#again i have personally never seen these issues on tumblr i have seen them on twitter and tiktok and i will not tolerate it spreading

[hexhaywire-updates]

Hex's stream made me want to talk about this issue :)

While the Sickling community on Tumblr is small and quiet, and I personally have not witnessed any issues (and trust me, I am more active than you realize), I am very aware of the problematic nature of the Twitter and TikTok communities (the entire Nijisanji EN community as a whole is quite problematic on TikTok & Twitter, if we're honest). So I want to remind others, it is okay and normal to block other people on social media. If it wasn't "okay" it wouldn't be a feature, and if someone takes blocking as a personal offense, then they are someone who needs to be blocked. The internet is not the real world, and always be aware of the fact that people on the internet do not know you, and you do not know them. *Don't take that as a "parasocial = EVIL" and/or you shouldn't develop love/care for others online, take it as a reminder of safety and self protection!

[lu-is-not-ok]

*rises from the grave*

*trips and falls flat on my face*

Heyyyy, it's ya boy, your favorite chronically exhausted Hong Lu identity that forgor about posting to Tumblr. Hi. Hello.

So. Timekilling Time, huh? Very fun, very exciting, we love focusing on Sinners that are misunderstood both in and out of character. We love Rodya, Hong Lu, and Ryoshu focus. We love Ryoshu's butch mustache swag.

Anyway, allow me yap about it a bit, because I took frame by frame screenshots of the teaser and I haven't yapped on Tumblr in a while. I'll also give a general update on how I've been doing at the end of the post for those who are interested.

The first thing I've noticed in the teaser is Dante actually lays out the exact traits that their choice of Sinners would need. These being (exact wording):

Someone who can support Dante

Someone who can remain laser-focused on the case

Someone who can be free from biased judgement while making rational, quick spur-of-the-moment decisions

In other words, we need Sinners who will help Dante out, are able to stay focused, and who can think on their feet without relying on their own internal biases.

I think it's important to lay those out as clearly as possible, because it makes the selections made by Dante and Verg very interesting, and also kind of funny.

Let's look at Dante's picks - Yi Sang, Meursault, and Faust. These are all, at a surface level, decent general picks, as all three of them are seen as smart and rational. However, if we look at them while keeping the previously mentioned traits in mind, it turns out these three might just be some of the worst picks Dante could ever fucking make.

The biggest issue - none of these bitches can think quickly. Faust is especially notorious for this, as it's consistently pointed out how she always needs a long time to come to a conclusion or otherwise has to pause to come up with answers. We also know Yi Sang is the type of person to get lost in his thoughts and just meander instead of getting to the point. Meursault is a bit of an outlier in that we see that he can think quickly, but if he's not given any orders he's never gonna act on those thoughts. Admittedly, he has been getting better at speaking up over time, but he's still mostly in this "only does what he's told to do" mode of operations.

This is where their issues split up a little bit.

Yi Sang is probably the most likely to be supportive of Dante out of the three - we see that he cares about others and has learned to interfere and give advice when he feels it's necessary (though who knows if he's doing well enough to keep that up after Canto 6, oof). No, rather his other issue lies in the focus department. This is the guy who, as I previously mentioned, meanders all over before getting to the point. Again, like Meursault, he has been getting better at not doing that, but he's still got ways to go.

Faust and Meursault on the other hand have the opposite issue. While they're fairly goot at staying focused on what they have to do, the issue is that they never fucking speak up. They're probbably the furthest from being supportive of Dante. They're most likely to learn info and just keep it to themselves until everyone has wasted way too much fucking time. Hell, Meursault would probably make a decently good detective if allowed to do the case all on his own, but since he's meant to be a part of a group, he's unlikely to help out that much without Dante directly ordering him around.

Now, onto Verg's picks - Rodya, Hong Lu, and Ryoshu. This is where things get really, really interesting. Because we have the reverse situation to Dante's picks - on the surface the choices seem random and counter-intuitive, but if we look deeper, it turns out they all fulfill the requirements surprisingly well.

I'm about to go on a tangent here, but I find it extremely important that we're focusing on this group of Sinners in the first Intervallo between what I consider to be the most thematically different arcs within Limbus. The first half of Inferno has been pretty squarely about confronting one's past, whether learning to face it properly after running away from it (Gregor, Rodya, Sinclair), or learning to move past it after refusing to let go of it (Yi Sang, Ishmael, Heathcliff).

However, looking at the Sinners we have left, it feels like the second half of Inferno might be focused less on the past specifically, but more about the Sinners' general reality. Especially the next upcoming trio of Cantos - Don Quixote, Hong Lu, and Ryoshu - have some heavy thematic focus on the idea of one's perception of reality, especially fitting for the three Sinners with weird eye shit going on.

With Timekilling Time focusing on the Sinners most misinterpreted by others in-character (and out of character), it feels like the perfect intro to this switch in thematic focus - exploring the actual realities of people who are otherwise hard to understand.

Anyway, back to discussing how Rodya, Hong Lu, and Ryoshu fit Dante's requirements.

Supportive of Dante - this is the requirement all three fulfill pretty well. Let me explain.

Rodya is probably the most obvious - she's a hypegirl through and through, and happy to take the reigns in some way or another if nobody else is able to, as we see in Canto 2. She's often one of the first people to point out when someone is not doing well, and shares a lot of her insight if in the mood, but she also knows when discretion is necessary.

Hong Lu is a fun one here - he's extremely perceptive and insightful, often sharing his thoughts with very little prompting. His only issue is that he tends to backpedal when he feels like he said something wrong, or generally just words shit in weird slightly offensive ways. He's supportive, he just doesn't always talk like he is.

Ryoshu is one I find most interesting here, as a lot of people seem to miss this about her character - despite her short temper and peculiar manner of carrying herself, she's actually pretty understanding and helpful towards people she's on amicable terms with. She always explains her acronyms if asked (and when she doesn't it's usually because people stop asking or Sinclair translates instead), she listens when told to stand down or otherwise do something when asked of by Dante or Sinclair, and the reason she tends to stay quiet is because she only speaks when she feels what she has to say is important.

Staying focused - this one is a bit harder to judge, but I'd say the only one who might not fulfill this one is Hong Lu, but only by a margin. Ryoshu is shown to get so focused she gets impatient when she can't get to the point, and Rodya always has her goal in mind even when she might act like she doesn't. Hong Lu is a bit harder to judge, as he seems to be the type to prioritze gathering information and satiating his curiostiy over the main goal, but in a case like this that might just be a massive plus.

Unbiased quick thinking - again, all three fulfill the quick thinking part very well. Rodya shows it constantly throughout Canto 2, Hong Lu shows it best in social interactions, and Ryoshu just doesn't want to waste time and so she naturally thinks quickly as well. It's when we come to the unbiased part that things get extremely interesting.

As individuals, Rodya, Hong Lu, and Ryoshu are all very biased people. Rodya sees the world from the perspective of someone who suffered in the poor Backstreets. Hong Lu sees the world from the perspective of a rich Nest dweller coming from a family of dubious morality. Ryoshu sees the world from the perspective of (probably) an ex-Ring member obsessed with the art that is reality. Their backgrounds color the information they take in a lot.

However... this means that as a group, all three balance each other's biases out. Rodya's cynicism gets balanced out by Hong Lu's idealism, which is balanced by Ryoshu's realism. Their backgrounds couldn't be more different, and thus give the widest possible perspective when put together.

I think this is the point Verg is making with this selection. Dante's selection is the easy way out. It's people that Dante already knows how to deal with, and would rather pick even if their skillsets don't fit the situation. Verg is making Dante learn how to work with Sinners who might be harder to deal with, but have skillsets more fitting for the situation at hand.

Dante can't keep half-assing everything by always turning to the same few people. Every Sinner in the group has their use and are smart in their own unique ways. They have to figure what every Sinner's strong point is, otherwise they'll end up putting everyone in danger by relying on people who are simply not good in a situation while ignoring those who could help.

So... that's what I think.

Anyway, personal general update - I'm still alive! And also very swamped with college and constant exhaustion. So, things will have to change a bit moving forward.

Number one - I will not be returning to old analysis requests. There's too many at this point, and I just don't have the time to sit down and write longass posts whenever I want anymore. However, that isn't to say E.G.O and Sin analyses will never return! I have plaaans for what I want to do with those moving forward, it just may take some time to materialize.

Number two - I'm generally just more active on Discord than on Tumblr. Yapping on Discord feels more natural for me, as it's just... less formal than making a full post I guess. So, if you want to discuss things with me, or if you're on a server that you think would do well with having me yapping in there, feel free to shoot me an invite link in replies (or in DMs if you don't want it to be public)!

Number three - Go check out the Absolute Pride Resonance event on Youtube! I'm not a part of it maybe next time wink wink nudge nudge, but you should still check it out cause it's a bunch of cool people doing very scuffed streams, as is fitting for the scuff Project Moon is known for.

Alright, that's it. I still don't know how to end Tumblr Posts. Bye.

[wowevenmoreloveonearth]

You know what? I have become a gaylor sympathiser

This is going to be a long post, sorry! Please read the full post before even thinking about commenting.

Over the past few days I’ve seen a few posts on my dash about taylor swift and her fans that have left a bad taste in my mouth.

I know that a lot of people think that some fans of her are “trying to make her gay” and I just wanted to put the record straight and defend some people after actually looking at what’s going on. And I know I’m probably opening myself up for tumblr’s poor reading comprehension but before I start I’m going to say this:

I do not think taylor swift is a lesbian

Ok? Now let’s have a conversation.

First of all from what I’ve seen most of the fans who talk about Taylor swift and queerness do it from a point of literary analysis and learning queer history. This is a huge part of the community and lots of people have said that they never would have learnt so much about queer history without reading taylor swift’s works through a queer lens.

Adding on to that point, it seems a little hypocritical for the gay site which loves queer readings of books, tv shows, songs, musicals, films etc to be bullying a pretty small group of people who are mainly doing queer readings of lyrics. Especially when those people get near constant death threats. Instead of bullying these people (who don’t think or do what you think they think and do) why don’t you go outside and think “does this affect me? No. Do I agree with them? No. Am I going to cyber bully them because of this? No.”

Secondly, for the people who believe that any speculation on a real persons sexuality is 100% wrong. I used to think this too but I have changed my mind a bit about this recently after stopping and thinking about it properly. I’m not trying to change your mind at all I just want you to stop and think for a minute.

If you only get mad when speculation is queer in nature, then maybe think about that for a minute. Why is it totally wrong to think a person might be queer. We probably do it in our daily lives with people we know and they likely do it with us, back in the day that’s how queer people found each other-by speculating on sexuality. Would you be upset if you found out someone that you know thought you might be queer? I wouldn’t, maybe you would but if you would, why? Why is it terrible to think someone might be queer (this is NOT about hounding a person to admit to being queer like shawn mendes, this is just thinking in your head and on your small blog that the person will likely never see). Also this is literally the website where we talk about historical (real people) being gay even when they would have never said something to the equivalent.

An addition to this point before people start saying in the comments is that this is NOT the same situation as with kit connor. The issue there was people assuming that he was straight and taking that role away from a queer person. Speculating that he was queer was the opposite of what happened in that situation. So this is not an example of what happens when you speculate queerness.

Final things to say:

1) don’t believe every post you see with someone looking insane about taylor swift being gay, a lot of them are fake.

2) before anyone says “they should listen to real queer artists instead” most of them very much do. There’s a lot of fans of Hayley kiyoko, girl in red, Janelle monae, tegan and sara, zolita, kehlani etc.

3) there are some queer flags that are there. Sorry but there are. Hairpin drops, lavender, the ladder, flag colours, songs about women, friend of dorothy reference. Whether they are intentional is a different matter.

4) shipping real people is not what is happening for the majority of the people in the community. Also this comes back to queer vs straight again. Plenty of swifties ship taylor with men she’s been seen with and no one goes into their inboxes and sends death threats even when they are the ones making taylor swift all about the men she may or may not have dated.

5) taylor swift has never stated her sexuality. I know this may be hard to belive based off of how some people act, but it’s true. She has made vague statements which could have many meanings but she has never clearly stated anything. When gaylors get upset with taylor it is not because she said she is straight, it’s because they are getting death threats and doxxed and she seems to either be unaware of it (which is unlikely given how she seems to be a little terminally online) or she doesn’t care enough to tell her fans to stop.

6) if she does explicitly say she’s straight then there will probably be disappointment in her use of queer history and flags and her potential queer erasure (as we saw with lavender haze, with straight women describing their relationships as lavender) and centring herself in queer spaces (like the you need to calm down music video) but no one will be angry that she’s not gay. And a lot will probably be grateful that she actually explicitly stated for the record to absolve any confusion. The main issue would likely be other fans ramping up the death threats and bullying.

In conclusion: these people who do queer analysis of Taylor’s work are not trying to out her or make her gay etc. if you don’t understand it that’s fine it’s clearly not for you and you can go quite easily without seeing any of it. It’s not illegal to read works through a queer lens and if it means more people know about queer history then I think that’s a very good thing.

I changed my mind after looking at what a lot of people are actually saying rather than what people perceive them to be saying and maybe you will too?

Just be kinder to people online please and if you don’t like what people are saying block them and do not engage!

[enneamage]

i remember your really great essay on the fandom's tendency to hope ccs are queer due to, in part, the uneasy relationship between male streamers and women. now seeing wilbur's exploration into famously queer media (i have never met a dude into tyler the creator who was not bi unless he himself believed tyler wasn't queer), i was wondering, do you think male ccs in the community are aware that being bi makes them appear more safe towards women? i don't doubt anyone's sexuality btw

For starters, I think that Wilbur is throwing a bunch of spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks in terms of a new public persona. What you’re looking at is still an indie softboy variant, just spiced a bit differently. Art Guy and Bisexual can be related but as I said in the other post, sticking morality, sexuality and aesthetics together as a package deal is a quick way to be misled. The thing I want to linger on is the evolution of the idea of a softboy, which was actually a fandom-esque tumblr term that was a term of endearment to fictional / irl boys before it became an ironic nickname to call out a particular kind of wolf in sheep's clothing. I think that concept cycle happens a lot. 

In the straight sense, men do have a motivation to try to get women to like them. While some people are remarkably bad at this or have no clue how to achieve it, others are a bit better at following the trail of an appealing persona and trying to fit themselves into it. Some of it is a genuine self-image desire as well, you want to think of yourself as an appealing person even without an audience, so you take the temperature of the culture and try to follow the path that seems to work best for your desires and interests.

Softboy / golden retriever boyfriend / himbo and the like tends to come from the imagination of women online when collectively brainstorming what kind of person would be seen as a breath of fresh air in the current Dude Climate. The issue with it being translated IRL is that once it becomes clear that people really do find these tropes attractive, people want to lean into the strategy a bit either as an exaggeration of their own personalities or an active choice to Not Be Like Other Guys, inviting inevitable disappointment when they have the ups and downs of a real person with traits, or are revealed to be straight up frauds. 

In terms of leaning into persona or aesthetics aside from sexuality, I want to bump this post by someone on the mcyt snark reddit that takes a tour through personas that consistently appear and reappear in post-2020 MCYT circles. I think the people love a persona (or imago perhaps) and a package deal of traits, we tend to hand them out for free when we’re forming our impressions of people even if they don’t mean to create one. 

Wilbur in particular has a lot of reasons to try and dress himself up as ‘safe’ for the time being, but you asked about the bi swatch of MCYT and I think the answer to the safety part is unconsciously, yes. I think that having an aspect of their experience being removed from mainstream straight culture really does put them in a different headspace than straight peers, but whether that headspace is actually kinder and safer in practice isn’t guaranteed in the way that I think both parties might hope. They probably notice that people treat them better or differently when they lean into the mlm part of their identity, leading them to do it more over time.

Again, especially with CCS, I think a lot of people hope that the bisexuality will lead to a long term partnership with a man or that their attraction to women would be softened into something less hormonally or culturally straight. People actively leaning into post-2020 queer culture aesthetics (because we’re not talking leather bars here) may also seem more safe or appealing by breaking down the dyadic “let me define myself by being completely opposed to you” aspects of really rigid gender performance relationships. Ironically this may also make them seem more appealing as partners in the platonic and romantic sense because it feels less like you’re dealing with a rigid diametric opposite. You feel closer to them by being under the LGBTQ+ umbrella with them, which also adds some motivation to parasocial attachment. 

[holybasementdweller]

wanted to add my two cents because shipping discourse is just all over recently. Forgive me rambling a bit here. I have a lot of thoughts on this topic and would like to get them out there in some form.

Stop harassing CC's about their boundaries.

Would you go up to a random person whom you've never met before in your life, who has never met you either, and likely has no idea who you are, purely to ask them if you can draw/write/ship them with one of their co-workers?

No! It's a wildly uncomfortable question to a lot of people, it puts them on the spot, and some CC's may not care as long as they never see it. Now that the concept has been shoved in their face, they're forced to view the idea.

I feel like a large part of the issue is the divide between younger, newer fandom members and older, traditional ones. Primarily the concept that fan content is not intended for CCs, but for fans specifically. Most 'traditional' and older fandom participants follow this view because that's what fandom is. You get to make cool things, and ramble about different head cannons and ideas with your friends and maybe find other fans who become your friends along the way. Maybe you want to throw these characters you really like into this elaborate superhero AU, or draw them in costume, or explore relationship dynamics because it's fun and you get to ramble with fellow fans. It's called a fandom for a reason!

I'd like to clarify here that this post is not meant to target anyone in particular; it's going off a general trend I've noticed.

There's been an influx of people who create fan works or fanart that seems to be aimed more to gain clout or to be noticed by CCs. It's something they wanted to make, but is leaving the realm of "by fans, for fans," in a sense that it seems to have lost more of that "for fans." The work is then shoved at the CC more aggressively than if it was just for friends.

There's a reason that spaces like AO3 and Tumblr exist with such large fan communities- because the communities are meant for fans. It's all well and good when CC's decide to take a peek or participate in said fan spaces of their own volition. They're the ones making the choice to engage. It's NOT all well and good when someone, as a fan, is trying to make that choice FOR them by shoving fanworks at the CC begging for clarification on what is okay with them. You're not going to help anyone in that way. Fan spaces exist separately from the CC spaces for a reason. The CC is a person behind the screen who you don't know. The character or role they play in the series you watch? You might know just about everything there is to know about them!

If a CC has laid out a boundary that they aren't comfortable with X Y Z, then there's a really, really simple solution here. Don't show it to them.

Don't put it in main tags, don't tag them in the post, hell, block the CC so you know they won't be able to view something that makes them uncomfortable.

There's a lot of what comes across as almost puritanical virtue signaling I've seen lately, where people are talking about CC boundaries everywhere and trying to police fanwork. I will again refer you to the point above. The fanwork is not made for the CC. It is made for fans, and if it is something the CC isn't comfortable with, then don't go posting it where they might regularly look at things (such as main fanart/fanwork tags.)

Yes, there are CCs who are over here. Yes, they look through fan works. This app is primarily a fan-oriented space and it has tags that CC's (or anyone else!!) can block to avoid things they are uncomfortable with. Though at this point the few that are over here either were already gay dot com natives or have basically become one.

I may have gone a bit off my original topic but TL;DR:

KEEP FAN WORKS TO FAN SPACES, AND STOP HARASSING THE CC'S PLEASE. LET THEM EXIST IN PEACE.

[thewritetofreespeech]

hello again! i'm not familiar with tumblr so i hope i'm typing it in right place. anyway: can i ask for headcanons for hades, poseidon, thor and maybe harmes (if not too much) with virgin s/o; their first night together? thank you for your time!

Incredibly patient. As the de facto god of time in his father’s demise, he has all the time in the world.

He doesn’t want to rush them. In fact, he enjoys the waiting.

Incredibly romantic in his heart. So will want to make the evening special. Candles, champagne, the works.

Hades also takes his time during the act. Wanting to remember and mark every moan, movement, and shutter; as well as not hurt them.

Patient, but because sex isn’t really a high priority for him.

Maybe it’s because he’s been by himself most of his eons (humans are awful and his siblings are insufferable) but Poseidon has never really seen the interest in physical contact.

He is honestly not that much more experienced than they are.

He tries to make an effort to be affectionate, mostly because he knows that’s what is expected, but not the best at it. Could only consider having sex with someone he’s in love with.

Though he’s stoic by nature, his sex drive is actually quite high.

Sex and sexuality are a critical part of his faiths culture, so it’s obviously bled into him as well. He hasn’t had a virgin lover in a long time.

The thought actually makes him a little worried. Thor knows he is big, and when he’s excited he has impulse control issues.

He’ll make every effort to try and be gentle. But he can’t make any promises.

Probably the sweetest of the bunch. But…it’s not the full altruism that Hades would have.

Hermes believes in the power of wooing someone. Giving a person affection and what they want; which may just be the butler in him.

He likes to satisfy his lover. So by the time they actually have sex they are ready and open for him.

He may be depicted as the fastest god in most renderings of him, but this is one thing he’s certainly not fast at.

[beegalactica]

HOT GIRLS ARE CONSCIOUS.

I haven't been on Tumblr in about 3 months (life has been busy), and when I finally decided to check back in today, I kept seeing the same thing over and over again, so I am here to dispel some myths.

If you have seen any of my posts, you will know the issues I have with traditional TikTok-y trendy 'glow-up' advice, but today I realised how much of it is just a ploy to get us to spend tons of money on things we CAN live without. I think we all need to be more CONSCIOUS: conscious of what we can realistically afford and implement into our daily lives.

For example, in a typical 'glow-up' advice post, tiktok or youtube video, they recommend these super unrealistic routines that include a full skincare routine of every type of cream you could ever imagine, and an incredibly detailed list that lays out how you need to spend every 10 minutes of your day in order to achieve this perfect form.

It's all hear-say.

Don't get roped into thinking that you need those brand new clothes, or you need those skincare items to be your best self. The idea of turning your 'glow-up' into a sustainable part of your life is to do things you can manage to do over and over again. The secret to glowing up permanently is having a routine that keeps you happy and healthy. Instead of buying a full shelf of skincare all in one go, get 1 or 2 items with positive reviews to start. You don't need to throw out your whole wardrobe and sell your soul to TEMU just to look aesthetic; use what you have. Rather than making short term impulsive purchases, treat every part of your life as an investment.

Especially when it comes to clothing, being someone who has lost weight and no longer fits into all their old clothes, instead of throwing everything out and starting from scratch, I bought a little amazon sewing kit with a couple of needles and different types of thread and started cutting and sewing my way to a better wardrobe. (Even TODAY, I turned an old pair of jeans that I never wear into a cute miniskirt all from a 5 minute YouTube tutorial.) If sewing isn't your thing, you can try using some hemming tape and an iron, fabric glue, or whatever you can. Be conscious of the things you buy and how often you buy them.

I know lots of people like thrifting, and you can thrift online with apps like Vinted, which I personally use and love, if you don't have access to massive thrift stores like they do in America (I'm totally not jealous at all 🙄🙄; I live in the UK and the closest things I have near me are charity shops but there's a sort of stigma around shopping in them but honestly who cares what others think).

When you shop for clothes, look for timeless and versatile pieces you can mix and match, layer and style with lots of different things, allowing you to wear them well. Try to find good staple pieces, that will make the basis of your wardrobe. Be an outfit repeater. Do not blindly follow trends; take the time to curate and explore to find your style. Make a massive Pinterest board of everything you think looks good, and start to make a list of common items of clothing and accessories you save the most; these will be your staples. Don't feel like you have to stick strictly to one aesthetic; my wardrobe ranges from 'fairycore' maxi skirts to y2k denim skirts, but what matters is that I am mindful of whether I will use the things I want to buy.

Of course, feel free to treat yourself, you 100% deserve it, but don't get sucked into the idea that your self worth is determined but WHAT you have; instead it should be how you FEEL in what you have.

I like to see my blog as a little notebook of things I wish I could have told my younger self, and things I want to remind my future self, and I feel like it would be a disservice to not talk about the oversaturation of our feeds with infinite products, to the point where everything feels like an AD.

Moral of the story: don't just take everything you see online at face value. Don't get trapped in extensive consumerism; it's bad for your bank account, it's bad for the environment and it's bad for your mental health.

Also here's my Pinterest if you want to have a peek around <3 Pinterest

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Hii! Could you make a fluff snippet about a hero and a villain that have a mission that they have to pretend they are a couple,and give their first kiss? L love your snippets :) you are my favorite writer in tumblr💜💜

For you: a cookie 🍪

Dating had always seemed rather difficult to the hero. Opening up to someone, being vulnerable and revealing the depths of their mind wasn’t exactly what they deemed safe. In their career, countless people had betrayed them and the hero had never felt ready to be in a relationship.

Which was why they had dreaded this. Dating their enemy surely sounded like suicide.

The hero had struggled with the thought of living with someone for weeks just for the sake of the mission. The hero had a lot of problems, had a lot of issues and they hated to be viewed as anything less than perfect. They were a mess, their lifestyle was a mess. The hero couldn’t cook, couldn’t clean, couldn’t take care of themselves.

Sleep was an enemy, rest was too. And the hero had truly thought the villain would get annoyed and break off the arrangement.

But that didn’t happen.

“How’s your anxiety?” the hero asked quietly. Going out was probably the most challenging thing for both of them. Pretending to be in love wasn’t exactly easy.

“Much better, thank you.” The villain smiled at them from across the table and it wasn’t fake. They had chosen one of the restaurants where their targets were regulars and it wasn’t cheap. It turned out that the villain could be a very sweet thing, supporting the hero and making them feel better about themselves.

“…I was thinking about your idea. I’d like to try it,” the hero said. The villain looked at them and a soft blush covered their cheeks. Unbelievable that this person could name every bone in your body and break it with no struggle.

“Only if you’re comfortable, of course.”

“No, I…I think it’s good to try out. If I’m up all night you get no sleep either. Maybe physical contact can help with that. Something about survival instincts, I don’t know,” the hero said. Cuddling with the villain all night long didn’t sound too bad. It was just something…new. Physical contact was usually unpleasant for the hero. All they seemed to know was anger and violence.

Sometimes the hero wondered what it would be like to give into those feelings and simply do as their emotions told them. But they were pretty sure they would end up on the villain’s side then.

“I think we’re pretty good at this. The mission, obviously.”

“Oh, yeah…yeah, you’re right.” The hero looked at the empty plates, the empty glasses. Both of them didn’t really feel safe around people. Being a popular hero or a hated villain had those side effects. “Have you seen our targets yet?”

“No, I think they cancelled their reservations again,” the villain said. They let their eyes jump from table to table. The subtlety of it impressed the hero.

“Assholes.”

“Let’s pay, hm?” Let’s pay meant let me pay. The villain hadn’t even once let the hero take out their wallet and the hero knew whatever the villain did, whatever they said — all of it wasn’t real. However, no matter how hard they tried to convince themselves, they couldn’t help but find it sweet and dared to love it.

Once they were outside, the villain put their jacket around the hero’s shoulders and they walked home slowly.

“Do you think going out in a week again would be too suspicious?” The hero’s lips curled into a smile and they looked at the villain.

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Even though the evening was turning into night, the hero could see how red the villain’s ears got. They scratched their neck and laughed nervously.

“That’s a very weird way of putting it.”

“Hm. Well, you can invite me on a professional business dinner, then. If that’s less weird.” The hero shrugged and smiled to themselves. Getting to know the villain, breaking the hard shell and discovering that the villain was passionate and sweet and maybe just as broken as they were, made the hero feel connected.

They didn’t know for how long they had chased this feeling. To be understood, to be…loved.

God, these feelings were horribly wrong.

“Or invite me on a date, your call,” they said quietly, nearly whispered it. It was meant as a joke. A joke rooted in hope.

“The date, then. Please,” the villain answered and the hero’s heart skipped a few beats. They played with the sleeves of the villain’s jacket nervously.

“…it was a nice dinner,” the hero said.

“Yeah, it was very nice.” They came to a stop and looked at each other. The hero could feel the villain’s gaze reaching into the depths of their heart. Their eyes dropped to the hero’s lips. For a moment, the hero thought their nemesis was leaning towards them but the villain only smiled lazily, cleared their throat and kept on walking with slow steps.

“I think you’re the first person I’ve ever dated. Even though it’s fake. It feels good,” they said. “I never went out on dates. Not like this.”

“Yeah, I get that. Feels like ages since I kissed someone. Not really the perfect life for a relationship,” the hero said. The hero turned to look at the (blushing) villain but when their eyes met, they seemed more than nervous.

“Can I?” They barely said the next words. “Can I please kiss you?”

“Yes.” The hero nodded desperately and felt the desperation between them growing when the villain came closer and held them. Their lips were on the other’s in seconds and, Christ, the hero couldn’t stop replying with kisses.

[dyke-zooble]

I do have a small theory I wanna bring to Tumblr: I think Pomni is going to abstract/start to abstract and then be pulled out of it by The Power of Friendship™. Here's why,

My main evidence comes from Episode 2 "Candy Carrier Chaos!". The start of the episode showcases a nightmare Pomni is having about the fear of being abstracted and that by abstracting she will have meant nothing:

There is a clear fear of abandonment and feelings of worthlessness here.

We know that abstraction is caused by a mental spiral, the one thing Caine cannot control (the human mind). So Pomni already being so fearful and having issues revolving the idea of abstraction may make her more prone to it. Abstraction is a clear parallel to a mental spiral, some kind of breakdown in the psyche. Whether caused by depression, anxiety, or other traumas. Abstraction is a symptom of a mental health crisis in the Digital Circus.

Now Pomni, is clearly not mentally stable. I say this as someone with Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, BPD, PSTD, Autism, a Schizotypal Disorder, & ect. Pomni is suffering from clear trauma somewhere. Hers seems to be more anxiety and depression based, with some PTSD (seeing Abstracted Kafumo and being chased by him) layered on top. The PTSD also seems to have given her a greater fear of abstraction than other characters, like how some people IRL get PTSD when a loved one dies and then fear death/dying.

There was already a link made between Pomni and Kaufmo, them both seeing the exit door. Now Caine did admit he made it but just had nothing to put behind it, but it's strange that both the first person we see abstracted, and the most mentally unwell person in the Circus have both seen the door. I wouldn't be surprised if Kinger has seen the door but just can't remember tbh.

Now you may say "But Yuri! There's never been anyone brought back after abstraction, it can't be done!" because nobody has ever tried. The closest that anyone has gotten was Kinger and Queenie in the fort.

But then Caine came and took Queenie to the cellar. I feel like she could've been pulled back if given enough time. Like with anyone going through a mental health crisis, you just need to be there and love them while they work through it. If you do that they will get back to you.

My LAST piece of evidence is the end of Episode 2, during Kaufmo's funeral. Pomni is imagining falling into the cellar again, but this time is being pulled out by her friends, by people she cares about.

She is being pulled out of her spiral:

She is being saved by people just being there for her.

So yeah that's why I think Episode 2 is foreshadowing for Pomni Abstraction Arc and her being saved by The Power of Friendship™!

[twopoppies]

hi gina!! I hope you're having a great day.

this is gonna be a weird message, I know, you don't have to answer, you can absolutely ignore it, don't worry. it might bother you, I'm not sure.

so. I've always been a larry. always. I've always believed H and L have been in love with each other, ever since they first met. but I haven't really been active in the fandom lately, mostly because of work and personal issues. I still used tumblr occasionally, to see if there were news or just to check what was happening in general. I didn't have time to watch louis' docu until yesterday.

and. well. now, for the first time, I believe freddie is louis' son. and trust me when I tell you that up until 2 days ago I thought he most definitely wasn't. I don't know, the way he looks, the way lou talks about him and acts around him... I think he's his son.

so, because of this "realization", I basically reconsidered everything I believed in. my head is kind of a mess, because I still want to think there was something between them but that maybe something happened and they broke up or idk... maybe it really was just a relationship we made up. I feel like shit, like I'm "betraying" all of you, I don't know how to explain it.

one thing is certain, even if they were together, I believe that right now they're not an item anymore, and they haven't been for a very long time. I feel so weird, I can't believe I'm actually writing this words.

you might ask yourself why tf I'm telling you all this, and I'm really, really sorry, but there's no one in my life I can talk to about this. and gina, you and your account have always been amazing. I used to check your account all the time, to see what was happening or for fic recs. so yeah, when I was thinking about who I was gonna tell this (because I feel like I need to tell someone or I'm gonna go insane), you're the first person that came to mind. again, I'm sorry. I kinda feel like an idiot.

so yeah, here I am, I can't believe I don't think they're together anymore. I feel guilty, like me/us believing in larry was the reason they stopped being friends, like it hurt them somehow. I used to hate people who believe this. ugh. I'm sorry.

But who knows, maybe I'm wrong. there's a part of me who wants to be.

you're a great person gina, I'm sorry for bothering you with this. thank you.

Hi, love. So, I’ve very honestly lost all interest in trying to rationalize with people about babygate. If you believe Louis is a dad, and you believe that changes everything you ever knew and thought about him as a person and him and Harry as a couple, you do you.

I know what I know. I know what I’ve seen. But it’s very obvious that for some reason Louis wants people to believe he’s a dad.

I watched this clip of Zayn today on the Zach Sang show talking about his daughter. The facial expressions, the pride in his voice, the anecdotes he tells… that’s a dad.

x

But Louis is a dad. Ok. 👍🏻

Anyway, once upon a time, they wanted and needed our very vocal support. They don’t anymore. I hope that even if you think “Larry” never existed, if you think fans ruined their friendship, if you think Louis is a dad, if you think Harry and Louis were together but aren’t now… whatever you think about their personal lives, I hope you can enjoy their music because that’s all they seem to really want from their fans these days. ❤️

[adamworu]

‘When’s the White Haired Anime Boy Going to Appear?’

For awhile, I often wondered about the phenomena of ‘When is the white-haired anime boy going to appear?’ posts during the heyday of Eva content on tumblr (2013-14). If you were around the Eva fandom on tumblr, or new to the show around that time like I was, you were probably bewildered too. It’s part of what got me into the show other than the character struggles and interesting worldbuilding.

Sure, you could chalk it up to people wanting to see more of Kaworu’s cute, but awkward mannerisms coupled with cryptic, though nonthreatening words. The bath scene of episode 24 is heavily quotable. There was also the influx of ‘headless’ memes (see: Pop Goes My Heart!).

But Eva was watched during many people’s adolescent years. High and low years. Critical years.

Evangelion itself is no stranger to struggles in formative years.

(talks about abuse under the cut)

I’ve always read Shinji as an audience surrogate because of how he’s at the center of these issues. Many of us have a Gendo: We hate them, yet we seek their validation, because unfortunately, they’re all we have. And yet they’re so emotionally cold and self-serving. 

Much of the series sees Shinji in less than optimal environments. His father is cold and distant. While Misato takes him in, she also makes him (and Asuka) fight angels due to her issues with her own father. Shinji and Asuka’s relationship within the household isn’t the greatest, either. They’re both emotionally damaged kids who can’t really properly sort through the baggage due to their environment. They’re mainly shouldering the burden of adult issues during their early teen years. 

They’re face to face with the open horrors of war. 

Kaworu comes in toward the tail end of the series. He asks nothing of Shinji but the narrative hardly portrays him as the sudden, immaculate savior. They get to know each other, and due to his deep traumas, Shinji is of course wary because being open means getting hurt again. So he puts his guard up. The more they interact, the more they both get to know each other. 

‘Why am I telling all this to Kaworu?’

This is less of a wariness of who Kaworu is and more of Shinji realizing he spilled part of his heart about his strained relationship with his father. Shinji realizes that he feels open, but not vulnerable. Kaworu feels the same way, replying to Shinji’s answers with ‘I think I may have been born to meet you, Shinji-kun.’

I sound like a broken record saying this but, Kaworu isn’t just his own person. He represents an ideal. This is a point I’m totally partisan to. That tinges of kindness can and do exist, even when one’s world is hell. 

On that end, I believe that, at least in the original series, that Hikari is Asuka’s Kaworu. Asuka’s guarded persona manifests as being proud and somewhat brash, but it’s a product of neglect. This worsens when she comes to understand in her environment that her accomplishments mean next to nothing. That she’s replaceable. 

The adults in Eva, even the adults of the adults get away with murder and seeing that as a victim of abuse drives a visceral rage I haven’t felt in years. And I’m sure this ire, this rising embitterment stirs in you too, if you ever lived in such an environment.

A lot of us were forced to wade through toxic environments for years while growing up. Had our share of bad relationships that still leave marks to this day.  A lot of us are victims chasing the closure that will sadly, never come because many of the people who hurt you walk away when they have much to answer for. Even if they do answer, is there any guarantee that they’ll be genuine?

When Shinji is with Kaworu and when Asuka is around Hikari they’re far less guarded. For the latter, we see a side of Asuka not seen before: one that’s tender. One that doesn’t feel burdened and otherwise ignored.

And that too, could describe that someone in our lives. The world doesn’t feel as daunting. You realize your worth and that you can be yourself when you’re around them. The barriers come down slowly and you stop saying sorry. You don’t feel as if they’re demanding that that happens. It simply just. Does. The people you hate or ignore your grievances seem insignificant in your life, even if for a moment. 

When we ask ‘When’s the white haired anime boy going to appear?’ what we actually mean is ‘When is our support system going to appear?’

I know that one day you will find your Kaworu. You deserve better than an apology. You deserve peace.

[suzyandthefox]

Clarification, Apologies,A word for the community, and Blog Updates..

On 31st of July, around a week ago, A situation involving some users, myself included, happened, causing me to go on a temporary hiatus for a week, as it was handled indelicately and caused a lot of harm to users who never asked to be a part of it.

For the sake of privacy and not stirring the pot again, I will not name any of the users.

I should clarify that English is not my first language, so there might be grammatical mistakes in this.

TLDR: I was careless and I reblogged from NSFW blogs not knowing they were NSFW blogs, causing harassment to other members of the community. I have deleted these reblogs and I decided to not reblog anything on this blog for the safety of everyone.

Elaboration under break:

It started when an user, who I will not name, made a callout post about me. They screenshotted reblogs I made, and while I still believe that that user fully intended to cause drama instead of addressing any real issue, they were right in calling my mistakes out.

Throughout several months, I have reblogged from NSFW accs, even though I have a bold NSFW DNI on the top of my blog. I have also reblogged from an MDNI account multiple times despite having minors on my blog, endangering both parties.

I have since blocked these accounts and deleted these reblogs. However,that doesn't undo the damage I already did.

I know I have problems with many social skills, like social cues and etiquette. I do have Autism and ADHD after all. This led to, when I was reblogging things that I found cool, me accidentally missing many of the signs that most would have seen. I didn't realize what was happening until someone told me.

At the moment of the discourse, this blog had 194 followers (202 as I write this). In any other social media platform, this number means you're basically invisible, and so that's the logic I went with. I thought nobody saw this blog so I was lenient with my content, treating this blog as my personal shitposting place.

However, after this discourse,I realized that I am being seen on Tumblr. That unfortunately was at the cost of accidentally hurting innocent users who never asked to be a part of this, along with ruining my mental health for a while.

There have been kind hearted users who defended me, and users who told me that I am being looked up to and that I am a well respected member of the community, which is something I will remember for the rest of my life.

What I am trying to say is, I fucked up. Badly. Yet despite that, the community has given me a second chance, proven by the fact that I wasn't blocked or unfollowed (Quite the opposite actually)

I now understand the responsibility that I have and that I need to be very careful with what I post, especially since I have made the choice to let minors interact with this blog. I now understand I must look after them because of that.

I apologize so much for everyone that has been hurt by this. I won't ask for forgiveness. I only ask that everyone knows that I have acknowledged my mistakes and I promise to better myself in the future.

I am a human and I make mistakes, please don't ever be afraid to tell me when I do something wrong. (Tell me, by messaging or commenting. Please not by making a call out post on me, since this has proven to hurt more than help others.)

I made this blog to be a safe place to enjoy a certain trope without getting hurt, and I want to live up to that. For the safety of everyone, me included, I will make some changes to this blog.

Changes:

1: No more reblogs

This blog was handled indelicately, and unprofessionally, and I decided that I will change that, I will make this blog into an Art/Writing blog first and foremost, With prompt posts being a second priority.

The only exception to this will be fanworks or fanfics or things that are directly made for me/things I am mentioned in, I will tag them accordingly depending on content.

2: This blog is now +16

Yes, I interacted with users younger than 16 before, Yes,I have followers who are less than 16. I have thought about it deeply and I realized that for the sake of not hurting anyone, and if I wanted to be more comfortable around this blog, then I need to keep people who are slightly closer to my age range, Instead of censoring myself,

that's because I have taken a liking to (Nonsexual) fatal vore and gore, I want to make similar content in the future, as well as other darker topics.

I will not block anyone who is younger than 16, but I will not directly interact with you anymore, even if I'm not responsible for your actions, it's just to be safe.

Now I need to make some things clear:

I am not a minor so I can interact with MDNI blogs and they can interact if they wish to. As long as they're SFW

But, again, I will not reblog from them for the safety of those who are minors following my blog.

Vore is nonsexual for me and I don't want my work to be sexualised, especially because I depict myself in it.

I have absolutely nothing against people who are into it sexually, I just don't want my work in these circles.

I can't control how my work is perceived and where it goes, however my blog is SFW (In the sense that there's nothing graphic or sexual on it), meant for people who are also interested in that content, and so I don't want to see people who think it's “hot” here.

I am not responsible for anyone's actions on this blog, I am not responsible for people who find my content weird or sexual or whatever,I am not responsible for the minors on this blog, I am not responsible for my mutuals, I am only responsible for my own actions.

This community has been extremely supportive of me, and there have been people who comforted me during this whole situation, without them I probably would've deleted my blog from sheer panic.

I owe these people my life, thank you so much for being on my side.

I hope that one day, my blog can be a source of comfort too.

Thank you for reading and I hope you guys have a wonderful day!

[chained-to-the-mirror]

Back from my portrait hiatus, I drew my darling babygirl.

I have been trying to go through my thoughts about what OFMD has meant (and means) to me. It’s been some days now since we heard from David Jenkins that it is officially over… In my heart I was expecting it, but it was still a blow. Still, during the time between the initial cancellation and right now, I have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that we have two wonderful, wonderful seasons of TV and they are forever. I know for a fact that even if Max deleted the show and it was never again seen anywhere (legally), it would be forever burned into my brain. I can recite it in my sleep at this point, yet I still keep re-watching. Why? Because this show is like no other, to me.

When S1 first came out, I was not the person I am now. Nothing much has changed externally, but in my mind, things have shifted. The character of Ed triggered my the journey of figuring out that much of my personality and behaviours have very likely been shaped by trauma. Now, I have been in therapy, have been hospitalised multiple times, have been seeing a psychiatric nurse for years - I know I have issues, some of them even have names. But not until I saw Ed did I realise that trauma may be at the core of it all. 

It’s funny, because I’m not like Ed. I am very introverted, very insecure, not particularly skilled, not popular. But I relate to him so much it’s not even funny. What happens to him means the world to me. So what a gift it is that we got to end at Ed being happy, and on his way to recovering from all the traumatic experiences of his past. He got his happy ending! That is a rare thing indeed. I felt vindicated in some way, like I was cheering on a dear friend and they triumphed. 

So, in some ways, I can’t be too upset that we don’t ever get more of all their stories. Of course I AM upset, but not necessarily so much for myself - more for the creators, and the fandom as a whole. Most of my friends have not even seen S2, and none of them is obsessed with this show like I am. It gets lonely sometimes, but when I come on Tumblr and scroll through my dash, I see all these people who ARE obsessed, and who really live and breathe the show. I am an outsider looking in, but it’s still a bit less lonely.

My contribution to the fandom is an occasional art, and reblogging All The Things to by sideblog @dearpirates - it hasn’t got that many followers, but really I am using it as my teenage bedroom wall where I plaster all the shiny and lovely and maddening things for myself to see. There are so many wonderful things and people in this fandom.

I really hope the fandom survives, and thrives. I would miss it dearly if it ever went away. Many of the people I follow feel like friends to me, even though we’ve never spoken. That said… if you ever want to talk to someone about anything OFMD related, my inbox is there for you. Ask box too. I would love to actually talk to people, but I am very shy so I can’t really take the first step usually 😅

This got long. Thank you if you read to the end and didn’t just look at the art above and scroll past the wall of text.

Patreon / Ko-fi / Society6 / Redbubble / Commissions / Colouring book

[capricioussun]

I don't know if I or another person have asked but what's your interpretation of Fell Papyrus?

I swear I'm going to try and keep this from becoming a novel but I can't be held accountable for if I fail.

Edit post-typing: I failed. Anyway

So, similarly to the US boys, I started off basically taking the UT boys (as I see them) and going all the way back to the beginning and seeing how the changes would ultimately affect them. This pretty consistently has a bigger impact on Papyrus than Sans because I've always seen Papyrus as very...sort of impressionable? Or reflective. A lot of his behaviors come from those around him and their expectations.

To me, he comes across as the type of character to try to mold himself into a specific shape because he sort of lacks his own sense of self. I've always headcanoned this as coming from my standard lore of being like, partially synthetic and receiving a larger part of Gaster's soul than Sans in their creation, meaning he takes more after someone with low empathy and serious issues with derealization, and only became even more sort of..."detached" from himself after Gaster shattered and it damaged his and Sans' "code" (Papyrus more so, again, because of having a larger percentage of Gaster's soul).

In UF, because of how Gaster was, and because of how much fear he semi-unintentionally instilled in Sans, that Sans then went on to try and teach Papyrus through the lens of, he wound up with a tremendously overzealous responsibility complex. Gaster had impressed on the boys how important they were to his plans to free monsterkind, all the way up until shattering when the boys were still young. And then Sans tried desperately hard to teach Papyrus how to be entirely self sufficient and survive in a world as cruel as theirs because he believed he'd get killed or Fall Down at pretty much any moment (Sans was a very, very stressed out kid/teenager).

So Papyrus essentially learned Anything can be an exploitable weakness, not to show emotions, do anything for the sake of surviving, and above all else, protect those that need protecting, with Sans, and eventually Undyne, at the top of the list. This is also where his deeply secretive nature really settled in, and also why he struggles so much to accept...really anything good that's offered freely. Kindness, friendship, help. He has to remain untouchable, unreachable, the one to provide and not take, because if he messes up, if he lets the wrong person in, he's not just risking his own well being, but by extension, everyone who's depending on him.

It's also a really good way to distract himself from the crushing loneliness. Saw a tumblr post the other day that resonated so hard w/ my ideas of him that said something along the lines of "if I cannot be wanted I will be needed, and if I am not needed then let me be used until there is nothing left". He was never really allowed to develop himself as a person, not fully, so he completely filled himself with what he thought he had to be. When those things are taken away, he has nothing, and he’s too terrified to let that happen.

It's also why I hc he, in some ways, winds up having a really really hard time after surfacing in some of my ideas/aus/stories. He was needed underground, Sans needed him, Undyne needed him, Snowdin needed him, and by extension the whole underground did, to keep the balance. Above ground, everyone calming and becoming happier, Sans and Toriel settling down, Undyne and Alphys settling down, being a replaceable member of the ambassadorial team, he's hit with this just...utter loss of self.

Getting carried away on the specifics. He and UT Papyrus actually align in a lot of ways it's hard to see at first glance. Both have their "roles", both have a specific sort of "bit" they do with their brothers, both let Undyne believe she knows what's best because they believe it's what best for her, both, despite knowing better, desperately want to believe in the greater good. Despite all the aforementioned problems, despite preparing his whole life to kill humans, he's the first to give up and try to help Frisk. They're just a child. A child who wants to help, who's scared, who doesn't even have a brother to look after them.

In reality he’s a nervous wreck. My man is TIRED. He puts himself under tremendous pressure and doesn't know how to express nor understand emotions. His schtick is so well rehearsed anything that goes off script completely blindsides him. The soft, silly, bratty goofiness is really only under a very thin layer of ice. It doesn't take much to crack it, but that only makes him that much more defensive and paranoid. He can't risk anyone knowing how "weak" he truly is, even if most anyone who's been around him any amount of time can see it clear as day, because he’s about as good at hiding it as UT Papyrus would be lol

At least they don't know about the [REDACTED]. That, he’s actually really good at hiding.

I do wish I'd given him a different nickname than Edge looking back, but back when I'd nicknamed my main guys I just went w/ the fandom usuals so now he’s forever cursed to be Edge bc I associate it too strongly lol

[boba-beom]

a real update — semi hiatus announcement and life update.

as you all know–and have seen–that I’ve been on here just posting random things here and there, I’ve not been in the best mentality to write, and I hardly interact because I already feel so distant to my moots and everyone in general.

tw! personal issues, thoughts of 💀 myself, mental health in general

the past year has been rough on me in terms of family situations and although I have been using tumblr as an outlet for me to distract myself through the past few months, I have been trying to communicate better with my family members and resolve issues that’s preventing us from being a somewhat functional family. because everything has been so unhealthy and I fear it’s affecting me to the point I genuinely need help. I’ve had more occasions, recently than ever, where I’ve thought of what would happen if I disappeared for a day? maybe more? would people be happier that way? would they even realise? and when I felt like almost acting upon those thoughts I’d sob and think rationally about everything. I care about everyone too much to do anything to harm myself, and I want to find help.

just recently I’ve found out that I’ve been too honest and comfortable with people I thought were doing the same, only to figure out that it’s not like that at all. that people I deemed trusted me, would actually stab me in the back. and yet I still decide to be open and honest with them because I thought eventually they would do the same. I guess I’m just too hopeful for my own good.

for the longest time I’ve been looking for a job, and for the longest time I’ve been wanting to see a doctor or go to therapy. but again, that requires money— anyway, I’m sharing this because I feel like I need to be honest. I’m not purposely ignoring anyone when I’m tagged in works, or when I receive asks, but also because things irl have been problematic that I just don’t have time to sit and write.

and as much as I have been trying to write when I can, it’s just slower than I anticipated. like I’m incredibly excited to share what I’ve been working on, but I feel like the time is never right. I will not be active or hardly on tumblr for the unforeseeable future. I am on discord if anyone really wants to talk to me, but I’ve deactivated my socials to give myself some time to focus on myself. I fear that if I continue with this mentality I am not as genuine as I want to be.

now, I didn’t write up this for a sob story, or for pity or attention, but just I hope anyone reading this takes care of themselves always. your mental health is important and finding help the best way you can is the best choice. I need to find like alternatives to therapy where it’s affordable too, even online or something. but yeah, that’s all I’ve wanted to say.

tl;dr : I will be taking a break for the unforeseeable future while I work on personal matters

Take care and please don’t forget me!

- Smiles ᡣ𐭩

[ladyluscinia]

I'm already so sick of how the fallout of ofmd season 2 has snowballed into people on here going "fandom these days just can't handle Bad Things happening in media-- newsflash, characters have to get hurt and die, grow up!" all condescending like. First of all, in the context of Izzy, most people I've seen discuss his death agree that they would've accepted and enjoyed his death if it had just been handled appropriately, and also. "You just can't handle bad things happening to your fave!" Bruh. We were all partying it up when Izzy lost his fucking leg and was suffering physically and mentally. It can be FUN to see your blorbo suffer!

And that is just one example of a larger trend on this site-- people are really gonna come onto the "we love putting our blorbos in the blender and watching them struggle and suffer" site and say "kids these days can't handle Bad Things happening to their blorbos." Sorry, but that's just nonsense. Fandom loves their fix-its, but they also love shattering their faves. The problem has never been Bad Things happening in general, but HOW those things are framed within the narrative and how that narrative is told. The problem is when something is out of place in its genre, or when it goes against a promise the show has made, or when suffering is used flippantly and uncaringly, or when a character suffers and suffers and then just when they've finally caught a break, they're kicked down again, just for a cheap tug at your heartstrings.

Both within the context of ofmd AND in a wider fandom context, fandoms LOVE when our blorbos are hurt, as long as our blorbos are hurt RIGHT.

... And I think it sure is Something that a fandom can have a rampant issue with fans of a character being harassed and sent death threats and that's just "normal fandom being fandom" but god forbid people feel Emotions. About a Character and a Show. And dare to react by... just Offering Criticism! No, death threats are "fandom culture that comes with the territory," but if you vent post or criticize a writing decision in media, THAT'S being "hysterical" and "overly emotional" and "truly frightening behavior!" I just LOVE (big sarcasm) how back when people were getting doxxed and threatened for liking a guy, the fandom was all *cricket noises,* but NOW suddenly everyone is "terrified and exhausted by fandom's volatility" and "concerned about the fragile mental health of fans" when you simply say "damn that episode sucked and I sure am sad about it."

The OFMD fandom was toxic as fuck for a year and a half and continued to be toxic as fuck for all the airing of S2, so hardly surprising that the aftermath of S2 appears to be... toxic as fuck.

Least surprising thing in the world is that the people who hated Izzy and passively or actively supported driving his fans out of the fandom for "ruining it for everyone else" now think his fans should leave the fandom if they are so upset and stop leveraging "baseless criticism" at the show that is "ruining it for everyone else." They have normal not-at-all-parasocial relationships leading them to directly @ David Jenkins and thank him for a season that somehow managed to be both flawless and have all its flaws blamed on MAX, but those wretched Izzy stans have horrible-evil-parasocial relationships making them harass the crew by *footage not found*

If Mr. Jenkins decides to go scroll the #ofmd s2 tag on tumblr and stumbles across me - a random blog and icon - outlining how I think he fucked his show up, that's pretty clearly on him? This is tumblr. I have no relationship with this man or obligation to tailor every word I say as if he's bound to see it and going to take it personally???

I'm actually a big proponent of "Don't @ the cast and crew about pretty much anything" because the same fandom mentality that makes you think you can randomly ask him about your headcanon like you're chatting is what all these people are melting down about if someone directly goes "hey you killed my favorite character and that makes me mad!" - same fucking people, same fucking parasocial relationship. The standard of "only @ them for good things" is the flimsiest fucking line, as any ao3 writer who has received unsolicited "constructive criticism" or "advice" can tell you.

If we want to snidely get into "what this is really about" well it's the same fucking thing it was before:

People substituting subjective opinion as objective fact with zero self-awareness of doing so. "I liked this so it's good." "I didn't like this so it's bad." "I got bad vibes from that character so he was clearly written to be horrendous and unlikable." "I sympathized with this character so anyone suggesting he has flaws is demonizing him."

Or the deepest circle of fandom hell: "I think [insert identity] rep is so important and this piece of media fits into however I personally define 'good rep', therefore it is flawless and/or morally significant enough to be above criticism."

...which, yeah, leads to temper tantrum levels of fandom infighting, especially since people online express, fairly frequently, "I didn't like it because it was bad" and then present evidence for their point. And also a lot of fandom likes bad TV. Or even just mediocre TV that's entertaining.

I personally was not going to be happy about any person beyond one-offs, blatant villains, and background randoms dying because "they had to" (for their own arc or someone else's) because I fundamentally think if you believe you've written yourself into that corner in a workplace comedy that's built around a main romance arc... you're kinda stupid. Yes, even if it's pirate themed. Enough injuries have been walked off and lampshaded to confirm that part is aesthetic.

The fandom wiki for The Office lists 11 deceased characters. Three of them are fictional characters who die in an action-movie episode. Two are one-offs that get named dropped seasons later as having died offscreen. One of them is an offscreen cat, who appears to have had a more significant death plotwise and emotionally than any of the humans, and another is a woman who literally exists as a picture someone makes up a personality for and then discovers the real woman died. The most significant character on the list is a temp boss that got a four episode story arc about being a useless idiot who died in the hospital after a basketball dunking accident.

That is a show that ran for 9 seasons and over 200 episodes. It's pretty universally regarded as good, and the cringe asshole boss getting genuinely moving emotional beats is a big part of that. I think we can maybe pretty confidently say that reflecting the random realities of death is not essential to every story.

If OFMD wants to be evaluated as a hard-hitting drama or a queer story about the struggle of piracy against the Evil Empire, I will compare it to Black Sails instead of The Office. I just don't think David Jenkins is going to enjoy that comparison.

I'm not going to lower my standards because [insert rep reason the show must absolutely be a wild success here].