#also I hate posting stuff at this time but I want to keep up the streak whoops
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Anon is showing their arse. They really do assume that everyone who speaks out about antisemitism is Jewish. All it means is that a person is normal about jews, which anon very much isn't.
"Sure some people have pushed their hate for jewish people to the extreme"
The majority of people either participate or are silent about antisemitism. Silence allows people who participate to continue.
I lot around 7 friends I knew for 10 years due to antisemitism. I watched in real time as they crossed the line from criticism of Israel to antisemitism.
I had my tinder account reported by someone because they asked what my weekend plans were and I mentioned going to shul. Whilst it sucked at the time as I was messaging someone else who I really liked, it's now a funny little story between us as she is now my girlfriend.
I had to stop wearing my magen david for my own safety as I would get harassed every time it was visible in public. I still get harassed but not as often as I have very jewish features.
I was almost attacked at a Cafe by staff when having coffee with a friend from shul as we had talked about jewish stuff and they overheard.
Someone spray painted "free gaza" on the pavement outside my synagogue using a stencil yet there was no other duplicate of that stencil anywhere else in the city. Whilst the spray paint isn't inherently antisemitic, only doing it outside of a synagogue is.
I was harassed by a homeless dude for being jewish when I didn't give him any cash (I don't keep cash on me and usually get people a supermarket voucher instead if we are near one and I have extra money, but everything was closed as it was Christmas day)
And that's only the tip of the iceberg.
I know that statistically, it's not the majority of people in my city who have been antisemitic towards me, but i also know statistically that it's usually only a small percentage of people who harbour a negative opinion who take action.
Plus no one around me has ever done anything to help. when I've experienced antisemitism.
And the sad thing is, NZ isn't the most antisemitic country currently.
Multiple synagogues in Australia have been vandalized, including one which was set on fire.
A 12 year old girl was raped in France because she was jewish.
I honestly could probably find a post word limit if I mentioned every antisemitic event since Oct 7th.
As you can see, none of those things are "speaking out about Israel". It's about hating jews. It's about punishing jews for being loud, proud and visibly Jewish.
We must be ashamed of our jewishness because of Israel's actions. We must hide it and practice it only in private. Which is very reminiscent of the lead up of multiple genocides against jews. Soon being jewish in private will not be enough, we can't be Jewish at all.
And this isn't even touching on how people fail to critique Israel and instead just recycle antisemitic tropes like jews control the world is turned into Israel controls the world. Jews want world domination turns into Israel wanting world domination and starting with the middle east. The famous Nazi octopus with its tentacles wrapped around the globe meant to represent jews controlling the world has had the Israeli flag slapped onto the octopus and rebranded as "not antisemitic just antizionist". And this image has made the rounds in a positive way in multiple huge antizionist circles.
But it's not antisemitic right? It's just criticism of Israel isn't it? Totally no dogwhistle right? Those people who created and spread the image as commentary on the truth totally love jews don't you think?
Because the thing is, you can criticize Israel and not be antisemitic. But too many people fail to do this. Which is where people then call it out.
In the book "Contemporty Left Antisemitism" by David Hirsh, he calls this the Ken Livingstone affect, popularized by the UK labour politician. It's where people are blatantly antisemitic, by failing to criticize the Israeli government and their policies and instead are bigoted to jews, and instead of apologizing when called out, they double down with an antisemitic conspiracy theory. That jews en masse have decided to weaponize our trauma to silence critics of Israel. Which is simply false. That would require some secret jewish organization pulling the strings of all jews - which most can hopefully understand how that is antisemitic.
Anon, you hate jews. Whether or not you want to admit it, you hate us. It cost 0 dollars to unlearn your hatred.
Respectfully, Do you even realise you are not the minority in this situation? Sure, some people have pushed their hate for Jewish people to extreme levels, but just looking at the map, Israel is not the victim here. Innocent civillians in Palestine, including children, are dying slowly every day. As a Jewish person, you should know what it feels like to be discriminated , and sadly this is a case of victim turning abuser with Israel. Have you even tried to analyse the situation critically outside your biases? Can you not see that this "rise in antisemitism" is most of the time people speaking out saying you can't defend what Israel is doing? Sure, even if it isn't "their native territory" is it then justified to fucking wipe them out like a smidge on the map to reclaim it???
I am not Jewish.
The fact that you assume I am is pretty telling, because the utter indifference toward what you so glibly describe as
Sure, some people have pushed their hate for Jewish people to extreme levels
by the non-Jewish vast majority has been terrifying to me. People shrug off attacks all over the world against Jewish civillians just trying to live their lives, or worse they try to justify it as political action or as something the perpetrators just can't help.
Have you even tried to analyse the situation critically outside your biases?
Have you? I'm not the one trying to press a complex and decades (centuries) old, deeply protracted problem into a simple frame of good and evil or "victim and abuser". (Nice, trying to turn the history of antisemitic persecution into a teaching moment that Jewish people just failed to learn from.)
Come back when you can explain to me how hunting Jewish children in Berlin, pelting them with rocks in London, violating them in France or burning their facilities in Australia is helping children survive in Gaza. I'm sure it's going to be riveting, seeing how me sharing (a very few) posts calling out antisemtism already provoked you into going "but Israel!!!!"
Stop trying to pretend away or ignore the very real and terrifying danger people face just for existing as Jews everywhere, and maybe I'll find your humanitarian concern credible or consistent. As it is, I'm seeing a hypocrite coming into my Inbox to complain that I am sullying their feel-good morally pure middle eastern political cause with dirty dirty nuance. For asking them to care about maybe addressing that negligible issue of hatred of Jews being "pushed to extreme levels" (as opposed to the normal and acceptable levels, I presume).
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Lost another friend and need to rant about it. This is gonna be long and all over the place: apologies in advance.
I hate how unfair the world is to us. I hate how all the good leftist principles apply to every minority except us. I hate how the world ensures we see that it treats us differently so we can feel totally isolated (we are) and give up. I hate how we aren't given basic human decency like everyone else. I hate how even as I write this, I fear being misunderstood.
I'm a "Jew of color" and the gentile who I am no longer friends with is POC like me. I had to cut them off because they have more contempt towards me (they also treat me like I'm the representative of all Jews) than white people.
I express my experiences with antisemitism and my sadness about how bad antisemitism is right now? They would tell me I'm insensitive and selfish because Palestine. "Just go outside and you'll be fine" but going outside is how I experience antisemitism. Antisemitism is a real thing, I would say. It's not just a few hate comments on a screen by trolls like Hitlerfan123. We are not safe anywhere and we can't hide. This isn't an exaggeration to trick you like the evil Jew I am. And they would just bring up Palestine again. And again. To shut me down and to shut me out. I would get defensive and they'd tell me that I'm acting like a white person. White tears. White fragility. BUT YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME, I would say. And they'd tell me I'm acting hysterical. That the zionists put me in some delusion where the world is out to get me but I'm actually fine and no one wants to hurt Jews.
"You're acting like a white person who says "we get hate crimed too" whenever a poc talks about their oppression" they said. They made a few comparisons like that. I tried so hard to get them to understand me. To acknowledge our pain.
Don't they know I can feel pain too? I observed how they would constantly post stuff like "minorities must stick together". They would keep an eye on hate crimes for everyone but us and actually listen to their stories. Do they even know how soul crushing that is? To feel so completely alone?
I couldn't even talk about the Holocaust with them. Every time I tried to, they'd have to say "the Holocaust isn't unique and all genocides are connected" at least once. And it's so fucking unfair. Why are we the only ones being told "we're not special"? These "you and your experiences aren't unique" conversations start and stop with us. I would never, ever tell anyone slavery isn't unique because slavery was unique. I would never go up to someone and tell them oh btw the genocide of your people wasn't unique. That's EVIL. And yet it only happens to us. Before anyone misunderstands me, I know right wingers routinely say this to minorities. But the whole bird mocks and belittles us. Regular people go out of their way to remind us "we're not unique or special". I shouldn't have to give a million disclaimers either. Only we are told our genocide isn't special. I honestly wouldn't care if the people who told me that said the same thing about other genocides. But they never do. They'll go on to talk about how unique every other genocide is and then come back to us with "the Holocaust isn't unique". You only ever talk about the Holocaust when it's time to say "everything's connected" and yet you're surprised I call you an antisemite?! If you can't talk about the Holocaust without mentioning other genocides and other minorities, you can't gaslight me into thinking I'm an anti-intersectionality asshole.
And then there's the speaking over us thing. I dumped my ex friends who were all POC/queer/etc for this very reason. I'm on the floor in pain sobbing about antisemitism and you think you know being a Jew more than me. I say something like "hey Zionist can be a slur towards Jews" and you immediately disagree and try to argue with me. "But my other Jewish friend said otherwise so I don't believe you". Or "This random Jew i follow online says otherwise". I have never been so dehumanized.
Can't forget the "weaponization of antisemitism" thing. I hear this all the time now. Who do they think they are? Gentiles have never felt more comfortable. They are afraid to criticize or say anything about other minorities and will even bend for them but with us, it's "Jews cry antisemitism". And as I said to my ex friends, don't be shy. Expand this convo TO EVERYONE YOU PRICKS. Tell POC they weaponize racism. Tell gay people they weaponize homophobia. And they never do. Because anything flies with Jews and Jews alone.
Okay rant over. I hate this world
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She-Ra - What If Catra left the Horde and Adora stayed behind?
Okay so this started out as a reply to an ask @catras-breakup-song got about this question, but it got so long and I've been wanting to make big long ass discussion posts about these various canon adjacent or canon divergent topics anyway.
I will hopefully be making a lot more of these posts if this ends up doing really well.
Anyway, for our first one, we have what if Catra left the Horde and Adora stayed, a very popular AU concept I see going around. Personally, I see a few options for this, none of them are going to be any fun for Adora because well... if Adora stayed in the Horde, she's not going to leave. She was fully into the Horde propaganda and without Catra there... she's going to be so much worse.
Do let me know if you want me to make full fics out of these ideas, since that's kinda partly why I'm making posts like this. Also I might reblog these again in the future if I come up with any more potential options.
Also while the ideas might have some overlap, I'm gonna try my best to make each one have some sort of unique gist going for them.
Option 1 - Catra leaves but Adora stays in the Horde, Adora isn't She-Ra
Catra would finally steel herself to leave the Horde after getting hurt by Shadow Weaver far too many times. She hates that Adora is so dumb and she can't see the Horde isn't right for either of them. It takes all of her mental strength due to Shadow Weaver's abuse but eventually she leaves.
Catra would probably not join the rebellion in this version. Just because she hates the Horde, doesn't mean she's suddenly going to want to take them down. No, she'd probably make her way to the Crimson Waste and do the outlaw stuff there really early.
As for Adora, she'd be hurt by Catra leaving her and with her best friend gone, fully buries herself in being the best Horde soldier she can be and eventually is promoted to Force Captain, a ruthless general of the Horde armies.
Sometime later, Catra, now an outlaw in the Crimson waste, is minding her own business when a squad of Horde tanks move into the town she's currently staying in, with orders from Shadow Weaver to reduce it to rubble so the Horde can mine the area. When Catra sees the commander of the tanks... she sees a familiar blonde now wearing Horde Armour giving orders to her troops.
Option 1.2 - Catra does join the rebellion.
Like in option 1, Catra decides to leave the Horde of her own free will. Shortly after leaving the Fright Zone, Catra speeds through the whispering woods... and bumps into Bow and Glimmer. The two of them capture her, but Catra ends up strangely bonding with the two, Glimmer reminding her a lot of Adora. Catra intially wants to just leave the two, thinking she'll be better off on her own, but Glimmer sees how sad Catra is.
She offers to take her to Brightmoon, at least for a while so she can get back on her feet. Surprised at Glimmer's compassion, Catra agrees and goes with her to Brightmoon. Catra keeps her former Horde identiy to herself for a while, but before she can leave, she hears something from Glimmer about a new, very ruthless Force Captain who recently laid waste to the nearby town of Thaymor. In particular... the Force Captain was a young blonde woman.
Catra offers to go with Glimmer to find this Force Captain before she strikes another civilian town. Glimmer agrees and Catra goes with her and Bow to another town under seige from the Horde... and there, she comes face to face with Adora again.
Option 1.25 Catra becomes She-Ra
Like in the previous one, Catra ends up in the whispering woods... and it's there she discovers the She-Ra sword for herself. But since it won't do anyting for her, it's just a regular sword. She uses it to help save Glimmer and Bow from a rampaging monster in the woods and figures it might come in handy as a personal weapon.
Bow, fascinated by the sword, wants to study it as a peice of First One's tech. However... he finds that no matter what he does, the sword doesn't work and seems to be just a regular old sword, albiet one that's gold and with a silvery-blue blade.
When Adora is promoted to Force Captain, she is ordered to take command of the Horde's advancement towards Brightmoon, laying seige to the nearby towns. After Catra hears that Adora is in command, she comes out to Queen Angella about her time in the Horde and asks to be the one to be sent after Adora, thinking she can maybe reason with her old friend.
Angella agrees and Catra is sent out with Glimmer and Bow to the town Adora is attacking. Catra tries to reason with Adora, thinking she must see what she's been doing is wrong. Adora... doesn't care. Ever since Catra left and broke her heart, she's fully dedicated herself to the Horde cause.
Catra tries to fight Adora with her sword and during the fight, Adora touches the sword... and it starts glowing. Realising that something Adora has done must have activated it, Catra grabs the sword back... and is transformed into She-Ra.
Using her new powers, Catra is able to easily defeat Adora's troops. She has Adora at her mercy, wanting to take her prisoner... but a part of her just can't, a part of her still sees Adora as her friend and lets her go.
Adora growls at Catra, swearing revenge and wanting to claim the power of She-Ra for herself and for the Horde. And thus, Catra decides to use her powers to fight for the Rebellion, realising this is what she should have done from the moment she left.
Option 2 - Catra Leaves the Horde and Adora stays, Adora is She-Ra
One night, Catra tries to leave the Horde, tired of Shadow Weaver's abuse, tired of Adora just taking it. Adora finds her right as she's about to leave and the two get into an arguement. Catra eventually just leaves and Adora chases after her, clinging onto Catra's Horde Skiff.
However, the Skiff crashes in the Whispering Woods and Adora and Catra end up seperated. Adora, desperate to find her friend, searches for her, but to no avail... but she is soon led to a sword glowing in the woods and two rebels named Glimmer and Bow. Unlike in the main timeline, Adora is only focused on Catra, not her visions on the sword and thus, when she becomes She-Ra, she doesn't join the rebellion. Instead, she takes the sword... and her two new rebel prisoners, back to the Fright Zone.
Shortly after leaving the Horde, Catra finds herself in a kingdom named Plumeria. She isn't sure how she ended up there, but it seems like a nice place, even if she knows she probably won't be staying there. That all changes though, when the Horde suddenly attacks Plumeria... and Catra sees the leader of the attack is none other than Adora, now a golden armoured warrior. She also notices a new recruit among her ranks, a Pink-haired princess with some kind of sparkly magic and an dark-skinned Archer with a variety of trick arrows.
The Kingdom's princess, Perfuma, does her best to hold Adora and her troops back, but Adora is easily able to overwhelm Perfuma. Realising she can't just sit back and do nothing, Catra saves Perfuma's life and Catra recognises that Glimmer and Bow are clearly under some kind of mind control, sensing Shadow Weaver's magic aura around them.
Catra takes Perfuma with her, knowing that Plumeria is lost. The two flee their way to Brightmoon, where Queen Angella is reforming the previously disbanded Princess Alliance to counter the threat of She-Ra... as well as her own brainwashed daughter. Catra decides to offer the rebellion her services, somehow feeling in her gut that this is all her fault.
Option 3 - Catra Leaves the Horde and Adora stays, Shadow Weaver mind wipes Adora.
In this scenario, similar to option two, Adora catches Catra before she can leave, but is unable to stop her. In this version though, Adora isn't able to chase after Catra... which gives Shadow Weaver a chance to further embed her manipulative tentacles into Adora. She offers the blonde to take the pain away... and Adora accepts.
In this timeline, Catra has made it to the town of Thaymor, planning on leaving at a later point. However, she is caught off guard when the Horde attacks... and they're led by Adora. Catra tries to reason with Adora... but the blonde doesn't recognise her at all.
Heartbroken, Catra is forced to flee while the Horde lay seige to Thaymor. She is filled with so much guilt, knowing that without her, Shadow Weaver was finally able to take control of Adora, erasing Catra from her mind.
Catra spends the next few weeks and months fleeing from place to place, as Adora leads the Horde to victory after victory. She also discovers the She-Ra sword, which Shadow Weaver is able to corrupt with her magic, turning her into quite the forced to be reckoned with.
While on her travels, Catra hears the Princess Alliance is reforming in Brightmoon, to try and fight against the Horde. She is... tempted to join... but whose to say the Princesses would even trust her, especialyl if they found out that the reason for all of this is her fault.
The Horde lay Seige to Brightmoon and all of the Princesses are captured and made prisoners. However, Adora finds that she isn't satisfied with serving Shadow Weaver, knowing the witch is holding her back.
Catching them off guard, Adora takes out both Shadow Weaver and Hordak and seizes the throne of the Horde for herself... but not before Shadow Weaver uses the last of her magic to horribly wound Adora in an explosion that takes herself out.
Adora survives... but barely alive. Fortunately, by this point Entrapta is in the Horde now, Adora having convinced her during her conquest of Dryl. She begs Entrapta to save and she does, Entrapta even getting Hordak to assist.
Sometime later, Adora is reborn as the cybernetic warrior known as Despara, the last shred of her humanity and who she once was gone. Using her new leadership of the Horde, Despara quickly takes over Etheria and starts making plans to use a ship recovered from the Crimson Waste, as well as the countless slaves the Horde now has from the captured kingdoms to construct a fleet of ships. Hordak mentioned he had a brother... Despara might as well take him out too.
Option 4 - Catra is exiled to Beast Island.
This one's a bit different since it's not technically Catra leaving the Horde of her own free will but I think it's worth exploring nonetheless.
In this universe, Shadow Weaver finally has enough of Catra and decides to exile her to Beast Island. In her mind, it's the perfect place to send an unruly animal like Catra. When this happens doesn't really matter. It could be when Catra is just a kid or when she's around her canon age of eighteen.
When Catra ends up on Beast Island, she is intially hurt and heartbroken, missing Adora constantly. Thus, she decides she wont give in to what Shadow Weaver wants. She'll survive. As time goes by, Catra manages to survive on the island... and she soon finds she isn't alone.
A sorcecer named Micah is also there and the two strike up a bond, especically when Micah mentions that Shadow Weaver was once his mentor named Light Spinner. Micah also remarks that Catra reminds him a lot of his daughter Glimmer, who he hasn't seen for so many years. She was barely old enough to walk when the Horde captured and exiled him.
Catra and Micah make a promise, to escape Beast Island together, so Catra can find Adora again and take revenge on Shadow Weaver for what she's done to her... and Micah can be with his family again. The two of them form a plan, to use some of the discarded tech on Beast Island, as well as Micah's magic, to build a raft.
They are soon successful and manage to escape from Beast Island, however, their raft is caught in a storm... fortuantely for them, they are discovered by a sailor named Sea Hawk who gladly and proudly takes them to Salineas, hoping they can make their way to Micah's kingdom of Brightmoon from there.
However, upon making their way to Salineas, Princess Mermista is informed of terrible news. Brightmoon has fallen to the Horde and Queen Angella and her daughter have been captured. Before Catra can do anything... Salineas is then attacked by a Horde fleet... commanded by Adora.
Catra sees Adora and rushes onto the Horde flagship. Adora... is shocked to see Catra again. She had thought Catra had died on Beast Island years ago, Shadow Weaver having not erased her memory like in the previous version since well... she felt no need to. Catra was dealt with in her eyes.
However, as much as she is happy to see Catra... Adora has fully embraced her duty to the Horde. For Catra, her already weird adventure just got a lot more complicated.
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And that's the options I have so far! Again, do let me know if you want me to do more of these and if you wanna see these as fics at some point. Hope you enjoy my ideas!
#catradora#spop#she-ra#catra#adora#starfics#She-Ra What If#random post#glimmer#bow#shadow weaver#fic ideas
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Okay attempt number 2 at posting why I personally think Galinda Upland is a high masking AuDHD person after I saw a post pegging Elphaba as Autisitic and Galinda as ADHD:
See under the cut
1. She’s very clearly high energy/hyperactive, always busy, never stops talking, the way she talks it seems like that’s how her brain works, just running and running constantly.
2. She speaks what’s on her mind without thinking about how what she says may affect those around her. “You’re green!” It very much gives me “If you’re from Africa why are you white?” From Mean Girls vibes. (And yes, I do think Karen Smith is autistic too lol)
3. She has 2 special interests: being Popular and sorcery. I mean, aside from just being a huge gay flamingo mating dance, Popular also feels like a giant infodumping session of Galinda onto Elphie. She’s sharing all the knowledge she has on one of her favorite topics. The works she puts in to following her hearts desire to be a sorceress, saying how it’s her hearts desire. She would do anything to be able to do magic and I personally think she has the knowledge behind it, even if she doesn’t have the magic ability in her in the way Madame Morrible is looking for. She recognizes that Elphaba was the one who did the magic in the courtyard at Shiz and she begs Elphaba to share how she did it, even though she claims to loathe her. She thinks Elphaba knows something about her special interest that she doesn’t so she MUST find out!
4. I know the suitcases and trunks all her stuff is in is partially because of the lack of closet space in the dorm room but while it seems like everything has its place, drawers are labeled, etc… it’s still very cluttered. She just has SO. MUCH. STUFF. A little bit of hoarding. She cannot bear to get rid of anything because what if she needs it one day?! (I.E. the hat her grandmother made her!)
5. Speaking of the hat. I don’t think she actually hates it. It may not be her style, but her grandma made it for her! When Pfannee pulled the hat out and he and ShenShen started hating on it and Galinda turned around, it took her a moment to read her friend’s tones. You can see for a second her expression looks neutral but contemplative when she’s looking at Pfannee before it changes and she starts to hate on the hat. She had to take a second to read and process her friend’s tone before she responded so she could have the correct reaction her friends were expecting from her.
6. The ‘toss toss’ and ‘leg’ things are both stims. You cannot change my mind.
7. Why is she so high masking? Because her momsie and popsicle conditioned her to hide any trait of hers that could seen as “undesirable” or “unladylike”. She’s Galinda Upland of the Upper Uplands after all! She has a reputation to live up to!
8. After the Ozdust Ballroom night when she and Elphie become friends, she quickly becomes attached to her. Elphie becomes her “safe person” and she develops an attachment to her that I see frequently in neurodiverse people. She always wants to be around her and she is always holding her hand and touching her because she’s so comfortable with Elphaba. She finally has someone she can unmask around.
9. Speaking of Elphie…. Galinda shows some HEAVY Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria in the deleted scene “Elphaba’s Promise”. She is sad and hurt, not that Elphie and Fiyero were doing something without her, but that Elphie “chose” Fiyero to help her rescue the cub, not Galinda. “If you needed someone, you could’ve picked me!” Breaks my heart every time!
10. She seems to have a little bit of rigid thinking when it comes to Dr. Dillamond not being able to pronounce her name. She seems to think if she just keeps repeating the correct way to say it, he’ll eventually get it and not understanding that he’s physically not capable of pronouncing her name correctly because of his lack of upper front teeth, even when it’s explained to her.
11. This last one is very much a stretch (pun not originally intended this time lol) but I’m putting it in too, hypermobility issues are a very high comorbidity with autism and when she’s dancing around during Popular she does a high kick. Could it just be athleticism? Maybe. Could it be a hypermobility thing? Also maybe.
#wicked#wicked 2024#elphaba thropp#ariana grande#galinda upland#cynthia erivo#gelphie#wicked movie#autism#adhd#AuDHD#these are headcanons but you cannot change my mind
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Emergency Shiny adopts batch!!!
I got a few sparkly guys for you!! I wanted to make more however time and health are quite the demanding wench. As always my rules are below and I take payment through p@yp@l. Please DM if interested! I will also be opening my Mini Icons (+5) and Regular Icons(+15) again for these adopts too!! The money for these will help with my phone bill and gas to see my surgeon tomorrow!
HallowKitty(20): OPEN
Lunarbunny(20): SOLD
Pearlescent fishy(25): SOLD
Stained Glass Dragon(25): SOLD
BY PURCHASING MY ADOPTS, YOU ARE AGREEING TO THE FOLLOWING.
You must Credit me for the design
You may NOT edit my original work in any form or way.
You may change the design and species after you've bought the design, but must keep the design recognizable and Still leave me credit.
Gender and bloodcolor is ultimately up to the buyer.
You may not repost the original artwork to deviantart, instagram, or other social media/portfolio sites.
You can however store it in your deviantart sta.sh, post it to tumblr profiles, or upload it to websites like toyhou.se with proper credit. (Lil-Nort)
IF THE ADOPT IS POC DO NOT CHANGE THAT DETAIL
You may NOT resell, gifting is fine. Do inform me of who it has been gifted to so I may keep track for my ownership chart.
I can hold for 3 days max
Any future commissions of adopts brought from me will have discount.
DO NOT USE THE ADOPTS FOR GROSS STUFF ( hate messages, racism, N/FTS etc etc use common sense)
ADOPTS WILL NOT BE USED FOR COMMERCIAL USE. (you can however buy commercial use license)
ABSOLUTELY NO USE OF AI WITH ANY OF MY WORKS
Message me the word Clown so I know you read the rules!
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been sitting at my desk for 3 hours just trying to decide if it would be better to draw or to write on the totk rant document, not doing either
#ganondoodles talks#i hate that decision paralysis thing#way too many times did i waste an hour stressing over what would be more logical to eat for dinner#and many hours spent like this#and almost breakdowns in situations for which you need to decide quickly#also any drawing i tried was like trying to sketch sth just for people and not what i want to do#so it wont go beyond like .. a basic figure i lose interest in drawing within 10 minutes#i dont want to make another poll bc i do that so much and also ... never realyl follow up on what wins#(sorry)#reason why i am putting off writing the rant is bc i keep thinking i need to wait for the book to have the full scope first#and for drawing i seem to only be able to paint a little here and there on the comic#which will take a while .... so nothing to post#(and then theres the thought of wanting to post stuff but having no energy to draw it)#(like i kinda feel like i need to draw more of my totk rewrite concepts ... bc if i do make a video i should have as much as possible)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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“Blah blah blah I want marvelous to change things up little! Blah blah I don’t want them to go back to what it used to be. Blah blah sdv was made by one person and I put in more hours into that game than I did with rune factory 4 and story of seasons ever did!”
Good, go play that game instead of whining about sos/rf games not being like it on the fucking sos/hm/rf forum for the 100th time. Not everyone likes that game (I hated every single thing about sdv) and wants sos/rf to be exactly like that game.
I know I say this many times before but I will say it again. Sos: poot did change everything up and guess what? Everyone in the community hated that game. So much that they are worried that the next game is just like it. The last thing this company needs is to further alienate their audience by taking out and changing things that made them love the franchise.
#mine#anti sdv#anti sdv stans#I am so fucking sick of them talking about this fucking game on fourms all the time#and saying how the sos and rune factory games suck in comparison and need to catch up#like shut up#go play that fucking game or go whine about it in the forums for that game!#you got exactly what you wanted in poot which I found to be as boring as sdv#and everyone hated it#look I wish the games would do what they did before and change things up#and keep the stuff that people like but this sdv whining by it’s Stans in sos forums are so annoying#maybe because I got burned by them and I played that stupid game because they won’t shut up about it in the forums#and was so disappointed and angry that I wasted my time on this game#they are like mcu stans and I know they will never be happy with the product no matter what they do#like just go play sdv and shut the fuck up already#instead of saying how that clunky bland game is so much better than this game on that game’s forum!#rant post#damn I’m so annoyed and mad#if you actually read through these tags then congrats#also I know if I talk shit about that game on there the stans would whine that it’s made by one guy#like that isn’t a huge flaw with that game itself#story of seasons#rune factory#harvest Moon#before the split#bokumono
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Mini Batb: OTH lore dump + doodle :]
So, in Other Than Human Lumiere is both the maitre d' & Princess Eve's ballet teacher- [In-depth explanation/story bit under the cut]. Maestro Forte gets involved via playing the music to be danced to when he can (sometimes there's other people, other instruments- the ballet practices kind of evolved/ get worked out to be these mutually Beneficial practice times)(kinda cool) But Forte is the one who gets most involved with it, and That is the beginning of Lumiere & Forte's.. very strained (questionably) amicable... acquaintanceship...
[I know, I know- Forte's expression isn't giving what it's supposed to... this kind of overall isn't giving what I wanted it to but I'm not. fixing it today so. sorry lads hgjdgk]
[I vaguely refferenced an art piece of ballet dancers from the rococco era for Lumiere's fit and.. mmm . hmm. hrm.]
the way Lumiere became Eve's ballet teacher went something along the lines of this:
little Eve has suddenly become Very Insistent that she MUST learn Ballet ASAP. In fact, she demands she must start lessons Tomorrow at the Latest. Thing is, they don't exactly have a qualified ballet teacher just.. on hand. The princess has expected lessons in ballroom dancing and whatnot but Ballet isn't exactly among that repertoire. And the hiring process is a very thorough one, which especially cannot be properly completed by tomorrow morning starting on short notice this very afternoon (This is the staffing of a Castle, after all- and Cogsworth is a man very dedicated to his job).
Eve doesn't take no, Cogsworth doesn't sacrifice quality- there's a bit of a stalemate. luckily Eve has never learned to be subtle about anything in her entire life and is very, very loud with her displeasure. Usually that's not a postive, but here it's what allows Lumiere to take notice and inquire on what's got their petite Evie so worked up today- and thus learn of the situation.
L: "Well- I could teach her."
C: "...you know ballet?"
L: "Well, I'd sure hope so- I spent my teen years as a professional ballerina."
C: "And what of your duties as Maitre d'?"
L: "Ah, mon ami- you worry too much~ It's only temporary, non? For until you find an actual teacher to hire" (Implied: or until Eve loses interest)
The plan was that Lumiere would serve as Eve's dance teacher temporarily as a perfect solution to satisfy the princess while giving Cogsworth time to be his meticulous self with finding someone who could do it full time- (should this be more than a passing whim of the girls') Of course, that's not how it goes- Time passes, more pressing matters occur for the majordomo, Lumiere has little troubles operating all her duties, Eve & Lumiere work out a good system for them- yippee!
Now lets talk about Forte's Role in all of this:
Forte is our favorite internal Bad Influence. Somewhere on here I've discussed before how a lot of Eve's views were shaped by forces & people that are outside our main servant cast. Forte would be one of those forces and likely the Most consistent.
Forte is the type of guy who thinks "I am more skilled than you, and thus I am Above you." He desires power, and renown, and respect, and not to deal or do things he considers beneath him.
Perhaps the only reason he so easily complies with the whole ballet situation is because the songs are classic, respected things. And often times, he can play what he desires instead- times more focused on the art of creating & matching choreography to the music. That, and it's for the princess.
He is, in a sense, a perfectionist in nature- at the very least, he is one when it comes to criticizing others.
Eve included- although he frames it as something friendlier, as "advice". And Forte's opinions are very much- All the things that feed into all the toxic ideals, behaviors, & issues that ballet has a history of! The pursuit of perfection, perfection down to the bones, perfection that Breaks people.
All the ideas that Lumiere is being SO CAREFUL to keep Eve from falling into- because she's seen what that's done to people. and the princess, with all her flaws, has become like a little sister to her- and even if she wasn't, Still!- but the slope is a subtle one in its beginning seeds, hard to detect if you're unfamiliar- and so Lumiere can't do much to call Forte out on it. Because nothing he says is Blatant enough to do so.
So Lumiere just has to try and counteract it, and hope that either Eve takes her word over Fortes- or Lumiere will notice if things go south.
Except- well, Lumiere is also the maitre d', so she can get busy- and, well, she doesn't really need to be there if Eve is Just Practicing- and.. well, often Forte is there as well, without Lumiere there to respond- and..... Eve can be surprisingly sneaky for certain things.
It is a battle lost and proven to be when the Enchantress makes her entrance, and Eve can hide nothing as The Beast.
There is an undercurrent of guilt, in Eve's mind when she'd blatantly disregard Lumiere's words.
There is an inescapable guilt, in Lumiere's mind when she's realized how she's failed the girl.
[This post feels messy overall so if there's any bits that are hard to read/you don't understand let me know & I'll try to explain/fix them<33]
#sorry that got angsty near the end but like#I mean can you really say it was unexpected??#I need to stop looking at the art I hate each time i look again#but I REFUSE to be perfectionist with it..#Maestro Forte's wig was trying to kill me initially mayn#I keep failing to give Lumiere her fake lil make-up mustache...#her og concept stuff/her vibes are supposed to be like. at least kinda Drag King-y and I keep FAILING her girl I'm so sorry..#This is such a messy post in general..#Trying to include things I want ppl to read in the Actual Post instead of just tag rambling but I worry that's the Problem here...#gem stop yapping in ur tags#batb: Other Than Human#batb: OTH#batb: OTH Lumiere#Princess Eve#batb: OTH Princess Eve#forte is.. not that different from cannon?? but also my memory is bad so#play it safe#batb: OTH Maestro Forte#batb: OTH Cogsworth#since he's mentioned#doodlez#Lore#ramblez brambles#batb#beauty and the beast
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man.
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#gonna say I'm venting a bit (kinda of a lot)#but I may seem selfish from this and let me say now ik everyone was putting themselves first (which is a very good thing)#but having three mutuals deactivate their accounts within I think two months or so??#I rlly don't like to be negative and I might also take a break from Tumblr (as much as I love posting here#so I'm still unsure if I'll even stick to that) bc of how negative I've been lately#I just don't want to keep venting and putting that on everyone so#but yeah I just. It makes me sad to see old/new mutuals go#I never thought I'd have to like#witness it#Idk#I've cried over losing them all and it feels rlly silly but I mean idk#I (try to — my feelings with crying are iffy and I hate admitting I do cry) not cry over everything but I just can't word stuff rn#might be posting less/not posting at all for the next few days or so#I'm gonna be busy in July anyways so it's probably better to just say that now#sorry guys I'm just dealing with some stuff mentally lately (an example being gender dysphoria but I can't even word the stuff going on#not to sound like I'm overexaggerating bc I rlly don't wanna seem like I am. It's nothing too serious so don't#be worried at all pls I'm ok enough I won't just disappear)#I just wish I could have alone time in my room with my cats without my family bugging me for a few days#It's tiring atp#I wanna lock myself up just to recooperate and figure out how to deal with certain things the best I can#anyways yap fest over I'm gonna go play wuwa and build Jinshi more#sorry for venting again 🫡🫡
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siblings and secrets (Stranger Swap)
For GT July - Secret
I live on the west coast! I have 15 minutes left of day three!!
Hollow secretly checks in on his outcast younger sibling when he has the chance and finds out Val has been keeping a much more dangerous, exotic secret from the local borrower colony. Word Count: ~1800 content warning for fear and hand stabbing, I guess. Stranger Swap main post
Hollow snuck along the attic rafters to the far east end of the apartment complex. Whenever he was supposed to go out and meet with traders, he got up early to run this errand first. He didn’t think anyone had ever noticed. Val certainly hadn’t, even though it was Val that he was checking on.
He dropped down and followed a pipe to the cavity overhanging the kitchen. It was a comfortably cramped space, kept at a good temperature by an overhead duct and had easy access to both a water pipe and the most important space in the inner apartment. Some day he or Chai or someone was going to have to talk to Val about installing real security, but for today he just took advantage of how easy it was to get into the loft.
He slowed as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. Val had left an electric tea light flickering on the table. A cap full of crushed mint gave a pleasant smell to an otherwise musty space. The pantry shelves were satisfactory, though the contents were bland. No perishables, nothing too fresh, and not particularly balanced, but Hollow wasn’t concerned with any of that. He wasn’t trying to ensure his sibling was living in luxury, he just wanted to make sure the runt was keeping themself alive.
In the next room over, Hollow had expected to find his sibling curled up in the corner, given the early evening hour but the bed was empty. His hackles rose as he swept through the loft more carefully, checking every nook a nervous borrower might choose to curl up in. He found Val’s bag slung over a cork stool and a knotted harness hanging on the wall, but no Val.
He tried to convince himself that it was nothing to worry about. Val didn’t need to be home, they were free to live life on their own weird, daytime schedule if they wanted. But Hollow had a gut feeling that he couldn’t ignore, that something was wrong. It had been just a few months since Val had said they’d been discovered, hadn’t it? Those tenants had left, but what if it had happened again? Or worse.
Hollow followed a stapled ladder down into the apartment and squeezed through a hole carved into the back of the cupboard. The sounds of the apartment grew less muffled and he paused. Someone was home, he could hear them chattering and moving around. They weren’t close, but they were here. It would be smart to simply come back later once the lights were off. But he was already here on the wrong side of the complex, and he had other plans for the night that he couldn’t put off without someone asking what he was up to. And he’d gone dumber places to do dumber things, really.
He picked a careful path through the cupboard. It was such a tightly-packed mess that it was difficult to maneuver through, even at Hollow’s size. He wove around haphazardly balanced packages towards the door panel and forcefully shoved his shoulder against it to get the latch to disengage.
He froze as the conversation in the apartment picked up again. The voices were still distorted, but they were much louder. A large shadow passed over the thin line of light where he’d cracked the cupboard open and Hollow drew back. How had he missed the footsteps drawing so close?
“Seriously, it’s not that hard, I promise. Kids do it, you’ll be fine” a woman said.
“You bought a fire extinguisher after last time.”
Hollow’s stomach sank. That was Val. He didn’t know what they were talking about, but that was Val’s voice. They didn’t sound afraid or hurt, at least, but that only mattered so much. Too much of anything was dangerous. And humans were too much of everything. Even their kindness could smother and crush.
Not to mention that the colony would probably kick them out of the complex if they found out Val was breaking the main rules again.
The woman with Val laughed.
“I should’ve had one before! But besides, this is basically just boiling water, you can’t mess it up. It’s barely even cooking,” the woman said.
“You said that about the eggs.”
“And now I’ve had second thoughts about how much you’ve never had to know, and came up with something easier.”
A set of fingers dug behind the door just below and Hollow staggered back into the mess of the cupboard. He dove into an empty space as light flooded into the compartment. In his rush, he tripped over a bag of chocolate chips, sending a box overhead teetering and crashing into the newly opened space where the human stood.
Val grunted and Hollow automatically leaned forward with concern. It wasn’t enough to get himself seen, but thought he could steal a look at the tenant and what the human might be doing with his sister. At first, all he saw was a downturned head of curls.
“Sorry! I keep meaning to clean that out, especially since…well, you,” the woman said.
“It’s fine,” Val sighed.
The face tilted back up to scan the cupboard and Hollow jerked backwards in horror. It wasn’t just the idea of being discovered, he was still sure that he hadn’t been seen. It was…His thoughts kept shattering before they could finish the very impossible thought.
He knew that face. He recognized it. Or, flashes of it, because it refused to add it up to a whole. The dark curls, the angle of their jaw, the tawny skin, the unusual golden eyes. Their mothers’ nose, the same shape as Hollow’s own.
As he edged further into the shadows, his elbow rubbed against the same bag he’d tripped over a few seconds ago. The rustling sound was soft, barely noticeable. Those golden eyes flicked right towards it. Right towards Hollow. His heart skipped a beat as they focused on him and flashed with recognition, then shock. The two stared at each other without moving for several long seconds.
“Hollow?” whispered the thing that looked like Val.
This wasn’t happening, this wasn’t possible.
This wasn’t worth getting caught over.
Whatever had actually happened to Val, whatever this thing was, Hollow would deal with it at another time. He bolted and if something wasn’t between him and his escape, he didn’t care to think about it. He went much quicker now that he didn’t care about knocking things over or making noise.
“Wait!”
Humans’ speed was always surprising, given their size, and Hollow could swear that this thing was even faster. They hopped onto the counter for better reach. Massive shadows danced overhead as they tore apart the contents of the cupboard.
“Woah, hey! What’s hollow? What are you doing?” asked the woman he’d heard earlier.
“There’s someone in there,” they answered as they dragged away a plastic bin that had been just in front of Hollow.
Hollow stopped suddenly, his stomach twisting with dread. They weren’t ripping away pieces of cover at random. They knew where Hollow was going. They knew more about how to get back into the walls of this unit better than Hollow did and they had a good headstart getting to them.
“Hollow, I won’t hurt you. It’s just me,” Val said softly.
They could hardly be just anything if they had figured out how to turn themself into a human, let alone just Val. He didn’t want to know what someone would have to do to become such a monster.
“You know them?” the woman asked.
“We’re siblings,” Val said.
There was a pause.
“They live here too?” the woman asked, sounding guarded.
“Not here-here, no, but closeby. I don’t know what he’s doing here,” Val said. “Hollow, could you please at least answer me? Can we talk?”
Several seconds passed. Hollow felt his throat drying out and swelling shut, he couldn’t imagine what he was supposed to say. The two weren’t close anymore. He didn’t know how he was supposed to reconcile his memory and mental image of timid, fawning Val with the giant standing in the apartment. He grit his teeth and tensed to try and keep himself from trembling.
“Hey, I’m sorry,” Val said.
Too late, Hollow realized that it was a warning.
His stomach lurched as Val’s fingers wrapped around the box behind him. He panicked at the idea of being exposed, at being grabbed again, and rammed the blade of his prosthetic into the nearest finger.
“Ow! I’m not grabbing you, shithead, just the—you don’t have to stab me!” they snapped.
They flinched backwards, yanking Hollow off the stable floor of the shelf before he could manage to free his blade. He smacked against the side of the box as Val knocked it over. He landed against a paper bag that showered him in a cloud of sugar for a few dazed seconds. Val—it wasn’t fair—runty Val had just flung them across a cupboard. Reflexively. His chest tightened as he pushed himself back up to run while they were dealing with their hand.
“He stabbed you? Are you okay? Is he okay? Oh my god, you’re bleeding!”
“No kidding!” they hissed.
Hollow risked a glance back. Val pressed on the wound with their other hand, graciously giving him the space he needed to make it to the hole in the wall and escape. Val took a breath and squeezed their eyes shut for a moment to keep their temper down.
“I’m fine,” they said. “And he’s…shit, stop! Hollow!”
There was a long, defenseless moment when Val could’ve easily grabbed him. That crack in the wall was narrow and it took time to squirm through. His heart hammered in anticipation as he fully expected to feel something clamp down around his legs and pull him back into the light. He flopped safely onto unfinished wood. His heart kept racing as half-expected those massive fingers to try to pry their way into the walls.
He didn’t sit around to wait for that to happen and got up to sprint for the ladder. He stopped to catch his breath once he reached the loft and ended up sinking to the floor in tears as he tried to make sense of what just happened. He had just wanted to make sure Val was safe. He wasn't sure how to answer that now.
The wall of the loft shuddered as something on the other side tapped against the drywall. Hollow slithered in the opposite direction.
Of course.
Of course Val knew where their own damn loft was.
“Look, I don’t know what you're doing here, if you're spying on me or... I get it if you don't want to talk with me like this. Just, don’t tell anyone about this. Please,” Val said.
As if anyone would believe me.
#g/t#gtjuly#gtjuly2023#giant/tiny#gt#giant tiny#gt writing#my writing#stranger swap#oc: hollow#oc: val#oc: phoebe#hhhhh I feel way more anxious posting writing I'm not sure about than visual art I'm not sure about#which is wild because art almost always gets put in front of more eyes#also I hate posting stuff at this time but I want to keep up the streak whoops
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#my posts#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#is that enough i think that's enough#yeah that's how its going#everything's been getting worse and I've been feeling very bad but also very pathetic and like complaining almost makes me feel worse but#i can't do anything else about this so like. vent post lmao bc I'm a dumbass#i truly just want to(redacted)but one of those isn't an option and the other i have a drs appointment soon and i don't want to explain that#everything is just. bad. and what isn't i feel like it's getting bad and it's my fault. and I'm probably right.#just. i hate it here#the deserving mentality is truly getting to me and i fucking hate it. it's not logical. I'll still agree with it.#i truly don't deserve the food stuff i can't keep in my life and i deserve the shit that in getting and i can't stop agreeing with that#'oh this classmate wants to have lunch with me on Saturday after working on something! i should cancel before it's too late-#-so i can continue feeling bad for being an apple bc people should hate me bc I'm horrible and don't deserve kindness' like#it's. it's false. it's not logical. and yet#everyone else there's the fucking plexiglass wall and where it wasn't i think it's getting formed and it is my fault probably#i am annoying that one is true#.... I've been making posts like this all day and deleting them bc I'm pathetic also. it's.#... there's a little too much going on lmao#nothing's worth it and i feel like shit and anything i could try to do about it doesn't work and I'm just tired#... in case someone does read this i know it sounds worrying but nothing will happen tbh I'm just a pathetic coward who's sad and tired#and tired of being sad in a way that feels like it's getting worse#I'm not very sure when was the last time i felt. this bad in just. i don't know how to make it stop lmao#also in already annoying so this is all i can do i think lmao#i think I'm seeing now I'm just. being redundant and if i keep this up too much i will delete this. and i should but. i don't think i will#also without saying much this year the one thing™ has been worse than usual and that's not helping either so it truly is just.#that everything is kinda very bad#.... yeah. whatever. it's just.¯\_(ツ)_/¯#... i truly wish killing myself was still an option like when i was a teen bit it's not so i just have to deal with whatever this is#... i hate being aware this is all super illogical bc the logical post of my brain teams up making me feel worse somehow.
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had to lay down. woke up at nearly 7am. got overwhelmed by our sleep schedule once again being fucked because yesterday we actually went to bed at roughly the right time and thought "oh this is great we've fixed it". decided that we're just gonna deal with it and it'll be fine. and then our brain decided that no actually we're gonna have a combination of emotions that's maybe gonna give me another breakdown if I can't figure out how to deal with them but I have no fucking clue what to do with them
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#I fucking hate this. we barely did anything yesterday because we were too fatigued and then slept at a weird time#and we're still too fatigued to do much and we need to do the stuff we'd normally do before bed#and by the time we've done that we'll probably need to nap because we will feel so much worse if we don't#and I don't want to have to try and fit my whole day around trying to fix my sleep schedule but once again what else do I fucking do#and the whole last month has been like this over and over and it's because we got covid in February and have been way more fatigued#so we have to keep laying down and when we do that we just pass the fuck out#also waking up at like 7am (shortly before what should be our bedtime) leads to us feeling really sick#the way we used to feel when we had to get up early for college. like our body can't handle it and makes us feel like shit#and to top it all off the emotional shit I'm dealing with has nothing to do with this and it just another overwhelming thing on top of it#dysphoria and homesickness my fucking beloathed#I just want to be awake at the right time and have a nice stress free day and feel relaxed for once#like we keep trying to take time to relax and set aside time to do something fun and relieve some stress#and we still end up just as stressed and when we decided to spend a whole day just trying to relax we just ended up even more anxious#I'm so fucking tired. just let me sleep at the right time. just let me fucking relax for once in my life
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I am cursed with the burden of liking so many things but not having energy to make art for all the things I like 😭
#i want to make legos art i want to make art for niche video games i want to draw all the cartoons that inspire me#but i cant 😔#i have a hard time making art i think is post worthy quality on a consistent basis </3#legit don't know how ppl can post so much girl i would Die#also im p occupied with school rn so i rlly shouldnt be spending time on non mandatory projects#and making art of stuff thats more niche or not what i have an audience for?? idk theres the risk of it flopping#while i know stuff like that doesnt diminish the value of my work it still stings man. esp when its hard for me to make stuff anyway#its like. why go through the effort if i know ppl wont care yknow#though i have gotten better at just not giving a shit anymore i still will make posts/rb abt stuff that everybody just ignores#but i dont care bc i need to have weird music and videos and images on my blog. I'll die without them. its my lifeblood#hopefully i can channel that energy more into posting abt leas popular things. maybe even original stuff-#lol sike there's basically nothing in the world that will make me confident in posting my ocs lmaooo#sorry i just dont think too highly on my abilities to develop my original content#so i just keep them all to myself to avoid the possibility of showing them to other ppl and they just straight up hate it ajdgfkfjhf#rando thoughtz
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btw. i dont think i'll forget, but Just In Case, i DO have art (nothing crazy) i wanna post for the 16th. but i also have a lot to take care of right before then. so if you dont see it by like 6pm EST please yell at me bc i probably got busy and forgot
#6pm is a fine time bc all my stuff is due at 5pm so it wont be interrupting me. i have a meeting i have to go to at 9pm tho#i could just queue the posts but i might make some last second changes once i get a good look at them#(cant get a good look rn. i am posting on tumblr between writing capstone stuff to keep my sanity up)#i would love to log on and like. reminisce on stuff. but idk if i'll have the time or the energy :/#but i WILL reblog a bunch of old posts on this blog. you've seen them 20 times already but one more wont hurt#kjfhdg i love reblogging old posts#again i'll be busy and exhausted probably so idk when but it Will happen. even if it's at like 11pm#resistance day hehe :]#chat#i have like. one more section to write. but it's so information heavy aaaaaaaugh#im on page 12 (single spaced btw. hell) but i wanted to hit like 14 :( oh well hopefully it wont be a big deal#my draft was also 12 pages... but in my defense. i did choose to write my draft in full sentences for some reason#so i feel like that padded the size out a lot#12 pages is probably fine right-#i feel like the final should be longer than the draft but. man i lined out exactly what i'd be saying in that draft. u get what u see#YOU made the mistake of telling me my draft was fantastic. cant fix perfection amen (i hate this paper)
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This may be the depression speaking + the earliest trauma I've ever gone thru (completely accidental as well), but I think it's kinda pointless to give me gifts. I have clothes that still fit me and are in excellent condition. I have shoes. I have a sizeable movie collection (that tbf I can always add to), and all the books I'd want. I don't paint anymore so it's useless giving me art supplies. And unfortunately even giving me money is hilariously pointless bcus I'm not even gonna spend it on anything, I'm just gonna put it into my savings account and keep living day by day as I do: doing nothing...interesting
#post#how am I this lifeless at fucking 25 dude. holy shit#vent#personal#my hobbies are watching movies. then writing fic. this if I can even squeeze it in between my classes#(sighs) I'd told my mom at the beginning of the semester that I won't be able to go out anymore#she didn't believe me#she's always desperate to get me to go outside to some event or the other n I'd rather just not go bcus well! I don't have any friends#either so it's like. it's just the 2 of us#I like hanging out w her but man walking around n seeing everything doesn't take as long as you'd think#man this is so sad. and pathetic. I should just straight up die#that's another thing today we went to costco n I went to see if this math book I saw like a week or 2 ago was still there n it's not#I wasn't able to find it online either n it sent me into such a pit of despair that like. wow this sucks#I want so many things!!! and I don't ask for any of them bcus; going to my first point!!!; what'd be the fucking point!!!#the hilarious accidental trauma was that I was 2 and wanted a horse book n threw a tantrum about it#n then my mom took me home n sternly yet calmly explained how she couldn't get it for me n would be able to get it at another time#the thing is is that no one around me wants to acknowledge that I'm autistic so this event resulted in me taking it dead serious literally#and my 2 yr old brain understood it to mean 'never ask for anything ever anymore'#I've never thrown a tantrum since but I HAVE swallowed up and repressed every single desire I've had for material things#hmmm is that why I tend to choose experiences sometimes. like trips n stuff. bcus it's not an actual physical thing#was just thinking earlier how my future therapist might find me annoying in that half the work is done in that I keep learning things about#myself a little Too Well#the only therapist I've had up until now was a lady at my uni campus who could only see me for 2 months until she moved to another uni#n she told me. 'your problem is that you're too logical. you're too aware of yourself. you need to allow yourself to feel something'#like!!! don't I know that all too well!!!#hmm is that ALSO perhaps why I'm having more visible meltdowns?#then again I hate crying in front of my parents. it feels like I'm just. man we always joke about me being a spoiled brat bcus I'm an only#child but maaaaaaaaan. it always feels like I never appreciate things n that they Know this n I'm constantly never living up to my#high potential. bcus I'm so spoilt n everything n beneath me somehow#idk man. one day I'll just tell my therapist to follow me on tumblr n analyze me via my tags
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Thinking abt my dupe ocs again, and I'm returning to my cringe fail silly ones who exist solely for me to have fun. Basically one of the colonies is sort of a lil experimental ground dupe wise where most of the dupes get to have some fun critter biology meshed in there, with most of them being fairly stable, but a few of them having a bit of a harder time for some reason or another. Such as having no bones and the most fragile skin known to dupe kind.
#rat rambles#oni posting#this colonies ada is the no bones guy shes mixed with a void bug#she actually is able to function mostly just fine its just that she has to be like super careful all the time#it doesn't help that her insides are mostly just foamy goo so the colony doctor doesn't rly know how to treat her wounds#on the bright side shes extremely light and can jump onto other dupes shoulders for fun#she cant fly tho very sad#even if she was the lightest thing in the world her wings are on the back of her head and arent as flexible as an actual shine bugs wings#she mostly uses them to gesture with like an extra pair of arms#and to paint with since shes also an artist#she's passionate abt her art but shes also super passionate abt being an engineer and a lot of her art ties back to that#mostly because she was printed only abt a month before the pod went offline so after that her fellow dupes became a lot more protective of#her since they felt that if smth went wrong now they wouldnt know how to help her#this frustrates her a Lot especially since prior to this she was mostly left to figure out how to manage this stuff by herself#she ends up tinkering in private when no one is around since she has a lot of ideas and wants to try making them#one of her biggest goals is to find a way to fly or glide without jetpacks since she's convinced she could find a way to#if she can be knocked off her feet by a light breeze then she can totally find a way to stay in the air longer shes sure of it#in the meantime the rest of the critter squad are trying to convince liam to not eat sand because itll just make his sensitive tummy worse#he knows this conceptually but his heart tells him that he ate a meal and started to feel sick so its clearly poisoned and the cook is#sick or trying to poison him and hes going to die if he keeps eating food from the fridge and so he must eat sand#unfortunately this is a fairly common anxiety of his since his stomach rly can only half handle anything ever#I imagine he and ada have a complicated relationship as while they do get along one of them has violent anxiety and the other is fragile as#hell but hates being babied so ada often avoids liam to his dismay
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