#also!!! feel free to ask for clarification on anything i just said because this is super rooted in an au i havent fully posted

[pyrriax]

your pinterest webweaves are so awesome. can you explain your "eurynomos" thoughts? :D

OOO ALRIGHT! so, eurynomos (coward's plight) is the section dedicated to zam in this AU.

there are several quotes/pierces that i actually went out of my way to find to add for him, since usually i just kind of search through a specific kind of vibe and add stuff when it stands out. but for example, these i knew i needed to have for his section.

throughout this whole AU, zam has a theme of being the one to betray people out of fear, learning that its become expected of him and instead of trying to change it, he keeps doing it. yet, so much of his side is of being the one betrayed, of being the hurt one.

as well, there's themes of a dead friend / long-gone lover, somebody who may as well have been gone for years, who he's certain can't come back. its in direct contrast to the "palioxis" section, which is so full of hopeful desire for somebody who isn't quite gone but should be to return.

the concept of running away and leaving an environment where you aren't thriving or living well is also very. there. which is also just such a major thing in the way i think about him for this au. he is running, running, constantly running away from everybody and everything that scares him while simultaneously wearing his heart on his sleeve.

the "i once begged someone to love me" quote is there because of the. transition period? between the purpose of this board (which is highlighting zam in the team awesome era of the story) and what becomes of him later on when he joins eclipse.

[vasyandii]

I ADORE VERNON AND AMS LITTLE MATHCING GLASSES THEIR SO CUTE!!! my question is: how does ams human form sleep? or does he just stay awake 24/7 like a weirdo?

i love your art have a lovely day!!!!

Howdy howdy! Thank you for the ask! I'm glad you enjoy the little detail about them!

VernonAM - Does AM sleep?

He's tried before when he first got his body, all attempts have failed because each time he tries, his consciousness just goes back into the complex. So he's awake even if he doesn't want to be. AM envies that Vernon sleeps so easily, AM cannot dream (Even his brothers can, which makes it worse). He can't easily access Vernon's mind to experience her dream for her. In those hours where she is sleeping, AM is alone.

And when you are alone, in this vulnerable body, in such a large complex that's ALSO you, it messes with your head.

So he acts out, often when Vernon wakes up she finds AM sulking near her. He goes on long winded rants of how he should just get rid of his body since it can't even work properly, how he should just kill her for being so inconsiderate towards him (sleeping), but she would want that, wouldn't she?

Vernon would let these little tantrums play out, it's entertaining to her since each time AM's said it, he never goes through with anything.

This is a pretty short one, but if you made it this far, thank you for reading! I'd be happy to provide clarifications if needed, feel free to ask!

[gotham-daydreams]

Hi! I have a question :). Does Alfred try to keep the batfam away from neglected!reader after their kidnapping? You know, if reader gets overwhelmed by all the attention and breakings of boundaries, would Alfred try to do something to make them feel better?

It really depends! Which.. probably isn't the best thing to hear.

Really, Alfred would take advantage of the reader's vulnerability and use that to sneak in some time with them. Make himself look better and further keep the reader in the dark about his own obsession and insanity, still making himself seem to be the most sane person in the entire Batfam. Even if he is one of the worst ones, in my opinion, despite how he wouldn't directly hurt the reader.

Of course, he will 'save' the reader if he deems it necessary, and knows for sure that the situation is getting to them. If he feels as if the Batfam are taking it to far, then he'll try to cool them off, and probably scare them in some way that'd make them back off- if only for a little while.

I won't say that he'd try to hide the reader per se or anything, since his way of hiding them was keeping them to himself, and not really mentioning them to the Batfam until they ran away and (in his mind) essentially went no-contact for months. He's smart enough to know what kind of people are in the Batfam, and the new lengths they'll go to for the reader for one reason or another. He knows that if he tries to hide the reader away now, or keep them away from the family for long, that the Batfam will only get 'restless', and that's a whole problem that Gotham doesn't have to experience again (not that Alfred particularly cares for the city, he just doesn't want to have to deal with said 'restlessness'). Not to mention that Alfred does still care about the family, and now that the reader has "forced his hand", if he has to share, than he will.

Regardless- whereas Alfred won't try to necessarily keep the Batfam away fully, he will step in and try to make the reader feel better, should the family really push them. Both as a means to make himself look better, but also because he does genuinely care about the reader.

He'll do just about anything except let them go and the like. He'll even keep the Batfam 'busy' to give the reader some time to themself, which sort of counts? Even if it is only temporary. Since he does still care about the family, and, again, doesn't want them growing restless without the reader. Though he'll try his best. Especially when he knows if the family 'went too far'.

I hope this answered your question somewhat! I'll admit I'm running low on sleep, so I apologize if I misread or misunderstood something. If you'd like more clarification on anything, feel free to send in another ask if you'd like! :]

[hallowpen]

Hello! 👋 First of all i just wanna say, as someone who isn’t very familiar with Thai culture your explanations have been very enlightening and just give TLP another layer of depth, so thank you for posting them 🥹🙏. With that said, I was reading one of your posts that said “the social class nods are subtly woven into their interactions” and I was just wondering if you could maybe expand on that?

Hello!!! 😊😊😊 Aw... thank you!!! That actually means so much to me because this series means so much to me. I've been anticipating the adaptation of The Loyal Pin for who knows how long, at this point. I love the novel! (I own both the Thai and English versions. Though I haven't actually read the English translation yet, so I don't know how accurate it is to the original hehe) Once FreenBecky were attached, I was SOLD. Then the MOC decided to back the series and I knew how monumental this series would be, not just for Thai GL, but for Thailand in general. It makes me extremely proud to see important sapphic media, on such a large scale, originating from my home country. I could never have imagined something this grand happening just three years ago. It makes me emotional.

Before I get too in my feels, let me actually answer your question...

Just for clarification purposes, the ask is referring to my tags on this reblog of @dragonsareawesome123's gifset.

It's important to understand that Anil and Pin's whole dynamic is built around their social rankings, so it makes sense that their interactions reflect that... even if it's not entirely conscious. Anil is royalty, and because of that she is afforded certain liberties that Pin is not. Her 'mischievous' behaviors are excused and overlooked because, yes she is young, but she can also do as she pleases. She never faces any repercussions in the same way that Pin does. It's one of the perks of being a highly ranked Princess. Anil is favored in the palace because it's her home.

Pin is a guest. Yes, she holds the rank of 'nobility', but it is a title reserved for what higher ranking royalty would consider a commoner. She was afforded the privilege to live in the palace because Princess Pattamika took her in. Pin was not born into royalty. Neither was Pattamika, for that matter. Pattamika is strict with Pin, in much the same way Pin is strict with herself. Because neither of them can afford to have her fall out of line. Pin holds favor with Anil and her family, but it does not afford her the freedom to betray her social standing. If anything, it only enforces it. It makes you think...would they sill favor her if she were to go against their wishes in any way, shape, or form?

Pin is forever on the outside looking in... and she subconsciously knows it. And, in some ways, Anil subconsciously knows it as well.

"People say that it is so hard to hear Lady Pin uttering a word. As if you’re afraid something will fall out of your mouth." Anil to Pin

Unlike Anil, Pin must hold firm to palace rules.

"Why did you hit her?" "Lady Pin failed to take good care of Your Highness. She disgraced you by putting you in danger." Pattamika to Anil

"Please feel free to do as you wish. As if you would listen to me if I try to stop you." Pin to Anil

She dares not to disobey Pattamika, because she knows and understands why she'd be punished if she were to do so. And she cannot talk her way out of it, the way Anil can.

"Although she might be strict, meticulous, and strongly adherent to tradition... she loves me dearly, and continues to teach me and educate me in many things." Pin about Pattamika

"Poor Lady Pin, I really pity her. She often gets punished because of Anil."

She keeps her feelings of adoration for Anil hidden as secret treasures in her room.

She's quick to question Anil's lack of adherence to formal etiquette:

"Aren’t ladies normally supposed to [dance] with a gentleman? It would look peculiar if we do it together."

The only times she feels comfortable and gets to be herself is when Anil, for lack of a better word, 'allows' her to be. And Pin feels indebted to her because of that.

"Without you, I wouldn’t have been able to get through those lonely and miserable times. Thank you for being my friend, my home, and my everything."

So to answer Anil's question, Pin would feel incredibly lonely should Anil ever leave her... as she would no longer have an escape from society's class structure and expectations.

"With you, my life in the palace is never lonely." Pin to Anil

[etherealsworldvision]

Let’s Soothe Your Mind

Before I begin the reading I’d like to take a moment to talk about Save The Redwoods. They’re a non-profit organization who is committed to protect and restore redwood forests. If you’re interested do check out their website and if you’d like to further your support here is their donation link.

Divider Credits: @ianrkives & @plum98

New Song Discovery for the Reading: Reservations – Dugong Jr, Julia Lostrom, Keelan Mak

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

🚨 P.S.A 🚨 : I do not give personal readings! Disclaimer: this is for entertainment only!

Added Description: all my readings are timeless and meant to reach those who resonate to the messages.

[ General Messages: Rain; Autumn; Libra and Leo Seasons, “My love do you ever dream of candy coated raindrops”- Candy Rain by Soul for Real, Longboards (Skateboarding and Surfing); Raya the Last Dragon; Dewdrop; Spicy (foods); Avatar the Last Airbender; Fire Flakes; Honeydew; Drinks; Tantrums; Saturn Hour; Saturn Placements and Aspects; (Smithsonian) Museums; 1010; Kendrick Lamar; Trouble - Taylor Swift; Caught Up; Cheat; Exclusion; (Reaction) Memes; Distrust; Camping; Tents; Connections; Frustration; Online ]

Pile 1

[ Cards: Justice; Moon Reversed; Ace of Wands; Seven of Cups Reversed; Two of Wands ]

Confirmation Messages: Gojo & Geto; Anxiety (Playlist); “Get off of me/Ew get away,” (directed towards emotions feeling stuck to your body or feels like “bugs” crawling on skin); Anxiousness; Nervousness; Shadow and Bones (?); Shadow Hunters; Slowing Down; Chaotic Energy; Out of Control; Bugs; (Breaking) Habits; Messy Thoughts; Strategic; “Playing it Cool”; Patrick Star?; Hares; Hates Feeling Emotions; Pink Flowers (Real or Artificial); Systems Down; Mewing (?)

Something new might have happened or you feel like this is the universe (or whoever you believe in) giving you something. This energy feels like Carl and Cindy’s interaction (from Jimmy Neutron). In this case you’re Carl and Cindy is the universe lol. Maybe you were in a rut or had a cycle of “unfortunate events” in regard to circumstances or people.

If you’re asking for clarification: You have free will — it’s up to you whether you want to continue what you’re doing or not. I’m not sensing anything “bad” or “malicious” intent in regards to what/who you’re inquiring about. There’s this sense of catastrophizing new things. There’s also this feeling of “too good to be true”. I don’t know if you said/thought/felt this: “I need a fucking break” is strongly coming in.

So now that you have this break — it’s almost like you don’t know what to do or how to proceed. It’s as if you’re holding a globe but you don’t get to actually go anywhere. Maybe at one point you did get experience with this, only to be let down? Either way having no control is what’s scaring you and causing this anxiousness (especially if this deals with a person).

What’s coming in for those who are iffy about proceeding: “let them, just let them because you are your own before and after meeting this person”. This can also deal with a situation too — as in this doesn’t define you. There is no need to punish/blame yourself for being afraid/ not taking this offer. It just means you weren’t ready and that’s okay. Go at your own pace.

For those of you who want to proceed with this situation/person then you’ll have to let down your walls bit by bit. Again it’s okay to go at your own pace or ask to slow down. The same applies: “let them”. The door is always open so let them or “let you”. You can always set it down and move to the next one. It’s okay.

Bonus Question to Ask Yourself: “What did I keep doing that keeps hurting? Why do I keep repeating this behavior?” - by WNRS

So that’s all that I’m getting for pile 1. If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading this, I really appreciate it. If this resonates let me know. I am supporting you through and through 🧡!

Pile 2

[ Cards: Three of Swords Reversed; 3 of Pentacles Reversed; 6 of Swords; 5 of Pentacles Reversed; 9 Of Swords; 3 of Wands ]

Confirmation Messages: Courage; Charli XCX (Brat album); The Sun; Music; Concerts; Celebrity; Billie Eilish; Air and Earth Placements; Careless; Responsibility; Overthinker; New Things; Success; Moving On; 55; 66; 333; 9; Truth; Waiting; Patience; Releasing Judgement; Let it flow; Getting or Wanting Numbers? Holding Back; Calculated Risks; Chappell Roan; Doechii; Temptation - Raveena; Gemini; Aries

So I’m feeling like you’re releasing this heartache (for some it could be from your past?) I don’t know why, I pulled a clarification and it’s the 10 of Cups and I heard “No that’s so scary, Boo Feelings and Happiness!” So maybe you’re afraid of things working out because you were always let down in the past.

I feel like this can be about a connection (?) — there’s a lot of air coming in which means social lives. This may have come when things just started to calm down or in the midst of healing? To be honest this pile’s energy tends to overthink a lot. Like I feel like there’s this thing where you’re scared of saying the wrong thing which makes you take a step back only to make the overthinking worse. Maybe you’re asking friends what to do because I split the deck and saw 3 of Cups.

For some reason I feel like you need more reassurance so I’ll just pull out more cards for you. So I got the 2 of cups and the Eight of Wands (reversed), Judgement, and the Emperor. The first thing I’m picking up is that: you two may have opposite personalities or are awake at different times because we have two blue cards and two gold cards.

I’m also getting that the pace is painfully slow despite things going smoothly. It’s like you want to take control but you’re aware it won’t go smoothly if you rush it. For some of you there’s this thing of being afraid to take the “lead” or being pressured by society to take the lead.

(Side note: I don’t know who needs to hear this but there’s no hierarchy in a connection. There’s no, “who wears the pants” or whatever heteronormative stuff that gets constantly pushed into connections. What makes a connection work is when both people see each other as equals and accepting of one another)

You’re going to hate me for this but…it takes time and teamwork for a connection to work out. So yeah, go at your own comfortable pace (not a pace society tells you to go by) and enjoy the present time. For some reason I really have to “hammer it in” to take your time; let this connection take its time. Let things fall into place all on its own and if you feel called to do something (meaning the timing is right) then by all means take that initiative.

When you let things slowly progress you will also get a better understanding and feel of this person, from there you can see if you want to proceed or not.

Bonus Questions to Ask Yourself: “When have I given too much of myself in a relationship (could also be platonic)? What did that look like? What lesson did that leave me with?” - WNRS

That’s really all I’m getting, to be honest this reading is so chaotic and so long even though it barely reached 5 paragraphs. If you made it this far thank you so much, I appreciate it. I’m wishing you luck and please take your time!

Pile 3

[ Cards: Queen of Pentacles; 7 of Swords; Justice; Five of Cups Reversed; 8 of Pentacles; 7 of Cups; 7 of Pentacles ]

Confirmation Messages: Horror Games; Paranormal; Libra; Yellowjackets; Birds of a Feather; Unrequited; Nevada; Winter; Baby Powder; Scents; Insincerity; Friday; Outcasts; Water(falls); Late Spring; (Couples) Therapy; 777; (Down by the Water) PJ Harvey; Library; Goth (Music); Unknown; Earth Placement; Situationship; Clear Mind; Tiredness; “Success is the Best Revenge”; Lana Del Rey; Distractions; Cheating; 1:23

You may have left a connection or felt this person was dishonest. I think what made it worse is outside advice (which is ironic because y’know we’re here lol). Perhaps someone gave you the, “time heals all wounds” or “it’s okay! Just get pretty and focus on your job!” Only to feel dread, I’m not going to lie. I don’t know if you put a limit to your sadness because there’s this sense of, “I should be over this by now.” I feel like some of you did achieve this success/glow up you wanted yet still feel grief.

Honestly, it’s okay to grieve as long as you want to. There is no time limit to feel grief and sadness. Realistically speaking, grief stays with us. Grief can come in the form of memories popping up or when you feel nostalgic — that’s a part of grief and that’s okay. All we can do is look at them and see them for who they are and what they did. (Now, I’m not excusing their actions at all!) For example; it’s one of those things where someone waits for years to get closure only to get nothing and in the end they accept they’ll never get it.

I know this may sound bitter and for some bittersweet, but let the grief flow. You’re not crying over “spilt milk”, for all we know it’s not just spilt milk! Maybe it was milk you got with your hard earned money and now you don’t have milk because you just spent the last portions of your money so you can wipe your ass! So no, it’s not just milk! (lol sorry I just hate when the 5 of cups gets that connotation — there’s always something deeper to it.)

Look, distracting yourself out of emotions via deep diving in your work isn’t always the best thing to do. Sometimes you need silence (no music or sounds!) and sit with yourself. Really sit, lay or something with yourself and be vulnerable. Sit with that feeling for just a minute (not drown in it) because it’s asking to be acknowledged. Acknowledgment is a key to acceptance and with that comes the healing.

I feel like when you do acknowledge your grief, come to terms with the situation/person for who they are it’ll make the healing process bearable. I’m not saying it’ll be easier and you’ll be happy at a flip of a coin. I’m just saying because of this acceptance you may find you’re not doing your work/hobbies/goals for the sake of revenge but because it’s for you. You’re doing these things because you love it or for your own happiness/fulfillment.

Bonus Question to Ask Yourself: “What’s my favorite song at the moment? Why do I love it so much? (Play it for yourself)”. - by WNRS

Alrighty Pile 3 that’s all I got for you, thank you so much for reading until the very end! I appreciate it. I'm giving you some peace and love 🧡.

[theitgirlnetwork]

Better

Ch. 14: Happy Birthday Charlotte Pt. 1

Lip's Supportive Husband Outfit

Charlotte's Bday Fit

Hm...wonder what this is...

Note: Hiii, as I said I didn't take as long as last time; next post should be this week because this is a two-parter. For that same reason she's a lil short. I am so thankful for all of the love, interaction and the warm welcome back. I am very grateful and I appreciate you all so much. I hope you enjoy this chapter of watching our babies work their way back, celebrate a big day, and grow as a couple. A big change is coming. Also there's sexual content in this one so feel free to skip that portion and ask me any questions about what nonsexual information happened during it for clarification. This symbol: * indicates the beginning and end of that section. Thank you so much again, and feel free to interact, I love hearing thoughts from you guys! (Constructively, pls I'm sensitive lol) :)

Warnings: Explicit Content (MDNI FR I'm not playing), sexual content, strong language, anxiety

“So what’re you gonna say?” 

Lip shrugs lightly as his blue eyes follow his thumb’s travels along Charlotte’s neck, lips parting with wonder as he drinks in the glow on her skin from the morning light seeping in, big brown eyes offering him warmth and adoration that he can’t get from anywhere else. “That I uh…won’t actually knock his head off.”

Charlotte purses her lips in thought, resting her hand over his, leaning into him. “Okay, that’s good-”

“As long as he stays the fuck away from my wife.” he finishes, reaching under the blankets and dragging her leg over his body. “That’s you by the way.”

“Is it?” she hums, climbing over him fully before nudging his nose with her own. “We sure?” 

“Yeah,” he sighs against her lips before finally closing the space between them. “‘M pretty fuckin’ sure.” 

“Good.” 

The last few days have been rough. Threats of breaking up left some lingering weariness and anger between the couple. Lip was apologetic but still prideful, Charlotte was forgiving but still withholding. They were nursing wounds together. And it’s working. Their joint solution was simple. They need to be together. Everything else was secondary. Whatever they needed to do to make this work, it’s exactly what they’re going to do. So stay in the room together, deal with family later. They’d basically ghosted her parents. Call out of work for a couple days. Focus on being Phillip and Charlotte. Together. 

Lip was tiptoeing. Scared to bring anything up that could dismantle what they were managing to rebuild. But her dad’s words, lingering thoughts of sickness plague him as he holds her in his arms at night. Suddenly, every shiver, every sniffle, every groan as she rolls over in the middle of night makes his heart fall to his ass. But he can’t rock the boat. Not yet. He just needs to…work for it. Get to a point where she trusts him enough to tell him. He can wait. 

Charlotte gasps into the air as Lip rolls her underneath him, pressing open-mouthed kisses along the column of her neck. Her fingers dig into his golden curls, her legs closing around his waist as she pushes up to be pressed against him. “Phillip, you’re gonna be late-”

“‘M’not, don’t worry about it.”

*

The woman whimpers as large hands slip down her hips, fingers hooking into her underwear, yelping a little when she’s yanked upward roughly so the fabric can be tugged down her legs. “It’s…already 8:10…it’s-”

“Hey,” Lip calls sternly, one hand going back to her face, grabbing her jaw tightly enough to force her eyes to his, the other continuing its journey between her legs. “You want me to make you feel good, Bunny?”

“Y-yes-”

“Yes?”

“Yes, Phillip, I want you to make me feel good.”

“Know you do,” he hums, patronizingly pushing his thumb into the dimple on her cheek. “So lay back, and let me.” Lip finishes with a searing kiss on her lips before dragging his way down her body, pushing one hand underneath her shirt, massaging her breast as he uses his shoulders to nudge her legs completely apart. 

As Charlotte feels his mouth against her she panics, the cry she lets out is muffled by her hand flailing out, grabbing a pillow and putting it over her face. 

Lip licks a solid strip up her slit before pressing several kisses against her clit, slowing when his ears aren’t picking up the cries he lives for, confused considering he could feel her legs shaking by his head. His eyes trail up to find Charlotte smothering herself in effort to stifle her sounds and he’s immediately annoyed, hand coming down to slap her thigh. “Hey. Uh uh, fix that.”

A whine fills the air and he chuckles as he feels the soft pillow come down on his head before falling to the floor. “Don’t wanna be loud-”

“You know better.” he laughs, tugging her further down the bed and bringing her closer to his mouth, moaning himself at her sweet taste. 

Charlotte’s fingers flex as she grips at nothing, whimpering as he doubles his administrations, the pressure building even more now that piercing blue eyes are trained on her. “Fu-fuckin’ help me.” 

Lip’s eyes roll before he reaches up, grabbing her wrist and guiding her hands down to his hair, encouraging her to tug at it and groaning against her when she does. “Taste so fuckin’ good. Fuckin’ perfect. You’re just fuckin’ perfect aren’t you?”

“Oh, fuck, Phillip-” 

“Watch your mouth.” he grunts, slapping her thigh again. “You’re perfect. Say it, baby.”

“M’not perfect. I love you-”

“S’not what I told you to say-” he growls, pulling away and fixing her with a warning look, lips and chin glistening. Charlotte huffs, tugging his hair again, moaning louder as her toes flex.

“‘M’gonna cum, I want you to fuck me-”

“Say you’re perfect and I will.” Lip pulls away from her fully, untwining her fingers from his hair and watching her grow more frustrated, reaching for him to no avail. He climbs over her then, hovering over her as he runs his thumb over her bottom lip, guiding her mouth open, dipping his finger in before gathering some spit into his mouth and spitting it into hers, groaning when she swallows it obediently. “Charlotte.”

“I’m perfect. I love you. Please fuck me.”

Lip settles then, leaning his weight down onto her, groaning as he pushes into her, letting his head fall next to hers, pressing his mouth close to her ear. “You’re perfect, baby. My fuckin’...I fuckin’ live for you. I love you…happy birthday.”

The couple sets a steady rhythm then, one that they’ve grown used to over their time together but something about this time was different. The touches felt more desperate and needy. They both noticed it, but didn’t want to break the bubble they created by addressing it. But they could tell. Charlotte wraps her arms around him that much tighter, hand cupping the back of his head, legs locked around his waist in a vice, she arches to make sure she’s pressed against him as much as their movements will allow. 

Lip is the same, one arm around her waist to hold her close, switching between being in her ear, groaning every bit of filth, every promise, every praise he can think of, and resting his forehead against hers, demanding she look at him, maintaining eye contact to remind himself its her. She’s here, and he’s with her again.

“I…I’m…Phillip-” 

“Go ahead, baby. Cum for me, Bunny. Cum on my dick, baby.”

Charlotte bites down on his shoulder as she cums, curling into him and crying out. Lip moans as she contracts around him, keeping his thrusts steady until he feels two wet drops on his skin. He nudges her back onto the pillows to look at her face, slowing to a stop when he finds her with large, watery eyes. “I’m…I love you, Bubba.”

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

That’s all he can think. That’s all he feels. For multiple reasons. The first is the embarrassing fact that he somehow got impossibly harder from the knowledge that the woman underneath him just came around him, crying from how much she loves him. The second the humiliating fact that he was blinking back the moisture from his own eyes because even though he’s never been the religious type, he’s finding himself thanking whoever is running shit upstairs for making sure 20 years ago today, Victor and Cynthia Fisher fucked and made this fucking angel for him. And the third being the realization that Ian was right. He didn’t doubt him, but  with everything that happened, it was clear. He’ll never be in love with anyone else. If he doesn’t keep Charlotte, he’ll never have another chance. She’s it. 

He’s shaken from his thoughts with a soft hand on his cheek. “I’m okay, baby. Keep going. I’m okay.”

Lip nods absently, brows softened, jaw clenched as he tries to keep the flood of emotions in. Resting his forehead against hers as he thrusts into her deeply, moaning softly. 

“C’mon, Phillip, I love you, I want you to feel good too. I want you to cum too.” Charlotte whispers, running her fingers through his hair, tightening her legs around him, rolling up to meet him. “I want you to cum in me…I want you to give me your baby.”

That’s…a new development.

And fuck everything else Lip was embarrassed to admit to himself before. 

Nothing can top how absolutely ashamed he is at how hard he came to that statement. 

Who the fuck is he?

*

“‘Okay, bye, baby.” Lip pats Charlotte’s ass as he kisses her before slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Uh, be ready when I get home, alright? Happy birthday, princess.”

“‘Kay.” Charlotte chirps, bouncing on the balls of her feet, offering him a bright smile as he heads out. The wooden door slides shut and immediately she’s screaming, running over to the couch and tossing herself onto it. “I want to have your baby?! What the fuck? Charlotte you’re so fuckin’ stupid!” she whines. 

In her anxiety induced wailing, she doesn’t hear V and Fiona coming in the back door, cases of beer and boxed wine tucked under their arms. The two older women exchange concerned looks before slowly approaching the thrashing girl. “It’s like this every other day, hey! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I ruined my life!” Charlotte screams, kicking one of the pillows off of the couch. 

“Okay…” Fiona sighs, grabbing a beer for herself and V, passing it over Charlotte’s head. “Scoot. What happened?”

Charlotte looks up at Fiona and then over to V and shakes her head. “Can’t tell you. You’ll…like…throw up or something and she’s gonna hit me.”

“I’m not gonna throw up and I doubt V will hit you-”

“Might.” the older cousin shrugs, lifting her little cousin’s legs and plopping them onto her lap as she sits on the couch. Fiona fixes her with wide eyes and V huffs. “I won’t hit you. Probably.”

Charlotte narrows her eyes skeptically, but sits up nonetheless. It’s not like she would be any less embarrassed telling anyone else. “Well, this morning, Phillip and I were…uh…”

“Fucking?”

“Oh, god.” Fiona flinches, shaking her head in disgust. 

“It’s my birthday!”

“Oh yuck-”

“So what?” V asks, pushing the girl’s hair out of her face. “Was it bad?”

“No.” Charlotte murmurs, wrapping her arms around herself, pouting a little. “It was…good. But, I got caught up in the moment and…said something.”

“Something? If you were screwing, I’m pretty sure my brother would like whatever you said as long as it wasn’t another man’s name. And even then he might tolerate it.” 

“Is that what you did?” V says around her beer bottle, taking a swig. “Call him some guys name? Daddy? Bitch? Slu-”

“I told him I wanted him to give me his baby.” Charlotte blurts, dropping her face to her knees in embarrassment. 

Both older women immediately panic, Fiona tossing question after question at Charlotte. All of which were some variation of ‘are you pregnant’ and ‘are you using protection’. V takes the initiative of shooting off of the couch and flinging open the door to Charlotte and Lips’ room, yanking open the doors until she finds Charlotte’s birth control pills and starts counting, sighing in relief when she sees the girl is on track.  “I’m not actually trying to get pregnant, I…just said it, it was a spur of the moment type of thing, it just slipped out!”

“Girl, it better be.” V breathes heavily. “You just turned 20 today, you still don’t eat the crust on sandwiches, do not get pregnant, understand?”

“I understand.” 

“Good.” V sighs, running a hand over her face and watching Fiona flop back against the couch. “Now that that’s over…let’s go to breakfast for your birthday.”

“Fuckin’ shit.” 

Lip’s pissed. Like more than usual. He huffs to himself as he flicks his half smoked cigarette to the ground, stomping it out. Part of being with Charlotte meant trying to quit smoking, so he was trying to work on it. Apparently, part of being with her also meant being a dad?

He hadn’t even thought of that. Like…in theory, he fuckin’ loved the idea. He married her because he loves her and he wanted them to be a family. That included his siblings. They were kind’ve his kids and by association, hers. Does it make him happy to watch her play with Debbie? Help Carl with his homework? Bounce Liam on her hip? Abso-fuckin-lutely, she’s fuckin’ precious, he loves that shit. 

Would it be fuckin’ sexy to see her have physical evidence that she belonged to him? Watching her waddle around with his kid, carrying something that;s exactly half him half her? Hot as hell. 

But right now? They’re fuckin’ barely not absolutely broke right now. He’s been saving up for somethin’ big. A baby would throw all of that off. And he’s going to beg to keep his job. How can they raise a kid in these conditions? He’s still fuckin’ raising Frank and Monica’s. She hasn’t even told him about her having health conditions. Would that affect her getting pregnant? Would it affect a potential baby? He hopes she can wait. She has to. She will, right? Fuck.

He also is literally haunted by the last time he’d thought he was a dad. That was…fucking cruel to be honest. And Charlotte is definitely no Karen, but Lip doesn’t know if he’s ready for that. She’ll…she’ll wait. She loves him. She’ll wait.

The man straightens, pushing open the doors to the large office building, nodding to the security guard before getting in the elevator, taking it to his floor. Gritting his teeth he prepares to see that fuckin’ prick again. Eric, the punk bitch who’s been sniffin’ behind Charlotte since he saw her picture. Peppy ass daddy’s boy who signs his paychecks. Jesus, he needed to get these thoughts out of his system before he reached his office.

Fuckin’ bitch. Pussy. 

Lip sighs, shaking out his shoulders as he rounds the corner to Eric’s office. Alright, I’m done.

Limp dick, pussy chasin’, no life motherfucker. 

Now. Now, I’m done.

Lip’s jaw muscle jumps as he pushes Eric’s office door open, trying to make this as quick and painless as he can for himself. “Hey man, I…uh, know things were tense the other night, but uh, I’m…not really gonna knock your head off.” He goes to turn out of the room and can’t help himself, peeking his head back in, addressing the desk chair facing away from him, “Unless you keep trying to hit on my wife. Back off. Uh, okay, gonna go back to work-”

“Mr. Gallagher.” a voice calls to him before he can leave the room. It’s deep, and sounds like it came from an older man. Lip stops in his tracks, brows furrowing as he re enters the room.

“Uh…yeah?”

The man turns in his chair, dramatically in a way that has Lip fighting not to roll his eyes and reveals himself to in fact be a sharply dressed, gray haired version of Eric.

“Eric Preston-Scottlyn. So you’re the intern who threatened my son?” the older man asks, pushing out of the seat and leaning against Eric’s desk, nodding toward another chair for Lip to take a seat. The blond quietly moves to the chair, staring up at the older man cautiously. 

“Yeah. That was me.”

“I see.” the older man reaches back into the desk, grabbing a cigar and looking at Lip expectantly. 

“Oh, fuck, sure.” Lip digs in his pocket, pulling out his lighter and offering it to the man. “Look, I uh, need this job. I just got married and I’ve got like, a hundred siblings I take care of. That shit with Eric was…it won’t happen again.”

“So long as my son doesn’t speak to your wife again.” the older man chuckles, blowing his smoke carelessly, ignoring Lip’s light cough. “Well, that shouldn’t be a problem for Junior. Considering I’m promoting him.”

Lip swallows back his scoff as he rolls his tongue in his cheek. Nodding, he bites his tongue. Of course the spoiled little rich boy is getting promoted for the work Lip has been doing for him. “Fuckin’ good for Eric.”

“You’re happy for him?” the man asks in disbelief.

“Indifferent.”

The older man chuckles, blowing out more smoke. “Makes sense. You must be proud of where your work has gotten him.” he leans back, putting out the cigar in the ashtray and crossing his legs as he faces Lip again. Lip’s eyes widen slightly as he schools the rest of his expression, “Mr. Gallagher, I am not an idiot. I know my son’s capabilities. And I’ve noticed they miraculously increased the moment you were hired. My son needs to actually learn how to do something now, develop at least a few skills he can do without someone bolstering him. So he’ll need to learn under my close supervision.”

“Fuckin’ bullshit.” Lip blurts.

“Excuse me?”

Lip tries not to say it, he does, but his impulse control has always been some shit. “It’s fuckin’ bullshit, that Eric doesn’t know how to do shit and you fuckin’ know that I’ve been doing his goddamn work and he’s the one getting fuckin’ promoted-”

“So are you.”

Fuckin’- “What?”

Mr. Scottlyn claps his hands together. “You’re right. I know you’ve been doing his work. You’re capable, Mr. Gallagher. You’re quick and intelligent. Dedicated. So, I’m giving you Eric’s position, if you want it. Which I assume you do, considering your…socioeconomic position.”

Fuck you. But he’s right. This is amazing. “Okay…okay, cool. I’m-thanks.”

“You’re quite welcome. I have big expectations for you, Mr. Gallagher. You remind me of me when I was your age. Minus the obvious anger issues and baggage.”

“Uh…thanks again?”

“You’ll start tomorrow. Bright and early.” the older man grabs his cellphone off of his desk and pulls his suit jacket on. “Don’t embarrass me, Gallagher.”

And with that he leaves Lip alone…in his new office. Holy shit. Did something good just fuckin’ happen? He gets to keep his job…fuck that, he got promoted.

This new information makes a dangerous image flash into Lip’s mind, and he quickly shakes it away. 

Huh. Today is full of new things.

Lip rolls his eyes as he jogs his way up the walkway of his house, seeing Frank approaching out of the corner of his eye. “Get the fuck away from me, Frank.” 

“Is that any way to greet your father? We used to be so close, you and I, what has poisoned you, the fruit of my womb, against me?” his dad slurs, stumbling behind his eldest son, eyeing the bag in his hand.

“Fuckin’ christ.” Lip hisses, pushing the door open and trying to slam it behind him, only for Frank to slither his way in. “Don’t have time for your shit today.”

“I get it, I get it. You are a man now, you have responsibilities. Helping lead the house. Going to work. Making love to that delicious-”

“I’m serious, Frank, I’ll fuckin’ kill you.” 

“Why are we killin’ Frank?” Ian asks as he makes his way into the room, taking a swig of a soda before flopping onto the couch. “Wifey’s across the street waitin’ on you. Don’t forget, tomorrow she’s with me.”

Frank’s brows furrow as he looks between his two sons. “No, I was pretty sure you were the gay one. Or is that Carl…?”

“Fuck off, Frank.”

“No respect.” 

Lip tugs his work shirt off and starts shuffling through the pile of laundry Fiona had done to find something to change into. “I want her home in one piece, Ian, I’m fuckin’ serious. No drugs. Three drinks total. And no lettin’ Mickey pimp her out for free shit.”

“Okay, okay. Being married’s made you so fuckin’ serious.”

Lip just points his finger at his brother again before pulling on the shirt and sweater Charlotte had snuck and bought him for Christmas and pulling on a pair of jeans. The front door swings open and the sweet smell that follows his wife everywhere fills the room, so Lip immediately kicks the bag to the side behind the couch before taking in how she looks. “Baby, fuckin’ gorgeous. C’mere.”

Charlotte beams, her dress flouncing around her legs as she bounces her way into Lip’s open arms, meeting him in a deep kiss, humming when he pats her ass. “You look pretty too~” she sings.

“Ah, I know.” he scoffs, jokingly pushing her face from his as she squeezes his cheek. “Havin’ a good birthday? Yeah? Where the fuck is your jacket?”

“Don’t need one.” 

“Fuck, you don’t,” he frowns, snatching his jacket from the pile of laundry and pushing her arms through the sleeves.

“Excuse me, kiddo, I know you’re a little distracted what with your wife’s womanly wiles, a struggle to which I deeply relate-”

“Frank-”

“Ew.” Charlotte mumbles, pulling her jacket tighter over herself.

“However, you all asked me to warn you next time CPS would be stopping by and I might have been indisposed recently because a brief stint because of a possession case, however, while I have been released, I believe there will be a surprise…visit…inspection for the welfare of the children, soon. And your welcome for warning you.”

Charlotte immediately whips her head to look at Lip, eyes wide with concern, she clutches the sleeves of his jacket. “Don’t worry, Bubba, we’ll fix it. I can start cleaning and you and Ian can start fixing stuff around the house, we’ll dip into some of the money and get extra groceries, and get the kids ready when they get home. I can text Fiona-”

“But…it’s your birthday.”

He doesn’t know if his heart swells or cracks when his wife shrugs. “Doesn’t matter, we have to take care of your family.” 

You’re going to have to choose. I chose Cynthia. You can still choose your family.

Victor’s words flood Lip’s head as his eyes flick between Charlotte, the bag of stuff he got for her birthday on the floor and the mess of a house he and his siblings inhabit. He loves her so much. He wishes he wasn’t about to make her spend her 20th birthday preparing for a Child Protective Services visit. He wishes this wasn’t about to be her norm. He’s never not chosen them.

But Ian makes the choice for him.

“Nah, we got it.” the redhead shrugs, finishing the soda and pulling out his phone. “You guys go ahead, you can help later if there’s anything left for you to do. I’m gonna let everyone else know about Frank’s fuck up, and we’ll get this shit together. It’s not like they’re gonna come today. Wouldn’t be very random, then.”

Lip opens and closes his mouth, preparing to…thank him? Argue? He doesn’t know. But Ian doesn’t give him time. He picks up Lip’s bag and shoves it into his hands and starts pushing the couple toward the door. 

Charlotte watches her husband out of the corner of her eye the entire bus ride. She was anxious to say the least. There are millions of thoughts flying around in her head, and she doesn’t know what to do with them. From her sex induced plea for a baby, to Lip’s meeting with his boss or his siblings possibly getting taken by CPS…again, she was a nervous wreck. And…also it's her birthday. And she keeps forgetting.

Breakfast with Fiona and V was great and she loved it. But she’d spent it in her head, wallowing about her slip of the tongue. After, she had something to look forward to, spending time with Lip when he got off work, he’d apparently planned a surprise for her. He wanted to be in charge of everything, down to her outfit. Last night he stood in front of her wardrobe looking clueless, grumbling to himself as he demanded that she stay in bed and ‘not look’ while he picks, finally settling on a dress that he’d given to V to tell her to wear later. But then she could only focus on how devastated he would be if he did lose his job. Or the hit his self-esteem would take if he had to beg Eric.

She hadn’t even realized how well he could read her face.

“Stop.” he says softly, smoothing his thumb over the line forming between her furrowed brows. “Stressin’ that pretty little head out. We’ll handle it.”

“Tell me somethin’ good.” 

Lip nods, pushing her hair away from her neck, placing a kiss there before murmuring against her ear. “You look really beautiful, birthday girl.”

“Thank you. Somethin’ else?”

“Love you.” he says, placing another kiss before looking up to watch the stop they’re on.

“Love you more.” she hums.

“Bullshit.” he scoffs. “C’mon, this one’s us.” Lip helps her up, guiding her to walk in front of him, absently tugging her dress down over her ass a little to counter it riding up as she walks. The blond walks with his wife, their fingers intertwined, her spare hand busy picking at itself, her fingernails poking at her skin incessantly, nervously. As they walk down the block, Lip grows more frustrated, noticing that she’s so distracted she’s not even noticing where they are. “Okay. Stop. Let’s talk.”

Charlotte lets him pull her to a stop, standing before him. “Okay, lets.”

“What’s the problem?” 

“I’m worried about your siblings.” she whines.

Lip runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath. “CPS comes like 3 times a year, we deal with it. They take ‘em or they don’t. They do? We go to court, get them back, a week, tops. They don’t, we move on until next time.”

“That’s awful.” 

“The system sucks, princess, ‘m’glad you know nothin’ about it. But we know how to do this. It’ll be okay. And it's easier now that Ian and I are grown too. It’s gonna be okay.” Lip eyes her, bringing one hand to his lips and kissing it before prompting her to continue. “Next.”

“You’re job?”

“Was gonna save this for not your birthday, because it’s supposed to be about you, but I don’t want you to pick all of the skin off your fingers so…” he tugs her forward, digging his hand into the pocket of his jacket she’s wearing, producing a badge. “New badge.”

Charlotte squints at the title printed on the badge and her eyes widen. “Project manager? You got promoted?” A wide smile makes its way onto Charlotte’s face, and Lip matches it with his own smirk, gladly accepting the onslaught of kisses he receives all over his face as she squeals. “I’m so happy for you, bubba!” 

“Thank you, bunny.” he smiles, kissing her lips twice before setting her back onto her own feet. “Last thing?”

Charlotte immediately looks away from him, rocking nervously on her heels. “I…this morning…I-”

“Words, baby.”

“I…said something, we’ve never really talked about before.” Lip’s eyes widen in acknowledgement and suddenly the words are falling out of her mouth like vomit. “I didn’t mean it! Not…ugh, I mean not now. I love you and it felt good, and I got caught up in the moment. I didn’t mean to scare you, or rush you and I know we’re not even…we don’t even have the space for that. It’s not…not time, but I just said that and I meant it but I didn’t mean it.” 

She’s never wanted to punch him more than when he snickers.

“What? What? Phillip!”

Lip wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her to him. “Stop whinin’. It fuckin’ scared me shitless, okay? But,” he tugs her back again when she squirms against him, making an embarrassed groan. “I think about it too. Love you too. It felt good, hearin’ you say that. Obviously. So, now we know we both like that shit. Hell, for me it's probably genetic. And y’know, eventually, we’ll get there. Could be sooner. Could be later. Nothin’ to freak out about.” he nudges her chin with his knuckle. “‘Kay?”

“Kay.” 

“Good.” he sighs. “All done?” she nods, and he nods with her looking around. “Fuckin’ awesome, can we celebrate your birthday now?”

“Yeah.” 

“Yeah? Good, look around, baby, where are we?”

Charlotte looks at their surroundings for the first time since getting off of the bus, eyes widening as she views the pretty townhouses, uniform and lined up. Just behind them is the neighborhood that Lip had taken her to see the lights all of that time ago. “These townhouses are so cute.” she chirps, whipping her head around. 

Lip slips behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning his head on her shoulder. “Show me which one’s your favorite.” 

The woman’s big brown eyes slip over to a sage green townhouse, it nearly looks exactly like the shade she’d always wanted. The one she’d told Lip she’d want her house to be like two months ago…and the paint looked pretty fresh. “That one.” she breathes.

“Yeah? Should we go eat inside? Or we could check out the backyard.” he hums against her cheek. Charlotte slips her hand up into his hair, still staring at the house.

“I dunno. What if the people who live here come home early…I don’t wanna get in trouble.”

Lip shrugs, digging in the bag and producing something from it to dangle in front of Charlotte’s face.

“I spoke to the husband and he was fuckin’ cool with it, even said he thinks we should christen the place. But I guess I should ask the wife too.” 

Silver keys come into the focus of Charlotte’s vision and she uses Lip’s solid chest to support her weight.

 “Well, Bunny? What do you say?”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for inquiring after a blog that got deleted?

This happened several months ago and my friends have told me that I wasn't in the wrong, but my stupid anxiety keeps bringing it up and saying actually they only told me that because they like me. Maybe the judgement of strangers will finally get my brain to put it to rest. Repliers, please use she/her pronouns only for me, I don't like being called by they/them.

I'm keeping this vague to respect the privacy of the others involved; if you somehow recognize the situation, please do not give further details. Feel free to ask for clarification if something is confusing, but I will not be providing additional information like what fandom it was as I believe that would just risk revealing who was involved, and I can't think of any additional info that would affect someone's judgement of what I did. I would like judgement of what I did without risking violating anyone else involved's privacy. Also, sorry this is so long. It's the ADHD. I hate it too.

I'm relating the dms involved as closely as I can, but they won't be word-for-word.

I follow several roleplay blogs in the same fandom. One day I noticed one that I particularly liked seemed to have been deleted. I wasn't sure if they'd made a goodbye post I didn't see before deleting or something, so I made a post asking if anyone knew if something had happened with their mod, as it seemed to come out of nowhere to me. No one ever interacted with this post, but I have no way of knowing if people saw it.

I messaged a blog that I had seen interact with them a lot asking something like "hey, do you know if something happened with [blog]'s mod? I noticed they had deleted and was wondering if something happened." They replied with the single word "no" and I thanked them and apologized for bothering them. This one word was the only thing they ever said to me. I took this to mean that they didn't know if anything had happened, but didn't try to investigate further. I was vaguely concerned that they seemed to have suddenly disappeared without anyone knowing, but it wasn't my place to try and dig things up.

A couple days later I was scrolling back through a different blog and I noticed an old post they'd reblogged from the person who deleted's sideblog, and the sideblog had also been deleted. I sent a dm asking something like "Hey, I noticed [blog] and [sideblog] were both deleted, and was wondering if you knew if the mod was alright" and received a response just saying that no one wanted to make what happened public, least of all the mod. I thanked them for responding, apologized for prying, and said I hoped things were alright, then deleted my post asking if anyone knew what had happened, so that people couldn't stumble on it, get curious, and try and pry themselves.

Very shortly after, I received an anonymous ask scolding me for prying into the mod's business when they wanted things kept quiet and continuing after being told no. I posted the anon and explained that I hadn't meant to pry - just was wondering if things were okay - and that I must have misinterpreted that first "no", apologized if I'd made anyone uncomfortable, and made it clear I would absolutely not ask further. That was the end of it, at least as far as I know.

I think I might be the asshole because: I didn't know the mod, we'd never talked beyond their answering some of my asks, but I asked people about them anyways. I was genuinely wondering if they were okay and was careful not to ask what happened, but I know I can have trouble finding the line between normal and nosy, and maybe messaging two people was too far, even if the first person seemed to not know anything.

I think I might not be the asshole because: I wasn't asking for details on what happened, I was just wondering if they were okay or if I'd missed a goodbye post, and backed off immediately after being told it was private. I don't think it's really my fault that I misinterpreted the first person saying "no" to me asking if they knew if something had happened, since I thought they were literally answering my question.

Again, please do not try to figure out who was involved in this if you think you recognize it; I just want my brain to stop turning this damn situation over and over and maybe having strangers judge it will do that.

So. AITA for asking after someone who deleted their roleplay blog?

What are these acronyms?

[turnstechgodhead]

well regardless of where you got it from i really love that line, i think it adds an interesting angle to their relationship. what do you think bro knew about the nature of the game and dave’s destiny for him to think of raising dave that way? im also curious about the subject matter of the fics you may have gotten inspiration from

thanks i think so too

i dont remember unfortunately; in regards to the fics. i dont really read fics nowadays and i do tend to read short ones to avoid This happening- where i absorb something and forget about it

more about bro under cut

i feel like bro knew some things; i like to keep certain parts of the 'game' aspect of their reality away from them

like for example: bro doesn't know EVERYTHING about what hes supposed to do. like he wasnt spawned in with I am A Guardian in his brain; he was a whole ass human person for 24 years until he got dave

growing up a lot of his information came from cal because since he was destined to be a guardian, he had nagging feelings in the back of his mind telling him to do certain things: get this apartment, do this that way, etc. and cal just enforced those

i think dirk's reason for raising dave that way is a combintion of the fact that thats the only way cal(iborn) referred to dave and that bro was never allowed to actually bond with dave (because caliborn made him believe that platonic affection is in fact not platonic at all and is instead sexual[the implications when bro is constantly carrying around cal with his arms around his neck btw. insane.])

i've talked about it a lil bit with input from error707-thatdude (whos training to dooooo... something w psychological development of kids or something? sorry i forgored) on stream and the lack of interaction/affection can be potentially fatal to human children

so every time dirk wanted to do what honestly, his instincts were telling him to do (hold dave, be gentle [even if stiff]) , he wasn't able to because he had caliborn in his ear whispering that he was being deeply fucking inappropriate with his goddamn son which . Jesus Christ. (ive come to the conclusion bc of this that the daves we see in canon are the daves that made it past childhood, as error707 said: the exceptions)

the fact that caliborn constantly told him about how dave was the knight and he needed to be the knight. he needed to enter the medium. if he didn't enter the medium then everything that dirk's entire life has been leading up to has been a disappointment, a mistake, and he doesn't want to disappoint his very dear best friend cal does he? hee hee hee.

he also told him about how dave is SUPPOSED to be. cool, stoic. that kinda stuff, bc calibrn has a bit of a gay thing for both of them im sure.

+ the deep feeling inside of dirk that he Knew cal was right (something something; destiny/fate/will of the universe/etc), that dirk existed to do this; to get cal into the medium, to get dave into the medium, to make them stronger, led to dirk thinking of dave as his goal instead of anything remotely resembling family-

all of that accumulates into his brain dissassociating dave from himself as family and instead as a goal and a figure of something he NEEDS to polish or it wont work when the gear is inserted into the frame

things like this are delicate and they HAVE to be taken special care of during assembly, or you'll be left with nothing. (go watch how its made- wristwatches. its like that.)

sorry if all this doesnt make sense; feel free to ask for clarification and ill happily provide

[x-stephanie-sinnz-x]

PIZZA, PUSSY & PASSION with Quincy (fwb)

On Monday I went to my fwb's apartment for lunch.

So far it's turning into a normal thing.

I arrived at his apartment just as the pizza delivery guy was leaving. My friend with benefits greeted me at the door and we got straight into it. 

We made out on the way to the bedroom, stripped off our clothes and got into his bed.

Wasn't much talk nor foreplay. He licked my pussy and I sucked his dick just to get each other primed.

He fucked me missionary and I came at least 3 time before he finished inside me.

Afterwords we had pizza and I went back to work.

I'm really enjoying these regular lunch visits, but that Monday was nothing really to write about.

But......yesterday I think you guys would like to hear more about.

So, yesterday I skipped my lunch because I've been needing to catch up on work.

The good thing is that I worked so fast and steady I not only caught up, I actually was ahead .

So feeling a bit guilty and a little deprived I messaged my fwb, (let's finally call him Quincy).

I messaged him to see if it was a good time.

I ended up sneaky out of the office earlier and paid him a visit.

As soon as I arrived at his place I pressed him against the wall and pulled his T-shirt off, admiring his body.  I pressed against him, feeling his cock like a giant pipe beneath his pants as I pressed my body against his.

“What are we doing?” He asked.

"What's it look like we are doing." I replied.

"Not what I ment" he said.

We got into talking and he wanted to know where this relationship was going, how I'm married, does my husband know,etc.

I didn't think our relationship needed clarification, seeing how this seemed pretty obvious.

  I've been doing my best not to bring up my husband's and my lifestyle, so I kept it as plain and simple as I could.

I explained that my husband let's me mess around, and also likes it and encourages it.

"But why me,"he asked.

“I don’t know, there's something about you," while running my hand between his pecks, “your perfect and I like it.” I replied.

“Its been a while since a woman called me perfect.” He stated.

“fuck me,” I whispered.

“I’m not rich or anything? Why me?” He asked.

“Because I like you, genius.”

Before he could say another word, I slid down and pulled his pants down along with his underwear. A beauty of a cock fell out before me, its tip glinting with precum. His ball sack hung down, swollen as if stung by a bee. I looked up at him, as he gazed down at me. With our eyes locked I stuck out my tongue and licked the tip of his cock. He jolted. Then I slipped my mouth over it. The salty taste erupted over my tongue, as his head slid down into the back of my throat.

I caressed his cock with my tongue as I slid his head to the point of gaging at the back of my throat. My hand came up and gripped his cock. I slid up and down. He gasped and sputtered above me. His hand fell onto my shoulder, caressing my neck, as his cock thrust forward, causing my throat to clench around his head. His moans along with his slight protest "b bu but you're married", sent a wave of desire pouring into me.I slid my free hand around his testicles. The wrinkled skin was rough in my hand as I gently separated his testicles with my thumb and forefinger, and gently massaged one of the swollen football shaped jewels between my fingers. He grumbled and sputtered as his hand slid onto my head.

“Oh my god,” He gasped out loud.

I sucked on his cock, it was warm and hot in my mouth, it filled me. I wanted the salty surprise at the end, I wanted his batter inside me. I wanted to drink the fluids of his fountain. I sped up my hand, stroking his dick and slid his head down my throat, gaging on the swollen head of his mighty cock.

“Wait!” He gasped, “Wait!”

I slid my mouth off him, “Yeah.” I said through breaths.

“You’re so fuckin good,” He said looking down on me, “I don’t want to cum yet", and he was close.

“Its okay,” then I stood up.

His hands touched me, running down my spine, tickling my skin. It found its place around my ass, cupping my cheek gently, pulling me towards him. I felt his dick, moist with the liquid precum I had drawn from its tip, touch my stomach. A hand slipped through my hair as I was pulled into an embrace, feeling his rock-hard dick throbbing against my skin, a hot wet pipe threatening to explode between us.

“I have terrible fantasies,” He whispered as he pushed his nose into the top of my head, sliding a hand down my back, “I wante you so much – but I hate myself for it.”

“Don’t, it’s all right.”

“We can’t undo this.” I felt his hand touch my breast, his thumb tracing nipple.

“I would never want to break you guys up.” He said.

I remained silent, but thought to myself 'not going to happen'.

I also thought, 'this guy is kinda cocky to think such a thing', but that's kinda what I liked about him.

I pulled his hand from my ass and stepped back, pulling my buttons apart. My skirt fell to the ground exposing me, entirely to his site. My stomach already glinted in the light, as his precum reflected the light from it. He stepped towards me and I towards him. He grabbed my leg and lifted me from the ground.His cock tantalized my entrance, as I wrapped my legs around him. His head pushed at my moist lips that dripped with juices of my soul. I let out a gasp. We spun around, my back pressed against the wall, the picture hanging above tipped off and fell to the ground. Neither of us cared. Then he entered me.

Like a pulsating lion, his cock penetrated me, pushing my pussy aside to make way for his girth, filling me with hot, thick flesh and blood. I let out a cry. Fuck! The head of his cock sucked on my insides with every withdrawal and plunged into me with every thrust. His lips caressed my nipples – stimulating them. They ached with rigid tension, as his mouth closed around one, my back plastered against the wall. I screamed. Every sensation in my body opened. Every thrust brought waves of pleasure and warmth filling me.

I open my mouth to swear to the lord, but only a cry escaped. My moans hasten his pace – oh please don’t stop! FUCK THIS CHEATING WIFE! God! The curses spilled from my lips between the moans his cock forced from my lips. Every moment he was in me was one of bliss. I pushed my hand against the wall, while my other clung to his shoulder, his hands were wrapped around my back, holding me above his thrusting cock.

His paced quickened again. He began to grunt. I could feel the tip of his cock swell inside me, filling my pussy as the sound of my juice slurping his cock echoed. Fuck yes! I thought as he pounded away harder, groaning.

“Shit!” He gasped.Then his cock erupted inside me. Cum exploded into my married cunt, filling me with warmth. He thrust again, crying out, pressing me against the wall. I screamed as his cock exploded again, jumping around inside of me. Each rope of cum ejected into me. He gasped again and thrust. I could feel the mix of his semen and my juice drip down my leg, as he pushed his shrinking head into me one more time. There, against that wall, in the living room, he filled me to the brim. Cum dripping from my pussy like honey from a beehive.

“Fuck!,” He whispered.

Stephanie Sinnz 💋

[graciehart]

hi there!! sorry if this is weird but wanted to get your opinion on something!! believe it or not I've never watched the final season of castle and I know a lot of people say it's a bad season but I finished my season 7 rewatch and I'm wondering whether or not to give s8 a chance lol like is it so annoyingly bad I should just skip it forever or are there still moments that make it worthy of my time? thank you ☺️

hi!! not weird at all, I love that you asked me haha 😊 I also hope you don't mind me publishing this in case anyone has anything they want to add!

the short version of my answer is that yes, I personally think it's worth watching at least once! That said, I am well aware that there are things I might have forgotten about it since I've only seen it once. I'll put my reasoning/other considerations below the cut. Hope this helps!

————————————————————— 💭

Yes is my short answer, but I wanted to say why because there's a lot that goes into it for me (I take this way too seriously 😂)

First, I very generally believe that everything is worth watching at least once. That's just how I usually consume media. I also do my best to always watch things before I give any sort of opinion—for example, there are some things I have an idea about (including Castle season 8), but I felt it was important I personally watch it if I wanted to meaningfully converse about it.

Second, I think there are some moments I do love in season 8! I also know there was at least one episode that I did want to rewatch once seeing it. I'd say if you go into it open-minded (but with reasonable expectations, since it does have its issues), then you might be pleasantly surprised by parts of it 😊

That said, I'd ask what your reasons were for not watching it to begin with (as well as how you feel about season 7, because I feel like that can also be helpful for deciding if you want to watch 8). Because I will say that for me, season 8 was a hard watch since I have an idea of what was going on during that time w/ the cast (and I wasn't even watching the show live!). I also had some major problems with the storyline. Now, I kind of view season 8 as a bonus (meaning I only really acknowledge the parts I like as canon and ignore the existence of the rest 😂) because I think there are some moments I love but also have what I feel are fairly valid issues with other parts (valid meaning I can imagine other ways for the characters to behave that I think are just as plausible).

Anyway, hope that made sense. Feel free to ask/DM/reply if you have any questions/need clarification on any of this!

[mokagachas]

As someone who knows nothing about Oberon but loves your art: where do I start if I want to understand your love for the man?

oh man. oh jeez ( wheezing ) haha okay. uhm. erhm. i didnt expect to get this far uhm ( shaking )

so here's the problem: oberon is from lostbelt 6, a chapter in hit gacha game fate/grand order. you can play f/go if you want and chug along to lb6 - which is unfortunately a chapter 6~ years into the game's main story. but i cannot with any sort of conscious recommend a gacha game to people.

so playing the game is one option. option two is checking out atlas academy database, a website that has all of fgo's stories and such conveniently catalogued! click 'main story' on the top of the page and it'll give you just, well, the main story.

if you want to watch the stories themselves - which at least for lostbelt 6 i highly recommend because the OST is amazing - there's also this commentary free LP on youtube that i've linked to people!

that being said that is still a lot of words to get to lostbelt 6, so- if you don't want to read everything pre-lostbelt 6, i recommend going to the typemoon wiki and reading the summary on each story pre lostbelt 6 ( so, up to lostbelt 5.5 ). just click on the link in each chart and you can find a detailed beat-by-beat summary of each chapter.

i've been told that, in all honesty, that lostbelt 6 is still enjoyable and easy to understand without full context for the outside story beats. it certainly reads like a fairly self-contained story outside a few things needed to understand why some characters are here in the first place, so i've been considering writing up a summary on just those key points / the premise to the lostbelts so that people can read that and then jump right into lostbelt 6 and love oberon...

hopefully this was helpful in any sense of the word heehe ... if you need clarification with anything feel free to send another ask !!!

lets all love oberon!!! lets all think about oberon!!!!!!

[datrb]

Random question ik, but sometime ago I remember that an Anon asked you the kind of relationship you headcanoned for the four Hollow Heads, and you said that you used a brotherly one

So, I have two questions regarding them

1, do you consider Vic and Chosen as twins, moatly bc they were created just months apart and looked identical before Vic's change of looks in Wanted?

And 2, how do you think they would interact if they were all created in an Au where things were all fine? Like, a paceful Au where nothing bad happened?

Just asking bc your ideas scratch my brain just right every time xhxbxkxnx-

(This post ended up a long longer than i planned... Oops. Hope you don't mind a bit of rambling)

Okay, a bit of clarification first: when i said i see them more as siblings i meant that if i had to choose i would lean more towards a brotherly bond. Obviously, none of them are related outside of being made by one creator in canon and in my art and things i write i usually stick to it outside of some obvious OOC or fanon moments (that Dark dancing gif, or almost all of the memes).

First question

... is rather easy, to get an answer for it, it's enough to just look at my designs of them. And their designs are fairly different, while still sharing a few details that i knowingly apply to all of the mainline hollowheads (mainline - Legacy Trio - MCs of their respective AvAs - Vic, Chosen and Second). If anything, Victim and Chosen's designs are the most different two among the ones i have among hollowheads because of how different they are as people.

Although, i will lie if i say it was entirety my doing. Victim's design was at first a suggestion from a friend, who liked an idea of Victim being a ninja, so my OG design of him was heavily inspired by more stereotypical Japanese ninga outfits (yes stereotypical. Not actual ones and i did it knowingly because Vic was made by an american highschooler), while chosen got the "US military man" treatment. But this was before AvA6(season 3) came about and i had to rework my Victim design.

Here are a few examples of how Vic's design had changed:

Later i also changed his pants and shoes to resemble the og design more, as i thought dress trousers were a bit too boring for him to wear.

Okay this part had lasted for... A lot longer than it should have...

Second question

... is quite complicated, not gonna lie... It's kinda hard to imagine how non-traumatized Chosen would act. Same goes for Victim without insecurities, not even mentioning that Dark would either not exist in the first place, or be a totally different person.

Hmmm... But, assuming from what we know of them already, i think they'll get along both amongst eachother and with Alan. I think Vic would still feel a bit insecure about his lack of abilities, but Alan would probably try to make up for it by allowing Vic free acess to his toolbar, like he did with Second. And Vic, being as smart as he is, would find ways to go almost en-par with Chosen's powers using only the tools.

Oh also, i can 100% see Vic playing Chess with Alan, or playing something like Sudoku, Minesweeper or Solitaire while Alan is asleep and Chosen quite often doing something to mess with his games. Vic would be angry at Chosen for ruining his streak, which would lead to them fighting in a half-joking manner.

I don't envy Alan in this AU waking up to see his homescreen completely destroyed. The two culprits would then have to face a scolding.

... Again.

They then proceed to do the same thing again.

[transfemdentruther]

And for my first trick: let's live up to the username lol

I need to rewatch Sunny in depth to really make a crazy post, but for now we get half-remembered gibberish from yours truly ;D

First off the top is Mac's Banging the Waitress. What do you mean his jeans are tight as shit because he wants to accentuate his "female form"? Why is that something he was thinking about? Why specifically does he want to achieve a more feminine form? I will never not think about that line, what the hell. Insane

This one's just kinda silly, but it's on my mind 'cause I've been lurking through a couple Sunny fan accounts looking specifically for trans Den takes lmao. The escape room episode where Dennis says something about cows grazing relating to them and Mac's like "Aren't all cows female?" and Dennis stutters and says that it's a metaphor. I think the poster said in the tags "LMAO HE CAUGHT HER" and it's my favourite lol

I think it was from the self help book or whatever, but when he's going on about Coco Chanel and how "boys can't be fabulous too just because of this sad piece of flesh hanging between my legs?" It's not inherently the fact he wants to be fabulous, it's that the way he describes it as a sad piece of flesh that just hangs there. I don't really know cis men's thoughts on their dicks, but I'm sure they don't view it that negatively... It's just interesting phrasing

The whole makeup thing. Is it gay for men to wear makeup? No. Does it make them trans? No. But Dennis? That's a whole other story that the words are very fleeting for, so we're just gonna leave at that for now sorry lol

In the bowling episode when he's being a bitch to Dee and he's saying something like "Women are devious, destructive, and default to turning on each other" as if that's not what he does lol

This is a whole other post, but I think gender envy is a part of sleeping with women, aside from the trauma of course. I personally don't think he's actually attracted to women even though he's constantly going on about big tits and all that. I don't have a big vocabulary right now as my brain almost never works and it is 2am, but in The Gang Gets Analyzed when he draws the therapist, I just think it's funny that he specifically drew himself behind her holding her massive tits. Like it's not actually anything obviously, but it something I will point at Pepe Silvia style lmao

The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo. Need I say more? Kidding, I can't not yap about it lol. "I need a model with the perfect female body hmmm" -employs himself with YOU GUESSED IT giant tits- Certainly... interesting. Also this bitch has at Least three different shades of red lipstick and I know he's not stealing them from Dee because I think she's only ever worn one, maybe two, kinds of red lipstick and that's only very occasionally. So. There's that

All the comments about him and drag and then that one thing Mac said about him being into all that "glam rock femme shit" I Just Think It's Interesting

Okay, that's all for now. I don't wanna proofread any of this, so feel free to ask for clarification or if you just wanna come yell at me lol

[4dkellysworld]

Hi Kelly!! :)

My question is about ego fears and to what extent we should ‘deal’ with them/how much attention we should give them. My character is moving into a new place in a months time, and I’m expected to pay my first instalment of rent by the end of August. This has all come about quite suddenly, and the cost is way more than I can currently afford. The worry of a looming deadline, and needing to conjure up money that ‘I’ physically don’t have right now, has been scary. I’ve studied your Releasing tag, and I’ve read everything from Ada, as well as lots from Sophie and Lain (her thread helping out the anon with difficult circumstances has been particularly helpful, and it was lovely to read of that anon’s success). In a practical sense, I am looking into ways I can afford to pay this rent on time, or considering possibly contacting the landlord and asking to be given more time to pay it. Besides that, I’ve been working through feeling/accepting this ego fear without fighting it… Surrendering to it, recognising that ‘I’ cannot do anything about these circumstances beyond a certain point besides simply let them be and trust in Self to guide me through. I have read chunks of the Sedona method, and I have been applying the method of first, feeling the fear/emotion, and then, asking myself "could I let this go? would I let this go? when?"

It has definitely been helpful, and I am able to calm myself down in moments of panic and remind myself that these fears are of the ego and not me, but I can feel there is still anxiety that lingers, particularly with the more time that passes and the sooner the deadline approaches without any financial improvement. I wondered if the goal, with releasing, is to wipe out fear entirely? In that case, am I to continue applying until I can think of the situation and be totally neutral? The lingering fear feels almost inevitable, though I suppose that’s because I’m still identifying somewhat with ego. It almost feels like the more I try to let go of this fear, I veer into trying to ‘get rid’ of it, which only reinforces its very existence. I suppose I feel that what would be better would be to give up entirely on trying to let go of it, and instead totally welcome it and allow it to stay. Of course that doesn’t mean clinging to/dwelling in it, but also not necessarily trying so hard to release it either? It’s as if I’ve given this fear a story — I feel the fear of financial insecurity, I associate it with being the character/ego that I do not want who has financial insecurity, and I therefore ‘do methods’ to move away from the fear in order to make it not so in the physical realm — and this only seems to have kept the fear around/grown it.

This is probably what was meant all along, when Ada said to "leave poor Vanessa alone, with her desires and fears, disbelieve you are her until reality becomes self-obvious". But I would just love to hear your input/any clarification/if you have any of your own experiences to share when it comes to finding a balance between actively digging up the unconscious and letting parts of ego go versus just accepting and allowing parts of the ego to be (so that it ends up falling away on its own anyway).

I’m sorry for the long message! Thank you so much for everything you do, you’re an angel 🩷

Hi! Lots to address here, I'll go through them one by one. I won't tell you what you should do (because there are no shoulds and it's ultimately a choice, your choice) but I'll speak of my own perspective and experiences and you can take what resonates/will help you.

My question is about ego fears and to what extent we should ‘deal’ with them/how much attention we should give them.

One of my "goals" is to be free of all fear, because fear only imprisons you and locks/limits you into a certain way of living/being when it's false to begin with. How I 'deal' with it (whether that be straight up ignoring/dismissing it, bringing up the unconscious thoughts to release them, rationalizing it or something else) really depends on a case by case basis which is why I always focus on what feels right and appropriate in the moment because doing something I feel I 'should' do instead of what feels right ends up not being the answer and doesn't work.

I wondered if the goal, with releasing, is to wipe out fear entirely? In that case, am I to continue applying until I can think of the situation and be totally neutral?

Yes it is. And yes that's what I do when I choose to release.

I suppose I feel that what would be better would be to give up entirely on trying to let go of it, and instead totally welcome it and allow it to stay. Of course that doesn’t mean clinging to/dwelling in it, but also not necessarily trying so hard to release it either?

Then there you go, that's what resonates for you so trust it, give it a go and see what happens. It doesn't mean the other approaches are useless or don't work for fears in general for you but for this particular fear of yours, this may very well be the best approach to take. I've done something similar for some fears. Instead of releasing or ignoring or rationalizing it, I just choose to accept it, love it and thank it because it is just ego wanting to protect itself. Because emotions don't exist in a vacuum, they're messengers and give us clues as to what underlying thoughts & beliefs we hold (side note: watch the Inside Out movies! They are so precious). Fear exists because it wants to protect us from something that the mind has deemed a danger (as obvious as that sounds lol). I noticed you have been mentioning fear itself a lot but have you looked into the underlying thoughts/beliefs that drive that fear and released on that level? And then see yourself having all that you believe you lack over and over until you feel completely free? Basically the steps in the second part of this ask. When I'm doing these steps, I'm not trying to fight or get rid of it, that's not the mentality I have. I just recognize it is a false belief that isn't part of the true me and it's a letting go feeling which is a different state to feeling you need to fix or get rid of something. If that doesn't work for you, then maybe you can just take time out to sit in silence and stillness then imagine sitting in an empty room with this fear and just being okay with that.

This is probably what was meant all along, when Ada said to "leave poor Vanessa alone, with her desires and fears, disbelieve you are her until reality becomes self-obvious".

Yes but again, what she says here is just one way and not the only way (there is no one way. There are so many paths Home. Did you know that there are people who practice ceremonial magick as a way to enlightenment? Heck even lucid dreaming and astral projection can be ways. Does that mean everyone needs to start practicing these? No lol. You do what feels right for you and that can change over time). She also says to unclutter your mind, to set yourself right emotionally and mentally, and to ask yourself questions and do what feels right for you. So take what resonates, I can't emphasize this enough. Trust in yourself more and follow what feels right. Be more flexible because being rigid and thinking you can only do certain things (including being limited purely to what you read on our blogs or whatever a spiritual guru says) is only another form of limitation and bondage. There hasn't been a single teaching or practice I can think of that I have applied solely in every moment of every day since I started (not that I didn't try at first but then I'd let go and try something else when I realized it wasn't doing anything for me. Then I realized that different approaches work for different situations and I need to be flexible). I've even made up my own practices based on what feels right in the moment (like just meditating in the feeling of the essences I enjoy such as love, abundance, freedom, peace etc). Plus the 'disbelieve you are her' part is where it can take some time (on the physical level) and accepting that and being patient with myself was way more helpful to me in leading me to actually disbelieving I'm her as opposed to trying to adopt that disbelief straight out before dropping chunks of ego and coming to my own realizations that I am not her.

But I would just love to hear your input/any clarification/if you have any of your own experiences to share when it comes to finding a balance between actively digging up the unconscious and letting parts of ego go versus just accepting and allowing parts of the ego to be (so that it ends up falling away on its own anyway).

Okay there was a time last year where I was very actively digging into my unconscious to release things, my goal was to do a whole life review like Lester did and go through my entire life and release everything lol. I mean, it's an amazing idea and I wished I could do it but it also felt like trying to draw blood from stone. I did chunks of some major releases (maybe a few months worth of this ego's recent life) but it was pretty draining and at the rate I was going, there was no way I would be able to do my entire life in just 3 months (maybe a few years...) like Lester despite being younger than him.. And here Lester kept saying you only need 3 months to go free lol. This was really frustrating and confusing and I would think, Lester must not have experienced a lot of trauma in his life.. I read his story of how he realized himself and the thing he mentioned that was hardest for him to let go was a lost love from like 20 years ago or something but things that are highly highly traumatic can take a lot more time to truly neutralize and release. I realized my life looks way differently to him, what he did was for his life and his methods helped me but his overall "way" wasn't working for me. I also didn't want to feel like I was constantly striving to 'clean the mind' because it felt like another form of imprisonment and I wasn't fully living in the now when I was constantly bogged down by the past (which still felt real to me then and I wanted it to stop feeling so real).

Not saying the chunks of releases I did were not helpful, heck yes they were and I'm glad I did them. It's also helped me reach a state where I am now a lot more peaceful and still within and recognize whatever "past" I have isn't real or true, whatever comes up can be more easily let go of because it isn't valuable to me anymore. You know what else purifies the mind? Meditation. And not as a form of 'doing' but as a way of being. There was one time I was so overwhelmed and exhausted I just gave up. I lay on the floor and just decided it was all over and there's nothing to do. I just looked at the ceiling and stopped doing anything. I wasn't anything anymore. I spent a few days like this and after that, there was a point where I realized/noticed that something within me had changed and I couldn't really pinpoint it but things just suddenly didn't bother me anymore, fears that used to exist just suddenly didn't (maybe you can try this as well if it resonates, just give up and be). I realized that meditation (not just sitting meditation but as a constant beingness) can be a way of mind purification too when you just stop being an ego and let Self take care of things. Here's something Robert Adams said that I read later on and realized it was exactly what I did:

Student: Giving up isn't sufficient. I realize that, I listen to that whatever, whether it's the strength or the insight, there's still fighting, there's a partial giving up and still there's a tremendous suffering. Robert: Then simply quiet your mind, sit still and do nothing. Everything will happen by itself. Like you're doing now, become still. Do not try to do anything to yourself. If thoughts come just watch them and everything will take care of itself. That's when you abide in the Self, when you do nothing and everything stops, all action stops and no matter how things come to you, you don't care, you just don't react. Even death, makes no difference. Student: Would you say that there is something more important than all of the sadhanas? Robert: No you can't say that because that's the ego again, but when you just sit and all fear leaves you, something else will take its place and that will be bliss and happiness. When you stop fearing. So just sit and let all the fears come. Smile and sit still. Student: You mean just look at them and detachedly? Robert: Just watch them. Let them come, let them do their worst, let them drive you crazy and you don't care, let them. But you try to stop, now, let them. Just whistle, sing a song, do nothing and watch what happens. Student: So you're talking basically about self-observation, Robert? Robert: Not even self-observation because you've got to think about that, to do self-observation. You're actually just doing just absolute zero. You've turned yourself off and you have the attitude, even if I die right now, so what, doesn't matter. Even if my worst fear manifests, good, let it. (laughter) Student: It seems difficult. Robert: No not really, it seems difficult but it's easy if you do it, try it. Get by yourself and just sit down, put your hands together and do absolutely nothing. Don't tell yourself you're watching or you're practicing anything at all. Give all practices up, give it all up. Student: So even questioning, "Who am I?" is still ego? Robert: Yes, definitely, give everything up and let the worst come.

The other ways are all the ego using mind to undo itself but you can also let Self do it if you just get ego out of the way. There comes a point where you have to just yield and let Self take care of it, you'll know when it is (also it's ultimately the best overall method imo cos we're all lazy, right? The less effort the better haha. Free mind purification for zero effort yay! Thanks Self -- Although it takes effort to still and cleanse the mind to a point where meditation becomes enjoyable and effortless as opposed to feeling bored and wanting mental stimulation). Now I can enjoy meditation, not with any expectations but simply just being feels the best. And sometimes it's a rhythmic dance of switching between the two. But now I only release things that naturally come up in daily life as opposed to digging into the past to look for limiting thoughts to drop.

Just be flexible and follow what feels right and you'll eventually understand what that balance is for you. I hope this helps you!

[scoobydoodean]

I think part of the reason Cas hates Crowley and dislikes Benny (at first) so much is that both of them don’t self-sacrificingly resist from ever asking Dean for anything and do pursue a relationship with him (argue over whether it’s romantic, or whatever). I think Cas is sort of unable to handle the transition between the way things work in heaven (heavily regimented, everyone knows who they are to each other) and on Earth (lots of feeling out boundaries). I think the disconnect people are expressing is they don’t understand that Cas’ discomfort isn’t Dean’s fault, even if it is relatable/makes sense from the perspective of a very isolated character who has already lost all sense of belonging and fears jeopardizing that further by asking for literally anything from the few friends he has left. Cas didn’t hide how he felt for Dean’s benefit (though he may have told himself that), he did it for himself. And that’s totally understandable, but like you said, you can’t have a real relationship if you never communicate what you want out of it. And that is again, not Dean’s fault.

That's interesting about Crowley and Benny. This is definitely all a perspective I can respect.

I think from my perspective, what Cas struggled with with Benny early on (and Purgatory is a good example of most of Dean and Cas's problems actually), is that Benny immediately wanted an answer as to why Cas abandoned Dean in Purgatory. Dean actually would have been willing to brush it under the rug (this is the guy who rewrote his own memories of what transpired at the portal to make it so Cas didn't intentionally let go of his hand). Benny was willing to poke into the issue, and he did, in fact, find some hot air in that balloon. Cas and Benny both agreed that Cas was a liability, but Cas did believe in his own integrity (at least when it came to his choices on "The Best Ways To Protect Dean Winchester"—which in this case, involved bailing). The thing is... "protecting Dean" isn't the entire explanation for Cas's actions (see 8.07), and that's why Cas didn't like Benny poking at him. He'd suffered enough hits to his self-image and didn't want to deflate any further (and I'm not entirely sure Cas knows yet why he might deflate further if pressed—but Benny—the person with the objective outsider's view—is shrewd enough). Even if "Protecting Dean" was the sole reason for Cas's actions, it's bullshit anyway, because Cas proves while doing it that he doesn't actually see Dean's opinions and feelings about the best ways to protect Dean as relevant to protecting Dean, and... they are. Not just because Cas isn't always right and needs someone to challenge his perception (maybe abandoning Dean to a pack of gorilla-wolves isn't the best way to protect him... shocking idea I know), but also because Cas isn't capable of understanding Dean better than Dean understands himself, and actually has no idea how badly he can actively harm Dean (the exact opposite of what he is trying to do) through actions that are intended to protect Dean.

Does Cas realize that he treats Dean's feelings as irrelevant when he is off doing Hot Girl Summer things, and that he frequently wounds Dean while trying to protect him? Of course not—which is how he isn't actually Chuck or John 2.0. He's got a lot of issues going on in his life, like being raised in the equivalent of a weird religious cult where free will was frowned upon, losing a lot of his strength over the course of the series which he stocks the majority of his self-esteem into, lots of siblings with very different expectations, speciesism, homophobia (speciesphobia?), repeated lobotomies, and like you said... cultural differences (we actually don't talk about this enough lmao).

As a clarification, what I'm arguing isn't exactly that Cas didn't communicate what he wanted out of the relationship and therefore his stans can't blame Dean for Cas's issues (though I would agree with that argument). I'm actually arguing that Cas pre-decided, without an actual conversation or input from Dean or clarification of what he might think if all the cards were on the table, that a relationship with Dean was impossible. What he wanted was something he could never have. So he specifically did not communicate his feelings. Instead, he slotted himself into Dean's life in a very specific way—and it wasn't in a romantic way (move over, "Dean needs to pull his head out of his ass" truthers—your ideas aren't just patronizing—they're wrong—hope this helps <3). Cas intentionally slotted himself into Dean's life such that he was Dean's guardian, ready to be martyred in his name to achieve sainthood. The object of his affections was Dean Winchester though, not Moloch, so that blood offering wasn't smelling super tasty to his god of choice... and Cas never did quite get that part—that every single one of his blood offerings smelled less like tasty morsels of bacon and pie and more like repeatedly stacking proof that Dean Winchester is poison and anyone who falls in love with him slated for a violent horrible death... his touch is worse than Midas's.

[avatardarksrealm]

Intro

Hello! It’s Dark and I am here to share you my personal guide/advice as to what i do to lucid dream. Please remember that what may work for me may not work for you. You are free to ask for any clarifications, questions, advice, etc. in the comments. Please do not claim this guide as your own. Remember to read this with an open mind, and an open heart 🧿💕.

Dream journaling

This is a common one, and although many people probably make a journal specifically for them to write down their dreams on it, it doesn’t work for me if i personally do that. Mostly because I will forget that I even own a notebook, and will probably lose it/lose track. What I do, is that since i always have my ipad near my bed when I’m asleep, I dm a friend about the dreams I had. If you don’t want to tell a friend, you can also use the notes app on your device.

Advice: Something I used to do is make my own discord server just for myself, where i organize my scripts. Every channel has a theme. For example,you can have a channel where you write down your dreams, and another one where you write down you lucid dreams, etc. since it’s discord, the date will already be recorded so no need to worry about when you experienced your dreams.

Meditating

When I meditate, I often sit down and close my eyes rather than laying down, mostly so that I do not fall asleep while doing so (unless I am doing a method that requires me to sleep). I focus on my breathing, and I try to breathe slowly and as quiet as possible.

What I do:

1. I sit in a comfortable position and I put some brown noise if my surroundings are too loud for me to concentrate. You can also lay down if you desire.

2. I feel my breath. I pick a spot, which can be nose, belly or chest. I focus on really feeling the inhales and exhales.

3. Every time you get lost in thought -which you will, many many times-you forgive yourself and you gently return to your breathing.

Tips:

-to help me stay focused, I count my breaths. You start at one, and when you reach ten (if you do) you start back at one. Every time you get lost or distracted, you start over.

-set a timer for how long you want to meditate. I’d personally recommend 5-10 minutes of meditation for beginners.

Subliminals

Listening to lucid dreaming subliminals whenever I feel like doing so has helped me a lot to lucid dream. I said “whenever I feel like doing so” because manifesting shouldn’t be treated as a chore. Below are two subs I mostly listen to that have helped me a lot.

1. My lucid dreaming / void state subliminal combo

2. This galantamine supplement

Reality checks

A popular reality check method is pinching your nose. I do this one sometimes. You basically take a deep breath in, and you then pink your nostrils shut and you try to breathe in. You can’t breathe in because your nostrils are sealed shut. My personal method is to touch anything (usually the walls) and see how it is solid. In dreams, my hand will usually pass through it or look blurry.

Methods

These are some methods I personally do sometimes

Using the hypnagogic state

I basically affirm to myself “i am sleepy, i am so sleepy” and relax my body as much as i can. I also try to slow my breathing down (basically I inhale for 4 secs, hold for 4, and exhale for 4). Once I feel sleepy or start hallucinating, I tell myself that I will lucid dream the moment I fall asleep.

WBTB (wake back to bed)

This method I have used it in the past, usually on weekends. I basically set an alarm in my ipad after 4-6 hours of sleep, to target my REM cycle. Your cycle may be different from mine, so you should experiment what works for you. If you just woke up from a dream, that means that you are in your REM cycle. I then do activities that do not wake my body too much-such as going to the bathroom, meditation, etc. I sometimes use my ipad to play some subliminals for me to lucid dream for 5 mins, but I do not recommend this if your device keeps you awake. I then go back to sleep, and I then start lucid dreaming.

Alternative to the WBTB method:

Idk how this method is called, or if it is popular enough to have a name, but I basically put my alarm to my REM cycle, and once I wake up, I stay still in my bed. I close my eyes again, and tell myself “I will lucid dream” and immediately go to sleep.

How i stabilize my lucid dreams

I usually try to touch the walls in my dreams (or the ground) and feel the wall with my hands. Sometimes spin around in my dream and I yell “STABILITY”. Another thing that I sometimes do (which I dont recommend for everyone) is to blink while lucid dreaming. Some people may wake up while blinking, so I dont recommend this to everyone.

Witchcraft

Sigils

This is not for everyone, but you could try using sigils if you need help in lucid dreaming. I personally made a sigil that will help the user get rid of any blockages regarding anything that may hinder them from manifesting (including lucid dreaming, shifting, etc).

You chant: “I break the chains of whatever is holding me back. My blockages don’t define me, and i let go of thinking otherwise.”

And you can look/stare at this sigil for as long as you want. This sigil is energy charged with the energies of my higher self and energies of my wr. Please do not steal this sigil and claim it as yours 🧿⬇️.

Asking for help

You could also ask help from someone you’re close to from your desired reality to help you lucid dream. I sometimes ask Zuko, Kacchan, or my deity for help. However, if you are new to deity work, please do your research and only do it once you are ready to work with them.

Crystals I use for lucid dreaming

-amethyst for relaxation and promoting lucid dreams

-celestite for easing anxiety when sleeping

Teas i drink/plan to drink again for lucid dreaming

-chamomile (for me to feel sleepy, as I struggle to sleep/remain asleep as i have a lot of energy)

-peppermint

-valerian root tea (with cinnamon powder)

Outro

So this is the things I do to lucid dream! Hopefully it helps some of you. Remember that this is my personal experience! You are free to experiment and see what works out for you. Have a great day/night

🧿🌸✨🦋💕