#almost three am thoughts
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Alright alright I'm going to sleep.
There BETTER BE footage of the exit-hug/kiss when I wake up.
Also I'm not getting over the wording in those father's (I'm sorry - daddy's) day wishes.
While I sleep imma also need one of you different-time-zone people to figure out who he was pointing to after announcing Star Treatment (just crew? Random audience people? Someone... Else? 🧐). For very important research reasons.
I'm counting on you.
That is all.
Sweet dreams to some. Good luck to others 💕
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
#calne ca#hatsune miku#VOCALOID#cw: body horror#<- And I Fucking Mean That We Are Not Fucking Around Today#well we are. as in I drew this as a fuckaround treat for myself#but the body horror tag is the most warranted its ever been on this blog#ask to tag#I am as ever on my journey to make calne ca Worse. her OG version is too cool. even the crab ver is too cool#I need her to be worse to look at. I am also getting myself into to mood to test my hand at boarding a pmv for my friend's cover#I think my thought for this was ''I should try and give her a more insectoid bodyplan''#which in this mostly means gently three-part body and six limbs (my favourite amount of limbs to draw rn)#actually almost gave her eight but didnt like how that silhouette came out so I mermaided her uh. abdomen I guess#though maybe next time I do this I should push that idea more. the head and torso are still very distinct for one unified part#I feel like one of my old attempts was onto something with like. a more horizontal body plan... well! live and learn etc#happy late mid autumn I guess. I should play with touys about it... I miss model kits. mayhaps...
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hey chat is this anything
#saw this shit and IMMEDIATELY thought of ciel almost getting eaten in emerald witch#dont look at the perspective too hard im tired#kuroshitsuji#black butler#sebastian michaelis#ciel phantomhive#mine#anime#manga#art#my art#queen dont cry#i have three college essays due tomorrow and work at 6 am#good use of my time#cant believe i still have to say this but s*bac*els dni
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this disability pride month, stop making jokes about people in wheelchairs standing up or walking.
can I stand and walk? sure, for a short while and with pain. the consequences for trying to be out all day without a wheelchair are that I'll be in bed for the rest of the week, too tired and in too much pain to move.
but the government won't give me my own wheelchair because they have the same attitude as these jokes - I can stand up, so I don't need one. exercise is good for you, you should walk!
it keeps me trapped in the house, unable to do anything more than short stints anywhere without borrowing or hiring a wheelchair - one that causes me pain to sit in and relies on someone to push me (usually with difficulty), because they're not going to have a high-end chair for that sort of thing.
it's not a miracle that a wheelchair user can stand or walk. it's something we should aspire to see more often.
#disability#disability pride month#chronic fatigue#fibromyalgia#cfs/me#post exertional malaise#like fucking hell people we should really be long past this by now#why am I seeing these bullshit jokes on my dash in twenty fucking twenty three#i did a short walk to a cafe yesterday because I thought I was up to it#and my right leg has seized up#my ankle can barely take my weight and my hip won't move properly#also lol I almost certainly have hEDS but cannot persuade a doctor to give me a referral#in summary#stop being fucking dense#i would rather people who don't need mobility aids use them than have people struggle because they don't want to be seen as a faker#or have people think that you have to reach a certain level of severity before you need it#also if I had a wheelchair I would bring my cat with me more places but that's by the by
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I love your take on Crowley!
I know that the early, non-Diasomnia stories aren't really your thing, but are you reading the novels at all?
I have been following some of the fan translations and the second book seems intense! Would love to hear what you think about them.
thank you! 💚💚💚 I'm not really sure why you think I don't like the earlier arcs though, I love pretty much all the characters and their storis! (I think 5 and 1 are my favorite of the past episodes, though 6 infected me with the Shroud brainrot something fierce.) I just...ESPECIALLY love diasomnia. :') but there is room in my heart for all of these dweebs! like, who among us is not just as ride-or-die for Adeuce as they are for us.
that said, I don't really follow the other adaptations like the manga (aside from a dip-in just to see the new Yuus) or the novels, though I keep meaning to check them out! I do like seeing the differences between the different forms of media, and how certain things get adapted one way or another! but alas, time/a lack of accessibility stands in our way more often than not. :( someday...someday I will have time to consume all of the media...
#art#twisted wonderland#i have been playing this game since the day it came out#and believe me i could not have stuck with it for the past three and a half years if i was not deep into all of these idiots#not to harp on it but i do think it's funny because i actually. really did not like the diasomnias at first.#it was like a month before their cards/personal stories were added and so we knew almost NOTHING about them#the website descriptions basically make everyone sound awful#so i thought they were kind of mean/boring compared to everyone else!#(except maybe lilia but i was mad at him for the two seconds of 'girl? 👀' hope i had when they were revealed)#but once their cards came out i fell just as hard for them as i did the rest of this silly game#well. sebek took a little longer. but his ketchup incident converted me.#anyway i have so much sentimentality for episode 1 especially#the prologue was like 'oh this is actually a very silly game! oh there is a plot!'#episode 1 was like 'oh i LIKE these characters and what they're doing with them'#(i think ace punching riddle was the moment i decided i REALLY liked this game) (sorry riddle) (you were being a huge dick though)#also...ink drips. ink drips everywhere.#look when i say this game is laser-focused at me and my tastes specifically i am not kidding
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anyway to end the series on ganondorf tp's writing, my take (which isn't canon but arguable as a valid "death of the author" read imo) is that he is at his most iredeemable AND that's because he has zero things left to lose and no community left and his goal doesn't even make sense anymore he is parasitic and a ghost and pathologically obsessed by his own godlike legitimacy because that is the only thing he still has and it has prolonged his life in a horrible diminished state in a nightmare dimension so SURELY it must mean something right right RIGHT
#thoughts#twilight princess#tp#tp ganondorf#ganondorf#sorry I am quite frustrated by the Discourse#there is a middle ground between evil bad evil bad and uwu baby!!!!!!! and it's the most interesting reading!!!! aaaaaa#even him not mentioning the gerudos being immediately taken as him not caring about them is veeeery frustrating to me#like#imo the three arguable arguments about what happened to the gerudos are#1) they left hyrule because fuck that shit (real and valid) and he would have felt betrayed#2) they collaborated with hyrule to subdue him (??? that seems weird to me but sure why not) and he would have felt BETRAYED#3) they were genocided because they stood by him#and of course we could assume he doesn't care (even if he drapes his execution sword in gerudo patternings which)#(not gonna lie is probably artists not really paying attention to motives but it's still interesting and noticeable)#but wouldn't that be like. deeply traumatic either way.#would you talk about your people to the enemies you hate. would you remind them of what they took from you#in ww they are children and he is old and had time to reflect#in tp he suffered nonstop and then rejected all connection and all community and is feverishly obsessed by what almost was#and they are not children there is no generational thing happening they are all royalties (and link!!! hi link!!) the beef is genuine#and EVEN IF he doesn't care that would at least be a massive wound to his ego#he had an ego collapse followed by a massive ego surge that's literally his canon character arc#so of course he would be weird about the gerudos!! how could he not be weird about the gerudos!!#again we are always assuming lack of interiority by default for ganondorf and that annoys meeeeeee#especially when there could be unbelievably interesting and tragic interpretations from what we get
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Pet store clerk gives Charles a bag of free treats for his ""dog"" all while Charles can feel Erik Looming in the BG
the real mortifying day is after months of getting small bags of dog treats one day the bag of dog treats has like. perfectly normal human candies/pastries or something inside
Of Course charles is confused and impulsively asks what it is/how it's different from the usual only for the clerk to reply theyre Whatever Erik's Favorite Treat Is and its that day forward erik is adamant they just do their shopping online
#snap chats#clerk fully provides this information straight faced. by the way. and still pointing out those are for “”“”“The Dog”“”“”“”“#inviting all of you to assume the three of them became Vaguely Acquainted while charles and erik were fran shopping#like you know how you just happen to do small talk while at the store. at least five months of accidental small talk has led to this moment#'oh yeah i know these are his favorite- [Insert Food Here] right' and charles doesnt have to turn around or probe eriks mind#to know he's itching to leave the store but he cant just do that lest he validate this clerks suspicions#charles absolutely wants to try to laugh it off and tell the clerk he cant give these to his dog but the clerk Just Stares#they dont gotta say anything else ... charles dont gotta read their mind ... he wont argue he'll just swallow his shame and take the goods#anyways ... if anyone needs me ... im gonna succumd to the 3PM nap#i almost made it to 4 but alas ... i am sleepy ... then im gonna work SO im done answering asks for the evening#maybe ill answer some more tonight but i really have to focus. after my nap BYYYYEEEE#im gonna giggle about this new scenario tho ... Cherik Pet Shenanigans Somehow Getting Goofier Than Previously Thought#will have to do more thinkings of that down the line .... for now nap time 😴 cause i repeat i am five years old 😴
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MULTIPLE people thought I was australian on that poll.... head in hands
#I LOVE AUSSIES. I HAVE MANY AUSTRALIAN FRIENDS WHO ARE WONDERFUL. AUSTRALIA IS VERY COOL#however. oh my god. as a kiwi. our country gets left off MAPS dude. there are people out there who don't even believe new zealand EXISTS#I've had people thinking I was australian for YEARS without asking me. I LITERALLY WEAR SHIRTS THAT SAY 'AOTEAROA NZ' ON THEM#I HAVE THREE. THREE SHIRTS LIKE THAT. THRRREEE.#its just so funny. I've had a classmate go 'only an australian would bring a lizard into the common room haha'#almost sicced the lizard at him there and then#had to look him in the eyes and say. I'm from new zealand#and he was all HUUH??? WAIT WHAAAT?????? . MOTHER FUCKER YOU ARE IN MY ENVIRONMENTAL STUDIES CLASS???#WHERE I TALK ABOUT NZ AT ANY GIVEN OPPORTUNITY???#OUR TEACHER WOULD LITERALLY REFERENCE ME WHENEVER NZ WAS BROUGHT UP???#SORRY ITS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME. I can't escape the 'oh I thought you were australian' curse#it follows me everywhere. no escape#my lovely aussie friends whom I cherish deeply. does this ever happen to you but the other way around#listen to my gibberish boy#gonna change my blog to make it very clear that I am from new zealand <- guy who is very very passionate about being kiwi
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Another mini update because I think I deserve to talk about this:
I am changing game plans! I'm not sure if I've mentioned this but... The shell stitch is such a yarn eater. I have four rows of shells, but you actually don't see that there are about eight rows in this because there are intermittently small ones to set up the space for all the shells. These four rows have basically eaten up ninety percent of my skein of 210 yards (192 meters). My question is: should I make one more shell stitch row before transitioning into double crochet, or is four sufficient?
My new plan now is something like this: shell stitch four rows, double crochet until I reach the center of the tallit. The middle will be a few more rows of shells, then back to double crochet until I make it to the other side. I genuinely can't think of a worse idea that thirty-three inches (eighty-four centimeters) of solid white in shell stitch.
(Do note that my camera has completely altered the colors. It does this automatically and I hate it so much. These colors are so much richer and more interesting than how this camera decided to mess with it)
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#tallit#personal thoughts tag#shalom crafts#long post#i am unironically trying*not* to be upset about how my phone's camera ALWAYS edits the colors of photos in such an ugly way#it's so... washed out and sad. a photo is supposed to look BETTER than how real life does#i think what upsets me about this is that this is my art that i have spent months on and the colors are super important to me#ANYWAY. i've been stagnant with this project partially because i didn't want to do shell stitch for thirty-three inches straight#while crochet is faster than knit at almost everything... it's still slow-going#i know it can sound pretentious to be like 'this is ~MY ART~'#but honestly i think you need to learn to develop a bit of an ego when you're an artist to counteract the imposter syndrome and stagnation#because i wouldn't have done the shell stitch if i didn't have the ego to be like 'if i cant do it the way i want it can just be ripped out#and me saying i think i deserve to talk about this is because i really like this craft and i've been working kind of sort of hard on it!!!#i think other crocheters know the sheer headache it is to work something this size (51 inches by 71 inches will be the final size)
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#VENT#VENT TAGS AHEAD !!#so the job is...awful.#i applied for 20-25 hours#they asked if i could do 30#and now theyre pushing me into 40.#i didn't realize that when i agreed to 30 that was NOT binding (i should have known because it wasn't in my job offer. but i am 19 and--#ive never had a job offer letter before. even tho this is just retail)#and i can't adjust my availability for 90 days.#and since i put full availability expecting 25 hours max#now i have FULL 24/7 AVAILABILITY ON FILE for three months at least#and i have no idea what to do because this means i cant commit to any classes coming up for college#but ive been job hubting for months and barely got anything#and if i lose the job i have to move back in with my dad which is almost worse#whats wirse is my leader/boss is so mean. im not saying this lightly#i dont want to get into it but im barely a week in and he's made disrespectful and pushy comments towards me#has basically told me to stay late (which theoretically i cluld say no; but im still on my three months of 'we will fire you if we want to'#and like i said. need the job.#so he told me to stay late knowing i cant really say no#he's given me a frankly absurd amount of work (instock and i get carts filled woth 2-3x their max capacity unorganized and dangerously--#overloaded) and then he pushes me and snaps at me to get it done in an absurdly short timeframe while im still in TRAINING#im afab and present femme as i haven't transitioned irl and he is so ragingly sexist#he often just refers to me and the other girl being trained as 'girl' or 'that girl#and to top it all off#i took this job over a second interview at a place i really liked#because i thought the hours at this olace would be more consistent#nope! full time! surprise!!#and now im kicking myself so fucking hard over it. i feel like i fucked up so hard#and my friend i moved here with has been home for two months and will be this month so im just. alone. and i don't really have anyone to#turn to. im just so very stressed and tired and lonely
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alr someone please listen to me. please. i ahve been going insane abt these fucking parallels since exile was happening
ok. so
ghostbur @ ctommy during the exile arc. let me explain
i dont think i have to explain this part actually
conflating his isolation while he was alive in pogtopia w tommys current predicament
:(
classic line = Lads On Tour!!!!
okay this is where it gets fucking crazy
OLD MAN. FATHER. TOOK THE WING YOU SAY. YOU SAY YOU TOOK COMFORT IN HIS "ART FORM" HIS ART FORM IS FIGHTING AND HE KILLED YOU
#i am on my hands and knees begging for someone to understand me rn#i WILL make this an animatic i WILL do it it has lived in my thoughts for almost THREE YEARS#ctommy#ghostbur#dsmp exile arc#Bandcamp
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checking in how's it going. u okay?
I think this might actually be my favorite fantasy series I’ve ever read
#no smart thoughts just oh my god oh my goddddd.#and i am okay! i just needed a minute to accept that i am apparently a person capable of being brought to tears by the words cold clam broth#i can only assume the author is off somewhere cackling at the havoc she managed to wreak with those three words#anyways. as someone who is eternally wary of endings and ESPECIALLY big fantasy series endings… that was so good#i had almost no expectations of this series going in other than that there would probably be dragons#but the vibes of the first book summary really had me convinced that this was going to be a pretty dark series and like… it has its moments#for sure but i’m just soso pleased that it ended so happily and with such a low body count adjafksgmsgnsg#also i will probably be going WILD in your posts (and whatever else is in the acod tag) soon so be prepared for that :)
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ttrpgs fuck you up
everyone says “try out dnd”, including me but dude believe me, dnd fucks you up, ttrpgs fuck you up
there’s this person in your head and you can only scream about them to the other five idiots with their own little guys in their heads
and sometimes you can’t even scream at them because first you have to reveal the backstory you came up with and you don’t want to do that immediately
ttrpgs fuck you up because they make you daydream about your little guy and what happened with them AND YOU CAN’T STOP THE THOUGHTS
try out dnd (or any other ttrpg), they say… but what they don’t say is that it’s all emotional damage
and the worst part of it is that you enjoy every fucking minute of that emotional damage
ttrpgs fuck you up.
#last night’s vtm session was a fucking rollercoaster#i can’t stop thinking about it#we started with a tattooing session andit was absolutely cute because the npc was a sweetheart and my character got a tattoo#a little line art#based on her pet rats#and then shit hit the fucking fan#we owed an npc and she asked us to investigate why her runner guy haven’t got back yet#he was supposed to get back with the fugitives hours before#and shit really hit the fan when we got to the meeting point#the guy was dead#the fugitives too#they were fucking massacred#and the runner guy was burned to final death#and my character saw them die in a vision#and the vision was like a fucking epilepsy attack#because i had to roll a rouse check and it was a fail#which meant that cassandra (my character) was bleeding from her hand and feet and forehead because she’s a fucking stigmata#and then the other roll was a messy critical#she saw the whole thing in all red#and then one of the hunters who killed the three of them throw a fucking molotov cocktail on us#one of us almost died#we fought him and i drained him so he died#my humanity level haven’t changed but the thought that cass killed a guy was there#and then the secret kindred radio announced simon’s death because he was also a malkavian the host played a song for his sister#cry little sister by chvrches#i cried and i’m still thinking about it and crying a little because it really fucked me up#vampire the masquerade#vtm#san antonio by night#i am not okay
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I have two snarling pomeranians inside of me. The other wants to call the EU writing of Bail's sisters as rigid and rule-abiding proper ladies boring and unoriginal, and wants all of them be as batshit as Bail is. The other one finds the concept of all three girls in the family being proper and deliberate while Bail is constantly off the rails incredibly funny.
#it's almost 5 am and I am 3/4 way asleep so I don't remember all the details#one of his sisters was in some really weird affair that ended in a murder party I think#don't quote me on that#anyway with the latter I mean like they are all smart and thoughtful#in a intelligent and strategizing kinda way#and just having a lot of patience#while Bail is just. like that#and at least once a week the three of them are like thank god he took Breha's surname#he is NOT related to us#sw#Bail Organa#the Prestor siblings
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was reminded of this hongjoong from mama 2020 (not that, i ever really forget about this), and i thought all of you should be reminded too.
#you’re welcome#now suffeeerrrrrr with me#it’s been almost THREE years#i still am not over this#i’m not the same women i was before this hongjoong happened#>*woman#the carnage he left behind after he did this#if you were to ask me what hongjoong moment wrecked me The Most#It’s this fucking one#the way he manspread on that throne bypassing the crown because king didn’t fucking need it#he sat on that throne with AUTHORITY#he looked every bit like Hades come to life#like every romance novel villain that the fmc falls for#the one who’d burn the world but wouldn’t let a single flame touch her#yeah#hongjoong smut#hongjoong hard thoughts#joongie#☕️
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Drag strip arcade tokens from my 3D modeling class
#there's a backwards three on because I thought it was cool. in retrospect that's probably going to get me lost points because it looks like#I just mirrored it without thinking but in retrospect I added both of them almost freehand by dropping the same image on the canvas twice#and I had to actually decide on purpose that I was going to leave a backwards three in there for some reason.#anyway colored bit on this is a different height; this is because I am insane yes but also because the course is in modeling and not shadin#I just dragged an obj file into blender for this render because the built-in fusion 360 render enginesucks#transformers#dragstrip#drag strip#red redesign g1 stunticons#3d#maccaddam
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