#all i know is that ive never cried this hard in my life lol

[nomairuins]

i want to watch the things on my watchkist but i also never do its rly tragic

[heartofwritiing]

What am I supposed to do, if theres no you?

paring: wilbur soot x fem!reader

authors note: I was listening to soon you’ll get better by taylor swift. I couldn’t get the imagery of this song out of my head and I needed to write some sort of vent. also inspired by a fic that @starsyoubreaklikesugardust wrote called whats it like on the other side of us that utterly destroyed me and I needed a happier version... This is super self-indulgent as hell but I hope you guys like it!

warnings: angst, mentions of an illness, hospitals, heavy topics, mentions of death, reader doesn’t have a specific illness, fluff, hurt comfort, me not knowing about medical terms or hospitals so excuse me lol, unedited!

The hospital bed feels warmer when Wilbur lies beside you, the only sound in the small room is the beeping of the machine monitoring your vitals.

On most days, everything is fine. However, when he's around, it's easy to forget the inevitable fate that awaits.

When he has to leave, he goes home to sleep in an empty bed and never does sleep. In those moments of solitude, he cries until he can't anymore. He tries to distract himself by painting the kitchen yellow, fixing up the garden, going to the studio to record, and hanging out with friends. But he feels guilty he’s not beside you.

The next time you see him he looks horrible. Like he got hit by a bus and you’re wondering if you should be the one in here or him. Wilbur Voice horse, circles under his eyes and red you know is from his tears. That’s when you pull him by the arm so he can curl up next to you so he can finally get some rest.

Stoking your fingers through his hair as he snores softly into your collarbone. You think about how Wilbur would ever function without you. How is he gonna take care of himself -when-if you are gone one day. That pit is building in your stomach along with the small lump in your throat. The burning of your eyes as you silently cry while you hold him close to your body.

Because that was what your life was full of, what ifs, whens, uncertainty, and dread. He didn’t deserve that. The arguments you used to get into when you first got sick. Begging him to leave you because you knew, in the long run, this wouldn’t work out. You could spend the rest of your life in and out of hospitals while he wasted away with you.

Wilbur swore repeatedly up and down that he would never leave you. No matter how much you tried to drive him away or how hard matters got.

Wilbur was constantly worried about your well-being, but he held onto hope that you would recover. This was especially true after the first time he brought you home.

You were happy to leave the uncomfortable hospital bed and small room reeking of antiseptic. You slow danced with him in the living room to Elton John playing from his phone speaker, listened to him write new songs, and slept in because you missed waking up in your shared bed. You felt like your old self again and he loved seeing you that way.

When things got worse again, the bright light in your eyes would soon fade, like water extinguishing a flame, as you had to leave your home and return to that sterile, white-washed room.

When you are back in that hospital bed, with the scratchy sheets and the fluorescent lights that hurt your eyes you’re back to being a shell of a human. The depression hits you harder and Wilbur does all he can to help. make you as comfterble as possible despite the weight of the situation.

You know he’s only trying to provide solstice. The small room fills with his soft voice as he reads your favorite stories. Telling you bad jokes he’s heard from Tommy that get you to at least crack a smile. He feels proud he was the one to grant you some form of happiness.

-

His hand holds your shaking, cold one as the IV pumps treatment into your veins. He leans over in his chair to be closer to you, lips against your knuckles. Your eyes meet in a longing stare that says 'I'm here, I'm not going anywhere.' You gently squeeze his hand.

“Wil?” You asked hoarsely.

“Yes, darling?” His voice is intimate, making you feel like there are people around even though it's just the two of you. The nickname always makes your tummy flutter with delight.

You want to capture the way he looks at you in a picture. He tentatively waits for your next words, his doe eyes filled with concern. You clear your throat and exhale softly.

“I was thinking... maybe we should find a house in the country,” you say. Wilbur remains silent. "Somewhere quiet, with big fields where we can see the sky, and watch the sunset on the porch."

You've mentioned how you'd love to live out in the country. A cottage large enough for you both to have separate areas. A streaming room for him, and a bedroom and den for you to store all your books and painting supplies.

A place where you can finally be free from confinement. Despite Wilbur's jokes about you being an old soul, you were in touch with life through knitting, painting, reading, and walks. That's what he wanted to give you again.

Your voice is quieter now, creating a moment just for you. The heaviness in your voice made your eyes well up. You could feel his thumb caressing your knuckles. Like a silent ‘take your time’. Your throat closes up as you keep talking. Your breath is shaking, primarily due to the cold temperature of the room and the medicine making you feel woozy. But you and Wilbur knew it was the emotional weight you tried to carry with your words.

Somewhere we can grow old together.

The sentence sits heavily in your mind. You'd like to say it to him. You wanted to share it with him so badly, but it felt painful to have cross your mind.

Wilbur already knows by the look in your eyes. He leans over you, lovingly presses a kiss to your forehead, and wipes away a single tear before it can roll down your cheek. Slowly he moves down, then presses another kiss to the tip of your nose.

“Whatever you want, my love.” he squeezes your hand back.

-

Wilbur spent weeks searching through countless home-selling websites for your dream house, but none were to his liking or within your budget. A month later, while sitting uncomfortably in a hospital chair with his long legs curled up to his chest, he scrolled through his phone and stumbled upon a house that seemed too good to be true.

He scheduled numerous appointments to see the house, ensuring everything was in order before making a final decision. Moving his belongings with the help of friends and bandmates was hectic.

He spent weeks preparing for your homecoming, buying new furniture, and arranging your books to your liking, making everything perfect only then he would finally surprise you.

He's there to take you to his car the day you leave the hospital. He takes care of you in the passenger seat, buckling you in and ensuring you're ready to leave before setting off.

As Wilbur drives past your shared apartment, soft indie tunes play through the car's speakers, and you lean back against the headrest, watching the scenery pass by. You realize you passed the turn to your house and Wilbur's hand takes yours.

Wilbur turns to you with a mischievous glint in his eyes and says, "We're not going home just yet." A faint smile is on his lips as if he's hiding something from you. He then drives in a different direction, and you can't help but feel excited about what he has planned.

"Where are we going?" you ask. As you speak, he can hear your worry.

"If I told you that, it would ruin the surprise," he says.

He knows you're antsy in your seat but it'll be worth it. After driving through winding roads and trees, he pulls up to a house with an arched doorway and slanted roof, almost like the one you dreamed of growing up.

Wilbur turns off the ignition, rushes to your side, opens the car door, and with a grin offers his hand to help you out. Wilbur leads you to the front door, unlocks it with a small key, and picks you up to carry you over the threshold.

"Welcome home darling," he says.

You are led through the house, to the hallway to the cozy living room. taking everything in slowly.

The soft pillows on the sofa, your paintings on the walls, your books on the shelf, and Wilbur's record player and vinyl set up. His acoustic guitar set against the wall caused your eyes to well up.

"Wilbur," you began, but tears rolled down your face as the emotions overwhelmed you. Why was he going through all this trouble for a silly dream?

Wilbur frowned as he tried to place you on the recliner, but you clung to him, so he sat down with you in his lap. Speaking softly into your ear with tender words to calm you.

You drew away from him, noticing the worry in his gaze as you locked eyes with Wilbur, he searched your expression frantically, attempting to figure out the cause of your distressed state.

"Are you okay?" he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. "I know it's a lot to take all at once, but I wanted to surprise you. I'm sorry for being secretive."

You shake your head, in slight remorse for making him assume he upset you or pushed things too far.

"I'm just so happy." you beamed tearily.

Ease washed over him, and a sigh escapes his lips. Tears well in his eyes. He gently takes the back of your head and brings you to meet him for a kiss. His lips are soft and warm as they enveloped yours passionately. You reciprocated his kiss, bringing your hands to thread in his hair. Your noses brushed as you pulled away to catch your breath.

While holding each other, you remained in that position. Your breathing was slow and unsteady, and tears streamed down your face as you cried onto Wilbur's shoulder. Everything, for the first time in a long time, felt perfect.

Everything you had ever wanted was with Wilbur, and you were never going to want anything else.

Wilbur knew in his heart, soon you would get bette, because you just had to.

End.

tagging: @merakiwi @trashcanduck  @addxms @ax-y10

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

my fullmoon dream ended up being a somewhat dense one in a continuation of my dream timeline

There's this person, who was my friend but it ended badly, a few years ago. And i didnt really understand what happened it was very confusing to me, i didnt really have any power in the situation, it was only this past year i learned of the way all these strings were being pulled behind my back, which helped me understand why that situation occurred, why there was so much resentment directed towards me when i was trying so hard to just exist and keep the friendship simple + lighthearted. Like basically it was just sabotaged which has been kind of hard for me to accept even with finally knowing how it was sabotaged, it was all so unnecessary and i just wish i knew sooner.

over the past 2 or so years ive had a recurring dream scenario where I run into this person. i always write them on here too. Sometimes we apologize to each other, sometimes we dont really speak at all, but theres always this vibe of like, "Things are cool between us now, its Ok." And its a very relieving feeling, in the dreams. its almost exciting, like wow, we can be friends again??! The thing i find most interesting about it is that even though i lost a LOT of friends in the past few years through the same source of sabotage, this is the only person i have these dreams about. I guess we were pretty close for a while but still its interesting no one else comes up in this way.

Anyways. in the dream last night(this morning), it was kind of different... it was really emotional?? usually its never that emotional, usually we dont even say much. but in this dream today, they were crying, they were so earnestly apologetic, talking about how they regret the ways they treated me, and missed being my friend so much. And i cried too because it felt so good to hear it, i apologized for the messy ways i responded to the situation because i didnt get it at the time i thought i was going crazy.. And we were like holy shit we can finally just be friends again.. This is amazing..

as the conversation closed i woke up, i had a moment of being like woahh, that just happened, all the feelings and imagery of it cemented into my conscious mind. THEN, i fell BACK asleep, to the exact same dream!! it just continued. I went and did some other things, i got a job at this weird childrens entertainment center where i was dressed in a panda costume dancing for children. But it was the exact same setting, they were still sitting in the same spot close by, and in the dream i kept having flashes of relief thinking like "omg we're friends again i cant wait to catch up and talk more once im off work"

i feel my body woke me up from that conversation to make sure i really claearly remember that part of the dream before it continued on. I havent had a dream-wakeup-backtosamedream happen in quite a while but i always regard it as an extra significant dream when i do,... also its the full moon

i never know what to do after these dreams like do i reach out? honestly this person kind of intimidates me so i never know. Like i cAnt imagine in reality they miss being my friend that much. But they are pretty sentimental deep down, so maybe. Its just a difficult situation where I was never the one with any of the power, So it feels strange to instigate contact. Like how it happened in the dream, it would only really make sense if they said something first. Maybe these dreams are just meant to bring about some psychic closure that i'm not likely to ever receive irl. Its always very confusing to wake up from lol. I would like to feel that relief for real..

But at the end of the day im satisfied with my life and the friends I have now, so its not a big deal. Just stuff thats buried. I swear its always full moons when i dream about them lol! We have the same moon sign, in astrology, i wonder if thats something to do with it. We always had a lot of weird almost creepy synchronizations in our personalities. Oh well

[imagineitdearies]

Hello! Just finished PS. I cannot praise you enough. Its easily the best thing ive read this year, and my resolution was to read multiple books a month. You surpass ALL OF THEM!

Saw ur authors note at the end abt an original queer vamp novel- is there anymore info yet? Im sure you've got ppl begging already but id truly love to beta when the time comes- or be first in line to preorder.

I feel like i read this at exactly the right time of my life.

The story was so painful yet rewarding bc i see so much of myself in Tyrus. Astarion and Tyrus truly feel like two different exstensions of my healing self. I wont go into it, but im a survivor to. Like tyrus, it happened when i was a young. Seeing his transformation throughout his decade of enslavement, his hatred towards himslef and the world, all bc of one man hit home. I kept telling myself that if it didnt have a happy ending id have to burn my phone or smthn lol. Seeing Astarion amd Tyrus not just defeat Cazador, but do it together, do it solely through their love of one another, broke me. The power of love, hope, and goodness. I havent cried over a fanfic since middle school. Im in my 20s now. I adored the final 2 chapters of the aftermath- im so grateful we got to meet his sister! And with Halsin, no less!

Im so thrilled you'll be adding oneshots and other stories to the universe. Tyrus is so real, so alive, id hate to see him contained in one story.

I love how Tyrus, ultimately, changeed. He didnt change into a monster like he feared, but what happened to him did changed him. Thats not a bad thing, tho. He's still Tyrus, simply a new version. And im still me, simply a new version.

I dont know if ill ever be able to reread, even skimming over the rougher parts was hard, but im so grateful i was able to see Tyrus and Astarion's journey. All of their triumphs felt like mine, all of their failures. Their never wavering love and trust in one another, that they understood it was Cazador that made them do those bad things. Ur right, pain and love must be intertwined, which is why this fic was so amazing. The highs would have never felt so spectaular without the lowest of lows.

Im rambling, i apologize. I do hope you read this, even if you dont respond. I hope my thanks and praise can give u something in return for what you've given me.

If you've made it this far, have you made any content on ur process? Ur planning? The flow was amazing, ur description, the flashbacks- did you go to school for writing? As a writer myself im almsot jealous at ur talent- but mostly curious :) id love to know anything you're willing to share.

Again, thank you. This was a gift, you know. I wont forget it.

Hi turtleurtle!! Great to see you over here, thank you so much for your kind words 🩵🩵 it means a lot any time I hear people enjoyed PS as much/more than published fiction!!

Speaking of, yes, since you ask I do have a little more to say now on my original story. I took a small writing break for a week or so but have now jumped back into the saddle for the next adventure! Lots of plotting, character creation, worldbuilding, and research happening right now.

Reuben, our first main POV, is almost fully fleshed out as a character and I’m so excited for you all to meet him (he’s an eloquence bard, for starters)!! The first book/part is almost fully outlined and I’ve written the first few pages. I’m really starting to get inspired by where the storyline is going.

Back to PS though—I’m so glad you felt seen with Tyrus’s character. He did inevitably change, but by the end he is (mostly) at peace with that and can still forge a good life and happy relationships. Meeting Cynda again was that last little piece of hope he needed to believe it 🥹

Haha the light does always seem brighter when you’re stuck in pitch darkness! On the other hand, it’s something Tyrus only thinks once, but I would argue love is not intertwined with pain more than anything else. Pain is just an inevitability. No matter what you do, you will experience discomfort, sorrow, loss, physical suffering (see Cazador, with absolutely zero love in his life). While love is not inevitable, it’s a choice. Love is a gift we choose to give and to receive in the midst of inevitable suffering and that is why it is so precious. Having that perspective has really helped me heal and have more hope for the future 🩵

Haha never apologize for rambling about PS! This thing has consumed my soul for the last 8 months so I love the chance to hear from/converse with people especially now that the full story is posted and all is revealed. Honestly wish I could sit down with you all and just discuss everything!! But seriously thank you for this message.

As for my writing, here’s a few writing advice asks I've answered, but i haven’t gotten too in-depth on my chaotic process yet. I will say long walks talking to myself, bullet lists, and brackets are my personal recipe for success (besides just writing for years and years) 😂 I did take a lot of classes in school too! If people have specific questions, I’m happy to give my best go at an answer.

Thanks so much 🥰

[safetyobstacles]

starting o segredo na floresta now, im either gonna finish this in a week or its gonna take months good luck me

update - i love joui

joui, its a little cloudy out, roll for sanity. joe, you stubbed your toe, roll sanity. joui did you just frown???????? roll a sanity test with disadvantage. that was cool joui, you gain 1 sanity. just kidding somewhere in the netherlands a child tripped and scraped their knee, you lose 10 sanity.

i think im going to put my updates under the cut instead of spamming posts B) beware of spoil

UPDATE

if cellbit takes liz or thiago from me ill never forgive him

this bar has to be its own paranormal entity, thiago would have died if the gun had a bullet in it and cristopher nearly got knifed to death in their first fight loll

EP 2

npc thiago about to be the most useless mf ever i swear if he dies to a stray ant or something ill cry just put him in a box for safe keeping

what would i do without the mental image of joui dropkicking every monster he sees

liz why are you finger painting with the ooze monsters remains and why did it give you 1 hp ?????? NEVERMIND

EP 3

RACCOON bro has 8 health but he sure is happy

faz um teste de sanidade

when i said thiago was gonna die to an ant i didnt actually mean kill him with giant spiders

cristopher no please dont climb a tree these are spiders they can climb nah bro cristopher is dead af im gonna miss him. bro cellbit just kill him already bros dead 2 hp

damn

ep 4

at this rate luba doesnt even need to roll sanity we all know hes gonna fail anyways joui's having the worst two days of his life

jesus christ i just woke up i cant handle this shit cesar's punching a hole in my itty bitty heart bones

please stop talking about leticio's cacetinho

EP 5 how long is too long for a tumblr post btw

the starting soon screen replaced cris with arthur notlikethis

cellbit is far too happy about them going to this house i hate it i hate it

i would like for them to leave a casa now :))) they got gregório time to go :) DAMN JOUI JUST GOT STEAMROLLED BY THAT ZOMBIE ROLLED A 99 VS CELLS 1 jesus christ thiago LOL NO WAY GREGÓRIO IS DEAD AF bro was just taking a nap in the car and this is what he gets

that was horribly stressful its 3 am how am i supposed to sleep after that

to be fair, if i was rodolfo and liz didnt use the tazer, i would have just dragged gregório in front of arthur and killed him in right in front of his face soo...

ROLLED 100 LOOOOOOOOOOOOL a caverna

COOL GUY ALERT HOPE HE DOESNT KILL BRULIO HAHAhahaaa

EP 6 I HAVE GREAT ANXIETY THIS MESTRE GUY IS ABOUT TO KILL HALF THE SQUAD

luba i know youve been rolling absolute dog shit the last 5 episodes but this one really counts buddy brulio :(

most stressful hour of youtube ive ever sat through i cant believe they all lived

A PORTA FORTE

EP 7 im so glad they're going back to the house im so happy ive never wanted anything else this is great nothing could go wrong in this house nothing

7 episodes in and ive just now realised that he keeps talking about circles and spirals and those have significance with a certain element and now i want them to leave carpazinha go back home forget this ever happened

undressing with the homies in the haunted basement next to a dead old man

not thiago canonically talking to a bookshelf after complaining about joui's whispering to his shotgun

THIS GRAVE IS SO COMPLICATEDDDD I BET ITS FUCKING EMPTY THEYRE ARGUING ABOUT HOW TO "knock out" AN OLD LADY AND ITS PROBABLY JUST WORMS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GRAVEEE

this whole graveyard scene has me in tears thiago staring at nothing while they try to get him to unmute, old guy on the phone, joui picking up the old lady i just laughed so hard i feel ill

the one time joui doesnt fail a roll he loses 6 SANITY?? 8 SANITY?????????????? SENHORA VOCE TA BEM????? YOU JUST CHOKED HER OUT JOUI WAIT SHES GONNA DIE??????????? SHES GOING TO DIE???????????? THE GASOLINE IN THE MOUTH??

grounded from the shotgun for 1 week

EP 8

Thiago's pants are still fucked up from last episode btw

about to have a tpk over alchohol poisoning

if cesar survives this campaign hes gonna put as many points possible into forgery

a caverna im goign fuckign crazy the god of tdeath pr spomething is in this cave theyre gonna walk inside trip on a pebble and get eaten by hundreds of tiny cave beetles

Victor is absolutely about to get his face eated by a spider and/or be swallowed by the cave

ok but santo berço looks kinda cool like i would live there

EP 9 he just (re?)released osnf merch but i refuse to be spoiled by absolutely anything ive done so well i will not be tainted by cesar's really cool green on black long sleeve

wait i love the gatekeeper its a shame this town is probably a hallucination and theyre all actually slowly dying in the middle of the forest GIANT COWS I LOVE THE GIANT COWS WITH REGULAR SIZED HEADS

????????????????????????????????FELPS??????????????????????

buttery butter

thiago this is why you should have quit smoking

?????FELPS?????????

EP 10 so if thiago hadnt used the lighter would felps still be alive, probably just would have died later B)

bro joui has got to buy new dice this is crazy

this is gonna be the average 2 star motel experience BRO JUST DABBED ON CESAR liz is about to get bodied by the hallway ghosts this is just like a regular motel HUH UHHHHHHH

no joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy

mom i want to go home i dont want to stay in santo berço anymore jesus christ

EP 11 how am i supposed to just start the next episode after that i think the mental image of brulio beating arthurs skull in is burned into my brain space

sandwich sandwich

i love the giant cows so much i want one GIANT CHICKEN LAY GIANT EGG I LOVE THE GIANT CHICKEN intimidating the human sized pig

EP 12 still thinking about how cellbit thought new zealand was so close to europe, he was so sure of it that he was making me unsure of where i knew new zealand was

both times thiago was played by cellbit some horrific shit happened so with arthur being an npc this episode im prepared for the worst also this starting soon screen is fucking wicked

are you telling me joui's max sanity is now 12 bros been losing it for so long hes stuck like this joui is the "damn, you live like this?" meme

CELLBO ROLEPLAYED TOO HARD HIS HEADSET JOINED AS AN ENEMY AND BEAT HIS SETUP

"that sounds like a book title" bro let the intrusive thought win

baby nidere

no way the cow has been suffering this whole time ill cry

theyre about to rp their way into an angry medieval mob when they get found with the body of the dead gatekeeper B) does santo berço have dungeons, bc if they do thats where theyll be sleeping tonight nvm the gatekeeper has demons inside him sorry joui HUh no way they killed the gatekeeper dude wtf

EP 13 chat's a bit excited to go in the cave guys if anyone reads this what am i supposed to do once i finish this season. what do you mean i just have to go onto desconjuração. what do you mean i have to leave this story behind. please let me keep all the characters in this one.

THE CAVE MAP IS COOOOOOL THE LIGHT MOVES WITH THE MINER everyone struggling to flip their characters 5 mins into the cave made me laugh so hard i had to pause to breathe

I LOVE MOLES DUDE THEYRE SO COOL ok but i dont love this many moles BRO I LOVE MOTHS TOO THIS IS AWESOME wait no i hate bats THIS MOTH IS SUFFERINGGGGG

THE SUCC hes about to kill them all with the Succ out of spite thiago never mock one of cellbit's monsters again ARTHUR ZIUM

door door door door door door door door door door the gatekeeper is alive???

ih arthur nah dude let go of cesar :(((((((((((( gotta hand it to arthur hes survived two of these situations now get it, hand it to him, CAUSE HE LOST HIS FUCKING ARM WTF HIS ARM DETATCH LIKE A LEGO sorry i vote we still kill the gatekeeper just in case just to be safe

EP 14 did cellbit have a past traumatic experience with a vacuum is that why he created the Succ

agatha?????? bro agatha's life sucked big pp

every time cellbit says hes excited for something i grow more afraid

if they kill and eat the gatekeeper would he also taste delicious just wondering

i think i might know the reason why 12 sanity joui has a funky grey form but 55 sanity thiago doesnt, but maybe im crazy nevermind thiago had the funky grey within him this whole time wait does that mean hes gonna die if santo berço dies DAMN

joui just really wants to see thiago naked also hes just blatantly stealing arthur's knife he really is losing all his sanity that was possibly the most unconvincing "nada" ive ever heard

EP 15 before i start a new episode i always go to the vod on twitch and watch the memes first so i can go "hehe" for five minutes, and then go "oh no" for the next 4 hours

hypothetically, if joui managed to get the symbol on him before anyone noticed would he have just lost all 12 of his sanity and gone mad cuz that would have been crazy :,)

this is it cellbit is finally going to kill npc thiago joui is so very happy about his shotgun i thought maybe he was getting better but hes whispering to it again

alright whats up with cellbit and the outwards opening doors because i swear i have never seen a door that opens out instead of in, are all the doors like that in his home these doors are made to have creatures attack from inside ih i just checked like 3 times to make sure i was on the right episode lmaoooo

"pobre martha" DAAAAAAMN MARIANA ICE COLD

one buff woman vs all 3 equipe kelvin who will win (1 woman) crazy that equipe kelvin managed to accomplish what took our group 9 episodes to get to lool they even got the leticio cacetinho dlc, but they did skip the spider boss fight and the entire house level

THE BLACKSMITH IS MIGUEL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EP 16 the joui, liz, and arthur cosplay look like theyre going to a nice dinner meanwhile thiago, kenan, and cesar just look homeless

idk if thiago's making it out of this one :,) maybe we just take thiago's weapons its not like he can do much to help anyways kenan wants to skin him listen brother i dont think thats gonna work im at the 52 min mark and cellbit is acting sus af the blacksmith is about to appear and stomp them all or something

joui would roll a 99 and nearly knife cesar and liz is trying so hard not to metagame her way to the explosive backpack loving how trigger happy joui is right now go on guys give him more explosives what the worst that could happen

is kenan also a wellspring do they have to kill him cuz thats gonna be kind of awkward and on that note since thiago has the symbol on him does that make him a wellspring too ill cry i will cry

NOT JOUI APOLOGIZING FOR LYING ABOUT HIS SAMURAI ANCESTRY

damn that scene between joui, liz, and thiago was the best in the entire season

i would like to take this moment before they all get swallowed alive by some horrible sludge tentacle monster to proclaim my absolute hatred of Santo Berço. I know i said at the end of episode 8 that i thought it looked cool but im over it ive moved past that point in my life i hate Santo Berço

BIG GOOEY MEATBALL

"the people are happy here!" says the blacksmith as he currently has 5 people forcefully locked up for decades that have gone mad with probably no way of ever regaining their sanity i just realised miguel and the old blacksmith fucked and had a kid

final boss aboutta come crawling out of the meatball please stop trying to skin thiago the symbol isnt gonna come off

THAT WAS SICK AF THEYRE ALL DEAD AS HELL

???????????????????? "kenan you have one last sane move before i take your character and throw him off a cliff"

:(

post i made after i finished osnf (made like 3 days later because i was so so so so so so so so so so sad)

https://www.tumblr.com/safetyobstacles/739056899257942016/i-finished-osnf-after-almost-2-months-and-you-know?source=share

[skeleton-wannabeee]

i have never shared much about my irl bio, so heres a little overview of me 💕

i am 27 and my pronouns are she/her. i got married in 2017 and live with my husband, our cat and two dogs. those babies are my LIFE. i work in sourcing for a major bank and truly love my job. i have chronic lyme disease and PANDAS, along with my bipolar II.

my eating disorder started around 15/16, but was being taught to me my whole life by my narcissistic (mean that word literally) 4n4 mother. i was working my first job, McDonalds. i ate all the time there, like walk past the nugget drawer and grab a nugget here and there. i went from 114 to 126 and lost it mentally. my light 4na turned into 6ish months of b&p. i lost the weight and lived being OMAD and could maintain my weight usually.

it got more out of control in college when i was trying different meds for my bipolar (through my physician). certain meds would make me gain weight, then i would restrict, lose weight, change med then do it all over again. at one point i was STRUGGLING to lose it. i became sooo depressed over it (still not realizing a had a problem). COVID hit and it became a lot easier to restrict and move less. i started losing weight fast, my BP therapist (who used to treat EDs) was catching on and it eventually came to the surface. i still wouldn’t eat, cried about eating and kept losing weight.

i eventually did recover, went into remission and gained 70 pounds (122-192). i ended up having mold in my air ducts and that was making it hard for me to have the usual up and back down you have after weight restoration. through treatment my depression went away and as i detoxed weight started dropping of. it felt amazing. so i ended up relapsing and im 2 lbs from my lowest.

therapy for the ED had a lot of benefits, i got rid of my body dysmorph and took care of a lot of anxiety around showing scars out in public. now that im not depressed and im confined in my body, restricting has been great. i know i look great and the challenge of losing weight is less about how i look and it is not at all about how i look to men, unless you are a man in this community but thats a different story lol

in recovery i found myself as a person and became so much more loving and accepting. that has resulted in some amazing things.

i put a lot of effort now into my activism and it is truly what i love to do. i am a clinic escort and spend hours every week helping patients into the clinic. we also defend at pride events and drag story hours, etc. we lobby for reproductive rights as well as trans, black and other marginalized groups. my org and i are constantly growing and ive become such an inclusive person.

i want everyone to know that you are safe talking to me no matter who you are or what preferences you have. and also know i am very loud about whats right and fight for change even at work. i wont stop fighting for true equity and inclusion.

if you are in the carolinas, esp charlotte, pls reach out and say hi!! we probably have a good bit in common.

[butchviking]

Sorry, I forgot that your preferred term for us is TRAs. Tranny is a little too mask-off these days.

Anyway, let's play your scenario:

Someone transitions at 30, having been taken seriously as a player for fifteen years. They win at the women's tournament, depriving all your "real women" of their acclaim.

Or maybe another scenario:

Someone transitions at 15, and is taken even less seriously than a cis woman. Receives little to no instruction, since any cis coach will be uncomfortable teaching them. At 30, she's forced to enter the men's tournament, having been at an inflated disadvantage you describe in cis women. She loses repeatedly, everyone who cried foul about cis women's social disadvantage is thrilled about the trans woman's.

Stop pretending this is about fairness. This is about slowly and politely eking trans people out of public life with a laundry list of whataboutisms and hypothetical scenarios.

And fyi: the language that you deemed so foul earlier is the same language I hear from your peers as they tell me I'll never be a real woman. Away from polite company, of course. After all, you have an image to uphold ✨

i literally dont use tra as a derogatory term cause i dont think theres anything wrong w advocating for trans rights but ok. youre clearly not here to argue w me youre here to argue w someone you made up in your head

yeah i did think like, what abt early transitioners 🤔 i personally wouldn't really have a problem w a childhood transitioner competing w women, but i don't make the rules & i understand that for the ppl who do, it's hard to know where to draw the line - bc it has to be drawn somewhere unfortunately, and not everything can b taken on a case-by-case basis. then again, i just rbed a version of the post a few min ago clarifying that the majority of chess tournaments are still co-ed anyway, so like. just play in the co-ed tournaments? & if women created their own leagues to give themselves a space in a male-dominated culture, maybe it would b cool if trans ppl took inspiration frm that and also created their own leagues to give themselves a space. ive seen some trans ppl do that in sports recently & i think it's a neat idea.

this literally isnt about eking trans ppl out of public life bc im not in any way at all suggesting trans ppl not b allowed to complete. are u even reading any of what i said.

who are my peers lol. none of my buddies use language like that except occasionaly when talking about themselves. once again u are not here to argue w me u are here to argue w someone u made up in ur head.

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics 🤣 i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

[thisdreamplace]

hi dream. it’s 😵‍💫 anon. it’s been a while. life has changed a bit since my last message. somehow pushed through for myself. i’m still not into all of it anymore. i can’t even stomach looking at anything manifestation related lol. i just missed your account 🤍. i’m a professional dancer now. which has become a mind-freeing space for me. life does not feel better but i have dance. i can’t explain how freeing it is. dance has changed my life so far. i’m surprised. i’m just riding the waves. i don’t remember how bad my last message was but i haven’t cried since then. although i cannot find my footing in this world, i just try to maintain a life with less stress as much as i can. it’s kind of like you just keep going.

good news; i’ll be traveling in January. for the first time. i hope i can enjoy the experience. 🌴

how have you been, dream ?

hi 😵‍💫anon, my beloved my dear i've missed you ! i always think about you since the last msg you sent me, wondering how you are and ofc, hoping that all is well. 🥹 i'm so glad to hear from you once again

i support you NOT looking at manifestation related content. if its not helping, don't ! i LOVE hearing youre a dancer <3 thats seriously so, so amazing. and i love how positive its been for you, even if everything else is difficult at times, i'm glad you have that as an outlet.

its true, sometimes in life you just keep going if thats the least you can do. its actually SO much, and youre doing it. i'm really happy for you, that at least in some ways, there's some small light in your life now.

your first trip will be so beautiful, i'm so excited for you !!!!! :') i love traveling hahah, and i hope you get to enjoy it just as much.

as for me, i've been on a self-inflicted roller coaster of my own. i actually sat down w/ myself the other night and just, thought of how lovely of a year i've had and how emotional ive been regardless. i've traveled a lot and with every trip i come back with a lil self wisdom of some sort :') and i just realized how... there's so much peace and calm and love, but i have to remember that it's there myself. bc if not, it's really easy to just get washed away into the dramas of life. or even just the dramas of the ego, and all the fears and what ifs. and it can be hard to get back to that quiet, loving place when we get so caught up in the "problems"... but more than anything, it was remembering how the sweet, heavenly place within never disappears. even when it seems like its gone, it can't go anywhere because its our true self. its god. and just remembering that and tapping into that on a moment to moment basis. remembering the power in allowing and surrendering, accepting how i may feel and how things may look. and know how its just okay. and things are so beautiful and okay regardless, even if i cant see how in a moment. i know that i will eventually.

maybe more than you asked for :))))) but i wanted to share this bit lately but didnt feel like making a whole post about it either hahah

stay in touch :') <3

xo

[crayonverse]

Alright nobody asked or actually cares but here’s a bunch of my physical video games that I love

(long post)

Starting off weak: a bunch of my normal sims stuff. I have a lot of the sims 3 packs but they’re at my dads house (Along my with supernatural s1-15). i also have more sims 4 because i, stupidly, paid money for them (and i also dont understand how to pirate the rest)

Fantasy Life (best toh game ever I love it so much also one of the characters was accidentally trans coded please play this game🙏🙏h). also i could never complete the Bratz ponyz. i just kept cleaning the horses and then gave up lmao

Xbox games I can’t play because I don’t have an Xbox at my Mums and the one at my dads broke. I hope to find a new one sometime🫶. but also Viva Pinata is a brilliant game and is the best ever actually. everyone needs to a look a whirlim forever

Most goated Pokémon game ever. Real. God it’s so much fun I love this game sm. It was one of my first ever Pokémon games and I loved just running around and making friends. Truly amazing

Not games but movies I have. That arceus + the Lucario and mew movie were my only Pokémon media n shit. I rewatched them sm

When wii party and worms battle came out you know the sleepover got so good. the diseny enchatned princess was my childhood i just kept making a new princess and running around doing nothing

Switch games!!!!!!! I really like Pokémon games and eevee is my favourite little guy ever. i can never get far in ary bc my switch doesnt have enough space to keep playing :( it does seem cute with the small time i can play through

Scribblenauts has been like. One of my fav game series. Maxwell ur a sweet little man and I love him. also nintendogs those games have been so cute throughout my life. i love animals

i also consisently buy every single one of each of these games in their series bc they always slap so hard

The imagine series is also a staple those fucking things r COOL. ive just recently restarted my tomodachi island <3

PS3 stuff. Me and my dad used to play Rayman together

imagine teacher was my fav out of the imagine games i have. i got so invested in those fake preschoolers (the pottery level is the suckiest tho i hate it). moshi monsters cool tho i like it

Mod Nation was my mysims racing since i didnt have it and its. actually kinda fun. i think it also had an online element but idk if the servers are still active at this point. bugsnax is also revoulutionary play it play it play it play it

diseny universe was like a big game i kept trying to play with my friends but i think they fucking hated it LOL

my time at portia goated (saving up for the sequel rn)

outer worlds was also one of the only games i full on cried at the end. also at the time i ID'd as a asexual lesbian and Parvati, who was an asexual lesbian, made me feel very seen at the time. shes still my fav companion from that game.

lego dc supervillains has been my fav lego game so far and i hope more lego games are like it in the future because it was great

my lbp stack💪💪💪 i havent done much of A Big Adventure yet bc its more of an adventure game than the others and also you cant save normally in the game For Some Reason. like you cant just. save and quit. idk why that isnt in the game.

sorry for showing you all danganronpa

this has been my most recent video game. my dad went garage sale hunting and came back with two of these so i just stole one out of his boxes and took it home. havent played it yet but it looks cool

my sims games 💪💪💪💪💪💪 yes the fact that skyheroes is on the ps3 does in fact annoy me greatly no i will not tell my lovely mother that at all

ok yeah thats all the ones i want to show. i do have a bunch of other stuff but theyre not that cool

[silvaurum]

Not sure if this is adding to the conversation in any meaningful way-- but I saw your post on fat pleasure vs fat fetishizing. I'm a fetishist. I didn't want to post in the comments because honestly there was a lot of anti-fetishist activity there as people took that as agreeing with you.

I, too, agree with your point that bodies should just be bodies and attraction should just be attraction without a knee-jerk reaction to "diagnose" it. Attraction is usually not that deep and people are wrong for diagnosing or "explaining/justifying."

I don't know your experience with other fetishists, but to me it seems like these accusations probably come from outsiders? Possibly? People with anti-fat bias trying to justify or explain (multitasking to denigrating as well) why the attraction exists. Because we all know fetish is a slur. I just wonder if there's a way to prove your point without reconfirming anti-fetish biases.

The difference between kinksters and fetishists is that fetishists do not have a choice-- most literally cannot climax without the item/partiality etc. and go to therapy to try to cure themselves or never discuss it with a partner and gain satisfaction purely online.

To me, the fetish is extreme but also not that different from people who have partiality in general bodies. For shoulders or hands or torsos. It's part and partial of a body and of attraction to it and the person.

There's always a person there. Maybe I'm more or less extreme but imo I'm a fetishist through and through. I've dated people and told them. Some hilariously have not believed me. Others think it's very interesting but also can't wrap their heads around it. It's hard to navigate but always surprising.

I don't know what I'm trying to say but I think it's mostly that I don't think fetishists are the enemy here-- I have a quirky, nuanced attraction to people and when I see thick thighs I think there's something lovely in the world and go about my day. I think if I may, the real enemy is the people trying to define attraction in a way that excluded certain (beautiful, big) bodies and also fetishists.

But I also make space and apologize if anyone's been a fetishist and freaky to you on the Internet. People can be nasty about sex period.

i assume you're talking about the one viral post i have rn? cuz yeah honestly, i worded that post to be neutral to 'fetishizing' because like. i don't actually care if someone is attracted to my fatness in a kink or fetish way if they are respectful in real life. yk? like yes there are people who are disrespectful to the subjects of their fetish, but that's not because of the fetish. might as well say the average straight man has a 'fetish' for women at that point. like that's just misogyny/disrespect/whatever.

& i agree that like other peoples experiences and boundaries around that are valid ttly. i get why people can feel objectified & yeah there's some fatphobic themes that i don't like in some aspects of those spaces but like. welcome to every kink community: there's some problems. (& also welcome to every society: there's some problems.)

so i put 'um but what if thats a FETISH' in the same category as 'um youre GLORIFYING obesity'. and the category is pointless concern trolling that i do not need to care about. so what if someone likes my fat belly because they have a fetish? ok? are they cool to me as a person? ok cool. i will take 3 million fat fetishists who think i'm sexy as fuck and still respect me over 1 dipshit concern troll who cries if i say i like my belly. its about autonomy and respecting my ability to participate fully in society while fat. personally ive never had fetishists threaten my ability to get healthcare or diminish my worth as a person or try to convince me that being sexy as fuck was a mental and moral failing lol. so i cannot care that they... think im sexy as fuck. lol good. correct.

and yes your anaylsis is correct that people go 'fat fetish' to all attraction to fat people anyway because they feel uncomfortable if they don't 'explain' non-normative attraction existing. pretending it must be pathological or immoral or misdirected or something when the tiny sad machine that enforces social norms can't narrow us down. the anxiety when faced with potentially recognizing the many facets and spectrums of humanities wonderful and weird sexualities and pleasures, and that the 'natural' 'default' categories of attraction are neither.

much love to you anon ✌️🏼

[1d1195]

Omg yeah it was pi day yesterday! Completely forgot about that lol math is just hard and you’re one in the lucky ones who actually GET IT which is honestly amazing! I feel like as long as you don’t make any kids cry you’re good lol

AND MY BESTIE IS A GOOD SINGER?!??? I shouldn’t even be surprised bc of course you would be good! Idk why but that just makes me smile! I fear that the universe made you be shy in front of people because you would have been too powerful lol bc being good at math, being THE SWEETEST PERSON EVER, being a great writer and being able to sing??? YOU WOULD BE TOO POWERFUL!

Love that you just wanna look at Harry while driving, ICONIC! I get the scent thing! You definitely seem the type to like very natural or just overall comforting smells that don’t overpower but who knows scents can be very tricky! I love this specific Christmas candle that’s sold only in target and it’s smells so good! If by next holiday season I remember to look up the name I’ll let you know bc I think you would like it!

You know what’s wild, Harry’s 2019 SNL performance is what pushed me into this fandom! Was a casual listener before! Something about him using brass instruments for his live performances and showcasing them just did something to me plus HE LOOKED SO HOT HE HAD ME FEELING THINGS😵‍💫🫨 and omg you’re literally so kind! And music theory could honestly be your vibe! Music and just anything creative in general is just so important to me, I agree that I think I would die too lol aside from 1D did you have any artists that you would consider to be your top picks without question?

ALSOOOOOO toothpaste WAS SO GOOD! IVE NEVER WANTED TO BE AT THE DENTIST MORE TGAN EVER!! Like ahhh so so good and cute! Him taking her in on a short notice was so nice! But my girl was stressed and I love how immediately Harry was there to ground her and clam her down a bit! Their chemistry is just so good lol I would love to read more of them when inspiration hits! also I just love how you treat all your anons! Hope that this does make 🐱 feel a bit better!

Hope you’re having a lovely weekend bestie!!!-💜

I think if a kid cried because of me I would quit 😭

HAHAHA there are a lot of things I think I was slighted on because I would be too powerful. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I drank water regularly and/or worked out properly.

I have Harry all over my apartment (calendar, laptop background, and I hid him in one of our photo collages of our friends and family--technically it's a pick of 1D but still) and he's all over my classroom. So he's never too far from my sight. Poor bf thinks I'm crazy but I like to tell him I've known Harry longer than I've known him 😂 tbh idk how I've kept a bf this long when my heart belongs to Harry.

OOOH Def keep the candle in mind next holiday season! I LOVE Target so I will be first in line to get it 😂

He was so cute in 2019. I was just looking at 2018 pics of him and it's weird that was SIX years ago but that might be my favorite version of him 💕

As for another artist? Hmm...right now probs Noah Kahan; when I was young I LOVED Hilary Duff (her name was Sam in A Cinderella Story and made out with Chad Michael Murray so I ALWAYS wanted to be her (still do--she's so pretty and perfect)) I don't think I'm a diehard fan of any artist in particular--I'm def the popular song by a band/musician by and large. Maybe The Goo Goo Dolls or Vanessa Carlton. I think I could write an entire series of stories based on their music. I also like music my parents listened to more than anything on pop radio tbh. I think it's under the umbrella of classic rock/rock in general (John Mellencamp, Queen, The Eagles, Bruce Springsteen, I'm sure you get the vibe). I've def mentioned I'm not really all that musical and I don't do deep dives into most musicians or bands. I'm ashamed to say I only vaguely understand the lore of Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks and I feel like that's sacrilegious where Harry is such a big fan hehehe

Anyway, I know you went through an emo phase and obviously we LOVE Paramore but what other musicians do you like?

Very glad you liked Toothpaste! I hated the dentist growing up. I'm less scared now but MC is ME. I've had a LOT of dental work done over the years and I think in scale of health my priorities are (1) Mental (2) Dental (3) Physical. I could never be a doctor but I think i could do pretty good as a dentist. Last time I went to the dentist I was thinking about how scared I used to be and how much I hated it but I thought about how nice it would be if Harry was my dentist 🥰 So there will be more to it, but yes, I wanted to make my sweet 🐱-anon happy 💕

I hope you don't mind, I'm going to tag 🎶 because music talks are our specialty and I feel like I've never mentioned this to her! 💕

Thanks for your message bestie, it's so good to talk to you. Hope you get to relax a little this weekend! 💕

xoxo

[gaybd1]

How did that relationship with a mutual end?

okay sooo SUPER sorry if they end up finding this (they wont but still) and also im sure they NEVER think about it anymore but like i said this is tragically the only relationship i was in and i was SUPER in love lol

idk how much of this i shared before but im just gonna be super honest about it even if it makes me sound really bad but i was like... 21 at the time? lol

but here's the drama (be careful, it gets a little triggery with like. consent and stuff)

So I fell fast and hard in love, right. High school and college were SUPER rough for me so I think I was just glad to get attention from ANYONE even if it wasnt gonna be a perfect fit???

distance is never easy. from the getgo we lived like 5? hours away from each other and i was the only one driving (way too often) to go see them. i went like every weekend even though i had classes and homework and exams and stuff. My friends were telling me I was so dumb and I was like nooooo it's fine

ALSO okay so they were like in the middle of recovering from a major eating disorder and my friends were also like "hey this is like a bad time for you both to be doing a relationship then?" and i was like NAHHHHHH but also they were super private about it and it like never came up AT ALL and so

their dad made them move home like a month into our relationship so they could continue their recovery (totally fine and normal move right??) but i was like THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL and so i used a credit card to buy them a flight back over to spend a weekend with me ooooof

even then like there were some issues like it was the first time my friends met them and they were all "nah this sucks" and they were like super disrespectful to my friends and i just laughed it off

this is also the first time consent issues came into play like we LOVED making out lolllll but tbh it was all i was even interested in bc the medication ive been on my whole life kills my libido (this is WAY TMI IM SO SORRY) BUT we were messing around and they decided to give me a huge visible hickey in a place i had sAID i was totally uncool with

but it was totally fine right? because i loved them lollllllll

things were already also kind of weird here bc i was like "uh i think im a boy actually would u still love me" and they were like "i think im a girl actually but also a lesbian" and then we jUST KEPT MAKING OUT????

also they like... made me introduce them to my family??? when i was totally not ready for that and while we both IDed as nonbinary we definitely came across as a lesbian couple which i was NOT prepared to deal with my family about

i introduced them as a friend but they were super touchy and clingy and possessive and my mom was like 'oh so you're dating' and it was actually the worst most embarrassing thing ever

okay i know this is getting long but anyway they went back home again and heres where it gets REALLY spicy

im planning to present at this conference with my mom in another city and it's kind of a huge deal for us. i get a call from [ex] that their dad is going to [I don't remember the word for it but it's when you can legally send someone to a psych hospital against their will because it's for their own good] and MY DUMB ASS was like IT'S OKAY IM GOING TO BUY ANOTHER FLIGHT TO GET YOU OUT OF THE STATE AND COME HERE TO MY CONFERENCE

so lol that happened

we got a hotel that night! uhhhhhhh more MAJOR CONSENT ISSUES and tbh we're both at fault because i could have done a MUCH better job communicating what i was feeling but yeah basically Trauma happened to me

OKAY HERES THE KICKER. I THEN DRIVE THEM SIX HOURS TO ANOTHER CITY to fly out bc that's where they wanted to fly out from????

we said our 'i love you's and 'bye's

they called me THAT NIGHT and said 'hey lets take a break' and i NEVER HEARD FROM THEM AGAIN LMAOOOO

like was that probably the best thing for both of us YEAH but BOY i cried for days and i knew it was because of the sex lolllllll ANYWAY SO THERES THAT STORY

[fratboykate]

Papi, it makes me really sad to see you like this? Is someone taking care of you? Is your wife around? Do you have anyone to talk to? Do you want to say what happened? I'm sure none of us would mind listening if you do need to vent. Love you Papi.

1. Lol, no. I have three “best friends”. I texted one two days ago and I told him I was basically dying and he hasn’t texted back even though I see him on IG stories and I know he can see me watching his stories so that’s cool. I was talking with the second one yesterday because he texted me about our plans for a wedding we need to go to in Greece next year and the moment we finished addressing what we needed to and I was like “...hey btw I’m fucking whatever is seventy steps beyond rock bottom” he disappeared. Also see him on IG stories. Also know that he knows I’m seeing him posting so...that’s also very cool. I’ve talked to Megan like twice this year I think so pretty sure that’s off the table too. I’ve thought about texting her tho because I just...can’t do this? Like...I’m done??? But I don’t even know if she’s in town or in the east coast with her family so whatever. Anyway, that’s it. That’s the list of people I supposedly could talk about anything to but don’t care enough to listen I guess. 

2. Nope. She’s gone for the holidays to see her family and before people start sending questions: yes she spends all holidays with her family and no I never go. It’s complicated. Don’t ask about it. 

3. Refer to point one. 

4. I mean my life is a dumpster fire 99% of the time so there’s that...but here’s the cliffnotes of what’s been sitting atop the list for a while now:

-“It’s not that I'm afraid I'm not enough for her”...nope...definitely was and it seems like it was more than justified. Turns out I was right. I wasn’t even a blip on the radar, nothing more than a “symptom to a problem”. That’s all I ever was. I was sitting right around -2 on the list of relevant things. 

-“I got you this rose and I need to know, will you let it die or let it grow?” It wasn’t just left to die. The vase was smashed on the floor, then set on fire, then the ashes were stomped on, and when I leaned down to try and pick up the dust that was left I was kicked in the face for good measure. Just to really drive the point across. 

It’s just been shit piling on top of shit piling on top of shit for so long and I feel like the weight of it finally made me cave. I don’t know. I genuinely don’t fucking know. All I know is that I can’t stop crying no matter how hard I try and that I literally can’t breathe because it actually feels like there’s a weight on my chest that won’t let me. It’s like someone is putting pressure on it. Maybe the house is haunted. Perhaps I just have a ghost problem and they’re trying to kill me but sitting on my torso and suffocating me to death lol. 

I’m not even sure if they’re working this week but if they are I’m going to kill my doctor tomorrow for not giving me the meds I basically begged for last week. If they’re not working that’s going to be interesting because I can’t spend however long it takes them to get back into the office sobbing on my bed. I can’t. I refuse to. 

[blxetsi]

I was curious if you’d be up for headcanon of adopting Gabi Braun, or what it’s like being her older sibling?

If not maybe just Pieck relationship headcanons

Please and thank you

im so sorry im getting to this so late 😭🤚 ty for requesting ‼️

‼️CONTENT WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 AND CHAPTER 139‼️

adopting gabi braun headcanons (canonverse)

characters: gf!sasha braus x gn!reader, platonic!gabi braun x gn!reader, fatherly!levi ackerman x gn!reader, platonic!falco grice x gn!reader

warnings: death, angst, hatred for kids (fuck them kids‼️), peepaw levi 😁👍

- uhhhhhh,, your relationship w gabi had a very rocky start. Lol !

- it all started when your friend eren jaeger decided to run away to infiltrate marley causing the survey corps to go get him just as a war was declared between your countries, and then two kids snuck onto the airship you were using to escape and shot your girlfriend. and she died. Lol !

- you had a lot of hatred for gabi in the beginning, and it was understandable

- you blamed her for shooting sasha, but you also blamed yourself for not being able to save her.

- you were a trained medic, you were supposed to save people, and yet you couldnt even save the woman you loved. it was like a slap in the face, like god was playing some cruel joke on you

- you remember sitting against the wall with sasha's blood staining your hands. you could barely process what happened at the time, and then levi came

- he sat next to you, taking a handkerchief out of nowhere seemingly, and just wordlessly wiped your hands down.

- your relationship with the older man was never defined, even today, but you both cared for each other

- the next time you saw gabi, was in that restaurant, niccolo had attacked gabi and falco, injuring them both, and said she killed sasha

- your blood went cold, you felt so many things, the grief you had pushed down in favour of your job, anger, fear, among other things

- niccolo had said there needed to be justice, he said that gabi should die for what she did, he tried to get sasha's father to kill her, and all you did was stand there.

- your body went on autopilot, barely listening to mr. braus' speech, you watched as kaya pointed a knife at gabi, and you listened to her wails of agony as you blindly led mikasa, armin, and gabi to a different room

- you were scared of yourself, for what you were thinking. did you really want a kid to die ? she did kill your girlfriend, the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, the woman that shared her food with you, the woman that held you when you got scared at night, the woman that promised you that after the war you two would live on a farm together, and have a family of your own.

- but she was still a child. she didnt know any better. you were conflicted in your feelings, especially after hearing what niccolo had said, but it all just emphasized what was already known to you. she was a child

- your blood was pounding in your ears, and you could faintly hear gabi asking your comrades if they wanted to kill her. when armin reassured her they didnt, she looked to you and asked "what about them ?"

- you didnt answer her, and continued to lead them down where eren would be meeting you all. you were supposed to drop them off, but eren made you stay, and then a fight broke out

- you dont remember when you did it, but you held gabi in your arms, shielding her from the fight. you think you needed to be held more than she did

- things got more complicated after that, and slowly the hatred you had for sasha's killer went away, until all you had left was a hole in your chest from guilt and sadness.

- at fort salta, you thought you were going to die there, next to your friends. you thought you'd become a mindless titan, like connie's family

- but you didnt, well you did, but only for a short time, and when you turned back, you reunited with your friends

- looking around for gabi, you saw her tackle falco into a hug, which made you smile

- "y/n !" jean called, you remember looking behind you in confusion, he sounded distressed, but you understood why when you saw sasha saluting the three of you

- you felt your legs move on your own, and you ran closer to her, before stopping about a meter away. she was dead, you knew she was dead, but she was there, wearing that goofy smile on her face and looking at you as if you'd hung the stars in the sky

- she looked at you. "you did good." hearing her voice felt like a dream. your mouth felt dry, and your jaw opened and closed like a fish before you felt tears sting your eyes. "i love you."

- she nodded, before looking at the sky. "i know." she replied. sasha looked back at you before giving you a soft smile. "you know what to do now." before she disappeared in the debris

- you knew what to do, so you did it

- you found levi sitting against a rock, and when you leaned down next to him he muttered something. "i saw erwin again. and hange. all of them." you nodded. "i saw sasha." he looked at you, and gave you the closest thing to a smile. "i guess we're both at peace now."

*****

- three years later, you've become a school teacher in paradis, teaching young children how to read, to write, and basic math. you teach them about art and music, and nature. its nice being surrounded by children all day, kids are lovely.

- you live with gabi, falco and levi, in a small house inside wall sina. levi's legs have gotten weaker with time, causing him to use a wheelchair and crutches. he's given up on his dream of a tea shop, but is content with the life he has now.

- gabi and falco have gotten more rowdy with age, but they've both matured quite a bit. they make you proud

- you send letters to sasha's family. kaya is growing up, and has taken over archery just like her sister. niccolo is living with them now.

- you'll never be able to let go of sasha, or what happened to her, but the pain in your chest has dulled immensely. you think about her sometimes, when youre in bed alone, wanting to feel the warmth of her body in your arms, you know you should move on, you get teased about not having a new girlfriend, even levi has made comments about there being "plenty of fish in the sea"

it was a late night, on a friday. you were grading spelling tests at the dining room table, one lone candle being your source of light. your pen moves swiftly across the different pieces of paper, adding check marks or x marks when needed, adding a note at the bottom of each test, before adding a smiley face on all of your students' hard work. it was tedious, but it needed to be done, and you had to remember to bring them in on monday, you couldn't forget like last time.

you heard footsteps coming down the stairs. they were soft, and slow, and at first you thought it was levi but realized it couldn't be since you couldn't hear the soft tapping of his crutches on the stairs. they came down to the bottom and stood there, it was gabi, dressed in a light pink nightgown that came down to her knees, and her disheveled hair in the braid you did for her before bed.

you pushed your reading glasses to the top of your head. "what are you doing up ? it's late."

she shrugged, and walked over to sit across from you at the table. gabi grabbed the stack of papers that you already graded and shuffled through them, giggling when she found a misspelling.

you rolled her eyes. "don't laugh, they're six."

she shook her head. "i was spelling ten times better than this when i was their age."

"uh huh."

"are you calling my bluff ?"

you chuckled. "maybe. you should be in bed though."

"why ? it's not like we have school tomorrow."

you shrugged. "i was thinking we could go on a picnic outside the walls. it gets stuffy in here."

she nodded. "that would be fun."

the silence came back for a while, until you finished grading and set your papers aside.

"you know, i hear you sometimes." she whispered.

you looked at the brunette in confusion. "how do you mean ?"

"when your in bed, sometimes you cry."

you scoffed, and leaned back in your chair. "yeah well, i try to muffle it."

"i don't think ive ever apologized to you," she started. her eyes welled up with tears and her hands shook on the table. her cheeks and nose became pink as she held herself back from crying. "i know i feel bad, and i regret killing her but, i've never actually apologized to you for-"

"don't." you said. you kept your eyes on your lap, you felt your throat growing tight. "please gabi, don't say anything."

"i need to apologize-"

"you don't. you killed her. she's dead, the war is over. it's done. just let it go." you said, your voice wavering.

"have you let it go ?"

your head shot up to her. "i lost the woman i was going to spend the rest of my life with. she promised me a safe home, a farm, and a family. and she promised we'd grow old together. and that didn't happen. i grew up with her, i've known her since i was twelve, we started dating when i was sixteen. of course i haven't let it go, gabi."

gabi looked shocked by your outburst, but nodded. she understood how you felt, and she felt so guilty. "you don't forgive me do you ? i get it, i really do. i'm sorry."

you shook your head. "gabi no, i do. i do forgive you. i just, i can't forget it." you whimpered, tears started streaming down your face and you choked back a sob. "i loved her with all of my heart, i still do, but i don't hate you-"

gabi rolled her eyes, tears coming out uncontrollably now. "you should. i killed her, i ruined your chance of a happy life ! she was your family and i-"

"gabi no !" you exclaimed, cutting her off. at this point you both looked like a mess, and you were worried you woke up the boys. you grabbed her shaking hands in your own and held them to you. "you are my family. you are. so is falco, and so is levi. i forgive you, and i love you with all of my heart." you said, a sad smile on your face. her eyes widened at your words, before she started sobbing.

you got up from the table to come to her side, and held her in your arms as she cried. her arms wrapped around your shoulders while she dug her head into your neck, tickling you with her hair.

you rubbed her back and cradled her head while shushing her. she sobbed out a muffled "i love you so much y/n." that you chuckled at.

"i love you too so much." you whispered back.

it took a long time for gabi to calm down, but when she did you still held her, rocking her and yourself back and forth slightly. you two moved from the chairs down to the floor, funny enough.

you kissed the top of her head before talking, the only noise in the room being your whispers, her sniffles and the living room clock. "you know reiner's coming home soon. are you excited ?" she nodded against your skin and sniffled again, clearing her throat too.

"i hope he brings me a gift or something." she whispered back, her voice hoarse. it made you laugh, and you had to cover your mouth to keep quiet.

"they're going to shiganshina district for a couple of days, to visit mikasa and eren, and then mikasa will come with them to the capital."

"do you miss her ?" she asked.

"so much. i miss all of them, but mikasa is a close friend of mine, she holds a special place in my heart."

"do you think you and levi will go to the meetings between the marley ambassadors and the jaegerists ?" she asked.

"maybe, if they feel as though they really need us."

you sighed through your nose, which was a bit stuffy from crying. "after we turned back into humans, i saw sasha again."

gabi lifted her head up from where it was resting on your shoulder. "what ?"

"yeah, i saw her ghost i think." you looked down on her with a smile on your face. "she told me i knew what i needed to do, and then i went and got levi and you and falco." you paused for a moment, thinking about how you would word what you were thinking. "i did what i needed to do, i got my family together." gabi's eyes widened. "sasha promised me a family, and although this wasn't the family i had envisioned, it's still a family nonetheless. i believe her last gift to me was you, falco, and levi. and i am so grateful to have you all in my life."

gabi smiled before hugging you. she opened her mouth to say something-

"oi !" a deep voice came from the top of the stairs. "you two woke me up with all of your crying. go to bed." before your heard the creaking of the floorboards and the closing of a door.

you chuckled before standing up, pulling gabi with you. you walked her to her room, and even tucked her in, you both exchanged 'i love yous' and 'goodnights' before you retreated from her bedroom, closing the door behind you.

across the hall, levi stood leaned on his doorway with his arms crossed together. "that family speech, that was cute." he commented. you rolled your eyes at the older man. "were you listening in on a private conversation ?" you teased.

the ex-captain scoffed and looked away. "go to bed y/n. we have a picnic to go on tomorrow." before closing his door.

you chuckled to yourself, remembering how you brought up the idea to him that morning, and he only replied with a curt "we'll see" before sipping on his morning tea.

you went back to your own room, and got into your bed. you turned on your side, and looked at the space you always left open for sasha, and brushed your hand against the pillow.

"goodnight love."

uhhhhh doesnt feel like my best work but whatevs 😁👍 enjoy my comeback to tumblr 🤩🙏

requests open mfs ‼️

[shhh-no-ones-home]

heavy cross to bear* matt Murdock x reader

+++++++++ Request @juniebugg: reader and Matt are in a very serious relationship (could be married) but then when reader actually sees Elektra, whom she already knew about but has never seen because she was "dead," she gets really insecure and tells matt that he deserves better or something and he reassures her. Angst and smut"

hopefully its not too ooc this is my first MM smut so i hope you like! and thanks again for the request!!

* - you asked for smut and that really is all this is lol, little bit of story. 

Song: wasted time by skid row

tag list: @cynic-spirit @juniebugg

+++++++++

i sat at the table sipping coffee and thinking. it was almost nine at night and i knew i should be getting ready for bed but my body wasn't quite ready to move yet. when matt disappeared into our bedroom i figured he'd be changing into daredevil for the millionth time but when he emerged in his pajamas i was a little surprised. and then it hit me. maybe he knew. hell, he always knew.

but maybe it was just that something was off, that i needed him to say it again, to stay with me and make sure i knew. but then there was her. she had showed up out of nowhere and took me off guard more than anything else up until now. one more doubt at the forefront of my mind. that i didnt believe him when he said he loved me despite being married for a year, despite having dated for three before hand, and despite everything he has done to keep me safe. because he loved her first and it felt like the biggest lie ive ever been told. even after a couple days of sitting on it and hoping it would go away. still it was there. in the back of my mind:

"matt i dont know if i can do this anymore."

his head tilted to the side and he looked confused.

"do what?"

he asked almost worried, moving slowly to the table and sitting.

"this, us. i just- you deserve so much more, so much better than- well, than me."

he was quick to scoot his chair closer to my own, his hand coming to rest on mine.

"hey, dont even say that. what would make you think i would want anyone but you?"

now he absolutely sounded worried.

"i saw her matt."

"saw who?"

i shook my head.

"that woman, your ex. you said she was gone."

"elektra?"

he sounded a little broken.

"shes something else ill give her that much. i see why you like her."

he swallowed hard.

"elektra is dead."

i shook my head.

"then why was she here? looking for you. saying your name with such... god i dont even know how to explain it. matthew."

i repeated it exactly as she had said it and it felt wrong. like i was acting. saying someone elses emotions and intentions. they were no longer mine. or at least it seemed like it. There was a long silence and I just stared at him.

"She was here?"

There was hope in his voice and I figured that was it. It made me angrier than it probably should've and my only response was to stand and walk away. I got half way across the living room before he caught my arm.

"Y/n, that doesn't matter. I-"

He swallowed hard and I tried to study his face.

"You mean more to me than anything. Yes I love, loved, her but I married you. I chose you. I want nothing more than to be with you. For better or for worse remember?"

He bargained and I sighed heavily.

"How can I be sure you mean that? What if she comes back? again."

He shook his head, taking both my hands in his and stepping closer to me.

"Let me prove it to you. If she really is back then it doesn't matter. I'm with you, I love you, and I'll always chose you."

I closed my eyes, feeling him get closer and closer until his forehead was against my own.

"We belong together."

He whispered before kissing me gently.

"I only want you."

He kept just as quiet, kissing next to my mouth once, then twice, making his way across my cheek and to my jaw.

"Matt."

I breathed out and he paused. I licked my lips lightly before opening my eyes and looking at him. He really did seem like he meant it. He was trying so hard to keep it together.

"I can't lose you."

He sounded so broken.

"Do it."

He drew his brows and I brought my hand up to touch his face gently. We were still so close I could feel his breath fanning my neck.

"Show me you mean it."

I said softly and his Expression changed.

"I love you so much."

He said before kissing me harshly, releasing my hands and pressing his fingertips into my hips. I hummed against him as he walked us backwards. We stumbled along as he pulled my shirt up, tossing it to the floor.

"Matt."

I moaned, pulling his shirt up next. It was gone in a second and he was back, kissing me and moving quickly to get my pants down. His hands roamed my body just as much as mine roamed his. I traced my fingers slowly up his torso, grazing over his scars before wrapping my arms around his neck. I gasped when he picked me up. There was a soft laugh that escaped him and I was relieved to see him smile even if it was just a second. He knew it would take some convincing and he was right. I needed to know he meant it. That Elektra wasn't gonna be a problem.

"I need you."

He whispered again, laying me gently on the bed and situating himself between my legs.

"I need you to know how much I mean it."

He kissed my jaw slowly, then down my neck and across my collar bone.

"Prove it."

I challenged, my breath hitching in my throat as he ripped my bra open from the front, his lips grazing my nipple before taking it into his mouth. He hummed against me, his finger tips down my torso and into my panties.

"Matt."

I moaned, dropping my head back as he ran his finger up me and against my clit. i closed my eyes, pushing my head back into the bed as he stroked me, kissing his way back up to my exposed neck.

"i love you."

he repeated against the heat of my skin. when he resituated i could feel how hard he was already.

"i need you."

i breathed out, pressing my hips up into him as he continued to finger me.

"matt."

i whined, him removing his hand long enough to pull my panties down. i looked up to him with lust blown eyes, watching him intently as he got rid of his boxers.

"youre still okay with this?"

he asked and i nodded quickly, pulling his face to mine and kissing him deeply.

"please."

i moaned, inhaling deeply before he kissed me again, pushing his hips into mine. my breath caught in my throat as he pushed all the way into me, catching my bottom lip between his teeth as my mouth hung open.

"i wanna hear you."

he said softly.

"feel you."

he moaned against my shoulder, dropping his head to the crook of my neck as he placed his large palm over my heart. it was already banging at my rib cage begging to be let out but i could have swore it did when he started moving. he pulled out of me slowly before slamming back into me and i moaned so loudly i was surprised at myself. and then he did it again and again, getting a good rhythm. it was long, and hard. nothing like our nights prior, even on his worst of days when he's frustrated and in need of release. no this was different. purposeful.

"matt."

i held onto him for dear life, pressing my fingertips into his shoulder blades as he continued to pound into me in long drawn out strokes.

"tell me. tell me what you want."

he grunted out, trying to sound as steady as possible.

"i want you. god i only want you!"

i cried out as he thrusted upward harshly. then he did it again and i saw stars, my mouth falling open as i moaned.

"thats my girl."

he praised, trailing his hand down my torso and pressing his finger in circles against my clit.

"youre almost there."

he coaxed, building me up. i could feel the tightness building, pressing my hips up to meet him as he kept his pace.

"im so close."

i panted, pressing my finger tips harder into his bicep as i gripped onto him.

"do it, do it for me, let go."

he said softly and i snapped. my orgasm racked through my body and my vision went blurry. i was breathing hard as he rode out my high, still chasing his own.

"im almost there."

he said, squeezing his eyes shut. he moved to pull out but i wrapped my legs tightly around his waist.

"y/n?"

he asked surprised and i leaned up to kiss him.

"just do it."

i said, pressing a hard kiss to his neck. he kept going, knuckles going white against the bedsheets as he came in me with a loud groan.

"oh my god."

he panted, slowing his thrusts.

"i love you oh my god."

he said, dropping to his forearms, trying not to put his full weight on top of me. my legs were still wrapped tightly around his torso as we both calmed down.

"i love you too matty."

i said softly, feeling him nuzzle his nose against my neck. it made me giggle a little bit and i could feel him smiling against my skin before kissing it gently.

"you have no idea how relieved i am to hear that. youre the only one for me. always will be."

i sighed softly in content, kissing his forehead and dropping my legs.

"im sorry i doubted you. i just. i need a reminder every once in a while i guess."

he kissed my chest before pulling out of me and dropping to the bed beside me.

"i will give you as many reminders as you need, as long as we both shall live."

he said, taking my hand in his and kissing the back of it.

"thank you matt. thank you for everything. especially knocking some sense into me."

he raised a brow, a half smirk on his face and i immediately wondered what was going through that mind of his.

"after tonight sense might not be the only thing i knocked into you."

i couldnt help but laugh, him matching it as i rolled onto his chest.

"i know you want nothing more than to tell the father we're finally starting that catholic family with lots and lots of beautiful babies but i still have my iud."

he let out a short laugh sigh before i kissed him quickly.

"but that doesnt mean i couldnt be persuaded into getting it taken out."

he raised an intrigued brow.

"oh?"

i laughed lightly.

"ill think about it. right now i just wanna live in this moment with you."

i said the last bit through a yawn, resting my head against his chest and hearing his heartbeat.

"i love you."

he whispered, earning a hum from me as i dozed off.