#almost 3k today tho!!!

[rubberduckyrye]

Me: Okay because I hurt my shoulder I'm only gonna write 800 words, I wrote an extra 200 words in the last sprint so it'll still be 2k for the day--

Me: --Oh shit I wrote 1.5k on accident. Uh. Whoops?

[kindheartedgummybears]

sorry for disappearing yall life has been a bitch and a lot of personal issues are going on at once, but there is some good news! New 5 chapter fic dropping soon, hope yall like Vinya and monsters.

[its-stupidhours]

here we go!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH

[chisungie]

.

[eimids]

Your worst enemy

Arsenal x reader

Reder is suffering with depression and doesn’t want her teammates to know.

Warnings: depression, mention of suicide (nothing happens tho), HEAVY on the angst, hurt/comfort?

words: around 3k

Your thoughts had been spiraling for a while, first you didn’t even realize it. Starting with only tiredness and some not so good days. You just brushed then off.

Your depression wasn’t back, it couldn’t be it.

Last time it got so bad that you were almost hospitalized. So this time it couldn’t get to that point. You changed your whole life after your last depressive episode. You changed from Manchester United to Arsenal. You cut contact with toxic people in your life, especially your ex.

But without you even realizing, it became more severe. Not having any energy, going to sleep at 9pm and sleeping for almost 12 hours every day. You were also getting irritated really easily. If something didn’t go your way, you were ready to fight (and cry). Practice was the only moment you had to be energetic. You couldn’t let things affect football. You didn’t want to be with your teammates, the bonding nights only seemed like a lot of work to keep a happy surface.

During best days, everything felt almost normal. But just almost. Something felt always off. Sounds were too loud, lights were too brightbut you were happy. You were supposed to be happy. Why couldn’t you just be happy. Everything was good, what did you have in your life for you to be depressed? Absolutely nothing.

You tried your best to not let anyone notice but you failed miserably. Alessia was the first one to notice and tried subtly to talk to you about it. You were closest to her at Arsenal. You transferred with her from Manu so you knew each other from there. Although you were only 19 you and Less where getting along really well. After practice she offered to grab coffee with you, then have a nice girlsnight with her.

“Oh it’ll be fun. We can just go to my apartment to watch some movies and order your favorite food” The older woman tried to convince you.

You were hesitant at her suggestion. After the long day you were already overwhelmed and tired. You just wanted to sleep away the never ending tiredness. You hadn’t had even that long day. Only practice and recovery. Then some quick media stuff. But even that made you exhausted. Wanting to just rot away in your bed you made some excuse for Less.

“I’m sorry i’m just really tired today and I’m gonna have to call to my parents about them coming to visit” You said as casually as you could.

Lessi almost believed it, but she knew something deeper was going on. She’d seen you get more and more tired during the last months and she didn’t really know what to do about it.

“You know you can always talk to me if you have something on your mind?” Less blurted out.

You were pondering your options. You could say that things were ok and not to worry about you. But you could also confess the hard truth. Your depression was back. But Less would have to tell that to Leah and Kim, who were obligated to tell Jonas and the team management.

“I know Less, but I’m doing okay” You said and smiled. Then you just grabbed your kitbag and left the training grounds.

It was already 8pm and it was getting dark. You still didn’t have your drivers license so you couldn’t drive by yourself. You could ask a lift from one of your teammates but most of them had left or were still doing media. Uber felt useless waste of money so you decided to walk home. It was only four kilometers so it wasn’t anything too bad. You started your walk on the quiet roads of England. There was some pubs and bars you walked past to. Hearing the usual catcalls from some gross old men. You tried to ignore them you put your music louder in your headphones and continued walking.

Your phone was on ‘do not disturb’ mode as you continued your walk. You didn’t really notice anything around you. Not even truly caring about anything. You just wanted the numbness and tiredness to go away. Somehow you managed to get to your apartment. You took your shoes off and walked straight to your bed. Not caring that you were still wearing your day clothes. Your apartment was a mess so you didn’t even bother to look for any other clothes.

The next day you woke up and it was already 10am. Another 12 hours had passed with your sleeping. You knew you were going to be late but still didn’t bother to get up. You decided to check your phone only to find 3 missed calls from Less and texts.

Lessi🤍

8.47pm

Viv said you didn’t ride with her back home? Don’t say you walked! I could’ve driven you home..

9.12pm

Please answer to me that you are okay y/n. I just want to know you got home safely.

10.39pm

I really hope you are already asleep at your house. I’m worried please call me when you can.

You were alarmed when you heard something from your kitchen. You quickly got up and went to look for the sound. Your kitchen was cleaned, the living room was cleaned, what was happened.

Alessia. She stood there in your kitchen making you breakfast. You were confused about everything even though you had given Less your spare keys.

“Morning y/n, we need to have a talk” Less just said. Clearly not happy.

“Well yeah, you can’t just show up to my apartment” You answered.

“Yea I can when I’m worried sick about you. I asked almost everyone on the team if they had taken you home but no. Did you walk home? You can’t be that reckless, something could’ve happened. So when you didn’t answer I decided to come over to see what’s going on. I’m glad I found you safely home, sleeping” Less started her lecture.

“I didn’t walk” You lied. “I ordered an uber and got home safely” You continued with the lies. You could see the anger and worry on Alessia’s face turn to guilt. “I was tired and didn’t want to bother anyone so I just ordered the uber. You don’t have to worry about me Less, I’m okay” You said with a smile. You were trying to be convincing although all that came from your mouth was lies.

“Oh i’m so sorry y/n. I don’t know what got to me but you’ve been acting weird lately and I just got so worried when you didn’t answer. Maybe I should get going, I’m sorry again” Alessia said and started to grab her things.

You stopped her by hugging her. You weren’t mad at her, although you didn’t want her to be worried about you, I felt nice to know that she cared about you. “You can stay Less, have breakfast with me” You said to her softly.

So she did. You ate your breakfast in a comfortable silence and then talked about your next match that you were going to have in couple days. You were supposed to leave to Manchester later that day. After you ate, Less grabbed her stuff again and left. You were happy with yourself that you convinced her that everything was okay.

You and Alessia both missed the team meeting of that morning but were on time to get to your bus to leave to Manchester. You got a little lecture from Jonas but didn’t really care. Wasn’t the first time.

On the bus most of your teammates were on the back of the bus listening to music and chatting. You however were sitting in the front. Headphones in listening to Taylor Swift and trying to sleep. It wasn’t hard with how exhausted you were. Sleep came nowadays always easily.

At some point you were woken by Kim sitting next to you. You tried to just act like you were sleeping but the skipper knew better.

“I know you’re awake y/n. Why don’t you come to the back of the bus with the others and have some fun, you have missed a lot of team bonding nights lately and the girls miss your company” Kim stated to you. You could hear Katie singing in the back of the bus and laughed a little.

“Okay I can come for a while. But I really need my beauty sleep” You tried to joke. Kim laughed a little before walking back to her seat. You followed her and were welcomed with teasing from your teammates.

“Well good to see you y/l/n, feels like I haven’t seen you in ages” Katie teased as she saw you walking to the back of the bus. “Come sit next to me” She continued.

You really didn’t want to hear the teasing from Katie but decided to still take the seat next to her. In front of you were Beth and Viv. In the next booth of four were Less, Leah and Kyra. Music was blasting and you saw as Katie was filming a tiktok about the her day. She filmed you in it with the something along ‘She’s alive’. You smiled for the camera but actually you wanted to cry. You were tired af the teasing. You were tired of everyone fussing about you. Why couldn’t you just enjoy some peace and quiet.

You zoned out for a while and next thing you realize was that Leah was gently waking you up.

“Wake up sleepy” Leah said quietly and smiled to you.

“Oh sorry I didn’t mean to fall asleep” You said while looking around. Everyone else had left the bus, you were at your hotel.

Leah just hummed and helped you get your stuff and then walked with you to the entrance. Your teammates were sorting out rooms. You were hoping to get a room for yourself all alone. When you’re name was called at last you found out that you were paring with Leah. Kim and Leah changed looks that you didn’t notice.

Some of your teammates, mainly Viv, Beth and Less had went and talked to your skippers about your weird behavior. They had all noticed the signs of depression. Especially Less who had known you when you had your latest episode. They had made a small plan to get you to talk. Leah would be rooming with you, Kim would encourage you to be more with the other girls. Viv and Beth where just like parents who took notice about your behavior and made sure that you took care of yourself. They didn’t want to talk to you yet about it. They want you to come talk to them, or to anyone at that matter.

The rest of the day was a blur. You had a practice on the pitch, some recovery in cold pool, dinner. At practice you were almost benched because you were playing recklessly. Taking stupid risks and tackling people. A lot of your tackles were not even towards others, more so you could get yourself hurt. They were stupid and you knew it but just didn’t care.

After dinner your head was a mess. You felt overwhelmed and you couldn’t really take a notice of your surroundings. Kyra was walking next to you to the elevator. For the next couple of hours you were supposed to spend time with your teammates. You knew you had to show your face there for people not to get suspicious but you were in a bad mental state and just wanted to be alone. You walked hand in hand to the meeting room where pretty much everyone was in already. You smiled and talked for a while before trying to make an excuse to leave.

“Don’t leave yet, you just came here” Viv said to you. Trying to find someone else in the room who was in on the plan. She saw Leah and waved her over.

“I’m just not really in a mood to be here, I was thinking about having a shower and just going to sleep” You answered. Not having the energy to make up excuses.

“Y/n it’s not even 6pm, can’t you just stay here with us for a little while longer?” Leah asked hopefully.

Everything was just too much for you. The music in the background, Leah and Viv asking too many questions. Your breathing started to pick up pace. You knew that if you didn’t get away now, you would most likely end up having a panic attack. So you left. Without a word to Leah or Viv. You just turned around and walked away. You ran to your room and quickly closed the door. You fell to the ground and couldn’t help the tears in you eyes starting to spill.

You hated it, hated it all. You hated your mind for not being normal. You hated yourself for not accepting help from the other who clearly were just worried about you. You hated your teammates for trying to help. You hated the feeling in your head that just didn’t go away. You just hated it all.

Leah and your other teammates decided to give you some time for a while. Letting you calm down. But they all knew that they needed to do something. Leah and Kim decided to talk to the team management the first thing the following day. They knew you needed help and couldn’t watch on the side as you were slowly ruining yourself. After sometime Leah decided to come back to your shared room. She expected to find you sleeping but was concerned when you weren’t in the room. She checked the bathroom but no. You weren’t there. She got worried quickly. Her mind went first to the worst scenarios. Did something happen to you, did yo do something to yourself, was it too late for her to come look for you, she was blaming herself instantly.

“She isn’t hear” Leah said in a panicked voice as soon as Kim answered her call.

“What do you mean Leah?” Kim asked worriedly.

“She isn’t in our room, what if something has happened” Leah worried.

“Okay let’s not panic yet. Come back to the team room and we’ll make a plan” Kim said to Leah. Being the captain she knew she had to stay calm. They talked as Leah walked back to the team room. Kim had asked most of the girls to go back to their rooms and have a chill night. Not wanting to consern them.

Viv, Beth, Katie, Alessia, Leah and Kim were the ones to stay. They knew you the best and right now all they wanted was to find you.

“Has anyone called her?” Beth asked.

“Well yeah but she didn’t answer, it went straight to voicemail” Leah answered.

“She’s an adult and can leave if she wants, right now there isn’t much we can do unfortunately. Leah I suggest you go back to your room and see if y/n comes back. Inform us immediately if she comes, Viv and Beth can you go to the restaurant and bar to check if y/n’s there?” Kim started to make a plan.

Kim, Less and Katie stayed in the teamroom. Alessia was crying. She knew how bad it could get for you. Last time, about two years ago, she and Ella Toone had found you on the roof of the hotel, ready to jump. After that you started to get better. You were put on antidepressants and went to therapy for a year. She was happy that you were getting better. She didn’t want to believe the signs of depression when she first noticed them again. She didn’t want you to go through that again.

The team didn’t have to look for a long time before you showed up back in your room where Leah was pacing around. She stopped immediately when she heard the door open. Next she saw you with tears in your eyes standing there. Looking so fragile.

“I think I need help Leah, please help me” You said with the tiniest voice, lips quivering but Leah heard you. She came running to you before you collapsed on her embrace. You cried as she carried you to the bed and then continued to let you cry against her.

She quickly found her phone in her pocket and sent a quick text to Kim that you were back. Then she ignored the respond she got and just continued to hug you.

“I’m here for you and I’m going to get you the help you need” Leah whispered in your ear.

—

This was supposed to be longer but I don’t really know how to continue this so I might do a part 2 where reader sorts with the aftermath about everything. Would you be interested in part 2?

[forwhump]

Obedience Training

a/n; me again 😛 back w some random acts of sexual violence because I found this drabble while I was looking for a completely different drabble and you know what ??? a banger’s a banger

I didn’t exactly reinvent the wheel w this one but torture is torture & torture is FUN, yes ???

word count: 3k (sorry !!!!)

tw/cw: transphobia, misgendering, sexual violence, rape, noncon, psychological torture, emotional torture, humiliation, dehumanization, captivity, sexual slavery, threats of incest, mentions of major character death (he doesn’t stay dead tho it’s a whole thing), racism, references to previous disfigurement

mentions of living weapon whumpee, creepy whumper, point’s daddy kink makes a reappearance in this one

Things change after Silas almost gets them out.

Nothing changes for the better.

Restrictions are tighter, inspections more frequent. Silas doesn’t come back to the unit, and in his absence, Point gets more brave.

Point talks a lot to Wren, more than Wren is comfortable with, and almost as much as Point talks, he talks, in some form, about Silas. Still, Wren hasn’t even come close to understanding the complexities of Point’s feelings for him. In Silas’ absence, yes, he’s brave, but he’s giddy, too, in a frantic, frightening sort of way.

He’s grinning as he grabs Wren by the braid and pulls him off the couch, to the ground, to the solid concrete of the common room floor.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Wren cries, then the rock is cold against his cheek and the bottom of Point’s boot is a firm pressure against the side of his head. “What are you doing? Get off me!”

“Hey!” June shouts, and the commotion is just starting to rise but the crack of gunfire still feels like it comes out of nowhere.

“We’re not playing around today,” Point announces from somewhere high above him, but the manic grin is obvious in his voice. “There’s a lesson to be learned here. I’m making an example of you, cowgirl.”

“What the hell is going on?” Hal yells. It’s followed quickly by the sound of impact, something dull, something that has Wren wincing against the concrete and that makes Hal shout out loud.

“What are you doing?” Wren cries again, and Point’s boot leaves the side of his face just long enough for him to drape his weight across Wren’s back. His men, his favourites, stand in the common room among moldy chairs and disintegrating loveseats, guns aimed at the rest of the unit. Blood is seeping through the bandages stretched across Hal’s eyes. There’s a smoking bullet hole in one arm of the couch.

“You people,” Point says, too close to Wren’s ear, “keep forgetting who makes the rules around here. And it’s getting to become a problem for me.” He presses an unwelcome kiss to the side of Wren’s face, and there’s a quick, metallic sort of sound, a blade being drawn, and Point’s weight eases off his back. With a hand, too hard, on Wren’s hip, he turns him onto his back and the tip of Point’s long, lethal buck knife finds the sensitive skin of Wren’s throat.

“What are you doing?” Wren breathes, and he wishes his voice weren’t so small.

How do you do it?, he’d asked Silas once, when he still had a Silas to ask. He’d been like a statue, not only in stature but in the cool, unbreakable marble of his face. Wren had gotten a lot better at translating Silas’ long, flat stares, but that was only after years of exposure and of falling in love with him. Sometimes, still, Wren couldn’t tell. He’d look up at him, at the impenetrable mask of Silas’ face, and Wren would have no idea what was going on beneath the surface.

Wren wasn’t so lucky. Wren was still so human, Wren was only human, and it has never been a benefit for him. He wears his emotions on his sleeve and very clearly on his face, no matter how much he might not want to. When he’s scared, it’s obvious he’s scared. If he’s in pain, even more. And Point likes him scared. Point likes him in pain. Wren never wants to give him the satisfaction, but he just can’t help it, despite how desperately he might try. As much as he fights, and spits, and snarls, he’s scared, he’s always scared, and the dam always breaks, and he always cries. He always begs. It never matters.

He’d looked at Silas, at his indifferent, impenetrable Silas, who’d been sitting, still as a statue, head in Wren’s lap, as Wren had painstakingly helped him remove the last of the stitches from the inside of his empty eye socket. At no Point did Silas complain. At no Point did his face even change. He just lied there, obedient, watching Wren with his other eye.

Do what? Silas asked. Like the rest of him, his voice is always cool, indifferent. He never spoke with a lot of inflection that wasn’t some category of rage. Silas has tells, though, an imperfect poker face, and the beat of Silas between Wren asking and Silas answering meant he wasn’t listening, that he was just parroting. It’s like Silas would get lost sometimes, staring at him, and he always did it with a sort of intensity that made Wren blush. Like everything else he’s ever felt, he couldn’t hide it if he wanted to.

There’s obviously a lot of things Wren feels for Silas, some more complex than others, some bigger and more consuming every day. Jealousy isn’t one of the bigger ones, and it isn’t consuming, it isn’t bitter, but it’s there in how desperately Wren wishes he could do what Silas does. He wishes he could put on a brave face, too.

How are you always so…brave? Wren had asked. How are you not scared?

Silas had looked up at him like he was an idiot, one of the only open expressions he ever freely used. I’m scared all the time.

Wren’s scared. He thinks of Silas, of his cool, marble face, and that bravery seems farther than ever from Wren’s grasp in his absence. His hands are already shaking, and he knows what comes next. He knows, too well, what comes next, and he’s just as scared as he remembers being that very first time.

I just don’t let it stop me, he’d said. Being scared doesn’t do me any good. Wren wishes it could be so simple. He wishes Silas were here.

With a flourish, Point flips the knife over in his hand. “That was a really sweet thing the dog tried to do for you, sugar,” he says, with the saccharine, mocking twang of Wren’s accent. “Unfortunately,” and he takes the edge of the blade to the collar of Wren’s sweatshirt, “you both seem to keep forgetting that you belong to me.”

He cuts open Wren’s sweatshirt with a single, fluid motion. Wren gasps, tries to push him away, slices open his fingers for his efforts and Point holds the knife between his teeth as he gathers Wren’s bleeding hands to tie his wrists with a strip of prison grey sweatshirt. Wren jerks, tries to pull his hands away, to pull himself free — “stop! Stop!” — but Point flashes him a grin around the shining blade of his knife as he ties Wren’s wrists together so tightly he loses all the feeling in his fingertips.

“Not the dog,” Point says once Wren’s bound and the knife’s in his hands again. He takes the blade to Wren’s waistband and Wren’s blood starts coursing cold. “Not even you. Me.”

“No,” Wren pleads, “don’t, please,” and his face burns as he turns it away and Point slices off his prison greys in dramatic strips of cloth. He’s careful not to cut any of the flesh beneath, but the gentle brush of his gloved fingertips is even worse than if he had.

“Get off him!” June cries, and Wren can’t bring himself to open his eyes but he recognizes the fleshy sound of impact as she’s hit.

“Today’s lesson is in obedience,” Point announces loudly, over the wet, breathless sound June makes in the aftermath. “I have obviously been lacking in your obedience training. I have been too lenient with you. That ends today.” When he takes Wren by the jaw, too hard, he’d removed his gloves, and his touch is too warm, it’s too human. It breaks the dam. Tears spill. “C’mon, pretty girl,” he coos. “Eyes on me.”

Wren’s chest hitches as he sobs. If ever there was a time to brave it would be now, on the floor of the common room, with the rest of his unit all present and accounted for. He’s always been different from the rest of them, even outside all the glaring, obvious differences; he’s the soft, fragile, human one. Wren’s weak and breakable. He doesn’t need to be scared, too. He shouldn’t also be a coward.

But he is. He is. He’s scared and he can’t even bring himself to be angry about it, not yet; for the time being, his tied hands tremble and Point blurs beyond his tears.

“Not here,” he sobs, soft, weak. “Please. Don’t do this here.”

“Nah,” Point says, and eases Wren’s thighs apart with his other, uncomfortably human hand. The ground is cold, rough concrete at Wren’s back, biting too hard into either of his shoulder blades and still, the touch is preferable to Point’s soft, fleshy skin. “I want them to see how good you take it.”

Wren sobs.

Robin shouts, something strained and unintelligible, something that sounds like the effort must hurt.

Hal cries, “what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you always doing weird shit?”

Point’s head snaps up so quickly there isn’t anything human in it at all. He looks at Hal for so long without speaking that it makes even Wren squirm beneath him. “This is a lesson in obedience,” he says finally, too loud, “just as much as this is a reminder that I fuckin’ own you people. I can, and will, do whatever. The fuck. I want. The dog has given you all this false sense of fuckin’ security,” and just like it always does when he’s talking about Silas, his tone starts to sharpen into something both deranged and almost too aware, “but it’s bullshit. I own you. Just look at you. Not as tough when it isn’t here, are you?”

His tone doesn’t change but he grins, too wide. “No,” he says, “you’re not. Not one of you is gonna do anything to stop me. You’re gonna stand right where you are, and you’re gonna watch how well the girl takes my cock. Then Vineyard’s. Then London’s. Then Thirteen’s. Hell, maybe the brother’s, too,” he adds, venomous, “just because I can get her to take it. And because if any of you so much as look away before I tell you to, I will fuckin’ kill you. It will be so messy it will put every one of that dog’s deaths to shame. And you’re cowards, right, aren’t you? All of you. You don’t want to die. None of you are brave without that fuckin’ dog.”

He angles his head to look down at Wren again, and he looks at him too closely. He grins as he pushes one of Wren’s thighs up towards his chest, making it look easy despite how desperately Wren tries to close his legs. “Nobody will ever care about you the way that dog cared about you,” he says, and he says it like he’s delighted. “Pathetic, isn’t it? It was willing to die for you, time and time again. Your friends,” he reminds him, “are just gonna watch. They aren’t gonna stop me, and they aren’t gonna save you. They’re gonna watch me fuck you. Isn’t that sad?”

“Don’t,” Wren pleads, and it’s pathetic how his voice breaks with it. “Please. Don’t —“

“I’m the one in charge here, cowgirl,” Point drawls. “You’ll take whatever I give you.” There’s something dangerous in his smile, and his fingernails bite into Wren’s skin as he holds his legs open, too open, too exposed. He sobs, and his back arches off the concrete with the force of it. “I want them to see how wet you get for me,” he says slowly, eyes locked somewhere between Wren’s thighs. “I want them to hear how pretty you sound when you cry for me. I want,” he says, and takes Wren’s bound hands, pressing them to the bulge of Point’s uniform, under his belt, “you to remember who you belong to. I want you to remember who your cunt belongs to, and it isn’t you. It isn’t that fuckin’ dog.”

Wren sobs. His hands are shaking so hard he would swear he can feel the bones in his wrists grinding together. The concrete is so cold against his back but there’s heat pulsing in his face, throbbing beneath his skin, and he’s so cold he’s shaking with it but the heat of the embarrassment is turned up so high he’s burning up, too, he’s feverish with it. His tears are both too hot and too cold on his skin. “Please —”

“That’s it,” Point coos, and he uses Wren’s bound hands to open his zipper. “Beg for me, sugar.”

Robin makes another tight, strained sound, an outraged sort of gurgle, and the flurry of gunfire that follows is so loud and so sudden Wren’s ears ring in the aftermath. He turns his face quickly, and Robin’s not dead. He’s on his knees, hands behind his head, but he wasn’t shot. He isn’t dead. Wren exhales so hard it feels like his chest deflates. Despite his best attempts, he sobs with it.

“I told you,” Point says, a little more lethal, “we aren’t playing around here anymore.” He waits until Wren looks back up at him to grin. “It was a very sweet thing your dog did,” he says again, “and it was really fuckin’ stupid. You have it to thank for this.”

“Please,” Wren breathes, and he wishes he were above begging, he wishes he was stronger than this, but he isn’t, and Point’s right. Not about the rest of them — Wren doesn’t blame them. But he’s right about Wren, at least, for sure — Wren’s never been very brave, but he isn’t brave at all without Silas. “Please. Please, don’t —”

Point grins a little wider as he uses Wren’s hands to pull himself free from his pants. “What do you say?”

The heat worsens in Wren’s face and he can taste his heartbeat. “No,” he breathes.

“Yes,” he coos. “Don’t be shy, now. Be a good girl. What do you say?” Wren starts to shake his head but Point grabs him by the jaw. “Say it.”

“No,” Wren breathes.

Point spits in his face. “Say it,” he warns, “or I’m gonna make your brother fuck you and I’m gonna wait till he’s inside you to blow his fuckin’ brains out. Say it.” Wren’s teeth ache from how hard he clenches them. Point’s grin is waiting, mock patient, as he uses Wren’s hands to line himself up without looking away from his face, too intense. “C’mon, cowgirl,” he coos. “You can do better than that. Be good for me, now.”

Wren’s ears are ringing and his skin is too hot and the floor is too cold beneath him and Point’s touch is too human. “Daddy,” he whispers, and Point answers him with a kiss that nearly breaks his front teeth. He swallows Wren’s scream as he pushes inside him.

“Come on,” Hal protests loudly, and Point licks a stripe along Wren’s cheekbone as he turns his face to look up at him.

“I’m not gonna let you play with her before you go,” he says, conversational, as he pins Wren to the concrete with a hand low on his stomach, as he fucks him with a force that rips open his lower back against the concrete, “because I have a strict no Hindus rule, but I will still blow your fuckin’ brains out. Shut your fuckin’ mouth and watch.” But it makes him laugh, and he adds, “I guess you can’t watch, can you?”, and he laughs again, looking down at Wren. “For the benefit of our blind audience,” he tells him, “you’re gonna have to be a bit louder, sugar. Say it again.”

“Please,” Wren chokes out.

He clucks his tongue. “That’s not what I want you to say.”

Wren sobs, a broken sort of sound he can barely manage around the tightness in his chest. It hurts. Everything hurts. “Daddy,” he breathes again.

This time Point groans, a low rumble of a sound that makes Wren’s skin crawl, that makes his stomach turn. “Baby,” he croons softly.

“Oh, god,” June says, disgusted, and she doesn’t say it very loudly but Point looks at her, anyway.

“Another word out of you,” he warns, “and I’ll blow the Hindu’s fuckin’ brains out.”

“You’re fucked,” Hal says.

There’s something very, obviously, intrinsically wrong with Point, and the only thing he takes worse to than Silas is being told that there’s something really, deeply wrong with him. His skin is deceptively soft but there’s nothing human about him at all, even less human than Silas. The look on his face is a look Wren has never seen on a human being, never seen anywhere beyond wild, violent animals.

“If threats of violence aren’t going to work to keep you people in line,” he says to the room at large, not looking away from Wren, “then we will be moving on. If acts of violence are what it takes to keep you obedient, then acting on violence we will be. The girl will pay for your insolence, since your own lives seem to be so worthless to you.” He smiles, slow and wide, grotesque in its spread across his face. “Isn’t that right, sugar?”

“Yes, daddy,” he whispers.

Point pats his cheek twice. “You might wanna hold on to me,” he warns, his grin even more grotesque. “You won’t be walking when I’m done with you.”

“Please,” Wren whispers.

“Please, what?”

“Please, daddy,” he tries, and his voice breaks, and he doesn’t hear Point laugh but he can feel the rumble of it against his chest, pressed flush against Point’s uniform. It’s rough against his chest, the insides of his thighs.

“Nah,” he says, and grins again. “It’s time to ride ‘em, cowgirl. Hold on tight.”

[splinteredsweets]

im bored and i don't wanna sleep yet but i can't seem to write today so i'm just gonna start rambling a little bit about my felix + turbo (i say it like this bc it's not inherently romantic the point is moreso that they're close in some shape or form) fic i'm writing bc as awkward as i feel about it i just think i'd feel weirder dropping it completely out of nowhere whenever i do finish it sooo

rambling go !!

it's essentially about that one headcanon where they exchange awards bc i love that hc c: the entire fic is gonna be made up of 5 different scenes - the first two are showcasing how the initial trade-off came to be , the next two are about them reminiscing about each other , and the last one is after all the sugar rush stuff happens

i don't really wanna give toooo much away mostly bc i am a very secretive person and i like being weird and vague about the stuff i'm working on bbbuuuuuttt i am veeeerrrrrrryyyt close to being finished . i think . pretty sure ? ive been working on this for almost a month already and i pretty much have the first three sections done with constant editing and small changes here and there , im currently finishing up the fourth , and i need to start working on the fifth ... which the latter is gonna be tough bc ... im not even entirely sure how it's supposed to play out yet ive kinda been putting it off entirely until i had everything else written since it depends a lot on what happens before then so im still trying to figure out what exactly im trying to get out of the scene .:. i'll get there eventually tho no idea when

oh yeah btw . i hope you like angst . bc i LOVE the stuff and there is a loooooot of it . like 8k+ words of it hEhEheHeGe ok like tEchNiCallY the first 3k or so are mostly fluff the first 2 parts are kinda sweet i think but there is an overhanging feeling of dread for the pain that is to come ... c:<

ig that's enough rambling about the premise for now , although i'll share just a few out of context authors notes unfortunately i don't have very many bc i was way too worried with how everything was turning out so most of it was like 70% worrying and 30% plotting

'what actually is on felix’s medal like … is it a number one … or his name … or a hammer … why is it both the latter in the movie … that doesn't make any sense … i can work with any of these i just need to know which one it actually is …IM ORETTY SURE ITS BOTH ugh im going to scream … ok i think like on the screen it's his name but in the actual game it's a hammer .. ? kill me what the fuck do i go with ' (decided to go with the name bc i had more to work with)

'one of the nicelanders is like ‘you have a visitor’ and he's like ‘wow already .. ?’ and there's like only one person he can think of that that's fast . SONIC SPEE- no '

'to roadblasters or not to roadblasters … that is the question ..'

'he can get a little overwhelmed by emotions right as a treat ?'

'ppffftttt i was just thinking random thoughts and my silly brain thought of that one thing that's like 'annoying gay couple + annoyed lesbian' with fucking hammertastic and gene pppfpfffftttt that's so stupid lmao'

'feel like this is kinda sweet ... this looks like a good spot for my roller skate and my marbles ... it's just such a shame i'm going to RIP IT ALL AWAY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i love angst <333 you gotta have some lovely happy moments to maximise the pain'

'... i do not know a fucking thing about clothes is what kc's wearing under his tailcoat a waistcoat or am i stupid ... is it a normal shirt idk ... is that immersion ruining if i just keep it im going to die' (didn't end up using it)

'i really love it when my brain gets excited and goes hehhehehehehahahahahahHhdeHgff do EEEEAAAAA i don't know if i can utilise this power properly tho :C i can try tho … hey looks like the worrying is back on yayyyy (boooo)'

'fuck it we ball we go into the liiiIIIIII'

there is also a whole bunch of evil laughter in the notes and i noticed i use a LOT of italics especially when it's from turbo and especially especially during king candy's section lmao ... he just feels the need to be very expressive and emphasise the way he says and thinks things lol

yknow what just for fun - and bc i have no idea where else to put this - i did once have a very . interesting . bunch of authors notes i wrote a few years ago for something else but i never ended up writing it . it makes absolutely no sense at all and it's completely out of context so hopefully it's still kinda funny

'pictures of giirrrllss are noooot for meeee you seeee

she be down in hollywood (that's not the words) (idc)

ur actually insane yeah thanks i know

WE GET GIRLS !!! WE ARE CUTE !!! WE ARE COOL !!

dom

i eat sand

shut up

metroman finally starts falling for megamind but oopsies poopsies it's too late he's already fallen for the hot reporter roxanne (what the fuck why did you make this comparison) (also that just sounds like a normal megamind fic)'

i would draft similarly to ^that in school too with my boring essays and once i accidentally submitted one of those drafts and i got sent to the counsellors office for 'concerning behaviour' lmao

anyways i might maybe perhaps ramble some more and let loose some more details perhaps maybe another time dunno uhh but i think that's enough for now ... bonus rambling in the tags

[bezslutpiercing]

💚🧡

Quiet franky/mig, 3k words

Saturday means Ranch, and Ranch 90% of the time means “everyone eats dinner together and then plays some rounds of video games with beer and snacks”.

The main problem for Mig usually is that he’ll get much too competitive in Fifa and will end up cursing at everyone who beats him, which almost always happens to be Luca. Everyone has their teams, and the majority of them plays with Roma, he’s the only one playing with Torino, Pecco and Cele always going for their fuckass black and white team and Bez just goes with either Bologna or a random team the others tell him to use, which usually ends up being a team that just got up from Series B or is in retrocession zone.

Even with a team like his he manages to always score a few wins, not much but it’s something.

Tonight the problem it’s not how many losses he’ll face tho, he isn’t even paying attention to cele and bez playing, which he usually does because they tend to injure each other's players more than actually playing for real, he’s focused on Franky’s profile, how it gets modelled by the light of the sunset outside peering through the window.

He looks like a vision, he always thought he did, since the first time he came to the Ranch, when they were both much younger, ten years ago now, when they talked about being in the same motogp team and battling for wins and championships.

But today he was looking particularly hot, at lunch especially, after half a day of training was gone, and he had takes off his leathers, Mig had frozen in place while staring at his arms, how they basically glowed under the sun, at his chest, god he wanted to fucking lick it.

It was ridiculous really, because Bez caught him staring and had made fun of him for something like two hours, as is he didn’t spend the first half hour of training looking at cele’s abs as he undressed and dressed back up because he wore a suit one size too large he accidentally bought three months ago.

And he’s been horny since morning, seeing Franky train alongside him, he doesn’t even know how many times he wanted to just drag him in his room and have him fuck him into oblivion.

But he didn’t want to push, they fucked three times yesterday, because he just looked too hot once they woke up, and again while he was cooking lunch and once they were in bed after watching a movie and he had climbed on his lap and Franky had him rub on his thigh until he came just to fuck him pinned to the bed before he fell asleep in his arms.

So he really didn’t want to bother, but right now they’re sitting much too close on the couch, just the two of them because the couch is their place, just like the armchair is Pecco’s and Luca’s and the floor is Cele’s and Bez’s.

And Franky has been stroking his thigh for almost half an hour now, never getting too high with his hands, because they’re with their friends and he can’t exactly keep his hand near his pussy when they’re all together.

He must make some sort of sound, because Franky turns his head towards him like he’s been electrocuted and their eyes meet, and all the older can see is lust in Mig's eyes.

Mig blushes instantly, and looks away, trying to focus on the game his friends are playing, but Franky is not an idiot, and he saw how he was looking at him, and Mig immediately feels his hand getting higher and higher on his thigh, until it’s almost there where he wants it to be.

Franky is also quicker than him in grabbing a blanket and throwing it over their laps, leaving him with the possibility of touching him through his pants and underwear.

He scoots closer, grabbing Mig’s leg and placing it over his thigh, as the younger looks around to ensure no one else saw the movement, but luckily bez and cele are still focused on the game and Pecco has fallen asleep sat on Luca’s lap as he scrolls on his phone.

“You want it this bad Andre?”

He was busy making sure Luca was watching his screen, he didn't notice Franky leaning over so that he could whisper in his ear.

He doesn’t find the strength to answer so he just nods, still watching intensely the TV so as not to jump on Franky’s lap and starting to make out with him. It’s not like they’re shy about PDA but from holding hands or kissing while the others are around to jumping on his boyfriend’s lap moaning while they’re on the couch in the common room there’s an abyss.

“Well I’m not feeling like getting up right now, so what about I get you off here? You’d have to be quiet though, really really quiet because you don’t want the others to know how much you need me right?”

He nods again, and he can catch Franky smiling in his peripheral vision before he feels his fingers press against his pussy through the layers of clothing he wishes he didn’t have on.

He has to suppress a whine, biting lightly at his lower lip, but it’s not like Franky cares, if Mig wants to stop he can just grab his boyfriend’s wrist and they will end up fucking in one of their rooms.

He lets Franky tease him, he’s fairly sure his underwear is already a bit soaked from how excited he is at the thought of getting fingered while having to keep quiet in a room full of their friends.

Once Franky gets tired of torturing him through clothes he gets his hand in his pants, pushing after the hem of his boxers, one finger just brushing his folds, while Mig hopes no one can hear his breathing getting more and more irregular.

When he pushes the first finger in tho, there the real torture begins, because Mig’s not used to ever restraining his moans, he’s always very vocal, maybe too much sometimes, he pities to ears of his friend who must’ve heard him more than just a few times when they fucked here at the Ranch, but right now he’s biting his lip and focusing on the game,opening his legs ust a bit further, to leave more room for whatever Franky wants to do with him.

A second finger enters him while Bez scores and cheers, and he allows himself to release a bit of tension built up in him and letting out a soft moan, which gets detected luckily only by his boyfriend, who smirks slightly, but has no other reaction other than pursuing his goal to make him come hidden under the blanket.

Cele curses a bit, he’s one goal under now, 2-1 in Bez’s favour and he has something like three minutes left to draw.

He can come by then, and after that he’ll just act like he’s sleepy and Franky will take him to his room and take proper care of him there.

One of his hands is covered by the blanket as well, he’s gripping his own thigh to try and calm himself down, but it’s not doing that great of a work, and he has to thank Cele managing to score and bring the result to a 2-2 while Franky takes out his fingers and starts teasing his clit, because he can’t find it in himself to hold back a whimper when that happens.

He’s got the countdown in his head, 2 minutes 30 seconds and then the game will be over and they’ll all start talking and he will not be able to come while they talk, so he just needs to get his release fast.

Franky knows as well, and for how fun it would be to have Mig on edge all while the six of them talk he also wants to fuck him as soon as he can, so he picks up his pace slightly, pressing more on his clit, his other hand pulling his sweater down to cover his bulge, because he’s everything but unaffected by how much Mig wants him.

He keeps rubbing his fingers against Mig’s clit and he feels he is moving under the blanket, shifting every few seconds to keep his internal excitement there, and he gets faster, he’s almost sorry for Mig, who’s forced to hold in his sounds and the need to open his mouth and moan like he usually does.

One minute twenty, fuck he needs to come now, so they’ll have some time to gain back composure. He thinks Franky must be reading his mind because he stops touching his clit and buries two fingers in again, immediately adding a third and thrusting in and out, and he can hear the squelching sound coming from Franky fingering his pussy, hoping the others are too taken by their tasks to do the same, because oh now that would be extremely embarrassing.

The hand Mig has got squeezing his own thigh is getting tighter around it the closer he gets, and it only takes Franky a few more thrusts to make Mig come all over his fingers and underwear, which is gonna be uncomfortable until they reach the room.

Mig lets go of his lip, breathing in and out with a controlled and robotic pace, not daring to look to his left where Luca is, he doesn’t want to know if he’s been caught.

Then he hears Luca moving, and Pecco groaning in response, snuggling more into his embrace. The light from the phone turns off and Luca picks Pecco up bridal style while getting up, turning his head towards the others, Mig as well who only now has the courage to look at him.

“We’re going to sleep, good night guys”

They all answer “night” in unison, cele and Bez resuming when there’s 30 seconds left in the game, Franky in the meantime has mostly cleaned up his fingers in the inside of Mig’s thigh, and he’s noticeably aroused, if the fact the hand he used to get Mig off is still on his thigh is an indicator, as well as the other placed right on his crotch to hide the fact he’s hard to the others.

The game ends with a draw, and the two almost immediately turn off the TV, Cele wants to talk judging by how he turns towards them, but then Bez goes in for a kiss and his brain probably forgets what they were saying, letting the older take his hand and drag him towards his room.

Franky and Mig don’t speak for a whole minute, when Franky opens his mouth to talk Mig climbs on his lap and kisses him almost feverishly, moaning in his mouth as he rolls his hips against Franky’s, who got taken aback for a second, but immediately reciprocates the kiss, getting one of his hands in Mig’s hair and the other on his hip, guiding his movements on his lap.

They keep making out and Mig can feel Franky getting harder under him, and God isn’t that just the most arousing thing ever.

“Andre Andre fuck let’s go to my room” “No” “You want to stop?” “No i don’t want to go to your room I want you to fuck me now” “We’re in the living room Andre” “Yeah so? Wasn’t a problem when you were fingering me two minutes ago so it’s not one now”

Franky is taken aback for a few moments, yes they did fuck here more than once, they may also have fucked while Mig was bent over the table but they were alone, now there’s people and somehow this feels even more dirty than getting him off earlier on the couch, because he knows that now his boyfriend is not going to hold back any kind of sound coming from him.

“Ok yeah it’s fine here”

Mig starts kissing him again, working his jeans zip open and palming him through his boxers, making him moan in his mouth, while he tugs his underwear down just enough to free his cock from its confinement.

Mig breaks away to take off his shorts and boxers as well, and before Franky realises it Mig is once again on his lap kissing at his neck and leaving marks on it. He lifts his hips to align himself with Franky’s dick, then slowly sinks down, feeling every centimeter entering him as he lets out soft whines the closer he gets to the base.

“Mh fuck you’re so wet” “No shit Sherlock” “You feel amazing”

Franky takes advantage of Mig’s position to bite down on his collarbone, leaving teeth marks there, just because they both enjoy seeing them on his skin, and then moves both his hands to grab Mig’s hips and help his movements as he starts to ride him.

To Franky Mig is a vision as well, especially when he’s like this, with the moon that has now risen playing light games on his face, the light blush on his cheeks and his mouth slightly parted, moaning in a way so sweet it tastes like honey in Franky’s brain.

Mig doesn’t go fast, he never does when he rides him, because he enjoys it much more when it’s slower and both can feel it more, it also makes him feel more connected to his boyfriend, and he absolutely loves feeling Franky’s hands on him, his hips, his ass, his back, wherever he puts them Mig likes that, it makes him feel protected, wanted in a way that’s so intimate he can’t really explain it.

He keeps moaning even when Franky pulls him in for yet another kiss, Mig’s hands shifting from his shoulders to his hair, beautiful curly hair finally growing back. He tugs at them a bit and then goes back to putting his hands on Franky’s shoulders for balance, while the other moves one hand from his hip to his ass, squeezing it a bit and making Mig moan louder.

Franky starts rubbing circles with his thumb on Mig’s hip, as their breaths become more and more shaky and Franky can’t help but break away from teh kiss to mark up his boyfriend’s chest and neck, he just loves that, as he loves Mig doin the same to him, when they’re laying in bed after they fucked or just before doing it and Mig starts leaving hickeys all over his neck.

The other thing he loves is leaving prints of his hands on his body, and it’s not liek he has to squeeze or tighten his hold very much, Mig’s skin gets marked pretty quickly even just by a small scratch, which makes it even more fun, a little less when they are on holiday and Mig basically tans with his handprints on his hips.

One time Bez had asked Mig if Franky was too harsh because he was basically full of hand-shaped bruises all over his ass, and Mig had been so embarrassed he avoided Bez for a whole day after calming him down. Since then he had toned down his marking, thought he can’t help but leave at least a few, maybe just a bit less visible on his hips.

Franky feels Mig’s pussy tighten around his dick, and he can feel the wetness increasing, so he knows Mig is close, dangerously so, and he’s not doing any better.

“I’m gonna cum fuck” “Yeah I feel it God you get tight when you’re close”

They begin making out again, and not even a minute later Mig is finally getting his release, melting in Franky’s arms as he looks Mig in the eyes for permission to come inside him. He does like more than half of the time, but he always asks, or looks for confirmation like he’s doing now, he wouldn’t do something that can even remotely upset Mig.

“Yeah you can you can”

Franky smiles at him and kisses him once more, thrusting into him a few more times until he’s filling him up, he can feel the liquid leaking from Mig’s pussy and it gets him fucking crazy.

Normally he’d eat Mig out to clean him up, but Mig looks absolutely gone right now and by the looks of it he just wants to get a shower and go to sleep, so he gently pulls out, helping Mig to lift his hips to do it more comfortably and kisses his forehead, making Mig smile softly.

“You’re so cute right now you know that Andre?” “Only now?” “Nah, but you’re cuter when you’re sleepy” “Take me to bed” “Shower first” “Can you wash my hair there?” “Sure” “I love you” “I love you too, now come on wrap your arms around my neck and I’ll get you upstairs” “My clothes Franky” “Gonna come back and pick them up after we shower ok?” “ok”

Franky pulls back up his boxers and jeans, wrapping the blanket around Mig’s hips to cover him a bit. He'll wash it together with the underwear and pants sometime tomorrow, he just wants to bring Mig to his room and make sure he falls asleep comfortably.

He hopes they haven’t stained the couch, because if they did he’ll get the like third reprimand from Vale for doing it.

[rodolfoparras]

Okay I gotta complain for a moment

Dorian, the company that bought The Arcana (?? Or brought it onto their team, Dorian doesn't make games themselves but helps others), made a modern story dating sim version of The Arcana and I am NOT the biggest fan 😭

I never played it but the way they dressed and characterized them just from their cards. I edited the cards to be side by side for reference for their casual outfits and info

LUCIO IN AXE BODY SPRAY???? NUH UH. He'd have a very expensive, fancy cologne that's like 3k for a few ounces bro. And something bugs me about his clothes, and I think it's the jacket.

Yes, Portia has a cat, but she would NOT wear the cat thigh highs in that fit?? She looks like she's about to do yard work??? Get her a sun hat, gloves and clippers bruh, maybe some knee pads instead to keep her knees safe. I cannot see her wearing that fit very casually either

Muriel would be a chronic sweater wearer, soft and comfy, but not that.... Especially the jacket tied in his waist. (Hell on earth that Muriel can't even escape the violence in the modern age)

In my head, I think Julian would be a LITTLE flashier. All the drip that boys got is a WATCH?? He's probably wear a necklace or something.. and probably piercings, at least his ears

Idk about Nadia... Something about her fit is... Wrong to me.

Asra looks good, me thinks. I almost see him wearing flowy skirts tho... Almost hippie-ish but not quite...

Learning to draw solely to fix these designs up

I've heard a few people say that they don't even know the characters any anymore and a lot of them are fandomized which is devastating. And with the way they present the characters with the extra Arcana game stuff makes me wanna agree

Anyways, sorry 😭😭 I just couldn't stop thinking about it, they irk me so bad, hoping the other anons get it

-🐧

I tried Dorian today!!! I played the modern story of arcana just see what the fuss was about since I keep getting ads for it and I decided I didn’t like it! I don’t like how the game is set up. For example if you want to charm Lucio you have to pick really obnoxious dialogue choices. I understand he’s self centered and what not but I don’t understand why I have to be that as well to charm him. If anything I’d love to have dialogue choices that do not reflect his personality because there’s no reason for me as a private investigator (that you are in the game) to come to a party to investigate a crime and say “woooooo partying all week sounds like so much fun”??

And although I don’t know the characters super well I too dislike the jacket 😭it feels like they did try to stay true to the characters but still keep it modern but it doesn’t look right with Lucio and it certainly doesn’t look right with Portia. I do have to say I liked Muriel’s suit but the casual outfit is certainly something Julian kind of reminds me of an eboy and it certainly doesn’t match his original style 😭

[neoncat666]

extremely long shadows over welde character analysis post

by extremely long i mean its fucking 3k words cause I go too silly.

Spoilers up to ep 8 and its mostly rambles so apolocheese. I also posted this on my twitter so if u saw it there here's an actual text version LOL

Argentum:

Oh my god. You are soooo…… First of all, in the story we’ve gotten this. Argentum is a strong headed, curious person who is a bit stubborn and holds themself at a bit of a graceful appearance on the outside. They are smart, witty, but also a bit of a temper especially when it comes to frankly a little stupid ideas. They are also kind and care for others. We were shown from the beginning that they enjoy their work and meeting fans and even with people they just met are willing to help them stay safe. Also they’re a little dumb. Sometimes curiosity overrides rational thinking and that was shown when they touched the weird fucking webbing in the cave and also that ENTIRE plan when there was the confrontation between Vhaeraun and Lolth which was fucking actually crazy. This isn’t even beginning to talk about the head friend. I am constantly thinking about that voice and who that could be. Brings us speculation around them. Argentum is not human, or at least fully human. Their eyes are def not human and Hayden is a silly lil guy who would pull a trick like that. There was one speculation on them possibly being a Kalashtar and I think it could fit but honestly for now it hasn’t been on my forefront. I also bought the inscriptor class finally and was looking at how possibly they were built. What stats what subclass ect. I don’t fucking know.. Now you might be asking “Hey why don’t you just ask?” CAUSE IM SCARED. But honestly cause I wanted to see if I could figure it out myself lmao. It boiled down to either Mystery or Historian subclass is what Snail helped me narrow to. Could be wrong tho. There’s also little tidbits about Argentum that have come from outside the sessions like when I asked if they had a canonical birthday cause “celebrating fictional characters birthdays is cringe” “fuck you happy birthday argentum” is funny. Still honestly wanna know if any of the party has canon birthdays. I got hit with the “Oh they don’t know their own birthday.” and then swindled. There was also the discussion on Hayden’s pcs never really having parents or family and Argentum was included in that list which more or less got confirmed in session this episode (7). I still don’t know their motives, still don’t know their relationships with others because it seems everyone is connected to someone except Argentum, and I still don’t know who their patron is and if that is the same as the voice in their head. Love the silly though

Phoenix:

Fifi….. Not much was known about you until today and holy shit did it rock my world. Before we had known he was the apprentice to Ipswich and was sent in his place as guest of honor. We also then found out he was a spy working on tailing Lolth and that’s kinda all we knew about Phoenix for a bit, at least heavy lore wise. He’s a sarcastic, witty, bitch and I love him so much. I could never surpass Snail as Phoenix Enjoyer but it’s close. We learned a bit more during the nightmare drink sequence where he met his patron and got his powers fucking zapped. A couple things stood out to me from it. How his patron looked and specific wording from Phoenix. We know Ipswich isn’t mortal anymore but Phoe had said something along the lines of “I’d get my ass kicked and be right back here the next day.” He is surrounded by death or even just the undead. His patron deals in undead magic and I don’t think if Phoenix gets knocked down he wouldn’t be back again looking all fine the next day. We don’t know his patron’s name which like. Fuck. but lmao. Anyways Ipswich is tracking him like crazy and says he has this important quest although we don’t know a lot of Phoe’s thoughts and feelings on what he’s doing. To me it almost seems like he’s a tool or pawn for others and idk if I can fully call him a good person. Doing a bit of research into his pact and such it seems that he’s just going to possibly lose more and more humanity as he gets stronger but also i couldn’t tell you how much he has already. There’s also the whole cousins and throne thing that got dropped this episode. It seems his family is also involved with this whole scheme but Phoe is the favourite of the bunch. The idea that he could possibly be royalty was also thrown around and i think if he was like secret prince it would be from a large family all vying for a throne or he is working with Ipswich and others to usurp the current ruler and take the power for himself. Although knowing Fifi it’ll probably be like a secret third option. Not much except he’s so 90s movie older sister to me and the fact Ipswich runs a school for swindlers which is kinda funny.

Sunder:

Babygirl. Pookie. Love of my life who I want to kill me. God. This is now my love letter to you. I saw you across the bar and thought you were sooo scary and I’ve been enraptured ever since. Anyways that’s a freak. He’s not the most talkative and seems more lonely despite everything. They’re funny, loyal, kind, and ruthless. We didn’t get much for Sunder for a bit until mostly the shopping episode. We learned a bit through Kelly and the nightmare drink of what makes up Sunder but it didn’t really culminate until the head crushing I would say. Honestly I don’t even care I just fucking love the way Sunder is played. Like I’m sitting here trying to find words that aren’t just I think he’s neat cause I do think analyzing him is intriguing. They’re going to get angry and they’re going to get violent and you are not safe. It’s something that was so surprising at first because of how much Sunder kind of fell into the background. The nightmare drink gave us the first look at this, that Sunder had apparently killed someone, a kid even, but a lot of their violence was played off as a joke by the community, I know I did. Learned today that the person in that nightmare was Ilmater and it shows that she wasn’t lying when she said that visions and nightmares of this accident are a plague. I believe them when they say it was an accident and idk how young they were but to harbor that from a young age will fuck you up. Their morals are something that intrigues me i would say the most. No trouble in murder although I assume that’s more or less towards people who piss him off or are generally bad people. He’s kind hearted and that’s shown a lot especially with this last interaction I’d say. I still need to like rewatch a lot of parts of it but “we were just kids” genuinely fucking rocked me to my core and it got me i won’t lie. We’re still very early in but idk, I want to see Sunder truly happy and not haunted by the ghosts of their past. I feel this was most likely the first step but it’s hard to say as we go forward. I think violence and blood will always follow it’s just how they choose to take it.

The Wall:

I think now Wall is the character we know the least about, at least to me. We know his duty to Eilistraee and his duty to Zephrael and also his little foodie quirks (love him dearly) but outside of that I don’t think we know a lot. He’s the character I have the least notes for now but I do know this. He is loyal to a fault, a little dense, kind, and revels in battle and violence. I think about his nightmare and the fear of losing her and the sword then what happened to this episode. He’s had this since he was a child and then he had this dream, this trip to the beastland plane and looked Eilistraee in the eye and fought her. I believe he still loves her, cares for her, but I also think it has changed since that episode no doubt. Rewinding a bit, I think a bit about him being told he has to be pure of heart in order to wield the sword. What does pure of heart truly mean? Wall loves fighting and murder. He actively committed torture. Also he’s the bodyguard for an objectively bad man. There’s the argument of his intentions are pure although I doubt you can do a lot of what he did and have those intentions be fully pure. It’s just something I think about more than probably a normal person should teehee. Anyways the conversation he and Rae had at the beginning of this session should classify as psychological warfare cause I genuinely do not think I’m ever going to recover. I have been talking about it for weeks how they are the chosens, favored, by literal enemies and seem to have some sort of hit on them by a couple of deities now. I thought about how it might affect relationships and how Wall views them. We know he’s very loyal but I always wondered how far he would need to be pushed before that is broken. Seems like an extreme amount. His morals are probably what intrigue me the most tbh. I’d kill to know what his alignment is LMAO. Most of all I just really love the Wall because he is goofy and silly but he also isn’t a stupid brick wall that doesn’t know anything and I really enjoy seeing the times he gets to explain things. Fuck it we Wall.

Zephrael:

Okay so this will be the longest one cause I’m biased and yes Zephrael is my favourite. I always feel a little bad when it comes to that and showing that favouritism because I truly do love the entire party so much. This hit me the most when the show was just starting out and I did feel like I needed to show how much I loved each character and not just focus on Rae lol. I hope this thread can at least show that (if you even make it this far) Anyways Zephrael is a fucking freak and I love him so much. I’ve done multiple posts on him before and yeah Im gonna repeat some of it here i wont lie. Right out the gate we probably learn the most and yet the least about Rae’s past and present. He is an emissary for the reformed church of Lolth and an honored guest. He had known about Edo’s work before and talked about how it had helped with relations between the public and the reformed church. This means everything and nothing to us. But it does show that despite Rae’s… oddness, he is extremely well spoken when he wants to be and I think about that speech a lot. The next few episodes gave us some more information yet also a lot more questions. These weird pains that seem to predict disasters, the extreme phobia of spiders despite being a paladin of Lolth, and his both egotistical yet self deprecating attitude. It was fascinating to watch him because he clashed but never in a way that made him irredeemable and I’ll go more into that at the end section. A few early things I thought about a lot before the catalyst that was the nightmare drink were who the reformed church was, where did Zephrael come from, why was he chosen as this ambassador, and why he didn’t know undercommon but knew abyssal. These are still questions I have to this day LMAO. The nightmare drink vision I possibly overanalyze the most next to Phoenix’s. It stood out due to the fact that it wasn’t, bad. Rae could see again, he saw his father and best friends again, he got told he was going to learn the truth again. Why was this considered a bad thing? Everyone else experienced horrors and regrets yet Zephrael got sorrow. It jumpstarted the part aasimar Rae theory tho. Angel imagery Rae makes me clinically insane I won’t lie and his father having these large wings and bright white light did not help. There’s the big question of what he is and also how he joined the church. Hell, even how he feels about the church as well, truly at least. During one of the hiatuses fandom went crazy and Snail Snailmuds dropped out of nowhere that the runes on Rae’s body weren’t just random but fucking translated abyssal that said “PAIN CHAOS POWER” which first of all goes hard second of all what the fuck.

Theory crafting for Zephrael always feels like climbing uphill and also being constantly shot at cause every time something happens with that man it turns out to be a secret third thing going on oh mygod. Anyways I’ve discussed whether or not he was forced into this church, was kidnapped, born into it, ect because at the end of the day, he seems to very much be a tool or pawn for this church and/or Lolth. Also the whip being an artifact of Lolth or whatever they’re called again I forgot??? What the fuck dude. ALSO HIM SLEEPING IN BATHTUBS????? Grizzly has said this will make sense later but genuinely what the fuck there is something wrong with him. Moving on, revelation about the tattoos comes out and we get the torture episode. Well we get the holy shit they just killed those guys begining and then torture. First of all, I cheered louder than anyone else when Rae actually did fucking combat instead of running away and also the fact he can use his whip. Anyways dumb and dumber torture a guy and first of all the lay on hands to keep him alive during torture was insane and I hope to see it again in anything and it’s also where it’s learned that the tattoos on him were “forcibly engraved” which was honestly brushed off and a lot happened that I think most people forgot but I didn’t cause I’m crazy. Anyways moving on from THAT we get the typical Rae. Dodging questions when Argentum tries to interrogate him and also dunno if he’s just fuckin lying or not when he does actually answer them.

Episode 6 and 7 are where I think Rae slightly pivots. Not really noticeable but he feels a little more, close. It was also a change I noticed with the cast and I think that helped a lot of character dynamics as well. Rae’s stupid beef with Argentum was so fucking funny and I do think about him wanting to heal Sunder before himself after the Bulette because if he heals Sunder, how would that help him. Yes they’re his bodyguard but the monster is dead and it’s not like Sunder can heal him back. It was a decision that I think was the most different for Rae because he was shown to care deeply for Wall but not so much the others as much. He still doesn’t care for the others as much as he does The Wall but I do think he has grown a fondness or care for the others whether he wants to or not. And thats the thing, I could not tell you if he does actually wanna care for them or not. Yes they are allies and help but he seems to try and keep things at a transactional level or how much power it may bring him. He still does but like his dynamic with Argentum seems closer cause the antagonizing feels more like siblings getting on each other’s nerves rather than a growing distance. I think Sunder also displaying that brutality may have put him more into Rae’s good books too. Anyways he read a fucking book huge day. Now he has even worse mommy issues. Ep 7 killed me with hammers but that was spoken about. His relationship with Wall is something that fascinates me though. Rae is selfish, it’s not hidden at all, yet he does seem to care deeply for Wall and almost defends him more than he would defend himself. It’s nice to see for this bodyguard and his charge dynamic but ep 7 spread some light on it and I do think their bond will outlive the will of the Gods but what do I know, I’m not anyone at that table. Zephrael is rude, odd, egotistical but also masochistic and does care deeply when he wants to and you don’t see that kind of character as much I wanna say. He’s my favourite cause his weird gnc swag enraptured me thats all he is post over.

Not actually over cause there’s one last thing. These characters would not be these characters without the wonderful players behind them. Each episode brings out better and better performances that have me actually going crazy over them. I genuinely wouldve had nothing to write about if it weren’t for the fact everyone brings so much life into these characters and loves them so much that they feel so fucking real. They don’t feel flat or simple but very nuanced characters that I love to study and even be wrong about (i actually hate being wrong and every time im wrong i get so ashamed) but Argentum’s flourishes and talks to get out of situations, Phoenix’s wit and holy shit that dread form voice, Sunder during the market fight and then the softer scene with Varic, Wall’s humor and even talking about the more serious stuff, and Zephrael’s ability to balance harshness and endearing at the same time. That’s Hayden, Leizu, Juzo, Ben, and Grizzly and I genuinely cannot fucking talk about the performances enough. I’ve thought about making a post just about it but I fear I just wouldn’t be able to articulate what I wanna say enough. Then obviously it wouldn’t even be possible without the fucking amazing world building and npcs Jonah has provided. Everything is so immersive and I find myself caring for each and every npc we meet whether caring for their safety or caring too much cause I dislike them. Every npc sticks with me and I grow so attached so quickly because they feel so real in this world that also feels so fucking real. It feels like we are just peeking into another world and I actually can’t multitask when watching sow cause I get too sucked in. It’s really hard to do that and I talk about it a lot but never really publicly so I thought I would here.

Anyways for real this time post over, this ended up way longer than I thought it was gonna be so ur a real one if you read this all the way through lol. I’m off to go think about sow merch again as I wait for permission and stuff cause im crazy. See ya later

[wishesfromwithin]

soulmates and stars

synopsis: jason and y/n have been friends for months both concealing their feelings from each other but could they express them if the right date was planned?

warnings:cringey,first writing so may be horrible(sorry!),like 2 swear words, lack of punctuation 😔,tense may randomly change

word count: this is a guess but maybe around 2-3k??

trope:friends to lovers

pairing:jason x gf!aphrodite reader

authors note:hope you guys enjoy!it’s my first time writing so i hope this is okay! happy reading!!💕

———————————————————————————————————————

you walk into cabin 10 after an amazing day hanging out with ur friends (specifically a certain blond hair blue eyed boy) and collapsed on your bed. you were worn out completely after a cool day playing in the lake and now just lay there silently, milling over the events of the day and occasionally blushing when remembering a few conversations with one of ur close friends jason. but the peace didn’t last long as soon you remembered you had a camp meeting that must be attended,and since you got voted for head councillor that seemed to be your job.

slowly but surely you picked each leg up and dropped onto the floor forcing yourself up with the thought of who would be at the council meeting, you chucked on some baggy joggers and a sweatshirt as you weren’t too bothered about ur appearance especially until you got some food in your stomach. god ur were hungry. that thought faded to the back of ur mind when u glanced at a nearby clock and… shit u were late. you rushed out of cabin 10 but was stopped almost immediately by one of ur cabinmates, natalie, asking you about new renovations to the cabin.

“hey y/n, i’ve got some cool colour designs here if you can take a look?”she said giddily. natalie was an avid interior designer who was always trying to trap you in a corner to speak about colour shades and storage compartments.

“i’m sorry natalie” you replied while walking backwards.

“i can’t stay and talk got to get to a meeting, maybe we can chat after tho?” you added, secretly hoping you would be able to avoid her and just go straight to bed.

“okay! i’ll have some new ideas by then anyways” natalie replied

great, you thought silently praying to ur mother that you don’t bump into her on ur way back and promising to speak to her tomorrow

but ur grumbling was quickly ended when you felt yourself hit a hard,tall surface. you turned around swiftly ,mouth open to apologise to whoever you just walked into but it closed quickly when you turned and met electric blue eyes.you felt your heart flutter and could feel colour rising in your cheeks.

“oh hey jase” you exhaled,relieved ur weren’t the only late one.

“hey y/n, you okay?”

“yeah i’m all good!what makes you ask?”

“oh you know, just the fact you walked into me maybe?” jason said with a slight laugh

oh yeahhh, you thought collecting your scrambled thoughts.

“oh yeah super sorry about that”

“no ur not”jason replied, a smirk rising on his lips

“no i’m really not” you say a smile rising on the corners of your mouth.

“wanna walk to the big house with me?” jason asked, a faint pink colour rising through his neck and spreading over his cheeks

“of course i will j, you know me, always late” you replied ur own cheeks flushing hot as you start a gentle walk across the grass, occasionally bumping into each other and feeling a shock of electricity run up your arm.

you find a general conversation topic and speak back and forth until suddenly a thought pops into ur head just at the entrance of the big house

“hey j, how come you were so late today ,your usually soo early?” you questioned,wondering why he was so held up.

“oh i just-i had to- i got carried away with planning something,shall we go inside?”jason said unusually quick.

“yeah…sure”you said wondering why jason was acting weird all of a sudden.

the meeting went quick,just weekly notices mainly but you had to admit you weren’t listening that much as you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off with jason.during the meeting he wouldn’t meet ur eyes and kept gazing out the window. odd you thought, something must be up jason never acts like this? you wondered

after the meeting ended you rushed out the room,desperate to reach the familiar colour of blond hair and soon enough you do. speeding to catch up with his long strides you chase him down.

“wait j, i gotta talk to you” you barely managed to breathe out, out of breath from trying to keep up with his long strides.

“oh hey y/i” he said a quiver in his voice as if he was anxious,

“what’s up”

“the sky” you replied an ever lasting joke between the two of you,

“no but really we gotta talk” you pressed, grabbing his arm gently to slow him to a stop

“okay…” he said staring at your hand against his skin, when you notice him looking at it you remove it but wish you hadn’t.

“are you okay?”you breathe out, suddenly overcome with an adrenaline boost

“i only ask because you wouldn’t meet my eyes in there and you were acting weird before we went in”

jason stared at you for a second before opening his mouth but closing it again with a sigh

after a while he finally spoke, much to ur happiness

“im fine really y/n” he stated with a sigh

“okay,why were you late for the council meeting today then?” you questioned, determined now to get an answer from him even if you didn’t know if you actually wanted the truth.

see the truth was that you have slowly been falling for the blond haired son of zeus ever since 5 months ago, when you started getting to know him better and you started to realise he wasn’t as closed off as others thought and that he was funny,kind and caring in the best ways a person could be, his personality was the one thing you absolutely fell in love with. well, his appearance certainly helped but mostly it was his personality. but you’ve kept your feelings hidden, not wanting to ruin the friendship and resorted to only living your feelings in your dreams.

“i-i” jason stuttered unable to form full sentences

“just tell me!”you said, ur voice pleading as if the answer was going to upset you

jason stared at you again,as if deciding your fate, closed his eyes and whispered…

“i-i was planning to take someone star gazing” he exclaimed slowly as if waiting for your reaction to each word.

“and i thought” he continued, ur heart beating faster than ever “that that someone could be you.” he stated barely a whisper.

oh.

you could’ve have sworn your heart just grew inside your chest. you secretly pinched yourself to make sure this was happening.

it was.

“oh” that was all you could manage to get out through your fantasy.

“i mean you don’t have too, don’t feel forced, it was just an idea” jason whispered, his voice having an edge of sadness in it.

when you didn’t say anything still,jason turned to walk away,head turned to the floor but you grabbed his arm again, this time firmer and made him double back to you. electric shots ran through your body filling you with warmth.

“no no! i would love too! really jase i would” you finally got out, a sense of happiness filling the air around the two you stood

“really?” he said

“really really really!” you nearly shouted back

“cool!”he exclaimed his face lighting up, exciteness clearly visible through his features.

“cool” you replied,a huge smile intruding onto ur lips.

without realising it the two of you had slowly made your way to the front steps of cabin one.

“okay then i’ll see you tomorrow.9pm.the strawberry fields. try not to be late”jason said with a chuckle.

“i’ll try but i’m not promising anything”

jason laughed and then looked down at you for a couple of seconds as if taking in your features.

“okay goodnight then” he whispered

“goodnight”you whispered back and slowly turned on your heel and started your walk back to your cabin.

a sense of utter happiness had consumed you,but most of all you were overjoyed that your dreams were finally coming true.

******

the next day passed slowly, you trained some new campers, spoke about colour schemes with natalie as you had promised and gave various people relationship advice but couldn’t help glancing at the clock frequently to see how much hours were left until your date.you hadn’t seen jason at all that day but thought that was for the best seen as you wouldn’t be able to compose yourself in front of him right now anyways, you were far too giddy .as much as you were excited about this date you had to remind yourself not to get carried away.this could be a friends thing.he may not feel the same about you so no point in getting your hopes up just yet, you kept reminding yourself.

your siblings questioned why you kept fidgeting but you shook them off each time they asked not wanting to get their hopes up for you too and they soon stopped asking.

finally the clock hit 8:55pm, you got up and started walking towards the strawberry fields in a flowery,mid length dress that hung to your body in all the right places. this was it you thought , the moment you’ve been waiting for.

when you first laid eyes on the sight in front of you, your heart melted. there he was, looking perfect along with everything else. a big telescope was placed in the middle of a blanket and he was adjusting it when you walked up.

“hey jase”

“oh hey y/n! your just on time, sorry i was just sorting the telescope out”he said facing the it.

“yeah i thought i would make an exception to my late streak for you, do what you need to, i’m so ready to see some stars tonight! will the sky be clear enough to see them? you asked,looking unsure at the clouds on the horizon.

jason finally turned to look at you and when he did his mouth fell open a little.he stared at your face before he seemed to regain his thoughts.

“wow y/n you-you look absolutely stunning” he managed causing you to blush.

“thanks,you don’t look to bad yourself” you said with a huge grin.

jason stared at you some more before finally answering your question.

“yes it should be okay,i’ve made sure of it” he answered still looking into your eyes

oh yes, you thought of course it will be fine he is the son of the sky god after all.

“come and sit” jason said inching to the right more so you could get on the blanket.

when you sat down,you looked up and saw tiny dots of glitter sprinkled in the sky.

“woah” you exclaimed taken aback by how pretty the stars looked

“i know right” jason said proudly “i found this spot a while ago and have been coming here nearly every month”

“i can’t blame you” you said still in awe “it’s beautiful”

jason chuckled and looked through the telescope, you watched him enamoured by his movements,mesmerised by him.

“this star here” he started “is the arcturus, it means guardian of the bear in greek” jason said, still looking through the telescope but you spotted him glance at you with a smile before he started on a new star.

you two sat like this for a while,him telling you about all the different stars in the sky and you listening carefully truly interested in what he had to say. you watched the stars through the telescope and he quizzed you on what each meant until you could name at least five stars by sight. then all of a sudden you spotted a new star,to the right of you, one jason hadn’t told you about yet.

“what’s this one mean?”you asked, gently swerving to the side so he could take a look through the telescope,his arm leaning against yours now.

“that is perseus and that is andromeda next to it ,their love story was outlined in the stars for all of eternity” he said,glancing at you

“that’s so sweet but so sad at the same time” you said quietly meeting jason’s eyes

“would you ever want to be written in the stars for all eternity?”

“ maybe, if it was with the right person” jason said,now staring straight into your eyes

“j, i’ve got something to tell you” you said surprising yourself and talking quickly so this moment doesn’t ends and your confidence doesn’t drift away.

“this is weird and i don’t want to ruin our friendship, but i think you deserve the the truth” you started, unable to take your eyes from him.

“the truth-the truth is i-ive fallen in love with you” you blurted out, very surprised with yourself

“and i don’t want this to ruin our friendship but i had to tell you before it was too late”

jason stared at you,clearly stunned with your outburst before speaking, his expression unable to be read but his eyes had a glint of reassurance in them.strange.

“too late till what?”he questioned a look of concern filling his face.

“i don’t know,too late before you start dating anyone else i guess”you said ,hanging your head slightly from his short reply.

without realising it the two of you had moved your heads closer and you could feel the warmth of his breath against your cheek.

“eons ago,humans were said to have four arms four legs and two faces” jason whispered staring into your confused eyes “but our pride was too much so zeus was said to have split us in half as punishment” he went on slowly his face inching closer and closer to yours “humans are destined to walk the Earth searching for our other half, for some they spend their whole lives searching but i know right now, i won’t have to search any longer”

when he kissed you it felt like you were melting from the inside out, your lips moving with each other, your hand coming up the touch his blond hair while he gently brushed his fingers against your cheek occasionally sparking you gently .you felt alive, you felt like you were falling but to a happier place.

when you pulled apart, you rested your foreheads against each others looking at each other longingly, a sense of happiness surrounding you.

“that’s the best thing that anyones ever told me” you breathed out

jason chuckled as he wrapped an arm around you and you rested your head against his shoulder as you both watched the stars take over the day and you both sat, the both of you feeling happier than you ever had before.

[lover-of-mine]

Fic Stats Meme

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

I was tagged by @wikiangela and @wildlife4life

I don't have that many published fics so this is probably going to repeat kasoaksoaksa

Most hits: i won't let nobody hurt you: (3k words)

"Hello?" "Hi, is this Evan Buckley?" A voice he doesn't recognize asks and he's nodding as he runs a hand over his face trying to chase the rest of the sleep away. "Yeah, that's me." "We're calling from Durand School because you're listed as a contact for one of our students, Christopher Diaz?" or the one where Buck picks up a sick Christopher from School

Second most kudos: what if one of these days i go and change your name: (2,7k words)

So what? Edmundo Diaz wants to marry Evan Buckley. It's not a new development. The urge just had never been as intense as it is right now as he steals glances at him but it's always been there. And he can't get the smile off his face over the way Buck has his last name across his back and hasn't thought to remove the jacket even though he doesn't need it anymore now that he's out of the building and he's not actually supposed to be working. or Eddie is ridiculously in love with Buck for 2,7k words.

Third most comments: it's i won't let nobody hurt you again

Forth most Bookmarks: This one is a tie.

this surprise ending i’m depending on (could be the story of another us): (3,3k words) (this one is my personal favorite soakoskas)

Buck is on a date. And Eddie is heartbroken. That much he knows. That's not the problem. Well, it is a problem, but not the problem at the moment. The problem is that he's heartbroken in a non-tragic way so he doesn't know how to make himself feel better besides moping around in his living room. no dialogue, Eddie is pining and Buck shows up at his house after a date(this doesn't have a happy ending tho)

tick tock goes the clock: (1k words) (constantly forget i posted this one oskaoksaoksa)

Buck always calls back. The lack of reaction makes Eddie move faster. Scream louder. But nothing changes. The storm is raging. The clock is ticking. or Buck gets struck by lightning. And Eddie is counting down the seconds.

fifth most words: I will never get over you (The 100/Bellarke): (1,5k words)

this one is a spec fic for the finale of season 5 and i haven't looked at it since i posted it in 2018 and almost orphan it every few months, but she's still there. I don't like her tho oskaoskaoskasokaosk

fic with the least words: it's tick tock goes the clock again because she's a tiny thing i wrote in the middle of the night because I couldn't stop thinking about this particular scenario

I genuinely have no idea who to that because I saw so many of these in my dash today, so i don't know, i'm not gonna tag anyone

[old-stoneface]

finally sorted my laundry and found out where all of my work shirts have been hiding from me. i have like 20 random plain colored shirts that i wear to work and that is Way Too Many but i will not get rid of any of them if theyre still in rotation for work outfits. also i did spend about four and a half hours out of the house today in a coffee shop and then in a sitting area at a grocery store, i brought my writing laptop with me and wrote about five pages of my book, around 3k words, so i feel really good abt my progress. i havent been going back and rereading any chapters besides the one im currently writing unless i need to correct a continuity error, but i already know that the first two chapters are going to need a bit of an overhaul because of how my writing style is developing for this story . those first two chapters are straight up exposition and defining background relationships but the way im writing now makes me feel like i could do it all a lot better when i eventually start editing in like six months (i dont actually think ill be able to finish the full first draft in six months but we'll see. its taken me about two months to write the first four chapters tho so it could happen. its almost possible. eight months for a first draft is not insane)

[riverswater]

I wrote 2.3k words maybe I can have some brain back. As a treat <333

[buckybarnesdiaries]

a piece of cake

© @jamesbrnes

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

Something happens at Shuri's birthday party that leads to a heated fight.

word count: 3k words. (fuck, it worth every damn word)

warnings/tags: nsfw, +18!!! angry jealous sex, let's start there. unprotected sex, oral sex (face fucking and ridding), fingering, brief daddy!kink, brief praise!kink, language, cursing, handcuffing, mention of bodily fluids, and probably i'm forgetting something else, i just lost my mind. bucky being the cutest and loving man on earth at the end.

author notes: none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

join the tag list here.

You had never been so quiet, but you knew that opening your mouth only could cause a storm inside the car, on your way back home. Believing you could have a pinch of luck, Bucky wouldn't notice that something was raving you mad since the moment you watched him letting another woman give him a spoon of cake. Straight to his mouth. You almost choked on your drink, talking to Shuri about how excited she was to celebrate her birthday in New York, when you witnessed the scene hearing their laughs and watching how they dared to touch his metal arm constantly. Your boyfriend was talking with some of his old friends from Wakanda, not even knowing he made friends there. He never said a word about it. Even so, they didn't have the right to flirt with him. Unless he didn't say anything about you.

But Bucky wasn't stupid. Or at least, not like you thought. Gazing you by the corners of his blue eyes, he was conscious that something was going wrong. He licked his upper lip briefly, slowly. He tasted the waters putting a hand on your thigh, which was your favorite gesture while he was driving, deriving with your fingers laced and him placing kisses on the back of your hand. But you didn't move an inch, still staring through the copilot's window with your elbow nailed there and your chin resting on your knuckles.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing”.

Your passive tone and the lie as a response caused him to frown, pulling over the car to focus on you. He turned on his seat and placed a hand behind the headrest of yours.

“Spit it”.

You couldn't help but raise an eyebrow ironically, looking at him for a second. If he had to ask it was because he wasn't really seeing the dilemma there.

“I'm just tired and I wanna go home, James. That's all”.

James. James. You did it unconsciously, but he didn't take it as an innocent manner of calling him. Unexpressive, the soldier joined the highway driving faster than he used to. You had pissed him off, but it wasn't your problem. He had hurt your feelings with something he didn't give any importance to. The only thing you wanted was to take a shower, put on your comfier pajamas and go to sleep, probably you'd see tomorrow that situation differently than today and you could move on from your insecurities and the jealousy running through your veins.

You arrived at your apartment in record time, keeping the car inside the parking under the building. You removed the seat belt to wear your leather jacket and grab your purse on your feet, stepping out when you were ready. But Bucky stayed inside, just turning off the engine. He didn't have any intention of leaving it, maintaining his hands tightly gripped around the wheel. You ignored him as soon as you couldn't pretend you were just tired anymore. It was the first time something like that happened and you were having a strong desire to throw your guts up.

Three minutes later you were under the warm water with your forehead resting against the cold wall and your eyes closed. Maybe you were overreacting and the rational, mature behavior would be to go to talk with him, tell your boyfriend what made you feel upset. Sighing as you nodded two times, determined to put the cards on the table, you shut off the faucet and walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.

“Oh, fucking hell!” You growled because of the scare of your life when you found Bucky already in your shared room.

He had his back supported on the wall, a leg flexed, and his hands behind himself. No expression on his face, but expecting an explanation from you. You were hoping for something from him too, maybe I don't know what I've done to make you feel like that, can you give me a clue? He just stared at you in silence, drying the pearls of water decorating your body before wearing a pair of black panties and your forgotten pajamas instead of one of his t-shirts impregnated on his scent.

“Com'ere”. Bucky whispered, stretching his flesh hand on air when you were about to go to sleep.

“No”.

Well, that wasn't the proper way to talk like grown adults. You crossed both arms on your chest, standing next to your side of the bed.

“What'd you say?” He squinted incredulous, slowly standing from the wall, pretending you hadn't uttered that word.

“I said no, you fucking punk”.

“The hell d'you think you're talking to, darling?”

“To the cretin who let other women flirt and touch him”. You replied with evident annoyance. “Why don't you go to show them your daddy's skills, uh? Sure I can find someone who respects me in the meantime”.

Suddenly, a grimace you hadn't seen before on him appeared like a thunderbolt. You weren't sure if you just made him feel more furious or if you just broke his heart. But before you could figure it out, Bucky shorted the distance between both in two fast strides and his hands gripped your throat and the back of your neck respectively, pinning you to the closest wall and tossing the lamp on your nightstand to the floor. You complained slightly —with his tongue wildly invading your mouth— because of the strength he used to put you against the wall.

You tried to push him away, to not fall into his charmings, but he made your mind blank when his fingers were firmly nailed in your ass and his body was accommodated between your legs. Your fiery provoked a bulge under his pants so painful that in every rock against your core he wasn't sure if it hurt or if it was some kind of pleasure he couldn't handle. Out of breath, Bucky attacked your neck, digging his teeth in your neck with so much passion that you screamed delighted his full name while pulling his hair. That gesture drove him insane, losing the less sanity he had at that point. With just a push, your boyfriend ripped off your shirt to strip you, in anticipation of your panties suffering the same fate.

Bucky threw you to the mattress on your abdomen, perfectly positioned to what was about to happen. He was so eager, so desperate for showing you what he was feeling that he didn't lose time taking off his clothes, just undoing his belt and unzipping his jeans to pull them down to his ankles along his boxers. You heard him spitting in his hand to use it as lube, although you were sufficiently soaked and ready for your Buck that neither of you needed his saliva. He rammed his dolorous erection into your cunt, crashing his pelvis and pressing it against your ass with all his strength, causing you to drown a loud cry in the sheets.

Tangling his fingers with yours and lacing your arms around your neck, putting all his weight onto your back, Bucky pounded you with an insanely quick rhythm, not giving you any chance to mold your throbbing walls around his length. Your pleased vocals echoed inside your room in total sync with the hits to your g-spot. Your body received with every one of them soft cramps mixed with pain and pleasure, making you roll your eyes and tear your throat.

“'S that wh— what you wanted, uh?” Bucky snarled against the back of your neck, totally gone, not giving you a break or showing any mercy.

“Fuck, no…” You replied, challenging him.

He swallowed a rough moan, wrapping his cold fingers around your throat while using the other to pull back your hair and arch your body. “Don' fucking… lie to me, doll… You wan— wanted your daddy to make you… feel desired over tho— those women”.

And yes, he was right. More or less. But you didn't expect him to react like that. Bucky was rabidly fucking you, moving the bed from its position with every angry thrust into your pussy. You knew you weren't going to last for too long if he continued impaling you against the mattress, just like that. But you both had to recognize that it was the best session of sex of your life.

“You were… fucking mad watch— watching 'em touch my arm… your arm, right?”

You whined at the brutality he used to push his hard cock beyond your limits, holding it there as he tilted your head to crash his lips on yours. Bucky devoured them until they were shiny, swollen, slightly ached because of the bit he left on your bottom one.

“If you don't tell me… the truth… I swear I'm not gonna let you come”. The whisper fell into your ear with such a raspy tone of voice, conscious of him being very capable.

“It was… your fucking fault, James. Not… Not mine”. You grunted, feeling him going a little deeper. “I di— didn't let anybody flirt with me… as if you didn't exist”.

That was the truth, but the wrong answer for him. Suddenly, Bucky pulled out his dick covered in your arousal, freeing you from any grip. A pause that only lasted the time he took to grab the handcuffs from your nightstand to place them in your wrists and secure them around the headboard. Now you were under his total control, defying him by strongly closing your legs and frowning at him, panting and sweating.

“Lemme tell you something”. Your boyfriend said, dangerously crawling over the bed till reaching your knees and forcing them to be separated, wide spread for him. “If you think I was flirting, but you didn't see… how uncomfortable I was… This situation is not my fault”.

The tables were turned as he finished his sentence, settling himself between your legs yet kneeling to raise your ass above his lap. “Not so mouthy now, are you, doll?”

You wanted to speak back, to say something after having a second to reconsider the reason why you were so angrier at him when Bucky pushed you down and rammed his dick back to the place it belonged. You forced unconsciously your hands gripped, wanting to put them on him —wherever—. As soon as he handcuffed you, your desire for touching him used to be suffocating. But you were the one who played from the start, instead of telling him how you were feeling about that situation at Shuri's party.

Bucky didn't even let you kiss him, stabilizing you on top with an arm around your waist and his cold hand holding the back of your head. His hips rocked straight to your g-spot once and once, making you lose any kind of control over your body as your boyfriend didn't have any compassion, needing to find relief to his sorrowful erection by cumming inside your clenching walls. You were driving him crazy, maintaining your eye contact at all moments and almost drinking your delighted, obscene crying, aware that only him could cause you to be so dirty.

“Feels good, uh…? You like it?” Your boyfriend brushed your lips with his, depriving you of his kisses or any other touch. “Bec— 'cause you take your daddy... so damn good, baby girl… So tight… so tight you could kill me”.

“Yes, da— daddy”. You whimpered nodding your head. “Only you… can fuck me li— like that… Only you”.

“That's it… that's it, oh, fuck… fuck, doll”.

You saw him roll that pair of beautiful blue eyes to the back of his head, feeling Bucky's thighs tensing under your legs. You didn't want anything else than making him cum, after overthinking about how he felt, and not about what you witnessed. He was right, more or less. He was still being so innocent in those kinds of situations that he used to feel like a scared kid.

You suddenly fell back to reality when the emptiness sensation invaded you. Bucky pulled out his length from you again, causing you to beg in silence for not denying you the orgasm you were about to reach. But he warned you. Bucky asked you to tell him the truth and you chose to challenge him. Letting you sit on the mattress, he flexed a leg to guide his twitching cock to your mouth, not needing to tell you what he wanted you to do. You just parted your lips, receiving him without protesting, curling your fingers when he forced your limits, and positioned both hands on your head. Twirling your tongue around his base as you could, with your cavity completely invaded, Bucky provoked you a strong gag. A gesture that led to his warm seed being spilled down your throat.

“Fuck my life, baby girl!” He couldn't help but howl driven by the pleasure as you coughed and made vibrate his sensitive skin.

Just holding his dick trapped by your lips for a second, he freed your mouth, taking his time to admire you swallowing his cum and showing afterward your tongue. God, you looked so beautiful disheveled, with teary eyes and swollen lips because of the effort.

“Want me to tell you something else?” Bucky asked while cleaning the sweat in his forehead with the back of his arm, taking the small key to liberating you with his free hand.

You didn't reply, not needing to, as he rubbed your wrists to comfort your skin before lying by your side.

“Com'ere”. He whispered, yet trying to recover your breathings. Bucky wrapped you with his flesh arm, rubbing his iron fingers up and down your tense belly, creating a contrast that caused you goosebumps. “'M so sorry for making you feel like that”.

He kissed you. Slowly, passionate, tasting his own juices mixed with your saliva. Caressing your tongue with the tip of his, and no rush. You felt his digits touring down your skin, till finding your throbbing and needed clit. You weren't able to hold back a sweet moan when he circled his fingertip over your sensible pearl, gladly drinking your vocals.

“When I wanted to react… she was putting that damn spoon into my mouth. It felt horrible, doll, I promise”. He murmured, venturing his long cold finger to part your folds and sink it inside you —moaning at the fulfill sensation—. “You always save me from those awkward situations… but you were having fun with Shuri and I didn't want to interrupt you”.

You were feeling like shit, looking at him through your eyelids as he curved a second finger into your cunt and increased the pace of the pounds with his hand made of vibranium. Bucky spread some gentle kisses all around your face, ending with a tender bite to your lips.

“When you told me you wanted to go home, I felt a huge relief… 'Cause that was everything I wanted. Go home with you. Maybe watch a movie… cuddle… fall asleep on the sofa”.

“Oh, God, Bucky”. You wept onto his mouth, as soon as a third finger filled you, nailing his hand in the perfect position to be moved up and down. “I'm so— sorry, Buck… I'm sorry”.

“Fuck, no”. He let out, thrusting you harder, faster, creating a melody of filthy sloppy sounds while your moans were louder and louder. “I should stop 'em, I didn't… I didn't. But I respect you more than anything, doll… I love you with all my heart. I care 'bout you, 'bout your feelings… Can you forgive me? Can you… Can you cum for me?”

You nodded your head running out of words, seeing your boyfriend snaking his body down the bed to between your shaky legs, yet having his fingers knuckles deep inside you. “Keep 'em open for your man”.

The blow to your abused cunt provoked you a lash up to your backbone, landing your hands on his head as Bucky sank his face straight to your center. His digits fucked you savagely, while his tongue took control of your swollen pearl —sucking, licking, kissing, pulling it back—. He wasn't going to deny that pleasure to you, quite the opposite. You pressed unconsciously his face a little closer to your pussy, swinging your hips and riding his mouth when his caresses and his pushes became too much for you.

Bucky made you cum harder than ever, crying his name till you didn't have any strength and you were just a sack of bones under his expert mouth, devouring you and drinking your juices as if it was the elixir of life. And when he was satiated, you glanced at him using the tip of his tongue to trail a path up crossing your abdomen, the gap between your breasts, your throat, until kissing you again getting comfortable on top of you. It was a kiss full of love, and guiltiness, and necessity, and pure devotion for you.

“Did I hurt you with what I said?” You murmured, still enraptured by the fireworks fluttering within your belly.

“This isn't 'bout me”. Bucky clicked his tongue, hiding his face into your sweaty neck. “This is 'bout what I let happen”.

“That doesn't answer my question, Buck… I'm sorry about what I said. I was just… I feel insecure". You confessed stroking his scalp and back with your hands, lacing your legs together. “I didn't mean it. I would never try to… find someone who respects me more than you do. That's impossible. And not talking about how much you love me”.

“I love you with every inch of myself”. He swore, he promised, raising his face to look straight at your eyes. “I can't imagine a life without you”.

“Me either… Your love makes me feel alive”.

Bucky left one last tender kiss on your lips before suddenly standing up and holding you onto his arms to carry you to the bathroom and take a shower together —wash your hair, worship your body again as if it was the last thing he was going to do—.

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[faejilly]

Mental health is stupid hard y'all

I am forty-two! I have figured out a lot of things about myself! And yet!

Sometimes that all goes out the window and I'm just!

A potato

(Especially after several years of apocalypses)

BUT ON THE PLUS SIDE, I CLEANED THE FRIDGE TODAY?!?!

(and remembered to get my emissions test on my car, at the very last minute and only because the husband reminded me this weekend, but still! IT IS DONE!)

I have had to reschedule so many appointments that my therapy has been functionally useless this year

(we attempted to adjust my meds at the end of last year/beginning of this year and I got walloped hard and I don't think I have quite recovered even yet?)

I have not been making my bed.

I HAVE ONLY TWO POSTS IN MY #JILLYWRITES TAG FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR (I have posted maybe 3k words to AO3 this year and not written much in the assorted WIP files either and my comments inbox is approaching 300 days old)

I have not done any of the family/medical/financial shit I was supposed to do for children/husband/parents!

I still owe Yuletide a NYR!

for defaulting in 2020 wtf brain

I almost lost one of my jobs because I could only manage to go in for half my shifts! (For no reason beyond my brain going "nope" periodically) Luckily it's a mostly as-needed sort of job and the manager was all: I'm not gonna take you off the list, just check in next year, yeah? Which is very nice of him. So. ❤️

But Still!

I just!

Miss feeling like a person instead of a blob!

Argh!

Talking about it is progress tho, so. Have some venting!

Whee?