#all the trigger warnings I guess

[mildoctober]

Finally got out of an abusive relationship, 3 months free and still piecing back the pieces. Ramble ensues

I saw an Indie Nile video about antagonistic narcissism. Had never heard of this term but I guess it’s the most accurate description of my (24F) ex (31M). 2 torturous years of mind games and blame shifting.

He’d ruin any special occasion, “break up” with me close to my birthday or christmas and then love bomb/idealize me and practically hunt me down and pressure me until I got back with him.

One day he’d be making huge promises, then get mad at me for asking him to get me a cheeseburger. He’d follow hundreds of ig baddies and get mad at me for showing a bit of skin while he wasn’t around. If he knew I had plans with friends, throughout the day he’d make any conversation a struggle. He’d constantly, and I mean constantly accuse me of cheating. Yet he wouldn’t touch me or give me a proper kiss.

This guy had the nerve to give me a silent treatment for a whole weekend when we had plans, days later I run into him at a party, he tells me his dad has cancer (which broke me apart at the time but later found out it was a lie), that he wants me to forgive him for running away, tries to touch my leg, and when I pull away because I was overwhelmed, he turned his back and claimed I rejected him. He then went back to the dancefloor to snort k and coke and french kiss a friend. I stupidly intervened, tugging at his arm.

He came onto me mad “we used to do this before you came along, what’s your problem? this isn’t all about you - can you even imagine what I’m going through?” and promptly returned to the dancefloor until 10 am. I left immediately.

When I mustered up the courage to admit to myself that it had gone too far, that he was abusive, I tried to break it off. Many times. He would park outside my house, drive by my workplace and pretend he didn’t see me. He’d call me dozens of times, when I blocked him he created false numbers/accounts to reach me, sending pics of the parties he was at and telling me about the multiple women he was fucking.

Eventually I shut him out so he started sending me 1 cent on a money app dozens of times a day... he must’ve sent me 10 euros by the end of things. In the end he’d ring my doorbell at ungodly hours, even when I wasn’t home. My flatmate later asked me to leave because she didn’t feel safe, which I understand but was another huge blow and testament of what he stole from me.

I’m so ashamed I ever made excuses for him, that it took me so long to leave. But now that it’s over it’s like a fog has lifted. I feel like I wasted two years of my youth but I feel free and am not afraid of facing this new chapter anymore.

[nichiperi]

A few totally-not-cursed drawpile doodles from game night in the Bananapoop server~! They're all so normal and straightforward they need no explanation, I'm sure. (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

[dazii-kons]

I like the idea of Kon getting LITERALLY sick when he thinks/sees someone who’s romantically attracted to him,like he gets genuinely nauseous -mis it with eating issues and you get a week of not being able to do anything other than puke,and that just makes it all worse

He’s just: like what do you mean you wanna hold my hand and hug me and care for me???that’s not have that works bruh

he’s so used to not being seen as a partner but as a “accessory” or in sexual attraction he can’t handle the idea of someone wanting him and not what he can give them

(Especially when you remember how most his love interests ended up)

then add tim “it’s not that I can’t communicate properly I just don’t want to” drake to it or Cassie “I need to be okay so others can rely on me” Sandsmark

[expensivemistake]

matthew murdock parallels. earth 65 & earth 616

[jugger-heads]

why does no one talk for olivia?

[artzstartist]

An edgy alastor comic

[rolandkaros]

reason #3299874 why i hate tennis twitter: i hate how idealistic it feels to say “omg we’re ALL sort of right.” like there should be a substantial middle ground here somewhere and instead it always feels like im being weirdly diplomatic. people are spreading misinformation about how drugs and drug tests work. people are ignoring the very real and EXPERT opinions that were used in the process of ruling. people are pretending to be oblivious to why players might find the whole scenario upsetting anyway. people are projecting their paranoia about doping onto a case where it isn’t applicable. people are using completely impermissible evidence to prove why he obviously did or didn’t dope. nick kyrgios is an idiot. and we’re going in circles and have gotten no where and at the end of the day whatever YOU say will not change the fact that he did in fact get two positive doping tests AND the experts supported a conclusion of no fault no negligence. so where does that leave us.

[glitterdustcyclops]

btw i'm still thinking about what happens next, i sent it to one of my friends because i thought she'd find it compelling and that prompted me to start a re-read, i got to "no matter what" before i had to go to bed and just

the writing is absolutely masterful, to the point where i forgot i was reading a fictional story, it completely feels like something that actually happened and you are unearthing it layer by layer. and just the way it creates tension, that uneasy dread that just slooooowlly ramps up and up and up the further you go, to the point where you're hurtling towards inevitable trainwreck after inevitable trainwreck with no way to get off the ride? incredible work.

all these little hints and set ups pay off and wallop you directly in the face, and then all the moments of humor and the cutesy-indie art style just add in more dread and existential bleakness on top of all the actually really dark horror of the plot in the best way

as i put it to my friend, i've always had a thing for stories that take full advantage of the unique characteristics of the media they're being told through, stories that cannot be told any other way but the way they are, and this comic really understands that. no other media quite captures the toxic voyeurism of Being Incredibly Online and passively observing The Worst People go through horrible shit, digging through the artifacts of a life, a blog, to Consume as Entertainment

no one is free of sin here, not even us reading the comic, and it's so good, 10/10, absolutely cannot wait for the next chapter

[lyss-butterscotch]

Wanna talk more about system failure?

Ya know what? Sure. I'll bite.

You know how my hc for System Failure is. Rot slowly seeping into the puppet chamber. The utter desperate attempt to physically remove it because it's no longer something you can just unsee since its THERE invading YOUR space. Now seeping into YOU, whispering to you, the foreign voice in the back of your head to stop fighting. To tell you that there's nothing wrong, even the cysts growing pulsating from your joints are there to help you. LET it.

Make it worse. I dare you. Tell me the most utter horiffic prompt you can add into the bunch. Tell me all the details. Something that can REALLY make people question what the hell is this train of thought. Be it physical or mental details. Hit me with your best shot. Starting from now (the previous system failures prompts are archived. Ill get to them but they dont count to this.)

I will draw the worst one possible in all the details and delete the rest. Tell me in the ask if youre attempting this so i dont mix it up with normal asks i get.

Well. I apologize in advance people. Theres a storm brewing.

[filmnamtans]

guys this is going to sound really heavy? insane? but. first of all going on a hiatus. i’ll put the rest in the tags because idk. it feels really weird doing this but also unfortunately it is very very necessary at this point.

[stinkrascal]

happy average normal everyday non-holiday sunday everyone

[somelazyassartist]

Wonderful things are happening in the Infinite Dungeon today

[pigeocore]

The scene where Martin sees Jane Prentiss for the first time has left a big inpact on me ever since I’ve lisened to it, so I tried my best to recreate it

(Reblogs appreciated <3)

[dreamytfw]

idk I just think celebrating Cas killing himself every year is, at best, tacky and tone-deaf. But #AlwaysKeepFighting I guess 🙄

[edwardshundredyearoldspunk]

you've heard of checking the locks ocd! you've heard of hand washing ocd! but have you heard of did that really bad thing happen? oh my god what if that really bad thing happened? I need to spend every waking moment trying to remember if that really bad thing happened! why? I just do! no calm down it's probably ocd…unless…that really bad thing happened! no it didn't! yes it did! did it? no, surely I'd remember something that bad right? but what if I repressed it because it was so bad? no!

[doberbutts]

I just saw your post about how testosterone has helped your disability tremendously, which if I remember correctly is hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (but maybe I’m wrong). I’m agender and have been considering early menopause to help with my abundance of menstrual health issues, but if t helped your hEDS too that makes me really want to consider it further. If this is too private you absolutely don’t have to answer it but I’d love to know more as a fellow disabled person.

It's POTS actually :) though POTS is highly comorbid with hEDS and I *am* hypermobile, to a degree that I made my physical therapist wince with how easily I can assume positions that should noooooot be possible without pain when I was in recovery due to my car accident. She actually asked me if I have EDS and I said well I have POTS so... not officially but is it possible sure I guess.

So no, I do not have hEDS. But also yes I might have hEDS. Schroedinger's diagnosis.

No, testosterone helped my POTS symptoms disappear to almost nothing. This is at least partially because POTS does not get along with estrogen ans menstrual cycles, and taking testosterone lowered the estrogen in my body and also stopped my menstural cycle. Don't get me wrong, I still have some symptoms, but they are dramatically improved. I can do all sorts of things I used to not be able to.

There is... a bit of debate whether I have POTS at all. But I do have MCAS and, as said, I'm hypermobile, so very likely yes POTS is very likely. But with my NCAH diagnosis, it's equally possible that I *do not* have POTS, because NCAH also causes weird changes to your vasovagal response and your autonomic nervous system. In other words, do I have POTS AND NCAH... or do I just have NCAH?

Personally I don't really care because adding testosterone fixed the symptoms way better than anything the POTS meds were doing so w/e, if it works it works.

It's "makes you intersex and sometimes gay disease but also you faint a lot and your body *really* sucks at handling stress disease". To be fair the classic form of CAH can just outright kill you if not well controlled. Nonclassic CAH by comparison sometimes still tries really hard but is less likely to do more than give you some serious medical trauma.

So like. Am I fainting because my body doesn't know how to handle stress which triggers a response of my autonomic nerve and because my adrenal glands are too busy making androgens to give me some fucking cortisol to communicate with my autonomic nerve, the thing guesses wrong and I hit the ground as my body attempts the biology version of "have you turned it off and then back on again"? Or am I the unluckiest fucker on the planet and I have two annoyingly underdiagnosed but much more common than we thought disorders which both hate estrogen and make me faint a lot?

Or, bonus, since POTS joins PCOS in the "disorder named for a symptom that's not even diagnostuc criteria and no one actually knows what causes it" family, is what we're calling "POTS" actually a group of symptoms that has a wide range of causes and my cause for my own symptoms IS NCAH? Who knows 🤷‍♂️