#all jokes aside I do love Alfred. why do I keep writing him

[alfredosauce50]

unpopular opinion, but I actually like Alfred a lot despite the fact that he's usually portrayed as a crazy psycho ✨️

i rlly connect to his flaws and insecurities, so it makes it easier for me to empathize with his character.

(PS: As much as I'm love your headcanons of Allen, my older sibling acts exactly like him, so it becomes a bit of a turn-off 😭😭)

He has his own good traits but I like to joke about him being a piece of work cuz it’s funny (and true)

Alfred is just really good at making things happen. He may or may not be the hero or villain, but he’s in his own league. Everyone else can mesh in well with each other but he drives the plot with pure willpower. We can say he’s always the ‘cause’ but not always for a good one 😅 So he’s a really important character

(Allen is meant to be an older brother figure so romance may or may not always work out 👀)

[iguana-eyanna]

The Blood Within Us Chapter 9

Summary: Will the reader do whatever it takes to protect the ones she loves when tragedy hits the Wayne family? How far will the truth be tested when she realizes she’s not the only one with secrets of her own?

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x Pregnant Reader

Warning: accident, mentions of miscarriage (does not happen), antagonizing journalists (should it be a warning?), risk of health

The sun crept in the bedroom, making you frown as you flutter your eyes. For a second, you thought you were in the manor, basking in the warmth with your fiance.

But, you were just in your son's apartment.

Jason has been so patient with you, as this was the fifth day of crashing in his space. Even if he insisted that you can stay as long as you need to, your son needs to start living his life.

That's what you thought for all of them. Dick has been stopping by more often to check how you are, even bringing over your personal items. You get texts from Damian, checking how his little sibling is to take your mind off of things. Tim hasn't returned your calls, but you understood he needed some space after he learned of your lineage.

Keeping a secret like that was such a burden, no wonder why he's been losing sleep these past weeks.

Alfred rang you up a few times, apologizing in every call, but you reassured him that he did nothing wrong.

It was someone else who should be apologizing.

Bruce hasn't contacted you in any way. This was typical of him when something bad happens, always staying his distance until he's ready.

You push that thought aside as you get up from the bed, wanting to satisfy your hunger. You then start working on breakfast quietly as Jason was still sleeping on the couch.

With the groceries you got this week, you start making Jason's favorite breakfast you used to make when he was a kid: banana pecan pancakes.

The waft of the scent stirs Jason in his sleep as he shoots his head up to the kitchen.

"Is that what I think it is?" He asks.

You smile at him as you start placing the pancakes on the table.

"Your favorite! You better come over here before I eat them all." You joke.

He smiles brightly as he jumps from his lying position and runs fast into the kitchen. He gives you a side hug as he steals the first plate in your hand. You both laugh at his antics as you both made your way to sit at the small dining table.

"Where did Dick go? I almost made blueberry pancakes but his things were gone." You ask Jason as you took a bite of your food.

He gulps down his food to reply. "Said he was taking a jog around the block. But he says he can meet you for lunch at your work." You nod your head as you gulp down a glass of water.

"Speaking of work, I need to grab my phone. I lost it sometime last night. One of my designers sent some sketches to my email awhile ago and I need to view them quickly." Jason stops what he's doing and appears guilty.

"I haven't seen it." he says, clearly lying.

You give him a stern look, so you get up to search it yourself. Jason is hot at your tail till you see it hidden under scraps of discarded books on the small coffee table.

You turn to your son with your phone in your hand.

"Why did you hide my phone, Jay?" you ask.

He scratches the back of his neck, but he gives a defeated sigh.

"Some dumb blog has been writing about you and Bruce, and it's not really pretty. I didn't want it to upset you." He says.

You exhale as every time Bruce's name was called out, your heart broke a little.

"Let me be the judge of that, but you're right. I don't need some gossip site to tear me down than the mess I already am.

"You're not a mess, ma. You're still healing and that takes time. Don't think you owe anyone an apology for what you're feeling" You smile at him as you tussle his hair.

"How did you grow up so much?" you ask. He casually shrugs his shoulders.

"Guess I've been hanging around you and Alfred a lot. Go get ready, I'll get dressed so I could drop you to work."

You smile at him as you turned around to get dressed too. Once you're both prepared, you go down the stairs to where the car was parked.

After you both say goodbye in front of your work, you head towards your office. Work hit you without caution as you attended a meeting to plan for this year's fall and winter line. You begin walking back to your designers and attended international calls. Once your break starts, you head back to your office.

Feeling curious, you use your computer to search about that article Jason was talking about. You felt disgusted how the paparazzi took photos of you without you knowing while you were doing errands. But, that was the price to pay when you were affiliated with Bruce Wayne.

You then hear a knock on the door and see Dick in his jogging gear.

"Hey, mom. Ready for lunch?" he asks brightly.

You smile at him as you get up from your chair. "Soon, but first... I wanted to talk to you about something."

You motion for him to sit on the lounge couch as you head there too.

You give him a serious look before you begin to speak.

"I've been thinking about this a lot and I want you to answer truthfully. Is it true that you want to apply to the police academy?"

He widens his eyes before he looks down for a bit.

"You found my application..." he says, his tone dropping.

You place your hand on his shoulder.

"A blank one. I just want to know what made you consider doing it." He doesn't hear a tone of dismay, so replies back.

“After my parents…” he said hesitantly, not wanting to state those words out of his mouth. You saw him distraught and grabbed his hand, soothing it for support. “I swore that I wouldn’t let that happen to any other kid. If I want justice for others, I want to do it right… So I'm applying for the police academy this fall.”

You stare at him for a bit and held your hand to his face. “I know that it means a lot to you to make your own path, so you have my support Dick. I’m so proud of you and know that your parents are too.” he started tearing up and gave you the biggest hug. He chuckled a bit and released a shaky breath.

“Whew, I don’t know why but I was worried you wouldn’t agree. You don't know how much this means to me.” you shake your head and rub his shoulder. “You’re your own person honey. Not me or your father should decide what you want in life and how to live it.”

Dick had a sad smile just as you mentioned Bruce. “Speaking of dad, do you think he’ll approve?” You give a big sigh as you fiddled with the pillow near you. “I can’t speak for him right now, but I think it's best to talk to him as soon as possible.”

He sees his mother’s distress, seeing how their separation has taken a toll on her health. "You read those articles, didn't you?"

You take a deep breath as you look at your computer.

"It just makes me sick. Wish I could get away from the press."

Dick turns to you and tries to brighten the mood “Why don’t we go for lunch? I think your favorite cafe is open if I'm not mistaken.” he said gleefully. You turned around to face him and gave the warmest smile.

“I would love that. Just head down to the exit while I close the office. It shouldn’t take me more than ten minutes to meet you there.” He gives you a nod as he helps you get up from the couch, kissing your temple.

As five minutes pass, you reach down to the bottom drawer of your desk, trying to find your wallet. You hear the door swing open, but only thinking it was Dick. “Honey, I think I misplaced my wallet. Do you mind turning off the monitor while I-” You face up not facing your son, but someone you have least expected to see. “Bruce.”

You couldn’t fathom that he was here with you in the same room existing at the same time. He shaved his beard and cut his hair, looking like the last time you saw him at the gala. Bruce begins to stammer. “I… uh… went for a drive after my meeting. Somehow I came here, I wanted to check on you.”

You look down and rub your protruding belly, a habit you started to do for quite some time. “I’m fine… I was going to lunch with Dick down the block.” you said quickly, now finding your wallet and leaving quickly with Bruce behind you. “Please, I want to make this-” he said, trying to gently grab your hand, but you resent his touch.

“What Bruce, make it right?! Like these past few days never existed after telling me our whole relationship was based on a lie?"

You were thankful enough that the whole office space was empty so no one could hear your argument.

"We need to resolve this, paparazzi have been banging on my door and I'm afraid they'll come to you next."

You scoff as you stare at him, fuming. "Don't you think I know?"

You see him stare at your side.

"There are pictures of you without your ring." he says in a whisper

You look down at your left hand, realizing. "My hand has been swelling since the pregnancy started. I never had the time to get it resized. But, maybe it's a good thing I'm not wearing it now."

Bruce doesn't break eye contact with you.

"What are you insinuating?" He asks.

You stay silent for a moment, trying to find an answer. "Maybe we don't know each other too well to get married." you said, looking away.

"You promised me that the lies will stop, but you’re still keeping secrets… it’s too much for me to even fathom to forgive you right now.”

You distance yourself between him, leaning on a nearer desk for support “Sometimes you make me feel like I can’t breathe…” you said as you gasped lightly, still trembling from the tears streaming down your face.

Bruce looks down in shame. He closes up to you, wanting to hold you in his arms like he did when he returned home, but you wouldn't allow it.

Was this the moment that he lost you?

Both of you shoot up and see Dick out of breath.

"The paps are here... we need to go now." Dick ordered as he grabbed your hand to the exit. Bruce took no hesitation and pursued behind to ensure your safety. Once you exit, flashing cameras and microphones blind your view as you try to get to your car.

Dick lost his grip on you, as he fared off in the crowd. You feel Bruce's hand placed on the small spot on your back, trying not to lose you.

“Bruce, I can’t…. Breathe…” you said as loud as you could, but the reporters shout obnoxious questions, ordering you to answer. Bruce tries to stay close to you, but the swarm of people overpowered.

You don't know how, but the overcrowding must have lost your balance, making your body collapsed on the floor very abrupt. You groan in pain as your hands quickly go to your stomach.

Bruce screams out your name, holding your body. He glares at all of the prying eyes around him, shouting around to move away or else. Once every cleared a path, Dick sees you in Bruce’s arms as he tries to soothe your sudden cries. “Mom! What happened?” he said running, kneeling to see what happened. Bruce quickly looks up to Dick.

“She fell, she must have impacted on her abdomen. Start the car, we need to go to the hospital.” No time was wasted as Bruce handed his son his keys. Dick sees the car not too far from here and starts the ignition while Bruce was behind carrying you safely and sat in the back of the passenger seat, your body never leaving his arms.

Dick drives like there's no tomorrow as you cried in Bruce's chest.

"The baby... I can't lose..."

"You're going to be alright." Bruce whispered repeatedly in your ear, silently praying for any God to make sure you and the baby were alright.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Where's Ma?" Jason screamed in the waiting room as he heard about your episode from 2 hours ago. He would have arrived sooner if he wasn't working on a solo project. Dick got up from his seat and went up to his younger brother. "She's stable for now. Doctor's did an emergency scan on her, the baby is alright for now. Her room is five doors down on the left, Bruce is watching her." Jason shook his head in disbelief.

"Everything was fine this morning...." Dick looked down "Mom may have a rough few months carrying the baby to full term. Bruce came out when she began to sleep and explained everything."

Jason glanced at the direction where her room was and muttered under his breath "What an expert he is.” Before he could take one step, Dick held his shoulder and forced Jason to look at him. "I know you're mad at him, we all are after what he did to her. But right now is not the time to be angry. He’s a mess ever since he’s been by her side, I think that’s punishment enough" Jason clenched his jaw, but nodded in agreement to his older brother and made his way.

Jason took a deep breath and slowly opened the door to the hospital room. He saw Bruce holding her hand tightly in his sitting figure as they were both asleep. He felt almost content by his adoptive father’s action.

When he was about to leave, a voice whispered out loud, "Could you get the blanket near the end of the bed? She's getting a bit cold." He recognized it as his father's and turned around and saw him half awake. Jason walked quietly to the bed and quietly tucked his mother like how she did for him many years ago. Jason takes a seat on the opposite side of Bruce, facing his mom.

“Alfred was running errands when I called, he picked up Tim and Damian back at the manor to see your mother when she wakes up. She needs her rest after today.” Jason finally exhaled in relief.

Jason took the seat opposite to Bruce, staring at his mother in disbelief. The room was silent, the only noise that was made was the heart monitor. Jason looked up to him, wanting to yell or cuss him out for destroying the few people in his life to care for him. Bruce slowly turned his gaze to you as your breathing was silently blissful.

"I know you been to Blüdhaven these past nights when you're off patrol." Jason said lowly, not wanting to disrupt the calm silence.

Jay looks up to Bruce who's eyes never left you. "Why didn't you just go to her?"

Bruce takes a moment to answer. "I don't know." Bruce whispers under his breath.

Jason then gets up and looks back again to his parents.

"If you loved her, you should have stayed. None of this would have happened." Jason stated as he left the room.

All of the boys including Alfred were in the waiting room, waiting for you to wake up. Bruce who was staring sadly at your sleeping figure.

“I never got to apologize.” Bruce started as he spoke out loud to you.

“Not for this past week, but for these ten years...” His eyes start to water, regretting all the hurt he caused you. “-wanting to be with you for intel, not telling you sooner of what I do, sending Dick away without your consent, losing Jason, straining your love with Tim, you getting mad that I had Damian while we were still together, all of it."

He inches his chair closer to you "Most of all, I allowed myself to slowly let you go. I thought that the best thing to keep everyone safe was if I left but I was wrong: Alfred, the boys, you, our baby-” he places his palm on your abdomen

“You are the source of my happiness, the light in the most darkest part of my life; I can’t go on if I was the source of your pain. I promise you, no more hiding anything.” He collapses to your side, burying his face on the mattress. He feels a hand slowly reaching out to him and sees you awake.

You don't get a word out as Bruce launched into your arms, sobbing in your hair. He feels you soothing his back as you cry as well.

He lets go and moves the hair out of your eyes.

"You meant all of those things?" You ask as Bruce starts to wipe away your tears with his thumb.

"Every word." he whispers back.

You hear the door opening and see your family flooding in the room.

"Mom!" Tim screamed out as he speeds up to your bed, hugging you tightly. Your tears return again, but happy ones as you reunite with all of your sons.

Damian then walks to your side opposite of Tim, sitting on your bed.

"How's the baby?" he asks sincerely.

Tim lets go of you as you sit properly in your bed.

"When they did the scan earlier, the baby is fine. They said they'll stop by once I woke up."

You can hear the relief in the room as everyone calmed down.

"You know, you can press charges to all of those paps." Dick said, crossing his arms across your chest.

You and Bruce share a glance. "I'm not wanting to mix myself in that drama at this moment. The baby is healthy, that's all I care about right now." you replied.

Bruce already looks like he's going to handle that situation in his personal time, but he stands closer to your bed for your support.

A nurse steps into the room and sees how filled it is.

"I guess this is a family affair." she joked as she went up to you.

"How we feeling, mom?" the nurse asks as she preps up the sonogram.

"A lot better now, I don't feel any pain." you reply.

The nurse takes out the gel and starts placing it on your belly.

"Good! Don't be alarmed that a bruise may form around the abdomen." she reminds you as she starts taking the wand and moves it around your belly.

When the scan lights up, everyone stares in disbelief at the growing baby.

You suddenly feel Bruce's hand into yours as he stares at his child on the screen. His breathing got hitched from how big they're getting from the last sonogram picture that was given to him.

"The placenta isn't ruptured, but we would like to have you stay overnight in case something were to happen. On the other hand, it seems that the baby isn't shy today. Would you like to know the gender?" she asks.

You gasp as you brightly look at Bruce.

"I'm ready if you are." you ask, smiling. He nods his head yes and you turn to your nurse.

"Congratulations, you're having a baby girl." she announced.

All of the boys cheered out, taking out their phones.

"I told you it was a girl." Dick said to Tim as he looked annoyed.

"Wait, did you all took bets?" you turn to your children who paused in front of you.

"We're not the only ones who took bets." Jason said, seeing Roy Harper venmo him on his phone.

"I don't even want to know how much you all lost." Bruce said seriously, making them all laugh out loud.

The nurse takes the wand away and looks at the full room. "Okay, all of you need to leave to give mom some rest. Only one person can stay overnight." The nurse said, turning off the machine.

Bruce looks down at you, possibly pleading with his eyes to allow him to stay.

You nod your head slowly and agree. The boys said their farewells to you as well as Alfred who pressed a kiss to your head.

The nurse told Bruce that the nearby couch was a makeshift bed as she did her last task.

Once you were alone, you and Bruce stay in silence.

"I heard from the conversation you had with Jason, that you went to Blüdhaven?" you ask out loud.

Bruce takes a seat at the foot of your bed, staring at you.

"I had a feeling that you would stay with one of the kids, so I sought out Jay's place. I didn't see you, but I knew you were there."

You look at your hands on your lap, picking on a cuticle.

"You're still Batman..." you whispered to yourself, feeling your throat close up.

"I know how the cowl makes you feel, but if you say that-" You cut Bruce off, looking at him with a look.

"Batman isn't the problem, it's you keeping secrets from your family. I know that I had my secret about my father, but it was because he was barely in my life. All he did was give my mother a bank account under my name and never looked back. After you left, I realized I needed someone to take out my demons and went to Arkham. I needed to breathe and it was the only place to do so."

Bruce ponders from your words. "What if I told you there's a place for you to do so?"

He scoots closer to your sitting figure. "The place I stayed for the past months, it's a small cabin my father bought before I was born. We can go there. Any questions you want from me, I'll answer them."

"Any questions?" you ask skeptically.

Bruce takes his hand into yours again. "Any, don't feel like you have to pull back. Day or night, I'll answer truthfully."

"Okay, after I'm discharged, we'll head out there." you reply.

You see Bruce bright up a bit as he kisses your knuckles.

"Thank you." he says softly

You give him a smile, suddenly yawning.

"Go to sleep, I'll step out for a moment to call Alfred to make arrangements for our trip."

You nod as you begin to lie on your side, as you see Bruce walking away as he took his phone out.

You trust that he's going to make everything up to you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dent, you have a call." a nurse says through the cell.

Two Face flips his coin, muttering to himself to either answer or decline the call.

He calls out tales to answer, and sees the metal land on tales.

He gets up and walks with the nurse in tow to the telephone.

His hands pick up the phone and places it on the side of his ear that wasn't scarred.

"Who is this?" Harvey asks a bit roughly.

"Mr. Dent, this is Bruce Wayne."

Harvey is off guard, but recollects himself.

"What do you want? I don't need to be a charity case for whatever you're scheming." Harvey bites back.

"It's about your daughter, Mr. Dent." Bruce said, looking at the small window that connected to your room.

The half scarred man forgets to breathe for a moment. "So you know... what happened?"

"There was an accident, her and the baby are fine now. I'm going to take her away from the city for a bit, help her breathe."

Harvey chuckles to himself. "You come back from the dead just to be her shining knight. Is that why you're calling, to tell me that all she needs is you?"

Bruce hesitates for a second. "I know you care for her, sir. She hasn't explained the entirety of her upbringing yet, but I know you're the only living family she has left. That's why I was wondering if I could have your permission to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. I know I asked her prior, but I wanted to do it right this time."

The nurse behind hims signals that he only has a few minutes left of his call.

"I have no right to give you permission. I was barely in her life, she's the only one to give you an answer. But... take care of her. Do what I couldn't."

Bruce sees you sleeping through the window, admiring your soft features.

"I promise, sir."

Harvey sniffs, trying to ignore the sting in his eyes.

"You're one hell of a kid, Wayne, Just like your father. Worked with him prior before you were born, smart man and cared about everyone. He'll be proud."

Bruce didn't have time to register what he just said as the line goes silent. He must have run out of time or chose those to be his last parting words.

All he could do was look up to the ceiling, hoping that his late father is proud of him.

But some part of him thought he had a long way to go.

taglist:

@elizamalfoyy

[kallulovesu]

Heyooo :) can you do headcannons for a platonic yandere allies ?? Am aroace so that's the kind that floats my boat, also do you ever feel tired of writing ?? Like .. ur so productive, it's awsome but like .. I hope ur doing it cuz u have energy not cuz you have followers waiting 😬 take care Plz ❤❤🥺

For the anon that asked that yandere reader ask, thx u inspired this ask ur idea is rad :3

(A/N:) ahh thank you for the worry anon, but it’s no problem really!💞 I wouldn’t be making as much content if I wasn’t having any fun, since it’ll probably end up feeling more like chore...and I hate doing chores 😭

That one protective friend that makes sure to check up on you every second (but it’s turned up to the extreme and downright becomes unhealthy in some cases)™

It was ironic to him. Out everyone that he had gotten to know over all these years— hell, perhaps even Arthur; you were the only one he felt like understood him the most. Not many seemed to notice what was going on beneath the surface of his facade, which was why he appreciated you being there. You still liked him despite the many flaws that he had, and tried your best being with him even if it became downright tiring. Alfred would be heavily dependent on you because of this, often going to you to cheer him up— or before he was going to make a rash choice.

So it was only natural that he couldn’t see himself being without you.

You were like a best friend to him; Alfred would even go as far as to say that he felt a familial connection between the two of you. So the deep desire to protect you was normal, wasn’t it? Even when he felt himself worrying for your well-being at even the slightest approach of a stranger, it was just his instinct telling him that there was something wrong. It wasn’t anything unhealthy. Thus, would usually drag you away from anyone that he found to be suspicious; even those he was already familiar with. This would probably result in a lot of arguments, with him trying to say what was ‘best for you’ and with you denying that you needed this much...protection. You swore that it almost felt like he was just isolating you from the others, to have you purely depend on him for whatever reason you couldn’t make up.

Alfred can’t handle being apart from you— nonetheless the idea of you being angry with him, or even hating him . It truly didn’t matter if the reason was rather ridiculous or not, the idea of you hating him just...made his stomach churn uncomfortably. You were his best buddy, and basically one of the only ones he could trust with his inner worries; and the risk of it all being taken away from him because of a silly, childish mistake was all it took to send the poor boy into a state of panic. Please don’t leave him, he’d do anything to keep you there with him. Begging, gifting— you name it.

Arthur didn’t completely seem to realize his feelings at first, confusing it with romantic attraction for a little while— before quickly seeming to realize that it was all purely platonic. He did feel a bit protective of you, maybe even possessive...but it had nothing to do with romance, nor lust. It was just him wanting to have someone beside him, someone that he could call a friend. And someone that would never leave his side.

It won’t be hard to notice how...bad his communication skills were; with him often saying things that he didn’t really mean and slightly setting you off. Arthur is stubborn, so it may take some time (and slight teasing at how much he hesitated) for him to actually apologize. You’ll probably get used to it after a while, since he’s one big tsundere.

Saying this out loud was an absolute no-no for this man— but you being around Arthur was often enough to make him the slightest bit happier. It felt a bit lonely at times, especially with less and less people being around him these past few years. So having you as a friend almost felt like a breath of fresh air.

He’s very critical of those you choose to be around with, often analyzing even the smallest of things so he can determine if they’re actually worth being around you. Which more often than not ends up... not being the case. Arthur will tell you to stay away from them; saying that they were suspicious, and probably had something bad in mind. He’ll resort to isolating you if you were to disobey him, trying to take as much of your attention— and perhaps even kidnapping you if the extreme were to happen. You were his one and only best friend, and he had to make sure you were safe. Always.

Totally the big brother type...well, he usually proclaims himself as being one, so it isn’t that much of a surprise.

Francis will make sure to absolutely pamper you with his attention; hanging out with you, sending letters whenever he was too busy...and simply sending gifts from France. He simply couldn’t let you go off feeling unloved!

He adores talking about you; usually going off on a mindless ramble whenever someone even mentions your name, like a proud father showing off his child. Others will usually compare him to one due to how much he adores talking about you— or simply the way that he treats you. Which would quickly be disregarded with a: “oh, I’m no father! They’re just such a nice little friend to have around, who wouldn’t want to praise such a delicate person?”

On a second note....he actually did feel like a father figure to you. Huh.

Francis will often suggest helping you out with your love life, perhaps even gushing over cute guys together that you found on a random dating app— before quickly realizing that he didn’t really want this. Those silly moments were fun and all, but having you talk with someone that could just be out to use you made him a bit angry...and paranoid, mainly the latter. He will make sure that anyone that even so much dares to get close you first gets his approval first. The feeling of a broken heart was all too familiar to him, and he didn’t want you to experience such a thing.

This may result in him checking up on you...an awful lot, making sure that those around you were only the best of the best and wouldn’t end up being bad influence to you. Yes, he truly was like a father.

A sibling-like person in his life that he didn’t feel insecure against and acknowledged him as his own person? Fuck yes!!

Jokes aside— Matthew really does care deeply for you. Perhaps it was due to the Canadian barely having those that he could...truly call close friends, so having you around almost felt like a blessing. Unlike Francis, he won’t really show you off or talk about you much, especially around his brother. The American had already stolen enough from him, so why would he let something like that happen again?

He’s extremely wary of anyone that even so much tries to make a move on you. It’s just...you were someone that he held extremely dear; and having you potentially getting hurt due to some lowlife that managed to slip into your life would absolutely break his heart. Matthew didn’t want to fail in protecting you, he would never forgive himself if something like that were to happen.

Losing you is something that he wishes to avoid completely. He’ll even go as far as kidnapping you if it came down to it, Matthew just couldn’t see himself living happily without you by his side.

Yao likes cute things...and you’re a cute friend, so it’s a perfect match!

But seriously, he thinks that you’re absolutely adorable. Whether it be because of your personality— or your appearance, it really doesn’t end up mattering in the end. You’re his cute little friend, and that’s all that matters!

He’ll often treat you with more, yet gentler care than most of the others around him. He knew that you were well capable of taking care of yourself; but he just couldn’t help but see you as something fragile, something that he had to protect. So you can already imagine how frustrated he gets when someone treats you with even the slightest bit of disrespect— Yao will often confront them immediately, while you awkwardly have to sit back and watch it all. Almost feeling pity for the person that had to endure your friend’s seemingly never-ending complaints.

Oh, he probably doesn’t quite realize how he comes off as a father at times; seeing how much he’ll scold you for the smallest mistakes (while making sure to correct you of course!) and how he usually made decisions for you, making it hard to refuse his gestures due to his pushy nature. But it’ll probably become a normal thing for the two of you as time progresses, since it’s just...how Yao was, you assumed.

His controlling behavior will also reflect on how he treats your personal life. Yao is very selective of who he lets you be around with, so he’ll often look at your acquaintances and friends with a very critical eye, immediately expressing his distaste in them if they were even to do the smallest thing wrong. “Such a brute isn’t worth being around, (y/n).” Yao will warn you to stay away from them, but won’t bring it up any further if you decide to do what he says. If you don’t then...well, he had special friends to help him out with his dirtier work.

Yao might consider kidnapping you if this behavior keeps on repeating, but won’t feel compelled to actually do it unless something bad were to happen.

Ivan will always try his best to be there for you! While it most likely won’t quite work with him being a rather busy person; a country, nonetheless, but he’ll do his upmost best. It was extremely hard for Ivan to make friends that...weren’t scared of him or secretly disliked him, so having you was such a relief!

Being his only friend, he’ll make sure to be absolutely devoted to you— perhaps in a way that wasn’t too healthy in a friendship, and would often be looked down upon by those looking at your relationship from an outsider’s perspective. But could one truly blame him? Ever since he was born it felt like everyone around him were either toying with him, or were utterly terrified of the boy expect for his two sisters. It was lonely...so it isn’t hard to imagine how overjoyed he was once having you in his life; someone that didn’t display the usual fright whenever he approached them, nor did you look like you were out to hurt him.

Ivan appreciated you a lot.

It wasn’t hard to imagine that you’d most likely become the target of a few other countries, your connection with Ivan wasn’t extremely hidden from the outside world... (from how much he’d senselessly mutter things about you when daydreaming, and the many times he stuck by your side) and so, others would take it to their advantage. Those like Alfred will probably try convince you to leave Ivan’s side, spewing terrifying stories of the man to try and stir up something inside of you so you could leave him. It was mainly for your own safety, yes. But it was also to make the Russian weaker. It was obvious that he was depending on you heavily, and losing you would...god forbid if that would ever happen. Ivan would completely lose himself, perhaps even snapping completely.

So don’t hesitate to tell Ivan if someone was bothering you! Ivan will make sure to get rid of the little parasite from your life in an instant, giving them a short warning whenever the two come across each other...and making sure that he got his point across! It’s better to ignore their sudden disappearance after that day, since someone like them wasn’t worth lingering in your mind.

[fanficsandfluff]

The Snyder Cut: Headcanons (mostly of the tickly nature)

Bruce Wayne (Batman) ~ Batfleck, my love

He’s such a lover boy, and I can say that though I don’t exactly know how to explain what I mean. You just gotta understand.

He cares so strongly about EVERYONE. e v e r y o n e. Alfred, fucking loves the guy, jokes with him. The fucking “This is Alfred, I work for him.” MY MAN, STOP!

I think he just really wants to get along with everyone and wants everyone to get along in general.

But he lowkey crushes on Diana (at least in his mind, he’s keeping it lowkey, but we all see what’s happening)

I love the idea of this big hunk of a man getting soft with someone like Diana. 

She makes him genuinely laugh this one time by saying something funny, and then they’re both laughing together. 

Bruce definitely has one of those laughs where he throws his head back and shit and you can see his like Adam’s apple bobbing and everything.

But that’s if he’s really laughing.

And he has loud “HA”’s that are like really short but loud and then he kinda just snickers to himself for a while, holding his stomach.

And dude, the scene in freaking uhh… i think it’s BvS I’m not 100% (maybe i fucking imagined it who knows) where she like comes over to him and is fixing his wound….. tickle scenario hand picked from the gods right there

I can see a whole, “Woah!” from Bruce when Diana traces her fingers on some sensitive skin. And that Gal Godot smile is on her in an INSTANT. 

Bruce will laugh if he’s with the right person. Like I headcanon that if he’s being tickled, he will laugh if it’s done by Diana or Barry, then like he’ll be forced to laugh if it’s Clark bc he overpowers the poor bat, but then he just has these hilarious bouts of angry growls and chuckles if Arthur is going after him. 

I can’t even write about Batfleck being a ler because I will literally explode, so I’m done here 

(((((butseriouslyifanyonewantstotalklerbatfleckwithmehmuplz)))))

Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) 

I know the GIF isn’t from ZSJL but just let me live, ok? (Also I couldn’t find the one of Gal wiggling her fingers YOU KNOW THE ONE I’M TALKING ABOUT)

First off, Gal is the most horrible queen of giggles. I’ve seen those blooper reels. My god, girl, how do you keep getting hired?

SHE HAS SUCH A BIG SMILE IT’S LIKE THE ROCK IDK HOW THEIR TEETH AND MOUTH GET SO WIDE LOOKING

Diana will start tickle fights without a doubt.

She’s already very trustful and I also feel pretty handsy with people, especially those she may feel close to. So if she’s playful, you best watch out.

Her favorite targets are Bruce and Barry. I will not take criticism. Diana attacking Barry and reducing him to panicky shrieky laughs is my #1 thought. It’s not even living rent free, I’m commissioning it to be there.

Diana is one to laugh with her victims. She will wreck them and have a great time doing so. 

She’ll be ticklish if she wants to be, but it isn’t often she gets pinned and tickled or anything like that.

The guys try to stay away from her or not go after her with tickles for fear of retaliation.

AQUAMAN, CYBORG, SUPERMAN, AND THE FLASH UNDER THE CUT

Arthur Curry (Aquaman)

So…. my man isn’t really ticklish. I really don’t think he is, I feel like his Atlantean genes make his skin a special kind of hard, if that makes sense?

THAT BEING SAID ARTHUR IS THE BIGGEST LER OMGGG

He’ll try and act all cool and ‘whatever’ around the League cuz that’s kind of his persona.

But he slowly gets to like them more and more and his playful side starts to come out.

He’ll tickle Barry out of pure annoyance. Like if Barry makes any kind of comment, he’ll just point his finger out and get that glint in his eye and Barry is sprinting for the hills.

Here’s my favorite headcanon: Arthur will tickle Bruce because he knows it pisses him off when he does it. Bruce will fight back and keep Arthur in his sights at all time and curse and growl at him. And Arthur thinks it’s hilarious.

Arthur as a ler will taunt and tease until the cows come home

“Huh, big guy? What’s that? Ahawww that’s what I thought!... Not so fast/tough/etc. now!... I will wreck you.”

Victor Stone (Cyborg)

Unfortunately… not ticklish. :(

But this boy has the sweetest laugh you will ever hear, and I will die on that hill. 

Now that he has friends (superpowered friends, no less), he can slowly come alive and be himself. 

I can see Victor not getting involved in tickle fights at first, but at a certain point he’ll be all like, “Okay, step aside so we can do this right” and just PIN THE SHIT OUT OF WHOEVER IS BEING TICKLED. His extra robot arms are killer!

Okay, when he laughs for the first time in front of the group, there’s that cliche moment of pause where everything stops and everyone just stares and listens to him. It’s so rare to hear him laugh because the poor kid barely even smiled around them in the beginning. 

He SMIRKS

Now hear me out on this…

Okay, so half a face. Great. Weird. We love it. But you can see all of mischievous Victor when the guy SMIRKS. You see his eye squint and you can swear his robot eye gets a gleam of a different color. 

Wait honestly as I was writing that, the thought of Victor’s eye and like his apparatus changing color based on his mood is golden.

Me sitting here, lowkey wishing Victor’s robot body had some kind of cuddly mode like Baymax lmfaoooo 

Like the defense mode his body went into when he was around resurrected Supes, but for cuddles and being cute.

Clark Kent (Superman)

I was debating even including any headcanons for Superman bc I don’t care about him much, honestly.

I am v happy they kept in the whole ‘him staring at Flash through the speed storm’ scene bc I laughed so hard at that the first time i saw Josstice League in the theater. 

Also I didn’t really like the black superman costume??? I’m not a comic buff, so I’m assuming that’s why. I am like the one person who missed the color from the Josstice League cut. Don’t miss the stupid red sky in the finale, but I miss every other ounce of color that was just SUCKED right out of the Snyder Cut.

Clark and Bruce are besties now, I don’t make the rules. Bruce bought the man his house back. By buying the bank. He’ll take care of him.

And I’ve always simped for those two ever since BvS, bc I’ve already written like two fics where they tickle each other. 

Clark overpowering Bruce to tickle the shit out of him makes me so happy lol. Big strong boy Batfleck looking thiccc over here… but put him against Superman and he’s donezo. Because as mentioned earlier, I do think Bruce is pretty ticklish. 

But Clark can have his lee side when he’s feeling nice

He’s got that mighty chuckle, almost like how Thor might laugh. 

And he really likes getting involved in tickle fights with the League. He knows all of them are sorta afraid of him on the daily anyway, but have that power added to a tickle fight and it’s fun as hell. 

He’s gotten taken down by them ONCE. And I mean exactly (1) O N C E.

They all teamed up. Bing, bang, boom. Pinned him to the floor and they each took an area of skin and fucking SQUEEZED AND WIGGLED. They were trying to incapacitate him as quickly as possible. And dangummit, he laughed a lot! Like Clark realized just how ticklish he could feel if he wanted to feel it. 

And don’t even get me started on Lois, he’s big on getting her to giggle and she likes toying with him and running her hands all over his body (bc who wouldn’t?)

Barry Allen (The Flash)

I waited to write about Barry last because I have so much to say about this character....

and then I fell asleep and waited until the next day to write anything down about him so now I’m totally not in the mood and I forgot all the salient points I was planning on making.

fuck you, michelle.

I got a weird relationship with this character. He was mad annoying in the Josstice League. Thank goodness they trimmed his bad jokes down.

But now....

when he got hurt at the end and he was like crying and shit oh my god I wanted to hug him

His character got so... good

And I’m now at the right age where I can think about myself in a relationship with this character with no changes or shame

We both out here trying to find that one good job after college and everything

BARRY JUST WANTS FRIENDS, GUYS

HE’S THAT CUTE

And then he got this whole found family schtick with the Justice League!!! Lookit him!!! Thriving!

He has total little brother energy

like, pesky little brother. Bothers everyone, looks over people’s shoulders while they’re deep in thought or concentrating on something.

Asks a lot of questions.

All the more reason for the gang to want to tickle the shit out of him.

Barry just reads like a super ticklish lee. Like his whole character.

Maybe touch starved because he said he needed friends, and I don’t think he has siblings??? (sorry if i’m wrong about that, comic fans)

I already named some of my fav headcanons about him getting tickled by like Diana and such, and I’m sticking with it.

Barry does flee. He runs away with super speed.... but sometimes he just kinda wants the tickles so he lets them have at him. 

The chase is all part of the fun with tickling Barry, though. That’s what makes it so entertaining. And Barry isn’t afraid to be a little shit about it either. He will super-speed around his pursuers and poke their sides and tickle them back really quickly before they even know what’s happening. 

Barry doesn’t exactly hold back his laughter lol. He’ll protest and scream and squirm like crazy, but once he’s actually tickled, he loses it.

Pure boy. With funny ass facial expressions.

And it really doesn’t help that I never realized just how hot Ezra Miller is, even though I heard he’s not a great person irl. Oh well.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

Please please let me know if y’all have things to add, to squee over, to question me about... please. anything. i’m here for you. thanks for reading, guys!

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Can you write something where the shyest boys finally kiss their crush at a party in a human au. But then some other mischievous character catches it on camera. Then they try to show it to everyone to tease them? (Not really maliciously more playfully. More like a trickster.) Sorry, but I am a sucker for shy characters since I am shy myself.

So my shy boys in my human AU are Japan, Canada, Russia and England (I'd put Romano but he's just a lone wolf who tends to bite when he's disturbed. Metaphorically.)

A/N: I HIT ONE OF MY NOTIFICATION POP UPS AND IT FORCED ME OUT OF THE FIRST DRAFT! I had to redo Japan and Canada's scenerios •́ J ,•̀

Human AU: Shy Boys kiss their crush! On TAPE!?

Japan:

He wasn't really enjoying the party Alfred was throwing. The only reason he was there was over the fact he promised to record some footage for a homemade music video, and he knew his crush was going to be there.

At some point he found himself watching his crush as they danced away with their friends. Was it kind of creepy? Yes. Did Kiku realize this at the moment? No.

He just about jumped out of his skin as his crush made eye contact with him, and his heartbeat quickened as they started dancing towards him.

"Hey Kiku! I thought you didn't like parties?"

"H-hai! I do not usually partake in such events, but I promised Alfred I'd get footage for one of his YouTube videos..."

His crush's head tilted, not hearing him through the loud music and talking. Even with him shouting he wasn't loud enough. So naturally he had them follow him to the porch.

He could have sworn that every star in the night sky was reflecting in his crush's eyes as they were waiting for him to repeat his anwser.

"I have to admit to some urges that have been occuring..." (Not what he was hoping he'd say)

Kiku cringed at his wording, and cursed himself for cramming so many english classes in before he transferred to America. He only calmed back down after hearing his crush laugh and egg him on to continue.

"I... kisu si te ii desu ka?" (Can I kiss you?)

Even though he was rather nervous, he was pretty close with his crush. During their lunches they asked him to teach them japanese so they can help him with translations. Even after two years they still had trouble with it.

"... What about a kiss? oh! Did you kiss someone at the party!"

His face turned red, and he shook it rapidly.

"No! You!"

"What do I have to do with a kiss and you- Oh!"

Kiku covered his face as his crush slowly caught on to his question. Soon enough they had taken his hands away, and lightly pecked his lips.

Flash.

That looked like the flash of a camera. Sure enough Alfred and England were standing at the doorway, polaroid camera in hand. Al being his usual loud self.

"I saw you bring them out here and just KNEW something was going to happen! Didn't I tell you, you had it in you! Now the whole class must know of your bravery!"

By the time Alfred finished his speech, Kiku was already after him. Sadly he was no match for Al's speed due to tripping over everyone, and everything.

Canada:

It wasn't like he was exactly shy, but he didn't have many friends since not many people in his class had much in common with him. His only real friend was his crush, so of course he was terrified to ruin that friendship. Though the constant jokes the others at the party made didn't help, since most of it revolved around them dating.

He was also getting more and more frustrated with the amount of attention his crush was getting. Some of it they welcomed with open arms, some of it not so much. The thing that really annoyed him was seeing Alfred himself flirt with them.

This was the final straw that gave him the courage to walk up to him, and accuse him directly.

"Why are you flirting with my date?"

"Date? I thought you said they were just a friend?"

Mathew had turned his head towards his crush, and planted a light kiss on their lips.

"There. Now we are!"

Matt's face went pale as he realized the scene that was playing out got the attention of some party goers. Phones already recording in case a fight broke out. Leaving no possibly way to get everyone to delete those videos.

Not realizing his crush had a hold of his hand to prevent any conflict, he tugged them out the door, trying his best to shield his face.

Once outside they both sat on the stone slabs of the sidewalk. Matt's crush clearing their throat to help stop the akward moment.

"You know... If you wanted to kiss me, you should have just asked..."

"Oh maple leaf! I am so sorry! I didn't even know I had it in me!"

His crush shook their head, chuckling, then leaned in for another kiss.

"There. Now we're even."

All matt could do was repeat their words with a dreamy sigh.

"Now we're even..."

Russia:

Ivan was already pretty shy, but he really wanted to hangout with his crush. So he let them rope him into going to the party Francis was having. It was a small party, so it wasn't all bad. Other than no one wanting to talk to him due to his lack of English.

His crush was certainly doing plenty of talking through out the night though, and they eventually pulled him aside to ask him something.

"Hey, Ivan? You okay? You don't look like you're enjoying yourself much".

His crush knew to keep sentences as simple and short as possible since he struggled with English. But he still managed a good enough response.

"Da. I am... Not good at the parties. Not one person, speeches? To Ivan..."

His crush smiled, reaching up to playfully ruffle his hair, earning a small giggle.

"You mean to say 'no one speaks to me'. I'm sorry. It can be hard, da?"

He nodded at them. Giving a smile knowing his crush at least tries to conversate with him. But there was something else on his mind. The more they talked, the more he seemed to stare at their lips. He was struggling more and more with hiding his blush. Eventually his crush took it as a sign he was overheating and they dragged him to the bathroom to splash water to his face.

"It is too warm for a turtle neck and scarf! Your face is very warm!"

Ivan shook his head, face getting redder from the embarrassment.

"Nyet!"

His crush gave a look of confusion, and Ivan took this as a sign to try and explain.

"You do much of the talking. I... Do much of the seeing. Nyet. I do much of the-"

He gestured his gaze to his crush's lips, unable to convey his message and when it still didn't sink in for them, Ivan did the next best thing out of pure frustration.

He kissed them. It felt like forever, but it was cut too short as the sound of a gasp interrupted them. Breaking away he spotted Francis standing at the door that was left wide open. A phone with the light on, signalling it was recording them.

"Oh ho ho! This is quite the confession! A love that goes beyond language barriers is just as strong as love itself!"

Ivan couldn't seem to follow Francis' words, especially because he was more concerned with the phone footage.

"You take video for just us, da?"

Francis gave a smirk and took off without another word. Ivan wasn't dumb when it came to body language, and he took off after him. Taking no time at all to corner Francis, scaring everyone else as the two of them bickered over the phone.

"Throw out the phone!"

"I will do no such thing!

"I will throw you instead!"

It took his crush snagging the phone and deleting the video for everything to finally settle back down.

England:

He was kind of popular in the sense everyone knew him as the punk kid who could play the electric guitar. But so did others students so he wasn't exactly special. So yeah, he was wicked shy and insecure about how everyone viewed him.

But his crush seemed to treat him differently, and honestly? He was secretly hoping that meant they really liked him. Maybe even more than liked!

The best part is, he wasn't even expecting his crush to show up at some random person's party. He, himself, was only there to help a band entertain. But there they were, his crush, dancing and bopping along to the music.

He found himself making a lot of eye contact with them, and when the first break came around, he bounced off the makeshift stage. His crush immediately walking over to him to pester.

"That was amazing! I didn't know you played so well!"

Arthur pulled at his bangs.

"Thanks love. It means quite a lot coming from you. Especially because you didn't expect to see me here, of all places..."

"Actually I-"

Before they could continue, they were dragged off by some of their friends to be introduced to someone. He decided to follow, wanting to know what the fuss was about. And of course his crush's friends were trying to hook them up with... Francis...

He gave a verbal sigh, watching his crush shift uncomfortably as Francis did his best to act all suave. His crush looked back at him with pleading eyes. This gave him an idea.

He walked over, slinging an arm around their shoulder, speaking up and over their conversation.

"There you are darling! I've been searching the whole bloody house for you! Oh, hello Francis. I didn't see you there!"

Things got intense, and before anyone knew it, Francis and Arthur had gotten into a fist fight. There wasn't a particular winner, but Arthur certainly left the fight with the only bruised lip. Sitting at one of the spare couches, his crush tended to the bruise.

"I can't believe you did that! Are you nuts? Why do you two fight anyway!"

"I'm sorry love... It's just... He gets in the way is all".

"In the way of what? Some male pride?"

"...you"

Silence filled the space between them, only to be broken by the chaste and airy kiss from his crush.

"I didn't know..."

"Part of me didn't want you too..."

Neither of them knew someone had recorded them until the day they returned to the college. Someone had thought it was funny to make a "fancam" of Arthur "fighting for his loved one". The only words his new lover could mutter was:

"At least no one is going to have to ask us if we're together now..."

[taliaquinn]

Why Me!? Chapter 16

A/N: Hey peeps, I hope you guys enjoy today's update. I hope you guys like the fact that I uploaded so soon. Also I have a lot of oneshot ideas however the tricky part is actually WRITING. Who knew am I right? 

“Kaalki quick open a portal to that old alley, It’s better to transform there, Tikki you can finish Game of Thrones later” Marinette ordered a previously napping Kaalki, while pulling out a miffed Tikki from her mini-room in the closet. Tikki was almost done with the first season of Game Of Throne. The only reason it was taking so long was mostly that she had to watch it whenever Marinette wasn’t around due to uh reasons.

“Priorities much?” Marinette teased, quickly making a fake sleeping Marinette on her bed in case someone checked on her.

She quickly leaped through the portal, after appearing in some Paris alley she quickly ducked behind the dumpster and transformed into Ladybug, and made her way to the Attack.

To no one's surprise she was facing off with Lady Wifi again. Except for this time she was busy tracking down her ex-boyfriend Nino who had broken up with her over text. Ouch. Good for him regardless. The darker part of Marinette was pleased. He came to his senses. Finally. 

Unfortunately for her Lady Wifi was pissed, which made taking her down harder. She had to leave to recharge, Chat showed up during the last few moments but still proved himself useless by getting frozen by Lady-wifi somehow. Luckily Ladybug was sadly used to this and left him frozen. 

Quickly ducking to the side she delivered a blow to Alyas' side. Throwing her yo-yo she managed to tangle Lady Wifis legs, causing her to drop her phone. Ladybug quickly scooped it up to destroy. Seriously, what was it with this girl and her obsession with phones? 

Purifying the Akuma, she used the Miraculous Ladybug to instantly repair all the damage. Releasing a heavy sigh she turned to face her ex-best friend. To her disgust she was facing a pouting Alya and a smiling Chat. 

The instant that Alya saw Ladybug she immediately stood up and ran towards her, 

“Oh my gosh Ladybug thank you for saving me, I don't know what Nino was thinking breaking up with me like that, he KNOWS how mad I get” she said huffing out a laugh. 

Oh. my. god. She was trying to make it seem like Nino was at fault! Marinette was furious. She was acting just like Chat!!! Marinette is going to need so much therapy after all of this is done.

“Alya, you need to apologize to Nino,” she finally told her. “and afterward leave him alone, you have to respect his decision and space.” She added. They might not be friends anymore but that didn’t mean that Marinette didn't care about Nino. 

“L-L-Ladybug, you don’t get it, he broke up with me for no good reas-”

“It was a good enough reason that he felt the need to do it through a text” gesturing towards Nino's home she added “and as it turns out he was right to do so”

Alya huffed, “You just don't understand Ladybug”. She moved away from her and took out her phone to begin live streaming. 

She made her way towards Chat noir who was standing on the side watching the whole exchange a bit nervous. “Chat Noir, Are you aware of a certain girl named Marinette who got caught on camera criticizing you, when she had no right to mind you, about your most recent actions?. Do you have anything to say in response to it?” She asked pointing her phone camera in his direction. 

Chat Noir immediately leaped at the chance to defend himself.

“W-well like you said she had no right, what could she know about the struggles of being a superhero, heck I even had to save her a couple of times and that’s how she thanks me?’ He mentioned facing Alyas' camera. “Honestly I think she’s just jealous and mine and m’lady's partnership, but what can you do am I right?” he teased.

“What partnership chat?” Ladybug cut in. No way was she letting rumors spread when she was standing right there. 

“M'lady's just jealous as well,” Chat said with a wink

“Oh for Pete's sake” Ladybug pulled Chat away from Alyas prying eyes (and cellphone) and yo-yo away without a goodbye to the blogger.

A few rooftops away she finally plopped down and released Chat none too gracefully. The look on Chat noirs face wasn’t the charming one he was displaying for Alya and her Camera, he had the nerve to look annoyed.

“What was that?” He spit out

“What was what hmmm?” Oh she was annoyed now too.

“Al-that Cesaire girl has been your biggest supporter since Day One. You just don’t know what's going on with that Cesaire girl”

“I do, her boyfriend broke up with her because he was involved in an extremely toxic relationship” She stated, “I have to make sure she understands that, she’s trying to shift the blame!!!” 

“And what was that about our partnership, you sounded like you agreed with that Dupain-Cheng girl” He complained annoyed “That's cause I do”

“WHAT!?”

“You said it yourself Marinette could never understand the pressure cause she’s not a superhero, I on the other hand AM,” Not to mention they were one and the same but he didn't have to know that, “frankly you’ve been lacking in the superhero department if I can show up for every Akuma battle why can't you?” 

“Because I have a life unlike you” 

“Pfftt I am an independent business owner who still manages to be a stellar student AND I manage to handle Akuma attacks alone more often than not, what about you?”

“What does that matter? Marinette's gotten to you hasn’t she? You know she's been sent away for assaulting a classmate?”

“That's weird from what she told me she quit” she shouted “really chat you should leave the manipulating to Rossi and Cesaire”

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK, I DONT MANIPULATE” He screamed at her. Why was it that everyone was turning against him lately?

“You’re right, you only do that after you try everything else to make yourself seem good” Ladybug finished staring back at Chat noirs infuriated green eyes, His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked the angriest he ever had. 

Staring at him Marinette came to a realization, she took a few step backs “We’ll talk later” She jumped off the roof and started making her way to a specific location.

Batcave                                                                                                      Wayne Manor, USA                                                                                      12:30 pm

“Master Dick I must ask you to please refrain from breaking your ribs in the future” Alfred sighed, Luckily Batman was able to arrive in time to stop Nightwing from getting kidnapped or worse. Red Hood quickly arrived and hauled an unconscious Nightwing to the Cave.

Batman, Red Robin, and Robin were currently spread around Gotham and Bludhaven trying to track down any stragglers. 

“Sorry Alfie, I’m way too cute for the criminals to stay away” Dick mumbled sleepily

 “-humph- Regardless No patrolling for 6 weeks,”

“You hurt me, I hope you know that Alf” He joked. Eh, they were all fast healers, he’ll probably be back on patrol in 4 weeks. 

“Heya Alfred, Now that Dick is alright I am going to head back out” Jason said adjusting his gloves and strapping his knives in place.

“Before you leave Master Jason please pickup the Tupperware filled with food I have left for you in the kitchen, And please escort Master Dick to his room for rest” Alfred knew good and well that his charges love not listening to doctors, er butlers, orders.

“Thanks, Alf, Comere Dickwad” Helping Dick up from the cot “but I don’t want to,” Dick whined. “Tough luck”

Making there way throughout the manor, Dick suddenly stopped “Marinette's room is right there, lemme check on her” 

Jesus sometimes Dick can be more of a mother hen than Bruce “Come on Dickface, It's almost 1 am any sane person will be asleep by now” he said tiredly but a part of him wanted to check up on her too. Curse these big brother instincts. “Fine only a peek”

Once they stumbled to the front of Marinette's room, Jason gently cracked open the door seeing Marinette sleeping he moved aside to allow Dick to take a peak. To Jason's shock Dick unwrapped his arm from His shoulder and pushed open the door, stumbling to Marinette's Bed. Quickly pulling off the sheets he revealed a bundle of pillows under the blanket. 

Marinette wasn’t in her bed.

 “Crap”

I just Love cliffhangers, don’t you guys love them as well? I am asking that you guys please message me any prompts you would like for me to write for my one-shot series. Else I’m just going to keep making sad angsty one-shots. Stay Safe and Healthy guys <3. 

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[bigskydreaming]

I’m literally in love with the way you write Dick and Jason’s dynamic

Thanks, glad to hear that! Personal preferences aside, I honestly do think it just opens up SO many more potential stories if you go with the idea that they did have a brotherly relationship before Jason died, just they didnt get together around Bruce because Dick was still hoping Bruce would make the first move in reaching out to him. Rather than just stick with the usual assumption that because it wasn’t seen on the page, they had barely any interactions and both resented each other for various reasons.

But those reasons all trace back to Bruce, and if you look at them as two people who are united by the common experience of being fish out of water, adapting to the same environment after coming from DRAMATICALLY different origins, able to connect over that and understand each other in a way nobody else really can because nobody else has ever really had to straddle two worlds as definitively as Dick and Jason had to in their formative years....

Like, the big sticking point for me in the Dick vs Jason: The Grudge theory was just that....at the end of the day, these are two boys who grew up with very few loved ones to start with, or having had to deal with the loss of those loved ones.....

But one way or another......are these two specific characters really ones that make sense as wanting to reject the possibility of more family?

They’re connected through Bruce, like it or not, that was never going to change even from before they ever met......and the idea that Dick Grayson and Jason Todd would each be content to waste literal YEARS never even TRYING to connect with the person who was probably most like him and who by all accounts was already his brother in most ways just by way of Bruce...not even to see if maybe they COULD actually be brothers? To have family beyond just Bruce and Alfred? 

Me @ every fic or headcanon that says Dick had Only Child Syndrome and resented Jason because of that: right because Dick Grayson of all people is anti-family. He’s full up with that one guy whose legal guardianship of him has been expired for a couple years and who he hasn’t spoken to since long before then.....nah, why would he want any more or any other family beyond that?

I mean, I absolutely believe that Dick was upset and hurt that Bruce adopted Jason while he’d never even offered to adopt Dick......but Dick has never been one to pass around blame instead of focusing it on its true point of origin. That’s his and Bruce’s issue. And honestly, there are TONS of reasons for Dick to be upset about that, without making it about Jason at all. 

There’s literally no reason for Dick to take it out on Jason ever, if his biggest issue or grievance is that like....it feels like Bruce was just so done with Dick and considered him so out of his life, something like “just added a new kid to the family” didn’t seem like relevant information he should pass on to Dick despite the tenseness between them. When you have to find out from the NEWS that your old family unit just full on up and adopted this kid you’ve never heard of before now without even so much as a phone call.....there’s plenty of cause to feel like this is a message that you’re not really considered part of that family unit anymore, so why would you need to know?

Or like, the fact that Bruce didn’t consider hey I’m thinking of adding another kid to my family that consists of me and the kid I’m so afraid to tell I think of him as a son in case he doesn’t feel the same way, that I’ve sat back and let things get this bad between us and fester.....hey maybe before I issue adoption papers for a second kid, I should think about putting in an equivalent effort at fixing things with my first kid first?

Or why not write Bruce thinking: “Hey if I can’t even fix things with the kid I raised for almost a decade and think of as my own no matter how long its been since I talked to him.....what on Earth makes me think I’m qualified to take on a SECOND child?”

Like....Bruce was the one who held all the power and all the options, Dick had no other option but to go along with whatever Bruce decided Bruce was going to do, and neither did Jason really.....so there’s no real reason in my head that should be a point of contention between them or a reason to resent each other instead of just stressing to them the importance of having significant family ties beyond just Bruce because history clearly showed even at that point that best intentions aside, the man is fallible.

If anything, that should have been common ground!

I think there was like, an initial negative reaction of maybe one night, the first time they met and Dick even though he was prepared for it still had to adjust to the reality of actually seeing this stranger he was irrevocably connected to now by both his names, even if neither was technically his anymore....like to actually SEE him standing there in his old role....that’s gonna hit anybody hard.

But he also would have clearly been able to see that whatever else he may have been, this twelve year old Robin was still a kid, and one who hadn’t had a lot of time to ever be a kid in the first place.....which again, instant camaraderie, because boy could Dick relate.....remember, Dick may have had a happy childhood with his parents before they were murdered but it was also a childhood where he WORKED. He loves being an acrobat, he loved being in the show, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t WORK, that his childhood didn’t consist of training as long and as regularly as any adult acrobat while everyone else his age was running around playing outside and making friends. And after Bruce took Dick in, most of Dick’s free time was spent being Robin, training as Robin, etc?

Which IMO would have made him take one look at this kid in his old costume, literally standing where he had once stood, stepping into his old shoes.....and I think Dick’s real honest reaction once he brushed aside any kneejerk feeling of pain or bitterness the way he brushes aside all the physical pain he feels when out as Nightwing but refuses to let get in the way of him doing what he has to, doing what’s right....

Nah, Dick would have taken one look at this tiny kid full of fire and bravado but also so clearly eager to please, to be praised, to be told he was doing a good job and even without that he was worth something, his life had value, the world was better just because he existed......

And I think Dick’s bitterness about the situation would have crystallized into him resentfully thinking well B’s not exactly the best about dishing out affection or praise so I’m gonna make sure this little Mini-Me standing there in my old colors looking just as young and small as I must have looked then even if I didn’t realize it at the time....I’m gonna make sure I keep him supplied with a steady diet of “Nice Words and Gestures That Kids Should Grow Up Receiving Regularly.”

Dick has always been a firm believer that the best way to make sure something gets done is to do it yourself.

So yeah, I honestly do think that back during those days, Dick and Jason were thick as thieves when their schedules allowed for it, with it being simultaneously painful and unspoken that they had to like....work around Bruce’s presence so Dick could avoid him, but somewhat softened by the challenge and thrill of two brothers scheming to pull one over on the Big Bad Batdad every time the older brother wanted to take the little brother to go somewhere or do something, like, even just to spoil him rotten.

Cuz really....isn’t that a lot more interesting than ‘oh they barely ever even met back then and it wasn’t great, that’s it, the end’? There’s so much you could do with even just that, from them sneaking Jason out for a fun adventure that’s layered with just a hint of poignant angst because of the unspoken why of him needing to sneak out instead of them just saying hey Bruce, we need some bro time, Jason’s hanging with me this weekend? Or you dial up the angst and layer it with lightness or literally anything between those two points on a spectrum.

There’s so much Secret History potential buried back in those years....adventures they had together and never told anyone about, secrets shared between brothers they never shared elsewhere.....maybe Dick opening up to Jason more than he usually likes to, but here felt it might be the only way to get Jason to do the same, with Dick thus offering up some painful tidbit from his past that he never told even Bruce or Alfred for some reason, if he thinks Jason’s upset about something and needs to vent but will just keep insisting he’s fine unless Dick leads by example and goes first.

There’s so much potential for in-jokes that only the two of them know and everyone else is ENDLESSLY curious about, because everyone always forgets that those two have so much history because it was literally kept out of sight, out of mind, so they could keep it free of the friction that was bound to come of adding Bruce to the mix before their father cleared the air with his eldest first.

So its an easy thing to forget about or overlook, especially since it rarely comes up....but everytime it does rear its head via some private joke only they know or a reference to some event back then that everyone else is kept boxed out of having any context for....that’s the kind of stuff that would drive a family of detectives craszy, because they want to know! What’s the joke??

And yet its likely they’d never ask, because as curious as they are to hear about the mysterious missing years of the first two Wayne children, back when there was literally nobody else present to ask for details.....they never can figure out HOW to ask those questions, not when they’re equally aware of the swiftly hidden expressions of pain or bitterness that flash across the two eldests’ faces after each unearthing of some long-buried treasure they shared between them. Unable to ever escape the fact that each of those treasured moments would forever be followed with an inevitable reminder of why there were so few of those moments, in the end. 

Why those years ended far earlier than they should have, and why their reunion upon Jason’s return was hindered and complicated by Dick’s obligation to other siblings Jason hurt while dealing with Pit after-effects and the lack of a strong support system while swayed to League sympathies...

And of course, ultimately there’s the reality that after the Adventures of Young Dick and Tiny Jason were cancelled far ahead of schedule, and that several year long intermission....by the time everything else was gotten out of the way, the stars of those earlier adventures were as long gone as the adventures themselves. Dick and Jason were both entirely different people by now.....still containing within each of them enough of who they were back then that those memories are kept carefully protected and hidden away, all the more valuable for how few and sparse they are, and how rarely they’re brought out to look at and enjoy.....

But with those vaults buried deeply enough within who Dick and Jason both are these days, that there’s a lot of blood and loss and pain you have to cut through just to reach that vault. There’s no retrieving anything from it without a cost. A cost worth paying, given that they can’t help themselves from calling back to it every now and then, even though they know the inevitable result is going to be end negative and not end positive. But still high enough to give them pause before actually doing so....holding back sometimes so the toll is doled out sparingly and over time. Getting greedy and trying to bring out/back/up too much too fast is far more daunting than either can afford to pay at the moment.

So that’s how I like to view the two of them and their dynamic back during and because of those early years before Jason’s death. Bittersweet and shaded by nostalgia.....temptation and warning both, in how much they want to revisit it but how much they fear ruining what they’ve managed to cobble together now by bringing the past too much into the light, comparing past and present too clearly and risking that being reminded too strongly of the brothers they were back then, will just make it impossible to ever be content with anything but that bond replicated in full and they’re not sure it can be, are both too afraid too much has happened since then and trying too hard, putting too much pressure on the dynamic they’ve built now could risk shattering the relative fragile bond completely.

Pretty much everything I write with the two of them, unless I specifically state otherwise via context, is generally written through that lens, with me viewing that as the backstory for their dynamic that I’m running with.

[astrologista]

jason stop dying

ooooook i just watched ditf. it was PRETTY GOOD.... i only wish there was MOOORE! watching this REALLY brought me back to 2011 times to see it and i think they did a good job with most of the character design and animations insofar as matching it to the original. (maybe i’m totally wrong but i thought it looked good for the most part... also i just really love these character designs in particular). obviously the budget is not what it would be on a feature, so there are a LOT of places where animation gets recycled and many still frames. some parts are basically a slideshow lol. but i only sort of came to that realization awhile after watching, so i think they did a fairly good job of masking this... ymmv

so let’s get into it!!! 

SPOILERS a-head! do not read until you’ve watched it because i’ll spoil everything

now obviously the thing to be aware of if you are not is the fact that this adaptation is not a panel-by-panel adaptation of the original death in the family comic. all references to jason’s mother (save one mention of her dying of illness) are completely removed, they go to bosnia instead of africa, and the circumstances around jason leaving are also heavily altered to fit the new narrative. this adaptation does slot perfectly into the universe established by the under the red hood animated movie from 2011 though, without which one would be pretty confused when watching this. it’s kind of a mystery as to why they didn’t just package this with utrh and release the entire thing as a collectors edition. instead they package it with like 4 or 5 unrelated dc showcase shorts which makes absolutely 0 sense but go off i guess. anyway

i liked that they took the time to adapt the scene from the original ditf where bruce is talking to alfred about jason! (i do not like that alfred didn’t get any lines. bad choice). tbh i can’t understand why they bothered showing us alfred, barbara and dick if they weren’t gonna give them any lines..... like come on........??

HOW INTENSE BRUCE LOOKS WHEN HE FINDS JASON IN SARAJEVO and just. grabs him lol. hes smad :)

ok so one two skip a few and we get to the first branch. instead of calling 1-900 we now get to choose whether jason lives or dies. there are 7 possible endings i think i got em all so let’s see what we got here.

“Hush” Route - Robin cheats death

hgrgdggr. i definitely think this is one of the more interesting endings, if not the most interesting one. this is also the only ending in which both bruce and jason survive the bombing. bruce is still too late, but this time jason barely clings to life and survives. as a hurt/comfort fan i was 100% on this shit from the word go but then jason? runs away from home lmao lmao i thought that was SO funny because 1) hes super messed up, how is he able to just literally run out the house that is SO funny to me and 2) implying that bruce would ever not be keeping an eye on him after that is just, lmao. it’s so zany. i call this the “hush” route because of the bandages but there are no other references to hush so ok. that’s fair. so anyway jason is now angsty for loosely explained reasons but the most fun part is yet to come.

when talia showed up, i really thought / was terrified for a second that they were gonna bring up certain “events” regarding damian’s parentage / who damian’s father is but then she mentioned bruce and i was like OH THANK GOD WE CAN STILL GO TO HEAVEN. i am so so grateful to the writers for NOT going there. cuz it was damn close ok. im not sure what the implication of this route is in terms of talia, jason and damian being a family unit but i want to believe talia sees jason as a son and damian’s brother (which is how she refers to him, damian’s brother) and not... yknow. i mean. jason raising a baby is kind of like a baby raising a baby...

no actually the reality of this scene is really dfuckin interesting like. they actually go with the “birth of the demon” (forget if it was birth of the demon or bride of the demon. one of those.) explanation for damian and that is something i’ve NEVER seen adapted so whoever wrote this can have a cookie and i kNOW this is something a certain someone will appreciate :)

not only that but the implications? are interesting? so talia’s claim is she miscarried so bruce won’t have to “choose” between damian and jason and idk if she’s supposed to be all on the-up-and-up in this universe but. i’m sitting here like GIRL YOU DON’T GOTTA DO THIS HE HAS A PRIVATE JET HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF SHARED CUSTODY and BETTER YET HE HAS A MANSION JUST GO ON MAURY AND GET THIS SORTED OUT RIGHT NOWwwww

i’m also LAUGHING at the implications of jason thinking theres anywhere on earth that he’s going to go and hide damian’s existence from bruce. because you already know he’s just going to be tearing the planet apart looking for jason so this is actually hilarious. imagine he finds jason in one piece and also a baby. his baby. he’d be like (@ talia) “OMG WHY WOULD YOU THINK I WOULDN’T WANT THEM BOTH u are tearing me apart talia......” BUT THEN HE WOULD BE SO FREAKING HAPPY BECAUSE HE HAS TWO ALIVE SONS AND HE THOUGHT THEY WERE BOTH DEAD / (lost to crime)!!!

please lord imagine all of jason’s angst probably just originating from the fact that he has a brain injury that hasn’t fully healed and the trauma of going through all those surgeries probably gave him a lot of fear / paranoia about bruce and associating him with the joker because his neural pathways are all messed up but after he leaves he starts slowly healing back and regaining some of his lost sanity and thats when he realizes he misses bruce so much... but hes also raising his child... and every day it gets more difficult for him not to just take damian and bring him home and i ;v;

anyway i thought this route, while it had a few inconsistencies in it, was really freaking interesting and it gave me feels and plot bunnies and is probably the one i want to write about the MOST despite the fact that baby damian looks like a character from one of those web flash games in this lol

“True” End - Jason Dies

now if you select that jason dies the route basically defaults to the canon of under the red hood and the fact that utrh does not come packaged with this movie is a rather mystifying choice to me as i don’t think this adaptation would stand on its own very well. like you need quite a bit of background to really get anything out of watching this on its own, which is probably why it’s classified as a “short” and not as its own movie.

instead of showing all of utrh, it seems they took the opportunity to give a ~30 minute recap of utrh with basically entirely reused animation but they allow bruce to sort of. give his dvd commentary over it.

the biggest feeling i have on this is that it’s sad that they had to waste 30 minutes like this that could’ve been used to do something new and much more interesting, but honestly i’m not mad. it seems kind of obvious that this choice was probably made for budget and/or runtime reasons because a short does not get the same budget set aside as a full length feature film does. so they basically took the option of recycling 30 minutes of animation from the movie and dubbing new audio over it.

in evangelion they ran out of budget and that’s why the last two episodes consist of nothing more than still pencil drawings and frames while the characters engage in philosophical debates concerning the nature of reality and human connection. and i really enjoyed that. and for the same reasons, i also really enjoyed this.

i enjoyed seeing the clark kent of this universe. i enjoyed that he was basically out on a date with bruce. i enjoyed that bruce was willing to open up for once and tell clark all of what happened with jason. but what really makes this segment shine bright are bruce greenwood’s line reads. there are SO MANY good line reads in here. and i LOVED how many times he said the word “son”. very wholesome. the way he describes how he felt during the final fight with jason? probs my favorite FUCKING part.

and then him and clark joking together about contingency plans and then they’re going to work together to find jason and i ;_; this is probably the closest thing to a “good” ending but as a continuation of utrh i thought it worked really well. i really want to believe that bruce and clark did find jason in this route and that there was some closure in the end even though we didn’t get to see it.

including clark in this was DEFINITELY the right move as well, considering that he played a rather large role in the original ditf so it’s a welcome nod.

The rest of the branches exist under a separate option where Bruce makes it in time to save Jason from the warehouse... but Bruce dies......... :O

let me tell you bout it... bruce’s fucking DEATH SCENE i don’t know WHAT my man bruce greenwood is on, but the freaking LINE READS in this dialogue had me making INHUMAN NOISES. LIKE NOT ONLY WAS THE DIALOGUE GOOD, NOT ONLY DID HE SAY “I LOVE YOU, SON”, but this man is just an amazing actor. not just voice actor, but actor. he really really really really gave it the most i don’t know how else to say it....... it was very very well done and punched me sideways in the heart and i haven’t recovered and i’m not going to recover. and

ok so once we get past that.... scene.... u have to choose whether you’re going to catch the joker or kill the joker. bruce asks jason to promise not to kill the joker but technically jason doesn’t promise so........

Let’s start by choosing to kill the Joker. Jason attends Bruce’s funeral and various members of the Justice League show up to talk with him and just generally hang out. He has Alfred, Dick and Barbara as his support system, but Jason has some other plans.

This leads to a scene in a cafe where Jason meets with a man who... something something Killing Joke, flashlight, more Barbara being used as a plot device when she deserves better, Jason kills the Joker with a butter knife.

Once you do this you can choose to surrender to the police, or retaliate and escape.

Jailbird Ending

basically if you surrender to the police jason ends up in prison where he can actually attack even more criminals so.... ya

If you retaliate and escape instead you go to the Red Robin route where Jason becomes a vigilante who kills people much like the Red Hood and you get a further choice in a fight with Two Face where you can control how Harvey’s coin lands. 

Tim Ending!

If you choose the coin to land clean face up, the thing rewards you by having Tim show up and I forgot what happened (wasn’t really paying attention lol) because i was so focused on TIM!

Prolly they felt sorry for him what with Jason stealing what is essentially his outfit (ok I know it was Jason’s first, but Tim made it cool) so they let a little baby tim have an appearance :) he’s very smol

I guess in this ending Jason gets reintegrated with the family somehow and Tim becomes “Bat-kid” which is hilarious to me but you know what it’s cute. CUTE.

The one ending where the coin lands scarred side up

i honestly forget what happens if you choose to have the coin land scarred side up but let me just say this is a FUCKED route to take, not only have you had jason survive and bruce die, you’ve now chosen to kill the joker against bruce’s dying wish, you’ve chosen to attack the police, and at the end of that you really are gonna choose harvey’s coin to be scarred face up???? choosing this made me feel like a DICK because here i am supporting jason’s whole fall to madness and villainy thing the way it wants me to and now he’s gonna die HERE? i hate it here.

interestingly enough he doesn’t actually die in this route. he ends up at home with barbara and dick while dealing with the fact that he killed the joker but the route ends with jason saying “i promise” so i guess this is supposed to be kinda sad. im so confused lol ok

So that is all the options if you choose to kill the joker, I believe. You can also make the choice to just catch him instead of killing him but amazingly enough, those routes are even more FUCKED up. 

If you do this option Jason goes home, mourns Bruce with Dick, Barbara and Alfred, and becomes Red Hood BUT with a twist, he’s entirely on a bloodless operation in line with Bruce’s wishes. OR.... IS HE?

Things then follow the events of UTRH until the scene on the bridge with the van and the guys. Jason finally confronts Joker, who reveals the truth. 

Apparently in this route Jason has actually been killing and decapitating his victims just like in the original movie, but he’s repressed it so as to not even realize to himself that he’s doing it.

that is FUCKED. also. i wanna cry because jason doing all of that stuff but not even realizing it ;------; jason blocking it out, because he wanted to honor bruce’s wishes for him not to kill anyone ;______; but he’s doing it anyway ;_____; he’s actually hearing voices telling him to kill ;____; like it’s a very cheap twist in a sense and also really quite cruel but.... damn, son.

There is a branch here where you can choose to spare or kill the Joker at this point (UNDERTALE???) but from what I can tell it seems to be totally meaningless what choice you pick because you end up at the exact same point either way, I think there’s a small variation in what happens after you make the choice but after that they just coalesce back together into the following two endings. Which seems incredibly cheap to me, I mean making a choice like that should alter Jason’s path completely but, it doesn’t! So... ooook....

Either way Jason ends up on the Wayne building and Talia shows up with a re-animated Bruce from the pit. Here’s another fun blast from the 2011 past with more gratuitous Grant Morrison dreck, remember that shit? Well, they’re gonna jam it down your throat here, too.

The reanimated Bruce is the Zur En Arrh Bruce and he’s already dead so this is all meaningless but basically Jason fights him and you get to choose whether everybody lives or dies.

Zur En Arrh - Everyone Lives!

if you pick this, jason actually gets the re-animated bruce back to the batcave and they lock him up down there because he’s still pit-mad and the prognosis is not great. but i’m not sure what they expected, he is the zur-en-arrh guy so I don’t think he’s getting better. 

Zur En Arrh - Everyone Dies!

pretty much there’s an explosion and all three of them die and that’s it

I think that should be all the possible endings there are.

By the way the different ways in which black mask dies in this was actually a fairly clever running gag lollll. let that mf burn we don’t need no water.

overall there are a couple of things i would have done to SIGNIFICANTLY improve this adaptation beyond some of the obvious ones.

- the fact that all of the branching options are branched exclusively under the “jason lives and bruce dies” branch is a huge wasted opportunity. imo this is the most egregious problem with this, i was really looking for a more balanced tree / explanation of different things. i am probably super biased though being a fic writer and used to fic, we’re the ones making huge ass trees every day lol.

- the fact that there is no “good” ending here is something i kind of expected but given the context of this is lackluster. i sort of get it though because granted, the original ditf ends in an unresolved manner but it’s distinctly unsatisfying here. i secretly wanted an ending where bruce, like, figures out about the different endings and hacks reality to try to find a good ending where jason lives and everything is fine lmao. like a bat mite ending.

- i was disappointed in a sense that the narrative given in here is so basically simplistic? maybe i’ve been spoiled by games like 999 and undertale where shit gets messy and that’s not what this is supposed to be but when i play something with multiple endings in this day and age, at least play with the concept a little bit and connect some of the branches together narratively. use different devices. i was also hoping some of the choices would be a little bit meatier like you could choose to “forgive bruce” or something cool like that lol. but it looks like the majority of choices have to do with who lives or dies. and i felt like they couldve been a bit more creative with that ya know? being able to control harvey’s coin was a GREAT example of having some more fun with this.

- it is a huge missed opportunity not to have a “secret ending” on something like this. like where. the fuck. is my secret ending for completing everything. come on. and in a similar vein there should’ve been at least something in terms of bruce and jason interacting in a “true ending”. even if very brief. the closest thing to an ending this has is the “jason died” route and then the ending where he’s talking to clark which i feel like was a REALLY nice good optimistic ending as far as this goes, but it comes off as kind of disappointing i guess

there were SO many interesting nuggets locked into this thing though. i can’t deny it bugs me how many wasted opportunities there were with how they chose to structure things but i guess it’s the best you can do with limited runtime. i thought it was really well done though, makes an interesting companion piece to the original utrh, and is definitely something that i will be re-watching again soon!! overall i give it a 7/10 and some parts an 8/10+!

[irregularjohnnywiggins]

Okay, so I've been working a lot recently on my version of the DCU, particularly the Batman side of it, so quick recap on stuff I did to a variety of the villains:

I lengthened out Harvey Dent's fall from grace extensively, and filled in a lot of the gaps: in most versions I've read (which... isn't many, I'm not that well-versed in Two-Face lore) there's a gap between his introduction and him getting acided, but after said aciding he almost immediately goes to the robbing the Second National Bank on 2nd Street at 2nd Avenue thing, and honestly I think there's way more opportunities with a slowly corrupting man in the role of District Attorney.

Scarecrow doesn't have Fear Toxin at all. He keeps trying to get it, but the ingredients for it are really hard to get so it's only deployed in the extremely rare circumstances that Crane has both all the ingredients and time to make it. What that means is that most of Batman and Scarecrow's fights are elaborate games of theatricality and deception, to steal from Nolan, Scarecrow trying to hide which component of the toxin he's after from Batman and both of them trying to scare the other into giving something away.

There are two distinct versions of Poison Ivy - the first is a femme fatale who uses pheromones to seduce and then kill people and who is regarded as a mentally unstable ecoterrorist, with no-one believing her claims of being an Avatar of the Green. The second is literally Gaia's Vengeance, a supernatural being that is almost completely detached from humanity aside from a few morals and an attachment to Harleen Quinzel as the only doctor to not see her talk of the Green as the core of her problems. The two are sharply divided by that arc from Alan Moore's Swamp Thing when Alec goes to Gotham and beats the shit out of Batman, during which he dropped in on Arkham and taught Ivy everything about this connection to the Green that she couldn't even express because humanity doesn't have a word for it. Also the second version of Ivy works a lot like Batman's version of Mxyzptlk or Circe - an antagonist that Bruce has no chance against in a straight fight, and so he has to convince her that she should stop her plans without registering himself to her as a threat, because if he does he's screwed.

Speaking of Harley, like with Harvey I've lengthened out her backstory and added one key element: she's Batman's contact inside Arkham Asylum, largely because Arkham is still Arkham and she's one of the only people inside actually interested in helping the people locked up in there. Her fall is long, drawn out, and in no small part exacerbated by the institution of Arkham in general, with the guy who dresses as a giant bat being really the only person who doesn't think she's incompetent because she's got boobs and diagnosed schizophrenia.

Ra's al Ghul, on top of being influenced by my love of all things Assassin's Creed, has a constant problem of changing his nemeses. As he's introduced he's more of an Alfred villain than anything else - the reason he's equal parts obsessed with Bruce joining him and laughably bad at selling joining him to Bruce is because 'Get the Detective to join me' is Step 1 on his master plan of getting revenge on Alfred for killing him back in the 60s or 70s whichever is more Bond, and so he genuinely only sees Bruce as a pawn in his game against Alfred. Eventually he clues in and starts treating Bruce as a worthy adversary, but even then he spend more time bothering Tim because hey, corrupting the proxy son of the guy you're fighting worked brilliantly the last time, didn't it?

It should be noted that whilst Ra's elaborate game of pass the antagonist is going on, there's an shadow war between the League of Assassins, who follow Ra's and wear black robes and hoods, and the Order of Assassins led by Nyssa Raatko who wear white robes and hoods with red sashes and blades beneath their wrists have I spelled out what they're a ripoff of yet. Nyssa incidentally is a mishmash of a load of different versions of her - she's in a relationship with Sara Lance like in the Arrowverse, centuries older than Talia like in Death and the Maidens, violently opposed to Ra's cobtinued use of the Lazarus Pits like in the Arkham Knight DLC, and because she's mainly seen in The Hooded Man (i.e. the Green Arrow thing) there's a lot of Nasir from Robin of Sherwood there too.

You would not believe how hard I had to convince myself to not go with The Batman's version of the Riddler. Frankly it's still up in the air, it could go either way, it's either that or Eddie does a couple of brain-teaser crimes before giving up and going into PI work with Gordon. ...actually, fuck it, both of them, I would kill to have a story with Gordon trying to convince people he's completely trustworthy whilst his partner sounds like Freddy Krueger.

Because there's a lot of vampire villains in Batman stories, I just went 'fuck it' and replaced the Court of Owls with a secret community of vampires. They may still have the owl masks, I think they're kinda cool, but there less 'antagonists' and more one more social ill Batman needs to manage as both Batman and Bruce Wayne.

The Killing Joke is not a thing - whilst Babs does become Oracle, the Joker is not at all responsible for it. He may be responsible for Jason's death, I haven't figured that out yet, but he's by no means the multiple mass murderer DC likes to portray him as - he's a hedonist with a taste for puns, he only occasionally kills people and only when it's funny to do so, he's not a serial killer (ironically explaining it like that goes some way to convincing me why he isn't responsible for Jason's death).

He doesn't technically count as a Batman villain, but I honestly think Deathstroke may be my favourite character to write about in this entire thing, and honestly I love everything about him. The key idea behind this - and one I attribute completely to this post on @davidmann95 - is that Slade, convinced that he lives not in the DCU but rather in something like The Boys or a Youngblood comic, is completely oblivious to how the laws of this world work, and so no matter how physically strong he is he keeps getting dunked on by teenagers because that's his place in this world. But more than that - his conviction that he is the hero of this story leads him to miss that literally everyone in his supporting cast is better than him - his children are better fighters, his ex-wife is a better soldier, the person he thinks is his best friend is secretly manipulating him - because Wintergreen's the real supervillain here, in a twist that has a fascinating backstory both in and out of universe. Slade Wilson's life is one hilarious black comedy piece after another, a comedy he's incapable of seeing - and one that, because he acts like he's in a Mark Millar comic, he's completely deserving of.

And I think that's it? There are a few villains - Hush above all else - that I don't want to touch with a ten-foot pole, and a few that I feel don't really need changing - Freeze and Killer Croc spring to mind. And then there's the ones like Penguin or Bane, who I feel like I'd change but I have no real idea of how to change them yet. Expect a reblog with another block of text once I figure that out.

[denouemwnt]

hope

you can also read it in AO3!

pairing: bruce wayne x batmom x batfam

warnings: swearing.

summary: Since your accident with the Joker, the doctors always told you and Bruce that it was impossible for you to have a biological child, you get pregnant, and the whole Bat Family is crazy with the news. But after you and your baby getting kidnapped, will they get to save you from the criminals hands?

request: Hi! I was wondering if you could write one where Batmom is pregnant and she gets kidnapped/injured (but the baby is okay) and batfam goes crazy trying to find her? With a fluffy ending

words: 2016

A/N: I. AM. BACK. I just want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone that has supported my stories even when I disappeared from here. I really hope I get to write more so I can be more active here. ❤

(you can see my masterlist here!)

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Excited laughs echoed through the house, making you curious to know what was happening, but your stomach made a strange noise, insisting for you to continue eating the last piece of chocolate cake Alfred baked. Jason was sitting beside you, reading one of the books you just gave him. It was very uncommon to him to be reading in peace lately, but you were happy he managed to do it after giving to him one of your favorite books of when you were his age. Maybe he just needed a reminder of the things he loved doing.

You got really focused on eating the cake. It was so delicious that you couldn’t resist it, and so the baby slightly kicking your belly. Neither of you could. It was kind of hard sometimes, feeling that much enthusiasm inside you that the baby seemed to have. She was always moving and kicking, so there were a lot of jokes about that it wouldn’t take long for her to be the new Robin, always seeming to have a serious fight inside your belly.

All the talk about Robin and stuff made you insecure again because of that accident a long time ago, the one the doctors said it made impossible for you to have a baby, biologically. But that didn’t stop you from having a great number of amazing kids who gave you so much happiness. You wouldn’t be the same without them. They were as shocked as you when the pregnancy test was positive, you made it three times just to be sure. It was an impossible thing to happen, there wasn’t any chance of it, that was what the doctors said to you and Bruce after you lost your baby.

She was a miracle. A very happy and unexpected one, but she was bringing joy to all the Wayne family since the day you discovered you were pregnant, already charming everyone around her. It changed everything. Aside from the turbulence and nervousness of carrying her inside you for the first time and some people freaking out sometimes with the idea of having a baby in the house in just a few weeks, everything was going well. 

Your name was being called from the living room from three very happy kids, holding a lot of plastic bags with the Walmart name printed on it. “Over here in the kitchen!”, you answered, very curious to know what they bought. You had no idea what they were about to do.

Dick, Stephanie, and Duke placed the bags on the kitchen table right after you finished eating your cake. “What have you guys been up to?” You smile at them, happy to see them together. “We bought the baby some awesome gifts!” Steph gave you a warm smile. “Superhero gifts”, Duke continued. The three of them started pulling out the clothes from the bags, spreading them on the table so you could see. “With Bruce’s money,” Dick murmured and you laughed.

“As much I would love to see this, I’ve gotta go.” Jason closed his book and got up from the chair, whispering a quiet but sweet bye to you and leaving the room.

A head popped up from nothing, observing what was happening after fully appearing on the kitchen, like a normal person. “So after 3 hours, you came back.” They stared at each other for a moment before Duke answers, “We argued a little bit about the clothes.” You asked them to show you what they bought and you could see that they had something else in mind, other than just showing the clothes. And when you saw it, you realize what they were doing. Bruce did too, immediately.

Wonder Woman. Superman. Green Lantern. The Flash. Shazam. Aquaman. All the cute superhero clothes for your daughter to wear, but there was someone missing and they couldn’t hide that it was on purpose.

“Are you guys kidding me? I gave you 500 dollars and there’s not even one Batman thing?” All the eyes turned to you with the loud laugh that left your throat. Bruce was really mad at them for not buying anything Batman related, giving them a lesson that the bat was a true hero.

“Well, Bruce, we are very sorry to crush your dreams but… they don’t even sell this bat guy’s clothes there. Who is he the compared to Superman?” Stephanie tried not to laugh. You looked at your husband, he was angry, but you could see that playful glance on his eyes, ready to show them that Batman was a hero indeed.

And it got serious. Bruce gave you a quick kiss and left the room determined to buy all the Batman things to his daughter. 

_____

Everything was dark when you woke up, feeling lost, wondering where you were. The room was also cold, the chair you were sitting on was very uncomfortable. You had no idea what was happening, what was this place and how you got there. Tears were trying to fall to your cheeks, but you wouldn’t cry, you couldn’t. However, just the feeling of this situation remembers you the time when you lost your first child and you just wanted so badly to touch your belly and feel your baby, who was more agitated than ever. 

The last thing your memory allows you to remember is quickly heading to the nearest fast food place with Damian - who insisted to go with you - to buy the biggest cheeseburger you could get or that would affect the baby. You craved that burger for hours, you couldn’t wait anymore for Bruce to get back from the shop to see all the Batman things he got to your daughter.

You got off the sight of your son. Just one minute and they got you. 

“It is my fault, Father. I shouldn’t have lost her for just a minute.” Suddenly, everyone froze with the reaction of Damian. His hands went to his face, covering the tear that fell to his cheek. “Oh. My. God.” Jason whispered and then continued, “This shit is real serious. We are all going to die.” 

The door opened and your heart almost jumped from your chest. You could tell what all of this was about, but couldn’t they do it some months before or after you had your baby? It would be so much faster to end with it.

“I don’t really need to explain myself, do I? You must be used to it by now.” The man in a mask calmly said. “I honestly don’t give a damn about you, we just get the money and you get back to your family, ok? Simple as that.” You just nodded, seeing how impatient he was. “A few thousand will impact The Wayne like cents.” He continued.

And you were alone again. You and your baby, waiting for your family to show up. Oh, you would love to get out of this chair and kick their asses, but you couldn’t risk her life like that, as much you would love to. You just needed to stay awake and alert. That was it. You needed to-

Bruce felt a single drop of sweat fall from his face. He just sent the money to the group who kidnapped you and there wasn’t any answer from them by now, making him more nervous them before, wondering if you and the baby were fine. He thought it was simple, but then he realized it wasn’t like he thought it would be. They must have planned something else. 

“Something is wrong.” Tim murmured to himself behind his father, trying to find you in the bat-computer. Bruce turned to face the screen, asking him what did he found out. “Mom is not where we thought she was.“

After a few more moments trying to find you, Barbara couldn’t keep to herself what she thought about the situation.

“I think this is not a common kidnapping like someone would do to get money from Bruce Wayne. Maybe, they want something else, maybe her.” Barbara didn’t want to say that, because it would be closer to the truth, but she knew it was a possible option to happen. Bruce stayed quiet for a few minutes, staring at the map of Gotham on the computer, trying to think of where you were.

“Bruce, where are you going?” Dick goes after him. “Batman can’t go there, people will know”.

“I don’t fucking care!” For a moment Bruce shows his fear, but soon hides it behind a plain expression. “I’m going to save them.” He puts on his mask. “Cass, Duke, Jason. You’re coming with me. The rest of you stay here unless I say something. Understand?”

All of them nodded.

_____

You woke up with the sound of someone breaking the door of the room you were imprisoned in. 

“Hey, mom,” Jason whispered. “Oh shit, why are you crying? Did they hurt you?” He kneeled in front of you with his eyes wide. 

“No, no, we are okay. It’s the hormones talking, darling.” You smiled, assuring that you were fine. “Now, please, take us out of here. I didn’t finish my cheeseburger.”

“Yeah, about that... We have to wait until Cass gives me the sign to get out.”

“She is the best of you. I’m sure it will be quick.” You laughed at his face.

“Well then, if you like her so much then I think she can take you out of this room.” He mentioned to leave you there alone.

“Come on Jay, don’t leave your mother like that. Now take me out of these ropes.”

Cass gave Jason the sign to take you to the Batwing, but when you were living the room a guy appeared in front of you. You ran to the opposite side of the room so Jason started fighting him, soon joined by Bruce and Cass. In the middle of the fight, two more guys showed up.

“Tim, you said that the building was clean!” Duke screamed and ran to you. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, shit.” You stared at the liquid on the floor. “If you guys don’t beat the shit outta them I’m going to have my baby at this fucking floor!” You screamed in pain. “Go end this fight, Duke”

The pain was consuming you. The baby was supposed to be born in a few weeks. Not. Now. Not while her father and her siblings were fighting the guys who kidnapped her mother.

Bruce quickly saw your condition and the last man fell on the floor.

“Let’s go, Y/N. Everything is going to be okay.” He kissed your temple and carried you to the jet.

You husband was beside you, already dressed as Bruce Wayne, taking care of you until the car got you to the hospital. Cass, Jason, and Duke were getting the plane in a safe place.

Bruce got his phone to warn the rest of the family. “Alfred, tell-”

“We are on our way, Master Wayne.”

_____

You and your husband couldn’t stop smiling at her, such a beautiful baby. Every single one of the family couldn’t wait to hold her, but she needed to be checked by the doctors soon. Only you and Bruce were the ones who got to have her in your arms, admiring how much happiness she brought after that awful moment.

“So, thoughts on our last discussion about names?” He places your daughter carefully on your arms.

Until that moment, you and your husband had an idea of her first name, but you hadn’t decided yet the baby’s middle name. With your daughter in your arms and Bruce beside you with a bright smile on his face, you suggested: “What do you think of Hope?”. He stared at his baby for a minute. It was perfect. He was just the happiest man at that moment, with the family he never thought he could have. Bruce sighed, one arm around you while caressing his daughter’s tiny hand. 

“Welcome to this world, D/N Hope Wayne. You’ve got a mini Batmobile waiting for you at home.”

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You can go to my masterlist to read more of my batmom series and my other batfam stories!

Feedback is always welcome ❤️

[chibinightowl]

Cycle of Life

I reblogged this prompt a few months ago and have been working on this ever since. It’s beast and very different from anything I’ve ever written. To be honest, I’ve never been challenged so much by something before and I’m very pleased with how it turned it.

I also want to give a massive shoutout to @redrobinfection. This would not be complete with you! 

~*~

After you die, you end up in a room with a book and a pen in front of you; Your job, to write the life story of a someone just born, just as someone did for you. Everything they do, think, or experience is up to you. #wordsnstuff

Jason thought he was used to the universe playing one cosmic joke on him after another. How else could he explain the complete and utter clusterfuck that was his life? He could admit that were some high points (he didn’t care what anyone said, when he first put on that uniform, Robin was magic ), but there were more low points than anything else.

He was tired of it. Tired of fighting a fight he could never win. Tired of seeking acceptance from someone who would never give it to him. Sure, he marched to the beat of his own drum more often than not, but it was a lonely path.

So when that bullet caught him in the thigh and nicked his femoral artery, he didn’t complain. Much. Jason kept shooting until his bullets ran out. The strap he barely had a chance to tie in place over the wound wasn’t able to keep up the pressure, not with how he forced his body to twist and turn to provide cover for his replacement, who was dealing with an injured demon bird.

The silence echoed around them as the last of the gunfire disappeared. “How’s he lookin’?” Jason ground out through gritted teeth. He was losing blood fast, he could feel it.

“He’ll be fine,” Tim replied somewhat stiffly. He’d taken a good hit to the ribs earlier; Jason wouldn’t be surprised if he’d managed to crack one, even with the armor they all wear. “B and N are on their way. ETA is five.”

Five minutes too long as far as Jason was concerned. He knew what those dark spots in his vision meant. The quick breathing and the rapid heartbeat. Hopefully the replacement would think he was just riding the high from a good, but stressful, fight. It was time to get out of here.

“You okay to cover this position?” Jason checked, trying to keep his breathing level. “I’m pretty sure I got the guy who was sniping us, but better safe than sorry.”

Tim waved him off without a word, his attention on the still unconscious Damian. The kid had taken a solid thwack to the head when one of the now deceased mooks decided to throw him into a metal shipping container. This was why Jason wore a helmet these days.

Not that it was doing him much good right now.

Jason took one last look at his replacement and the demon bird. It was better this way. Really. No muss, no fuss.

He managed to stay upright as he left the protection of their somewhat dubious cover, but as soon as he turned the corner, Jason let himself collapse against the shipping container. He wasn’t worried about getting shot again. The sniper had been good, but he was better. It was getting harder to breathe. The clasps for his hood gave way under his questing fingers. If these were his last moments on earth, then by God, he was going to breathe fresh air.

Or what passed for fresh air here in the shipping yards. Still, as he slid to the ground and tossed his helmet aside, the moon on the water was pretty. Much better than last time and the flashing red numbers that counted down his final seconds.

In the distance, he thought he heard a voice shouting. Jason didn’t turn his head, preferring to stare out over the water rather than at his older brother. A small smile cracked his lips. Go fucking figure that only now would he admit he had brothers. Three of them. And a sister, even if she was halfway around the world right now.

The shouting grew closer and farther away at the same time, as though it were echoing down some long tunnel. He heard his name and felt someone drop down heavily next to him. “Jason!”

He ignored them and kept his eyes trained on the moonlit water for as long as he could. Hands started pawing at him, trying to find where he was wounded. They were up too high, which they’d find out soon enough.

This time was better, Jason decided as his eyes dropped shut, embracing the soothing darkness that drowned out Dick’s shouts. Much better.

~*~*~

Waking up wasn’t something Jason expected. Waking up laying on his back wearing a comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt wasn’t part of the plan either. Death was the eternal sleep, one he never wanted to wake up from because dammit, it wasn’t as though he slept all that well in the first place. He’d been looking forward to playing catch-up for the rest of eternity.

Still, as he sat up to look around, it could be worse. He could be in Gotham, trapped in the cave below the Manor to the tender loving mercies of Alfred and Leslie. A twinge of guilt flashed through him. Alfred. Now there was someone he wouldn’t have minded having the chance to say good-bye to. His second death would undoubtedly hit the old man hard.

Jason took in the four rough cut walls around him. He was in some sort of cabin, with the windows wide open and fresh air (real fresh air, just like he imagined it would smell and taste like; no more of the smog choked air of Gotham) and sunshine streaming in. He rose cautiously from the low bed and his bare feet came in contact with a soft rug. A pair of boots sat over the door.

What the fuck was going on? He shook his head, trying to dispel the last of the wooziness from his awakening.

A cursory inspection of the cabin revealed he was the only one here. It was well stocked with food and other provisions he needed. Clothing for all seasons was found in the closet and books lined one of the cabin walls in neat shelves. He discovered there was plumbing in the small kitchen. Even the bathroom had plumbing too, which Jason was privately grateful for because outhouses just weren’t his thing, city boy that he was. There seemed to be some rudimentary electrical setup too, generator operated, which gave him cause to wonder about the power source. A sheathed hunting knife rested on a small table next to the door, but no guns. He even found fishing tackle.

The most curious thing of all though was the well-appointed writing desk that sat up against one of the open windows. It was a writer’s dream, with plenty of paper, pens, pencils, clips, and binders all neatly arranged and ready to go. Even the lighting was perfect and Jason was under no impression that if he were to sit in that office chair, he’d find it would contour to his body as well.

Rather than sit down, Jason put on socks and the boots, grabbed the knife, and stepped outside.

He swore instantly. “Son of a bitch.” Looking around, he knew where he was.

It was his dream of what heaven looked like. The vibrant forest around him was just as he always imagined it would appear. A breeze blew gently through the trees, rustling leaves as it passed. A squirrel chittered at something unseen and there was bird song in the distance. There was even a pond, which he was willing to bet was stocked with more than just fish, but little painted turtles too. It was the complete opposite of everything he ever knew, the quiet solitude a definite contrast to the loud cacophony of the city.

In other words, it was a transcendentalist’s dream. This quiet corner of eternity was now his.

“I really died this time,” he muttered to himself. “Well, isn’t that just a kick in the ass?”

“Well, that’s how it was written.”

Jason whirled around and looked back inside the cabin. On the couch before the fireplace was a man dressed all in white. At first glance, he looked kind of like Morgan Freeman. Sounded like him too. But that couldn’t be right. In his ideal afterlife, there wasn’t anyone but him and his books.

The figure smiled knowingly. “And you’ll certainly get that, Jason. After all, with the life you’ve had, you deserve some peace and quiet.”

Fingering the knife, Jason stepped back inside, looking around again in case he’d missed anyone else. He knew the place had been empty when he stepped out. Was positive of it. “Who’re you?” he asked, trying and failing at politeness.

“I’m the one who built this little place for you,” the dark skinned man said. He really did sound like Morgan Freeman, which was all kinds of messed up. “Got everything ready for your arrival. I knew it was coming.” He held up a thickly bound book.

Jason narrowed his eyes. “You’re not one of the Endless.” He’d heard of them before, stories he wasn’t supposed to have heard between Bruce and Dinah one night after Black Canary returned to the cave with them and discussing Dr. Fate. Death was supposed to be some goth chick and there was another…Dream, was it? Destiny? One of them was supposed to have a book bound to them.

“The Endless are a rather amusing conceit,” the man replied. “Very original, even if lacking in reality.”

“And this is real?” Jason can’t help the sarcasm. He was more confused now than he was before.

“This is very real.” The Morgan Freeman figure stood and walked around the sofa to lean against the desk. “Where else are you going to write the next tale?”

Jason really wished he had a gun right now. The urge to shoot the man grew stronger by the second. “Me? Write? I’m a reader, buddy, not a writer.”

“That’s what you all say at first,” the man stated in that honey smooth voice. “But you soon grow to enjoy it.”

“So what is this then? I write a story for my room and board here in Heaven?” It was a novel idea, he’d grant them that. He bit back the smirk for his cheesy pun.

“More than that,” the man replied. “You get to write the story of someone's life. Everything, from the moment they’re born to the moment they die. Their life, thoughts, experiences, that’s all up to you.”

“Are you for real?” Jason laughed and shook his head. “This has got to be some kind of joke.”

The man shook his head as well. “It’s no joke. You’ll write a story for someone’s life just as someone else wrote the story of yours.”

Jason grew still, his rage instantly boiling underneath the surface. “They what?”

“You heard me.”

“Yeah. I really wish I hadn’t because what the fuck? Someone sat here and wrote a goddamned story about just how fucked up my life was? What the shit? I died once already and I don’t remember any of this!”

“That’s because it was part of your story,” the man replied calmly. “You weren’t supposed to come here the first time. You were always meant to wake up and experience that second life.”

Jason thought he was going to be sick. The very thought that someone sat there and wrote all the things that happened to him, all the traumas he experienced, just for shits and giggles to pay their passage into heaven? No. Fucking no. Who could be that cruel?

This wasn’t Heaven. It was Hell, even if the package it was wrapped up in looked all nice and pretty. “What happens when I’m done?”

“Then you’re free to move on.” The man stood up straight and tugged at the ends of his sleeves, adjusting the cuffs. “You can take some time here to think things over, come up with your plot. The blue binder here has instructions and some general guidelines for you to follow, but overall, the life you write is yours, whatever you want it to be. I’ll check in with you periodically. Until then…” He winked and vanished into thin air.

Which was good because the hunting knife embedded itself in the wall right where his head had been. Jason’s aim wasn’t off just because he was dead. “Fuck,” he swore vehemently. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck, FUCK! ”

~*~*~

Jason purposefully avoided the writing desk for several days as he tried to calm down and think about the situation. Difficult didn’t even begin to describe it because if there was ever a time to have an existential crisis, this was it. Who was he, really? Everything he ever thought, believed, experienced, you name it, it was all a sham. He was nothing more than a character in a book written by some jackwagon paying their own way into paradise.

They must have thought they were so clever, creating the entire mythos of Bruce, Clark, Diana, every single superhero and villain…At the same time, a small part of him admired it because the ability to construct an entire world with such a colorful (literally in some cases) cast of characters was simply amazing.

He was torn between wanting to kill them and shake their hand, which pissed him off even more.

Avoiding the cabin soon became his number one goal, so Jason passed the time by traipsing around the forest, learning the limits of his little world. It was bigger than he initially expected, taking about a day in any direction to reach the end. And what an end…sun-dappled forest giving way to a cliff overlooking the rest of eternity. He was on his own little island of existence, the dark nothingness of space all around him and countless numbers of stars shining in the distance. Jason spent a day and a night sitting on the edge of that cliff, just staring and trying to take it all in.

The only thing he determined was that each star had to be its own little pocket of the afterlife. Which meant there were others here, stuck in the same situation, wrapped up in various thoughts about life, death, and the vicious cycle they found themselves in. Or were these all places he could go to after his own solitary exile was done? Islands of possibilities, heaven to some and hell to others? Jason narrowed his eyes. Out there somewhere in the sea of infinity was his own creator. All that mattered right now was getting out of here so that he could find them and have a few choice words with them. Followed by a few choice maimings because it wasn’t as though death was an option here. A bullet between the eyes was too good for them.

So, how to do it? Was there a way around writing the damned story?

Well, if there was one thing the person who created him did right, it was that they made him a survivor. Jason Todd took shit from no one and did things his way. It still didn’t mean he didn’t want to tear this person to shreds for the kind of life they gave him. He took a great amount of pleasure imagining it.

Seriously, he was beaten within an inch of his life and blown up at age fifteen by a fucking clown. He clawed his way out of his grave. Closed in spaces, especially ones with poor ventilation, gave him the heebie-jeebies to this day. All of his memories, they were real . He lived them. Every. Single. One. What kind of fucked up mind created all this? They may as well have added in a hotline for readers to call in and interact with the story.

Press one for him to live. Press two for him to die.

The cliff became Jason’s place to think, whether they were deep and ponderous thoughts on the meaning of reality, predetermination, and fate or burning rage where he railed against his situation and threw curses out into the infinite. He walked the full circumference of his island many times, one large circle in the middle of nowhere.

Jason would often stand on the cliff’s edge, just staring blankly off into the void, his brain as quiet as everything around him. There was a calming effect thinking about nothing. A balm on his ripped and tattered soul. Nothing mattered anymore. He was the epitome of nobody and everybody. All the things he thought were so important, that he believed in, were figments of someone else’s imagination.

A thought skittered across his still pond, disturbing his serenity with the ripples in its wake. What was the point in it all? Why should he write someone else’s story only for them to go through this same thing when they die? His creator made him a rebel, so…

Without even thinking it through, Jason stepped over the edge.

This was him, rebelling.

Or he would be, if he could just fall properly. The familiar rush of air flowing past him, the sensation of motion, gravity tugging him closer and closer to the ground were all absent. Oh, he was falling, and the stars, no other worlds, were all around him, but he was no closer to them than he was before. Jason looked up and saw nothing.

But for all that he felt the absence of gravity, it sure hit him in the face when he landed hard on the ground at the top of the cliff.

“Ow.”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Jason refused to even spare the man a glance. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like you’re trying to get out of writing a book.” The man didn’t sound upset at all. If anything, he was amused.

“I refuse to put someone else through this complete and utter bullshit. Nothing matters anymore.” Jason rolled over. Above him, the leaves rustled in the gentle breeze, revealing the confluence where his blue sky met the inky black of infinity. The borders of his prison.

“Doesn’t it though?” The man sat down beside him, heedless of grass stains on his white linen suit. “Everything you know, everything you’ve learned, experienced, remember, that’s all you. It was real and nobody is taking that away from you. Part of the human experience is to learn and grow, just as it is to pass on those experiences to the next generation, so to speak.”

“How does that even work?” Jason retorted sourly. “How does progress occur if we’re limited by the breadth of our own experiences?”

“You’re only limited by your imagination,” the man replied with a wry grin. “You’re a rather well-read individual, so you tell me.”

Jason refused to fall into that trap. Still, there was one thing he wanted to know. “You said everything that essentially makes me, well, me , happened. Does that mean everything I’ve read was real too?”

“Yes. A novel within a novel, so to speak. But honestly, if you’d just read the binder, you would have been past this point already.”

“The binder is my bible?” Jason said derisively.

“If you choose to look at it that way.” The man stood and ran his hands over his pants, shaking loose little pieces of grass. “You’re welcome to write whatever strikes your fancy, Jason. When you’re done, you’re free to go wherever you want.”

He was gone before Jason could respond.

Not that it stopped him from shouting into the void. “I’m holding you to that, you creepy Morgan Freeman wannabe!”

There was a faint laugh on the back of the wind.

For the first time in what felt like an age, Jason returned to his cabin. But rather than start reading the damned binder, he took a long overdue shower. Afterwards, he explored the kitchen again. Hunger didn’t seem to be part of his routine anymore, but he made himself a sandwich from what he found in the pantry. Nothing was spoiled from when he was here before. In fact, it still looked as pristine as it did when he first found it.

Jason could agree with Bruce on this one. He hated magic.

Sandwich finished, he collapsed heavily into the office chair and glared at the binder. If he had heat vision, it would be in cinders, along with the rest of the desk. He didn’t want to do this, but it was glaringly obvious just how much of a choice he didn’t have. His one goal was to meet the motherfucker who screwed him over and kill them, never mind how impossible such a feat may be considering they were both dead. This person wrote Jason to be creative and vindictive, so he’s sure he can find a way to make their afterlife miserable.

Once his own story was done.

With that in mind, he opened the binder.

~*~*~

The binder didn’t suck as much as Jason expected it to. In fact, it was really fucking helpful. That didn’t stop him from chucking it against the wall when he realized it because he could have been a month into this damn thing and that much closer to the end. Not to mention, as soon as he read the part about supplemental learning materials to help with his writing, a new bookcase appeared out of nowhere filled with everything he could possibly dream of; the topics even changed as he thought of something new.

Jason lost a few months just sitting there reading, one tangent leading into the next. It was all fascinating, but he found himself missing having someone there to talk to about what he had learned. Someone to argue with. The little turtle in the pond that he sort of made friends with wasn’t much of a conversationalist. And forget the birds; they just came for the breadcrumbs.

When he realized exactly how much time had passed, he swore six ways to Sunday and pulled himself away to return to the binder.

His instructions were simple, just like the man had said. He was to write the life of someone just born. All their thoughts, actions, beliefs, experiences, the whole nine yards. It was all up to him. No copping out by writing the infant’s death within hours of birth. No, he had to give them a full life.

Jason had been 23 when he died for good. Young to be sure, but he can’t say it had been empty or lacking in experience. He glanced out the open window, at the sun dappled pond where the light breeze rippled across the surface. “A child soldier,” he muttered. “That’s what you made me, whoever you are. Well, let’s turn this story around.”

Ever since he’d learned he had to write this story, only one made sense to him. There was nothing against it in the binder either.

He would rewrite the story of his life and have it turn out the way he wished it would. This was one thing eternity had given him so far…the time to think. There was a fair amount of good things that happened to him, which was easy to lose track of under the fuckton of shit that occurred as well. For once, he was going to focus on the good. That didn’t mean certain things weren’t going to happen though. These events helped shape who he turned into, how he thought, and what he believed.

For all the shit he gave Bruce, there was still one indomitable truth Jason held dear.

Robin gave him magic. So Robin this new kid would become.

Jason picked up his pen and started writing.

The early years were the hardest. Trying to write the mindset of an infant, then a toddler, was challenging, even with the tips provided by the binder. It wasn’t until the new kid (whom he named after himself; this kid was him, so why not?) got to about age five that it started becoming easier, even as thoughts became more complex.

Little Jason didn’t have quite the same childhood that dead Jason did. Sure, he still grew up in the Bowery, but Willis Todd was around a bit more often and Catherine Todd managed to get and hold a job at a diner in the neighborhood. Food wasn’t exactly plentiful but he didn’t starve. Willis was still an asshole though, so when he finally left, it wasn’t the end of the world. Well, it was to little Jason, but he focused on helping his mom instead, especially once it became apparent she was sick and wasn’t getting better. Stealing became a way of life in order to help make ends meet. He was good at it too.

This part hurt to write, so Jason took a break. Wandering through his forest helped, as did sitting by the pond and fishing. He just needed to sort out his thoughts. In this story, Sheila Haywood didn’t exist. She was never his mother and he’d been a fool to ever believe otherwise. By eliminating her from the picture altogether, the whole mess in Ethiopia would never happen.

But it brought up something Jason hadn’t pondered yet; he’d been avoiding it actually.

The Joker.

This was his story, so what did he want to do with the Joker? He had a chance here to right some wrongs, not only his own, but Barbara’s as well. Her shooting and subsequent paralysis turned her into one of the most powerful figures on the planet, one whose real face only a select few in the hero community even knew, so well-guarded was her secret. What Babs made herself into was awe-inspiring, even if it was just the work of his writer. He forced himself to remember that these events did happen; it was all real, so to think of it as a work of fiction took away something quintessential from her.

Jason sighed as he lounged on the little wooden pier. Hanging over the edge as he was, he could see fish swimming around lazily in the water. “Damned if I do and damned if I don’t,” he muttered, not expecting a reply.

“Plot issue?”

He yelped in surprise, jerking up and around to take stock of his visitor. There was the man in white at the end of the pier closest to shore, completely at ease with his hands in the pockets of his loose fitting trousers. “Do you have a bell or something you could ring before just randomly appearing outta nowhere?”

“Nope!” the man replied cheerfully, making his way down the dock to sit next to him. “But I will admit, I’m glad to see you’ve finally buckled down. Made some good process too.”

“You reading over my shoulder?”

The man laughed, all rich and plummy in that smooth voice of his. “That would be spoiling things.”

Jason narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “I’m rewriting my life.”

“I thought you might,” the man nodded slowly. “Considering everything that happened, it’s only natural to want to see a better ending.”

“That bother you at all?”

“Of course not.” The man stared off into the distance for a time before turning his attention back on Jason. “I assume the new boy will live longer than you?”

Jason scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Duh. I’m just trying to decide if something horrible that happened in my story should occur in this one. You said everyone was real, right?” He had to double check.

“I did. Every single person was real. Even the ones who weren’t technically people at all. You had a lot of monsters in your story.”

It came across as an idle comment, but Jason picked up the slightest hint of reproach. “Hey, I didn’t write them,” he replied.

The man eyed him for a moment. “No, you didn’t,” he agreed. “So, at the risk of a spoiler, what are you debating about having happen again?”

Jason glanced back out over the water. He felt sick for even contemplating it. “Barbara and the Joker shooting her.”

“Ah,” the man replied, nodding slowly. “You weren’t there that night, but you read the report and the news after.”

“Yeah.” God, he was still broken up over that night. He’d been on a school trip, one he’d been so excited about at the time. His guilt nearly ate him alive when he returned home.

“I wish I could help, but that’s against the rules. Still, I will leave you with this.” The man stood and gazed down at Jason. “Think it through. The choices you make now will impact the story later. Also, for what it’s worth, I thought Barbara was a very engaging character, especially once she came into her own.”

With that bit of supposedly sage advice, he disappeared.

“Fucking useless,” Jason mumbled to the turtle who poked its head above the water for some air. “Just useless.”

The turtle just blinked at him and swam away.

~*~*~

It took Jason a few days to make a decision. When he did, he started writing again.

Catherine Todd died when little Jason was 12. She didn’t succumb to heroin addiction; instead, she got over her pride and went to the Free Clinic in Crime Alley and extended her life by a couple of years with the treatments Leslie gave her there. Now an orphan, the doctor took little Jason (or Jay as Jason started thinking of him) under her wing while Social Services tried to place him in a proper foster home.

While that was going on, Jay wandered the streets he knew all too well, day and night, to distract him from his painful memories.

And then, finally, the fateful night arrived. Jay saw the Batmobile parked in an alley one night. He only felt spite towards the big bad Bat. What had he ever done for him? He never came to Crime Alley, never kept people like his dad from beating on him and his mom. He didn’t save people like his mom, too weak to work and provide for her young son. Jay couldn’t hurt Batman, but he could embarrass him.

Steal his tires and make him walk home.

Yeah.

Jason knew he was channeling too much of himself into this scene, but he couldn’t help it. This was the night everything changed.

He wove a new narrative starting that night, one where Bruce wasn’t quite so lost to his consuming quest for justice. Yes, he was still horrible about expressing emotions, which led to arguments, but that what teenager didn’t think their parental figure was a douche sometimes? Jay had a better relationship with Dick too. Sure, it was rocky at first, but Dick soon learned having a little brother wasn’t a horrible thing after all.

A few years passed. Jay was Robin and having the time of his life. It wasn’t easy and there was a ton of hard work to put into it, but the rewards were more than worth it, as far as he was concerned. It was magical.

Then the Joker shot Babs, destroying Jay’s world that nothing really bad ever happened to the good guys.

Jason wrote the next few months quickly, trying very hard to keep his own experience of that time from coloring his narration. His world started spiraling around that time, but this wasn’t happening here. No, while Jay dealt with his anger, he unexpectedly made a new friend.

Enter Tim Drake.

This was something Jason took another long break to think over before he continued. He and his replacement had a long and complicated history, but with his newfound perspective on things, he decided the little shit wasn’t actually half bad. In fact, if he hadn’t died when he did the first time, he and Tim may have become friends on their own.

It had to take dying a second time for Jason to realize it.

“Never let it be said I can’t learn from my mistakes,” he said to the turtle one evening as he fished from the dock. The little painted turtle bore the brunt of his random musings. At least now it didn’t swim away whenever Jason spoke to it. Instead, it would sit on the stump Jason dragged into the pond one afternoon, giving it a spot to sun itself.

The turtle blinked at him.

“I mean, Tim wasn’t really that bad. Sure, he was kind of a dick, but we all were.” It was easier to refer to everyone in the past tense. His story was over after all, so theirs were too. “I like the idea of little me and tiny stalker Tim being friends. Why not? It’s better than what happened to me next.”

Jason went with it.

Jay and tiny stalker Tim met one stormy night when the skies overhead were about to explode with an unseasonably ferocious storm that came out of nowhere. Robin saved Tim after he slipped on a fire escape and almost broke his neck in the subsequent fall. Things progressed and Jay learned tiny Tim knew his big secret, knew Dick’s identity, as well as that of Bruce’s. For his own protection, even though Bruce didn’t want him to, Jay started training Tim.

It was interesting how the new narrative flowed so easily despite the changes. It was still dark, but there was a hell of a lot more hope than his ever had. He wasn’t around for when Bane broke Bruce or the massive earthquake that destroyed Gotham, but his story didn’t need those events. No, it was taking on a life of its own and deviating so much from what Jason considered his timeline that it was starting to feel like a completely different story altogether.

He was okay with that.

Jay had the chance to outgrow Robin and pass it on to his replacement. Tim’s mom still died, but Jack lived and was a semi-decent father, if somewhat clueless to what was going on when Tim’s friend Jay came over to their Upper West Side apartment. They’d sneak out onto the roof and spar. Over summer vacation, Bruce created a fictional study program for Tim to travel to Europe where he encountered Shiva and ended up training under her instead. Jason had always found it hilarious that his replacement had been trained by Shiva at one point; little goody two shoes knew some vicious moves that never saw the light of day until he became Red Robin.

As boys so often did, they grew up. Jay graduated high school and went on to go to an Ivy League university, something Jason always dreamed of. His degree wasn’t in literature like so many people expected of him; it was medicine. Alfred and Leslie wouldn’t be around to patch them up forever, so someone had to take the initiative and learn to do it right. This was when he gave Robin to Tim. He’d been training hard for this moment and deserved it.

Bruce was so proud of him, even if he had a hard time admitting it. Still, Jay was fluent in reading Bruceisms, so it was clear as day to him. He was away at university when Damian made his first appearance. Bruce being Bruce, he kept the news quiet, so it was Tim who informed him, showing up with a bandage around his throat from where he’d had the blade of a sword held against it.

This was where the story started getting tricky and Jason had to stop writing again to plot things out. First and foremost, if he kept going on the way he was, Jay wasn’t going to end up married to some nice girl or even Donna Troy. Nope, he was going to end up with Tim.

So how did he feel about that?

Jason didn’t have a lot of experience with relationships and he could honestly count the number of meaningful sexual encounters he’d had while alive on one hand. Which was just sad, but that’s how his story was written.

“This needs some research,” he announced to his turtle friend.

It blinked at him in reply, just like it always did.

A couple months later (Jason was thorough in his perusal of the ever-so-helpful supplementary materials bookcase), he had his answer. “Why the fuck not?” he mumbled as he picked up his pen once again.

Shit happened, of course, because this was Gotham after all but that whole battle for the cowl fiasco never happened and while Tim did disappear for a while after Dick took Robin away from him, he kept in touch with Jay, who was the only person who believed him when he said Bruce was still alive and Darkseid didn’t kill him. They both had a great time saying fuck you to Dick when Tim came back with his proof. Bruce returned, just as grumpy as usual and Jay went back to college, because med school was a bitch who didn’t wait for anyone.

It was when Tim finally started university that they attempted some semblance of a relationship. The whole thing was cheesy and awkward, but suited the two of them like the massive dorks they both were at heart.

Jason wrote about their eventual marriage, how they adopted a couple of kids of their own because Jay never really took up a hero name after he became a doctor. Dick took to calling him Redwing and it stuck. Tim was Red Robin, so they were Red and Red, which worked for them. They mourned the eventual death of Alfred together, and didn’t let Bruce drive them away after his spectacular explosion which revealed just how incapable he was of dealing with grief. Tim took over Wayne Enterprises for a time, a fact that Damian didn’t like, but he’d long since learned that he wasn’t exactly cut out for the business world, especially one where the board of directors outvoted him at every turn.

Doctor Jay saved all their lives at one point or another on his surgical table down in the Batcave.

He saved lives instead of taking them.

In a way, Jason decided this was his atonement for all the death and destruction, all the pain and suffering he’d caused his family. Even if everything he knew was gone, they all lived on in him. This was his way of honoring their memories, by giving them a version of him that was a better man, one who was affected by all he’d seen and experienced and did something to actually help.

As he approached the end of the story, Jason grew a little misty eyed. But he stuck with it, writing Jay’s death with him surrounded by his loved ones. Tim, his children, even his grandchildren. Heroes, every single one in their own unique way.

He set his pen down and rubbed at his eyes. It was finally done.

“Emotional?” a voice asked from the doorway to the cabin. “You’ve been at it for a long time.”

“Fuck you,” Jason growled and pushed away from his desk. “I’m done. I did what you asked for. Here’s your fucking story.” He slammed the final page onto one of the massive stacks that sat beside the desk on the floor. There were more papers than he remembered sitting there.

“You did.” The man in white entered the room and approached the desk, the massive story Jason had written. “You didn’t try cutting corners either, from the looks of it.”

“I said I was gonna rewrite my story, so that’s what I did. That kid in there gets to live a long and full life, surrounded by the ones he loves and who love him in return.” Jason swallowed against the lump forming in his throat.

The man didn’t miss it. “Something the matter, son?”

What was the point in lying to someone who could probably see through him from a million miles away? “Just…a little jealous, I suppose,” Jason admitted. “I’ve lost count of the months, years, I’ve been working on this story. Hell, probably even decades. You could say I’m attached to it.”

“Well, that’s good then.” The man beamed at him and touched the papers. Under his dark fingers, they shimmered before disappearing.

“What the fuck?” Jason shouted and lunged at his afterlife’s work. It couldn’t be gone. “No!”

“Just relax,” the man said and a light reappeared where the stack had been, coalescing into a large, heavily bound book. “A story is much easier to read when it looks like this.”

Jason sank to his knees as relief tore through him. “Christ, give a man some warning.”

“Sorry.” He didn’t sound very sorry as he hefted the book. “So, you’re free to go, Jason. Where do you want me to send you? It can be anywhere you like.”

It had been so long since Jason had even thought about taking revenge on his writer that the reminder was jarring. The urge to maim and destroy had dimmed so much that it was almost a non-existent ember within him. So much for revenge.

He sighed heavily and glanced at his book. “To be honest, there’s only one place I really want to go.”

“Oh? And where’s that?”

Jason nodded at the book. “There. That life right there, it’s everything I didn’t know I wanted.”

The Morgan Freeman lookalike smiled beatifically, like a proud father whose overly stubborn son just came into the light. “Then come into the garden you created, Jason. It’s where you’re meant to be. Just like the one who came before you and wrote your story.”

Jason’s head jerked up. “What?” he asked, startled.

“The one who wrote your story? When she was done, she also stepped into the pages. Just like every other person before you has.”

Scowling, Jason rose to his feet. “So the choice to go wherever I want was all an illusion?” Go fucking figure. The afterlife was nothing more than a book-churning factory. All those distant stars, each one containing a soul locked in place until they enter their stories to live again. What a crappy version of reincarnation.

“Not exactly,” the man replied. “You already said you want to enter your story. Is that really so bad of a place to go?”

“No, but that’s beside the point. You said I could go where I want. What if I didn’t want to go there?” He pointed at the book. “What if I want to stay right here and just read for the rest of eternity?”

The man laughed loudly, a rich rumble that no doubt was supposed to put him at ease. “Actually, you could do that. You earned it by writing this monster.” He hefted the book. “The only problem is this life won’t have a chance to be born until you enter the pages. A break is all well and good, but wouldn’t it be a waste to let this version of you not have a chance to live?”

It was the guilt trip of all guilt trips. “Fuck. You.”

“Do you really want that break, Jason?” the man asked in a mild voice. It was like being lectured by Alfred. “You’ve earned it. But more than anything, I know you just want to be happy. So why delay that chance?”

The spiteful urge to say no rose up in Jason. He stalled by glancing at the bookcase, at all the books he’d read and reread, as well as all the ones he’d meant to get to eventually. The desire within him to finish them died. He knew he wouldn’t enjoy them, not knowing what he did now. Here he was, still getting dicked over.

At least it was going to be a long time before he was in this position again. And who knew what Jay would write, once he woke up and grieved for the loss of everything he loved. But Jay was also a realist and a survivor; he would get over it enough to do his part. Hell, perhaps he’d even write the adventure story he and Tim were constantly joking about within the pages of his book. Thinking on it, Jason was almost positive he would. It would be Jay’s tribute to Tim and his way of keeping their love alive.

And since he was technically Jay now, it would be a story that he would write at some distant point in the future.

“I want to go on the record by saying this fucking sucks and your afterlife can go eat a dick.” Jason huffed and crossed his arms, looking everywhere but at the man in white. “So how does this fucking work?”

The man approached him and held out the book. “When you’re ready, just open it and start reading.”

Was he ready? Again with the illusion of choice. Jason shook his head as he opened the book. “Goodbye to me.”

He vanished in a flash of light into the pages. The book landed on the floor of the cabin with a hard thunk.

The man in white stooped over to pick it up. “Always so stubborn,” he said and took a seat on the sofa. “Now let’s see how things change this time.”

He started to read.

[anniemar]

Vikings 5x08 (The Joke)

Thoughts. Ladies and gentlemen, in which Bjorn Ironside out-Ivars Ivar. 

The Adventures of Bjorn Ironside: Previously on Vikings ... women are as fickle as the moon eh? Well look-y here we have Bjorn Ironside kissing his brand new love/bride/ball chewer as he goes off to battle. And Torvi looks on. 

Ubbe then walks off with Torvi, who never encouraged his advances. 

And Margrethe looks on. 

Wamen. Fickle. As. The. Moon. 

Somewhere in Norway: Ivar calls Heahmund “YOUR GRACE”. He’s like a kid calling to his crush at school and his crush is like “SHHHH I don’t want people to think we know each other!” The bishop does get his sword back, and without much thanks. You’d think he’d be a little more THANKS MAN YOU CAN COUNT ON ME IVAR like he was last episode. Alas ... 

But I would have you know that it’s the WAMEN that are the fickle ones. 

And I want to tap Ivar on the shoulder and be like “dude, he’s just not that into you.” 

#teamlagertha: “A civil war can only bring tragedy” says Bjorn. He watched the Marvel movie. He knows. 

No one on #teamlagertha actually wants to fight. Ubbe is like, “Ivar if you can forgive me, let’s have an accord” (he also saw the Marvel movie). Bjorn wants an accord too. They all want accords! ... as accords worked out so well in the Marvel movie. Lagertha makes some speech about Ivar being a potential usurper, how sad it would be ... and it would be great and all, if she wasn’t actually an usurper herself and Ivar is just sitting there like SURE BITCH WHATEVER. 

And then, surprisingly, he seems to back down, but ... 

#teamivar: SIKE HAHAHA THE JOKE IS ON Y’ALL. MEAD IN YO FACE. 

You can sense that Hvitserk is just holding in the facepalm of his life. Everyone is straining from rolling their eyes, giving themselves headaches. THE JOKE IS ON #TEAMLAGERTHA. 

But is it really? Because Ivar had just counseled Halfdan that he gave “what happened between you and Bjorn too great an importance.” 

To which Harald is like “Yeah man, family is stronger.” 

And Ivar agrees. 

DO YOU IVAR? DO YOU REALLY? FAMILY IS SO IMPORTANT? 

And during all of this, Halfdan wants to know who the hell the boring guy with the sword is (Heahmund). Halfdan doesn’t get why he’s fighting, it doesn’t make any sense to him. And Ivar says, “He’s a great warrior ... he doesn’t need anything to make sense.”

To which Heahumnd is like SURE BITCH WHATEVER.  

“You are so cynical Ivar,” says Halfdan. 

AND HALFDAN BECOMES THE WISEST PERSON ON THIS SHOW. I feel like he’s one of the only dudes that actually knows what the fuck he’s doing and why. He’s supporting Bjorn because he saved his life in the desert. But not only that! He’s like “WE ATE A DUDE TOGETHER YOU GUYS you don’t understand!” Bjorn was there for him when he thought he was going to bed with a lady and she ended up not being one! THEY ARE BROS 4-LIFE. 

And Heahmund is just basically like ... jesus christ what a bunch of heathens. 

Listen you guys. The motivations and continuity of characters is SO BAD for so many of these dudes that my mind is melting over here, trying to keep it straight. Even Halfdan, I was into him this episode, he seemed steadfast, I respect that, but I can’t shake the feeling that his words from the first episode of the season will come back around. When he told his brother that “he’d always have his back.” 

WILL YOU HALFDAN. Or am I putting too much faith in this show, to actually plant something in the beginning, in order to see a pay-off in the end.

There’s just so much shit that doesn't make sense. There’s too much “oh we’re cool now even though you killed my mom” or “family is a stronger bond Halfdan even though I want to kill my brothers” or “I’m with Ivar now even though he ALSO treats me like a dog and my mother wasn’t that nice to me, but whatever” or “I’m the rightful queen of Kattegat, my husband was the king, even though I divorced him and then kinda usurped the actual queen of Kattegat”. 

I get that none of these people are angels, all of these people are painted in shades of grey, not black and white, but COME ON. This is some seriously shitty writing. Where nothing actually means anything. Character development is tossed aside for forced plot points. The only thing I can depend on is that Ivar REALLY fucking wants to kill Lagertha. He’s hyper-focused on it, and to his detriment. All else be damned. He gives no actual fucks about the people he means to rule.

And then we have Heahmund. Who is unwavering in his faith, but it seems as if he’s Ivar’s moon. Fickle. He saw a flash of blonde hair, a lady warrior on the battlefield and then he went down. Perhaps to him she was “a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars.”  Except she had a crown of braids. And Lagertha saved him and his magical sword. 

But WAMEN are the fickle ones. 

Also, I want to give props to #teamlagertha for not giving Astrid away and throwing her under the bus. I’m not entirely sure Astrid is still supporting Lagertha, but I’m okay with that. 

And I’m still kinda hoping for a King Horik 2.0 ending. Where throughout the season you think that Siggy and Floki might actually turn on Rangar, but in the end it was like HAHA JOKES ON YOU HORIK BYE. 

Hvitzerk turns on Ivar. Halfdan turns on Bjorn. Rollo comes rolling up like HERE I AM TO SAVE THE DAY. JOKES ON ALL Y’ALL. 

Spanglo-Saxons: I was discussing the episode with my girls @underthenorthstar and @whenimaunicorn and how the character of Bishop Heahmund is basically a self-insert OC in a fic. He’s the definition. He interacts with each faction of characters. They are all taken with him, find him fascinating even though HE’S SO BORING. I mean, he’s real pretty, but what does he do besides tediously recite bible verses and look cool with a sword? A few episodes back, Judith was like WHAT ABOUT HEAHMUND. And this episode, Ivar was like BUT WHAT ABOUT HEAHMUND, even before seeing that his own brother made it out of the woods. 

What is it about Heahmund? WHAT ABOUT HEAHMUND? 

I mean, I love him too, but it’s for completely shallow reasons. Hm, maybe I just answered my own question. 

Also, Alfred. Smart guy. I have a feeling he’ll go far. You build that navy, Alfred. 

Meanwhile in Floki-land: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ... i don’t care. I really don’t. Floki + wrestling star + people I have zero emotional attachment to as characters. I don’t care. I’d rather their scenes be cut so more attention can be made to watching Alfred become great. Or fleshing out other characters that desperately need it, like Hvitserk. 

Sinric-watch: WHERE THE HELL DID HE GO? 

Death predictions by end of 5A: Margrethe. Astrid. Guthrum. Whiny dude on Ass-gard. 

Stray feelings: “You were once my legs. Not anymore.” 

Me:

Again, because it bears repeating. “He’s a great warrior ... he doesn’t need anything to make sense.”

Me:

Was ... was that Hirst trolling us? Or is being a “great warrior” the only thing that matters to Ivar? Is his whole thing a case of overcompensation? Or was he just being a little shit? Or a combination of all of the above? Is Hirst saying that the show doesn’t need to make sense and for us to just shut the hell up and enjoy the cool battle scenes?

Is THE JOKE ON US, THE VIEWERS?

*hears x-files music in the background*

[tessatechaitea]

Batman #48 & 49: The Best Man

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

One of my ‘batfam’-related posts was getting notifications today and I thought to myself...’didn’t I write some batfam stuff? at some point?’ and I did but it turned out...eh...? So it collected dust in my documents folder but I found it recently and honestly at this point I’m just like...’well it’s not the worst thing’ so HERE WE GO.

(Oh, um. Description might be nice, huh? WHAT IF: Kara didn’t end up in Midvale after arriving on Earth?)

...

The news that Bruce Wayne has acquired another orphan passes without much fanfare—a modest mention in the society pages overshadowed by a front page splash dedicated to the latest masked lunatic to cause a traffic jam down on Hearst. Clark chafes at the article, at that much attention; he’s used to hiding behind shared bylines and a pair of glasses.

Bruce can tell that his friend is having second thoughts. He can see it in the slight furrow of his brow, the white knuckle grip on the latest edition of The Gotham Gazette.

But Bruce isn't in the habit of polite reassurances. He leaves Clark to his reservations—there's work to be done.

Work that Kara only has a passing awareness of; she knows her cousin 'works' with Bruce, knows that those dark rumors about the crazy man in a bat suit are half true. Sometimes, as she's rushing to get ready for school, hands tangled in the necktie of her uniform, she'll pause by the grandfather clock in the library.

She could pry it open, if she wanted to. It wouldn't even be hard.

But then Dick will appear at her side, ready with a corny joke and an easy smile, already reaching to fix her tie. He'll ask her about Krypton, about her powers. He's endlessly curious, and doesn't seem to care that he might be prying.

“Tell me more about Nightwing,” Dick begs when homework becomes too boring for words.

Kara, who is as curious about Earth as Dick is about Krypton, is reluctant to put down her book on the Dutch Masters.

“Please?”

She's halfway through the story of Flamebird when she notices Dick's gaze is fixed behind her.

“Be back in a bit, Kara,” he murmurs quietly. Kara turns just in time to see Dick and Bruce disappear down the hallway, and there's a flash of jealousy, hot and bright, almost like her heat vision. She's just as much a Wayne as Dick is—more so, even. Kara Wayne. Printed in black ink on the forged papers that Bruce was somehow able to procure. Dick is still a Grayson. She should be with them; she should be part of the  secret Bruce Wayne keeps in the cave beneath the manor.

But Kara's also an alien in high school—a place where even the most average of humans feel ostracized and awkward. She has papers to write and superpowers to hide. She tells herself she can't handle another huge secret in her life, right now.

So she lets them go.

(That Alfred should appear mere moments later with a cup of hot chocolate is no coincidence. She hugs him as tight as she dares, and only hears one joint pop. Progress.)

At sixteen, Kara is a head taller than Dick. At eighteen, Dick finally catches up. He teaches her how to drive a motorcycle as a graduation gift.

Clark sends a card; Bruce tells her that he won't be able to attend the ceremony—if he did, it would turn into a circus. Price of being famous and all that.

In lieu of a gift, Bruce tells her she can go to whichever college she wants. He'll foot the tuition, she'll be debt free.

“Get out of Gotham while you can,” Dick tells her. Jovially, of course, but even he is beginning to grow tired of Bruce's One Man Crusade; she knows he's been looking into apartments in Bludhaven.

“I'd miss Alfred too much,” Kara tells him. It's very true.

She's enrolled in the fall semester at GCU when Commissioner Gordon goes missing. It's all over the news. Kara watches the ongoing coverage with growing anxiety. She knows the commissioner's daughter—they go to school together. Dick is hopelessly in love with her but refuses to do anything about it. ...Well. Aside from being insufferable.

This has nothing to do with Batman, Kara tells herself, because it's easier to imagine that the Commissioner has been dragged into the undercurrent of corruption that runs through Gotham like a sewer. Sad, really, to hope for a drug bust gone bad. But that's Gotham for you—where the other option is always, frighteningly worse.

She doesn't see Dick or Bruce for three days straight. She hounds Alfred, but Alfred seems just as worried as she is.

Dick and Bruce eventually show up on the same day that the news breaks about Commissioner Gordon and the Joker.

“...What happened?” Kara asks. Dick is slumped at the counter in the kitchen, trademark smile nowhere to be seen. Bruce—Kara suspects he's down in the cave.

“...I don't know...” Dick says. And at first Kara wants to throttle him because it's another one of his secrets—their secrets, but he turns and looks at her and there is nothing but defeat in his eyes. “I really don't know.”

Kara's at the grandfather clock before Dick can so much as blink. She tears it aside easily—as easily as she'd always imagined it would be—and sprints down the steps before she has a chance to talk herself out of it.

The dark stairs seem to stretch on forever; an eternity passes before she's standing beneath buzzing halogen lights, staring at a collection of dusty computer equipment, a cluster of workbenches.

A tall, guttering shadow.

“I want to help,” Kara blurts, not entirely sure where those words come from. It certainly wasn't what she'd been planning to say, but she doesn't take them back.

Bruce doesn't even turn to look at her.

“...No.”

No. It's the same answer she's been receiving for the last six years, ever since her cousin ripped the canopy off her pod and decided, no, you can't stay with me.

“I'm faster than Dick. Stronger. I...I can't get hurt!” Kara sputters. “You should train me. I can do everything my cousin can!”

She thinks. She hopes.

“You're dangerous,” Bruce says, still turned away.

Kara steps closer. “I'm not!”

“You are,” Bruce counters with the patience of someone used to winning arguments. “Because you're angry.”

Well, Kara's certainly angry now, but that's only because this entire conversation is stupid. She could handle the criminals in Gotham city no problem, and no one would have to get hurt. Dick would be safe, and Barbara's dad would still be alive, and Bruce wouldn't have to keep torturing himself...

“I'm not!” Kara shouts, and she can't help the blue haze that falls over her vision it just...it happens. That's all.

Bruce finally turns around, face obscured by the chiseled cowl. She's never seen it up close before. Only in blurry pictures in The Gotham Gazette. He ignores the heat vision just barely contained in Kara's fierce gaze.

“You are,” he says gently—it's a tone she's never heard him use.

And she's about to shout what do you know but the fact is, Bruce is right. He's always right. It's the most annoying thing about him.

She's angry. Angry at herself for keeping her powers to herself and not helping. Angry at Bruce, for being such an awful guardian. Angry at Dick for having a better relationship with the enigmatic man. Angry at Clark for failing to provide a sense of home. Angry that all of this even had to happen in the first place, why couldn't they fix Krypton? Why...why?

It's...awkward, trying to hug someone dressed in full body armor, but Kara doesn't care. Because everything's kind of awful and she's tired of pretending it isn't.

The Kevlar's cold against the side of her face, and for a moment, Bruce just stands there, like a big, bulletproof lump. But after a time he fits his arms around her, careful not to poke her with one of the spikes on his gantlets.

And Kara just...cries.

It seems so ridiculous. Surrounded by all the wealth Bruce had to offer, by Alfred, and Dick, even Babs, on the rare occasion she'd come over to make fun of Dick and pester Kara about AP classes...all these good things in her life that aren't nearly as healing as a simple hug.

A very weird hug, in an underground cave created by a man with a bat fixation.

For all his faults, however, Bruce doesn't push Kara away, and lets her cry for as long as she needs to.

After a time, Kara's shoulder stop heaving, and the crying calms to sniffles.

“...I'm sorry,” Kara mutters, pulling away. “About Commissioner Gordon. I know he was your friend...sometimes.”

Bruce nods and pats her shoulder in a way that makes Kara think he learned how to show human emotion by watching movies.

And Kara marvels at how they've just had a moment, complete with discussion of feelings, but then Bruce adds, in his gruff baritone, “I'm still not training you.”

So Kara is very glad that it's Dick who finds her, winded and shuddering in a dark alley, trying to recover from Shriek's sonic blast.

“Kara—” he starts, and she tries to put on her best poker face, beneath the bandanna and hood.

“I'm—I'm not—”

“I bought you those shoes after your tore up your other pair running back from Metropolis,” Dick says, pointing to her unremarkable footwear. “You didn't want to tell Bruce you'd sneaked off to see your cousin.”

It's true, but. There are plenty of people with blue high tops.

“And you threw a minivan at Shreeve,” Dick says. And that is harder to explain away.

“...Are you going to tell Bruce?” There's no use trying to deny it. Also, she doesn't want to have to fake a weird accent or anything, she's tired from the fight and her ears are bleeding.

Dick shrugs. “He'll figure it out eventually.” (He's probably right.) “Because only you, Miss 'On-Krypton-we-Rely-on-Diplomacy,' could throw a punch so poorly.” (He's absolutely right.)

“We can't all be as great as you, Dick,” Kara mutters. “You could maybe help me, you know.”

Dick pats her shoulder.

“I've got a better idea.”

The better idea is an old clock tower on the east side of Gotham, dilapidated by design.

“Got another student to add to your class,” Dick says as they walk inside. Two girls close to Kara's age, maybe a little younger, pause what looks like some sort of sparring match, and Barbara Gordon wheels herself over to greet them.

“Honestly, Bruce should pay me,” she snarks. “Hi, Kara.”

“Hi,” Kara waves weakly, a little surprised to discover a hidden vigilante school.

“He does,” Dick reminds her. “He just...doesn't know it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Barbara rolls her eyes before turning to Kara. “Your brother and I have to talk shop for a minute, why don't you...” she narrows her eyes. “...sit down, actually. You look peaky. Did you even bother to make sure she was okay, Grayson?”

“She's Kryptonian. She's fine!”

Kara does as she's told, but before she can take a seat, the two other girls intercept her, the blonde one extending her hand.

“Hey! Nice to meet you,” she says. “I'm Batgirl. This...is also Batgirl. We're...all Batgirl, actually. It's like a...'you're Squidward, I'm Squidward' thing.”

“...Oh, that's a Sponegbob joke,” Kara realizes. The blonde beams.

“See, Cass? She gets it.”

“Who are you?” The other girl—Cass—raises an eyebrow at Kara's ruined red sweatshirt and muddy jeans.

“Um.” Kara hasn't given much thought to a name, actually. It's all happening a little quicker than she anticipated.

She thinks of Clark's bold and colorful Superman, and maybe, in another life, she would've chosen something similar. Superwoman? But she hardly knows Clark, or Superman, for that matter. And she'll never be a Bat.

Dick's not a Bat either, come to think of it. Even though people assume his name is a reference to the nocturnal animal. Nightwing.

Kara knows better.

“Flamebird.”

Cass nods, but the other girl looks unimpressed.

“...We'll workshop it.”

[thesinglesjukebox]

EMINEM FT. BEYONCÉ - WALK ON WATER [2.40] This is the lowest score Beyoncé has ever received from us... wonder how that happened...

Rachel Bowles: The combination of crackling sound effects and Eminem spitting out expletives under his breath have the effect of sounding like he's doing some tricky home improvement and keeps catching his thumb with a hammer or fucking up the wallpaper. There's probably some interesting meditation on celebrity worship in this indulgent navel gazing somewhere, but it's hidden pretty well by uninspired piano and poor lyrics. Is there really room in 2017 for "spazzing the fuck out"? One would hope not. Though Beyoncé is generously, softly serenading us, "I'm only human just like you" like a lullaby about a universe where we're on Bey's Goddess level. The closing "Bitch, I wrote Stan" is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. Ultimately, this song genuinely makes me lol. [3]

Ian Mathers: In honour of dril getting doxxed, let's just say this feels a lot like Em screaming "I'm not owned! I'm not owned!" as he shrinks into a rapper who isn't fun to listen to at all. (To those questioning whether that was ever not the case: I feel you.) No idea what Beyoncé is doing here but 1. she would fit in fine on a much better song 2. she can't save the rest of this one. Plus one for her but minus one for that ending. [2]

Will Adams: "Bitch, I wrote 'Stan,'" he spits at the end, as if the pen-to-paper sound effects weren't trying to make sure we knew through the whole song. "Stan" this is not, and it doesn't help that Eminem manages a few moving moments about doubting oneself's creativity only to drop "retarded" two breaths later. His tea's gone cold, I wonder why. [2]

Alfred Soto: A grim, hectoring track delivered with relative precision doesn't change the fact that I don't want this grim, hectoring rapper blowing onion breath in my face. Skylar Grey's regressive hook assumes Beyoncé has done nothing quietly revolutionary in the last four years.  [4]

Will Rivitz: Rule number one of making good hip-hop: don't emulate Watsky. Rule number two of making good hip-hop: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T EMULATE WATSKY. Rule number three of making good hip-hop: if your song's instrumental component sounds like it could accompany a B-tier Adele song, you're probably doing something wrong. Rule number four of making good hip-hop: try to get Beyoncé on your hook. Rule number five of making good hip-hop: don't waste Beyoncé on your hook. "Walk On Water" follows exactly one of these five rules, so I think the proportional rating bestowed here is appropriate. [2]

Leonel Manzanares: Inexplicable but always welcome Queen Bey feature aside, this feels like the hip-hop equivalent of "I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I am with isn't it and what is it seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!" [4]

Joshua Copperman: One of the top comments on the YouTube video reads "just compare this lyrical masterpiece with 'the ting goes skkkrrraah, pap pap ka-ka-ka.'" If it is true that Migos>Beatles, then clearly Beatles : Migos :: Eminem : Big Shaq. [4]

Claire Biddles: Yikes, where to start -- The none-more-earnest paper-ripping sound effects? The use of not one but two ableist slurs? The 17 hour 43 minute length? Is Marsh writing his own off-Broadway jukebox musical, and is this a third act segue? Almost unprecedentedly bad. [1]

Thomas Inskeep: This death march is so dire that not even Queen B can liven it up. (And what's she doing here, anyway? She is so far above playing hook singer for 2000's great white hope.) Like he has on every record he's made in the past decade, Eminem sounds angry, out of breath, and most importantly out of ideas. I mean, say what you want about his politics, but at least Kid Rock still has a sense of fun about himself. Em is the audio version of a scowl. [0]

Scott Mildenhall: Well, it wouldn't be Eminem if he didn't kick off with a joke single, would it? If that's not him audibly attempting to rewrite the bizarre chorus at the same time as Beyoncé sings it, it should be; otherwise, it must surely be the penning of an angry letter to the producers for having left early. Some very talented and successful musicians have worked on this, and on one level, credit to them: it comfortably meets its apparent ambitions in reaffirming that none of them are above it. [2]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[mintcrash]

ok so I haven’t written anything in many mnay years, but procrastination and too Many Comics can do strange things.

Just some drabble which forms some coherent one-shot I guess.

Damian never liked Tim,but after this, he will never forgive him.

Basically Tim has to monior Damian in some ‘mandatory dress training’. Damian is cute and angry, Tim is a good brother, and Dick is less so.

~1800 words, literally don’t know what I’m doing, mindless fluff and poofy dresses.

—

Damian doesn’t know what to do. Damian Al Ghul: Robin, son of Batman, heir to the League of Assassins is absolutely stunned. He’s faced assassins, demons, beasts of unfathomable proportions. He has come so far in his few short years that immortals would be seething with jealousy. He came back from the dead, and he doesn’t know what to do. Trained by the world’s greatest, and here he stands, Tim Drake having frozen him in his tracks.

“You want…I’m sorry Drake, but what?”

“You heard me.”

“Drake, of all thi- this is ridiculous-“

“Yeah, well it’s a compulsory part of the training, and now you’ll fit into it, so get over here and put this on right now or I’m calling Dick.”

“-Tt-,” he scowled as he eyed Tim, glancing between his brother’s innocent, amused expression and the object of questionable origins in his arms, “You would enjoy this, you-“

Tim’s hands went up defensively, a film of glitter gracing his forearms. “Nuh-uh you stop looking at me like that right now demon child. This was definitely not my idea and I just want to get back to my case so if you wouldn’t mind-”

Damian snatched the pile of hoops and fabric from him. Honestly. What kind of family is this. “Well then, whose idea was it?” He struggled to turn the pale pink mess over in his arms, barely catching glimpses of the layers of tulle sticking out from what was presumably the bottom.

“Nobodys! I swear, this is actually a part of training,” Tim grimaced, ignoring the laugh building in response to Damian’s disgusted face, “Bruce makes all of us do it, but seeing as he’s overseas, Dick’s busy, and Jason’s who-knows-where, I’m in charge of…this.”

Damian wasn’t convinced. He could see Tim’s mouth twitching in that insufferable face he made whenever he had something to do with something unpleasant. He’s lying. It had to be some kind of sick Tim Drake joke. After all this time, he should be forced to wear, well, this. Despicable.

“For what possible reason – “

“Hey - don’t get me started runt.” Tim sauntered past the table, grabbing his coffee before planting himself in the nearest armchair with great satisfaction, falling into what looked like the least comfortable position any human being could manage. “I had to learn how to walk in it. Dick had to learn how to dance in it.  And – holy cow- Jason­ knows how to seduce anyone in it, so I’m sure that you, with your mighty mind can master all of that and more. Hey, I have to say though, it is easier than sitting in a pencil skirt, but doesn’t make your butt look nearly as good.”

Damian stared as Tim serenely sipped his coffee. He’d been through heels, and the cursed pencil skirts, but this? He stared at the pile in his arms with distain.

“Why does it have to be pink.”

“Hm? What was that?”

“I hate you Drake.���

  ----

  Two hours, a torn underskirt, a snapped hoop, a broken zip and four fake bras later, Damian Wayne finally came into the lounge so that Tim could assess him.

“Finally, took you - woah”

Damian’s cheeks flushed. He was used to being critiqued and hunted by his insufferable brother, not flattered.

“Well? Stop staring you trout, do I pass?”

His mouth just hung open. What used to be his little demon brother actually looked, well, really good. His hair had been ruffled from wrestling with the dress, which somehow made him look even better. The dress managed to frame his lithe, false-breasted body exceptionally. Alfred was probably the only reason it was still in one piece, and the old, pristine fabric of the training gown caught the fading light perfectly. A river of fuchsia sequins rippled like a tail down the centre, framed by black velvet stripes. A black collar complemented dark sleeves, flowing from a high-waisted pale pink centrepiece, ending in a thick black ribbon. From this stemmed a pink hoop gown, the rich satin glistening in the fading light from the half-open curtains.

Dang, his brother looked better than he ever did in that thing.

Snapped out of his musings by a sharp -tt-, Tim hastily responded, “It, uh- the colour…really, brings out your eyes, I guess.”

“Really Drake? Am I that good that I don’t require any real critique?” Damian swished, hands falling in a naturally petite manner to his hips.

Tim had to hold back a snort. “Well, if you really want to know, you’re as ugly as ever, and need a wig. Your hair is shocking. And your shoulders – I can tell you’re a little self- “

“I am n – “

“Don’t interrupt me, princess. As I was saying, you’re self-conscious. You’ve got to hold your shoulders back, puff out your chest a little - no not like – agh wait, lemme, more like this, see?” Tim stood as close as he felt was a safe distance to the dinosaur in a dress, but pulled himself into a ballerina stance. “It’s like someone’s drawn a string up your spine, yeah that’s a little better, but don’t be so tense, relax your shoulders a little. Yes. Much better.”

Tim continued to give instruction and Damian let himself relax a little. The dress wasn’t all uncomfortable. Besides, there was no denying Drake thought he looked good. At least a little.

After learning to walk, especially up and down stairs holding the length of puffy fabric, Tim called for Alfred to bring in the shoes. Combining them with the dress proved to be…difficult, but he only stepped on the hem twice, and that was because he was trying to stand up and the dress just got everywhere once you sat down.

Dancing was a lot harder.

“You know-“

“Yes, of course I know the waltz, you dimwit. And I am not dancing with you, no matter how much ‘practice’ anybody insists I need.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.” Tim sat back into his observing station, nursing his third coffee of the day, taking note of his brother’s movements.

“You’re doing the girl’s part, remember.”

“Shut up”

“…Keep your back straight, you’re losing-“

“Mm”

“…Relax those shoulders princess.”

“-tt-“

  ----

  Asides from the occasional misstep in the heels, which left a few new holes in the first layer of the skirt, and his tense shoulders, Tim thought Damian was more of a natural in the dress than any of them had been, except maybe Dick.

“Are we done now?”

Turning his head from a fresh brew, he sighted the pile of fabric sprawled on the furthest armchair. The second pair of heels had been kicked off and a light sheen of glitter rested with them on the floor nearby.

“Sadly, no.”

“What?!” The pile twisted as Damian almost fell on the floor, “You said one more dance-“

“Until I’m done, you still have something else to do.”

Damian’s face could probably boil water, but Tim wasn’t finished. “After this, you can remove the beautiful dress and reclaim your natural demon state. Besides, a normal gala usually goes for at least another twenty minutes. Put on that one pair of heels which you actually liked, and I’ll give my final assessment.”

Damian tutted, pulling on his shoes and staring daggers at his brother before finally straightening up and twirling one more time.

“Fine. Just…hurry up.”

Then Dick walked in.

He froze. Damian stiffened. Tim grinned.

“You…little…”

“DAMI!”

Dick spread his arms wide, soggy hair from his after-work shower flicking drips behind him as he bounded up to his little brother. Damian braced himself for whatever was coming.

“Damian it…you…it’s perfect! You look amazing!” He turned to Tim, “How’d you-“

“With a lot of patience.”

Both smiled like maniacs as Damian suffered their compliments.

“Oh Darlene, your dress is stunning tonight.”

“Oh Diana I love your shoes!”

“Dmitri, that colour really brings out your flawless skin.”

“And your eyes!”

“Did he get the posture right?”

“Most of the time”

“Dami, relax your shoulders-“

“So.  I’ve.  Been. Told.”

“Oh you have to give me a walk. Come on, just one? I promise I will never talk of this –“

“Shut up. I will, only because I want this torment to end sooner.”

So, Damian did. He glided flawlessly up the room, twirled liked only the finest of socialites, then turned to see – Grayson’s Phone. Abandoning any hints of walking, Damian pulled up the dress, revealing a half-on shoe. With a quick and expert flick of his ankle, it flew off and landed violently on the camera. Tim snorted, sharing a quick smile with the youngest. Dick just looked hurt.

“Aww, come on Dami! It’s compulsory for everyone to have documented photos of all important training events. Besides, Bruce needs photographic evidence of this occasion.”

“Shut up, Grayson. I swear if you show those to anyone I will slice your hand off.”

“Well, I think that about covers everything now.” Tim interrupted before Damian actually attacked anyone. He stood, and with the straightest face and most serious voice he could muster, said, “You have my permission, as your supervisor for this training session, to get out of the dress, until such time comes that it is needed for mission purposes. Also, I’ll have to write all this down, but you really need to work on relaxing your shoulders.”

Damian’s sour expression turned to Tim, “Drake, if you mention this to anyone, I will have a good reason to cut off your coffee supply for a week.” He turned with great flair, radiating an attitude fitting for his outfit, and stormed into the next room.

“Oh, and Damian?” Dick called before he slammed the door behind him, “Just remember, with the whole relaxing your shoulders thing, think of it like swordplay – you only tense before you strike. And if you do ever have to wear one of those, at least you’ll be prepared. Plus, Bruce had to have this training too, so-“

“Wait, what?!? Father had to- “

“Ohohoho yes he did.” Dick’s phone was back up as he searched for the ‘compulsory photographic documentation’.

Damian stalked over as fast as he could, hoisting the dress.  Tim rolled off the couch too. He was not going to miss this.

“He thought he should try it out when he made me do it. Justified it as ‘needing practice’ and ‘learning from a woman’s perspective’, but I don’t think anybody his size needs to put themselves through something they obviously can’t pull off. Now where’s…ahah!”

The room fell silent. The air was concrete as Dick held in the fiery laugh building in his chest.

“Is that-“

“Yes.”

“Gets me every time.”

“In pink-“

“Oooohhh yeah.”

“You know it.”

Damian was disgraced. Tim was choking back his laughter. Dick was…well, Grayson was beaming in the background of the photo, wearing the same dress Damian had on now. It…complemented his Father’s.

“Oh he really cannot pull that off.” Tim commented.

“I KNOW, right?! He kept telling me it was for experience but honestly I think he was just enjoying himself.”

Damian snuffed, “-tt-, he needs to relax his shoulders.”

Tim and Dick shared stunned glances before Dick mumbled, “Guess it runs in the family.”