#alphard black/tom riddle

[iamnmbr3]

Snape: The Dark Lord has a message for you. He says could you please stop thinking about Draco Malfoy so loudly. It's distracting him from his evil plans.

Harry: First of all, that's an exaggeration.

Ron & Hermione: It's really, really not.

Harry: Second of all, I don't complain to him about the 1001 facts and intimate details about Alphard Black that I've been treated to.

Sirius: O_O The what?

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I know that it's often driven by his jealousy or very suspicious circumstances, but it's so funny to me that across the stories Alphard is so quick(?) to be like "those two are fucking, aren't they?" E.g. Tom/Bellatrix, Tom/Death Eaters, Tom/whoever was on the Knight Bus, Tom/Minerva, and Albus/Minerva

Perhaps his obsessive reading of the trashy romance novels is affecting him

It's deeply funny to me and @therealvinelle as well.

Though it's less the trashy novels and more of a deep insecurity over his relationship that Tom has not helped in any way shape or form and indeed has deliberately made less certain for his own purposes.

Though I tend to give him some slack in that a lot of these things do look really really bad. Leaving because "Bella is calling" at three a.m., after years of hearing Bellatrix talk about the Dark Lord and clearly wanting to sleep with the man, and realizing all these other Death Eaters are the exact same...

I can't blame the guy for wondering.

[strangeharbor]

rare meme breaching discord containment for @therealvinelle

(marvolard sounds like something you have on the edge of your dinner plate and refuse to eat)

[therealvinelle]

Horrible options only.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

guys walburga is older than tom i can imagine the rise of voldemort and walburga's like ? wha? who? ohhh that weird kid? he had like no friends lmao ,,, fucking half breed ,,, he tried to stick w us and we shoved him in a closet & charmed him quiet for like 3 hours when he was like 12 . @ alphard didnt u have the hots for him . what ? join him ? WORK FOR HIM ? 💀💀 that's funny . but maybe i can go have tea w him and remind him how he had a crush on druella . idk why . i was hotter

[soup-of-the-daisies]

time travelling harry being slightly fond of orion black because he looks and sounds so much like sirius, but soon realising he’s actually unbearingly and unbelievably fond of orion himself… orion being baffled, suspicious and quite flattered that someone likes him for him, not just for his last name or status as heir, and promptly deciding he’d die for harry… tom seething with jealousy watching them hang out and being generally attached the hip, knowing he can’t kill orion because 1) harry would NEVER forgive him or talk to him again, and 2) it’d be a shame to alienate the ancient and most noble house of black by getting rid of their heir

[hollowed-theory-hall]

hello! i was wondering whether or not you can envision someone as better suited for tom/voldemort since i remember you saying neither harry nor hermione would be a match — them being the most popular two characters shipped with tom. and on that note, what do you think about bellatrix and voldemort? pro/against?

i tend to get a bit blindsided by the sheer obsession she has for him, honestly. i mean… i feel like she would be willing to shape herself down to the last atom to what appeals to him, if he ever were to show any true interest, and that’s very… sad.

Hello 👋

Thank you for the ask and as with all ship asks, ship what you ship, these are just my subjective opinions.

Now, what I said about Tomarrymort is that I don't think they would realistically get together and have a functioning relationship, I didn't say it wasn't fun. Like, I love Tomarrymort, but only if the relationship is a messy push and pull that makes everyone (both involved and uninvolved) miserable.

Now, as for Bellamort...

Do I think they had sex at some point in canon? Maybe. Like, that's not the most absurd thing about CC for me, so I consider it plausible.

Do I think Voldemort actually likes Bella romantically? Not really.

Do I think their relationship works like an actual equal functional relationship? Not one bit.

Do I think their relationship is entertaining and interesting? I mean, clearly, many people do, but I don't like Bellamort.

Like, it really doesn't interest me. There's a reason I only like Tomarrymort when there's a push and pull and Harry and Tom are portrayed as the equals they are. Like, I don't like Tomarrymort where Harry is completely submissive to Voldemort and Bellamort for the same reason — these aren't the kind of relationships that make Tom interesting.

I like both Tom and Bellatrix a lot as individuals, but I don't think a romantic and/or sexual relationship between them pushes their characters to interesting places. They are both stagnate in this relationship and, for me personally, that just doesn't interest me.

Like, Bellatrix is completely submissive to Voldemort nodding her head excitedly and panting after him: "Yes my lord! Whatever you say, my lord!" And this is not the type of dynamic that'd push either character towards growth. They don't push each other into a character arc, which is what I usually like my ships to do.

Additionally, this dynamic basically means Voldemort always gets what he wants, and Bellatrix is happy with it, as you said, she'd shape herself for his every whim. This isn't a relationship between equals. It's a relationship where she worships him and he doesn't respect her or care about her as a person. Like, at all.

The dynamic we see from them in the books gave me the impression Voldemort cares about Bellatrix. He doesn't want her to be hurt or to die:

Bellatrix’s gloating smile froze, her eyes began to bulge: For the tiniest space of time she knew what had happened, and then she toppled, and the watching crowd roared, and Voldemort screamed.

(DH)

But he cares about her like how you care about your favorite pet. He relished in giving her orders and having her submit completely:

“Master, I am sorry, I knew not, I was fighting the Animagus Black!” sobbed Bellatrix, flinging herself down at Voldemort’s feet as he paced slowly nearer. “Master, you should know —” “Be quiet, Bella,” said Voldemort dangerously. “I shall deal with you in a moment. Do you think I have entered the Ministry of Magic to hear your sniveling apologies?” “But Master — he is here — he is below —” Voldemort paid no attention.

(OotP)

He doesn't actually care about her being hurt if it's not too bad, he doesn't care about her feelings or apologies, especially not when Harry is right in front of him — his obsession, his one failure. Bellatrix takes a backseat, basically always. He doesn't care about her all that much. He cares and respects her like a loyal dog, not like a person he has a relationship with.

He also relished in humiliating and embarrassing her. He likes making fun of her in ways Bella clearly does not enjoy, which isn't something you'd do to someone you love:

“I’m talking about your niece, Bellatrix. And your, Lucius and Narcissa. She has just married the werewolf, Remus Lupin. You must be so proud.” There was an eruption of jeering laughter from around the table. Many leaned forward to exchange gleeful looks, a few thumped the table with their fists. The great snake, disliking the disturbance, opened its mouth and hissed angrily, but the Death Eaters did not hear it, so jubilant where that at Bellatrix and the Malfoys’ humiliation. Bellatrix’s face, so recently flushed with happiness, had turned an ugly, blotchy red.

(DH)

she's desperate to please him, to tell him everything she thinks he wants to hear and she happily lets him treat her like fucking dirt. I don't find a relationship like that compelling, as I said, Voldemort would never change for Bellatrix and Bellatrix honestly deserves better than this. He even lets other Death Eaters jeer and laugh at her, this is not a romantic relationship.

Like even if he had sex with her, it was purely physical as he just doesn't care about her as a person like this. As more than a faithful servant (which he enjoys making fun of, as he does so for many of them).

And he is unwilling to show her real, unintentional weakness or ask her for help:

“My Lord, let me—” “I do not require assistance,” said Voldemort coldly, and though he could not see it, Harry pictured Bellatrix withdrawing a helpful hand.

(DH)

He does trust her with one of his Horcrux as the cup is kept in her vault and she seems to know what it is:

“Be quiet! The situation is graver than you can possibly imagine, Cissy! We have a very serious problem!” She stood, panting slightly, looking down at the sword, examining its hilt. Then she turned to look at the silent prisoners. “If it is indeed Potter, he must not be harmed,” she muttered, more to herself than to the others. “The Dark Lord wishes to dispose of Potter himself. . . . But if he finds out . . . I must . . . I must know. . . .”

(DH)

He trusts her loyalty, and she is one of his preferred Death Eaters (he doesn't hate her like he does Wormtail, Tom appreciates courage and loyalty, which are both traits Bellatrix possesses) but he clearly doesn't trust her with his backstory in the first war:

“Shut your mouth!” Bellatrix shrieked. “You dare speak his name with your unworthy lips, you dare besmirch it with your half-blood’s tongue, you dare —” “Did you know he’s a half-blood too?” said Harry recklessly. Hermione gave a little moan in his ear. “Voldemort? Yeah, his mother was a witch but his dad was a Muggle — or has he been telling you lot he’s pureblood?” “STUPEF —” “NO!” A jet of red light had shot from the end of Bellatrix Lestrange’s wand, but Malfoy had deflected it. His spell caused hers to hit the shelf a foot to the left of Harry and several of the glass orbs there shattered. [...] “He dared — he dares —” shrieked Bellatrix incoherently. “— He stands there — filthy half-blood —”

(OotP)

She doesn't really know who Voldemort is. She worships the persona of Voldemort. She loves his lies and masks. She doesn't actually know Tom Riddle. And I don't think she could accept and love the real Tom Riddle behind the title of Voldemort — the poor but brilliant nerdy half-blood who craves recognition. She would find him pathetic.

It's basically Hinny, isn't it?

She adores his persona and fame and what people think he is without actually knowing or understanding him. She changes her personality to fit what she thinks his girl needs to be because she is so focused on being with him. And He likes that she doesn't get in his way and lets him do and say whatever without crying about it but doesn't care about her or her feelings nearly as much as people think.

Bellamort is just Hinny with a different skin, and I never liked Hinny.

Like Hinny, they don't know or understand each other, and it's clear Bella and Ginny care about Voldemort and Harry more than the boys care about them. Like, yes, Harry would be devastated if Ginny died, but he'd get over it way faster than he did about Sirius. Same for Voldemort, he cares about Bella, but not as an equal he understands and cares for the feelings of. Voldemort got over Bella's death fairly quickly as well, he's way more focused on Harry.

So, with all of this, who do I think is the best pairing for Voldemort?

If we're talking about canon characters who are actually characters in the books? Then Harry is my top choice. Harry is the only one Voldemort would see as an equal and can actually push and change Voldemort as much as Voldemort changes him. There is no other character in canon, I believe, who would be able to do this to the level Harry could. Their dynamic is just so mutually obsessive and tense that a relationship like that can't not change both of them in a myriad of interesting ways.

Though, I was thinking about it, and Severus/Voldemort have potential. Voldemort clearly respects Sev and his opinions more than the average Death Eater:

Snape did not speak. “Perhaps you already know it? You are a clever man, after all, Severus. You have been a good and faithful servant, and I regret what must happen.” “My Lord—”

(DH)

He cares about him and regrets having to kill him:

Harry saw Snape’s face losing the little color it had left; it whitened as his black eyes widened, as the snake’s fangs pierced his neck, as he failed to push the enchanted cage off himself, as his knees gave way and he fell to the floor. “I regret it,” said Voldemort coldly

(DH)

Voldy is willing to forgive Sev for things he'd kill most for. They have so much shared experience (poor, muggle childhood in incredibly abusive environments) that would allow them to understand each other. They probably both get frustrated over pureblood idiocy. Both are intelligent and share many interests, like they're both magic nerds who'd talk all night about magical theory...

So, I think, under the right circumstances, Severus is a pretty good pairing for Voldemort.

The only real downside is that depending on when they get together, they'd push each other to be more extremist and overall worse. Like, they'd push each other to have less empathy for other people if they get together, say, during the first war. Well, it might not be a downside. It really depends on how you look at it.

If they get together in the second war, it's different, and in my opinion, more compelling and interesting for both of them. Like, pairing them up after Voldemort's return and after Sev already turned traitor opens so many interesting avenues. I mean, Sev was someone Voldemort actually regretted killing, that was remorse there, wasn't it? It means Severus could push Voldemort to change in a way Bellatrix doesn't. Because Voldemort respects Snape in a way he doesn't respect Bella. I mean, think about how many times Voldemort shut Bella down when she kept insisting Snape is a traitor — it's clear he values Snape more than he values her.

If we're also looking at side characters we don't know as much about, then we have some more options.

@iamnmbr3 has convinced me that Alphard Black/Tom Riddle is an option, and I have been very compelled by it. We don't know much about Alphard, but that never really stopped me because what we do know is interesting.

We know he is Sirius' uncle. He was born after Walburga but before Cygnus, probably closer in age to Walburga. So, I headcanon he was born in 1927 and was in the same year as Tom Riddle.

We know Alphard was a Slytherin since Sirius mentions all his family was in Slytherin, which would include his uncle. And we know Alphard was burned off the family tapestry when he gave Sirius money when Sirius ran away from home.

This leaves us with a character, who's cunning, capable of listening to his older sister Walburga go off about whatever without making the fight worse but has a spine to stand up to her bullshit when it's actually important. This gives him the right characteristics to be able to wrangle a character arc out of a romance with a younger Tom Riddle (and perhaps the older one, too).

He's a pureblood who's open-minded enough to support Sirius and not hate muggleborns (probably). He likely has the subtlety necessary to fix Tom without Tom feeling like he's being fixed. Alphard, used to his very eventful family, is an expert in dealing with dramatic people (like his siblings) and how to undercut their drama instead of pushing them further into their position (which is what Harry would do, for example. Harry and Tom would keep pushing at each other while someone like Alphard would be able to just remove the heat from the argument and allow it to not get as extreme).

Again, it's not much to go on, but it has so much potential.

(Also, @iamnmbr3 has this post about how Voldemort’s violence became worse in 1979, which happens to be the same year Alphard Black died, and while I don't agree with all the points made there, I find it to be a super fun concept)

Voldemort/Lily also has potential. She's smart, stubborn, academically inclined, and has the right rough edges to have the kind of push-and-pull dynamic with Voldemort that I like with Tomarrymort. Lily is probably the kind of witch Voldemort could grow to respect as well. I don't think he would've agreed to spare her for Snape if he didn't respect both of them. JKR also said he tried to recruit James and Lily, so, he was aware that she was talented.

I think, though, Lily/Voldemort would be slightly better than Harry/Voldemort in some aspects. Lily isn't as hot-headed as Harry. Lily's anger is usually much colder, which I feel would work better with Tom just because she wouldn't push all his buttons (just most of them). She would still push him into a character arc, but it would be a gentler nudge than if Harry did it.

My only real rule when shipping Tommy Boy is that he can't be shipped with someone mediocre, he'll just steamroll over them completely, and that's not as fun, in my opinion. He needs a partner he can grow to respect and see as an equal (or close to it) and that has the spine to stand up to him, otherwise, he'd just keep getting what he wants, and I think that's the opposite of what Voldemort needs in a relationship.

[overlord-of-fantasy]

Overheard in the Hogwarts library

Abraxas, happily shaking a bag of money: Nothing in life is free. Hagrid: Love is free. Minerva: Knowledge is free. Myrtle: Friendship is free. Alphard: Self-respect is free. Tom, playing with "his" harmonica: Everything's free if you don't pay for it. Everyone: ... Minerva: Tom, that's illegal- Lestrange: No, let him finish!

[konstantynowitz]

Riddle era headcanons

Walburga, like her son Sirius, was very rebellious in her youth. Wally’s parents had difficulty suppressing her recalcitrant tendencies and it only got worse once she got to Hogwarts. 100% bullied Muggleborns, probably even tried to hex Tom maybe once or twice before he earned his reputation.

Orion Black and Abraxas Malfoy were the first of Tom Riddle’s peers that he befriended during his first year at Hogwarts. In spite of this, Malfoy was the only one out of the two who joined the Knights of Walpurgis.

There is no doubt in my mind that would lead me to believe that Orion was not a pure-blood supremacist, but I don’t think he was much of an extremist when it came to blood purity. It definitely comes down to how far you are willing to go in order to preserve your own ideals and for Orion that only went as far as to marry your own cousin.

Alphard Black was a metamorphmagus like his grandniece Nymphadora Tonks. Being a metamorphmagi was not widely accepted back in the ‘30s and ‘40s, especially for witches and wizards born into influential pure-blood families so I don’t think Alphard’s parents approved of his abilities and probably implored him not to use them in public.

Cygnus and Druella were a love match which was a rare occurrence for pure-blood marriages at the time.

Tom Riddle’s classmate Rosier Sr. was the father of Evan and Felix Rosier. Rosier Sr. is also the brother of Druella Rosier, which therefore makes him the uncle of her three daughters Bellatrix, Andromeda and Narcissa.

Druella inherited the lighter Rosier traits such as blond hair and blue eyes from her father, while her brother Rosier Sr. got the gene for more darker features from his family like his aunt Vinda Rosier.

Birth order of the Black siblings: Walburga (b. 1925), Alphard (b. 1927) and Cygnus (b. 1929). Canonically, Cygnus was born somewhere around 1938 which would’ve made him thirteen by the time Bellatrix (b. 1951) was born. Most fans have considered this a mathematical error made by J.K. Rowling and so I’m going to put his date of birth around the late 1920s.

Lucretia Black was not a pure-blood supremacist like her family, making her much like her cousin Alphard in that regard. She would later become an ally to the Order of the Phoenix when Voldemort rose into power.

Rodolphus Lestrange is said to have the gift of foresight, which I headcanon he gets from his father Lestrange Sr. Ironically, the raven is the family emblem of the Lestrange family, and in Greek mythology, a raven is the sacred bird of Apollo, God of foresight.

Lestrange Sr. married Tasoula Shafiq, a pure-blood witch from the Shafiq family who are listed in the Sacred Twenty-Eight. The Shafiq family are of Middle Eastern origin which is where I assume Rabastan Lestrange got his name from; the name Rabastan is Arabic for ‘Head of the Serpent’.

Euphemia Potter and Walburga Black were actually very close friends during their time at Hogwarts. The two grew apart especially once they graduated and Euphemia went on to marry Fleamont. Walburga didn’t approve of the match, because even if the Potters were a respectable pure-blood family they were not supremacists.

Orion and Walburga saw their marriage as more of an obligation than a partnership. It was a practical match which neither Orion or Wally were hesitant to accept. The two of them believed that it was their duty to keep their bloodline pure and if that meant marrying each other then so be it.

Due to the House of Black’s constant inbreeding, Orion was born with hemophilia.

[virgil-anon]

WIP Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @sri-verse

I'm tagging: @catjar91 and @wretchedanddivinee

This is a snippet of the first part of chapter 10 of a touch of fate (I'm currently editing this chapter)

Cedric found himself falling into an easy routine here, so easy in fact, that he barely noticed when a month had gone by. Time was racing by, which was ironic, because time wasn’t something they had a lot of, not if they wanted to complete their mission.  He knew this wasn’t his original time, his original life, but he was comfortable here. He would always miss his father and his friends, but he found comfort and companionship with his family in this time, and with Harry. The friends he was making here were both similar and different from his friends back home. His House was so familiar that it felt like coming home.  Dividing his time between Harry, his friends, quidditch, and classes, he was fairly busy. Not too busy, however, to notice that a certain Black was watching him. It started last night during Astronomy. Cedric had noticed Alphard in the class before (since so many students dropped it after fifth year, their classes were combined), usually sitting close to the other Slytherins, but he hadn’t thought much of it. After all, he’d resolutely ignored him after Cedric offended him during quidditch tryouts.  But last night he’d been staring at Cedric more often than the stars. Cedric couldn’t say he knew the oldest Black boy, but he seemed to love Astronomy (as did the rest of his family). He didn’t think he was more interesting than celestial bodies, but he assumed this was something he was put up to. Harry told him Alphard had been following and watching him all of the sudden, and they both knew who was the mastermind behind that.  That was just as well, since he’d been looking for an excuse to talk to him again, anyway.  The library was mostly empty during Cedric’s free period on Thursday. He chose a table in the middle of the room, so when Alphard walked into the library he could see him immediately, and vice versa.  He wasted some time in the nearby stacks, but Cedric knew he was watching him. Although, he didn’t draw attention to him, but instead kept working on his potions essay. Slughorn was a much nicer person than Snape, but he still graded with the same level of harshness and high expectations.  Cedric was so engrossed in his work that he hadn’t noticed when Alphard finally joined him, pulling out the chair across from him. He glanced up and smiled. “Hey, Alphard.”  “Diggory,” he replied, voice stiff and terse.  Oh no, that wouldn’t do at all. He leaned forward, folding his arms over his book. “I have a first name, you know, that I’d rather you use.”  “That’s rather informal,” Alphard replied. “We barely know each other.” Cedric shrugged. “I’m not forcing you to speak with me. Why sit with me if you wish to remain so formal?” He asked, voice laced with faint amusement.  Alphard bristled. “Don’t flatter yourself on my behalf. What if I’m not here for you?”  Cedric couldn’t help but chuckle. He reminded him a bit of Cho, with their similar raven hair (albeit Alphard had pretty curls as opposed to Cho’s straight hair), fair skin, and their studious yet shy nature. He glanced down—yes, down, since Alphard was also short, around Cho’s height, the top of his head reaching his chin—and grinned.

[albi-bumblebee]

HP rarepairs ship battle

Submitted Propaganda

Dobby/Winky

I think they're sweet and I never see anything about them (dobby so fell first)

[iamnmbr3]

So it seems like in the period before his fall in 1981 Voldemort had begun a period of rapid escalation in the intensity/violence of his activities.

In book 5 Moody shows Harry a picture of the original Order. Most of the people in that picture ended up dead. Since Lily and James are in the picture (and are both Order members and not in hiding or still in school) we know the picture was taken no later than 1980 and no earlier than 1978. Thus, all the people in the picture who ended up dead (Benjy Fenwick, Caradoc Dearborn, Dorcas Meadows, Gideon and Fabian Prewett, Edgar Bones and his family, Marlene McKinnon etc.) died in a relatively short period of time. (In fact we know from Lily's letter in book 7 that the McKinnons died only shortly before Lily & James were killed).

Furthermore, we know from Sirius that when Regulus joined the Death Eaters, Walburga and Orion were both very happy because at the time they supported Voldemort. However, Sirius says they later got cold feet when they saw "what Voldemort was prepared to do to get power." Clearly they didn't renounce their blood supremacist ideology. But probably plunging the whole of the wizarding world into a bloody civil war in which even purebloods who didn't offer total loyalty and compliance. were at risk, wasn't something they approved of. Regulus died in 1979, having presumably come to a similar conclusion to his parents and consequently turned against Voldemort. Since Regulus would have joined up in 1977 or 1978 this suggests that when he joined, Voldemort hadn't yet begun his escalation but by 1979 it was in full swing.

Going back even further, based on Dumbledore's memory of Tom returning to apply once more for the DADA job, it seems that at that time Tom was already using the title "Lord Voldemort." However clearly at that point he wasn't a wanted man as in the memory he doesn't seem to be hiding his identity at all and clearly has no concern that Dumbledore is going to summon the Aurors and shout, "seize him!" So even if Voldemort was already a rallying point for blood supremacists that early on, he certainly wasn't yet involved (openly anyway) in any type of illegal activity.

So it seems that Voldemort started off slowly, perhaps even as the head of an extremist but still legally legitimate political faction, maybe with his Death Eaters secretly engaging in some illegal activities and then around 1978 or 1979 he initiated a rapid and violent escalation aimed at totally crushing all his opposition and seizing total control by force. (And he may well have been very near to succeeding in that goal when he lost his powers in 1981).

(I will also add that from a shipping perspective there's something else really interesting about this timeline. Alphard died around 1977. Now I'm not saying that Alphard was the last restraining factor that held Tom even somewhat in check or that when he died the last piece of Tom's humanity went with him or that Tom went mad with grief and fully succumbed to his darkest impulses or that he no longer saw any reason to hold back. But also I'm not, not saying that. Alphalord is totally canon.)

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Alphalord 🙏 🙏 🙏

Seriously though you guys have genuinely done something special with this ship. I’ve never been so invested in a pairing. It’s really interesting to me that Tom Riddle is almost always shipped with someone who’s ambitious, competitive, energetic, politically involved, and intent on setting him on a better path (like Harry or Hermione) when it makes total sense that he would be compatible—maybe even more compatible!—with someone who’s subdued, cerebral, non-competitive, kind of apathetic towards people and politics, and a bit amoral. They compliment each another—and often make each other worse—and I think that’s beautiful. It’s generally kind of rare to see this relationship dynamic (as opposed to opposites attract/power couple) in fiction, which is a shame.

Look, @therealvinelle, very high praise for our pairing!

[therealvinelle]

So bad!!

rare meme breaching discord containment for @therealvinelle

(marvolard sounds like something you have on the edge of your dinner plate and refuse to eat)

[therealvinelle]

For the sake of doing this properly

People, submit your shipname for Tom Riddle/Alphard Black, and we'll put the worst ones up for a poll.

So far we have:

Tard

Volphard

Tomalphort

Talphie

Talphard

Alphom

Alphardemort

(Four latter suggestions courtesy of this post by @thecarnivorousmuffinmeta)

Do your worst. (And be creative! Don't limit yourself to name maships! When I say do your worst, I mean it.)

[jlhynde-insanitybrilliance]

UDLTTOM DIALOGUE DRAFT #47

*Harry staring at notice board in Slytherin common room*

Alphard Black: Hey Evans, what are you doing?

Harry: Professor Slughorn tells me I need to join a club—

Alphard: Oh? Have you thought about the Dueling club—

Harry: No. Hard pass.

Alphard: Why? You’re really good at—

Harry: Just because I’m good at something doesn’t mean I enjoy it. Besides that would be too much work. I’m looking for something that requires minimal effort. There’s not a club dedicated to napping is there?

Alphard: If there was Mulciber would be captain. But if you’re looking for minimal effort, Eileen Prince has a gobstones club that’s popular with the first and second years. You gotta make her think you’re serious about it though, cause if she thinks you’re teasing she won’t let you join.

Harry: Noted. Thanks, Black.

———-One Hour Later——

Tom: …gobstones? Gobstones?! He refuses my offers to join the Knights, but he’ll play gobstones with a bunch of eleven-year-olds?!

Alphard: Hey don’t curse the messenger—

Tom: Ridiculous!

Alyxander Mulciber: A napping club sounds like a good idea, do you think we could get a faculty advisor to sign off on it?

Lyra Burke: Professor Trelawny might do it if we lie and say it’s a astral projection club.

Ignotus Avery: If you guys get it approved, I’ll join up too. Could use a little nap with all this homework our professors keep piling on—

Tom: None of you are forming a napping club. You have too much work to do—

Lyra: If we form it Evans might join and that’ll give us a chance to gather more information on him…

Tom: There are better ways of gathering information, Burke.

Lyra: Maybe. But those other way are not as relaxing.

Tom: You’re not supposed to be relaxing!

Alyxander (whispering to Avery): I think he could use a nap.

Ignotus: …yeah, no kidding.