#allie was a real one though free my man

[nu-carniviva]

Went into the Kleinmas event hype

Left the Kleinmas event crying tears of joy and with two new ships

Nu: Carnival rots my brain and I'm okay with that

[v-arbellanaris]

one of my favourite parts of dai, which i don't usually speak about, is when you get to halamshiral, and they announce the inquisitor. at least half my inquisitors recruit the mages as free allies of the inquisition, and yet at halamshiral, the inquisitor is credited as vanquisher of the rebel mages, crusher of the vile apostates of the mage underground. sera says 'he's so full of it! that's not how it went.' and it's vivienne who says 'remember to smile. this is all for show, my dear.'

this, amongst many moments, really encapsulates the heart of the story inquisition is trying to tell, and there's a hundred little moments that build towards this story. i have talked before on this blog about the original purpose of the inquisition, in-world, which was both to bring the mages back under chantry control and, if necessary, to recreate a loyal templar order. that is explicitly the context in which the herald is brought into as a character - that is the 'problem' they are to address, the same way the warden's narrative problem is posed as 'there is a blight that needs to be stopped' and hawke's problem is posed, interestingly in a dual-layer kind of way which is both 'i need to keep my family safe and secure' and 'how did we get to this [gestures at the aftermath of da2]?'. the narrative then goes ahead to fill in that story. and even in these stories, throughout, there are so many things building up to the narrative beats in inquisition. everything from the portrayal of the grey wardens as a heroic force in dao and how quickly the origins goes to show the wide depth of perspectives and feelings you can actually have around being conscripted and how the joining ritual - and jory's death - expose the true heart of the order's utilitarian approach, to loghain's status as the hero of river dane and his role in the rebellion and the man he actually is under that mythos, to the entire narrative of da2 being framed around this "champion" who the chantry is painting as a deliberate saboteur and conspirator (with the grey wardens) to bring the chantry and the circles down, to the ameridan reveal in jaws of hakkon, and the evanuris reveal in trespasser. there is so much story and deconstruction throughout the series of the 'chosen one' narratives - each story's protagonist has been a "chosen one" who was never really chosen, survived through chance, and shouldered responsibility for a wide variety of reasons. and their actions become legends and myths that consume any trace of who they really were. and this culminates in an extreme way in dai, because the role of the herald - which is who your pc is before they're the inquisitor - has religious significance, and in-world, andrastianism is the most dominant religion. and the religion is SO culturally pervasive, to the extent there are no governing bodies in the entirety of thedas are secular, and most are andrastian-aligned. even orzammar's belief in paragons and the stone is aligned to a religion, even if it's not andrastianism - atheism and secularism is something entirely unthinkable within a thedosian society. so of course the impact of the herald of andraste is different to the hero of ferelden or the champion of kirkwall.

but i think it's disingenous and outright insulting to insist that this was done well, or with finesse, or that the narrative tools used to convey these themes should somehow be overlooked in light of the mere presence of The Theme in the Narrative. i've spoken before on how often the writing in dai doesn't want you to think - it removes the options to argue, to present you with a statement that is The Objective Truth, as though if enough of your companions repeat the statement, it will become true. and i, myself, and plenty of people in the fandom - particularly people of colour - have been vocal about the implications around the framing of these Objective Truths, when you consider the real life analogues that these Truths are drawn from, by bioware's own admittance. that's not even touching the inherent problems with the narrative push of "imperialism is better than chaos". therefore, i cannot and do not understand responses to criticisms of dai that essentially come back around to "well, you have to understand that the dai pc is not written to be a leftist, they're written to be a centrist" - inquisition, especially, rewards conservatism specifically, as a first point. as a second point, why would having an option to have a pc with leftist or progressive views - not just progressive for thedas, but progressive according to modern values - take away from either the deconstruction of chosen one narratives or the idea of losing your identity that's pervasive throughout dragon age as a whole?

i have spoken to the blank-slate feeling to the inquisitor as a deliberate writing choice, one that people suggest is actually feeding into the themes of dai, but i argue that it's actually a deliberate writing choice so that new players come in without any opinions or experiences of the world at all, and thus become more primed to accept Objective Truths from the companions. thus, criticisms -- certainly mine are -- around the lack of options to argue with your companions stems not from wanting to be right, but from being allowed to have a different opinion. how does having a different opinion to what's publicly acceptable, or desirable, actually not enhance the themes of identity loss in dai?

yes, you cannot decide that your warden does not become a warden - but you live through the experience of becoming a warden, to show why it's necessary. you are allowed to have complicated opinions about being a warden, and act based on those opinions. yes, you cannot choose to not play as hawke, but you can choose exactly what kind of hawke you want to play - someone pro-templar, or pro-mage, or someone who starts out at one end and comes out of it the other end, someone who values family or money or status and prestige, someone who is funny or diplomatic or violent. you have a choice. and when the inquisitor doesn't have any background at all, there is no justification for why the inquisitor needs to be a centrist, or why they would be one. my circle mage pc could have been part of the rebellion. my cadash could have been someone kicked out of orzammar as a child or someone who lived in dust town before they got to the surface. the lack of backstory for the inquisitor, similar to the warden or hawke, actively weakens the story - how do you write a story about someone losing their personal identity to their growing myth/legend, when there's literally nothing that is ever establishing what they've lost? how do you write a story about someone losing their personal identity, or being subsumed by their role, when there's nothing to indicate their personhood? how much more jarring would it have been to have been proudly and loudly and unapologetically pro-mage and pro-rebellion the entire game, only to get to halamshiral and be called vanquisher of the rebel mages? all of your personal politics and values disappearing and smoothed over in such a visibly visceral way? how much more gutting would it have been to have these values, and speak to them, and argue for them articulately, and still never be able to change your companions' minds, instead of constantly being put in a position where your companions get the last word in on absolutely everything, right down to arguments about slavery with dorian? how much more intense would it have been to have had a wide array of options in dealing with main quests and situations, only to have it boiled down to one thing or one of two decisions, with all the complexities stripped from it? how can you say that being forced to be centrist as the pc is central to the story being told, and not something that actively hampers the themes dai is trying to draw on?

i especially don't know how people can insist to overlook how - as in the methods chosen here - bioware's writing team in dai pushes the deconstruction of the 'chosen one' narrative that is present throughout dragon age. inquisition choses to do this by doubling down and retconning and two-sidesing every single complexity under the sun - from suggesting mages oppressed themselves by rebelling/not every mage even wanted to be free of the circle (while offering limited voices otherwise, and making sure to clarify the voices calling for mage freedom are Evil and Bad), to blaming the dalish for being slaughtered by the exalted marches in the dales, right through to the decision to make ameridan a dalish elf and yes even the decisions made around the writing for the evanuris. and we have to be clear about it, that if the overarching themes of dragon age are deliberate, then this was also a deliberate writing choice, to further emphasise the idea that history is written by the victors, that stories warp and change over time, etc etc. the series' successes in storytelling have been around the subjectivity of absolutely everything; there is no objective truth in dragon age, there is something that happened, and then there is 50 different opinions about it. the codex entries are not objective truth, they're biased reportings from people with agendas and pre-existing beliefs and notions. you can live through the battle of ostagar, and there are still 50 different perspectives on it, and all of them valid from that person's standpoint. inquisition takes a hard swerve from this, to insist on Objective Truths, not because it was the best way to make their point - they've been making their point with subtler storytelling for years - but because it's lazy, racist, colonialist writing. and worse, still, is that this writing is then forced as Objective Truths to you, the player character, with no way to argue even when you have the knowledge, or your pc could reasonably be expected to have the knowledge to counter this information, or to even argue about the interpretation of the "Evidence" you find of these Objective Truths.

and i suppose, if it's not your stories and histories being co-opted, it's easy enough to say having those choices don't matter to the overarching theme. i suppose, if it's not your religions or cultures being borrowed and frankenstein'd into this fictional world and the religion and culture you do identify with are primarily portrayed as inherently correct and superior in a way you were never taught to question, it can seem like questioning those beliefs and opinions in your companions and in npcs is a waste of effort. it's not, but i can see how it might feel that way.

inquisition itself, as a game, does not simply deliver a theme - the narrative tools used to deliver that theme throughout the story are frankly abhorrent. on top of that, key decisions in the plot have little to no immediate, serious consequences (for example, siding with the mages or templars only really has narrative consequences for who you face at fall of haven and in the temple of mythal; there are almost no consequences for kicking the wardens out of orlais; etc etc). companion character quests revolving around whether or not to change and strive for better, or to stay with their old regressive patterns have absolutely no narrative consequences because the world re-sets to status quo. 2/3rds of your choice for divine essentially reinstate the old systems, and only one (vivienne) actually makes any systemic changes to those systems, and the game mechanic itself is incredibly slanted towards choosing the divine that brings everything back to "normal". all following mentions of the media neatly dodge the question of whether you have made any lasting change at all. all to push the narrative that change isn't really possible, because society will always go back to the status quo. and if you try to challenge that status quo, you will just make things worse, so it's better to just stay as it is. nothing matters, no change is permanent, and anything you try to do, people will warp for their own agenda anyway, because you are not you anymore, you are a caricature people will use to justify the way things are and insist it is how it must continue to be.

which is a stupid hill to die on, if you're going to defend the ways inquisition tells its story. even trick weekes themselves find it a trite and bleak storytelling mechanism. when even bioware itself is going "our next narrative will Not be that" - will even be the opposite of that, that it's bullshit not to try to change things at all - it's as good as an admission that the ball was dropped on that in the previous installment.

anyway, i just think it's actually incredibly disingenuous and insulting to address criticisms around narrative framing and the limitations of character responses and choices in inquisition as if its overlooking the story's themes, or somehow missing the point that has been staring us in the face since origins. we know the themes they intended to convey. that still doesn't mean inquisition satisfactorily delivered. which i frankly think even bioware themselves recognised and are actively trying to do better in for da4.

[lostryu]

i need gay rights because literally not a single self-proclaimed cis/het 'ally' understands the alienating experience that comes with being the only gay person in the workplace.

i am a gnc butch lesbian. i use he/him pronouns. when i came out to my manager regarding my pronouns (i had been an open lesbian since the moment of my hire), she told me that she supported me, but she could not enforce or ask our clients to use the correct pronouns for me. she told me it was something i would have to learn to deal with. she never uses the correct pronouns for me unless a person from a different department (who also happens to be LGBT+) is present. she is our HR in addition to manager.

none of my coworkers in my department ever remember to use my pronouns. if i remind them, they go over the top with the "im sorry's" and the "im still learning" and "you know i try my hardest's!" and "i swear im not homophobic!", it has been over 6 months since i came out. if i say nothing, they continue to use she/her (unless that other lgbt+ person from the other department is present, then they miraculously get it right).

sometimes they call me 'girl'. they always flounder and correct to "man-boy-uh youknowwhatimeanright". they laugh it off. they never bother to ask what terms i am comfortable with, or if i even cared in the first place. they don't care about my gender, they never bother to ask. somehow the subject gets changed every time i try to tell them, or set a boundary.

once in a while in a slow shift, the conversation will hop to our dating lives. somehow, it always jumps to how men suck and how dating a woman must be so much easier. they wish they could be gay and not straight. every time, they'll stare at me expectantly, like i am an animal at the zoo. no matter what i say, positive or negative, i must be lying. i cannot be that happy in my relationship, or if i have any issues, they must be minor. if i say 'why don't you try dating a girl then' to their remarks, they'll laugh, say something like "there is no way i possibly could" with that special tone of disguised disgust.

i am a prop, at work. they tell me about how much they love their kids. how they could bring anyone home and they wouldn't care. "they could be black, brown, or purple," they'll say "it could be a woman or a man! I support gay rights!" Then they will talk about how hungry they are, and how they will be going to Chick Fil a for the 4th time this week. 'as a treat'. it is thursday. they talk about going to Hobby Lobby again for christmas decorations, or another sale. sometimes i think i can taste blood.

its june. they talk about the pride parade and how excited they are to see the queens and their 'funny costumes'. they talk about how fun it is to go and watch, how they like the free things the corporations hand out. they don't want to bring their younger kids though. they're not old enough. they do not know that the first pride was a riot. they do not know what happened during the AIDS crisis, how many died. they don't really care when i try to tell them, they'd rather focus on the fun parts of the parade. the spectacle.

i wear a pronoun pin, to make it easier. still somehow no one can get my pronouns right. a client notices it. commends me for "being brave" and "coming out." she never uses my correct pronouns. i stopped wearing the pin after the 11th person asked me if my name on my name tag was my real one, and after the 45th person went out of their way to use incorrect pronouns every sentence. my manager, the HR, did not care.

i need gay rights, but somehow everything got resolved when they allowed us to marry in 2015. to our allies, the work is done. somehow i am left more alone than when we started.

[iwritefandomimagines]

SWEETHEART — ARTHUR PENDRAGON

masterlist

→ pairing: arthur pendragon x princess!reader

→ description: as a child, you had spent countless summers in camelot, your whole youth characterised by infatuation with arthur pendragon. though the feeling was mutual, your responsibilities as princess of your own kingdom meant that you had not returned in years. arthur had always held hope that one day you would reunite — but when you do, news of your betrothal leads him to believe he may have lost you forever.

→ warnings: angst at first, happy ending!!, merlin being a little shit stirring prat (who i adore).

“So this is the Princess Y/N we’re talking about here?”

Arthur scoffed at his friend’s teasing grin, rolling his eyes at the way Merlin’s arms crossed over his chest.

“The same Princess Y/N with whom you’ve been in love for… quite possibly all of eternity? Who you’ve spoken of constantly since we met? Who you’ve not seen in years except for in your dreams?”

“Alright, alright, Merlin,” Arthur warned, “Yes it is that Princess Y/N. And you’re not to say a word to her. I have waited a long time for this moment and you will not ruin this for me.”

Merlin smirked, uncrossing his arms to raise them in a show of surrender, “I won’t, I won’t.”

There was a moment of silence — Arthur pausing to heave in a deep breath as it dawned on him that you really had just arrived back in Camelot.

It had been almost five years since he had seen you.

Your father and his had been close friends and allies since their own childhood, and so you and Arthur had grown incredibly close.

Too close, perhaps.

You were his first love, and he yours, and having given each other all of your firsts you had both assumed that one day you might wed and rule both of your kingdoms together.

Instead, you had not been back in so long that he had begun to fear you never would.

As the only child in a rare kingdom accepting of a female heir, you had been in training to become queen upon your father’s death since you reached 17.

As a result, you’d not had the free time to visit Camelot, much to your dismay. Arthur too hadn’t been able to visit you, and so contact had ceased entirely as you went about your busy lives.

To say you missed Arthur was an understatement — he had been your absolute world.

From the days of chasing him through castle grounds and giggling under tables, to the days of lovelorn stares and stolen kisses, the arrogant prince would remain the love of your life for as long as you would live. You were certain of that.

And to now be returning to Camelot after all of this time, you were utterly terrified — even more so given the news that you were returning to share.

As soon as you caught sight of Arthur amidst the throng of knights your heart raced impossibly fast; Faster even than it already was at the thought of seeing him.

Now, it was real.

“Is that her?” Merlin pointed a finger directly at you, causing Arthur to twist on his heel and spot you and your guards (though not before grabbing Merlin’s finger and twisting his arm for daring to point at you).

Your pace quickened as you watched his eyes widen, and leapt straight into his arms when you reached him, though you knew this was not something you should be doing in public — even if you were tucked away where only the other Knights of Camelot (and Merlin) could see the encounter.

“My Lord,” you beamed, pulling back from the embrace to take in the sight of the man before you. A man still just as perfect as he once was.

“My Lady,” he smiled, his cheeks rosy as the sound of your voice washed over him still, though he would claim it was due to the cold, “I—I almost fear that I am simply imagining you or that it cannot possibly be you.”

You giggled, biting your lip as you felt his eyes linger intensely on yours, “It’s me, Artie. The same old Princess Y/N/N. Could we talk, perhaps, in private?”

He quirked his brow as he looked down at you, before nodding and leading you elsewhere. You noticed what you assumed to be his servant following close behind, but Arthur dismissed him with haste and he hovered seemingly just out of earshot instead, “Don’t worry about Merlin. I’ll introduce you after.”

You grinned nervously, still taken aback by even being in his presence.

“Little has changed, I see,” he laughed, before leaning to whisper, “You are still as beautiful as ever.”

“Unfortunately, Arthur, that— that’s why I am here,” you frowned at the ground, refusing to catch his eye again, “In fact, a lot has changed.”

“What do you mean, my love?”

“Arthur I—, I—, I have come here to bestow an invitation upon you.”

Arthur’s face twisted in further confusion, a frown set on his face as your words worried him, “An invitation?”

“To my wedding,” you gulped, watching the colour drain from his features as you spoke the dreaded words, “I am to be married in a fortnight.”

Arthur took a step back and you could now no longer feel his breath fanning across your face. You had waited an age to be reunited and to be doing so on these terms was agonising.

“This must be a joke, Princess. Tell me it’s a joke. Please, tell me it’s a joke?”

The tears that had been pricking at your eyes fell freely now as the weight of your confession crashed down upon you.

You would never love a man like you loved Arthur — it was an impossibility and you knew it. Your betrothal was merely the result of your father’s ill health and the influence of your fiancé - his closest advisor.

You were all but trapped in this engagement, and you had to make that clear to Arthur.

Your father had intended to send his Knights to invite the Prince and King Uther, but you had insisted upon breaking the news yourself.

Some small piece of you hoped that Arthur would object so profusely that he would instead beg for your hand — because you knew your father’s love for Camelot might outweigh the influence of Lord F/N and he might change his mind.

But you feared that this was merely a pipe dream, knowing that Arthur’s pride might in fact act as a barrier to his honesty.

He had missed you immeasurably too, of course, and Merlin’s prying eyes and ears couldn’t let Arthur be so silly. He might know Arthur to be a prat, but he wasn’t about to let him waste his chance at getting you back.

Besides, he knew he wouldn’t be able to cope with the moping.

“Arthur, I’m sorry—,”

“Who is it? Who is he?”

“I don’t—,”

“I must know.”

“It— I— I am to be wed to Lord F/N…”

Arthur’s face almost seemed to wash with relief for a moment, before the former strained expression returned. Sure — he could assume you weren’t in love with your betrothed, but regardless you were getting married to a man that wasn’t him.

“Is this a strategic marriage, would you say?” Trust Merlin to interject so impertinently and at such an awkward time.

You looked taken aback, perplexed by the servant boy’s apparent lack of manners, “Excuse me?”

“Apologies, my Lady, but I only ask for the Prince’s sake because I fear he won’t, and I know he wants to. Desperately, actually,” the cheeky grin on his face and Arthur’s wide eyes told you this behaviour was not unusual of him, “Is this marriage purely for the sake of your kingdom, then? Or a love match?”

Of course he knew the answer. It was clear as day — every bordering kingdom knew of your father’s declining health, and of Lord F/N having worked his way up to become his closest confidante.

“Artie— You know I love my father dearly,” you were practically pleading with him as you began to answer, addressing him instead of his servant, “And he cares for Lord F/N. I do hope that one day I might love him. Until then… Well, you have to understand that I have no choice.”

The frown on Arthur’s face was an agonising sight for you to see.

“I’m surprised there was no marriage alliance between your kingdom and Camelot, my Lady,” Merlin continued, still smirking, and Arthur elbowed him in the side, “Ow! I’m just saying… I’m sure the King would have obliged. His heir, wedded to a woman who will also be Queen in her own right. Two kingdoms so aligned. More power. Seems a no brainer to me. But eh, a wedding is a wedding to me! Even if it should be Arthur you’re marrying.”

Arthur looked distraught by Merlin’s outburst.

You couldn’t figure out what to say.

“Right. Leaving you to it. I’ll be just over there.”

Arthur shooting daggers at him had clearly finally hit him, and he scampered off, leaving you and Arthur staring intensely into each other’s eyes.

“Do you think…” you began, your voice barely a whisper as you looked down at your feet for a moment, “Do you think that he is right? Your servant? Do you share his belief that our fathers would agree to such an idea?”

Arthur fought the twitch of a smile threatening to erupt on his face now that you’d expressed even the slightest hope that that could be an option for you.

“I do,” he nodded, capturing your hands in his as he spoke, “And I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t hoped I might have the chance to propose that while you were here. I’m not the childish boy I once was — well, for the most part — and to marry the woman I love as well as strengthening my kingdom? I can think of nothing I’d like more.”

You tried desperately to suppress the butterflies in your stomach at the sound of the words “The woman I love.”

“But would King Uther agree?”

Arthur scoffed, “My father despises Lord F/N, the meddlesome bloody fool. He would have us married today if it pushed that man into obscurity. He’s the reason our kingdoms have become so much less closely allied in recent years. Our fathers rarely see each other because of his interventions.”

You gulped, taking stock of what he had just said and pondering what this might mean.

“And that’s the truth?”

“Would I ever lie to you, Y/N/N?”

At this you sighed — you knew he wouldn’t. You knew he was always honest with you, even if you were the only person who ever had the fortune of being graced with this honesty.

You glanced around you, acknowledging that nobody was looking but your guards, and pulled him behind a wall nearby into the quiet of where Merlin had previously been lurking.

Your hands found his jaw and you tiptoed to kiss him, breathless at the spontaneity of your actions. He was quick to kiss back (and as good of a kisser as you remembered!) and before you knew it he had your back against the wall and deepened the kiss with parted lips.

You were like this for a few moments, before you placed a hand on his chest, feeling the fast thrum of his heartbeat, and shot him a beaming smile.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Where might we find your father?”

———

ok so i had so much fun writing that !!! i hope you enjoyed, i could make this a two parter if anyone would want? (either about them discussing w uther or about the wedding itself? please let me know if you’d like either of those!)

requests are still open as i’m finally back writing, but in the meantime here is my masterlist!

[spideytiger]

Okay so mass amounts have people have asked me to explain further about non-verbal phantommy (2 people). So I've decided to divulge further into this hc and why I think this would be canon and real if we ever got to see him.

Reason number 1: ctommy definitely has brain damage. He was beaten to death once by cdream, and beaten to near death earlier in the pit by ctechno. Both infamously strong figures on the dsmp. Plus, on doomsday, he was struck by lightning; though many debate how canon that moment was. But to put it simply: my mans has serious brain damage. It's impressive how much he retains post revival. It wouldn't be out of the question that his brain damage caused his ghost to be non-verbal, not having the real capacity to form words or sentences.

Reason number 2: Using other ghosts as examples (mainly ghostbur, a bit of glatt), we see that the personality of their specters, vs the people they are derived from are vastly different; opposites, even. alivebur was erratic, and to most, downright unlikeable towards the end. But ghostbur was predictable, and I feel a lot of the community, and canon characters, mourned the loss of ghostbur more than the loss of alivebur. Another example we see is glatt; though less from him. cschlatt, like him or not, made memorable speeches, ones that terrified enemies, and brought pride to his allies. But, looking at glatt, we see him reduced to something far different, similar to a pokémon, unable to say anything but his own name. If we apply the same "opposite" logic to phantommy, then what people remember as the loud and brash Tommyinnit, being reduced to a mute ghost, doesn't seem too out of the picture.

Thats all I have to say to defend this hc! This was a lot more than I thought it would be, but do enjoy (I hope). Feel free to add onto the hc if youd like or ask more questions but thats all I've got.

[jenyifer]

So bad news I may started writing a fic for SVSSS. Now will it be poly like my only friends fic? Ehhh??? Probably not *squints* maybe. 🤔 anyways thought I’d share incase there is already a fic like it or if people won’t enjoy it. Came up with the idea as I thought about how LBH is SQH’s self insert as an author it’s easier to put a lot of yourself into the main character. Yeah it’s an idealized sexy man meat mountain of a man but I think the chaotic clingy curly hair comes from Airplane. So I thought welll what if SQQ is an idealized version of an older student bully who was cold collected things Airplane had a big fat gay crush on which is why he wanted his self insert to be changed by SQQ and kill him.

So just a simple not so simple reversal. MBJ and LBH are friends irl. LBH unknowingly reads and simps for the universe MBJ writes in his free time. The plot of (yet to be named web novel) is more about demon emperor SQQ solving mystery’s and crisis by being intelligent and alluring he’s also overly powerful with his ally Northern King SQH who is chaotic and resourceful. Most people ship SQQ and SQH together even though the romance elements in the webnovel are few and far between and usually some unobtainable one night stands with the villain or tragic woman who will be killed the next day. LBH loves SQQ has all the merch. LBH finds out MBJ is the writer after he reads the latest chapter where SQH is cursed with demise under his skin making him weaken to be a shell of his demonic self. The dialogue between SQQ and SQH is creepily reminiscent of the conversation LBH had with MBJ when LBH had revealed he is dying because of late stage cancer. Of course SQQ is prepared to do anything to save his best friend sacrificing who he was because their friendship means more than the demon empire or SQQ’s morals. SQQ sacrifices his demonic energy to save his friend. Accompanying this chapter was an extra of a clumsy drawing saying this is what the ice king’s original drafts of the characters for the artists. LBH couldn’t help but notice how similar his characteristics are to SQH curly hair terribly thin and short while radiating power through his crazy expression and SQQ was tall and stoic and LBH is horrified to realize his best friend MBJ sees himself this way tall with straight hair with an aura of superiority. When LBH confronts MBJ about the webnovel MBJ who is normally silent and a shut in exclaims that of course it’s his novel. MBJ wanted to dream about a world where they could go out and have adventures together was that such an evil thing? LBH shouts that in this reality he’s going to die and what will MBJ do then. Everything shifts into a portal and they are brought into the webnovel. LBH a half Demon hiding his identity on one of the peaks a student under MBJ who is a peak lord. They decided if they are there they might as well find SQH and SQQ for plot reasons. Haha anyways idk if I can write something like that since… I have to work…. Also the cancer thing might be too real for me (I think it’s been 15 years since I lost a close friend to cancer) But I want to write it 😭

[justallihere]

THE WAY YOU JUST DROPPED THE NEWEST CHAPTER OUT OF NOWHERE?????? EXCUSE ME ???? I was literally bored out of my mind and ignoring work responsibilities and then you dropped this? It was divine intervention.

so many thoughts so please bear with me

I appreciate how succinctly you wrapped up the Tecarus/luminary conversation. We don't need to spend unnecessary time reading more about him and his annoying niece (Cat not Syrena)

Drake fucking with Xaden has got to happen more often. I have this plot in my head, that Drake will just be "innocently" talking with Vi, and Vi knows what Drake is doing but plays along with it bc it annoys Xaden. Drake feels like that annoying older brother that just wants to fuck with the younger siblings in a good-natured way

Love me some DrakexMira moments... or well Drake staring at Mira and her not giving him the time of day. That's one of my favorite tropes ngl.

Xaden is so open and free with his smiles around Vi and I am equal parts disgusted and happy for him. I love and hate them your honor!!!!

IM SO GLAD WE GOT A SLOANE/DAIN MOMENT. Ngl I forgot abt them but when I read that part, I remembered the bit that didn't make it where Sloane was ogling Dain fighting Cam. man has a TYPE!!!! Poor guy likes her and Sloane is being a bit of a tsundere (idk if you know that term but she's being hot/cold)

I'm imagining the affronted/scandalized look on Vi's face when Xaden didn't share the tea about Dain+Sloane, meanwhile, Xaden just wants to kiss the shit out of her. I HATE THEM SO MUCH

Question: Did they have to imbue the wardstone like they did in canon, or was this assumed that it happened in the background (correct me if I'm wrong about my canon knowledge 💀)

Let me tell you, when I was screaming at poor Vi in canon when she skipped around in Warrick/Lyra's journals (I don't blame her, shes like what 21??? and stressed out her mind and everyone is also like in their early 21s) BUT I'm glad that in SITQ she started from the beginning.

The way I audibly GASPED when the guard was like "your mother is here". I was literally thinking a minute before, when the venin was threatening Violet, that theyre going to use her mother to lure her out (not that, that isn't in the realm of possibility) but I was worried for Liilth's health and safety after that threat. BUT MAMA SORRENGAIL IS BACK AND IM HERE FOR THE DRAMA.

I have this fear that Violet is going to potentially pull from the earth to save everyone.... bc that threat from the venin was ominous as HELL, but like that won't happen right?? right???????? RIGHT ALLI????

Questions

So like are we going to see Jack and Nolon make a comeback??? Bc fuck those two but if its for the plot then I guessss I can deal with it (i say this with uptmost respect and lets be real here. I will still eat up anything you post, I'm just being nosey)

are Mira and Bren going to make up? or is that like a background thing?

also will we see more of Mira and Drake (sorry i feel like im being extra nosey this time so just ignore these questions)

I gave a few hour warning this time!! I’ve been editing it for a week and I was over it lmao

Tecarus was a necessary evil for, like, one second, but Violet got what she needed and she wasn’t going to spend extra time entertaining him. And I wasn’t going to spend time writing drama with the fliers 😌

Drake is so FUNNY I love him, he’s an OC basically but if he ends up different in canon than I’ve imagined him I’m going to be irrationally upset. He’s just like “Xaden lighten up dude” and Xaden is going “please don’t ever look at my wife ever again” and Vi thinks it’s hilarious.

Mira has more thoughts about him than she lets on though 🙊 like she notices his attention for SURE

Sloane and Dain are so much fun (everyone say thank you @skyfallscotland for putting the idea in my head). Can’t wait to write more of them!! Violet is so offended though, like this is information she wanted to know?? And Xaden’s like it serves zero purpose?? Let her gossip idk

Re: imbuing yeah yeah that’s a thing for sure in canon, but I need sleep and a beta reader sooooo. . . pretend it happened at some point, I’ll go back later and add something in about that lmao 😁👍🏻

Lilith is back!!!! I have been waiting for Lilith to be back 😩 family drama next chapter, pray for Violet’s sanity. The venin are venin-ing, we gotta up the stakes a lil because we’re almost to the end

Nolon and Jack and their roles are still a bit up in the air, I’m still working out the specifics of what they’ll do. Mira & Brennan and Mira & Drake are also a toss up, but only because I want to write another one shot in this universe from Mira’s POV and I’m trying to decide what will make it on page in sitq and what I’ll save for that

Thank you as always babe!!!

[yanderes-for-everyone]

Title: Dreaming Freedom

Summary:

Jeongmin is a loner in high school being bullied by the Queen Bee, Juhyeon. The two were friends in elementary school before their friendship ended because of Juhyeon's demand that Jeongmin should only be friends with her. Juhyeon uses this "betrayal" to fuel the classmates' insults and isolate Jeongmin in misery. Jeongmin has only one way to escape, through lucid dreams. One day, a mysterious man enters her dreams and offers to help her get revenge on Juhyeon... (webtoon)

Status: Ongoing

My Feelings About It: (SPOILER FREE)

This is another classic...Siyun is a near perfect yandere. He doesn't really start showing signs until chapter 34 (there are currently 121 episodes), but once he does he's amazing. I found this series on webtoon and literally I would always be there right at 9 with coins in hand to buy the latest episode.

I think my favorite part of this manhwa is the development of Siyun's obsession. It feels like he has a good reason to be infatuated with the fl. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I'm totally okay with just seeing obsession without any real build up, but I've found that I'm usually more satisfied when there is. Both the fl and ml are completely isolated and grow to greatly depend on one another; and we get to see that development.

The first 34 episodes of the manhwa establish who the fl is and what she's been through, who the antagonists/allies are, how lucid dreaming works, and give us glimpses of our ml to create an air of mystery. Then, having all of that information, we can truly appreciate why the fl and ml start to connect. From that point on, we see Siyun's attachment to the fl increase; the more he's around her the more he needs her. And as his affection grows, so does his fear of losing her, which causes yandere shenanigans to ensue.

I think this is another manhwa where I think the fl is well written. She is multi-dimensional and isn't just a self insert (though those have their place too.) And lastly, I want to mention that Juhyeon (the "Queen Bee") is also yandere-ish. She's definitely no where as unhinged as the ml, but you still get two yanderes in one.

Overall, it's one of my favorite yandere manhwa and I would definitely recommend checking it out.

Manhwa Rating: 9/10

Yandere Rating: 8/10*

*this means the ml's yandere intensity

[alicentsultana]

Since I have trust issues with HOTD but a lot of trust with you ,I would life to ask ,how would you imagine the whole Alicole buildup for that scene?

We all are collectively trembling about this omg. Thanks for trusting me 🤗🙈 I would need to write a serious scene to express everything, but let's call this a conversational rambling draft

This is a imagine and a headcannon (for those who are coming to look for the rumors)

Ok so let's go with two (ideal) possibilities:

1. Before b&c

I would say they would need to meet after a tense council reunion, or something along stressful and bordering chaotic - we can also talk about the riot scene, though we don't know when that scene will happen.

They would need to spend some time together, so their "free time" would be night as they now are very busy people, it would also need to happen away from Larys Strong, he have an agenda.

If we go more into discussions over political/realm matters, it probably would involve wine and I don't really think it would evolve a openly/overly romantic dialog. But we could enter in diverse matters, including the elephant in the room- Rhaenyra. They could discuss about their feelings and how their story turned out because of poor choices and their involvement with the targs. We know through the delete dialogs that Criston would often flirt with alicent (courtly love! courtly love! courtly love!), so he could do it and also express being displeased with some lord in the council or otto trying to marry her off again, something along these lines.

However, Alicent could be open to it in a very it doesn't really matter doesn't really really matter (AW you will always be famous) and just advance over him, let's test how devoted he is- and yk there's no husband around, but I don't know about his oath, because it will be brought up, but criston is not just a knight anymore, and this man had to ask for lemon cake out of season because Queen Alicent asked him for while she was pregnant, there's nothing he wouldn't do if she simply asks.

"Would you break your oath again? for me, as your queen?"

"I will not fail you."

Hahaha sorry, I had to.

Despite the back and forth I believe they would be rather passionate about it. They deserve it. I think this would fall into your wishes for a slower moment, they would be taking their time.

The outcome of it, however, could result in a fallout (that I think is not the case bc they have a high amount of trust into each other and one time wouldn't break it only leave some thirst and want or would result in religious guilt because b&c will happen anyway.

2. After b&c

I picture it as a "take my mind out of it" or/and a desperate "need you rn", this one would be more idk heavy? Fast? Blood, sweat and tears (figurative blood***)? I'm my own victim. But I believe this outcome would be way more hot and sexy for the amount of feelings. It def would fall into my wishes for no candlelight and clothes in the floor.

After b&c would definitely be more of a fleeting moment, especially if it's only one time/first time, because it will be desperate, but also very dependent, showing how they depend on each other, Alicent has no one but her children, otto don't count much, and others are allies, Criston raised her kids, both saw each other at their lowest, and b&c will be a blow to everyone of them, and he included, he's a grandpa, I take no criticism. So it would be something both of them need, for everything that happens between them.

I like tragedy so I would love to see it happen after b&c, for the raw emotion of it, also, it would result in a much more open and intrinsic need for each other and the deep dependence be more exposed/more real, more noticeable. Alicent would feel guilty anyway, in a should have been grieving but I'm fucking instead, but I don't think it will affect her so much.

Conclusion: in both cases, I don't think Criston will be forceful, simply because he never was to her, he's just her Husky, hers. I also believe that he would incentive her to ask, "you can ask me anything you want and I'll give it to you.", we have seen him as her extension, and how he's just always there no matter what, so I don't think it would be any different in their sex scene.

Oh no, I'll need to write it, I'm sorry for my wips

This pic got me so much I'll glue it on my wall next to saint alicent of the broken hearts-

[cienie-isengardu]

Bi-Han rolled a -100 for intelligence in that scene when he outright told Kuai he let their dad die.

Bi-Han underestimated Kuai's loyalty to him because he must've really thought bragging how cool it was he let their dad die was gonna make his brother revere him. It's surprising given Kuai made it clear he loved their dad and Bi-Han somehow thought admitting he let him die would make his loyalty to him absolute.

I don’t think Bi-Han telling Kuai Liang the truth about their father’s death has anything to do with intelligence or desire to brag.

For me, that scene was Bi-Han’s frustration at its breaking point - the story mode did not present us much of Lin Kuei brothers interaction but even within the limited space it showed that Bi-Han couldn't do anything, not even just complain for waiting who knows how long without Tomas and Kuai Liang constantly talking about their Father and what the man would want from them. And yes, complaining may be inappropriate, even childish for Grandmaster to do, but for all we know Bi-Han just wanted to vent in frustration to his brothers in the privacy only to be frustrated even more by them bringing father into discussion.

And this pattern is repeated during their mission. Whatever Bi-Han will say, be it a remark about glory (a trivial detail) or wish for breaking from the past, Tomas and Kuai Liang will again and again either bring up tradition or talk about what their father would do.

Sub-Zero let their father die for what he thought was Lin Kuei’s best interest and in theory he should be finally free from the man’s influences. Including man’s teaching Bi-Han considered part of the reason why Lin Kuei was shackled and bound to unfair servitude.

Instead, even more than before everything revolved around the dead man to the point Sub-Zero outright asked if their father’s ghost possessed Kuai Liang (and Tomas?).

Because apparently his brothers didn’t have anything on their own to add into discussion - and frankly, they did not provide any real counterargument why Lin Kuei should stick to the centuries-old servitude to Earthrealm that didn’t come down to “tradition” and “father said so” - two things that Bi-Han already was in process or rejecting.

And then, when Bi-Han finally made his mind about allying with Shang Tsung what Kuai Liang did? Of course he talked about father

and I think this was the one too many mentions of father, the proverbial last straw that broke the camel's back. Telling the truth was not part of any great scheme, it wasn’t even about Kuai Liang itself, but it was a moment of catharsis for Bi-Han alone. 

We don’t have an idea when the previous Grandmaster died - Bi-Han could lie to his brothers about that accident for days, weeks, months or even years. The act of letting father die and lying about that burdened him, maybe even trapped more than he was before and Shang Tsung’s offer provided him both an occasion to cut off Lin Kuei ties with Liu Kang and finally to admit what he had done. The catharsis though doesn’t come from the act of admitting committed crime, because Bi-Han had no regrets about that at this point, but because he was so done with lying for Kuai Liang’s comfort and peace of mind...

...all so his younger brother could be safely tucked in his delusion about Lin Kuei’s honorable traditions; that Bi-Han if not loved then at least missed and grieved after their father as he and Tomas did; that they all were the happy family - still family - when Bi-Han’s wish for change overshadowed his sentiments for parent long ago.

I think that scene is just the breaking point of Bi-Han’s frustration - a frustration we were both told by Scorpion (“I knew Bi-Han's frustrations ran deep. But I never thought they could inspire such madness”) and showed in interaction between brothers preceding Sub-Zero’s betrayal. I doubt Bi-Han even planned to tell Kuai Liang truth, especially at this moment, but my guess is he just couldn’t take anymore hearing only father this, father that, again and again and again. Every person has a breaking point and I suspect the last Scorpion’s remark about father and how he would turn in his grave - especially this one about his death - is what made Bi-Han to spill out the truth straight into Kuai Liang’s face, cutting deep with the remark I lied because you couldn’t and still can see the truth.

It was no planned and probably the most sincere Bi-Han’s moment, because finally he was speaking his mind bluntly, finally escaping the trap of a lie he told Kuai Liang and Tomas to spare them from the brutal truth, but a trap that turned against him, because his brothers holded even more stubbornly to tradition and father’s teaching. Only unconsciously increasing Bi-Han’s frustration. 

Did Bi-Han believe that Kuai Liang and Tomas would support his claims? It sounds like a foolish assumption on his part, but I guess he still wanted his brothers on his side (even if the man has a problem with communicating that, I think?). Definitely wanted them more than he cared for father. And well, if Kuai Liang did not bring father in that moment, who knows, maybe Bi-Han would kept the lie alive for much longer?

[nostalgicninjas]

2012 Leorai Rant

there’s so much discourse about whether 2012 leorai is considered incest or not and i kinda wanted to throw my two cents in ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i grew up with the 2012 series, and as a kid, i was a hardcore leorai fan. now as an adult, i’ve become neutral to the ship (though it will always hold a special place in my heart for nostalgic purposes). overall my thoughts/perspective on leorai have changed a lot over the years. i’ve grown to ship them more with other people (‼️ aprinardo and shinirai supremacy ‼️) while still loving and appreciating their canon dynamic. personally, i don’t view their relationship as entirely platonic or romantic. on one hand, i believe leo and karai do love each other like family (the same way all the turtles love april and casey like family) but they also connect on a deeper level that’s too intimate to call them “siblings”. it’s not as black and white as them being either brother/sister or boyfriend/girlfriend. to me, their relationship has so many layers it’s too complex for labels. which is fine because labels are overrated anyway. but that’s just my opinion.

i completely get why some people (especially those with adopted family members) think the relationship is weird, and i also get why some people see no problem with it. at the end of the day, it all depends on an individual’s life experiences or personal preferences.

note: if two people are biologically blood relatives, then an intimate/sexual relationship between them is 100% incest and i do not support or condone such behavior.

in this particular case however, i believe there is a difference between real incest and what society views to be incest. imagine two people have been dating for a while and then their parents fall in love and decide to get married. are they supposed to just turn their feelings off for each other and break up because they are now “technically siblings”? i’m sorry to break it to you but that’s not how emotions work. emotions are complicated. and frankly it seems wrong to try to force two people to think/feel a certain way about each other just because it’s what society excepts. i have always been a firm believer that people should be free to follow their hearts and love who they love. if there is no blood or biological connection involved (or any other illegal factors), then i see no reason why people can’t be free to choose how they get to view a person or how they wish for those relationships to develop. because in this case, love is not a crime.

in a way, the same can be said for leo and karai. first impressions count for something, and leo had already developed feelings for karai long before he found out she was splinter’s daughter. i know most people would disagree, but just because they view the same man as a father figure does not make them obligated to view each other as siblings. just because mikey CHOOSES to view karai as a sister does not mean leo is obligated to view her the same way. same goes for raph and donnie. from what was shown in the series, those two (especially raph) hardly considered karai to be a part of their immediate family, much less considered her a sister. and that’s their right. as much as i’m sure we all wanted to see the turtles and karai come together (and trust me i did too), donnie and raph had valid reasons to dislike/distrust karai and they shouldn’t be forced to brush their justified feelings aside and immediately accept her as a “sister” if they don’t want to. they may view her as an ally/asset to the team, but if they don’t want to view her as family, then they shouldn’t have to (though i’m sure they would eventually accept her in the future; whether or not as a sister or just a distant family member, we’ll never know).

i even once saw someone say that if shipping leorai isn’t incest because they aren’t blood related, then it shouldn’t be considered incest when shipping the turtles with splinter since they also aren’t blood related. that’s a really gross comparison for multiple reasons but mainly;

1.) the turtles are all MINORS and splinter is a grown ass man which is reason enough because W T F

and

2.) splinter has always viewed the turtles as his children and the turtles have always viewed him as their father. for him to suddenly take any kind of sexual interest in them is downright predatory, blood or no blood.

as for the whole “whether or not they share dna” debate, that’s honestly up to interpretation. splinter was never actually seen touching the turtles, so it’s not a canon fact that they actually absorbed any of his human dna when they mutated. and even if they had, the notion that this automatically makes them biological relatives to splinter is actually quite comical. that’s like saying the radioactive spider that gave peter parker superpowers is suddenly his new father. sounds silly, doesn’t it?

overall, i hate it when careless leorai fans make insensitive statements about adopted families, and i also hate it when anti shippers treat leorai fans like freaks just for having a different perspective on their relationship. if you prefer to think of them as brother and sister, then that’s cool. we’re all entitled to our opinions. what’s not cool is constantly harassing fans of the ship and shoving your “sibling” agenda down their throats (and vice versa).

to borrow a paragraph from @orokukarai’s rant:

If the ship makes you uncomfortable, whether it's for personal reasons or you're just not vibing, that's OK. If you personally see it as incestual, that's valid. But going around saying Leorai shippers all like or support incest is not true and there are many valid readings where they're not incestual even if you disagree with them. Some shippers probably do like incest, but then so do many non-Leorai shippers.

in conclusion, respect other people’s opinions. if you stumble across content you don’t like, block or ignore it. no need to comment hate or fill up the ship hashtags with negativity (and that goes for ALL fandoms).

just stay in your lane and keep scrolling ✌️

[skaruresonic]

Do you have any opinion about this post? It proposes that a key element of Shadow's characterization is loyalty, and the reason portrayals like SA2, '06, TMOSTH and Prime are beloved is because Shadow is loyal to something (I would add Forces as well), while others like Boom and IDW fall flat because he's only in for himself.

(some of the tags, of course, are all "sega take notes, everyone gets it but you", which is funny for multiple reasons)

I want to agree with it more than I do. The way it's worded makes it difficult for me to be fully persuaded, because it seems to be missing something.

I feel like the post is a bit over reductive. It's already an exercise in futility to try to boil Shadow down to one or two traits because he contains multitudes, nuances, and subtleties; it'd be like distilling Eggman down to "evil scientist" and then ignoring all the ways in which his manchild behavior molds his character archetype.

The others have limits on their loyalty. Sonic will help you out, but he’s not gonna kill a man for you. Shadow will. He doesn’t have that limit. If you are Shadow’s friend and you need him to kill for you, he will do it. Period.

Idk maybe it's just me but something about this style of analysis rubs me the wrong way. When people make declarative, emotionally-loaded statements about the characters that Sound Good on paper but don't hold up to close scrutiny. If you're going to assert something this lofty, you need to provide concrete examples. When did Shadow kill for a friend in the games? When did he express the willingness? Can you give me an example?

also lmao "Sonic's not gonna kill a man for you," Sonic will absolutely kill a man if he fucks around and finds out While I agree with the overarching idea that loyalty can be an important part of his character, if we're talking post-ARK raid Shadow... You kind of have to be honest about the brand of loyalty he possesses, because his loyalty looks very different from Amy's or Tails'. It's a specific, hardwon type of loyalty. It's begrudging. It's that "Pssh, what? I don't care. Feelings are for wussies" kind of loyalty, if anything. Like, it took Rouge dragging his unconscious ass home, a three-day-long fever dream, and her twisting his arm just to get her to begrudgingly call her "ally." You know what I mean?

On the other hand, I disagree with the notion that an overt lack of loyalty inherently makes him unrecognizable, since self-determination is an arguably equally prominent part of his character. In ShTH, you're just as free to ignore the wishes of your partner characters and go your own way. Cue the Fleetwood Mac.

Framing it as though loyalty is the linchpin on which his character rests risks defining Shadow solely through his relationships with others. Note that I'm not necessarily saying his relationships aren't important, just that they're not the most important. Agency and the right to determine his own destiny are vital parts of his character as well. He didn't just tell Rouge "And I will fulfill my promise to Maria; that's the only thing that matters to me now" in SA2. He first told her "Even if my memories aren't real, it's still me, Shadow."

...I'm not sure why OP decided to include Archie and X in their analysis, considering Archie and X are dead and have no bearing on Game!Shadow's character. Not sure what's meant by Shadow being "loyal" to Amy in MoSTH, either; I don't really have context for that since I didn't play it. If I had to guess, however, methinks OP may be mistaking Shadow doing something kind for Amy for friendship or loyalty towards Amy. You can do kind things for others without necessarily being "ride or die" for them.

This is where the post really loses me. Shadow's backstory doesn't need to be expanded upon at this point in the series; they've already dedicated at least three games and a handful of adaptations to his tragic backstory. We don't need to keep returning to the same well again and again. Surely we can do better than to navel-gaze. And the reasons why "he's like this" ought to be clear to anyone who's played the games, since they're fairly self-evident.

"But what about pre-raid Shadow?" I hear someone inevitably ask. Well, yes, Shadow displays obvious loyalty toward Maria, Gerald, and the ARK as a whole, but certain ShTH endings notwithstanding, it's not a blind sacrificial devotion. Regardless of his loyalty, he exercises the agency not to act like a mindless weapon in the hands of his creator. He possesses reason and more importantly, uses it. He still has enough presence of mind to seek to undo "all the evil the Professor has created" in SA2.

Even before the trauma of the raid and Gerald's programming went and deeply mucked up his sense of self, he was preoccupied with notions of self and identity, for understandable reasons. He wasn't purely a lapdog for Maria or the researchers. I feel like swinging the pendulum in the polar opposite direction and saying "Shadow is defined chiefly via his dedication to others" because it swung too far into "Shadow is a hyper-macho jerk" territory isn't a balanced stance to take.

Like this post is arguing from a Watsonian perspective, as though IDW!Shadow's jerkassness indicates some sort of internal selfishness, when the Doylist "Shadow was just written like shit in the book" will suffice. Shadow has a character outside of his relationships to others, just as Sonic and Eggman do. He's quiet, introspective, and in all honesty, he comes out with some hard-hitting lines sometimes. "This is the final voice of the last war machine," anyone?

Sorry if this reply is all over the place, I'm just writing down thoughts as they occur to me lol. Feel free to add your two cents.

[vaicomcas]

Compliments

That tow-truck driver lady in s10e2 was the luckiest character on SPN.

Why? because she had one nice thing to say about Castiel ( great guy you have there) and did not get brutally killed.

Compared to anybody else who had any kindness or positivity to Castiel. It doesn't matter how big or small their role is.

Yeah, we know: in the show nobody is allowed to tell Cas they love him. But also: nobody is allowed to genuinely admire Cas or show kindness to him. Those who did admire him have to be killed, made villain (and then killed), or shown as "vapid hysterical fans" (such as Godstiel's female admirers who witnessed his miracles; or the angel army characterized as a "cult"). Sometimes they have to be killed by Cas himself, just to twist the knife some more.

Anna, Balthazar, Samendriel, Gadreel, Muriel, Hannah, even Bartholomew and Malachi (they were his enemies but they praised him); Meg, Crowley, Rowena; Kara the Biggerson's waitress who was nice to Castiel in that one scene in "The Great Escapist"; Charlie who thought Castiel was "dreamy"; Cecily, Crowley's NSA spy who thought Castiel was "hot"; Kelly who had faith in Cas.

One other exception of this rule is Gas-n-sip manager Nora who gave Cas a compliment (you are special) but didn't get killed; however she made up for the "sin" by taking advantage of Cas for free babysitting, so she got a pass.

To be fair, most characters on the show got brutally killed. So I'm going to stress only those I think were killed because they were sympathetic to Cas. (therefore I don't count Meg and Crowley because the characters were meant to be killed off for reasons unrelated to their relationship with Cas; or Charlie who was more killed to...actually I'm not sure why, to give Dean some man pain to showcase I guess)

Anna was killed to make the point that Cas would readily go against someone who was important to him to protect the Winchesters.

Balthazar was killed to make the point that Cas was so corrupted and evil that he would kill someone who was his friend.

Samendriel was killed to make the point that Cas was so under control he would kill without intention (but does it have to be the only angel who defended his character?).

Hannah was killed to make the point of the degree to which all angels, even one who loved him, were his enemy because he "chose the Winchesters".

Another observation from this list: those who have been (however briefly) friendly to Cas were mostly in the earlier and mid seasons. After season 12, he was so isolated, he simply had no more real relationship with anybody else, therefore certainly nobody left to admire him and then get killed for it. Writing and killing off a Cas-positive character was too much trouble.

So then, after I tediously re-established what is already known that Cas was not allowed any friends or allies of his own, let me ask: did the main characters, who were presented as his "found family", ever gave him an earnest compliment?

No, I don't count "and you do help, you are always on our side" as an earnest compliment to Cas. It was just telling him his worth was not his own. (Both Dean and Sam had given this "compliment").

No I also don't count "my devastatingly handsome friend", it's just Dean needing to be center of attention when the waitress was into Cas, not him.

Is "surprisingly tough for a nerdy little guy" close to a compliment? No, I don't count either--this was just excuse Dean gave Sam and himself for abandoning Cas injured and comatose in the past (as a result of helping them).

Or is "don't ever change" considered a compliment? No, not taking it either; this is Dean saying, your other version (even though willing to die for me) sucked, but I'm glad this version of you is still useful to me.

Damn, after two years as bitter Cas fan I am still surprised by Dean's awfulness.

I can't think of Sam or Jack giving Cas an honest compliment either. Jack never acted like he admired Cas, only the Winchesters. Sam hugging Cas after Cas healed him in Season 9 was the closest, I guess, but once again, it's about what Cas did for him, not Castiel's own qualities.

It's possible that it happened and I just don't remember it. But if it did, it certainly never rose to the level of what Cas deserved.

[crazyunsexycool]

Is it a crime?

Chapter 7

Pairing: mob boss!Bucky Barnes x mob boss!reader

Word count: 5.7k

warnings: badly written smut, ANGST!, pregnancy tests, pregnancy, mentions of cemetery, Bucky messing shit up,

A/N: I’m slightly sorry for this! Also I’m having problems with links and tagging. For anyone on my current tag list I’m so sorry if you get more than one notification from me for this chapter I have no idea what’s going on with dumblr!!

Series Masterlist

Ch. 6

The rhythmic thump of the music could be felt throughout the building. It was the grand opening of the club and while all of your guests were set up in the VIP section you were still finishing some things up. Truth be told you were slightly nervous. There was no going back and things had been almost too quiet for your liking. But you knew Pierce’s game too well. He would let you have your fun tonight and strike while he thought you would be getting comfortable. So you kept your guard up, especially after Steve had been shot. It had been a whole month since the incident and although the trigger men had been dealt with whoever sent the order was running around free. The red skulls weren’t making big moves either. Just enough to keep Bucky and Sam busy.

A knock at your door has you shifting your focus from your paperwork. You smile when you see the man before you.

“Rocket, you've finally decided to join us.” 

“Yeah Well what can I say? California was treating me right.” He says as he sat down across from you. He had been part of Peter's crew and he was an amazing thief. Although he could be cranky most of the time he was also very sensitive. He was known to go off on anyone that would compare him to a raccoon. But he was short, slightly hairy and had raccoon-like features.

“So I take it the deal is good to go?” 

“Everything is smoothed out with Killmonger. It’s just a matter of giving him the go ahead. Same goes with Everett.” 

“Good. I didn’t want to deal with him, he can be a real pain in the ass.” 

“Maybe it’s the cold weather. Anyway I’m gonna go say hi to the rest of the gang.” He stands up quickly. 

“Wait, I’ll walk out with you,” You say as you get up from your desk.

 Taking the paperwork you had been reading and placing it in a drawer. You smooth out your black dress as you head out of your office with Rocket at your side. He fills you in on his trip as you walk down the hallway but you both stop at the doorway. He heads toward the private section where the rest of the group is and you head toward the vip section. 

The music is deafening once you leave the quiet hall. But opening night has been a success. The vip section is completely booked and the dance floor on the lower level is packed. The lights are low, only the colorful stage lights that seem to dance to the music fill the otherwise dark room. You head toward the booth you know is holding your next possible allies and the people part like the Red Sea for you. The two men you came to see are in a deep discussion, one clean shaven, wearing a Henley and most likely some jeans while his counterpart is in a button down, slacks and has a nicely groomed beard. You smile when you make eye contact. 

“There you are. I was starting to think you forgot about me.” 

“Me forget about you? Come on Drysdale, I know better than that.” You say as you finally stop in front of them. “Barber, are you having a good time?” 

“We are honey, thanks for the invite.” He smiles up at you and it makes you wonder how someone like him ended up in this world. 

Andy Barber and Ransom Drysdale were half brothers and they ruled Boston. Before everything happened your family had deals with theirs. You wanted to negotiate some terms and start working with them again. Andy was the businessman, if you wanted anything to happen you had to get to him and he wasn’t afraid to do the work. Ransom was a bit of a wildcard but he was great with strategies, especially if someone came trying to start trouble. He was more impulsive though he didn’t necessarily like to get his hands dirty. They made a good team.

Ransom stood up, placed his hands around your waist and pulled you into him. He gave you a cocky smirk as he looked down at you. 

“Why don’t you show me that office of yours and we can start the real party.” 

“Drysdale, I have at least three people with guns pointed at you. All I have to do is give them a sign and they’ll shoot, I suggest you let me go.” You say jokingly.

“High risk high reward baby.” He smirked before placing a kiss on your cheek and you laughed as you smacked his chest.  

“Listen gentlemen, enjoy your night. I’ll be back over later and we can discuss terms.” You say loud enough for them to hear.

Andy reaches into his suit jacket and pulls out an envelope. “Here are our conditions.” 

You wink in his direction as you take the envelope before turning and walking away. 

People move out of your way again as you move down to the other side of the vip section. A much rowdier crowd waited for your arrival. You’re swept up in one quick motion and if it wasn’t because you knew who it was, he’d be dead on the floor already. 

“Thor Odinson, put me down.” You said with a laugh.

 He did as you asked but brought you into a hug. He was dressed in a dark t-shirt under a suit jacket and matching slacks. His long blond hair was pulled up into a messy bun and he had the most brilliant smile. 

“How have you been?” His voice somehow still booms over the music. 

“Good, I’m happy you were able to make it.”

Thor grabs his drink off the table and salutes you before finishing it off. “I’m happy to be here and I can’t wait to see what we can do together.” He pulls an envelope out of his jacket and hands it to you. You smile and take it.

“I'll come by later and we can discuss terms, in the meantime enjoy yourself.” You say before wave at his own security, Brunnhilde. 

Thor and his brother Loki, ran Miami. It was a good thing to have them as business partners since they also had some of the best people making their drugs. It was the highest quality and that’s why he was on top of the world. That and as adorable as he looked, Thor was ruthless and no one dared get in his way. 

As much as you wanted to go and join your group in the private area you knew you had to review these possible deals so you head back to your office. You make a mental note to not stay more than half an hour tops, you did want to celebrate. This club was bringing you one step closer to what you wanted to do. 

You weren’t alone for long. There’s a knock on your door before it opens to reveal Bucky. He was dressed in his signature all black suit and button down. You smiled at him but noticed his expression was unusually serious. He looked like a man on a mission. 

“Everything ok?” You ask as you stand to make your way around the desk to lean against it.

His eyes traveled the length of your body, taking in the slit in your dress and the cut of it that revealed some of your cleavage. Bucky caged you in, his cologne was intoxicating. His hands were on either side of you. His expression softened when you smiled up at him but only slightly.

“Not really.” He finally says.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Are you really working with Barber and Drysdale?” 

“Yes, we have some enemies and goals in common. This partnership helps both of those things.” 

He hums as he studies your face. Bucky’s eyes darken as they move from your eyes to your mouth and down to your chest.

“You know with all this red skull bullshit I’ve been so busy I don’t even remember the last time I saw you.” He runs his knuckle back and forth on your cheek before he moves his hand to the back of your neck and pulls you in for a kiss. “I was looking forward to spending some time with you tonight. But imagine my disappointment when I have to watch those two idiots out there put their hands on you.” 

You smirk up at him. “My my, someone sounds jealous.” You reply as your hands run up his arms and stop around his neck. There was something about when he got possessive that turned you on. The thrill of him acting out because of it shot straight to your core. “Is that what it is? Did you want all of my attention to yourself? You don’t like it when other men put their hands on me?” You bump your nose against his.

“I’ve decided to break my one rule with you. Guess I’m going to have to remind you who you belong to.” 

You raise an eyebrow but you’re thrilled at the possibility of finally being with Bucky. He takes off his suit jacket and tosses it behind him. Then he grabs your hips and lifts you so that you’re completely seated on the desk. Excitement and need pools between your legs at the heated gaze Bucky sends your way as his hand disappears under the slit of your dress. You part your legs willingly for him and he rips off the panties you had been wearing and pushes your dress up. 

You gasp when you feel his fingers move through your already glistening folds as he gathers your slick.“So wet for me already baby?” He brings his fingers to his mouth and groans as he cleans them off.

“Just as sweet as I remember.” His thumb circles your clit slowly and you moan. “Do you remember how good I made you feel? How good you were for me?” 

“Y-yes, Bucky please.” You beg, your lips against his. “I wanna feel you.” You say before you kiss him and taste yourself on his tongue.

“Don’t you remember? I gotta get you ready first.” 

Bucky pushes one finger in and curses under his breath when he feels you clench around his finger. He takes his time as he begins to pump his finger before adding another and moving a bit faster.

“Oh fuck.” You say as you hide your face in the crook of his neck. “Please, I’m so close.” 

Bucky picks up his pace and flexes his fingers until he finds your g-spot. Your eyes roll back when you hear him whisper in your ear. “Come for me.” You do just as he says as you moan his name. 

You’ve barely come down from your high when you hear the sound of a belt being undone and then a zipper being opened. Subconsciously you lick your lips as Bucky pulls himself out. You forgot how big he truly was, when you look up he’s smirking down at you.

“I swear if you-“ you are interrupted by Bucky sliding his hardened length through your folds, the head of his cock hitting your now sensitive clit. It sends a shiver up and  down your spine every time he does it.

“Are you ready for me?” 

“Yes, fuck me already!” You whine. Your grip on his shoulders tighten as you finally feel him push in. The stretch is delicious and you throw your head back as the pleasure of being with Bucky consumes you. His lips settle on your neck as he kisses and nips at your skin. With his free hand he pulls down the top of your dress. His lips close around your now exposed nipple, his tongue swirling around your pebbled peak. You both groan when he finally bottoms out. “Please move.” You beg after a moment.

“Fuck, just give me a second. It’s been so long since I’ve had you like this.” 

His words hit you square in the chest and the mood shifts from a quick fuck to something deeper. You pull him down for a kiss less driven by possessiveness and more by love and the reality that you can be with each other. Your fingers work quickly to unbutton his shirt before you start kissing his neck and move down to his chest.

“I’ve missed you so much.” You whispered as your hands traveled over his now exposed skin. “I love you.” Your fingers run over some of the exposed scar tissue on his left shoulder and you press delicate kisses on the area.

“I love you too baby.” Bucky says before he rolls his hips. “You feel so good around me, just like I remember.”

He kisses you again not caring that he is ruining your lipstick. It’s all moans and soft touches but the pace he sets is fast and hard. He groans when you clench around his cock. Bucky reaches in between your bodies and begins to circle your clit again and all you can do is tighten your hold on him as he thrusts into you. You kiss and mark his skin while He mumbles sweet praises in your ear as he lays you down completely. You wrap your legs around his waist and you move your hips to meet his thrusts. Bucky cups and kneads your breast before leaving open mouth kisses in your chest.

“You’re so close again baby, I can feel it. Fuck, gripping me so tight. Are you going to be good for me and come one more time?” 

You nod as you feel that familiar coil tighten low in your belly. Your hands are in his hair and you pull harshly causing Bucky to moan. 

“Oh fuck, give me one more baby, come for me.” 

His words send you over the edge, his name on your lips as you feel the rhythm he set falter as he reaches his own high. Both of you are a panting sweaty mess. Bucky rests his forehead against your chest and he feels when you begin to chuckle. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“That’s one way to celebrate a grand opening.” 

Bucky smiles when he looks up at you. He places one last kiss on your chest before standing up and slowly pulling out of you and tucking himself back in his pants. You whine at the loss of his warmth. Bucky offers you his hand to sit you back up and places a kiss on your forehead before walking over to your bathroom and grabbing some tissues to clean you both up. 

“I ruined your makeup and your dress.” He mentions it casually.

“Can you try and not sound so smug about it.” You counter as you try to stand on wobbly legs. It didn’t help that you still had your heels on. Bucky wraps an arm around your waist to steady you. He helps you get to the bathroom. “I brought another outfit. I had a feeling you’d get like this.” 

“Look who’s smug now. But maybe you should stay like this.” He gives you a quick peck. “Let them know you’re taken.” 

You roll your eyes as you clean up your makeup. Bucky leans against the bathroom wall and watches you after getting redressed. After a few minutes you’re all set with another black dress similar to the first one you had. Bucky stands behind you as you make eye contact in the mirror and wraps his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. You cup his cheek and smile at him before turning and capturing his lips in a sweet kiss. 

“Do me a favor,” he says as he stands up straighter. 

“Hhmm?” 

“Be careful with Drysdale. He can’t be trusted.” 

“Bucky we’re all mobsters none of us can be trusted.”

“You can trust me.” He pulls you closer to him. “I’d never do anything to hurt you.” 

“I know love, and I do trust you. But this is just business and really I’m working with Barber. He’s good at what he does and I’ve worked with him before. And if they try anything you can do whatever you want to defend my honor.”

“I like the sound of that.” 

You smile up at him. “We should go, everyone will be wondering where we are.”

“Fine. But you owe me a night, just us at the hideout.” 

“I can do that.” You smile at him.

He lets you go and you move out of the bathroom and into your office. You wanted to spend some time with your people and help them celebrate the success of the club. 

“Shit I’ll be right there I have to take this.” Bucky said as he pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket. You nodded and walked out of the office and headed to the private room meant for you and your friends.

They cheer once you walk through the door behind the bar. Sam and Steve get up from their seats, each of them giving you a hug and congratulating you. You order your drink and sit with everyone just talking and enjoying their company. 

One of the side doors opens and one of the security guards that should be posted at the main entrance stands in the doorway. 

“Miss Y/L/N, your last guest is here.” He says and steps out of the way to reveal the last person you wanted to see. 

Dot stands there with her usual curls and what you assume is either a light pink or white dress. Her smile is brilliant as she looks around the room. 

“Oh I’m so happy all of Bucky’s friends are here.” She says as she walks further into the room. “I have some really exciting news.” 

Sam and Steve look at each other before looking at you. Your smile had disappeared and was replaced by a scowl. Everyone in the room knew immediately that whatever happened next wasn’t going to be good.

Bucky was finally able to end the call after what felt like a lifetime. He was ready to relax and help you celebrate your success and the fact that Steve had recovered. But when he got to the private room something was off. Even with the music blasting out on the dance floor this room was quiet. Everyone stood towards the center of the room so he got closer to see what was happening. The last thing he expected was to find Dot there. When he got close enough she saw him and immediately wrapped her arms around his neck.

“There you are honey. I was wondering where you were.” She said in a sickly sweet tone. Her lips were on his before he knew what was happening.

Bucky pulled back and looked in your direction and his heart dropped. He'd never seen you like this and he wasn’t sure what was going through your head. You looked more than annoyed at Dot’s presence, he could see the rage and something else in your eyes. But it wasn’t directed at the blonde, it was directed at him.

“Will you get off of me? What are you even doing here?” Bucky grabbed her hands and pulled them away from him. He looked over at Steve and Sam silently asking what was going on.

Sam shook his head, his expression serious and Steve would barely even look at him. His jaw tense as he stared daggers at Dot.

“Well I knew you would be here with all your friends so I thought what better time to tell everyone the great news.” 

“What news?” What are you talking about?” He was annoyed that Dot was trying to ruin something else for him simply by being there. So her next words caught him completely by surprise.

“The baby.” She held up a sonogram. “Aren’t you excited we’re going to be parents.” 

Bucky froze, there was no way this was real and that it was happening. Dot’s lips were moving but all he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears. When he looked at you he could see you were trying to fight back the tears. He was furious at Dot for setting something like this up. 

“It’s so weird to think that I’m already 10 weeks along.” She placed her hand over her nonexistent baby bump.

“I don’t know what game you’re playing but that kid ain’t mine.” He growled before trying to move towards you to explain. 

You turned your head and said something to Clay and Roque. Just as he was about to reach you Clay stood in his way while you walked out of the room with Jake following you.

“I have to talk to her.” 

“No fucking chance, you and your fiancé need to leave. I suggest you leave before we make you.” 

“Fuck you.” Bucky tells Clay and starts walking by him but doesn’t get far. He gets pulled back instead of pushed. Steve and Sam were the ones to grab him and pull him back.

“Trust me if you want even a sliver of a chance to fix this you’ll leave now.” Steve says before letting go. 

“No, I need to talk to her.” 

“What you need to do is leave.” It was Peter this time who stepped up. 

“Bucky, let's just go honey.”

“Dot, shut up and leave.” Bucky turned back your team and started making his way through them. 

He could see you talking with Barber and Drysdale and motioning for them to follow you. All he wanted was a chance to explain and suddenly his view of you is blocked. Jake was standing in front of him with a murderesque expression on his face. 

“Why are you still here?” Jake asked as he glared at Bucky. 

But Bucky didn’t answer, instead he walked toward the door behind the bar to try and reach you. He didn’t get too far because Jake had pulled him back. Suddenly Bucky’s right fist connects with Jake’s jaw. Jake is quick to grab Bucky by his jacket and he’s ready to hit right back. The rest of the group moves quickly to stop things from getting more out of control.

“I’m not leaving until I talk to Y/N.” 

“Don’t you get it you fucking idiot,” Rocket called out from the other side of the room. “She’s the one who wants you to leave.” 

“If you really care about her you will.” Aisha added. 

Bucky sighed, frustrated as he looked around the room. Not only were your people ready to chop his head off for hurting you but so were Steve and Sam. His shoulders deflated when he realized that they were right, there was no use in trying to talk to you at the moment.

“Tell her that I need to talk to her, please.” He looked at Jake. “It’s not what she thinks.” 

“My job is to have her back, not yours. If you care about her as much as you say you do you’ll figure out a way. I always thought she deserved better anyway.” 

Steve grabbed Bucky before he was able to swing at Jake again. Sam guides Dot out of the room while Steve pushes Bucky in the same direction. 

Dot was more than pleased with the outcome of her little stunt. She couldn’t show it but the look on your face when she had announced it was more than enough to keep her going. She had been worried at first that her being pregnant would ruin her plans but it’s working out in her favor. 

“What are you smiling about?” Sam asks, he had kept his eyes on her the whole time. 

“I can’t be happy that I’m going to have a baby with my soon to be husband?” 

“I don’t know who put you up to this but you better stop.” Bucky snapped at her once the four of them were outside. 

“No one put me up to anything honey. I really am pregnant. I’ll take another pregnancy test if you want just to prove it.” 

“Good, let’s go.” Bucky grabbed her arm and pulled her harshly. 

“Ow Bucky you’re hurting me.” Dot whined as she struggled to keep up. 

“Trust me, you would know what real pain was if I decided to hurt you.” 

Steve and Sam just looked at each other before following. 

It was going to be a long night.

You said your goodbyes to Thor and once he was out of your club the rest of the team gathered in your office. There were flutes of champagne already served and everyone grabbed a drink. 

“Here is to our successful first steps. Thanks to Rocket for securing our partnership with Killmonger and Everett.” You tip your champagne flute towards him. “I’m happy to say that Barber, Drysdale and Odinson have also agreed to work with us. I know for all of you coming to New York and fighting for a place here isn’t necessary but I’m grateful that you’ve decided to have my back so that I can take down the man who took everything from me. These next few weeks and even months aren’t going to be easy but we’ll come out on top. And I reiterate the promise I made to all of you before, that I’ll give you as much as you’ve given me and that I’ll have your back just like you’ve had mine.” You raise your drink. “To us.” 

Everyone whoops and hollers as they clink their glasses together before taking a drink. They talk amongst themselves as you drink your champagne in one go. You turn and sit at your desk and just watch them. It was difficult to celebrate when you had this terrible ache in your chest. Part of you didn’t want to believe what Dot has said, that she was just messing with you but you also knew Bucky had been with other women during those 10 years. You couldn’t blame him,you had been with other men before you thought you could ever return. Maybe it was the fact that you had been together right before that bombshell was dropped. 

“Want to talk about it?” Jake was leaning against the desk, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked down at you.

“Nothing to talk about.” You wave your hand dismissively. “I just don’t like being blindsided.” 

“Still, it must’ve hurt to hear that. I know if it were me I wouldn’t be ok.” 

“I’m not here for Bucky, I’m here for Pierce. That’s all that I should focus on anyways. That little announcement was just a reminder that my focus was shifting.” 

“Well if you’re sure. I’m here whenever you need me.” He gave you his signature Jake smile.

“Thanks JJ.” 

“Who is the father?” Bucky asked through gritted teeth as he held the fifth positive pregnancy test in his hand. 

“Who else could it be, it’s your baby.” 

“There’s no way that baby is mine, Dot.”

“Well then you do the math because I’m ten weeks along and what did we do ten weeks ago after we left your club?” She raised an eyebrow as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Must I remind you, I can give you all the details but it ends with me being pregnant.”

Bucky crushed the pregnant test in his hand before crossing the room, he was ready to wrap his hands around her throat. Dot was ruining everything for him. He couldn’t get your face out of his head, how hurt you looked. It just added insult to injury considering you had been together for the first time in 10 years and now it’s been ruined. It was all because of Dot, Bucky wasn’t sure what she was playing at but he intended to find out.

 Steve stands between him and Dot. He’d seen that rage before and once bucky got started he wouldn’t stop. 

“Get the fuck out of my way Rogers.” 

“Bucky, think this through will ya?” 

“I am.”

“This isn’t the way to get your answers and you know we don’t hurt women and children. Now did you or did you not sleep with Dot?” 

Bucky looks away from Dot and focuses on his friend. He sighs before turning away. 

“Once.” 

“Finally, was that so hard to admit?” Dot asked from behind Steve.

“You were forgettable at best.” He snapped at her. 

“Ok, Jesus this is childish.” Sam interrupts their back and forth. “So we can agree that Dot is pregnant and the father is unknown.” 

Dot glared at Sam. 

“You’ve proven that you’re pregnant, you can leave now.” Bucky walks to his front door and opens it. 

“Fine, we’ll talk after we tell your parents. I’m sure they’ll be excited to know they’re going to be grandparents.” Dot says as she crosses the living room. “I’ll see you later honey.” She tries to kiss Bucky but he pulls away. 

“How bad was it?” Bucky asks as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. Steve moved quickly and snatched it out of his hand.

“If you think I’m going to let you call her, you're dumber than I thought.” 

“I just need to see her, tell that the baby isn’t mine.” 

“It’s not going to be that simple.” Sam spoke up before sighing. “Y/N walked out so happy, like things were going right for the first time in a long time and then she’s blindsided by this. If she even forgives you, it’s going to take a while.” 

“Fuck.” Bucky runs his hand over his face. He doesn’t know what comes next, he’s unsure of how to fix this. 

“Can at least one of you talk to her, to try and see where her head is at?” 

Steve and Sam look at each other again. They don’t like being stuck in the middle but they’ve known how much you love each other. Especially Steve so he volunteers to talk to you soon before they leave for the night. It’s hard for Bucky, he’s left with nothing but his thoughts and they drive him crazy. 

You’d barely slept, still thinking about the events of the night before. The house was relatively quiet and you assumed everyone was still asleep. Well everyone except Cougar. He sat at the dining room table, his favorite sniper rifle laid on the table as he cleaned it.

“Boss.” He says with a nod. 

“Cougar.” You said as you stopped to watch what he was doing. “Getting ready for target practice or are you going somewhere?” 

“I’m not, but you are.” He stops what he’s doing and looks up at you again. “If you give me another five minutes I’ll be ready.” 

“I wasn’t going anywhere.” 

He raises his eyebrows, silently calling you out. 

“I’m just going to the cemetery.” 

“And I’ll keep my distance, like I always do.” 

“Fine. I’m leaving in 10 minutes with or without you.” You say as you walk towards your study.  

“Good morning, mi niña.” Rosie stops organizing some things on your desk when she sees you walk in. “Would you like some breakfast?” 

“No Rosie, I’m good thanks.” 

You sit at your desk and notice a wooden box sitting there. Rosie pushes it towards you.

“Open it.” 

You unhook the small gold latch on the front and pull on the lid. A pistol sits in the center along with its magazine laid on the red satin covered cushion. The pistol was engraved with an intricate design of flowers and vines. It was familiar to you but you weren’t sure where you had seen it. You grab it and inspect it, turning it around until you find a set of initials. 

“Rosie, did this belong to my mother?” You look at the older woman in disbelief. 

“Yes, the night she died she had given it to Mr. Rogers so that he could take a look at it because it kept jamming on her. He brought it back but your parents had already gone out and well you know the rest.” She sighs as she sits across from you. “You father couldn’t bear to see it and told me to get rid of it. He got it for her on their first wedding anniversary; she never went anywhere without it. I thought that I would give it to you when you took over the business.” 

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you tried but failed to keep the tears in. 

“I had Mr. Rogers looked at it again this week and he cleaned it and made sure it wouldn’t jam again.”

“It’s beautiful, thank you Rosie. I think I’ll buy a display for it.” You say as you look back down at the gun in your hand. 

“Absolutely not. You have to keep it with you. It’s the one way your mother can protect you now.” 

You looked between the gun and Rosie and sighed. 

“Ok, I’ll use it.” Unlocking and opening the bottom drawer where you kept a spare gun and an over the shoulder holster and just grabbed the holster. You take off the jacket that you were wearing and secure the holster before grabbing the gun and putting it in place. “How does it look?” 

“Like you’re meant to take over all of New York.” 

You smile at her just as Cougar stands in the doorway. 

“The car is ready Boss.” 

“See you in a little bit Rosie.” You wave to her as you head out and head toward the front door. 

“Boss you’ve got company.” Cougar says as you come up behind him. 

“Can we talk?” Steve waves at you from the front steps. 

“This isn’t a good time and I know you know I don’t want to talk about it.”

“He just wants to talk.” 

“I don’t want to hear what he has to say.”

“Otter,” Steve catches your wrist as you walk past him. “Just think about it?” 

“I did, I spent all night thinking about it. You can tell him to leave me the fuck alone. He should focus on his future wife and child.” You spat before walking off. Steve sighs but decides to  walk away. 

You stood in front of your parents' graves. At least they had been laid to rest side by side. That knowledge provided very little comfort but at least it was something. You placed a kiss on your fingertips and then touched your father’s headstone before doing the same to your mother’s headstone. 

“I was wondering when you’d show up.” You say.

You hear a chuckle behind you. “I do things in my time, not yours. This is my city after all.” 

“Not for much longer, Alexander.” 

Ch. 8

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Pride and Passion | 8

Chapter 8

Warnings: mentioning of eating disorder and depression (if you suffer under an eating disorder or depression, please seek help. you deserve love, food and a healthy mindset. If you need someone to talk, please feel free and don't hesitate to reach out to me. My inbox is always open)

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You tried hard to behave or whatever that meant in Negan's vocabulary- no talking back or making a fuss about small things, listening to him and his allies and most of all you tried hard to befriend his other wives.

The last one wasn't a challenge; they were all nice and kind of glad to see a new face around here. Especially Amber seemed to take a liking to you- she followed you around, talking more to you than the others. You felt bad for her, it was like she never had a real friend before, except the one man she was in love with: Mark.

Mark was a worker before he became one of the "soldiers", mostly to keep watch on the roof with a sniper rifle in his hand. He arrived with Amber and her mother at the Sanctuary, promising he would work for their place and to keep them safe. To his bad luck the leader of the Saviors cast an eye over Amber, wanting her as one of his wives. At first, she declined but soon she realized that her mother would get a better treatment, better medication and clean clothes if she agree to join Negan' side. Mark would get a nicer job and more responsibility among the Saviors, saving him from the humiliation to be a regular worker.

"We talked about it for a few days, deciding what would be the best: Being together but suffering or being separated and getting the chance for a better life." Amber told you when you two walked towards the canteen.

"But you're still suffering." you responded, indicating that she couldn't be with the man she truly loved and her mother. Amber wasn't allowed around Mark and only could see her mother once a week. Negan had strict rules to control his girls.

"Well..." she sighed and pushed open the door when you finally arrived. You watched the spectacle in front of you: lunchtime at the Sanctuary was like a fucking zoo. Saviors and workers were separated, the plates of the Saviors fuller and with better stuff while the workers got the leftovers.

It angered you every time you saw it- slavery all again.

"I hate this." you said and Amber looked at you in confusion. It was normal for her, or whatever normal meant in this madhouse.

The two of you got a plate with food and looked around for a free place to sit. Suddenly Mark looked up and locked eyes with Amber but only for mere seconds before Simon's hand slammed, regaining the attention of Mark. Passionate glances were also forbidden. Amber silently started sobbing and turned around, leaving her food and you behind.

"Asshole." you muttered in Simon's direction and he let out a silent "Bitch". You hated this guy; he was cruel and most of all crazy.

Negan wasn't better but at least you could reason with him, Simon didn't even listen to someone if they made a mistake. He just killed them or put them in a cell, starving them for days.

Your stomach dragged you back to reality, reminding you of the painful hunger you experienced. There was enough food at the Sanctuary but somehow you ate as little as possible, still being accustomed to the way you did it in Alexandria. You realized that you had developed an eating disorder when Amber made a comment about never seeing you eat and it scared her. So, she made you a proposal: to get your eating routine back she would accompany you every day to the canteen. Bless her sweet soul.

You didn't blame her for leaving though, after all she was broken and most of the time depressed. You decided to talk to Negan about her mental state, maybe you could help her. Even though you weren't a trained psychiatrist and didn't finish college you had enough experience from your former major, and also saved some of your old books. The problem was, the books were back in Alexandria...

"You looking for a place to sit?" someone beside you asked and you turned around. It was a young boy, maybe a few years younger than Carl, with a big gap between his front teeth and full of freckles in his face. His fiery hair reminded you of Abraham and you smiled to yourself. You missed the shit out of the red-haired Hulk who saved your life more than once.

"Uhm, yeah. I haven't been that much in here yet..." you admitted.

"You can sit with me and my mom if you want!" he gave you a bright smile and you nodded. "Sure, I would love to. Thanks." The boy introduced himself as Kyle and his mom Peggy. You gave both a smile and shared your name as well.

"So, honey-" Peggy started and you raised your head "When did you join the Sanctuary?"

"I don't know, a few weeks, maybe two months now. What about you and Kyle?"

"For three winters." A few years back, when the world was still normal, this would have been a weird answer but now time was relative. There was only the four seasons as well as day and night.

"Wow... that's a long time." you mumbled and Peggy nodded. She only must have been in her late thirties but she looked a lot older. You asked yourself if it was because of Negan and the Sanctuary or just because of the world as it was.

"What's your job here?" Kyle asked and shoved a potato in his mouth. "I'm a dishwasher and my mom's in the laundry department."

"Oh, uhm... I don't know, to be honest. No one assigned me yet." you shrugged your shoulders and caught Peggy's strange look.

"You've never been assigned? Normally they assign newbies after a few days."

"I see." you answered "Maybe I should ask Negan?"

Kyle's eyes widened. "Woah! You're allowed to talk to him?"

"Uhm... sure. Why wouldn't I?" you let out a nervous laugh, their looks made you shifting uneasy in your seat. "Can't you just talk to him?"

"We, the workers, aren't allowed to address him." Peggy answered. "Only Saviors or his wives."

"What? That's ridiculous! He really isn't that scary without his bat and leather jacket." You mumbled and made Kyle laugh with your statement. The others didn't laugh- Peggy's eyes widened the moment the realization hit her.

"You're a wife!" she yelled and jumped from her seat. You flinched and looked around.

"Uh, yeah. What's the big deal?" you asked sincerely.

"We are workers!" she hastily explained "We are not allowed to eat on the same table, you just jeopardized all of us. We could be punished for this! Kyle, get away from her!"

You shook your head and stood up as well. "I'm sorry, I-I d-didn't know..."

A harsh grip yanked you back and you let out a small "Ouch". Simon held you firmly but stared at the workers before yelling: "Get out. Now!"

The workers immediately left and Kyle turned around for one last time, waving you goodbye.

"What the fuck-" you finally said and tried to free yourself from Simon's grip. "What was that about? We were just talking!"

"Shut up..." he whispered menacingly. "Mark? Get me Negan, right now."

In the meantime, they detained you in the big hall, Simon not answering your questions, didn't matter what you asked. He looked up the railing, waiting for Negan. He arrived after a few minutes, raising his arms in annoyance. To your relief Lucille wasn't with him.

"What the fuck's wrong you had to disturb me during my lunch?"

"I'm sorry boss-" Simon said and gestured in your direction. Negan's angry expression turned into an annoyed one within seconds. He stopped at the top of the stairs and closed his eyes to rub them.

"Kitty Kat, what did ya do?" His voice was low but somehow soft.

"Nothing!" you exclaimed, also annoyed by now "I was just eating my lunch..."

"She sat with the workers." Simon added and by that throwing you under the bus.

"Fucker..." you spat in his direction- Negan's expression suddenly amused as he let out a small chuckle.

"Tsk, tsk... Language, doll face." He continued down the stairs till he was right in front of you, bending down so you would be eye level. "Interactions with the workers aren’t allowed. Didn't I ever tell you that?"

"No." you answered truthfully and he nodded.

"Alright, I'll give ya a pass on this one, especially because you had your shit together in the last weeks. But don't do it again, ya hear me?"

"Yes." you nodded and dared a side glance to Simon "What about Kyle and his mom? It wasn't their fault."

"Who and who?" Negan asked confused, also looking at Simon now.

"A worker boy and his mom. Looks like Y/N made new friends..."

"Hey! They have names you stupid-"

"Woah, calm down Grimes." Negan put a hand on your shoulder giving you a soft nudge. "Don't talk to Simon like that, you're my wife, fucking behave like one."

You gave Negan a dirty look. "You're all disgusting. You can't treat people like slaves! They have names, feelings and they do valuable work to keep this thing here going while you people just sit on your arse, taking credit that doesn't belong to you."

Negan let out an impatient sigh, closing his eyes again, what should he do with you? "Negan-" your voice suddenly soft and it caught his attention "I want to help in here... I don't want to be locked up, wearing pretty dresses all day, let me earn my keep."

"I already told ya-"

"I know! But think about all the things I could do: I majored in psych, I could help a lot of people and increase their mental health. Think about it- healthy mind, happy people."

Even though he could never allow it, Negan was intrigued by your proposal. It amazed him that your heart was so big even though you were so young and probably experienced hell in this world. Damn. He could never show how whipped he was, you had him around your little finger the moment he laid eyes on you.

Why did he had the fucking need to spoil and care for you? You were so different from all the other women, constantly giving him shit and being stubborn as fuck. It made him hot as hell and he started to neglect his other wives because the only person he wanted to push against a wall and fuck their brains out was you.

"We'll talk about this." he lied and gave you his signature smirk. You knew he bullshitted you and crossed arms in front of your chest.

"You're just saying that... you don't mean it."

And you are dangerously close to being bend over that desk and getting your sweet ass spanked, he thought to himself and his dick twitched at that very fantasy.

"I promise." he simply said but didn’t mean your proposal. Oh, he would spank that ass someday…

You gave up, for now, but would talk to him later again. That topic wasn't off the table, a lot of people, including Amber would benefit from the knowledge of your books.

You thought about your deal and the possibility to visit Alexandria and it made your heart jump in excitement. But for that deal to come true you had to back down and let Negan play his little games.

You gave him the sweetest smile you could manage and bat your eyelashes. "Alrighty."

Negan smiled back, the tip of his tongue sticking out of his teeth, ignoring the growing urge inside his pants. "Al-fucking-righty then."

Taglist: @toxic-ink @jaywinchestersalvatore @crosshajr @neganswoman @tone-stark @missmiauz (if you want to be added, pls let me know)

[onelungmcclung]

mota for the meme!

the first character i ever fell in love with: I liked DeMarco early on but I was sort of predisposed to (supporting character, was already familiar with Adam Long, I root for little known actors). however, he does suffer from a severe shortage of dialogue. I found myself warming to Kidd early on, too. Crosby & Bubbles's friendship is a highlight of the early episodes. in the opening scene I wanted more of Crank and Blakely.

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: Brady gets an enjoyable introduction but not much else. (not quite in the spirit of the question – this isn't me going off the character – I just want some good, economic characterisation stuff in later episodes too. some follow-through! but if we're going to talk about lack of follow-through we really need to talk about Westgate)

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: I'm still working out if I have any ships, and the show hasn't been around long enough for me to go off anything

my ultimate favourite character™: I like Crank, Blakely, Doug, DeMarco, Bubbles, Kidd, Hambone, Macon, Crosby, Brady and Rosie (and Claytor and Biddick, brief acquaintances both). if I were to pick one, it would be Kidd – but, as I have said, he is the only supporting character I have a really strong sense of, so it doesn't feel like a fair contest.

prettiest character: Peggy is very beautiful. throw over your man, I say. Paulina, I'm available.

my most hated character: I hate nobody, but I wish the series weren't told from a small number of POVs. BoB manages its large cast better. I would like fewer scenes with Egan &/or Cleven and more scenes centring other characters/dynamics/friendships. (I like the Tuskegee Airmen scenes for this reason; no single POV is centred. also the lack of narration.) I do have sympathy for every character who gets annoyed with Bucky – not because I'm disposed against him, I just think, in context, they're right 🤷‍♀️ (I did want to see him wearing a narwhal horn, though)

my OTP: possiblyyy Kidd/Rosie. possibly. thinking it over. in terms of canon, Helen/Nash had some of the best chemistry in any of the three shows. in terms of friendship possibilities, I want to see more of everyone and everything. and as I think I have made abundantly clear by now, my favourite among the crews we get to see is the Blakely, Kidd, Doug & Crosby lineup of ep 3.

my NOTP: I don't get that invested and I don't read much. the mainpairs, as usual, don't really appeal.

favourite episode: maybe episode 7 or 8

saddest death: I was genuinely upset by Hambone's 'death' (which seemed both horrifying and terrifying) except he turned out not to be dead. probably Bubbles.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: I'm relatively uninterested in Buck and Bucky; I blame the script; I've glanced through Miller's book and find the real guys more compelling. I'm rather indifferent to Lemmons, although I'd like to like him more. (also I like Crosby but I dislike narration unless absolutely necessary and a lot of it wasn't. and he's not a cinnamon roll, he's an everyman, come on now.)

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: I think these shows are fundamentally quite optimistic about people. but I think MotA does a slight injustice to the British forces. and I have already defended Huglin.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: that's the nature of the genre / this is a woobification-free zone. but the Tuskegee Airmen got short-changed. so did Westgate and the Allied intelligence subplot (at least include a glimpse of her in ep 9 so we know she's still alive? during the 'war is over' announcement mayhap? if u really don't have time for more actual subplot, which is just bad planning). a little bit more of Solly would have been nice (maybe a Solly & Rosie scene?).

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: I am a fine upstanding citizen (has anyone considered Biddick/Bryan... not that I consider it wrong and nasty, I just think they could work out their differences/competitiveness some other way... but I am aware the answer is 'no') (this is merely a fleeting thought)

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: could have probably got into Alex/Buck or DeMarco/Macon if they'd had another scene or two. I do not put it past myself to mildly ship Marge/Peggy. I don't really ship it but I think Chick and Red have good chemistry considering their lack of conversations – they seem very used to each other; not sure if JM and SCM had worked together before but their characters genuinely come across like two people with a close longterm working relationship. (I could believe they're together.) Biddick/Snyder deserves a little attention even though I don't have anything to contribute.