#again but im gonna miss so much everything
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im redoing the hammond house entirely bc i was making it while still new to hd3d. i made it like 5000 sqft somehow??? that plus all the little details i threw in there were making it lag so bad. it also wasnt accurate to what i had in mind.
so far ive got an accurate Garage Card Table Desk. stupid carpet floor mat on concrete and all!
aaaand some basement :3 ft needles piano and an entertainment center that i spent wayyyy too much time on. there arent any premade, so this is literally some kitchen cabinets and just a bunch of Rectangles. i think it looks kinda swag
i resized it a bit before taking the screenshot, so you could feasibly fit vhs tapes up top. we should bring these things back i miss them lol
more details on how i made some of this below :3
im gonna start including these just bc i cannot stress it enough. i am so not using this thing right 😭 my ass will cobble a bunch of shit together instead of just using blender. theres smth wrong w me ^_^ (autism) ((and im stubborn))
the tarnacop monitor is just the same tv resized! with the stand made invisible. and two decorative boxes for the stand. the colors for the wheels are the same as the like. outside of the tv. so unfortunately you can see the wheels under the table but whatever LOL. oh well.
i just now realized i couldve just used my weird little photoshoped tarnacop for the tower itself but uhhh oops. its once again a heater that i resized (like when i remade my own setup) and the logo is just a painting. the keyboard is from a desk w a computer. just made everything except the keyboard invisible. the mouse is just some oblong football shape thingy i squashed down in there.
the ps1 is a rectangle i think? and then a painting for the ports on the front. i spent so long getting it to look right that i forgot to change the color. bc if rainer had the drive to make fucking PETSCOP the man had the drive to get his hands on a homebrew ps1. and theyre black. oh well.
#eyes#hammond house#petscop#my coworkers will be like what hobbies do you have#and i lie with my whole chest every tiem#they cant know ive spent 257.5 hours making houses for characters#they dont even know what petscop is and i fear they will not survive if they open the floodgates and ask
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I’ve read this story three times already today and I’ve been thinking about it again and again because HELLO??!! How comforting, sweet, hot and beautiful it is?! I’m in love with it, Toxy! It’s better than anything I could wish for!! Thank you thank you thank you🥹😭😍❤️❤️❤️
I have a lot to say so I’m sorry in advance! I screamed and moaned so many times while reading the story!!❤️🔥
Let me be nostalgic and sappy but I teared up when MM ‘met’ her at the brothel first. He was the one who brought me to you and his fics were the first of yours I’ve read and yeah, he’s scary but awww I felt at home right away, seeing him there🥹❤️
Baby Vam is the sweetest, the kindest, the most caring man.
"Sorry, I'm Vahh..." his voice trails off as he realizes how strange this situation must be for you already, without knowing his condition. "Vam. You can call me Vam," he decides.
His condition🥹 the way he thinks about her feelings immediately is so sweet❤️
He passes the front of the mansion and no one notices, they're all watching tv together. Something exciting. A couple of them are bickering. Others are glued to the screen. For a moment, vamp wonders if he's missing a watch party, but he's far more intrigued by you.
I love this little mention of the other joelkemons, it made me so happy! Damn, I’d wanna join that watch party too ahah
PS later I realised that reader (me) was so close to Lincoln Joel there and it made me tense lol that man still gives me major creeps😅
He's handsome, too. You're in a daze, but god, he's good looking, and he's got this vibe, you can tell that much. He has a joint behind his ear and his eyes are slightly glassy. The place smells of weed with a hint of patchouli and shaving cream.
MY MANNNNN Im never gonna be normal about him jfc 😭😵💫🧎🏼♀️🧎🏼♀️🧎🏼♀️ I LOVE that reader is immediately attracted to him!!
You feel strangely at ease in the basement. It feels familiar, like a place you've been in your dreams or fantasies, but hadn't fully visualized. At the same time, it feels foreign, like it's a familiar place in a strange location. A little darker, maybe. A little off. But still, the strong sense that you belong somehow.
HELL YEAH!! That’s my happy place forever and ever!!! I DO belong there!! I love this passage so much!!🥹😍😍😍
He calls over to the bathroom, "Hey nightwalks? Draw her a bath while you're in there."
"Do what to the bath?" night walks laughs at the old fashioned term.
"Run a bath, man. C'mon."
I’m just in LOVE with their dynamic and their bromance alone is so comforting and sweet!! NWs jokes at Vamp here and there but it’s never ever mocking or ill spirited, it made me giggle so much! Love it!!
The water starts, and night walks emerges holding a silk, leopard print robe. He lets it hang over his muscular shoulder as he kneels to take your shoes and socks off.
HELL YEAH🐆🐆🐆🐆 also NWs kneeling to take her shoes off AAHHHHHHHHHHH
He begins to take your clothes off, slow and intimate as if he doesn't know how to do it any other way. His warm hands glide over your hips and up your sides as he lifts your thin, wet shirt.
Of course he doesn’t!!! This man is the sexiest person ever plssss🫠🫠🫠🫠
He rubs you from the front and you moan. "Yeah, that's right, sugar." He closes his eyes and tilts his head slightly upward as he touches you, letting himself get absorbed entirely by the feeling of you in his hands.
The smut, Toxy, DAMNNN he’s just too hot😵💫😵💫🥵🥵🥵 his dirty talk ofc is incredible!! His praise is everything!! I felt so special and hot reading it omg🫠🥰🥰🥰
He rubs you from the front and you moan. "Yeah, that's right, sugar." He closes his eyes and tilts his head slightly upward as he touches you, letting himself get absorbed entirely by the feeling of you in his hands.
AAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He shudders and groans, then his hard-on throbs against you and a warm, wet spot spreads through his PJ pants.
FUCK MEEEEEEE🤤🫠😵💫❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
"Just happened, man," night walks says, then squints. "She familiar to you?"
"Uh, YEAH," vamp agrees. "Smells familiar."
Night walks sucks his slick fingers and says, "Tastes familiar."
Asdfghjkl I can’t with these two😭😍🥵
"Room for three?" night walks asks on behalf of his buddy.
NWs is so so amazing for caring for his buddy like that🥹😭 and later when he puts her hand on Vamp’s cock?! First of all, HOT!! Second, so sweet🥹 I love their friendship😍😍😍
"I think you'll be 'roused," night walks chuckles. "But sure, buddy."
He’s so funny😆 everyone is roused when NWs fucks for sure😌😁
Being sandwiched between them in the bath, falling asleep in their bed, it’s just so dreamy ahhh😍🫠 I’m gonna be there with them whenever I need comfort and thank you, Toxy, for this incredible story and for giving these amazing feelings to me! I’m so happy that writing it was comforting for you too!! They’re the best and I love them but I love you more🫂❤️😘💞💞💞
Heyyyy❤️ I’m here for the sleepover and I hope I’m not late😅 I don’t know what I’m asking for, anything honestly, but I’ve been thinking a lot about my man Nightwalks and his friendship with baby Vamp. I love their bromance so much and I’m definitely not opposed to be in that sandwich. So what if my car breaks down and it’s raining and I happen to walk to the brothel to ask for help and Nws and Vamp take me to their room to warm me up and Vamp is sweet and a little shy and Nws is 🥵🫠😵💫 asdfghjkl ya know, does his thing (this scenario brought me comfort when I was sick the last time🥹) I’m not even asking for smut. Just anything about these two will make me happy❤️😍
Love y’all and love you, Toxy💖💖💖
men of the night
After blowing out your tire, you pull into a sprawling, wooded estate. It's a foggy evening, and you get quite a scare. But your luck turns around when a mysterious man carries you to safety.
STARRING: vampire!Joel x f!reader x night walks!joel
LENGTH: 3.6k words
CONTENT: 18+ comfort, smut, minor injury, blood
NOTES: Love you, kate! I'm so happy these two bring you comfort. Ty ALL for your patience and support. Hope y'all enjoy this one. I do. 🩷
Your phone has been dead for a while by the time your tire pops. As your car hobbles along, you have no choice but to turn into the first driveway you see. Two big, steel gates are sitting open enough for you to pull in. Just after dusk, a dense fog has settled over the area.
What is this place?
You drive slowly, looking for signs of life. Someone you can ask for help, or at least to use their phone.
The road is winding. There are woods, lots of woods. When the tread falls off your tire completely, you’re still in a remote part of the complex, but you have no choice but to pull over.
It starts raining.
-
You get out your tire-changing supplies and you’re taking the spare tire out of your trunk when an imposing figure appears in your peripheral vision. You stare at the tire and freeze. Your heart races. You’d know that figure anywhere. That stance. But it must be your imagination. Michael Myers isn’t stalking around some remote old estate waiting for a victim to blow out their tire. It’s probably the property owner. . . or groundskeeper. Huge groundskeeper. By the time you find the courage to look in the hulking figure’s direction, he’s gone. You exhale in relief, but then–are you hearing things, or are there footsteps receding into the forest?
You need a minute. Deep breaths.
Several deep breaths. Eyes closed.
Then, back to the task at hand.
You start using the tire jack and a sharp corner slices a hot line across the heel of your palm. “Shit,” you whisper.
You’re staring at your hand when a gentle voice some distance behind you calls, “Hey, You okay?” You jump and gasp, and he says, “Didn’t mean to scare ya, sorry.”
You look over to see the silhouette of a man in a cape approaching. As his form pushes through the fog, you can see it’s not a cape, it’s a cardigan. He has the face of a kind professor. “Lost?” he asks, and his nose twitches. You stand up to face him, and his eyes fall on your bleeding hand. “Oh, fuck,” he mutters then yanks his eyes back to your face. He swallows and takes a handkerchief out of his cardigan then steps forward and hands it to you. “Here,” he whispers, then backs up and turns away to offer you a private moment, putting his hands back in his pockets.
You thank him.
His adam’s apple bobs with a swallow, then he inhales through his nose and tilts his head up to the sky and mutters “Jesus.” He takes a deep breath through his mouth and composes himself, then forces a chuckle as he looks at you again. “All good?” he asks.
“Yeah,” you confirm.
“Sorry, I’m Vahh....” his voice trails off as he realizes how strange this situation must be for you already, without knowing his condition. “Vam. You can call me Vam,” he decides.
"Vam," you repeat, then share your name in return.
Your face is overcome with horror, but not at him. You're looking just over his shoulder, toward the woods. He turns to see what you’re looking at–who you’re looking at–Michael Myers, towering in a faded navy jumpsuit, mask and all.
“Mike,” Vamp acknowledges the enormous slasher, then turns back to you to explain, “He prob’ly just wants to help.”
You swallow and your eyes gaze over. You’re still staring over Vamp’s shoulder when Michael lifts up a big wrench. Your eyelashes flutter and your knees buckle under you.
“Oh, sweetheart-” Vamp lunges forward and catches you in his arms as you lose consciousness. “Oh boy,” he mutters to himself.
Michael is still standing there.
Vamp tells him, “Yeah–I’ll uh–you take care’a that, I’ll take care’a her.”
Michael gives a single slow nod, then goes to the stripped tire, tools in tow. Vamp holds you securely with one muscular arm, then the other, as he takes his cardigan off and wraps it around you. “There ya go,” he whispers to you in your sleep, then scoops you up. “I’ve got ya, sweetheart.”
It's not a short walk, and vamp does his best to ignore the beautiful scent wafting from your hand. He passes the front of the mansion and no one notices, they're all watching tv together. Something exciting. A couple of them are bickering. Others are glued to the screen. For a moment, vamp wonders if he's missing a watch party, but he's far more intrigued by you.
As the road winds around back and vamp nears the joel mansion’s basement, you wake up in his arms.
He feels your body tense as you lift your head up and ask, “Where am I?”
“My buddy's place, he’s a real good guy, we’ll get ya dry, and warm, get ya back to your car….”
He seems to carry you effortlessly. You can hardly take your eyes away from his face. He’s handsome and familiar. His eyes nearly glow. Is he real? Is any of this? You wrap your hands around his neck to get a better look. He presses his lips together and gives you a shy look, holding you, a stranger, in a bridal carry with his handkerchief wrapped around your sliced hand and his cardigan wrapped around your body. Your hair has gotten misty in the fog and drizzle, and so has his.
“Who are you?” you ask.
He exhales through pursed lips before answering, "I'm Vam, remember?”
Your eyelashes flutter heavily again.
“Hey, you’re okay, sweetheart” he reassures you. “You’re okay.”
In lieu of knocking at the basement door, Joel taps it with his boot a few times. “N-dub,” he whispers, not wanting to disturb you.
As the door opens, a man is saying, “No more edibles, man. You gotta…” but his voice trails off when he sees you in Vamp’s arms, wrapped up in the cardigan. He’s speechless. He steps out of the way.
He’s handsome, too. You’re in a daze, but god, he's good looking, and he's got this vibe, you can tell that much. He has a joint behind his ear and his eyes are slightly glassy. The place smells of weed with a hint of patchouli and shaving cream.
“Shit, man. Where’d you take her from?” the basement owner asks.
“SHH!” Vamp responds. “I didn’t take her. She was stranded in the rain.”
“She okay?”
“Yeah,” you answer for yourself.
“Michael scared her,” Vamp explains.
“Well shit, guess we’ve all been there,” the man with the vibe says and closes the door behind you.
You feel strangely at ease in the basement. It feels familiar, like a place you’ve been in your dreams or fantasies, but hadn’t fully visualized. At the same time, it feels foreign, like it’s a familiar place in a strange location. A little darker, maybe. A little off. But still, the strong sense that you belong somehow.
Vamp sets you down in an easy chair and they both stand there looking at you, then each other.
The pothead steps forward and squats next to the chair to have a better look. He gently nudges your chin to look toward him, and keeps his hand there. His eyes soften and he bites half his bottom lip as he admires your features, then says, “Well, god damn. . .” Then, as his hand leaves your face, his forearm brushes the cardigan and he feels the light misting of rain on it. “Let’s get you dry,” he offers, and nudges the cardigan open.
Hunger overtakes his face as he catches a glimpse of your body in your rain-soaked clothes. He doesn’t bother averting his eyes from your tits until you accidentally cough.
Vamp reacts, “we gotta hurry, she's getting sick,” and goes to check the closet. “Where are all your clothes?” he asks his best friend.
“Laundry day,” the basement dweller answers. “Shit.”
You ask, “You got a robe or something?”
“Uh, yeah,” he retreats to his bathroom.
Vamp takes the opportunity to discreetly tell you, “Hey, I think he’s kinda into you. So if he makes you uncomfortable at all…”
“I can handle it,” you smile, and you get butterflies at the thought. “What’d you call him? Indub?” you ask.
Vamp chuckles. “That's just his initials. It's Night walks,” vamp answers.
“First name ‘knight’?”
“No you say it like one word, nightwalks.”
“Nightwalks and Vam, huh?”
Vamp nods, then asks, “You want a bath to warm up?”
“Uhhh… I am kinda chilly, yeah”
He calls over to the bathroom, “Hey nightwalks? Draw her a bath while you’re in there.”
“Do what to the bath?” night walks laughs at the old fashioned term.
“Run a bath, man. C’mon.”
The water starts, and night walks emerges holding a silk, leopard print robe. He lets it hang over his muscular shoulder as he kneels to take your shoes and socks off.
Vamp leaves to attend to the bath.
You giggle and flinch as your second sock is pulled off.
“Ticklish?” Night walks smiles, eyebrows up.
You shrug demurely.
He prowls up the lazy chair hovering over you, then kinda hugs you, hooking one strong arm under your back. “Let’s get you outta this,” he murmurs.
You stand, and he helps for balance to make sure you’re not too dizzy.
“I’m okay,” you whisper, and he lets you stand on your own two feet.
He nudges the cardigan off your shoulders and it falls behind you. His eyes scan your body then meet your eyes again. You rub your lips together trying not to flirt with him, but there’s a cheeky sparkle behind your eyes. There’s something darker but equally charming behind his.
And there’s a calming energy that seems to waft from him to you. Comfort and desire is thick in the air.
He begins to take your clothes off, slow and intimate as if he doesn’t know how to do it any other way. His warm hands glide over your hips and up your sides as he lifts your thin, wet shirt.
He lets you keep on the undershirt for now. Not that it makes much of a difference.
He stares at your tits, nipples blazing through the damp, thin undershirt. No bra.
“Freeballin’,” he nods in approval. “My kinda’ girl.”
You can’t help but giggle at that.
He adjusts himself, making your loins buzz, then he kneels to unbutton your jeans. As he takes down the zipper, your face heats up as you remember the panties you’re wearing - they’re printed with a she-devil whose tail points down to your cunt.
“Oohh,” He coos nearly under his breath, “We got a bad girl here.”
You cringe at yourself and mutter, “oh, god,”
He looks up and doesn’t laugh. “My kinda girl,” he repeats, locking eyes with yours.
As he takes your pants down, his hands glide down and around your hips and linger on your ass for a squeeze. “God damn,” he whispers.
Once your pants are off, for the first time, he notices the bloody handkerchief in your hand. It had been tighter in the clutches of your fist before.
“Oh, shit,” he comments. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just a little cut,” you answer and glance at it to check. “It's fine, it stopped bleeding.”
He takes the handkerchief from you and discards it on the chair. He inspects your palm. “I dunno if I got any first aid shit,” he mutters to himself.
“It’s fine, really,” you reassure him. He holds your hand, inspecting your palm, then looks at your face again. His eyes fall on your mouth and he seems to forget what he was thinking about. He wets his lips. “God damn, you’re hot,” he murmurs.
“Thanks,” you whisper, thinking the same about him.
He laces his fingers with yours as he steps even closer, then he brings his hands to your waist.
Your head tilts upward, watching him look back and forth between your eyes.
He leans in and your lips meet.
There’s a spark, more of a spark than you’ve ever felt, and he must feel it, too. He slips his tongue into your mouth as his hand meanders and grabs your ass. “Mm,” he hums into your mouth. You put your arms around his neck and he pulls you against him. A warm bulge throbs against you, making you moan into his mouth.
He breaks the kiss to murmur, “There’s my bad girl,” then he kisses you again and crosses his hands behind your back to take off your undershirt.
He takes a long, deep breath as he looks at your tits, then urgently pulls you up against him again, one hand cradling your head as he feeds you his tongue
He grinds against you as you kiss, and your fingers lift the back of his shirt. He takes it off, breathing heavily, then says, “c’mere, baby.” His lips attack your neck as his thumbs hook into your panties and pull them down below your ass cheeks. He gives you a little spank then groans into your neck.
Fuck, he's hot.
His palm slides down your crack and between your legs until his middle finger can feel your dripping hole. “Hell yeah,” he breathes against your neck as he reaches further. Then he breaks away from your neck and wedges his other hand in between the two of you to finger you from the front. The hand in the back palms a cheek, fingers spanning quite a distance on your skin.
He rubs you from the front and you moan. “Yeah, that's right, sugar.” He closes his eyes and tilts his head slightly upward as he touches you, letting himself get absorbed entirely by the feeling of you in his hands.
You're hypnotized by the veins on his neck and the rhythm of his fingers through your slick.
The way he touches you, it’s like he knows exactly what you like. And his hands, they feel so…
“Oh, daddy,” the word slips from your lips and he replies, “Mmm,” and looks down to observe your face of pleasure. He grinds himself against your hip as he fingers you just the way you like. Like he'd done it dozens of times before - to you.
“Yeah, cum for daddy,” he breathes then nudges your forehead with his nose, prompting you to lift your chin for his lips to take yours again.
He moans into your mouth, the shape of his cock stiff against your hip through his PJs, his hand between your legs, and one on your ass.
As his fingers push you over the edge, you break away to moan, then stifle it in his bare shoulder, gently biting.
“Good girl,” he whispers, “fuck yeah.”
You cum in the palm of his hand, and he moans.
“Attagirl,” he breathes, “fuck.”
He shudders and groans, then his hard-on throbs against you and a warm, wet spot spreads through his PJ pants.
“Damn,” he mutters.
A short sigh comes from behind you.
“Hey “ Night walks greets vamp matter of factly as he catches his breath. He looks vamp up and down and vamp casually covers his crotch, prompting a smirk from night walks.
Vamp clears his throat, “Bath’s ready.”
“Thanks,” night walks says. “Now I need one too,” he chuckles, then turns his attention back to you. “You’re real damn hot, you know that?”
He kisses you gently on the mouth then says, “finish this later,” with a wink. He pulls your soaked panties from your thighs down to your feet and helps you into the silk robe.
-
You make your way into the bathroom and Vamp lingers in the living room with night walks. Never judging, he’s simply raising his eyebrows in a question - how did that happen?
“Just happened, man,” night walks says, then squints. “She familiar to you?”
“Uh, YEAH,” vamp agrees. “Smells familiar.”
Night walks sucks his slick fingers and says, "Tastes familiar."
“Nice bathroom,” you announce, and both men file into the room to see if you need anything. “Never seen a bathtub this big,” you add, stretching out your arms, tits on display.
Night walks takes the opportunity to ask, “Want some company?”
“Sure,” you smile, and he takes down his pj pants.
“Room for three?” night walks asks on behalf of his buddy.
“Yeah,” you agree.
Night walks asks, “You wanna be sandwiched or wanna look at his pretty face?” He can’t let vamp sit behind you. Too much neck access.
“I’ll take the extra body heat,” you answer with a flash of your eyebrows.
-
Night walks gets in the bath behind you and settles his legs outside yours. You can feel all of him against your back. He sneaks in a squeeze of both tits as vamp prepares to get in front of you.
Vamp is a solidly built man. Not in a distinctly muscular way. A little softer than night walks, but he’s just so broad. His back flexes as he gets into the tub and rests back on you. His hair smells nice. And your tits feel amazing against his back.
Sandwiched between them, you feel their breathing. You just sit and feel it for you don’t know how long. Your breathing synchronizes. All three of you.
You’re almost lulled asleep--maybe you even are asleep-- until vamp gasps softly.
You look down to see a faint red plume coming from your hand.
“Oh, crap,” you react.
“He can take care’a it,” Night walks murmurs, sounding half asleep. “He’s got ya.”
“How?” you ask.
“Kiss it better, man,” night walks encourages, then sighs with how comfortable he is with you nestled between his legs, laid back on his chest. He gets a waft of your hair and sighs, “Mm.”
“You gonna kiss it better?” you ask vamp with a giggle.
“Sure, I can if ya want,” he offers and holds your wrist. He plants a kiss on the lower end of your wound, letting his lips linger long enough to inhale as much of your scent his nostrils can get.
It’s not just a kiss. To the naked eye, it’s just a kiss, but it feels like more. It feels like healing. It feels almost like...pleasure. He takes his lips away and the part he kissed is no longer bleeding.
“Whoa,” you whisper.
“Pretty cool, huh?” Night walks mutters over your ear.
“You want more?” vamp asks.
“Yeah,” you answer. No brainer.
Night walks takes your un-injured hand around to vamp’s abdomen and rests it on vamp’s thick, semi-hard, uncut cock. The shape under your hand sends a pang of desire down your spine and between your legs.
“might lose a little blood,” vamp warns. “But not much.” He brings your hand to his mouth, kisses your wound again, starting at the top and sliding his lips all the way down it. Then he shifts his lips a bit, and something smooth begins to slowly trace the cut as his lips slide back up the wound. You feel a suction along the cut, and at the same time, his cock stiffens under your palm. You reflexively palm his shaft, holding it against his stomach.
The suction in your palm feels good. Your nipples harden and a rush of pleasure shoots down your chest, then lower.
“Oh, god,” you whisper.
When he reaches the top of the cut, his lips break away with a moan, as you continue to massage him. “More?” he asks breathily.
You nod, “please.”
He repeats the process, ever so slowly, twice. . .and you go from massaging his cock to pumping it, until he’s coming against his stomach underwater, moaning into your hand.
When night walks slips his hand between you and vamp, you realize your hips have been moving, seeking pressure. Night walks finishes you off, and God, you cum hard.
Night walks’s dick is hard against your back, and you’d love to do something for him, but you’re utterly spent. Your palm looks good as new, and you can hardly keep your eyes open. Vamp twists his torso to look back and check in on you. He idly tongues his sharp incisor.
You look at him, eyelashes fluttering and say, “You’re….” He closes his lips and swallows, and he looks away, expecting you to say that word he doesn’t like. But you don’t. . . “Special,” you say, making his heart swell.
“You too,” he whispers as your eyelids fall shut.
Your head lulls back against night walks and he asks vamp, “she okay?”
“Yeah,” vamp answers. “Most people can’t process that kind of pleasure their first time.”
“That’s why she’s passed out? God damn,” night walks says. “We’re the dream team, buddy.”
“Let’s get her to bed,” Vamp says.
—-
“This is all good, right?” vamp asks night walks as they get you situated nude in the bed. All three of you are dried off.
“Yeah, bud,” night walks reassures vamp in a whisper. “We’ve got a duty to act.”
“That’s doctors,” vamp replies, then lowers his whisper more. “Not….men of the night.”
“Shhh,” night walks replies. "we gotta keep her warm."
You stir and let out a sigh. Vamp is wearing silky shorts and night walks is in fresh boxer briefs.
They settle in on either side of you. After a minute, vamp whispers, “hey, n-dub?”
“Yeah?”
“Is she really familiar to you?”
“Yeah,” night walks answers unequivocally.
“Me too,” vamp agrees. “I think she–”
“Let’s talk about it later,” night walks whispers.
“Yeah,” vamp agrees.
“Get some sleep, man,” night walks encourages.
Vamp starts to respond, “I…” then doesn’t bother. “Yeah.”
“Oh. Sorry, bud.”
“It’s okay,” vamp says, then asks, “but hey, if I go in my restful state, will you rouse me if you're gonna fuck her?”
“I think you'll be ‘roused,” night walks chuckles. “But sure, buddy.”
Vamp gets up on his elbow, then hovers over your face. strokes your cheek and plants a kiss on your forehead. “Sweet dreams,” he whispers.
---
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I sincerely hope y'all enjoyed this as much as I did 💕. Ty kate for the prompt that kinda led me to write a comfort fic for myself too lol.
Note: in English, "woman of the night" is a tame or old fashioned way of saying female sex worker
#fic rec🔥🔥🔥#Toxy❤️#NWs❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥#Vamp🩸❤️#brothel sleepover 💕#vampire!joel#night walks!joel#joel miller x reader#joel miller smut#toxicanonymity ☠️#cw daddy kink
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Last season of heartbreak high has officially ended their production, im gonna cry, i didn't expect this to end so fast
#heartbreak high#i wish we could have more seasons#but i know they did a great job for this last season#again but im gonna miss so much everything#malakai please comeback and tell everything to amarie 🙏#i hope that they make the things work up for everyone#just mery's thoughts
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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just a few javieran horse headcanons because i like them a normal amount
branwen
- tall AND fat. kieran makes sure he’s always fed (maybe even accidentally a teensy bit overfed. just because kieran can’t help but indulge him when he butts him with his head or nuzzles at his pockets when he knows there’s treats in there. but never too much because ‘obesity is a problem, even in animals !’). probably about 17hh, taller than average for a kentucky saddler but nothing too big. especially since kieran himself is quite tall
- VERY well-tempered, both naturally, as well as because kieran has literally made him bulletproof. bagged him, blanketed him, stood, jumped, backflipped onto and off of him. this kindly gentleman of a horse only spooks when he wants to be bratty specifically.
- i think he’s about 6 or so, came from the stables kieran worked at after being orphaned, he was just a colt when kieran was just a kid. kieran learned how to birth foals quickly, and branwen happened to be one of them. with the way that they fell in love with each other and the way that branwen whinnied and pranced up to the fence when kieran came back to buy him after the army didn’t work out, you’d think that horse was born just for him.
- his favourite treats, in order, are rutabaga (kieran’s secret for branwen’s glossy coat. also why he’s kinda fat.), boiled potatoes mixed into his oats, apples, and fresh greens. he’s simultaneously incredibly easy to please because of the simplicity of the latter parts of his favourites list and also very needy and complicated because kieran so loves to make his pony happy with his absolute favourite treats, so he tries his very best to get branwen’s eccentric tastes pleased once falling into the VDL’s.
- i always say “a horse’s favourite thing to do is hurt itself”, and i think this statement holds relatively true for branwen as well, though there’s a 25% chance that he’s actually hurt, a 50% chance that he’s only mildly injured or spooked and he’s playing it up to get kieran to dote on him, and a 25% chance that he will protect kieran with his life when they’re in a dire situation (see: snake on the ground or gunfire nearby. or even god forbid a spare tumbleweed find it’s way rolling nearby.) despite kieran’s last wish being his horse getting injured. branwen thinks that he’s gotta be The Man and protect his dad sometimes. it does not help in any situation ever whatsoever.
- branwen is the PERFECT companion for a trail riding date. he’s settled, calm, has a great gait, and as a gelding, truly is not worried about other horses being “faster” than him, so he never gets rowdy nor has any problems when partner riders/horses crowd him. kieran is allowed to ask for as many kisses as he pleases because branwen will never jump when javier’s gold-tipped boots poke him in the side and boaz irritatedly flicks his flank with his tail. truly a goated wingman. also never complains about long rides, and enjoys being out of camp with his rider for as much as physically possible for both of them, so he’s never barnsour in either direction.
boaz
- as an american paint, he’s naturally short and stocky. saddle ends up being a bit loose, though, as javier isn’t as dedicated to keeping him perfectly fed or groomed. he loves him, sure, but horses are somewhat of tools to him, so he kinda does slightly more than bare minimum to keep him kempt and healthy. around 14.5hh, slightly shorter than average and quite dense with muscle
- temperamentally a bit volatile. this horse has just as much drama as his rider, if not a little more. doesn’t like something ? ridden too long ? that stick looks too much like a snake ? hasn’t spent enough time with kieran that day ? he will snort and grunt and bunny hop if javi isn’t on him, and shudder hard enough the saddle shakes underneath him if he is. boaz likes to please his rider, but he also demands pleasure himself, and has no issue with “accidentally” placing a hoof on his owners nice, intentionally clean boots, and subsequently slowly leaning more and more of his weight onto it when he doesn’t immediately get what he wants. bratty pony. generally, he keeps javier safe, though, when it comes down to it.
- around 5 years old. after dutch found javier trying to steal chickens the first time they met, he soon took him back to that ranch and their first take as gang leader and member was a 1 year old grey paint colt for javi to train and subsequently ride. until he was rideable, javier rode a morgan that was formerly hosea’s, named carolina, while he lead boaz everywhere behind him.
- favourite treats, in order, are corn cobs (especially dried), prickly pear fruit AND cactus, sugar cubes, and sliced apples. will force javier to share his maiz with him. javier has always sliced his apples up since he was a colt, not only because javi simply finds comfort in toying with his knife, but also because boaz will not eat them otherwise. javi will also cut all of the spines off of the cactus before letting boaz eat them.
- in terms of injury, boaz is the most dramatic tank on the planet. this horse could arthur morgan-style run face first into a tree and then fall off a cliff and walk it off. but not before he gimps and limps and whines and teeth grinds his way into javier leading him instead of riding him for the next mile or two. once kieran started taking care of him, there is also a 25% chance of boaz faking a terribly painful injury just to get kieran to dote on him.
- kinda the worst wingman ever LMFAO easily annoyed, easily aroused, easily offended, and as a stallion, HAS to walk in front of the “herd” (his rider’s boyfriend and his horse). pins his ears back, smashes into personal space, flicks branwen with his tail (and preferably kieran, if he can reach him) even sometimes will nip at branwen if the latter tries to calmly make this date a date and not a life or death race (whoever loses, their dad is gay) and walk side-by-side to aid their riders’ hand holdings. will make executive decisions via stopping or veering off for fresh green grass beside the trail, will at points actively attempt to shudder javier out of his saddle (has succeeded once when javi was distracted by a story being excitedly told by kieran), and will also spook and take off running so fast javier thinks it must have broken his neck from the velocity. generally makes trail rides a living hell, but kieran finds it charming, and it makes for some cute shoujo-style “omg … *reaches out to help you up after your horse bucks you off because he saw a log that looked nothing at all and everything like a cougar and pink and white soft bubbles surround me* are you okay ? here, let me help.” moments. maybe some day boaz will be allowed off of the national american terrorist list written by javier “rizzless rider” escuella
ok im tired and that’s all i can think of please enjoy and feel free to contribute 👍 i love them so bad im gona cry
#i’m at the gym for the first time since my od and ouugghh i’m so emotional#it’s 2am aslo. ouu they haunt me#i love thinking about them being silly little domestic cowboys#and just going on dates and riding their little horsies#my fav horse girls !1!!11!1!1!! even tho javi isn’t a horse girl really but in my heart he is cuz kieran loves trail rides#and so javieran go on trail rides a lot as well as “’riding into town’ as an excuse to get out of camp together#javier is so good at listening he truly learned the art of shutting up when he couldn’t speak english and also was learning in america that#he really should trust sparingly because the new world was so incredibly hostile to him from the start simply for being who he was and where#he came from#so he’s such a great active listener and while it’s kinda a trauma response it also works very well for javierans relationship because kiera#has never in his life ever felt important or safe or like anything he said mattered to anyone so perfect brilliant ‘i’m listening go on’ jab#vier makes kieran feel so loved and heard in ways he’s never ever in his life experienced and javi takes them fishing and riding and to the#stables constantly because he’s LISTENED to kieran and kieran never has to ask to do something he wants to do because javi’s already HEARD h#im (and he also knows kieran would never ask for anything first ever because he never feels like he deserves anything at all. nor even feels#safe enough to dare).#and javier gets his cake and eats it too when kieran asks and asks and asks because kieran cares about EVERYTHING right from the getgo beau#se unlike javier kieran has been entirely unable to turn his heart off at all in any capacity so he loves and loves ans loves against his wi#ll so javier has been so adored from the start because kieran can’t HELP it so he gets him gifts and learns things for him and javi just as#much never has to ask for much other than courage from kieran. ever. can anyone hear me is anyone lidtening ouuu#ok enough sorry they make me so emptipnal#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#javieran#kieran duffy#javier escuella#text#hero's talking to himself again#hero’s waxing poetry again#i think that was the tag ¿#im gonna throw up i miss them so bad they’re everything to me oouuggyuuuy
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Regarding Demise: He is an interesting concept, as is the whole eternal cycle, but for that to actually become something worthwhile the games/stories would have to actually DO something with it. So far they are introduced in Skyward Sword and thats it! No other game even references them. And, yes, that cheapens EVERY other game because there is this implication that its all out of the control of the actual characters in the story because of this one asshole that we only ever saw once! Why not have Ganondorf realize that he is possessed/manipulated by this weird old Demon God? How would he react, would he embrace it, would he rebel, would he be broken by the realization that none of his actions were ever *his*? I dont even care which of these options they pick, as long as they pick any of it and do just ANYTHING with the concept.
Or maybe Link or Zelda figures out the Cycle and starts looking into breaking it because endlessly repeating Demon Attacks kinda suck and you dont want that for your descendants.
Or have a game focus on them remembering bits from past lives and having to piece it all together or, again, just ANYTHING!
The closest they ever came to was with BOTW Zelda praying to Hylia, aka HERSELF, to unlock her powers, which is some brutal narrative irony, but not much more.
And regarding the whole Zelda is Hylia thing, I've seen some headcanons about how Skyward Sword Zelda is terrified of herself after learning that, because she now has to assume that everything she did was planned by a version of her that she no longer is. Is Link her friend or is he the useful pawn that Hylia needs to turn into the Hero? Does she even deserve his affection when she probably manipulated him into becoming her champion and fighting, possibly dying for her all her life?
Thats juicy, thats something you can do something with but Nintendo really does like to plan those stories game per game without any care for the larger story.
Which I guess is the Irony of it all. They tried the whole larger connected story/universe thing once: With Skyward Sword. After all that was also the time we got the first Hyrule Historia & "official timeline" as well as "How it all began" in the game itself.
It felt like the start of a new era for Zelda games and stories and then it just... wasn't.
And while I get that they want to focus on gameplay over story, I will never stop mourning the stories we could get/have gotten, if they put a bit more thought into things.
I actually feel like its harder to make the 'cycle' into an interesting plot point when its a .. divine thing that happens, and not perpetuated by the people (though not impossible, given how the series is build up it would need alot of work to not make it worse still..)-
i actually cannot stand the idea that ganondorf is possessed or manipulated, made eviler by demise somehow (demise is dead, leave him beeeeee hes not some evil master mind behind anything aaaaah) bc it STILL takes away ganondorfs agency and character and gives right into the whole hes basically born evil and just pushes the fault tm onto someone else it in turn legitimizes that the kingdom of hyrule and its high rule (heehoo) is right and if only gan wasnt manipulated hed be good tm, aka allied with the goodest guys, hed gladly accept their invitation and join their holy empire of goodness tm if wasnt for da demon
(and i love to say, who decides what is good tm and evil tm? bc hyrules monarchs making every other tribe their subordinate and persecuting shiekah for example isnt what id call good but its fine bc the good holy guys did it in the name of "peace" -what is their idea of peace? everyones under their rule and must worship their god? uh oh- and resistance to it is gonna get you labelled as evil!! (unless you join their holy kingdom and become their vassal of GOOD) what good and evil boils down to in zelda is .. being allied/ruled by the kingdom of hyrule and being opposed to them, even if its only not wanting to be subjugated by them)
i can see the appeal to some degree, but i dont like the idea of ganondorf even being able to be manipulated or possessed, what makes his character, before it got flattened into well he just be demon in the eyes of the average fandom, interesting is his unbreakable will, that drive to keep on living and resisting those that want him dead, its poetic and sad, to the point that (until totk ...) it was really just ONE ganondorf that refused to die and came back over and over (also something i found a compelling thought for botw, that after all this time theres nothing left BUT his will to resist, its a tragic idea that rly spoke to me)
my personal idea of the cycle is that its only a cycle bc they, the kingdom of hyrule and their belief system, keep it going, its not a divine thing that needs to be broken (though the divine surely messes with it, just for the bit i guess) but something that keeps repeating bc hyrule is so soaked into the idea that their princess once was a god and hers is the right to rule it all in light- so anyone who doesnt agree must be of the demons from the darkness seeking to destroy the world, and what means the 'world' could just mean the kingdom of hyrule- in botw even with the calamity people went on and lived, same in windwaker, they dont need the holy kingdom to live- (who is to say the 'monsters' are bad for the land, to me they mostly looked like well adapted territorial beasts, and the bokblins etc clearly arent mindless monsters either, why do they need to be eradicated? they attack you? ok dont go into their territory, or defend yourself, you dont need to exterminate something just bc it could be a threat at some point)
(i do agree that conflict with zelda being interesting but uuuh .. well they never did anythign with that huh)
in the end, demise was just a throw away villain, and if i may get my tin foil hat back here, i feel like the whole creation myth skyward sword does was really just a way for them to get out of the predicament of having to consider a villain to be treated like a person to save themselves from having to think about what they imply and can just go, well this is the evil demons, this is the good gods- ironically enough the attempt to get out of having to consider complicated writing it ends up reversing straight back into the WORST of kinds of implications .. that arent even subtext anymore, if totk is anythign to go by, the most 'simple' or 'easy' narrative to go for might not be actually simple, just a so often retold one that it appears simple if not made aware of its dark maw, the status quo repeated ad nauseam
(and if i may, the whole gameplay over story thing is bs in my eyes, that sounds like the typical attempt of dismissing any critique, just like the stupid, and frankly, offensive "its just for kids" argument, story and gameplay are inherently intertwined, the story influences the gameplay, the gameplay influences the story, especially in a series like zelda that is a futile thing to go for and a reason why the stories themselves lack depth, how are you gonna have an epic adventure that drives you to get through any amount of puzzles and battles if there is no story to motivate you, at this point it feels like the series has set itself up for catastrophic failure bc i imagine, people might just keep buying and playing the games bc its attached to the series, bc they hope to see characters they loved return, new ones that will grab their attention, perhaps be taken away by a world that meant alot to them once before, hope that there will be something exciting-
i am not saying the series has no value or doesnt do anything well (hello who am i) but how many times can you repeat 'this guy good he fight evil guy he get the pretty princess as reward' without any interesting twists or narrative, even the most beloved characters can only keep it passable for so long, even the best gameplay loses its potential if its surrounded by cardboard characters and a story so "simple" as offensive it fits into a single page, i often wonder how a game would be seen if it wasnt titled -the legend of zelda- ..
it hurts especially when looking at its long history, how much estblished thigns it could exploit and expand, the potential the series has is still immense, it hurts to see it be wasted over and over :(
#ganondoodles answers#ganondoodles talks#zelda#i dont need it to be mind breaking#i just want it to be interesting#botw was interesting to me!! so much so!! god i miss loving that game- totk just gives everything a bitter taste..#i dont find echoes of wisdoms lore that interesting as some seem to do#the main thing being you play.. as zelda (and need to transform into link via mystic energy to be able to actually fight hahaaa)#and i find that cool but also a little .. sad? like this series is so set in its path that even playing as the other good guy is a big hook#i have nothing much against the game (other than how zelda is handled- of course she da priestess not a hero .. the FUCKING UI ARGH)#idk totk kinda killed how invested i was into the lore#im just kinda numb to it by now ... like whatever#i still care mind you- but it would take alot ot get me excited again#also this long ass response isnt meant agressively or something#i just have .. opinions tm#also .. the whole breakign the cycle is the entire idea of my totk rewrite- with zelda having to realize she is part of what perpetuates it#and everything shes been told all her life was a lie- shaking her entire worldview to the core#anyway#im gonna guess this wasnt the point of the ask but uh ... words go brrrrr
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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For the ask game, I have to know your take on Widomauk. What made you ship them?
oh I feel like it's very predictable of me, but....I was watching all the early episodes of C2 live from day one, and it was so exciting to see everyone's relationships evolve and grow week after week, never knowing what would come next. But I don't think I ever actually shipped anything until Alfield--when Molly runs in to put out the fire and comfort Caleb. Gives him a tender forehead kiss and some soft words of encouragement, carrying him back out into the sunlight with Beau. I think that's what really did it, and I've adored them ever since :')
There's also some adorable moments right before the Nein lose Molly. "Ja, ja." "Oh, that's cute." And, "'The only magical thing here is you, friend.' Pat pat on the cheek," certainly come to mind. And I'm pretty sure that's in the episode before he dies. So,, yeah, it was........very easy to get attached, not knowing what was coming. And seeing those two have all these lovely little soft and playful moments right up until episode 26--and I was so excited to see where their story would go, and really thought they had a whole campaign ahead of them...
So I shipped them since pretty much the beginning, and once things start heading into Aeor arc--when Caleb realizes getting Molly back is a real possibility, that "reunion" is possible and he keeps fighting for it? It just warmed my whole heart. I always found all these little glimpses of their relationship compelling, but you really don't see how much Molly truly means to Caleb until after he's gone. "Shine bright, Circus Man," Caleb digging Molly's grave, and everything that comes after--how he grieves and mourns, but never truly "knows defeat" until he believes he's lost Molly again for good. Asking everyone what they even came all the way to Aeor for, if it wasn't all to bring back Mollymauk--
Kingsley falling for Caleb all over again when he wakes up just feels so right to me, and I enjoy those little stolen moments between him and his Magician so much. I really hope one day they get the chance to explore those feelings more--or at least, King reaches a place where he's more comfortable opening up to Caleb. I feel like the fact he always insists he isn't the same but still lets Caleb call him his Circus Man says a lot, as does him experiencing the same feelings for him again and again. Something about constants and every incarnation of Tealeaf sharing the same heart.
I feel like there's a just,, a lot of elements that make widomauk so compelling to me, and I've babbled about them so much. It's bittersweet and nostalgic, it's two people with such painfully similar pasts and scars giving each other hope.
Molly bringing a bit of color and this spark of light into Caleb's life--the way it makes Caleb so determined to save Molly in turn. How their positions kind of reverse over the course of the narrative; Caleb being in this place where he has had so much time and space to grow and heal, while King is still very much haunted and running from the past. Caleb always reaching out the way Molly did for him.
There's a lot that really drew me to them, and I think it can kinda be summarized by that one bit in the Lucien novel where Molly thinks back on that forehead kiss so fondly. Caleb being "softness and light" to him is just...the sweetest thing to me.
And I think my favorite line of the campaign is Caleb begging Molly not to give up, promising that he deserves another chance, that he has his whole life ahead of him, "Please don't give up, you can still find your own life again. There will be time for that later." Caleb being a fond memory from Tealeaf's past, and the promise of his future--
#thanks for the ask!#and Im sorry I feel like this is very predictable but. i saw the forehead kiss live in the year 2018 and it made my heart melt lmao--#early c2 was so fun i miss the feeling of it all#but looking back there is also so much lovely soft widomauk moments after all the tragedy. and tealeaf being reborn#and still feeling for caleb again means so much to me. as does caleb risking everything to bring him home. pushing for a resurrection--#they are so star crossed and special to me :')#I didnt think any other ship was gonna win me over like that by the end. and then taliesin really cemented it with 'oh youre cute magic man
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definitely definitely definitely have to go to bed, once again I very much enjoyed all of those episodes but I also have such conflicted feelings...... ahaha
#still... remaining hopeful.......#just like I said last time#the parts I disliked was everything with viktor#and the parts I loved was everything else lol#ohhhhh ahahaha and that act three preview#he's once again gonna get resurrected and it isn't even his choice!!!#don't like how they've treated him nope nope nope#please I am begging you. on hands and knees#huuuuuuhhgggghh im gonna miss the machine herald so much guys#they said the line but THAT'S NOT WHO HE IS.......#don't get hyper fixated on characters just dont do it#I'm literally drenched in sweat#because I was watching that whole episode SWEATING 😭#it's okay I have no fear because we are so back and he will come back and be the machine herald and#(takes gigantic puff of copium joint)#(falls onto the ground in a pathetic heap)
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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https://x.com/gdh559/status/1813467753891979383
HELLOOOOOOOO?????!!!!!!????!!!!!!??! LET’S GO CINEMATOGRAPHY AND SYMBOLISM AND STORYTELLING AND VISUALS AND COLORS AND MOTIFS AND COMPOSITION AND PARALLELS AND CAMERA ANGLES AND TRANSFORMATION AND ACTOR JEFF SATUR AND SEQUENCE OF IMAGES I WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
god how many chances there are of this getting released internationally and in italy specifically because i would LOVE to watch it in an actual theater like the trailer alone already looks so visually stunning and emotionally devastating i need to experience this movie like god intended!!!!!!!!!!!!
IM GENUINELY SO EXCITED FOR THIS I CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TO DESTROY ME IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE
#THERE ARE ALREADY SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO TALK ABOUT EVEN IF IT'S ENTIRELY TOO EARLY FOR IT#IM GONNA TRY TO WAIT BUT ALSO GOD#CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW EVERYTHING UNFOLDS#thank you so so much for sending me the trailer anon!!!!!!!!#i had completely missed it with we are ending#thank you again and i hope you're having a wonderful day!!!!!! 💜#the paradise of thorns#m: ask
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My partner finally finished BG3 but has no idea that his ending was actually bad cause he was a pro-Vlaakith githyanki who rode off with Lae'zel but got NO EPILOGUE where Withers points out y'all died im 😭😭😭
they have no idea what happened with Gale or anyone else (who was still alive) after flying away 🙃🙃🙃
#i cant even tell him cause hes gonna play again more “normally”#its so tragic he would like skip dialogue and just fight to get the jump on boss battles instead of waiting for the cutscenes to start#and he didn't exhaust dialogue trees!! like... how... why...#and also he staked Astarion 😭 and p much never reloaded#and didn't clear the shadow curse so no Halsin#also everyone at Last Light Inn died so Dammon was gone and Karlach only got 2 upgrades#and he didnt know moonrise towers was basically a second town#and his game was buggy a lot maybe? cause he kept trying to be hella creative with things and do things out of order#like killing gortash before doing steel watch 🙃#it's fine it's fine everyone plays differently#he tends to care more about gameplay than anything else but still!!#i just want him to know all the character backstories and see everything that made me emotional#i mean he did say he was sad when Lae'zel broke up with him in act 3 and when Karlach died and when he had Gale use the orb in act 2#which he considered his canon ending :/ sigh#i dont think he got Jaheira's lines about death#and he didnt understand why Karlach wouldn't go back to the hells#and he thought Wyll was happy being the duke (and has NO idea you could save his dad cause the mission didn't happen!! 😭)#the iron throne was like my fave mission outside of killing Cazador and I can't discuss either one cause he didn't do them properly yet 😭😭#he also avoided talking to children so he missed those quests and yenna glitched so no cat appeared in camp 🙃#sighhhhh cannot believe he plays so differently than i do lollll#he didn't even do unlimited kisses with Lae'zel!! meanwhile im over here kissing Astarion every night hahahah#hoping my partner doesn't see IRL if I have the office door open as if it matters lmfaooooo#i need him to play again and see why im in love with a video game character lol#maybe we could both um... benefit from knowing more about all of Astarion's scenes lmao#but like he has NOT SEEN Astarion's silly or sweet side yet just him being a bit of a chaotic vampire#and thinks i like him cause of vampires WRONG!! play the game again and see that i love his silly & sweet real self!#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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I don't think I have the words to properly communicate how I feel right now. I'm grasping at the hem of my own life. I've been stumbling along my life from the sidelines recently. I genuinely didn't want to live for a not insignificant time of this year. So much shit happened all at once that I thought I wasn't gonna get through to this point.
I feel like I'm regaining myself. I can straighten out my back and walk with purpose again. I can make myself a breakfast and enjoy flavors. I can sing at the top of my lungs and cry and I can feel. I can feel so much again. I almost lost myself and I'm so happy that I'm back. I missed being alive.
#im so glad I didnt do anything stupid a few months ago when everything really was at its worst for me#i was close to doing something I was gonna regret and I'm crying now because I feel like life is worth living again. I had given up hope.#i love all my friends so much if you read this and you consider me your friend please know I've been going through a LOT the last two years#and I have missed you just as much as I have missed being alive. thank you all for being patient and understanding#thank you
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#jhhh I'm so fucking scared#im so exhausted and tired and i do not think i will pull this off#trying to move tomorrow and i. i have some help but#ii don't know if it's enough#I don't know if I've thought of everything in fact i know i haven't#and I'm so scared something I've missed is going to fuck me over#im trying so fucking hard I swear#i swear i swear i swear#ii just want this to work i just want something i do to finally work i#......i want help and i swear I'm trying so hard to ask for it but I'm so bad and it's so hard to find regardless#what if it's not enough what if I'm not enough what if i can't park what if i can't move everything what if#what if i didn't make a request to the damn place what if they don't let me do stuff tomorrow it was so hard getting this much help at all#ii don't think i can do it again *certainly* not in time#fuck fuck fuck fuck I'm so goddamn panicked I need to sleep but i CAN'T#gghhhh#....everything hurts so damn bad#iim barely gonna be able to help tomorrow i....#i hate this i hate being so useless#worthless just taking up space i#ffuck#im so tired
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🤷🏻♀️ meh
#having a lot of feelings once again about things that can’t really be solved#just feeling lonely af - in a romantic sense#i’ve got amazing friends but i just want more#i want it so much to have that again i feel like im gonna choke on it#im terrified that this is it for me#i had my chance and someone who loves me and it’s gone#it’s funny because i don’t miss having someone that loves me - i miss loving someone#nothing in my life is coming close to allowing that to happen though#working a dead end office job#still living with my ex husband (who still wants me back)#brought my dad to live with me because of how things were back in brazil#living in a country that just feels like the middle of nowhere where nothing happens and everything is too far and too expensive#and feeling very ungrateful because i do have a great life#i shouldn’t be complaining and i shouldn’t be feeling like this over *romance*#but i am#and i can’t do anything about it#i can’t just talk this through and i can’t just work on it#it’s just how it is and how it’s going to be#at least i can bury myself in fics and ignore all of this until the next time i have too much time on my hands to think about life
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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