#aggressively eating all the polaroids i have of him | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seeingivy · 9 months ago

Text

sweet nothing

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting fic

previous part linked here

songs mentioned: minor mentions of slut by taylor swift, new year's day by taylor swift, end of beginning by djo, turning page by sleeping at last, sweet nothing by taylor swift, and must be love by laufey

It feels like every new piece of information that comes your way is overwhelming as the weeks fly by. And really, that sinking feeling that things are coming to an end only feels deeper, more final as the days dwindle down to the end.

Jean and Mikasa are getting married in two days. Your last day of filming together as a cast is in three. Lana and Sukuna are having another kid and you’re almost positive that Eren is in love with you.

You have two weeks together before you part ways.

Every second that the group of you spent together felt like the moments were only slipping out of your fingers, like you were hopelessly trying to hold onto a needle in a stack of hay. It was almost impulsive the way you were trying to linger around everyone – to memorize every last detail of the memories so that you can’t forget them when they leave.

Falco and Gabi eat cereal in the morning before they go to set, Levi has a mole near his left eye, Eren loses all of his guitar picks.

You shuffle through the stack of polaroids in your hand – an endless stack of pictures of Miaksa and Jean – and get more frustrated looking down at the empty page on your notebook. Eren’s handwriting is perfectly lined up at the top, light scribbles of lyrics and words he’s changed for the song you were gifting Jean.

I spy with my little tired eye Tiny as a firefly A pebble that we picked up last July Down deep inside your pocket We almost forgot it Does it ever miss Wicklow sometimes?

Eren explained that Jean and Mikasa, after getting engaged (for the second time), took a two month trip where they just traveled together. Most of the pictures are from that time period actually – of Jean and Mikasa drunk in random bars, cheesing in front of billowing green hills, or napping on picnic blankets.

You look up at the two of them, clearly relieving some wedding stress by getting tipsy, and dancing with Falco and Gabi a few feet away. You can’t help but smile as Mikasa teaches Falco how to dance – and how he profusely apologizes every time he steps on her feet. It’s almost as sweet as Gabi and Jean who are trying to do the most aggressive slow dance known to man and that neither of them seem to be taking seriously in the slightest.

“Who’s getting injured first?”

You look to your right to find Eren hovering over your shoulder, his hair damp from the shower and the sweet smell of his soap still emanating off of his skin. He gives you a boyish grin before taking the seat next to you on the couch, leaning his chin on your shoulder as you watch the group of them.

“I’m sure Mikasa needs a bandaid already. Falco has stepped on her feet ten times already.”

“Poor guy. I’ve never seen him stress out over something so bad.” Eren states.

“What do you mean?”

Eren laughs.

“He’s freaking out about the wedding. He’s really worried that Gabi won’t enjoy it with him as her date – because he can’t dance and that sometimes he can’t think of things to talk about when he gets nervous.”

You frown.

“Baby.”

“Tell me about it. Last night he was in my room asking my opinions on pick up lines and how you even initiate dancing with someone.” Eren states.

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him that he should suggest getting matching tattoos. I know girls love that type of thing.”

You turn your head to glare at him.

“I know you didn’t encourage my sixteen year old brother to get a tattoo.”

Eren shrugs.

“What’s the difference between sixteen and eighteen? He’s a big kid.”

“He would get a tattoo of a cat jumping on a trampoline if he could. And that’s horrible advice.”

Eren grins.

“Worked on you, didn’t it?”

You shove him in the side, earning you a laugh from him, as he takes the opportunity to peek down at the page – mainly at the fact that you haven't been able to write anything. You sink back into the couch as he offers you a smile, before flipping through the rest of the pages.

“I have a question.”

“What is it?”

“Are you ever going to release any of these songs? I really think some of them are great.”

You lean over his shoulder to follow his line of vision, to all of the songs that you had produced out of the requests that you had been given. You eye the song he’s fixated on – called Slut, that you wrote for Sasha – as you shrug.

“I do really like some of them.” you offer.

“I really love this one. I think it’s perfect. And a lot of them are.” Eren adds.

You lean back on the couch.

“I know that…things are ending. And I have to think seriously about what I want to do after I leave here but sometimes it gets complicated when I think about it. But I am sure that...that I'll do something. In some capacity.” you state.

Eren leans back to join you, leaning his damp locks against your shoulder. You mimic his motions, leaning your cheek against his hair and welcoming the cold touch.

“I like being here and…and being here makes the songs and the acting really easy. I feel like I have that support system, of people who care about me, who can kind of help me push through it. The thought of having to figure out things without people helping me when I leave here and…and not having that makes it seem impossible.” you state.

“You don’t need other people to –”

“I know I don’t need other people to do this, that I can write songs and act if I need to. But, I need them for me. I’ve spent a lot of time alone and I realized I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to be here forever, I’ve…I feel like I barely appreciated the time I had here and now it’s almost over and I can’t do anything about it.”

It’s horrible timing. That the song in Connie’s playlist switches.

There's glitter on the floor after the party Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor You and me from the night before, but

You both sink deeper into the couch, cheeks pink as the song stops the conversation in full. You can feel that the group of them are all averting their eyes to where you and Eren are sitting, though none of them seem to comment on the fact that your love ballad is booming from the speakers. You turn to Eren and offer him a smile, one that he returns before nervously fiddling with his hair.

“You still have time left here. You can make the most of it. And even after we leave here, we’re all still backing you up. It might not be all of us all in the same place but…but we’re here when you need us.” Eren states.

“Yeah. I know that. But it’s just different.”

You pause, unable to put the garbled mess of feelings that’s rumbling in your chest into words.

Three days ago Levi told you that they were going to put the house up for sale when you were leaving – and the thought of never being able to come back here, that someone else would be sleeping in your room and you’d never be able to return to it made you sick to your stomach.

You had read the last bits of the script and it was perfect – except for the blank portions that Levi left in one of the sections. He had mentioned that he wanted you and Eren to do something similar to what you were going to do for the “what am I to you scene?” where he was going to ask you to improv whatever he had planned.

There was a sense of urgency when he mentioned it, because that was actually going to end up being the last scene that you ever filmed. Because Mikasa and Jean were going to get married on Friday, the last day of filming with the entire ensemble was Saturday, and they were all out of there by Sunday night.

And for the entire week that followed, you, Levi, Hange, and Eren were going to be in the house alone. Hange mentioned it as a sort of gift that Levi wanted to give you – that he wanted to grant the two of you time alone before you parted your separate ways.

(Apparently he was just sentimental. Or projecting, according to Hange. And part of it was just that he understood because when he had his last weekend of filming La La Land with Hange, he just wanted them all to himself before he had to let them go. That he wanted that for you and Eren or just for himself instead.)

The thought of being alone with Eren in the house, the way you were when you started filming all those years ago, made your stomach churn with anticipation. Only because you knew – that if something was going to blossom between you and Eren, if you were able to let go of whatever it was that was holding either of you back – it was going to be then.

Or at the wedding.

You had visited the venue with Eren a few days prior and the outdoor, woodsy venue that Jean and Mikasa had picked out was eerily similar to where Levi and Hange had their vow renewal. They were leaning into the same energy – of a backyard wedding, with all of their closest friends – and you were half convinced that the setting alone would have you word vomiting everything to Eren.

Don't read the last page But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes I want your midnights But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

Eren reaches forward, placing his hand on top of your head, before he slightly rattles your head.

“Okay, that’s enough being emo for today. Quit being sad and focus on writing the song. Jean is expecting something really great, you know?”

You groan.

“Don’t tell me that. I hyped it up so much to him just because he was being annoying but I’m really scared that he won’t like it. Every lyric I write is so ridiculously idiotic that I end up wanting to throw my entire book away.”

“You’re trying too hard. Just do what feels natural.”

You’re not sure why the thought crosses your mind, but right after it does it fills you with a bout of embarrassment. Because if you did what was natural, you’d lean forward and close the space between the two of you, only because you couldn’t help but feel like you were getting intoxicated by how much you wanted him every time you were alone like this.

But that was just the thing. You weren’t alone. There were at least seven different people in the room. And the fact that it felt so intimate, so bare every time you talked to him like you were the only two people in the room made it impossible to be around him.

Levi walks into the room with Hange, the two of them juggling cardboard boxes in their hands. Levi nearly drops all of them when Gabi and Jean almost salsa dance straight into him, but luckily enough, Niccolo is able to steer them in a different direction before they can.

Hange and Levi set the boxes down at the center table, before gesturing for all of you to join them around the table. Eren holds a hand out to you – and it makes your stomach churn when he doesn’t let go as you both walk all the way to the table.

You can’t help but focus on it. That you’re all circled around the table, that Niccolo is handing Sasha his water bottle, that Falco and Gabi are out of breath, and that Eren has his hand tucked into yours as he intently waits for Levi and Hange to explain.

“As you guys all know, we’re going to be giving up the house in around a week. I know it feels a little early, but we need to start making preparations since things are going to start wrapping up really fast.” Levi states.

“And this part is only logical. You guys were the ones who put the polaroids up. It’s only fair that you’re the ones who are going to take them down.” Hange adds.

You feel your throat dry.

“What?” Armin asks.

“We can’t exactly leave them all up. Imagine how horrifying that would be for whoever moved in here after – just thousands of pictures of strangers that they didn’t know.” Levi states.

“They would be so lucky. We’re literally famous.” Connie huffs.

“Okay, Connie. Relax. Even then, I figured that you guys would want to keep some as you guys got ready to leave here. We can toss whatever it is you don’t want to keep.” Hange resopnds.

It just keeps getting worse. You can’t even stomach the fact that they would even consider throwing any of the pictures away, let alone being so ready to pull them all off of their respective spots on the wall.

“Are you insane? You can’t just throw our childhood away.” Reiner states.

“Well, you can keep all of the stragglers. Drown in the polaroids in your penthouse apartment, Reiner.” Levi deadpans.

“Oh, I plan on it.” Reiner responds, glaring at the two of them.

You can tell that Levi and Hange were well prepared for the pushback. And you understand the frustrations, or at least the panic, everyone seems to be expressing. Armin’s trying to delay whatever this is to the best of his abilities – saying that the wedding pictures would be perfect with all of the polaroids in the background. Reiner said that taking everything down was only fair when Eren got to be a part of the death wall, and Sasha and Mikasa are already fighting over how they’re supposed to divvy up polaroids that we’re all in.

And you get it, but all it does is fill you with the sinking pit of despair.

This was the start. Taking all of the pictures down, wrapping your childhood into a little cardboard box and never returning to it again – at least not in the same way.

The song from the playlist switches, finally mellowing out the ends of your voice, before changing to a different song.

Levi’s ears immediately perk up at the sound of his own voice, booming through the speakers.

Just one more tear to cry One teardrop from my eye You better save it for The middle of the night

When things aren't black and white Enter, Troubadour Remember twenty-four?

And when I'm back in Chicago, I feel it Another version of me, I was in it I wave goodbye to the end of beginning

“Who is playing this?” Levi asks.

“Connie.” Eren offers.

Levi shakes his head, almost like it’s thrown him a distraction, before he hands each of you the boxes and a marker. You all start begrudgingly inking your name into the cardboard, before halfheartedly clutching it to your chests. A few of them make the first move, until it’s just you and Armin left lingering in the kitchen, unable to move.

“Jesus fuck, Hange. Why would he play this song?” Levi whispers, stuck in a conversation under his breath with Hange.

“The timing is uncanny. Don’t go crying on them now.” Hange states.

The two of them shuffle out of the room as you turn to Armin, noting the warm tears that are filling his eyes, as you offer him one of your hands. He opts to link his hand through yours, as you both task yourself with walking over to the fridge first, as you stare at all six of the polaroids stuck under the magnet.

“I really don’t want to do this.” Armin whispers.

“Me neither.”

He snags the first polaroid off of the fridge, of Erwin wearing a sparkly pink apron with Kiss the Chef embroidered into the front pocket. You distinctly remember when Eren had gifted it to Erwin for his birthday – and how he refused to stand in the kitchen without wearing it, even if he wasn’t cooking anything.

“This picture doesn’t belong anywhere but here.” Armin states.

You snort. You can see that Armin hesitates, but he settles for putting it in the box.

“We’ll make a pile on the main table, of who is in each picture. Then…then people can fight it out for who gets to keep which one.”

“Good idea.”

It’s quiet, leave for Levi’s voice booming through the speakers, as you and Armin start yanking the pictures off of the wall. The wallpaper has been fading for years, but it’s only more obvious when you start ripping the pictures out to see the brighter color that was covered underneath.

Armin stops you every few seconds, only to pull on your arm to show you a picture. It’s quiet smiles that you give each other, when you find one of him and Annie, or he gives you one of Hange, and it makes it the slightest bit easier.

But some of the memories hit you like a bullet train, only because you can’t fathom how much of them you’ve actually forgotten. You only remembered that Falco and Colt had actually been to set before, years before they were even on the show, when Eren flew them out to surprise you for your birthday. Or that on that same day, Mikasa and Armin were the ones to gift you the first notebook that you had ever scribbled your lyrics in.

They were so deeply intertwined in the memories – every single one. You suppose that’s probably why it was the hardest to let go, to walk away from all of them and limit them to just being pictures in a box.

And when I'm back in Chicago, I feel it Another version of me, I was in it I wave goodbye to the end of beginning (Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye)

“Armin.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever think about that night? In Seattle?” you ask.

He pauses, abandoning the polaroid fixed in his fingers – of you and Historia cheek to cheek – as he sinks against the wall and sits on the floor. You join him on the ground, looping in your arm through his, as you lean your head against his shoulder.

“Sometimes.”

“Me too.”

“I try to pinpoint moments where it feels like things changed. And there are lots of them, but I do find myself always going back to that one. Things felt so weird and out of line in the months before that, I felt like we were all moving in different directions, and that really solidified it.” Armin states.

You pause.

“Yeah, yeah I agree. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change things. But I also don’t.”

“What do you mean?” Armin asks.

“My first instinct when Eren and I started fighting was to ask him to tell the truth, to come with us and that we’d fix everything. Knowing what I know now, I wish that I had fought harder – that I trusted my gut more because I could clearly feel that something was wrong. But I also don’t, because sometimes I think the way things played out is how it needed to be, for me to feel how I am right now.” you state.

“How do you feel now?”

You pause.

“I remember when we took Connie home with us and…and he started screaming at us. I felt really hopeless. I feel like watching him act like that, to be struggling so much, really sank me into that pit I was in. But I guess, I don’t know. Maybe I needed to see that and how he is now, to see how Sukuna was and how he is now, and Lana too to know that maybe there’s some way out of it for me too after I leave here.” you state.

Armin smiles.

“I’m really happy for Lana and Sukuna.”

You grin.

“I’m really happy for Connie too. And Eren and…and us too. So much has happened that I really can't even wrap my mind around everything that has happened, but sometimes all I’m left with is that I feel really grateful that we’re all here right now. Especially you and me. Sometimes I forget that you and I faced the worst of it together and…and that we’re here right now, the way that we are, just kind of…fixes it all in my mind.”

“I agree. I feel like we saw the worst of it together, maybe acted at our worst together too, but it makes me feel better that we both came out of it the way that we did. I feel like we never learn and even though we burn bridges, we still ended up doing what was right at the end of the day.” Armin adds.

Armin smiles, as he pushes up off the ground and holds out his hand to you. He pulls you up, averting his eyes to behind you, before you turn to find Annie and Eren standing behind. He gives you a knowing look before he switches places with Eren – and the two of them stalk off together.

Eren gives you a smile, before aggressively sticking a polaroid in your face. You’re caught off guard by the suddenness, before you focus on the picture. It’s of you and Eren on the last day of filming Season Three – your arms wrapped around his neck as you both smile in the camera.

“Yours or mine?” he asks.

“Mine.”

“Well, you should get a move on. I’ve already stolen whatever pictures there were on the wall near the bay window.”

“No debate? No negotiating?” you ask.

“Absolutely not. You snooze, you lose.”

You and Eren fall into a quiet pace, the same way you were with Armin. It seems like it’s something everyone was adapting, because the house felt quieter as usual as you all pulled the memories off of the walls.

He’d stop here and there and place a polaroid into the palm of your hand. It was getting almost overwhelmingly nostalgic, making that melancholy that seemed to reside in your chest almost impossible to breathe through.

It was like watching yourself fall in love with Eren all over again.

Because all you can think about is the fact that you had really liked Eren at that award’s show, that you went on a date before that press event, that filming that scene was really fun because you had spent the entire day together.

That you used to sleep in the same bed every night, that you made breakfast together every morning, that the safe confines of this little wooden house was the place that you and Eren got to be yourselves, where your love was saved from being touched and garbled by other people.

“Eren.”

“Yeah?”

“What are you going to do with the pictures?” you ask.

Eren pauses, eyeing the messy mess of pictures in his box, before he looks back up at you.

“I’m staying at this place by the sea, in Ireland, for a few months after the show ends. It’s my parent’s cabin, but I just want to go there and take a break before I jump into anything again. I’ll put some of the pictures up there.” he states.

You nod.

You’re not sure why you ask the question, and it’s almost instant embarrassment when it comes out, but you have to stick with it after you do.

“Will you tell other girls about who I am?”

“What?”

You bite your tongue.

“I just mean. If people point to the pictures and stuff, you’ll tell them about us, right? All the pretty girls you’re going to take to your fancy cabin?” you joke.

Eren seems to visibly relax when he figures that this has to be some weird idea of a joke that you’re making.

“Oh. Yeah, of course. Trust me, when I take my children to that cabin, I’ll make sure they know the entire story before they leave.”

You smile.

“And what’s that?”

“Oh, you know. That it was a moment in time, what you and I had. That people went crazy for it, that…that you and I did too.” Eren states.

“Who said I went crazy for it?”

Eren rolls his eyes.

“You have not one, but two matching tattoos with me. We’ve written so many songs about each other, that people still listen to.”

“I was just teasing. Relax.”

Eren hands you a polaroid – a solo picture that he had taken of you at Hange and Levi’s vow renewal – that you tuck into your box. The walls are bare and empty as you peek your head through the other rooms. And you all group back together in the main room, boxes filled on the ground as you find too many of them locking their limbs together and swaying together in the air.

You and Eren smile at each other as Reiner catches sight of you and makes a dramatic display of wrapping both of his arms around you. Jean and Mikasa follow next – somehow producing shots for everyone out of thin air.

The only notable thing that stands out is that Connie’s standing by the far wall, stuck staring at the wallpaper. Normally, you’d expect him to be at the center of this, making some extreme, dramatic speech on top of the table about how we were all going down in history.

You tangle out of Mikasa’s embrace to walk up next to him, only to feel your stomach churn when you find exactly what it is that Connie’s staring at. Because it’s not a blank patch of wallpaper – but instead, his shitty spelling marked into the wall, accompanied by the one polaroid you had seemingly forgotten all about.

Of Marco, his tub of ice cream, and his bright smile when you had all inducted him as the start of the death wall. You look to your left to find Connie crying, as you lean your head against his shoulder, unable to stop your own.

“I can’t take it down. He…he’s going to miss the wedding.” he whispers.

It makes your stomach ache. That Marco won’t be there to see Jean and Mikasa get married, that he won't be at the wrap party, and that someone will have to come over here and rip him off of the wall for good.

“I can’t do it either.”

Eren’s the next to join the two of you, his arms warm around your shoulders, before you feel him physically tense at your side when he realizes. The crowd only seems to get bigger, until the entire group of you are standing there, limbs tangled in together as you all stare at the picture of him.

Levi and Hange, who are the last to join, are the first to break the silence.

“No one can do it, can they?” Hange asks.

You all shake your heads. Levi makes his way to the front – and you can’t help but study him as you watch him observe the picture.

It was no secret to you that Levi had a soft spot for Marco, that it only intensified after he died, and that it was something that Levi was going to beat himself over forever.

You think about it often – that one time that Levi insinuated that what happened could be traced back to him, because Marco’s fame could be traced back to when Levi had cast him in the show. That if Levi didn't make Marco famous, the paparazzi would have called the ambulance instead of prioritizing the photo.

When he reaches for the picture, you realize that you can’t let him do it alone.

You walk up to his side and pull on his arm.

“Together.” you state.

Levi gives you wide eyes, heaving a deep sign out, before he nods. You turn back to the crowd of them standing, as you gesture for them to join.

You all place your hands on each other, making it literally impossible for you to all stand there as you try to jump and duck under each other to secure your hands on the picture. It’s all giggles because Connie asks Reiner not to touch his butt and they start bickering before you all pull.

But on the count of three, you all pull it off of the wallpaper, before letting go. It’s left in Levi’s hands at the end of it.

You all let him keep it. He shoots you a grateful smile for the assistance.

The air is palpable the morning of the wedding. You can feel it thrumming under your skin – the anticipation – the second you spring your eyes open. It reminded you of how you used to sleep the night before a field trip, unable to contain your excitement to the point where you were unable to quiet your mind before sleeping.

You nearly shoot up because of it, unable to stop staring at Mikasa at your side. Her hair is tousled around the pillow, the sleep mask that she put on last night sticking to the side of her face, and she’s snoring horrendously loud.

In your excitement, you lean forward and press a kiss to her forehead.

“Jean?”

You snort.

“No. Don’t insult me in the early hours of the morning.” you state.

Your voice is enough to wake Mikasa up, and similarly enough to you, she shoots up the second she’s regained consciousness. The green mask is falling off the right side of her face and her eyes are so horrendously wide that she almost looks like an alien.

“Holy shit. “

“What?”

“I’m getting married today.”

You can’t help but smile from ear to ear as you wrap your arms around her neck and squeeze hard. It’s a mix of giggles, of the two of you squealing like you were fifteen again, and of you and Mikasa tickling each other in your hug.

The morning goes by relatively slowly.

Whatever that feeling is, the warm, sweetness in the air – it’s hanging in the air. The group of you are all holed up in Mikasa’s room – Gabi, Falco, Connie, Historia, Armin, and Sasha. The rest of them were all stuck with Jean. You can already anticipate that there’s more panic and high energy in that room just from the sheer fact of Ymir being stuck with Reiner, Eren, and Jean in there alone.

You were all in charge of getting Mikasa ready, of getting dressed yourselves, and getting her to the venue. They had to do the same with Jean – but you and Eren had to be there before to pass out the corsages and pin the boutonnieres.

There was a slight panic in the background, but the calmness was making it taper into almost nothing. And really, the entire ordeal felt so homey, so ordinary that you couldn’t help but find yourself smiling as you all went about it, because you had been thinking – planning for it – for so long.

Connie and Sasha tasked themselves with making iced coffee, Falco and Gabi had spent twenty minutes tracking down the Doordash order with the breakfast, and you were left alone to do Mikasa’s hair.

It was just the two of you, humming in the bathroom to the quiet little playlist Jean had sent Mikasa as a gift this morning, as you quietly tasked yourself with doing her hair. It was relatively simple, just two braids at the front to tuck behind her ears, with little flowers intertwined in between. The veil was going to take up most of the space in the back, so you were just curling the ends for her.

It’s quiet until you can hear her sniffling, only to look up in the mirror to her trying to blot her tears away from her eyes. You try to focus on the song that’s playing – only to find that Jean had put invisible string in the playlist – and you can’t help but smile. You pause, placing your hands on her shoulders as you squeeze hard.

“Oh god. Are you getting cold feet because he’s ugly?” you joke.

She glares at you.

“Fuck off.”

You laugh before tucking wrapping your arms around her waist and leaning your chin on her shoulder. She gives you a smile in the mirror – one that you return – as she finishes wiping her tears away.

“Now really. What is it? You can’t be sad on your wedding day or else I’ve failed as a maid of honor.”

She shakes her head.

“Not sad. Just…I don’t know. I was reflecting. Feeling really introspective about a lot of things and I realized that there was a point that I thought this would never happen for me. And god, I’m so fucking happy it is.” Mikasa states.

“This meaning…?”

“You. Braiding my hair for my wedding. Jean. Actually marrying me after everything that happened. Getting to leave here with him.”

You swallow hard. She turns around, placing her hands on your shoulder. You distract yourself by messing with how the ends of her bangs were falling, brushing them into place before you give her a smile.

“Thanks for coming back. I would never want to do this without you.” she states.

“Thanks for letting me. It would be agonizing to watch this from the sidelines.”

She leans forward and hugs you, so hard that she’s leaning her entire weight on you. And every inclination that you made of letting go gets ignored, because Mikasa holds on to you for a long time.

“You’re my best friend.” she mumbles.

You can feel the tears accumulating in your own eyes, the sniffling coming from your nose this time, as you hear Mikasa spare a quiet laugh.

“Seriously?”

“I just started getting all fucking…introspective like you were. I’ve spent my entire life here, my entire childhood sleeping next to you and when I wasn’t, it was because Jean was in here. And now you’re getting married to him and I’m going to be right next to you when it happens, and I just…”

You pause.

“I don’t remember when we grew up. I’m glad I got to do it with the both of you.” you finish.

You try to etch it into your memory – this moment – so you can remember it forever. The two of you in your pajamas, barefoot on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, breathing in tandem as you held each other while crying.

She was hours away from being a wife. You were about to watch Jean and Mikasa get the perfect ending, that the nights that they spent together in your room all led to the two of them standing on that altar, exchanging vows. You would be two feet away from Eren, who was going to smile at you with his perfect green eyes and make your stomach do a somersault.

You were going to hold hands, he was going to dance with you, and that might be the end of it. Or the start, if you’re both able to muster and get over that block that was always stuck in your throats.

Connie and Sasha return with the coffee soon enough and Falco and Gabi with the food. You all sit in a circle, sharing bites and switching drinks, until Sasha locks herself and Mikasa in the bathroom to do her makeup and fit her into her dress.

You take the free second to sit at the vanity, using the sweet free time to style Falco’s hair for him before you do your own makeup. You can see Connie brushing Gabi’s hair through the mirror, intently focused as he holds the bobbi pins in between his lips, and gathers her hair together at the back of her neck. You can’t help but smile as you focus back on Falco, trying to tame the unruliness of his hair with the mousse.

“Be careful with Eren’s cufflinks today, Falco. He’s expecting those back.” you state.

“No, he isn’t. He gave them to me earlier and he actually said that he wants me to keep them.”

It makes your heart sink a little – only because you don’t know what it means. If he was giving it up to Falco out of good will because he was your little brother and he loved him or because he wanted to get them straight off of his hands since you two were going to be leaving and parting ways soon.

“Well, be careful. They’re very nice. And they’re special too, so just. Take care.” you state.

Falco frowns at you through the mirror, before turning back to look at you.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You seem sad.”

“No. I just feel really sentimental. My best friend is getting married and we…we’re all going to be leaving soon. I’m watching two people who have been in love forever seal the deal before I won’t ever live with them ever again.”

Falco frowns, before he reaches forward and wraps his arms around you. You can’t help but smile as you bury your nose into his shirt, breathing in the scent of his shampoo and laundry detergent mixed together.

“You’ll have a lot of fun today. You’ll have Eren with you. And you’re performing your song, which will be amazing. Levi also told me that you have to save a dance from him and Connie said he’s going to mix drinks after the reception, so you have a lot to look forward to.”

You glare at him.

“The only thing you’re mixing is soda, Falco.”

He gives you a grin.

“Right!”

“I’m going to tell mom.”

He glares.

“Don’t be a narc. I was trying to be nice to you.”

“You’re going to get liver disease, Falco.”

“Gabi and I have never tried it. We just wanted to do it together.”

You pinch your lips together, before shaking your head.

“I’ll just pretend like I didn’t hear that.”

You watch as Falco’s eyes light up, before he presses a wet kiss to your cheek. You push him off, as you finish the last touches on his hair, and lean down to press a kiss to the top of his head.

Falco runs off, mainly to Gabi’s side as he starts admiring her hair and she does the same to him. And as you quietly start smearing the makeup on your face, Connie takes the seat at your side at the vanity.

It’s quiet. Mainly because he’s messing with the ends of his own hair and you’re focused on smearing the glitter on your eyelids that you don’t really acknowledge each other. You only break the concentration – and start the conversation – as Connie watches you struggle with your necklace.

“Yikes. Want help?”

You smile.

“Yeah. Yeah, thanks.” you state.

You hand the necklace over to him – and watch the smile spread across his face as he eyes the little Saturn charm – before he signals for you to turn around. The necklace falls perfectly into place before you turn back to him and silently thank him.

“Eren’s wearing his pin too.” Connie states.

“He is?”

“Well, planning on it. I saw him walking around with it downstairs when we were making the coffee.”

You hum in response, as you place the blush on your cheeks.

“How did he seem? Is he stressed out?”

“No. He’s pretty zen, considering how batshit he was acting last night when you were running through the checklist.”

You smile.

“I just think he’s excited for the wedding. You know how much he loves Jean and Mikasa.” you state.

Connie smiles at you through the mirror, before leaning his cheek in the palm of his hand. It’s a weirdly antagonistic look that he gives you, that you ignore as you rummage through the colors of your lip glosses and lipsticks to find the perfect one.

“I know how much he loves you.”

You give him a weary look.

“You kissed three times. He smiled into the kiss. You used your tongue. We’re not about to play this shitty game.” Connie states.

“I didn’t say anything.” you state.

Connie smiles and really, the fact that he was rooting for the two of you so hard, that he approved, only made your excitement to see him later grow tenfold.

“So you know that he loves you?” Connie asks.

You swallow hard, before shaking the thought away.

“Well, of course he does. We’re good friends.”

Connie gives you a glare and it makes you fold.

“Just…don’t tell him, okay?”

“I won’t. But you…you do know, right?”

You sigh.

“Yeah. I’m just stuck on how to tell him, when the right time is, if…if he really wants to. I know that he loves me but that…that doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to give our relationship another try.”

Connie frowns.

“He doesn’t know that’s on the table.” Connie states.

“What do you mean?”

“You know he loves you. He has no idea that you love him too.”

“There’s no way. It’s…it’s obvious. I’ve given him so many signs.”

Connie shrugs.

“Yeah. But he’s insecure. His mind plays tricks on him…and he won’t believe it unless you tell him, explicitly. Some days he says that he thinks you reciprocate and in the next hour, he’s moping in my room about how he’s lost you forever.”

You deflate and give him a nod, as you secure your hands around one of your tubes of lipstick. Connie shakes his head, before taking it from you and digging through the little pouch himself.

“No, you can’t wear that.” Connie states.

“I didn’t realize you were so opinionated about the makeup I wore.”

“No. Well, yes. But no, no Eren likes it when you wear glossy stuff on your lips.”

“Why do you know that?”

“He’s down horrendous.” Connie affirms.

“I’m not picking my makeup look based off of Eren.”

Connie pauses and gives you a look. You sigh.

“Okay, fine. Give it.”

He gives you a bright smile, before handing it over to you. And you smear it over your lips, before taking the open room on the left so slip in your dress and meet Eren downstairs.

You slip into your dress before you meet Eren downstairs, to make sure that everyone gets tucked into the correct cars, with flowers pinned to their jackets and secured around their wrists. You carry the pair of shoes you had chosen – black kitten heels to save your feet from the walking – as you make your way down the stairs.

You can already see Eren standing in the kitchen, placing the boxes in a line, as you feel the nervousness prickle all over your skin. His hair is pushed back, tucked behind his ears. He’s not wearing his jacket yet, the sleeves of his white collared shirt pulled up to his forearms, and he looks perfect.

You nervously knock on the frame of the door, as you drop your heels to the ground and join him at his side.

“Hey. Want my help?” you mumble, feeling the shake in your voice.

Eren’s fumbling with the plastic box in his hands, his throat bobbing, as he doesn’t respond, until it’s awkwardly been too long. And it’s almost like he’s realized it – that he was staring full on, that he had ignored what you had said – as he shakes his head before looking up at you.

“Did-did you say something to me?”

You can’t help but laugh, as you nervously rub at the sides of your biceps.

“Yeah. I was asking if you wanted help.”

“Right. Yeah, yeah. I was just making sure that the boxes had everyone’s names on it.” Eren adds.

You hum in response, as you join him at his side, and eye the little list that he had set in the middle of the counter. You start to eye the little labels, leaving little star marks next to each one you found on the paper, as you try to distract yourself and the burning in the pit of your stomach.

“You look beautiful.”

You feel your eyes widen.

“Huh?”

“I mean, you’re beautiful. You’re always beautiful, but you…”

Eren lifts his gaze from the plastic boxes, as he looks over at you, eyes striking and piercing. It sends a shiver down your spine. He places both of his hands on your elbows and you mimic the motion by resting yours against your forearms as you look up at him.

You watch as his eyes waver – first to your lips, before they drop down to your necklace. He reaches up, twisting the little Saturn charm in between his fingers, before he smiles up at you.

“Mine is on my jacket.”

You smile.

“He has to be there some way, right?”

He sighs.

“Yeah.”

“Speaking of…”

He looks around the little plastic boxes, before he reaches for one that has your name scribbled over the top. You reach for it, before he pulls back, giving you an offended look.

“Are you insane?” he asks.

“What? That’s literally mine.”

“What kind of guy do you think I am? You’re my date, I obviously have to put it on for you.” Eren states.

“Oh.”

Eren smiles.

“Yeah. Oh.”

Eren opens up the little plastic box, pulling out the little corsage, before fidgeting with the little flowers until they fall perfectly. You hold out your left hand to him and he slides the little ribbon across your wrist, until it’s set in place.

He lifts your hand and presses your knuckles against his lips, leaving a quiet kiss on your ring finger. It makes your chest burn.

“Perfect.” he whispers.

You swallow hard, trying to swallow the dryness in your throat, as you look up at him.

“Can I do yours?”

“I don’t have a corsage, sweetheart. Such a shame.”

You shove him.

“You know what I meant.”

He smiles, as he reaches for his coat hanging from the chair. You find the box with his name on it as he pulls his jacket on, adjusting it. You take the little silver pins and the boutonniere as you press it to the lapel. And it’s going well until you poke a little too hard, in the wrong direction.

“Ow.”

“Fuck. I’m so sorry, Eren.”

You can feel your hands shaking as you try to pin it properly this time, which only gets worse when you can feel that Eren’s watching you – and that he’s amused by how hard you’re trying not to stab him with the pins.

“That didn’t actually hurt, Y/N.”

You place the last pin before you unclench and look back up at him. You take the second to admire the little purple flowers on his coat, before smiling up at him.

“Perfect!”

Eren smirks, before he leans forward. He’s so close that you can feel the breath tickling your nose when he talks and the mint in his breath.

“No kiss for me?”

“Huh? Did…did you want one?”

“It’s hardly satisfying when you have to ask for it. You have to offer it to me.” Eren states.

And you were about to, but that’s right when Jean and Niccolo come tumbling down the stairs, readjusting their collars. You can hear the cars pulling up against the gravel outdoors, as Eren hands both of them their boutonnieres, and they run out the door.

Everyone tumbles through like a stampede – as you get stuck handing all of them the boxes and get too distracted to hand them all out. You feel your heart burst when Historia realizes that she gets two corsages – since Reiner and Connie are both her dates – and the dramatic display that they both make of kissing her hand and her cheeks when they put them on her has you giggling.

Levi and Hange are the last ones to leave, until it’s just you and Eren standing in the kitchen, facing each other.

“Ready?”

“Yeah. Just have to put my shoes on.”

Eren gives you a nod, before grabbing them from the side and getting on his knees. His arms move around your leg, exposed from the slit in the side of your dress as he secures the buckles around your ankles.

“Too tight?”

You clear your throat.

He has to know what he’s doing to you. That he can’t just place his head in between your legs like that.

“No. That’s good.”

He mimics the motion with the other shoe, fingers featherlike around your ankle, before he looks back up at you. And he holds his hand out to you, circling it around yours as the two of you walk out onto the gravel towards the car.

The four of you are lined up inside, peeking out the window, at Jean standing alone at the altar. You can see groups of people running around the little makeshift aisles – Hange and Levi sharing a drink, Lana with a little baby bump and Teddy tangled around her knees, and Sofia and Ymir admiring the flowers around the aisle.

“Lana and Sukuna are here. I can’t believe she’s showing already.” you whisper to Eren.

You watch as Eren’s eyes scan the room, before he catches the sight of the three of them on the left and smiles.

“Look at Teddy’s suit. He’s fucking adorable.”

“Sofia and Ymir look fucking amazing.” Connie adds.

“And Niccolo!” Sasha adds.

The three of you turn your gaze to her, giving her a side eye, before you all burst out laughing. In the time that you have to wait for Mikasa, Connie somehow produces two popsicles from the little truck outside, one that he hands to you and Eren and the other that he shares with Sasha.

You consider yourself lucky that Connie chose the blue one for himself and gave you and Eren the lemon, which had a translucent color. Connie later realizes his mistake when his tongue turns blue.

You look up at Eren, whose eyes are still transfixed at the people lingering around outside.

“You don’t want any, Eren?”

He looks over at you, and down at the popsicle, before he wraps his arm around your wrists and uses it to lift the popsicle to his mouth. He takes one bite and gives you a smile, before dropping his featherlike touch from your hand and looking back outside.

You can’t help but use your other hand to rub the inside of your forearm, where his fingers had just touched yours.

And you watch everyone with him, the two of you silently standing at the window. Levi keeps getting Hange refills and Reiner and Historia go in the photo booth. Sukuna basically guards Lana like a dog – refusing to leave her side, leaning down every few minutes to whisper in her ear, with what you know is constant questioning of if she’s comfortable or not.

Connie and Sasha yank on your elbows. The two of you turn your heads only to fall silent at the sight of Mikasa, excitedly smiling at you in her pristine and perfect white dress.

“Ready to get me married, guys?” she whispers.

You feel your heart squelch in your chest as you reach forward at the same time as Sasha, the two of you stuck in each of her arms and the fresh scent of her bouquet filling your nose. You can’t help but admire her – the shimmering glitter on her skin, the sparkling accents on her dress, and the veil flowing behind her.

It’s perfect.

She lets the two of you go before she gives Connie and Eren a shy smile, and they both rise to the occasion. They make a dramatic display of clutching their chests and it makes your heart sing as you watch Mikasa smile at the praise, at the two of them making it evidently clear that she’s one of the most beautiful things she’s ever seen. Connie and Eren both lean down to press a kiss to Mikasa’s cheeks, before you all line up, standing side by side.

Connie and Sasha stand in front, followed by you and Eren, and then Mikasa alone. You turn to Eren and he offers you a wink, as you feel your nerves bubble as the entrance song stars.

You can see it from the window – Levi seated at the piano with the microphone in front of him. And on his cue, Sasha and Connie walk out first together.

I've waited a hundred years But I'd wait a million more for you Nothing prepared me for What the privilege of being yours would do

Eren extends his hand out to you and you wrap yours in with his, as you both walk out into the courtyard. The air is fresh, the sun is dipping into the sunset and making a perfect mix of purple and pink hues, as the little lights hanging from the trees start twinkling.

You can’t help but squeeze hard on the bouquet as you walk down, nerves tingling. It’s warm in the little courtyard, but only because of how the blood rushes to your cheeks – it nearly hurts to smile this hard.

You offer Sukuna a wink as you walk past, before you and Eren let each other go at the end of the aisle. You and Eren stop before Jean, before leaning forward to give him a hug. You press a kiss to his cheek, which he smiles brightly at, before you and Eren take your spots opposite to each other at his side.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch If I had only seen how you smile when you blush Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough

I would have known what I was living for all along What I've been living for

Levi’s voice is piercing, so warm and full that it makes the tears spark to your eyes. And when everyone rises out of their chairs and Mikasa steps out into the light, you instantly turn your head to the left to look at Jean.

And surely enough, Jean’s hands are shaking at his sides as the tears start to sprout out of his eyes – as he looks at her glide down and doesn’t break his eye contact once. It’s full blown tears, from both of them, and Mikasa’s basically rushing down the aisle just to get there faster.

You look past Jean to find Eren watching the two of them, with the brightest smile on his face.

Your love is my turning page Where only the sweetest words remain Every kiss is a cursive line Every touch is a redefining phrase

When Mikasa makes it to the end, Jean reaches for her hand and pulls her up. You take the little bouquet from her hands, and she gives you a wink in response, before turning back to Jean and locking her hands in with his.

I surrender who I've been for who you are For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart If I had only felt how it feels to be yours Well, I would have known what I've been living for all along What I've been living for

Levi finishes the end of his song with a dancing melody on the piano, before everyone takes a seat and they start the ceremony.

You and Eren stare at each other the entire time.

The reception afterwards is cast in silver moonlight. There’s a live jazz band, a little dance floor, and obviously an open bar. It’s a rush to make sure that Mikasa and Jean aren’t entirely shit faced by the time you’re able to perform your song and keeping them away from the bar before that happens turns out to be a horrendous task.

But surely enough, you and Eren are standing by the piano as you wait for Levi to announce the first dance. You turn to Eren, looking up at him, as you watch Levi make his way over to the microphone.

“Nervous?”

Eren shakes his head.

“Have you with me. We’ll be fine.”

You give him a nod as you absentmindedly tangle your hand in with his at your sides, that he welcomes. And when Levi announces that it’s time for the first dance, Mikasa and Jean make their way to the center of the dance floor, the two of them blowing you a kiss as you take your seat at the piano.

The second they look away, too entranced with looking at each other, Eren slides into the bench at your side and the two of you start playing the piano together. It’s only when Eren starts singing the first verse that they look back, at the two of you sitting there together.

Eren: I spy with my little tired eye Tiny as a firefly A pebble that we picked up last July Down deep inside your pocket We almost forgot it Does it ever miss Wicklow sometimes?

You look up from the piano keys to find Jean looking at you – smiling so brightly as the tears stream from his eyes – with Mikasa in his hands. You give him a wink, as you watch him turn his head away, his tears only increasing when he looks down at Mikasa.

Eren and Y/N: They said the end is coming Everyone's up to something I find myself running home to your sweet nothings Outside, they're push and shoving You're in the kitchen humming All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

Y/N: On the way home I wrote a poem You say, "What a mind" This happens all the time

You can’t help but turn to your left to look at Eren, only to find that he’s already looking at you first. He tangles his foot in with yours under the piano as your fingers brush against each other and you can feel it – the softness enveloping you and Eren, that the feeling of being around him makes your skin tickle whenever he looks at you.

Y/N: Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more" To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it

You and Eren turn your heads back to the dance floor to watch as everyone joins Jean and Mikasa on the dance floor, hands locked together as they all smile at each other. Connie, Reiner, and Historia are trying some weird three way version of slow dance that has all of them laughing, and Hange and Levi are stuck in some deep conversation that they are whispering in each other’s ears.

Falco and Gabi are so tense that it almost looks painful, but the smiles on their faces don’t indicate that they’re aware of how rigid they’re both being. And Ymir presses a kiss to Sofia’s cheek, which makes her laugh.

Eren and Y/N: They said the end is coming (they said the end is coming) Everyone's up to something (everyone's up to something) I find myself running home to your sweet nothings Outside, they're push and shoving (outside, they're push and shoving) You're in the kitchen humming (you're in the kitchen humming) All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

You and Eren turn to your left to give the jazz band a thumbs up, as they take over on the music and start playing soft violin music so everyone can keep going. And you turn back to your right towards Eren and lean forward to wrap your arms around his neck.

And when you pull back, you secure one of his hands around his cheek and absentmindedly rub your thumb against his bottom lip.

“Think it went well?” Eren whispers.

You shrug. Eren smiles back, before mimicking your shrug in response.

You can feel the breath leave your lungs as you feel a pair of two arms around you, only to find Jean and Mikasa strangling you and Eren from behind the piano. The two of you stand up, to hug the two of them openly, as they smile down at you. Mikasa seems to break off to talk to Eren, because Jean pulls you to the side.

“Y/N.”

“Just to be clear, that was your gift. And if you hate it, that’s too bad because I –”

You’re cut off by Jean pressing a kiss to your cheek, before he envelopes you in a hug so hard that you can barely breathe. Jean lets go after a few minutes, his hand warm on your face as he smiles down at you.

“I loved it. That was the song of my dreams.”

You can’t help but grin at him.

“You deserve nothing less, Jean. I…I’m really happy for you. Just take care of my girl, okay?”

“That’s a promise.” he affirms.

You’re joined by Eren and Mikasa at your sides and you can tell from the pink mark on Eren’s cheek that Mikasa was feeling just as sappy as Jean was. You reach forward and wipe the mark away from his cheek, as you look at the two of them.

“I owe Mika a dance and then Gabi. I’m all yours after that, Y/N.” Eren says.

You smile, before you wave him off.

“Go ahead.”

You take your seat back at the piano bench, as you collect the sheet music and the lyrics and tuck them into the little cabinet of the piano. You sit there for some time – watching Eren and Mikasa giggle on the dance floor before he switches with Gabi who can’t stop blushing.

That’s until you’re joined by Levi at your side, who offers you a flute of champagne. You take it from him, as you tuck your arm into his, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“Your song was beautiful, Levi.” you murmur.

“Yours was too.” he responds.

You both watch the room in silence for some time, at how animated and lively it all was. Teddy was falling asleep against Sukuna’s shoulder, but him and Lana were caught in a deep conversation – soft smiles on both of their faces as they talked under their breaths at their table.

“I want to talk to you about something.” Levi states.

“Go ahead.”

Levi clears his throat.

“I…I hear that my vow renewal all those years ago meant a lot to you. Eren and I were talking about it.”

“Oh. Yeah, what about it?”

“I want to know what it meant.” Levi clarifies.

You lean back as you think about it – about the love in the room – and turn back to him.

“That night was the first time that Eren and I said we loved each other. That…that was the last time before things went so horribly wrong. Because we sat on the bench and talked about the love in the room, about how it was between us.”

You can feel your throat drying.

“After that, I got so busy. I started working too hard. He got stuck on Satellite Port, he…he was around people we hated and there were just so many things that came between us. I let go but then he did too. I had him for a second and then he was gone for good.”

You look back out at him, posing for a picture with Gabi encased in his arms.

“I saw you and Hange that day and all I could think about was how in love you guys were. About how I knew love was real, because you guys had it. That…that was what I was going to strive for, what I still do strive for at the end of the day. You guys are perfect, you’re THE love story for me and…you always have been.”

Levi sighs.

“Can I say one thing to you?” Levi asks.

“Yeah.”

“You have a tendency to not see things as they are sometimes. Like Danny and Sareen taking advantage, like Eren saying it was okay when you let him go, and believing him when he said what he did.”

You tilt your head to the side, in confusion.

“Hange and I are far from perfect. I’ll tell you now, very clearly. Hange and I did a vow renewal because we needed one. Not because it was romantic and we wanted to do it again.”

“What?”

“We wouldn’t be together if we didn’t do it. And our relationship reached that point, where…where we needed to affirm it again. That we loved each other, that we were committed, that we were what was most important.”

You sit back, dumbfounded.

Levi and Hange were in love. They had always been in love.

“I don’t get it.”

Levi smiles.

“What I mean by this is that��these things are normal in love. The initial attraction doesn’t keep you going. You have to pick each other, you have to be on the same side. It’s far more intentional, less cosmic as you think.” Levi states.

You follow his gaze to Jean and Mikasa, clearly obscenely drunk out of their minds, eating their wedding cake.

“They’re just as perfect as me and Hange are. It’s a fucking testament to them that they’re sitting here married after what happened with them. And it should be proof to you that what happened with you and Eren won’t hold you back, that…that it’ll really benefit you when it comes to it. You’ve already gotten past the hard part, you just need to leap now.”

You swallow hard.

“Are you shattering my entire worldview by telling me the truth about your vow renewal so I’ll date Eren?”

“Yeah.”

“Figures.”

Levi looks over at you, hands warm on your shoulders.

“Your mistake wasn’t picking him. His was not picking you when it came to it later, not in the way that mattered anyway. Now, fix it. Pick him now.”

Levi abruptly stops when Eren’s standing at your side, tie loosened around his neck as he gives you a cheesy smile.

“Ready for me?” Eren asks.

Levi gives you a narrowed look, which you ignore as you nod and stand up at his side. Eren leads you to the center of the dance floor, securing his hands around your waist as you tangle your own around his neck.

You and Eren sway to the violin in the background, the two of you quietly observing each other as you walk in step.

“I’m sorry I took so long. I danced with Mikasa and then Gabi. Lana and Sukuna stopped to talk to me and I just got side tracked.”

You shake your head.

“No, no. I…it’s okay. I was with Levi.”

Eren smiles.

“I…I’m glad you’re here with me now.” he whispers.

“Me too.” you whisper back.

The live singer, a small gift that Levi and Hange had planned for Mikasa and Jean, arrives right at the start of your little dance, and her voice so soft and melodic that you can’t help but pull yourself closer to Eren as she sings, until your ear is muffled against his coat, barely catching the ends of his heartbeat.

Time's moving so much slower lately It's like the world's playin' a joke Laughing at me for falling foolishly again But something's different with you

Traffic on Sunset doesn't phase me I'm just unusually composed That is until I touch you and I can't pretend I lose myself again, I do

I'm all in, I'm fallin' Can't get back up Can't think right, too tongue-tied It must be love

“Eren?”

“Yeah?”

“What are you thinking about?”

He pulls you apart a little, until you’re standing properly and looking up at him. The violin’s are sending goosebumps down your arms as he looks down at you, pointer finger hooked under your chin as he guides you to look up at him.

“That someone heard my prayers.”

You smile.

“Really?”

He nods.

“Armin and I used a whoopie cushion on Connie earlier. Gabi gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek and Teddy fell asleep in my lap earlier. Jean and Mikasa are getting married and I’m here with you. There was a point where thinking I’d ever end up here seemed unfathomable to me.”

“You and Armin are so immature.” you state.

Eren shrugs.

“It keeps me young,” he jokes.

Friends asking me where I've been hiding I'm losin' hours in your eyes Lost in your wonderland, I hope I'm never found There's no one else around, tonight

I'm not so used to being happy Now I just float down every street You made a sappy, stupid something out of me The kind I swore I'd never be I'm awake inside a dream

“I have…I have a lot I want to talk to you about, Eren. So…so much I want to say.”

Eren’s eyes widen.

“My time is always yours. What did you want to say?”

“It’s so many things. And I want to say it right. There’s…there’s so much going on and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way and I don’t want to scare you off because you and I are just doing good again and I don’t think that –”

Eren narrows his eyes.

“Why are you so tense? There’s nothing you could say that would hurt my feelings. It’s just me.”

You frown.

“That’s the problem. It’s just you.”

You feel a tapping on your shoulder, only to find Jean and Mikasa standing by your side, with two glasses in their hands.

“Are we interrupting something?” Jean asks.

You groan.

“No. What’s up?”

“We have one last request.” Mikasa states.

“What is it?” Eren asks.

The two of them give each other an excited smile – cheeks glazed pink – before they turn back to you.

“You have to let loose and drink.” they state, pushing the glasses into your hands.

You both give each other a pinched look, before turning back to them.

“We don’t drink. It makes me sleepy. And he doesn’t like the taste.” you state.

“We’re not going to force you. But really, you put so much time into the wedding. We just want you guys to have fun…loosen up a little bit.” Mikasa states.

The two of them giggle as they walk away, leaving the two of you in the center of the dance floor, nursing the glasses in your hands. You look up at him, entirely lost from your train of thought, as he eyes the liquid.

“Do you want to?” Eren asks.

“I don’t know. Do you want to?”

“It’s been a while since I’ve drank. And really, I only choose not to drink because I always seem to be around people that I’d feel uncomfortable losing my inhibitions around. But it’s just you and me and you’re basically one of the only people I could drink around. I don’t think a little wouldn’t hurt, I guess.”

You nod, following his lead. Your moment to say your piece had passed already.

“Okay. Okay, yeah.”

You both lift the glasses to your lips and sip.

Eren has to carry you back into the house. Because true to your previous statement, wine did make you really sleepy – and two bottles of it has you curled up into his lap in the back of the car.

Eren can feel his heart beating fast, the sensation blooming in his chest as he tries to steady his breaths. He absentmindedly runs his hands through your hair, running his finger over the sole braid tucked behind your ear.

He doesn’t think about it very well, but he leans forward and presses a kiss to the tip of your nose. Eren figures that he must have leaned too close because it has you rousing from your sleep, only nuzzling into his chest even more.

“Are we home yet, Eren?”

He can feel his chest tightening.

“No, sweetheart. Almost, okay?”

“Okay. Okay, just take me in with you, alright?” you mumble.

Eren saves his retort about how he’d never leave you behind for when you’re awake, just so he could make sure that you’d actually remember it. And five minutes later, he’s left standing on the gravel with you, as you lean almost all of your weight into his side.

Every move he makes has you losing your balance, almost toppling to the ground.

“Hey. Can you lock your arms around my neck?”

You give him a halfhearted mumble before following his instructions, only to feel him hook his arms underneath your legs and shakily walk you towards the door. You can tell that he’s stumbling a little bit – not walking straight as he almost backs up into the wall as he walks in.

The two of you must have had too much to drink. Because as Eren walks straight up the stairs, he aims so horribly that he smacks your head straight into the wall and curses after the fact.

“Eren.” you hiss.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t see the wall.”

You groan in response.

“Look out for it next time.”

Eren scathes his way to the hallway to his room, which he kicks open before leading you in. You all but collapse on his bed face first as he leans against the wall – groaning from how dizzy he was getting. Luckily for him, he had thought ahead to lay out clothes for himself – and that he overthought so much that there was a second pair too.

Eren walks over to the bed, placing one of his hands on your shoulder as he shakes.

“Y/N.”

No response.

“Y/N. You can’t sleep in your pretty dress.” he whispers.

“Tired.” you respond, voice mumbled.

“Here. I’ll help you change, just work with me.”

Eren holds one of his hands out to you, which you take. He uses it to pull you up until you’re leaning against him, head lolled against his shoulder and his hands on your waist stabilizing you. Eren secures his hand around your face and you lean into the touch as he looks down at you, eyes side.

“Work with me here.” Eren whispers.

“Okay.”

“I’m going to help you with the zipper on your dress. Just slide the shirt that I left on the side, I-I’ll close my eyes.”

You shrug.

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to close your eyes.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. Is that weird? It…it’s nothing you haven’t seen before. And…and I’m not…I don’t know what I’m saying.”

Eren gives you a nod before he guides you to turn around, fixing his shaking hands on the zipper as he starts pulling it down. Eren can feel his breath hitch in his throat as he turns his head away, trying to banish the thought of the fabric pooling at your legs on the floor, at the small dip in your back that he always seemed to think about.

He can feel you tugging at his arm and he turns back to find you drowning in one of his old t-shirts, as you look up at him.

“Are you cold? I have pants you can wear or…or an extra blanket and I –”

“No. No, it’s okay.”

Eren didn’t really ask for the help, maybe because he was a little bit more awake than you, but he doesn’t stop you when you reach forward and start unbuttoning his shirt. Eren can tell that it’s more difficult for you than it would have been for him, but he doesn’t have it in his heart to stop you.

Eren pulls the shirt off and discards it to the side, before turning around to unbutton his pants and switch into his boxers.

“You…you don’t have to wear a shirt. If you still don’t.” you state.

Eren can feel his cheeks burning.

“You sure?”

“I actually don't want you to. That’s why I mentioned that.”

You’re definitely drunk, Eren thinks.

“And why’s that?”

“I like feeling close to you. There’s nothing between my ear and your heart when I lean against you.” you mumble.

Eren can feel his heart constrict – even more than it was before – when you look up at him now, the glitter smeared around your eyes. And he’s not sure what it is, but there’s tears accumulating in your eyes, replacing the sweetness in his chest with concern.

“Eren.” you whimper.

“What? What is it?”

You swallow hard. You lean your hands against his chest, before pressing your cheek to his chest.

“I love you so much.”

Eren frowns, before leaning his chin against the top of your head.

“That’s nothing to cry about, princess. I love you too.”

You shake your head, bringing your hands up to your cheeks as you squeeze hard on the skin.

“No. No, I love you, Eren.” you whisper.

“Y/N. You…you’re drunk.”

You frown.

“You don’t believe me?”

“I do. But I…I don’t know if it’s because you’re drunk. You might change your mind in the morning.” Eren states.

You shake your head.

“Eren. Eren, you’re everything to me.”

You look up at him, reaching to tuck the ends of his hair behind his ear, as you feel your voice shake.

“I saw Mikasa and Jean and I just…I just knew more than I already did before that I want it to be me and you. I want us to write songs together, I want to wake up next to you, I want to give you haircuts in our bathtub.”

Eren smiles.

“Haircuts?”

“I love your hair short. Just a little bit shorter than it is now, because…because it looks like your hair when I fell in love with you. I’ve been falling since then and I just need you to crawl down into this hole and be here with me, Eren.” you mumble.

Eren sighs.

“I’d do anything you asked me to. But, but I need you to say it to me tomorrow, when…when you’re being serious.”

“I am serious. Eren, there’s no love in the room if you aren’t in it with me.”

Eren has no words. He has to stumble something out – something because you’re looking at him so expectantly with your doe eyes like you’re waiting for him to give in.

“Still.”

You nod, as you stand on the tips of your toes to tuck yourself into the neck.

“Can you give me one thing, Eren?”

“What?”

“Will you kiss me? Just once?” you ask.

Eren pulls back, eyes weary as he looks down at you.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you. You, you’re…”

“I want to kiss you. I messed up our second kiss while we were filming because I wanted to kiss you so bad I forgot we were working. I think about it all the time. I want it so bad and I just –”

Eren leans forward, pressing his lips to yours. You can still taste the remnants of the wine on his lips and he’s breathing shakily into your mouth as he cradles your face in his hands.

You can feel your heart somersault when he smiles into the kiss, when he presses two, three, and four more to the side of your face. You drop your hands from his neck to his back, the raised skin of the scars on his back underneath your fingers as he presses kisses down your neck.

“Eren.”

“Sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry. Too much. We have to go to bed because you’re drunk and I…I can’t do this if you’re drunk and I am too and it…”

You nod.

“You’re right. Just…just let me sleep here with you?” you ask.

“Come on.”

Eren walks around to the other side of the bed, not without walking straight into the wall first, before he climbs under the sheets with you. And it’s the last thing he remembers before he goes to sleep – you wrapping your leg around him and pressing a kiss right on top of his heart before he goes to bed.

When you wake up in the morning, Eren’s spot in the bed is empty. And you only see him an hour later, when you’re able to reel from what happened last night and see him in the kitchen.

There’s ten different people milling around the kitchen. Erwin and Historia, Connie and Falco throwing a football, and Sasha taste testing Niccolo’s coffee. But all you see when you walk in is Eren, who just gives you a small wave.

You feel the rejection sting as you offer it back and take the spot next to him.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Happy last day of filming. Well, not for us, but…you..you know what I meant.” he states.

You feel your heart drop. He doesn’t remember last night.

“You too, Eren.”

next part linked here

an: oh ladies and gentleman are we ready. ARE WE READY BC CONFESSION NEXT CHAPTER AND IM SO FRRRR. not proofread maybe ill do it tomorrow if I feel strongly enough about it.

also taylor as gojo, bsfs older brother sukuna, and method acting in three days. aka. I CRY A LOT BUT I AM SO PRODUCTIVEEEE ITS AN ART (no I don't I just though this joke was funny)

alsOOOO as I wrap things up I remember someone mentioned wanting some MA chapters from eren's perspective but I can't for the life of me think about which one's would be good for that. the main one that comes to mind is when y/n gets stranded and eren comes to her rescue with ricky LOL. anyways im open to ideas.

taglist: @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms @camilo-uwu @justanotherkpopstanlol l @mel-star636 @fvckingeetar @ttalgi @najaemism @ilovekimchi123 @youraggedybitch @xoyumiqls @leafguitar @spiidergirlsworld @luvs4kim @levin4nami i @florichun @hoonmyluv

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khuzena · 2 years ago

Text

Que sera, sera

♡ˋ°•*⁀➷Rin itoshi x reader

Summary: the story which dives in the beginning and the end of you and rin. He doesn't believe in miracles, though he thinks you are one. He's thankful that what will be, will be. And its you and him.

Warnings: none, fluff to angst, angst to fluff. Childhood friends to strangers to lovers. Slow burn, maybe not i dont know. Happy ending.

A/n: GAAAHHHHHH SORRY I WAS SO TIRED I COULDN'T FINISH THIS ON VALENTINES DAY AWWW MANNN. Its also been a long time since i wrote fics so bear with me with this one and it ain't proofread plss.

For the longest time, Itoshi Rin treated you like shit. Muttering how everything about you is lukewarm and how everything you say is nonsense.

You still remember when you two first met in the playground, at that time Sae never left him yet, Rin still having those chubby cheeks as he runs around in the playground, happily dribbling the ball when the ball suddenly hits your knee.

"O-ow!" You groaned in pain, before you burst into tears as your left knee reddens.

The boy at the swing runs towards you, "Are you okay?" He asks you, he looks concerned for you as guilt creeps up as he doesn't know what to do when sees you cry.

You were a sobbing mess on the floor as the aching got worse, Rin kept a distance before grabbing the playground sand and pouring it at your ankle, "sorry…"

The little boy trying to help you up when you two heard footsteps coming closer, Rin panicking as he realizes it's his brother walking towards them.

Rin stares at the ground when Sae scolds him for being too careless, the little boy now crying with you.

"You two should make up before the adults hear about this, Rin you go and get the first-aid kit and candy, I'll watch after them." The red-head yells as Rin bolts to their house. Later coming back with the first-aid kit and candy, watching his older brother do the work and rub medicine on your scraped knee. As the older boy treated your knee, your eyes met the culprit's gaze, he turned away in shame as tiny sobs left his lips from Sae scolding him earlier.

After that incident, you get a scraped knee, some candy and two new friends. Let's just say Rin's parents weren't too happy when they found out what happened.

The next day, Rin rings your doorbell as he asks your parents where you were, calling you downstairs as you excitedly run towards the gate.

"Oh you're back! What's that in your hand?" Younger you asked Rin as he fiddles a tiny bag in his hands; clearly anxious from yesterday.

The boy gulps before taking a deep breath and awkwardly handing you a bag full of chocolates, "I'm sorry for yesterday.."

Rin closes his eyes as he waits for some sort of punishment until he feels you hug him.

"Heh! No worries, these are my favorite chocolates so you're forgiven."

"Really?" His eyes beam in joy.

"Yup! This chocolate tastes good! Where'd ya get it?" You ask while munching away happily.

"My brother actually has a bowl of candy… you can come over and you can eat more chocolate there."

Your lips curled into a smile before you shook his hand, "what's your name again?"

"Rin."

"Awesome! I'm [name] by the way!"

As you sweep the floor, your broom brushes an old polaroid; it was from 18 years ago. You and Rin were cuddling in Sae's bed, not knowing Sae sneaked in a picture.

Smiling at the picture you reminisce again.

It was summer at that time. Luckily Rin's parents weren't home so you two had the whole house to yourselves.

"Mmm!" Stretching your limbs as you two lie on the couch, playing some mario kart while Sae prepares lunch for the three of you.

The aggressive pressing of the controllers and smell of fruits in the kitchen; you can remember it all perfectly.

"I'm gonna beat you, just you wait—! Hey!" Rin yells when you start tickling him and successfully taking the lead, making Rin's character fall off the map.

Rin's demise eliciting a loud giggle from your lips as you beat his ass after a whole hour of trying to one up each other.

Rin is fuming with anger as he complains to Sae, "No fair! You're cheating! Sae don't give her any chocolates! You're a cheater!"

"Bleh! You're just bad!"

Sae groans in annoyance as he prepares the table, "You two get over here and stop fighting or else I won't let you two play."

You two pout and start glaring at each other.

"That's right midget." You tease him before sitting right next to him, grabbing a plate of spaghetti.

"Shut up! I'm gonna be taller than you, just you wait!" Rin sticks his tongue out, teasing you with confidence but Sae gives you two an icy-glare, indicating that you two should just stop fighting.

"Rin, [name]."

"Y-yes!" Both of you stop fighting, at least not In Front of Sae. Hours go by and the night sky settles in.

Plopping in his bed while staring at all his trophies, "damn rin you won all these?"

Rin doesn't reply, fixing the bed sheets before lying next to you; letting out a small hmph.

You sigh, and make him turn around to face you. "Rin. Sorry for earlier."

Rin rolls his eyes, "lukewarm" he mutters under his breath.

After that you two look away and fall asleep. When Sae comes in however, he sees you two cuddling like kittens. Sae smirks to himself before grabbing his phone, taking a picture— close ups even so he can use this as blackmail later on. Let's just say you both did not enjoy waking up in each other's arms; spoiler alert: Rin actually did.

A few years pass by and you two find each other laying on the park, star gazing. These days Rin gets too lonely, his brother moving to Spain to chase after his career.

"S-so… Rin are you okay?"

The boy right next to you stares at the stars, ignoring your voice calling out for him.

Sighing in defeat, knowing Rin isn't in the mood to talk right now.

"I'm nervous actually, about the future." You say before clearing your throat.

Rin turns around and looks at you, "and?"

The stars were lovely, lovelier than anything you've ever seen.

"It just feels like time flies by so quickly, all of the sudden Sae is in Spain and now we're just- ya know… here."

Rin doesn't say a word again, only listening to the rustling of the leaves as it sways with the wind.

"I just wish we had more time. What if something bad happens in the future and we're not friends anymore?"

Rin sits up before flicking your forehead, "Hey what was that for?!"

"To stop your lukewarm talking, stop worrying about the future— I started learning some Spanish so when Sae comes back I can greet him and.."

He looks back at you, nervous and shaking; tears welling up in his eyes. He misses Sae too much.

You tap his shoulder lightly, pushing him to continue what he wants to say.

"Que sera, sera I think? I searched it up and it means whatever will be, will be. So stop worrying too much, you idiot" he rolls his eyes, trying to stop the tears from leaving his eyes.

The world felt peaceful like this, only you and him; the moon and stars as your witness.

A few years later Sae comes back though it didn't go as expected. You two were ecstatic when Sae came back but he changed. After that Rin and Sae were no longer 'Rin and Sae'; now they were just strangers.

Sae was a catalyst for what Rin would become. Rin stopped eating chocolates. Rin would overexert his body from practice and when you two talk it's nothing more than just 'hello'.

Needless to say you were hurt. This wasn't the Rin you knew, the new him is now an empty shell of what he used to be; no— the old Rin died when Sae came back and now you're left to mourn alone for the old him.

You don't watch Rin's practice anymore; you couldn't bear to see that bitter expression written on his face as he tries and tries to practice more just to catch up to his brother.

Months later, Rin was accepted to blue lock. He was gone again for months.

Staring at the small tv screen when you watch the U20 vs Blue lock match.

The camera pans over to Rin disheveled, on his knees when Sae comes over to him. You wonder what happened between them when they met again on the field that caused Rin to be beyond irritated even though his team won.

A week later, Rin comes back to the neighborhood park, kicking the football with tears in his eyes. Pouring all his anger on the ball, almost deflating the ball in the process.

A gust of wind blows on your face before you utter a weak 'hi'. It was like a teen romcom cliche but the thing is there was no chemistry anymore.

At Least… that you thought that there wasn't.

"Go away." He groans, fixing his shoe tie and running off to get the ball.

"I saw the game." You yell trying to get his attention. He kicks the ball again but this time with more force, the ball ricocheting and bouncing on the fences. "You did great."

Two words almost fell from your lips but cleared your throat, trying to make sure the 'Im proud' doesn't spill from your lips as maybe your tears will too.

Rin quirks his face into an expression you can't describe. Anger? Hatred? But when you stare longer at his eyes, watch how his chest heaves up and down shakily you can see a hint of sadness— as if he was a ripped doll, his heart torn apart, left to rot. He would never admit it but the way you stare at him with such pity, angers him. It makes his torn heart beat rapidly and his lungs bruise more, waiting for you to sew him up again; fixing him.

But he would never admit it, his ego warped mind and his dying heart. He doesn't notice it but he feels alive when he sees you again.

He doesn't know what to do when you stare at him with pity. The small child locked away a long time ago in the corners of his soul begging him to let it all out and cry in your arms; maybe you could see how he's hurting and maybe you'll stitch him up again.

But you don't. At least not now.

He shivers from the cold air, he's glad it's winter as the cold weather could freeze his tears away before you even see it. But it's not cold enough to turn his tears into icicles as he sheds a tiny tear, he swears if he could just open up to you, you would catch it.

His ragged breathing, his worried expression, the tears threatening to leak from his eyes all of it. You ingrain all of it in your mind, burning this memory into your brain.

You want to run towards him, hug him, comfort him like you did as a child. Your arms aching to hold his trembling figure but you don't, fearing it might ignite more tension between you two. So you just watch as he tries to hold back his tears right in front of you.

You say nothing and hand over a piece of chocolate. Watching him accept it and eating one for the first time, oh how he's forgotten the taste of this treat.

There was a silent agreement with you two. A simple nod and you two go back to your own paths now, wondering how the other one is doing right now.

Months pass by again and this time Rin won the world cup but you notice a change in him, a spark reignited in him. The same old spark when he first started playing football.

You couldn't afford to go to the actual world cup so you watch the match on your tv screen. Seeing him in person is better but never seeing him at all even on a screen is worse.

Months ago Rin would be red in anger, you don't know why but it feels like you should've done something. But now, even on the screen you could see him smile for the first time as he shakes hands with Sae.

Letting out a sigh of relief, maybe Rin is fixed, maybe he was the same rin back then. Maybe, just maybe you two could be on good terms again.

Then it happened.

You see Rin again at the park. The neighbors were talking about how the itoshi brothers were going back to the neighbor so you went to the park; this is where Rin has always been.

A leaf falls to your side and at that moment Rin notices your presence. Anxiety bubbling in his chest, he knows what he's done to you. He's scared that you'll never forgive him for how he treated you.

"I'm uh.." you stutter, the words stuck in your throat. Looking down in shame, if you only said this back then maybe you had a chance to fix him. He looks at you, he doesn't look as broken as before. His eyes no longer bear hatred, only melancholy and guilt.

"I'm proud. I'm proud of you." You've finally let the words out, the ones that have been dying to be said.

Silence.

Rin has never been good with words and neither have you. Rin doesn't say anything, he stands up and kicks the football to the tree. That tree has been there for as long as you remember. It was the sign of your pact, your friendship.

He shoves his hand in his pocket, trying to find something. It takes him a while and he pulls out a tiny treat.

It was that same chocolate he first gave you as a child.

Que sera, sera right?

What will be, will be.

From the beginning it was you and Rin. In the end it will always be you and Rin.

You stretch your back after finishing sweeping and dusting the living room. Your shared house should get some renovations by now but oh well, Rin's schedule has never been that generous to give you both enough time.

The warm sun hits your skin as you walk to the garden and tend to the flowers. After you and Rin hit it off he started to plant your favorite flowers in your garden, so even if it weren't valentines day, he'd still have enough flowers to give you every day.

"I'm home." That familiar voice echoes in the room, the door creaking open.

You chuckle as you place the broom away, "Hard day?"

He nods and hugs you, his wedding ring hitting your back as he hugs too tightly. He lets out a small giggle when you pepper his face with kisses.

You threw the curtain at his chest as he raised an eyebrow, "Rin, we should really renovate and shop for new stuff— these things are getting a little too wonky don't you think?"

He lets out a sigh, he barely notices the condition of the house when he's out for months. "Fine, fine. We're going out later"

Your lips quirk into a smile. Oh how lucky you are to be with him. The way he treated you like a deity, praising the floor you step foot on. Caring for you and treating you kindly, gently even as a way to pay back what you did for him. You stitched his torn heart back up, sure the scars will stay forever but he learnt how to cherish it because it brought him to you.

"Rin, help me with this thing— it's too heavy!"

He rushes to your side and hastily carries all the heavy luggage and boxes, helping you out as you two laugh and talk about your day.

He was an idiot, he forgot it was valentines day, no wonder why you were so pouty. Rin will just make it up to you later.

Que sera, sera.

Whatever will be, will be.

It will always be You and Rin. Nothing more, nothing less.

- La fin♡

Note: so so sorry if this has so many mistakes, i just started writing again and this is just practice. English is not my first language. ♡

#rin itoshi x reader #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin fluff #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #blue lock angst #blue lock fluff #itoshi rin angst #blue lock fanfic #what have i done #blue lock #bllk angst #bllk fluff

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arvandus · 6 months ago

Text

Picture Perfect (Sakura x f!OC)

Warnings: None! Pure fluff!

WC: 1,832

Author's note: this is a (very late) commission for @shhroomer as part of the @ficsforgaza event that I'm participating in! Thank you again for your support, and my apologies it took me so long to get this finished for you! I hope you like it!

----

Sakura wasn’t sure exactly when Fujiwara started joining him, Suo, and Nirei on their patrols. All he did know was that he’d gotten used to it. Even though half of the time she got distracted, trailing behind to sketch in her sketchbook, or take pictures with the camera on her phone. She took pictures of everything, he realized... storefronts, people, the sky... even the graffiti. And she was always drawing, her sketchbook in one hand and her pencil in the other.

Sakura always liked peeking glances at her as she drew, taking in the way her brow furrowed in concentration, the way her pink tongue would stick out of the corner of her mouth. From a distance, she looked intimidating – black hair with long, bleached strands, piercings lining the pinna of her ears, her clothes loose and baggy, with an edge to them brought on by her chosen color palette.

But where others might have seen someone aggressive or off-putting, Sakura simply saw her as cute.

Today was different than the other days, though... today, Fujiwara had something box-like hanging from a thick strap around her neck.

“What’s that?” Sakura asked as he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh, this?” she looked down at the object and lifted it up. “It’s a polaroid camera! Isn’t it cool??”

“Eh?? Why don’t you just use your phone?”

“I like this better. The pictures feel more real and kinda nostalgic.” Plus,” she giggled, “It’s fun to flip the polaroid to make the picture show.”

Sakura stared down at her for a moment, then gave dry scoff.

Fujiwara’s violet eyes widened, and she poked Sakura’s arm. “Are you laughing at me??”

Sakura felt his cheeks warm. “What?! No!”

“Oh, he definitely laughed...” Suo said with a smirk. Nirei vigorously nodded his agreement next to him.

The heat in Sakura’s cheeks spread to his ears and down his neck. This whole time his two vice captains had kept their mouth shut and kept their distance. The fact that they chose now to chime in...

But before the playful argument could draw out, they were interrupted by an old shopkeeper, an elderly woman with thick glasses and wide smile.

“It’s so good to see you!” she beamed. “I have something for you boys....”

A moment later, Sakura, Suo, and Nirei each held a bag filled with containers of yakitori. Nirei was already opening his to take a bite, while Suo kept his sealed with the intent of taking it home. Sakura opened his as well, but paused when he noticed that Fujiwara was further away from him now, her sketchbook held protectively against her chest.

He’d come to realize over time that she only ever did that when she felt shy or out of place.

“You okay?” he asked. “Why are you so far away all of a sudden?”

“Me??” Fujiwara flushed. “No reason. I just don’t like to be in the way when your fans show up.”

Sakura stared at her for a moment, the stick of yakitori still in his hand. Then he thrust it out toward her.

“Here.”

“Huh?”

“Have one. They always give me too much.”

“A-are you sure?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he replied.

Fujiwara gently took it from him. “Thanks!” she smiled. She subconsciously took a couple of steps closer and Sakura’s chest tightened with warmth. He liked having her close...

The sticky teriyaki was nearly dripping down the side and she held it out and leaned towards as she took a bite, struggling to keep her sketchbook and her camera clean.

“Oy,” Sakura grumbled. “Give me your stuff before you ruin it.”

Before Fujiwara could respond, Sakura had closed the gap between them and was removing the camera from around her neck and the sketchbook from her arm.

“What about you?” she protested. “You haven’t had any yet...”

“I’ll eat it later, I’m not hungry,” he lied.

“You’re a terrible liar, Sakura,” she teased. But she ate anyway, making quick work of the food partially out of hunger, and partially to allow Sakura a chance to eat as well.

As she ate, he looked at her camera that now hung around his neck.

“Why do you take so many pictures all the time?” he asked.

“Huh? Oh, because there’s so much to see here!”

Sakura stared at her in blatant confusion. “Eh?”

“You don’t ever look around and notice how pretty things are?” Fujiwara asked with a curious tilt of her head. “Like yesterday, the sunset was the color of sherbert. And the graffiti around here is so unique and cool... oh! I have an idea. Why don’t you try taking some pictures? Here, you turn on the polaroid right here...” she flipped a small dial switch from red to green. “And then you look through this part and press this button.”

Embarrassment started to freeze up Sakura’s body, and he glanced back at his comrades...

Only to find that they were nowhere to be found. They’d managed to sneak away as soon as they reached the end of their patrol route, leaving Sakura to fend for himself.

Jerks...

“You want me to take a picture??” he stuttered. “Of what?”

“Of whatever you want!” she said with a smile. Her stick was empty and licked clean now, and she threw it away in the nearest trash can. She didn’t notice, however, that the corner of her mouth still had some teriyaki sauce on it...

Cute...

“You have some...” he started, then pointed to the corner of his mouth.

Fujiwara flushed, her eyes wide with embarrassment. “What?? It’s on my face? I need a napkin...” she started to look around, spinning in circles, and Sakura couldn’t help but chuckle as he pulled one from the bag he was given.

“Here,” he said.

Fujiwara yanked it from his hand and quickly wiped at her mouth, double and triple checking to make sure she’d gotten it all.

Sakura stared at her for a moment and then looked down at the camera. He shifted his hold on the items until he could hold the camera with a free hand. He lifted it and centered the image of her within the eye piece and clicked it.

Fujiwara froze as her pink cheeks turned practically red.

“D-DID YOU JUST TAKE A PICTURE OF ME??” she shouted.

“W-well, yeah! You said—”

Fujiwara was on him in an instant and snatched the polaroid photo that slowly popped out of the bottom of the camera.

“Give me that!!” she demanded. Then she took it and threw it into the trash can without even looking at it.

“WHAT?? WHAT’D YOU DO THAT FOR??” Sakura demanded.

“I didn’t mean take a picture of me!” she retorted, now entirely flustered.

Her eyes avoided his, and guilt crept from Sakura’s chest to his gut. Did... did he do something wrong??

His lips jutted into a pout and he looked away as he took the camera strap off of his neck. He thrusted it back into her arms along with her sketchbook.

“I told you wasn’t any good at this stuff...” he muttered.

He thrust his hands deep into his pockets and walked over to the fence that followed the river. He leaned his forearms against it and stared into the flowing waters. Fujiwara stared at him for a moment, her eyes wide. Then guilt softened her gaze. She looked down at her camera and then up at Sakura. She looked back at the trash can where she’d thrown the photo away. She took a hesitant breath and went over to it. Lucky for her, the trash can was nearly full, most of it consisting of bags, cans, and papers. And on top of it all, sat her photo, her surprised face now staring back at her.

Carefully she grabbed it and looked it over, checking both sides. Luckily it wasn’t dirty.

She stared at the picture and cringed. It wasn’t a good picture of her, at least not in her opinion...

But there must have been something that Sakura saw, something that was worth capturing, even if she might not see it.

She quietly went back to join him against the railing. Her grip tightened as she held out the undamaged photo to him.

“Here,” she said. “I’m sorry. I just... I didn’t think it would be a good picture of me.”

Sakura stared at the photo in her hand, and the icy ache in his gut began to warm again. He reached out for it, but her hand withdrew it.

“But....” she said, “I’ll only let you have this if you take a picture with me first.”

“Ha??” Sakura flustered. “How is that fair?”

“You get a picture of me, I get a picture of you,” she replied.

“You have a bunch of pictures of me!” Sakura countered. “You’re always taking pictures of me when I’m on patrol! Don’t think I don’t notice!”

Fujiwara flushed. “That... that’s different! That’s for artistic purposes, documenting the memories of Bofurin!”

“And this one is what? Personal?” Sakura countered, his heart pounding and cheeks hot.

Fujiwara froze, her jaw clenching slightly, before she spoke. “Yes.”

Sakura was stunned into silence, his eyes wide as they took in Fujiwara’s stubborn pout, the way her violet eyes both seemed to avoid his gaze but also bathe in the sight of him at the same time. A soft breeze pushed a few strands of her hair across her face, and he fought the sudden urge to tuck it behind her ear.

Sakura swallowed and then nodded. “Okay. Fine.”

He loved the way she smiled, the way everything about her shifted from nervousness to joy. She held out the polaroid, lining it up as best she could before clicking the button. A moment later, the polaroid poked out, and she removed it, shaking the photo to help it clear up faster.

Sakura watched as their faces slowly appeared. She was smiling, her head leaned towards him as if she were truly happy, as if she really wanted to be there with him, close to him. Sakura didn’t smile, but he wasn’t glowering like he used to, and it was the first time he’d seen a picture of himself where he could tell that he was actually happy.

“That’s a good one,” she whispered.

Sakura watched with longing as she tucked it away into the back of her sketchbook. A moment later, she handed over the photo of her that he’d taken.

He took it gingerly from her and started at it, the corner of his mouth quirking up slightly in a hint of a smile. She really was cute... he wasn’t sure why she got so upset over it...

But for some reason, this new, unfamiliar sense of longing wasn’t entirely satisfied. His mind went back to the photo she’d tucked away of the two of them.

“Fujiwara...” he muttered.

“Hm??”

“Can.... can we take one more?”

#fics for gaza #wind breaker #sakura haruka #sakura x OC

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stargirlfics · 2 years ago

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ALFRED PENNYWORTH BLURBS (2)

18+ CONTENT! fluff, smut, hurt/comfort

had to make another masterlist bc I had too many to fit in the first!

read from my alfred fanfics here

alfred blurbs masterlist part 1

Falling asleep on or near him, he makes sure you’re comfy

Alfred being uncut…and thick obvi

Private dance for Alfred (The Gentleman fic series blurb)

Alfred fucking you prone bone + daddy kink bc I’m a whore ;)

He sees you in a towel for the first time

Somno w Alfred: waking him up this time

Riding Soft Dom!Alfred

Seeing an old picture of Alfred in jeans and a flannel

Outdoor sex w Alfred + part 2 feat. rope

Cuddling with Alfred

He eats you out for the first time

What sexting with Alfred would be like

Size kink w Alfred

Watching him roll up his sleeves before he overstimulates you

A little lap grinding + manual restraint

Alfred being soft with you in the mornings when you wake up or after a nap

Daddy!Alfred ramblings (ddlg themes/warning)

Alfred being a little rough/aggressive with you in bed

Corruption kink

Drunk!Alfred + slight daddy kink

Wearing a plug and surprising him in bed

Alfred being a disciplinarian + getting a facial

When he notices you have a thing for his hands

Eye contact w Alfred while you ride him in the bath

Alfred teasing you when he notices you're noticeably wet

Etiquette lessons!

Soft brat tamer!Alfred thoughts

Roleplay w Alfred

Sending him a nude pic + teasing him about his age

Begging him to fuck you harder/rougher and his reaction

Valentine’s Day 💓

Lunch date turned smutty

Cuddles w Alfred

Oral fixation w Alfred

He catches you touching yourself

Helping him with his tie and cufflinks

Teasing him out in public

Asking soft dom!Alfred to spank you

Alfred feeds you strawberries!

Cute picnic date!

Wearing his clothes for comfort

The way Alfred touches you

How he loves eating you out

A romantic smutty picnic in the gardens of Wayne Manor

Alfred reading to you before bed

Waking up to roses from him

Asking Alfred to indulge in your choking kink

Alfred reassuring you with some soft/firm treatment when you get jealous

He loses composure around you

Alfred comforting you during a bad storm

Sitting on his face + some 69 mentions!

Alfred rubbing dancer!reader’s feet (The Gentleman fic series blurb)

Alfred proposing to you + more about how he’d propose

Riding his thigh while he reads a spicy novel to you

How he would react if you had to use your safeword

Leaving nude Polaroids in his office desk drawer

His reaction to receiving a love letter from you

Spending the night with him! Soft and cozy!

Alfred being gentle with you when you’re feeling needy/clingy

He knows how to calm you down when you’re upset

Smutty thoughts about how Alfred dresses

Trying to entice him and he turns the tables on you + part 2 + part 3

Thoughts about sucking that old man’s dick

Letting Alfred nap on your chest after a long day

Distracting Alfred while he’s working

He catches you watching porn

Alfred being a natural caretaker, caring for you without realizing he’s doing it

The World We Knew: he finds love with you after all these years

Filling in as Alfred’s secretary

He feeds you apple slices

“That’s it, open up.”

Going on a steamy summer vacation with him

Pool sex

He watches you sunbathe (more vacation!alfred)

Maid outfit roleplay w Alfred

Alfred admiring you after gifting you a diamond necklace

Giving him the blowjob of his life!

Alfred being sweet and soft with a shy!reader

Messing around with him in the back of a car

Reassuring Alfred that he’s all you have eyes for

Fooling around outdoors in autumn with Alfred

He leaves his glasses on while he eats you out

Body worship w Alfred

Playing footsie with him under the table at dinner

Alfred like to smell before he tastes ;)

Alfred and his amazing smelling cologne

Wholesome domestic life w Alfred

One of his love language’s is cooking for you

He watches you strip tease for him

Helping him relax after a long, stressful day

Alfred teaches you how to cook

He makes you a boo basket for spooky season

He lets you sit on his fingers for awhile

{blurbs continued here…}

#amalia writes #the batman!alfred pennyworth #alfred pennyworth x reader #alfred pennyworth x black reader #alfred pennyworth smut #alfred pennyworth fluff #alfred pennyworth headcanons #alfred pennyworth imagine #alfred pennyworth x you #alfred pennyworth fanfiction

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howaboutcastiel · 2 years ago

Text

I’ve been Angry and Sad

Summary: (6) Steven is grieving his mum, and finds himself back in Dr. Harrow’s office. FWMS Masterlist

Word Count: 7.2k

Content: Medical talk, talk of being drugged (like in the show). Grief, medical terms. Derealization. Verbal abuse. Depersonalization a little. Use of ableist language. A little bit of allusion to SH and to canon-typical violence. It’s also sweet in spite of that. Is it stupid? Yes. Is it angsty? Yes. Would I eat this shit up if someone else wrote it? Also yes. Enjoy.

“Steven? Are you listening to me?”

The voice was muffled as it made its way through Steven’s head. It had happened again—he had found himself somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be, with no recollection of how he arrived there. He thought that this wouldn’t happen anymore. He and Marc had sorted it all out, right? They passed the body to each other gracefully. There wasn’t supposed to be any more confusion. No more lost time, no more mystery destinations. By that metric, he should have known exactly where he was.

So where the hell was he?

Steven tried retracing his steps. Surely he could remember if only he could think straight. What was the last thing he did? Who was the last person he spoke to? He thought back to the start of his day—he’d been sorting his library out…

“Where the bloody hell did I put that pamphlet?” He muttered aloud as he pulled another stack of books onto the floor to organize. Steven had finally promised to go through his collection and pack some things away. Or…at least put things back on the shelves where they belonged.

Now, though, he was searching for the psychiatrists’ pamphlet that HR had given him the day he was fired from the museum. Marc refused to talk to a doctor—aggressively, violently refused—but Steven assured him that he would change his mind if only he’d look at the nice posh faces on the slip of paper.

“I’m sure that I used it as a bookmark in one of these textbooks…”

He dug through the half-read books on his desk, pulling every type of paper from sticky notes to unused Kleenex from the pages that he’d marked for later. No pamphlet. He kept going, dead set on proving to Marc that therapy wasn’t the tortuous ordeal he’d been convinced of. The last book in the stack was a history textbook on the ancient Mayans. He pressed his finger against the tiny bump in the pages, opening the text to the page where his placeholder was.

It was a polaroid. Faded, worn. A picture of Steven—or probably Marc—at his bar mitzvah. His dad on his right, and…

His mother, on his left. Smile wider than ever.

He didn’t expect the photo to have the effect on him that it did. It was just a photograph, wasn’t it? One that he’d seen a million times before. But it was different now. This was the first time he’d actually seen her since… well…

Steven was gasping for air before he knew it. He hadn’t seen his mother in months. He would never see her again, either. His mother was gone. Dead. He would never hear her voice, never see her face again. He couldn’t call her when he got lost or when he was having a bad day at work. She would only live now in his memories, ones that he couldn’t even trust to be real. How many of his interactions with her were even real?

“Steven?”

He didn’t remember anything after that. He should be in his flat, then, shouldn’t he? He should be staring at that polaroid. The voice was clearer this time and Steven tried to focus on it. The lights were too bright, the noise too far away.

“I know this is hard, Steven,” He recognized that voice. That grating voice, “but it’s been so long since we’ve spoken to each other. You came to me asking for help, do you remember? I want to help you, but I can’t help anyone who won’t help themselves.”

Yes, he definitely recognized it.

“Dr. Harrow?”

Steven’s eyes focused for a moment. It stung, but the image was clear as day. White brick. Glass table. Arthur Harrow with a mustache and glasses. “That’s right, Steven. We have an appointment. Are you ready to talk to me?”

“I don’t… remember…” He blinked a few more times, trying to ground himself. Dr. Harrow wasn’t real. He knew he wasn’t. He was sure of it. So then, why was he also certain that he was sitting in front of him now? If he tried, Steven could reach out and touch him. Couldn’t he?

Did he even know what was real anymore?

Harrow continued as if he’d gotten an affirmation. “In our last session, you told me that Khonshu had finally stopped talking to you. Has he still been absent from your life since the last time we spoke? And what about the new character—what was her name…Taweret? You had some interesting things to say about her, particularly concerning her new relationship with Marc’s ex-wife.”

Not ex-wife, you donut. WIFE.

“No…that’s not what I want—” Steven felt like his tongue was cotton. Had he been drugged? He felt the faint sting of a wound on his neck. Was he imagining that, too? Or had the nurses injected him with something? His limbs were heavier than lead. He must have been drugged. “I want to talk about—something—not that—”

“With all due respect, Steven, I think that it’s best that you let me guide our sessions—”

“—My mum.”

Dr. Harrow stopped speaking long enough to take in those two words. His eyebrows raised, but his expression was patronizing more than it was curious. Steven tried to swallow around his dry tongue.

“I want to talk about my mum.”

“And what about her?” There was venom in his voice. Well-concealed, but there all the same underneath the veil of patience. Steven felt his blood run cold. “She’s dead, isn’t she?”

What kind of doctor—?

Steven opened his mouth to speak. To yell, actually. Of course she was dead. That’s why he wanted to talk about her. But the moment he tried to make noise, Steven realized he was no longer in the office. He gasped for air, opening his eyes to find himself on the floor of his flat.

“What the fuck?!” He blurted, bringing his hands to his chest to press against his heart. The cotton was gone from his mouth, as was the weight in his limbs. His face was wet with tears.

“You with me?” Marc chimed. Steven glanced around the room, making sure he was really there. He was there, right? It certainly felt real. But just a second ago, he was somewhere else. And that had felt real, too.

Steven shook his head. “What just happened?”

“Dunno, buddy,” Marc hummed, “you tell me. You pulled that picture out of the book and had a…a panic attack or something. You gave me the body.”

“I did?” He rose shakily to his feet. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I guess it was just too much. That’s what we’re here for, right? To take over when things get too much.”

Steven furrowed his brow. He made his way back to his desk. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“What’re you doing?” Marc asked, watching from behind as Steven pulled his laptop from the drawer and turned it on.

“I just,” Steven paused to type in his password. “I want to look something up.”

Marc didn’t even try to hide his concern. “Are you okay? Did something happen that I don’t know about?”

“I don’t really know,” he admitted. “And… I don’t really know. Do you remember Dr. Harrow’s office?”

“Wh—yeah. Did you go there? What happened?”

“Again, I don’t know.”

The computer took a few moments to boot up, both because the building’s wifi was shit and because the laptop was on its last leg anyway. It had been considered an out-of-date model even before the Blip. Both Marc and Steven could feel how their nerves were on-edge. Steven tapped his fingers anxiously on the desk.

“What are you looking up, bud?” Marc prodded.

“I’m gonna find out what the hell’s wrong with us.”

“You—what?”

Steven was as flustered as Marc had ever seen him. “Marc, don’t pretend you’re not curious. Something is wrong with us. Starting—starting with the fact that there’s an ‘us’ in the first place! We’re sharing a body! Not to mention, five minutes ago I thought I was in an office with a sociopath dressed like Ned fucking Flanders—”

“Okay, buddy. Calm down.”

Steven wasn’t calm. “That’s not normal, Marc. We’re not normal.”

“I know. I know! I need you not to freak out, Steven.”

Steven took a deep breath as the computer finally loaded. He thought about the fact that none of this was new to Marc. It was only new to him. No wonder Marc was so calm about it. He tapped his fingers some more, using his other hand to pull up a search tab.

He sighed. “What’s wrong with us, Marc?”

“You want a list?” He chuckled humorlessly. Steven’s breath evened.

“Do you have one?” It hadn’t occurred to him that Marc would have a name for any of this. He didn’t seem like the type of man to seek a diagnosis.

“Well, I don’t know. If I can remember… some of it, at least. Let’s see,” Steven was stunned as Marc took a moment to think about it. “I know that it’s not called multiple personalities anymore… that’s what dad called it, though…”

“Dad knew?”

Marc avoided the question. “I think it’s… dis-associative….something.”

Steven typed the word ‘dissociative’ in the search bar. The first phrase suggested was ‘Dissociative Identity Disorder,’ which Steven selected because it was the only option with the word disorder. And whatever the hell was wrong with them, Steven thought, certainly caused a lot of disorder.

He spent the next hour reading every webpage he could find. Steven took note of the vocabulary—switch, alter, front, trigger, host, system—and sought everything from scientific journals to online forums with anecdotal stories. A lot of people were like him, it turned out. More than he ever could have anticipated. He kept searching and reading until his eyes were sore from staring at the screen for so long. Steven only paused his endeavor after coming across a webpage that addressed the reason he’d started looking in the first place—

Dissociative Identity Disorder: Internal Worlds.

“Many DID systems have an inner world where alters may manifest and interact with one another. These worlds can range in size and complexity, and may feature static characters that act as imaginary constructs rather than alters or fragments.”

“...huh.” Marc hadn’t been listening up until that point, but Steven’s excitement had brought him back toward the front. “So that bastard’s like an NPC in our head?”

Steven wasn’t entirely satisfied. “That makes the most sense, don’t it? But why him? Why’s our inner world even a hospital?”

“I guess—maybe it was the easiest answer?”

Steven thought about it. The first time they had been to that office was while they were in the Duat. Marc had gone first, right after he’d been shot. It was either he dealt with the Duat—and the fact that he was dead—or come up with another answer. A more relieving answer. It was a relief to be crazy. Crazy was better than dead.

Then he’d gone again when he saw Taweret. A talking hippo? Pretty overwhelming. Then again, when he’d been triggered—Steven knew what that word meant, now—by Steven yelling at him. It’ll be all your fault. Right back in Harrow’s office. Then Steven himself. It wasn’t too hard for him to imagine how he’d landed there, in hindsight. He’d even asked for it explicitly, after he’d heard the news that his mother was dead.

Let me out. Let me out! Let me out!

Yeah. Being crazy was better than being dead. But now, they were no longer dead. So maybe the inner world didn’t need to be crazy.

“Do you think we can change it?” Steven asked.

“What?”

He backtracked. “The hospital. D’you suppose we can change it to something more nice? Something cozy.”

Marc shrugged. “Dunno. It’s not like I made it a hospital on purpose. I would have at least added some color.”

“Yeah, why was it so white?” Steven hummed. “Surely that’s not what they really look like.”

Marc uttered an answer before he could think. “That’s what I remember them like.”

Oh.

He didn’t mean to say that.

He wasn’t ready to talk about that.

“We’ve been in a psych ward before?”

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Yeah, listen buddy, I don’t really want to talk about that right now. Let’s go back to what you were talking about. You said we could change it, right? What would we change it to?”

“Now hold on a minute,” Steven jabbed. Marc rolled his eyes, cursing himself. “We’re meant to be opening up to each other, aren’t we? At least tell me when. When were we institutionalized, Marc?”

“Which time?”

Excuse me?

“Which time?” Steven scoffed. “There were multiple?”

“Okay! Don’t get defensive.” Marc drew a breath. “The first time, when we were twelve. That was for a few days, but nothing really happened. Then there was… we were fourteen. I think I was there for over a month.”

“A month?” Steven was astounded.

Marc winced. “Don’t ask, Steven. Just, please. Not right now.”

“Is that all?”

He shook his head. “There was another one, right before I ran away. Pretty sure we were seventeen. Then the Marines made me do a psych eval when they discharged me. They said that I should go to one then, but they couldn’t commit me or anything. I would have had to do that myself.”

Steven waited expectantly. There was shock and anger in the body. Marc cleared his throat.

“That’s all.”

“So three separate times, then? We spent all that time in a psychiatric ward?” His voice was resigned, disbelieving.

“Yeah. Three times.”

Steven’s anger dissipated a bit. “Can’t believe I don’t remember that.”

He didn’t expect Marc to say anything, but he spoke up again with a hesitant voice.

“You don’t want to remember.”

~~~~~~

Finding his way to Harrow’s office was much easier when he wasn’t looking.

Now, though, Steven couldn’t shut off the outside world long enough to go back to that place. His goal was to change it, or at least, to see if he could. The internet had told him that some people were able to control their internal worlds. He wanted to try. Steven didn’t want his place of refuge to be an endless labyrinth of white brick hallways.

He sprawled out on the couch, trying his best to empty his mind of any stray thoughts. He pictured the office as best he could—white brick, glass table. White brick, glass table. But he couldn’t conjure the imagery.

“Why’s it so important to you anyway?” Marc questioned, earning a shush from Steven. “I’m just saying, it’s not like either of us plan on going back there.”

“And what good is that?” Steven countered, “We have to spend the rest of our lives inside our head, don’t we? I reckon we’ll spend a lot of time in there, considering how much shit we still have to sort through. I’d rather it be someplace nicer than a pediatric psych ward.”

Marc hummed. “So what are we changing it to?”

“Dunno yet. I’ll figure it out once I actually get there. Which I can’t do until you shut up.”

“Rude.”

For another half-hour, Steven tried to retreat backwards. He tried everything he could think of, from playing white noise to crossing his legs and listening to a meditation guide. His mind wouldn’t stop racing and, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t focus on the big, bright office. A gust of wind made an extra large creak run through the place. Steven opened his eyes, running his hands through his hair frustratedly.

“Why’s it not working?” He groaned, mostly to himself. “The one time I actually want to go there, I can’t.”

“It’s not about what you want,” Marc quipped. Steven let out a dry laugh.

“‘Course not. That’d be too easy.” He lowered his face into his hands, groaning again.

Marc’s tone was serious, though. “Think about it. When you give me the body, where do you go?”

“…nowhere, I guess.”

“Right. Because you don’t need to go anywhere. You don’t have a reason to go to Harrow’s office. You’re too comfortable to go there. You’ve only been there when—”

“When out here was too hard.”

“Exactly.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Steven wanted to argue with Marc, but they both knew that he was right. Going back to Dr. Harrow’s office probably wasn’t going to happen by meditation, or even by napping. He would have to go there to get away from something on the outside. At least, at first. He knew that he would never stumble upon the place now. Not without being sent back there first.

“Shit,” he scoffed.

“What?” Inquired Marc.

“I know how to get there, then.” Steven rose to his feet. His hands started to shake. “Fuck.”

“It’s a lost cause, buddy,” Marc interjected. “It’s not gonna work. The only way to go back there is—”

Oh. “—Oh.”

“Yeah,” Steven quipped. He started to rummage through the desk drawers. “Seems counterproductive, don’t it?”

Marc pushed for control of the body. “No. It’s not worth it. We’ll deal with the office later, alright? Let’s just take the win for today.”

“The win?” Steven scoffed. “What win? I don’t want the next time I have a panic attack to be made worse by the fact that the man who tried to kill us is holding us hostage inside our own mind.”

Marc was at the edge of taking control, held back by Steven’s stubbornness and nothing else. “That’s not exactly what’s happening—”

“Well I would bloody know that if I could just get back there again.” He continued rummaging, growing sloppy in urgency.

“Steven, stop!”

He paused his movement, barely holding onto himself. The body was still in Steven’s control, but Marc had caught his attention.

“What’s your plan here, buddy?” His voice was patronizing, but worried. “You’re gonna look at more pictures of mom until you can’t breathe anymore? Is that really how you want to spend the day? Don’t do this to yourself.”

He persisted. “I need to go back there.”

“It’s not that important.”

“I don’t think you understand,” Steven insisted. His voice was low. Angry.

Marc didn’t like the tone. “Oh yeah? And what don’t I get about this?”

“You’ve been crazy your whole life,” Steven jabbed. It wasn’t how he meant it, and Marc knew that, but it was still cold. “You’ve had time to adjust. I haven’t. My whole life is a lie. I feel like I’m out of my mind.”

“You are!” Marc hissed. “Can you listen to yourself? You’re literally about to torture yourself so you can fight the voices in your head.”

Steven curled in slightly on himself. “Just the one voice.”

Marc laughed, shocked. “Just the one?—Steven! Come on, man. Don’t do this.”

“Yeah?” He pulled himself upright. Marc felt a twinge of something from Steven. Spite. Whatever had made him so adamant about this, he wasn’t changing his mind now. “What are you going to do to stop me?”

Marc pushed himself forward at full force, nearly reaching the front before stumbling back, out of breath and stamina. He used to be better at this. Steven wasn’t budging, though. That was clear.

“Don’t be stupid, Steven.”

“Just shut up.” Marc had never heard that tone of voice in Steven. Not ever. Not with him, not with Layla, not with Donna or JP. Not on the Earth and not in the Duat. It was seething, decisive. He knew from the snap in Steven’s tone that there was no more arguing. Not without a screaming match to follow. He’d made up his mind, now. Marc could only watch from there, and be ready to pick up the pieces of whatever he did.

Marc forced the bite from his own voice. “What’s your plan then?”

Steven shook his head.

“There’s a scrapbook in here. Somewhere.”

“It won’t be enough,” Marc chimed. It was sincere. “I know the one you’re talking about. It won’t be enough for what you’re trying to do. Doesn’t even have that many pictures of her.”

Steven gritted his teeth. “What do you suggest, then?”

“Honestly? I don’t think it’s best that you take any of my ideas.”

He shut the desk drawer with a shaky, resigned hand. It wasn’t enough that Steven couldn’t trust his reality, but now he felt like, in spite of the strides he had made, he had less control than ever over his life. He couldn’t sort through his thoughts long enough to figure out what was real and what wasn’t, and he couldn’t do much of anything without Marc peeking over his shoulder. He felt stuck. Powerless.

“How bad do you want to do this today?” Marc asked after a few minutes of quiet. Steven perked up enough to think of an answer.

“Bad enough.”

“There might be one thing,” he offered. Steven immediately nodded, prompting him to spill. “But you can’t say I didn’t warn you. There’s a reason that I hide this shit from you.”

“What is it?” He demanded.

“Just—wait a second, bud. If we do this, you gotta listen to me. And you gotta understand.” Marc went rigid and Steven pushed harder.

“Whatever! Just out with it.”

Marc sighed. “There’s a voicemail I think you should listen to. It’ll work, I’m sure. You wanna fucking torture yourself then go right ahead, but Steven…”

“Let’s hear it.”

“Steven!”

“What, Marc? I don’t need any more warnings. You know it’s not always your job to protect me. I’m a grown man.”

“I know. I was just gonna say,” Marc stuttered over the words, bashful suddenly. His hesitance gave Steven pause. “I can’t listen to it with you.”

Steven was silent. Marc urged him toward the tray beside the door where he kept his phone and keys. “Just tell me what you find when you get there, okay? And I know he’s not real, but… give Harrow hell when you see him.”

“…Marc?”

“Go on, Steven. It’s the oldest message in the inbox.”

Marc nudged him forward. Steven grabbed the flip-phone, booting it up as his alter sank down into nothingness. That’s what it was, Steven supposed. Nothingness. That’s where Marc must have gone. Either that, or he’d be finding a bloodied up Harrow when he got to that office.

He scrolled to the end of the voicemail box.

Wendy - 11 years ago. Duration 2:54.

Steven swallowed hard, his thumb hovering over the button. He hadn’t heard her voice in…

He didn’t even know how long.

His heart rate spiked before he even pressed play. He knew from what Marc had said that it wasn’t going to be the familiar voice he knew. Not the one he remembered. Not the dripping with honey, unconditionally-loving, soft nurturing voice. Steven wasn’t sure that her voice ever really sounded like that, anyway.

He gritted his teeth.

Click.

“I knew this would happen.”

He could tell from the first second of sound that Wendy’s voice was coated in liquor. Her speech was slurred, tone self-righteous and wandering. “They sent your shit in the mail, Marc. The Marines. It says you got discharged. Hah. Took them long enough, didn’t it? I thought they’d have thrown you out—hic—years ago.”

Steven hadn’t managed to breathe since the audio started. The lack of air burned in his throat, but he knew that he’d choke on his breath if he tried to take air in now. His vision was glassy and a stabbing pain stuck between his ribs. Wendy paused for what Steven assumed was long enough to take another swig.

“What’d you do this time, kid? They find you talking to yourself in the barracks?” There was humor in her voice. It made Steven feel sick. “Or are you still just that bad at following directions? They finally cut you loose when they realized you’re dumb as a rock?”

Steven couldn’t believe his ears. He had known, in theory, that she was like this, but… hearing it for himself was something else entirely.

“Anyway, son, this is the address that they have for you. Come and get your shit. Or text your dad where you are and he’ll send it to you. Whatever. I’m tired of staring at this box of junk on my counter. If you don’t do something with it, I’m throwing it out.”

She paused again, and Steven could hear the alcohol jostling around in the bottle as she brought it to her lips.

“Let me know when you finally find something you’re good at. And don’t call your father this time if you need someone to bail you out. God knows you’re getting yourself into some kind of bullshit. Always are. Our money’s tight enough as it is and, frankly, I’m tired of saving your ass. You keep bringin’ trouble everywhere you go. It’s embarrassing for both of us. What kind of Rabbi’s son—”

He couldn’t listen anymore. Steven couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How was this what Wendy Spector was like? How had he never heard this version of her before? It wasn’t enough that his image of his mother was wrong. It was downright delusional. How could this woman be the same person he’d called every morning? The same person he confided in when no one was there for him?

Hot tears streamed down his face and his throat constricted around short gasps of air. How could he have gone his whole life without seeing this? Why couldn’t he see the holes in the image of her? Was everything that he knew about her just a lie?

Is this what it was always like for Marc?

Steven’s breathing picked up until it was short and stunted. Quick, shallow breaths increased in speed until he wasn’t sure he was breathing at all. Steven wrapped his arms around himself and leaned backward against the door. He sunk down, slamming the phone shut and chucking it somewhere to his side.

Now she’s gone. She’s dead, and he can’t even mourn her the right way because he doesn’t know what he can mourn. Should he even be mourning at all? She wasn’t ever real, was she? Not the version of her that he knew. The real her didn’t deserve his anguish.

What was he meant to do?

“Are you ready to talk some more, Steven?” He snapped his eyes open to find the light blinding him. The voice, however, was unmistakable.

He’d done it.

“Is that what you want me to do?” Steven mumbled. He felt the same sluggishness he had before, but he focused this time on every little thing his senses could muster. Steven could wiggle his fingers, if he tried hard enough. He could keep his eyes open, but only while listening. Talking took too much of him. He couldn’t do both.

“That’s what I’m here for,” Harrow responded. Steven squinted at him. He took a deep breath, then another. His vision grew clearer and his eyes less heavy. “It’s interesting, though. So often you fight with me. Now, you’re accepting my help without quarrel.”

Steven shifted in his chair. “Where’s Marc?”

“He’s resting, for now. It’s you I want to talk to, Steven.”

Dr. Harrow didn’t have the impatience in his tone from before. Steven focused as hard as he could on the feeling in his limbs. He tried to remember. He had come here for a reason. It was on the tip of his tongue. He was looking for Marc. He was looking for—

“Steven?” Harrow prompted again. “We were doing so well, don’t get distracted on me now.”

What was it that he was doing?

“I need to leave,” Steven blurted. “I’m supposed to be… doing something…”

“Our appointment’s not over yet.” Harrows knuckles pulsed around his cane, as if he was ready to rise to his feet at a moment’s notice. “We have more work to do.”

“I’m not supposed to be here,” Steven insisted. He pushed himself up from his chair—were his limbs always this heavy?—and balanced himself against the desk. “I have to get somewhere…”

Safe. I have to get somewhere safe.

“I can’t let you leave a session early.” Harrow stood against the cane, slowly making his way around the desk. Steven had an unparalleled hunch that he had to get out. He had to go elsewhere. He had to find Marc. He had to get them somewhere safe.

“I’m not staying here.”

Steven’s knees buckled underneath him, but he successfully made the first step toward the door behind his chair. His vision was blurring again. He didn’t stop moving forward.

“I’m trying to help you,” the doctor insisted. He approached Steven slowly. Gently. Steven wasn’t fast enough to get ahead of him. Dr. Harrow placed his hand squarely on Steven’s shoulder, beckoning him to sit. He turned him around, so they were face-to-face.

Steven saw red.

He gritted his teeth and pounced forward, head-butting the psychiatrist and knocking him backward into the table. Harrow brought his hand up to his face and Steven grabbed his cane. He drew it backward, bracing himself, and Harrow looked up at him through his fingers. Steven’s hand was around his throat.

His face was patronizing. Self-assured. “Don’t be stupid, Steven.”

Oh, it’s far too late for that.

Steven stumbled backward, regaining his balance on his own two feet. He lifted the cane, flipping it in his hand, and struck the doctor in his chest. The hit landed unlike wood on flesh. It was more like…

…

Like sand.

He swung again, hitting Arthur square in the jaw. He tumbled to the ground unceremoniously. He didn’t cry or beg for help. Harrow simply toppled, but Steven didn’t let up. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

Not until it was safe.

He brought the cane above his head, wielding it steady in both hands. It made a dull, flat sound as he brought it down at full force. Again. And again. and again. Steven kept going until his arms wouldn’t swing anymore. He opened his eyes, expecting to see the gruesome aftermath of what he’d done, but there was no body in front of him. There was no poor Dr. Harrow, whether dead or alive, by his feet.

There was, however, a pile of ashen sand. Not golden, but gray. Steven dropped the cane and a puff of dust rose from the impact it made on the mound.

He walked steadily out of the office.

Steven didn’t know what he expected to be on the other side, but he was greeted with what he could only imagine was the field of reeds. That is, a literal field of literal reeds, spanning miles in each direction. It was a warm, colorful, peaceful contrast from where he’d just been.

And he could do with it whatever he pleased.

He rather liked the field as it was. He wanted to keep it. A field wasn’t exactly a home, though, Steven contested. It needed a bit more structure than that. And what better shelter to accompany a field of reeds?

A farmhouse.

Steven didn’t have to think too hard about building the place. It was as if his mind was just waiting for the chance to conjure it. The porch wrapped around the front and the side, connecting to the exterior walls at either end. He pushed through the front door—a deep mahogany, by the way. Not white. Inside was a full living space with a kitchen and dining table, not unlike the one from his childhood, but far brighter. The room opened into the den, where a couch and two chairs met a wood-burning stove that Steven could feel the warmth radiating from as he approached. There was a singular bookshelf against the wall, with what Steven assumed was every book he could ever want. Beside it, a bulletin board.

He knew immediately what it was for. Communication. Steven looked around further and came across a door to what he intuitively knew was his bedroom. He placed his hand on the knob tentatively, still quite in disbelief that he’d gotten himself here in the first place. He turned his palm, just a fraction of an inch, and a shuffle behind him drew his attention away.

“Looks like you were right.”

He turned around. The image in front of him was…puzzling.

“Marc?”

When they were separated in the Duat, Marc and Steven had looked for the most part just like the body. Sure, Marc was wearing a different shirt and his hair was slicked back the way that he always preferred, but they were otherwise the same. Same face, same stature, same body, same everything.

This was not the case here.

Marc looked, for lack of a better term, dreadful. His face was the same, in terms of shape and proportion, but almost everything about him was different in some way. For starters, his eyes were hollow and sunken. Not like the dark circles that Steven had gained from lack of sleep. This was something much deeper. More permanent. Marc looked like he’d never slept a wink in his life.

He also looked smaller. Younger. Less like a warrior ready to defend himself and more like a kid who’d been drafted and given speed for performance. Marc’s muscles were sprung, his body ready to pounce at any sign of distress. His posture was straight and his chin was lifted, no doubt a lasting effect of his Marine training. Steven had the half-inclination to yell ‘at ease, soldier,’ but he figured it wouldn’t be as funny out loud. Or funny at all.

Steven stepped closer to Marc, realizing now that Marc was looking up at him, and Steven down at Marc. He was taller than him, by a few inches at least. It occurred to him then that Marc wasn’t the only one who looked different on the inside.

Marc’s hair was much shorter than the body’s. Not a buzz-cut, as Steven would have assumed, but short enough that his hair didn’t reach his eyebrows. The style was familiar, though, slicked back and brushed down just as Marc did normally on the outside. His hair wasn’t of interest to Steven, however. As he stepped forward, there was only one aspect of Marc’s appearance that he could manage to focus on. His heart dropped into his stomach. Or at least, that’s what Steven felt was happening as he took a closer look at Marc’s face. At his neck, at his arms.

He was covered in scars.

Small nicks, large gashes. Lines and holes and what he could only assume were welts from burns long healed. Marc was littered with them. A long, thick line ran across his face along the bridge of his nose. His top lip was permanently split. An indent on his collarbone resembled a ring, and a line of crescents on his neck left very little to the imagination as it replicated the texture of a half-inch metal chain.

“What are you looking at?” Marc mumbled, uncomfortable. Steven hadn’t realized how long he’d been staring or how close he’d gotten to Marc. He went in for a hug, gripping Marc tightly for a moment. Once he reciprocated, they stayed like that for a while. Then, Steven shook his head and retreated a few steps back.

“You look different in here,” he explained. Marc nodded in understanding.

He gestured down at Steven’s body. “You too.”

Steven looked down at himself, noticing the way that his frame was so different from the one on the outside. He was tall, unusually tall and slender as well. He must have been at least 6 foot, a solid five or more inches taller than the body he was used to inhabiting.

“You mind if I go look in the mirror?” Steven asked. Marc raised his eyebrows and shook his head.

“I’ll join you. Wanna see what all that staring was about.”

He followed Steven into his bedroom. It was decorated just like a teenage boy’s room from the mid 1990s. Band posters plastered to the ceiling, Nintendo console connected to a bulky television in the corner of the room. Steven’s bed was a single, sheets covered in hieroglyphs. Marc chuckled at the contrast between the nerdy sci-fi knickknacks and the items that were unmistakably linked to Egyptology.

Steven pulled him into the en-suite bath, which was simple and clean.

They both froze at the images in the mirror.

Steven’s hair was longer and thicker, somehow curlier than it was on the outside and much more unruly. He ran his hands through it, trying to calm down the odd directions that it sprang outward, but getting nowhere with the effort. His cheeks were rosy, contrasting Marc’s ashen skin, and his facial hair was grown into a shortly-kempt beard. He wore a thin, round pair of glasses on the bridge of his nose. When he tried to take them off, he found that the world was not so much blurry as it was swimming in his vision. He elected to keep them on.

Marc didn’t do much to adjust himself. He just stared at his image, his eyes darting to each scar that wasn’t covered by his clothes. Next to Steven, he looked like a walking corpse. There were so many scars on his body that an average onlooker would wonder how he survived it all. He hated to look at himself any longer. He thought he might be sick.

“Marc?” Steven’s voice was soft.

“Yeah,” he choked out. His gaze still didn’t waver. It was like his eyes were glued to his skin.

Steven raised his hand to Marc’s neck, pointing his finger at the line of circles on his throat. “What are those?”

Marc’s voice was surprisingly steady as he answered.

“Dubai.”

He brought his hands to the hem of his shirt, pulling up the fabric to reveal a deep indent in his v-line, unmistakably a bullet hole.

“Gabon.”

He turned away from the mirror, facing Steven head on. His hand rose to his face and he touched his index and middle fingers to the bridge of his nose.

“New York.”

Nausea rose in Steven’s gut. He took Marc by the arm, pulling the both of them out of the bathroom and back to the den. Marc didn’t argue.

“Are you saying you got all of these on missions for Khonshu?” Steven’s voice wavered as he sat on the edge of the couch. It was as if, on the inside, Khonshu’s armor had never existed at all. Each blow Marc had taken in battle had stuck with him. Each mortal wound he should have suffered, painted on his skin forever.

“Some of them,” Marc answered. Steven shook his head, like he didn’t understand, and Marc lifted his shirt again. A bullet wound on his abdomen matched the lower indent on the opposite side. “This one’s from Bushman.”

“You took all of these hits?” Steven felt like his head was spinning. There were so many scars.

Marc huffed. “Yeah, at some point or another.”

“My God.”

“It’s not so bad,” Marc countered. He could see how much Steven was affected. “I wouldn’t have gotten most of them if I didn’t have the armor. I would have never been in those fights in the first place. And it’s not like I was actually hurt that much.”

“I beg to differ,” Steven choked. His gaze fell to one particular gathering of scars, which Marc quickly hid from him by turning away.

“Don’t even start,” he warned, covering them.

“We’re gonna talk about those later,” Steven insisted. They sat in silence for another moment or two, taking in the new space. The architecture and furniture was vintage—out of the 1950s at the very latest. It truly felt like the two of them were on a homestead together. Safe, cozy, away from danger. The living space reminded Steven of the one in the Waltons, only smaller and without the half-dozen children constantly stomping through the place.

“I’m gonna go find my room,” Marc finally said. Steven rose to go with him, but Marc held out his hand to gesture to him to stay behind. He retreated back into the couch, and watched as Marc disappeared behind the door on the other side of the dining table.

Marc’s room was nothing like Steven’s. It was spacious and orderly, clearly designed for an adult. The suite reminded him of a hotel. Double doors in front of the bed led out onto the porch and the sheets a dull pattern of white and beige. The queen-size bed sat in the center of the room, not pushed to the corner like Steven’s had been. Model cars sat parallel on Marc’s chest of drawers and a thin, sleek lamp on his bedside table. The door to the en-suite bathroom was open.

He didn’t understand why the bathroom was the way that it was. His bedroom, sure. He’d stayed in a million hotels ranging from the cheapest to almost-comfortable. Marc couldn’t understand, though, why so much care had been given to the bath. The vanity was long and glamorous. The walk-in shower was expansive and sleek. It dumbfounded him that he’d conjured a place so expensive in his mind. So luxurious, and for what? He didn’t even need to eat or sleep or shower in here, did he? The cherry on top, though, as he step forward into the spacious bathroom, was the large picture window and stand-alone tub.

It was almost offensive how beautiful it was. The tub was big enough to swim in, it seemed. The claw-foot exterior resembled a vintage tub, same as the rest of the architecture in the place, complete with a golden faucet and knobs at the top. It was deep and wide, squeaky-clean and smooth to the touch. Marc imagined that, seated with his feet facing the faucet, the view out the window would be unparalleled. It was remarkably gorgeous. But why was it in his room?

Marc hadn’t taken a bath in more than thirty years. Only showers. He hadn’t seen the appeal since—

—since that day in the cave.

Marc slammed the door behind him on the way out. He made his way back to the den, where Steven was warming his hands by the fire. He sat down in the chair across from him, and they sat together in peace. In quiet.

It was better than lounging on the outside, for all it was worth. There was no busy street traffic or creaking air conditioning. Marc’s back didn’t ache like it did outside and Steven’s chest wasn’t permanently tight, either. There was…plainly stated…so little on the inside. Nothing loud or bright or overwhelming to deal with. It was just quiet. Warm. Safe.

It lingered on for a while, almost so much that they could have felt timeless where they were. That was, until Steven jolted forward out of nowhere, prompting Marc to stand on edge just the same. The expression on Steven’s face was halfway between worry and curiosity.

“Marc?” He timbred.

“Yeah?”

“We’re both in here.” He stated plainly.

Marc was confused. “…Yeah?”

“Both of us are in here.” Steven enunciated slower. Marc shrugged his shoulders and raised his eyebrows.

“I can see that.”

Steven huffed. “Don’t you get it?”

“Get what?”

“If we’re both in here, then who’s controlling the body?”

Oh.

That was a good question.

A/N: Jonah has never proofread anything in their life. Also, I started this off by paying way more attention to whether it was accurate to real DID systems, but I don’t know if I accomplished that in the end. Bully me about it on anon.

@n1ght5h4d3-24 @magicwithaknife @rmoonstoner @nervouslaught3r @unavoidabledirewolf @kbakery @mccn-bcys @gingermous @avatarofseshat @damreonsgirl @dragons-are-my-favorite @k8esilver @competentpotato @theconsultingdoctor10 @rayrlupin @moony-artemis @nerdory10 @valkyrieace

@ahookedheroespureheart @mt2sssss @loki-hargreeves @starfirette @celeste412 @avengersinitiative2012 @sifinskies @unspokenmoon @maplemind @mainstreambitchlife @hot-mess-express1 @toracainz @zarahbronstein @daughterofthequeen @am-3-thyst @romanarose @wand-erer5 @jake-g-lockley @in-between-the-cafes @alexismm @moonmoonboys

#moon knight #steven grant #marc spector #jake lockley #oscar isaac #layla el faouly #fire within my soul #masterlist #moon boys

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pupphe-additions · 11 months ago

Text

✴Jamie’s Relationship With TXT✴

Jamie x Yeonjun

Quote: “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” Dynamic: Iconic Duo

Yeonjun’s contact in Jamie’s phone is “My Duo”

Yeonjun really enjoys playing games with Jamie and will duo with him when they are both on at the same time.

They tend to win when they are together.

Jamie likes to get fashion advice from Yeonjun.

Yeonjun helps get Jamie out of his shell a lot and is the extrovert to Jamie’s introverted self.

Jamie says it’s very easy to be himself around Yeonjun.

Yeonjun was the first member of TXT to get Jamie to open up about himself and was the member Jamie trusted first.

Jamie says if it wasn’t for Yeonjun he’d likely not have any friends in the industry.

Jamie and Yeonjun give crackhead energy but are actually just really chill and cling to one another a lot.

These two can eat a lot.

Yeonjun is extremely protective of Jamie and makes it known.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Jamie x Soobin

Quote: “Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.” Dynamic: Platonic Soulmates

Soobin’s contact in Jamie’s phone is “Foodie Binnie”

Soobin helped Jamie learn Korean when they trained together and still helps gently correct him when he makes mistakes.

These two are always eating together.

Soobin and Jamie always keep each other smiling and laughing and comfort one another at all times.

Jamie likes to call Soobin his bunny a lot and even calls him “Bunny hyung” when asked who he is talking to by his members.

Jamie always goes to Soobin first before anyone else if he’s feeling overwhelmed or if he needs to talk through his feelings.

Jamie has stated that Soobin triggers Jamie’s cuteness aggression and he tends to bite Soobin on his arm or squeeze his cheeks when it does happen.

Soobin and Jamie are extremely affectionate when together and they always take pictures together.

They cry a lot and are just big softies.

Jamie makes sure to tell Soobin he loves him before they leave since they don’t hang out often anymore.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Jamie x Beomgyu

Quote: “A good friend is a connection to life- a tie to the past, a road to the future, and the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” Dynamic: Boyfriends

Beomgyu’s contact in Jamie’s phone is “My Prince”

Jamie has stated before that he finds Beomgyu to be very attractive and that if he was a girl he’d date Beomgyu.

They jokingly call each other boyfriends and feel no shame in doing so.

They are chatterboxes now that they are warmed up with one another and they adore each other’s time and company.

They each have polaroids of each other in their wallets that they took.

Mood maker duo, it’s always positive vibes when they are together.

They go on friend dates whenever they get a chance and always make time to talk or hang out at least once or twice a week.

Jamie says that Beomgyu is one of his best friends and someone he trusts with his entire life.

Beomgyu says that Jamie is very cat-like and he often calls Jamie his cat.

Jamie has a folder of Beomgyu pictures on his phone as they exchange selfies with one another often.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Jamie x Taehyun

Quote: “A best friend helps you find the rainbow on a rainy day.” Dynamic: Orange Cat and White Cat

Taehyun’s contact in Jamie’s phone is “Terry🤣”

They are both left handed.

Jamie teases Taehyun often and says he’s fun to tease.

They both believe in aliens and actually bonded over that when they first talked about it.

Taehyun is another TXT member that Jamie would date.

Taehyun enjoys it when he gets to see Jamie, he says that Jamie lifts everyone’s moods very easily.

Taehyun said when they first met they clicked really easily. He said it was like they knew each other forever.

Taehyun and Jamie show the least amount of physical affection.

Taehyun and Jamie used to cook a lot together when they trained together.

Taehyun thinks that Jamie is a trickster and finds him to be very goofy, playful, and cheerful.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Jamie x Heuning Kai

Quote: “True friends are always together in spirit.” Dynamic: Big/Little Brother

Kai’s contact in Jamie’s phone is “Kai Bear”

Kai and Jamie bonded quickly due to them both being foreigners.

They call each other brothers and adore one another.

Jamie is extremely protective of Kai and would probably fight anyone who tried to hurt him.

Kai says he will go to Jamie when he needs a good laugh or to smile as he is very goofy and knows how to raise the mood of anyone around him.

Kai first thought Jamie was cold but after talking to him he realized that Jamie was just shy and more reserved.

Jamie enjoys teasing Kai but Kai will dish it back out.

Jamie says it doesn’t matter how far they are he’ll always think of Kai and check up on him and make sure he’s doing well as Kai is his little brother even if it’s not biologically.

When Jamie debuted, after seeing him for the first time, Kai came running up and hugged him saying “HYUNG YOU MADE IT” causing Jamie to cry.

Kai calls Jamie a weirdo but in a loving way.

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rowonlgc · 1 year ago

Text

TM014 : VLOG. / WC : 470.

about three things rowon has learned over the course of this cruise:

one. if there’s ever a situation where he has to arm wrestle minjun, he’ll forfeit immediately. that kid’s got a grip.

two. god has his favorites, and considering the great trials they’ve been put through, it’s neither him or kyungsoo.

three. seojin is fun to fuck with.

but he can’t talk about any of that for the vlog. it’s a little too tmi, and it’s not quite the character he has crafted for the camera. …then again, sitting down and essentially making a speech isn’t either, so he takes the camera and angles it up from a lower position - just as he would when making a video call.

“so i came across this quiz the other day - y’know, that popular one where it analyzes your personality based on the kitchen utensil you pick. i chose the can opener -” ( actually, he chose the grater, and it told him that he was unnecessarily aggressive and difficult to handle, and he didn’t like that so he went back and clicked through all of the other options until he found can opener ) “- and it told me that i was an opportunist who’s always looking for new experiences.”

as he talks, he starts pacing around the room to give the impression that he’s casually chatting with a friend while going about his day.

“i’d say that’s pretty accurate. think they intended this cruise to be relaxing with a lot of down time, but i ended up packing my schedule. there was so much to do, so much to see - the disney park was fun, the water town was beautiful, the aquarium .. a little scary. felt like the fish were all glaring at me the entire time. do i look like fish food? be honest.” he narrows his eyes at the camera then -

he laughs. “i also learned some japanese rap. wanna hear? no? too bad, you’re gonna have to hear it anyway.” and so he starts to recite a few lines that he’d picked up from the j-pop workshop. ( absolutely butchers it. he hopes asami won’t ever see this - despite a questionable start, he kind of wants to keep his cool senior image. )

after his little cringe fest, he settles down against the wall and brings the camera up to eye level. “it’s been good,” he says, his voice a lot softer now. “wish we could all experience it.” this is true. when they first mentioned the cruise, he thought it was for everyone. not the case. but ah, he’s sure the others are fine. if not … well, he has souvenirs* for them. “maybe next time ~” with that, he finishes with a farewell, a finger heart, and waves off.

( *souvenirs section not included in word count )

for @yujinlgc, a pink phone case embellished with jewels and roses, reminiscent of her nails. tucked behind the styrofoam that holds the case in shape is a polaroid of rowon making a cheek heart.

for @hyuntaelgc, a sailor rilakkuma bear to add to his ever growing collection of teddy bear items. it’ll appear on hyuntae’s desk one afternoon holding a polaroid of rowon doing a finger heart.

for @lgcparker, a t-shirt that reads birds aren’t real in japanese. once unfolded, a polaroid of rowon posing with an actual bird will fall out. what’s this development? is rowon a spy too?!

for @lgcsoyoun, a fashionable silk scarf that’s close to crystallis’s official color. there’s also a polaroid of rowon dressed in the most hideous cruise outfit ( worry not, soyoun, it’s only for the picture ).

for @lgcsomin, a chicken wing keychain. it may seem like a silly gift, but let it be known, it took him the entire two weeks to find this because he needed the perfect gift. it also comes with a polaroid of rowon eating chicken.

and lastly for @lgcyein, a crochet cupcake as pictured, but with a crown because she’s a princess ( mostly derogatory … okay, sometimes affectionate ). no polaroid included because they’re still on email basis...

#lgc:traineemission #not in my gfx era so just text for now......#if u were tagged pls scroll to bottom ~#rw — solo.

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bluntforcefem · 1 year ago

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Also for the ask game, Alyssum and/or Briar with 💌☄️🌈🚲🎤📸 ? I know its a bunch of emojis but I really want to know if these men can ride a bike. Because everything about Declan screams that his fathers were cyclists. No offense. Also bc whenever they have things in common with Declan it makes me cry.

💌 LOVE LETTER - do they like love letters? what kind of messages do they leave for their partner?

briar isn't much of a writer; his affection largely bleeds through his actions, but he appreciates anything alyssum writes for him all the same. alyssum thinks they're cheesy, which doesn't stop him from leaving little notes all over the house for briar anyway (a habit that he has with his work that just kind of... leaked over into how he shows love. dec got a lot of paper-towel notes in their picnic boxes.)

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?

people tend to get their personalities switched on assumption. aly looks like the reclusive distant bitch type & briar seems friendly enough. however briar is a master of the passive-aggressive southern hospitality and does NOT like leaving the garden; aly is the one who actually makes friends with people and goes places for work and makes small talk and such. still a bit reclusive though.

🌈 RAINBOW - what advice would they give to their younger self?

it would be the same for them both, by agreement on their regrets. "take dec into the city for school, make sure he makes friends, don't let him go off alone until you know he's settled."

🚲 BICYCLE - can they ride a bike? what do they remember from learning to ride a bicycle?

alyssum learned how to ride a bike as a kid. pretty much as soon as he learned, he was hauled off to use it to get to school and back by his parents, who really really did not want to drive him back and forth. he did it in bad weather a lot. he got used to it quick enough.

briar didn't actually learn to ride a bike until high school - he was homeschooled until then, for a certain definition of homeschooled, and lived in the middle of fuckoff nowhere with approximately 0 surfaces to learn to bike on. aly taught him about halfway through freshman year so they could go places together. he distinctly remembers eating shit, a lot, and feeling like he was too old to be fucking up so bad and getting embarrassed about it. but he also remembers when aly bought him the old secondhand bike he used for the rest of school, so.

🎤 MICROPHONE - are they good at singing? what is their go-to karaoke song?

alyssum is decent at singing for someone who's never learned and never wants to! can't hit high notes, will try to anyway especially if in good company. his go-to karaoke song has been welcome to the black parade for ages.

briar's a good singer! often sings while he's out working in the garden or doing other things, but doesn't really love doing it otherwise (mandatory choir in high school fostered a deep resentment for doing it in public especially). go-to karaoke song is don't stand so close to me (the police)

📸 CAMERA - do they enjoy having their picture taken? what's their go-to pose? do they like taking photos? what do they take photos of?

briar saw a polaroid camera once and got deeply obsessed with them. takes a lot of garden pictures. hated having his photo taken until a couple years after he moved in with aly, though, and didn't let aly take pictures in earnest until dec was born and he got a massive soft spot for letting aly take pictures of them both. of course this was flipped around onto aly but aly LOVEEES getting his picture taken. likes to get dressed up for no reason and pose for briar. briar kind of does the 10 stare by default until aly or dec yells at him to smile. aly loves throwing up double peace signs or bunny-ears'ing the other people in the photo with him

#kbitycus talks #mediocreaustinpowers #sauce smp #looking up 'dad karaoke' on spotify for briar ftr. and saw that song and went o god yeah

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mperosx · 1 year ago

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—*

Her gratitude of their hard work is in the way that her eyes take everything in. Inwardly, Eros wishes he had brought out the little Polaroid camera they have to capture the moment but knows, the moment is a core memory that neither himself or the twins will soon forget working to build. Nothing will erase the way his wife’s smile lights up her face and Eros feels the image of it burning itself over his heart with all the others that are precious to him. When she takes hold of his hand and presses a kiss down into his palm he knows he’s glowing too.

I’m a goner, Eros tells himself as he feels the love struck look he always gets when she kisses him blooming on his face. As if to tease him further, Evander giggles as Eros gets aggressively more pink in color. It doesn’t help that his son also grows pink as if to imitate him a bit.

Ama goes on to talk about her day and Eros eats and listens. At the mention of the expansion of the Chinese galleries his eyes slide to his daughter who seems to suddenly perk up then bite back something she might say. “Why don’t we…”

Eros smiles as he goes on, “Why don’t we take the kids to see it once it’s all set up. If I recall correctly, Cordelia, weren’t you just studying up on Classical Chinese art the other day? You could perhaps give us some insights?”

He shares a quick glance to his wife as he hears the soft joy of having been asked to help that his daughter makes in her little excited inhale. Cordelia was terribly smart, but rarely liked to boast and Eros had confided in his wife that before their arrival to the island, the twins had both been teased rather harshly in school for exhibiting their interests by other kids. Perhaps allowing her the chance to speak freely about art would embolden her to engage more with other children on the island. Evander chirps then, “She knows everything! Can we go?!”

Eros bites back a wider smile at his son’s enthusiasm over listening to his sister and gives a nod after looking at his wife. She takes up another question about how their day went and about the octopus dog making process and he lets the kids both rush in to tell her everything. Enamored at the scene he lets them explain it all from their perspective and only when they tire of it, he adds happily, “You could say it went well!”

The meal goes on, his family making the house a home as they eat and chatter. This, Eros realizes, is all he has ever wanted.

Amaterasu did not miss a single detail, everything from the attire her family wore to the food that was presented to her, her heart grew with emotion. The thoughtfulness, while definitely shown by her twins, could only have been orchestrated by Eros.

She turns to him now, smiling fondly at Evander and his teasing each other. She reaches across the table for his hand, squeezing it gently before bring a kiss to his palm. "Thank you, it's a most lovely gift." Her golden eyes met his and other things were found there that words could not begin to describe.

Amaterasu turns to give each of the twins kisses as well, not wanting them to be left out, and also feeling the need to show them how much she appreciated the gift. Her feast day was one celebrated years ago in Japan and it meant blessings and prosperity. With her family, it felt that she was the one being blessed.

"It was quiet, though there are a few collections that have just arrived. With the Chinese pantheon growing, it seemed appropriate to expand our collection further." She responds as always with enthusiasm about her work. "And how was today? Did the preparations for this day go smoothly? However did you learn how to make these octopus dogs?" She turns to Evander to show one and how much she enjoyed them.

#;amaterasuxmp #{para;} Everything Under the Sun pt.2 #;amaeros #{{ thank you for your patience!#{{ perhaps we wrap this one up with your next reply so we can begin the new thread?

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salsflore · 2 years ago

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... nobody look at the tags i’m two steps away from losing my mind and need to let it out

#sorry for hopelessly loving a homicidal and megalomaniac ginger do you guys still think i’m cool?#this is just childe rambling really #ugh. how awful #i miss him so so bad none of you get it srsly it’s upsetting how much i miss him #aggressively eating all the polaroids i have of him #HES SO HIDEOUS STOP IT LMFOAFKEK kiss me. what are you waiting for.#my wallpaper especially makes me feel silly this might be one of my fave childe arts #that i don’t want to miss you (like i do) song started playing. www how fitting KISS ME FUCK YOU #this shit is devastating AGH!@";@#I NEED TO BE NORMAL BUT HOW. HES MY BLORBO?+??#i am not gonna be normal when our anniversary comes #its a longgg way but. i just need something to look forward to !!!#so many things to stress abt in the next month i don’t know how to make it through i just. really really #what i would give to hug him ONCE (1) it doesnt matter if hes not real i'll clone him the fuck?#hes so so so so dear to me i hate it i hate how much i love him WHYYWYWYW AREN'T YOU REAL?!?%?#ssiggghhhhhhhhhhh...... barely getting by. i can only hope next month treats me kindly..#i am horrified everyday with the more time that passes but god. zhongli & childe (luc doesn't count he's like There but like i said i'm-#-not as attached lmfao. we just hang out in my brain every sunday) r such huge comforts i love love love them #i had a dream about them recently it was nice. from the bottom of my heart i love love love childe (sorry li u get a brief mention at most)#i’m gonna explode into the sun #i have to rely on the little things to get by nowadays and i guess they dont count (??) but IT DOES TO ME !!! SHUT UP #i hope nobody has actually read this far i’ll cry #2 yrs... soonnnnnnn.......

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hwangsify · 3 years ago

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SKZ HEADCANONS: ROMANTIC GESTURES !

pairing. skz x gn reader

genre. fluff

warnings. mentions of food, excessive amounts of fluff

summary. romantic things skz would do for you as lovers.

word count. 0.8k+

a/n: headcanons are perfect to write when you feel like writing but can't bring yourself to write an actual writing piece 😭 this is my first headcanon so i apologize if it's cringey T-T i've been wanting to write this one for forever though so i'm so glad i finally had the chance.

chan : let's you listen to all the tracks on his laptop. laughs at all your dumb jokes. wraps a casual arm around your waist just to assure himself that you're here. stares at you with the most lovesick gazes. takes you grocery shopping because you're both disgustingly domestic. hypes you up for the smallest things. holds your bag for you whenever you're out in public. smiles whenever he kisses you because he's down bad. a light dusting of pink across his cheeks whenever you praise him. thoughtful texts reminding you to stay hydrated. innumerable backhugs — he can't help it, he just likes you so, so much.

minho : teases you mercilessly over the smallest things. randomly cooks for you and tries to play it off ("i made too much samgyeopsal so i guess you can have some"). drapes a blanket over you when he comes home to you asleep on the couch. complains loudly when you ask but teaches you all the stray kids choreographies anyways. takes you to cat cafés and indulges you when you insist on taking pictures of him. quizzes you on your chemistry flashcards when you're stressing over your exams. would probably get you the moon if you asked even though he'd never admit it. late nights spent binging all of us are dead. inside jokes that only exist between the two of you. lovelorn gazes in your direction whenever you're not looking.

changbin : aggressively hugs you every chance he gets. drags you to the gym with him whenever he works out because he just enjoys your company so much. grins cockily whenever you compliment him. casually feeds you random bits of his lunch. is immensely observant when it comes to you despite his loud and boisterous personality. stares openly at you at times until you get blushy and tell him to stop. is always holding your hand. indulges you in literally everything and anything. composes songs inspired by you. small gestures that make your heart flutter. contented laughter echoing through his apartment whenever you come over— the kind of laughter only changbin could draw out of you.

hyunjin : draws you! fills his notebook with sketches of you. has a picture of you as the wallpaper of his phone. eats your cooking even when it takes like shit. loves you openly and fiercely. melts over the simplest intimate gestures like the hopeless romantic that he is. asks about your day on a regular basis. constantly takes pictures of you because he just thinks you're so pretty. polaroids of the two of you pinned to the walls in his room. late night walks devoted to casual conversation and laughter. matching rings. sleepy kisses exchanged in his bed on saturday mornings.

jisung : demands kisses from you every other second. brings you to the studio and let's you watch him record even though he finds it embarrassing. randomly comes over to bring you cheesecake. clumsily makes kimchi scrambled eggs for you on sunday mornings. calls you regularly just because he wants to hear your voice. uses cringey pet names on you just to annoy you. brings home kongguksu on late friday nights when he knows you're too tired to cook. frenzied greetings whenever you meet up. exaggerated pouts when you reject his kisses. ridiculous excuses just so that he can come see you.

felix : regularly texts you and almost always leaves an emoticon at the end of each message ("sleep well! i hope you dream of me :D"). sends his messages in short spurts and leaves like 79 notifs on your phone each time (like how he does on bubble). adores you infinitely in everything that you do. leaves brownies by your doorway whenever he thinks you've been studying too hard. baking competitions on warm summer evenings. linked arms and laced fingers whenever you're out in public. unlimited song recommendations sent via text. "saw this and thought of you <3"

seungmin : is the definition of nonchalant intimacy — "did you eat yet?" "dress up. you don't want to catch a cold" "do you want me to come over?" keeps a protective hand on the small of your back whenever you're in crowded places. lends you his hoodies whenever you're cold. lets you lean your head on his shoulder during long car rides. pours milk in both your cereal bowls during breakfast. gentle forehead kisses. casual study dates. iced americanos left on your desk whenever he stops by your apartment. thoughtful gestures whenever you feel upset.

jeongin : shies away from your hugs just to tease you. grins fondly down at his phone whenever he texts you until one of his members teases him about it (mainly minho). memorizes your body language to the point where he can read your mood almost instantly. still blushes whenever you kiss him like a 14-year old. brings you bouquets of roses on your coffee dates. watches mukbang asmrs with you on youtube. the brightest smiles whenever he sets his eyes on you. boxes of chocolates on valentine's day. afternoon naps together in your bed under a cocoon of blankets, limbs intertwined in a tangled mess.

#stray kids headcanons #stray kids fluff #stray kids #bang chan au #lee know au #changbin au #hyunjin au #jisung au #felix au #seungmin au #jeongin au #stray kids imagines #fluff #📂 fics.txt #stray kids x reader #stray kids scenarios #my first headcanon!!

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inlovewithgee · 1 year ago

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I need to save this somewhere so I don’t forget it but I’m scared to do it on my main so have a funpoison/korsepoison angst prompt

part 2 | part 3

warning: non-con, somnophilia

I picture this clearly in my head so I got a lot of details, but it’s not over yet.

It’s the end of the day. Party did something reckless during a mission and everybody’s pissed at him. No one tried to de-escalate the conflict so Party storms out of the diner and leaves for the desert. (In my mind they all have their own bike plus the Trans am.) at nightfall he arrives in an abandoned building and decides to sleep there, he eats powerpup by the candlelight because it’s the only things that’s there. he blows out the candle, puts away the mousekat head, his shoes, and takes off his jacket. He quickly falls asleep.

At the same time a BLI patrol is rounding down the corner, it’s Korse with a dozen Dracs. Korse is pissed because they got too far into the zones and he wanted to be back in battery city before the night, now they have to sleep in the desert. They stop their van and set up camp but two Dracs report they saw a building with lights inside not far from there. Korse and the Dracs go to the building to check it out. They’re really quiet and Party doesn’t wake up. Korse finds the sleeping Party and puts a gun to his head. But he’s distracted by how pretty Party is. When he realizes the killjoy is alone and vulnerable, he decides to have fun with him. He sends all Dracs to stand watch but two, in case Party tries to fight back.

Korse takes off Party’s pants, making sure not to wake him up, and starts feeling him up and down. Party moans in his sleep and that turns Korse on even more. He sticks his dick in him and starts fucking him, slow as first, then more aggressively. As Party starts to wake up he whispers Ghoul’s name, and Korse replied that it’s not Ghoulie. That definitely wakes Party up and when he sees who it is and what’s going on he panics and tries to fight back, screaming at Korse to get off of him. Korse has the two Dracs pin Party’s hands to the ground and keeps on raping him. Party is both scared and angry, he can’t manage to get out from under Korse. The latter calls him names, fucks him aggressively, makes him bleed a lot. As he’s about to come, he threatens Party, says he’s gonna find where the other guys are and do the same to them, which makes Party panic even more, and he jacks him off against his will so that they come at the same time.

Korse lets him go when he’s done with Party is drained and wounded and so he doesn’t move or try to escape. The Dracs put him in handcuffs. Korse thinks Party looks beautiful with all the blood and sperm so he takes two pictures with an old Polaroid: one he keeps for himself, the other for the fabulous killjoys to find. He knocks Party unconscious and him and the Dracs stay in the building for the night.

Party dreams that Jet is coming to save him. The Dracs wake him up at dawn, Korse decided he’s gonna take him to Battery City. They leave. Just after that, the killjoys arrive, having decided their stupid fight wasn’t a reason to stay mad at each other. They got concerned when they find Party’s bike and the mousekat head but not Party himself. Then someone picks up the photo Korse took.

Right now that’s all I got, might keep you updated, might delete this entire blog, who knows.

my daydreams and scenarios I make up to fall asleep are actually the angsty ass smut fanfics I could never write

#tw rape #tw noncon #tw somno #g/gm #f/g #danger days #killjoys #christ almighty #am I even ace #killjoys fic #party poison #korse #fun ghoul #angst #fanfic #ff: pretty poison

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mrs-dr-reid · 2 years ago

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My Personal Steve Rogers Headcanons

Part 1/?

The first time he went to a grocery store post-Capsicle, he very nearly had a public meltdown when he saw what 70 years of inflation did to the prices

He always makes “Back in my day…” statements unironically mainly to annoy Tony, and once Bucky comes back he joins in and Tony very nearly has an aneurysm because “Oh dear god, there’s two of them”

He loves taking you on walks in Brooklyn and showing you all the places he frequented growing up, and is sometimes pleasantly surprised when a place from his childhood barely changed at all since the 40s

He volunteers at the VA as an art therapy instructor when he has spare time, because he found that drawing and painting really helped him relax when his PTSD decided to aggressively announce its presence

He is very happy when record players and vinyls start coming back into fashion, and he’s especially happy because Bucky’s sister Rebecca put all of their stuff in a storage unit when they went MIA, and among their old stuff was his 1940s record player and the milk carton he kept all of his records in, which meant he didn’t have to go out and rebuy his entire collection

He loves going to Central Park in the fall and looking at all the leaves change color, and you even buy him a Polaroid camera so he can take pictures

To help him get caught up on modern pop culture, you pick a new show or movie to watch with him every couple of weeks, and most of them are early 2000s comedy-dramas and chick flicks (he liked Mean Girls a lot more than you thought he would, and now he unironically yells “SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE” whenever there's an alien invasion)

He’s obsessed with Broadway. Back in the 40s, he only really knew about “Anything Goes”, “Oklahoma!”, and “Kiss Me, Kate”, but now that he’s in the present, he makes it his goal to see at least one new musical every couple of months, either on stage if it can be afforded, or the pro-shot or movie adaptation. His newly-discovered favorites are Newsies and Hamilton, but he is also a big fan of Wicked

He likes learning about potentially useless information that he doesn’t really need to know for the hell of it. No, he doesn’t need to know who invented aerosol cans, but he wants to, and who’s gonna stop him from learning about it?

He was genuinely befuddled the first time he rode in a modern car, and not even a fancy one like Tony's Audi R8 Spyder. Nat took him for a drive in a 2009 Nissan Altima once and he spent the first ten minutes messing with the seat mover buttons

A gentleman above all else. He opens doors for you, pulls out your chair when you go out to eat, gives you his hand to help you out of cars or down stairs, and will give you his arm whenever you're walking anywhere together, because Sarah raised him right, aiight?

When he learned about Dapper Day at Disneyland, he immediately dropped everything and borderline extorted Tony into arranging a trip to California for the team so they could go. You two go as Duchess and O'Malley from The Aristocats, and you almost die because of how good he looks in his outfit

For a while he thinks voice-to-text and voice notes work like telegrams did, so for a while you receive voice notes of him yelling "HI Y/N STOP ARE WE STILL ON FOR DINNER TONIGHT STOP I LOVE YOU STOP" until Tony finally sits him down and explains how it works, so then you start receiving normal texts and voice notes

He loves stargazing, but since he lives in modern New York he barely gets to see the stars anymore because of all the light pollution, so a few times a month you drive him a couple hours away from the city, and you just lay down in the grass somewhere and watch the stars together

He is very fond of board games. So much so that he insists on a weekly Board Game Night with the team. Monopoly was kicked out of the rotation because of a Code Green after Bruce caught Tony trying to steal money from the bank eight times in a row, and then he still won, but the most popular games are Clue and Sorry

He doesn't understand the obsession with true crime. He does however very much enjoy procedural dramas like Grey's Anatomy, 9-1-1, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Criminal Minds. He thinks they're interesting

He absolutely hates being cold. One time the heat went out in your apartment, and you came home to find him on your couch wrapped up in every single blanket you owned while grumpily watching Legally Blonde

He’s borderline addicted to flannels and Henley shirts. Like, you open his closet and he has one in every color of the rainbow. I mean, the man looks good in a flannel or a Henley so you’re not mad about it, but it’s becoming a teeny bit excessive

#logan speaks #logan writes #logan has headcanons #steve rogers headcanons

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haechanplsacceptmylove · 3 years ago

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Toxic Love 2/2

Characters: Y/n x H/n (optional bias), Jay, Mey

Genre: angst

Warnings: toxic relationship, mentions of sex, swear words, fire, self harm, mentions of women getting used by men

Summary: after getting into an argument with your boyfriend, you decide to make up with him which leads you to regret every second you've spent with him. PART TWOOOOO

Word count: 2.9 almost 3k (unedited)

A/n: IM SORRYYYY I GOT SOOO SOO SOO BUSY I WASN'T EXPECTING TO GET BUSY FOR THAT LONG OMG

PART ONE

You reach your apartment, tears streaming down your face. Taking all your clothes off and throwing them on the ground until you reach your bedroom. You stand in front of the huge mirror. Looking at your reflection, your once used to be beautiful body, is looking so ugly right now. You look at the white lingerie embracing your body and curves. You scream and take it off aggressively. You start stretching the material as hard as you could, failing to tear it. You throw it on the ground, step on it and yell

"fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! I hate you! I hate you! I wish i never met you!"

You go and bring an empty metallic trash can, put the lingerie in it and bring all the polaroid pictures of you and H/n, set them on fire and throw them in the can. They burn along with the lingerie. You watch all your memories with him burn. You go and look for everything H/n has bought you; jewelry, clothes, accessories. You put them all in the fire. Burning everything that reminded you of him. All the memories. As if he was never in your life. You delete all the pictures that include him on your phone, block his number and delete all the messages. It's over. It's done. And there's no going back.

Nothing, NOTHING excuses him nor his actions and words. Your eyes go back to the mirror. Your naked body on the bed. The body you've worked for. The body everyone envied you for. The body you took care of in every way to keep it clean and pure. You didn't oet anyone touch you. You knew your worth. You weren't someone who'd just give herself to anyone. Until you met H/n. You trusted him and loved him so purely, you were ready to give him your heart, and your body. You were all his. You gave him your precious virginity. The virginity everyone was trying to get. He got it. Now..... Your pure clean body only feels... Disgusting.. You feel disgusting. It has been getting used as a toy. As an object. You want to peel your skin off. You want to get rid of your body. You can't bear having your disgusting body. It's like you want to tear it off you and burn it. You felt dirty, disgusting, humiliated, angry, sad.

Screaming, you throw the closest thing to you, the trashcan with the burnt stuff in it, which has now turned into ashes, on the mirror breaking it. You rush to the shower, turning flaming hot water on, and use soap, trying to wash your body. Your body turns red from the aggressive rubbing and scratching. Feeling so disgusted of it. You've been used. Your body was being used as a toy. You were just an object to him.

----------3 weeks later----------

"Y/n.... So have you moved on?" Mey, your childhood best friend asks you as she takes a bite of her lemon flavoured ice cream

"moved on from what?" you ask after drinking a sip of your iced coffee

".. H/n.." she hesitates

"who's that?" you ask, your eyes showing confusion

"no one" she chuckles shaking her head and continuing to eat her ice cream

"Y/n!! Mey!!" you hear someone calling your names and turn around.

"Jay! What's up?" you say. It's Jay, your friend of couple years, actually one of your best friends. Your friendship started normally, then he confessed his feelings to you but you didn't feel the same. He was very understanding with your response and accepted it wholeheartedly. You continued being friends and slowly your bond got stronger and became best friends, or even more. He's always told you that he's always going to be there for you and he's ready to do anything for you.

"I'm having my birthday party this weekend at my house! You guys are coming right??" he says taking a chair and sitting with you around the round table of the cafeteria.

"I'm not sure if I can make it but at what time is it??" you ask

"y/n... You can NOT skip MY birthday party like that! In fact, you should be the one bringing the most expensive gift" he says rolling his eyes playfully making you and Mey chuckle

"also it's starting at 8pm and continuing till..... I don't know...... OH! maaaany people are coming too, even my friends invited THEIR friends, its gonna be a big party" he says

"okay I'm coming!!" Mey says then looks at you

"um.... Okayyyyyy I'm coming too" you roll your eyes

"Jay lets go!!" you hear Jay's friends calling him from outside.

"okay guys i gotta go, see y'all on Saturday!! DRESS NICELY! " he gets up and leaves as he waves a bye to you.

------- Saturday 7pm -------

You step out of the shower, checking your phone

"I'll pick you up at 8:30pm!"

You read the message Mey sent you and chuckle. She can never be on time.

You start putting make up. Not too heavy nor too light. Just perfect. Red lipstick, smokey eyes. You put your mini red satin dress and high heels. You make your hair wavy. Adding some last touches, jewelry. A diamond necklace around your neck and diamond earrings. You get up and look in the mirror. Oh how beautiful you look. Your phone rings.

"Y/n I'm here!!!" Mey says on the phone and you tell her your coming. You didn't notice how long you took to get ready.

You hop in the car "Y/n holy fuck..... You're glowing" Mey says checking you up. You smile and thank her, telling her how beautiful she looks too.

After 15 minutes you arrive at Jay's house. You can already hear the music and see the amount of cars parked around his big house. You get in and see the bunch of people in the garden around the pool. Some you know and some you don't. Jay sees you and comes to greet you.

"Y/n, Mey! What took y'all so long to arrive?" he asks. "you know Mey loves being late to everything as if she's cinderella or something.." Mey slaps your arm playfully.

"anyways..... Here's your gift" you give him a small box which he opens immediately. He looks at the beautiful gold watch im awe. "i didn't really MEAN it when I said you should bring an expensive gift Y/n!" he says and hugs you.

"come in" he leads the way for you and Mey into his house. You see eyes landing on you. Checking you up and whispering to each other. You reach the kitchen. Jay offers you and Mey couple shots and you take them.

"what's up" some random boy wraps his arm around Jay and raises his eyebrow at you. "who's this cutie Jay?" he asks him, still looking at you. "someone you don't need to know, now go away" he pushes him off and tells him to go do something else. You chuckle and turn around. Looking at the people. Some are drinking, some making out, some dancing, some just chatting, some looking at you. Girls look at you rudely and boys admire you in lust.

"well, I'm going to look for my next heartbreak!" Mey takes another shot and disappears into the crowd.

"by the way.... Y/n" Jay says

"yeah?" you turn your attention to him.

"you look really beautiful" he says scratching the back of his head.

"aww thank you!" you say hitting his chest playfully making him chuckle.

"you're looking handsome too-" you go silent. Your attention goes to the sound of a loud laughter. You look at the girl and it takes you couple seconds before you recognise her.

Its her....the girl who had left those love bites on your ex... Well apparently you weren't even in a relationship so he isn't your ex even.

"Y/n?" Jay says interrupting your thoughts "oh! I zoned out sorry.. Yeah you look handsome too Jay" you laugh awkwardly playing it off.

"so.... You know everyone in this party?" you ask

"nope! Many people are my friends' friends. So i don't really know them nor haven't even talked to most of them... At least yet"

You nod your head "ooh okay i get it" you look at the girl again, she's taking shots with her loud friends. "oh that girl?" Jay asks, startling you.

"what?"

"the one you keep looking at.... She's my friend's girl... I guess... At least that's how it looks" he says taking a sip of his drink

"what... do you mean??" you ask

"i mean they're been fucking on and off, sometimes they're fucking and acting like lovebirds and sometimes they're acting like enemies. Honestly no one knows what the fuck is going on betwee-"

"no..... I mean, what do you mean she's your friend's girl? Whose girl?" you ask in a confused and serious note

"oh, she's H- oh HIS girl" he points with his head at the boy walking towards y'all with his friends. You look at him and see the person who you didn't really miss nor wanted to see, ever. H/n.

He was walking with his friends and chatting with them, he didn't notice you until he heard Jay calling him.

"Yo H/n! What's up my g" Jay says walking towards him a little, covering you behind him. "happy birthday bro" H/n says and they half hug.

"How's your girl bro?" Jay asks

"oh she's fine, we're fine" he laughs

"are you guys even dating? You've been fucking around with her for couple months now" one of H/n's friends ask him

"yeah we're dating, been doing it for half a year, but you know every relationship has its ups and downs.." he chuckles awkwardly.

"Half a year? We ended things only couple weeks ago.... " you thought to yourself.

"anyways! How about you bro, you found a girl yet?" H/n asks Jay laughing

"ohh no, not yet, oh by the way i forgot to introduce you to-" Jay turns around showing you behind him.

Your eyes meet. Your eyes meet his eyes. H/n's eyes. You both freeze. Well to be fair, he froze harder. His eyes literally lost the shine in them. Its like he saw a ghost.

" Y/n this is H/n, H/n this is Y/n, my best friend" Jay introduces you to each other.

"Hey! I'm Mark" one of H/n's friends says, giving his hand for a handshake. You move your attention to him and shake his hand "hey" you say giving him a sweet smile.

Jay stands between you and H/n awkwardly, looking at you both, confused why you didn't greet each other. "guys are you okay.." he says

"yeah" you say

"Hi I'm Y/n" you say, offering your hand for a handshake

H/n stands there looking at you up and down. The treasure he let go of. He couldn't believe it. He was not expecting to see you at all, in a situation like this.

"H/n!" Jay puts his hand on his shoulder and H/n finally focuses again and looks at Jay. "her hand is waiting" Jay says and H/n realizes

"oh... Hi I-I'm H/n" his hands reach to yours and shakes it.

"nice to meet you" you say smirking at him and letting go of his hand.

"H/n you're here!" Again, you hear that annoying voice, you roll your eyes. The girl comes to H/n and kisses his lips and hugs him. He pushes her away slowly "don't do this now"

"well...... Let's cut the cake i guess" Jay says, trying to break the awkward atmosphere.

Jay heads outside to the big garden and to the cake on the big table near the pool. Soon the garden becomes crowded with almost everyone, leaving the house kind of empty

You've excused yourself earlier to go to the bathroom. You look in the mirror and stare at yourself in silence. After some time to break down laughing. "fucking idiot" you laugh again hysterically as you remember H/n's face when he saw you. You literally saw how shocked he was. Everyone notices the tension between you two in that moment. But the attention mostly went to him because you played it off very well.

You put lipstick and put some little touches on your hair making sure it's nice then you exit the bathroom. As you walk down the hallway, you get pulled by someone and dragged into a dark room

"what the fuc-" you get interrupted when you see H/n's face. It was a dark room but had some light coming from the light decoration put outside, and you hear the music mixed with the crowd voices. "what do you want?" you ask pushing him away, acting like you don't really recognise him.

H/n grabs your shoulders tightly so he doesn't get pushed back. "Y/n.. I wasn't expecting to see you here-"

"and why would you expect me to be anywhere anyway? Can you let go of me now? I don't want your dirty hands on me... Fucking disgusting" you say moving your arms and pushing him away harshly

"Y/n please..." he comes back and holds you against the wall again "you're fucking gorgeous....... I can't stop myself—" he grabs your jaw and presses his lips onto yours. He slightly moans into your mouth when he feels your lips kissing him back. You grab his neck and deepen the kiss. H/n grabs your hair into a ponytail and slides his tongue into your mouth, feeling it and tasting the flavour he's been missing for so long. You move your hand from his neck to his hair and grab it breaking the kiss. It was a heated make out session. You both pant and try to catch air.

"Y/n.... I missed you... I'm so sorry i should've never done that nor said that to you-" he inhales, trying to calm his panting, "i love you Y/n please forgive me...... I've made a mistake.... Please... I regret everything, I love you" he says, his eyes full of sorrow... And lust.

You look at him with sad eyes. "H/n...." you smile "do you remember when i said that you're my biggest mistake?" he nods sadly.

"i really..... I really meant it and still do" his face impressions changes to confusion and you smirk with devil eyes. "all those nights and days, all those hours and minutes, all that TIME i spent with you.... Fuck! How much i regret it. If i could, I'd go back in time and never meet you. I'd UNspend all the time i spent with you.... What a shame i can't" you start laughing.

H/n's jaw drops in confusion. He doesn't understand what's happening. You were just... Kissing...??? What are you saying now?

"you missed my lips didn't you" you lean closer, making him feel your breath against his lips "you missed my body didn't you" you look at him... "you missed being loved... By me...." you stare at him. He stares back at you in silence. Not knowing what to say.

You let your grip go of his hair. You slide both of your hands from his shoulders to his chest. You push him away from you. "H/n you're a piece of shit. You will always be a piece of shit. For everything you've done to me and probably other girls too, your life punishment will be this..... You'll never get anyone to love you.... Not the same way i did.... Nor any better.... You'll be miserable and you'll live in regret. Goodbye " you walk away.

H/n grabs your arm "wait Y/n plea—" you push his hand away. "fuck you H/n! I never want to see you ever again. For me, you're fucking dead. You don't exist anymore in my world!" you walk out of the room.

H/n watches as the person that loved him for who he is, who always tried to give him the best, who truly sincerely cared for him, walk away and out of his life. He has lost you for ever, and he'll never be happy again.

You walk away and laugh to yourself as you wipe your mouth with your hand. "fucking stupid" you let him kiss you, to make him suffer more. You gave him hope and then turned him down hard. He's stupid for thinking that you'd ever forgive someone like him. He's disrespected you enough. It's enough. You're focusing on your life and future. You've started not only a new chapter, but a whole new book.

H/n punches the wall, tears dropping on the floor, his heart and mind aching. You were like a drug to H/n. He was addicted to you and your body, then got clean from you. But you came back and gave him a taste, and now he's craving you again, like crazy. Now you're gone, you've left him to suffer alone. That's karma after all.

You go to the garden, Jay has already cut the cake and shared it with the others. You walk towards him and he grabs a plate and hands it to you "your piece" he says smiling. You look at him and at the plate. You take the plate and put it on the near table. "Jay, you've told me you can do anything for me?". He nods. You grab him by his jaw and kiss him. Jay grabs your waist and kisses you back. I mean, you had to change the taste of your mouth. You share this beautiful moment as H/n watches from the crowd. His eyes boiling in anger and jealousy. You're not his anymore.

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