#akatsuki look unimpressed

[ksketch731]

Uniform date ~

[6azia]

02| Blood Hidan/YN

—summary. (Y/N)’s expression didn’t change, though his eyes gleamed with cruel amusement. “You’ll have your chance for bloodshed. Patience is a virtue, even for those like us.” Or (Y/N) and Hidan go out alone w/ opposite temper

—content warning. Lil blood, jashinism(I think), bottom (Y/N), top hidan, forst se-, no aftercare

—word count. ~3,2k

—azia's notes. The smut will hopefully get better and sry posting late forgot

𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔨𝔱𝔬𝔟𝔢𝔯-𝔏𝔦𝔰𝔱

The flickering light of a nearby torch cast long shadows on the walls of the old black market outpost. The air was thick with the pungent scent of iron, smoke, and unspoken deals. (Y|N) leaned casually against a wooden beam, his cold eyes scanning the crowded underground marketplace. This wasn’t the usual task he relished-gathering information, cutting deals, restocking supplies for the Akatsuki-but it needed to be done.

Beside him, Hidan huffed impatiently, his scythe propped against his shoulder, clearly not thrilled about the errand either.

“I can’t believe they sent us out here for this,” Hidan grumbled, sneering at the merchants and shady dealers surrounding them. “Weapons and info? This is grunt work. I don’t see why we couldn’t just slaughter the lot of ‘em and take whatever we need.”

(Y|N) took a tired puff of his cigar, an unsettling glint in the tired eyes of his that always seemed to unnerve even his closest allies only looked unimpressed at the Jashinist. “There’s a time for slaughter and a time for... subtlety, Hidan. We need these weapons suppliers alive if we want to stay well-equipped. And more importantly,” he paused, his voice dropping to a whisper, “we need information about Orochimaru’s movements. He’s been slippery ever since he left the Akatsuki. We can’t afford to be rash.”

Hidan scoffed. “You and your damn subtlety. All I hear is excuses not to get blood on our hands.”

(Y|N)’s expression didn’t change, though his eyes gleamed with cruel amusement. “You’ll have your chance for bloodshed. Patience is a virtue, even for those like us.”

The pair moved deeper into the market, the dim lighting creating a maze of shadowed corners and narrow alleyways lined with weapon stands and black-market traders. A few of the dealers eyed them warily. Most recognized (Y|N) immediately—his reputation as a trafficker and mercenary for the Akatsuki was well known in the underworld. Hidan, however, drew attention for an entirely different reason. His imposing figure and the gleaming, three-bladed scythe on his back left no room for doubt that violence was never far from him.

(Y|N) led the way toward a secluded corner, where a large, bald man with a scarred face and an array of high-quality blades spread across his stall stood waiting. He was one of (Y|N)’s contacts, a reliable supplier of rare and powerful weapons. (Y|N) knew he could trust the man to provide what they needed without asking too many questions.

“We need resupply,” He said smoothly, puffing a big cloud out, his voice low and raspy as always. “And you know how I feel about prices. Don’t test me today.”

The merchant nodded nervously, his eyes darting between the merchant and Hidan. “Of course, of course. Same deal as always. High-quality blades, kunai, and some specialty weapons. I’ve got what you need. Just came in yesterday.”

(Y|N) raised a brow, his gaze narrowing. “You mentioned specialty weapons. Anything... exotic?”

The merchant leaned forward, lowering his voice to a whisper. “I’ve got something from one of Orochimaru’s old labs. Don’t ask how I got it, but it’s dangerous. Experimental. Might be useful if you’re looking for an edge.”

Hidan’s interest piqued at the mention of Orochimaru. “Tch, the snake freak. Let me guess, more of his weird science projects?”

(Y|N) stepped closer, eyes gleaming. “Show me.”

The merchant carefully pulled out a small, sealed container from beneath his stall. Inside were a series of small, dark-metal darts, each laced with what appeared to be a faint purple toxin. “Poison-coated. Something designed to paralyse the chakra network completely. No known antidote yet.”

(Y|N) smile widened. “Perfect.”

While (Y|N) inspected the weaponry, Hidan tapped his foot impatiently. “Alright, we’ve got the weapons. Now, where’s this info on Orochimaru? That’s what I’m more interested in. I wanna know where that bastard is hiding so I can offer him up to Jashin.”

The merchant gulped. “Information on Orochimaru... it’s risky, but I’ve heard rumors. Word on the street is he’s set up some hidden lab in the Land of Rivers, experimenting on a new batch of test subjects. Something about creating the perfect vessel. That’s all I know, I swear.”

(Y|N) tilted his head, digesting the information. Orochimaru had always been obsessed with immortality and power, but the mention of a "perfect vessel" piqued his interest. His ties with Orochimaru from the old days still lingered like a ghost, though he had no loyalty left to the snake. If anything, his curiosity was purely strategic.

“He’s experimenting again, is he?” He murmured, more to himself than anyone else. “And he’s in the Land of Rivers... intriguing.”

Hidan growled in frustration. “Enough talk. Are we going after him or not? The Akatsuki wants him dealt with, and I want to tear him apart.”

(Y|N) chuckled darkly. “Soon, Hidan, soon. But Orochimaru isn’t a target we can just rush into. We need more information before we make a move. We know where he is, but we need to know what he’s working on. If he’s preparing something big, we’ll want to hit him at the right moment.”

Hidan rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. As much as he hated (Y|N)’s cautious approach, even he had to admit that Orochimaru was no ordinary target. Still, the anticipation of the coming bloodshed was enough to keep him satisfied-for now.

The two gathered the weapons and prepared to leave the market. (Y|N), ever calm, carried himself with his usual air of eerie control, while Hidan was already imagining the chaos and destruction that would follow once they tracked down Orochimaru.

As they moved through the dim alleys, (Y|N) took another breath and spoke again, his voice low and sinister. “Orochimaru’s obsession with immortality has made him reckless. The more he experiments, the more mistakes he makes. And mistakes, Hidan... those are what we’ll use to bring him down.”

Hidan grinned, his bloodlust barely contained. “I don’t care how we do it. As long as I get to see him bleed.”

(Y|N)’s cold eyes glinted in the shadows. “Oh, you will. But not before we get what we need from him. Patience, Hidan. This is a game of serpents, and only one of us will survive.”

As the two Akatsuki members disappeared into the misty night, the black-market dealers whispered amongst themselves, fearful of the violence that always seemed to follow the Akatsuki duo wherever they went. Somewhere in the Land of Rivers, Orochimaru was already preparing his next twisted experiment, unaware that the shadows were closing in around him.

The mission to track down Orochimaru had stretched far longer than either of them expected. Days turned into weeks as they traversed the desolate forests of the Land of Rivers, inching closer to Orochimaru's elusive hideout. Along the way, the tension between the two Akatsuki members shifted in strange, unexpected ways.

At first, their relationship had been purely one of necessity. (Y|N)’s calculating mind, always several steps ahead, grated against Hidan’s impulsive nature. Where Hidan sought the immediate satisfaction of blood and chaos, (Y|N) lived for the slow, methodical game. It was a dynamic that kept them clashing. But over time, something began to change.

In the stillness of their nights on the road, as the moonlight filtered through the trees and the crackling of their campfire provided the only noise, Hidan found himself watching his partner. The way the older man’s dark eyes flickered with an unfathomable intelligence. The way his pale hands moved with unsettling grace as he prepared poisons or sharpened his blades. The way he basked into the smoke of his expensive cigars. The way the smoke danced from his plump lips to his imposing figure. There was something hypnotic about (Y|N)’s calmness, his eerie confidence in every situation, that drew Hidan in-though he would never admit it.

One night, as they set up camp, Hidan threw his scythe against a nearby tree and sat by the fire, his frustration more palpable than usual. “This is taking too damn long,” he growled, rubbing a hand through his silver hair. “We’ve been out here for weeks, and still no sign of that snake bastard.”

The other whitehead sat across from him, a small smile playing on his lips as he lightened himself another cigar. “Patience, Hidan. Orochimaru is a slippery one, but he can’t hide forever. The longer we wait, the more careless he becomes.”

Hidan glared at him. “You and your patience. I’m getting tired of this game. I need something-literally anything-to keep me from going crazy out here.”

(Y|N) looked up from his bingo book, his gaze locking onto Hidan’s with that unsettling calm. “Going crazy? Or are you just craving blood again?”

Hidan snorted. “You think I can’t handle a little waiting? I’m not some child who needs to be distracted. It’s just that... all this sneaking around, it’s not my style.”

(Y|N)’s smirk deepened, his eyes glittering with amusement. “No, it’s not. But maybe that’s why you’re so fascinated by me.” He blew a small cloud to the Jashinist.

Hidan’s expression darkened, his fist clenching at the insinuation. “Fascinated? By you? Don’t flatter yourself, old man.”

(Y|N)’s voice lowered, almost to a whisper, as he leaned forward slightly, his gaze never leaving Hidan’s. “Oh, I think you are. You’re drawn to things you don’t understand, Hidan. You crave destruction and blood, but there’s something about control—about subtlety—that intrigues you, even if you won’t admit it.”

Hidan opened his mouth to retort, but something in (Y|N)’s gaze made the words die in his throat. There was a tension between them that hadn’t been there before. Something unspoken, simmering beneath the surface.

Hidan shifted, uncomfortable with the strange heat building between them. “You think you know me? You think you can analyze me like one of your little experiments?”

(Y|N) chuckled softly, the sound dark and almost mocking. “You’re more predictable than you realise.”

That was enough to set Hidan off. He stood abruptly, crossing the small distance between them and grabbing (Y|N) by the collar of his robe. “You think I’m predictable?” he growled, pulling (Y|N) closer. Hidan's nostrils filled with smokey and earthy smell of (Y|N), unknowingly memorising it.“Then why don’t you tell me what I’m gonna do next, huh?”

(Y|N)’s smile didn’t waver, even as Hidan’s grip tightened. His voice remained low and calm, like a snake coiled and ready to strike. “You’re going to kiss me.”

The words hit Hidan like a punch to the gut. His eyes widened in shock, but his grip didn’t loosen. Instead, his breath quickened, the intensity of the moment pressing down on him like a vice. He could feel (Y|N)’s calm heartbeat under his fingers, and for the first time in as long as he could remember, Hidan didn’t know what to do next.

And yet, the tension between them was undeniable.

With a low growl, Hidan yanked (Y|N) closer, their faces inches apart. His mind was racing, but his body moved on instinct. Without thinking, he pressed his lips against (Y|N)’s in a fierce, almost violent kiss. It wasn’t soft or tender; it was raw, a clash of heat and intensity as their lips collided.

(Y|N), to Hidan’s surprise, responded in kind. His lips were too hot at first, but they cooled down quickly as the kiss deepened. (Y|N)’s hands slid up Hidan’s arms, pulling him closer, and for a moment, the two of them were locked in a battle of control and surrender. It was a power struggle, just like everything else between them, but this time it was played out in the intimacy of their kiss.

Hidan’s mind was a whirlwind of emotions-confusion, anger, desire-but he didn’t pull away. His grip on (Y|N)’s collar loosened, and his hands moved to the back of (Y|N)’s neck, pulling him even closer. The kiss grew more intense, more desperate, as if they were both trying to prove something to each other through the sheer force of their lips.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they broke apart, both of them breathing heavily. Hidan’s eyes were wild, his heart racing. He couldn’t believe what had just happened, and yet, at the same time, it felt inevitable.

(Y|N), as usual, was calm. His dark eyes gleamed with that same eerie amusement, though there was a flicker of something else in his gaze-something darker, more primal. “I told you,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re predictable.”

Hidan, still breathless, glared at him. “Shut up. That didn’t mean anything.”

(Y|N) chuckled softly, his fingers brushing against Hidan’s neck before pulling away. “Whatever you say, Hidan. But you and I both know... this changes things.”

Hidan’s fists clenched, but he didn’t respond. He didn’t have the words, didn’t have the energy to argue. All he knew was that something between them had shifted, something that neither of them could ignore. He could still taste Isa on his lips, could still feel the heat of the kiss lingering between them.

(Y|N) stood, smoothing out his robe as if nothing had happened. “Rest up. We’ll continue the search tomorrow.”

Hidan watched him for a moment, his mind still reeling from the kiss, but he said nothing. For once, Hidan didn’t have a retort, didn’t have a smart-ass comment. He just stood there, feeling a mix of emotions he didn’t fully understand.

As (Y/N) walked away, disappearing into the shadows beyond the fire, Hidan felt a strange pull in his chest. It wasn’t love-he didn’t believe in that crap;but there was something between them now, something that couldn’t be undone.

And for the first time, Hidan found himself craving more than just blood. (Y|N) took the hint and stepped closer; their bodies now flush against each other. Both letting a sight slip out at their proximity. It wasn’t unusual for them to be close to each other, however the unsaid promise of more hung heavy in the air.

”I really fucking hate you, old man” Hidan breathed out and gripped the hair on the back of (Y|N) head. The laters head got pushed back, exposing the tender flesh to the Jashinist. “Just try to be quiet” was whispered around the exposed flesh and a moan was pulled off the old man’s throat as Hidan parted his thin lips to lightly suck on the blemished skin.

The cigar fell out of (Y|N)’s hands but he didn’t seem to care. His hands gripped the front of Hidan’s cloak, trying to get the warm material off him. Hidan only chuckled and unexpectedly bit down on the place where the neck and shoulder met. He stayed in that position even as (Y|N) tried to push him off and even insult him, which didn’t really happen often.

Hidan’s color started to change and the two started to feel the desires of the other more pronounced. “Hah-didn’t think I would do that now, old man” Hidan mumbled on the latter neck while lapping on the hot blood oozing out. (Y|N) tried to keep his composure but it was hard when feeling every little thing his partner felt. Hidan’s hard on was pressing against the others, his hips moving experimentally and nearly buckling in from the immense pleasures. It was one thing feeling his own pleasure; but feeling the others too was something else.

“Hurry up!” (Y|N) breathed out impatiently, hooking his now free hand on the other's waistband. Hidan let a groan out and started to kiss other parts of (Y|N) neck.

After struggling with their clothes Hidan caged the older man more, letting their hard dicks stimulate each other.

“Shut up” Hidan muttered, too fixed to not crumble from the fireworks of his feelings. He hooked one hand around the other's leg, so he would get access. (Y/N) could only take a small shallow breath, not expecting Hidan sudden thrust. The whitehead stayed still by the sudden burning sensation and the other frowned at him. Their faces are contoured by pain and pleasure alike.

Not long the accumulated pre from the top let him move slowly, however he didn't get far with (Y/N)’s leg hooking around him. So he stayed still to let the other adjust. At that peaceful moment he swore quietly while rocking his hips to his ability. With that earning a deep moan in return and a mind numbing he knew they both shared. “P-please, move” His partner mumbled barely audibly. Hidan only huffed and gripped the leg which was trapping him with, accidentally, too much force.

His mind still hasn’t wrapped around the fact that he would feel every single thing he would do to the other, so naturally knees buckled at the feeling of someone breaching him and gripping him with a strength he didn’t know he possessed. It nearly made him let go, however the pained expression on the other let him continue. “Hah- don’t be such a pussy. Can’t even handle a bit of pain?” Hidan managed to hiss, what surprised him was the tight squeeze from (Y/N).

“Fuck-What a sick fucker you are, I bet you would get off if the Akatsuki saw you like that” The white head chuckled. (Y/N) closed his eyes in shame and slowly tried to rock his hips. His cock could even feel a hint of warmth, however it couldn't compare to his hot face while they did this sinful act. Hidan didn’t even really start to thrust and (Y/N) already cummed on their remaining clothes, without much warning.

Just as he wanted to swear he was hit with the same back arching pleasure. With a deep thrust he emptied himself. The both of them were left with a warm fuzzy feeling. While (Y/N) was just basking into the afterglow, Hidan let him nearly collapse.

“Help would be nice, ya know!” (Y/N) tried to frown and look intimidating. Hidan let a huff out and looked down at the once serious man, who now is looking with a beat red face and big eyes at the slowly normal turning skin of his. Hidan really could get used to having someone looking at him with such eyes and not robot-like ones that wanna kill him at every minute.

After coming down he looked down at the now sitting partner and he realised if he focused enough he could even see some dried tears in those once sharp eyes. Hidan only smiled at this and went to lie down too, deciding that being the best solution with (Y/N) still cock drunk.

The sky was already dark, so why not sleep a bit and just pray to Jashin-sama that no enemy shinobi tries to rob them. Or should others come, Hidan really needs some more sacrifices. With one last thought the white head's eyes grew heavy and he fell asleep into a dreamless dream, without a second glance at the other.

[navigatorsghost]

Okay so we were all weirded out by that scene in Naruto where Kisame meets Itachi, but it left me wondering - does our dude introduce himself to everyone he meets with Creepy Shark Facts?

And then this happened, because scorpions have interesting childcare habits and why should Kisame get to be the only one with baby-critter trivia to share. Ficsnippet below the cut, set directly following Deidara's Akatsuki recruitment (like, same night two hours later, sort of thing).

(Edited to add: this ficlet has a sequel now btw, check the reblogs!)

~~~

"Did you know," Kisame said, "that sand tiger sharks start out as eggs, but incubate and hatch before birth? But the number of pups is always less than the number of eggs that were fertilized. Can you imagine why that is?"

Deidara chose not to prompt him with a reply, but the older shinobi continued anyway. "Cannibalism. The pups start eating each other within the mother's womb when they hatch. They begin killing their siblings the moment they enter the world, viewing everything they see as nothing more than prey." He smiled, showing off his snaggle teeth.

"Fascinating," Sasori said, in tones that suggested anything but. His beady eyes fixed Kisame with a look so unimpressed it verged on outright disdain. "Did you know that baby scorpions hatch before birth, too? But they're born soft and vulnerable, so until they develop hardened exoskeletons to protect them, the mother collects them up and carries them on her back to keep them safe." His gravelly voice softened a little as he finished speaking.

Deidara looked up at Sasori's crouching bulk beside him where he sat, and shifted a little further away from Kisame and closer to the puppeteer. "I think I like your natural history facts better, Sasori no danna, un."

Kisame only laughed. "Hmph," Sasori commented, but he unobtrusively shuffled closer to Deidara in turn, his long steel tail curling around behind Deidara's back.

Deidara didn't flinch away, despite guessing that Sasori's sting was every bit as lethal as a scorpion's should be. He might not consider himself a baby anything - he was a jōnin, his age notwithstanding - but between a not-so-subtle warning and a quiet counter-offer of backup, he wasn't stupid enough to pick the wrong side.

There was an odd vulnerability hidden in what Sasori had said, though. Kisame's threat felt typical enough for a hardened killer, if weirder than Deidara would've expected to hear in Iwa; but aligning yourself with a creature that needed protection in its weakness and in turn extended protection of its own was a strange look on a missing-nin. Deidara wondered what that said about the man to whom he'd been so arbitrarily handed.

Well, he thought ruefully, it seemed he'd have plenty of time to find out.

[sagemoderocklee]

song lyrics for the fic title thing

>Hold the line Love isn't always on time (hold the line)

>I'm fearless now But it cost my soul (killer)

>Take my heart, don't lose it or To know you is to love you (cheri cheri lady)

> And thinking of someone for whom he still burns or He's haunted by something he cannot define (the distance)

>I don't care if it hurts me I wanna be worthy or And made sure you never see Any ugly from me (my ugly)

woah anon you really came ready to provide distractions thank you i love you

long so under a cut and boy was this a challenge to come up with ideas for all these! thank you anon! i had so much fun with this and i hope you like the ideas i came up with

hold the line love isn't always on time definitely gettin a late in life romance vibe from this one. gaara is finally set to retire from being Kazekage. he's 40 years old but feels fucking ancient because of all the obvious reasons--living weapon, child soldier, died at 15 and resurrected, host of a tailed beast, Kazekage since 14 and so on. not to mention changing the very foundations of Suna and shinobi life. he's done a lot. he can step down and let his niece take over as the last true Kazekage because with her things are finally truly changing and he knows she'll make him proud...Gaara is definitely ready for a reprieve from it all, but then his niece still needs his support and guidance so okay maybe his retirement doesn't actually start right when he wants it to and maybe he's 45 when he's finally, truly DONE with it all and can fucking breathe and experience things he's otherwise only indulged in in secrecy and in the most fleeting moments... maybe now he's not Kazekage he can finally just live. live for himself for once. and in living for himself he take a vacation and runs into Lee who retired years earlier due to his body just giving out from all those years of using the Gates, and maybe Gaara'd told himself he was too old for love to find him now and maybe he'd lied to himself and said he was okay with never having a proper lover, a proper romance--it was always secret trysts with other closeted diplomats and dignitaries; it was never anything real. but here's Rock Lee, long time friend, one time opponent, and he's looking at Gaara like he's the reason the stars shine so bright and maybe, just maybe he's not too old after all

I'm fearless now But it cost my soul Lee's always wanted to be like everyone else. able to do ninjutsu, able to be a normal shinobi. but everything comes with a price and wishing to be just like everyone else means losing what makes him him... history rewrites itself. Lee and Gai were never close; Lee and Neji never had a feud, and so their friendship was never all that strong; Tenten and Lee are perfectly fine, there's really not much difference there surprisingly... but then it gets to the memories of his match with Gaara and.. he'd lost that, just like he did before only... it had been unimpressive. his loss is instant, he wasn't disabled by it and he didn't prove anything to anyone, least of all gaara... and that had made all the difference. Gaara was less fractured, less volatile without his fight with Lee. And he'd been less open to changing his ways when he and Naruto faced each other. without Lee's influence, Gaara had still been the child-monster and with it comes the death of a loved one, and Lee wants to stop it all. he wants to take back his wish, he wants to go back to being different, to being what he'd been before. but he's 25 years old and he cant rewrite the past a second time, can he? is gaara even the kazekage? is he even still alive--after all, Akatsuki had kidnapped Gaara and killed him--only, Lee doesn't remember that ever happening. In fact, Temari is the Kazekage and Lee has to race to figure out just how different the world is and how he can right what he's wronged. eventually he finds Gaara, who'd abandoned Suna completely and is still just as unstable as before but... there's something there and Lee knows without a shadow of a doubt he can reach Gaara, he just has to be the man he was before his stupid wish. He just has to be the genius of hard work he used to be.

Take my heart, don't lose it or To know you is to love you mhm this one's giving me trouble. these two dont really feel like a connected story, and i think i vibe more with the first one as a title overall.... okay okay going in a completely different direction than what i was expecting. we're gonna go a like dark fairy tale route wit this one and really literalize the title. so like gaara is ya now this royal who's gotta get married to some other royal because politics but he's in love with lee, so he gifts lee his actual heart to keep safe. Lee's probably Gaara's guard so they have their secret lover's meetings and Lee always gives Gaara his heart back for those and then takes it with him when he leaves so gaara can bear being married to someone else. it's awful for lee to watch gaara be married to this other person and to know he's sleeping with her and starting a family and so on, but he still has what matters--Gaara's love. but without his heart Gaara's not the ruler he was before, the ruler he'd promised to be, and there's a plot against Gaara and Lee knows the only way to save him is to return his heart to him permanently but someone has taken Gaara's heart--his wife, because she's jealous and angry that Gaara has never loved her and thinks she can make him love her by holding it. and ultimately Lee has to fight to save Gaara's life, get his heart back, and return it to him so he can lead the kingdom as he wanted, and also be willing to risk their relationship in the process. it'll probably work out in the end but it's me so it'll depend on what makes the most sense but that's my idea for that! and like you could def do a oneshot with the other title. just something sweet and cute with gaara and lee, and falling in love bu i dont feel like i have any real revolutionary ideas for that one

And thinking of someone for whom he still burns or He's haunted by something he cannot define ok first title def feels like a fic about jealousy like gaara being jealous of Lee once having a crush on sakura, maybe he knows they slept together once and has this like horrible, destructive fantasy of how much better off Lee would be with her over him... like Lee and Sakura's hypothetical kids and so on. whereas the second title could be like from Lee's pov and him as an outsider to gaara's internal woes not understanding what it is that's constantly coming between him and Gaara. ultimately feels like two short fics that are left with unresolved tensions between them and a question hanging over them about whether or not they can make this work

I don't care if it hurts me I wanna be worthy or And made sure you never see Any ugly from me this one feels like it could be like a short lil series of snapshots from both lee and gaara's perspective just them like struggling with their respective issues surrounding what it means for them personally to be worthy and ultimately culminating in them being worthy of each others love. simple and straight forward. i def like the first option as a title, a lot but can def see the second one working as like a sequel that's really in conversation with that first fic about worthiness and trying to deny your flaws and keep those parts of you hidden from your partner so like... okay the first fic is like them as individuals trying to be achieve this idea of being worthy and the sequel is like them as a couple trying to be worthy of each other.

[electrasev5nwrites]

Ninja Daily: Vapors 100

Kakuzu gave a stretch through his shoulders, luxuriating in the uncommon silence.

He wasn't an idiot. He knew perfectly well that the quiet meant that the simpleton had left. That was why he had hidden in the basement bathroom so that Konan couldn't find him. Someone else could retrieve the moron while he enjoyed his respite. Hidan was a plague, and he didn't know what he'd done that had caused Leader-sama to inflict the idiot on him.

'Except that I killed all my previous partners,' he noted fairly.

That seemed a little petty of Pein, but Kakuzu was too busy to care. There were much more important issues at stake.

"I don't see how we can possibly make up for this lapse in productivity," he noted darkly, using his knees as a desk for the notebook on his lap. Writing out the problems and possible solutions made him feel better, even as he reaffirmed that Akatsuki's finances were taking an enormous hit.

They had only been taking domestic missions for over a month now. He didn't see why Pein had chosen to send Tobi and Zetsu out on another jinchuuriki mission now, when they desperately needed to replenish their finances.

'It is possibly an attempt to lower our living costs,' he mused. 'If Tobi were to perish in pursuit of a jinchuuriki, we could eliminate the budget allocation for ice cream altogether.'

Tobi wasn't the only one who ate it, of course, but Itachi and Konan never went out of their way to bring it home either.

That made him feel a bit better about his participation in this organization. Pein's priorities were strange, but he at least had some semblance of business sense and the wisdom to step back and allow more competent individuals free reign when appropriate. Of course, he also extended too much freedom to touchy-feely, sentimental lunatics like Hidan, so the trait was still problematic.

Kakuzu glowered at the bathroom mirror, and then wondered why it was positioned to face the toilet. He looked down at his lap instead, suddenly disquieted. Why was he still in here? Surely Konan had noticed Hidan's unsubtle escape and taken care of the matter herself. He stuck his pencil behind his ears, washed his hands out of habit and conscientiousness despite not having used the facilities, and kept an ear out for the incoherent babbling that would undoubtedly accompany Hidan's return.

But he didn't hear anything like that.

'He's still not here?' Kakuzu grunted, both satisfied and unimpressed with Konan's lack of efficiency. She was a terrible manager.

The stairs up to the first floor were rickety and old, in no small part due to the fact that Kakuzu had shot down the proposal to replace them himself. He considered it a good trade. They were placed on the opposite end of the long hallway that his room was. Kakuzu covered ground towards his private space quickly, hoping to avoid seeing anyone else.

And then the back door opened. His mood instantly plummeted. So the idiot was back already? He turned, ready to cut off Hidan's head just for the principle of the thing- and stopped.

The gaggle of offensively bright Konoha and Suna nin piling in the door like puppies fleeing the rain paused as well, with the notable exception of a blond with a stupid facial expression who pointed at him and shrieked something incoherent at a pitch that humans were not meant to communicate in.

Kakuzu made a quick count. 'One, two… Four teams?' He catalogued any who he recognized: Sharingan no Kakashi, a very valuable prize—ooh, the Senju woman's Uchiha pet, the beast of Konoha, the Kazekage's siblings, and…

Itachi.

'Not worth it,' he decided instantly. His life was worth more than any one of those bounties. That didn't mean he would turn any one of them down, of course, but a 14 on 1 fight when he recognized several of his prospective opponents as S-class shinobi was a poor investment choice.

Of course, they were blocking the most convenient exit point…

He dropped into a low crouch, putting both his palms on the ground, and called on the earth underneath the base. It answered in a nearly instant roar, swelling up and bursting the floor open like a dead man's belly splitting in the sun.

Kakuzu dropped below, creating a tunnel outside the base and filling it as he went. He broke out of the dirt onto the surface within heartbeats and set off a dead sprint.

On one hand, he would have thought that Itachi at least would have had the reflexes to chase after him. On the other, perhaps he had overestimated their competency.

Earth was his primary affinity, after all, and he had been perfecting it for a very long time.

He would find Zetsu, he decided. Zetsu was Madara's servant. He would know what should be done. And it would be important to note that Itachi had turned traitor. Perhaps Itachi would kill Konan while he was at it, and no one would be able to hold him accountable for fleeing?

"Er," Kakashi said faintly, rubbing his eye and then opening it experimentally. "Did that old man in his pajamas really just tunnel out of here, or am I having a short stroke?"

He was having a harder time getting over the pajamas than that he'd run. Kakashi might have run if he'd seen such a large group of intruders waltz into a temporary base. (If it was Konoha, he would fight to the death, of course). But the pajamas? It was half past noon.

"That was Kakuzu," Itachi explained factually, gingerly stepping over the crack in the floor. "He prefers to be comfortable while he tabulates expenses."

"Of course he does," Kakashi muttered. "What was I thinking?"

' Well, Itachi was already right about one Akatsuki. He fled. That means there's only two of them to fight. Would it be worth it to chase after Kakuzu, or should I take that as luck? One S class shinobi on his own can be hunted and cornered at our leisure. Most of this group is powerful, but inexperienced. I don't like the idea of splitting to chase after him when we know that there are two difficult fights coming up here.'

Kakashi warily examined the premises as he could see so far. The building was remarkably narrow. Hardly ideal conditions for an altercation, especially if he intended to use the advantage of numbers…

"Well, nice tour, thank you Itachi." Kakashi shooed the ninja who had crowded in behind him out. "Come on, get."

"What the hell are you doing?" Sabaku no Temari asked flatly, looking spectacularly unimpressed. He aimed an eye smile at her.

"I think we should have our friends come to us. It's rude to enter without knocking, after all. Don't crowd the doorstep." Once he had pushed the small mob far enough back, he nodded at Sasuke. "Why don't you knock?" he suggested generously.

Sasuke smirked unpleasantly. "Of course, Kakashi." He curled his hand into a fist and pulled it back, approaching the building at a jog. The momentum was probably unnecessary. Sasuke used it to leap, land feet-first on the side of the building, and crouch in a lightning-quick motion that brought his fist down by his right sandal. He kicked off at what seemed to be the exact moment that half the building folded inwards.

Rubble and dust flew out, instantly coating everyone who hadn't had the sense to stand behind someone taller in a layer of filth.

In other words, Itachi, Kakashi, Baki, and Genma exchanged various levels of amused glances while the less experienced ninja coughed and fanned frantically at their faces.

"Do you think they heard you?" Karin asked sarcastically, pulling her glasses off to wipe them on the underside of her shirt.

Abruptly, the rain stopped altogether.

' It definitely wasn't natural, then,'

One minor mystery solved. Also, Akatsuki knew they were here.

"I could knock again," Sasuke half-threatened, half-grinned with the thrill of showing off in front of his brother.

"I think it served its purpose," Genma muttered, giving a loopy little grin to Yamato, who was sneezing pathetically and rubbing at his nose. The poor boy looked to be on the verge of a break down. He'd had a bad day.

"Karin, contact the teams in the direction that Kakuzu fled," Kakashi ordered. "Tell them who is coming and when he will arrive. Give them a rundown of his abilities and the option to engage or move out of his way, depending on whether they think they can defeat him without sustaining losses."

He hadn't judged that chasing Kakuzu would be a pointless waste of life for his team only to assume that it would be negligible for their nominal allies to lose people in the same pursuit. Even if Kakuzu had left in the direction of the Kumo teams.

The snake Karin summoned this time was much less conspicuous than his brightly scaled peers—tan and gold. Kakashi edged away subtly. That one he recognized. Karin lifted it closely to her lips as if she was about to kiss the top of its flat head and began to murmur to it.

The Suna nin looked similarly disquieted by the show of affection, but then, they probably recognized the species as fatally poisonous just as he did. It was native to the desert, after all.

He didn't actually notice Konan arrive. What he noticed was Baki shouting some bland code word that was apparently an order for Temari to pull the fan over her back and swing it from a low left position to a high right, buffeting what appeared to be a murderous flock of white butterflies off course.

That protocol had probably been for projectiles in general.

He still preferred to think they had a code that meant it was time to attack butterflies.

The woman herself flashed into sight, balancing lightly on top of the collapsed bunker wall. Her amber-orange eyes were directed at one man only.

"Itachi, I am disappointed," Konan said quietly. "Have you betrayed us so easily?"

"She's surprised? That's rather short sighted, considering she knows why he left Konoha," Hyuuga Neji muttered.

Kakashi had never before realized a Hyuuga could be funny. Judging by the disappointed look Gai leveled on his student, the green beast disagreed. Pity.

"We do not have to fight," Itachi said seriously.

Oh, to be so naïve.

Konan's eyes narrowed as if she agreed.

"Speak for yourself, Uchiha," Sabaku no Temari sneered, squinting up at Konan. "I owe grandmother here an ass-kicking. I lost my hotel deposit thanks to her!" Kankuro snorted, but moved into a ready stance as well. "Also she kidnapped Aiko from my room," Temari amended as an afterthought.

Naruto perked up. "What, this old lady?" he asked skeptically. "I expected you to look different. All Aiko said was that your makeup was horrible." He gave Konan a thin smile. "Temari's right. You do need an ass-kicking."

'That's not the plan,' Kakashi thought, frustrated. Naruto wasn't suited to fight Konan at all. If he really wanted, he could pummel her on the way back to T and I. This fight had already been planned.

"Stick to the plan. Everyone else, back!" Kakashi barked out. He steadied Karin by her arm, as artificial winds picked up to a downright dangerous level while Temari and Baki started throwing out A and B class wind jutsu. The hurricane threatened to actually pick up Karin, by far the smallest member of their party. She made an aborted squeak, and latched onto Naruto's arm like a limpet while her clothes flapped in the wind, leaving her stomach bare. "Is Kisame approaching?"

Tenten actually speared a good twenty of Konan's projectiles mid air. Her glittering knives impacted the ground with a multitude of little 'shuk-shuk-shuk' sounds. Paper struggled futilely, trapped. Genma gave a low whistle- and then jerked forward to push her out of the path of a paper dragon the size of Mitsuo, catching its fangs with his short sword and ducking under the reach of its claws. Chakra threads wrapped around it—and then Kankuro cursed as the entire paper construction dissolved into individual sheets of paper. A good chunk of them sliced through Crow like the puppet was made of lukewarm butter.

"Karin," Kakashi reminded sharply. They couldn't afford to get distracted.

"Er-" Karin squeezed her eyes shut to concentrate, biting her lower lip. Something about the motion seemed odd, until he realized that she had used four teeth to do so. He was used to seeing Aiko pin her lip more delicately with just one tooth. "Yes," she concluded, opening her eyes and then blinking rapidly. She jerked her head to the right. "He's trying to sneak up to assess the situation," Karin assessed. "He masks his chakra really well, actually, but it's enormous."

"Wind blade!" Temari actually aimed her attack directly at Konan, who had apparently manifested wings in the time that Kakashi had looked away. The blue-haired woman appeared flustered. She didn't quite dodge in time, and the wind that caught her wing sent her spinning slightly. She shot straight upwards, and then came down like an avenging goddess, gathering what looking like starbursts of blades at the tip of each extended hand.

Kakashi suppressed the urge to merely nod at Karin for her report and tore his gaze away from the large-scale fight. "Good work," he grudgingly allowed. It wouldn't do to allow his irritation with the teens to prevent him from accurately assessing and rewarding their contributions.

And Karin really was proving her worth as a field shinobi.

'If I'm to be honest, she's more essential to this mission than I am,' he noted with no small amount of irony. She had the most direct access to information, after all. 'If she were less inexperienced, maybe she should have been the one calling the shots.'

"You are creepy, girl," a gravelly voice observed. Kisame pulled his bandage-wrapped sword off of his back and pointed it directly at Karin.

She gaped. "Me?" The indignant shriek hurt Kakashi's ears. He winced and leapt away, moving to a slightly safer distance. Not coincidentally, his new positioning also gave him a better view of the entire area, including the battle that was steadily pushing its way westward. "I'm creepy?" Karin slapped a hand to her chest.

"When it comes from the bipedal shark, it really means something," Naruto snickered, not hiding his laughter at his cousin's expense.

"What an UnYouthful thing to say to a lovely young lady in the springtime of her youth!" Gai chuckled, giving Karin a thumbs-up and a smile that sparkled in the sun. "This opening move is devoted to you, Karin-san!"

Her "Er, thanks?" was drowned out by the yell, "Konoha Double Lotus!" Lee made an excited yelp and dashed forward from the other side, spinning into a kick at Kisame's left. The nuke-nin grunted and moved his sword to catch his foot—which left his right open to the bone-breaking force Gai was wielding.

Except the blow didn't connect. Kisame managed to dodge by a thin margin, leaping backwards. The green-clad menaces stayed on him, leaping and weaving in a blur of movement that Kakashi couldn't fully register without his Sharingan. He resisted the temptation to uncover it.

That would be a waste of chakra. Right now, the situation seemed to be overwhelmingly in their favor, to the point where they had more than enough people to control the field. There were too many people for them all to fight together, actually. The Suna team was working well together, and Genma was keeping Tenten out of the crossfire, but any more participants in that fight would be more of a problem than a benefit. If anyone were to be injured, they could easily be rotated out of either fight and both patched up and kept safe.

'We don't know where their leader is,' Kakashi reminded himself darkly, not letting his attention waver. 'Our numbers advantage could easily become irrelevant. Karin couldn't even tell when he left. We may have no warning. For all we know, he could be here.'

The thought was bleak, but still less unpleasant than anything else he might be doing. By all accounts, that man was a monster. The idea of someone like that going directly after jinchuuriki or taking the body count to another village was unpalatable.

Karin shifted uncomfortably, scuttling backwards a little bit. Sasuke reached out to steady her, red eyes whirling and cataloguing everything that was happening.

"Are you sure we can't join in?" Naruto half-whispered, bright blue eyes practically dancing with visible excitement. His head was following the back and forth action of the blue-on-green fight rather like a pinball game.

"No," Kakashi said shortly.

"Actually," Karin muttered, looking over her shoulder. "There might be a fight for us after all. There's a team coming in from Ame."

' Does that mean that Ame really is affiliated with Akatsuki, or are they just taking advantage of the confusion?'

Kakashi frowned under his mask. There was no way to tell until this team arrived. If they joined with Akatsuki, that might be a problem.

"Yamato, take Naruto and Sasuke to investigate our visitors," Kakashi decided blandly. It would be better to keep the fights separate. "Itachi, keep Karin safe. If the situation changes, further orders are at your discretion."

The Uchiha looked downright amused about being downgraded to a bodyguard, but he nodded in agreement nonetheless.

"What about you, sensei?" Naruto blinked guilelessly up at him. Kakashi resisted the urge to pat his head.

"Neji and I are going to investigate that base, of course," he explained breezily, indicating the partially collapsed building. They were fighting in its shadow—it would be intelligent to know what potential dangers were nearby.

He still didn't wholly trust Itachi, after all. If there was anyone else around that Karin couldn't sense in the way that she hadn't sensed Akatsuki's leader, he wanted to know about them.

"Naruto, don't move ahead," Yamato commanded, keeping the tiredness out of his voice. The blond deferred, falling slightly behind to run at Yamato's left. Sasuke was in the parallel position by Yamato's right hip.

"Sorry, captain," Naruto apologized honestly. His voice was much lower than usual. Surprised, Yamato glanced over to see that the mask of happy idiocy had been wiped from the blond's face.

'Of course,' he realized, feeling like an ass. 'It's almost a little cruel to keep him out of the fight with Konan, now that he knows she's the one who hurt his twin.' Yamato had never had a twin, of course, but he imagined that Kakashi was something like an older sibling. Always cooler and more capable than he could ever be- the idea of someone hurting him just sounded wrong. He would be off-kilter as well in that situation.

Yamato gave an uneasy glance to the other teen—Sasuke's jaw was set firmly as well. Would he be thinking along similar lines? He half-doubted it. Sasuke was preoccupied with his own older sibling.

'And isn't that a messy situation.' Kakashi obviously didn't trust Itachi. Yamato didn't either. If Tsunade-sama confirmed the information and personality assessment, he would welcome Itachi into Konoha with open arms. Until that moment, he thought he had the better deal in putting some distance between the two of them.

' A fight might make a good distraction for both of them.'

If that was true, they were spectacularly lucky. They met the Ame ninja a mile and a half out from their comrades. It was immediately obvious that this was going to be a hostile altercation. Yamato gritted his teeth and didn't waste time trying to talk them down.

He met with their leader with a clang of metal, locking his ANBU shortsword against a green-haired woman's thicker sword. She grimaced in his face, huffing- and then spat into his right eye. Yamato shut it in reflex and instantly cursed himself. He forced his left open again just in time to see the movement of her hand as she tossed some sort of white powder directly upwards into his face.

It burned like an acid. Yamato yelped—but took advantage of his superior strength and the fact that his opponent had taken a hand off her blade in order to force her blade out wide and freed up one of his hands to deliver a punch directly into her solar plexus.

The altercation had taken less than a second. Sasuke was just bringing his fist to bear on a man twice his size and Naruto was a foot away from smashing what looked like a Rasengan into a thin brunet's jaw.

'They seem to be doing fine still,' he noted distractedly.

The kunoichi's raised foot hit the ground at the same time that his did, and they split in a blur of movement. The slower shinobi had probably just seen the sparks from their swords colliding, and possibly the powder-fine glitter that had been tossed into the air.

They whipped around on the next step. Yamato cut sideways to buy time to pry his eyes open even as the woman darted forwards to press her advantage. He ducked away from her first blow and lifted his blade to block her second.

'No wonder this woman managed to bat Aiko around like a cat toy,' Temari noted depreciatingly. Her muscles were trembling with the effort to keep pushing at the prohibitively brutal speed that was necessary. 'We have her outnumbered five to one, and she's still keeping us on the run. What kind of monster is she?'

The little konoha kunoichi gave a little grunt and covered her face with her forearms to block the worst of a mis-aimed wind jutsu from Baki. His wind blades tended to go wide and veer unpredictably once they hit another breeze. In other words, they were short-distance weapons, which was why they normally complimented her long-distance attacks.

Neither was optimal against another long distance fighter who moved so damn quickly. They had to predict and force her movements in order for anything to connect while working around the limitations and general havoc of their own techniques. It was a wonder that the Konoha nin hadn't gotten hurt yet, inexperienced as they were with the unpredictable nature of those attacks. The man seemed to have been in plenty of fights before, but the girl couldn't possibly have been. She looked like she had fruit stuck to the top of her head for kami's sake. Fearsome killers just didn't do that.

'Still, she's pretty good,' Temari noted grudgingly. She was doing well to keep the paper ninja's attacks away from herself and was steadily immobilizing the older woman's supply of ammunition.

Temari hadn't managed any such damage so far, but she was proving to be the best at harrying the Ame kunoichi. Kankuro was covering her back, working to keep any rogue paper from doing anything sneaky when she wasn't looking.

'When I got that lucky hit in earlier, it disrupted her movements for almost a full second,' Temari noted, narrowing her eyes at the winged shadow overhead. 'If I can do that again and coordinate well enough with Peaches here to hit her at the right moment, we might be able to take her down. Or we could play it safe and fight her by attrition. The Uchiha traitor said that she was nearly undefeatable as long as she had weaponry, didn't he?'

Then again, she didn't know what observations he was basing that analysis off of. In her experience, anything and anyone could be killed, often by someone much smaller than them.

Temari gave a vicious grin, already picturing cutting off her enemy's head to take home. She really didn't like that woman.

Konan dove yet again, flashing across the sky and raining down explosives shaped like doves. "Nugh!" Temari grunted, heaving with the effort to bat them aside. The constructions that collided with each other went up in little localized blasts, but not all of them were detonated. Three were intact and headed for-

"Genma!" Peaches called out, sliding in from the right and pinning the first one with a spinning shuriken. It took a moment for Temari to catch on that the idly grinning Konoha nin had speared the other two with senbon. That was just fucking scary.

"Don't worry about me, Ten-chan. I'm a big boy. I'll be just fine." He winked at her.

All the respect she'd had for him based on the impressiveness of that senbon accuracy stunt fled instantly. Peaches gave a dismissive grunt and turned away as well, pulling the enormous scroll off her back.

"Temari-san! Do you think you can hit her again?"

'A girl after my own heart,' Temari realized, licking the inside of her lips. She just nodded. 'I have to be smart about this. She only comes down into my range when I'm preoccupied if she can help it. But she must be getting desperate to finish this fight. She's got to know that it can't end in her favor if it goes much longer. Maybe we should just be playing it safe, but what if she's playing for time because she expects reinforcements?'

"Kankuro, give me some space," she said lowly, widening her stance and adjusting her weight instead of keeping low so that she could dart in any direction.

Konan would want to take her out. If she made herself a target, the older woman might come in close enough to do the job herself.

' There's more than one way to force her to hold still. If I can't count on getting an attack in, I could go directly to her.'

Konan wasn't the only aerial fighter, after all. Temari snapped her fan open the rest of the way and called up a fierce gale. She ran with it for a moment—and then spread her weapon perpendicular to the ground and deftly leapt on top. The sun-warmed metal all but burned against her bent legs, but she didn't care. The fast moving air picked at her tightly bound hair and threatened to rip her clothing. It would have if the cotton wasn't reinforced with fine threads of metal.

She gripped the edge of her fan tightly, never minding that a line of blood appeared on her fingers where she was clutching, and used every bit of brute strength she had to moderate the movement of her weapon (and primary mode of transportation). With the wide edge directed down, the wind from underneath pushed her upward. Temari slowly sucked in a deep breathing, acclimating to the change in pressure—and then darted after the blue-haired bitch, leaning with the wind. A humourless smile exposed her teeth to the air. So high up, it was both thin and dry, unlike the moist crap hanging below.

' Much better. Water in the air was slowing me down.'

Up here, Temari was fast as thought, slipping like quicksilver. Konan couldn't ride the wind—she flapped unwieldy paper wings to move, thousands of expertly turned feathers that were so susceptible to a little thing like conflicting air pockets…

She barreled directly at Konan, taking vicious pleasure in how wide her orange eyes were in the bright light above the clouds. Temari pulled four senbon out from her thigh length stockings and wore them in her hand like claws between her knuckles, ready to do her best to skewer those ugly eyes.

' Damnit!'

Konan moved at the last moment. Instead of her perfect shot, Temari had to close her eyes as she burst through the thousand tiny feathers that made up Konan's left wing. She gasped with pain—hundreds of papercuts were still hundreds of cuts.

But she had the last laugh anyways. Konan's wing was tattered and struggling to reform while the older woman plummeted like a rock. Peaches leapt directly into the air, spiraling and spinning in a fascinating way with that enormous scroll.

'It looks like she's dancing,' Temari realized, privately enchanted in the moment before she realized that Peaches was running her fingers along the scroll as she moved upwards.

And suddenly knew it was a bad idea to maintain her current position in a straight line with the other two kunoichi. Temari leaned forward to speed her travel and called a brutally efficient gust that rocketed her out of the way, never mind that the force caused some of the bits of paper hanging off her flesh to dig deeper in.

Hundreds and hundreds of pinpricks of light- senbon and kunai and shuriken and a dozen kinds of little knives that Temari couldn't name- cut through Konan again and again in the three seconds it took her to fall. There was no blood, but Temari knew that if she were closer she would have able to see the sunlight through the holes in the older woman's body.

'It's over.' She couldn't even be sorry that she didn't get to land the final blow. That had been beautiful. Konan smacked face first into the ground with enough force to blow up a cloud of dust, spread eagle with limbs clearly broken from the impact.

Temari landed and smoothly pulled her fan up, closing it in the same motion that she slipped it over her back. Kankuro glanced over at her with a pout, clearly put out that he hadn't gotten to do more than play defense. She grinned cheerfully back at him.

And Konan's left leg twitched, straightening at the break that had set her calf at two angles. The smile froze on Temari's face.

' What is this woman made of? I mean, she can't actually be made of paper, can she?'

[abyssaldespair]

@thecopynin-kakashi from [here]

"Perhaps I do~. Perhaps I gave you that pretty scar with it~." He still has that shuriken and he knows exactly where he stored it. Plus, it's one of the weapons he used during the war. Arms folding over his chest, a leg over his knee, Obito gives the paperworks an unimpressed look before raising a brow at his friend.

"I've always imagined the Hokage job to be more... Eventful?" Disappointment bleeds into his remark. "I mean... My job as the head of the Akatsuki was a lot less boring. And it can't be just me, I recall the third having time to do a bunch of other activities aside from paperworks.... What happened, was a whole department liquidated? Why are you dealing with commercial approvals, for example? This just makes no sense."

[aceopmari]

The Akatsuki w/a Kim K-ish Teammate

Akatsuki Masterlist

TW: Suggestive themes, cultural appropriation mention, some light fondling (from Sasori and Hidan), plastic surgery. If you don’t like, DO NOT INTERACT!

The Akatsuki have gathered in the hideout as their leader spoke. Today they would be getting their newest member.

Pein spoke. “Everyone. I would like you to meet our newest addition to our organization.” He turned towards the door. “You may come in now.”

The door then opened. You immediately strutted inside. Pein blinked his rinnegan eyes as he took in your appearance.

You had an extremely voluptuous, hourglass figure with boobs bigger than huge dumplings and hips wider than the distance between the Hidden Leaf and the Hidden Sand.

Okay so maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but those curves of yours were hard to ignore. You also had a full face of makeup that made you look entirely different than your usual appearance.

Pein furrowed a brow. You had modified the Akatsuki cloak into a revealing strapless minidress that bared your hips. There was no doubt that you weren’t wearing underwear.

“Heyyyy~” you greet in your valley girl accent. “I’m Y/N L/N!”

The other Akatsuki had mixed expressions. They had never seen anything like you before.

Kakuzu just stared, completely unimpressed. Hidan licked his lips as he took in your curves. Was that ass real? Fake? Who cares! You looked hot as hell!

Deidara was also lost in your curves. Your hourglass figure was a work of art. Sasori had to agree. Of course Sasori kept his usual passive poker face.

Kisame just blinked while Itachi looked at you suspiciously. He couldn’t help but think that he heard your last name somewhere before.

You pulled out a large sheet of paper and flashed it at Pein. He took it and examined it. “What is this…?”

“That’s an exclusive contract drafted by my momager for my spin off reality show!” You explain. Pein raised an eyebrow. “Reality show?” You nodded. “Yes!”

You place your hands on your wide hips as you flash your best smile. “Keeping Up With the Akatsuki!”

As of on cue, a whole team of cameramen, producers, makeup artists, and designers all invade the room.

The Akatsuki members had widened their eyes, including Pein who could no longer hide his shock.

“…What the hell?!”

…

…

…

You sat in a room as you got to know the Akatsuki members.

They couldn’t believe that Pein agreed to sign the contract. But then again he needed your power and influence to strengthen the Akatsuki’s military power.

“I’m from the Village Hidden in Calabasas!” You say. You then pointed at the solid gold headband that you wore on your waist.

The village emblem consisted of a palm tree with a small sun next to it.

“See? I had this custom made by ‘Lumi Vuitton!’ It costed me billions to get this done!”

Kakuzu widened his eyes. Billions?! Just how much was your net worth? Did you have a bounty?! He would surely find out! That ass of yours alone must have been expensive and definitely worth selling for a profit!

Hidan had a big grin on his face. “Damn! Calabasas?! That Village gots some fine bitches!”

Itachi raised a brow. He heard of Hidden in Calabasas. From his knowledge, the village was full of wealthy and talented shinobi. Many who pursed fame while others did so in ways that resulted in them being rogue ninja.

In your case, you were the latter. You did however establish your power and influence with the power of your large family as an underworld celebrity.

“Can you please turn off the cameras? It’s making me uncomfortable, hm,” Deidara said as he did his best to hide his face from the camera that was zooming in on his left.

“Just pretend they’re not here! You’ll get used to it!” You say happily. You then turned to walk away. At least half of the room got a view of your generous backside.

Hidan couldn’t hide his grin as he turned to his partner. “DAMN! Did you see that ass?!” Kakuzu turned to his partner and nodded quietly. “Yes…”

…

…

…

Deidara:

Deidara was annoyed how he was assigned on a mission with you. He watched with an unimpressed expression as you sat in the confessional booth while your camera crew filmed you.

“Today Dei Dei and I are going out to capture the 3 Tails Jinchuriki! It’s my first mission ever! It’s gonna be a really fun experience for me as an Akatsuki~” you say as you bat your eyelashes.

Deidara looked at you in disgust. Did you just call him Dei Dei?! You just met and you were already giving him pet names like you were celebrity BFFs.

He couldn’t help but blush a bit. He rolled his eyes as you stood up from the booth. “Are you done yet?”

You turn to your camera crew. “Ooh! Get some shots of Dei Dei!” The camera crew then points their gear at Deidara.

He widened his eyes. “I don’t need to be on camera, HM!” He pushes the camera out of his face.

You pose with your ass out. “Quick get my good side~”

Deidara had lost his patience. His face turned red as he glare at you. “STOP POSING FOR THE CAMERAS AND START FOCUSING ON THE MISSION!”

“NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR FAKE BUTT!”

You glare at Deidara and slapped him across the face. Deidara looked at you incredulously as he held his cheek where you slapped him.

He glared at the camera that zoomed in on him. “Did she just slap me?!”

Deidara watched as you sat in the confessional booth once again. He was shocked at how you produced tears in mere seconds.

“Deidara hurt my feelings and called my butt fake! He is a fake friend!” You cried. Deidara growled in frustration. “WE ARE NOT FRIENDS!”

The camera crew then surrounded Deidara who was a deer in the headlights once more. “Get those cameras out of my fucking face!”

He dug I’m his pouch and pulled out his bombs.

“HM!”

BOOOOOOOOM!

…

…

…

After the incident, the two of you went and captured the three tails. You flew with Deidara on his clay bird as you spoke.

“The way you fight…so that’s your Kekkei Genkai?” You asked. Deidara nodded. “My art is transient beauty at its finest! My art is an explosion!”

You smiled. “I feel the same way about my art too!” Deidara furrowed a brow. “Just what do you about art, hm?”

You pull out your beauty makeup palette. “Let me show you!”

…

…

…

“You have beautiful eyes Dei Dei so you won’t be needing any eyeliner…”

“…Now we gotta highlight your cheeks and then contour…”

“…and voila!”

You had finished doing Deidara’s makeup. You presented him with a hand mirror. He gasped in amazement.

His eyelids were painted blue which complimented his eyes. He also had on some false lashes, some blush and highlights along with a bold red lip.

“Wow…” he said as he touched his cheek. You smiled happily. Words couldn’t describe how amazed Deidara felt.

“So…this…this is true art…hm….”

Deidara couldn’t tear his gaze from his reflection. He had to learn more about this form of art…

…

…

…

Hidan:

You sat in the confessional booth in an expensive religious robe and a bedazzled Jashinist necklace.

“Today Hidan is going to introduce me to Jashinism. I get the feeling that becoming religious is going to look so good in front of the fans after my scandals throughout the years~” you say sweetly to the camera.

After you spoke to the camera, you met up with Hidan who seated you on his lap. As he spoke to you, he took the moment to cop a feel of your ass. You didn’t mind though, he was really cute.

“I see. Where are the other Jashinists. Do you know where they are? I’d love to learn from them too!” You say.

Hidan smiled sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. “Yeah…that’s the thing babe…I don’t really have many followers who are willing to convert…”

You smiled. “Followers? I have millions of those! If you need more followers you need to establish your influence first, Hidan.”

Hidan raised an eyebrow with interest. You sounded like you knew what you were talking about. “I’m listening…”

…

…

…

Thanks to you, #Jashinism was trending in the underworld.

You and Hidan threw enough cult parties for converts to become followers of Jashinism. It became so popular that even non rogue ninja were sneaking out of their homes at night to join in.

Hidan was a big name in the underworld. His popularity and infamy spread far and wide.

That night, Kakuzu carried a young woman that wore a silver wig and a Jashin cropped tee. “You can’t do this to me! Hidan is my distant cousin from the Hidden Steam! I’m famous!” The woman cried.

“No groupies!” Kakuzu barked before hurling the woman towards a tree. The woman groaned as Kakuzu walked away to go count the money that he had stolen from the woman.

As Hidan’s head security, the Jashinism cult parties were becoming very profitable!

You partied with Hidan that night. Hidan sat in his throne clad in a designer ‘Vertachi’ robe and a solid gold Jashinist necklace. In his hand was his newly designed platinum steel scythe.

You sat on his lap and he grinned with his golden teeth, showing off his new grill. On one of his front teeth, he had a bedazzled Jashinist emblem in it.

He laughed triumphantly as his many followers/partygoers brought him more sacrifices.

Hidan later sat in the confessional booth that evening.

“You see this shit? I got followers begging to convert to Jashinism! I’m the king of this bitch! Look at this shit!” He says as he gestures to his necklace.

“What do you plan to do next, Hidan?” The producer asked. Hidan smiled. “First I’m gonna sacrifice the camera crew to my lord. And then I’m going to make Y/N my new bitch!”

The cameraman widened his eyes. “Wait what?!”

Hidan snickered as he pulled out his scythe. “Hold still you non believer!”

He got up and approached the panicking cameraman. “Hey! Wait a second!”

SLICE!

…

…

…

Itachi and Kisame:

Itachi and Kisame were in the kitchen that morning chatting about. That was when you strutted into the kitchen and posed for them.

“How did I look?” You say as you struck a sexy pose.

Kisame widened his eyes while Itachi looked at you incredulously.

Your skin was painted blue in the exact same shade as Kisame skin. You also had dark lines of makeup under your eyes that resembled gills and your hair was dyed dark blue.

You were clad in a black bikini top with an Uchiha clan symbol on the left breast along with a tight mini skirt that also had the symbol.

Kisame blinked. “Why did you paint your skin to look like me?” You wave him off. “Oh c’mon don’t be like that! It’s not like it’s cultural appropriation or anything!”

You smiled. “I’m promoting my new swim suit line: SharkSKIMS!” Kisame raised an eyebrow. “…SharkSKIMS?”

You nodded. “Yeah! I was really inspired by your look! I just had to make this brand!” “…You don’t think that I’m a freak of nature?” Kisame asked incredulously.

You giggled. “Are you kidding? Blue is so trending! And besides! You’re perfect the way you are, Kisame~”

Kisame’s cheeks flushed a light purple. He was in awe at your words and was flattered that his look inspired you. He was eager to learn about SharkSKIMS.

“Why do you have the Uchiha Clan symbol on your clothes?” Itachi asked. “Well that’s because I am an Uchiha! I married into the Uchiha Clan you know,” you say.

Itachi shook his head. “Impossible…” You glare at him. “No it’s not! One of my 3 ex husbands was an Uchiha and you killed him Itachi! It was your fault!”

Itachi blinked at your words as the feeling of guilt filled his mind. Did he really kill your ex husband?

“And since I’ve kept the name, I, Y/N L/N-Uchiha will create a clothing brand in the name of my clan!” You sang.

Itachi glared at you. “You can’t just make a profit by capitalizing on the Uchiha name!” You place your hands on your hips. “I can and I will! You’re my husband Itachi, you’re supposed to support me!”

Itachi looked at you like you were crazy. He was slowly starting to lose his cool. “We-we’re not married!” You nodded. “Yes we are! It’s in the contract!”

Itachi’s red eyes glowed in anger. “I didn’t sign a contract!” “Yes you did! Pein signed the agreement which means the entire organization by default has to agree to my conditions!” You say.

“I don’t care! You can’t just say we’re married and use the Uchiha Clan nans like that!” Itachi snapped. “Fine! Then I will see YOU in court, Itachi!” You say as you pointed at him.

You then turned to your camera crew as you smiled. “Did you get all that?” The camera crew nodded and smiled excitedly.

Itachi stared at you in disbelief as Kisame erupted with booming laughter at your display.

“This episode of Keeping Up with the Akatsuki is sponsored by Sharingan Contacts! Here’s to Tsukuyomi Vision!” You say happily as you pull out some Sharingan themed contacts.

Itachi couldn’t believe his eyes. Did you really turn his genjutsu into fashion statement?!

He was instantly caught off guard when you sat your fat ass on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck before pecking his cheek.

Itachi was now completely mortified as the camera zoomed in on his shocked face. Kisame on the other hand was laughing so hard that tears bursted out of his eyes.

…

…

…

Kisame and Itachi watched you on the TV later that week. You were sobbing in the confessional booth.

“Itachi and I are having a divorce! He HURT me!” You cried. The camera then cut to Hidan who was being interviewed.

“Itachi did WHAT?! That bastard is fucking ungrateful! That bitch Y/N just made him famous!”

Itachi just shook his head as stared at the TV disapprovingly. He didn’t even know why he was watching the show in the first place.

Kisame grinned at Itachi. “Now how could you break Y/N’s heart?” Itachi glared at him. “Don’t encourage this…”

In a second later, a swarm of paparazzi bursted into the room as they flashed their cameras at both Itachi and Kisame.

“What the hell?!” Kisame exclaimed. “Itachi! Are you and Y/N L/N-Uchiha having a divorce?!” A paparazzo asked.

Itachi stood up and glared at the paparazzi who pointed the mic in his face. “She’s not even a real Uchiha!”

Itachi found himself shocked at how he was easily giving into the paparazzi. “Will you appear on Konoha Divorce Court?” Another paparazzo asked.

Itachi deadpanned. “No comment…” he then turned to walk away as the paparazzi followed and demanded more answers as they called his name.

Kisame just laughed. Your addition to the Akatsuki had made things so much more interesting.

…

…

…

Sasori:

“My, my, you truly are a work of art…” Sasori said as his sensual porcelain fingers went up and down your figure.

He hummed in approval as he squeezed the sides of your breasts followed by your hips.

He then reached behind to grope your ass cheeks through the fabric of your seamless tight dress. It felt smooth, soft, and tight.

Your body shape was truly fascinating to the touch. “Could you help me out? I want to make my waist tinier,” you say.

“Consider it done, my doll,” Sasori purred as he laid you down onto the operating table.

You smiled and closed your eyes as Sasori flashed you a naughty smirk. He stripped off his Akatsuki cloak and revealed his blades.

…

…

…

You woke up feeling completely anew. Your body felt lighter, your skin was as smooth as a porcelain doll, and your waist was tinier than before.

You smiled excitedly at your new body. “Sasori! You’re amazing! Thank you!”

Sasori smiled in satisfaction of his work as the camera crew filled the room to film you. You turned to them. “Look! I got plastic surgery on my waist! Look!”

Sasori snickered to himself as he watched you pose for the camera. Oh yes, you were plastic alright.

Sasori had honored your request. All he had to do was remove the organs from your tummy…

…To do that he had turned you into a porcelain puppet doll. With that lovely figure, you were truly a work of art.

Pein:

Pein had instant regrets about letting you join the organization as the strengths of the Akatsuki’s military power had decreased.

Because of you, his other subordinates had stopped obeying him.

Deidara had enrolled himself in beauty school to pursue a new form of art. He started wearing makeup, wore bright colored clothes and dyed his hair pink. He graduated early and he would later become the rich CEO of Explosion Star Cosmetics. He often hung out with you at his Hidden in Calabasas mansion as he looked down on peasants.

Sasori also went on to pursue art in the form of studying plastic surgeries. He was so fascinated with the female body and his talents for performing surgeries on women spread far and wide.

Hidan became an underworld celebrity and had 1.3 million followers (and counting) who were devoted to Jashinism. They brought him enough kills to satisfy their lord.

With his new power and influence, Hidan decided that he didn’t need the Akatsuki anymore.

Kisame was no longer insecure about his appearance. He was your top model for your SharkSKIMS. He traded his Akatsuki robe for a speedo. He was quite popular with the ladies too!

Itachi gave in and “remarried” you. He thought after all the suffering he has caused his brother, that marrying you would be his perfect punishment. You happily paraded Itachi like a trophy. He made headlines as your depressed celebrity husband.

Kakuzu became your full time body guard killing your stalkers for pay. He made triple than what bounty hunting had made him.

The Akatsuki was no more…

Pein sighed. At least he still had Konan who would remain loyal to him.

As of on cue, Konan walked by. Pein widened his eyes at the sight of her.

Konan appeared at least 10 years younger! She had her hair down with some 30 inch extensions that reached her feet, she also had a face lift, a nose job, a breast enlargement, and a liposuction on her waist.

She was clad in a tight black strapless and cocktail dress that revealed her hip slit and had a full face of makeup as well as Sharingan contacts. She no longer wore her piercings.

“…Konan…?” Pein blinked. Konan smirked at him, pleased that he had gotten him to notice her. “I’m going out tonight with Y/N,” she said.

“…To where?” Pein asked as his eyes scanned her figure. “Deidara’s launch party. He just released a new line of beauty products,” she said with a smile.

She turned on her heel to walk away. “Keep a watch on things here will you?” Pein widened his eyes. “Konan, we need to-“

Pein stopped and nearly choked mid sentence as he watched Konan walk. His rinnegan eyes fell to her voluptuous and generous backside that jiggled in her dress.

Konan’s butt had gotten bigger. The view it’s movements were very tantalizing. There was no way it was real! But if there’s one thing thst Pein knew…

…He loved watching her go…

A/N: Likes comments and reblogs are appreciated!

[mixelation]

now i wanna hear about other akatsuki teams/pairs. any thoughts for who would be awful together?

did you psychically know i spent several hours last night looking at Itachi/Sasori fics??? (it probably was less time than that. there's only like 12 on ao3 and most of them didn't interest me)

ItaSaso is basically the equal and opposite energy of HidaDei. They're both control freaks and would be awful together both as a couple and as work partners. Itachi's unbreakable belief he's always right VS Sasori's need to micromanage and control-- who wins?? They argue entirely in very tight, barely-controlled sentences. The insults are mean. The mission does eventually get done, though.

(Hidan & Deidara should only get paired up if you just want everyone even slightly associated with the mission maimed and/or killed. If the mission objective wasn't to completely destroy something or kill someone, it miiiight not get done.)

Kisame, I think, makes the best "alternative partner" in a general sense. He's pretty go-with-the-flow, but also very competent, so I can't really see him clashing hard with anyone else. He can get annoyed, sure, but he has the emotional regulation skills to not lose his shit, and most Akatsuki aren't going to find personal fault in him.

Kakuzu is the opposite. Doesn't matter how competent you are. If you have to work with Kakuzu one-on-one with no buffer person for long enough, he will get annoyed and try to kill you. It might not even be obvious. He might just snap because you mispronounced a common word one too many times and fly into a murderous rage.....

I'm trying to think of other pairs that would make awful work partners. Itachi and Deidara have an obvious source of conflict, but I do ship them hard and think they could be a devastating pair if either of them, you know, got over their pettiness. (They won't. That'd be OOC. Extremely frustrating ship to write, tbh.) I think Hidan would be largely unimpressed/bored with Itachi and vice versa, but as a pair they'd only really blow up at each other if Itachi tried to intervene in Hidan's religious murdering. Hidan and Sasori would probably end with Sasori vivisecting him and Hidan being weirdly into it. Hidan, why.

And of course, everyone hates running missions with Tobi. It's basically an Akatsuki right of passage.

[catflorist]

The Time Being (ao3 / ffn) catflorist Summary: Time-slipping is a side effect of wielding the Rinnegan. When Sasuke slips through time, he always goes to Sakura, whether he wants to or not. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8

warning: this chapter contains mentions of death, and also orochimaru displays some possessive behavior over sasuke.

pt. 2: ocean

“You are weak,” Orochimaru hissed, a lazy foot pinning Sasuke’s chest to the ground.

Sasuke glared up at the snake Sannin. “I’m not weak.” In the dim torchlight of Orochimaru’s hideout, his power grew by the day.   His new mentor was unimpressed. “You’re not committed. Don’t waste my time if you’re still holding on to your silly village.” He released Sasuke. “You must choose.”

That night, Sasuke saw the faces of the people he had left behind, because the Sharingan kept him from forgetting. But Sasuke had already made his choice. He was already here, wasn’t he? He would do anything to kill Itachi and avenge his slain clan. Nothing else mattered.

He lit a fire in his mind’s eye. Everything burned away, except for Itachi’s face, and the shape of his own hatred. He learned to cut away stray thoughts of his old life, his teammates. He dismissed the time-slipping as a fluke, as inexplicable as the way his curse mark boiled his blood and infused him with strength. As he grew more powerful, the task of rewriting himself became easier and easier, until it was nothing at all.   At the hideout near Kusagakure, Sasuke turned fourteen, then fifteen. Orochimaru never called him weak again. Instead, when he looked at Sasuke, his gaze was hungry, like he might consume him. If Sasuke didn’t already know the Sannin wished to claim his body as a vessel, he would have known with one look at his sallow face. The desire was obvious. It grew as wild as brambles around Sasuke. But Sasuke used the thorns as his shield and protection as he cultivated his hatred and his power, clearing a path towards vengeance for his clan.   One day Orochimaru led Sasuke to his own sprawling quarters and hissed, “I have a gift for you,” and presented Sasuke a purple obi. When Sasuke knotted it around his waist, Orochimaru trailed a possessive finger over the thick cord. His pale hands trembled. Sasuke pretended not to see.   Kabuto called for Orochimaru, and Sasuke was alone in the Sannin’s dark chamber. Dust coated everything in sight except for an ornate vanity and mirror in the center of the room. These fixtures gleamed even in the dark. Askew on the surface of the vanity lay jars of fine white powder, pots of creamy greasepaint, and vials swirling with green liquid, for which Sasuke could name no purpose. 

Sasuke dipped his fingers into an open jar of paint. The purple pigment was tacky on his skin, like drying blood. He eyed the collection of brushes Orochimaru used to paint his face. The bristles of each brush tip varied in color and texture. They were composed of human hair. Sasuke frowned, then locked eyes with his reflection in the mirror.   For the first time since he had joined Orochimaru, Sasuke had the opportunity to look at himself. The mirror revealed long dark hair falling past his collarbone. A loose, white shirt carelessly flung open to reveal his bare chest. An obi, purple as poison, coiled like a snake around his waist. A dissatisfied mouth, slanting down. Red, red eyes that absorbed all light and reflected none back. In a trance, he pulled his hair back from his face. Itachi peered back at him. Sasuke recoiled and dropped the ponytail.   In his own chamber Sasuke cut his hair as short as he could get it with a kunai. When it was done he felt the jagged and uneven spikes and let out a breath. He was not Orochimaru’s vessel. He was not a Konoha shinobi. He was not Itachi. He was his own. . . Sasuke’s old teammates infiltrated Orochimaru’s lair.    Through Orochimaru’s network of spies, Sasuke had heard word of Sakura’s healing abilities, and her defeat of Sasori of the Akatsuki. He could not help staring at her, trying to sense the difference. But when her mouth formed the syllables of his name, his ears rejected the sound of her voice.   He had not heard any news of Naruto. Sasuke tested his abilities and found him wanting.   The encounter was short and inconsequential. Sasuke had done his work well. He didn’t feel a thing. Nothing, not even his old teammates, could keep him from fulfilling his purpose. 

Half-asleep in bed that night, he remembered how Naruto’s nose twitched right before he smiled. 

Sasuke opened his eyes and frowned at his ceiling, shutting down the intrusive thought.

He remembered another half-forgotten detail. Sakura’s knees bruised easily. 

Spots colored Sasuke’s vision. He gasped, fighting a flood of nausea.

Rain pattered upon a wooden roof. The air smelled like salt.   Sakura’s hair was long. She said, “It’s you.”   By the time Sasuke activated the glare of his Sharingan, he was back in his bed.   He shot up, fingers still tingling, far more shaken than he would like.   Sasuke had learned to harness the power of his curse mark. He had mastered the chidori, the Sharingan, and all of Orochimaru’s tricks. He had overcome his weaknesses and cut away all ties to his old life. How could this be happening? . . The next time, Sasuke lunged at Sakura even before the tingling in his fingers faded.   Sakura let out a grunt. Her forearm blocked his assault. When they made contact Sasuke’s stomach lurched. Her body felt solid and very real. 

Sakura sprang backwards and held up her hands. “I don’t want to fight you.”   Sasuke darted towards her again. She twisted his arm and flipped him to the ground. His back connected with the floor with enough force to knock the air from his lungs.  

Long pink hair dangled in his face. He tried to move, but an iron grip pinned him down. “Sorry about that.” She didn’t sound sorry.   “How did you get so strong?” he demanded.   A small bubble of laughter escaped Sakura.   Sasuke’s stomach turned in a familiar falling motion. He lurched up in his own bed, the sound of her laugh ringing in his ears, and spit out a curse. 

The last person to pin Sasuke down in a fight was Orochimaru. Two years ago. 

When he had attacked Sakura, he hadn’t even bothered to use his doujutsu. He had underestimated her. . . Sasuke knew he would slip again, as if he had activated his Sharingan and seen the shape of the instinct with his own eyes. He prepared himself. As he cooled from the previous encounter with Sakura, he decided it would not be wise to attack her. Instead, he would use the visits to his advantage and gather information.   The next time, he was ready.   The scent of salt filled his nose. Sasuke was alone in a one-roomed, lofted shack. He rushed to the nearest window. Morning sun illuminated a rocky coastline, which eased into sand and then an endless expanse of blue ocean. Two tall rock formations studded the water and distant mountains cut into the sky. This landscape appeared nowhere near Konoha.   Sasuke released his grip on the windowpane and assessed his surroundings. The room was bare save for a table, a bookshelf, and two chairs positioned next to the small hearth. A row of large seashells decorated its mantle. He caught a glimpse of bedding tucked away in the loft high above his head. A dark cat dozed on the kitchen counter next to a stack of wooden bowls.   The door creaked open, inviting a gust of wind into the room. Sakura halted in the doorframe, carrying a wooden bucket heavy with seawater. She wore loose pants and a man’s shirt. A diamond marked the center of her forehead.

“Sasuke,” she greeted, brow furrowed. A strange expression—something he couldn’t name—rose then fell from her face. 

“Am I not who you expected?” Sasuke bit.   Sakura’s mouth twitched. “Not quite.”  

“Where are we?” he asked.   “My place,” Sakura said, shutting the door with a swing of her hip. She set the bucket on the floor.   The dark cat slunk down from the kitchen counter and leapt into Sasuke’s surprised arms. 

“Her name is Hime,” Sakura said, as the cat made herself comfortable on his shoulder, as if she were royalty.

“Why is this happening?” he demanded. But with a cat purring next to his ear, he imagined he did not form the threatening picture he wanted.   Sakura validated his concerns by asking, “Do you want some tea? Or if you’re hungry, I collected mussels. They’re best when they’re fresh.”    He snorted.   “You’re already here, aren’t you? Might as well enjoy yourself.” She smiled. Her fingers twitched. “Unless you’re interested in another fight.”   Sasuke’s fists clenched. I am here for information, he reminded himself, and took a reluctant seat at the table. Sakura poured two cups of tea, though he had not asked for any, and sat across from him.    Sasuke asked, “What year is it?” The cat sprang from his shoulder onto his thigh.   Sakura named a date five years ahead of his own.   “Where are we?”   She smiled.   “What’s happened to the village?”   Silence. Konoha might have burned to the ground, or Sakura might be Hokage. Sasuke could not read her.   Another question burned in his throat, one he had not planned to ask, but it escaped him anyway. “Do I…” He swallowed. “Do I kill Itachi? You must know.”   He thought her eyes saddened. Or maybe it was the light.   “Answer me,” he snapped.   Sasuke had spent nights envisioning what might happen the next time he slipped—the questions he could ask Sakura, the knowledge he would gain. But he had not considered the simple possibility that she would resist answering him. He had not foreseen the cup of tea steaming before him, the cat curled in his lap.   “I’m sorry you’re hurting so much,” she said.    Sasuke shot up, jostling the table. His teacup toppled over. The cat let out an unhappy cry and darted out of sight.   “Don’t act like you know me,” he spat, blood rushing to his head.   He was speaking to the shadows of his empty room. . . Sasuke returned to this Sakura at the seaside time and time again.    It always happened when he was tired, half-asleep, his guard down. He worked himself to the bone, hoping fatigue would fend away the unwanted journey. It did not.   Sasuke bombarded her with questions. Sakura responded with jests, frustrating half-truths, or silence, until Sasuke stopped asking. He had failed to adopt Orochimaru’s slick and persuasive nature. Any information he learned was at Sakura’s mercy.   Sometimes when he arrived, Sakura was making breakfast. Feeding the cat. Sitting by the hearth, playing a game of shogi with herself. “Tea?” she asked, each time. 

Sasuke would slam the door on the way out. If he couldn’t control his visits, he could at least limit his exposure to Sakura. The wooden shack was perched on the first patch of firm ground by the water. He stared at the ocean until he slipped back to his own time.    His visits were brief, until one time, it wasn’t.   Sakura was up in the loft, folding her bedding. She fluffed a pillow and made no comment at his appearance. 

Sasuke dodged the cat’s affections. He sat cross-legged against the side of her small home and waited for the vertigo that meant he was on his way. Half an hour passed, but it did not come.   At the sound of a creaky door, Sasuke opened his eyes.   Sakura strode outside with a wooden bucket. “You’re still here,” she observed.   Against his better judgement, Sasuke spoke. “I’d rather not be.”   “You look tired.”   “It’s the middle of the night,” he insisted, squinting in the morning sun. A bird chirped cheerfully in the middle of his sentence.   “Well,” Sakura said. She situated the bucket on her hip. “Don’t let me keep you.”   This concluded their second-longest conversation. Sakura walked down to the tide pools, waded calf-deep in the water, and collected mussels. He was still here when she returned, leaving a trail of wet footprints on the stone path.   Water sloshed from Sakura’s bucket. “Are you hungry?” she called, already smirking in anticipation of his refusal.   He glared.   Sakura was not done. She touched a finger to her chin. “You like sitting here. I’ll build a bench,” she decided.   “Don’t,” Sasuke advised.   Next time, a bench waited outside her house. The material was the same smooth wood as the house, though Sasuke didn’t see any hardwood trees around.    He scowled, but he sat down. The cat joined him, then Sakura joined him.   “When was the last time I was here?” he sighed.   “Three days ago.” Sakura set an extra cup of tea between them, which Sasuke ignored. “And you?”   “Last night.” He rubbed his temples. “And the night before that.”   “No wonder you’re tired,” she said, scratching Hime between her ears.   Sasuke sprang a question. “Why aren’t you in Konoha?”   “I like the ocean,” Sakura said, without skipping a beat.   “Since when?” he muttered. They had seen the ocean together once, on their first mission. He didn’t remember Sakura making any particular fuss about it.   The half-smile on her face faded. “I’m here because I’m waiting for something.”   Something in her voice made Sasuke’s head turn. He allowed himself to really look at Sakura, to see what she would be like in five years' time. Her hair was long again. Her limbs were wiry and powerful emerging from the men’s clothing she now wore. Her chin was just as delicate as he remembered, her eyes just as green, reflecting the sea.   “What are you waiting for?” Sasuke asked. The rocky ceiling of his chamber gave no response. . . On Sasuke’s sixteenth birthday, Orochimaru procured another gift for Sasuke. He held out a thin wooden box and opened the lid for him. A delicate wooden comb lay in its plush interior.   “For your hair,” the Sannin said.   Sasuke nearly smiled. He was unversed in the finer details of gift-giving, but even he knew that kushi made inauspicious gifts.   “Don't worry about good or bad luck, Sasuke-kun,” Orochimaru assured. He grasped the comb and ran a thumb across its slender wooden teeth, producing a musical vibration. “We won’t need any of it.”   He stepped closer and ran the comb through the front lock of Sasuke’s hair. He was gentle, practicing ownership of his future vessel.   Sasuke froze through the first stroke of the comb, and the next. Then the fine teeth snared on a tangle. Awakened by the twinge of pain on his scalp, Sasuke pulled back. The hairs stood up on his arms.   Orochimaru would soon try to claim him. But Sasuke was stronger than Orochimaru. He fell asleep that night thinking about his next steps.    He woke up and blood was dripping from his eyelashes, clogging his ears. He retched at the scent, acid rising to his throat. He saw his parents’ slumped bodies. He saw Itachi’s red eyes. He heard every sound a clan made as it was slaughtered, then the terrible silence after the screaming had stopped.   His fists clenched in his blankets, but his fingers closed around sand.   There was an ocean in front of him.   Sasuke was chest deep into the cold water when he realized he was not splattered in the blood of his nightmare. He plunged under anyway, because he still felt unclean. He floated in the darkness, his body bobbing with the tide. After some time, his lungs panged in a distant way. He opened his eyes, feeling the burn of the salt. The pain in his lungs worsened until he couldn’t ignore it any longer. Sasuke broke the surface and gasped for air.   When he emerged from the waves, Sakura was waiting for him on the beach. She held out a blanket.    Leave me alone. Sasuke opened his mouth to spit out the words. But he hesitated. Accepting Sakura’s blanket changed nothing in his own time. It would only make his existence a little warmer and drier for the time being. Nothing he did here in this dreamlike world changed anything at all.   Sasuke wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. It was soft and heavy, and smelled of something fresh. Dimly, he remembered this was Sakura’s scent. He dropped to the ground to ease the shaking of his legs. 

Without a sound, Sakura sat next to him. She did not touch him, did not look anywhere except the water. Sasuke dried his face, then ran his fingers through the cool sand, grounding himself. All was quiet except for waves crashing against the pair of rock formations.

As he was slipping back, she spoke. “Take care, Sasuke-kun.”   Sasuke fell into a dreamless sleep. In the morning his clothes were stiff with seawater, flecked with salt and sand. Something hard and round pressed against his palm. Sasuke opened his fingers and discovered he was holding a pebble. Its surface was smooth as water, and it was the same color as the moon.  . . It was another night, and instead of sleep, Sasuke was pulled to Sakura.   She joined him outside. The morning sun shimmered on the water.   “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Like usual, she offered Sasuke tea. As Hime purred against his leg, Sasuke’s fingers wrapped around the cup.    “Hm,” Sakura said, watching him. “If I remember right, this is the last time.”   “The last time?” Sasuke repeated.   “The last time you’ll come here.” She took a sip of her tea. “It’s not the end, though. You’ll see me elsewhere. In other times.”   Sasuke remembered the other Sakura he had met, the first time he had slipped. She was crying, and Sasuke had held her hand. He had tried to forget.   But that wasn’t the first time. An old dream—what Sasuke thought was a dream—came back to him in a rush. A woman with pink hair had given him breakfast. She was pregnant. Her baby had kicked.   Something must have shown on his face, because Sakura said, “I know this is strange. It’s been strange for me too.”   “You know what this is—why this is happening. At least say that much.” Though he tried, his voice had no heat.    “Yes,” she said. “I know why this is happening.”   “How do you know?” he asked.   Maybe he asked the right question, because for once, Sakura gave him a blunt answer. “I know because you told me.”   Sasuke’s throat went dry. “Sakura—”

He didn't know where he was going with that sentence, but it didn't matter. He slipped away. . . . .

Up next: Sasuke forms his team, learns the cause of his time-slipping, and makes some decisions.

Notes: Combs (kushi) are considered bad luck when given as gifts--"ku" means suffering and "shi" means death. This chapter and chapter 7 are my favorites, so I hope you enjoyed! Let me know if you did!!

late update bc I was swept away celebrating how trump was voted out of office!!! he can now f*ck off :)

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Let's Save the Day

Word Count: 1809

Characters: Hatake Kakashi, Uchiha Obito, Maito Gai, Nohara Rin

Warnings: None

Summary: It's the middle of a world-ending war, everything is going wrong, and Obito can't help but think that things might work a bit better in their favour if an old friend showed up

All eyes were on him. Everyone was expecting him to save the day. To put a stop to Madara and Sasuke’s plans and prevent the world from being put into an infinite dream. He could feel the weight of all those expectations on his shoulder, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t figure out what to do.

There was no plan forming in his mind, and brute strength wasn’t helping him win the fight. He was outmatched, even with the entire shinobi army standing behind him ready to fight by his side. After everything he had done to protect all of his friends, it was starting to feel like a lost cause.

“We can’t give up,” Gai’s hand came down on his shoulder, pulling his attention to his side where his friend was now standing by his side. “We have to keep fighting.”

“I know that,” of course he did. It was just starting to feel like a hopeless fight. Like they were doomed to loss, no matter how hard they fought. “We need a plan. Throwing punches at them without one isn’t working.”

“That is true,” Gai sighed. “If only Kakashi we’re here-”

“Well, he’s not here!” Obito snapped. For years he had wished for Kakashi to come back and fight alongside them. To prove the village wrong about him by their side, but he refused. No matter how many times Obito tried to get through to him, or how many times he told him the villagers' opinions didn’t matter. Kakashi always turned his back to him.

“Don’t give up so fast, Obito,” Throwing his signature thumbs up pose out towards Obito, Gai beamed. “Kakashi will be here, I just know it. Until then I’ll keep These two weirdos back while you recharge.”

“Rich words, coming from someone looking like you,” If he wasn’t in the middle of a battlefield, Obito might be tempted to laugh when Uchiha Madara, one of the strongest shinobi known in history, stomped his feet and yelled at Gai. “I might just have to teach you a lesson before I deal with Hashirama, you little brat!”

“Just rest,” Gai continued, completely ignoring the angry god-like shinobi yelling at him. “By the time I’m done, Kakashi will arrive.”

Obito’s eyes widened when he realized just what Gai was saying. “Gai, Wait!” But it was too late. With a calm breath, Gai suddenly burst with chakra. The sixth gate bursting open and his power multiplying exponentially.

Obito had only seen the gates in action once before when Gai opened the fourth gate during the fight against The Akatsuki in Konoha. It was nothing compared to this. So brilliant and bright, Obito found it difficult to look at his friend as the sheer power of his chakra surrounded his body.

“Gai, wait!” Rin ran past Obito, but it was too late. In a burst of incredible speed, Gai was gone. Headed directly towards Madara, determined to hold him off. “Damn it! He’s going to get himself killed!”

She wasn’t wrong. There was no way that Gai would be able to beat Madara on his own, but at the same time, they didn’t have much other hope. They had tried everything. Fought with all of their energy, and they weren’t any closer to winning.

At least Gai was trying something new.

He hadn’t given up, which was more than Obito could say for others. Just looking around the field he could see all of the hopeless, broken expressions. Looks that wrote a story of doubt and fear.

“He has to try,” he whispered, smiling up at Rin when she looked his way. “He’ll be fine. It’s Gai after all.”

Nothing could take Gai down, no matter how hard it tried.

“Well, I hope you have a plan forming in that head of yours,” Turning her attention back towards the fight, she watched as Gai threw a punch towards Madara’s head, just barely missing as the man ducked under his hand and struck a blow to his stomach. “And fast. I don’t know how long he’ll last.”

Unfortunately, he was all out of plans. No matter what he had come up with, it didn’t work. Madara and Sasuke were always one step ahead of him, and Naruto-Sensei hadn’t been able to pull himself out of his slump since finding out who was behind that ugly blue mask.

They were doomed.

“Gai!” Looking up, he watched as Gai took a kick to the chest and was sent flying off to the side at top speed. Apparently, their time was already up.

Digging his heel into the ground, he prepared to run after his friend. To at least be there by his side when he came to a stop if he couldn’t catch him. Before he could though, a burst of orange went flying past him. Brilliant and hot, he watched as it ran between everyone until finally reaching Gai.

Only then did Obito finally see who it was.

The person surrounded by such a brilliant, bright chakra.

“Kakashi…”

Watching as his old friend caught Gai mid-flight, he couldn’t help but smile. After giving up hope and setting his goals on saving the world by himself, Kakashi had finally shown up. He’d made it to the battlefield, and Obito couldn’t be happier.

Together, there was no doubt in his mind that they could beat Madara and put a stop to a war that had already taken so many lives.

“I can’t believe it,” Rin’s voice was soft when she spoke, her eyes glued on the scene in front of her just like Obito’s. Watching as Kakashi pulled Gai close to his body and dug his feet into the ground to slow down their movements until finally coming to a stop. “He actually came.”

Kicking himself for doubting his friend, Obito forgot about Madara and Sasuke for the moment and rushed towards him while Rin followed close behind. For three years he had been chasing Kakashi. Trying to get him to come back home to Konoha and find his peace with his friends once again, and finally, he was here.

He was back.

“You’re late!” Coming to a stop beside Kakashi, Obito threw a punch into his shoulder. Not hard enough to hurt him, but enough that it forced him to take a small step back. “Of all the times to be late! And to think you’d always give me a hard time about being late to training, just to pull this?”

He’s not sure what he expects. Maybe a scolding for ‘wasting time’, or a sharp reminder that it was more than just training he had been late for. What he’s not expecting, though, is to see the way Kakashi looks at him with eyes full of sadness and regret.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, fingers curling into Gai’s shoulder as he stands there. “I...Got lost on the path of life.”

For a moment Obito’s stunned. Unsure of how to respond to Kakashi’s words, but it passes quickly and laughter starts to bubble up in his chest. Slowly, he lets it spill out. Small chuckles at first, and then bright and happy laughter that fills the air around him.

“You’re so…” closing his eyes, he gave his head a shake. “Please tell me you have a plan.”

“Wait, seriously!?” Rin grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around to face her. “After everything he has done, we’re just going to trust him!?”

“He’s our teammate,” Obito reminded her with a soft smile. “Isn’t that right, Bakashi?”

Returning Obito’s enthusiasm with an unimpressed look, Kakashi sighed when the Uchiha didn’t budge an inch. “I guess,” he whispered before turning his attention back to Gai. “That was dumb of you. I expect dumb things of Obito, but you Gai?”

“H-hey!”

“Sorry,” The shocked look that had made its home on Gai’s face as soon as he saw Kakashi disappeared suddenly and was quickly replaced by that signature blinding smile of his. “But it worked. I knew you’d show up if I help him off a little longer, and here you are.”

The logic was flawed, but the results had worked. He was willing to give Gai that.

“Just don’t do something stupid like that again,” Kakashi continued to scold Gai, his hand lingering on his shoulder for a moment longer while that brilliant orange chakra slowly transferred over and started to surround Gai’s body as well. “If we’re going to beat these idiots, we’re going to need all of us.”

A plan. That meant that Kakashi had a plan!

“Before we start,” he cut Obito off before he even had a chance to ask him what his plan was, his hand reaching out towards him. “I need to make sure everyone’s safe.”

Safe.

“You mean…” looking down at the hound hovering in front of him, Obito thought about it for a moment. Kakashi wanted to share his Chakra. To make sure everyone was safe.

What had gotten through to him after all of this time? Why was he suddenly changing his mind about being here with them? Protecting them.

“We can talk about it later,” Meeting Kakashi’s eyes, Obito searched for any sign of ill intent. Something that would tell him that Kakashi wasn’t here for them. That he’d turn against them as soon as Madara and Sasuke were dealt with.

No matter how hard he looked, he couldn’t find anything.

“Alright,” grabbing his friend’s hand, he inhaled sharply as a comfortable warmth spread over him while Kakashi’s chakra engulfed him. Covering every part of his body in a protective body of chakra. “What is…”

“Kurama’s chakra will help keep you going,” Kakashi assured him. “He’ll also protect you, even when I can’t.” Once he was done sharing the chakra with Obito, he turned to Rin and held out his hand towards her. “You don’t have to trust me. You don’t even have to like me, but right now I need everyone or this plan isn’t going to work.”

Watching as Rin glared at Kakashi, Obito waited patiently to see what she would do. Out of the three of them, she had the least reason to trust Kakashi. She had been the one to give up on him first, and the one who had tried to attack him when Iwagakure put his name in the Bingo book believing that he had killed their Jinchuriki.

“I trust you,” She whispered, reaching out to grab his hand and gasping when the chakra started to surround her. “But I hope you know that If you betray us-”

“You’ll find a way to bury me six feet under the ground?” Kakashi cut her off, a playful look visible in his eyes. “I don’t doubt it. For now, though, let’s focus on saving the world from the worst plan I have ever heard of.”

[tranquiltatsumi]

God okay since the canon dorm assignments are fucking insane and honestly look like someone threw darts at a chart to decide where people would be, let's talk about the potential unit dorms- which actually Make Sense- have. I spent a lot of time thinking ab this earlier so here's some hcs:

(Note: Some of these are shippy! Includes Kurokei, Adosou, Kaorei and Ritsumao! Just thought I'd prewarn yall)

Subaru wakes the rest of trickstar up at like 5am every day bc he has too much energy and makes too much noise. Hokke throws everything in reach, including his alarm clock, in an attempt to make him shut up

When was the last time Mao actually slept in his bed? Nobody knows. They have a "you work too hard" intervention pretty much monthly

Kuro and Keito share bunks despite the fact that this almost always ends with Keito on the floor bc Kuro moves too much in his sleep

they always make sure Souma is getting enough rest. very hypocritical of Keito to lecture him about the values of sleep when he didn't come back to the dorm until 3am and there's 12 empty red bull cans in the bin that was emptied last night.

Natsume puts small, mostly harmless curses on tsumugi while he sleeps. things like making it so his shoelaces will always come untied. Mugi considers them friendly pranks (and fair game considering his war crimes)

on the flip side he uses his magic to make things good for Sora. if he had a bad day Natsume will stay up just a little later to make a spell that gives him the happiest dream he ever had. Sora doesn't know he does this.

Ra*bits have movie nights every friday n they have a movie picking rota so that everyone gets a fair shot. they build a blanket fortress to sit in while they watch the movie

Ra*bits cuddle puddle is a common occurrence. they just fall asleep in a pile. Ra*bits 100% most wholesome family

Hajime makes everyone tea every morning without fail, and he's learned what kinds of tea they like and saves to buy a few boxes of each. When Eichi finds this out he starts gifting hajime very specific boxes of tea. tea club gotta stick together

Kaoru is forced to confront his gay thoughts because Rei is too goddamn pretty even in the mornings and he can't ignore it anymore.

Eventually it becomes a common occurrence for Adonis or Koga to wake up and see Rei in Kaoru's bunk (they don't both fit in the coffin. Rei is unimpressed by this)

Adonis spends more time in Akatsuki's dorm than Undead's and Rei is developing concerned dad syndrome- he doesn't know why Adonis is "avoiding" them (don't tell him he's dating Souma he's gonna be so dramatic ab it)

Mao still has to wake Ritsu up every day bc even tho the other members of Knights are there to do it, Ritsu refuses to listen to them.

Izumi has literally sat on him before ad Ritsu went right back to sleep until Mao arrived.

when Mao knocks on the door someone always goes "Hey Ritsu your boyfriends here" and before the two of them actually start dating poor Ritsu gets so embarrassed he refuses to get up even for Mao, because he's bright red and doesn't need Mao seeing him like that.

with both Izumi and Arashi living there, the bathroom has So Much makeup in it. Too much makeup. Most of it is Arashi's considering Izumi spends most of his time in Italy. She has the longest morning routine you will ever see. How is she not always late to class.

One time Leo used eyeliner to write music on the mirror because inspiration struck while he was brushing his teeth. Nobody was particularly thrilled with him for that.

all of Ryuseitai notices Midori's depression like a month after they move into the dorm. cue very concerned chat ab how they can help him and whether he's getting professional help

all of them have forcibly carried him to bed and watched until he fell asleep because he stayed up till 2am to finish work

Kanata fills up the bath and floats in it when he's sad. They have to keep an eye out bc he falls asleep in there sometimes.

Shu still spends most of his time in Paris but he comes back often enough, and similarly to Keito he's a bit of a hypocrite about making sure Mika sleeps enough

Eichi is terrible for drinking too much tea in the evening and not being able to sleep despite being exhausted. Wataru and Yuzuru have taken to offering to make the tea for him and giving him decaf. He knows but he appreciates the gesture so he never says anything.

The fine dorm is often covered in rose petals. If Tori finds one more rose petal under his pillow he's gonna throw Wataru out the window. It doesn't matter that Wataru is like a foot taller than him.

[narutomaki]

90.) “I thought you said no more dangerous stunts?” - KakuKisa

I didn’t mean to make this Factions. And yet.... This one’s a Tumblr exclusive lmao... also not very shippy sorry

---

They panted in tandem, laying back on the sand as Kisame tried to laugh around the ache in his chest.

“I can’t- fucking believe- we got away with that.” Kakuzu shoved at him weakly.

“We’re S-ranked criminals, of course we got away with it.” He coughed into his shoulder, using too much of his little breath to speak coherently. “Fuck.”

“Maybe later.” Kisame said, his grin all tooth as Kakuzu smacked at him. Leaning up he brushed his hair back away from the clasps and took his mask off, reaching over and helping Kakuzu take his off as well; leaning over his boyfriend to press a quick kiss to his lips as he stored the masks away inside his open top.

.

Sasori looked up as they came back, shaking his head and wishing them a silent good luck as Konan rounded the corner right on time, hand already raised. Itachi following with a sorry look on his face for selling them out, and Hidan right behind him shaking with excitement to see Kakuzu get yelled at for a change.

“What the hell was that!?” Konan asked, not giving them space to respond. “Are you aware the risk you could have put them in? Put us all in? I thought you said no more fucking around?”

Kisame wilted and Kakuzu’s lips drew into a thing line. They knew seeing either of the Jinchūriki under any circumstance was beyond dangerous, if they got caught- which had almost happened today- not only would they suffer but Naruto could get put on trial for colluding with an enemy of the state.

“He’s in the chunin exams, I wanted to give him a pep talk.” It was a weak defense if it could have been one at all, they had sent him a secret note as soon as they heard about it, and if they had really needed to talk to him Haku could have pulled him aside to somewhere safer than his house. But they had been getting bored. Beyond bored, really. Everything was moving at a glacial pace with two of the Jinchūriki in the chunin exams they should have been focused on keeping Zetsu distracted, not drawing more attention to themselves. Konan bit her cheek and took in a deep breath to keep from yelling at them more, unimpressed with Hidan’s giggling behind her.

“Okay. Just... don’t do it again, obviously. Haku said they saw ANBU activity increasing so something’s already going to happen in Konohagakure. We can’t afford to be the one’s splitting the ranks right now with Naruto and Gaara still in village custody.” Kisame and Kakuzu nodded, already the high of sneaking in and out of a shinobi village with their chakra sealed was wearing off. It wasn't the worst thing they could have done while on watch, but it certainly wasn’t good either.

.

A month later Naruto sent them a letter with his and Gaara’s “signatures” attached, the two animal paws almost touching on the paper. It wasn’t news Itachi would appreciate, but reminded them of their glaring blind spot.

Orochimaru was still under the control of the Akatsuki, and now had the only remaining Uchiha under his thumb.

[secret-engima]

Nyxsuke is going to be *deeply* unimpressed by Jiraiya isn’t he? Because he was supposed to be there for Naruto. But, oh look, there was no one there. My kid now, (whats a Galahd insult for deadbeat?) And when Nyxsuke does the summon, without a contract? He totally gets yanked to coeurls. The coeurl summon contract becomes the new Uchiha clan summon, except the ones who turn up other interesting Eosian wildlife.

Nyxsuke is ... so utterly unimpressed with Jiraiya yes. Not only did he abandon his godson, but he’s a perv. Nyx is honestly tempted to stab the man, and Naruto, who takes his cues from Nyx a lot at this point, is prickly and wary and dismissive of Jiraiya. Which ... honestly he deserves that lets be real. He abandoned his students in Rain (which formed the Akatsuki later) and then he ran off and abandoned Naruto.

Don’t get me wrong he becomes an ... okay-ish granddad figure from what I’ve seen in fanfic, but that does not excuse his running off and abandoning Naruto and then treating him the way he did when they first met (I have in fact seen the “yeet the CHILD over the cliff to teach him Summoning jutsu” clip and that is SUCH a hard no).

The Galahdian term for deadbeat is probably something to the order of “Voretooth food”.

Also the more I think about this AU the more it could be called “Small Child with Soldier Soul Shows Up All The Idiot Adults In His Life Just By Being A Decent Human Being: More News At 11”.

I’m oscillating between a Coeurl summon contract or a contract with the Messengers of Old (one of which is a Coeurl in my HCs so best of both worlds maybe?). One would be so appropriate for Nyx, but the other would be cool and versatile and I could have fun making all sorts of Messengers. Also picture Nyx summoning GARUDA.

Imagine the look on everyone’s faces. >:D

[nonbinarysasukes]

🔥 unpopular opinion about... the akatsuki?

they fell flat as villains. 

don’t get me wrong - i love the akatsuki and their wildness. it’s just that, as a bunch of ‘world-renowned terrorists’… they shouldn’t have been so easy to take down. sasuke was only injured bc of deidara’s suicide bombing. shikamaru beat the shit out of hidan with ease; pain was a comparatively easy defeat when you look at some other villains in naruto; kakuzu was done for once naruto came onto the scene; sakura screwed sasori over once she figured out his tricks, though she’s a much lower-level ninja compared to him. idk, they had a lot of potential to be set up as final villains, and the pain arc sort of fell on its face… it was sheer unimpressiveness, and i think it could’ve been handled a lot better.

that being said, they’re a fresh archetype! laugh-out-loud hilarious and outlandish, but still with cool and strong powers. those powers could have been put to far better use, and it’s a shame that the akatsuki were handled so terribly. this is just my opinion, though; if anyone has a different opinion please feel free to reblog/drop an ask about it, i’d love to discuss!!

tysm for the ask

[electrasev5nwrites]

Ninja Daily: Vapors 87

"Itachi. Kisame. Report back to the base immediately."

Unimpressed, the two nuke-nin barely bothered to look at the flickering apparition of their leader.

"We were told to report back in four days time," Itachi observed dispassionately. "We will not have time to complete our errand."

"I don't care."

The audible strain in Pein's voice was enough to stiffen Kisame's spine in wariness. Their leader wasn't usually emotive.

"You will report immediately. Itachi, you are the closest to a medic that our organization has. Your skills are required."

The Mist nukenin tried to keep a straight face. Itachi was not a medic by any means. Having copied several medical jutsu did not make him a practitioner of any sort, and although he was competent at the very few jutsu he had bothered to learn, he would probably end up savaging a patient with a problem of any complexity at all.

With that, Pein faded from visibility. Kisame heaved a sigh and stood, slinging Samehada over his shoulder as he went. "Well, that doesn't sound good," he commented sardonically, before turning a toothy grin that lacked joy on his partner. "Think Konan messed up her extraction of her target? That'd be ironic, after Pein got so high and mighty about how incompetent we all supposedly are."

Itachi stood silently. "I do not care to speculate. We shall find out soon enough."

Kisame rolled his eyes, but obligingly set off beside his taciturn partner. "Fair enough. We can find out in person in less than a day if we hurry."

"Well, this doesn't look suspicious in the slightest," Mei groaned, slumping forwards onto her desk. Her day had been absolute hell. After several rounds of accusations and impassioned speeches, most of the guests at her conference had gone home two days early.

It had been damn lucky that she had met with Tokiwa in the dead of the night to get their modified trade agreements ratified, because it didn't look like anything else mildly productive was going to happen.

"Four," she hissed into the warm wood, giving real consideration to banging her head against the surface to see if it would wake her up from this administrative nightmare. "Four kunoichi are just fucking missing from my backyard."

Even if she doubted Tsunade and Temari's version of events about the Ame representative assaulting and kidnapping Aiko, that hardly explained what the hell had happened to Nii Yugito and Fuu.

Temari and Tsunade had seemed as surprised as anyone else, including Samui, who had been found unconscious on the floor of the suite she shared with Yugito (with no idea how she had gotten there except the ridiculous claim that she had been drugged by Mei's people). Konoha's version of events was the official one she was endorsing (how could she not, they were allies?) but by no means the only one bandied about. Mei did not envy Konoha: the Raikage was going to throw an absolute hysterical fit. If this really had been an Akatsuki plot to create dissent, it had done the job nicely.

The only thing that everyone seemed to agree on was that the two jinchuuriki were victims. Whose victims they were varied. Some thought Konoha, some blamed both Konoha and Sand, some thought Mist was taking advantage of having them in her borders, and of course, Konoha was pointing fingers at Akatsuki. That claim was persuasive to Mei, but it couldn't be investigated until they heard back from Rain to see if they would disown their agent or take responsibility. It was a damn mess.

Mei herself wasn't certain if Rain had ordered Konan to make a move against Aiko or if Konan had been acting as an independent agent- or even for a third party like Akatsuki, but she did believe that Konan had been the one to take Aiko. Not everyone was willing to believe that without proof, of course, especially Iwa. Kurotsuchi had been in her temporary office just hours before pointing out that Konan was one woman and Sabaku no Temari had rather suspiciously cleared her quarters of her vulnerable aide just hours before the fight happened.

To be fair, she could see the point in that suspicion, but she had seen red when it was insinuated that Konoha had sacrificed the Uzumaki girl to make the scene convincing. The Slug Queen was a lot of things, but she wouldn't do that to one of her own people, especially not a resource like Aiko. Even if she wouldn't treat the girl well out of kindness, she would do so out of sense. Mei had mostly given up on having an adorable little seal master of her very own, but it wasn't like there wouldn't be takers if things with Konoha didn't work out.

Not that it mattered now. She had the bitter feeling that Aiko was dead, or wished she was. It was still possible that whoever had her would try to ransom her back, of course, but that would mean taking culpability for a short-term gain when they could easily push the blame around.

If Sabaku no Temari was to be believed, Aiko wasn't even the original target. So there was little hope that Akatsuki or Rain would judge her valuable enough to keep alive. Unless they really were stupid enough to think that Tsunade would allow a trade for her brother, of course, was the caveat. The Kazekage might well have given himself up for his sister, but Tsunade was removed enough from the situation to make that call properly. No matter how unpleasant it was.

Oddly enough, no one had even seemed to consider that the two incidents might not even be directly related, which was Mei's gut feeling. How could Konan have gotten two jinchuuriki out of the village when she was already occupied with her failed assault on Sabaku no Temari? She had either had at least one accomplice, or there was another party entirely. Someone who hadn't so much as blinked at the prospect of sneaking two formidable kunoichi out of an area secured against Jiraiya, for the kami's sake.

'That's about the only thing that did go right about this mess. We didn't see hide nor hair of that disreputable mutt.'

Mei's eye twitched. What a pathetically low bar to reach, after all her hard work. Ironic as well. They might have been better off with the hentai in the village, spymaster and all-around nosy twerp that he was. Moodily, she spat a mid-sized glob of lava onto her desk and watched it sizzle through the second draft of her apology to the international community at large. At least she had a couple days before the shit really hit the fan: the last of her guests had left a few hours ago. The remaining Jounin from Lightning would probably be the first to make it home, but her allies in Leaf and Sand wouldn't be home for several days yet to begin demanding that she provide assistance smashing the living hell out of Rain.

There was no way to see what was going to happen exactly, but it didn't take a genius to see that it was going to end in bloodshed. Two jinchuuriki had been kidnapped from her protection, as well as an ally's young rising star of a Jounin. The major villages would be baying for blood before the week was out.

As if the Raikage hadn't been bad enough before.

Two days after original altercation.

"Do you want me to kill her?" Nagato took Konan's cold hand in his own, solemnly watching the strain in her clenching hand as she tried and failed to rebuild her right hip. The wound was unnatural—it resisted her unique abilities in a way that made no sense. The paper she plastered over the gaping maw only curled up and scorched and had to be excised. Had she been anyone else, she would have bled out of her external iliac artery.

"That will not be necessary." A serene smile turned her face into a vision of beauty. Tenderly transfixed, he raised his grip to press a clammy kiss against her knuckles. He tried not to notice her flinch at the feeling of cold flesh against her hand. "If she dies, then my errand was for naught. I'm afraid I have failed you."

He remained silent. She had, but Konan would not be punished for that. She was only human, after all.

She tilted her face up on her pillow, breathing slowly and evenly. "I did have the opportunity to witness her reputed abilities," Konan murmured peacefully. "She does not lack promise. I may have been too forceful when I disabled her, but I feared that she might create more problems once not hindered by the protection of her comrade."

Nagato didn't much care right now, but she wouldn't have brought the topic up without cause. "Oh?" he intoned matter-of-factly.

Her eyes fluttered shut. "I admit that I covet her chains of chakra. Even a flighty child such as that one found no difficulty restraining an enraged jinchuuriki. Were you to persuade her to take up our noble cause, we would find the remaining captures much expedited."

"Unlikely," he mumbled, brushing her bangs off her forehead and carefully pulling the flower off her hair to rest at bedside. "She is close to the Kyuubi jinchuuriki."

Konan seemed to find just enough strength to look up at him with fond amusement. "You have had no trouble convincing less likely converts in past, Pein-sama. Whether it be the promise of her freedom, a peaceful death for her brother, or more direct means, I know that your modesty hides your ability to convince the girl to join us. She is young and in need of experience, but the raw materials are there to become something beautiful. A part of something greater." She smiled faintly.

He didn't reciprocate, but only because he could not. "Your unwavering faith warms my heart, Konan." He brushed a thumb over the back of her hand in silent reward. "If you have seen that the rumors are based in fact, then your confidence in me is great indeed."

She hummed peacefully under his ministrations. "I do not believe that she has the Hiraishin."

The motion of his hand stopped for a moment. "Oh?"

"Yes. Tsunade of the Densetsu no Sannin claims that the girl is the Fourth Hokage's beget, and that rings true. It is also undeniable that she is able to traverse great distances in the space of thought. Yet what I have seen…" Konan laboriously shook her head, hair rustling with the movement. "That is not the technique of ill-fame. Impressive, yes, but not the Flying God of Thunder. I might have believed that she was hearkening back to the method of the Second Hokage, who used it by placing his technique formula on many locations, because she certainly does not use it in the manner of her father."

"But?" A shiver of curiosity actually crept into his tone.

His old friend heard it and seemed content. "I believe that she was attempting to convince me of this ability when she forcibly transported me many miles from the place where we had been. If she had taken me to the land of waves from Water Country, I would have believed. But she did not succeed. Her technique failed her over the water. There was nothing floating there that could have held a technique formula and disguised her mistake."

"Do you believe that she wields some sort of improved body flicker?" he suggested ponderously, pulling his hand back.

"Yes. A remarkable innovation, to be certain, unconstrained by the usual requirement for line-of-sight. But it is not without limit in regards to distance. From my observations, she is highly accomplished in utilizing this technique in close combat. It was merely ill luck and overestimation of her abilities that revealed the lie."

At the word 'lie', Pein almost managed a frown. "A shame that one so young hides behind deception," he stated disapprovingly.

Blue lips twitched upwards. "Yes," Konan agreed quietly. "Though not entirely. From what I have seen, she is impulsive, immature, but clever enough to mix her falsehoods with truth. I no longer doubt that she was the seal master to seal the bijuu of three-tails. I suspect that reputation helped hide the lie."

"I no longer wish to discuss the character of your prisoner." She flinched into her sheets, but serenely lowered her eyes in respect. "If the girl uses a body flicker, she can be kept. I will allow you to decide how to treat her."

"You are kind." She paused thoughtfully. "I am in no condition to attend to my duties, however."

"I will assign someone to the task." Pein rose to tower over the graceful form draped over an exotic chaise, considering the conversation over. "Rest, so that you will be ready to participate in the sealing ritual."

"Yes," she agreed softly, and closed her eyes.

He gave one last look to his most dedicated servant before striding out to inform Zetsu that he could adjust the cocktail of drugs he was giving the prisoner to a lower concentration. She would be in no condition to make any foolish attempts to defy his will even after Kisame and Itachi returned, and it would be unwise to inadvertently rob himself of a possible instrument for his will through something like an overdose.

Zetsu was lurking outside the base when they arrived, which always set Kisame's hackles up. He didn't let that show, dismissively passing his gaze over his nominal comrade. He'd always hated plants, ever since he was a kid. Didn't help that the damn thing was coated in dirt. That wasn't unusual—it was how the fucker skulked around instead of walking. Zetsu was habitually filthy, and stank of weeks old blood.

It was considerably more unusual to run into his illustrious leader with loose soil in his hair. Apparently, he'd been in enough of a hurry to subject himself to the indignity of traveling with Zetsu. It was hundreds of times faster than anything else, but he would never be caught dead pretending to be a particularly vigorous root vegetable. Sure, he could travel under the earth when he needed to, but he had the sense not to roll around in it.

"Itachi, you will first tend to Konan."

If he didn't know his partner incredibly well, it would be impossible to tell that he was annoyed at apparently being signed up to play nurse for more than one idiot. Kisame ran his tongue along his lower teeth and idly sliced it open, then sucked on the cuts that resulted just to give himself something to do other than to snigger at the way Itachi curtly nodded and stalked off to obey Pein.

"Kisame, you will be feeding Samehada. Come."

He didn't bother to hide his grin as he silently loped off behind Pein. "Am I stocking up for two extractions then?" Samehada shivered on his back, scraping through the thick fabric of his Akatsuki house coat (no matter what Konan said, it still looked like an ugly house coat to him). It wasn't an implausible theory that Pein would treat him beforehand. He knew he would be shouldering even more of the burden this time around, seeing as how Sasori and the blonde brat had come down with a serious case of dead.

"No."

A brow raised, he waited for clarification. It didn't come until Pein gestured distastefully towards a shut door and began to step away. "Drain the prisoner inside of all but the chakra needed to maintain regular organ function. After that, wait until I return."

Bizarre, but he wasn't about to argue about a free meal. He half-expected to see a jinchuuriki when he shouldered his way into the storage room that had until recently contained extra chairs. At first, he didn't see anything at all.

He let out a snort of amusement when his eyes did land over the bedraggled figure he'd missed on his first pass of the room. Apparently, his new friend had curled up into a ball. A sharp kick fixed that, and he nudged the prisoner over with his foot to see just what bijuu had Pein so worried that he needed it further weakened before they extracted it.

"Not a jinchuuriki at all," Kisame marveled under his breath. It was a little thing. Probably a kunoichi, but a rather scrawny one, albeit rather generously smeared with blood and dirt. Konan really needed to stop dragging hopeless cases home. Zetsu had eaten the damn cat, so you'd think she'd have learned.

He shook his head briskly. What the hell went through his boss's head, he'd never know. Samehada gave a violent jerk, clearly impatient now that she knew the shivering flesh nearby was hers.

"Easy, girl," he soothed, lovingly drawing the blade over his shoulder and beginning to unwrap it. She convulsed eagerly, rippling and growing slightly in her excitement. His heartbeat picked up, keeping pace with her own thrill-seeking. As the last of the wrappings curled on the floor, he took Samehada by the handle again and pointed her downwards to let her guide his hand.

It didn't really matter where she touched her food, but she had preferences sometimes. One of those being that her food didn't stink like Zetsu or have a fine coating of mud, saltwater (what the hell?) or day-old blood. He found himself flipping the girl over and shoving Samehada's tip under the edge of her shirt just to find a clean spot to feed. With a 'shuck' and a blossoming movement like a rose, his beautiful baby opened up and dug her scales into the available flesh, hooking in and sucking eagerly.

Judging by the dirt all over her, fuckin' Zetsu had apparently gotten his thorns into this one too. He let his lip curl into a snarl, but couldn't even feel the normal irritation at the thought. At least the savage had left enough for his blade to feed on. Satiation flooded his veins, hot and heavy and Samehada's contentment was his own. He barely remembered to warn her to leave enough for the girl to live, numb with purring satisfaction by the time Samehada reluctantly pulled back, dripping hot blood over what had been white fabric in a former life.

"Not bad, kid," he conceded easily, feeling generous enough to kick the unconscious girl back over face-up with his foot to give her a little dignity. Samehada'd liked her chakra. It was hot and tumultuous and very definitely water-natured.

Maybe the boss'd keep her around long enough that there would be another feeding for his baby and not just for Zetsu. The thought kept an easy grin on his face, even as the prone body on the floor began shuddering violently. Probably a little too much blood loss and poor circulation, he judged. If she was moving around, that meant she had passed from unconsciousness to sleep of a sort, so he wasn't remotely surprised when the prisoner began to give signs of waking. He kept one eye on her and one on the door, tapping his heel against the floor in a content stupor. Making sure she didn't run off was both grunt work and pointless, but it wouldn't be much longer.

Eyes that had just a little too much green to match the tides back home fluttered open once, and then closed again.

"Are we awake?" he drawled, leaning over his temporary pet with a fond sort of possessiveness.

The eyes opened again, for longer this time. "We're not sure," an alto that didn't entirely match her appearance rasped out guardedly. "Are we… blue?"

Kisame snorted and bared his teeth. "We are," he agreed with fierce humor.

He half-expected her to cringe away or start crying or something else that would betray fear, but the girl just closed her eyes for a moment before attempting to lever up to a seated position. "Then we're awake, but very puzzled."

Feeling generous, he wrapped his hands around both shoulders to pull her up bodily and then let her slump forward. He didn't have all day to watch a teenager try to re-learn how to sit. "Wouldn't move too fast if I were you," Kisame warned good-naturedly, giving her a bracing pat on the upper back that sent her folding over nearly to her knees, wavering. "Just lost a lot of chakra, and you already looked like something the cat dragged in."

A distinctly unladylike snort was his response. "Hardly. I can take a cat. Any cat. Just point me at him."

Privately, he thought she was full of shit. At least as she was, anyway. Maybe he'd give her credit against a housecat on a better day.

The door opened silently, but she was already looking when Pein strode inside testily, Itachi on his heels. He was opening his mouth to demand something-

"Are you the rebellious one, then?" his pet mused a little drunkenly, surprisingly lucid gaze thoughtfully directed at Pein. When he didn't jump to respond, she leaned forward (and nearly fell) to clarify, "I'm starting to think I've been kidnapped by a boy band."

Pein did look a bit like he belonged in a boy band.

Kisame hooted, exchanging a glance with his partner. Itachi didn't seem to enjoy the jibe, though. Kid needed to lighten up. He looked like he'd just heard that his pet bunny died, for Kami's sake.

In the second that Kisame'd looked away, Pein had shot forward and lifted the girl bodily to dangle across from his eyes with his hand wrapped around her neck. "I do not play games, kunoichi," he intoned sternly, tilting his chin up slightly so that light reflected off the metal in his face. "You will earn yourself a painless death by explaining what it is that you have done to my associate."

The Mist nuke-nin took a moment to regret that there would only be one meal.

At her confused blink, Itachi lazily clarified, "Konan-san's wounds resist medical jutsu."

That seemed to clear things up for the kunoichi, but oddly enough, she didn't look concerned. Her face was turning pink and her toes were reaching for the floor rather desperately, but those were the only tells. Her expression was locked into- hell, that was cockiness if he'd ever seen it painted on a face before. What an ornery little shit, he noted fondly. No wonder Samehada had liked her. Eating prey, well that was fine, but Samehada liked other meat-eaters best.

"Oh, that." She wheezed out her answer in the most dignified murmur possible. "That's a stupid question. You should be asking where else I touched her, and if I'm willing to disarm the seals." And then the little bitch actually smiled. Granted, she looked like she was high, but it was a smile.

Pein's fingers tightened, forcing her flesh to bulge around his fingers. His expression was like iron.

That was stupid of him. If he crushed her windpipe, of course she couldn't explain the problem. Kisame half-expected to see Pein break her head open on the wall like an egg in his uncharacteristic agitation (he must really be attached to his partner) but he did seem to have the sense to restrain himself.

Pein let go completely without even looking down, calm as you please once again.

Little red crumpled at his feet like a discarded sweater. Apparently all she had was mental energy and sass. He valiantly pushed down the amusement that wanted to surface. Not even Hidan was stupid enough to backtalk Pein, to his face or otherwise. Kisame didn't believe the man was a god, but hell if he wasn't close.

"Itachi, ensure that she won't die." With that, Pein pivoted and walked straight back out, probably to worry at Konan's bedside.

He was actually a little curious about that. "What the hell did you do, red?" Kisame bent his knees and reached out to pull her up like a cloth doll so he could see her face. Amused, he grabbed her chin with a thumb and forefinger to stop her head from lolling on her neck. The faint scent of blood clued in him that she'd bitten her tongue when Pein had dropped her.

If the few minutes he'd known her were any indication, that was probably the first time she'd had the sense to bite her tongue.

"I didn't do anything," she slurred. It was a bad lie made worse by the lopsided little smile that accompanied it. "Sometimes old people just have their hips go out. Could happen to anyone."

Kisame tossed his head back and laughed, slapping Itachi's back companionably as he stood. "Have fun with this one, Itachi." The Uchiha gave him one of those impassive looks that all but screamed he was displeased, but he didn't even try to reprimand him.

'Well, I could be in deep shit,' Aiko thought philosophically. She knew that, but it didn't seem quite real. The situation was so absurd that it just couldn't register. 'I think when I get home, I'll write up my own ransom note in advance to cut out the middleman and just pin it to my shirt so that we all know where we stand the next some Akatsuki hits me over the head with a brick. Where did Konan get a brick?'

Her situation was probably slightly worse than being kidnapped by a boy band, but only slightly. What were they going to do, kill her? If Pein had placed no value at all on her life, he would have done so then. He needed or wanted her for something, and if it had just been for information about Konan's injuries he would have been more persistent.

'There's a big gap between 'they aren't going to immediately kill me' and I am safe to go skipping through bunny forest,' she tried to remind herself. But for some reason, she just couldn't seem to stop and focus on the worst that could happen. She felt… flighty and distracted.

Which was dumb, because if anything, her aching head and the oozing scratches and gouges all over her hands and arms should be grounding her to the real world.

Oddly, it was only after Kisame left that the ominous 'ba-dum' of Jaws music began thudding in her ribcage. She didn't want to be alone with Itachi.

"I don't want to be alone with you."

Aiko blinked, mildly surprised and covered her mouth with a palm. That wasn't supposed to come out. She licked compulsively at the blood in her mouth. It wouldn't help, but she was so very thirsty.

Uchiha Itachi seemed to be pitying himself. Both of him were. But he left the room wordlessly, and for a moment she thought she had won that battle of wits. She celebrated by gingerly lowering herself to the floor and closing her eyes.

"Noooo," she grunted, trying to bat away the creepiest boy band member when he told her to sit up. Itachi seemed to give absolutely zero fucks, however. He demonstrated that irritating lack of regard by briskly propping her up and placing a cup of something hot in her hands.

"Drink."

"Is it the blood of my enemies?" she asked tiredly, hoping that would put him off. Also, slightly hoping that he hadn't really given her a cup of hot blood, because now she was committed to drinking it.

(Outside of her line of sight, Itachi cringed. That was truly abhorrent).

Suspiciously, she cracked one eye open. Green tea?

"You must hydrate, so that you can stand long enough to clean yourself. I refuse to wash you, yet your wounds are filthy. If you do not wish to die, drink."

That was blunt. But it did make sense.

"I don't want you to wash me either," she admitted honestly, stiffening her elbows at her side and tipping the mug up to her mouth obediently. Dehydration bad, makes blood worse. No. She frowned. Makes blood loss worse.

Yes. Aiko smiled faintly, breathing in the fumes from an exceptionally good cup of tea. For all that he scared the absolute fucking crap out of her; Itachi probably wasn't going to poison her. Akatsuki had probably already done that, and judging by the stiffness in her limbs and the ugly yellow crusting on the wounds she could see on her arms, they hadn't treated her first.

That had been her first hint that her survival was hanging on a thin thread. They had captured her and brought her to some kind of headquarters, but they hadn't busted their asses to get her medical attention in the course of at least a day. They would have made more of an effort if it had been decided that her life was actually important, rather than just possibly convenient at some point in the future.

Another girl might have hunkered down and tried not to piss them off. But that was rabbit talk. With no idea as to what would please them, she wouldn't lower herself to pretending to cower. If there was an obvious, immediate benefit, then hell yes, pride at cost of life and limb was for dead suckers. But otherwise? No. She hadn't been killed in her sleep, so unless Deidara's zombie corpse leapt out from behind the curtains to get revenge she would take her chances with Akatsuki's dubious hospitality.

'Still, threatening Pein was risky.'

Despite her attempt to scold herself, she felt a stupid smile creep across her face. Damn, she was having an oddly difficult time restraining her emotions. It had been a mitigated risk, as well as a thrill. She had set the groundwork to convince Pein that she couldn't be killed. Not if he valued Konan, anyways.

It was even a partial truth. She wouldn't risk trying to transport herself in this state. Aiko liked her own skin, thank you very much. She had failed to reach a destination in a much better condition in this, and she was on the heady sort of state where she could lose consciousness at any moment. Oddly enough, she might be safer here than in the wilderness while passed out.

But that self-interest hardly extended to Konan, and she honestly didn't see a way that she could fuck up blowing the woman's head off. Cutting off her connection to the seal would be easier than moving herself to another seal.

If she were to move to another seal, though, she had two very interesting candidates. One of them about a mile away seemed to be Nii Yugito's. The one nearby was probably Fuu's, by virtue of elimination. She couldn't think of who else Akatsuki would have kidnapped that she had tagged so recently that she hadn't learned their chakra signature.

That meant that she had at least two nuisances to take care of before she made her own grand escape. Leaving them here would be shooting herself in the foot and enabling Akatsuki. Plus, she'd already marked them and they were now hers. Akatsuki could get their own damn jinchuuriki if they could beat her to them or pry them out of her cold dead hands. And, you know, stop her from stealing them, as she completely intended to do.

Aiko stifled a snort, rolling her head into the space between her arms with the cup held aloft.

'Eh. Later. I won't be any better off dragging someone else off with me on my adventure to the wilderness than I would be alone if I can't trust them, and that's assuming I don't end up leaving someone's leg behind. Yugito-chan might take the chance to smother me, assuming she's in any better condition than I am.'

And that seemed spectacularly unlikely, seeing as Akatsuki was probably planning to murder her and Fuu by ripping the concentration of demonic energy inextricably intertwined with their own life forces out.

Really, there was absolutely no way that she could leave this situation without those two jinchuuriki, with at least one of them alive to corroborate her story. It would be better for their bodies to be found in the same place than for her to break free and leave the other two. Konoha would be razed to the ground within a week—no one would be able to take that as anything less than an admittance of either guilt or criminal negligence, since Konoha had been the ones arguing that Akatsuki was incredibly dangerous.

A giggle surprised her, and the force of it shook her body and the hands curled around her cup. The tea inside sloshed up against the side for a moment.

Odd. That hadn't been funny at all, even by her admittedly macabre standards.

Then her tea was gone, and she found herself accepting a cold glass of water and three small pills of varying colors. She tried to give Uchiha an inquisitive glance, but got a face-full of 'I'm not taking your shit today' and Aiko meekly swallowed them. He was both bigger and badder than she was and had demonstrated a worrying carelessness in regards to stomping her in past.

Ew. Iron pills, maybe? Whatever they were, they wouldn't be chakra pills, judging by how unbearably drained she felt. Chakra levels that low had to be purposeful.

And that, she suddenly realized, was downright bizarre. Enough so to make her suspicious. They had to know that she was a Hiraishin user: Konan had seen her use it, for crying out loud. This wasn't some random sap like Sasori who had been blind-sided by her ability. If she was awake, that either meant that Akatsuki was run by incompetent lunatics or that they had something else to keep her from leaving. A trap that she didn't yet see, in other words.

Did that have anything to do with why she had been drained of chakra? Granted, that was a sensible precaution in any type of prisoner situation. It made the victim physically weak and prevented them from using jutsu or genjutsu at the risk of dipping into their own life force to do it. Aiko valued her own life enough that she wouldn't be trying to do anything that involved more chakra expenditure than the finger-spark jutsu unless they left her alone long enough for her reserves to fill up a bit.

'I know something totally awesome that requires less chakra than the finger-spark,' she wheedled. Aiko could set hundreds of Hiraishin without dipping into the bulk of her reserves. Even as she was now, she could probably lay down at least a couple of explosives after her head stopped pounding.

"Are you deaf, kunoichi? I have no intention of carrying you."

Oh. So apparently he was talking to her again. Wobblingly, Aiko forced herself to her feet, feeling distinctly less like a predator than she usually did. This lack of coordination was like, Bambi learning to prance kind of bad.

She ended up using the wall as a brace while she followed Uchiha out. Well, followed wasn't exactly the right word, since he was apparently too thorough to allow her behind him even in her current state, but he didn't seem to want to walk behind her either.

"Wash the contagions from your sores as best as you are able. I will have to sterilize them afterwards regardless."

For someone who seemed to speak almost exclusively in monotone, Uchiha Itachi could do a good job of sharing his disgruntlement.

But hey, at least he was enabling her to clean up. A shower would do her some good at this point.

"Motherfucker!"

Aiko actually bit her lip, hard, and turned her face down away from the spray of water. Okay, so not so relaxing when she was covered in open cuts on her shoulders and head. Her excellent constitution was probably the only factor she had to thank for not being a fevered mess right now—whatever was wrong with her, it wasn't a fever—and it had apparently done nothing for Konan's Death-By-Paperwork jutsu. That jackass.

'It's unhealthy, how much I'm beginning to dislike that woman,' Aiko noted thoughtfully. 'Am I just being petty because she kicked my ass?'

That would be an unhealthy attitude to take and one that could lead her to compromise her ability to function around an opponent who had already proved to be the superior combatant. It really wasn't a good idea to let things like that bother you if you wanted to live very long.

A few moments' contemplation and self-evaluation was all she needed to vindicate her feelings. Nah, it wasn't that. Konan just really rubbed her the wrong way.

Thus satisfied, she gritted her teeth and gently scrubbed at her body until the green washcloth turned an ugly brown, almost black color that matched the foul buildup around the drain. Apparently, Itachi or whoever had stocked this bathroom didn't give one single fuck if she smelled like flowers and sunshine as was her due, so she rubbed the bland soap over her hair as best as she could and resolved to sneak back into the house in Konoha to steal some of Karin's fancy shampoo in apology to her poor hair.

"Oh shit, Karin," she realized belatedly, dropping the bar of soap with a clatter. Aiko squeezed her eyes shut and tilted her face up to catch falling water on her tongue, letting the hot water warm her insides when it trailed in.

Depending on how long it had been, Karin and Naruto might already know what had happened. Fuck, they were going to freak out about her impromptu vacation to Chez Akatsuki.

'Probably my whole team will magically know that I really am freaking princess peach ten minutes after Tsunade gets back to Konoha, gossips that they are.' Aiko leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the cheap ceramic wall piteously, suddenly consumed by a bit of shame. Here she was, impassively checking through what she wanted to do before she brute-forced her way out of this hellhole (assuming that she could) without even thinking that her family and team would probably be upset. She had no idea how Sai or Sasuke would respond, to be honest, but it probably wouldn't be a shrug. Yamato and Kakashi… were they going to be disappointed with her? This was definitely a situation where they would say she was being reckless.

Would they? She frowned confusedly. They weren't unreasonable. If she explained her reasoning, they would be able to understand her situational assessment even if they didn't like it. But it wasn't like worry for a comrade was an entirely logical experience.

So, yepp. There would probably be a scolding. If she'd had Mitsuo's ears, she would have flattened them against her head.

'Am suddenly both depressed and grateful that I do not have adorable yet overtly expressive dog ears.'

She shut the water off and gave a disdainful look to her filthy clothes on the floor. Since Itachi had apparently become secretary of her bodily functions, he could be her maid too and clean them up.

"Is he expecting me to put those back on?" Aiko pursed her lips, and toed her tanktop over her bra in a half-assed concession to dignity. Well, tough shit for him. The towels in this joint were apparently sized for Kisame's scaly ass, so she felt perfectly comfortable winding one around her body and stepping out into the hall.

It seemed that Itachi had gotten bored with waiting for her to finish showering. What a crap maid. With a shrug, she picked a direction and started exploring. He would find her eventually.

But the man she found in the kitchen wasn't Itachi, Kisame, or even Pein. His back was to her, but she saw short, dark hair and one of the emblematic cloaks, so she felt free to assume this was one of her captors.

"Yo," Aiko greeted. "Your maid is pretty bad, could I trouble you for help? Am like, super naked over here."

"Tobi would love to help! He is a good boy." The man, comparable in height to Itachi or Kakashi, turned around with a smile in his childishly high voice and an orange mask on his face.

'Oh dear. That's not good.'

[createdbyinvisibles]

A summer delicacy

  If you were to ask someone the exact objective of Team Taka, you would get a surprising variety of answers. This cause to the effect so to speak was because Team Taka, like any team, was a reflection of its leader, a leader who was absolutely belligerent. So it was indeed a surprise when even with all of this in mind, Suigetsu, the mischievous water gremlin he was, somehow convinced Sasuke to buy him jelly. The rare and expensive Hakuto jelly to be correct.  

  ""Simple peaches," home of the famous Hakuto jelly", not in a million years, would I have thought I'd be able to come here." Suigetsu stated in quiet awe of the shop that stood before him, Sasuke, in turn, rolled his eyes.

   "And you're certain that Itachi would come to a place like this?" Sasuke grumbled, his eyes scrutinizing the tiny shack that was this fabled establishment Suigetsu was so worked up about.

  "Well, didn't you say to yourself that Itachi had a bit of a sweet tooth?" Suigetsu asked, to which Sasuke nodded.

  "Well if Itachi had any basic sense of taste, then there is no doubt in my mind that he'd want to come to the shop, with some of the best fruit jellies ever made. It's practically a right of passage into heaven, not that I'd actually make it into heaven, but might as well try it before I get kicked down into Hell am I right?" Suigetsu teased only to have Sasuke walk ahead of him into the shop grimly.

   "We're here to collect information, I would hate to see you get sidetracked," Sasuke commanded, annoyed, as usual. Suigetsu giving a scoff followed Sasuke into the shop trying his best to keep upbeat, for he'd instead have hell freeze over then let Sasuke ruin this day. It was a hard task though, for no matter how many days he spent with this team, he never failed to hate Sasuke's pushy orders from the first time he met the duck butt.

                                                           ❤

   The shop was cramped, and in the unbearable summer heat, this day brought, it was nothing short of torture for Sasuke, glaring at the sun he sat on the pathetic hunk of splintered wood this establishment called a bench. Suigetsu however, didn't mind for he was simply enraptured by four peachy orange domes jiggling in happy harmony on his plate. "Suigetsu, remember our objective is to scout for Itachi," Sasuke remarked impatiently, he, believe it or not, was actually trying very hard not to lose it. But as the beating sun soaked into his dino head, he might well have been using chakra to keep himself in the emotionally vacant state he was in now. 

   "Yeah, yeah whatever," Suigetsu muttered, his full attention onto the jellies themselves and with wide eyes and a slight tremor from his hand he took a bite of the jelly he had long craved. With the plop of Suigetsu's spoon falling to the bench, Suigetsu was frozen in what could be described as the best he had ever felt in years. His racing with thoughts also felt as blank as ever, nothing mattered, and somehow everything did. And as the refreshing jelly dissolved on his tongue, he could feel streams of water fall from his eyes.

    "Suigetsu, don't tell me you're actually crying over some jelly," Sasuke scoffed but when he heard nothing, not even the slightest sneer from Suigetsu. He darted his blank jet coloured eyes over to find Suigetsu with his face on eye level with the jellies, his tongue scraping one of the jelly domes in some desperate way to conserve his sacred dessert. In response to this, Sasuke felt nothing but pure disgust for his teammate and with urgency stood up. "I'm going to look for information, I'll be back later," Suigetsu didn't listen, didn't care.

                                                         ❤

   "I'm very sorry sir, but the last four we had on stock were just bought," A service lady informed Itachi, his blank stoic face hiding his personal disappointment and frustration. It hadn't been an easy feat to reach this place, his heavy black cloak doing him no favours against the beating summer sun. And now it seemed he would have to turn back, again, it was like clockwork how this shop always seemed to be out of stock every time Itachi so much as thought, about stopping by to try this rare delicacy. Was it karma, perhaps? A possible grudge? No, that couldn't be possible, no one really knew of the Akatsuki, and he doubted a small-time shack would not only know his identity but harbour a grudge on him. No, he was simply unlucky, and with a shrug, he walked out to find on a shabby chipped wooden bench, two out of the four jellies he had sought after. 

   Suigetsu finishing his second jelly dome was about to move on to a third but stopped, he felt like he was being watched. Mimicking a stretch, Suigetsu turned his head slightly to find a tall cloaked blank-eyed man staring at him intently as if it was his plan to be noticed all along. "Hakuto jelly can be found in a variety of places, but what makes this place special is it's the use of fresh mountain mineral water and homegrown peaches, peaches that on their own are worth its weight in gold." Itachi clinically stated as he took a seat on the bench next to Suigetsu, his eyes fixed onto the two untouched domes that seemed to be worth its weight in platinum. 

   "Oh, thanks for the fact I guess," Suigetsu rolled his eyes, he didn't like being stared at, much less while he was eating. 

   "Is that by any chance a spoon," Itachi asked. It was a wonder to Suigetsu on how he noticed the spoon in the first place, since Itachi's eyes never seemed to have left him.

    "Yeah, it came with my meal, but it felt foolish to risk the jelly falling onto the floor. So I decided by eating it directly I could minimize the amount of food I spilt." Suigetsu explained, the blank-eyed man nodded quietly in response, and before Suigetsu could ask who he was, he was suddenly snapped back into reality. It was then that Suigetsu realized he was under a genjutsu and a powerful one at that. As Suigetsu went to resume eating his jelly, he saw a spoon resting intrusively in the place that belonged to his sacred dessert. "It seems your hunch was wrong, Itachi was nowhere to be seen," Sasuke grumbled, promptly bringing Suigetsu out of his train of thought. 

   "It's gone," Suigetsu muttered aloud to himself.

   "What's gone?" Sasuke inquired irritated.

   "My jelly…" Suigetsu trailed off. "My jelly!!!!" Suigetsu exclaimed  angrily.

  "You mean the jelly on your cheek?" Sasuke responded cooly, utterly    unimpressed with Suigetsu's little outburst.

  "That wasn't me," Suigetsu exclaimed subconsciously, licking the remaining jelly on his cheek, the sweet flavour calming him down.

  "It wasn't you? Okay then… If it wasn't you, then who was it?" Sasuke humoured slightly with a glare.

  "...The cloak man!" Suigetsu exclaimed in angry realization. 

  "The cloak man?" Sasuke asked skeptically.

  "He must have knocked me out, to eat the jelly... But when?! He was making eye contact with me the whole time…" Suigetsu trailed off in deep thought to the grumbles of Sasuke.

  "So let me get this straight, you think that a cloaked man knocked you out and ate the rest of your jelly. Despite the fact, you never saw him do anything and left just when I saw you with the jelly all over your face?" Sasuke asked in irritation.

  "Yes," Suigetsu answered in such seriousness it caused Sasuke to close his eyes in utter exasperation. 

  Letting out a deep sigh, Sasuke then turned his back to face Suigetsu's confused figure. "Suigetsu?" Sasuke called out coldly.

  "Yeah?" Suigetsu answered.

   "We're leaving to meet the others now, you have one minute to follow me. Don't waste my time." Sasuke demanded, spitting his words out like pure venom before he stomped off. 

   As Suigetsu watched Sasuke stomp off, it was then he realized it was probably not the best idea to ask him to buy more of the jelly he was cheated out of by that mysteriously cloaked blank-eyed man.