#all I know is being a person that makes mistakes and has to constantly rectify them

[gandreida]

I feel like i’ve broken the cycle of abuse? I feel like I’ve found a way out of landing myself in abusive relationships.

[bogkeep]

i think. that if My Trauma™ has taught me anything, is that a lot of the time, what makes something Malicious Manipulation is the context.

like, of course we want to be able to tell when someone is trying to decieve us, and there are plenty of phrases to raise red flags and linguistic tricks designed to rope us along, to be sure... but someone saying the truth in a kind way and someone lying with ill intent can say the exact same thing. the difference is that one does not match up with reality. and yeah, that's scary! that's the whole thing about trust!! every time i see an analysis of someone's behaviour on social media with a framing of that person being SUSPICIOUS and MANIPULATIVE, it honestly really fucks with my head because ANYTHING can be posited as Suspicious and Manipulative. blocked people? didn't reply to every message from strangers? didn't publicly adress a topic or a controversy? took a break from the internet? said literally anything at all??? sounds like normal and healthy social media behaviour to ME, but what do i know! anyone who has the misfortune of finding themself the target of a smear campaign will quickly find that there's Nothing you can say or do that doesn't look Suspicious. if even a genuine effort to rectify a mistake or explain what happened can be seen as MANIPULATING THE MASSES, what chance do you have if you react in a normal, human way to being bullied? or, on the flip side, if you hold on to bad faith and read it in everything, if even generic niceness creeps you out, if there is no way for anyone to prove their innocence or humanity to you - that doesn't seem like a pleasant way to live, either. nor is constantly worrying if anything you say will come off as Malicious or Manipulative.

like, yeah. there's shitty people out there. i don't have any good advice on avoiding them. i trust easy, i often forget people can Just Go On The Internet And Tell Lies - yes i am quite autistic thank you - and my main two defenses are "i don't like the thing you're saying, either because the contents are bad or because the contents don't make any sense" and "the things you're saying and the things you're doing don't match up". those only really work if i trust myself enough, and sometimes that's hard, too.

anyway those are another two cents nobody asked for but you're getting anyway

[the-firebird69]

They're all saying bad things about me they send it to her and they do it too much and there's too many of them doing it and they're infighting and that's 1 reason why the max plan to do it and it's to their own detriment their bunkers will soon be breached they'll start to lose them and we have a very large safety underneath them I will say that you idiots here have given us a zero solution or zero sum game and there's only one solution to that and that is your destruction and it's because you're harassing me and threatening my life constantly and you have a war going on nearby which is illegal and forces the issue and it's massive massive violations of all sorts of grievance as a precursor for very ugly time for your people it sets a precedent that we will of course you use we're much better at it we don't fail at it if we don't want you in an area you're not there. You people here do not want to have a plan most of you and you're ridiculous all day long you want to bother one person and people have their knives well into your backs and you can see what's going to happen to you because of your idiotic behavior you can make fun of me but I have a lot more things to make fun of you about I have a lot of things to harass you about and we haven't really done that and we should you're poor you smell you're old you're sick you have tons of money you don't know what to do with it or how to use it you had all the businesses and you lost them and keep repeating the same stupid mistakes over and over and over you say you have a mega computer and you can't even have the mega computer do anything and it's not yours it's a very huge taboo and who cares armies are against you and computers fall very quickly. Your leaders are sicker than hell they can't hard to get you food or h....u're coming to us the people that you abuse re3questing aide as if we are a charity or are your momma. and we arent. I have massive value for just being in a place people used to use me for advertising and would take over industries and now you don't value it because you're running some sort of **** plan that you exposed by treating me bad it's not very complex what you're doing wrong and you refuse to rectify it and you will all be gone morlock shortly in the Mac Proper have decided to try and pull up and then find it to be too heavy and then having us do a lot of the work and it's because they are incapable of doing it they too are dwindling a lot of their bunkers are plugged or blocked really not plugged and you're a total failures just as I thought and knew you were so you sit here making fun of me when your situation is rapidly deteriorating your financial situation is dire you're losing control over the finance centers as if you never had them and you're losing businesses rapidly as if you don't care and you don't even have a clue as to what you're up against at all you don't understand what's happening on Saturn or within you don't know what's below the continental caverns. further your behvior is so bad most forgeiens kill youi on site as does your father andwe see it all day long al the time now. He refused to shut up you don't have a parallel with me at all 'cause you won't go down into the caverns to make sure your father doesn't procure ships that he can go to Saturn with and you sit here threatening me thinking you're gonna get stuff because you're **** me off you don't have a game here anymore it's because of this trump guy now BJA is getting pushed off the big stashes and caches what I suggest to him is to stay on the ones that are in his areas and focus on them and don't back off them and look at how other people are doing it'cause I don't wanna put up with another whiny Jew until they're out

Zues Hera oh my God this is nnoying this shit trump has to go

So he says and that's Trump I have a hang nail helped me chris and my nephew says I cut your hand off yesterday how do you have a damn hang now. And that's what's happening this guy's Stefan van normally and is so clueless and he still got a lot of money and people should be taking advantage of it this is such a **** for a show because of him I mean you can save her how bad he is and stuff let's say you should start doing that see 12 step program so people are saying it finally he's like a lozenge but we really have to get going and if he's right if we give up on one of these stashes and cashes at least one we have to have we're doomed and we should get the ones where we are in Australia that's one in the West Coast he says and that's two and we're going to go ahead with it now and we want we know which ones that Tommy F is not at so we're going to focus and it's kind of an agreement we'll make and we won't get pushed around and yeah we have to stand on it 'cause she's right you turn into this mushy **** **** **** he's got all this stuff and he turned into it. But they're gonna be having a big war and it is with the max so getting going right now

bja

Olympus

and the pussy says shove it so what we hit y8ou now you lazy dead shit

Hera yeh f off loser lol you moron. got mroe territory lol Zues

[silver-heller]

Since canon inspires you, I would like to give you the floor to explain where your soft Mordecai headcanons come from, please! /pos

Obviously all interpretations are valid but I wanna hear more about yours specifically!

Ooo this is a fun one! Thank you for the ask, sorry it took me so long to get to it. Putting this under the cut cause I know I'm gonna ramble.

So, I'll be honest, a lot of it comes from the side comics, since we get to see what Mordecai is like outside of work and with those he's closest to.

However, I do think Mordecai's treatment of Freckle within what we've seen in the comic so far is notable. So, let's start there!

Mordecai's Treatment of Freckle

Freckle is...easy pickings, to say the least. He's a skittish lad who isn't used to being face to face with people like Mordecai. Mordecai could, quite easily, scare someone like Freckle into submission if he wanted to, whether it be for his own gain or satisfaction. Yet, during the lunch, mostly between Asa and Mitzi, and even after Mordecai just leaves Freckle alone. Freckle orders literal chocolate milk in front of the man and the most Mordecai does is give Asa a look (which is later implied to be because Asa mentioned "warning Atlas) and leave the table instead of teasing him lol. Aka, Mordecai doesn't appear mean to me for no reason or even out of a sadistic or malicious drive.

Mordecai is only down right antagonistic to Rocky (in this specific scene), but this is only after Rocky gets in his personal space and calls him "ol' serious face". Rocky was definitely being affectionate but, I think to Mordecai it just came off as rude. Poor guy has to deal with people commenting on his "serious demeaner" constantly within the comic and he's clearly pretty fed up with it. Yet, at the same time, his insult to Rocky also serves as a double edge sword of insulting Mitzi as well, his real target.

Which is to say he is quite cruel to Mitzi, but, he believes her to be complacent in Atlas' death. Mordecai's meanness appears to come from either the stressed state he's in or because he's cagey and feels he has a reason to attack. Doesn't mean it's justified, just that, again, it's not coming from an overly mean spirited place.

So let's look at those side comics when Mordecai isn't as stressed, shall we?

The Side Comics

The side comics showcase Mordecai in a more relaxed environment and we get to see him actually show genuine care and interest in people. Tannenbaum is one example. Yes Mordecai claims the reason he gave Viktor the tie is because he wants to "encourage better wardrobe choices", but despite his uncaring and icy demeaner, the fact he went out of his way to either buy or select a tie specifically for Viktor can't be overlooked.

In Valentino he attempts to give a woman making eyes at him a smolder. He doesn't appear attracted to her, the only reason he does it seems to be because she was expecting and waiting for it, potentially to make her stop staring. He seems to have a thing about that.

The result is terrifying, but, Mordecai was trying his best and wasn't genuinely trying to scare her.

In Wassail we see Mordecai and Viktor accidentally scare some carol singers. Mordecai doesn't yell at them for interrupting. He just politely says the equivalent of "not now please". Meaning his default is polite unless he's given a reason not to be/something about someone rubs him the wrong way.

In Sophistry, Mordecai playfully has a conversation with Rocky about what is best, pancakes or waffles. It's just a lot of fun babble, showing Mordecai is capable of that despite being dead serious about his job.

In Flirting we see Mordecai be very cold and dismissive to a woman flirting with him...only to realize Mordecai just completely misunderstood he question and spends the rest of the comic attempting to rectify his mistake.

Even when he's accused he isn't mean to either of the women he is speaking to, he just attempts to redirect the conversation.

Mordecai also does dance with her at the end! Probably because he just got tired of the staring but, I like to think a part of him did feel a little bad for the mix up.

In Expedition Mordecai, as he usually does, criticizes Viktor for his uncleanly look. But he's only criticizing Viktor for it because of how it might make them look, rather than just being a bully and calling Viktor "ugly" due to a personal opinion.

Conclusion

So, really it all just comes down to "whenever Mordecai is mean it's because he feels attacked, sees himself as serving some kind of purpose through his harshness, or doesn't realize how harsh he sounds". This doesn't mean I write him as being soft all the time. He still loves to argue with Viktor and it did take him some time to understand Silver's sensitivities, plus there's specific reasons why Mordecai ended up being so gentle with Silver, but that's another post (that I am definitely making after this lol). This is a very good set up for how I view Mordecai's motivations when it comes to niceness and meanness though.

[supernovaa-remnant]

please i desperately want to know why dream is katara that is such a cool thought

anon I am so happy you asked me this question. I'm going to approach this from two angles: one being simply the similarities between dream and katara's character, and the other being fandom perception and treatment.

so, first off, traits. they're both incredibly kind and compassionate, but also very strong willed and passionate about what they believe in. they're also both willing to see the best in people (I don't think dream needs an explanation for this, and with katara this was evident in the fact that she was the first person to trust zuko.. she also got that trust broken by him which I could also connect to dream but </3)

katara is always helping the gaang with so many things; she's often considered the mother of the group, which in part comes from her own trauma of losing her mother, but it also just comes from taking care of the gaang and making sure they're okay and sometimes even leading them to where they need to go. dream has been praised by his friends so often. I feel like I don't need to get into much detail—he's constantly looking out for his friends and lifting them up, and it's no secret that he's a sort of leader within the dream team lol.

also, katara is very protective with her friends. this doesn't always translate to fully attacking people, but, for example, when those girls made fun of toph, katara made sure toph was okay. dream is always speaking highly of his friiends, making sure they know they're loved, defending them, etc.

they've also both been through a lot. like, obviously there's differences, but the point is they've both been hurt and are both doing their best to continue living despite this hurt. this, of course, leads to them making mistakes or overall just showing normal human emotional reactions to things, but here's where fandom comes into play.

I never realized how much people held katara to a different standard when I first watched the show. But on the internet, there's so many jokes about her mother being all she talks about, about her emotional reactions to things, etc etc. But you watch the show, and she talks about her mother a pretty reasonable amount, and when you consider everything she's been through, her emotional outbursts make sense. because she's just human (she's actually just a kid.. 14 is so so young), but the fandom puts her up against such high standards, like she must be the most rational person ever when it comes to processing her emotions..

does that sound familiar to anyone? anyway, I'm not saying dream's never made mistakes (he has he has), but ultimately we're all human and we all make mistakes, and what really matters is how you respond after making those mistakes, whether you apologize and rectify them or buckle down etc etc. and we all know dream isn't really ""allowed"" to express emotions otherwise he's being manipulative or he's reactionary or he needs to be medicated, etc. y'know, despite the fact that dream has been put through an amount of scrutiny and has been facing a hate campaign that literally no human is built for. because we're not built to be known by such large quantities of people. and yet we are and we're all making do with what we have, but when you have so much of that attention being negative, sometimes you won't have perfectly reasonable thought out responses to things, and that's just part of being human. because he's not a pr machine—he's human, but he's so often not allowed to be.

uhhhh anyway sorry if that was kinda incoherent feel free to ask clarifying questions <33

[ladyeliot]

Before we go (Part two)

Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4

Pairing: Chris Evans x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your company has sent you to Boston to close a deal on the same day you have the most important date of your life at night in New York. Things get complicated, you can’t return to New York and you have to spend the night in Boston with a complete stranger.

Warning: Fluff.

Word count: 3105

Notes: English is not my native language, sorry for the mistakes.

On many occasions you have asked yourself if it makes sense to live life without love, to go on this journey without ever having fallen deeply in love. There was a time when you thought that without it, life would hardly make sense, but without knowing when and why it stopped being important to you.

You would never have believed the words that would have told you that you would be at eleven o'clock that Sunday night walking the streets of the city of Boston. An idyllic scene for a romantic movie, wandering the streets aimlessly with a stranger would be the perfect plot for any novel ending with a kiss, but it was obvious that it wasn't going to happen.

You were walking beside that young man, called Chris, but even though your body was present, your head was still scheming for solutions. It was impossible to get your belongings until the next morning, when Hackney's lost property division opened at 8:00 a.m., but that didn't matter because you expected to be in New York by that time, so that option was out of the question. The only option was that there was a friendly taxi driver who was willing to drive you to New York for free until you reached your destination. Thinking about it, the drive to New York was about 4 hours, Michael's plane left at 7:00 a.m. from JFK airport, so that gave you a minimum of 3 hours to find the taxi driver.

"We can make it," encouraged the perfect stranger next to you. "We have until 2:00 a.m. to find someone willing to drive you to New York."

"Did you just speak in the plural?" you asked curiously. "You definitely don't have anything better to do tonight."

"Not quite," Chris smiled opening the door to the coffee shop, you had arrived at your destination. "Good evening Perry."

"But what do my eyes see?" he exclaimed stepping out from the bar and offering Chris an energetic hug, "What are you doing here man?"

"You know, I've missed your pizzas mate," he said, pulling away from him.

"I'm glad to hear that," the waiter glanced at you and back at Chris. "The usual table?"

"You know me," he smiled making a small motion with his head for you to pass in front of him.

The atmosphere was cosy, with an industrial feel to it, but you could breathe in the warmth accompanied with a hint of melted cheese, which caused your stomach to work up an appetite. Some of the surrounding tables, who had already finished their dinner, turned their attention to your companion just as you passed, but you didn't ask any questions about it. Your table was somewhat out of sight of the others, tucked away in a small corner surrounded by curious black and white photographs that seemed to tell the story of the city you were in.

"Here you are," the waiter concluded, offering you the letter, but Chris handed it back to him as he received it.

"You know what I'll have," he said, shedding his navy blue jacket.

"All right, a Neapolitan pizza," commented the waiter, making a note on a small tablet in his hands.

You quickly looked at the menu, a bit stunned by the amount of variety of pizzas and burgers that the place had, so you definitely opted to trust the order that your companion had asked for and agreed to have the same as him.

"You guys will have it in a minute," he remarked with a smile. "Enjoy your evening."

"Thanks mate." Chris said before he left, then took a breath, focused his gaze on you and intertwined his fingers. "Alright, are you going to tell me why you need to get to New York tonight?"

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, the last thing you wanted to do was tell your sad story to a stranger, no matter how much he was doing his part to help you that night. You opted to shrug your shoulders and perhaps offer a brief description of the situation, without going into too much detail.

"There's someone who needs me to come tonight," you explained, playing with your fingernails, without looking at him, "and that person is leaving first thing tomorrow morning."

"I understand," he said, resting his barrette in his palm. "Then you must get to New York before he leaves."

"He?" you repeated somewhat confused. "I never said at any time that it was a man."

"Oh, I'm sorry, or her," he quickly rectified. "What I do know is that you are probably referring to the person responsible for that mark on your left ring finger."

You quickly averted your gaze to your ring finger, a white mark indicating that you had worn a ring on that finger could be glimpsed. Yes, it was true, you had worn it, an engagement ring, from an engagement that was never formalised. You frowned, you were going to tell him that he had no idea, but at that moment the waiter came back to bring you drinks.

"Water and beer," he said, placing it on the table. "Ah, man, I'm sorry to ask you this, but could you sign a comic book for my niece afterwards? She's in love with you, you know."

Those words caught your attention somewhat, sign a comic book? Was he an illustrator, or maybe a writer? Curiosity again invaded your body, apparently you were not the only person who was hiding information in this strange relationship that had just emerged a couple of hours ago.

"That's for sure my friend!" he exclaimed before you were left alone again.

"What about that?" you asked pointing to the waiter who had just left. "Are you in the comic book business?"

"Something like that," he said playing with the beer bottle, but without answering your question. "And what do you do? What are you doing in Boston?"

"Trying to escape," you said, refilling the glass of water. "I asked first."

"Fair enough," he took a small swig of beer. "Let's just say a lot of my time is acting."

"Actor?" You arched an entirely curious eyebrow. "Theatre?"

"Cinema," he stressed somewhat hesitantly, as if he didn't want to say it out loud.

"And comics?" you pointed to the right again, remembering the conversation with the waiter.

"It's because of one of the characters I play," he explained, playing it down a bit. "Marvel?" he asked hoping your brain would find a similarity.  "Captain America?"

"Sorry, I know the character, yes," you said with a chuckle, as you couldn't find connections between the guy in front of you and what he was explaining, "but to be completely honest with you I don't watch too much TV, or go to the movies, or am much of a comic book fan."

"I have to admit that it's a relief in part," he confessed, picking up the beer bottle again. "Now I know this isn't all a sham to take me out to dinner."

"Excuse me?" you exclaimed with a laugh.

"I'm kidding," he laughed along with you, but at that moment the waiter brought your dinner.

You had to assume that the pizza looked exquisite, and after weeks of eating convenience food, it was a delicacy in front of your eyes.

"So you're in Boston for work?" you asked curiously, breaking your pizza into slices.

"Not exactly," he said hesitantly. "I was born in Boston, I usually come here for seasons, well not here exactly, in Sudbury, it's about forty minutes out of town. But on this occasion I came because tonight was a friend's engagement party."

"And what exactly are you doing here with me?" you asked squinting, very confused at the situation.

"It's complicated," he said taking a sip of beer. "Your turn."

"Okay," you nodded to yourself, taking a breath. "I work for a large multinational in New York, a hub for the finance sector, specifically I'm the head of external relations, so I'm constantly on the road. This morning I was in Boston to close a deal with two new shareholders."

"That sounds very..."

"Boring, I know," you finished his words, over time you had assumed that your life was completely linear, without any extra motivation.

"I was going to say important," he rectified, smiling at you. "Do you like your job?"

The question of the century. How many times could you have asked that question without giving yourself an honest answer.

"Sure," you said without thinking. "Well, I guess it won't be as exciting as yours, but... it's practical."

"Wait, did you just say 'practical'?"

That was the first time during the whole day that you were able to disconnect from your surroundings, forgetting the worries, the problems that were running inside you, it was just you having a pleasant conversation with a person who seemed to show interest in your opinions, in what you thought, a person who listened with interest to your every word. You could hardly remember the last time someone had managed to extract a hearty laugh from inside you, it was nice when he did. The minutes ticked by and you didn't notice that the clock read 00:12am, but when you did, the mood cooled again and you became aware of the situation.

You opted to resume your walk through the streets of Boston, your vigour waning as the time passed, you were no longer so confident that you could carry out your plan, and although Chris was offering you numerous possibilities none of them seemed feasible with the little time you had left.

"It's impossible," you said, raising your arms and stopping in the middle of the pavement. "It's over, it's 1am, I wouldn't make it even if I had a car at my disposal. The only thing that would save me from this situation would be a time machine."

Chris looked at you thoughtfully, with a small smile on his face, which made you wonder what was going through his mind at that very moment. You had discovered that inside him there seemed to be nothing but positivity and answers to all your questions, which unsettled you a little but you also knew it was what you needed most at the moment.

"What?" you asked.

"Come on!" he exclaimed grabbing your arm and guiding you to the side of the enclosure. "It's your lucky night, we have a time machine."

"What?" you asked again, running face first into a public phone.

"It is said that the pay phones in Boston allow you to travel through time," he explained, taking the handset and offering it to you. "It's as easy as dialling the date you want to travel to and you can talk to your past self, tell it everything you need it to do, or not do, thus changing your past." You looked at him amusedly confused, with a quizzical expression on your face.

"Go on, try it! It's fun. I do it every time I come to town."

"Well... I don't really need to call very far, it's enough to get in touch with my yesterday self," you explained taking the handset from his hand and slowly bringing it to your ear.

"Well, let's give it a try then," Chris dialed four digits accompanied by some sounds coming from his mouth that made you smile again. "Beep, bop, beep, bop, bop. Ready! What would you like to say to yourself?"

"Here I go..." you said, encouraging yourself. "Y/N? Hi, it's me... that's you, from the future." You couldn't help but smile and shake your head. "She doesn't believe me."

"Y/N?" he asked curiously finding out what your real name was. "What happened with Adriana?"

"Well, I can't go offering all my details to strangers," you defended yourself somewhat embarrassed at the situation.

"Understandable, in my case Chris is my real name," he laughed and shook his head, which turned your lips into a smile. "Well, it's normal that she doesn't believe you," he shrugged, returning to the conversation. "It happens the first few times. You have to tell her something that only the two of you can know."

"Hm... Y/N?" you thought to yourself. "Oh, remember Mum's blue dress that we loved so much? Remember the last time we tried it on at home, when we were walking down the stairs and it ripped, and we had to get rid of it? We never told anyone what happened, mum thought it got lost in the move to the new neighbourhood..."

Chris was watching you leaning on the payphone with a tender smile on his lips, but you were too abstracted from your surroundings to notice. He realised that he could easily manage to alleviate all the problems that enveloped you even if he hardly knew what exactly they were.

"She believes me," you said, looking at Chris and covering the receiver with your hand, as if there was someone waiting on the line.

"Great," he raised his arms. "Now just tell him whatever you need to tell her."

You took a breath, as if this really was a turning point in your life and you could change the course of things. Your companion paid attention to the words that were about to come out of you in the next few moments.

"Y/N?" you asked through the earpiece. "Listen, I know that tomorrow is going to be a very important day for you, you have a trip to Boston that can get you a big development in the company and you also have a date with Michael in the evening. I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, only you can be the only person to make the best decision, but what I am going to ask you is that if you could only choose one of the two things which one would you go with?" you were silent for a moment posing the question to yourself. "See you soon.”

After saying those words carefully you put the phone back in its place. Chris slowly stroked his lips, looking at you thoughtfully, trying to understand a little of the situation you were in at the moment.

"Did she tell you what she was going to decide? Whether to go to Boston or..."

"No," you said, leaning against the pay phone yourself. "She wasn't sure." You looked at him silently. "What about you? Have you decided if you're going to the party?"

"No," he ducked his chin and shook his head.

"You at least have your chance in your hands," you explained, being for the first time during the night the person who was trying to help him. "I think you should go back and be on your way, before I continue to ruin your night.

"The truth is, I missed that opportunity a long time ago."  Just as he had done a couple of minutes ago, you tried to get a glimpse of what those words meant, but neither of us had succeeded yet. "Besides, you're not ruining my night, on the contrary, I've never had a night like this before." He rested his chin on his hand. "So what do you want to do now?"

You let your gaze wander, you knew what you had to do before continuing with the situation, you had never given anything up until the last moment, but this was completely different. After asking your past self that question you had realised one of the most important things you had forgotten over time. It was true that you had been completely in love with Michael, that you thought he was the man of your life and that you wanted to spend the rest of your days by his side. On the other hand, since your childhood you had struggled to get a job like the one you had, to be able to use your full potential in a job that fulfilled you. Those two things were now on your mind, and you had realised that the third of them, perhaps the most important, you were not doing, which was to love yourself, to have time for yourself, to seize the moment, to laugh, to dream, to enjoy life, that was all you were missing.

"I think I know what I want to do right now," you said, nodding to yourself. "Would you have any spare cash? I promise I'll pay you all back."

"Oh, come on!" he said shaking his head and offering you a couple of coins in the palm of his hand.

You took a couple of dollars and inserted them into the pay phone in front of you, Chris provided you with your private space, stepping a couple of metres away from the spot. The phone began to ring, at the same time as your stomach informed you of the nervousness you were feeling, which increased when you heard Michael's voice through the receiver.

"Hi, it's me," you said almost in a whisper. "No, I'm still in Boston. [...] I know, the truth is I've had a setback, I didn't call you earlier because I thought I could work it out. [...] No, I have to wait for the first train to leave. [...] At 6 o'clock in the morning, so... [...] I know. [...] All right. [...] Yeah, I'll call you when I get home. [...] I hope you have a good flight."

Maybe it would be for the best, was fate playing in your favour? All you knew was that you planned to tell him how much you missed him, and that you were willing to fight for him again, but things weren't going the way you thought they would.

"Are you okay?" asked Chris approaching you again.

"Yeah," you nodded, looking into his eyes. "Maybe it's for the best."

The smooth line of your life that night was tapping into a wealth of emotions, evolving from despair, anger, joy and now sadness again, and it was your turn to share them with a perfect stranger.

"Come on," Chris offered you his arm and you wearily took it, walking aimlessly away through the streets of Boston.

To be continued...

Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4

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[stitchislovely]

I saw a post that seemed like a indirect response to my previous post about Jeremy and the Twitter fandom’s toxicity specifically. The claim is that the “people coming to his defense”(being reasonable) are just being delusionally ride or die. And that may be true for some people(not that I’ve actually seen it) but that is not true for the vast majority of people. All we want is for people to treat the cast with basic human decency. There is also the claim that they’re simply holding them accountable. Bullshit, calling for accountability means addressing the issue in order for them to recognize their wrong and rectify their mistakes or prevent it from happening again. It does not mean constantly calling the cast members ugly, dumb, secretly closeted, untalented, evil, amongst many other cruel things I have seen repeatedly stated by multiple accounts/people. Like I said before, you want someone to be a villain so you make them the villain. Jeremy and his ill timed song promotion is not a legitimate reason to bully him. It’s speculation and more so reaching( to fit a previously established false narrative) that he intentionally promoted his song despite knowing about Bernard’s execution. Realistically that was nowhere near what was going on in his head. But again even that’s not something we can confirm unless he releases a statement. But onto this lack of accountability claim, specifically about Hawaii. We’re all going to have different views on the trip and most are valid. But a lot of people had something to say about that trip, there was no silence in fans part. They went to Hawaii during a pandemic, but Hawaii also has strict regulations for visitors and rules were mostly followed. Was it a choice I would personally make? No. Did I feel some type of way about it? Yes. Did I let that be a reason for me to lose all human decency and my moral compass so that I can bully them? No. Twitter is being called out for it’s toxicity because it genuinely is toxic, it wasn’t given its reputation, it earned it. The Japt fandom has filled Jeremy’s mentions specifically with half truths and false claims along with cruel comments. All one has to do is search up his name -10/11 of the tweets will be negative. Again this isn’t accountability. Accountability would be recognizing how far past light teasing or rightful criticism, a lot of the fandom has gone. Also, please for the sake of psychology do not use terms you don’t actually understand. It’s not gaslighting to respond to something with a different viewpoint. People disagreeing with you is not gaslighting. I lost my point again but stop with this weird placing of yourself on a moral high ground. More so, don’t say we don’t know them or their intentions and then act like you do 2 seconds later. I don’t know them personally but I’m fairly good at reading people so I can confidently say the cast doesn’t deserve 98% of the shitty things thrown at them. And I’m mostly mentioning Jeremy because he’s getting the brunt of it, not because he’s the only one being disrespected.

[iturbide]

If you are still up for character asks, how about Sumia. I was sad no one asked about her yet.

And your latest fan art got me interested in also hearing your thoughts on Takumi. If you feel ok answering since I know you haven't played Fates.

I’ve been sad about that too so thank you for rectifying that situation ❤

How do I feel about this character?

My girl.  I love Sumia so much, she is one of my absolute favorite characters in Awakening and one I will never pass up an opportunity to write.  I love her and how passionate she is about books, how deeply invested she gets in the stories and characters and how she uses them both as an escape from her own life (where she can’t help but dwell on her own shortcomings) and as a source of inspiration and courage.  There’s something intensely relatable about wanting an escape like that, feeling outclassed or useless and getting lost in a book as a way to cope -- and yet she’s so capable, even if she doesn’t recognize it herself.  She seems so used to people looking down on her or criticizing what she does or making fun of her slip-ups that she’s started to really believe all of it, when the reality is that her mistakes have never been her defining trait: seeing her learn to embrace her own skills and talents is so heartwarming and I find myself constantly rooting for her to succeed in everything.

Who do I ship this character with romantically?

Sully!!  Sully and Sumia is one of my favorite ships in all of Awakening, honestly: I love these two ladies who are so gung-ho about horses and bond over that mutual interest and I love the idea of them getting together and learning more about each other, bolstering one another’s confidence (Sully reassuring Sumia that she’s more capable than she thinks and offering to train her if it would make her feel more assured, Sumia insisting that Sully doesn’t need to be girly to be a woman and gushing about how she admires the cavalier) and falling for one another in the process.  It’s just really warm and I love it a lot, and given how encouraging they are in their supports, I really think they’d be a fantastic match for each other.

Also, I do love her with Chrom, and I feel like she’d be an encouraging influence for him, doing what she can to give him confidence and help him keep moving forward in spite of the obstacles; she’s such a bright and refreshing character and I think they could end up working really well together, leveraging their individual strengths to make the halidom a better place.  And I really enjoy her with Robin, too, considering how they bond over their mutual love of books, and I think Robin would be one of those people who really can see her for who she is, rather than the klutz she sees herself as.  It’s especially good when it’s both of them together with her though (yes I love my OT3).

Who is my brOTP for this character?

Robin and Sully, when I’m not shipping them!  Their relationships are so strong and they’re founded on such deep rooted friendship that even when I have them in other relationships, those bonds remain.  Also, even though she doesn’t have any supports with him in the game (which is criminal), I love the idea of a Sumia and Kellam friendship.  Kellam is someone who struggles to be noticed, Sumia’s someone who often seems to wish she could disappear.  The idea of them coming together and overcoming their obstacles together is really heartwarming to me.

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character?

She’s so much more capable than fandom wants to give her credit for.  Most people seem to write her off as stupid, passing over her as a brainless klutz in favor of the “genius” Cordelia -- but this is such a disservice to Sumia and her character.  She’s a fantastic fighter if given the chance, outrunning and outmaneuvering enemies, and while the game loves to play her off as comic relief, she’s a character with interesting, thoughtful support conversations whose life clearly doesn’t revolve around getting a man’s attention.  She’s her own person with hopes and dreams, hobbies and interests, unique skills and charming quirks, and bothering to get to know her really allows her to shine.

And personally, I don’t think she’s actually that clumsy.  Sure, she can be a little scatterbrained sometimes, but even the smartest and most capable people can be; when she has too many things to juggle she slips up in comic ways, but when push comes to shove she’s incredibly capable; if she weren’t, she never would have been able to rescue Chrom at the Longfort (sometimes I think people forget that she’s the one who swept in and got him clear of the javelins).

(And for a bonus unpopular opinion: I hate Cordelia and Sumia as a ship.  Cordelia is so mean to Sumia in their supports, banning Sumia from telling her flower fortunes because she personally doesn’t see value in them -- she doesn’t even bother trying to understand what Sumia’s doing or why, she just decides that her own way is the only right way, which is not how friends should act; putting them in a relationship is out of the question for me.)

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon?

Why does she have so few supports?  It’s not fair that she can so easily end up alone because the game limits her options so much; aside from Chrom, she has the fewest marriage options, but unlike him she doesn’t have an auto-marriage after a certain point.  It’s not fair that the game treated her that way, and I wish canon had given her more supports, platonic and romantic both.  Again, seeing her with Kellam would have been incredible, and I really wish they’d bothered to give her a support chain with Maribelle, too, considering how Maribelle treats her early on; it would have been amazing to see them work things out.

and you know I was wondering if people forgot my favorite Fates character

How do I feel about this character?

I have never played Fates.  I know about these games purely through fandom osmosis.  And yet I will say, in no uncertain terms, that Takumi is my absolute favorite Fates character. Fallen Takumi is still one of my very few units at +10 merges in Heroes because I love him that much.  And it’s kind of hilarious how it came to this because it’s kind of Heroes’ fault that I’m in this situation. 

I remember when the game first launched how much of a pain he was in the early Arena before Skill Inheritance was a thing, and how the only reliable counter I had for him was Hector because I’d never gotten Takumi myself.  And then one day he randomly showed up in a summon, and I was so excited I ran off to train him immediately...and realized as I did that this guy has some massive self-esteem problems.  It’s what got me interested in him in the first place, enough to do some digging in the wikis, and I kind of fell in love with his character: he’s smart, he’s capable, but he has a massive inferiority complex since he’s grown up in the shadow of his older brother -- something Corrin’s return manages to make worse, since everyone kind of loses their minds over it and pushes him down and away despite the fact that he’s the only one being sensible and questioning whether they can really trust Corrin after they were brought up in Nohr.  While he has an attitude problem that needs to be addressed (though it’s nowhere near as bad as Felix’s), he can get better and gain confidence in himself and his abilities...but in Conquest, his fate is an absolutely tragic one, where his self-doubt and anger allow Anankos a foothold, something to prey upon, and ultimately lead to his loss of control, loss of self, and loss of life.  His story just really hits me in the heart, kind of like Lyon, and I just want to see him grow and overcome his doubts. 

Who do I ship this character with romantically?

Okay so this is probably where my not having played the game is going to bite me but I have no idea. There are so many characters in Fates and I don’t even know half of them.  I know Leo is a popular partner for him but I’ve never really seen the chemistry there so I can’t say that’s for me; I could always cheat and say I ship him with happiness because honestly that is true, I really do want him to be happy first and foremost, but I don’t have an actual character answer whoops.

Who is my brOTP for this character?

Azura.  I love the idea of the two of them coming together as friends, both haunted and hounded by nightmares and terrible thoughts they can’t seem to shake, and finding ways to support one another through it.  I get the feeling that Takumi might have treated Azura with some distrust early on, but despite the fact that she came from Nohr, I honestly think they could have ended up having a close bond in Hoshido growing up as they struggle with their own problems, and it would have been amazing to see them come together to overcome them.  Also, I love the idea of him and Sakura being close as siblings, with Takumi protecting Sakura and helping draw attention off her when she’s feeling especially shy while she tries to encourage him and give him a place where he can relax with and get away from all his issues for a little while, someone he can enjoy himself with and not have to think about his problems.

What’s my Unpopular Opinion™ about this character?

I actually don’t know what kind of popular opinions there are about Takumi so I have no idea what kind of unpopular opinion I could have.  Honestly I don’t see anywhere near enough to Takumi in general since he seems to be eclipsed by not only his older brother but the Nohrian royals in fandom-wide popularity; is it an unpopular opinion to want more people to give him a chance, rather than writing him off as just an angry nay-sayer?  Because honestly, he is the only one with any sense, since he’s the only one who thinks to distrust Corrin when they return.

What’s one thing I wish would have happened with this character in canon?

Okay so this is really really niche but I really wish they’d made Takumi Corrin’s half-brother rather than just a step-brother.  It honestly would have made so much sense?  Takumi’s the only other character who has the same kind of pale hair that Corrin canonically does, even if it’s not the exact same shade, so if that came from Mikoto it would fit perfectly with not only Corrin’s and Takumi’s hair color, but Sakura’s hair being that super pale pink compared to Hinoka’s vibrant red, which is what you’d probably expect from Ikona and Sumeragi after Ryoma inherited his father’s very dark hair.  I get the feeling they didn’t do it because they wanted to make all the royals available as romance options, which is both cheap and gross (and after what they did with Azura in Revelations it’s worse), but I think it would have been a really interesting plot element if they’d taken the time.

Give Me a Character  

[miraculousbelladonna]

The Edict

This is a little something salty I wrote that was inspired by @musicfeedsmysoul12’s Judgement au. This is my first time putting any of my ML writings out into the world! I will also maybe be posting this on ao3 depending on how it’s received here! So ... if you don’t like salt, don’t interact. 

Summary: The Miraculous Ladybug cure can heal people from any wound inflicted by an akuma, even revive the dead, but if even one of the holders are not the true holders (Marinette is, Adrien isn’t) the weight of the damage done will be inflicted upon the holder of the ladybug miraculous.

Marinette thinks nothing of it, discounts the bruises, soreness, and headaches after every fight as the obligatory battle wounds. She’s clumsy, and not as in shape as a superhero should be, maybe she should drink more water. Make an effort to get some more sleep. She doesn’t think about it.

Until Syren. People drowned. People died. People who were all brought back.

At a cost.

That she paid. That she’s paying.

It starts with coughing. Something is stuck in her chest and it feels like if she coughs hard enough, she can get it out. She doesn’t.

It gets kind of hard to breathe.

It gets worse and becomes pneumonia.

It gets worse.

Her lungs are constantly filling with fluid faster than they can drain it.

She’s drowning. She’s always drowning.

They don’t know why.

They call it “dry drowning,” the body is stuck as the mind moves on, but as far as they know, Marinette wasn’t one of the ones killed in the attack. She is the only one still exhibiting symptoms of drowning, as far as they know, Ladybug had fixed everything, just like she always does. As far as they know.

The science doesn’t add up, it doesn’t make sense. They call in specialists, try to track Ladybug down to ask her what happened, to ask for clarification, for help, but she’s disappeared.

Ladybug is gone.

Marinette is laying in the hospital sick and dying for no discernible reason, no cause that anyone can find, and Tikki is furious.

She knows the cause. She knows the syren body count. She knows exactly how many people were brought back, and she knows why Marinette’s lungs are constantly filling. It won’t stop until she has drowned 1833 times. One for every person she brought back.

She will not survive it.

All because Chat Noir is not the true holder of the miraculous of destruction.

This has only ever happened to her once. She’s lost many chosen, of course, she is as old as life itself, but she has only ever lost one like this, because she went to great pains to ensure it would never happen again.

A grave mistake has been made. At the cost of her chosen. At the cost of the only true creation soul on the earth in this era. Tikki took her time crafting it. She poured in passion, ebullience, excitement, zest for life in its many forms, creativity, determination, loyalty, strength, a dash of luck, sat back to let it coalesce, and let it go. Just being near the girl makes them both more powerful, and Ladybug seems so invincible because she might as well be. She cannot he bested by a mere man or flimsy akuma.

Marinette may not be aware of how powerful she is, but she has time. She has more than enough time to grow and discover herself.

Or rather, she should.

No. She will. Tikki will correct this grievous error.

Marinette will not die. Not like this.

*****

Tikki flew out of the hospital with a purpose. She was glowing faintly because of her anger, it was so overwhelming it was almost too much to contain. She hasn’t been this angry in a millennia, so she didn’t realize that her power was leaking out of her, she didn’t see the flowers blooming and trees flowering as she flew by. She didn’t see the three pregnant ladies sitting in a cafe across the street, nor did she see that each of their waters broke simultaneously.

She needed to see Master Fu. She needed to correct this mistake by whatever means necessary.

She pauses outside of the door to collect herself. She takes a moment to leash her power, and when she sees that the glow around her has dimmed, she goes inside.

Wayzz is floating at attention in the middle of the room, waiting for her. He looks extremely nervous, and it’s bordering on fear. Good. She may be the embodiment of creation, but that in itself doesn’t make her good. She is benevolent, yes, and it’s much easier to be nice than needlessly cruel, but people so often forget how monsters came to be. They forget that she is creation. They forget that she created all of the bad things on Earth just like she created the good. Plagg may be the only living being in existence who truly understands what she’s capable of, although by the looks of him, it seems that Wayzz is remembering.

Remembering who she is. What she is. What she is capable of.

“Tikki,” he starts nervously, bowing his head in respect. “I felt your power unleash all the way across the city. I felt ... your anger. What - what happened?”

“Wayzz,” she inclines her head in acknowledgement of his deference and he relaxes. She knows this isn’t his fault. Her anger is not for him. “I am here to speak with the Guardian.”

Wayzz’s eyes widen, and she knows that he took note of how she addressed Fu, and what it means. He knows that she is here in a professional capacity. She is not here for platitudes and niceties. It takes everything in him not to tremble as he bows his head again, says, “Of course. I will go retrieve him immediately,” and rushes out of the room.

She sighs after Wayzz leaves. She didn’t mean to scare him, and she didn’t mean to get so angry, but mistakes were made and Marinette is suffering. Marinette is fighting for her life and for the lives of everyone who died during Syren, because if she dies so does everyone she brought back, and the least Tikki can do is rectify this error. Make sure it never happens again.

She feels herself beginning to glow again as she remembers the last time this happened. Her anger rises as she remembers that she thought she had already ensured this would never happen again. She doesn’t try to reign in her emotions or her power this time. Fu needs to remember exactly who and what he’s dealing with. It’s time for her to remind him.

Fu looks surprised as he walks into the room. Every potted plant in the room has grown at least five inches taller than they were when he saw them last. He sees Tikki in the middle of the room, glowing with anger that he doesn’t seem to recognize.

If he were smarter, he’d be afraid.

“Tikki, what brings you here at this time of night? Morning? Wayzz, what time is it?”

Wayzz, floating behind him, is quiet and unobtrusive when he replies, “It is currently 6:15 in the morning, Master.”

“6 in the morning? Tikki, surely whatever it was could’ve waited until a more appropriate time.”

Her anger spikes and all the plants in the room grow another three inches. She is shaking with anger. It takes everything in her, will she hasn’t exerted in millennia, to hold her power back. To hold it in.

“My chosen is dying in the hospital right now, there is no more appropriate time. Do you even know why?”

Fu’s face crumples in shock and worry, and he opens his mouth to speak but she cuts him off with a sharp wave of her arm.

“No. Do not speak. For once, you are going to listen. Marinette, as I'm sure you know, is a true creation soul. She is the true creation soul. The only one. And she is currently dying in the hospital because you have made a mistake. A grievous error. I want you to tell me what you think that error might be. I want you to think about why Marinette, a young healthy 15 year old girl, is currently in the hospital dying.” She narrows her eyes at him as he opens his mouth only to shut it again. She gestures for him to speak, and says, “Go ahead.”

“I don’t- I don’t know why she would be in the hospital. Was there an accident?”

Tikki shuts her eyes and breathes in deeply, letting it out in a big sigh. When she opens her eyes again they are tinged with red, glowing just like the rest of her is.

“No. Wrong answer.”

Wayzz moves out from behind Fu and goes to hide behind one of the plants that are steadily growing taller by the minute.

“You see, I could have forgiven this if it were only as a result of your lack of training. I could have given you some leeway. Maybe you misread Adrien’s soul, it happens. True destruction souls are marginally more common than true creation ones. Maybe you didn’t know what would happen when you gave him that ring, that’s understandable. That’s something we might have been able to move past. But, what I cannot, will not forgive, is the fact that you let his behavior go unchecked. You enabled and coddled him and encouraged, no, manipulated Marinette to do the same. It’s been going well enough so far, or I’m sure that’s what you’ve been telling yourself, but today, people died. People died and because Adrien is not a true soul of destruction, because the balance is uneven, Marinette is bearing the weight of the lives of every person she brought back with the cure. She is dying all of their deaths, and it will not stop until she has experienced all 1833 of them.”

Wayzz gasps audibly at the revelation, flying out from behind the plant and going to hover next to Tikki. “Master, please. You didn’t. You couldn’t have. Tell me you didn’t.”

Fu looks away guiltily, unable to answer, and Tikki’s composure snaps.

She’s seething. Her entire body is practically vibrating, and the glow around her gets brighter and brighter until it’s blinding them all. The plants continue to grow even faster, their leaves are all filling the room, clogging it, and it doesn’t stop. She can’t reign her anger back in. She doesn’t want to.

“You have thoughtlessly endangered the lives of not only my chosen, but everyone in Paris time and time again. Did you think you’d get away with it? That Marinette was too young, too naive to speak up? Too nice to complain about what Chat has been doing to her? Did you think that nothing like this would ever happen? That I’d never find out? If so, you are as ignorant as you are stupid, Wang Fu, but regardless, your time is up. You will pay for what you have done to Marinette, and for what you’ve allowed to happen to Paris.”

Fu looks chastened and guilty, but it’s not enough. It will never be enough. Marinette has already died 5 times between when she was admitted last night and now. She’s been brought back every time due to the tireless efforts of the hospital staff, but sometime soon it will not be enough.

“I, Tikki, Kwami of Creation, hereby revoke guardianship of Wang Fu. Every miraculous that you have distributed except for mine will be returned to the miracle box, including yours. You will never again hold or wield a miraculous. You will never be able to speak of this to anyone. You will spend the next month aging to however old you’d be without Wayzz’s interference. You will die alone with nothing to accompany you except for the weight of your own mistakes. Wayzz, will you be my witness?”

Wayzz swallows hard, eyes watering as he looks at Fu, who looks about a step away from getting on his knees and begging. He thinks of Marinette, of what it means to be a true creation soul, and how her soul is on the verge of being snuffed out because of a mistake his Master made, a mistake that has only ever been made once before, and nods. “I, Wayzz, Kwami of Protection, am witness to the revocation of Wang Fu’s guardianship. I concur with everything that Tikki, Kwami of Creation, has decided. The judgement will be enacted whenever she so chooses.”

Tikki speaks in a language as old as time, a tongue that is only known to the Kwami and the Guardian, “The judgement is passed.”

Fu hears the first sentence and drops to the ground in shock. Tikki isn’t done, but whatever she’s saying now, he can’t understand it. He looks up at her and opens his mouth, and finds that he can’t speak to her either. He can’t speak to either of the Kwami. His vision swims the longer he looks at them, and his head starts to throb. He has to turn away. The miraculous is a physical weight on his arm, dragging him down until his arm hits the floor and the bracelet snaps open.

A sort of shock goes through the room, emanating from the both of them out through the building, through the city, and the miracle box opens. Every drawer and shelf in the box opens in unison, and as the turtle miraculous flies into its spot, all of the Kwami fly out of their Miraculi to see what’s happening. They haven’t had a summoning like this in millennia. Something is very, very wrong.

The miraculous of destruction flies into the miracle box, and as soon as it lands Plagg immediately floats out of it. He’s frantic, growing even more so as he sees Tikki glowing with power. “Tikki, I didn’t know. I swear to you that I didn’t know. His soul was already corrupted when he got my miraculous, I didn’t know he wasn’t mine, you know true destruction souls aren’t as rare as creation ones, I couldn’t tell. I know that’s not good enough but sugar cube, I am sorry. I am so truly sorry.”

Tikki looks at him and nods, but doesn’t interrupt her speech. It takes him a moment to realize she’s speaking in the old tongue, and as he listens to what she’s saying, as he turns and sees the wreckage of the overgrown plants, as he sees all the Kwami floating around them, staring at the man who is on the floor crying with his eyes covered and face turned away from them, he realizes what’s happening, and feels his heart turn to stone in his chest.

“Guardianship of the Miraculi will be transferred to Marinette Dupain-Cheng, my current chosen and the acting Ladybug, hero of Paris. Myself and my Kwami brethren will teach her our ways, and teach her how to be a proper Guardian. We will protect her as she has chosen to protect us and all the people of Paris. She will never again be overlooked. She will never again be belittled or made to feel insignificant. She will go down in history as the most powerful Ladybug and the best Guardian the world has ever seen. Who will be witness to this edict?”

Wayzz finds it much easier to speak up this time, and is the first to agree. “I, Wayzz, Kwami of Protection, am witness to this edict.”

Plagg is glaring daggers at the pathetic scrap of a man still crying on the floor. “I, Plagg, Kwami of Destruction, am witness to this edict.”

Another shock goes through the room, the building, the city, at his declaration. The Kwami all glow for a moment with the release of power, and then grow wary at what has had to happen for such power to be released. What happened that meant this power needed to be released?

Either way, they trust Tikki, and they know her. She is Creation, she is life. She is their mother in the sense that she blinked them into existence. She has never steered them wrong. The fact that she is asking for witnesses, even now, instead of just exerting her will as the Goddess of Creation, as is her right, speaks volumes. They have never had a reason to doubt her, for she has never even thought of giving them one.

Tikki is staring at all of them in turn, still glowing with power. The Kwami all inhale collectively, exhale in unison, close their eyes, inhale again to connect to each other, and when their eyes are open they are each glowing in accordance to their power.

“We, the Kwami of the Miracle Box of Paris, are witness to this edict. We accept Marinette Dupain-Cheng as the new Guardian. We will protect her as she has chosen to protect us and the city of Paris. She will never again be overlooked. She will never again be belittled or made to feel insignificant. We concur.”

Tikki takes a deep breath, and as she finishes the summoning, she releases her power in a third and final shockwave that has the lights in the entire city flickering.

“It is done.”

***

Miles away, attached to machines and tubes in a hospital bed, Marinette opens her eyes.

[hubblebubblehub]

yona 197 thoughts

Firstly, behold. I am alive. This chapter honestly made my brain malfunction for a good minute or so, I legit had something akin to a stroke. I honestly believe this chapter encapsulates what has gone wrong with Yona’s storytelling. I understand this is a ‘memoir’, but even backstories whose existence is to deliver exposition require decent consistent characterisation, and a balanced mixture of ‘show don’t tell’ mixed with foreshadowing to result in something... bearable. This chapter was legitimately almost unbearable to read because I think Kusa herself has lost the plot.

To organise my thoughts Imma just put some lil subheadings.

Yon-hi

You know what? Ever since chapter 190 I realised that Yon-hi didn’t have much of a character other than that of an exposition clown. So this lame wrap up on her character was bearable to read, because it’s not as if she had the potential to be anything more than a ye old exposition dump. It’s still frustrating to read her ‘acknowledge’ her own faults, which also make no sense since we haven’t seen a proper build up in a change of thoughts. Yes, she acknowledged her husband was a brute to a certain extent, but apart from this chapter I don’t see her recognising the IMPORTANCE of her position and how her passiveness is stopping her from wielding more influence to prevent tragedy that so clearly hurts her. Sure, she notices that as a country bumpkin amongst nobles she stands out, but even 10 years after the genocide of the priests she never once confronted her husband about it. Or anyone really. Why the change of heart now? The excuse that her husband and Kashi (whom she wasn’t really friends with in the first place?? Honestly I think she was just attached to her out of guilt for what happened) are dead doesn’t explain why she would suddenly have the urge to take some sort of action since the past decade proves she thrives in complacency.

Additionally her relo with her son... I don’t even understand it anymore. She claims she loves Soo-Won but then she writes a letter to her brother-in-law basically asking him to ‘watch out for him’ like MA’AM HE IS YOUR SON. What happened to the role she devoted herself to, as a MOTHER?? I honestly give up trying to understand it.

Il

Oh boi. I thought Yon-hi and Yu-hon had an awful characterisation but Il really takes the cake. I thought I could accept Il’s cowardice since it his duality has been hinted at throughout the whole manga, but honestly it makes close to no sense here. I’m surprised no-one decided to assassinate him the first few years into his reign. I would’ve done it tbh.

This chapter just brings more questions into his passive nature. Why the HELL did he just sit and wait around for something to happen after hearing about the future? Yes, as a religious devotee, he probably accepted the future as fact, but why didn’t he do ANYTHING about it? It seems like he banned weapons out of guilt of his murder, not to actually stop Soo-Won (since he ‘accepted’ that destiny of dying by his nephew’s hands). 

If he knew that Yona would not only face hardship from her position as a reincarnation, but her own freaking family, why didn’t he take counter measures? I don’t understand why he wouldn’t try to empower her so that when he would eventually leave her, she would be able to take care of herself. His attitude to Soo-Won also makes no sense too. If he already accepted he would die by his hand, why didn’t he ban/prevent him from visiting the castle? And if he already accepted his fate, why didn’t he just let the marriage go through anyway? He could clearly see that Soo-Won didn’t detest Yona and would care for her, Yona would be happy with him (provided the murder wouldn’t happen lmfao).

Oh and also, if he knew all these shitty events were going to happen? What was his excuse for not taking care of the country, leaving more than hundreds to starve, live in poverty and die? ‘I’m a placeholder and my brother must not become King. Also I leave everything to the gods’ divine will because I’m a really great religious follower uwu’. Not ‘I’ll properly communicate with my brother, nephew and court to make this country a better place while I’m here to prevent the mistakes of the past.’ He acknowledges he’s not a great King. Why doesn’t he acknowledge and humble himself asking for advice from his advisors. Like whAT

Il & Kashi

Poor Kashi lmfao. Kusa in this chapter really trying to convince us they had a loving relationship and Il was simply just trying to avenge his wife. Sure, let’s say Il did love Kashi. He did a really awful way of expressing it, to the point Kashi genuinely believed he only married her to make the designer baby that is Yona. And I don’t see proof of otherwise tbh. I guess you could argue that Il  & Kashi had some chemistry during the garden scene with Ik-Soo... but also Kashi was a ‘kid’ apparently so call the FBI lmfao. There are honestly no scenes or buildup that convince me that Il loved Kashi without the involvement of the divine. Kashi, maybe. I think she admired him but I see none of that from Il. Even when he flat out murders his brother, his defense isn’t ‘YO THAT WAS MY WIFE YOU JUST MURDEREDDD’ It was ‘THAT WAS THE MOTHER OF THE RED DRAGON’. I think these are self explanatory.

Also to that anti-Soo-Won translator who was saying how this line by Il basically disproves everyone who thought he didn’t love Kashi- it really doesn’t. If anything it just shows how terrible the writing has been for this arc because it’s nowhere near believable enough to accept as truth. Show me scenes where Il is actually.... showing affection and being in a loving and equal relationship with his wife smh

Romance

Il’s reliance on ‘love’ also makes no sense as well, and also highlights how problematic romance is in this series. Considering how ‘girl power’ this series is with Kouren, Lili & her bodyguards, Yona and even Kashi to a certain extent, it makes no sense that Il would choose to leave everything to a man who simply ‘loves Yona and will never betray her’. Like,,, did the events that transpired TEACH HIM NOTHING?? 

Sure only men can become Kings but it seems Queens have a significant position as well. And since Yona is the red dragon... wouldn’t like,, everyone know and respect and hold her on a higher level regardless lmfao like WHAT IS IL THINKING?? He knows that Yona ended up as a superficial spoilt princess as she grew older, but what did he do to rectify that?? n o t h i n g, except attempt to throw another man (Hak) to help solve the (future) problem.

A great grey point this manga has made since the beginning of the series is ‘Prioritising one individual will cause an entire Kingdom to fall to ruin’. So this is why I don’t understand Il’s actions. Yu-hon committed genocide for his wife, whom he loved (also a really poorly built up romance but this chapter ain’t about them), and APPARENTLY murdered Kashi too (dang it... such a weak and predictable outcome, I’m disappointed in you Kusa). Il killing Yu-hon caused Soo-Won & all the Yuhon stans to seek vengeance (although he also did kinda murder him for the sake of Kouka, but nonetheless her adored his father). SO WHY ON EARTH DOES IL THINK LOVE FROM ANOTHER PERSON IS GONNA SAVE HIS DAUGHTER. MAYBE FOR SOMEBODY ELSE BUT CERTAINLY NOT THE ROYAL DAMN FAMILY.

Also just because Hak clearly was devoted to and had affection for Yona, did not mean that Yona would feel the same way, which is arguably is ANOTHER IMPORTANT FACTOR IN A RELATIONSHIP. It seems like Il doesn’t give a damn about his freaking daughter honestly. But maybe who knows, Il has 500 IQ and decided to be passive so Yona would develop feelings for Hak. It was all part of his master plan, while he left most of his kingdom to suffer, no biggie.

Writing

This was such a painful arc to read. I swear Kusa tried to engage her fanbase by constantly making plot twists every chapter. Yu-hon is a good guy. SIKE he’s not. SIKE Il is kind of worse. SIKE Yu-hon bad and should never be one the throne. Il is an okay guy. SIKE he’s borderline religiously fanatic. SIKE Yuhon the crazy one. SIKE Il weird af because he marries Kashi to have baby dragon Yona. SIKE he actually loved Kashi he just DiDn’t MAkE HiS FeElings KnoWn.

Honestly that doesn’t even cover how inconsistent other characters like Yon-hi are either. Bleugh

Predictions for 198?

Maybe Yona will take it upon herself to rectify the wrongs done and pull herself together. Perhaps also do something more substantial than have a deus ex machina bunch of books deliver to information right into her hands. Also maybe show what Soo-Won thinks of this memoir? Surely he’s read it... if he hasn’t then like bye. This series is honestly breaking my heart with every monthly update I swear.

///might rant more later

[bleedingthirium]

Gavin x Reader (Dreams Come True)

Title: Dreams Come True Words: 10,300 (sorrynotsorry) Genre: Emotional Hurt-Comfort, Fluff, Romance Characters: Gavin Reed x Fem!Reader + Nines (platonically) Warnings: Um, it’s super long, rushed in some places, completely unedited because, let’s be real, who has time to edit? and just chaotically structured writing. Authors Note: Really self-concious of this fic. It didn’t turn out anywhere near as good as I hoped it would. So catch my sobbing at Gavin’s desk. This is for @bring-me-a-coffee-dipshit because she’s been feeling down and no one hurts my baby! Me & my DCPD boys will protecc this gem. Also, I don’t know how to write long fics. Hence the chaotic messy structure of writing. I’m not a professional. I also don’t know how to write short fics either because this was supposed to be written done ‘n’ dusted within a day. And it took over a week! Probs should’ve put in parts. But I’m also lazy so... ENJOY!

Summary: Gavin gets a phonecall stating reader has been admitted to hospital due to fainting from stress. There’s only one thing that can stress reader out to such a point and Gavin is PISSED.

◇─◇─���◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇ Nothing ever seemed to feel good enough for anyone. You tried your best, but your best wasn’t good enough. You were in desperate need of a break because you could feel yourself breaking down. It was hard to find the strength to smile, and where you normally would smile, tears threatened to present themselves in the corners of your eyes. Luckily a deep, slow breath and an eye-roll to the heavens as if praying the pain away, seemed to keep those negative emotions at bay. The factor of your stress was the preparation of exams, and understandably so. Exams were always a stressful time for everybody, but it seemed to be the worst time for everything to come crumbling down around you.

You had a phone call from your Mother, who seemed to always find something to nitpick about you. Normally you could just shrug your shoulders at the end of the phone call and go about your day. Either you were high on stress already, or what your Mother said seemed to have hit too close to your heart, validating those fears you had; that you were destined to be a failure, your grandparents would be disappointed in you, your mother is currently disappointed in you (yes, she said that!), all because you decided to pursue business studies and get a degree in Business so that, one day, you could open a new bookstore and run it the way you want to; for it to be a unique and welcomed independent store rather than a big chain retail store. Your Mother would have much preferred you to pursue a more beneficial career, something like Politics, Medicine or Law. Something that was, unfortunately, too out of your league of knowledge. It wasn’t for lack of trying. You would have loved to have become a woman of medicine, a scientist even! You find all that fascinating and constantly reading journals, watching documentaries… but you are just unable to retain the information. It’s not because you’re dumb. It’s just how life is. But your Mother had no problem calling you out on it and quite plainly stating that you’re dumb. “I never expected to raise a child whose IQ is lower than the average person. What was the point in supporting your studies if you weren’t going to build a decent career for yourself? At least your boyfriend has a decent career. You should be disappointed and ashamed of yourself. Because I am.” That was the phone call of the morning that had started your bad day. You already had a bad week regardless. Stressing over studies and exams, and then dealing with rude customers at your local part-time job. You loved your job, you enjoyed helping customers but the rude ones… It really began to take its toll on you. And you didn’t want to whine to your boyfriend at the end of the day because he has much longer shifts than you, and his occupation is physically and mentally demanding. The last thing you wanted to do was bitch to him about your menial day when he could’ve been dealing with bigger shit. “Can’t believe someone as dumb as you is working in a place like this. The easiest job in the world and you managed to fuck up my order. I want to speak to your manager.” It was one tiny mistake that could have easily been rectified had this customer given you the chance to apologise and correct your mistake. No harm done. Instead, you were left speechless at the sudden onslaught of insults that your own mother basically spat at you hours earlier. You call your manager as per requested and allowed him to deescalate the situation while you excused yourself to assist other customers. At the end of the day you were called in to his office and even with the door shut, every word could loudly be heard in the staff lunch room as you were being berated over the incident earlier. The entire day had been an extremely bad one in general and you were more than glad to go home. Unfortunately everything began to drown you all at once. You didn’t even make it to your bus stop when your hands began to tremble violently, your legs felt like jelly, your heart was pounding so painfully in your chest that it was like knives were beginning to stab at you from the inside, noises were muted out yet you swore you could hear yourself struggling to breathe as well as hearing the blood rushing in your veins right in your ear. You didn’t even hear anyone call out when you collapsed.

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇

It was a slow day at the Precinct which was both a blessing and a curse; it meant no major crimes had taken place, but it also meant that Gavin was stuck with paperwork – something that he despised doing and would often neglect to do, and then in situations like today, he now has a mountain of neglected paperwork to get through. It was beginning to drive him mental, and oddly enough, Gavin was beginning to get on Nines’ nerves. Understand that Nines can deal with every annoying, conceivable flaw that Gavin has, but today Gavin had managed to push Nines over the edge. “Let’s go get some lunch. Out of the office.” Nines suggested, placing his pen down and leaning back against his chair, blue eyes looking over at Gavin. “Best idea you’ve had all day.” Gavin agreed a bit too quickly, though it didn’t come as a surprise to Nines. Typical that Gavin would agree to anything that would get him out of doing paperwork. Nevertheless, Nines hadn’t seen Gavin consume anything nutritious since arriving at the Precinct. This would be a great subtle way to get him to consume some sustenance. Gavin drove downtown, a little bit away from the Precinct just so he didn’t feel so closed-in with work; he wanted to enjoy his food not think about work. But as luck would have it, his phone rang. “You gotta be fucking kidding me! Can’t even take a lunch break!” came the grumbled as one hand left the steering wheel to answer the phone, only for his hand to be swatted away. “I’ll answer it, you need to abide by the road laws.” “Bite me. If it’s Fowler, remind him that he does have other fucking officers there.” It wasn’t Fowler. It was an unknown number, but local, according to the area code. “Detective Reed’s phone.” “Is this Gavin Reed?” “Detective Reed is currently driving. May I ask what the nature of the call is?” “I’m Doctor William Kent from the Detroit General Hospital, I’m calling to let Mr. Reed know that his partner is currently admitted under our care.” “Any injuries?” “No, she came through the emergency from fainting.” “Fainting? What was the cause?” “A panic attack most likely.” “We’re on our way.” “What?” Gavin asked as Nines ended the call but continued to hold the communications device in his hands to prevent Gavin from breaking the law of being on the phone while driving. He ought to upgrade his car a little, get a Bluetooth speaker that can accept incoming and outgoing calls. Or invest in a phone cradle at the very least. What was the point in becoming a Detective if you weren’t going to uphold the law? “Y/N has been admitted to the Detroit General Hospital under –“ “Why? What’s wrong? Is she hurt? Did they say anything?” Gavin interrupted in a mild state of his own panic, Nines noticing his stress levels rising a little bit. “Under the emergency of fainting from a panic attack.” Nines calmly finished despite being interrupted. Gripping the steering wheel of the car tightly to the point where his knuckles turned white, Gavin forced himself to keep to the speed limit as he took a left turn instead of going straight ahead to their original location. You weren’t injured, that was his main priority. You weren’t injured. But you fainted. You weren’t pregnant, it wasn’t a hot day, and as far as he knew you didn’t have a fever… It was just… Stress. He knew you were stressing over your studies but he didn’t think it was this bad. Was he really that shit of a boyfriend that he overlooked the clues of your stress levels? What kind of Detective doesn’t pick up on displays of body behavior? Gavin had been oddly quiet since the phone call and arriving at the hospital. Mentally beating himself up for not being as attentive to her as a boyfriend should. He was so caught up in a case that he took to working around the clock in order to bring it close. - “Babe? I gotta stay back. We’ve got a lead and we’re so close.” The dreaded phone call came through one night, but you weren’t surprised or frustrated. He had began coming home late at night so you knew he was working on a case that required a lot of his attention as well as priority of needing to bring it to a close before anything more bad comes of it. “It’s fine, Gavin. Honestly. Just make sure you eat something. Coffee isn’t food.” “You sound like Nines.” “Well maybe you should listen. You’re a good Detective but you’re a shit listener.” You both chuckled at the light teasing before he needed to get back to work. “I love you Gavin.” “Yeah. Yeah… I love you too. G’night Babe.” “’Night.” You both hung up and Gavin remembered how lucky he felt to have someone who understood him and his position. Granted, he didn’t have to stay back and pull an all-nighter, but when he had a lead and he was on a roll, it was best to let him go. His previous partner didn’t understand and he would often come home to a pissed-off partner, yelling arguments ensued… But with you, he came home to a home-cooked meal wrapped up in the fridge so all he had to do was microwave it, sometimes there was a little note on the fridge of microwave door that simply read ‘I love you.’ One time you even put a note on the coffee machine with two large letters, ‘NO’ and a frowny face. Guess you caught on to the fact that he’d come home and have a coffee before bed. A bad habit you were trying to get him out of. “If you want something that tastes sweet but bitter, come have me.” You teased when you first told him off for having coffee so late at night. Precinct nights are fine, you understood the need for caffeine then, but when he’s home – that’s a solid ‘no’. He had tilted his head back and let out a deep, gorgeous laugh. His eyes crinkling from the wide grin he wore on his permanently exhausted features, “Babe, there is nothing bitter about you. I don’t think you even know how to be ‘bitter’.” You definitely won that argument as his hands rested on your hips and pulled them to his. His smiling lips brushed against yours before taking you into a deep kiss, only to pull back ever so slightly, “Mm, definitely no bitterness.” “No bitterness?” “Only sweetness.” Your own lips turned up into a playful smirk, eyebrows quirking up ever so slightly, your arms wrapping around his neck as you pulled him down into another heated kiss, murmuring “I know something else that’s sweet.” “Oh yeah?” “Yeah.” You breathed against his lips as you began to tug him out of the kitchen. - “Gavin!” A stern voice interrupted the males thoughts as he was still tightly gripping the steering wheel, car idling despite already pulled into a parking bay. Head quickly turned to glance at Nines, blinking as Gavin came back to his surroundings with a sinking heart. “I let her down, Nines.” He sighed out the burdened confession as his hands dropped from the wheel, one hand pulling the gear stick into ‘park.’, the other flicking the engine off before both hands dropped into his lap. Nines LED flickered to yellow as he watched the storm of emotions engulf Gavin, who was staring guiltily ahead at the looming building of the hospital. “You did no such thing, Gavin. I can’t always tell when you’re stressed out until you snap. It doesn’t make me any less of a competent colleague to you, does it?” “Friend.” Gavin corrected but sighed softly as he agreed, “No, it doesn’t. But…fuck!” Nines quietly waited until Gavin’s strew of emotions calmed down. Sometimes the more Nines tried to reason with the Detective, the more angered Gavin became. He found it beneficial to wait until Gavin was calm enough to see reason. “Alright. Let’s go. You comin’ with me or what?” “Only to protect the medical faculty should you lose your temper at them.” Nines made up the half excuse. Partially knowing that if something involving Gavin’s lover ‘girlfriend’, there’s a high percentage that Gavin would lose his patience with the medical team over things he didn’t understand. Such a situation being if they needed to keep her in for a few nights, Gavin might argue about taking her home, not understanding their reason. At least with Nines there, he can easily diffuse any situation before Gavin escalates to an annoyingly level of inconvenience. As they entered the hospital, Gavin made a beeline for the reception desk. “Can you tell me where Y/N Y/L/N is?” Nines caught up to Gavin just as directions were given. She wasn’t too far. Second floor. At least she wasn’t in the opposite wing of the hospital. Taking the elevator to the floor, Nines quietly accompanied Gavin as the two began the pathway to where your room was located. The only times Nines spoke was when he called Gavin’s attention and gestured to the correct room number. As the two walked past the window where the blinds were open, they could see you sitting on the bed, cross-legged but curled in on yourself, staring at the white blanket. Your face void of emotion but also looking like you’re about to burst into tears at any given moment. Nines would be lying if he said that what he saw didn’t affect him somehow. Something tugged painfully at his synthetic heart. Which was odd because he knew his systems were running at 100% perfect stability. The flicker of his LED from the calm blue to a violent red was enough physical evidence to give away that the stoic RK900 android was worried about you. This was not you. You were normally cheerful, bubbly, hardly ever without a smile unless you were deep in thought or focused on a task. Even being given something as simple as a single flower or a cup of tea would cause you to smile for hours. You cherished the little things. Nines thought you were just a clueless naïve human being when he first met you. Little did he realize, at the time, that there was nothing naïve about having a heart of gold. For the heart you carried brought so much joy to Gavin, made him more tolerable in the workplace, and seemingly a better and healthier person. You were a good influence on him. And Nines couldn’t help but notice how everyone welcomed you when you stepped into the Precinct. They were all happy to talk to someone new, get some stories of an adorable domestic Gavin… To put it simply, you were a walking ray of sunshine. Even Nines found himself feeling elated whenever he saw you. Nines stood to the side, allowing Gavin some privacy with you as he entered the room with a gentle rap of his knuckles against the door. “Babe?” ◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇ You lifted your head at the sound of a voice that always felt like home to you. The first words to you spoke was a heartbroken plea, “Gavin? God, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” Immediately Gavin was by your side. “Hey, hey. No. No, you’re okay. It’s okay.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, taking your hand and enveloping it in his. Your other hand had a strap around the wrist and finger, attached to a machine as it monitored your pulse rate. You also had two sticky pads to your chest with thin wires popping out from the neckline of your work shirt, monitoring your heartrate.

“You got me out of paperwork so, y’know, thank you.” He murmured playfully, trying to lighten your mood and bring a smile to your face. But it didn’t work and he certainly didn’t expect it to. You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t say anything. Sometimes it was like everything shut down and plunged you in a numb state, and then the next minute you felt like you could burst into tears and drown your soul beneath the floods. Nines watched from the window as you collapsed your head against Gavin’s shoulder, hiding your face in his neck. You didn’t appear to be sobbing but your shoulders sagged in defeat. Gavin’s torso twisted slightly to accommodate the new position as he wrapped his arms around you, murmuring softly in your ear. (“It’s alright. ‘M here. I’ve got you.”) Occasionally pressing kisses against your forehead. It fascinated him the way Detective Reed worked. He was a smart-mouthed asshole at work, probably less since you’ve been with him. Heavy sarcasm. Matching quip for quip with Nines. Dangerously short-tempered. Definitely plays the role of ‘bad cop’ in the interrogation rooms. But with you… it’s hard to see him as the short-tempered grumpy Detective he’s known to be. There’s a new gentle side that Nines knew he had but never saw it. Until now.

There was a knock to the door as the Doctor approached, the nursing staff most likely have informed him that your emergency contacts have arrived. You immediately pulled away and curled back in on yourself as Gavin stood up to shake hands with the Doctor. “Detective Reed, I presume? Doctor Kent.” This time Nines entered the room now that the Doctor was present and blue eyes immediately dropped onto your huddled figure. Your cortisol levels were high, your serotonin levels were low. There was clearly more than just stress, hints of depression perhaps? None of the medical staff seemed to have picked up on that. Mind, Nines wasn’t programmed to read a human body psychologically, so he wasn’t equipped to make such bold conclusions. “I’m relieved to see your unharmed, Y/N.” Nines gently greeted you, trying to bring a softer tone to his usually sharp matter-of-fact tone. You offered a small smile but Nines could see your bottom lip quivering and the smile and gaze immediately dropped, going unnoticed by both Doctor and Detective as the two conversed, Nines bringing his attention back to the conversation. “How’s she been sleeping?” “Uh, decently. She studies throughout the night. Not coming to bed until near midnight.” “What time does she wake up in the mornings?” “5 or 6ish, I guess.” “The healthy amount of sleep an average person should be getting is 8 hours. 7 at the bare minimum. The lack of sleep that, I’m assuming has been ongoing, leaves her in a sleep-deprived state on top of studies for exams. As a Doctor, I know how grueling studies and exams can be. So I know that her lack of sleep isn’t helping in any way whatsoever to her studies. Any other stressful factors in her life? At home?” “Not that I’m aware of.” Gavin looked over at you but you only ducked your head out of his line of sight. He didn’t bother asking about any more stresses, knowing you wouldn’t be up to talking. The Doctor shifted on his feet as he came to a final conclusion. “I would prefer to keep her in overnight under observation. Prescribe a mild sedation to help her get a peaceful night’s rest.” “No!” Your small voice quickly interjected, shooting down the idea as your head snapped up and panicked eyes set upon the Doctor,  “I want to go home.” Your E/C left the Doctor’s and fell on your boyfriend, silently begging him. “Please?” It was like a fist hand squeezed at Gavin’s heart and then proceeded to stab it against a sharp knife. Never, in the past two years of being with you, has he ever seen you look so broken before. His gaze dropped from yours and back to the Doctor, “Can I not bring her home?” “It is with my professional opinion that we do keep her in overnight.” “You are within your rights to go against medical advice, Detective.” Nines quietly spoke from the side, having noticed your stress levels increased drastically at the thought of staying here.  His cold blue eyes seemed to have softened a little as he looked over at you before, also, dropping his gaze on the Doctor. “If I may interject, it might be beneficial to bring Y/N home. Her stress levels might decrease once she’s in a familiar environment that she deems comforting and safe. I can offer to stay the night to keep an eye on her levels. If they reach critical condition, we can bring her straight back.” And this is why Nines came along. He made a compelling argument against the Doctor whereas Gavin would’ve lost his temper. Nines could already see the panic flash in the Detective’s eyes with the thought of leaving a distraught girlfriend at the hospital overnight. That panic would immediately flicker to anger within the flick of a switch. “Very well. On the proviso that her levels are to be regularly scanned. If there are signs of no improvement, you are to bring her straight back.” “Of course.” It was settled then. The Nurse was called in by the Doctor to disconnect you from the being hooked up to the machines while Gavin walked out of the room (dropping a kiss on the top of your head with a murmured ‘Be right back’) so he could sign the DAMA form. (Discharged Against Medical Advice). Nines watched as everyone left the room, leaving you and the RK900 unit alone. You were still sitting on the bed and your gaze dropped to your hands in your lap. Under the ever-watchful gaze of Nines as his blue eyes studied you for a moment before breaking the silence. “You still seem quite withdrawn.” His tone was quite gentle, surprising you (though you didn’t show that you acknowledged his efforts) and also surprising him. You ducked your head further away from his gaze, your hair finally falling down around your face to obscure your features from view. “I don’t deserve him.” You whispered, your hands beginning to fidget, picking at your nails, rubbing your fingers together, fingernails pressing hard against your skin to the point where you were leaving little crescent moon indents. Your Mother’s words echoing loudly in your head. Unfortunately, your fall to the ground didn’t cause amnesia so you remembered everything about that phone-call. Your fidgeting was a sign that another panic attack was coming on and Nines seemed to have picked up on your stress levels as he came over and sat down on the edge of the bed. His larger hand reaching over and placing it over your fidgeting ones. A gentle squeeze of reassurance was given. “Quite the contrary Y/N. Gavin is the one who doesn’t deserve you. But I know he’s quite lucky to have you. I must say I’m grateful you’ve entered into his life. He’s become much less insufferable.” A very quiet whimper escaped your lips, that if the RK900 didn’t have highly incredible audio sensors, he would have easily missed it. He didn’t fully turn to you, remaining his usual professional self but when he felt two hands grip his tightly, he glanced down. Your fingers were white with how tightly you were holding on to him just as how tightly you were holding onto the lid of emotions that were threatening to spill forth. Ever so slightly, Nines leant forward a little – just a little, but enough for you to know he was silently offering an embrace if you needed it. And you did. You dropped your head into his shoulder and let out a deep sigh. “He could do so much better than me. I’m just…” you struggled to find the right words to describe just how despicable you are compared to many other successful and far more beautiful women out there are. “Perfect.” Nines supplied as his free hand wrapped around your upper arm/shoulder. “You are incorrect to state that he can do better than you. You are the better. Detective Reed is quite out of his league with you.” You merely scoffed at hearing this but the words were comforting to the voice that voice inside your head that was telling you otherwise. There was nothing more Nines could do or say. He wasn’t equipped to be dealing with psychological matters of a sensitive nature such as the situation you’re currently in, so he opted to remain silent and just hold you in this semi-embrace.

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇ Gavin had finished with the paperwork outside and stopped in his tracks as he walked past the window and saw Nines holding you. Kind of. It looked awkward to Gavin but you seemed content in the embrace. There was no pang of jealousy from Gavin at seeing Nines holding you (why would there be? Nines and you weren’t interested in each other like that), however, Gavin couldn’t help but marvel at how attached Nines had become to you. The RK900 became intrigued with your cheery personality and the way your presence seems to melt all the insufferable behavior away from Gavin. Yours and Nines friendship deepened the more you and Gavin hung out together with Nines, getting to the point where Nines would call you for advice either on Gavin or to do with women (what’s the best approach etc.) most likely related to crime cases with female victims since neither he nor Gavin were the best people to deal with emotionally distraught women. Sometimes you’d even ring Nines to ask about Gavin (if he came home in an exhausted or closed-off mood). Gavin would never have picked Nines to be the one to settle with a bond of friendship other than himself (not to sound vain). Phone ringing in his pocket, Gavin stepped away from the window – probably should give Nines privacy since always seems to be allergic to initiating (or participating) in physical interaction that isn’t violent. He didn’t even get a chance to greet the caller when Fowler’s voice immediately screamed down from the other end of the receiver. “Where the hell are you two!?” “Technically on our lunch break.” “Well get your asses back here and do some of that damn paperwork! It’s overflowing on your desk like Niagra-fucking-falls!” Normally Gavin would hit back with a quip that would leave others to wonder how the hell he hasn’t gotten himself fired yet, but instead his voice was oddly calm, probably because he was also in the hospital hallway. “I’m at the hospital. Something personal came up.” The voice on the other end dropped its raised tone as concern laced through, “Everything alright?” “Yeah. It’s just… personal. Gonna need a couple of days. Nines will be back tomorrow.” “S’fine, s’fine. It’s slow here anyway. Just keep me in the loop.” “Yeah… yeah, thanks.” “Take care, son.” With that, Gavin hung up and slipped his phone back in his pocket, relieved that Captain Fowler didn’t pester with questions. It’s not like Gavin took days off anyway – only when forced to by the Captain himself. One of the excused had been; ‘Reed, you’ve been working non-stop and you’re pissing me off. Go home and stay home for a couple of days.’ He walked past the window to see Nines standing by the bed with his hands behind his back, awaiting for Gavin’s return, as though he hadn’t just shared a gentle embrace with Y/N. Stepping into the room, Gavin walked over and placed a hand on the back of your shoulder in a gentle touch, “C’mon.” his voice so soft that if you weren’t in such a state, it would’ve melted your heart. Hands wrapped tightly around your arms as though you were giving yourself a hug, you leaned into Gavin’s side as he guided you out of the room with his arm around your mid-back. Nines following behind as he watched the two of you. You still seem quite withdrawn and quiet. Your levels seemingly decreased since leaving the room and Nines was satisfied he put forth the offer to bring you home. It was silent as they walked out of the hospital and to the car. Gavin occasionally peering over at you but you kept your head down with your gaze on the ground. He felt so out of his depth right now. He was worried about you, actually worried about you. And because he was so worried about you, he worried further that he would say the wrong thing or not be able to help you. He was gentle and kind with you, but he was still the blunt-speaking Detective he’d always been. It didn’t help that this is the first time you’ve ever been this bad. The worst you’ve ever done was breakdown and cry while stressed. All of which can be fixed with hugs and soft murmurs. That was easy. This wasn’t. This required a gentle and fragile approach. Something that Gavin will truly fuck up somehow. Yet the figure following behind them thought otherwise. Had he been able to hear Gavin’s thoughts, Nines would reassure him that he is the perfect person to handle this. Nines has witnessed the true gentleman that Gavin is when he’s around you. He knows Gavin is capable of empathy and sensitivity. Unlocking the car, Gavin opened the door for the backseat behind the driver, his hand leaving your back as you lowered into the seat. He left the door open momentarily as he popped the trunk of the car and pulled out the blanket you made him keep in their in case of emergencies. - “You don’t even have a first aid kit in your car?!” you queried as you and Gavin made your first shopping trip together and were placing grocery bags in the back of the car. “No. Why would I?” “Gavin! You’re a Detective!” “So?” “So…shouldn’t you have one!?…what if someone was in trouble?” “That’s what paramedics are for Y/N.” “You’ve got first aid training, right?” “Yeah they make us do that shit every two to three years.” “Well you ought to have a first aid kit in the back of your car in case of emergencies. It’s only a matter of moments between life and death for some. Paramedics may not arrive in time and you could be the one to make that difference.” Gavin went quiet for a moment as he mulled over the point you made, sighing excessively loudly (which made you giggle because it was one of those defeated sighs where he knew you were right and rather than telling you you’re right, he just sighed it out.) “Alright. I’ll get one if it’ll make you happy.” “And a blanket.” “Why the fuck would someone need a blanket?” “In case of situations like shock, or it’s in freezing cold temperatures.” Another sigh and then a defeated, “Fine. Fine. You win. But you better kiss me for this.” You grinned and did as he asked, leaning over you brushed your lips against before his hand pressed against your lower back, pulling you against him as his lips captured yours. “Mm, that’s what I thought.” He murmured. You could feel his grin through the kiss and you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh against his lips. - Nines ever-observant eyes watched with curiosity as Gavin retrieved the blanket from the trunk of the car, shaking it out of its folded-up state and brought it around to you. It smelt a bit musty from being cooped up in the dark back of his trunk but you didn’t mind as he draped it over you. “Guess you were right, huh?” he smiled softly as he tugged it around your sides. You could only nod. It was like you hit such a numb state. You couldn’t share in his humor, you couldn’t bring yourself to reciprocate his smile. You could only be glad that you did something right for once. With your door finally closed and you were safely situated in the backseat, Nines finally moved from his spot and slid into the passenger seat just as Gavin slid into the driver’s seat. Unlike when he and Nines left the Precinct, Gavin was much more careful in reversing and driving out of the hospital carpark. Mostly because you were in the vehicle. The drive home was quiet. Gavin constantly checking his rearview mirror to keep an eye on you. Occasionally you both made eye contact and you would always look away in shame. He deserved so much better than you. Perhaps your mother was right. Look how you’re inconveniencing him. He’s had to take time off work because of you. “Would you like me to inform Captain Fowler of your sudden absence?” Nines quietly asked, purposefully keeping his voice at a gentle lull so as to not disturb you. “I’ve already called him. Said you were coming in tomorrow though.” Eyes focused on the road, Gavin answered Nines without breaking concentration, his voice equally quiet. “Is that wise? An agreement was made between the Doctor and myself that I would ensure Y/N’s safety outside Hospital Grounds.” “So? S’not like you got it in writing.” “No. I did, however, record the conversation.” “Without his consent? Why, Nines, you devil, you.” Gavin quietly joked. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the statement, deeming an action unnecessary, Nines decided to correct the name-calling, “I’m an android, not a devil. Regardless, that agreement still stands.” “Look, Nines, we’re about to crack this case. Let’s face it, you’ll work quicker when I’m not there. You got Anderson and that annoying plastic prick as backup.” Gavin turned the corner and was only now three streets from arriving home. “Very well.” You heard the entire conversation, they weren’t being quiet in an attempt for you not to overhear, they were being quiet out of respect for your already quiet state. But you did readjust yourself, sinking further beneath the blanket and leaning your head against the window. The hum of the vehicle’s engine, the flickering of the indicator and the quietened toned voices that were usually loud and bickering (mostly Gavin instigating the arguments) was enough to make you drowsy with the heavy onslaught of emotions you were fighting back. ◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇ You hadn’t realized you were home until your door opened and you jerked in surprise. “Shit, sorry babe. You okay?” You hummed softly as you undid your seatbelt and climbed out of the car with the blanket wrapped around you. Immediately Gavin’s arm came around the small of your back and guided you up to the house. “Would you like a cup of tea Y/N? I’ve heard herbal teas are beneficial in calming ones nerves.” Nines asked as he followed up behind you and Gavin, hands behind his back. You only shook your head, “I think I just want to go to sleep.” You muttered and felt Gavin’s hand rub your back in comfort. The small home that you and Gavin shared was always warm and welcoming. Unlike bare yet always messy apartment Gavin had prior to you coming on the scene. There were artwork on the wall, photos in frames displayed on different types of shelving, alongside little ornaments that you and Gavin collected over time. Mostly things you found cute whenever you would visit a market or something. Occasionally something on display would be from Gavin; “I saw this and thought you might like it.” Had been his way of telling you he’s thinking of you and taking an interest in what you like. And because he wanted to spoil you with something you’d like personally rather than just the average gift of jewelry.

Gavin took you down the hall while Nines stayed in the living room, waiting Gavin’s return. “How are you feeling?” Gavin murmured as he shut the bedroom door and walking around you to pull back the blankets of the bed on your side. You merely raised your shoulders in a small shrug. Today had escalated drastically for you; physically, mentally and emotionally. You climbed into the bed, still wrapped in the blanket from the car as an additional comfort. You snuggled down with the blanket being tugged right up around your chin by Gavin. He had no idea what the fuck to do but he could only hope this would work. His hand came down to rest on the curve of where your hip was hidden beneath the blanket as he crouched down on his quarters. His other arm resting above your head as his fingers gently caressed your hair from your forehead. “What the hell happened to you today, Y/N/N?” “I don’t know… stress, I guess.” “I’ve seen you stressed, babe. This isn’t that. There’s something more. Something you’re not telling me. What is it?” Damn him and his Detective skills, able to pinpoint when someone wasn’t telling the truth. You licked your lips in nervousness as you stared at his grey orbs. “Can I ask you something Gavin?” “Yeah. ‘Course.” “Do I…Do I, um… Do I…” your voice wavered as you stammered your words, the remaining question was whispered because you were barely holding on now, “disgust you? Make you ashamed to be with me?” His fingers stopped their ministrations, his face twisting into a mix of disbelief and anger. “What the fuck Y/N?! No! Where the hell did this all come from?” Just like that, the gates to the dam opened and the tears fell uncontrollably from your eyes, your own features twisting into so much hurt that it tugged painfully at Gavin’s heartstrings, already filling with anger and who caused you to be so distraught. A sob broke out and you turned your face into the pillow, away from his gaze as your body violently trembled beneath each sob that tore out. “Shit. Hey, hey, hey…S’alright. It’s alright.” Gavin quickly moved to sit in the small space on the edge of the bed. Everything that had built up for weeks, only for the phone call from your mother to finally be that tipping point for you came bursting out. You felt one hand grip whatever part of you he could reach, and the other caressing the material of the blanket that was covering your body. “I’ve got you, babe. I got you. You’re alright. ‘M right here.” Soft words were murmured as he continued to caress your back in comfort but his efforts hadn’t even managed to calm you down at all. “Babe, can you look at me?” “No….” you wailed into the pillow, curling further in on yourself. Quietly adding an “I can’t!” between sobs. Your cries were really getting to Gavin and he had to find the strength not to explode in anger and hunt down whoever it was that hurt you like this. “’M right here Y/N. I’m not going anywhere. Talk to me.” Gavin’s voice rose a little to be heard over the volume of your cries but still, somehow, remained a gentle tone about it. He barely managed to catch it but he heard it loud and clear, “I’m a disappointment.” “Who said that?” “Everyone! My boss! Customers! My own M-Mom!” Gavin was well aware what your mother was like. What your family was like. They expected too much from you and had you at high standards that were impossible for you to achieve. Not everyone was built to become a surgeon or a firefighter, or even a Detective. At first, he tried to reason with himself that they just wanted the best for you but it was clear that they bullied you – and he swore that sometimes they would do it for fun. He lost all respect for your family and wanted to shield you away from them as best as he could without it falling into the ‘possessive/alienating’ category of being in a relationship.  It was part of the reason he asked you to move in with him. Give you an offer of a new life. Hopefully ceasing as much contact with the toxicity of your family. “God-fucking-damnit!” The curse fell past his lips before he could even catch it, startling you and causing you to curl into a tight ball – how that was even possible, he had no idea. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry for everything!” “Fuck. No. I… No, I’m not mad at you… Fuck, babe… I, uh…” His hand hovered midair, debating whether continuing to offer you comfort was the right course of action. He had sent you into such a pleading state with his verbal outburst, he didn’t want to be the one to add to that. “I’m not worth it. Any of it. You deserve better than me.” Without thinking, his hand came down and rested firmly on your shoulder. Sliding off the bed, he resumed his position of crouching down to peer at you since you were curled into a tight fetal position. “No.” he firmly stated. “You are worth everything to me, Y/N. Everything. Don’t you dare think you’re not.” He dropped his head, muttering under his breath, “I’m going to fucking kill that woman.” It was no use. Whatever Gavin said to you, you only cried through his words. You hadn’t meant to be so rude but you couldn’t calm down. This was years and years of your Mother’s verbal abuse coming out. The more you cried, the more Gavin swore bloody murder. It was hard; he wasn’t the type of guy who knew the right things to say. He was far from the ‘ideal perfect boyfriend’ that women seem to desire. But he was doing all he could, and all that he knew how. That also includes staying with you until you fell asleep. Your body stopped trembling but his hand never ceased those comforting motions against your frame. Gentle hushing every now and then emitted past those lips that were known to swear like a sailor and argue with anything that moves. Gavin had since resumed his original position; crouched by the bedside, one hand caressing the hair back from your now tear-stained face, the other rubbing circular motions in comfort – which had now ceased to where his thumb was just gentle caressing while his hand remained firmly against the curve of your hip. He waited until you were asleep before he left, gently tugging the blankets around you, his gaze lingering on your sleeping form – features now relaxed and set into a peaceful slumber as if you didn’t just suffer a massive breakdown. The moment he turned from you, however, there was a murderous rage in those stormy grey orbs of his. Quietly shutting the door behind him, he walked out to Nines who was holding a framed photo of the three of them. This was definitely your doing. Gavin would never place photos up, particularly personal ones. But you insisted, and you really adored the one of you three. It was just a dumb selfie at the beach with your faces squished together in order to fit in the frame. It was silly, and one of the very rare times that Nines stepped out of his level of comfort from his professional appearance to just be ‘normal’. His LED was circling the soft amber glow, occasionally red would flicker through. He was quite concerned about you. Particularly when he heard the heartbroken wails filter through the shut door. Audio components picking up some of the conversation as he eavesdropped a little, however, he decided that this was one of those times where you could not be comforted. A shame that you weren’t under hospital care, they could have given you a sedation to avoid the mess of emotions. Perhaps with the decent night sleep, you could wake up feeling more refreshed and a stronger state of mind to begin the day’s problems. Which is what he hoped would work for you now. Hearing the door click shut, he placed the photo back on the shelf and waited for Gavin to reappear. “How is Y/N?” Gavin didn’t even look at Nines as he pulled out his phone from his pocket and thumb began scrolling through the screen of contacts. “Cried herself to sleep. Fuck all I could do for her.” “Surprisingly her cortisol levels are back to a regular state but there’s been a significant drop in her serotonin levels.” Nines reported as he followed Gavin into the kitchen. Glancing up from his phone in annoyance, wanting to just get the person he was looking for on the phone and rip into them. “What?! English, Nines.” “I was speaking English, Detective. To put it simply, her stress levels are back to normal but she’s taken quite the plunge with her happiness.” “Yeah, no shit Sherlock. You seen the state she’s in? She’s far from happy. She’s hurtin’ Nines. And there’s fuck all I can do for her. And this wouldn’t have happened if her fucking mother kept her goddamn mouth shut.” “I’m afraid I’m not following.” “I couldn’t get much out of her but…” Gavin went on to explain just the real level of nastiness your Mother can be. And whenever there’s a family get-together, they all put their two-cents worth it. And not in a supportive manner either. They were jabs, accusations, insults, remarks… playground bullying that was clearly taking it’s toll on you. “…Which is why I asked her to move in with me. To get her away from all this bullshit as much as I can.” “I see.” “Enough’s enough. This ends now.” Phone gripped in his fist, pointer finger came out and jabbed at the air towards the ground, emphasis his words before he extended his arm out and pointed towards the door of where you were sleeping, “Because the next time this happens, I don’t want to get a phone call saying Y/N’s topped herself.” Nines would have interjected, maybe offered for Gavin to calm down while making an irrational phone call but from what he had just been informed with regarding your family, well… they had this coming. Nines was standing by for… moral support. And to also make sure Gavin doesn’t say something stupid that could jeopardize your relationship with him or his job as an officer of the law. Finally hitting the green call button on his phone, Gavin waited for your Mother to pick up. When the line connected, he offered no greeting and go straight to the point,

“What did you say to her?!” “Nothing that any other Mother wouldn’t give advice to their child.” “You call that advice!? Do you have any idea what you’ve fucking done!?” “I gave her a reality check, Mr. Reed. Get her to pull her head in and do something good with her life.” “No. You gave her a hospital check. You’ve fucked her up.” “Excuse me?” “You heard me, lady. Every time I manage to bring her to where she can finally see her own worth, you bring her right back to the fucking ground again. And this time she landed in the fucking hospital!” Gavin’s finger never ceased the jabbing in midair with every point he made. If only the Mother could see how close Gavin was to losing his shit, perhaps she’d actually shut up and listen to him. “That’s at no-one’s fault but her own.” “No, that’s at your own fucking fault. If you were a decent mother and supported her -” “Y/N has had this fantasy dream since she was a child. It’s time she outgrew it and got a proper job.” “Since when is wanting to own to a business a fucking fantasy?! She can do it. She has the smarts to but you keep fucking her up.” At this point, Nines yanked the phone out of Gavin’s clutches when the Detective’s began to rise and his anger would be to blame for waking you up, which is something that Nines wanted to avoid. You needed the sleep and listening to Gavin scream down the other line of the phone would only stress you out further. Placing the communications device to ear, a much more calmer tone greeted the line, “Good evening Mrs Y/L/N. What my colleague is trying to convey is that one Y/N has successfully surpassed her examinations, she has a solid proposal to put forth to the bank and town-council officials. There is a 15% she will be knocked back, but that is a very low percentile so I highly doubt she will become the failure that you are clearly so worried about. I understand that every parent wishes for their child to succeed. Your concern is admirable but the unsolicited advice is not. I suggest that if you cannot be as supportive of her as her own boyfriend and his work colleagues down at the Detroit City Police Department, perhaps it is best if you minimalize your contact with Y/N. I assure you that your daughter has people in her corner to support her, people that you ought to be wary of the next time you break the law. Because the next time you bring Y/N down again, we will bring you down the next time you break the law, regardless of how small it is. Good day Mrs. L/N.” Just as well that Nines took over from the phone call. Had it been Gavin, he would’ve been screaming down the line with a much worse threat; ‘Break Y/N again, and I’ll break your fucking face.” Gavin temper can get away from him particularly when it involves you. Before your mother could get a word in, Nines hung up the phone and looked over at Gavin whose mouth was slightly agape before they turned into a snarl as he took his phone back. “She got off lightly if you ask me.” “Yes, well the alternative is against the law.” “Tch.” “It would be advisable that you also retrieve Y/N’s phone in case the mother tries to contact her while she’s recovering.” “Fuck. Yeah… Yeah, I’ll do that.” Instead of doing as Nines advised, Gavin grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, some pain relief from the top of the fridge and then rummaged around one of the top drawers in the kitchen. Grabbing a marker and a piece of notepad paper, he quickly scribbled something on it before gathering everything and making his way down the hallway to the bedroom. Quietly opening the door, he made an effort to be quiet with his steps as he set down his phone beside yours so he could unload the rest of his items; placing the bottle of water down, the packet of pain relief tablets in case you awake with a headache or any other aches from today. Lastly, the little note that simply said; ‘Love you X.’

Despite the murderous anger that had consumed him earlier, it all melted when he saw you curled up beneath the covers. One of these days he was going to marry you. If you’ll have him, that is. He can only hope he’d make a decent husband to you. Leaning down, lips softly kissed your temple, gaze lingering on you for a moment, flames of fierce protection flickered around Gavin’s heart, who was prepared to burn anyone whoever dare hurt you like this. Grabbing both phones, he left the room and quietly shut the door behind him. ◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇ He found Nines in the kitchen with a fresh cup of coffee made for Gavin, knowing the Detective would be in dire need of something after the stressful few hours. Sitting at one of the barstools at the kitchen counter, Gavin groaned and rubbed his face as Nines took your phone and switched it off completely before sliding it back to Gavin. “Nines? Uh… listen – uh, thanks for everything today. Didn’t mean to rope you in with all this shit.” “You’re quite welcome. I’m just relieved to know that Y/N is home.” “Yeah. Me too.” A quiet moment transpired between them as Gavin sipped away at his coffee and Nines running his regular internal checks with his system. “’M gonna marry her Nines.” The statement came as no surprise to Nines, he was well aware how smitten Gavin was for you, but he hadn’t expected to see the tips of Gavin’s ears turn pink at the statement. Gavin’s face was turned slightly from Nines’ complete view, but Nines knew this was something that Gavin was embarrassed to confess but clearly wanted to open up to Nines about. “I know, Detective.”

  ◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇  

It was close to 8 months since you successfully graduated from your university. Gavin and Nines were both there to see you accept your certificate, they were both there when you signed documents and contracts for various things. Gavin wanted to be there for every crucial moment for you, and Nines wanted to be there to ensure that you weren’t getting screwed over by what was stated in the contracts and documents.

It was the evening before the bookstore opening and everything was in place. Unfortunately, there wouldn’t be a grand opening of sorts so Gavin didn’t book the day off; having booked quite a number of days off already with wanting to be there for the other stuff in the past few days. So, he decided to take you out to dinner tonight. Or so you thought. He came home early so he could have a shower and get ready while you also had time to do your hair and makeup, wearing the dress that you knew drew him wild. It wasn’t your intention to tease him but you also know he’s been stressed with work but has also been there for you with everything… you knew there was only one way to show your appreciation… but that was for after dinner. You hadn’t even left the house yet, let alone the bedroom when two large hands had your hips pinned against the wall. You let out a small gasp and arched against him with a small hum. His lips trailing from your cheek and down your jawline, “You look delicious babe.” One of your hands rested on his forearm, the other trailed up the nape of his neck, fingers pressing against the smaller parts of his hair. “Dinner first and then dessert.” “I’d rather have you for dinner.” Came the husky murmur against your ear as his hands gripped your hips and pressed his own against yours, feeling the slight bulge in his pants. You forced yourself to hold back a moan, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of how much you really want to cave and give him what he wants. “And not dessert? Shame. Dessert’s always the best part.” You teased, tilting your head sideways for his lips to have better access. He refused to kiss your lips because he didn’t want to mess up your makeup. “Can’t I have both?” he groaned out but forced himself to pull away, especially if he wants tonight to go as planned; which didn’t exactly interfere with your plans but will definitely delay them somewhat. His lust-filled green eyes stared at yours as a finger gently hooked under your chin, thumb very lightly caressed across your dark red painted lips. “You really are fucking beautiful, you know that, right?” Luckily the blush you were wearing covered up the natural heat of your cheeks at his compliment. “I do now.” You murmured softly as your gaze met his and your lips smiled softly. You had no idea how much Gavin worshipped the ground you walked on, adored you in every single aspect of the word. At the same time, he was your entire world to you. He may not look like it, but he was the epitome of a gentleman to you. You’ve been told by so many that he’s an absolute asshole at work (granted he’s calmed down since he’d been dating you) but you just can’t see it. Smiling, you placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and leaned back, thumb wiping away the lipstick residue left on his cheek. “And you, Detective Reed, are quite the charmer.” If he could wink, he would, but he’d given up trying ages ago. Instead, his lips turned up into a smirk and his hand connected with the curve of your ass. “C’mon.” Gavin took you both to the bookstore first. Night was falling and you could only make out the sign by the street lamps; ‘Cozy Book Nook Store’ a name that suited the theme of the bookstore you designed. Even with the curtains drawn, the windows and signage already had a welcoming and cozy tone. Gavin had wanted to see the final product before anyone else when the doors opened tomorrow. Unlocking the door, you flicked some of the lights and let him in. He wondered around a little, taking it all in. Mind, he’s been coming in every few days to see the progress, spending his weekends dedicated to helping you unbox books and placing them on the shelves. But he knows you’ve been working hard nonstop between then and now, adding the finishing touches and such. You quietly stood to the side, hands clasped together in front of you as you watched his reaction. Did it look good? Did you do a good job at setting it up? It was a rustic themed look inside with little nooks lit up by soft fairy lights where people could sit and read. Eventually you were going to incorporate a hot chocolate machine but that also came with a lot of pros and cons, and not quite in budget at the moment. “This looks amazing! You nervous?” he turned as he watched you walk over to him, forcing himself to keep his eyes on yours and not wander down to the curve of your hips as they sway while you walked. “Excited mostly, but yeah, a little nervous.” “You know I’m proud of you, babe. I’m so fucking proud of you.” He glanced around at the store before his gaze landed back on yours. “You achieved all this on your own.” “Well, I can’t take all the credit. You helped too.” “Hm, I think I mostly got in the way.” There was one weekend where Gavin kept slapping your ass as he walked past while you were bent over some books or boxes, a couple of times you both fooled around too. It was basically a wasted weekend because Gavin clearly had other things on his mind. He took your hand in his, lifting it to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to the palm of your hand. “You’ve come a long way Y/N. You should be proud of yourself. I am. I am so fucking proud of you, you have no idea. I know things weren’t easy. But I will always be there for you. And I…” Gavin had wanted to say something romantic, something that would sweep you off your feet but he wasn’t capable of doing that. He still struggles to open up on a heart-to-heart level at times. Instead, his free hand disappeared into the inside pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a small square box. Before you even had time to process anything, he was down on one knee, still holding your hand while managing to flick the box open to reveal a beautiful gold diamond ring. “I would be even more proud to call you my wife. Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?” He had every intention of asking you to marry him regardless of whether you graduated or not. If you didn’t graduate, it would give him the opportunity to whisk you away for a weekend to help forget your troubles, to propose even if it means you don’t become the successful bookstore owner you’ve always dreamed of being. Whether you were an assistant, or at a ‘menial’ job like retail or at Starbucks… he’d still be proud to call you his wife. But when you graduated and bought the building that was only a block away from the Precinct (expect a lot of visits from Gavin, sometimes Nines too, on his lunchbreak), he knew the perfect way to propose to you; When your Bookstore was all set up and ready to open. “I… Gavin are you sure?” “I’m on my knees, asking. I’m pretty sure Y/N.” “No, I meant… my family aren’t exactly –” “I’m well aware of your family and I would really rather not talk about them while I’m trying to ask you to marry me here.” You laughed softly at accidentally leaving him in limbo like that. But your laughter soon turned into tears of happiness as you sobbed out a “Yes.” Being a physically active Detective, he was able to unexpectedly brace himself as you lunged your body against him. Arms coming around his neck while you kissed whatever part of him you could. “Oh my god, yes!”   Still holding the box, his arms snaked around your lower back as he held you to him, his lips managing to catch yours in a tender but deep kiss in the middle of your bookstore.

[s1i9d]

The Ultimate “Adrien is a Sentimonster” Collection

This might sound crazy, but it’s a definite theory and has backing from the show itself. It explains a lot of unresolved questions, and there’s foreshadowing for the show.

(NOTE: This post was last updated on 30th October 2021, the day of the US premiere of 412 “Crocoduel”. Edits with more information may be subject to be added or rectified based on new evidence in-show episodes/specials released.)

SETUP

In “Feast”, Master Fu made his own Sentimonster for his reasons, and caused the destruction of the Temple of the Monks. He detransformed and ran with the last copy of the Grimoir and the last box of Mirauculous.

Fu safely jumped over the canyon and Feast fell into the lava, thought to be dead. Master Fu picked up all the Miraculous in the snow, but the Butterly Miraculous, Peacock Miraculous, and the Grimoir. All fell down into the canyon below.

Many and many after the events, Gabriel and Emilie travelled to Tibet. They found the two Miraculous and the book. Before the events of “Origins”, Emilie used the Peacock Miraculous for something, and died/fell into a coma, setting off the stack of dominos to fall into place for the current show: Gabriel becomes Hawkmoth, Fu needs allies, Marinette and Adrien are given their Miraculous. But the question still remains, what did Emilie use the Peacock Miraculous for? And why did she use it even though there was no need for a villain or a hero of the Miraculous?

Why did Emilie use the Peacock Miraculous? 

The main theory is Gabriel and Emilie wanted a child, but they couldn’t have one. Either due to their biological make, or they had a child, but he ended up dying. In their anguish, they made another child to replace him. It may seem to be a genie trickery wish, since 

Why is the Peacock Miraculous damaged? How do you damage a Miraculous?

The creation of Feast is what broke the Peacock Miraculous. A Sentimonster existing beyond the time the Holder is transformed and stayed for too long, and the Amok doesn’t return back or de-evilised exerts too much pressure on the Miraculous itself. That initial Sentimonster creation caused Emilie to fall sick and eventually become her current state.

Gabriel is overprotective of Adrien. 

The main relationship between Gabriel and Adrien has always been seen as problematic: a “single” father constantly neglects his son of any familial love and affection, even prohibiting him from going to school and outside his usual full schedule for friends outings because he’s overprotective of him.

Now the surface level explanation is that Gabriel is protective of Adrien because he lost Emilie. Why would he be overprotective of Adrien if “Feast” confirms Emilie is harmed by the Peacock Miraculous? I don’t see Adrien going, “Dusuu, transforme moi!” (”Dusuu, spread my feathers” for you English dub viewers.)

We know an Amok and Akuma can remain active even after the Holder has detransformed, and Sentimonsters can be Akumatised.

“Feast” proves it with the Peacock Miraculous, and “Startrain” has proved the same for Hawkmoth. This is something very specific to the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous, since Ladybug’s Lucky Charm (“Oblivio”) disappears when she detransforms.

We see that Feast can be Akumatised, so it makes it possible since Chat Noir/Adrien was also Akumatised seven episodes later in the production order. So there isn’t some kind of Akuma block when Hawkmoth would try to Akumatise Adrien.

Adrien is perfect.

This is something absolutely hammered in the show. Adrien is so perfect and nice, it feels almost inhumane how such a person can exist. We see the show from Marinette’s perspective, but Marinette hasn’t seen the scenes we see with Gabriel being Hawkmoth or even Adrien’s rare physical interactions with people when she’s not present at the same time.

“It is dangerous to misuse the Miraculous.”

This is a repeated statement. Hawkmoth and Mayura both misuse their respective Miraculous; they misuse it for evil and villainous deeds rather than the intentional heroic purpose.

Adrien is allergic to feathers.

Do I need to explain?

Ties into the Season 2 plants for Adrien’s death.

Quite a few episodes in Season 2 foreshadowed Adrien’s death. In “Frozer”, Ladybug tell Chat, 

“I can’t imagine a life without the boy I love.”

In “Catalyst (Heroes’ Day - Part 1)”, Chat Noir fake dies in Volpina’s illusion. There’s more, but this isn’t the “Dead Adrien” post.

These plants (film terminology for pieces set in place. Think of it as a Chekhov’s Gun or something that foreshadows an event.) set up in Season 2 fit together with Sentimonster Adrien since he’s not ‘alive’, but he is living. Tomoe could have more information on this than she’s shown to know.

Gabriel’s affiliations with Tomoe Tsurugi (Kagami’s mother)

Tomoe and Gabriel are quite close, to an extent where Kagami is the only real person Gabriel will let Adrien talk to generally. Like in “Animaestro” or “Backwarder”, where they are intentionally spending time with one another.

In “Feast”, we get a brief glimpse of Tomoe when the news reporter talks about the Order of the Guardians’ temple. Suspiciously placed between people extremely related to the Miraculous.

Nathalie’s sickness is happening so fast.

Nathalie and Emilie are confirmed to have the same sickness, but Nathalie’s health is deteriorating quite rapidly. Quickly becoming deadly and affecting her day to day activities. (”Feast” and “Ladybug” both show her illness causes ‘disruptions’ to plans scheduled.) 

One more piece of evidence is the theory of Emilie’s illness being slower than Nathalie’s. The effect of Fu’s Sentimonster affecting Emilie, but Fu’s Sentimonster and Adrien both affect the Miraculous, damaging it further. This makes her state worsen.

Hawkmoth/Gabriel has never said explicitly that he will wish his wife back to life/consciousness.

He has said in the opening minutes of “Chat Blanc”:

“Emilie, I miss you every moment. But one day, I will get the Miraculous of Ladybug and Cat Noir, repair the mistakes of the past, and make sure you return to us.”

It’s even shown in “Party Crasher”, right after he hangs up on Nathalie to harvest the butterflies.

“Emilie, we miss you so much. But you'll be back with us very soon. Thanks to my akumas, it's only a matter of time before I take control of their Miraculous. Merging them will grant me absolute power to reshape reality, and finally reverse our past mistake.”

In “Catalyst (Heroes’ Day - Part 1)”, Nathalie and Gabriel spoke in front of the outside Emilie statue.

“You made a promise to your wife. You’ve risked so much for the chance to bring her back.”

And even though it isn’t as explicit as the previous two, it proves Emilie knew she was dying/losing consciousness. So she had some agency over what happened to her, so she knew she was dying and made Gabriel promise to bring her back.

This means Hawkmoth’s wish could be to make Adrien a real boy (a la Pinocchio).

Bugette Sentimonster (”Ladybug”)

It’s quite random how Bugette has her own consciousness when Ladybug gives her Amoked object back. The show has done many random things (Space Dumpsters, Car Hologram Gabriel, Mayor Lamp), but it seems very intentional that Bugette had her own consciousness. All of these objects were mentioned in passing, and that was it. Bugette was talked about after the episode, and it emotionally affected both Chat and Ladybug. She was spoken about more than just a moment.

This is the first and only time we’ve seen something like this happen at the moment (hiatus between S3 and S4), and the additional information the Peacock Holder can intentionally alter the physical design of the Sentimonster. Usually, Sentimonster are affiliated with another character or their reason for Akumatisation. 

In “Miraculer”, August creates a lollipop Sentimonster because of his craving for lollipops. Even in “Reflekdoll”, Juleka creates a Doll Sentimonster because of her affiliations with fashion and standing out. Feast itself even had the symbol of the Order of the Guardians on its face. Hawkmoth has his Butterfly Sentimonster with him.

On top of all this information, Adrien was the one who was most anguished about Bugette’s death. Ladybug was upset as well, but Chat was in (or at least) showing more pain than her.

We have no concrete exposition on Adrien’s childhood.

This is very similar to a very specific Steven Universe reveal about Steven’s mother. There was a character she deeply trusted who wasn’t allowed to reveal the information, and therefore we had no exact backstory to the character until after the information was revealed.

Adrien is in a very similar position, where we have no backstory on him. There are no baby pictures of him, he doesn’t talk about being a kid, and the class didn’t even know him until he came to school. Kim (out of all people) even confirms this in “Félix” where he says, 

“Truth is, we’ve only known him since he came back after the summer.”

This is the biggest evidence of it being Genie wish, where they wanted a child, but it was a teenager and they couldn’t alter it because their form would be permanent. 

There are only a few canon things we have a grasp on Adrien’s past: Chloé, a drawing from “The Collector”, and Adrien’s childhood in “Wishmaker”.

Chloe has always been the only friend from Adrien’s past. She never says anything explicitly and concrete about their relationship in the past, or even talking about their exact age of when Adrien and her first became friends. She only says things like, “Oh, Adrikins! You’ve always been like that.” It’s never something huge about, “Oh, Adrien! Remember when you ________ when we were ______ years old?” No. It’s always relating to Adrien’s actions instead of his past.

In “The Collector”, when Gabriel is destroying random objects in his office to trick LB and CN into thinking he was angry and got Akumatised by ‘Hawkmoth’, he looks inside a cupboard and takes a framed picture of Adrien’s stick figure drawing with him holding his mother and his father’s hands. This shows he made a drawing, but there’s no real explanation for what age he was. He could have made that when he was figuring out how to be a human, or even when he was recently young. It doesn’t give us exact age or even any kind of concrete information on him and his past. But this can be tied together that it is original Adrien’s drawing (the one that died then came back to life) and then Gabriel keeps it as a memory of them.

This is further confirmed in “Wishmaker”, where Adrien says he doesn’t remember his childhood dreams. And when he does get hit by Wishmaker’s power, his dream as a child was “to be what [his] parents wants [him] to be.” The direct line of action referencing his birth, and being controlled by his parents, who were his creators.

To have an Sentimonster or an Akumatised person, an object must be Akumatised or Amoked. So what would the Amoked object be?

Let’s revisit “Félix” for a hot second: Félix and Amilie’s main aim in the episode are to retrieve the Graham de Vanily rings. Gabriel is very adamant to give them back to Amilie, even refusing her fully. Félix ends up stealing one of the rings from his hand, which Gabriel is noticeably furious at him for doing so. 

The episode puts an obviously huge focus on the importance of the rings, but explains nothing but hopes for their return in upcoming episodes. These rings are important to Gabriel, possibly his connection to Emilie, but it could also be one (or both) of the rings are the Amoked object for Sentimonster Adrien.

There’s no other explaination for why else they are important, with the other theory of the rings being Miraculous. It makes sense, but doubtful since Master Fu had all but two of the Miraculous, and Gabriel didn’t go to Tibet to retrieve the other Miraculous from Tibet.

One scene followed up on this was the ending sequence in “Mega Leech”, where Gabriel and Adrien start to have a heated discussion before Gabriel sends Adrien to his room. As Adrien walks up the stairs, Gabriel twists his ring on his finger. Again, we have no idea what this could mean, and we have no idea what the rings actually are.

The big question is “was it both the rings, or just one?” The answer can be yes or no. In 412 “Crocoduel,” where one object can be akumatised, but if broken in half as it is akumatised, it must be repaired back before it can be freed of the butterfly.

And that’s all the information we have as of now. It could be that these plants are meant for something adjacent to this, but the evidence currently is overwhelming.

TL:DR - Adrien is a Sentimonster because he’s perfect. Emilie wanted a kid. Fu messed up. Gabriel is crazy. Chloé don’t care about no exposition beside hers. Nathalie is a sick, dying woman and murdered Adrien’s cousin. Félix and/or Gabriel hold Adrien’s lifeline. 

[neon-dynasty]

Kamigawa was a failed endeavor. Released in the autumn of 2004, Champions of Kamigawa promised some new things for Magic the Gathering, and the return to some old things as well. Most importantly, in my opinion, it showed that Wizards was paying attention to what fans were interested in (outside of Magic) and wanted to provide a way of relating to the fans. However, just about everything they did with the setting and game either couldn’t live up to expectations or outright failed. Here’s why I think the original Kamigawa block failed, and why I think a return would be a resounding success.

This came out much longer than I’d expected, so hit the jump.

For its entire existence up until 2004, most of Magic’s settings were a hodgepodge of fantasy tropes, and the storyline had been following or tying into a single thread for years. Kamigawa was the first setting to truly be free of the ongoing Magic story. Nowadays, however, Magic is known for its settings based on real-world places and cultures. Just this past year, we’ve visited Eldraine (Arthurian Britain), Theros (ancient Greece), and Ikoria (less a real culture and more about giant monster tropes). Back in 2004, however, visiting a clearly defined theme world like this was something that hadn’t been done in a long time. In fact, it’s something the franchise traditionally shied away from. 1996’s Mirage block took place in Jamuura, a continent on Dominaria based on sub-Saharan Africa.1995’s Ice Age was set in a Viking-inspired Terisiare. (You could say that Arabian Nights and Portal Three Kingdoms also count, but those were more wholesale copies than homages.) Based on ancient Japan, Kamigawa was the first herald of a new worldbuilding philosophy for Magic, one that would see the creative team at Wizards of the Coast put their own spin on familiar cultures and mythologies, while still keeping them distinctly their own. Kind of like Disney movies.

The mechanics also promised to shake things up. While I don’t remember any of the card announcements, Kamigawa block introduced many new pieces for the game. Samurai and ninja had their own keyword abilities in bushido and ninjutsu, and most of the sorcery and instant cards dealt with arcane and spirits. Legendary had its own theme as well, with 138 unique creatures (139, if you count the other Yamazaki brother) and 39 other permanents, with a number of cards that cared about the supertype. Finally, there were flip cards, a mechanically and visually interesting way of getting more value out of those creatures and introducing a sort of sidequest to your game. 

Kamigawa was gearing up to be something special in Magic. But as I said at the very beginning of this piece, it failed.

The mechanics were kind of a disaster. Splice onto arcane was parasitic and to get any value out of it, you’d need to go all-in on overcosted cards. Bushido, sweep, offering, and most of the rest of the keywords were similarly underwhelming, either providing minuscule value or actively getting in the way of what you wanted to do. Putting the legendary supertype on a card is a downside when Commander doesn’t exist and singleton formats are not a popular way of playing. It doesn’t help that having too many legendary creatures in a set thend to make them feel less special, as well. Flip cards, while cool in theory, wound up being a logistical mess that didn’t add much to the enjoyment of casual games, and barely saw tournament play. All of this meant the cards didn’t really impact Standard, and Limited was a clunky ordeal more often than anyone would have liked. Following Mirrodin block, the most powerful three sets since Urza’s block, was also a tall order, and one that almost no set was equipped to fulfill. 

Admittedly, while I love the card game, I absolutely adore everything else about Magic. The storyline intrigued me when I started playing during Onslaught block, and knowing that there was this vast body of lore kept me hooked. Hearing that there was a Japanese-inspired setting coming up was pure hype for someone who’d also been into anime for years and video games for years before that. The early 00s were an interesting time for entertainment, as Japanese animation had finally infiltrated American mainstream media. Pokémon had been a successful card game for years (another story for another day), and Yu-Gi-Oh had just hit the scene in America after doing well in Japan for a few years. With all this and a burgeoning internet, fans of anime, video games, and Japanese culture had certain expectations. To say Kamigawa did not meet them would be an understatement. 

The general setting was based on an older Japanese culture, one which didn’t see much representation in media. Samurai, ninja, youkai, along with other popular figures and tropes were either later inventions or had a more solidified image hundreds of years after the source material took place. While I remember many Magic the Gathering fans being worried that the game would take on an anime aesthetic to capitalize on what was popular with the wider geek audience, they actually took it in the opposite direction. Instead of bright colors and bold outlines, Kamigawa was a dark and gritty place, which was made even more evident by the increasing demand for realistic detail in the art department. The kami themselves, one half of the conflict, were alien and foreign to behold. These weren’t based on images that otaku would have been familiar with, Japanese or Western, but based on much older stories that had been phased out of the public consciousness.

In short, there is no “in short.” There are many reasons why it didn’t succeed, but ultimately, it came down to being something that no one really expected or wanted. Instead of taking the cheap, easy, and profitable route by leaning into anime culture, Wizards bucked the trend and used a setting that most Magic fans would not have been familiar with, forcing it to fit within the franchise. They also filled the block with parasitic mechanics that were clunky and actively detrimental to play. And yes, I’m leaving out dozens of other reasons why Kamigawa failed, but those are the main ones that I personally feel hurt the setting. 

Sadly, as public-facing employees remind us constantly, Kamigawa is a very difficult sell to the higher-ups. It was one of the company’s biggest failures, and they can’t use tweets and Tumblr asks from enfranchised fans as justifications for its return. And yet, the requests still pour in. I believe that the reasons for this desire are the key to a new set based in Kamigawa. 

Let’s start with the biggest one: Commander. In many ways, this format is kind of the anti-MtG. It’s a long, drawn-out process that uses decks built with your whole collection, rather than the newest releases. Cards that are awful in most other formats are amazing in Commander, and one of the biggest drawbacks a card can have - the Legendary supertype - is a major boon here. It’s also the current most popular format for old and new players alike. I think that more than anything else, Kamigawa’s legendary theme is what draws new players, as Commander enthusiasts will inevitably find some interesting cards that would never have worked well in the old days.

I also think that Wizards of the Coast has learned a lot since 2004 (and whenever they started work on the original block). Remember, Kamigawa was the first of its kind: a real-world inspired setting completely separate from what the entire franchise had been doing for years. There were bound to be mistakes, and they’ve clearly learned how to rectify them. The following setting, Ravnica, used an Eastern European city aesthetic to compliment its two-color guild theme, but was still constrained by the block structure. Upon our return there, they changed the block structure to better fit what the themes and story wanted. On the other hand, Zendikar, their D&D-inspired adventure world, was beloved for its fast and fun mechanics, as well as the feeling of exploration on the cards and in the media. The return, however, involved destroying all of that in favor of an extradimensional war setting. Guilds of Ravnica and Zendikar Rising each supplied what the fans wanted out of those settings, to varying degrees of success. 

Wizards also keeps showing us glimpses into Kamigawa through Core Sets and supplemental products. Tamiyo showed up on Innistrad and Ravnica. They printed new shrines (compatible with the old Honden) in Core 2021. Yuriko, the Tiger’s Shadow, is one of my favorite commanders of all time, and she’s from the 2018 Commander set. They still value the setting, and don’t seem to be interested in ignoring it to the point of obscurity (like, for example, Mercadia). 

And, obviously, there are the rumors. With a blog name like mine, you have to have known this was coming. The three planeswalker concepts from surveys could point to anything: Commander products, supplementary sets, etc. However, I think that the web domains for Kamigawa Neon Dynasty point to a full set of some kind.

Interestingly enough, the events of the original Kamigawa block take place in Magic’s very distant past, so it’s been a tantalizing prospect to see how the place might have changed in the past few thousand years. Skipping over medieval fantasy and bringing it past the present into a cyberpunk future might be an excellent way to go about it. Aesthetics from early 90’s anime could still be stylistically unique in Magic, while keeping elements from the old setting would root us to the original block. I could see the new story centering around a conflict between one faction clinging to ancient traditions and another pushing magical technology to its futuristic limits. After all, Tamiyo still dresses in old-fashioned robes and reads from scrolls, and the moonfolk were known to be almost completely isolated from everyone else. I wonder what the kami would look like, if we even saw them at all.

Ultimately, I think that Wizards is in the perfect spot to try Kamigawa again. Between their worldbuilding experience, the rise of the Commander format, and a willingness to push the aesthetics of their game in different directions, there’s a lot of reason to hope that we’ll be heading back sooner or later. 

Please feel free to let me know if I missed something or got any details wrong. And please discuss what you’d like to see in a return to Kamigawa, either new stuff or old. 

[medical-health-fitness]

5 Signs You’re Angrier Than You Think

Just because you keep your cool doesn’t mean you’re not angry

If you’re the kind of person who likes to think of themselves as calm, cool, and collected, there’s a good chance you’re angrier than you realize (or want to admit).

Reference and article proofread by Healthcare center in NJ

Because anger isn’t a very socially acceptable emotion, many people end up masking it. And sometimes they’ve been masking their anger for so long — and are so good at it — they don’t even realize they’re angry anymore.

But here’s the problem:

No matter how good you are at hiding your anger, it will come out one way or the other.

As a psychologist, I regularly work with people who insist that they’re not angry, only to realize that many of their most unhelpful tendencies and habits result from unexplored anger.

Being angry isn’t a bad thing. But if you’re not self-aware enough to acknowledge it, the side effects can cause a lot of suffering for you and the people in your life.

Here are 5 signs you might actually be angrier than you think and a few suggestions for dealing with that anger healthily.

1. Chronic Anxiety

Many people end up chronically anxious because they’re so afraid of their anger that they’ll take on any amount of stress to avoid it.

On the face of it, people who are chronically anxious look the exact opposite of angry. If anything, they come across as meek, unassuming, or even pushovers.

But here’s the thing…

Just because you don’t look and act angry doesn’t mean you’re not feeling angry.

Anger is a natural human emotion we all feel as a result of injustice or boundary violations. For example:

If a bully steals your lunch at school, it’s natural to feel angry about it.

If you watch a news report of some innocent person being abused or taken advantage of, you’re going to feel angry about it.

If your spouse sarcastically criticizes your outfit, you’re probably going to feel angry about it.

And more than just a sign that some injustice has been committed, anger is also fuel for rectifying it…

Where would the civil rights movement be if no one got angry about slavery and racism?

Where would democracy be if no one got angry at tyranny and fascism?

But many people fear getting angry — or making others angry — so much that they take on huge amounts of stress and anxiety as a result of avoiding the anger.

For example, take the little boy who grew up with an alcoholic and abusive parent… He learned quickly as a kid that expressing his own anger and frustration only got him hurt and abused.

So now, even though he isn’t physically in danger anymore, he’s in the habit of ignoring his anger. As a result, he never stands up for himself…

He takes on way too much work in his job, which keeps him stressed and anxious. All because he’s afraid to express his anger about giving too much work.

He remains in a verbally abusive relationship because he’s afraid of his spouse’s anger and the conflict that would ensue if he stood up for himself. So he’s always worried about upsetting his spouse.

He even has a hard time disciplining his children when he needs to because he’s afraid of his anger and theirs. So he’s constantly stressed and anxious about the way his kids are growing up.

Anxiety is the price of unacknowledged anger.

I encourage people to remember that “no” is a complete sentence.”

― Gavin de Becker

2. Rumination

Just because you’re not angry with other people doesn’t mean you’re not angry. Self-directed anger is a real thing, too — with plenty of destructive consequences if left unchecked.

A lot of people assume they’re not angry because they never get angry with other people. They’re nice, friendly, tolerant, empathetic, and even quite patient when it comes to other people.

And because they rarely get angry at others, they seldom look visibly angry:

They don’t shout or scream

They don’t act out or get aggressive

They don’t lose their cool when things go wrong

But looks can be deceiving…

Some of the angriest people I’ve ever met look like absolute sweethearts to everyone else — even to the people who know them well, like spouses or parents.

How is this possible?

Their anger is self-directed and manifests as an extreme type of negative self-talk called rumination for many people.

Rumination is the mental habit of intensely negative and unproductive self-talk about mistakes or errors in the past.

For example:

An offhand comment by a friend at dinner triggers a memory of a mistake you made in the past, and you spend the rest of your evening dwelling on that mistake and all the negative consequences in your life that came from it.

Your manager at work gives you some specific negative feedback about a recent piece of work, and you spend hours distracted by thoughts and of how you could have done better and why you’re always such a screw-up.

The key insight here is subtle but important:

While rumination often leads to sadness and shame, it’s usually fueled by self-anger.

Because most people identify with the consequences of their rumination habit, they don’t realize how important the role of anger is in their lives.

Remember:

Just because anger isn’t externalized or directed at another person doesn’t mean it’s not there.

And just because your anger isn’t leading to destructive behaviors with others doesn’t mean it isn’t leading to yourself's destructive behaviors.

If you struggle with rumination, self-criticism, or perfectionism, there’s a good chance that becoming more self-aware about your anger will help you escape the cycle.

If you had a person in your life treating you the way you treat yourself, you would have gotten rid of them a long time ago…

― Cheri Huber

3. Passive-Aggressive Communication

People become passive-aggressive when they experience intense anger but are afraid to acknowledge it.

When people are passive-aggressive, they act in an aggressive way to get what they want but try to hide it to avoid taking responsibility for the consequences of their aggression.

Here are a few examples to illustrate:

Chronically being late for appointments or meetings but always having some excuse or another ready to explain it.

“Having” a stomach ache right before you were supposed to meet up with that friend you don’t really like but feel like to have to hang out with occasionally.

Doing work poorly around the office so that someone else ends up doing it.

The problem with this habit of passive-aggressive behavior is that it doesn’t really work — not in the long run…

Eventually, you begin to be perceived as flaky, unreliable, and irresponsible by key people in your life. And as a result, your relationships suffer, and you feel more and more isolated and alone.

What’s more, on a deep level, you perceive yourself this way too. The result is chronic low self-esteem, shame, and self-loathing.

The only way out of this cycle of passive-aggression is to practice being more assertive. This means learning to acknowledge your anger and frustration and act on it when appropriate. But to do it in a way that’s both honest to your own wants and needs but also respectful of those of others.

Becoming more assertive doesn’t mean denying your anger. It means acknowledging it and validating it to deal with it in a healthy way instead of “coming out” in unhealthy ways.

Assertiveness isn’t about building a good disguise. It’s about developing the courage to take the disguise off.

— Randy Paterson

4. Venting

Venting, complaining, bitching, whining… call it whatever you want. But at the end of the way, if you’re doing it a lot, you’re probably more angry than you realize.

Do you vent a lot with friends, family, or coworkers? If so, that might be a good indicator that you’ve got a lot more unacknowledged anger and frustration in your life than you realize.

See, for a long-time, the way psychologists thought and talked about anger was that it was a kind of toxic substance that had to be released or else it would be harmful. As a result, the idea of “venting” your anger became popularized and encouraged by many therapists, counselors, and advisors.

Unfortunately, it turns out the whole cathartic theory of anger is a complete myth. And worse than that, simply venting your anger only intensifies it in the long run.

The healthiest way to deal with anger is to acknowledge it, validate it, act on it assertively if you need to or just let it be if you don’t.

This means that if you’re the kind of person who vents a lot or labels yourself a chronic complainer, the better strategy is to A) get better at acknowledging your anger or frustrations, and B) Either do something about them or let them go.

We like to vent because it gives us the illusion of working on things. But it doesn’t actually address the issues making you frustrated in the first place. And even though it might feel good at the moment to vent, it only keeps those flames burning longer in the end.

Remember, it’s perfectly healthy to feel frustrated and angry. But how you deal with those feelings can be very unhealthy.

To complain is always nonacceptance of what is… When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”

― Eckhart Tolle

5. Hypercriticism

Many people mask their anger by expressing it in the form of coolly intellectual criticism of others.

If you tend to be overly critical or judgmental of other people, that might be a sign that you’ve got some unacknowledged anger to explore.

Here’s how it works…

Often people feel bad about themselves in some big way — maybe they’re afraid to make a big life-change, for example, even though they know it’s the right thing for them to do.

This pain or inadequacy hurts, of course. But over time, what’s even worse, is the guilt and shame they feel for not doing anything about it even though they know they should.

Eventually, this guilt and shame become self-directed anger and resentment. But still, they feel stuck…

To temporarily alleviate all of this negativity, they resort to criticizing or judging others as a kind of coping mechanism for their own low self-esteem.

Because when you criticize someone else, you implicitly communicate that you know better, which temporarily makes you feel good about yourself.

Of course, this judgment ness becomes one more thing to feel bad about yourself for in the long-run.

The thing is… many people who are in this habit of being judgmental of others look the opposite of angry — they seem cool and detached in an intellectual or hyper-analytical way.

But here’s the thing…

This cool intellectual criticism of others is often just a mask for our own insecurities and self-directed anger.

You can only deal with your insecurities and self-anger if you know it and are willing to explore it. And your habit of being critical of others may not subside until you address this core motivator for it.

The self-righteous scream judgments against others to hide the noise of skeletons dancing in their own closets.

― John Mark Green

All You Need to Know

There’s nothing wrong with being angry. It’s a normal human emotion and has a great many important functions. But if you’re in denial about your anger, that’s when you can get into trouble.

These 5 signs are useful indicators to help you explore the role that anger may or may not play in your life:

Chronic Anxiety

Rumination

Passive-Aggressive Communication

Venting

Hypercriticism

[lvgvs]

ramblings & metas. Once I am done with devouring all Grisha books I definitely need to re-watch Fate and pay closer attention to the flaws in Sky’s character, because I have thoughts and I need scenes to prove them. 

The way he approaches Bloom in the first episode? He’s a player. He’d never admit it to himself but he has a certain social standing within the hierarchy of Alfea that definitely went to his head. He does not present himself as one of the good guys, which is more than different to the way we see him in the rest of the series. 

The way he mistreats Riven? The way he judges them both by different standards, only to be the one who’s always doing the right thing? I think that one scene between him and Riven, the fight, where he questions “What does that make me?” and Riven replies with “The guy that always thinks he’s better than me” It shows the one thing that is going wrong in their friendship, the truth only Riven seems to be able to see. Sky constantly judges Riven, he has made his mind up about the other a long time ago, and when Riven tries to prove that he’s a good guy (a lot better than Sky, though ultimately just as flawed), Sky ignores him, brushes his attempts off. Riven’s the bad guy in his mind and he does not aknowledge the possibility of him being a good friend, a better friend than he deserves. We can clearly see this in the scenes after Silva has been attacked and Riven tries to be there for Sky but he can’t even finish his sentence before Sky brushes it off.

Sky believes / acts as if Riven is never taking anything seriously but in truth it is Sky that does not take Riven seriously, does not take the time and attention to look behind the other’s facade, which is sad considering how much time they are spending together. But Sky needs Riven. He uses him as a bad example, the messed up kid that makes him look bigger and better in comparison. Riven’s the shadows that make Sky seem to be shining brighter. And the fact that Sky uses that, maybe not deliberate, but more than once shows what a terrible friend he truly is. 

The way he treats Stella in general? He goes back and forth when it comes to her, claiming to be on her side, abandoning her when she needs him the most, shutting her out of his life, and clearly showing her that - despite claiming he would be there for her when her mother arrives - Bloom comes first and will now always be first, even if Bloom herself is not aknowledging any relationship with Sky.

Essentially Sky’s a terrible person around the people he claims to care about and I think that is because he so carefully crafts the image he has of himself and that he shows to other people. He’s this legendary person, this golden boy that can do nothing wrong. The hero. So whenever he does do something wrong, it happens to everyone, mistakes are human, he cannot rectify them, cannot admit them to himself. Because admitting them would make them real and the last thing he wants is other people seeing through his charade. If he is not that perfect soldier what else is there for him to be? A shadow of his father? Someone without a compass, without a reason? An empty shell? Sky radiates self-confidence to the point of arrogance so no one questions him, looks behind his many masks. He’s an actor constantly afraid someone will realise he’s just a fraud, a bad copy of the great Andreas.

I blame this partially on his upbringing, because he has heard nothing but praise for his father his entire life, nothing but pressure upon his shoulders to become just as grand, just as radiating, just as true, and heroic. Saul might have tried to turn him into a better person but in doing so, in creating this image that needs to be achieved, he has put too much on his shoulders. The picture of the great man, the good hero, is far from reality and therefore Sky cannot achieve the level of perfection he thinks he needs. He fakes it, knowing he will never make it, and sooner or later he will crumble. 

He says it himself in that scene with Bloom before their first kiss, he’s a fixer because he cannot pay attention to the many ways in which he himself is broken. He is too scared, too weak, to battle his own demons so he has to find them somewhere else. He needs to learn to face his flaws, his mistakes, the ways in which he mistreats people and actively chases them away before he ends up all alone. There are great relationships around him, the friendships he could have with both Stella and Riven, but he must open his eyes to see them. And I swear to the gods if Season 2 will not give me that character development I will have to do it myself.

[discyours]

I’ve been seeing a lot more discourse about pronouns lately and I wanted to give my input, because I don’t think I’ve been nuanced enough when I’ve talked about it in the past. 

Gendered pronouns convey a message. That message can either be about sex or gender identity depending on what circle you’re in, though obviously the radfem stance is that gender identity should never take priority over sex. I’ve continued to use trans people’s preferred pronouns (with the exceptions of rapists/pedophiles) not because I think that sex doesn’t matter, but because I don’t think it's always relevant. I remember one of the last times my brother called me she, right before I was fully out. It had something to do with him being asked to pass me the sugar while we were having tea with my grandmother. It’s an exceptionally mundane example, but it’s the clearest explanation I can give for the stance I’ve had on pronouns. I don’t believe trans people’s sex is relevant when you’re talking about passing them sugar. I don’t believe there’s any point in making someone dysphoric in a conversation about tea condiments. 

The issue is that you have to draw a line somewhere. And admittedly I haven’t always drawn that line in the right place, for a few simple reasons. To be perfectly honest, I project my own feelings onto other trans people. I know the extreme distress that being called she used to cause me, and the discomfort it still causes now. I do not want to make other people feel that way if it’s at all avoidable. I also project my own reasoning onto them. I know that I’m aware of my sex and just don’t want to be constantly reminded of it. A million hes still wouldn’t make me think that I’m genuinely male, and I often forget that for other trans people pronouns do play into certain (harmful) beliefs about sex and gender identity. 

But most of all I see a use in using people’s preferred pronouns because pronouns do not just send a message about gender identity or sex. They send a message about your stance on gender identity, about the degree to which you’re willing to respect people’s wishes even if you disagree with them. And that’s... not fair, honestly. It’s not fair to expect people who genuinely believe that sex is more important than gender identity to throw that belief away during everyday conversations out of “respect”. It’s not fair to label people as bigots for refusing to directly contradict their own beliefs, but it’s the reality. If I ever get around to making a video explaining the basics of gender critical ideology and refer to a trans woman as a he in it, half the people watching will instantly click away as a result. Maybe that’s not fair but it’s a result that has to be weighed, and I don’t think it’s worth it to alienate people who are still of the belief that it’s violently transphobic to “misgender” people from learning otherwise by refusing to make small concessions. 

That is to say, I don’t think it’s worth it for everyone to do that. Radical feminism is inherently uncompromising but I do believe we owe it to women to create ways that make it easier for them to start learning about it, without instantly being put off by the things that their current environment has told them are evil. I don’t mean that by blatantly erasing the core of the movement to make it more palatable - “radical feminists just want equality too” - but rather by using language that doesn’t instinctively set off red flags for them. Which can mean calling trans women male or DMAB rather than men, and using preferred pronouns. 

The grave mistake I’ve made in this is not being clear enough about why I do this and how I see it fitting into radical feminism as a whole. My approach may have worked as intended in making some people more comfortable learning about radical feminism and gender critical ideology, but it’s also put a lot of people in the mindset that radical feminists who don’t make these concessions are needlessly rude. There’s a line to be drawn in making sure you don’t water down an ideology in the process of making it more accessible, and I drew it wrong. I feel worse about that the more it sinks in and I have to do what I can to rectify it. 

So let me be clear, biological sex is extremely important within radical feminism. It’s the basis of women’s oppression and the expectation that everyone should be able to suspend some of the language that describes it, if only in certain situations, is not just unrealistic but completely unreasonable. I may make concessions but it would make not sense for everyone to do so, for there not to be a single person left who is unwilling to suspend reality for other people’s sense of comfort. There will always be a need for people who are entirely uncompromising in their acknowledgement of biological reality and I don’t want my “nicefem” approach, nor my trans experience to get in the way of people knowing that I entirely support that.