#all jokes aside it was funny ill be real

[bugdew]

not what i was gonna post today but i needed creek practice so now someone else has to see it too

shhh dont look at their faces too close thats the part im bad at

[yeokii]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ   𝓐.DORE YOU ❨ 이희승 ❩

꒰ synopsis ꒱ all hopes were crushed when you realized there was no way to get close to your crush, choi beomgyu. your advances to get close to him never seemed to work. so, you decided to get closer to his best friend, heeseung, by joining the broadcasting club. but as scripts change, so do crushes, and you end up falling for his best friend instead.

▸ auditions are open . . . !

ㅤ❕MATCHMAKER ── crush's bsf ! heeseung x reader

fast forward  ⃕ [ genre ] : written, fluff, 90s/20th century girl au, slowburn

meet the members ! beomgyu, soobin, jungwon, karina, rei, sunghoon, lia, my ocs

warnings 𖧷 angst but also teeth rotting fluff, suggestive ─ kissing; making out, cursing, skinship, afab reader, mentions of parties and underage drinking, slowburn like actual slowburn u might fall asleep, heeseung has mommy and daddy issues (erm), mentions of injuries (nothing serious) heeseung is mean at first gn, heeseung typical cold kdrama ml, beomgyu fboy era real (01z on top what can I say) lmk if there's anything I missed!

ㅤhe's a real catch ▹ 23K (lol what.)

⌕ [ archives ] one result found . . . hi hi my heeseung long fic era is finally here !! also happy early birthday to my sewlmate @yenqa hope u like my silly little work books butt!!! I had the urge to write a hee fic after watching a time called you (but my inspo is mostly from 20th century girl) also yes I tried a diff type of writing so hopefully it doesn't come out as childish eurm and I did not mean to make it this long bye also ty yen yen for making my synopsis and for proof reading !! (love ya stinkabutt) alsooo the end won't be like the end?? like ill write some drabbles for this!! I just wanted to get this over with lmao anyways hope you enjoy !! reblogs and comments r very much appreciated ^^

The fall of nineteen-ninety-six marked a pivotal moment in your life. Ever since you came into the world, you never really could grasp the concept of love. You wrapped your head around the myths and tales your mother would read to you every night. You thought that every princess would have her own shining knight in armour. So after thirteen years of living, where was yours?

Your knight in shining armour, or knights in shining armour, existed within the pages of the comic books you read. You often wondered if they would magically pop out of your books and transport you into their world.

Similarly, you wondered whether any of the characters from your adored TV shows  would step out and bring you into their lives.

So, it wasn't a surprise when your jaw dropped to the ground as you saw the most beautiful man in your life (well, technically, boy). If the epitome of beauty was a fourteen-year-old boy, it would be Beomgyu.

But it wasn’t just his face that made your thirteen-year-old self swoon over him, it was also the way he acted. You loved the way he conversed, his smooth way of talking at a young age and the way he smiled at you every time he made jokes with his friends. You loved how his eyes lightened every time he’d pull a silly prank.

But the problem was, he never talked to you. You admired him from afar. You never actually had the guts to talk to him.

As if You were content with watching his funny actions from a distance. There were some moments when you pushed aside your nervousness and talked to him.

You remember having butterflies in your stomach the moment you first talked to him. There were times when you both were paired up as project partners for a biology assessment and at that moment, you swore you would have worshipped the floor that your biology teacher walked on due to her giving you an opportunity like this.

You knew this was an opportunity to make your move. And you did. You brought him small snacks with little notes on them. Gave him gifts regularly. Maybe even took lessons from your best friend on how to subtly flirt with him. You really thought you had him. Because whenever you used to play out these little acts, you saw the subtle smile on his face. You were so close. It’s like the universe laid it out for you. Gosh, how lucky you were!

Luck. The luck that you thought you had. If luck was a person, you would’ve tackled it to the ground already. Because the day you were about to confess to him was the day he announced his new girlfriend. 

His first girlfriend. You doubt you called it ‘love’ since the only thing she cared about was that he was popular and pretty. That’s it? All that girl could get from Beomgyu was his looks and his reputation. You could’ve scoffed at the sight.

Beomgyu was so much more than that. He was loyal, kind, and trustworthy. And she went for his looks. Even though she had him, you felt as if she was missing out on so much. You were partly sad due to them getting together and also due to Beomgyu getting used to his looks.

So, you were practically prancing when you heard the news of their breakup a month later. Did you care that Beomgyu was absolutely heartbroken? Well, yes, but you felt relieved that Beomgyu was finally unleashed from that mean troll's wrath.

And as he got older, he grew more handsome. And God did you love it. When you entered high school he was a completely different person. He had gotten more flirty and way more pretty. He was way out of your league. 

Out of the years you were in this crappy high school, you made absolutely no improvement in your and Beomgyu’s relationship. Beomgyu, who kept getting new flings every summer and tons of situationships seemed to discard your existence. One could only say ‘What the fuck?’

Your thoughts swirled, and you had a collection of emotions roaming around your head until your best friend jolted you back into reality with a gentle nudge on the shoulder.

“Are you even listening?” Seori’s voice cut through your thoughts, annoyed, since she had to explain what she was talking about in the first place.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” you blinked, focusing your attention on your best friend.

She sighs, “I was saying that I think Doyoung is going to ask me out.” Seori pouts “Why does he not get that I don’t like him that way, jeez.”

Her ramble about her current boy toy washed out in the background. You were once back in your thoughts until you saw him heading into the cafeteria. Beomgyu entered the cafeteria, his smile widening at something his best friend said. 

Lee Heeseung, Beomgyu’s best friend. His ride or die. As long as you can remember, they were attached to the hip. They were basically the package deal. If Beomgyu was the life of the party, Heeseung would hold up his hair while he threw up in the host’s toilet. While Beomgyu was the exact depiction of a social butterfly, Heeseung remained aloof, keeping people at arm’s length. You could only wonder how he dealt with Beomgyu’s outbursting personality.

“Earth to Y/n!” Seori snapped her fingers in front of your face which once again, brought you back to reality.

“Sorry.” you sheepishly smiled looking at your best friend's annoyed face. Your friend followed the gaze you had fixed before looking over to her. And her eyes followed the trail of your alleged ‘man’–– Beomgyu.

“Him again.” a sigh erupted from Soeri, having enough of your rambling over your four-year-old crush.

“I’m sorry, alright!” you pouted, your back hunching over the disappointing development between you two which was nowhere to be found. “He’s just so cute, God!”

Your sigh was followed by your best friend. Not long after, your best friend’s fed-up expression converted into a rather eager one.

“I got it!” she exclaimed, her hand hitting your back while she practically screamed. You winced in pain as a few fellow students gave you judgemental stares.

“All you have to do is be close with his best friend, Lee Heeseung.” she slowly said, almost like a mastermind coming up with a villainous plan–well, you would consider your best friend to be some sort of evil criminal.

But this, this opened new angles in your head. It felt like the universe–or more like your best friend–laid it out for you again. Your once unsolvable puzzle showed a new direction, and the missing piece was all in front of you. 

Okay, maybe you felt bad that you were going to use Heeseung like that, even looking forward to it. But, you were really desperate. To the point where you would actually be eager to attend Sunday mass just to ask God for Beomgyu to like you back or even spare one glance at you. Well, what could you do? 

Out of excitement, you pulled Seori in for a hug with a squeal while giving her a kiss on the cheek which she in return, yelped. “Seori, you’re a genius!”

“Yes, I know.” she laughed a bit, escaping your tight grip on her before wiping the spot you kissed her hastily with her hands.

“I mean, how hard could it be?” 

You smiled and your gaze went up to the boy you loved for most of your life, then slowly to the equally handsome boy next to him.

Jackpot.

“God you’re such a pain to be friends with!” Beomgyu scoffed with a smirk underlying in his face, his hands in his pocket.

“What? What do you mean?”

“Well, you totally ignored that girl’s attempts to hit on you.” Beomgyu said, replaying the past moment that happened five minutes ago.

“Well, she was a nerd.” Heeseung shrugged, “Not exactly my type.” the boy said as they continued walking.

Beomgyu could only sneer at the hypocritic words coming out of his best friend’s mouth, “What do you think you are?”

Heeseung stopped in his tracks, taking great offence to the oh so harsh words said by Beomgyu, “Dude.”

Beomgyu in return, slightly chuckled at his ‘hurt’ face.

“Only kidding.” he said while they continued to walk to their next class, Beomgyu slightly bumping into Heeseung as a form of apology.

“You’re lucky I’m your best friend.” Beomgyu boasted. “Or you would be off with your little nerd antics.” he continued to tease the poor boy, loving the slight reactions his best friend gave.

“Honestly, what would you do without me?” he asked, giving a pat to Heeseung’s back which hurt too much for his liking.

They continued to stroll down the corridor, continuing the conversation with bits of banter here and there.

Beomgyu and Heeseung were basically peanut butter and jelly –– they just clicked. Every time you saw or thought about Beomgyu, his other part of him was always there. But they were practically the opposite of each other. You would stay up late at night during your daily night sessions of thinking about Beomgyu where you would wonder how in the world they became friends. 

Heeseung on one hand was the most isolated person you’ve ever seen. His only friend was Beomgyu. You would only see him have a handful of acquaintances with his daily visits in the broadcasting club he was in. 

Now Beomgyu was everything but isolative. He was the star of the school. Which meant he had a shit ton of friends. He was always the centre of attention. With his contagious laughter and a knack for mischief, he perfectly complemented Heeseung’s calm demeanour. 

Heeseung felt like he was saved when Beomgyu walked in his life. No longer was he the lonely boy who sat alone in the cafeteria because they thought he was a weirdo or whatever. No longer was he the last to be picked for basketball in recess. He finally had a friend.

It was a bond that was made by the silliest circumstances. Heeseung still remembered it like it was yesterday. The day Beomgyu became his knight in shining armour. Back when Heeseung was five or six, he was troubled by the local elementary bullies he had to face every day at school. So he felt even more frustrated when he found himself stuck in a situation where he met his bully outside of school, in a park. 

While almost being suffocated as he was being grabbed by the collar, a similar aged boy kicked his left buttock from the side so he would fall. It was a silly move, yes. A bit of screaming and newly learnt cuss words came out of the bully’s mouth and a few threats made Beomgyu scared out of his ass.

He was a pussy in the first place. He always was. So this took him a lot of courage because he had to point out the wrong and fight for justice, or so his favourite superhero at the time said. So naturally after putting on a tough facade, it quickly crumbled when the bully was about to throw a punch which made Beomgyu grab Heeseung’s hand and run. 

To this day, nothing really changed. Heeseung is still the same shy, quiet kid he was and Beomgyu was still a pussy who acts before he thinks. And together they were the perfect match for each other. 

You walked through the bustling hallways, barely managing to make it out alive with the sweaty teens packed inside, chattering away. As usual, it was always packed the minute the annoying school bell rang. You held onto the strawberry flavoured juice box you bought earlier as a gift for Heeseung so he knows that you come with good intentions –– kind of.

At the end of the corridor you made it to the broadcasting room. You felt a bit nervous, contemplating whether to do this or not. But you couldn’t back out now. This was your last shot at getting close to Beomgyu. Obviously you couldn’t.

You entered the meeting room with a nervous smile to see the faces of familiar people you saw in this school. The room looked cosy. There was obviously the recording studio across the room with a glass panel to see what was happening. A table in the middle, shelves with the older recordings of the morning announcements done by the seniors of the school, some bean bags here and there and a sofa at the end of the room. But what caught your eye the most was the little cork board hanging on one of the walls. It was decorated by a handful of polaroids of the broadcasting club.

At the corner of your eye, you saw one picture which relieved you a bit; a picture of Heeseung smiling as widely as he can. The picture brought a sense of happiness and removed the uneasy feeling you had in your stomach. He actually had feelings and wasn't a statue all the time.

Your thoughts were broken by the president of the club, Soobin. “Hi, you must be Y/n, yeah?” 

To your eye level, you could only see his chest, so you had to look up to the sun to see his face. Jeez, was he tall. “Hi, yes I am. I came to join the club.” You spoke up nervously.

“Great! Welcome to the club, we’re happy to have you here.” Soobin warmly smiled, looking back at his members, prompting them to welcome, which earnt a cheery ‘hello’ from everyone except for the boy sitting at the end of the table, secretly rolling his eyes which you clearly noticed.

You didn’t know why he was like this with you. What did you do wrong? Well, technically you were about to do something wrong, considering the entire reason you joined the club was to use Heeseung as your own little puppet to get close with Beomgyu.

You sat on the only seat available, which was next to Karina. She greeted you with a comforting smile. A few minutes into the meeting and you already like you belong here even though you didn’t know jackshit about broadcasting or the fact that you would be scared out of your mind to do the morning announcements.

But aside from that, you felt like you had a good time. Except one thing was bugging you. The most important thing you came for. Heeseung. He converted and engaged in the conversation but had kept a distance with you. You, who didn’t do anything to him at all. More than you were hurt, you were confused. Trying to remember what you had done in the past to upset Heeseung, but none came to mind.

Every time you had given out a suggestion, everyone agreed except for him. He kept quiet when you opened your mouth. The uneasy feeling was eating you away so you leaned over to Karina. 

“Is he always like this?” you asked her, your head discreetly pointing at Heeseung.

Karina followed your gaze and looked over to Heeseung, “Like what?” she looked over back to you, confused.

You hesitated for a second before spilling out the words, “Is he always this… cold?” 

Karina chuckled softly, “Yes, but he’s sweet. He’ll take some time to warm up to you.” She reassured you, putting her hand on your shoulder. “Don’t worry.”

This somewhat settled the uneasy feeling that roamed around your body. You engaged yourself back into the conversation the meeting currently had. And before you knew it, the meeting ended and the members bid Goodbye to each other, not forgetting about you. 

Heeseung was quick to leave the club, simply waving to the people present in the club, looking past you with no emotion on his face. You felt like banging your head on the wall. What the heck did you do for him to hate you already? One look at you and he already despised you. Shit, were you that ugly? You touched your face, thinking if you looked unpresentable, but that didn’t make sense. You looked fairly average and well there seemed to be nothing wrong with you.

Shit. 

Did he find out about your plan already? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Thousands of thoughts roamed around your head, each laced with panic. It couldn’t be. You hadn’t told anybody else about the plan you came up with. If he did find out, he had every right to be mad at you. You were basically using him as your puppet to get closer to Beomgyu. A slow wave of guilt was creeping over you. You cleared your throat and you bid the members that were getting ready to leave, not letting the guilt get to you. You followed Heeseung out the door and down the stairs.

You saw him walking down the stairs, his bag draped over his shoulder.

“Heeseung! Wait!” you said, rushing down the stairs. 

He turned around to see you rushing down to meet him, “Hi, um… I thought you might like this.” you said, nervously as you handed the juice box over to him.

He took it and his gaze faltered down the drink in his hand. The next thing he did was one you never expected. He scoffed. He actually scoffed. Was something funny? You didn’t get it because if there was something, you’d be the first one to laugh because you did not let any joke pass over your head. You were confused. Was he… laughing at you? 

You were the first to speak, “Did I do something wrong?”

“I’m not thirsty.” he said, looking at you. His gaze made your knees tremble. What the hell was his problem?

He handed you back the drink, but it was the least of your concerns. “Well, I’ll see you on Monday.” you said, your voice suddenly sounding dull, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

As you passed him you heard him mutter, “You shouldn’t”

“What?” you turned back. “I don’t get what I did?”

“I just… Why’d you even join?” he turned his body and looked at you.

“I felt like it. That shouldn’t be a problem to you.” you sternly said, not caring if it came off as ‘rude’ anymore.

“It would. You’d be bored after three months and leave.” you had the strongest urge to slap him in the face. You? Bored? Like hell you were going to be. Not when you can already foresee the future where he’s going to give you one hell of a nightmare. 

“And then Soobin would have to hand over whatever comprehensible duty he gave over to you and put that on our backs.” 

You were more so shocked by his choice of words rather than angry. And currently, you wanted to pour the juice box you had in your hand over his head.

“Well I won’t, So don’t hold your breath.” your nails pricked into the cardboard of the juice box you held, trying your hardest not to twitch your face or furrow your eyebrows.

He scoffed with a stupid smirk plastered on his face, shaking his head. Putting his hands into the pockets stitched to his trousers, he walked away from you. 

“You're just like the others.”

Heeseung walked away leaving you feeling annoyed as well as frustrated. He was a complete jerk! The reassuring words Karina said to you before was no use now. You were sure he didn’t act like this when he first met the broadcasting members. So why was it only to you? But you decided it’s not worth caring anymore. He was just another obstacle in your path to making Beomgyu like you back. So you put aside your hurt feelings and straightened your back with one thing in mind; you were going to make that bastard like you.

Which is what you exactly planned on doing, standing in front of the wooden door, outside the broadcasting room again once again. 

You swallowed the big knot that rested in your throat and opened the door. To your surprise you saw Heeseung sitting on of the chairs, headphones plastered in while his fingers flipped over the pages of a comic he was reading while bopping his head to the rhythm of whatever geeky music that played through his headphones.

Maybe he didn’t hear the door creaking open or maybe he wasn’t bothered to look at you, but either way you went and sat in front of him, clearing your throat to make him look up from the comic his eyes were glued to.

You didn’t know if it was the awkward tension in the room or you dreading to ‘apologise’ to the boy in front of you, but the moment his gaze fixated on you, your heart started beating twice as fast. Maybe it was how pretty his eyes looked with his bangs covering most part of it or how he resembled an innocent bambi–

“Can I help you?” He spoke up, interrupting your thoughts about him.

“I just wanted to apologise for yesterday, I wasn’t meaning to be on edge, but I was kinda nervous with meeting new people and you ofcourse! Not that I mean it in a bad way, I don’t think you’re bad or anything I was just–” 

And then you realised that you were rambling.

In front of Lee Heeseung.

“I was just nervous.” And with that, you ended your lengthy sentence in a mutter.

You waited for Heeseung to look at you, waiting for his response and all you got was a quick sigh before he hummed.

Sorry, were you boring him?

But you did not have time to react as the door busted open with the tall president walking in, followed by Karina, Rei and Jungwon.

“Sorry guys, Lia and Taehyun got caught up with stuco meetings, but Karina will catch them up on everything.” He said, as he looked over to Karina, gaining a quick nod from her.

Everyone sat around the table as Soobin took his bulky notebook from his humongous bag that looked like it was filled with rocks. Jeez does this guy have a lot going on.

The meeting started where everyone started conversing and immersing themselves into the topics that the agenda listed. You even made a few suggestions that made the tall president smile at your already hard working attitude.

Which made you smile.

Which made Heeseung scoff.

It wasn’t a loud one, but you could definitely hear it from miles away. And even after you apologised! It made no sense, whatsoever. 

You stopped focusing on the topic at hand and looked over to Heeseung, comfortably sitting on the chair with his legs spread and his arms crossed. Oh wow.

No. You couldn’t get carried away from his figure, or whatever his arms were doing to you right now. You were supposed to hate him, right? And right now, you were just kissing his ass, which is what you’re so good at — namely, your best friend pointing that out whenever you went to milk out marks of your biology paper from Mrs. Min.

Of course you didn’t mean any of the words that flew out of your mouth when you were doing your so-called apology. It wasn’t even your fault! He was the one acting like a jerk! Not you!

But deep under all this anger and your prejudice against him, you had the horrible feeling that he knew why you were here, sitting in an uncomfortable chair with the members of the broadcasting club. 

And the truth was, he did know. He knew all about your little antics. He’s not stupid. And he’s not oblivious to see those raging eyes under that sort of cute but fake smile! In all these years of you attending this school against your will, you never spared one look at Heeseung. Your eyes were always and only on Beomgyu. So now why are you trying to befriend him? The one who was always in Beomgyu’s shadow?

Because like everyone else, you liked Beomgyu and your gateway was Heeseung. And it doesn’t take much to put two and two together, because it was the perfect plan that was all laid out. 

“So everyone is onboard with having a bake sale for the game?” Soobin asked, just to double check with everyone.

He in turn received nods and yeses from the members and brought you back into reality, stopping you from thinking about Heeseung’s cold manners anymore. 

You quickly nodded your head as well, putting your lips into a line. 

“Karina, me, Jungwon and Rei can bake the goods, yeah?” He asked for the members’ approval in which they agreed.

“Then,” He looked down at his notebook and scribbled some writings over it and looked up again, “Heeseung and Y/n would be selling them.” Soobin looked at you and Heeseung. “Lia and Taehyun can pop into help from time to time if that’s alright.”

Did you hear that right?

Your name and … Heeseung!

You tried not to show how your eyes were practically gleaming as you eagerly nodded. Meanwhile, Heeseung was not having it. He sighed like he had just been drafted into war, but nevertheless nodded his head as well, just more slowly compared to yours.

But, this opened new opportunities for you and new doors and each of them ending with Beomgyu, your beloved. You just had to crack through Heeseung first.

It was one of those nights where you had nothing going on in your life. You called Seori, but she was busy getting ready for Yeonjun’s party which well — you were invited to go, but didn’t because you were too lazy to get up and get ready.

So you found yourself here, in the comic store your uncle owned, slurping on some instant noodles and reading the latest version of Fuller House. You weren’t going to lie, you liked it. You were just sitting on the owner's chair with your bowl filled with noodles on the table and other stuff which were related to the store such as records of the borrowed comics. You bopped your head to the song that the little radio beside you played— ‘Candy’ by H.O.T.

The door to the comic store opened as you heard the bell hanging on it ring. Surely you weren’t bothered to look since the scene you were reading was far too interesting and Ryder was far too handsome to take your eyes off him!

“Welcome, please feel free to look around and pick up any of the comics you like. If you’re looking for something specific, let me know.” Although it was supposed to sound enthusiastic, you put in your own twist making it sound like those automated recordings you hear on those phone calls.

You finally looked up to see who the man was when you were going to gobble a mouthful of the tasty ramen you had. You didn’t quite see the face of the mystery man that came to him as he was quick to look at the various comics displayed on the shelves in front of you, making his back face you. 

You saw him pick out a comic book with a cover that you couldn’t quite recognize even if you had registered over thousands of comics here. After squinting your eyes a bit, you realised he picked out ‘Demon Diary’. 

So he’s a nerd.

He turned sideways and to your surprise, it was the devil himself—Lee Heeseung.

“Heeseung?” You said, rather loud.

Due to your shock and his name being yelled in the store, he dropped the comic and looked at you, startled—even going as far as letting out a cuss word.

“Hey man, keep it PG13.” You giggled, seeing his shocked figure, in which he rolled his eyes. “My Uncle’s at the back.”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, still shocked, because you were the last person he wanted to meet right now.

“Me? I work here.” You smirked, “What are you doing here?”

“I mean, I've never seen you rent books from here.” You added on.

“I was…just searching.”

“Right.” You said, smiling. 

Why is this nerd so awkward?

“You dropped the book, you know?” You said, looking at the fallen book on the ground.

“Right, sorry.” He muttered, rushing to keep the book back on the shelf which resulted in more books falling due to his clumsy demeanour. 

“Fuck.” Luckily, he caught them just in time and looked at you with the same cold glare he did earlier, but just a bit more awkward and maybe, embarrassed? 

And just like that he left, rushing out the door. 

He didn’t even say bye. 

How rude. 

From that day onwards, he felt more awkward around you. You just didn’t know why. Everytime it was your turn in the roster to announce the morning announcements in the broadcasting room, he had nothing but an emotionless expression and a thumbs up when recording it while you sat in the studio. The other days felt even weirder as you tried to talk to him, but he was quick to go in the other direction. Your head thinks that he avoided you out of embarrassment, but it still left an uneasy feeling in your stomach.

“He’s just so weird!” You said to your best friend while plopping onto your bed.

She was currently sitting on your vanity with a bunch of makeup brushes spread around the table and countless amounts of eyeshadow palettes opened. Apparently, she was practising to ‘enhance’ her looks to impress her new boytoy—Sunghoon.

One of the players on the football team alongside your Beomgyu.

Seori just hummed along to your rambles about Heeseung. Well she did care, but God how long can a person hear her best friends rant about the same guy for over an hour.

“And you know what he did?” You abruptly said, sitting up from your bed, “He just went! Without even apologising!”

“For what?” Seori asked, looking at you through the reflection in your vanity mirror with furrowed eyebrows.

“For his bitchy attitude.” You just had the urge to roll your eyes to the back of your head with the way Heeseung had been acting.

“Oh, only if I could punch him in the face.” You sighed.

“Just leave it Y/n. And I mean this whole thing. It took you what–so many months for your plan to talk to this Beomgyu boy and now what? All you’ve gotten is nowhere. Just move on, babe.” She said, while leaning into the mirror to apply her mascara. 

“Seori, Beomgyu is not just some boy. And actually, it’s taken me only weeks for this Heeseung plan. He’s just cold. That’s it. Karina said that he takes time to warm up to people so I think if I get past this stage I could really be friends with him.” You justified your plan, which Seori might call you a bit (a lot) delusional for.

“Alright, Y/n.” Seori sighed, “Whatever you say.” She turned around to look at you.

“I’m just saying, be careful.” Seori said, concern laced on her expressions, “Things don't always go the way you want it to. Just go with the flow.” She smiled.

“Wow, when did you take philosophy classes?” You said, having an amazed expression for sarcasm.

She rolled her eyes as she took out her eyeliner on the table, “Now, come here. You know you do my eyeliner the best.” She said, smiling.

You rolled your eyes playfully and stood up to go towards your best friend, taking the eyeliner from her hands and starting to carefully draw lines at the bottom of her eyelid.

Your best friend was practically the opposite of you. While she finds a new man every week, you’ve been hung over the same guy for the past four years. But having her here and listening to all your rants about him and his rude (but cute) best friend is something that you wouldn’t trade for the world.

As tomorrow was the big day for the game, you were determined to win Heeseung’s friendship as a way to Beomgyu’s heart.

Finally, after what felt like forever, the day you anticipated the most arrived. You looked at yourself in the vanity mirror and tightened your slicked back pigtails tired by hair ties with small bows on them. 

You were determined to somehow crack that little arrogant bastard—Mr. Lee Heeseung.

So you packed everything you needed and headed to the stadium which you found out was filled with hundreds of teenagers and teachers patrolling the stadium, looking like they had been tasked with finding the cure to cancer.

Oh was it a sight to see. You could smell the freshly watered grass and hear loud chatters of people conversing with each other—some even yelling. A sweet melody flowed into your eyes through the humongous speakers situated around the stadium. You were going to love today.

You quickly tried to find Seori and lo and behold, there she was, situated in between Sunghoon’s arms as Sunghoon whispered into Seori’s ear and her later laughing like it was the funniest thing that was ever said.

You ran up to them, waving Seori and Sunghoon as well—although you’ve never even spoken to him.

“Ah, my girl is here.” She squealed as she broke free from Sunghoon’s grasp and hugged you tightly.

You awkwardly hugged Seori back, trying to catch your breath from her tight grip while saying hello to Sunghoon who was smiling at the scene.

“You look adorable.” Seori mumbled to your ear, “So adorable that Beomgyu might fall for you the moment he sees you.”

You couldn't help but slap on a big smile after your best friend said that. “You think so?” You asked, touching one of your pigtails in which she nodded in return.

Sunghoon on the other hand was called out by Jake, his friend and teammate, “Babe—I mean, Seori, I have to go. Coach is asking for us to meet at the locker room.”

“Oh right.” Seori giggled as she quickly kissed Sunghoon on the cheek and waved him ‘Goodbye’ after saying that she’ll cheer him on.

Cuties.

Except that could be Beomgyu and you right now, but the universe apparently hated you.

“So, new boyfriend?” You wiggled your eyes at the blushing girl in front of you.

“No!” She exclaimed, “We just, I don’t know.” Seori mumbled.

“Well, if you want him; you need to date him, fast!” You warned Seori, “I just saw him with Wonyoung not long ago. And I don’t know, she looks like she really likes him.” You said.

“What?!” She yelled.

“Don’t worry,” You laughed at her furious, but cute expression, “With the way you kissed him he looks like he’s a goner.”

“Heeseung looks it too.”

“What?” You spaced out.

Why is his name being mentioned?

Suddenly all the emotion in your face drained away, like you couldn’t give two fucks about the boy that had it against you.

“He looked like he was two seconds away from a heart attack when he looked at you.”

“What? You saw him?” You questioned, looking around to find the rude boy.

“Yes, you know the bakesale is like the opposite of where we’re standing right?” She lowered her head asking for confirmation.

“Oh.”

Does he think I’m pretty?

But then you remember what Seori said. The bake sale.

“Oh shit, I have to go.” You abruptly said.

You and Seori parted ways after saying ‘Goodbye’ and you headed to the bakesale with a man standing behind the table of baked goodies.

Heeseung was preparing the goods as he aligned them perfectly, keeping the doughnuts next to the brownies and so on.

You soon caught on and went behind the table to do what he was doing.

“That’s new.” He mumbled.

You were shocked that he even talked to you.

But, hey. At Least he made your plan a bit easier.

“What is?” You asked in confusion.

“Your hair.” He said, not even sparing one look at you and keeping his focus on taking out the baked goods out of the trays next to him.

“Yeah, I tried something different today.” You smiled, thankful that he noticed your hairstyle.

“You look like a dork.” He simply said, as he went away taking the empty trays to wherever he was off to.

That bitch.

So he doesn’t think I’m cute?!

Your mouth was left open as you processed what he said. 

As if he looks good.

Well, he does.

But that’s not the point!

Your eyebrows furrowed as you let out a huff, leaving a pout on your face. You didn’t let his stupid comment affect your whole mood so you just continued with doing your tasks as his words went to the back of your head.

Heeseung and you continued to sell various types of cakes and other baked goods while you took a little bite from one of the chocolate doughnuts that was eyeing you the entire time. And you swore, you could see Heeseung subtly smiling at your cute actions from the corner of your eye. 

Soon after, the bakesale was long forgotten as everyone focused on the game and the star of the team, Choi Beomgyu. He skillfully passed the members of the opposing team with the ball tangled around his feet. The team needed one more goal to win the entire thing and time was not on their side.

Beomgyu had two minutes left on the clock to somehow magically kick the football into the goal. And just before you knew it, the crowd went crazy, screaming for their new champion—Choi Beomgyu.

He successfully saved the entire team by winning in the last moment and you adored the way his proud smile never left his handsome face even once. 

Heeseung beside you was cheering for his best friend when he won. You couldn’t help but smile at his excited expression which was a rare sight to see.  He soon ran to Beomgyu and hugged him as he praised the ace of the team. Soon chants of Beomgyu’s name echoed throughout the stadium.

Ah, were you proud of your future boyfriend. 

Maybe this was your chance. A chance to finally talk to him. Since no one was at the stall as they were all focused on the ace in the middle of the stadium that was sitting on someone's neck as people chanted his name, you thought to bring him a bottle of water. Maybe even compliment his football skills (even if you didn’t know shit about football).

You took an unopened water bottle from one of the boxes and when you looked at the stadium again, the crowd seemed to move. Fuck, you couldn’t lose him!

You started searching as people started to leave the stadium while some were idling around the benches taking pictures with their Fotoman cameras. The crowd was still very much alive, just the reason for it was missing. Could he have disappeared that fast?

You scanned the grounds one last time and at the corner of your eye, you saw a pathway which led to the boys’ locker room. Well, you had to do what you had to do.

So now, you were standing in the middle of the empty boys locker room with a little water bottle in your hand and the desperation pouring through your eyes to find the star of the day. 

But lo and behold, you found his trusty sidekick. And you wanted to laugh, because of the shriek he just let out which led you to think that this was a bit familiar to the situation you were in a few days ago. 

“What the hell are you doing in here? You perv!” He whispered, shouted and looked around and back at you with a glare shooting right at you.

“Hey! I’m not a perv! I was just looking for Beomgyu to give him some water–” But before you could finish your speech, Beomgyu and a group of guys were heard coming into the locker room which obviously you couldn't hear as you were too busy defending yourself.

“What! Hey! What are you doing?” You almost shouted as Heeseung pulled you into one of the showers and covered your mouth with his somewhat sweaty palms. 

And now, it was just you pressed against Heeseung's chest as his hand involuntarily found his way to your waist to create more space in this uncomfortably tiny shower that could clearly fit only one person.

“Who’s the perv now?” You whispered to yourself, looking away from him, but also internally freaking out that he was so close to you.

Maybe if you were some other girl like Minji from fourth period who could not stop rambling on about Heeseung or maybe the lunch lady that always looked at him with a smile and gave him extra chicken, you would be a puddle.

But you’re not, or so you think that way. Yet you couldn’t deny the quickened beats of your heart which you hoped that Heeseung couldn’t hear given that your chest was literally against his. 

You heard Beomgyu outside talking with some other players in his team about the match which made you smile. But you swore that you could see Heeseung rolling his eyes at your expression which honestly you couldn't care less, but to give him a quick punishment, you thought it would be fun to pinch his stomach where your hand was currently pressed against.

Seeing his shushed pained expression and his glare at you only made you smirk even more, but your little feud was quickly sent away as Beomgyu’s ongoing conversation got you distracted. 

“You should’ve seen the girls!” One of the football players said, “God, they were so hot! I almost missed a shot because of them!” He drooled.

Gross.

“Yeah, especially that Seori girl.” The other boy said.

Seori? As in my ‘Yoon Seori’? My best friend?

“Fuck, she was hot.” Beomgyu spoke up.

And at that instant, all the colour on your face drained away. You knew most boys always had a weird way of talking about girls, but you never expected your best friend’s name to be passed around like this, especially by your crush. Your pout only increased when you heard them talk even further and you felt a lump in your throat. This cannot be happening.

“Yeah, but isn’t she with Park Sunghoon? I saw them kissing and shit.” 

“Awh fuck me, I was going to ask her out.” Beomgyu half heartedly laughed at his missed chance.

So he knew who you were—given that you were always with Seori—and he was going to ask her out and not you.

Ouch.

You inhaled slowly, trying to not let your tears fall out as you forgot about the male that was beside you who was watching every expression that came out of your face. 

Heeseung didn’t know why, but he didn’t like seeing your face all sad and mushy. Every time he saw you, you were always giggly or mad at him or trying to put on a fake smile just to get closer to him. But he’s never seen this. And he did not like it, even though he didn’t know why. 

And without thinking, he pulled you closer to him.

Hugging you tight.

You were more shocked than sad as you looked at him. You let out a gasp as he held you tight against his chest and your heart skipped around four or five beats. He wasn’t looking at you though. In fact, he looked at anything else or than you, since all of a sudden, the soap that was lying on the soap dish looked very interesting. 

He looked very, very red––from the tip of his forehead to the bits of his neck that was covered by his t-shirt, he was red. His pointy ears that were peaking out were red, his cheeks were tinted with a rosy colour and you couldn’t miss out on how his adams apple bobbed as he took the biggest gulp ever!

But, why did you like it?

You shouldn’t.

You liked the man who was outside the shower.

Wait, is this his way of trying to comfort me?

That’s actually kinda swee—”Guys! Come outside! Coach wants to take photos!” One of the members that barged into the locker room yelled before all the soccer players scurried away and went outside the room and onto the stadium.

You could finally let out the breath you were holding in. But Heeseung already shoved you aside and threw himself outside the shower. 

You still couldn’t speak of what just happened, but Heeseung was quick to fill in the gap of silence.

“We sold enough stuff today, right?” He said, rubbing his pants against his jeans as he looked anywhere but you.

You blinked out of your dazed zone and looked at the nervous boy, “I think s—”

“Great! Okay, I’ll go and start cleaning up.” He said, as he interrupted you before leaving the room.

What just happened?

You should probably tell Seori.

She deserves to know, right?

“Y/n, what’s that big head of yours thinking?” Seori pouted as she put her arm around your shoulder.

Damn, she saw right through you.

You honestly didn’t know what you were thinking or who you were thinking of. When you paint a picture you see Beomgyu and his pretty locks of hair falling right in front of his eyes, his boyish smile and spark in his eyes

But

Next to him, you saw Heeseung.

Heeseung who has his forehead shown and his stupid locks which parted it, that stupid twinkle in his eyes which you wish you could gauge out and his slight smile forcibly lighting up that spark in you

Now you were stuck, stuck in between two of these boys. You definitely liked Beomgyu! Right? That’s what you keep repeating in your head, but the lines slowly blur as Heeseung’s name enters your head which makes you go into a spiral.

“Y/n?” 

“Hm?” You snap out of your thoughts and look at your best friend with the eyes that resembled a lost bambi. 

“You okay?” She asked, with genuine concern.

“Yeah, sorry.” You laughed it off, “I’m just tired from that soccer match.” 

“Right.” She dragged the word while looking at you suspiciously. 

“I’m fine Seori, I mean you would be too after selling around a hundred cupcakes.” You laughed, trying to change the topic.

But lo and behold, the universe was against you once again because as soon as you finished talking, you saw the boy that you were stuck in the showers with yesterday.

The pace of the students walking through the halls seemed to slow down. Everything else felt blurry except for him, the boy that hugged you tight yesterday. The usual hustle slowly faded into the background, leaving the world feeling slightly out of focus—at least to you. To your surprise, he looked even more handsome than he did yesterday. Wait, was he glowing?! Your mouth was agape as you intently fixed your gaze on him.

“Y/n! Snap out of it!” Your best friend brings your focus back to where you were.

“Huh?” 

Seori’s gaze followed on where your eyes were previously set on and it ended on Heeseung’s stoic face. A series of ‘oh’s left her mouth as she looked at you, wiggling her eyebrows.

“I knew you would move on!” She squealed, locking her arms with yours.

Did you?

“Seori, I think you’re mistaken. I was just–” 

“Don’t lie, Y/n. I know that stare when I see it.” She fixed a teasing smile on her face.

“Seori, there’s nothing going on.”

You couldn’t deny the fact that Her words hit you hard. Have you really moved on from Beomgyu? Just a few seconds ago, you were thinking about him.Yet, you couldn’t seem to shake off the feeling of Heeseung lingering above your thoughts laced with Beomgyu. 

“You can’t deny that you weren't just drooling for Heeseung. Not Beomgyu.” 

You shook your head, trying to clear your thoughts. "I don't know, Seori. It's...complicated."

Her eyebrows furrowed as a sign for you to elaborate, but you debated on whether telling what happened on the day of the soccer match and what you heard from Beomgyu.

“It’s just really complicated.” Was all you could say, “Don’t worry about it!” You forced your lips into a tight smile which in turn Seori let out a sigh and continued walking as you both tried shaking off the conversation you just had. 

Was it really though? You just may find Heeseung a tiny bit attractive after he allegedly hugged you tight in the showers—although not knowing it was intentional, you still very much like Beomgyu who wanted to ask your best friend out! Not that complicated, right? Maybe you found Heeseung a bit cute and maybe not much of a jerk like he showed you to be, especially when he hugged you, revealing he was more than just a cold facade. But what you couldn’t seem to ignore was how your heart flipped seeing his features in the crowd as his bambi eyes shone while his heart shaped lips formed into a pout as he talked with the other students.

Nonetheless, a little touching here and there and a confused bundle of feelings wasn’t going to derail your plan. You were determined to get this to work no matter what. And plus you were very loyal to your man. You think so.

That night, a suffocating silence forcefully clung to the air as Heeseung sat on the dinner table with his parents, the atmosphere always carrying a sense of thick tension whenever his parents were around. He sat next to his brother while his parents were seated across him, boring their eyes onto him with a stern look. With the silence they gave him, Heeseung felt a tight knot into his stomach that felt like it would burst any minute. 

The only sound that could be heard was the spoons and forks clanking against the dinner plates while the fan’s motor could be heard throughout the room. Although the smell of home cooked japchae filled the room, Heeseung hardly touched his food as he just poked his food with his fork. His father broke the awkward silence first,

As the silence of the man sitting in front of him spoke volumes, he was first to break the silence, “Son, how did the maths test you had last week go?” Heeseung’s father inquired while staring at him.

“I got a seventy.” 

Heeseung knew he fucked up. The young boy couldn’t help but shrink under his father’s scrutinising gaze. His cheeks held a hot shade of red as he looked at all the food scattered on his plate. He knew that what was about to come was another lecture from his father’s mouth and small scoldings from his mother as well.

“Seventy? Heeseung what have I told you?” His father’s voice grew stern.

“Honestly, what the absolute hell are you doing with your life? Last time it was an eighty, and I let it slip because maybe you weren’t doing well. But now I think you’re just lazy,” His father scoffed, “Why can’t you be more like your brother? Look, all his scores are above ninety and that’s all I ask from you.” He said, pointing at the younger boy sitting beside Heeseung with his fork.

Heeseung didn’t even bother looking at his brother, knowing all he could return was a guilty and pitiful face. Honestly, why couldn’t he be more like him?

“Stop spending time with those useless cameras of yours and actually focus on your studies!” Heeseung flinched at the sudden rise of voice from his father which he hated to admit that it affected him.

“They’re not just cameras, Dad,” Heeseung mumbled, gulping the dry knot stuck in his throat.

“What was that? Yeah right, as if cameras are going to help you excel in your studies,” He scoffed once again. “Maybe it’s that Beomgyu boy that you hang out so much with. That boy is nothing but a negative influence on you.” He spat.

And that was the first time where he finally looked his father in the eye now as Heeseung finally looked up from his plate and shot back the same nasty glare his father gave him, “Don’t call him that.”

“I see, now he’s more important to you than your own family. So what if I call him that, then what?” He provoked Heeseung.

Heeseung knew if he acted up, the consequences would be worse. He looked at his mother for any sign of help, but all she did was stare into her plate in fear of getting scolded by Heeseung’s father as well. Not being able to handle the situation anymore, Heeseung stood up from the dining table and left the house, not caring about the shouts that came from his father’s mouth.

The only thing that came out of your mouth was quiet snores. You were sleeping again after promising your mother you just needed a five minute nap afterschool which resulted in six hours of sleep, resulting in the time being seven pm now.

The door abruptly opened showing your older brother shouting at you trying to wake you up, “Y/n! Come on! Get up!”

“What the hell! What do you want?” You asked in a groggy voice, your eyes still closed.

“Go buy me some ramen.” He simply said.

If you had the power right now to strangle your brother to death, his soul would be on the stairway to hell right now.

“Fuck off!” You said as you hid yourself under your comfortable sheets.

Your brother in turn grabbed the sheets leaving you cold, “Go right now.” He said while throwing you some notes of money.

“Or what?” You provoked him, your hands rubbing against your arms to keep you warm.

“I’m telling everyone that a certain someone came home from school, crying because they wet their pants in eighth grade.” Your brother said in a sing-songy voice and a cheeky smile.

Your eyes shot open and you looked like you could kill him in five different ways. Because not only was he blackmailing you right now…but it was also in fact true.

Before you could chase him, he ran out the door, closing it shut after yelling what flavour of ramen he wanted.

“Ugh!” You growled at your peaceful sleep being interrupted by your annoying brother and his tasks.

You thought it was now a good time to wash your face and get rid of the way your bed was calling your name and looked more attractive than ever. Rolling your eyes, you wore your favourite red and white striped sweater and grabbed the money from your bed and left the house, flipping your brother on the way out.

You stepped on onto the chilly streets of Seoul and walked through the concrete roads to the nearest seven-eleven you could find. The walk wasn’t that long yet you felt like the sleep was getting to you from the way you felt already exhausted by the five minute walk. 

You walked into the store getting whatever ramen your brother liked and an ice cream for yourself to reward you for the hard work that you did now.

As you licked onto the vanilla flavoured ice cream, you were on your way back home while the chill breeze ran through your legs. Fuck, I shouldn’t have worn shorts.

And now that you think about it, you were only here because of your stupid older brother. With the amount of laziness he had in him, you had a hard time finding accepting the fact that the couch potato that’s probably sleeping in your bed got into a good university and actually has a life.

Oh how you could strangle your brother right now for his lazy bum. Only if you could have one day with him, he’d be scrambled eggs by now. Oh only if you coul— 

“Ouch!” You winced as you suddenly trip onto the ground, bruising your knee. Luckily, your ice cream was still intact, though its liquid melted onto your skin, dripping down your hands.

“The Gods hate me today!” You whined as you looked at your ankle in pain, “My poor knee.”

You looked up to find a place to at least sit so the pain would go off. To your surprise you found a nearby park which you used to visit all the time when you were a kid. You crossed the street and entered the park lit with rusty street lights. 

Wait a minute…

As you walked into the park, you saw a male figure sitting on one of the swings while  his back was hunched. 

That hoodie looks too familiar…

And then it clicked. That hoodie was the one Beomgyu wore when he went on one of the class trips. As much as it was a rare sight to see him attending these class trips instead of skipping them, you vividly remember it because that was one of the few times where you actually talked to him. 

So you slowly went towards the figure, acting like you didn’t know who he was just so you could sit on the swing next to him with the excuse of having hurt your knee.

As you slowly approached the male figure, you could kind of make out his face shape and then you realised that it wasn't Beomgyu at all.

“Heeseung?” 

You saw him flinch at the surprising sound and his eyes shot wide open to look at you, “What the hell? You scared me, woman.” He said, trying to calm down.

Much to your surprise, another one of your failed attempts.

Heeseung looked at the ice cream in one hand that was already melted and the ramen that was in your plastic bag in the other. His gaze then slowly went towards your bleeding knee. 

But you didn’t take his observation to note as you huffed while throwing your already melted ice cream into one of the garbage cans nearby and sitting down on the swing next to him, placing your plastic bag with a ramen packet inside on the ground, wiping your ice cream coated hands onto your sweater.

“What the hell did you do to your knee?” He inquired, a rough tone escaping from his mouth.

“I fell down.” You mumbled as you unconsciously pouted.

“And you’re not going to do anything about it?” He asked, amazed by the fact that you’re not bothered at your literal bleeding knee. 

“I don’t want to walk all the way back to get a stupid band aid.” You sighed, looking down.

Heeseung felt uneasy by the sight of your state where you looked like you gave up. He let out a sigh and probably a curse to what you could hear and got up, “Wait here.” He said as he left the park.

Your eyes looked up at the boy who slowly disappeared into the dark, wondering where he went. But you didn’t care anyways. Maybe Seori was right, you could never be able to get close to Beomgyu. Even the Gods are against it. Your pout came out even more as you thought about it even more. 

As you looked through the park, your childhood memories fluttered open as you remembered the numerous amount of times you played Hide and Seek with Seori or the endless amount of ways you managed to trip on the grass and form a new bruise somewhere where your mother always made a fuss about.

You sighed and glanced at your bleeding knee. You winced at the burning sensation it gave you and the sight of fresh blood splattered on your knee making you cringe as you had a trickling urge to wipe it all off from your sweater, but you knew better than that. You wondered if Heeseung would stick to his words and actually come back 

Just as the thought of the young boy entered your mind, you heard the sound of footsteps approaching you. You looked up to see Heeseung returning, holding a small first aid kit in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. A wave of relief washed over you as you released the breath that you didn’t realise that you had been holding.

Without saying another word, he got down on one knee and opened the first aid kit. He took the small piece of soft cotton and started to clean your wound. Next, he took some antibacterial cream and applied it onto your fresh wound.

A hiss came out of your mouth as your leg jerked away from his touch. He looked up with a stoic expression on his face, “Stay still.” He commanded.

Your pout quickly went away as his hand came into contact with your leg as he tried to hold it for a better grip, his touch being surprisingly gentle. You gulped as you looked away from the sight. He was being too kind for your liking. You were surprised that he didn’t walk away the moment he saw you.

After patching your wound up with a bandaid, he got up, taking the water bottle that was on the ground, and you looked up at him, searching for an answer as to why he did something that was so out of character for him.

“A thank you would be nice,” He scoffed but the confused look made him sort of understand what you were thinking, “I just... hate seeing blood.”

He gave you the water bottle. “You should be more careful, dork.”

You hesitantly took the water bottle from his hand and mumbled a thank you for the water bottle and disinfecting your wound from your clumsy fall earlier while he returned to his empty seat on the swing set. 

It had been a few moments since you both went back to silence and a few gulps from the water bottle Heeseung gave you for you to finally break the silence, “So why are you here?”

You turned your head around to face Heeseung who kept staring at the scenery of the park, “Needed some fresh air.”

“Mm, sometimes I need some too, but I go to the Han River. It’s more peaceful there,” you said, trying to keep the conversation light.

“Yeah, well, do I look like I can go there now?” Heeseung said, his voice sounding snarky and sharper than you expected.

You smiled sheepishly, understanding the given circumstances, “Right, sorry.”

Heeseung sighed, he could see your smile from the corner of his eyes. He looked down to his hands resting on his lap, “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… lash out on you like that.” He mumbled.

“I get it I guess… I guess we all have those days.” You said, turning back to view the comforting landscape in front of you. “I used to be worse. I once smacked my brother across the face because he breathed too loud.”

A snort surprisingly came out of Heeseung’s mouth. “Are you implying that smacking you might help?”

“Well not me! Violence does not help, but if it’s on my brother… then I’d disagree.” You giggled, remembering the memory of your brother sobbing to your mother with a red strike across his face.

A soft smile found its way on Heseung’s face and this was probably the first and few times you actually saw him smile. The problem was, you didn’t know why, but you liked it. A lot. And you wanted to keep doing whatever you could to keep that smile on his face.

Gosh! Get a grip, Y/n!

You both fell into a somewhat comfortable silence before you decided to change the subject again. “When I was a kid, I used to come to this park all the time,” you began speaking, your eyes wandering around the familiar surroundings of your memories spent here. “Seori and I would play hide and seek, and I’d always manage to trip over something and end up with a new bruise. My mom would make such a fuss about it.”

Heeseung intently listened. He found it comforting that he could just sit there and here you talk without finding it annoying. This surprised him, what was he doing? Wasn’t he supposed to hate you?

“Oh right there!” You pointed to one of the bushes, “I fell down on a bird’s nest there. I spent the entire ride home sobbing because I sat on some of the eggs and it.. broke.” You mumbled at the end, feeling embarrassed. “I couldn’t sleep that night so I went back the next day and made a birdhouse for that poor mama bird.” You said, a pout unconsciously showing up at your lips.

Even though you were currently going through your past memories and spilling your countless stories to Heeseung, all you could hear from him was silence. You started to wonder if you were talking too much, if maybe he wanted some peace and quiet. Just as you were about to apologise, your pager beeped loudly, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You glanced at it and realised it was your brother. “Oh, shit. I need to get back,” you said, standing up and wincing at the pain in your knee. You picked up the plastic bag from the ground.

You looked back at Heeseung and awkwardly cleared your throat, wondering if you were on terms to bid each other Goodbye, but before you could form a sentence Heeseung beat you to it, “Open your eyes when you’re walking and don't fall again, dork.”

You playfully rolled your eyes realising he was back to his old Heeseung self and left the park, heading towards your home. As you limped back, you couldn’t help but feel like maybe, just maybe, you’d managed to make him feel a little better.

Heeseung watched you limp out of the park, a soft laugh escaping him at the sight of your awkward struggle. A small smile tugged at his lips as he watched you go. He felt a bit lighter, thanks to you, though he’d never admit that.

Waking up with a bruise was never a good way to start your morning. You took off the thick blanket that covered you. As you felt the dull ache on your knee, the unexpected meetup with Heeseung rushed back to your head when that was the reason why you tossed and turned at night, trying to get a wink of sleep. 

The thought of the boy never left your mind, wondering where you stood with Heeseung, hoping that yesterday may make Heeseung warm up to you, but a part of you wanted Heeseung  to keep you at arms distance for the fear of something you couldn’t quite grasp onto. 

But you settled on keeping Heeseung as a part of your plan and maybe even a friend after you start dating Beomgyu. Right?

Oh right, Beomgyu…

The chestnut haired boy raced back to your mind, strengthening your feelings for him. Though, you still didn’t know why the thought settled weirdly in your stomach. 

You brushed it off and started to get ready for school, you were determined that today would be the day that you get your pawn Heeseung to finally act according to your genius plan. 

After a quick shower and trying to make yourself decent for school, you headed out the door, slightly limping but still excited and a hundred percent sure that he would agree if you buttered up enough to him.

As hours passed, the day was going pretty well while you zoomed through the classes with ease. And now, you found yourself standing in that familiar spot, outside the broadcasting room, a few minutes before the usual meeting would start since you knew that Heeseung was always the first one to be there.

What a loser! 

A kinda cute one too maybe…

Wait! Fuck—

“Y/n?” A voice came from behind you, a familiar one.

“Hee–” You turned around to see the boy towering over you, the gap between you being very close.

You froze after seeing how close he was to you, “I-I was actually going to talk to you– you’re here?”

“Guess you beat me to it.” He said, taking his hand out of his pocket and turning the knob on the door resting next to you, his side view being very clear to you.

Shit.

He opened the door and you silently thanked yourself that you weren't leaning against it and quickly scooted to the side to give him some space to walk through the room. He took his seat at the very end of the room— his usual seat. You walked in slowly, closed the door behind you, and took a seat in the chair across from him.

“I was going to say–”

“Can I ask you something?” He spoke up.

His sudden question caught you off guard, “Ye–yeah go ahead.”

“What exactly are you trying to do?”

You furrowed your eyebrows at his peculiar question, your head tilting to the side in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why are you trying to be friends with me?”

“Oh.” An odd silence formed between you two. “I just wanted to–”

“You never even looked at me before, so why join the broadcasting club, talk to me, try to get close to me? I just want to know why notice me now?”

You contemplated on saying that it had something to do with a boy named Beomgyu but you swallowed that response down your throat, knowing how’d his future response look like. Your sudden confidence at the beginning of your day faltered, making it shred into tiny little pieces. All you could do was open your mouth a bit and gulp nervously then look down at your hands resting on your lap.

Heeseung noticed your sudden nervous behaviour so all his thoughts came out into one statement, “You like him.”

Your eyes widened and looked straight at him. 

So he knew.

Heeseung only scoffed, the pieces of your plan finally laying out perfectly to him, “And you're trying to get close to me so you can what? Talk to him?” 

All you could do was look down and nod slightly. Was it that obvious?

Another scoff could be heard from Heeseung as he stood up from his chair, clearly not wanting to be near you.

You stood up, “Heeseung, wait!” He stopped in his tracks, yet his back was still facing you.

“I have liked Beomgyu before I could even process what the word like had really meant. And gosh, I tried everything in the book and heck everything I could do to even get close to him. Nothing worked! Please just— this is my last hope as silly as it sounds, but I’m really desperate here. Just help me out a bit, because I don't think I can sleep at night knowing I didn’t try. I swear i’ll even stop talking to you if he rejects me–”

“You talk a lot.” He finally turned around to face you, “But that little monologue of yours got you nowhere.”

You walked towards him, knowing this literally could be your one last shot at this plan. “Heeseung…”

But something struck you as if a bulb just lit up in your head.

Gotcha!

“You know, you’d really hate it if you found out what happened in 'Demon Diary' without reading it, right?” You said, sneakily coming up to him.

“Right..” He said hesitantly, not sure what trick you had up your sleeve.

“If you were to help me, then you’d have the pleasure of reading it without spoilers like Raenef being the next demon lo–” As you were about to finish, his hand came in contact with your mouth to shut you up.

Your eyes widened again and your heart rate fastened for nth time. He was so close to you, his hand feeling warm against your skin. Nothing was to be heard from the both of you until Heeseung realised how close you both were which made him gulp, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

He slowly lowered his hand and took it off your mouth, “I want volume one.”

“Deal.”

One thing you've known about Heeseung was that he loved working with cameras. From school events to casual hangouts, he always had his camera hanging around his neck, clicking a picture of anything that piqued his interest. 

So of course, he was assigned by the broadcasting club to take the pictures of students on this field trip to see the flowers at the Musimcheon Cherry Blossom Festival and sent the new girl—aka you—to assist him, which you happily obliged. 

On the way to the field while you were in the bus, you took out your essentials to hopefully butter him up; banana milk. It always does the trick when you want something, and to your luck it was his favourite drink too!

“Woah! Is that for me?” Seori who was seated next to you pouted, trying to take the banana milk out of your hand, but you were quick to swat her hand away.

“No! It’s for Heeseung.” You mumbled with a pout.

“Oh! I get it now.” She wiggled her eyebrows at you in a teasing manner not knowing you wanted to rip them out.

“Stop! It’s not like that,” You said with furrowed eyebrows trying to defend yourself, “It’s so I can kiss ass and get close with Beomgyu!”

“No way L/n Y/n just said that.” She said with a breathy laugh. 

“You gotta do what you gotta do.” You said, stretching your arms a bit with a smile on your face.

Seori rolled her eyes at your justification, “Oh by the way, you still with your boy toy?” You snickered while elbowing Seori.

“He’s not my boy toy! It’s just complicated.” She muttered, shyly.

“Hmm, isn’t that what you said for Jaeyun, Minhyun, Sojun and—”

“Oh my gosh stop! You’re making me look like a player!” She whined, hitting you on the side, “I’m actually serious about Sunghoon, I really like him.” 

“Woah!” You turned to the side. “That I never heard, I’m impressed he managed to wrap you around his finger like that.” You said, nodding your head, impressed by how in love she looked but you’d never say it out loud since you knew she’d drag you to the pits of hell.

Seori never really liked relationships—heck! you’re surprised that she’s been your best friend for this long. She usually has casual and lowkey situationships as you like to call it, but seeing her with Sunghoon actually gave you hope that you might experience her having her first real boyfriend instead of her running away from her potential love interests. 

“Yeah whatever.” She rolled her eyes at your comment. “At Least I’m not the girl that’s been crushing on a guy for three years and hasn't made a move yet!”

“Hey! I am making one! It’s just a really slow move.” You tried to defend yourself.

Hopefully that move does work if Heeseung actually abides by your plan. So when you arrived there, the first thing you did was to search for Heeseung. Luckily, it didn’t take that much time as you found him in the middle of the field setting up the essential equipment needed for capturing some moments on the trip. You headed towards him, calling out his name making his bambi eyes drift towards you.

As you were near him, you reached out to your school bag and took out the comic he had set his eyes on, “You need to return it on Monday.

He silently thanked you while he nodded while you were still rummaging in your bag, “Here.”

You handed out a tiny bottle of banana milk to him, “Jungwon said you liked it, so.”

Heeseung blinked in surprise before he pursed his lips. He took the milk into his hand and turned around to put the comic and the milk into his bag, hiding his smile at the cute gesture from you.

The boy cleared his throat and started adjusting the settings for the camera while you rested your hand against the stand, your chin leaning on top of it, pouting in search for Beomgyu.

Once your eyes finally set on him talking to his friends, your eyes became a lot more dreamy and your once faltered feelings bounced back, strong as ever. 

“No girlfriend, right?” You muttered, still looking at Beomgyu.

“No.”

“Then what type of girls?”

“I don’t know, maybe Sim Eunha?” Heeseung answered, now recording bits of students socialising.

“Oh, so like someone innocent?” You said, taking out a notebook from your bag to record his likes, “That’s alright.”

“Favourite movie?”

“Armageddon.”

“Oh?” You smiled while writing it down, “Mine too.”

“Future major in college?” 

“Theatre and film of journalism and broadcasting.”

“Oh,” You wrote down the words he said quickly, “So he wants to be famous because he’s handsome?” You mumbled.

“No,” Heeseung stated, “I just like working with cameras.”

Wait a minute.

You looked up from your small notebook and processed his words. Is he really talking about himself? Your head shot towards the taller boy next to you with furrowed eyebrows. 

“What?” You exclaimed, “This isn't about you! I’m asking about Beomgyu.” You said as you slightly hit his arm which made him wince a bit. “If I have to get close to him, I need to know what he likes…And besides, why would I ask what you like anyways.”

“Such a dork.” Heeseung scoffed as he looked at your sulky face, “Come here, Soobin sent us both on this trip. You should record as well!” 

You rolled your eyes at the sight of Heeseung setting up his camera on the stand for more stability. You reluctantly but quickly put your pencil and your little notebook in the small pocket of your bag. His eyes averted to you as a signal to come closer which you obliged to.

“Put your eye here,” He pointed at the camera, guiding you to the camera’s viewfinder. “This is the zoom in button and here’s zoom out.” He showed you the necessary buttons needed, “Don't zoom in too much.” He nagged quietly. 

Heeseung slowly guided your hand to the zoom in button and slid it down to the zoom out button. His way of teaching you around his camera felt gentle and soothing, like you could listen to him talk about his cameras all day. His gentle touch and the proximity between you two made your heart feel like it was in a marathon. 

“Hit record.” He instructed and so you did.

You zoomed in on a few places with students chattering and at the scenery of the field and as well as the sky. 

“Hm, you’re doing surprisingly well.” He said, quietly. Way to ruin the moment if there even was one.

You froze at how close you two were where you could hear his heartbeat. It felt so comforting for some reason. You could listen to his deep breaths next to you as he guided you to record some of the scenery. But this also set off many alarms in your head, screaming at you.

What are you doing!?

Your breathing felt unsteady and awfully loud to you, to the point where you thought Heeseung could hear you.

“Okay I got it.” You muttered, trying to dominate the space you two shared behind the camera, “You can go.” You said, nagging him to leave you alone. 

He slowly backed away from you, taken aback from your words and let out a sigh which went unnoticed by you. You continued with recording the landscape which brought a sense of calmness to you. You zoomed into Seori and Sunghoon chatting away, her eyes lighting up at the sight of the cheery boy in front of him. 

Cute, you thought. 

You slowly panned your camera to the blue skies above the fields and now to the chestnut haired boy. Beomgyu’s smile melted your heart as he talked to some of his friends which seemed really funny with the way he laughed. 

He was soon joined by the taller boy, Heeseung. You zoomed in on Beomgyu to get a close-up of him, momentarily forgetting about recording the scenery. Yet, strange enough your hands instinctively moved the camera over to capture the boy next to him. There was something about Heeseung that you couldn’t quite grasp onto. His doe-like eyes sparkled as he chatted with his friends. 

With his hair that always seemed to fall so carelessly over his forehead and the way he would sneer slightly as if he was amused whenever someone spoke up, you could never seem to keep your eyes directed elsewhere and you didn’t really know why. He had this charm about him that was impossible for you to not look twice— the way his lips moved to the glint in his eyes.

After a brief pause, he looked right at the camera, catching your gaze. It startled you, and you fumbled with the camera— readjusting the camera and propping it back to the field quickly. 

Way to make it so not obvious.

However what you didn’t catch was Heeseung looking at your clumsy self, trying to grab shots here and there. And what you didn't see was the smile that found its way to his face, because of you.

If you were Heeseung, where would you be right now? Currently, you were looking for wherever Heeseung would be. In the broadcasting room? Surprisingly, no. One of his classes? No. The cafeteria? No sight of the tall boy. Heck! Even the field where Beomgyu was practising? All you could find was the dashing boy moving through the field with ease and shooting a goal into the net.

The banana milk in your hand started to look real good after your countless laps making you thirsty, but no! You were saving that for Heeseung, if he even is alive today. Suddenly, like lightning struck your head, you realised that Heeseung was a huuuge nerd. 

You jogged to where your school library would be, which was a few metres away from the football field. You entered the facility to see Heeseung in all his glory sitting at one of the tables reading the big book of the Photographers Guide. 

Of Course he’d be here!

Nerd.

His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, looking like he absorbed every word and the sight made you smile unknowingly. Without thinking, you walked over and took a seat in front of him.

“Whatchu reading?” you asked, dragging your words a bit, leaning in.

Heeseung let out a small yell as he flinched at the sound of you speaking which made your smile grow even wider, “Jesus, woman! stop sneaking up on me like that.” You laughed, brushing it off with a small sorry.

“Why are you here anyways?” He questioned, “You don’t read.”

“Woah!” You raised your hands a bit at the somewhat correct accusation, “I do, sometimes.” You giggled. “I came to give you this.” You placed the banana milk you were holding on the table.

He raised his eyebrow at you, “In exchange for?”

“For nothing! Just a friendly gesture,” you said, but then a sly smile crept up your face. “Actually, I was thinking...maybe we could all hang out together? You, me, and Beomgyu.”

Well he knew it.

“Hell no,” He said, stuffing his nose back into the big book.

“Cmon!” You nagged, your hand reaching for his arm trying to convince him.

Heeseung looked you dead in the eye to say the word ‘no’ again to which you groaned at. 

But then, you noticed a familiar book peeking out of Heeseung’s shoulder bag that was resting on the table. It was volume one of Demon Diary.

“Aha!” Without thinking, you snatched it up.

Heeseung shot up looking at you with widened eyes,”Hey! Give it back.” He protested. 

“I agreed to give this to you if you were to help.” You said, dangling the book infront of him. “And you’re not, so i’ll give this if you—”

“Fine.” He snatched the book from your hand. 

You flashed him a big grin, “Great! I’ll see you at three o'clock at the bus stop tomorrow.”

Heeseung nodded reluctantly as if he was being held at gunpoint!  “Fine. But if this turns out to be a disaster, I’m blaming you.”

“That’s fine,” you said, grinning from ear to ear. “But it won't be.” 

As you left the library, the reality of your plan started to sink in, filling you with a nervous excitement. To think that tomorrow would be the day that you would actually hang out with Beomgyu in the flesh just brought hundreds of butterflies into your stomach. But a part of you wondered if this was the right direction you were going. But as your plan finally starts to take shape, you think to yourself if this is what you really want? You look back at Heeseung being engrossed in his little book. You wondered if maybe, just maybe, he was looking forward to it too.

But, why do you care? You were here for Beomgyu, right? You are doing this for Beomgyu, you tell yourself. But even as you tried to convince yourself, the nagging thought that was right behind you kept pouring thoughts that maybe, just maybe, there was more to this than you first realised. 

The next day arrived in a blink. You were already waiting at the bus stop, dusting off the invisible specs over your dress. Your first real dress that you begged Seori to let you borrow. The baby blue chequered dress draped right above your knees and was held with two straps that rested on your shoulders which were tied into the shape of a bow. 

You looked over at your watch —2:55. You just hoped that Heeseung would show up after praying to the Gods that this plan would finally take off. 

The time stretched on. It took a few minutes to make your stomach start grumbling due to the nervousness that ran through your body, but everything was put aside when you saw Heeseung walking towards you clad in his white tee paired with cargo pants, his hands shoved in his pockets and a stoic expression covering his face. 

Next to him was a slightly shorter boy, but also the man of your dreams and the man that was actually in your dream last night as well. Imagining him so many times in front of you, this close felt overwhelming now that he was actually walking towards you. Not anyone else—you.

Heeseung and Beomgyu stopped in front of you and Beomgyu greeted you with a grin on his face, contrasting to the boy next to him, “Hi Y/n! It’s been a long time since we talked. Hope you won’t mind me tagging along.” He chuckled.

What? Tagging along?

What exactly did Heeseung tell him?

As Beomgyu walked further ahead of you two, you slowed down your pace to match Heeseung as you elbowed him and aggressively whispered, “What did you tell Beomgyu to get him to come?”

Heeseung glanced at you, with that still same stoic look on his face and shrugged. “He loves carnivals. I barely got to finish what I was saying before he was begging to tag along.” 

“Must be fate that we both loooove carnivals so much.” You said, giggling at the thought of you and Beomgyu sharing the same love for roller coasters and cotton candy, missing the roll in Heeseung’s eyes. 

The three of you finally got onto the bus, you going right after Beomgyu, excited for the trip to the carnival. As you neared one of the seats, the bus suddenly lurched forward, causing you to stumble and fall on your ass right in front of Beomgyu.

But lucky for you, Heeseung was right behind, you pressed against his chest. His hand quickly came into contact with your arm, his grip strong as ever. You looked over to see him just as shocked as you are, but the look in his eyes exuded a genuine concern. Before you could fully register what had just happened, he pushed you away from him while wearing that same stern look on his face.

“Thanks," you mumbled, avoiding his gaze as you felt heat rising to your cheeks.

Then he finally looked at you, “Sit.”

You quickly obeyed, sitting on one of the seats that was next to Beomgyu who quickly asked if you were okay after seeing you stumble. You replied saying you were fine and breathed out the breath that you didn't know you were holding in.

You looked at Beomgyu once again, who was blissfully unaware of the little moment you just had with Heeseung, if you could even call it that. You turned your head to look at Heeseung who was standing beside you, one hand gripping the rail above for support while his eyes were fixed onto the passing scenery outside the window. 

You could feel the warmth of him radiating beside you and it strangely brought comfort to you. Even if he wasn’t touching you anymore, even if he was looking ahead of you, eyes stuck to the scenery outside one of the windows. It made you feel an unfamiliar emotion which you never experienced. And you wondered why it only happened whenever you saw Heeseung.

Beomgyu on the other hand was mindlessly babbling about the different types of rides he wanted to go and how he hadn’t been to an amusement park in years. You nodded along to his words, trying to focus on his mindless chatter about the terrifying but exciting roller coasters they have, but your mind kept running back to how Heeseung’s hand felt on your arm, how you were pressed against his chest and that look that he had in his eyes.

That stupid look.

It only happened whenever he locked eyes with you. You honestly wondered if he had sprinkled something over his eyes to make him look at you like that. But you’d be lying if you said you didn’t like it. With recurring encounters revolving around both of you, you started to lean into that look, almost wanting him to look over you with his bambi like doe eyes. 

But, you were sure that would change today. You were going to stick with Beomgyu. The bus came to a stop at the amusement park, dropping you three off. The sight of the crowded park and the sound of excited chatter alone filled the air, clearing your previous thoughts. 

You could practically hear Beomgyu’s excitement. You found yourself smiling along at him, heading towards the park as he pointed to the different rides and the various games they had. And on your other side was the walking grey cloud who had a bored look on his face the entire time. Well usually that wouldn’t bother you, but something was pulling you to walk around and try every game with him. Not the other. 

Fuck, you couldn’t get distracted. 

“We should go on the rollercoaster!” Beomgyu pointed with a big grin plastered on his face.

You nodded along although Heeseung wasn’t having the same reaction, “You guys go ahead, I’ll just walk around.”

“C'mon! It’d be fun! Don’t be such a pussy!” Beomgyu exclaimed, coming near him, his hand dragging Heeseung’s as a motion to join.

“Yeah.. you should come.” You said this time, with a genuine smile, looking forward to seeing how this scaredy cat—due to his previous shrieks from you creeping up on him—would handle roller coasters.

To absolutely no one’s surprise, he was screaming the entire time on the rollercoaster, barely making it out alive and cursing Beomgyu for wanting a second round. You couldn't help but laugh at his state while he was panting for air, his hands on his knees after getting off the “wretched” ride as he liked to call it.

You three would go onto ride the carousel and eat a month’s supply of cotton candy. You couldn’t resist dragging Heeseung onto the Disco Bang ride, laughing as he was tossed around in the spinning machine. 

Your hands naturally found your way to Heeseung’s, dragging him to any of the games to your liking, him just obliging and tagging along. You made him play the claw machine game a dozen times for a hello kitty doll and he would, skillfully manoeuvring the handles to get the cute plushie. He didn’t know why, but he did it so he could see that the doll would perfectly fall into your arms. 

Beomgyu was far gone into the fun of the carnival, drunk on adrenaline which made him ride the rollercoaster again, twice. And at the end of the day, he had to meet the consequences of his previous decision, making his feet stumble on itself and his head dizzy. 

By the time you finished circling around the entire amusement park, the sun had already begun to set. The sky was painted in shades of orange fading into pink, the stars already visible. 

And there was one more ride that you didn’t check out. The biggest part of the plan. You saved the ferris wheel for the last so you could hop on into one of the tiny cabins and sit next to Beomgyu as you both watched the fireworks begin. 

A solid set plan right? 

“Let’s check out the Ferris wheel,” you suggested, pointing to the towering structure dazzled with colourful lights.

“Uh..sure!” Beomgyu hesitantly said while rubbing his tummy, his face a bit pale.

You smiled and got into line side by side with Beomgyu and Heeseung knew that was his cue to let you two have your “moment” as you like to call it. Heeseung joined the cue later so he could go alone, his tall figure a few metres away from you. Beomgyu was too worried about his stomach grumbling to wonder why Heeseung didn’t join you both. 

As you got to the cabin, Beomgyu laid his hand on your shoulder, “I think I’m gonna be sick…"

“Beomgyu, you good?” You asked, worry creeping into your voice as you glanced between him and Heeseung, who looked equally as concerned.

“Yeah, go ahead with Heeseung.” He said, quickly leaving the line to find the nearest bathroom so he could hurl his guts out. 

Fuck.

No, no, no.

This wasn’t supposed to go this way.

The line attendant had already called out to you two, so you had to hurry inside the tiny cabin with Heeseung. You swallowed the little bump in your throat, bummed that you didn’t get to sit with Beomgyu.

You got Heeseung instead.

You plopped onto the seat, Heeseung sitting in front of you. Your eyes visibly looked sad, and Heeseung had that familiar feeling rushing all over again. The last he felt this was at the locker, the same look shadowed your eyes again. 

But, he couldn’t say anything. He just had to sit there and look at your pretty face with a pout on your lips. 

Finally, as the cabins were about to start spinning in circles, he broke the silence, “You okay?”

You scrunched up the ends of your dress, nodding as you looked at the way the fabric bundled up in your hands. 

“Are you sure?” He asked, with a softer tone, “I’m sorry that Beomgyu couldn’t join you.”

“It's..fine.” You looked outside the window to embrace the calm scenery.

Heeseung just sighed and followed your gaze out the window, occasionally looking at you, that same look on your face.

“Do you think Beomgyu liked this?” You mindlessly asked, feeling disappointment was over you.

“Yeah, I think.” Heeseung quietly answered. “ He just got ahead of himself.”

“Today was supposed to be perfect, Beomgyu was supposed to actually like me today.” You confessed, your words tumbling over you as your disappointment grew. “I was supposed to watch the fireworks with him on the ferris wheel, but now he’s puking his guts out probably cursing me for planning this and I dragged you into this—-“

Hey, hey… you did good today.” Heeseung’s words rushed to comfort you, his heart aching as he heard your breathing quickening.

“He genuinely looked like he had fun with you and trust me I know how he looks when he has fun and this was one of the few times he actually smiled that much around anyone. If you ask me, I think he… likes you plenty.”

Heeseung didn’t know why, but he hated saying those last few words. The boy had to spend the entire day at the park looking at Beomgyu gleam over you with such sincerity in his eyes as you smiled with him, riding fucking automated horses that went around in a circle and to say that he likes you was the perfect cherry on top.

“Thank you, Seung.”

Seung.

That was the first time you ever called him by a nickname. It had always been "Heeseung," usually accompanied by some kind of teasing or nagging. So don’t blame his heart for skipping a beat when you sat there all pretty calling him a name which made his mind dizzy.

“The fireworks are starting.” You said, a soft smile rested on your face as you looked to the view outside your window which Heeseung shortly followed after.

And as if on cue, just as the ferris wheel stopped with you both on top, the first set of fireworks had exploded into the sky. It filled the dark night with colour while your eyes lingered over the lit patches of collie, mesmerised by its beauty. 

“It’s so pretty.” You muttered, your voice filled with awe.

Heeseung didn’t respond right away. Why? He was too busy looking at you. It felt more worthwhile than watching a few fireworks light up the night sky. It was more worth it to see how your eyes lit up at the sight. How your eyes widened in shock of the scenery ahead of you.

You looked pretty.

“So pretty.” He muttered, almost in a whisper where only he and his gear could hear it.

Time seemed to stop. The only thing in motion was the continuous fireworks bursting and Heeseung didn’t want it to end. He realised then and there that he would burst up as many fireworks just to see that smile on your face. He realised that he’d do anything to see you happy.

That night, while he sat with you on top of the ferris wheel to watch the fireworks, Heeseung realised something deeper than he was ready to admit— yet something he couldn’t ignore, at least not anymore.

You don’t remember much about the end of yesterday. The fireworks felt like the only thing that was running in your mind. And Heeseung? You don’t seem to remember much about him in the ferris wheel—kept saying the fireworks were pretty or something? 

Nevertheless, you were a hundred percent sure that your plan yesterday had worked. Although there may have been a few minor setbacks (Beomgyu hurling his guts out), you were pretty confident that Beomgyu might see you as his future girlfriend.

That’s why you sprang out of bed, determined to commence phase two of your plan.

Movie date with Choi Beomgyu.

Featuring the infamous Lee Heeseung sitting two rows away from you both.

Considering that today was the last day of school, you knew it was your final chance to get closer to Beomgyu. As you walked down the hallway together with Seori, you had your mandatory debriefing with her about the events that happened last night, reminiscing every sweet moment with Beomgyu.

“Oh my gosh!” Seori squealed, “You two are so cute together!”

You nodded your head, feeling proud about it. “ You finally talked to a real boy! I thought this day would never come!” Seori dramatically exclaimed, making your eyes roll as she clung onto your arms in excitement.

And as if on cue, Beomgyu came into view, stepping out of a classroom. To your surprise, he actually looked at you and waved.

He actually waved!

Trying to stay composed, you waved back with a soft smile, watching as he walked away. Seori in turn looked the most excited she’s ever been, squeezing your arm hard.

“He so wants you!” She said, playfully.

You bit your lip, trying to contain that flutter in your chest. “Hopefully.” You replied in a mutter, still slightly dazed.

But deep inside you, that flutter didn’t have that same kick to it. It almost felt unfamiliar. As if it was fading away, slowly slipping through your fingers.You weren’t sure why, but the thought of Beomgyu liking you didn’t bring as much joy as it did before.

What fueled you to continue was the pure determination that coursed through your veins. With that resolve, you left to go meet your matchmaker, Heeseung.

Which is how you found yourself in front of the broadcasting room again, later that day. You opened the door to see Heeseung there fiddling with some of the equipment.

“Hey Seung.” He turned around to see you heading towards him, his eyes softening a bit at the sight of you.

“Hey.” He quietly said, going back to adjusting some equipment.

“Why the long face?” You pouted, taking a seat next to him.

Well he would look like he was struck by lightning if you called him “seung” though that pretty mouth of yours, ever so softly. If only you knew how his heart was running miles when you said it so softly, making him melt at the sound of his name coming from your lips. 

“Nothing.” He brushed it off.

“Hmm, you could tell me if something is bothering you.” You said, with sincerity. “Did I do something wrong?” You asked as you put your chin onto your hand, looking up at him with your doe eyes.

God, he was a goner.

“You’re fine, dork.” He finally smiled at you, ruffling your hair and going back to whatever he was working on.

You froze at the warmth in his gaze, but pushed the feeling aside. “Well in that case, do you wanna watch a movie with me?” You smiled, with hope in your eyes.

“You mean, me third-wheeling you and Beomgyu?” He rolled his eyes.

“Well, you are supposed to help me.” You huffed, making a point.

Heeseung glanced back at you once again seeing that pout on your face which made him sigh, “Fine, whatever.”

You squealed in excitement, hugging his arm as you were thrilled to hear his answer. 

The day passed on quickly, and before you knew it, it was already seven o’clock and you were already waiting for Heeseung and Beomgyu outside the familiar bus stop again.

But this time, Heeseung came with the absence of Beomgyu. You wondered if he was coming later than expected or…if he wasn’t coming at all. The thought alone made you gulp.

“Where’s Beomgyu?” You looked behind Heeseung, desperate to see if he even was behind the tall figure.

“He did not take that rollercoaster ride well, long story short; he fell sick.” Heeseung dropped the devastating news.

You huffed in annoyance, “Is he okay? I saw him at school today.” You asked, voicing your sincerity.

“Yeah, he is. He took half a day.” Heeseung said, shoving his hands in his pocket, “Just needs rest.”

If it only wasn’t for Beomgyu’s weak immunity, you’d both be smooching in Hawaii! (or watching the movie, you could work with either.)

“Well, what are we going to do now! I already paid.” You pouted, crossing your arms in frustration. 

Heeseung could only softly smile at your frustrated self. Just then, the bus arrived, and you looked at Heeseung, pursing your lips. 

You grabbed his hand before heading inside the bus, “What are you doing?” Heeseung asked with startled eyes.

“I’m not wasting my money.” You muttered, as you sat on one of the seats in the bus while Heeseung scoffed at your response.

You and Heeseung ended up at your local cinema, watching the re-release of fucking Top Gun, a choice made because you thought Beomgyu would like it. On the other hand, Heeseung was having the time of his life, completely immersed in the world of guns and whatnot. 

Pfft. Typical Nerd.

But you’d be lying if you didn’t think he was cute whenever he slightly flinched at the explosions on the screen. Not that cute though. Maybe… kinda… you weren’t sure!

You were just frustrated about not being seated next to Beomgyu. Instead it was just Heeseung sitting next to you. But a part of you didn’t mind, in fact it brought a small smile to your face. 

You shuffled in your seat trying to shake off the uneasy feeling you got in your stomach whenever you thought about Heeseung. 

Well you never felt like this in your whole seventeen years of living, and you sure didn’t feel like this with Beomgyu. It felt almost comforting with Heeseung. You both didn’t have to fill the silence every time, you could just feel at ease with each other’s presence. With Beomgyu, there were always butterflies roaming through your stomach, but with Heeseung you felt like you didn’t have to try to impress yourself, just you being there felt enough. 

And a part of you didn’t care that you were sitting next to Heeseung watching this God awful movie, occasionally grazing hands whenever both of you reached into the popcorn bucket. But thank God that the movie ended because you couldn’t take another second of guns and explosions.

You both made your way out of the theatre in silence, though you couldn’t stop thinking about comparing your all time love with Heeseung. You were so immersed that you didn’t even notice the uneven sidewalk to the nearing bus station until it was too late. Well you did stumble, but before you could hit the ground, Heeseung caught you just in time again.

God, you’ve got to stop falling!

“When will you open your eyes?” Heeseung remarked with sarcasm and he let go.

You didn’t register the stupid remark Heeseung had said, as the pain in your ankle started becoming impossible to ignore. You looked down to realise that you probably strained your ankle.

“Ouch.” You winched at the pain, as you rubbed your leg.

“Are you okay?” Heeseung crouched down to get a better look.

“I don’t know, I think I strained it.” Heeseung only sighed at your answer.

He shaked his head slightly, facing away from you as he was crouching so you could climb onto his back, “Come on, get on.”

“What? Heeseung, I can walk.” You said, though you definitely could not. But you weren’t getting on his back after your little thought session at the movies.

But your protests were a waste because before you knew it, you were on his back, holding onto his shoulders as he carried you.

“You’re lighter than I thought.” Heeseung teased, keeping his tone light.

You hit his back lightly as you retorted, “I’m not that light.” Though a small reluctantly found its way to your face.

Heeseung walked towards the bus station, while you rested your head on his shoulder, kicking your legs in a trace of rhythm while occasionally talking with Heeseung, though most of it was Heeseung humming along to whatever mindless thoughts you voiced. 

It almost felt like you knew him for most of your life. It felt so soothing with him, his little teases making you whine. His way of looking at you like you were the most fragile thing on earth. His way of making you smile whenever you felt sad. 

It felt like he was the one. 

But he isn’t.

Beomgyu is.

That’s what you kept telling yourself as Heeseung slowly crept up your heart. What you didn’t know was that Heeseung felt the same. Almost like two idiots in denial. Typical.

Once you got onto the train, you sat side by side in silence, the gentle ride on the bus with occasional bumps lulled you into a peaceful state. You pulled out your headphones and handed one to Heeseung, “Here.”

The soft melody of “스물다섯, 스물하나 “ by JAURIM flowed into your eyes, making this moment feel like a scene from a movie. Without realising, you leaned your head on his shoulder, the day’s events catching up to you. And before you knew it, you drifted off into a long sleep. 

Heeseung glanced down at you, a small smile played on his lips as he watched. He couldn't help but think how adorable you looked even if you were doing almost as nothing as sleeping against him. The wind from the open window made a few strands of hair fall onto your face, he gently grazed your face, tucking them behind your ear. 

And the moment you shifted closer to him in your sleep, he knew he was done for.

Time passed quickly. It was already December. As the end of the school year approached, with graduation just around the corner, the broadcasting club decided to put in their two cents in the yearbook signing party. And Soobin thought a photo booth would be the perfect inclusion for it, so students could take a picture with their friends one last time. 

And naturally, you and Heeseung were assigned to watch over the photobooth while the other members were assigned to different parts of the party such as the memory lane. You were manning the table with Heeseung while Seori and Sunghoon came over to your stand.

“Seori! You came!” You squealed at the sight of your best friend hand in hand with Sunghoon. “Hi Sunghoon.”

He waved at you with a smile, “We wanted to get a few pictures before it gets too crowded. Plus I had to drag him here.” Seori said, giving you the needed money.

“Yeah, she wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He teased Seori, gently ruffling her hair as she whined. 

Seori slightly nudged Sunghoon before fixing her hair for the pictures. You and Heeseung could only chuckle at their playful banter. 

“Right away, lovebirds.” You snickered with Heeseung at the sight of the two while Seori glared at you, mouthing ‘says you’ while eyeing Heeseung as well.

Uncalled for…

Seori pulled in Sunghoon in the booth, Sunghoon taking the initiative to pull her onto his lap as she giggled. They shared cute and goofy pictures with Seori giving Sunghoon a kiss on the cheek at the end. 

“They’re cute.” You mumbled to Heeseung.

“I guess.” Heeseung smiled with you, glancing at you occasionally.

After Seori and Sunghoon left, time went faster as the crowd started to fill up the Gym. The line for the photo booth became longer. Seori decided to join your table for a while to cure her boredom while Sunghoon played with his friends in the court. Just in time, Beomgyu showed up, revealing who was next in line.

And before you knew it, you were squished in the photo booth with Beomgyu on one end and Heeseung at the other, Seori taking up the remaining space at the far end. “Move over!” Beomgyu giggled while pushing you more against Heeseung. Instinctively, Heeseung wrapped his arm around you, his hand brushing against your waist as he pulled you in. 

A mix of nervousness and excitement rushed over you, as the same familiar warmth settled in your stomach. It wasn’t because of the tight space but because of how close Heeseung was to you. The warmth of his hand against your waist sent shivers down your spine.

The camera's flash went off a few times, capturing the moments with you four. Beomgyu had put on whatever goofy face he could come up with and Seori had her signature peace sign up while a small smile rested on Heeseung’s face. 

As the evening wore on, the crowd started to disappear. Students gathered their belongings, bidding each other goodbye. A strange sense of nostalgia washed over you, feeling emotional that this could be the last time you’d be talking with these students. Karina, Jungwon, and Rei had bid you goodbye as they left after taking down the memory lane they had set up. 

Taehyun and Lia had come in later as they were busy with student body council stuff, but wished you and Heeseung both a quick goodbye before they left as well. And before you knew it, it was only you and Heeseung with a few other students roaming around the Gym. You glanced at Heeseung who was organising the leftover photostrips, carefully putting them into one of the brown boxes beside him. 

A small smile played on your lips, “You wanna take some pictures? Just us two.” 

Heeseung looked up at you with his bambi eyes, a smile on his face. “Sure.” He agreed.

The two of you slipped inside the photo booth, and all of a sudden the air felt different. The atmosphere hung something heavy, waiting to be acknowledged. You sat fairly close together, trying to settle in. 

Heeseung started the timer and sat back down with a smile. You barely had time to think before the first flash went off catching you off guard. This made you laugh, along with Heeseung. The other flashes were followed by playful poses, you placing a peace sign behind Heeseung’s head and Heeseung pinching your cheeks.

Before the last flash went off, you felt a shift in the atmosphere. That feeling started becoming impossible to ignore. Heeseung turned to look at you just as you turned towards you. Your eyes met. Suddenly everything around you was a blur. It was just Heeseung in focus. The boy who months ago got on your nerves. The silent chatter outside became white noise for you. 

Heeseung’s gaze softened, your eyes never left him. The final flash went off going unnoticed. Before you even processed what was going on, he leaned in. HIs lips gently brushing against yours, your eyes instinctively closing. 

It felt soft, careful, yet why did your heart feel like it was going to leap out of your chest. His hands grazed your cheek pulling you closer as you reciprocated the kiss, earning him to pull even closer. It felt so raw yet so gentle. The kiss lasted a few seconds, yet it felt like an eternity. You were so far gone. You don’t seem to remember anything. 

When you finally pulled away, you both looked at each other, out of breath as you were stunned in silence.

Just then, you heard someone’s voice from outside. “Heeseung?” It was Soobin, his voice laced in urgency. 

Heeseung blinked out of his daze, pulling himself outside the photobooth after opening the curtain that divided the photobooth from the outside. “I–I’m here!” He called out, his voice shaken up. 

“Can you help me carry these boxes to the storage room? Miss Lee wants them gone by now.” He huffed, handing one of the boxes to Heeseung.

Heeseung glanced back at you, sitting in the photo booth still shaken up by that stunt Heeseung pulled. He only gulped and looked back at Soobin. “Yeah sure.” Though he didn’t have another choice as Soobin already shoved the box in his face.

“Thanks dude.” Soobin smiled and headed out the Gym with Heeseung. Heeseung looked back at you one last time before exiting the Gym, the kiss replaying in his head over and over again. 

You sat there for a moment, still not being able to process what just happened. Your heart was pounding like crazy, almost trying to jump out of your chest. The vibrations of your heart beat reached your chest, followed by your uneven breathing. Yet despite all of this chaos, you could still feel the warmth of his lips on yours. 

You still feel the presence of him next to you. Slowly, a small smile crept onto your kiss.  After you collected yourself, you finally stepped out of the photobooth. Your heart was still racing as you pulled at the photo strip hanging from the slot. As you looked at the photostrip, the last shot catched your attention, making you snicker to yourself.

You probably look like a crazy woman right now.

The one before the last shot caught your attention–the one right before the kiss. There was something with the way he looked at you, something you had noticed before, but didn’t care for. And now that you realised what it meant, you couldn’t look away. 

And it was then, standing outside the photobooth alone got you to realise just how much you liked this moment. You liked that kiss. You liked Heeseung. The thought alone hit you like a ton of bricks. All this time, you’d been so focused on Beomgyu yet It was Heeseung all along, standing right infront you yet you were so blind. 

The once crush on Beomgyu that had felt so secure was torn by in seconds through that kiss. All that you knew was crushed by the boy you thought was stuck up and a geek. 

Heeseung didn’t know what to do. He was in a state of confusion. Why did he kiss you? He knows you like Beomgyu. And why did you kiss him back? You like Beomgyu. Heeseung thought of himself as so fucking stupid. Why did he leave you like that? He wanted to hug you so badly and pour everything that he was holding in. He didn’t know what to do with these overwhelming amount of emotions. And all of these emotions were ones he felt for you. Not anyone else.

The days that followed the kiss were a blur, he’d been stuck in his bed, ignoring every call that Beomgyu made or any other friend of his. All he could do was sigh and rethink that day at the photobooth. 

He couldn’t face Beomgyu right now knowing it was your heart that belonged to him and he sure couldn’t look at you, after knowing you liked someone else. The realisation pierced him, leaving a nasty sting. 

On the other hand, you cursed the timing for making you and Heeseung kiss right at the end of the school year. You sulked, knowing you couldn’t see Heeseung after this, having to wait a month to see him in person. So you could only take the landline and call him.

What was strange is that he didn’t pick.

Again and again.

Was he…ignoring you?

As more days passed, his absence left a hole in you. It hurt like a bitch. Seori visited occasionally only to meet your dull self. You were grateful you had your best friend by your side who comforted you everytime you slipped out a sob. Your heart winced at each time the call would go to voicemail. You knew you couldn’t take it anymore so you called your last hope.

Choi Beomgyu.

“Hey, can we talk? In person.” You said, keeping it short.

Moments later, you met him at the local park, the sight bringing memories of where you and Heeseung talked. Fuck. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Beomgyu asked, taking a seat on the bench which you followed shortly after.

“Has…Heeseung been ignoring you?” You asked, your voice filled with hesitation.

Beomgyu let out a long sigh and leaned back, looking up at the night sky. “I don’t know why, he’s never been like this.”

So he has.

“I even went to his house, but his mom just said he’s going through some kind of phase. I don’t get it dude. It’s all so confusing,” Beomgyu mindlessly ranted, “Did he ignore you too? I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“He did.” You answered, “And I think it’s all my fault.”

Beomgyu furrowed his eyebrows, looking at you now. “What happened?”

Taking a deep breath, you began,  “Beomgyu, I like you. Or at least I liked you. “ You mentally winced at the sight of his eyes widening. “But now, I think I like Heeseung. Like a lot. And… we kissed in the photo booth that day, but after that, he just ran off.”

“Like the coward he is.” Beomgyu scoffed, clearly annoyed at his best friend’s loser-ish behaviour.

“And now, he probably still thinks I have feelings for you. I wanna tell him that I like him, he just won’t pick up.” You sulked, trying not to let the tears that formed in your eye fall.

“Hey, hey.” Beomgyu rubbed his hand against your back to comfort you,”He probably feels guilty about this, that’s probably why he’s shutting everyone out. I’m really sorry this happened, but…I think all we could do for now is to wait for him until he’s ready. He’s probably overwhelmed by everything.” He sighed.

“I know Beomgyu, I just want to talk to him so bad. I want to clear everything up. I just want to see him.” You said, your voice shaky. 

“Hey, if it’s hurting you this much… I’ll try and talk to him. I’ll try to get through to him.” Beomgyu said, his voice gentle 

You sniffed, wiping a stray tear. “Thank you.”

“If it makes you stop crying.” He said with a smile. 

You went back home with a comforted heart which was still hurting a bit. If you could only see Heeseung, everything would be cured. You’d give him the biggest hug and tell him everything you’ve been holding on to.

As you looked at the landline hanging on the wall, you leaned against the cold wall of your hallway. You picked the phone, dialling the familiar number once again.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Each ring felt like an eternity. You gripped the phone even tighter, desperate that he’d pick up. A lump appeared in your throat as the tears that were once gone came back and rested against your eyes, threatening to fall out. 

“Please pick up…Please.” You voiced out in a whisper.

It went to voicemail.

You let out the breath you’d been holding. You let go of the telephone you had been holding. The ears that had been stinging your eyes finally fell out as you let out a sob. You just hoped he didn’t hate you and you hoped that he’d pick up your calls tomorrow.

It had been days since Heeseung and you talked. Ever since that kiss, he hasn’t talked to you or Beomgyu. But what could he do? He didn’t seem to know. Christmas Eve had arrived, a time usually filled with warmth, joy, yet he just couldn’t shake that dreaded feeling off him.

The slowly softly landed on the concrete outside the house, the night displaying the bright stars. He trudged out the house carrying a garbage bag to dispose of it. 

Meanwhile, Beomgyu stood outside his house, padded up in his winter coat, his breath made visible in the air. He watched Heeseung’s dull self make a boring chore even more boring. He had been waiting a while for Heeseung to come out the house, and to his luck, Heeseung’s timing couldn’t be more perfect. 

Though Heeseung didn’t see him at first since his mind was scattered somewhere else, Beomgyu knew just what to do. He crouched down to grab a handful of snow and made a makeshift snowball or war weapon as Beomgyu would like to call it.

Before Heeseung could even turn back, a snowball suddenly smacked him in his back. Startled, Heeseung turned around quickly as his eyes landed on the mischievous boy. 

He groaned, “Seriously?” He brushed the snow off his jacket, sighing at the annoying act.

Beomgyu only smiled, crouching down once again to throw another. This time, it went straight to his arm and Heeseung could only sigh at his childish acts.

“What do you want?” Heeseung asked, feeling annoyed.

“Came to talk.” Beomgyu said, stepping closer. “You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” 

Heeseung raised his eyes at the insult, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do.” Beomgyu gazed at the boy, “You like Y/n.”

His heart skipped a beat at the mention of your name, “I mean I get it, She’s pretty.”

Heeseung’s eyes narrowed straight at him, a shot of jealousy hit him, “Dude.”

Beomgyu smiled at his reaction, “So you do like her.” He laughed.

“That doesn’t matter anymore. I fucked up.” He sighed.

The older boy shook his head, “You don’t know her. I mean have you talked to her?”

“I just don’t want to.” Heeseung said, a shaky voice emitted through his throat. “I’m…scared of what she’s going to say.”

Beomgyu sighed at his friend’s foolishness but he didn’t want to be the one to break the news of you liking him back, “You never know until you try. You should talk to her.”

Beomgyu's words had left Heeseung cluttered with thoughts. He should really talk to you. Yet he still was running away from the idea of having to do anything with you. For all he could know, he might’ve really fucked up your friendship and he jus did not want to face that. 

Heeseung started at the ground, his voice soft as a whisper, “I’m sorry I ignored you. It was stupid of me to do that.” 

Beomgyu put his hand around him as a warm, understanding gesture. “You are. But you’re my best friend. You can talk to me, you know?”

The taller boy only nodded at his words, “You know, Jay is having a christmas party now.” He said after a moment. “You should come.” 

Heeseung glanced at the boy, hesitation ran through his face but he could only nod before Boemgyu grinned at him, taking him away from his house as he headed towards Jay’s.

The cold didn’t seem to be biting anymore for Heeseung. He finally felt the relief and the comfort of christmas. The warmth of the christmas lights finally rushed towards him as he finally put on a smile to be reconciled with his best friend.

Now all he had to do was talk to you.

The warm air buzzed with sweaty teenagers and booze in every corner. There were a few garlands thrown around here and there, but that was just for the name of calling this a christmas party, though Jay just wanted to talk to girls. You were squished against some sophomores with Seori, trying to get past the drunk teenagers and head to the kitchen for some water.

“Hey, did you see Sunghoon?” Seori asked, looking around.

“No, you should probably ask Jay. I see him at the entrance.” You suggested, while taking two water bottles out the fridge. “Here.” You passed on to your best friend.

“Okay, don’t get lost or get into trouble! No drugs!” She shouted as she dived back into the pile of drunk teenagers. 

After a while, you went back into the living room, already regretting coming back into the crowd. Suddenly, a voice rang through your ears making you turn your head. 

“Hi Y/n! Didn’t know you came!” Beomgyu exclaimed, hugging you with one hand while his other was occupied with a beer.

“Yeah, Seori kinda forced me to come.” You said, with a hearty laugh. “Is he… here?” You asked, with hope.

Beomgyu smiled as he grinned, “He’s at the back. You should talk to him.” He nudged you.

You smiled, thanking him as you left to see Heeseung. The thought of seeing him brought that warm feeling back in you. Something you missed feeling. At that moment, you realised how much of a void he left in you when he went M.I.A. 

He was standing there, looking slightly out of place. His bambi eyes still managed to shine through the dark setting. You took in a deep breath and went up to him.

“Heeseung. Hi.” 

Heeseung’s heartbeat quickened. He gulped looking over you. “Hey, Y/n.”

“How are you?” You said, trying to engage in small talk knowing you wanted more than to hug him and clear everything up.

“I’m well. Finally got out of the house.” He slowly spoke, taking a sip out of his red cup. “How bout you?” 

“I’m okay…” To be honest, you weren’t. You had spent so much time thinking about Heeseung and your feelings and how that whole moment at the photobooth felt. Just the thought of him and your countless failed attempts at calling him never left your mind.

“You never picked up.” You curtly said. “I was…waiting for you.”

“I’m so sorry Y/n. I never meant to ignore you.” He said, coming closer to you. “I thought you were mad at me.”

“I’d never.” You smiled sincerely, looking up at him. 

He smiled at that. “Merry Christmas Y/n.” The boy said softly, a small smile played on his lips.

You giggled as you came closer. “Merry Christmas Seung.” 

The tension between you both wore away. It felt normal again. It felt like the same old you and the same old Heeseung. And you liked how it was right now. 

But just as you were about to say something more, Jake spoke up. “Yo, you guys are standing under the mistletoe.” He yelled as he pointed at the sprig of mistletoe above you both. 

“KISS! KISS! KISS!” The chants echoed throughout the room, and all you could look at was how flushed Heeseung looked. You needed to let him know that you liked him now. You weren’t able to let out the words before so you took a step closer to him. 

You could see how red his ears were to which you smiled at. Cute. As you looked at him for consent through your doe eyes, he took the cue to hook his hands around your waist, filling the gap between you two. You instinctively put your arms around his necks, bringing his face closer to you. 

Just as Heeseung leaned in closer, with his breath feeling warm against your skin. Jay suddenly barged through the crowd, his voice loud enough to cut through the speaker’s music. You just caught him and just like that he slipped through your fingers. 

“Shit, Y/n!” 

You turned around startled, unconsciously pushing Heeseung away. “What’s wrong?”

“Seori’s crying.” Jay said, in a quieter voice. 

Your heart immediately sank, the moment you both had immediately fading away.  

“Fuck, is she okay?” You asked, voicing your concern. 

“Man, is this kiss gonna happen?” Jake said, tired of waiting. 

“Shut the fuck up, man!” You yelled before following Jay with Heeseung. 

Echoes of boos could be heard through the room, but you didn’t care about that. The only thing in your mind was Seori. You just hoped nothing intense happened.

You were left to see a distressed Seori, bawling while Beomgyu patted her back. “Seori, what’s wrong?” You asked, in a gentle manner, wiping the tears off her face.

“Sunghoon—kissed Junhee!” Seori hiccuped.

You immediately hugged her, her sniffles now becoming muffled. “I thought—we had something!” 

The tears soaked through your shirt as you as she let out uncontrollable sobs. You have never seen her like this in all of your seventeen years of living. It honestly broke your heart to see her in this state and realising how much that douchebag meant to her after countlessly brushing off the times you’ve teased her about being wrapped around his finger.

It fucking sucked to see your best friend being torn into bits all because she liked a boy. You were too much into comforting Soeri that you completely forgot about your surroundings—even Heeseung.

“Let’s go home, okay?” You spoke in a gentle manner, squeezing her tight as you spoke to which she only nodded.

You headed out the door, thanking Beomgyu and Jay. Heeseung mindlessly followed you two, a soft look on his face.

As you led Seori out the party and onto the porch, her sobs got quieter as she hiccuped occasionally. The air fresh from December hit your face, the windy atmosphere almost feeling harsher towards you. 

You finally let her out of your grip to let her collect herself and cool off a bit. You friend to Heeseung who was already looking at you with the light from the street lamps shining through his eyes.

“I’m..sorry we didn’t get to talk.” You mumbled, looking at him through your eyelashes.

“Don’t apologise. You did the right thing.” He reassured you with a soft smile, rubbing your arm as a gesture of comfort which made you smile back.

“We can always talk later, dork.” 

You missed him calling you that. You missed everything he did.

“Merry Christmas, Seung.” You said, tiptoeing to kiss him on the cheek. 

His eyes sprightly widened at that. He honestly couldn’t believe his eyes. A pretty girl just kissed him—correction; the prettiest girl in the world just kissed him. He felt like he won the lottery and the price was you. 

“Merry Christmas Y/n. Get home safe.” He said, as you walked away from him, hand in hand with Seori who was deep in her thoughts.

You waved towards him, your attention on him now converting to Seori who was beside you as you both headed to her house.

Heeseung touched the sticky mark that your lipgloss left on his cheek. The warmth of your small kiss still lingered on his cheek. As you disappeared from his sight, he knew he had to pour his heart and soul to the girl who had stolen his heart.

You always thought of spending a new year’s eve party at someone’s house, drinking booze and dancing with people left and right. But you realised, this year felt different. You leaned against the cold window of your bedroom, it was slightly drizzling outside. The sound of your tv turned on for the new year’s parade complimented the white noise you could hear from outside your room. 

It felt almost lonely, you turned around looking at the scenery of the night, the stars resting against the night sky. You had already beeped Seori through your pager but she has yet to call you, leaving you wondering what she was up to now.

Suddenly, a small thud against the window jolted you from your thoughts. Startled, you turned around to see the commotion outside. As you peered out the window, you saw four familiar figures standing outside your house, one of them wiggling a bag of soju bottles and snacks. 

Ofcourse, they’d show up unannounced. 

You rolled your eyes at the sight of Seori, Beomgyu and Heeseung showing up in front of your door, to your surprise. You quickly went downstairs to let them inside and showed them to your bedroom. 

“What are you guys doing here?” You asked, as you sat down on the cold floor where you were once seated.

“Saving your ass from a boring new year, duh!” Seori said, placing the bottles on the floor as she took a seat next to you.

“You guys really didn’t have to do this.” You said, though your eyes went up to Heeseung, like he was the only person who was in the room. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of that glow that he gave.

“Ey, it was more an excuse just to get black out drunk.” Beomgyu nudged your rib cage after sitting down next to you as Heeseung sat in front of you, not a ward out of his mouth.

As the night progressed, you four got comfortable and you later found out how much of a good pair Seori mixed with Beomgyu was. Though, you didn’t expect them to actually stick to their words and get wasted. Laughter echoed from them every five minutes and long before you knew it, Seori started blabbering mindless words while Beomgyu giggled at the smallest thing. 

“Beomgyu, what do you know about love?” Seori said, as she spread her legs, lying on the floor.

“Love?” Beomgyu giggled, “That’s funny.”

“Hey, have you ever been in love?” Seori mumbled to him.

“With soju, yeah.” He joked, earning a light hit from Seori.

“You kids still have to experience the heartbreak to know what love is.” Seori scoffed, her hands on her stomach as she looked at the ceiling. It was clear she was referencing what happened to her a few days ago.

Heeseung had now gotten closer, sitting right next to you. You both hadn’t talked about what happened that night, leaving unspoken words in the air. Though you both had eased in the awkwardness and got to talking a lot, not minding the two drunkards. 

“She’s so funny when she’s drunk.” You laughed at her state.

“Beomgyu’s worse.” Heeseung added in. 

“They make a good match.” You said, sighing at their foolishness. Heeseung smiling along with you.

A few hours, closer to midnight. Seori and Beomgyu were passed out, only leaving you two up to witness going into the new millennium. 

“It’s almost midnight.” You pointed out, as crowds started to appear at the sighting for the fireworks, you intently watched it through the small tv you had in your room. 

“Yeah,” Heeseung replied, his voice low and soft. 

“Hey listen, I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day.” He said, making you go back to the night of Christmas Eve, the thought leaving a fresh mark in your mind.

You turned to look at Heeseung who was already staring at you with his bambi eyes. 

“I think this is long overdue,” He sighed. “But I just wanted to tell you that I like you, a lot. More than just a friend. You’re really pretty and you’re such a dork, it makes me go crazy.” He slightly chuckled, making you smile at his silly speech. 

“I mean every single word I say. I don’t think I can start the new year by not telling you how you make me go crazy.” He softly said.

You had no words.

You realised you couldn't make up a small speech like his. It felt like too much to say. You had been pushing away your feelings for him, because you were too into Beomgyu’s handsome face. But after him opening your eyes wide, you realised the pretty boy sitting next to you was all you could ask for your new year’s wish. You looked at him through your eyelashes, your mouth slightly agape. 

You just wanted to kiss him.

So why not?

You leaned in, ever so slightly. You kissed him. The world outside seemed to slowly fade away. The countdown on the tv and the gentle snores from Seori and Beomgyu served as background noise. You could practically hear your heartbeat along with Heeseung’s. You could feel the slight taste of soju as his warm lips pressed against yours, his hand slowly reached its way to the back of your neck to pull you in closer. It felt like his lips against yours was the only thing that mattered.

3! 2! 1!

The fireworks started.

The kiss started in 1999 and ended in 2000, the clock struck twelve as the new year came in. You pulled away, exhaling that breath you didn't know you held in. You couldn’t help but giggle softly, as he finally cracked a smile.

“I like you too, alot.” You looked at him, he rested his forehead against yours. “Guess I fell for the wrong best friend.”

“I guess I fell for a dork.” He joked, earning a slight tap on his chest by your hand. “At least, that dork is mine, I hope.”

“I’d love to be yours, Hee.” 

Heeseung smiled at that, pecking you quickly. “Happy new year, dork.”

“Happy new year, Seung.” You replied, emotions filling you full.

He found his way to your lips again, kissing you with a tighter grip, and in that moment, you finally caught him—you weren’t letting the boy go anywhere. The boy who intimidated you at first, who called you a dork and now his, who cleaned your wounds and gave you piggyback rides. The boy who was your first love, now leaving him to adore you.

❨ READ MORE ❩ ៸៸ loading tapes . . .

adore you tags . @wonsbaer @isoobie @armydrcamers @heegyuwrld @nxxz-skz @txtlyn @enhastolemyheart @positivelyinlovewithjungwon @sumzysworld @eleanorheartschishiya @petalsofink @bluujeans @jvjsssnaa @iamliacamila @m3chigo @oldjws @kyrjnie @heartswonn @aeminju @en-dream @yeahsspider @imstupidcheesecat

perm tags . @zuyairus @bubblytaetae @yenqa @redm4ri @miumura @haechansbbg @taejaysreads @shinunoga-iie-wa @teddywonss @dioll @isoobie @dimplewonie @jennaissantes @aishigrey

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎prod yeokii ! do not copy, repost, translate any of my works

[bitchslapblastoids]

Let’s get some spoiler free posts on the dash! What do you love about dnp? (Be sure to tag #phan #dan and phil for the fandometrics <3)

Love this method of engineering and architecting our shared tumblr experience. Way to go anon!

Oooooooh what do I love about them oh noooooo I’m about to talk for sooooooo long.

Ok. Well part of what I love is kind of out of their control, and that’s the sprawling epic love story that has played out in this incredible hyperdocumented multimedia archive of the journey from puppy love —> real love —> guarding and protecting that love —> choosing one another consistently through stages of life —> working through incredibly hard life challenges together —> cracking open the shell encasing their love in order to share it more and more with the world. It’s just so beautiful to have witnessed. Seeing how they have grown around one another, adapting to match one another’s best traits and draw them out of eachother, god. Something special.

I love that dan is exceedingly vulnerable and open about weird, tough shit. I love that he’s really thoughtful about what he puts out into the world. Like, he cares about his contributions a lot and how he spends his precious time on this planet. It matters to him, and I appreciate that it matters.

I love that Phil is exceedingly generous in his view of others; he seems to see the light in people and the humor in hard moments and he seems to move through things with kindness and grace. He also projects such a secure sense of self. He knows who he is, what works for him, and he isn’t interested in pretending to be anything else.

I think they’re both really superb examples of living with mental illness. Phil is socially anxious and health anxious as all shit, but look at him!!! Look! At! Him! Dan manages chronic depression along with a whole fuckload of trauma, and look at him!!

They don’t mask much (I don’t think?), they’re just wonderfully, openly weird and celebrate their quirks. They candidly speak about their mental health shit but don’t let it stop them from living full, brave lives.

They are so respectful of their audience and really treat us as individual humans. They speak to us like people, they right their wrongs whenever possible, they have a brilliant ability to draw their audience into their content, they make people feel seen, they build so much creative work around what the audience gives them, and it’s really fucking cool how innate that has been for them from the start. They also just get it. They get internet culture, they get their fan base, and we’re lucky that they get it.

I think they’re so funny and are at their funniest when they aren’t trying too hard. Their banter is hilarious. The fainting during haircut story?? “I thought you were doing a little dance!” Dan’s hammock bracelet story?? “I was squinged up like a locust, like an accordion.” so funny!!!! They are so funny.

They have really taken the high road throughout their careers. They don’t talk shit, they stay out of drama, they treat others with decency and kindness, and they seem to be wonderful bosses too (such a good trait). When there have been endless opportunities for them to get dragged into pettiness or rightfully snap back at people, they have handled themselves with such grace

They understand the gravity of having influence. Despite obviously gunning for internet careers, they didn’t necessarily choose to have a significant influence on loads of young people, much like how most digital stars didn’t go into making digital content considering how much responsibility comes with a huge audience. It’s something I think kinda smacks a lot of people over the head as a sudden realization once their audience grows large enough. Some people then rise to that occasion and others don’t. Dan and Phil did.

They model creativity, kindness, collaboration, inclusivity, bravery, not taking yourself too seriously, self-growth and self love. It’s beautiful. All jokes aside, they are not terrible influences whatsoever. Look at the fan base they’ve cultivated! People found a home in them.

Also, they are hot.

[tonikogemmie]

April 14th, 2024: Sunday's Engrossing Gem

A nightmare apocalyptic scenario happens upon humanity in the form of what seems to be upper beings—gods even—settle in major human population zones. A gripping story between the new fucked up people molded from this disaster, the 'gods' themselves and how these humans plan to take back their cities and exterminate the invasive species of surreal monsters. And there may be no one else more involved in all of this than Kamikura Waka and the strange man she runs into when she tried to meet the gods.

After God by Eno Sumi

アフターゴッド

TYPE: Manga

TAGS: Drama, Psychological, Action, Fantasy (Urban), Supernatural (?), Thriller (?)

DEMOGRAPHIC: N/A

STATUS: Ongoing

RATING: Mature. Its about everything short of sexual violence and assault, really it isn't insensitive or anything, just nuts. themes of suicide. pseudo cannibalism.

Perhaps this is why this story would be to your liking:

This is some real ass blocks of text philosophy. Though it is usually delivered through the mouths of outsider creatures so in a way I think it is lot more interesting and despite their supposed alienness from humans, their interpretations might not be too off.

(Strangely enough, this manga is quite funny if your sense of humor is a little off like mine. The dialogue has some crazy spunk. Yeah the characters are pretty hot too. If you ask me, the subtext also looks pretty queer sometimes.)

Also take this as just my interpretation, I really think this manga is about unorthodox expressions of love. Deeply engrossing is the interpersonal relationships that are abnormal, and these people's plea for their existence. To me, reading this manga means we have to bear witness to humans who can no longer live normally.

And of course, this art is no joke! Aside from the stunning spreads and a complex monstrosity designs, I always love art that can convey discomfort. It's so beautiful and ill-inducing, their expressions and being. It feels a touch away from horror, if only because the art isn't there to scare you, but to itch at your gut. Yes... this is the kind of manga that gnaws you from your innards with anticipation, thrill and maybe like a secret third thing.

Well! I’m off to read some more!

ENGLISH LICENSE (though if you 🏴‍☠️ I'm not against you):

This is also a new development with the official English, an unannounced hiatus all of a sudden. While it is behind by a manageable 2 chapters, we're still awaiting news on if the English publication is continuing.

The author also has a non-negligible amount of untranslated works under her belt, so I am sure to look into that.

Alright alright, enough from me. Happy reading.

[yellow-dress-basil]

I see all these joke posts about Dysautonomia Awareness month, which I think is coming up, like “I’m very aware of Dysautonomia”

And I 100% get the joke and think its actually super funny - and this is in no way trying to dunk on anyone

I WAS UNAWARE OF DYSAUTONOMIA

And when someone finally told me it existed 2 days ago, I realized all the different medical issues I’ve been going to doctors for and getting tests for for YEARS (literally I’m 28 and this is since I was 16) may actually be all connected and it might not be just in my head or just that I’m lazy and don’t like to stand or move.

Like my gastroparesis, GERD, Cyclic vomiting syndrome, migraines, dizziness, chronic fatigue, hormone imbalances, etc etc etc might all be one, explainable phenomena??

Like every random illness and new symptom that has popped up since I was a child might be real and connected?

So jokes aside - awareness campaigns are important!!!

[yourghostwrotethis]

Fic Recs #4

Hello and welcome back to the fourth instalment of my fic rec posts! Check out #1 here, #2 here, and #3 here. All of these can also be found in my #fic rec tag!

This post (well, these fics) are brought to you thanks to the work of the wondrous mods over at @aziraphales-library! Check them out if you haven’t already, and give them a big thank you :)

Please do recommend stuff to me! (See at the end for what I like, and of course, I wouldn’t rec these if I hadn’t liked them, so they’re also an indicator of my tastes!)

This post has four long fics and two short fics, with varying tropes and styles!

The Ghost of Husbands Past (E)

by A_N_D (@madenthusiasms)

Az always knew that he’d be thrown out the moment his father found out he was gay. He hadn’t expected to be declared dead though - or for his husband to believe it!

But their marriage had been a foolish teenage impulse (not to mention invalid in America), so when Az moved to a small town far upstate New York to start his new life, he moved alone. The kindest thing he could do was let Crowley mourn and move on, not be shackled for life to a now disabled partner.

Tony Crowley never recovered from losing his best friend, his childhood sweetheart, his better half. He’d been drifting ever since; no plans, no hope, no money - and now, just before Thanksgiving, no job either. 

Given the stark choice of freezing to death or accepting his sister’s invitation to join her upstate, Tony reluctantly lives out the Hallmark cliche of Recently Unemployed Person Moves to Small Town for Christmas.

It’s a time of hope, love, and family.

It’s time for Az and Tony to find each other again.

Words: 94042 (Complete)

If you like fics that don’t hesitate before punching you in the gut, this is one of them. From the very first chapter, one is intrigued by the mystery of the whole story, and the events are so unpredictable that I can guarantee you’re in for an eventful ride.

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Talk about the weather (M)

by nightbloomingcereus (@moondawntreader)

Television meteorologist Aziraphale Fell and Youtube storm chaser A. J. Crowley have nothing in common aside from a purely professional interest in the weather and a mutually beneficial arrangement to lend a hand when needed. So what if they bicker and flirt more than your typical professional acquaintances, or if their arrangement inevitably veers into more personal territory? It's not as if they're in love or anything. Absolutely not.

Words: 81582 (Complete)

I binged this fic in one evening and it was wonderful. It’s very fluffy, and the whole thing feels like it falls into place naturally. The banter is wonderful, and I’d associate this fic with the word “happy” because that’s what I felt when I was reading it. It’s so nice, and I love human AUs and social media ones - this is a great mix of the two!

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The Plantom Menace (G)

by theinkwell33 (@splitting-infinities)

There is an urban legend well known in this area regarding The Plant Man. Footage exists, blurry and ill-lit, of the trespassing fiend, but it never provides a good look at his face. He exists only as a rumor; a giggled whisper in someone’s ear at the pub, an inside joke at uni, and a viral sensation. None of these things mean he is not real. That being said, the only person who can corroborate the truth about the Plant Man is the man himself. And unfortunately, Anthony J. Crowley has no idea that it’s him.

Words: 3608 (Complete)

Short, sweet, and hilariously funny, this fic is a lovely outsider POV one shot featuring mundane events in the ineffable pair’s lives. I’d already read this a long time ago and it cracked me up as much now as it did back then. Filled with funny meta jokes and real humour, this is golden.

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An Educator’s Guide to Latin and Lobsters (G)

by theinkwell33 (tagged above)

Aziraphale's been saddled with chaperone duty on a school field trip to the aquarium, even though he's a Latin professor who knows absolutely nothing about fish. One would think it'd be his downfall, but it turns out the only one it slays is one Anthony Crowley, marine biologist and harried aquarium employee.

Words: 3729 (Complete)

Another short story by the same author, with a delightfully harried Mr. Fell and just-socially-awkward-enough Crowley. If you know nothing about fish, like mermaids, or want to read a short and sweet meeting fic, this is for you (no one needs to know which).

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Across the Line (T)

by hope_in_the_dark (@hope-inthedark)

Ezra is a student in his final year at University College London, and he’s in love with a man he’s never spoken to. For months, Ezra has been tipping (and pining after) a musician named Crowley every time he sees him. He thinks that Crowley hasn’t noticed him, but Crowley has.  A love story that begins with, of all things, the saving and handing over of a book.  (Written for the Good Omens Mini Bang. Multi-chapter human AU - updates every week until completion!)

Words: 31006 (Complete)

This story is just… fluff. Pure fluff. Tooth-rotting fluff. No conflicts. It’s great! It’s a very cute story featuring a beautiful tale of falling in love, but with some stuff that makes it extra special. It feels real, in a way, unlike many of the stories told in fan fiction (this isn’t a problem, just a statement of fact), and there are small things that make it mean the world to me. Gender non-conforming Crowley, neurodivergent Aziraphale, plus some extra bonus tropes, AND it’s ace… this is sweet and lovely :)

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And to finish off this list…

Thieves of Mercy (T)

by Fyre (@amuseoffyre)

The Serpent has a reputation in the art world. A master thief who can wriggle into the tightest spots and extract the most well-protected paintings from the richest people in the world. He’s never even come close to being caught. Except just now. For a crime he didn’t commit. In a museum where he was scoping out his next job. Crowley’s not one to be petty but he’s not about to let anyone frame him, even if the person in question seems to be nothing more than an innocent, wide-eyed art restorer who works in the museum… _________________________________

When Good Omens meets art thievery and heist shenanigans

Words: 64168 (Complete)

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HEIST FIC! HEIST FIC!

This story is seriously amazing, and I love it to bits. It has art history, found family, snarky jokes, mistaken identity, and everything that comes with the pair being (thick as) thieves! I could rant about this for ages. Don’t test me. (Or please do.) It’s just amazing and unexpected and a nice breath of fresh air after reading so many tropes! (And I like those! But after staying cosy in bed for the whole day, you do have to let some fresh air in, and that’s exactly what this is!) There are twists and turns and plot turnarounds that will leave you dumbfounded, and things don’t necessarily turn out how you’d expect.

This also reminds me of wasteland, baby which I previously recced - it has the same basic atmosphere, but a very different structure!

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Please recommend fics! I’ll admit I haven’t had time to read many in a few months, but here are my tastes:

I am a VERY BIG FAN of AUs (usually human ones). Give me them!! Coffee shop, fake relationships, social media, soulmates, anything! Of course I like other stuff - and I do have some particular soft spots, notably for the Bentley - so please do recommend anything that you liked, it doesn’t matter whether it’s short and complete, or long and ongoing, or any combination! I’m always on the lookout for recommendations of any sort, so I’ll take most anything (and if you have a doubt, rec it anyway!)

You can also check out my Good Omens bookmarks here on AO3 :)

[weirdestcornelius]

Starting this sparklecrit blog out with a bang of course. Hello fellow critics and those that will send me slurs /hj

Sparklecare and Cometcare their fandoms have a blatant ableism problem. The fandom consistently makes fun of characters that are seen as having "gross" disabilities or disorders.

Take Sly, for example. She doesn't take care of herself because of depression, something that is shown in comic and stated directly on her toyhouse profile. Fen is one of the MOST relatable characters I have ever come across. The moment I saw her in comic my first thoughts were "that's me. That's literally me in this comic, I've never felt so close to a character before." Untillll I saw how god awful the fandom and even Kittycorn treats fen.

Sly is so consistently made fun of for fens hygiene, it's disgusting. Sure, maybe one or two jokes would be fine. Hell, even a joke every arc would be fine, but it's something she's constantly made fun of for. The way the fandom and Kittycorn squeakself calls fen "stinky" and "gross" is TERRIBLE. There is no excuse to act like this. Yes, fen is a character and therefore not a real person, but it's really shitty behavior to make fun of a character for their legitimate illness. Jeez, I figured I wouldn't have to worry about this in a fandom supposedly made out of mentally and physically disabled/ill people.

Moving onto Sparklecare instead of a side comic, Polly. Poor, poor Polly has been done so nasty. It has a genuine illness, made up or not, that has terrible symptoms that cannot be cured on spinch. He can't remember their own friends, she can hardly feel emotions towards others, but all of that is tossed aside to make another "lmao being around Polly makes everyone else horny" joke. I guess it makes sense for them to act like that around Polly (sort of?) considering the whole heat retainment lore and the cold, but Polly is literally shown to be uncomfortable with this. They don't seem to be interested in Barry or anyone around them at all. She doesn't get any personality other than "numb fox dude that steals from people and can't feel emotions that well". You can write emotionally numb characters without giving them zero personality. Not to mention how Polly just doesn't use his cane despite it being specified that it needs it otherwise they're at fall risk. It seems like that issue is being fixed, but here's hoping it actually stays fixed.

I want more disabilities to be shown so badly, but at the same time, I'm scared for them to be. I just know that the disabilities I struggle with, if they were represented in this comic, they'd be made fun of. For example, my really bad skin picking disorder causes me to leave flakes of skin and nail clippings wherever I go. I just know that this fandom would make fun of a character for that by saying shit like "they can't even clean up after themselves lmao. #lazy" or something along those lines.

I've been so consistently triggered by people making fun of Sly that it's not even funny. For a fandom that's supposed to be understanding, everyone sure does love to make fun of peoples illnesses the moment they're not played off as cutesy or a gateway into ship material. It's disgusting.

[reilleclan-blog]

American Psycho review

-

Alrighty*claps hands together* I watched this fucking movie. And I find it hilarious hilarious ppl really took what was in that movie and was like "yeah I'm him" genuinely wanting to be that guy. Shows a lot about our society today the "privilege" ppl like him get to have to even remotely even BE PATRICK BATEMAN. Uh I'm ngl I feel bad for the actor who plays him cause I hear it can be mentally taxing for a "regular" person to play a literal killer.

But aside from that, the movie everytime that nigga Patrick was on screen, genuinely terrified me. Scared the living hell out of me. I'd say this movie could be a horror but um yeah. The fact he has these "identities" so much so that at the very end of the movie he's still just "dismissed" from the crimes he committed and that really made me think of "society"

How could this white rich straight man possibly be a killer he has everything. The fact Bateman BLATANTLY SAYS "YO I KILLED OVER 40 PPL" and the dude genuinely thought he was joking is insane to me. Again the ending just SCREAMS THE PRIVILEGE IN UR FACE. I kinda can't take the movie seriously but the fact men like that exist in real time is the most serious part of it all. (Also adding to the fact, ppl would often mistake who he was also showed how all of them(business bros) are so much the same, but they want to be seen as "different" I guess)

The fact the only person that (I guess) "genuinely" cared about Bateman was the white girl that was "so nice" and she "was the girl for him all along". The god damn receptionist. THE FACT HE FLAT OUT STOPPED HIMSELF FROM KILLING HER B/c who the fuck knows. I genuinely don't think it had anything to do with her being the receptionist maybe he just wanted to actually stop? But like who could tell. (Also she is technically I guess, the only person who finds how sick he is and is still alive. It was either branching off into "I can fix him" territory or she just looks at him differently) who can say.

And yeah, rip my girl Christie(funny u never know her actual name , I don't think) I knew she wasn't making it out alive but she had the right idea trying to leave.

(Sidenote: i genuinely couldn't tell the difference between the men and women on the screen they genuinely ALL looked alike. Aside from some features. So when they were talking about some bitch named Evelyn I was like "wasn't that the fiancé" but maybe he just found another girl that was named Evelyn lol. Or he wanted to kill his fiancé by proxy or something EDIT: actually the woman he killed was named Elizabeth)

Um the fact the men were just allowed to be actual dickheads and the women just smiled and waved. Like trophies hung up in a room , was very fitting. And also the idea of being this "perfect" person to fit in made me wonder why do alot of killers( and yes I know, narcissists, I just don't want to be like "all narcissists are killers") think they need to Be "perfect". With Bateman it made "sense" cause he's trying to "fit in" but all that effort he puts in didn't necessarily need to be done. I think he wanted to convince himself it mattered cause when u think about "societal norms" most of it is irrelevant. And or he could've been trying to fit in so hard b/c if he didn't he'd look like a neurodivergent ass nigga around a bunch of neurotypicals. And that couldn't go well especially when ur in "corporate". He walks around with headphones always on, he talks about his special interests(music) and he draws. Definitely sounds like he is on the spectrum.(lol I'm literally him, lookin ass)

Uh this movie made me physically sick and why they needed to add "American Psycho" again poking at America's culture(business culture and white ppl in general) AmeriKa , it's literally true (this movie could've also popularized the jerking off of serial killers as well. .. romanticizing a serial killer romanticizing mental illness. It's a lot and it's very sick) Sidenote Sidenote: Bateman had money he was rich back then shit was cheap as well so he could've easily bought services for help and kept it under wraps but he didn't want to, he wanted to kill those ppl b/c society told him it's ok to be a psychopath if ur rich white and a Man U CAN BE WHATEVRR U WANNA BE👍🏾😬

Edit edit: now that I think about it even more, I think he wanted to get caught so badly. B/c ig the most "interesting" thing this guy could ever say/do was that he killed ppl. He wanted to fit in so badly he never has a "real identity" nobody even knows who he was unless it was ppl that interacted with him daily(friends , receptionist) he was just another face. It's almost like he hated that about himself the most but he "couldn't figure it out"

The fact he's ALLOWED to have mental breakdowns, commit mass shootings, and then go back to his job the next day like nothing happened. It's just fucking classic. Do u know how many news reports there is of BLACK AUTISTIC PPL HAVING AN EPISODE AND THEY ARE JUST FLAT OUT KILLED? Way too many. There was one recently. Kid named Ryan Gainer 15 years old was killed.

It's incredibly cringe the way he's like "this is it for me"*swallows pills* and genuinely nobody gave a fuck lol. As in nobody cares cause he's a rich white dude, and "nobody cares" cause there's no empathy or sympathy when it comes to mental health. (Can tie in men's mental health but most of the shit they deal with is brought upon themselves)

This guy was a genuine nobody but also someone

Sick movie but ngl I did like analyzing it. Some parts of it made me genuinely cry b/c ppl like this have no morals. He's a person on the surface but on the inside he's sick and he's allowed to be. He's told he can be sick and it's acceptable.

(Side note side note side note: I'm not here to convince anyone of anything I'm simply sharing my thoughts and feelings. I'm not here to sugar coat or make u feel comfortable. If I made u uncomfortable at all then I did my job. If u want to stay a dumbass and be willfully ignorant I cannot stop u, but don't think u can comment or repost my shit and think I won't respond or just flat out block u. I have no energy for stupidity. I'm not privileged enough to be a fucking dumbass when all this shit is happening around me. Kindly leave my page and go on with ur life.)

[definitelynotshouting]

Part 3!! This one's really long so i apologise 😭

"The hooks give lumbering chase, streams of water bleeding for the ocean"

- ooh. Firstly, the overall metaphor here is beautiful. Millions of streams and rivers that leas into the ocean, sustaining it yet so insignificant on their own. Grian's only tasting droplets of Mumbo's emotions. Leading on from the water imagery, what's there now is hiding behind a dam with the potential to be a torrent. "Bleeding *for*" highlights this, firstly with "bleeding" referencing how this sustains grian, and "for", directionally and prepositionally, is a reminder of where things are headed (these are the streams Grian is tasting, how long before he devours the ocean?) The word "lumbering" itself exacerbates this; "lumbering" is heavy, like crashing through undergrowth. It gives an impression of clumsiness, and strain. It's a reminder of how starved Grian is, and how his control only lasts so long.

-☀️

"Even half-starved, Grian had been stronger, and he'd delighted in it;"

- The "and he'd delighted in it" HURTS. He's trying to convince himself (and this instance, 'proving') that he will be fine in this state. Half-starved, he's still strong enough to pick his friends up to lovingly inconvenience them. He's even stronger than Mumbo! So that's enough to keep living like this, right? It'll all be fine!

-☀️

"A wave of unexpected heat wells in Grian’s eyes; abruptly, the careful veil of darkness is a blessing, concealing how his vision blurs, how his breaths shake with a new and quivering urgency. The vice around his lungs tightens, cinches shut, and Grian counts backward from ten, until the burn forces him into another shaky exhale."

- man. 🐴

- From my first ask, unreliable narrator-grian back at it: convinces himself his friends hate him and is surprised when they don't! Jokes aside though, fucking OUCH.

-☀️

"Because… it is. This is Grian, in all his splendid glory: a hideous gap in the fabric of the universe; a cold, bloated corpse still bleeding; a knife in the hands of murderers. Cut from a cloth woven of destruction, fear… Mumbo, with all this hapless hope, basks in the memory of nothing more than a tapestry of deceit."

- *gripping you by the shoulders reaction image*

- I just. wow :(((

- Theres so much in here to unpack, but ill try to be concise. 1) "a hideous gap in the fabric of the universe", in his creation, his life as a player was erased, memories taken and implanted into something so completely different. There is a life that once existed, and now it is "a gap", hidden in... something else? If you have someone else's memories are you them? Or just a version (a perversion, as i recall you said once). 2) "a cold, bloated corpse still breathing" woww.. firstly it's a reminder of how the player was erased, and he is simply piloting the "corpse" of someone elses memory. It's like reverse possession. Secondly, it's a testament to his current plan- how he sees himself as a dead man walking- counting the number of days he has left on one hand. 3) the "knife" and the "cloth": he was made by the Watchers to fill their ranks, and as much as he tries to convince himself he *isnt one of them*, that IS how he sees himself; no better than the beings that created him. 4) the Mumbo part. It wasn't all "a tapestry of deceit"!!! The love was real and it's STILL THERE

/POS,,,,, sun anon your commentary always hits. Im so so glad you liked this chapter so much-- its a little funny that the chap i was most worried about quality-wise this time around is the one that seems to be a huge hit with people. Everyone has left SUCH nice comments about it and im really grateful for how sweet everyone is ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 tysm, i love your analysis and commentary a TON, its genuinely a highlight of posting each chapter

[hyperfixationtimego]

idk if you're still answering asks but you're the top blog in the shinguuji tag. ship opinions? What are your favorites?

:0 AYO???? that’s wild dude fuck yeah

and euehuehuehuehueheu oh buddy. i’m literally the most annoying person in the world when it comes to ships, thank you for asking ❤️

Ships I Like:

• Shinouma (Kokichi x Korekiyo) - holds these guys up to you and swings them around like pathetic little ferrets. the idea of them together is so funny and sweet to me. like - the struggle for dominance between them would be SO real…… Kokichi constantly bugs him ‘cause he wants Kiyo’s attention…….Kiyo tells him stories, and Kokichi pretends not to be interested, but really he’s sitting there listening to every word like 👁️👁️…… Ugh okay just THINK of all the possibilities for smarmy little quips and back-and-forth dialogue between them!!!!! they’d be INSUFFERABLE AND I ADORE THEM IMMENSELY!!!!

• Momoguji (Kaito x Korekiyo) - 👉👈 what if I put my two favorite v3 characters into a ship and then never shut up about it forever and ever and ever??? no listen to me they’re so good. Kaito initially overlooks him because he’s more drawn to classmates like Kaede, Shuichi, & Maki, but once he gets to know him a little more…….GOD. Kiyo saying one (1) thing that makes the alarm bells in Kaito’s head go off and the astronaut is straight up just “WELP. TIME TO ADOPT ANOTHER EMO.” and then he does <3 Kaito wanting to save him……Kiyo not realizing he needs to be saved, but secretly wanting it anyway…….oh they make me absolutely INSANE. and also just - the idea of Kiyo wanting to take away Kaito’s pain, too. Kaito is so selfless and loves people with his whole heart, and Kiyo just wishes he could be half as kind as Kaito is………plus there’s the idea of kiyo already being accustomed to loving (or, well, “loving”) someone with terminal illness which can make for some VERY good angst potential and trauma re-triggering ehehehe

• Kiyoumota (Kokichi x Korekiyo x Kaito) - LISTEN TO MEEEE they’re great on their own but TOGETHER????? oh I am SO WEAK!!!!!! the love the love the love - the complication of it all, the everpresent conflict and comfort from both sides, a constant quarreling from a place of softness and adoration and vulnerability!!!!! it is a PERFECT BALANCE, I tell you!!! Korekiyo mediates arguments between Kokichi and Kaito so that they don’t accidentally go too far (insert auspistice joke here I guess. ….sorry), Kaito uplifts Kokichi’s & Kiyo’s spirits by making them both see how wanted they are and how much he loves them, how strong they both really are……and Kokichi is the grounding force, the one that keeps the bad thoughts from spiraling and going too far, the one who will distract, who doesn’t mind making his lovers upset with him so long as it means he can take away the pain and numb it for a little while. oh anon, when I tell you I ABSOLUTELY LOVE them!!!!!!!!!

• Korekuwata (Korekiyo x Leon) - ……I don’t have an excuse this is just me being insufferable sorry. I love these two because I am insane and they’re both my favorite little guys. I can see them sorta trauma bonding and just becoming such important people in the other one’s life because like……opposites attract kinda deal, y’know? like. Leon is so passionate, so fiery - but still sweet, still helpful; would want to make his presence known if there was something he could help resolve. And Kiyo is so thoughtful and can push his own emotions aside to rationalize the possible outcomes of a situation, can calm someone down if he cares for them enough…….listen I just think they’d enjoy each other’s company and everyone around them would just kinda be like “hey what the fuck”

• Korekiyo x Nagito - UM!!!!!! hi I’m insane. they read books together and love it when the other one rambles or infodumps to them <3 they’re both astounded that the other one can have such a negative self-image because all they can see is someone truly beautiful, someone brimming with hope, someone worthy of so much more love than they could ever ever give!!! they are kissing and making out sloppy style and conducting social experiments on their peers thank u for coming to my ted talk

• Korekiyo x Byakuya - these two are just. kissing with tongue I think. like. Korekiyo badgers him with anthropological questions and moral quandaries and Byakuya just. [grabs him by the collar] “stop being so pretty before I bring hell down upon you so help me GOD.” and Kiyo just thinks it’s funny and finds it flattering. like ough listen Kiyo would want to study him soooooo bad. and Byakuya would find him tolerable, because at least he’s well-read and understands the concept of personal space JSVSNDNDN and. just. they both repress themselves so much that I think at some point it just boils over and they end up sticking their tongues down each other’s throats.

• Fujiguji (Chihiro x Korekiyo) - genderweird couple my beloved ❤️

• Ryoma x Korekiyo - something something lonely people something something outcasts of society finding solace with one another (also. korekiyo has cat vibes. tell me I’m wrong I DARE you. Ryoma would get to know his stupid ass and be like “ohhhh I get it now. goddamn it. son of a bitch.” and has to resist the urge to pet him whenever he’s given any sort of height advantage or anything teehee)

• Kazukiyo (Kazuichi x Korekiyo) - I took part in one (1) danganronpa roleplay server and this relationship ended up budding…….i was not normal about it then and I am still not normal about it now <3

Ships I’m Neutral Towards:

• Shinsai (Korekiyo x Shuichi) - eh. just not my thing, I think. plus, I have other ships for both of them that I heavily prefer, which might be a factor in why it’s so ‘meh’ for me.

• Korekiibo (Korekiyo x Kiibo) - I find myself wanting to like this ship more than I actually do tbh?? like. I feel like there’s so much potential here. but tbh I have a bit of a difficult time connecting with Kiibo as a character anyway, so maybe that’s why it’s not a huge pull for me?

• Tanakiyo (Gundham x Korekiyo) - ok. this one’s growing on me I think. the little art that this ship has is absolutely BANGER. I think it’s just difficult for me to picture a scenario in which they’d actually like………interact with one another or develop feelings. then again……..kiyo wanting to study the strange and silly occult dude who speaks in riddles and tells everyone he’s from hell………👀

• Gontaguuji (Gonta x Korekiyo) - I used to be obsessed with these two actually <3 not super sure why I’m not as into it anymore? Guessing my tastes have just changed :p

Ships I Hate/Dislike:

• Kirukiyo (Kirumi x Korekiyo) - conflicts with my personal headcanons for the characters; just not my thing.

• Amaguji (Rantaro x Korekiyo) - hooooo boy I can already tell I’m gonna get a lot of flak for this one. it makes me ridiculously uncomfortable. The only two interactions that come to mind when I think of these two in-game is the one where Rantaro tells Kaede that Kiyo “isn’t that bad” once you get to know him a bit, which is fine, and then also the……….*shudders* UTDP interaction between them. y’know, the one where they talk about their sisters together 💀 I just find it reallllyyyyyy sus and I do not like the idea of rantaro’s relationship with his sisters being compared in any way, shape, or form to the literal incestuous rape and grooming that is Kiyo’s shitshow of a backstory.

• Shinnaga (Angie x Korekiyo) - another cold ass take I know, but. they literally do not even like each other as friends in-game. Kiyo’s smart enough to know what she’s up to, and Angie’s smart enough to be able to recognize that from a mile away - he wants to study her, but she knows it would be dangerous for her credibility, so she refuses to allow him to worship with her for the sake of research. She intentionally closes herself off from him and becomes guarded, wary - it’s not this cutesy, hanging-off-his-arm-and-annoying-him type relationship that fanon seems to have built up out of nowhere for them; they legitimately regard one another as a threat. Also, I’m just not a huge fan of killer/victim ships in the first place?? Like, yeah, I’ve got a few exceptions, but. these two are on the same level as Leosaya and Bandaid for me (which is to say, absolutely despised).

• Genocide Jill x Korekiyo - I mean. Do I really have to spell it out?? These are probably the two characters with the worst writing of the entire franchise, deliberately portraying marginalized groups as serial killers, and yet some people apparently????? ship them together??????? and make them a fucking serial killer tagteam power couple???????? literally fuck OFF I cannot trust ANYONE who can enjoy this ship with the canon characterizations

• Sister x Korekiyo - this isn’t even a ship it’s just incestuous grooming and abuse. like listen - it’s great to write fucked up content and all, but if you’re portraying them as being in a healthy, loving relationship and you don’t want to acknowledge the ugly reality of it then I truly do hate you with every fiber of my being and, once again, cannot trust you at all.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | The Premature Burial (Corman, 1962)

This review contains spoilers in the last paragraph. I would strongly suggest skipping it if you haven't seen the movie.

One of the nice surprises about this movie is that it shows us Hazel Court in a very different mode than I'd become used to. Granted, the majority of things I'd seen her in I only watched over the last week or so, and it's unfair to draw conclusions based on such a small sample size. But in The Masque of the Red Death and The Raven, she'd played boisterously bad characters in performances that can be described as heave-heavy. Here, she is more reserved, seemingly driven primarily by her love and concern for her husband as he spirals into madness. And I come to the conclusion, seeing her go from characters so delighted in their sin, to one seemingly so steadfast in her virtue, that she's really been one of the highlights of these Roger Corman Edgar Allan Poe adaptations. Of course, the fact that the object of her love and concern, that she is so eager to marry at first, is none other than Ray "Dial M For Murder" Milland, should lead you to draw some suspicions. At best, her love seems ill advised, given that his best known roles cast him as an alcoholic who tried to kill his wife. Lady, this guy is not marriage material. (Okay, those were two different movies.)

Milland took the lead role as Corman's usual choice Vincent Price was unable to take the part thanks to contractual obligations, and I think the movie is better off as a result. Price can be very enjoyable in these movies, but there's an irrepressible delight he takes in playing such characters that would feel wrong for the movie. Milland is comparatively somber and human, someone seemingly done in by his affliction, not all too unlike his performance in The Lost Weekend. Apologies if I've framed some of this glibly, but I think the movie is pretty compassionate in this respect as far as these things go. Perhaps the most glib the movie gets, aside from the climax, is when he demonstrates his contraptions for escaping a premature burial, although the tone here is one of concern for his deteriorating psyche. (Although if you pulled what he did in real life, it might be a little funny. At least if you played it like a practical joke. Okay, maybe not to your loved ones. Okay, definitely not if you planned to dynamite your way out of your grave like he considers. I also imagine the insurance company would demand a refund.)

With the exception of Masque, these movies have felt pointedly small, most likely as a result of their budgets, but I think this uses that smallness best. This is about a character crippled with fear of catalepsy, who essentially imprisons himself in his home as he becomes increasingly obsessive about the condition. (As someone who's felt some unease going back to the world after the last few years, I perhaps identified with him a bit more than I'd like to admit.) Which means that limiting the story to a handful of sets serves both a diegetic and an atmospheric purpose, and the latter aim gets a little help from the abstracted graveyard scenes, where a little bit of fog goes a long way. (Remind me to fish out my foggy movie punchcards, I think I've seen enough for that submarine sandwich. Hopefully I didn't pull the loco gangster move of having multiple incomplete punchcards, something I've been all too guilty of in real life.) All of these have offered different modes of gothic horror, and this is the one that feels most decayed, most entombed.

**SPOILERS*** (You can skip this last paragraph if you haven't seen this.)

I do think the movie miscalculates with the last ten minutes. The climax, in which Milland breaks out of his premature burial and seeks revenge on those who've wronged him, feels clumsy where the rest of the movie has been executed with elegance and a lightness of touch. It's as if Corman remembered he had to serve up some overt scares to the audience and stumbles through them as quickly as possible, throwing deliberation to the wind. I am not immune to the charms of such sequences, but I do think it hurts the movie a little. But I also think the last minute twist, wherein Court is revealed to have orchestrated Milland's downfall, cheapens what had seemingly been a rich and nuanced relationship. I had grown to like Court as a good woman, and didn't like that we reverted to business as usual. But to atone, the movie nicely enriches the complex love Milland's sister Heather Angel had for him in the tender final moments, so perhaps all is not lost.

[gainaxvel3o]

Volume 9 was great! Right up until the last two episodes, where they rush some stuff through, but it’s still pretty good.

I love this take on Alice in Wonderland and its exploration of stories. The Ever After is an assortment of bright colors and unnatural environments, which gives it an inherently surreal vibe that I like. Its citizens are one note to serve the “story” of the Ever After is both an example of how otherworldy the place is and an interesting exploration of a supporting cast in the story. They get tired of their roles as any person, and they use Ascendance to transform into whatever their desires wish them to be for good and for ill. We get a glimpse of this with the Red Prince, where the Red King was so distraught with his loss to Alyx he became someone who’d do anything to win the game, and it really comes full force with the Curious Cat’s curiousity eventually revealing him as the villain trying to break the characters in order to escape the Ever After to find new things to do.

It’s a much lighter Volume at the start, which was good. We got entertaining and funny moments with the cast interacting in this bizarre environment they’ve found themselves in, and some positive developments on the side. Blake and Yang finally get together, and its incredibly wholesome to see them as a couple. We got some hints of them in Volume 7, but they’re very lovely sweet now that they’re official, being supposrtive and cracking jokes at each other. it serves a nice contrast to the darkness that reaches the final few episodes, 

Ruby and Jaune go through a parallel arc that drives them new dimensions. Ruby, a character who’s had to push aside her pain the whole way through to this point, finally breaks apart for real the weight of her massive feelings of failure. Being surrounded by constant reminders of her failures, such as Penny’s sword, or jabs made by Jinxy or Neo’s illusions, she furiously lashes out n a moment that felt a long time coming, her bitterness driving her further to the edge of despair, When it seemed lost, Ruby learns a lesson in self-care, realizing even though she feels like a failure, that doesn’t mean she is worthless. In a moment striking in its beautiful simplicity, Ruby realizes she is enough, for herself and her friends, and comes out with a new version of Red like Roses that I NEED TO HEAR YESTERDAY. Jaune arrived earlier than the others as the Rusted Knight, “protecting” the Paper pleasers in an effort to stay sane, but not taking the time to understand their perspective due to his own traumas. Similar to Ruby, he tries to compensate for failure by acting as a hero, but the way that manifested was in prioritizing his own wants over others needs, which he learns a lesson in valuing. His return to who he actually was upon leaving the Ever After felt perfect in that light, ditching the weight he placed upon himself to be more at peace, much like Ruby had learned to do. 

There is a lot to sink your teeth into, in terms of analysis and character development. It makes the last two episodes feel strange in retrospect. My understanding is that two episodes were cut from the Volume, and it feels that way once we reached the finale. The fights were still incredible, but story elements feel rushed. Neo in particular feels extremely underdeveloped. Her backstory is briefly and barely hinted at, but as at least two commenters pointed out to me I didn’t understand what actually happened due to not reading the Roman Holiday novel. All well and good, except the show should be able to stand on its own, and it didn’t do that properly. Neo commits some heinous acts in this Volume, but I feel like that is kind of glossed over due to a rush to get to the next plot point. The lack of real anger or acknowledgement from the heroes about what she did bothered me, I won’t lie. The reveal behind Alyx was good and tied with the themes, but could have been fleshed out more in retrospect. The final fight I wish was longer as well. 

Overall a solid Volume, and one of my favorites. The ending where Vacuo’s forces arrived is a great note to end on, the promise of hope after the characters struggled through the volume with their feelings of failure and change. I wish it had more episodes to flesh out its ideas more, but I’d say it did a good job regardless.

[mediapiays]

okay now tell me the funny problematic pjms 😈😂

All jokes aside someone mentioned jmnberries but I remember when they were called out for fetishizing jimin (dollfolders too) and they just blocked the people that called them out, that’s why I don’t engage with them anymore

All of them are on private I fear 😭 if u want #real mental illness u can go follow cocopjm, never a peaceful day over there.

I didn't know all of that happened 🤔 but it could be a case of yall getting heated over people calling him cute or cunty bc I'm searching their name on twt rn and I'm not finding anything incriminating 🤷‍♀️

[frostbite-the-bat]

its funny i originally made my toon blog to not bother ppl on this blog w toontown stuff but now its like. thats my spot to be More Noral on toontown if it makes sense i feel like due to my url being cathalbravecog i must make myself presentable. people recognize me toon in-game and me as "the cathal guy" (even if i rarely talk about them now). 300ish followers isnt a whole lot but that could be a decently full server in toontown! its not a nothing number and people certainly know me. as much as my recognizability is a joke with me and my friends it's a bit stressful at times. doesnt help my paranoia (is.. that the right word...? i apologize) of saying 1 thing wrong like a fact or a opinion and that i'll be hunted down, doxxed and harassed. and rsd in general over getting a fact wrong and being informed about it.

so i try not to post there now as much and keep my more... "whiny" longer rambles here about this i guess. i feel so wrong for talking like this there and it's literally just a side blog. i don't know what (aside from the things i already mentioned) caused me to view it that way. i dunno i feel like my attempts to be more proper choke me out there.

when im more myself people ignore me, and if i do get attention on my own personal stuff or if i leave even a bit of a longer ramble on things i just get ignored or hit up w ppl i... may not be the biggest fan of, i'll be real! im sghorry i may wanna talk but wgho is this 12 yeaur old :sob:

i feel like i have this pressure on my shoulders while also not being "cool" enough. it's easy to say to ignore these things but a bit hard when you really dont have anything else going on in youre life. hot diggity dang

yea man i dunno i feel better about talking abt toontown here now... i felt similarly to my bugsnax blog as i do now except now i have an url im badly attached to, its a part of my watermark, i use this name in other places and so far i've posted all my toontown art there. man i dunno.

i guess ill try to keep that as my toontown art posting game and have occasional rambles there but have other stuff here? ugh i dont wanna reblog posts on 2 places. dude. the ppl who follow me there dont follow this and then ppl who follow this dont follow that and like man if i rb art from someone i like i want ppl to see it.

aurughhh christ almighgthly never let urself get folllouvers or try to act all proper brah

[fasa-umich]

My Experience in FASA Through Cryptic Song Lyrics <3 || Angeli Fandiño, FASA'S 2022 - 2023 Co-Social Chair

“Feels like we’ve been through war together. Feels like you’ve been right here forever. But I don’t even know you at all.” - I Don’t Know You At All, Lizzy McAlpine

bucket hat baby!

Before my college career, I genuinely had no concept of what it meant to be Filipino. I grew up thinking that being Filipino was just a fact of life—it wasn’t my identity. I only knew some Filipino dishes, I had only been to the Philippines twice in my lifetime, and (surprise surprise) I couldn’t speak Tagalog. If you asked me who I was while I was still in high school, I would’ve responded with adjectives like athletic, musical, funny, or stubborn. My Filipino culture was always a part of me subconsciously, but it was never an aspect of my personality that I found worthy of conversation with people outside of my immediate family. It was much easier to acknowledge my Filipino heritage through jokes about the brownness of my skin or by contributing to my classmates’ ill comments on Asian stereotypes. I often look back at the person I was throughout my childhood and wish that I hadn’t been so indifferent to learning about my culture, but that’s why I am now so grateful that FASA has given me this opportunity to explore the part of identity that I had once suppressed for so long. 

“You gave me a meaning to my life, yes, I’ve gone beyond existing. And it all began when I met you.” - When I Met You, APO Hiking Society

“OMG LOOK, it’s Greenwood—the super cool, underground but upcoming Filipino American cover band at U of M that performs a wide range of genres from OPM to R&B and indie rock!!!” – real anonymous gen mem

When I first joined FASA, I’ll admit that I originally felt obligated to because of how involved my older sister Bea was. I already knew a majority of Bea’s friends, so joining FASA was more of a “why not?” situation than it was a “how could I pass this up?” opportunity. My thinking quickly shifted though at Fall Mass Meeting last year. I vividly remember the boba push with my small group after the event and traversing as a large Filipino clan from Rackham to Ding Tea. I think this was honestly one of the first times in my life that I had hung out with Asian people outside of my family. It sounds soo cliche, but it was on that walk that I started to feel different about my Fil-Am identity. I remember how welcoming and conversational everyone was and how eager we all were to learn each other's names. Never had I ever thought that I could find a community so fast, let alone in a demographic of people that I once wanted nothing to do with. From that day on, I involved myself in every FASA event that my busy schedule would allow, and I’ve made friendships here that I know will last a lifetime. 

“This weight’s too much alone. Some days I can’t hold it at all; you take it on for me. When tomorrow’s too much, I’ll carry it all, I got you.” - I Got You, Jack Johnson

my lovely e-board family &lt;3

Confession time! Even though I was elected for Social Chair this year, I actually only went to a grand total of 2 out of the 7 social events as a freshman (half of Fall Mass Meeting, Fall FAM/Lin Reveal, and [not even] half of FAM Games). This was quite frustrating because almost all of the major events I missed were due to scheduling conflicts or prior commitments. I thought that I was “falling behind” in making friends in FASA because I had been so used to that high school mindset of “establish a friend group and stick to it.” However, I could not have been more naive. I eventually learned that although FASA can look like a large or intimidating community at a glance, it quickly becomes family. FASA has taught me that anyone and everyone is welcome here, whether you are Filipino by blood or Filipino by love (#FACT2022). 

This is why I wanted to run for Social Chair last year (aside from the fact that Amanda had been planting seeds since Day 1 and I’m an easily convincible person); I wanted to cater towards the members of FASA who, maybe like me, also had packed schedules and could only attend a small handful of social events. With every event I put on, I wanted to create an environment where new faces would feel safe to be themselves and eventually call FASA home. Of course, I wouldn’t have been able to attempt any of this vision without this incredible board and especially the following people…

“Cause we’re okay, we’re fine. Baby I’m here to stop your crying… Adding up the total of a love that’s true, multiply life by the power of two.” - Power of Two, Indigo Girls

Bea (left), appearing age: 14; Angeli (right), appearing age: older?

(Ate) Bea: Thank you for introducing me to this home away from home. Thank you for letting me have the same friends as you and follow you around at FASA events whenever I would get anxious. I’ve definitely said a whole Senior Farewell speech about how much you mean to me, so you can refer to that again if you want to be reminded of more warm n fuzzies 🥱. But honestly, in high school, I wish I had a better appreciation for what it meant that you were a single Performance Chair who choreographed PCN and choreographed/competed in Battle, and the fact that you were Co-President during an entirely virtual school year is nothing to gloss over either. I might be a little late to the game, but I’m very proud and impressed of all that you accomplished within FASA. Thank you for leading by example of how to embrace my Fil-Am self, and I’m so glad we could share this community together. 

Me and Mandy at the intern event last year &lt;3

Amanda: I’ll never forget how you recruited me to FASA before I even set foot on campus as a freshman. We were at Lucas’ grad party over the summer, we were standing by the dunk tank, and the conversation went something like this…

Amanda: Hey! Are you Bea’s sister? I’m Amanda, Sam’s cousin!

Me: Oh yes I am! Hi, nice to meet you!

Amanda: I’m the social chair. You should join FASA.

Me: ..Okay.

FAST FORWARD >> It’s a little bit over a year ago today, and the scene is set in one of the union basement booths (duh)...

Amanda: Hey are you running for board?

Me: Uhhh maybe, I’m not sure yet. I was thinking about it.

Amanda: You should run for social chair.

Me: Okay.

If you had not planted these seeds, I would not be here! You’ve been a major support system to me in FASA since, quite literally, Day 0. I know I can always count on you for honest advice and just a shoulder to lean on. Thank you for showing Andrew and I the ropes of being socials and never getting (visibly) annoyed at our many questions or concerns. I simply could not have pictured my FASA experience, let alone my time as social, without you <3. See you at the next lin hang! Haha get it cuz–

Alyssa and JC: Hey slays. I just wanted to pop in here and say that I think we finally squashed the beef this year (#walangbeef). This “socials vs culturals” war has gone on long enough, and I thank you guys for constantly being an open ear and available resource in all the events Andrew and I put on this year. Andrew and I might’ve grumbled at first at the idea of implementing elements of culture into every social event, but you helped us find ways to make it fun and intentional. I’m constantly amazed at the duo you guys are, as real recognizes real 🤝. I have really enjoyed working with you guys on board this year, and I am so proud of the work we accomplished together. Cheers to no more beef ❌🥩🥂

Sophia Grace Samson: you are so wrong for that angelisa pic. even though you were not too kind to me in your own testimonial, i’ve decided to turn the other cheek (heh) and write you a nice poem anyway. ahem…

Roses are red 🌹,

Violets are blue 🫐,

To my favorite nickels 🪙 ,

I’m so glad I met you 🥰 

here’s to more waffle house adventures, nickel debriefs, and trips to urgent care!

xoxo,  

foop

“Caught you cryin’ cuz you be jealous. Don’t be whinin’ if you wanna be us 😎” - [REDACTED], Andreli

your friendly neighborhood social chairs, Andreli ����️🕸️

Andrew: Story time! For anyone who doesn’t know, the first time Andrew and I met was not a positive experience (yes I am going to expose the both of us here). Andrew and I had dm’d a bit over the summer because Bea and Mango (hi mom, hi dad) suggested we become friends going into the school year to have a familiar face on campus. After maybe a couple weeks of chatting, I kinda ghosted Andrew (oops) and we didn’t end up meeting until the first day of Tagalog. Ate Irene had asked everyone why we all wanted to learn Filipino, and Andrew answered with, “I’m tired of my parents talking about me behind my back.” Everyone laughed, but apparently he looked over at me and I had a “scary,” unamused, dead expression. I was planning on introducing myself after class, but he immediately zipped out of the room and I thought to myself, “wow rude,” just to find out later that it was because he was scared of me! But wowow, fast-forward 19 months later, and here we are… 

Mannn, you already know that I couldn’t have done this job with anybody else. There are so many little traditions that I’m going to miss as co’s: post-meeting jam sessions, CAPS massage chairs, our outro + tagline, and just sitting for hours in the Union Panera bouncing off ideas until our brains are completely fried. Even though we always joke we’re the exact same person, I’ve learned a lot from you this year. You taught me how to never doubt myself and always give 110% into whatever I care about. You also taught me that although we are both perfectionists, nothing is ever going to go according to the original plan. We had to be alert yet composed at all times, which was never an easy task. As tiring of a position as Social Chair is, I never felt like either one of us settled with an event. We held each other accountable while understanding how to take space when needed. All of the ambitious and elaborate events we’ve pulled off continue to amaze me and make me proud of our tenure together. From planning a whole scavenger hunt and escape room to forming a real band with Greenwood (shoutout to Catrina, our third og member), I’m really amazed at the team we’ve become. Thanks for always keeping my ego in check, for becoming one of my best friends, and for being the best co I could ask for. Action items: GenAPA, be mush, and finish writing our album!

To the future Social Chairs: Simply put, this position and your time on board is whatever you make it to be. The biggest piece of advice I have for you is to never forget your “why”-- why did you run for social chair, what is the impact you want to leave on this community, and how are you going to do so? It’s easy to think that as a social chair, you have to constantly go above and beyond, always innovating and creating until you burn yourself out. Something I wish I knew at the beginning of the year was that although it can be fun to constantly invent new ideas, FASA can always use more laidback, chill events too. Remember, you facilitate da vibes. It doesn’t always have to be “go big or go home.” Just be there for your general members and they’ll see that you care <3. Be alert, don’t be too prideful to ask for help, pivot on the fly, and trust in your co. I’m very excited to see what you guys accomplish next year, and I will happily be here for support if you ever need anything!

awww yeahhhh!!

To FASA: A lot of other people joke that my only personality trait nowadays is being Filipino, but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank you for being the community that has taught me how to be my most honest and unapologetic self. You’ve been responsible for the most meaningful aspects of my college experience thus far, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. It’s been a pleasure being your Social Chair this year, and I’ll see you around!

Signing off for now, your friendly neighborhood Social Chair, 

Angeli <3

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