#alle vs grad school
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good morning! i just submitted my dissertation to my committee for review before my defense! i am lowkey panicking!
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girl why this person in this school group always so like, covertly condescending ehdjdjddk I been seeing they replies for ages thinking 'maybe im just being autistic' but nah ion wike their communication style
#it's bc this person interacts w everyone like we're their students bc theyre one of those ppl who's an established prof w w mill degrees#already here at this school getting another masters#and this is a school-adjacent forum so like we are among peers here . we are ALL students so pls#figure out how to talk to us like we're on your level even if we're not in the same exact degree program it's all the same major/field ..#like why does simple 'how long is x masters vs y for someone w full-time enrollment' turn into a thing where you insinuate i don't know what#its like to work manage life shit & be a fulltime student ... when youre not even fulltime as a grad student and youre not starting from 0#(bc you transferred in courses)#i just need to know if it's worth pursuing my degree here bc my momentum isnt gonna carry through 3-5 years of idly chipping at grad courses#like no shit 'we all must chart our own course' but you know what someone is asking when they say 'how long is a BA'#they want an average for a fulltime student not a list of the million extenuating circumstances that can make a BA extend past 4-5 years
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Have I mentioned lately that I hate academic writing style?
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today i said i find being employed 40hrs a week easy and also fairly boring and like i have a lot of free time and my friends were like.... wtf is wrong with u. i guess it doesn't take much to make you happy and i was like.... ok. fair enough 😭
#that is my biggest problem with being employed vs college#Like being employed is wayyyyy easier than college but I enjoyed college so much more#Bc i wasn't bored all the time!#Tbh at this job I'm less bored than my previous jobs. But I still am bored lol#I just don't know what I'd go to grad school in!!!!!#It is true tho my run every day is always a highlight#And whatever I eat also#Today had gnocci and Brussel sprouts... Too much butter but YUM!
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skill issue
#James liveblogs grad school#early zoning advocacy was fucking Wild and also I want to bite all of the people doing it#the (continuing!!!) obsession with the 'civic virtues' of single-family homeownership.... like ok thomas jefferson.......#also the previous paper I was reading was doing a comparison of US vs European zoning code development#and the whole Deal with the US trying to sneakily (not sneakily) legally mandate only letting racial minorities live in certain places#and apparently that not being a major motivating factor or innovation seen in euro countries' zoning at the time#to which I can just say Gee I Wonder If Anyone In Europe Might've Also Invented Mandatory Racial Residential Segregation Ever#Perhaps Even Before the US Got Around To It???#Hmmm. Hmm I Wonder.
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*don't go to grad school out of spite, don't go to grad school out of spite, do NOT go to GRAD SCHOOL out of SPITE!!!*
#text#personal#grad school#char don't look#anyway not me being a spite and caffeine fueled being#anyway i mentioned i was trying to bully a friend into finishing his dissertation revisions to one of the PhD's i work with#said phd was like 'oh i can tell youve never been to grad school'#and im over here like i havent but i COULD#and i know i COULD i just dont know what i WANT#AAAND it bothers me when people bring up finishing dissertation vs how long its taken me to finish this gotdamn book revision#which#hnngh#BUT ALSO DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW MANY BOOKS I HAVE WRITTEN IN THE PAST 8 YEARS!!!!!!#i always blank on that when people give me shit about it#i gotta quit blanking :(#plus its not like being a writer has been my only job for those eight years#(like my friend was A Grad Student for all that time)#ive written books WHILE participating in capitalism full time#this one in particular is so slow because of my fucking god awful living situation#im Upset lmao
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Last paper I was going to read has been read... it was the most interesting to me. It was about low-head dam removal and it's effects on the community make up of the fish populations in those streams. It was not a study performed by the guy I am talking to tomorrow, it was actually a grad thesis by a student that worked with him in the aquatic sciences center. Now I just have to figure out the answers to a couple questions I was recommended to have answers to because they seem likely to be asked.
#I still don't have any good questions to ask him though *sobbing*#I have questions about like the timing of the research because mostly everything I saw was longer than a grad degree will take#I want to know how they pick their research projects because there are so many things that could be researched#but otherwise its just statements#I want to learn fish dissection and identification. I want to learn how to use R. I want to refresh/understand statistics#I was most interested in the studies that were done on things like the dam-removal effect and riparian vs agriculture streams#the studies on fish population demographics were interesting and important but didn't quite capture me the same way#I guess I can just say that these were the things I found interesting and would like to study and be involved in#but that because I don't have much (any) experience creating my own experiments#or with aquatic ecosystems I am not really sure what a good research question would be but that I want to learn#..... I don't know if that's great though because it might just make me seem inexperienced#in a way that would not be beneficial to a lab. like that I wouldn't be bringing anything to the table#but on the other hand if you are expecting a brand new grad student to have all the answers what are you doing#but also I have been out of school and been working for 4 years so I should be more mature and have a better grasp of science#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA JUST WHAT IF IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH#i am so stressed
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my mom when im in the right in an argument: did you know that you’re mentally ill and you sound mentally ill and you seem mentally ill and everybody talks about how mentally ill you are?
#meanwhile when i was in london my mom went through all my stuff and rearranged/threw things away#including a shirt from a concert 10 years ago that was important to me/that I still wear#:-)#like we’re fully in an economic depression and i am unemployed but i should never have moved home after grad school#saving money vs staying sane faceoff
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Why did no one tell me that fairy tales count as their own fandoms on AO3?
I’d always avoided fanfic and fandom culture because seeing other people’s (entirely subjectively) Wrong Opinions on existing IP tend to make me irrationally angry (and that is something I’d like to work on Not Doing—why do I do that?) but!!! Straight-up fairy tale retellings? That aren’t AUs of copyrighted media?? Taking the tools of modern transformative fiction and applying them to traditional tale types and thus creating a hybrid between the very new and the very old???
#this is so so exciting#like this is going to be my access point into online fanfic culture I need for ALL the analysis I want to do#on continuing traditions of what makes a retelling and appropriation of the broadcast into the folk levels#AHHHHH#first person#grad school fodder#but also this just means I have a ton more retelling to read through!#without having to account for the bias of a traditional publishing house and editor#I suspect ao3 itself is going to reveal a stylistic bias of people already inclined to post there for other non fairytale works#but to my outsider understanding it’s not a self contained social media platform the way wattpad was#it’s more of a hosting site? so it’s not uncommon for authors to derive traffic from external vs internal sources?#which would theoretically indicate a lot more stylistic variation#we will see we will see!!! so much to see!!!
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I DID IT! I GOT THROUGH MY FIRST CONFERENCE TALK AND I WAS ON TIME AND I KNEW ALL THE ANSWERS AND I DIDNT HAVE A BREAKDOWN
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someone needs to bully me into working on my thesis
#for some reason it’s so much easier to force#myself to get up and do an experiment#than to force myself to face the data analysis and writing#even tho the data analysis is the part that’s actually interesting#but alas i cannot do an experiment right now because we fucking ran out of toluene.#AND [other chemical i’m working with that someone in another lab has to make for us]#i can’t even bug my PI with my incessant questions bc she’s not here. probably busy with meetings or something. i sent her an email.#who knows when she’ll respond#not that she ever answers my questions anyway!!! she’s always like ‘well what do you think?’#ik she’s doing it to build my confidence and bc she trusts my judgement but it’s kind of infuriating sometimes#anyway all this to say it’s just me vs. my word doc#plus a mountain of disorganized .txt files and even more disorganized corresponding .csv files#several google sheets#a handful of unprocessed FTIR spectra that theoretically i should know how to process and analyze (but really i haven’t the faintest clue)#and my reasonably well-organized lab notebook which somehow still feels like a nightmare to navigate because it’s in chronological order#and not organized by type of experiment#i do love my mad scientist job but sometimes it just feels like too many things#also surface science is not really my passion and i’m looking forward to doing something different in grad school#screams into the void
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I'm at the point in creation where I want to work on it - I really do - but if I look at it one more time I will become physically ill.
#reconciling what I want the story to be vs how the story is vs the critiques I've gotten to make the story better#is a hell of a time#working on it just feels like banging my head on a wall#trying to balance the 'I want it to be the best it can be' with the 'they get what they get' mindset#I stg this story is trying my sanity#I love it but god damn why did I have to make it so hard#littleblondesoprano#jordan goes to grad school#that's one thing I don't like about writing - there is no one to tell you how to fix it - there's critiques and guesses but no definitive#answers#which is also good bc there are things I feel in my gut work vs what people have said in workshop - more often than not the gut is better#all on me babeyyyy
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Yknow what? I miss my unhinged undergrad art history and philosophy professors that checked and responded to emails at 3am. It made me feel less unhinged to know we were all suffering sleeplessly. Now my grad professors are like do not even think of emailing me after 7pm. Why do you care when I email you??? You can respond during business hours, that’s fine, but it’s not like emails are particularly obtrusive — why can’t I send it when the problem arises??? Do you not like knowing your work keeps me up all night???
#im so tired all the time#university#undergrad vs grad school#hmmmm#awful#email etiquette#genuinely don’t get the issue#fever’s vibe check#feverdreamsandlucidnightmares
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Powering my way through the day with both coffee AND green tea. Today warrants some double-dipping.
#text#setting a bad example for my voice clients but that’s ok they don’t need to know that#I still dunno how to feel abt my morning school placement…#I feel bad cause I know the SLP needs a lot of support and I don’t mind giving that..it’s why im there#but im also…gonna be making mistakes and having trial/error with the kids#esp since I haven’t had child clinic yet…cause it’s one thing to learn in class vs. hands on#& idk if they’re expecting more from me cause I am a grad student..??#idk…but I do need to ask her abt getting more visual supports for the mod-severe kids#cause like…has anyone tried to ask the teacher abt this or…??#it still kills me that the aides aren’t trained at all but that’s…out of my control lol#anyway just gotta get through the next school and focus on voice dx tonight#the girls and I are Stressed abt that but all we can do…is our Best :))))
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in a ~fun~ turn of events I think this year I hate my job not because of the *gestures to conservative catholic institution* everything but because the ratio of direct coworkers whom I like vs. dislike has gone from 2:1 to 1:2 and I am LOSING IT
#like that post about how much time you spend with your coworkers vs. friends and family over the course of your life?#that's been making the rounds on instagram?#crying bc why do I spend 8 hours a day with people who I DO NOT LIKE PERSONALLY and have NOTHING IN COMMON WITH#even the coworker I do like is in thin fucking ice okay!!#like it would be more accurate to say that I dislike her the least of my coworkers#I mean we get along but also she's very fatphobic and not as liberal as she thinks she is and so privileged & unaware of it#(the problem with all my coworkers tbh)#(violently flashing back to the time I pointed out that one coworker was lucky her sons wouldn't have to take out student loans for college)#(and she tried to tell me she understood how I felt bc she'd had to take out a second mortage ON HER HOUSE to avoid grad loans)#(she OWNED A HOME and was able to use that investment to fund her grad school and she thinks that's the same?? vom)#anyway this post is brought to you by the fact that one of my coworkers put up a starbucks tree#and I've decided that it's representative of everything I dislike about her#and all our ideological differences#it is mere feet away from my computer I have to see it all. day.#I want to smash every ornament on that tree is 2g#sorry if I sound violent I had to bite my tongue today while someone told me they use amazon for the convenience#even though jeff bez0s is shit!!#just like I bite my tongue all! day! every! day!#brb screaming forever
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I love love love the contrast between first Suvi and then Sworn extending care to Maddy as an untested young Wizard under harrowing circumstances vs. Indri taking on all of these young Witch apprentices with the express purpose of consuming/destroying them once they actually learn any magic.
I love the reminder that for Suvi, the Citadel is her home and school, and also all of the other things.
It's not just the army she's wanted to fight for, it's also the streets and people of her family and community, it's all her teachers, professors, the panel for her Wizard grad school thesis. It's the place where she did a bunch of stupid kid stuff that almost got her killed, and it's where whatever she's going to become with Silver started.
It's also the place that's crushing the life out of her best friend. It's the thing that Morrow was aiming for when he trapped Naram. It's the thing her parents died for instead of coming back to her.
And Indri, by very funny contrast, is just the world's worst Intern supervisor. 0/10 experience, would not get my magic consumed again. Just absolutely the worst.
#Does this make sense to anyone else?#I didn't get enough sleep so who knows#wwwo spoilers#wbn spoilers#wwwo#wbn pod#the wizard sky#Suvi the wizard#the wizard the witch and the wild one#Also also I'm so dying to see the Wizard who took on the name Sky in that Library of Stars again.#Surely she can get a peek into some of the things the stars saw about her parents/the citadel as a treat
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