#also I don’t have an actual picture of Judas so I think I’m going with this less specific moodboard

[orionlancasterr]

Two Truths and A Lie!

I was tagged by @adelaidedrubman <3

I’m gonna tag @nuclearsludge @socially-awkward-skeleton @captastra @sunstreakerapologist @wishbonemotel @statichvm @strafethesesinners @wrathfulrook @8bitpizzacoupons @henbased if you want to! No pressure <3

[t3acupz]

ok I have to ask because I'm so curious. Do you ship brownham in a "two hawks" serial killer couple way, or a Will is manipulating Matthew way, or a pwp way, or a doomed by the narrative way or...? I just want to know your headcanons XD

There’s so much to say about brownham that I get emotional about it.

Essentially, what happens in canon isn’t that great for Matthew. Will emotionally manipulates Matthew, and uses him to try and kill Hannibal. For Will, Matthew is just a pawn in his chess game against Hannibal.

But I like to approach this ship from Matthew’s point of view. He is someone who has been hiding his true self from everyone for most of his life. He’s spent time in a mental asylum for unknown reasons. He fakes a lisp and changes his mannerisms to appear as an unassuming orderly at the BSHCI. We can only assume his backstory and what led him to act this way but he’s clearly desperate to be known. Truly known. And in truly knowing someone, we love them.

I love that we get a small shot of Matthew in 2.01 Kaiseki (bringing Will his dinner) because it shows that he’s been with Will since the beginning of his imprisonment. Matthew spent months studying Will, silently watching him from the shadows. Listening to his conversations with Chilton. I’m sure he’s heard Will denounce Hannibal as the real Chesapeake Ripper plenty of times. Matthew read Will’s file and studied the Chesapeake Ripper’s murders just so he can come up with a plan to free Will by creating an alibi for him.

This scene in 2.05 Mukōzuke is so great because of the symbolism. Matthew opened Will’s enclosure, and watched him exit the cage with complete adoration. That was exactly what Matthew had planned by killing the bailiff. He wanted to set Will free. He knew that Will was an empath; someone who could finally understand him and not think he was depraved or insane.

Matthew is wearing all white, a symbol of purity. He wants to be Will’s savior, his guardian angel. He talks about hawks and how their folly is their solitary nature. He’s so in love with Will that he will make them go against their natures just to be together.

I’ll talk briefly about the pool scene. Water is one of Will’s motifs in the show, and Matthew thus became an extension of Will. He swam faster than Hannibal and then outmaneuvered him with the tranquilizer dart. He could’ve just let Hannibal drown and that would’ve been the end of it but he wanted to mock Hannibal. He wanted to show Hannibal how much he hurt Will and in doing so, compared Hannibal to the traitorous Judas. He needed Hannibal to know that he was killing for Will, and at Will’s request. It was Matthew’s way of saying, “Yes, I won and I killed you for my man.”

Matthew wasn’t shocked in the slightest when Hannibal told him that Will wasn’t a killer. It didn’t faze him at all. He also wasn’t the least bit fearful to be facing the actual Chesapeake Ripper. A man known for killing dozens of people in gruesome and horrific ways. He had Hannibal tied up and bleeding out and did it all while being adorably jaunty. That’s an amazing power move and something completely unforgettable for me when watching this show.

So the way I view the ship is in canon-divergence. Matthew succeeds in killing Hannibal, and Will is freed from the BSHCI when new evidence comes to light to prove that Lecter was the Chesapeake Ripper. Will returns to Wolf Trap and takes time off from working for the FBI to deal with the trauma of everything he went through. Initially, Matthew gives Will space by just dropping of care packages but eventually starts to help with chores around the house. Finally, Will invites Matthew to talk candidly about what transpired. It begins as unrequited love but evolves into real feelings from Will when he finally accepts the love he deserves.

I don’t picture them becoming serial killers because Matthew’s only known kill was the bailiff and that was done out of love, unlike Hannibal who killed for pleasure and to consume his victims like they were nothing more than livestock. Will had two paths - embrace the darkness within himself with Hannibal or follow a lighter path with Matthew (I enjoy both).

[eremosjournal]

How To Throw a Last Supper Party

by Elise Letrondo

Holy Thursday is a day of religious reflection on Jesus’ last day before death. It is also the day we remember perhaps the most iconic dinner party in history: The Last Supper. It had everything that I seek in a soiree: carbs, alcohol, and accusations of betrayal. Believe me, I still think Jesus was greatly wronged by his friends and local government. But if we care enough to reenact the Nativity scene each December, we should also take time to echo Jesus’ effort at celebration and togetherness before his execution. I think The Last Supper says a lot about the kind of person Jesus was: casual, generous, and down as hell. So I’ve designed a party to emulate The Last Supper so that everyone, Christian or otherwise, can party like they’re dying tomorrow.

FOOD

As a raving charcuterie enthusiast, I can’t picture a party without some kind of meat and cheese assortment. Luckily, the diet of Biblical times consisted largely of meat and dairy from various livestock, so charcuterie kind of tracks historically as well as deliciously. I assembled a board with some ingredients that are loosely reminiscent of Biblical times and Jesus’ relative geography. And since Holy Thursday is also a Catholic reverberation of Passover, I should add that this party is a great opportunity to find and support your local Jewish market. Just don’t go there hungry because you will find yourself in the checkout line with three loaves of fresh challah bread and nothing on your original shopping list. Everything else pictured is from Trader Joe’s. Obviously.

I used sheep and goat dairy for the cheeses, and included smoked fish and dried figs from the market. There are olives, dates, and hummus to round out the Middle Eastern vibe, though I’m realizing it is stupid to try to ethnify something as white as a Trader Joe’s charcuterie board. Blood oranges and endives add an elevated prettiness to distract you from the fact that you’re actually throwing a Holy Thursday party. Speaking of distraction, let’s move on to alcohol!

DRINK

“This is my blood of the covenant,” said Jesus, “which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.” 

Not to be that guy but I think if Jesus wanted to avoid sin, he shouldn’t have been passing around a cup of wine. I don’t drink much wine, as it causes me to turn red in the face and slide into the DMs of NBA players. If you’re like me and want a drink that packs the same punch as a robust merlot but tastes like a Capri Sun, I’ve crafted a signature cocktail for you to try this Holy Thursday. I call it “Blood of the Covenant”, and I think Jesus would have loved it.

4 oz cranberry juice cocktail (the sweet stuff, not the UTI stuff)

Juice of half a medium blood orange

1.5 oz vodka or gin

1 oz. Triple Sec

Club soda to finish

I am as bad a food photographer as I am a mixologist, especially after sampling the drink for an hour before remembering to take a picture of it. But a little raw sugar and blood orange slice made it look slightly more presentable! Still, plain old wine is just as good and on-theme, and much less work. And as an unemployed thirty-three-year-old, I think Jesus would have appreciated less work. Cheers, and please pour out for the forgiveness of sins responsibly.

GAMES

“Judas”

Gather enough cups for each guest at your party. The cups must be opaque, and should be disposable as you’ll be writing inside them. With a permanent marker, write “JC” (Jesus Christ) on the bottom of the inside of one of the cups, and “JI” (Judas Iscariot) on the inside bottom of another. Then fill the cups with the beverage of your choosing, preferably something dark enough to conceal the labels. Shuffle the cups around. Once everyone is gathered, cheers and drink to reveal whose cups were labeled or not.

I’ve made a playlist (linked in our Vol. 18 story highlight) that contains Lady Gaga’s goated bop “Judas” on it three times, along with some other more or less thematically related bangers. Play the playlist on shuffle during your party. Every time “Judas” comes on, everyone in attendance - twelve guests if you went for accuracy - must circle up and perform a “waterfall”, wherein each person starts drinking at the same time but cannot stop until the person before them stops drinking. Whoever’s cup was labeled “JC” is first in the waterfall and whoever’s was labeled “JI” is last. Refill the labeled cups once you finish and repeat whenever “Judas” comes back on. 

LINK TO PLAYLIST: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5TVtlP6ExvGW5udMSvVQYp?si=4e5f9746b9bd42f6

“Paranoia”

Gather in a circle, drinks in hand. Each player takes a turn to whisper a question into the ear of the guest to their right. Please, make it personal and incriminating. Out loud, the guest must answer honestly, without anyone knowing what was asked. Whoever is dying to know what the question was, they must drink before it can be disclosed. I suppose this game is in Judas’ Last Supper spirit of divulging information. But also, isn’t it just fun to be nosy?

And there are the bones of a swingin’ Last Supper Party! I know the tone of Holy Week is meant to be somber and low, but if Jesus wasn’t too good for a weekday kickback then neither am I. You can look at it as a celebration of his strange, miraculous life, or at the very least an excuse to be with people you love. I’ve gone back and forth about how much of the Bible I believe and how much of it I should just take as allegorical. After all, it was written by people as flawed as I am, and translated by them too. Being a couple years removed from my old faith, I’m not sure what the gospel means to me anymore. But I still like the image of The Last Supper, a lot. And I like who I think Jesus would have been too. I may not have a faith anymore, but the prospect of gathering, of eating good food surrounded by people who make me laugh the loudest, sounds holy to me. 

[voidreplacement]

him updates <3

it’s a lot btw

future me here: added tags cuz i want people’s opinions on this even tho i don’t usually add tags

i still like him sigh

also

he sent shirtless picture through insta (cuz that’s where we talk right) ON BOMB MODE

i however

being absolutely stupid

TOOK A FUCKING SCREENSHOT

AND IT TOLD HIM

AND HE COMMENTED ON THAT

LIKE STFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

i covered it up saying it was an accident and i’d don’t mean to and THANKFULLY he changed the subject but godDAMN

if i had a nickel for every time a guy i liked showed me a shirtless picture i’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice

like be so fr with me

is that a good sign that he likes me-? idk bro all my guy friends are hella unreliable when it comes to this stuff

sigh

HES SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

like don’t play

no and i didn’t even ask for it if that makes sense?

like before he sent it we were talking abt hw right

and then he says “Yoo chest vein goes fire” and i responded with “oh shoot you ate thatttt”

then we go back to talking abt teachers and hw and what not yk and he says again “Wait i look like a grown man with my shirt off” and i respond with “oh what / like in his 30s grown man” and he sends “No like a 20s grown man / I made it look like batman” i say back “you made yourself look like batman??? / impossible”

and this guy

sends

“Goat angles”

and the doomed bomb photo

followed with

“Chest vein goes crazy too”

mind you

i’m sitting here, on the floor, SUPPSOED to be locking in on hw, in front of my mirror

my hand is SHAKING and i see the aforementioned chest vein

i also see

that the photo is a bomb

i PANIC and take a ss cuz HELLO?

(yes i’m aware that’s weird asf but give me some slack i’m just a girl who’s crush SENT THEM A SHIRTLESS PHOTO. would you do the same? most likely i presume)

so yes i’m sitting there with the ss secured not having sent anything yet and just trying to calm myself in general cuz obviously my hearts beating hella fast. i’m thinking at this point

“omg what just happened” “i am no better than a man oh my god” “if i was a guy i would be SO HARD RIGHT NOW” “did he actually just send me that” “i’m dreaming this isn’t real this is a dream” etc etc

and he responds

“Did bro just snap a picture”

“Judas goes crazy too”

bcoz OFC it told him i took a photo and he just HAD to comment on that fact that he put judas by lady gaga on the photo as one does on insta

i PANIC and start texting my bsf

i’m sending her videos, screenshots, screen recordings, and overall spamming the poor girl

i know im being INCREDIBLY dramatic but i couldn’t calm down since i was going to SEE HIM the EXACT NEXT DAY and i was VERY embarrassed

i responded back to him after a good 10 mins saying “i in fact did BUT it was cuz i panicked since the i saw it as abt to explode and i didn’t see the vein right away / judas indeed goes crazy / live laugh live lady gaga”

he goes “The bomb is crazy” and i double down saying “yea bro the bomb / i forgot insta had that so i panicked” and he says “Silly little warhead”

THE FUCK?????? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???????

i say exactly that (basically) “what does that even mean 💀😭”

and he just says “Your welcome / Now / Are you a different animal / And the same beast”

“wdym”

“Your welcome”

“bros pulling a the rock” (moana reference T-T)

“Yup”

“the question now is / w h y”

“I have the most elegant pen eber / *photo of said pen on his hw* / Its supposedly a rlly expensive pej”

and that was the end of the whole fiasco

and that was on november 20th, 2024 (writing this on nov 27, 2024 so a week later”

so that’s the biggest plot with him idk

a few weeks ago as well he sent me raw footage of him getting a new pr on bench along with an edited video of him getting a new pr on deadlift

when i say edited vs raw, i mean the bench video has no filter, his face was uncovered, etc but the deadlift video DID have a filter and song lyrics covered his face

when i commented on that the deadlift video had no cover he said that it was normally to hide the struggle face but it wasn’t as bad in the video plus the lyrics covered enough so it wasn’t needed

which fair enough cuz i would do the same right

however he’s posted himself before NOT at the gym and he covered his face so then so?????

he’s just comfy with me now????

also the bench video he sent me had NO cover and the struggle face was very prominent yk

he also showed me both BEFORE he posted them on his story

(obviously i hyped him up tf)

and he would update me on how it was doing

he also consistently updated me on new prs in different areas

so idk

is that a good sign? is any of it?

[angedemystere]

I’m nursing a theory about something that might happen in Season 3 of The Chosen. I’m going off bits of BTS photos and videos. While this is just a theory, it contains potential SPOILERS, so read below the cut if you’re ok with that.

But here’s a clue: water

(Also I wouldn’t be surprised if other fans have come up with this, but I haven’t seen it on Tumblr, so dibs)

This started from a BTS photo I saw on Pinterest, and I don’t know yet if it came from one of the BTS photos or videos on the Chosen YT channel. I’ll check through the latest livestream to make sure. Anyway here’s the picture I found:

So.... lots of interesting stuff!

Like, why are some of the people here completely drenched? Why is Jesus completely drenched?

I first thought this could be from a scene following an adaption of the storm on the sea and Jesus calming it. Wouldn’t be surprised if everybody on the boat, including Jesus, got a good soak during that adventure. But then I noticed Tamar and Mary aren’t at all wet. If they were on the banks of the Sea of Galilee, why wouldn’t they be a little wet from the storm, too? I also think it might be early to have the storm on the sea since we’ve still got 4 seasons to fill in. 

Some time after first speculating on this picture, I saw the BTS video where this image didn’t show up, but there was a shot of Jesus leading his followers to the shoreline of the sea. I don’t mean to a boat - literally to the water. 

This could actually be the Jordan River and not the Sea of Galilee. Even if it isn’t, it could be related to baptism. 

In John 4: 1-3 we get this:

So then, when the Lord knew that the Pharisees had heard that He was making and baptizing more disciples than John (although Jesus Himself was not baptizing; rather, His disciples were), He left Judea and went away again to Galilee.

This actually happens before the encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well, but we already know the show moves around some of events of Scripture, so this episode could still be what the photo is from. 

“But we don’t see anyone other than the disciple here,” you might be saying. That’s true, which makes me think that the disciples aren’t baptizing other people yet. What if here Jesus is teaching them how to baptize? Makes sense. Even with Andrew and Philip, just because they watched and followed John the Baptizer doesn’t mean they know exactly what to do. Or maybe they know enough to help with demonstrations for the others. But Jesus might have offered Himself as a guinea pig for practice to get the disciples comfortable with the ritual. And then Younger James and Judas volunteered afterward. 

Now, if this all turns out to be true, the next question I think is: who goes first? Who gets to dunk Jesus? My first assumption was Simon Peter. He has a tendency to take action first, for better or worse. But as I thought on it, Andrew struck me as a better choice. 

For one, he’s seen the Baptizer do this, so he has more to go on even while Jesus provides instructions. But this could also be a crucial moment for his arc. Remember, Andrew is the most distressed (or at least as distressed as Jesus) about John’s life sentence. It hits him hard as a former student who believed in his message and identification of Jesus as the Lamb of God. Now he’s fearful about the same fate falling on Jesus, as shown in season 2. 

We also know from BTS videos that Andrew will have a scene with John in season 3. This arc is definitely still in play.

Imagine Jesus asking Andrew to help him demonstrate. Imagine Andrew being reluctant but obedient, stepping into the water with his rabbi until they’re waist-deep, and Jesus starts explaining, for Andrew and everyone else, what to do and say for the baptism. And Andrew starts to break. Maybe he almost backs out - how can he do what his former rabbi did when that man is locked away for the rest of his days? It would be replacing his teacher, which means recognizing that he’s all but gone. And Andrew is struggling to accept that. 

Jesus knows this. Of course He does. So He quietly reassures Andrew, tells him that he can honor what John did and sacrificed by carrying on his work. John knew it was never about himself but about the Kingdom, the salvation of God’s people, and when he was no longer around, someone else would continue to bring God’s Kingdom to the world. 

And we know this is all foreshadowing what will happen to Jesus, too. Andrew doesn’t realize it, but maybe he gets a glimpse of that truth, which frightens him. But he listens and starts to come to terms with it, and he completes the demonstration with his Rabbi. 

So yeah, no idea if that’s what will happen in the show, but it would be cool. And hurtful. 

[freddiekluger]

please drop the essay length analysis Judas and Jesus (extra gay Swedish edition), O great and knowledgeable monarch of our times

alright, you ask i deliver! please excuse any typos, my eyes aren't exactly working rn

welcome to my probably super subjective but correct analysis, aka

Judas Was Right and Jesus Was A Victim (At Least, In Swedish)

Before we get started, a couple points: i’ll try to avoid comparisons to other specific productions, i’ve only seen the other recorded 2012 british version which i didn’t like for reasons including but not limited to the amount of white people with dreadlocks. Also, my understanding of swedish is limited to a couple words and phrases, so most of the lyrics i reference will be english subtitles from Ola Salo’s swedish translation and therefore might not be the most accurate !

There’s so much i could cover in this, but for now i’m going to focus on how jesus and judas are portrayed in the 2014 swedish arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar (JCS) starring Ola Salo as Jesus and Peter Johansson as Judas, along with how this production more implicitly views god. 

From the opening number, translated into swedish as En Dimmig Himmelsdröm (A Foggy Heaven’s Dream), Peter Johansson’s acting and semantic differences in the lyrics present us with a deeply sympathetic portrayal of Judas. Looking purely at language, the english equivalent Heaven On Their Minds instantly paints Judas as much more of a faithless doubter- lyrics exclusive to the english version like “all your followers have gone blind / too much heaven on their minds” and “they think you’re the new messiah / and they’ll hurt you when they find they’re wrong” strongly enforce Judas’ main motivation for his actions being that he has less belief in Jesus and God’s plan than any of the other disciples with strong statements judging the other disciples for following him and claiming that Jesus ISN’T the messiah. The swedish translation doesn’t paint exactly the same picture- the focus of Judas’ number becomes his fear for Jesus’ wellbeing, not because he isn’t the messiah (the production remains fairly ambiguous on this point), but because Jesus can’t cope. The root of Judas’ concern comes from fear for Jesus’ wellbeing, and the disciples are referenced as regularly misunderstanding and wilfully twisting Jesus’ words. The swedish equivalent lyrics for the above examples are “they say, “jesus is god’s son” / but you know how people can change” (judas isn’t concerned with truth, just the danger that jesus will be in if the tide turns), and “the kingdom of heaven is within us, that’s what you said / bu they sew it, stitch by stich into some kind of foggy heaven’s dream”. Judas is showing that he HAS been listening and cares for Jesus’ teachings, but ‘they’ [his disciples] are turning them into something else entirely, and Judas’ worries that the support of the masses is fragile at best- the lines “and everything you say gets twisted by your lackeys / it will be anything but what you’ve said”  and “you are being used by people who want you in their battle” reinforces this again. When combined with Peter Johansson’s tough but tender performance, in which he dances between disdain for Jesus, the institution, and affection for Jesus, the man (an important distinction), Judas is the harsh realist doing his best to look out for the man he loves. The way he takes Jesus hands and looks at him with love and urgency straight away establishes that his motivations are pure- Judas is doing what he thinks is best, even though it feels like no one will listen to him. 

That was long, but En Dimmig Himmelsdröm is the perfect character introduction for Judas. He’s not totally unrecognisable, still delivering digs about ‘Jesus, the little carpenter’s son’, his manner is still rough and at this point we’re not sure whether or not the claims he makes about the disciples have any truth to them, BUT we can also see how much Jesus means to him, an important point that give context to the intensity of their future arguments and really makes the whole story much more heartbreaking.

This brings me to Ola Salo’s Jesus. Delightfully camp and queercoded, Judas describes him as being caught up in his own magic and mystery and buckling under the pressure, and he’s not entirely wrong. Throughout the first act, Jesus basks in the luxuries that being messiah can give him (the oils Mary paid for using disciple funds that were supposed to go towards helping the poor, him absolutely thriving in the shopping cart in What’s the Buzz?), and is shown actively avoiding any reminders of the seriousness of his position. He’s sick of the disciples asking him for a plan, he chooses the comforting Mary, who’s theme consists of telling Jesus everything is okay and he doesn’t need to think about anything, over Judas, who is less perhaps ‘cosy’ but is actively trying to warn and protect Jesus from an awful fate. During The Temple, he starts to crack as he’s overcome by the followers begging him to make him well, fear in his eyes as he raises his arms while frozen on the spot trying to avoid being devoured by the frenzy in desperate need of a messiah. Judas’ point about Jesus buckling under the pressure is starting to look more and more reasonable, and the dashes of showbiz campness add to the sense that much of Jesus is a persona constructed for the masses to give himself enough distance to prevent him from being crushed by the weight of God entirely. Jesus, the institution, prances around, lays his hands on his followers, and projects an air of easygoing calm. Jesus, the man, is scared and alone, and Jesus, the man, really comes out in Last Supper, but before we get there, I want to circle back to the Jesus/Mary/Judas thing.

Jesus, Mary, and Judas are presented as a love triangle: so much so, that Judas seeing Mary sing of her love for Jesus (I Don’t Know How To Love Him) is actually played as the inciting incident that sends him to the pharisees. Judas, the picture of the jealous lover, storms onto the scene, breaking them up and attempting to kiss Jesus, who instead shoves him to the ground in disdain. Judas, who is perhaps a little controlling, realises that any influence he had over Jesus has gone, and it’s likely a combination of jealousy and the knowledge that Jesus won’t stop that prompts him to head to the pharisees. In his meeting with the pharisees (known in english as Damned For All Time, although that phrase doesn’t appear once in the swedish), Judas’ expresses outright that “I’m the one who sees / Jesus, he can’t handle it anymore” “the truth is that this hysteria is making him lose control”, once he can get past explaining how much this plan of action feels like a last resort. He never even verbally or physically accept the pharisees’ offer of money, he denies it twice before it is eventually thrown over him after he reluctantly gives them the date and time to find Jesus- we never even see him pick it up, unlike other productions which show Judas grabbing for the cash and place a higher emphasis on Judas making sure he ‘won’t be damned for all time’, painting Judas as far more self serving. When it comes to Jesus, Judas is active- he’s running around trying to help, caressing him, embracing him, grabbing his hand, kissing him. They share countless moment of intimacy, especially at the start, establishing the fondness between them instead of instantly jumping to their conflict. When it comes to Mary (and admittedly, this is partially because she’s a secondary character- don’t get me wrong I still love her and Gunilla Backman does a brilliant job), she’s much more passive. Other than the much more gentle kisses in I Don’t Know How To Love Him and her penchant for dabbing Jesus’ forehead, she’s mostly just ‘there’. She cares for Jesus after the fact, and even when performing acts of intimacy like the oil and the kiss, she maintains a lot of physical distance- her songs touch on this as, much like Jesus (admittedly for different reasons), she actively distances herself from feelings to protect herself, so naturally she literally places distance between herself and the object of her love.

This brings me back to Last Supper, Gethsemane ( I Only Want to Say), and the kiss of death that broke all of our hearts. Throughout this segment, this is when Jesus, the man, really comes through, and it’s devastating. In Last Supper, he properly expresses the sheer amount of loneliness he feels, reiterating how he feels everyone will forget about him once he’s gone, and doesn’t really care about him as a man (”for you, my blood is not worth more than wine / for you, my body is not worth more than bread” “you will have forgotten me as soon as i give up my life”). This devolves into the disciples fighting each other and, you guessed it, ignoring him. For the first time, Jesus meaningfully lets out his anger, and as it turns to Judas, Judas does the same. Because of the set up of their complicated romantic relationship and the stakes involved, the amount of personal attacks and anger that comes out of Jesus and Judas’ repeated fights (which get physical) make complete sense- Jesus’ frustrations come from the fact that his entire fate has been predetermined and to him, Judas is just another instrument in the ways he’s been controlled (both with Judas being his betrayer, but also the way that Judas’ constant advice and interference with Jesus’ life (most obviously, the mary thing) are acted by Ola Salo as becoming increasingly frustrating to Jesus)- these frustrations are directed at their real cause, God, in Gethsemane. Judas’ frustrations come from the fact that no matter how hard he tries to help Jesus and keep him safe, Jesus keeps rejecting his efforts resulting in “all that we’ve built up [being] destroyed”- Judas’ heart hasn’t just been broken by Jesus rejecting him romantically, but on every level. Here, he’s actually shown to be the disciple most passionate about helping people practically and long term, being the only one concerned about Mary taking money which was supposed to help people, manipulated by the pharisees with the promise of doing good for the masses, and criticising Jesus for how they could be doing so much for people, ending his part of Last Supper with “every time i look at you i ask myself why you let all your things go so wrong? / all i ever wanted was to help you”. 

This is also the point where Judas’ claims about the disciples are essentially confirmed, and this productions intent to portray Judas as more of a tragic hero become absolutely clear. In the english version, the disciples chorus remains virtually the same each time it appears, generally being far too calm considering their leader is about to die, revealing their aspirations to be apostles, and their intent to write the gospels to be remembered. the swedish translation still achieve this, but with variations from chorus to chorus it becomes much more poignant. i’m just going to stick to ttwo, which are choruses 1 and 3. In chorus 1, lines roughly translate to “i’ve always wanted to be an apostle / life is so nice when you’re saved/ then when we’ve got time we’ll write the gospels / then everything will be the way we want”-  the apostles declaring that life is so good when you’re saved supports Judas’ opening statement that they care more about some idea of heaven than anything else, not to mention ignoring the absolute horrors that Jesus will have to go through to be saved, while the final line about the gospels introduces their intent to change whichever details they need to make ‘everything the way we want’: once again, exactly what Judas warned us of in En Dimmig Himmelsdröm. In chorus 3, taking place after Judas storms out for the last time, these lines change to “never really liked that judas / never saw what jesus saw in him / then, when we’ve got time we’ll write the gospels / and we’ll angle it so he gets all the blame”. Judas as a sympathetic character is confirmed here, as the disciples straight up admit how they don’t like Judas anyways and intend to write him as a villain (also inadvertently admitting that, since they have to write the gospels to make it look like only Judas’ fault, Judas isn’t really the sole one responsible for everything that is to come). It’s deeply unsettling, and for me was the point where I really began to question how good any of these disciples were, and by extension, how good is this production’s God if his truly sanctified followers are acting like this?

Jesus vents out all of his anger and desperation in Gethsemane. He acknowledges his own powerlessness and begs him to change the plan, but with the dark stage and no response (along with Ola Salo’s spectacular acting) it becomes clear that if anyone is there, they’re certainly not listening (”you, who have all the power / can you please change the plan / for i can already feel the pain burning in me”). It’s worth mentioning that a lot of the imagery in this swedish version is much more intense than the english, both in this song and the production as a whole. Jesus plainly calls god “thoughtless”, begging to understand, and it’s that this point we realise that he agrees with much more of what Judas has been saying than he’s been letting on- Jesus’ faith appears to be the only thing keeping him from listening to Judas and running away. Judas’ messages about people misunderstanding Jesus’ words also come out (”you care that everyone sees / but not that anyone understands”), and his eventual agreeing to die is played less as an inspiring act of faith, and more an act of desperation as he realises, he realise has no other choice. In this song, we see just how much of Judas Jesus has valued and taken on board, and that his air of carefree aloofness which frustrated Judas was, as we’ve already touched on, a complete act. The line “might as well finish what i’ve... what YOU’VE started” is absolutely miserable, reinforcing one of the major themes of this production: the idea that Jesus and Judas were both just ordinary men tormented by futures defined by forces out of their control. Just as Jesus has absorbed Judas’ logic, as an audience so we have, and it’s difficult to view the rest of the play’s events as anything other than an immense and unnecessary act of cruelty.

we’re almost done i promise!

Even knowing what Judas has/will do, Jesus still greets him with love. Judas, still under the impression that Jesus will be okay and that he’s doing what’s best, approaches him with the utmost tenderness, and the kiss is a beautiful signifier of two things. For Jesus, the return of his love for Judas shows his realisation in Gethsemane that Judas isn’t the one who’s sealed his fate and has only being trying to help, it’s god himself who has decided Jesus’ future. For Judas, the kiss shows that despite all of the anger and frustration that has been pouring out of him, he truly does love Jesus, and the way he cradles the scared and alone Jesus to his chest afterwards shows just how much he wishes he could be the one to help him and keep him close. Even with all their arguments and dysfunction, here Jesus and Judas find comfort in each other, and it almost seems like everything will end up alright. It’s in this moment that Judas and Jesus are most identifiable not as enemies, or as villain and hero, but as archetypal lovers from a Shakespearean tragedy. Neither of them set out to hurt each other, but through miscommunications, their own flaws, and external forces (both natural and supernatural), their love is simply never to be. Furthermore, in the following torture and spectacle, everything that Judas predicted for Jesus is about to come true. Another detail I find interesting is the way that Jesus and Judas both sport black nail polish, leather pants, and similar length hair: along with just looking cool as hell, the similarities really reinforce how close they are and how much they influence each other- it feels like a contemporary version of carrying a cameo or a lock of your lover's hair with you, a way for 'star crossed lovers' to keep a piece of their beloved no matter what.

The disaffected persona of Jesus, the institution, comes back as he’s taken by the authorities and subsequently insulted, degraded, and whipped. Also the swedish version of The Arrest, when the chorus starts singing questions, contains this dick joke and I think we all deserve it: “why were you dating a whore? / talk about a huge magic wand!”

Skipping forward to Judas’ Death, this is where both his character and the production’s conception of god beautifully (and miserably) align. When Judas runs to the pharisees, minor semantic changes (along with the genuine concern and great acting from Peter Johansson) reinforce that this Judas genuinely didn’t know that Jesus would be beaten and sentenced to death the way he has been, and Judas’ concern regarding how things look is played less as ‘oh no people will hate ME!’, but how having sentenced the man you love to death is one nightmarish thing, but for everyone to think you did it knowingly and willingly and then congratulate you for it is unthinkable. Where the english shows Judas’ attempting to evade responsibility for Jesus death, the swedish is more focused on Judas’ guilt, horror, and regret. The english “I’d save him all the suffering if I could / don’t believe our good / save him if I could” is swapped in swedish for “If anyone should die here I should / don’t say I’m good / better if I died”. While the english statements are somewhat empty (sure, Judas says he’d save Jesus’ suffering if he could, but he can’t so we’ll never truly know) and are still focused on Judas’ attempt to construct himself as a good guy, the swedish translation has Judas admit his guilt (even if it’s not really his fault), and make the promise of “better if i died” which, given the name of this sequence, he later delivers on. When english Judas sings “Christ, I’d sell out the nation / For I have been saddled with the murder of you”, swedish Judas sings “Jesus, I’ve been deceived / because of my act your blood’s now being spilt”, and instead of ending this first section with “I should be dragged through the slime and the mud”, swedish jesus returns to the theme of character assasination with “i will be cursed as the one behind your murder”. 

The swedish translation of the next rework of I Don’t Know How to Love Him also places much more emphasis on Judas’ genuine romantic love for Jesus- we’d be here for hours if i listed everything but here are a few key contrasts. The english has Judas sing “I don’t know how to love him /  I don’t know why he moves me”, whereas the swedish has Judas crying while singing “how do I show my love / all I want is to be close to you”. Along with acknowledging Judas already loves Jesus, the entirety of this segment is shifted from Judas singing about Jesus in the third person ‘he’, to a direct address. Judas isn’t performing his sadness, or venting his emotions, he’s emitting one last desperate cry to the man he loves as he sobs on a stage completely shrouded in darkness, and it’s devastating. Peter Johansson lets his voice run raw as he’s belting, and interrupts lines with sobs, and this Judas answers the question of “do you love me too? do you care for me?” with a quiet “no”- Judas is about to go to his death convinced Jesus must hate him, just as Jesus will face his knowing his love inadvertently put him there.

We finally reach Judas’ actual death, and the production’s far more ambiguous (if not negatively geared) depiction of god comes to a head. Judas’ screaming at god the moment he realises that his god essentially forced Judas to be the one to kill Jesus (an act of ultimate cruelty given their love) comes across as horrifying in it’s validity, unlike in other english language productions where it follows the more common characterisation of Judas being an unbeliever who can’t take responsibility for his own actions. When he spits on the ground, screaming “you have murdered me!”, we can’t help but agree- Judas was trying everything he could to stop Jesus from dying, and yet here he is. Most notably, Judas doesn’t set up his own suicide- a noose literally descends from the heavens, already tied, and Judas is literally trapped between the edge of the stage, and the symbol of death behind him. Much like he didn’t choose to kill Jesus, Judas has no choice in his own suicide- it’s suggested to merely be another part of the plan god has for him, and Judas raising his arms to form a crucifixion pose before he finally turns and jumps, disappearing into the depths of the theatre as the rope trails down (somewhat evocative of a leap to hell), highlight the sick joke. Much like Jesus begging in Gethsemane, a plea with god that in anyway implies fault or cruelty is met with silence followed by a death sentence. 

When Judas reappears to the broken and bloodied Jesus in Superstar, he appears as more of a twisted hallucination than the literal spirit of Judas. He’s the opposite of everything he was in life, draped in colour, surrounded by red lighting instead of the signature blue, his hair quite literally let down, joking and dancing. Despite singing about him, Judas virtually ignores Jesus for the whole song except when he’s taunting him, snatching his hand away after a broken and desperate Jesus reaches out for the image of his beloved (refuting Judas’ belief that Jesus would die hating him), along with the swedish additions of Judas repeatedly addressing him as “little Jesus”. Where the living Judas was serious, sometimes harsh but always well intention, often paying more attention to Jesus than he received, this Judas is the opposite: light hearted but cruel, not caring about Jesus one bit. It’s somewhat an inversion of the beginning of JCS, where the tormented Judas was constantly reaching out to Jesus, and often met with scorn and insult (see: most of their arguments, this line from Everything’s Alright: “the thought is beautiful but quite unrealistic / yes, even quite stupid”). As the song goes on, and even as Jesus is crucified, the victorious scoring of the Superstar theme ends up reinforcing the cruelty and questioning of god distinctive of this production: Ola Salo’s Jesus is one of the bloodiest Jesus’s (Jesii?) I’ve been able to find, with blood covering his torso, his arms, and all over his face, not in passive dribbles, but violent ‘swooshes’ spreading out from his eyes, emphasising the fear and pain contained within them. As the music suggests how great and wonderful Jesus’ death is, the images straight out of a horror movie before us don’t seem to match up: as both Judas and Jesus question, if no one is understanding what Jesus is saying, why kill him? instead of making a point, you’re ensuring that the falsehoods continue to circulate, unless spreading the true message isn’t really the intent at all. or, simply that Jesus was wrong: his interpretation and teachings of god were far too kind and practical, and the true god really is the one that he briefly saw in the garden of Gethsemane, and that Judas saw before his death- a cruel and vindictive god using them for his own sick purposes. If you're a strong Christian, I'm sure you could watch this production and still believe that God was right (although I think Jesus and Judas being in love counts as blasphemy), but I think in doing so you'd lose part of what makes this production so hard hitting and, as i keep saying, devastating.

that’s pretty much it for this one! i feel like jesus and judas as a queer couple is less significant to this production than the fact that it’s specifically jesus and judas that are in love - they don’t face explicit homophobia as such, although i do think the paratextual and historical associations of queerness (both with them each looking visibly queer, and them as a couple) adds a beautiful dimension by subverting the standard christian teaching of Jesus’ sacrifice as “a love that changed the world” and making the love that truly could have been transformative (and was, to a degree) the love between Jesus and another man, not to mention the way in which queerness is often viewed as radical perfectly upholding the ‘radical’ views of god and the story of Jesus shown in the production. Why wouldn’t the love between two men be the love which has us questioning god, faith, and that which many of us have been taught since birth? Ola Salo has talked about how he’s able to be positive and negative towards christianity, along with how he wanted Jesus and Judas to really represent two sides of the same coin (’faith and intelligence’), and being bisexual along with having alluded to being raised christian (not to mention Breaking Up With God, a song by his band The Ark), it’s not surprising he’s managed to present such a nuanced and layered interpretation of Jesus Christ Superstar that even me, a trans exvangelical, can fall in love with.

UPDATE: @bands-and-hobbits has just let me know that Ola's dad was a priest! Apparently he's said that he liked the organs and the music, but that was all when it comes to christianity, which (when combined with Ola stating in interviews that the JCS soundtrack has been one of his favourite albums since he was 14) makes a lot of sense about the level of familiarity he had with the text giving him confidence to go in and make changes to really capitalised off of some of the themes that are hinted at in the english version- you have enough information to understand how everything works together, but aren't so dedicated to preserving belief that you feel you can't improve/change things (and my god are we glad he did)

[melisusthewee]

WIP Wednesday - Let’s Talk Music

Thank you to @cleverblackcat @kittynomsdeplume @noire-pandora and @morganlefaye79 for tagging me!

I don’t have any writing to really offer today.  I’ve been trying to work on that Haven fic but unfortunately Aloysius hasn’t been co-operating with me despite all my best efforts to make him speak.  I may take a break from writing and pivot towards completing some art memes, but Wednesday just sort of crept up on me and here we are.  So instead, I’m sharing something that both is but also isn’t a work in progress?

It’s “in progress” because while I’m happy with where it currently is, I’ve said that about playlists and soundtracks before and later changed them.  I’ve worked hard on this and talked several friends’ ears off about songs I’ve heard or artists that seemed to work and thanks to their feedback I think this is a really good one.  It’s gone through several edits as well, and may potentially even go through more down the road.  So I’m saying this counts for today.

If you give it a listen (and I hope you do because I’m very proud of it so far), I hope you enjoy it and maybe discover an artist you didn’t know before.  It clocks in at around 51 minutes and features 13 tracks which span Quinn Trevelyan’s story and important events of the main game through to Trespasser.

If you are interested, below the cut is a list of tracks and a brief blurb or description about who or what they’re meant to represent.  I was going to go into things in more depth and talk about how I built it, why I picked the songs I did, and the B-Sides that were left on the cutting room floor, but after realizing I had written nearly 4 pages about just as many songs, I realized it was too much for anyone to read.  So below is just a very brief summary and I think that most of the music would speak for itself, but I’m happy to expand more on anything that anyone finds either interesting… or confusing.  (There is also Solas content because I knew a few of you love that.)

You have to click on this sentence to go to the playlist because Tumblr’s coding for “Read More” seems to be conflicting with the HTML code to embed a functional playlist.  Because of course it is.

Quinn’s tarot card is the Wheel of Fortune as his story is a series of unpredictable highs and lows.  What the Maker giveth, He also taketh away.  The playlist follows that trend of highs and lows with upbeat songs followed by darker or more mellow ones.  Whenever I create a playlist, I try to think of a general tone or sound that I want to be carried through the soundtrack.  I want the overall genre or sound to tell the story as much as the individual songs.  Because of that, you’ll see artists repeat a couple of times, and when they do it’s always intentional.  You’ll also notice that most of the vocalists are male.  This was again intentional because this is Quinn’s story, and he’s a man.  They are his songs and I wanted the vocals to reflect that.

The Cult of Dionysus - pre-Conclave Quinn

Quinn at his most basic and stereotypical before any character development happens whatsoever - poppish, upbeat, and maybe just a little obnoxious.  He smokes, he drinks, he fucks, and nothing else matters.

The Sound of Silence - Aloysius’ Theme

I like Aloysius as a more practical view and examination of Quinn and the cult that grows around him.  He affords an opportunity to look at Quinn both as the Herald but also as just a person.  He is stoic and mild-mannered, a dutiful soldier, and an excellent foil for Quinn.  This is also absolutely a reference to an Arrested Development joke.

Isle of Dogs - Quinn’s true theme

Quinn is a walking disaster constantly falling victim to his own hubris.  There’s a morose sort of resentment to the lyrics, of someone who is constantly struggling against the tide.  In a lot of ways, this is basically a reaction or push back to all the crap I have put him through.

Providence - “In Hushed Whispers”

There are no Templars here.  The first few lines relate a lot to the dismissal the fledgling Inquisition receives from what remains of the Chantry, but the rest of the lyrics are very much about the mages and Fiona’s dealings with the Venatori.

Seven Devils - “In Your Heart Shall Burn

No male vocals in this one to symbolize the change in perspective.  This is both a bit of an easy and obvious choice for this story beat.  Female vocals for Corypheus might seem strange, but when I created my Warden’s soundtrack I tended to use powerful choruses and female vocals for anything related to Blight, Archdemons, or the darkspawn.  I carried that idea over to this as Corypheus is one of the seven Magisters.

Caesar - becoming the Inquisitor

This is a softer and quiet interlude in the wake of the loss of Haven and struggle through the snow.  If the previous song marks the end of the first act, this song marks the beginning of the second.

King - “Here Lies the Abyss”

In my written world state, Alistair is both the king and the Grey Warden contact (this goes back to that longform fic I am working on).  I suppose it’s a bit unfair because in the end that has a major impact on why Quinn makes the decision he does at Adamant (a rather threatening letter from the Warden helps too).  Think of this as a duet between Quinn and Hawke.

My Type - the love interest

“Here Lies the Abyss” was completed first, then a romance triggered, then “Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts”.  This is that sort of inbetween interlude and is very much inspired by how I may have flirted with multiple characters a little too much and basically triggered several romances at once.  I also went into Quinn’s playthrough having no idea who I was going to romance and just let him shop around.  And it came down to a coin flip in the end, so “you have a pulse and you are breathing” is pretty much the only standards he has.

Boheme Supreme - party at Halamshiral

All I have to say is that I love techno swing, every single lyric in this song is perfect, and I want you all to picture Quinn Trevelyan walking into the Winter Palace with his Inner Circle entourage around him, dressed up in that outfit I drew with that peacock feathered cap and having a drink in his hand throughout the entire night’s affair.

Hell’s Coming With Me - “Doom Upon All the World”

This is the climax of the main game, the rematch between Quinn and Corypheus which I have to imagine is more impressive in concept than it was in game.  I chose the dialogue option when Corypheus calls Quinn an imposter, “I am the Maker’s chosen” as his final challenge.  Sometimes it’s easy to forget that this main is actually very Andrastian.  But he is, and the lyrics, “I am the righteous hand of God/And I am the Devil that you forgot/And I told you one day will see/I’ll be back I guarantee/And that Hell’s coming with me” are the perfect declaration.

Paradise - Jaws of Hakkon & The Descent

Another interlude song.  If the previous one is triumphant than this one is the beginning of a bad turn.  In the interim between the events of the main game and the Exalted Council, things begin to go wrong in little ways.  His relationship with Cassandra begins to break down, eventually ending in the two of them having frequent spats and going their separate ways after returning from the Frostback Basin.  This song is deceptively sarcastic about how good things are.

I Still Love You, Judas - Solas’ Betrayal

Solas… oh, Solas.  Does this song indicate a very complicated and layered relationship between Quinn and Solas?  Yes! Have I attempted to unpack any of this?  Nope!  Have fun with this one!

Tagging for this week: @kita-lavellan @silvanils @nivenor-krosis @drag-on-age @rosella-writes @inquisitoracorn

Battle Cries - Quinn and Cassandra

I saved this one for the very end because it is a story within a story.  It is sad and bittersweet, but also not.  This entire thing feels to me like a duet between Quinn and Cass on what was good, what could never last, and that it’s all over now but that’s okay.  Because “this isn’t a breakup, dear heart, it’s a season finale.”  Does this mean that Quinn sounds like Joey Batey when he sings?  Sure, why not.

[yamithediaperdork]

My little Brothers revenge- Final

The next day at school time dragged by for Justin. while his teacher was tickled pink that he'd done so well on his extra credit work, Grizz's hadn't been met with the same gushing, and more of a "well at least you tried and I appreciate the effort you put in."

Needless to say this didn't help mend any fences between Grizz and Justin and come noon hour Rayne was even angrier. It had only been the fact that Rayne was one more suspension for fighting at school and he'd be expelled that saved Justin from a ass kicking.

With all the grades going to the same school and the lunch hours the same, Justin found himself hanging out with Alex's group ironically, and even then they only allowed it because Alex had let them in on what he had planned for Justin.

As it got closer and closer to 3 Justin toyed with trying to get himself detention so he'd have to stay after school and put off his upcoming humiliation but then pictured trying to explain it to his parents and that wasn't a fun mental picture either.

As the final bell rang and the loser's club met up to walk Justin home, claiming to be his honor guard to protect him, Justin mentally wondered what he had done to deserve all this.

Their dad worked 9 to five five days a week so he wasn't home as the boys arrived, and Mom had recently taken up a part time job working 12 to 5 herself.

She had waited till Justin was old enough to be trusted to look after Alex, though if she had known what was about to happen she might not of been as eager to start a job.

"Alright BABY brother..ready for your first of many, many diapers?" Alex asked as they got inside, practically bouncing he was so excited.

"Would it make a difference if I said no?" Justin groaned, though he had accepted this was happening.

"heh, not in the least bit! Max, would you be a pal and go and get ohhh.. i dunno, what do you guys think would be a good number of diapers for widdle Justin to wear?" Alex chuckled, looking at Max, Kyle and Lyle.

"Well we want him padded for awhile so I say one." Max said, nodding thoughtfully.

"Bull dooky on that!" Kyle giggled. "10!"

Justin paled at that and whined loudly.

"Uhhh I like the idea of that.. but I think we're gonna have to be more realistic." Lyle said, rubbing the back of his head. "3?"

"Heh, all good suggestions. Max, I know we want this to last awhile but i also want a waddle in his set. Kyle, I like how you think but maybe save that for when mom and dad aren't gonna be around. we don't want him busted in diapers right off the bat. I think we'll just go double diapers for now and see how that works." Alex said and nodded to Max.

With Max heading down into the basement to get the diapers from where they'd been stashed, Alex had the twins go and make sure doors were locked and curtains were pulled, then go down into the basement and pick out some baby toys for widdle Justin.

"ah come on, playing with baby toy's in the living room?" Justin whined.

"I can always have you play in the front yard." Alex said with a smug grin.

"..Oh boy! playing in the living room! weeee!" Justin said quickly, sweat dropping.

"That's what I thought. Lose the pants and undies."

getting the diapers on Justin's big butt turned out to be a bit harder then Alex had figured, and he wasn't sure if he was gonna trust them for a stinky accident though he was positive they'd hold up to wet ones.

'eh, so i just make him a pants pisser. win some, lose some.' Alex thought with a grin.

He was currently using a role of light green masking tape and after using it to make sure the sides of the diapers were fixed on tight, he was running it around Justin's waist so they're would be no quick and easy getting out of the diapers and Alex would know if he had taken them off without permission.

Just to make sure he had each of the loser club sign they're named in pen on the waist band as Justin turned red as a cherry and had his hands to his face looking ready to cry.

"Now Little Justin.. I want you to TRY and be a big boy and use the potty for uh-oh's." Alex said as he finished signing his name.

"What!? After he made-" Lyle started up.

"-Us poop ourselves!?" Kyle finished, both twins filed with righteous anger.

"Justin would be too toxic to hide it, plus I'm not sure the diapers will take a load of back door fudge without leaking. anyone wanna clear that up?" Alex asked.

"heh, yeah guys, Alex has a point. sides, you two DID turn Judas on us so consider crapping yourself karma." max added.

"For the record, I am perfectly fine with crapping in the potty." Justin chimed in.

"That's good to know baby bro. though there's just onnnnne thing about that.." Alex said and flashed a impish grin.

"Why do I get the feeling this is gonna suck." Justin muttered, shifting and crinkling in his white and pink diapers.

"Because despite what your test scores say, your not stupid." Alex giggled. "Anyways, You have to get permission from one of us to go and use the potty for boom boom and one of us will be waiting by the door to make sure your in your diapies when you come out. or if you need help with your pampers after."

"Of freaking course.." Justin whined as the loser club laughed.

Sat on the soft blanket on the floor and in a t-shirt and diapers, Justin was made to put on a show for the younger boys using the stuffies that the twins had fished out of the basement for him.

they had been washed and dried before being stored in a plastic bag so no one was worried about Justin getting sick as he had a interesting epic war between 4 teddy bears and then a lion, tiger and bear stuffie. (And yes a 'oh my' comment had been dropped.)

The only reason Justin didn't have a paci in his mouth at the the moment was the fact that the loser's club wanted to heard EVERY single bit of the 'plot' of Justin's little show he was putting on for them, even though it was clear that he sucked at improv.

"S-So then uh.. the Lion decided that the four bears had disgraced the bear on his team too many times at.. gathering..honey! yeah honey and so-"

the losers just chuckled and encouraged Justin on, though he never once go into the being a big baby dork to their disappointment.

the story came to a sudden end however when Justin turned beet red and dropped the stuffies and his hands went to his crotch. he'd been on his knees at the point and hunched over.

"Alex..alex please..I gotta take a whiz so bad my back teeth are floating.." Justin whimpered.

"And? your WEARING your bathroom for piddles remember little guy?" Alex asked smugly.

"..O-Oh and I have to take a crap! so you better le-" Justin tried but Max snorted.

"Nice try dip shit. you must think we're as stupid as Rayne if we're gonna fall for that." Max said.

"But..But..I can't just wet myself like a baby!" Justin whimpered.

"Oh! I know what the problem is!" Lyle said, locking eyes with Kyle, who shared his brothers grin.

"Yeah, me too! don't worry Justin! we'll help you!" Kyle said.

Before Alex or Max or even Justin could ask what they meant, the twins had sprung up from their seats and tackled Justin to the floor though a combination of surprise and leverage, then they were on top of him and tickling his sides.

"ah! No Stopppp!" Justin cried out, actually being fairly ticklish though normally it wasn't a weakness Alex could take advantage of as Justin would just easily over power him.

the tickling made what little bit of self control Justin had left vanish in mere seconds and with a wail that made all of the losers club wince, and some dogs around the block howl, Justin flooded his pretty pink and white diapers.

If Justin had thought the low point of his day had been being made to wet himself, he soon found out just how much worse it would get as the heavy soaked padding sagged around his hips, and he was told how he'd have to earn a diapie change before their parents got home.

"Unless of course you wanna risk leaking during supper." Alex chuckled.

"...I hate you. SO much right now." Justin huffed, rubbing at his tear stained checks.

"Awww don't be like that, you'll hurt big brothers feelings" Alex scolded but couldn't stop grinning.

"You should be thankful we're giving you a way to earn a diaper change nice and quick anyways." Max added. "We could just wait half a hour and let you squish around in your soaked diapies."

"Yeah, I think you should tell Alex how much-" Kyle started

"-You love him and how he's the bestest big brother in the world." Lyle finished.

"..Your joking right? It's bad enough I gotta do the stupid diapie change song, now you want me t-" Justin started to rant, but was cut off.

"Say it or you can sing till your blue in the face, I won't change you till 3 minutes before mom and dad are due home." Alex interrupted.

"...I Love you Alex and you the best big brother in the world." Justin said, huffing and saying it in a flat tone.

"no no no, say it with some gusto!" Max snickered, bringing out his cell phone to record.

"Fuck my life.." Justin groaned and face palmed, then taking a deep breath and forcing a cheerful tone into his voice. "Gee golly big brother! I wove you sooo much! your the bestest big brother ever!"

between the goofy look on his face and the statement, the loser's club was roaring with laughter.

"Awww, I love you too. now let's get on with your little song~" Alex wheezed between laughs.

Set to the tune of tinkle tinkle little star, Justin started singing.

"Tinkle tinkle in my pants,

I just blew my last chance to wear big boy pants.

wetting my my diapers till their super soggy

It makes me sleepy and kinda groggy

Alex please change my diaper butt

then pat me on the head like I'm a mutt."

Needless to say Justin wished a hole would open up in the earth and swallow him whole, but the performance was deemed acceptable by the losers club who noted it wasn't like Justin wouldn't have time to perfect his act.

One soggy diaper change later, and after letting Justin sit on the potty for five minutes and try and go 'uh-oh', and Justin was in two of the blue and white diapers this time and was allowed to wear a baggy pair of shorts over them as Alex set him to work doing any chores that needed to be done while the loser's club did their homework.

with the chores done Justin mentioned that he was kinda thirsty and so much to his humiliation (and the losers club delight) he was given a sippy cup full of Kool-aid to drink, never having noticed that some pills had been slipped in and dissolved, just chalking the weird taste up to the sippy cup being old.

He was sipping away on pills that would make sure he was peeing like a race horse and having to stick around Alex all night long, as well as a mild sedative that would have him going night night much earlier then normal. (one of Alex's new goals was to have a later bedtime then his big brother naturally.)

After finishing his sippy cup Justin was supervised as he did his homework and the rest of the losers club took off since technically they weren't suppose to be over.

Ironically compared to all the other times Alex had attempted to tutor his big brother, somehow having him in double diapers had him paying more attention and picking up on what was going on faster then normal.

'huh, Maybe I SHOULD send him to school in diapers..at least on test days.' Alex wondered and giggled a little.

Justin looked up, wondering what the the giggling was about but Alex just put him back to work.

The rest of the night was mostly incident free except for a cute moment at the supper table when Justin had been in the middle of telling his parents how happy his teacher had been with the extra work he'd done AND was giving props to Alex for helping him when he just stopped, their parents giving him a weird look but Alex knew full well what was happened, baby Justin was making piddles.

"It's Ok Justin, you don't have to hide I helped you." Alex said, jumping in and playing it as if Justin was worried they'd be mad. "I didn't just give him the answers but helped him to find them on his own. we're gonna start doing stuff like that more often so Justin can keep his grades up for when he wants to join the football team next year."

"Heh. Well ok." Dad said super proud. "Justin, I don't mind if Alex is helping you, just as long as he's not giving you the quick and easy way out."

"Oh trust me, I don't make this easy on Justin. right bro?" Alex said and smirked, winking at Justin.

Only their mother seemed to pick up on the fact there was two different conversations going on, but being tired from work she left well enough alone.

And so after supper Alex changed Justin's diaper and let him sit on the potty for 10 minutes to see if he could made boom boom (and to Justin's humiliation, he was praised and told what a good boy he was when he DID manage it)

Re-diapered and lead to the bedroom, Justin found himself super wiped and ready for bed even though it wasn't even 8 pm yet, but just chalked it up to his stressful day.

"Hey squ- Big brother.." Justin mumbled, rubbing a eye as he headed for his bed.

"Yessss?" Alex asked, already knowing where this was going.

"Can you tell mom and dad I'm too sleepy and going to bed early?" He asked.

"of course I can' you don't mind if I stay up do you?" Alex asked, but Justin was laying in bed, eyes closed.

"What..whatever." he yawns and was snoring softly before Alex even left the room.

Day's turned into weeks, and before long Justin's once 11 pm on weekday's bedtime had been adjusted to a 8 pm one, with Alex's jumping from 9 pm to 11.

Ironically, 4 days into the diaper punishment from Alex, and Justin's padding had been found by they're mom, Forcing Alex to come up with a off the top of his head story about how Justin had started bed wetting too and begging mom not to tell dad because Justin didn't want dad thinking he was a wuss.

that was ALSO why Justin hadn't said anything and only asked Alex for his help.

their mom had bought the line hook line and sinker, but had also gone and tossed out the other diapers and still told their dad about it, before taking Justin out to pick out his own diapers.

Naturally Alex was giggling his butt off the whole time they were gone and telling his friends about it.

Grizz and Rayne never really forgave Justin and isolated him more and more and so it became more and more natural for Justin to hang out with Alex's friends and just be treated like everyone's kid brother, even as his accidents got worse and he started needed day time diapers as well.

Ironically the daytime wetting, at least during school hours WEREN'T something Alex was behind, but it only reinforced the perception of Justin being their little guy.

at the same time as Justin's accidents got worse Alex finally stopped wetting the bed and just kept his avengers diapers around for when he or the other loser's wear to make Justin who had turned into a cry baby feel better.

And so, a tale that began with one brother being a bully and a dick ends with the bed wetter now the big brother despite being smaller and younger, and a ex-bully now a 24/7 diaper dork. Don't you just love a happy ending?

[belphegorswhore]

I make my mom react to the A3! CGs while she has cramps

red: me

blue: my sister

purple: my mom

“First pic”

“They all look the same, well they’re all dressed the same. They’re going to a wedding.”

“Actually, they’re actors”

“No, this is my story. The guy in the middle (Sakuya) is getting married cause he has a pink collar. That guy’s (Citron) like ‘yeah, he’s getting married but look at my butt’”

“What!?”

“Yeah and the other guy (Itaru) is like ‘look at my strong hips’ The guy on the edge (Masumi) is actually checking for a pimple. He didn’t know they were taking the picture and he was like ‘is that a pimple?’”

“No.”

“The guy in the back (Tsuzuru) is judging them all, he’s like ‘what are they doing..?’ So, these three (Sakuya, Citron, Itaru) are posing for the picture and the other two (Masumi, Tsuzuru) didn’t even know the picture was being taken”

“They’re all drunk”

“No, they’re still actors!”

“And most of them are children!”

“No, they’re drunk. The guy in the middle (Muku) just threw up in his mouth. Those guys (Misumi, Tenma) are having too much fun. Actually, that guy (Misumi) just got there and he’s going to pass out. That girl (Yuki)-“

“That’s a guy”

“No, they’re both (Yuki, Muku) girls”

“But they’re all guys”

“...No, they’re girls. Anyways, that girl (Yuki) is really strong and can handle her alcohol. So is that girl (Muku), She threw up, but she’s good. Also, that guy (Kazunari) barely drank anything yet. Basically, those two girls (Yuki, Muku) are really strong and the other guys (Misumi, Tenma, Kazunari) are gonna all pass out.”

“They’re handcuffed together, by the way”

“Ew, I can smell their crotches!”

“:0”

“They both smell really bad, they’re in quarantine and they’re scared of water. They’re turning away from each other because they both smell so bad”

“Okay, but why are they handcuffed to each other?”

“Because they’re both tempted to leave quarantine, so they handcuffed each other so they wouldn’t leave. But, they’re scared to poop because they don;t want the other guy to see.”

“This one’s sad, but whatever”

“Is he throwing up glitter?”

“No, he’s crying!”

“No, that’s glitter. He was so fascinated by the glitter that he just kept eating it. Right here he’s crying like ‘I’m sick! I shouldn’t have eaten the glitter!’ and the other guy is laughing like ‘haha, I tricked you..’“

“*gasp* That’s the bride! (Hisoka)”

“WHat!?”

“From the first picture? The wedding?”

“Yeah, but she’s sad because she doesn’t want to get married to that guy.”

“Actually, that’s a guy”

“No, anyways, she (Azuma) is like ‘cool, you’re getting married but I have work, so hurry up.’ and SHE (Homare) is actually happy for her.”

“They’re all guys!”

“No. The guy in the middle (Tsumugi) is actually in love with the guy she’s getting married to. They’re having an affair and she doesn’t know.”

“*laughing way to hard*”

“That guy (Tasuku) is actually in love with the bride, so he’s sad. He loves her more than the guy getting married, so they would be better together.”

“Sleep over with the boyys”

“They’re talking about the disciples”

“Like... from the bible?”

“Yeah, they’re trying to figure out which disciple they are.”

“Itaru is Judas”

“They’re trying to arm wrestle, but they totally failed and they’re doing in backwards. They were like ‘yeah we look prettier this way’”

“They’re high-fiving”

“No, they’re also totally trying to smell each other’s cologne.”

“They’re both secretly farting.”

“Why are you like this!?”

“They were at a party and they both stepped out because they needed to fart, but they don’t know that. They keep smelling a fart, but they don;t bring it up becasue they think it’s their own fart.”

“That’s so specific, did you have an experience like that?”

“Yeah..”

BONUS:

“Oh my god, that looks like a girl”

“(for the 400th time) That’s literally a guy”

“No that’s a girl.... I feel like a lesbian.”

“WhAt?”

“You feel like a lesbian!? WHY!?”

“Because I feel strangely attracted to her..”

(We died)

Then my mom left because she felt like her “stomach was exploding” or smth lmao.

[jaimehwatson]

I made another Snowpiercer playlist!

After posting my Wilford/Audrey playlist a while ago, I added some songs that didn’t quite make the cut to a different playlist, intending to put together another similar one. But rather than focusing on just one ship this time, I also ended up getting really interested in theorizing about what Wilford’s relationship with Melanie might have been like before the Freeze, and exploring the idea that maybe there was something going on there and some kind of love triangle with Audrey.

So here’s my new playlist, full of absolute jams that could apply to any combination of relationships involving Wilford, Audrey, and Melanie, and/or just general Snowpiercer vibes! Read on for more detail about the songs I selected, and as before, content warning for references to canon abuse & self-harm/suicide.

1. “The Tradition” by Halsey

Oh, the loneliеst girl in town Was bought for plenty a price Well, they dress her up in golden crowns His smile hides a lie

She smiles back, but it's a fact That her fear will eat her alive Well, she got the life that she wanted But now all she does is cry

Thanks @onetrainsnowpiercer​ for getting me into this excellent album! I thought it would be fitting to kick off the playlist with one that could suit the earlier days of Wilford’s relationship with Audrey, like my previous playlist was more focused on.

2. “cardigan” by Taylor Swift

'Cause I knew you Steppin' on the last train Marked me like a bloodstain, I

I knew you Tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy, I

I knew you Leavin' like a father Running like water, I And when you are young, they assume you know nothing

Did you think I would make a Snowpiercer playlist without Taylor Swift on it? Not a chance. I picture this one being more from Melanie’s perspective, reflecting on possibly having had some kind of ill-fated romance with Wilford when she was young and naive.

3. “No Children” by The Mountain Goats

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong

I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do And I hope I never get sober

The only reason this perennial favourite of mine wasn’t on the first playlist was that I had too many Mountain Goats songs already and wanted to keep things balanced. But this one got all the ones that didn’t make it to the first playlist plus some more I thought about later, so I’m kind of giving up on that balance by now. They just have a lot of great songs about terrible relationships, and I love them all so much.

4. “Gold Guns Girls” by Metric

I remember when we were gambling to win Everybody else said, "Better luck next time." I don't wanna bend like the bad girls bend I just wanna be your friend Is it ever gonna be enough?

This is another one that I can picture being about young Melanie, gradually growing more aware of everything that’s terribly wrong with Wilford and his approach to life, and of how little he cares to try to fix it.

5. “You’ve Haunted Me All My Life” by Death Cab for Cutie

And there's a flaw in my heart's design For I keep trying to make you mine

You've haunted me all my life You've haunted me all my life You are the mistress I can't make a wife And you've haunted me all my life

And this one I can see being Wilford thinking about either one of the women, and his unhealthy attachment to them and inability to keep them around for very long—maybe once he’s finally reunited with them both on some level in season 2, but still can’t fully persuade them both over to his side.

6. “Old College Try” by The Mountain Goats

From the cities to the swamplands From the highways to the hills Our love has never had a leg to stand on From the aspirins to the cross-tops to the Elavils

But I will walk down to the end with you If you will come all the way down with me

Another Mountain Goats classic. If you divorce it from its context of being from a concept album about a horrible marriage, I actually think this song is kind of sweet in the way it describes a couple still committing to try to make things work despite a whole host of problems. But never mind that now, because I’m putting it back in the new context of a whole collection of horrible romantic relationships!

7. “Risk” by Metric

So you're beaten up but you bounce back It’s all part of the pull And the story runs like a soundtrack We repeat 'til we're full Started slow, started late Started strong, then we lost faith Started slow, started to lose control The more we accelerate, the more we accelerate

Half of arranging any playlist I make is just trying to split up the Mountain Goats and Metric songs so that they aren’t always clumped together. Anyway, this one seems especially fitting to me in its imagery of a speeding vehicle of some kind (it’s a train, I’m always picturing a train) alongside its description of a relationship going badly.

8. “Big God” by Florence + The Machine

You know I still like you the most The best of the best and the worst of the worst Well, you can never know The places that I go I still like you the most You'll always be my favourite ghost

I think this one could be any one of the three of them contemplating their complex feelings about the past at some point around season 2.

9. “I Still Do” by The Cranberries

I don't want to leave you Even though I have to I don't want to love you Oh, I still do

There aren’t as many specifics that match the characters going on in the lyrics here, since it’s more of just a general break-up song, but I also really like the creepy way it sounds.

10. “Fault Lines” by The Mountain Goats

But none of the money we spend Seems to do us much good in the end I got a cracked engine block, both of us do

Yeah, the house and the jewels, the Italian racecar They don't make us feel better about who we are I got termites in the framework, so do you

This one feels really fitting for pre-Freeze Wilford, especially the engine imagery!

11. “I Don’t Care” by Fall Out Boy

Say my name and his in the same breath I dare you to say they taste the same Let the leaves fall off in the summer And let December glow in flames

Erase myself and let go Start it over again in Mexico These friends, they don't love you They just love the hotel suites

Another song that is simply a) an absolute jam, and b) generally fitting for my favourite obscenely rich asshole and his terrible relationships

12. “You asked for this” by Halsey

I want my cake on a silver platter I want a fistful in my hands I want a beautiful boy's despondent laughter I wanna ruin all my plans I want a fist around my throat I wanna cry so hard, I choke I want everything I asked for

This one I can picture as Audrey—or maybe Melanie too, but especially Audrey—beginning to regret getting involved with Wilford, but only once she’s in way too deep for leaving to be a safe or easy decision.

13. “my tears ricochet” by Taylor Swift

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

Much like several other Taylor Swift songs, I just know in my heart that it’s the type of music Wilford listens to in secret, while possibly drunk and definitely singing along very dramatically. This one he dedicates to Melanie once they’ve met up again in season 2.

14. “Speed the Collapse” by Metric

All the way from where we came Built a mansion in a day Distant lightning, thunder claps Watched our neighbor's house collapse Looked the other way

This one has a lot of good apocalyptic imagery that I can imagine scoring Wilford’s life in the last few years before the Freeze, as he makes his plans to save himself and let so many others die.

15. “Ox Baker Triumphant” by The Mountain Goats

I will thank my ride and crawl my way back inside To the guts of the building where my enemies Hide in the dark like roaches And I will signal the camera crew and everyone will do What he's been trained how to do Sweat dripping from my face as my moment approaches

Click your heels, count to three I bet you never expected me A little worse for wear Practically walking on air

I love this song a lot, and listening to it lately makes me imagine Wilford plotting his revenge while on his way to catch up with Snowpiercer before the end of season 1.

16. “Firewood” by Regina Spektor

The piano is not firewood yet But the cold does get cold So it soon might be that I'll take it apart, call up my friends And we'll warm up our hands by the fire

Don't look so shocked Don't judge so harsh You don't know You’re only spying Everyone knows it's going to hurt But at least we'll get hurt trying

This has to be one of my favourite songs of all time. It’s very beautiful, and I love the piano in it. I’ve always personally interpreted it to be at least partially about someone surviving a suicide attempt, and the overall imagery about burning a piano for warmth—and this bit about not judging someone for doing that—reads to me as more of a general statement about the difficult choices people struggling with mental illness and other similar issues have to make to survive. I listened to it recently and I could picture Audrey singing it in the nightcar. I think it suits her well.

17. “Cry for Judas” by The Mountain Goats

But I am just a broken machine And I do things that I don't really mean Long, black night Morning frost I'm still here But all is lost

I think the imagery of this song suits the show a lot in general, but I can also particularly imagine it being Wilford in a rare moment of self-awareness about how much damage he’s caused to the world and the people around him.

18. “Rock ‘n’ Roll Suicide” by David Bowie

Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth You pull on your finger, then another finger, then your cigarette The wall-to-wall is calling, it lingers, then you forget Oh oh, oh, oh, you're a rock 'n' roll suicide

I love Wilford a lot. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him ever. I hope he kills more people, and I hope he gets his train back, and I hope he wins. But if he does eventually die in the show, I hope he’s found in the bathtub with there being some ambiguity about whether he really killed himself or whether one of his victims turned the tables on him, and I hope the climax of this song swells as the camera pans over his dead body. That’s the only Wilford death I will accept, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

19. “Source Decay” by The Mountain Goats

I park in an alley And I read through the postcards you continue to send Where as indirectly as you can, you ask what I remember I like these torture devices from my old best friend Well, I'll tell you what I know, like I swore I always would I don't think it's gonna do you any good I remember the train headed south out of Bangkok Down toward the water

Okay, I promise this is the last Mountain Goats song on the playlist. It’s just—it’s perfect. It has a train in it. And on the podcast “I Only Listen To The Mountain Goats,” John Darnielle commented that there’s barely anywhere you can go south of Bangkok before you hit the water, it’s a train going nowhere, it’s so good. It’s also one of the songs I’ve previously ripped a line off for my fanfiction titles!

20. “Sellers of Flowers” by Regina Spektor

The sellers of flowers Buy up old roses They pull off dead petals Like old heads of lettuce And sell ’em as new ones For cheaper and fairer But they die by the morning So who is the winner? Not the roses Not the buyers Not the sellers Maybe winter

And Regina Spektor closes out the playlist again! This song is another one I picked more on imagery and vibes than anything else. But since it’s about a young child in a world that seems to be moving inexorably toward an all-consuming winter, if it suits any of the characters, maybe it’s an appearance of Alex here at the end!

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy the playlist!

[gerrymike]

OK. commentary on my satg playlist. For reasons

lol it wont let me hyperlink but. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0w9pMZtOvP0plqdxT665q7?si=wEFnvdh3Rjaa0p2UX251mQ&dl_branch=1 Plug

1. PIEDMONT (DESTROY BOYS)

Looks like I'm late for the party Everyone knows the attire but me Glass walls separate us Catch a glimpse into different books On different shelves

i.e. teen crisis where u want desperately to live the same life as ppl on the street but also can’t imagine anything worse

2. SWEET ADELINE (ELLIOTT SMITH)

It's a picture-perfect evening and I'm staring down the sun Fully loaded, deaf and dumb and done Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head Or any situation where I'm better off than dead

i.e. she’s alive! is that worse or better. also jfc, you fucking hate hospitals

3. ALAMEDA (ELLIOTT SMITH)

You walk down Alameda  Shuffling your deck of trick cards over everyone Like some precious only son Face down, bow to the champion

also

Walk down Alameda  Brushing off the nightmares you wish Could plague me when I'm awake And now you see your first mistake  Was thinking that you could relate For one or two minutes she liked you But the fix is in

i.e. oops it’s two elliotts in a row, sorry. just. about the connection you can form with someone given just a short period of time, and how sometimes it gets ruined by, like, a werewolf. pretty similar to sweet adeline. mx weisglass gets two songs. plus “precious only son” 😬 “shuffling your deck of trick cards” 😬

4. CAN I PLAY WITH MADNESS (IRON MAIDEN)

Give me the sense to wonder To wonder if I'm free Give me a sense of wonder To know I can be me Give me the strength to hold my head up Spit back in their face

i.e. for Me mostly because i think the whiplash from elliott to maiden is kinda funny. also the gerry VS twisty animosity, in over-the-top wizardy terms. sometimes you are full of hate and that’s OK 😬 

5. ICU (PHOEBE BRIDGERS)

If you're a work of art I'm standing too close I can see the brush strokes I hate your mom I hate it when she opens her mouth It's amazing to me How much you can say When you don't know  What you're talking about

and

I'll climb through the window again But right now it feels good not to stand Then I'll leave it wide open Let the dystopian morning light pour in

i.e. we’re back in london…and, well, yeah. also, song title! we’re still in sacramento, actually, spiritually, at this point in the story

6. CRY FOR JUDAS (THE MOUNTAIN GOATS)

Feel the storm every night Hope it passes by Hallucinate a shady grove where Judas went to die Unfurl the black velvet altar cloth Draw a white chalk Baphomet Mistreat your altar boys long enough and this is what you get

i.e. crew. i think about him

7. IRIS (THE GOO GOO DOLLS)

And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight

plus

And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

i.e. OK. OK. OK. yeah, OK. damn right all you can taste is this moment…yeah OK. SONGS5

8. KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS (MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE)

It's been 8 bitter years since I've been seeing your face And you're walking away And I will die in this place

to

It's been 10 fucking years since I've been seeing your face round here And you're walking away And I will drown in the fear

i.e. ah…the lyrical differences in the chorus…yes…also i love how raucous this song is despite what it’s about. it’s got satg energy!!! “seeing your face”, of course, is not literal 😬

9. ENCHANTING GHOST (SUFJAN STEVENS)

Don't carry on carrying efforts, oh no, oh oh oh oh Somewhere there's a room for each of us to grow And if it pleases you to leave me, just go, oh oh oh oh Stopping you would stifle your enchanting ghost

and

Did you cut your hands on me? Are my edges sharp? Am I a pest to feed?

i.e. 😬😬😬

10. PAUL (BIG THIEF)

In the blossom of the months I was sure that I'd get driven off with thought So I swallowed all of it As I realized there was no one  Who could kiss away my shit

and PARTICULARLY

Well Paul, I know you said That you'd take me any way I came or went But I'll push you from my brain See, you're gentle baby I couldn't stay, I'd only bring you pain

i.e. HARROWING TERRITORY!!!

11. PITSELEH (ELLIOTT SMITH)

I'll tell you why I Don't wanna know where you are I gotta joke I've been dying to tell you

i.e. sorry. a lot of elliott smith on this playlist. thems the breaks

12. OPHELIA (THE LUMINEERS)

Oh, Ophelia You've been on my mind girl like a drug Oh, Ophelia Heaven help a fool who falls in love

i.e. callbacks to SONGS5…! and more pain

13. CLOUDS (BORNS)

I forget all my dreams I forget everyones name I meet I forget about time and space But I can't stop thinking 'bout your face

i.e. tfw your memory’s shit and also you just threw yourself into the sky and you’re still not over it. yowch!

14. ARCADE (DUNCAN LAWRENCE)

Oh, oh-oh-oh oh Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh All I know, all I know Loving you is a losing game

i.e. sorry i heard this song first in a c#tradora edit and i have never recovered.

15. WARS (OF MONSTERS AND MEN)

Yeah, I love you on the weekends But I'm careless and I'm wicked Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war I still have pieces of you stuck on me Pieces of you stuck on me Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war

i.e. PIECES OF YOU STUCK ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the only song of the new omam i’ve heard. i never got around to listening to it. but this one slaps

16. MONTERO (LIL NAS X)

Lookin' at the table, all I see is weed and white Baby, you livin' the life, but baby, you ain't livin' right Cocaine and drinkin' with your friends You live in the dark, boy, I cannot pretend

AND

A sign of the times every time that I speak A dime and a nine, it was mine every week What a time, an incline, God was shinin' on me Now I can't leave And now I'm actin' hella elite

AND ESPECIALLY

I want that jet lag from fuckin' and flyin'

i.e. God i love this song. re: avatarhood. YOU CAN’T LEAVE!!! not saying it’s like being a celebrity, but it’s like being a celebrity. dual perspectives here with G + his morality regarding the person he loves being, uh, evil? (you live in the dark / i cannot pretend) and M + debt he owes to his god, erosion of his own morals. also, SHEER F*CKING VIBES

17. GEYSER (MITSKI)

You're my number one You're the one I want And you've turned down Every hand that has beckoned me to come

i.e. love songs that serve double as to your god and to your lover

18. THAT’S WHAT I LIKE (BRUNO MARS)

Jump in the Cadillac (Girl, let's put some miles on it) Anything you want (Just to put a smile on it) You deserve it baby, you deserve it all

i.e. this song is here because i say so. a real “sorry it’s been seven years let me make it up to you” vibe

19. RUN AWAY WITH ME (SUFJAN STEVENS)

And I say, love Come run away with me Sweet, falling remedy Come run away with me

i.e. more grand ridiculous propositions. more to come. but they’re born out of a real frustration with the situation at hand! it sucks! also, “falling remedy”,

20. LET’S GET MARRIED (BLEACHERS)

I'm gonna get right for you, honey I'll take all of my medicine, spend you all my money, yeah I know it's hard enough to love me But I woke up in a safe house singing, "Honey, let's get married"

i.e. bro.

21. I WILL (MITSKI)

And while you sleep I'll be scared So by the time you wake I'll be brave

i.e. a lot of these here are self explanatory..

22. ME & MY DOG (BOYGENIUS)

I had a fever Until I met you Now you make me cool

also

I never said I'd be all right Just thought I could hold myself together But I couldn't breathe, I went outside Don't know why I thought it'd be any better I'm fine now, it doesn't matter

i.e. title is significant. and yeah. just. recovery’s tricky

23. I FOUND (AMBER RUN)

And I've moved further than I thought I could But I missed you more than I thought I would

i.e. this is like a staple song for like. basically. any pairing. but i’m pathetic and it gets me every time. there’s something about it. not sure if i’m going to leave it on this playlist but. hm. yeah

OK that’s a wrap. highly likely i’ll put more songs on this as i go

[kristenswig]

Best Picture

Nomadland

The Trial of the Chicago 7

Minari

Mank

Judas and the Black Messiah

Promising Young Woman

One Night in Miami

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

The Father If 10- Sound of Metal In Its Flop Era- News of the World How Far Are We Taking This Bit- The Mauritanian No- Da 5 Bloods Fell Off- Soul Get Out of My House- Borat

Best Director

Chloe Zhao - Nomadland

David Fincher - Mank

Lee Isaac Chung - Minari

Emerald Fennell - Promising Young Woman

Shaka King - Judas and the Black Messiah I Simply Do Not Accept It Into My Heart - Aaron Sorkin - The Trial of the Chicago 7 Let’s Ask Oscar Nominated Directors Ben Affleck, Denzel Washington, and Bradley Cooper How This Goes - Regina King - One Night in Miami I’m Not Seeing It But I Would Like To - Florian Zeller - The Father Still No - Spike Lee - Da 5 Bloods Whoever the Hell Directed This - “Paul Greengrass” - News of the World Wouldn’t Be That Surprising - Thomas Vinterberg - Another Round

Best Actress

Viola Davis - Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Frances McDormand - Nomadland

Carey Mulligan - Promising Young Woman 

Vanessa Kirby - Pieces of a Woman

Andra Day - The United States vs. Billie Holiday Fad - Rosamund Pike - I Care a Lot Stop Trying to Make This Happen - Sophia Loren - The Life Ahead I Do Have to Be Impressed With Netflix’s Blatant Astroturfing of This Campaign/Movie - Zendaya - Malcolm & Marie shestrying.jpg - Amy Adams - Hillbilly Elegy

Best Actor

Chadwick Boseman - Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Anthony Hopkins - The Father

Riz Ahmed - Sound of Metal

Steven Yeun - Minari

Gary Oldman - Mank Tempting- Tahar Rahim - The Mauritanian Most Acting- Delroy Lindo - Da 5 Bloods Sure!- Mads Mikkelsen - Another Round

Supporting Actress

Yuh-Jung Youn - Minari

Maria Bakalova - Borat

Olivia Colman - The Father

Amankda Seyfried - Mank

Dominique Fishback - Judas and the Black Messiah Do I Dare Predict This Snub - Glenn Close - Hillbilly Elegy Still Feels Like a Globes Thing - Jodie Foster - The Mauritanian Even I Didn’t Get Why This Was Supposed to Happen - Ellen Burstyn - Pieces of a Woman Shut It Down - Helena Zengel - News of the World

Supporting Actor

Daniel Kaluuya - Judas and the Black Messiah

Sacha Baron Cohen - Trial of the Chicago 7

Leslie Odom Jr. - One Night in Miami

Paul Raci - Sound of Metal

David Strathairn - Nomadland Nothing for This Movie - Chadwick Boseman - Da 5 Bloods Everything for This Movie? - Alan Kim - Minari Also a Fad - Jared Leto - The Little Things

Adapted Screenplay

Nomadland

The Father

One Night in Miami

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

B*rat Should’ve Just Sat There and Ate Your Tech Nominations - News of the World Ok - The Mauritanian When Did This Category Get So Many Contenders - The White Tiger BONNIE WAKE UP - I’m Thinking of Ending Things BONNIE STAY WITH ME I NEED YOU - First Cow

Original Screenplay

Trial of the Chicago 7

Mank

Promising Young Woman

Minari

Judas and the Black Messiah Probably Stupid Not to Predict This - Sound of Metal In Another Year - Soul They Probably Watched This - Palm Springs They Did Not Watch This - Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Cinematography

Nomadland

Mank

News of the World

The Trial of the Chicago 7 (???)

Judas and the Black Messiah Was Going to Predict This Until the ASC Happened - Minari Cherk? - Cherk The Worst Shot Movie of the Year - Da 5 Bloods His Movies Only End Up Here If It’s Also a Best Picture Nominee - Tenet Automatic B&W Possibilities - Malcolm & Marie, Dear Comrades, Gunda

Costume Design

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Mank

Emma

Personal History of David Copperfield

Jingle Jangle CHAOS NOMINEE They Didn’t Care for Aladdin?- Mulan Another Tempting Pick- Ammonite Feel Like It Should’ve Had a Guild Nomination- News of the World Aggressive- Promising Young Woman Recent- The United States vs. Billie Holiday

Film Editing

The Trial of the Chicago 7

Nomadland

Promising Young Woman

Sound of Metal

The Father (the gif is at the ready) I Had Mank in Too Many Categories So I Dropped It From Here - Mank Is In The BP Top 5 - Minari Already Predicting That This Movie Will Stomp So - Judas and the Black Messiah The Paul Greengrass Version of This Movie Would’ve Scored - News of the World Again Only When He’s In Best Picture - Tenet

Makeup and Hair

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

Hillbilly Elegy

Birds of Prey

The Glorias

Jingle Jangle AGAIN Another Mank Prediction Drop - Mank Is It Flashy Enough?? - Emma Gaslighting is When I’m Told Another Pinocchio Movie Came Out - Pinocchio

Production Design

Mank

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom

News of the World

The Midnight Sky

Tenet See Above Re: Aladdin - Mulan They Don’t Like Women’s Period Pieces Here - Emma Deserves Pt. 1 - The Father Enough - The Trial of the Chicago 7 Deserves Pt. 2 - Personal History of David Copperfield

Score

Soul

Mank

Minari

The Midnight Sky

Tenet Literally No Clue - News of the World Watch Another Movie - The Trial of the Chicago 7 Kristenswig Official FYC - The Invisible Man

how did we literally get rid of sound editing before this category

the one song about speaking

the one song about seeing

the one song about fighting

the one song about hearing

I had the word “Eurovision” blacklisted on this website and also Twitter so I didn’t even know this movie existed until like 4 months after it came out Stacey - Abrams Minari?? The Only Song I’ve Actually Heard and then Voluntarily Listened to Again - Green

Sound et al.

Sound of Metal

Mank

News of the World

Greyhound

Tenet (although I’m sensing a potential breakup between this branch and Christopher Nolan coming) There Was The....Music - Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom There Was Also Music - Soul Bucket Shitting - Nomadland Space! - The Midnight Sky

Visual Effects

Tenet

The Midnight Sky

Welcome to Chechnya

Mank

The ! One ! and ! Only ! Ivan ! Not Feeling Her - Mulan the what - Love and Monsters

Animated Feature

Soul

Wolfwalkers

Over the Moon

Onward (the sample size for two Pixars potentially being nominated at the same time is like...one non-pandemic year)

Shaun the Sheep ??? - The Croods Most Influential - Trolls World Tour Literally Nothing Would Surprise Me - Bombay Rose We Already Have Netflix Covered Twice Here - The Willoughbys When tf Did This Come Out - No. 7 Cherry Lane 

Doc Feature

Time (or is this the frontrunner that gets snubbed every year)

Collective

Welcome to Chechnya

Boys State

All In This Makes Sense! - MLK/FBI This Makes Sense! - Crip Camp This Makes Sense! - The Truffle Hunters This Makes Sense! - Dick Johnson Is Dead

The Artist Formerly and More Accurately Known as Best Foreign Language Film

Another Round

Quo Vadis Aida

Collective

Two of Us

The Man Who Sold His Skin There Are Like 500 Ways You Could Spin The Last 3 Spots In This Category and I Wouldn’t Be Shocked So In Descending Order of Likelihood? - Dear Comrades, La Llorona, I’m No Longer Here, Night of Kings

[shanie-the-toyaddict]

1, 9, 15, 17, 21, 25, 26, 29, 33, 41, 46, 48, 54, 59, 68, 73, 81, 96, 98

😊

Oh my word! That's a lot!

Ok, here goes.

Behind cut for length

1. Name - I prefer Shanie but my parents call me “Mis”. Well, my mom calls me “Mis” my father calls me “Pooch” which I despise. Just stick with Shanie.

9. What did you study - I changed majors midway through college. I started out as an art major focusing on computer animation. That didn’t work out at ALL. Turns out I sucked ass at computer animation. Too much math involved. So I switched to a major in teaching with minors in history and popular culture. Unfortunately I failed at that too and, while I did graduate, it was with a degree in “Planned Program” which is a polite way of saying “General Ed”. I did earn my two minors though, so I guess that’s something!

15. Relationship Status -  Single. Very Very Single. I haven’t had a single date in about 10 years. By the looks of it, I’m going to stay single.

17. Do you have a crush - Do celebrities count? If not then no. I don't even know anyone IRL to have crushes on. I legit have nobody in my IRL life outside of my parents and my case manager. Kind of hard to have a crush when you don't have any friends or even acquaintances.

21: How was your day -  Well, today I got nothing accomplished. I did have a meeting with my case manager, so that was nice. It’s nice to have someone to talk to and infodump on (which she lets me). Outside of that I woke up, had breakfast, lunch, and dinner, had a nap, and went to Dairy Queen for ice cream on the way home. Unfortunately, DQ is on the far side of town and by the time I got home, it was melted. So it went in the fridge to eat later once it refreezes. Outside of that it was a pretty boring day.

25. Your fears - Whoo-ee. Ok. So coming in with the borderline I’d say my biggest fear is abandonment. That just comes with the territory. After that I have a huge fear of storms and waking up in a fire, both brought about by recurring nightmares. I also have a fear of flying (too much Air Crash Investigations) and I hate elevators. I’m not claustrophobic mind you, I just have a fear that they will fall on me. Anything over 3 stories and I’m having an anxiety attack. There are other, lesser fears but those are some of the big ones.

26. Your dreams - Well, in a literal sense, my dreams are wild, crazy adventures that I get most of my fanfics from. From a metaphorical standpoint I really don’t have any. I’ve given up on hoping for anything good in my life. I’m too busy trying to get from day to day to indulge in long term planning. I know it seems terrible, but it’s the truth.

29. Hobbies - Obviously action figures, that much is clear. I collect and customize them to display in my apartment. I also like making digital art (sometimes) and am starting to get into illustrations/artwork. However, I don’t have a tablet/pen for the computer so everything is done with the mouse and GIMP (which makes it difficult). I’m an avid collector of digital media. Some of my big ones are Doctor Who DVDs, Wrestling Entrance Themes, and Official Xena Photos (not the physical ones, jpeg scans). I used to be big into Wizard101 and, while I don’t really play anymore, I still like following the game on YT and on here.

33. Languages you speak – Only English, except it’s a very specific English. I usually speak what’s called the “Yinzer” dialect which is a dialect that is unique to the Pittsburgh region. That’s why you see me use the word “Yinz” a bunch. That’s our word for “You guys” or “Y’all”. However, while most of my speech is Yinzer, I have watched enough British TV in my lifetime to have picked up some Brit speech. It confuses the hell out of people when I use it because you’ll have me say things like “My apartment needs cleaned” and then follow it up thirty seconds later with, “I’m rubbish at cleaning.” My mother has picked up on this and sometimes calls me her “British Daughter” because of it.

41. Your Device Background – My phone’s lock screen is a picture of Shane in his Roman Centurion outfit from the one Royal Rumble photo shoot. My phone background is a checkered wallpaper with “SZ” on it for Sami Zayn. (That one might be getting changed if he stops being Sami.) And my computer background is just a night sky over the mountains. I rarely ever see my computer wallpaper so I don’t mind that it is a generic background.

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done – You know how Lucy breathes fire on Xena? I taught myself how to do that. That wasn’t bright to begin with but it was made so much worse that I was underage and couldn’t buy Bacardi and was using lamp oil instead. I was young and dumb.

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life – Funny thing, I’m a sucker for strange foods. There was a list going around that said “How many of these weird foods have you eaten” and I think I had eaten all but six of them and that was only because I didn’t have access to them. I’m proud to say that, since then, I’ve knocked Quail Egg off the list! Turns out the local Japanese restaurant served it. So that knocked it down to five. Still need to get ahold of some gator meat and haggis. I’d love to try Foie Gras but it’s just so damn unethical that I don’t know if I could bring myself to eat it. Pheasant is another one that I’d love to try but I can’t convince my parents to buy me one (and I’m far too poor to afford it myself). But, yeah. I love strange foods. I’ll pretty much try any food once if I know it’s safe to eat.

54. Any tattoos or piercings – Unless you count partially pierced ears then no. And my ears are only partially pierced because after I had them done they got infected so I tried to let them heal shut. They ended up not closing fully and now, if I’m not adverse to a bit of pain, I can still wear earrings occasionally.

59. Song you wouldn’t normally admit you like – Judas is my guilty pleasure song. I know Jericho is a douchebag and I have tried to hate the song but I can’t. I end up singing along every time.

68. Favorite Movie/Series - Hmm... well, my all time favorite movie is definitely “The Towering Inferno”, hands down. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve seen that. I’m a sucker for disaster movies and, in my opinion, that one is the cream of the crop. I actually like it better than “The Poseidon Adventure” simply because I think the movie is inferior to the book. That said, I’ve also read both of the books that “The Towering Inferno” is based on and I like the combined movie better than them. Favorite series, however, I don’t think I have one definitive favorite series. I’ve had favoriteS like Xena, Buffy, Sherlock, Doctor Who, etc, but I’ve never had one all time favorite.

73: Favorite Greek God – Oh geez. Hmmm... You know, I’m going to have to go with Hermes here, primarily because I have this theory that he is the god of the internet. I know there was no internet in ancient Greece but, frankly, Hermes is the god of commerce, communication, travelers, and thieves. While it’s true that Hephaestus is the god of technology and would probably be the god of computers, I fully believe that Hermes would be the patron of the interwebs.

81 Favorite Books – In all honesty, going to college for 8 years burned me out for reading and now I can barely bring myself to read a comic book. For this reason, most of my favorite books come from childhood. My all time favorite book as a kid was “Flight #116 Is Down” by Caroline B Cooney. It was a disaster story about plane crash in a young woman’s back yard. Somehow, everyone didn’t die – a fact which was called out in the final pages when a fireman says that the crash was extremely odd because “usually they’re all dead.” That book might be another reason I’m terrified of flying. Other favorite books of mine was the “Fear Street Saga Trilogy” (Not the Fear Street Series, the trilogy that served as the origin story). I also like the Hitchhikers Guide saga but when I found out that Douglas Adams died before he could finish the saga, I stopped reading after book 4 so that the story had a happy ending. Novelizations in general are a big thing for me too, I’ve read some really good ones over the years and it’s fascinating to see how they differ from the movies they’re based on.

96. Hero or Villain – Well, if my dreams are anything to go by, I’m a villain at heart. I know, weird right? You all think I’m such a nice person but really, I have a huge dark side to me IRL and, if I was in a world where superheroes were real and I had superpowers I would almost certainly use them for evil. Or, at the very least I would use them to force social change ala Dr. Horrible.

98. Shapeshifting or Controlling Time – SHAPESHIFTING! Oh my goodness shapeshifting! I would love that so much! First of all, I wouldn’t be this huge anymore. I could be as heavy or a skinny as I want. Also, I wouldn’t have to worry about looking old or losing my hair! Plus, can you imagine the cosplay potential!? Forget dressing as the 13th Doctor, I AM THE 13th DOCTOR! That would just be the best!

PHEW! That was a lot! Thanks so much for the ask! This was fun. I love ask games.

[calypsoff]

Forty Four. Part 2

“Why did you say fuck, you know who it is?” Robyn stifled out a yawn “I do, I will tell you when I get there. Love you, and nap now ma’am, you will be busy tonight” Robyn chuckled “shut up, love you too” she disconnected the call, looking over at my mom’s “I want your phone, unlock it for me” placing my phone in my pocket “why son?” My dad questioned “because mom had been messaging her sisters and whoever on that chat, I’m not saying it’s malicious, but this is information they know and shouldn’t have known, Robyn didn’t tell them when we were leaving, she wouldn’t even tell them about when we are getting married, mother has. I am not angry at you but them aunties of mine, they talking to the blogs” I pointed at my mom “really? Son, they wouldn’t do that to me” shaking my head “ayo, look at this” TJ passed me his phone “this is on their IG story, this was like fifteen minutes ago, they are running” taking his phone from him “nothing on it?” Looking up at him “tap on the story again, it’s the first thing. My nigga text me saying this your homie on this” tapping on the story seeing a picture of me “caught Chris Brown flying out to Barbados to marry Rihanna with a suit in hand, exclusive” shaking my head “mom give me your phone, this is because of your family mom. I hope you know this. I know you don’t want to believe it, but it is, I don’t want you in the group anymore. You don’t tell them shit” my mom kind of looks sad, I feel bad, but it can’t happen “but son, I didn’t mean it. They asked and I just said we are leaving for Barbados in the morning, I was happy they cared” taking her phone from my mom “I can tell they cared, they are very manipulative for this, this puts Robyn in a position. She isn’t just anyone, you need to understand this mom. All of you need to understand this, Robyn is not just anyone so anything you put reflects on me and her now so please don’t be so stupid, honestly. I don’t need that shit either” opening this little group chat, I’m gonna read it all “so I can’t tell my friends Rihanna is my auntie?” My nephew said “only if I can charge you? I don’t mean that, just we need to be more careful on what we say in a different light, you can say that but then you don’t start telling them things the public don’t know, these two already know this” I pointed at TJ and Barry “mhmm yes, it’s no fun being famous. And they will want to know the family and will pick on anything” Barry said.

My mom did say everything, like a lot too. She’s told them what day we are getting married, where we are staying and our honeymoon destination “mother, you really trust these snakes this much? I am actually so shocked mom, this is crazy. You might as well have told them what colour boxers I will be wearing. From now on please shut up, this is embarrassing for me. Now I got to tell Robyn my mother has told pretty much everything; I am so glad this was done now because pictures would have been sent of the day. I am sorry you trust them but don’t speak on me and my wife like that, just please stop” this is so annoying “I am so sorry Chris” I don’t want to be annoyed with my mother but my god, this is shameful to say this because what the fuck was she thinking “she is proud of you” my dad said “I get that, and honestly you can post things. Like for example, if we decide to post a picture of the day, then you all can. You need to be strategic with how you post, you can post a picture of you and mom together on the wedding day, it doesn’t give anything away, but it shows you was there. Don’t worry we will get there” they are old I understand “I understand Chris, I’m sure eventually mom and dad will, it will just take them time” Tootie laughed “why does Rihanna have to be this famous” pressing my phone to my ear to call Robyn “you can ask her that yourself dad” I laughed, my dad is asking my sister to explain, of course he is “twin, are you sleeping again?” Robyn groaned out “what is it?” She seems moody “erm it was my mother, she sent details on the family group chat innocently and exposed details about the wedding this is why and how they know, sorry” I apologised, I do feel so bad about it all “oh right, please be careful. Just leave it, I will sort it. I need you to tell your family to not be so open about things, and don’t be mean! I know your mouth, just be nice. And don’t call me until you’re here, I’m tired” Robyn put the phone down, I think she meant it too with not calling her back.

I sighed out heavily “what did she say?” My mom asked, I mean I’m going to just annoy her for a while “she doesn’t want you there now, she said you’re high risk and I’m not prepared to take you to ruin my day, I’m sorry mom” my mother looked at me horrified “but I bought a dress Chris” I shrugged “if your mother can’t go then I won’t Chris, I don’t think she said that. I can’t imagine her being that way” chewing on my bottom lip “sorry mom I am going” my sister isn’t missing it “I will call her” my mother got her phone out, I gasped “you have her number? Wait!” Robyn will kill me “I am joking mom, please don’t call her” my mom is teary eyed, I feel bad now “you’re a sick person Chris” I snorted laughing at my dad saying that to me “mom I’m sorry, please don’t call her” Robyn already told me to not be mean, let me plead with her “I really thought she said that, I made a mistake, and I won’t do it again. I was just happy for you, I thought they was caring and cared about you and wanted to know. Stupid boy” now she is annoyed “I was about to say, Robyn ain’t like that but I know you are” Barry pointed at me, my mother is not happy “look at my dad jumping to be on momma’ side, if she ain’t going I ain’t either, cute. But don’t you think Tootie is Judas out of this? She didn’t even take your side mom” my sister side eyed me “you’re the Judas for making up shit lies” grinned at my sister “sorry mom, I didn’t mean to make you upset with me, that was not my intention” I can’t believe I really upset my mom, she assumed Robyn would actually do that to her, she isn’t like me and she would be so annoyed if I did that “it’s ok, stop the jokes. I am very sad over this Chris; you’re laughing but I’m not” nodding my head understanding.

It sucks that my friends can’t stay at Robyn’ house because of space but they have a hotel close by, they said they will drop the stuff off first and then come to the home after “thank you, I am relying on your both to take care of the ring and my suit” Barry patted my back “don’t worry about it, I am excited to be in Barbados but I said to TJ we need to unpack and then go, it’s stupid because you have your suit with you and you can’t just do that. Drop me the address though” nodding my head dapping Barry “I can’t believe we in Barbados, is there anymore Rihanna lookalikes here!?” TJ shouted so loudly “nigga stop” I laughed; he is dumb “I need to look around Barbados, shit looks beautiful but see you soon” Dapping TJ, walking around the mini bus “thank you brother” he’s been stood here with the door open “to Robyn’ home now, the place is a palace, y’all going to be shocked. I still get excited to see it, I just can’t believe how big the place is” sitting next to my sister “you really like Barbados don’t you?” My mother pointed at me “I do, they are so relaxed here and it’s peace. I feel like Cali, America in general is work, I associate that with work so it’s not relaxing but yeah. You all going to love it, on god” I have been so caught up on wedding vibe that I generally didn’t get Robyn a Christmas present, but I had to get something even though Robyn said don’t get anything because with the wedding she hadn’t the time, but I got something for her. I mean to her it’s nothing because she can have the world, my girl got money and I ain’t even mad that at.

Helping my mother out of the bus, she swatted my hand “what? Are you still angry at me? I said I am sorry” clearly the sorry ain’t working like it should “remember you all representing me here so please be good, no touching things you shouldn’t” my sister side eyed me “nigga shut up” the door opened and it was Rorrey “welcome back, you bought all of VA with you” walking towards him “no I just found these strays” dapping him “good to see you again brother” Rorrey patted my back “you missed me that much? Hugging me too” moving back laughing “you’re funny that’s what I like about you” The door opened wider and seeing Monica pop her head around the door “you’re back finally” walking over to Monica “hey momma” hugging her close “good to see your face again and is that your beautiful mother. Hey Joyce” oh she totally dismissed me and wants to see my mother, looking behind me at my mother “your home is beautiful Monica, oh my god thank you so much for allowing my family to stay here” I like that they get on “you here nigga but my nigga ain’t” turning around, Mel is here but did I expect anything else “I changed my mind you’re not invited to my home now” Mel gasped “mhmmm shut up, see how I came here to say hi and you here giving me shit?” shaking my head “you the one that always sounds unimpressed when I arrive, also you answered her phone and kept trying to put it down a few days ago” Mel chuckled “come here nigga” she hugged me “you lucky I like you” I do like Mel a lot “poppa!” Robyn spat, my smile grew and I had to move away from Mel and go to my twin “I missed you so much” picking her up as I hugged her “I missed you so, so, so, so much” pressing kisses to her cheek as I said that “you look so good too” Robyn moved her head back, placing her hands at the side of my face staring at me “you’re here now, love you” she pressed a kiss to my lips “love you too” putting her down.

Watching Robyn greet everyone, it’s really nice to see that Robyn gets on with all my family. They are welcoming towards her and she is the same with them and I love that “and Chris, I heard what you did to your mom” Robyn pointed at me as she made her way back over, looking at my mother all confused “huh?” placing my hands behind my back to follow her “she text me apologising and said I am so sorry what happened, my son played a joke saying I uninvited her, what did I say about being mean? She was so upset on text Chris, I told you not to be like that” oh my mom is a snitch “oh we are snitching now” I said looking at my mother “well I felt bad, thank you Robyn. Least he listens to someone” Robyn lightly hit my arm “don’t worry Joyce, we won’t have that behaviour anymore. And we need to talk, I need you to come upstairs” oh am I actually in trouble, this is not good “but Robyn, I was joking. Like this was a joke” she is going to have a word with me alone “no something else, I need you to come with me. I need to talk to you” I am scared she is going to tell me off “come on, come in. Make yourself at home” Monica said to my family “listen to your wife son” my dad just said “just come, Chris you’re not in trouble. I really just need a word with you, stop being stupid” nodding my head, I guess I have to listen to her.

Following Robyn up the steps “you’re not in trouble, I promise you. I just need to discuss something with you” clearing my throat “well you seemed really annoyed about what happened to my mom so you know” reaching the top of the steps, Robyn looked around and then turned to me “you look so good, like you been really out there under the sun, you glowing” Robyn smiled putting her head down “ok listen to me, so I spoke to my publicist about what happened with your mother and they are clearing things up. But I read that about me being drunk in Barbados that time, I straight away went for my dad. I called him, I said was this you? Did you sell a story that I was a drunk mess in Barbados because Chris and I were having issues and you left to go back to America, like a whole fucking story, I was shocked, so I asked him and he said he didn’t, and I said don’t lie to me. You don’t like Chris, he said it’s not me and if it was me you would know because it would be UK tabloids when I would do it, and then I realised this came from Shade Room, so I contacted my publicist, they threatened them and they gave up who. It was the guys I was with, the family friends I mentioned so that happened, I just wanted to tell you. I did think it was my dad though, I really did” nodding my head “I am glad you checked on that, I would have thought it was him too. They shouted it at me too, I was so confused about it, but don’t let that shit upset you, just think about this. We are getting married next week” I want to make her happy “I can’t wait” pecking Robyn’ lips and hugged her close to me, I adore this woman so much.

Robyn placed her hands over my chest “so, I want you to go to the bedroom” my eyes widened “oh, we doing? Damn, already. I mean my family are here but let’s do this” Robyn hit my chest lightly laughing “be quiet, just go to the bedroom” she moved away from my embrace “so go on” raising an eyebrow, this is something different “Robyn, you are acting mad weird right now. Seriously?” she scoffed at me “I am being dead ass, go!” she pointed, Robyn is up to something “where is the handcuffs? You about to tie me up and whip me, I just know it” let me start walking before she cusses me out “you are so annoying, it’s all sexual with you ain’t it, I am actually not even thinking about that at all” she is lying “well this better be good Robyn, I ain’t playing” shuffling as I made my way to her room, If I keep not wanting to go Robyn will end up getting annoyed with me “well I don’t think you will think it’s good then if you are saying it’s about sex, mhmm. I am already offended” rolling my eyes, of course she is. Opening the bedroom door “hello?” poking my head inside “honestly Chris stop being so annoying and get in the room” pushing the door open and stood there staring “well there is no naked Robyn, so this is boring” looking behind “right, I mean it. You’re going to stop this! And you’re going to listen to what I say, I want you to go inside and see, just look with your eyes without being a goofy idiot, it’s not sex related” oh Robyn is getting annoyed “ok moody, did you not sleep well or something” seeing the box on the edge of the bed “this is what you want me to look at?” I pointed “you said no gifts?” walking over to the bed “it’s a gift from me to you” well that is annoying, she did say no gifts.

I grinned leaning down “thank you, I know this going to be good even though I ain’t seen it yet” pulling open the box and lifting it open, seeing the card “I can’t wait to see you daddy?” looking at Robyn “these are handcuffs, you kinky as hell Robyn” I chuckled, she is a fool “yeah keep going stupid” picking the card up just smiling to myself, placing the card to the side and seeing these three sticks “wait what?” staring at all three that all said the same thing, it just hit me “no!” I spat moving back staring at Robyn “Merry Christmas poppa” placing my hands on my head in shock, this is real life “really?” I said in a whisper, she is pregnant “you pregnant? You really pregnant?” moving my hands away from my head and then I just felt it “I am going to be a dad, oh shit” clapping my hands together trying to divert myself to not get emotional but it was kind of too late “don’t mind me” Robyn got choked up “you prayed for this Robyn, you prayed for this moment” I strained out “I did” walking into Robyn and hugged her close “you having my baby, oh my god” I am in shock “I love you so much, this is really the best gift” pressing a kiss to the side of her head “I have a surprise for the grandparents, do not say anything to anyone” shaking my head moving back from Robyn to see her “I don’t know why I am crying but I am” wiping the tears away quickly “just I know how much you wanted this, but I just didn’t know how much I did either. This time, oh my god” looking down at Robyn “you pregnant? I am so happy, oh my god” hugging Robyn again “I been wanting you to come here so bad, I hated keeping it a secret, but I wanted to see your reaction, I am so excited Chris. We are going to be parents, but you cried. I can’t believe it” closing my eyes, I made that mistake with Robyn before and let her be alone but not this time “I am so excited, Robyn. I am so happy” dropping to my knees “my child in here, I won’t let you down” wrapping my arms around his waist, pressing the side of my face against her stomach “I know” Robyn’ voice broke.

[lynelovespopculture]

THE  CHILLING ADVENTURES OF ZELDA CHAPTER 14-A SPELLMAN FAMILY SOLSTICE

 Faustus and Zelda had a long recovery in front of them.  Faustus had only awakened 1 hour before his wife so they were healing at the same time. They both were assigned to complete bed rest for the next 3 weeks. In that time, they rested, snuggled together, and watched the defeat of Blackwood video numerous times. They both agreed that there was no foolproof way to get rid of Blackwood forever; they had to just keep their guard up and hope for the best. Zelda also told Faustus how Lilith had reclaimed hell for herself and found happiness with a new Adam. After the 3 weeks of bed rest, Faustus and Zelda were up and around and just in time to help celebrate Sabrina’s 18th birthday. (Since this was Sabrina’s last year at home before college, new rules were set. Thursday nights were family dinner night, absolutely no excuses for not attending, and Sunday was family movie night.)

Later that week, Faustus and Zelda managed to find some time to sit down with just the twins to have a serious talk about the adoption. Zelda explained that this adoption was less about guardianship, as the twins were almost 17, but more of a show of commitment to be their mother. Zelda nodded with understanding when they told her that they wanted time to think about it. Yet, there was 1 issue that the male twin didn’t need to think about at all. Just like his sister, Judas wanted to forget about his life with Blackwood. Soon enough, he confessed that he hated the name of Judas, so with his parents’ full support, changed his name to Jacob.  It wasn’t long at all until he was used to the family calling him Jake. 3 days later, Faustus took Zelda for a romantic dinner in the fanciest restaurant in town. As they clinked their wine glasses together, Faustus explained that it was the 1st anniversary of him being free from the curse. Hearing this, Zelda re-clinked the glasses.

“To the first of many, many years,” She smiled.

They went home, and make wild, passionate love before drifting off in each other’s arms. Late that night, Zelda turned around and found herself alone in bed. She caught Faustus at the entrance of the attic, which Ambrose and Jake now shared.

“I still can’t believe we’re all home now,” Faustus whispered as his wife linked her arm with his. With a kiss, Zelda led him back to their room, where they made love for the 2nd time that night.

  Their 1st solstice all together as a family was a very special one. LJ and Jake were both all smiles as together, they handed Zelda a gift. After wrapping it, Zelda gasped, for the box was filled with papers, but not just any papers. On top were the half-filled adoption papers and beneath that, were papers for legal name changes. The twins explained that not only did they want to be adopted but they were also ready to become Spellmans. All the family couldn’t agree fast enough. Zelda did a pretty good job of blinking back her tears of joy, or she did, right up until the twins called her ‘mom’ for the very 1st time. This happened right after Zelda gave LJ and Jake their Yule present. A thick photo album filled with pictures of their birth mother, Constance, at every stage of life so the twins could look at it whenever they wished.

In the new year, after Hilda and Dr. C celebrated their 1st anniversary and Zelda filed the paperwork for the twins’ adoption and name changes, plans went full steam ahead for LJ and Jake’s joint dark baptism. Jake kept it simple, by picking Jacob Faustus for his baptismal name. LJ’s was longer. LJ explained that her name was to be Letitia Judith Constance Zelda.

“To honor both my mothers.” LJ smiled and Zelda kissed the girl on the head, blinking back happy tears once more.

The baptism, attended by family and coven alike, went off without a hitch. For the next few months, the Spellmans’ lives were blissfully quiet and uneventful. Their lives revolved around work, school, and most importantly, each other. On April 2nd, the whole family gathered to celebrate Cordelia’s first birthday. They threw a party, of course, with cake and gifts but it was Faustus and Zelda who got the best present that day. It was later that night after they readied Cordelia for bed, they sat Cordelia down in front of her crib as they did for the last 3 weeks. It was normal when Cordelia pulled herself up to the crib with her tiny hands but then something new happened. Cordelia took her hands off the crib and took her 1st few unsteady steps towards Zelda. She playfully touched her mother’s cheek before saying her 1st word loud and clear. “Mommy!” After kissing her daughter silly, Zelda turned Cordelia around so she could walk to Faustus. The baby took 3 steps before she stumbled on the 4th and would have fallen but Faustus managed to catch her. He was rewarded with a giant smile. “Daddy!”

 Spring and summer flew by and before anyone knew it, it was September again. Everyone came out to see Sabrina and LJ, who graduated a year early, off to college. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. When she was 3 and big enough for a big girl bed, Cordelia was given Sabrina’s room by her still at college cousin. The following year, Hilda, Faustus, and Sabrina convinced an uneasy Zelda to allow Cordelia to attend mortal kindergarten, just like Sabrina before her. Cordelia’s parents sat her down and explained to her not to talk about witches or use magic at school. They also kept their promise to the witch’s council, to keep them updated on Cordelia’s magical development. Yet, there was little to report. The baby who cried the devil out of the house was growing up as normally as any other little witch, except for a slammed door or a few floating items. Her powers were at their strongest when her emotions were at their peak.  One afternoon, Cordelia wanted to play outside but Hilda explained she couldn’t because it was raining, hard.

“I don’t want it to rain!” As soon as Cordelia stamped her foot, the sun came out. Hilda stared wordlessly, yet Cordelia didn’t even seem to notice. It was on the 1st day of school that Cordelia met Erin, Emily, and Erica Warner, mortal triplet girls who quickly became her BFFs. Meanwhile, with his youngest now in school, Faustus was feeling a little lost.  Ambrose and Jake formed the perfect team to run the funeral home together and the rest of the family were busy with their own thing. 1 night, Zelda suggested her husband should return to teaching. Zelda knew she got through to him and was waiting for Faustus to ask her to return to the academy. So, she was shocked when he told her he gotten a job at Greendale middle school, teaching 7th grade. Theo Putnam was also a new teacher.

 It was a cold night in the late December of Cordelia’s sixth year that the child awoke with a start.

“Who’s there?” She demanded with the greatest demand she could mutter as she sat up and looked around the darkened room. She looked around and saw nothing, yet she felt someone was nearby. Cordelia sighed, this wasn’t a new feeling. She pulled back her blankets and got up. Might as well go to the bathroom while I’m awake. She thought.

“Hey, Salem.” Cordelia petted Sabrina’s familiar on her way back to bed. Then she picked up her favorite doll, tucked it under her arm, sighed as she laid down, and closed her eyes.

 The next thing she knew, sunlight tickled at Cordelia’s eyelids. 1 quick look at the clock and she jolted out of bed and down the hallway. Her own school had let out for Christmas yesterday, but the academy was a year-round boarding school that demanded much of its headmistress. Cordelia felt that she spent less than 10 minutes with her mother all week. Maybe it was still early enough to catch her. She stopped short in her parents’ doorway. Not only was no one in here, but the bed was made and everything was neat, suggesting that both her parents left long ago.

“It's not even 9 yet! Well, so much for that idea.” Cordelia muttered as she headed for the steps. Downstairs, Cordelia found her brother fluttering back and forth before the front door as if he was preparing to go out. “Where’re you going, Jake?” she asked from the stairway.

Jake looked up, pausing as he put on his coat. “Good morning, Cordy. Mom just called, she needs someone to fill in for her with the choir ASAP.”

“Mom’s already at the school?”

Unfortunately, Jake was too busy to notice the sadness in his sister’s tone. “Yeah. Bye.”

Cordelia was left to frown at the closed door when the wonderful smells finally reached her nose. Those smells only appeared when someone special visited. Now wearing a tiny smile, the 6-year-old ran into the kitchen and hugged the visitor from behind. “Hi, auntie H!”

Hilda, who was baking, half-turned and gave her niece a 1 arm hug. “Hello, darling.”

From his stool 3 feet away, Ambrose waved. “Hello, cousin.”

“Hello, another Spellman who no longer lives here.” Cordelia teased good-naturedly and Ambrose laughed. He and Prudence had only moved into a small apartment together downtown 3 months ago.

Meanwhile, Hilda wiped her hands on a towel. “It’s cereal alright for breakfast?”

Cordelia smiled and nodded. “Yes, please.”

“So, Cordy, how did you sleep?” Asked Ambrose.

“Good! For the most part.”

Ambrose and Hilda exchanged a look. “For the most part?” repeated her aunt.

“Ghostbusting again, cuz?”

Cordelia gave Ambrose an annoyed sideways glance. “No, Ambrose. Ghostbusting would imply that I actually see the spirit.”

Ambrose was now confused. “Wait, you don’t see the ghosts? Ever? But you had this problem for a while.”

“Since before feasts of feasts as I recall,” Hilda added.

“I don’t understand. If you can’t see them, how do you know they’re ghosts?”

Cordelia shrugged. “I don’t know. I just know, it’s just a feeling. Most girls my age are scared of ghosts; I just want them to make up their minds! They should show themselves, tell me what the problem is so I can help or just let me be so I can sleep at night.”

Hilda and Ambrose both had nothing to say so they just stared at the girl. Cordelia sighed, what was needed now was a change of subject and she found it on the serving tray. “Who pops popcorn this early in the morning?”

Ambrose sprang to life. “Oh, I almost forgot!  I was supposed to bring out the cranberries and popcorn to Dr. C and Uncle Faustus. They finally setting up the Yule tree!” Ambrose grabbed the tray and rushed out of the kitchen.

“Well, I got to go too,” Cordelia announced.

“Why?” Asked Hilda.

“Because my bowl of cereal was on that tray!”

Hilda laughed, shook her head, and returned to her baking.

 “I swear, we get this tree up later and later every year.” Faustus sighed.

“Well, we’re busy men,” Dr. C assured him. “Me at my bookstore, you at the middle school. Here comes Ambrose, at last.”

Faustus smiled as the younger warlock rushed in. “We were beginning to think you’d forgotten us.”

“I’m so sorry that it took me so long,” Ambrose said.  “Aunt Hilda and I got to talking and then Cordelia walked in.”

“Oh? Cordy’s up?”

“I sure am!” The child was right on Ambrose’s heels. She was closer to Dr. C so she greeted him first. “Hi, Uncle C” She hugged him and then went over to her father. “Hi, Daddy” she giggled when Faustus kissed the cheek of his youngest child. The 2 men went back to trying to steady the tree, as Ambrose found a chair and began to thread the popcorn and cranberry strings together. After reclaiming her breakfast, at last, Cordelia sat on the sofa and asked about the only thing on her mind.

“How long ago did Mom leave for the academy this morning?”

“About an hour and a half to 2 hours ago” Faustus answered casually. “Why? Do you need her?”

Cordelia frowned. “No, I don’t need her per say, but I do miss her. It’s like I barely have seen her this week.”

“Don’t worry, baby,” Faustus soothed his daughter. “While it’s true that Solstice demands more of the high priestess’s time than normal, all she has to do is get through today and perform tomorrow’s midnight mass then Zelda will be free to spend the rest of the holidays with us.”

“Don’t forget when we go get the girls tomorrow.” Dr. C added. “Zelda would never miss that.”

Although both LJ and Sabrina left for college 6 years ago, the girls were still away for their education but for different reasons. Unlike Jake, who left a year after his sister and cousin and return 2 years later, business degree in hand. Poor Sabrina was having a tough time, having changed her major 3 times. On the flip side, LJ had not only completed university in record time but was enrolled in 2 different medical schools. When done, LJ would not only be 1 of the few female witch doctors, she would also be the 1st witch doctor trained in mortal medicine. With a sister on her way to glory and her mother already in the history books as the 1st high priestess, Cordelia was extremely proud of her family and sometimes wondered if greatness lay in her future as well.  Having finished her breakfast, Cordelia now lay the now-empty bowl on the coffee table and went to the old cardboard box that held the tree decorations.  After a few seconds of digging around, Cordelia was able to her favorite one. It was a diamond full moon on 1 side and the other side was a picture frame. The picture itself was taken on her 1st solstice. It was of Zelda, Faustus, and Cordelia herself, when she was still just a baby. While Cordelia stood admiring the photo, Dr. C lost his balance on the step stool and bump into the girl, causing her to lose her grip on the glass moon and it smashed on the floor.

Dr. C rushed to the child’s side. “Oh Cordelia, I’m so sorry!” He hugged her.

Cordelia put on a brave face. “It’s okay, uncle C. We have lots of others.”

As they spoke, the fragments of the glass moon float up in the air and magically fixed itself.

“But this 1 is your favorite,” Faustus held it in the palm of his hand. “I know because it’s my favorite too.”

Cordelia smiled. “Thanks, Dad.”

  Putting up the tree nearly took all day. Cordelia was excused because right after lunch, the Warner triplets called their friend to come with them to go to the mall to see Santa. Cordelia was gone all afternoon and returned just in time for dinner yet her mood seemed to change. She was quiet and seemed angry. At first, Hilda thought her niece was annoyed because Zelda called to say that she was too busy to come home for dinner.  Then, in the middle of supper, Jake knocked over a glass of water. On the other side of the table, his baby sister jumped up in horror.

“You should be more careful!” She shouted before she ran out of the room. Faustus and Hilda found Cordelia in her room pacing back and forth before her bed. “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry!” She muttered to herself.

“Cordy? What’s wrong?” Faustus asked.

His daughter looked up, frowning. “You should have told me. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“THAT OUR KIND CAN MELT!!”  Cordelia shouted.

Faustus and Hilda exchanged a confused look. “Cordelia, love,” Hilda said gently, “what exactly did you and your friends do this afternoon?”

Cordelia sighed. “After the trip to the mall to see Santa, Mr. Warner invited me back to their house for hot chocolate and it was there that Erin, Emily, Erica, and I watched a movie.”

“What movie?” Her father asked.

“The Wizard of Oz.”

Both Faustus and Hilda felt instant relief. Hilda left to go inside the bathroom while Faustus took his daughter by the hand, guided her to the bed, so they could both sit down.

“Darling, while it’s true the mortals have short lives, while we witches can live for centuries and centuries. Surely, we can’t live that long if we are in danger of something as common as water.”

“But in the movie-“

“The movie is not real. It’s pretend, make-believe. You remember when you, Mommy, and I had our talk about make-believe?”

Cordelia nodded. “I remember, but it’s so confusing! After all, mortal parents tell their children that witches are make-believe.”

Faustus nodded. “That’s true but I can prove I’m right! Think back to every mass you attended, all the times Zelda took you with her to the academy, have you ever, after all that time with the coven, even seen a green witch?”

“No. Hey, wait  a second, I didn’t tell you that the witch was green! How did you know?”

Faustus laughed. “The Wizard of Oz is a very famous movie and you’re not the 1st witch to get spooked by water after seeing it. I guess you could call it a witch childhood rite of passage by now.”

“Your father’s right,” said Hilda, coming toward the bed, glass in 1 hand. “When your cousin Sabrina saw that movie, she reacted the exact same way you did. That’s when Zelds and I came up with the test.”

“Test? What kind of test?”

“Come here and I’ll show you.” When Cordelia didn’t move and kept staring at the glass, Hilda tried again. “What’s wrong? Don’t you trust me?”

This softened Cordelia immediately. “Of course I do, Auntie H.” The child got off the bed and came forward and Hilda knelt down to look her niece in the eye. “Now just give me 1 of your fingers.” Cordelia offered up a finger. Hilda took it and put the tip of the finger just under.  “Now, how does that feel?”

“Wet.” Was the child’s only reply.

Hilda laughed. “Yes, it’s wet, but what else? Does your finger feel like it is going to fall off or melt?”

Cordelia smiled and shook her head.  Hilda smiled. “Good, the test has worked in our favor yet again.”

“Thank Hecate!” Faustus added. “Can you imagine how foul our world would be if none of us would be allowed to bathe?”

Cordelia laughed at her father’s funny face as Hilda kissed her brow.

  A few hours later, Faustus turned down the bed as Cordelia got ready in the bathroom.

“Cordy, have you brushed your teeth yet?”

“Doing it right now, Dad.”

Faustus couldn’t resist. “With water?”

First, there was silence then came a low moan. Faustus smiled to himself.

Cordelia switched off the bathroom light and walked more into her bedroom. “Hecate, I’m dumb,” She muttered.

When she was close enough, Faustus put his arm around his daughter. “You are not dumb. You, my girl, are 6. Considering how you speak and behave most of the time, it’s easy to forget how young you are.”

Cordelia gave a half-smile. “Still young enough to be read to?”

“Not very subtle, miss Spellman.”

Cordelia giggled and crawled into bed as Faustus grabbed the book on the nightstand. Some little girls like fairy tales, most, at least, like a story with a plot. But most nights, Cordelia favored spell books, especially the Latin ones, even though Cordelia didn’t speak the language. She said it soothed her faster. Tonight, Faustus only read a page and a half before Cordelia was fast asleep. He tucked her in and tiptoed out of the room. The next thing Cordelia was aware of; someone was arranging her blankets. Her 1st thought was that the troublesome ghost was back but she was instantly awake when she saw who it really was.

“Mommy! I missed you so much today!” Cordelia sat up and threw herself into Zelda’s arms.

Zelda kissed her brow. “I’ve missed you too, little one. I didn’t mean to wake you, but your father told me that you had a scare today.”

“That’s not important,” Cordelia dismissed. “Will you come with us to pick up LJ and Sabrina tomorrow morning?”

Zelda nodded. “I will, but I must get back to the academy by early afternoon at the very latest.”

Cordelia frowned. “But tomorrow is the day before Solstice. You always spend it with us.”

“I know precious but we’re so behind this year. I mean, the church is not yet decorated or prepared for midnight mass yet.”

“How about I go with you? That way you could get your work and we could still be together.”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“No! Wait! Don’t go yet.” Cordelia grabbed her book. “Read to me.”

“It’s late, Cordelia.”

“Please, Mom?”

Normally, Zelda would have held firm but she felt massively guilty about barely being home lately. Zelda sighed and took the book. “Move over.”

An hour later, Faustus went to look for his wife and found Zelda and Cordelia snuggled up together, both fast asleep. Faustus went to Zelda to whisper to her. “It’s late, my love. We’re going to have to leave for the airport, well, in just a few hours now.”

“Mmm,” was Zelda’s only reply.

It was only then that he saw the book. “Did Cordy get another story out of you?”

Again, “Mmm.”

“Dearest, are you asleep?”

“Mmm?”

Faustus smiled. “That’s what I thought.” Gently, he put 1 hand under Zelda’s head and the other 1 under her knees. Then he carried Zelda out of Cordelia’s room and back to their own bed.

 Even though they had only been home a few weeks before for feats of feasts, Sabrina and LJ’s homecoming was a joyful one. At the airport, there was much hugging and kissing, done by all the family. The morning flew by with all their laughing, talking, and catching up. After lunch, most of the family went to the church with Zelda to help set things up, yet Sabrina went for a different reason. All Sabrina had to do was wait for an opportunity to talk to her aunts alone. She got 2 and chickened out both times. Fed up with her own failure, Sabrina teleported herself back to Spellman’s kitchen and groaned.

“Just tell them, you coward!”

The loud whistle of the kettle startled Sabrina. She turned and saw Faustus at the stove,1 of his eyebrows rose. “Something wrong, Sabrina?”

She could feel her eyes watering. “Yes.”

Faustus said the 1st thing that came to mind. “Are you changing your major again?”

Sabrina shook her head. “No, I’m not changing my major. I’m not going back to school at all!” There, she finally said it.

For his part, Faustus got out 2 cups and saucers, poured the tea, and sat down at the table with Sabrina.

“I can’t seem to bring myself to tell Auntie Hilda and Aunt Z. I wasted 5 years, 3 majors, and all that money. My aunties are going to be so disappointed.”

In an effort to comfort his niece, Faustus took Sabrina’s hand in his. “All your aunts have ever wanted for you is to be happy.”

“I tried, I tried so hard.” Sabrina’s lip quivered.

“I know,” Faustus soothed. “Maybe this could be a blessing in disguise,” he suggested. “Maybe, by taking a semester off will help you relax and figure out for sure what you really want to do.”

“But I was sure all those times I change my majors,” Sabrina stressed.

“You know, 1 of my favourite teachers once told me that the secret to professional success is to pick something that you love and are good at.”

“But I don’t know what I’m good for a job.”

“What about helping people? You’re good at that.”

“But that could any career.” Sabrina pointed out.

“How about a therapist? I would be lost without mine.”

Sabrina smiled. “A therapist? Me? You remember I’m the one who causes most of the problems around here?”

“Oh, that was when you were a teenager,” Faustus dismissed. “You’re grown up a lot since then. Besides, if nothing else, the outlook of a half-mortal, half-fallen angel raised by witches is bound to be interesting.”

Sabrina laughed. “True. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thanks, Uncle Faustus.”

He was shocked. “You’ve never called me uncle before.”

“I know but it’s high time I did.”

 “Dad? I’ve been wondering something for a long time, but I’m not sure how to ask.”

It was late that night and Faustus was readying Cordelia for midnight mass. In his opinion, she looked great. His daughter was wearing a new red dress, her white winter tights, and shiny black Mary Janes. He was now adding the finishing touch of a ribbon in her red hair, exactly like her mother’s. “Cordy, don’t be scared. You know you can ask me anything.”

“Okay, Dad, don’t you believe? I mean, I know that Uncle C isn’t a warlock, so it makes sense that he doesn’t share our faith, but why don’t you believe?”

“But I do believe, sweetheart. I was baptized the night after you were born.”

Cordelia seemed confused. “You were?! Then why don’t you ever attend mass?”

Faustus sighed. “You have to leave in a few minutes and it’s a very long story and I promise that someday we will discuss this in greater detail, but for now all I can tell you that when I was high priest, before you were born, I did things that I am deeply ashamed of. The coven has since forgiven me but I am still weary of being near them.  I do attend mass, in fact, I’m there every week, but I don’t sit up front with the rest of the family, I actually like to sit in the very back pew. I also like to be the last one to arrive and the first one to leave. I like it when the coven doesn’t even notice me.”

Cordelia thought for a moment and then said, “Are you sorry about what you did?”

“Oh, Hecate, yes! I’m sorrier than anyone can ever know.”

Cordelia shrugged. “Then the coven has to forgive you. It’s just good manners.”

Faustus hugged his daughter, grateful for her innocent logic.

   A little later, Cordelia found herself at the church, sitting in the front pew with Hilda, Sabrina, Ambrose, and the twins while Prudence sang in the choir. Even at 6, Cordelia felt proud that it was her mother who performed the service, glorious in her white and gold robes. During the middle of the service, Cordelia took advantage of her end seat and looked toward the back. Sure enough, she found her father, who waved at her. After mass, Cordelia stayed behind to help clean up and help her mother say goodbye to the coven. When they drove home, there a raven haired woman near the stairs. Cordelia didn’t know who the lady was but, judging the way her mother was gripping the wheel, Cordelia guessed her mother did.

“Is she the one who keeps bothering you?” Zelda asked.

“No, I don’t think so. Mom, who is that?”

“Go inside and get dressed for bed, Cordy. It’s late.”

Cordelia did as she was told but she did pick up some bits of dialogue.

“Bright solstice, Zelda.”

“What are you doing here, Lilith?”

“Come now, surely I’m allowed to check up on my son’s future bride.”

That was all Cordelia heard. 10 minutes later, Zelda came into Cordelia’s room to kiss her daughter goodnight.

“Mom?  I heard you and that lady talking. Who’s getting married? Prudence or LJ?”

“No one in this house is getting married!” Zelda declared firmly.

Zelda went to bed mad and woke up even angrier. “I don’t get it, Faustus.” She said to her husband as they went downstairs for breakfast. “We heard or seen nothing of Lilith these past 6 years and the 1st thing she mentions is that stupid marriage contract that I signed in invisible ink and can’t possibly be binding. Lilith knows that! What game is she playing at?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care.” Faustus answered honestly. “Whenever it is, we’ll deal with it together like we always do. Today is solstice. It’s time to celebrate that and the fact that this is your 1st day off in weeks. Then, later on, tonight, I get to show you how terribly I and our bed, have missed you.”  He kissed her hard before they walked into the kitchen, hand in hand.

 According to tradition, the family waited until sundown to gather round the Yule tree and start exchanging gifts. Half an hour later, the get together was in full swing, with music, talking, and laughing all filling the air. It was about this time that Faustus gave Zelda a small blue ring box. Inside was the 6th annual charm that Faustus gave his wife every Yule to go on the bracelet that he had given her on their 1st Solstice that they spent together as a married couple. However, the meaning of this year’s charm was lost on Zelda.

“A white rose?”

Faustus nodded. “A symbol of eternal love.”

Zelda gave a sly smile. “Yours or mine?”

Faustus laughed and stroked his wife’s cheek as he received Zelda’s thank you kiss. Then Faustus stood up and grabbed a skinny gift from under the tree. He passed it to Cordelia.  “Speaking of jewellery, here a little something from your mother and me.” Cordelia smiled as she took the gift and unwrapped it. It turned out be a golden chain with a crescent moon attached, not unlike her own birthmark. She looked up at her parents from her place on the floor.

“I love it! Thank you, Dad. Thank you, Mom.” Cordelia got up and hugged both her parents.

“May Hecate bless and keep you, my Cordelia.” Zelda smiled at her daughter.

“Amen.”

“Oh, it seems we ran out of music and could use a new Christmas CD.” Hilda sighed.

“I’ll go change it since I’m up.”  Cordelia offered and journeyed to the stereo but before she got there, she passed a window and froze.  She looked very upset.

It was Hilda who first noticed her distress.  “Cordy, darling? What’s wrong?”

“It’s her,” Came her niece’s reply. “The ghost that keeps up me at night. She’s right outside.”

“How do you know? You said you never saw her.” Ambrose pointed out.

Cordelia shook her head. “I never did, but I always felt her just as I feel her now and I’m looking straight at her.”

Faustus got up to collect his daughter.  “Come sit down, sweetheart.  We’ll figure all this out later.” Yet just as he put an arm around Cordelia, he looked out the window and saw the ghost too. “Constance?”

“Faustus, may I see you out in the hall for a minute?” Zelda asked as she rose.

 “I think we should let Constance in.”

Faustus couldn’t believe his ears. “What?  Zelda dearest, what are you saying?”

“Well, I think it’s perfectly oblivious why she’s here.”

Faustus nodded. “Yes, she’s here to ruin our family solstice.”

“No,” his wife disagreed, “I think she’s here to see her children, the twins, as is her right.”

“I think you’re giving her too much credit. Don’t you remember how she behaved the last time we made contact with her? You had to bar her from the house!”

“That was over 6 years ago. Maybe she changed.”

“Changed?!” Faustus sneered. “Then why has she  been  bothered Cordy for over a month?”

“Why don’t you go out there and ask her yourself?”

“Fine, I will,” Faustus agreed. “But you’re coming with me.”

A moment later, Zelda and Faustus stepped out onto the frozen porch. Constance was right before them.

“If we allow you into this house, will you abide by its rules and customs?” Faustus asked.

Constance smiled as she nodded. “I will.”

“Come in. You are welcome.” With those simple words, Zelda broke her own spell.

The whole family was shocked when Faustus and Zelda returned with the ghost. Hilda was the 1st to recover.

“Um, Ambrose, Prudence, Sabrina, Cordy, could you come to help me and your uncle C in the kitchen?”

“I think I’ll join you.” Zelda turned to join the family, but Constance called her back. “Please stay, Zelda, there’s something I would like to say to you too.”

“Ok.” Zelda was unsure as she slid into her chair next to Faustus. The twins were sitting on the sofa. Zelda noticed that the twins were holding hands, something they only did when they were really anxious.

“Is it true?”  Jake asked. “Are you really our mother?”

“She’s only our birth mother,” his sister answered him, “Zelda is our real mother.”

“LJ, please!” Zelda didn’t mean it, but her mothering tone came through.

Constance didn’t seem to mind as she stared at the twins and smiled. “You are both so beautiful.”  She touched LJ’s face. “My daughter on her way to becoming a witch doctor!”

Jake lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry I’m not a genius like LJ.”

“Are you happy, my son?”

“I am.”

Constance smiled. “That’s all that matters.”

“And we’re safe,” LJ added.

“That’s right,” Jake agreed. “Blackwood is no more.”

Constance smiled. “I know; I’ve been watching you. I’ve been watching all of you.” Constance turned. “Which brings me back to you, Zelda Spellman. I have something important to say to you. Thank you. Ever since you dispatched with Blackwood, you have done everything to make sure that my children felt safe and loved. I can never thank you enough for that.”

LJ got up and walked to Zelda’s side. “Why would even doubt her? She cared for us when we were babies. I mean, this is the same woman who whisked me away at birth and loved me when she didn’t have to.”

You must understand,” Constance stressed. “The last time I saw Zelda; she was heavily pregnant. I thought that she would prefer her own child and become a petty and jealous stepmother to the 2 of you. Just” Constance sighed and cast down her eyes in shame. “Just as I did with Prudence. Happily, that didn’t happen. She loves you as if you were her own.”

“I love them because they are my own,” Zelda said gently, “Just as Cordelia and Prudence are. Perhaps you would have learned this if you’ve survived but a mother’s heart can never be too full.”

“Wait,” Jake was confused. “If all you wanted was to have a peaceful heart-to-heart, then why have you been bothering Cordy all this time?”

Constance looked startled.  “Have I?   I didn’t mean to. Please apologize to her for me.”

LJ leaned in to whisper in Zelda’s ear.  “I guess the divine child’s powers can pick up a rogue ghost better than we can.”

Zelda’s focus was elsewhere at the moment. “Constance, you’re glowing. You’ve never looked better.”

The ghost blushed like a schoolgirl. “Am I? Well, I guess being at peace agrees with me then. You see, I recently re-met a friend from childhood on the other side, and he has been helping me to put aside my anger and bitterness. I’m starting to see things differently now. Zelda, I understand that you didn’t set out to break up my marriage, Faustus’s heart was yours long before I came around. It’s perfectly fine that my children have 2 mothers, as long as they are loved and protected.”

Sensing that her time was up, Constance kissed both her children and turned to leave when

“Wait.” It was the 1st time Faustus had spoken since they had all sat down. Now, he stood and when to the ghost. “Constance, I have never seen you speak so tenderly or behave so kindly. I just to say I’m sorry. We never were a love match but I could have been kinder to you during our marriage. Not pressuring you for a son, been more of a comfort during your miscarriages. Enjoy the happiness you have now; you certainly deserve it. Bright Solstice.” He gave her a peck on the cheek. The lights flicked and then the ghost was gone.

It was when Constance was gone that Jake fell on his knees before Zelda. “We love you, bonus mom.”

LJ hugged her. “We sure do.”

Faustus watched this touching scene for a moment and then turned his attention to the hallway.  “Okay, guys, you can come out now. Don’t think I don’t see you spying over there!”

The guilty gang filed back into the living room and the Solstice celebrations continued.1 hour later, the room was quiet as Ambrose read Charles Dickins’ A Christmas Carol aloud. Fearing that she would too big to do it next year, Cordelia grabbed her favorite blanket and settled herself on Zelda’s lap. She was going to ask if she was too heavy when her mother held her closer.

“Hecate, bless us, everyone,” Cordelia whispered.

[96thdayofrage]

That all this time later we are still learning new information about Hampton’s killing is testament to the sheer volume of the effort aimed at this young revolutionary.

“This was a masterplan for destroying radical black nationalist groups.”

The horrifying story of the 1969 police murder of Fred Hampton is now well known. But there’s still much to be revealed about the case — like the information in bureau files newly obtained by Jacobin showing the FBI awarded Special Agent Roy Martin Mitchell, the handler of informant William O’Neal who was key to the raid that killed Hampton, a $200 bonus for work well done.

In the predawn hours of December 4, 1969, fourteen Chicago Police officers, claiming they were searching for illegal weapons, crashed into a first floor apartment on Chicago’s Monroe Street and opened fire. Inside were nine members of the Illinois Black Panther Party, including the rising star of the chapter, Fred Hampton.

The police claimed the apartment’s occupants fired on them, but after a fusillade of more than ninety bullets, the only people shot were Panthers, including Mark Clark and Hampton, who were dead. The picture of grinning cops carrying Hampton’s body  out of the apartment that circulated in the wake of the killing said it all: the Chicago Police Department (CPD) had wanted Hampton dead. Their mission was accomplished.

The Chicago police, however, were not the only ones celebrating. We now know that within days of the murderous operation, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) awarded their Special Agent Roy Martin Mitchell, the handler of the informant who was key to the raid, a $200 bonus for work well done. This, and other information is contained in documents obtained by Aaron Leonard — posted here for the first time — via a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request.

The murder of Fred Hampton remains a point of tremendous outrage and debate decades after the fact — most recently thrust into the spotlight with the release of the film Judas and the Black Messiah . Too often there is an assumption that all facts are known. But with these new documents and others released in the past few years, it is clear there is more to uncover — not only for the sake of historical accuracy, but to understand how the bureau targeted those who were deemed threats to the status quo, so we can try to ensure such voices will not be silenced in the future.

COINTELPRO: “Black Nationalist Hate Groups”

When speaking of Fred Hampton the term COINTELPRO, the syllabic abbreviation for counterintelligence program, has become near-synonymous with his killing. So it is worth looking at what the COINTELPRO aimed at the Black Panther Party (BPP) actually was.

The United States at the end of the 1960s was in tumult. The antiwar movement was radicalizing, Catholic pacifists were destroying draft records, and the black freedom movement was giving way to Black Power and armed self-defense. Against this backdrop, in August 1967 the FBI launched a program called “COINTELPRO, Black Nationalist Hate Groups,” expanding on an effort begun in the mid 1950s directed at the Communist Party. The Bureau soon expanded the program. In a memo issued on March 4, 1968 , they elaborated on its objectives:

1) Prevent the coalition of black nationalist groups

2) Prevent the rise of a “messiah” who could unify, and electrify, the militant black nationalist movement [here citing Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr, Elijah Muhammad, and Stokely Carmichael as examples]

3) Prevent violence on the part of black nationalist groups

4) Prevent militant black nationalist groups and leaders from gaining respectability

5) Prevent the long-range growth of militant black nationalist organizations, especially among youth

Taken as a whole, this was a masterplan for destroying radical black nationalist groups. As 1968 gave way to 1969, the Bureau was particularly fixated on the Black Panther Party.

The Black Nationalist Hate Groups COINTELPRO was a major undertaking, and its exposure played a large role in forcing the Bureau to curtail domestic security operations in the mid-1970s. But COINTELPRO was just one piece of the Bureau’s larger toolkit against radicals, one that included surveillance, informant infiltration, intelligence gathering, and compiling lists for possible detention, and working with local police and their red squads to achieve these goals. Understanding this gives a much clearer picture of what Hampton and the Chicago BPP were up against.

The Black Panther Party for Self-Defense, which started in Oakland in 1966, did not get its start in Chicago until the end of 1968. Around this time, elements of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC), including leaders Stokely Carmichael (Kwame Ture), James Forman , and H. Rap Brown, briefly joined the BPP. In Chicago, this included SNCC member Bob Brown, who would become one of the chapter’s original members, along with Bobby Rush, and twenty-one-years-old NAACP Youth Chapter leader Fred Hampton. While the Panther-SNCC merger ultimately fell apart, the Chicago BPP did not.

From the start, the FBI was all over the Chicago chapter, having the advantage of an informant who joined the group as it was forming. William O’Neal had been recruited  by FBI Special Agent Roy Martin Mitchell. Mitchell, who had learned that O’Neal had stolen a car and crossed state lines — making his case a federal one — used that as leverage to turn him into a snitch. According to O’Neal, Mitchell told him:

“I know you did it, but it’s no big thing.” He said, “I’m sure we can work it out.” And, um, I think a few, few months passed before I heard from him again, and one day I got a call and he told me that it was payback time. He said that “I want you to go and see if you can join the Black Panther Party, and if you can, give me a call.”

O’Neal’s joining the Chicago chapter at its inception is consistent with a practice the Bureau had developed: aiming to embed informants  into radical groups at their formation, where they could more easily assimilate and potentially rise in the ranks. This held true for O’Neal: who quickly became a security captain for the chapter. It also helps explain how the FBI was able to develop insightful, if not always successful, COINTELPRO efforts against the chapter.

“The Bureau aimed to embed informants into radical groups at their formation, where they could more easily assimilate and potentially rise in the ranks.”

One of the first measures they implemented was a “poison pen” letter  sent to the Chicago Mau Mau street gang in December 1968. The letter purportedly from “a disgusted Black Panther,” slandered Bob Brown and Bobby Rush “as opportunists and hustlers out for their own personal gain.”

A month later they again tried to foment divisions, this by sending an incendiary letter to the Black P. Stone Nation , a formidable street gang, which was already in conflict with the Panthers over recruitment. The letter from “A Black brother you don’t know,” claimed “the Panthers blame you for blocking their thing and there’s supposed to be a hit out on you. […] I know what I’d do if I was you.” Fortunately cooler heads prevailed, though such was not the intent of the letter.

These were official COINTELPRO operations, meaning they had to be proposed and approved within the FBI hierarchy. Notably, they were not singularly targeted at Fred Hampton. Our research has only been able to find one example where Hampton is the explicit target.

That plan, outlined, in a November 25, 1969 memo , proposed sending a letter from “a disgruntled Panther” to the national office that would state:

“Myself and other brothers are getting tired of the screwing Hampton [Name REDACTED] are giving the brothers and sisters here in Chicago and the brothers in Berkeley. Last week [REDACTED] and Hampton called us all in for a meeting and the M….F……told us we are purged from the Party. All the time they are bitching about you no good nigger. [sic] They say you only think of Chicago when you need bread. You don’t give a damn about all our brothers in jail….”

The fodder for the letter was an incident in which Hampton had suspended a group of Chicago Panthers (the memo says “purged” until they “‘earned’ the right to be called a Panther”) for being late to a meeting. The letter’s aim was to sabotage plans for Hampton to move up the Panther hierarchy by joining the national office.

Notably, that same proposal shows up in a memo dated December 3, 1969 , which also references “a positive course of action” the Chicago Police Department were about to carry out (i.e., the raid, using intelligence the FBI had passed on to them from their informant William O’Neal).

“The letter’s aim was to sabotage plans for Hampton to move up the Panther hierarchy.”

It is confusing that both the raid and the proposed COINTELPRO against Hampton are mentioned in the same memo, suggesting the FBI’s effort against Hampton were more ongoing and they did not anticipate he would be killed the following day. At minimum, more information is needed to understand what the FBI was aware of about the imminent CPD raid.

The Chicago BPP in 1969 was in the middle of a tempest. On the one hand, the chapter was in the midst of an influx of new members, and the party was seen by many black youth as an electrifying force. Hampton himself was in high demand for giving speeches to organizations and on college campuses. Meanwhile police were routinely raiding BPP headquarters, the media was vilifying them, members were being arrested with minor charges transforming into major ones, and various secret police were working in the background to sabotage their efforts to work with and unite with other forces.

The CPD & the Red Squad

The murder of Fred Hampton unfolded against a pitched dynamic of raids and armed self-defense. In 1969, the Panther headquarters in Chicago was raided three times,  first by the FBI and twice by the CPD. Such an extraordinary situation helps explain the Panthers’ emphasis on security and self-defense.

Meanwhile, there were forces in operation in the background beyond the FBI. While the Panthers repeatedly ran up against Chicago street cops, the CPD also had a sizable intelligence component, operating under different names over the years but generally referred to as “the red squad.”

For a single city, the operation was huge. In his 1990 book Protectors of the Privilege, which documented the activity of big-city red squads, late ACLU director Frank Donner, called Chicago the “National Capital of Police Repression.” He reported that in 1970, 382 people were assigned to the unit, with forty-nine specifically targeting “subversives.” Not surprisingly, the Panthers were a target. According to former Panther Billy “Che” Brooks , the Chicago chapter was under the constant eye of the Chicago Red Squad and Gang Intelligence Unit.

“ACLU director Frank Donner called Chicago the ‘National Capital of Police Repression.’”

It was against that backdrop that the CPD’s targeting of the BPP reached a crescendo. On November 13, Panthers Lance Bell and Spurgeon “Jake” Winters were in the abandoned Washington Park Hotel when police were called out to them. Bell fled the scene, but Winters engaged cops in a running shootout, killing one and wounding nine officers. After an extensive chase, he shot one of the two officers on his trail, knocking him down. According to the account in Black Against Empire : The History and Politics of the Black Panther Party by Joshua Bloom and Waldo E. Martin Jr, as the other officers rushed forward, “Winters walked to the fallen officer, purposely raised his gun, and shot the officer in the face.” Winter was in turn killed by approaching police.

According to informant William O’Neal, this was the incident that set the CPD on a course of murderous revenge that would result in the killing of Fred Hampton.

The Rising Informant

It was against this backdrop that positions in the Chicago BPP chapter were constantly shifting. In the case of FBI informant William O’Neal, he appeared to be on the rise. This comes through in a 1,636-page document  released by the FBI in 2017 (under the JFK Assassination Records Collection Act), which includes numerous reports from SA Mitchell and an informant — most likely O’Neal.

Specifically, one document has SA Mitchell reporting , “HAMPTON is allegedly considering approaching O’NEAL to see if he will take over as acting Minister of Defense if RUSH goes to jail.” At the time, Bobby Rush was facing jail for possession of an unregistered weapon, stemming from a police arrest after a Panther speaking event in Urbana, Illinois.

While O’Neal was rumored for promotion, Hampton himself was confronting prison for an incident in which an ice cream truck was looted of $71 worth of merchandise and distributed to neighborhood youth. Hampton would be convicted at trial and later released on bail, but lost his appeal  on November 26 and was facing a return to jail to serve an excessive two- to five-year sentence.

The CPD were apparently in no mood to await Hampton’s imprisonment. Here, the FBI’s informant William O’Neal played a key role. It was O’Neal’s floor plan, a rough diagram , later refined by Mitchell  of the apartment where Hampton and other Panthers were staying, which was given to the CPD raiding party — a document that lawyers Jeff Haas and Flint Taylor  were able to pry loose in a later civil trial. While this is hard evidence of O’Neal’s role, many accounts of the murder also claimed that O’Neal drugged Hampton the night before the killing. That evidence, however, is still in dispute .

O’Neal’s role in supplying the floor plan, and the fact that he was given a $300 bonus a week after Hampton’s murder, has been known for some time. What had not been known previously, and which we learned with the release of 491 pages in SA Mitchell’s personal file, is the degree to which the Bureau was following, encouraging, and rewarding O’Neal and Mitchell throughout 1969 — culminating in a personal commendation by J. Edgar Hoover himself for Mitchell, days after Hampton’s murder:

“Through your aggressiveness and skill in handling a valuable source, he is able to furnish information of great importance to the Bureau in this vital area of our operations. I want you to know of my appreciation for your exemplary efforts.”

“It was O’Neal’s floor plan which was given to the CPD raiding party.”

In the memo, Hoover is careful not to spell out what the “vital area of our operations” is. But a notation on the letter reads, “Re: Black Panther Party,” making clear it was his work against the BPP. Further diminishing the commendation’s vagueness, another note references a “Moore-Sullivan” writing on December 2, 1969  that recommends the award for Mitchell’s “development of a highly productive informant in the Black Panther Party” — almost certainly William O’Neal.

Notably, the same day Hoover congratulated Mitchell, the FBI issued a COINTELPRO memo following up on the proposed poison pen letter aimed at Hampton. In it, they noted, “In view of the fact that Hampton was recently shot and killed by Chicago police, no further action is being taken in regard to your proposal.”

It remains unclear all the details the FBI knew about the CPD raid at the moment Hoover wrote to SA Mitchell. But it is clear that they knew their informant, carefully cultivated over months, had played an integral role in the “success” of an undertaking where the only people shot were Black Panthers awoken from their sleep, two of whom were shot dead. That in that moment, the Bureau chose to reward their agent’s work further closes a loop of culpability: it was blood money for a bloody deed.

Still More to Uncover

The Fred Hampton story has been told and retold such that it is frozen in amber, as if all the facts are known. Yet our obtaining of previously secret documents shows there is still more to be learned — not only from the corpus of files held by the FBI, but from the files of Chicago’s SAC Marlin Johnson, the informant William O’Neal’s file, any liaison notes between the CPD and the FBI that may exist, to say nothing of information that may lie in the records, not destroyed , of the Chicago Police and their red squad. (The CPD admitted in 1974 that it destroyed 105,000 files on individuals and 1,300 on organizations .) That all this time later we are still learning new information about Hampton’s killing is testament to the sheer volume of the effort aimed at this young revolutionary — and hopefully a spur to finally get all the secrets out.

This article previously appeared in Jacobin  and Reader Supported News .