#all the while i was listening to early 2000s playlist

[reddeluxeedition]

just wrote four full pages in my journal bc i was writing about a prompt and it spiralled into an analysis of something that happened two years ago and ive discovered something about myself and now my brain chemistry has changed

[saltygilmores]

for the song titles ask: e!

1.Everybody! Rock your body! Everybody, rock your body right!

2. Every Other Time-LFO 3.Everywhere- Michelle Branch (Lindsay Lister approves)

4.Every Morning-Sugar Ray

5.Eyes Of A Stranger-Blondfire

[marcmorrigan]

more WIP crops but icymi mariks choker is a) a reference to the one britney wore at the 2000 VMAs and b) has tiny millennium rods on it

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 13

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, dealer!ellie, mentions of marijuana and descriptions of its usage, descriptions of anaphylactic shock, brief mention of needles, descriptions of anxiety, mentions of death, descriptions of jealousy, mentions of breakups, several flashback scenes, mentions of LSD and its usage, descriptions of acid tripping, ellie's POV, minors do not interact

word count: 9k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-if if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

songs featured in this chapter (including a surprise audio AND drawing commission in the middle of the fic):

the aaron taylor song “i think i love you again”

the carpenters song “merry christmas darling”

palestine will be free

“Where the fuck even are you?” 

“Not home.” 

“Well, no shit. I’m literally sitting on your living room couch, dumbass.” 

“Get out of my apartment, weirdo.” 

“Stop procrastinating, asshole.” 

Ellie rolls her eyes as a couple of bright yellow leaves slowly dance down on the pavement from the nearby trees on her path home. One hand holds her phone up in front of her with Dina’s face front and center on the screen through FaceTime. 

Having just dropped off a rather large order to a couple of stoner sophomores living on campus, Ellie’d decided to take the longer, more scenic route home instead of the usual way she’d go every day. She had a “date” lined up with Daniela in about an hour or so, a meeting she wasn’t particularly looking forward to being present for. Having no real enthusiasm to actually be on time to meet up with her, Ellie was purposely and leisurely delaying her return home to get ready. 

Dina, busy lounging on the couch in Jesse and Ellie’s living room, busies herself by finishing a bland, microwaveable box of mac and cheese she’d found shoved in the back of the duo’s full freezer. She was casually killing time talking to Ellie through video chat while she waited for Jesse to finish getting ready for their movie date night. 

Jesse enjoyed dragging Dina along to a movie theater in the neighbouring downtown area that showed old and foreign films. Back home in Jackson throughout their childhood, he and Ellie would make Dina sit through old sci-fi pictures, cult horror films, martial arts movies in a completely different language and with no subtitles. Dina would sit in the middle of the two in complete boredom as she listened to them psychoanalyzing background characters who had two lines and spending hours explaining their personal interpretations of a single camera angle in some inconsequential scene. 

When they all began attending university, Jesse was over the moon upon discovering the nearby theater and the kind of films they would show. Dina complained every single time, but she secretly enjoyed these date nights regardless, always arguing with Jesse on the way home with her own analyses of the movie they’d just seen. She was a little less enthusiastic this time, however, upon hearing that the film they were about to go see was an early 2000s Bollywood movie that had a running time of nearly four hours. 

Jesse had just gotten home from working out at the gym and was busy showering, and Dina decided to preoccupy herself in the meantime by thoroughly berating Ellie for her disinterest and voluntary tardiness for her “date” later that evening. 

“El, I really don’t understand why you’re even bothering with her,” Dina says after a huge, wet slurp of her mac and cheese. “Leave that poor freshman girl alone. You really don’t even seem to like her that much.” 

“She’s still got Joel’s jacket and I want it back.” Ellie shrugs nonchalantly. 

“Maybe if you didn’t pass that shabby old thing around to every new girl you see for a month…” Dina replies, not bothering to mutter under her breath. 

“Oh, leave me the fuck alone, Woodward,” Ellie says, chuckling. “Slutshamer.” 

Jesse jaunts into the living room, jet black hair damp from the shower and fully dressed, and spots Ellie’s face on Dina’s tiny screen. He waltzes towards the couch and, without any warning, stealthily snatches Dina’s phone right out of her hand. 

“Hey!” Dina protests indignantly, trying to reach for it back. 

Jesse ignores her as Ellie laughs. 

“Yo, what the fuck, Williams.” Jesse scolds the auburn-haired girl. 

“Wassup, Chang.” 

“What the hell did you ditch me and the gym for earlier? Today’s our cardio day.” 

“Had a huge delivery I needed to make,” Ellie shrugs. “Wanted two 40 bags on top of a few lavender pre-rolls. And they lived on the opposite side of campus.” 

“A likely excuse,” Jesse scoffs. “I think you’ve been harbouring a secret, years-long grudge against me and actually hate me for some reason.” 

“Oh, it’s not a secret. I do hate you.” 

“Dickhead.” Jesse chuckles as Dina heartily laughs behind him with a mouthful of mac and cheese. 

Before Jesse can continue to berate his best friend, his own phone rings noisily from the inside of one of his jeans pockets. 

“Oh, look. Someone who actually loves and appreciates me.” He says indignantly, handing small-scale Ellie back to Dina. 

Ellie playfully rolls her eyes, trying to ignore the fact that Jesse’s phone is currently buzzing and blaring with the personalized ringtone he’d set for your contact years ago shortly after you’d all met for the first time. 

Dina, recognizing the familiar sound as well and noticing Ellie’s tight lips and rigid expression, quickly attempts to change the subject. 

“So where exactly are you gonna be meeting up with the Daniela girl?” Dina quickly asks Ellie at the same time that Jesse booms, “Good evening once again to my absolute favourite person in the whole world!” 

Ellie hesitantly begins to reply to Dina but cuts off almost immediately when she hears Jesse’s tone turn serious and mutter a name she’d come to despise. 

“Oh. Hey, Anderson. What’s up?” Jesse says blankly. “Where’s—” 

“Oh, shit.” Dina inadvertently murmurs as Ellie’s face immediately goes red with fury. 

“Why the fuck is Anderson calling Jesse on her phone?” Ellie demands quietly of Dina. 

“I mean… she is on a date with her tonight…” Dina reluctantly admits, knowing that lying to Ellie about your current whereabouts is pointless after figuring Jesse would eventually blab it to her anyway. 

“Are you fucking serious?” Ellie seethes. 

“I don’t really know why she’d be calling Jesse, though. That doesn’t make any sense...” Dina says, setting down her fork and turning her head back towards her boyfriend as Ellie watches intently him from the corner of Dina’s phone screen. 

Both girls stare Jesse down as he intently listens to the other end of the line, the two getting more and more nervous as his face gets stonier as each second passes. When he finally speaks, his voice is grave and urgent. 

“Is she breathing?” 

“What?” Both Dina and Ellie simultaneously say in distress, which Jesse ignores. 

“What did she eat?” He asks Abby. 

“What’s going on?” Dina implores of him fearfully, sitting up straighter in her seat and completely abandoning her partially eaten mac and cheese on the coffee table. 

Jesse holds up a pointer finger as an indication that he needs to keep listening as Ellie hushes her sternly, fiercely trying to eavesdrop on Jesse’s conversation. 

“Okay. What did you eat?” Jesse questions. 

The way Jesse’s face falls elicits a sharply drawn breath from Dina and drains all the colour from Ellie’s face. 

“Did she have any?” He asks. 

While Jesse listens for Abby’s lengthy response, Ellie quickly averts her eyes back to Dina. 

“Dina.” She says hastily. “Where did Anderson take her tonight?” 

“Orchards. It’s that fancy restaurant that’s like, right by here.” 

“I know. They serve a lot of seafood there, right?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do you think Anderson ordered any?” 

“El, how am I supposed to know that?” 

“Well, does Anderson know that she’s deadly fucking allergic to shellfish? That she can’t even fucking touch that shit?” 

Dina’s terrified face suddenly goes completely pale before she responds. 

“I-I don’t know...” 

“Does she have any pockets or some kind of bag with her?” They hear Jesse say. “See if she has her EpiPen in there.” 

“E-El… I don’t think she does.” Dina stammers.” I helped her get dressed tonight and I saw her before she left, and I-I don’t think—” 

Ellie nearly drops her phone on the pavement from how clammy her hands have become from complete fear. When she hears Jesse fiercely mutter a furious “fuck,” she immediately breaks into a sprint. 

“Dina!” Ellie demands. “Give me back to Jesse! Now!” Dina hastily hands her phone to her petrified boyfriend without question as he quickly asks Abby to stay calm and give him a quick second. 

“Jess!” Ellie breathlessly yells, not bothering to keep her voice down and without any concern for the fellow students she was alarming as she ran by. “Go to my room right now and search in the bottom drawer of my desk!!!” 

Promptly and silently, Jesse darts in the direction of Ellie’s bedroom with Dina following closely behind him. 

“There’s an old EpiPen of hers somewhere in there! I think it’s probably a couple of months expired now, but grab it anyway!” 

Jesse and Dina unceremoniously bust into Ellie’s bedroom and follow her instructions precisely. After forcibly yanking open the bottom-most drawer of her computer desk, they begin to desperately rifle through it. After a few seconds of frantic ransacking through its miscellaneous contents, Jesse pulls out a thick, plastic cylindrical object with tiny lettering embellished all over the translucent plastic. 

“Look for the little slot on the side of it that shows you some liquid-y shit inside!” Ellie presses him. “Is it still completely clear and clean, or is it all brown and murky?” 

“It’s clear.” Jesse replies after quickly inspecting the EpiPen. 

“Okay, go!” Ellie orders. “Dina’s gonna call 911 right now! Orchards is right around the corner from our place, so run! Inject the needle on the outside of her thigh! And check her pulse and see if she’s breathing, ‘cause you’ll need to do CPR if she isn’t! Paramedics probably won’t get there for another five minutes or so, so you just gotta keep doing chest compressions until they can get there!” 

Jesse nods and immediately sprints out of the room after handing Dina her phone, placing his own back to his ear and quickly informing Abby that he’d be there shortly, firmly asking her to check your pulse. 

Dina sets her eyes on Ellie, pure terror engraved on her face. 

“Ellie, s-shouldn’t we grab the EpiPen she has now in her apartment? I think I know where it is, probably. Isn’t that safer than—”

“Her apartment is fifteen minutes away from that restaurant and Jesse can get there in two! We can’t waste any more time!” Ellie clarifies quickly. “Now, I need you to hang up right away and call 911 and explain everything that’s just happened! Go!” 

Ellie doesn’t bother waiting for Dina to end the call and roughly taps on the red button herself. 

She shoves her phone into the pocket of her hoodie and quickens her pace. 

Her lungs winded and her heart threatening to beat out of her chest, she couldn't seem to care any less about her own breathing at that very moment. She trusts nothing else but her own feet to get her exactly where she desperately needs to be. She sees nothing and no one else but the pavement directly in front of her, cutting across the university’s campus through the fastest route she can think of in the moment. 

Despite never having been a religious person in any way, Ellie begins to plead a desperate prayer in her mind to whatever god or deity that could possibly exist that you were still breathing somehow and that Jesse had found you and gotten there in time. 

She takes a moment to pull her phone out and check how long it’s been since she ended the FaceTime call with Dina, seeing that a little less than five minutes had just passed. She considers calling her once more for any updates; but not wanting to risk being a possible distraction in case Dina is needed in the moment, she ultimately decides against doing so and instead wills her feet to move faster. 

Unwelcome thoughts begin to involuntarily flood Ellie’s mind as she sprints. 

She thinks of the last time you’d seen each other: that night of your heart-to-heart dinner with Jesse at Sterling’s. It felt almost fated for her and Dina to walk into the same restaurant at the same time that the two of you had been meeting. Ellie recalls the identical look of dismay on both of your faces, equally overwhelmed at the sight of one another. She can still feel the angry yet doleful tears that fell down her red cheeks as she stormed away from the diner, threatening to expose endless repressed feelings of remorse and heartache. 

She remembers the day she saw your sudden reunion with Abby Anderson, you dressed in that beautiful floral sundress and very obviously flirting with the tall, muscular blonde. Her nails were so angrily digging into her palms at the sight of you two that she can still feel the phantom marks that had nearly drawn blood. She’d nearly frightened Dina, who was lounging on the living room couch with a joint in hand, when she busted into her and Jesse’s apartment with immediate choice words that were aroused by her unbridled anger. 

She recalls the last time you’d actually spoken to one other directly after that miserable, unfortunate night of the Sigma Eta party, how taken aback she was at how you were still so undeniably beautiful underneath the pale moonlight. Having been sitting on the hood of her Jeep while she watched in amusement at your futile attempts to keep yourself warm, she thinks of the way your eyes were furiously and desperately trying to avoid her piercing ocean green gaze. The memory of the angry, fleeting look you’d given Daniela when you’d obviously noticed Joel’s old motorcycle jacket resting on her shoulders is one she can never forget; nor could she the air of raw, bitter indignation that radiated off you at the sight of one of your signature lavender joints nestled in between Daniela’s lips. 

She can still feel the visceral rage that sparked inside her from Frat Guy Adam’s casual cruelty towards you, followed by feelings of heartbreak at watching the way your face had fallen at his words. The sheer remorse from pathetically having done nothing right when it happened still weighs on her. Ellie can never forget the simultaneous feelings of shame and comfort she’d felt after your heated encounter with her in the bathroom of Sterling’s: shame from being forcibly confronted with a reminder of the deepest regret of her whole life; and comfort at finally being able to see with her own ocean green eyes, after so long, the face of a person she once adored more than she did anyone else in the world. 

Maybe even still. 

Ellie eventually finds herself at the intersection right where her shared apartment with Jesse is located. Her hasty pursuit is frustratingly impeded when she’s stopped by the angry, glowing red hand at the crosswalk she needs to get past to reach Orchards, cars endlessly coming one after the other. For a few moments, she’s at least able to catch a much-needed, painful breath.

While she bounces up and down on her feet in impatience, very seriously contemplating running across anyway and risking being hit by a speeding car, Ellie thinks of one thing and one thing only: the first moment her eyes met yours all those years ago. The moment when she knew, deep down and instinctively, that everything had changed. 

She’s brutally broken out of her brief reverie by the blaring of sirens booming from around the corner. Her head immediately shoots towards the sound and she watches as two ambulances with flashing red and white lights speed down the road and towards what she believes is the direction of the nearest emergency room. 

Ellie wastes no time bolting down the crosswalk the millisecond that the orange pedestrian signal finally blinks to white, sprinting down the street of Orchards. She’s somehow able to spot Dina’s figure in the middle of a small crowd of people gathered next to the restaurant and immediately sprints towards her. By the time Ellie is able to reach her, most of the unfamiliar bystanders have dispersed with whispers. Her heart races as she sees Dina’s cheeks wet and dripping endlessly with tears. 

“Dina!” Ellie huffs, using the last of her breath and energy to dash to her side. 

“Ellie!” Dina sighs in relief upon spotting her friend. 

They envelop each other in a tight embrace, Dina hiccuping slightly into Ellie’s shoulder. 

“What happened? Did you guys make it in time? Is she okay? Where is she? Where’s Jesse?” Ellie rambles. 

“Sh-she’s okay, I think,” Dina stammers. “She was breathing when Jesse got here, but her pulse was really slow. The paramedics got here a few minutes after Jesse did.” 

She sloppily wipes her eyes with the back of her hands before continuing. 

“They said that the EpiPen probably saved her life, said that she would have had a lot less of a chance if we had just waited for them to arrive. Expired EpiPen was apparently better than nothing, as long as it wasn’t too far off from when it did expire.” 

Ellie takes a relieved breath in at hearing this. 

“Thank god. Thank fucking god. That’s what I thought, but I-I honestly wasn’t sure. I couldn’t remember clearly in the moment.” 

“How did you even know that?” Dina asks her in genuine curiosity. 

“I-I… wh-when we were, you know, t-together…” Ellie mutters awkwardly. “I made sure to know, j-just in case.” 

“Oh, Ellie…” 

Ellie wrings her hands together and clears her throat in embarrassment. 

“So where’s Jess? Where’s Anderson?” She asks, changing the subject and voice dripping in disdain at the last word. 

“Jesse rode in the ambulance with her and the paramedics, and Abby said that she’d follow behind in her car,” Dina replies. “I stayed behind ‘cause I figured you were on your way and I wanted to be able to tell you what happened in person.” 

“Thank you, D, seriously.” 

Dina stares at Ellie earnestly for a moment. 

“You really do still love her.” Dina says, not as a question but as a statement. 

Ellie doesn’t respond to this remark, her lips tight and her ocean green eyes unreadable. 

“Come on. Let’s go see her.” 

You had been brought to St. Peter’s Hospital, the closest one located to your university. When Ellie and Dina had gotten there, they found Jesse sitting alone in the mostly empty waiting room. He was staring up at the dreary off-white ceiling, his left leg nervously bouncing up and down as one of his hands gripped his right knee. When he spots the two girls enter the room, he immediately jumps out of his seat to meet them. He pulls his girlfriend into a tight embrace and gives her a tender kiss on the forehead, and then he places a firm and reassuring hand on his best friend’s shoulder. 

“How is she?” Ellie asks nervously. 

“Unconcious still, but she’s alive,” Jesse replies somberly. “The paramedics in the ambulance told me that they were pumping her full of adrenaline; and so now, they’re either still doing that or they’re just trying to get her heart rate back to normal. Apparently, her tongue was so swollen and her throat closed up completely, so they’ve got to reopen her airways ‘cause she’s having a hard time breathing.” 

“Oh, god…” Dina chokes out. 

“Don’t worry, D.” Jesse consoles. “She’s gonna be fine. She’s strong, and we know that. They’re taking care of her, and she’ll hopefully be awake soon.” 

“I know, I know…” Dina sniffles. “It’s really not like me to fall apart like this. But she’s like a sister to me, you know. I mean, she basically is.” 

“Me too, babe. Don’t worry. We all love her too. No need to explain.” Jesse says. 

Dina gives him a soft smile as he gives her another tender forehead kiss. Watching such a small but affectionate scene between the two makes Ellie feel as if she’s intruding on a private moment she shouldn’t be witnessing. Jealousy in the form of a knife in the stomach twists inside her while her heart aches to feel that kind of intimacy. 

“Oh, shit, I should call her uncle,” Dina suddenly realizes, pulling away from Jesse slightly. “I think I still have his number from freshman year. He should know what’s going on.” 

“Good idea.” Jesse agrees. “He’s one of her emergency contacts, but I’m not sure if he knows just yet.” 

“I’ll call the girls too,” She continues, referring to the other girls who lived in the Wilson Valley building with you and Dina during your freshman year. “I know that they’ll also want to know.” 

She pulls her phone out of her pocket before muttering a quick “be right back” and exiting the waiting room. 

Jesse and Ellie watch her walk out silently. After a moment or two, Jesse speaks up. 

“Are you okay, El?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Come on, man. Don’t do that. You know what I mean.” 

“I’m fine, Jess.” 

“Dude.” 

“What?” 

Jesse turns his whole body to face Ellie straight on, crossing his arms against his chest and frowning. 

“You’re completely red in the face, you look the most stressed out than I’ve ever seen you, and you’re here.” 

“So?” Ellie replies stubbornly. 

“Williams.” Jesse stresses sternly. “You know Dina and I saw everything you had in that desk drawer.” 

Ellie says nothing in reply and Jesse continues. 

“You literally still had her old EpiPen from like, two years ago. That entire drawer was full of her shit.” 

Ellie clenches her jaw and balls up her fists. 

“You still have all those old letters she used to write you all the time, all these mementos and knickknacks from when you two were together. You even have Barbie Bear.” Jesse points out. “Do you know that she’s been chewing Dina out nonstop about her for years because she thinks Dina stole her?” 

“Look, she and I just stopped talking to each other all of a sudden before sophomore year. I never had an actual chance to give her all of her shit back—” 

“You literally could have given them to me or Dina or even any of the Wilson girls so we could return them.” 

“Look—” 

“And what about the rest of it? Shit that you didn’t have to actually give back to her? It’s been years. You could have easily thrown it all out.” 

“You don’t understa—” 

“You didn’t even bother leaving all that shit back home in Jackson. You brought it all here with you to keep in our apartment.” 

“I… I—” 

“She could have fucking died tonight, El. And you’re still bullshitting me.” 

“Jesse.” Ellie croaks out through quivering lips and watery eyes. 

“You saved her life. She could have very well been in a worse state right now if it weren’t for you. You told me and Dina what to do. Nobody told you to do any of that. And by the sorry state of you, it looks like you just ran three marathons in a row just to get here and make sure she was okay in person.” 

Tears threaten to flow down from Ellie’s ocean green eyes, and it takes every ounce of strength that she has left in her to will them not to fall. 

“She means so, so much to me and Dina. And to a whole bunch of other people too. When she gets hurt, we feel that shit too.” Jesse says. “I need you to get your motherfucking shit together, Williams. Now.” 

Before Ellie can even form some kind of thought in response to his declaration, Dina suddenly reenters the waiting room. 

“Called her uncle and told him everything I know. He’s currently looking up the first flight out and he’ll hopefully be here sometime tomorrow.” Dina informs the pair as she walks over. “Just got off the phone with Astrid too. Most of the girls are either busy or asleep by now, but she said she’ll let them know too as soon as possible. If she’s awake tomorrow, they’ll try to come by to pay her a visit.” 

“Okay, good.” Jesse nods in response. “Thanks for doing that, D. I was so focused on what’s been going on, and none of that even crossed my mind.” 

“They deserved to know.” Dina smiles sadly before suddenly frowning. “But why did she even go into anaphylactic shock in the first place? They both asked me, but I realized that you never actually told either of us and I didn’t really know what to tell them.” 

“She and Anderson were making out, and Anderson had eaten some seafood bouillabaisse for dinner. Apparently, it had a bunch of chopped-up shrimp in it that she couldn’t see.” Jesse says plainly. 

Dina inadvertently glances at Ellie in slight sympathy, but Jesse looks at her with zero remorse on his face. 

“She didn’t tell Abby that she was really allergic?” Dina asks. 

“Anderson apparently had no idea, said that she wouldn’t have ordered it if she knew in the first place.” Jesse clarified. 

“Anderson should have fucking double-checked re-fucking-gardless.” Ellie angrily interjects. 

“It’s not Abby’s fault, Ellie. There’s no way she could have just known instinctively.” Dina reasons. 

“Doesn’t matter. Isn’t she studying to be a fucking doctor? Isn’t that some basic shit that they teach at med school or whatever? She should have known better.” Ellie seethes. “Where the fuck is she, anyway? I thought she came along.” 

“She went down to the food court for a breather.” Jesse says. 

“Oh, she needs a breather?” Ellie sneers. “Yeah, go ahead and catch your breath when the person you almost killed tonight can’t even fucking breathe—” 

“Ellie!” Dina scolds. 

“Whatever.” Ellie scoffs. 

“El,” Dina suddenly brings up. “Have you talked to Daniela yet?” 

“What about her?” Ellie asks. 

“Weren’t you supposed to meet up with her…” Dina checks the time on her phone. “... almost an hour ago?” 

“So?” 

“Ellie.” 

Ellie clicks her tongue. 

“Fine, let me text her right now that I won’t make it—” She begins to say begrudgingly, but she cuts herself off as someone else enters the waiting room. 

Abby Anderson quietly walks through the door, sipping a plain black coffee from a styrofoam cup. She looks up from her drink and gives Jesse an awkward but polite smile which he respectfully returns along with a nod. 

Ellie’s entire body goes cold with frigid, icy hatred, exacerbated when her furious ocean green eyes suddenly meet with Abby Anderson’s tired sky blue ones. 

“Actually,” Ellie suddenly says. “I’m gonna give her a call and see if she’s still free to meet up tonight. I still want my jacket back.” 

Both Dina and Jesse look as if they’re each about to interject with a response, but Ellie is too quick for either of them to say a word. 

Ellie storms out of the waiting room, not giving a second look at Abby Anderson. 

Ellie throws Joel’s old leather jacket onto her bed, sighing softly. She sheds her sweaty grey hoodie and throws it down next to the jacket before pulling her phone out. She proceeds to call Jesse, but she’s greeted with ten, empty-sounding buzzes before being redirected to his voicemail. She then attempts to call Dina but is greeted with an immediate automated message stating that the call could not be completed. 

Groaning in exasperation, Ellie collapses into her desk chair and roughly kicks off her Converse. After a moment or two, she notices the bottom-most drawer of her desk and the way it’s hanging off the frame precariously. Sighing, she crouches down on the floor and begins to rearrange its previous contents. 

At first, she shoves items back into the drawer at random, but she immediately pauses once her hand grazes across the fur of a pink stuffed animal. 

Barbie Bear. 

She picks up the stuffed animal and stares sadly into its plastic eyes. Noticing that the light pink ribbon around its neck has gotten loose, Ellie delicately attempts to retie it back into a bow. After a couple of lopsided tries, she’s eventually satisfied once she’s able to center the ribbon correctly. She carefully places Barbie Bear back into the drawer before returning to restore its contents with more consideration. 

After replacing a few pairs of old earrings of yours into a small box, she picks up a stack of old letters that she’d tied together with a piece of brown twine. Ellie resists the urge to go through each of them, but when she notices that one had fallen out of the stack and is now lying on the floor, her willpower dwindles almost instantly. 

Ellie picks up the envelope gingerly, almost as if she’s afraid that her touch will cause it to burst into flames. She reads her name on the front written with green ink and flips it over to where the flap of the envelope is torn open. She runs her fingers over the wax seal that had secured the letter inside: the design of Saturn amongst several stars. Nervously, she slips the card out from inside and unfolds it to reveal your handwriting. 

Dear Ellie, 

It is currently 4:27 A.M. and I can’t sleep, and for some reason, I can’t stop watching that story you posted on Instagram earlier over and over. The one of you singing and playing your electric guitar to that Aaron Taylor song. Not to be gay as fuck, but it is so easy to get lost in the sound of your voice. Also, I really like your lips. And your hands. 

I know I said this yesterday already, but you’ve been overworking yourself way too much lately. I’m glad that you’ve been putting a lot of effort into your schoolwork, but have you eaten? When was the last time you had a full meal (microwaveable ramen does not count)? Have you been taking any time for yourself? It’s really sweet that you still make time to come hang out with me most days, but you need some you time too, you know. 

Not that I don’t love seeing your goofy face all the time. I don’t know, I think me writing all that out is me casually acknowledging that I have attachment issues and attempting to work on it. Oh, well. I’m pretty attached to you, fucking dork. 

Okay, heading to bed now. Hopefully, I’ll actually be able to fall asleep this time. But hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow (I know I just said that you need to take more time for yourself, but shut up). You’re always the best part of my day. 

Ellie can’t seem to let herself read the final piece of the letter, the part where you’d signed your name. 

She delicately folds the card once more and places it back into its envelope. Turning it over in her hand and tenderly running her fingers over where you’d addressed her name, she wonders if your handwriting is still the same as it was all those years ago. 

Reluctantly, Ellie tucks the letter back into the stack before tying them all securely together once more. 

Earlier That Evening 

Ellie was fifty-two minutes late to her supposed “date” with Daniela. This was Ellie’s third failed attempt at reacquiring Joel’s old motorcycle jacket, and they had previously decided to meet up outside the coffee shop on campus where Daniela recently started working after the end of her shift. 

But after Ellie’s unexplained absence from their meeting, Daniela bitterly stormed back home to her dorm. She had half a mind to say no when Ellie called her with a half-assed explanation and asked if she could come over to retrieve her jacket. But after giving in, Ellie arrived at her dorm room within half an hour. 

It wasn’t a total shock to Ellie when she was greeted with a look of annoyance when Daniela opened the door for her. Ellie attempted to feign a guilty expression, but all that she could muster was an indifferent grimace. Daniela said nothing as she silently beckoned Ellie to follow her and come in, an AirPod playing music loudly in one ear. 

Ellie took a quick glance around the place, never having actually been inside Daniela’s room before. The twin-size beds, old wooden dressers, and scuffed-up desks were an all-too-familiar sight for Ellie, having gone through the same torturous experience herself only a couple of years back in her freshman year. But a few things were different as Daniela and her roommate had attempted to really personalize their living area. Ellie tried not to make a face of repulsion when spotting a few Taylor Swift concert posters above one of the desks. 

Daniela plopped onto, what Ellie had assumed was, her bed but made no gesture that welcomed Ellie to do the same. She merely stared at her passively as Ellie tried to avoid looking her directly in the eye. 

“You’re an hour late.” Daniela pointed out. 

“Only fifty-two minutes late.” Ellie attempted to joke. 

Daniela only hummed in response, unsmiling. She picked up a faded brown jacket that was sitting on top of her pillow by the collar and handed it over to Ellie. 

“Thanks,” Ellie muttered, tucking the jacket under her arm. “Uh, thanks a lot for looking after it. Needed it back ‘cause it’s really my dad’s old jacket.” 

“Oh, sorry. I would have given it back sooner if I knew that.” Daniela replied, not sounding the least bit sorry. 

“It’s okay.” Ellie mumbled awkwardly. 

There was an uncomfortable moment or two of complete silence where Daniela continued to merely gaze at Ellie, unwavering and unapologetic, while Ellie focused her eyes on her Converse as she wrung her hands together. 

“Hey, look…” Ellie eventually spoke up. “I really am sorry about being late. I just had a really important emergency that I had to deal with.” 

“It’s fine,” Daniela replied remorselessly. “Tara told me that you suddenly had to deal with some shit.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“Tara. Tara Maclay. She works with me at Ruston.” 

“Oh, right.” 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“Your ex-girlfriend, right?” Daniela asks unexpectedly. 

“What?” 

“Your ex-girlfriend. The shit you had to deal with tonight.” 

“Oh, uh…” 

“No point in lying, Ellie.” Daniela shrugged. “Tara already told me the gist.” 

“Oh. What did she say exactly?” 

“Not much. Said that you needed to help deal with something for someone you both know. She didn’t tell me exactly that it was your ex-girlfriend, but it was pretty obvious. I read between the lines.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“She really shouldn’t have told you all that.” 

“She was ranting to another co-worker and I overheard your name and I was curious.” Daniela shrugged again, unabashed. 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“So you still into your ex or something, Ellie?” Daniela spoke up again. 

“She’s not really my ex-girlfriend.” 

“Whatever.” 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“Well?” Daniela asked. 

“It’s kind of complicated.” 

“That’s just the bullshit way of saying yes,” Daniela rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t matter if she’s your ‘ex’ or whatever.” 

“Look, Daniela—” 

“I know we aren’t serious or whatever, but I don’t really feel like dealing with someone else’s ex drama.” 

“There’s no drama. I don’t even speak to her anymore.” 

“And yet you ditched me to go and help her out with something earlier.” 

“It’s not like that. And it was also an emergency.” 

“So you said.” 

Ellie wasn’t sure why she felt the need to explain herself to a girl she barely knew. Part of her felt compelled to do so as if she could continue to actively ignore her feelings by saying these things out loud. 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“God, you’re such an asshole fuckboy, Ellie.” 

“Hey, what the fuck—” 

“You know that you can get girls and do, but you just like to fuck around with them and play with their feelings.” 

“Alright, first of all, you said yourself that we’re nothing serious. We’ve barely even done anything.” Ellie said defensively. “Second, I literally just said that I don’t even talk to her anymore! Not even tonight!” 

Ellie scoffed as Daniela rolled her eyes once more. 

“Look,” Ellie continued through gritted teeth. “I’m sorry that I was late tonight. And I get it if your feelings are hurt. But nothing’s happening between me and my ex.” 

“You just said that she wasn’t your ex.” 

“Sh-she’s— she’s not, she’s—” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Daniela muttered as stood up from her bed. “At this point, I’m over it, and I really don’t give a fuck anymore. You’re hot and all, Ellie. But this is not worth it.” 

She popped an AirPod in her ear once more and sauntered over to the door. 

“Word of advice. Figure out your feelings for this ‘ex’ of yours and decide if you actually wanna be with her or not before getting involved with anyone else. Nobody deserves that hanging over their head, especially when you’re so clearly still in love with her.” 

And with that, Daniela opened the door and peered at her expectantly. Ellie took the hint and walked towards her direction and through the doorway. Before Ellie could fully turn around and give any parting words, Daniela shut the door in her face. 

Present 

Ellie collapses onto her bed next to Joel’s old motorcycle jacket. She pulls her phone out again, contemplating calling Jesse and Dina once more. But realizing they’ll probably call her if they have anything important that they feel she needs to know, she drops the phone down to her side in defeat. 

She continues to lay in her bed for a while, stewing in her unresolved feelings with nobody to confide in. Closing her eyes, her mind begins to race against her will with reminders of the path life led her down after you. 

First was Marisol. Less than two months into sophomore year of college, Jesse and Dina were completely aghast to see Ellie walking around campus with a girl they’d never seen her with before. She was in Ellie’s Aerospace Engineering class, and Ellie had claimed to have had an eye on her since last year. Jesse and Dina watched helplessly as their friend flaunted her new girlfriend around everywhere for the next couple of months. 

Ellie wasn’t initially sure what it was that attracted her to Marisol in the first place. She was naturally beautiful with her long, black hair and slender figure, and she was the textbook definition of a perfect girlfriend. It took two and a half months of overly extravagant dates and bouquets of Marisol’s favourite flowers and late nights spent at her dorm room for Ellie to understand what it was about Marisol that she was drawn to: it was her eyes. Down to the specks in her irises and how her eyelids curved, Marisol’s eyes resembled yours far too well. After coming to this harrowing realization, Ellie quickly broke things off with her tactlessly and with a half-assed, mostly untrue justification. 

The next was Luz who she had met during her near-daily workouts at the gym with Jesse. Ellie spent several autumn weeks with them, allowing Luz to whisk her about to different parties with different groups of friends every weekend. But one fateful night when they had dragged Ellie to a party at the same Sigma Eta frat house where you’d both first met, a bad acid trip cemented the end of her time with Luz. 

As Ellie’s dilated pupils focused intensely on Luz’s black boots, a pair very similar to your favourites, she felt a sensation begin to roughly tug at something inside her. From her spot on the living room couch, her eyes darted up to a spot by the wall where a small group of partygoers were congregating. She zeroed in on a random girl she’d never seen before whose multi-coloured features, as a result of LSD brain fog, began to morph into those of someone she was desperately trying to forget.

Once the last parts of the stranger’s face had fully formed to impersonate yours, she abruptly stood up from her slouched position on the couch, muttered an excuse to Luz about using the bathroom, and desperately begged Jesse to come pick her up immediately. After Jesse helped her click on her seatbelt in the passenger seat with a tight-lipped expression where he fought the urge to remind her of the significance of this house, Ellie never looked back and swore never to trip on acid again, subsequently ghosting Luz after that night. 

A couple of weeks before winter break, she met a sweet and quiet girl named Simi. They met through a dating app during one of Ellie’s crossfaded swiping sprees at 2 in the morning. Ellie’s affair with her was extremely short-lived, ending things with her a day before everyone left campus to head home for the holidays. While spending the day hanging out at Simi’s dorm room as her new girlfriend packed for her trip home, Ellie suddenly and unfairly started a fight with her after Simi had begun to mindlessly sing the song “Merry Christmas Darling” under her breath. 

Ellie had unkindly demanded for her to “shut up” immediately, understandably hurting Simi’s feelings. The fight was short and confusing, as Ellie had refused to elaborate on her sudden explosion. As she unceremoniously marched out of the dorm room, Ellie aggressively tried to suppress memories of you singing that same Carpenters song on a loop all of December of the previous year. You’d claimed you couldn’t get it out of your head and needed to sing it out loud at least fifty times a day so you could stop thinking about it. Though Ellie had playfully cussed you out and thrown several pillows at you on multiple occasions, that song now belonged to you forever and nobody else. 

After Simi were strings of countless others, some who had used Ellie as their brief college lesbian experience and many whose names Ellie would never be able to recall. She never hooked up with the same person more than twice, never actually took another one out for an actual date until Daniela. 

Ellie had found Daniela incredibly pretty when she’d first laid eyes on her on a warm September afternoon earlier in the year. She was lounging on the quad as Dina did her homework and Jesse lazily strummed his guitar when a group of freshmen walked by. Ellie hadn’t spared them a glance until one of the girls approached her, all shy and giggly, and said that one of her friends found Ellie very cute. After pointing Daniela out and asking for her number, Ellie shrugged and relented. She ignored Dina and Jesse’s identical judgmental looks and eye-rolls in her peripheral vision. 

Ellie enjoyed the undivided attention of someone completely enamoured by her. Daniela was constantly responsive, did whatever Ellie wanted to do, and was always so eager to please her. Ellie’d bring her to the movies, go on long drives with her in her Jeep, take her to whatever restaurants she’d want to eat at. 

To anyone who keenly observed when they were together, it was quite obvious who was far more invested between the two. Despite spending an ample amount of time with her in the past month or so, Ellie continued to keep Daniela at arm’s length. On multiple occasions when Ellie’d convinced Jesse and Dina to allow Daniela to accompany them, the long-time couple would watch how disconnected their friend was from this new girl she’d been seeing.

Dina would constantly give Jesse a raised eyebrow look that silently would ask, “Is she really serious?” to which Jesse would give her a tight-lipped, wordless grimace that replied with “We both know she’s a fucking dumbass.” They both placed bets on when exactly Ellie would eventually ditch this new girlfriend. 

Unbeknownst to them, it’s Ellie who was so easily discarded this time around. Feeling so unmoved and unaffected about the split with Daniela, Ellie tries to feel some kind of guilt over her lack of reciprocation. It’s her own actions, after all, that landed her dumped in the first place. She’s never fully seen Daniela as an actual girlfriend, and she knows full well that she shouldn’t have strung her along. 

But as she continues to lay in her bed, ocean green eyes shut and a hand woven through her auburn locks, she thinks of only you. 

Ellie can’t remember a single moment in her life when she’s felt more in need of another person’s company than she does at this very moment. Unable to trouble Dina to be her listening ear as she always is or bother Jesse to bluntly set her straight as usual, she feels the loneliness of the gloomy, dark room creep into her guilty conscience. 

Her fingers begin to mindlessly search her bedsheets as she continues to stare at her decrepit bedroom ceiling, seeking for her silver joint box that had fallen out of her pocket when she’d collapsed on her bed. Instead of the feel of cold metal, her hand comes across something smooth and warm. Pulling the brown leather jacket up to her face, Ellie’s mind murmurs a single word. 

Joel. 

She pulls her phone out to search for her father’s face within her favourite contacts. She hesitates for a moment but pushes herself to call. 

Joel picks up after only two rings. 

“Ellie? Jesus, kiddo, what the hell time is it?” 

“Hello to you too, old man.” Ellie chuckles. 

“Everythin’ alright?” Joel’s voice asks, tired but urgent. 

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I guess.” 

Ellie can almost hear her father sitting up straight in bed. 

“What’s wrong, Ellie?” 

“I-I…” She stutters. “Joel…” 

With a whimpering tone, she suddenly recounts the night’s events in complete detail. Joel listens attentively, only ever interrupting with sharp intakes of breath and hushed, imperceptible asides. After listening to his daughter’s sorrowful spiel, he finally speaks. 

“Oh, baby girl…” Joel utters. “I truly am sorry. It’s been a real rough night for all of y’all.” 

“Yeah…” 

“That poor kid… I’m glad she had you three lookin’ out for her tonight.” 

Ellie says nothing to this, pursing her lips. 

“How about you, Ellie?” Joel continues. “How are you feelin’ after everythin’ that’s happened?” 

“I-I’m not really sure. I’m not sure I know how to feel.” 

“That’s okay. You don’t have to just yet. It just happened and all.” 

“All I feel is so much fucking guilt, Joel. It feels like my mind is empty but overflowing all at the same time. I feel so motherfucking powerless and I don’t know what to do.” 

There’s a moment of silence before her father speaks again. 

“You given any thought to the conversation we had before you left for school, kiddo?” 

Last August: Jackson 

Ellie’s bedroom was full of boxes and bags packed with everything she planned to bring to college for her junior year. The space was slightly more barren, closet mostly empty and trinkets missing from her shelves. It was only a couple more days before she, Dina, and Jesse would be making their journey back to their university, and she was uncharacteristically ahead of schedule. 

Leaning against her desk with a box full of comic books on the floor next to her, she was casually perusing an old graphic novel when Joel appeared in her open doorway. 

“Knock, knock.” 

“The door’s open, old man. Also, you can literally just walk in, you know.” 

“Who raised you to have so much cheek against your elders, kid?” 

“You, dude.” 

The pair smirked at each other’s smart-mouthed retorts. 

“Need any help packin’ up?” 

“Nah. It’s pretty much done except for a handful of essentials.” 

“Including that book you’re holdin’ right now?” 

“Like I said: essentials.” 

Joel chuckled. 

“Well, the Changs sent over some dinner for us, if you want some. Wisa made K-kaw… Khao Tom Pa… no, Plah…” Joel stuttered, making an effort to pronounce the Thai dish correctly. “Khao Tom Plah, that’s it. She brought some over earlier, thought we might want some. She even made it without the prawns, just the way you like it.” 

“Sick. She’s the best. I’ll text Jesse later to thank her.” 

“Good.” 

Joel lingered as Ellie went back to reading her comic, wistfully looking around his daughter’s nearly vacated bedroom. His eyes fell on a small box sitting at the foot of Ellie’s bed. It was an ordinary, cardboard box just as the others were, except it was heavily sealed with multiple layers of silver duct tape. He frowned. 

“Still plannin’ on bringin’ that box?” 

“What do you mean?” Ellie asked, knowing exactly what her father was referring to without looking up. 

“You know you can just leave it here at home, right? It ain’t like I go through your doohickeys when you ain’t here.” 

“So you do go through my shit when I am here?” 

“Ellie.” 

“What?” 

“Why the hell are you doing this to yourself, kid?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“We’ve been having this same conversation for the past year now.” 

Ellie finally peeled her eyes away from her graphic novel, tossing it on the desk behind her and crossing her arms. 

“You’re the one who keeps bringing it up, Joel.” 

“I bring it up because I know that you ain’t been talkin’ about these feelings with anyone. Not me or Jesse or Dina. It’s been a year since you ditched that poor girl, and you’re still sulkin’ over it.” 

“She ditched me.” 

“Hold your horses; we both know that ain’t true.” 

“What do you want from me, old man?” 

“I want you to be happy, kiddo.” 

“What makes you think I’m not happy?” 

“Now, don’t try to bullshit me. You can grumble and deny it ‘til the cows come home, but even after all this time, all you ever do is brood and pine after that girl. Plain as day to anyone. You ain’t been the same since y’all broke up.” 

“We weren’t together.” 

“Yes, you were.” 

Joel ignored his daughter’s subsequent eye-roll before continuing. 

“You still have the box, Ellie.” 

“I just forgot I even had it.” 

“And yet, you’re bringin’ it to school with you, just like you did last year. Why?” 

“It was just in my closet stuffed in with all this other shit I don’t touch. Had to take it out while I was packing.” 

“That ain’t amount to a hill o’ beans. And you still ain’t answer my question.” 

“Sorry, dude.” 

“Ellie. You and I would down to Beacon Run all the damn time back when you were growin’ up. You used to beg me to go for dinner whenever you had a hankerin’ to order that cheesy crab dip with all those chips and jalapeños and such.” 

Ellie raised her eyebrow, unsure where her father was going with this. 

“Then all of a sudden, a few years ago, you seemed to hate the place. You’ll maybe get a plate of fries and nothin’ else. Matter of fact, I can’t, for the life of me, recall the last time I’ve seen you eat a plate of seafood with any kind of shellfish in it.” 

Joel’s greying eyes pierced Ellie’s ocean green. 

“Two years.” He continued. “It’s been two years. You almost never eat any kind of seafood no more, and even the Changs never cook us anythin’ that has shrimps or scallops or anythin’ of the like.”

Joel watched as his daughter stubbornly struggled to justify herself. He sighed sadly. 

“I wish you’d let yourself be happy, Ellie. You could be.” 

“That so? How do you figure that?” 

“First step is admitting exactly what is clear as day to everyone around you.” 

“Oh, yeah? And what is that?” 

Present Day 

“J-Joel… I-I…” Ellie sobs. “I love her.” 

“I know, baby girl.” 

Joel helplessly listens to his daughter’s desperate weeping from the other end of the line. 

“So,” He eventually asks in between her snivels. “What now?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” She sniffs. 

“Kiddo, why do you think your feelings don’t matter?” 

“Because relationships do not work for me. Love doesn’t work for me.” 

“Your relationship with her didn’t work. Past tense. It’s been years. It was a tough situation. You’re a different person now.” Joel clarifies. “And there’s plenty love ‘round you, kiddo. You got a lotta love in your life. I need you t’realize that.” 

“Except I-I’m not a different person, Joel. I-I am just an older, slightly more experienced version of myself. I-I…” Ellie stutters. “I’m afraid.” 

“Of course you are, kid. It’s only natural.” Joel replies. “But you can’t live your whole life closed off from the rest of the world. You need and deserve love, Ellie.” 

“Except I don’t, Joel! I fucking don’t!” She cries. “God, y-you just, you just don’t understand!” 

“What don’t I understand?” 

“She almost fucking died!” Ellie nearly screams. 

A silence falls between the two, only broken by Ellie’s hot and angry tears noisily dropping onto the old leather jacket. She grips it tightly in one hand before continuing. 

“I-if… if none of it happened… if I d-didn’t do all that to h-her all those years ago…” She stutters between shaky lips. “M-maybe she wouldn’t be where she is now. She wouldn’t have gone on a date w-with someone who didn’t know about…” 

Ellie chokes back a sob. 

“I-I… I would have known. I would have t-taken care of her. I would never have—” 

“Ellie.” 

“She needed me, and I… I let her down. Not just tonight. All those years ago. I couldn’t be what she needed. I fucking failed her.” 

“It’s not that simple, kid.” 

“Yes, it is! Her cousin fucking died! He was her whole fucking world, and she loved him more than anything, and he fucking died and I… I ran. I abandoned her.” 

The blurry memory of your sleeping figure in the passenger seat of Ellie’s Jeep appears in front of her, wrapped up cozily in her flannel as she drives you home from Jackson and naive to what lies ahead. 

“I know… I know what I’m capable of, Joel. I loved her so much all those years ago and… I still hurt her. I hurt her so fucking badly.” 

Your image transforms to one of you awake and livid, Ellie’s flannel torn off and tears streaming down your face. Anger and betrayal are etched all over your face, just like they were all those years ago. The shame she’d felt back then is incomparable to what she feels now. 

“I don’t ever want to do that to her again, ever. I just can’t. I won’t.” 

Joel sighs deeply before finally speaking. 

“Ellie. That fear is always gonna be there. But you’re young, and we make plenty of mistakes in our youth. God knows how much of my past I used to regret.” 

Ellie takes deep breaths as her father continues to speak. 

“Everythin’ that happened tonight? None of it was your fault. In fact, I reckon you’re the reason she’s still livin’ and breathin’ right now. I’m proud of you for that.” 

“All I did was—” 

“All you did was save her life.” 

Ellie sniffles but doesn’t respond. 

“Look, kiddo,” Joel continues. “As someone who has known you for a very long time, I know how much of a good heart you got. You’re a lovin’ person who deserves love. I wish you could believe that.” 

The sound of people entering through the front door echoes all around the empty apartment, but Ellie hears nothing else but the sound of her own agonized sobs. 

author’s notes:

belle posting TWO chapters of ncty within less than two weeks of each other??? what is this, may 2023???

saury for not posting this right away like promised yesterday, like i said, going thru some shit rn! but i hope y'all enjoyed regardless ♥︎

i'll give you a kiss on the mouth if you guess the bollywood movie i vaguely reference at the beginning of the chapter :)

the idea of reader being allergic to shellfish and going into anaphylactic shock came to me one day a while back when i was eating something with shrimp and randomly remembered that i am very allergic to shellfish and instead of being like, "i should go take some medicine immediately", i thought, "hmm this would be a wild plot point for ncty" LMFAOOOO

anyway, this is your reminder that if you have an epipen, don't be stupid, bring that shit with you wherever you go sldkfjsdl

the more of jesse that i include in this series, the more i enjoy writing him. he's such a fun character to write hehe

i thought having abby sipping on some hot, black coffee when ellie fucking canonically hates coffee was so hilarious, i pat myself on the fucking back for that one

yes i also pat myself on the back for the line regarding ellie's ocean green eyes and abby's sky blue ones. i fucking love parallels and symbolism. i'm a whore for them, in fact.

btw dina doesn't respond to ellie's phone call bc her phone died (prob from facetiming ellie for that long earlier in the night) and idk, jesse's either not paying attention or being petty LMFAO

the reappearance of barbie bearrrrr, my babyyyy. idk if y'all remember, but yes, barbie bear is a reference to the actual stuffed pink bear i sleep with every night named barbie. i had planned since chapter 4 (which is the chapter barbie bear is first mentioned) for ellie to have had her this whole time because i'm a fucking lunatic LOL

i mentioned in the author's notes section of the last chapter how reader's letterwriting hobby is inspired by me irl cause i do that all the time for friends, but reader's letter in this chapter is actually loosely based on a letter that soulmate ex wrote me, it's not word for word exactly, i altered it a bit to fit the story better, but it's very close because i'm INSANE, anyway

yes "i think i love you again" is on my playlist about my ex-girlfriend and "merry christmas darling" is on his playlist for me, go away

ellie's clear aversion to taylor swift is both a reference to a previous chapter where jesse subtly mentions her dislike for her and also to my personal belief that ellie really would not like her as a person or an artist at all irl lmfao

the names of all of ellie's ex gfs or whatever are inspired by something very specific but that's another heehee secret trivia that nobody else but me will ever know about (let's be real, i'll prob tell star later LOL)

i named jesse's mom after one of my fave co-workers hehe (and the dish she makes for them is thai bc my co-worker is from thailand)

ellie's declaration of love about reader that she makes to joel has also been a long time planned now, idk why i knew it was gonna be chapter 13 when i did it, but i just knew it was. it was always the plan for her to confess it out loud to joel first, above anyone else

the final conversation between ellie and joel is heavily inspired by a scene from one of my fave tv shows, crazy ex-girlfriend. the scene makes me bawl every time i watch it. please watch crazy ex-girlfriend. so good.

we really are thirteen chapters into this series, huh? crazy. anyway, love y'all. <3

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[vampyresovereign]

TWISTED CHARACTERS AND THE MUSIC I THINK THEY'D LIKE! (savanaclaw ver.)

the part two i promised for no one specifically. i'm mainly doing every dorm because i want to -isa<3

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

I actually think Leona would listen to music fairly frequently. He's a rich kid, I def headcanon he got one of them expensive ass sports cars and probably speeds on the highway blasting music, pissing off literally everyone else tryna drive home from work. His music taste would be surprisingly diverse, too. He'd probably like a mix of 2000s rnb which includes like Rihanna, Ne-Yo, AALIYAH SO OBVIOUSLY, Akon, and he'd be a (not obsessive) Beyonce stan. He'd listen to NYC and UK drill, and since I headcanon Sunset Savanna to be an East African inspired nation, he'd probably have some Kenyan/Tanzanian/Ugandan/Rwandan artists on his playlist too (since those countries are where Swahili is spoken widely.) I don't have any artists to name but if yall know some put me on.

RUGGIE BUCCHI

Ruggie, similar to Leona would have diverse music taste. Probably grew up surrounded by music, listening to whatever was on the radio while cooking sum for his grandmother, and now he uses one of Leona's ten credit cards to pay for his Spotify premium. He def listens to albums when he's chilling on his bed, studying/trying to unwind after a long day of running around. Though he grew up on similar traditional East African music, his favorite genres (IN MY OPINION) would be alternative hip hop and indie music. He LOVESSSSS Kanye West (tcd to yeezus), Tyler the Creator (and honestly all of OFWGKTA), Gorillaz, Childish Gambino, Vampire Weekend, and early alternative hip hop artists like the Beastie Boys, A Tribe Called Quest, Cypress Hill, etc. He was also probably put onto Britpop through Gorillaz, and likes Blur, Oasis, and (it's a secret tho) he fucks with Radiohead's "ok computer" album.

JACK HOWL

Jack is a canon gym rat. we already know he listens to music like HELL while he's bench pressing and doing pushups. I think he'd have similar music taste to Ruggie, excluding the "indie" part. (and he probably uses apple music, too.) Jack enjoys alternative hip-hop, and west coast hip-hop. He'd like Kanye and some of Tyler's popular songs, but he'd REALLY enjoy early 90s west coast rap like N.W.A, Dr. Dre. 2PAC ESPECIALLY, KENDRICK LAMAR ESPECIALLY. His favorite album is probably good kid maad city.

period -isa<3

[incorrectbatfam]

I h3ad cannon athat all the batfam members have had/are still in their emo/goth phases.

Example:

Bruce dressed as a bat and punches criminals at night (I also head cannon that he listens to the rolling stones and MCR)

Anyways thoughts?

Also what were the other batfam members emo/goth phases like?

Dick: He was hella neurotic in his late Robin/early Nightwing days. That plus his mullet and guitar tells me he probably tried to live out of a used van he bought for $700 after a fight with Bruce only to come home a week later when someone knocked on his window.

Jason: He's the theater/classic lit goth. When he was younger he would read by the glow of a candelabra even though the lights work perfectly fine. Post-resurrection, he graduates to the biker anarchist who has no problem launching a molotov at a CEO's mansion.

Tim: He's from the 90s. He's sitting in that Y2K grunge-emo-punk gray area where his playlist is a mix of the Clash, Nirvana, and Green Day. He's coloring his hair with Kool-Aid, playing with makeup, ripping his own clothes, and talking about new songs on AOL.

Damian: He's aiming for dark academia, but that's hard to pull off if you know what American schools look like. He annotates the margins of his books with notes he thinks are insightful but are actually just basic observations. Also he listens to Imagine Dragons.

Duke: This kid isn't emo or goth, he is a punk through and through. Sassing the cops? Jumping off a bridge? Leading a ragtag vigilante team? If he wanted to, I bet he can pull off a leather jacket with some homemade spikes while blasting Bad Brains and Death.

Cullen: Canonically, he watches anime and Supernatural, and I've made a lot of Tumblr references with him. He's definitely your quintessential 2010s emo nerd—Black Parade, fandoms, the whole shabang. He also definitely followed Dan and Phil.

Stephanie: She strikes me as the early 2000s pop-punker—think MySpace and Avril Lavigne. She probably had a Not Like Other Girls phase that she quickly grew out of. I can see her cutting posters out of magazines and sneaking her MP3 under an oversized hoodie.

Cassandra: She canonically listens to Killswitch Engage, so I like to imagine what she was like as a baby metalhead. Maybe she thrifted a Pantera shirt and chopped her hair with safety scissors. And at concerts she's absolutely up front when the wall of death happens.

Barbara: I think she dabbled in a little bit of everything without ever outwardly expressing it. Her playlist is all over the board, from softer rock to screamo. She also experimented with makeup a little, like black lipstick, and is more involved in the activism side of things.

Harper: She's definitely industrial punk with a huge emphasis on the DIY aspect of the subculture. She strings soda tabs into chains, turns old screws into boot spikes, and even learned to give herself tattoos. She also absolutely has a drawer full of patch pants.

Carrie: She's a TikTok e-girl, leaning into the pinks and purples along with black and white. She turns fishnet leggings into gloves and has a bunch of animal ear headbands. She also listens to Melanie Martinez and Tame Impala regardless of if they count as alternative.

Kate: Queer people play a huge role in the punk scene and vice versa. I can absolutely see Kate jamming out to an early Pansy Division track or searching places like Bandcamp to support smaller indie artists. Also she has a jacket that says "Nazi punks fuck off."

Alfred: Before punk and its subgenres, Alfred was canonically a delinquent and in that day, delinquency meant gelled-up hair and moving like Elvis. The hair didn't work out for him, but he was able to catch one of the first shows Buddy Holly played in London.

Selina: Alt cultures are based on not having much and working with what you got. Selina would use the five-finger discount at big-box stores and save her money to support small businesses. She also went around listening to free local rock shows on Fridays.

Bruce: He listened to the Rolling Stones before, but his first real intro to the scene was a handmade zine he found on the floor at school. From there, he explored more underground artists and took up journaling as a way to vent his feelings. And then: Batman.

[pinkhoodi]

music lovers !

✎ᝰ — music hcs on my fav spider folks <3

♡⃕ — 1610!miles morales, gwen stacy, hobie brown

♡⃕ — genre + warnings: fluff + no warnings

♡⃕ — a/n: thank you to @4kh + @cutenote for helping me outtt 🫶🏽

꒰ MILES MORALES ꒱

Ꮺ miles’ music taste would be a vast range of rnb, trap, hip hop, jazz, spanish, and any and everything connecting to his culture and he’s not picky with what to listen to tbh

Ꮺ I don’t believe miles has a favorite genre or set standard of what he listens to, it just genuinely depends on what his mood is or what he has on repeat at the moment. generally, it’s a song that he found from tiktok or a leaked song that he found on soundcloud. speaking of, miles has no shame using soundcloud as a streaming service

Ꮺ but miles does have a set genre for each part of his day or whatever activity he is doing. If he’s getting ready and on his way to school, some 90s rnb or 90s hip hop; when doing homework, he plays jazz music or some chill spanish music; during his drawing time, he’ll put on some chill trap music or try to find an album that connects with what he wants to draw

Ꮺ miles is very open-minded to his music taste so he’s not really one to say no to a specific genre. now there were definitely some albums he wasn’t a fan of, but he will explore the artist of that album. he usually gives artists another try, even if their recommended album wasn’t the…best

Ꮺ miles is definitely one to collect vinyls, especially old-school ones, he has them plastered around his room and some sitting in a bin. jeff gifted him a record player so the vinyls wouldn’t be collecting dust and so that they could both enjoy the music on jeff’s off days

Ꮺ miles has a playlist for like…everything, and I mean everything. he has a drawing playlist, a spiderman playlist, a playlist for gwen (don’t tell anyone), a playlist for when he’s overthinking, a playlist to change clothes, a playlist to brush his teeth, even playlists for his favorite tv shows. listen, this boy is very much so obsessed with music

Ꮺ he shares his love of music with his parents as well! I do believe rio is more open to his music suggestions than jeff. however, jeff can be more open to mile’s favorite artists, it will take him a while though. whenever it’s a quiet moment in the morales home, they let music play as the day goes

꒰ GWEN STACY ꒱

Ꮺ I do believe gwen is less open to music suggestions than miles is. like miles is very expressive with music while gwen isn’t

Ꮺ on a day-to-day basis, gwen plays 90s rock music or 2000s pop punk. she doesn’t really go by her emotions, but more like whatever song is stuck in her head at the moment

Ꮺ I believe that gwen was a major pop girl and was very in tune with the pop girls of her early ages, but later shifted into the punk/rock category. a couple of avril lavigne songs and that girl is screaming teen angst at 4 a.m

Ꮺ also gwen has a heavy liking for indie/alt music ! she likes her underground artists or artists that can combine other genres easily. she also has a love for artists like tv girl, girl in red, and frank ocean

Ꮺ technically, gwen would explore the sub-genres of punk and rock but doesn’t dwell for too long. She doesn’t mind heavy metals but prefers not to listen to them all the time, wouldn’t wanna shatter her eardrums since she’s spider woman

Ꮺ she also listened to a lotttt of female artists and female groups, and she’s a huge fan of girl groups! but I think she’s more into the older groups like spice girls, pussycat dolls, etc. I do think she would be into kpop girl groups and would be into ones that make like bubblegum pop or “noise music”

Ꮺ she has certain artists that she can never get tired of and also some artists that she prefers that no one knows she listens to

꒰ HOBIE BROWN ꒱

Ꮺ now hobie is all around when it comes to music, he’s just about on the same level as miles tbh

Ꮺ hobie isn’t embarrassed about any genre that he listens to. so yes, he doesn’t mind getting laughed at for liking country music

Ꮺ now hobie is very big on music that was pioneered by black people, which makes him love genres like country and rock even more. he can never get over how much music is curated by, and usually for, black folks

Ꮺ now hobie is always gonna give his flowers to artists that he loves and shouts them out in interviews or moments when he’s caught on camera. also, whenever he’s asked what’s his favorite song at the moment, it never stays the same omg- one day he says alex isley and the next he says smino

Ꮺ on a daily, hobie listens to whatever he’s vibing out to at the moment. If he just finished a concert, of course he’s gonna keep the mood going and have rock playing; on a lazy day, some new school rnb; on the days of being spiderpunk, some trap music mixed with some old school hip hop; wash days would include jazz, indie/alt, and some rnb (old school and new school)

Ꮺ hobie has a playlist of recommendations for almost every important person in his life. he loves music and it makes his heart happy when he can share his love of music with others or enjoy watching people enjoy what he listens to

♡⃕ this been sitting in my drafts and somehow got the energy to write it ;p

♡⃕ I do love music and this is lowkey me just projecting my love for music onto one of my fav movies…anyways !

♡⃕ if you have more hcs on this, lemme know !

𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐏 💗: 1 john 4:7

© 𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟥 𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗁𝗈𝗈𝖽𝗂. 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗏𝖾𝖽

[hauntedraggedyanne]

more character quirks

take these as seriously or as unserious as you want

1️⃣: VERY specific habits

I’m not talking about doing their laundry at 8:30 and eating breakfast at 8:50. No. I’m talking about a movie they watch every time they have a bad day at work. I’m talking about the routine an artist/writer character makes in order to get an idea, maybe by walking around the block seven times or staring at a particular photo/artwork. Maybe the wizard can only make potions while singing cheesy 2000s emo songs and it annoys everyone else in the party to no end. The more specific and random you make this, the better. Think about if the habit is noticeable in any way, or if it’s something they do all by themselves or if they’re comfortable enough with the people around them to share. Your choice.

2️⃣: Song/music genre choice

The deeper you go into specific music genre niches, the more potential this has. Picture you have the whole team sitting in the car, and the driver picks their playlist, only for everyone to groan in agony because they only listen to 70s hippie music and they retaliate by saying that ‘they’re the driver, they get to play what they want’. Music can tell a LOT about a person, and you don’t have to lean in on stereotypes, because I don’t think anyone will get tired of the preppy, girly, rainbow character to give someone their headphones only for the other characters to be terrified at the screaming death metal. How willing are they able to listen to music they don’t like or appreciate, in turn possibly showing how well they work with other people with different viewpoints?

3️⃣: Friday night routine

It’s been a long week of work/school, and now finally it’s Friday. I’ve never met a single person who doesn’t treat Friday like a mini-holiday, and that can apply to fiction as well. Do they go all out and party with everyone they know? Or do they sit down to order pizza at home while they watch their favorite program? How willing are they to stick to their schedule, because if someone offers them to do something else, do they try their best to work with the other person or do they just refuse flat out? While this might not be the BEST reoccurring piece in your story, early on, it can tell a lot about someone, as well as giving the audience a sense of how they spend their free time, and what they do to relax or loosen up after a long week.

Yes a lot of these are VERY specific, it’s up to you to figure out how these little traits and quirks can showcase more important characteristics down the line, and also giving your audience a little piece of the character to remember so that they stand out in a sea of other unique characters.

[ermesskiss]

what music I think jjk students would listen to

✧ ft: yuji, megumi, nobara, maki, todo, yuta, haraki, kirara ✧ a/n: been thinking about this for a minute, and I decided to write out my opinions/hcs

jjk adult version here + jjk character playlist works here

reblogs and comments are always welcomed!!

· · ───────────── 𖥸 ────────────── · ·

✦ yuji

➥ he definitely listens to pop music with overall good vibes. I also think he would listen to R&B and rap, but nothing that is too vulgar, he is the stereotypical sunshine character so I don't think it would be in character for him to listen to music that is highly explicit

➥ I feel like yuji definitely listens to music from the 2000s and 2010s, the type of music you would hear on the radio as a kid during that time, the nostalgic type stuff,

➥ I feel like he's a big fan of some of the old Drake music and Kanye's graduation album. I also think he would love Tyler, The Creator

songs

♪ Stronger: Kanye West ♪ Loving Is Easy: Rex Orange County ♪ Games On Your Phone: 24kGoldn ♪ Glitter: Tyler, The Creator ♪ Headlines: Drake

──────────────────────────────

✦ megumi

➥ my favorite emo, he for sure listens to dorky music, such as Weezer (hence, gege made Island In The Sun his theme song), probably some alt and rock

➥ though everyone calls megumi emo I don't think he would listen to sad/depressing 24/7 unless something horrible happened to him (the recent manga chapter) I think overall for somebody as grumpy as megumi, he does listen to more upbeat, positive music

➥ I think that he would listen to older music, stuff from the late '90s and early 2000s; I honestly think he listens to a little of everything in regards to the era. honestly whatever he does listen to relates to him or has some kind of story or meaning to it, if yk what I mean

songs

♪ You Get What You Give: New Radicals ♪ QUEER: BROCKHAMPTON ♪ Time to Pretend: MGMT ♪ I Want A Dog: Weezer ♪ Wake Me Up When September Ends: Green Day

──────────────────────────────

✦ nobara

➥ listens to more women artists than men (a true girls girl) regardless of the music genre, she's going to be more interested in women singers

➥ since nobara is very confident in herself and her abilities, she listens to music that makes her feel confident. Seeing her listening to sad music as she self-loath isn't in character for her

➥ a large majority of the music she enjoys is queer-coded (she's a lesbian, fight me about it)

songs

♪ Brand New City: Mitski ♪ Cherry Bomb: The Runaways ♪ Silk Chiffon: MUNA ♪ Broken Clocks: SZA ♪ Just A Girl: No Doubt

──────────────────────────────

✦ maki

➥ I get the vibes that she listens to rock music and also likes pop and some R&B; it’s a mix of all three tbh

➥ similar to Nobara, I can see her listening to music that makes her feel powerful, little music that is self-loathing; she’s trying to keep up with her stern and strong appearance

➥ is a Megan thee stallion fan, listens to her while training

songs

♪ Conceited: SZA ♪ I’m So Sick: by Flyleaf ♪ Did It On’em: Nicki Minaj ♪ Cocky Af: Megan Thee Stallion ♪ Hard Times: Paramore

──────────────────────────────

✦ todo

➥ All upbeat music, not a single sad or depressing song on his playlist

➥ Because it’s all upbeat music, he usually listens to rap and R&B. His workout playlist is the only playlist he listens to

➥ Also listens to music from female artists that are his type (Megan Thee Stallion, etc.), and he tends to listen to music that is explicit about women

songs

♪ Baby Got Back: Sir Mix-A-Lot ♪ Started From the Bottom: Drake ♪ Faneto: Chief Keef ♪ You Better Move: Lil Uzi Vert ♪ DOGTOOTH: Tyler, The Creator

──────────────────────────────

✦ yuta

➥ I think Yuta's musical taste combines Yuji’s and Megumi’s. On the one hand, he’s a lover boy, sunshine MC, and on the other hand, he has an emo/self-loathing part of his personality

➥ Given the genres, I would say he would listen to rock, alternative, bedroom pop, and Indi

➥ I think that yuta is open to listening to any type of music, he's interested in hearing other people's favorite music and he's also a bit of people pleaser so even if he doesn't like he'll agree so the other person doesn't get upset

songs

♪ Can’t Dance, Don’t Ask Me: Weezer ♪ Creep: Radiohead ♪ Day ‘N’ Nite: Kid Cudi ♪ Television/So Far So Good: Rex Orange County ♪ Bad Habit: Steve Lacy

──────────────────────────────

✦ hakari

➥ Listens to rap and R&B, without a doubt, and maybe some rock music from time to time

➥ Knowing that it is canon that he is a rebel and doesn’t like following the rules, I can see it fitting him also the fact that he’s a bookie and a player

➥ he's a drake fan

songs

♪ Baby Keem: Baby Keem ♪ Bad and Boujee: Migos ft. Lil Uzi Vert ♪ I Don’t Know Dem: Chief Keef ♪ F**kin Problems: A$Ap Rocky ♪ Crazy Story: King Von

──────────────────────────────

✦ kirara

➥ Based on their appearance and fashion style, they listen to alternative, rock, and dance/electronic

➥ kirara definitely giving off 2000s emo type music

➥ Since hakari and kirara are always together, kirara started to like hakari music more

songs

♪ freak show: Punkinloveee ♪ Ginseng 2002: Yung lean ♪ Helena: My Chemical Romance ♪ GOOD LOYAL THOTS: Odetari ♪ Hands Up!: 6arelyhuman

──────────────────────────────

✧ a/n: I had a hard time with a few characters; you would think, since I have over 1.9k liked songs, it would be easier lol. Anyway, feel free to comment your opinions and/or if you agree or not

[tojipie]

i never thought I would love anything more than your prison bf! toji series but I'm absolutely WHIPPED for truck driver! toji 😭 seriously I love your writing your fics make my day <3 I love the way you characterize toji even though we never see him canonically in a domestic setting feels so natural and accurate !! you're my favorite author on tumblr I swear 😭 toji nation is alive and well because of your fcs

for a truck driver! toji fic, maybe you could write something based off of what kind of music they listen to while driving? like I can just imagine toji lowkey starting to like y/ns music after complaining about it lmao-

hope this wasn't a bother !! maybe we can be mutuals 🥺?? I write jjk and aor fics!! keep writing and good luck <3

~mirror (two person acc)

RAHHH THANK U :(( ofc we can be moots

────────────────────────

toji’s only rule on the road is the driver always gets the aux. and since you don’t know how to drive stick, you can imagine who’s in charge of the music every time you’re in the truck.

toji’s music taste is pretty reminiscent of the time he grew up in. a lot of late 90s and early 2000’s rap mixed with a sprinkle of 2000’s r&b (he loooovees ginuwine). if you’re into that kind of genre, you’ll sometimes sneak in a couple songs of your own by adding them to the queue. sometimes he notices, sometimes he doesn’t, but you think it’s a fun little game to play with him.

he doesn’t really like to sing along to any kind of music, it’ll happen sometimes in little increments but he’ll shut right up when he notices you giggling, it embarrasses him :(

he’ll get sick of his own playlists from time to time and let you hog the aux for however long he feels like. if your music taste is different from his, he’ll scrunch his nose up and tease you about it. if your tastes are similar, he’ll stay quiet and nod his head to the beat.

if your tastes are REALLY similar, it just gets him horny honestly 😭 he’ll turn to you when you queue up a song he hasn’t heard in a long time with a laugh like “what do you know about all this??”

[radioactivegummyworm]

EMO vs MALL EMO vs SCENE vs SCENECORE

i see a lot of confusion and arguments around what is emo/scene or not so i wanted to make this blog as a fan of most of these genres to hopefully help clarify a little!

EMO this genre is the ORIGINAL emo, although it sounds completely different from the emo music most people know today. it originated in the DC hardcore scene in the mid-80s, spawning from post-hardcore and hardcore and gained more popularity in the 90s. bands include: rites of spring, sunny day real estate, moss icon, cap'n jazz, the get up kids,

if you want to listen to some emo music, here's a spotify playlist i recommend!

MALL EMO mall emo is what most people think of when they hear the word emo. i call it mall emo (not sure if others do or not but i think it's most fitting) because it's the bands whose merch you would find somewhere like hot topic or spencer's(not a dig at mall emo i love this genre so much). it's the music genre(s) associated with the emo style and gained a ton of popularity in the 2000s. bands include my chemical romance, falling in reverse, all time low, panic! at the disco, fall out boy, paramore, pierce the veil, sleeping with sirens, evanescence, escape the fate, flyleaf, taking back sunday etc.

here's a playlist (i know it says actual emo music, i think they mean actual mall emo music as opposed to like yungblud + tx2 type shit)

IMPORTANT TO NOTE: EMO AND MALL EMO ARE NOT THE SAME THING!!!!! however, getting mad at someone for thinking mall emo is real emo is kind of pointless. because of the popularity of the emo style, the word has evolved to more assosciated with mall emo in pop culture than real emo. most people don't know the difference and that's not like a personal failing on their part that you need to be rude about! if/when you explain it to someone, be respectful! i'm looking at you, garrett!

SCENE scene is a subculture within emo, with its own more colorful version of the same fashion elements, that gained popularity in the late 2000s/early 2010s. there are a lot of different music genres within the scene subculture but the ones people most think of is crunkcore, which is a mix between electronic, hiphop, rap, and metal. bands include: dot dot curve, ismfof, attack attack!, millionaires, brokencyde, metro station, the medic droid, kill paradise, chunk! no captain chunk!, jj demon, breathe carolina, 3OH!3 etc

SCENECORE scenecore is a subgenre of hyperpop that originated on tiktok. it uses the aesthetic of the scene subculture a lot, and scene related things are often mentioned in the songs. however, the difference between scene lyrics and scenecore lyrics is that while scene music mostly has lyrics about sex, drugs, love, partying, clubbing etc scenecore lyrics are oftentimes about self harm or other harmful behavior or weirdly fetishize scene people. this is a problem because it's essentially just harmful stereotypes about scene trying to perpetuate itself as actual scene music. bands include: 6arelyhuman, kets4eki, odetari, rebzyyx, d3r, asteria, luvwillow, etc.

here's a playlist

IMPORTANT TO NOTE: SCENECORE IS NOT IN ANY WAY SCENE. scenecore isn't even related to the scene style like mall emo is, it's just hyperpop! if you want to get into scene, do your research!! listen to recommendations from actual scene kids!! 6arelyhuman is not scene!!!!!

[yuurivoice]

I remember a while ago, you answered an ask about Kendrick, something casual n stuff. I was wondering if there were any other rappers you enjoy, or rap/hip-hop songs in general?

Oh...oh buddy.

Yeah, so where do I even get started?

My introduction to hip hop and r&b was thanks to the pop radio station in Nashville (rip 102.5 THE PARTY) back in the late 90's and early 2000s. I have vivid memories of their Friday night DJ who would broadcast from a live venue simultaneously and there were standouts like Missy Elliott, Ludacris, Destiny's Child, Nelly, Usher...I'm forgetting tons of folks but you know the vibe. Then my Brazilian step bros helped get me locked in even more.

In my teens, growing up in the South it was Three Six Mafia, Lil Wayne, Jeezy. Goddamn a lot of Jeezy in my circle of friends lol

Eventually I was left to my own devices and found my own taste. Which is...? Eclectic because I find a song or artist I like and listen to them until I burn out and forget I ever liked them. 🥲

Really enjoy Weeknd, Kendrick, Cole (in the dog house currently bc what are those phobic ass cancel me bars?), Meg, JID, Run the Jewels, uhhhhhhhh...I am forgetting so many people. I only recently got Spotify and started trying to build playlists, so I've gotta go rummaging around my brain for all the music I've forgotten I liked over the years.

I got to travel a lot when I was younger, and had the added bonus of immediate non-white family in my life so I had significantly more exposure to diverse taste than if my old man and mom were the only ones influencing me. So I got to experience West coast vibes, and various regions of the South while primarily getting my music from what was hot on the radio at the time. Plus that was peakkkk MTV pop culture era, Cribs was my shit.

This also means that inevitably I really fucked with nu metal. I unironically think the only thing I crush at karaoke is Limp Bizkit. 🥲 Keep rollin I guess.

This is my brief intro to YuuriVoice's interest in hip hop. Thank you for asking! 🙏

[connorsnothereeither]

in a hyperthetical modern au, what tv shows or music you think your characters would like?

hmmmmm I’ve been cooking on this question since you sent it-

Ulysses: I feel like Ulysses is very folk music and blues, leaning into jazz maybe, when it comes to what he listens to. Maybe some classic rock in there, and I sometimes picture him listening to big band music from like,,, early 20th century, for some reason. I honestly really think,,, that Ulysses loves sitcoms and soap operas. I think he likes things like Friends, How I Met Your Mother, maybe even leaning into things like the Office. I think he fucking ADORES Grey’s Anatomy. If it’s not his favourite it’s close. Ulysses would find them comforting: long running shows with endless episodes. Something he could put on as a safety blanket because they’re like familiar friends. A season by season chronology of these characters lives; learning, growing, falling in love, discovering themselves. It’s the find of thing he writes about, after all. The history of peoples lives.

Virgil: Music wise, I think he listens to classical music a lot of the time honestly? I think he just likes it as background noise. The obvious answer feels like it would be true crime… but I don’t think so. I think Virgil knows true crime would be harmful for him to watch because it would feed his paranoia. But I think he LOVES quirky procedural dramas and monster of the week shows. Psych, Bones, Elementary, veering into the realms of Twin Peaks, X-Files, Buffy and Supernatural, even Gravity Falls. Things where there’s enough meat for him to sink his problem solving conspiracy brain into the lore, and the magic systems, and the week by week whodunnits, but fictional enough that he can, if he needs to, pull himself away.

Daniel Thorns: I think Dan in a modern AU would dig folk music a lot. I also think he’s a big fan of… whatever kind of horny yearning modern alt rock shit the can Dan & Neph playlist has going on lmao- but he probably has a soft spot for 2000s pop rock. In terms of TV… I don’t know honestly. I don’t think he’s the kind of guy to watch TV much. I think he likes,,, cooking shows. Great British Bake-off type beat. I think he puts them on in the background while he crafts and does leather working :)

Leopold: points at this 1920s bitch. That’s a Jazz Man. He likes Jazz. Even in modern day. In terms of TV shows, I think Leopold has a guilty pleasure for cosy mystery shows. Agatha Christie’s Poirot, Murder She Wrote, maybe even something like Only Murders in the Building. He just thinks they’re fun and cosy and he curls up with a hot drink and blankets on his big couch to watch them at night before he goes to bed. I think Daisy and Owen say they hate them and it’s cringey but will also get super engrossed walking by halfway through an episode, and up falling asleep on the couch with him while he watches them, and when he’s finished Leo carries them each to their room, despite the fact they’re like, fully 18 and 16.

C.W. Hare: This is gonna sound like a bad rabbit joke. But genuinely… I think he’d really like hip hop. Hip hop, R&B, potentially rap. I don’t know, there’s an energy to him that just screams it to me. TV show wise is complicated… I’m not sure honestly. I don’t think he watches a ton of TV by himself, but I think he will watch anything his friends put on because he wants to spend time with them and engage with the things they like. He’d watch anything J. Amp, or even Beckett, Artisan, or potentially even Jay puts on. He doesn’t watch the show for the show, he watches it to spend time with people.

[hybbart]

Do you listen to music while drawing? If you wanna share, I'd be really interested! Also related - do you think the music influences your art?

I do! It depends how hard I gotta concentrate, sometimes when I'm in the early sketching stage and I'm thinking a lot, especially a comic, I gotta not, and sometimes if I'm not thinking at all like doing lineart I put videos on in the bg. But most of the time I listen to music. (Also sometimes when I'm super duper stressed or overwhelmed and I'm drawing to calm down I listen to the music I have on my phone or play meditation music from youtube on it, just to get my headset off my head.)

I have a couple of playlists that are just some specific songs that are a mood, usually less wordy songs from OSTs or kawaii future bass type stuff. Sometimes though I just let my music play starting from like the most recent 30 or so I added so it's usually a jumbled mess. Occassionally if a particular song inspires a mood and I'm too lazy to search if I have any songs similar enough I just play that song on repeat until it's done. Recent songs I did this with are the Dandadan full opening and Osmanthus featuring Ado (which is one of those modern songs that are obnoxiously short so... I heard that quite a few times! I was given a couple songs similar enough to it that I made a playlist though including Okayu's cover of Flos)

I mostly listen to japanese music- current fav artists are Ado and Zutomayo- but I'll listen to most anything. I have a raau playlist that's basically "what do raau ranchers listen to while driving" that's mostly country music like the chicks and johnny cash. Recently I downloaded a bunch of late 90s and early 2000s music I hadn't gotten for some reason like barenaked ladies and linkin park and green day after my notepad doc I use to write songs I hear down got a bit full after a drive with my dad.

I'd say it influences my art when I let it. I can put it on as background noise or I can let it set a tone. Maybe it's not so much that it influences my art as it is that I am in a certain mood and I put on music that fits that mood. If I wanna draw something soft and pastel I'm not exactly putting on techn9ne or man with a mission! And if I wanna draw something actiony I don't usually play imogen heap or carly rae jepson. I'll make a temporary playlist. If I'm not in any particular mood, though, I'll just let my music play whatever in order added and become background noise. Usually it all ends up back at the masic block of shemusic at the start lol. I guess they're my best of queens.

(That said there are songs- mostly dance songs or musical OSTs- that I cannot listen to while drawing. I Just end up distracted and either singing or dancing...)

Uuuh this ended up longer than needed. remind me not to answer asks right as I wake up...

[musicalmoritz]

Nene’s Music Taste

I was trying to learn more about Nene’s canon taste in music, which she describes as “enka songs about cursing your ex-lover.” Most fans seem to think she’d either enjoy pop or goth music and, while she could certainly enjoy more than one genre, I wanted to figure out what songs she would realistically be listening to. Here is what I learned (Nene enjoyers, get your pens out)

Enka is a Japanese music genre that dates back to the 1950s. It somewhat existed before that in violin music and later with guitar, but the 50s was when the style really came into its own. It maintains elements from traditional Japanese music and is often used in karaoke. The themes are similar to American blues music, lots of talk about heartache and the struggles of life. Alcohol, love, death, and the weather are frequent subjects of enka songs. It declined a bit around the 90s due to younger audiences not being able to relate to the lyrics but it had a revival in the early 2000s (which is the period I suspect Nene would enjoy, as that is the music she would’ve likely heard growing up). Music artists tend to get creative with this genre, there are many enka songs that involve rap as well as elements of tango and jazz

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to find many sources that gave lyrics translations for the songs recommendations I found, due to the genre not being popular in America (I hate us😒) but I did find an article that had a goldmine of song recs!! “Japan’s Top 50 Bestselling Enka Songs” by Daniel Morales, if anyone wants to check it out

I was trying to find some songs to add to my Aoinene playlist but sadly I didn’t have a lot of luck. If there happen to be any enka music fans reading this who also like Aoinene I would love your recommendations. Here’s what I did find though (all of these are from the list cited above):

“Tearful Love” by Yashiro Aki. Yes, I did mostly pick this one because of the name but it is an angsty love song, very much Nene levels of dramatics

“Crimson Karma” by Segawa Eiko. A star-crossed lovers song, Aoinene certified levels of angst

“But It Would Be Nice If You Came Near” by Toshi Itō and Happy and Blue. The singer in the song blames themself for their bad luck in love, more Nene vibes

“Solo Journey to Michinoku” by Yamamoto Jōji. A song about a person wishing they could’ve died with their deceased lover. Could be Aoinene in the Ghost Hotel au or during the Severance arc. Orrrrr by the end of the manga if Nene doesn’t survive

I would also recommend Saburo Kitajima, I can’t remember if he made it onto the article or not (I found his name through Wikipedia, along with the history and qualities of enka music I described before), but I listened to one of his songs on Spotify and ya’ll…my ears have been blessed. Will definitely be checking out more of this genre

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Hey there. Since ace tav is a bard, just wondering if you have thoughts on the camps musical tastes/requests for her to play?

Hmm, I gotta think about this.

To start Ace!Tav loves taking requests. If they're been traveling for a while and somebody requests a song, they're more than happy to oblige. It makes them feel needed. If they can be just a little useful to their new companions they're going to take it.

As for Tav's personal taste in music, it's rather eclectic. All the music they've learned has been from what they've heard on the road from other bards. Probably a lot of folk music, and whatever the Faerun equivalent is to country, rock and roll, and the top 100. And, honestly, throw some jazz, soul and rap in there as well.

I don't think they're particularly judgemental when it comes to music taste. Music is everything to them. It's how they're able to express themselves and convey emotions they can't always articulate. Whatever music speaks to a person is good music.

As for the rest of the companions, here's their music taste based on ✨vibes✨.

Lae'zel: Would probably say she doesn't like/listen to music. However, if you introduce her to heavy metal, she's going to head bang with the best of them.

Karlach: Punk, all the way. Get that woman into a mosh pit.

Shadowheart: Late 90s/early 2000s nu metal and the emo scene in general. Yes, I've heard the jokes and I'm sticking to them.

Gale: Your dad's 1970s playlist. Is genuinely surprised whenever anybody 10 years younger than him had heard of Fleetwood Mac. Definitely loves the Beatles.

Wyll: Honestly the only one who sincerely enjoys classical music. Deceptively a bit of a music snob. Will go on about how some obscure soul album defined a generation. However, still enjoys the radio hits and anything romantic you can dance to.

Astarion: Genuinely hasn't put much thought into music before meeting Tav. Likes what he likes, and has a difficult time articulating exactly what that is. Some classic pieces. That one song he heard in a tavern once a hundred years ago. Some angry rock and roll. Some sad boy playlist. And a good scattering of who ever is Baldur's Gate's equivalent of Megan Thee Stalion or Dua Lipa. Bottom line his playlist is a goddamn mess.