#again im just ranting this just feels extremely online to me

[afro-elf]

you can ignore this!

[cconfusedkat]

Ok so um. Eventful first day. I have a blended schedule so i have short school days

Everyone is chill in algebra 1 nd academic literature ,,

History and english arw gonna be a bit of a problem cuz the 16-18 yr old boys are. Yknow. Probably gonna annoy me to death

And uhh homeroom is just homeroom

I masked really hard though nd came home sobbing just cuz im not gonna be used to masking again in a school setting,,

[barbatusart]

Apologizing beforehand for the rant, sorry I just read Rotten, and I thought you should know I feel... Touched? Understood? Our experiences definitely aren't the same in like- the slightest! I'm 19 now, and didn't grow up with web 1.5 (There's still horrific shit online ofc, and a lot of the weird shock stuff has persisted- I remember being on the bus in middleschool and sitting with the highschool kids and they'd be tossing around their iPhone whatevers with the classic ol' images/videos; 1 man 1 jar, bluewaffle, I think Mr. Hands was shown to me at some point? But never anything like the Funkytown video or, you know, anything with corpses) but I've still had this weird unhealthy relationship with death/gore. I won't get into it too much but I've really hated myself for that weird numbness/desensitization I've felt, and that ending bit where you just... Put into words how that's affected you felt great. I felt seen. It's just good to know you aren't alone, y'know? Anyways I just wanted to gush about your work. I read your Cazador Backstory Comic and then Attack Dog and I'm really just trying to absorb all the art from you (and Meanboss!!! I'm gonna read Sad Sack and Sortie eventually promise) that my budget will allow! Sorry again for the rambling I have classes in like 5 hours and should really sleep but I'm coming off that spring break high and it's not going great so. Love be unto ye. Continue making cool stuff. It really rocks.

absolutely honored & humbled by this message, i left it in the inbox for a couple days cus i had to sit and think on it for a bit.

thank you tremendously for your words 🙏🏻 the internet is still a horrible wild west, but im genuinely relieved to hear that the popularity of “shock videos” that us millennials had to go through has been decreasing. i will admit ive always been worried for genZ & alpha in that regard, so im always really happy to hear that the worst of it has been rejected by younger people for the most part - outliers here & there sure but nobody should be be watching that stuff young or old imo.

and thank you so much for your interest in our other work! i will say, Please take the content warnings on SAD SACK and SORTIE very seriously - sads in particular is an angry & hyperviolent work, so we did our best to make as thorough of a list of content warnings as possible so people signing up for the thrill ride know exactly what to expect. all the same, it’s heavy & is (and i cant stress this enough) an Extremely angry piece - if the CW list seems like it’s going to be too much, by all means please save your money!!!

[minnie-shifts]

i’ve never posted on here before (and honestly probably never will again) but i kinda need to rant to someone, so why not send it off to the black hole of tumblr?

so i’m a reality shifter, but like… very inexperienced. i have minishifted once, to the maze runner but that was back in 2020/21… anyways i started to make more serious attempts probably around november 2023.

i have been extremely close to shifting before hearing sounds, seeing light etc. but never actually shifted (besides tmr).

where im getting to is… i think i shifted here? before, i couldn’t really understand why someone might come to my reality (my … or ig? it’s basically the same as here), but i get it now. I shifted here on accident.

i saw a post on here last night, i can’t really remember what was said but someone shifted a few times under the premise of “there’s a 50% chance that i’ll go to *insert place* and there’s a 50% that i’ll go to a reality similar to this”. (i forgot what post i saw, but i was really inspired by it lol).

i ended up giving it ago, affirming that there’s a 50% chance i’ll end up in one of my drs but there’s also a 50% that i’ll shift to a reality similar to my own (i was also motivated because i have assessments i don’t wanna do lol)

i didn’t really do a method, i only focused on my breathing and that affirmation then rolled over and went to bed. (which is strange, i’m an awake method girly yk?)

anywho, morning comes around and i go about my day as normal. though, i found that i look.. bigger? like i have gained a bit of weight and my voice is slightly deeper. i also just have this underlying feeling in my gut that something has changed.

like normally when i have a ‘failed’ attempt i try to convince myself i actually shifted to a reality exactly the same but not this time. i’m actually trying to convince myself i didn’t shift, which just.. seems so impossible. my gut is telling me i shifted. my whole body feels out of place.

NOTE: i also seem more.. confident? i randomly cut my own bangs (never wanted to do that), and im posting on here?? (i have severe online anxiety 😭)

i doubt that anyone is reading BUT if there is someone, i’ll try to shorten this up :)

so, fast forward about… almost three hours ago? i went to my sister’s room and told her about how i might of shifted here. for context, my sister is also a shifter (she’s probably shifted maybe 4-5 times?) and the person i tell everything too.

we start to ask each other questions. everything is starting to add up until we started talking about shifting. i mentioned that she has a ZB1 dr (a kpop group) where her s/o is Jungwon and i swear by this. she like leans back confusedly and goes “minn, i’ve never even thought about a ZB1 dr.. or Jungwon being my s/o, Heeseung’s my bias”.

I sit there in shock, this was the first indicator that something is up. I ask her about SVT (my fav kpop group), she says her bias is Jeonghan and my bias is Vernon (wrong btw, my bias is Woozi and her bias is china line like???).

My sister and i are really close, especially around shifting. so i started asking her about her shifting experience. THENN i started talking about an inside joke we have from a dr she has… she had no clue what i was talking about. Which is fucking crazy because we mention it ALL THE TIME!!! even out of shifting or non-kpop related stuff like???

i dunno what the purpose of this is. if you read this, thank you :) i’m feeling kind of weird, coming to terms that i actually left my original reality. i think i might try to shift to my main dr after i post this.

i guess i’m kinda missing my sister even though she’s in a different room lol or technically across the multiverse?? i dunno

[electricpurrs]

aaaaagh im so upset. i dont want people to leave. i dont want my mutuals and friends to leave. i dont want the artists i like to leave. i dont want to leave but i dont want to be here alone. ive been here for 6 years and everything ive made and liked is here. all the people i care about the most, the only place ive ever made any friends or found any comfort or community. its so extremely overdramatic of me but i feel continuosly more and more anxious like losing tumblr would be losing part of myself. and i know its like this for me because its all that i have. when my real life is horrible and empty and lonely and i dont have any friends or know any other queer people and stay online too much because have nowhere to go or nothing to do, i assumed tumblr would just be the one and only stable thing i had. now im worried anytime a mutual might move to another site ive never heard of and ill never see them again, or if its over ill myself have to move to 46 other sites and start it all over again from zero and i knowwwwww thats also an overdramatic problem to have but for me i keep getting anxious and distressed like im losing everything forever. i just wish one thing would stay fine for a moment yknow. i just wish i could have something to hold on to. okay rant is over sorry ive been feeling like shit

[mangoposts]

OK STAWP i’m the one who posted the alahna rant and i saw someone say they hated madi , i didn’t know if i was safe here BUT

by no means do i hate or dislike her BUT I DO THINK that girl is too serious sometimes like

like also her online presence too becoming so mysterious and stuff like i get that she wants privacy but alahna is just like so raw and real like I JUST LOVE HER

idk in the vids w madi the vibes aren’t 💯 (they’re still good vids but) like that’s what i was trying to say in a very nice way like with alahna it just seems so much more fun like u guys just DONT GET ITT

like pls the alahna vids are soo chill and natural and i feel like with madi it’s kinda (forced isn’t the right word but i can’t think of anything else) like yes they’re close friends but like

i really don’t know how to explain it it’s like the way they act with each other?? and i’m aware we’ve only seen what’s on camera and we have no idea what happens behind the scenes but i’m just comparing the on camera relationships

i could talk about this for days but like with alahna, the friendship was so like comfortable like the type of friendship where they would like swear at each ither and call each other names and stuff (as close friends do like u know they’re not being fr), but then with madi it just looks more surface level (again i’m not saying they’re not close but LIKE ITS SOO DIFFERENT) like they’re just nicer? or being more like refrained

i hope this makes sense i’m trying so hard to put my thoughts into words😭😭

Idk i think Nick is extremely close with Madi it’s just not put online as much, he talks about her in podcasts all the time, knows everything about her, has a matching tattoo with her, has her photo framed in his bedroom. Like definitely they have a real genuine friendship, he does pick on her and try to play with her a lot as well. But that’s just Nick, i know Chris and Matt also like Madi and i feel like it’s because they know they can trust her. But obviously they aren’t as close with her the way Nick is. Definitely they were ALL closer with alahna and their relationship was much different since they were kids and they spent more time growing up together. But i do think Nick is almost equally as close to Madi the way he was alahna.

A part of me feels like they’re not trying to make the same mistakes of the past by putting too much of their friendships online, since that’s probably the main reason of what drove them and alahna apart and they don’t want history to repeat itself 🤷🏻‍♀️ Im not sure, im not Madi’s fan or anything but i just don’t think the idea of Nick/the boys not being close with her is true

[terraliensvent]

multiple ppl close to kinah were able to verify that they were in the hospital recovering when the attempt happened. all of those ppl could not collab and lie so one person could get “extra attention” in ur words. Im frustrated with terra staff aswell but that doesn’t mean its ok now to call someones suicide attempt fake so ur feelings seem more valid. I find that extremely sickening. U have zero evidence or good reason for doubt or else u would have vented about it already. all u have is ur feefees. u do need therapy. And mod pls stop validating baseless speculation on smth so serious. what happened 2 people needing proof for claims like this

alright yeah im deleting kinah asks now

first off i dont think that people should just believe whatever they read on the internet, because you dont know who these people are irl. again, thats not to say that you shouldnt give support where you can or that you should make public callouts saying that it was all fake when you dont know for sure, BUT at the same time theres a level of speculation regardless because its the fucking internet. people are wild, people are strangers, and there is a non zero chance that people could have lied. just because people have a level of speculation on something they read online, that doesnt mean they need therapy and it doesnt mean theyre a bad person, it means they have a brain. if YOU want to believe it without a shadow of a doubt then thats fine, and if other people have some doubt thats also fine, just dont go out of your way to fucking bother people because thats just unnecessary.

second off, i need proof for accusations like “so and so is posting feral” or “so and so is an abuser,” saying things like “the way that kinah bounced back into cs makes me speculate” isnt an accusation.

the views of the anons i post here arent reflective of my own views, and if something is a problem i give my own input on it in my response. when i created this blog i didnt want to delete asks because i feel like that controls a narrative and makes me an unreliable narrator when it comes to these discussions. if people want to talk about things like this, i didnt want to force silence because thats not how you hold a discussion.

as an additional note: anons have been becoming increasingly aggressive in my inbox, whether its towards one another or towards myself. i implore all of you to stop being so aggressive, stop making assumptions, and stop playing this holier than thou card. so much of the art and cs community is made up of people who will virtue signal and place themselves on a moral pedestal and my inbox is the last place for that. if you want to rant and complain, go ahead, but stop acting like youre better than each other because you have the Correct Opinion on everything and believe everything you read on the internet.

my final thoughts on this are as follows: there is a non zero chance that everyone is lying. is it a small chance? sure. does this mean we should spread the narrative that it was all fake? no. are you a horrible person who should die in a fire because you dont 100 percent believe that the attempts were real? no, but also dont go out of your way to be an asshole because of that belief. i think we should all publicly operate under the assumption that the attempts were real. if you want to privately speculate, go fucking wild. could kinah going back into cs and making stuff for terras possibly be bad for their mental health? maybe. but also, its none of our business. and thats what im ending this topic with, a lot of this shit really is just none of our business and i think you all give way too much of a fuck about someone who you will never know irl.

i dont dislike kinah, in fact i actually really liked them when they were on staff for terras. but at some point we all gotta throw our arms up and say why is this taking up so much of my brain power when this person is just someone i follow on fucking toyhouse.

we are done with asks about kinahs attempt now, unless anyone has important info or something new to say im deleting them.

[moedollita]

pet peeve

sorry this post just turns into insane ranting garble i start sounding like im 12 , theres nothing of substance to read

this is something insanely stupid and even hypocritical of me to get annoyed at , but i absolutely cannot stand it when people online pretend like they're more mentally ill than they are . i hate when people put some sort of mental illness wordsalad in their bios like ' jirai ' , ' landmine girl ' , ' menhera ' i hate when people obviously try to act like ame / kangel after playing NSO or some other fictional character when they were absolutely nothing like them before . they practically brag about being mentally ill and then only showcase the same 5 symptoms that are insanely fetishized and none of the 100 others that aren't as ' cute ' . it makes me lose my mind . it feels like such a disgusting mockery it makes me want to rip my skin open . i cant stand even imagining anyone could see these shitty obvious yandere larp posts and put op on the same level as someone whos actually struggling . just this unbridled rage festers inside of me you dont know what its like stop fucking quoting anime characters so you can achieve some aesthetic go fuck yourself

i hate it because i hate myself and i hate the things i do , witnessing someone grift on the KAWAII DESU symptoms while im on a private twitter account typing the most disgusting unforgivable things i can possibly conjure up about the people i love because of how angry i feel over something so idiotically , stupidly minuscule like an actual fucking child . i cant make a single friend in my life because im genuinely so terrified of people and their intentions with me that when i somehow make a friend i genuinely think that they're only playing some long con because they want to ruin my life . im so lonely but i legitimately cannot handle having friends because they can say ANYTHING and my mind will twist it to some insane act of pure hatred against me and then my hands are shaking and i cant focus on anything for the next few hours and i cant stop crying and cutting myself and im planning extensively how to tell them i cant be friends with them because i just cant take it anymore and oh nevermind suddenly im fine again . but at the same time if someones too nice all the time my fucking brain will start losing interest in them because apparently i NEED them to pull away from me and be a fucking asshole to me because im some sort of insane emotional masochist !!! i cant speak my mind with anyone even if they're obviously in the wrong and being mean to me when ive done nothing because i just know they're going to leave if i reciprocate with any sort of pushback so i just ghost them instead which makes the situation even more complicated or i have some sort of tantrum where i accuse them of the most schizotypal shit instead of actually discussing it like a normal person . its actually indescribable how embarassing it is to retain that " my parents didnt buy me candy so they hate me " mindset from when i was 8 years old all the way until 15 . and everything with me has to be some sort of extreme . i cant even like something normally i have to be obsessed with it to an emotionally deteriorating degree . i cant feel somewhat bad about something it had to feel like my world is ending and that ill never be happy again . why am i fucking feeling like this because of the sub count of a VTUBER . and then all of life is just a cycle of yearning for shit and feeling bad for myself " why cant i do this why cant i be better at this you can either be bad or a prodigy and im not a prodigy and i dont care if im 15 i need to be better than 28 year olds at this or else im a total fucking failure " and i fucking bet you if i would ever reach that prodigy status i would feel absolutely nothing about it and my brain would latch unto the next thing to feel bad about " ok well im not good at * that * i need to be good at * that * it doesnt matter if im good at * this * anyone can be good at * this * i need to be good as * that * as well " . it is legitimately either all or nothing with me and i cant stand either of those options . i hate feeling empty and i hate being obsessed with someone to the point of emotional spiraling 5 times a day but there can never be an inbetween option . im intensely angry about everything

and the most insanely retarded part about all of this , is that given the choice i wouldnt want to get better . this is all that i am . i am nothing without this disorder . if i dont have this disorder nobody will care about me or be gentle with me anymore . i will forever mentally be a child that only wants someone to take care of them and if i dont have this disorder there will be nothing to take care of . nobody will care . but heres the kicker ; nobody cares already . strangers are gentle with me because i have a sad look in my eyes but thats all there is . i just cant bring myself to actually talk about what i go through . all anyone sees is that im energetic and then suddenly sad within an single second interval or that i just stare ahead at shit like a zoo animal or that i cut myself sometimes . i cant even fully bring up and elaborate on extremely heavy topics that i go through on twitter or on this blog because it feels so wrong to imagine someone connecting something as dark as that with * me * . i want attention but i dont talk about shit . i dont want to talk about shit . i already utterly despise seeing the look people get in their faces when they somehow catch a glimpse at my sh scars or for gods sake fucking mentions it to me " dont do that to yourself " please dont worry about me and make me feel like a horrible burden when im trying my hardest to seem okay so i can be an enjoyable person to be around . having a person worried about someone as disgustingly rotted , parasitic and inhuman as me is the worst thing to inflect on someone , its like feeling bad for a dying cockroach . i mean just read the first part of this ramble to see how shitty of a person i am where i exaggerate my symptoms to make myself look like i suffer more than other people and put down anyone who dares to express their symptoms differently

[billiessillywife]

hii angel! i missed you so much im so sorry for being very inactive but i promise whenever i do- i always leave you a message so trust me you ARE a priority in my tumblr life </3 kaif helk ya qalbi?? today was especially a bad day so im just ranting but yk thats life with intrusive thoughts and traumatizing childhood experiences!! im still on my journey to visit these memories and try to heal 5-17 year old me. thats kind of an update just in case im busy and cant come to reply if you ask me how im doing. alhamdullilah Allah makes me feel better whenever i make extra dua'as and also knowing ppl like you and my moots (and my most important- wife) exist fndjjdjdjc. i was a huge fan of The Marías for a long time and when they released Heavy i never thought id think quite of someone until i revisited your acc today and it clicked in me how much uou remind me of it. i wanted to know i was htinking of you for a bit and also ana behebak ikteerrrr wallah and inshallah we spend our eids happily its so close by!!

im a huge overthinker with terrible insomnia and i would love that anytime i listen to Heavy and smile, ill think of you. im so happy i got to know you and even if theres so much we have never talked about, you make me feel related to and ill always appreciate that jannahti. shukran kteer for every compliment youve ever given me and once again i apologize for not being so in touch. i have become accustomed to not being so much online but i would for you and my other wonderful mutuals </3 i hope you sleep well tonight and have delicious suhoor. you deserve the warmest hug and softest hands to hold. sleep well, pretty face.🤍

OMGGGG hi hayati ,

thank you so much for ur constant beautiful messages bamoot feeky bgd walahy , i’m always here to listen to u and i’m so sorry for ur day inshallah tomorrow is going to treat you well habibii. i’m always so grateful for u and trust me i’ll always keep u in my duaa alongside my wife too jehdhdbdhdhd .

i’ve just acc started listening to the marias loke a month ago i stumbled upon no one noticed and since then i’ve been hooked THEYRE LITERALLY SO GOOD and the fact that u say i remind u of them is so special to me also HEAVY IS A BANGER walahi.

always always know leeky okht w sahba here on tumblr whenever u have time i’m here to listen had3eelek habibi the first step is to acknowledge everything ur going through and for that i’m genuinely so proud of you and im right there for u every step of the way .

ana elhamdullah i’m okay ramadan went by so fast eid is next week which is bizarre ??? but i think i’ll be visiting my family and spending the week with them i LOOOVE eid so it’s exciting also eid mubarak to u and the rest of ur loved ones.

and the fact that u take time from ur day to send me messages mean a lot to me you’re so anazing and special habibity thank you so much ik abt ur overthinking js know kol emoor f eed allah mesh hayseebak abadan and im here as i said always. ana kaman bardo i’ve been dealing w the constant overthinking this past week but trust ma3aki nas beyhebooky w beye3zooky its all going to be okay i promise .

also i’ve veen really worried abt uni submissions loweky i have no idea whats gonna happen bas i hope to allah ill pass 😭. elhamdullah tho i think uk bout my wife too which i’m so extremely thankful for her ana bgd bahebha b shakl like my own kalam can never describe how i feel she’s the light of my day if that makes sense i always want to take our all the pain she experiences and put it in my body .

i’m literally tearing up ur message made my day omg ;( keteeeeeeer bahebek hayati till ur next message isa stay safe ya albi and have an amazing day when u wake up i love you angel<33

[corbytheking]

I may have a friend see this.

But I've lost some friends today. They justified written cp. Then others justified racism and white washing of their PoC characters. We tried to resolve it all yet all of them see themselves as the victims. As their grown ass selves, they sat and whined when we explained written cp is not good. Then an even bigger fit when confronted about being racist. I tried so hard. They were all my friends and even admittedly, I almost tried to look past it.

But I couldnt. My morals couldn't.

I feel so heartbroken and betrayed that some.of these people that I've known for years ended up being like this. Saying that their racism wasn't actually racism. Even after we sent links to explain.

God.im just so angry and so sad. I hope they change and we can be friends again. At least I have hope for one of them. The others I'm okay with never seeing again. I've been shaking from adrenaline all day. But im not the victim. The victim are the people they hurt because of their views and then their refusal to change.

Defending written CP?? Saying their racist views and harmful stereotypes arent racist when they in the same breath say they arent going to change even when people were hurt by these views and stereotypes?

I never rant in public spaces. I never see the need to. Especially about private matters. But I know it's further than me now and has been burning further out.

It takes a lot, I like to think, to make me this extremely hurt and angry. I am way more of a forgiving person than I should be.

It has all made me feel even more helpless.

I even told them all in confidence before how I had kept getting hurt emotionally, mentally and physically by others I let into my life and tried to be vulnerable with. Then they turn out to be people that did the same. That hurt me. That made me think i could be vulnerable. I know i was an idiot and i know im far from the only one hurt.

Genuinely. I dont want to interact with people again. Online or irl.

I dont know what to do with these feelings and i dont know how to be okay.

I wanted them all to be better and change for the better for themselves and everyone that considered them friends.

I was an idiot. I've been an idiot to think I could make friends and have good ones and not be hurt.

I know i was the idiot. Im still more hurt than I was when my mom kept telling me to leave her damn house because of whatever. I dont know. I dont have a therapist anymore and this hurt is next level and i don't know how to handle it.

I guess I just want some of them to know that I have a seething hatred and anger for them. But one of them im still mourning and crying over the loss.

[gayduramboros]

stressed rant you dont need to read

How the fuck can people just talk i don't understand at all. I've joined so many discord servers, i follow different tags on here and I joined two or three communities when those became a thing, but I absolutely for the life of me cannot feel confident in posting anything there ever. I look at the posts and sruff people send and it's not always high effort or anything. And I don't say that to insult those people, I enjoy that there's no high standards for little hobby things. But it just makes me extremely upset for some reason when I see someone on one of the crafty communities I look at occasionally to post a picture of some buttons or scraps or whatever and say "what should I do with these?" Or something. Like that sounds so natural, it sounds like a person talking. I could never talk like that irl or online it's so fucking frustrating that it looks so simple, like when people speak they usually use few and the same couple of words, so it really shouldn't be hard for me to talk like that but I just simply cannot figure out the correct order to put the fucking words in. And i could post stuff and pictures in those communities, I do like making crafty stuff and again, it's not like you're only allowed to post if you're some top shit talented artist, it's just about having a common interest, but I think I literally could not sleep for a day if I exposed myself in that way. I get it now, this is how people make "internet friends", by actually participating in common interest spaces. And funny, usually the stereotype is that the person who is an introverted loner irl has lots of online friends they feel close to and do stuff with. What the fuck do you call a person incapable of making human connections even online?? Where it's supposed to be easier? somehow????? Ok i think I've squeezed out my brain successfully, I was gonna say I'm gonna try to post something on one of the communities but my brain just hit back against that idea so hard I might be sick. If you read this no you didnt ok, i don't really want people to know im a pathetic pile of human waste ok, it just feels good for some reason to post this somewhere someone *could potentially* read it ok it's like screaming into a loud void

[cconfusedkat]

vent/rant! I want to place this down here because my mind has been. Awful? Whenever I'm fatigued, i fear,

Just ranting about an ex friend ruining my life So ,, nothing too major

Everytime I get worried for being self centered and apologize for it, I then think back to 2023 when my ex friend witnessed me haing a psychotic episode and being paranoid (at the time) about my assaultor and seeing her at a school club thought my vent was about HIM, so he started to cuss me out and say bullshit like "and that's why i still follow your assaultor to make you mad 😂😂" then continued to shit talk me + make fun of me for having extreme paranoia about my ex and calling me ugly and stupid

I have never met a more self centered prick in my life than him. He genuinely considered me the villain in his history because he thought my pscyhosis episode triggered by the thought of seeing my assaultor in the same room with me was about himself

He continously talked bad about me and then thought i was spreading rumors about him and he only made everything worse by calling the police on me not even once but twice, the first time being when we used to be friends and when he was worried i did suicide,, but the second time being when me and him were both in the same room in said school club. I ignored him and didnt look his way one bit because he didnt deserve to be acknowledged by me for what hes done to ruin my life :'-) then the morning after he calls the cops (while i was asleep so i didnt know what reason he used at that time) and i was in trouble,, Again

by the bottom of my heart, as i pray everyday for my familys well being, i also hope that Allah gets him back. I dont care that it was mental illness that encouraged his actions. He made fun of me for being paranoid person because of his continous online stalking he did for three months straight which lead me to stop using instagram

And im sure he uses a different story everytime.. 🫠🫠 i hope hes forgotten about me by now, but i will never forget what hes done. I can forgive but not forget. May god get him back and make sure he understands that making a girl even more paranoid for months on end wasnt the best way to go about his issues

ya allah, thank you for protecting me from him and him forgetting about me. I am happy to know I'll never see him nor be in contact with him again. peace upon him but he will get his karma, you dont mess with a group of muslims who pray everyday for our safety 😭......

It feels better to get this off my chest. The said assaultor i learned to not be so paranoid of anymore, and she shares the mutual thought of not wanting to be friends

I admit ive had more frequent nightmares about a lot of my ex friends but its mainly because of my declining physical health,, i get more paranoid and anxious when fatigued so episodes hit me like a truck

[bun-latte]

Im going to be honest here...i dont like when people have characters from horror games or unsettling creatures/art in their "DNI" banners at the bottom of agere posts.

Rant below

I understand that the "horror" genre of video games (and subsequently other media) has ... weirdly been glommed onto by kids who grew up when this became popular amongst youtubers (I'm talking specifically about FNAF).

It was never intended for children, but when children showed interest, they started to make merchandise for kids, bc, well, kids are extremely profitable bc theyre good at asking their parents for things repeatedly, and spreading the word to their friends and interacting with the IP online.

To make things clear: i do not fault people who grew up in that era for liking, enjoying, or finding comfort in horror games like FNAF.

However, it really does put me off and make me block more people than id like, when going thru the agere tag and seeing these characters...*who canonically ATE children* ...."protect" the blog from "unpleasant people."

I get it, like, everyone develops differently and everyone attatches to certain characters, but sometimes i really wish that characters from well known games where children (have somewhat become) the target audience AND (in game) victims...weren't plastered all over random moodboard posts.

I guess i just feel old? And im not here to police what you do -- this is ur blog, ur interests, ur internet space. But i personally find horror genre games to be...scary. not comforting, not quirky, not fun. So seeing them on every single one of someones posts (this is not a vague, im too old to be doing dumb shit like that) just. It pulls me out of agere space bc now im scared.

Im definitely not saying we all need to have dni banners that have barney and blues clues on them, but I just wish...there were other forms of media we could collectively agree on is good for kid friendly spaces. Just bc you dont have images of gore on ur posts...having a dni banner (against gore ironically) with a animatronic that *eats kids* sort of...brings up the mental image of just that.

Im not here to yell at anyone, im not here to police, and i definitely above all else, dont want to censor things to make them more palatable for just me and only me, but its just. Its frustrating. Ill be happily looking at stuff in the tag, see a FNAF character and then be spooked again.

I think this COULD be solved by tagging know horror game characters in the actual tags of the post? I do have the FNAF tag blocked amongst other things, but then I worry people would be upset when the post content does not contain fnaf, just in the DNI banner.

Sigh, anyway sorry, vent over.

[southofeerie]

modern west wing social media hcs

i feel like charlie would have the most normal social media acct and following, like maybe an instagram where he posts pictures of himself (mostly for family), and like a twitter where he occasionally retweets his friends or bartlet. he likes making fun of other people (especially senior staff) for being too stuck to their devices, and a large online presence would take away that ability

CJ’s twitter is less incendiary than she’d like, since she’s the face of the bartlet administration, and so a lot of it is discussing policy or clarifying briefings. she does retweet a lot of good edu sites or interesting articles she finds. she herself trends a lot, she’s pretty famous online as a political icon ala AOC or bernie sanders, and she gets a lot of edits made online from press conferences (which she enjoys bragging abt to the other staff, while making fun of them for being out-of-touch). CJ also has a private instagram that hogan had her make, but she only posts extremely blurry pictures of coffee and her goldfish with captions like “hogan said to post to remind people that im alive”. toby always replies with “sending the pictures to MOMA. breathtaking” and danny replies with “breaking news. press secretary reveals she is still alive. more at 7”.

leo does not have social media because he still has a flip phone and a brick laptop. he says he prefers hearing bad news out loud or reading it on physical paper, but really, he just can’t figure out how to work it. im talking types “google” into google, then types “hello find me a map of the united states of america” in the search bar. margaret tried to help but seeing him type google into google physically pained her

josh is banned from twitter (after he pissed off three midwestern states, basket weavers, and most hollywood producers in the first week in office). cj regularly checks to make sure he hasn’t made a new account. he has a public instagram, but cj looks over captions before he posts (he once tried to ask the president for permission to get a new account but the president sided with cj). most of his posts are about encouraging people to vote or be more politically active. he is also not allowed to reply to comments on the instagram, so he reads them out loud in a mocking voice to donna. unbeknownst to him, there is a white house deputy chief of staff twitter page run by donna (with cj’s permission) that discusses white house initiatives and shares fun anecdotes abt day to day work. anytime someone tells josh they love his twitter account he assumes they mean instagram, and nobody tells him until bartlet is two years out of office

donna, like charlie, has an instagram mostly for her family back home, but also has a twitter where she talks about tv shows she likes and her hobbies, that has a decent following. she might have a tumblr but again it would be abt tv shows and hobbies she has

toby is on goodreads and instagram (but only to leave sarcastic comments on his friends’ posts). he hates twitter’s word count limit and how it’s owned by elon musk, and rants abt it often. he leaves lengthy reviews on any political commentary article in the comments section. this has been brought up in the briefing room, to the point where cj has a recording of herself saying “toby ziegler’s online rants are not indicative of president bartlet’s views. if you have any questions please direct them to ziegler himself”

president bartlet has facebook </3. there’s a white house twitter page run by an intern, but he’s not involved with that. he posts fun facts about national parks or ancient latin novels, but each fact starts with something like “joshua lyman, 🧍‍♂️deputy chief of staff, 🇺🇸doesn’t understand the true beauty of yellowstone national park 🙄🏞🏜🤦‍♂️”. most people think it’s a parody account and cj doesn’t want to correct them

abbey does not have facebook, despite her husbands insistence that it’s better than twitter. on the rare occasions she uses her account it’s mostly to discuss important medical breakthroughs and her daughter’s work

sam has a really popular instagram, where he posts selfies and pretty pictures of the white house and captions like “having a great day at work today!” or “white house at sunset.. gorgeous”. he posts on his story a lot, and comes off as very relatable to the public. he’s cj’s dream social media user

will bailey runs campaign social medias pretty well but his own twitter account is mostly for promoting the campaigns. occasionally he retweets stuff his friends post, or tweets out funny jokes he hears.

margaret is tumblr famous, but never posts abt her job. her posts regularly wind up on other sites. she hasn’t told anybody and doesn’t plan to

[dykeza]

FILENAME: I despise thee, who holds thine heart within his fist.

NOTES: ITS FINALLY DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS DONE ITS OVER WITH GODLESS ANIMAL/DARLING ADORED/I DESPISE THEE YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD, ive tried to conceptualize this piece for WEEKS, i actually planned on posting it aishin -> urazen -> urashin BUT i cannot help myself i had to give the people (me and the other urashin enjoyers) something to chew on. Originally, this piece wasn't supposed to look like this At All it was supposed to be much more..... idk, boring. It looked boring and had too much going on (RIP rope you shall not be missed).

Then, one night recently, I was like "what if it was a hug." because WHAT IF it was a HUG. This composition feels much more on par w/ this series, extremely close glimpses of saints and tragedy holding each other close, studying and committing the moment to memory. Just in case.

But back to this piece solely, I knew in my second concept (which i didnt post) that i wanted to incorporate the cross seals from Godless Animal, both as a "fuck you get sealed" and also as a catalyst for being completely and totally Enraptured with someone. The slight difference is of course Kisuke stabbing himself And Aizen, which is mostly just symbolism about how much Kisuke devalues and objectifies himself. He is not a person, a victim of circumstance; he is a defective shield, something rusted and shattering at the slightest strain, and he has failed to do his job. I covered Aizen's face because i didnt want to draw it, tbfh..... but it can also be a callback to Shinji's mask in the other two pieces. ONE THING, however, that i'm v proud of is the hogyoku (im on desktop so excuse my no-accent writing), as it stands in for the halos/suns found in the other pieces. Nothing about two-way subjugation and submission is holy, this piece is not one of silent dissection (godless animal), and not one of blind reverence (darling adored). Its one of desperation and Apology. Idk. its the last installation so im a little sentimental HAHAHHA.

Working on these pieces, conceptualizing new ways to consume and create these characters was so fun. I had so much fun creating these works without really talking about them or their process, simply creating and putting out little subsections of my art. I don't work digitally very often, and i dont use color (besides hues of gray) in my traditional work, so when i get the chance i really try to exercise my color theory brain. Rose x Kanaya colors, im not sorry. goth Freudian-slip girl to aizen enjoyer pipeline is REAL and i am a victim of it.

Genuinely, thank you for all the notes and comments on my other pieces, both from this collection and just towards my art and writing in general. I get so excited to read all of your comments and notes and reblogs, it does so much for my drive to create. If it weren't for some close friends and mutuals, I don't know if I'd even post my work online for anyone except myself and the..... lemme check......... ONE THOUSAND AND FIFTY-THREE OF YOU WHO FOLLOW ME. what the FUCK. Anyways, this rant is getting too long and i have GOTTTT to post this soon so i can acquire sweet sweet sweet compliments on it tbh. I love you all and again thank you <3 - DYKEZA

[llicorice]

ok no actually. ranting under the cut

do you have any idea what i endured to get to this state? because this disorder is formed when you experience childhood trauma extreme enough that your brain isnt able to solidly form a single personality and is instead broken into different parts, creating alters. this disorder goes hand in hand with CPTSD you cant have one without the other, i have to deal with constant derealization, dissociation, flashbacks, panic attacks etc etc etc and people STILL water it down to the silly alter disorder and genuinely think of the demonization in media as an accurate representation INCLUDING MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS???? like when i told my therapist she said "oh like split i love that movie" are you SERIOUS???? i see medias get "cancelled" online constantly for things like misrepresentation of autism and spreading misinformation but i have never once seen someone call out danganronpa for its extreme mistreatment of dissociative identity disorder. the blatent demonization of a system in that media is disgusting and nobody EVER talks about it????? like ik we are extremely fictive heavy and it can seem fun that we're peoples "favorite characters" and we have memories of our sources, but in reality its because we are psychotic, autistic, and physically unable to cope with reality, we genuinely would be considered "clinically insane" if that was still a term bc i have no baseline for what is and isnt reality im not remotely joking about that btw. (and if people could stop misusing the word delusional thatd be nice)

it also pisses me off that people cant seem to understand the fact that systems are not here for entertainment and our brain is coping in the same way yours is just more extreme, people constantly fakeclaim systems for having lots of fictives then they turn around and have comfort characters, like you do know thats part of what a lot of fictives are right? being there for comfort, familiarity, your brain knows you like that thing so it puts it in your head to help you feel better. because again, its a trauma disorder?? people just dont seem to remember that systems are extremely traumatized individuals whos system is an extreme coping mechanism and not just a silly accessory, and i rly wish information was more widespread and coming from actual professionals or systems. anyways rant over yada yada system rambling blah blah blah nyco out

EDIT THE SAME GOES FOR NPD ITS A TRAUMA DISORDER IM NOT AN ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT BC I DONT HABE NORMAL FEELIMGS IM STILLA PERSON OK BYEEEEEEE

i wish ppl would stop treating DID like the silly alter disorder when its actually pain suffering and agony disorder