#also Gwen is treated like the queen she deserves to be (and there’s even a hint of Mergwenthur there MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT)

[castelled-away]

Do you ever read a fic & then some random side characters that pop up again & again throughout the whole story do something together in the background while the main character is occupied with their own thoughts & just brushes over them like a fleeting, unimportant observation? And you’re like these two, I wanna ship these two. And then you keep your eyes open for more background interaction like those as a secondary goal besides reading & enjoying the fic (that’s when a fanfic really starts to live at least to me).

Though I’m all insecure & paranoid now bc the author surely didn’t mean to paint these two in a romantic light & just needed that side interaction as a description filler & im reading too much into this, but like…I ship it. Oops. How did that happen

Link is here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1830772 (it’s actually Part 2 of a longer 5-Parter-Series & Part 1 was already awesome but it keeps. getting. better.)

[real-total-drama-takes]

I’m gonna say it. I like Alejandro but DESPISE Heather. BUT!!! I have my reasons.

First off, Alejandro was the REAL mastermind of TDWT because in both seasons Heather was in she relied exclusively on alliances and then drop them when they weren’t needed anymore. The only way she was even able to survive TDWT was because of the amount of poorly disguised plot armor team Amazon had, countless fake-out eliminations just to boot half of the team in like four episodes and 2/3 of the finalists were from, you guessed it! Team Amazon. Meanwhile, Team Victory lost over half of their team in the span of 4 episodes and Team CIRRH (Chris Is Really Really Hot) got robbed of some characters who DESERVED their spot in the finals over Cody and Heather by a MILE.

Second, HEATHER IS LITERALLY RACIST??????? It wasn’t a “queen moment” it was straight up racism and I hate people using it as edit intros. Not much to say here.

Third, Heather literally mistreated everyone she ever interacted with on the show and then tried to play the victim in Action when literally nobody wanted to deal with her bullshit she got labeled as one who “didn’t deserve all of that 🥺” Bitch WHAT????? DIDNT DESERVE GETTING IGNORED BY PEOPLE WHO WERE TREATED LIKE SHIT BY HER???? Be so fr.

Sure, Alejandro manipulated people but Heather straight up RUINED a relationship (Gwen and Trent), you could argue that Alejandro also ruined Geoff and Bridgette’s relationship too, or Lindsay and Tyler’s relationship, but both were fixed almost IMMEDIATELY, Gwen and Trent had their relationship fall to bits, and that also dragged Duncan and Courtney’s relationship along, causing the MOST unnecessary drama within the fandom, and then people ship Heather and Courtney because “She was the only one there for Courtney when she needed it!!! 🥺” Bitch she was the ROOT CAUSE of the breakup be fucking for real.

Anyway that’s enough yapping nobody is probably gonna read all of this

[cool-person-yey]

Hey folks, so I was a bit bored and thought I'd be cool to take some notes of my thoughts while I was watching the first episode of tmagp

Most of them are nonsense but that's the way I think so

obviously, there will be spoilers for the new tmagp episode ( I'm tagging it tmagp spoilers ofc) so I'd you didn't watch it, go watch it now cmon man

welp, here they are

TMAGP SHOW NOTES!!!11!;1

• Oh dang 44 minutes ???

• ohhhh ominous music :)))

• HI ALEX

• HOLY SHITTT

• RUSTY QUILL PRESENTS THE MAGNUS PROTOCOL LETS FUCKIN GO

•* printer not functioning noises*

• not even 5 minutes in and I'm already recognizing some voices

• Alice <<<333

•BONES ARE A BIG LIE MADE BY MILK TO KEEP YOU BUYING IT that's what I've saying

• I also function on coffee and spite. and social media drama. as a treat.

• sorry mate you deserve to be booed

• " or they finally kill me " oh boy

• ooooohhhh Gwen!!!!

• " I'm your cool sister, Gwen's your uncool sister, Lena's the emotionally distant mother, Teddy is the uncle that just got another job and Collin's the grumpy IT manager" just. this. idk. just

•Alice is funny and I'll die on this hill thank you

• not the nepotism

• the spooky tape recorders already started or is teddy just forgetful??? hmmmm

• mold you like clay

• Alice is my favorite character actually

• Windows 95? oh wait no

• "what does it do?" "crashes mostly"

• " is that legal?" " probably. We do work for the government. sorta"

• finally a filing system that's a least a bit understandable(???)

• " The coolest person *left* in London" the hell you did to the rest of them Alice? 🤨

•wait what

• smashing it with a hammer would fix a lot of problems. supernatural or not.

• Collin is a mood

•Norris, Chester and Augustus huh

• WAIT WHAT

• NEVER HEARING WHO

• WHAT

• CEMETERY???

• THE HELL

• ARTHUR!!!!

• took him away from you??? this is concerning

• oh no,,,,,

• Darla?

• it spoke! using another person's voice— oh no

• discolored skin? mismatched features? oh no

• " some of him:)))" oh no

• shit

• being afraid of someone ( or some parts) of someone you loved. we're starting well

• Yeah there are worse ones buddy

• oh cmon it ain't that bad just put the goddamn word in there

• "you traitor" love me a dramatic queen///

• OHHH SHE'S GOING INTO THE DIRECTOR'S OFFICE ( the equivalent of it in a office job I suppose)

• ohh performance review okay

• look kids, sometimes you gotta deliver a work that's just okay instead of ABSOLUTELY perfect.

• so Gwen's the overachiever, got it.

• she's saying that as if Alice hasn't been shitting on everyone there already lmao

• oh we wish it was that easy

• oh the deja vu

• " what do you actually want" " your job" damn she's bolder than I thought lmao

• I wish I could talk back to people like that

• damn Collin's pissed

• Alice being a menace we love to see it

• " I'm a vegetarian" deadpan

• top 10 awkward conversations

• Collin is the most relatable of them all

• " a bit bleak" is an understatement

• clack clack clack

• you really need to know bro's backstory on his first day?

• is there a bet going on on who has the worst awful backstory to explain being there. that'd be funny I think

• buddy that's the worst place to try getting back to your feet but ok

• MAGNUS INSTITUTE RUINS LETS GO

•" what's the deal with the Magnus Institute" well. see. there's a lot of deals.

• alright? just a semi-normal conversation as of now

• nope

• yea the institute does that to ya

• " a cool vibe " yeah buddy

• "offices like little cells" oh you'd be surprised

• ARCHIVE HE SAID ARCHIVE!!!!!

• oh no the symbols

• strange stains mmnn

• an,,,,, empty box?

• photographic distortion. oh boy. oh boy.

• yea guys don't steal stuff from spooky sightseeing places especially if they could be yknow. cursed.

• are we going to be listening to ppl fighting on the internet rn or

• IMAGE REMOVED??? STAY ABOVE GROUND??? OH NO

• EYES????

• GORE???? OH BOY,,,,

• and the thread was locked. well damn.

• a blast from the past huh

• " is a bad name" " so is Gwendolyn"

• hmm static

• phone

• "you get a job and I got a victim"

• that seems like a reasonable theory tbh

• cleaning toilets actually helps people

• Sam noodle arms confirmed

• " to new beginnings" " with old friends" * clank*

• oh great more little noises

• more noises

• OHHH

• find who???? WHO????

• oh you got to be kidding me

• more ominous music hmmmm

• The Magnus Protocol is a podcast FUCK YEAH IT SURE IS!

Phew, that was a lot. thank you if you read all of this lmao

edit: fixed some misspellings, if there any left please do warn me! my heading's not the best and auto-correct is a bitch (especially if you use two languages lmao)

[weakforarwen]

The Once and Future Queen is an endlessly rewatchable episode, isn't it? It's weird how immature Arthur was in the beginning. He never stops being a brat, but his manners improve, at least. Poor Gwen had to put up with an entitled Prince staying in her home. One minute he was proving he had depth, telling Gwen the reason he was competing in the tournament anonymously was that he wanted to know he had won on his own merit, and, the next, he was having Gwen fetch him clean water in the middle of the night. Gwen was touched by his sincerity, and then annoyed; so annoyed, in fact, that the next day at the tournament, she was still angry at Arthur.

Arthur's not-so-secret masochism kink will forever be funny to me. He was taken aback by Gwen's whole rant against him, but he was never actually mad at her; he pretended to be while encouraging her to keep going. Like, for real, he wasn't exactly happy to hear he was entitled and arrogant, but he wasn't ashamed or angry. He genuinely valued Gwen's opinion and was happy that someone was showing him complete honesty for once. He was so pleased by her words he even offered to cook her dinner for the first and last time in his life.

Merlin: You're trying to impress her? Arthur: Don't be ridiculous, Merlin. And get me a decent shirt, will you? Your clothes are making me itch all over, it's like having fleas.

The biggest plot hole in this episode is how long it took Gwen to notice Arthur hadn't cooked for her. I mean, first of all, her kitchen was clean, second of all, she was missing no ingredients, third of all, Arthur can't cook and the food was "delicious", forth of all, didn't she know what her own plates looked like? Did she just wait until the end of the meal to call him out on it? But she was so nice while they were eating and thanked him for the food... She wasn't pretending...

Anyway, Arthur offering to clean up the dishes was a much bigger deal than Gwen realized. He lied to her about the food, but the mere thought that Prince Arthur wanted to cook for someone and do their dishes because he'd been treating Gwen like a servant and wanted to repay her, was already, on its own, inconceivable.

G: Because I thought you'd shown some humility! You'd done something kind for me even though I'm just a servant! A good king should respect his people, no matter who they are. A: Guinevere. I know I have much to learn. There are some things that I am terrible at - cooking being one of them. But also, knowing what to say to someone I care about.

Oh, Arthur... We know your flaws and we love you anyway.

Arthur and Gwen's first kiss was just so... ugh. I want to live in it.

I've said it before, but that kiss was the first truly impulsive decision Arthur ever made. Arthur only ever lied to or disobeyed his father to help others, like Mordred or the people of Camelot. He didn't disobey his father for selfish reasons. He lied in this episode about missing the tournament, but he wasn't truly doing anything Uther wouldn't have approved of. His father would've understood, and even admired, Arthur's wish to prove himself beyond his title. And, still, he planned his deceit. It hadn't been an impulse decision to lie to the King during dinner, he'd already had a plan.

Arthur kissing Gwen wasn't planned at all. He made a split-second decision for himself. It wasn't about proving his worth, which was as much about himself as it was about proving he could be the Prince his people deserved; Arthur had no ulterior motive, no plan, or even justification, for kissing Gwen. He just wanted to, so he did. He did it for himself, because he liked her. And it was such a big moment for Arthur, not only because his future relationship with Gwen would be so important to him on his journey to become King (and beyond), but because it showed a different side to Arthur. In that moment, Prince Arthur disappeared and Arthur really was just Arthur. He got what he wanted in the beginning of the episode: he was a normal man who had kissed a woman he liked, and that woman had kissed him back because she liked him too, not because he was the Prince.

Anyway, the music in this episode was beautiful. It wasn't just the Arwen theme. During the final match at the tournament, the music choice was utterly perfect too. But the camerawork and Gwen's reactions while watching an injured Arthur fight Myror were more than a tad dramatic. The music choice fit the match, but it was a bit much when combined with Gwen's reactions. It made her look like a damsel in distress. For that same reason, I also don't like this bit of dialogue (I highlighted the most dramatic lines):

G: You're losing too much blood. A: Do what you can. I have to be back on the course within five minutes or I forfeit the match. G: You can't possibly joust, you're too badly injured! A: I have never withdrawn from a match. I do not intend to start now. G: You would risk your life to protect your pride? You have nothing to prove. Least of all to me.

I don't get why Gwen would tell Arthur he had nothing to prove to her in particular. I don't think he'd been trying to impress her at all. Arthur would never withdraw from a match, not unless something bigger than his life was at stake. I think she said it to show Arthur he had already impressed her, because she knew he'd tried to impress her or gain her approval before. Moreover, though, she said it just so Arthur could answer: "I have everything to prove. To myself.".

Gwen was even more impressed with Arthur after that. She had a real kink for the heroic types. That bit of dialogue was on the same league as most of the dialogue in Lancelot and Guinevere, which I dislike for the same reasons: Gwen was used to prop-up the male characters, with her love and approval being a sort of trophy or reward for their good behavior. I mean, Arthur didn't even reveal his identity after winning the tournament because he wanted to show Gwen humility, and thus gain her approval.

Likewise, Lancelot realized his worth after Gwen told him he was "all that was good" in Lancelot and Guinevere, and impressed Gwen by being willing to die for her, which he considered the noblest death. Arthur proved his worth to himself by fighting in the tournament, and the fact that he didn't do it to gain Gwen's approval impressed her regardless. Either way, it was like Gwen fell under their spell after their heroics, which painted her as some damsel in distress from a fairytale. It was disservice to her character, and what caused the whole Lancelot drama.

The ending with Arthur looking back at Gwen was really touching, but I wasn't touched by Gwen's words: "Perhaps when you are King, things will be different.". Considering the Lancelot and Guinevere episode, and how Gwen was the one to pull away from Arthur for the rest of the season (and even in season 3), the writers had, again, made Gwen the princess locked in a tower waiting for her true love to come. Gwen wasn't like that. She wasn't going to wait for a man she couldn't have. But Arthur looking back at her was beautiful, because, despite his words, it didn't matter that his father didn't approve. He would always choose her. The scene was also symbolic of the inner conflict Arthur would experience for the rest of the series: Gwen/his heart or his father/tradition? Arthur's characterization was overall much better than Gwen's, though Gwen's characterization was great until the kiss.

To end things on a lighter note, how the fuck did Myror climb the castle with his bare hands? Remember Arthur and Merlin did it in Lancelot and Guinevere too? And chatted on the way up? Hilarious.

Poor Merlin and the leech tank. If Merlin could barely finish all his chores with magic, how were normal servants supposed to handle the workload?...

Anyway, great episode!

[badgirlcovenrep]

My thoughts on Motherland Fort Salem: Ep. 6: "My 3 Dads"

- whew... this is gonna be a long one, this episode had SO MUCH going on

- I thought cape lady was Scylla for a second ngl

- this is like... way too much spree. Like- WAY too much

- the "bleed for freedom" speech is pretty poignant tho. Like, they're not wrong and that's what makes the Spree so scary to me

- I can see why witches would give their lives to the Spree with how the world is going for them and that's why they're so powerful

- tally is seeing through Alder's lies! My cinnamon roll will bring waste upon the U.S military herself and I'm SO here for it!

- so they hate Alder in the Cession? That brought me so any questions

- If the Cession is mostly native American is there some historical beef between alder and the first nations?

- when alder gave them the cession in exchange for biddyship like eliot said was it done as peacefully as alder implied? We know she could definitely cover up smth like this

- did she do something shady to get the biddies?

- They need Charvel's blood? How long has she been dead at this point? Does she even still have blood? I'm so confused

- love abigail and adil being rebelious together tho. They're so hot. I'm a sucker for bi couples

- i also think it's nice to see adil be so cool and outspoken, he's definitely different nowadays

- abigail's dads are so cute but i do not trust them

- can they legit leave abigail alone? Like they won't stop for A SECOND to acknowledge she's still traumatized from being hunted and almost killed but they want her to honor her family by being a glorified incubator for the army? Fuck THAT

- this handfasting thing makes me so MAD, literally EWWW

- Shane killed tiffany's parents... honestly i'm glad Scylla killed that psycho

- he deserved to die and Scylla did Brianna a favor idc what anacostia says

- he was definitely gonna groom his daughter into the Camarilla she's better off away from this mess

- hopefully bonnie and her get to have a normal life now

- I also fully support Tiffany going with the Dodgers

- they're truly the only pacifists out of this whole show

- and like Scylla said, if she goes there, she has a chance to actually choose for herself what she wants to do

- if she went with the military she'd be like, instantly conscripted, and she deserves to choose if she wants that

- #justicefortiffany

- so Raelle is only going to find out Willa is alive when she sees the bitch, huh? Okay. Okay, yeah. I'm fine...

- not really I'm dying inside this meeting is gonna be SO UGLY

- like if she found out first she'd have sometime to think about it, now she's just going to have to deal with it on the spot and that is NOT going to help

- the conflicting feelings are going to be delicious though, she's going to feel happy and relieved that her mom is alive but also probably be so hurt and angry that she left them to mourn her all this time I'm so nervous for all this

- beanie!Tally has my whole entire heart

- I don't like Anacostia being back with Alder but I guess she wasn't ready for all this shit

- scylla is way more of a little shit than she predicted

- I already love Gwen. I was hoping we'd get to meet Willa's unit at some point, wonder what happened to the third one

- cool to see her use the same off-canon work as Raelle tho, still curious to know where that came from

- love adil literally not caring about Abigail's family's dumb traditions

- also I hate her dads now

- like calling witches MARES??? What is wrong with these people?? Do they not see how wrong this is? 🤢🤢

- they literally KNOW they're treating Abigail like a freaking animal to be bred

- this is so disgusting I stg and so very reminiscent of how women were treated back in the day, like baby incubators

- did- did this show jus imply Abigail was made in an orgy...

- kinda liked seeing willa be so nice to tiffany, you can definitely see she has a lot of maternal traits abt her

- it MUST eat Scylla alive a bit that Tiffany lost her parents just like she lost hers

- the Camarilla keeping kids in animal cages and feeding them dog food is literally so vile. Eliot didn't have to go THERE, but he did and it makes this all so much scarier

- it's like willa said tho, they're doing this bc they're literally so scared of witches they won't even go for grown up ones

- we saw how they ran like little bitches when the lights went off at the party

- they're all just cowards

- on another note. "Bedtime for tally" lol

- YESSS put it all together, TALLY!! My baby is gonna start a rebellion I can feel it!

- was not expecting Nicte to still be alive tho

- in my head the flashbacks were WAY older

- Petra is being such a bitch to Abigail I stg. She said she'd change in episode 1 and she's only getting worse

- was not expecting granny Minerva to side with Abigail on this but literally GO OFF, LITERAL QUEEN OF PERFECT MICROBRAIDS

- YA'LL RAELLE IS SINGING. RAELLE IS SINGING STFU THIS IS SO PERFECT.

- if we don't get Raelle serenading Scylla by the end of this show what's even the point

- AND eliot said she was thinking about Scylla aaaaaaaa

- she deserved those dad hugs, I'm so sad she still thinks her mom's dead tho

- watching tip: go back on the scene Alder is getting her throat burned and just watch the biddies roll around dramatically on the floor. You don't have to thank me. I was laughing hard at that

- I had a feeling Raelle was gonna get taken but STILL JESUS THAT SCENE

- it scared me so much and poor Tally tried to save her 😔

- ya'll get what THIS means right??

- Scylla and willa are gonna HAVE to go get her

- there's no way they won't

- I'm 100% not ready for next week but I want it sooo bad

[howlinggoodreads]

Why I think Gwenriel is endgame

These are purely my own thoughts and opinions. Please don’t take offence if you disagree with them. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect everyone’s theories and ships. At the end of the day is up to Queen Maas to decide. In the meantime I enjoy reading eveones thoughts while we wait for the real thing! Hopefully not to long. 💜😊💜

There were a lot of clues and breadcrumbs in ACOSF in regard to Elain and Azriel in my opinion.

Lots have already been mentioned like her not fitting in with the night court (wearing black doesn’t suit her according to Cassian) and how much Elain would love the Spring court.

I have a theory that Lucien will become high lord of the Spring Court. I don’t know if SJM will kill off Tamlin or he’ll remain in his beast form in the wild, but I believe somehow he will no longer be a high lord and Lucien will take up the role. This fits in for Elain being high lady of the spring court, which she’d love. She could garden all day! Remember the rose garden in the spring court? She’d love it!

Azriel is ashamed of what he’s done with his hands, the scars on them and hides them from Elain but those same hands killed Gwyn’s abusers right in front of her. She understands the necessity of what Asriel has done and what he’ll continue doing. They’re both warriors and there’s no shame between them only a mutual understanding to fight for the greater good.

His shadows love Gwyn! They didn’t tell him she was training that night so he couldn’t avoid seeing her. They reach out for her and she smiles at them. They hide from Elain and Mor and I don’t think that’s a good thing. Like Azriel said to Gwyn “ I am a Shadow Singer, it’s not just a title.”

I believe it was his shadows who guided Az to give the necklace to Gwen. His conscious self gave it to Elain but his unconscious self gave it to Gwyn.

Azriel saved Gwyn from her abusers and the Males who murdered her twin. I think the trauma of that caused the mating bond between them to get affected. He refuses to see her as a potential mate because of the her assault and not wanting to add to it and Gwyn is still healing so she doesn’t realise. We know that trauma affects the mating bond, his shadows know she’s his mate even if he refuses to see it yet.

I learnt more about Az in his small bonus chapter meeting with Gwyn than I have in the whole time he’s been in ACOTAR, he sings!

Apart from the fact Rhys and Cassian are mates with the other two sisters I don’t see any other connection between Az and Elain. SJM covered that in Azriels bonus chapter, just because the other two are mates with the Archeron sisters doesn’t make him entitled to the third sister.

They’re both rebounding, Az with Mor and Elain with Greysen. They’ve both been rejected and are trying to regain some control over there lives.

We don’t know what Gwyn’s thinking when she looks at Azriel. Cassian said she kept looking at him during training but couldn’t read what she was thinking.

Gwyn isn’t apposed to romance in her life. She reads romances with Nesta and Emerie.

Azriel is very patient, he waited 500 years waiting for Mor and never pressured her. He is the perfect personality for Gwyn in my opinion he’ll wait forever for her once he realises how special she is.

Gwyn will grow past what’s happened to her. It doesn’t define her and her future. She will heal and find happiness as she deserves.

I’ve been a Elucien shipper ever since Elain came out the cauldron and Lucien declared she was his mate. He has been so patient with Elain and has never pressured her. My heart broke for him when he gave her her solstice present (pearl earrings) and she barely said a thank you.

He has had an abusive past not dissimilar to Gwyn. He has been mentally and physically abused and his wife was murdered by his family in front of him.

He also has a physical disability because Amarantha blinded him in one eye.

“In a rare moment of losing his temper, Lucien told Amarantha to, "go back to the shit-hole she'd crawled out of." As punishment for his words, Amaranatha attacked Lucien and carved out his left eye.”

A million points to Lucien for standing up to Amarantha btw!

He has also been treated badly by Tamlin and continues to stick by him and try to be his friend.

He was also assaulted by Ianthe.

After everything he’s been through I can’t see Maas rejecting the mating bond. It would be cruel to do that to someone who’s overcome so much pain and hardship. It would be the poster child for good guys finish last. If he’d pressured Elain or reacted badly because of her wariness of the bond I might see it, but he’s been the perfect gentleman.

Shipping Azriel with Elain hurts two people who have already had a lifetime of pain. I just don’t see it happening because of a few lustful looks across the dinner table. I think Elain and Azriel’s relationship is about control and the fact they both feel like they’ve lost to much in there lives.

I trust Azriel’s shadows more than I trust Azriel’s insight at the moment. His conversation which Rhys proves he’s not in a very good place and he’s not seeing thing clearly. They’re both pushing themselves towards what they think they want and ignoring what they need.

I really hope Gwyn makes a friendship bracelet for Az! Hers has teal blue for her eyes, white for the light inside her and blue the same colour as Azriel’s siphons perhaps? And what wish would she make for him?

Az and Elain = Lust 💋

Az and Gwyn = Love ❤️

[bisaster-energy]

merlin and/or mcu for the blorbification list <3

Hi nemy !!! I'm gonna do Merlin and then later I'll probably post a whole separate one for MCU (god that'll be a long post)

Blorbo: oh Merlin my Merlin :) from boy to man shouldering the responsibility of all of Albion without so much as a thank you I kiss him goodnight in my head. Everyone who's anyone loves at least a little bit (even if they hate him) it's just how it works!! A god amongst men living like a servant. Insane. Magical entities speak directly to his brain and he just has to pretend to be Some Guy visiting nobles feel like their world has turned upside down when they see him tell a joke that makes the king guffaw. The other servants swoon when they see him. He looks out of his window in the dark of night looking to the stars like they'll answer "why" or "how" or even "what for". I could talk about him until it kills me

Scrunkly: Gwen!! She's everything to me ooohh my god. She's so lovely and also will stab you. She's awkward as hell and is constantly putting her foot in her mouth but it's so endearing. She steals the hearts of so many! The king of Camelot could be out for blood she'd be like "Arthur" and he'd be like "yes darling :)" like she has him and everybody else absolutely whipped. Do not let her and Merlin gang up on you they'd be unstoppable 😩 she's the queen of Camelot and she's perfect in the sense that she's not

Scrimblo bimblo: elyan without a doubt. No one wears a hoodie like him 🥰 he's small he's ace and he's here to fuck shit up. his sister is the queen loser watch your kneecaps cos if he catches u talking shit it's over. Percival carries him around sometimes :) he verbally destroys the knights (specifically gwaine) at any point in time just for kicks! He's also very soft and kind (don't get me started on the ghost of the druid boy I'll cry) anyway wdym he's dead he's right here putting the racist who challenged him in a duel to shame

Glup shitto: GWAINE the absolute madlad!! He probably doesn't count as obscure but he should've been in the show more!! Every time he's on screen I'm like "THERE HE IS!! THE BOY! what atrocities will he commit :)" from the first time we met him we were as enamored with him as Merlin was. Mans was in the middle of a bar fight and stopped to flirt with the Twink with the cheekbones and honestly that's on code. He's noble and hates it but he'd go riding into hell for the prattiest one of all because Merlin is the love of his life and he'd want him to. Merlin his first friend who'd never tire of him never ask him to change loves him just the way he is. Merlin braids his hair Merlin berates him while tending to his wounds Merlin is everything to him. But he also found friends in circles he doubted he ever would before coming to Camelot. Him shooting the shit with knights who woulda thought. He calls the crown prince Princess and I love him I love him

Poor little meow meow: somehow Arthur goes right here. Idk why but he gets a lot of hate but I love him he doesn't deserve it 🥺 he treats Merlin like shit even after he's had character development that should've CHANGED THAT so I DO metaphorically pinch his arm on occasion. Maybe if we had a spritz bottle for when he's being nasty :) anyways he's pathetic he always listens to his father but it's never enough he fell in love with two servants who are too good for him and his self worth is based entirely on other people. He's a bisexual dumbass who's closest knights are all really hot guys. hm. He's done a lot of bad things but he's also so so good the future if his kingdom rests with him and in his eyes it's his burden alone to bear and I think a blanket and some hot chocolate would do him good!!

Horse plinko: Leon my beloved <3 aptly named the long suffering because the pain never stops!! From "poetry lessons" to straight up not being able to die this man has had it rough and I'm only gonna make it worse. I love him but I love him more while he's contemplating yeeting himself onto a sword. the knights (AND THE KING) fall asleep during his speeches. He's the actual mom of the group and don't let Lancelot fool you into thinking he's some how more nature than the rest of these assholes (to be fair Leon has his moments of mischief as well 😌)

Eeby deeby:

I hate him your honor.

Tysm for the ask nemy!!!!

[doctorofmagic]

I loved what if! ep 4 and everything about it, but my cleastrange heart wishes that there should've been Clea rather than Christine. Even though the story makes more sense with a helpless innocent human and wouldn't have worked this well with a powerful magic user like Clea herself. I just wish there would've been a Clea×stephen episode. Because the way mcu is pushing Christine more and more into this role of strange's "True love" (even though she isn't in main timeline or in comics), the more people would refuse the idea of Clea×stephen if she gets introduced in the MCU movies. Just like what happened with poor Sharon Carter, the girl deserves to be the main female lead in CA movies but since Peggy was introduced first and pushed a lot more than needed, people became more comfortable with Peggy and hated Sharon.

Greetings, anon, and thank you for sharing your thoughts!

I'd love an episode like this starring Clea, but sadly she was not introduced yet - and I fear that they'll indeed push the Clea = Christine agenda, which I personally hate.

We still have to wait and see what they'll create with this but for the episode, I really don't mind to see more on Strangepalmer. I find her a very interesting character and to be honest with you, I don't really believe that everything that is settled in the MCU will be reflected on the same storylines in alternate universes. For instance, if we think about NWH, just take a look at Garfield's Spidey and how he was in love with Gwen, while Holland's Spidey fell directly into MJ's arms (I know Garfield's Spidey never had the chance to meet MJ but let's make an effort haha).

This is why I don't believe that every alternate Stephen is in love with Christine. That would be soooo boring. And What If? is here to expand the possibilities.

This is merely my opinion, of course. I could be wrong and Christine will be forever Stephen's only love interest (boooooring).

As for the main public, I hate the toxic part of the MCU fandom (which is pretty much the whole MCU twt and TikTok, you know I'm right) and I don't really care what they'll think about Clea. Excuse my language but I really, really, really don't give a damn about their stupid opinions. I had this sudden realization that, since they started crying on Stephen's personality, they're just unreasonable. Not to mention that Clea is already target of hatred (it happened once in this blog) but my love for her knows no shame. She's the queen of my dimension and I won't listen to crybabies.

As for Sharon and Peggy... once they started with the Peggy agenda, they should never have pushed the Sharon agenda after that. I'm sorry for the comic book stans but it was utterly disgusting to think that Steve would do something like that - also I'm sorry for the way the MCU treated Sharon. I still don't like the plot twist but I digress.

Clea and Christine on the other hand... as long as they're completely different characters (NOT RELATED, THIS IS IMPORTANT), then all is fine to me. MCU has this habit of pushing the same couple to the bitter end and honestly, it's so boring. To be fair, I don't have any hopes. I'm just... numb. Never been a hardcore fan (and I never get tired of stating that), so it will be easier for me to let go of whatever bs they bring on Stephen's lore. Hopefully, it doesn't come to that.

I'm just gatekeeping Cleaphen forever ~ehehehe

Also my apologies for my tone as I replied to this post. I'm really bitter when I have to discuss such matters. Been doing this for years and I can't take any more of Christine/Clea discourse.

[thenameishayley248]

hi!! could you possibly write something for gwaine from merlin where the reader is gwen's servant and he's smitten by her and the other knights tease him, and maybe gwen gave her an old dress and he sees her in this new fancy dress instead of servant garb and is just cute ,, sorry if this is overly specific ! also no worries if you dont write this!! ty, have a good one! x :)

I hope you like it!! I’m a little rusty, but I think I’m happy with how this turned out!! Thanks for the request! (:

You were walking through the marketplace, following Gwen as she was picking out some new garments to add to her wardrobe. 

“The blue one would look beautiful on you milady,” you say with a smile. 

“I was thinking the blue, as well,” she replied, giving the woman at the stand the money for the dress. 

You both continue on through the crowd when you hear the boisterous laughs of the knights just ahead of you. As you look up, your eyes meet the beautiful, brown ones of Sir Gwaine, who gives you a sweet smile. You and Sir Gwaine have gotten along ever since he first became a knight. Despite your job as a servant, he has always treated you as an equal. He always loved that you were able to match him in his quick-witted banter, which always gained laughs from the other knights.

You follow Gwen as she walks up to the group of men to greet them.

“Good morning boys,” she says.

“Your majesty,” the five men reply, bowing their heads. 

As Leon, Elyan, Percival, and Lancelot speak with Gwen, Gwaine’s focus seems to have never left you. Having noticed his friend’s lack of attention to the queen, Leon gently elbows Gwaine’s side, earning a stifled laugh from both you and Gwen.

“Well, I should get back to the castle. There are a few things I need to tend to,” Gwen says. “Y/N, I forgot to get some flowers for the center-table, would you mind getting some for me?” 

“Of course, milady,” you reply.

“It may be best that you are accompanied, as well. Just to be safe,” Gwen smiles, knowing which of the men would be the first to offer.

“I’d be happy to escort, Y/N,” Gwaine says quickly. He clears his throat trying to cover up his embarrassingly quick response.

“Thank you, Sir Gwaine,” you smile. You both bid farewells as you begin your walk down towards the fields.

As you walk through the flower field, you and Gwaine speak of how the past few days have been, as you haven’t seen him since he’s been on patrol. 

“I hear they missed you down at the tavern. The last few days haven’t been the same without your crazy antics,” you joke, giving him a small nudge on the arm. 

“Well I have missed causing trouble down there. And seeing you every morning of course,” he smiles, looking over at you. 

“Oh I’m sure,” you say with a small laugh, picking a handful of purple flowers to take back to Gwen. 

You walk together in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company until you reach the doors of the castle. Gwaine stops you before you enter.

“You’ll be at the feast later tonight, yes?” he asks, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Of course. Well, it is sort of my job to be there with Gwen,” you laugh.

“Right. Well, I suppose I’ll see you then,” he smiles.

“I suppose you will. Thank you for walking with me, I enjoyed the company.”

You walk into Gwen’s chambers, seeing her trying to pick out a dress for tonight. She turns and gives you a knowing smile.

“So how was your time spent with Sir Gwaine?” 

“It was very nice,” you laugh, “Thank you for your very obvious attempt at trying to get us together.”

“He’s a good man. A crazy one, but good. And he is absolutely smitten by you. Everyone can see it.” 

You smile at the thought of being with Gwaine. The man who always manages to put a smile on your face, even on the worst days. His flirty personality and messy, brown locks were enough to make you swoon, but his kind gestures and loyalty to his friends is what always stood out the most. The rugged man has you lost in a daydream until a heavy piece of clothing lands on top of your head, breaking your trance. You hear Guinevere laughing through the fabric. Removing the garment from your head, you see that it is a beautiful red dress, one of your favorites from Gwen’s closet.

“What is this for?” you asked. 

“That is for you. You’re wearing it to the feast tonight. And not as my maid, but as a guest,” she says with a smile. “You work hard every day, and at this point you are more of a friend than anything. You deserve a night off, especially if it means you’ll get to spend quality time with a certain knight.”

She gives you a hug and you help each other get changed into your evening gowns. 

Just before the feast is to begin, Gwen leads you both through the grand doors of the dining hall. Some of the guests have already arrived, including your favorite group of knights. All of them bow their heads to Gwen as you both walk towards your seats. You look over at the knights and notice that Gwaine’s eyes are glued to you. You give him a smile and a wave, which he returns. Seemingly unable to break his gaze from you, Leon gives him a small shove, whispering something in his ear followed by a small chuckle from both men. As Gwen takes her seat beside Arthur, Gwaine makes his way over to you. 

“Y/N,” he says with a bow,”You look, uh, y-you look beautiful tonight. Well, I mean you always look beautiful, but...um I just mean the dress looks beautiful on you tonight.” He nervously runs his fingers through his long, brown locks. You can’t help but giggle at his uncharacteristic nervousness.

“Well thank you Sir Gwaine. You look beautiful as well,” you say with a smirk, a chuckle erupting from his lips.

He offers his arm and escorts you to your seat beside Gwen, giving you a small wink as he pushes your chair up for you.

Throughout dinner, you noticed Gwaine stealing numerous glances at you from across the table. At one point you waited for him to look at you so you could stick your tongue out at him quickly, earning a stifled laugh from him and Lancelot. When dinner was over, everyone moved on to the ballroom for a dance. As you were waiting off to the side, watching all of the couples dance, you saw Leon seemingly giving a pep talk to Gwaine. You couldn’t help but laugh, as you have a feeling you know what they are discussing. Before Gwaine has the chance to pluck up the courage to talk to you again, you are already by his side, giving a small tap on his shoulder. 

As he turns around, you hold out your hand to him.

“Care to dance?” you ask with a sweet smile. He looks pleasantly surprised.

“I thought you’d never ask,” he laughs, taking your hand and leading you both through the dancing bodies.

He places his hand on your waist, keeping hold of the other as you both begin to follow the lead of everyone else.

“If I’m being honest, I’m quite sure how to dance,” you say, glancing down at your feet every so often so you don’t step on his.

He laughs. “I don’t either. But if I get to spend more time with you, I’d happily make a fool of myself.”

As you dance, you don’t take your eyes off of each other, taking in the rare moment of your bodies being so close. The warmth of his hand on your waist and the look that he holds in his eyes gives you butterflies. Something no man has ever given you. He leans closer to you, his lips so close to your ear you can feel his breath.

“You really are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met,” he whispers, a smile creeping its way onto your lips. You lean back to look at his face again.

“Perhaps it’s just the fancy dress,” you say with a small laugh, not being used to receiving such compliments.

He stops you, both standing still amongst the people swinging around you. He places his hand on the side of your cheek. 

“You are beautiful with and without the dress. You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met,” he smiles. “And I’d be a fool if I didn’t admit that my feelings for you have only grown since the first day I saw you.” 

You lean into his warm touch, admiring the man before you.

“And I’d be a fool if I didn’t tell you that I feel exactly the same way for you.”

A smile creeps onto his face as he begins to lean in closer. His lips ghost over yours, just before pressing them together. It’s as if time itself stops. He presses your body closer to his, as you both take in the satisfaction of finally giving in to your feelings. 

When you break the kiss, you both give each other the biggest grins. You look over to see Arthur and Gwen celebrating with Merlin, who always swore you two would end up together. As you and Gwaine walk hand-in-hand to join your friends, you see Elyan place a silver coin in Leon’s hand. Gwaine gives them a questioning look, before Leon responds. 

“We may have had a bet for how long it would take for you two to get together. Let’s just say I had more faith in you than Elyan did.” 

You playfully roll your eyes at the men, turning your attention to Gwaine who is already staring at you with a loving smile.

“Better late than never I suppose,” you smirk, placing another kiss on the knight’s lips. 

“Now,” Gwaine starts, “I think a celebration at the tavern is in order!” You all laugh and roll your eyes at the man.

“The guys down there are never going to believe someone actually enjoys your presence for longer than an hour,” Merlin jokes, turning his gaze to you.

“Eh, he’s not too bad. I’m thinking of keeping him around,” you turn to Gwaine, giving him a wink. He takes your hand as you all head toward the doors.

“You might change your mind about that if you were to smell his dirty socks after a long day’s training,” Merlin replies. 

You laugh as you walk beside Gwaine, glancing up to see him giving you a loving smile. As you walk hand-in-hand, you know that nothing could compare to the happiness that you feel now as you think about what the future holds for you and the handsome knight. 

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

Our lovely queen Gwen

BELOVEDDD

How I feel about this character: she's just so magical. She's so kind and gentle and dorky and brave but not fearless and graceful but still occasionally a dumbass and UGH who is doing it like HER

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Arthur, Merlin, occasionally Lancelot, Gwainey sometimes, Mithian post canon

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Mergwennnn also her w her sibs Elyan and Leon 🥺

My unpopular opinion about this character: how she is in s5 actually makes a lot of sense apart from her going along w perpetuating a genocide and not seeing the hypocrisy in respect must be earned it cannot be bought with blood but that has never made sense so anyway bc she's literally gone from being a servant who's been accused of sorcery twice whose father was executed (murdered) for it and she was banished for adultery on the eve of her wedding with the king to being queen overnight... a lot of people are gonna be awful to her and not trust her or respect her or take her opinion seriously of COURSE she can't openly be the same sweet girl and she still is around Arthur in private! she's still lovely Gwen but of course she's had to culture this front. of course she can't go running around on adventures with Merlin or wear her own dresses or serve herself at mealtimes as nice as that would be this is not the golden age!! Most people will be rooting against her and she has to stand her ground bc you know they are just waiting for an excuse to tear her down they even say as much in 5x08

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: She tells Arthur to get fucked in s4 when he treats her so shittily the entire season. Of course I would rather it never happened at all and they only got better from s3 onwards but alas. He should be grovelling on his knees and instead he barely apologises and she deserves so much better than that and she knows this!! get his ass girl

ty for the ask! 💖

[nose-bl]

hey, i’m trying to see something

am i the only one that feels like Gwen’s character massively changed after she became queen? As if she lost importance and like she wasn’t as present as before, and was way too formal with Arthur ?

I still love her!! Don’t get me wrong, it’s just, I feel like they didn’t treat her with the respect and care she deserves, like the writers started to leave her out, and the whole evil Gwen storyline just didn’t sit well with me, considering how much she had already suffered

And I know that obviously going from being a servant to being the queen is a huge change in her life, and everything about her life is different, it comes with a great responsability and a lot of power, but still, it bothers me. I miss her and I miss her friendship with Merlin which also changed. In fact, I can’t remember if they even talk in this season, they probably do but the fact that I can’t remember that at all says something

[sunnymusingsao3]

⭐ please mr director! release the morgwen cut....(where'd your headcanons for gwen come from, what are some challenges you have re: writing them)

Behind the Scenes: Fanfic Edition

Essay incoming! This one got long as well!

Oh bless you for asking me about this; she once was a true love of mine is one of my favorite things I've ever written, and I am always 110% ready to scream about the things that inspired it!

So the answer to your second question goes hand-in-hand with the answer to the first actually, so I'm gonna answer these out of order!

The biggest challenge with these two is mostly just how little we have in canon in regards to their relationship, background, history, and other such information that would typically be very helpful for writing a canon character-- or how two of them relate-- for a fanfic!

With Morgana, we have a little bit, but she's also not often allowed-- in the show, at least-- to be a character outside of being a villain for our heroes to fight, so one challenge with her is understanding what she does in her day-to-day life. What is she doing when she isn't advancing the plot via attempted fratricide, or directly opposing Merlin in some way? Since she can't possibly always be sitting in her tower rubbing her hands together maniacally (or pulling a BBC Merlin and smirking in full view of everyone who suspects her) I want to know what kinds of things she likes to do when she's not in court, or tackling the Big Themes Of The Show.

She's clearly moved on from lessons with Merlin, so she is not spending all her time studying-- though I do think she must be self-taught in shadow magic, so perhaps some days are spent on magic study-- and ToA is set before Morgana starts being a general-purpose villain to throw into your knight's tale (because as any medieval male writer will tell you, there is nothing scarier than a woman with power).

The way I see it, then, is that in order to establish this close friendship that Wizards says Guinevere and Morgana have, a good chunk of Morgana's time must be spent around Guinevere. And for a Guinevere who, in my headcanon, married Arthur for strategic reasons? For a Guinevere who's got a crush on Morgana the size of Arthur's ego? Spending that much time with her is bound to cause some good old fashioned yearning.

And this is where we get into my headcanons for Guinevere. As I said above, the biggest challenge is how little information we have about Guinevere. She's fallen victim to the Disposable Woman trope, and while I don't inherently fault ToA for that (they have plenty of other very strong and developed ladies), it does leave her with very little character beyond "she was Arthur's wife," and "she was Morgana's best friend." (Short sidenote: I really appreciate the Crusading Widower page on TV Tropes's site, for pointing out that the crusading widower is often an anti-hero or even an anti-villain because I think that's absolutely right when it comes to Arthur).

Anyway, all this to say, since there's so little canon, it's basically a perfect sandbox for fanfic writers to come in and have the time of their lives lol, so this is what I have done!

I am a huge Arthuriana nerd (though I am hardly an expert by any means; I'm just a simple fan who enjoys the stories) so when I saw Wizards utilize wildly famous Arthurian characters, I rather lost my mind over the potential.

I have so many headcanons about how to merge ToA and a bunch of Arthuriana plot points/tropes/characterizations, but for the purposes of this, I will stick to Guinevere!

The main way I went about making headcanons for ToA's Guinevere, was to look at what legends I knew about her and see what could apply to the Wizards canon, without contradicting it, in order to fill in these huge gaps.

For example, we know absolutely nothing about where Guinevere came from, so I kept her father and her home city from legend. Since her mother is not even mentioned in the legends, I also translated that over to an absence of her mother in the story, while also giving her at least a mention, as I think she'd be important to Guinevere, even if she hadn't really gotten to meet her properly. I really wanted this story to highlight the responsibilities that Guinevere has within her roles as wife and medieval royal woman, and I think having her consider what her mother would have done in her shoes tied into that theme of Guinevere wondering "what kind of woman do I want to become?" as she grew up. This is also why Igraine is given a moment in the fic as well; Guinevere's relationships with the women around her is something which I think deserves attention, even in a fic where I'm mostly just trying to establish a general timeline and characterization for Guinevere as a whole.

The idea for Guin's mother to have fallen in battle, in fact, came from ToA establishing that some of the background Camelot knights are men, and some are women, and it's treated as perfectly normal, as far as I noticed. Claire has that one line about a "boy's club," but I do think that it's actually just that she couldn't compete because she wasn't registered as a knight. I might be wrong about that, but I really liked the idea of there being knights in Camelot who are women, and I wanted to keep that in the fic I was writing. Therefore, I think that Guinevere's mother was both a queen and a knight, or, at least, a skilled warrior. Similarly, I also think that Guinevere's father is most known for his relationship with the Pendragons in legend. This then translated to her father being the diplomat, to tie in with her mother being the fighter. I didn't dwell too much on that because, again, the fic was meant to focus on Guinevere, and it had already gotten longer than I'd meant for it to. But, I tried to give a hint at that in the way that Guinevere's father is the one who physically takes Guin's bow, and puts a crown in her hands instead. He's not saying she can't be a fighter, but he is emphasizing that she also needs to be ready to appear in other kingdoms in a formal setting. I like to think that Leodegrance would have wanted Guinevere to have both options, to be a bit more well-rounded than he or her mother were.

Brief addition before I move on to the next phase of the fic: I chose a bow because when the stalkling advances on her, she tries using a stick to fight it off, but shows a bit of an ineptitude at using a weapon like that. Since I didn't want that to turn into "she's a weak royal who couldn't fight at all," especially since it seems to me that most of the time, being royal in the Middle Ages also meant receiving fight training, I chose for her to be better at ranged weapons, like bows, crossbows, maybe even spear throwing.

At any rate, my headcanons from there were created in a similar fashion to the ones mentioned above; I used a mixture of ToA canon (ex: Arthur, Morgana, and Guinevere being shown as childhood friends; Morgana and Guinevere spending time in the woods) and Arthuriana (ex: pulling the sword in the stone, losing it, getting it reforged by Nimue; Leodegrance bringing the round table as Guinevere's dowry; Merlin being a royal advisor).

Now, since this isn't much of a Morgwen cut just yet (so sorry omg), I wanted to skip ahead to the Morgwen pining moments, to talk about them!

The juxtaposition between a burning candle flame representing her love for Morgana, and an uncomfortable midnight cuddle from Arthur (where she can't even bring herself to scratch her nose-- an irritant meant to heighten that feeling of discomfort) representing her relationship with him, is one of my favorite ways to examine the wild difference in how Guinevere sees both relationships. One is untouchable but beautiful, interesting. It burns, and it's bright, and getting too near it hurts too bad.

And then on the other hand, one is there always, it's inescapable, but mostly sweet, though it comes up short of providing comfort. It's not bad, and it's even gentle, and Arthur does love her, but she married him for diplomacy. She married him because it's expected, and it keeps her safe.

(Which, sidenote: I think some stories work well with period-accurate homophobia, and others do not. This is one I would not have put period-accurate homophobia in, as it's fantasy and legend, and I think it's more interesting if Guinevere can't pick Morgana not because of Morgana also being a woman, but because Guinevere is bound by her duties as a royal).

The last thing I wanna talk about is that I have considered writing another Morgwen fic, but I'm just not sure what kind of plot hook or idea I'd like to pursue. So, if there's interest, or any requests that someone might have for these two, please do feel free to ask away! I think their relationship is really interesting, and I'd be delighted to keep writing for them. Guinevere is a fascinating character in particular, and is one who I think, even in legend, sometimes gets boiled down a lot, so I wanna add some depth back into her character, and give her a chance to shine!

Thank you so much for asking, and if there's anything else you're curious about, don't hesitate to send it my way! Like I said, I am always happy to holler about Guinevere and Morgwen! <3

[weakforarwen]

Just finished season 4 and I have many thoughts but wow Gwen deserved better than to be banished with no help. BUT QUEEN GWEN is everything to me. Gwen and Arthur make me so happy. (Also Merlin should retire after the way he was treated this season lol, if that was me, I would've packed my bags and disappeared.) Your blog is great and I love your commentary I haven't been able to find this level of analysis and critique which I love.

Gwen for sure deserved better than what happened to her. Arthur should've done better by Gwen, of course, but, really, her brother and Merlin should've helped her too - they hadn't been "cheated on", after all. The writers really just wanted Gwen gone, characterization be damned. I mean, Merlin just watched Gwen leave without talking to her at all? Silent support? Is that all Gwen deserved? The writers really don't wanna give Gwen a voice sometimes... They also can't ever seem to remember that Gwen and Elyan are siblings.

I love Queen Gwen as well, but you won't like season 5. Gwen was, unfortunately, much better served as a servant. It's like the minute she became a Queen, the writers decided they were done with her character and her story was finished. Queen Guinevere doesn't feel like Guinevere at all :/

And, ditto, I'm so obsessed with Gwen and Arthur right now! I want to write about them, but I don't know the fandom. Is there anything left to say that hasn't been said already? I'm also scared to enter shipping discourse - I know most fans are Merthur shippers (and probably Lancelot/Gwen shippers as a consequence).

Merlin should've retired in episode 1, my god! It's not me that would die for anyone or make my entire world revolve around one man. That poor guy doesn't get paid enough for the shit he puts up with - he doesn't get paid at all, in fact, or even thanked 99% of the time!

Thank you so much for enjoying my blog! I write too much, don't I? I wanna do shorter reviews, but then I just can't stop writing. I'm really happy you enjoy my commentary! Your ask made my day :) If you have any suggestions or requests for my blog, let me know!

[min-sugar-7]

DAY 5: “Any other lies to tell me?” + Angst

Read it on AO3 Here!

Merlin slumped against his bed, covering his eyes and willing them not to spill. It felt stupid, really. But he was told for so long that Arthur is the other side to his coin, his other half, his soulmate. He should have known better than to think that destiny would ever favor him.

It probably would hurt less if Kilgharrah did not feed Merlin pointless lies. If he had clearly stated that there would be nothing romantic between them. Because Merlin went ahead and caught feelings, those pesky little things. At least he never got a chance to make a fool of himself.

What was he thinking? Golden Prince, Arthur Pendragon, falling for him? Of course, his true love was a 'she.' At least he never acted on his feelings. At least the only one that knows about them was himself. But it is fine. It’s not like he loves Arthur. He hates him half the time anyway.

A lie.

He is just a little bit heartbroken. Maybe a bit more than little. But he should have known better than to think that there could be anything between them. It is a miracle they are even friends, considering the number of lies Merlin has told him. 

That, sadly, did not mean that Merlin got over his feelings. It hurt, seeing Arthur with someone else, but at least it was Gwen. Sweet, kind, strong, and caring Gwen. He couldn’t have chosen anyone better. She’s the best in the world.

So Merlin made sure his two favorite people were happy, even if it meant that he would be pining from a distance. He is glad that Arthur’s happy and smiling, even if those were directed to someone else. It’s fine. Destiny was a stupid thing anyway. 

Well, it was fine right up until he was getting crushed under the weight of destiny. If one more person reminded him of his destiny, Merlin would scream. Merlin doubts if he can keep going, carrying the weight of the expectations of sorcerers alive and dead. Not to mention the fact that he’s considered some sort of leader to the magical community. Merlin was not trained for this, will never be trained for this, and cannot possibly live up to their expectations.

Everyone expects Emrys to be some sort of divine leader- fearless and ruthless, a guardian and protector of the magical community. Merlin isn’t Emrys. He doesn’t want to be Emrys. But every single Druid he meets bows and pays their respects and tells him how he’s such a great warlock. 

Merlin might as well scream. 

They treat him like a God, which is not as great as you would think. Merlin is the one to carry their dreams and expectations. Their hopes and dreams followed him around like dead weight, refusing to leave. He is required to fulfill it. It is either that or let every magical being suffer. 

And he is the only one to carry the burden of fate.

He doesn’t have anyone to share it with, not even Gaius. Gaius doesn’t get it either, and never will. He treats Merlin like a son, and for that, he is very grateful. Some days he is sure he would be dead in a ditch if it weren’t for Gaius. But with Gaius, it is a bit different. For him, having Merlin is like having a God for a son, which isn’t that far from the truth. He knows that Gaius worries for him and cares for him. But Gaius also has expectations for Merlin. Expectations he’s afraid he can’t fulfill.

With each passing day, the threat to Arthur’s life grows stronger and more dangerous. Merlin cannot keep up. 

Everyone who knows about Merlin’s magic also knows about his destiny. There are people that Merlin does not know that know about Merlin’s destiny. Merlin wants to yell that they are entrusting their freedom to the hands of the wrong person. That he is not the one they should be laying down their lives for. That there must be another sorcerer, one who deserves to be called Emrys. 

He feels laced with guilt and regret for the lives of Alator and Finna, along with every other sorcerer's life lost for a cause that is impossible to fulfill. They have laid it all down so Merlin could hear, in painful detail, just how his King is going to die. 

Merlin did scream then, in the relative privacy of the forest. Arthur’s going to die, and if Merlin doesn't prevent it, it is all on him. Arthur's death would be on him. It is going to be his fault that there will be no Albion. It is going to be his fault that magic will forever be lost to these lands. It is going to be his fault that Arthur's going to die, and he doesn't want that. He wants Arthur to live a happy and long life.

Somewhere along the line, 'Albion' sounded like 'Arthur.' If given a choice between the two, Merlin would no doubt chose Arthur. He would pick Arthur over and over again. Always Arthur. Because Arthur has become his priority, and he won't be able to live with himself if he let Arthur die. It will all be his fault.

It was his fault anyway. It was his fault Morgana turned. It was his fault that Mordred lived. It was his fault that he didn’t let Morgana die when he had the chance. It was his fault that while trying to show Arthur how good magic can be, he did the complete opposite. For Arthur, magic is something that took his mother, his father, his sister, and his wife. Merlin doubts that saving Gwen made Arthur’s opinion on magic any different. 

Everything he does, everything he tries, only brings him closer to the inevitable. Arthur is going into battle at dawn, and Merlin won’t even be there. 

Merlin promised Arthur that he would always protect him or die trying. A lie. He failed at both. Now Arthur’s saddled up with a piece of a sword forged in a dragon’s breath inside him, the very same dragon he should have looked after.

Aithusa, Light of the Sun, the very same dragon Kilgharrah said would bode well for Albion, for him and Arthur, and for the land they would build together. 

A lie.

It is the sword drenched in her breath that brought Arthur down. Merlin did not have the heart to blame her. Merlin was the one that abandoned her, sent her straight to Morgana. 

Gaius trusted him, told him that only he could save Arthur. Said that he would have a bowl of his favorite soup waiting for him, for when he would come back. He said that Arthur would be fine, that the Shide would heal him. 

Another lie.

Merlin clutched the wheezing body of his love tighter as if he could will him to stay. It is all his deepest nightmares playing out. Arthur- dying in his arms- practically resenting Merlin’s magic. For all his magic and he still could not save his love. 

Nothing, nothing ever could be worse than this.

Until it was. 

In any other situation, anything but this, Merlin would have cherished Arthur’s last words. He despised them. He despised his final words, the last whisper of something he has never said before. He despised the way they were told- as if a confession of his deepest darkest secret. 

But that is what they were. Arthur had a wife, a loving, doting wife, and yet- 

And yet, his last words to Merlin had been a choked whisper of, “I love you.”

Merlin has dreamt of those words, thought about every single way Arthur would tell him. Never like this, though. But those were just that- dreams and fantasies. But Destiny was never easy, was it?

Was it all a lie? Could, heaven forbid, Arthur really love him? Or was it just words spoken out of desperation, just another lie?

Just like how his destiny was a lie? Like how Albion was a lie? Like how the Kingdom they were supposed to build, together, was a lie? 

Like how everything Kilgharrah said was a lie. Like how his hopes and dreams were lies. Like how every Druid lied. Like how everything was a lie, a half-baked truth, a stupid fantasy. 

“There is nothing you can do, Merlin, for all that you have dreamt has come to pass,” Kilgharrah said.

 Lies.

He had failed. He’d failed Arthur. He’d failed Morgana. He’d failed Gwen. He'd failed Gaius. He’d failed Mordred, Isidir, and Freya. He’d failed Finna, Alator, and Gili. He’d failed Daegel, Balinor, and Hunith. He’d failed all the sorcerers that died during and after the Purge. He’d failed all the sorcerers living in fear. He’d failed all that sorcerers that are yet to be born.

Merlin stayed long after he sent Arthur away, no doubt his bowl of soup growing cold. He learned that Gwaine, too, had passed in a last attempt to run Morgana through. It was not supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be the three of them, Courage, Strength, and Magic, standing side-by-side, ready to face whatever destiny throws at them.

Another Lie.

He made it as far as Camelot’s gates, listening to the echoes of “Long Live the Queen,” before deciding that Camelot would prosper under Gwen’s rule. He could never, ever face her again. Not after his failure, not after the lies. Not after being the keeper of his King’s last words, which no doubt should have belonged to Gwen. 

He only scried for Gaius when he felt the old man’s life slipping away. Gaius saw him and heard him, telling him that they missed him there. No doubt another lie. Merlin watched as the light behind Gaius’s eyes dimmed, saying one last goodbye to the closest thing he had to a father. 

Soon it was Kilgharrah, and then Geoffrey, then Gwen, then Leon, then Percival, then Audrey, Queen Annis, Queen Mithian, Queen Vivian, Queen Elena, Isidir, Gili, Sefa… 

He should have guessed that he would be punished in some way. The Gods made him immortal, forever waiting for Arthur to return. Forever waiting near the lake, never allowed to be away from Albion for long. 

Excalibur might have been his only way out, but he had disposed of it into the lake soon after Arthur died. Again, that could have been a lie too. 

The world changed. Green and magic got replaced by iron and steel. Aithusa passed peacefully in her sleep, never once forgiving Merlin for slaying Morgana. Magic slipped away from the land slowly, until the last tendril of magic died along with the last wizard, leaving Merlin to be the only source of magic left.

All of it seeped deep into the Earth’s core, locked away and to never be accessed, leaving the Earth barren. 

Wars broke out, along with famine, storms and disasters, and death. The Lake of Avalon remained still and timeless, forever preserved by the Gods, like Merlin. 

Merlin looked up at the sky, where he believed the Gods to be, long forgotten like the legend of his love and his legacy. The Gods were never merciful. They had disappeared too, the last of them forgotten like Merlin. But Merlin was forced to keep living, forever traveling the Earth, never straying too far from the lake. 

“Any other lies left to tell me?” Merlin said, resigned and pitiful, as he felt the world falling apart around him. Arthur never once returned, dooming Merlin to watch as humans ripped apart from each other, unable to help. They tear themselves apart, rebuilding and rehabilitating soon after. They, too, had been cursed to keep going, destroying and restoring. And for all Merlin knew, that also could have been a lie.

[agent-jones]

20!

20. give me a hot take on anything you like!

oh boy here we go. this is something i generally don’t talk about much because i know it’s a rather unpopular opinion.

but, i do not ship tosh/owen. in any way, really.

there are several reasons for this, so this may get a bit lengthy.

first, tosh deserves better. don’t get me wrong, i love owen. however, he was such a DICK to her for most of the series, he said some pretty cruel things to her [ specifically i’m thinking about the thing in countrycide about how ‘ i wouldn’t ask you. ‘ ] and honestly, she deserves better than to pine after a guy who was never good to her. so much emphasis was put on her love life, which i hate, and they never gave her someone who actually treated her the way a queen like toshiko sato should be treated [ tommy was the closest and then they killed him so ok writers ]

second, tosh is nowhere near owen’s type nor what he needs in a partner. when it comes to owen, he needs someone who can keep up with him; but, he also needs someone who will keep him in check and not take his shit. there isn’t really a point where tosh puts her foot down on the way he treated her, even in dead man walking it took outside forces for owen to realise he had been a dick and apologise to her. someone like diane or even gwen [ under different circumstances ] is the type of woman owen needs. 

i know that a lot of people take how soft owen becomes for tosh as a sign that he had feelings for her, but personally i don’t see it that way. he loves her, i think probably the only person he would use the word ‘ love ‘ towards; but, he’s not IN LOVE with her. there’s a difference and an important difference when it comes to relationships. i don’t think it ever would have gotten to the point of him falling head-over-heels in love with her had they gotten together and i think a relationship between them would have ended no matter what.

also there is no chemistry there. i’m sorry i just don’t feel it in the way that you can feel it between owen and diane/gwen or even with tosh and tommy [ or mary had she not been manipulating tosh the whole time ]. it’s just not there.

from a writing standpoint, i don’t ship it because it feels like the writers didn’t know what to do with them and just kind of threw them together. gwen had rhys, jack and ianto had each other, and then there were tosh and owen. they knew neither were going to make it past the season finale so why not make it a romeo and juliet thing? that’s what they were going for, but it feels like they only did it because they knew they wouldn’t have to follow through with a relationship later on. it just felt like ‘ well we have these two left, why not stick them together. ‘

anyway, no i don’t ship tosh and owen. there were better fitted people out there for both of them, their relationships didn’t need to stay within torchwood [ and it could have been interesting for one of them to find that after the conversation they had where owen says ‘ look around you tosh, only we know what we do ‘ ]

[gwemrys]

For what it's worth, I don't think the anon wanted to criticise your take on arthur but rather the fact that it's generally looked down upon to make fun of people's appearance. Arthur is a fictional character - the person who plays him is not. An insult on a fictional character's physical appearance is an insult to a real life person. There has been so much wrong done by the fandom to Angel Coulby and Colin Morgan already it's disheartening to see it happen to other actors too, and it's not as if Bradley hasn't gotten any criticism about his appearance either during the 12 years since merlin aired. I just don't think that dragging actors into fandom discussion is the right way to go.

I'm sorry if this was lengthy!

lol but to compare the fandoms disgusting behaviour toward angel to a couple handful of ppl not drooling over brzdleys appearance is kinda dumb since the first is about literal racism at its finest like ppl were writing actual articles about how gwen was ugly and didnt deserve to be queen and targeting angel personally abt how she shouldnt have gotten the role.. as for bradley, for every 1 person who has called him ugly somewhere on their irrelevant account on an irrelevant platform theres been like a billion ppl doing the opposite....

i get where ur coming from im not angry at u or anything plus (maybe surprisingly) im also generally against commenting unfavourably on anyones appearance....but also even IF bradley would somehow be aware of my silly 5 note posts on his looks and in any way gave a shit abt what some lesbian on tumblr says...... hes an asshole for Reasons soyeah. i dont care enough to go on rants abt actors being #problematic or whatever the fuck but also not gonna treat his character whom i dislike very much with velvet gloves just bc any mention of actors at all is too much like ‘dragging them into it’......