#all of my family dies relatively young and poor

[tratserenoyreve]

been a bit but i am still Around, just. went through the death of my grandma and thinking about her life and the destruction of her family's culture and how frustrating and poignant it is to see in parallel with world events. my feelings towards her are complex but i do grieve that we didn't get to celebrate her birthday this year. i haven't had much i've wanted to say i'm just ambling along and am nebulously sad, hoping that things improve for friends and loved ones.

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck, family & alcoholism

Collection of thoughts and speculation on Chil’s upbringing, his dynamic with his family and how alcoholism ties into it all. If you want the groundwork info on Chil’s background I recommend my masterpost on his family, here beyond a summary of the facts it’s really just me speculating from the crumbs we get of his parents and siblings, how it’s all affected him and in turn affected his own wife and kids etc etc.

There’s nothing more I’d like on mother’s day than to speculate about Chilchuck’s maladaptive attachment style. I’m fascinated by how distant everyone is and how much he’s been devoted to them all despite having been so absent. Intergenerational trauma get over here

Actually it’ll be easier if I make a rundown here too, it’s just stuff I reiterate from my masterpost tho.

Tiny table of contents: 1- rundown: family facts 2- rundown: alcoholism 3- dad 4- parenting 5- daughters 6- wife

^ Every time his dad gets mentioned. His mom never gets mentioned. His siblings I think are only ever mentioned in this extra, and then there are more ambiguous relatives cameos.

We know is hometown isn’t Kahka Brud, but we’re not sure wether he moved there upon getting his own house (presumably around when he got married at 13), or if it’s only after his wife when he rented out his place to relatives then rented the place in Kahka Brud.

If he rented it out to relatives, maybe that meant it was in his hometown? Especially if he and his siblings are "almost strangers" so presumably he doesn’t really keep in touch with his family. And I mean, he hasn’t seen his wife or daughter in 4 years so you can imagine how he’s like with his more distant family…

Additionally half-foots and Chil are very coded to be from an impoverished opressed working class people. So that’s the context.

I’ll say that I mentioned intergenerational trauma at the beginning, and I def think the distrust of elves is part of that, but here I want to focus on the interpersonal effects rather.

Copy pasting my masterpost thoughts overall: Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesn’t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didn’t have to work or help around much, then a free range parenting sort of thing.

We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so it’s not like he didn’t have caring people or had a tragic childhood though! I don’t remember if it’s explicitely stated but he’s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think it’s the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others, they instilled somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least women’s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when he’s younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught.

I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal, it being worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the “alcohol” section of his Adventurer’s Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesn’t hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough.  As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home and was still around when his father died, not unlike how Chil’s wife was implied to be a housewife. It looks like there’s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to speculate about too. Mostly though I think it’s big family because it’s just sorta what happens when you regularly have sex and you don’t have contraception, being poor often makes family planning harder for various reasons and leads to more children.

Alcoholism context rundown:

Good Chilchuck analysis baseline here. Alcohol seems to be his main stress reliever/coping mechanism, especially for how emotionally constipated he is, and his job is being stressed about his party’s safety. Then he also mentions as a changeling that having his senses dulled feels relaxing to him, further confirming alcohol, as a drug that dulls senses, is something that he likes for the intoxication aspect and feels it’s relaxing. Alcohol also acts as a hunger suppressant, so it for sure has played a role in his dieting and unhealthy eating/diet habits, especially since he shows the instinct to drink to soothe hunger, all of that about how going hungry for 3 days used to feel manageable. Chil dieting info compiled here.

Chilchuck is at his most effortlessly cheerful when drunk or drinking. Compilation of every time he was drunk here.

And to be clear, a cheerful drunk is still a drunk. He literally will drink anytime he gets the opportunity to even if he’s aware overdrinking leads to health problems and death. Like canonically. He does NOT see how drinking should be a problem and does not seek to show restraint with it.

Dad of the dad

Marcille and Chilchuck having a talk on how losing a dad be like "You lost your dad young too…? I know how it is, it must have hit you hard…" "No not really tbh. Do you want lasagna or chicken for dinner?" <- either genuinely doesn’t feel much about his dad’s death or has 10 layers of repression, idk which is worse

I think Chil not making a big deal out of his dad’s death, not having worries in following into his footsteps that way in the least, is super interesting.

As a buddy @saccharineomens puts it: " I kinda imagine chilchuck and his dad didn't have a bad relationship, but in general chilchuck is so blase about drinking (he sees it as a delightful time, a wonderful thing! he wouldn't mind dying doing something he loved!) that he's not very upset about his dad's passing? like "yeah, he died, but i was already an adult, he was an adult, he made his choices, i make my choices, it's cool" " And I’ll nitpick that we don’t know how old he was when his dad died, I always assumed it was pretty early since Chil left home when he got married, and like I’ve gone into he doesn’t seem to be the keep in touch type. It’s on the table though, and he could have learned about it through letter if nothing else and that contributes to the "meh" reaction.

And that is very Chilchuck, the whole "we made our choices, it is how it is, he died doing something he loved", and you can totally believe that that’s the crux of it, but I do think the nonchalance hints at the family overall being distant and not only the siblings, that there’s dysfunctional shenanigans going on in there more than just… Healthy coping and having moved on.

I wonder when Chil first drank… And I wonder how he came to realize he liked alcohol a lot. His father probably gave him sips… Or he stole them

No because, with how disaffected he is about his father and siblings I could definitely see him having started to kind of numb himself/dissociate with the help of alcohol in that home environment that felt so… Either devoid of feelings or too messy to get attached. I can totally see his family being one that encourages dealing with feelings by bottling them up.

Because too… We saw him have a family/community feast of some sort presumably when he was a kid, in that chapter cover, so it’s not like there’s no warmth or sense of family at all, but then like… What went wrong? If as I theorize that girl with short black hair in that panel is his future wife, since she’s his childhood friend and all, what if his family/home life was always kind of cold and distant, even when gathered and cheery or despite those occasions? So then it’s like, at the family gatherings, she’s the most important person there to him, the one he actually connects to the most, the warmest presence he has…….. Someone he jokes around with that feels on the same speed as him, that doesn’t have the same connotations as everyone else present, a bit of a haven, someone different, a breath of fresh hair and a regained sense of childhood… Spitballing of course of course

I feel like they had a pretty big family and they were poor and such so there were always chores to be done etc, so their household might have operated like a mini busiess of sorts where everyone’s too busy, always has this and that to do and the mother asks them to go do tasks. I used to think it might be more of a neglect situation, where the kids are expected to provide for themselves and so cook their own meals and whatnot, both parents distant, but I don’t think so with the feast illustration. Chil at the beginning of canon used to see eating as a practical thing more than anything, you have to eat to live but don’t eat much or your weight will make your job more dangerous, might as well skip meals and have beer instead, etc etc. So the thought that he doesn’t know how to cook all that well despite this speculated background where he cooked for himself and keeps cooking minimalistic, since he does tell Senshi he taught him about cooking, is fair, but still… There could definitely be a situation where his older siblings were pushed into a parental role too, where they helped with the food and raising the younger siblings etc etc. As mentioned, the age gap between siblings may play into the dynamic as well. But on this front I have less ideas…

So yes my general take on Chil’s family is that everyone was too busy to emotionally connect as much as is normal, the parenting leaving things to be desired with alcoholism and emotional neglect.

Fathering

And I think that’s especially interesting considering he hasn’t been keeping in touch with his daughters either. It’s "they’re independent now" and that’s kinda it. His daughters haven’t sent him letters or visited him or tried to make him talk to their mom again. It does feel like with his own parents and siblings to me, where people are almost strangers, where relationships grow apart and everyone shrugs and goes ‘that’s how things are’. Is it that everyone including all his daughters gave up on trying to keep in touch, or is it that they all went "well divorced or not he’s absent, this is our normal tbh", and which is worse?

So yes, I think his relationship with his daughters is probably similar to his relationship with his parents, sort of hands off. Chil's dad was probably not a good dad but probably not quite a bad dad. A definitive He Was There, to quote another friend heh

Imo the thing with Chil is that he was pretty absent bc of work travels to dungeon dive, right. He’s working hard to provide for his family but in the process he’s not spending much time with them, slowly making a gap grow between him and them as they drift apart and change as people. He’s a career dad who never realized spending time with his family was more important and threw his pager into the ocean— But also here’s the thing!! You want to say being his family is more important, but money is arguably more important! They’re poor, they don’t have the privilege of free time as much. Sure he’s not there, but he is providing for them what they need to keep living and growing healthily. Similarly, you want to say Chil should stop doing harsh dieting for weight management, but, he has a point, maybe starving is still preferable than dying in traps. Of course the ideal would be to change jobs, but again, life is a struggle and that’s not always an option.

^ Truly the classic "if you don’t listen to me, your parent, a cryptid is gonna kidnap you!" international experience………

He is so so so the "What? My way of parenting is kinda bad? But my father raised me like that, and look how great I turned out!" <- emotionally dysfunctional…….. "Pshhh what do you mean having an alcoholic parent negatively affects you? My father was an alcoholic too and look at me"  🤡

All of it was behavior normalized to him. And listen, I’m saying this but not as like, shirking of his part in it. This isn’t a teen or young adult, he’s middle aged, he’s become the one giving and not receiving the generational trauma. He’s chosen to never think deeper on the topic.

And like, he himself is so indifferent to his father and what their relationship was like, of course he wouldn’t notice if a parenting choice wasn’t great for his daughters. He doesn’t have a relationship with his dad, he’s not (at least not consciously) traumatized by him, so from his perspective it’s mission success! He got raised decent enough 👍⭐️ Except he doesn’t realize that like, not particularly caring if he died is sign of a problem between them in itself… And this even as he remains somewhat of an important figure in his life, especially since that’s who he sees on the other side of the life river in the ghost chapter. It’s implicitly the biggest instance of loss through death Chilchuck has in his life I think.

But despite it all he obviously does love his family a lot, right. So I do believe that like, while he has imperfect standards when it comes to parenting he still tries to be better than his dad was, that even if it’s necessary that he has a lot of long work travels, he spends time with them. And there’s sort of this dissonance that he’s both "it doesn’t matter wether i’m here or not, they’ll live, they’re tough girls. Oh they didn’t like my scolding earlier? It’s just how kids are" dismissive and "I love them so much and I want them to have a good life. I want to do my best by them" devoted and so so caring. And like that’s why he works so damn hard, he does it for them, but also that’s why the girls grew up with an absentee father and aughhhh AUGHHHH the unsolvable dilemma of it all Chilchuck in Dunmeshi truly represents like, the harshness of reality & the world and how sometimes things will just suck no matter what, and then of course balancing that with Marcille in their shared arc where she tacks on "And despite that there is beauty everywhere even in the small and menial things, despite that your flawed relationships and dreams are still worth fighting for" ie giving reconciling with his wife a shot, etc.

All that said I think the very strict "you’re gonna grow up to have a stable job by god, young miss" attitude, those strong work ethics he highly values and focuses on and no doubt tried to instill in is own kids, is something he somewhat inherited from his own upbringing and parents.

In my masterpost bit on his parenting, I said I don’t think he’d do any kind of corporeal punishment, but. I do wonder about spanking aftee all. It can be so so easy to rationalize it… Sigh

Daughter pov

Again, my general interpretations for the daughters are written in my masterpost. I think Patti knows her father the least and is the one least worried about jobs and stability and least settled down as a result. Flertom is the more social one who I imagine tended to be the one worried about her parents’ couple and their emotions the most. And Meijack… Ohh Meijack.

When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it and still you stand next to your mother just as quiet and just as stoic during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight out of mind

Thinking of those posts about how kids never forget and during the "draw your family!" things at school, some of the kids draw their working parents seperate from the rest of them...

Absent father and when he’s at home you get the crumbs of him that you get and you’re grateful for it and that’s that <333

She doesn’t know how much he loves them bc he hasn’t showed them in a long time </3

The horror of drunk Chil in my fics is often about what in this state he can’t do rather than what he could do, how someone who’s as proud of his skills and work ethics as he is has truly changed, not comprehending how he could become so sloppy or how he could allow himself to get like this, marred the values he preaches above all else. It’s in the way that he fumbles with doorknobs, that he could never lockpick a door if you were to lock it, and it both being your salvation and bringing you extreme distress at the thought of it all. His footsteps usually featherlight now sound heavy as stone, like a troll’s.

You know the thing that gets me so bad with alcoholism angst is when people describe the drunk person as a stranger. Often making a metaphor that they’re monsters, have some monster they shapeshift into uncontrollably once in a while, as a way to split the unreconciliable halves of the person sober and drunk in your vision of them……. It gets me soooo bad Little Puckpatti growing up on tales of trolls kidnapping disobedient kids and replacing them with doubles so no one even knows they’re gone… Coming face to face with a drunk Chilchuck that roams the halls of the house with heavy steps in the night, because she wanted to go drink a glass of water, too thirsty to sleep………..

And this is where I reveal that I wrote a fic about just that!! Trolls that thump and tiptoe through the night Mei @ Chil, You made me of stone and still every day you wear me down and chip away at me bit by bit

In the end notes I describe my takes and interpretations: With Mei I tried to give the sense of a kid who sacrifices some parts of childhood to feel closer to her parent, like not playing games to spend more time with him no matter how empty, or wanting to be worthy in his eyes. With Fler, since she was the one in canon to take in their mother and write Chil a letter explaining the situation, I feel like she’s always been the one most involved and aware of the problems in their family. The one most there to emotionally support or to understand what the vibes in a room meant. Puckpatti I think knows her father the least, since with time I think Chilchuck was more and more away from work and more and more cynical like the flashbacks of younger him dungeon diving. I think because of her not minding unstable odd jobs that she’s the most passive, that she’s the most go with the flow. I do also love when Mei is the one most aware of her parents’ flaws and most critical as the eldest, but not in this fic. Meijack grows up to never touch a drop of alcohol, what people joke is the one difference between her and her father. Flertom drinks, too much sometimes, but she considers drinking should be a social activity rather than a habit. Puckpatti only drinks on special occasions when she has the chance.

They already don’t have that much time together because of his work, I wonder how big of a percentage the amount of memories the daughters have of him are when he’s not himself truly… How they kinda reconcile it all. It’s their normal. 

And the thing that’s gutting too, is that Chil always looks so so much more open, relaxed, cheerful and happier when drunk than he usually is. He doesn't know how to get his defenses down without alcohol

"you're all that's good"

Because we do see how he truly used to not be so closed off and bitter. But distrust and fearing for betrayals from both coworkers and then his wife aka the person who’s supposed to be closest to him (he doesn’t even have close family besides his daughters. Does he even have close friends) turned him into what he is now. He was so cheerful!! Happy and trusting and optimistic.

He leaves and she left

God there’s the whole ‘wife leaving him’ trauma too is the thing… It had to have fucked him up so bad like no wonder he got paranoid and decided not to open up to ANYONE like. He never saw it coming is the scariest thing. He didn’t expect her to just up and leave. He didn’t see the warning signs. He won’t know if it’s coming this time either.

….. But then also, why he didn’t reach out to her (besides hurt) was because it was a petty silence treatment, like "oh she left without saying a word? Fine well I won’t reach out to her either" <- man who is so not fine and collected about it. It’s been FOUR YEARSSSSSSS I wonder if he always was like… "This week she’s gonna send a letter. … Ok fine, this month she’s gonna crack. … Within the year she’ll come crawling back." and it’s a bit why it was allowed to go on for this long unchecked like… Why he still considers her his wife even though functionally she’s more of an ex by that point after 4 years.

I can never stop thinking about him and his wife they’re fucking crazyyy. Him not reaching out to her started as a silent treatment from frustration. She never reached out to him either, she just up and left, didn’t even leave or send one last letter she’s just gone and has left this all behind, the house and everything in it. It’s been 4 years but he still considers her his wife and considers themselves only "estranged", "due to circumstances we haven’t seen each other in years". His face in the panel he said this is interesting too, trying to be casual but defensive and exasperated, already dreading the judgement and questions. He moved out of his house to rent a place in Kahka Brud instead. How much of him not reaching out was avoidance… Guilt, frustration, sadness, confusion, just procrastinating and dread and fear of a rejection more concrete, or something else… Maybe realizing he doesn’t miss her as much as he should, not enough to chase after her or try to get her back, just resigning himself to it… Is he a bad husband, is he a bad person? Should they reconcile?

Not seeing it coming… It’s half trust, that this person who’s so dear to you could never just up and leave and hurt you like that, half entitlement, thinking that she would never think of leaving, and third it’s blinding himself to the warning signs, not wanting to believe or acknowledge them. Because like, there WERE some, he said she "suddenly fell into a bad mood on the way back [from the outing]" and I don’t think he’s too dumb to be aware that something was off, he literally just dismissed it and then went surprised pikachu face when it turned out things were indeed off.

Part of it is definitely, how do you even react if your wife walks out on you without warning. If it happened to me I think that I wouldn’t reach out for a while either, wait for them to reach out to me first, give them space. As I put it in one of my marchil wips, "I respect your right to be rid of me too much to try and shackle you to me if you want to leave". Inaction is easier than admitting he’s scared to check and find out that the worst case scenario is true. It’s been years and he still hasn’t worked it out why she left. Do you think that’s on purpose. That he doesnt want to know for sure. It’s so so so scary to try and do anything about it

He said he didn’t reach out right away when she left because he was petty and wanted to give her the silence treatment back. Ok but is it that he blames her for their marriage falling apart or does he blame himself and he’s just misdirecting the conflicted feelings? Did he not reach out because a part of him was too scared to know why she left or if she would refuse to come back? Did he just think that she’d come back on her own, and things would get fixed while still staying unsaid and unconfronted like they always have, the first month, then the next and the next, until it was a year in and it sunk in that oh, maybe she wasn’t coming back?

He seems genuine here when he says that he was angry about it and gave her the silent treatment, but it is an habit of his to lie to make himself look worse instead of showing vulnerability, so who knows.

He is so so scared of being affected by relationships. Same thing with his compulsive habit to disguise his worry for anger. It’s why he doesn’t want people to have expectations of him, "I’m a coward I’m selfish", because then they can’t be disappointed, they can’t be surprised if he bites, they can’t leave when you lose what they’ve been staying for.

He has avoidant tendencies too. Every time there’s an interpersonal issue he just accepts it’s out of his control immediately. He’s passive when it comes to relationship problems, just like with coworkers, relationships are a ticking time bomb to him, and he just wants to be left out of it and come out unscathed. It comes back to his pessimism. He doesn’t think that like, things could be better. According to him life is tough and cruel, you accept your lot in life and make the best out of it and that’s it. If people are scummy you don’t whine about how unfair it is, you close yourself off and work to not be taken advantage of again and adapt. So then with his wife, when Marcille is like "Have you tried… Talking?" it’s such a crazy idea that it might work at all, that he could have the power to fix things… And that’s why it’s such a big deal when he goes "Alright I’ll try… I don’t know if it’ll go as well as in the stories, but I’ll try". That CRUMB of allowing himself to be hopeful is so huge

Honestly for the longest time I misread this bit, I thought she left in the night like how Marcille framed it, but no she left after he left for work. She left after he left again.

The way it’s told, it really sounds like Chilchuck just came home from work, stayed probably a couple of days in which they went to that outing together, then left for work again right away/soon after and it’s like. Was that outing the most special thing you guys did together. You came home from like a month of work, you had one outing where she ended up having a bad time, y’all didn’t talk about it further and then you left for another couple of weeks. Are you kidding me

Your married life is waiting for your husband to come home, spending mediocre time together, being shut down when you voice discontentment, and things being left unaddressed before he leaves again.

She left when he was gone for work, but did she leave the day of, or did she flip flop on it and took a while before working up the strength to leave? Was she waiting to see if he’d say anything before leaving and when he didn’t that was the last straw?

Chilchuck trying to prove a point that half-foots can make it out there, trying to rely more on himself because that’s the only person he can trust. His wife feeling like he's leaving her behind (because he does. over and over and over and over.) This guy just keeps throwing himself into work because he thinks it's what's best for everyone. Hey sir neglecting emotional needs can be kinda detrimental to everyone involved, I think you might wanna know that ^ quotes courtesy of @soappox

And to come back to alcoholism for a bit, alcoholism is alcoholism, and someone asked why I thought that a Chilchuck with depression would drink and cope through alcohol, since drinking seems to be something cheerful to him. It does puzzle me a bit but it’s worth going over, so… I don’t think him using drinking as a coping mechanism is far fetched at all. Cheerful drunks that are alcoholic still can absolutely use alcohol in ways like that. If something makes you happier, or even just more numb which translates to you feeling more free etc etc, then I definitely think it tracks that he’d keep drinking. Like personally I do think he’d drink a lot after his wife left him, and in rough patches like that. Depression -> not wanting to have to think, the days are blurring together and you either don’t want to be conscious or you want to feel something etc etc -> drinking for the alcohol. Alcoholics tend to be, well, dependent on alcohol. If something bad happens etc they’re usually more likely to go harder on it rather than stop. We can debate on when and why Chilchuck first started to drink but it’s straight up his favorite food now and it’s deeply ingrained in his life, in his favorite outings and activities and priorities and moods and meals. A CHEERFUL DRUNK IS STILL A DRUNK!!! They drink to get happy not drink because they are happy, though obviously the two can have overlap.

Chil represses sooo much. His solution to interpersonal conflict and feelings is just don’t think about it and dull your feelings & senses to everything ✨ I love him. I need to kill him with hammers Like the other day I was thinking about an AU where he might have ran away from his neglectful home or something, but then I remembered he deals with everything including his family by dulling his feelings and senses to things 🫠 He wouldn’t leave

I’d say he doesn’t look troubled by loss through death, moreso loss through mistakes. His nightmare is his daughters dying yes, but moreso them being killed, there’s an axe in the wall etc, it’s about having failed to protect them.

If he can’t fuck something up or if he’s already fucked it up there’s this pacifying sense that he can’t have the rug pulled from under him, because that’s what having connections is, having a wife isn’t an insurance it’s a rug waiting to be pulled. And his brand is sort of Flawed Mr Mistakes Man so he’s kinda been having to cope lol. I do think he throws himself into workaholism, because it’s sort of the only way to live he knows, making yourself capable and useful and spending his days working like that, less time to think, too tired to think. Senses dulled, senses that are usually too sharp, cutting with clarity that he prefers ignoring and avoiding. Work is something he doesn’t have to feel through, something that gives him pride and self-esteem, something through all the danger and life or death risk feels safer, emotionally. No one taught him how to deal with things another way, it’s always been suck it up and work.

Conclusion

Stop smoking we love you and we don’t want you to die

No drinking will not externalize your feelings no it won’t vent them out well please Chilchuck ple-ea-ease…….

</3 They should invent an alcoholism that doesn’t make you dysfunctional and hard to be around

^ Drunk, by The Living Tombstone

I’ve been thinking about enneagrams and Chil is 6w7 highkey. Becomes 3 when stressed, a little 8 but it’s more that he wants security so much that he becomes paranoid rather than having the core of an 8 y’know. I haven’t dug into it for quotes yet but this paper goes hard if you’re curious.

Dropping my relevant Spotify playlists here bc why not: Chilchuck & his wife, marchil angst

[radioisntdead]

Eeeeee oki, so I just finished watching boy swallows universe (an absolute masterpiece) and I was wondering what if the reader was like sold drugs or just did bad stuff for money for their family, like they grew up pretty fricking poor and did whatever they could for the extra cash (which is why they're in hell). They die somehow, land in hell and get treated like absolute dirt because they're small and they're wearing plain ass clothes, not powerful at all. Then comes Susan, and she's like "I'm so sick of the pathetic youth today, I'm taking you home with me" and just teaches them how to be proper and less shy and stuff, and to tear people with their teeth (yhey never got used to the whole eating people thing, Susan rolled her eyes and asked if she was a vagitarian or whatever it was called) and this reader hardly talks to anyone but Susan. Then they get introduced to Rosie and Alastor and it's just Susan simultaneously boasting about them telling them to stand up straight

Good evening my dear! This is definitely one of my favorite requests that I have gotten,

I finished boy swallows universe while writing this and I cried, I'm trying to convince my best friend to watch it now, it was very good.

I'm imagining the reader to be around the size of Niffty, maybe a little taller?

Susan's grandkid

Susan & reader

WARNINGS!!

Drug usage, child neglect, cannibalism, murder etc etc Susan kinda treats you as a stray pet in the beginning, not proofread so apologies for any spelling mistakes!

You died young, tragically young, you died in the winter, cornered away curled into a ball, clutching your stomach, wearing a old thin sweater that your older brother gave you, overalls, flimsy socks with a couple of holes in them, and worn down sneakers, you were beaten and bruised, you wanted your mom to hold you and tell you that everything was alright but she wasn't coming,

Did she know where you were? How would she react knowing her kid was gone?

You were a good kid, you just made a couple of bad decisions for your family, you mimicked what you saw,

No one ever suspected the kid with a babyface was dealing, getting involved in shady stuff and horrible, horrible people who couldn't care less that you couldn't even drink yet.

You woke up with brimstone and sulfur around and a dingy old sign saying welcome to hell, It was unfair.

You wondered around aimlessly, you were small enough that most folks didn't notice you at first, and those that did well, they either ignored you completely, tried to kick or spit on you, or something else you didn't want to know.

You stumbled upon a mirror, you looked...

different from when you were alive, alot shorter, you kept the same clothes you died in though, it was a struggle the first few days but you managed to stay alive and relatively unharmed, you always were resourceful.

Eventually you ended up on the cusp of cannibal town, your overalls were covered in dirt and whatever else, you were curled up against to some wall when she found you, in all her old woman glory.

"Good grief youth today is pathetic, how'd you even get down here you little shit?" she tsked as she bent down and picked you up by your overalls, you barely had a chance to react before she put you on her hip and continued her way home.

She didn't put you down as she entered her home claiming that you'd get mud on her floors,

She filled up her bathtub with warm water and bubbles, she took off your shoes and plopped you right in the tub, she put a glob of shampoo into your hair and foamed it up like one would bathe a pet.

She left the bathroom as you looked around the bathroom , confused on why this random old lady just picked you up like a soggy stray dog and dunked you into warm water, and put soap in your hair.

You weren't complaining by any means but you were caught off-guard.

She came back within a few minutes carrying children's clothing like the other cannibals wore, she washed your hair and your back, scrubbing off the grime, she dried you off and put the clothes on you, the next few hours were a blur, she picked you up, sat you at a table and placed what looked to be part of a raw arm on your plate.

You stared at it while she went ahead and dug it,

She raised an eyebrow, "you one of those vegetable people?"

You shook your head, poking at the arm slice

"Speak up, are you mute?"

You look up at her, "No ma'am."

"Speak up you sound like a mouse, now use those teeth of yours and eat."

You simply nodded and opened your mouth to dig into the arm,

You'd rather not eat what you assumed to be another person but you hadn't eaten in days and well, it was rude to refuse a free meal, right?

After the meal Susan handed you a toothbrush and told you to brush, giving you a set of pajamas to change into before leaving you to do a night routine,

Once done she picked you up and tucked you into a bed, turning off the lights and closing the door leaving you in pitch black darkness.

Living with Susan wasn't particularly easy but it was better then when you were alive, you didn't have to worry where your next meal came from, or maybe you did considering Susan had a diet of sinner meat, you didn't have to worry about not making ends meet, about the possibility of the folks you dealt too coming for you,

You did miss your family terribly though, you wondered if they missed you, or if they've found your corpse yet, maybe you were permanently put as a missing person, maybe you were chopped up into pieces,You didn't want to know.

Susan would teach you how to properly eat someone, you already had sharp teeth so you were a quick learner in that regard [Although you did prefer normal food]

You would cower behind her and she'd grab you by your shoulder and move you Infront of her, telling you to stand up straight, smacking your lower back with her cane if needed, some days She'd place a book on your head and have you practice walking around with it to correct your posture.

You wouldn't talk much at first but soon became a chatterbox with Susan, and mostly only Susan, keeping talking to others at a minimum unless Susan made you, she paraded you around cannibal town getting you used to the tight-knit community.

You soon went from a rather timid and frankly weak child to a more confident person, Susan wasn't usually seen without you skipping along behind her, eventually once she deemed you as proper she took you to Rosie's Emporium to introduce you to her and obviously get some treats,

"This is [Name] I got them off the streets and I made em' into a proper member of society, [Name] stand up straight, say hello"

Susan said moving you to the front where Rosie was,

"Hello."

Rosie immediately adored you, after all you were small enough to put in her pocket, she leaned down to shake your hand, and in that time

Susan proceeded to accidentally left you at the emporium and Rosie saw her chance and took it,

"Well aren't you adorable! Let Auntie Rosie spoil you, okay?"

Within seconds you were sat in a comfy chair with a plate of cannibalistic desserts infront of you and Rosie across from you, chatting until Susan came back for you two hours later.

She knew she left you after like five minutes she just didn't want to make the trip back and let Rosie babysit you.

Another time she took you to Rosie's Emporium the infamous radio demon was there, and while you didn't particularly know much about overlords and the like since you mainly stuck with Susan, or in the safe parts of cannibal town, you did know that overlords were more or less dangerous,

Susan did not care though and immediately started insulting the radio demon,

"Why don't you have a wife yet? Do you not like woman? Then why don't you have a husband then??"

"Susan, I believe that's none of your-"

"It's because you don't brush your fucking teeth isn't it,"

"Susan-"

"You probably blind all the ladies looking like Rudolph's nose"

"Excuse me?"

You quickly intervene before Susan ends up being the radio man's dinner, Alastor tilts his head at you and bends down,

"And who is this Little one?"

Susan moves you Infront of her and puts her cane between you and Alastor,

"My grandchild, they're very well-mannered unlike you now get away before you influence them to listen to your modern jazz music"

"̵̢̯̫͕̀̀̓̕M̷̧̧͎̬̹̦͚̺̼̳͊͒̽̌̅͑́̕͘ỹ̶̱̮͙̕ ̴͇̹̣͙̖̉̽̏̊͜m̸̡̧̱̲̱͔͉̲̫͋́̄̎̄̔̈̈́͠ö̵̢̢̙͍̩̩̮̺́̃̿̎ḑ̵̰̪͎̀̿̔͊̒͛̄ͅͅͅę̸̪́ř̴̛̳̥̭̼̌͊̄̉̑̽̇̚n̴͕̥̗̻͕̊̅͐̒̂̌͆̚̚͜͠ ̵̛̪̹̔̈́̈́͂͝͝Ẃ̸̽̓̈́̾͂ͅH̵̨̢̯̳̗̦͕̭̯̑̈͆̇̚̕̚Ḁ̸͍̱̩̠̼͚̾̉̚T̵̥̠͓͛͊"̸̛͎̼̺́̔̀̎͛̀̈̕͠

Thankfully Rosie soon appeared before Alastor and Susan could get into a brawl,

She handed you a lil' box of treats and sent you on your way with Susan.

A very polite way to get kicked out in your opinion,

The next time you see Alastor he brings Niffty, trying to get her to influence you enough to drive Susan to insanity.

It backfired.

You, on the rare occasions you roam outside of cannibal town you see someone you may have known during life, you usually don't interact with them, but sometimes they recognize you too, they give a look of mixed disbelief, pity and guilt or just indifference, you made similar decisions to them.

You saw a member of your family, trying to sell something on the streets one time, you went up to them with the confidence of Susan talking to Alastor,

You know they recognized you, you may look different but you were still you, just better then before.

Their face dropped seeing you, filled with guilt and shame, you weren't supposed to be down here, of all places, you should've gotten to live to be old and wrinkly, shaking their head they shoo'd you away in what you assumed was a way to tell you to move on, make the best of your afterlife.

"I don't know you, now shoo' go home."

When you got home to Susan making cannibal meatloaf, nagging you about getting home in a timely manner as you take off your shoes and place them by the door, it gives you a somewhat nostalgic feeling,

You may never seeing the majority of your family again, after all maybe they're in heaven or below with you,

They'll always be your family and while they weren't perfect but they loved you, and you loved them, and you always will even if you were apart.

And now you had a new family member, Your Grandma Susan,

And you loved her, and while she didn't outwardly say it, you knew through her actions of making you a scarf, bringing you a bowl of peeled or cut fruit, or something else, she loved you too.

good evening folks! Hope you enjoyed this, I'm making my way through the requests now so tune on in later for those!

[stromuprisahat]

Isn’t the status of Grisha much worse after TGT. How are the Righteous Gang claiming to be victors/heroes who made others lives better. From my pov, grisha are much worse off while the otkazatsya are in status quo. Also what was wrong with the grisha coming to LP to live. From the books, it seems that none of them had any connection to their parents/relatives. If so that can also mean that their family did not care enough to reach out to them after they left.

Or did the Darkling ban all communications.

I’m sure the Righteous Gang think that all the cons of their dumb decisions are in fact the Darklings fault. You know because he did this or he did that. They do bot think for a single moment that he was the only one doing anything for them. While the soldat sol (shouldn’t they have been doing some charity work in name of their Saint?) and all other grisha did not lift a single finger to elevate the position of grisha in Ravka through ANY means.

Ironically, the Gang's decision to abolish Grisha draft should serve to further alienate Ravkan commoners and destabilize Nikolai's reign.

"... His serfs will get a taste of money and education and start thinking about building lives and businesses of their own instead of praying for their master’s patronage. ... "

King of Scars- Chapter 11

Nikolai had abolished the practice of separating Grisha from their parents. There was no mandatory draft to pull children from their homes.

Rule of Wolves- Chapter 9

The fact they aren't able to offer protection to any Grisha in Ravka, therefore hardly to children scattered all over the country, AND there's no system of home education, therefore these children might either hurt someone by accident or suffer from wasting sickness, aside...

This should be a gigantic legal issue.

(Although there's plenty of questions regarding servitude in general.)

Pre-KoS Grisha automatically became serfs. Their families were compensated financially.

Let's say Grisha are no longer required to move to Little Palace, otherwise everything stays the same. Are there lists of Grisha serfs to keep track of them? And how do they serve? Why should a family that keeps the amount of pairs of working hands get any money? Does it mean that a family of free- albeit poor- peasants, suddenly include a child serf with obligations of their own? Do these "free-range" serfs get personal assignments? That sounds like a whole lot of extra bureaucracy.

The other option is much more disasterous. If Grisha are no longer serfs, there's no reason to pay their families. They should be recorded the same way other free Ravkans are, and these records don't seem to be particularly meticulous:

Another [Ravkan Grisha] had been hidden in a root cellar when the Grisha Examiners arrived to test her. “My mother told them I’d been killed by the fever that had swept through our village the previous spring,” the Tidemaker said. “The neighbors cut my hair and passed me off as their dead otkazat’sya son until I was old enough to leave.”

Siege and Storm- Chapter 7

A year here, a year there... who'll know if the missing Grisha moved away, died or got kidnapped? But don't worry, the worst is yet to come- otkazat'sya (serfs). Why are Grisha freed as soon as three of theirs start whispering their advices into young King's ear (One of them rumoured to be his mistress to boot!), while common Ravkans keep bending their backs under nobility's jeweled slippers!

This is a starving, war-torn country, through which a wave of pogroms swept only a few years back! The hatred won't disappear only because a dead Saint allegedly appointed three of Grisha to what exactly? Represent? Or rule in the puppet-King's stead?

Sure, Nikolai's (strange, innovatory) reforms lead to more food for the poor... BUT- serfs are still property of their owners, unlike Grisha. West was somehow forced to remain with the East- feeding them, losing money to them. Nobles lost some privilages and whoever's not a complete baffoon will figure out they're losing power. Church should be pissed, because their leader got deposed, religious cult with Crown-appointed head took over and Nikolai cut their incomes too! Anyone even slightly distrustful towards Grisha- and that means all through Ravkan social strata- has every reason to believe they are running the country, which no longer means one black boogeyman, but a Suli whore with the King-killer.

_____

Members of Second Army weren't discouraged from staying in touch with their families, quite contrary. To make it more... well, to make it more KoS-ish, we get some specific data from Zoya:

She’d written every week to her aunt and every week received a long, newsy letter back with drawings of chickens in the corners and tales of the interesting traders who came through Novokribirsk.

King of Scars- Chapter 25

Ivan doesn't mention his family in present time, but I'd like to imagine he used to visit his widowed, almost childless mother until she died of old age.

_____

The only reason all those barely adult Grisha are even theoretically allowed to be teenagers, is that they're safe enough, thanks to Aleksander's work.

He was thirteen, but he’d had a hundred names, a new one for every town, camp, and city ... He would have lived next door to a garbage gully if it meant a roof over his head, hot meals, waking up in the same room every morning without his heart hammering as he tried to remember where he was. ... Grisha living in camps and broken-down mines, hiding out in tunnels. ... No safe place. No haven. There will be, he promised in the darkness, new words written upon his heart. I will make one.

Demon in the Wood

If Grisha are faring better at the beginning of Shadow and Bone, it's his doing:

... though it was smaller than the Grand Palace, the “Little” Palace was still huge. It rose from the trees surrounding it like something carved from an enchanted forest, a cluster of dark wood walls and golden domes. As we drew closer, I saw that every inch of it was covered in intricate carvings of birds and flowers, twisting vines, and magical beasts. ... We passed door after door, until finally we reached a chamber where another uniformed maid stood waiting by an open doorway. Dimly, I registered a large room, heavy golden curtains, a fire burning in a beautifully tiled grate, but all I really cared about was the huge canopied bed. “Can I get you anything? Something to eat?” asked the woman.

Shadow and Bone- Chapter 5

While I can "excuse" some of the "heroes"- victim of otkazat'sya brainwashing institution, unloved privilaged kid with saviour complex, bigoted religious fanatics due to questionable parenting, universal punching bag... LB's new best girl's somehow coming out of it as the worst one.

Just the fact Zoya was saved by the very law she didn't mind abolishing, going from starving asset of her own mother to well-fed, respected soldier, who knows what do sable and silks look like... what a horrible life to lead! Such deterioration! If only the Darkling didn't bother trying, she'd be free to scrape along as she pleases!

Centuries worth of Aleksander's efforts are the reason Zoya gets to whine about her suicidal aunt instead of being maritally raped by some ancient creep, or outright dead after getting pregnant way too young.

[panther-os]

Full Name and Family Headcanons

For the extended 141 family plus the fruity bastard betrayer (derogatory (affectionate)), some more complete than others. If any of this is directly contradicted by canon, I don't care, that's why they're headcanons

Soap

John Steven Donald MacTavish

Two loving parents, the youngest with at least 3 older siblings, all sisters. Closely enough related to the Chief of the Name and Arms of MacTavish to a) be considered low upper class and b) know his exact place in the line of hereditary succession. Also the kilt he wears on special occasions is always the modern MacTavish tartan, do your research. Grew up in Bonnyrigg outside Edinburgh and is emotionally attached to Sir Salter Scott

Ghost

Simon Lorcán Riley

Same family and circumstances as '09 Ghost (extremely poor, abusive dad, oldest of two boys), but give him loving maternal grandparents and three cousins. He's Irish by ethnicity and heritage, which a few family members kept alive and passed down to him, but British by nationality. His great-great-(great-?)grandparents migrated to Manchester during the Great Hunger, but his aunt moved back to Ballylongford where some of the family originally lived. His cousins and maternal grandmother are all alive but think he's dead and he keeps it that way for their safety. His middle name is after his maternal grandfather who died when he was young and was given to him by his grandma. I do also hc he's trans and have a deadname headcanon for him but I don't share those. The specific neighborhood he grew up in inside Manchester was Beswick

Gaz

Kyle Adam Garrick

Grew up in Brixton in London, relatively poor with two loving but working parents, but also with an enormous tight-knit community and more neighborhood aunties and uncles and cousins than he knew what to do with. Has one baby sister but she's 20 years younger than him so she's a baby baby and he was already enlisted and moved out when she was born

Price

John Matthew Price

Grew up in Anfield in Liverpool, near the football stadium. Avid fan, ropes Ghost into Liverpool vs Man United debates every season. Ghost doesn't even like football. Middle class, working dad and stay at home mom, older sister, younger sister

Roach

Gary Parker Sanderson

Working poor, older sister, younger brother

Laswell

Katherine Emma Laswell

Middle class child of divorce, no step-siblings or step-parents, lesbian wine aunt who's basically Kate Kane (coincidentally Kate's favorite superhero)

Nikolai

Nikolai Antonovich Pokrovsky

Absent parents, one younger sister

Farah

Farah Leyla Karim

Canon family - two loving parents killed by AQ, one older brother. Her middle name is the Georgian spelling of the Arabic name Layla (see my post about Urzikstan and Abkhazia for why this spelling)

Alex

Alexander Jeremiah Keller

Two older sisters, two triplet sisters (one an hour older, one three hours younger), two younger sisters, single mom, also raised by aunt and grandmother

Alejandro

Alejandro Ernesto Vargas Leon

Grew up working poor, dad died when he was three, mom had to work, older brother 4ys older took jobs for the cartel starting at 12-ish to make ends meet and left Ale as the "man of the house" at 8. Also has one 4ys younger sister (same dad, mom was pregnant) and 12ys younger twin baby brothers (different dad who chose not to be in the picture, oopsie babies). He loves the twins but wants to hang them upside down by their shoelaces more often than not, his sister is just as mischievous but more mature and subtle about it which made her easier to raise

Rudy

Rodolfo Ildefonso Parra Rosales

Born into a poor family, cartel killed his parents when he was three, adopted by a single mom after that. His new family is unrelated to the Cartel but his bisabuela is just as feared and respected as El Sin Nombre and La Araña before her, if not more in some parts of the city. Learned his best chancla skills from her. Only child but grew up in a massive multigenerational multifamily home with at least 20 older cousins - was the baby until he was 7 and now he's the second youngest

Graves

Phillip Windsor Graves

Upper class, born to parents who had an heir to the company because it was expected of them but who didn't actually want or like kids. Essentially raised by a rotating cast of nannies

[dilutedh2so4]

Biblical Book of Ruth: Homoerotic undertones? (full)

image credit: helene rogers (i think)

“Ruth said, ‘Do not press me to go back and abandon you! Wherever you go I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people and your God, my God. Where you die I will die, and there be buried. May the Lord do thus to me, and more, if even death separates me from you!’”

Ruth 1:16-17

You may expect this declaration of devotion to be made between two enamoured lovers. It does sound quite similar to wedding vows, especially "until death do us part" or even "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health." In fact, the YouCat (the Catholic Catechism designed for young people) quotes this exact passage in its section on marriage! (see end of post for sources)

Yet these words were not made as a promise between husband and wife, but instead between two women.

The story of Ruth and Naomi can be found in the aptly named "Book of Ruth." In summary, Naomi's family move from Judah to Moab because of a famine. There, they meet Ruth and her sister Orpah. Naomi's sons marry the two women, and they live in peace for a time. Then, a sudden illness strikes, and both the boys (Mahlon and Chilion) and their father (Elimelech) die.

With nothing left, Naomi decides she must return to her homeland of Bethlehem (in Judah). Ruth and Orpah object, and offer to go with her, but Naomi tries to dissuade them. She says doesn't have any more sons for them to marry, giving them no financial or social security - to her, it seems, she is now useless and worthless. Orpah comes to accept this, remaining in Moab, but Ruth will not relent. It is here she makes her heartfelt speech stated at the start of this post, vowing her entire life to Naomi. Just normal friendship things! This causes Naomi to realise Ruth's love for her, so she finally accepts the offer.

Some of you may be thinking, "This is just platonic! This is just friendship! This is what any woman would do! Why do you have to make everything gay?"

Well, ask yourselves this: is it gay to leave behind your country and all the people you've ever known (including your sister) just to accompany another woman to her homeland?

...A homeland which you have never been to, and where the people there are your enemies? (Numbers 21, Judges 3)

...Travelling across a hostile desert environment, on your own for all we know? (see a map of Moab to Bethlehem)

...Despite your lover insisting you stay, and your sister deciding to stay, but instead you dedicate your life and soul to your lover? (Ruth 1:14-18)

Makes you think.

I can already see your objections: "But then Ruth married Boaz [her male relative]! Naomi told her to do it!"

Again, let us consider Naomi and Ruth's social standing. They were both women, both widows, both poor and starving. Ruth had to go foraging in the fields, collecting scraps of grain left behind so they could eat! (see Ruth 2:2-3, referring to Leviticus 23:22)

These women needed a male relative to survive, a "guardian redeemer." This was the practice, highlighted in Leviticus 25:25-28 and Deuteronomy 25:5-10, where a man had the duty of restoring the land and marrying the widow of a kinsman who had died without an heir.

"Her husband’s brother shall go in to her, taking her in marriage and performing the duty of a husband’s brother to her, and the firstborn whom she bears shall succeed to the name of the deceased brother, so that his name may not be blotted out of Israel."

Deuteronomy 25:5-6

This union of Ruth and Boaz was a matter of survival. Naomi may have seemed excited and insistent in Ruth 2:20, but this was only after she realised Boaz was their kin and could 'redeem' Ruth. She was relieved they would not have to scavenge, starve, and suffer for much longer. She says this herself in Ruth 3:1, "My daughter, I must seek a home for you!"

Her use of "daughter" when referring to Ruth may irk some of you, but it is only a term of endearment. Boaz himself uses the same phrase for her, in Ruth 3:10, where it is implied they subsequently had sex.

[The inferred age gap between Ruth and Naomi might also irk you, but according to Ruth Rabbah 6:2 (a 6th century commentary on Ruth), Boaz was 80 and Ruth was 40 years old.]

Soon after, they are married, and Ruth bears Boaz a son. He is named Obed, and he will be the grandfather of King David. Here is the passage in full:

So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. When they came together, the Lord made her conceive, and she bore a son. Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has borne him.” Then Naomi took the child and laid him in her bosom and became his nurse. The women of the neighbourhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.”

Ruth 4:13-17

That final line, "a son has been born to Naomi," is particularly interesting to me. It is probably referencing how this firstborn will carry on her son Mahlon's legacy, but I like to think this is a subtle nod to Ruth and Naomi's relationship. I like to think it solidifies their "marriage," which began with those vows in Ruth 1, and ends here with the birth of a child they will raise together. A child not said to be born to Ruth's husband Boaz, but to Naomi - her (very hopefully possibly definitely) lover.

------------------------------

Thank you for reading! This was just me waffling, trying to prove a point to one of my friends. I hope it made sense.

I will repeat, THIS IS JUST AN INTERPRETATION. I don't think this is what the writers originally intended, however - as a lesbian raised Catholic - I think it's fun/interesting to explore different possibilities: possibilities that I'm not wrong, I'm not evil, I've always been here, I'm not alone.

THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN LOL

Fun Fact: Bethlehem translates to "House of Bread," which is ironic considering Naomi's family had to flee from there because of famine.

SOURCES: YouCat, page 141 of 274 - YOUCAT (wordpress.com) Book of Ruth, chapters 1-4 - Ruth 1-4 NRSVUE Ruth Rabbah, 6:2 - Ruth Rabbah 6:2 with Lexicon (sefaria.org)

[arvale-artist]

Y E A R 0 & The First Hero.

We are approaching The Year 0 A.D. (After Dragons) and with it, a calamity Entoque will remember for millennia to come: The Fall of The Great City Arhaeldem.

Alright, so you want answers I assume? Well, this is a tale from an old RPG from 2004. Which you can play fo free, if you have a PC. If not, here's a (and the only) Let's Play of it. A lot of the things seen here are explained in my little Blynt Lore Post, if you just want to have only a brief look into the story! Have fun exploring Arvale in any way. So it may not cease to exist.

[Silk] » As the story goes, Kryphen was just a poor child that lived when this was just a small village. His mother was constantly working to support the family because his father died while he was young. Kryphen was always toying with small inventions and trying to improve life of his family and village. One day, he befriended a Dragon and learned what magic arts he could but soon became jelous of the Dragon and couldn't comprehend why it was gifted with these powers while he had to struggle to survive. He began asking questions like, 'Why aren't we gifted with these powers? Why do we have to beg for it of these beasts? Why can't we control our own destinies without relying on these... demons?' He then betrayed the Dragon during a magic lesson by reversing it's own magic onto itself, putting it in a stupefied sleep. He then studied the Dragon and found that all magic powers could be extracted from it and bottled for anyone to use. Thinking he could finally improve the lives of his village. When asked about the Dragon, Kryphen lied to his family and friends. Telling them the Dragon had gone away to teach magic to another part of the world. To further the lie and grow in power, he began searching the world to study and deceive the other Dragons... and ... well... the rest is history. «

Now... I took some (a lot) of creative liberties with this comic, arright... This comic is based on events that happened in the game, but are never directly shown. Dragons started attacking Arhaeldem, and it was never specified who that dragon who shot ice from it's claws was, I just made it the same dragon that Kryphen 'befriended'. (You can actually see the Dragon trying to mutter his name when Tsilon pins him down in a short moment of somewhat clarity!) Why? because I thought it would be neat and make an interesting comic/story. And it wouldn't be impossible for it to have happened. I based this dragon's design of one of the game's sprites for one that we can see in the intro:

I chose the blue version of this sprite because it would make sense for the dragon using ice magic to be water coloured. Dragons started attacking Arhaeldem, and Tsilon as it's guardian has to defend his city. And... I always wondered how terrible and confusing that must have been for him, to have to fight and most likely kill his own kind. Dragons are not meant to be vicious creatures.

The intro is mostly Sorcynth propaganda... (Sorcynth = Kryphen's Potion Comapny) but I don't think these parts are untrue:

»Long ago, when the world of Arvale was born, the Gods created Dragons and bestowed them with the gift of magic. The Dragons were entrusted with this power to watch over the world and keep it in relative harmony. [...] When Humans and Dragons met, they quickly found a mutual understanding of each other and lived together peacefully. The Dragons began instructing the Humans in the ways of magic, to see what Humans could accomplish.«

Judging by Tsilon's immense friendliness/fondness of humans, like... he built a human city with his human friend, and befriended more humans, teaches them magic, protects them, and when he is about to go mad again he begs to be killed, even if that results in a world without magic, so people will not die. And judging by how absolutely non-hostile and chill the other dragons are we meet in the game... It's probably safe to assume that this part of the intro is true. Tsilon has likely been around a long time. Maybe even since the beginning of dragonkind. He knows that he and the others are creatures of harmony... and to see his own kind turn into vile beasts like that.. well, that must have been quite shocking. How does this happen? Kryphen has found a way to overwrite a person's will/ mind with potions. The one he makes for the dragons turns them into the type of evil beasts we know from our own classic fairytales. Some of it was put into Tsilon's food on one faithful day... » EAT THE HUMAN FLESH « and » ALL MORTALS SHALL NOT LIVE WITH DRAGONS « are quotes taken directly from Mad Tsilon. I gave the poisoned Dragons these golden eyes with narrow pupils to indicated they are under the effects of the potion. I got this idea from old concept art where Tsilon is portrayed with these eyes instead of his usual pale ones and seems to act uncharacteristically hostile + all the Sorcynth machines emmit a orange-yellow glow...

[Tsilon] » Grrr..... They're draining all my energy..... and ... injecting me with .. DIE... something that makes me... lose my .. ..my .. sooo HUNGRY!!! ... EAT THE HUMAN FLESH!! Grrr ... Makes me... lllllll---- «

The magic Tsilon is portrayed using here is one you can actually see him use in the game:

In the good ending, we see Tsilon in front of Arhaeldem's entrance. What's left of it, anyways. Just like 2000 years ago. I wonder what he could be thinking about...

And of course, I want you to remember, this is fanwork. I am trying my best to portray these characters accurately, but I can only make edjucated guesses how they act and what they could be saying. In the end I am not 🤖Jaybot7. (The guy who wrote (and composed) (and leveldesigned) the entire story/game).

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hi,

Can you rec historical romance where hero abruptly has to take care of his family and is impacted by it?

Not Anthony Bridgerton but Julian Blackthorn style

Thanks 🙂

Yes!

The Truth About Cads and Dukes by Elisa Braden is one! The hero had a very cold father and has sort of become the man of the house, is managing a total mess of a brother... who compromised a mousy girl in a non-sexual way, and now the hero is marrying her to make up for it. Fortunately, he's DEEPLY obsessed with her hands.

I would say that Lisa Kleypas's The Hathaways series has this. I can't remember exactly how both Hathaway parents died (one had scarlet fever, I think) but point is that Leo becomes head of the household fairly young, and having just lost his fiancee to the fever... He is a MESS. A MESS. Total dissolute rake. His book is next to last in the series, but each book (about his sisters) shows you his character development. The second one introduces his heroine, too, and they have this slow burn supporting tension. Her Ravenels series has a similar situation, but you get that hero's journey first as he's the hero of the first book. He inherits a title unexpectedly, and with it his three cousins who he now has to take care of lol.

Alexandra Vasti's Ne'er Duke Well has a hero who has to care for his two younger illegitimate siblings. It's pretty fun—he needs to get married in order to maintain full custody of them, and the heroine tries to help him find a wife while CLEARLY being the right wife.

Duke Most Wicked by Lenora Bell is about a duke who was a bit of a mess before, but now has to shape up to find good matches for his sisters. Too bad he's really into their poor music teacher...

Lorraine Heath's The Return of the Duke is about a hero who's doing this in a unique way... His father is a duke and ends up executed and losing his title after he's convicted of treason. The hero has been lowkey trying to reclaim the title and get the family name restored for years, which is what leads him to the heroine... his father's former mistress.

Her Protector's Pleasure by Graced Callaway introduces Ambrose Kent, the patriarch of her Kent family, who is in charge of his billions of younger siblings who all find love in their own books lol (their father had most of them quite young). If I'm HONEST, Ambrose is one of my lower-ranked Grace heroes because he is very like... stolid? In a lot of ways? BUT it fits this trope very well.

An m/m option would be The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by KJ Charles. Joss Doomsday has kind of fallen into a "protector" role in his crime family, though he certainly has relatives that oppose him and the family matriarch (his grandmother) technically isn't dead... Just very old. He's really sweet with his little cousin.

Lmao if you want "dark but also weirdly comical" Hart Mackenzie was forced to become the family father figure even before his own father died because the man was so abusive. Hart... doesn't always do it right... But he deeply loves his family, and the moment in his book (The Duke's Perfect Wife) where he and Ian have this big like... recognition of how much they love each other... Makes me wanna cry. He's got a lot of paternalistic shit in the first three books in the series (both literally and metaphorically) BUT again, his book is The Duke's Perfect Wife.

OH! Devil Cynster in the Cynster series is TOTALLY this. Deeply dominating and bossy. Also a doting brother/cousin/uncle/whatever he is to all of the family.

[dailyanarchistposts]

Chapter Two. The Culture of Despair

They attacked liberalism because it seemed to them the principal premise of modern society; everything they dreaded seemed to spring from it: the bourgeois life, Manchesterism, materialism, parliament and the parties, the lack of political leadership. Even more, they sensed in liberalism the source of all their inner sufferings. Theirs was a resentment of loneliness; their one desire was for a new faith, a new community of believers, a world with fixed standards and no doubts, a new national religion that would bind all Germans together. All this, liberalism denied. Hence, they hated liberalism, blamed it for making outcasts of them, for uprooting them from their imaginary past, and from their faith. —Fritz Stern, The Politics of Cultural Despair:A Study in the Rise of the Germanic Ideology [47]

Stories of rage are first stories of despair.

Jeniece Learned stands amid a crowd of earnest-looking men and women, many with small gold crosses in the lapels of their jackets or around their necks, in a hotel lobby in Valley Forge, Pennsylvania. She has an easy smile and a thick mane of black, shoulder-length hair. She is carrying a booklet called Ringing in a Culture of Life. The booklet has the schedule of the two-day event she is attending organized by the Pennsylvania Pro-Life Federation. The event, says the booklet, is “dedicated to the 46 million children who have died from legal abortions since 1973 and the mothers and fathers who mourn their loss.”

Learned, who drove five hours from a town outside of Youngstown, Ohio, was raised Jewish. She wears a gold Star of David around her neck with a Christian cross inset in the middle of the design. She stood up in one of the morning sessions, attended by about 300 people, most of them women, when the speaker, Alveda King, niece of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., asked if there were any “postabortive” women present. Learned runs a small pregnancy counseling clinic called Pregnancy Services of Western Pennsylvania in Sharon, where she tries to talk young girls and women, most of them poor, out of abortions. She speaks in local public schools, promoting sexual abstinence rather than birth control as the only acceptable form of contraception. And in the fight against abortion and in her conversion, she has found a structure, purpose and meaning that previously eluded her.

Her life, before she was saved, was chaotic and painful. Her childhood was stolen from her. She says she was sexually abused by a family member. Her father left her mother when Learned was12. She says her mother periodically woke her and her younger sister and two younger brothers in the middle of the night to flee landlords who wanted back rent. The children were bundled into the car and driven in darkness to a strange apartment in another town. Her mother worked nights and weekends as a bartender. Learned, the oldest, often had to run the home.

“There was a lot of fighting,” she says. “I remember my dad hitting my mom one time and him going to jail. I don’t have a lot of memories, mind you, before eighth grade because of the sexual abuse. When my dad divorced my mom, he divorced us, too.”

Learned said she learned to repress and contain her emotions. She remembers sitting bewildered at a meal with the family member who had molested her the night before and wondering why he treated her with ice-cold disdain. Her younger sister, who was sexually abused by another member of the family, eventually committed suicide as an adult, something Learned also considered. Suicide seemed, as she grew into adulthood, a release, the only road out of the hell of her existence.

“My grandfather committed suicide, close family members tried suicide,” she says. “In my family, there was no hope. The only way to solve problems when they got bad was to end your life.

“My family put the ‘dys’ in ‘function,’” she adds. “I had relatives switching husbands and wives with other couples. I am so thankful that God moved me 3,000 miles away. I am so thankful He pulled me out of that. Because I am so glad my children…you know, when I was pregnant with my daughter, I said, ‘God, just break the chains…just break the chains.’ And He has. My children have no idea about the dysfunction I lived through. I really truly believe that Satan got a hold of my family early on. I feel like Satan had this huge grip.”

The instability and abuse, the constant moving, saw her retreat into herself. By the time she graduated she had attended three high schools. She was an angry young woman. At 15 she became pregnant. She had an abortion, using the name of her school bus driver to get into the clinic.

“Between being sexually abused, my parents being divorced, my mom being gone all the time, my brothers giving my mom such a hard time, my mother was always in a bad mood,” she says. “I was criticized and put down a lot. I was never good enough. Things were never good enough. The only time I got love was when my mom was taking me to these photo shoots and beauty pageants, and really pushing modeling. And the only time I got love from my mom is when I would win beauty pageants.”

Learned moved out of the house before she was 18, drifted and ended up in Beverly Hills, working nights in a strip club wearing a leotard and French corset. At one point she was homeless and called a family member for a place to stay. On the ride over, driving her 1968 Volkswagen Beetle, she thought of veering it over the edge of the raised highway. On the second night at the house, the family member came into her room and tried to molest her. She fled to a friend’s apartment. It was not long after that she married her husband Rod and found Jesus, but the trauma of her past continued to plague her.

“I started having some major sexual dysfunctions,” she says. “A lot of flashbacks were coming back. A lot of memories that I did not remember were coming back. I was really struggling. And here I am newly married. I didn’t want any part of it. There would be times when Rod and I would try to be intimate and I would just fall apart. And he didn’t know what to do.”

She was taking classes at Pacific Christian College when she and Rod were living in Orange County. During a chapel service an antiabortion group, Living Alternative, showed a film called The Silent Scream.

“You see in this movie this baby backing up trying to get away from this suction tube,” she says. “And its mouth is open, and it is like this baby is screaming. I flipped out. It was at that moment that God just took this veil that I had over my eyes for the last eight years. I couldn’t breathe. I was hyperventilating. I ran outside. One of the girls followed me from Living Alternative. And she said, ‘Did you commit your life to Christ?’ And I said, ‘I did.’ And she said, ‘Did you ask for your forgiveness of sins?’ And I said, ‘I did.’ And she goes, ‘Does that mean all your sins, or does that mean some of them?’ And I said, ‘I guess it means all of them.’ So she said, ‘Basically, you are thinking God hasn’t forgiven you for your abortion because that is a worse sin than any of your other sins that you have done.’”

The film brought her into the fight to make abortion illegal. Her activism became atonement for her own abortion. She struggled with depression after she gave birth to Rachel. When she came home from the hospital she was unable to care for her infant. She thought she saw an eight-year-old boy standing next to her bed. It was, she is sure, the image of the son she had murdered.

“I started crying and asking God over and over again to forgive me,” she says. “I had murdered His child. I asked Him to forgive me over and over again. It was just incredible. I was possessed. On the fourth day I remember hearing God’s voice: ‘I have your baby, now get up!’ It was the most incredibly freeing and peaceful moment. I got up and I showered and I ate. I just knew it was God’s voice.”

The combination of abuse, shame and guilt, as well as the depression and despair, marked a period of her life that she wants to forget. The certitude of her new life is a comfort. It is a life of moral absolutes. It is a battle against a culture she despises. Its rigidity—its sanctification of hatred for those who would “murder” the unborn or contaminate America with the godless creed of secular humanism—brings with it feelings of righteousness and virtue. Her faith gives her an emotional grounding and a vent for her anger. Embracing the Christian community means destroying competing communities. The power of her yearning for inclusion, for those who surrender to Jesus, is matched by the power of her destructive fury. She is fighting for something good and against something evil, and it is an evil she knows intimately.

The stories many in this movement tell are stories of failure—personal, communal and sometimes economic. They are stories of public and private institutions that are increasingly distant and irrelevant, stories of loneliness and abuse. Isolation, the plague of the modern industrial society, has torn apart networks of extended families and communities. It has empowered this new movement of dreamers, who bombard the airwaves with an idealistic and religious utopianism that promises, through apocalyptic purification, to eradicate the old, sinful world and fill the resulting emptiness with a new world where time stops and all problems are solved. The movement promises to followers what many never had: a stable home and family, a loving community, fixed moral standards, financial and personal success and an abolition of uncertainty and doubt. It offers a religious vision that will make fragmented, lost individuals whole. It provides moral clarity. It also promises to exterminate, in one final, apocalyptic battle, the forces many of these people blame for their despair. Learned, through her faith, put her life back together. And she waits, like many believers, for a day when the forces that nearly destroyed her life are vanquished and rendered impotent.

Learned lives in the nation’s rust belt. The flight of manufacturing jobs has turned most of the old steel mill towns around her into wastelands of poverty and urban decay. The days when steelworkers could make middle-class salaries are a distant and cherished memory. She lives amid America’s vast and growing class of dispossessed, tens of millions of working poor, 30 million of whom make less than $8.70 an hour, the official poverty level for a family of four. Most economists contend that it takes at least twice this rate of pay to provide basic necessities to a family. These low-wage jobs, which come without benefits or job security, have meant billions in profits for the corporations that no longer feel the pressure or the need to take care of their workers. Learned and her neighbors have watched helplessly as jobs are automated or outsourced. After 1970, when manufacturers closed huge plants and moved them abroad, the real earning power of wages for men, who once could bring in enough income for their households, stopped rising. Economics professors Peter Gottschalk of Boston College and Sheldon Danziger of the University of Michigan found that about half of those whose family income ranked in the bottom 20 percent in 1968 were in the same group in 1991. Of those who moved up, nearly three-quarters remained below the median income.[48]

The loss of manufacturing jobs has dealt a body blow to the American middle class. Manufacturing jobs accounted for 53 percent of the economy in 1965; by 1988, they accounted for 39 percent. By 2004 they accounted for 9 percent. This is the first time since the industrial revolution that less than 10 percent of the American workforce is employed in manufacturing.[49] There has been a loss of nearly 3 million manufacturing jobs nationwide since mid-2000.[50] The forced retreat by workers into the service sector, into jobs that pay little more than the minimum wage, has left many households desperate. Laborers in the steel mills and manufacturing plants once made an average of $51,000 annually. Those who have moved into the service sector now make $16,000 in the leisure and hospitality sector, $33,000 in health care, or $39,000 in construction. In 2004, average employee compensation in the United States fell for the first time in 14 years.[51] Between 2000 and 2004, Ohio lost a quarter of a million jobs. Cleveland became the nation’s poorest big city, and young people are fleeing the state in massive numbers to find work.

The bleakness of life in Ohio exposes the myth peddled by the Christian Right about the American heartland: that here alone are family values and piety cherished, nurtured and protected. The so-called red states, which vote Republican and have large evangelical populations, have higher rates of murder, illegitimacy and teenage births than the so-called blue states, which vote Democrat and have kept the evangelicals at bay. The lowest divorce rates tend to be found in blue states as well as in the Northeast and upper Midwest. The state with the lowest divorce rate is Massachusetts, a state singled out by televangelists because of its liberal politicians and legalization of same-sex marriage. In 2003, Massachusetts had a divorce rate of 5.7 divorces per 1,000 married people, compared with 10.8 in Kentucky, 11.1 in Mississippi and 12.7 in Arkansas.[52]

Couples in former manufacturing states such as Ohio have to find two jobs to survive. The economic catastrophe has been accompanied by the erosion in federal and state assistance programs, the cutting of funds to elementary and secondary education, the reduction in assistance to women through the Women, Infants and Children Supplemental Nutrition Program, along with reductions in programs such as Head Start and federal programs to assist low-income families, elderly people, and people with disabilities who once turned to the government for rental assistance.[53] Federal abandonment of the destitute came at a time when these communities most needed support. As the years passed and the future began to look as bleak as the present, this despair morphed into rage. Learned has watched families unravel under the pressure. Domestic violence, alcoholism and drug abuse run like plagues through the depressed pockets around her community. And Ohio, seething, has more white nationalist groups than any state in the Midwest (73), according to the Center for New Community in Chicago.[54]

It is hard to argue that Learned, or any other convert, is typical. The movement cuts across class and economic lines. Not all who fall into despair turn to the Christian Right. Learned focuses her life on the fight against abortion rather than on campaigns to elect Christian candidates. She is not particularly political. But she knows intimately the despair that is the fuel of the movement. While this despair manifests itself in many ways and produces many varied reactions and belief systems, it shares a common feeling of loss, of abandonment, of deep pessimism about the future. When despair is this profound, the desperate begin to seek miracles. It is easier, indeed understandable, to look for hope and comfort in the mystical hand of God. It is easier to believe that destiny has been preordained and that the faithful will be blessed, even if they have to go through hard times. Christian conservatism has allowed Learned to redirect her anger, an anger many around her share, at those who have failed to heed the word of God. She believes, like 36 percent of all respondents according to a Gallup poll, that the world is soon coming to an end.[55] She has read and accepts as prophetic the 12-volume Left Behind series of apocalyptic Christian novels by Timothy LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins that has sold more than 60 million copies. The manufacturing and industrial world around her has already seen its apocalypse. The rusting hulks of old plants loom like giant, rusted dinosaurs along the roadsides. The labor and pain and sacrifice of a lifetime of toil have left workers bereft, impoverished and living in urban squalor and neglect. The world has crashed and burned for them. Another apocalypse, one that will lift Christians out of this morass, seems a welcome relief.

The ecstatic expectation of the Rapture, in which the elect are raised up into heaven while the damned suffer unspeakable torments below, creates, for the despairing, a dramatic and miraculous reversal of roles. This belief comforts those thrust aside in America, and in an age of greater and greater inequality, allows people to privatize their morality. They are told that people who suffer are responsible for their suffering; they must not be right with God. These believers can ignore their own social responsibility for inadequate inner-city schools, for the 18 percent of American children who don’t get enough to eat each day, for the homeless, for the mentally ill. They accept the curtailing of federal assistance programs and turn inward, assisting only those within their exclusive Christian community and damning the world outside.[56] This social concern is replaced by tiny, more manageable acts of personal charity, such as giving food packages to a family in the church or teaching young girls about abstinence. Learned, like many in the movement, has little time for those who depend on the state. Goodness has become, in the new creed of the Christian Right, a question of judgment and carries with it condemnation. The movement allows marginalized people the pleasure of denouncing others, of condemning those they fear becoming. The condemnations give them the illusion of distance, as if by denouncing the indigent they are protected from becoming indigent. But this road also leads to a disastrous disengagement with the larger, more complicated systems and imbalances that fuels poverty and injustice.

“I think welfare has played a huge role,” Learned says when asked about what contributed to the sickness of American society. “I know that I am speaking just for my own area, but these men are not taking responsibility for their children. They live with their welfare moms until the welfare moms get sick of them. They spit them out to some other welfare mom. And these guys don’t work! They don’t work. They live off the welfare money of these girls. They create babies all over the place. It is sickening! It is absolutely sickening that we are not making these men take responsibility for their babies. And what sickens me is these guys are driving around in these incredible cars, and you know they are dealing drugs!”

But while the movement depends on the dislocation and rage of millions of working-class Americans, it is not defined solely by economic boundaries. The common denominator is despair, a despair creeping into a threatened middle class, where jobs are also being outsourced and company layoffs are throwing older workers out of jobs. There may be more despair in places like Youngstown, but it exists in communities across the nation, including those of the middle and upper classes, where people feel isolated and adrift. In interview after interview, those in the movement spoke of desires for suicide before finding Jesus. Even if the feelings were fleeting and never acted upon, they indicate how terrible life had become before conversion. Despair is the most powerful force driving people into the movement.

June Hunt is the daughter of Texas billionaire H. L. Hunt, one of his 15 children by three different mothers. Her father, a staunch conservative who hated President John F. Kennedy, was a bigamist and con artist. He abused her mother and was remote, often terrifying. The terror, the fear and the instability of her childhood mirrored that of Learned. And as with Learned it was this shame, abuse, loss of control, and guilt that drove her to embrace religious utopianism.

“I grew up in a home where immorality abounded,” she told an audience of Christian broadcasters in Anaheim, California, where she spoke for the first time in public about her past. “I grew up in a dysfunctional family, before there was knowledge of the word ‘dysfunctional.’ And it was not fun. There was fear, walking on eggshells. There was disarray, there was disruption and dissension. During my teenage years, my father was an enormous success in the business world, but an enormous failure in our family world. We were all eggshell walkers, at least around him.

“And let me try to explain. Until I was 12 years old, I grew up with a different name, a different last name. My name was June Wright. My father became romantically involved with my mother although he was twice her age. He was a married man with six children. My mother’s father, meaning my grandfather, whom I never knew, died when she was three years old. And I believe she was trying to fill the father-void when he came along. And he was persuasive. And we were a covert family on the side, with four children, me being one. Actually, I will say this: truthfully, I discovered my father had a third family with four children in another city, another major city. We were the ‘Wright’ family. W-R-I-G-H-T. I was told it was because my parents did what they thought was right. My mother was deceived, and later, she lived with horrendous guilt and shame. And I, as I share this with you, I can remember her taking us to church, and her craving to go inside, but she felt too guilty, and so she couldn’t walk into the doors of church. Shame poured out of every pore of her being. And she loved the Lord, and she felt trapped. She didn’t know what to do. She certainly didn’t have the skills to deal with my father; at least she didn’t know how to handle the situation. And I saw the agony on her face, and many times she would just go to a church, during the week, and just stay there for hours and just pray.

“I prayed, I wasn’t even a Christian at the time, but I prayed, ‘Oh God, give my mother a friend.’ You see, mother was afraid to have a friend, because she thought no one would accept her, that she would be rejected, and she didn’t want to bring shame on a friend. Eventually, the first Mrs. Hunt died, and my father married my mother, and I became June Hunt. It was very difficult to explain this because my name already on the birth certificate was June Hunt. Ruth June Hunt. You’d think this would make things so much better, but it didn’t. Dad was totally possessive of Mother. She was a beautiful, gracious, and kind woman, but she was his trophy whom he showed off nightly to his dinner guests. We kids were forbidden to speak at dinner; children were to be seen not heard, unless there was a conversation that would be of interest to everyone, and nothing was ever of interest to him.

“I truly hated him,” she tells the gathering. “I remember being 14 years old. I had a friend who had a father who was a lawyer. I asked him one evening, ‘I have a friend who wants to know what would happen to a 14-year-old boy who commits murder.’ He answered, ‘Well, the 14-year-old is a minor, so he probably would be released at age 18.’ That’s all I needed to know. A few weeks later, I approached my mother with a proposition. I said, ‘Mom, I figured out a way, how I can kill dad. There won’t be much of a repercussion because I am just a minor.’ I was dead serious. What I appreciate, is my mother did not chide me, she did not laugh at me. Instead, with heart she said, ‘Honey, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but that really won’t be necessary.’ It’s not that I actually wanted to commit murder, I just wanted the pain to stop.

“I know what it’s like also to look for love in all the wrong places, anything for security, anything for comfort,” she says. “I clearly know what it’s like to feel desperate for hope in the night. I had a nighttime of my life that lasted a number of years. The Book of Proverbs [Proverbs 14:12 and 16:25] says, there’s a way that seems right, but in the end it leads to death. Clearly, I was headed the wrong way.”

Those propelled into the movement, like Learned and Hunt, seek forgiveness for what they have thought or said, for what they have done, often for how they have lived. They seek meaning out of meaninglessness, worth out of lives that felt worthless. They seek firm, moral absolutes after being unable to distinguish between right and wrong. They seek safety, the safety that comes with a utopian vision that tells them they are protected, loved, guided and blessed. They seek a world where good people, which they have become, have good things happen to them and bad people are tossed aside to be destroyed. Converts seek a world where they will never again have to return to the lives they led, never again wonder if it might be better to end their lives, never again be tempted by the dark impulses that beset them. They embrace a collective madness to crush their personal madness.

This despair does not always rise out of severe want, the kind of want that plagues much of the developing world, or out of the immediate threat of war, but rather is the product of the disconnectedness and loss of direction that comes with living in vast, soulless landscapes filled with strip malls and highways, where centers of existence and meaning have been obliterated. It is a response to a national malaise. This despair has created, perhaps more than any other force, the opening for these utopian visionaries.

[laxyaklovesloz]

DannyMay 2024 #06 Immortal AU

Warning: This one is sad. Also, TW: Suicide.

Jazz was the last of his friends and family to go. Figures that she would have the longest life. She was always so healthy. Tucker had died relatively young due to his poor eating habits. Sam wasn’t too far ahead of Jazz. She was always the fittest out of his friends. Jacob died in a plane crash, living his life to the fullest. Danny’s parents both died of old age close together.

At least Danny had Chelsea. The two of them had stopped aging at around 25. They realized maybe ten years later that something was different with them, more than just them being halfas. They weren’t getting as many wrinkles. They had more energy than their peers. Not only had their ghost half stopped aging, but their human half had as well.

Danny had a breakdown when he realized what that meant. He would live to see his family and friends die, one by one. And he would never join them in death.

Chelsea’s worldview was shattered. All her life, she clung to the idea that she would see her family again after death, that there was something more. Now that wouldn’t happen for her.

Their friends and family tried to comfort them, but the sadness would always remain. Danny and Chelsea put up a good front while their families lived. They pushed the sadness away for the time. They each had kids, and their kids had kids, and they had their own kids.

But finally, one day, Chelsea had enough.

“Danny, I can’t keep living like this,” she confessed to him in private. “Everyone’s gone, our grandkids are grown. Humans aren’t meant to live this long.”

“What are you saying?” Danny asked, a lump in his throat. He thought he knew where she was going with this.

Chelsea couldn’t look at him. “I’m saying… I want to move on. I’m… I’m going to try killing myself. I don’t know if it’ll work, but I have to try.”

Danny clutched at her hands. He hated what she was saying. “You-you can’t! The Ghost Zone needs you. I need you!”

Tears formed in Chelsea’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Danny. I’m not needed here, no matter what you say. I still believe there’s life after death and not just ghostly life. I want… I want to see my parents again.”

“I know how you feel,” Danny started, but Chelsea roared at him.

“No, you don’t! Or else you’d be saying the same thing.” She calmed herself down, though the tears still splashed on Danny’s hands. “You’ll still have all of the other ghosts. You don’t need me. I’m ready to move on.”

With this repeated statement, the tears stopped. She looked him right in the eyes. Danny stared back at her, trying to comprehend. He could see there was no fighting her. She had made her decision.

It was Danny’s turn to look down. “Alright,” he said sadly. “I respect your decision. When will you do it?”

“After I say goodbye to everyone,” Chelsea answered. She lifted his chin and smiled. “It will be okay. We’ll meet again someday… if you ever decide to join me.”

Danny felt tears in his own eyes. He kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll hold you to that.”

≈∞≈

They made a ceremony out of Chelsea’s death in the Ghost Zone. Many ghosts were curious to see what would happen if a halfa’s human half died, but most were there to support her. She didn’t want to make a big fuss, but she couldn’t say no when people asked to witness. Word spread. She couldn’t help that.

Danny stood with Chelsea in the center of attention. He held her hands again, trying to comfort himself as much as her.

“Ready?” he asked quietly.

Chelsea nodded with a smile. “I’ll see you on the other side, assuming this works.”

Danny half hoped it didn’t work but said, “I’m sure it will.”

“Desiree,” Chelsea said aloud, “I wish to die peacefully and without pain.”

“So you wish it, so it shall be,” Desiree answered solemnly.

Chelsea smiled one last time at Danny, then her eyes closed and she collapsed. Danny’s core screamed for him to help her. This was almost worse than anyone else he had seen die. He knelt and took her in his arms, weeping freely. He didn’t care that all of his ghost friends saw him cry. Many of them were also crying.

Then something changed. Chelsea’s ghost form was floating up, out of her dead body. Her eyes were closed at first, but then she opened them. She stared around at everyone, and then at Danny, who still held her body. She looked down at her own body and tears formed in her eyes.

“It didn’t work,” she sobbed. “I’m not home.”

Danny dropped her dead body and hugged her ghost one. “You are home. We’ll always be here for you.”

Chelsea cried into his shoulder, but Danny’s heart soared. He wouldn’t be alone after all.

[thoughtfulfoxllama]

My Pioneer Heritage

So, my Biological Family has pioneers in it. Matta Maria Rosenlund (who went by her Middle Name when she got to Utah) & her husband Daniel Dewey Corbett are among them

Daniel Corbett

Daniel was born in Maine on May 16 1807. He and his wife joined the Church in 1839. They moved to Nauvoo in 1844, and only learned about the Martyrdom when he was en route (which means, unfortunately, they never saw the Prophet personally). He was ordained as a Seventy when he arrived in Nauvoo, and used his skill as a Cobbler to help finish the Nauvoo Temple. They received their "partial Endowments" (I am unsure what this means, but if you're familiar with the Endowment, he got at least the Adam part) on January 12, 1846, before they & their family were forced from Nauvoo

They moved Kanesville, Iowa for years. They were able to plant & harvest their own crops, and even had a daughter who would later marry Martin Harris Jr. On July 5, 1849 the family joined the Allen Taylor company, and completed the journey to Salt Lake

When they arrived, they were allotted land between 4-5 East & 6-7 South. In the early years, he was extremely charitable (given the hardship of all the Saints during this era). He would make & mend shoes for little to no charge, collected firewood for widows, and gave what flour they could spare to those in need (they would take a brass kettle of flour to them as their Fast Offerings)

They wore homespun clothes, dying & spinning the yarn, then sending it to the mill to be made into cloth. They ate Pork, Cornbread, Jonnie Cakes, and Sugar Cane Molasses. They fasted on Thursday Morning (Fast Day was Thursday in the Early Church)

He lived close to the school, and was one of the few Saints who had a clock, so students were often sent to his home to determine the time. Daniel's family was unable to afford the 25¢ a week cost, so like many students, they paid it with vegetables

Daniel loved his wife, Elmira (born 1811). They were Sealed by Brigham Young on June 30, 1853. Unfortunately, she passed in February the next year. This lead Daniel to have to care for 6 children (ages 5-24, with the oldest being married the year before). He remarried Ann Jones, an English Convert, on November 8, 1861. Ann was married before she immigrated in 1849, but it is unknown if she was widowed or divorced. Ann had poor health, and was infertile. As her health became worse, she told Daniel to find a Second Wife, to help care for her & the 2 children left at home. This wife was Matta Rosenlund. Ann died in December 1888, and always held love for her sister-wife (although we know more about Elmira & Matta, Ann is relatively unknown, possibly because she had no children to tell her story. I hope, when the Resurrection occurs, I will be able to learn at the feet of the woman who brought my 3rd Great-grandmother into her family)

He lived many years, supporting his family, and living the Gospel until his passing on June 26, 1892. He was buried next to Ann

Matta Maria Rosenlund

Matta was born November 1, 1826 in Malmöhus, Sweden. She was the first born of Wilhelm Jonas Rosenlund & Boel Jonsson. She had 2 sisters & a brother: Anna (March 20, 1829-? She survived to Adulthood), Hannah (May 25, 1831- May 25, 1832), and Johan Wilhelm (April 10, 1834-October 2, 1836)

Both of her parents died of Cholera in Stockholm when she was 13, leading her & 10 year old Anna being placed in an Orphanage. Despite this, Matta (and presumably Anna) were educated at the King's School, given her father's illustrious military career (being the equivalent of a 4-Star General by age 30). After her education, she got a job in a bakery before marrying Ockar Victor Leonard Svansberg on May 29, 1849

Oscar was a French Sculptor & a Mason "of high degree." She was seen as more Spiritually inclined, while her husband was more Worldly. However, they were often seen together at high society events, such as Masonic Balls ("where Mr. Svansberg was usually the leader because of his pleasing appearance and personality")

Together, they had 4 Children in Stockholm: Victor Mauritz (June 25, 1850-), Maria Lovisa (July 4, 185è-), Oscar A. (1853-? Died in Infancy), and Hilma Ida Constance (May 4, 1863-)

Maria was a faithful Lutheran, but joined the Church in 1859. She spent the next 5 years trying to bring her husband to the Church. When he wouldn't join, she left him, and brought their daughters (Lovisa age 11, Ida under 1) to England with her. They sailed on the Monarch of the Sea under the direction of John Smith (Church Patriarch)

The journey was treacherous. They sailed from April 28, 1864 to June 3, 1864. There were 973 immigrants, and they were provided with little water and whatever provisions the Church could gather (Hardtack, Pork, Peas, and a little White Flour, Sugar, Coffee, and a few other things). The next day, they saw the logistical errors of feeding nearly 1,000 people when it took them 8 hours to get everyone Rice. It was also on this day the first baby died on Measles. Ida was the only baby to survive the voyage, with the other 20 either dying from the disease, or being thrown to sea. The Capitan was determined to throw Ida to sea as well, but Matta hid Ida in her Shawl. In addition to sickness, the sea was so violent that the sickbay was often full of people injured by being thrown around, and there were days when the cook was unable to safely cook (meaning there was no food those days)

After arriving in New York, she took a number of trains until she arrived in Nebraska. On July 4, 1864, Matta & her Daughters joined with the William B Preston Company, arriving in Salt Lake on September 15th, 1864. Her grandson reported that "although Zion did not appear to her as she had anticipated, she many times made the remark that when she set her feet on Utah soil it was the happiest moment of her life. The struggle to exist was a very difficult one, but she seemed obsessed with the desire to make good, and through toil, struggle, and undying faith she succeeded." Soon after her arrival, she heard from friends back in Sweden of the death of her husband

Her son, Victor wanted to join his mother & sisters on their journey, but was unable to due to his service in the Swedish Military. He arrived on July 14, 1877 (after a mere 3-weeks journey). He lived with his mother for 2 years, before disappearing without a trace

When in Utah, she became a Nurse, and helped Ann Jones. Ann & Matta (platonically) loved each other, and Ann asked Daniel to take Matta as a Plural Wife. This marriage resulted in 2 Children: George Q (November 28, 1866-September 20, 1867) & Otis (December 21, 1868-Febuary 4, 1940). Ann helped watch the Children when she was away from home, and adored all of Daniel's Children (as well as Matta's Children from her first marriage) like they were her own

Matta continued her career for over 20 years, sometimes accompanying Ella Shipp (honestly, I can write a whole essay about this badass female doctor, but you'll have to Google her for now). She was eternally optimistic, and was known for helping her patients recover rapidly. She delivered hundreds of children

I love learning about family history because of the lessons we can learn from those who came before

Daniel was a loving man. He never had much, but he was generous with what he did have. Maybe he only had a kettle of flour, but he gave that flour to those who needed it more. Although Matta's Children weren't his own, he loved them unconditionally, and gave whatever he could

Ann may have been infertile, and invalid, but she didn't let either stop her. She rejoiced in all the children of her husband's wives. She cared for them when she could muster up the strength

And Matta went through a lot. Orphaned at 13 & having to care for a sister, fearing having your daughter thrown overboard, having a son go missing without a trace, and being constantly surrounded by sickness. But she never lost hope. She was born in high society, and married into it. But her happiest moment was after she gave it up. She fought for everything she had, and that brought her joy, because she knew she had earned every blessing

I want these stories to be known. Every story deserves to be told, to live through the Ages, to inspire the Children of Men to do better

I want to hear your stories. I chose my Pioneer Ancestors because they speak to me the most. But I want to hear about the people who's stories you most value, whether your parents' story, or some obscure knight in the 12th century.

𐐔𐐰𐑌𐐷𐐲𐑊 𐐔𐐭𐐨 𐐗𐐫𐑉𐐺𐐮𐐻- 𐐕𐐰𐑉𐐮𐐻𐐨 𐐮𐑆 𐑄 𐐑𐐷𐐳𐑉 𐐢𐐲𐑂 𐐲𐑂 𐐗𐑉𐐴𐑅𐐻

𐐣𐐰𐐻𐐲 𐐣𐐲𐑉𐐨𐐲 Rosenlund (unsure how to pronounce her last name...)- 𐐆𐑁 𐐷𐐨 𐐸𐐰𐑂 𐑁𐐩𐑃 𐐰𐑆 𐐩 𐑀𐑉𐐩𐑌 𐐲𐑂 𐑋𐐲𐑅𐐻𐐲𐑉𐐼 𐑅𐐨𐐼, 𐑌𐐲𐑃𐐮𐑍 𐑇𐐰𐑊 𐐺𐐨 𐐮𐑋𐐹𐐪𐑅𐐲𐐺𐐲𐑊 𐐲𐑌𐐻𐐭 𐐷𐐭

[missheavenfield1215]

Fakiru Vampire AU

I know, I know, October is over, but I completely forgot that I had to post this...

This was for the Spukisison, but I forgot about it.

Where Fakir is a writer who has inherited his great-great-grandfather's talent for turning stories into reality. And Ahiru was the last victim of Drosselmeyer's whims and is doomed to live as a Vampire (Lebensfresser, Life's Eater) if Fakir does not help her. (There are more drawings in all of this post)

Bloodline

"Thank you for giving me your blood, Fakir"

"And I would give you my soul if you asked me for it" (Obviously, he would never say that out loud)

Fakir is a very young writer, but extremely talented. His talent runs in the family, as his father, grandfather and great-great-grandfather were. In particular, critics have said that he is the successor of his great-great-grandfather, Drosselmeyer, who has become an important figure for his country.

But, despite Drosselmeyer's incredible and undeniable talent, and having written wonderful tales and stories, most believed that their mental state was not the best.

And even the bad tongues said that he possessed a certain black magic... That some of his stories came true once he wrote about them.

In his later years, he claimed to have met a race of human beings who had evolved to devour their fellow humans. Although almost no one believed him, as soon as he published his last book, “Lebensfresser,” people began seeing human-like creatures with the same characteristics as he described. And although these sightings were isolated, they were enough to motivate victims’ relatives and volunteers to go out and hunt them down. According to the accounts of those relatives, none of them remembered what had happened when they left the village.

But that remained a folk tale, as only the legend had survived. After this, Drosselmeyer was found with a fang mark on his neck, everyone believed that he had been killed by a Lebensfresser who sought revenge for telling their secret, although the popular version says that he was bitten by a bat that came from abroad.

Fakir, for his part, hates having to deal with his great-great-grandfather's legacy. So, instead of writing fantasy and drama, he focused on writing detective novels and short stories.

But it didn't help him much to take his eyes off his legacy, because a red-haired girl appeared through his bedroom window looking for his help.

It turns out that on one of his travels, Drosselmeyer found an isolated kingdom that had no resources because the nobility had taken everything from them, even their children and husbands, to make them fight in the war. Drosselmeyer, eager to be able to write and to show himself as a savior, asked the poor people if they wanted power to take revenge on those indolent nobles and after receiving suggestions, he gave them enormous power.

Before he transformed them into Lebensfresser, he had promised them that their transformation into the beasts would be temporary and would only last for a week, but when the time was up, they never became human again. Furious, the villagers sought him out for answers, but learned that Drosselmeyer had escaped.

It was 20 years before they found Drosselmeyer's village and began killing innocent people. Drosselmeyer, scared that they would find him, sent the remaining relatives of the affected families and "volunteers" with weapons and secrets to wipe them all out.

To prevent the Lebensfresser from giving information to the villagers about him and his treatment, he partially erased their memory, they will remember fighting, but they will not remember details.

What Drosselmeyer didn't count on was that before he could write "they and all their descendants died in the assault," one of them had attacked a mother and her daughter. The Schwan family had gone on vacation, but unfortunately, they arrived at the village of the damned.

There, Lord Schwan was killed while trying to protect his daughter, Ahiru, and his wife Odette. But when he was killed, the Lebensfresser locked them in the dungeon. In the midst of the battle waged by the villagers, they managed to escape, but on the outskirts of the Kingdom, they were ambushed. This Lebensfresser managed to mortally wound both of them, and accidentally transform Ahiru... And knowing that they did not have much time and there was nothing more to do, Odette offered her own blood to her daughter.

In all those years, Ahiru always refused to hurt anyone, and survived by drinking the blood of dying animals, as well as sleeping for a long time right after drinking blood, to avoid getting hungry and hurting anyone. One day, she met a fortune teller and was advised to find Drosselmeyer, as only he could revoke the curse he had placed on her and thus, Ahiru found Fakir.

She asked him for help and told him everything her great-great-grandfather had done, since apparently having a drop of Lebensfresser's blood on one of her wounds, does not make her his descendant and therefore, made her immune to Drosselmeyer's last writing.

In addition to that, she helped Fakir to see the truth behind what his own writings... Apparently a couple of thieves have come out wanting to imitate what they read in his books, but apparently it is not a coincidence.

Apparently, Fakir still has a part of Drosselmeyer's power in his blood and has caused a very small part of his writings to come true and therefore, he can help her.

Fakir feels partly guilty of what happened to her and he cannot let her continue drinking the blood of dying animals, because she can get sick again. So, Fakir lets her stay at his house until he can return her to her human form, in addition to giving her his blood every time she gets hungry (at first, she refuses because she does not want to hurt him if she enters a euphoric state by tasting human blood, but he insists and she sleeps a lot to avoid having to ask him for more blood and hurt him)

At first, Fakir helps her to take the guilt off of himself but everything becomes closer and he genuinely wants to help her because he knows she is worth it.

Well, it was more or less like that... I didn't want it to be so long but, I just thought it was better to give more context... I hope I haven't bored you 😅

Here are more sketches:

I tried to do more, but I ran out of ink

How I thought the relationship between Ahiru and Fakir was going to be in this AU:

As it really is:

I hope you like it and if you have any suggestions, I want to read them!

I hope you have a nice day!!

[thewritetofreespeech]

I'm not sure if you do My Happy Marriage requests, but could I request Miyo with a reader who's her bold and snarky younger twin sister? Fitting for someone who will get violent when provoked or when her sister is hurt in any way, she wields pyrokinesis.

It was over. Miyo was safe and back in his arms. Though she hadn’t woken up just yet, the doctors assured Kiyoka that she would be fine as long as she rested. He had almost wept at that. He would let it take as long as it needed. Let Miyo rest as long as she needed. After her life, understanding now fully what she had been through, she deserved it.

Her life would be peaceful, quiet, and serene. Kiyoka would see to it personally that she was never bothered by frivolous family members again.

“Miss! You can’t go back there!-“Where is she?!”

Kiyoka jumped a little in his shoulders when the door flew open, and wild, unkempt, angry young woman stood there. “Who…are you?”

“I’m [Y/N]. Miyo’s sister. Is she alright?!” The young woman didn’t seem to bother with an answer as she knelt by her sister.

The servant who had followed her looked unsettlingly at their lord, but Kiyoka waved her away as more people would just be more noise for Miyo. “She’s alright. She just needs rest. Forgive me. I thought Miyo only had one younger sister.”

“Tsk. That one….” The disdain in her seeming to mimic his own feelings towards Kaya, and a stark contrast to the gentle way she was soothing Miyo’s hair in her sleep. “I’m her other younger sister. Her younger twin actually.” Kiyoka was shocked. He didn’t know that Miyo had a twin, but although they didn’t look identical the proof was still undeniable. What else did he not know about his wife? “Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure everyone else in the illustrious Saimori pretended I was dead for so long that they virtually made it true. Twins are unlucky, you see, so we were a bad omen from the start.” [Y/N] stopped stroking Miyo’s hair and sat back on her hands. “They sent me away to live our mother’s relatives, after she died. I wanted to stay but Shinichi wouldn’t have it. Too much ‘competition’ for his new wife & happy life probably.” Kiyoka had met the man and agreed that sounded about right. “I wasn’t allowed back at the estate, and after I got my gift I definitely didn’t want to come back and help him. Miyo never told me what was going on in her letter. Kouji finally told me what happened after this….I should have been here.”

Kiyoka can see from her tightly gripped fists that she was telling the truth. He knew it because it was the same frustration he felt when he couldn’t help her all this time. “She does that a lot. Not tell people things.”

“She told me about you though.” [Y/N] told him. Moving yet again to sit properly. “That’s how I knew where she was. Well, I went to the house first. Surprised I didn’t see Kanoko there sifting through the rubble for her hair combs. Horrible bitch….”

Though Kiyoka cannot condone the language, he can certainly appreciate the sentiment. “Ahem…well…” he said after a bracing cough. “I am saw your childhood home was destroyed.”

“It wasn’t my childhood home. I never lived there.”

“Still, I apologize. My actions may have been a little rash in the moment.”

“You saved Miyo.” She told him. “That’s all that matters.”

He supposed that was true. At least, that’s what he was thinking in the moment. “I wish we could have met under better circumstances.”

“Me too. But…this is fine too.” [Y/N] reached out her hand over Miyo, and Kiyoka realized he was meant to shake it and did so. “You’ll have to keep her safe now. Otherwise, you’ll have to answer to me. Now that I’m back, I’m not going anywhere. And you’ve never fought a Grotesquerie half as scrappy as me.”

Kiyoka chuckled once. “I some how believe that.”

Below them, Miyo stirred and started to open her eyes. “Kiyoka-sama….[Y/N]-chan…”

“Miyo!!” They both exclaim in unison. Startling the poor girl. “I’ll…let you guys have your lovey-dovey moment. Miyo, I’ll be back with some tea. You still like peach tea right? I’ll go get some.” And [Y/N] was out the door before Miyo could answer.

“Was that…truly [Y/N]-chan…?”

“Yes. It was.” Kiyoka told her. Already taking Miyo in her arms. “I have to say. She might be the only family member of yours I like from now on.”

[lilacthebooklover]

An analysis of Rococo (OMORI), because he doesn't get enough love :)

This is an analysis of Rococo as a character, looking into almost every word he says and interpreting them. It's time to find out just how tragic this funny little artist man can be >:]

"I've been alone for so long... but after what feels like an eternity... At last... I have... an audience!"// "PLEASE LISTEN! I'M SO LONELY!!"

He's been alone for ages, judging by Sweetheart’s long-lasting relationship with Spaceboy, him falling in love and moving in with SWH when she got her castle 'as a young donut', and his loneliness . This is someone who hasn't spoken to anyone in years and is willing to beg for a bit of company. 

He also clearly thrives on attention, both from this quote and the grand flamboyance of others, so being without that for so long must have been terrible for him. While 'what feels like an eternity' could quite probably be a hyperbole, he's had no way to tell the time since he's been literally trapped inside the walls.

The poor guy's so lonely . :[ 

"In the beginning was me... crying in a pod in the middle of space... witnessing my home planet blow up right before my eyes." // "I can still remember it all so vividly... Fire... Fire... everywhere... and then darkness." // "Even as a baby, I knew I was the sole survivor of my species... the last elf in the entire universe."

I know this is a Superman reference, but I’m going to treat it as its own separate thing for the sake of the backstory :)

Immediately, this shows us that he's lost his home as a child (being a literal baby when his planet was destroyed) alongside any family, friends or even people of the same species. He was completely alone from the start, and there's no way that something like this wouldn't cause issues later on.

Also, the fact that he remembers this shows two things: A- this affected him so deeply that it remains with him to the present day; and B- he can remember it despite being incredibly young. This means that it's likely he remembers a lot more , having such an extensive memory– e.g. everything that happened with SWH, too: them being close, her claiming 'Sweetheart is for everyone', himself getting abducted by the guards, every moment of living in the walls... It may be a stretch, but it's a possibility, and his storytelling shows that he may overdramatise his past a lot, but there are still some key facts within it.

The repetition of 'fire' makes it seem like he's almost reliving it, caught up in his memories. This is a tragic backstory already , and this is just the first 2 lines.

""So this is how it ends..." I thought."

There's no panic, no regret. Just pure, depressing acceptance. He was ready to die, knowing that he couldn't do anything to stop it and having been exposed to death so early on.

(This is also likely just something he made up remembering for the effect, but that shows that either then or later on, he realised he could very well have died in that desert. Ouch)

"Yet... In a stroke of luck, I was found by none other than a young DONUT by the name of SWEETHEART. She brought me to her family and they took me in as one of their own."

He and Sweetheart grew up in the same house, the same area of Faraway, best friends. They seemed to be like siblings, judging by her taking him in, them fighting, and knowing and caring about each other incredibly well. This makes her later betrayal all the more heartbreaking because this isn't just a woman Rococo's pined for before, but rather his entire world . 

He never mentions Donut Grandma or any other relatives outside of this, just her. They don't mention him, either.

 He doesn't have any friends, or a close bond with anybody , except  for Sweetheart, who intentionally locked him in her walls for years. Again, Rococo's completely alone.

"It was a rough childhood. We fought frequently, but she would always win... If I fought back... Well... ..." // "Anyway! I learned to run! And I got quite good at running… But... there's only so far you can run." // "Yes, it was a hard time. But even through that suffering, I stood firm."

I have... A lot of feelings about this part.

He describes his childhood as 'rough' even after he was rescued, which is immediately a red flag. He says that he and Sweetheart fought frequently, and it doesn't seem like any adults broke up their arguments.

Then, Rococo says that SWH always won. They would get mad or disagree, but even as a child, Sweetheart refused to accept she was wrong. This says a lot about her character; Sweetheart's always been like this.

'Fought back' means that Sweetheart had to be fighting him in the first place, and Rococo just had to take it. He was getting hurt, either physically or verbally, on the regular.

The frequent ellipsis throughout show how difficult it is for him to remember and share this. He cuts himself off a few times, his voice trailing off, while never explicitly saying what Sweetheart did.

However, as a result of Sweetheart having different opinions to him, Rococo 'learned to run' . This means he had to be running from something, his forced cheer at the matter and determination to change subjects and make his story dramatic and lighthearted again demonstrated through the exclamation mark. 

Then, there's the phrase, '...there's only so far you can run'. He's speaking from experience here, and it really brings to question again just what he had to run from, and why. 

Furthermore, this is immediately followed by, 'Yes, it was a hard time', showing that he found simply growing up around her– and having reason to run– difficult. This is to be expected growing up with Sweetheart, but the fact that he didn’t seem to have anyone else means that she was his only company constantly. His childhood is far sadder than I initially realised.

'Suffering' again shows us just how much he endured as a child; I'll go back into this in the next point.

"Because even then, I knew everything had a purpose. I was sent to this planet and survived for one reason and one reason only... to repopulate my entire species."

Rococo ploughed through his 'suffering' for only one reason: he felt it was his obligation to repopulate his wiped-out species. That's... Actually really disturbing, when you think about it.

Rococo doesn't think he's alive for the sake of being alive. He doesn't think he was just fortunate enough to survive. He believes that he has been kept alive by the fates solely in order to procreate.

This is an impossible goal, too, since he is the only one left. There are no other elves for him to have kids with– even if they were, options for partners would be incredibly limited and based not on love, but necessity. At best, he could make hybrid elf-donut kids with Sweetheart, but he can't repopulate his species. What he views as his only purpose is one he isn't even able to fulfil.

This is also a huge weight on his shoulders. There would always be that sense of estrangement since he is the only one of his kind, his desire to make more showcasing even that hidden hope for those like him. Because people like to be around those of the same likes, interests and species , but for Rococo, that last bit's impossible.

Loneliness is the centre of his entire backstory, and has followed him relentlessly throughout. 

"There is a conspicuous gap in my memory after this, so I'll fast-forward a few years." // "At some point... SWEETHEART and I fell deeply in love, became engaged, and moved to this giant castle together!"

This has some truly horrible implications. 

Rococo, having remembered his time as a literal baby, lost an entire chunk of his memories as a (presumable) adult? It doesn't seem likely, and 'conspicuous' only further supports this.

The fact that this is immediately followed by him and SWH falling in love seems wrong , to say the least. Rococo has just said he suffered at her hands, fought frequently with her, learned to run because of her, and now, he doesn't even remember falling in love with her.

One moment, he's living in Orange Oasis with his adoptive family. In the next, he's engaged to Sweetheart in a giant pink castle with no clue how he got there.

What seems more likely is that Sweetheart, who loves people loving her , got frustrated with Rococo's lack of blind adoration and decided to do something about it. 

It seems that here is when she encountered the Keeper of the Castle, who she begged to make the castle hers. In the Keeper's words: "That girl. She was an elaborate one.

This dwelling. It takes the shape of one's deepest desires. A place to return to. Somewhere to call home."

Her 'deepest desires' resulted in Rococo having a years-long gap in his memory before finding out he was apparently in love with and engaged to Sweetheart. He probably believed this, too, as by that point, he would have been affected by the Castle he now resided within. 

The Keeper said he gave her "A castle full of riches, servants for her to command, a stage for her to flaunt her power". He does not mention Rococo, but this tells us about SWH's desire for power and reveals that the sprout moles are either of Sweetheart’s creation/wants or were tricked into loving her.

If it is the latter, the same would have likely applied to Rococo.

"We were inseparable, her and I... and we loved each other dearly! I would do anything for her, and I mean anything!"

The ellipsis here indicates either that Rococo looks back on this fondly or with unease. The following exclamation mark again shows that he's trying to make his story seem happy, trying to convince himself that the only person he was close to genuinely cared about him as a person.

The emphasis on 'anything' once again contradicts his feelings prior to the memory gap, suggesting that Rococo's mind has, in fact, been tampered with. There is no mention of SWH doing anything for him– only the Keeper' remark on her hunger for power.

Needless to say, this doesn't suggest that their relationship was particularly healthy .

"I was ready to spend the rest of our lives together... to grow old... and to raise hundreds upon hundreds of children!" // "Hmm... Thinking about it now, I wonder if I ever made that clear to her."

Again, he longs for people of the same type and is excited to fulfil what he believes is his purpose. He made it clear quite early on that he's always wanted to be a father, so him not mentioning this to Sweetheart ever seems unlikely. 

Knowing SWH, she was probably far more focused on her own wants than Rococo's, regardless of his feelings. Their relationship was based off of what she wanted– and it seemed that Rococo grew a little too attached for her liking.

"Alas, all good times must come to an end. As SWEETHEART's fan base grew, she and I grew apart as well."

He views their relationship as 'good times', despite what he's depicted being sudden and unequally reciprocated devotion. As Sweetheart became more centred on her fame and fans, Rococo grew more and more alone. 

Again .

"She began receiving gifts and letters from suitors from all over the universe... asking for a chance to prove their love to her."

The ellipsis once again shows his hesitation. He doesn't want to remember this, yet recounts it all the same as it is an integral part of his story. She’s the only person he has, and Rococo doesn’t want to lose her.

Don't forget that by this point, he and Sweetheart were engaged . 

"Being her one true love, I was vehemently against this notion! But she wouldn't have it!" // "“SWEETHEART is for sharing!” she would say!"

They are planning on getting married by this point. Sweetheart is all Rococo has, and he has said that he would have done anything for her.

And yet, that wasn't enough for Sweetheart. Rococo is being perfectly reasonable here, yet once again, he suffered as a result. This is a sad echo of their apparent fights as children.

"..." // "So... one night while I was asleep... SWEETHEART and her servants tied me up and sealed me inside the walls of her castle."

The pause here shows his sadness at this, seeming to have to take a moment for himself before speaking. Here, his grandeur is gone, replaced by pure misery.

Sweetheart assisted in tying him up, and as the guards were manifested from her desires, them helping her get rid of him shows that she simply no longer desired Rococo.

This would have been traumatising in itself– being kidnapped in the middle of the night and aware enough to see your attackers–, but the fact that Rococo knew and trusted her so much makes this even sadder.

He had nobody else, and Sweetheart sealed him away for what was probably intended to be forever. Rococo, once again, was alone .

"I have been wandering aimlessly through the darkness inside the walls ever since... surviving off old TOAST and TOFU." // "Yes... You four are the first living beings I have seen since that fateful day."

Firstly... Toast? As in, toast that people become if they lose a fight? As in, toast that is essentially dead bodies?

Considering all of Sweetheart’s skeletons in the dungeon, it would not be a surprise if the corpses of those she executed were also thrown into the walls– anything SWH didn't want, after all.

Rococo, potentially having never been exposed to the concept of toast=person, had to survive off of this. What's even worse is that he could have known what it was yet had no choice but to eat it, supported by the use of ‘living’ in the above quote. This also means he's been here for a while , long enough to start starving and for SWH to make through multiple seasons of a show and date Spaceboy.

If that isn't a horrifying thought, then what is?

Secondly, he became absolutely isolated after this. Left with no closure and no explanation, Rococo can only wonder what went so wrong for this to happen.

Living in the walls means he could have been able to hear everything SWH was doing– including her courtship of Spaceboy and 'Sweetheart Quest for Hearts'.

Either that, or he’s been exposed to no other form of human contact for years. He's also in a dungeon , with no natural light and a distinct lack of hygiene or, well, anything really.

"Sniff... Oh... SWEETHEART... Why did you do it? Was I not good enough for you?"

He doesn't blame her. He doesn't blame the fans.

Rococo blames himself .

His idea of 'not being good enough' for Sweetheart is equivalent to him being locked in her walls to rot for years. This is someone who is very much not okay.

He has to stop himself from crying here, sniffing as he laments what he views as his failure. Because Rococo has been alone for his entire life, and Sweetheart was the only exception.

He loved her more than anything, so it's hard for him even after he's found to view her as in the wrong. Sweetheart, after all, was always the one to win their arguments, to do something that caused Rococo to run if he fought back.

!

"Sigh... For the last few years, I've had a long time to think." // "I kind of gave up on my dreams and all that stuff now... It all seems so far away and pointless..." // "So... I've decided to drop everything and become an artist instead!"

He's given up on his dreams. Rococo's main one was to repopulate his species, but now, he can't think of anyone who loves him. It takes two people to make a child, and Rococo's all alone.

So, he's left without a purpose. He has nothing to do but utilise his surroundings– until Omori & co. find him, Rococo believes he's never going to leave the dungeon. So, he decides to use what he has available.

And that's painting supplies. He aspires to become an artist, waiting and waiting for anyone to make art for. He's desperate to be commissioned, to have a purpose again.

We never actually see him leave the dungeon, but he had to be getting those bed upgrades from somewhere . Imagine, after years of solitude, Rococo finally manages to leave the walls, only to retreat back to them at the first possible opportunity. He doesn't know how to live anymore, how to be around other people.

He feels incredibly lonely, but can't find the strength to interact with others anymore.

Art becomes his only reason for existing, Rococo devoting every bit of his time to it until he masters it. But then...

"Thank you, fellow living beings. Through these few commissions... I feel as if I had made great leaps in my quest of self-discovery in the process. I am also very rich now." // "I can do no more for you! I truly feel complete!"

'Fellow living beings'. Rococo's so socially awkward by this point that it's not even funny (okay, maybe it's a little funny). He feels the need to remind himself that he is, in fact, still alive.

He 'feels complete'. There's nothing more for him. He is ready to pass away.

Now, Rococo has managed to 'find his purpose', be it what he originally intended or not. He's become as good as he can at what he focused on doing, except...

...There's nowhere to go from there. 

Rococo will inevitably be left alone once again, trapped in a cycle of loneliness and purposelessness. If his purpose is to be an artist, how will he get any better than he already is? If he wants to spend his money, what will he use it on?

At the end of this story, just like the rest of the points throughout, Rococo is still alone. 

He has money, he has his art, he has a comfortable bed, but he still possesses a total of zero friends. Omori and co. are customers. Sweetheart is in Deeper Well, working for the Slime Girls and not giving a toss about him. None of his adoptive relatives in Orange Oasis seem to care about him.

Rococo always has been, and seemingly always will be, all by himself– all the way up until he dies, just like the rest of his kind. He was never able to complete his original goal, he is left with nothing more to do after completing his last commission, and he has nothing more to spend his money on.

Because Rococo is alone once again

The End :)

Huh, that turned out a little longer than I thought it would. Oh well :)

Rococo's such a fun character but I barely see anyone talking about him, so I hope you enjoyed this little look into him! He's so silly and dramatic and angsty :D

Thanks for getting this far lol

[dollarbin]

Nickel Bin #21:

J.D. Souther, RIP

Wow, he just died. Poor John Dennis!

I grew up with an uncle named JD. Unlike Souther, my uncle never suggested that Linda Ronstadt invite him over and cook him dinner (she, righteously, made him a PB&J). Nor did he found a terrible band with Richie Furray and Chris Hillman, nor write largely mediocre hit songs for The Eagles. Rather, my uncle JD collected archaeological tidbits from around the globe and worked as a chemist for a hospital until he died, relatively young.

I also grew up idolizing an altogether different JD: JD Fitzgerald, author of The Great Brain books. Did you read his books too? If not, turn off your computer and start reading them. Right now!

Uh oh, I see your still reading this instead. Okay, that's weird. But, I'll carry on...

Unlike JD Souther, my uncle JD and JD Fitzgerald did not retire at age 35 and then decide, “I had done what I wanted to do musically. And I just thought to myself, ‘All the men in my family worked until they died, and I’m going to take a few years off and build a great house and have a life.’”

Wow, that sure sounds nice. My uncle worked till until he died; so, I imagine, did JD Fitzgerald; after all, he wrote a whole bunch of books.

And I may not be named JD but today, when I am 13 years older than Souther was when he decided it was high time to hang up his songwriting boots and commence to forever appreciate the good life, I principaled a high school, taught 6 hours of classes on 12th Night, The Inferno and The Brothers Karamazov, cooked three family meals, shopped for hummus and sauerkraut at the ridiculous neighborhood grocery store my wife prefers over Trader Joe's, justified my existence in that store by picking up a six pack of hopefully gluten free beer, prayed for my Dodgers, had my dreams for them come true despite their troubling dirth of pitching as they crushed the Marlins, pet and fed the cat while dealing with its feces, typed this nonsense in my kitchen while simultaneously applauding the Schitt's Creek episode taking place in the family room, watched 7 glorious minutes of Neil Young shredding on stage in Japan in 1976 and read 20 divine pages of Ursula K. LeGuin.

And J.D. Souther? He apparently spent the last 44 of his 79 years retired and the other 35 years as either a child or as a guy who wrote songs for others and dated famous ladies. Plus he played occasional shows and did a little acting on the side. Sounds rough.

Wow, I sure sound bitter, don't I? Butdon't get me wrong: I enjoyed my day and I'm prepared to praise the recently departed JD Souther. But first we need to talk about JD Fitzgerald.

I note, by the way, that you have not stopped reading this and done as I directed: you are not currently reading The Great Brain books. I will take the high road and assume that you are not a lazy bum; rather, I will embrace the fact that you already know those 6(?) or 7(?) titles all too well: that you read them to all your children when they were young, or plan to do so once they are born, and that you keep copies of the books, like I do, conveniently about your house.

But just in case I'm wrong, and you are indeed a lazy bum, here's a run down on Fitzgerald: JD grew up 100+ years ago in a Utah nowheresville with a Mormon mom and a non-Mormon dad and an older brother who was a born confidence man, i.e. a swindling preteen who did everything from selling tickets to view his family's water closet - the first in their town; come, see it flush! - to using his great brain help the town's lonely and angry queer girl learn how to read and fend off the bullies. The younger brother in question grew up to write stories about said older brother and each novel is a Stone Cold Classic and is surprisingly unproblematic - there's no racism or homophobia! progressive thinking around religion and migration abounds! - even by today's probably not lofty enough standards.

I'd say J.D. Fitzgerald did more than all right for himself.

And J.D. Souther? He did all right too. After all, he passed this timeless, swaying song to Linda Ronstadt (and he even contributed some choice backing vocals).

And Faithless Love is just about equal to a lifetime of very good work...

[cherchersketch]

Raffine's Plan: Save My Favorite Character / I will Seduce the Male Lead for My Older Brother

I've just been on a kick of reading "cute babies doing cute baby things" series on Manta

Summary Baby girl gets reincarnated into a super depressing tragic romance novel. Everybody dies at the end @A@ And her older brother is the first one to go (by offing himself @~@) It all stems from the OG!ML marrying bro's secret love, the OG!FL, and the OG!FL also realises her mutual feelings too late. Big bro was her oshi in the novel so of course, gotta come up with a plan to save him while they're all still young and the tragedy hasn't really started yet. It's all so simple. This 6-year-old kid just has to propose to this other 10-year-old child. What could possibly go wrong.

Tropes   - cute babies doing cute baby things - my family is obsessed with me - *proposal* at first sight (but they're all still BABIES) - isekai-ed but I’m just an extra - you're gonna isekai because "god" says so

baby FL - Raffine Estern

- technically older than she looks (but keeps ending up acting like her actual body's age anyway) - lost child returns to her rightful family ;w; - manhwa children always be a mix-and-match of the parents’ hair and eye colour - 4 steps ahead of everyone (helps to have already read the ending) - somehow all the important plot elements are coming to her instead

baby ML - Zerkan Perdenia

- he's gonna have a ~traumatic childhood~ (but our FL's here to stop that) - for once, it's not the dowager empress that's evil but some random concubine - look they're all literally too young to be thinking abut romance so he thinks the slight blushublushu is brotherly affection for his best friend's little sister

children who deserve the world - Adrian Estern + Violet Fitz

- baby boy is a siscon so poor ML is slowly becoming his number one enemy (affectionate) - there are so many other series where Violet would be the FL instead lol (accidentally picked up an MC's long lost baby relative) - at least they're actually gonna get the happy ending this time (because this is a romcom)

Rating: I enjoyed my time reading this I will read all the otome isekai and you can't stop me Status (as of 6 Nov 2023) Ongoing. Still pretty new, but it's a Manta series so I'm not sure if it'll hit 100 episodes.

Same Same but Different   - Too Cute to Handle - Devoted to Diamond - Flirting with the Villain’s Dad - One Step Forward to the Flower Path

full rec list