#aha it's monday
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Always...
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I am so sorry in advance todays update leaves off on a cliffhanger-
#listen#I tried to get the last half of it done to post monday but the stars have been the OPPOSITE of aligned the past few days aha#anyways#update will be out in about 5 hours?#going to be a bit late#work calls o7#but I will finish up the second half of the update as soon as I can#end of the week maybe?????
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"well, well, well," i say to myself, the phrases 'due 5th january 2024 14:00', 'due 8th january 2024 14:00' and 'due 15th january 2024 14:00' staring back at me, "if it isn't the consequences of my own actions. we finally meet."
#sophie's idle chatter#cue jojo music bc shits abt to go down (its me. im shits.)#i am !! so very fucked !!#but u know what happens when we are fucked? we ball.#throws up i have tonight + tmrw + friday morning to do my portfolio (which is pretty easy its just the references ourgh)#and then the weekend to do a 7 min voice-overed presentation due for monday (the worst one tbh bc of the voice over...)#and then the whole of next week to do a poster for my campaign#aha... ahaha..... ha.... a........#drowns in a puddle of procrastination why do i do this to myself
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sebastian vidal. arasaka's special little attack dog, absolute powerhouse, and one insane bastard.
#cyberpunk 2077#male v monday#gamingedit#teehee (^:<#oc seb#have you seen him are you looking at him are you seeing him#if you saw this earlier no you didnt#and we ignore the fact the gun isnt positioned properly i didnt realise until after i quit the game AHA XXXXX
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alright, I need about 3.8mil gil yet today so order of operations on that is gonna be beast tribe dailies, dungeons I can solo to turn in gear for seals to buy coke, listing as many crafting crystals as I can afford to give up on Q'ihnn for sale, and then rinse and repeat on Ophianne
also thank you to everyone who has offered to give me the gil I need for this, I really appreciate it it's so sweet of you <3 unfortunately im insane and this is a personal challenge now but if I'm still at this by 11pm maybe, uh,,, maybe I'll accept some help aha
#i also have irl money insecurities which kinda translate over in game#like just accepting money from people feels weird aha#especially cause im already going out with friends tonight and the place we're going is $25 per person to just get in#and that's before food#and i already had to make a deal with my friend that she would just pay for me tonight and i'll pay her back monday when i get paid#so like the irl money issues Will Not let me accept anything in game right now aha#chewing my own foot off in my enclosure rn fr
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Lil man is 2 months old today 🥹😍
#whAt#how#i literally just gave birth#crazy#my lil big man#he weighs more than 5 kg now🥹#heavy boy#aha#happy monday#bells be speaking to herself
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on todays episode of "mental health issues that could easily be solved by one single thing that i dont have", GET A MICROWAVE!!!
i just know SO many of my eating related issues (not all obviously but a LOT of them) would be solved if this house just had a goddamn microwave
today i ate like... 1/4th of those small frozen pizzas, 1/3rd of a grilled cheese, and 1/3rd bowl of macaroni and meatballs. and yall wanna know why i didnt eat the whole thing of any of them? its cause my stupid adhd ass took too long to eat and the food got cold. and then i Cannot Eat That anymore. so even though i was still hungry i didnt eat the rest of it and just went back to rotting on youtube shorts and being too hungry to do anything and feeling dumb and unproductive and being guilty of making food that i dont eat. just... feeling like a big ol' waste
but the thing is, if i just
✨owned a microwave✨
i could just reheat the motherfucking food and still eat it and not feel like ive wasted that food. ((because since that food is wasted i feel guilty about making it, so i dont make any more food until next meal time, but then i didnt finish that either cause im stupid and eat too slow.))
but we dont have a microwave. only an oven. and yeah maybe i couldve reheated the 3/4th pizza or the grilled cheese in the oven, but then again the oven uses a lot of electricity. and my mom is always complaining that i turn the oven on, forget that its on for a while, and that im wasting electricity. and i was too tired and hungry to deal with that possibility. plus with the oven theres a chance i forget it too long or have it too hot and burn the food and that would just make me feel worse
but we dont have a microwave, because my mom thinks having a microwave leads to "eating more unhealthy foods that you just heat up" instead of "real food". so i didnt reheat any of my food. so i didnt eat it. it got to the point where it got cold and gross so i just threw it in the trash and hope my mom or grandma doesnt notice.
but if i had a microwave, i couldve reheated that food. and i couldve eaten it. ((and yeah, maybe i wouldnt have ate the whole thing, but maybe half at least? that counts right? well it dont really matter if it counts or not cause it didnt happen.))
and then maybe i wouldnt have been feeling like im gonna faint the whole day and maybe i wouldve gotten literally anything done instead of just scrolling on pinterest and youtube shorts for hours and feeling worthless. and maybe if i ate i wouldnt have hurt myself today
but nope. no microwave. it leads to "unhealthy" habits. i guess not eating enough to count as even ONE full meal is healthier since its not "microwave food"
thanks mom
#tw eating issues#tw self harm#btw to my irl friends. if you see this no you did not#sorry honey if you see this. cause i know you like my mom and think shes really nice#which she is!! most of the time aha#the hurting myself happened bc i usually have sprinkled cheese on my macaroni and meatballs#but i used all the cheese in the sandwich that i binned#which made me feel like such a fucking idiot and a waste#so i started crying#and i took the metal lid from the boiling macaroni pot and pressed it to me leg for like 10 seconds straight#fun fact: im really good at muffling any sound when im in pain. haha#it didnt feel like enough though. my knife drawer had stuff infront of it but theres a loose screw on my table#so i ripped that across my skin a couple times#some blood came out but not “enough” pain#so then i had the very strong urge to hurt MORE#and intrusively imagined what id be like to take a knife and drive it into my stomach#which was a little shocking cause i havent had THAT thought in a while#AND THEN i remembered i have my swedish final on monday and i have to make a speech and i havent even chosen a topic yet#and that ill have to meet the swedish teacher that is the reason for the only times i have ever cried or cut at school#and then i had another like... daydream hallucination thing about telling my asshole swedish teacher#that the reason i dont have a speech is cause i realised id see him on monday and wanted to kms :3#kinda still feel like cutting and i scratched myself with the sharp screw a bit more but at least venting about this helped a little#yall if i look my teacher in the eyes and tell him he makes me want to kms and that his behavior and attitude HAS made me cut myself#and that i pray to god he treats his own children better than he treats his students#think hed let me skip the test? yes or no?#god i feel so dizzy rn#but i dont wanna make more food and have to throw it away. i wish we had snacks in this house#wish’s whispers#personal vent#this was a lot of tags aha
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Somebody yell at me to do things
#void chatter#been in bed pretty much all day#(yes it's Monday. yes school goes till 15th. don't ask why i didn't go today)#which also means minimal food and hydration (aha. headache. and dizzy)#and i was planning to start the diamond picture today smh#at least i didn't do anything bad? that was tempting but I'm fine 👍#well shit. this just turned into a vent oops#tw vent
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two nosebleeds in one morning. god gives his bloodiest battles to his sexiest soldiers
#personal#babygirl what did i do to deserve this aha xx#second one started on my way to the train station i inhaled so much blood god bless#literally feel like i got pulled out of the sewers after 500 years and am now forced to be a regular adult man. heck#anyway endterm prep is today and i can feel the anxiety in my teeth which is like. the final stage before nearly passing out#so that's fun. all things considered i'm doing peachy though i'm chilling in the train right now#i love trains so much. i can't tell you much about them because for that i'd have to read information and i can't read#but i do love them. last monday i saw the thalys again and i nearly exploded from excitement#i also love the new double decker trains we have... well the old ones were better in terms of outside design#but the interior is nice :)#forget about the top/bottom discourse tell me would you rather sit upstairs or downstairs in a double decker train#i'm an upstairs boy. i like to be tall
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Well said.
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Anddd Friday's linework is done! Cant wait to see everyone the 17th...
#the week is going to be a trip buckle up#its uhhhh#def longer panel wise than the last week event#its over 150 panels................................#(last week event was just 130ish)#and technically??? fridays update is not even really done#it can be as long as I feel ngl#whatever I dont get to ill get to later anyways sooooo#but imma let myself take a break for the weekend though <3#THEN after my nice break I can watch everyone cry at me#btw theres a slight chance#mondays update is coming early#by like#2 hours sooner#something something scheduled family event I found out about last minute aha#so I may just post the update and then DIP#we will see though#ill let you all know when the monday update is coming soon as I can/know
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maybe having the ichor of two dragons animated short looped while im doing my portfolio assignment is a bad idea (<- screaming, shaking, crying bc it hurts but also dan hengs shout made me giggle a little)
#sophie’s idle chatter#throws up ive done like. half of two sections and barely touched oke section#20 ish hours is fine. i can do this. as long as i dont get sidetracked. cries.#im leaving the group debate reflection to last bc that will take up more brain power than the other two sections combined#its basically an essay but 850 words max with 10% leninecy 🧍♀️#sighs 850 words is nothing when im in the flow….. i need to stop typing sm and learn how to actually condense 💀#anywho !!! if i dont post me crying tonight and/or tmrw just know this killed me and ill probs be doing my 7 min voice over presentation too#bc thats due monday. aha. what is the meaning of life. 😞
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“when i was a kid they tried to take my blood and i bit the doctor”
--Bobby grown-firefighter-captain Nash everybody
#valid of you Bobby honestly#also aha i have to take my 4 y/o to have a little blood taken on Monday please tell me this isn't prescient#live blog#season 1#911 1x08#z#in my 911 era#911hiatus2023
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I think I finished my finals project :)
#ill ask the prof if its good or nah on monday. and perhaps go get it printed.#gonna buy cardboard too bc it has to be glued to something#and i have officially passed the year + wasnt the person who skipped most classes!!!#i skipped ~300 hours and one guy beat me by like. 3.#since hes passing im passing too aha
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