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cozage · 11 months ago

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The Daughter's Return Part 3

Chapter 23: Uncertainty

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Characters: female reader x Portgas D. Ace Word Count: 2.2k

You woke in a strange, metal room. It was sterile, as a hospital room should be, but there was something…comforting about it. Small touches of decor, such as the framed comic books and patterned bedspread made you feel slightly more at ease about your surroundings.

But that didn’t mean you wanted to hang around for long. You had to find Ace and Luffy.

To your dismay, the door was locked. While that normally would’ve sent you into a panic, you could hear Jinbe softly snoring right outside. You were guarded by someone your father respected. That gave you some comfort in this insane situation.

So you tried to rest. But you just ended up tossing and turning, waiting desperately for anyone to give you news. To tell you that you weren’t alone. A soft click of the lock had you sitting upright, desperately needing information.

“I’m surprised you’re awake,” the doctor said as he walked in the door. “You need rest.”

“What-”

“The baby is fine.” He sat down in a chair next to your bed, the color drained from his face. “We had to do a few surgeries, but everything is okay now. Honestly, I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I have some guesses, but we’ve never seen a baby survive that long with direct contact of a devil fruit ability like yours before. It’s unheard of. But your child will make a full recovery, as long as you don’t use your powers for the rest of the pregnancy.” He gave you a slight scowl, trying to reinforce the importance of his words.

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. Your child was fine. Whether it was divine intervention or some other strange cause, you hadn’t lost the baby. No more devil fruit powers for the next few months, but you had anticipated that obstacle anyway.

You almost felt relieved. Almost.

“How are Ace and Luffy?”

He hesitated for a moment. “Strawhat-ya is stable. How are you feeling?”

“How’s Ace?” You asked, fiddling with your bracelet to avoid eye-contact. He was avoiding your question, which meant it had to be bad.

“We’re monitoring him closely,” the man said, caution in his voice. “He’s got some severe burns across his back that are causing some nerve damage, but he will be fine in a few days.”

Your heart quickened at the uncertainty of his words, which was picked up on the monitor connected to you. Your brain was already running through scenarios, trying to find the best outcome.

“We should get to Marco,” you whispered, thinking out loud. “He could help.”

The doctor's eye twitched. “If you don’t think my assistance is satisfactory, you can leave.”

“That’s not what I meant,” you rushed to correct yourself. “He just has a devil fruit that can magically heal people.”

“Ah,” the man seemed to relax a bit. “The Phoenix guy, right? I saw him on the battlefield. A division commander for the Whitebeard Pirates.”

“That’s him,” you said, nodding. You didn’t even know if he was still alive or not. You had no idea where he was or what he was doing. You didn’t know anything about the outside world.

He cleared his throat, watching you closely. “You are a part of that crew, right?”

You nodded again. Was it still a crew if your captain was dead? You weren’t sure. You pushed down the grief that came with that thought. You couldn’t bear it yet.

“I’ll get my guys to figure out which way they headed,” the man said. “We’ll try to get everyone back together with their crew. But you need to rest now. Don’t worry too much, we’re doing everything we can and it’s bad for the baby. Just rest for a few days and I’ll handle what you need.”

“That’s very kind of you.” Your cheeks were wet and you realized you were crying again. You quickly wiped your eyes, trying to get a hold of your emotions. “Thank you, doctor.”

“Trafalgar,” he said. “Trafalgar Law.”

Your eyes darted over to him. You knew that name. You had heard it on two separate occasions before this. And now he was sitting in front of you.

“I know you.” The words were out of your mouth before you realized what you had said.

Trafalgar Law’s eyes narrowed at you, trying to decipher your words. “How’s that?”

You couldn’t tell him the whole truth. You’d only make him more uneasy. So you picked the explanation that was simpler. One that would continue to keep him as an ally.

“I read a Marine report about you a few months ago. Sounds like you stirred up trouble in the North Blue for a while before coming here.”

He gave you a devious smirk, but you could see his body relax at the information. Being from Flevance, you couldn’t imagine what this man had seen over his lifetime. No wonder he was skeptical of people who knew of him.

“Get some rest,” he said, getting up from his chair. “I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you, hopefully with some information about your crew.”

“Can I see Ace?” You dared to ask.

Law froze. “I don’t think it’s a good idea at the moment.”

“But-“

“Just stay put,” he said, finality in his voice.

“Are you going to lock my door again?” You could pick the lock or break the door down if you needed to, but you’d like to avoid that. You didn’t think the captain would like it if you started rampaging through his ship.

He sighed. “I’ll keep it unlocked for your comfort. But don’t wander. This place is a maze. I’ll let you know when you can see the others.”

He shut the door without another word, leaving you with more questions than answers.

—-

You couldn’t sleep.

You were completely fine. Your baby was healthy, by some strange miracle. But you had no idea how Ace or Luffy were doing.

And it drove you insane.

The soft snores coming outside of your room indicated that Jinbe was asleep. If you could sneak past him, you could try and find Ace or Luffy. And then they wouldn’t feel so alone.

And neither would you.

The door opened smoothly and silently, and you quietly stepped over Jinbe as you made your way down the hall.

It was cold in this metal ship, and you resisted the subconscious urge to use your powers and heat yourself back up. There were no windows in the ship either, so you had no idea what time of day it was, or where you were at.

It was almost claustrophobic if you thought about it too long, so you moved your mind away from the ship you were in and focused on the boys you needed to find. They had to be around here somewhere.

The halls were silent except for the light patter of your feet as you moved, randomly picking different hallways to turn down. You’d pause occasionally at the sound of laughter echoing through the ship, but it always sounded distant.

“How big is this damn boat?” you whispered to yourself, weaving and turning. You could’ve sworn you had been down this hallway before, but they all looked the same.

“Who the hell are you?” a voice came from behind you, causing you to jump.

You quickly turned your head to find a knife pointed at your throat.

You were pretty sure he was glaring at you. Though it was hard to tell, since he had sunglasses and a hat on.

“I’m looking for Portgas D. Ace,” you said, taking a step back.

He pushed his knife closer to your throat. “That’s not what I asked.”

You rolled your eyes and in a flash, you grabbed his wrist and quickly disarmed him. You took the knife and handed it back to him, and then began walking away.

“Hey!” he shouted, running after you. “You’re the Newgate girl, aren’t you!?”

“You shouldn’t run with knives,” you hollered back, trying to walk faster. You had to find Ace. You couldn’t waste your time on this strange man.

“Hey!” You saw a flash of burnt auburn hair under his hood as he darted in front of you again. “Captain said you can’t see them yet. They’re still in critical condition.”

You scowled. “Law told me they were stable.”

“Errrr-” The man looked around, but there was nobody to help him. “They’re mostly stable.”

“Mostly?”

“Let me just take you back to your room. I’m sure you can see them in the morning.” He held his hand out, trying to usher you back the way you came. “I’m Shachi.”

You pushed past him, ignoring his words. You needed to see them. Both of them. Now.

“Hey! Gods, you’re stubborn!” Shachi ran back in front of you trying to block your path again.

This was getting too tedious. You closed your eyes, trying to think about how you had used your observation haki so well earlier during the battle. You calmed your racing thoughts and focused on the task at hand. Letting your mind flow, reaching tendrils out to find Ace.

Two hallways down, a right, and then a left. Ace was in the room on the left, Luffy on the right. You were close. You drew a mental map, making sure you wouldn’t forget.

“Are you okay?” Shachi asked, so close you could feel his breath on you.

You pushed past him and sprinted. You ran down two hallways and took a right. You were close. Just one more-

A familiar blue hue enveloped you, and you were teleported into a strange room. It looked like an office. And at the desk sat Trafalgar Law, reading a book.

“I told you to stay in your room.” He looked at you, exhausted and disappointed. “Are you a child? Do I need to lock your door again to ensure you don’t leave?”

He reminded you of Marco. In the worst ways.

“Am I a prisoner?” you demanded, clenching your fists in case you needed to swing.

“No,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean you can wander around my ship freely.”

You frowned. “I want to see Ace.”

“And I told you that’s a bad idea right now.” He sighed, putting his book down.

You were about to start arguing, but he continued speaking. “If you want to see him, just know I tried to warn you.”

His words made your heart skip a beat, and you wondered if it was worth it to see him in pain. If he died, and this was the last time you saw him…

No, Ace promised he wouldn’t die before you. He would make a full recovery. He was strong. He was powerful. He wouldn’t die from a little bit of lava. He wouldn’t have chosen you if that were the case.

Law stood to his feet and walked to the door, and you silently followed him. He weaved in and out of hallways expertly, until he stood in front of a door.

“Are you sure?” he asked, standing in front of the window. You could hear the sounds of machines methodically beeping and whirring, and your heart felt like it was in your throat.

You could only nod, too scared to speak.

He opened the door and you saw the love of your life, hooked up to machines through a mess of wires and tubes.

You carefully walked over to him, afraid you’d startle him.

“He’s in a coma,” Law said. “You can’t wake him up. You don’t need to be quiet.”

But you still tiptoed around him as you examined him. His entire upper body was covered in bandages, but you could smell the stench of burnt flesh. It made you nauseous just looking at his broken body, and you had to resist the urge to find the nearest trash can.

“When will he wake up?” you asked, looking at Law. You couldn’t keep the fear out of your eyes, you didn’t even bother to hide it.

He took pity on you, thankfully. “Hopefully tomorrow. He needs rest. He needs to decide for himself to survive.”

“And Luffy?” you asked, looking at the room across the hall.

“He’s in the same boat. Ace’s back took most of the damage, but Luffy still got a decent amount of damage across his chest.”

“Can I sit here for a bit?” you asked, looking back to Ace. You could barely tell it was him, and it made you want to weep just seeing him so broken.

“Sure,” Law said. “I’ll have Shachi put up indicators to get back to your room.”

You nodded. Tears were pooling in your eyes, and you knew if you spoke anymore, you would lose your composure.

You waited until Law closed the door before you broke down. Your sobs and gasps for air filled the room, mixing with the artificial sounds of beeps and monotone sounds.

“You promised,” you whispered, grabbing his hand lightly and interlocking your fingers. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me. So please. Don’t leave me here alone. I can’t bear it, Ace. I can’t do it by myself.”

He didn’t answer, of course. You didn’t expect him to. Instead, you held his hand and rested your head on his mattress.

Maybe Law was right. Maybe he would wake up tomorrow, right alongside you. And all would be right with the world again. Maybe.

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#one piece #one piece imagine #one piece scenario #one piece x reader #one piece x you #portgas ace x you #portgas ace x reader #portgas d ace x reader #ace x y/n #ace x reader #portgas d ace #portgas d. ace #cozage #✧˚ace✧˚#were almost at the end folks!!! :)

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skrunksthatwunk · 11 months ago

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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks #adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like #the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously #and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it #but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia #namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always #distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever #i just thought me writing “*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post #i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys 🫶

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