#also ‘even gems take a few million years to form’ is so true. everything i’ve written i’ve harvested from the ground with my sinner hands

[m1d-45]

Fast makes trash, even gems take a few million years to form, dont rush yourself.

Trust me, if you do that, you'll never be satisfied with it.

-🥘Stew

you are so right actually. stew for motivational speaker 2023

[sapphirelycoris]

𝐿𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝐿𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠

A/N: After posting “Now That You’re Gone” part 1 and 2, I came up with the idea of letters. This does take place during part 2. It has the same ending I just cut out some of the video parts and made it a lot shorter so you don’t have to re-read the whole thing. 

This is the last “Now that you’re gone” post, I swear!

I suggest listening to “Almost is Never Enough (slowed)” originally by Ariana Grande and Nathan Skyes

Synopsis: Ushijima x fem!reader (she, her)

I made the MC write a few letters to Ushijima, only three though. One for her second and third year of high school and then one as she’s dying. I regret not having these letters in the original version but here are the last few notes to Ushijima.

Warnings: Mention of death and overall sadness. I hated putting him through this much pain and it hurt to write.

Three unopened letters sat on his table. He hadn't been strong enough to even consider opening them but maybe, because of how was currently feeling, they would make him in a better mood. Ushijima carried the envelopes over to his coffee table and returned to his original position, his head lying on the arm rest. 

She had written him a handful of letters all throughout high school and even while lying in a hospital bed, she continued to put her feelings down on paper. She asked her parents to give them to him when she died, at least if she was dead, he couldn't reject her. 

Dear Wakatoshi,

You're probably never going to receive this because I wrote these when I was bored. This is our second year of high school so maybe before we graduate, you or I will confess to one another. I am so going to burn this later. Maybe not. I can be like the girl in that one book who has multiple crushes throughout her life. I can't remember the name. Now I'm just writing down my internal thoughts. Sorry. 

Love, (Name)

Seeing that this was written in high school, he didn't get his hopes up. Her affections probably changed as she grew older. He sighed heavily, laying down the piece of paper.

Dear Wakatoshi,

It's our last year of high school! On to college and responsibilities. Joy... taxes, marriage, all that good stuff. I don’t even know how to do taxes. Anyways, I’ve always loved watching your volleyball games. I can’t wait to go see you when you’re on a professional team, you can’t forget me. I stuck right by your side for a while so you got to mention my name at least once! I’m kind of running out of ideas for this… I promised myself last year that I’d write another one this year. 

Love, (Name)

Ushijima bit the inside of his lip. He hesitated to read the last letter, it was probably filled with powerful words that described their relationship. His body froze, he was trying to process everything that she had written. Not yet. He wasn't ready for it. 

The man stared at the picture he took with her at the beach with some friends. It had been a long time since he even dared to look at it. Her smile only made the pain in his chest grow deeper. He slowly reached out for his phone with a shaky hand. Number by number, he dialed her number and pressed it against his ear as the ringer went off. Ushijima knew that she wasn't picking up, but still had hope that it wouldn't go to voicemail.

"Hey, I'm currently unavailable right now, please leave a message!" Her voice was the only thing that he wanted to hear. That sweet sound that he took for granted. Even though his eyes watered, there wasn't enough for tears. Before the beep, he hung up and switched to his photo library. He desperately scrolled up, trying to find videos with her in them.

When the videos ran out, he gave in and ripped open her last letter. Instead of just one piece of paper, it was two. Ushijima noticed that her letters or written papers were a lot more poetic than the words she spoke. She used all of her vocabulary and wrote down extremely graceful lines. More so in college when she had papers to write. This was caused by all of the high reading level books she read as a child.

Dear Wakatoshi,

Lying here in a hospital bed isn't my ideal way of spending my last days. I'd much rather go to a beautiful place like the mountains, the beach, or the woods. Preferably, you'd accompany me but your volleyball schedule is so busy. Can you imagine? Watching the sun glisten on the waves during a beautiful sunset would've been the perfect way to go. Or perhaps, sitting by a blazing fire place at night and listening to the sound of nature. That'd be so romantic. I always thought romance movies were cheesy but I guess that's because they would never become a reality for me. I hope you never find this, I want you to move on with life. Not forget about me of course but I'd rather not have you be so focused on the past that you can't concentrate on the present. Whomever you should marry, I know that they'll be good to you. She'll go to all your games, support you through hard times, listen to your concerns, do all the things I wish I could have done. 

If I walked down the aisle, would you have cried? If we had children, what would you and I have named them? I love the idea of a name that has something to do with flowers. I remember the first time you ever brought me flowers. Satori gave you the idea, didn't he? They were lovely while they lasted. When the petals started dying, I got sad. I hated having to throw them away but it's the thought that counts. Even though it was just a few of our friends and us on my birthday that year,  it was a lovely dinner. You looked so handsome in a suit! Would you have worn a suit if we got married? I would have opted for a smaller wedding, surrounded by close friends and family. To take your last name would have been a dream come true. 

Speaking of which, in the event that you do marry someone else, remember the promise you made to me? I was going to at least be the godmother of your kids. You better raise them to be good little children. They should be respectful to their parents and not be lazy. If you're up to it, maybe name one of them after me. Though I don't know how appreciative your wife would be. Be good to her, okay? I know you're a quiet person but try to understand her feelings. Don't let her walk all over you either! If she does, I'll come back from the grave to haunt her. Hopefully you have the good sense to marry someone good. Though, you are the same person who thought that the world was flat. I really hope that you don't think that anymore.

Remember that? You and I were in the library and we somehow started talking about that. Even though I used all the logic I could, I'm not sure you were convinced. You're like talking to a brick wall sometimes. I bet your mind revolves around volleyball 24/7, doesn't it? I wish I could've seen you play in the Olympics! I want you to have excellent rapport with your teammates. If you want to win, you gotta be on the same page.   

During our last year in high school, I was planning to ask you out but then I realized, I'd only weigh you down. You're like a mighty eagle too wild to tame. If I kept you in a cage, you'd get restless and fly away sooner or later. I never wanted to risk the chance of losing you. You are far too precious for me to ruin. To tell you how I felt now would be too cruel. You're one in a million and nothing in this life or any other would make me give you up. You are priceless, worth more than any diamond or gem on this Earth. Don't ever forget that either. I guess it's because you don't do this often but when you smile and let kindness show through your eyes, everything seems alright. In that moment, the world is okay. Time stops and I am solely focused on you.

Something I don't have right now is time. But if I could rewind the clock, with the knowledge I know now, I would never have waited. I would have told you how much you meant to me everyday. I would have woken up next to you every morning. Ushijima, I love you. I truly do. No one else has my heart but you. You've always been the person I love, even in death my heart is yours. 

Yours truly, (Name)

Ushijima's mouth formed a bitter smile, happy yet sorrowful. Tears rolled down the side of his face from the corners of his squinted eyes. He cupped his hand over his mouth to muffle the sounds of his sporadic breathing pattern. He violently hit the back of his head on the arm of the couch repeatedly.

His smile faltered with each gasp for air. The constricting feeling in his throat sent a numbing effect throughout his entire body. All of his emotions were confusing him, thoughts contradicted one another, and the room seemed to be spinning. Part of him wanted to calm down and regain his composure, but he also wanted to let everything out.

He just had to cave in and dig up old memories, didn't he?

[carriagelamp]

Since it’s 🍁 Canada Day 🍁 I figured I’d do the same thing I did for Pride Month and post a round up of Canadian books. Canadian literature has a tendency to be overlooked, but there’s some amazing gems out there!

That being said, this is definitely not a definitive list. There’s lot of lists out there that probably better, more relevant books. This is just a personal list as a Canadian person of Canadian lit I’ve read that stood out to me for whatever reason. I definitely encourage you though to look into some of the new Canadian novels being written write now, especially all the awesome own voice stories being written by First Nations authors across the country!

I’ve read a fair few Canadian novels over the years, so I’m going to break them up into one post of highlights each day for the remainder of the week: one for Children’s Novels / Chapter Books one for YA / Adult Novels, one for Graphic Novels and one for Picture Books.

Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery

This is like… The Canadian Novel ™ isn’t it? I imagine that even if you’ve never heard of any other Canadian novel, you’ve probably heard of Anne of Green Gables, if for no other reason than it’s been adapted a million times over. If you’ve never bothered to read the original though, I highly recommend it. Since it was written in 1908 the language is definitely old-fashioned, but that somehow makes it engaging enough to keep an adult reader hooked, while not being too difficult for a child reader who’s moved on to full length novels. It also, of course, makes a fantastic read aloud – I’ve reread this book easily a dozen times over the years since first having it read aloud to me by my mom, during which we both bawled our eyes out together.

If you somehow haven’t heard of Anne, it’s about Anne Shirley, a wildly imaginative (and just wild) orphan girl who is adopted by the Cuthberts and brought to live with them on their Prince Edward Island farm, Green Gables. The Cuthberts had originally intended to adopt a boy who could help with the farm work, but when Matthew Cuthbert finds a girl waiting for him at the train station he can’t bring himself to turn her away. And so begins the hijinks and misadventures of Anne as she grows from child to young adult.

Le Champ Maudit by François Gravel

I’ve always loved the genre of child-horror and this book absolutely delivers. The creature, vieux Nick, and the way it exists in space is delightfully chilling even as an adult. The story is about Oliver, who has often been warned by his uncle not to go into the cornfields – it makes sense after all, the cornfields are vast and uniform, it would be easy to get lost in them. Oliver has no reason to assume there’s something more sinister lurking in them, or that it could be tied to the other people who have gone missing over the years. That is, not until he makes the mistake of chasing a rabbit into the stalks one evening…

The Dragon’s Egg by Alison Baird

I was absolutely a “dragon kid” as a child, I loved any sort of dragon book I could get my hands on and I read this one over and over when I was in grade three. It’s about Ai Len who is given a lovely river stone by her father from his trip to China. Ai Len is shocked one night when, all of a sudden, she realizes that it wasn’t a stone at all, but rather a dragon’s egg. Lonely Ai Len befriends the baby dragon (who disguises himself as one of her gold fishes during the day) and helps him grow and learn as they try to figure out how he can get back home to the river his family inhabits.

Fatty Legs by Christy Jordan-Fenton and Margaret Pokiak-Fenton

Fatty Legs is the true story account of Margaret Pokiak, an Inuvialuit child who grew up with her family in the Arctic. At the age of eight, despite their reputations and her father’s reluctance, Margaret begs to be allowed to attend the Catholic residential school because there was nothing she wanted more than to learn to read. There, far from her warm, loving family, Margaret learns about the cruelties and humilities of residential school. This book is a good introduction to residential schools for young children – it shows the horrors while still keeping the story child-friendly and relatable.

The Incredible Journey by Sheila Burnford

The classic novel that inspired Disney’s film Homeward Bound. This story is about three pets – two dogs and a cat – who are left behind under the care of a family friend at an isolated cabin. These three determined pets though refuse to abandon their humans that easily. After a couple weeks of no contact, a decision is made: they will make the trek across the dangerous North Ontario wilderness in order to find their owners. This is a great animal story that genuinely feels perilous at times as these three house pets are forced to contend against the elements, wild predators, and even other humans.

Inkling by Kenneth Oppel

Kenneth Oppel is a human name in Canadian middle grade literature – not only is he a great writer, but an incredibly prolific one. If you have a middle school child in your life, consider checking out this man’s library of works because he has books that range across all sorts of different genres and topics, and they tend to be unique and gripping. They’re a staple in any Canadian school library.

Inkling is about a boy, Ethan, who is struggling with his life. His family has gone through a personal tragedy, his artist father is struggling to write a new graphic novel, and Ethan’s been entrusted with drawing the art for his school group’s graphic novel assignment, and he can’t bring himself to tell them his father’s talent wasn’t hereditary. Everything changes though, when one night, his father’s ink wakes up… This book is really heartwarming, with sweet family moments, lots of action, and an adorable ink blob that’s just trying to do its best.

My Name is Seepeetza by Shirley Sterling

Another own voice novel, this time written by West Coast Salish and residential school survivor Shirley Sterling. This novel is written like a weekly diary by six year old Seepeetza who is taken from her joyous family home and forced into a residential boarding school. While there she is forced to change her name, her language, and all the things that made her life happy and complete. Despite all this, Seepeetza finds ways to survive and still find joy. This book is written for a slightly older audience than Fatty Legs, more of a thin middle grade novel but still balances the brutal horrors of residential schools with a child-friendly narration.

The Secret World of Og by Patsy Berton

This is another Canadian children’s classic, though a much less well-known one than Anne of Green Gables. My mom read this to me and my brother in early elementary school, a chapter a night, and I remember being completely wrapped up in it and it’s strange, quirky pictures. It’s about the five Berton children who discover a strange, cavernous world hidden beneath their club house, inhabited by little creatures called Ogs.

Secrets in the Sand by Sharon Siamon

This is exactly what it looks like: a true to form Horse Girl book. There’s nothing overly special about it, but I read it this month and was charmed by it. This is technically the second book of the Saddle Island series (and she has two other Horse Girl related series as well though I haven’t read them) but for whatever reason I read the second first and actually enjoyed it more of the two. It has it all! A spunky, head-strong girl! Her best friend and annoying brother! A small, financially struggling Maritime town! A brave horse that loves the ocean and swims into underwater caves! The promise of pirate treasure! Saving The Family Farm (and rebuilding it from the ground up on a tiny island)! Want a fun mindless horse adventure? Well here it is!

Silverwing by Kenneth Oppel

I know, I know, another Kenneth Oppel book but listen… he is so prolific and also it might be a crime to do a Canadian book list and not mention Silverwing. This was a childhood staple when I was growing up, practically everyone had either read it for class, read the entire series on their own because who wouldn’t want to, or watched the weird ass TV series. Or done all three! If you haven’t read Silverwing but like animal adventure stories, this is honestly one of the peaks of the entire genre imho. It’s about Shade, a small silverwing bat that struggles with the rules and limits placed around bat colony life. He’s constantly pushing things, constantly challenging others regardless of if they’re his bullying yearmates or if they’re the clan elders. But one day, Shade takes it too far and breaks a vital law: he stayed up and saw the sun. Now the owls are determined to have Shade killed and the clan is prepared to exile him for his transgression. All this just as the clan is preparing to migrate, and Shade, with his small runty wings, ends up falling further and further behind in the storm…

Underground to Canada by Barbara Smucker

I debated whether or not to include this book, given all the BLM movements going on. This book isn’t own voice, and in the research I’ve done since becoming an adult has made me realize a number of the problems that surround it. But still, it felt wrong to leave out, both because of the social climate right now and because this was another classroom staple when I was growing up. It’s about a pair of young slave girls who are horribly abused on the planation they live on, and who eventually join in on a plot to run away, to find the rumoured “underground railroad”, a network of people who help black slaves escape captivity and escape – in this case across the border into Canada. Despite its flaws, this was a book we read in school and, through the book and classroom discussions, really introduced me to the concept of slavery and racism… and the fact that racism is still horribly alive today. It shook me as a child – it was written to be optimistic and adventurous for children, but it still had more violence and horror than I was used to in books at that age and it really shook me. So I included it in the list because, for me at least, I believe it had a positive effect on my growth as a person.

Up In Arms by Amanda Spottiswoode

This is a woefully underrated series because it really delights me. It’s about six friends, spread across two families. Though they’re from the UK, this series is all about their adventures with their uncle in Canada. Spottiswood writes children travel adventures, all set around the 1940s. The first, Brother XII’s Treasure is a treasure hunt along the West Coast during a sailing vacation; the second, The Silver Lining take them into British Columbia’s interior on cattle drive as the kids get drawn into adventures on horseback, a familiar villain, and old mining secrets. This third book I actually read before the others, and is my favourite of the series. It’s back on BC’s west coast, only this time rather than a vacation the kids of be sent to Canada because of the outbreak of WWII. You get high-flying adventure, wilderness survival, and planning a heist to help right the wrongs done to a local Indigenous community by the white settlers. It’s just a lot of fun.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Lost In Ye Sauce

I’m a sucker for a good mindf*ck. I love artsy film and auteur directors who never compromise on their vision. Films like Under The Skin, Ex Machina, Suspiria, and Hereditary hit my sweet spot effortlessly. I’ve found some of my favorite directors watching eclectic fare like that. A few years ago, i was blessed with The VVitch, the first film by a guy named Robert Eggers. it was f*cking incredible. I absolutely believe it’s a masterpiece of cinema, even if it doesn’t get the shine it properly deserves. Not only was the film, itself, amazing but it introduced me to one of my favorite actors working today; The incredibly talented Anya Taylor-Joy. She’s young but her chops are proven. Plus, she’s going to be my third favorite Marvel character, Illyana Rasputin, whenever that New Mutants movie drops. Considering The VVitch was her very first role, we have Eggers to thank for bringing this talent to our attention.

Eggers, like Ari Aster and Alex Garland, the directors of Hereditary and Ex Machina, respectively, recently released his second film; The Lighthouse. It sneaked into theaters last year amid a ton of positive buzz. I missed it in cinemas because I live in a cow town but it's on Amazon Prime now. I figure since we are all under quarantine anyway, I might as well check it out. Will this movie live up to the hype? Can it top The VVitch? Will Eggers deliver a second time? Let's get into it.

The Good

The detail Robert Eggers puts into his films is ridiculous. The way these characters speak is true to the period this film takes place. The camera technique used mirrors how film was shot back then as well. This man has a vision and he refuses to compromise on it in any capacity.

Speaking of Eggers, his direction id in fine form. I know this is only his second film but dude is proving to be a true force in Hollywood. He makes films the way Kubrick use to make films and i am here for that. I love the way this man tells his stories!

This sh*t gets going real fast with the surreal, man. Like, immediately. The imagery in this flick is some of the most f*cked up i have ever seen and not in the sense of gore or the grotesque. Everything is off and there’s an escalation to that surreal mania that was deftly executed. It;s subtle, the ramp up to sheer madness, but it’s definitely noticeable.

The atmosphere helps tremendously with this madness spiral narrative. This movie will stress you out. Sh*t happens that makes no sense and then there’s an abrupt cut to something pedestrian or mundane but then it’s right back to the crazy. you don’t get time to breathe. It’s as spastic as Uncut Gems but in a far more disconcerting way.

The sound design in this f*cking thing is absolutely unnerving. Everything sounds off or rotten. Like, all of the brass is a threat. It’s threatening. I don;t know how to articulate it correctly but i imagine it’s similar to the uncanny valley but with musical notes.

Robert Pattinson as Thomas Howard turns in an amazingly unhinged performance. This is easily the best i have ever seen him in anything. Pattinson makes you feel his descent into utter psychopathy, almost like he’s willing you to take that journey in step with him. It’s wild to think that this due is Edward Cullen because the portrayals are so different.

Willem Dafoe is Willem Dafoe. He always turns in an excellent performance but his Thomas Wake is absolutely exceptional. Dude is a cruel ass curmudgeon, intent on abusing Pattinson’s Howard, and you absolutely hate him for it. Dafoe makes it easy to resent this character so effortlessly, it’s kind of amazing.

Valeriia Karaman is wildly unnerving as the mermaid. Like, she doesn’t have any lines and her voice is dubbed over with violent dolphin screeches, but f*ck, if she was terrifying. Also, i mean, she’s gorgeous. Like objectively stunning.

Shark Vagina.

The Bad

Like i mention above, the speech in this flick is kind if ridiculous. Eggers did the same with The VVitch, which i thought was brilliant and helped craft that illusion, but it might be difficult for people to actually engage. This film is not something you just put on and check out. you have to actively watch this film and pay attention. It asks you to be present and a lot of the movie going audience can’t do that.

This film is shot in black and white. There is no color. There re no massive explosions. There is no million dollar effects work. this is a character study of isolation, madness, and the psycho-sexual brutality of the human experience. This sh*t is a legit hard watch. I can see people immediately being turned off just because of the way this film looks.

The pacing of this movie is very deliberate. I can’t say it’s plodding because it gets you to where you need rather briskly but where you need to be is usually dialogue or a static fame or a lingering shot. People are definitely going to be bored by how this film moves.

There is a rather graphic scene of animal brutality that might trigger some people. It’s necessary in service to the plot but i can see how some people could think that scene was a little too far.

The Verdict

I love this movie. I absolutely think it’s one of the best released last year and it’s a f*cking shame this flick isn't getting more shone. Look, this ain’t a Fast 9 or Bad Boys 4. This is as pure a film as you can get. It’s about the performances, not the stars. It’s about the narrative and plot, not the effects. It’s about engaging in the journey, not turning off your brain and letting the Bayhem happen to you. Literally everything that i thought might turn off people from this film is based on what i think regular moviegoers look for in a film. If you actually like movies, the craft of film making and the skill needed to tell exceptional stories, that stuff is a positive. This is the best I've ever seen of Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe is just as brilliant. The atmosphere is palpable, the sound design ominous, and the cinematography is beautiful. This movie is a work of art and a true testament to the genius of Robert Eggers. The Lighthouse definitely lives up to The VVitch. One could make the argument that this movie is better but i wouldn’t. I’m rather endeared to The VVitch because, without that flick, we wouldn’t have The Lighthouse or Eggers. This man is a talent to watch and i definitely look forward to his next film. The Lighthouse gets my highest recommendation.

[purrincess-chat]

The Girl Under the Mask CH10 (Final)

It is finished! The final chapter of my Ladrien Summer story that I started over a year ago. I hope you all have enjoyed this fluffy ride. Now that this is complete, what would you all like to see me work on next? Let me know if there is a WIP of mine that you’ve been dying to see updated, and I’ll try to work on it!

Read on AO3

Chapter 10

“Close your eyes.”

Ladybug eyed Adrien skeptically for a moment, observing his giddy smile and purposeful hands hidden behind his back. A small grin formed on her own lips, and she bit it back before doing as he’d asked. She felt him fasten something around her neck, heart skipping a beat as she felt a weight against her chest.

“Okay, open.” She blinked, finding herself looking into his affectionate eyes before she flicked her gaze down to the sparkling diamond necklace he’d placed around her neck.

“Adrien!” She gasped, eyes widening in shock. “I can’t accept this.”

“Why not?” His eyebrows furrowed.

“It’s too much. We only just started dating,” She said, closing her fist around it and glancing up into his eyes.

“But I want you to have it. I’m your boyfriend, and I can’t proclaim my love for you out in the open because we have to stay secret, so I want to do something for you.” He pouted, and Ladybug felt some of her nerves ebb.

“It’s beautiful, Adrien, and I love it. I’m just not used to receiving nice things like this,” She said, tracing her thumb over it. “Thank you, but don’t feel like you have to buy me such lavish gifts. I’m happy just spending time with you.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing a soft his to his jaw and leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Well, if I can’t buy you gifts then I will just have to tell you how much I love you a million times a day,” He said, pulling her in close. “Starting now. I love you, Ladybug.”

She giggled as he peppered her skin with soft kisses, murmuring tender expressions of affection with each one. He held her close, pressing his forehead to hers with a smile, green eyes locked on her with such unspoken adoration that she felt her cheeks warm.

“Tell me more about you,” He requested pleadingly. “I don’t care what it is; I just want to know everything.”

“My favorite color is pink,” She said, and he leaned his head back a little in thought.

“Pink, huh?” He remarked with a nod.

“Yep. I also like polka dots,” She added as they approached the couch, and Adrien pulled her down into his arms.

“A true Ladybug then.” He smirked, and she chuckled at the coincidence.

“I also love Jagged Stone,” She listed, resting her head on his shoulder.

“And Laura Nightingale apparently,” He added, pinching her side.

“Mmhm.” She nodded, biting her lip. “My favorite flavor of ice cream is strawberry.”

“Because it’s pink?”

“And delicious.” He laughed at that.

“I’m gonna buy you a big pink house one day, lovebug. We can live there together, you and me,” He said, lacing his fingers through hers.

“That sounds nice,” She sighed contently. “We can get a dog or a cat or maybe a hamster.”

“I do like hamsters.” He nodded, shifting to see her face, and she beamed up at him.

“A hamster then,” She said against his lips, eyelids drooping, but Adrien didn’t close the gap this time.

“Will you tell me who you are one day?” He asked, and her eyes fluttered open once more and found his gaze.

She considered it a moment with pursed lips. “Someday. After Hawkmoth is defeated, and it’s safe.”

“I hope you and Chat Noir beat him soon.”

“Yeah,” She whispered, averting her gaze. “Me too.”

***

Marinette leaned against her fist the following morning adorned with a dreamy smile as she swirled a spoon in her yogurt. She toyed with the necklace, turning the gem over in her fingers with a giggle. Her first gift from her boyfriend Adrien. She could get used to that. Adrien, her boyfriend, well, Ladybug’s boyfriend. In secret. But Marinette was Ladybug, so by default he was her boyfriend.

If only Hawkmoth weren’t around, she could tell him who she really was, but until they fixed Paris’s pest problem, they would have to keep meeting in secret. It was kind of exciting in a way, but it was going to be hard to keep her cool around Adrien at school. Not that she’d ever been good at it before, so he likely wouldn’t notice the difference now that she thought about it. She would just have to keep her necklace hidden. If Adrien saw it, it would be a dead giveaway, and if anyone else saw it, well, she didn’t exactly have an explanation of where she got it.

“Adrien sure knows how to pick jewelry. The diamond is so shiny,” Tikki remarked while Marinette brushed her hair.

“I know. I’m never gonna take it off,” Marinette sighed, touching it tenderly. “Can you believe he’s really in love with me?”

“All of that time together finally paid off, but how do you intend to approach him now as Marinette? All of your friends work so hard to help you get closer to him, but you can’t flirt with him as Marinette when he’s dating Ladybug,” Tikki pointed out, and Marinette smirked.

“Not gonna be a problem. Marinette always fails when it comes to Adrien, so they’ll never know the difference if I flub on purpose,” She said confidently, setting her brush down and tucking the necklace into her shirt. “Now let’s go. We’re gonna be late.”

More so than usual, Marinette couldn’t help but steal glances at Adrien throughout the day. He seemed to be in high spirits, and she felt a giddy satisfaction knowing it was because of her. She found herself touching the necklace through her shirt frequently throughout the day, and she could only imagine what things would be like when he learned the truth about her. When he began directing those adoring eyes and soft smiles at Marinette, whispering delicate expressions of love in her ears while they snuggled close together. Then in a few short years they’d be married. She wondered how Adrien would like to decorate their house.

Lost in her daydream, she didn’t notice the cart filled with basketballs until her foot caught it, and she fell forward, launching her school bag across the locker room. She sat up with a wince, rubbing her knee and hissing as pain spread under her touch. That was going to be an ugly bruise. Pink flashed in the corner of her eye, and she jumped a little, glancing up to see Adrien standing over her with her school bag.

“You okay?” He asked worriedly, offering a hand to help her up.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just wasn’t paying attention, that’s all,” She said, allowing him to pull her to her feet.

“I’ve been a bit distracted today myself,” He admitted, returning her bag, though his eyes fixated on her chest, and she glanced down to see her necklace sparkling out in the open. With a gasp, she quickly tucked it back into her shirt, daring to glance up at him. She shrank under his suspicious gaze, eyes narrowing as he pursed his lips, and she stepped to the side, attempting to pass him to get to her locker around the corner.

“Thanks for helping me up. I guess I’ll see you later,” She said stiffly, shoulders tense, and his eyes followed her every move.

“Nice necklace,” He said, stopping her in her tracks, and she turned over her shoulder to see a thinly veiled smirk on his face.

Oh no.

“Oh, uh, thanks! I got it from-” She fished for a believable excuse, but Adrien simply cocked a brow.

“From?”

“-my da-grandmo-father.” She winced, clearing her throat. “Yep. My grandpa sent it to me. It was my grandmother’s, and he found it while he was going through some stuff.”

“Your grandfather must have loved her a lot. That’s a high-quality cut, looks like a custom job. One-of-a-kind almost,” He remarked, stepping toward her, and she shrank a little.

“Uh, yeah. It was a wedding present, I think he said,” She fibbed, and he crossed his arms over his chest and nodded, pursing his lips.

“You should show it off more. I’m sure that’s what your da-grandmo-father would want,” He said, that playful glint she’d come to know all too well in his eye. “After all, he probably gave it to you because he loves you a lot.”

“Well, I don’t want it to get messed up or broken,” She said, placing her hand over it, and Adrien eyed her for a moment.

“Or seen?” He leaned down into her face, and she opened her mouth to make a retort, but his smirk made her stop short.

“I-” He cut her off with a kiss, cupping her cheek in his hand and kissing her dizzy. He’d never kissed Ladybug like that, and when he pulled away, she was breathless and flushed.

“Found you, lovebug,” He said with a breathy laugh. “You were right under my nose this whole time, and I found you.”

“Adrien-” He kissed her again, softer this time, tracing her jaw with his thumb tenderly.

“It’s you,” He said, pressing his forehead to hers. “It’s you.”

“Yes, okay, but you can’t tell anyone who I really am!” She shushed, pressing a hand over his lips. “I’m serious, Adrien. No one must know who I am.”

“I’d never do anything to betray you, Bugaboo,” He said with a wink, and she instinctively rolled her eyes.

“Don’t call me that,” She said with a groan. “And I’m not kidding. Even you knowing is dangerous. No one else can find out.”

“I won’t tell a soul, m’lady.” He vowed, pressing a hand over his heart and holding up three fingers. “Cat’s honor.”

She eyed him for a long moment, eyes narrowing, her jaw opening and closing as it sank in.

“No.” She shook her head.

“Yep.” He nodded, placing his hands on his hips proudly.

“No.” She turned abruptly and paced to her locker. “Don’t tell me that.”

“It’s only fair,” He said, shrugging his shoulders. “What am I just not gonna tell you that I’m Chat Noi-”

She clamped a hand over his mouth again, face screwed into a conflicted scowl.

“If I’m dreaming, now would be a great time to wake up.” She said, glancing up at the ceiling, but no matter how much she willed it, she couldn’t fly away, so she determined that she must be awake. “So you’ve been…him this whole time?”

“Mmhmm.” He nodded against her hand, and she threw her head back with a groan. “Are you disappointed?”

She snapped her gaze back on him, his face falling slightly, so she stepped forward and cupped his face in her hands.

“No, I’m just worried about everything now. This is dangerous, and if we aren’t careful then it’s possible that we won’t be the ones that win the battle with Hawkmoth,” She said, curling her shoulders, and Adrien placed his hand over hers, leaning into her touch.

“If there’s anyone who can pull this off, it’s us. I mean, look at everything we’ve done together. We’re an unstoppable team. Hawkmoth isn’t gonna know what hit him,” He said, lifting her chin. “We’re the cat and bug team, remember?”

A small smile curled on her lips. “You mean the bug and cat team?”

“Either way, I believe in us.” He gave her one of those adoring looks, and she felt her nerves melting.

“Okay,” She said finally. “I trust you.”

“Still love me?” He cocked a brow and kissed her hand.

“I suppose.” She rolled her eyes, flashing him one of her playful grins. “But only if you stop calling me Bugaboo.”

“I can’t help it! You’re so cute,” He defended, scooping her up and spinning her around. “Can I at least call you lovebug?”

“I guess that’s acceptable, but try to keep the bug nicknames to a minimal. You may as well tattoo ‘I’m Ladybug’ on my forehead,” She laughed, as he set her down and touched his nose to hers.

“So I take it ‘my radiant bug queen’ is out of the question?”

“Definitely.” She nodded.

“Can I call you princess? Purrincess?”

“No.”

“My angel sent from heaven?” He waggled his eyebrows, and she let out a breathy laugh.

“You’re such a dork. Why was I ever scared to talk to you?” She giggled, squishing his lips between her fingers before stretching up to kiss them. “All these months spent crushing on you from afar, but you’ve been right next to me all along. Bad puns in all.”

“Hey, first of all, my puns are purrfect. Second of all, you had a crush on me?” He asked, cooing playfully, until she pushed his nose away.

“Don’t even get me started, ‘m’lady,’” She shot back, striking her best Chat pose.

“I am ashamed of nothing,” He bowed theatrically. “I’m only ashamed that I didn’t figure out it was you sooner. I mean, it makes a lot of sense.”

“You think?” She asked, tugging on a pigtail.

“Well, yeah. I mean you’re resourceful, smart, always helping people, you’re a good leader…If I had to pick a Ladybug, I would have picked you,” He said, and she felt her cheeks flush. “That’s why when I figured it out I had no issue falling for you in an instant. You really are Ladybug with or without the mask.”

“I suppose given all I’ve seen of you in our time together that you being Chat Noir makes a lot more sense than I thought it would,” She said, shifting her weight a little. “You’re my best friend, both as Adrien and Chat Noir, and I’m really glad that you’re the same person.”

Adrien stepped closer, pulling her back into his arms and kissing her hair. They remained that way for several minutes, breathing each other in, and processing everything that had happened. That the person in their arms was a partner, a friend, and a lover. Somehow Marinette wasn’t as shocked as she should have been, but Adrien and Chat were two people she had cared about deeply prior to this, so maybe it wasn’t all that strange for her to just accept it.

“You know what this means, right?” He said after a few minutes, pulling back with one of his cheeky grins. “We can finally tell people we’re dating!”

“Yeah, I suppose we can,” She chuckled as he took her hands.

“I can kiss you in public and hold your hands. Put my arm around you and give you my jacket when you’re cold.” He bounced a little with excitement.

“You can hold me in your arms and take me out on real dates,” She said, resting her head on his chest.

“I’m really glad that it’s you,” He murmured in her ear. “I’m glad that the girl I love turned out to be someone so amazing under the mask.”

“And I’m glad that the boy I love turned out to be my best friend,” She said, stretching up to kiss him. They remained like that for several moments, wrapped in each other’s arms and lost in their own private paradise until a throat cleared at the end of the row, and they jumped apart to see their best friends standing with equally bewildered expressions.

“Are we interrupting something?” Alya asked, pressing her lips together to hide her ‘You go girl’ smirk.

“Oh, uh, sorry, we were just…” Adrien fumbled, cheeks glowing red.

“I finally told Adrien how I feel, and he feels the same way, so we’re together now,” Marinette said, taking his hand as Alya perked up.

“No way! Scoop!” Her friend cheered, clapping her hands together excitedly.

“I didn’t know you were into Marinette,” Nino said in surprise. “I mean, I’m happy for you, but you never told me.”

“Well, I didn’t think that she’d ever look at me. She’s way out of my league,” Adrien said, rubbing the back of his neck and flashing her a grin.

“Oh sure, Mr. Front-of-the-cover model.” Nino rolled his eyes.

“This is awesome! We can totally double date now!” Alya beamed. “In fact, we were just about to go get some coffee, wanna come?”

“Yeah, we’ll be right there,” Marinette said, waving as their friends headed for the door, and Adrien turned back to her and offered a hand.

“Shall we, m’lady?” He winked, and she took his hand with a smile.

“Let’s go, kitty.”

[minijenn]

Never Forever, but still Together (Reverse Diamond)

Okay, so before I start, just know that I stand by the idea that Diamond Steven is an irredeemable character. This is just a little AU possibility I thought of. Enjoy

In the deep confines of a busted and broken green ship, one little diamond couldn't do a damn thing about it.

His ship, broken. His alliances, broken. He connection to homeworld, broken. Any relationships he had managed to form, broken into so many little pieces that you'd need a microscope to see any of it.

This was truly the lowest point of the diamond.

Even lower than being half human, even lower than a pearl, even lower than the bottomless pit. That was how pathetic his existence has gotten. He couldn't even call his own life a life, it was just an existence, struggling to exist against so many things that were trying to kill him.

There was nothing in his existence worth anything. He life was worth nothing to himself, and it was definitely not worth a crap to anyone around him.

Maybe at one point, he believed that Blue Diamond needed him as much as he needed her. Maybe at one point he thought her giant, gentle touch was all the comfort that he needed, that it didn't matter how large the pain was. Maybe he thought she loved him, and that, for as much as someone like him could, he loved more than anything, more, than all the power he held in his fingertips, more than he hated the fleshbag.

He couldn't allow himself, or Blue Diamond for that matter, to live such a lie. Better to save her the pain and to take it all on his own.

Wait, their was one person who valued him more than anyone. Someone who would follow him to the ends of the earth, and he didn't even have to ask.

It was definitely the last, last, last thing the diamond had on his mind. He hurled at the very thought of such a repulsive idea. It was something he would, never in a million years, think about doing.

But, he really had no other choice. Day after day, week after week, year after year, everything he had built for himself, it all turned on him. Pain, suffering, that was his entire life, that's what he had to look forward to everyday. Every drop of blood, every scratch, every night he spent alone, that was what life had in store for him.

Turning his attention to his communication device, more specifically the primitive earth device that was given to him as a 'gift', he turned it on a dialed the only number on the phone, as well as the only one he actually had a use for knowing.

"I'm so going to regret this."

Wondering in the show tent that she's come to know as home, the malicious showgirl known as Mabel Pines starred up aimless at the 'ceiling' above her. She had no real purpose for doing so, sometimes after putting on a show and maiming a few unsuspecting members of the audience, she felt like doing nothing. She asked herself mostly meaningless questions, like why a pig goes oink and not moo, how can such fragile bodies hold in so much blood and guts, and how in the hell did her brother manage to get a girlfriend? There was just some things that would always go unsolved.

Her brother was definitely someone she rather try to forget about every day. Ever since his betrayal, he's been living at that eyesore of a temple, or living in the woods with that hippie girlfriend or whatever weird thing her parents were into. It didn't concern her in the slightest.

Her own brother didn't concern her in the slightest. Their was always a distinct divide between them ever since they were born. Her earliest memory of them together wasn't a clear one, only that it involved a lot of screaming, hair-pulling, and possibly some spilled blood. It was all her brothers fault, at least that's the story she was sticking with. Her brother, the teachers pet, the prodigy in math, literature, and magic, and the biggest buzzkill of all time.

She thought about all those nights they were alone together, all the times they were left alone, the cold, hard nights they promised to be together forever. All the times they promised to always stand together, all the times they held each other whenever one would feel lower than dirt, whenever someone would hurt them and they swore to hurt that someone back times 100. The promises made to never be weaker than anybody, to let no one control them.

She was an idiot. For the last 6 years, all he's ever done is try to control her. Ford, Dipper, they were trying to contain the fire inside. She didn't want to be a candle that that barely grazed people's skin, she wanted to be a wildfire that slowly and painfully consumed anyone that dared cross her uncontrollable path. A blazing, white hot fire that wouldn't stop until the entire world was engulfed in flames, and she would be their, standing above everyone, laughing, dominating, destroying everyone that ever..

Pfft

While in the mist of her sinister inner monologue, she had failed to notice the fire now surrounding her bed, slowly making it way up to the tent. "Great." She muttered with as must disinterest as she could. The smell of smoke soured her nostrils, making her get up from her fiery accident and made her way outside. "I can't so much as think about Dipper without something going wrong." Nothing about him concerned herself in anyway, and the next time she saw him, it will definitely be the last time, she'll personally see to that.

Before see could even think of a way to put out the fire, a ring from her phone erupted from her pocket. Curious as to why, she absentmindedly picked it up and answered. "Hello."

"Hey, so after many hours of contemplation I've decided to abandon everything that's made me who I am and give up on life." The Diamond's voice answered as clearly and bluntly as he could. Not that his tone of voice was surprising, given how very open he was when it came to his own thoughts and opinions, but to here it over the phone, and after such a devastating phone, she herself was a bit doubtful when and if they would even continue this alliance they had. "So want to come over and join me in miserable failure?"

The words coming out of the Diamond's mouth were practically alien coming from him. It was something she thought she never see, never not ever in a million years.

Her precious Diamond was asking her out!

"Yes, yes, yes!" She elatedly shouted at the top of her lungs, levitating her in the air as the fire behind began to grow more and more. She continued to ignore, as well as the screams of agony made by the dozens of people trapped inside the gift shop of the tent. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to here those words."

"That somehow makes this call even more pathetic." The Diamond sighed before abruptly hanging up on the girl. Despite the rather rude send off, the girl was to far off on cloud 9 to even care about it. Finally, after every daydream, day after stalking, pestering, after every hypnosis and mindwipe, the Diamond had finally given in to her advances. They were finally going steady after all this time.

"Nothing could make this any more perfect." She announced as she started floating away, swooning in the air, completely oblivious to the fiery mayhem that was occurring down below on her own place of business, or the fact that the blue blaze was starting to make it's way towards the town.

The green ship was just as beaten up and busted as she remembered. She didn't have a particular disdain for it being broken, it just meant she had more time to spend with her Diamond, but she at least figured he would've gotten Peridot to start fixing it about now.

Trying to straighten out her thoughts for what was definitely going to be the biggest moment of her life until her wedding day( she would forgive him for being a little late than her original plans, but love was all about compromising, and sacrifice, and doing whatever it took to make sure he was perfect), she entered the broken contraption with little effort. Not that entering his little fortress was difficult, she always managed to bypass any security measures he made to specifically keep her out. In her defense, her Diamond just had to accept that they were going to share the rest of their lives together, so that meant they had to be with each other nearly 24/7 with no secrets withheld or omitted.

In any case, the ship, which usually had one or two gems in to greet her as she came in, was nearly barren as she furthered the space machine like it was some sort of mechanical jungle. Wire and cables hung on the ceiling like wild vines, spreading everywhere from the wall to the floor, sparking electricity every few seconds. The main control room had nor doors blocking it's entrance, so passing through was easy enough.

She remembered every moment she spent here with her dear Diamond, the way his little body would sit in that high chair, being all important and cute in all the power that he had. He never let his size demote or demean the level of power and control he had. He held everything he had with pride, and strength, and a body that she could just rip..

"Focus Mabel, your fantasies will all come true after today." She controlled herself as she headed towards where she her Diamond was. Forget her Brother's betrayal, forget the many disappointment and failures that they've suffered recently, forget all the self-loathing that both were very prone to, today was all about them, and the bright, loving future they had ahead."

She headed to the control chair, where he sat in a state of depression and laziness. The smell emitting from him was enough to assume that he hadn't freshened up in quite a while, as could also be told by the still torn-up clothes he hadn't changed out of, or the big poofy puffs of hair that use to be the three spike on his head. In his hand was a glass that was filled with a thick, dark substance that smelled even worst than the Diamond.

'Okay, just got to reel him in slowly'. Just got to be subtle.' She internally thought to herself "Haha, heh, Dear Diamond, you look pathetic." She shouted bluntly, resulting in the Diamond moaning in response. 'Nailed it.' "Defeat is so not a good look on you." Mabel prided herself on how honest she was to him.

The Diamond, after standing up from his seat, continued to moan as he held his head up like it was going to roll right off. "I, appreciate your tactless approach as always." He responded once he stop waltzing his way up to the showgirl. The dizziness still had yet to wear off, as he tripped over himself and leaned on Mabel for support.

While trying to suppress the exploding happiness about to erupt, she still couldn't help but feel a bit, turned off at the sight of her Diamond at the moment. This clearly wasn't him. "What, what have you been drinking?"

An almost alien smile crept up on the Diamond's face. "It's, it's the only thing I've ever allowed myself to ingest in liquid form, that delicious beverage you keep sending me." He answered with a huge slur.

"Okay, I see what the problem is." She grabs the glass he was holding and examines it. "Yep, you've been drinking expired Mabel juice. While I'm extremely flattered and even more eager to have your babies, I think you've had a bit too much to drink." She takes a huge whiff at it. "Have you even refrigerated this stuff?"

The Diamond semi-listens to what she had said, and responds with the most appropriate answer he could muster up. "I don't know, don't know, don't know what you're talking about. I'm drinking th-that stuff because I can relate to it. It sums up my life in a nutshell." He snatches the glass away from her and drowns it all down in one gulp. "It's highly toxic, deadly, painful to endure, is known to scorch several parts of the body..." He drowned on and own with a dialogue of self pity.

"Look, Dear Diamond.." The Show girl shook the Diamond to grab his attention. "I came here because you told me to, so unless we're about to get serious right now, I think I should depart for the day." She threatened. In truth, she probably would've just sat outside the ship for about 30 minutes until she came back in, expecting to see a much more compliant Diamond that would bow down to her for showing such mercy.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on the perspective, the Diamond slapped himself in the face rather uncharacteristically, and his expression started to slowly form one that was a little more familiar to her. "You're right, I called you here because your the only one I can trust to follow through." Reaching for something that seemed to be buried somewhere in his cape, he kept his attention on Mable as he searched. "You've been like a shadow to me for this entire escapade we've been on, and I, I, I" He struggled to spit out. "..I don't think my time here would've been nearly as, 'enjoyable' as it could've been." He forced out of himself.

That seemed to be all she needed to cast away any doubt. 'Finally, it's all going to begin today'

"What I'm about to purpose is something you might find silly, and maybe a little crazy.."

"I'm already those things, my Diamond."

"It's something that will change everything..

"I'm more than willing to change for you."

"It could prove to be dangerous, even fatal to both of us.."

"Look at me my Diamond." She clenched his cheeks together as she made her point. "I am 100% committed to you. I stood by you because this is where I need to be. This is where I belong by your side, together, with you, forever."

"Than I hope your ready for this." The diamond said as Mabel closed her eyes and leaned forward. One kiss, in one quick act of love, they would officiate their love for one another and finally be able to..

"Okay, than take it." The Diamond, completely oblivious to what the girl was doing, finally stretched out his hand and held something in front of her. "In one move, you can finally end our lives as we know it."

"Yes, of course, we can finally start.." The girl paused for a moment, making her eyes pop out of her socket once she processed what the Diamond had said to her. "End, what do you.." Finally turning her attention to what the Diamond was holding.

It was the memory gun.

"I was thinking about how we were going to go about it." The Diamond mumbled on, dismissing Mabel's confusion. I figured you would shoot me first, and then you would shoot yourself.."

"But.."

"I know, I know, that seems to be a little more uncomfortable, and you'd be least likely to follow through..."

"Dear Diamond.."

"I suppose I can construct another one and we shoot each other at the same time. Of course, that'll probably take some time, and I don't want to drag this on for longer than it needs to be."

"Steven.."

"Of course, I can just set a timer on it, and we can blast ourselves like we're taking a picture. That way, we both get blasted at the same time, and there's no way for either of us to.."

"STEVEN!" Mabel was finally able to interrupt his droning. "What are you talking about, why do you have that thing with you?"

"I said I've given up on life. What did you think that meant?" He asked as if the answer should've been obvious.

"I just thought that meant you've finally soaked up the courage to ask me out, duh." She answered in a similar obnoxious tone. "But what's with the gun? Why all the drama, why bring me here why.."

"Why, why, why anything at all?" The diamond interrupts her once again with a booming voice. "Why life, why prolong it, why are we born, why do we do, why give life a purpose when we're eventually all going to die in the end? Why give in to all the chaos it subjects us to? That's the whole point of this, Mabel" Holding up the memory gun, he points it right to his head. "I've done a lot of thinking, and this, this is out only out. This is how we can end it all." His wide and tired eyes spoke even louder than his words, showing how much thought he had put into this. "If we are going to do anything that matters in the long run, then ending our lives is the only way to do it."

"Okay, okay, you are making this sound way more dreadful with the way you're phrasing this, so please stop." Mabel spoke up once more. She was use to her dear Diamond's blunt nature and disregard for subtlety, even admired it greatly, but this was a bit too much to take in at once. "And are, are you really suggesting that we erase your memories? Leave you with nothing about you"

"Not all of them, just the one's that matter the most." The diamond was quick to answer. "I've rigged it so that we'll be able to keep basic functions and currently levels of intelligence, but lose every defining moment we've had, family, friends, allies, enemies, betrayals, pleasure, pain, everything that makes life what it is. So yes, in a sense, we're going to end our lives today."

"Again, that sounds way too dreadful for you to be so happy about." She augured in slight displeasure. "And why would I want to erase my memories? How will I ever remember the people I've tortured and killed and those that I need to torture and kill later. That includes Dipper you know? Do you really want to forget how much you hate him, how much you want to squeeze the life out of him while also making Pacifica watch? Do you want to give that up."

"Mabel, as satisfying as that sounds, I've already made up my mind about this." He straightened out his posture a little, trying to stand as tall as he could. "Our lives are worthless and don't mean a damn thing to anyone, so if we're going to do anything about the crappiness in our lives, we need to..

SLAP.

The action taken next was quick, but the seconds afterword felt like hours. Neither of them could look at each other without some form of maliciousness taking over. The ends of her nails had drips of blood laced on her, and the mark made on the Diamond face was all too clear.

"You are talking crazy, even more so than usual, Diamond! She continued to speak with the growing fire inside her. "I have had my entire life, leached away by people trying to control my life, and I'm not about to let the pathetic paranoia of the only person I care about ruin what I have!"

"What, what is it about your life that makes it so damn special?!" The Diamond lashed out, ready to fire on the girl if needed to. "If I never came to this planet, if you never met me, what about your life makes it so amazing!? Answer that, and I'll be yours!" That made Mabel's eye's widen. "Yeah, if you give me one reason, than I'll forget the whole thing and be yours, unconditionally forever."

"That's not fair, you know that the only good thing about my life is you!" Mabel lashed back, igniting herself in blue flame once more. "You've actually given my life a reason to exist, I care about something now, and not just the care I had for my brother just because we live together. I have a reason to care about dominating others and subjecting them under my rule."

"Than you have no answer for me, do you?" The diamond asked confidently. "There's nothing about your life that you like, is there?"

"OF COURSE THERE ISN'T, YOU DIAMOND HEADED IDIOT!" Mabel blurted as she unleashed a fireball towards the Diamond. He hardly bothered to doge it as he let it hit him, sending him across the room. "My parents, killed before I could even I could even remember their names. My Uncles, one's an over caring idiot that that'll get himself killed and the other's a control freak that couldn't bother to adopt me the first time around with my brother!" The flames get hotter and hotter as she approached him. "And don't even mention him, that self-serving egotistical buzzkill that did nothing by my side other than use me when it was most coinvent. I don't mind being other peoples tool, but I'm not a tool that you can just cast to the side once your done with it, I'm always here, always serving others in some way, while I always end up alone!" She exploded in a blazing glory, burning her nearby surrounds, including the roof of the ship before finally dying down after taking one long breath. "Except you. You continued to use me, always found a use for me to be around." She chuckles to herself before dropping on the floor, exhausted. "Your the worst person I've ever met, and your the only one who gets me."

"Heheha, this really is pathetic, isn't it." The diamond, staying on the grounds, scoots right next to her. "We're two broken pieces that belong together, but we still remain broken. We're not complete, yet nothing else is able to fit."

The two just laid there in silence for a while, not commenting on anything, just staring at the charred remains of what was left of the ship. It was Mabel who finally broke the silence again. "What made you decide to erase your memories? I know you didn't do that on a whim."

"Heh, remember when I told you why I never look in a mirror, why I always smash one to bits every time I come across one?"

"Yeah, you said you never saw yourself, just the image of your mother, who you hate for making you." She glumly remembered. She sighed sadly. This guy really had no happiness in his life.

"I saw my reflection when I was trying to repair the ship. It was on broken meatal, but still visible." He starts to get uncomfortable at the next part. "I saw her, judging me, scowling me at every action I make. It never went away, no matter how much I pounded it or pleaded with it. So, I closed my eyes, and imagined my life if Yellow Diamond was never in the picture." He smiles a little more. "No homeworld, no Diamonds, no training, no abuse, and for the first time, I saw what was underneath everything."

"What?"

"Nothing. My entire life is nothing but the hand of Yellow Diamond stretching over me!" He shouted elatedly. "So I thought, if I rid myself of her, If I rid myself of everything that was started by her manipulations, I could start clean, no manipulations, no other forces making do what I want. Just nothing!"

"But, you'll only be nothing." She said with concern. The idea seemed to make him happy, but it was hard to understand why.

"Exactly! Humans are nothing, they go about their lives, living by morals and standards they pick out for themselves. There's nothing, no pain attached, no anything, and I'm half Diamond. I could fixate my own path that has nothing to do with Yellow Diamond. Finally, I'll be free from her.!" He finally allowed himself to breathed as he slowed down. "My whole life, I could see everything coming a mile away. I could only see pain and agony, even when I was little. But if I take this route now, I could at least forget what's ahead, no past, no present, nothing but unseen future ahead."

"Then, why me? Why do you want both of our memories taken?"

"Like I said, we're two broken pieces that somehow are able to connect." Both of the kids fell got up and stared at each other, the Diamond clearly having more difficulty doing so. "We belong to nothing else, and if I'm about to restart everything, I would rather be complete than broken alone."

Taking her hand, she rubbed it against the scarred face of the Diamond. He was way beyond his marbles by this point. Then again, she didn't exactly have any to begin with. "That may be the most crapped up thing someone's ever said to me." Both of them chuckled at the dysfunction of the situation. "But it's also the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."

"So this fall wont kill us?" Mabel said as she looked down from the height. Going through on the Diamond's desperate plan, she sat at the edge and stared out at the town. The blue blaze hadn't stopped, and had only spread across, showing no sign of stopping.

"No. There's way to much trees and foliage. They'll soften out landing before we hit the ground." The diamond explained as he set up the Memory gun. "Once the gun fires at us, whatever's left of the ship will self-destruct, and the resulting shockwave will send out disoriented bodies off the cliff and into the unknowns of the forest."

"Right, because if the explosion doesn't kill us, the many monsters and creatures that live in the woods definitely will." She said sarcastically.

"It's the only secluded spot I could find that doesn't lead back here, and once our memories are gone, I want to make sure we're as far away from the spot as possible to prevent any chance of memory recoil." He responded as he final got the gun ready and sat down beside her. "Everything's ready now. All there is to do is to wait out the timer."

"Hah, this should be fun." Both kids, sharing the same concern and uncertainty, couldn't help but look at each other. They've treated each other so horribly in the past, one more than the other. Every sign pointed in the opposite direction, they were people that should never be with each other.

But they were the only comfort the other had. They didn't have anyone one else but each other. "We're stuck in a giant crack, aren't we?" The diamond asked her. "We're stuck in the middle of a giant crack. We're either going to get out of it or fall into the darkness of it once that timer goes off."

"I guess." She shrugged with discomfort. This was far from what she had planned for today, or tomorrow, or the rest of her future. "Do you think we've could've been better if given the chance?"

"Personally, not really." He sighed sadly. "I always thought I was born broken, the cracks that formed throughout my life creating leaks that drained away whatever goodness I had inside, giving me no chance whatsoever on whatever it threw in my direction." He bluntly said with a small frown. "But I guess this whole memory erase thing's going to prove whether or not that's true.

"Life just a series of closing doors that just slams you in the face, right?" The Diamond nodded as the both stared out at the blue flame that had only now started to die down. "I guess this is goodbye."

"Not it's not, technically. Sure, when we meet again, we won't know who we are, but we'll still be together I guess, unless we decide to split up.." She spoke, bringing up a lot more holes in this plan than she meant to. "Let's just say this isn't a goobye, just a see you later." She held out her hand.

In probably the only kind gesture he's given since she's known him, he took her hand, and held it in his end. "Alright, see you lat..."

FLASH

[lynnesgalaxy]

I had so much fun writing this chapter kfgjfdlkg also i couldn’t stop thinking about the line “You don't know how long I wanted to do that, Sullivan” the whole time working on it KHDFS

Previous - First - Next

“...Carnelian,” Sphalerite gulped.

She knew what her presence here meant. For years now, the reddish gem had worked as a hunter, her explorer job no more than a mere activity she was assigned to now and then. It wouldn’t have been so bad in other cases; all hunters had to do was capture them and bring them back to Homeworld for the Diamonds to put them on trial.

However, this was Carnelian. This Carnelian. No matter the number of tricks she used to pretend to be a nice and sweet gem around others, Sphalerite knew how she really was.

Rumours often aren’t created simply out of thin air. Every now and then, there are cases in which the flames of truth are simply hidden behind of curtains of uncertainty and doubt, but they always have a reason to exist in the first place.

Man, she wished this was one of those veils hiding nothing behind, but Sphalerite knew this hid something even bigger.

Carnelian’s missions were always on her own. A simple matter of probabilities and success; through her kind-looking appearance, tricking others into submission was far more effective than being surrounded by meaner looking gems.

But for some reason, half of her missions always ended in… unexpected success. Gems giving up and deciding to shatter themselves rather than surrender, according to her. Gems who wouldn’t go out without giving a fight, ending up broken in a million pieces by accident or due to self-defense.

Sphalerite could be slow at understanding some things, but when it came to Carnelian, she had learned enough to read straight through her. There were no such things as accidents, tragic ends or sacrifices; she knew the rumours were true.

Carnelian was nothing but a sadistic gem looking to satisfy her need for power and control, killing gems for being traitors or simply because she could.

“Where- Where are they?”

Carnelian tilted her head, confused. “Who? I have no idea what you mean.”

Sphalerite gritted her teeth; from where she was, she couldn’t tell if she was sincerely telling the truth or just making fun of her. Her fists clenched; what if they weren’t even here and she had just condemned herself?

“You know,” Carnelian jumped off the ship and towards the ground, a calm smile as she admired her surroundings, “I always knew this day would come.”

Sphalerite took another step back in silence, reaching for her gem.

“I knew one day you would mess up,” the other gem continued, not caring to pay attention to her. “I knew one day you would do something so stupid, I would finally do what I’ve looked forward to all these years.

Of course, waiting until I could do so without facing consequences was really hard. But come on,” she scoffed and glared at her, “letting your gem be scanned right before stealing a ship to go towards this waste of a planet?”

Carnelian reached for her gem and pulled out her axe. She let it rest on her shoulder, mocking what Sphalerite often did with her hammer. “That’s way more idiotic than I would have expected, even from someone like you.”

Sphalerite barely had any time to take out her weapon. Carnelian jumped at her, the swung of her axe clashing against the hard, metallic sound from her hammer’s handle.

The reddish gem snickered.

Still in the air, she used the strength of the jump and kicked Sphalerite, sending her crashing towards the ground.

Fire grunted as her head hit the sand. Hell, it hurt more than she could have expected for feeling it so soft underneath her shoes. She cursed out loud when her own hammer fell on top of her torso then quickly stood up, grabbing her weapon again.

Carnelian seemed to be enjoying this far too much. Her eyes gleamed, her lips pressing together in a pleased smile that went from ear to ear. It wasn’t like the usual bickering they always engaged in: she was aiming to kill this time.

Sphalerite ducked to avoid the axe swinging towards her chest. Despite how quick Carnelian’s movements were, she felt more prepared this time and used the chance to slam the hammer against her and send her flying a few meters away, her axe dissipating in a blink of light. By now, she had already realized the outcome of this fight: no matter who won, it was clear one of them would end up poofed—if not worse. She ran towards her, aiming for another swing.

“...Pathetic,” Carnelian slowly stood up, gritting her teeth. She stumbled a step forward as her vision cleared from the hit. Seeing her coming her way, she waited until the last minute to duck and punch her stomach, launching her towards the ground.

She didn’t give the orange gem time to get up. She quickly jumped and landed with a stomp on each of her hands to restrain her movements.

“That’s as far as you get,” Carnelian summoned her weapon again and lifted it in the air, ready to strike down. “So long, Sphalerite.”

Fire closed her eyes.

Every single one of her concerns and worries raced through her mind. She never did rescue Cyel in the end; she never really proved her worth to her trainer and got promoted like she always dreamed of; she never truly mastered her own skills, despite all those years of intense training; she never proved herself to be worth of her abilities.

The sharp sound of air cutting resounded all over the area. A swift movement followed by a sharp pain deep into the middle of her chest, distracted her from her own thoughts and forced her eyes open.

But the split second before her form turned into a smoke revealed a scene far different from what she expected.

The axe was no longer in her chest. Carnelian’s eyes were wide open, but all the excitement had completely abandoned her expression. Wordless, she stared at the figure next to them as it firmly held the weapon against her own torso.

“You-!”

Then everything went dark.

[suzanneshannon]

Scott Hanselman's 2021 Ultimate Developer and Power Users Tool List for Windows

Can you believe it's been 6 years since my last Tools list? Tools have changed, a lot are online, but honestly, it's just a LOT OF WORK to do the tools list. But here's one for 2020-2021. These are the tools in my Utils folder. I made a d:\dropbox\utils folder and I added it to my PATH. That way it's on all my computers and in my path on all my computers and I can get to any of them instantly.

This is the Updated for 2020-21 Version of my 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2011, and 2014 List, and currently subsumes all my other lists. I’ve been doing this for over 17 years. Wow. I need to do better, I guess. 

Everyone collects utilities, and most folks have a list of a few that they feel are indispensable.  Here's mine.  Each has a distinct purpose, and I probably touch each at least a few times a week.  For me, "util" means utilitarian and it means don't clutter my tray.  If it saves me time, and seamlessly integrates with my life, it's the bomb. Many/most are free some aren't. Those that aren't free are very likely worth your 30-day trial, and very likely worth your money.

These are all well loved and oft-used utilities.  I wouldn't recommend them if I didn't use them constantly. Things on this list are here because I dig them. No one paid money to be on this list and no money is accepted to be on this list.

Personal Plug: If this list is the first time you and I have met, you should subscribe to my blog, and check out my podcasts, and sign up for my newsletter of Wonderful Things.

Please Link to http://hanselman.com/tools when referencing the latest Hanselman Ultimate Tools List. Feel free to get involved here in the comments, post corrections, or suggestions for future submissions. I very likely made mistakes, and probably forgot a few utilities that I use often.

THE LIFE AND WORK-CHANGING UTILITIES

"If everything was perfect, you would never learn and you would never grow." - Beyoncé

Windows Subsystem for Linux - It really can't be overstated how WSL/WSL2 has put the cherry on top of Windows 10. It runs on any build 20262 or higher as it was recently backported and it's integration with Windows is fantastic. It's also WAY faster than running a VM. Go learn more on my YouTube

Windows Terminal - Finally Windows has a modern terminal. You can run shells like Command Prompt, PowerShell, and Windows Subsystem for Linux (WSL). Its main features include multiple tabs, panes, Unicode and UTF-8 character support, a GPU accelerated text rendering engine, and the ability to create your own themes and customize text, colors, backgrounds, and shortcuts. It also includes a pseudo-console so 3rd party Terminals like hyper, conemu, terminus and more work better!

Windows PowerToys - They are back and they should be built into Windows. Install them here and get a color picker, fancy zones, file explorer addons, image resizers, keyboard manager and remapper, an Apple Spotlight-like running in the form of PowerToyrs Run, the Shortcut Guide and more!

Also check out Ueli as a great launcher/spotlight for Windows!

VS Code - Visual Studio Code is hella fast and is my goto text and code editor. I still use notepad sometimes and I'm in full Visual Studio a lot, but VS Code is like the Tesla of code editors. Check out my Favorite VS Code Extensions below.

PowerShell/OhMyPosh/PoshGit/Cascadia Code - I've had a blast this year taking my console prompt to the next level. Try these out but also look at Starship. Whatever you do, play! Don't accept the defaults!

ZoomIt - A true classic but also the answer to the #1 question I'm asked. How do you draw on the screen when you're sharing your screen? ZoomIt has been THAT TOOL in my toolbox. Really take some time and learn how to do boxes, arrows, colors and more and you'll be a more effective screen-sharer. In fact, just go get the whole SysInternals suite and put it all in your PATH.

Winget - It's apt-get for Windows. Similar to choco which I've used in the past, WinGet is going to be included in Windows 10 and has a ton of nice features. I use it to setup a machine in an hour from the command line, versus a day before doing it manually. Just add your MSA (Microsoft login) to the Package Manager Insiders Program and get it from the Store. It's bundled with the Windows App Installer. Then just "winget search <tool>" and winget install whatever!

QuickLook - Free in the Windows Store, just highlight a file in Explorer and press Space to get a preview!

Amazing .NET and Developer utilities

"Power means happiness; power means hard work and sacrifice." - Beyoncé

CodeTrack - CodeTrack is a free .NET Performance Profiler and Execution Analyzer. It works on basically every version of .NET and will give you massive insight into how your code is running! The flamegraph view is fantastic. It's free but you should donate as it's a one-person amazing app!

LINQPad - Interactively query your databases with LINQ with this tool from Joseph Albahari. A fantastic learning tool for those who are just getting into LINQ or for those who want a code snippet IDE to execute any C# or VB expression. Free and wonderful.

WinMerge - WinMerge just gets better and better. It's free, it's open source and it'll compare files and folders and help you merge your conflicted source code files like a champ. Also see Perforce Visual Merge which free and also can diff images, which is pretty amazing.

WinDbg - Low-level and classic but also new and fresh! WinDbg (Wind-bag?) is now in the Windows Store with ALL NEW VISUALS and more!

Insomnia and Nightingale are great alternatives to Postman for doing REST APIs!

NuGet Package Explorer - This app allows browsing NuGet packages from an online feed and viewing contents of the packages

WireShark - What's happening on the wire! WireShark knows!

GitHub Desktop - Gits, ahem, out of the way! Watch my Git 101 on YouTube!

Useful Windows Utilities that should be built in

"I love my job, but it’s more than that: I need it" - Beyoncé

Ear Trumpet - Fantastic advanced volume control for Windows! If you have ever wished that volume on Windows could turn their UI up to 11, Ear Trumpet is that app.

Teracopy - While I use the excellent built in copy features of Windows 10 the most, when I want to move a LOT of files as FAST as possible, nothing beats TeraCopy, an app that does just that - move stuff fast. The queue control is excellent.

AutoHotKey - This little gem is bananas. It's a tiny, amazingly fast free open-source utility for Windows. It lets you automate everything from keystrokes to mice. Programming for non-programmers. It's a complete automation system for Windows without the frustration of VBScript. This is the Windows equivalent of AppleScript for Windows. (That's a very good thing.

7-Zip - It's over and 7zip won. Time to get on board. The 7z format is fast becoming the compression format that choosey hardcore users choose. You'll typically get between 2% and 10% better compression than ZIP. This app integrates into Windows Explorer nicely and opens basically EVERYTHING you could ever want to open from TARs to ISOs, from RARs to CABs.

Paint.NET - The Paint Program that Microsoft forgot, written in .NET. It's 80% of Photoshop and it's free. Pay to support the author by getting the Windows Store version AND it will auto-update! It's only $7, which is an unreal value.

NimbleText - Regular Expressions are hard and I'm not very smart. NimbleText lets me do crazy stuff with large amounts of text without it hurting so much.

Markdown Monster - While I love VSCode, Markdown Monster does one thing incredibly well. Markdown.

Fiddler - The easy, clean, and powerful debugging proxy for checking out HTTP between here and there. It even supports sniffing SSL traffic.

NirSoft Utilities Collection - Nearly everything NirSoft does is worth looking at. My favorites are MyUninstaller, a replacement for Remove Programs, and WhoIsThisDomain.

Ditto Clipboard Manager - WindowsKey+V is amazing and close but Ditto keeps pushing clipboard management forward on Windows.

TaskbarX - It literally centers your Taskbar buttons. I love it. Open Source but also $1 in the Windows Store.

If you really want to mess with your Taskbar, try Taskbar Tweaker.

ShellEx View - Your Explorer's right click menu is cluttered, this can help you unclutter it!

OneCommander and Midnight Commander and Altap Salamander - As a long time Norton Commander user (google that!) there's a lot of great "reimaginings" of the Windows File Explorer. OneCommander and Altap Salamander does that, and Midnight Commander does it for the command line/CLI.

WinDirStat - A classic but still essential. What's taking up all that space? Spoiler - It's Call of Duty.

Also try SpaceSniffer!

FileSeek and Everything - Search it all, instantly!

I like Win+Share+S for Screenshots but also check out ShareX, Greenshot, and Lightshot

For animated Gifs, try screen2gif or LICEcap!

Alt-Tab Terminator - Takes your Alt-Tab to the next level with massive previews and search

PureText - PureText pastes plain text, purely, plainly. Free and glorious. Thanks Steve Miller

I still FTP and SCP and SFTP and I use WinSCP to do it! It's free or just $10 to get it from the Windows Store and support the author!

VLC Player - The best and still the best. Plays everything, everywhere.

PSReadline - Makes PowerShell more Bashy in the best way.

Yori and all Malcolm Smith's Utilities - Yori is a reimagning of cmd.exe!

Visual Studio Code Extensions

"I use the negativity to fuel the transformation into a better me." – Beyoncé

There's a million great Visual Studio Extensions. The ones I like won't be the that ones you like. But, go explore.

GitLens - Glorious. Just makes Git and VS a joy and adds a thousand tiny lovely features that will make you smile. You'll wonder why this isn't built in.

Version Lens - Do you have the latest package versions? Now you know

CodeSnap - Screenshots specifically tailored to make your code look nice.

.NET Core Test Explorer - Makes unit testing with .NET on VS Code so much nicer

Arduino for VS Code - The Arduino extension makes it easy to develop, build, deploy and debug your Arduino sketches in Visual Studio Code! So nice.

Coverage Gutters - This amazing extension highlights what code is covered with Unit Test and what's not. Ryan is looking for help, so go see if this is a great OSS project YOU can get started with!

Docker for VS Code - Container explorer and manager and deployer, directly from VS

GitHistory - Another nice add-on for Git that shows your Git Log

HexDump - I need this more than I would like to admit

LiveShare - Stop screen-sharing and start code and context sharing!

PowerShell for VS - A great replacement for the PowerShell ISE

Remote Containers - This is an AMAZING EXTENSION you have to try if you have Docker but it has a horrible non-descriptive name. But must be seen to be believed. Perhaps it's "Visual Studio Development Containers," I'm not sure. Open a folder and attach to a development container. No installs, just you debugging Rust, Go, C#, whatever whilst installing NOTHING. Amazing.

Remote SSH - Another in the VS Remote Family of Extensions, this one lets you use any remote SSH Server as your development environment.

Remote WSL - Edit and debug and build code from Windows...using Linux!

And finally, Yoncé, my current VS Code theme. Beyoncé inspired.

Things I enjoy

“We all have our purpose, we all have our strengths.” – Beyoncé

RescueTime - Are you productive? Are you spending time on what you need to be spending time on? RescueTime keeps track of what you are doing and tells you just that with fantastic reports. Very good stuff if you're trying to GTD and TCB. ;

Carnac - This wonderful little open source utility shows the hotkey's you're pressing as you press them, showing up as little overlays in the corner. I use it during coding presentations.

DOSBox - When you're off floating in 64-bit super-Windows-10-Pro land, sometimes you forget that there ARE some old programs you can't run anymore now that DOS isn't really there. Enter DOSBox, an x86 DOS Emulator! Whew, now I can play Bard's Tale from 1988 on Windows 10 in 2021! Check out Gog.com for lots of DOSBox powered classics

Oh yes, and finally Windows Sandbox - You already have this and didn't even know it! You can fire up in SECONDS a copy of your Windows 10 machine in a safe sandbox and when you close it, it's gone. Poof. Great for testing weird tools and utilities that some rando on a blog asks you to download.

Sponsor: IDC Innovators Report: Multicloud Networking--Read the latest from IDC and discover one of the premier platforms addressing the rise of multicloud architectures and cloud-native apps. Download now.

© 2020 Scott Hanselman. All rights reserved.

      Scott Hanselman's 2021 Ultimate Developer and Power Users Tool List for Windows published first on https://deskbysnafu.tumblr.com/

[philipholt]

Scott Hanselman's 2021 Ultimate Developer and Power Users Tool List for Windows

Can you believe it's been 6 years since my last Tools list? Tools have changed, a lot are online, but honestly, it's just a LOT OF WORK to do the tools list. But here's one for 2020-2021. These are the tools in my Utils folder. I made a d:\dropbox\utils folder and I added it to my PATH. That way it's on all my computers and in my path on all my computers and I can get to any of them instantly.

This is the Updated for 2020-21 Version of my 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2011, and 2014 List, and currently subsumes all my other lists. I’ve been doing this for over 17 years. Wow. I need to do better, I guess. 

Everyone collects utilities, and most folks have a list of a few that they feel are indispensable.  Here's mine.  Each has a distinct purpose, and I probably touch each at least a few times a week.  For me, "util" means utilitarian and it means don't clutter my tray.  If it saves me time, and seamlessly integrates with my life, it's the bomb. Many/most are free some aren't. Those that aren't free are very likely worth your 30-day trial, and very likely worth your money.

These are all well loved and oft-used utilities.  I wouldn't recommend them if I didn't use them constantly. Things on this list are here because I dig them. No one paid money to be on this list and no money is accepted to be on this list.

Personal Plug: If this list is the first time you and I have met, you should subscribe to my blog, and check out my podcasts, and sign up for my newsletter of Wonderful Things.

Please Link to http://hanselman.com/tools when referencing the latest Hanselman Ultimate Tools List. Feel free to get involved here in the comments, post corrections, or suggestions for future submissions. I very likely made mistakes, and probably forgot a few utilities that I use often.

THE LIFE AND WORK-CHANGING UTILITIES

"If everything was perfect, you would never learn and you would never grow." - Beyoncé

Windows Subsystem for Linux - It really can't be overstated how WSL/WSL2 has put the cherry on top of Windows 10. It runs on any build 20262 or higher as it was recently backported and it's integration with Windows is fantastic. It's also WAY faster than running a VM. Go learn more on my YouTube

Windows Terminal - Finally Windows has a modern terminal. You can run shells like Command Prompt, PowerShell, and Windows Subsystem for Linux (WSL). Its main features include multiple tabs, panes, Unicode and UTF-8 character support, a GPU accelerated text rendering engine, and the ability to create your own themes and customize text, colors, backgrounds, and shortcuts. It also includes a pseudo-console so 3rd party Terminals like hyper, conemu, terminus and more work better!

Windows PowerToys - They are back and they should be built into Windows. Install them here and get a color picker, fancy zones, file explorer addons, image resizers, keyboard manager and remapper, an Apple Spotlight-like running in the form of PowerToyrs Run, the Shortcut Guide and more!

Also check out Ueli as a great launcher/spotlight for Windows!

VS Code - Visual Studio Code is hella fast and is my goto text and code editor. I still use notepad sometimes and I'm in full Visual Studio a lot, but VS Code is like the Tesla of code editors. Check out my Favorite VS Code Extensions below.

PowerShell/OhMyPosh/PoshGit/Cascadia Code - I've had a blast this year taking my console prompt to the next level. Try these out but also look at Starship. Whatever you do, play! Don't accept the defaults!

ZoomIt - A true classic but also the answer to the #1 question I'm asked. How do you draw on the screen when you're sharing your screen? ZoomIt has been THAT TOOL in my toolbox. Really take some time and learn how to do boxes, arrows, colors and more and you'll be a more effective screen-sharer. In fact, just go get the whole SysInternals suite and put it all in your PATH.

Winget - It's apt-get for Windows. Similar to choco which I've used in the past, WinGet is going to be included in Windows 10 and has a ton of nice features. I use it to setup a machine in an hour from the command line, versus a day before doing it manually. Just add your MSA (Microsoft login) to the Package Manager Insiders Program and get it from the Store. It's bundled with the Windows App Installer. Then just "winget search <tool>" and winget install whatever!

QuickLook - Free in the Windows Store, just highlight a file in Explorer and press Space to get a preview!

Amazing .NET and Developer utilities

"Power means happiness; power means hard work and sacrifice." - Beyoncé

CodeTrack - CodeTrack is a free .NET Performance Profiler and Execution Analyzer. It works on basically every version of .NET and will give you massive insight into how your code is running! The flamegraph view is fantastic. It's free but you should donate as it's a one-person amazing app!

LINQPad - Interactively query your databases with LINQ with this tool from Joseph Albahari. A fantastic learning tool for those who are just getting into LINQ or for those who want a code snippet IDE to execute any C# or VB expression. Free and wonderful.

WinMerge - WinMerge just gets better and better. It's free, it's open source and it'll compare files and folders and help you merge your conflicted source code files like a champ. Also see Perforce Visual Merge which free and also can diff images, which is pretty amazing.

WinDbg - Low-level and classic but also new and fresh! WinDbg (Wind-bag?) is now in the Windows Store with ALL NEW VISUALS and more!

Insomnia and Nightingale are great alternatives to Postman for doing REST APIs!

NuGet Package Explorer - This app allows browsing NuGet packages from an online feed and viewing contents of the packages

WireShark - What's happening on the wire! WireShark knows!

GitHub Desktop - Gits, ahem, out of the way! Watch my Git 101 on YouTube!

Useful Windows Utilities that should be built in

"I love my job, but it’s more than that: I need it" - Beyoncé

Ear Trumpet - Fantastic advanced volume control for Windows! If you have ever wished that volume on Windows could turn their UI up to 11, Ear Trumpet is that app.

Teracopy - While I use the excellent built in copy features of Windows 10 the most, when I want to move a LOT of files as FAST as possible, nothing beats TeraCopy, an app that does just that - move stuff fast. The queue control is excellent.

AutoHotKey - This little gem is bananas. It's a tiny, amazingly fast free open-source utility for Windows. It lets you automate everything from keystrokes to mice. Programming for non-programmers. It's a complete automation system for Windows without the frustration of VBScript. This is the Windows equivalent of AppleScript for Windows. (That's a very good thing.

7-Zip - It's over and 7zip won. Time to get on board. The 7z format is fast becoming the compression format that choosey hardcore users choose. You'll typically get between 2% and 10% better compression than ZIP. This app integrates into Windows Explorer nicely and opens basically EVERYTHING you could ever want to open from TARs to ISOs, from RARs to CABs.

Paint.NET - The Paint Program that Microsoft forgot, written in .NET. It's 80% of Photoshop and it's free. Pay to support the author by getting the Windows Store version AND it will auto-update! It's only $7, which is an unreal value.

NimbleText - Regular Expressions are hard and I'm not very smart. NimbleText lets me do crazy stuff with large amounts of text without it hurting so much.

Markdown Monster - While I love VSCode, Markdown Monster does one thing incredibly well. Markdown.

Fiddler - The easy, clean, and powerful debugging proxy for checking out HTTP between here and there. It even supports sniffing SSL traffic.

NirSoft Utilities Collection - Nearly everything NirSoft does is worth looking at. My favorites are MyUninstaller, a replacement for Remove Programs, and WhoIsThisDomain.

Ditto Clipboard Manager - WindowsKey+V is amazing and close but Ditto keeps pushing clipboard management forward on Windows.

TaskbarX - It literally centers your Taskbar buttons. I love it. Open Source but also $1 in the Windows Store.

If you really want to mess with your Taskbar, try Taskbar Tweaker.

ShellEx View - Your Explorer's right click menu is cluttered, this can help you unclutter it!

OneCommander and Midnight Commander and Altap Salamander - As a long time Norton Commander user (google that!) there's a lot of great "reimaginings" of the Windows File Explorer. OneCommander and Altap Salamander does that, and Midnight Commander does it for the command line/CLI.

WinDirStat - A classic but still essential. What's taking up all that space? Spoiler - It's Call of Duty.

Also try SpaceSniffer!

FileSeek and Everything - Search it all, instantly!

I like Win+Share+S for Screenshots but also check out ShareX, Greenshot, and Lightshot

For animated Gifs, try screen2gif or LICEcap!

Alt-Tab Terminator - Takes your Alt-Tab to the next level with massive previews and search

PureText - PureText pastes plain text, purely, plainly. Free and glorious. Thanks Steve Miller

I still FTP and SCP and SFTP and I use WinSCP to do it! It's free or just $10 to get it from the Windows Store and support the author!

VLC Player - The best and still the best. Plays everything, everywhere.

PSReadline - Makes PowerShell more Bashy in the best way.

Yori and all Malcolm Smith's Utilities - Yori is a reimagning of cmd.exe!

Visual Studio Code Extensions

"I use the negativity to fuel the transformation into a better me." – Beyoncé

There's a million great Visual Studio Extensions. The ones I like won't be the that ones you like. But, go explore.

GitLens - Glorious. Just makes Git and VS a joy and adds a thousand tiny lovely features that will make you smile. You'll wonder why this isn't built in.

Version Lens - Do you have the latest package versions? Now you know

CodeSnap - Screenshots specifically tailored to make your code look nice.

.NET Core Test Explorer - Makes unit testing with .NET on VS Code so much nicer

Arduino for VS Code - The Arduino extension makes it easy to develop, build, deploy and debug your Arduino sketches in Visual Studio Code! So nice.

Coverage Gutters - This amazing extension highlights what code is covered with Unit Test and what's not. Ryan is looking for help, so go see if this is a great OSS project YOU can get started with!

Docker for VS Code - Container explorer and manager and deployer, directly from VS

GitHistory - Another nice add-on for Git that shows your Git Log

HexDump - I need this more than I would like to admit

LiveShare - Stop screen-sharing and start code and context sharing!

PowerShell for VS - A great replacement for the PowerShell ISE

Remote Containers - This is an AMAZING EXTENSION you have to try if you have Docker but it has a horrible non-descriptive name. But must be seen to be believed. Perhaps it's "Visual Studio Development Containers," I'm not sure. Open a folder and attach to a development container. No installs, just you debugging Rust, Go, C#, whatever whilst installing NOTHING. Amazing.

Remote SSH - Another in the VS Remote Family of Extensions, this one lets you use any remote SSH Server as your development environment.

Remote WSL - Edit and debug and build code from Windows...using Linux!

And finally, Yoncé, my current VS Code theme. Beyoncé inspired.

Things I enjoy

“We all have our purpose, we all have our strengths.” – Beyoncé

RescueTime - Are you productive? Are you spending time on what you need to be spending time on? RescueTime keeps track of what you are doing and tells you just that with fantastic reports. Very good stuff if you're trying to GTD and TCB. ;

Carnac - This wonderful little open source utility shows the hotkey's you're pressing as you press them, showing up as little overlays in the corner. I use it during coding presentations.

DOSBox - When you're off floating in 64-bit super-Windows-10-Pro land, sometimes you forget that there ARE some old programs you can't run anymore now that DOS isn't really there. Enter DOSBox, an x86 DOS Emulator! Whew, now I can play Bard's Tale from 1988 on Windows 10 in 2021! Check out Gog.com for lots of DOSBox powered classics

Oh yes, and finally Windows Sandbox - You already have this and didn't even know it! You can fire up in SECONDS a copy of your Windows 10 machine in a safe sandbox and when you close it, it's gone. Poof. Great for testing weird tools and utilities that some rando on a blog asks you to download.

Sponsor: IDC Innovators Report: Multicloud Networking--Read the latest from IDC and discover one of the premier platforms addressing the rise of multicloud architectures and cloud-native apps. Download now.

© 2020 Scott Hanselman. All rights reserved.

      Scott Hanselman's 2021 Ultimate Developer and Power Users Tool List for Windows published first on http://7elementswd.tumblr.com/

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Lost In Ye Sauce

I’m a sucker for a good mindf*ck. I love artsy film and auteur directors who never compromise on their vision. Films like Under The Skin, Ex Machina, Suspiria, and Hereditary hit my sweet spot effortlessly. I’ve found some of my favorite directors watching eclectic fare like that. A few years ago, i was blessed with The VVitch, the first film by a guy named Robert Eggers. it was f*cking incredible. I absolutely believe it’s a masterpiece of cinema, even if it doesn’t get the shine it properly deserves. Not only was the film, itself, amazing but it introduced me to one of my favorite actors working today; The incredibly talented Anya Taylor-Joy. She’s young but her chops are proven. Plus, she’s going to be my third favorite Marvel character, Illyana Rasputin, whenever that New Mutants movie drops. Considering The VVitch was her very first role, we have Eggers to thank for bringing this talent to our attention.

Eggers, like Ari Aster and Alex Garland, the directors of Hereditary and Ex Machina, respectively, recently released his second film; The Lighthouse. It sneaked into theaters last year amid a ton of positive buzz. I missed it in cinemas because I live in a cow town but it's on Amazon Prime now. I figure since we are all under quarantine anyway, I might as well check it out. Will this movie live up to the hype? Can it top The VVitch? Will Eggers deliver a second time? Let's get into it.

The Good

The detail Robert Eggers puts into his films is ridiculous. The way these characters speak is true to the period this film takes place. The camera technique used mirrors how film was shot back then as well. This man has a vision and he refuses to compromise on it in any capacity.

Speaking of Eggers, his direction id in fine form. I know this is only his second film but dude is proving to be a true force in Hollywood. He makes films the way Kubrick use to make films and i am here for that. I love the way this man tells his stories!

This sh*t gets going real fast with the surreal, man. Like, immediately. The imagery in this flick is some of the most f*cked up i have ever seen and not in the sense of gore or the grotesque. Everything is off and there’s an escalation to that surreal mania that was deftly executed. It;s subtle, the ramp up to sheer madness, but it’s definitely noticeable.

The atmosphere helps tremendously with this madness spiral narrative. This movie will stress you out. Sh*t happens that makes no sense and then there’s an abrupt cut to something pedestrian or mundane but then it’s right back to the crazy. you don’t get time to breathe. It’s as spastic as Uncut Gems but in a far more disconcerting way.

The sound design in this f*cking thing is absolutely unnerving. Everything sounds off or rotten. Like, all of the brass is a threat. It’s threatening. I don;t know how to articulate it correctly but i imagine it’s similar to the uncanny valley but with musical notes.

Robert Pattinson as Thomas Howard turns in an amazingly unhinged performance. This is easily the best i have ever seen him in anything. Pattinson makes you feel his descent into utter psychopathy, almost like he’s willing you to take that journey in step with him. It’s wild to think that this due is Edward Cullen because the portrayals are so different.

Willem Dafoe is Willem Dafoe. He always turns in an excellent performance but his Thomas Wake is absolutely exceptional. Dude is a cruel ass curmudgeon, intent on abusing Pattinson’s Howard, and you absolutely hate him for it. Dafoe makes it easy to resent this character so effortlessly, it’s kind of amazing.

Valeriia Karaman is wildly unnerving as the mermaid. Like, she doesn’t have any lines and her voice is dubbed over with violent dolphin screeches, but f*ck, if she was terrifying. Also, i mean, she’s gorgeous. Like objectively stunning.

Shark Vagina.

The Bad

Like i mention above, the speech in this flick is kind if ridiculous. Eggers did the same with The VVitch, which i thought was brilliant and helped craft that illusion, but it might be difficult for people to actually engage. This film is not something you just put on and check out. you have to actively watch this film and pay attention. It asks you to be present and a lot of the movie going audience can’t do that.

This film is shot in black and white. There is no color. There re no massive explosions. There is no million dollar effects work. this is a character study of isolation, madness, and the psycho-sexual brutality of the human experience. This sh*t is a legit hard watch. I can see people immediately being turned off just because of the way this film looks.

The pacing of this movie is very deliberate. I can’t say it’s plodding because it gets you to where you need rather briskly but where you need to be is usually dialogue or a static fame or a lingering shot. People are definitely going to be bored by how this film moves.

There is a rather graphic scene of animal brutality that might trigger some people. It’s necessary in service to the plot but i can see how some people could think that scene was a little too far.

The Verdict

I love this movie. I absolutely think it’s one of the best released last year and it’s a f*cking shame this flick isn't getting more shone. Look, this ain’t a Fast 9 or Bad Boys 4. This is as pure a film as you can get. It’s about the performances, not the stars. It’s about the narrative and plot, not the effects. It’s about engaging in the journey, not turning off your brain and letting the Bayhem happen to you. Literally everything that i thought might turn off people from this film is based on what i think regular moviegoers look for in a film. If you actually like movies, the craft of film making and the skill needed to tell exceptional stories, that stuff is a positive. This is the best I've ever seen of Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe is just as brilliant. The atmosphere is palpable, the sound design ominous, and the cinematography is beautiful. This movie is a work of art and a true testament to the genius of Robert Eggers. The Lighthouse definitely lives up to The VVitch. One could make the argument that this movie is better but i wouldn’t. I’m rather endeared to The VVitch because, without that flick, we wouldn’t have The Lighthouse or Eggers. This man is a talent to watch and i definitely look forward to his next film. The Lighthouse gets my highest recommendation.

[beerandwinereviews2016]

Best Homebrewing & Beer Brewing Books

It doesn’t matter if brewing beer is a hobby reserved for the weekends or if it’s your actual chosen profession, if you want to get better and improve the quality of your beer, you’re going to need to be a student. Like with any hobby, if you want to get better and continue to grow, you need to always be learning and consuming as much information as you can. Luckily for us beer brewers, there is no shortage of information on the Internet. A quick Google search for “how to brew beer” will yield literally millions of results and you’ll be inundated with blogs, videos, magazines, and websites all talking about the best way to brew. However, if you’re more old school like us, you may want to take a look at some of the classic homebrew literature that’s been helping beer fanatics brew at home for years.

  Types of Homebrewing Books

General Beer Brewing Books

You may be asking yourself why you would want to pay for a book when this information is freely available online? Well, while all of these free resources are certainly a great thing, for some people it can lead to a bit of information overload. After all, everyone has a different opinion and their special process, so for someone just starting out, it can be hard to decide what brew method to follow. One of the best ways to avoid this is finding a good book on homebrewing that has stood the test of time. There are a ton of books that are widely loved and talked about by homebrewers. They usually go through many editions and are updated over the years to include new tech, recipes, and opinions so you always know you’re current with what’s happening in the world home brewing.

  These books are also incredibly well written, well thought out and include great illustrations and visuals guides. This makes them great gifts for either yourself of the homebrewer in your life.

  Specialized Homebrewing Books

Most homebrewing books are going to thoroughly cover the basics from the ground up, but at some point, you may want to specialize. By specializing, you can not only deepen your knowledge of beer and brewing in general, but also dive further into one style of beer, or even the history of brewing. Beer brewing in the United States has a really interesting history, and if you want to go further back, there are books on brewing in ancient times that are fascinating as well. If history isn’t your thing, some books included on this list are comprised of award-winning recipes that are a great supplement to a more step-by-step guide. No matter what you’re looking for, there are just some things that can’t be found online in a concise fashion that are reserved for the printed form.

  Now that we’ve got that sorted out, let’s take a look at 5 of my favorite homebrewing books.

  The Complete Joy of Homebrewing Fourth Edition: Fully Revised and Updated

The Complete Joy of Homebrewing Fourth Edition: Fully Revised and Updated

The Complete Joy Of Home Brewing

Ten Easy Lessons For Making Your First Batch Of Beer

Brewing with Malt Extracts for an Unlimited Range of Strengths and Flavors

View on Amazon

The Complete Joy of Homebrewing is the first book about brewing beer that I ever owned and is probably the most well-known book on the list. It has been purchased alongside more homebrew kits

than times I’ve thought about beer, and it’s been updated several times (it’s currently in its 4th edition) keeping it as current as ever. In this book, you will find everything you need to know to brew beer at home from beginning to end. This includes tasty beer recipes (more than 53 in total), beautiful charts on all different types of hops (I refer to this frequently), tips and tricks about fermenting, what you need to know when putting together a beer kit and much more. What really makes this book so great is that all this info is coming straight from Charlie Papazian, one of the absolute masters of brewing beer!

  If you can only buy one book on this list, make it The Complete Joy of Homebrewing. It really is an essential guide to understanding brewing and beer in general. As we mentioned above, it makes a great gift for someone that loves brewing, or as an add-on to a homebrew kit.

  How to Brew: Everything You Need To Know To Brew Beer Right The First Time

How to Brew: Everything You Need To Know To Brew Beer Right The First Time

Brewers Publications

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Like many homebrewers out there, How to Brew was the second book I purchased after Charlie Papazian’s seminal work. What I love about this particular book is that many of the techniques and

equipment recommendations come from years of trial and error and honing in on what works best. In many ways, this is the best basic book out there in that it is written in a very linear fashion. You can begin with extract beers and then move onto using specialty grains in addition to extract, then graduate to all-grain brewing while incorporating your own recipes and personal beer style. This book can take you on the brewing journey and provide all the information you need along the way.

  The level of detail in this book has a way of meeting you where you are in terms of your homebrew knowledge. The information ranges from the very basics of beer brewing like how to sanitize your equipment properly and why it’s important, too much more technical subjects like the chemistry of water and water temperature and how it will impact your beer. Even the most advanced homebrewer can learn something from this book. For example, for many years I was almost exclusively an extract and specialty grain brewer, and never completely understood the ins and outs of all-grain brewing. But after purchasing this book, I felt like I knew everything I needed to know and was able to brew my very first batch completely from scratch. Even though it was nothing too exotic, it was a landmark in my homebrewing career and this book will always hold a special place in my heart because of it.

  Mastering Homebrew: The Complete Guide to Brewing Delicious Beer

Mastering Homebrew: The Complete Guide to Brewing Delicious Beer (Beer Brewing Bible, Homebrewing Book)

Chronicle Books

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Randy Mosher is an internationally recognized beer-brewing master, and with his years of knowledge, he has created one of the most thorough guides to the craft of homebrewing. This book is a

great addition to any brewer’s library, no matter how new or advanced they are. One of the things I love most about this book is how it’s written. Where other books can be wordy and complex, Randy writes in a way that feels like your buddy is just talking to you about brewing beer. The instructions are actually fun to read and the book is loaded with great graphics and illustrations that make more complex brewing processes and techniques easy to grasp.

  With more than 30 great recipes, this book outlines the step by step process you can use to achieve wonderful beer. You’ll learn about what ingredients to use, as well as the best equipment for mashing, bottling, sampling, and serving. This is one of the books I like to recommend if someone needs just one reference manual for brewing. It doesn’t matter if they are a total newcomer or have been brewing their own beer for a few years. Unlike other books, Mosher’s takes a more scientific approach and explain why you take certain steps, but does so in an approachable and easy to understand manner.

  Homebrew Beyond the Basics: All-Grain Brewing and Other Next Steps

Homebrew Beyond the Basics: All-Grain Brewing & Other Next Steps

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This is probably the most visually rich book on the list and features dozens of great photos that accompany guides to making everything from all-grain beer to more advanced mashing techniques

and malt selection. It also dives into some more unique aspects of homebrewing like water chemistry whirlpool hopping, brewing beer with fruit, collecting yeast in the wild and kegging beer. Because of this, beyond the basics is a great supplemental book to a more traditional guide.

  Having brewed beer for over a decade, I can safely say I wish I had found this book many years earlier. It clarifies a lot of points and lessons that I had to learn the hard way. While there is value in that experience, this book would have saved me some time and money. Another cool part of this book is the experiments that Mike documents that you won’t find anywhere else. Two that come to mind are using different mash temperatures and sparges to produce different results in the finished beer. It’s little gems like these that make this book a solid addition to any homebrewing library.

  Brewing Classic Styles: 80 Winning Recipes Anyone Can Brew

Brewing Classic Styles: 80 Winning Recipes Anyone Can Brew

Paperback book

80 award winning recipes

Great reference for the home brewer

View on Amazon

Jamil Zainasheff is an absolute legend in the homebrewing world and has won many competitions since he started competing in 1999. In his brewing career, he has brewed every style of beer that is

recognized by the Beer Judge Certification program, placed well in the National Homebrew Competition and has collected more than 20 best-of-show awards. So if anyone is qualified to author a book of great beer recipes, it’s Jamil.

  What makes this book awesome is the fact that you know no matter what recipe you’re looking at it, it’s a time-tested winner that has won judges over in competition. A lot of brewers will get their recipes online which can be OK, but you really have no way of knowing the quality of it. With Brewing Classic Styles, you can be sure that the recipe is fine-tuned and created by a true master of the craft. This book is very straightforward and with each recipe, Jamil includes notes about the particulars of brewing in that style. As an added bonus, each extract recipe is listed for every beer recipe. Jamil’s book is great if you already have a thorough brewing guide, and want to take your brewing to that next level.

  Our Final Thoughts

Hopefully, you found something on our list that looks interesting as we tried to include something for everyone. If we missed your favorite book, let us know in the comments!

from Beer Wine & Moonshine https://ift.tt/3dGNmjW via IFTTT https://ift.tt/302cVbq

[rose-photoblog]

Copy of How to prepare for the best wedding photos: True confessions of a portrait perfectionist!

Dear Diary,

Hi I’m Rose and I’m a Portrait Perfectionist! As I begin to share more about the process that drives me and my team of real life, professional wedding and portrait photographers, I am really excited to dig into offering up many ‘best practices’ in a variety of areas to help ensure you receive the best wedding day photos, ever! And now that Rose Photo is also offering video, what better way to share the methods we use in creating perfect media than to give a few #bestpractices so you can ensure your wedding day photos and video are stunning and totally true to your love story!

TIP 1 : TIMELINE

As type A as you may ( or may not be), I have found over the past 12 years in the wedding world that an extra curated timeline that helps to prioritize your priorities, can be super helpful; after all, it is your wedding!

Planning for enough time to gracefully and gently move through the wedding day as you wake up and begin to get ready is key to arriving at your ceremony calmly and excited for the party ahead.

If you can guide the start time of your ceremony later than earlier, this frees up so much more time for time with your people as the day starts, beautiful getting ready photos, and maybe even a first look!

TIP 2. HIRE PROFESSIONALS

This may seem like an absolute no brainer but we can’t say it enough! From your trial updo for your wedding day hair through your wedding planner, your ‘I do Crew’ should be made up of serious pros!! One of our extremely helpful dream team favorites is a bridal dresser.

A bridal dresser can assist you with the transport, storing, displaying, dressing, buttoning, zippering, bustling, unbustling, bustling again and keeping that train on full display, amongst many other Wedding Industry tricks!

He or she is undoubtedly also very attentive to detail and will rest your qualms about dress dealings, back boob, bustle blunders and a million and one other things we’ve seen and things they’ve fixed! Pair their fashion eye with our camera eye and you won’t even know they were there.

TIP 3. TO FIRST LOOK OR NOT TO FIRST LOOK

Ok let’s break down the first look, shall we?? There are generally two camps for the First Look.

Camp A: ‘Heck yes let’s do first look and ugly cry in that cute way together, privately and have Rose + Co perched in the stairwell, treetop, rafters, or atop a nearby cab car! That would be so sweet and then we can take fun photos with our crew around the area before the ceremony even starts and maybe even knock out family formals, too’!!

Camp B: ‘Hmmm, well both of our families are SUPER traditional and we aren’t sure if we really want to see each other beforehand. Maybe it’s bad luck? Maybe I’m just really old fashioned? Either way we really just want to keep it real and walking down the aisle will be the magic!!’

Whichever camp you are in is totally cool. Again, it is your day! From my experience over the past dozen years, I will say this: If you are on the fence, planning for more time for just the two of you is never, ever a bad idea. The wedding will zoom by in a snap and whilst it is so key to celebrate with all your amazing pals you’ve brought together for the occasion, a few minutes here and there with just the two of you, #priceless!

My crew and I are actually photo ninjas so you won’t even know we are there. And, if you choose to stick to the isle for the eye contact experience of a lifetime, we will be sure to follow all the rules of the altar and swing from only the strongest chandeliers to get that first emotional look!!

Think about it and in the meantime, enjoy Nina + Jim’s picture-perfect first look brought to by two photo ninjas and one video sansei.

TIP 4. LOCATION!! LOCATION!! LOCATION!!

Much like a prime timeline, locations for the best wedding photos ever are very important. Quite literally they are the backdrop to create next-level portraits of you, your boo and your entire wedding crew.

Now let’s say your wedding party is just the two of you and you are super low key, private and maybe don’t even want that many photos. PERF!! We will dial up the best, most intimate little spots, en route and dodging traffic to get you to your party on time, even if you make a later appearance ;)

Now let’s say your wedding party is 12 people on either side, 4 flower girls, two ring bearers man, a mini labradoodle and a cockatoo!? OK we can work with that, too!! Buttttt, we would highly suggest a separate set of transportation of the children and animals. Just saying!!

Either way, we need wide-open spaces where everyone fits, can form a ‘Flying V’ ( I still dream in Mighty Ducks speak and Ducks fly together, ok!?) and also have the opportunity to set up the penultimate cover shot I know you are dreaming of with your entire possé!

TIP 5. DON’T FORGET THE DETAILS

Shiny is the new…everything! I’ve confessed this in other RP Diary Entry and I promise to be buried in a pile of sparkle or at least be shot from a canon in the midst of a glitter bomb! But that’s just me ;)

The point I’d like to share here is the details of your day, whether they are shiny, matte, lacey, velvet or whatever your hearts desire, the little details deserve as much limelight as they can get. If you have all your goodies together in one beautiful, big day box, we can be sure to give each item it’s own mini fashion shoot, promise!

You can start from the ground up and build your detail box from your shoes, onto your **unmentionables**, to your jewelry, hair accessories, and even your fab sunnies! Of course, it goes without saying any family heirloom or VIP piece of shiny gets bumped up the shot list. Keeping that previously suggested timeline in mind, we love to have about 30 minutes or so with all the good props of your fabulous wedding style to get those detail shots. Carve out a few more minutes for us and we get to comb the venue for amazing decor and architectural shots, too!

TIP 6. POSED BUT NOT TOO POSEY

I honestly catch myself saying this line almost every, single day! ‘We direct you naturally!’ Meaning, I will ask you and your bridal party to line up with a general directive, ‘Dresses over here! Suits over there!’ and then give people a minute to find their way to a spot.

Here’s where it gets fun- I sorta glaze over in a stare and figure out how everyone would stand if I didn’t tell them how to stand a certain way and just adjust their attire, flowers, chin, sunglasses, red solo cup…you get the idea! Once we have a comfortable but distinguished looking crew in front of the RP lens, we get snapping. As mentioned, I’m always on the lookout for that Vanity Fair cover shot!

I also like to make sure there is an equal amount of candid photos or, candies as we love to call them! My very favorite yet ultimate cheesy directive to give is literally ‘LOL!’ I sometimes even scream it!! And people, naturally, LOL bc WTF is our wedding photographer doing right now?! Getting your best side, that’s what she’s doing, baby!!

TIP 7. SEEING EYE TO EYE ON VISION

When you are looking to hire your wedding photography and video team that will seamlessly produce the best documentation of your love story, be sure to track them on all the outlets where you can find their work.

Ask to see their vision through and through if it does not stand out initially to you. Requesting website links to weddings shot in your wedding venue, work showing your preferred florist or hairstylists’ creations, or even having worked in very specific lighting conditions is a great way to see that the crew you hire shares your aesthetic and vision for the exact end result you would will love to review for years to come.

Websites are great places to dig into once you’ve found your way out of the Instagram rabbit hole. Almost true story: we actually live in IG land and only venture out of our phones for weddings !! Really though, we do spend a lot of time curating our Rose Photo feed to reflect our most recent projects including our couples’ anniversary shout outs, new members of families and of course, we get super excited for our wedding to be featured publications both online and in print!

Our Rose Photo + Video web experience contains even more photo gems and video tear-jerkers to show our vision through and through. We often get asked to send specific links we can reference back to our URL and even other vendors that share our same vision of wedding day perfection.

TIP 8. MAKE SURE YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER GETS YOUR STORY {MY FAVE POINT}

How did you two meet? When did you get engaged? Do you live together? Where’s your favorite spot on a sunny afternoon to hang out? Are you so excited for all the fan fair or would you rather not be the center of everyone’s attention for the day? These are key points for your photo and video team to know about you so they can see you best.

I’ll just say it: I’m downright nosy! love to get into your business about your love story. The more details I know and can share with my team on your coming together, the better the output of good, juicy moments. I mean it. It’s real.

It’s our job to tell your love story with multimedia tools, pro tricks, and secrets of the trade. I endlessly fall in love with my job over and over again; I tend to cry at almost all my weddings and I promise it is not out of sheer exhaustion. Weddings inspire and energize me because it’s a love story and I’m a big old, hopeful romantic.

Even as our RP team of storytellers grows to include more trained photojournalists and videographers, portrait perfectionists, and image creators, I get to keep dreaming up big shots for the best wedding day experience for our couples so we can tell that love story seamlessly.

I hope this entry was helpful and if you’d like to hear tips from other areas of wedding daydreams, drop me a note! I would love to hear from you.

I’ve got to get back to my tripod as I set up the next perfect portrait!

love,

Rose

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Retribution Fails

by Dan H

Saturday, 26 June 2010

Dan did not like Retribution Falls~

A little personal history: the original title and subtitle for this article were “Still Up In the Air – Dan Hemmens is ambivalent about Retribution Falls.”

Then over the course of writing this article, I came to realise that while I really enjoyed reading the book (I finished it in two sittings over two days), in retrospect I found large parts of it cheap and annoying, and found myself increasingly unable to defend its hideous gender-fail. I also found out that this thing had been shortlisted for the Arthur C. Clarke award which made me frankly despair, because if this is the best SF has to offer then the genre really is fucked.

So yes, this started out more balanced than it ended up. Short version: the book is quite fun, extremely faily, and not all that well written. Judged as a low-investment romp, it’s alright. Judged as a nominee for a prestigious award, it needs to be killed with fire.

Oh, and spoilers, for those that care.

Anyway, Chris Wooding's Retribution Falls is generally billed as a “steampunk western” although as recent discussions here at FB show, neither term is really well enough defined for this label to have much meaning. Speaking personally, I didn't get much of a western vibe from it, but that's possibly because Kyra and I have been neck deep in Deadwood and therefore I have trouble getting the real “Western” feel from something where people aren't yelling “cocksucker” every two minutes. Or it could be the fact that since it's primarily set onboard a ship, and concerns itself almost exclusively with pirates, it fits more into “pirate” than “cowboy” in my personal cataloguing system. Although actually this is all so much pettifogging since the whole distinction between “fantasy,” “steampunk,” “western,” and “pirate yarn,” can be neatly avoided by treating the whole thing as part of that (now obsolete) genre the “adventure story”.

So yes, Retribution Falls is an adventure story. It concerns the crew of the airship Ketty Jay as they develop from a ragtag group of ne'er do wells into a properly formed and fully functioning crew.

The crew (who are all neatly introduced by means of in-character introductions to one of the viewpoint characters in chapter two) are as follows: Darien Frey, hot lothario captain; Pin, stupid pilot; Harkins, cowardly pilot; Silo, silent technician and obligatory brown person; Malvery, the drunken doctor; Crake, the tormented daemonist and Jez, the new navigator who is also, for what it's worth, the only woman on board. I'm pretty sure I've remembered everybody, and if I've forgotten anyone they're probably highly forgettable.

I'm going to come back to gender issues in a bit, but I'm going to start by pointing out that having one female character out of seven is the worst possible option. Zero out of seven, and you have a setting in which women don't fly airships, which is absolutely fine. Put in exactly one, and you suddenly have a society where women are apparently perfectly accepted on the setting equivalent of the Spanish Main, but never the less you've only got one in your crew. Zero is a better number than one in this situation is all I'm saying.

But like I say, I'll come back to this later.

Anyway, the crew are hired to board another aircraft and steal a cask of gems, for which they will be paid fifty thousand ducats. This too-good-to-be-true job offer turns out (surprise surprise) to be too good to be true. Which results in the crew blowing up an airliner and having to go on the run from both the legitimate military (the “Coalition”) and a variety of scoundrels and bounty hunters that want to hand them over to various interested parties.

So far, so swashbuckling, and it is indeed about sixty percent rollicking good fun. Unfortunately it's then twenty percent tedious exposition, ten percent sloppy writing, ten percent sexism.

Anyway, where to begin:

You Can't Take the Sky From Me

A lot of comparisons have been made between Firefly and Retribution Falls, and this might be a good time to say that much as I find Whedon annoying, and as much pleasure as I take in questioning the man's uber-feminist image it's worth admitting that he does about a million times better than a lot of other writers out there. Sure, Mal Reynolds may have a rampaging case of nice-guy syndrome, and might treat Inara like dirt, but by comparison to Wooding, Whedon deserves every Equality award he's ever got. Which is good, since he's clearly going to keep on getting them.

But I digress.

Superficially, Retribution Falls is a lot like Firefly. It's even got an on-the-run aristocrat with a girl in a box. Structurally, however, it's a lot more like Lost or Heroes.

I'm going to digress again. One of my favourite things about Heroes is the fact that I once read an interview with Tim Kring, in which he admitted that he neither knew nor cared about the history of the superhero genre, and that his main inspiration for Heroes was the way in which Lost (and here I confess to paraphrasing) cynically manipulated its audience by doling out tiny pieces of information about members of its large ensemble cast over the course of the series. He just thought that this was a fantastic structure for a TV show.

Retribution Falls works very much the same way. The first three or four chapters are taken up with fast-paced introductions to the cast, which more or less go like this:

“Hello, I see that bullet wound you had healed mysteriously fast”

“Yes, it is, mysterious isn't it?”

“I know, I noticed it because of something that happened in my past”

“Your past? Gosh, might there be something mysterious about it?”

“Why yes, you'll find that most members of the crew have something mysterious about them.”

“Wait, we've just heard news that we're being followed by the dread pirate Trinica Dracken!”

“The dread pirate Trinica Dracken you say! Gosh, mysteriously I think the captain may have some kind of connection to her, in his past. His mysterious past.”

“Gosh how mysterious!”

It's not quite that bad. But it's almost that bad. Although it's not necessarily that bad that it's that bad, because this really does make the whole thing quite readable. Yes it's shoddy and manipulative, but the thing about shoddy, manipulative tricks is that they work. Show me a character with a mysterious past, and I'll be unable to put the book down until I've either found out what that mysterious past is, or convinced myself that I'm never going to. Therefore if you give me seven characters, each with their own mysterious past, and give me the background on one every four chapters then you can pretty much guarantee that I'll be reading until one in the morning.

Of course the downside of this kind of strategy is that in-the-moment readability comes at the cost of after-the-fact satisfaction. Few and far between are the occasions on which I've discovered a character's secret backstory and not found it some combination of trite, predictable, and implausible. It's like popcorn, utterly compelling but at the end all you're left with is a faint cardboardy aftertaste.

Structure and Story Issues

The book is certainly readable, and mostly fun, but there are times when it bogs down in tedious exposition. This would be bad enough if it was just your classic “as you know, your father, the King...” dialogue, although there is an awful lot of it – people in this world seem to spend an inordinate amount of time having conversations in which they explain the basic causes and consequences of wars that happened a couple of years ago, the equivalent of people in the real world saying “of course after the Al-Quaeda bombings in 2001, the American government launched a series of military actions throughout the Middle East, beginning by attacking the Taliban who at that time were in control of Afghanistan...” over their morning coffee. Unfortunately, as

other reviewers

have pointed out, the same principle is applied to little things like character development.

The key offener here is Darien Frey himself, the vagabond captain of a vagabond crew, guiding his motley band of reprobates to high adventure on the open skies. The emotional thrust of the book, such as it is, involves Frey learning to take responsibility for his role as captain, and to learn respect and affection for his crew (and perhaps for other people in his life as well).

The problem with this is that our only insight into Frey's emotional state is what the book tells us Frey's emotional state is. We are told early on that he does not value his crew, and that he considers himself a bit of a loser. We are told later that he does value his crew, and that he's pretty much okay with himself, and has accepted the responsibilities that come with his position as captain. The problem is that – with the exception of a couple of clearly signposted set-pieces - we see no appreciable change in his behaviour, or even his attitude. The man who leads his crew the a doomed attempt to plunder the Ace of Skulls at the start of the book is not discernibly different from the one who spearheads the attack on Retribution Falls at the end. Both ultimately involve Frey risking his ship and his crew, without their knowledge or consent, in pursuit of a large reward which he has little reason to expect receiving. The fact that the first attack is doomed and the second succeeds has everything to do with narrative structure and nothing to do with Fray's leadership choices.

To put it another way, Frey spends the first half of the book chiding himself for his selfishness, indolence, and pisspoor leadership skills. By the end of the book he has stopped chiding himself for all of these things, but has failed to show any actual change in his behaviour. Which creates the impression that all of his growth and development over the course of the book has served only to make him less self-aware.

A

member of the twitterati

sums this up all very succinctly as “The Heavy Handed Adventures of Captain Uttercock”.

In many ways, the book reminded me of

The Last Five Years

. I spent so much of the book going “this guy is a cock, am I supposed to think this guy is a cock, I must be supposed to think this guy is a cock, but nobody else seems to think this guy as a cock except his psycho bitch exes, but this guy is clearly a cock...” that it wound up being remarkably intrusive. I had no problem with the other unsympathetic characters (Grayther Crake the daemonist, for example, is clearly a judgmental asshole, but he's obviously supposed to be a judgmental asshole so I understand how I'm supposed to react to him) but with Frey I always felt like my perception of his flaws was always slightly to one side of the author's perception.

For example, the book opens with Fray and Crake captured by a gang lord (here Wooding gains points for starting with some action, and loses them immediately for having the action be completely unrelated to the rest of the story). The Gang Lord threatens to kill Crake unless Fray gives him the ignition codes to the Ketty Jay. Fray of course refuses, and Crake has a massive chip on his shoulder about this throughout the whole book. Then later in the book, Trinica Dracken (evil pirate bitch-queen – incidentally I'm using the word “bitch” a lot in this review, for reasons that should become clear later) captures them again, and makes the same threat, and this time Fray gives her the codes, thus causing a big sign to appear saying THIS IS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.

That particular element would have been more effective but for two things. Firstly, it was so telegraphed it lost all its impact – Crake spent the entire freaking book saying “hey Frey if that EVER HAPPENS AGAIN you'd better give over the damned codes, m'kay.” Secondly, refusing to give up the codes was absolutely the right decision.

Consider. You are being held captive by a psychotic bastard who is only keeping you alive because you have information they want. Your only chance of survival is to not give them the damned information. If you do give them the information, chances are they'll kill all of you anyway. In this situation, giving up the codes is certainly understandable, but it's also completely stupid.

This was broadly the interpretation I was assuming the Doctor was driving at when, after Crake complained that the captain almost let him get killed, the Doctor insisted that no, Frey was a good man who would never let his crew down. I thought, in fact, that they were going for a kind of Mal Reynolds effect – making the captain good but not nice, the kind of man who would always do the right thing, even if that meant letting somebody die for the good of the ship.

Turns out this wasn't what they meant at all. Clearly, giving up the codes to the psychotic maniac was supposed to be the right decision, which is why it's CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT when Frey does it later, so when the Doctor says he's a good man he just kind of means – I'm not sure. That he might be a selfish, whiney, borderline amoral dickhead but at least he wasn't actively malicious?

The only reading I can really support for Frey's character development over the book – as in the only reading which I think the author and the text expect you to take away from it – is that Frey is a good man deep down, but lacks the confidence to act on that goodness. He is, I think, supposed to be afraid of getting too close to people and it is that fear which we are supposed to see as his great weakness, not the fact that he chooses to act on that fear by treating people really unacceptably badly. To draw yet another comparison which will require me to link my own articles, it's rather like Tanis Blacksword in

Banewreaker

- Tanis as you might recall murdered his wife in a jealous rage, and perhaps I'm being a prude, but to my mind the key problem here is not the fact that he flew into a jealous rage, but the fact that while he was in it he murdered his freaking wife.

Wooding seems to be under the impression that Darien Frey is a good man who sometimes allows his insecurities to get the better of him, and seems to see the book as chronicling his battle to overcome those insecurities. I read Darien Frey as a gigantic asshole, who sometimes uses his perfectly forgivable insecurities as an excuse to treat people like shit.

Women

Probably the most illustrative example of this dissonance in Frey’s personality is in his reaction to his ex-fiancée, Trinica Dracken.

We are first introduced to Trinica as a terrifying pirate, a ruthless, ass-kicking queen of the skies. We learn fairly early on that she has some kind of connection to Frey, and I initially had high expectations for their reunion. To fully explain the reasons behind this, I’m going to have to go into some detail about Frey’s behaviour up to this point, so bear with me.

Throughout the book it has been clear that Frey has a history of treating his romantic partners like dirt. It is clear also that part of the reason he treats his romantic partners like dirt is that gorgeous women constantly throw themselves at him. Not only throw themselves at him, but throw themselves at him and actually fall in love with him, and then stifle him with their smothering girlness.

For example, when Jez – the new navigator – shows up in chapter two, Frey observes that he’s glad she isn’t too attractive, because if she was he’d “be obliged to sleep with her.”

How exactly is the causality supposed to work on this one? Does he mean that if she was more attractive he would want to sleep with her, in which case it wouldn’t be an obligation really, would it? Or does he mean that if she was more attractive she would want to sleep with him? In which case what, does he think that unattractive women don’t have libidos? (I suspect the answer to that last question is probably “yes” actually). At the time I took the most charitable reading, which is that this is evidence of Frey being a self-deluding cock who isn’t capable of owning his sexuality, and that over the course of the book he would come to realise this.

Then about halfway through the book, he has to infiltrate an Awakener (think Catholicism meets Scientology) stronghold in order to find one of his many former conquests and – if you’ll pardon the phrase – pump her for information. It’s a single sex institution and he spends most of the time while he’s infiltrating the building fantasising about all the nubile, sex-starved young women he’ll find in here. I’ll say here that I actually found his fantasising perfectly reasonable, because again I read it as evidence that Frey is a bit of a prick, and was quite pleased when it became clear that his infiltration wasn’t going to end in spankings and baby-oil.

Then he meets his ex (whose name I shall look up when I get home), who kicks him in the head (because she r strong wimminz!) and has a go at him for leaving her in a nunnery for two years, despite having promised that they’d always be together. Frey then has this long, self-justifying internal monologue about how you had to lie to women because if you didn’t they’d only go and find somebody who did lie to them (because you see women want a man who says he’ll be with them forever, and men just want sex, and there is no overlap whatsoever – no men are interested in commitment, no women are interested in straight-up fucking) and that it therefore wasn’t his fault. Then of course he lies to her again, they have sex and she tells him everything he wants to know, and he promises to come back for her which he of course has no intention of doing. But you have to lie to women, so that’s okay.

So anyway, by the time Trinica Dracken shows up on the screen Frey’s pick-up-artist bullshit is wearing pretty thin. Up to this point, however, I was honestly expecting Trinica Dracken to turn the whole thing on its head. I was expecting this to be the one relationship in his whole sorry past that had actually been a partnership of equals, a woman who instead of clinging to him with doe-eyed devotion had been strong and confident in her own right, whose relationship with Frey had been tempestuous and remarkable. I expected the love of Frey’s life to be a woman who had a ship of her own, a crew of her own and a life of her own. It wouldn’t have justified his acting like a dickhead ever since, but it would at least have explained it. I know that this strays into the realms of

counter-factual criticism

but my intent here isn't to say “Trinica Dracken should have been different” but rather “I had a number of false impressions about what Trinica Dracken would be like, that led me to read all the sexist bullshit in the book more favourably than I might have otherwise.”

Here, for what it is worth, is a summary of what Frey's relationship with Trinica Dracken is revealed to have been like:

Trinica Dracken was the daughter of a wealthy industrialist for whom Frey worked. When they were both in their late teens, they fell in love. Trinica was a lovely sweet girl with long hair who wore white dresses, Frey was much as he is now. Eventually, the relationship had gone wrong. Here is Frey's description of it:

In the early months he'd believed they'd be together forever. He told himself he'd found a woman for the rest of his life. He couldn't conceive of meeting someone more wonderful than she was, and he wasn't tempted to try. But it was one thing to daydream such notions, and quite another to be faced with putting them into practice. When she began to talk of engagement, with a straightforwardness he'd previously found charming, he began to idolize her a little less. His patience became less. No longer could he endlessly indulge her flights of fancy. His smile became fixed as she played her girlish games with him. Her jokes all seemed to go on too long. He found himself wishing she'd just be sensible

Okay, leaving aside for the moment that Frey's analysis of what went wrong with his relationship boils down to “the bitch wouldn't keep her mouth shut” note that here his dissatisfaction with Trinica stems simultaneously from (a) the fact that he starts to see that she isn't the perfect fantasy figure he thought she was (he “idolizes her less” which in sane-person world is a good thing in a relationship) and (b) the fact that she still displays many qualities of the fantasy figure he wants her to be (her “girlish games” and her “flights of fancy”). You've got to feel sorry for the girl, because I seriously don't know how she was supposed to please this arrant cocksucker.

It gets worse. Obviously Frey takes the sensible and mature attitude to being in a relationship with somebody for whom you feel manifest contempt, which is to agree to marry her, get her pregnant, and leave her at the altar. He does, of course, admit that this was sub optimal. Here is his magnanimous and painful admission of culpability, which represents a significant moment in his growth and maturation:

His love for her had been the most precious thing in his life, and she'd ruined it with her insecurities, her need to tie him down. She'd made him cowardly. In his heart he knew that, but he could never say it.

This? Seriously Chris Wooding? This is Frey's big moment of self-realization? That he was wrong to let her make him stop loving her? Not, say, wrong to be an emotionally abusive asshole? Or that he was wrong to abandon his pregnant girlfriend on their wedding day? Oh no, his great fault, his great flaw, is that she made him cowardly?

A fairer man might point out at this stage that Trinica does at least call him on this, the fact that he's always blaming his problems on everybody else. The problem is he doesn't stop doing it, but the book treats him like he has.

Anyway, Frey abandons Trinica, leaving her pregnant in a world where, it is strongly implied, a woman who has a child outside wedlock is basically ruined. This results in Trinica attempting suicide, which results in her having a miscarriage. Which results in Frey spending the next ten years hating her for murdering their child.

Of course here again, Frey has a Big Character Development moment, when he realizes that while he is totally justified in hating Trinica, because she totally did murder their child, he has to accept that he is also partly responsible for her murdering their child, because he allowed her to make him cowardly, so that when she attempted suicide (which, let us be clear, was also cowardly) he didn't get back in time to save the day.

To put it another way, Darien Frey's character arc ends with him confronting a woman who he emotionally abused to the point at which she tried to kill herself, and forgiving her for it.

Up until his reunion with Trinica, Frey comes across as a feckless, self-absorbed cock. His interactions with his former love, far from making him more sympathetic, instead reveal him to be a judgemental asshole. He accuses her of murdering their child – an accusation neither Trinica nor the text challenges. He calls her a coward for attempting suicide – an accusation which the text treats as factual. And of course he has a great deal to say about her appearance:

Her skin was powdered ghost-white. Her hair – so blonde it was almost albino – was cut short, sticking up in uneven tufts as if it had been butchered with a knife. Her lips were a red deep enough to be vulgar

Ironically, of course, this actually makes her sound totally awesome (although where the fuck does he get off judging her choice of lipstick – I'm sorry Darien, is your ex not looking virginal enough for you? Well fuck you you misogynistic shit). But just in case we don't get that her new badass look is bad m'kay we get the following exchange during their next meeting:

”How'd you get this way Trinica?” he said. He raised his head and gestured at her across the gloomy study. “The hair, the skin...” he hesitated. “You used to be beautiful.” “I'm done with beautiful,” she replied

Because of course after she attempted suicide (sorry, I mean “murdered her unborn child” - her life is not, after all, important here) she tried to run away on an airship, but she was captured by pirates who gang raped her. And of course she responded to that by making herself UGLY. Because it is made very clear in the text that She Was Raped Because She Was Beautiful. Incidentally, despite being “through with beautiful” she still wears lipstick, and apparently a particularly vulgar shade of it, if Frey is any judge. I can't be sure, but I'd have thought if you were going down the “I shall make myself ugly so people won't rape me” route you'd avoid lipstick entirely. Then again, maybe Wooding knows something I don't.

And of course Frey's reaction to the whole thing is:

He didn't pity her. He couldn't. He only mourned the loss of the young woman he'd known ten years ago. This mockery of his lover was his own doing. He had fashioned her, and she damned him by her existence.

So ... your ex girlfriend, the former love of your life shows up, and tells you that she's spent the better part of the last ten years getting beaten and raped by a series of pirate crews until she'd eventually clawed her way into a position where she finally had a modicum of security, and all you care about is the fact that she's no longer the innocent little girl you fell in love with? The innocent little girl who you fell in love with but also treated like shit, wanted to get rid of, impregnated and abandoned? You can't spare one second to think about anything except how her present situation reflects on you.

Die in a fire you smug, self-centred little fuckstain.

Umm, there's a fair amount more fail in the book, but I'm really not sure I can go on. Suffice to say that the only other female characters in the book of any significance are Jez the navigator, whose contribution to the climactic confrontation is to whore herself out to a mid-ranking Naval officer (and she doesn't even get to do it on page) and Bess, the golem that Crake created out of his eight year old niece, who he stabbed to death while possessed by a daemon. Crake occasionally angsts about allowing the crew to use Bess (who it is strongly implied can feel pain) as portable cover in firefights. This does not stop him from doing it repeatedly.

Fantasy Rape Watch

Number of Named Female Characters: 4

Of Whom Protagonist's ex Lovers: 2

Of Whom Dead: 2

Of Whom Rape Victims: 1

Of Whom Murdered By Viewpoint Character: 1

Causes of Rape and Sexual Abuse, by Attribution in Text

Nature of Violent Culture: 0%

Nature of Patriarchal Society: 0%

Decisions Made Freely by Rapists: 0%

Beauty of Victim: 100%

Consequences of Rape and Sexual Abuse, by Importance as Judged by Text

Emotional Distress to Victim: 0%

Physical Injury to Victim: 0%

Emotional Distress to Victim's Ex-Boyfriend: 25%

Victim No Longer Physically Desirable to Ex-Boyfriend: 75%

Who Suffers as a Result of a Woman's Suicide Attempt, by Attribution in Text

Her: 0%

Her Unborn Child: 70%

Her Boyfriend: 30%

Who Suffers as the Result of the Murder of an Eight Year Old Girl, as Judged by Text

The Eight Year Old Girl: 20%

The Murderer: 80%

Ways In Which An Intelligent, Talented Woman, Who Has Superhuman Strength And Is Nearly Invulnerable to Physical Damage Could Attempt To Rescue Her Companions At Short Notice

Steal a Ship and Mount a Rescue: 0%

Sneak into Execution and Mount a Rescue: 0%

Prostitute Herself: 100%

My Level of Surprise That This Book Was Nominated for the Arthur C. Clarke Award:

30%

My Hope For the Genre, Taking This Book As a Standard:

0%Themes:

Books

,

Sci-fi / Fantasy

,

Minority Warrior

~

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http://alex-von-cercek.livejournal.com/

at 20:16 on 2010-06-26Holy shit.

I don't even have anything else to say. Just...holy shit.

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http://furare.livejournal.com/

at 20:48 on 2010-06-26Wow. That just *is* a world of fail, isn't it?

Focusing just on the "you murdered our child" bit for a minute, it's uncomfortably reminiscent of

something I read recently

about men who want to make abortion all about them, a terrible tragedy foisted on them by the actions of an evil woman. I know a suicide-induced miscarriage isn't exactly abortion, but I think Frey's reaction comes quite close to theirs. Made me wonder if it was possibly intentional - the parallel seems quite obvious to me.

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Arthur B

at 22:49 on 2010-06-26

Focusing just on the "you murdered our child" bit for a minute, it's uncomfortably reminiscent of something I read recently about men who want to make abortion all about them, a terrible tragedy foisted on them by the actions of an evil woman. I know a suicide-induced miscarriage isn't exactly abortion, but I think Frey's reaction comes quite close to theirs. Made me wonder if it was possibly intentional - the parallel seems quite obvious to me.

It's an analogy that jumped out at me too. At the very least, if performing an act that leads to a miscarriage is regarded by Frey as murder, then abortion has to come under that category for Frey's views (and the text's views, it seems) to be even slightly internally consistent. And "men's rights" morons do seem to like portraying abortion as a crime against fathers, and to blame women for everything that men do wrong in a relationship.

Out of interest, how do books get nominated for the Clarke award?

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Dan H

at 23:11 on 2010-06-26

I know a suicide-induced miscarriage isn't exactly abortion, but I think Frey's reaction comes quite close to theirs. Made me wonder if it was possibly intentional - the parallel seems quite obvious to me.

I think that's fair, there's a rather skeevy implication that she deliberately attempted suicide *in order* to induce a miscarriage *in order* to get at Frey.

Because Women Are Evil.

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http://furare.livejournal.com/

at 12:59 on 2010-06-27Because she couldn't have wanted to kill herself because she couldn't deal with the disgrace *he* left her with? I'm not trying to undermine her autonomy by saying it's his fault she slept with him; however, it's unquestionably his fault that he abandoned her at the altar. So surely, by his own logic, if she had succeeded in committing suicide, he would have murdered her. (Just kidding, I can see that Frey's "logic" serves no purpose other than to make sure that he is not genuinely to blame for anything.)

One slightly off-topic thing I feel the need to say is that I Have Had Enough of anything - books, magazine articles, people - who claim that women all want romance and/or commitment, while men just want sex. A lot of women actually want sex, and some of them are actually willing to admit that they're not looking for candlelit dinners or long-term commitment in exchange. Actually, "in exchange" is the problem, isn't it? It implies that sex is something you have to compensate a woman for if she "gives" it to you.

And seriously. If a guy I was dating told me that he wanted to "be with me forever", I would probably laugh in his face. And then try to scrape him off my leg. I don't mind commitment in and of itself, but that sort of declaration fucking terrifies me. But then, I've come to the conclusion that when pop culture talks about "women" and "what women want", they are almost never talking about me. It's like I don't exist or something.

To bring this comment back to the book under discussion, I think it's a real shame that the author squandered a potentially awesome character by treading tired old ground. I mean, a woman who's a badass airship pirate captain! That has so much potential - a character fantasy-reading women might enjoy and identify with. If she wasn't defined almost entirely by what men had done to her. Kind of typical for the genre, though, isn't it.

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Niall

at 14:38 on 2010-06-27

Out of interest, how do books get nominated for the Clarke award?

The Clarke Award is administered by a body called the Serendip Foundation. Each year, they arrange a panel of five judges: traditionally (that is, for pretty much the whole of the Award's thirty-year existence) two of these have been nominated by the British Science Fiction Association, two by the Science Fiction Foundation, and one by A. N. Other invited body, which at present is SF Crowsnest.com, and has been the Science Museum and various other groups. Around this time of year, the Chair of the judging panel writes to UK publishers inviting them to submit books for consideration. Any science fiction novel published in the UK in the relevant calendar year is eligible; the Award does not define "science fiction" or "novel", that's left up to publishers and to the judges to debate. The judges read all the books. They may ask the Chair to contact publishers and request that other titles are submitted for consideration.

The judges then meet in February (ish) to select a shortlist of six. The shortlist is announced in March or April. The judges re-read the books they shortlisted, and meet in April/May (for the last few years, it's been at the start of the Sci-Fi-London film festival) to select a winner.

Basically, it's the Booker Prize process, although I think that in the case of the Booker the Chair is a full member of the panel, and in the Clarke they're a facilitator, appointed by Serendip to run the judges' meetings but not having a vote themselves. Other differences: publishers aren't limited to submitting only two titles, as they are in the Booker; and judges are typically asked to serve for two consecutive years (not all on the same schedule, so there's some refreshment and some carry-over from year to year).

The other titles shortlisted this year were Yellow Blue Tibia by Adam Roberts, Galileo's Dream by Kim Stanley Robinson, Spirit by Gwyneth Jones, Far North by Marcel Theroux, and the eventual winner, The City & The City be China Mieville.

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Niall

at 14:40 on 2010-06-27Oh, and the judges for this year were Jon Courtenay Grimwood and Chris Hill for the BSFA, Francis Spufford and Rhiannon Lassiter for the SF Foundation, and Paul Skevington for SF Crowsnest.

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http://alex-von-cercek.livejournal.com/

at 16:36 on 2010-06-27

To bring this comment back to the book under discussion, I think it's a real shame that the author squandered a potentially awesome character by treading tired old ground. I mean, a woman who's a badass airship pirate captain! That has so much potential - a character fantasy-reading women might enjoy and identify with. If she wasn't defined almost entirely by what men had done to her. Kind of typical for the genre, though, isn't it.

Hell, Trinica sounds like the only interesting character in the book. In fact, the book that would be interesting to read would be titled "Kill Frey" and it would be about Trinica Dracken crossing off names from her Death List.

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Dan H

at 21:10 on 2010-06-27

Actually, "in exchange" is the problem, isn't it? It implies that sex is something you have to compensate a woman for if she "gives" it to you.

I believe this is an attitude which I've heard succinctly summarized as "women have sex, men want sex." And yeah, it's kind of a problem. It creates this notion that sex is something that men are supposed to get out of women by whatever means society deems acceptable, which leads to all sorts of nasty places.

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Melissa G.

at 22:31 on 2010-06-27

One slightly off-topic thing I feel the need to say is that I Have Had Enough of anything - books, magazine articles, people - who claim that women all want romance and/or commitment, while men just want sex.

I totally forgive you for off-topicness because I am so sick of that attitude too! It's so annoying and gender box-y.

But I have to say that I'm even more sick and tired of this attitude:

Because it is made very clear in the text that She Was Raped Because She Was Beautiful.

Because that is such utter BS and a total misunderstanding of what rape is and why it happens. Rape is about power, not desire or lust or being unable to control oneself because the other person is so beautiful. It's so disgusting and irritating to see rape twisted into something where the guy just can't control himself because she's so damn hot. Come on, who could blame him? And then, that brings you to the "She should be flattered he raped her; he could have any woman he wants" mentality. Just...no.

Apologies for going slightly off-topic myself, but that mentality about rape is a huge rage button of mine. Especially since I recently seem to be reading scripts (for my job) of movies where violence against women seems to be the most used plot point for the male character to do anything.

Women in Refrigerators

, anyone?

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Dan H

at 22:55 on 2010-06-27

And then, that brings you to the "She should be flattered he raped her; he could have any woman he wants" mentality. Just...no.

Which might be an apposite moment to bring up the scene fairly early in the book when the characters are attacking an information-broker's hideout, and the guy's pet whores are holed up with shotguns worried that the band of armed psychos who just burst in might, y'know, rape them.

But fortunately Frey reveals that it is he, the hot man from earlier. So he can't be a rapist, because he is hot!

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Melissa G.

at 23:20 on 2010-06-27

So he can't be a rapist, because he is hot!

::facepalm:: That's right, hot guys can't be rapists, and ugly girls can't be rape victims. I mean, who'd want to rape them? They're ugly. And rape is just about how hot a girl is. Really, it's the ultimate compliment!

Sigh. The fail just hurts sometimes....

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http://alex-von-cercek.livejournal.com/

at 23:22 on 2010-06-27You know, taken 100% and entirely out of context, the interchange of

”How'd you get this way Trinica?” he said. He raised his head and gestured at her across the gloomy study. “The hair, the skin...” he hesitated. “You used to be beautiful.” “I'm done with beautiful,” she replied.

could actually be a snappy wisecrack on the lines of those typically delivered by pulp heroes or, say, Sam Spade. You know what, I think we should all ignore the context, Trinica is an awesome character without it.

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Dan H

at 23:28 on 2010-06-27

Sigh. The fail just hurts sometimes....

To be very slightly fair, I should add that I'm only presenting one of several possible readings. It's possible that they decide to trust him because they recognize him from earlier, for example, but mixed in with all the faily stuff about beauty it bugged me.

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Melissa G.

at 01:55 on 2010-06-28@Dan

That's true, but there's still a sigh on my part at rape-fail in general because I've heard that kind of mentality and attitude expressed far too many times. Especially in conjunction with celebrities who get accused of rape. >.< So the book may get a pass, but society does not. ::shakes fist angrily at society::

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Wardog

at 09:26 on 2010-06-28I was going to read this ... now I am not.

I am depressed.

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http://furare.livejournal.com/

at 11:06 on 2010-06-28Oh hell, don't get me started on the rapefail. I didn't touch it in previous comments because it kinda makes me too angry to write coherently. Let's just say I've read an awful lot about rape in recent weeks and months, and I am sickened by the attitude Melissa mentions with respect to rapist celebrities. I guess the assumption that a celebrity could "have any woman he wants" is pretty damned insulting, too. Sorry, but I don't sleep with guys who act like they're doing me a favour just by noticing me.

And on the general subject of rape and rapefail - it is really aggravating that blog posts on rape are *always* commented on by someone claiming that the real victims of rape are men who are unfairly accused. Because women love "crying rape" and having their sex lives, choice of clothes and conduct at the time in question, and a million and one other things scrutinised. I would not be surprised if an awful lot of retracted accusations were actually due to the fact that investigation of the crime makes the victim feel like they were at fault.

Regardless, "false" reporting occurs in 2-8% of cases, which is about the same as an awful lot of other crimes. (Rape apologists carry round a 41% false report statistic that was taken from a fatally flawed study done in the 70s, rather than the most recent FBI statistics, because it's the one that makes them look right.) But then, issues that largely affect women - like rape and domestic violence - have to be invaded by men telling us that MEN are the victims here, that rape is a stick evil women use to beat MEN and why are we still talking anyway SHUT UP.

So yeah. Novels - and anything else written by anyone ever - that put the blame for rape on anything the victim did or is, rather than the decision made by the rapist to rape her, are things I have no patience with at all. The fact that rape is seen as the victim's fault in real life makes it really far from okay to say that in a novel. Unless you're trying to make the point that your viewpoint character is a misogynistic shit - but I don't think that was the intended reading here.

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Melissa G.

at 01:14 on 2010-06-29

Oh hell, don't get me started on the rapefail. I didn't touch it in previous comments because it kinda makes me too angry to write coherently.

Ditto for me. It's gotten to the point where every time rape shows up in a book/show/movie/what have you, I tend to roll my eyes and then start to judge harshly. Usually it just seems like the writer thinks "What's the most traumatic thing that could happen to this girl? Oh, I know! She gets raped." Or even worse, "What's the most traumatic thing that could happen to this guy? Oh, I know! His girlfriend/wife/mother/daughter/sister gets raped." It just ends up seeming unoriginal and lazy - not to mention the possibility of epic fail.

I do just want to plug something that I was really impressed with as far as how it handled rape and incorporated it into the story. And surprisingly, it's a comic book! It was Ultimate Elektra - a short mini-series type deal. I actually thought that the rape was handled realistically and was meaningful to the story; it all felt like something that could really happen. I'd love to know if anyone else read it and what you thought of it.

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Arthur B

at 01:49 on 2010-06-29

It's gotten to the point where every time rape shows up in a book/show/movie/what have you, I tend to roll my eyes and then start to judge harshly.

Same here. I started to read

The Heart of Myrial

by Maggie Furey a while back, and at first it was silly but basically harmless fun.

Then there was a bit where some peasant woman gets raped by bailiffs to establish two things: that their employer is a rotter, and that the guardsmen who show up and summarily execute the rapist they catch in the act are basically good people who we should cheer for.

I stopped reading at that point.

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http://ignisophis.livejournal.com/

at 15:03 on 2010-09-14A friend of mine recently recommended this book to me. I read it, really enjoyed it and recommended it to my friends, one of whom pointed me to this review. Which is full of things I disagree with, so I thought I should post to explain why.

Judged as a low-investment romp, it’s alright. Judged as a nominee for a prestigious award, it needs to be killed with fire.

Surely a book should be judged on its merits, or lack thereof? Nominations for the Clarke Award have very little to do with quality, and shouldn't your issues with its shortlisting be a matter for a review of the Clarke Award and/or its judges? After all, I doubt Chris Wooding wrote it specifically with the Clarke Award in mind.

I don't agree that zero female crew would have been better than one - it gave me the impression, not of a setting where "women are apparently perfectly accepted", but of a setting where there is very strong social pressure against women entering that line of work. Given the sexism inherent in the rest of the setting, positive discrimination in the crew's gender ratio would have changed the whole focus of the story.

To put it another way, Frey spends the first half of the book chiding himself for his selfishness, indolence, and pisspoor leadership skills. By the end of the book he has stopped chiding himself for all of these things, but has failed to show any actual change in his behaviour. Which creates the impression that all of his growth and development over the course of the book has served only to make him less self-aware.

I had a different reading on all of this. For me, part of the appeal of the book is that almost all of the information we have is told from the point of view of a character who is, not to put too fine a point on it, a horrible self-deluding wreck of a human being, damaged by the consequences of his own actions and continuing to damage both himself and those around him. Considering the timescale of the book, I think any genuine change in his behaviour would be too rushed to be plausible. Instead, we see a change in his internal attitude and intentions which will maybe lead to a future change in his behaviour, and till then he's faking it until he can make it. We've spent the whole book being shown how much he wraps himself in delusional self-justification and I don't think there's ever much of a change in its level, just in its form and motives and likely consequences.

That particular element would have been more effective but for two things. Firstly, it was so telegraphed it lost all its impact – Crake spent the entire freaking book saying “hey Frey if that EVER HAPPENS AGAIN you'd better give over the damned codes, m'kay.” Secondly, refusing to give up the codes was absolutely the right decision.

I did find it extremely effective, and honestly didn't know which way Frey would jummp. Firstly, Crake's earlier harping on about it did telegraph that a similar situation would probably happen again but could have just been to add weight and consequence should Frey have handled it the same way. Secondly, to my mind it was the right decision not to give the codes the first time, but the right decision to

give

the codes the second time - Macarde just wanted the information, the ship and a bit of revenge, whereas Dracken primarily wanted Frey and the crew and had a good reason to kill Crake; to her the information and the ship were just a bonus. Which is why I didn't think we were meant to think that giving up the codes the first time would've been the right decision.

The only reading I can really support for Frey's character development over the book – as in the only reading which I think the author and the text expect you to take away from it – is that Frey is a good man deep down, but lacks the confidence to act on that goodness.

This is a reading I completely disagree with. If this is the case then why, on the third-to-last page (after Frey has done some heroic things and finally started to bond with his crew), does the author feel the need to remind us of all the horrible things Frey has done? The impression I get from the text is that Frey is a horribly flawed man, but that even horribly flawed people can have some redeeming features, can occasionally do good things despite themselves, and can strive to be better.

Wooding seems to be under the impression that Darien Frey is a good man who sometimes allows his insecurities to get the better of him, and seems to see the book as chronicling his battle to overcome those insecurities.

I'm always reluctant to claim knowledge of an author's mind, but here in particular I think you're doing Wooding a great disservice. Particularly as Wooding never tells us what he thinks, only what Frey thinks.

because you see women want a man who says he’ll be with them forever, and men just want sex, and there is no overlap whatsoever – no men are interested in commitment, no women are interested in straight-up fucking

For me this was one of the cues that Frey's thought processes are not an authorial voice. He may think about it that way, but the one sex scene in the book has the woman taking the initiative and displaying a greater sexual appetite.

Causes of Rape and Sexual Abuse, by Attribution in Text Beauty of Victim: 100%

According to testimony of said victim, possibly in order to give herself security by thinking that she's safe from rape now that she is attempting to present herself as being far from beautiful. Attributed by a character within the text rather than the text itself.

Consequences of Rape and Sexual Abuse, by Importance as Judged by Text Emotional Distress to Victim's Ex-Boyfriend: 25% Victim No Longer Physically Desirable to Ex-Boyfriend: 75%

Who Suffers as a Result of a Woman's Suicide Attempt, by Attribution in Text Her Unborn Child: 70%, Her Boyfriend: 30%

Both according to the viewpoint of Frey, who as we've already established is a horrible self-centred git. Judged and attributed by a character within the text rather than by the text itself.

Who Suffers as the Result of the Murder of an Eight Year Old Girl, as Judged by Text The Eight Year Old Girl: 20%, The Murderer: 80%

Again, this is according to the point of view of the murderer, not judged by the text itself.

Ways In Which An Intelligent, Talented Woman, Who Has Superhuman Strength And Is Nearly Invulnerable to Physical Damage Could Attempt To Rescue Her Companions At Short Notice Steal a Ship and Mount a Rescue: 0% Sneak into Execution and Mount a Rescue: 0% Prostitute Herself: 100%

Jez is somewhat stronger than she would be as a human, can heal from a knock to the head and a flesh wound and is a decent shot, but this hardly makes her anything like invulnerable and it certainly doesn't make her some kind of superhero. The prostitution did irk me, but I mostly saw it as a comment on the way in which she was coming to see herself as an inhuman monster, and an acknowledgement that she was intelligent enough to realise she couldn't have pulled off either of the first two options on her own.

Overall, I think the heart of our disagreement over the book comes down to a preference for or against didacticism. It's something I strongly dislike - I want stories which present interesting situations and complex flawed characters then leave me to make up my own mind about them. Which don't try to insert authorial comment into the mindset of a flawed and potentially unreliable viewpoint character. Which present a sexist and corrupt society as what it is, without feeling the need to explicitly lecture the audience about it.

Judging from your review, particularly those percentage breakdowns at the end, you want a story in which the text and the author tell the audience what they should think of the horrible things that happen and the horrible things the characters do?

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Arthur B

at 15:43 on 2010-09-14Dan said:

Frey spends the first half of the book chiding himself for his selfishness, indolence, and pisspoor leadership skills. By the end of the book he has stopped chiding himself for all of these things

ignisophis said:

Instead, we see a change in his internal attitude and intentions which will maybe lead to a future change in his behaviour

How does going from "I'm quite bothered by my behaviour" to "I'm OK with my behaviour" make it

more

likely that he's going to change?

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Dan H

at 16:07 on 2010-09-14

Overall, I think the heart of our disagreement over the book comes down to a preference for or against didacticism.

I don't think it has anythign to do with that. Didacticism is one of those irregular adjectives. You're being Didactic, I'm just presenting things as they are. He has an agenda, I'm telling a story.

It's something I strongly dislike - I want stories which present interesting situations and complex flawed characters then leave me to make up my own mind about them.

So do I. Retribution Falls does neither of those things.

Your interpretation of Frey - as a flawed and complex but ultimately sympathetic character, that despite the horrible things he does he is always striving to be a better man - is exactly the one which I complain that the book was forcing down my throat.

Which don't try to insert authorial comment into the mindset of a flawed and potentially unreliable viewpoint character.

Authorial comment is *absolutely* necessary when you're dealing with a flawed and potentially unreliable viewpoint character. Otherwise how do you know they're flawed and potentially unreliable?

Which present a sexist and corrupt society as what it is, without feeling the need to explicitly lecture the audience about it.

You're presenting a false dichotomy here. You seem to believe that the options are "present a sexist and corrupt society in an uncritical and shallow manner" or "lecture people".

I'd also point out that /Retribution Falls/ does not, in fact, present a sexist and corrupt society. It doesn't really present a society at all. It's an adventure novel, it pays no attention to the way its setting would or could actually work. What you take as "presenting a sexist society as it actually is" I take as "just being sexist".

Judging from your review, particularly those percentage breakdowns at the end, you want a story in which the text and the author tell the audience what they should think of the horrible things that happen and the horrible things the characters do?

This is what I don't understand. The text *does* tell us what to think about the horrible things that happen, and the horrible things the characters do. It's extraordinarily heavy handed in that regard. Frey's interaction with Trinica is a good example. In the article I quoted the following:

He didn't pity her. He couldn't. He only mourned the loss of the young woman he'd known ten years ago. This mockery of his lover was his own doing. He had fashioned her, and she damned him by her existence.

This is telling you exactly how to feel, and exactly why you should be feeling it. Frey did a Terrible Thing in running out on Trinica, and we are supposed to condemn him for running out on her, but recognize that he has accepted responsibility for it and grown as a result. That's what allows you to interpret Frey as a "complex and flawed character".

Frey is only complex and flawed if you interpret his character in exactly the ways the book (very directly, very heavy-handedly) tells you to interpret his character. Otherwise he really is a dickbag with no redeeming features whatsoever and that's not an interesting character to read about.

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http://ignisophis.livejournal.com/

at 16:58 on 2010-09-14

Your interpretation of Frey - as a flawed and complex but ultimately sympathetic character, that despite the horrible things he does he is always striving to be a better man

But that's not my interpretation of Frey. That's how you think the author wants us to interpret Frey. My interpretation of Frey is that he's a flawed and complex and almost entirely

un

sympathetic character, who doesn't strive to be a better man until we're approaching the end of the book - and even then the motives for his striving are suspect and its eventual outcome uncertain. I don't sympathise with him, but I do pity him, and despite his being a git with virtually no redeeming features I do find him interesting to read about.

Authorial comment is *absolutely* necessary when you're dealing with a flawed and potentially unreliable viewpoint character. Otherwise how do you know they're flawed and potentially unreliable?

From an evaluation of their narrative.

You're presenting a false dichotomy here. You seem to believe that the options are "present a sexist and corrupt society in an uncritical and shallow manner" or "lecture people".

If you're going to rewrite what I say, please don't put quote marks around it! Or at least, use quote marks but put some editorial square brackets around the altered text.

"He didn't pity her. He couldn't. He only mourned the loss of the young woman he'd known ten years ago. This mockery of his lover was his own doing. He had fashioned her, and she damned him by her existence." This is telling you exactly how to feel, and exactly why you should be feeling it.

This is our disagreement in a nutshell. You think that excerpt is telling the audience what to feel and why they should feel it. I think that excerpt is telling the audience what

Frey

feels and why he thinks

he's

feeling it. What you appear to read as an objective narrator uncritically describing Frey's reaction in what we are meant to take as reasonable terms, I read as subjective narration by a selfish and dysfunctional viewpoint character speaking in the third person.

I think it's a deeply unhealthy way to feel, and would agree that the book deserved to be killed by fire if it suggested that the audience

was

meant to feel that way about Trinica's condition. Fortunately, I don't think it is.

Is not the definition of a didactic reading of a text the belief that the text is telling us what to do and why we should do it?

And in response to Arthur:

How does going from "I'm quite bothered by my behaviour" to "I'm OK with my behaviour" make it more likely that he's going to change?

If he was genuinely bothered by his behaviour beforehand then he'd have made an effort to change it. I see the transition as going from "I shall self-flagellate about my failings while using my awareness of them to convince myself that tryin to change would be pointless" to "I have failings, but I am making an effort to change". How genuine and lasting that effort is has yet to be seen.

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Dan H

at 17:50 on 2010-09-14

My interpretation of Frey is that he's a flawed and complex and almost entirely unsympathetic character, who doesn't strive to be a better man until we're approaching the end of the book

I think we're using the word "sympathetic" differently. I'm using it to mean "has qualities with which you can sympathize" whereas you seem to use it to mean "has no flaws".

You see Frey as flawed, complex and almost entirely unsympathetic but (presumably) with some redeeming features (you suggest as much in your previous post). Again this is *exactly* the interpretation I believe the text is pushing for.

The problem I have with Frey isn't that he's unsympathetic, it's that he's unsympathetic *in different ways to the ones the text cares about*.

From an evaluation of their narrative.

Which you would do how? I mean seriously how do you know a narrator is unreliable without some clue that comes from outside their narration?

I think it's a deeply unhealthy way to feel, and would agree that the book deserved to be killed by fire if it suggested that the audience was meant to feel that way about Trinica's condition. Fortunately, I don't think it is.

Umm ... I'm a bit confused here. What about the way Frey feels about Trinica's condition are we supposed to disagree with? How do *you* feel about Trinica's condition and how do you think it's different, and how do you think the text supports that feeling?

The book clearly explains to us that Frey had a responsibility to Trinica, that by running out on her he shirked that responsibility, which caused her to attempt suicide and lead to the death of their child, and ultimately to her getting raped and becoming the Dread Pirate Dracken. Frey feels guilty for shirking this responsibility. What about this interpretation do you think is incorrect? How do you think Frey is mistaken here?

Is not the definition of a didactic reading of a text the belief that the text is telling us what to do and why we should do it?

Umm ... yes it is. I read the book as extremely didactic, and dislike it because I consider it to be didactic. You seemed to think that my problem was wanting the book to be *more* didactic, when in fact I want it to be *less* didactic. The book as it stands tells us exactly how to feel about everything in it.

If he was genuinely bothered by his behaviour beforehand then he'd have made an effort to change it. I see the transition as going from "I shall self-flagellate about my failings while using my awareness of them to convince myself that tryin to change would be pointless" to "I have failings, but I am making an effort to change". How genuine and lasting that effort is has yet to be seen.

Again, that's exactly my problem and once again, your interpretation of the text lines up exactly with the interpretation I believe the text is telling me to have.

Frey's big flaw, as dictated by the text, is that he runs away from his responsibilities. That is the flaw he spends the book dealing with, and that is the flaw he overcomes at the end when he realizes that he has a duty to his crew.

Frey's real flaw is that he believes everything is about him. The thing is that it *really is*. This isn't a matter of perception, every single person he meets is willing to risk everything to either help or harm him. Even Trinica's suicide attempt was *about Frey* and she freely admits that it was about Frey. This isn't unreliable narration, this isn't the subjective viewpoint of a flawed character, this is how things actually are in the setting.

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Arthur B

at 20:44 on 2010-09-14

Which you would do how? I mean seriously how do you know a narrator is unreliable without some clue that comes from outside their narration?

To be fair, you can do it without outside clues. Gene Wolfe did it quite well in

Peace

- if you take the narrator at his word it's about a nice old man reminiscing about his life, but if you pay attention to the bits where he contradicts himself, glosses over something, or is clearly omitting something you realise that he's a horrifyingly evil person. (To pull a fuzzily-remembered example out of thin air, a particular character just plain disappears partway through the story after a fairly tense conversation with the narrator, and it's only later when he casually mentions possessing a piece of property that most definitely belonged to her that you realise he probably killed her - and if you go back and revisit the scene in question you can put together a fairly good idea of how he did it and how he disposed of the evidence.)

Not that that's necessarily what's happening in Retribution Falls. And I do agree that you do need the contradictions and omissions and whatnot in order to give textual support for interpretations that directly contradict the narrator's own assessment of things. The more internally consistent and solid a narrative is the less wiggle room you have for challenging the statements in it, after all.

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Dan H

at 13:44 on 2010-09-15But that's still a metatextual clue - Wolfe clearly included the reference *specifically* to allow for that interpretation, which is sort of my point.

I'm not saying the text has to stop and say "just so we're clear, the narrator is lying to you here" but it is actually very clear what *is* just viewpoint and what *isn't*. It's like people who will argue that Star Wars is shot from "Luke Skywalker's Viewpoint" and that the Empire might not be evil at all. It's not a legitimate reading of the text, and it displays a fundamental misunderstanding of how viewpoint works in fiction.

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Arthur B

at 14:01 on 2010-09-15Well the other difference is that

Peace

is very much delivered from the narrator's viewpoint - it's all spoken in the first person. It's not Wolfe writing in the third person who tells you that the narrator has the vanished girl's stuff, it's the narrator himself not managing to keep his story straight.

Of course, the other big argument against the "it's OK because he's an unreliable narrator" take on

Retribution Falls

is that as far as I can tell it's written in the third person, which would mean you can't firmly say that the narration is from Frey's point of view. The argument that the narrative voice isn't "subjective narration by a selfish and dysfunctional viewpoint character speaking in the third person" seems to me - unless there's textual support for it somewhere - to be a bit of a leap, when the default assumption in most books is that the narrative voice is objective, omniscient, and impersonal. I'm sure there's been books written in the third person where the narrative voice is in fact subjective, unreliable, and personal, but you'd expect to be tipped off to the fact if that's what you're meant to take away from it.

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Niall

at 14:16 on 2010-09-15

the default assumption in most books is that the narrative voice is objective, omniscient, and impersonal

Say what? No it isn't. I wouldn't even say it's the default assumption in most books written in the third person. In fact, I'd say that in contemporary fiction, an objective, omniscient, impersonal narrative voice is rare.

The specific paragraph being debated above is limited third person. Every sentence is grounded in Frey's subjectivity. For me to read it as an objective assessment of the situation, it would have to stand further outside him: "Frey didn't pity Trinica. It wouldn't do any good. The only thing to do was to mourn the loss of the young woman he'd known ten years ago..."

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Arthur B

at 14:46 on 2010-09-15

Say what? No it isn't. I wouldn't even say it's the default assumption in most books written in the third person.

OK, checking the wikipedia article on narrative modes I see that I've been sloppy about my terms and not used them especially correctly (though I note that over the entire sweep of literature the third-person omniscient has totally been the most commonly used so ya boo sucks :P).

For me the narrative voice came off as impersonal - the very fact that it's the third person seems to point in that direction, for starters. But I'm assessing that on a fairly limited selection of quotes, and I'd need to read a lot more to work out whether the narrative voice is meant to take an over-the-shoulder perspective where it follows Frey but doesn't necessarily condone or identify with him or whether it's meant to be Frey.

This is all, of course, secondary to the question of whether the reader is meant to sympathise or condemn Frey. And the thing is, the various attitudes he expresses, which both Dan and ignisophis agree are problematic, are common enough that I can easily imagine many readers reading the book and thinking "Yeah, that Frey guy's totally got it right - my ex's abortion was all about me too!"

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Arthur B

at 14:48 on 2010-09-15(Also I'd argue that the third-person omniscient has maintained a greater foothold in SF/fantasy than it has in other genres thanks to the influence of Tolkien in fantasy, and various brick-sized multiple-viewpoint novels of the Alastair Reynolds/Peter F. Hamilton variety in SF.)

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Niall

at 15:00 on 2010-09-15

I'd need to read a lot more to work out whether the narrative voice is meant to take an over-the-shoulder perspective where it follows Frey but doesn't necessarily condone or identify with him or whether it's meant to be Frey.

To be pedantic, I'm less interested in whether it's

meant

to be one or the other, and more interested in what it

is

, if only because we can't know the former and can meaningfully debate the latter. So: I think

Retribution Falls

is basically over-the-shoulder with occasional slips which come about because, when it comes down to it, Wooding is not a particularly impressive writer on a sentence-by-sentence level. It doesn't help that, as you say, the prose has a fairly unexciting default voice, neither strongly

of

the character it's following nor strongly

not

of the character it's following. Still, I didn't experience the book as didactic in the way that Dan did.

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Niall

at 15:05 on 2010-09-15Do you know, it's so long since I've actually read Tolkien that I can't remember what his narrative is like, but I wouldn't characterise Hamilton as third-person omniscient. From what I remember, even if he follows multiple characters, he sticks pretty tightly to a single character within any given scene. So I'd say he's multiple third-person-limited, and reserve third-person omnisicient for books like

Middlemarch

, where there is a single narrator that wanders between characters whenever it feels like it.

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Arthur B

at 15:05 on 2010-09-15

To be pedantic, I'm less interested in whether it's meant to be one or the other, and more interested in what it is, if only because we can't know the former and can meaningfully debate the latter.

But there's no objective test which will conclusively prove it's one or the other, if it's a borderline case; all we can do is see what it seems like to us, and consider what prompts the text are giving us (the latter of which is what I meant by "meant").

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Arthur B

at 15:07 on 2010-09-15

Do you know, it's so long since I've actually read Tolkien that I can't remember what his narrative is like, but I wouldn't characterise Hamilton as third-person omniscient. From what I remember, even if he follows multiple characters, he sticks pretty tightly to a single character within any given scene.

Yeah, but he'll regularly set up situations using the technique where the characters who are going into a particular situation know much less than we do, because the narrative voice has clued us in to stuff that's been going on which the current viewpoint character doesn't know about. The overall point is to give this helicopter overview of what's happening on a stage covering half a galaxy, which no one character can get a clear picture of but which the narrative voice seems to be showing us as we travel around in its company.

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Wardog

at 15:18 on 2010-09-15I'm with Niall on this - I think it is rare to find books where the narrative voice objective, omniscient and impersonal. Otherwise everything would sound like it was written by Henry Fielding. Most third books have conscious POV shifts, usually between chapters or between scenes, as you move between characters or else are specifically situated as being the perspective of a specific character - the Harry Potter books, for example.

Where it gets difficult is locating the overlapping subjectivity of character and author - and, by author, I mean the hazy figure present in the text, not the person giving interviews to the media.

Sorry to randomly tangent, but this discussion reminds me the discussion about

Sisters Red

over at The Book Smugglers. Essentially Ana condemns the book for its victim-blaming and honestly slightly unhealthy attitude to certain types of girls - later the author inadvisable rocks up in the comments to claim s/he has been misrepresented since the unhealthy victim-blaming stuff was all from a unhealthy character's POV.

Unfortunately "it's okay, it's a bad person saying it" becomes difficult it is very often implicitly supported by the structures of the book itself. to use the Sisters Red example, what you have is a damaged character expressing an offensive viewpoint, the same viewpoint echoed by a less damaged character not two pages later AND a world in which the offensive viewpoint is LITERALLY true. In the world of Sisters Red, girls who dress, look and behave a certain way are, in fact, targeted by predators. Whereas the "dress up pretty will get you raped" mindset is actually not only untrue (since the majority of rapes are committed by people who knew the victim, not strangers jumping on beautiful girls who go clubbing in short skirts) but a control strategy to keep women feeling vulnerable and dis empowered.

To return to the book in question, the issue, I think, is not with Frey's viewpoint itself but with the way the narrative as a whole functions to support it, rather than condemn it. I mean Frey views women in a completely obnoxious but the behaviour of every woman in the text actually reinforces the fact he's right to treat them as he does - I mean everyone he sleeps with, apparently falls madly in love with him and wants him to settle down and twu wuv with her. It doesn't matter how much pseudo bad-assery you paint onto a female character if *her entire life* revolves around a dude then Frey is, in fact, exactly right to view women as clingy, fragile and emotionally demanding.

The whole "He had fashioned her" line is grossly offensive - not least because, in the text, it is actually true.

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Arthur B

at 15:33 on 2010-09-15

Most third books have conscious POV shifts, usually between chapters or between scenes, as you move between characters or else are specifically situated as being the perspective of a specific character - the Harry Potter books, for example.

OK, I've tended to think of multiple viewpoint books as being objective/omniscient/impersonal because the narration isn't exclusively associated with one viewpoint, and gives you an overview of what's going on which no single character actually enjoys - so it averages out as being objective-ish and omniscient-ish and impersonal-ish when you take the book as a whole, but I'm obviously doing great harm to the terminology there so I'll stop.

Though that said, if the main character's ideas are never actually challenged by anything they encounter in the world, it doesn't matter much where the narrator's sitting does it?

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Melissa G.

at 17:35 on 2010-09-15

Though that said, if the main character's ideas are never actually challenged by anything they encounter in the world, it doesn't matter much where the narrator's sitting does it?

That's pretty much my problem with the "But the narrator is unreliable/a bad person so it doesn't matter if their POV is offensive" argument. If you want us to accept that the POV is in an unreliable person's hands, we needs clues in the text.

A good example of it being done right, imo, is Lolita. I don't particularly *like* Lolita, but Nobokov actually did a pretty stellar job of writing from the POV of a pedophile while still providing us with enough textual clues to be able to interpret Humbert Humbert's behavior and mindset as destructive and wrong. It's very subtle and not concrete evidence - hence all the controversy surrounding that book - but I truly believe we're not meant to view Humbert Humbert as *right* in what he does. Lolita displays characteristics of a sexually abused child, for example. Humbert Humbert doesn't pick up on this, but the reader can.

Anyway, back to the original point, I think if a writer is going to have an unreliable narrator or a morality effed up narrator, the text outside the character needs to display at least *signs* that they are effed up and unreliable. If the world bends to their viewpoint, I don't think there's any way that defense works. They are just being proven right, in that case, which is basically what people have stated above, and I agree with.

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Dan H

at 18:40 on 2010-09-15

The specific paragraph being debated above is limited third person. Every sentence is grounded in Frey's subjectivity. For me to read it as an objective assessment of the situation, it would have to stand further outside him: "Frey didn't pity Trinica. It wouldn't do any good. The only thing to do was to mourn the loss of the young woman he'd known ten years ago..."

I think you're right that the specific paragraph is a bad example, but I think part of the confusion here is that people seem to be misunderstanding precisely what I find offensive about Frey's reaction to Trinica and the way it is grounded in the text.

People are focusing a lot on the "didn't pity her" line which is actually the line in the whole thing I find *least* offensive. Pity is a patronizing emotion, and what offended me most about Trinica wasn't the lack of sympathy in the text, it was the lack of *respect*.

As Kyra points out, what's really offensive about the whole thing is the second line: "This mockery of his lover was his own doing. He had fashioned her, and she damned him by her existence." What is offensive about this line is not that Frey thinks that way but that the text really does provide strong evidence that he is *right* to think this way.

Frey's *entire* arc (as ignisophis observes) is about going from making excuses for his flaws, to facing up to them and taking responsibility for them. In this context, his taking responsibility for Trinica's condition is presented as both right and correct, and a step on his emotional development towards a better and more complete person. Similarly he *takes responsibility* for his part in the loss of their child, accepting that his cowardice in running away from Trinica was comparable to her cowardice in attempting to take her own life. These are all *personal revelations* which are presented as *unambiguously positive and correct*.

To lay it out clearly, this is a list of things which I consider to be facts about Trinica Dracken which (a) are what Frey believes, (b) are the canonical truth of the setting and (c) are deeply offensive.

1. Trinica attempted to kill herself because Frey left her. Unambiguously true, he admits it, she admits it.

2. Trinica's attempted suicide was motivated partly out of a desire to hurt Frey. She says specifically tells Frey that "I wanted you to know what I had done".

3. Trinica's decision to kill herself was cowardly. Frey believes this, the text does not challenge it, and Frey is presented as developing emotionally when he compares his own cowardice to Trinica's.

4. Trinica's attempted suicide was worse because she was pregnant. Again Frey believes this and the text supports it. Again, Frey's emotional growth comes from his recognition that he *shares* in Trinica's moral culpability for the death of their child.

5. Trinica is a tragic figure. A lot of the argument about what is and is not Frey's PoV seems to come down to the question of whether it is right that he "does not pity" Trinica. What is most certainly *not* subjective, or simply a result of Frey's distorted viewpoint, is that Trinica is *worse off* as a capable, independent Pirate Captain than she was as a nineteen year old china doll.

These are all genuinely, deeply offensive to me - particularly point 3: "suicide is cowardly" is one of the most repugnant ideas to go unchallenged in popular opinion, and a text that repeats it without condemning it reinforces it.

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http://ignisophis.livejournal.com/

at 20:42 on 2010-09-16

I think we're using the word "sympathetic" differently. I'm using it to mean "has qualities with which you can sympathize" whereas you seem to use it to mean "has no flaws".

"I'm [tautology] whereas you [are ridiculous]"? Heh.

In this context I'm using 'sympathetic character' to mean 'a character in whose circumstances I could potentially see myself having similar reactions and making similar choices'. To make it clearer with some examples, in this particular book I find Crake, Harkins, Jez, Malvery and Silo sympathetic. I find Frey and Pinn unsympathetic. Trinica Dracken I find to be about half-and-half.

I mean seriously how do you know a narrator is unreliable without some clue that comes from outside their narration?

I think Arthur and others have already addressed this point. To be clear, I don't consider Frey unreliable in his recounting of facts but I do consider him unreliable in the way he judges and presents those facts. Not due to explicit cues in the text, but by evaluating his judgements and presentations in relation to my own experiences of the real world, in the same way as Melissa suggests the audience is meant to pick up on aspects of "Lolita".

I'm a bit confused here. What about the way Frey feels about Trinica's condition are we supposed to disagree with? How do *you* feel about Trinica's condition and how do you think it's different, and how do you think the text supports that feeling? The book clearly explains to us that Frey had a responsibility to Trinica, that by running out on her he shirked that responsibility, which caused her to attempt suicide and lead to the death of their child, and ultimately to her getting raped and becoming the Dread Pirate Dracken. Frey feels guilty for shirking this responsibility. What about this interpretation do you think is incorrect? How do you think Frey is mistaken here?

As others have said, it's probably not the best idea to get overly hung up on this one paragraph. But to answer your questions...

As you say, one of Frey's big flaws is thinking that everything revolves around him. This is a perfect example. Yes, Frey shirked that initial responsibility, and he is right to feel guilty for doing so - but not so much for the fact that he did so as the manner in which he did so, which is never something he questions because as is stated elsewhere in the text he believes women

need

to be lied to. The crucial error is his assumption that each step led inexorably to the next, as if his initial flight toppled the first in a line of dominoes. The causal links are there but it's not a simple case of "If A Then B", at each step Trinica had a choice in how she reacted and there were multiple other influences on that choice besides the previous steps - such as the culture, her family and the pirates who captured her.

I read the book as extremely didactic, and dislike it because I consider it to be didactic. You seemed to think that my problem was wanting the book to be *more* didactic, when in fact I want it to be *less* didactic. The book as it stands tells us exactly how to feel about everything in it.

My point is that the didacticism doesn't lie in the book itself but in your reading of it. I don't consider it particularly didactic, and Niall appears to agree with me. Furthermore, your review rarely gave me the impression of wanting it to be less didactic - instead you are constantly railing against the book for telling you the wrong things, and rather than not telling you anything you seem to want it to tell you different things: that suicide is not cowardice, that rape is not motivated by beauty, that the person who suffers most in a murder is the victim.

Frey's real flaw is that he believes everything is about him. The thing is that it *really is*. This isn't a matter of perception, every single person he meets is willing to risk everything to either help or harm him. Even Trinica's suicide attempt was *about Frey* and she freely admits that it was about Frey. This isn't unreliable narration, this isn't the subjective viewpoint of a flawed character, this is how things actually are in the setting.

Again, I think you're seeing things in the text that aren't there. For a start, I disagree that that

is

the way things are in the setting. The first two NPCs we meet, Macarde and Quail, most definitely

aren't

willing to risk everything to help or harm him. After that, most of the focus Frey draws isn't because of who he is but because of what he represents; to the Century Knights and society at large the killer of the prince who was the nation's sole heir, to Duke Grephen and his allies a threat to their conspiracy. The only people willing to risk anything for his sake (besides his crew) are Trinica Drecken and the Thades, all three of whom have solid motives for doing so.

what offended me most about Trinica wasn't the lack of sympathy in the text, it was the lack of *respect*. As Kyra points out, what's really offensive about the whole thing is the second line: "This mockery of his lover was his own doing. He had fashioned her, and she damned him by her existence." What is offensive about this line is not that Frey thinks that way but that the text really does provide strong evidence that he is *right* to think this way.

As I explained above, I don't think the text does provide strong evidence that he is right to think that way. Frey believes it, because he thinks everything is about him, but the reader hopefully has enough awareness of the real world to know that life doesn't work like that. I think part of the problem here is that Trinica is also a dysfunctional and psychologically damaged person, about which I shall go into more detail below.

To lay it out clearly, this is a list of things which I consider to be facts about Trinica Dracken which (a) are what Frey believes, (b) are the canonical truth of the setting and (c) are deeply offensive.

1 & 2: (a) and (b) hold. But I'm not sure why you're taking offence? People find many reasons to attempt suicide, and it seems odd to take offence at somebody being psychologically vulnerable. (Tangent: The physiological changes brought on by pregnancy are well known to have an effect on mood, a brief google suggests that some people claim natal depression can cause an increased suicide risk while others claim there is a reduced suicide risk during pregnancy; I don't have the knowledge or inclination to properly search and evaluate the medical literature on the subject, but it's entirely possible Wooding didn't do his research properly either and happened across a study claiming an increased risk?). It's not as if the text suggests she was morally or intellectually justified in attempting to kill herself in that situation or for those motives, which is something I could support taking offence at. These are the interactions of two deeply dysfunctional people, and I see them presented as such.

3: (a) and (c) hold, but I think it's a considerable leap to go from "not challenged by the text" to "the canonical truth of the setting". To my mind, your wanting the text to explicitly challenge and condemn this belief of Frey's also counters your claim that you want the text to be less didactic as opposed to just differently didactic.

4: (a) and (c) hold, and it's possible that Trinica believes it as well. But it's only a canonical truth in the sense that certain characters in canon believe it, as with (3) I think there's a difference (at least in fiction) between not explicitly challenging or condemning a viewpoint and presenting it as a valid and objective ethical judgement.

5: Aristotle defined a tragic figure as someone whose misfortune is brought about by some error of judgement. So yes, I agree that Trinica is a tragic figure and that (a) and (b) hold. But I'm not sure what it is about Trinica being a tragic figure that you find offensive?

Whereas I do find it offensive that you characterise her nineteen year old self as a "china doll". We aren't given that much detail about her life at the time but we do know that she was a wealthy heiress and trained pilot capable of romancing Frey against her family's wishes, convincing Frey to say he'd marry despite his reluctance, and even after her suicide attempt and miscarriage able to steal some money and fly off alone in a small aircraft. Yes she was emotionally vulnerable enough to fall obsessively in love with Frey and attempt suicide when he left her standing pregnant at the altar, but to me the rest of that sounds fairly awesome, not particularly badly off and not particularly "china doll" like either.

Whereas she then spent years being raped and abused, stuck in a situation where she had to use her sexuality as a tool for survival and advancement and a culture where violence and murder are commonplace, then remaining in that culture while denying her sexuality and attempting to present herself as something undesirable. Laying aside the fact that despite the way it's glamorised by fiction and cultural mythology piracy is actually rather horrible, her position as a pirate captain may be capable but whether it's more independent than her early life is a position open to much debate. It's also a position in which I'd say that she possesses a lot more 'public agency' but a lot less 'personal agency', and one which I see as reinforcing and perpetuating the psychological damage she's suffered. So yes, I do think she is a great deal worse off.

A lot of the argument about what is and is not Frey's PoV seems to come down to the question of whether it is right that he "does not pity" Trinica.

I think that's in large part due to the choice of example paragraph!

"suicide is cowardly" is one of the most repugnant ideas to go unchallenged in popular opinion, and a text that repeats it without condemning it reinforces it.

I'd find it really intrusive to have an explicit condemnation, and I think the text does challenge it by showing that Trinica is most definitely not a coward.

To close, I just reread the last chapter of the book and noticed something I didn't before this discussion. When Trinica has Frey (and his crew) at her mercy she lets him go with the following dialogue, which I think stands by itself:

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http://ignisophis.livejournal.com/

at 20:44 on 2010-09-16Oops, missed a blockquote closure in my comment, hope the site admins can edit to make it a bit more readable?

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Arthur B

at 22:05 on 2010-09-16

To be clear, I don't consider Frey unreliable in his recounting of facts but I do consider him unreliable in the way he judges and presents those facts. Not due to explicit cues in the text, but by evaluating his judgements and presentations in relation to my own experiences of the real world, in the same way as Melissa suggests the audience is meant to pick up on aspects of "Lolita".

But doesn't this mean that you end up disagreeing with Frey's assessment of his world because you don't buy into his preconceptions and biases, whereas someone who did share his preconceptions would just find them reinforced?

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Niall

at 09:02 on 2010-09-17Arthur: possibly, but (a) I'd be willing to bet that there's no way to write about a character like Frey that a person like Frey wouldn't find a way to sympathise with, (b) Even if you could find a way to make this hypothetical person-Frey find character-Frey unsympathetic, I would imagine they'd just dislike the book rather than be challenged or changed by it, and (c) I don't think it's literature's job to be concerned with the reactions of a hypothetical person-Frey.

I expect to get some disagreement here on (c), and to an extent I'm going to immediately walk it back, because I think that what is missing from ignisophis' analysis -- while I am broadly more in agreement with his reading than Dan's -- is a sense of a structural argument. Trinica's psychological vulnerability isn't offensive just because it's there, it's offensive because there isn't a broad enough range of female characters in the novel for it to seem exceptional, and because there isn't a broad enough range of characters in the sf and fantasy genres for it to seem exceptional; that is, it plays into prevalent and damaging stereotypes.

I would prefer that stories not do that, he said, with heavy understatement. But that's because of how

I

react to it, not because of how I worry other people might react to it. I don't think it's sustainable, and I do fear that it's arrogant, to pronounce on the latter.

As I say, I agree with much of the rest of ignisophis' response to Dan's five points, particularly

I think it's a considerable leap to go from "not challenged by the text" to "the canonical truth of the setting"

. Absence of endorsement is not endorsement of absence, and as I've already said, I didn't feel shepherded towards one interpretation as Dan did. (In fact, where the female characters are concerned, I was more bothered by Jez than by Trinica (or Amalicia), pretty much because I didn't believe what I was told about Frey's exes -- to build on ignisophis' point, I think the "straightforwardness he'd previously found charming" is a clear hint that young Trinica was

not

precisely the delicate flower Frey imagines her to be -- whereas we get Jez's point of view.) At the same time,

Retribution Falls

is not a good enough book that I want to die in a ditch over it. Also, I'm now late for work. Oops.

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Arthur B

at 09:52 on 2010-09-17

Arthur: possibly, but (a) I'd be willing to bet that there's no way to write about a character like Frey that a person like Frey wouldn't find a way to sympathise with, (b) Even if you could find a way to make this hypothetical person-Frey find character-Frey unsympathetic, I would imagine they'd just dislike the book rather than be challenged or changed by it, and (c) I don't think it's literature's job to be concerned with the reactions of a hypothetical person-Frey.

Ah, but my problem with ignisophis's analysis isn't just it lets people who already agree with Frey off the hook, it also isn't especially helpful for people who already agree with Frey.

If this really is a book the reader has to resort to things that they already know and believe to cobble together an interpretation, which is what ignisophis appears to be saying, then the book isn't really bringing anything new to the table. It's not opening their eyes to another way of looking at the world because it's just asking them to resort to theirs, it's not putting forward any new ideas so much as throwing out facts for people to whip into shape using their own ideas, it's not communicating anything meaningful because the reader finds no meaning or message which they didn't already completely believe in when they picked the book up.

This is something which is, to borrow Dan's terms from the start of an article, alright if you're just talking about a low-investment romp but is troubling if it's something that gets shortlisted for an award. Major landmarks of the SF genre - or any genre, or fiction in general - need to do something more than just saying "Meh, I dunno guys, what do you think?"

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Niall

at 10:18 on 2010-09-17Philosophy-of-awards as well as philosophy-of-reading, eh? It's like you're deliberately

trying

to distract me from work... :-)

I was surprised to see

Retribution Falls

on the Clarke shortlist, I think a lot of people were surprised, there were plenty of books I would rather have seen shortlisted, and had it won, I would have been upset for pretty much the reasons you outline. That said, part of the reason I was surprised was that books like

Retribution Falls

-- by which I mean adventure novels -- just don't get shortlisted for the Clarke very often. And in principle, I would like a definition of "the best science fiction novel of the year" to be able to include really good adventure novels, which do after all make up the bulk of what gets published as sf. So there was an extent to which I was happy to see it on the shortlist, even though I think it's pretty disposable, because it represents an assertion that this sort of thing

can

be the best sf has to offer, and because when reading the six shortlisted books in quick succession, it was a change of pace.

I would be interested to know what people make of

The Fade

, Wooding's previous novel, which I read several years ago and much less attentively than I read

Retribution Falls

, but which I remember as significantly more interesting (and better) on some of the issues we've been discussing here. I'm also quite tempted, now, to pick up the RF sequel

Black Lung Captain

, just to see how things pan out...

Also:

Absence of endorsement is not endorsement of absence

That doesn't actually make any sense at all, does it? Just forget I typed it, stick with what ignisophis wrote.

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Niall

at 10:19 on 2010-09-17

really good adventure novels, which do after all make up the bulk of what gets published as sf.

That is, adventure novels make up the bulk of what's published as sf. Really good adventure novels, sadly, seem to be thin on the ground.

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Arthur B

at 11:14 on 2010-09-17

And in principle, I would like a definition of "the best science fiction novel of the year" to be able to include really good adventure novels, which do after all make up the bulk of what gets published as sf.

Oh, I think there are books that qualify as classics of the genre that basically boil down to being adventure novels - like anything Jack Vance ever wrote. But ideally your pure adventure novel should say "Hey, I'm a pure adventure novel, I'm not trying to say anything profound", which is at least a positive statement, rather than being an abstention from making any kind of statement at all.

(Of course Dan would argue that Redemption Falls doesn't abstain from making any kind of statement at all, but I'm not tackling that so much as I'm taking issue with ignisophis's stance that you can work out how the book is intended to come across by resorting to your own personal knowledge and preconceptions rather than anything in the text.)

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Melissa G.

at 17:53 on 2010-09-17

I'm taking issue with ignisophis's stance that you can work out how the book is intended to come across by resorting to your own personal knowledge and preconceptions rather than anything in the text.)

I see what you're saying here (I think). To bring it back to my original example of Lolita, the only people who will find Humbert Humbert offensive and creepy and wrong are the people who already think "pedophilia is bad". Any pedophile reading the book is likely to walk away thinking, "Yes, exactly, he totally gets it!" The smart, non-pedophile reader will vilify Humbert Humbert, whereas a creepy child-molesting reader is likely to vilify Lolita, that damn little cocktease.

The book does require people to come to it with the preconception of "pedophiles are creepy and wrong", and honestly most people do. Unfortunately for "Retribution Falls" (and I've not read it so I'm just going on what the article/comments have said), most people do not come to a sci-fi novel with a preconceived notion of feminism and an expectation of strong females characters because, as Niall said, it plays into "dangerous stereotypes". These tropes exist so strongly in SF/Fantasy that it's more difficult to assume that the reader will know not to take Frey's attitude as how we are meant to view the world. Granted, this gets into "assuming your reader is an idiot" which can be even more infuriating, but I think this might be what some people are taking issue with. Correct me if I'm wrong. :-)

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Sister Magpie

at 18:25 on 2010-09-17I don't want to weigh in on Retribution Falls since I haven't read it, but I remember Lolita as having a few moments where Nabakov seemed to make it clear that Humbert was wrong too. For instance, doesn't he get sick when he catches sight of Quilty watching Lolita innocently playing with a dog and obviously perving on her, as if he's looking at himself from the outside? And one thing I do remember is one passage where Humbert is describing their happy life together and almost accidentally talks about Lolita crying herself to sleep at night.

The book is mostly in his pov but iirc Nabakov had a real history of writing unreliable narrators so that became a central idea of the book. Pale Fire has a seemingly insane person writing notes on a poem, Despair (I think it was?) is a novel about a guy who finds his exact double...except only the narrator actually thinks they look alike. I'm not sure if this author has the same interest?

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Dan H

at 22:03 on 2010-09-17

I don't want to weigh in on Retribution Falls since I haven't read it, but I remember Lolita as having a few moments where Nabakov seemed to make it clear that Humbert was wrong too

Humbert Humbert is fairly unambiguously wrong in Lolita. This is what I really don't get about "viewpoint" arguments - it's entirely possible for a book to be written from the point of view of a character and still be critical of that point of view.

Heck, Retribution Falls does this with its other viewpoint characters. Crake's chapters are full of his comments about how awful and common everybody else is, but it is extraordinarily clear from the way the book is written that we are supposed to disagree with him.

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Dan H

at 23:28 on 2010-09-17

In this context I'm using 'sympathetic character' to mean 'a character in whose circumstances I could potentially see myself having similar reactions and making similar choices'.

Umm, then you're using a very weird definition of "sympathetic".

I *sympathized* with Humbert Humbert. I wouldn't marry a woman just so I could fuck her daughter.

To be clear, I don't consider Frey unreliable in his recounting of facts but I do consider him unreliable in the way he judges and presents those facts.

But his judgment of those facts is reinforced by the way other people behave and what other people say about him.

. The crucial error is his assumption that each step led inexorably to the next, as if his initial flight toppled the first in a line of dominoes.

Except that there is no evidence in the text that he is incorrect, and quite a lot of evidence in the text that he *is* correct.

My point is that the didacticism doesn't lie in the book itself but in your reading of it.

I think "didacticism" is actually the wrong word to use here. The book is *heavy handed*. It tells you very clearly and explicitly what to think about things. It's not a subtle text.

Again, I think you're seeing things in the text that aren't there ... The only people willing to risk anything for his sake (besides his crew) are Trinica Drecken and the Thades, all three of whom have solid motives for doing so.

But don't the crew, Trinica, and the Thades together represent all of the viewpoint characters and most of the incidental cast. Who's left to not give a damn about him, other than the Century Knights?

As I explained above, I don't think the text does provide strong evidence that he is right to think that way. Frey believes it, because he thinks everything is about him, but the reader hopefully has enough awareness of the real world to know that life doesn't work like that.

I really, really don't understand what you're saying here. You seem to be saying that because something is not true in real life, it should not matter if it is presented as being true in a book, because people will know it is not true in real life? That's *fairly clearly nonsense*.

Fiction, whatever fandom may believe, operates off a set of conventions which are not the conventions of reality. When a character reaches a conclusion as part of an arc which is *all about* their growing sense of personal responsibility and self-awareness, it is *ludicrous* to suggest that the conclusion is meant to be wrong.

Real life doesn't figure into it. I know that black people aren't subhuman monsters, does that mean that

On the Creation of Niggers

should not be interpreted as saying they are?

1 & 2: (a) and (b) hold. But I'm not sure why you're taking offence? People find many reasons to attempt suicide, and it seems odd to take offence at somebody being psychologically vulnerable.

It's offensive because it reduces Trinica to a commentary on Frey. It's offensive because it reinforces Frey's claim to have created Trinica which you've just insisted that the text doesn't reinforce. It's offensive because it contributes to the massive amounts textual evidence that Frey is actually basically right about both Trinica specifically, and about women in general.

If Frey wasn't a misogynist dickbag who believed women were fundamentally weak and needy, it wouldn't have been so much of a problem that the love of his life was fundamentally weak and needy. I might add that while people attempt suicide for a variety of reasons "in order to induce a miscarriage, in order to upset their ex boyfriend" is seldom one of them. Again it makes Trinica sound like a horrible, vicious, hysterical shrew and that's *not* Frey's viewpoint, that's what she's *actually like*.

3: (a) and (c) hold, but I think it's a considerable leap to go from "not challenged by the text" to "the canonical truth of the setting". To my mind, your wanting the text to explicitly challenge and condemn this belief of Frey's also counters your claim that you want the text to be less didactic as opposed to just differentlydidactic.

I genuinely don't understand how your mind works here.

So Frey makes a statement: Trinica's suicide attempt was an act of cowardice. This statement is presented as part of his emotional development, and is reinforced time and again in the narration.

What you seem to be doing is letting your preconceptions from outside the text colour your ability to see what is *actually there*. Frey's beliefs are never challenged, therefore they are facts within the context of the text. That is how fiction works.

4: (a) and (c) hold, and it's possible that Trinica believes it as well. But it's only a canonical truth in the sense that certain characters in canon believe it, as with (3) I think there's a difference (at least in fiction) between not explicitly challenging or condemning a viewpoint and presenting it as a valid and objective ethical judgement.

No. There isn't.

What the characters in a text believe is what is true in that text, unless there is some other evidence *within* the text that the characters are mistaken.

The Chronicles of Narnia are not about a world where superstitious people mistakenly worship a lion. Star Wars is not about a group of terrorists attacking the legitimate government of the galaxy. Twenty-Four is not a scathing attack on the War on Terror. Harry Potter is not about a manipulative headmaster tricking a selfish idiot-boy into killing himself.

That is not how fiction *works*.

5: Aristotle defined a tragic figure as someone whose misfortune is brought about by some error of judgement. So yes, I agree that Trinica is a tragic figure and that (a) and (b) hold. But I'm not sure what it is about Trinica being a tragic figure that you find offensive?

Broadly speaking, what I find offensive is the fact that she's a woman in a refrigerator.

Whereas I do find it offensive that you characterise her nineteen year old self as a "china doll".

Since every single piece of imagery we get of her nineteen year old self is one of fragility and vulnerability, I stand by my phrase.

Whereas she then spent years being raped and abused, stuck in a situation where she had to use her sexuality as a tool for survival and advancement and a culture where violence and murder are commonplace, then remaining in that culture while denying her sexuality and attempting to present herself as something undesirable.

All of which are infuriating, offensive stereotypes.

The notion that women can only get on in the world by "using their sexuality" (whatever the hell that means) is a myth which fits in *exactly* with Frey's brand of misogynist bullshit. Notice we're never actually told how Trinica got to be captain, only that she "used her sexuality" and of course because she's a WOMAN and therefore has MAGIC WOMAN POWERS that's enough. Because apparently a group of people who will happily rape the shit out of you will also be totally awed by the mystery of your womanhood.

Trinica's entire backstory is founded on rape myths and misogynist bullshit. It is *impossible for her to exist* in a world in which a bunch of offensive, apologist bullshit about rape, sexuality and sexual power are not canonically true.

I'd find it really intrusive to have an explicit condemnation, and I think the text does challenge it by showing that Trinica is most definitely not a coward.

When?

Trinica is totally a coward. She's weak, pathetic and trapped. Hell you say as much yourself when you talk about how much worse off she is now than when she was an heiress. She's totally broken by everything that happens to her and transparently has nothing left to live for. She does dangerous shit, but that's because she's effectively dead already.

To close, I just reread the last chapter of the book and noticed something I didn't before this discussion. When Trinica has Frey (and his crew) at her mercy she lets him go with the following dialogue, which I think stands by itself:

You don't think maybe that was just a cheap cop-out to avoid having yet *another* improbable escape?

Whatever she says (after all, aren't you the one who insists that what characters say can't be taken at face value) her *entire life* still revolves around Frey. Her *entire purpose* in the book is to provide Frey with something to angst about.

She's an awful, stereotypical, insulting character.

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Niall

at 09:50 on 2010-09-18

Crake's chapters are full of his comments about how awful and common everybody else is, but it is extraordinarily clear from the way the book is written that we are supposed to disagree with him.

Can you pin down what the difference is? Ideally, I guess, with examples, which specific sentences you think make clear we're meant to disagree with Crake, the ones that are missing from Frey's chapters. I feel like we're getting a bit lost in the generalities, at this point.

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Alasdair Czyrnyj

at 01:04 on 2011-06-18Well, I've started on Dan's old copy of this book (Thanks again for shipping it to me!), and right now I'm in broad agreement with his assessment of Capt. Cockspank. I've read stuff that's worse than this (I'm looking at you, Stephen Hunt and George Mann), and I give Wooding credit for avoiding the creepy ultraviolence those guys like to delve into, but RF is really a shallow book. I've haven't run into Trinica yet, but I've got past Frey's encounter with Amalicia at the convent, and that whole sequence was pretty sophomoric.

Actually, this whole thing has started me wondering about how George Macdonald Fraser managed to make Flashman as much of a pig as Frey and still be a fun character to read about. Right now I'm juggling between Flashman's self-awareness, the fact that his transgressions always come back to bite him in the ass, and the simple fact that he's actually funny and has a brain or two in his head.

(On a side note, the story has me wondering yet again how vulnerable the "air pirate" pseudosubsubgenre is to technological progress. Most of the stuff I've seen never seems to stray much beyond the 1920s and 1930s tech-wise, so I'm wondering if this is a fantasy realm that can't survive in an era of radar, missiles, and jet engines. Hey, I'm a child of alternate history. This is how we think, dammit!)

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/0txE6GYMzdiwjPOqDTwLdeHMvOdijS5Jm1c-#9995a

at 05:52 on 2011-06-18

On a side note, the story has me wondering yet again how vulnerable the "air pirate" pseudosubsubgenre is to technological progress. Most of the stuff I've seen never seems to stray much beyond the 1920s and 1930s tech-wise, so I'm wondering if this is a fantasy realm that can't survive in an era of radar, missiles, and jet engines.

It's probably possible, but you'd run the risk of jumping straight from "air pirates" to "space pirates" toting lasers that can vaporise half a mile of woodland countryside in the blink of an eye.

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/0txE6GYMzdiwjPOqDTwLdeHMvOdijS5Jm1c-#9995a

at 10:34 on 2011-06-18

It's probably possible

I meant to put in "to write a novel featuring air pirates in a modernistic setting" right after that. Sorry, bit of an oversight on my behalf.

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https://profiles.google.com/Iaculoid

at 12:38 on 2011-06-18You could probably take some cues from modern pirates, like the ones operating off the coast of Somalia. Our hypothetical air pirates would probably fly fast, stealthy, and heavily-customised craft up-gunned from civilian marques and 'liberated' from their country's collapsed military, forcing down every cargo plane and airliner that enters their airspace and ransoming off their crew and payloads to the parent countries.

All you'd need is a slight advance in aircraft technology and its general commercial availability, as a matter of fact.

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Arthur B

at 13:57 on 2011-06-18

All you'd need is a slight advance in aircraft technology and its general commercial availability, as a matter of fact.

Perhaps not even that. Posit a Cold War era proxy war in which the US or Soviets armed one side with an air force... let the proxy war (and the superpower funding) die off with the end of the Cold War, and have all of these planes sat there with nobody especially keen on asking for them back (because that'd mean admitting the superpower's level of involvement in the war) and no effectual government to take charge of them. Throw in a bunch of fighter pilots owed a heap of back pay and with families to clothe and feed and protect in the anarchy that the war has left behind.

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https://profiles.google.com/Iaculoid

at 16:46 on 2011-06-18Indeed so. You'd even see several piratical conventions return with the aid of modern technology, like flying under false colours. Instead of, say, baiting in pirates with a lumbering freighter hiding a company of heavily-armed marines on board, you'd see stuff like military fighters using radar-reflectors to disguise themselves as juicy, tempting commercial aircraft.

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Alasdair Czyrnyj

at 01:11 on 2011-06-21Wow, you guys are all way more creative about modern air piracy that I am. I've toyed with the idea once or twice, but I just ended up decided that the precision machinery/know-how needed to keep modern planes going would be too much for a pirate outfit to afford. (Then again, I've rarely wondered about where airship pirates get their hydrogen/hydrogen knockoff, so maybe I'm being too close-minded here.)

Anyway, I've finished the book, and I've got to agree with the general consensus. I personally found that Frey's arc essentially read as a transition from a self-centered asshole to a self-promoting asshole (a.k.a. The Kirk09 Character Arc). I personally found Jez the most interesting character, though I felt she needed a meatier role (perhaps in a better book than the one she got stuck in).

One thing really irked me though, and it's something I haven't seen any other reviewers pick up on: the pilot Harkins. In the one chapter where he gets to be a viewpoint character, his interior monologue makes it clear that he's suffering from a pretty severe form of PTSD. And yet, his main purpose in the book is to be mocked for his "cowardice."

Not cool at all.

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https://profiles.google.com/Iaculoid

at 22:25 on 2011-06-21Yeah, I think that if you're disputing modern air-pirate concepts on grounds of realism (particularly Arthur's very down-to-earth redundant-pilots scenario), then you probably need to ask yourself some serious questions about why there weren't vast fleets of corsair zeppelins floating above London in the '20s.

In fact, I'd say that some old Cold War-surplus jets in a camouflaged airbase actually seem easier to operate than some fancy pirate airship. Could be wrong, though - my experience with airships is... less than exhaustive.

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http://ruderetum.blogspot.com/

at 09:03 on 2011-06-22I would think it is a question of familiarity. Airships have that air of classy obsoleteness about them, everybody knows they're not very practical as weapons of war and perhaps that whole slow ballooniousness makes them seem easier to supply and operate. Jet fighters on the other hand are well known as deadly and hugely expensive machines which require the financial capabilities of a nation state or a huge corporation to keep in the air. You also get the feeling that even if an airship has its problems, if it is filled and operational, it's quite autonomous; for example zeppelins flew to South America and back on a pleasure cruise. So a rogue airship, if it was armoured or whatever, could supply itself from the country side or land for a stop in different places, whereas a fighter needs a separate ground crew and all those facilities to remain operational from one day to the next.

So, airships could be more mobile basewise and thus it adds to the romance?

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Vermisvere

at 09:45 on 2011-06-22Perhaps the airship could serve as a mobile base and lift-off point for the jet fighters - sort of like a modern-day aircraft carrier, only airborne. Throw in some anti-aicraft turrets to be manned by the crew against hostile jets and airships and you've more or less got your pirate airship of the future.

In short, a militarised version of

this

.

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https://profiles.google.com/Iaculoid

at 14:18 on 2011-06-22Well, that'd certainly deal with the problem of having fixed, vulnerable airstrips on the ground for the military to demolish (though they'd best hope it's capable of landing planes of any size, or they'll still need somewhere to force their captives down onto). Plus it would serve as a convenient shorthand for 'hey, aircraft technology is really cheap and easy to use now!'.

Depends on how high-tech you want your air-pirates to be, I guess. Either daring, desperate wash-outs on a shoestring budget, or organised, brutally efficient criminals who are practically running a major corporate enterprise.

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http://ruderetum.blogspot.com/

at 14:21 on 2011-06-22Or an upgrade on

this

.

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Steve Stirling at 05:18 on 2011-07-13

I'm going to start by pointing out that having one female character out of seven is the worst possible option. Zero out of seven, and you have a setting in which women don't fly airships, which is absolutely fine. Put in exactly one, and you suddenly have a society where women are apparently perfectly accepted on the setting equivalent of the Spanish Main, but never the less you've only got one in your crew. Zero is a better number than one in this situation is all I'm saying.

-- not saying the book is good on male-female relations, but this bit is pretty accurate with respect to much of history. In other words, there -were- women pirates on the Spanish Main. Not many, but they existed, both in male disguise or 'disguise' and, still more rarely, as women.

And there was a well-known woman who became a captain in the Russian cavalry during the Napoleonic Wars, and was allowed to stay on by special order of the Czar after she was 'found out'.

The usual attitude was, inconsistently:

a) "everyone knows" that women are too weak, fragile and vulnerable to do this (for various values of 'this'), but;

b) Cynthia/Alice/Whoever is a good troop and we don't tell the Captain about her because she's hauling her weight and we need her, and besides she'd kill anyone who blabbed, like she did Frank.

In other words, women were present, but rarely; they weren't accepted, but could occasionally push their way in, with guile, luck, great ability and incredible determination.

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Michal

at 06:10 on 2011-07-13There's only one thing I thought when I saw that cover:

Airship Pirate!

[crossfit416]

New Post has been published on CrossFit 416

March 2017 Athlete of the Month: Jax Mattioli

First of all, tell us a little bit about yourself—where are you from, what do you do outside of the time you spend here, hobbies, fun facts, etc. anything goes! The more the better! What would you like people to know about you?

I grew up in Dundas, Ontario and still consider myself to be a small-town girl living in the city. I am fortunate to be able to spend most weekends at the cottage on Georgian Bay to keep me balanced with the chaos of city life. I love a new challenge, and spending time outdoors – I generally look for new sports to try, but prefer team/social sports to individual. I also love checking out the local dining scene in whichever city I am in, and love finding the hidden gems. I literally have a notepad in my iPhone with a list full of my favourite restaurants and those I still want to try across North America. Otherwise, you can find me playing ball on the beach with our dog Oban, Sailing or Cycling.

Life is extra busy right now as I am counting down the days (and $$$ L) until my wedding, this June, just outside of Charleston, South Carolina. I’m grateful for the support of all the coaches, especially Rachel, as I try to keep focused on regaining my pre-travel body and lifestyle habits, and to look good in my wedding dress of course J.

Tell us a little bit about your fitness history. What were you doing before you joined CrossFit 416? How did you find out about us? How was your first class here? How long have you been coming here? What has been the biggest factor in keeping you hooked at CF 416?

I played competitive softball for over 20 years at a provincial, national, and varsity level. I used to train and play 3-5 days a week, plus up to 8 tournament weekends. It was my life for a long time!!! Until I tore my shoulder playing for McMaster University. I trained and played one more season before deciding it was time to retire. After a year of physiotherapy, it was clear weightlifting was no longer an option, it was going to be a critical part of keeping my shoulder strong and pain free. So I replaced my 3-5 days of softball training with 3-5 days in the gym, obsessively reading about training. I added Cycling, Golf and Yoga and actually came to a place where I was the fittest I’d been since I was a kid.

Things all got complicated when I was promoted to a national role that had me travelling 3-4 weeks out of a month. That’s when I discovered CrossFit. I met a man in a hotel gym training a client; turns out he owned a box in Alberta. After I told him CrossFit wasn’t for me, he invited me to come to his box for a WOD, I declined, but accepted his dare to find a Box in Toronto and give it a shot.

My first class was BRUTAL—thanks, Luke!. Lol. I will never forget the 20 minute AMRAP: Push Ups, Sit Ups, and Air Squats. I remember leaving the class and texting a note back saying: “Thanks, but no thanks.” The next day, when I woke up, and EVERYTHING hurt – I wrote back and said “I think I’m in love…” That was it for me. That was before I fell head over heels in love with the amazing coaches and people I’ve met – of course now I could never leave.

If you could go back to that first class and give yourself some advice based on what you know and understand now, what would it be?

The only person you are ever competing against is yourself. I think any athlete would agree it can be difficult not to feel the nerves and pressure as barbells are smashing down around you and people are moving so fast. Also – mobility. I think I always went through the motions with softball warm ups, but really learned the importance of it in CrossFit – this sport will take your ego down a few levels and highlights every weakness you have!!! Lastly, leverage the coaches. Whether you are new to CrossFit or a veteran, CrossFit 416 is stacked with some amazing people who can quickly assess your form and help you work with your body to get the most out of your workouts and improve faster than you will on your own. Even when you think you’ve mastered it, bad habits are easy to build. Ask for a form check from time to time, you won’t regret it!

What is your favourite movement in CrossFit? Why?

I actually have a love/hate for Wallballs. LOL I hate them while I am doing them, but honestly, I can’t get enough of the pain in my butt and legs the next day. I know they work! Also, I love lunges and have come to enjoy rowing. Did I actually just say that?

Aaaand your least favourite movement and why?

I would trade Thrusters for just about anything else. They are my sore spot for sure. Barbells, dumbbells, doesn’t matter, I have a big time hate-on for Thrusters. Showing up on a Thruster day is hard.

If we could create a Hero WOD named “Jax”, what would it be? Movements, rep schemes, rounds, length of time, etc. all variables are yours to unleash your programming creativity here!

Let’s Tabata all my favourites!!!

8 Rounds of each :20 on :10 off

Overhead Plate Lunges

Ball Slams

Rowing

Toes to Bar/Post

Wall Balls

Ring Rows

Ring Dips

  Is that too much? J What is the favourite place you’ve travelled to? Why? Where are you planning on going next?

Gosh, I have travelled a lot but will say there are still so many places I want to see! One of my favourite places, however, is a little barrier Island outside of Charleston, South Carolina called Kiawah Island. It is part of what they call “Lowcountry” and rich with history, architecture, and some of the most amazing food in North America. There is something about Southern Hospitality and charm that makes you feel worlds away, or as if you have stepped back in time.

Kiawah Island itself sits on the Atlantic Ocean, it is a private residential island about with a beach strip 10 miles long. Once you arrive, you can literally park your car and move about the island on bicycle. One of my favourite things to do is ride through the streets admiring the multi-million dollar plantation style homes on the way up to the Ocean Course Golf Club, enjoy a bottle of our favourite wine and some lunch on the patio before letting the wind push us all the way back down the beach on our bicycles.

We love it so much we will be heading back in just a few short months for our own low-country intimate seaside wedding in June. After that I will go back to my bucket list and pick another spot.

How do you like your toast?

I like my toast thick and crusty, golden brown like it’s been meticulously torched by a fine dining pastry chef, topped with crunchy peanut butter and a thick layer of creamed local honey. YUM!

Tell us something about yourself no one might ever guess about you.

I am bizarrely shy and hate being the center of attention unless it’s part of a team, and I’m not big on surprises, hahaha. Yep, my nooners can attest I would kill myself in a WOD just not to end up having a crowd around me cheering me on. I once followed the office crowd into the office they planned to surprise me in for my birthday, and yelled surprise before they even knew I was in the room. The only surprise I liked was when my fiancé proposed, because he kept it simple and private on the beach at our cottage. Trust me, I was still awkward!!!

What are three things we would always find in your fridge?

Multiple Nut Butters, Eggs, Maple Syrup

Who inspires you?

My fiancé Cameron. I met him as he was training for an Ironman Race. A gruelling 140.6 miles of Swimming, Cycling and Running. He encouraged me to run a 13.1 mile half marathon, I don’t think I ever did a single training run I didn’t complain about. I don’t know how he ran a 26.2 mile marathon after 7 hours of swimming and cycling. He never complained when training, just just got up and got it done. It definitely hurt, and it wasn’t easy, so he either has the pain tolerance of a god or the focus and determination of a first class athlete. That is inspiring.

Otherwise, it’s the members at CF 416 who push themselves every day. I would probably take the slacker way out if Coach Derya wasn’t watching and pushing me on my weight selection each day.

What is your proudest accomplishment thus far in life?

Realizing I can survive just about anything and that I can find gratitude even in the worst times. I would have to say I’m also pretty proud of my people collecting skills – I am surrounded by some of the most diverse and amazing people who have been a greater part of my journey than they will ever personally know. I have learned a lot about life, the ups and downs, the ins and outs, but mostly – the importance of people. You never know how you will touch someone’s life, what they struggle with, or how you might affect their journey, be kind, be true, be open. We are all in this together.

What is your most embarrassing childhood/teenage infatuation/trend/fad, etc. that you wholeheartedly prescribed to?

Geez, that’s a tough one. I generally hate fads. I am plain Jane and could probably pull something out of the closet from 15 years ago that wouldn’t truly show its age. LOL But I will admit, I was a boy band kind of girl and sucker for a love song. Still am, hahaha

[rose-photoblog]

How to prepare for the best wedding photos: True confessions of a portrait perfectionist!

Dear Diary,

Hi I’m Rose and I’m a Portrait Perfectionist! As I begin to share more about the process that drives me and my team of real life, professional wedding and portrait photographers, I am really excited to dig into offering up many ‘best practices’ in a variety of areas to help ensure you receive the best wedding day photos, ever! And now that Rose Photo is also offering video, what better way to share the methods we use in creating perfect media than to give a few #bestpractices so you can ensure your wedding day photos and video are stunning and totally true to your love story!

TIP 1 : TIMELINE

As type A as you may ( or may not be), I have found over the past 12 years in the wedding world that an extra curated timeline that helps to prioritize your priorities, can be super helpful; after all, it is your wedding!

Planning for enough time to gracefully and gently move through the wedding day as you wake up and begin to get ready is key to arriving at your ceremony calmly and excited for the party ahead.

If you can guide the start time of your ceremony later than earlier, this frees up so much more time for time with your people as the day starts, beautiful getting ready photos, and maybe even a first look!

TIP 2. HIRE PROFESSIONALS

This may seem like an absolute no brainer but we can’t say it enough! From your trial updo for your wedding day hair through your wedding planner, your ‘I do Crew’ should be made up of serious pros!! One of our extremely helpful dream team favorites is a bridal dresser.

A bridal dresser can assist you with the transport, storing, displaying, dressing, buttoning, zippering, bustling, unbustling, bustling again and keeping that train on full display, amongst many other Wedding Industry tricks!

He or she is undoubtedly also very attentive to detail and will rest your qualms about dress dealings, back boob, bustle blunders and a million and one other things we’ve seen and things they’ve fixed! Pair their fashion eye with our camera eye and you won’t even know they were there.

TIP 3. TO FIRST LOOK OR NOT TO FIRST LOOK

Ok let’s break down the first look, shall we?? There are generally two camps for the First Look.

Camp A: ‘Heck yes let’s do first look and ugly cry in that cute way together, privately and have Rose + Co perched in the stairwell, treetop, rafters, or atop a nearby cab car! That would be so sweet and then we can take fun photos with our crew around the area before the ceremony even starts and maybe even knock out family formals, too’!!

Camp B: ‘Hmmm, well both of our families are SUPER traditional and we aren’t sure if we really want to see each other beforehand. Maybe it’s bad luck? Maybe I’m just really old fashioned? Either way we really just want to keep it real and walking down the aisle will be the magic!!’

Whichever camp you are in is totally cool. Again, it is your day! From my experience over the past dozen years, I will say this: If you are on the fence, planning for more time for just the two of you is never, ever a bad idea. The wedding will zoom by in a snap and whilst it is so key to celebrate with all your amazing pals you’ve brought together for the occasion, a few minutes here and there with just the two of you, #priceless!

My crew and I are actually photo ninjas so you won’t even know we are there. And, if you choose to stick to the isle for the eye contact experience of a lifetime, we will be sure to follow all the rules of the altar and swing from only the strongest chandeliers to get that first emotional look!!

Think about it and in the meantime, enjoy Nina + Jim’s picture-perfect first look brought to by two photo ninjas and one video sansei.

TIP 4. LOCATION!! LOCATION!! LOCATION!!

Much like a prime timeline, locations for the best wedding photos ever are very important. Quite literally they are the backdrop to create next-level portraits of you, your boo and your entire wedding crew.

Now let’s say your wedding party is just the two of you and you are super low key, private and maybe don’t even want that many photos. PERF!! We will dial up the best, most intimate little spots, en route and dodging traffic to get you to your party on time, even if you make a later appearance ;)

Now let’s say your wedding party is 12 people on either side, 4 flower girls, two ring bearers man, a mini labradoodle and a cockatoo!? OK we can work with that, too!! Buttttt, we would highly suggest a separate set of transportation of the children and animals. Just saying!!

Either way, we need wide-open spaces where everyone fits, can form a ‘Flying V’ ( I still dream in Mighty Ducks speak and Ducks fly together, ok!?) and also have the opportunity to set up the penultimate cover shot I know you are dreaming of with your entire possé!

TIP 5. DON’T FORGET THE DETAILS

Shiny is the new…everything! I’ve confessed this in other RP Diary Entry and I promise to be buried in a pile of sparkle or at least be shot from a canon in the midst of a glitter bomb! But that’s just me ;)

The point I’d like to share here is the details of your day, whether they are shiny, matte, lacey, velvet or whatever your hearts desire, the little details deserve as much limelight as they can get. If you have all your goodies together in one beautiful, big day box, we can be sure to give each item it’s own mini fashion shoot, promise!

You can start from the ground up and build your detail box from your shoes, onto your **unmentionables**, to your jewelry, hair accessories, and even your fab sunnies! Of course, it goes without saying any family heirloom or VIP piece of shiny gets bumped up the shot list. Keeping that previously suggested timeline in mind, we love to have about 30 minutes or so with all the good props of your fabulous wedding style to get those detail shots. Carve out a few more minutes for us and we get to comb the venue for amazing decor and architectural shots, too!

TIP 6. POSED BUT NOT TOO POSEY

I honestly catch myself saying this line almost every, single day! ‘We direct you naturally!’ Meaning, I will ask you and your bridal party to line up with a general directive, ‘Dresses over here! Suits over there!’ and then give people a minute to find their way to a spot.

Here’s where it gets fun- I sorta glaze over in a stare and figure out how everyone would stand if I didn’t tell them how to stand a certain way and just adjust their attire, flowers, chin, sunglasses, red solo cup…you get the idea! Once we have a comfortable but distinguished looking crew in front of the RP lens, we get snapping. As mentioned, I’m always on the lookout for that Vanity Fair cover shot!

I also like to make sure there is an equal amount of candid photos or, candies as we love to call them! My very favorite yet ultimate cheesy directive to give is literally ‘LOL!’ I sometimes even scream it!! And people, naturally, LOL bc WTF is our wedding photographer doing right now?! Getting your best side, that’s what she’s doing, baby!!

TIP 7. SEEING EYE TO EYE ON VISION

When you are looking to hire your wedding photography and video team that will seamlessly produce the best documentation of your love story, be sure to track them on all the outlets where you can find their work.

Ask to see their vision through and through if it does not stand out initially to you. Requesting website links to weddings shot in your wedding venue, work showing your preferred florist or hairstylists’ creations, or even having worked in very specific lighting conditions is a great way to see that the crew you hire shares your aesthetic and vision for the exact end result you would will love to review for years to come.

Websites are great places to dig into once you’ve found your way out of the Instagram rabbit hole. Almost true story: we actually live in IG land and only venture out of our phones for weddings !! Really though, we do spend a lot of time curating our Rose Photo feed to reflect our most recent projects including our couples’ anniversary shout outs, new members of families and of course, we get super excited for our wedding to be featured publications both online and in print!

Our Rose Photo + Video web experience contains even more photo gems and video tear-jerkers to show our vision through and through. We often get asked to send specific links we can reference back to our URL and even other vendors that share our same vision of wedding day perfection.

TIP 8. MAKE SURE YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER GETS YOUR STORY {MY FAVE POINT}

How did you two meet? When did you get engaged? Do you live together? Where’s your favorite spot on a sunny afternoon to hang out? Are you so excited for all the fan fair or would you rather not be the center of everyone’s attention for the day? These are key points for your photo and video team to know about you so they can see you best.

I’ll just say it: I’m downright nosy! love to get into your business about your love story. The more details I know and can share with my team on your coming together, the better the output of good, juicy moments. I mean it. It’s real.

It’s our job to tell your love story with multimedia tools, pro tricks, and secrets of the trade. I endlessly fall in love with my job over and over again; I tend to cry at almost all my weddings and I promise it is not out of sheer exhaustion. Weddings inspire and energize me because it’s a love story and I’m a big old, hopeful romantic.

Even as our RP team of storytellers grows to include more trained photojournalists and videographers, portrait perfectionists, and image creators, I get to keep dreaming up big shots for the best wedding day experience for our couples so we can tell that love story seamlessly.

I hope this entry was helpful and if you’d like to hear tips from other areas of wedding daydreams, drop me a note! I would love to hear from you.

I’ve got to get back to my tripod as I set up the next perfect portrait!

love,

Rose