#ah hindsight
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in the same way that I wasn't born gay, I saw katie mcgrath in merlin when I was 9 and that made me gay - I wasn't born autistic, I saw david tennant in doctor who when I was 10 and that made me autistic
#i love that silly skinny space man#my doctor who special interest had been sitting dormant for a decade and it's coming back with a vengeance#it truly unlocked something in me#a core memory for me: in year 6 we had to do a presentation about any topic we wanted and I hate public speaking but#I was sooo excited to talk about doctor who. I spent so long on my presentation and I brought in all my memorabilia to show the class#and everyone laughed at me and I didn't understand why#huh that was actually maybe traumatising#ah hindsight#anyway#bbc merlin#merlin#katie mcgrath#doctor who#david tennant
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[I.D. digital art of the characters from bigtop burger on the beach. tim and steve are building a circus tent out of sand while steve looks over in offense at cesare, who stands and adjusts his sunglasses, sporting vivisection scars. conrad stands next to him holding a volleyball and smiling, facing billie and penny. towards the front alan is sleeping while frances covers his body in sand while chuckling. end I.D.]
bigtop burger beach episode
#BEACH EPISODE!!!#also i was trying to remember if that was the right word for cesare's scars or if autopsy wouldve been a better choice#so i just googled 'vivisection' and had a real life dead dove do not eat moment#ah hindsight#bigtop burger#btbt#art
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The hubris of ‘I’ll just like this post to reblog later!’ Has come back to bite me in the ass, I am drowning in all of my accumulated likes, alas this burden is my own fault, I am Sisyphus but I made my boulder.
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Leo going through the horrors but the horrors are just that he had a shitt day and no one bothered to save him any cookies :/
#vent art#uhhh ig this needs warnings#harmful stims#sometimes ya gotta bite to regulate okay#im not saying its OKAY#im just#ugh#im too tired to bother ill delete it if someone doesn't like it#having a shitty time for no reason#sorry if its illegible biut also i dont really care rn#tw bad coping mechanisms#trolls is not the bad coping mechanism#its like the ONE good one#whet william#highly reccomend rtrolls#general tw#lemme know if it needs mopre#or if i need to delete it idk#my brai is mad fuzzy rn#somehow drawing it makes it seem even more stupid in hindsight#ah wel
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a poster for i took a zombie to prom and all i got was this lousy tshirt ! this song gets stuck in my head so often ill be in the middle of the day and suddenly .zombie prom time
#the forgetmenauts#i took a zombie to prom and all i got was this lousy tshirt#cea's art#in hindsight maybe i shoulda sized this a4 for easy printing#ah well#perhaps..... rusalka poster..........
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Wanted to draw the princess in a red dress
so i did
#in hindsight i wouldve approached colouring from a slightly different angle but ah well. you learn each time you draw#fallen london#my art#the captivating princess
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General attitude of the Dead Three towards their followers that I've observed in the Time of Troubles and sometimes other sources. Bhaal seems to like his followers the most; Myrkul would love you more if you were a zombie; and Bane:
Bhaal: Can be attentive to his followers, apparently. Bhaal loves his clique of murderous fanatics (or at least he loves their murders) and they may "personally warrant [his] attention", multiple times, if he's particularly in awe of their skill at murder. Seems to take it badly when people who aren't him kill his followers - and he's willing to resurrect his favourites if they die while in his favour. But that's hard to gauge if he takes it that badly because that "numbness", fear, then rage response seen in the novels was also in reaction to almost all of his followers getting massacred (although this being pre-3.5e, his power was not dependent on the amount of worshippers he had at this time, so it wasn't as big a deal, more of an inconvenience).
Myrkul: Seems to hate the living more than Bhaal does. He thinks you'd be much cooler if you were undead. Or - memorably - an horrific, mindless, body-stealing soul-eating abomination. Tendency to eat his follower's souls or inflict horrific withering curses on them as a show of "favour". He happily supports the dreams of his undead followers though! Still, he advises his living worshippers to take protective measures and has to look out for them, because otherwise he's rapidly going to have zero followers because he's insanely unlikable. Funny, but unlikable.
Bane: Plays favourites. Bane's interactions in the Time of Troubles were a little skewed, due to having mortal emotions at the time, but the fundamentals stay the same: Most of humanity is beneath his notice, but he does crave the attention of those few he values who may receive leniencies and such. He also refuses to acknowledge that he values them emotionally, and he will still treat them terribly and says there's still a good chance he'll leave them for dead if it's more convenient. Still, even as a god he made the decision to elevate Fzoul to demigodhood when he died instead of just tossing him aside, so some of that remains?
While this is more of an insight into the mortal who predates the God of Tyranny, imo, he has an interesting response to grief, progressing from shock to murdering people around him in a blind rage, to this:
"I will not grieve, the god decided coolly. Blackthorne was merely a human. A pawn. His loss is regrettable, but he can be replaced. Then Bane thought of his endless talks with Blackthorne. He remembered the strange emotions that coursed through him when he had realized that Blackthorne had saved him, and aided in his recovery. The Black Lord looked at his hands and noticed he was trembling. Then the God of Strife screamed a cry of grief, loud and long. All over Bane’s Dark Temple, people covered their ears and shivered at the sound of the Black Lord’s pain."
Then more murder time, so we can stop having disgusting emotions and channel it all into hate on the battlefield:
"A fire crackled in the eyes of the Black Lord and Fzoul stepped back from the angry god. Then Bane’s lips curled back in a frightful grimace. There was fire behind the God of Strife’s pointed teeth, too, as his eyes narrowed and he said, “Now.” "
#babbling#the idiot three#I feel like “the trainwreck three” would've been a better tag in hindsight. ah well.#do I tag this with their chosen? idk
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"Witness the flame of a soldier of the Inferno."
Pretty fire YCH animation from SovaNova--Super pleased with how they animated his hair too :)
#commission#brad#brad art#evil!brad#in hindsight his eyelashes should've also been yellow orange#ah well#still super pretty#Pathfinder#Ymeri is the Queen of the Inferno btw :)#Brad here is a loyal brainwashed soldier#(his name also isn't Brad but that's beside the point) [hiding the fact I haven't solidly decided on a name]
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🍓📚🦋 if you're still up for those asks!
🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?
Being a 9-10 year old with too much internet access, a very wild and highly specific imagination (which turned out to be autism in hindsight), and already being predisposed towards writing since she knew how to, stumbling upon Fanfiction.net and being surprised to discover my highly specific (and absurd) envisioning of a story has not magically materialized, and concluding she must write it herself.
Naturally, I calmed down a lot since then lol, but I've been writing fanfiction for about as long as I can remember. I only felt confident enough in myself to start posting...almost two years ago, give or take? Damn, time flies...
📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?
Bold of you to assume I have one! Unless rambling to friends about various ideas and making them watch me scream at my WIPs in Discord convos counts. Currently researching hypothermia for a Len'en oneshot, which I eventually concluded is "reverse heatstroke" lol.
🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately
"Wait a minute, you mean to tell me my haphazard ability to do even things I enjoy doing and concluding even very basic tasks like liking Tumblr posts 'require too much energy' at certain intervals is not normal, and that saying I must 'make myself clean my bathroom' is in fact a sign I may have some pretty major executive dysfunction? Damn. That explains a lot. I wasn't lazy this whole time...What a waste of time, thinking I was." <- (Currently starting to attempt to seek treatment, but it's been kinda fucking with me lately)
On a lighter note, been thinking about my OCs as always...They're such hot messes. One is a horrible combination of Captain Olimar and Kuroji Shitodo. Be very afraid.
#ask and you shall receive#project farside#danielle cargen#(the OC in question)#you know I probably should've seen the realization coming in hindsight#but ah well#I just...don't know where to start with that#but I'll figure it out#it's just...been weird lately#explains why outlining is so hellish for me...
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i think maybe i need to replay rebirth some time to look at this diplomatically because aerith is My Favourite and i might be biased but i think my biggest story critique of rebirth is that i wish they'd done a little more with her. given that this is the game she dies in i found it strange that they didn't push her into the foreground a little more since this is their last real chance to do that with her as a living member of the party (i'm sure she'll show up in some limited capacity in part 3 but dead lifestream!aerith is pretty different to alive!aerith i think).
i know that sounds like a weird thing to say when you consider stuff like them giving her the game's theme song to sing during loveless and the fact that the last chapter is basically The Aerith Movie but there is a strange lack of focus on her in moments where it feels like we should get more from her throughout the narrative. this game pushes tifa and cloud's relationship more in the mandatory story segments, and i LOVED what they did with that relationship in this game, but it felt odd that the same focus was not given to cloud's relationship with aerith throughout the story given that the ending hinges on him being so devastated by her death that he enters a delusional state of grief. and this isn't even a shipping thing bc as far as shipping goes i'm an aerti truther and i feel pretty equally neutral about both cloti and clerith as romances (if anything i prefer cloti!). it's about giving proper narrative buildup to the relationship that the game's tragic ending hinges on - a lot of aerith's most interesting scenes with cloud in the bulk of the game are optional, which i think is a weird thing to do given what the game is building to.
i also wish they did more with her being a cetra! again, the last couple chapters put focus on this but prior to that aerith is weirdly quiet about it. particularly in cosmo canyon, while we do get the lovely bonfire scene, aerith otherwise has a weird lack of dialogue when it comes to the lore dump scenes with the gi and bugenhagen. i expected her to feel some type of way about these revelations but any indication of that is at best subtext and she doesn't really say a lot about it. and for all that they emphasise aerith and nanaki's connection early on as beings closer to the planet, once you get to cosmo canyon there's a weird lack of payoff for it. same with tifa's dunk in the lifestream - i kinda thought aerith might have something to say about it as a cetra, and in fairness i think it's possible she did and the game is withholding some of aerith and tifa's offscreen interactions for part 3 (i swear this isn't even just an aerti cope lol i think the fact that they deliberately show them talking without us getting to hear it might be something they come back to), but i also wish we got to connect with this part of aerith's character more NOW, while she's still here, so it can inform our understanding of her choices and feelings at the end. i just find it kind of a bummer because aerith's complicated relationship to her heritage is a fascinating aspect of her character and her tragedy that i think goes a little untapped in this game, which means it's likely to go untapped in the story as a whole since she's. you know. dead.
#blahs#ff7#rebirth spoilers#idk there are obviously a lot of character writing changes i love and adore in rebirth but i think they coulda done a little more with her#they put the focus on her bond with the party and her zest for life and that was fantastic#but imo they don't explore the other layers of her as well#and i know we will get more of her in part 3 but the effect of doing it in hindsight is different to doing it while she's alive#like when they go to icicle inn and learn about her parents there'll be a lot of focus on everyone's grief and the tragedy of her life#but what i wanted more of is how aerith feels about that tragic life as a living person. how she struggles with what it means to be a cetra#how does she feel about how disconnected she is from her heritage? angry? bitter? sorrowful? ashamed?#does she even like being a cetra? or does she resent the position it's put her in in life?#the game gestures at all of those in subtext but i want it explored i want her to talk about it!!!#ah well. i suspect if we do get flashbacks to those aerti scenes they'll all be about cloud but i'll still hope for something more from tha#that's my copium#or maybe an aerith and nanaki flashback where they talk about the burden they share of being the last of a people!!#i'd love that#anyway i still love rebirth's character work very much and on the whole what they did with it is very special. i am just an aerith girlie
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Trying to get my rear into gear this year, starting with this donut here.
#happy new year#blender#blender donut#i did another one because i forgot half of what i learned last time#in hindsight i think the exposure is a bit low... ah well#next order of business is how do i get to creatures from here
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Maaaaaaaaaaaan, come on.
(the post has ended up in the tags btw. I am not changing this and I need you to understand that it is just me talking to myself semi-publicly)
#Nevi Writes#things said by a guy writing a thing he doesn't even intend to be writing and it's like 10k of words now. >:[#while that's true I do want to emphasize that nobody should get excited about it right now tho okay#because like it's just. idk. I feel very much like it could end up not worth pursuing anyway. it's just a little baby wip.#(when the fuck did my little baby wips get to be 1/4-1/2 the length of my previous 'finished' stories!! what the hell)#it just feels nice to make words tho. and it does have that kind of 'ah good to catch up with these guys again' vibe which is nice.#even if the break has once again been like. on the order of days to a week maybe. I'm so bad at this taking a break business suddenly. lel.#but I don't have anything much to say about it at this point#other than I'm debating inventing a reason that presidential elections would have been moved by a couple of years between now and 2212#what is it with me and having to be so damn precise with dates in this whole narrative. am I just mad that Capcom never tries?#(yes) (so mad)#(and 2212 would actually be an election year is the problem. I want time to have passed but I also want there to be a pres. election.)#(it's fine don't worry about it)#(this is how I decided that Blucifer got bload up and then replaced also. weird reliance on mashing up IRL things and fictional explosions)#(but it's fun isn't it? got that veneer of verisimilitude. I'm good at long words)#idk this is inevitable isn't it. but I'm going to keep playing like it's not. I think I need a little more space for this one mentally.#the first one just sort of fell out of my head fully assembled and the second one did that also but with different vibes#though it did actually take some cutting things and adjusting things to make it work which Failure to Compile did not#Failure to Compile was bizarrely effortless until the mad editing dash. Outcome Unpredictable was WORK#fun work at least! but in hindsight it was definitely more work to make it flow properly.#the real job for the 3th if it happens is gonna be wrapping up threads without dropping new ones in bc that's such a habit of mine now
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you would think w. all the Eeks i have with religion that i wouldve lost my faith in god in some spectacular night of betrayal and grief but it was really just because when i was 9 god didn't give me a princess dress so he just couldn't be real.
#i never developed a faith because god did not give me random shit#i prayed for a lot of random things#thinking things again#my nonsense tag is. only for thoughts and not experiences ah... this lack of hindsight is crushing me#ow ow ow#micetalk
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something silly i animated when i was sending in my letter of resignation to my last job. anxiety is ~* f u n *~
also made a version with hirigana cuz i was studying japanese at the time
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So!!! Guess who found out the worst time to realise the AAA battery in your bullet which is snugly inserted in your butt plug is out of charge!
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huh. i'm weirdly... angry? tonight for some reason
#key speaks#tried to articulate myself in the tags and it made me realize#...ah. i'm incredibly frusturated and questioning why i'm even going to university. that's why i'm feeling like this#but like#i am Never just angry like this#i am PMSing but that's still not a thing i do#in hindsight there have been many clues throughout the day#but it's still WEIRD#i really really REALLY want to be DONE with homework for the night#but i CAN'T be and it SUCKS#UGHHHHHHHHHH
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