#agent blackthorn

[decadennce]

Dump of doodles and sketches etc etc that didn’t warrant their own post + extremely convenient censor box so I don’t have to restrict this post due to booba <3333

[cosmerelists]

If Cosmere Characters Had Real-World Jobs (But Not The Obvious Ones)

In this list, I wanted to try to give Cosmere characters jobs in our world while avoiding the jobs that would be the most obvious picks--like, for example, the real world equivalent of whatever their canon job is.

1. Kaladin: Professional Football Player

It's a dangerous job that Kaladin's dad would scoff at, but the other kids in town think it's really cool and also the recruiters are coming through town and, I mean, he's really good at football.

2. Lirin: Public Defender

If we avoid the obvious job (doctor), then Lirin still needs a job where he is doing good, but it's pretty thankless and the general public are suspicious and think he might actually be evil somehow. So I figure: public defender. He's highly educated, helping people who need it, and just getting nothing but grief as a result. Worst of all, his smart son wants to be a FOOTBALL player!

3. Marsh: Masseuse

I feel like people who are good at hemalurgy know about the body and its pressure points and things like that. And frankly, "acupuncturist" felt too on the nose.

4. Shallan: Park Ranger

Shallan HATES to be confined, so no way she's going into an office job. Plus, she likes nature and animals, but I'm trying to avoid the more obvious jobs (like botanist or ecologist). It's just too bad that Shallan is SO bad at staring a campfire, though.

5. Navani: Wedding Planner

Navani is VERY good at managing people and events, as seen when she had to manage everything while Gavilar was off plotting. She's also very organized and literally invented wristwatches. So I think she's be very good at this job.

6. Elend: Grad Student

This one may be too obvious, but I figure something like "politician" or "philosopher" are more obvious. But to me, Elend has major grad student energy.

7. Nale: Insurance Adjuster

Nale is a cop, of course, through and through. But if he wasn't a cop, then he'd need some other job where he uses the rules to screw people over. So I see him as, like, an evil insurance guy who's denying people medical coverage because the company wants him to.

8. Blackthorn-Era Dalinar: Debt Collector

If flashback Dalinar couldn't make a living mowing people down in battle and had to find a less obvious job, then I could see him being the guy to hunt down people and demand money they don't have. He doesn't really care about the money. He just likes the hunt.

9. Adolin: eSports Player

It's a job where you can head-to-head battle people and your dad is vaguely puzzled and thinks you should be doing something more important with your life.

10. Lightsong: Customer Service Agent

In canon, Lightsong's job is to face down a huge line of people and tell them "no" in response to them asking for something they want. So, I mean, I feel like that's equivalent to one of those shitty customer service jobs where you're not really allowed to help people (until, of course, Lightsong goes rogue and does start helping people, but that's another story...)

11. Stormfather: Bus Driver

He has his route, and he's not deviating from it. And if you miss the bus, he's not stopping. He's not going back. You can try to run, but you will not catch up to him.

12. Tress: Mechanic

As a Sprouter, Tress had to figure out how each of the spores worked and how to use them. I just feel like she'd be good at diagnosing issues in machinery and then fixing them.

13. Steris: Programmer

She's precise, she's smart, she likes rules. I think coding would suit her.

14. Yumi: Waitress

She could stack the plates SO high.

15. Marasi: Investigative Reporter

Which, honestly, is what I wish she had been rather than being a cop like in canon. I think it would suit her! She'd get to research, investigate, find the truth...

16. Kelsier: Motivational Speaker

He tells you about the power of smiling no matter what, so that you are never defeated. He tells you to carry something small, some memento or photo, to help you find your motivation. You tells you that no goal is out of reach--you just have to find the right people and the right steps to move forward. And he tells you that the most important thing is to survive.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

I know Riot would never do it, but do you feel like there's any champion in League that could benefit being split from their kit? Meaning the kit is perfectly fine, doesn't merit a rework, it just doesn't fit the Champion and their lore the best. If I were to give an example I'd say Morg.

When her Blackthorn skin came out I felt like it was such a perfect match for the kit and made a great case for why the kit deserves to be on a swamp warlock/witch. With its grasping vines and poisonous ground. This would give Morg the chance to get a new kit to better support her lore as a protector of the people and rivalry with Kayle.

I mean, yeah, Morgana is a great example of that kind of thing - her character's whole vibe is resistance against unjust exercise of power, forgiveness and redemption, but her KIT is nothing but chains and pains.

Her abilities are like Q: imprison a person, W: make them walk on flaming coals, E: a shield, and E: imprison even more people.

Of those, only her shield, which protects from crowd control, really works thematically with the idea of her as a liberator or a guardian against undue imprisonment and punishment. If anything, her kit seems like a much more natural fit for Kayle as a character.

Blitzcrank is another character whose kit isn't that great a fit for his character - in his story he's a heroic service-robot who spends his time helping the deprived of Zaun, cleaning up toxic waste and averting disasters. Like, his Q should at LEAST be useable for dragging allies out of danger as well as hooking enemies, but basically none of his kit supports that character fantasy AT ALL, and his ult straight up sucks for what he's supposed to be.

Kennen has the problem that his powers... it's not that they're a BAD fit for his story role, it's more that they're NO fit for it. They don't detract, but they also don't support it at all. He's supposed to be the agent of balance between the Eye of Twilight (Shen) and the Fist of Shadow (formerly Akali), a diplomatic mediator spurring the Eye to action and the Fist to calm, and that's just... NOT at all related to his lightning powers. Like, at ALL. They seem like utterly separate things.

Which is the same problem Skarner has - no real connection between his abilities and his story, although I guess maybe the rework is about to do something about that. Theoretically. If it ever comes out.

[nothwell]

hello my name is Sebastian Nothwell and i have written queer romance books. learn all about them under the readmore.

you can find more info on my author site.

and my drawerfic on my patreon.

there is also a podcast.

thank you for your time.

~

Mr Warren’s Profession - mm Victorian romance; a wealthy baronet falls for a clerk in a textile mill; aristocrat x commoner, hurt/comfort, angst, lavender marriage, engineering.

Throw His Heart Over - equestrian sequel to Mr Warren’s Profession; hurt/comfort and horses.

Hold Fast - mm Victorian whaling romance; a harpooner inherits a baronetcy and falls for the estate agent tasked with turning him into a gentleman; hunting, angst, dance lessons, Pygmalion, hurt/comfort.

The Haunting of Heatherhurst Hall - ff Gothic romance; sapphic yearning, lavender marriage, haunted house, ghosts or gaslighting?

Oak King Holly King - mm Victorian fae romance; fae warrior fated to die x mortal clerk destined to save him; hurt/comfort, fae x mortal, antlers, homoerotic duels.

Tales from Blackthorn Briar - sequel to Oak King Holly King; polyamory, creative anatomy, fae x mortal, hurt/comfort.

Fiorenzo - mm fantasy-of-manners romance; hurt/comfort, royal x commoner, masquerade, homoerotic duels, dance lessons, creative anatomy, fantasy!Venice.

[allgirlsareprincesses]

Mythical Husbands in Willow (2022)

(Adapted from my Twitter thread)

Ok, time for a stream-of-consciousness thread about mythical husbands in #Willow: lost husbands, enchanted husbands, false husbands, mortal husbands, and demon lovers. #Graylora

After Ep4 of #Willow, I count at least 4 mythical husbands: Airk, Graydon, the Lich (stay with me), and... Madmartigan. I'm not including Willow himself in this, at least until we find out what happened to Kiaya.

False husbands and false brides are very common in folk tales, but usually the FIRST bride is the True Bride, while the SECOND husband is the True Husband. A True Bride has to master trials in order to prove herself, while a True Husband must humble himself to recover his bride.

There are many variations of the false husband, including the Demon Lover (sometimes the literal devil), a Revenant (undead lover), Incubus (avatar of the bride's sexual fantasies), the prince's beastly form, or a mortal man whose mundanity leads him to abandon his bride.

Thus far, #Willow seems to be blending these a lot, which is great in that it gives these husbands a lot of complexity. First, Airk: as @whattheforce has suggested, he's likely a false husband, most obviously the mundane mortal who fails to appreciate his extraordinary bride.

One example of this type of husband from myth is Theseus, who relies on Princess Ariadne to defeat the Minotaur and escape the Labyrinth, but then abandons her on an island. She wakes to find the god Dionysus, who makes her his consort.

Airk's immature love of "Dove" is a sort of emotional abandonment, showing that he is an inadequate partner for Elora even if she rescues him. Further, if the Crone manages to corrupt Airk, he will be a demon lover, who is sometimes (but not always) a false husband.

We see some other aspects of the Ariadne myth in #Willow, especially with how Elora is "tied" to Airk by the bracelet he gave her, and then tied to Graydon by the binding he tried to release in Ep3 and the belt she tied around him in Ep4.

Airk could also be classified as Elora's Incubus, given how sexually aggressive she is with him. This will be especially true if the Crone attempts to use her attraction to Airk to lure or corrupt her. Important note though: an Incubus is not necessarily a false husband (Kylo)!

The Lich qualifies as a demon lover when he uses Graydon as a vessel to pursue Elora. Specifically, the Lich is a Revenant or undead lover who tries to lure the bride into the underworld. Sometimes the Revenant can take the form of a lost lover, like Graydon using Airk's voice.

When possessed by the Lich and his past brush with dark magic, Graydon is also HIMSELF a demon lover or beastly husband, particularly demonstrated by his scarring and later facial deformity, the beastly skin which Elora must burn or consume to reveal the true husband underneath.

My favorite example of a Revenant tale is The Blood-Drawing Ghost, in which Kate finds a blackthorn wand atop a fresh grave. When she grasps it, the corpse demands she carry him to a manor where he drains and eats the blood of three young men. When she returns him to his grave, he tries to drag her in, but Kate outwits him and escapes, returning to the manor to feed the young men their own blood (which she cleverly refused to eat), reviving them. She then chooses one as a husband, discovers the dead man's hidden treasure, and lives happily ever after.

In #Willow Elora discovers her magic (making her the rightful owner of Cherlindrea's wand) and then is pursued by the agents of death. The Crone tries to use the blood of Airk, Kit, and Graydon to revive herself, and Elora fights back by cooking for or feeding others.

Graydon, though a prince and therefore a fitting partner for a goddess by fairy tale logic, can also be considered a mortal husband. The goddess of the dawn Eos or Aurora was known to take mortal lovers, notably a Trojan prince whom she gifted immortality.

Elora too is a goddess of light with a name that sounds very similar to Aurora and whose story includes many references to Sleeping Beauty variations like Brunhild. This Valkyrie was cursed to sleep under her shield and surrounded by a ring of fire until a hero could revive her.

Sleeping princesses are typically revived by the appearance of their true husband, and sometimes by that husband calling her by her true name. Immediately after Willow reveals Elora's identity, Graydon is the first to address her as such, awakening her from her disbelief.

In some tales, a sleeping princess is awakened first, and then her husband is cursed and must be healed. This is exactly the pattern followed by Elora and Graydon so far. Further, a ring will often play into the lovers' reunion, so I would expect Graydon's ring to be significant.

Lastly, a prominent lost husband in #Willow is Madmartigan, and I feel it is extremely likely that he, or at least his unreslved loss, will play a role in this season's conclusion. Because Sorcha chose to retreat behind the Barrier to protect her children, she never sought him the way that heroic brides typically do. As a Snow Queen archetype, Sorcha's role is to let her children go, and given Kit and Airk's unresolved issues with their father's disappearance, they may complete the quest she should have taken (Elora too).

Furthermore, Madmartigan could himself have become a demon husband in his time away - he might be dead (in the underworld) or transformed in some way, in which case he would need to be healed or integrated in some way by a power associated with Sorcha (likely through Kit).

Lastly, just in case anyone is wondering why Elora NEEDS a husband at all, it's the same reason that Kit needs a bride: alchemical union is the path to wholeness and the healing of the world which as #Willow said is out of balance!

/end (for now!)

Sources:

In Search of the Swan Maiden: A Narrative on Folklore and Gender by Barbara Fass Leavy

Sleeping Beauties: Sleeping Beauty & Snow White Tales From Around the World by Heidi Anne Heiner

https://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/celt/tfgw/tfgw33.htm

[maingh0st]

❤️ 🦋 and 📗 for the ask game!!!

hi!!! from this ask game! gonna go in reverse order:

📗 Do you want to write something outside of fanfiction? If so, what about?

my full-time job is writing! but fic allows me a creative, non-work outlet during my free time. I do have a few original fictional novel ideas in varying stages of planning/drafting, but I’ve been focusing on fic for the last year or so because it gives me a sandbox to practice & sharpen specific skills. I don’t have a grand dream of becoming a published author, but if I ever managed to polish a novel to the point of being really proud of it, maybe I’d seek out a lit agent

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

obviously I really enjoy the Ghost/Taryn fics I’m working on right now, but honestly, I think the most fun I’ve ever had writing fic was when I took a stab at Zoya’s POV in head on my heart (tell me we’re worlds apart). she just has this very biting, almost morose internal voice that was a nice change of pace for me

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

oh nooooo this is hard!! “favorite” can mean so many different things. I’m going to cheat a little bit & give a few answers

from a thematic standpoint, I’m proud of the following exchange from head on my heart (tell me we’re worlds apart) for what it represents in the overall story:

Weariness weighed on her. "A thorn wood is only ever a thorn wood, Nikolai." His lips against her collarbones were nearly a kiss. "That's precisely what I'm saying, Zoya."

it might not make sense out of context, but the skills I was focusing on in that fic were character voice + theme through a framing device, and I feel that ^ exchange near the end of the fic really captures what I was trying to do

from a purely prose/atmosphere standpoint:

Winter wanes. Life stirs deep in the belly of the earth and spring arrives quietly, a visitor padding through a snowfall. With spring comes the fest of Imbolc—the time of melting snow, blooming blackthorns, and ewes gone to milk. [this whole passage, actually, but I'm already stretching the prompt's "one line" limit haha] [from ch 4 of mniwyd]

on a character level:

Taryn stored up her worst memories of Locke the same way she stored up her best memories of Madoc. [from ch 8 of mniwyd]

&

His father had been a good, honest human, but in the absence of another parent, Elfhame became his mother—and he's been sitting at her feet for far longer. When he thinks of the years stretching before him, the long fae life he is promised so long as no enemy cuts him down, he fears what he might become in her custody.   [from ch 5 of mniwyd]

[bretongirlwrites]

‘I never get letters,’ said Marcurio, ‘not any more; I used to get them, at university, when I racked up debts and things and had to send home for more money, and, – oh, damn it all, it is from them, isn’t it.’

He inspected the handwriting at arm’s length; eyebrows sharper than any dagger he might have put through it; and giving in at last, threw the envelope in the fire, and devoured the letter as one might, masochistic, a dinner with an old enemy. It was from his parents, – after all.

‘It is so City,’ said he after hardly a paragraph, ‘that I only half understand it. – Oh!’ 

‘Oh?’

‘News travels fast,’ said he: ‘the Thalmor must have some secret means of communication; or they are a hive-mind, –’

‘Hive-mind,’ said I: ‘even their faces are hardly different, when they scowl.’

‘Anyway,’ said he, crumpling the offending sentence a little, with a nervousness I’d rarely seen in him: ‘apparently news of the Embassy affair has reached Cyrodiil.’

He went into the main course, quite as if knowing it poisoned; and I meanwhile, – for he’d spared me, in not allowing me to read over his shoulder, – must be vaulted unpleasantly back into the Embassy, and the chaos we’d made of it. We’d been introduced as City gentry, and Marcurio under his right name; and we’d done so much as to merit more than being disinherited, – the Thalmor agents we’d injured, and killed! the prisoners broken out! the documents stolen! and in the name of the Blades!

Marcurio had already called his parents: bloody Thalmor bootlickers: and in my recent experience, the Thalmor had so much boot to lick, right up past their knees, that they’d never get to the end of it. A man purporting to represent the family, had so ignored the boots, and the licking, and gone straight for punching the smug faces, – that, oh! it was shame upon his parents, it was horror! Were they to pursue the matter, to hunt us down, to get us our just desserts to this most hideous of main courses, – 

‘Oh!’ said Marcurio upon swallowing the remainder: and not as displeased as I had expected: ‘well, that’s charming. Really charming. Here.’

My hands were shaking so much, that I could not take the first sheet of the letter from him; and rather had him read it to me, at least as far as he could suffer.

‘They are more concerned about you,’ he said, ‘than anything else.’

‘About me!’ I cried: and thought I sank through the floor.

‘Because,’ said he, ‘well, um. Listen to this. We are most concerned about the reports, it says, that you were seen at this function in the presence of a nobody, and showing considerable affection to her, – they stand five feet apart in the City, or they may as well be married, – anyway: this young woman did not have the class or the presence of a, – no, that does not matter, none of it is true, – if you must be seen with young women in public, they ought to, – well, this is too long to read out; if you simply wear a nice set of rings and wear your hair high and act like an absolute arse, you’ll probably manage it, – don’t do that, I’ll fall out of love with you, – anyway that’s most of the letter. About you. If you have got two sides’ worth of disapproval from my parents, then you must be doing something right.’

He considered throwing it in the fire; but I must stop him; and in the faintest of voices, not knowing what to think, I asked: 

‘And the fighting? and the burglary? and the escape? what is all the second page?’

‘They disliked that, too,’ said he, ‘but all things considered, they’re half glad it detracted from my faux pas. Here: One report says you were attacked by a frost troll. If that is the case, remember to cover up any inconvenient scars.’

‘Inconvenient scars!’ I cried. 

‘They said much the same,’ said he, ‘when I crept back to the university after curfew, and fell into a blackthorn climbing back into the dormy. – It does not matter. We knew all this was known about.’

‘I did not want it to get into the public,’ said I hardly above a whisper. 

‘No,’ said he at last: ‘but things do; and I might have had worse. We might both of us have had worse.’

Then, unable to keep himself from speaking it, or from grinning; he said:

‘I am disinherited, disinherited at last!’ –

– and with the most carefree reassurance, – tossing the letter aside like some great burden become paper-light, – laughed; and took my ringless hand.

[decadennce]

I think he should be allowed to be a little insane under the surface. as a treat.

[g-girlshavingfun]

Meetings (II)

A series of short dribbles about how the core-four of the first generation met.

(I) Rachel + Abby, Matt + Joe

(II) Matt + Rachel, Joe + Rachel

(III) Matt + Abby, Joe + Abby

——————————————————————— Matt loved Rachel the second he met her.

Him and Joe were struggling to decipher intelligence they received out of Russia, and although Joe insisted they would figure it out, Matt’s need to please his superiors was greater than his pride.

So he asked around the office for a good codes-man and was met with a snarky remark about assumptions and gendered language by the prettiest and smartest girl he had ever seen. A girl - woman - who cracked the code without trouble and promptly sent them on their way before her coffee got cold.

He immediately proceeded to talk about her to everyone would listen - Joe and his parents and the bag boy at the grocery store - until Joe finally convinced him to actually try talking to her.

He flirted with her for months. Bringing her coffee - cream, no sugar - trying to make her smile by cracking terrible jokes, telling her she had a pretty smile every time she caved, telling her she had a mean right hook when she hit him for it even though it was barely a slap.

She was the highlight of his day.

He bribed several of the agency’s best hackers to pull her birthday from Langley’s files, and that day he broke into her car and left a bouquet of daisies and a few rounds of bullets for her firearm on the passenger seat.

The next morning she brought him coffee - cream and three sugars, despite constant mockery from Joe - and cracked a terrible joke about the state of his pancreas. He laughed harder than he thought possible and finally found the courage to ask her out.

She said yes.

He had no idea what he did to deserve it.

———————————————————————

Rachel barely remembers meeting Matthew for the first time.

He was just some guy looking for another guy to do his work for him. He was kind of cute and he smiled like he was embarrassed, not to be asking a woman for help but to be asking for anyone’s help, and he thanked her about five times before taking his scowling friend away. Ultimately though he was just another operative who wasn’t ready to be in the business.

She barely remembers meeting him for the second time. Or the third, or fourth.

He wasn’t just some guy anymore, he was Agent Morgan, that guy who insisted on buying her coffee and making terrible puns and generally distracting her from her work. But these moments were still fleeting and short. Tiny fragments of sunshine that brightened her busy days but were ultimately of no significance.

Still, she began to look forward to these moments. To his jokes and his grin and his stupid midwestern accent. She doesn't remember when that happened.

She remembers the first moment she loved him though.

When she got into her car after a long day and was met with bullets for her gun and her favourite flowers. Only four people in the world should know that it was her birthday: a friend living an ocean away working for MI6, an underaged sister who couldn’t buy her bullets and wouldn’t buy her flowers, an old nanny who would buy her flowers but never bullets, and her mother who probably forgot entirely.

This guy had somehow figured out her birthday, her favourite flowers, and the type of bullets she needed. He had broken into her car without leaving a trace and given her a reason to smile after a long day.

She loved him for that.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Joe didn’t love Rachel the second he met her, but he loved her almost every second after.

It was the same day Matt met her, and while his best friend couldn’t stop talking about her hair and her eyes and how clever she was for cracking the cipher they’d been working on for two weeks in five minutes, Joe was distracted by how she looked at them like she knew better.

Joe was a Blackthorne graduate. He was meticulous and prepared and noticed everything. He was a damn good agent and he wouldn’t be looked down on just because someone had got it in their head that they were better than him.

Except she was better than him.

She was a better agent.

He learned that from her case reports, which were detailed and organised accounts of complex assignments typically assigned to agents half a decade her senior. He learned that from the way she hacked into to Matt’s records to find his address, showing up to their apartment ready to take on the world the second Matt left her a concerning voicemail. He learned it from the missions they went on together, when she’d plan three steps ahead to cover his hide, to protect her sister, to watch Matt’s back.

She was a better person too.

He learned that from the smile his best friend wouldn’t shut up about. The smile reserved for Matt and the slightly different one reserved for everyone else. From the way she looked out for Joe despite everything. The undeserved kindness she showed him even when he lets Matt get hurt on missions, even when she should hate him. From the love she had for her family. When that family was just an annoying little sister and an absent mother, to when it grew to include a husband and a daughter, and him he supposed.

She was better than him, better than everyone, and her loved her for it.

But she deserved better than him, deserved the best.

She deserved Matt.

———————————————————————

Rachel thinks she remembers the first time she met Joe.

In reality, the first time she met Joe was also the first time she met Matthew.

But if Matthew was just some guy who needed help, Joe was just some guy’s scowling friend who refused to ask for the help they so desperately needed. So she didn’t really remember meeting him then.

She remembers their next meeting much better.

Only a couple hours after her first date with Matthew, the man left her a voicemail that sounded like a plea for help, so obviously Rachel tracked down his address and turned up at his apartment with her guns loaded only to be met by Joe Solomon, a man who did not appreciated being shot at.

The resulting fight was resolved quickly when Matthew appeared, and a hasty alliance was formed between herself and Joe to criticise said voicemail. In their line of work, telling his date that it was “vital to his ongoing survival that she call him back” was not flirting, it was a distress call, and Matthew needed to know these things if he wanted to survive beyond his first few years in the agency. Their alliance of looking out for Matthew stuck.

Joe Solomon was obviously a sensible agent.

He knew what the job required, and he knew how to do it. He was clearly looking out for Matthew well enough, though he could probably use some help. And he was a good man, he just didn’t know it yet.

In time he’d prove himself to be more than sensible, but competent. A good agent, one of the best she’d work with. More than that, he’d prove to be a friend. Not just to Matthew or even to her, but to Abby and Grace and Abe. He’d prove himself to Cammie. As a teacher, a protector, a confidant. Over and over again he’d prove himself to be good and kind and trustworthy.

In time she’d realise he loved her, had loved her for a long time.

In time she’d realise she loved him too.

[dragon-master-clair]

What was the Rocket presence in Johto like in your world?

They're an organization bent on subjugating people and pokémon. They terrorized Johto. During the Rocket Revival, things got as bad as they did in Kanto when they were at the height of their power. Their agents would accost people on the street and steal their pokémon. People were terrified, and rightly so. Not everyone has the ability to fight back against that sort of thing.

Whitney deserved to be fired for her lack of response to the Goldenrod radio tower takeover incident. If they had tried that in Blackthorn, I would have taken the initiative in handling it.

[cabeswaterdrowned]

What are you top five favorite characters of all time?

not a question I can answer without some cheating and even then remember that I have a lot of media interests so something I haven’t revisited in a while could be lower on the radar in my mind’s eye. But off the top of my head without second guessing myself too much:

top 10 female tv chars: Buffy Summers (Buffyverse), Julia Wicker (The Magicians), Spencer Hastings (Pretty Little Liars), Rory Gilmore (Gilmore Girls), Katherine Pierce (The Vampire Diaries), Rebecca Bunch (Crazy Ex Girlfriend), Annie Edison (Community), Cordelia Chase (Buffyverse), Alice Quinn (The Magicians). honorable mentions: Margo Hanson (The Magicians), lots of other Buffyverse women but especially Faith Willow Tars and Dawn, multiple other TVDu women but especially Hope and Bonnie, Valencia Perez (CEG), multiple other pll women but especially Mona Vanderwaal, Root (Person of Interest), Sana and Noora (Skam Norway), May and Daisy (Agents of SHIELD), Effy Stonem (Skins UK), Devi Vishwakumar (Never Have I Ever).

top 10 female book characters: Julia Wicker again although it has been a really long time since I touched the tm books.. but remember I adored her in them, Blue Sargent (The Raven Cycle), Zoya Nazyalensky (Grishaverse), Sydney Sage (Bloodlines), Tessa Gray (The Shadowhunter Chronicles), Inej Ghafa (Grishaverse), Ling Chan (The Diviners), Karou (Daughter of Smoke and Bone), there are a lot of candidates for that 10th spot but my gut impulse is either Nina Zenik or Piper McLean.

honorable mentions: Theta Knight and Evie O’Neill (The Diviners), Emma Carstairs (The Shadowhunter Chronicles), Felicity Worthington (The Gemma Doyle trilogy), Emma Woodhouse + Anne Elliot (Jane Austen), Rose Hathaway (Vampire Academy), Zuzana Novakova and Liraz (Daughter of Smoke and Bone), Kate Harker (Monsters of Verity), Mackenzie Bishop (The Archived), multiple other Riordanverse girls but if I’m limiting Reyna and Annabeth, Genya Safin (Grishaverse).

top 5 male characters (this one is fairly reliable to take as definite since I have way less candidates): Adam Parrish (The Raven Cycle), Andrew Minyard (All for the Game), Abed Nadir (Community), Nico Di Angelo (Riordanverse), Kaz Brekker (Grishaverse)

honorable mentions: Gansey (The Raven Cycle), Julian Blackthorn and Magnus Bane (The Shadowhunter Chronicles), Eliot Waugh (The Magicians), Percy Jackson (Riordanverse)

[moviemunchies]

I promised that I’d talk about Shogun, so let’s talk about Shogun. I thought I’d already started writing this review, but I apparently didn’t, as I can’t locate the document, and I can’t even find my original handwritten notes….

For starters, it’s really good.

Based on James Clavell’s novel of the same name, the miniseries (at least, it was planned as a miniseries, but supposedly it’s gotten renewed) Shogun is about Japanese politics in the feudal period. In the year 1600, after the death of the Taiko, a council of five regents was put into power while the Taiko’s son grows up. One of those regents, Lord Toranaga, is accused by the others of wanting to make himself shogun, the de facto leader of Japan, and finds himself in a sticky situation where all of his opponents are trying to corner him.

Rather fortuitous, though, that a Dutch ship arrives on the coast of Japan, in one of Toranaga’s territories. On it is English government agent John Blackthorne, who arrives with the intent of disrupting Catholic Portuguese interest and trade in the country, and establishing Protestant influence. And that ship has a butt-ton of cannons that more than one faction would be happy to grab a hold of.

Feudal Japanese political intrigue: the miniseries!

One thing that’s fascinating about both the original novel and the miniseries is how this is essentially a fictionalization of real events. Yes, the cast is made up of fictional characters–but only barely. Just about every major character maps onto a real-life historical figure, which will help some viewers work out some things before they happen on-screen. Toranaga is a clear analogue to Tokugawa Ieyasu, and Blackthorne to William Adams (yes, the guy from Nioh), and Mariko to Hosokawa Gracia. Mind you, they’re very heavily fictionalized versions of those characters for the sake of drama. There’s no reason to think there was anything between Mariko and Blackthorne’s real-life counterparts.

If you’re curious, the TV Tropes character sheets for the show mention who each character was based off of.

I am concerned that many people are going to take this as a true representation of history, which, uh, it’s not. I keep thinking of people I know or on the Internet saying, “I know about Norse mythology, I’ve played God of War!” and, um, no. In Shogun, for instance, I think the writers (of both the show and the book, if I remember the novel correctly) lean too hard into the “Scheming Jesuit” stereotype than is probably accurate, because the idea of conniving Catholic missionaries, or Jesuits up to no good, is appealing to audiences today–although Father Alvito is a delightfully complex character. 

This is not me saying that the show is bad because of these things! I’m just saying don’t take it as history.

[Although! If we look at this with a critical lens, part of why the Catholics in Japan are so seemingly hostile is because our main European viewpoint character is Blackthorne–who they rightly suspect to be an enemy agent. Blackthorne even makes a comment at the end of the series that throws into question everything he’s said about the Catholic Plots.]

A thing that newcomers should be aware of: this is not an action series. If you come into this story because you wanted to watch a bunch of samurai battles, welp, this is not for you. There is violence, certainly, and occasionally it is done with swords, and it is generally brutal when it occurs; however, there aren’t epic battles and duels every episode. Most of the show is about political maneuvering, with bits of violence, sometimes perpetrated against the self, in order to get different people in places where they’ll be advantageous or disadvantageous to our protagonists.

To make that work, there is so much impressive character work in the story. These actors are giving it their all to make these characters come to life, and act in ways that move the story forward while also remaining consistent. Because this is set in a society that has such restrictive social rules, a lot of what characters say isn’t as relevant as how they say it, and so I think careful viewers will be rewarded.

I should probably make a note about language: most of this show is in Japanese. There are parts that are in English (which in-universe is meant to signify Portuguese, the European language in Japan, which Blackthorne also speaks). You’re going to read a lot of subtitles while watching the series, unless you happen to speak Japanese. Apparently there were concerns that viewers wouldn’t like this, though considering the show’s success, those fears seem unwarranted. Supposedly, the dialogue is written in old-fashioned Japanese, though having no knowledge of the language I couldn’t really say.

Shogun has been compared to Game of Thrones, because that’s where we are as a culture, I guess–large fantasy/historical dramas that feature political maneuvering, violence, and sex are measured against the HBO show. I have seen a grand total of maybe four episodes of Game of Thrones, so I’m not qualified to judge the comparison entirely; still, I think given that it isn’t a fantasy setting, the story is based entirely on Japanese history, and there isn’t a war going on, that Shogun is a different show entirely, and also that we need to stop comparing everything remotely similar to Game of Thrones.

It is not a casual show to watch–it’s intense, there is violence, there is sex (though the show lingers on it less than some of its rival programs), and there is so much suspense in how things will play out. If you can accept that, though, Shogun is a rewarding experience with memorable, interesting characters, and an entire story contained within a season with near perfect pacing. 

It’s a really good show.

Mind you, I’m not sure they can keep up the momentum for another two seasons…

[plus-size-swag]

Okay, the results are in! Meet the competitors!

Round 1:

Big the Cat vs. Ultimate Imposter

Winner - BIG THE CAT 🎗

Eggman vs. Bark the Polar Bear

Winner - EGGMAN 🎗

Guillermo De la Cruz vs. Goobie Ballson

Winner - GUILLERMO DE LA CRUZ 🎗

Glimmer vs. Florence Papermouth

Winner - GLIMMER 🎗

Spinerella vs. Beetlejuice

Winner - BEETLEJUICE 🎗

Diane Nguyen vs. Barney Guttman

Winner - BARNEY 🎗

Iris Clops vs. Bee

Winner - BEE 🎗

Nadia McConnell vs. Faith Herbert

Winner - FAITH 🎗

Willow Park vs. Hunk

Winner - WILLOW 🎗

Grace Morningstar vs. Ana Sofia Flores

Winner - GRACE 🎗

Sadie Miller vs. Leshawna

Winner - LESHAWNA 🎗

Amethyst vs. Jasper

Winner - AMETHYST 🎗

Rose Quartz vs. Mystery Girl

Winner - ROSE 🎗

Snorlax vs. Garfield

Winner - SNORLAX 🎗

Jasminka Antonenko vs. Mr. Coco

Winner - JASMINKA 🎗

Tabitha vs. Gordie

Winner - GORDIE 🎗

Agent Valerie Day vs. Shaun Gilmore

Winner - VALERIE 🎗

Susanne vs. Joy Johnson

Winner - SUSANNE 🎗

Hazel vs. Abby

Winner - ABBY 🎗

Coach vs. Stu

Winner - STU 🎗

Vantage vs. Leota Adebayo

Winner - LEOTA 🎗

Vaux vs. The Gyoza Fairy

Winner - THE GYOZA FAIRY 🎗

Tanba vs. Murray

Winner - TANBA 🎗

Portia Devorak vs. Santa Claus

Winner - PORTIA 🎗

Henchman vs. Bob Velseb

Winner - HENCHMAN 🎗

Soos Ramirez vs. Bill Green

Winner - SOOS 🎗

Hard Man vs. Pigma Dengar

Winner - PIGMA

Tubby vs Ben Hanscom

Winner - TUBBY 🎗

Foggy Nelson vs. Toby Domzalski

Winner - TOBY 🎗

Miss Piggy vs. Dulia Chai

Winner - MISS PIGGY 🎗

Dru Blackthorn vs. Cannonball

Winner - DRU 🎗

Sam Black vs. Martha Dunnstock

Winner - MARTHA 🎗

Trisana Chandler vs. Hugo Reyes

Winner - TRISANA 🎗

Anna Hanyu vs. Tom Dupain

Winner - ANNA 🎗

Scorpia vs. Myléne Haprèle

Winner - SCORPIA 🎗

Tracy Turnblad vs. Muscle Man

Winner - MUSCLE MAN 🎗

Temeluchus vs. Wilfred Mott

Winner - TEMELUCHUS 🎗

Robert "Bob" Richards vs. Heymans Breda

Winner - HEYMANS 🎗

DJ Grooves vs. Witch of the Waste

Winner - WITCH OF THE WASTE 🎗

Toriel Dreemurr vs. Hideyoshi Ushiromiya

Winner - TORIEL 🎗

Alphys vs. E. Honda

Winner - ALPHYS 🎗

Goldewis Dickinson vs. Shirley Bennett

Winner - GOLDLEWIS 🎗

Cheng Sinzan vs. Charlotte Lola

Winner - CHENG 🎗

Miss Petunia vs. Po

Winner - PO 🎗

Maui vs. Aziraphale

Winner - MAUI 🎗

P.J. Pete vs. Melody Amaranth

Winner - MELPDY 🎗

Wario vs. Bowser

Winner - BOWSER 🎗

Russel Hobbs vs. Clarence Wendle

Winner - RUSSEL 🎗

Roadhog vs. Snow White (Red Shoes)

Winner - ROADHOG 🎗

Manpuku vs. Pacha

Winner - PACHA 🎗

Totoro vs. Ursula

Winner - URSULA 🎗

Bob Belcher vs. Fatgum

Winner - BOB 🎗

Round 2 / TBD

[draconscious]

@cursedmystic (continued from here)

Clair focuses on the playful Zorua stretching by her feet as Matsuba offers a predictably measured response, some of the tension draining from her shoulders upon hearing the fellow Gym Leader's thoughts.

As playful as he and his Pokemon could be sometimes, Matsuba had proven to be quite the dependable confidant whenever the need arose. (And in this moment, Clair is grateful for his listening ear. There's a feeling of relief as well, in knowing that she seemingly made the right decision to wander into her colleague's spectral realm.)

Still, it's surprising to hear that Matsuba has also been suffering from nightmarish afflictions. (If he can't control them, what hope does she have?) Clair turns to give him a quick once-over, face contorting slightly with concern as she takes in his tired gaze and sallow complexion. Subtlety has never been her strong suit.

Letting loose a hearty yawn that morphs into a sigh, Blackthorn's pride leans back against the flowers, azure hues squinting towards the cloudless sky.

"...I woke up in a Saffron hotel," she recollects after a hesitant pause. "The...the ceiling tore open, and all of these diseased Dratini started to fall on me. All of them infested with parasites." Clair gulps, blinking heavily as she recalls the terror of the moment. "I couldn't move. They kept raining down...they were burying me, and then--when I thought I would suffocate and die--I...I woke back up. Still exhausted. Like I hadn't slept at all."

Clair can't look at Matsuba anymore, her face flushed with equal parts shame and embarrassment. She usually isn't one to divulge her dreams like this, and her stubborn dragon's pride is roaring in protest.

But she needs to share this out. The vivid nightmare has been haunting her ever since, sitting like a crushing weight on her chest. Tired eyes take in the sky once more.

"I have been researching mutated Dratini recently. There's a lot of them near Goldenrod, where they're being regularly poached by Neo Rocket agents for sale at the Game Corner," she mutters, fists clenching at her sides. "I'm going to stop them. That's why I went to Saffron, to learn more about their original downfall...and Saffron is where I had the first nightmare."

"All of these things--the nightmares, the Saffron location, Neo Rocket involvement--seem to be connected. Somehow," Clair reasons, finally turning to peer back at Matsuba, gauging his reaction with her usual air of intensity. "Hm. What happened last October...do you think it's related to what's happening now?"

[straightbaittournament]

the option with the least votes will be eliminated. propaganda under the cut (and more always welcome!):

kit herondale and livvy blackthorn:

They were literally straight bait. So Kit, Livvy and Livvy’s twin brother Ty were a trio with their own side plots in TDA. And well. We literally meet Kit when Ty breaks into his house and puts a knife to his throat and Kit gets distracted by Ty’s eyes. Then later Kit and Livvy have a few moments and kiss once. Then Livvy dies. There are some necromancy shenanigans. Kit confesses his love to Ty then immediately flees the country. Like Kit/Ty was clearly endgame from the start but Livvy and Kit just made out once.

peggy carter and daniel sousa:

She’s the best secret agent, he’s a hot as hell disabled war vet They get together, but also don’t because apparently Steve Rogers is a homewrecker Peggy moved on after losing Steve, got together with the amazing Daniel Sousa, and then got broken up because the Russos didn’t want Steve to be seen as being gay for Bucky

nina zenik and matthias helvar:

[MAJOR SPOILER] If they were truly straight Matthias wouldn’t have died (submitted also stated that nina is canonically bi/pan)

buffy summers and spike:

Buffy's a vampire slayer and Spike's a vampire. Enemies to Lovers. Absolutely not intended by creators, creators treated it like a joke at first, then some of the writers/producers actively hated it even throughout their canon relationship, they don't technically get together in the end, also he dies (kind of. he's brought back in another show. and the comics. it's complicated). Very queercoded relationship despite being m/f - desire, euphoria, shame, slowburn, keeping it a secret, doesn't think anyone else will understand or accept them, wanting to change for the better.

ellie chu and paul munsky:

Classic set-up where they start off as strangers and become really close. He even has a crush on her! straightmod feels it's important to note that ellie is also canonically a lesbian, so there's a bait and switch element to this one

himmel and frieren:

https://official.lowee.us/manga/Sousou-no-Frieren/0030-015.png https://official.lowee.us/manga/Sousou-no-Frieren/0030-016.png https://official.lowee.us/manga/Sousou-no-Frieren/0030-017.png https://official.lowee.us/manga/Sousou-no-Frieren/0030-018.png https://64.media.tumblr.com/ccb9c16bab47d917d2e11dd22c9b88e7/828182d720d735af-ea/s500x750/210c55d7128139c2ce032383b34ad487df067514.jpg

jean-luc picard and beverly crusher:

They have a number of romantic moments throughout the TNG series from arguably the first but DEFINITELY the second episode. but they only get together (briefly before divorcing) in an alternate timeline episode which is also the season finale. Also they have a kid together in Picard but are still not allowed to be together She was married to his best friend and he was in love with her but wouldn’t say anything because he wouldn’t want to damage his bestie’s marriage and then his friend died and they met again years later and shared a lot of romantic and sexual tension for years. He openly admitted (under mind reading) that he had loved her since his bestie was alive but felt he couldn’t act on it. In an alternate future they got married. In the canon future they got together and broke up repeatedly because trauma makes relationships hard sometimes and they have a kid together who is named after the aforementioned bestie. An episode forcing them to share thoughts makes him openly admit that he loves her and has loved her for years even when she was married to his best friend.

tyler rake and nik khan:

They’re very close, have lots of chemistry, but have never been acknowledged in canon. At this point they are just work friends who save each others’ lives on the regular.

keiichi maebara and rena ryugu:

Fluffy harem romcom twists into yandere horror, but then twists again into a story of friendship triumphing over everything. Really holds for any pairing with Keiichi, but the rooftop battle in part 6 is just too good. A recent manga spinoff has them married to total randos, so their respective sons can have the same kind of relationship.

naoko takahashi and shouta oohara:

this “show” is a 2 episode hentai so I can understand if this doesn’t get in the brackets lol (I would not recommend watching this hentai for the sex scenes, I just remember reading about Oohara getting cucked for a girl and thinking that I had to see this) So, it starts off with Takahashi being in love with Oohara and they do have ghost sex in the first part of the episode 1 but what happens is that even though they have the opportunity to be together as ghosts, Takahashi pretty much IMMEDIATELY forgets about Oohara because she becomes completely infatuated with this ghost girl named Sakurako to the point where even when Oohara turns into a tiny penis in episode 2 but Takahashi doesn’t give a fuck

good luck everyone! now go vote!