#all the way down to the internalized homophobia babey

[screamingfrenchfries]

i watched american psycho for the first time the other night and i think i just realized that one of my oc's is literally just. furry patrick bateman.............................. whoopsies!!

[batfamtv]

girls like girls (1/2)

can you do a jealous carol x reader ? like reader has had long time crush on carol and admits her feelings only to get turned down bc carol has internalized homophobia and doesn’t know how to react. carol gets jealous when reader is moving on with another mcu character of your choice.

carol danvers x reader

warnings: homophobia (internalized), gay thoughts, angst

When vers landed back on earth, you were just a rookie, working as fury’s assistant

It was such a whirlwind, coming to discover that aliens exist when you were just some kid who landed a gig at SHIELD

After that wild ride ended, you were tasked (volunteered) to look out for goose

Goose loves you, he is babey

When carol leaves to help the skrulls, you asked her, “are you coming back to earth soon?”

She said that she’ll try, and then she left

It wasn’t until she left that you realized, you miss her...you liked her

And not just in a platonic way

A couple of months later, carol was hovering outside your window (you live on the 25th floor), smiling

It was 1 am

You bring her into the apartment and hugged her, elated to see she’s back!

You were very touched that she decided to come to you, to let you know she came back

And you thought, hey, now that she’s here maybe i could tell her…

You know back in the 90s the gay agenda wasnt it

And in those months when carol was gone, you thought that weird feeling you got when you were with her was just being in awe of her powers, or that feeling of wanting to be her so much that you feel jealous… or idk maybe constipation

But when you saw her again, you realized, those feelings were real, you like carol danvers, even though she was a woman, you had feelings for her

You thought anyone who exudes the energy carol has has to be gay right?

Being new to the gay scene yourself, you dont know how to gauge it, how to act knowing that you like her as more than a friend

You and carol opted for a midnight snack somewhere, just talking

You are literally *heart eyes emoji* just looking at her, talking about her adventures

You told her to stay the night, the world can wait a little bit, and she did!

Oop--there’s only one bed alert

She was fine sleeping on the sofa, or even on the floor beside your bed, but you insisted! She’s your guest!

You didnt wake up all cuddled next to her, you also unconsciously created a space between you two

But you woke up to the most beautiful thing…

You woke up facing her, and she was still asleep, the light rays on her skin shining like gold, and accentuates that little things

And you were like, “holy moly, i would NOT mind waking up to this everyday”

And just like that, you went from a questioning baby lesbian to a full on simp

You really said, “i love wamen”

And for 3 beautiful, blissful days, carol stayed with you

It was more than you could ever imagine

To a normal person, everything you did was routine, simple, and normal

You’d get groceries, discuss which shampoo is better, you’d teach her how to bake

You sit down from across each other, you sipping some tea while carol reads a book you recommended

And at night, when she thought you weren’t asleep yet, she’d scooch closer to you, so close that you can feel her breathing, feel her exhaling into your hair

And you can smell her, and you’re really giddy

And sometimes, when you’re so close to sleeping, you can feel her hand on your hair, on your cheek, run down your arm

And you feel safe and loved

Renting from blockbuster was amazing, carol loved it, marathoned a lot of movies!

And when the night came and you were high on gay bliss, you looked at her, inches away from you in bed and said, “i love you, carol”

Carol grinned at you, about to respond that she likes you too, that you are her dear friend who is helping her re-assimilate to earth, when she saw that look in your eyes, that there was something more

And she was so surprised...and confused

She looked at the shocked expression on your face, as you clearly did not expect those words come out of your mouth

And the first thing that came to her mind was but that’s wrong

She looked at you, both confused and stoic, and she got out of bed and walking backwards away from you

“I don’t…”

You sit up, still in shock, reaching out to touch her

“Carol, I--”

“I’m not a lesbian!”

You whimpered, now out of bed and reaching for her, “Carol, I’m sor--”

“Please don’t,” she looked away from you

And you took it as a sign of disgust

Carol was disgusted by you

By your feelings towards her, and by who you are

Tears now building up, your vision becomes blurry as you stopped in your tracks, now hurt by carol’s actions

Wordlessly, she took her jacket and straight to the door, closing it gently, not slamming it

She wasn’t mad, you thought, just in shock

So you waited for her to cool her head, almost hopeful that she’ll come back and admit her feelings to you too

You fell asleep on the couch

And when you wake up, carol wasn’t there

She didnt come back

read part 2 here

a/n: i'm alive again after 2 years lol, there's going to be a part 2 set in endgame! thanks for the support on my @dnymirs blog i love y'all

[wovenstarlight]

YWBK update: chapter 26 + liner notes

yesterday will be kinder has updated! you can read chapter 26 here, or start from the beginning here

as always, commentary below the cut

Yoojin🐉😊

watch this space....

In preparation for it, Han Hyunjae temporarily requisitions Yoojin’s laptop and combs through the internet looking for photos of the Hunters that he thinks his family should know about in advance. He goes down one too many internet rabbit-holes, takes way too many screenshots, transcribes a summary of the notes in his future diary, then painstakingly puts everything together into a neat little presentation for them.

picture HHJ reading his fifth article wondering where the sung family heir has disappeared to and being like 👁️👁️👁️👁️

had a little giggle to myself about “future diary” that phrasing was definitely on purpose. will exclusively be referring to it as this now

“Right,” he starts, clapping his hands together, after Yerim’s been sent off to play with Hohyoung.

LHH is so much of a background figure.... i want to see more of himself but he likes his privacy.... he’s got his girlfriend and his baby sister and yoojin who’s wormed his way into his good graces by way of Living In Same House but that’s kinda it....... he’s always lurking in the background instead of showing up on screen. come here hohyoung oppa i just wanna talk

Even if Yoojin’s right, Han Hyunjae still has to protest. [...] But he can’t keep it up when Jiyeon looks at him like that.

KJY has the world’s best Stern Mom Voice and Disappointed Mom Glare and to her great delight they work even on fellow adult HHJ. she will use this power For Evil

The other S-ranks are Moon Hyuna, leader of Breaker Guild, and Bak Mingyu of Hanshin Guild.

OK FOR THIS PART I STRAIGHT FORGOT ABOUT HANSHIN GUILD AND I WAS COUNTING UP ON MY FINGERS LIKE WAIT... IF YERIM WAS THE EIGHTH KOREAN S-RANK WHO WERE THE SEVEN BEFORE HER.... (for those curious they were 1. sung hyunjae, 2. han yoohyun, 3. moon hyuna, 4. song taewon, 5. bak mingyu of hanshin, 6. choi sukwon of MKC, and 7. yoon kyeongsoo of soodam. but. i forgot about the last three altogether.)

“Oh, blond guy,” Yoojin says, unimpressed. “Yeah, I’ve seen him on the news and stuff.”

Top 10 Funny Yoojin Moments (I JUST THINK IT’D BE REALLY FUNNY IF HAN “HAVE I MENTIONED IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES HOW HANDSOME SUNG HYUNJAE IS” YOOJIN DID NOT GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT HIM IN THIS TIMELINE....)

Han Hyunjae takes a moment to double-check that he really doesn’t have Noise Resistance (L), and looks back in time to see Yoojin rubbing at his eyes and glaring at the screen. 

HEHEHE...... A SECRET TOOL THAT WILL HELP US LATER

“Hyunjae-yah,” Jiyeon says, looking at the photo of Sung Hyunjae on screen, “this man looks—” “LIKE A PIECE OF WHITE BREAD,” Yoojin bellows. [...] “HYUNG THINKS HE LOOKS GOOD? [...] Oh, god, he kinda does, [...] but like, in a trashy romance novel cover way.” [... Jiyeon] gives the computer screen an assessing once-over. “He looks like the models in cologne advertisements.”

this part of the chapter was planned waaaay back in august 2020 and i actually crowdfunded these descriptions from the s-class server dshblksjdfkblsdfb. the original suggestions (thanks to server members for these):

“bland whitie potato with a slap-on seme personality”

“tacky valentine’s day/mom’s cologne advertisement”

“the face of the dude on the cover of all my mom’s trashy romance novels”

and tbh HYJ does think he genuinely looks good but like, disgustingly good, you know... also Hyung Likes Him so [19 gun emojis]

also me handwaving moment of mild homophobia because like. jiyeon doesn’t know yet AND homophobia is a thing in this world BUT i don’t really wanna do, All That (we already did it with HYJ once), so.

“Do S-ranks get rich?” Yerim asks as she enters, because apparently everyone’s coming for his life today. Han Hyunjae closes his eyes and lies down on the bed while Yoohyun calls out an affirmation over his head. “Then I think— oh! He looks nice!” He cracks open an eye just in time to see her nod. “I think ahjussi should marry him for the eye candy and the money.” She beams very wide. Han Hyunjae closes his eyes again and tunes out the loud conversation going on around him. And wishes, not for the first time, that he’d picked literally any other name when he first got here.

yerim says gay rights cuz she’s like 12 rn and she straight up does not really care. but says it in, like, the most frustrating way possible.

sometimes you just need to lie down even as the world keeps throwing shit at you. just lie down and nap for a little bit. especially when the shit in question is the alias regret you had literally back in chapter one of your 25+ chapter story. this is gonna come back to bite you in the ass Very Fucking Soon babe!!!!

You Oh this is like the 17th one I got wrong I swear this course is trying to kill me

me, flicking on that EPSON brand projector,

(i have. been having a Time of it.)

[Yoojin🐉😊 called you (21:35)]

that’s minutes and seconds babey... you can pretty much guess the content of call from context :(

well, uh. most of call. some internal plot and Realizations happening right at the end of those 21 minutes, 35 seconds. namely:

Yoojin🐉❤️

:-)

or i dunno you can be my roommate and we can both leech off my rich and prosperous baby brother!

[extremely sad voice] heehoo... they... care each other....

YMW’s parents are kinda shit ngl. they care about him, but unfortunately, that does not show through in their care for him, ykwim? if they just paid attention to what he was actually talented at and encouraged him in his efforts.................

well, he wouldn’t have met HYJ in canon. but he would also have been a lot happier!! and YMW deserves to be happy!!!!!!!! YMW fucking rights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You When you came with me to drop off Jihui’s standee. 

they finally remembered her name sjfbklsjdfbl

Yoojin🐉❤️ OH right i was talking to one of my new commissioners about their piece realized they were an old friend of hyung’s

HEEHOO.... HONKS MY LITTLE CLOWN NOSE yoojin forgot to ask about pronouns but that’s okay they’re figuring that stuff out still

Yoojin🐉❤️ it’s getting late the kids are going to bed i have to turn off the lights 

you can take the caregiver out the role of caregiving but he will still think of his baby siblings as his kids

Part of that is changing his behaviour. Hyunjae and Yoojin sit side by side and watch as Suk Simyeong gently coaches Yoohyun on how to interact with others and present a neutral, if not friendly, exterior.

[same voice as ingredience] neurodivergence.....

try and look them in the eye, or at least look somewhere on or near their face, if eye contact is too much

yoohyun, who’s the type to look people in the eye without blinking until they inevitably look away because then they don’t try that eye contact shit again later:

tbh i kinda made up shit for the Training In Formality section i don’t know shit about being Formal and Polite. hope i got it right :pensive:

“He’s not good with touch,” Hyunjae cuts in. [...] “Sorry,” [Yoojin] says apologetically to Suk Simyeong, crossing the room and gently pressing a hand against Yoohyun’s back. The kid slowly stops rocking and leans into the touch as he talks.

he’s not good with touch, Usually..... there are exceptions :-) every time i think about this being canon i go insane. wow. love and trust and faith.

Suk Simyeong nods understandingly, giving the closed door a considering look. “If that’s the case, perhaps he can take over part of the preparations,” he offers.

SSM who’s frothing at the mouth wanting to know more about this dude who apparently did some killer business deal with the head of Dungeon Task Force who all the dungeon people are gossiping about on their phone calls while they cart around unassuming A-rank businessmen: PLEEAAASEE fucking involve him PLEEEEASE make him involve himself in business with me

Still, Yoojin’s work is fairly repetitive and boring, so Hyunjae and the women pull out a pack of UNO cards from somewhere and start playing while he works, not paying much attention to either of the boys.

plugging my Han/Bak family playing UNO art here, please reblog like and subscribe,

He stares down at Yoohyun’s hair. Yoohyun’s wavy hair sits there judgmentally. Yoojin bemoans his budding career as a stylist and admits, “This… isn’t working.”

i’m sorry sweetie... hair isn’t your forte :( you can still do fashion if you try really hard

(fun fact about this whole scene, yoohyun not being able to straighten his hair until he could control flame resistance is Certified Canon!)

“No, shit, don’t get up.” Yoojin flaps his free hand at him distractedly. Hyunjae and his need to do everything himself, jeez. “I mean, like. The iron is not. Straightening.”

“hyunjae and his need to do everything” says the man who a few paragraphs ago wanted to be hair makeup clothing and management all in one

“Okay, but why is it not working, though? Is the iron not turned on?” Wow. Wow! Yoojin wonders suddenly if Yoohyun ever felt as homicidal towards him as Yoojin’s currently feeling towards his big brother. If he ever had, then it’s frankly stunning Yoojin’s survived as long as he did. “Do you think I’m stupid,” he snaps. “It’s plugged in.” “Yeah, but did you turn it on.” “You know what, why don’t you touch it and see?” Yoojin unplugs the straightening iron for a minute so that he can take it over to Hyunjae, presenting it to him with a flourish. The heat will hold on for the few seconds this takes. “Come on, touch it right now. I dare you.”

zmur put this into words better than i can, she described this part as “the feeling when elder siblings doubt your intelligence”--

“What if you used a regular iron. Like for clothes,” Hyunjae says, completely ignoring Yoohyun. Yoojin hums thoughtfully.

--and this part as “THEY ARE RIGHT TO DOUBT IT !”

“Killjoy,” Hyunjae mutters so only he and Yoojin can hear.

(should doubt your elder sibling’s intelligence too, once in a while. keep them on their toes.)

“HAN YOOHYUN YOU TAKE YOUR HAND OFF THAT RIGHT NOW,” Yoojin and Hyunjae and Jiyeon holler in perfect unison.

parental instinct for particular phrasings of commands

“Flame Resistance,” Yoohyun reads out. “S-rank.” It’s not heat resistance, but it’s pretty close, so it probably still applies.

hum hum the flame skill works on heat as well, huh

Yoojin’s watching Hyunjae idly when the flickers start up at the edge of his vision again. He blinks, rubbing his eyes idly, and looks back up in time to see, just for a split second— 

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE VISION PROBLEMS WAS IT? RUBBING HIS EYES WAS IT??

“Eh? It didn’t? I’ll… I’ll try it again, one second.” Nothing, for a second— but no, there is, pale flashes here and there. Yoojin shakes his head and blinks. They die down, then start up again. Fainter, this time. Why? 

gonna say this here because i accidentally set it up as a Thing there’s. there’s no reason. whether the message shows up or not is pretty much random error.

“Ahjussi has an L-rank skill?” Yerim demands. “That’s so cool!” Jiyeon and Yoohyun and Yoojin stare at Hyunjae in silence as he returns Yerim’s eager high-five. He cowers when he notices them.

these three are already so mad and they don’t know that between S and L there’s SS and SSS. they’re gonna be SOOOOO mad. anyway yerim remains the chillest in the room

“So, say you needed to cauterize a wound in an emergency, and you didn’t have access to healing items or Hunters. You could drop the Resistance there, set it on fire, and just… sear it shut.” Yoohyun blinks, an intrigued look coming into his eyes, and looks down at his own forearm. “That’s true, I could probably…” “Yeah, food for thought, I suppose.” “What the hell?!” Yerim yelps. “Though it’s up to you if you want to try it. I still think your hair is fine as is, we don’t have to—” “That’s horrifying,” Yoojin blurts. “No, I should know how. In case something happens like you said. How do I do it?” “Now hold on a second,” Jiyeon says, voice rapidly rising in pitch.

sometimes i think about how dungeon stuff made yoojin significantly more chill with violence and murder and self mutilation in some cases. and how he comments specifically (i think this might be in a slightly later chapter, possibly unreleased) that people like myeongwoo who don’t have those extra years of immersion in the dungeon culture still reject and avoid violence and killing whenever possible. really makes you think

anyway! i saved some extra commentary for those okay with spoilers. continue reading at your own risk. extra large warning in case you’re skilling

SPOILER WARNING FOR THE BELOW CONTENT!!!! IT DRAWS ON INFO FROM UNTRANSLATED CHAPTERS, POST-170S AT LEAST!

“How many of these people did you personally know?” “Not many!” “So one, then,” Yoojin concludes. “You don’t know that!”

HE DIDN’T SAY THAT YOOJIN WAS RIGHT, THOUGH..............

“Why did you pick his name out of everyone’s! I thought you weren’t in touch with S-ranks. I thought you picked a friend’s name!”

:)

they wanted some kind of bedroom decoration for a family member, counting sheep or something, i forget 

a sheep, for a family member of one of han hyunjae’s old acquaintances, is it

[nachosforfree]

The Click

Hey! I felt p inspired last night and made this,,, prince AU? Royalty AU? I'm not really sure what to call it but this is pure intrulogical babey.

Remus and Roman are twin princes (I know Remus is a duke in canon but monarchical roles confuse me so i just made them both princes), and Logan is a new castle servant that Remus meets. Warning for mentions of homophobia/mild internalized homophobia, though.

Remus sat boredly in his chair as the girl in front of him was introduced. He wasn’t really paying attention, glancing over at his brother who was being shown his own maiden. He knew that Roman wasn’t interested in her that way either, but he knew how to be more polite than Remus.

He looked forwards again to see the girl looking back, awaiting some kind of response.

“I’m sorry,” He started, idly looking down at his painted-black fingernails, “What was your name again?”

-

“This is the fifth time this month you’ve turned down a perfectly fine young woman!” Remus’ father, who happened to be the king of their land, paced back and forth in front of the young prince. “Will any woman ever meet your standards?!”

‘No’, Remus thought to himself, ‘My standard is a man.’ He didn’t dare say it outloud, though.

“I’m sorry, dad,” He said instead, “I just haven’t found anyone I’ve ‘clicked’ with yet.”

It was true. Even with the male partners he’s snuck out to be with, he never truly felt like they were the “one”.

After a little bit longer of his father berating him, Remus was finally set free. He made his way to the castle library. He hoped to find a new book on human anatomy and how to dissect it, or just any interestingly frightening books that would catch his eye.

Something did end up catching his eye, it wasn’t a book though. He was a young man arranging the books. Curly dark hair, deep blue eyes behind round glasses, and freckled skin on a round face, he held and placed the books with such gentleness one would think he was handling kittens rather than inanimate objects.

He caught Remus staring and gave a quick bow, before looking back at the cart of books he still needed to shelve.

“What’s your name?” Remus asked.

The man looked a little surprised at the prince speaking to him, but he placed the book he held down and turned towards him, “My name is Logan, your majesty.”

“I’m Remus.”

“I… know. You’re one of the princes, how could I not know that?”

Remus was sure he felt something in his chest click. He’d never had someone outside of his parents or brother speak to him like that. Like they thought or knew they knew better than him. Normally that kind of tone pissed Remus off and made him want to beat a dummy with his mace, but hearing it from Logan made his heart skip a beat.

“Right.” Was all that could come out of his mouth. Man, he sure must look smart right now.

Somehow he found himself walking towards the man, “So, uh, whatcha’ doing?” He wanted to throw himself off the highest tower.

“I’m putting books back into their place.”

“I’d like you to put me in my place.” Remus muttered quietly.

“What?”

“Want me to help?”

“What?” Logan looked dumbfounded. A prince. Asking a castle servant if he could help them reshelf books.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve read all the interesting books in this place by now, and I’ve got time to spare and I’m boredandyou’rereallyhotand so I want to help.”

“What was that middle part?”

“I’m bored.”

“No, I- Nevermind. If you really would like to help then here.” Logan moved the cart of books in between him and Remus. “The books are alphebetized. Read the author name, and then place it in order on the shelf with the letter corresponding to the first letter of their last name.”

“You got it, specs.” Remus took a book and did as Logan had instructed. “I haven’t seen you here before.”

“My mother works here, and was able to get me a place in the staff as well. I began working yesterday.”

Remus hummed, picking up another book. He meant to look at it’s author name, but found himself staring at Logan once more. The curves of his body covered by his clothes, the way his hair just barely fell overtop of his eyes, how his eyes lit up whenever he picked up a book he seemed to recognize, how were his eyes so blue? Remus had never seen anything like them. They were like sapphire stones, reflecting the light so beautifully and now they were looking up at him and had a touch of confusion and a touch of annoyance in them and oh no-

“Are you going to help or just look at me?”

“I’ll help but I’d like to keep looking at you as well.”

Logan flushed, and Remus reveled in it, how his face turned a pretty shade of pink and he quickly grabbed another book and looked away from Remus, “Are you usually this flirtatious with your staff?”

“No but I can make an exception for you.”

Logan looked like he wanted to smack Remus with the book, but he walked a little ways away to place it on a shelf instead. Remus grinned and finally looked down at the book he’d been holding the past five minutes so he could put it in its spot. Once he did, he went to reach for another and found his hand placed on another. He slowly looked up the arm of it to see Logan staring at their hands. They both pulled away.

“Sorry, I- uh- didn’t mean to grab your book.” Remus never wanted to wash his hand again.

“It’s...fine, your majesty.” Logan picked up the book and examined it.

“Just Remus is fine.”

Logan blinked up at him, “I’m not sure that’s appropriate.”

“It is if I say it is.”

“I...Okay...Remus.”

The sound of Logan saying his name sent waves of electricity through Remus’ heart, up to his face, forcing his mouth to turn up into a grin. He picked up a book and his grin fell, replaced by a sense of shame. The book was a bible, likely the very bible his mother used to read verses to him and Roman from.

“Uh,” He looked over at Logan, “This doesn’t have an author name on it.”

Logan looked at the book, then took it from Remus, “Oh, I know where to put this. I’ll be right back, your m- Remus.” He turned and began to walk away.

Remus fiddled with his hands, then quickly grabbed another book to give himself something to do. The electricity was gone. What would his parents, what would the kingdom say if he told them that he had found his consort, and that that consort was a man? It wasn’t forbidden in the kingdom for couples of the same sex to marry, but there’s no way the king would allow his son to marry a man. But Logan was the only person Remus had ever felt such a spark for. Such electricity in his veins for.. Such a click with.

As Remus put the book on its shelf, he felt a fire begin to burn in his chest. He didn’t care what his father or mother or the kingdom wanted. He knew Logan was the one for him. He just hoped he’d be the one for Logan.

“Remus!”

He looked over at the door of the library to see his brother, Roman, approaching him. He’d most likely just gotten out of his “date” with the young woman who’d been introduced to him, or what like Remus called it, Roman trying to fake it til he made it. He was holding his sword, which Remus swore he never put down.

“What do you want?”

“Come into town with me, there are some things I want to get. If you come I’ll buy you a sheep’s heart or something.”

Remus hummed in thought. A sheep’s heart did sound very promising. He looked at the cart of books and thought of Logan, though, and how he wanted to spend more time with him. He looked back over at Roman again, “Okay, I’ll go. Go wait out at the gate for me though, there’s something I gotta do first.”

Roman nodded and twirled around to leave, whistling a tune as he walked out.

Remus put some more books away as Logan finally came back.

“Would you like to meet in town tonight?” Remus asked.

“What?”

“I said would you-”

“I heard, but why?”

“‘Cause I want to see you again. Outside of the library.”

“Remus-”

“Just say yes or no.”

“...Okay, I’ll meet you in town tonight. At sundown.”

Remus gave a wide smile, “Yay! I have to go now, but I’ll see you then.”

He waved at Logan, who waved back, then turned and skipped out of the library, feeling as if he was walking on a cloud.

Roman was going to love hearing about this.

[horde-princess]

I honestly can see a very korrasami-esque ending for Catra and Adora. It’s totally obvious by now that Noelle meant for them to be romantic and that she would like to end with them on a romantic route. Unfortunately, I don’t know if DW will be onboard for something very “in your face”. So I can totally see them doing a korrasami ending but making it a bit more obvious that it’s romantic.

i know ive always said “they will definitely absolutely kiss no doubt in mind” but now that we’re at the end i think i should actually take the time to discuss this more… i’m what you might a call a realistic optimist because i choose to have faith but i’m not ignorant to the realities of the situation you know? so buckle up this is going to be a long and probably unpleasant ride lmao

to be real, going into the last season I’m trying to not let myself have too many expectations with catradora. I do 100% fully expect that their relationship will be shown to be explicitly romantic by the end, but unfortunately, yes, its possible that they may not kiss. i’m at peace with that and i hope this post helps you guys see my thinking and come to terms with it too

obviously i dont understand all the underlying mechanisms of producing a tv show. i do know that dreamworks has hardly been a progressive studio in terms of lgbt representation. there are a lot of factors that would go into a decision about whether to allow a lesbian kiss in one of their projects, not least the fact that She-Ra is a reboot. having said all that, i’m still optimistic and there IS evidence in favor of a kiss that i think is worth talking about! 

thinking about where to start with this discussion on Dreamworks vs. lgbt representation, Voltron came to mind. i’ve never seen the show but a quick google search brought me to this Geekdad article from an interviewer who did an investigation into Voltron’s lgbt rep failure and Dreamworks’ role in that. he argues that a lot of the blame belongs with the showrunners, because Dreamworks does at least provide resources and diversity consultants to help showrunners make respectful lgbt content, but the Voltron crew didn’t make use of them. the issue was not that Dreamworks actively blocked lgbt rep but rather that the studio did not work to ensure quality representation from the showrunners. which is a huge difference.

i dug a little deeper and found a transcript of an interview with the showrunners where they talk about the red tape they encountered, and what they say seems to implicate Voltron’s intellectual property holder as opposed to the Dreamworks studio itself. it sounds like Dreamworks’ hands were tied because the showrunners did not hold all the legal rights to the story.

of course we know IP is also an issue with She-Ra. however, correct me if i’m wrong, but I believe Mattel (the Masters of the Universe toy line) sold its property rights to NBCUniversal (Dreamworks’ parent company) a couple of years ago. this doesn’t mean all ties are cut with the original IP holder, but i think its safe to assume that She-Ra has some more wiggle room than Voltron did when it comes to the showrunners’ vision/creativity. especially because Mattel has been known to be pro-lgbt.

an interesting quote from Joaquim Dos Santos (voltron producer) was that after season 7, “She-Ra was in development within the studio and I think the studio was just sort of beginning to open its eyes to the possibilities of there being [lgbt] representation in their shows and there not being a huge public backlash for it.” 

Also, in a different interview they said “to Dreamworks’ credit, I think the tide started changing internally” regarding the studio’s outlook on lgbt rep around the time that seasons 7/8 were in production.

so in addition to potential IP issues, Dreamworks is obviously concerned about their reputation and losing money. however we can gather from these quotations that (due to recent cultural shifts in the U.S.) Dreamworks has felt comfortable making efforts in the last few years to distribute more/better lgbt rep.

you also have to consider that Dreamworks KNEW what they were getting into with hiring Noelle. it’s hard to know whether lgbt representation was the vision for the show from the beginning or whether Noelle brought it with her (tho it seems like the latter). but either way, the studio must have been actively seeking to improve their lgbt representation because i’m sure she made her vision clear from the very beginning.

There’s a great article where Noelle talks about the fight to include lgbt rep in She-Ra:

“When you’re aiming to tell a story like that, you have to get everyone who’s working on the show, whether on the crew, or at the executive level, to believe in that world as well. It’s all part of trying to create the type of world in real life that you’re creating in the show. While I hope it comes across in a natural way in the show, it’s something you have to constantly fight for. You can’t take it for granted. I never take it for granted. It’s a really important thing to fight for, and a lot of it is just, “Trust me, this is gonna work. Believe in me. I can pull this off.” I am really fortunate to work with executives who do believe in me and who have allowed me to do a lot with this show. I’m very fortunate for that.”

So that is awesome to hear!! It wasn’t a tug-of-war situation with Noelle having to make concessions for execs who didn’t believe in her vision. She says the studio was supportive. But I think only time will tell us what the definition of “a lot” is.

Okay so, whew, that was a lot of information. i’ll be amazed if anyone actually reads this far lmaoo 😂 anyway i wanna move away from logistical stuff and talk about some other things Noelle has said about her show.

geekdad did another great interview with Noelle (and a Dreamworks PR representative!! it’s a good read) where he asked “if you wanted to depict a same gender relationship with foreground characters, do you think we’re at that stage yet in children’s animation where you could? Or do you think we still have a ways to go?”

Noelle replies “I think that remains to be seen, and I think… that’s something that–you should watch the show. You should see the storylines that we pursue in the future.”

When asked about catradora’s romantic undertones, “just keep watching” is something Noelle has said repeatedly in many different interviews. She wouldn’t say that if there wasn’t going to be a payoff at the end. It’s obvious she’s not at liberty to discuss the ending of the show, you can tell she’s always extremely careful with her wording when she’s faced with questions like this. But she consistently expresses, as a lesbian herself, that she has created a show she expects her own community will be excited about. Whatever actually happens, Noelle doesn’t believe that She-Ra will let us down 😌

Shes also mentioned that she’s grateful for shows like Steven Universe and Adventure Time that were trailblazers before She-Ra, because every successive show has the opportunity to be a little bit more progressive than the shows that came before it. We all have to continually strive to push the envelope and demand more inclusivity. If it turns out that that’s all She-Ra is–a small step towards quality representation–then yes of course it will feel like a massive waste (just because this story Noelle created is so incredible), but we’ll have to remember that the show is still playing a very important role in the history of children’s media. Even without a kiss, She-Ra has made incredible strides in lgbt rep. what i would hate to see is people complaining (god forbid calling it “queer baiting”) if there isn’t a kiss. Noelle and the crew have worked on this show tirelessly and passionately and we can’t yell at them for something they had no control over. the only people we should hold accountable are Dreamworks/Mattel. so i agree with you there anon.

Personally, at this point, I’m just here for the ride because i trust Noelle Stevenson with my life and She-Ra is the best show i’ve EVER seen. and i’m gonna keep talking about catradora kissing because

[toxicpineapple]

my (personal favourite) writings from 2019

I don’t have anything for January because I guess I didn’t write/didn’t post anything then? At any rate, here are my favourite writings from every month of 2019.

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February:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17764769/chapters/41916899 : “To Give Life Meaning”, a 5+1 things Hinanami fic I wrote over the course of several days, mostly at night. The honourific situation with this one is messy and there are the beginnings of a lot of good lines? Like I know what I was trying to say. But it’s not the kind of thing that I would be happy posting nowadays. (Ignore the fact that it says it was completed in September of this year; I went through nine months later and separated the different sections into chapters so that it would be easier to read. I wrote and published all of it back in February.) This was the second Danganronpa fic I ever wrote.

Content warnings: Contains talk of suicide, and mentions of being suicidal. Generally in the past tense. Nobody is proactive in this fic.

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March:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18232343 : “Hold his hand”, the very first Amasai one-shot I ever wrote. I got the idea for this one late at night thinking about how Shuichi would react if his mom died. I was actually going to write this with Ryoma comforting him, or Kiyo maybe, but I ended up doing Rantaro because I watched all of his FTEs with Shuichi and was like… I do like this green man. Anyway, I’m glad I did, because if I hadn’t I don’t know if the Amasai series would… even exist. That’s really weird to think about.

Content warnings: Minor character death on the part of Shuichi’s mother. The focus of the piece isn’t her dying (as it is in fact from Rantaro’s perspective) so much as it is the conflicting emotions that it stirs up for Shuichi, but it’s still, y’know, someone’s mother dying. Anyway, read with caution.

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April:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18468478 : “Does it matter?”, a late-night fic where Aoi is conflicted about her sexuality and calls Makoto to talk about it. I wrote a lot of one-shots in April (I actually surprised myself going through them haha) but this one is my favourite because it touches on things that I don’t see addressed a lot. Makoto and Aoi are good friends. 10/10.

Content warnings: Internalised homophobia. It hasn’t triggered anybody that I know of because it’s mostly just Makoto giving advice and Aoi coming to the conclusion that she really likes Sakura in a not-so-platonic way, but y’know.

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May:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18776947 : “Shuichi thinks too much”, another installment in the Amasai drabbles series, and… wow. I literally only posted Amasai in the month of May. This one is my favourite (of the ones I posted in May, obviously) because it’s the one where Shuichi realises that Rantaro is claustrophobic and then they have a messy first kiss in the wake of Rantaro’s panic attack. I like fics where Character A kisses Character B and B has to be like… slow down partner… ur panicking. I also just like milking Rantaro angst so it’s a win-win. I go back and read this one periodically :)

Content warnings: Panic attacks, claustrophobia. Shuichi is exhausted in this fic haha but at least he has his shit together enough to know exactly what he’s feeling through the whole thing.

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June:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19210423 : “Quiet Moments”, an introspective drabble/character study in which Peko thinks about how much she loves Ibuki. Damn, I love Pekobuki. I haven’t written nearly enough for them. I wrote a lot of things in June (including an Undertale one-shot which was a strong contender for this spot just because this list is dominated by Danganronpa stuff) but this one is my favourite because it was just me… rambling about how much I love Ibuki… and projecting onto Peko. Which I do every time I write this pairing, but I didn’t make this list to call myself out, so yeah I’m just going to move on.

Content warnings: Peko briefly mentions that Fuyuhiko had to get an appendectomy within the piece, but it’s nothing intense.

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July:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19974424 : “Take his soul with a kiss”, a Grim Reaper AU in which Maki is Death and Kaito is a guy with the audacity to tell her to wait a week before grabbing her soul. I’ve finally hit the part of this summer where I was eating one meal a day and spending the rest of my time on my laptop writing fic. 14k words a day, babey! I wrote all my favourite pieces in July (Shuichi’s love hotel, the one where Rantaro pierces Shuichi’s ears, the domestic Hinanami, the one where Shuichi has a breakdown and everyone comforts him, that one where Shuichi is mean to Kokichi and then apologises) but this one definitely deserves to be here because it’s my favourite. I like Momoharu/Kaimaki/Harukaito (idk what y’all call it man) so, uh. Yeah.

Content warnings: Death is talked about a lot but I don’t want to spoil anything about the ending by saying shit so I’ll just??? It’s a Grim Reaper AU, procede with caution. Oh, and Kaito has a lung disease.

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August:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20442290/chapters/48499868 : “Causation and Correlation”, another 5+1 things fic (I have a good chunk of them) where Kyoko can hear death and so she goes around saving people. Also, in the end of the fic, someone saves her. It’s a cute fic and I love writing Kyoko so obviously this one is my favourite. (The one where Kokichi has parents and the Kaemugi fic I wrote that month are ones I really like too… this isn’t easy for me gamers ;w;) This is one of those fics where I was feeling extremely confident about my writing abilities the whole time I wrote it, and I’m still really proud of it.

Content warnings: Again, uh, death? Attempted murder, near-drowning, sickness, head injuries, and also attempted suicide. (Nobody dies in this fic, though.) Kyoko has her work cut out for her in this one.

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September:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20577251 : “Cigarette smoke”, a vaguely nonsensical Saimota piece I wrote where Kaito breaks down and Shuichi comforts him. I’ve only written Saimota twice and both times it’s been Kaito angst because you guys, you just, you don’t address his sadness at all unless it’s in Oumota (and we all know how I feel about Oumota). I should start referring to September as “the month of angst fics I wrote in the middle of the night” because that’s exactly what all of it was. This one wasn’t a vent fic, but there were a lot of them. September is also the month I started doing Amami week, so there’s a lot of that, too.

Content warnings: Kaito really… berates himself in this one. His internal dialogue is hard for me to read in this one because he’s super hard on himself. He also has a meltdown and starts hyperventilating at one point (and the way I write breakdowns is always super descriptive) so please make sure you’re happy and healthy before reading.

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October:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21195527 : “In the forever sense of the term”, what is probably my favourite Amasai fic at this moment, where Shuichi and Rantaro are forced to address Shuichi’s abandonment issues, and also there’s crying. A lot of it. From Shuichi mainly but a little bit from Rantaro too. I was surprised at how many fics I wrote in October because I was mostly focusing on Inktober I should think? I wrote a lot of original works in Inktober (though I ended up falling off the wagon at the end due to burnout) and it was a really fun experience! I think it strengthened my skills as a writer. Anyway this one is cathartic as hell.

Content warnings: The self loathing is strong with this one. It’s one of many mental breakdown fics that I’ve written this year. And there’s obviously the abandonment issues thing. Yikes.

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November:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21399748 : “One hundred and twenty six tiles on the ceiling”, where Himiko ends up bailing on plans she made with everyone to hang out and instead stays at home, stewing in self deprecation, until Ryoma shows up, and then everyone else comes to take care of her. Another one of those ones where everyone is there for someone after a breakdown. I like this one because Himiko is my baby and most of the angst the fandom puts out for her is centered around Tenko and Angie, which sucks because I headcanon her as having depression. Like, depression that is entirely unrelated to the people she knows kind of depression. I didn’t write a lot in November because I had a relapse, but I like this one anyway.

Content warnings: Depressive episode, disassociating, suicidal ideation, all the ugly things that come with depression. This isn’t a pretty fic. I don’t write depression as something that’s pretty or poetic because it’s not. It fucking sucks and that’s just how things are going to be.

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December:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21976864/chapters/52442179 : “An Ode to Yellow Carnations”, a 5+1 things fic where Tsumugi is a florist and Kaede takes different people to her shop until eventually she goes by herself. Is anyone surprised to see this one here? I wrote it for Tumblr’s Danganronpa Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2019 and went waaaay overboard with it. Which is probably why I like it so much. It took me ten days to actually complete, and I’ll frame it like I was diligently writing the whole time, but anyone who knows me knows that I never do things in that way. In truth I switched ideas for the fic four different times and then wrote half of it all in one night when I was hit with a surge of inspiration. I was really nervous that the person I wrote it for would hate it since it’s so long, lol. (Hi Alerane, I love you.) Anyway, I’m gonna think of December of this year as the month where I spent a really long time on a bunch of fics and then posted them all at once.

Content warnings: Very minor character death, mentions of alcohol use (nothing egregious, just recreational use on an outing with friends and all the characters are of age), also Kaede doesn’t go outside in this fic.

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I’m going to try and get out one more fic before the year ends. To be honest I wasn’t expecting to have updated Search by now so I’ve been kind of sitting around wondering what I should write. Maybe I should just start on the Aki chapter, but I’m kind of putting that off because writing those chapters takes a lot of energy and Aki’s is probably going to double Tsubaki’s in length. (Which is great, since Tsubaki’s was already a monster of a chapter on its own.) I’ve had a really great year for writing, y’all. I’ve made lots of friends and learned a whole lot about myself, and my writing style, and the characters I’m trying to portray.

I didn’t include any long-term multi-chapters in this list, like The Best Lies or my Fanganronpa (rip… I swear I’ll pick it back up again soon, I love those characters) but if you want to track my progress as a writer without reading eleven different fics, I’d really recommend reading one of those, because you can see it happening as the chapters go on. There’s so much that I’d probably write differently from where I am now as a writer, because that’s just how things work. Life is like that. You do things a certain way in the moment, and then later, you wish you could’ve done them differently. It’s impossible to live your life without regrets, or things that you’d like to do over again.

But for what it’s worth, I’m really happy that I don’t have to. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me this year. It hasn’t been the best, but it’s been all that it’s been capable of being.

Here’s to a new decade.

[arospecsyourblockdudes]

Updated fic list

I wrote more 

a rose by any other name: A gang of shit idiot demons kidnap Aziraphale and Crowley 1 year after the apocalypse didn’t happen to play a sort of game. They’re held hostage on opposite ends of the world, and given a year and nine riddles to find each other or they will both die

Not-So-Bad Omens: Husbands Antoni and Azaera have to figure out a way to stop the apocalypse while also managing relationship issues. Basically a reverse omens rewrite of the tv series

springtime: Fluffy one-shot kidfic. Involved a little babey girl who likes gardening, the South Downs, and chicken nuggets

″just as the angel cried for the slaughter”: Hunger Games AU. Crowley is a former victor of the games, who is living his life with his fiance Aziraphale and Aziraphale’s little brother Warlock. Everything goes haywire when Warlock is chosen to be a tribute and Aziraphale volunteers to take his place

ask me for the stars, they’ll be yours: Crowley struggles with depression for a while, and Aziraphale offers to help him cope and deal with it. Mostly projection. Good angst I guess

seeing the sky for the stars instead of the void: Companion to ^^ This one. Aziraphale also struggles with depression and copes worse than he’d like to admit. Mostly projection. Good angst I guess

″i did not die and yet i lost life’s breath”: AU where Aziraphale lies about giving Crowley holy water in the 60s and gives him normal water. Things kinda fall to pieces a Bit

prophecies often have double meanings; or “he is not who he says he is”: Newt and Anathema are both gay. Just some gay shenanigans involving coming out, found family, internalized homophobia, and being loved by the ones who mean most. Mostly abandoned but I might take it up again idk

″demons’ll charm you with a smile, for a while”: It’s 1846, and one Anthony Crowley has just arrived in London after escaping for prison and is looking for revenge. Sweeney Todd AU pretty much. Mostly abandoned, but I’m planning to finish it

the daily life of hell’s most exhausted janitor and heaven’s tackiest guardian angel: A story about Ailanthus, a moth demon who has been mopping the floors of Hell for 6000 years and is pissed beyond belief that the world didn’t end, and Ophanim, a  cheery guardian angel who loves Earth and all its wonders. 100% abandoned, at least for now

 in which aziraphale has ridiculously shiny wings and crowley defends the honor of spiders: First fic first fic! Just a fluffy one-shot involving wing grooming and stupid conversation