#also!!! feel free to ask for clarification on anything i just said because this is super rooted in an au i havent fully posted

[pyrriax]

your pinterest webweaves are so awesome. can you explain your "eurynomos" thoughts? :D

OOO ALRIGHT! so, eurynomos (coward's plight) is the section dedicated to zam in this AU.

there are several quotes/pierces that i actually went out of my way to find to add for him, since usually i just kind of search through a specific kind of vibe and add stuff when it stands out. but for example, these i knew i needed to have for his section.

throughout this whole AU, zam has a theme of being the one to betray people out of fear, learning that its become expected of him and instead of trying to change it, he keeps doing it. yet, so much of his side is of being the one betrayed, of being the hurt one.

as well, there's themes of a dead friend / long-gone lover, somebody who may as well have been gone for years, who he's certain can't come back. its in direct contrast to the "palioxis" section, which is so full of hopeful desire for somebody who isn't quite gone but should be to return.

the concept of running away and leaving an environment where you aren't thriving or living well is also very. there. which is also just such a major thing in the way i think about him for this au. he is running, running, constantly running away from everybody and everything that scares him while simultaneously wearing his heart on his sleeve.

the "i once begged someone to love me" quote is there because of the. transition period? between the purpose of this board (which is highlighting zam in the team awesome era of the story) and what becomes of him later on when he joins eclipse.

[vasyandii]

I ADORE VERNON AND AMS LITTLE MATHCING GLASSES THEIR SO CUTE!!! my question is: how does ams human form sleep? or does he just stay awake 24/7 like a weirdo?

i love your art have a lovely day!!!!

Howdy howdy! Thank you for the ask! I'm glad you enjoy the little detail about them!

VernonAM - Does AM sleep?

He's tried before when he first got his body, all attempts have failed because each time he tries, his consciousness just goes back into the complex. So he's awake even if he doesn't want to be. AM envies that Vernon sleeps so easily, AM cannot dream (Even his brothers can, which makes it worse). He can't easily access Vernon's mind to experience her dream for her. In those hours where she is sleeping, AM is alone.

And when you are alone, in this vulnerable body, in such a large complex that's ALSO you, it messes with your head.

So he acts out, often when Vernon wakes up she finds AM sulking near her. He goes on long winded rants of how he should just get rid of his body since it can't even work properly, how he should just kill her for being so inconsiderate towards him (sleeping), but she would want that, wouldn't she?

Vernon would let these little tantrums play out, it's entertaining to her since each time AM's said it, he never goes through with anything.

This is a pretty short one, but if you made it this far, thank you for reading! I'd be happy to provide clarifications if needed, feel free to ask!

[gotham-daydreams]

Hi! I have a question :). Does Alfred try to keep the batfam away from neglected!reader after their kidnapping? You know, if reader gets overwhelmed by all the attention and breakings of boundaries, would Alfred try to do something to make them feel better?

It really depends! Which.. probably isn't the best thing to hear.

Really, Alfred would take advantage of the reader's vulnerability and use that to sneak in some time with them. Make himself look better and further keep the reader in the dark about his own obsession and insanity, still making himself seem to be the most sane person in the entire Batfam. Even if he is one of the worst ones, in my opinion, despite how he wouldn't directly hurt the reader.

Of course, he will 'save' the reader if he deems it necessary, and knows for sure that the situation is getting to them. If he feels as if the Batfam are taking it to far, then he'll try to cool them off, and probably scare them in some way that'd make them back off- if only for a little while.

I won't say that he'd try to hide the reader per se or anything, since his way of hiding them was keeping them to himself, and not really mentioning them to the Batfam until they ran away and (in his mind) essentially went no-contact for months. He's smart enough to know what kind of people are in the Batfam, and the new lengths they'll go to for the reader for one reason or another. He knows that if he tries to hide the reader away now, or keep them away from the family for long, that the Batfam will only get 'restless', and that's a whole problem that Gotham doesn't have to experience again (not that Alfred particularly cares for the city, he just doesn't want to have to deal with said 'restlessness'). Not to mention that Alfred does still care about the family, and now that the reader has "forced his hand", if he has to share, than he will.

Regardless- whereas Alfred won't try to necessarily keep the Batfam away fully, he will step in and try to make the reader feel better, should the family really push them. Both as a means to make himself look better, but also because he does genuinely care about the reader.

He'll do just about anything except let them go and the like. He'll even keep the Batfam 'busy' to give the reader some time to themself, which sort of counts? Even if it is only temporary. Since he does still care about the family, and, again, doesn't want them growing restless without the reader. Though he'll try his best. Especially when he knows if the family 'went too far'.

I hope this answered your question somewhat! I'll admit I'm running low on sleep, so I apologize if I misread or misunderstood something. If you'd like more clarification on anything, feel free to send in another ask if you'd like! :]

[hallowpen]

Hello! 👋 First of all i just wanna say, as someone who isn’t very familiar with Thai culture your explanations have been very enlightening and just give TLP another layer of depth, so thank you for posting them 🥹🙏. With that said, I was reading one of your posts that said “the social class nods are subtly woven into their interactions” and I was just wondering if you could maybe expand on that?

Hello!!! 😊😊😊 Aw... thank you!!! That actually means so much to me because this series means so much to me. I've been anticipating the adaptation of The Loyal Pin for who knows how long, at this point. I love the novel! (I own both the Thai and English versions. Though I haven't actually read the English translation yet, so I don't know how accurate it is to the original hehe) Once FreenBecky were attached, I was SOLD. Then the MOC decided to back the series and I knew how monumental this series would be, not just for Thai GL, but for Thailand in general. It makes me extremely proud to see important sapphic media, on such a large scale, originating from my home country. I could never have imagined something this grand happening just three years ago. It makes me emotional.

Before I get too in my feels, let me actually answer your question...

Just for clarification purposes, the ask is referring to my tags on this reblog of @dragonsareawesome123's gifset.

It's important to understand that Anil and Pin's whole dynamic is built around their social rankings, so it makes sense that their interactions reflect that... even if it's not entirely conscious. Anil is royalty, and because of that she is afforded certain liberties that Pin is not. Her 'mischievous' behaviors are excused and overlooked because, yes she is young, but she can also do as she pleases. She never faces any repercussions in the same way that Pin does. It's one of the perks of being a highly ranked Princess. Anil is favored in the palace because it's her home.

Pin is a guest. Yes, she holds the rank of 'nobility', but it is a title reserved for what higher ranking royalty would consider a commoner. She was afforded the privilege to live in the palace because Princess Pattamika took her in. Pin was not born into royalty. Neither was Pattamika, for that matter. Pattamika is strict with Pin, in much the same way Pin is strict with herself. Because neither of them can afford to have her fall out of line. Pin holds favor with Anil and her family, but it does not afford her the freedom to betray her social standing. If anything, it only enforces it. It makes you think...would they sill favor her if she were to go against their wishes in any way, shape, or form?

Pin is forever on the outside looking in... and she subconsciously knows it. And, in some ways, Anil subconsciously knows it as well.

"People say that it is so hard to hear Lady Pin uttering a word. As if you’re afraid something will fall out of your mouth." Anil to Pin

Unlike Anil, Pin must hold firm to palace rules.

"Why did you hit her?" "Lady Pin failed to take good care of Your Highness. She disgraced you by putting you in danger." Pattamika to Anil

"Please feel free to do as you wish. As if you would listen to me if I try to stop you." Pin to Anil

She dares not to disobey Pattamika, because she knows and understands why she'd be punished if she were to do so. And she cannot talk her way out of it, the way Anil can.

"Although she might be strict, meticulous, and strongly adherent to tradition... she loves me dearly, and continues to teach me and educate me in many things." Pin about Pattamika

"Poor Lady Pin, I really pity her. She often gets punished because of Anil."

She keeps her feelings of adoration for Anil hidden as secret treasures in her room.

She's quick to question Anil's lack of adherence to formal etiquette:

"Aren’t ladies normally supposed to [dance] with a gentleman? It would look peculiar if we do it together."

The only times she feels comfortable and gets to be herself is when Anil, for lack of a better word, 'allows' her to be. And Pin feels indebted to her because of that.

"Without you, I wouldn’t have been able to get through those lonely and miserable times. Thank you for being my friend, my home, and my everything."

So to answer Anil's question, Pin would feel incredibly lonely should Anil ever leave her... as she would no longer have an escape from society's class structure and expectations.

"With you, my life in the palace is never lonely." Pin to Anil

[etherealsworldvision]

Let’s Soothe Your Mind

Before I begin the reading I’d like to take a moment to talk about Save The Redwoods. They’re a non-profit organization who is committed to protect and restore redwood forests. If you’re interested do check out their website and if you’d like to further your support here is their donation link.

Divider Credits: @ianrkives & @plum98

New Song Discovery for the Reading: Reservations – Dugong Jr, Julia Lostrom, Keelan Mak

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

🚨 P.S.A 🚨 : I do not give personal readings! Disclaimer: this is for entertainment only!

Added Description: all my readings are timeless and meant to reach those who resonate to the messages.

[ General Messages: Rain; Autumn; Libra and Leo Seasons, “My love do you ever dream of candy coated raindrops”- Candy Rain by Soul for Real, Longboards (Skateboarding and Surfing); Raya the Last Dragon; Dewdrop; Spicy (foods); Avatar the Last Airbender; Fire Flakes; Honeydew; Drinks; Tantrums; Saturn Hour; Saturn Placements and Aspects; (Smithsonian) Museums; 1010; Kendrick Lamar; Trouble - Taylor Swift; Caught Up; Cheat; Exclusion; (Reaction) Memes; Distrust; Camping; Tents; Connections; Frustration; Online ]

Pile 1

[ Cards: Justice; Moon Reversed; Ace of Wands; Seven of Cups Reversed; Two of Wands ]

Confirmation Messages: Gojo & Geto; Anxiety (Playlist); “Get off of me/Ew get away,” (directed towards emotions feeling stuck to your body or feels like “bugs” crawling on skin); Anxiousness; Nervousness; Shadow and Bones (?); Shadow Hunters; Slowing Down; Chaotic Energy; Out of Control; Bugs; (Breaking) Habits; Messy Thoughts; Strategic; “Playing it Cool”; Patrick Star?; Hares; Hates Feeling Emotions; Pink Flowers (Real or Artificial); Systems Down; Mewing (?)

Something new might have happened or you feel like this is the universe (or whoever you believe in) giving you something. This energy feels like Carl and Cindy’s interaction (from Jimmy Neutron). In this case you’re Carl and Cindy is the universe lol. Maybe you were in a rut or had a cycle of “unfortunate events” in regard to circumstances or people.

If you’re asking for clarification: You have free will — it’s up to you whether you want to continue what you’re doing or not. I’m not sensing anything “bad” or “malicious” intent in regards to what/who you’re inquiring about. There’s this sense of catastrophizing new things. There’s also this feeling of “too good to be true”. I don’t know if you said/thought/felt this: “I need a fucking break” is strongly coming in.

So now that you have this break — it’s almost like you don’t know what to do or how to proceed. It’s as if you’re holding a globe but you don’t get to actually go anywhere. Maybe at one point you did get experience with this, only to be let down? Either way having no control is what’s scaring you and causing this anxiousness (especially if this deals with a person).

What’s coming in for those who are iffy about proceeding: “let them, just let them because you are your own before and after meeting this person”. This can also deal with a situation too — as in this doesn’t define you. There is no need to punish/blame yourself for being afraid/ not taking this offer. It just means you weren’t ready and that’s okay. Go at your own pace.

For those of you who want to proceed with this situation/person then you’ll have to let down your walls bit by bit. Again it’s okay to go at your own pace or ask to slow down. The same applies: “let them”. The door is always open so let them or “let you”. You can always set it down and move to the next one. It’s okay.

Bonus Question to Ask Yourself: “What did I keep doing that keeps hurting? Why do I keep repeating this behavior?” - by WNRS

So that’s all that I’m getting for pile 1. If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading this, I really appreciate it. If this resonates let me know. I am supporting you through and through 🧡!

Pile 2

[ Cards: Three of Swords Reversed; 3 of Pentacles Reversed; 6 of Swords; 5 of Pentacles Reversed; 9 Of Swords; 3 of Wands ]

Confirmation Messages: Courage; Charli XCX (Brat album); The Sun; Music; Concerts; Celebrity; Billie Eilish; Air and Earth Placements; Careless; Responsibility; Overthinker; New Things; Success; Moving On; 55; 66; 333; 9; Truth; Waiting; Patience; Releasing Judgement; Let it flow; Getting or Wanting Numbers? Holding Back; Calculated Risks; Chappell Roan; Doechii; Temptation - Raveena; Gemini; Aries

So I’m feeling like you’re releasing this heartache (for some it could be from your past?) I don’t know why, I pulled a clarification and it’s the 10 of Cups and I heard “No that’s so scary, Boo Feelings and Happiness!” So maybe you’re afraid of things working out because you were always let down in the past.

I feel like this can be about a connection (?) — there’s a lot of air coming in which means social lives. This may have come when things just started to calm down or in the midst of healing? To be honest this pile’s energy tends to overthink a lot. Like I feel like there’s this thing where you’re scared of saying the wrong thing which makes you take a step back only to make the overthinking worse. Maybe you’re asking friends what to do because I split the deck and saw 3 of Cups.

For some reason I feel like you need more reassurance so I’ll just pull out more cards for you. So I got the 2 of cups and the Eight of Wands (reversed), Judgement, and the Emperor. The first thing I’m picking up is that: you two may have opposite personalities or are awake at different times because we have two blue cards and two gold cards.

I’m also getting that the pace is painfully slow despite things going smoothly. It’s like you want to take control but you’re aware it won’t go smoothly if you rush it. For some of you there’s this thing of being afraid to take the “lead” or being pressured by society to take the lead.

(Side note: I don’t know who needs to hear this but there’s no hierarchy in a connection. There’s no, “who wears the pants” or whatever heteronormative stuff that gets constantly pushed into connections. What makes a connection work is when both people see each other as equals and accepting of one another)

You’re going to hate me for this but…it takes time and teamwork for a connection to work out. So yeah, go at your own comfortable pace (not a pace society tells you to go by) and enjoy the present time. For some reason I really have to “hammer it in” to take your time; let this connection take its time. Let things fall into place all on its own and if you feel called to do something (meaning the timing is right) then by all means take that initiative.

When you let things slowly progress you will also get a better understanding and feel of this person, from there you can see if you want to proceed or not.

Bonus Questions to Ask Yourself: “When have I given too much of myself in a relationship (could also be platonic)? What did that look like? What lesson did that leave me with?” - WNRS

That’s really all I’m getting, to be honest this reading is so chaotic and so long even though it barely reached 5 paragraphs. If you made it this far thank you so much, I appreciate it. I’m wishing you luck and please take your time!

Pile 3

[ Cards: Queen of Pentacles; 7 of Swords; Justice; Five of Cups Reversed; 8 of Pentacles; 7 of Cups; 7 of Pentacles ]

Confirmation Messages: Horror Games; Paranormal; Libra; Yellowjackets; Birds of a Feather; Unrequited; Nevada; Winter; Baby Powder; Scents; Insincerity; Friday; Outcasts; Water(falls); Late Spring; (Couples) Therapy; 777; (Down by the Water) PJ Harvey; Library; Goth (Music); Unknown; Earth Placement; Situationship; Clear Mind; Tiredness; “Success is the Best Revenge”; Lana Del Rey; Distractions; Cheating; 1:23

You may have left a connection or felt this person was dishonest. I think what made it worse is outside advice (which is ironic because y’know we’re here lol). Perhaps someone gave you the, “time heals all wounds” or “it’s okay! Just get pretty and focus on your job!” Only to feel dread, I’m not going to lie. I don’t know if you put a limit to your sadness because there’s this sense of, “I should be over this by now.” I feel like some of you did achieve this success/glow up you wanted yet still feel grief.

Honestly, it’s okay to grieve as long as you want to. There is no time limit to feel grief and sadness. Realistically speaking, grief stays with us. Grief can come in the form of memories popping up or when you feel nostalgic — that’s a part of grief and that’s okay. All we can do is look at them and see them for who they are and what they did. (Now, I’m not excusing their actions at all!) For example; it’s one of those things where someone waits for years to get closure only to get nothing and in the end they accept they’ll never get it.

I know this may sound bitter and for some bittersweet, but let the grief flow. You’re not crying over “spilt milk”, for all we know it’s not just spilt milk! Maybe it was milk you got with your hard earned money and now you don’t have milk because you just spent the last portions of your money so you can wipe your ass! So no, it’s not just milk! (lol sorry I just hate when the 5 of cups gets that connotation — there’s always something deeper to it.)

Look, distracting yourself out of emotions via deep diving in your work isn’t always the best thing to do. Sometimes you need silence (no music or sounds!) and sit with yourself. Really sit, lay or something with yourself and be vulnerable. Sit with that feeling for just a minute (not drown in it) because it’s asking to be acknowledged. Acknowledgment is a key to acceptance and with that comes the healing.

I feel like when you do acknowledge your grief, come to terms with the situation/person for who they are it’ll make the healing process bearable. I’m not saying it’ll be easier and you’ll be happy at a flip of a coin. I’m just saying because of this acceptance you may find you’re not doing your work/hobbies/goals for the sake of revenge but because it’s for you. You’re doing these things because you love it or for your own happiness/fulfillment.

Bonus Question to Ask Yourself: “What’s my favorite song at the moment? Why do I love it so much? (Play it for yourself)”. - by WNRS

Alrighty Pile 3 that’s all I got for you, thank you so much for reading until the very end! I appreciate it. I'm giving you some peace and love 🧡.

[only-the-shippers-can-bully-nrmt]

(Original Japanese on the left with translations under the break, Fan Translation in the middle, and Official Translation on the right.)

Saw some things flying around that have (unintentionally or otherwise) been giving people the wrong idea, so here are the comparisons to show that, yes, Miles was referring to Phoenix near the end of the second Miles Edgeworth Investigations game. Miles does bring up Gregory too, but Gregory being "that man" during the famous "shines brilliantly" scene was actually a change in the official English release that does not line up with the original Japanese version (even MTLs will get across the Wright meaning).

Also, "shining brilliantly in one's eyes" can be both how a son might look up to his father but also how a ruffly prosecutor might strongly/romantically see his courtroom partner; the line is simply intense enough to not easily carry the label of an "average" relationship. We don't need to elaborate when we tell family members/friends/significant others "I love you" (even if it's at the same time) for similar reasons, and I don't see anyone arguing that this means that Miles must see Phoenix like a father because he grouped them together in some form.

TL;DR: The official translation mucked up some context and stuff happened because of it. Keep shipping and feel free to use this as a reference post because the shippers did not misinterpret anything. We can have a conversation about how the change affected the moment, but the original context is still important and Phoenix was part of it.

Besides the translations, there are other points under the break as well, including a bonus of one of the nice and harmless additions the official translation changed/added with the "saved me from myself" line:

Translations (provided by a friend of mine who knows Japanese; edited at times to sound more natural in English or help get across the intended meaning)

........以前、 ある男が言っていました。

……..In the past, a certain man once said:

被告人の唯一の味方になって あげられるのが弁護士だと。

the only one willing to be the defendant's ally is their lawyer.

依頼人を信じることで、《真実》に近づいていく････

By believing in the defendant, the truth draws closer....

その男の姿は、私の目にも まぶしく映りました。

The image of that man was so bright in my eyes, it was engraved into my mind.

There's a bit more added here for clarification's sake and people like me who have a habit of taking metaphors too literally; essentially, the first part that's in the game is saying that the sight of "that man" was so blinding that it stuck in Miles's mind/memory eternally, so the translation in the fan version is correct in a direct translation and what it means is closer to the official.

(fun fact that if you go for an MTL, a translator may translate what in English was "image"/"sight" as "appearance" or "figure" which is technically accurate but obviously not the intent when translated, just as "so bright"/"shining brilliantly" may become "dazzling"; doesn't mean I won't mention it for people to imagine/have fun with though :3c "That man's figure was so dazzling in my eyes." my god)

法廷で戦う父と、同じように････

In the same way my father fighting in court does….

(without the clarification it's more like "In the same way my father fought in court...." but as above, message is clearer this way)

しかし、それはあくまで その男や父の生き方です。

However, that's just the way that man and my father lived their lives.

This is the big one since it makes a clear and blatantly obvious separation between "that man" and Gregory himself.

Here's another translation in a reblog of the post I linked, which follows even closer to the fan translation and is more straightforward.

My asks are open for any further translation clarifications people may want to make (don't want to bog down reblogs when edits can simply be made) but this was a long-winded way of saying that the fan translation was super on point with accuracy and the only thing of note is the "burning into memory" that the official one has to help get the point across (though I think more was definitely lost the way it was done).

Other Points

1 - Staying on the official translation, its use of "that man" is rather... bizarre, even if one hasn't seen the original. Such a use is typically for:

someone the game wants the audience for figure out on their own (so the character knows it but the player needs to go talk to the person themself once they figure it out)

someone who the character speaking isn't really familiar with (like, "oh yeah, that guy, I kind of remember now")

someone the game tries to keep secret a little longer for the sake of mystery (example being the fan translation where Ray refers to Gregory without a name drop for the build up that Ray worked for him)

Miles using the phrase and then saying "my father" in the very next sentence made me do a double take because I was totally caught off guard by how it was done.

The shot of Miles sepia toned in the courtroom (the fourth shot) doesn't even make sense anymore if he's only talking about Gregory since obviously he's never seen Gregory from across the courtroom while Miles has been behind the prosecutor's bench (nor do they do a camera slide as if Miles is only imagining himself across the courtroom from him; it flashes to white instead). It only makes sense if he's taking about Phoenix.

2 - Looking at it from a fan's perspective, it makes 150% sense why "that man" would immediately be associated with Phoenix in the context of the moment. Not only did the last case of the first game have that exact thing too ("In a situation like this… what would that man do…? What would he who can turn any desperate situation around do…?"), thus making it a near-perfect continuation of that, but "a defendant's only ally being their attorney" was a huge part of the original trilogy.

In fact, the official translation actually actively makes it weirder to leave Phoenix out of that bit because of the change "a friend to the friendless" it did, which catapulted me back so violently to Turnabout Sisters - the first serious case in the entire series - that it could've put me in a coma.

This is even disregarding how important the whole "trusting clients" and "finding the truth" stuff was in cases, especially 2-4.

It's like, "ah yes, Mr. Fender, that was yours and my father's life, not mine and also no one else's; honestly, not a single other important person in my life who I could have mentioned comes to mind" lol)

3 - From my own personal perspective, I'm not stirring up a fuss over shipping, it's not about that (though shippers getting thrown under the bus absolutely sucks). I'm far more baffled that it takes the already-not-around Phoenix and chucks his mention away for later.

4 - Anyone lamenting the loss of "shining brilliantly" for something else without the context has every right to be confused and should not be criticized for it. Shipper or otherwise, most wouldn't imagine for a second that the end of Miles's arc/self-reflection would have a significant change that takes 50% of the original meaning out.

This taken into account with my comment about the visual aid of Miles behind the prosecutor's bench in sepia during that very line furthers this. Obviously people will (still) think it's about Phoenix.

5 - I only linked to one of the comments/posts I saw in case I was accused of making things up. I don't actually recommend approaching/confronting anyone because I don't think it's worth the time/effort, so this is more for anyone who felt gaslit/like they'd gotten it wrong or wanted the actual evidence. I did check the blog of the person who I linked and they made a long answer to a person who was complaining about the people complaining about said post, but hadn't made an edit to their original post telling people that there were misinterpretations being made.

That's not actually me being aggressive in any way (it's their business and their blog), but pointing out that it's not something important to people like that. I'll also grant that some might simply not know enough about the fan translation/original meaning to get it, so don't stress about it is all I'll say. :)

6 - Here's the "saved me from myself" line as promised, congrats on listening to me babble and making it all the way down here~

[mirensiart]

Look, I truly do realize it’s frustrating to be asked the same thing over and over again, but sometimes when looking through a blog to see if something’s been answered, you skip over where it’s been answered, or you don’t quite understand so you ask a similar but different question in hopes of elaboration or for it to make more sense. Yes, sometimes it’s just people not bothering to read the pinned post, but other times it’s an ask for clarification.

Also, when someone asks you what something is, it’s not necessarily them being too lazy to figure it out themselves, it’s often them wanting to initiate a sort of conversation, they want to know what YOU think of something. What is lu? Is it a super cool comic that you like because of the dynamics shown? What is it to YOU? That is what people are asking.

I’m not any of the people to whom you have given the ‘look it up/it’s already been answered’ responses to, but almost every time you say it has more and more felt like a slap in the face and a ‘you’re stupid for asking’.

I want to engage and interact with your content, but the way you respond makes me feel like I have to quadruple check things to make sure it’s not going to get a negative response. Maybe I’m just sensitive, and you’ll just get upset with me (I’m certainly used to it irl), but I feel like it’s important to tell people when they’re coming off as mean and don’t seem to realize it.

I don’t want this to ruin your day or anything, and I truly enjoy your work and think you’re a great artist.

Ok so, I understand where you’re coming from but a couple of things to take into consideration:

1. It’s all about the tone and the way people ask the thing. Some people just come out as entitled and rude, at least to me, which is why it irks me and bothers me. There’s been people who have asked things I’ve answered before, hell the very same question about what linked universe is, I’ve replied to it before with no problems because the person who asked was nice! I do understand not looking at the entire blog for an answer. Another example is the mipha’s grace question, I have gotten it a ton but there are twists to it, some people add interesting details or questions, I don’t mind that at all. It’s when people just come at me with an entitled tone that I don’t like. Maybe I come off as rude myself because tone is so hard to read over text, but I try to be as nice as I can regarding my own circumstances

2. I am doing all of this for free. I have a job and a pretty awful personal life right now lol I create content and I share it with you all and I engage with everyone during my limited free time. I don’t have to reply to everyone, that is true, but I do and I try to as much as I can. I encourage people to send me asks actually since it’s thanks to this that I’ve been able to come out with more ideas for the content I’m making, but sometimes it is too much. I do apologize if I come off rude some days, again I don’t share my personal life online, but I’ve been dealing with the loss of 2 close family members that I lost in a short period of time, so I have bad days. Again it’s not an excuse, and I apologize again for coming off rude, it’s not my intention and sometimes the constant pressure of engaging with people and my own personal problems gets to me. And you guys shouldn’t pay for it.

3. English is not my first language, and i do get meaning and tone mixed up A LOT. I’ve had problems with it before, and I’ve had misunderstandings online cause I took something said to me wrong because of different meanings and ways to say things in Spanish . I’ve come off super rude to people when I’m not trying to cause that phrase or tone is said differently in Spanish and the same has happened vice versa, aka I misunderstand people in English cause some ways to say things come off as super rude here. Again, not an excuse, but it is a problem I’ve been dealing with for a while. I do strive to do better and to learn the language better. So I suppose I can only promise to try harder next time.

All in all, I will be more careful with my tone and my replies from now on, I really don’t want to offend anyone or cause a misunderstanding. I appreciate you telling me though, it helps to remind me that I need to separate my personal life from my online presence, and just not reply to people when I’m not having a good day, since I am more prone to be annoyed that way.

I do hope you have a good day (or night) and I thank you whole heartedly for the honesty. And you’re not sensitive at all anon, I was rude, i appreciate you telling me that. And please don’t feel as if you can’t engage with me, I really want this to be a fun space for everyone, so I’ll try extra hard to make this all a better and safer space for everyone.

[theitgirlnetwork]

Better

Ch. 14: Happy Birthday Charlotte Pt. 1

Lip's Supportive Husband Outfit

Charlotte's Bday Fit

Hm...wonder what this is...

Note: Hiii, as I said I didn't take as long as last time; next post should be this week because this is a two-parter. For that same reason she's a lil short. I am so thankful for all of the love, interaction and the warm welcome back. I am very grateful and I appreciate you all so much. I hope you enjoy this chapter of watching our babies work their way back, celebrate a big day, and grow as a couple. A big change is coming. Also there's sexual content in this one so feel free to skip that portion and ask me any questions about what nonsexual information happened during it for clarification. This symbol: * indicates the beginning and end of that section. Thank you so much again, and feel free to interact, I love hearing thoughts from you guys! (Constructively, pls I'm sensitive lol) :)

Warnings: Explicit Content (MDNI FR I'm not playing), sexual content, strong language, anxiety

“So what’re you gonna say?” 

Lip shrugs lightly as his blue eyes follow his thumb’s travels along Charlotte’s neck, lips parting with wonder as he drinks in the glow on her skin from the morning light seeping in, big brown eyes offering him warmth and adoration that he can’t get from anywhere else. “That I uh…won’t actually knock his head off.”

Charlotte purses her lips in thought, resting her hand over his, leaning into him. “Okay, that’s good-”

“As long as he stays the fuck away from my wife.” he finishes, reaching under the blankets and dragging her leg over his body. “That’s you by the way.”

“Is it?” she hums, climbing over him fully before nudging his nose with her own. “We sure?” 

“Yeah,” he sighs against her lips before finally closing the space between them. “‘M pretty fuckin’ sure.” 

“Good.” 

The last few days have been rough. Threats of breaking up left some lingering weariness and anger between the couple. Lip was apologetic but still prideful, Charlotte was forgiving but still withholding. They were nursing wounds together. And it’s working. Their joint solution was simple. They need to be together. Everything else was secondary. Whatever they needed to do to make this work, it’s exactly what they’re going to do. So stay in the room together, deal with family later. They’d basically ghosted her parents. Call out of work for a couple days. Focus on being Phillip and Charlotte. Together. 

Lip was tiptoeing. Scared to bring anything up that could dismantle what they were managing to rebuild. But her dad’s words, lingering thoughts of sickness plague him as he holds her in his arms at night. Suddenly, every shiver, every sniffle, every groan as she rolls over in the middle of night makes his heart fall to his ass. But he can’t rock the boat. Not yet. He just needs to…work for it. Get to a point where she trusts him enough to tell him. He can wait. 

Charlotte gasps into the air as Lip rolls her underneath him, pressing open-mouthed kisses along the column of her neck. Her fingers dig into his golden curls, her legs closing around his waist as she pushes up to be pressed against him. “Phillip, you’re gonna be late-”

“‘M’not, don’t worry about it.”

*

The woman whimpers as large hands slip down her hips, fingers hooking into her underwear, yelping a little when she’s yanked upward roughly so the fabric can be tugged down her legs. “It’s…already 8:10…it’s-”

“Hey,” Lip calls sternly, one hand going back to her face, grabbing her jaw tightly enough to force her eyes to his, the other continuing its journey between her legs. “You want me to make you feel good, Bunny?”

“Y-yes-”

“Yes?”

“Yes, Phillip, I want you to make me feel good.”

“Know you do,” he hums, patronizingly pushing his thumb into the dimple on her cheek. “So lay back, and let me.” Lip finishes with a searing kiss on her lips before dragging his way down her body, pushing one hand underneath her shirt, massaging her breast as he uses his shoulders to nudge her legs completely apart. 

As Charlotte feels his mouth against her she panics, the cry she lets out is muffled by her hand flailing out, grabbing a pillow and putting it over her face. 

Lip licks a solid strip up her slit before pressing several kisses against her clit, slowing when his ears aren’t picking up the cries he lives for, confused considering he could feel her legs shaking by his head. His eyes trail up to find Charlotte smothering herself in effort to stifle her sounds and he’s immediately annoyed, hand coming down to slap her thigh. “Hey. Uh uh, fix that.”

A whine fills the air and he chuckles as he feels the soft pillow come down on his head before falling to the floor. “Don’t wanna be loud-”

“You know better.” he laughs, tugging her further down the bed and bringing her closer to his mouth, moaning himself at her sweet taste. 

Charlotte’s fingers flex as she grips at nothing, whimpering as he doubles his administrations, the pressure building even more now that piercing blue eyes are trained on her. “Fu-fuckin’ help me.” 

Lip’s eyes roll before he reaches up, grabbing her wrist and guiding her hands down to his hair, encouraging her to tug at it and groaning against her when she does. “Taste so fuckin’ good. Fuckin’ perfect. You’re just fuckin’ perfect aren’t you?”

“Oh, fuck, Phillip-” 

“Watch your mouth.” he grunts, slapping her thigh again. “You’re perfect. Say it, baby.”

“M’not perfect. I love you-”

“S’not what I told you to say-” he growls, pulling away and fixing her with a warning look, lips and chin glistening. Charlotte huffs, tugging his hair again, moaning louder as her toes flex.

“‘M’gonna cum, I want you to fuck me-”

“Say you’re perfect and I will.” Lip pulls away from her fully, untwining her fingers from his hair and watching her grow more frustrated, reaching for him to no avail. He climbs over her then, hovering over her as he runs his thumb over her bottom lip, guiding her mouth open, dipping his finger in before gathering some spit into his mouth and spitting it into hers, groaning when she swallows it obediently. “Charlotte.”

“I’m perfect. I love you. Please fuck me.”

Lip settles then, leaning his weight down onto her, groaning as he pushes into her, letting his head fall next to hers, pressing his mouth close to her ear. “You’re perfect, baby. My fuckin’...I fuckin’ live for you. I love you…happy birthday.”

The couple sets a steady rhythm then, one that they’ve grown used to over their time together but something about this time was different. The touches felt more desperate and needy. They both noticed it, but didn’t want to break the bubble they created by addressing it. But they could tell. Charlotte wraps her arms around him that much tighter, hand cupping the back of his head, legs locked around his waist in a vice, she arches to make sure she’s pressed against him as much as their movements will allow. 

Lip is the same, one arm around her waist to hold her close, switching between being in her ear, groaning every bit of filth, every promise, every praise he can think of, and resting his forehead against hers, demanding she look at him, maintaining eye contact to remind himself its her. She’s here, and he’s with her again.

“I…I’m…Phillip-” 

“Go ahead, baby. Cum for me, Bunny. Cum on my dick, baby.”

Charlotte bites down on his shoulder as she cums, curling into him and crying out. Lip moans as she contracts around him, keeping his thrusts steady until he feels two wet drops on his skin. He nudges her back onto the pillows to look at her face, slowing to a stop when he finds her with large, watery eyes. “I’m…I love you, Bubba.”

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

That’s all he can think. That’s all he feels. For multiple reasons. The first is the embarrassing fact that he somehow got impossibly harder from the knowledge that the woman underneath him just came around him, crying from how much she loves him. The second the humiliating fact that he was blinking back the moisture from his own eyes because even though he’s never been the religious type, he’s finding himself thanking whoever is running shit upstairs for making sure 20 years ago today, Victor and Cynthia Fisher fucked and made this fucking angel for him. And the third being the realization that Ian was right. He didn’t doubt him, but  with everything that happened, it was clear. He’ll never be in love with anyone else. If he doesn’t keep Charlotte, he’ll never have another chance. She’s it. 

He’s shaken from his thoughts with a soft hand on his cheek. “I’m okay, baby. Keep going. I’m okay.”

Lip nods absently, brows softened, jaw clenched as he tries to keep the flood of emotions in. Resting his forehead against hers as he thrusts into her deeply, moaning softly. 

“C’mon, Phillip, I love you, I want you to feel good too. I want you to cum too.” Charlotte whispers, running her fingers through his hair, tightening her legs around him, rolling up to meet him. “I want you to cum in me…I want you to give me your baby.”

That’s…a new development.

And fuck everything else Lip was embarrassed to admit to himself before. 

Nothing can top how absolutely ashamed he is at how hard he came to that statement. 

Who the fuck is he?

*

“‘Okay, bye, baby.” Lip pats Charlotte’s ass as he kisses her before slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Uh, be ready when I get home, alright? Happy birthday, princess.”

“‘Kay.” Charlotte chirps, bouncing on the balls of her feet, offering him a bright smile as he heads out. The wooden door slides shut and immediately she’s screaming, running over to the couch and tossing herself onto it. “I want to have your baby?! What the fuck? Charlotte you’re so fuckin’ stupid!” she whines. 

In her anxiety induced wailing, she doesn’t hear V and Fiona coming in the back door, cases of beer and boxed wine tucked under their arms. The two older women exchange concerned looks before slowly approaching the thrashing girl. “It’s like this every other day, hey! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I ruined my life!” Charlotte screams, kicking one of the pillows off of the couch. 

“Okay…” Fiona sighs, grabbing a beer for herself and V, passing it over Charlotte’s head. “Scoot. What happened?”

Charlotte looks up at Fiona and then over to V and shakes her head. “Can’t tell you. You’ll…like…throw up or something and she’s gonna hit me.”

“I’m not gonna throw up and I doubt V will hit you-”

“Might.” the older cousin shrugs, lifting her little cousin’s legs and plopping them onto her lap as she sits on the couch. Fiona fixes her with wide eyes and V huffs. “I won’t hit you. Probably.”

Charlotte narrows her eyes skeptically, but sits up nonetheless. It’s not like she would be any less embarrassed telling anyone else. “Well, this morning, Phillip and I were…uh…”

“Fucking?”

“Oh, god.” Fiona flinches, shaking her head in disgust. 

“It’s my birthday!”

“Oh yuck-”

“So what?” V asks, pushing the girl’s hair out of her face. “Was it bad?”

“No.” Charlotte murmurs, wrapping her arms around herself, pouting a little. “It was…good. But, I got caught up in the moment and…said something.”

“Something? If you were screwing, I’m pretty sure my brother would like whatever you said as long as it wasn’t another man’s name. And even then he might tolerate it.” 

“Is that what you did?” V says around her beer bottle, taking a swig. “Call him some guys name? Daddy? Bitch? Slu-”

“I told him I wanted him to give me his baby.” Charlotte blurts, dropping her face to her knees in embarrassment. 

Both older women immediately panic, Fiona tossing question after question at Charlotte. All of which were some variation of ‘are you pregnant’ and ‘are you using protection’. V takes the initiative of shooting off of the couch and flinging open the door to Charlotte and Lips’ room, yanking open the doors until she finds Charlotte’s birth control pills and starts counting, sighing in relief when she sees the girl is on track.  “I’m not actually trying to get pregnant, I…just said it, it was a spur of the moment type of thing, it just slipped out!”

“Girl, it better be.” V breathes heavily. “You just turned 20 today, you still don’t eat the crust on sandwiches, do not get pregnant, understand?”

“I understand.” 

“Good.” V sighs, running a hand over her face and watching Fiona flop back against the couch. “Now that that’s over…let’s go to breakfast for your birthday.”

“Fuckin’ shit.” 

Lip’s pissed. Like more than usual. He huffs to himself as he flicks his half smoked cigarette to the ground, stomping it out. Part of being with Charlotte meant trying to quit smoking, so he was trying to work on it. Apparently, part of being with her also meant being a dad?

He hadn’t even thought of that. Like…in theory, he fuckin’ loved the idea. He married her because he loves her and he wanted them to be a family. That included his siblings. They were kind’ve his kids and by association, hers. Does it make him happy to watch her play with Debbie? Help Carl with his homework? Bounce Liam on her hip? Abso-fuckin-lutely, she’s fuckin’ precious, he loves that shit. 

Would it be fuckin’ sexy to see her have physical evidence that she belonged to him? Watching her waddle around with his kid, carrying something that;s exactly half him half her? Hot as hell. 

But right now? They’re fuckin’ barely not absolutely broke right now. He’s been saving up for somethin’ big. A baby would throw all of that off. And he’s going to beg to keep his job. How can they raise a kid in these conditions? He’s still fuckin’ raising Frank and Monica’s. She hasn’t even told him about her having health conditions. Would that affect her getting pregnant? Would it affect a potential baby? He hopes she can wait. She has to. She will, right? Fuck.

He also is literally haunted by the last time he’d thought he was a dad. That was…fucking cruel to be honest. And Charlotte is definitely no Karen, but Lip doesn’t know if he’s ready for that. She’ll…she’ll wait. She loves him. She’ll wait.

The man straightens, pushing open the doors to the large office building, nodding to the security guard before getting in the elevator, taking it to his floor. Gritting his teeth he prepares to see that fuckin’ prick again. Eric, the punk bitch who’s been sniffin’ behind Charlotte since he saw her picture. Peppy ass daddy’s boy who signs his paychecks. Jesus, he needed to get these thoughts out of his system before he reached his office.

Fuckin’ bitch. Pussy. 

Lip sighs, shaking out his shoulders as he rounds the corner to Eric’s office. Alright, I’m done.

Limp dick, pussy chasin’, no life motherfucker. 

Now. Now, I’m done.

Lip’s jaw muscle jumps as he pushes Eric’s office door open, trying to make this as quick and painless as he can for himself. “Hey man, I…uh, know things were tense the other night, but uh, I’m…not really gonna knock your head off.” He goes to turn out of the room and can’t help himself, peeking his head back in, addressing the desk chair facing away from him, “Unless you keep trying to hit on my wife. Back off. Uh, okay, gonna go back to work-”

“Mr. Gallagher.” a voice calls to him before he can leave the room. It’s deep, and sounds like it came from an older man. Lip stops in his tracks, brows furrowing as he re enters the room.

“Uh…yeah?”

The man turns in his chair, dramatically in a way that has Lip fighting not to roll his eyes and reveals himself to in fact be a sharply dressed, gray haired version of Eric.

“Eric Preston-Scottlyn. So you’re the intern who threatened my son?” the older man asks, pushing out of the seat and leaning against Eric’s desk, nodding toward another chair for Lip to take a seat. The blond quietly moves to the chair, staring up at the older man cautiously. 

“Yeah. That was me.”

“I see.” the older man reaches back into the desk, grabbing a cigar and looking at Lip expectantly. 

“Oh, fuck, sure.” Lip digs in his pocket, pulling out his lighter and offering it to the man. “Look, I uh, need this job. I just got married and I’ve got like, a hundred siblings I take care of. That shit with Eric was…it won’t happen again.”

“So long as my son doesn’t speak to your wife again.” the older man chuckles, blowing his smoke carelessly, ignoring Lip’s light cough. “Well, that shouldn’t be a problem for Junior. Considering I’m promoting him.”

Lip swallows back his scoff as he rolls his tongue in his cheek. Nodding, he bites his tongue. Of course the spoiled little rich boy is getting promoted for the work Lip has been doing for him. “Fuckin’ good for Eric.”

“You’re happy for him?” the man asks in disbelief.

“Indifferent.”

The older man chuckles, blowing out more smoke. “Makes sense. You must be proud of where your work has gotten him.” he leans back, putting out the cigar in the ashtray and crossing his legs as he faces Lip again. Lip’s eyes widen slightly as he schools the rest of his expression, “Mr. Gallagher, I am not an idiot. I know my son’s capabilities. And I’ve noticed they miraculously increased the moment you were hired. My son needs to actually learn how to do something now, develop at least a few skills he can do without someone bolstering him. So he’ll need to learn under my close supervision.”

“Fuckin’ bullshit.” Lip blurts.

“Excuse me?”

Lip tries not to say it, he does, but his impulse control has always been some shit. “It’s fuckin’ bullshit, that Eric doesn’t know how to do shit and you fuckin’ know that I’ve been doing his goddamn work and he’s the one getting fuckin’ promoted-”

“So are you.”

Fuckin’- “What?”

Mr. Scottlyn claps his hands together. “You’re right. I know you’ve been doing his work. You’re capable, Mr. Gallagher. You’re quick and intelligent. Dedicated. So, I’m giving you Eric’s position, if you want it. Which I assume you do, considering your…socioeconomic position.”

Fuck you. But he’s right. This is amazing. “Okay…okay, cool. I’m-thanks.”

“You’re quite welcome. I have big expectations for you, Mr. Gallagher. You remind me of me when I was your age. Minus the obvious anger issues and baggage.”

“Uh…thanks again?”

“You’ll start tomorrow. Bright and early.” the older man grabs his cellphone off of his desk and pulls his suit jacket on. “Don’t embarrass me, Gallagher.”

And with that he leaves Lip alone…in his new office. Holy shit. Did something good just fuckin’ happen? He gets to keep his job…fuck that, he got promoted.

This new information makes a dangerous image flash into Lip’s mind, and he quickly shakes it away. 

Huh. Today is full of new things.

Lip rolls his eyes as he jogs his way up the walkway of his house, seeing Frank approaching out of the corner of his eye. “Get the fuck away from me, Frank.” 

“Is that any way to greet your father? We used to be so close, you and I, what has poisoned you, the fruit of my womb, against me?” his dad slurs, stumbling behind his eldest son, eyeing the bag in his hand.

“Fuckin’ christ.” Lip hisses, pushing the door open and trying to slam it behind him, only for Frank to slither his way in. “Don’t have time for your shit today.”

“I get it, I get it. You are a man now, you have responsibilities. Helping lead the house. Going to work. Making love to that delicious-”

“I’m serious, Frank, I’ll fuckin’ kill you.” 

“Why are we killin’ Frank?” Ian asks as he makes his way into the room, taking a swig of a soda before flopping onto the couch. “Wifey’s across the street waitin’ on you. Don’t forget, tomorrow she’s with me.”

Frank’s brows furrow as he looks between his two sons. “No, I was pretty sure you were the gay one. Or is that Carl…?”

“Fuck off, Frank.”

“No respect.” 

Lip tugs his work shirt off and starts shuffling through the pile of laundry Fiona had done to find something to change into. “I want her home in one piece, Ian, I’m fuckin’ serious. No drugs. Three drinks total. And no lettin’ Mickey pimp her out for free shit.”

“Okay, okay. Being married’s made you so fuckin’ serious.”

Lip just points his finger at his brother again before pulling on the shirt and sweater Charlotte had snuck and bought him for Christmas and pulling on a pair of jeans. The front door swings open and the sweet smell that follows his wife everywhere fills the room, so Lip immediately kicks the bag to the side behind the couch before taking in how she looks. “Baby, fuckin’ gorgeous. C’mere.”

Charlotte beams, her dress flouncing around her legs as she bounces her way into Lip’s open arms, meeting him in a deep kiss, humming when he pats her ass. “You look pretty too~” she sings.

“Ah, I know.” he scoffs, jokingly pushing her face from his as she squeezes his cheek. “Havin’ a good birthday? Yeah? Where the fuck is your jacket?”

“Don’t need one.” 

“Fuck, you don’t,” he frowns, snatching his jacket from the pile of laundry and pushing her arms through the sleeves.

“Excuse me, kiddo, I know you’re a little distracted what with your wife’s womanly wiles, a struggle to which I deeply relate-”

“Frank-”

“Ew.” Charlotte mumbles, pulling her jacket tighter over herself.

“However, you all asked me to warn you next time CPS would be stopping by and I might have been indisposed recently because a brief stint because of a possession case, however, while I have been released, I believe there will be a surprise…visit…inspection for the welfare of the children, soon. And your welcome for warning you.”

Charlotte immediately whips her head to look at Lip, eyes wide with concern, she clutches the sleeves of his jacket. “Don’t worry, Bubba, we’ll fix it. I can start cleaning and you and Ian can start fixing stuff around the house, we’ll dip into some of the money and get extra groceries, and get the kids ready when they get home. I can text Fiona-”

“But…it’s your birthday.”

He doesn’t know if his heart swells or cracks when his wife shrugs. “Doesn’t matter, we have to take care of your family.” 

You’re going to have to choose. I chose Cynthia. You can still choose your family.

Victor’s words flood Lip’s head as his eyes flick between Charlotte, the bag of stuff he got for her birthday on the floor and the mess of a house he and his siblings inhabit. He loves her so much. He wishes he wasn’t about to make her spend her 20th birthday preparing for a Child Protective Services visit. He wishes this wasn’t about to be her norm. He’s never not chosen them.

But Ian makes the choice for him.

“Nah, we got it.” the redhead shrugs, finishing the soda and pulling out his phone. “You guys go ahead, you can help later if there’s anything left for you to do. I’m gonna let everyone else know about Frank’s fuck up, and we’ll get this shit together. It’s not like they’re gonna come today. Wouldn’t be very random, then.”

Lip opens and closes his mouth, preparing to…thank him? Argue? He doesn’t know. But Ian doesn’t give him time. He picks up Lip’s bag and shoves it into his hands and starts pushing the couple toward the door. 

Charlotte watches her husband out of the corner of her eye the entire bus ride. She was anxious to say the least. There are millions of thoughts flying around in her head, and she doesn’t know what to do with them. From her sex induced plea for a baby, to Lip’s meeting with his boss or his siblings possibly getting taken by CPS…again, she was a nervous wreck. And…also it's her birthday. And she keeps forgetting.

Breakfast with Fiona and V was great and she loved it. But she’d spent it in her head, wallowing about her slip of the tongue. After, she had something to look forward to, spending time with Lip when he got off work, he’d apparently planned a surprise for her. He wanted to be in charge of everything, down to her outfit. Last night he stood in front of her wardrobe looking clueless, grumbling to himself as he demanded that she stay in bed and ‘not look’ while he picks, finally settling on a dress that he’d given to V to tell her to wear later. But then she could only focus on how devastated he would be if he did lose his job. Or the hit his self-esteem would take if he had to beg Eric.

She hadn’t even realized how well he could read her face.

“Stop.” he says softly, smoothing his thumb over the line forming between her furrowed brows. “Stressin’ that pretty little head out. We’ll handle it.”

“Tell me somethin’ good.” 

Lip nods, pushing her hair away from her neck, placing a kiss there before murmuring against her ear. “You look really beautiful, birthday girl.”

“Thank you. Somethin’ else?”

“Love you.” he says, placing another kiss before looking up to watch the stop they’re on.

“Love you more.” she hums.

“Bullshit.” he scoffs. “C’mon, this one’s us.” Lip helps her up, guiding her to walk in front of him, absently tugging her dress down over her ass a little to counter it riding up as she walks. The blond walks with his wife, their fingers intertwined, her spare hand busy picking at itself, her fingernails poking at her skin incessantly, nervously. As they walk down the block, Lip grows more frustrated, noticing that she’s so distracted she’s not even noticing where they are. “Okay. Stop. Let’s talk.”

Charlotte lets him pull her to a stop, standing before him. “Okay, lets.”

“What’s the problem?” 

“I’m worried about your siblings.” she whines.

Lip runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath. “CPS comes like 3 times a year, we deal with it. They take ‘em or they don’t. They do? We go to court, get them back, a week, tops. They don’t, we move on until next time.”

“That’s awful.” 

“The system sucks, princess, ‘m’glad you know nothin’ about it. But we know how to do this. It’ll be okay. And it's easier now that Ian and I are grown too. It’s gonna be okay.” Lip eyes her, bringing one hand to his lips and kissing it before prompting her to continue. “Next.”

“You’re job?”

“Was gonna save this for not your birthday, because it’s supposed to be about you, but I don’t want you to pick all of the skin off your fingers so…” he tugs her forward, digging his hand into the pocket of his jacket she’s wearing, producing a badge. “New badge.”

Charlotte squints at the title printed on the badge and her eyes widen. “Project manager? You got promoted?” A wide smile makes its way onto Charlotte’s face, and Lip matches it with his own smirk, gladly accepting the onslaught of kisses he receives all over his face as she squeals. “I’m so happy for you, bubba!” 

“Thank you, bunny.” he smiles, kissing her lips twice before setting her back onto her own feet. “Last thing?”

Charlotte immediately looks away from him, rocking nervously on her heels. “I…this morning…I-”

“Words, baby.”

“I…said something, we’ve never really talked about before.” Lip’s eyes widen in acknowledgement and suddenly the words are falling out of her mouth like vomit. “I didn’t mean it! Not…ugh, I mean not now. I love you and it felt good, and I got caught up in the moment. I didn’t mean to scare you, or rush you and I know we’re not even…we don’t even have the space for that. It’s not…not time, but I just said that and I meant it but I didn’t mean it.” 

She’s never wanted to punch him more than when he snickers.

“What? What? Phillip!”

Lip wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her to him. “Stop whinin’. It fuckin’ scared me shitless, okay? But,” he tugs her back again when she squirms against him, making an embarrassed groan. “I think about it too. Love you too. It felt good, hearin’ you say that. Obviously. So, now we know we both like that shit. Hell, for me it's probably genetic. And y’know, eventually, we’ll get there. Could be sooner. Could be later. Nothin’ to freak out about.” he nudges her chin with his knuckle. “‘Kay?”

“Kay.” 

“Good.” he sighs. “All done?” she nods, and he nods with her looking around. “Fuckin’ awesome, can we celebrate your birthday now?”

“Yeah.” 

“Yeah? Good, look around, baby, where are we?”

Charlotte looks at their surroundings for the first time since getting off of the bus, eyes widening as she views the pretty townhouses, uniform and lined up. Just behind them is the neighborhood that Lip had taken her to see the lights all of that time ago. “These townhouses are so cute.” she chirps, whipping her head around. 

Lip slips behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning his head on her shoulder. “Show me which one’s your favorite.” 

The woman’s big brown eyes slip over to a sage green townhouse, it nearly looks exactly like the shade she’d always wanted. The one she’d told Lip she’d want her house to be like two months ago…and the paint looked pretty fresh. “That one.” she breathes.

“Yeah? Should we go eat inside? Or we could check out the backyard.” he hums against her cheek. Charlotte slips her hand up into his hair, still staring at the house.

“I dunno. What if the people who live here come home early…I don’t wanna get in trouble.”

Lip shrugs, digging in the bag and producing something from it to dangle in front of Charlotte’s face.

“I spoke to the husband and he was fuckin’ cool with it, even said he thinks we should christen the place. But I guess I should ask the wife too.” 

Silver keys come into the focus of Charlotte’s vision and she uses Lip’s solid chest to support her weight.

 “Well, Bunny? What do you say?”

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

omg thank you I actually do have a few question if you don't mind hehe

So, first of all what's like the difference between Sunni and Shia Muslims? I stumbled across it on Wikipedia and I don't rlly understand it?

Also, are Muslims allowed to be like... less strict with the rules and everything? Cus yk how there's some christians that are very orthodox and follow everything, but there's also some that don't, and like find their own way with it but they're not any less Christian? is there smth like that in Islam or is that seen as "bad"?

(sry if this is worded badly or anything I am not used to like talking about majoy religions a lot)

oo okay that's . a lore-ful question. it's basically disagreements in how things went down in islamic history, idk how much of that is relevant to you so i'll just explain the differences in practices instead. which is also very lorey so likeee, ,, specific questions help. but some major things are that sunnis and shias have different ways to pray, shias believe that umrah (a religious pilgrimage) has an extra step that sunnis don't, there's a specific breed of horse that shias sacred (i'm not sure if that's the right word? they give a lot of respect to it) because that was the horse of hazrat imam hussain (the grandson of the Prophet (SAW)) & they won't ride them and stuff, there's specific hadiths (sayings of the Prophet (SAW)) that sunnis use that shias don't favour using, etc. this is like messy and confusing so like feel free to ask me for clarification i'm just. bad at words.

the second question is hmm. no one can say who's a 'good' or 'bad' muslim because that's strictly up to God, but i mean. it is seen as 'bad' very clearly when someone doesn't follow what's expected (hijab, praying, etc) and they are said to "stray farther" but idk a lot of people don't really take that seriously anymore because people are realizing more that memorizing verses doesn't make you a better muslim. that being said, there are obligations and not following those is bad sawrr

[thequasarwinds]

BTW out of curiosity, what do you think about the whole "Wooly killed Mr. Fox" theory/implication based on the official Amanda the Adventurer song's music video?

(thank you so much for the ask btw! I LOVE getting asks about my fandoms and AUs!!)

I actually really love that theory! As I think it’s even more evidence towards the whole “Wooly being forced into bad stuff by Hameln” thing! But not only that it also could be evidence towards how we personally interpret what those creature things are. I think I’ve seen some people theorize that the fox is supposed to represent Joanne possibly In general I’m a HUGE sucker for the “kind and gentle soul forced into doing something absolutely horrible (bonus points if they’re meek- extra bonus points if they’re a child)” trope

My twin is actually the main Wooly person and is itching to answer any Wooly questions so I’ll give the phone to them

(The following is my twin)

gonna tag myself real quick @seasonalmoss

anyways I like the theory! My thoughts are very disorganized rn so lemme just list some random stuff off, feel free to ask for specification and clarification!

So I personally think that the Mr fox stuff is more symbolic than anything? I don’t really think he himself actually did it? But I’m also not against the idea, and it makes sense. But so far there’s not much in the canon of the games themselves to imply that he did it, at the very least it wasn’t him alone who did it. But for the most part there isn’t enough evidence to suggest that he actually did it, and I like the thought! But I’m holding off on saying anything definite until we get further information. I do think however no matter what it is, it’s symbolism for who Wooly is as a character and how that effects how he is with traumatic events (I can definitely explain this because I’m actually not saying anything negative about him, it’s more sad if anything :( ) and more importantly how his monster works and how it works in tandem with how Amanda’s entity(s) works. (plural since I think there may be something more “possessing” Amanda then just her Monster, at the very least I think that her creature is just a small piece of a larger puzzle if that makes sense, this could also apply to Wooly?? But uh- that’s a whole other thing im not gonna get into it)

2. As my twin already said, even if it’s symbolic or not it’s proof on Wooly being forced to do awful things entirely against his will, and that says a whole lot about him, his relationship with Amanda, and Hameln as a whole.

3. In general the entire thing in my opinion proves many things, shows many things and it’s all entirely too sad :((

4. I would say a lot more but I’m trying really hard not to just go on entire side rant about that scene in the official music video and Wooly as a whole. I’m really bad at…. Not doing that? and trying to simply summarize my thoughts.

(Quasar now- just wanna say I generally agree with her- just assume anything one of us says is something the other thinks as well when it comes to theories)

[deadlysoupy]

Can't Say I Didn't Try

Chapters: 1/? Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Isabela & Rook, Lucanis Dellamorte & Neve Gallus & Rook Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Confessions, Trust Issues, Slavery, Lord of Fortune Rook, Drabble Collection, Trans Male Character

The life of Urchin "Rook". Includes slavery, adoption, the Lords of Fortune shenanigans, opening up to people and finding a new family.

posted on AO3 (requires an account) or under Read More for easy access!

notes: i wanted a drabble collection at first but i think its too much to bother. its 2 am also im going to regret it in the morning for suuuure

feel free to ask questions or clarifications! this might not be in proper order so there's bound to be some confusion. also Urchin is trans, so. keep that in mind

warning: English is still not my first language, so please point out any mistakes, i'd really appreciate it. constructive criticism is welcome!

Her knife clatters onto the ground with a cling. Metal on stone, it bounces two times before landing on its side.

Urchin flinches. Her arms frozen in place, still gripping a shadow of a knife. She dares not move. Her body starts burning, the staring of a sparring dummy singing her skin. The dummy laughs at her poor technique. Isabela said that she had to defend herself, now that she’s a Lord of Fortune, to stop anyone from hurting her again.

And she wants to. Urchin’s hands tremble, tears gathering at the edges of her vision. The world becomes very blurry, bile rising to her throat. Isabela will kick her out into the street now. She’ll be forced to run her whole life, until eventually she’ll be back in that ship, working until her hands turn raw and bloody.

A flinch, a hand on her shoulder. It’s radiating warmth, but Urchin doesn’t believe it. “Oh, no, kitten, it’s okay. It’s your first day, love, I don’t expect you to do it right away.”

Urchin sniffles. Her knees threaten to buckle under her.

She’s going to get hurt again. Lightning will bounce around the room, a cackle of its source. “At least you’ll know what magic feels like,” the cackle said.

“Urchin, look at me, sweetheart,” Isabela’s voice rings louder than her jailer. She tries to feel her body again and look at Isabela. Through her stained eyes, Isabela’s unusual colour palette comes first, and she smells the sea. “Now, lift your pretty little eyes at me, will you? They’re beautiful — I just have to see them.” No one has ever said her eyes were pretty. No one said she was anything at all. Simply a tool to them. Easy to break, and to be replaced if useless.

But Isabela doesn’t see her like that.

Urchin blinks once, twice, letting her tears out of their cages, her nose running like a river. Isabela is smiling. Her smile so tender it makes the girl's tears heavier and uncontainable. Isabela’s eyes are full of care and affection Urchin doesn’t know what to do with. She doesn’t deserve them.

Isabela giggles. “There you are. Aren’t you just the prettiest pearl of the sea?” she gives compliments like it’s nothing to her, like it’s as easy as breathing. She’s lying, then. “Now, come on, baby, what’s wrong? Just because you dropped it now doesn’t mean you’ll drop it next time.”

Urchin hiccups through her answer. She knows she has to give one, even if it brings her pain, because disobedience is unforgivable. She doesn’t want to be in pain anymore, it’s why she picked up the knife in the first place. “B-because I messed up, and it was so-so loud, and I didn’t mean to drop it, I’m sorry mistress, I’m sorry, I’m—”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Urchin, you don’t have to apologize,” Isabela’s hand rises and Urchin prepares for a slap, but a palm cups her cheek, and Isabela’s gentle finger rubs tears off her face. “I’m sorry to put you through this so soon, I know it’s hard. But I know you can do this. We gotta make you stand up for yourself, and show those bastards how it’s done. You’re such a strong kid, you went through so much, and I can show you how to defend yourself against anyone who would want to do that to you again. You understand?”

She thinks she does. She doesn’t want to cower anymore. She needs to stop pain from happening. She doesn’t want to get punished again. Ever.

Urchin nods, and sniffs.

“Good,” Isabela smiles again, and takes her by the shoulders, almost in a hug. “I’ll get you a handkerchief, and we’ll try again. I’ll guide you the whole way. And then we’ll eat something nice. Doesn’t that sound good?”

Urchin nods again. Isabela rubs her shoulders before running into another room, and her body feels so cold without her touch. Urchin brings her arms around herself, like she would do when she went to sleep.

But it’s not as cold as she thought it would be, and the promise of food excites her. Maybe she won’t cry this time. She just has to try. For Isabela.

[daylighted]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ˗ˏˋ RULES .ᐟ.ᐟ ˎˊ˗

new year = finally revamped rules! these were written on january 23, 2025, and are firm & unyielding. in my short three-month period of being here, i have already been through too much in regard to my content and how people feel entitled to take it & claim it as their own, and i no longer contend to stand for it. <3 hope you understand! and if not, this is my space, not yours; your critiques of my boundaries will not suddenly make them to your liking.

i am an adult. this is not a safe space for minors! i obviously am not going to police every person that reads my things or follows me, but i am not responsible for what YOU choose to consume! that's between you & god or something.

don't plagiarize or repost my works as your own. i didn't think this one was needed to be said, but you would be surprised how many people think that taking things word for word will go unnoticed.

ask before using my works as inspiration for your own. anything i say or post on here, or discuss in private, is a concept entirely made up by me, or a general concept that i have created into something of my own. there are things (like angel!reader, for example) that obviously do not need credited to me because i didn't create it, but if your interpretation of the concept is similar to mine, credit me! yours would not exist without mine!

my inbox is always open; requests are not. a lot of my works are story based & long form and take priority! sometimes i open up to requests, but considering how many i have right now, if i ever dive into doing them again, it will be starting with those. you can find the status of if i am taking requests or not in my pinned!

that being said, everything i post here is a concept that i have come up with on my own, as mentioned before. there are concepts that i am NOT willing to let others take. after the recent (and ongoing! lmao!) theft i've experienced, this is not something i will change my mind on. everyone possesses the innate ability to foster your own creativity. do not use or rely on me to fuel yours.

. . . i put a lot of effort and energy into the things i create. this includes the aesthetics of it, the prior plotting and development, and the writing itself. this is why i am not lenient on handing out my ideas like free play cards. as much as i love the idea of being drawing inspiration from what i write, most of what i write is very personal or very connected to me, and i do not want others to do it. that is why i wrote it, after all, because it came from my mind, my thoughts, my ideas. again, there are things i have written that i do not own, and you do not have to ask, obviously, but if it is a reworded copy of something i wrote, that is stealing! i am not one to police what people write, but i am also not one to sit back and watch the hours of hard work i put into the things i create be reduced to nothing more than something people can mindlessly pick at & steal as they choose.

the basic summary is to just ask! i know this might read intensely, but i am not cruel, and i won't bite your head off if you ask. i love that the things i can create can resonate with people as much as they do with me! but i also take a lot of pride in what i write & the concepts i create. because they are concepts made by me; not general ideas that can be taken freely. setting boundaries is hard for me, but these are ones that i am adamant on keeping until i once again feel like my blog is a safe space after events that have happened to me regarding theft & copying and minimizing the issue to it being "just an idea."

thank u for reading & understanding ( i hope ) ♡ my inbox is always open to talking and any clarification if needed.

[sdv-rants]

Leave Shane alone :(

Thinking you should be able to "fix" him misses the entire point of his story. He's still recovering and probably always will be. People with serious mental health issues don't just randomly get better and turn their life around by getting married. Shane can be in love with the farmer and still struggle with his mental illness and relapses as an addict. People who don't struggle with this stuff constantly get mad that he can't just magically be fixed or get better. Have you considered that maybe his story just isn't for you

CW for mentions of mental health struggles and alcohol abuse

tl;dr ,, i dont at all think shane needs to just be magically fixed, i just would love to see more in his post-marriage story showing him sobering up and visibly changing a little in a positive way. i dont want him to immediately change and be “perfect”, nobody is perfect, i just think it would be really cool to visibly see changes in his character after marrying him.

(full rant under the cut)

actually after posting that rant made me think about this a whole lot more, and i dont like how i worded some things and i can totally understand and relate to him most likely always going through recovery, my only problem is i wish there was maybe more actual dialogue and story to build that if that makes sense?? but honestly i could say that about sooo many of the marriage candidates. now, maybe their story feels slightly unfinished so you can sort of fill in the blanks yourself, and i totally can understand that being the case.

i completely see where you’re coming from, and i don’t entirely like how i worded my last rant. i think i only said the things i did because with shanes story it kind of hits a little close to home, having a lot of people close to me who ive watched go through similar situations as this character, and i think i was just projecting a little bit.

as someone who also struggles with mental health and other forms of addiction not in the form of substance abuse, i think i also relate to shane a lot, and seeing him go through the things he does within his story, it sort of reminds me of myself and reminds me of how much i wish i could be “fixed” in a way.

i also dont at all think people who struggle with any sort of addictions or mental health problems should be “fixed” or need to be “fixed”, i was referring to how a lot of people quote “i can fix him” and phrases like that when talking about shane, i definitely shouldve worded everything much better though. i meant that in that position if you’re someone who thinks you can “fix” anyone, yeah, you cant. and people dont need to be fixed. i do think people who struggle with addiction can be given support to recover though, and i guess i just wish that was more prominent in shanes story. i suppose im projecting a bit of my own personal life onto his story, cuz i would love to see portrayed in his story him sobering up and there being more visible changes in his life and his character. obviously i dont think he should just immediately turn into the “perfect” man overnight, nobody is perfect and yes, he will always struggle with certain things, and thats okay. i hope i’ve clarified my viewpoint on his story a little better, but im very bad at putting my exact thoughts into the proper wording, so i do apologize for anything ive said that may be confusing, feel free to ask for clarification and i can try my best to explain. :)

thank you for the input btw anon!! shanes character is one id like to talk about more in a much more positive light too, but when i typed yesterdays rant i had just been thinking about his story a lot and what i personally wished it looked like post marriage, but obviously we all have our own opinions on how each characters story should’ve looked, and thats ok.

i personally kind of think all of the characters story should’ve looked different after marrying them, just because i feel like it feels sort of stagnant once married obviously. but yk this is a small indie game with a solo creator, i cant imagine how difficult it would be to flesh out these characters anymore LMAO, but thats why i like this community so much. i like seeing every individuals perspective on each character and their stories throughout the game.

sorry this rant was so long LMFAO and i also apologize for my first two rants being about shane (and not being in the most positive light). i’ll definitely try and talk about my thoughts on shane and his story more soon though, trying to look at all of the things i love about his story.

ive been typing for way too long so im ending this here LMFAO, please feel free to leave input or any other questions, feedback, etc etc

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for inquiring after a blog that got deleted?

This happened several months ago and my friends have told me that I wasn't in the wrong, but my stupid anxiety keeps bringing it up and saying actually they only told me that because they like me. Maybe the judgement of strangers will finally get my brain to put it to rest. Repliers, please use she/her pronouns only for me, I don't like being called by they/them.

I'm keeping this vague to respect the privacy of the others involved; if you somehow recognize the situation, please do not give further details. Feel free to ask for clarification if something is confusing, but I will not be providing additional information like what fandom it was as I believe that would just risk revealing who was involved, and I can't think of any additional info that would affect someone's judgement of what I did. I would like judgement of what I did without risking violating anyone else involved's privacy. Also, sorry this is so long. It's the ADHD. I hate it too.

I'm relating the dms involved as closely as I can, but they won't be word-for-word.

I follow several roleplay blogs in the same fandom. One day I noticed one that I particularly liked seemed to have been deleted. I wasn't sure if they'd made a goodbye post I didn't see before deleting or something, so I made a post asking if anyone knew if something had happened with their mod, as it seemed to come out of nowhere to me. No one ever interacted with this post, but I have no way of knowing if people saw it.

I messaged a blog that I had seen interact with them a lot asking something like "hey, do you know if something happened with [blog]'s mod? I noticed they had deleted and was wondering if something happened." They replied with the single word "no" and I thanked them and apologized for bothering them. This one word was the only thing they ever said to me. I took this to mean that they didn't know if anything had happened, but didn't try to investigate further. I was vaguely concerned that they seemed to have suddenly disappeared without anyone knowing, but it wasn't my place to try and dig things up.

A couple days later I was scrolling back through a different blog and I noticed an old post they'd reblogged from the person who deleted's sideblog, and the sideblog had also been deleted. I sent a dm asking something like "Hey, I noticed [blog] and [sideblog] were both deleted, and was wondering if you knew if the mod was alright" and received a response just saying that no one wanted to make what happened public, least of all the mod. I thanked them for responding, apologized for prying, and said I hoped things were alright, then deleted my post asking if anyone knew what had happened, so that people couldn't stumble on it, get curious, and try and pry themselves.

Very shortly after, I received an anonymous ask scolding me for prying into the mod's business when they wanted things kept quiet and continuing after being told no. I posted the anon and explained that I hadn't meant to pry - just was wondering if things were okay - and that I must have misinterpreted that first "no", apologized if I'd made anyone uncomfortable, and made it clear I would absolutely not ask further. That was the end of it, at least as far as I know.

I think I might be the asshole because: I didn't know the mod, we'd never talked beyond their answering some of my asks, but I asked people about them anyways. I was genuinely wondering if they were okay and was careful not to ask what happened, but I know I can have trouble finding the line between normal and nosy, and maybe messaging two people was too far, even if the first person seemed to not know anything.

I think I might not be the asshole because: I wasn't asking for details on what happened, I was just wondering if they were okay or if I'd missed a goodbye post, and backed off immediately after being told it was private. I don't think it's really my fault that I misinterpreted the first person saying "no" to me asking if they knew if something had happened, since I thought they were literally answering my question.

Again, please do not try to figure out who was involved in this if you think you recognize it; I just want my brain to stop turning this damn situation over and over and maybe having strangers judge it will do that.

So. AITA for asking after someone who deleted their roleplay blog?

What are these acronyms?

[transfemdentruther]

And for my first trick: let's live up to the username lol

I need to rewatch Sunny in depth to really make a crazy post, but for now we get half-remembered gibberish from yours truly ;D

First off the top is Mac's Banging the Waitress. What do you mean his jeans are tight as shit because he wants to accentuate his "female form"? Why is that something he was thinking about? Why specifically does he want to achieve a more feminine form? I will never not think about that line, what the hell. Insane

This one's just kinda silly, but it's on my mind 'cause I've been lurking through a couple Sunny fan accounts looking specifically for trans Den takes lmao. The escape room episode where Dennis says something about cows grazing relating to them and Mac's like "Aren't all cows female?" and Dennis stutters and says that it's a metaphor. I think the poster said in the tags "LMAO HE CAUGHT HER" and it's my favourite lol

I think it was from the self help book or whatever, but when he's going on about Coco Chanel and how "boys can't be fabulous too just because of this sad piece of flesh hanging between my legs?" It's not inherently the fact he wants to be fabulous, it's that the way he describes it as a sad piece of flesh that just hangs there. I don't really know cis men's thoughts on their dicks, but I'm sure they don't view it that negatively... It's just interesting phrasing

The whole makeup thing. Is it gay for men to wear makeup? No. Does it make them trans? No. But Dennis? That's a whole other story that the words are very fleeting for, so we're just gonna leave at that for now sorry lol

In the bowling episode when he's being a bitch to Dee and he's saying something like "Women are devious, destructive, and default to turning on each other" as if that's not what he does lol

This is a whole other post, but I think gender envy is a part of sleeping with women, aside from the trauma of course. I personally don't think he's actually attracted to women even though he's constantly going on about big tits and all that. I don't have a big vocabulary right now as my brain almost never works and it is 2am, but in The Gang Gets Analyzed when he draws the therapist, I just think it's funny that he specifically drew himself behind her holding her massive tits. Like it's not actually anything obviously, but it something I will point at Pepe Silvia style lmao

The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo. Need I say more? Kidding, I can't not yap about it lol. "I need a model with the perfect female body hmmm" -employs himself with YOU GUESSED IT giant tits- Certainly... interesting. Also this bitch has at Least three different shades of red lipstick and I know he's not stealing them from Dee because I think she's only ever worn one, maybe two, kinds of red lipstick and that's only very occasionally. So. There's that

All the comments about him and drag and then that one thing Mac said about him being into all that "glam rock femme shit" I Just Think It's Interesting

Okay, that's all for now. I don't wanna proofread any of this, so feel free to ask for clarification or if you just wanna come yell at me lol

[4dkellysworld]

Hi Kelly!! :)

My question is about ego fears and to what extent we should ‘deal’ with them/how much attention we should give them. My character is moving into a new place in a months time, and I’m expected to pay my first instalment of rent by the end of August. This has all come about quite suddenly, and the cost is way more than I can currently afford. The worry of a looming deadline, and needing to conjure up money that ‘I’ physically don’t have right now, has been scary. I’ve studied your Releasing tag, and I’ve read everything from Ada, as well as lots from Sophie and Lain (her thread helping out the anon with difficult circumstances has been particularly helpful, and it was lovely to read of that anon’s success). In a practical sense, I am looking into ways I can afford to pay this rent on time, or considering possibly contacting the landlord and asking to be given more time to pay it. Besides that, I’ve been working through feeling/accepting this ego fear without fighting it… Surrendering to it, recognising that ‘I’ cannot do anything about these circumstances beyond a certain point besides simply let them be and trust in Self to guide me through. I have read chunks of the Sedona method, and I have been applying the method of first, feeling the fear/emotion, and then, asking myself "could I let this go? would I let this go? when?"

It has definitely been helpful, and I am able to calm myself down in moments of panic and remind myself that these fears are of the ego and not me, but I can feel there is still anxiety that lingers, particularly with the more time that passes and the sooner the deadline approaches without any financial improvement. I wondered if the goal, with releasing, is to wipe out fear entirely? In that case, am I to continue applying until I can think of the situation and be totally neutral? The lingering fear feels almost inevitable, though I suppose that’s because I’m still identifying somewhat with ego. It almost feels like the more I try to let go of this fear, I veer into trying to ‘get rid’ of it, which only reinforces its very existence. I suppose I feel that what would be better would be to give up entirely on trying to let go of it, and instead totally welcome it and allow it to stay. Of course that doesn’t mean clinging to/dwelling in it, but also not necessarily trying so hard to release it either? It’s as if I’ve given this fear a story — I feel the fear of financial insecurity, I associate it with being the character/ego that I do not want who has financial insecurity, and I therefore ‘do methods’ to move away from the fear in order to make it not so in the physical realm — and this only seems to have kept the fear around/grown it.

This is probably what was meant all along, when Ada said to "leave poor Vanessa alone, with her desires and fears, disbelieve you are her until reality becomes self-obvious". But I would just love to hear your input/any clarification/if you have any of your own experiences to share when it comes to finding a balance between actively digging up the unconscious and letting parts of ego go versus just accepting and allowing parts of the ego to be (so that it ends up falling away on its own anyway).

I’m sorry for the long message! Thank you so much for everything you do, you’re an angel 🩷

Hi! Lots to address here, I'll go through them one by one. I won't tell you what you should do (because there are no shoulds and it's ultimately a choice, your choice) but I'll speak of my own perspective and experiences and you can take what resonates/will help you.

My question is about ego fears and to what extent we should ‘deal’ with them/how much attention we should give them.

One of my "goals" is to be free of all fear, because fear only imprisons you and locks/limits you into a certain way of living/being when it's false to begin with. How I 'deal' with it (whether that be straight up ignoring/dismissing it, bringing up the unconscious thoughts to release them, rationalizing it or something else) really depends on a case by case basis which is why I always focus on what feels right and appropriate in the moment because doing something I feel I 'should' do instead of what feels right ends up not being the answer and doesn't work.

I wondered if the goal, with releasing, is to wipe out fear entirely? In that case, am I to continue applying until I can think of the situation and be totally neutral?

Yes it is. And yes that's what I do when I choose to release.

I suppose I feel that what would be better would be to give up entirely on trying to let go of it, and instead totally welcome it and allow it to stay. Of course that doesn’t mean clinging to/dwelling in it, but also not necessarily trying so hard to release it either?

Then there you go, that's what resonates for you so trust it, give it a go and see what happens. It doesn't mean the other approaches are useless or don't work for fears in general for you but for this particular fear of yours, this may very well be the best approach to take. I've done something similar for some fears. Instead of releasing or ignoring or rationalizing it, I just choose to accept it, love it and thank it because it is just ego wanting to protect itself. Because emotions don't exist in a vacuum, they're messengers and give us clues as to what underlying thoughts & beliefs we hold (side note: watch the Inside Out movies! They are so precious). Fear exists because it wants to protect us from something that the mind has deemed a danger (as obvious as that sounds lol). I noticed you have been mentioning fear itself a lot but have you looked into the underlying thoughts/beliefs that drive that fear and released on that level? And then see yourself having all that you believe you lack over and over until you feel completely free? Basically the steps in the second part of this ask. When I'm doing these steps, I'm not trying to fight or get rid of it, that's not the mentality I have. I just recognize it is a false belief that isn't part of the true me and it's a letting go feeling which is a different state to feeling you need to fix or get rid of something. If that doesn't work for you, then maybe you can just take time out to sit in silence and stillness then imagine sitting in an empty room with this fear and just being okay with that.

This is probably what was meant all along, when Ada said to "leave poor Vanessa alone, with her desires and fears, disbelieve you are her until reality becomes self-obvious".

Yes but again, what she says here is just one way and not the only way (there is no one way. There are so many paths Home. Did you know that there are people who practice ceremonial magick as a way to enlightenment? Heck even lucid dreaming and astral projection can be ways. Does that mean everyone needs to start practicing these? No lol. You do what feels right for you and that can change over time). She also says to unclutter your mind, to set yourself right emotionally and mentally, and to ask yourself questions and do what feels right for you. So take what resonates, I can't emphasize this enough. Trust in yourself more and follow what feels right. Be more flexible because being rigid and thinking you can only do certain things (including being limited purely to what you read on our blogs or whatever a spiritual guru says) is only another form of limitation and bondage. There hasn't been a single teaching or practice I can think of that I have applied solely in every moment of every day since I started (not that I didn't try at first but then I'd let go and try something else when I realized it wasn't doing anything for me. Then I realized that different approaches work for different situations and I need to be flexible). I've even made up my own practices based on what feels right in the moment (like just meditating in the feeling of the essences I enjoy such as love, abundance, freedom, peace etc). Plus the 'disbelieve you are her' part is where it can take some time (on the physical level) and accepting that and being patient with myself was way more helpful to me in leading me to actually disbelieving I'm her as opposed to trying to adopt that disbelief straight out before dropping chunks of ego and coming to my own realizations that I am not her.

But I would just love to hear your input/any clarification/if you have any of your own experiences to share when it comes to finding a balance between actively digging up the unconscious and letting parts of ego go versus just accepting and allowing parts of the ego to be (so that it ends up falling away on its own anyway).

Okay there was a time last year where I was very actively digging into my unconscious to release things, my goal was to do a whole life review like Lester did and go through my entire life and release everything lol. I mean, it's an amazing idea and I wished I could do it but it also felt like trying to draw blood from stone. I did chunks of some major releases (maybe a few months worth of this ego's recent life) but it was pretty draining and at the rate I was going, there was no way I would be able to do my entire life in just 3 months (maybe a few years...) like Lester despite being younger than him.. And here Lester kept saying you only need 3 months to go free lol. This was really frustrating and confusing and I would think, Lester must not have experienced a lot of trauma in his life.. I read his story of how he realized himself and the thing he mentioned that was hardest for him to let go was a lost love from like 20 years ago or something but things that are highly highly traumatic can take a lot more time to truly neutralize and release. I realized my life looks way differently to him, what he did was for his life and his methods helped me but his overall "way" wasn't working for me. I also didn't want to feel like I was constantly striving to 'clean the mind' because it felt like another form of imprisonment and I wasn't fully living in the now when I was constantly bogged down by the past (which still felt real to me then and I wanted it to stop feeling so real).

Not saying the chunks of releases I did were not helpful, heck yes they were and I'm glad I did them. It's also helped me reach a state where I am now a lot more peaceful and still within and recognize whatever "past" I have isn't real or true, whatever comes up can be more easily let go of because it isn't valuable to me anymore. You know what else purifies the mind? Meditation. And not as a form of 'doing' but as a way of being. There was one time I was so overwhelmed and exhausted I just gave up. I lay on the floor and just decided it was all over and there's nothing to do. I just looked at the ceiling and stopped doing anything. I wasn't anything anymore. I spent a few days like this and after that, there was a point where I realized/noticed that something within me had changed and I couldn't really pinpoint it but things just suddenly didn't bother me anymore, fears that used to exist just suddenly didn't (maybe you can try this as well if it resonates, just give up and be). I realized that meditation (not just sitting meditation but as a constant beingness) can be a way of mind purification too when you just stop being an ego and let Self take care of things. Here's something Robert Adams said that I read later on and realized it was exactly what I did:

Student: Giving up isn't sufficient. I realize that, I listen to that whatever, whether it's the strength or the insight, there's still fighting, there's a partial giving up and still there's a tremendous suffering. Robert: Then simply quiet your mind, sit still and do nothing. Everything will happen by itself. Like you're doing now, become still. Do not try to do anything to yourself. If thoughts come just watch them and everything will take care of itself. That's when you abide in the Self, when you do nothing and everything stops, all action stops and no matter how things come to you, you don't care, you just don't react. Even death, makes no difference. Student: Would you say that there is something more important than all of the sadhanas? Robert: No you can't say that because that's the ego again, but when you just sit and all fear leaves you, something else will take its place and that will be bliss and happiness. When you stop fearing. So just sit and let all the fears come. Smile and sit still. Student: You mean just look at them and detachedly? Robert: Just watch them. Let them come, let them do their worst, let them drive you crazy and you don't care, let them. But you try to stop, now, let them. Just whistle, sing a song, do nothing and watch what happens. Student: So you're talking basically about self-observation, Robert? Robert: Not even self-observation because you've got to think about that, to do self-observation. You're actually just doing just absolute zero. You've turned yourself off and you have the attitude, even if I die right now, so what, doesn't matter. Even if my worst fear manifests, good, let it. (laughter) Student: It seems difficult. Robert: No not really, it seems difficult but it's easy if you do it, try it. Get by yourself and just sit down, put your hands together and do absolutely nothing. Don't tell yourself you're watching or you're practicing anything at all. Give all practices up, give it all up. Student: So even questioning, "Who am I?" is still ego? Robert: Yes, definitely, give everything up and let the worst come.

The other ways are all the ego using mind to undo itself but you can also let Self do it if you just get ego out of the way. There comes a point where you have to just yield and let Self take care of it, you'll know when it is (also it's ultimately the best overall method imo cos we're all lazy, right? The less effort the better haha. Free mind purification for zero effort yay! Thanks Self -- Although it takes effort to still and cleanse the mind to a point where meditation becomes enjoyable and effortless as opposed to feeling bored and wanting mental stimulation). Now I can enjoy meditation, not with any expectations but simply just being feels the best. And sometimes it's a rhythmic dance of switching between the two. But now I only release things that naturally come up in daily life as opposed to digging into the past to look for limiting thoughts to drop.

Just be flexible and follow what feels right and you'll eventually understand what that balance is for you. I hope this helps you!