#again a lot of this comes from my friend that I just subscribed too wholeheartedly bc I LOVE IT

[fleetways]

I am fascinated by Ometal, may I inquire about it?

Credit where credit is due, my friend was the one who got me into ometal and pretty much everything I like about it came from conversations we’ve had and ideas he’s come up with.

Basically this all stems from the idea of “what if metal sonic joined team dark,” since team dark were the ones that picked up Metal’s body after he’s defeated at the end of sonic heroes

Unfortunately nothing ever came of this in canon, but in another universe I don’t think metal sonic wouldn’t have been satisfied returning to eggman’s side after getting a taste of freedom and power of his own (plus, I think if he had returned, eggman would have put measures into place to ensure he was never betrayed again, which is my personal headcanon as to why metal sonic doesn’t speak nor really play a very large narrative role anymore). Of course after the events of Heroes he’s also too damaged to go anywhere else, so w/o any other options he decides to stick with Team Dark. I think Shadow would be the one to offer it, as he and Metal already have a lot in common and we see that they work well as a team in games like Sonic Rivals 2 (Metal is also one of the few characters Shadow has verbally expressed outright concern for, so there’s that). I also think Shadow would get a kick out of messing with Sonic by keeping Metal around (Shadow: “What? I took a page from your book and decided to forgive my enemies”).

As for the Metal/Omega dynamic itself, I don’t think Rouge would mind having Metal join but I think Omega would HATE Metal Sonic at first. But eventually it becomes clear that like him Metal is the cream of the crop of eggman’s creations and like him, has also unaligned himself with Eggman. This would make it difficult for him to see Metal as just any other old badnik. However, I do think Omega would consider himself to be the only one of them to actually have free will, as he went against his programming while Metal Sonic continues to comply with his original directive even after leaving Eggman.

On the other hand, I think Metal would see the opposite. In his eyes, Omega’s original directive was to guard Shadow the Hedgehog and under Team Dark, that’s still what he’s doing. Therefore, him and Omega are the same in that way. Of course, this insinuation would PISS omega off, but I also think it could kick off a serious robot existential crisis moment (I don’t actually think Omega joining Team Dark is a result of his original programming, even if the argument could be made, but I think it could serve as an interesting character investigation).

There’s a lot of nuance to Sonic robots beyond the original franchise concept of “artificial bad natural good” (We saw this as early as Gamma in Adventure and recently with Sage in Frontiers), so I think exploring the dichotomy between Omega and Metal’s personal goals versus their original programming has potential for a good free will/forging your own path/finding your own people story. Also Metal and Omega are both totally down for murder so thats cool.

Most of this really boils down to me and my friend wanting wacky gay robot hijinks and the fact that Metal Sonic is my #1 favorite sonic character so I like creating content for him. It’s a fun pairing to me that I think has more potential than pure crack but also isn’t meant to be super serious.

TLDR: i like it when robots are gay and kill

[englandsgray]

Sherlolly Self-Interviews 2020

Well hi 👋

Ignoring the internal image of Gilderoy Lockheart smiling smugly while flashbulbs pop and saying ‘In my autobiography, Magical Me...’ 🙈😆 I shall take the opportunity of this lovely event to introduce myself as a writer of Sherlolly fanfiction on AO3...

I am English and somewhere over 30.  I watched the show as it aired, and lost my heart as quickly to Molly Hooper as to Sherlock Holmes.  The kiss is British television history.  Series 4 is my favourite.  Moriarty on the beach is life.  The Holmes brothers break my heart every time.

I am extremely lucky to have been provided some questions to answer here by @ohaine and @mybrainrots - huge, huge love and thanks to these two lovelies, and not just for this.  I admire you both so much as writers, and your support means the world to me ❤️ Thanks too, to @sherlollyappreciationweek!

Where did you begin to write, and have you written for other fandoms?  I wrote my first fanfic when I was eleven years old - a 100 page ramble about The Monkees.  Oh yes.  Then in 2018, I fell for the characters of the Disney Pixar film Cars and began writing and publishing.  So far so random!  Writing in this fandom sprang from binge-watching all four series of Sherlock during lockdown.  I remembered reading Louise Brealey talking about being disappointed Molly didn’t get chance to ‘roundly kick Sherlock’s arse’ and agreeing with her wholeheartedly.  That, over a few weeks, turned into my first fic - Who You Really Are.  

You’re a recent (and welcome!) arrival to the Sherlolly ship, and I was wondering if writing in an established, less active than it used to be fandom has been a challenge?   Thank you, firstly.  My experience of this fandom has been incredibly positive - the sense of welcome has been wonderful.  I will admit I was terrified posting the first fic - there are hundreds of times more stories posted daily in the Sherlock fandom as in the one I had some experience of.  But I needn’t have worried, it’s been a blast.  I will also admit, that it’s no small thing to be surrounded by such brilliant writing and the long-standing passion which goes with it.  But I find that inspiring in itself, and I’m very glad to be here - how supportive the fandom are makes me feel like I always have been!       

What’s your favourite place and way to write?  My aesthetic is Lin-Manuel Miranda in his in-law’s laundry room 🤣 I wrote my first ten-thousand words on the notes app on my phone before my other half told me to stop being ridiculous!  I switch between the laptop, my phone and longhand (I’m a sucker for a nice notepad and a Uni-Ball Eye) and, more often than not, not sat up properly at a table.   

Since you’ve (done something I’ve never managed successfully and) written a novella length fic... how did you organise/keep track of all the details and where you wanted the story to go?  Did you outline/plot in advance?  First of all - I would love to see a novella length fic from you @mybrainrots!  The final scene of Who You Really Are came to me very early on and I knew I wanted the fic to fit within TFP - a lot of it takes place in the timeframe of the final montage.  At first, it was going to be much more about Sherlock’s relationship with the ideas of sentiment and love (the phrase ‘I’m not sentimental about you, I love you,’ haunted me for a while) and I spent some time researching the psychology and playing with scenes from throughout the series - one of my favourites I didn’t go on to use was inspired by the final scene of THoB.  Using scenes from the canon gave an automatic structure, and I was always aiming for the final one I wrote early on - the two of them on the beach (everything is about the beach, with me!)  As I went along and started, inevitably, to slow down, I mapped out the chapters with a short note of what I wanted to be in each, then would add notes or phrases as they came to me - often emailed from my phone!  I had to force myself through a tricky section set in Baker Street at one point, but it came together in the end.  I did plot The Pathologist’s Skeletons on paper first, as I found with a casefic which remains a WIP, that I can get confused and lose focus when it comes to details and how to reveal them in a way which stays paced and interesting.  I’ll certainly do that from now on with longer stories and cases.  How did you keep up enthusiasm for the work?  I want to write an original novel, so I am forcing myself to work through the knotty bits and blocks as a learning experience.  Not everything is destined to be finished or finessed, of course, but I’m finding this process is building my confidence that I can overcome problems and slow periods.  I also find I know when I need some external inspiration - some of my favourite scenes have come to me while out walking the dog or sitting on the beach.  I’ve also been inspired by books or other series or things going on in the world, as we all are, and sometimes that’s pushed me on.  Plus, of course, I’m a newbie - I’m very much in the honeymoon period of my writing, even though I’ve loved Sherlock for ten years! (Ten years! Bonkers.) 

You’ve got a knack for writing Sherlock’s thoughts and capturing his voice.  That said, which character do you find easiest to write?  Which is the hardest?  Thank you so much.  I absolutely love writing Sherlock and Mycroft, and I’m sure that’s because they suit my somewhat over-the-top writing style!  I find Molly and her POV really difficult.  I want the scenes I write from her perspective to sound completely different to Sherlock, but that means writing in a style which doesn’t come as naturally to me.  I’m a long way off happy with that at the moment, but I’m enjoying the challenge.

Is there a scene or character that specifically inspired you to start writing Sherlolly?  The whole of TFP, but especially from the moment Sherlock arrives at Musgrave onwards.  I am desperate to see what a Sherlock Holmes who has been reacquainted with his own heart would look like.  I find his emotionality in those final scenes hugely compelling (Mycroft’s office is one of my favourite moments from across all four series) and, as I have always believed in him and Molly, I practically jumped up back in May after watching it and said ‘right, where’s my notebook?!’.

There’s a lovely peaceful, quiet feeling to your fic ‘We’re All Right At The Moment’.  Can you tell us what inspired it and if you’ve thought of doing the backstory that goes with it?  Thank you!  Like everyone, I would go back to January of this year and start again in a heartbeat, but I am hugely fortunate to be able to say that I have a lot to be grateful to the UK lockdowns for.  I might never have begun writing in this fandom otherwise, for one, and I have had a brilliant time so far and met some lovely people. Honestly, I don’t feel able to do any sort of justice in my writing to what has happened in the world in any broader sense than drawing on my own experiences of staying at home and enjoying my family.  This particular super-short fic sees Molly cutting Sherlock’s hair at home in Baker Street.  I wrote it in the evening after I had cut my other half’s hair and had been reminding myself that despite how horribly worried I was - and still am - about everything, we were all right in that moment, and to focus on that as much as possible.  I wanted to try to capture that, if for no reason other than to look back on this entire experience and remember something lovely, so I am so pleased to hear you felt the fic did that.  It was only after I finished it and reread it, that I realised it is ambiguous as to whether Molly is worried about Sherlock contracting the virus, or whether she is remembering him being treated for it... As I say, I don’t think I could write more about these extraordinary circumstances - perhaps it’s just too close at the moment - so I don’t plan on extending it.  But you know how it is, the plot bunnies hop where they will... 

Do you have a Sherlolly music playlist?  What are your top five favs from the list? Here’s a run down of (6 🙊) songs I have been getting emotional over in the last little while, leading my brain to assign their significance to my favourite couple...

Kissing You - Des’Ree - It’s so 90′s, it’s a bit cheesy, it’s oddly disturbing.  It helped me write A Request, Made Properly, and that gave me an excuse to have Sherlock kiss Molly in the snow.

How Long Will I Love You? - Ellie Goulding - part of the playlist, but also in remembrance of a friend who passed away recently.  Life is very short, love is forever.

High and Dry - Jamie Cullum - It’s made me emotional for a very long time.  The original is my partner’s version of choice, this is mine.  

Think About You - Delta Goodrem - Okay, this one isn’t emotional, and it’s not my usual vibe!  Blame the zoom exercise class I do!  But oh my goodness, it’s Molly.  Bless her.

Blinded By Your Grace (P.T.2. F.T. MNEK) - Stormzy - One of the best ever, I reckon.  Spent an awful lot of time thinking about angels and demons, grace and what it takes to save someone, while writing my latest - The Pathologist’s Skeletons.  This has been in my head most of the (blimmin’) time!

Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding - I didn’t know I was a fan of Ellie until I wrote this list... I don’t subscribe to the theory that the love Molly wants or that which Sherlock has to offer is any lesser because it isn’t ‘normal’ or expected. I don’t think romantic entanglement would come easy to either of them. But it’s still love and it would be beautiful.

Thank you so much for reading.  Thanks and love to @ohaine and @mybrainrots. And thank you @sherlollyappreciationweek for the event and for everything you do ❤️

Feel like I should sign off with a quote from the show...

“You’re not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. You’re a drama queen!” Dr John Watson (Moffat & Gatiss) 2014 😜

X

A fav fic of mine by @mybrainrots

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563193

A fav fic of mine by @ohaine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562904

My stuff:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglandsGray/works

[silentauroriamthereal]

So, a question about Mary inspired by your recent post. I know you hate her (I think she is horrible too), but is she a character that you love to hate? Do you think she is an interesting character? Does she fit a role she is written to play? There are many characters who are terrible people, but are still great characters in all their hateful glory (I think Moriarty was like that until he got turned into a caricature). Is Mary one of those for you or not?

Interesting question. I would have to say no, though. For me, what makes me appreciate a character in any respect is a combination of things, such as how interesting I find them, whether or not their motivations feel clear and well-founded, consistency, continuity in writing/characterization. Sometimes other factors, like how sympathetic I find them, or how likeable or admirable I find them in spite of agreeing wholeheartedly that the character is a terrible person from every moral standpoint. Some of these things are more subjective than others. From where I’m standing, the BBC version of Mary Morstan is severely lacking in a lot of these areas, but most sorely in having well-founded motivations and consistency/continuity. I don’t find her to be a well-written character, at all. Let me break this down a bit.

1. Do I find the character likeable in spite of moral flaws (and is this important)? No, to both. There are definitely villains that I do find likeable in spite of obvious moral failings. The obvious comparison in the BBC Sherlock world would be Moriarty. He’s obvious a terrible human being - a literal terrorist - but he’s so damned charming about it that you almost can’t help but root for him, in a way. Loki in the MCU universe is rather like that. Other villains, like Benedict’s Khan, are sympathetic not because they’re charming, but they’re intelligent and have genuinely understandable motivations (the safeguarding of his crew, for instance). Does a villain have to be likeable to be a well-written villain? Absolutely not. To use two other examples in the BBC Sherlock universe, I would cite both Magnussen and Culverton Smith. Horrible men. Good consistency of writing. Not charming or sympathetic in any way, but solidly written characters. Do I love them/love to hate them? No. I just dislike them, full stop. 

2. Do I find her motivations well-founded or sympathetic? No, neither. Mary is a character who, canonically (aka this bit is not subjective to my personal opinion): 

lied about her name, background, personal history, all of it, to the man she claims to love, never apologized for it or demonstrated any manner of remorse

is canonically someone who kills people and destabilizes governments (at the very least) for personal gain, never faced any consequences in terms of criminal justice or retribution for these crimes or indicated any manner of remorse for them 

attacked her own maid of honour - a person whom she befriended for the sole reason of gaining access to her boss’s office - and left her bleeding on the floor, never demonstrated any manner of remorse for this, either

her motivations are weirdly unfounded. The best example of this is her choice to shoot Sherlock rather than Magnussen that night. Her initial motivation was to ensure Magnussen’s silence so that John wouldn’t find out who she really was/so that she wouldn’t be forced to face justice for her criminal history. Shooting Sherlock did nothing to ensure Magnussen’s silence. If she intended Sherlock to die, it would have ensured HIS silence, but not Magnussen’s. If she didn’t intend Sherlock to die, then I’m not sure what it accomplished, since the very first thing he did once he was physically able was to tell John - exactly what she didn’t want. And it still did nothing to ensure Magnussen’s silence. She just left that wide open and instead made the extremely overboard choice to shoot the best man at her own wedding (not hugely worse than attacking the maid of honour, but still). She could have tried appealing for his help, using compassion for John as a persuading factor. She could have tried threatening HIM at gunpoint to guarantee his ongoing silence. Instead she went straight for the heart, quite literally. Unfounded and ineffective - a really irritating combination! 

3. Do I find the character consistently written with solid continuity? NO. This is probably my biggest beef with the character. The worst, I find, is being sold a crock of horseshit about Mary having had some sort of redemption “arc”. An arc, by definition, is a shape that has a beginning, a peak, and an end. There was no lead-up to this “peak” moment of Mary suddenly discovering remorse for having shot Sherlock - that, and nothing else. There was nothing in the writing or in her characterization to support such an out-of-left-field move. There was no gradual shift in her motivations, which were consistently to that point nothing more than self-preservation, protecting her own interests: keep John in the dark so that he couldn’t make an informed decision for himself, tell any lie to keep what she wants (John, albeit an ignorant version of him), run away/protect herself. She deserted her AGRA teammates, leaving literally half of them behind to suffer torture and/or death without even confirming that they were beyond rescue, then repeated her pattern, attacking Sherlock (AGAIN) and running off to leave John and her own child behind. Her lack of remorse for any of this was consistent as well - she clearly felt wholly justified in all of these actions, that she had nothing to apologize for. That JOHN was the one in the wrong by not speaking to her for “months of silence” after she shot his best friend in the heart, that she had every right to dictate what John could or could not do, that he had no right to have a say in naming their child, that she somehow “had” to shoot Sherlock, that John and Sherlock were so much less intelligent than she was that she couldn’t have them “hanging off her gun arm” - when in fact, it was John who outsmarted her by planting the tracking device in the USB key that he already knew she would attack Sherlock over and steal. 

4. Do I find the character admirable, if not likeable? No. Mary is a coward, interested in nothing beyond what she wants. She has no noble, greater motivations than personal gain. She doesn’t care about what consequences her actions have, least of all on the man she supposedly “loves”, or on her own infant that she left behind. She commits crimes for money, not out of some need to defend the innocent, patriotic reasons (which I personally don’t subscribe to anyway, but others do), self-defense, even - just money. I find that so completely gross. Money =/= an admirable motivation, especially not when it’s gained through literal murder. I admire honesty, courage, self-sacrifice, real love, which puts the needs and wants and health of the beloved above one’s own. Mary demonstrates absolutely none of these things. She wants for herself and no one else, and I have never once swallowed this notion that she’s somehow smarter than Sherlock, Mycroft, and John combined. Not only did John himself outwit her with ease, but it felt like transparent pandering to Amanda Abbington as recompense for them writing her out of the show. And then they doubled down on it with creating some ghost version of Mary that John needs some SERIOUS therapy to deal with that actually bore no resemblance to Mary as she actually was, then gave her that gross voiceover that reasonlessly granted her credit for having created one of the greatest friendships in English literary history. That, at least, is consistent with the writers having had Mary set herself up as the broker of John and Sherlock’s friendship in TEH, which I also never bought. They didn’t need her help; John just needed time to cool down and come to understand - he couldn’t even last 24 hours without going to find Sherlock of his own accord. They didn’t need her “help” and she certainly didn’t “create” them. 

So yeah, no: I hate the character, hate the inconsistency even more, wish they had followed through with the solid villain arc they actually wrote. I don’t think that Mary is “strong” or “interesting” just because she uses violence for personal gain. I don’t think she’s a good role model or an interesting character - I just see selfishness, greed, and cowardice. 

[kungfusal]

I have been seeing a lot of posts from martial artists, some quite experienced, some very senior, some well known, giving their opinions on how to cope with isolation.

Some have been genuinely interested and helpful but many have been quite judgemental and superior.

The topic of mental health and having a ‘martial mindset’ come up regularly as if that is enough to explain or educate. I guess most people are not into self inquiry and simply regurgitate what they have been taught. Especially from male teachers and largely masculine teachings where toughing it out, being defiant or just being macho and not showing your emotions was the recommended path.

I feel this is unhelpful and only a recycling of old ways, their usefulness has run out and we are now all too aware of this.

Similarly I do not feel martial artists, teachers or spiritual guides have any responsibility to other people and no one should ‘follow’ anybody. We have our own minds to discern and our own life experiences for reference so don’t subscribe to someone’s teachings wholeheartedly. Do not also bash someone else’s advice if you have never applied it. Simply put, you have never walked in their shoes and they have never walked in yours. Everyone has a responsibility to themselves first and if you feel you don’t, you should.

But, my reason for writing is this. Practicing Tai chi, Qi gong, sanchin, kaizen, I Ching whatever...won’t save you from the bad things from happening in life. It won’t. In fact, those of us who study deeply know, that’s not what it’s even for.

Your yoga practice helps your mental stability but under 3 weeks of isolation it’s not working like it used to. You train hard and have the body to show it but without the gym you have no idea how to train your body effectively or even connect with its needs. Going out and connecting to nature is your way of receiving energy, touching trees and walking barefoot you sing to the ocean. But now you’re going stir crazy locked in your 1 bed tower block flat in Tower Hamlets not knowing when you’ll be able to see your family again.

You’re questioning all your beliefs, your practices and all the emotional crutches you used to prop yourself up for years. You stop posting selfies on social media, your T-shirt’s are loose where your lats used to bulge out. You try and meditate more to get into the ‘zone’ but it doesn’t work like it did 3 months ago....why? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I hear my guides? Where are my angels? Why do I feel so confused? Why can’t I handle this? What the fuck is going on with my body? Why can’t I poo? Why can’t I sleep? Why can’t I get off the sofa? Why can’t I motivate myself to learn that skill I said I never had the time for? Why can’t I reach out to exes and old friends just to check in on them? Why don’t I feel guilty now I don’t feel pressured to go out? Why do virtual meetings freak me out? What’s wrong with me!?!?!?!

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. Not before and not now. You are dealing with an unexpected and unprecedented global event which could be catastrophic for you and the anxiety caused by worrying how the tables are turning is messing you up. You are allowed to be worried about your job and if you’re even going to receive a pay check. You are allowed to be scared about your mental health if your usual resources have now become nonexistent. You are allowed to worry about your children’s education and how you’re going to ration food for your family.

You are allowed to feel. You are allowed to notice that things are shifting and the world as we know it is changing. This isn’t a holiday. This is not ‘spend 3 weeks at home and come out a completely transformed person as though the world will wait for you’! This is not time with family as though it’s an extended Christmas. Parents are worried about income, children are anxious because they’re not getting explanations for things, people are living day by day not knowing what the government will impose next. If you felt stable amongst all this fear and dread you probably weren’t engaging in life in the first place.

So back to my reason for writing this, I feel many martial artists, life coaches and spiritual people are saying ‘if you can’t go within’ if you can’t ‘be with yourself’ if ‘you’re falling apart now’ and if ‘you’re going through a mental breakdown’ your practices were false or you didn’t do it properly to begin with. I find this horribly judgmental at a time when we don’t need that personal attack.

My take on it is this. Firstly, you will do whatever works for you AT THE TIME. This is a natural and predictable response to the feedback we get whether internal or external. If we meditate a certain way for three years and it makes us feel what we want then likelihood is we’ll continue in the same manner. Compare this too people who have been vegan for 20 years and never felt better.

Well, maybe I was vegan for 2 years and only after I stopped did I feel better. So here is the internal feedback-my body was calling for something else so I tried other things. Similarly with the here and now, what feedback are you getting from your martial practice now you are in a completely different situation? What do you really FEEL? Is it fine? Do you feel complete? Is it asking to be complimented with another practice? If you used to meditate in silence, unmoving for 2 hours maybe your soul is just asking you to get up and sing for a change. Hell, dance about in your living room, no one is watching anyway! Maybe it’s in this period you learn the value of sound healing and vocal chants.

If you’re used to pushing yourself physically maybe you feel lethargic and demotivated now you can’t leave your flat. Maybe your soul is saying ‘you’ve been in the gym almost everyday for 5 years...how about we just have a bubble bath...come on it’ll be fun!’ Maybe now is the time you reconnect with the sensual parts of your body and how good it feels to be in your own skin. Being touch starved is a very real plight in isolation, we must learn ways to get out of our minds forever over analysing, criticising and over thinking and get into our bodies too.

Maybe you’re very connected with Source and you know all the breathing techniques and mudras but now you ‘can’t do your work’. Well, maybe spirit is call you to action, not analysis. Maybe volunteer to drop food deliveries or make meals for elderly people in your community. Hopes, prayers and good intentions have more power when you’re present and responsive to the human world you inhabit.

Simply put...whatever spiritual practice you have, it’s only ever a doorway to a bigger learning. It’s a stepping stone to a better you. It’s never a destination or quick fix and please be wary of those who promise you the ‘answer’. Remember one size absolutely does not fit all.

Your best way to negotiate this time is to check in with yourself little and often and don’t question your desires, not matter how inconvenient they are. Inner children, egos, old bad habits and traumas will all raise their heads in this isolation, be prepared to greet them just don’t let them stay for too long. Whatever you’re feeling...that feeling is the key to unlock your next step. Your feelings are messages and if you listen to them without owning them or being owned by them, they act as honest guides to help you in the present.

You are not falling apart. You are falling into your humaness. Don’t be scared, know it will pass. Enjoy your practice but do not be trapped by it. There are so many ways to connect with your Higher Self so when you are being called to go higher...go.

After all we are all here to experience being human. To feel, think do and connect.

Being a spiritual ninja does not make you exempt from being human.

[mallorytaylorblog]

8th January, 2020! My first post of the year.

Wow okay, so about a month since my last blog post. Time flies when you’re having fun I guess.

I’m just gunna go ahead and get a bit word vomitty.

So. I’m going drug and alcohol free. Most likely for good. And I want to share why.

In October last year after about a 12 month break from booze - and I say break lightly because I was a rare drinker to begin with - I started drinking a little red wine with dinner for the health benefits. I mean I do love me some good anti-oxidants. However I’ve realised alcohol is just not for me and I don’t care enough for it to participate. I had my partying fun during my teens and early 20′s but never fully subscribed to the Aussie binge drinking culture. I digress...

The main reasons I decided to give up alcohol include (in no particular order): a) it’s expensive b) it doesn’t taste very nice unless it’s in something sugary c) I hate how I feel when I’m drunk (I don’t like not having control over my body) d) it provides little to no physical health benefits, and e) it used to provide me with confidence and a feeling of belonging that I just don’t need any more.

Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. It impairs motor and cognitive function. Given its knack for being a social lubricant I had my fun with it as a young adult like most people do, but now it’s not necessary. There’s not much to it than that, really. It’s expensive, doesn’t taste great, hangovers are shit, and I’ve developed a sense of self that doesn’t require boosting with liquid courage. Also, if I’m trying to be my best and healthiest and happiest version of my self there’s just not a whole lot of room in my diet for alcohol. So, cya!

As for the drugs part of it too... that has been a work in progress. In the past two years I totally became a bit of a stoner. I wasn’t shy about it to those close to me and it was definitely something fun to socialise over/with, but the longer I indulged the more of a shameful dirty secret it became and the harder it was to just let it go. I noticed when I consumed weed regularly I became lethargic, short with my moods and snappy, and stopped caring about or chasing the things I usually loved, like gym or catching up with friends. It made me anxious at times, especially in social situations so I found I occasionally needed to smoke to relax so I could be in public.

It was a fun thing my boyfriend and I did together when we started dating, and honestly it probably made us super close, super fast - we spoke openly about so many things when we started dating and we got to know some deep parts of our personalities and histories. Also, it was just fucking fun. Watching movies and eating food and having sex and giggling your ass off is all enhanced and made better when you’re high. But the novelty wore off after a while, and the munchies became binge sessions that gave me worries my previously disordered eating patterns would be ignited again. It also didn’t feel amazing waking up super tired even though I’d just slept for 10 hours because I ate a whole pizza and some poutine 20 minutes before I promptly fell asleep on the couch. For someone as productive and ambitious and health conscious as myself it became more of a hindrance than something fun to do with my boyfriend or mates. I appreciated the social lubricant affect it had (in different ways to alcohol) but ripping daily bongs isn't conducive to the monumental life I want to live and I’ve honestly been trying to kick the habit for a few months. I also had my first ever panic attack while high on edibles. So I’m saying goodbye to weed as well.

Other drugs, well.. I was never really a fan. I’ve always said I’ll try anything twice, but after trying mushrooms and LSD for the first time in 2019 once is most definitely enough for me.

I’m also reconsidering my uni degree. Doing a psychology degree is so full on and time consuming, and although I love the subject matter I’m really struggling to maintain a quality of life with the study hours I need to commit to, especially on top of working full time, gym and my relationships. Even though I’ve tried to discourage myself from “quitting” uni because the time will pass anyway, it’s honestly super daunting to know I’ll be studying for a minimum of six years and have another minimum two years of supervised practice before I can become a registered psychologist. I’m considering looking into youth counselling and what options I have there as I’d love to work with young adults. I really just want to help people take control of their psyche and when I think of my future career I see myself talking on stage to hundreds if not thousands of people. I’m trying to get over the stigma I have surrounding using the terms “coach” or “motivational speaker” but I do believe my career choice will include me mentoring or coaching others in the area of personal development. I know this is in my path because every time I think about what excites me those images and terms come to mind instantly, and at the same time I feel terrified of being successful; the voice in my head starts to tell me I’m not worthy of or the right person for the job. Which is only serves to further fuel my fire for it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a personal development jUnKiE is that that voice inside your head that tells you you can’t do things or you’re not good enough is actually highlighting areas in which you lack self esteem, and therefore must be challenged and overcome so that you can experience radical growth. It tells you exactly where you need to go and what you need to work on. It’s hard to hear the message sometimes because we get caught up in listening to the self-deprecation. We buy into the stories that inner voice tells us about ourselves and our capabilities, but we get to choose what we believe and we get to choose who to listen to. I’m choosing to listen to my intuition and find all the ways the voice inside my head is wrong. I believe I am worthy of success and I believe I have the ability to help thousands of people.

In addition to the bullshit stories, I’m also giving up all the bullshit excuses I’ve made for myself thus far. I believe this wholeheartedly and I’ve said it so many times but I am the creator of my own life, and I am exactly where I am because of the choices I’ve made. And it’s actually bullshit that I don’t even take my own advice. So I’m really working hard this year on making choices that will serve me long term, instead of giving in to instant gratification. I’ll elaborate more on this in another post I think.

Amongst all the chaos going on in the world right now, I figured one way to help the world is to be on my game and my best self every day so that I can help get the best out of everyone else. A little love and kindness goes a long way.

It’s super fucking late and I’m tired. I definitely want to write more on this but it will have to wait for another day. Thanks for reading!

xoxo

[ryouverua]

The Final Lab

.......... is really, really weird.

just what I’d expect from someone who may or may not have set up the love key system tbh

Is it weird to consider this the Mastermind’s Lab? .... Maybe?

Oh. Oh, that’s what you meant. Also, damn - does it spread out as far across as the AV room too?

Sure they are. Yup. They’re definitely here. Oh, hiding? ....... I don’t know if I’d go that far.

OH THE MUSIC CHANGE

I did think it was weird that the music hadn’t changed when we walked in there!

.... this is so oddly conspicuous.

OH IS THAT WHERE THAT THING FROM THE JUNKO-SCENE WAS THIS WHOLE TIME

Wait, what? We were supposed to find this room???

.......

The, uh. The what now.

I... guess there’s no denying that this is connected to the old games then. Btw, totally random, but I like that little ‘tinny’ filter they have on Monokuma’s voice. It’s a nice touch.

- says Sweetcheeks, to the giant Monokuma head

I mean, I know he means ‘are you the Monokuma that’s been in charge of everything this whole time or are you a separate entity’ but it just sounds kinda funny that’s all. 8′D

Anyway, it confirms that but goes on -

.... IS THIS YOUR WAY OF TRYING TO DIVERT MY ATTENTION FROM THAT WHOLE ‘WE HAVE TO PROTECT OUR REAL MOTHER’ FROM CHAPTER 4. 8/ I’M NOT BUYING THAT THIS IS THE MOTHER YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT.

Though with that said, uh, what’s with the sudden ‘maternal’ imagery???

I wonder if the Monokubs were made there too... they’re separate from Monokuma, but they were obviously replaced. Also, that... doesn’t... look like a machine that could make new Monokuma, but I’m going to choose to believe this for now only because it’s something that was brought up in Chapter 1 too. I can’t think of a reason why this could be untrue...

That’s a good point. I mean, unless there’s a hidden area behind there that have pre-made Monokumas that just need to be activated or something? That would make more sense...

“Duh-doi.”

That’s true. This is... weird. I’m just - I’m just getting a weird vibe in general.

WHY WOULD YOU ASK HIM TO DO THAT WHEN THERE IS LITERALLY A ‘MONOKUMA ET ALL VS STUDENTS’ WAR RIGHT NOW

S T O P

ASDL;KFJASDF okay I actually laughed

also thank god, honestly

oh god it has a good point

DUDE DON’T SAY IT LIKE THAT THAT’S WEIRD

What is happening right now are we trying to call his bluff but what if it isn’t a bluff WHAT IF IT ISN’T A BLUFF -

GUYS PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT THAT’S REALLY CREEPY

But at the same time, why would it lie now? What if the deadline had come way back in Chapter 1 and there wasn’t any firepower to back it up? There... had to have been a way to back up that threat. .... Right? Right? oh god please don’t say Kaede killed for nothing -

“THIS IS WHY WE KEEP GETTING BLOWN UP BY K1-B0, SHUICHI!”

Wait, what? That’s a Monopad? I couldn’t tell from the original angle. ..... A Monopad with blood on it??? And is that a handprint....

WHAT

W H A T

Wait, I’m trying to remember... didn’t he have a Monopad on him when he died? We talked about this already, right? So he started the game with two? hey rantaro why does monokuma let you have two monopads -

ahaha lol bye necklace!perk theory

.... Wait, if it has his handprint on it, isn’t that the one he was holding in the picture?

WHAT HE GETS AN ENHANCED MAP THAT’S CHEATI - oh I guess that’s part of the perk. But still. Still.....

.... Man this would have been so helpful to have from the beginning. 8′/

But there it is - the reason Rantaro knew the exact location of the library door. It was literally laid out for him. The mastermind really did lure him there...

Oh my god this literally spells out what memory he’ll learn next. The mastermind’s moves. Literally everything that would perfectly position him to the perfect spot - this almost seems like it was designed that way! To prey on his paranoia from his missing memories! This wasn’t a hint, this was a fucking set-up from the start!

.... And yet, it was written by him. But it had to have been approved by the mastermind, right? Or at the very least, the mastermind knew about it...

HONESTLY I FEEL LIKE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF WITHOUT IT

Man, past!Rantaro screwed over future!Rantaro really well.

I’m so fired up at how unfair this all was for him ffff he was set up to fail under the guise of it being a perk what the hell, he wasn’t even given a fighting chance at all - ?!

JUSTICE!!! JUSTICE FOR RANTARO!!!!

.... I-I mean, I have no idea who it could belong to.

Oh, he knows. He 100% knows. This is him just living by ‘measure twice, cut once’, a proverb I wholeheartedly subscribe to btw.

And she knows it too.

MAN literally the moment anything Kokichi-related comes up she is up and running to it. It’s a shame she hasn’t been able to shake that ‘KILL THE MASTERMIND!!!’ attitude that caused all the problems in the first place, but at least she seems incredibly determined to make it up to Kokichi’s memory personally...? 8′D or am I reading too much into it again

insert laugh track

INTROVERT BUDDIES :D

I’m sorry WHAT -

what - ?!

It’s just... laying here? In the trash, with nothing else? Another thing we’re supposed to find???

Is that from Kaede’s sweater?

This... is a continuation of the set-up? Just, just leaving this shotput ball here like Kaede just ~has~ to be lurking around here - ??

It... has to be Tsumugi. Between her ‘finding’ the cold room, Kaede’s profile, Kaede’s ‘twin’, just leaving Rantaro’s Monopad out here for us to find, Motherkuma handing out convenient clues and ‘evidence’ of her living in here... it’s all too convenient?

... No, this is a set-up. She’s trying to set up Kaede as the mastermind. And she even had Kaede’s clothes at one point, didn’t she??? For the cospox scene? Did - did Shuichi just realize it was Tsumugi too, then?

...

omg I just remembered Tsumugi being incredibly pissed at Rantaro when he basically made her third-wheel in the nailpolishing scene that was totally going to be the Kaemugi Magnum Opus and telling him to, what was it? ‘Backflip into a landmine and die?’ shinjaeba - it was right there. it was the first comparison I made in my head. I should’ve known in that moment.

That is so darkly hilarious in hindsight, though I still wonder how she knew to count on Kaede’s plan. What if Shuichi hadn’t found the door? Wait, if the Survivor’s Perk ended up here after Kaede’s trap was triggered, does that mean she darted out and nabbed the Survivor’s Perk afterwards??? But... how did she get past everyone in the first place......... Maybe with Monokuma lying in wait in this room, then? If she had an extra in here and Rantaro had opened the door anyway, it would be easy enough... maybe...???

I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS...

oh Tsumugi is encouraging me to continue looking around too

YOU LEFT MORE CLUES TO POINT A FINGER AT THE THEORETICAL MASTERMIND!KAEDE, DIDN’T YOU

So as long as you were quick enough, you could dart in and out of the room via the automatic door to... say... grab a Survivor’s Perk. Got it.

So you mean... it might not matter if you happened to put the receipt signed tape dust on the reader if the mastermind had already gotten in the room, so there’s potentially a chance that it was accessed if Shuichi’s timing/luck was bad?

H-Himiko plz

C-Can we also talk about how while Mother Monokuma is confirming that this is the ‘Remnants of Despair’ room, Tsumugi is the one that keeps pushing for that comparison... she’s, uh, way too hyped about them. I’m just sayin’.

“Well, they are now - oh, crap. Uh. Um. Just. Forget I said that.”

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY ‘NO’ WE PRACTICED THIS - I MEAN -”

I know the context is inaccurate but seeing Tsumugi sweating like this right here is making me lol - and I think I can stop saying ‘assuming I’m right’, because... I’m... starting to feel pretty confident tbh.

I feel like Motherkuma’s attitude is a bit different than Monokuma’s? Or am I just imagining things? It seems a lot more relaxed about the mysteries of everything than the other one, and certainly the Monokubs. They literally almost blew the students up for trying to get in here!

IT HAS TO BE LOOPING, THERE’S NO WAY YOU COULD SAY THAT IF IT WASN’T LOOPING IN SOME FASHION

Because it would have to end if there were only two people left, but clearly it wouldn’t if there was! And Rantaro is proof that it didn’t end with him, either!

The question is, why is it looping????

HOW MANY MORE CAN THERE BE

oh god they really are getting faster i barely captured anything from this

WAIT WHERE IS EVERYONE ELSE

So... Monokuma is still a recognized figure.

It would have been before Shuichi’s time though, yeah? And of course it would have been recorded as a significant event. I was curious so I looked up what our real life ‘most watched’ events in TV history were and they’re mostly positive, tbh - but not all of them. There were some significant funerals. Anything planned, basically.

'Like they usually do?!’ Okay, they are seriously emphasizing the ‘this game is looping’ angle here - and apparently Shuichi should be aware of this fact? Monokuma’s explaining it all, but it sounds like it’s more of a recap than anything!

He recaps it conveniently for us:

Gofer Project, the state of the world, that they’re the last survivors, their promise to be friends...

Was it like this with the original class? It looks like Shuichi was the last one to be woken up, too. I wonder if that’s significant...?

Wait, but hadn’t they not met each other before this? Or I guess they just forgot their ‘first’ meeting and that was enough...

“Well tbh I was hoping you would monologue about your evil plans for a bit in case I conveniently remembered these memories later, but fine.”

...What a great name for the light. right right shouldn’t be giving the murder-bear props for anything, sorry -

With that said, the flashback in the helmets still bother me -unless that was supposed to be them losing their talents in the first place. .... I’m not... entirely convinced of that, though. I don’t think that image has been confirmed to be associated to the talent-loss, so I’m not going to write it off as that yet.

“That’s oddly specific and is giving me a different set of high school flashbacks - can you get rid of those memories too while you’re at it oh shIT -”

tell me you don’t see sweetcheeks getting shoved into a locker at some point in his life though

Are you sure??? Are you sure?

Again, mass-induced memories - but unlike the ones in the pod room, they didn’t seem to be triggered by anything specifically. I wonder, actually - did the others get that memory as well? Tsumugi apparently did, but -

That’s not your fault!!

aaaaaw she wants to find a clue too 8′D

LMAO you, uh, weren’t ready for the responsibility yet, huh. She wears her anxiety on her sleeve. 8′D

ATTAGIRL!!!

You’ve got this, Himiko! You don’t know this yet, but the meta is on your side! You’ll definitely find something!

Ah, the rare serious Himiko..

So, interesting. We’re splitting up again - Maki’s ahead, Himiko’s behind, and we’re still with Tsumugi. Why are all signs pointing to her so much right now??? Am I going crazy here??? I mean, she’s also the least developed out of everyone left which isn’t helping and we still haven’t seen her cosplay yet (outside of potential!Junko) so....??? So, my girl? Will we ever get to see the power of EVA foam in your capable hands?

[windwardrose]

My official post on Avengers: Infinity War

I was jittery heading to the theater on Saturday because I was so excited/nervous/curious/waiting. Because I was going to see a big finals-week release Marvel film without the people I had always gone to see them with before. Because - unrelatedly - I had had the second section of a big conversation that morning and was still running a little high-frequency because of it. And because I didn’t know what would happen, by the end of the evening, to these characters whom I’d known since my first year of college.

I think I knew from the first scene on that it wasn’t going to be like the other films. Maybe in a way I knew from the first moments, when we opened to a dark screen and a dark and desperate voiceover. Well. It wasn’t like the other films.

What was it exactly that Thanos says in the trailer?

In time, you will know what it’s like to lose.

[One of these days I’m going to write an essay: “My coming-of-age as summarized by the MCU.” That quote, initially encountered in the middle of what may have been the nastiest semester of my life so far, will definitely be featured.]

We never actually got that line in the film, unless I forgot it. Which is possible, considering everything else. But it’s perfect, because that’s what happens. The entire movie, the Avengers and the Guardians and their friends are trying every option they can think of to beat Thanos. They always think there’s a way out. They hand over the stones when their loved ones are on the line, because of course it won’t take that kind of sacrifice, they’ll think of something, they’ve always managed to win the fight before! Surely they can pull it off this time, too. Surely.

Loki alone tries three or four different plans in the first few minutes of the movie. One of them even involves handing over the Tesseract. And Loki says over his shoulder to Thor: I believe the sun will shine on us again, brother.

There’s a thought, Loki.

[Hold onto that thought.]

He’s dead a minute later.

*

I got a little mad at some of the characters while watching. Long-time follows may know that one of my favorite sequences in Fullmetal Alchemist (that’s Brotherhood if we’re talking anime) involves - well, a choice not entirely unlike the one that Loki and Wanda and Strange and Gamora and Peter all have to make.

Sometimes: sometimes you don’t need to heroically prove that you love someone. Sometimes the proof is looking them in the eye and doing the right thing, even if it doesn’t keep them safe. Sometimes you save the world first and hold your sorrows close if there isn’t time to circle back and save someone else.

This is not really the moral of Infinity War. T

There are, however, three characters who believe it:

- Doctor Strange, if you subscribe to the theory where he saw the future and knew that winning in the end only came if they lost that day.

- Wanda, during the final battle. It doesn’t help in the long run. [Pesky Time Stone.] It does no good at all.

- Thanos, our villain. But he takes it too far. If the other characters spend too long hunting for an alternative that doesn’t involve handing over someone else as a sacrifice, he doesn’t spend long enough. He wants to save the universe? One must kill half of it to save it. Obviously.

[This is a fellow who is not inventive enough.]

He believes it wholeheartedly: all things must bow before the greater goal. It’s just that he’s chosen a pretty cruddy goal.

But he’s still willing to throw Gamora off a cliff for it, under the silver-bright curl of Vormir’s moon and the watchful eyes of Red Skull.

[Red Skull, who is regretful and alone in a way that his greatest opponent will never be even on the worst days. Steve Rogers has the ultimate revenge in this case, more than he knows.]

*

Things I loved about this movie:

- The whole ragtag, well-intentioned, snarky, broken lot of MCU folk getting to be themselves in every line and action. I have never liked Tony Stark better than I did in this film. Thor finally clicked into focus for me as a character. Peter Parker is a delight - a heartbreaking delight, retrospectively. The Guardians are exactly as they should be. And Cap and Bucky get to meet again - I was up on the edge of my seat as they came to Wakanda, waiting for that reunion.

- The fights - which had me nervous in a way I don’t usually feel during Marvel fight sequences. I think the scale of the combatants made a big difference; they kept emphasizing how huge Thanos was, how powerful, and here are our bright story-folk up against him time and time again. Also, the aliens that attacked Wakanda somehow tripped some switches in my mind to actual oh no mode. Maybe there was just enough dog in their design to do it. Heh.

- Gamora. Her whole awful, awesome backstory, quite succinctly and beautifully summed up. Her first appearance in the movie, sitting front seat in the Guardians’ spaceship, singing to the music and very quietly swaying to the rhythm. Maybe she is “one of the ones that dances,” now. Her courage and her vulnerability and her tough choices.

- Wanda, who pries happiness out of the cracks and crevices of her tragic life, who loves and hopes and wants against the odds, who wields red unburning flame and holds off Thanos and is brave and crying at the same time.

Things I was not as sure about:

- I still don’t know what I think about the Snap. Am I ever supposed to? It’s odd because we know it has to be undone somehow - but we don’t know how, yet. And I don’t know how to feel about such devastation and impermanence at once. Would it have been worse if they’d all quietly collapsed instead of dissolving? Better? Who knows?

- I would not have minded Cap and Black Widow and some of the others having gotten a few more of the little “character moments” that so many of the characters did. There were definitely some “protagonists” for this film more than others. Which is partly a matter of practicality, and I’m definitely biased. But I think everyone does all right with what they have, when they have them.

- I wanted a little more hope at the end.

I am not sure who would have given it - I don’t think anyone felt very hopeful, and I don’t really blame them - but I wished the story could have channeled once more for a moment that flash of defiant optimism we got to see in the first five minutes.

I believe the sun will shine on us again...

[Never mind how much this looks like the end. Hold onto that thought. ]

So think about Infinity War like that, maybe, even though the characters didn’t get the chance to put it into words again. The dark before the dawn. Think how grand it will feel when we tie it together with the end of the story next May.

From now till then, it’s just waiting for the sunrise.

[Aren’t we all doing that, after all - both sides of the screen?]

[ourlittledinosaur]

Mommy: The Ultimate Sleep Association

New Post has been published on http://ourlittledinosaur.azurewebsites.net/mommy-the-ultimate-sleep-association/

Mommy: The Ultimate Sleep Association

More Than the Old Adage

You’ve heard the saying, “all babies do is eat, sleep, and poop”. And while these three things certainly are the majority of my baby’s day (with perhaps the exception of poop, which isn’t currently an every day occurrence), there is so much more going on than that.

He is learning and growing at an amazing rate! And I don’t know about your babies, but mine has been playing with toys, fingers, faces, and toes for quite a while now.

Sleep on a Deeper Level

I’ve been thinking a lot about my son’s sleep, as it is currently the biggest challenge I am facing. Why, you may ask? Because I’m very tired and his sleep habits so drastically affect my sleep habits.

Choosing Our Sleep Method

I have mentioned before my dedication to the no-cry method. Each parent has their different style and this is simply mine. I make no judgments about others who have chosen different methods that work for them.

While I subscribe to the no-cry idea wholeheartedly, there have been times when I’ve played with the idea of just setting my son in his crib and walking away. In fact, I’ve gone as far as to set my son in his crib without his normal sleep associations, but before I get to the walking away part, instant whimpering and tears melt my heart and I’m quickly set back on the path I chose in the first place. (Yes, I’m a sucker!)

My husband and I have been following the No-Cry Sleep Solution ideas for about two months now. Have we seen improvement? Yes, we have. When we started, my son was waking up every hour from 8 pm to 6 am. Now, and nearly six months old, he wakes up about three to four times a night. Has it been a quick-fix? Nope, but that was expected.

In the book, author Elizabeth Pantley even says, “it will either take time or tears”, and just as she said, we too have chosen time.

To recap our specific challenge, I have been working on changing my son’s sleep association from nursing to sleep each time he wakes up.

In the beginning, we struggled to make breastfeeding a reality, and he was a sleepy, lazy eater as it was. The natural progression was that nursing became his main sleep association. It wasn’t truly an issue until we were blind-sided by the four month sleep regression and I realized I’d allowed a “bad habit” to form.

The amount of patience and shear will power it has taken to stick with this method has been a challenge simply because it is not a quick-fix method. I must be honest, the method may work faster for others as I have not been as consistent as I should be – some nights I just choose the fastest path to sleep, instead of the methods spelled out in the book I have mentioned.

The lack of sleep has impacted me in so many ways and I’m learning many things about myself and what I need to improve upon.

Kindness, Humility, & Apologies

This week, my husband was sick and so I tried to be a good wife and let him sleep. Usually, after I have gotten up for the majority of the night wakings, my husband will get up with my son at 5 am. This is when my son becomes alert for the day, and I take a nap to recover from the night’s events.

After morning two of going it alone, it’s mild to say I was cranky. In fact, I was outright mean. Not to my son, whom my husband and I truly try not to have any negative emotions around, but toward my poor husband. Why was I mean? I was jealous of his sleep, of course!

The week previous, I had been sick too, and although my husband took care of my son as much as possible, my son only falls asleep with me, his ultimate sleep association. So no matter how much I needed to sleep, my son needed me more.

So after my sleep-deprived, not-fully-recovered-from-sickness self lashed out at my husband, he calmly got up, sick as he was, to spend time with my son and me. Of course, I immediately felt guilty and humbled by his kindness toward me. Realizing the horrible person I was for waking him up so cruelly, I started to cry. “I’m so sorry honey. I didn’t mean it. I’m just…so…tired.”

He gave me a hug and a kiss and told me to go lay down for five minutes. What an amazing man my husband is.

I went into the next night fully aware that I would be exhausted the next morning, but I was GOING to let my husband sleep and I was GOING to be happy to be awake with my baby, and I was GOING to be the mother and wife God wanted me to be.

Being a Source of Comfort

With much prayer throughout the night as I woke up with my son, each time becoming more and more difficult as my body craved sleep, God gave me peace about the situation and revealed a few things to me.

Here I was, a mother, incredibly blessed to even have a child, and this child only wanted me. He fussed for me and I got out of bed and began our “go back to sleep routine”. I picked him up, held him, spoke gently to him, nursed him and patted his back, then propped him up on my shoulder and stood and swayed with him.

As he fell back to sleep, I gently stroked his face, then kissed him, and whispered, “I love you, son.” Upon lifting him up to put him back in his crib, I hesitated and hugged him close, just soaking him in and enjoying his warmth and soft breathing.

Then I began again to lay my son in his crib. As I lowered him, he put his arm out on the bed, creating resistance to being put down (smarty pants) and whimpered. He wasn’t ready just yet, so I picked him back up and just held him close.

As I held him and swayed, I realized, this baby feels so much comfort, safety, and peace in my arms. Not even my husband can get him to sleep at this stage (and my son loves his Daddy). For now, these precious and fleeting moments are mine and mine alone. What a privilege to hold such a place in my son’s life.

Our Interactions with God

Whenever my husband and I are trying to decide how to deal with a new challenge as parents, we try to understand how God would want us to handle the situation. How can we best emanate God’s character in our lives towards our child and towards each other as well?

When it comes to this sleeping thing, God is teaching us patience. Especially me!

A few weeks back, I was chatting with a friend (who has four children, I might add) about asking God for patience through the night. She said, “I have to pray for patience with one of my kids every day. And I’m usually confronted with a situation that TRIES my patience.” I said, “Yes, I know God uses circumstances to build our character. But I didn’t really want my character built at the moment, so my prayer last night went something like ‘please give me patience RIGHT NOW!'” She laughed. (Now how’s that for irony? A little impatient praying for patience.)

Through mothering my son, God truly is teaching me how to be a more patient and loving person.

When all I want is sleep, my son needs my attention and comfort. And although he is not “cooperating” with what I would like him to do regarding sleep, I will wait. I will give him the time he needs to adjust. I will train him, day by day, to learn to sleep without me. No matter how long it takes, I want to choose to lead him gently.

This path is probably not the easiest one. It’s certainly not the quickest way to restful nights. It is a sacrifice, and is requiring a graciousness that God is providing beyond my own abilities.

When I think about how God interacts with us, I am so humbled. How often are we “uncooperative” with His plans for us, yet He is patient, kind, and consistent in His guidance. His methods are perfect. He alone is wise. He is gracious and merciful beyond our comprehension or ability to imitate.

Learning Lessons

Despite already giving us so many gifts, God continues to provide peace and comfort in these times in the wee hours of the night, when the only words I can short-sightedly pray are, “please let this child sleep tonight”.

And yes, I have wondered, “Why would God not immediately grant this request for sleep? He gives good gifts. Sleep is a good thing, right?” Yes, but perhaps I am needing to learn these lessons now. Perhaps there is a more difficult challenge than sleep-deprivation in my future. (Teenage years come to mind…)

I am also reminded that my sleep sacrifice for my son pales in comparison to the sacrifice God provided us through His own son.

I’m so very grateful for the comfort and peace He provides me, though I admit, I rarely embrace it. Just like my baby putting his hand out to keep from being set down, I want to acknowledge His comforting presence in my life and embrace the peaceful place God has provided in Himself as my Father.

How Sweet it is to be Loved by You

Despite the “problem” nursing to sleep has caused (particularly in public), during my son’s nap today I was again reminded in such a sweet way, what a privilege it is to be his “ultimate sleep association.”

My son sleeps longer if I nap with him, and let’s face it, I can use the sleep anyway, so win win for us!

He awoke from his light sleep, and I had moved back a bit, away from him (one of the suggestions given for co-sleeping). With his eyes still closed, he reached his little hand out searching for me. I watched, as he patted his lovey, and the bed next to him, then I moved in close to him and said, “I’m here, baby.” Upon feeling me next to him and hearing my words, he went right back to sleep.

Then tonight as we were going through our bedtime routine, my son lifted his head off my shoulder, not to fuss or burp (as is typical), but to lift his hands to my face. He proceeded to pat at my mouth and my nose, (and my eyeball…) before laying his head back down on my shoulder.

With my heart as warm as can be, all I can say is, “This is love” and how very sweet it is.

“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:4

What about you?

What lessons has God taught you through your interactions with your children? Your spouse?

Like this post? Help us and others by Sharing!

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Mommy: The Ultimate Sleep Association

New Post has been published on http://ourlittledinosaur.com/mommy-the-ultimate-sleep-association/

Mommy: The Ultimate Sleep Association

More Than the Old Adage

You’ve heard the saying, “all babies do is eat, sleep, and poop”. And while these three things certainly are the majority of my baby’s day (with perhaps the exception of poop, which isn’t currently an every day occurrence), there is so much more going on than that.

He is learning and growing at an amazing rate! And I don’t know about your babies, but mine has been playing with toys, fingers, faces, and toes for quite a while now.

Sleep on a Deeper Level

I’ve been thinking a lot about my son’s sleep, as it is currently the biggest challenge I am facing. Why, you may ask? Because I’m very tired and his sleep habits so drastically affect my sleep habits.

Choosing Our Sleep Method

I have mentioned before my dedication to the no-cry method. Each parent has their different style and this is simply mine. I make no judgments about others who have chosen different methods that work for them.

While I subscribe to the no-cry idea wholeheartedly, there have been times when I’ve played with the idea of just setting my son in his crib and walking away. In fact, I’ve gone as far as to set my son in his crib without his normal sleep associations, but before I get to the walking away part, instant whimpering and tears melt my heart and I’m quickly set back on the path I chose in the first place. (Yes, I’m a sucker!)

My husband and I have been following the No-Cry Sleep Solution ideas for about two months now. Have we seen improvement? Yes, we have. When we started, my son was waking up every hour from 8 pm to 6 am. Now, and nearly six months old, he wakes up about three to four times a night. Has it been a quick-fix? Nope, but that was expected.

In the book, author Elizabeth Pantley even says, “it will either take time or tears”, and just as she said, we too have chosen time.

To recap our specific challenge, I have been working on changing my son’s sleep association from nursing to sleep each time he wakes up.

In the beginning, we struggled to make breastfeeding a reality, and he was a sleepy, lazy eater as it was. The natural progression was that nursing became his main sleep association. It wasn’t truly an issue until we were blind-sided by the four month sleep regression and I realized I’d allowed a “bad habit” to form.

The amount of patience and shear will power it has taken to stick with this method has been a challenge simply because it is not a quick-fix method. I must be honest, the method may work faster for others as I have not been as consistent as I should be – some nights I just choose the fastest path to sleep, instead of the methods spelled out in the book I have mentioned.

The lack of sleep has impacted me in so many ways and I’m learning many things about myself and what I need to improve upon.

Kindness, Humility, & Apologies

This week, my husband was sick and so I tried to be a good wife and let him sleep. Usually, after I have gotten up for the majority of the night wakings, my husband will get up with my son at 5 am. This is when my son becomes alert for the day, and I take a nap to recover from the night’s events.

After morning two of going it alone, it’s mild to say I was cranky. In fact, I was outright mean. Not to my son, whom my husband and I truly try not to have any negative emotions around, but toward my poor husband. Why was I mean? I was jealous of his sleep, of course!

The week previous, I had been sick too, and although my husband took care of my son as much as possible, my son only falls asleep with me, his ultimate sleep association. So no matter how much I needed to sleep, my son needed me more.

So after my sleep-deprived, not-fully-recovered-from-sickness self lashed out at my husband, he calmly got up, sick as he was, to spend time with my son and me. Of course, I immediately felt guilty and humbled by his kindness toward me. Realizing the horrible person I was for waking him up so cruelly, I started to cry. “I’m so sorry honey. I didn’t mean it. I’m just…so…tired.”

He gave me a hug and a kiss and told me to go lay down for five minutes. What an amazing man my husband is.

I went into the next night fully aware that I would be exhausted the next morning, but I was GOING to let my husband sleep and I was GOING to be happy to be awake with my baby, and I was GOING to be the mother and wife God wanted me to be.

Being a Source of Comfort

With much prayer throughout the night as I woke up with my son, each time becoming more and more difficult as my body craved sleep, God gave me peace about the situation and revealed a few things to me.

Here I was, a mother, incredibly blessed to even have a child, and this child only wanted me. He fussed for me and I got out of bed and began our “go back to sleep routine”. I picked him up, held him, spoke gently to him, nursed him and patted his back, then propped him up on my shoulder and stood and swayed with him.

As he fell back to sleep, I gently stroked his face, then kissed him, and whispered, “I love you, son.” Upon lifting him up to put him back in his crib, I hesitated and hugged him close, just soaking him in and enjoying his warmth and soft breathing.

Then I began again to lay my son in his crib. As I lowered him, he put his arm out on the bed, creating resistance to being put down (smarty pants) and whimpered. He wasn’t ready just yet, so I picked him back up and just held him close.

As I held him and swayed, I realized, this baby feels so much comfort, safety, and peace in my arms. Not even my husband can get him to sleep at this stage (and my son loves his Daddy). For now, these precious and fleeting moments are mine and mine alone. What a privilege to hold such a place in my son’s life.

Our Interactions with God

Whenever my husband and I are trying to decide how to deal with a new challenge as parents, we try to understand how God would want us to handle the situation. How can we best emanate God’s character in our lives towards our child and towards each other as well?

When it comes to this sleeping thing, God is teaching us patience. Especially me!

A few weeks back, I was chatting with a friend (who has four children, I might add) about asking God for patience through the night. She said, “I have to pray for patience with one of my kids every day. And I’m usually confronted with a situation that TRIES my patience.” I said, “Yes, I know God uses circumstances to build our character. But I didn’t really want my character built at the moment, so my prayer last night went something like ‘please give me patience RIGHT NOW!'” She laughed. (Now how’s that for irony? A little impatient praying for patience.)

Through mothering my son, God truly is teaching me how to be a more patient and loving person.

When all I want is sleep, my son needs my attention and comfort. And although he is not “cooperating” with what I would like him to do regarding sleep, I will wait. I will give him the time he needs to adjust. I will train him, day by day, to learn to sleep without me. No matter how long it takes, I want to choose to lead him gently.

This path is probably not the easiest one. It’s certainly not the quickest way to restful nights. It is a sacrifice, and is requiring a graciousness that God is providing beyond my own abilities.

When I think about how God interacts with us, I am so humbled. How often are we “uncooperative” with His plans for us, yet He is patient, kind, and consistent in His guidance. His methods are perfect. He alone is wise. He is gracious and merciful beyond our comprehension or ability to imitate.

Learning Lessons

Despite already giving us so many gifts, God continues to provide peace and comfort in these times in the wee hours of the night, when the only words I can short-sightedly pray are, “please let this child sleep tonight”.

And yes, I have wondered, “Why would God not immediately grant this request for sleep? He gives good gifts. Sleep is a good thing, right?” Yes, but perhaps I am needing to learn these lessons now. Perhaps there is a more difficult challenge than sleep-deprivation in my future. (Teenage years come to mind…)

I am also reminded that my sleep sacrifice for my son pales in comparison to the sacrifice God provided us through His own son.

I’m so very grateful for the comfort and peace He provides me, though I admit, I rarely embrace it. Just like my baby putting his hand out to keep from being set down, I want to acknowledge His comforting presence in my life and embrace the peaceful place God has provided in Himself as my Father.

How Sweet it is to be Loved by You

Despite the “problem” nursing to sleep has caused (particularly in public), during my son’s nap today I was again reminded in such a sweet way, what a privilege it is to be his “ultimate sleep association.”

My son sleeps longer if I nap with him, and let’s face it, I can use the sleep anyway, so win win for us!

He awoke from his light sleep, and I had moved back a bit, away from him (one of the suggestions given for co-sleeping). With his eyes still closed, he reached his little hand out searching for me. I watched, as he patted his lovey, and the bed next to him, then I moved in close to him and said, “I’m here, baby.” Upon feeling me next to him and hearing my words, he went right back to sleep.

Then tonight as we were going through our bedtime routine, my son lifted his head off my shoulder, not to fuss or burp (as is typical), but to lift his hands to my face. He proceeded to pat at my mouth and my nose, (and my eyeball…) before laying his head back down on my shoulder.

With my heart as warm as can be, all I can say is, “This is love” and how very sweet it is.

“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:4

What about you?

What lessons has God taught you through your interactions with your children? Your spouse?

Like this post? Help us and others by Sharing!

Share List

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