#all the trigger warnings I guess

[mildoctober]

Finally got out of an abusive relationship, 3 months free and still piecing back the pieces. Ramble ensues

I saw an Indie Nile video about antagonistic narcissism. Had never heard of this term but I guess it’s the most accurate description of my (24F) ex (31M). 2 torturous years of mind games and blame shifting.

He’d ruin any special occasion, “break up” with me close to my birthday or christmas and then love bomb/idealize me and practically hunt me down and pressure me until I got back with him.

One day he’d be making huge promises, then get mad at me for asking him to get me a cheeseburger. He’d follow hundreds of ig baddies and get mad at me for showing a bit of skin while he wasn’t around. If he knew I had plans with friends, throughout the day he’d make any conversation a struggle. He’d constantly, and I mean constantly accuse me of cheating. Yet he wouldn’t touch me or give me a proper kiss.

This guy had the nerve to give me a silent treatment for a whole weekend when we had plans, days later I run into him at a party, he tells me his dad has cancer (which broke me apart at the time but later found out it was a lie), that he wants me to forgive him for running away, tries to touch my leg, and when I pull away because I was overwhelmed, he turned his back and claimed I rejected him. He then went back to the dancefloor to snort k and coke and french kiss a friend. I stupidly intervened, tugging at his arm.

He came onto me mad “we used to do this before you came along, what’s your problem? this isn’t all about you - can you even imagine what I’m going through?” and promptly returned to the dancefloor until 10 am. I left immediately.

When I mustered up the courage to admit to myself that it had gone too far, that he was abusive, I tried to break it off. Many times. He would park outside my house, drive by my workplace and pretend he didn’t see me. He’d call me dozens of times, when I blocked him he created false numbers/accounts to reach me, sending pics of the parties he was at and telling me about the multiple women he was fucking.

Eventually I shut him out so he started sending me 1 cent on a money app dozens of times a day... he must’ve sent me 10 euros by the end of things. In the end he’d ring my doorbell at ungodly hours, even when I wasn’t home. My flatmate later asked me to leave because she didn’t feel safe, which I understand but was another huge blow and testament of what he stole from me.

I’m so ashamed I ever made excuses for him, that it took me so long to leave. But now that it’s over it’s like a fog has lifted. I feel like I wasted two years of my youth but I feel free and am not afraid of facing this new chapter anymore.

[nichiperi]

A few totally-not-cursed drawpile doodles from game night in the Bananapoop server~! They're all so normal and straightforward they need no explanation, I'm sure. (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

[dazii-kons]

I like the idea of Kon getting LITERALLY sick when he thinks/sees someone who’s romantically attracted to him,like he gets genuinely nauseous -mis it with eating issues and you get a week of not being able to do anything other than puke,and that just makes it all worse

He’s just: like what do you mean you wanna hold my hand and hug me and care for me???that’s not have that works bruh

he’s so used to not being seen as a partner but as a “accessory” or in sexual attraction he can’t handle the idea of someone wanting him and not what he can give them

(Especially when you remember how most his love interests ended up)

then add tim “it’s not that I can’t communicate properly I just don’t want to” drake to it or Cassie “I need to be okay so others can rely on me” Sandsmark

[expensivemistake]

matthew murdock parallels. earth 65 & earth 616

[jugger-heads]

why does no one talk for olivia?

[sprixyn]

yesterday, i brushed my teeth for the first time in weeks.

its not like i'm *depressed*, exactly, i just.. forget, y'know?

life is busy, and i'm busy.

and i'm always rushing from place to place.

there's no time to stand around for *two entire minutes* and *focus* on something other than my phone,

focus on something that's boring like self care or whatever the fuck,

focus on something that doesn't take up all my attention

so that

my thoughts

don't

...

i spat into the drain, and

it was a vibrant pink.

i stared for a moment.

i don't know how long.

that happens sometimes.

i just get...

unfocused.

i don't know.

y'know that camera effect they do in movies

where the focus stays the same

and the background gets further away??

it's kinda like that.

okay so i googled it!

apparently it's a "dolly zoom".

sounds wayyyy more fun than it feels, but the gif on the wikipedia page is pretty neat.

anyways. the point is, i zoned out.

staring at the pink splatters on the bright white ceramic.

and then

my eyes

slowly travelled upwards

to the mirror.

i wanted to know

why it was pink, i guess.

and then when i looked in the mirror,

i just didn't

recognize myself?

i swallowed, hard.

my tongue was heavy, and my throat was dry. that was weird, wasn't it?

hadn't i just

had something wet in my mouth?

something

like

...

no, sorry.

something like...

a toothbrush? yeah, a toothbrush.

where did it...?

anyways,

it tastes minty.

it doesn't taste like i just...

and the world zoomed out again, so fast it almost made me nauseous.

and

in the mirror,

it was

me at 16, staring right back at me with dull grey eyes

big shirt and no pants, the little rascal.

fresh scars all over.

must've been hot that day, i guess.

and... it was

holding a pill bottle

and

those

bright pink pills

were

spilled into my hand.

how strange.

the bathroom got far away again.

everything except for the mirror.

and then

it was

me at 12,

frantically bandaging my arm with a blank expression

and tear tracks on my face.

crumpled up tissues all over the place,

the blood and water turning them a lovely shade of pink.

two people were talking outside the bathroom, muffled voices.

were they angry? what were they saying?

i feel scared.

i listened close,

straining my ears

and

before i could think

the bathroom zoomed away again

and

it was

me at 6,

locked into the bathroom

since my door didn't have a lock

and i wanted to be alone

and

i was

crying so hard i couldn't breathe, because

i just didn't understand what i was doing wrong, and

i didnt understand why i was bad, and

that badness made people yell at me, or

why them hugging me hurt, when it was

just because they loved me, and

i was supposed to be grateful, or

why everything was so loud and bright, and

why the clothing i used to like, i just couldn't

wear anymore, because

it was rough and had tags,

but they didn't understand, so i had to

lie and say i just liked leggings, or

why i was

never good at being a girl.

why i was never like the other girls.

and why

i have to try harder, for it to work.

i have to

wear skirts, and

make the right faces, and

be shy, and

sit still, and

follow *all* the rules.

...

even if i

don't understand what the rules are, and

they scare me, and

i just don't understand, i don't

i don't

please, don't

i'm sorry, i don't

i didn't mean to

...

i just didn't make a very good girl, is all. and

there was something else...

oh. right.

my favorite color was green,

but i had to like

the color

pink.

...

.....

.......

and when i wake up on the unforgiving tile floor,

i am cold, and

my ass hurts like all hell.

must've sat on my tailbone, i guess.

my whole body is weak and shaking, and

my stomach feels weird. everything feels pretty weird, honestly.

and my back aches

like i'd been leaning over something all day, or walked a few miles.

i blink.

hard. and

i can see a constellation inside my eyelids.

it's beautiful.

and

i get up, and

i look in the mirror, and

i'm half afraid of what i'll see,

half burning with curiosity.

but

it's just me again.

and

my gums are bleeding.

and

it's pink.

[artzstartist]

An edgy alastor comic

[sonsband]

Hampster Book Roundup... 2!

[rolandkaros]

reason #3299874 why i hate tennis twitter: i hate how idealistic it feels to say “omg we’re ALL sort of right.” like there should be a substantial middle ground here somewhere and instead it always feels like im being weirdly diplomatic. people are spreading misinformation about how drugs and drug tests work. people are ignoring the very real and EXPERT opinions that were used in the process of ruling. people are pretending to be oblivious to why players might find the whole scenario upsetting anyway. people are projecting their paranoia about doping onto a case where it isn’t applicable. people are using completely impermissible evidence to prove why he obviously did or didn’t dope. nick kyrgios is an idiot. and we’re going in circles and have gotten no where and at the end of the day whatever YOU say will not change the fact that he did in fact get two positive doping tests AND the experts supported a conclusion of no fault no negligence. so where does that leave us.

[glitterdustcyclops]

btw i'm still thinking about what happens next, i sent it to one of my friends because i thought she'd find it compelling and that prompted me to start a re-read, i got to "no matter what" before i had to go to bed and just

the writing is absolutely masterful, to the point where i forgot i was reading a fictional story, it completely feels like something that actually happened and you are unearthing it layer by layer. and just the way it creates tension, that uneasy dread that just slooooowlly ramps up and up and up the further you go, to the point where you're hurtling towards inevitable trainwreck after inevitable trainwreck with no way to get off the ride? incredible work.

all these little hints and set ups pay off and wallop you directly in the face, and then all the moments of humor and the cutesy-indie art style just add in more dread and existential bleakness on top of all the actually really dark horror of the plot in the best way

as i put it to my friend, i've always had a thing for stories that take full advantage of the unique characteristics of the media they're being told through, stories that cannot be told any other way but the way they are, and this comic really understands that. no other media quite captures the toxic voyeurism of Being Incredibly Online and passively observing The Worst People go through horrible shit, digging through the artifacts of a life, a blog, to Consume as Entertainment

no one is free of sin here, not even us reading the comic, and it's so good, 10/10, absolutely cannot wait for the next chapter

[lyss-butterscotch]

Wanna talk more about system failure?

Ya know what? Sure. I'll bite.

You know how my hc for System Failure is. Rot slowly seeping into the puppet chamber. The utter desperate attempt to physically remove it because it's no longer something you can just unsee since its THERE invading YOUR space. Now seeping into YOU, whispering to you, the foreign voice in the back of your head to stop fighting. To tell you that there's nothing wrong, even the cysts growing pulsating from your joints are there to help you. LET it.

Make it worse. I dare you. Tell me the most utter horiffic prompt you can add into the bunch. Tell me all the details. Something that can REALLY make people question what the hell is this train of thought. Be it physical or mental details. Hit me with your best shot. Starting from now (the previous system failures prompts are archived. Ill get to them but they dont count to this.)

I will draw the worst one possible in all the details and delete the rest. Tell me in the ask if youre attempting this so i dont mix it up with normal asks i get.

Well. I apologize in advance people. Theres a storm brewing.

[firstkhao]

guys this is going to sound really heavy? insane? but. first of all going on a hiatus. i’ll put the rest in the tags because idk. it feels really weird doing this but also unfortunately it is very very necessary at this point.

[stinkrascal]

happy average normal everyday non-holiday sunday everyone

[somelazyassartist]

Wonderful things are happening in the Infinite Dungeon today

[pigeocore]

The scene where Martin sees Jane Prentiss for the first time has left a big inpact on me ever since I’ve lisened to it, so I tried my best to recreate it

(Reblogs appreciated <3)

[dreamytfw]

idk I just think celebrating Cas killing himself every year is, at best, tacky and tone-deaf. But #AlwaysKeepFighting I guess 🙄