#but imma let myself take a break for the weekend though <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[intotheelliwoods]

Anddd Friday's linework is done! Cant wait to see everyone the 17th...

[momentofmemory]

it’s almost the end of october, which means one of the greatest, most terrifying exploits known to writers is upon us: NaNoWriMo.

there are plenty of super good survival posts out there, but as this’ll be my seventh time participating (six wins, hoping for a seventh), i thought i’d drop my own set of tips into the mix. i’m going to focus mostly on the practical details of how to write; if you want tips on the writing itself either search the writing/reference tags or pester me to do another one later :P with that said, ~on with the post~

Step One: Figure Out Your Goal

i know, i know, obviously it’s to write 50k, but what does that mean to you? are you expecting

polished prose, ready to send off to a publisher?

being able to write every day? 

just throwing up a bunch of ideas?

a mix of everything?

all of these are valid, but they’re going to require different approaches. if you want jaw-dropping writing, you’re going to need in the ballpark of five or more hours each day, if not more. if you want consistency, you’ll want to look at your normal schedule and set up a couple times you know you can write at. if just you want words, pretty much all you need to make sure is that you squeeze writing time in whenever.

your goal will probably change as the month progresses, and that’s totally fine. just check in every so often to remember a)what you’re working for and b)if it’s actually plausible. speaking of...

Step Two: Realize Your Limitations

1. Typing.

imma get super practical here: your typing speed dictates how fast you can get done. if you write 40wpm (the average), you cannot write the full 1667 in a half hour any more than you can run a mile in under three minutes. it’s honestly not a bad idea to check out your own speed, if only to help you understand yourself better. in my experience, actual writing then works like this (using my max speed, 89, as an example):

Absolute Max: 89 wpm (baseline)

Warring: 70 (75% of baseline)

In the zone: 45 (50% of baseline)

Taking my time, concentrated: 22 (25% of baseline)

anything lower than your max/4 probably means you’re spending a lot of time either researching or staring at the page, so just be aware of that.

2. Time & Focus

this kinda goes without saying, but best case scenario this is at least 1-2 hours of your life a day, or dedicating full Saturday/Sundays if you’re a weekend warrior kind of person. it’s so, so worth it if you can make time for it, but also don’t feel bad if you can’t! doing a half nano (25k) or whatever you want is also a fully acceptable plan.

that said, if you do have time, figure out your focus too. if you’ve never been the kind of person that can type for six hours straight, you will probably not magically become this person when it hits Nov. 1 (though with practice, you might be by Nov. 30). i like trying to write at least 300 before work and another 300 during lunch. that way there’s only 1k left for the evening, and having words on the page just makes me feel better. experiment with different ways of blocking out your time in the first few days and see what works best for you.

3. Don’t Forget You Live in a Body

writing is hard work, you will need to eat brain food! hunching over wrecks your back, stand up and stretch every so often! you will hate existing if you forgo sleep for days! and for the love of charles dickens, patron saint of getting paid by the word, take care of your mother-effing wrists!!

seriously on that last one. i’ve ignored it in the past and thoroughly screwed up my wrists one year; don’t be me. keep in them in a neutral position, do regular stretches, and if you need to, get wrist wraps (i recommend these).

Step Three: Actually Doing the Thing

the previous steps have had pretty broad advice, but now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. these are mostly things i know work for me, and therefore may not for you—adjust to your own needs!

1. Write for 15 Minutes Every Day, Non-Negotiable.

i don’t even mean this is a “write 15 min and then your brain will be tricked into writing more” kinda way, but like, literally. you’re probably not going to be able to do 1667 every day—sometimes you’ll be tired and just won’t have the time. you’re very likely, however, to have 15 minutes, and you’ll want to use them. Doesn’t matter if you write 50 words or 500 in that time, at least you’ll have done something, and that’s usually enough to keep you from feeling like just giving up the next day.

2. You Might Need Physical Spaces

i’m a pretty sensory person when it comes to writing, and having a dedicated writing space is so helpful for me. going back to the idea of being an embodied person, it’s a lot easier to get your brain into a writing mode if your body’s already there. some good options include:

coffee shops (cozy! food!)

a specific room in your home (easily accessed! do what you want!)

libraries (free! quiet!)

a friend’s house (writing buddy! easy access to sounding board!)

all of these places usually have access to wifi, which is a positive.

3. You Definitely Need Digital Spaces

i pretty much always write in the same processor, once again because it helps set the mood. the main options include:

google drive (solid choice, cloud backup, mobile accessible)

dabble writer (cloud backup, links to nano, dark mode, chapter options)

write or die (only for actual writing—a scary but effective motivator; save elsewhere)

word/pages/etc. (ready to go on your computer, formatting options)

scrivener (great plotting tools, detailed interface)

i use dabble writer myself (they’re a nano sponsor, so you can get it free for this month, and as a double bonus you get it half off for the rest of the year if you win). and no, i’m not getting paid to wax poetic about them, but honestly i’ve used it to win the past two years and i adore it. 

anyway my biggest tip here is that i SUPER SUPER DON’T RECOMMEND NON-CLOUD OPTIONS. it’s very risky, but if you must, do a proper back up at least once a week. that shiz is not worth it.

4. The Timer is Your New Best Friend

because i’ve heard this argument before: no, it’s not a crutch, and no, it’s not cheating. it’s literally best practices. i’m personally a big fan of this online timer, and i let it run for 15 min every time i write. after each session i check how many words i wrote, then after maybe a quick 1-2 min break, start over.

you can totally set the timer for longer or shorter periods, depending on what works for you. i’m a fan of the 15 min sessions bc it’s just long enough to get a bit of flow going, and just short enough that i can convince my spacy brain that we can get through it without wandering. it’s also a fantastic length for warring, if you’re down for that.

5. Write That Idea Down for Lewis’s Sake

the original idea for the chronicles of narnia came to c.s. lewis when he was at a restaurant, and thank the lord, he wrote it down on a napkin. he wouldn’t write it until some time later, but if he hadn’t written it down, he might’ve forgotten it. why is this important, you ask?

BC YOU WILL FORGET THINGS.

if you have an idea, write it down in your phone or your notebook or the waterproof paper in your shower, because i don’t care how sure you are that you’ll remember it, you super won’t. i’ve forgotten many solutions to plot holes in my time and i still hold vigils over their graves. don’t be me. write it down.

Step Four: Managing that Inner Critic of Yours

all right, pay attention. i’m not going to tell you not to edit, because i would be a massive hypocrite if i did. i totally edit during nano. the important part is letting your editor help you win, not hurt you. and that means gaming your critic’s system.

1. Have a Dedicated Deletion Section

many people hear “don’t delete anything” and baulk, because for some of us it’s distracting and we want to rewrite that section until it matches our vision. so, i’m here to tell you: delete it!! rewrite entire chapters!! just save the original content as part of your word count. this is another reason i love dabble, bc at the start of nano i just make a separate part of the book, label it “delete”, and any time i’m writing and dislike a sentence/paragraph i just dump it into that folder and move on. this way you still get to keep the numbers (and why shouldn’t you? you wrote them!) while also writing words you actually like. plus, sometimes that line you deleted in ch. 1 winds up being supremely pertinent in ch.15, and now you can just copy/paste it instead of having to try to remember what exactly you’d said.

2. Acknowledge Ranting as a Time Honoured Tradition

think there’s no precedent for that 2K diatribe you wrote on the london underground? well fear not, because you can’t possibly do worse than hugo’s entire chapters worth of content on the french sewer system! or melville’s frankly terrifying obsession with the finer features of whale biology!

like, yeah, maybe you’ll decide later you don’t need it, but for now, embrace that soap box. dead white guys have been doing it for centuries and still get places in college syllabi. the least you can do is give it a place in your word count.

Step Five: Have Fun!

i know, i know, it’s cliche, but seriously. if this isn’t fun, or at least rewarding, why are you doing it anyway? so enjoy it! send passages you’re proud of to your friends! daydream about it in the car on the way to work/school! cry over a notebook about the twist you just came up with! nano’s a time of fun and exploration, and you shouldn’t miss out on it because you’re thinking too much.

also, this might be counter productive to put at the end of an essay on nano, but don’t obsess over reading essays on nano :P there comes a time when one must simply do, and nano is pretty much the definition of that.

[zoesrose]

TEXTS; ZOE & YAS 

pt. 3 - April 2021 - June 2021

APRIL

yasmin puckerman

Hey, you up?

zoe rose

Yes. Is everything okay?

yasmin puckerman

yeah yeah, everythings good I’m just up. Smoking out my window and was just thinking

zoe rose

Thinking about what?

yasmin puckerman

Thinkin bout you

wyd?

zoe rose

I just finished smoking. Laying here. Eating that candy you left here Saturday.

Exactly what about me are you thinking of?

yasmin puckerman

damn that’s where I left that

Your ass mostly

Them dimples you got right above it

zoe rose

I'm glad you mentioned the dimples because I was going to point out that my ass has nothing on yours.

I'll save you a piece.

yasmin puckerman

nah it’s cool, you can eat it. I’ll survive I do have exceptional cheeks

zoe rose

Alright.

You do.

yasmin puckerman

That’s not all I was thinking about tho

zoe rose

Tell me.

yasmin puckerman

we never talked about the night at the empire. Was that what you wanted? I’m

am I supposed to want to go on another d

Idk this shit I got is loud

I’m trippin

zoe rose

That’s not a clear answer. Tell me.

yasmin puckerman

you had a good time right? When we went out that one night

zoe rose

A very good time, yes.

Did you?

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah My bad for whatever I said after. It was just more than usual. I don’t get pushed life that

zoe rose

I didn’t take it to heart, it just meant I did a good job humiliating you. I liked pushing you.

yasmin puckerman

I liked it too

zoe rose

I can’t afford the Grand Empire again but I would like to do that again

yasmin puckerman

being there was hella fun but that wasn’t what made it good so, that’s whatever

zoe rose

The dinner part deserves a redo. Something less stuffy.

yasmin puckerman

so you trying to do the whole thing again?

zoe rose

We don’t have to.

yasmin puckerman

let me plan this one?

zoe rose

This one... date?

yasmin puckerman

Saturday or whenever We don’t have to call it that

zoe rose

Saturday.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah, dope Saturday. Yessir

zoe rose

liked this

Goodnight, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

Night Sir

yasmin puckerman

hey wassup?

zoe rose

Hello, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

what you up too?

zoe rose

Currently? Walking around campus. Hitting that back spot that looks over the water.

yasmin puckerman

oh so you chillin chillin

zoe rose

Yes

Everything okay?

yasmin puckerman

yeah all good. I don’t got nothin to text about, I was just being nosey

zoe rose

You could always come be nosy in person.

yasmin puckerman

yeah true Drop a pin?

zoe rose

Drop a pin, what?

location

zoe rose

Do I come across as an egotistical, saditty serial killer?

yasmin puckerman

egotistical? nah wait is this a trick question?

zoe rose

But yes to the other two?

yasmin puckerman

I didn't say that are you good?

zoe rose

I've been compared to Hunter Clarington and I don't like it.

yasmin puckerman

who tf is that? you need to throw down with someone? I could be in the mood real quick

zoe rose

He's a new Dominant that's taken an extra interest in Marley. She said he reminds her of me and I don't like him, so I needed to ask.

yasmin puckerman

Oh well I can't go fighting Marley

zoe rose

I would never ask you to.

yasmin puckerman

remember this?

zoe rose

So I am that type of Dominant? You really pulled some screenshots on me.

yasmin puckerman

I'm just saying, my feelings on that still stands why you saying it like its a bad thing?

zoe rose

Fuck you're right. I don't know why I'm feeling this way.

yasmin puckerman

bro, are you dropping? wyd, Sir?

zoe rose

Laying in bed. About to smoke this bowl. You?

yasmin puckerman

I was just about to roll

you got company?

zoe rose

No.

yasmin puckerman

do you want some, Sir?

zoe rose

Yes. Come over.

yasmin puckerman

ok dope omw

zoe rose

Door's open.

yasmin puckerman

you feeling better?

If you got a min this week to fit a session

lemme know? (leaf) (smoke) ahead of time maybe? Gotta clear it with the boss them

zoe rose

I’ve got minutes. Tomorrow afternoon.

yasmin puckerman

aight I’ll see what I can do

yasmin puckerman

yooo

you doing shit with your partner toni

do they sleep in your bed? I got the nig

your (plug) got gummies and shit rn?

zoe rose

He always does. Should I text him? He can have it delivered in an hour tops.

yasmin puckerman

yessir, pls $25 of nerds ropes or cookies or sum and a Q of that(fire) for me

zoe rose

You're missing something.

yasmin puckerman

yeah I didn't think that was gonna cut it forever

please and thanks, Sir?

yasmin puckerman

I'm starting an escort business wait that's not how that sounds hold up does it counts as that??

zoe rose

You're going to have to elaborate.

yasmin puckerman

I'm escorting this dude to town tomorrow for a few bucks I could be doing that a couple times just on a weekend morning and bank.

zoe rose

That's smart.

yasmin puckerman

thanks. I be thinking sometimes

zoe rose

You should charge by the hour.

yasmin puckerman

yeah, 35 the first 2 and 20 every hour after.

easy money I need to get shit in town myself tomorrow.

zoe rose

Good girl. Using this as an opportunity?

yasmin puckerman

You wanna swing by Trixie’s surprise party with me Sat?

zoe rose

Sure.

What will you be doing next week?

yasmin puckerman

Chillen Triple weeks no classes

Might pick up a few extra work shift tho, since imma be missing hours for this universal trip

zoe rose

I will also be working my ass off to rack up money.

yasmin puckerman

keepin on that grind  

zoe rose

Then maybe this Summer we can go on an actual trip. You and me.

yasmin puckerman

oh you tryin to steal my ass away for the summer??

zoe rose

Just a part of it.

yasmin puckerman

I like the sound of that.

zoe rose

I'm thinking Miami.

yasmin puckerman

dope I hear Miami jumps

zoe rose

I've been once. It does.

yasmin puckerman

theres a whole other semester to get through first

I'm really about to savor this break bc I'm hella tired of going to class

zoe rose

It's just a few more months.

yasmin puckerman

months

how did your midterm go?

zoe rose

It was fine. Yours?

yasmin puckerman

yeah good, same hb Marley?

zoe roseBOT — 04/24/2021

Hers went smoothly as well.

yasmin puckerman

Thats good no one to square up with

zoe rose

There's always next time.

yasmin puckerman

that makes me miss smight flub

zoe rose

We could go into town next week.

yasmin puckerman

yeah? I'd be down for that

zoe rose

Consider these official orders.

yasmin puckerman

Yes, Miss Sir. cool cool cool, dinner first?

zoe rose

And dessert after.

yasmin puckerman

the dessert is me right?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

knew it

zoe rose

Come over on Monday too. Since we don't have class.

yasmin puckerman

I would start and end the week with me too if I could

zoe rose

See you Monday, Yas.

zoe rose

I was thinking of renting a car to drive up to Universal. Would you like to ride with me and Marley?

yasmin puckerman

You just want a back seat roller I'm on to you

zoe rose

You could always drive and I could be the back seat roller. I'm not discriminatory.

yasmin puckerman

Aight but if I drive we getting there in 2 and a half minimum

zoe rose

No. I'll drive.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I knew you were all dry jokes

zoe rose

We'll leave Monday morning.

yasmin puckerman

You got it, Sir. I gotta remember to get my shit packed

zoe rose

Then you can pack my shit.

[ ... ]

Kidding.

yasmin puckerman

probably cause you don't want me picking all your outfits

zoe rose

All of my outfits are the same.

yasmin puckerman

Imma pack my bag and yours with my clothes

zoe rose

No. You're packing your bag and I'm packing mine.

yasmin puckerman

don’t worry. Just jokes I like your style how it is anyway

zoe rose

You're still coming over tomorrow night, correct?

yasmin puckerman

yep You planning to do anything special with me?

zoe rose

What do you want me to do to you?

yasmin puckerman

oh shit I hadn’t thought it throu No ones tied me up in a while

You wanna fuck me til I’m mad about it, Sir?

zoe rose

Wanna try that again?

yasmin puckerman

fuck, really?

I swore I had that one! Okay

Will you tie me up and fuck me til I’m mad about it pls, Sir?

zoe rose

That's better. I would love nothing more.

yasmin puckerman

You want some company now too?

I'm out on my board rn

zoe rose

I always want your company.

yasmin puckerman

So I don't gotta ask? what happens if I just start showing up?

zoe rose

My always wanting you here does not negate your need to ask for things you want.

yasmin puckerman

Do you ask for things you want? Or you always just waiting for me to do it?

zoe rose

I'm sure I've asked for you to come over on several occasions.

yasmin puckerman

when I have time I'm pulling receipts wait, that was a yes right? cause I'm already on my way

zoe rose

That was a yes.

yasmin puckerman

dope

MAY

zoe rose

Are you all packed?

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I think so I suck at packing

zoe rose

I think I over packed.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah? I think I got more toys than clothes.

zoe rose

I got my clothes in one bag, my shoes in one, my make up in another, and my shit in it's own bag too.

yasmin puckerman

Damn you got four bags??

zoe rose

My make up and oiud bags are small so they barely count.

zoe rose

Before I forget, you're under my orders Friday night and Sunday.   And I would like for you to spend Sunday with me and Marley at Disney world. Please.

yasmin puckerman

I mean, since you asked so nicel Friday, yes Sir. Got it. And hell yeah I wanna go to disney. I don't wanna take your time away from Marley though so, you sure?

zoe rose

Perfect. Marley has me to herself on Friday and Saturday, so Sunday the three of us can  spend the day together before we drive back to GroveKey.

Friday is our birthday, so if you'd like to you can give Marley a present. Though I do not want anything. Just to fuck you Friday night.

yasmin puckerman

Oh shit, that's good to know

Did I known that already??

I'll definitely grab her something.

zoe rose

Thank you.

yasmin puckerman

I'm not saying I wont get you anything tho

zoe rose

I suppose I can't stop you.

yasmin puckerman

yup

tell me more about this birthday sex?

zoe rose

I don't think you really want to know. Not asking like that.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah maybe I don't It's your birthday so, whatever you want not that it's not always whatever you want you know what I mean

zoe rose

It'll be a nice surprise for you.

yasmin puckerman

You should let me surprise you tho

zoe rose

I don't like surprises.

yasmin puckerman

not even sexy ones in the shape of me?

zoe rose

Not even those

yasmin puckerman

aight

If you say so

zoe rose

You could always tell me what you wanted to do ahead of time so it’s not a surprise

yasmin puckerman

See this why you’re the smart one between us

zoe rose

So tell me.

yasmin puckerman

how bout I just keep myself ready for friday. you could tell me when to edge over text while you're out having your day whenever you want, on the dime that way by the time your birthday sex comes around I'll already be so fucking desperate for whatever you want to do to me or not do to

if I had hit you with that friday morning you woulda been mad?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

cool good

zoe rose

I would also like to dress you that day and on Sunday.

Those can be my gifts.

yasmin puckerman

I'm down but thats not your gift nice try tho

zoe rose

It will be better than any material thing you could get me.

yasmin puckerman

well you can just like it more than a  legit thing, that’s fine

zoe rose

Deal.

yasmin puckerman

(laughing)

(peace) (alien) (kiss)

yasmin puckerman

heyyyooooo Happy Birthday

zoe rose

Thank you.

[ 10am ] Now edge for me.

yasmin puckerman

yeah okay. But wait, can I bring you and Marley's gift by before you leave?

zoe rose

The correct response is 'yessir'

We'll wait for you.

yasmin puckerman

aww YESSIR ok cool, thanks oh shit wait hold on. [ ... ]

(mastur.gif)

zoe rose

loved this

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

omw

zoe rose

[ 12:37pm ] Edge again.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir. got you.

masturbate.gif

zoe rose

Fuck. I can't wait to fuck you tonight.

yasmin puckerman

listen YOU can't wait???

this the second time you edged today too ooor

I'm already hella ready for you, still wet since the first time

zoe rose

That's exactly how I want you. Tonight, I want you dripping.

yasmin puckerman

fuck yeah you got it what time you guys coming back? not that I'm rushing you I'm just you know, wondering

zoe rose

Around 9pm. Why? Are you desperate already?

yasmin puckerman

I'm always desperate when you say you're going to fuck me

zoe rose

Is that so? I'll keep that in mind every time I say that.

yasmin puckerman

you gonna be thinkin about me thinkin about you?

zoe rose

I can absolutely admit to that.

yasmin puckerman

dope that mean I got you wet too?

you got any hints about you're planning to enjoy this birthday sex?

zoe rose

I haven't decided yet. There will most certainly be some choking and humiliation involved. Perhaps I'll suffocate you with my pussy.

yasmin puckerman

well damn catch me making sure this seats all clean for you, Sir.

I don't even need air

zoe rose

I’ll be sure to remember that.

[ 2:54pm ] Again.

yasmin puckerman

mastur.gif

can you see how wet I am? these panties been done for, i'm gonna have to change before I head out

zoe rose

Actually, don’t even wear underwear. And wear a skirt. I’m not done with you.

yasmin puckerman

tf am I gonna get a skirt fro yes, Sir

yasmin puckerman

[ 20 minutes later ]

zero underwear, promise

zoe rose

Good girl. As soon as you get to where you’re going, you’re going to slip into the bathroom to edge for me.

yasmin puckerman

imma have to go wipe my thighs anyway so, might as well

zoe rose

Good, I like that you're dripping.

[ 7:21pm ] I'm on my way back. Edge again.

yasmin puckerman

fuck sorry, there was a line for the bathroom

(mastur.gif)

how long does it take to get back, Sir?

zoe rose

I'll be back in my room in less than thirty minutes.

yasmin puckerman

bet. I'm gonna be waiting there wait no, do you need a min?

nah i'm just gonna be waiting th

zoe rose

By the time I get to my room, I expect you kneeling in front of my door.

yasmin puckerman

oh than fu

yes, Sir. you got it. Imma be there.

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

Did you know it was mothers day?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

I didn't now I feel like a dick

zoe rose

It's not too late to call her.

yasmin puckerman

I'm waiting for my brother to finish

zoe rose

He beat you to it?

yasmin puckerman

The first time ion think either of us got through but yeah, he did

It's okay, she'll still love me

zoe rose

I'm sure you're fine.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah it was fine, she wasn't mad I told her about Disney Thanks for the invite today

zoe rose

Thank you for indulging Marley.

yasmin puckerman

Nah, that's light work she made it really fun

zoe rose

Yes but there was a lot of things I wouldn't with her that you did.

yasmin puckerman

I had a good time so, it's np did you?

zoe rose

I enjoyed you and Marley having a good time.

yasmin puckerman

I guess thats not a no

zoe rose

It doesn't matter because it wasn't for me. The person who was supposed to enjoy it did and that's all that I wanted.

yasmin puckerman

what would you do for your birthday if it was just for you? besides me, obviously

zoe rose

Sitting on the beach, drinking and smoking. Then maybe a car show or something later in the night. Before coming going home with you for birthday sex.

yasmin puckerman

you wanna do that next weekend? the retirement homies around this island are always having car shits, bet theres something

zoe rose

Yes. Please.

yasmin puckerman

dope I only work until 1 sat

zoe rose

Then you're under my orders for the rest of the weekend.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir. I mean, except I got a 6 to close sunday but beside that it'll be dope

zoe rose

We can hit the beach again before you go into work.

yasmin puckerman

you look good on the beach, so I'm down

zoe rose

I'll get the cooler ready.

yasmin puckerman

you wanna dress me?

zoe rose

For the car show? Yes.

yasmin puckerman

cool I like when you do that

zoe rose

Good. I like it too.

yasmin puckerman

loved this

yasmin puckerman

Can this be a regular thing?

zoe rose

You being mine for the weekend?

yasmin puckerman

yeah. Exactly that

zoe roseB

I want that too.

yasmin puckerman

I just might have to work sometimes. Like we did this weekend tho that’s cool, yeah?

zoe rose

I think it worked out this weekend like that.

yasmin puckerman

I think so too, Sir

it was dope

zoe rose

I think so too.

yasmin puckerman

From Saturday morning next week?

zoe rose

Yes, standing orders.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir

zoe rose

Good girl. Goodnight, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

Goodnight

yasmin puckerman

hey

morning or whatever

zoe rose

Good morning, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

What you up to today? Besides dumbass class

zoe rose

Just that. Bored out of my fucking mind, you?

yasmin puckerman

mood. same. everyone is always like, you don’t even enjoy the kink classes? Like I’m obviously only taking kink classes. It’s still book work and listening so, I’m still

zoe rose

Especially in the intro classes.

yasmin puckerman

I joined a study group

zoe rose

For what reason?

yasmin puckerman

to copy ppls work also I like the girl running it, she’s sweet

zoe rose

I should have known there was a cute/sweet girl involved.

yasmin puckerman

at least I know what motivates me blonde and everything

zoe rose

And here I thought I was the one set in my ways

yasmin puckerman

whats your thing? brats who are full of themselves

zoe rose

That one is actually new.

yasmin puckerman

hmm, getting adventurous

zoe rose

Seems so.

yasmin puckerman

well I'm hella happy to help  

zoe rose

Send me a pic

yasmin puckerman

of me like right now?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

zoe rose

liked this

Good angle.

yasmin puckerman

I’m hella sexy from all angles so, thank you

zoe rose

Yes, you are.

yasmin puckerman

Send me one, Sir?

zoe rose

Say please.

yasmin puckerman

Please, Sir?

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

thanks

saves image

yasmin puckerman

Mind if I kick it with you between a class today or sum?

zoe rose

No. Bored?

yasmin puckerman

Imma see if you’ll let me ask nicely to go down on you.

zoe rose

Ask nicely and we'll see.

yasmin puckerman

If I start saying what I know you’ll say before you say it, that gonna piss you off?

zoe rose

I'm not making any promises.

yasmin puckerman

damn, cause you know I’d like it

zoe rose

So go ahead and try me. What will I say?

yasmin puckerman

hb I just count my lucky stars today and ask where I should meet you? So I can ask properly

zoe rose

My place.

yasmin puckerman

okay cool thanks, Sir

zoe rose

liked this

zoe rose

Today is my turn to ask if I can go down on you between classes.

yasmin puckerman

wait you’re ASKING me???

say pleas

Uh, hell yes I don’t gotta jump through a hoop first?

zoe rose

No. I just want your pussy on my mouth.

yasmin puckerman

fuck yes wherever you want, Sir.

zoe rose

Your room exactly three minutes after our second class ends.

yasmin puckerman

I'll be right on time

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

I work til 9 tomorrow, you gonna be busy?

zoe rose

I am not. Are you wanting to start our weekend early?

yasmin puckerman

Yes please

zoe rose

Yes, come over after work.

yasmin puckerman

cool also I gotta reup pls, at least a Q

zoe rose

Alright just send me the 70

yasmin puckerman

thanks

zoe rose

liked this

[ ... ]

unliked this

What do you want to do tomorrow night?

yasmin puckerman

you wanna go out?

zoe rose

Out to a club?

yasmin puckerman

yeah, I could get changed at work, meet you back at campus?

zoe rose

Yes. I'll come by your play before you go to work. Pick out when you're going to wear for the night.

yasmin puckerman

okay dope yes, Sir How was your week?

zoe rose

It was satisfactory, no complaints. I went to class, smoked, chilled. You?

yasmin puckerman

It was good, flew by They been doing that lately

zoe rose

I like it.

yasmin puckerman

must be cause of all the relaxing I do come weekends

zoe rose

Is that what we call it? Relaxing?

yasmin puckerman

that’s what I’m calling it its relaxing for me well maybe not always in the moment, but afterward, overall, that shit

zoe rose

Yes. That makes sense.

zoe rose

You sent someone to bring me coffee?

yasmin puckerman

bomb coffee did you like it?

zoe rose

I almost slammed the door in his face.

yasmin puckerman

oh no but you didn’t?

zoe rose

His only saving grace was saying your name. Otherwise he would have gotten the coffee thrown in his face.

yasmin puckerman

damn coffee is hot

wait are you mad?

I should have told you it was coming, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that

zoe rose

I'm not mad. Just thrown off.

You should have.

yasmin puckerman

my fault, I’m sorry

did you like the coffee th

maybe I could make it up to you later?

zoe rose

You're tasked with finding a girl for both of us to fuck at the club.

yasmin puckerman

yes Sir hell yes I'm all over it, any preferences?

zoe rose

Your type. I want to watch you dom someone.

yasmin puckerman

fuck okay yup, I'll keep my eye out

zoe rose

Good. Do you like the dress I chose for you tonight?

yasmin puckerman

Imma look so fine

I like everything you pick for me

zoe rose

I like everything I pick for you too.

yasmin puckerman

[ later ] I got her

coming back rn

zoe rose

I'm in Private Room 6.

yasmin puckerman

okay damn, perfect is this gonna be a just me her thing? or like a me her... me her you?

zoe rose

I'm only watching tonight.

yasmin puckerman

cool, okay dope just give me like 5 mins, Sir?

zoe rose

5 min and not a second more.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir

zoe rose

liked this

yasmin puckerman

I know I just left but, can I come over?

zoe rose

You really should have just stayed with me the extra day.

yasmin puckerman

I thought I'd be a big girl and sleep in my own bed tonight but nah

zoe roseBOT — 05/31/2021

Come here.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir

zoe rose

liked this

JUNE

yasmin puckerman

do you wanna fuck me at lunch, Sir? please? I'm in a hella bad mood

zoe rose

No. I’m not in the mood.

yasmin puckerman

okay you good?

zoe rose

Yes. Why are you in a bad mood?

yasmin puckerman

because it feels like a Monday

and I'm irritating

zoe rose

You’re irritating?

yasmin puckerman

YES me.

annoying tf out of my self

zoe rose

Take a smoke break. You'll feel better.

yasmin puckerman

you're so fucking right oh shit, thats why! I slept in so I didn't have time to this morning

zoe rose

You're welcome.

yasmin puckerman

i thought I was just in a fight with me thanks, your wisdom is plentiful

zoe rose

liked this

We got this new strand, Skywalker OG. You want?

yasmin puckerman

hell yes and also yes please

zoe rose

Good girl. You'll be getting Chinese food later on tonight.

yasmin puckerman

okay dope but I might only be able to swing a 8th rn, I gotta check the funds

zoe rose

Pay me back next paycheck.

yasmin puckerman

music to my ears

zoe rose

Mhm.

yasmin puckerman

you were def right

and I hella want to kiss you

I feel better now

zoe rose

Good.

yasmin puckerman

hey

zoe rose

Hello.

yasmin puckerman

fuck I wasn’t expecting that

zoe rose

I know.

yasmin puckerman

is this an invite? or am I being teased?

zoe rose

It's always an invite.

yasmin puckerman

yeah always? I get out of work in 55 minutes.

zoe rose

Not that you're counting or anything.

yasmin puckerman

yeah I am def counting 54 minutes

zoe rose

And how long does it take you to get here?

yasmin puckerman

20 mins ish

zoe rose

Door's open. Come into the bedroom naked.

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah yes Sir.

zoe rose

liked this

yasmin puckerman

holy shit the pride tourist wave has hit grovekey it's been so fucking busy

zoe rose

Are you getting paid more?

yasmin puckerman

[ backdated ] I wish I was bout to go on a break though so I got a solid 15 mins to sit my ass down

zoe rose

Only a couple more hours. FT while I roll?

yasmin puckerman

I was just about to ask that

3 more mins and I’m headed out back.

zoe rose

Yes. Just call.

[ see here ]

yasmin puckerman

I just rolled a fatty, want me to come by?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

Orange soda?

zoe rose

Yes, please.

yasmin puckerman

Dope. I'll be there in 5

hold on munchies kicked in and I'm staring into this vending machine like it owns my life do you think I want a reeses or a kit kat?

zoe rose

I thought you were waiting to smoke with me. We both want Reeses.

yasmin puckerman

nah I said I rolled I had one ready one my way home before I showered and changed maybe I should go with skittles. that meatball sub I had at work is not sittin right, chocolate probably wont help

Or them little mini cookies

zoe rose

Mhm. Not cookies, you just said chocolate won't help.

yasmin puckerman

so I don’t work sat but there’s an alum event I want to hit up at 7, do I need to ask permission or some s that cool with you Sir?

zoe rose

Which event is that?

yasmin puckerman

poker night

well it’s a men’s only thing but I wanna see if they’d let me ride and I’m cute or whatever, I’m sure I can convince somebodies rich daddy

zoe rose

Okay. You’re still ordered to my room after.

yasmin puckerman

dope It goes to 11 but I don’t think I’ll need that long to clean up$$ and head out

zoe rose

Where is it going to be held?

yasmin puckerman

someone said it was gonna be at that oak club place

zoe rose

Will you need an escort?

yasmin puckerman

yeah I will

zoe rose

Want it to be me?

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah I was gonna just figure something out but that’d be dope I’m so mf good at poker

just gotta find out what the buy in is so I’m prepared.

zoe rose

if there's a difference you can't make, I got you

yasmin puckerman

If it come to that, I’ll give it right back after I triple it

zoe rose

Alright.

Which seminars are you signing up for?

yasmin puckerman

Just the switch one if I’m gonna be forced into an extra class this week at least it’s Miss Bakers she aight

zoe rose

That's smart.

yasmin puckerman

you pick any?

zoe rose

I'm looking now. I might just do the TPE class since it's in my wheelhouse.

yasmin puckerman

yeah might be interesting, good thinking

zoe rose

Besides me dressing you, have you ever experienced TPE in the submissive role?

yasmin puckerman

nah but, I’m taking that intro class right now

zoe rose

I want to explore that with you.

yasmin puckerman

like an all day thing?

zoe rose

Starting with a few rules. Then leading up to an all day thing.

[survivor-mesopotamia]

Ep. #2 - “Shit ain’t over till the fat lady sings and I didn’t warm my pipes.” (Cameron)

Day 4: Well. I survived my first tribal council of the season, and even though it went exactly according to plan, while I slept my entire day away, I'm still really hesitant to tell myself that I'm doing well on my tribe. I'm really nervous that my tribe mates are playing me, and that I'm really boo boo tha fool here. I called Megan post-tribal, and I was finally able to get some closure on something that happened between us in our personal lives, which felt really good. After that, she asked me about the idol, to which I had responded "Wait, Julian didn't tell you?", which hopefully sows some seeds of doubt in Megan about Julian. Ideally, if the Enlil tribe has to go back to tribal council, the four of us can bear witness to a Megan vs. Julian war. Because unfortunately, the connections I have outside Enlil, are shared with either Julian or Megan. If Megan and Julian are going after each other pre-merge, or during a swap scenario, I don't have to share those connections anymore. After that, Megan and I just talked about the nudes we received during quarantine ~ I then promptly ran to Will to tell him about the potential crack I just formed between Julian and Megan, which was met with genuine excitement. I think I'm really gaining Will's trust, and I think we vibe so well together. Love that guy! Overall, it wasn't a very productive day because I woke up at 4:30p PST. Love that for me, thanks for shading me @ Tribal Bodhi.

going into this scavenger hunt as the tribe that went to tribal last is worrysome. It's a challenge that's fully dependent on our activity, so we are at a serious disadvantage against the other two tribes that get to choose someone less active to sit out. We don't have that luxury. The point/life system eases the blow, however, since we can get less active players 1 life while more active players can get 3. In case we lose, I'm trying to connect with everyone on the tribe. I really don't want to vote anyone out though. I have an alliance with Julian and JJ, and one with Will on the side. Chrissa wants to work with Julian, JJ and myself, and I think Megan and JJ have something on the side. I'm nervous for who would be the target in the vote, and any vote would hurt all of our games collectively. Hopefully we win because the next vote will not be easy AT ALL.

Done w typing this sheet

jj and zachary are so fucking annoying to this challenge and if i vote for you first at the swap, its probably because youre typing too much during this challenge sorry not sorry xoxo - sincerely johnny a month from now

let me be clear with andrew I was not calling his hosting unfair i was calling the fact that a majority green item giving him a point unfair not the hosting but lack of yellow, also i have a headache i don't feel that good. and I just don't think zach should have had a point for it nothing against hosting obviously i watch a movie trivia thing where literally they have a challenge to challenge any questions that are unfair, that doesn't mean they are calling the question writers or the answer writers unfair. 

Zach just won the tribal challenge for us which is fantastic. We can maintain the illusion of a unified tribe longer, which keeps us together in a swap situation, and Zach has clearly painted a challenge target on himself over the last two challenges which will make him go before me if our Triforce ever becomes the minority. I'm really happy with my position in the game right now

me and monty trying to find the idol and decode this annoying ass video https://imgur.com/a/lu7sbMu

Forgive me father for I have sinned it's been approximately three days since my last confession so far can't complain really we be winning they hating we be riding pretty damn clean I've got a majoritu alliance I didn't start so odds of it falling around me and being the first voted out slim to none thank the sweet baby jesis and all that good shit. Oh well that's all for now

JULIAN’S HOST CHAT GUEST, ZEE:

I am filling in a confessional because you told me to. I am in front of my fan because it's hot. I'm thinking that it seems pretty stupid to ask me for a confessional. Julian's prod chat isn't very interesting because he's distracted.

also just threw out madison's name to johnny. if this shit backfires on me ill be ):

https://youtu.be/Pqck1gayfJU

https://youtu.be/FMay7NycsPw

yo yo yo homies!!! fuck the scavenger hunt and the mobile Skype app !! Lowkey scared but I think I’m close with everyone on the tribe except madi soooooooooo that’s probably who will go tonight. I’ve connected a lot with Monty and am hoping we can work together closely moving forward 💕not sure how useful my relationship with Zach is going to be come swap/merge bc it seems like he’s ALREADY making himself a target like the big doof he is. More later 💋

https://youtu.be/Qg47yupj1bQ

https://youtu.be/vUK8A1qWVoA

Hello tumblr survivor world! Sorry I didnt confess for episode 1, I was going to but i accidentally exited out of the page when i almost finished writing it. Anyways, it was just a cast assessment for my tribe so tl;dr everyone on my tribe is great and its really sad that we have to vote someone out now. So this whole weekend I was away so I was REALLY worried that I would be voted out since I sat out of the challenge. But after talking to Johnny and Isabelle, it seems like Madison will be voted out tonight. Which is so bad bc this her first game in a year, but hey it's our first vote and it's not me so it's not really the time to make a stand. _________________________________________________________________________________________ Okay I took a break from writing this confessional and there's moreeeeeeeee so part 2 I guess. So I had a call with Johnny and we came up with an alliance of me, him, Isabelle, and Benji. What an iconic alliance, right? But also while Johnny and I talked we got onto the topic of idols and why it is that there hasn't been an idol post yet. I brought up that wayyyyyy back when in Malaysia and some other games around that time, some of the idol hunts were less clear cut. We ended up looking at the blog and clicking the "idol system" tab and it brought us to some weird crab video with audio that sounds like a pokemon cry? Idk part of me thinks its just a joke but I also have to consider that it might be SOMETHING. It said remember to like and subscribe so I sent a screenshot of me liking and subscribing to see if that would do anything but nope. Johnny said he'd do some thinking about it and get back to me later if he figures something out. Also tribal seems super clear cut so I'm a bit less worried now but y'know how it is I can't not worry about tribal.

i just spent $8 on a spectogram and STILL cant find this fucking idol im gonna kms... monty im sorry im steam rolling ahead looking for this thing without telling you, but thank you for the first clue xoxo... if i get stumped in the future ill reach out for SURE (but idt you trust me that much so this seems kinda valid to me) ((FOUR HOURS LATER: i told monty lololol)) ALSO FOR FUCKS SAKE I think madison is gonna go, and truthfully, im fine with it because it's the easiest thing to do due to her poor performance in the past few challenges and just being the least AROUND the tribe, but i know that it'd probably be better for me long term to get rid of abby because i just dont see her as a long term ally for me. i think she's close to JJ and Megan on the other tribe, and she's becoming much more acclimated to the tumblr survivor community that i just BET that she maybe has an additional connection on the rookie tribe. If I can attempt to break that up before we get to a swap, I think that's what im going to have to do figure out if we lose another challenge before a swap... i dont really want to see ANYBODY else go besides abby if im thinking about a second boot. i bet it wont be easy to take her out tho also, if madison goes, this is like...... lowkey vindication for game changers???? last night i talked about this with monty and i was like hmmmm "is it ugly to bring up past game history?" and his response was "not if it's within the same series" .... so. vindication

---

omg i just told madison how to find the idol system thing i hope she doesnt tell anyone i told her about it LMAO........ this almost seems too easy.i got added to two alliances today. why do i not feel safe? is it me going? WTF IS GOING ON

excited to be first boot because no one will TALK TO ME! 

Things haven’t changed much since my last confessional! As far as I know the tribe hasn’t started into alliances and we’re all riding some excitement at having so far avoided tribal. I think the rest of the tribe and I are all feeling good and just focusing on making the tribe switch without losing any members.

from round 2 https://youtu.be/fk002uG2HoI

Hi sorry I forgot to do a confessional this round so this will be short imma just say a few things 1. I don’t trust julian one bit he can stop being shady to me 2. I can’t believe we aren’t going to tribal I’m so fkn happy i was able to pull out the win for our tribe because I didn’t want to lose anybody else 3. I love and adore will with all of my being and he’s my number 1 ally right now 4. I find it highly doubtful that there’s only one idol in this game and that you can’t find it until merge but that’s as far as I can get in the idol search for now so I guess there’s nothing I can do about it 5. I’m still having fun can’t wait to fuck up another flash game yay!!!

My Purple edit is amazing right now. But having played more games than most of these newbies, I have decided to take on the role of teacher and becoming more of a "role model" for these newbies. I feel like I have the closest bond with Zach, and I need to get a little closer with Collin. I have Grace from past games, and then there are the others who I do not really have any strong bonds with at the moment. I guess I need to start going to them more and show that I want to work with them.

https://youtu.be/yhwXzqrTcsA Confessional 2 for round 2

https://youtu.be/TVnpwqc8XLY

Madison voted out 6-1

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Evading eternal gloom and chaos in general | November Goals Update

Hey People of Earth!

Today is December 1st. Which means, November (death) is over, and I can officially restart life during Christmas break in 21 days. November as a whole was much better than October (so much, we don't even compare the two) which is strange, as November is the month of death usually because school gets crazy. Regardless, I’m very pleased that I somehow evaded eternal gloom (for the most part) in November.

Some cool things happened this month, including two university open houses in two different locations in Ontario (London + Windsor = two road trips, two weekends in a row), that high school dance life (my first hs dance when ur last year is next year and this is the first social occasion you’ve attended haaaa lol rip) and Literally The Worst Case Of Writer’s Block Ever I Kid You Not. (Which I will definitely go into in this month’s writing update!)

Overall, November was this very chaotic amalgamation of busy, but cumulatively, was pretty darn memorable. Darn.

Onto the goals.

(Also, I don't know if I’ve ever explained this in recent years, but I work with goals in a very strange way. As in, I don't really work with them, as in, I write these posts every month with goals, then never refer to them for the entire month, then come back a month later ?? and ?? for some ?? reason this ?? works ?? it’s also very entertaining to laugh at my failures is that morbid that I enjoy this very much oh no)

(I enjoy writing these posts a lot though, they give me some time to reflect on the last 30 or 31 days I’ve lived and they act as a great routine. :))

Anywhoozies, onto the things I did and mostly did not do:

1. Hit 15k in FOSTERED #6

So. Let’s just talk about this goal very briefly, shall we. As I mentioned above, November and I did not get along in terms of writing, as in, November served me a big ol’ slice of Writer’s Block and left me to choke on it. I wasn't really expecting this block to be so severe, but it was a thing, and it was very real. I mentioned this in DtWT #66, and I know writer’s block is controversial (some people thinks it’s a bullshit excuse, some people don't care, some people strongly believe in it, etc). I stand on the side of ‘in creative fields, every artist is bound to run into some form of a challenge at some point in their career’. As a creative person, I've experienced tons of creative block. In some cases, yes, this block is caused by fear, lack of ideas, sometimes procrastination, but ohhhh myyy, November’s writer’s block was none of these things.

Initially, it was straight up fear, I’ll admit that. I was just starting this book, didn't want to screw up the beginning of the *very last* book, couldn't piece together ideas that I thought were good even though @sarahkelsiwrites​ was very honest about them and had good feedback, etc, etc. I would say the first week and a half of this block were straight-up fear based. And then weeks 2 + 3 came and it sort of wasn't anymore. I wasn't scared to write this book because at this point, I was pretty fed up with my moping and fear, and just wanted to get some words out.

*and then the words stopped coming and they just stopped coming*

(which isn't entirely the truth, but let me elaborate)

In this time period, I was still writing. I was still hitting my 250 goal almost every single day, and there wasn't one day I didn't go about writing, or go about figuring out how to go about writing. To me, writer’s block doesn't mean I’m not writing. It just means there’s this disconnect that prevents me from immersing myself into my work, thus holding me back from creating the best thing I possibly can, OR making me think I’m creating something of unsubstantial standards. Does this make sense.

So yes, I was very out of it, and I really do think this block was triggered by fear, and once I got over that fear, lingered. BUT I’m doing MUCH better now, let’s not jinx this, AKA I hit 15 587 words this month and when I made this goal literally didn't think I would haaaa bless.

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

No. lol. So. I’m going to count this as a half win, because I did complete this goal, but not by much. In October’s post, I mentioned I wanted to go through this outline to see if I could possibly shift some of them into the POV of my boi Matthew. This novel is narrated by Chris, and while I love my girl, something was missing from the story, and so I was like, yanno, screw it, let’s see if I can find some chapters to give to Matt just for the hell of it. Overall, I found about 12 or so chapters I could give to him (excluding new ideas that I haven't gotten, but yes), which is pretty good. Not sure I even want to do this dual POV thing, but I mean, I worked on the outline sort of so. (I really need to get on top of this thing I’ve been outlining it for like a year oops.)

3. Upload cover making video

So abridged version of this disclaimer: basically, my hard drive died on me this month, it had all the footage for all my upcoming YouTube vids, including all the speedpaints and cover making vids, lol sigh back up your stuff kids, didn't listen to myself, rip my data, you will be missed (didn’t lose anything personal and my documents are always protected because they’re the most important) SOOO that happened. HOWEVERRR, this is not an excuse for why I did not finish this goal because I literally had another cover making video exported and ready on my computer BUUUUT I’m vERYyyY extra and wasn't liking how my THUMBNAIL was coming out so yesterday when I was scrambling to actually get this goal done because good job time management, was like yo okay imma redo this tomorrow, and so here’s the thumbnail:

And here’s the ugly shit it was before:

AND ACTUALLY, the only reason I never got this vid up like I dunno THREE WEEKS AGO WHEN IT WAS READY, was because of this THUMBNAILLLL WHICH HAS BEEN LIKE A 2 WEEK PROCESS.

(why do I take these things so seriously)

(this thumbnail took me longer to make than the goddamn book cover)

(I digress so sorry for that rant)

(th u mb n a il)

I did get the video up today, though, and you can watch it right here:

4. Read a book yo.

I actually did this, lol. I finished Kristen Martin’s Shadow Crown this month and started History of Wolves by Emily Fridlund, but I’ve been reading that one at school and like, so far, I’m getting the vibe that I need some hardcore tea and snow and a fire log and some peace and quiet to just appreciate this book because so far I’ve read it in math class and while I do enjoy my math class, i’m getting the feeling this book ain’t no math class aesthetic. (so, the answer is, no I didn't finish this book, but yes, I really really want to because i’m liking it a lot so far and the voice is nice as fuuuuuuuuh and dooooon’t get me started on the writing clapz for dayz)

5. Finish another character portrait

I actually did four portraits this month, two of which are Christmas gifts so I can’t share those at the moment, but here’s one I did of @sarahkelsiwrites​’ character Simon:

(and you can watch the speedpaint HERE)

And then one I did of Quinn, my MC for THIS IS WHERE THE END STARTS:

(which might be my favourite piece of art and you can watch the speedpaint HERE)

6. Find and finalize an ALANNIS epigraph

I dunno why this is still a goal because I’m literally not going to do it if I’m hardly working on the darn outline, but yes, no, fail.

7. Work on FOSTERED #5′s book cover

Epic fail, XD. I don't like the design of the re-designed FOSTERED covers, but for the sake of consistency, I’m going along, and that's serving for some unenthusiastic cover designing but I do need to get this done so I can order copies. (WHICH, by the way, I have a new copy of I’M DISAPPOINTED to order, a copy of my sister’s novel, A HAPPINESS TO WONDER, a copy of my novelette sort of thing THE TREATED and on top of this FOSTERED #5, you can totally call me cheap for realllyyyy not wanting to pay for that shipping twice, lol. Point is, I’ll be doing an unboxing because those are literally my favourite videos ever and I’ve watched every single one on YouTube no lie. ;))

So those were the goals. Finished 4ish/almost5 out of 7 goals this much which is pretty ass, but the ones I didn't finish (with the exception of one AKA THE OUTLINE) weren't super important. Some shtuff I’d like to get done in December:

1. Hit 25k in FOSTERED #6 (aka REWIRED)

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

COME ONNNN

(it’s literally been so long since I actually outlined this book)

3. Upload a video

4. Read a book yo.

I really do doubt I’ll get this one done, but it’d be real nice.

5. Finish another character portrait

7. Work on FOSTERED #5′s book cover

Probably also won’t finish this oneeee haaaheeaahahe

8. Make a character aesthetic

(this is sort of a cop out because I have to make one for Lonan this month since his birthday is on the 9th and for those birthday posts I need one but also I've been telling myself to do this since the start of November and ohhh noo I’m running out of time oops)

So that’s it for now, folks. I hope your November was great. :) Keep an eye out for the monthly writing update! That’s it for now, thanks for reading!

--Rachel

[in-paradox-space]

when I'm high I'm able to realize nothing matters so I shouldn't worry about it. Shit doesn't always have to be bad, I can find happiness. 

its been a long week and i have thoughts to purge.

When I'm not high I think about how everything is meaningless. We're tirelessly destroying the planet (probably) to keep our lives and expansion going but none of it matters. I am sad, empty and can't find reasons to be happy.

 I think about a girl who I've only met twice in my life. She's not my type... If I even have a type. It hurts how much I want to be with her. I've stopped trying to make sense of it. I'm trying to ignore my feelings. Hoping one day the pain will stop. I'd go through so much pain if I knew I was guaranteed time with her at the end of it though. I spoke about her in September...

 During my huge one week MDMA comedown which made me want to quit everything for good. It took a few weeks but I got over her. She was on my mind every second though. I couldn't make sense of it as I only met her once. I put it down to being very low after taking so much drugs and the fact that I literally never hang out with girls.

 I put it down to that this time as well. 3 or 4 months later I got to meet her again. Last week, I went into town with two other friends. We met up with her there. I did coke for the first time that night too. Friday, December 15 2017 and the early hours the next day. I did coke. I almost got off with a 35 year old woman but my friends were there to stop me. We went to the girls house that night too. I sort of cuddled her while she slept but I was wide awake.

 It was awkward but I was taking in the moment. The other two friends were in the same bed too. It was awkward. They was telling me to cuddle her. I would've never made that move myself. It felt like an arranged marraige. It was awkward because I knew she probably didn’t want me there but she kept saying its alright I can hold her. 

 In the end I just sat by myself, on my phone, wide awake, almost the last of my cough syrup, cocaine and too much booze slurring my mind left to right, while the others slept. We left at 10amish, went back to my friends house.

 Last night. Two days ago. Wednesday. The girl and those two friends went into town again, but I was at my dads place so I didn't come along. Real shit if I knew she was there I might have just got a train that day. Maybe it was best I didn't. So my good bro, uhhhhh they all did MD, not a lot but they blacked out because they was drinking.

I need to stop going into so much detail here. I just feel like I'll read back on these in a few years and I don't want to forget. Why does it matter though?

Well, the girl I like said that my bro was making moves on her and probably fucked her that night. His gf was there too. Nobody remembers so nobody is really viable here.

(switching from mobile to PC typing here)

The girl seems to remember¿

well I think my friend and his gf are probably gonna break up for good. My friends pretty unstable right now.

I was planning on spending a nice night with a different friend, who would never get himself into this kind of mess, he's having a lot of people round and I wanted to be there.

I'm probably gonna be in a hospital waiting room with my friend the whole night though. Being alone right now can't be good for him. Being alone is painful for me right now. I used to like it.

so how do i feel about this?

a little imbalanced. a lot of different feelings.

I slept a full day after the coce. 

I came down hard. My liver has been having some problems so I’m stopping drinking for good. 

Had a funeral on the Monday. My grandmothers.

It’s sad to see her go. 

It was a hopeful funeral though. A lot of tears but she knew how to turn a bad thing into a good thing. There was that feeling there. Surrounded by good family with good intentions and bad pasts.

Went to my fathers, on the other side of the country, later that day. 

I’ve been so depressed there. In that wintery void. 

I’ve been getting fevers and illnesses, likely from my liver. Nausea, fatigue, headaches, loss of appetite, unfortunately no weight loss (typical). 

I had way too much of being isolated and alone on wednesday.

I came back yesterday. Was so depressed in the morning but I saw my friends. Had two joints with my bro which I mentioned before. I very rarely smoke weed. It was cool. I felt great.

Then the drama unfolded. My friend and his gf started arguing like fucking crazy. I was sat there for two hours extremely stoned and panicked by the screaming. I wanted to leave. His gf was telling me not to. Partly out of an awkward politeness, partly because she didn’t want my bro to be alone after the breakup because he’s usually unstable after they argue.

I left, went home, there was no electricity. Had to wait until today until I got more. Just slept in the dark.

I’ve been doing nofap for the past 3 weeks. Dying of liver failure (exaggeration) has made it easier because I really don’t have much libido. 

I keep having wet dreams though. It’s common when you don’t fap, you just kinda let loose in your dreams. 

They’re really inconvenient though because I have to change my underwear and shower. 

I usually wear the same underwear for 3 days until I shower. 

I wash my clothes like once every 2 weeks. 

I had to wear an old pair of underwear last night. 

A lot of people do but nobody ever really talks about it. 

Now. Friday.

A lot went down in the past week. 

 I’ve been thinking about that girl every minute of the past week. Really fucking sad because I don’t have her. 

There’s nothing going on in my life really. 

I’m not making it out like that isn’t my fault for not actively making sure I have something to occupy me. That’s just how it is.

I’m gonna find work next year so I’m occupying myself with something, getting outside. This sad, empty loneliness is too much. 

The fact that being around one girl for one night makes me think of her for the weeks ahead is just an eyeopener

I really need to get out more

I need to interact with more people 

obviously I don’t really feel for that girl and no other girl

its just the fact that I was with her that night, along with the fact my serotonin is low and looking for a pick me up after the drugs and I have no other females on my mind to turn to

i have female friends yes but not IRL, I don’t really get feelings for them

So

I’m sick of the sadness. 

I want to stop drugs. I have stopped codeine. I really have. I have no way to get more codeine other than CWE cocodomol pills which can be laborious to supply. 

I haven’t touched it in weeks, other than 3 days where I kept overdosing just to feel high, the 3 days before the 15th.

I stopped for a week before then, went through the physical withdrawal. 

I gave all the pills to my friend. They’re too expensive to just flush and I want to take them to America because people there appreciate it for more than just a painkiller.

This lifestyle.

It’s harming me in so many ways.

I want to find real sources of happiness. Not short  term fixes. 

I want to find my rat park. 

During the sadness and isolation from friends (my dads place) I just wanted to be high

I just 

I was so sad

I rarely smoke weed but I smoked it yesterday

because I wanted to remember what it was like when the sadness didn’t hurt or disconnect you.

It doesn’t hurt as much today as I’m not as under-stimulated.

I want to repair my liver. I’ve always had liver problems but I didn’t realize how seriously it was getting until recently.

The heavy drinking and daily codeine overdoses (300mg-520mg at a time) have been killing it off. I’ve been high on painkillers every day so I didn’t notice the liver pains.

I hope it’s not permanent. I’m getting symptoms of liver damage still but the liver pains have stopped.

and yeah

its hard but I’m stopping drugs

If i continue, I will come to a point when it isn’t a choice and it will be even harder 

I’m planning to save up and do a big fucking sesh in january or february then not do drugs again except for maybe the occasional xtc every few months, or acid if i ever get the chance

i was going to invite the guys i went with on friday but they’ve all fallen out (probably) because of the drama

Februaryish, imma invite the girl out on the weekend

hopefully shes still single

we’ll get high if she even says yes, idk if she will. she has reasons to and reasons not to.

I’ll just tell her, I think shes awesome and I want to see her more.

She was never mine anyway. If this scares her away, so be it. I got over her last time, I’ll do it this time and I’ll do it again. 

I have nothing to lose.

I think she just wants meaningless sex and drunken nights though. 

I thought I wanted that but I don’t.

All I care about is being happy with friends. 

Talking about random shit, often shitfaced, all night.

Whenever I get a chance with girls, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of it.

I don’t want to fuck girls. I am attracted to them but idk

i would rather just spend time with them

will I be like this forever

I know it isnt normal 

I do sometimes make out with people I don’t know. guys or girls

but if I get to know them at all it throws me off

Like, they’re not anonymous, there’s a name to the face now, they know who I am.

I feel like there’s a witness to it, even if it’s only them

and I mainly associate shame, not pleasure, with sex.

Then there’s a witness to validate the shame.

I like this girl.

I had chances to make moves. I didn’t want to. 

It’s like, if I do then it’s final. It’s a one night fling and nothing more. I also may have scared her away. I’m so ugly recently and I doubt she would’ve been into me then.

I was so happy just talking with her, fuckfaced, about everything. 

It felt like I had a new IRL friend. I just want to talk with her

I wanted to be able to see her again. 

If I did anything, even a kiss, with her that night then I’d feel ashamed whenever I thought about it. 

Then the memory of her would be tainted. 

she was high though

I doubt shes interested in me at all

but fuck it

after I’m over her, I can look at her objectively again

she’s just another regular young girl/woman

which isnt a bad thing

but it means I can look at her clearly, without all these feelings clouding my vision.

then every weekend

I’ll make plans with people, just so I can invite her out too

‘hey im gonna be in town with some friends this weekend, do u wanna come along we need more people’

sure, it’ll be weird

but the offer of free cocaine must take her fancy one night

and thats it

I’ll act like the world is ending 

we’ll have a good time

and I’ll talk about what’s been eating me up for over half a year

Sure, I might get rejected but it must be easier than just carrying on, knowing she will go her separate way when it could have been. 

I need closure. I don’t even think she’s the one or see a future with her, although that’d be great too. 

I just want to go out with her for a few weeks, maybe half a year or so. then we both lose interest in each other, she dumps me

BUT I’LL HAVE CLOSURE THEN. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE. MY FEELINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN PURGED. I USED TO BE HEARTLESS; IMMUNE TO THESE FEELINGS! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

I’m not gonna say ooo i love you, or anything

I’m not gonna ask her out

I’ll just say I really fucking like her, I think she’s great and I’d love to be able to see you often.

something like that

she can say whatever she thinks

probably that its weird i invited her out after all the drama that happened with my friends yesterday(current tense, as im typing this)

At least I will know then. 

Man, I hope she doesn’t have someone by then but I won’t be surprised if she does. 

so today

christmas is a good time isn’t it?

for me its lonely.

everything stops.

winter is already sad enough.

 everyone wants to be with family, but the only day ill be with family is christmas day itself

im glad i get to be with my friends today, that was a nice surprise,

although i might have to leave to be with josh so that he doesnt hurt himself. 

oops. mentioned his name, his anonymity has been erased. voila. 

ive been typing my thoughts her for like an hour

a lot of shit I forgot to mention

but yeah

i need to do a lot of shit which ive been putting off

shower, wash my clothes, pay for electricity, go to my friends. im currently on emergency credit and i only remembered that was a thing an hour ago. after i slept in the dark. 

I feel sad that I’ll probably not be with her, but in time that will pass.

I feel sad because winter is coming, i have nothing to occupy my time.

this will all pass in time, it hurts now, but I will feel happy again soon enough.

hang in there

[praphit]

Jigsaw: Points for BS

It has been an interesting year of movies. We've had a lot of superhero flicks, action, and horror, but not a whole lot of Oscar worthy dramas. Normally, they're scattered throughout the year and then we get bombarded for three to four months at the end, but here we are at the end of October, and nothing. Plus, they've still gotta cram in some "black movies" to keep the trolls away from the Oscars. Right now, all we've got is "Tyler Perry's Boo 2! A Madea Halloween"

- speaking as a black man, I'm hoping we can do better than that.

But, finally we get our kickoff to Oscar season! SAW, baby! Oh, excuse me, I mean, "JIGSAW".

He's not just about cutting off limbs; he's got depth to him. He's a tortured soul! He's a mystery! And he certainly is a mystery, because I don't know what the hell he has been doing over the last several years. I loved the first movie. I was cool with the second movie (even though it was ridiculous). But, after that... a stream of bullshit. Five more movies! FIVE more dumbass movies. I rolled with him in the beginning, because he was original and I believed in his cause. He was just piecing together items he found in a junk yard and fighting a lil crime; bring a lil justice to this world! - Lord knows we need it! He even convinced a drug dealer or two to join him; giving them purpose... the man was kinda like Batman... an elderly, non-athletic... cancer riddled Batman... or maybe more like the Punisher.

I don't know what happened though. Idk whether he went Hollywood (being all about the money), but his cause changed.

He was like "You're a killer, you deserve to die horribly." I was like "Yeah, I can get behind that!"

"You're a serial rapist, you deserve to die horribly." I'd be like "Hot damn! Let's do this!"

But, then he changed up to stuff like... you stole music online (you deserve to die), you don't call mom enough (you deserve to die), you didn't vote (you deserve to die), you let your 16 year old daughter walk out the house in spaghetti straps and way too much make up, you're a horrible parent (Imma split you in two). I was like "Wait, a dag gon second there, Jiggy! I can't do this no more!" Plus, he has the nerve to be self-righteous at the end of these films. Talking about how he never killed anyone and how all of these people need to confess. What??! he became a Hollywood hypocrite - making bad movies with worse messages and stealing our money.

But, maybe this movie... the Jigster will get back to form. It's redemption time!

Let's play a game:

It's called "Good horror vs Bullshit" We'll look at this film, and celebrate the parts that were like the good movies (SAW 1 and SAW 2), and we'll rip apart the BS in this movie, like seen in the other five movies.

1) Plot

I mean... it's the same ol stuff - a handful of unfortunate dopes get drugged, and wake up next to one another as strangers, and are probably about to die horribly. That gimmick doesn't really need to change, but change ANYTHING! This is the eighth movie! - let's change it up in the bedroom a lil bit. Let's change some roles, let's get a lil freaky! Some new music, new scenes for torture, new game rules, add some humor, at least change the production. All of these movies have that same "straight to video" look to them. Be a little bit more playful, Jigsaw! Don't just keep tossing me violently on the bed every Halloween and doing your thing! Call me high maintenance, but I need some more entertainment than that.

　

Point for bullshit!

　

2) Acting

They kicked it all off with Danny Glover and Princess Bride Guy. Now look at us! A bunch of no named, lacking in talent victims. Some might say, "Most horror films don't have major actors." True, but they all have types we can relate to: the jock, the no nonsense person, the nice girl, the black dude surrounded by white people. In these movies, the characters are reduced to crimes they've committed... really we're judging these people off of one awful crime; no one is that one dimensional.

I think it would be a fun idea to always include D List celebs. Those actors that are on the way out. Imagine this magical cast:

Carrot Top

 Kirk Cameron

Lindsay Lohan

Ah! That's not L.L. Sorry. I typed her name in and that thing popped up. Weird. My bad.

Aaaaah, there she is. A lovely woman.

Arsenio Hall

and Judge Judy!

YES!

But, no... y'all would rather stick to the lack luster grim.

Point for bullshit!

　

3) The traps

They're elaborate in this movie for sure, but nothing really stands out from the other sequels. Same ol same ol. There IS some good meat grinding action though (powered by a motorcycle).

It's such a waste of the Jigster's talent! He should be using his genius for NASA or something. Or maybe be a detective! He's able to track down perps whom the cops and FBI have long forgotten about. There are a lot of people i'd like to see tracked down and brought to justice.

Or imagine Jigsaw as a pastor. I'd bet you any amount of money he'll run a repentant church.

And all the money for these traps... he's got frickin lasers in this movie! Bear trap lasers! I don't know how much all of these traps cost, but it ain't cheap! The Jigster is loaded! Think of all of the money he could be donating to cancer research. Just a waste! I'll give it some positive points for the horror generated by some of these traps though. You'll def get squeamish.... though there are other traps that are simply lazy. One trap, he just tosses two people in a hole, throws some sand on them, and then chucks some sharp objects down there. How you gonna go from lasers and motorcycle meat grinders to throwing sharp objects down a hole?!

Points for both GOOD HORROR and BULLSHIT

　

4) The twist

There's always a twist at the end... along with the theme music that builds up, and some person slamming a door on someone. The twist DOES work, but it's also incredibly stupid.

I won't spoil anything, but it makes zero sense. You know dag gon on well that in real life, Jigsaw wouldn't have gotten to eight movies. He would have been caught after death number one. Just look for the guy buying an excessive amount of bear traps and saws. Or in this movies' case, the guy who stole a bunch of medical lasers. Seriously though! LASERS?!

Plus, the traps in this movie depend on the victims being in the exact spot required at the exact time. Some of the recorded tapes that the trapped ones play have instructions specific for certain members. How would he know??! Some of them break his rules (and pay dearly for it), but thinking back... had they not broken his rules, the game couldn't have progressed!

Point for bullshit and good... yet dumb horror twist!

　

That's bullshit 4 Good Horror 2

BULLSHIT WINS!

　

Some might say, "John, you're expecting too much." Maybe... but that'd be only because this movie takes itself too seriously. There's a cop in the beginning of the movie who when he hears the plot of the movie he says "That's impossible!" They're looking for a dead elderly guy who has had cancer (untreated) for like 10 years.... and his merry band of junkies and hobos. Ya dag gon right that's impossible! Entertaining in parts, cool traps in parts, but overall bad and impossible!

Grade: D+

　

Wow, I have had a bad stretch of violent/stupid/confusing movies: "mother!", "Happy Death Day", "The Snowman", and now this bullshit (i guess I only have myself to blame).

I'm hoping in Thor next weekend for a change of pace and a cleansing of soul.

Granted, there is plenty of murder and mayhem involved in Marvel movies as well, but they make it fun, which is something the Jigster knows nothing about. I swear, if Thor 3 turns out to be another dull, "artsy" murder mystery I'm quitting movies for books.

*deep sigh* Don't make me read!

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Marlene

Ali: Hey babe, sorry I missed rehearsal, know you rocked it regardless  💋 Marlene: Kind of need our lead singer to do that. Instrumental wasn't the vision for the track, babygirl Marlene: Where did you have to be? We could've rescheduled Ali: I know, I know, my bad! Make it up to you Ali: Ugh, got detention, didn't I Ali: don't even get me started on that Marlene: Make it up to me alone or me and the band? Marlene: Little rebel Marlene: Can't have you getting in more trouble by ditching, can we? Marlene: I'll add in another rehearsal, the girls won't mind Ali: Why not both? Ali: Come over and I'll record the vocals for you Ali: You know it boo 👩🏼‍🎤 Ali: Exactly, even though I'm fully staging a protest tomorrow Marlene: That's my girl Marlene: I'll be there front and centre, lending my voice to the movement Ali: Aww, so supportive Ali: cute 😉 Ali: I've rallied all the usual suspects so it shouldn't be a flop Ali: we have the allotted hours, like, if they fail to control us in 'em, why add more, yeah? pointless, where's the logic Marlene: Making me so proud to have you on my arm Ali: As you should be Ali: Though that arms not bad 💪 Marlene: I wouldn't be the best bassist in this shithole if it was Ali: One track mind 😏 SUCH a bassist Ali: don't you ever break that focus? Marlene: It has been known Marlene: For the right girl Ali: Introduce me to her some time, yeah? Ali: Get some tips Marlene: You know her pretty well Marlene: The name's Alison, like the song Ali: So soft Ali: Still say we do a Elvis Costello and Dolly mashup Ali: idc what you say, Jolene is a bop and you need to own it Marlene: If I can hear you do an original Elvis cover, I'll think about it Ali: Fine, I'll happily sing about myself all day Ali: can even get the accent down, thanks Ma Marlene: I'll be waiting for that Marlene: The girls are asking if you need posters or anything else for the protest? Anything to stick around and drink more Ali: Patience, babe Ali: Gotta save these pipes for the protest Ali: Feel free to go for their lives, like Ali: Bear in mind if they use too many expletives, the School ain't gonna listen tho Ali: creative language, not colourful, ladies Marlene: No promises on getting them to dial back the reclaimed slurs Marlene: But we'll leave off calling the teachers the cunts they are Marlene: For you, our glorious leader Ali: 🙇 down Ali: I'll take it, they're not going to go anywhere near hate speech vibes, too risky Marlene: Tempting offer Marlene: I'll take you up on it when we're alone Ali: Yeah? Gonna skip rehearsal more often then Marlene: For revolution and no less, babe Marlene: But I have missed you Ali: The revolution's always rolling, babe Ali: I can't stop the wheels of change, you know Marlene: I know you want me to make a rock and roll pun Marlene: But I refuse Ali: Boooooo 👎 Ali: too punk for me now? Marlene: Not gonna quote a dead white man either, not even Lennon Marlene: You're still my little punk princess, you know Ali: Throw some Yoko craziness at me Ali: 👑 Marlene: Keeping it back so the protest won't flop. Can't let it Ali: Sure, you just don't wanna get on the rooftop with your mates Ali: someone'd fall, or get pushed 😂 Marlene: Not me or you Marlene: With these arms we're safe Ali: 🔫 pew pew Ali: they wanna try me, bitch Marlene: We should fill up supersoakers for those who are anti our message Marlene: Piss on their negativity in a literal sense Ali: not with actual piss, right? Marlene: You have to start thinking punk rock, babe Ali: I am not pissing into a supersoaker Ali: not dying to prove my aim is as good as a man's like Ali: you do you, babe but I'll leave it at good old fashioned water Marlene: Now who's deserving the boos and jeers Marlene: So regal of you Ali: what can i say? my idea of a good time isn't pissing on my own hands Ali: crazy, i know 😉 Marlene: How true my love is Marlene: Any time's a good time with my baby Ali: 💙 Ali: forreal tho, what are we doing this weekend Marlene: There are a few parties Ali: where Ali: i wanna go as far away as poss Marlene: They're local, usual suspects Marlene: We can do something else Ali: Think of something better, yeah Ali: I'm sick of the locals at the mo Marlene: I'll come back to you with a plan Ali: 💋 Ali: that's my girl Marlene: What am I good for if I can't take you away from this shithole? Marlene: Not like it's that hard Ali: You got your license, 'til I got mine I'm at your beck and call, like Ali: Your Ma will be cool, yeah? Doesn't need to be long, just long enough to breathe Marlene: I'll make a deal with her Marlene: Name drop you since she's a fan Ali: Such a parent pleaser 😇 Marlene: If you sang it she'd do anything you say Marlene: Thinks you've got the voice of an angel for sure Ali: Aww, what a babe Ali: like mother like daughter 😏 Marlene: She had her moments of hell raising Marlene: Would to this day if it was possible Ali: Imma ask her all about it when I see her Ali: fo'sho Marlene: That'd make her happy Ali: Who doesn't love being scandalous? Marlene: Whoever gave you detention Ali: Give you three guesses 😑 Marlene: I don't need them Marlene: Most are in your fan club too Ali: Exactly Ali: Don't teach R.S. if you can't handle healthy debate Marlene: Yeah. We live in Dublin not a dictatorship Ali: Honestly Ali: Some people really wanna take it back to the troubles Ali: Shouldn't have said as much but chill, dude Marlene: Freedom of speech, babe Marlene: I've lost count of how many teachers I've called homophobes Marlene: Gotta speak up Ali: True Ali: you are a bit quick on the draw sometimes, like Marlene: I'm not letting them get away with it Ali: Just sayin', plenty of reasons to give you dirty looks, babe, not all of 'em that you're gay 😜 Marlene: I'm a perfect gentleman and you know it Ali: True Ali: You don't look it tho Marlene: You don't look like a rebel queen Marlene: And yet Ali: I know looks are deceiving, tell it to the homophobes, babe 😏 Ali: also you gotta stop with the compliments 😾 Marlene: But everyone's clearing out. It's the perfect time to shower you with them Marlene: Where do you wanna be? Here or there Ali: When bae only sweet talks you when their mates aren't about Ali: SUCH a fuckboy, darling 💋 Marlene: You know what I was getting at, darling Marlene: We can be alone finally Marlene: But only if you're in the mood Ali: I'll come over Ali: as much as my Ma is also a fan, just yours like, not so much mine Marlene: Let me pick you up Marlene: It's too dark for that shit Ali: Nah, I wanna walk Ali: gotta burn off the energy I didn't get to rock out Marlene: Hold your keys since you won't take my knife off me Ali: Don't worry Ali: My Da beat you to the self-defense lesson, like Ali: I'm sweet Marlene: If I'm not there to protect you, I'm bound to worry Ali: You worry too much, baby Ali: Good thing I'm coming to take all your cares away Ali: and I've got bud, naturally 🚬 Marlene: And I hid some drinks from the vultures Ali: Party of two 😘 Marlene: When you get here. Until you do I'm sitting on the floor alone writing shitty songs about you Ali: Try and write a good one, will ya? Not having it bandied about that I'm a shit muse 😉 Ali: you could never Ali: gonna play for me when I get there? Marlene: Been trying since I met you, babygirl Marlene: It's not you, it's me Ali: Nah Ali: there's a hit in there, I just gotta try harder Ali: as you're so anti-establishment, your brain is noping on writing a bop that everyone will love Marlene: I want you to love it Marlene: You're the one it's for Ali: I'm excited to hear Ali: assuming I don't get shanked on the way by the big bad wolf Marlene: Your tragic early death isn't the inspiration I want or need Ali: Tell it to the TV writers, hun Ali: angry protest song #765 Marlene: I'll sing you my shitty song and you can die laughing Ali: Never Ali: cross my heart Marlene: And fingers that I can patch together a chorus that doesn't make me wanna die before you get here Ali: 🤞 Ali: I have faith enough for two Marlene: As an angel, you kind of have to bring it Ali: No pressure 😓 Marlene: I'm more than okay with you lacking it, stick it to your detention giver over again Marlene: And I love you, so forgiven most sins Ali: A benevolent Goddess you are Marlene: Modeled on the original lesbian in the sky Ali: Debated theology enough today to live and let live on that one babe Marlene: Promise I'll save the angry lesbian god essay recital for another night Ali: You're a doll 💋 Ali: Oh, hold up, I see my ex Ali: ready for this awkward convo in 3 2 Ali: brb Marlene: Bet you want me to pick you up now, don't you? Ali: [15 mins later] Ali: That was wild Marlene: What the fuck, Ali Marlene: I was about to start searching for you Ali: Soz, more chatty than I remember Ali: only gone at got someone pregnant hasn't he Marlene: Dodged a bullet Ali: Tell me about it Ali: Still out on the town tryna get some though Ali: is that the new come on? I'm fertile! Marlene: In this town, likely Marlene: Which ex is it? Ali: #4 good drugs, bad teeth Ali: the one who lowkey stalked me after and my brother had to smack him one Ali: good times, unexpected detour down memory lane there but got us some freebies so Marlene: It took 15 mins to get what you're owed, how long does he take over customers who aren't his stalked exes Marlene: bad business is what you should've called him Marlene: Or manners Ali: names are definitely open to workshopping Ali: he had to show me the scan pics, duh Marlene: Had to do the whole come on Marlene: fucking pig Ali: Bless Ali: have your fun whilst you still can, kid Marlene: not with my girlfriend Ali: don't worry babe, got the drugs for free free Ali: not suck my dick free Marlene: Are you gonna be here soon Marlene: I can still bring the car Ali: Yeah, I'll get a wriggle on Ali: 5 minutes if I run Marlene: If you don't run into any more exes first Ali: cities littered with 'em Marlene: If you didn't date men you could stay friends with them Ali: why would I wanna do that? Ali: I've seen your dyke drama, a no thank you Marlene: I don't have dyke drama Marlene: You're the one trying to avoid the awkward Ali: 😏 Ali: I don't care, its funny Ali: he wasn't that bad, really Ali: don't need to add every ex to my inner circle though, that's a madness Marlene: He stalked you Marlene: He's an asshole Ali: Not properly Ali: Just had issue letting go as fast as I did, who can blame him 😘 Marlene: It's not funny, Ali, it's fucked Ali: So serious 😾 Ali: It ain't like he locked me in his basement, I get to decide how fucked it was or wasn't Marlene: You get to brush it under the carpet too, doesn't make it right Ali: 🙄 you're as bad as my mother Marlene: maybe she's got a point Ali: Ugh, don't need to point score, she already likes ya, babe Ali: he's just a stupid kid, not fucking Bundy, yeah, let's chill Marlene: He doesn't have to be Bundy to be held accountable, babe Marlene: He's gonna be someone's dad Marlene: What the fuck Ali: for what? being a bit of a prick at 16 Ali: s'not a crime, last time I checked Marlene: it doesn't have to be Marlene: Lads think they can do whatever they want Marlene: They can't and shouldn't Ali: Nah, this isn't a soap box moment, babe Ali: we all do things we know are wrong, and ain't proud of Ali: 'cos of how we're feeling Ali: Honestly, not a big deal Ali: and not an exclusively male thing, that's a crock of shit Marlene: If I was heavy handed with one of my exes I'd get so much shit Marlene: He gets boys will be boys Marlene: It's not a big deal because you're making excuses for him Ali: From who? The lesbian mafia? Ali: Straight girls are INSANE Ali: way worse than #4 was ever Ali: I'm not gonna burn him at the stake for something I don't believe in Marlene: Straight girls are a whole other subject Marlene: Last I checked you didn't have any of them as exes so no really the point Ali: That you know of Marlene: I know about every one of your exes Ali: Okay, Liam Neeson Ali: can't be calling out stalkers when you're breathing down the phone like that 😂 Marlene: You're not funny Ali: I am though Ali: but I ain't coming over if you're gonna be such a downer Marlene: Are you serious? Marlene: Your jokes are so bad I can't tell Ali: Duh Ali: Killing my vibe, babe Marlene: You're basically here Ali: So? Ali: I can keep walking into this dark night Marlene: So come in Marlene: I'm sorry, baby Ali: You promise you're gonna stop being lame? Marlene: Cross my heart Ali: Okay, lemme in then

[kaeyayanar]

2019-2020 reflection of some sorts

2020 will be soon as I type this. I just want to let out some of my thoughts about the past year, and my goals for the future (independently of a certain year, but preferably most of it in 2020 ofc).

2019 was an interesting year I'd say. It was my first year living on my own, though still quite close to my mom. And we actually grew closer this year, because we weren't annoying each other 24/7 anymore.

I've met my closest friend again after almost a year (yes, you Mel), and even though we couldn't spend that much time, it was a blast nonetheless.

Also I've been at a concert with a friend, who went to one the first time in his life. I swear my neck hurt so bad from headbanging but for real that was so worth it.

I've been at the Pokémon GO Fest, which definitely was one of my dreams (well, like attending a Pokémon event in general). And damn it, it was too hot, but I loved it, though my legs cramped up the whole night afterwards…. That's what you get for mostly not really going outside, and then suddenly walking 16km in a day I guess? (By now it's funny to me actually)

And my cat got pregnant with 3 kittens, which still live with me for now. One's even cuddled up on my leg right now while the other poor babies are hiding because they are scared shitless because of the fireworks.

But after these good parts of the year, I've noticed being more exhausted and not wanting contact with people in general. My phone was used less for texting, but more for just lurking, and scrolling through apps. I lost all interest in the things I loved: gaming, k-pop, etc. but I started watching live streams of some YouTubers.

My birthday was good I guess, as it started when one of the streamers was about to end her stream, so she and the chat congratulated me and 3 others, which was really cool. My birthday party a few days later wasn't that good though, as it ended too emotional as my nephew and his then former side chick (idk how else to call her, like… She wasn't his girlfriend but they acted a lot like it, etc. It's a complicated situation) had a damn needed talk. But so did my friends and I.

I finally came to the conclusion, that I was indeed becoming a hella toxic person with my behavior, which probably is another reason why I currently don't want to talk to others (much), because I just don't want to hurt them in any way. I've also come to the realization that I need to move out of my home town, far away. Because this place makes me mentally sick for real. I noticed that during my latest attempt to lose weight: here at home, I lost weight very slowly and gained it again basically the next day, while when I visited the place I'll be moving to for a weekend, I lost 3kg at once, but I didn't move more than before or anything. I ate less than at home, but I wasn't hungry that much because I was relaxed for once again.

So here are the goals I want to archive in the near future:

I want to work on myself, on my personality, to be a better person again. To do this, I'm going to start with being less negative, regarding jokes about myself or my friends, but also in every day situations. I want to learn to see the positive things in bad events, and learn to make the best of it.

After my move I want to finally get treated for my psychological problems, and also other health related stuff, simply because in my town they mostly don't even listen to me, and just tell me to lose weight, for like almost every sickness. Got a pain in my wrist out of the blue without falling on it or anything? Lose weight. Bronchitis? Lose weight. Sleep apnea? Lose weight. (Don't get me wrong, I know my weight can be and probably is the reason for it, but they don't give me any treatment like… Idk the sickness won't be like "Oh they're trying to lose weight, okay, Imma stop it then")

I finally want to get a fucking job. I'm sick of myself not doing anything, and for the time being, I want to prepare for it as much as I can. I want to start learning more about programming, etc, so I can utilize my skills in training.

Also I want to become a more organized person. My apartment is a mess, just like me, and it pisses me off. I even made up a plan so I have a small thing to do every day, but so far I didn't really follow it, except for a few days.

Then, I want to learn to show more gratitude, or emotions in general. Currently I'm really bad at thanking people for things they've done for me, things they've given me, even though I actually am so thankful for every single thing.

And I want to lose weight of course since I'm really at a really unhealthy level, but I think this will thanks to my new knowledge, be quite easy once I moved. I mean, not really easy but definitely easier than here.

Lastly… I want to communicate more again, but while taking more, and regular breaks from my phone, and internet in general. Just going outside for a walk to clear some thoughts, and simply enjoy the nature again like I did a few years ago.

This got longer than expected, and well… It's 2020 now already, it took me longer to write this down than planned.

So…. I don't think anyone will read this, but that's okay, I just wanted to get this out. To everyone, Happy New Year, let's hope 2020 will be a better year, and the 20s a better decade.

[zoesrose]

TEXTS; ZOE & YAS

pt.1 - October 2021 - December 2020

OCTOBER 2021

yasmin puckerman

somethin just made me think of you

what’s good?

zoe rose

You're missing something.

yasmin puckerman

oh shit.

lemme start over

I was just thinking bout you Sir

zoe rose

Good girl. What was it that made you think about me?

yasmin puckerman

someone was like, A type Dominants meh

zoe rose

And you disagreed?

yasmin puckerman

I’d put my opinion at (drool.emoji)

zoe rose

I'm flattered.

yasmin puckerman

dope

smoke sesh soon?

zoe rose

Sunday if you're free.

yasmin puckerman

as a bird

zoe rose

Be here at 2pm.

yasmin puckerman

yessir

sir

zoe roseBOT — 10/30/2020

(leaf) (smoke)?

yasmin puckerman

in the middle of the night

guess you'll have to order me around, Sir.

zoe rose

You're ordered to my room. Bring your favorite snack.

yasmin puckerman

see, snacks i'm low onI'll just bring your new favorite snack

zoe rose

And what's that?

yasmin puckerman

me

zoe rose

See you in ten minutes.

yasmin puckerman

you got it Sir

NOVEMBER

yasmin puckerman

Hey, what's good?

zoe rose

Try that again.

yasmin puckerman

Damn, that really is my bad. Hey, what's good, Sir?

zoe rose

That's better. I'm just helping my sister with an assignment. Having a good weekend?

yasmin puckerman

I always have a good weekend. This weekends got a lack of blonde baddie though. A shame, Sir.

zoe rose

And which bad blondie is that?

yasmin puckerman

bruh you, Sir.

zoe rose

I suppose I just never would have called myself a 'blondie' despite my hair being dyed.

yasmin puckerman

but you're blonde right now though

zoe rose

You make a valid point. Well if you wanted my attention, you already know what you need to do to get it.

yasmin puckerman

Are there other ways? Like if I walked up to you on campus and just flashed you that wouldn't work?

zoe rose

I should rephrase. That would certainly get my attention. But it wouldn't earn my time.

yasmin puckerman

What if I ever wanted you to earn my time?

right right Imma keep it in mind.

zoe rose

I've got this new sativa strain I'd like to share with you. If you're free tonight.

yasmin puckerman

sativa is the magic word, Sir. I'd be breaking plans if I wasn't.

zoe rose

That's good to know for the future. Let me know when you're here, I'll come and get you.

yasmin puckerman

yessir.

zoe rose

Hello.

yasmin puckerman

(alien)

Sir.

zoe rose

Is that your version of a hello?

yasmin puckerman

it counts What's up? How was your holiday?

zoe rose

I suppose nothing is up, I just wanted to say hello. It was fine, spend it with my sister. How was yours?

yasmin puckerman

fire. food was bomb, and my mom is down. Just been hanging with family

zoe rose

Oh good. I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

yasmin puckerman

I had to work Friday but the rest of the weekend is gonna be tight ya boy got new strains in, picking up tomorrow. you wanna match and mix Sunday night?

zoe rose

You can come over here. I'll venmo you so you can pick up for the both of us?

yasmin puckerman

Yeah got you. I could do that. I get a discount at the shop now so imma bring you a surprise, Sir.

zoe rose

I'm not big on surprises.

yasmin puckerman

you're gonna like this one

zoe rose

Do I get a hint?

yasmin puckerman

Nah

zoe rose

I suppose that’s fair. I’ll just be patient then.

yasmin puckerman

damn I am not patient. i could come by late late? I'll kneel at the door or some shit, get you going

zoe rose

I could teach you to be. Kneel. And I'll make you beg.

yasmin puckerman

that was a one two punch

aight, Sir imma do that. but I'm not bringing it till tomorrow. We can be some patient.

zoe rose

You'll be a good girl for me, right?

yasmin puckerman

yessir. good girls got a good ring to it coming at me

zoe rose

We'll see then.

DECEMBER

yasmin puckerman

Yo retestings been wild huh? You still my favorite Dominant over there?

zoe rose

Your favorite, hm? My mark has not changed. I'm assuming you're still marked Switch?

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I'm not saying I have a ranking system but Switchin thru and thru

zoe rose

But if you did, I'd be on top. Seems as though there was a lot of changes from test.

yasmin puckerman

I said what I said Sir Yeah I guess. It'd be weird if somehow got cornered into a different role.

zoe rose

You know I appreciate your honesty.

Do you dominate as often as you submit with me?

yasmin puckerman

you are very welcome

yeah probably. I don’t keep track but it feels pretty even.

zoe rose

Do you ever see yourself favoring one over the other?

yasmin puckerman

I don't feel that way now so, nah doubt it

zoe rose

I'm impressed at how you can keep going back in forth in your mindset. I suppose that's the point though, hm?

yasmin puckerman

Yup me too but the more I hear people talk about Switches the less sense it ma Haven't heard any complaints.

zoe rose

I would love to watch you dominate someone.

yasmin puckerman

Oh yeah? Curious to see me in action huh

zoe rose

I am.

yasmin puckerman

It'd be all looking and no touching though I know how you like to be the own with the rules

zoe rose

I can respect that.

yasmin puckerman

aight, maybe I can make that happen

zoe rose

Just let me know.

zoe rose

I have a favor to ask, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

aight shoot

zoe rose

My sister, Marley, was remarked in the recent retests and is having a hard time adjusting to being a Switch. I was hoping you'd be able to talk to her about that. From what I can see, you're the most competent Switch here.

yasmin puckerman

bruh

zoe rose

I'm not sure what that means.

yasmin puckerman

my bad. yeah, I could talk to her but you know I don't know like, official rules and shit right? do you know how long a trial claim is?

zoe rose

She doesn't need someone who knows the rules by heart, any one of us could look them up. She needs someone who comfortably plays both sides of their mark and knows that being a Switch take away from the submissive role you play with certain people.

It's either 3 or 6 months, depending on the couple.

yasmin puckerman

You want me to approach her or you gonna set that up? depending on what about the couple tho?

zoe rose

I think it would be alright if you approached her, I just need to let her know that I've asked you to talk to her.

Depending on how much time they need, some couples need 3 months, some need 6.

yasmin puckerman

Aight no worries. I met her once, she got good energy. We'll hang. Oh. Ok thanks.

zoe rose

Thank you, I appreciate that.

Was there any particular reason you wanted to know about the length of a trial claim?

yasmin puckerman

My brother just got into one. So I just wanted to know. You know how it is.

zoe rose

I see. Yes. I'll talk to my sister in the morning so you're free to approach her after that.

Thank you again.

yasmin puckerman

No problem  

yasmin puckerman

Feel like I don't gotta ask but, you at that claim thing tonight? [a few moments later] Sir.

zoe rose

No. Are you?

yasmin puckerman

Nah. Wanna get blasted?

zoe rose

Is that a real question?

yasmin puckerman

Also nah. Guess the only question is if your door is locked or I should let myself in?

zoe rose

Door's unlocked. Roommate is at the dance, so I'm in the living room.

yasmin puckerman

Dope. You want a strawberry soda from the vending machine?

zoe rose

Only if they don't have orange.

yasmin puckerman

aight get orange. Yessir. Got it .

zoe rose

Thank you.

yasmin puckerman

You mind escorting me to work, Sir?

zoe rose

No.

yasmin puckerman

I’m always running late now I gotta find Dominants every other day And a solid stash spot cause, damn

zoe rose

I’ll make sure you’re on time.

Know any doctors?

yasmin puckerman

I have a cousin in Chicago who knows a guy in Jacksonville. Hella working on it. Read my mind.

zoe rose

Perfect, tell them I’ll pay whatever

yasmin puckerman

wassup, Sir. Thanks for the escort yesterday.

zoe rose

You’re welcome.

Do you have holiday plans?

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I’m leaving Sunday to go home with the my brothers. You busy Saturday night?

zoe rose

I’m also leaving Sunday night. No, I’m not busy

yasmin puckerman

Imma come by. I got something for you.

zoe rose

I already have a BITCH paddle.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah and?

zoe rose

My point is you don’t need to give me anything else.

yasmin puckerman

Oh yeah I know. But I do Hanukkah and Christmas so I’m just used to double triplin 8 daying some gifts you know? I got a little sum out of that paddle anyways so was it really a gift for YOU?

zoe rose

Alright. I have something for you too

yasmin puckerman

dope. Can’t wait.

zoe rose

It looks good.

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah you do

zoe rose

Thank you.

Did you have a good time in Chicago?

yasmin puckerman

Really made the most of it

Got caught sneaking back in the house through my bedroom window. Moms was so confused.

zoe rose

Is that an old habit of yours?

yasmin puckerman

allergic to the front door as a teenager. How was your holiday?

zoe rose

Have anything to do with our habit? It was fine. Good even.

yasmin puckerman

A little of that, a little of being a weird ass kid Got a lotta time in with the fam?

zoe rose

Plus old habits die hard. Yes, a lot of time spent eating and my sister singing.

yasmin puckerman

Oh I didn’t know she could sing. Do you sing too?

zoe rose

She can. And I don’t.

yasmin puckerman

Don’t isn’t can’t tho...

zoe rose

I'm not singing for you.

yasmin puckerman

Sounds like can

Maybe I could earn it some day

zoe rose

It would take a lot for you to earn that, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

that’s aight. I’m patient

nah, whole lie. I was gonna say well behaved but that didn’t work right either

zoe rose

You can be well behaved when you want to be.

yasmin puckerman

That’s true. With the right motivation. Ok yup, bet. That stands.

zoe rose

I’ll see you when I get back, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

(alien) (peace) (wink)

zoe rose

Have you ever been on a yacht?

yasmin puckerman

I didn’t even know it was spelled like that.

zoe rose

Seems as though there's a party on one that's open to everyone. Would you like it to crash it with me?

yasmin puckerman

Yup. Hell yeah I’m in. What’s the gear like? Do I gotta get dressed dressed?

zoe rose

I believe there's a theme, but it's to our discretion. I plan on wearing a pant suit of some kind.

And since we're on the subject, I would really like the chance to dress you, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

You wanna choose what I wear?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

easy. You got it, Sir. Let know when you want me by.

zoe rose

6pm

yasmin puckerman

zoe rose

Yes, please. Thank you.

yasmin puckerman

cool

JANUARY 2021

yasmin puckerman

How your sub legs doing?

zoe rose

It's fine.

yasmin puckerman

If I was you I'd be like iT's fINe wHAT??

but i'm not doing you like that, don't worry

zoe rose

that was funny

but i'm not calling you Miss

but i suppose this week, you are free to call me Zoe

or any other nicknames you're been wanting to use

yasmin puckerman

oh shit

I'm gonna have to think on that.

zoe rose

no rush, I have a feeling this week is just going to drag

yasmin puckerman

It's not all that bad. Bet you could have fun with it.

zoe rose

i doubt it

yasmin puckerman

You already got a nickname from me

zoe rose

What's that?

yasmin puckerman

you got other people callin you Sir?

zoe rose

No, but I'm not sure if I would call that a nickname

yasmin puckerman

petname

zoe rose

A petname insinuates complete freedom, you have to use a title with me

yasmin puckerman

switch up got you splitting hairs

zoe rose

It does have me on edge

yasmin puckerman

you're still gonna be the same you on the other side maybe know a little more what it's like to be me is all and Marley

zoe rose

Thank you.

Sir.

yasmin puckerman

good girl tight Goodnight Zoe.

zoe rose

What's bothering you?

yasmin puckerman

Just got that feeling. You know when you gotta get control, let off steam some of the healthy ways

zoe rose

I understand that feeling all too well.

If you find that you need to (leaf) (smoke) just let me know and I'll come to you.

yasmin puckerman

always take that offer

zoe rose

I'll be right over then

yasmin puckerman

dope

zoe rose

Are you busy tonight?

yasmin puckerman

Free as a bird.

zoe rose

Would you like to accompany me to the club? I need to let loose.

yasmin puckerman

Hell yeah. Let's do that.

yasmin puckerman

so the smight flub babes... creepy fetish murders or regular type masochists what you think?

zoe rose

I think it's the latter.

yasmin puckerman

Me too. They had a chill vibe. I’m guaranteed to like anyone that complements my right hook tho so I trust your judgement more, Sir.

zoe rose

You do have a nice right hook. It's too bad you didn't get to see mine.

yasmin puckerman

I jumped too soon. I know, I know Froggy and I am not sorry

But if we hit up their spot, that should facilitate that.

zoe rose

I'm going to add a

next to your name in my phone

Is it something you want to check out?

yasmin puckerman

thanks I hate it Yeah I think it is. What’s the worst that could happen right? If its shit we’ll leave.

zoe rose

I won't, don't worry.

If we're going to do this, I want to establish some rules first.

yasmin puckerman

You said rules and my stupid ass got horny tf But I agree. I think. What type of rules?

zoe rose

Rules for your safety.

1. You will stay in my sight at all times. 2. When I say stop, that means stop. 3. When/if I say it's time to go, there will be no questions asked. 4. When/if you say it's time to go, I will escort you out, no questions asked.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I’m down. What about if you lose your shit, could we drop rank? Hold up do you ever lose your shit? I can’t see it now that I think about it.

zoe rose

I never lose my shit. I've been described as apathetic on more than one occasion.

yasmin puckerman

I could see it. Aight bet. Got you, Sir. Looks I got plans next Sat night

zoe rose

I'd like to make it a habit to dress you whenever we're together. If that's alright with you.

yasmin puckerman

Whenever we going out somewhere or whenever whenever I’m with you?

zoe rose

The latter is tempting, but we'll stick to the first one for now

yasmin puckerman

I’m cool with that. Had me looking good on that yacht