#which well i guess thats kind of true since my social life isnt that good. i have no friends to talk too. but like also i need to start

[supahstarrr]

today has been the first day in like days i havent gone to sleep in the afternoon then continuously force myself to sleep throughout the night

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

~

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

~

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

~

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass 

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me! 

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing. 

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh 

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

~

Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well 

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal. 

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active. 

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

~

ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

~~~

Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.

[lovingikesen]

Character Configuration

Hi! I have seen a lot of post with tips to help you writters make better stories and characters, even though i dont write i still find it fun, its just my energy and focus goes for drawing and animating rather than writting, but still on University i have two semester of writting script where we create characters, whole stories from 0 and cool stuff. My boyfriend study to write movies -and any type of visual content- so i have learn a lot from him too.

They teach us a basic way to create characters that we call 'torta de cuatro', i guess that it would be something like cake of four. Its really simple, when you are creating a character you have to think of four aspects of them, these would be:

Their social life: how they interact with others, how is they life after school, job, etc, how they are socially, are they shy? Are they extrovert? They love having an active social life or prefer to be more quiet? Do they make friends easily? Or have just a few. How are they when hanging around with their friends and how they try to make friends, if they do not try to make them, then why? Did they have a friend that traition them? Or what. Things like that.

Their family: how is the family of the character, it has siblings? They get along well? Or they hate each other. Did the mom die? Alright, then why? And how that affect your character? It has daddy issues? Fine, but why? Their parents care about them? Are they overprotective? Or really dont care and only pay attention to their personal issues.

Laboral aspect: do they work? On what? Its happy with that? Or wish to have another job. If thats the case, what job is their dream job? And why that one and why it doesnt have it yet, because cant find it? Because it feels like it will be bad on it? How is the economy of that character? You know, like rich? Has trouble to make it trhough the whole month? Or isnt poor but isnt the best neither? You character doesnt work because is still on high school or in university? Okey, then write about it, how are their grades? Goes to class consistentily? Or it does skip them? And why.

Personal aspect: how they are when they are alone, in they privacy, like they true-self. When they doesnt have to put a mask on their faces to show it to somebody else, how are they.

A good example to analyze would be Helga Pataki, she is really rude when it comes to her social life, really dominating person, a little bit bully with Arnold. Her best -probably only one- friend, the one that goes everywhere with her is Phoebe, but still the rest of the group know how rude she is so they are kind of used to it so they still play with her but ignore it when she start to being annoying.

She has a sister which she doesnt like, and they dont get along for more that her sister try to make her love her, Helga just doesnt like Olga, but why? Because their parents freaking LOVE Olga, and everything that Helga does their parents ignore it because they only have eyes for Olga, the 'perfect daughter'. She almost doesnt see her dad since he is always busy working on the company and he is pretty bad with her mom too, remember when her mom wanted to work but the dad says no because she is a woman and cant work because of that? Her mom has show in some chapters to have problems with alcohol too, depression and keep fighting to keep herself conscious. A pretty disfunctional family.

Helga doesnt work since she is still on school, but we know that she is pretty average when it comes to grades, she isnt exceptionally great and neither the worst. Maybe we could attribute that to the fact that it doesnt matter how well she do something for school Olga definetily made it better? Maybe she is lacking of incentive from her parents? She is just makig trhough it.

Personal aspect! I love Helga when she is alone, she is another person, she is sensitive, she does care of people -particulary Arnold-. So we have this character that is show to the people around her as rude and doesnt care about what happen to the people around, but she does! She cares, especially about Arnold, she always try to help him in the shadows, she worries A LOT for him, i mean, THE GIRL HAS A FUCKING ALTAR FOR ARNOLD WITH A STATUE MADE OF CHEWING GUM, HOW MANY OF THOSE SHE CHEW TO MADE THAT? xD and why she has such devotion for him? Because he was the first to care of her, when they were really tiny and arnold say to her that he liked the pink bow on her hair, the boy made her a sweet compliment and share his umbrella with her while her parents didnt give a fuck about her, so of course she will be happy when a boy with a funny head shape treated her better than her own parents.

Im sorry, my fingers slipped xD but i think you get the point! EVERYTHING on a character has a reason to be, no one is mean or 'evil' just because of reason, they have a reason to be like that. So when you do your cake of four for your character you will have a guide of how your character will react to situations that they are in.

Another thing that helps and its good its to make a backstory since the minute they were born to the exact time where the sory begins. That will help you to create more complete characters since you are writing their whole life. It will help you to think how your character reacts to the different situations that you are putting the poor boy/girl on it. You have a character that its old, wise and powerful? Like Gandalf, Dumbledore, Netero (hunter x hunter)? Great! You have a lot of backstory to write, why and how they become that wise? Probably they went through a lot of things to become that.

Your antagonist that is 'evil'? Snape for example? We all know that he wasnt evil at all and where nothing but a cinnamon roll but the things that happened to him made him take the role of the villain to protect Harry. Meruem? The king of chimera ants? Yes, he is an overpowerful character since his birth, but still there's a reason of why he was born with such power and because of that he saw humans as weaks, fragiles and not worthy until he meets Komugi and have a beautiful arc on his character. Killua? The one that at first people sense him as dangerous since his family history? But we learn inmediatily that he is just a kid trying to enjoy his childhood as a normal kid, and Gon is the one that teachs him that and thats why he is SO loyal to Gon, always caring and protecting him? If you see the version of 1999 you will see that at first Killua its really this dark kid who didnt laugh, he doesnt feel like just a kid until he began to spend time with Gon and discover that he can enjoy and play like a kid too. And dont make me start with Zuko because i love him so much and if i keep going we will never see the end of it xD

The point is configurate correctly your characters and it will be easier to imagine how they will react and it will actually make sense to the lector. I hope this help you to something, i keep seing tips for writters and wanted to share something if its worth for you. Keep writting people, you all are amazing.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

@uberoll-oystercrackers late night (early morning?) posting here but this is super nice ty and also again retroactively thank you additionally for all the long replies & kind tags you give

like really yeah it’s like, on the one hand, it’s fairly sucky having to have this thing where im always jumping the gun on considering someone Maybe An Friend and then having to remind myself / be reminded of the fact that like no probably not, which is true and yet sucks, which is just how some stuff is!! like sometimes stuff just is Not Good and is not ever going to Not Hurt, despite the fact you can kinda get better at living with it. and like this one isnt a huge deal even tho the larger problem of when ur like, lonely &/or isolated is kind of a whole real deal……

like it’s strange having these contradictory problems with it…..like, Being Myself has never really just been something i can Naturally do, so even just trying to be nice is like oh lord am i being ~manipulative~, and im always too prone to treat interactions like ive got to placate the other person, and then also just like….not having amazing social skills anyways in the sense that i know a lot of times i come across ~off~ to people and can’t really do a lot about that, but also, i feel like i’m always overcompensating for like, enthusiasm and just the fact i like to Get Silly and maybe i’ll act too cool~n~collected or come off like im trying to be all Smart and Smarmy and like jeez no……it doesnt help that when i was younger i generally preferred interacting with adults and so probably was trying to come across as clever and when i was wanting someone to like me i’d be real nervous and try to go too hard in seeming the opposite lol……oh the legacy of the time i found out my mom’s childhood friend who was funny and cool to us thought i was bookish (true) but like also snobby or something lmao like ah jeez i probably made too many sarcastic jokes about things….but oh well i was just like 10-ish at the time.

anyways tho i feel like that still kicks in and when i get the sense someone is cool and it’d be cool if they thought i was cool too i’m like Well So Then i gotta PLAY it cool!! and then like oh no am i coming across as a jerk? or an trying-to-be-an-intellectual?? i always have a lot of thoughts and i do go off when its like, also tied in to Opinions of mine, so im like, oh no am i coming across as trying to tell someone i think they should think exactly this?? or if i try to Be Witty and Tell Jokes are they just coming off as snarky b/c i hope not especially since a lot of times my actual Lighthearted Snark gets read as “i hate this and think its dumb af” lol. ahhhh i just do not know!! like, i wanna sort of dial back my Warmth b/c i can get enthused fast and i have a tendency to get too attached to ppl too fast, which really only sucks for me, but still!! yet i dont wanna rein it in too much and try to overcompensate and come off like im Eternally Unimpressed and don’t really care and etc etc and just…..idk its wild it’s hard to tell how i may be socializing awkwardly lmao ahhh….and on top of it all, i manage to be godawful at realizing when other ppl actually like me. like, that sort of sounds like The Opposite but i guess its just more of that problem of thinking that im going to always bother people….a lot of times it takes me like, months or a year (or two or three) to realize that someone who willingly interacts w me during that time probably does genuinely like me and is maybe a friend. wrow

uhhhh anyways lord that was all just. tangentially related. im Tangents

UH more to the point!!!! the good news is that yeah i don’t have to think “oh we’re totally real bffs” about anyone to really enjoy and appreciate Our Interactions…..and like i do have real appreciation and gratitude for basically all nice attention lol like, if a single reblog of smthing has kind comments, if someone cool just Likes a few posts, talking on occasion or like, ever at all. cuz for real The Little Stuff has always been a really good thing for years now, especially since there’s been plenty of times i havent really had anything happening In Person that was like….good interactions or ppl who were able to hear my actual thoughts and feelings about whatever and still be interested in interacting with me. cuz in terms of not being isolated and in what i find it easy to talk about and how, Online Interactions have been genuinely important and impactful in a positive way for like a solid decade now since i was able to be consistently Online and have my own accounts and stuff in the first place

so like yeah totally i really do appreciate stuff like that. i think its pretty incredible whenever anybody just like, thinks of me, and likes me. having None Of That Feeling is supremely trash and i so appreciate that i don’t have to feel like there’s nothing and that nobody out there in the world is aware of me, and yet i don’t need it to be that like, anyone is Constantly aware of me and like, intensely invested, cuz that’s just not how it goes lol and even kinda meaning a little bit to someone and having my tiny presence in their life be a positive one is a great thought and i really do appreciate it. Unfortunately for like….my entire life, The Contempt Of Others has been a consistent #thing i’m dealing with and it’s not great!! like yeah fortunately ive had the “felt so bad about myself that it eventually circled back around and now self loathing isnt too much of an issue for me” thing, but it still sucks experiencing it lol…..having any testimonials that like, whatever shit im talking about @ myself is fun to read, or i seem okay, or its fun to talk, etc etc, like thats fantastic really

and the kinds of leaf thoughts too, yeah, that kind of thing is nice to know too lol. i was hoping you were ok like, ten hours before i saw you posting again lol…..we’re out here……..

like yeah ldmbgglh whatever my weird problems are with being overexcited abt any Potential Friendship, and also being bad at realizing if people do like me, and also just being Weird and not great at talking, and overcompensating for whatever and maybe coming across too Coldly when rly im a fiery dumbass, wanting friends but also wanting not to be burned by getting ahead of things and being reminded that most ppl aren’t like, as starved for even just friendly interactions……..i’m better at navigating and handling it in some ways but c’est a m’ess!!! aaaggbfg

really what im trying to say is i do appreciate that sort of thing a lot yeah. i could very well Not be thought of by anybody and that would suck and the fact that i get to know that i am is a really great thing. maybe i couldve said this all better last night cuz i was kinda in my feelings abt Life a little but then also it was in a sort of déspresso way so, maybe this is okay lol….

also i worry i don’t express affection and appreciation enough!!! it’s not that i’m like Oh i don’t want to Commit to Being Friends ew…..it’s that i don’t wanna be the one pressuring someone else into being like uh oh i have to play up being invested in milo!! but then maybe my playing-it-cool just makes other ppl do the same thing or think i don’t care or something. like oh i appreciate this person a ton and think they’re great and they’ve been kind to me but if we only talk so often and obviously im not There for them and involved in their life in the way a ~real friend~ would be, maybe it would just ring hollow to say i love them, for example. lord lol……. it’s all “oh don’t dial down your kindness and affection” and yet also “but don’t wanna inadvertently push other people or Be Weird or get myself invested in something where i don’t mean as much to the other person not cuz they suck but because like, of course im just a fun internet acquaintance, which is fine!!” ahhhhhh the challenges. anyways!!!!!!!

the point is well i do like ppl yeah and i really appreciate ppl liking me. every now and then they do it online or even in person and thats just a Joy and i wish things were more secure!!! i also have to not even necessarily want ppl to get invested in me in case things go to shit too soon or whatever and it doesnt help that ~being open~ means talking abt depressingass stuff sometimes that like, i don’t mind being open about, but i also don’t want to put on other ppl. which, sidenote on that, im feeling relatively alright all these recent months even if im not technically thriving; it’s okay. it’s a hot mess! but that’s just How It Is sometimes!! it’s what it is. and ive had support from ppl in big and small ways that i know i could have had to go without and all the ways ppl are nice to me count for a whole lot and i have appreciated it, and do appreciate it, and will continue to appreciate it.

tldr 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p12 reaction

Back to Earth C presumably.

I gotta say, I'm curious to find out the final page count of Meat. The way we liveblog, the experience is stretched out, so with theories surfacing and such, we might be caught off guard when things are really over. There's only so far that things will be taken, though I guess we're still in for those "original Male/Female characters", I guess. :P That shouldn't refer to the new Reload timeline John created, I think, with copies of all the people mentioned in the rest of the character list. So, uh, yeah, guess the reason Arquiusprite wasn't mentioned in there was because he remained unseen, voided out if you will. And I guess we shouldn't expect an alternate Equius to have a talking role, either?

---

==>

Well! Talk about jumping straight into the action, this page opens with a dialoguelog! Back to Dave, Karkat and if my eyes didn't deceive me, we'll get some lines for Jade, too! Supportive Jade will be supportive.

"hit jane right in her neoliberal austerity measures" ... Hah. Well, I didn't think that would get referenced again at all, but it seems after all these years since John's 18th birthday Dave still has issues with the ol' N.A.M. So, Jane's a neoliberal AND a fascist now, Dave? Is that... even feasible?

"DAVE: now shes gonna spin some shit about supply side economics but we cant let her control the narrative on that one cause the first thing thats gonna happen once she begins deregulating the baking industry is that some sweet dumb crocodile down in consort land is gonna start putting sparkle glue in the cupcake mix which isnt even the real issue thats just surface issues KARKAT: RIGHT. JADE: definitely" ... Like, Dave I admire you're getting so into this, but you realize they aren't following, right? Also, why would Jane want to deregulate the baking industry if she's the leader of the foremost power in said industry, as well as running for president? Plus, Jane can't control the narrative because Caliborn is already controlling it! :mspa:

"DAVE: i mean earth c has just been play acting capitalism the last five thousand years while we timeskipped ahead to live rad lives as gods without bothering with any of the boring shit that goes into making a civilization DAVE: which is fine i mean you cant really expect a bunch of teens who didnt finish middle school to set up a sustainable form of social democracy that isnt just blatantly ripped off whatever we incorrectly thought obama god rest his soul was doing back in the day" ... Gee, Dave's given this a real lot of thought. Props to him, but I hope that aside from becoming 'an activist' he's also got some legitimite action points to improve Earth C's situation.

Guess Sburb really does a number on players, huh? "Congrats, you won, you're all gods now, and also, here's this whole civilization on the brink of collapse, have fun with that. Don't mess this up, I need those people to start the apocalypse in say, 2000 years, k thx bye." (The fact that this civilization, being outside of the Green Sun's influence, may never implement Sburb, is a bit besides the point since I think the trolls would have had the same issue tossed onto them had they actually gone through the victory door.)

Right, but the trolls had their home planet already effectively run by children, I wonder if that will come again? Even though they had carpenter droids at their disposal to run some things for them, they might actually be a bit more self-reliant than the humans!

"DAVE: but janes got this old school mentality you just know she wants to restrict grist alchemy for the sake of “growth” and when that goes down itll take three seconds flat for some nobody in new dersetown to drop the earth c communist manifesto" ... New Dersetown, I like the ring of that. Would call it New Dersey for short, though. :P Again, valid points there, Dave! If any revolt started, it doesn't have to be in the troll community, it could just as much be an angry carapace uprising! They're only docile if there's no one to rally behind.

Blaperile has this idea that the new society in a universe is not supposed to be seeded with the remains of the session nor the universe that came before it. That's actually a valid point; the only reason this society got kickstarted was through the cloning apparatus that was on the meteor! The consorts and carapaces seem like they would be able to reproduce biologically though, so I'm not sure how Sburb normally ensures the planet is a clean slate for a new species to emerge. ... Okay, so the planet itself doesn't really need to be the place where a new Sburb-playing species rises, true. There's a whole new universe out there.

Maybe through "importing" old Sburb technology, the "alpha" planet designation went to Earth C automatically, though.

Or maybe First Guardians are expected to 'cleanse' the planet from outside influence normally, but since this society's outside of the Green Sun's influence, that ain't happening. And Jade won't be going Thanos on Earth C.

"KARKAT: OH YEAH. JADE: of course DAVE: are you two even listening or are you just making noises with your mouths" Dave realizing he's monologuing? What character development is this. :O

"KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BEING ACCUSED BY DAVE STRIDER, REIGNING EMPEROR OF SPEWING ENDLESS VERBAL DIARRHEA DIRECTLY INTO MY INNOCENT HEAR DUCTS EVERY DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE, OF MAKING THOUGHTLESS MOUTH NOISES. KARKAT: JADE, ARE YOU HEARING THIS? JADE: im scandalized JADE: especially when JADE: there are much better things we could all be doing with our mouths....." ... Jade, your animes are showing again. ... I think that maybe Jade doesn't want this relation to be going where Dave and Karkat want it to go.

"It’s been a really nice day they’ve been having, and then Jade had to go say something like that. The air in the hive changes in a way that is palpable, in a way that she can’t seem to accurately gauge despite having both superhuman and superdog senses." ... Ah. So I guess maybe Jade just can't get a lid on some of her more... canine inclinations, at time. Welp!

"Elements of her outfit resemble her god tier jammies: peasant skirt, sparkly flats, and a bold choice in striped tights." Nice! That's only the third person who created an outfit based on her god tier outfit that we know, aside from Meenah and Rose.

"the couch where she crashed last night, and the night before that, and the better part of the seven years before that." It would seem Jade has the wanderlust then, she's more like the vagrant dog that comes visiting from time to time? More GCAT in demeanor than Becquerel, in practice. Heheh. Good for her, after being isolated on an island and then a battleship for so long, she's finally going out & seeing things!

"There are other personal effects of hers in the living room too: plants on the windowstill, her bass guitar sitting in a corner" Cool, so when she comes over, she typically lounges here then. Guess the flute never made it over, though. :p

"a horrific-looking periodic table that Dave made her for her seventeenth birthday pinned above the stairwell. He typed it in Comic Sans, and then deep-fried it to oblivion with JPEG artifacts." ... Next up, on For Fans By Fans...

"And Dave, with his preternaturally perfect timing, sweeps a hand over his tablet to bring up a new PowerPoint slide on the TV. He returns to his Comic Sans-written political presentation, gruesome artifacts and all" Dave, Dave that isn't professional at all!

", with the grace and proficiency of a man who has diffused an awkward situation in his own household many times per day, every day, for many years." Well, okay, that is really mature. But when Dave is the adult in a situation, the situation is very awkward per definition.

"DAVE: alternia: brutal eugenics based space dictatorship KARKAT: NOT UNTRUE." Succinct, brutal, but not dishonest.

"DAVE: troll homeworld: lord of the flies nightmare scenario where kids murder each other just to get the chance to get to grow up and murder other aliens instead KARKAT: IT WASN’T THAT BAD." Karkat. Karkat that isn't a valid rebuke.

"KARKAT: YOU MADE THAT LAST ONE UP. KARKAT: ALSO, IT WAS DISGUSTING?? KARKAT: GROW THE FUCK UP, YOU UTTERLY CONTEMPTIBLE, POTTY MOUTHED *CUNT*." ... The irony is stark.

"JADE: also you know trolls dont actually have two dicks dave thats an offensive stereotype" Are we really doing troll anatomy? Well, I guess it's good to know that the fan theory about Sollux at least isn't applicable to the entire species.

"DAVE: trolls: literally ate babies KARKAT: ONLY THE DEFECTIVE ONES. DAVE: like you my dude KARKAT: ...YEAH. DAVE: so thats why our campaign can work" Yeah, Karkat ate grubs, though they weren't troll babies. Also, yeah, Karkat was a mutant, but I wonder if that would really help his case here.

"DAVE: btw im gonna be giving a long form exam at the end of this to make sure youre retaining info because this is only like the most important thing weve ever done collectively" Well he ain't wrong.

"KARKAT: ARE YOU ASKING ME WHETHER I’VE HEARD THIS EXACT SPEECH ALMOST WORD FOR WORD, INCLUDING REHEARSED VERSIONS OF BOTH THE COLORFUL METAPHORS AND “JOKES,” TEN OR TWENTY TIMES ALREADY? KARKAT: BECAUSE THE ANSWER WOULD BE KARKAT: YES, OF COURSE I FUCKING HAVE." Poor, poor Karkat.

"Karkat elbows Dave in the thigh, a move that is obviously meant to be an action of pure, brotherly jest. But instead it comes off as affectionate and overly intimate. Jade’s clever eyes don’t miss this. Her pupils follow the motion of Karkat’s arm, and then they follow the movement of Dave’s mouth as he smiles in what he probably thinks is a totally neutral expression that reveals exactly 0% of his true feelings toward Karkat Vantas. In reality, his veneer is as thin and transparent as cellophane. He is the only person who can’t see through it.

Jade does some calculations in her head. Two kinds of calculations, in fact: mathematical ones and personal ones." So, is Jade reading too much into their relationship, or are the dudes just... Both too shy?

"JADE: soooooo JADE: do you want a projection of her first years hit on the economy down to the decimal with a 0.3% margin of error JADE: because thats a thing i can do if itll make you stop talking about this stupid election for ten minutes" I didn't know that were First Guardian powers! :p I suppose it might be her natural intellect though, but we've only known her as the hands-on science type until now.

"She proceeds to dazzle the two boys with explications on complex math utilizing taxation rates, GDP figures, and some damned thing called the “Laffer curve,”" Dang, Jade is as much committed to this as Dave! (Or maybe she learned all this because it means so much to him, that could be it too!)

"The thing about Jade Harley is that she’s not as good at personal things as she is at other things. Like science, or mastering fraymotifs, or kissing, the last of which she has definitely put a lot of levels into over the past few years because, well, what else are you supposed to do with immortal godhood once you hit the age where the dog hormones start kicking into overdrive?" Guess for dogs, kissing isn't that personal. :p And well, I guess Jade's only now learning the real consequences of turning into a real-life furry. At least she won't have had lack of candidates to practice kissing with. She might even have become the Witch of Spacing Out Young Adults.

"Her high-prescription lenses make her eyes look anime-huge. They might literally be glittering, she’s so completely serious about the issue she is trying to stress." And the fan artists rejoiced for all the new descriptions they have to work with!

" JADE: im about to lay out some cold hard evidence so pay attention! KARKAT: OH, HANG ON, LET ME GET A PEN." You can't live together with Dave for years without learning when it's time to start taking notes and grab a fucking pen.

"JADE: evidence about..... JADE: our relationship! KARKAT: FUCK" Pfff, okay, never mind. I think Jade might have hit a wall several times over before, trying to either define their relationship or take it to the next level. These dudes are really sensitive about their feelings, after all.

But it would be interesting, learning Jade wants to know where they stand just as much as the outside world does.

"JADE: you let me live in your hive when im in town KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE... JADE: im preeeetty intimately entwined in both your lives KARKAT: THAT YOU’RE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS? JADE: AND you dont disengage from about 86.234% of my flirtations KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU KEEP TRACK OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT? JADE: so....... are we doing this or not?" So, just like with taking on Lord English and acknowledging the lit fuse that is Earth C society, I guess the coming around of April 13th 2019 is when Jade had enough of all this silly business and wants to know what's what. (Also, I suppose the level of intimacy they shared on beforehand will be left to speculation.)

"KARKAT: DOING WHAT?! JADE: dating dummy!!!!!!!! KARKAT: OH. KARKAT: THAT IS KARKAT: THAT IS... A COMPLICATED TOPIC IN MY CULTURE THAT I’M NOT SURE HUMANS ARE EQUIPPED TO TALK ABOUT." Smooth, Karkat, real smooth. Maybe Karkat fears commitment will lead to some of their relationships shifting into other quadrants. And he wouldn't like to be moirails or auspistices with either of them.

"DAVE: also totally unrelated to the economy" ... Nice try Dave, but I think this can't be steered back into that track.

"DAVE: which not gonna lie is the only thing i want to talk about for uh DAVE: for however long it takes for this other conversation to stop happening JADE: so say no!!! DAVE: well KARKAT: UHHHHH JADE: im not just forcing this conversation for my sake! its for you two as well JADE: i mean after all this time have you two even kissed yet?????? DAVE: wha" I think Dave and Karkat might actually have been both content to stay uncommitted and fearful to put a label on it. Also Jade's question will presumably remain unanswered, it's already surprising it's confirmed she hasn't seen them kissing. And that is ignoring the matter of whether either Dave or Karkat kissed Jade before. I guess it's only fortunate for this situation that this instance of Jade never dated Davesprite, it would only complicate things further.

"DAVE: wha KARKAT: WH-WHY WOULD DAVE: uhh KARKAT: WHY WOULD WE KISS?? DAVE: thats KARKAT: THAT’S... YOU... I MEAN, HE’S... HE’S DAVE. DAVE: we KARKAT: AND I’M KARKAT." PFffffffff, hilarious! I can just see them blushing like tomatoes right now. Can't keep staying in denial bros!

"JADE: yes hes dave and youre karkat and everyone we know always calls you that JADE: “dave and karkat”" Hah! Yeah, but they also think you're part of the item, Jade. Care to shed some thoughts on the subject?

"JADE: i cant remember the last time i heard anyone mention one of you without the other JADE: the two of you have basically been together since your days on the meteor its SO obvious" Jade has turned this from a personal matter into a fandom matter. "Everyone and their dog knows you're dating, guys! Stop pretending otherwise!" It's interesting to note the different ways Dave has been seen handling relationships. When he dated Terezi in the GO timeline, it went south due her troubles in the black quadrant. When Davesprite dated Jade, it went south due to unresolved Dave issues, presumably having to do with his bros. With Karkat, Dave's been in a stable-ish thing for the longest time, though.

" KARKAT: VERY CLOSE FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER ON A DEEP AND EMPATHETIC LEVEL THAT GOES BEYOND HATE OR PITY. YOU COULD EVEN SAY THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP... KARKAT: ...TRANSCENDS QUADRANTS." ... PFfffffff, so this could have been what it was like for the Sufferer and the Disciple, then! They were just never ready to commit? That would actually be funnier than it being this deep and fulfilling relationship. It would also make Doc Scratch' misgivings on the relationship even more hilarious.

"JADE: yeaaaaaah not gonna lie karkat but that sounds totally kinda gay KARKAT: UGH YOU HUMANS AND YOUR UNFATHOMABLE GENDER BASED QUADRANTS." ... Heh. Actually. Too trolls, the whole gender-based romance thing we have going must indeed be as unfathomable as leprechaun romance.

"Jade faceplams." Well that's a new verb. ;) What part of the body is the 'plam', exactly?

" KARKAT: ANYWAY WEREN’T YOU... DATING THAT CARAPACIAN COUPLE? LAST TIME WE CHECKED?" Lolwut. Jade. Jade are you... are you being a Ms. Casanova, a paramour or two in every city you frequent? If WV and PM turn out to be alive for the sole purpose of dating Jade, I'll choke on my drink.

" DAVE: wait you saying we arent fun JADE: whens the last time either of you left the house??????" I know Jade means it as in, she'd like to date them for keeps. But I also fulheartedly believe Dave and Karkat can sustain themselves on delivery pizza and chinese chow.

"In her other hand, she tries to grab Dave’s wrist, but he flash-steps to the other side of the couch." Well that's a new use of the power, guess Dave must really have felt alarmed. :p

"JADE: i wanna try dating for real KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED KARKAT: SORRY IF WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY TOTALLY BLOWS YOUR MIND KARKAT: DATING A SINGLE PERSON, FOR MORE THAN HALF A SWEEP, FOR REASONS OTHER THAN INITIATING THE CONCUPISCENT EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS?" Karkat is trying to throw the issue back into Jade's face by saying she should try dating for a longer period of time. But that's exactly what she's trying to do here! She knows who she wants that with! That poor little troll, he's not getting out from under this.

"JADE: third of all karkat arent you from a culture where people are expected to engage in romantic relationships with up to like five people at a time?? KARKAT: THAT’S NOT KARKAT: THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL." If he's trying to avoid getting dragged into quadrants with people, he should stop upholding the validity of the quadrants to hold people off. :p

"DAVE: ok jade i think theres a flaw in your approach here cause you seem to think winning an argument on super clever logical grounds is gonna get a couple dudes to break down and fling themselves at you in like, a sexual way JADE: wellll it usually does ;B DAVE: oh my fucking god" So she swoons people by way of her big brain. Jade's got CLASS.

"This earns Dave a look. A long, sad one that has Jade messing with her glasses again so that she can peer right at him and apply some more of that faulty personal math to his facial expression." Just confirmation here that Jade isn't necessarily correct in all her assessments due to not being objective.

"JADE: dave are you in love with obama? DAVE: jade jesus where do you get this shit from JADE: is it about jesus then??????" Aaaaaand this has been derailed again.

"DAVE: no! DAVE: jesus wasnt even real JADE: i know he wasnt real! JADE: wait... JADE: are you saying JADE: obama was real? DAVE: ... DAVE: yes" Wut. Wai- I- Jade. Honey. Please. Guess for all her involvement in politics since, those isolated years on the island sheltered her WAY too much.

"DAVE: obama was real DAVE: he was the president KARKAT: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JADE: all this time i thought obama was like JADE: an aspirational fictional character that you modeled your life after KARKAT: AHAHAHAHA I CAN’T AHAHA BREATHE... JADE: like snoop dog or nicolas cage" ... Jade. Jade no. You're just making this worse on yourself. For Jade, there would have been almost nothing in Homestuck she'd have seen as a reference to 'real life', would there?

"senary numeral systems that allow me to do complex equations in my head" ... Why is Base 6 good for complex equations? I'm probably not good enough at math to know.

"KARKAT: WHY IS IT LIKE SOME SORT OF *TRAGEDY* HOW SHE WAS RAISED? KARKAT: BECAUSE SHE WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIMAL?? KARKAT: *I* WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIMAL!" There! It's getting acknowledged again, how Jade's upbringing more resembles a troll than a human's! Becquerel the lusus.

"There’s a ripple in the room that makes it clear their god tier powers have just clashed against each other. He shifts his arm through time and Jade warps the space around them so that she’s the one holding the tablet. This is not the first time that they have rearranged the fabric of reality for a petty reason like this. Karkat has permanently sworn off playing board games with them." ... Lol. First real use of the god tier powers in Earth C, and it goes like this! Wait, couldn't Jade have snapped... Right, no, she actually wouldn't have First Guardian powers anymore now, I forgot. Still, what did Dave try to do, move the tablet to another point in the timeline?

"The moment Jade brings the paint program up on the television, Karkat stops laughing. KARKAT: NO!" Oh boy. Time for the Penis Quadrant scene, this time with three people. ... This would actually fall under both definitions of a "sketch", actually.

"He tries to grab the tablet from her, but she’s hovering well above the ground and he simply is not tall enough to reach. With a shit-eating grin and deliberate care, Jade begins to draw a grid." He's going to jump up to grab her leg, to disturb the drawing, isn't he?

"She gives Karkat a pair of fuzzy, angry eyebrows" Now I'm starting to think of the Karkat expressions in that one Paradox Space.

"all he accomplishes is turning the redrom trajectory between her and Dave into a redrom loop-de-loop." This is all I could want from a reprise of this scene.

"JADE: see me and karkat have great black chemistry! KARKAT: IT IS NOT BLACK CHEMISTRY YOU HORRID NON-CHITINOUS WINDBAG!" A+ denial there, Karkat, props on the response.

"JADE: and now that daves all chill hed make a great auspistice" Jade just wants all Karkat's quadrants filled by the three of them, somehow.

"JADE: because you and karkat are kind of like moirails DAVE: no JADE: and you and i JADE: well yknow its always been pretty flirty DAVE: jade JADE: EXCEPT!

Jade finishes drawing a shaky heart directly into the paint program. It’s so big and bright on the TV that it fills the entire room with red light." She's putting all these names and symbols to the relationship, it might just be too much for these poor boys to handle. :p

"JADE: i call this political arrangement: JADE: fully automated luxury polyamorous space-time communism!!!!!!!" That is not the shipping name I would've chosen, but it's the shipping name we deserve. And hey, communism! Get it? Cause Karkat had a sickle.

I wonder what Karkat's take on polyamory outside of the ashen quadrant is, actually.

"Jade rolls her eyes and tosses both the tablet and pen over her shoulder. Dave flashes across the living room to catch his very expensive computing device in both arms. The pen bounces off his forehead." This. Entire. Scene.

"JADE: i have to go talk to roxy and callie about the election anyway" Well, she's going to let them stew on this for a while. But I'm eager to find out who Roxy & Calliope would back. You might think Jane's a given, but if she's been busy maybe they have grown closer to Jade & Dave!

"Jade clicks her heels together to propel herself back into the air and actually winks at them before absconding through an open window." Think happy thoughts! Also, I just realized becoming a god sadly never gave Karkat the powers of flight.

"Dave and Karkat both stare after her, silently caught in their own private rationalization spirals.

Karkat needs to verbalize part of his out loud." Ah, but can they stay in that spiral or will they have no choice but to break out of it?

"KARKAT: WANNA PLAY SOME TROLL TONY HAWK? DAVE: hell DAVE: yeah" Yyyyyeaah, they are not going to have changed when Jade comes back, will they?

So even Karkat calls it "Troll Tony Hawk", not whatever absurdly wrong name it'd have on Alternia, and not whatever Tony Hawk's duodecimal name in Alternian would be. :P

[comicteaparty]

May 23rd, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 23rd, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Maiden of the Machine by Caitlin Like.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! Our final Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Maiden of the Machine by Caitlin Like~! (https://maidenmachine.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

i think my favorite scene so far is when elizabeth and victor decide to sleep together. part in for its serious drama. theres so many questions about victor created from just the visuals, and then theres the stakes at hand of elizabeth's reputation. but then, there is also a good balance of comic relief to a degree since victor told her to ask no questions and she asks the one question that he probably didnt see coming. all around it was a pretty satisfactor culmination of their relationship so far at a juncture that felt natural.

another scene i really enjoyed was the ball scene where victor and eric are having a chat about elizabeth and then elizabeth and victor have a passionate liason. im mostly a fan cause of the dramatic convo. cause theres a deep and terrible sense that both characters truly know what their risking, what the situation is, and how they still are into each other. plus, its all very tense cause it just takes one person being in the wrong place at the wrong time to blow their cover.

honestly i think itd be accurate to say all my favorite scenes are with elizabeth and victor. romance is one of those genres i can struggle with, because theres always something missing. but oh man do i love the romance in this comic. there is nothing more i want than to see then elizabeth and victor finding a way to be together in spite society trying to kick that down at every turn.

i will give a special shout out to the scene where eric, abhaya, milo, and the cousin are meeting to discuss the affairs of the estate. i just like it because it basically shows all the characters' worst sides. abhaya is brash and reckless, milo is just kind of there, and eric is a greedy mofo. and whats worse is literally none of them thought to bring elizabeth. they may have their excuses of protecting her...but part of me still thinks thats a super dick move and shows even abhaya just kind of views elizabeth more as a pawn than a person. but all in all, nothing like money and estates to show off everyone's worst traits. it is very true to life, and i can respect that.

another non-victor/elizabeth scene i respect is the scene where elizabeth is out dress shopping and eric is like here i got you these dresses. just cause i knew eric was kind of a creep, but ho boy, he dialed the creep up to number 11 on a 10 meter scale. but at the same time, i think that really helped to erase all sympathy i might have had for him. thus paving the way for me to not really feel guilty on elizabeth's behalf for her trespasses against him.

mathtans

Hello, I made it... unfortunately this is a rather bad week, I only made it through the first two chapters.

RebelVampire

i also like scenes with west in them. cause I like that between all the people around Victor, West seems the most honest in a scoundrel sort of way. Which that is basically what I like about him in every scene. He causes trouble and pushes the limits, but at the same time hes always at least pretty upfront about his intentions.

thats unfortunate cause its a great comic, but glad to see you anyway math!

mathtans

Which kind of sucks, I like the whole concept of the kick ass ladies. Even the pirates.

Maybe I'll find time to read more in the background.

The bit I liked most of what I read I think was back in the first chapter, when Elizabeth makes the callback to when she got out of the ropes at the very start of the story. It was a nice subtle detail which I found very clever.

I'm not at your bits yet but I can see how the Elizabeth/Victor thing is being set up. Also there seems to be some question of whether Abhaya likes him... or possibly other ladies? I may be reading my own interests into that.

RebelVampire

you may be reading your own interests but later on there is a female character i ship abhaya with atm

so there is that

i dont think youve met her yet tho

mathtans

Also, yeah, the whole estate thing creates an interesting dynamic. That was a clever way of using the period to generate conflicts.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. A large focus of the comic is on Elizabeth and Victor’s relationship. At the end of the day, do you think the two will find a way to be together? If so, how will they get over the scandal Elizabeth would face and the fact those around Victor want him to marry a titled woman? If you don’t believe they’ll find a way to stay together, what will stop them? Further, given the most recent events, how will Eric Wollstonecraft play a role in the future of their love story? How does the narration framing seen where Elizabeth is addressing her potential son affect your opinion? How do you think that future came about, and how soon will it come to pass? Last, what do you think of their relationship in terms of Elizabeth wanting to make her own choices in life?

mathtans

I ship Abhaya with everyone.

RebelVampire

yeah i have to say if theres one thing i appreciate its combination of progressive themes while at the same time acknowledging that the period was not the friendliest towards these things

especially in regards to how elizabeth is treated since her only purpose apparently to everyone is to get hitched to a titled guy

and i mean

thats depressing

yet also true to the period

even though we get to see elizabeth take a journey and reject those social conventions

in regards to the current question, i am choosing not to think about whether in the long term elizabeth and victor will get together for the rest of their lives. because if they dont i will cry but i could see this realistically being the case given the tone of the narration. cause that...does not sound like an elizabeth who lives in eternal happiness.

mathtans

Back, sorry. Yeah, I'm usually not much of one for period pieces, but I like the narrative viewpoint. Also, pretty neat airships.

There was the point where she talked about leaving Victor behind back in Chapter 1 (I don't recall the exact circumstances) but I wondered if it was because he causes her heartache, or just because it make their lives more complicated.

Incidentally, the first thing I thought of with the name "Lovelace" was Lady Ada Lovelace. The mathematician. Not sure if that was an intentional reference to another well regarded woman.

RebelVampire

i love period pieces but i think the steampunk aspects help twist it enough to make it a bit more unique.

mathtans

(I don't think the time frames synch up but I don't recall when the comic takes place...)

Oh, it's definitely unique. I like the gadget aspect too.

RebelVampire

i would not be surprised if the name choice was purposeful. if only because the comic has lots of strong ladies. i doubt well see any real historical figures though.

i appreciate that the comic actually kind of starts off with the airship escapade

cause it really showcases the ways in which their world differs

where you get airships

and sky pirates

mathtans

That's a good point. Helps with the world building before we get down into some of the classic period issues.

RebelVampire

yes. and i also kind of like it starts off more action-y. not that there isnt action bits later mind you. but more i think it helps set up the main conflict while tying in the romance. because it makes it so the romance isnt some forced subplot. rather its kind of integral and has as much to do with the whole highjacking as the rest of the story. since later on youll see that elizabeth's proximity to victor keeps bring that part of the story into the limelight

mathtans

That's a good point, in terms of tying things together. Also possibly sets up a key antagonist (or at least revenge plot) in that burned pirate lady.

RebelVampire

she does come back

i will spoil that much

mathtans

I figured she had to some time, whether it was by the present updates or not.

I've resumed reading a bit in the background. Seems like both the Watson ladies are doing their best to get arrested. ^.^

RebelVampire

well at least Abhaya is.

cause Abhaya is a risk taker who puts herself in many situations where people are gonna stop and stare

mathtans

Well, yes. But Elizabeth also seems to be taking risks where Victor is concerned. Or at least stepping out of her comfort zone.

Certain people have certain effects on us I guess.

RebelVampire

nah thats true. I just think Elizabeth just takes more social risks. Like not the kind that are gonna get her arrested, but more the kind that are gonna get her socially shunned.

whereas Abhaya is the punch one who is gonna get charged with assault

mathtans

That seems like a valid viewpoint. It fits with their personalities when we saw them in their youth.

The cutting back and forth between the two sisters in Chapter 3 is well done.

RebelVampire

yeah in general i like the PoV switching of the comic. because every scene is pretty well-chosen and advances the plot in some manner. and it lets us see others parts of the comic developing. cause later on you do get to see more of victor without elizabeth some and get to go "hmm" to all that hes up to.

mathtans

Ha! I like Chapter 3, page 31, where all the dialogue seems to fade out as Victor touches her. Cute.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Besides romance, there is a larger plot posing real and deadly danger to the characters. Who do you think the Angel is? What are the Angel’s goals, and why is she excessively targeting Victor? Further, what do you think the source of her power is? Also, what does have kidnapping people like Ambrose have to do with her goals? Alternatively, is Ambrose there of his own free will (and if so, why)? Considering Abhaya is being sought by Amabel for help, what do you think Abhaya will do? Will Abhaya be able to uncover more of the truth, or is Abhaya just going to get herself into more trouble? How will Abhaya’s involvement affect Elizabeth and herself? Last, can Amabel be trusted, or is it possible she’ll abandon Abhaya when Abhaya might need her?

spoiler Amabel is who I ship Abhaya with

mathtans

Related to those questions, I do wonder a bit if Victor has a sordid past or something. Like maybe his empire wasn't entirely built on the up-and-up... with his knowledge or possibly without it. So there could be a reason there for him to be targeted.

I've looked on the character page and I approve this ship.

RebelVampire

oh yeah. Victor is 100% definitely a scoundrel. There is one scenes that really hints at this, but even before that i agree with you. Victor is not on the up and up entirely. I don't think he made his fortune without cracking a few skulls.

although idk if this is what makes him a target persay

or maybe it oes

but more in the way hes done the forbidden when it comes to tech

mathtans

Was he totally aware of the repercussions of whatever he did though? Because the people around him seem to like to keep him in the dark.

brb

RebelVampire

im sure he knew the repercussions. the people around him are more about keeping him in the dark about romantic matters. cause as was implied by one of the questions later on you find out the main thing ppl arent telling victor is that elizabeth is just there to open him up to the idea of marriage so he can marry a titled lady

cause everyone is all about those titles

In regards to the current question while you're away, I think Abhaya will help Amabel and get herself caught and get into a whole mess of trouble that for once, Elizabeth will have to break her out of. But I think it'll be a dual sword cause I do think Elizabeth's relationship to both Abhaya and Victor is gonna put her in the crosshairs. cause like, what an easy way to get Victor to show up. Get Elizabeth, tell Victor you'll never see her again if you don't show up.

as for the angel's goals, I feel shes on a path of vengence against the entire world, but particularly victor cause hes high up there in the industrialist chain

and knows something she doesnt and that she needs to bring her plans to fruition

mathtans

Back. Okay, that does make sense, darn titles.

Interesting, this Angel talk. I wonder if it's the same "angel" we see in the title card for Chapter 2?

Sounds like you think it's not personal, the Angel's path, merely that Victor is a convenient figurehead.

RebelVampire

i mean the angel is kind of the one from the title card. those are her wings for sure, though she doesnt look quite like that the one time you meet her

it could be personal, but i feel like the angel just has bigger fish to fry

from the impression i got from her

since shes kidnapping a ton of ppl

and you dont need to kidnap ppl to your cause if all youre doing is hunting down some industrialist

who almost got caught

if not for abhaya and elizabeth

mathtans

Ah, so she's the one behind the disappearances then.

(Still reading in the background.)

RebelVampire

yes. i mean its pretty implied but you get confirmation later that yes its her. though you can definitely speculate on the why

cause i have no clue

shes still enigmatic

mathtans

Looking for a husband? ^.^

RebelVampire

shes reading the wrong romance advice book

when elizabeth and her meet, elizabeth will point her in the right direction

and the angel is like "oh wait so youre not supposed to kidnap them? huh?"

mathtans

And then we ship Angel and Elizabeth.

RebelVampire

no. ill ship Abhaya and Angel

Elizabeth and Victor are the OTP

i said but then was like "nah id totally ship Elizabeth with West"

mathtans

Heh. That's fair, they are the main couple. Though West is an interesting guy, just needs to learn social cues.

RebelVampire

nah thats why west is amazing

he doesnt know social cues

and is awkward

yet helpful

and hes the only dude of victor's who seems to be in elizabeth's corner

mathtans

Right. I think it was said that he's not used to the lifestyle?

RebelVampire

yes that is what he said

which makes me want a side chapter just about what he did before he came to victor

cause i dont feel like victor would just hire some rando. he must of seen something in west

mathtans

Maybe he took pity on the guy, something about the scar.

RebelVampire

that could be cause victor understands the burden of scars

or something like that

whereas i just think west's scar gives him character

QUESTION 4. Mixed in with the present drama is a lot of unsolved past drama. Who do you think Victor really is? What do you think happened to Victor based on Milo’s story that he was telling Abhaya? How do you think Victor managed to overcome this to become the person he is today? Also, what do you make of the room Victor seemed to have sealed off in his house? Besides Victor, there is also a lot of drama between Jules, Abhaya, and Milo. What do you think happened between the three of them that managed to damage their relationship forever? Will spending more time together heal their wounds, or is it impossible at this point? Further, what was Jules up to the whole time he was away with Victor? Last, what do you think Jules’ goals were for introducing Elizabeth and Victor, and why does he seem immensely conflicted about her presence?

mathtans

Sorry, biab

RebelVampire

kay

I think Victor was some fellow servant kid who was Jules' only friend after Jules got sent away. And then Victor almost died. Although I'm changing my previous speculations. Maybe the Angel is more literal and she literally showed up, saved Victor with tech with the promise to return, and then left. So now shes back for her comeuppance. Meanwhile, Victor decided technology was great and he needed to bring it to the world cause it was what would keep him alive and save others.

as for the three, at this juncture it seems pretty heavily implied Milo and Jules were in a relationship and that Milo called off the wedding to Abhaya cause he didnt want to live a lie in regards to how he felt about Jules. Regardless of the what, while Milo i feel will legitimately forgive and forget, I dont feel Abhaya or Jules will. Abhaya cause she doesnt seem the type to ever forgive ever. And to just hold onto her hatred and seethe. Jules in the meantime I think wont forgive until he gets revenge in some way. Cause the two probably betrayed his trust big time and he kind of got the most screwed over by what happened

i think Jules wanted them to meet for the exact reason that the others implied: they want Victor to warm up to the idea of women so he can get married. However, I feel Jules now feels like a jerk who is taking out his anger at Abhaya on Elizabeth who had 0% to do with what happened between the three. and yet he knows hes in too deep to turn back now.

mathtans

Could be that Victor was initially poor... in fact maybe he married into the company somehow? Could the Angel be his wife? o.o

I wondered about Milo and Jules. My initial thought had been that Abhaya had called off the engagement though, so that's an interesting other look at things.

Jules and Elizabeth were close too, back in the day. One wonders if he's that good at seeing how things play out long term.

RebelVampire

nah its definitely his company. but victor was probably poor. if only cause everyone calls him new money. so it means he has no predecessor parent who made their fortune.

Jules strikes me more as the type who things hes great at planning but really, really, really isnt

and then tons of consequences come about that he has to accept and deal with

mathtans

That makes sense and could explain the sympathy for West too, maybe he knows West even though it doesn't necessarily go both ways.

Yeah, Jules seems to think he's got everything well in hand but he doesn't seem to account for the human factor.

Made it to the end of Chapter 4/Act 1 now. Apparently the Angel kidnaps people to literally graft wings onto her spine. Ouch.

Interesting callback to Victor's wounded leg though.

RebelVampire

i think even more than the human factor, Jules is just bad at making plan Bs for when things do go wrong. then panics and makes bad decisions

like not telling victor the factory is in danger

mathtans

Maybe that thing that Victor has in the factory is a time machine. Turns out he's actually from the future, he brought back all the technology and that's why the Angel is after him, she thinks it's stolen.

You're not wrong there, about Jules.

RebelVampire

ya know...i can support this time traveler theory. i mean it doesnt quite fit considering flashbacks

but id 100% buy victor built a time machine

cause why not

victor is amazing

mathtans

Maybe his company is corrupt because they're still trying to get the patents.

RebelVampire

i mean

its a company

so its probably corrupt to some degree regardless

mathtans

That's also a good point.

RebelVampire

i mean i can point out the fact they want victor to marry a titled lady to be a form of corruption. cause thats just marrying someone to advance your social standing for the business

mathtans

I guess we're near the end... haven't said anything about the art yet. I suppose I like the shading, and I thought the sound effect use was clever.

Need someone to star in the commercials.

"Ladies and gentlemen, my wife loves this new device I call a roomba."

RebelVampire

i really love the clothes. i mean theyre simple, and yet all seem to fit within the period that this comic is trying to go for

but if they get a roomba what are the house wives supposed to do

not sit at home cooking and cleaning all day?

also about the art, i really love the steampunk designs. you can definitely tell the steampunk inspiration in them, yet theyre really unique and not really like any steampunk ive seen before

and i can for sure appreciate uniqueness

mathtans

Yeah, that's true. And there was that neat detail of the corset being laced up the front, I wouldn't have thought of that.

Uniqueness is good. I wonder what the machine connection will end up being.

With the whole "maiden of the machine" thing there. (Won't be a roomba, after all.)

RebelVampire

ah thats a good point as well. i loved that detail about the maid being able to tell elizabeth didnt have a maid

mathtans

Maybe Elizabeth gets upgraded too.

RebelVampire

the comic was about the angel all along

and the angel's victory

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up our final Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Caitlin Like, as well, for making Maiden of the Machine. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Caitlin Like’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://maidenmachine.com/

Caitlin Like’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CaitlinLike

Caitlin Like’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/caitlike

Caitlin Like’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/caitlike

[bwicblog]

VD: 😮 see, when my viewers told me there was a new chat o=

VD: 😮 i was hoping it was a live one! o= VD: 😮 or at least there'd be a little spark of life! but this is just so awfully dead o=

VD: 😮 dead BORING o=

VD: 😮 ... o= VD: 😮 i claim this chat in the name of CHANNEL 87! 😮 => u <=

VD: 😮 oh, what the FUCK o= VD: 😮 it's ruining my quirk! o=

SA: you can't claim it.

ID: ahahah wooowww.

VD: 😮 well, gosh, i guess not if it's got people in it! o:

VD: o: pretend you didn't see that! we're having some TECHNICAL QUIRK DIFFICULTIES right now 😮

VD: o= ugh!!! 😮

II: Haha, oh my

II: Well, I'm not quite _here_ since I'm technically at a lecture, but this speaker is dreadfully boring

II: You would think someone who specialized in colonization and diplomacy law would be a fascinating sort of person!

DD: omgggggggggggggg i would be okay with vd claiming this chatroom!!! DD: it would make it about fifty times cooler than before!!! i mean not that its not cool now just that shes definitely cooler and it would be an improvement

II: But they're hideously dull.

ID: nah ii, that sounds hella boring.

DD: i am seconding id!

SA: just quit using the colon with the o.

II: I was hoping they would have interesting stories about aliens, or exploration!

SA: you will look far less suprised.

II: All they have done is drone about minor policy details, which are relevant I suppose but nothing I could not simply read about myself.

DD: well if they are boring details i suspect they figured you wouldnt be especially inclined to read about them yourself so they should say them to you instead so you cant escape!

DD: unless you escape by ignoring them and chatting online instead i suppose but there is no helping some circumstances

II: I always read my briefings.

II: No matter how dull.

II: But going to a lecture is different, I expect some sort of personal flair.

DD: im sure you do but does everyone

DD: its a lecture isnt it i dont suppose youre the only one in there

VD: gosh, sa, that's about what i'm ready to do. VD: it's a shame! that quirk is my THING. VD: but oh well! VD: gotta adapt to the medium!

ID: some trolls just love the sound of their own voice. doesn't mean they're interesting.

SA: 😮

DD: nooooooooo vd 😢

II: Haha, hardly. I am mostly surrounded by teals and a few bluebloods.

SA: i suppose there is no beating it.

DD: rip the quirk

II: But none of them look particularly thrilled either, except those who I suspect are trying to curry favor.

II: And they look rather glassy.

ID: big fish little pond huh ii?

VD: ii, this may be a pretty wild suggestion, so hold onto your pants, but. VD: have you thought about escaping out the window?

SA: some trolls simply sound monotonous but they say very important things.

SA: like me

SA: full stop.

ID: hahaha yeah ii, just dive out the fucking window.

II: Sadly there are no windows in this conference room.

II: Otherwise it would have occurred to me.

VD: and don't cry, dd! the quirk SURVIVES. online, that is! on my stream. VD: winky face!

SA: that is. not at all subtle.

DD: well then take a vent DD: or a ceiling panel!

SA: are you streaming this chat?

ID: fake your death ii. it's the only way.

VD: aww. crawl out under the tables to freedom!

II: I...strongly doubt I would fit through one of those.

II: Or manage to go under the tables, haha.

II: ...though faking my death _is_ sounding appealing.

II: Or at least faking being unconscious.

ID: faking your death is fool-proof.

DD: and ahaha omg DD: im sorry! DD: i was trying not to make it weird but yes oh dear i love your stream very much and i would just like to say that im very pleased that STARship helps make it possible!!

VD: what? no! chats are boring! VD: technically, i might be streaming just a LITTLE. VD: but don't worry, this is not exactly the sort of hard-hitting content that gets my viewers going!

SA: I.

VD: unless ii fakes their death!

ID: you either succeed or they find out you're faking and cull you for realsies.

SA: well, I'm done here for an hour or so.

II: Well if I do, I shall be sure to film it for you.

II: I am nothing if not considerate.

VD: awww. you're a real doll!

II: Haha

DD: ... also maybe if youre ever interested in upgrading well be releasing a new system for synthetic neural synapse that helps streamline wetware-hardware connection and im sure you dont ever have lag but if you do i mean

II: Oh, are you a tech expert, DD?

II: How charming!

DD: i!!! DD: kind of!!

DD: you could say that!

DD: STARship is my company!!

DD: co-company??

VD: ... as is dd! VD: STARSHIP is the big hit that makes it all possible, it is true. VD: why, without them, where would we be? filming with cameras, like a bunch of cocoon-wetting pupas? =:B VD: nah!

VD: oh!

ID: oh god is this just a chat of highblood nerds now.

II: Yes, we have invaded

II: Terribly sorry

DD: well its not when youre here!

DD: 😄

VD: yes, exactly! VD: you are saving us all, id, you valiant hero, you.

DD: wait that sounded like i dont want you here and that is the opposite of what i intended

DD: yes what vd said

ID: uh-huh. totes got my feels injured by that declaration dd, but i guess you patched them.

II: Hahaha

DD: though really its not as though ive gone on at particular length about my work at anybody as of yet i mean i would like to think i am more considerate than that to both those unfamiliar with my jargon and also to my patent legislacerators

II: You don't deal with lowbloods much, do you, DD?

II: Many of the ones I know are not exactly fragile

ID: no ii, i'm suuuppperrrr fragile.

II: Hah!

ID: got a broke ass arm to prove it. =:'(

II: And I'm the governor of Provenance.

DD: i mean not really aside from the lovely members of station 11 that are helping me test my latest prototypes but also i didnt say that because he is a lowblood i said it because i was afraid i hurt his feelings

DD: though there are many physiological and psychic differences between highbloods and lowbloods it is a common misconception that they extend to the psychological! DD: for the most part anyways i mean there are some differences but

VD: i would love to take you up on your sweet offer, dd - mx dd - but i am just not sure i need it! VD: my visual hookup is state of the line. top of the rack! VD: and besides, i think i would miss all of my modifications. =:B can't get THOSE storebought!

DD: what i am saying is that i think that would have been a jerk thing to say to anybody!

DD: if i had meant it the wrong way i mean

ID: what i'm getting from this is that dd is a jerk.

DD: and oh of course i mean i know it is state of the line i am afraid i just got overexcited and-

DD: no i am not!!

II: Ah, I think I would call them...inexperienced?

DD: at least i am not trying to be 😦

II: In some social aspects.

ID: accidentally a jerk.

II: I don't think you are, DD.

DD: what did i do that was jerkish?

VD: hahaha. oh, gosh.

II: It's just plain you haven't dealt with lower castes much.

VD: y'all talk really fast, don't you?

ID: yeah we're hella touchy about you highbloods bringing up our differences. =:'(

DD: i have been told i talk very quickly and at great length my apologies if it is excessive

II: Hahaha

ID: and also apparently being used as guinea pigs for you.

II: Well, that is standard protocol I'm afraid.

VD: no, no, it is positively charming! VD: i just have got to stretch out all of my conversational muscles to keep up!

DD: and really?? DD: that has not been entirely my experience but also workplace sensitivity said that its good not to say all lowbloods are touchy or not touchy about everything in general because that is a bit of a stereotype regardless of which way you go!

DD: and oh dear now i am flustered

DD: thank you though!!!!

DD: that is very flattering

DD: and what do you mean guinea pigs?

DD: i do not eat lowbloods

VD: i.

ID: ....man.

II: ...do you eat guinea pigs, then?

ID: i mean, good on not fucking eating us.

ID: guinea pigs as in making us test your shit.

DD: i mean i have recently had pork yes!!

II: That...oh dear

II: That's not a guinea pig

DD: oh

DD: um!

II: That's just a regular oinkbeast.

ID: ahahah woowwww.

II: Guinea pigs are small and adorable and not really good for meat.

VD: oh, ii, don't drag the poor thing! VD: who hasn't looked at a little rodent and gone: well, shoot! that'd be delicious on a platter!

II: ...myself?

II: I say that mostly because they aren't really big enough to be a proper meal.

DD: i have to admit i am not certain what is common fare for eating when it comes to the landdwelling castes

ID: i mean where you find one guinea pig you'll find more.

DD: i have spent most of my time here thus far lamenting the profound lack of fish!!

ID: they travel together.

DD: i tried to get some sushi but i think the crab was fake

II: Gracious, DD, you almost make me want to take you for dinner somewhere, though surely that'd interfere with your work.

VD: oh, i don't know about that! VD: i got in a hive once that had a guinea pig just about the size of a house! VD: mean little critter, too. it nearly took a chunk out of my poor leg.

ID: 'got in a hive' sounds ominous af.

VD: i think everyone'd be better off if dd had gone and eaten that one. 😮 u o=

VD: oh, fiddlesticks.

DD: no thats fine i can work at any time but its not any time that i have the opportunity to make a new friend! DD: as long as you dont feed my guinea pig i suppose x))

II: Haha, I would never. Have you heard of Civitrecce, DD?

DD: oh no whats wrong???

DD: and no ii i am afraid i have not but i am also afraid i have not heard of most places that are not located underwater or in orbit!

VD: haha, it is only ominous if you want it ominous, id. VD: which is to say, i'd explain, but i'd hate to break the sense of suspense you're building here!

DD: except troll chicago but that was in a musical

DD: i am very in suspense!!

ID: i mean i'm just imagining you break in to hives for funsies.

II: Fair enough! It's my home city, though I am rarely there. It boasts many fine restaurants, including those tailored to the elite, so they have fine seafood.

VD: getting warmer, id! =0 u 0=

II: It also has a spaceport and land travel hub, so it has plenty of trains heading there.

VD: yessss, success!

DD: omg!! DD: in that case i would absolutely love to visit DD: you dont suppose they have any shops that sell nice moisturizer do they because i am coming to realize that this hotel does not come equipped with a salt bath and my gills are drying out and its becoming quite painful and DD: oh dear but thats me just being a complainer now!

DD: what did you do vd??

II: Oh, of course they do.

ID: hahah woow what did you expect being in the desert though dd?

II: ...I'm sorry, break into hives?

VD: 0= i got my quirk working again! =0 VD: 0= look at this, it is just like in the vids. =0

ID: text it vd breaks in to hives to murder for funsies.

DD: omggggggg i love it!

DD: and she doesnt MURDER anyone!!

DD: and i dont know ive never been to a desert!

VD: 0= what nooooo. 0= VD: 0= anyone can murder people! that's not impressive at all! =0

DD: expected it to be like the tropics!!

VD: 0= no one's going to watch that! =0

ID: so what do you do then.

DD: only the coolest stunts ever!!

II: Do you cause property damage and enter without the owners' consent.

VD: 0= hahaha, what is this, an ama? =0 VD: 0= because man, i love those. =0

ID: the fuck is an ama.

VD: 0= property damage is for wrigglers, ii! =0 VD: 0= the KEY to making it fun for the whole clade is breaking in without breaking anything, taking some stuff, and leaving before anyone can even grab their trident! =0

VD: 0= an ask me anything! 0=

VD: 0= where people.. well, gosh, ask you anything. =0

II: I see.

ID: ...so you stream breaking in and stealing from folks.

ID: highbloods.

II: _I_ do not condone this.

ID: 🙄

VD: 0= oh, don't worry, ii, i think you're pretty swell! 0=

DD: oh come on ii its not as though it really hurts anyone and besides if they didnt want their things stolen they should have installed better security systems!

SA: you sound like the sort of person that steals the remote control batteries and watches the hive dissolve into chaos.

VD: 0= and it's - yes, exactly! =0

DD: or worse ones i suppose since part of the fun is the challenge of a good security system

II: It is still illegal.

VD: 0= to both of those! =0

SA: "it's not like it really hurts anyone" "if they didn't want their things stolen they should have installed better security systems"

ID: highbloods pris.

SA: there is so many things. wrong. with that sentence.

VD: 0= i'm helping people improve themselves through a little TLC. 0= VD: 0= and by helping them put off doing their lethal bar paperwork! =0 VD: 0= it's a hard job, but gosh, someone's gotta do it. =0

II: The kind of logic used by all sorts of criminal rubbish.

SA: help me, Hadean.

VD: 0= it's not really a crime, if you think about it! =0 VD: 0= why, you could probably even say it's a public service! =0

II: It is _not_.

VD: 0= hahaha. i'm joking. =0 u 0= it's totally illegal. =0

ID: get 'em ii.

II: Yes it is and I find it particularly appalling that someone of your blood would do such a thing.

II: Shame on you for disgracing your caste.

ID: yeah vd you're setting a bad example for us lowbloods.

ID: ii if you ever catch me stealing it's because vd made it look cool.

II: Ha

II: _Clearly_ .

VD: 0= am i a disgrace, ii? =0 VD: 0= because 1m viewers per session says that an awful lot of people think i'm a shining example! 0=

II: This troll isn't a suitable role model for a blind grub.

ID: also quick fact is it stealing if you're looting a corpse.

VD: 0= i am not quite sure of what, though, now that i think about it. =0 VD: 0= gosh, i should do a poll. =0

II: Your viewers are likely average bored citizens - no, not technically.

VD: 0= ewww. don't touch corpses! =0

ID: great!

SA: no it's just grave defilement.

VD: 0= that's how you get hornrot, id! =0

II: I mean, to be fair, I'd consider it wasteful to not. Unless they have quadrants who would like the body or belongings back.

II: Then it would be disrespectful, but not illegal.

ID: if they're recently dead it's fineeee.

VD: 0= oh, yes. =0 VD: 0= breaking into hives is wrong, but touching dead bodies is perfectly fine. 0=

SA: i'm sorry, did you go looting corpses today?

VD: 0= ii, i think your morals are a little questionable! =0

VD: 0= i think you're setting a bad example here! =0

II: Morality isn't the problem here. It's the law.

ID: not today. but some times a troll has to find some quick cash!

ID: yeah vd.

ID: i'm immoral but i'm legal.

II: Morals don't enter it. Luckily, I really do not care what you think, since you are a criminal.

II: Moreover, a _stupid_ criminal who talks about their crimes in an Imperial server.

VD: 0= well, isn't that just a knife straight to my heart? 😢 =0

SA: please it's not as if the police will come hunt them down for blasting it in a defunct server.

SA: they are a high blood.

SA: who... actually cares.

ID: ^^^^

II: I don't care for their blood. I care for their blatant immaturity and defilement of the legal system.

II: They ought to be disciplined.

SA: as long as they're looking from a caste below them the police will turn a blind eye.

VD: 0= haha, yeah, i would not put it exactly like that, but. =0 VD: 0= close enough! =0

II: _I_ am not below them.

ID: so a firm slap on the wrist.

ID: aka what any highblood ever gets.

ID: unless they fucked with a higherblood.

II: I am two castes higher, and this is wrong.

SA: then call the police and we'll wait.

VD: =0 oh, don't worry, ii! =0 VD: =0 i said i'd never steal from your hive, because we were being downright frondly. =0 VD: =0 but let's be honest here! =0 VD: =0 i wouldn't steal from your hive because you're an awful stick in the mud, and i don't think anyone'll be quite impressed by your collection of troll twilight books! 0=

SA: 😮

VD: =0 u =

II: It's hardly that simple, as I'm sure you know, but I will certainly be filing this - haha, what. Oh that's amusing, considering I have no interest in that series and in fact recently derided it.

ID: also is attempted but not fully carried out murder a crime? just asking random questions i've always wondered with someone who knows law at hand.

SA: Hadean i am aggressively elbowing you in spirit.

II: Mm, technically, but it also depends on a lot of other legal codes.

VD: =0 it's only ever a crime if you get caught, id! =0 VD: =0 or if you stream it live, every night, at 6:00PM IST! =0

ID: i'm not murdering anyone pris, i'm just curious.

SA: "asking for a friend"

II: It varies by area and specific caste restriction, though I'm in favor of investigating as many attempted murders as possible.

ID: no, asking because i have a lot of free time on my hands to ask these questions!

SA: i hate you :l

II: Ignoring the small crimes usually leads to getting complacent toward the bigger ones.

ID: =:P

SA: ����

ID: so chop the hand off the thief to send the murderers a warning kind of thing?

II: Pfft, how barbaric. Hardly.

ID: so like, then. what's the worst crimes a troll could commit?

II: Difficult question depending by what standards you're asking.

II: Castewise, the murder of a tyrian, though even that's a thorny issue given that the Condesce generally appreciates _fewer_ challengers, though there are exceptions for non-heir or heiress fuchsias.

VD: =0 oh, i know this one. 0= VD: =0 early culling a heiress! 0=

II: Please ignore VD, who is not a legal expert, and an idiot.

ID: shots fired.

VD: =0 so don't spear any princesses, id. 0= VD: =0 that's an awful big glitch to make. 0=

ID: i have yet to run in to any princesses but i'll keep it in mind.

II: But if we're talking more generally, destruction or alteration of Imperial property is a big one. That causes us a lot of issues every sweep. On a wider scale, sabotage of the fleet itself.

SA: oh i have.

SA: but they were already dead when I got there.

VD: =0 well, i say give ii all the attention they're so desperately craving. 0= VD: =0 after all, it'd be mean to steal their limelight! 0= VD: =0 even if they are droning like the speaker they were just complaining about. 0=

VD: =0 wow! 0= VD: =0 really? 0=

ID: oh i get elbowed over asking about murder, but you can talk about a dead princess?

II: I suppose it's easy to interpret my giving of facts as attention craving from the person who clearly rotates their life around that very thing.

SA: well, I wasn't involved in it.

ID: i wasn't involved in murder either but iiii still got elbowed.

SA: (also I was not serious)

SA: why would i casually asy.

SA: I found a dead heiress.

VD: =0 what? booooo. 0= VD: =0 i was excited to hear about a heiress! 0=

II: Even if you were, it's hardly my business. Fuchsia disputes are above my station.

ID: uh because you do cool shit?

II: Unless the culling was done by a lower caste.

SA: oh do you really think so?

VD: =0 there's a girl who streams and CLAIMS she's tyrian. 0= VD: =0 but i am pretty sure it's just make-up! 0=

ID: i mean dangerous but cool shit.

SA: claiming ones relation to a tyrian heiress is. unwise.

SA: 😊

II: There are violets who play at being tyrian, heaven knows why. Such a thing is not only dangerous but incredibly silly.

ID: no one here is destroying property or sabotaging the fleet ii.

ID: so what about crimes that you actually see?

SA: Oh, well, there goes my weekend plans.

SA: thank you, Hadean.

II: Haha

ID: =:P np, np.

VD: 0= gosh, id, way to be a regular buzzkill. 0= n =0

ID: that's me. head buzzkill.

II: Sometimes I deal with ones involving Imperial property, but often it's far more ordinary work. But I'm afraid we're breaking for snacks, so I'm going for a bit.

ID: well bye.

ID: snacks can be entertaining at least.

SA: ... breaking for snacls...

ID: highbloods need their snack breaks pris.

SA: oh. yes.

SA: silly. me.

ID: otherwise they get cranky! =:P

SA: 🍱

ID: careful you'll summon back the sushi-fish.

SA: DD?

ID: yeah.

AA: sushi what now. >:?

SA: 🌮

SA: there.

ID: dd wants sushi. despite being in the desert.

AA: that's a taco.

AA: >:[

ID: fuck now i want a taco.

SA: I know it's a taco, I'm correcting my sushi mistake

AA: go get a taco!!

AA: and o, o, ic.

SA: he's going to say something like

ID: tacos cost money. =:P

SA; i can't afford a taco

SA: yes.

ID: i'm sorry i'm poor pris!

SA: i could wire you money.

ID: nah i'll just whine at sips.

ID: (ps my hair is so fucking soft.)

SA: 🙄

SA: send selfie.

ID has sent sofuckingsoftman.png!

DD: omg are we sending selfies? ^_^ DD: im sorry i had to go for a little bit there was a tad bit of an explosion and i had to put out a fire DD: or well tell the bot to put out a fire!!

ID: gotta remember your fire safety dd.

SA: beautiful.

ID: also sure it can be selfie night.

DD: and oh dear your hair looks very lovely!

SA: how hard is it to ... not cause explosions.

DD: thought the horns are interesting ive never seen a floating one before is it mechanical?

ID: hahah no that's my horn.

DD: and surprisingly difficult in some circumstances! DD: i mean part of the testing process was to see if it would explode so

ID: allll keratin.

DD: test success!! DD: it just exploded more than i thought it would!

DD: and oh dear then how is it floating?

DD: and omg wait wait i want to send a selfie too then

DD: um! DD: oh no my hair is a mess um

ID: magic. and psi.

DD: one minute i need to find a comb!!

ID: mostly the psi.

SA: silly hadean.

SA: magic isn't real.

SA: clearly it's a collective hallucination.

ID: fuck you magic is real. =:P

SA: fuck you 😠

DD: fancy! that sounds like it takes up a lot of energy though i suppose horns are fairly small and if it is already attuned to you on account of it being your own growth... DD: anyways!! comb!

DD: brb ❤

SA: there they g.

SA: ...go

ID: that was a teasing fuck you. =:P

SA: i would never say fuck you and mean it 😇

IJ: Nobo>y better be breaking the law in here.

AA: dnw, prni's emojis arne as genuine as yrn floating horn. >:}

ID: oh my god my horn is realsies.

VD: =0 oh my god, what is this? 0= VD: =0 legislacerator central? 0=

SA: what are you going to do, copper.

II: Oh, are we doing selfies -

II: I'm working on that, Halvea

ID: it's selfies night in here.

ID: dd is off primping for it.

VD: =0 oh! 0=

IJ: It is something, alright. Selfies? Is that it? Hmm.

VD: =0 brb, i'm going to get my mirror! 0=

II: haha, I'm afraid I only have an old one. I rarely do selfies.

SA: it's very easy.

SA: you take your phone.

ID: oh my god highbloods.

SA: hold it above your head.

SA: and hit 'take photo'

ID: allll gotta primp!

SA: and send it to the chat.

II: http://cloudbattrolls.tumblr.com/post/152449745713/i-stole-her-glasses-and-fed-them-to-a-chihuahua

AA: you can't just hold it above yrn head, prni.

II: Camera was poor quality, unfortunately

AA: therne's an A RN T to selfies.

SA: an art.

SA: why the teal bangs.

-IJ has sent PhotoDay.png to the chat! It is mostly Halvea being unwinding in her office. Her tie needs actual tying.-

ID has sent lookselfiesarenotart.png!

ID: man, i just did what pris said and. viola.

II: Oh my, you have such interesting tattoos, ID

ID: a genuine selfie.

II: They almost remind me of paint

AA: they'rne clownpaint. isn't that neat?

SA: ...

AA: i think it's neat.

AA: >:}

ID: ohhhh my god they're tattoos.

SA: 😂

SA: look at you, IJ.

ID: i did not have a guy spend twenty hours jabbing a needle in to my face to be told it's paint is2g.

II: Haha, why would they be paint? Even if they were, that's not half-paint, it wouldn't be at all suitable.

SA: wait.

SA: you actually had that tattooed onto your body.

SA: I assumed it was just. birthmarks.

ID: yes.

AA: ikrn?

SA: i.

IJ: Teal is a perfectly fine color. IJ: An> you aren't allowe> to wear excessive amount of face paint while on the job. It can get in your eyes an> can cause temporary blin>ness.

SA: ...

SA: I don't know you. at all.

DD: whats wrong with primping maybe i want to feel pretty! DD: :D DD: anyways here you go!! DD has sent selfienight.png! [Dazzle is in some sort of mechanics lab in the background with hastily combed hair and making a peace sign to the selfie cam while beaming. He's already found time to add a bunch of stickers and filters to the photo.]

II: That is not an excessive amount of facepaint, Halvea!

II: It's a perfectly reasonable amount.

IJ: I know, In>ri>, I am stating for the peanut gallery why you >on't.

VD: =0 congratulations, dd, you are positively adorable! 0= VD: =0 i like the bows! 0= VD: =0 very nifty! 0=

SA: you would almost be cute if you weren't insufferable and a worse space cadet than myself.

ID: there is no paint so let's drop the paint tak. =:I

II: Oh, how precious!!!

ID: wow pris, suave.

II: You look so cute, DD

SA: i use my best lines on you, of course

SA: i have my priorities straight.

DD: omggg thank you!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

DD: i found a new app that has a lot of cute filters and stickers so ive been using it a lot!

ID: i like that your horns don't match.

DD: oh um! DD: haha they actually used to so im glad you think it looks nice now! DD: they used to make the loveliest heart shape together but unfortunately there was an incident!

II: Oh whoops, I missed SA's question

DD: and now i have no horns basically

DD: 😢

VD: =0 i know? asymmetry is such an eye-catcher! 0= VD: =0 you can make an entire logo out of that. 0=

DD: omg ❤

II: I like teal! I am surrounded by tealbloods thanks to my job, after all

DD: that is a hell of a way to cheer a troll up you guys thank you

II: So I dye my hair with it

ID: ahahah wow is that why you have no hair too?

SA: I... see.

IJ: Horns are often something that can become a hazar> when working in many fiel>s, it is a smart thing to >o.

ID: or is that a style choice.

DD: um! no that was also

DD: an accident

DD: the same accident actually

DD: or well a different occasion but overall the same series of events

ID: my horns are never a hazard and i love them.

II: Your horns look very sharp and useful!

ID: but uh. sorry about the accident i guess.

SA: that is the biggest lie i have ever heard.

DD: but i think ive had it cut nicely now dont you?

SA: short hair is practical anyways. You should embrace it.

DD: oh dear

VD: =0 well, dd's already seen my selfie! 0= VD: =0 but here, since everyone else's putting up pictures: 0= VD attaches TROLLSTARWARS.jpeg! [ It's her making a victory sign at the camera with tiny robotic camera-drones surrounding her. ]

DD: thank you! DD: and really it is not that big of a deal now aside from the um DD: lack of hair and horns and having to leave my home and all of that DD: which is to say its been a lot of trouble but really im sure it will sort itself out!!

ID: i mean it looks nice for short hair. I just always assume seadwellers have long hair because. i don't know.

VD: =0 short hair is practical! 0= VD: =0 no industrial accidents that way, haha! 0=

ID: what are those things.

DD: omgggg ❤ ❤ that is very cute vd! or maybe just epic!!!

ID: i want to take a bat to them.

VD: =0 you wouldn't be the first, id. 0= VD: =0 winkyface! 0=

SA: 😉

DD: and you wouldnt be wrong id its very common to have long hair after all it is ideal to emulate our lovely sovereign in all ways we can ❤

DD: i used to have long hair that is to say just not anymore!

VD: =0 yes, sa's got my number down. haha! 0= VD: =0 anyway, they're video drones! 0=

ID: hurrah, all stereotypes have some truth to them after all.

DD: omg ❤

ID: ....are you so in love with yourself you need constant video of all angles or...

DD: well you have to have the best angles for the best stream!!

DD: besides all of merlons angles are good angles

DD: because she only shows the best angles!!

ID: ...are you a fangirl.

DD: well i mean i am definitely a fan but i am not a girl!

ID: ...fanboy. sorry.

DD: its okay im sure its a common assumption to make about my caste given the public face of the empire is a lady ❤

ID: also you have a face that could go either way.

VD: =0 sorry, sorry, unexpected guest! =0 VD: =0 but our hold is done and i am BACK. =0 VD: =0 and i'm not in love with myself, id. that'd be silly! =0

DD: oh really do i?? DD: i dont suppose i pay enough attention to that sort of thing but girls do tend to be really cute so i will take that as a compliment!

VD: =0 but i have to make sure to please all of my delightful fans! 0=

ID: uh-huh.

ID: dd. vd or one of those rainbowdrinkers in all the movies right now. which are you a bigger fan of?

DD: um!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DD: um!

DD: um um um um

SA: pick one the other dies.

DD: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ID: nah one of them doesn't actually exist pris.

ID: too easy a choice then.

DD: well then i would have to pick vd of course because the rainbowdrinkers are already dead!!

SA: i know that, I just want to up the stakes.

SA: but aren't they still living at heart 😢

DD: oh dear

ID: no one dies, you just have to make the choice dd.

SA: how else will they love bellae.

DD: this is a really difficult decision!!

DD: especially because i only really just found out about lestat and oh dear

ID: lestat's mate looks the superior one in that movie anyways.

DD: you are being really tough here and i do not think i can make that decision!

VD: =0 oh, gosh, id. 0= VD: =0 obviously i would pick dd. that's not a choice at all! 0=

ID: it's a tough world out there dd. =:P

DD: OH NO now i feel bad!!

DD: im so sorry vd of course i would pick you i was just temporarily enamored by my recent introduction to lestat

ID: w2g vd now he feels bad.

VD: =0 rainbowdrinkers are gross! 0= VD: =0 i don't know about you, but my lusus taught me that you shouldn't touch corpses. 0= VD: =0 never mind kiss 'em! 0=

ID: ...how about culling them.

SA: VD is right. prions.

VD: =0 yes, exactly! 0=

ID: ii is culling a rainbowdrinker illegal.

VD: =0 they're already dead, silly. 0= VD: =0 how are you gonna cull them? 0=

SA: i don't believe so as many of them go off the grid when they die.

SA: they are considered legally dead.

ID: i mean. burn them to ash?

SA: and many places superstitously view rainbow drinkers as culturally unacceptable despite the Imperial stance they are not real.

DD: i dont think you can get prions from kissing someone and oh dear i dont think rainbowdrinkers are really supposed to be like corpses! DD: they are walking and talking people after all and i do not think a corpse could have hair as nice as lestat or eyes as piercing as edwards

SA: so.

SA: No it would be encouraged to murder them.

DD: this is a very troubling conversation oh my goodness

ID: welcome to this chatroom almost every night dd.

DD: !!!

AA: aww, n, it's not T H A T bad. AA: yesternnight we werne talking about sushi.

AA: and all the ways to make it.

AA: fish like sushi, rnight?? >:}

SA: 🎊

DD: i love sushi!

DD: i have been craving some for nights!

AA: lmfao, good.

ID: it wasn't that incredible when i had it.

SA: no. not this again.

SA: damn you Sipara.

AA: 💚

SA: 🖕

ID: no damning sips for one whole night, she earned the privilege by letting me use conditioner.

SA: she can be damned for twenty minutes.

DD: well maybe you did not have very good sushi id DD: i tried the sushi out here and it was probably fake or at the very least very unfresh and really its much better when you have it properly made with fresh caught fish DD: also i just very much enjoy fish in general on account of eating it a lot of the time!

DD: and oh dear

SA: excuse me.

SA: I have excellent taste.

AA: wtf, don't i earn the prnivilege by spending an hourn brnushing yrn headfluff??

ID: that too.

AA: >:{

ID: i told you it tangles like a bitch.

ID: i t o l d you.

SA: i brought him the sushi he ate. and i am very particular about food.

DD: then maybe it is simply not to ids tastes to eat fish that wouldnt surprise me given it is probably not a part of his typical palate

ID: that's probbbsss it.

ID: i'm used to eating burgers.

ID: and squirrels.

SA: oh i've wanted to --

DD: oh ive never had a burger but ive seen them on tv a lot!

SA: ...how.

SA: I would die

ID: there's only so many things to eat in the middle of the desert pris. D:<=

SA: so fry a scorpion?

AA: you told me, but i told you it'd be, like, way bettern if you let me brnaid it. >:P AA: but w/e, w/e, it's way less tangled now, gj.

SA: leave the mammals alone...

AA: dd, go eat a burngern.

DD: !!

ID: nope. raw ass squirrel meat pris.

AA: actually, n. fuck the burngern. AA: just go stab a hoofbeast, and, like, eat it rnaw.

ID: just bite the fur off and went to t o w n.

SA: what

AA: that's the RN E A L landdwellern expernience.

AA: ain't got nothing like it.

DD: maybe i should i have been holding out in the hopes of maybe being able to get something i am used to delivered here and it has mostly resulted in me living off of lattes which is not a very good diet especially when i am attempting to be productive

SA: 🐴

DD: and they always look very good on tv though kind of weird i guess!

ID: burgers are the fucking best.

DD: theyre so..... cooked!!!

ID: ...and donuts.

DD: and in such a weird way!!

ID: yeah welcome to the land.

SA: please go to a restaurant, DD.

SA: there is an. entire world.

ID: if you don't cook the fuck out of them they might carry disease.

SA: the donuts or the burgers.

ID: both.

SA:

SA: ...

SA: I don't. know what i expected.

ID: =:P

DD: well im sure fish carry diseases too but i eat those raw all the time DD: maybe it is a matter of constitution??? DD: regardless i will definitely go eat a burger once i am done with this module do you think they would make me one without cooking the meat

ID: probably not.

DD: oh dear 😦

ID: the meat will not be. fresh.

AA: n, absolutely.

SA: actually yes.

AA: just thrnow yrn weight arnound.

DD: um!!

SA: Improperly prepared sushi can bear a number of worms and viruses.

AA: be like "I want this so frnesh it's strn8 off the hoofbeast" and they'll T O T E S go w/ it.

AA: .................

SA: particularly if it isn't chilled properly.

AA: ..................................................

ID: now you tell me. =:I

AA: why arne you feeding hads wornmy fish, prni.

DD: that sounds very concerning i have had the un-fresh fish here and i am not sure i want to have the un-fresh thing i havent had yet!

SA: I wouldn't do that to Hadean.

SA: I ate sushi at the same place before I brought it to him.

AA: would you have known it's full of wornms, tho.

ID: pris has the money for the fancy stuff sips.

ID: like. pris how much did you pay for your current outfit.

SA: I couldn't tell you.

ID: guesstimate.

AA: and it ain't that unfrnesh, dd, jeez. AA: trnust meee.

SA: however, I made roughly $3500 today.

SA: catching that indigo.

SA: so.

ID: see?

AA: hads li - >:1

SA: also yes because I would have gotten the worms too.

DD: what if maybe they can cook it like a little bit but not all the way do they do that

ID: man i should have let you wire me some cash. =:/

SA: that is caled a rare burger.

SA: you missed your chance, Hadean.

DD: oh!!!!!!!! DD: so those are a thing!!!

SA: besides what was it you said about taking advantage of people.

SA: and I should watch out.

SA: :p

AA: n, too late, yrn in the brnoke-ass rnust squad, hads. AA: no take-backs!!

ID: =:P you're learning. what have i created.

SA: 💚

ID: he still owes me a shopping trip one day though!

ID: no takebacks on that!

SA: you will be very fashionable. and also very practical.

SA: i promise.

DD: that is very good to know and i will try that because i suppose coming here should also be about trying new things!!

DD: and oh my goodness you should show us what you buy when you go shopping!!!

ID: yeah dd, dive in to the experience.

DD: changing room pix for your fav outfits! ^_^

ID: i live in a tent.

AA: lmfao.

ID: there is no rooms.

DD: ... changing tent pix?

DD: why do you live in a tent?? are you an adventurer?

AA: oh my goooooood, he meant in the storne, hadean.

SA: we aren't shopping in the tent.

AA: ^^^^^

ID: oh.

AA: also, prni, you gotta make surne he doesn't buy anything lame.

ID: sorry i don't go clothes shopping you guys.

SA: i will.

ID: i have three shirts and two pairs of pants and this shirt isn't even mine. give me a break.

AA: and y, totes an adventurnern, dd.

SA: dd, hadean is actually a fashion icon.

SA: you see, they're trying an experimental style.

SA: it's called minimalism.

SA: have you heard of it?

DD: wow that is not very much clothing even i have a lot more than that and i barely packed anything before i left aside from my lab equipment!! DD: we should go shopping together id you really need more clothing than that

SA: it's all the rage now.

DD: and yes i have but i thought that meant you have a lot of the same outfit and you style it differently

SA: oh my god.

ID: ...i have a lot of the same outfit.

ID: and style it exactly the same.

AA: omfg.

ID: and by a lot i mean. 2.

DD: thats how they make it look so nice!! DD: your outfits arent going to look nice if they are worn out because you only have two of them!

AA: evernyone else is being a dumb chucklefuck, dd, so, like.

AA: so let me say, on theirn account:

AA: y, pls go shopping w/ them. >:}

SA: i know how to shop.

DD: omg yay!!!

ID: i wonder what happened to my hooker uniform tho.

ID: wait what.

DD: wh

DD: your what

AA: he's an adventurnern, dd.

AA: duuuuh.

SA: hooker = / = adventurer

DD: that is not what i meant by adventurer!!!!

SA: --

AA: what sornt of adventurnern does not have a hookern outfit?

SA: !!oh!!

ID: i'm not actually a hooker.

SA: my god

AA: how else arne you gonna get in the brnothel to crnawl thrnough the vents to kill the duke?

DD: ............... i guess i did not think that was a thing outside of video games!!

ID: sometimes you need to dress the part tho.

AA: go thrnough the frnont doorn?

AA: puhlease.

DD: that makes sense!

AA: ofc it does.

ID: yes it does.

SA: sipara

SA: oh.

SA: you are all.

SA: awful.

SA: Peopple.

SA: I thought i was bad.

DD: you havent seemed like a bad person to me at all sa! 😦

DD: and neither does anybody else here really i mean i am pretty excited to try a burger and i wouldnt have done that without you guys!

AA: >:}

DD: omg maybe we can have some together when we go shopping?

ID: get cheese on it, cheese makes it better.

ID: well sips we are going to port port to drop lal off, right?

ID: sips can totes go on the shopping adventure too, right dd?

AA: y, y.

AA: wait, what.

ID: =:)

DD: oh there is nowhere good to shop here i dont think the town is so small!!!

DD: we should to go to the coastal city i got to see some of it on the way in and it is much larger

DD: and it is not that far away by train

ID: there we go!

AA: i wouldn't want to intrnude on yrn fancy, like, boy bonding time. >;0

ID: sips can totes use some fashion tips dd.

DD: omg!!

DD: i love giving fashion tips!

DD: the secret is BOWS

ID: perfect!

ID: sips could use some bows!

AA: fuck off, i've - oh my god.

AA: bows, like. AA: in yrn headfluff?

DD: i mean unless you are making fun of her fashion sense in general which strikes me as a little bit mean i am sure that you dress just fine!!

DD: and yes!! DD: and also i have one on my back!

DD: like at the top of my shorts its very fun to twirl with and it is nice and gauzy in the wind its almost like swimming again!

ID: sips, you twirl right?

AA: i

AA: have nevern twirnled so much in my goddamn life as i would, uh, with a bow.

AA: >:?

DD: i mean if twirling is not your thing i am sure we can find you something else its not like the style i like for myself is what everyone else likes to wear

ID: we'll find a style all your own sips!

DD: yes exactly!! 😄 ❤

AA: hahaha. >:}

AA: well, y, as long as we find one forn hads too. AA: did you know he's got fluff down to his glutes??

SA: oh, yes.

DD: yes i saw earlier when we were doing selfies and i think you said that you are the one that brushed it and i wanted to say that you did a very good job and it looked very beautiful!

ID: sips has a funner figure to shop for i think. we should focus on her.

SA: please, style it too.

DD: and yes we can find a style for everyone you and me and id and sa!!

ID: she's famous y'know.

SA: we could loop braids and put a bun in the back.

SA: very chic.

DD: and oh dear is she i am sorry i did not realize

SA: woodland chic, even.

ID: she needs famous fashion flair.

DD: omg!!! that sounds very fun maybe we could get some bright colors

DD: and something more flowy for id though i guess not so much that it is elven even though i admit that is the thought i had between the hair and the braids and such

ID: ...flowy.

SA: oh so.

DD: do you not like flowy we dont have to do flowy i just thought it would look nice with your hair maybe

SA: legolas.

SA: it's your favorite, Hadean.

ID: pris. D:<=

SA: alright, alright.

ID: i need stuff that won't get caught up on stuff.

DD: omg haha we can totally do something like that!!

ID: i do a lot of climbing and fighting and stuff. adventurer and all.

DD: oh that makes sense you are an adventurer after all!

DD: i suppose we will just have to see when it is time to pick out items what you like best and what matches with it !! ^_^

SA: Oh, look.

SA: I just had an extended case come up for this perigee.

SA: I'll be stuck in Provenance, I suppose.

SA: I'm very sorry.

ID: D:<= what a fucking shame.

AA: whaaaaaat.

AA: >:'{

DD: oh!! 😦 DD: that is very unfortunate but maybe we can do another time! DD: i hope it is not too much work for you i recall you mentioning you finished another case recently and really that seems like a lot of effort so i definitely wish you the best of luck in your endeavors!!

SA: ...yes.

SA: it was. exhausting.

AA: it's okay, dd, we can all totes go shopping next time in prnovidence.

AA: why, i hearn they've got the best burngerns on the entirne continent.

AA: full of, like, hoofbeast meat, and blood, and shit.

SA: ...

SA: you know what, I changed my mind.

SA: I won't take that case.

AA: >;0!

AA: dd, show me pics of yrn bow, btw.

DD: i do not think i want to eat anything that is full of feces!

AA: ..........

AA: ..........................

DD: and omg! DD: yes one moment!

AA: >:??

DD: and oh dear i am sorry i think i misunderstood the terminology that you used

ID: no actual shit in the burgers. don't worry.

DD: it is late and i am a little bit tired i am afraid!

ID: unless you go to the reaaallly cheap places.

DD sent thefluffiestbow.png

DD: but yes oh my goodness that all sounds very fun and we should totally visit sa!

SA: i believe that's beyond cheap, Hadean.

SA: no. No please don't.

DD: oh

DD: um!!! DD: sorry

SA: Providence is full of. Crime.

SA: and trafficking. yes.

DD: oh dear

SA: It would be very unsafe for Sipara or Hadean to visit.

DD: oh dear!!

ID: we're strong rusties, we'll manage.

SA: 🤦

DD: are you sure you are doing alright then sa i mean that sounds like a lot of trouble!

AA: aww, prni, therne's no need to get all concerned abt us. AA: we'rne strnong independent rnusties and we'll manage. besides, we'rne wornrnied abt Y O U.

AA: that city sounds RN O U G H.

SA: i am quite alright, thank you.

AA: also. okay. ngl. AA: that's a qt fucking bow.

ID: clearly we should go visit to give you some support!

ID: but if you're soooo concerned.

ID: we can go to the port city dd mentioned.

SA: Yes.

SA: yes let's do that.

DD: omg haha tyvm aa i am very happy you think so!

DD: and oh dear maybe it would be good to go to the city! DD: sa sounds like they maybe dont want to be in their city all that very much and it would be a good chance for them to get out!

SA: no, I rather like my city, thank you.

ID: i haven't seen the ocean in like. 3 sweeps.

SA: I have a view of it from my loft.

DD: i am very confused about who wants to go to what city now!

SA: it becomes less. awestriking. when you see it every day.

ID: we're going to the port city that is actually a port. and not riddled with crime.

AA: .. idk, but you ppl sornt it out. AA: i gotta get a trnuck tmrnw, and. idk. wherne the fuck you get those.

AA: so i'm gonna go figurne that out. >:?

SA: a ... dealership?

ID: do i have to sit in the middle.

DD: i suppose id did just decide where we were going so that is that!

SA: --

SA: oh that will be. good.

AA: y, lal alrneady called windowseat, soz.

ID: gdi.

ID: i hope it's roomy. =:I

AA: i do not have sa's mad buxxx, so, like, lmfao. AA: y. let's hope. >:}

AA: crnoss yrn frnonds!!

ID: my horns are gonna scrape the top of it probably. =:'(

SA: I'd offer you all a ride but I only ride a motorcycle.

DD: oh dear that sounds uncomfortable!

DD: maybe we could go to a salon and have your horns polished if they get scraped id!

SA: I think he meant he would scrape the felt off the roof.

DD: hornicures sounds nice it has been a while since i have had one after all it is a little bit embarrassing to go into a salon with broken horns

DD: and oh well they are nice regardless!

ID: what's a hornicure.

DD: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DD: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DD: its when you go to a salon with your friends and you have them sand your horns and polish them and glaze them!!

DD: and sometimes you can put on really cute designs or accessories like rings and

SA: You know.

ID: hahahah sand my horns.

DD: its really very very fun!!

SA: as we do, Hadean.

ID: i had them polished like a week ago. for the first time.

DD: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DD: we are definitely getting you a hornicure!!!!!!!!!

DD: you will love it!!!!!

SA: in all seriousness, I need to go lie down again. I am rather dizzy.

ID: =:I does it hurt.

SA: i will see you all later.

DD: oh dear that sounds very alarming maybe it is because you were working so much

DD: i wish you a restful sleep please be well!

ID: ...yeah... rough night. =:I bye pris.

DD: and no they do not hurt at all! DD: it sometimes pinches your cuticles a little bit if the people doing it are not very experienced but we will go somewhere good to make sure nobody hurts you! DD: i want your first hornicure to be really really nice!

ID: uh how often do they deal with floating horns.

DD: ....

ID: perhaps i am not cut out for hornicures.

DD: probably not very often!!

DD: well they could still do your other two horns!!

DD: and i am sure doing a floating horn would be even easier since it is not that big and has no cuticles!

ID: i mean my floating horn is like. bigger than sips' horns combined.

DD: well it is not bigger than both of your other horns combined and i am sure they get plenty of customers with very large horns so it should not be a concern dont worry! ^_^

ID: i mean... i guess.

DD: really you do not need to be afraid i promise they are very relaxing and soothing and make you feel really super nice!!

ID: i mean really i'm just a lil wary of your willingness to wanna do this stuff with some rusties.

ID: we're a little. out of your lane.

DD: .... oh

DD: um!

DD: what do you mean??

ID: i mean. why do you wanna hang with us.

DD: because you guys have all been very nice and introduced me to burgers and you seem like a lot of fun!

DD: and i havent gone shopping or gotten a hornicure with some friends in ages and it seems like it would be a really nice time!

DD: and also you need more than two outfits!!!

ID: i guess that's a better reason than most have.

DD: oh dear

DD: i am sorry if i have reminded you of bad past experiences i promise i am just looking to make some new friends and you guys have seemed very friendly so far

ID: it's fine, a rust just has to be a lil wary.

ID: i mean. we're the same shade as the trolls you probably have testing your stuff. whatever that is.

DD: i understand!!! DD: at least i think i do??? DD: um! DD: i do not want to say the wrong thing!

DD: and actually there are mostly yellowbloods in the facility though there are some brown and maroonbloods around and some olives and there is even one cerulean psychic roaming around!!! DD: or maybe two DD: um i admittedly cannot really tell if there is one or just two that look very similar it has been very confusing

ID: pfff you must mean gliese.

ID: and... not-gliese.

DD: oh does that mean there are two??

DD: that is a relief to know i was beginning to think that i was going to talk about them at one point and get it wrong

ID: yeah there's two, dw.

ID: but yeah. facility stuff can make some of us rusties a little wary.

DD: well if it makes you feel any better i am not working for them they have just volunteered to allow me to offer to their participants who would like to try out some of my new prototypes that are in the troll trials stage!

DD: they are all very safe and such the only issues are with connection speed

DD: and integration capacity!

ID: if you say so. i have no idea what that stuff means.

DD: it mostly means that when things go wrong it just makes people feel like things are going really slow or not all the way until they disconnect!

DD: but i cant really go into more detail than that

DD: because it is technically still in beta!

ID: ...that does not really clear up the confusion but okay.

DD: but yes i am not fleet i am a member of a private organization and i do not think i am actually old enough to work for the empire

ID: man now they're drafting young seadwellers.

ID: does no wriggler get a break these days.

ID: what happened to leaving a troll be until they hit ascension.

DD: wait what

DD: are you being sarcastic or did you misread what i wrote?

DD: i am having a hard time telling over the internet!

ID: that's my charm dd, i'm sarcastic and truthful at the same time.

DD: !!!!

ID: mostly truthful-y rn tho.

DD: that sounds like a very confusing sort of charm!

ID: you get used to it.

DD: but yes i suppose then i should clarify that i said that i am not conscripted at all!

DD: and am likely too young to be so

ID: but you're... working for a company that works for the fleet?

DD: in fact my best friend and i have started our own company and it has grown to quite a large size!! DD: the fleet has actually purchased a contract with us recently

ID: looks like some hazy ass lines right there.

DD: oh no we are working with the fleet and it is our honor to due so but it is our own startup and it is contract-based product supply!

DD: i do not work with the fleet directly even the pr things are mostly my good friends strong suit i am mostly research and development

ID: if you say so. seems like a confusing mess to me.

DD: well!!

ID: but i'm not a. researcher.

DD: there is working for somebody as in you are hired buy them

DD: and then there is them coming into your restaurant to buy a meal

DD: in the latter situation you are not working for them they are simply making a purchase!

DD: that is what we are like!!

ID: oh. okay.

ID: i guess you must be good, if they're buying from you and not like. an adult.

DD: i try to be humble most times but it is true that we are very very good!! DD: though i muse credit my good friend with a lot of it because admittedly the product does not make the company and there are plenty of fabulous inventors around that have gotten nowhere so it is their talent at management that has gotten us this far

ID: sounds like a complicated balance of you making good stuff and then being able to sell it well.

DD: yes exactly!!!

II: Management does tend to factor more into successfully selling products than pure talent, I'm afraid.

DD: it has probably been obvious as of late but i am not the best people person so i am very grateful to my friend for putting up with some of my silliness in the past and handling the business side of things

II: Not that I am doubting DD, but unfortunately surface appearances are usually what trolls consider when buying.

DD: i do not think i would have even thought to sell any of my work without them!

II: Oh, don't be so hard on yourself, DD.

II: You are perfectly pleasant

II: Merely a bit unpolished

DD: oh well i am very glad that you think so haha i am glad that i have not misstepped too much yet

II: DD, trust me.

DD: and that is one way of putting it!! DD: but hopefully i will be able to polish myself more soon and maybe the first step is going to get our horns polished id >:D

II: I have moved in highblood circles since I was a very young troll, and have observed _far_ greater errors than any you've made.

ID: maybe you two should go on a. hornicure trip.

DD: but we are already going on one together!! DD: you do not need to have them that often but maybe some time later ii and i can besides we are already going to a restaurant in civitrecce ^_^

II: We can certainly go for a hornicure trip afterward, if it wouldn't be too much time out of your schedule!

ID: i mean me and sips are traveling rn, we won't be back in port port for a while.

DD: well yes and i would love to but it would be pointless since id and i are already getting our horns done but maybe we can do a movie or our claws instead or something??

DD: and that is okay id i am not free at this exact moment anyways and admittedly i do not actually know when people want to hang out

DD: i was hoping it is kind of soon so that i could have my first burger with you guys but i suspect that i may have to break and go eat before then!!

ID: yeah def go eat.

ID: try some chicken tho.

ID: and rice.

ID: chicken and rice are good together.

DD: okay! I have had rice with fish so hopefully rice with chicken is just as good!

DD: speaking of which i should probably go do that right now to be honest my stomach is positively hurting now that i pay attention to it and i have had nothing but trollbucks all night!

DD: ...day!

DD: hopefully there are places open this late!

ID: you'll find something i'm sure. g'day.

DD: good day!!!! ❤ i am very excited to go shopping with you!

[t33th1ng]

aborted nanowrimo attempt - november 2015

false bend sits on the coast and is quiet , and keeps to itself . its a town separated from the world by big high trees that pack together tight and leave no room for travelers .

toursits love it , you see . tourists love it . the people who live there wouldnt say they love it . but the people that live there arent overly emotive to begin with

everyones a little similar in this town and if youre passing through you arent going to notice that until you move on , you get to the next town and you remember the way people are Supposd to be. then it hits them , hits you , dawns on these tourists that hey something is a little weird over there , over there in false bend . somethings a little off

the people who live there know but they dont … acknowledge . that doesnt do much good . somethings fucked here , thats all they know .

somethings fucked and it reels in these tourists , who are on long scenic drives along the coast or are headed towards the national park up north , they are attracted to whatever this town carries they love the fresh ocean air and the clear crystal waters flowing down from the hills , the muddy streets , they love the towring trees the foggy beach and the cliffs above it (a witch lives in those cliffs) the tourists lap up the quirky locals and the weird way the light filters down from heaven , they love it , then thye move on . nobody moves into false bend , not really . like .. its been known to happen people Will move in but so slowly , it happens at at trickle . its like they come here . they love it , they want to Want to live here , then they leave again to take care of other affairs and in that time something Clicks in their minds like yeah , yeah false bend is nice , maybe we’ll drive through there again next summer or something but i guess .. now that i Really have time to mull it over .. i guess i dont particulrly want to live there . its nice but .. not for me

its not for anyone really . its a miracle the town even exists because no one fucking wants to live there Really . 

Regardless

people live there . the same people , year after year . people dont really move away either they just . its Stagnant is what it is .

and then , in late summer , a full entire family moves in which is unprecedented entire Families dont move in if anybody comes into the town its a solitary being , maybe a couple , never a family . most parents have the good sense not to drag their children into something like this

but this family , the osmans , they move in regardless . theyre a weird lot , weird in just a way to fit in here and weird , water-damaged . the father is transferred here for work . hes a doctor . a … hes a pathologist okay , he works in a lab looking at germs . his wife is a mess , his two daughters are surviving. its a bad family .

they move into these apartments , known as being the nicer apartments in town. the building is low and either painted gray or weathered into that color who fucking knows . it has a courtyard which is pretty cute and well maintained , if you can imagine that . two stories , vacant feeling , nice apartments though . the stairwells are creepy . it feels a bit like a motel . the roof is flat .

these osman family move into the apartment that used to belong to gertrude stetson before her son sent her to an assisted living facility two towns over . the apartment was definitely too big for one old woman to manage on her own  but at the same time its far too small for a four person family to live in. theres a sense that this apartment will be temporary , hopefully , thats the plan , please .

but really .. Are There four people living here ? the father puts in long long days at the hospital and sometimes just sleeps there . he has sleep problems , takes drugs for those, so if he is home hes passed out . the mother is here and there , shes not a staple in the ‘family life’. the daughters are the only ones there with any regularity . so maybe this apartment is just the right size .  

theres two bedrooms , a bathroom , and reasonable space set aside for a conjoined kitchen+dining area and living room.

its some kind of arrangement

So , next door , across the hall from these osmans , is josef sokol , the younger daughter catches a glimpse of him and refers to him as the ‘tweaky looking fucker’ . its not a wrong assumption to make , josef doesnt look good . he doesnt feel good either , any time , at all , ever . he monitors his new neighbors move in just as he monitored old miss gertrudes move out . in fact , he helped , and his muscles ached for days after . so he doest help these new ones move in . he observes them through his doors peephole and gets a bad feel but he cant tell i if its just him or if its legitimate . guess he'll have to wait and see . he spies on them really , wonders if he should buy a coffee cake or whatever the fuck and give it to them as a housewarming gift . thats what ol miss gertrude did when he moved in here , years and years and years ago . but whatever . he ‘ll think on it . maybe .. he can get the coffee cake and give it to them and use it as an excuse to scope them out .. yes . yes sounds good . josef needs to keep tabs on people

he lurks around for days , observing simply. he doesnt work or anything , he doesnt have friends or hobbies , so hes free to watch these new folks movements to quiet his frantic mind . he Needs to get a feel on them . especially since theyre right next door to him . he sees a father and two daughters and a woman who stops by once who hes never seen before so he assumes shes with them , possibly the mother ? bad vibes , bad vibes . he sits on his barstool in front of his door , straining his eye thru the peephole , smoking a cigarette . he blinks , slowly

that evening he goes for a small walk to smoke some more . he runs into another neighbor , a man who lives down at the end of the hall fuck fuck oh fuck - a man who lives down at then end of the hall named terry . terry is out walking his shitty dachshund that josef wants to fucking punt across the street its peed in front of his door twice and barks in the middle of the night , soft far -off yaps that make him jolt awake . josef glares at this shit dog . shit dog is sniffing the bag of mcdonalds some lazy ass dumped on the gutter

‘so whatre the new neighbros like’ terry asks . josef shrugs , takes a deep inhale , tries to blow the smoke away from him but the winds being weird so the smoke ends up all going in terrys face anyways , but fuck that guy .

‘’nah, nah havent talked to them yet , figured id let them settle in first ‘ blatant lies : josef is in no frame of mind to speak with others right now . this includes you  terry, you fucking demon . ‘ seem a little unusual but whatever . nice enough i guess . theres a father n two daughrers and i guess a mother’

‘you guess ?’ terry does this shitty awkward laugh that he always does when josef says something mildly weird which, to be truthful , is Often . josef knows this laugh in his goddamn bones

‘yeah . some older woman is there like , once . no clue who she is . neither of the adults look like the kids tho ,’ josef exhales more smooke , it goes at terry again , terry backs up . the shit dogs chewing on an old french fry cup thing what they fuck are those called ?? called shit dog chew toy now

terry gravitates away after that . josef does too . time to walk around a three block area and then return to his apartment . see if anythings new with these neighbors . think some more about that coffee cake .

--

by the next afternoon josef musters up the courage , soothes his fucking brain , and buys this coffee cake . time to meet the neighbors . gotta prove hes a reasonable functioning adult . he puts on some relatively stain free clothes , and moves out . maybe he shouldve shaved too  oh well . he knocks on their door , its a sunday , late summer .

one of the daughters answers . shes shorter than the other and looks mildly fucked up . she looks like she gets in fights at school over shit that doesnt matter (this is very true) and like she doesnt get enough validation . she also looks suspicious .

‘hello ?’ she opens the door just enough to pop her head out . theyre the same height , both of them . roughly five foot six , five foot seven . theyre at eye level . and they both have brown eyes . go figure

‘im your neighbor . my names josef.’ he sticks out his hand . she reluctantly shakes it .

'im bea’

‘heres some … heres this coffee cake . welcome to false bend ‘ josefs ability to do this suddenly fucks out on him and he wants to run .

‘cool ‘

bea takes the cake , josef nods , they both vanish into their apartments . josef is getting a Really bad feeling from these people .

later that evening theres a knock on josefs door . oh fuck . he silently jumps out of his cherished recliner and lightfoots to the door . nobody can hear him. outside is bea and her sister . the sister is taller , shes definitely more attractive , she looks more wellrounded for sure but still kind of dead inside but josef isnt one to judge . he opens his door

the sister immediately smiles and sticks her hand out . ‘hello! sorry i missed you earlier , i was taking a nap. my names gloria. thanks for the cake!’

josef shakes her hand , studying her . he cant get a good read on her and its fucking him up .

‘josef .. josef sokol . nice to meet you’ hes forgotten to smile so far so he makes himself do it . he thinks thats the right facial expression for this . glorias smiling so …

bea isnt but hes not going to trust her for social cues .

‘its nice to meet you, sorry my parents arent here , im sure theyd love to meet you too ‘ gloria goes on for a bit about things that josef doesnt necessarily Care about but hes glad to know . family of four , her fathers a busy busy doctor man doing his medicine , they moved here from new mexico , its so beautiful here isnt it ? it sure is .

gloria thanks him again , promises to see him around ,  everyone retreats . josef knows more now but fuck that just making him more confused . he feels paranoid . he always paranoid but Especially now .

-

the osman apartment is a weird place to be . the grand dr norman osman has unpacked and situated all his earthly belongings . the larger of the two bedrooms is normal looking . the rest of the apartment , boxes and bubble wrap and the remains of several half assed unpacking attempts . the sisters are trying to make things nice but it isnt working like it should . theyve smashed their mattresses into their shared room , and have realized theres no room to put the bedframes in there , so now they have to figure out where to get rid of those .  bea puzzles out  how to get the wifi and cable set up , she figures it out , they spend an evening watching nature documentaries together instead of unpacking more because theyre tired . and then the next day they go on a walk instead because gloria wants to figure out whats where in the town  shes says its so pretty lets explore . they end up doing that all day and are so tired by the time they get back they pass out .

bea knows her mother is staying in a motel and she doesnt tell gloria . it wouldnt be anything new but she doesnt want to say it . gloria probably already knows anyways why should she bother . mom is gone gone gone

they seee  their father , their esteemed doctor , a few times .

he comes home almost every night , he takes his shoes off and immediately retreats to his room , he leaves early in the morning . the family does not communicate much .

but this is how things always are . life goes on .

josef observes , josef is confused . school is going to start soon , in a matter of days . gloria will be a senior , bea will be a junior . gloria wants to get everything unpacked before school starts . bea doesnt give a shit .

‘cmon . if it doesnt get done by school its Never getting done ‘

‘why cant we just go on another walk .. i want to look in the forest …. ‘

gloria wins , they unpack some . not all but some . they get the bathroom set up somewhat . bea finds her fuzzy sucks and puts them on . the apartment feels a little less shitty .

‘ isnt this so much nicer ?’ gloria feels like theres fresh air in her lungs . she likes things to be a certain way . bea doesnt care as much . they both clean up for bed and retreat . their bedroom has one tiny tiny window and they lay in bed awake , facing each other , eyes open . the moon is weak and the clouds are heavy , the light is cold and failing . they look at each other and think and remember

they arent related . bea was adopted by their parents when she was four years old and gloria is their godchild . gloria has seen a lot and it makes it hard for her to sleep sometimes . the first night they really truly met each other was a little like this , in the dark and staring at each other emptily . they are sisters in a weird ferocious way . they hurt together but theyre not dead 

that night , like most of the others , norman comes home . theyre both awake when he unlocks the front door .  they listen to him take off his shoes , take his sleeping pills down his throat ,  he strips his socks off , goes into the room , turns the tv on . the volume is low . light flashes under the door .

‘lets go to sleep ‘

please

_

bea and gloria go to the coffee shop down the street the day before school starts . the street is poorly taken care of and theres a bunch of weeds growing , theres plants bursting out of everywhere in this town its just the way . and the buildings around the street , just like all buildings , in town , are gray and beaten . the ocean weather gnaws them down into something gray and dirty .  

all the buildings are low . gloria looks straight ahead while she walks and bea looks all around them . a truck drives by them , maybe the passengers are somebody they will go to school with ? theres a bar with a shining neon sign across the street . crows sit on the telephone wires . bea watches it all .

in the cofffee shop bea gets a donut , gloria gets tea and a scone . gloria cares more about keeping up appearances.

they sit at the window to watch people inside , and outside , the coffee shop . as they sit it starts to rain a little .

-

okay i dont giiiive a fuck

wanted to tdo donuts , donuts was boring ,

after the coffee shop wihc was Boring And a Mistake Fuck U .. afterwards thy go towards the ocean , it is cold and lovely

the ocean rolls out forever . before coming here , neither sister has seen the ocean before . they watch it for a long time . gloria is smiling , she likes it . bea is mildly horrified . she doesnt know why . she watches it move in front of her and she has a hard time breathing . oh she hates it . or not hates it . it scares her . and her first kneejerk reaction to  being afraid of things is to hate them so its only natural

gloria wants to walk the beach forever , admire the nature and the shells and the gulls , admire the gulls and the clouds .   . bea just wants to go the fuck home but hey she isnt going to ditch her sister on the beach .

they stay out there an hour , more than an hour . fuck im gying im g=done goodNight

- 

bea can only view her chemistry teacher with suspicion. marcus rydell , who has long braided hair and plays guitar and wont shut up about his beloved pet cockatoo and has a gigantic potted tree in his classroom that cant be removed without killing it , well this mr rydell is a weird guy . and bea can handle weird but theres just something so off about this guy . 

all the other students love him , hes a school favorite. but bea is creeped out by his pale pale blue eyes. something about his eyes . she doesnt know it by name doesnt know what it particularly is but its there she hates it , it drives her nuts 

(months later after shes established her weird , mildly shitty relationship with josef, she tells him about it . he looks thoughtful on it but doesnt offer much beyond 'have you noticed how others have that look? in this town?' and now that he mentions it she really does notice that . imagine that . much much later he tells her more and she realizes what it all means ) 

anyways 

bea doesnt like this fisheyed hippie shit bastard and waching him an hour a day in class is a bad feeling. she stews on this in the back of class and is thoroughly unnerved by the time she leaves. she cant even whine about it to anyone - again , everyone loves him. also she doesnt have friends so like 

- 

sol washington is the world famous darling of false bend, he has a huge home there on a cliff above the ocean with an all native species carefully maintained garden. hes there twice maybe three times a year . there is a live in staff of maids and yardworkers and one grouchy middle aged woman who takes care of his impressive 400 gallon fish tank. he loves those fish. she loves them too but not much else 

josef would be the eleventh edition to this household and sol wishes he would but but josef doubts he could handle it and anyways , living in large spaces freaks him out . hes an opposite claustrophobe. also a reguar claustrophobe . josef has some issues 

he goes to the grand washington house whenever sol visits , to keep him company and to be bathed in luxury. he also pays the house periodic visits to just to make sure its being kept to sols standards. and to send him pictures of his fish . he also kind of likes some of the staff there and likes to check up with them when hes feeling particularly sociable which is a relative term with him but is known to happen 

sol designed the house himself of course . just as he has a fair number of the buildings throughout false bend. its only natural - hes  a beloved renowned architect with a strong capability in interior design . he travels all over the world to build and lecture and entertain. sol is the light of whatever party hes sucked into . his passions are creation , and socializing (and the occult But ) in fact he met josef when he traveled to new mexico in the 80s to help create a spiritualists mountain retreat . a lovely complex integrated into the landscape and he picked up josef along the way . josef cant come to terms about how he feels on that - getting uprooted from the desert drug culture and transplanted into the northwest rainforest . he figures it was good in a way, not gong to complain about having a safe place to live and being somewhat sober is somewhat nice as well . he supposes . but going up north tossed open a whole new can of worms as well . thanks , sol . 

josefs life in the desert  was painful dangerous and something he will never properly recover from . hes killed a man and witnessed three other murders . hes wasted four solid years of his life on heroin , his body hurts and his scars stand out bright on his skin . and his brains never going to heal . but hes come to terms with that at the very least 

[anonymoustalks]

idk if lenins polcy of bruning churches was good but you have to have soem kind of athiest government

(6-20-20) You both like politics.

You: hi

Stranger: hi

Stranger: ideology?

You: moderate left

You: you?

Stranger: far left

Stranger: uk

You: ahh kay

You: why do you like omegle?

Stranger: er dunno just fun to chat without consequences i guess

You: mhm that's fair

You: I like to hear about what other ppl think

Stranger: yh and argueing

You: haha I don't really argue that much

Stranger: some people arnt worth ur time

You: mhm maybe

You: where are you from?

Stranger: uk^^

You: I'm from the us

Stranger: noice

You: and I'm totally ignorant of british politics lol

Stranger: i know a little bit about america

You: how does your government work?

Stranger: cos its the centre of the world

You: sorry if this is a really dull question

Stranger: its fine ill asnwer w my limited understanding

You: I just ran into someone who was praising the monarchy

Stranger: pfft

Stranger: haha

Stranger: so basically above everyone we have a queen who approves certain stuff and has the ability to interjec tin products but msotly doesn then you have the unlected house of lords which is aristocrats recommended by other rich ppl and below that the ppl elected

Stranger: we have a prime minister so he doesnt have the same powers as president

Stranger: but hes more powerful than other pm's

You: mhm

You: the house of lords...

Stranger: yep

You: is the aristocracy still a big thing in the uk?

Stranger: its just like the senate in the usa except not elected and idk probaably

You: how does someone get recommended to the house of lords?

Stranger: be rich adn good at something or know someone whos rich

You: ahh I think it's weird that it's so closely tied to wealth

Stranger: not really the uk ruling class make it prtty obvious to us peasnts that its a ruling class fake democracy

Stranger: unlike the usa where everybody is supposed classless

You: right

You: I guess that's a fair statement

Stranger: but yeah fuck the queen

Stranger: how was the guy defedning monarchy?

You: oh he sounded kind of weird

You: like how god and the monarchy is essential for uk's stability and being

Stranger: pfft

You: he didn't really explain much

Stranger: both are irelevant nowadays

You: just pointed out that france and us are chaotic, according to him because there is no monarchy

Stranger: oh yeah thats totally

Stranger: why

You: yeah lol

Stranger: if only they had a monarchy then there owuld be no class and racial conflict

You: so how far left are you?

Stranger: very far

You: anarchist?

Stranger: nope left communist

Stranger: basically anti stalinist communist

You: what does your ideal government look like?

Stranger: well until you have a relatively stateless socialism you have a dictatorship of the proleterait

Stranger: and that has an armed population as the army and has direct democracy and a representive democracy who are payed wages simualr to that of a workmans

Stranger: in brief

You: mhm and membership has a criteria that you must be working class?

Stranger: membership of the democratic process yep

Stranger: a worker

You: mhm

Stranger: not necearily poor

You: what is the exact definition of working class btw?

Stranger: sombody who doesnt own and live off capitlist property

Stranger: or is a cpatilsit in other respects

Stranger: like an investor

Stranger: businessmen landlords and bankers

You: hmm I feel like it's hard for me to draw parallels

You: I know a pharmacist friend

You: who rents his place

You: for extra cash

Stranger: well when we have the revolution i doubt he'll be locked up or anything but youknow

Stranger: hes just a small landlord i guess

Stranger: supplemetning work income

You: so would people just discouraged from doing that kind of stuff?

Stranger: well hosuing will be nationalised as an early step

Stranger: so you wont have to

You: mhm

Stranger: making rent equal to bills

You: my parents also have investments

You: for like retirement

You: and just in general

Stranger: sure

You: was curious what would happen to those

Stranger: well i mean by investor sombody who is rich and does it for a job

You: ah kay

Stranger: the socialsit pension ting will be good anyhow

You: mhm

You: do you think that's it necessary for the world to follow this model? Or do you think that it can still work with just a communist state on it's own?

Stranger: nah for a lot of reasons you cant have it in one or a few states surrounded by cpaitlsit ones

Stranger: for one a DOTP surrounded by cpatilist states is forced to act like one to compete

Stranger: and therefore exploit other countries and its own labourers to the max

You: right, I was curious about that actually

Stranger: that was trotsky's argument

You: mhm

Stranger: he said u cant have 'socialsism in one country' because you have to first have international DOTP

You: dotp stands for?

Stranger: or you just become a state cpaitlist state like stalin

You: dictatorship of the prol.?

Stranger: dictatorship of the proletariat

Stranger: yep

You: mhm, that makes a lot of sense

Stranger: yep

Stranger: DOTP being when workers hold the state but not the economy

Stranger: the economy is still in private hands

You: right

You: I think I mix up all the varieties of socialism and communism

Stranger: yh DOTP isnt so much a variety but a transition

Stranger: from cpaitlism to socialism/com

You: mhm

You: I feel like I think about human nature cynically

Stranger: oh go on

You: as in, I'm skeptical of being satisfied with equality

You: *ppl being

Stranger: well tehy certainly arnt satified by inequality so how bad can it really get?

You: mhm true

Stranger: we dont mean absolute equality

Stranger: just equality of opporutunity to realise ur best self

You: idk if this is school bias or anything, but when we learn about communism, it's often framed that the party just ends up with all the wealth

You: or power

Stranger: theres a reason that idea of so called communism is taught rlly

Stranger: mainly cos of porpaganda but theres some truth

Stranger: under lenin the state was definitely a semi deictatorship of a few workers parties

Stranger: but with a democratic mechanism and worker councils to elect them

You: hm

You: *mhm

Stranger: with the intention of educating a largely illitarate peasant russia into a democratic socialsit society

Stranger: but after the vicotry of stalin after lenins death, whatever redistribution of power was dropped and centrlasing power in the party and in stalin was the priority

You: right

Stranger: so there is a history to it

You: I feel like I was thought that there was a component of ideological purity -- like, if you expressed greater loyalty to the party, you could get more stuff

You: like better food tickets or cars or stuff

You: *taught

Stranger: sure teh soviet union during and after stalin was definitely a class society

You: mhm, how do you avoid class from rearising?

Stranger: you dont centralise power in bureacracy

Stranger: and make it mroe acoutnable

Stranger: you arm the popualtion

Stranger: make durable directly democratic mechanisms

Stranger: accountability at all level

You: so you're saying like enshrining freedom of speech / freedom of arms in the system?

Stranger: im not a freedom of speech absolutist but sure

Stranger: its very important

You: wasn't China kinda of freedom of speech until tianmensquare, were they?

Stranger: ha no

Stranger: you got tortured if you spoke out

You: ah kay

Stranger: same as soviet union really

Stranger: mao wasnt masively different

You: I'm just thinking of the blm protests in the US

Stranger: yh

You: when ppl feel like change isn't happening

You: then they can get violent

Stranger: yep

You: was just curious how your government would handle that

Stranger: well the governmetn and the people are intrinsically merged

Stranger: but it depends like waht the situation would be

You: mhm I mean technically there's universal suffrage in the US but not everyone votes

Stranger: yep

Stranger: electoral college too

You: and I think minority parties can sometimes be the loudest and most opinionated

Stranger: yh

You: so even with a proletariat government I think there might still be disagreement

Stranger: yh

Stranger: for sure

Stranger: and debate

Stranger: whats ur point

You: mhm idk

Stranger: aight sitl idk the answers

You: yeah it's interesting

Stranger: what are u taught abotu socialism in schools

You: mhm, I guess just the things I said?

You: I think we studied east germany and the ussr

Stranger: ah k

Stranger: yep

You: what life was like

You: to live there

Stranger: sure and if you trying and feed everyone this is waht happens type shite

Stranger: you cant be nice with the economy

You: mhm I don't think my teachers tried to make extremely biased conclusions or anything

You: but the curriculum itself could be biased I think

Stranger: k yeah same

Stranger: yeah fr

Stranger: we dont learn at all about the british empire

You: yup

Stranger: like not once

Stranger: or really any british history beyond knights and castles

You: actually in world history class my teacher commented that I was beginning to sound "anti-american" lol

Stranger: haha good

Stranger: anti american what a word

Stranger: being anti imperialist and anti racist is being anti british too

You: lol

Stranger: tells u what they think about britishness

Stranger: its not culture but power

Stranger: which is a load of bs

You: mhm

Stranger: what did you say to teacher

You: idk I'm not very nationalist

You: I didn't say anything, I'm not really the kind of person to argue

Stranger: neither but i like uk just not enough to block refugees to preserve it

Stranger: like some wacko patriots are

You: mhm

Stranger: they act like the uks not been 15% non white since like 1940

You: mhm

You: what do you think of their opinion that a country should have a right to control their own culture/ethnicities?

Stranger: erm

Stranger: well thats tough

Stranger: i think the ideal of direct dmeocracy and a reactioanry population is contradictory

Stranger: and therefore maybe u need more centralised leadership there

You: I think I heard a scenario of belgium or something wanting to block the construction of mosques in like a historical district or something

You: to preserve their national culture/history

Stranger: yep idk

You: yeah idk either

Stranger: but like how would direct democrayc work in somalia

Stranger: or saudi arabia

Stranger: thats a tough question

Stranger: would men use it to repress women

You: mhm yup

You: or well, there are several states that have a democracy

Stranger: its like india was basically a dicatroship for its first 20 years

You: and they voted to impose state religion

You: state religious laws

You: that kind of thing

Stranger: basically cos it would be a bloodbath

Stranger: of relgion and caste

Stranger: so the governmetn had to go against the people to do whats the long term good

You: I think it's sometimes hard to have foresight about what the "long term good" is though

You: like everybody things they are doing things for long term good

You: *thinks

Stranger: well in indias caste removing caste racism and relgious bigotry was a big thing

Stranger: and many people died due to it

You: mhm

You: I think it's really hard for me to know what is "right"

Stranger: and i think general equality is a good thing impose against a population

Stranger: if they dont want it

Stranger: thats the only way change has ever come

You: mhm although I think indoctrination is always possible

Stranger: eh

You: I mean, this is kind of a hot take, but Western values are indoctrinated

Stranger: yeahthey are

You: similarly speaking you could indoctrinate capitalistic values or communist values

Stranger: some are right some are wrong

Stranger: not succesfully

You: and I think the ppl who grow up with whatever they are indoctrinated with are generally happy

You: and support the views they grow up with

Stranger: yeah true

You: although I think it's sad for whoever gets left out of the system

Stranger: like anti deisicimination laws are passed despite a population

Stranger: for a long term good

You: mhm

You: yeah idk governments are hard haha

Stranger: haha yes

Stranger: thats why were still talking about it

You: mhm

You: I don't really know what to think about ppl who support religious states

You: like indonesia has that problem

Stranger: theyre idiots

You: like they want their state to become religious

Stranger: ik snd prolly will

You: but if I imagine myself in their shoes

You: I think they just want to be closer to their religion

You: which is like a personal value

You: like I'm secular, so things like freedom and equality mean a lot to me

Stranger: truw

You: but I can also imagine a different world were idk god and faith matter a lot to me

You: we have pretty significant freedom of religion battles in the us

Stranger: same]

Stranger: if i didnt grow up in suhc an athiest school and get bullied for it id be hardcore jesus

You: oh your family is religious?

Stranger: yep

You: mhm I was reading about the us lgbt anti-discrimination ruling earlier

Stranger: yeah

You: the religious schools here are worried about being affected

You: like they don't want to hire gay teachers

Stranger: good

You: bc they're a religious school

Stranger: get w the program schools

Stranger: idk if lenins polcy of bruning churches was good but you have to have soem kind of athiest government

You: mhm I think anti-discrimination is good, but I feel like I can understand their resistance of feeling like they can't teach their religion the way they want

Stranger: sure yeah

You: idk most things I don't know what to think lol

Stranger: but think about if they dont get agy teachers

Stranger: anti discimination laws dont work

You: hm?

Stranger: cos u can jsut say u didnt disciminate and taht it

You: ohh no it still matters

You: like imagine you are a religious school

You: and a pastor applies and says they are a gay priest

You: and you don't want to hire them

You: they can sue bc discrimination

Stranger: maybe but its a relgious school why u even applying

You: mhm some ppl kind of want to change christianity I think

You: like there are pastors who are much more sympathetic to lgbt

Stranger: eh still

Stranger: lictus and that

Stranger: levictus

You: yeah idk

You: most of the churches in my area are pro-lgbt

Stranger: pretty sure my preist is closeted

You: aww

Stranger: hes very camp

You: camp ?

Stranger: and went to cambridge

Stranger: femenine

You: ahh

Stranger: yep

You: yeah religion is an odd place in politics for me

You: like it's often at the root of weird stuff

Stranger: oh yeah

Stranger: are u relgious

You: that runs counter to like modern science common sense

You: no

You: well, I'm like 20% spiritual I guess

You: but I'm not religious

Stranger: yep

Stranger: never got the difference

You: between spiritual and religious?

Stranger: yep

You: oh, for me, religious is like adhering to a religion, or denomination, or religious practice

You: spiritual is like vaguely believe in something

You: *belieiving

You: without doing anything about it

You have disconnected.

[selfsustainability-blog]

[24/10/2018, 18:47:33] donSELZ: so taking care of yourself enough that you are able to take cate of others [24/10/2018, 18:47:42] donSELZ: care* [24/10/2018, 18:49:12] Ella: Yeah kind of But I don’t think take care is the right wording but it’s along those lines I just don’t know the right words now ahah [24/10/2018, 18:49:51] donSELZ: yea, it's just cause what we are talking about is essentially self care [24/10/2018, 18:50:25] donSELZ: and the idea that we have to take care of our own situation before we are able to extend ourselves to others [24/10/2018, 18:50:46] Ella: Yeah [24/10/2018, 18:51:45] donSELZ: i remember Jihye was talking about how that might be seen as selfish/unkind and not wanting to compromise being the compassionate person that she wants to be/is [24/10/2018, 18:52:34] donSELZ: but we shouldnt be compassionate to other people at the expense of our selves [24/10/2018, 18:52:57] donSELZ: we have to be compassionate and kind to ourselves first [24/10/2018, 18:53:32] donSELZ: but also just as much as we should be kind and compassionate to others [24/10/2018, 18:54:35] Ella: Yes and I think when I say take care of others it’s more of a help others be self sustaining so helping them find the tools and stuff that work for them that help them be self sustaining [24/10/2018, 18:54:49] Ella: Mentally and physically [24/10/2018, 18:54:52] donSELZ: yeah, i fot thT [24/10/2018, 18:54:54] donSELZ: that* [24/10/2018, 18:54:57] donSELZ: got* [24/10/2018, 18:55:09] Ella: Okay cool I think that is better working than take care [24/10/2018, 18:55:19] donSELZ: okie doke [24/10/2018, 18:55:26] Ella: Wording [24/10/2018, 18:55:28] donSELZ: i use care because even though that is specific to you [24/10/2018, 18:55:56] donSELZ: care is more general so it includes and relates to what everyone in the group is talking about [24/10/2018, 18:56:09] Ella: Ahh yeah that makes sense [24/10/2018, 18:57:24] Ella: And I think the potential unkindness of being selfish is a real fear/anxiety of many people [24/10/2018, 18:58:44] Ella: I guess that there are ways to counteract it in life where you try and communicate with people around you as best you can so that they understand and don’t just think you are being mean. And it’s a shift in perception. If you have been brought up with the idea that selfishness is bad it’s a difficult thing to pivot your thinking around [24/10/2018, 19:00:12] donSELZ: yeah it's hard to change your mindset because you see how people react to you when you take away your hand inorder to help yourself up first [24/10/2018, 19:00:34] donSELZ: and seeing how people react makes you question yourself [24/10/2018, 19:00:48] Ella: Yeah it’s uncomfortable [24/10/2018, 19:01:00] donSELZ: even though your wanting to protect yourself first is right [24/10/2018, 19:02:24] donSELZ: but yeah it is uncomfortable which makes it harder to internalise the idea that caring for yourself first is a good thing and a really important thing [24/10/2018, 19:05:26] Joy: Its kinda the starting point of my study. It can told as  'unconscious anxiety I feel as associating with people' and ' having emotional security as being a selfless but selfish person' [24/10/2018, 19:06:19] Ella: I think there is also a really interesting aspect which is narcissism and certain aspects of care is celebrated. Such as financial success but your mental health isn’t. Just look at the amount of you tubers and other social media type people who are loved/revered and they are selfish people. (They are also disliked) [24/10/2018, 19:06:29] Joy: Omg your idea  helped me a lot to get through the part I was struggling with. i will upload my idea as soon as possible. Im adjusting it now. [24/10/2018, 19:06:39] donSELZ: wooo [24/10/2018, 19:06:58] Ella: Okay cool 😀 looking forward to reading it x [24/10/2018, 19:07:42] Joy: Yh it suggests another way of interpretation on the term but relevant to it I guess [24/10/2018, 19:07:56] Joy: 😍 [24/10/2018, 19:09:50] donSELZ: selfish means "lacking consideration for other people, concerned mainly with one's own profit or pleasure" [24/10/2018, 19:10:20] donSELZ: but what you guys are describing is not about lacking consideration for other people at all [24/10/2018, 19:10:41] Ella: Yeah so it’s more like perceived selfishness rather than actual selfishness [24/10/2018, 19:10:59] donSELZ: youre talking about caring for yourself but why does that automatically mean you dont care about other people [24/10/2018, 19:11:07] donSELZ: it's not a this or that thing [24/10/2018, 19:11:24] donSELZ: they can co exist [24/10/2018, 19:12:15] donSELZ: yeah it is perceived selfishness, but yeah that's why i prefer using the words self preservation [24/10/2018, 19:15:07] Ella: Okay yeah that makes sense

I guess because of the culture we have been brought up in it’s a binary and you are one or the other so to occupy two things that is slightly contradictory on the surface is hard for people to wrap their heads round [24/10/2018, 19:15:32] donSELZ: yesss i love this, we're relating to risk group [24/10/2018, 19:15:45] donSELZ: i wrote a bit about it in my essay - the binary [24/10/2018, 19:15:54] Ella: Ahh cool! [24/10/2018, 19:15:55] Joy: Thats the part I donno how to deal with. Bascially selfishness has a negative idea basing on social term. But i guess we all dont take it negatively including me. The point being is i wanna say being selfish in a certain level isnt a harm in community but there is a fine line between being selfish or being self-centred(not sure if it is a positive way of saying selfish person) person [24/10/2018, 19:15:59] donSELZ: i will copy and paste here [24/10/2018, 19:16:37] donSELZ: yeah i understand that, and i dont see it as negative in the way that you are using it at all [24/10/2018, 19:17:04] donSELZ: but because when you look up what the word selfish means [24/10/2018, 19:18:31] Joy: Yhh i just think that when we have a talk with people, it will be essential to explain about how we define selfishness in our theory X [24/10/2018, 19:19:16] donSELZ: i think i the word selfish is bound to be negative because what we are describing doesnt mean what the dictionary says selfish means [24/10/2018, 19:19:22] Ella: Yes I think that is a good idea and then coming up with a couple of key questions that we would find helpful to discuss [24/10/2018, 19:20:27] Joy: Yh ture. [24/10/2018, 19:20:30] donSELZ: what we are talking about is self preservation, which we can say is a type of selfishness that doesnt negate caring for others [24/10/2018, 19:20:42] donSELZ: from my works in the past i used this quote a lot "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare" [24/10/2018, 19:20:53] donSELZ: by Audre Lorde [24/10/2018, 19:21:15] Ella: Andre lorde is a boss!!! [24/10/2018, 19:21:29] donSELZ: which helped me a looot with the ideas around caring for myself and not feeling like that makes me a self centred type of selfish person [24/10/2018, 19:21:41] Joy: Fab. I will look for Audre Lorde!! [24/10/2018, 19:21:48] donSELZ: awesome [24/10/2018, 19:26:56] donSELZ: “the binary femininity/masculinity also supports other binaries by making them appear natural or legitimate as well. Other binaries that follow from our examples might read as follows: home/work, private/public, and passive/active. In each of these binaries, the first of the pair is gendered feminine while the second is gendered masculine” – (pg. 2, French and Bliss 2006) [24/10/2018, 19:27:35] Ella: I feel like I have seen this quote somewhere before [24/10/2018, 19:27:44] donSELZ: lool well you read my essay [24/10/2018, 19:27:47] donSELZ: so it might be that [24/10/2018, 19:27:48] donSELZ: hahaha [24/10/2018, 19:27:50] Ella: Ahh yeah hahahah [24/10/2018, 19:27:54] Ella: 😂😂 [24/10/2018, 19:28:14] donSELZ: this is what i wrote about:

Often, self-care is seen as a private act that only stays internal. However true self-care naturally externalises itself often. Self-care is an intimate act with yourself that then affects the you outside of yourself. It swims back and forth between the ‘public’ and the ‘private’, but this is not always realised. It is bound by the traditions of the binary that we see our world in; derived from the gender binary of man or woman, and so we also see self-care in the binary of either public or private, but like gender the public and private also exist on a spectrum. [24/10/2018, 19:28:15] Ella: No I think it might of also been referenced in a book about metaphors that I have [24/10/2018, 19:28:27] donSELZ: hahahah yeah probably [24/10/2018, 19:28:43] donSELZ: ohhhh hahah was it the book you borrowed me this summer [24/10/2018, 19:28:51] Ella: Yeah ahah [24/10/2018, 19:31:32] Joy: Loool it seems like its my turn😂😂😂 i am still writing....sorry.. give me 5mins guys X [24/10/2018, 19:31:46] Ella: Haha it’s cool take ya time x [24/10/2018, 19:32:01] donSELZ: 😂😂😂❤ [24/10/2018, 19:47:37] Saamiyah: I think for me, the way I’m thinking of it is being selfish in some aspects of my life like only doing thing that may only benefit me. [24/10/2018, 19:48:35] Ella: Like what [24/10/2018, 19:54:37] Joy: Self-sustainability and Selfishness or Selflessness

My study mainly looks at being self-sustainable in regards to individual acts in society. Living in society requires us to adapt ourselves in an environment and live interactively with elements surrounding us, such as social life, cultures, regulations, and so on. When it comes to dwelling in a community, we easily find ourselves following the flow of society and hard to assert ourselves due to the care of how to be perceived and considerate attitude towards others. This tendency has existed since the first time human start to live collectively and reciprocally; it results in the concept of natural attitude to associating with environments. What is the natural attitude in the context? The term can be explained as the attitude (tendency) generally making a beneficial consequence to everyone. We have been learnt to be kind and selfless to people is essential, which causes resistance to selfishness and taking the word negatively. Besides, as there is a guideline of attitude to assimilate society, the unconscious anxiety of making a decision on an individual's action deeply place in their mind. [24/10/2018, 19:54:57] Joy: I havent finished it but i realised my 5mins was too long loooool [24/10/2018, 19:55:34] Joy: Please understand my grammartic errors 😂😂 [24/10/2018, 20:00:45] Ella: Ahah it’s all good.

So looking at the fear around becoming self sustainable and te perceived selfishness that entails whilst also adapting and navigating all the other human experiences of culture, relationships, law etc [24/10/2018, 20:02:03] Ella: @447473131379 can you elaborate on what you were saying? [24/10/2018, 20:07:06] Saamiyah: I think what I’m trying to say is that because I was bought up and live in a world where we have to constantly think of helping others, that when I want to do something they may only benefit me or saying “no”to people whether it be family or friends, it’s seen as a negative thing. So I want to explore the idea of doing things/saying “no” that may only benefit me (I don’t know what) [24/10/2018, 20:07:20] Saamiyah: Without feeling guilty [24/10/2018, 20:08:46] Joy: Exactly! [24/10/2018, 20:21:23] donSELZ: this relates so much to what im looking at! [24/10/2018, 20:23:08] donSELZ: that unconscious anxiety is what manifests the "looking glass self" [24/10/2018, 20:23:58] donSELZ: the looking glass self states that our self-views form as a result of our perceptions of other people’s opinions of us [24/10/2018, 20:25:19] donSELZ: and that unconscious anxiety of being seen as selfish starts to manifest in our minds as a "truth" even though it is not true at all [24/10/2018, 20:26:09] donSELZ: because of the hyper awareness because of the unconscious anxiety of how people might perceive it we can start to believe that about ourselves which becomes unhealthy [24/10/2018, 20:26:28] donSELZ: the guilt becomes unhealthy [24/10/2018, 20:36:00] Joy: It summarises what i want to say!👍 [24/10/2018, 20:38:42] donSELZ: :D

[redvelvetvenom-blog]

the only thing i could be jealous of you for is your is your 10k fake tits

some days it hurts more than others but today it hurts more than anything to write, i dont want to do it/ todays like one of those days where i dont feel like myself. but today is also one of the first days this year that i have woken up and known what day of the week it is. todays also one of the first days i was productive. yeah, i cant believe it. actually i can. i mean look where i am. writing is the only way i can communicate effectively with people... when im talking i feel like im always searching for words or saying to much or not saying how i really feel. i feel like im annoying the person which honestly i dont really care about but in relationships where it matters i usually just isolate myself and ignore them because the thought of being misunderstood which is my reality scares me to death and makes me furious and just give up.  i havent been writing and i feel like my brain is in this disgusting knot i dont recognize. im focused on irrelevant shit like jen and her lies and my nails and bleaching my asshole (actually that one  is important) and making peter not think im 12, and stewart losing interest in me, when im completely apathetic about my future and my physical and mental heath and making friends or having a job. its gross. i am gross. although i am the most attractive i have ever been i am also the most ugly and un put together on the inside as ihave ever been. its funny cause a year ago when i was writing and also dealing with a lot of loss, and going for days without sleep, dealing with my rape (more than one unfortunelty), and completely losing it due to the dope, i was somehow okay because i was writing. its like my own self medication. without writing my thoughts, its like i cant speak or think. and so maybe that sounds stupid but i cant explain how good it feels, as scary as it was to start, to speak again. i was so scared. i wouldnt admit it to myself, i just would ignore it all together. but i was so fucking scared to write, to type to be more specific. i could write in my diary, that would be slow and my hand would hurt and id NEVER be able to catch up to my thoughts. and thats been this whole year. its been a whole year. tina is a bully. i dont like her, but i feel like i cant live without her, and being an ex heroin addict, i feel pretty stupid saying that. but i am not a functional drug addict. some people are. infact, most people on here tumblr, “tumblr tweaker girls” or whatever or hashtag tweaker nation seem like they are doing more than just fine. like it hasnt completely destroyed their life like it has mine. but its funny because i was one. atleast until some dude decided to start blackmailing me because he found my page but he is irrelavant and so is that and not worth my time to talk about. moral of the story: dont bitch if you post videos on tumblr of you smoking meth in your bra. its not private, even if your tumblr is. anyone can figure out how to get the software to download your videos or pictures or whatever. well besides the obvious screenshot. anyways, ive come to the long and painful but unavoidable conclusion that stewart is not worth my time and wasnt since he moved up there. i should have never talked to him after the car incident because as much as i love him and it hurts, that was not fucking acceptable and me doing meth isnt an excuse for him to take it personally and lash out on me or punish me by pretending i dont exist. i just had so much happen and with all of that came low self esteem and with all the lies i was telling it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to feel good about myself. i guess it comes with borderline personality disorder but all that shit is nonsense to me because theyre going to find anything they can wrong with people and slap a name on it and then tell you your not normal. everyones fucked up, i am extremely fucked up and im okay with that. i cant understand it all now, fuck im only 20. up until this year i was ashamed of everything i did and everything that made me who i am, and its so hard to break out of that. in all honesty, i still dont really believe i am beautiful with or without makeup and thats fucking not true but i am insecure. but in the grand scheme of things, life is way to short to feel bad about yourself the way i do. i know that. life is to short to be in a haze trying to forget about everything and going through the motions, as lame as that sounds. ive been doing that and ive been waiting to die subcontiously because the truth is i dont really value my life like i should and i havent learned how to be happy on my own. i am the most materialistic person i know, and that unlike everything else i am not ashamed of because i know that it is so far rooted me that theres no use in denying it or being embarrassed because its not my fault, its the only way i know how to feel better. its always been. but the fact that i constantly feel like i need something to fill this hole is getting ridiculous and so is my shoplifting. i am way to fucking good at it and i have gotten away with it to many times to where its become my biggest addiction. i didnt really even notice it till a few months ago. ive noticed that everyone who does dope has a hustle, well almost everyone. atleast of the people i know. some of them are stupid, others are brilliant but not thought out as well as they could be or excecuted in the right manner, and some are like the expected, selling drugs or your pussy. i kind of am ashamed because my “hustle” is retarded, and i want a job more than anything. unfortunately my social security card has been stolen 3 times already this year and i cant get another one,  i cant even dance. i dont know how it started, but for about a year now, ive just been living off whoever i could, and the bare minimum. bare minimum is a broad term, because somehow i still have a car and a cat and expensive makeup, an iphone 7,hair products and my drug habbit supplied, but i dont know for how long. ok. honestly time. i dont like it anymore than i like the fact that i am a slave to this chemical but i have spent the last year filling my days with going from store to store stealing shit. anything from iphone cases to shoes to greeting cards to lingerie, you get it. ive gone into several stores and filled up my shopping cart and then just walked out. im not bragging.. its pathetic. in fact im sure no one is reading this anyway and im more than okay with that. the point of this page is for me and to be able to keep a record of my thoughts without having to worry about anyone i know reading it and so i can go back and read it, like an online diary. i got the idea from jenna from awkward but im not sure what she used for hers. i used to have one but had to delete my page because of all the drug related pictures and videos i had posted of myself, which unfortunately i can still find on youtube or here if i really try. i am ashamed, but a little less then before i wrote all of this. this is my truth. and my voice and my last little shred of sanity i have to cling onto because its the only way i know how and i dont even feel like i know or trust myself anymore. if you dont want to read this then please dont waste your time, the less followers the more i can make sense of this war inside my mind.. also please no messages trying to help me or anything, its annoying and i dont need your help. thanks, its 9am and im passing the fuck out. goodnight. more for nxt time <3 bbygrlldz

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right