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wait, i don't understand, can u please if u want explain why they scrapped the "Stolitz Montage" song?
Yeah, I can explain! I actually have a lot of thoughts about these songs.
For context, at the beginning of Sinsmas, a song called Day By Day plays in the background while Blitz and Stolas run errands. Originally, a different song (untitled, so Sam Haft—the composer—unofficially called it Stolitz Montage) was going to play during these scenes, but they ended up scrapping it. I mentioned in the tags of a different post that I understood why they'd made this decision.
If you don't want to keep reading, my TL;DR is that I believe the tone and mood of Stolitz Montage doesn't fit Stolas' emotional journey in Sinsmas as well as Day By Day does.
If you do want to read my full personal analysis, keep reading below the cut!
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(Note: I'm going to focus on the songs' lyrics, because I'm not knowledgeable enough about music to analyse the musical aspect of the songs. If anyone else wants to add their thoughts in that regard, be my guest!)
Let's start by taking a look at the lyrics of the scrapped song, Stolitz Montage:
youtube
So you're having a bad time
You're stressing and everything all seems much so
You've been having a sad time
And your family probably hates your fucking guts so
The song starts by describing Stolas' situation and emotional state in the days following the trial: he is sad and overwhelmed, everything feels like "too much", and his family probably hates him.
It's pretty clear from the get-go that they wanted a song for this montage that conveyed Stolas' struggle to adapt to life as a commoner, away from everything he's known, and having gone cold turkey on his depression meds (the lack of which is emphasised visually throughout the song).
The song is also in second person: Stolas isn't him, or me, he's you. This is something both songs have in common. It keeps the song at a slight emotional distance from Stolas. Whereas a first-person song would make the feelings too personal—would make Stolas too aware of his own struggle—and a third-person song wound be too distant, the second person allows Stolas to be only passively aware of his emotional state. He's not the one singing; he's the one being sung about. What he's feeling is being pointed out to him by an external, seemingly omniscient voice.
The song continues:
Ooooh-oh oooh ooh
I know you feel it too
You lost your way
And just can't fake it for another day
It's hard to take it
Just pretend you're gonna be okay
Here is where I think the tone of the song starts to deviate from what they wanted to convey in this montage.
At first glance, this is a continuation of the previous verses, and mostly expands on Stolas' emotional state: "it's hard to take it"; "you lost your way".
The key difference is that the lyrical voice now plays an actual role in that emotional state.
First, it states that it shares Stolas' feelings ("I know you feel it too"—implying that Stolas isn't the only one who feels this way). Thus, the lyrical voice starts shifting into an active character within the scene. And not any kind of character—one that can relate to Stolas and, more importantly, one that can offer some comfort.
Then, there's the line "just pretend you're gonna be okay". Now, I see two possible interpretations for this line. It can either be a piece of advice for Stolas (hey, I know it's hard, but just pretend), or another description of his struggle, a continuation of the previous line: "(it's hard to) just pretend you're gonna be okay". Personally, I lean slightly towards the former interpretation, especially because the lyrical voice's intention to offer comfort and advice becomes clearer in the next line of the song:
You're not okay and that's okay
This is where the focus of the song shifts fully towards a hopeful, even optimistic view of Stolas' situation.
Now, I get where they were going with this. "It's okay to not be okay" is a very powerful thing to say to someone who's struggling with mental illness and hard life circumstances, and it's one Stolas badly needs to hear.
In fact, it is a message that is conveyed to Stolas multiple times throughout the episode. By Blitz. Not through words, of course—but through actions. In the montage itself, as well as throughout the rest of the episode, Blitz constantly stands by Stolas' side, offers him company and comfort, meets him where he's at emotionally, doesn't pressure him to be okay, and (especially at the end in their apartment) gives room for Stolas' sadness and grief to exist. He hugs Stolas, puts his hands on Stolas' arms, and opens up emotionally about his own sister, and those are all ways of showing Stolas that it's okay that Stolas isn't okay.
But here's the thing. The knowledge that it's okay to not be okay is Blitz's, not Stolas'. That is Blitz's emotional state, not Stolas'. Stolas doesn't know it's okay to not be okay, and even though Blitz keeps conveying this message to him, he's not able to hear it just yet. Not this early in his descent to rock bottom.
In fact, learning that it's okay to not be okay is a journey that Stolas only begins at the end of the episode. By then, Stolas still isn't okay, but he begins to come to terms with the fact that that's alright. And he does this by allowing Blitz to sit in silence with him, to dance with him, to pry a laugh from him, to hold him without any expectations of being held back. The final scene of the episode is all about them both being okay even though Stolas isn't. We see this in the fact that Stolas lets himself stay in Blitz's arms, going as far as closing his eyes. He's there. He's finally in the moment. He's finally allowing the "not okay" feelings in his body to just be.
The Stolitz Montage song ends with:
You put one foot in front of the other
Then you take it day by day
Knowing you got nothing
You still got each other
Ooooh-oh oooh ooh
Again, most of these lines do match Stolas' emotional state. In fact, the notion of just living life one day at a time, just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, is very representative of what a depressive episode can and does feel like.
But, in the very last line, the song shifts right back to a reassuring tone: "you still got each other".
Now, not only does the hopeful, optimistic sentiment of this line belong—once again—to Blitz's emotional state, it also goes directly against what the emotional arc of the episode aims to achieve.
Sinsmas isn't about them having each other—Sinsmas is about Stolas having Blitz.
It takes him all episode to realise this, too. At the beginning, when the montage takes place, Stolas is just going through the motions. As stated above, he's just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other—he's fully on survival mode. During the fight with Andrealphus, Stolas is shocked that Blitz came to save him, that he risked his life. That is the moment Stolas begins to truly comprehend that he can lean on Blitz. And then, after they get home, he slowly continues to learn it, as explained above. By the end of the episode, he's only just starting to allow himself to lean emotionally on Blitz.
And significantly, Blitz doesn't lean on Stolas. Because he's at a very different part of his own character arc, and he already had his opportunity to lean emotionally on those around him with Millie in Ghostfuckers, and to a lesser extent, with all his employees during their mission on Sinsmas.
Blitz has gone through enough pain, character growth, and healing to both understand exactly where Stolas is at, and be able to meet him there and be a rock for Stolas to lean on.
So the reason that line—that last line, positioned strategically to drive home its message that it's all gonna be okay—doesn't work for the montage is twofold. Firstly, because Stolas isn't ready to see that he has Blitz. Secondly, because it is now Blitz's turn to give comfort without needing to receive it in exchange.
And, if we take a look at the whole song, the reason it doesn't work for the scene is because it doesn't meet Stolas where he's at. The song says, "yes, you're sad, but—" and shifts to optimism. It doesn't fully allow Stolas to simply not be okay. To not be there yet. It doesn't fully allow his depression to just suck. The feelings of sadness and overwhelmingness are shadowed by a positivity and hope that belong to Blitz, and not Stolas.
Let's now take a look at Day By Day, and at which ideas from the original song were kept, which ones were changed, how, and why it works:
youtube
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
You take it day by day
You got everything that you had thought you wanted
But you still feel so blue
And you don't know what to do
Right off the bat, the lyrics are very similar in tone to the ones at the beginning of Stolitz Montage. Once again, a lyrical voice in the second person describes Stolas' emotional state: he's blue (sad), he's taking it day by day.
But there's already a change. "You have everything you thought you wanted, but you still feel so blue".
The fact that Stolas had always wanted a life with Blitz is something the previous song doesn't touch on whatsoever. And it matters, because "what Stolas thought he wanted" is a central part of his arc in the episode. It comes back during his breakdown at the office: "and I did it for what?! These stupid, foolish fantasies?" And it comes back again when Blitz saves him from Andrealphus, and when Blitz dances with him and their eyes meet afterwards.
As stated above, this is the episode where it dawns on Stolas that he has Blitz. But he isn't there yet at the beginning of the episode, and so he still believes what he and Blitz had was just a fantasy of his. And because he's never had anything with Blitz that wasn't a fantasy, because fantasy is all he knows, he doesn't immediately know what to do with the real thing. With the domesticity, and the errands. He doesn't recognise the signs Blitz is sending his way that he's got Blitz to lean on.
These two lines are also important because they bring forth another aspect of depression that the previous song doesn't: that love doesn't cure depression, or make it magically go away. That going cold turkey on your meds and having a massive depressive episode is going to suck no matter how many good things you have in this life, because depression is a biological process, not a state of mind. Depression takes away your ability to find joy in things that used to bring you it. It takes away your feelings, your energy, your strength.
Notice that Stolas doesn't seem apathetic or hollow inside on the night of the trial and the morning after. Yes, he's had his title and power stripped, he's been physically assaulted in the street, and yes, he's worried about Octavia. Obviously, he shows signs of being dissociated, and he's exhausted. But, emotionally, he's still hanging on. He still thanks Blitz for everything, and he talks to Blitz in the morning, and smiles when Blitz offers to get him rats. Before the effects of going cold turkey on his meds start to kick in, he's grateful to be around Blitz.
It's during the montage, as the days go by, that he starts feeling blue. Because depression is very quickly taking away the joy he found in Blitz's company.
And that's why, even in the first few lines, this song conveys Stolas' state of mind so much better than the previous one. Because while the message in Stolitz Montage was "yes, you're sad, but—", the message in Day By Day is "yes, you should be happy, but."
It lets the sad win over the happy. It lets depression take Stolas down with it, it lets him feel helpless and lost. "You still feel so blue, and you don't know what to do."
The song continues:
You're sitting at the end of the rainbow, but the pain grows
And you can't help let the strain show
'Cause what else are you to do?
These lines emphasise the ideas presented in the previous ones: that Stolas should be happy, but he isn't. That the pain that has planted itself in Stolas is growing. So much so that he can't help but let it show.
Stolas' helplessness, his slow descent into misery, are given the room to exist. Everything around him seems fine, but he's not fine. And he's not told that it's okay to not be fine. Because this is Stolas' emotional state we're exploring, and for him, it's not okay to not be fine right now. He's too busy going through the motions to grant himself that kind of mercy.
The song finishes:
Keep it calm, life goes on, and on, and on
Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong
So why do I still feel this way?
Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh
You take it day by day
And, much like in the previous song, we get a small hint of what could be interpreted either as advice/reassurance from the lyrical voice, or as Stolas actively telling himself to pretend to be okay. "keep it calm, life goes on, nothing's wrong". In this case, though, I lean towards the latter interpretation for a very simple reason: the next line shifts to first person. "So why do I still feel this way?"
And that's the thing: once again, the hope and calm he's trying to make himself feel are immediately overpowered by his feelings of sadness. Once again, it's the sadness that wins over, and not the happiness. His depression is given room to drag him down, take him slowly towards rock bottom.
And once again, the last line—at least the last one before the chorus is repeated—is used to drive home the message of the song. But this time, the message is that, despite it all, despite having what he wanted, despite sitting at the end of the rainbow, despite trying to convince himself he's okay, he still feels sad. Because that's what depression does. No matter how many good things you have in your life, it drags you down.
And that message, in that last line, is delivered in the form of a question. "Why do I still feel this way?" This matters for two reasons. The first one is that it shows that Stolas isn't (fully) aware of what's happening to him. He obviously knows he needs his meds, he knows he should be taking them. We see him reach out for them. But he is also living his emotions, and not just experiencing them from the outside. And as the emotions take over, he loses perspective of where they come from, too caught up in how they're drowning him.
The second reason this matters is because the song and the lyrical voice don't offer Stolas answers.
In Stolitz Montage, Stolas gets an answer to his struggle: that, ultimately, [Blitz and Stolas] still got each other.
But in Day By Day, all Stolas gets are questions. What else are you to do? Why do I still feel this way?
Day By Day meets Stolas where he's at during the days leading up to Sinsmas after the trial. It allows for these questions to exist without an answer; it lets the answers come later in the episode. It lets his journey through the episode play out, allowing him to learn that he has Blitz, that he needs his meds, and that he has to be okay with the fact that things are not okay.
By the end of the episode, he can acknowledge that he made his choices and has to deal with the consequences. He starts to understand Blitz is by his side, willing to help him through this. That his relationship with Blitz might not feel like he thought it would, because he's too mentally ill and heart-broken to be there—but that they still have each other, they still love each other, and they'll be okay.
But during the montage, he's not there yet, and it wouldn't make sense for the song to be there, either.
So, yes, as cute and optimistic as Stolitz Montage is, and as glad as I am they released it anyways for us to enjoy, I believe the writers made the right decision by scrapping it for the episode.
If you read this far, thank you for your time! Please treat yourself to a glass of water for me, and feel free to share your thoughts ❤️
#helluva boss#helluva boss meta#helluva boss sinsmas#stolitz#Blitzwhore meta#This post took so long to write but I'm so proud of it#stolas helluva boss#Depression tw
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the great british fake-off | xmh
you thought the guy in the hawaiian-print shirt who seems physically incapable of being quiet would be the most annoying person here, so imagine your shock when it's xu minghao, who has seemingly decided you're the enemy and keeps sabotaging you. a baking competition for charity might have others on their best behavior, but what's a little sugar without some spice?
❆ pairing: minghao x reader ❆ genre: great british bake-off, holiday au; crack, fluff ❆ wordcount: 5.5k ❆ rating: e for everyone ❆ warnings: some swearing, minghao is a saboteur, idiots abound. ❆ credits: this netflix psd template for the banner. this recipe for the yule log; this recipe for the gingerbread house; and this recipe for the entremet. divider from here. this post for the divider. this was roughly edited by me, so any and all mistakes are my own. ❆ written for: the winter with you collab hosted by @camandemstudios. thank you for letting me participate! please make sure to check out the rest of the stories as they're posted. ♡ ❆ author's note: i had this rotting away in my wips since literally 2021, so even though it started as a completely different story, i'm so glad it's finally seeing the light of day even if it's not what i originally intended. (also, i know the banner says 12 contestants but the holiday specials only had a couple, okay. i forgot when i made it and i wasn't going back to fix it.)
The obnoxious one is wearing an aloha-print shirt.
He’s also extremely loud, his raucous, fake laughter filling every corner of the large warehouse you’ve been assigned to for filming. Makes a show of batting his eyelashes, throwing his head back every time someone cracks a joke that’s not even funny, comes up with nonsensical nicknames for the entire crew just to suck up to them.
“John Davies? Mind if I call you Joe?”
Joe doesn’t even make sense as a nickname for John, but John fucking loves it, apparently. Looks at the annoying guy like he just watched him string the stars in the sky.
But it’s the shirt—god, the shirt drives you absolutely crazy. He’s about to go on national television, be a household name, and some ill-fitting, charity shop Hawaiian print shirt is what he woke up and chose to wear. What’s his angle here? Appeal to the public with some sob story about only being able to afford second-hand clothes so that’s why he’s competing? Needs the money to care for a sick relative?
(The expensive watch on his wrist and his limited-drop sneakers tell an entirely different story, but you’re keeping that to yourself for now. No reason to play your hand so early.)
As much as you hate the shirt, you have to admit it suits him. The colors are garish and unsightly, just as obnoxious as he is, and you can’t stare at it too long because you start going cross-eyed. Looking at him feels about the same as stuffing your mouth with a bunch of sour candies: you get that same burn in the back of your jaw, same scrunched-up, grossed-out look on your face; have to squeeze your eyes shut to blink back tears.
You don’t even know his name, but you hate him immediately.
Your eyes scan the other contestants. None of them inspire the same level of animosity within you as the annoying one does; all of them nearly unremarkable. A variety of ages, appearances, backgrounds. You hear one say they’re a retired investment banker. There’s an accountant, a teacher, a fucking aerospace engineer.
And then it’s his turn to introduce himself. He clears his throat, speaks with an easy, practiced confidence. Completely void of nerves. Makes eye contact with everyone in your conversation circle. Gesticulates wildly as he speaks, immediately endears everyone to him.
“I’m Tim,” he says, and you nearly recoil at how honeyed his voice is. “But you can call me Tim. I’m thirty-eight, originally from a small town. Work as a…”
You can barely stand to listen to it anymore, each “Nice to meet you, Tim!” like another punch to the gut. How can’t these people see right through him? How are they falling for his bullshit? You should’ve known. Producers always throw in at least one bomb to up the ratings—a secret millionaire, someone rude and confrontational, a flat-earther. Even if you’re competing in a charity baking competition, of all things, it’s still reality television at the end of the day.
Just because the bunch of you are going to spend the next few days creating confections out of sugar, spice, and everything nice, doesn’t mean you have to be part of that ‘everything.’
Tim thinks he’s got this in the bag. Thinks he’s going to show up and win easily, the rest of you be damned, and even if you are typically a very nice person, you’re also highly competitive. There’ll be no rolling over done by you, and if Tim wants to play dirty—
Game on.
As you introduce yourself, you feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of your head. Probably because you don’t bother with the faux-humility the rest of the contestants have. Polite and charming but firm, just the way your mother had taught you. You’re not boisterous, don’t crack silly jokes to play up to the cameras the way Tim loves to do, and you know he’s scrutinizing you the way you’d done to him, trying to figure out your angle.
Well, joke’s on him—you don’t need one.
And you really, really hope it drives him crazy.
Except maybe the joke is on you, too, because you don’t account for Xu Minghao.
In true reality television fashion, the tent is boiling hot.
As if the universe itself had looked down on all of you and decided what you all needed was a heatwave uncharacteristic of this time of year, just to up the ante. Not even ten minutes in the tent and you’re all fanning yourselves and wafting air up your shirts. Which is great, really, because it isn’t like you need to use ovens or stand over hot burners. It’s not like you aren’t going to be soaking through your clothes with anxiety sweats, either! Sweat dripping off your brow into your eyes won’t matter because you don’t need to use them.
Everything’s going to be fine!
But everything is not fine. Not only has the universe gifted you with sweltering heat, it’s given you the work station directly next to Tim’s. You’ll have to feel his annoying, off-putting aura near you for the entire competition. There’s always the possibility of him bungling it and making an early exit, but you know that’s unlikely. Obnoxious he may be, you also know a strong opponent when you see one, and something tells you you’re going to be stuck with him for the long haul.
Think of the cats, you tell yourself. All of this is for the cats.
It’s not like you never would’ve returned here of your own volition. No, your first go-round with feel-good, competition-based reality television had gone fine. You hadn’t won, of course, because you wouldn’t be here again if you had, but you placed respectably in the top three. Became a fan favorite, too, which was arguably more lucrative than winning. People make a living on social media these days.
So, it’s not the competition itself that has you white-knuckled gripping onto the edge of your station. It’s the man at the one beside you, cracking all these stupid jokes about the weather and how it’s a horrible day for tempering chocolate, so he bets that’s going to be the first challenge!
You suck in a deep breath. Try to remember the breathing exercises from that one yoga class your sister had dragged you to. It had been about the same temperature then, too—well duh, it’s hot yoga, your sister had said, which was news to you, because you never would’ve signed up for something called hot yoga willingly. Still, you endured it, just like you’ll endure this, and a little sweat is not going to get in the way of you delivering a check to all those poor, sad cats without families.
“Psst, hey,” you hear from behind you. When you turn, a man is smirking at you as he finishes tying his apron around his waist—has to wrap the strings around twice, you notice, because only someone hand-picked by the gods themselves would have that shoulder-to-waist ratio.
You don’t really recognize him. Can’t recall his name or where he’s from; can’t remember what he mentioned doing for a living. Probably something artsy, if you had to guess—he definitely has the style and demeanor of a creative, with his trendy shag-mullet and the multicolored, glitter-y snowflakes decorating his nails.
You aren’t sure he introduced himself at all, but the confidence with which he holds himself—easy, like it’d take a national emergency to rattle him even a little—implies he doesn’t really have to. Most of the people here already know him, if you had to guess, and he gives the impression that he’s not fussed with impressing any of them.
If only Tim was so inclined.
You clear your throat, vaguely aware you need to respond. “Yeah?”
“Are you nervous?”
“Ah, I don’t think so? We’ve done this before, after all. We should be seasoned veterans by now.”
He smirks. “Should be,” he emphasizes. “Feels different when it’s for charity. Extra serious, you know?”
“Right,” you agree, taking a look around the tent. “Anything for the cats.”
There’s an immediate shift in the atmosphere. What was friendly and carefree is now tense; where a smile and a floral giggle sat on the man’s lips has been replaced with a crooked scowl. And it doesn’t make sense, all you’d done was agree with what he said, but then the producers are yelling something at the front of the tent, cameramen are rushing to their equipment, and a woman appears at your side and starts clipping equipment to your clothes, and there’s no time to question it. On your right, Tim’s laughing and joking around with some crew members like they’re old drinking buddies. It drives you nuts, has annoyance pricking at your skin, flushing your cheeks—
So much so that the woman at your side leans in and asks, “Should I get hair and makeup over here?”
“I—no, it’s fine.”
The unnecessary members of the production team scatter away after a loud countdown. Hair and makeup don’t come to wipe the sweat tracks from your skin. You already know Man Behind You is standing there looking perfect because he’s equally as attractive as he is mysterious. God truly has favorites, and this guy somehow made the top five.
You stare down at the instructions in front of you, confident in your ability to read but not so confident in your ability to make sense of any of it. And it’s your own recipe, which is the worst part. You’d typed this recipe yourself. These are your hand-written notes in the margins. You’ve conceptualized, tweaked, baked, and eaten this recipe more times than you can count, and now all you can do is thousand-yard-stare into the ether.
In the time since you were on the show, you’d somehow forgotten about the chaos. Not unlike that hormone women have that makes them forget about the pain and agony of childbirth, you reckon.
In addition to being one of the most bothersome people in history, Tim apparently doubles as a prophet.
Because it is a terrible day to temper chocolate, and you’ve got a bûche de Noël on the horizon that requires you to do so. You can pivot, maybe make some kind of buttercream, but a basic chocolate buttercream is not going to win you a world-renowned baking competition even if it is Swiss meringue. A child could make that.
You sigh. Push that wave of panic to the back of your mind. In a setting like this, you have approximately ten seconds to come up with a back-up plan and execute it and you wasted your time thinking, so you’re just going to have to temper the stupid chocolate and stick to your original plan. God, you have a headache.
But the show must go on, so you do too.
Step 1: Preheat the oven.
Easy enough. If nothing else, you can preheat an oven.
Step 2: Make the sponge.
Not as easy, but you’ve made so many sponge cakes throughout your life you could probably do it in your sleep. Whisk attachment on the stand mixer. Four eggs. Sugar meticulously weighed and added to the bowl. Sugar and eggs whisked together until the mixture is the color and consistency you’re looking for. Flour, cocoa powder, and salt sifted in. Metal spoon to fold it all together as delicately as possible. You won’t have a sponge cake if you beat all the air out of it, now will you?
“Good enough,” you mutter to yourself, staring down at the bowl.
At least you’d had the foresight to grease and line your baking tray, because the entire entourage arrives at your station just as you’re meant to be pouring the batter into it and sticking it in the oven.
“Ah, we meet again,” the group choruses, genuine smiles peeking through as if you’re old friends separated only by time and distance.
That’s the weird thing about being on television. For as long as you’re able, you exist within a microcosm of daily life. A world exists outside of your bubble, you know, but you don’t see much proof of it. All of your meals are eaten together; all of your conversations are had with one another. You share temporary living quarters and oftentimes too much of yourselves, and you’re thankful the show encourages teamwork and kindness because that’s the kind of thing that can grow sour if you leave it unchecked too long.
And then it just—ends.
Bubble burst, you all go back to your regular lives. You look back on that time fondly, but the friendships are thinned out by time and distance. Eventually it all starts to feel like a dream, except every now and then something breaks through the haze to remind you it actually happened: a stranger recognizing you at the store, a message on social media, the casting team contacting you to ask if you’d be interested in competing in a holiday special for charity.
“We certainly do,” you retort, smile matching everyone else’s.
All things considered, you are happy to be back. Even if the tent is crowded and far too warm, the atmosphere is unmatched, especially when it’s decorated for the holidays.
“What are you working on?”
You explain the general workings of your yule log: chocolate sponge, hazelnut liqueur cream filling, and chocolate icing to top it off. You aren’t sure how you’re going to decorate it yet—you’ll figure it out once you get there, depending on how much time you have—but you guarantee them it’ll look festive and professional.
Satisfied with your plan, they wish you luck and move on to the man behind you. It’s so great to see you again, Minghao, someone says, and you’re grateful they’ve spared you the embarrassment of having to ask for his name. It still doesn’t ring a bell, and you can’t recall what season he’d been on for the life of you, but he speaks with a patience and a gentleness that is so unlike Tim that you nearly drop to the floor in thanks.
But as the commotion of the tent reminds you, you don’t have time to waste thinking about Minghao. You’ve only been given an hour for your signature, and you’re going to need all sixty of those minutes if you have any hopes of presenting a finished product.
It doesn’t register at first.
It doesn’t register at second or third, either.
In fact, you’re sure you’re hallucinating when you open the oven door to pop the sponge inside and you aren’t hit with a blast of hot air. Room temperature. Perhaps a bit on the cooler side, if you’re being honest.
And that can’t be, because you know you preheat your oven. It was the first thing you did, because it’s always the first thing you do. It’s just… automatic, like opening your mouth to eat or washing between your toes in the shower. Instinctual. Not something that needs to even be considered, because it’s always the first thing you do.
No, this cannot be. Forgetting to preheat the oven is a rookie mistake and you’re not a rookie.
…Could it be?
Perhaps you were so caught up in the lights and buzz, the thrill of returning to the tent, that it had slipped your mind? Perhaps you’d pressed the wrong buttons and turned the wrong dials? While it’s not likely you’d somehow bumped into the oven and turned it off, nothing is impossible, so… maybe?
“Shit,” you hiss through your teeth. The producers are not going to be happy about your swearing. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“Everything okay up there?” Minghao asks from behind you. When you turn, he’s got a flour-dusted towel thrown over his shoulder as he nurses a cup of tea, and his composure in the face of your hysteria has your head spinning.
Your mouth opens and closes like a goldfish. Minghao is drinking tea without a care in the world and your oven isn’t even halfway to the temperature you need. “I—yes? No? I don’t know. I could’ve sworn I preheated the oven, but—”
“Don’t panic,” he offers, his top lip catching on the rim of his mug. “You got this. Work on something else while you wait.”
Something else. Right, you can work on something else. Both the filling and the frosting still have to be made, and quick mental math tells you there should just be enough time to get everything done if you’re efficient. Of course, that’s a big if, but that’s why you’d chosen a yule log, after all: sponge cake doesn’t need that long to bake, and anything can happen (and go wrong) in this tent.
So, you get to work on something else. Measure out a sheet of parchment paper, dust it with cocoa powder, and set it to the side. Decide to get to work on the frosting, because if one thing has already gone wrong, you don’t trust the universe to let you temper chocolate correctly.
The chocolate is halfway melted when the oven dings. A small harrumph of victory and you’re finally good to go, setting a timer for twelve minutes. Minghao offers you a discreet thumbs-up, fingers covered in something sticky you assume is marzipan.
Time flies after that. You get both the frosting and your filling made, and it’s only through divine intervention that your sponge cake comes out perfectly and with enough time to score and cool. When you dare a look around the room, everyone seems to be in a similar position as you: frazzled and covered in powdered sugar, making frantic trips to and from the refrigerators, chucking seized-up caramel into the trash and starting over for the third time with a pained expression.
A holiday special—it was supposed to be more laid-back, more for the vibes and festivity than actual competition, but it looks to you like everyone’s taking it just as seriously as your first go-rounds.
“Fifteen minutes!” someone calls, and your competitors fade out of focus. You’ve got a yule log to ice and fondant to roll out.
You make it by the skin of your teeth.
It isn’t perfect, of course, as few things on this show ever are, but it’s more than acceptable. It looks great and tastes even better which is all you can hope for. Much to your dismay, Tim also gets top marks, but it’s Minghao that shocks you all. His stollen wreath earns him a handshake and a lot of clandestine, private glares, but he’d been kind to you earlier, helped untangle that knot of pandemonium, so you return the thumbs-up he’d given you earlier with a smile that feels akin to getting away with murder.
Something is wrong.
On its own, this is not necessarily surprising. Gingerbread, tasked with bearing the weight of an entire house, can be fickle. On any other day you wouldn’t blame it if it wanted to rebel and go sideways, but the thing is—you’ve made gingerbread before. Tons of times. Another thing you could probably make in your sleep if you absolutely had to. So it doesn’t make sense when you look down in your mixing bowl and it just… doesn’t look right.
You tell yourself it’ll get better when you knead it. Maybe the color just looks off because it’s underworked, and a few good punches will set it straight.
But it doesn’t. The dough sits at your station like a sad, formless lump, giving you no indication it intends to become anything at all. Which is, admittedly, a problem. Your technical challenge is to build a gingerbread house—one complete with little windows and golden-toned nightlights, a scalloped roof dusted with powdered sugar to look like fresh snow, a working door!—and you’re far from an engineer, but you don’t think you can have a gingerbread house without gingerbread.
You sneak a peek at Tim’s station, where he’s well into measuring an immaculate-looking dough with a ruler. The contestant in front of you is in a similar place, too, so it’s with an oh fuck I’m doomed sigh that you turn around and hope to find a comrade in Minghao again.
“Hey,” you whisper, trying not to draw attention to yourself. “Does this look right to you?” You jerk a thumb in the direction of your dough-lump. Minghao, bless him, looks around you and tries his best to hide his grimace.
He does not succeed.
“Um. Well, no.”
You sigh. Place one flour-dusted hand on your waist and pinch the bridge of your nose with the other. “I can’t figure out what’s wrong with it. I’ve made gingerbread a million times.”
“Looks pale,” he offers. Of course, this is the exact moment he dumps his own dough—his beautiful dough, flawless chestnut brown—onto his station to knead it. “Was the sugar right?”
A strangled, disbelieving laugh escapes you. Was the sugar right—of course the sugar was right! Dark muscovado sugar. Everyone knows that's what you use for gingerbread, so of course the sugar was right because no one, both in their right mind and at this stage of competition, would use anything else.
Before you can respond, Minghao’s pointing at your jar of sugar. Your jar of pale, producer-supplied sugar, which even a blind person could tell does not resemble dark muscovado sugar.
A million thoughts race through your head at once, but it boils down to instinct, you think. Your brain had seen flour, butter, and sugar and went into baking mode, not stopping to take in the color of anything. Maybe a smarter, more perceptive person would put two and two together and get sabotage, but you don’t have enough time to play detective.
“Here, here,” Minghao says, hurriedly handing over his (correct) sugar. “It’ll be close, but you should have just enough time to redo the dough.”
You’re going to throw up.
In the end, a chunk of chocolate buttons is missing from the roof and the piping around the edges is far from your neatest work, but it’s passable. You already lamented your loss during the signature bake, because anything less than perfection was not going to win you much of anything, and you’re now 0-for-2 on showstopping, unbelievable, awe-inspiring confections.
Just like the devil, your fall from grace will be studied.
Overthinking isn’t going to get you anywhere, but you can’t help it.
You collapse sideways into a chair, immediately face-planting into the catering table. Everyone else buzzes around you—animated conversations that have your head spinning, words that jumble together and start to sound like nothing at all—but you’re a million miles away. One mistake is out of character for you, but two? It’s unheard of. Something you would’ve said was impossible if it didn’t happen to you just a few hours ago.
This is something you need to file away for later so you can think about it just as you’re about to fall asleep, horror and embarrassment there to keep you company when it keeps you awake until the wee hours of the morning.
A chill runs down your spine.
“Hi. Do you mind?” You startle. Bang your knee on the underside of the table. “Sorry,” Minghao apologizes, but he doesn’t look sorry at all. You shake your head. Gesture to the empty seat across from you as if to say it’s all yours. “I brought you some tea,” he continues, setting it in front of you. “I find it’s easier than coffee when you don’t know how someone takes theirs. Less chance of getting it wrong.”
You smile. Wrap your hands around the Styrofoam cup and delight in the warmth. “Thank you. This was very kind of you.”
“Seemed like you had a rough day.”
Groaning, you try to wave away his words. “Please don’t speak of it.” Minghao jokingly salutes you before miming his lips sealed. “Anyway. Let’s talk about something that is not reality television or baking or a reality baking competition.”
So, you do. Most of the talking comes from you, to be fair, but Minghao is a good listener: nods along, chimes in when appropriate, keeps the spit in his mouth where it belongs. You talk about your hometown and what made you apply for the show the first time. He tells you about growing up in Haicheng and all the things he grew up baking with his mother. You swap stories from your respective seasons; Minghao shares anecdotes with a straight face that have you clutching at your stomach.
Hours pass this way, and you end the night feeling like you’ve made an honest-to-god friend.
Xu Minghao ends the night feeling the guilt weigh him down like an albatross.
In retrospect, it is probably a bad idea to make another sponge, but no one can accuse you of learning from your mistakes.
“It’ll be a patterned joconde sponge with two mousse layers—chocolate and raspberry—and a raspberry jelly. Then I’m going to attempt to top it with chocolate and raspberry decorations.” The judges blink. Are you sure that’s a good idea? you know they want to ask, but this is a holiday competition for charity, so they’re trying not to be pessimists. “Anything is possible through holiday cheer,” you tack on, hoping your smile doesn’t look crazed.
They nod. “Right, right,” they say in unison. “Well, good luck!”
And then they’re off.
Determined to nail this, you triple-check your oven, which is preheating to a crisp 400 degrees; you double-check all your ingredients and confirm they’re correct; when you can spare the time, you watch your refrigerator like a hawk, making sure no one tries to sneak their own work in there and displace yours when you aren’t looking, but everyone’s engrossed in their respective showstoppers.
Tim’s planning a shadow box of sorts, with blown-sugar baubles and isomalt fire. Someone else is stressing over their three-tiered cake, asking the presenter if they think they’ve taken on too much. From what you can piece together, Minghao is making a three-dimensional house, also made from cake that he imported special pistachios for.
“Special pistachios?”
“Mm, from Iran. They have a better color.”
“Iranian pistachios! Can you believe it!”
But you don’t have time to worry about Minghao and his special Iranian pistachios. You have so much to do and not enough time to complete it. Your paste is in the freezer and the sponge is in the oven, but you’ve still got two mousses to make, a jelly to infuse, and little chocolate trees to create—and all of this wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t pointless, but you don’t want to disappoint the cats by half-assing it. They deserve your whole ass, and your whole ass is what they’re going to get.
The result is stunning—not necessarily in stature, but rather craftsmanship and effort. This is what you’re capable of. This is why you came back to the tent. For all your complaining and wanting to put your head through a concrete wall, there’s nothing like seeing the judges ooh and ahh when you present your work to them. There’s nothing like the ego boost of someone taking a bite and watching their eyes light up. There’s nothing like carrying your cake back to your station feeling proud of yourself.
“Great job,” Minghao says, a genuine smile stretched across his face. He also exceeds expectations, of course. Must be those special pistachios, you think, but your congratulations are also sincere.
Production makes a spectacle of judging, much like they always do.
The set is decorated to look like a winter wonderland, even though you’re still in the midst of autumn: a giant Christmas tree in the center decked to the nines with garland and baubles; warm, golden bulbs strung from every awning they could find; all the participants bundled up tight in festive sweaters and scarves all the way to your chins, cheeks and tips of noses dusted with red-pink blush to mimic the cold that’s nowhere to be found. Fake snow falls from the sky, and it doesn’t feel real, but it does feel magical.
One of the hosts catches you by the elbow, asks who you think is going to win. “Oh, I’d have to say Minghao,” you answer, because you’d rather die than give Tim the satisfaction. “His showstopper was incredible, but he was really great the whole competition.”
In the end, however, neither of them wins—it’s Jeon Wonwoo, three-tiered cake guy, who comes out of nowhere to claim first place. He’s bashful as he accepts his prize and says he’s going to donate the prize money to an organization that provides underprivileged kids with video game equipment. No one has a whole lot to say about that.
Once most of the hubbub dies down (and you give Tim a half-assed you did great, so sorry you didn’t win), you find Minghao near the refreshments table. He’s frowning around another mug of tea. “Alright?” you ask, helping yourself to some cider.
“For some reason, I’m no longer feeling very festive,” he replies, which is a very funny thing to say while wearing a hat with a little pom-pom on the top.
You roll your lips to keep from laughing. Sidle in a little closer and knock his shoulder with your own. “Ah, I know how you feel, but you really did do great. You were my pick to win, for what it’s worth.”
“Please don’t tell me that. It only makes me feel worse for losing.”
“Yeah.” You sigh. “Would’ve been nice to donate some money to the cats, but shit, if I didn’t know better, I would’ve sworn some dark force was sabotaging me. Like, come on—forgetting to preheat the oven? Using the wrong sugar? Not even a kid would’ve made those mistakes.”
Two things happen in rapid succession: beside you, Minghao goes very, very stiff, and you realize you had been sabotaged. And not by some dark, evil force, either. You were sabotaged by the very man standing beside you—the man you shared thumbs-up with and thought was your friend. The man whose cake you complimented and picked to win. The man who is now standing ramrod straight, as tense as a corpse, and the thought of sabotaging someone in a charity baking competition is so ridiculous and unbelievable that you just—
You just laugh.
At first, it’s a bark of stunned laughter. Then, the more it sinks in how absurd, how nonsensical all of this is, you can’t stop. Tears are rolling down your cheeks. You gasp for breath as your stomach begins to ache. People are staring, including Minghao, who sort of can’t believe what he’s seeing, but none of it does anything to deter you.
“Oh my god,” you wheeze, “I can’t believe it was you—”
Minghao groans. “In my defense, it was for the cats!”
This was not the answer you were expecting. It makes you laugh harder. “What do you mean it was for the cats?”
He swallows. Removes the mitten from one hand to run it through his hair as if that one tic was enough to distract you from everything that’s happened in the last sixty seconds. (It is.) “Listen, you told me you were going to donate the money to a cat charity if you won and I just—so was I, was the thing. I was also going to donate the money to a cat charity if I won—”
“Okay, but which one, though?”
“The Cat’s Paw-jamas.” Much to Minghao’s horror, this sets you off again. “What? What’s so funny?”
“Minghao,” you try to choke out, but you can barely breathe around the cramp in your stomach. “Minghao, that’s the charity I was going to donate to. Oh my god, you sabotaged me and I was going to donate to—to the same fucking place. Jesus Christ, this is some Gift of the Magi shit.”
Your saboteur, who has gone deathly pale, is quiet for a very long time. Every now and then he’ll open his mouth like he’s going to say something before it snaps shut again. When he does manage to speak, what comes out are mangled apologies that sound like gibberish, and you wave all of them away. “It’s water under the bridge.”
“I—I really don’t think it should be?”
“Minghao, it’s fine, trust me, this was just for fun—”
“No, I really insist.”
You sigh, good-natured and exasperated. Something about the fake snow has you feeling romantic and a little bold, so you turn, grab him by the lapels of his coat. “Please tell me if I’m misreading this, but if you insist, maybe you can start by taking me to dinner…?”
This was clearly not what MInghao was expecting you to say. Dazed, he recovers quickly, the corners of his mouth tugging upward in a half-smirk. “Dinner, hm?” You nod. “I think I can manage that.”
You smile. “Great. How do you feel about cat cafes?”
#winterwithyoucollab#minghao x reader#seventeen x reader#minghao fluff#seventeen imagines#minghao imagines#seventeen fluff
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HEY SO- AHHHH
CHAT IM SO COOKED.
I need to calm down. So anyway- now that I’ve freaked out a bit, I’ll explain to you why I’ve been spooked in the first place.
As you all know, I am OBSESSED with Arcane. I love absolutely everything about it! I’m particularly fixated on Jayvik cause omg cute✨
It is genuinely one of the most wholesome ships I’ve ever seen :,)
But anyway, I also do some lore digging. Anything to do with Jayce and Viktor, I KNOW IT. Ik the sweetmilk lore, ik about Giopara (hate him btw but his lack of potential with arcane Viktor makes me laugh lol), Ik it all! It just so happens that almost my entire family also likes arcane but they are indeed normal about it and the interest subsided after about a month. MINE SURE FUCKING DIDNT- (side note: I think I might have adhd and I’m pretty sure that I’m hyper fixating but no diagnosis so take that w/ a pinch of salt)
Anyway, I was talking to my dad about league right and he said he thought the game wasn’t supposed to be fleshed out, character wise. I then say that it actually does have a fair bit of background lore for the characters! (Cause, you know, I’ve read both Jayce and Viktors entire in game history). But then- oh but then….i start getting anxious. The only characters I’ve mentioned are Jayce and Viktor. WHAT IF MY DAD KNOWS I LIKE A GAY SHIP??? HES NOT EVEN A HOMOPHOBE!???? Idk why but I start sweating and getting jittery because I think that my dad can see right through me and now thinks I’m a freak. And you see, this is why I can’t explain that in League lore, Viktor gets kicked from the academy AND ITS JAYCES FAULT! (Hence why I do not like Giopara. He’s kinda a prick.) But ya- does anyone ever get really socially anxious when talking about even just the surface level of their hyper fixation? Cause I do. I think they want me to shut and and are gonna throw me in the ward or some shit- my mind tells me fun things :,)
On a much lighter note, Jayce TALIS is a sweetie and I love him. Viktor eats in both the game & the show❤️
Omg- League Jayce with arcane Viktor and arcane Jayce with league Viktor would be CATASTROPHIC LOL.
If you’ve read this entire rant, you are such a trooper, luv u pookie✨🫶❤️
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Vaggie and alastor are confusing characters. Alastor is the showrunners favorite so she tried to shove in scenes of him being cool and scary, when he’s just an insecure manlet that gets into fights with men who are more alpha than him, and surprise they always knock them down and trolls women (Charlie and Vaggie) because that’s the only way he feels powerful
Vaggie could’ve been an interesting character, a fallen angel who seen how unfair and cruel heaven is too sinners but still believes there is good in them and they deserves a second chance, but also feels guilty and hates herself for killing so many in the past. Nah she’s just an empty husk that extremely codependent on her gf and her flaw is she doesn’t trust or love Charlie enough. Also her name actually is vagina and was named by Adam, whose just Andrew Tate and instead of changing it she keeps it. Vaggie being reveals as an angel goes nowhere and is just resolved in one episode. Charlie is mad vaggie lied about being an angel, instead of the fact vaggie has killed “her people” for years, threaten to tell sera and everyone about the extermination, if they didn’t give charlie a chance to prove the hotel can work, she could’ve helped in the trial but chose not too. Carmilla and Lucifer didn’t need to be in S1 because everything they do could’ve been done by Vaggie and it would’ve given her the depth she desperately needs. Knows all the angels weakness, knows about the hierarchy in heaven, what are the rules in heaven, but she doesn’t know anything and looks like an idiot because of it. Even when they go to heaven Vaggie just doesn’t care, you’d think she’s be conflicted about returning home but just nothing, this is what I mean when I say vaggie is an empty husk.
Given what's been revealed about Alastor in the leaks... I can't even deny this. He had so much potential to be such a morally grey character that keeps you on your toes as to what he's gonna do next, only for him to turn into egotistic prick like everyone else in this show.
And as for Vaggie, all of fucking this.
And the worst part is that she ALREADY had a bit of a background planned. She was originally died in 2014 in her early 20s, and she was originally gonna be paired up with Angel. Honestly that woud've been way better than what we got in the actual show.
And I'm sure there are ways to make the plot of Vaggie being an angel work, but personally it just doesn't work for me. Because the twist literally added nothing, it didn't challenge Vaggie or Charlie in any meaningful way, it didn't bring anything new in terms of lore or character building, it's just accepted as easy as that.
And it just makes you ask "What was the point?"
#hazbin hotel critical#anti vivzipop#vivziepop critical#anti vivziepop#vaggie critical#alastor deserves better
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I KNOW THIS POST IS A JOKE
https://x.com/strike_dr/status/1876821001889075296?s=46&t=FcoVShSsnYmEcygKTqiuBQ
But goddamn i didn’t realize how much commies hated America and generalized everyone in it. And I do get it to extent but cmon be a little realistic as much as either country doesn’t really like us atm I don’t think they’re going to just … do that.
Majority Americans from what I’ve seen don’t want us to annex these guys either!! I mean for fucks sakes Mexico sent up some their firefighters and I think Canada sent help as well for the LA fires!
Also what would the combine take over of Canada and Mexico do for them? Yeah it gets rid of America but once it’s gone wouldn’t their next target be either of these countries??? (I would think particularly Canada since I think one of their heads is trying to be a mini trump) Or was the goal just death to America bc either country is sooo much better in comparison.
The reflexive anti-Americanism is so exhausting, I'm just done with it. I'm not going to hate myself for being American. I'm not going to pretend America isn't a country with a lot of people from many different backgrounds living in it, people whose lives matter. It's not an abstract concept. I've made anti-America jokes and I'll probably continue to do so once in a while because sometimes they're funny and it's a nice counter to right wing hyperpatriotism but this kind humor is something I've outgrown. Other people have pointed this out but "America is the worst and most evil" is just another form of American exceptionalism. I have worked hard as an American raised in a culture obsessed with American exceptionalism to internalize America is just a country like any other country, some good, some bad, full of people. There are some qualifications to this because the US is uniquely powerful and also just unusually large and wealthy, but I think you know what I mean.
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jokes on you ganondorf, daphnes got the triforce while u were mocking a literal child lmao
(lyrics are from moana btw hehehe)
edit: ok fine, ganondorf can sing and dance about being shiny as a treat
#legend of zelda#loz wind waker#wind waker#wind waker spoilers#toon link#loz ww#ww link#also I hate backgrounds so much what the fuck#loz fanart#miry's art
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katara sees her brother and bff approaching something that can make them happy and says no interruptions
based on this photo from the live action cast
#my art#i learned SO MUCH about digital coloring while working on this. i can’t wait to try to put it to practice from the start and on purpose#instead of stumbling upon leagues of info when i was already 95% done lol#anyways#zukka#idc about tagging rn tbh i’m tired#fuck backgrounds dude#hate that shit#i need to do lighting studies fr tho#i can’t do interesting light i just. don’t have the knowledge#makes me sad cuz lighting really makes or breaks pieces it seems#also lol i started this then stopped for like two hours and just sketched katara a fuck ton#what i landed on here isn’t my favorite but i liked the soft + gently amused emotion she’s showing#ok whatever i’m done rambling#post
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so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell
#yes i read 'carry on' by rainbow rowell in middle school what else could you have possibly expected from me. anyway she gives me simon snow#vibes and not in a good way and she's even blonde while her british vampire boyfriend has dark dark hair and just. you will never be basil.#also i hate to be that guy but the writing has made me physically recoil and the acting almost reads as silly but mostly as middling :/ and#i wanted and expected more from matthew goode bc i really liked him in downton but i guess this is a 2018 bbc modern vampire fantasty serie#like i guess.#also there's SO much shit about bloodlines and maybe i'm gay with a blood disorder amd a family history of adoption but like. who fucking#careeessssssssss it ahould not be that serious. why is it that serious.#also the fantasy racism kind of reads like it's mesnt to be? homophobic adjacent? like there's a Lot of 'love who you love' talk going on#for the single most bland heterosexual relationship i've ever seen on a screen like there is so little chemistry? so little#anyway it's called 'a discovery of witches' and i'd recommend not watching it 🫶 or if you do then watch it on 1.5x speed#it's been decent background noise for knitting bc i kinda sorta care about the plot but if miss a chunk bc i'm in the lace chart zone i do#not care and i do not have to go back to catch it bc the writing is so transparent#there was another series it stole from that's escaping me atm but when i noticed it pissed me off a touch. hmm maybe it will come back to m#a post#do not watch this show#I REMEMBERED they wanted the juliette holding diana captive moment to be joaquin's 'i want to watch you fuck her' from sense8 SOOOOO BAD bu#it WASN'T bc they were too afraid to lean into anything that would make juliette interesting at all. for being all about the world's most#special blonde woman this show does not seem to like women very much. sad! well there's other shows#OH ALSO ALSO there are 3 magical 'creature' species which are witch + vampire + femon except the demons don't seem? to have any magical#abilities that humans don't have besides sensing the species of other creatures? like witches can cast spells and vampires do their various#vampire things but demons have nothing going for them except disproportionately high rates of homelessness and suicide?? like girl what are#we doingggggggg what are we doing here !! what's their deal why does no one care !! can they do anything or no !! god this show sucks
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Father-daughter duo, the two blond dogs, chasing criminals in the streets of Ankh Morpork. Is there anything better?
I fucking LOVE these books, they get me through a depressive slump once more!!!!
#eerie’s feelings#my art#discworld#gnu terry pratchett#angua von uberwald#samuel vimes#vimes#city watch#ankh morpork#discworld fanart#traditional art#I will most likely do this in color#but like#I really don’t wanna fuck it up#I love this image so much#Vimes and Angua duo FTW#there is way too little fanfics exploring their relationship#Also#featuring my own watch uniform design#Angua doesn’t wear chainmail bc it’s difficult enough to put on a breastplate#not even talking about a chainmail shirt#Vimes’ boots are falling apart#as they should be#I’d like to point out the Opera house building in the background#the helmets are what I imagine is standard issue#Angua wears sandals bc I hc that she hates the feeling of boots#despite the fact that I did not draw this#they both have hairy legs#it’ll show up in the colored Version#stay tuned
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ngl i think i kind of was a genius for being like 'yeah this character is a scary killyou cannibal scary killer who scary kills you' and then realizing that the way my worldbuilding works out is that there's a nonzero chance that if you leave literally any body parts over they can just come back, depending on what they believe in their heart of hearts can kill them. Of course she'd start eating her kills. She probably tried normal stuff first and then realized it didn't work and she had to try harder if she wanted to actually keep them dead.
#red rambles#im working on a character who i made up years and years ago and wasnt even happy with then because he didnt seem to have enough like#interior thoughts he was just like a guy who killed people when he was stressed and his life was constantly stressful and then he killed on#person too many and they were like 'this is fucking untenable and he has to die' and then they killed him#which is soooooooooo absolutely nothing honestly. Like it works as a barebones summary but i want to stress there was actually straight up#nothing else there. the entire rest of his whole whatnot was just being entangled with Haven who is a different character who at the time#ALSO felt unsatisfyingly lacking in interiority but at lesat he had really complex motivations and action flowcharts. that werent just 'i#get grumpy and i just go kill some random person with no regard for what the consequences will be and then i am so mean and i kill you'#now theres a lot more happening. i really didnt. like.#okay so i had a Backstory worked out but it was vague because i didnt know what the fuck he WANTEDDDDDDD right like. i had no motivations a#literally all except 'oohhh i kill people ooohhh i like killing people ooohhh im erratic i kill people' and the background i HAD was like.#Upper class scion of some rich family whose family honest to god just did not like him very much and also [gestures vaguely] i guess he#maybe kicked dogs or something and then he ??nebulous timeline meets haven and then kills his sister or kills his sister and very quickly#thereafter meets haven but i usually lean toward the former because haven LOVES convincing people to kill their whole families its like#cathartic for him because he would love to kill his entire family but physically cannot do it. but like kind of the implications of this#as far as i was concerned given this is set in the mid 1800s was like. ehhh he's getting away with this because he's rich white and male an#it pays to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions or w/e. a genderswap means that she'd be subject to a lot more scrutiny on basis of like#misogyny. LOL. and i already had the preexisting 'hates half sibling' (i genderswapped the sister into a brother because why not) and 'hate#parents' and 'parents strongly dislike her' and 'unsettling' and it worked nicely to start giving me actual fucking. Literally anything to#work with there. because it means that by going off with Haven she walks out of one situation where she has like 0 agency into another one#and like to be clear i respect anyone who is sitting around in haven's general vicinity for snapping and just starting to kill people. me t#but this works. SOOOOOOOOOO much better for real#im still working the kinks out but like also this means that she wins. she wins like multiple times actually. she comes closer to killing#haven than anyone since he learned what fucking species he was and causes him more trouble in the interest of getting the FUCK out of there#than anyone else has and then she fucking gets what she was going for against literally every effort haven could've made over ~five decades#get owned loser.#every time i draw her i cant help it i write some shit like PLEASE JUST GET DIVORCED on it even though i wrote the fucking narrative i know#it will never fucking happen and thats why she does all this shit instead#in another world she'd be like the wildly capable owner of Raytheon 2 or some other shit like that. like she'd never be a nice or good#person but she wouldn't be dead. god she could be in charge of a country or some shit. Alas. Please get divorced.
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on today's episode of 'acaica's background thoughts for the dess raises kris au': okay but lets be serious do dess and chara actually stay together in the end--
#drkau#chatter#i debate over this point SO OFTEN LOL#they are BACKGROUND characters. like medium at best.#dess (or asriel or both you can argue any way) is the catalyst for everything but at the end of the day this is a kids story#and noelle IS still going to be the main character#but. man. does desschara work it out#their dynamic will be by far one of the hardest ones to write it think#it is very messy and very complicated and neither of them make great choices#and ive been writing a test piece of them for a WHILE#which. was good to get a decent nail of their characters as they stand in this au#but introduced SO MUCH MORE MESS. bc chara is aroace and 100% has some trauma and fucked-up feelings around sex#but xe DOES have sex with dess. and its like. does xe fully consent to it? yes!#does dess check in to be sure hey you're down bc she knows chara is ace while she isnt? also yes!!!#by the books they do everything right its just. chara is very very very good at rationalizing things.#and xe is. not actually as okay with this as xe is trying to be. and in fact this is very unhealthy for xir#(and then theres this whole OTHER layer of dark worlds and prophecies and everything that leads to frisk being born)#and its like. man. Man. this is so much to juggle#just everything between desschara is jngdfg they are trying their bests but it really is not going that well#bc they meet at like. 19-20 i think and chara's had nobody at all and sorta keeps chasing being someone's most important person#and dess has never had someone who has understood her on a level like chara#who really truly gets what shes about as a person and how she operates in the world#and its just a perfect storm really. and they both have kids and dess did technically kidnap hers just a little bit#and she never tells that to chara. and she tries but she cannot stay in place with xir#and chara couldnt hate her bc. again. has never experienced unconditional love#or love at all really </3 so instead of ever having hard conversations xe will brush it all under the rug#and sorta just enable dess's worse impulses. even sometimes at the expense of their literal children#ITS MESSY YALL. AND LIKE.#at the end of the day we'll see lol maybe they work it out maybe they dont. i have no idea. ive gotta write the thing#and if dr chapters 3&4 come out that could complicate things even FURTHER--
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i havent even read enough gl to justify the feelings and emotions i have about kyle i just have the lovers heart and also something wrong with me. and my projection. in my mind he's just like me. and he would have loved college vending machine frozen cheeseburger and heating it up in the microwave at 1 in the morning because he was bored and didn't want to work on a drawing assignment on 20" x 30" paper that was due tomorrow in his freshman year. he would have loved going to the club to push off finals work that's creating the worst stress known to man in his brain. and he would love to annoy the fuck out of his roommate when high and avoiding homework on a saturday.
#IN MY MIND HE'S JUST LIKE ME and i understand why he dropped out of art school also.#i need to get back to my readings but im too into thinking about the couple dozen issues i have read#and then going i wonder what he was like in college. and the answer is definitely fucking annoying.#if i knew him i know we would be not arguing in art history class. i would be saying his takes are stupid outside of class during break.#and he would go i dont know how somoene can defend british utilitarian furniture so vehemently and try to liken it to bauhaus design#our arguments would also stem from having very different art history and therefore philosophy education. his background would be from a pro#who would focus on european canon as per usual while my prof was coming from the perspective of someone with a phd in asian art history#and a curriculum based mostly around exploring and investigating non euro art work and how movements like modernism and#post modernism functioned in other continents.#this is such a main blog post but idont care. EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW HOW I PROJECT AND INTERACT WITH HIM IN MY MIND#he would also hate how i argue for art even i dont care about by approaching it at the philosophical angle.#'how do you like this it's barely even art. or it is art. but it's a boring cop out for suckers. honestly.'#'the thing is i dont like it. i just think you need to expand your world views and stop being close minded. youre limiting yourself.'#you might go eiffel what are you basing this on? the answer is vaguely remembered panels in my mind plus generally taste opinions of his i#can gleam from what art references they give him within issues.#it would also be funny bc like. he has a background in design... he's just stubborn and snobby i think when it then comes to the realm of#fine arts. i think his opinions and how they operate in regards to design + illustration + non gallery art are probably quite different#but i cant lie. from the singular 'i dont wanna be some loser who shows up with a blank canvas to a gallery' panel i remember someone talki#about in a post i have used it to create a variety of thoughts i think he could have had.#and the answer is the opinions of someone definitely a little annoying in art school. with a pretty standard traditional training#and background that stems from euo+american art history and sensibilities that inform how he interacts with art. which is very normal#but i think it's funny to view him as someone i would probably roll my eyes at for some comments he would be making.#and it gets funnier with how he acts generally as a person.#kyle you cant be this snobby when you are drawing pin ups of your work crush in your home studio...#good lord this got so long i have a problem. hi. sorry to my new follower your kyle posting made me go ha ha kyle. i like that guy.#static.soundz#back issues box#< it might as well go there bc i blabbed way too hard and too much. sorry. overtaken by an entity in my mind
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O brave tarnished, O weary tarnished
Got gifted Elden Ring and have gotten way too into it, so here's my tarnished
progress shots under the cut
#elden ring#elden ring tarnished#elden ring fanart#elden ring art#tarnished#illustration#(yes I was still wearing the starting vagabond armour but with the addition of godrick knight greaves I picked up)#(I'm much further along now and this is basically what I'm still wearing)#(though I'm now rocking the Lordsworn Greatsword and the blue-gold kite shield which is just Gorgeous)#(Im like super proud of this piece. basically the first time Ive done a full background and illustration that I think turned out real well)#(it had SO many layers and I used SO many brushes. I'm a five layer one brush kinda guy normally so this was brutal. couldn't find ANYTHING#also i've said it before and i'll say it again:#average artist enjoys drawing armour: factoid actually just statistical error.#average artist fucking hates drawing armour.#artist LouTheLost who fucking loves drawing armour and would do it every day if possible is an outlier adn should not have been counted
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btw i forgot to even announce it but for like the last month i've been getting attached to golden freddy for some reason so i've added him as a test muse!!
#☽—— ⸢ ooc ⸥#.tbd.#f n a f /#y'know despite what i've said abt the movie i thought the actor for cassidy/GF's ghost was SO good#like i hated the whole 'william controls them ~somehow~ & they wanna kill a child' thing sooooooooooo much#but i thought he was so damn good in the role generally#anyway oooooooo you wanna write with golden freddy so bad#and listen GF is so ghostly and out there that i can crossover with anyone#but fair warning if your muse is an adult he's gonna try to get you killed no matter what#( for the record i do use he/him for GF himself as a whole but obv game!cassidy uses she/her & evan he/him )#cassidy is present by default but anything prior to fn.af3 will include evan in the background sort of#i wanna really fuck around with some cool writing ideas with GF#as for whether i'll write cassidy or evan pre-GF.... def not cassidy (i love her being so mysterious)#but if i enjoy writing evan i may eventually add him#( also i do default to the name 'evan' but i'm still iffy on whether that name's canon personally )#i'd say GF is the one muse i'd be willing to have a movie verse for but considering i'm immediately like#'minus trying to kill abby' i feel like it's no different than game verse lmao#not for him i mean#but who knows. if there's specific interest for it i'd be willing to consider it for GF.#fnafspoilers /#movie spoilers /
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I think Riven was poor in the show... I think Riven hated Sky for being a prince too. They're fighting was because of that too. Are you saying that Riven did not hate Sky because he is a prince? Riven said a lot that he did not like Sky because he is rich and rich people are unfair. Please share your thoughts for me.
I'm pretty sure this is in response to this post? But let me know if not!
Anyway, Riven coming from a poor or even "middle class" background isn't canon, it's just a really good headcanon. I say it's a headcanon because when it comes up, it's always a vague implication that could also be about something else. Like his mother abandoning him could definitely have led to him growing up poor, but it's also not an exact confirmation. His mother leaving for money could mean they were poor, but it could also mean she just wanted More Money. Darcy saying he has "a darkness inside him" is likely about mental illness and trauma rather than him being poor and taking it out on the others (also anyone who uses this as an example just know i am beam blasting your house so hard). Riven calling out nepotism and classism could definitely be more personal but it could also be an example of his very high morality and moral judgment. (like riven is extremely intelligent and stands up for people in less fortunate situations a lot.)
Like,,, it's never directly stated that he's poor and the implications that people usually see could very easily be about something else. Kind of like the headcanon that Helia grew up at RF or comes from a military family; lots of good implications, but not canon. Or s1 implying that Flora could be a lesbian or wlw; lots of implications, but not canon. On the flip side, there are tons of things about Riven that are directly stated or directly implied (like his trust issues, issues with administration, his mental health issues, and even his mother leaving him). But Riven coming from a specifically poor background is something that's more often than not just an implication that could be implying something else. I'm not saying that implication isn't there at all, but it can definitely be read in other ways (for example, I've seen people headcanon that Riven comes from a noble family and hates classism because he's seen it up close). But regardless, Riven being poor is just an implication because it's not stated or shown in canon.
Also, I should note that my post wasn't about shitting on this headcanon. I like the idea that Riven comes from a poor background. It makes sense within canon, I do think it's implied (even some of the weaker implications are still fun to me), and I often use it in other headcanons and aus. But again, it's not Canon and his rivalry with Sky and the other specialists had a lot of components that aren't related to classism. My post was specifically about how the Sky vs Riven rivalry wasn't just about classism. Riven absolutely does not like royalty or the idea of different classes in general. However, his rivalry with Sky was never just about Sky being a prince.
Riven calls Sky out for having advantages over them, yes. Riven calls out the other characters for not knowing something, for being privileged, for nepotism, etc, yes. But his dislike of Sky specifically didn't stem from classism. Like I said in that post, classism was absolutely a factor but it wasn't the Biggest Factor.
Riven had a lot of internal issues in s1 and all of them played a factor in his rivalry with Sky. Sky being a prince was the icing on top. It really cemented everything that Riven thought of Sky before, but it was never the First Reason, the Big Reason, or the Only Reason. Riven didn't like the specialists because they were constantly undermining him, constantly insulting him (sometimes in a direct insulting way and sometimes in a "playful/joking" way), always assuming the worst of him, and never taking his side in literally anything. He also has extreme trust issues, felt like he would be better off alone, and used everything they said and did as a confirmation of why. Like s1 Riven had a really bad case of confirmation bias and was constantly looking for reasons to hate them (Sky being a prince was One of those reasons).
Like I said in that post, the Riven vs Sky rivalry had a lot of depth and both parties played into it. In canon, it was never just Poor Boy Hate Rich Boy. Sky being a prince and therefore having a lot of privilege was absolutely a factor in Riven's dislike of him, but it was never the only thing or the biggest reason. If Sky hadn't been the prince, Riven still would've hated him. Like,, that's important! Riven didn't hate Sky Just because he's a prince. He didn't trust Sky, hated that Sky looked down on him (regardless of their class standing), and hated that Sky "saw better in him". He hated that they were both extremely stubborn, irrational pricks who took it out on each other. He hated that Sky clearly didn't like, trust, or respect him.
And again, I really do think his relationships with the other royal and/or rich characters back this up. If Riven hated Sky simply for being a prince, that energy would've been directed toward Brandon first and it would also be directed toward Bloom, Stella, and Aisha. But it isn't. In fact, Riven often shows that he respects and likes Aisha! Even when he does call the other royal/rich characters out, it's never with animosity. It's usually in this, "yeah you're rich and dumb and privileged here I'll show you how it's done 🙄" kind of way. With Sky, it's more "i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate myself fuck off i hate you AND you're a prince god could you get any worse???". Yknow?
#long post#like again i want to make it clear that im not shitting on the Riven Poor headcanons#i Like them and theyre very juicy to me#but it is still just a headcanon and even if it was canon its still not the only factor in the rivalry#like i was specifically talking about how people have a sort of... well this is gonna sound mean but a very one dimensional -#understanding of the sky/riven rivalry#classism IS a factor and sky being a prince IS a reason but thats not the Only component#and it genuinely bothers me when people think classism is the ONLY factor because it really brings the rivalry down so much#there are So Many factors in their rivalry and when people boil it down to Just Poor Boy Hate Rich Boy its really awkward#it erases a lot of what riven was feeling and how he took it out on people#it also erases a lot of sky's involvement in their fighting beyond his privilege#because again his being royalty does play a factor but he's also stubborn and judgemental and assumes the worst in people#and riven Hates those kinds of people and sky was always taking it out on Him#like sky didnt treat anyone else like that ???#sky was his worst fucking nightmare ajhdflg#and again sky being a prince really just solidified Everything that riven Already thought#sky and riven both had a Lot of internal issues and they were taking it out on each other#that would stay the same if sky was genuinely not a prince or even if he was poor#because it was never Just about him being a prince. that Was one factor - not the entire rivalry#so again headcanon whatever you want about riven's background! i for one will continue to think he grew up poor#but its still just a headcanon and their rivalry still has a lot of components that arent related to classism or nepotism#answered#i hope none of this comes off as mean anon i promise im not trying to shit on your thoughts#like.. i think besides the riven poor in canon thing we're in agreement?#i think another aspect of riven hating sky for being a prince is that sky hates being seen as A Prince and riven really doesnt get that#like they just Do Not understand each other and they often refused to try#after s1 we see both of them actually trying and their relationship gets better because of it
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me when i woke up two days ago and my kamioshis have beef and the allegations are getting srs
#im not tagging this with either liver or any companies i dont need to add oil to the fire#tldr there is no tldr bc theres so much background context to why there would be this sort of allegation in the first place#im just pissed and mentally ill#fuck bro#you guys get my thoughts so ig thats context but no specifics and if you ask im ignoring you#1 i didnt realize that a KAMI oshi fucking hated another oshi the entire time he was in the same vtuber company and wave as him#2 there are super serious allegations going around for that another oshi/kamioshi 2 that have no solid proof or sources#but people think it aligns with how he acts and are harassing him#3 kamioshi 1 adds fuel to the fire for petty reasons and is acting so immature that its disappointing even if the allegations are true#4 im forced to realize that i didnt actually support my fucking K A M I oshi enough to want to follow him after he left that company#bc i honestly wasnt paying much attention to him anymore until all of this happened over my current kamioshi / oshi 2#5 if i say anything too crazy about it the “news” channels trying to push allegations without proof will just fucking steal my tweets#because theyre desperate like that#and theres nothing i can do about it#and now im just realizing that when i got into this group of livers i was even younger than i am now + immature + naive#the group that convinced me that me and my friends could stick together as a group was harboring this kind of conflict the whole time#why did i let my guard down to become a fan of a real person#why did i actually think i could see the good in a real person#whatever fuck this#idk the plan now is to stay neutral unless something comes out and clears up the situation#also if the company handles it badly whether the allegations are true or not thats the last straw#im done with all vtubers after that#this is right after my trips to japan too i dont fucking know what im supposed to do with the vtuber ita bag or nui plush#ALSO im being very selfish about this on this post#these thoughts will NOT be going to twitter#let it be known that this posts tags are an example of an unhealthy and overattached fan#this shit is NOT about me#i just have to make it about me because i got so attached to this and its my fault for doing that#this isnt getting my post tag either#major vent alert major veeeeennntt alleerrrttt
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