#also . mental illness can very much be what shapes a character

[the-lonelyshepherd]

”they’re reducing lottie to her mental illness” well no . well no

[zorosnavigator]

Timebomb fics rec

A lot of timebomb fics are hiding through a lot of CaitVi/JayVik tagged works on ao3 (while many are also CV orJV centric) so i made this rec post for everyone who dont want to spent 1 hour scrolling or missing some of them bc you're filtering other ships!! (sorry for the short summaries/ i didnt write my thoughts as thoughtfully as i would have liked because.yk.time and all. update chapter count/add of new fics every week)

AU/crossovers fics

Je t'aime (Je t'attends) 3 chapter, WIP.

Hunger games x Timebomb/Arcane, the way the system of the games from the og novels are mixed in the Arcane universe is really masterful, the writer dont lose too much time explaining it but you understand the dynamics of the 2 cities and the characters perfectly anyway.

Where would you be now ? by enaven 5/6 chapters, WIP.

family/modern AU, timebomb feels, Ekko and Jinx are Isha's parents, CaitVi are just silly aunts and i'll never stop recommending this fic

you're the best thing to ever happen to me (but also the worst thing to ever happen to me) by grey_toiletpaper ( @greytoiletpaper ) 3/8 chapters, WIP. Rated T.

Timebomb inspired by 10 things i hate about you.

We Moved Into a Real House (a Wild Field Behind it) by smokesatellite 3/10 chapters. WIP. Rated T.

Modern AU, Timebomb roommates/friends to lovers, Isha is a foster kid...you know where this is going .. (Ekko as a nurse is not something i expected but its surprisingly good. Also the in law feud between Jinx and Cait is very funny)

s1 fics

Silco is less of an asshole

The Heart of Zaun by 1ts_Br1tney_B1tch 8/ chapters. WIP.

or: Silco try to rally the Firelights to his cause (in this case, Zaun - he's much more involved in doing better for his city than in the show) but of course they're bound to have some..tension between them, since they hate him - and Shimmer. (it has the good parent Silco tag so i'd say that all in all, this Silco is a little less...Silco than in Arcane, but manage to keep some of the bite he has in canon...) i only read 2 chapters, and what i can say is that it does a good job with the general cast, the interactions between Silco/Ekko-Firelights are believable, i think the one thing that could have weird me out is the way Silco is said to be 'proud' of the Firelights in the summary (for me 'pride' is something he'd reserve for Jinx yk?? anyway i stop the rambling) . The Timebomb relationship has more or less the same push and pull as in the show, with Ekko thinking about the girl Jinx used to be/ Ekko being a link to the past before Jinx and all that entail...so yeah, i'm loving it!

Powder doesnt become Jinx

The Alpha Command by typewriter_in_galaxy 13 chapters. WIP. Rated E.

ABO/Reverse AU where Powder doesnt become Jinx and is raised by Viktor, Ekko is taken in by Silco. btw i dont read a lot of abo fic (im very nickpick) but this one does every characters justice, and actually dwelve in depth in the abo universe.. (everything by typewriter is good to be honest, but my favorite thing is how they write Powder, who even when she doesnt become Jinx, is still shaped by a very violent world/trauma and it shows through her mental health issues and very, very low self worth/need to prove herself. )

everything's better with a friend by typerwriter_in_galaxy 7chapters. Completed. Rated E.

Timebomb centric rewrite of Arcane, Jinx is Powder, she doesnt fall under Silco's hand (or in his arms precisely), Ekko is Ekko, and 1, i need to hug Powder, 2 she deserves the world and 3 the characterization of everyone, everyone is so brillantly written and the timebomb relationship (damn even the CaitVi one too) oh, the timebomb of it all... they feel so, so real and it hurts, Powder's insecurities, her mental illness, her guilt, her need to prove herself but in same time she doesnt feel herself worth of anything (or anyone) good... just.read it. read it, because i just did, after like 2 years of not doing that and. im like mad bc why didnt i??? but in same time so grateful to just discover it now, taking my sweet little time reading it; it rewinded my brain its amazing, (like this work in another fandom, the first time i read this rebelcaptain's fic A Love song by skitzofreak - did i just linked it for you to read even tho its a timebomb rec post??? yes. yes i did. thats how much i love, adore, worship this one guys - so everything's better made me think a lot of this TB fic, and also of RC (the abandonment issues, thinking that you have to leave first before everyone leave you, Jyn and Powder damn).

Shattered Web by Firewolf2132 1 chapter. WIP. Rated M.

you know how everyone make the comparaison between Ekko and Miles?? well, the author found a way for Ekko transform into a spiderman that feels right in the arcane verse (end of act1) and damn its so good. Ekko slowly morphing and gaining his powers while everyone still have some focus on them (mostly Powder), but it still manages to keep the suspense of the fate of other characters. fabulous. author note: [I have seen so many comparisons between Ekko and Miles and a lot of fanart. So it felt that I had to do this. I can't promise future chapters right now (busy), but I am eager to see if this inspires any stories with a similar premise.]

S2 fanfics

fics covering Timebomb moments between ep 8 Ekko saving her /they painted each other and ep9

Go Back For Her by A_Lily_In_The_Moonlight 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated E.

Ekko's pov -i only read 1 chapter - we see his thought's process on his relationship with Powder AU/ Jinx, and how he came to the conclusion he must go back to her. the moment where he help Jinx with his Z-drive comes a little differently than in ep8 (well, the aftermath) aaand another fic where Jinx's grief over Isha's death shatters me, the pain and the self loathing/blaming from Jinx really devastating.

I dont believe in God, but i believe you're my savior by mquesterminds One shot. Rated T

[summary: every time Ekko has to rewind time to stop Jinx it cuts to a different moment from throughout their love story because I'm allergic to happiness the moments covering their shared past really make their present 10 times sadder.]

I'm sure we're taller in another dimension by hallwayheart One shot. Rated M. i have nothing to say because i'm still processing what i just read.ty.

Fires That Were Set by ilophilia ( @ilophilia on tumblr) 1 chapter. WIP.

the conversation after Ekko helped Jinx in episode 8. Loved the banter, the emotions (the grief is there and its important to feel it but damn i want to hug them so bad). They tell each other what happened when Ekko was gone, and you feel the distance/the closeness, near intimacy building again and its beautiful..

Hope is a winged beast by Grey_ Unicorn 4 chapters. WIP. Rated E.

prepare you tissues because i was myself not ready for chapter 3 and the emotional wreck of Jinx processing her grief. but here we are.

fics from AU Powder pov/exchange between Jinx and AU Powder

what we left behind by re_dragon_rising 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated T.

Powder traverses to the og arcane universe 1 year after Ekko's visit. (the insight into her life after Ekko leaves is wholesome and also give the reader a glimpse of the Mylo/Claggor/Powder siblings dynamics + the impact of Vi's death on them. really great. a little sad too.)

The other Ekko by GrammarThyEnemy Oneshot. General audience.

Powder knows this Ekko is not her Ekko.

memento vivere by fuwaaa 1/2. WIP. General audience.

covering the AU episode, Powder knows something's up with Ekko.

See Ya On The Other Side by moth_dust 3/5 chapters, WIP. Rated T.

Powder also travel to the og universe.

these forgotten faces by whippindippin ( @whippindippin on tumblr too!) 6 chapters, WIP. Rated T.

Jinx and Powder body swap and its both the worst and best thing that could ever happen to either of them. great reading and their reaction on point.

Isha is alive

Astrantia by AelinCreativ ( @aelincreativ they're on tumblr too!) 5 chapters, WIP. Rated T.

canon divergence where Ekko saves Isha. a lot of angst. but also a lot of happiness. so we can cry while smiling along with them. great. ty author!!

Ankle-Biter by darkfire1220 8/9 chapters, WIP. Rated M.

Isha is Jinx's biological daughter, Silco is a not so bad (grand) father, and their mother/daughter bond is one a the greatest thing ever. (very slowburn timebomb). Also Vi. i love you Vi.

post s2

we made our peace with weariness (and let it be) by The_FlamingTiger 3/3 chapters. Completed. Rated M.

Ekko and Jinx reconnect in Bilgewater..(and Jinx goes to therapy. that too. its nice)

I don't believe in God (But I believe that you're my savior) by yeonatsu Oneshot, general audience.

Ekko is mourning.

this hunger for love won’t disappear by Amuria Oneshot, rated T.

Months after the battle for Piltover, Ekko begins to dream of Powder. He thinks it’s his grief playing tricks on him. She has different theory.

Francesca (Do You Think I'd Give Up?) by PoetProlific 2 chapters. WIP.

Ekko tries searching for Jinx...(with the help of Caitlyn, yep. and its well done, because I think Cait would help, for Vi. And i love how Ekko-Cait's dynamics might evolve because of this..)

So I met him there and told him I believe by ijustwanttoreadinpeace 3 chapters, WIP. Rated T.

Jinx begins a new life in Bilgewater but is forced to come back... (edit: be warned, this is now an orphan account so idk if there will be more chapters.)

all the 6 timebomb one shot by atabex (the other fics are not timebomb) they're all rated E and oh boy is it worth it. most of these oneshot are gut wrenching and do smut + characters so well... the most recent one is just Ekko and AU Powder ahem doing the boombayah on the rooftop, but yk, with bits of sad and tragedy here and there.

i'm a little ashamed i'm only adding it now but every TB os fics by @shroomystar is 🤌 nothing else to add because each one of them are good. so. (if you want the explicit one-shots it's here and if you prefer without, it's here )

[rosenkranz-isnt-dead]

rewatched The Field Where I Died and got so enraged that I went to search for some scalding reviews of it. this is one of the things that bothered me about the episode (Mulder telling Skinner that Melissa has multiple personality disorder)

like the reviewer says, this is against everything we know about Mulder, who is always committed to telling the truth, no matter how ridiculous it might sound. even for a show with such inconsistent writing, this episode feels very out of character. (I'll put the rest under the cut because it's getting long)

the response to the episode's not-so-great reception seemed to be "oh the shippers don't understand anything":

this isn't what makes me personally dislike the episode so much, but let's unpack that. Scully's role in the episode is far from "substantial": she makes a few skeptical remarks, but mostly she's there to be pretty and stand quietly next to Mulder. and knowing that they cut the part that justified Scully's viewpoint doesn't make me feel any better. this episode is Mulder and Melissa centric -- but no, not even that. this episode is Glen Morgan and Kristen Cloke centric, so it wasn't even written with Mulder in mind. this is basically Morgan's self insert fanfiction. it's nice that Morgan believes in soulmates, but imo he didn't do a very convincing job selling the idea. shipping aside, the x files' writers had very strange arguments for why Mulder and Scully couldn't be together. Chris Carter seemed to think that being friends and lovers at the same time is impossible, or that there can be no hanky panky between colleagues. or maybe he just didn't want to let go of his initial idea of Mulder and Scully as this buddy cop duo, so when he was backed into the corner and forced to make them a couple, he made sure they were as miserable as possible, and divorced them when the show got brought back. in The Field Where I Died, Glenn Morgan projects his ideas of soulmates onto Mulder and Melissa, and Scully is... also there, as Mulder's father. a win for feminism: a woman can be your dad too, I suppose. both writers seems to agree on one thing: friendship/partnership and romance are two separate entities. this is a very boring way to view love, but I'm no expert.

that is not to say the episode is a lost cause: Rob Bowman did an excellent job directing it, it's truly one of the most gorgeous episodes in the series. past lives as a concept is also fascinating to me, I'm just not a fan of how the idea was executed here. the notion that you can love someone just because you were together in a past life is ridiculous to me: so much of you is shaped by your experiences, your environment, your family and friends. in your past life your experiences were completely different, you're not that person anymore.

and then there's this:

Mulder never raises his voice at Scully. he can be an asshole sometimes, sure, but not to the point of screaming at her because she... what? says that it's wrong to disturb this mentally ill woman even more? episodes that treat Scully as a secondary character are my least favorite, and when she gets ridiculed by Mulder and by the narrative for doing her job... well, that's not as progressive as the show wants to appear. In another Morgan & Wong episode, Never Again, Scully is given more agency, and yet gets punished by the narrative for experiencing desire, which, I'm sorry to say, doesn't make me want to sing praises to this duo like the rest of the fandom.

in short: 12/10 visuals, 5/10 story.

[slasherflicks999]

new oc/sona yaaaaaay!

oh how i wish i had all those piercings (bridge come back to me💔)

can we guess where his name came from gang (suspiciously username shaped name)

i actually really enjoy his character design and i literally color picked his color pallet from a diagram(?) that shows how a bruise heals and it worked out LMAOO sooo new character design life hack

more info and lots of general yapping about him after the break if you care to read :3 and i yap a LOT i have lots to say about him bc its been a while since i genuinely developed an oc LMAO

cw for LOTS and LOTS of talk of death if you do decide to read! just in case :3

first of all you may be thinking “5’6? short king!” and i will have you know i actually made him taller than i am irl by a few inches LMAOOO whoops t boy swag will do that to ya

anyways the thing about his color pallet being based off of that of a literal bruise IS actually relevant because he is literally immortal and is CONSTANTLY getting injured like all the time. i think conveying info about characters via their color pallets is fun and i wanna do more of it so hehe. plus green and red and purple are a nice combo and it worked out very well :3 also another little note about his design: he’s a very creative and artistic person and i wanted to show that through his clothes being somehow modified and i think i did that well too. trying to properly get back into making actually decent and thoughtful character designs so im proud of myself :3

that being said his immortality causes him a SHIT load of problems. i feel like being immortal would really suck LMAO but more-so i feel like i dont see people do much with the idea of immortality in terms of horror or at least not from what i’ve seen. like im still figuring out his lore but the basics are: he has no clue who his dad is and found out he was immortal at a somewhat young age but literally his entire life he’s been viewed as just kind of off?? like he looks human and for the most part acts it but he just has certain traits that humans…. do not have. his eyes glow in pics like a nocturnal animal’s would and his teeth are suspiciously sharp and he gets weird cravings for raw meat which he can somehow digest perfectly fine with absolutely no issue but he’s not like OVERTLY some otherworldly creature he’s just a little weird. a tad strange even. possibly even kind of unsettling depending on who you ask.

and i like to imagine these are a lot of things that were present in his childhood too, like his mother would wake up to the sound of rummaging in the kitchen and find him at the ripe old age of five just gnawing at a whole raw steak in the dark. he’s just sort of always been like that and didn’t realize it was weird until he was older. (is a lot of this used as metaphors for undiagnosed neurodiversity/mental illness? …..iii dont knowwww :3 (yes) (although not every aspect of him is a total reflection of myself, he is still his own character in many respects lolol))

but in general this ends up causing him all sorts of issues in all sorts of millions of ways. for one he has sort of a fragile sense of self because he doesn’t even know what he is?? he knows he can’t just be a regular old human because of all the previously mentioned reasons and a few more, but that aside he has no idea what he is. he also doesn’t know pretty much anything about how his immortality works beyond what he’s experienced and what the others have told him during the times when he’s “dead,” he has no idea how his aging is affected by it because he seems to be aging relatively normally so far, he has no clue if he will EVER die for good/if there’s any way to kill him, he has no idea how his body seems to heal the most insane fatal injuries as if nothing happened, and much more quickly than a normal human would, he kinda doesn’t know jack shit about himself and it pisses him off a little bit!

it also has just caused him lots of trauma as you can probably imagine. lots of dissociation everywhere he looks

moving on to how his immortality actually works: like i said there’s only so much he knows about it but this is all the info he knows so far. he CAN “die” but all of his deaths are temporary. that is to say that his body will eventually heal and regenerate itself and he will come back. it’s not like deadpool where he can get stabbed in the head and go about the rest of his day like nothing happened, he might be able to keep himself up for a while to fight back or run away but it wont be long before he drops dead for a few days or so. during said time his body outwardly does seem very dead. he’s unresponsive and still and isn’t blinking or nothing and his pupils are blown (which he already has huge pupils but yk), like if you were to just show him to someone they’d be like “yeah that’s absolutely a corpse and also why would you show this to me.” but his body is still alive in a sense, it’s just sort of… yknow when you put a computer into sleep mode?? upon first glance it’s gonna look like it’s off but inwardly things are still going on. his body is still working to regenerate itself the whole time, even if whatever he sustained that “killed” him would very much not be healable or survivable by any normal person. in his POV, he just sort of gets knocked out for a while and then wakes up exhausted and sore and absolutely FAMISHED. like he could easily eat a horse without any exaggeration the boy can eat.

he’s also always been interested in horror and the supernatural and crime and shit and is largely desensitized to that sort of stuff from that + experiencing a lot of different deaths himself bc of the whole immortality thing paired with him being generally reckless when he was younger because what’s it gonna do? kill him? (“what’re you gonna do, jeff the kill me?” -him at jeff moments before being stabbed, probably) he says he doesn’t care but it actually effects him deeply in ways he doesn’t understand for a while. as he gets older he becomes less reckless and doesn’t throw himself into dangerous situations as often.

all that being said he’s not necessarily all that dangerous himself?? he carries his dagger around with him for protection or cutting up meat and apples or woodcarving more than anything and as a proxy he works a lot more as just an… observer. despite his name he’s not really all for the killing people stuff if he can help it unlike many of the others, if anything his name more so refers to the fact that HE’S usually the one getting slashed up. (it’s actually just bc of my username but shhhhhh) but generally he much prefers to be in the background keeping watch or scoping things out or just sort of… stalking people basically. dont ask me how he manages to be stealthy in THAT outfit… he manages somehow i swear 😔

but yknow overall he’s not an incredible threat to most people, the “creepy” part of him being a creepypasta comes a lot more just from how much it would suck to be in his shoes as just a guy who happens to be immortal but still able to experience the pain of death over and over again. he isn’t the creepy thing as much as his entire life experience is LOL. usually he’s just unsettling and disturbing at most.

he also has a VERY complex relationship with BEN in my AU specifically (WHICH RANDOM DISCLAIMER TIME: NOT THE LITTLE 12 YEAR OLD VERSION NOOOOO EW my au’s BEN is like a combo of “fanon” him and behavioral event network he is not 12 years old and i dont want him being shipped with anything NEAR that version of him, ONLY my AU’s version who is 19. im not a freak. 💔 they’re not a couple anyway (BEN🤝slasher -> being aro) but i did wanna preface that just in case bc im not trying to get misinterpreted like that) might write more about that sometime… bc their relationship has a lot of symbolism and complexity bc BEN is my fav character ever period and yes i am gonna write him and my self insert oc as being incredibly deeply intertwined bc i love him and cringe culture can kick rocks and therapy is difficult to get :3 oc x canon shippers platonic or romantic yall will always be safe on my blog frfr

im gonna post more about BEN soon too…. literally working on actually making a proper design for him rn which is mostly just difficult bc i cannot for the life of me think of what to give this freak to wear. i need them to serve cunt but like….. how do i do that 💔💔 that one BEN design i reblogged that gave him the adorable little heels….. absolutely genius………. u know who u are :3

more random rapid fire fun facts about him bc why not: he loves piercings and tattoos and body mods bc they heal so easily for him, he has his tongue split! (NEEEED to do one day actually my dream body mod), his immortality doesn’t seem to effect his ability to get sick which he HATES but when he does get sick it only lasts for a day or so and he’s a total drama queen the whole time, he loves to sew (though only by hand, he’s genuinely afraid of sewing machines) and will patch up or modify clothes for his friends or other proxies if they ask, his favorite kind of raw meat is boar, and his favorite cooked meat is a tie between pork (boar or domestic pig) and chicken, he wears his headphones most of the time bc he loves music and sounds can sometimes overstimulate him, and BEN can talk to him through them because of course he can, he loves animals and actually has way more empathy for them than for humans, and he absolutely LOVES medical dramas and does not care that a lot of the actual medical parts are inaccurate he will eat them up. he WILL be caught staying up until 6am watching chicago med and he will not apologize.

ANYWAY i think that’s about it actually. if anyone actually read all my ramblings…. i love u /p u mean very much to me /p

i WILL be yapping more soon (except probably about the actual “canon” pastas hehe) :3

[candychocolate]

i think the thing that makes people mischaracterize and completely miss the point of chara is that theyre written to be two very different things concurrently that dont really mesh together.

from what we know concretely about chara as a character, they were a very mentally ill child and complicated person who simultaneously hurt and helped people around them, who held both a lot of love and hate in their heart. they are fairly vague but also have specific character traits such as liking chocolate and filling up water glasses to the brim to maximize efficiency. they take speaking patterns from toriel and an interest in gardening from asgore. if you believe in the narrachara theory, they even have a character arc that changes depending on the route you take. they are inarguably a character who haunts the narrative due to their decisions in life having lead to tragedy that shapes the very plot of the game inextricably; and arguably a character that haunts the narrative and shapes the story much more literally in being a conscious force and companion that accompanies our journey.

at the same time, chara isnt treated as a character at all and is instead a meta-narrative device meant to act as an in-universe player stand-in. in this way chara isnt actually a person with character traits, but a vehicle for toby to provide commentary about the people who play video games. they are a concept that represents the state of thoughtless exp grinding. in the no mercy route their main purpose is to be a reflection of you and your mindset, even more directly than flowey. the reason theyre named after you is because, for a number of aspects in the game, they are supposed to be you; with no notable separation like there is with frisk.

this problem also heavily applies to frisk, for who there is an effort to separate their identity from yours at the end of the pacifist route but who still ends up with no real character traits of their own. people compensate for this by using black-and-white thinking; which results both in assigning frisk and chara a sort of "good-and-evil" dichotomy leading to their early fan interpretations, and in thinking that frisk and chara can only be either fully fleshed out characters or mindless player inserts leading to people favouring option one and basically ignoring the player as a concept except to occasionally use it as a generic big bad.

i think toby prioritized meta-textual implications over actual textual characterization for the human characters in undertale. this left chara as a character feeling unclear, unfocused, and incongruent due to them trying to be several things at once with no real through-line; and frisk as a character feeling practically non-existent outside of being a vessel. there are effectively two different charas in undertale, the character and the plot device, which makes it hard to talk about them as one consistent whole. i think this is why in tobys second game hes been putting such a focus on kris as a character and their separation from the player, as to improve on what he didnt properly touch on in undertale.

[blood-starved-beast]

Something that is lost in all the discourse around Arcane s2 Jinx, her relationships, with Caitlyn and such is that - Jinx has a very particular relationship with violence. And that sometimes manifests itself in sadism.

Part of it I think, is cause in s2 we don't see it as much, or rather, she is getting the reckoning there for all the points of violence she enacted in s1 and anything she tries in s2 she immediately gets the consequence for it. Thinking her breaking into Vi's apartment in s2ep5 - break-in aside, the weird inappropriate way she blows in her ear, and then gets into her stuff and paints her face in a presumed mockery of Vi's tattoo - and she immediately gets pinned by Vi who responds like a caged injured animal (which hey she is in this case) and choked. But it's a sister-ly thing! one can argue but - is it? Do Vi and Jinx up to this point have that rapport that Vi can reasonably overlook that? That is no, cause since their reunion Jinx has made an effort to either hurt or terrorize Vi (and Caitlyn by extension). Jinx is not in a place to do so, to be like an annoying little sibling, cause she threw that out long ago. It's not until later, that Vi sees Jinx has changed (and part of that is due to Isha's help) but again Jinx had to change. Jinx was not just some innocent victim. Yes she was victimized, yes she's mentally ill and part of the fear of her comes from that. But also Jinx is sadistic and the way she engages with people since s1 act 2 reflects that.

Some examples:

-Killing the Firelights including and especially that one girl who looked like Vi. Why shoot her? Cause she upset her cause she happened to look like Vi? The earlier killing were moments of failings emotional control/mental instability and can be excused but this? Man. -The killing of the enforcers in s1ep4 - yes they are cops and who cares but the manner in which she does it speaks to Jinx and her character here. She doesn't have to be sadistic about it in the way that she was. -the way she engages with Thieram/Chuck and how he is clearly terrified of her. She has a reputation and then tricks him with a bomb which the poor schmuck thought was legit (until it wasn't). -Tying up Sevika for her words about Vi replacing her and such. Not even just the fact that it's cruel, she does it in a humiliating manner. -Kidnapping Caitlyn while she's naked and vulnerable, and deliberately building that up with the monkey shape. She knew what she was doing, and it was deliberate (yes Jinx's demons have made her into a bogeyman but it doesn't change the way in which Jinx engages with that bogeyman). Compare it to Silco's kidnapping, or even Vi's. Jinx's method here is deliberate. -Dinner scene - the fake out beheading scene with Vi and the Cupcake. -the Ultimatum with Vi - she tells Vi she can only have one thing or the other. She does not grant Vi the agency to choose and and tries to manhandle her. -After losing Silco, she reacts by shooting the Council. Not because she's some great hero who wants to make a Statement. She does it out of a lack of emotional control, and that (unintentionally) leads to Ambessa having an "in" into P/Z. She creates the Monster that is s2act1!Caitlyn. -Heenot being hung upside down and the dolls hanging from the ceiling and the dead dolls of the Striketeam which are gory as is.

What do I mean by this? I'm not saying it to mean that Jinx is meant to be evil or just ~ crazy ~ and should be hated. But I've seen a lot of people after s2 jump to say she's a perfect hero who has done everything right, who hate her choice to break the cycle. Cause it's not just about the things she's done to the Council/Piltover! She has to break the cycle in all the things she's done. Jinx has a reputation in Zaun as is in Piltover and those actions she's taken for forever will continue to isolate her even as she's changed or when ppl try to rebuild her in a way she isn't - the hero archetype. She has to run away.

And this is why too, she is a great foil to Caitlyn! And why Caitlyn always speaks in "we" when it comes to their mistakes. Caitlyn in s2 becomes the mirror to Jinx in that they both embody different forms of violence in s2 - Caitlyn's organized violence vs Jinx's chaos. Both harm a lot of innocents in the process. They cannot erase their mistakes, but they can break the cycle and move on.

Anyways this is to say, Jinx is a very complex character. She has many facets to her, the alleged hero she denies the role of (cause she doesn't care, doesn't care about community as a whole like that it takes her Isha, losing Silco the way she did even Vi for a bit, and s2act2 to treat see humans as people and not dolls she plays with), the scared and hurt child, the part of her that struggles with her mental illness, the part that loves her family, loves Ekko. But it does not erase those worse off parts of her. And ignoring that side of her ignores the choices the writers make in the story. Why she decides to run away when Ekko shows her that she doesn't have to end it all. It's part of why timebomb and the sisters are doomed.

[myownperception83]

Also really not digging how they're trying to go back in their decision of making Lottie a villain.

You have established her in a certain way, being empathic but clumsy and way too direct with clipping words. You have shown her having psychotic episodes and genuinely believing in It. You can't just change your mind again.

But also, she's the first one to suggest to eat her in case she dies back in S2. She's the one who listens everybody out to make sure no one gets left behind.

She reassures Travis when Javi's missing. She always protects Nat in any way she can and is very worried about the group as a whole.

She has always defended It, but she doesn't regard it as evil. It's just hungry and constantly with them.

She tells that numerous times (just because you don't understand it, it doesn't mean it's evil), which also leaves me perplexed to why the writers decided to let Shauna have this much power.

You have this complex net of social relationships, forced hands, manipulation, betrayals and secrets kept and then one character sweeps in and commands everybody based on what? Fear?

Shauna didn't even have the crossbow nor the gun with her during the hunt.

Anyway, to me, it makes no sense to characterize Lottie as this evil entity who enjoys the hunts (remember the "I never wanted any of this"), who likes the thrill of them, who believes Callie is just like her mother based on seeing her once at the compound and then again. (Mind you, I don't like the adult timeline, but it's to show).

Even when she's in the worst of her psycotic episodes, Lottie always has a motivation for what she does, and it comes from her heart. The frogger would have ruined everything, and I had already made a post about Doomcoming.

And this also reminds me of how they treated Jinx from Arcane.

Instead of recognizing the deep trauma and a series of doomed circumstances that shaped the narrative, Jinx and Lottie, both with a mental illness are the only villain (despite being in a system where all the characters have made bad decisions that resulted in horrible consequences).

It's all their fault, they can't escape their destiny or their illness because at the end of the day, that is all they are. They can only disappear through sacrifice quietly in a corner (Jinx in the finale and Lottie down a basement stair) and they don't deserve a happy ending.

Or even Daenerys Targaryen who proves time and time again that she's not like her father only to have her burn a city full of innocent people in the span of two episodes to mirror that she's jUsT LiKe HeR FaThEr and she can't escape her blood.

What in the 1850s is this? Zola? Balzac?

I'm getting tired of writers creating characters with mental illnesses, making them deeply complex, interesting, and human only for them to become scapegoats and villains with no redeeming qualities.

[goodlucktai]

Now that 2024 is coming to a close:

1) Of everything you've made this year, which ones are you the most proud of?

2) What are a few of your favorite things (art, comics, fics, etc) that someone else has made this past year?

thank you so much for the ask ! i'm going to do my best, but i just know i'm going to leave something out and kick myself for it later

regarding my own stories from this year, i would say the archer au raised on little light and my rise movie remix now the darkness comes alive are the two that i'm the most proud of. but coming in right behind them would be my orphan leo au till you can breathe on your own and post-movie rise splinter study a bigger heart grew back

as for other people's stuff from this year:

everything @remedyturtles and @dandylovesturtles writes is deserving of accolades and a million dollars each, but specifically stare directly at the sun (i say, surprising no one) and Firefight by rem, and I May Be Invisible... and emotional support water bottles by Dandy

@mykimouser wrote You could make this place beautiful which changed my life, and Forget-Me-Nots which ruined it /pos

You can have three wishes... (as well as the rest of their rise fics honestly) by @mad4turtles

London Bridge has Fallen Down by ParvumAutomaton is their latest in a line of amazing rise fics, and as always i went back for an immediate reread the first time i finished it

everything by @angelmichelangelo but definitely the brothers au !

Pod Save Manhattan by CaveDwellers is such a feel-good turtle soup for the soul type of story, i loved it immensely

two lies and a truth by TheFifthPevensieChild hurt !! a lot !! but the resolution more than made up for it

Keep the Nightlight On by @liketheletter-l is a comfort fic of mine if i'm being so honest and so is tuck your head under the covers by lasanya539, i reread these when i need to feel a shrimp emotion

The Neon Void by sugarpastels was very intense (and it gets worse before it gets better) but i just adored the ending

Martry's Mother Tongue by @mangogreent is something i will never stop thinking about (and that is a threat)

Power Up by @pickledcarrotsandradish gave me 12 brand new mental illnesses, radish knows what she's done

Growing Pains by TwiceTheTrouble is one that i've enjoyed following, the characterization of everyone in it is just chefs kiss

@soldrawss' It Keeps Us Dancing AU is so special to me and her art is beautiful and she also created an animatic for my son gio in the archer au that i have literally watched 306 times

Here There Be Turtles ( @heretherebeturtles-comic ) by @theelvishfiddler has been absolutely INCREDIBLE, the skill is off the charts, i look forward to every new post !

@wickcipher's comic You've Been Portal Jacked! is another one that's definitely worth checking out, the art style is so colorful and shaped /pos

quick departure from tmnt into one piece to add @fluffyartbl0g's fishbowl comic here because i have never been and will never be the same after it

Water is Thicker Than Blood by @where-does-the-heart-lie has brought so much joy to 2024, the character voices and the art style are so SO good

@swordsmans is an incredible writer and also bookbinder ! they are an absolute master of their craft(s) i live in healthy awe of them

and they aren't specific stories or AUs but @charcoaldustonmyfingers, @miniyunart, @irestotles, @dying-marshmallo, @lallelol, @cupcakeslushie, @notsotinyblob, @kiingbiing and @koolaidashley are artists whose work i've really enjoyed recently !

[fridgrave2-0]

We share so many headcanons for Felix and Turbo that it's actually so exciting to see someone who shares a perspective very similar to mine on their characters! I feel like Turbo while dating Felix was less grumpy and sad as a lot of people interpret him :[ like he's not a perfect person ever and he has a million flaws but he also lived as king candy for a while. He's gonna be a little silly, I think. In fact, I think he'd only get that way (mostly) bc of Felix. Like Felix saw this mentally ill guy and went, "I can make him WORSE!" And then justified it to everyone as "I don't know what happened he just went insane!" for almost 30 years. I'd bet half my money that he even coined the term "going Turbo"

YES, EXACTLY, THIS!!!!

let the guy feel happy and silly in a company of someone who's "safe". turbo cannot allow to change others' perception of him by acting out of the line (aka his constant "I'm the best" bravado), but with felix he can relax a little and have a moment of peace when he doesn't have to put on a façade so much. but in the end, the only time he didn't wear a mask was when he was all alone after roadblasters, and being apart from felix was exactly what set him free

felix can't understand anyone else's problems until he goes through something similar and it gets shoved in his face, and even tho he liked turbo a lot back in the day, he was ignorant to things what were troubling turbo. his need of attention and appreciation wasn't normal, and there's only two options: felix supported it to the point when it got out of control, or he was dismissing turbo's concerns and frustrations. I don't see turbo as someone who understands his own emotions, and felix isn't a guy who would help him and guide him into healthier ways of seeking attention because felix himself is just immature and doesn't look outside of his bubble. if he feels good and happy and that his life is fulfilled, that means everyone else like turbo or ralph or else feel that way too. "you have your game, you are a main character, you earn your rewards. what else do you need?" felix would say, genuinely not understanding how neglectful he is. and turbo, disdained by everyone but felix, cannot explain why it's so important, or give a sign how damaging it is to his self-perception and self-esteem. turbo is already shaped into someone who keeps everything to himself, and seeing that felix doesn't want and won't understand him just makes every negative emotion and every concern accumulate in him, rot and poison him until it's too late

I'm sure turbo seeked for an advise when roadblasters were plugged in, but, as always, he was treated with "you're worrying too much. it's gonna be fine. just calm down. no one is trying to take your place". the same exact place by felix's side turbo doesn't feel he belongs to anymore. the same place for which he stepped over himself to open up, made a crack in a safe shell and was met with ignorance. is this what he tried to bent himself for, to be a different person for someone who just isn't willing to understand? to expose his back to others who are waiting for him to fall?

turbo felt rejected. he was rejected. by players and by the person he trusted most. and then he lost control, let the emotions boil out. and then the games were unplugged, his rivals and his home. he felt the invisible strings tearing up, ripping pieces of him out and living a hole that cannot be filled anymore. his connection to his game, his code, his life and soul

he crawled back to the one he also called home, damaged by another crash, the damage that won't heal anymore, because his game was gone. he crawled to felix, hiding from everyone's sight, scared of seeing nothing but "we knew it would happen" in their eyes. he didn't want to prove their expectations to be right. but when he noticed felix through the cracks in the tunnels under gcs, this was exactly what he saw

"he was so jealous. he was crazy... i should've seen it coming", felix said with a glimpse of regret on his face, too small to show the loss he should've feel. instead, there was it. the disappointment — and nothing else for the long ten years of hiding. his name turned into a common noun, a scary story, a legend he never wanted to be. but still, thanks to felix and his fantasies, his inability too see further than his exes' fake façade, turbo did actually become

a legend

[todomitoukei]

I've seen many saying that LOV don't want redemption and it was better for them to die and it's really pisses me off.

What do you think of this? About the LOV dying because they don't want redemption?

Unfortunately, many people in this fandom seem to not understand storytelling or care about whether the content they consume is well-written or not (and even go as far as defending it!).

Suggesting the lov members don't want redemption is just the most obvious way of saying "I didn't understand these characters" and those same people probably also think the story's message of "you're a victim? discriminated against? a minority? hmmm... best we can do is have you die in peace. and you better be thankful for it :)" so I wouldn't worry too much about those people. All we can do is hope they get better.<3

The reason it makes zero sense to claim they don't want to be redeemed is that it indirectly also suggests that they don't want to live. But it is precisely that will to live that pushed them to villainy in the first place.

They all have shared experiences of being abused, neglected, ignored, discriminated against and/or overall being mistreated by people - both their families and society as a whole.

Growing up, the members of the lov just wanted to be accepted and loved, unfortunately most (if not all) people did not give them these very basic human needs, despite them all having been vocal about their needs from the very beginning.

With that, all that was left for them was to stand up for themselves, even when no one else would.

As the story progresses, we see that they love and want to be loved - namely by each other as well as certain people around them.

People want to live, the lov being no exception. And they want to be saved, but the world made them believe that there was no place for them to exist and be loved the way they are, a thought they decided to refuse. They refused to be killed by society - both in spirit and physically. They refused by being louder, by not allowing society to look away and ignore them anymore.

The lov is a cry for help. It's almost poetic how the fandom reflects the society in the story so well, claiming that they're "too far gone" when in reality, no one is ever beyond saving.

Claiming the lov members don't want to be saved is the same as the hero characters in the story telling themselves they somehow saved the villains and calling it a day even though they're all either imprisoned or dead.

It's funny because a few years ago people complained a lot about "mental illness being romanticized" especially online, but as soon as people see mental illness that they don't consider "cute" enough, for lack of a better term, we get horrendous takes such as "killing is bad, there's nothing left to do for these people :/ oh, but the abuser cried so he's cool now!!"

At the end of the day, people will have bad takes and claim their subjective opinions are objective even though they fail to deliver any substantial arguments or consider the fact that maybe, just maybe, people that relate to the lov exist and that the message they (the fans) and the story send is incredibly damaging.

So just a friendly reminder to anyone that does relate to the lov in any way, shape or form: You're valid and cool and deserve your needs to be met; to be loved and to be happy. Even if you're not crying and begging on your knees to be saved, you can still want to be saved. If fighting is all that's left for you then do because you deserve to live.

Finally, let me just leave you with this: Are these the words of someone that doesn't care about being saved or redeemed?

[sol-consort]

Regarding the human kink thing when it comes to turians, some people actually do be nesting, omega-verse style. Imagine being a human assigned to a turian ship, and you just over here in your bunk, innocently arranging the pillows and stuffies, while these guys are just standing there, slack-jawed and harmonizing their subvocals lol

[updated post]

A/B/O is not for me, but I dig the concept of aliens being intrigued by plushies. They are weird when you think about it.

The weird part isn't the plushies–it makes sense for warm-blooded mammals who value skinship to enjoy cuddling soft things, hugs are fundamental for your health—No, The weird part is how the most popular plushies aren't human shaped.

You could argue dolls, but dolls aren't used as plushies. They're more hard and sturdy, something that can withstand being played with. they have joints and brushable hair. Dolls are puppets to tell a story with, a psychological form of play through creativity.

I want you for a moment to imagine an advanced civilisation of bears with me.

With metropolises and bustling economy, they haven't mastered space travel yet but they've been eyeing the planet closest to them, bringing back rocks from the moon, etc.

In one apartment complex, there lives a bear family. The furniture is more accommodating to their larger build, clothes are more of an accessory to them considering their luxurious fur coats keeping them warm.

It's nighttime, tomorrow's a Sunday and mom bear has to leave to work early, she's currently washing the dishes leftover from the wonderful dinner the family just had. Her wife, however, is putting their son to bed. it's his second week in elementary bear school! he's unhappy with his seating arrangement in class however, the teacher placed him too far from his best friend.

His mother promises to have a chat with the teacher about it when she drops him off tomorrow, the son bear is very delighted and roars happily. A big yawn escapes him as his eyelids get heavy.

In his arms, there lies a cotton friend. His most beloved treasure, the most precious inanimate object to his heart. His plushie!

He adores it. It makes him so happy. It helped make him feel safe when he first started sleeping alone after his moms got him his own bed.

Now, I need you to tell me what does the plushie look like?

For me, these are the options that instinctively came to my mind when attempting to imagine what sentient bear cubs living in a 21st century would gravitate towards in a plushie.

A) a teddybear, more fluffy, abstract, and cartoonish looking

B) a plushie in the shape of a honeyjar

C) a plushie in the shape of a fish–more specifically, salmon or trout

D) fuck idk man leave me alone

When compressed down to their core, in the most simplfied form, the choices are:

A) Identity

B) Food

C) Food

D) How did you get into my house?

-

With that long analogy out of the way, when you compare that limited selection to the actual things humans have already turned into plushies, it just doesn't make sense.

Food, yes we have plushies of food but also of animals we do not eat. rabbits, cats, dogs, dolphins, bugs. We have plushies of predetors even, things that once hunted us down, beings that still could very well kill us if we meet face to face, tigers, sharks, bears themselves even.

Animal cartoons are much more popular amongst kids. Fables about talking animals have been a stable genre ever since humans invented writing. Animal plushies are popular amongst adults too.

Plushies of inanimate objects, of plants, of fictional characters and fantasy creatures.

I'm willing to bet that humans already made plushies of verans since the first year they came into space, that they sold out on earth immediately. Hell, I'm sure there are plushies of reapers, of protheons and even of turians and other species.

Not even abstract ideas were spared from being into marketable plushies! isn't there a series designed to raise awareness for mental illness?

The whole meme of "turns your fav into a marketable plushie" spread so much because it is true. If there is one thing humans love, is making plushies of anything not human.

And that's the weird part to aliens, the big boy of human anomalies. "Why do they want to cuddle literally everything in this universe? and how come plushies of other humans is the last thing on that list"

You try to explain it to a salarian once but they just look at you in confusion. What do you mean you sleeping with plushes resembling your species is "weird"?? Don't you humans like hugging each other so much? Yet cuddling the soft imitation of a reaper each night isn't weird to you????

That's not even mentioning how the bear society analogy is flawed because we are biased by nature. We projected the bear society onto our human agriculture and based it upon our own popculture.

When in reality they would hold very different values, a different emotional range. They'd be as diverse as the other alien species in mass effect, sharing more resemblance to them than to humans.

We see someone sad, and we have this need to touch them, pat their shoulder, rub their back, hold their hands, and give a hug. Bears let their children walk on their own while we carry our young more, much like aquatic birds in more ways than we'd think.

A/B/O nesting isn't my cup of tea, but with turians, it's easier to digest. Yeah, they are birds. It would be literal nesting. That's kinda cute.

We like caves, it's also cute. Would turians prefer the top bunkbed? Anyway.

Birds usually throw clutter away from their nests, anything that's not a straw or building material is disposed off to make space for their eggs.

While we like the opposite, clutter fucking rocks! at least for humans.

We have a mattress, then a mattress cover, then a sheet.

Then we have pillows, stuffing, then pillow covers, decorative pillows.

After it, multiple blankets! a soft one, a heavy one, an airy one. Sometimes, blankets come with blanket covers.

Finally, the plushies arrive. Multiple of course, some for decorations, others well worn with cuddles. Sometimes a gaint big one to fully wrap all of our limbs around.

Sometimes our beds have crumbs from food we eat in it, othertimes it has a stray sock we took off while in bed and forgot.

Most of the time it has our phone in it, a pet joins us there, book we're reading, laundry we were supposed to fold but forgot, a bag, or several outfits as we get ready to go out.

That's a cave, much like bears leave the skeletal remains of their prey, we have crumbs from the cookie we suddenly craved at 3am.

Nests are neat and clutter-free, at least the bird ones, always getting cleaned from waste. Eggshells are thrown out as they hatch, baby birds waste are immediately disposed of.

Lizard nests aren't that different.

Because the equivalent to a nest foundation isn't the blankets, plushies, or pillows. it's the house foundation itself!

The concrete walls and the sturdy floorboards. The whole bedroom is already a well-built nest. The bed is just an extra cushion. The fluffy material and loose feathers birds leave at the very top, so the twigs don't scratch the fragile eggs.

So, in conclusion. Turians and Salarians would get VERY overwhelmed in a human bedroom, let alone a human bed with plushies, stuffies, and blankets.

They're like, "Are you expecting a baby???" When they notice what their brain consider is extra protective fluffing for eggs.

Turians even more because of their lack of skin nerves, hard plating, and all. Their outershell makes it hard to appreciate soft things, let alone hugging them, when they can barely feel it.

Salarains? They're softer, more squishy, and they might enjoy the way it feels against their skin. Most reptiles do, and they're the closest thing for reference.

They're warm-blooded, but they do originate from a fully tropical planet + they're amphibians and might have used to be semi-aquatic? Meaning that while they still produce their own bodyheat, it wouldn't be that much to begin with. Space is definitely much colder to them than to a human.

That's why hugging a human is so nice to them! They can leech off of your body heat as their very own sun–or at least a substitute for a heatlamp.

But plushies and blankets are a different story. With blankets, they might make them cold or freeze since they blocked whatever light or heatlamp the salarians must need for sleep when they're not wearing their temperature adjustment suits.

And if you sleep next to them under the blanket, your trapped body heat will cause the temperature to rise above what's comfortable for them and risk overheating them. Same with the fluffy sheets, pillows or plushies.

there's the risk of overheating them with your body as the blanket traps in the heat. it will happen slowly, but that just makes it more dangerous. A slow simmer of rising body temperature as they realise what a death trap a human bed actually is.

Plus, salarians only need one hour of sleep per cycle, it seems very excessive to them that you'd build a whole room and make the biggest piece of furniture in it solely for the purpose of sleep. All of those plushies just to hug to sleep?

Drell, who breathe through their skin, would view blankets as a total nightmare. Their clothes already need a lot of adjustment to accommodate their conditions, only certain material is airy enough to allow them to get a lungfull, and you want to suffocate them with cotton or polyester?

They know you only breathe through your nose, but it still...makes them feel uneasy. Seeing you covered completely in stuffies and thick blankets, only your head poking out. Much like what it would feel for us to see someone go to sleep underwater with a flimsy mask connected to an oxygen tank. Now, this is truly a death trap–the salarians were right.

As long as you forgo the blanket and...allow them to fully strip down, they will give this whole human bed thing a try. Silk or satin sheets and pillow covers feel the best against their skin, smooth surfaces that seamlessly glide, air particles passing through it with little trouble.

Anything fluffy, feathery, or with fur will irritate their skin. It's like something brushing against your nose. They sacrifice a lot of comfort when it comes to indulging the human need to cuddle, but most drell rarely complain as they accommodate to your need, even if it meant you'd be slightly cutting off their air circulation.

Maybe their society is exceptionally polite? Maybe devotion and sacrifice for the ones you love are just ingrained in their biology? It would explain their endless royalty to the hanar despite how staying on that planet is literally killing them.

Oh yeah, owning a humidifier in your room will cause them a lot of pain and discomfort. Turn it off, or if you really want to woo a drell, get a dehumidifier.

Krogans would fucking love our beds tho. Might make fun of it at first, but they secretly also want a soft mattress and plushies to cuddle with.

Get close enough with a Krogan, and they'll start crashing in your room and taking naps on your own bed whenever the chance presents itself.

Don't the asari sleep in pods? I'm thinking of that sex scene in ME, she fucks you in a pod. That's something. At least...Liara gets used to human beds?

-

Anway! having established all of that definitely vital and necessary world building, I can finally talk smut about the turians! the original context of this request!

One look at a human's bed and their minds are definitely going south. First of all, human, you're in desperate need of a mate because your nest is a mess! Why do you have so many different fabrics? Aren't you worried you'll suffocate yourself with a plushie or too while sleeping?

Second of all...they didn't know humans were this soft. You mean, most humans sleep like this? In very comfortable beds? Even like...the army tough ones? Oh, that's why they get so excited for shore leave? so they can return to their actual comfortable nests–sorry yes "beds" and have some decent sleep?

huh.

And none of you are expecting children, correct? This is just how the average adult human goes to sleep?

Turians don't have the heart to tell you that they associate soft beds–ones like yours—to the human equivalent of a heart-shaped bed with rose petals scattered around, candles illuminating the room and a very deliberate lack of condoms.

They try not to...think about it whenever they come into the room. A bluish hue adorning their cheeks, trying to avoid eye-contact as they explain that uh...fuck, they accidentally glanced towards your bed and forgot what they came here to say.

I talked before how jarring it's to them that humans easily allow others on their bed, be it human or not. You just casually invite your friends to sit on it? The same sheets you sleep on each night? the one so heavy with your delicious scent they can practically smell it the second they stepped foot into this room?

And now you're telling them to take a seat, even handing them one of your plushies to keep in their lap. What's a friendly gesture and a show of trust is being very very badly misinterpreted by their brain chemistry, their biology going haywire at what they consider the declaration of "Get me pregnant" Whether you're actually capable of it or not.

-

Sidenote, the angara might be the only ones to share our bed preferences, not only that but show enthusiasm at the mention of plushies.

The only difference is that their society values plushies that resemble people more, angara like them. The dolls and plushie lineup are very intertwined.

Cuddling very intimately with someone isn't sexualised either, nor presented under a romantic light necessarily. Their society prides itself on love and affection; they're direct with expressing their emotions.

A single angara family can have many mothers and fathers, tens of sisters and brothers. Cuddling and sharing a bed is very normalised even far into adulthood.

They might be the ones giving humans the wrong idea by immediately inviting them back to cuddle on their bed after only the second meeting. Just because they decided they like you :) It's the equivalent of going out for coffee.

Protheoans, meanwhile, fall on the opposite spectrum. Javik doesn't have a bed, does he? He never asks for one either. They're a society of warriors, they value strength and abhor tenderness. Brutal honesty is their forte.

But...they also read each other's emotions through touch.

While beds are a foreign concept, plushies are not. Javik can sense the history of a room just by directly touching its floorboards. Plushies and other sentimental objects must be valued very greatly in their society, doesn't he hold onto the disk of memories from his time back before being frozen?

He understands why his own species came to value plushies, but why the hell does yours do it? You lack his abilities, all humans do.

You try to explain it to him, but it just sounds like you're describing vague and badly done emotion reading with extra steps.

He concludes that humans must hold traces of these abilities. It just translates into safety and the need to cuddle others. Also, it is clearly inferior to the protheon's advanced ability, so yeah.

Javik dislikes your bed but likes your plushies and actually welcomes cuddling. He remains stoic throughout it but you can feel him poking through your memories.

Same with your plushies, he asks that he may keep one as a relic. A piece of your soul, your history is encased in it like an artifact in amber.

Touching it almost feels exactly like travelling in time to meet your old self, getting to part the curtians of space itself and get a front row view on the person you used to be.

Plushies immortalise you to protheans, who would've thought.

-

I had so much fun with this an analysis it <333 I know it isn't exactly what you had in mind anon, I'm sorry, A/B/O is listed as a "no" in my requesting list. But the concept was so good I had to approach it in a different direction.

I hope you still enjoyed it!

[trinketfairy]

SQUISHMALLOWS/BUM BUMZ ALTERNATIVE MASTERPOST

After posting my warning on Jazwares for supporting Israel, I've been asked time and time again to make my alternative plushies brands available for non-Twitter users, to which I say "absolutely, fuck that site." It's well overdue at this point, so here's my list of plush brands that are way better than Squishmallows and Bum Bumz!

Unfortunately can't provide images due to Tumblr's image limit, but I'll provide websites for you to search through when available.

Complete list is under a readmore for convenience.

Squishables: If you want that same "kawaii" aesthetic and round shapes, Squishables is your best bet. They're great too because a lot of their plush are designed by fans who are given a cut of their sales. Sign up for their email notifications, they have sales very often!

Amuse/Amufun: If you're really into the "kawaii" aesthetic, then it makes sense to look directly towards Japanese brands! You may know them for their Alpacasso line. It can be expensive to get them imported, but I think they're very much worth it.

Jellycat: I can't say I 100% recommend their newer plush anymore considering their steep decline in quality, but their older plush are still so wonderful and full of character. You're bound to find something by them that you like from their catalogue. (Editor's note: This is what my original thread said, but it seems like Jellycat has improved their quality control, so I feel much better with recommending them again!)

Mary Meyer: If JC is too much out of your price range, then Mary Meyer is what I recommend next to them! Their Marshmallow Zoo line is a huge favourite of mine, I love how full of character they are.

Aurora World: Aurora World has plenty of brands under their belt, so there's bound to be something that tickles your fancy. Brands under the Aurora World company include Palm Pals, Eco Nation, Miyoni, and their baby line, Ebba.

Steiff: Ah yes, the OG teddy bear brand, the one that started it all and is still going strong. Be warned that they can get pretty expensive depending on what you're looking at, but I hear that they're so worth every single penny.

Douglas Cuddle Toys: Probably the quintessential plush brand when it comes to realistic plush, especially cats and dogs, but they have tons of other species available too! Pretty affordable too if you're buying them at retail price

Wild Republic: Another one that does more realistic-looking plush, but I think they have a wider selection of species to choose from. If you're looking for a niche animal, Wild Republic (likely) has you covered!

Shinada Morisaka Global: Another plush brand I have yet to get my hands on, but one that I hear fantastic things about. I mean come on, how can you not love these little guys??

Pokemon Center: Jazwares unfortunately holds the license to make Pokemon plush, but that doesn't mean they're your only option when it comes to Pokeplush! TPC has been making their own Pokeplush for ages now, and they have plenty of different lines to suit your tastes.

Sunlemon: They're expensive to get imported but oh my god are they worth it. The quality is truly umatched compared to American plushies, I adore my tanuki to bits. Please get more eyes on their stuff.

Prime Shiba: Definitely a more expensive option, but I think they're cute plushies for every dog lover. Their stuff often goes on sale often so definitely take advantage of them!

Plushie Dreadfuls: You've probably seen one of their mental illness-themed bunnies before, but have you seen their Pride and Zodiac collections too? They also have many generic-looking plush if the personalization isn't up your alley! Ok so this was in my Twitter thread but apparently since then some shit has gone down with the company CEO making some offhand remarks that got misinterpreted but he acted like an ass in response to it, I recommend doing your own research on it before you buy in case that's not something you wanna support.

StrawbunnyCake: Want to go more small business? Consider supporting a fellow disabled creator, StrawbunnyCake! Their stuff is adorable, and you're sure to fall in love with their characters.

Hannimations: Also on the list of small businesses is Hannimator! Easily best known for their Pride-related Colourful Puppies/Kittens plush lines

Paleoplushies: If you're super into dinosaurs and other preshistoric animals, then Paleoplushies is sure to have something you'll like! They're all handmade by a single artist, so please show them your love and kindness

Cirquell Curiosities: Another great small business to support, most known for their high-end demon goat plushies! A lot of their stuff is one of a kind too, so they're the place to go if you're looking for a unique plush.

Snughouls: The unique and elusive Care Weres line by McMadMissile is sure to win over your heart! It originally started as just being the werewolves, but has since expanded to all kinds of demonic creatures from the Kickstarter! There's even some designs waiting to be funded!

Next are a bunch of brands that weren't personally recommended by me, but get my seal of approval:

AfternoonFika

Creep Cat Toy Co.

Weighted Wildlife

Tasty Peach Studios

Bunnies By The Bay

Snoozimals

Smoko

ChottoBonita

Honeylambs

CraftedCuddlez

Cyborutchi

Fluffnest

MarDeLunaArts (+ on Etsy)

Bellzi

B Softies by B Toys

That's all I have to share, but if you have any other brands you think are worth highlighting then by all means I invite you to reblog with your additions. Please remember that this is a collective effort and we're all counting on each other to act. Keep your head up, don't stop talking about Palestine, and remember to prioritize the official BDS brands list. From the river to the sea 🇵🇸🍉🕊️🫒

[sluggybunny]

posted a buncha rambling about this on my other blog but i want to be very brave and try to post about it here. warning it's very yappy, i'm not in a good headspace and i esp wasn't last night. but i want to talk about it anyway

this month i started a new little project/interactive game type stuff. it started because i was struggling to write cj and I was in the mood for dark fantasy (turns out that's my niche, i just start TYPING AWAY when it's that). it kind of spiraled and now i'm 120k deep

I don’t have a name for this project, I am very bad at naming things. But the premise/setting is a grimdark fantasy esque world. And there’s this type of magic that is actually more like a parasitic disease.

I really love the idea of magic as something that represents mental illness. And writing surrealism, dreams, memory issues, etc is my fave.

Combining it with a dream I had a long time ago of a world where they used children in war, this type of magic can be learned by anyone but they have to “survive” the initial sickness. And children are more resilient to surviving.

Because magic becomes a useful commodity in society (military, industrial, labor) there is an incentive to have a lot of magic users. So you end up with a society exposing children to a dangerous, not well understood phenomenon in order to shape them into something useful. A lot of children die or suffer very severe side effects that permanently alter their mind or body

That’s the setting, though. The main plot is more concerned with other stuff.

I just like world building fantasy stuff.

I wrote two origins the player can pick but one is sort of shelved until I can figure out the family situation. That one is the noble background and has deeply fucked family dynamics and I’m stuck on 1) did I make this too fucked up 2) I want to use character sprites because I’m an artist(tm) but if they’re related to the protag, how do I make it inclusive

The other one is you’re an orphan sent to a nice orphanage that’s really there to produce magic users. This one has the most content for now, since orphan means no family members I gotta worry about. further background customization would include having beef with the church, evil magic... stuff. this is called the scholar origin

Then there's the main story after all the origins (i want the origins to be kind of lengthy so they can deeply effect all the stuff on the main story, since there are lot of choices within those origins to shape your character) and I started writing it in a sort of episodic way or "arcs". The first arc is in the mountains with a necromancer.

I'm trying VERY HARD to not include complicated mechanics, I just looove coding so much. But I did include some exploring and stats/skills that are chosen in the beginning and can later be influenced... can't help it! 🥲

other stuff:

I kinda wrote in-universe misogyny . Maybe it’s wrong of me but I like settings that include that. Again kinda makes it hard for player options... also i know that's not everyone's jam but i'm writing for myself since I have no plans on making a commercial product

In the scholar origin, you get close friend, your mentor, a knight, and a priest. You can choose a variety of interactions with the, dynamics, etc

If you play female, the knight might be creepy to you. Otherwise he’s actually very likable and cool. I thought that could emphasize the reality of those situations If that makes sense (the predators/creeps in people's lives appearing as Just A Chill Guy To Everyone Else) Your childhood friend has potential to be an incel-like guy, a rival, or truly your closest friend depending on the choices. And the mentor is a major character to the main story and his dynamic with the player is variable. I put in so many options and branching stories, that's really what ended up making the word count when I started writing the script lol. Idk how to put a percentage on it but most of the background/origins are done and i'm midway into the first arc.

I haven't designed any visuals yet, I'm super focused on writing. WILD since i am an artist, you'd think that's what i go to first. But I get stuck in my head too much when making A Public Thing and not just my personal ocs so I'm constantly worried about the designs being palatable. I got to 120k now. It's impressive from an output number but i feel like game itself is barely any content... there's just A LOT of player reactivity. that's my fave thing in any rpg and i always crave more, so that was a leading factor in writing.

if you read any of this, i love you lol

I struggle to complete projects sooo bad but the amount i made for this gives me confidence it's going somewhere. also setting limits on myself so i don't add too much rpg elements (I wanna code a combat system sooo bad but that is some difficult work and I want to actually write interactive fiction pls)

ok good bye thanks to anyone who read it. let me know if it interests you, i'm looking for some homies that like this stuff and would be down to discussing it with me because feedback is key with games

also if anyone wants to be tagged when i talk about this let me know. two people showed interest and i got so excited over that hsfhshrh

[truedarkhunter]

Ciel, the internal struggle (A Deep Dive)

Ciel can be a hard one to get into the headspace of for writing or creating art at times. With some of the details coming to light of how Our Ciel (O!Ciel) is actually the younger of a set of twins and took the name of his older brother the Real Ciel (R!Ciel) gives more insight into his motivations. (I'm just going to refer to the MC as Ciel and his brother as his older brother to make it easier to read.) Ciel's history is dark, as this is a horror anime/manga, even if it has lighthearted moments. It's heavier than Moriarty, The Patriot and probably closer to DeathNote with the 'I monster I became, lest a monster I become' idea. It certainly has the Shinigami/Grim Reapers along with the investigations. Basically: This is your trigger warning that this post is going to be a bit heavy because this character has been through the wringer. If violence and abuse and s.a. are not something you can handle today, this is not the post for you. Please guard your mental health.

Okay! That said, I will try to be gentle with the subject, but it's not my forte.

Also: expect spoilers. This is a deep dive. If you haven't read or watched Black Butler, you may get too much information. By the same token, this is some very specific character stuff so it just might not make sense if you aren't familiar with the segments referenced. I'm going from early childhood and the conditions of the time period forward to where the manga and anime have covered thus far.) Onward! Ciel was born into an affluent family of privilege as an unhealthy younger son. His brother would have been set to inherit everything. The author, Yana Toboso, really strongly leaned in on the "heir and spare" idea, but seemed to overplay it with the 'why were you even born aspect'. The answer is right in the line heir and SPARE. With the setting, about 2 out of every 5 children died before the age of five in the 1800's as it was a time before vaccines. It is surprising that the family didn't have more children rather than it had two.

So expect that Ciel and his older brother had friends in their circle or heard from adults talking that some of the children they knew passed away before the inciting incident (the moment that started the story arc of the series) began. The Victorian Era is chock-full of examples of death being a regular part of the culture. This is important as it shapes what is 'normal' for Ciel.

Children that made it past the childhood diseases stage usually lived a long time, that would be particularly true of the upper class who had both regular meals, shelter, heat, and adequate clothing. The upper class was also able to have their houses cleaned regularly by staff and their linens bleached which killed off illnesses. (This is part of why 'white bedsheets' and 'white linens' are popular during this period and into the early 1900's. Dyed cloth would be ruined by bleach so such items were just kept white. White showed any stain, so having everything perfectly white meant they were either frequently replaced or scrupulously maintained. The wearing of white gloves meant you didn't get your hands dirty or could afford to replace/strongly clean them on the regular. (That or you were very, very cautious.) White was associated with purity which was associated with godliness. Those aspects show up in the series as well.

From the very title "Black Butler" to the red dress Ciel pulls out to adorn his aunt in, to the lilies Undertaker is seen with meaning "innocent" it's woven into the story. Ciel is also used to strong color in clothing. It was fashionable to change outfits at different times of the day. This showed off your wealth, as well as adjusted for changes in temperature/social situations. True blues, bright reds, and such were difficult to get, and so were very costly. Many dyes were not color-fast and used dangerous reagents to to make them.

That mourning black that you were expected to wear? You called out a tailor to your home and had the family sized for it and didn't go outside until you had the mourning clothing. What was in it? Arsenic. People who had that against their skin and sweated or got it wet could get arsenic poisoning and perish themselves! That saying "Don't cry your eyes out"? If someone mourned too heavily and got their veil wet could go blind from it! So changing clothing to avoid the dyes tainting your skin was also a good idea. Ciel likely had an occasion or two where playing around puddles got him and his brother in trouble because the dyes got on their skin and would take days to get back to normal. Likewise, some of the harsh chemicals, including the bleach, may have aggravated the main character's asthma. Those periodic episodes may have come right after the linens returned and were still strongly scented of the bleach used to clean them. Alternatively, the rainy/damp weather may have drawn out the arsenic in the Scheele's Green wallpaper at some of the homes they visited (made with arsenic again!).

This wallpaper and the stench of the waste dumped in the street and into the River Thames is why "The Season" existed. It came to be noticed that people felt ill when they were indoors (around the arsenic wallpaper) and did better outside in the (relatively) fresh air. So it became common to go out to the country during the warmer months for healthful constitutionals. It also got people away from the stench of the city. (Look up The Great Stink of 1858 in England. Ciel's parents would have experienced it.) Between that and the recommendation of the doctors of the time, Rachel and Vincent would have taken to bringing the children out to the country more.

Quite possibly, his parents originally lived in London more and then went to their mansion estate to stay after their children were born because of Ciel's health problems. Even so, his parents still entertained, as seen during the Noah's Ark Circus/Book of Circus arc. Vincent was still keeping his eye on the underworld for Queen Victoria. As such, he had more than social obligation, but a required need to interact frequently with the people in society in order to feel them out to determine which rumors were true and which were false.

To that end, we can expect that Ciel's father was eloquent and charming. We see him being a tender father and a dedicated, caring husband. He also had a flip side that had to handle taking out the threats to the Queen and he couldn't be squeamish about it. Because of that, the hunting trips with his sister were likely important to him. He could dress a deer or hide a body. Hunting as a sport was a great way to arrange an 'accident'. His sister, who is as good with a gun as a sword, shows an uptight demeanor around Ciel. Some of that is likely that she always worried about her brother and now worries about Ciel. Hence her wanting them to be perfect in both appearance and action. The job of the Queen's Guard Dog allowed no room for error. She may also harbor suspicions of Ciel's actual identity, hence the "fix your hair"! The ill younger brother may not have had to be meticulously groomed all the time, but the elder likely did. Moreover, having a slovenly appearance could lead to rumors of him being an imposter or just unfit for the role and he can't afford that. Rumors could kill.

The boys had undeniably heard about their family line holding this important position. There would be gentle explanations and some success stories or funny ones, then the untold part of why their grandparents were no longer around when other kids still had theirs. Ciel had some idea beforehand of what this life was like, but not the reality of it.

One of the holdovers from his grandparents time is the Undertaker. He was a friend to his grandmother Cloudia, and since she married the Queen's Guard Dog, he likely used his ability to read the records of the dead to aid them...although he then found tangible things like notes in pockets or inquiring in town to the right people. That he knew where to look for that piece of paper or which people to talk to would be considered a "knack". The brothers would also have known the members of Dad's secret club, the Aristocrats of Evil (or Villainous Nobles) as little gets past the eyes of children.

He had his circle of informants that he relied upon, as that was exactly who they were. The current iteration has Chlaus, Diedrich, Undertaker, Lau, Angelina Dalles (his aunt, deceased), Azzuro Vanel (deceased), Pitt, an Unidentified woman, and Unidentified man with a scarred left eye. (See: Kuroshitsuji fandom wiki, Aristocrats of Evil)

Chlaus, Diedrich, Lau, and Azzuro handled external/international threats. Lau and Azzuro are particularly about Chinese and Italian Mafia and the drugs and other contraband such groups were trying to bring into England. Undertaker was the only place to get aid with funerals and a little with medical advice and surgeries (I suspect). He handled news from the less affluent quarters and listened in the corners at funerals as they were big events and people talked. The truth could come out of what a person was really like and these occasions were as important as weddings for networking. Knowing who was arranging meetings with whom could prove important later.

He also had insight into supernatural goings on, however he may or may not have relayed it. Angelina Dalles, aka Madame Red, ran in the social circles of the aristocrats and heard all the latest gossip. Those leads, and her information from being a medical practitioner could allow the Queen's Guard Dog to know who was up to what and then have the medical reports to back up claims if someone got injured suspiciously. Pitt is a paparazzi before that title got popular. People love sensational stories and he would get them or pictures for the paper who ran them. Unlike Diedrich, Undertaker, or Angelina, he has no deeper ties of loyalty to the family and is purely there for the money.

This circle is whom Ciel inherits and it almost immediately begins breaking down. The loyalty to his father did not simply translate to him in all cases. Life also moved on and people change. Hence the attempted kidnapping by Azzuro and the discovery of Madame Red's dark activities on the side. Some are overly attached, such as Undertaker, and the tale is taking some wild turns because of it. That there are multiple supernatural beings having a hand in his life (Undertaker, Sebastian, Grelle), some arcs do not resolve naturally (such as the potential redemption of his aunt at the end of the Red Reaper arc) while his continued existence is itself due to supernatural intervention (the butler).

This causes him to rely more and more on his butler, which is exactly how Sebastian desires it. It is also why when Soma and Agni appear on the scene it is such a consternation for his butler. Soma claims friendship, regardless of how Ciel tries to distance himself, and has the social status to ignore Ciel's attitudes. Likewise, Agni shows himself not only a potent peer to Sebastian, but skilled at organizing others so that their talents shine. (The servants competently preparing things in the kitchen together in the anime under Agni's supervision in contrast to their incompetence being resolved solely by Sebastian in the first episode and at the picnic later with Lizzy.) The selfishness of the demon and his pride made him want to show off his skills and talents. Growing the skills of the others doesn't come naturally to him, nor is it desirable as it would diminish the young master's reliance upon him. That shock is very real and a moment of growth in the butler, but goes a little under the radar for Ciel. The young master was likely just grateful things were quiet for an afternoon among his servants.

Ciel not only needed to step into his brother's shoes, he had to start handling the accounts for the estate. Which begs the question:

Why Ciel?

(Informational) He may have overheard the kidnappers describing the requirements for making a pact with a demon if one showed up. If he somehow had the presence of mind, he may have given the false name to the demon in hopes of getting out of the pact later if he decided he didn't like what was going to happen.

(Coldly Rational) He may have known that there would be other claimants for his family's position and he could lose his position and possibly fall into the hands of the person who betrayed them if he came back as his true named self. As Ciel, even being young, he would be the strongest claimant for the position and it would allow him to investigate who did this to his family.

(Romantic Notion) He could have taken it simply to keep some part of his beloved twin alive. It would be the only memorial he could have for him. This was a difficult thing for him to pull off even as close as he was as it seems his brother was more extroverted and probably tougher and sassier. It's one thing to look like his brother; it's another to consistently pass as his brother. Hence how Lizzy felt so horrible that she had missed it or glossed over the signs once the older brother made his appearance. Falling ill from his asthma would have been a dead giveaway to those closest to him, hence he didn't disclose it even to his butler. Yet his life and plan relied upon it.

Another part of Ciel's life now revolved around social interaction. He not only had to do the books, but he had to tour the lands and talk to the people who worked it for him and provided his living. This is something his brother would have been getting introduced to, but he may not have. In the anime, the butler helps facilitate it just as he handled it up until that point. Having Sebastian provide the names and backgrounds before they arrived and appraising Ciel of what their needs were would help Ciel to ingratiate himself in his father's place. That he actually addresses their concerns and insures things run smoothly at that level even if it costs him some of his funds, solidified the worker's support.

I suppose we must now address what happened that launched the Black Butler story. While the boys would have been sheltered, the trips to their other holdings would have exposed them to some of what life was like in the rest of England and particularly London.

They would see people being homeless in the street, hear about the long hours for the working class where their bosses wouldn't let them have rest breaks off their feet, causing them to have health issues. People losing body parts from industrial accidents, getting illnesses that weren't treatable or were given quack treatments, these were all common in his world. They'd hear some of it from their aunt interspersed with boring gossip as well as their friends and family's attitudes towards the other classes. There were the realities in the world he and his brother were getting introduced to as they reached double digits and were starting to get taken around to learn how to govern their lands.

Somewhere amongst those friends and relatives was someone who planned to overthrow their father. The manga has a meeting between Vincent and Diedrich where the twins are present where it seems like Vincent may have an inkling that something risky is coming up. That or they just finished something that made Vincent concerned for the future as he asks Diedrich to give his allegiance and support to his son should something happen to him. Likewise, the anime showed that Vincent knew his fate was coming to meet him and he couldn't avoid it. However, he didn't expect for his children to be caught up in it, nor likely his wife. Speculation: It may be that when the Queen's Guard Dog becomes too well-known, they aren't as effective. Alternatively, there may be a set term limit to insure there is no question of loyalty from corruption or bribery. That would allow he family to continue to pass down the responsibility each generation, yet explain why they wind up having shortened lifespans. (Not that the job is oh-so-safe in the first place!)

There is evidence that the older brother knew the people who did it and was likely duped into letting them into the house or giving up information that would allow them to infiltrate. It is unlikely that he was actively attempting to take over. Given his age and skill level, he wouldn't be ready to take over for his father. It could be a Lion King sort of moment, as Yana has drawn from Hamlet for this tale as well, but if so then it would have been to convince the heir that they would like to be the Earl sooner. Wouldn't it be fun?

It would be interesting if one of the people involved planned to manipulate the heir, while those under him had a different idea since they suffered under the Watch Dog and figured getting rid of the family entirely and selling off the kids would be more effective. Either way, our Ciel knows that his brother knew something about their attackers.

They were sold in the underground, quite likely by the Viscount of Druitt himself or an underling. It appeared to be a very upper-class group involved. The images showed rather well-dressed people and Undertaker was caught off-guard by event and had trouble retrieving the twins during that month. Upper class in this case may also involve angels, which would truncate Undertaker's ability to act which may be why he didn't get the older brother back until he had passed. Alternatively, he only got it back when the crime scene was discovered and so had whatever hours the child had been dead to deal with in reanimating him. Yet if the site was burned, it implies he was nearby and able to swoop in as soon as it fell into the grey area that Grim Reapers operate in. Whether or not we will get to see angels has yet to be determined in the manga although the first season of the anime had them. While much of the anime is not cannon, Yana clearly had themes she relayed that she is running with. It would feel a bit incomplete to have the black and the grey without the white for this canvas. What we do have is a play on the spiritual movement and esoteric fascination of the time.

France was profiting on this by selling books said to be "meant for church use" in the introduction which allowed them to hock ones listing supposed demons. Many of them were barely altered names of gods among other things. Such books were considered restricted items normally just as sexually explicit pieces were. Hence the use of the 'for church use' tag to slip it past the censors. These were displayed in secretive collections as Victorians wanted to be 'in the know'. (So just because a source is old doesn't mean it's reputable. People trying to scam others have always existed.) However, this means people were attempting to discover the secrets beyond the Veil. The bored rich had the time and resources to try and summon the demons listed.

One particularly decadent group in the Black Butler setting turned to performing the most perverse rites, harming children bought through Druitt or some other seller. To these people the twin Phantomhive children went. The group spent a month turning them from pure and innocent into terribly shocked, ill, abused children all to try to summon a demon. At the end, they sacrificed one of the pair and it worked. Unbeknownst to them, a sacrifice had to be something that had meaning and closeness to you. Hence the demon went to Ciel. His brother's soul acted as the price for passage. He also had the strongest emotions and desire in the place, a desire for revenge.

During it all, the pair relied on each other for strength and purpose. They kept swallowing their father's signet ring and digging through the dung later to retrieve it and swallow it again so that it wouldn't be taken from them and they could prove whom they were once they escaped. That support is likely what kept them from breaking utterly as with the other children. It was clear they weren't given enough food, and were force fed to keep them alive, and their fine clothes were worn down to or replaced with rags. They were getting close to passing from the neglect. That was when the group pulled one of them from the cage at random. They didn't know they took the eldest, and that was important for the younger brother in order to assume the eldest's identity. With the loss of his brother, Ciel's anger outweighed his despair in that moment and brought the demon to his side. He had nothing left to lose in his mind, so he made the pact. Then his first order was to kill all those present and to burn the place to the ground.

While this would seem to make sense, who wouldn't want to destroy everything after such an event? It also feeds into his mindset after all he went through. Ciel wants oblivion. Had it been him on the altar, he probably would have felt relief and just given up. However, with duty pressed so hard on him and the loss of his brother, he felt compelled to live through the moment. However, once he has satisfied his need to know who did this to his family and exact his revenge, he wants not to die, but to no longer be. Oblivion.

In the first season anime, he showed that he intended to keep his part of the Faustian pact. Interestingly, while he didn't want to continue, he asked that Sebastian not make an effort to be gentle as he wanted the pain of it to be engraven upon his soul as proof that he had a life that was worth living. In that iteration, the butler simply replied, "Indeed, my young lord."

With all he had been through, Ciel would not believe himself able to come back from that damage. There is evidence of this. We get to see him suffering nightmares for months on end as the butler stays by his side and protects him. Likewise, when he faces other children being put through what he faced in a recreation of the rite, he has the butler burn the place down just as he did before. He intimates that no one that has gone through such things is really there anymore. Since he doesn't ask the other children if they want to live, he is answering based on his own experience and mindset - they are walking dead to him. Because of how he treats them, you can see how he feels about himself. He's going through the motions, but he feels he's already dead inside but for duty and revenge.

Given how little mental health care existed at the time, there isn't much reason or chance for him to recover. The Queen certainly has him hopping right away and the breakneck pace of a case every two weeks to a month doesn't allow Ciel much time to sort himself.

One of the best aids for his mindset is the presence of Lizzy. Because she is a callback to the good days of his childhood, and because of his responsibility to her as a fiancé in place of his brother, he pulls upon older memories and reactions. While dusty, they are still there. He indulges her, partially to hide whom he really is, and partially as he knows he can never fulfill her dream and be her husband. It is unlikely that he can view he games of man and maid in any wholesome light after all he had been through. For this reason, I cannot see Ciel honestly being paired with anyone.

It could be he could grow over time and find some form of happiness. Yana drew a 'what if' piece for Ciel if he had stayed on at the circus with Doll. So that if the conditions were right, he might find some level of safety and comfort could have maybe been possible, but given this is a horror anime with a Faustian pact, it isn't meant to be. Moreover, since he is fully aware of his deal, Ciel knows he must stick to his bargain or forfeit his life early. He doesn't dare express too much affection, even if he feels some amount of it, lest he trigger some nullification clause that takes him out before his revenge is complete. We see this in the Green/Emerald Witch arc where Ciel has to recover from his brush with a a dangerous chemical and winds up being too afraid for a while to continue his hunt. At that point, Sebastian goes in to eat him and gets rebuffed. When Ciel asks if he were actually going to do it, Sebastian replies he was only 90% serious. So yes, Ciel has parameters set to continue to have the services of his butler. That also means he can't necessarily take time to heal.

In the anime, Sebastian describes the experiences and emotions Ciel has gone through as a sort of seasoning to his soul. Since he wants his master to be at some desired flavor combinations of emotions, it is unlikely that he would tolerate changes that would undo something the demon considered beneficial towards his later repast.

That is another reason it can be hard to get into Ciel's head as some of what he does is driven by the butler's requirements rather than his own. Ciel does state what he wants to achieve. What he has to go through to get it is not necessarily what Ciel bargained for, somewhat literally.

Another side of Ciel is the further loss of people close to him. Those who should have been on his side, protecting him, became mortal enemies. This was especially true of his own aunt, Angelina Dalles. As I mentioned above, she appeared to be about to repent and possibly reconcile with Ciel when her life was ended by the Grim Reaper/Shinigami she had befriended and run with. Seeing her true motivations and thoughts in her cinematic record, Grelle Sutcliff declared her "unworthy of the color red" and claimed her jacket.

Now it could be that the shock of the events cause Ciel to forget meeting the Grim Reaper, or it could be that once away from such supernatural beings, the events tend to grow fuzzy and slip out of mind. People don't tend to handle such well. Add in the other things Ciel has been through and it isn't surprising that he might throw it all in a box in the back of the attic of his mind and label it as "do not open".

At his aunt's funeral, Ciel went against all custom at the time and ignored the idea that dressing her in white. Dressing someone in white was to prepare them for their arrival in Heaven. Instead he says she always looked best in flaming red and presents her with her own red dress. Whether this is a desire to throw away the pretense and embrace the person she really was or a revelation of her sinful nature and death at her funeral is up to debate. He didn't accuse her for he doesn't see himself as better than her. His hands are just as covered in blood. However, he chose to honor her passing as a family member that he once cared for and shed tears for her although Lizzy shed more for both of them. That loss left Ciel a little colder, more isolated, and more cynical than before.

Certainly it is easier for Ciel to escape dealing with his traumas by keeping busy and moving forward towards his ultimate goal. Yet that feels a little false. People can't run from their experiences forever. When they get overtired or overtaxed those things will come out. Likewise, trauma revisits when people do start to heal. The brain says "you're in a better place, let's process things!" So in some sense, the Green Witch arc forced him to process some of the horrors he's seen before facing more. Likewise, his trust in his other servants, particularly Finny, increases during those trials. Much of Ciel's outlook towards other people is cynical and utterly untrusting. He doesn't believe in goodness anymore or God. If people are being nice, they must be hiding other motives in his book. That's why he thinks he can be transactional with someone like Abberline and can't quite process that maybe there really are people, outside of the ones from his past like Lizzy, that are actually as good as they appear.

With the Campania/Book of the Atlantic arc, Ciel has to face his feelings towards Lizzy. There are hints of him heading towards puberty as he starts feeling more awkward around her, but doesn't know what to do with those emotions. Then he gets to find out how capable she really is and how she can protect him as much as he desired to protect her.

Protective is the primary feeling he has towards Lizzy. She is that last strong link to his past that is positive. For that reason, he's willing to do a great deal to protect her body and her feelings. That doesn't mean he's always good at it or that he's tolerant of all her actions, he's still a young boy just growing into his teens himself, but he tries hard to master his own emotions and find the words needed to be gracious to her when all is said and done. He also knows he can do nothing but let her down ultimately, so he's doing his best to do so gently that she might keep the better memories of him when he's no longer there.

By the Public School arc, Ciel has become better at hiding his true self and being ruthless in his pursuit and smooth with his lies. He learned to paste on a fake smile in the circus and has butted heads with enough adults that he has a good idea of how people work. He's not used to dealing with peers and so underestimates them just as adults underestimate him...with similar results. By the end, he has achieved a level of competence that can carry him towards his final goal.

When we arrive at the Blue Sect arc and beyond, those skills and resolve get challenged as he faces his older brother and is driven from his home and all his resources. This echoes the anime where London is burning and he is forced out and loses access to his butler for a time. His situation and limitations physically are made clear as he can hardly dress himself without help. If the manga keeps going with the theme, Ciel may have to sell off or lose the few things he's held onto such as the family signet ring and the Phantomhive cursed blue ring. This is sort of a call back to the preparation for death. A version of "you can't take it with you" where Ciel must determine what is still important as things disintegrate around him. He can't hold on to relationships nor items, nor is he supposed to. Only he can decide in the end, from a detached point of view, if his life and efforts are worth having lived at all. So we will see how the manga finishes out. This was quite a long and rambling piece that took me all day to complete. Hopefully it will give you, the reader, some insight on Ciel's inner thoughts as well as what shaped him growing up so you can read deeper into his past and story and possibly write him better or a little easier. He's troubled, secretive, and secretly still caring and trying to do what he thinks is right to a degree, while denying that he still holds any such notions dear to his heart anymore. He lies, manipulates, and lies to himself as well, but he still moves forward and embraces his mistakes and learns from them. He has no veil in front of his eyes, and hopes for nothing in his future as he attempts to fulfill a single set of goals/wishes. That's Ciel Phantomhive at this point in time. Whether he is purely mortal, some strange blend of immortal and mortal, or simply a version of Hamlet, he stands in as the wounded character faced with a tragic story that he can't stop, but he can chose how he goes out for that final bow. Let me know if you agree or disagree or see him in a different light.

[gayson-voorhees]

VIP (Very Important Prefect) collection

I’ve drawn more in the past few months than I did the entirety of last year.

These are in order and it's really funny to me to look at them and be like hey where did that artstyle come from??? this does not matter to any of you bc I never post art here so You can't tell. but this is nothing like the way I drew pre getting big into twst. I also used to struggle really heavily with drawing little things for fun?? Stuff akin to the blazing jewel thing, like I had to draw with the intention of drawing an entire thing or when I did do little stuff it was because I was really frustrated and couldn’t draw anything at all and had to try and force something out or I’d go insane. But now I’m skipping through a field of flowers under a rainbow. Art has become a real yippee activity. AND ITS ALL THAT STUPID CROW’S FAULT. Like yeh yeh I guess the way to get better at art really is to go insane about the character. Real tried and tested method. But I think this is the first time I’ve for real gotten better. My character interactions are better, their interactions with the world in general are better, my forms have more weight, I’m so much faster than I was before, I’m enjoying myself, I am simply no longer the struggler!!

I don't like the way my playful land one turned out and you can tell (Well I can tell) I was having problems with the face n stuff but it's important to me and I think that one shows more than anything else how my art changed. Very rapidly mind you. Also I like the outfit so I couldn’t just nooooot post it. My mental illness that says I must draw an outfit for every event also says i must post it actually. I have a couple more playful land/fellow stuff and HONESTLY I just need to redraw it all🧍‍♂️ I was struggling really bad with my art pre-twst and the first couple months of playing before the ability to draw again hit me like a train and so I look at the couple things I did manage to force my hands to comply with and I’m just clenching my fist bc I know I can do better.

The last one is the only for real wip on here and it’s also the one I’ve struggled the most with recently. Which is kinda antithetical to everything I’ve said about yay yippee art, but I tried to draw it and it pissed me off so bad I had to put it in the hell folder (the folder where I put things I’m so unhappy with I know they’re a dead end and I can’t look at them anymore but they’re also important to understand what I’ve done wrong so I can’t delete them) which is the first hell folder use this year! I was like “this isn’t working. what if I just made it into this instead” and then it looked bad and I was unhappy with it and it’s just not what I wanted, but thats because I had fallen into my old ways of not using my lines and simple shapes properly and getting really frustrated while drawing and trying to force it. I went back the next day new canvas and redid it from scratch perfectly first try and it’s perhaps my most favourite thing I’ve ever drawn. And I will finish it. Trust🫡 There’s a first time for everything!!!! It’s too nice and silly and cute to just leave collecting dust. Maybe I’ll even colour it oooooo

Ok What else do I have in my files.. I’ve got a second Crowley wip that I didn’t want to post bc I’ve not drawn clothes yet and it looks.hm. without them. but I’m putting off finishing it bc drawing them is going to drive me insane- and I’m having some pose problems with an arm in it and you know I’m gonna finish it at some point but I need to sit on it for a bit. BUT. it’s cute. so here’s the last screenshot if took of it.

[fantasyforbeginners]

How do you keep your characters consistent while also accounting for development and trauma? I’d always leaned on character profiles/questions to construct them, but I started running into issues when I realized I couldn’t tell what parts were the character’s actual Core, what about the character’s Core was supposed to change, and what was just an expression of those things.

This is a great question and also something I have a fair bit of background (luckily) in + experience writing! The bulk of this when discussing trauma is going to be a generalization accordingly, but researching specific kinds and/or mental illnesses (ptsd vs cptsd, did, etc). With that in mind, let's dive in:

So broadly speaking, there are two kinds of trauma:

Trauma that began in early childhood (that often reoccured, but not necessarily)

A traumatic event that took place in adulthood / formative years, but still when your sense of self was more comparatively developed

This isn't mutually exclusive, of course. I've known people where they have both and I've known people with the 2nd and not the 1st and vice versa, etc.

In many ways, trauma is a disruption of sense of self and identity (external, internal) because some sense of or appeal for safety was disrupted or violated. A character, therefore, who's experienced trauma since or in their childhood (even in a singular incident) is likely going to have a Core 'self' that is more heavily impacted by that trauma as compared to a character where it only happened like age 13 and up.

For example, a character who is very outgoing/cheerful throughout their life who then experiences a traumatic event in their 20s may become more withdrawn and cynical/angry. There could be insecurity and shame over who they've become and worry that people preferred the old them. The same character, as a result of the same event, could suppress the hell out of everything, employ toxic positivity, and take more risks with their personal safety to prove they're totally over it, right?, not less.

The Core, therefore, becomes a useful guiding tool for how a character with an identity formed independently of trauma will respond to whatever trauma(s) is introduced. If a character was already more openly emotional, maybe they're a crier; alternatively, maybe they stop visibly expressing emotions deep enough to Show a starker contrast. Both can be effective.

What can be trickier, I think, is when your character experienced trauma at a much younger age (0-10 or 12) and therefore it will have shaped their 'Core Self' much more.

I'll use my main character as an example. She experienced a traumatic event in her childhood around age 6; it left her feeling very helpless and to a degree literally powerless, as the abilities that saved her in that instance shut off/stopped working for her afterwards. This developed her personality in key ways:

Some general mistrust for adults/authority because if they couldn't protect her when it mattered, why should she blindly listen to them?

An intense of abandonment coupled with an emphasis on being self-sufficient / not needing help because receiving help is unreliable, isn't it?

A subsequent desire to prove herself and being more underhanded and resourceful (you never know what you're going to have to use to your advantage, i.e. her past abilities, compensation tools or weapons now that she doesn't have them) in order to get by

An immense fear of being powerless (helpless), which manifested as being more outwardly aggressive / wanting to come off as scarier than she is despite being a compassionate person at her core

However.... this is not the only way she could've responded to her trauma. She could've picked and then clung to a Safe Adult she trusted far too much but also resented for having her safety so precariously pinned on somebody else; she could've thrown herself into her training 110% to make herself actually Be Dangerous rather than just appearing dangerous, and be incredibly shut off from others.

What this allowed me to do, then, was to integrate a lot of her trauma into her personality by considering how she responded in particular and what traits this led to—comparing herself to and being resentful of others, her resourcefulness and independence, her mischievousness also sometimes being manipulative, her big heart and desire to belong—be competing and contradictory. It is worth noting, after all, that our biggest weaknesses are also our biggest strengths; a character trait is rarely strictly good or bad, but circumstantial. The way a character responds to trauma — hyper vigilance, for ex — can be both good and bad.

Some of this can be mitigated by grouping things into primary and secondary groupings, or by turning the circumstantial gears on. Post-trauma responses are usually about fear of losing control (of your safety, of your relationships, of yourself, etc) and can manifest in a lot of different ways. My main protagonist from above is claustrophobic, and this isn't really for any real reason within the text (symbolically, I think it works bc she hates feeling stuck/trapped or helpless). This was true before her traumatic event(s) and after. She's always been a resourceful clever little stinker (positive / neutral in circumstances) but when she feels threatened it can be outright lying and, as mentioned, underhanded methods to get what she wants (negative in certain circumstances).

I could've sworn I've talked about this upcoming thing before but I cannot find it to save my life so: sometimes it's really useful to pay attention to and listen to what your characters aren't telling you. If you have a character (or even characters) whose 'Core' and trauma are so interwoven it's hard to separate them... then maybe they're a character with a heavily impacted/traumatized Core who never got to develop outside of that. Maybe they're worried that they don't know who they are outside of the trauma or trauma responses. Maybe it's a part of their character arc.

That said: for characters where the traumatic events were later, and there was a distinguishable Before or After in their lives, it can be worth examining what central fear that trauma gave them. If it broke their trust in someone whereas before they were trusting, maybe they're more hypervigilant or defensive in their relationships; if it was their overall sense of safety, maybe they're sleep deprived and more snappish / quick to anger than they used to be.

That's all I kind of got for now without more specifics (feel free to send those in and/or any other questions on this topic or anything else)! Other posts you may be interested in are:

The difference between Character Maintenance and Character Development

Constructing Personalities

Constructing Character Arcs