placing his arm around her waist and pulling her into him as his gaze bleeds into yours, "Glad to know you're feeling better, ____." 

His cold voice makes you shift your eyes away immediately, your face turning a shade of red that's starting to become all too familiar.

"Yes, I made her all better. Didn't I, honey?" Jimin leaned down and pressed a kiss to your cheek, which you respond to by pushing him away and slapping him on the chest.

"Don't put your lips anywhere near me."

He frowns and whines as you turn away from him, "Why? That's not what you told me to do yesterday."

"Are you drunk? Stop making stuff up and get to class." You don't bother turning around this time, heading into the lecture hall.

"Yah," You hear Mina slap Jimin, "what did you do to her?"

"Ah! S-stop hitting me! She's been like that since yesterday, it has nothing to do with me!"

The rest of the week carries on relatively fast, as you do nothing but study and go to your classes. Anytime Mina, Jimin, or anybody offers to hang out you decline. You haven't been in the mood and your reasoning was that same indecipherable feeling that still burned in your chest. Your nearest guess was that it had something to do with that damn piano Yoongi made you sit at, last Sunday. Bad memories resurfacing is enough to put anyone in this kind of mood, right? You can't even be bothered with the dozens of missed calls on your phone. You hadn't spoken to him in a year and you weren't about to break that record when simply seeing his name light up your phone filled you with dread.

"You're still coming?" Jimin raised an eyebrow at you, utterly surprised.

"I'm standing in front of you fully dressed and ready for a party and you're asking me if I'm bailing on you or not?"

"It's just, you haven't been in the brightest of moods this week. I thought, maybe you were having second thoughts."

You roll your eyes and push him out of the doorway so you can shut the door behind you and lock it. "Since when do you care if I have second thoughts about a party?"

"Since you don't seem okay," He whispers this time, a genuinely concerned expression dulling his features.

You put your arm around his and try to pull him along only to have him stop you, "I'm fine. Let's go have fun."

"Did someone break your heart, ____?"

You swivel your head back around, "What?"

"I don't know?" He scratched his head, "You seem so different lately. I mean you just said, 'Let's go have fun.' Normally, you hate being dragged to parties. You complain the whole time and ask me to take you home every five seconds."

You laugh and raise an eyebrow at the ridiculous assumption, "So, you think someone has broken my heart, simply because I'm taking your advice to have fun?"

"You-" He's cut off when your phone goes off. You pull it from your purse and quickly reject it.

"Telemarketers." You lie.

Looking at you seriously Jimin sighs, "I'm just worried. I don't want to take you to this party and you get super drunk and do something stupid cause you're sad." 

With a sigh and nod, you speak with an understanding ton, "I appreciate that you worry about me Minie, but I'm fine. I've just been stressed lately because of exams. I want to blow off some steam."

He looks at you hesitantly before nodding, not sure if he should believe you or not.

Jimin really is such a good friend. He genuinely cares so much, even for the smallest of things. But, despite what he thinks, this isn't your first time indulging in a party like this. Back when you were a freshman all you did was go to parties. Which is, for the most part, what made you hate them so much. You always did dumb things and alcohol didn't make your decision-making skills any better. You'd even started a pretty bad reputation for yourself, that you erased through the years of becoming a shut-in.

After arriving at the party Jimin led you to the drinks and the two of you had at least two full cups together before you decided you wanted to dance. The logical part of your brain was screaming to go home before doing something you'd regret, but that stinging feeling in your chest demanded it be fed and you didn't want to feel it anymore. You sure as hell didn't want to hear your anxiety ramping up because of it, so you drank just enough to null the noise.

You pull Jimin towards the dance floor, taking him by surprise, and making his drink sloshing in his cup, "Wait, I-"

"Since when does ____ dance?" A husky voice interrupts the two of you, making you turn your head, "Or know how to have fun for that matter?"

Tall, tanned, and handsome to the point of being downright beautiful, stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching you with an unreadable expression is Taehyung. You have to force your mouth shut to keep from gasping at the sight of him. Any other day, you'd duck your head and run at the sight of him - although, unfortunately for you - you've already consumed a hefty amount of alcohol.

"Whole new ____, right?" Jimin smiled, composing himself before patting your head and, to your surprise, making you jump.

"I'll say," Taehyung looks you up and down, "she's even dressed for the occasion."

"____, how about you go dancing with Taehyung? I promised Kookie I'd be his bodyguard tonight and I can't leave him hanging forever."

You glance up at Jimin then back at Taehyung. Again, under normal circumstances, you never in a million years would agree to dance with Taehyung, knowing damn well where it'd take you. You'd also be curious and confused as to why Jungkook would need a bodyguard, but - for like the billionth time - these weren't normal circumstances and all you did was nod.

"Just don't stay gone all night. You promised you wouldn't ditch me this time." 

Jimin laughs and pats your head endearingly again, "Sure thing, honey."

You reach up and pat Jimin on the cheek, returning the gesture by smiling brightly up at him. His eyes widen, not expecting you to return the teasing gesture, "Have fun, honey," 

"W-who are you?" Jimin's cheeks flush pink, but you only laugh before leaving him. You take Taehyung's arm in yours and he looks down at you with the same stunned expression, "Show me your best moves, Tae."

Excitement quickly replaces his awe and bubbling up in his eyes at this whole new side of you, "Yes, ma'am."

You pull him to the dance floor with you and once there you let your body do the talking as you move rhythmically to the best that vibrates through the house.

Taehyung just froze, his lips parting at the sight of you.

You're unable to contain a giggle at the sight of his dumbfounded expression, "What are you doing? Dance with me." You grab his hands and pull him to you, swaying your hips from side to side. 

Taehyung follows your instructions and begins moving with you, his hand moving to your hip as he leans in closer, "Since when are you not being a buzzkill?"

You pout your bottom lip at his use of words, "I'm not a buzzkill, I just haven't been in the mood up until now."

Taehyung laughs at your whiny response, his eyes falling on your lips, "You know? I never understood it before, but now it all makes sense."

"What does?"

"You and Jimin, I thought the two of you were complete opposites before and it didn't make any sense to me why he follows you around like a lost puppy." You move your hands up to his biceps and rest them on his shoulders. Your eyes urging him to continue, "The two of you are a lot more alike than I thought. You just bury it deep, while Jimin wears it on his sleeve."

You tilt your head, "And what exactly is it that I'm burying?"

"That thing that could get anyone into bed with you any time you want." He leans in, his deep voice sultry.

"Are you saying that only me and Jimin have that? You don't have it?"

"Well, obviously not. Otherwise, I would've had you in bed with me the day we met."

You shake your head and smirk at him. Might as well play along with him. "How do you know that it just doesn't work on me?"

"Tell me," He leaned in closer, "if Jimin were to seriously try fucking you - you wouldn't you be inclined to say yes?"

Your cheeks flush his use of words and the mere idea of them, but you laugh it off as the effects of alcohol starting to kick in, "Even if I were it would never be anything more than that, so I'd turn him down."

Taehyung pulls back, surprised, "Why?"

"Jimin is my best friend and like I said, sleeping with him would never be anything more than sleeping with him. I know that's the case for me, but I don't know if that's the case for Jimin. Whether he says it is or not, I couldn't trust what he says. If he felt differently, he would say whatever I wanted to hear, not the truth."

"Are you implying that he might fall for you? Because I think it's a bit too late for that." He chuckles and this time you roll your eyes.

"Me and Jimin find each other sexually attractive, but there's no romance. It's just friendship. People can easily mistake a great friendship for romance. I mean, even great sex can be misleading."

"So, what's the deal-breaker, huh? What is it that you and Jimin don't have?"

You stare at him for a moment, wondering to yourself why he's so interested in your relationship with Jimin before answering him, "There's no fire. No passion or pull between us."

His eyes flicker at your words, "You're not secretly in love with him and just pulling my leg, right?"

"What?" You burst into laughter, "Why is this so important to you?"

Taehyung's face stays serious as it flickers with something akin to lust, "____, when did you get so alluring? I thought you were an innocent virgin."

You try to bite back your laughter at his ridiculous statement and serious face. Surprisingly, he isn't all that good at flirting. His looks more than made up for what he's lacking though as his eyes have you leaning in closer. You put your lips next to his ear, your excuse being, so you wouldn't have to yell over the music, "I'm only alluring when I wanna allure someone, that doesn't make me a virgin."

"Really?" He put his other hand on the small of your back, "Does that mean you're trying to allure me right now?"

You frown, pulling away from him, "Trying?" 

His eyes turn dark at the loss of contact and he reaches to bring you back to him, but you only move further out of his reach, a smirk pulling up your lips, "If you want me, come and get me, Tae." 

He moves instantly, a smirk playing on his own lips as he follows you through the crowd of sweaty bodies until you're out of it and heading up the stairs of the frat house. You know exactly where you're leading him, but you weren't one to proudly admit you'd done this before. And if you were in your right mind right now you wouldn't be caught dead doing this again, especially with someone like Taehyung. Although, the closer your body gets to him the further the burning in your chest gets. It's fading into the background, just like you want.

You let him catch you at the top of the stairs and he wraps his arms around your waist, "What are you up to? Don't you know where these stairs lead?"

"I'm not sure. You wanna show me around?" You play dumb, preferring Taehyung not have any clue of your past endeavors.

He pushes you against the wall, hands roaming on your sides, "How drunk are you?"

"I've only had two or three drinks." Your breath catches in your throat when he lowers his mouth to your neck. Your hand moves to his hair and you close your eyes, savoring the way his teeth feel as they softly nip at you.

"So, you won't be mad if you wake up naked next to me in the morning?" 

You gasp as his tongue runs up the length of your neck, "I won't."

He hums softly in your ear before picking you up by your thighs, making it so you have to wrap your legs around his waist. He carries you to a nearby room and shuts the door behind him with his foot with - what appears to be - practiced ease. It doesn't bother you all too much though, seeing as you were only doing this to distract yourself, to begin with. You want all emotional baggage to be left at the door, or thrown out a window at this moment. You don't wanna think.

Taehyung drops you down onto the bed in the center of the room and you can't help but giggle as the force of the fall makes you bounce.

"Fuck," He smiles at you infectiously before lunging forward, his hands and lips devouring you, "you could easily make any man fall in love, ____."

A sharp throb stabs through your chest at his words, your smile falling as a distinct pair of dark eyes cross your mind. His hands move down your thighs and squeeze, pulling them apart to settle between them. Too lost in the remembrance of lingering stares and innocent touches, you don't even realize where your imagination has taken you as he presses his thigh against your core, coaxing a desperate moan out of you. Your eyes flutter shut as you let your arousal take over, pale fingertips run along your sides, his dark hair tickling your skin as he marks your neck, and his usual calm and gravelly voice growls as you mewl with desire.

"You sound so pretty." Just then his lips press to yours, his tongue running along your lower lip. 

Yoongi.

"Stop!" You push Taehyung off of you, panicked and breathless.

"What? What's wrong?" Taehyung sits up at the end of the bed on his knees, confused by the sudden rejection.

"I-I'm really sorry about this, but I need to go." You scramble off of the bed, fixing your clothes and hair.

Taehyung's quick to get up and follow after you, "Did I do something?"

"No, I-" You squeeze your eye's shut and shake your head in disbelief. Sure, you've fantasized about people before but never against your own will, let alone about your best friend's fucking boyfriend. "I'm not in the right head-space right now. I-" You pause glancing back at Taehyung, "You didn't do anything wrong."

He places his hand on your waist, "____, don't go. We don't have to do anything. We can just cuddle?"

"I need to go."

"What happened to you last night?! Why are people telling me they saw you going upstairs with Taehyung?! I never saw you for the rest of the night!" You wince pulling your phone away from your ear.

"I know, I'm sorry, okay? Could you stop yelling at me and let me explain?"

"Since when do you wanna fuck Taehyung?! I thought you hated him!"

"Jimin,"

"Alright, fine, let me hear your excuse."

"Last night I just wanted to have fun. It was nothing serious and I don't hate Taehyung. I just don't particularly like him or how he normally treats the girls he messes around with."

"Wha- You just wanted to have fun? Nothing serious? Where is the real ____ and what have you done with her?!" 

You roll your eyes, "I didn't even sleep with him. I walked out before things got that far."

"You walked out?" Jimin pauses, "Wait, why? What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything. I just-" Your eyes shift around your room nervously, "I wasn't as up for it as I thought I was."

He clicks his tongue, "____, the player. Never thought I'd see the day."

"Are we done now? I need to go."

"Go? It's Saturday. Where are you going? Oh, don't tell me you're going to finish the job!?"

"Goodbye, Jimin."

"No! Wait-"

You stand up from your bed after ending the call than walk over to your closet to sift through your clothes. You spend about thirty minutes doing that before groaning in frustration. What are you even doing? Normally, you'd just throw on the first thing you saw and head out the door.

You know what?

That is what you're doing.

You close your eyes and reach into your closet, grabbing the first thing you touch. This is fine, you tell yourself before shrugging off your pajamas and putting on the baggy hoodie with a pair of sweats. You then make your way back to your bed and grab your phone, you're heading to your door when you stop. You pull your hoodie up to your nose, smell it, and sigh before turning back around. It doesn't stink, in fact, it smells good, like freshly done laundry - but something about it annoys you and you refuse to leave with the boring smell.

Once you're finally satisfied you hurry out of your dorm and start in the direction of Yoongi's penthouse. So many factors are yelling at you to turn around and go back home, but you refuse to listen. Your pace even picks up as the tall building comes into view. 

Message from Min Yoongi-8:59am: Why are you so late??

You-9:05am: I'm here

You step out of the elevator, your nerves getting the better of you as you hesitate to knock on the door. You really shouldn't be here. You should be anywhere but here. As you're contemplating just turning around and leaving, the door swings open to reveal a very irritated Yoongi.

His hair is neatly combed through and shorter than when you last saw him, although it still hangs just slightly above his eyes.

"Why the hell are you so late?" His words are blunt, as usual, but that's not what makes you avoid his gaze. It's the images that pop into your head from last night that make you stare at your own two feet in petrifying embarrassment, thinking, maybe he can read your mind if you look at him.

"Sorry, I don't really have an excuse." Your voice comes out small, making it so Yoongi has to lean in to understand you.

He furrows his brow and sniffs the air as he does, then raises an eyebrow at you, "Is that perfume?"

Your eyes dart up to his face and you blink at him several times, "What?"

A smirk pulls up his lips, "Are you wearing perfume?"

"No! Why would I be wearing perfume?" You panic, confused as to how to respond to this.

"I don't know, you tell me?" He leans against his door frame and crosses his arms over his chest smugly. You can't help but let your gaze linger, finding everything he does far too attractive for someone who's supposed to be his girlfriend's best friend. 

You shift your eyes away from him shamefully with a frown and push past him, feeling your cheeks warm-up, "Can we just work on the song now that I'm here?"

Yoongi hums and turns around to face you, shutting the door as he does, "It smells nice. What is it? Vanilla?"

"J-just shut up." You walk away from him towards his couch to sit down before pulling out your laptop. 

"You know?" Yoongi startles you as he leans onto the back of the couch behind you, "You still haven't listened to that part on the piano I've been slaving away on." He speaks in that same condescending tone he used over the phone when you were sick, only this time it doesn't make your blood boil, it makes your stomach turn.

"I never said I wanted you to do that."

"You also never said you didn't, so I did." You feel Yoongi tapping his finger against the couch impatiently, a clear sign he's starting to get annoyed with you.

"Well, go play it." You bark back in a whiny manner, wanting the subject to just go away, "I'll hear it from here."

No, you wouldn't, you planned on covering your ears.

"____," Yoongi says your name firmly and your whole body goes rigid. Your imagination is running off with you again. Of all times, seriously? "stop acting childish. I need you to sing the part while I play, to get a good feel of how it will sound."

You shake your head, actual panic setting in as you finally stand back up, turning to face him, "No, I don't want the piano in the song."

"Why are you just now saying this? I've been working on this all week."

"I-I-" You frantically scour your brain for an alibi, "I just don't wanna!" You cringe at the stupid excuse and watch nervously as Yoongi narrows his eyes at you.

"Are you six years old? Come on," He starts to walk towards the hallway.

"I don't like the piano! Okay?! Can't you just leave it be!" You scream, the sheer terror you felt finally emerging in your voice and shocking Yoongi to a halt. Tears began streaming down your face rapidly. You probably looked ridiculous, crying over a damn piano, an object that couldn't even physically harm you, but you're unable to control your tears.

"____,"

You drop your laptop onto the couch and without saying a word you rush back around the couch and past Yoongi, heading for the door. Hoping he won't follow, you slam the door behind you just to hear it open again a second later. 

"____, stop!" You push the elevator button several times, urgently praying that it gets there soon while you try your best to quell your inner trauma, "We don't have to include the piano. I can find something else."  You stare blankly at the elevator doors, "Hey," He reaches for you, his hand landing on your shoulder. 

You jerk your arm away and when you speak it's barely above a whisper, "Just leave me alone."

He watches you for a moment before hesitantly bringing his hand up to your face, turning you to look at him. You let him wipe your tears before pushing his hand away, "Fine, I'll take the stairs."

He stops you, grabbing your wrist, "Are you seriously angry over a fucking piano? What's next? A harmonica?"

You let out a dry laugh, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Alright," You yank your wrist away from him, "I'm done with this. Don't expect me to show up here anymore." You head ticks to the side before you turn on your heels to take the stairs, "I'd rather fail."

"Yah, ____!" You ignore him, but you can hear him following you just before his hand grabs yours, stopping you in your tracks again, "You-"

Your phone cuts him off, ringing loudly, and filling the thick air around the two of you. You pull your hand out of his, ignoring the way it makes your skin tingle. You reach into your pocket for your phone and reject the call, knowing exactly who it is without looking at the caller ID.

"Who was that?" Yoongi leans toward you, trying to get a peek at your phone, but you push him away by his chest.

"It's none of your business." 

He doesn't respond, his hard eyes just glancing down at the hand that's now against his chest. When Yoongi gets close to you - you can't think properly, so the further the better, but when he lifts his eyes back to yours, you realize that the physical contact is much worse than the lack of space. 

Your face blossoms with color and you quickly try to yank your hand away, recalling where your mind took you last night. Yoongi is quicker though as his fingers wrap around your wrist. You hold your breath, praying that he can't hear how loudly your heart is beating as his eyes bore into yours. All you can do is stare back, unable to move, say, or do anything. It's like he's a magnet and you're metal.

He moves in closer until you can feel his minty breath against your lips and you inhale sharply when his long fingers gently graze against your forearm. Unconsciously, your hand fist his shirt, your eye's still refusing to leave his intense ones as he begins to close the space between you, "Do you want me to stop?"

Your other hand moves up to his shoulder, gripping tightly as if willing yourself to push him away, but it's as if all your strength has left your body and you can't. His hand moves up to your jaw, his thump caressing your flushed skin, and your eyes flutter shut at the feeling. It's nothing like you'd imagined, completely different. He's way more intoxicating.

"If you want me to stop, all you have to do it say so." When his lips move you can almost feel them brush against yours from the close proximity - the space between you disappearing as his lips meet yours and any ounce of logical thought leaves you. You helplessly lean into his warmth and he hums in response. Heat pools in your stomach at the sound and your fingers move through his hair, nails softly grazing against his scalp. It's like the part of you that knows how wrong this is has evaporated. It isn't until his tongue swipes against your bottom lip that you feel yourself fall back to reality.

You pull away from him like you've been burned, noticing the tears brimming in your eyes only after the fact. The longer you look up at Yoongi the more hysterical you become. 

"I-" He stops, his eyes falling on your neck, "Where did those come from?"

"I-I need to leave." You push past him just as the elevator doors open, ignoring the simmering rage you caught in his voice as it made you feel like someone had just tugged on your heart.

"____-"

"You have a girlfriend, Yoongi!" Your second outburst of the day causes him to flinch and pull his hand away from your arm, "I'm leaving."

You want to throw up, bang your head against a wall, and reprimand yourself on how utterly stupid you are all at once. All you really do wis click the button for the first floor though, while avoiding looking back up at Yoongi.

"I'm sorry."

That's the last thing you hear before the doors close and the elevator begins carrying you down.

.

.

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a/n: plz go easy on me this is my first time attempting any form of smut and i had to rewrite it several times cause it made me a lil nervous 😖👉👈

@team-work-made-the-dream-work @seokchella @crackhead1-800 @chogiyeol-utopia @thatchampagnebitch  @jeonchan26

[scarletjedi]

You said that you don't have to choose a Ray in Due South, because both Rays are wonderful for different reasons. Can you talk about those reasons? I love RayV, but I've had a hard time liking Kowalski. There's something about his personality that irritates me.

Sure! 

Remember, that all of this is my opinion, and one that has been shaped and polished by 20 years of fanfic. This is also long, hence it’s under the cut :D

I wanna begin by saying that I loved Ray V first. When I started watching Due South (because I read a .rtf fic names XDS - a crossover between X-Files, Due South, and Star Wars that I came to though Star Wars and read because I knew X-Files and figured I could learn enough about Due South to make it work), the show was playing on TNT in the afternoons, and may have actually been *before* Ray Kowalski made an appearance. 

I watched the first two seasons, I started reading Due South fic alongside Star Wars fic. I discovered Slash, and read a few Ray V/Fraser stories with my Luke/Wedge and Luke/Biggs fic, but at the time I was mostly reading Fraser/Frannie or Fraser/Thatcher. 

I didn’t dislike Fraser/Ray V, but I was young -- young enough that I worried about my parents finding the one slash fic that I dared print out (my dad had the internet, my mom didn’t. So, I’d print out stories on the weekend and read them over the week). 

Then I found out about Ray K and I stopped watching Due South. I was pissed! You can’t just replace one half of the duo! It doesn’t work like that! But, eventually, I came back. I missed Fraser, and figured I’d give Ray K a shot - and I loved him. They knew not to make him try and fill the same niche - and, when they finally met, the clash between them was perfectly done to highlight the different roles they filled. I dived headfirst into Fraser/Ray K fic (partially because I was older and had lost my hesitation around slash fic, and partially because my mom had finally gotten the internet). 

And that, I think, is the crux of the issue. Ray V and Ray K offer Fraser a different relationship because they’re different people and satisfy different needs - thus telling a different story. 

Let’s begin with Ray V. 

When you look at the beginning of the series, Fraser, like the protagonist of any fantasy story, is orphaned (literally, the first scene is Bob Fraser’s death) and alone- he’s the odd duck, the isolated character to facilitate his travel. it’s hard to go off and be a hero when you have responsibilities at home (hence why in Star Wars Luke doesn’t leave Tatooine until Owen and Beru are killed, or why Harry Potter is hated by the Dursleys). With no siblings (yet), and his mother and grandparents dead before the series, Fraser has no family. 

The driving force of the series is thus born, Fraser is looking for the killers of his father - the last of his family (even if he was a terrible father). The family relationships in the show are all very important, and are highlighted in different ways, thus giving us the theme of the Ray V seasons - the importance of family. 

Because, Ray V is *lousy* with family in a way that most Italian-American families are - you don’t always like your family, but you *all* gather for dinner when Ma makes her Sunday Gravy. And, in the *pilot* when he’s known this crazy mountie for less than 12 hours, he invites Ben HOME to his FAMILY for FOOD. (Ben is clearly uncomfortable, and it’s played for comedy, but it’s also heartbreaking. Ben is not used to effusive emotion --or any emotion-- and he is certainly not used to so many people acting like such a family.) Ray, in a sense, adopts Fraser. 

Now, you can say that taking Fraser home could be a “meeting the family” moment, like bringing home a new girlfriend. Ray is defensive of Fraser’s honor when Frannie hits on him, after all. 

But, there’s something about it that smacks more of *family* to me - he brought Ben home to be his *brother* and give Ben the surrogate family he has missed. (hence why Frannie throws herself at him - and also why Fraser keeps turning her down. Textually it’s because she’s his best friend’s sister, but thematically, she’s his new sister as well) 

Further, Ray V doesn’t react with jealousy when Victoria blows into down on her ill wind - he’s proud, and supportive, and then defensive when he realizes how terrible she is for Ben. 

I mean, yeah, Mrs. Fraser does dance with Ray V, but it’s because Ray V is the “safe” option. Now, if you want to say that’s because Ray V and Fraser are lovers? I can see why! It was certainly important in the few fics I have read, and I see it.

I think, ultimately, Ray V as Fraser’s New Family was the intent of the writers, and the writing on this show is *tight*. It makes sense that, with a plot focused on finding what ended your old family, you find new family. 

But then came the brief hiatus, Paul Gross taking over more creative control, and Collum Keith Rennie. PG said in an interview that they’d taking Ray K in a new direction, “very homoerotic, the fans will love it”

And...they did. Ray V’s telephone call - the ache in his voice because he knows that he’s not gonna be able to say goodbye (like Bob) is palpable, and feels almost like a breakup, signaling a shift in tone. This is no longer a show about the search for family - Ben found his family. Even with Ray V off screen, there’s no doubt that Fraser is a Vecchio -- but about finding a *parter* 

There’s red ships and green ships but no ships like partnerships. 

This half of the show gives us not only this line, but highlights the relationship between Buck and Bob (that was began in Ray V’s season), and focuses more than ever on pairing Fraser off (with more female love interests than Victoria, even though none of them pan out) and on Ray K’s divorce. 

Textually, they are two bachelors lonely for love. Thematically, the focus is on romantic parings, not brotherhood. 

“A partnership is like a marriage, son” 

Ray K comes in, and he doesn’t try to be Fraser’s brother. Fraser has a brother, and wouldn’t welcome Ray K to try and fill Ray V’s shoes. They spend an entire episode showing all the way Ray K would never wear Ray V’s shoes (and not just because Ray K wears boots like Steve McQueen and Ray V wears Italian Leather), and also showing us that Ray K *is there for Fraser anyway*, symbolically taking a bullet the way Ray V did. 

(We also see Ray K fall hard for Fraser’s sister in a way that’s dropped, showing the audience, thematically and sub-textually, what they can’t textually because of the censors)

This new Ray, he’s sharp, he’s prickly, he’s “d-u-m, dumb” the way Vecchio was slick, as a way to disarm and play off of the straight forward image of Fraser’s serge. He’s a paradox - a crack shot who wears glasses, a vulnerable tough guy, a romantic punk. He gets under Fraser’s skin in such a way that Fraser begins to relax around him as well. I admit, I have an existing fondness for the tough-guy-with-a-heart-of-gold, and Ray K is that to a T. He’s not perfect (stalking his X, hello), but he tries to be better, and that I appreciate. It makes him a dynamic character. He has a temper, but he flashes quickly and then cools - it’s a good foil to Fraser’s simmering anger. 

Remember, Fraser told Ray V about Victoria, and Ray V was sleeping. 

Fraser tells Ray K about Gerrard. and Muldoon. and Bob. 

Ray K tells Fraser about Stella. and the Bank. and Beth Botrelle. 

The audience gets more of Fraser underneath his serge as a result of his relationship with Ray K - who is, himself, an “orphan” (estranged and living at a distance, his closest “family” is his ex-wife) can connect with Fraser on that level because he gets it in a way that Ray V, who has never not had his family, can’t fully. 

All of this comes to a head in the finale, when the Rays meet, and we see them clash - this is the “bringing the boyfriend home” moment. Ray K, the “boyfriend” meets Ray V, the “brother”, and the Brother wants to know if the boyfriend is good enough. They tense, and then they both go after Fraser because Fraser draws people in his wake like he walked through a line of streamers. 

They go north, and Ray K steps up as Fraser’s parter, taking an interest in the North in a way that Ray V never did (Ray K goes on the quest, Ray V tried to install modern plumbing). An that quest? The closest to “ride off together into the sunset” that I’ve seen outside of Disney. 

Ultimately, Ray V sees Fraser like his family: He doesn’t need to understand him, because he loves him and that’s what families do. 

Ray K sees Fraser like his spouse: What he doesn’t already understand, he tries to because it’s important to Fraser to be understood. 

Both are amazing partners for Fraser to have. Both fill different niches. Both are telling different stories. 

[cefthewordsmith]

The Northern Mountains' Call

Sagada, Mountain Province

Luzon, Philippines

May 18-19, 2019

It seems like time isn't so friendly with us that we feel like we already lost everything of it and forgot to live. Work is getting the life out of us and the only way to survive is to escape, breathe, listen to the call of nature. Everyone deserves a break!

With these in mind, my workmates and I decided to travel north and spent a weekend in the mountains, literally. It took us almost fourteen hours of travel from Manila to Sagada, Mountain Province, leaving Friday night at 8 o'clock. It was not an easy trip though because as soon as we got closer to our destination, we had no choice but to go through the dizzying, unending zigzag road, not to mention those steep slopes we needed to coast on our way up. We knew that we were nearly there when we felt the cold breeze of the mountain air, and the fogs started to cover the place. Finally, we reached our transient house at around 10 o'clock in the morning. We were lucky enough that one of my workmates generously offered his foster parents' place for us to stay in and likewise, we were courteously welcomed by the family.

Our first activity was to trek down to Bomod-ok Falls. We drove our way to the base which was just 15 minutes away from where we stayed, and went down the hill at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. It was an exhausting walk, the trail was not easy, but the view was spectacular that we were encouraged to go further. We crossed Aguid Rice Terraces which was an amazing leveled plantation of rice and various crops cultivated by resident labor, and passed through local villages. The trekking took us two hours before we reached the majestic falls hidden deep in a valley. It was worth seeing the water perfectly flowing down the cliff 200-ft high. We were told that in order for us to be fully welcomed, we must experience the waters of Sagada. Challenge accepted! The stream was so clear that we were able to see the floor beneath, however, the coldness of the water was not something that I expected. It was more than cold, it was really cold! At least I passed the initiation. (fun fact: I took a hot shower after)

Then we had a quick snack before having the next activity. At half past six in the evening, we entered the Lumiang Burial Cave (yes, there were coffins at the entrance of the cave...creepy!), the starting point of the Cave Connection. However, out of seven, only four of us bravely took the challenge with two tour guides who only had a flashlight and an oil lamp as our source of light. It was really dark inside, nothing can't be seen as if you were stuck in the void. But the thing was, the rock formations--the stalactites and stalagmites--were really admirable. Also inside were colonies of bats and luckily, they didn't attack us (well I was just being too paranoid thinking that they would). So we climbed and crawled and slid and jumped and swam and went through holes of the limestone cave before reaching the second one. After more than two crazy hours of adrenaline rush, we finally came out from the mouth of Sumaguing Cave. This thought suddenly hit me: I never imagined myself doing this kind of stuff. As of this writing, caving was the most extreme and dangerous thing I have ever done in my life!

Let's call it a day! The dinner was so good especially that we were so tired from a day full of adventure. The owners of the house served us "etag", pork meat preserved through salting, smoking over a low fire, or sun-drying. It was also said that when the visitors were offered such kind of dish, it meant that they are special because this is an important part of the life of the Igorots (the locals of Sagada) especially in rituals for different occasions. On the other side of the table was "pinikpikan", a soup dish from the Cordillera region made from native chicken beaten to death with a stick prior to cooking, just enough to warm our hungry stomachs. It was a very peaceful night, away from Metro's noise and pollution.

Early in the morning, we planned to go to Kiltepan Peak for panoramic sunrise viewing over surrounding mountains and rice terraces. Above all, we wanted to witness the all-time favorite and top-of-the-list among Sagada's tourist spots, the sea of clouds. Unfortunately, all tours to this place were temporarily prohibited until further notice.

Yet the adventure continued! Just after breakfast we had another series of trekking going to the famous Hanging Coffins in the Echo Valley. Long ago, the dead elders of the Igorot tribe were placed in the coffins in a fetal position with the belief that they should exit the world in the same manner that they entered it. After practicing some rituals, they were then buried by tying or nailing the coffins to the side of cliffs. Odd, but I was so fascinated by how the locals were able to continuously preserve their culture and tradition. Listening to the stories of our tour guide made me more excited about what more does the place has. However, every journey has an end.

After an hour and so, we went downstreet to finally buy souvenirs and pasalubong. I got myself shirts as well as for dad and mum, keychains for selected relatives, and ref magnet as a committed collectible whenever I visit a new place. I tried Sagada's coffee partnered with muscovado sugar and I really appreciated it so I bought a pack of each item, plus a jar of strawberry jam. Then we packed our things and drove back to Manila on a Sunday at around 1 o'clock in the afternoon, approximately travelling for 12 hours.

It's truly a great experience doing something relaxing and de-stressing. I realized that we have all the time to work but we only have a few to spend with ourselves. Investing in one's self is really a thing now in avoiding and at some point, curing both physical and mental health problems. We have the choice of doing whatever we want with our lives, only I hope that we choose nothing but happines. It's never wrong to be happy, and we all deserve it.

Life is worth celebrating--go on adventures, earn new experiences, meet new faces, visit new places, collect memories, and have fun. Travel is lifer! I've come a long way now, but I still and will always look forward to more Carpe Diem and YOLO moments as "Wander Ce".