"get out of here, you fool," but no, that's not right, i'm the fool. i'm the fool because i chose to come here, i'm the fool because i stay by your side even though you hate it, hate me. i'm the fool because i trusted too much, i always trust too much, and i'm never trusted in turn. that's what brought us here, to this point, isn't it? i became a fool the second i chose to fight besides you instead of against you. with my eyes closed, i became a fool when i gave you my word and with it, turned the edge of the sword towards me. before i knew it, the world saw me as a fool, and all false pretenses fell as i rushed to you. as i laid down my life for you. as his words echoed inside my head, saying "this is how it should be, this is what it was all for." and as you leave me behind, as i give my last breath to you, i realize it– he played me like a fool.
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If i had a nickel for every time a Port Mafia assassin was conviced to stop killing by someone who can turn into a cat so they could learn the value of life, died saving someone, and started to protect/take care of a child in the middle of a abilities conflict, i would have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.
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Kyouka being sick while in the port mafia, feverish and delirious and asking for her parents, and all Akutagawa can see is a younger Gin, sick and helpless while they were starving on the streets, and for once he lets himself care for her, hoping she won't remember when she's well again because he knows he'll shatter his image as a ruthless killer, that he'll never be feared or respected again.
Kyouka being sick while in the agency, feverish and delirious while Atsushi takes care of her, and she mistakes him for Akutagawa, but instead of being afraid, she mumbles something along the lines of "It's okay, I won't tell anyone."
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The glow up from the Vol 9 cover to Vol 20. The way Atsushis hand is wrapped in Akutagawas ability…you guys don’t understand, it literally changed my life
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Me: You see if i hyperfixated on my other favourite characters of bsd (Chuuya, akutagawa) it'd be so intense that I would not be able to handle it so thats why i went for the safe bet and decided to go mad over Kunikida, Ango and Katai..........
My brain: you still can't handle it though
Me: i still can't handle it though
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i need more shin soukoku songs for my playlist if anyone has any or wants to link their own playlist pls hmu
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I've just been staring at my my copy of Vol. 20 that came in the mail today with the page open on *The* panel.
This is how I cope.
Every Akutagawa fan right now
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thinking about how when even in an alternate universe dazai still didn’t choose akutagawa
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now if i were rating the songs in terms of LYRICS specifically then
atsushi & akutagawa
dazai
chuuya
tanizaki
kunikida
ranpo & kajii & kenji
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I'm sad that transfem Tachihara is such an uncommon hc bc when I say I like Tachihigugin/Tachigin/Tachihigu w/o specifying, there's always someone who thinks I'm #hetero-ifying them and I become so distraught
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