#after she learns the truth about Jin's death

[variantia]

Elsa before her fallout with Geten: *FREEZES SOLID anyone who so much as breathes a bad word about him*

Elsa after her fallout with Geten: HE'S A LITTLE BITCH BRING HIM HERE AND I'LL FREEZE THE WATER IN HIS EYEBALLS

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt.65)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: The truth always comes out one way or another, and with Jimin temporarily whisked away for surgery- it's up to you and yoongi to answer Namjoon's questions.

Tags: Angst, blood, guns, murder, discussions of morality, descriptions of dead bodies, discussion of past spousal abuse, confessions, hurt/comfort, sickfic, hospitals, reconciliation, vmin focus, Trans! tae, Everybody lives nobody dies,

W/c: 15.0k

A/N: this chapter is a bit heavy on the dialogue but! sorry that this chapter came out when it did, we're finally here! sorry for the break in chapters- I got some not great news about a family members health and wanted to spend some extra time with them over the holidays.

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

The abandoned industrial building rises without warning from the mist and fog. You could almost call in lonely. Although it has its comfort in its stillness, the same way that monsters that do not move do not instill fear. A foe vanquished but not forgotten.

The body. The dust. The puddle of blood by the door is more than enough evidence for plausible deniability. The faint splatter of it here and there like confetti left after a parade, or flower petals that fall in spring and pile up like snow.

Moonbyul stands in the doorway, like a pagan in a house of God. Out of place and out of mind. Dark coat unblemished by dust or blood. She doesn’t stoop to touch the ground or try and clean up the evidence from Jimin and Jin’s misbegotten hours here. She doesn’t think Hobi’s name, although she knows it.

God does she know it.

She’s poured over all the files that her men have collected about your pack for weeks now. Searching out weaknesses like a snake searches rabbit holes for soft fur and an easy meal. She’d spent the most time lingering over Tae’s file. The photos that shift from short hair to long, lipstick that she finds too pink and distasteful.

Red is better color.

She'd spent a long time pouring over Jin’s too because she’d needed to. Jimin and her cousins had been glossed over. She already knows enough about them to last a lifetime.

But only one file had given her paper cuts. Revenge on paper is not as sweet as it should be.

She doesn’t need to read that file anymore. Although she hears the words that the youth said so many months ago on repeat, you and Hobi in the coffee shop caught only on security camera. “I think I heard something I shouldn’t have”. As well as the ones that followed.

Contrary to popular belief, Moonbyul doesn’t like killing. She views it only as a necessity. She looks at the blood on the floor without any disgust. It’s been a long time since she’s cleaned up any alpha's mess, and she’s not going to start now.

She looks down at the blood and smiles. It’s a rare thing- seeing her smile. It’s different from her grin that bares her teeth. Sharped incisors changed and honed just before she’d been appointed the head of the moon family.

She remembers her mother's words when she’d looked at them in the mirror for the first time, She remembers that she could still taste the file they'd used to carve them. Metallic, like blood on her tongue.

“All the most dangerous alphas have fangs; you’ll need to learn to use them if you want to fill your father’s shoes.”

Familial death is more of a rite of passage than a time for mourning in the family. A time when power shifts and secrets get covered up or aired out. Like the moon waxing and waning.

Moonbyul hadn’t been born with fangs, the way alphas always are. Moonbyul hadn’t been born with a lot of things.

A smiling Moonbyul is either a happy or a bloodthirsty one. And a happy Moonbyul, when properly stroked- means they get privileges.

Privileges in their pack, amount to small little things most of the time. A night where they don’t have to take the heat inducers. A night where they can wear comfy sweats instead of the lingerie and stifling silk. But if they're extra sweet and good they get better things. A free evening where they can see their families as long as they come home before sunrise.

“Do you think he’s dead?” Solar is dressed as her clone today, with stockings pulled up her milky thighs flashing beneath the long hem. Extra extra cute in the way that she loops her arm into Moonbyuls and pouts. as if she's upset that her alpha is paying more attention to the murder than her.

She still smells faintly of sex, moonbyul, and her own ginger scent. Not like fresh cut- the kind that baked goods have around Christmas time.

Moonbyul smiles, rapping her long nails against where Solar's arm is curled around hers clinging to her as if her life depends on it. It does- Moonbyul and her both know it does. But Solar has always been a good pet. She’s never needed quite as much correction as Wheein who likes to know exactly where her cage ends and begins, or like Hyejin- who needs nearly as much combatting and careful maneuvering as their enemies.

She'd learned from Hyejin. Had never let the others have quite as much freedom or get used to challenging her. There's a reason why Hyejin had demanded to wear her mating mark and why Moonbyul had let her have it.

Omega's however sweet and however docile, still need a cage. Moonbyul's only ever tried to branch out of her tastes once, and she won't ever do it again. Disastrous as alphas are. They make piss-poor lovers and disobedient needy pets.

She sighs. Alphas and their messes.

In truth, the pack could use someone truly obedient, someone for whom being good is as easy as breathing to balance them out. The pack could use a good pup. The pack could use you.

Moonbyul burns in want, stewing in it ravenous. It’s not love, it’s not even really lust either. She’s never been an easily sated person. She’s always wanted too much, always finished the whole pint of ice cream in one sitting. She’s always wanted everything.

That’s why she’s smiling, because she’s about to get it.

She stands a little straighter, holding out her palm. “Why don’t we go see.” Moonbyul doesn’t turn to leave, however. She doesn't walk towards the body dumped at the back of the building, still bearing Jin's fingerprints. A single strand of hair would do it. She doesn’t make any move other than to reach into her pocket and take out a lighter.

She thinks of the family's assassins; The Bee, The Spider and The Wolf. She thinks of Park Jimin. The snake. Hopefully either dead or in the process of dying.

The body in the back of the building is another one of hers. She never thought that this would be the end of the Wolf, he'd always been one of their most reliable killers. Always showed up on time too, an exemplary employee. Not to be easily duped. She'll have to figure this out and pin down What did him in. But that will take time and energy, only one of which she has.

He was only supposed to wait in the wings and ensure that neither Park Jimin nor Kim Seokjin left this building alive, nothing more.

Sometimes things are just coincidences, sometimes if you're lucky- they're just bad luck.

This doesn't feel like bad luck, this feels like revenge.

Solar makes a noise in her throat, a questioning chirp. She really is trying to be her cutest right now. Moonbyul won’t reward her in a way that she likes, a way that she wants. Even songbirds still feel the itch to fly. Clipped wings and all.

She looks at the flame, sparking.

“Why won’t you just leave the evidence? Wouldn’t that be easier?” Solar is not as good as Hyejin at handling this sort of thing, not as experienced. But she’s currently handling other more important things. Things that need her finer touch.

Solar doesn’t understand why Moonbyuls going to light this place up like a fucking Christmas tree and do Seokjin’s dirty work for him. Solar is only a pup, and she’s been kept like that because Moonbyul likes pupish omegas.

She likes the innocence and obedience that people who weren't made for this kind of life have. So eager to please that they're willing to debase their souls. There is no greater sacrifice, no greater sign of love than someone willing to do anything for you.

This also happens to be why she likes you. Why she will have you. because neither Solar nor Wheein have ever been as good at this as you were. The perfect medium between sinful and pious. Cute even while killing.

And 5 is a prettier number than 4. 3 pups for her and Hyejin is a prettier number than 2. They need more than one for each.

Just one more pup, and then their collection will be complete. It took them so long to find the right one, so much trial and error. (Moonbyul despises errors. She's going to try and kill one before this is through)

She won’t let you slip through their grasp, not a second time. You should have never been Yoongi's.

“Wouldn’t it be easier to leave this as evidence? So that the FBI gets them all? We could just like- buy them off if they wanted to take her too-”

“Oh pup” she croons, half gentle. Flicking the lighter and letting it burn in front of her face before she tosses it The soil is so soaked through with gasoline that it lights as easily as a candle, slowly spreading from wall to wall and then- in the doorway, until the heat is too much and they have to move away.

“That wouldn’t be any fun now, would it?”

~-~

(Now, Namjoon)

Namjoon’s shirt is soaked so thoroughly with blood that it makes him cold. The hospital always feels cold, goosebumps rise like a mini mountain ranges on his arms. The hair pressed down where the blood has dried.

It’s not his first time covered in blood, but this time feels different.

He’s shivering, teeth clattering. His hands shake almost too bad to fill out the intake paperwork because he’d rather do it now than later. Park Jimin (registered, Kim) Alpha, weight 165 lbs (give or take a few). Blood type AB. No medications. No known allergies, no known prior conditions. No no no.

No.

Namjoon’s hands shake. He leaves Jimin’s ‘occupation’ blank.

Yoongi sits a few paces back, staring vacantly off into space. On the surface Namjoon would assume that he’s having no reaction and is feeling absolutely heartless about everything that's happened in the last 3 hours. But his breath becomes stuttered every few minutes, like he has to manually force himself to inhale and exhale. Like it’s taking all of Yoongi’s faculties to keep himself breathing and upright and not in a heap on the floor having a mental breakdown.

He kind of wishes Yoongi was crying and screaming instead. Then at least- Namjoon would feel like he had to be the strong one.

He can't get the feeling of stabbing Jimin out of his head, or the sound it it, the wet squelch of knife hitting skin.

Namjoon has cut into people thousands if not hundreds of thousands of times by now. But he’s only cut into someone he loves once, and god Namjoon never wants to do it again- won’t ever be able to touch warm prone flesh and hurt it, not after Minnie. Never again.

The pen in his hand weighs a million pounds. He contemplates asking for a piece of paper and writing out his resignation letter. he breathes in for 5 and out for 9, then sets it down on the clipboard and slides it across the counter for the nurse to take. Namjoon doesn’t hear her quiet tone asking him if he's alright and if there's anything she can do. just shakes his head on instinct.

There is a gaggle of nurses looking around the corner peering at Dr. Kim.

"Do you think he dresses like that outside of work hours?" "I never thought I'd be so attracted to jeans and a tee-shirt." Giggling in quiet voices.

It feels so strange, to hear people laughing while Jimin is dying. Namjoon almost wants to go bite their heads off and report them for poor bedside manner to the hospital manager.

This is Namjoon’s hospital. But Namjoon can’t find it in himself to smile or say thank you to the nurse when she tells him that the second she gets any news on Jimin, he'll be the first to know. He can’t say anything through the mountain of emotion in his throat.

If Namjoon’s love is a mountain, then his anguish is a river threatening to drown him. Yoongi smells like it- the line where water turns clear to brackish, Yoongi’s miserable scent has always smelled like the churning sea and now something that feels an awful lot like seasickness makes Namjoon sway on his feet.

Since he’s done with the paperwork, he promptly returns to Yoongi’s side and sits down. Only once he's sure he's stationary, does he pull a nearby wastebasket over between his knees to upend the contents of his stomach. It hits the top of old gauze pads crumpled up at the bottom and smelling like piss with a surprisingly violent sound, drawing the gaze of more than one person in the waiting room. At least it finally quiets the giggles.

Yoongi’s hand finds Namjoon’s knee, the hole in his jeans, The back of his ribs, stroking once twice. steady and hard the way that Namjoon likes. And Namjoon wishes he could snap at Yoongi. Wishes he didn’t curl into the touch. Wishes he was angrier. Wishes Jimin was perfectly alive and breathing and not going to-

Yoongi’s hand settles on the back of Namjoon’s neck, his throat, pulse hammering, thudding.

They’re just kids and Yoongi's hands are calloused. They've always been.

Deep down Namjoon still feels like he’s only 8 years old. Is just a kid and just starting to understand that the world isn’t all just papercuts and skinned knees; that it means something when people hurt. That it means something when you tell them you won’t let them hurt anymore.

He remembers promising Jimin something similar- a long time ago, the summer they all first met:

Namjoon remembers Jimin, standing in the apartment that wasn't theirs yet, after a movie night, the first movie night that the pack had ever had togeather (not totally togeather, becuase you and hobi hadn't been there yet but still).

It was the first time Namjoon had ever seen Jimin in something other than a designer sweater, sweats and a tee-shirt so ordinary that Namjoon was surprised it didn't make him look less intimidating. standing in the doorway waiting for Namjoon to notice him and look up from his medical journal.

"Yes Minnie? Did you need something?" jimin had shifted from foot to foot. looking up at jimin, a first slice of vulnerability in his eyes.

"Tae and Jungkook, they've got a bit of pain in them. I want to know what you intend to do with it." namjoon set his glasses to the side, the papers rustling as he forgets his reason.

"Make it better hopefully?" Namjoon had been struck with how oddly intense he'd been. Jimin had opened up with time and had gone sweet and trusting with the right amount of love. But he'd looked intimidating in his dark clothes and the wrinkle between his eyes like he was used to furrowing his eyebrows. A cute detail that Namjoon already wants to brush away. To touch. to cradle. To love.

He'll catalogue all of Park Jimin's cutest things in time. He'll treat love as a scavenger hunt, to find the softness in someone who tries so outwardly to be gruff and strong.

Namjoon's stained sleep clothes and promises felt all the more shabby in comparison.

"I need you to promise."

Namjoon had avoided it. Unwilling to meet his words with the same intensity. Jimin doesn't take chances with Jungkook and Tae. Tae's low laugh from the other room, Yoongi's matching grumble, overly fond already. Overly fond from the beginning.

"What about you? Doesn't everyone have pain?"

"Just promise."

"I promise to look after the three of you." Jimin had scoffed. Puffing up like a bird with too many feathers.

"I don't need looking after. Just them- when I go away for work."

"I know, but let me do it anyway." Smiling at the pretty alpha was so easy, so easy with the sounds of Jungkook and Jin's giggles in the other room. Laughter building itself into the walls around them.

"I promise not to hurt you or them. You have my word."

Namjoon lied, Namjoon lied back then and he didn't even know it. He upends his stomach again and Yoongi rubs down his spine.

“He’s not going to die Joon, he’s going to be fine.” Namjoon continues to empty his stomach, it’s pizza mostly, a bit of coffee, and a half-digested protein bar from this morning as well.

“Does hurting the people you love ever get easier?” Namjoon asks. Honesty, not anger in his tone.

Yoongi’s hair has gotten longer and hangs in his eyes. Yoongi never grew his hair out before you, always kept it in that short black sort of coconutty style. It makes him look older and all the more beautiful. Namjoon wonders if that’s why you like it; How regal it makes your mate look.

Yoongi has asked so much of Namjoon in the last few years, from leaving to coming back and bringing you. To hiding the mating mark and now this. Namjoon tells himself he should care more about Yoongi's lies and less about the fact that he just lied, period.

“No,” Yoongi grimaces. He always gets so quiet when things are bad, steady in that consistent way. He still hasn't stopped stroking Namjoon's back. Namjoon knows this is simply all Yoongi knows how to do, his first instinct is to love and not much else. “It was never easy.”

It’s not weird that they re-hash this now. Every time Namjoon learns more about how and why Yoongi left, he understands it more.

“I threw up too, just so you know- when I left, leaving you made me so sick that I hurled the second I got on that train. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” He blinks back wetness in his eyes, “I don't remember if I've ever told you that."

Namjoon nods. He can't remember right now either.

It’s been an hour or so now since Yoongi drove fast but steady steady steady to the hospital. Namjoon in the back while he stabilized Jimin in much the same fashion that you'd done earlier. The rest of the pack should be here soon. The three of you only lingered behind to clean up a bit and change your clothes, covered with blood and muck and who knows what else.

Yoongi sits like a statue and Namjoon can’t even look at him, can’t ask any questions or even start because he already feels like he’s yelling, and Namjoon hates yelling. This isn't isn’t exactly the most private venue for secrets that could land Jimin in jail.

Namjoon's still not entirely convinced that stabbing him was worth it. Namjoon’s brain is dizzy with terror. He’s still dizzy when he turns and sees you walking through the front doors to his hospital, Jin and Hobi trailing behind you.

He remembers the way you’d looked the day they’d gotten you checked out for the first time; how you’d run and pressed your face to his chest and buried your face there like just the sound of Namjoon's heart could make every demon and monster go away. For a moment, Namjoon thinks you might do the same thing. But your steps are measured, slow, and purposeful.

Namjoons eyes train on you, following you as you walk,

Yoongi stands, leaving Namjoon sitting with a cooling pail of vomit between his legs. he says something to you, to jin, but you don't pause, continuing until you're standing in front of him.

You don't say anything to him, just peer into the bucket and make a disgusted face down at it. Namjoon's teeth feel too sharp in his mouth with such a tense jaw.

Hoseok is on the phone, face gaunt and tired-looking. He must have drawn the short end of the stick and has the job of calling Jungkook and Tae and telling them what happened. They really shouldn’t drive themselves, but all Namjoon can reasonably do is restrain himself from cornering you and Jin and start demanding answers. 

He barely even turns to Jin when the omega goes up to the desk and asks if they can have a room, please. A private place for the pack to nurse their worries and not crowd the already-packed waiting room. Namjoon couldn’t name the nurse by name right now if he wanted to but he’s well known here and well-liked too. They give them one of the adjacent exam rooms to wait- Jimin’s surgery will take a few hours more, and there isn’t anything to do but wait.

Terrible terrible waiting, terrible terrible time. (You get a bucket when you want a drop and a drop when you want a deluge. Time only comes in two increments; too much or not enough.)

You drop a hand on Namjoon’s shoulder without a word. After some beckoning Namjoon follows you into the room. Legs shaking and sluggish at first. The pack is quiet even as the door closes. 

But once Namjoon's moving it’s hard to stop, careening like a comet or a bullet in your direction. Staggering.

You’d taken precious seconds to change your blood stained clothes before following Namjoon. You all pulled on the first things you could get your hands on. Which is how you’ve ended up in your mate’s shirt and Jungkook’s jacket, and how Hoseok’s in one of Tae’s extra-large pink sleep shirts stained from hair dye underneath Namjoon’s puffer coat and a pair of jungkook's grey work out sweats. Jin had been a little bit more purposeful- his sweatpants match- his matching purple set.

Namjoon's shirt is dark from blood, the bloodstain drying crusty, sticking to his skin like glue.

To say that Namjoon is angry is an understatement; rage rolls off of him in quiet unending ripples carrying with it the strength to change the pack for good if he’s not careful. He doesn't walk to the chairs no- he bee-lines it to you.

He watches you startle and turn, eyes widening. You do not make to move out of his path. 

Namjoon has never made you feel afraid before, but the pulse of it, the threat of fear is there as he backs you against the wall until your body lies against it. Looming over your head, so much taller and larger than you.

An alpha. An alpha hunting.

You tremble but you do not move to avoid him when he corners you.

He has a tiny bit of blood on his face, and a hairline splatter, almost like a constellation of stars across his temple. His fingers are harsh and shaking when they dig into your cheeks, pinching them until your lips open. Your knees tremble and you press your palm flat against the wall.

His scent thunders so thick and consuming that you can't physically stop yourself from trying to bear your throat. Namjoon stops you, holding you in place.

His eyes are dark and heavy-lidded as he looks down at you, He pinches your cheeks harder, shakinging you just a little. His voice is steady when he speaks, inches away from low snarl.

“Never make me hurt one of our packmates again.” You swallow, although it’s hard. And he pinches again- harder before you get a chance to speak- to try and defend why you brandished that knife at Jimin hours ago. Namjoon holds your face the same way he held the knife- tenderly.

“I mean it. Never.”

He holds you there for a second longer before he lets you go, leaving you gasping. His hand slides down your throat to your shoulder and neck, You would fall over if it wasn't for his touch keeping you up.

“I’m sorry.” You choke out, a few stingy tears making themselves known at the corner of your eyes. Namjoon rests his forehead against yours and closes his eyes. His spiky silver hair hits your skin. Rough.

After a second, he opens them again. Nodding. And his scent loses its bitter edge. He guides you to rest against his chest. You take big gasps of his scent now that he's giving you permission. Your instincts thunder through you so viciously that you can't physically stop yourself from tilting your neck and bearing your throat. 

Namjoon just drags a finger down it, humming. He holds you up, arms around you, a shield and a cage.

“It’s not okay.” I’m not okay, “but I forgive you.” Your knees do give out when Namjoon’s hand brushes the back of your neck, fingers digging in, a half hearted scruff that feels a bit like an apology of his own.

Even if he wants to be angry, anger won’t accomplish anything. Especially with you. His anger will only make you afraid and although Namjoon cannot be expected to control his emotions all the time, you have no reason to fear him.

He's never going to hurt you. He promised.

He walks you two strides, to put you into a chair next to Yoongi. Your mate takes you from him. The plastic chair makes a loud scraping noise against the linoleum floor. Jin's on your other side looking just as tired as the rest of you.

You'll get no rest tonight, sleeping in Jimin's hospital room when he gets out of surgery. Every fitful dream interrupted by the oxygen monitor on his arm. the first few hours when it will go off twice and prompt examination of his vasculature and operation site as well as a fresh dose of blood thinners. The biggest danger going forward will be blood clots; one too large in jimin's arm could leave his hand with nerve damage, numb for good.

But for now, Namjoon looks down at you, yoongi, and jin sitting in the plastic chairs. Secret, killer, and agent. All there in a pretty little row. Namjoon glares down at the three of you and crosses his arms.

“Explain.” Namjoon can’t wait another minute, another second. “Explain to me everything going on in my pack that I don't know about right now or I swear I'll-"

Yoongi scoffs, "That you'll what? That you'll tear us apart Namjoon? that you'll leave? Look around you- we're already falling to pieces." 

"You don't honestly expect me not to be angry that I had to stab jimin do you-"

"No, but don't yell at her. I have my limits."

"I wish I was one of those limits, but i'm clearly not since you insist on fucking over our pack-"

Jin turns, cutting them off from their argument with the true shock of his next words. You know that's what he's intending- but it sort of backfires. "Joonie, Don't get mad at Yoongi or her for this. Especially since I'm the one who shot Jimin. It was an accident."

You flinch, then put your head in your hands, namjoon's scent goes impossibly thick and angry for a second before he gets it under control. You physically watch Namjoon's hackles raise. watch Yoongi push back in his chair, leg jumping, running his hands through his hair looking from you to Jin, then back again.

"Jin, you should have kept that to yourself."

"What the fuck-"

Namjoon looks like he doesn't know weather to cry or laugh. "You don't just shoot someone on accident-"

Jin's got the best scoff, one worthy of music screens not just the quiet tomb of this room. Your relationship that's dying all around you. "You don't just stab someone on accident either and yet here we are-"

There are some secrets you take to the grave and others that you keep for too long, so long that they make a grave out of you. Keeping secrets is like keeping someone else's heart beating, you run out of blood eventually. 

You might vomit up the truth all over the hospital floor just like Namjoon did a few minutes ago. You feel sick and light-headed and sort of like you might have low blood sugar. namjoon's scent, angry alpha affects you more than you realize.

You start to teater, and their next biting words get extinguished when you almost fall out of the chair, nearly sliding to the floor before Namjoon catches you. One knee dully aches as he picks you up like you weigh nothing, ducking in close, real concern in his face, all his anger gone.

"Shit are you okay?"

"Pup?"

"Just got lightheaded-" Whatever it was, your lightheadedness will have to wait for another time. It's honestly probably just stress. Your heart feels like it's beating extra fast, extra hard.

Namjoon places you gently back in the chair and Yoongi touches your shoulder, the trio of their concerned faces that you swat away.

"We should wait for Hobi." You still owe him an explanation- for earlier and these aren't the kind of secrets you say more than you have to. A cup of water gets thrust into your hands and for once, they fall silent.

When Hobi comes in he’s mostly quiet holding his phone in his hand. Looking at you from across the room. His soulful eyes watching you, head tipping to the side in deference.

"Tae's in-" It takes him a second to gather his words. "Tae's in a fucking state. She was crying so hard that Jungkook had to call them an Uber. I just told her Jimin had been stabbed and nothing else because I didn't know what to tell her."

"That's probably for the best we don't have to-" your mate starts, but Namjoon cuts him off.

"No, no more secrets. Not between any of us."

Hoseok still has a hickey from you on the side of his neck, from you earlier. Jin's fingers skim down the one on your shoulder where a mirrored mark sits knocking you out of your Hobi-induced reverie, red and bruising from his mouth. Jin raises his eyebrow at you, but now is not the time to tell him about you and hobi.

"We've got like- maybe 30 minutes until they get here."

You swallow past a lump in your throat, readying yourself for it, “better make it quick then,” Namjoon waits, Seokjin is silent, watching you, gaze flickering from you to Hobi every few blinks. Yoongi holds onto your knee, sliding his palm down to your hand, your wrist. Finger digging into the sensitive scent gland there and rubbing comforting circles.

You swallow hard. “We’re all on each other's sides, right?”

“Of course,” Jin crosses his arms like he's offended you even had to ask. You bite back your retort. Namjoon nods, so does Hobi.

Your hair flops as you nod. But you still look to Yoongi to wait for permission. After a breath your mate nods and spreads his hands, giving you the floor.

If there’s one thing you know it’s that you can’t do this alone, you and Yoongi, Namjoon and Jin, Jimin and Tae. You and Hobi. There is no separation here, not when it comes to your safety. Each of you cannot keep the rest safe on your own.

“I met Jimin a few months before I met Yoongi, I…Yoongi’s family-”

Yoongi resists the temptation to speak for about 10 seconds when you fall silent. You can sense the moment that the truth shifts, when it explodes at Yoongi’s tongue. Unbidden but frantic and relieving like it's taken Yoongi's whole being to keep all this in.

“My family, I've never liked calling them that. Blood means nothing to me, you guys, you guys were always my family more than them." The pack is silent but you lace your hands with his and nudge his thigh with yours, encouraging him to go on.

"My relatives run the largest network of organized crime on the East Coast, from Boston to Miami. Everything from racketeering to prostitution to production and distribution of pharmaceutical-grade opioids. cover ups, sale of illegal weapons, extorsion of political officials and blackmail. If you can think of a crime they do it. If you can think of a way to make money, they've got their hands in it. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t go home- why my parents-”

Yoongi breaks off, his voice going small and quiet. Wounds he doesn’t talk about- even to you.

“There’s maybe 200 of us now. I’ve got a lot of fucking aunts and uncles. We try to stay in our lanes, our cities, and deal only in our respective crimes. There's a lot of politics and a lot of people vying for control here and there, but only alphas are allowed to lead, omega's increases the bonds of power in other ways and beta's- You know how rare beta's are- in my family- i'm treated as second only to the family head. Being a beta offered me certain liberties. Other freedoms. Not only to avoid most of the violent stuff- but to leave and move around without asking for permission. It's like a get out of hell free card. Not everyone gets that."

You snort, crossing your arms over your chest, “You mean they didn’t exactly expect you to go about popping heirs or advancing the family business through murder and ruining innocent people's lives. not like they expected with me."

Hoseok shrivels his nose, He looks from you to Yoongi- eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “hang on i thought- Are you guys trying to say you’re fucking related or-”

“Oh my god daisy-”

You splutter, “gross- No, we’re not fucking like- blood-related or anything.” You tap your chest. "I'm non family- brought in from the outside. Which means I was just about as valuable as piss to the aunts. In our world the only reason to mate or marry is for power- any other reason and your spouse is considered disposable." you cross your legs, admitting something you've kept to yourself, not a secret just a suspicion. "Geumjae never intended to keep me around forever."

Seokjin makes a strangled noise and Namjoon runs his hands through his hair, “Jesus Christ.”

Hobi raises his hands bare, “Sorry! You’re not doing a good job of explaining!”

"Well, if you just gave me a minute to get to the point-" Yoongi seems to shake himself, to put himself together. “Like she said- I'm not expected to partake in the family buisness, Only alphas are allotted that 'honor'." Yoongi puts the words in quotations and adds an eye roll for good measure.

"Mainly- I’m treated as some sort of glorified advice Column. People call and ask me things and I’m required to answer or else they’d hunt me down and drag me back. They bring me in to coordinate stuff because I'm a beta and I keep everyone calm and keep them from killing each other and shooting out their squabbles. I tried to keep you guys safe that’s why I left but-“

Jin’s hand goes to yours, nodding, because he understands. “But not why you stayed away.”

“No. It's not.” The pack's eyes naturally stray to you.

“The heads of houses report to the family head and she directs them to me if they need a beta's touch. Only she hasn't- the new Don hasn't asked anything of me since taking power. When the last one died- my grandparents- I left to help with the transition. But the new Don doesn't need me."

You flinch, you try to hide it but Yoongi turns, ferreting out that there's a secret there without you having to confess it. Your voice is darker than they’ve ever heard. "It's not that she doesn't need you- it's that she doesn't trust you."

Yoongi tries not to sound accusatory. "Her trust isn't something you should be after."

“It’s not- promise I just-” You pick at a stray thread on your pants.

The linoleum floor in front of you is polished so clean that you can see your reflection in it. "She shouldn't trust me either- and she knows it. Believe me she knows it."

Now it's Yoongi's turn to look at you. To pull himself to the edge of his chair to try and get in front of you. A wordless question that he dares not speak.

"Before you, I was already trying to do whatever I had to survive. including doing what everyone else did back in that hellhole and ask for help-"

Yoongi stands, to much energy and panic in his body to stay seated. “You didn’t." This is a fight and a confession you shouldn’t have In front of the rest of them.

You look up at Yoongi, eyes beseeching. He's quiet and you make your words as measured and soft as you can. "I asked your grandparents first- and then when she told me as long as I did what she said she'd get me out I-"

“She’s more dangerous than Geumjae, you can’t have honestly been trying to trade one captor for another."

The whole pack is silent, watching the two of you. Not really understanding. But Jin- Jin pursues his lips. You don't know how he knows but he does.

Yoongi’s face goes truly white. Yoongi’s hands are shaking. Shaking until he grabs the handles of your chair, knees to the ground, bowed in front of you. Letting your silence stew for a second.

Maybe it’s a terrible thing to blame it on her, you hadn’t fought not to kill. But back then it had really felt like your only way out, the only way to escape the ever-suffocating pressure of trying not to die.

“For what it’s worth, I had no idea what they meant to you when she made me help her kill them.”

Something shifts in Yoongi’s stature, from surprise and shock to resignation so quickly you almost miss it. A tense set to his jaw but a tight-lipped understanding as his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips and he rests his forehead on your knees.

He's very careful in his words. Slow with them and intentional when he lifts his head and stands. You don't know if they're lies. “Just like my parents, just like all of us in the family, I knew their days were numbered anyway.” But you loved them once you want to say. You’re not sure why you want Yoongi to be angry at you.

“I won’t apologize, not for what I had to do to survive.”

Yoongi cradles your cheek. Something dark and conflicted in his eyes.

“I know, but I’d forgive you anyway, even if you did it out of anger.”

“And Jimin?” Namjoon asks, Yoongi's hand drops from your cheek. "How does he connect to all of that?"

“I met him first, I asked him.” You hesitate. This isn't your secret to tell and you don't even know all of it- like how jimin even became an assassin or started killing. you don't know his motives. It's one thing to confess your own sins, and another to talk about Jimin's to them without his say-so.

Jin darts forward, holding your hand in both of his, “Whatever we say in this room- I’d never dream of recording. I’m not on anyone’s side but ours.” Jin screws his eyes shut tight, willing you and Yoongi to believe him. "Even with the FBI thing."

Namjoon whirls. He doesn't have to ask before Jin's spilling it. telling the truth.

Jin is measured with his speech, but it's his turn. No more secrets, that's what you've all agreed. "I've been working with the FBI for the last 8 years. They approached me back before we met Joonie- because of my proximity to Yoongi. First as an informant, then an agent and now the head of the task force.

"I only did it because I figured out that being a part of them was the easiest way to keep Yoongi out of jail. As long as I could reasonably assume I was the only one trusted and close enough to keep an eye on him, I could keep all the truly damning evidence out of their hands."

Jin turns to you, resisting the urge to reach out to you for his own comfort, you're looking at him like he's got three heads, but he smiles down at you, that pup-soft smile that he saves just for you when you're both nesting.

"I kept your name off of the photocopies of the recipie you used to kill them. Don't worry, no one but us knows." You look at Jin with new eyes, not a double agent but not an enemy either. Somewhere in between. Your heart pulses, and you grip his hand back.

Yoongi pulls his hands through his hair, angry, his tone grave "Well there's your reason-"

Hobi has been so quiet you've honestly almost forgotten he was there. Elbows balanced on his knees and watching the three of you on trial for Namjoon. "Answer to what."

"You don't understand Jin, you don't understand the laws of the family much less the one you've broken."

"The reason why someone's trying to kill you, if anyone finds out that Y/n killed them- everyone connected to them is fair game."

"You mean-"

"We're all done, if anyone finds out, that's probably why the new head of house was trying to take Jin out- to tie up a loose end."

"Hang on, I'm getting confused again." Hobi runs his hands through his hair, and it fluffs up. "Jimin's what again?"

“Jimin is an assassin, I asked Jimin to kill my husband for me but he said no.” You pick at a strand of thread on your pants, unwilling to look up and meet any of their eyes, not Namjoon’s or Jin’s. “Met him back when we meant nothing to each other. He still feels guilty for not saving me. We talked it out a while ago. It’s okay- I did it myself eventually- didn’t need anyone’s help.”

You look up at Yoongi and he looks like he might want to laugh or cry and can't pick which. “I don’t know much else about Jimin other than that he kills for the family."

"They've got people for everything, a few assassin's they keep on retainer," Yoongi clarifies. "People that anyone can hire if you've got the money for it. There are a few names that the family puts on a no-kill list, Children, the pack mates of the ruling pack, the heads of houses and their immediate packmates. If anyone kills a person on the no-kill list- their life is forfeit. I'm on it by default. The pack mates of the beta are on it too, All of you are on it. No one should be trying to kill you."

Yoongi's never paid much attention to the list, the waxing and waning names and faces and photos. he's been on it since before he was born and with no intent to kill or harm anyone and put himself even potentially in harm's way, he's never sought it out.

Maybe if he had, things would go differently.

A cold rush of realization rushes over you. "That's why Jimin and Jin ended up there" You stand up, adrenaline in your hands. "She was hoping they'd take each other out so she wouldn't have to break family law to kill them."

Yoongi shakes his head, "Something about this doesn’t feel right- something about this isn’t normal.”

Hobi’s phone dings before you can hash it out anymore. He looks down in his lap. “They're here,” he’s up and out of the chair, heading out the door and into the hall so quickly that the rest of you have to chase after him. Namjoon tugs you to your feet, staring at Yoongi and Jin. "Was that enough?" you ask.

"We'll talk more later." is all he says. But he does lace his hands with yours and pull you after Hobi. Your legs are so short you have to take two steps for every one of theirs.

“I wish Tae and Kookie were here for that-“

"They should know” your mate agrees, keeping pace with you in the hallway, dropping back with you when Namjoon accidentally lets go in his haste to get through the door. You make eye contact with Yoongi when you turn. Your back to one of those push doors using your body weight to push through it.

You pause, waiting with Yoongi on the other side of them.

“If anyone tells her about Minnie- should be me.”

(You know exactly how you’ll do it, you’ll tell Tae the story of you just like this. You’ll tell it like a story, with author notes and playlists near the end. You’ll talk about Jimin just like this; all of the good parts and all of the bad all in one. So that she might truly understand that having a choice doesn't always mean you're free to do whats right.)

Yoongi nods, “I can tell Jungkook. I think if I do it gently, he won’t get shocked enough to have a seizure.”

You pause before the doors open, to have just a moment with the two of you, just you and him leaning against it. He shifts closer, not holding you, hands by his side but he's close enough that you could rest your head on his shoulder. You do rest your head on his shoulder. Just to hear his heartbeat thud sluggish and heaven-sent against your ear.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” It feels like it’s been ages and ages since you’ve had a quiet moment with him like this. You resolve to have one, to make space for him when this is all over. A private date with just the two of you maybe. Whenever Jimin comes home. “To help with Jimin.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I killed your grandparents.”

“They weren’t good people,” Yoongi shrugs, you've never seen a sadder shrug. “I always knew that. They-” yoongi breaks off, stealing himself for a quiet confession. "I think they might have had a hand in killing my parent. She didn't like it- that they had so much power over me. Future of the family and all."

"You've never said-"

Yoongi pushes through the door, and a high pitched keening cuts off your next words. "Later."

You push through the door and Tae and Jungkook are already there. Entering through the outside doors with a puff of air into Namjoon and Jin's waiting arms. Namjoon holds Tae up as she wails and wails. Her cry high like a nightingale. Jungkook looks pale and shaky, settled under Hobi's shoulder clearly in shock.

You cut through them, ducking under Jin's outstretched arm and colliding with Tae before anyone else can join Namjoon in holding her. falling to little heap on the linoleum floor, just at the precipice of the long hallway that connects to the patient rooms and the nurse's stations to other surgical suites. Drawing countless stars, countless looks from passersby as Tae's sobs renew themselves, loud and broken.

You clinging to each other. Her arms around your shoulders, cradling your head like it's the last safe thing in the universe.

“Jimin,” her voice breaks, throat closing around nothing. Sobs wet and angry, hot tears dripping down her cheeks, big and unabated by hope. "Minnie- My Minnie-"

You cling back, getting your hands on her cheeks. “He’s gonna be fine, he’ll be alright- here- here let me help you up. We've got you Tae-”

Jungkook looks a bit better, a little bit less like he’s drowning. Jin reaches for him while you hold onto Tae. And JK’s nostrils flare, he steps back, looking Jin up and down. Tae clings to you on the floor of the hospital and you look up at them. At Jin and Jungkook, standing a pace apart. Jungkook's hands keep Jin from coming any closer.

“You smell like Jimin does when he comes home from his trips, you smell like gunpowder. And mucky-” Jungkook's voice breaks, "Jin? Why do you smell like blood?"

There are too many people around, too many people for something like this. You're just glad It’s a quiet omission, Jungkook’s scent is level and so is his breath.

Maybe you should give him a lot more credit. Yoongi might not have to tell him much.

Tae's tears hit your collarbones as she crushes you, sobbing loudly in your ear, immune to the string of sweet nothings that fall from your lips. Whispered against her temple.

To everyone else in the hallway, rushing in the late-night hum, you and Tae look just the way that you’d expect; Two girls clinging to each other, one tall and the other short. One an alpha and the other an omega.

The rest of the pack is so blinded by their concern and their terror that they don’t look up. They don’t look down the hall to see the figure standing there watching them. One second the hallway is empty of the dark figure and then next she's there- waiting for you.

Her pine and medicine scent is disguised by the smell of death that lingers here. Although more than 2 of the people there might recognize it if they had the patience to sniff it out. They're too distracted by Yoongi dragging Jungkook close and whispering in his ear to keep his voice down.

Moonbyul watches the scene from the end of the hall. Two coffees in her hands. One for her and one for you because she always assumes that you'll go with her when she asks. No matter what’s going on with your pack, Moonbyul is not the kind of person who you say no to. She’ll ask nicely for you to come one more time.

Or so she thought. Looking at you and Tae holding each other is giving her other ideas.

To love a man is something she's always been able to dismiss as a mistake. Little pups just don't know what they need and even less what they want. She'd been prepared to deal with you loving them, the alphas, on paper, even the admittedly pretty omega male currently in her cousin's arms.

But another woman? Even one like that?

Rage is not like other sorts of anger, it’s not like fire burning to take. Achieng to burn until all the heat has worked itself out. Rage is quiet, rage is darkness and a hunger that needs to consume. That will destroy even if you try to stop it.

It's one thing to know that you love a woman besides her, and another to see you peck kisses along her tearstained cheeks. The rage builds as she watches you cup that female alpha’s cheeks. She watches you brush her hair back from her eyes and tuck it behind her ears. She’s got honeyed skin and smudged lipstick (so inelegant) you wipe her tears away and kiss her cheek.

But what makes Moonbyul’s hands tighten into claws, her metal-tipped nails piercing the coffee cups and making them drip onto the ground, wet and hot, is the way you smile at her.

Moonbyul’s rage is like a tidal wave.

By the time the rest of the pack looks up, the hallway is empty except for a puddle of coffee on the linoleum floor and two discarded cups. One with red lipstick stains and the other without.

~-~

(18 hours later, Jimin)

Tae’s cheek is so soft. That’s the first thing that Jimin’s aware of as he wakes from surgery.

Coming out of general anesthesia feels like being a rickety buoy on the busy ocean. One second bobbing to the surface and the next crashing below the waves and taking on water. Sloshy. Everything feels sloshy.

He only feels her at first- not the hospital bed, not the scratchy sheets, Just the feeling of her cheek resting against the palm of his hand. Her gentle breath tickling his fingers in her sleep.

Jimin will always know the particular beat and cadence of Tae’s body. Would know it if the sun got snuffed out like a candle. Would know her breath anywhere because it’s the very fuel to Jimin’s soul, the very thing that sets the tempo to the heart monitor beating out a pleasant rhythm in the midafternoon hum.

Her skin is pillowy and sweet beneath Jimin’s flayed fingers, limp and cold to the touch because of the whole almost bleeding out thing. He doesn’t know it yet, but he's needed 9 units of blood in the past 24 hours. 4 right away, and 3 during the surgery where they removed the knife and stitched his arm together. And another two units just after.

Compared to his own body, Tae feels so warm.

At least Jimin can still feel his left hand. The doctors that stitched him back together must have done a bang-up job, Namjoon even more so. a lot of people can put an arm back together, a whole slew of them, but not many surgeons could stab someone carefully enough so as to not permanently injure them. There are only so many people that he would trust to stab him.

But Jimin trusts Namjoon with a whole lot more than just that.

When he opens his eyes (a task of herculean proportions) Namjoon isn’t there, it’s just Tae in one of those absurdly uncomfortable hospital chairs. She’s bent over his hospital bed in what must surely be an uncomfortable position to sleep in. Her back arched like invisible wings weigh her down. She slept like that, sprawled as close as she could get to Jimin without the nurses waking her up and telling her not to crowd him.

The smudged mascara on her cheeks flake like falling stars, little trails there were tears rendered it useless. Jimin wipes away a black droplet like he's banishing a ghost. She’s cried so much over the last 10 hours, most of her makeup gone and sporting a bit of 5 o’clock shadow too. The faint roughness that Jimin feels no more than once. Because to derive sensory pleasure from that feels…wrong.

He looks at the ceiling, wondering where the others are. He feels the edge of his body, the spot where the wound begins and the pain ends. Who knew gunshots and stab wounds could make you feel so sore? and tired too? Exhaustion pins his body to the bed like a butterfly to a corkboard.

A wire connected to his good hand tugs, But he ignores it in favor of cradling Tae's head and combing through the tangles in her hair. It's gotten so long now, just to her shoulders, but the bits feel so soft and gauzy against his fingertips. He wishes he could feel it forever. It’s much much better than the 5 o’clock shadow.

It takes a dozen passes for Tae to stir.

And then she startles awake, flinching into being. Fresh tears disrupt the mascara flecks as she beholds her soulmate and nearly tugs herself across his bed to get her hands on his face. To hold his cheeks.

To say that Tae has looked better would be accurate for jimin to say but the words would never grace Jimin’s lips. Not even close. Even with a crusty face and greasy hair- Tae looks gorgeous- so pretty that his heart pulses dangerously quickly. so quickly that jimin's suprised the nurses don't come by and check on him.

Maybe they haven’t given him enough opioids for his shoulder because for a second he feels his heartbeat ricochet through his whole body. To his fingers where he's touching her and back to his heart. Every echo and ripple Tae Tae Tae.

Tae bends over Jimin’s body. Her hands go to his face, fingers touching his smile, and thumbs pressed to his faint crow's feet and twinkling eyes. Clutching at him like he’s her lifeline (he is, a red string of fate that keeps her from drowning, always. She was stupid not to use it like an anchor).

“Pup told me.” She says, a note of finality in her voice, lower lip trembling, tears falling anew “told me you kept talking about me even when you were stabbed" she goes quiet, whispering the words like she's scared someone might be listening in.

"Pup told me everything."

Jimin’s eyes flick from her lips to her face, her body, everything. His hands are trembling, chest building with breaths until they’re heaving and the realization of just how much everything she must know hits him.

Tae knows Jimin well enough to know what a panic attack looks like- knows enough how to soothe it. Knows just to hold on and wait for it to pass. jimin's hands splay and flex, rubbing her skin once, twice, and then a third time in an effort to self-soothe.

"It's okay,"

"You mean you're not-" Jimin's heart monitor is going so wild that Tae has to tell him to calm down. Has to run her fingers up and down his scent glands on his neck, nipping at them to settle him. "You're not angry that I'm-"

That I'm a killer, that I'm a monster. That I've kept everything from you. Jimin readies himself, preparing himself for the speech he always knew he'd have to give. You don't understand, I didn't have a choice, I wouldn't have chosen this- I didn't I just. I never killed people who didn't deserve it- because I know that you'd hate that.

For the first time in their lives, Tae and Jimin are sitting across from each other- without a single secret to each of their consciousness. both of them free and perilously unmoored for it.

But there are no words that Tae needs when she looks up at him and smiles. Wetness at the corner of her eyes.

Seeing Jimin in the hospital bed had not felt like Patroclus and Achilles, it hadn't even felt like Orpheus and Eurydice. There was no roaring anguish. The kind that follows when people leave you too soon. Or the bitter vindication that happens when people leave at just the right time (it’s the worst when people leave like that. Either linger or make me miss you. Stay too long or leave me early. Either way is fine. I’ll feel more human if I’ve got longing or hatred to feel).

In truth seeing Jimin in the hospital bed, wires and hooks connected to him- keeping him alive and keeping him breathing, had felt like a second chance. She's not going to let something as simple as a secret spoil it.

Tae knows she should want to know more about Jimin's job as an assassin and should want to ask more questions (if not to understand her soulmate better, than for writing material). She Should be more revolted or disturbed or upset that her literal soulmate kills people for a living, but at the moment, all she can find in herself is just to be glad that Jimin is fucking alive.

It’s funny, how much your priorities can shift.

Jimin looks like he doesn't believe her. "Tae, you can't even kill spiders."

"Would you care?" Jimin falls silent. "Would you care if it was me in your position?"

Jimin swallows hard and winces. He doesn’t have to ask for a sip of water, because Tae has already gotten it for him by the time his good hand closes over his throat. His shoulder is bound so tightly in bandages that he can hardly shift it. Can't reach up to stop himself from spilling a bit of the water down his chin. Her nails (red polished and chipped) wipe away a drop on his lips.

(There's more that you weren't able to tell her just yet; a lot about you and Yoongi and Jin. You've decided to save the bulk of how Jimin ended up in the hospital bed until after Jimin woke up. Later when you can get her on her own you'll tell her. Probably after Jimin's discharged from the hospital. But the other secrets can wait for now).

It won’t really hit her until later. When she’s in her closet looking at all of her pretty things and designer clothes. Fingers toeing along the fine black cashmere sweaters, to the maroon dresses, to the scarlet ones, stopping just before she reaches the pink. The Dior, the Versache, the McQueen. It will only be then that she'll put two and two together and realize they were all paid for with blood money. With people’s lives.

It will bother her then; it doesn’t bother her right now. It will never bother her enough to think about leaving jimin.

How do you make the choice? What to condemn a loved one for? How do you pin down your line of intolerance when it's someone you love with your whole being? Can you decide at all or is it something that your soul chooses for you? The weight of one sin for another. what you're willing to go through.

They would have died anyway. Even if Jimin hadn't killed them, they had someone out there willing enough to pay for their death and they'd have died anyway she rationalizes. We're all going to die anyway.

Maybe it’s a silver lining that Tae no longer believes in the same kind of sin and wrongness that Jimin does. Doesn’t believe in God and heaven at all. Tae has always believed in soulmates more and believed in Jimin the most. More than any god or afterlife.

“I should be angry, anyone else probably would be but-” Tae turns her cheek into Jimin’s fingers, pressing her lips to his trigger finger. Eyes shining when she looks at him. “I’ve wasted too much of my life being angry at you, wasted too much of it feeling anything but love for you- Jimin- if you died, I-”

Jimin cradles Tae's cheek. “I’m sorry for Namjoon’s rut- for what I said. Didn’t mean it. Never mean it if I'm mean-” Jimin’s finger rubs across Tae’s lips, the wide part of his palm splayed across her jaw, and so much is said in that little touch. But they look at each other and laugh. "Not like Noodle."

It shocks a laugh out of Tae and she presses her temple to Jimin's jaw, feels his smile when the joint moves. She realizes that Jimin's still a little high. Probably too doped up on pain medicine to have this conversation but oh well.

“I never thought it would take you getting stabbed for me to realize it,” her lip trembles, “I don’t want to waste another second being angry with you.”

“I don’t want to waste another second with you either. Won't even sleep,” his eyelashes flutter, struggling to stay awake.

Tae pulls herself more firmly on top of the bed and Jimin shifts a little, wakes a little more when she slings a leg carefully over his hips. Being gentle, still conscious of his physical state. He uses his good arm to pull her up and up until She’s splayed across his lap.

Kissing Tae never loses its edge, it always feels like their first kiss, sweet and with that knotted bundle of anticipation. Jimin sits up into the kiss, sits up until his shoulder protests and he hisses into the kiss. "Don't strain yourself minnie-"

"Don't care just-" he pulls her hips snugly. After that words are sparse as they kiss, again and again, lips working together. Sloppy messy love kisses. Every breath tastes like love, every second of it. She giggles pulling apart for a second to get her breath, the heartbeat monitors in the corner going wild. Breath that washes over Jimin like a gust of spring air, cinnamon flower sweat, and heady. Tae’s kisses are better than a first sip of coffee or a breath of fresh air. (They’re better than living, just a little bit).

“If I was any less sore, I’d ask you to bite me right now.”

Tae grins, and it’s a special secret smile. “You said something like that to Pup too."

“I’m so lucky I get to be yours- don't want to waste the luck-" Tae shakes her head stubbornly pulling back.

"I don’t think that you should say you’re lucky. I’m so lucky that this person loved me, or I’m so lucky that I got to love them. Because when it comes down to it, love and luck are not the same thing. Love is not a single event, like winning the lottery, or finding a 100-dollar bill. Love is a choice and you have to choose it a thousand times. Every day you choose it. Luck is such a cop-out. It’s been really nice.”

“God, I hope I’m more than just nice.”

Tae smiles, “Shut up” She goes a little pale. “Actually don’t shut up with me like- ever. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say.” She plays with Jimin’s hands, “Is that when either of us- whoever- goes first-“ Jimin’s grip goes knuckle tight on her waist, he's coming out of it, a little more lucid with every breath. Waking up more.

“When one of us dies- I don’t want to question if I ever loved you enough, I don't want to rely on just luck. I don’t want to think about the days that I could have gone for coffee with you or could have kissed you longer. I don’t want to think that I didn’t get exactly what I wanted and you didn’t get exactly what you wanted too.

"I want to give you one extra kiss every time so that you get twice as much as you would have gotten otherwise. I just want to think that it was nice, that every moment of it was nice- even when we fought, I want to look back on it and think ‘even the sad parts were nice and I got more than I thought I would.' No luck involved.”

She grins down at him, that same youthful grin she’s had her whole life, Jimin thinks of it sometimes- how many times she’s smiled this way and he hasn’t seen. How many more he will see.

“Also, y/n says that you’re allowed to mate me, but not marry me. She says my ring finger belongs to her.”

Jimin slides up the bed, flipping her over, supporting himself with his good hand, sending her sprawling and giggling. His growl is half hearted but promising. Tae laces her hand in his greasy blonde hair and it stays there.

It stays there.

~-~

The rest of Jimin’s hospital stay goes a bit like this:

There is a pair of suits outside the window, dark and imposing. plain clothes police officers watching and waiting like vultures. They’ve already taken statements from the pack but demand to hear from Park Jimin himself.

Lies from the source always taste the sweetest.

There is a story ironed out and penned in stolen moments, you curled up in one packmate's lap and transferred to another, "the pup" Jin had said, the youngest, was not taking her alpha's stabbing well. "She just needs a bit of soothing, sorry." The suits are charmed enough by two cuddling omega's that they don't notice your mouth pressed to their ears, like a game of cuddly murderous telephone.

The story gets ironed out easily, you’d all gone out for pizza, had come home to find Jimin bleeding in your kitchen.

“It’s pretty normal for Jimin to be reckless with his health. I’m not surprised he tried to come home and see if I could stitch him up himself. I'm a doctor at his hospital- Dr. Kim, pack alpha and head of neurosurgery. The knife- you should know I touched it on accident he wanted to remove it himself and I just had to stop him- I’m sorry- I should have known better I was just- so shaken.” Namjoon is a passable liar at best.

Jungkook has folded himself under your mate’s arm, and Jin’s too. He’s still vaguely shaking, bunny eyes wider than usual. In a little bit, Namjoon will drag him over to an empty exam room for a quick check-up. Just to make sure he isn't about to seize on the floor. Yoongi will go with him, Will tell him the truth about all of this then.

But what, with his comment earlier, you wouldn't be surprised if Jungkook has already figured it out on his own.

Jimin doesn’t even need to be coached into remembering it. The police don’t even think of not letting the pack see him, after seeing Tae’s teary eyes. A pretty girl is the best distraction, and the pack has two pretty girls that smell sour and need to tend to their alpha before the police get a chance too.

They’re impatient as they watch you and Tae fold yourself over Jimin’s barely aware body, more preoccupied with looking at your asses than they don’t see your lips moving against Jimin’s ear, mistaking your shaking for the racking sobs. And your quiet words for sweet nothings.

Hobi had barely leashed a growl, and resisted the urge to step in front of you and block you both from their sight.

The story is so easy and simple- a true case of Ockham’s razor. The simplest story with the least details is the most likely to be believed. the story Jimin tells the police goes like this;

Earlier yesterday, a crazy fan of the idol group he guards that must have followed him from his schedule with intent to learn his schedule and get closer to them. Her description is so ordinary that they’ll never find her because she doesn’t exist. Any person found will easily be made inculpable; either by alibi or honesty. Not that the law cares much about honesty, nor that any of you care about possibly implicating a stranger.

Love always did make people go to extremes, it's easily believable.

Nothing else matters. Besides keeping everyone safe. You're united against this.

Once they're gone, other promises get made:

“I want you to quit, this is too dangerous, if something like this happens to you again, I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.”

“We need to make sure we travel in pairs until we figure out what’s going on, why they're targeting Jimin and Jin.”

“I can ask some of my contacts-“

“You’ll do no such thing Yoongi.”

“Do you think we should be like- Armed? Just in case?”

“I don’t think more guns will solve anything but…Maybe.”

In a stolen moment, Namjoon corners you outside Jimin's hospital bedroom, he's holding three bags of takeout, not that Jimin will really be able to eat much of it. The opioids keep down his appetite. That doesn't meant the pack won't try to fuss. As it is, Jimin hasn't been interested in anything but kissing Tae and holding her hand. Pouting whenever the nurses make tae leave.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier," Namjoon has always found apologies easy and has never had so much of an ego that it would get in the way of any of it.

"It's alright, between you and me, I think it was kind of justified." You'd probably yell at all of them if they convinced you to stab Yoongi or tae or any of them.

"No more secrets, okay? Promise me this is the last one." It's easy to promise Namjoon that, so easy. To let him scent you, rubbing his coffee liquor scent all over your shoulder.

(But it's not about the promises that you make, it's about the ones that you break.)

You sit out in the hallway the following morning, still in the same clothes and starting to feel a little bit filthy because of it. None of you have gone home yet. Hobi sits next to you and Jungkook's on the other side.

They’re just checking Jimin’s stitches again, and his hospital room just got a bit crowded. The prospect of checkout is maybe a day away. Tonight is the last you'll have to spend at the hospital.

It was also time to talk over Jimin’s opioid regimen, and the doctor had been nearly delighted when Namjoon had stepped up and taken the lead, reassuring the doctor under no uncertain terms that Namjoon would manage them. You can forgive him for thinking a little too much with his hindbrain. If Namjoon leaned any more into his instincts you'd be worried he was close to going into a rut again.

“Is this what it’s like when I’m in the hospital?” Jungkook asks, sucking on some skittles. It's more sugar than he should be allowed to have especially during a high-stress situation. But Jungkook’s taking the panic to get a little bit of freedom. You cast a glance at Tae, at Yoongi and Jin, standing by the door looking like he’s about ready to twitch out of his skin with the effort it's taking him to stand outside.

Jin had apologized- him and Namjoon both, and Jimin had accepted it instantly. "If I trust anyone to shoot and stab me- it's you two so-"

"But-" they'd argued, but eventually Jimin had turned a little scary, a little threatening. showing a hint maybe- of a persona they're all unused to but you're not. Jimin can be firm when he needs to be. A quick retort of-

"Forcing me to comfort you over something I'm not upset about is not the way to make me forgive you." Shut them up for good (or at least for now).

“Yeah, pretty much.” You hold out your hand for some skittles and he gives you a few. Hobi grimaces and reaches over to take the orange ones out of your palm. He knows you don’t like those. He replaces them with a few green ones.

"It’s fucking boring. I should get you guys like- a DS or something for Christmas.”

“Don’t tell Minnie or he’ll blow all his money on-“ You cringe at your words and Hobi flinches. Jungkook just chews on his candies, they smack against his teeth with a hard clinking sound.

There is still some of Jimin's blood under Hobi's fingernails. You see it when he reaches over to take your Skittles.

The next time Hobi moves to take your Skittles, you grab his hand and pull him to his feet. "Come on."

You lead Hoseok into the women's bathroom, underneath the curious eye of the nurses, all the stalls are empty so you pull him over to the counter.

“You’ve got some- stuff- under your nails- let me.” You rip a handful of paper towels from the dispenser and wet them. You clean Hobi’s hands diligently and he lets you.

He stays quiet, Hobi's been quiet for the last day or so. He hasn't done more than whisper a few quiet words to Jimin and stay close. He didn't say anything during your secret confession yesterday. Didn't ask a single question and the silence bleeds now as you scrub the clean-smelling soap against his skin. Your anxiety builds, and you scrub a little harder. His fingers remain limp in your touch.

“Say something- say anything okay? I need to know that you’re not-” not angry with me. That you don't hate me- that you still love-.

Hobi pulls you against his shoulder in a single clean movement. His wet hands hit your stomach when he grabs your hips. Your nose brushing his throat, his nose skimming your hairline.

“I’m trying not to take too much energy from Jimin- trying not to- be a mess- because he's the only one who deserves the packs attention. I'm not even sure if I am a mess about it. Sure that sucked but-" he sighs, "you and I are kinda like- uniquely able to handle things like this cuz of-" he doesn't need to finish his sentence. Hoseok's lips brush your ear, lips touching your skin, and- he pulls back, smiling softly. It's a tired smile but there it is- soft and special and just for you.

“You’re taking things, remarkably well considering the last time we…”

“The last time we had to deal with something like this?”

You hum, scrubbing a paper towel hard over the ends of Hobi's hands. The white paper goes orange-red with dried blood. "Give it time. There’s still a few weeks for me to go crazy this time.”

But this time, you have a feeling that it will be different. Although Hobi was there the last time- and played an instrumental role in making sure you didn't literally fall apart. It's different now. Right now, your hands tangle on the counter, holding on, even though you try to clean his hands of blood. Holding on is more important, neither of you tries and pull away. You don't have the energy for shyness.

What's more intimate? Sex or murder?

He huffs a small frustrated sound and stoops to rest his forehead against your shoulder, leaning almost all of his weight on you. You take it.

“Maybe this time I’ll take a crack at going crazy.” You laugh, stopping your brushing and just settling for holding him. Hips resting against the counter. The two of you rest, just for a moment.

Your nose against the side of his face where his undercut presses to your skin, spiky. "Still have that train ticket?" Hobi humms, taking a deep greedy breath of your scent to steady himself.

You're not expecting him to pull back and kiss you, but his lips are dry but warm, faintly chapped but yours are too. Pressing soft but demanding against yours. Hobi kisses you just as sweetly as last time and you grip the front of his jacket.

No sooner has he heaved you up on the counter, fingers hooking under your thighs to kiss you stronger- than is the door clanging open and a nurse comes barreling in.

"Ugh- uhm." She's a little stunned, but you're already hopping down, faces flushed and apologizing for the inconvenience.

You don’t throw the bloody paper towels in the garbage, but the toilet, flushing them once, then twice, to make sure that they’re down. Mumbling one last apology before you exit the bathroom together.

Hobi doesn't let go of your hand. You wonder if this is what loving him is going to be like; making out in places you shouldn't, special secret stolen glances when you keep holding hands even around the pack and keep stealing kisses.

You wonder if the kissing will stretch to the cars- to the late night drives, if he'll hold your hand like this around every hairpin turn. If Hobi's going to make you a make out playlist later, full of songs that make him think of you, songs that match the cadence and pitch of your heart. You wonder if loving him will be like this, stolen innocence, like finding sea glass on the beach. There and pretty for the taking if you only look for it.

Your heart feels all warm and tight with it, swaddled. Protected as Hobi tugs you back into Jimin's hospital room. You can't wait to find out.

The next few hours look like this; Namjoon sitting on the foot of the bed his hand on Jimin’s knee, feasting on hospital food. Jungkook giggles, and nearly throws himself across Jimin’s lap so that the alpha can put his hands through his hair. Looks like more takeout, living off of it because no one wants hospital food and you can't go home and cook. You refuse to leave right now.

It looks like Tae smiling for the first time In what feels like years but has logically been only a few hours. Rubbing a hand across her jaw and wincing when she feels the stubble.

Her wince quiets the sounds of the pack happy. And you look up from your plate.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, always stupidly attuned to her and her needs, always watching and waiting.

“I need to freaking shave and I just- I haven’t had the chance to.” Tae lets out a tired sigh, the kind of deep frustration that comes with things that you have no choice but to do.

You take her hand from her chair and tug her up. Because this- this source of angst can be fixed.

“Here- come on,” A shaving razor gets found for her, Namjoon goes to the surgical ward to get the right kind. Sharp and medical and disposable along with a tiny tube of shaving gel. You drag her chair into the bathroom and make her sit while you do it. Lathering up her cheeks and tipping her head back. The whole pack a cacophony in the other room. The shock of skittles and other candies falling onto the floor. Muted words then soft laughter.

You drag the shaving razor up her chin, over her chubby cheeks. Your gentle touch, the soft scrapping of her hair against the blade a gentle accompaniment to the sounds of the pack passing the time until Jimin wants to go to sleep. Jungkook's phone plays a tictok loud, "Bunny- headphones, Minnie's trying to rest" Yoongi reminds him.

Jimin is struggling not to fall asleep, shifting to one side of the hospital bed just to get a better vantage point to look into the bathroom at Tae. Jimin cranes his neck.

Tae's face twitches, and underneath the white froth you see her reddening cheeks. “Stop looking at me.”

Jimin grins from the hospital bed, “Can’t help it, love you.”

“Love you too Minnie” She choruses back, and the pack joins her.

that night, namjoon and yoongi push three hospital cots togeather around jimin's bed and the pack piles in, sweet bodies and kissed cheaks, whiped down with sanitary towels, you end up tucked between tae and hobi, your cheek pressed to her back.

the following morning it becomes impossible to ignore both how purely filthy the 8 of you are and the fact that Jimin's doctors won't let him check out until tomorrow (and even then he'll have days of bedrest and won't be able to use his arm until he gets his stitches out.) You haven't been home in two days, no one can remember if you even locked the front door with how crazy leaving was.

It’s hard to convince Tae to go with you and leave Jimin's side. But she's less resistant when Yoongi reminds her that Jimin needs new clothes to go home in since all of his bloodstained clothing was discarded as medical waste.

“Honestly we should get like- to go bags full of a change of clothes for all of us when like, JK has his seizures,” Maybe it’s just because you’ve done overnights twice in the last week at the hospital- but the idea doesn’t seem like a bad one.

Jin drives you, Hobi, and Tae home in silence; no one tells Tae any of the other secrets yet. Tired as she is, almost falling asleep in the car. Waking with a start when you turn onto your street.

It's a little shocking. When you get home to a cold and quiet house. Jimin's blood has dried up into dark waxy puddles, on the kitchen table and the floor. There are fingerprints from someone, rusty and red on the doorframe. It's stark to see the evidence. To see a bit of it on the butcher block countertop all the terror and the color leached out of it in the grey afternoon light.

Tae is so stumbly that Hobi has to grab her twice just to keep her from walking into walls when he gets her inside. Noodles immediately yowl has you feeling terribly guilty, he circles your and Hobi's ankles. But you push at Hoseok's hands when he stoops to pick him up.

"Take Tae upstairs and shower with her, will you? I'll be up in a second, just gonna feed him and get some stuff together." She's blinking and looking at the bloodstains, eyes already looking glassy with fresh tears.

You need a second, a second in quiet, a second alone just to steady yourself. Jin comes in, dragging in a mountain of mail from your box, "I've got them, come on pups, grooming time."

Jin pecks a kiss along your forehead, "Come up the second you finish?"

You nod, "Just want to get some food first too- hungry."

Jin nods and makes to follow Hobi and Tae but pauses on the stairs. he looks like he wants to say something to you. Eyes full of something unreadable and warm. Unspoken words hover.

If he had to choose anyone, I'm glad he chose you.

But before he can get it out Tae calls from upstairs. "Jinnie? Can you grab one of my comfy sets from the closet down there before you come up?"

You stand, solemn in the kitchen, listening to the sound of them on the creaky stairs, the sound of their quiet voices. The creek of the house as they walk around upstairs.

"Here you go baby," you say, giving Noodles an extra spoonful of food. You know you left enough for him in his bowl and that he didn't suffer too badly. But still, his purring chirping is music to your ears. You pet over his back, his fluffy tail.

He's Still chubby, still good. You aren't too bad of a pet owner then.

There's the gun still there, sitting just to the left of Jimin's blood splatter on the seat of one of the dining room chairs. You're at eye level with it from where you crouch down to pet Noodle. It's the same one that you pulled out from under the bed when you found out he'd been shot. You should probably take it with you when you go back to the hospital, just to be sure.

"You got any secrets for me nu? Are you the long-lost prince of some cat kingdom?" Noodle chops down in response.

You go to the hallway closet to get a duffel bag, where the pack stores their larger bags and luggage.

"Hey!" Hobi calls from upstairs, muffled through the roar of the shower. There isn't much other noise in the house. The birds outside aren't chirping, probably because you haven't been home enough to fill their birdfeeder.

Probably.

"Yeah!?" You call back up, upending the duffel bag and sending a bit of loose change, some quarters and pennies scattering onto the floor. you stoop down to pick up a few of them, tossing them back into the closet with a metallic clang (to be dealt with later.)

“Can you grab Tae's phone charger? It should be by her computer.”

"Got it!" Tae's library room is much the same as it was when you left it, her computer is closed. The walls are green, the window dusty. You find it easily, the cord long and white, tangling in your hands.

You're not sure why your hair raises on the back of your neck.

Noodle stops his chomping.

The push of cold air startles you- the change of pressure in the house like a door being opened- the front door. The windows in the library room are leaky. You're used to being in here and feeling it, used to feeling that same draft every time one of your pack mates comes home.

You freeze where you stand.

The metallic jingle of the doorknob is so much softer than usual. You could almost convince yourself that you don't hear it, that you've made it up.

And then you hear it- Noodle's low hiss.

Call it a habit or a trained behavior but you still make your footsteps quiet everywhere you go. A thing learned from your years with Geumjae when you needed to be quiet to be safe and needed to make yourself as unobtrusive as possible to avoid pain. A vestigial survival instinct.

It serves you well now because no one in the house hears as you slide from Tae’s library through the pantry area, you don’t call out Tae’s name again, or Hobi’s. You don’t know exactly why you don’t.

Your house is an old house and you know every inch of it. You know this house that Yoongi’s built for you from the top of the eves to the shutters, from the windows up top to the ground floor and dusty half-finished basement. You know every creaky floorboard and which steps are the ones you skip when someone’s sleeping upstairs because it always sounds so high-pitched and it wakes Jimin up, light sleeper that he is.

You hear the subtle creek of the floorboards now, the small slide of heavy boots across the wide floorboards. A creak. Someone is about to ascend the stairs, up to where you can still hear Hobi and Tae talking softly. The shower off, they're probably just getting dressed.

Softly, you hear the sound of a heavy boot hitting something metallic, one of the pennies you dropped earlier and missed.

Jin might still be in the other room, that's what you tell yourself. You're just being paranoid. stupid paranoia you almost want to laugh. you're just jumpy from the last few days- that's all. Funny of you, to make it up.

The danger is all in your head.

Only it's not,

Because the first thing you see when you peek around the corner is the pitch-dark barrel of an extended gun.

~-~

Please Like, Comment, and Reblog <3 Every little bit of encouragement helps <3

Come tell me what you liked about this chapter!

Series Masterlist ~ Donate ~ Twitter

~-~

Notes:

There are some parts in this chapter, some facts about yoongi's family that haven't been touched on since the very begining chapters or jimin's secret chapters and i repeated them just so that people get a bit of a refresher but some of it feels a little monotonous to write! i hope it's not too hard to get through.

in an ideal world i would have given myself an additional week to edit this chapter, it's not the most edited and because of that i feel like it got repetitive or arduous in places.

i'm also realizing that this is like, 9th longest bts fanfic in existence. look it up on ao3 if you don't believe me. i think giving people a refresher of the begining is fair. In terms of the harry potter series (it really is a shame that no one knows who wrote it) we're just into the 6th book in terms of word count if you need that for context.

on that same vein. moonbyuls brief rant that is implied to be transphobic and sorta is- is not a reflection of my views she's just...you know...the villain?

this chapter also literally went from 8k to 14k during editing what the fuck. i stayed up till 2 am to get this done two nights in a row. i have this little nagging voice in my head that says its stupid to care about something like this but i can't help it- i love this story so much. even if this isn't the best chapter.

when the m/c has her freak out in the room where she almost passes out- that is called adrenal fatigue and it's soemthing that i struggle with as someone with ptsd. you know the feeling when you go on a rollercoaster when all of your adrenaline unloads it's self all at once? if i go through that my body goes a little haywire like- dizziness, exhaustion, dysregulation, memory fog, all of it. i still like rollercoasters though so as long i like rest and drink alot of water it doesn't affect me too much.

it's really important that you notice that no one says moonbyuls name during the moment when they're talking about their secrets between namjoon, jin, hobi, yoongi, and the m/c. i'm not telling you why just PAY ATTENTION.

Every time i think about the proverb "The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth." i think of the m/c and how thats her storyline with the family like- she really was like "either you love me or i'll kill all of you" and i think thats cute <3

In terms of why the last don and Beta killed Yoongi's parents- i think it's because yoongi's mother found out that she was pregnant with another beta and the don and beta didn't want to deal with such a divided power. They already had yoongi under their thumb and another possible successor would have over complicated things. Yoongi would have had a little sister, i don't know if he'll ever know thats why his parents where killed- he was between the ages of 16 and 18 when they died.

although this chapter was the least edited in terms of the most recent chapters- i will also say that there are two moments in this chapter- where i 'fuck up' and write things a certian way but heres the thing- they're not fuck ups and they're actually hints so! lets see if anyone notices!!

i'm gonna be honest with you guys the part where it goes "it stays there" left me fucking winded i can't even think about it too hard or else i get misty eyed.

i am catheterizing a lot of emotions writing this i am sorry it took so long to write, there is a reason why this update took a month and thats cuz yeah- my grandmother is dying. She's got cancer and She's 91 so they're not treating it. death is gonna be a /theme/ for me over the next couple of chapters, don't be surprised if I go off on a tangent or if it takes me a second between updates.

i wish i could write the m/c just a little dumber you know?

i wrote this series with the intent to write about people in realistic relationships- showing the moments they make mistakes, the moments they react too much or not enough, the way that trauma affects us all and how we handle it and love. it feels very full circle to have this chapter come out like- this is what bily is about you know? even though they'res alot of dialouge in it.

oh~ shits about to go down~

Mini-Playlist

Dominic fike- acai bowl (kinda hobi and the m/c's song for this chapter, they're going through it)

Hozier- Eat Your Young (Bekon's Choral Version) (this is literally bily's unoffical theme song at this point)

JID, Kenny Mason - Dance now (the beginning when moonbyul setting the industrial park on fire)

Frank sinatra- thats life (the song i picture playing at the end when tae and jimin are talking out their issues).

[runespoor7]

If WWX knocked up cis girl!JC, what do you think would happen if JC didn't abort/the baby was carried to full term? How would that change things?

Two thoughts. One, “that depends when.” Two, “oh, this is bad.”

cut for length

the start:

The version that’s most different from canon is this: what I mean by “this is bad” is that if JC gets pregnant before WWX breaks away from the sect and she keeps it, she tells him. And then they get married. WWX is super duper unwell! It shows! It’s constant whiplash between WWX being all over her + whispering promises to her belly and WWX seemingly barely standing to be in the same room as her, much less look at her or sleep in her bed. Not to mention he’s still doing exactly as little as before they got married and is if possible getting even drunker. 

And then shit goes down - and there’s absolutely no way JYL and JZX got married in this timeline, not with JC marrying WWX, so here shit 100% does not involve WWX being thought not to be part of YMJ anymore. The chances of WWX getting killed in a Jin ambush because he’s made himself an issue to them are pretty high. If that happens, no way YMJ gets away from WWX’s death without at least being painted as accomplices; at best they’d have to pay reparations. Depending on how JGS makes his move, maybe YMJ gets straight up cornered with demands that they give up the Seal/the Wens WWX might have broken out, and there’s a war. Basically it’s a very bad time all around.

The least-bad possibility is the most-like-canon-one, which is that WWX and JC hooked up miserably when WWX was in the Burial Mounds, after WWX had dumped JC– I mean after WWX left Lotus Pier.

JC learns she’s pregnant only around/after Zixuan’s death, maybe even after JYL’s death! Not a good time to tell WWX about it! Ideally she only realizes she’s pregnant after WWX’s death. Denial of pregnancy doing us a solid amidst the months of trauma and getting us to the end point of JC having a kid. This is the ideal time for JC to be pregnant with WWX’s child because the outer conflict is minimal. All the conflict is internal, it’s about her feelings. 

In this scenario, she hides the pregnancy for a few months, secludes herself for a few months more - maybe she has to use her grief for her sister’s death as an excuse. I think in this case Madam Jin probably comes over to Lotus Pier with baby Jin Ling, to take care of JC. I don’t think JC can successfully hide from Madam Jin that she’s pregnant, despite her disciples and her doctors doing their best. I also think it’s *pretty damn unavoidable* that Madam Jin guesses who the father is.

JC is proud, so proud; but she’s not proud enough not to beg when the truth would ruin her sect. There’s probably JL asleep in someone’s arms. Madam Jin agrees to keep the secret.

JC won’t marry but she also cannot be having a child on her own, so her child is introduced as an orphan taken in by the sect; probably the child of a disciple killed during the Siege. YunmengJiang ends up taking in roughly half a dozen children, from newborn to children almost old enough to start training as disciples, in the aftermath, their mothers insisting the fathers were disciples of the Jiang. It might even be true. It’s not such a light cost that the sect’s budget doesn’t need to be reworked to accommodate for these new expenses, but it’s such a good cover for JC’s child that she shoulders the rumors of her soft heart gladly.

A consequence of this choice: JGY is, in fact, very well-disposed toward JC, personally. JC still faces shades of rebuke and ridicule at the first conference after she starts taking in “disciple orphans”, but she bites out that she’s honoring her disciples’ debts and making certain her disciples will be honored by their children. That gets NMJ pretty firmly looking at her with new eyes. That *is* an honorable, brave decision from Sect Leader Jiang. So the Jiang Sect is less isolated shortly after WWX’s death than in canon. 

I don’t think this changes anything to NMJ’s death, and JGY himself is careful not to seem overly close to an unmarried woman for fear of any hint of scandal, but in the longer term YMJ probably enjoys more cordial bonds with GusuLan. (LXC too looks kindly upon taking in war orphans! and he does have a brother, at home, who brought one back…)*

*(you could seamlessly weave in timeskip zhancheng through the honored means of LWJ hating on JC for daring to parade around as though she was an honorable sect leader, when she turned her back on her shixiong, and the equally honored means of bonding over children. LXC would totally be up to meddling by organizing playdates between A-Yuan and the YMJ kids. LWJ would be scaldingly angry at him once he finds out, though, so it would be up to A-Yuan to ask to see JL and the others again. LWJ would insist on being there; JC would look at LWJ as though judging him for his anger. I’m not saying they’d have to fuck but they might. Even if they don't, bonding over being left with children by WWX’s death. No way LWJ would get to know whose kid JC’s heir apparent is, though.

But I don't think I want to bring in LWJ for this one.)

the timeskip:

What I want to do is focus on JC and how complicated the situation wrt the kids would be for her. And while I'm at it, I'm tired of playing hide the gender with the kid, so let's say she has a daughter, because mdzs “male by default” stance on the juniors was really annoying to me.

JC’s daughter is almost the same age as JC’s nephew, so it makes sense for JC to single that one child out; people think it’s so the Jins won’t hope for JL to also inherit the Jiang, or that it’s so JL will have a friend among the Jiang. She lets those rumors run, as well. For once, let gossip work for her.

It's complicated, for JC, handling her daughter, in a way handling JL isn't. Her daughter isn't quite hers in the eyes of the world (JC didn't adopt her so soon, afraid someone would work the truth out). And she’s not merely hers; she’s WWX’s.

JC isn’t really more okay with WWX’s legacy than in canon because WWX orphaned JL. She’s still sharp-tongued and sharp-tempered. 

here’s a handful of facts:

She tells JL to think of JC’s foster daughter as the sister his parents would have given him. 

JC's daughter hates WWX because she knows he killed her father at the Siege. That's as hard on JC as hearing her daughter cackle WWX’s childhood laughter.

Sometimes it's hard for JC to look at her daughter.

There are scenes of heart wrenching conflict between her kid and her. “You're not even my real mother!” gets yelled once at the apex of a horrible fight, JC's face changes, the kid bursts into tears and runs to her room. The scene is only settled with JC entering the kid’s room (her daughter is hugging herself as hard as if JC had taken puppies away) and telling her stories about her parents. The kid goes from hugging herself to clinging to JC and sobbing. (JC cries when she returns to her room.)

It's also hard because as her daughter grows up sometimes JC thinks her daughter wants to leave. That she'd rather be a rogue cultivator, not the heir to the Jiang. Too much of her father on her, perhaps.

All this to say that JC isn't a perfect foster mom to her child.

the kids are very close. nobody is scared of JC in this household. JC’s daughter giggled and squealed as a baby/toddler when she heard JC shouting at other people. (Mama being shouty was very funny to the baby.) 

JC formally adopts her daughter at some point between Rusong’s birth and JL getting his sword, I’m not sure when exactly. 

JC develops a longstanding grudge against JGY for giving JL Fairy, for the following reasons: 1)like in canon, she can’t be the one giving JL a dog. 2)her daughter wants a dog. so JC is cast in the position of refusing, and she does refuse, because - when her daughter shouts and laugh, when her daughter cackles after JC’s shouted from afar at both children to be careful in the water, it’s like WWX never quite left. She can’t close that door. She can’t pretend she thinks he’s never going to return. She can’t choose not to be haunted. 

In place of a dog, she gets her daughter a pony. 

(Her daughter is prompt to decide this is much cooler than a dog. Later JC will dourly regret gifting her adventurous child the means with which to gallop all over the place. The pony’s saving grace is that you can’t put a pony on a flying sword, at least.) 

The children bicker endlessly about the merits of their respective animals. JC’s daughter calls her pony Thunder Vengeance. Everybody but her calls her Thunder for short. (because she makes a lot of comparisons to Leigong and Dianmu and her mother, and she casts herself as the little boy driving Leigong’s cart.) 

Daughter’s name contains a reference to Yanli because JC was not done feeling guilty for not being able to hate WWX even after he caused JYL’s death.

changes after WWX’s resurrection:

When WWX gets resurrected in this timeline, both kids are on Phoenix Mountain. I’m not sure how exactly close to canon WWX’s meeting with JL (and JC’s daughter) is, I want to say very close - maybe JL says “my aunt” and WWX goes “your *aunt*?” and JC’s daughter stands as tall as she can and says “yeah, my *mother*” - anyway I want JC’s daughter here and identified as soon as possible. 

This changes two things:

WWX’s brain is running blank because what JC kid. JC had a kid. JC. a CHILD??? it cannot go uninvestigated.

JC does not shout about WWX when she arrives, because her child is there and that's her other parent. She’ll be angry at herself later for trying to preserve something that isn't, but it's incredibly important for her that her child doesn't fight her father. It would be awful and wrong. JC’s lie about her daughter’s dead father was always going to have consequences but it shouldn't have this one. JL was orphaned by WWX.

So JC is more controlled, and WWX isn’t immediately convinced that he's been recognized and needs to gtfo before his ex murders him, and he very badly wants/needs to know what's up with JC and her kid.

When JC claims “MXY” must be dragged back to YMJ, he goes very willingly. This is what he wanted! He's still a bit apprehensive, but he's too curious not to go.

He chats with the kids, mostly, on the way back. JC isn't very talkative. It's enough for him to get the piece of information that JC’s daughter is her adoptive daughter, and the heir to YMJ. (It's weirdly reassuring to hear for some reason. It's JC taking a decision for the sect but there’s not, like, an entire husband and family and moving-on, it's still JC. And at the same time, he feels unmoored. JC adopted a child? Just like that. YMJ’s heir is adopted. She and JL are bickering and talking over one another and calling each other brother and sister.)

In LP, JC sends the kids swiftly to bed (there are protests), and WWX is starting to remember that oh yeah he'll have to do some quick thinking probably, when JC reveals she knows who he is. He denies. She pulls out Zidian - did you really think you could fool her, WWX? How dare you! Why did you return now? What do you want?

(I think they fuck. Or, at least: he very much feels like going to her like he once did, his hand wants to cup her cheek, he wants to smooth away the furrow on her brow.)

“Is it so hard to believe I just wanted to see more about the children?”

JC’s lips twist.

She doesn't throw him out or in a torture dungeon. Might drag him to the altars and make him apologize.

Most likely, they get to cogitate about The Plot. 

The pattern of the story is public lies and secret truths, so that's how it happens here too. WWX stays incognito in LP, and they fall into bed - like when they were younger, they have to be discreet. The vibe here is very much they're having a affair and they have to hide it.

The affair vibe includes the plot-relevant investigation. There's a little less JC and WWX travelling together than LWJ and WWX in canon, but there’s WWX sneaking back into LP in order to keep JC aware of his latest findings (and to have a fight about WWX inviting WN into LP) and Sect Leader Jiang stopping back from a night-hunt at an inn to meet an informant (WWX). 

This features things like WWX walking off the road because he’s daydreaming about the intimacy of seeing JC before bed, with a damp lock of her hair sticking to her neck and snaking down between her tits, and the ancient xianxia equivalent of a negligee that might be a little see-through. 

Also featured: WWX rolling his shoulders trying to feel the bruises she left (she still scratches but MXY’s core is only good for getting rid of those, which seems the worst of both worlds to WWX! He liked feeling the scratches a couple days down the line!!!). WWX is down bad for milf JC. (Also features JC staring at the strewn papers that fell on the ground last night when she and WWX started making out before she could put them away. She’s determinedly Not Thinking about it, especially when her daughter is raising her eyebrows at her.)

I think JC’s tempted to tell him the truth about their daughter right after Yi City/the Yi City equivalent, but she can't break the habit of keeping it a secret. And she can't know for sure if WWX will–she can't just tell WWX on a whim just because some stuck-in-the-past part of her wants to tell him!

WWX-investigating-Jinlintai this time involves WWX wondering how to infiltrate Jinlintai, and running into JC in Jinlintai. JC has good access to Jinlintai, so if he pretends to be part of her retinue it’ll hold out for all of two minutes until people recognize MXY. JC is not delighted with the idea but she likes JGY pulling shady stuff which endangers JL even less. 

The investigation does not result in WWX being uncovered in front of the entire Jianghu (Qin Su doesn't kill herself), but possibly only because JC and WWX end up pulling the oldest undercover move in the book: making out against a door. Afterwards JC is pissed because that's her reputation. WWX is a little flippant when he says that he knows how important her reputation is to her, but– do you, WWX? JC retorts. Do you?? Do you think I would have the raising of my nephew if the cultivation world didn’t think me above personal desires, above feelings and manipulation?

So the truth about the kid comes out when they confront JGY (how does that happen, given that there’s no Guanyin Temple scene? not my problem! all I know is that JGY’s gotta be the one to say it. Amidst the sea of bullshit JGY spouts as he tries to distract them/drive a wedge between them, like in canon, the one true thing he chances on is that JC’s daughter is WWX’s and she never told him. (JGY isn't an idiot. He worked it out. There was no reason for him to do anything about it, but now there is!)

I think WWX makes a run for it. WN finds him basically brooding in the dark in the cave in Yiling, and (gently) pokes him in the direction of returning to LP. At least for an explanation. WWX should get one, WN says. WWX kind of laughs hysterically. What’s JC going to explain? How babies are made? WWX knows how, he was there for it, WN!

(for maximum drama, the kids were there when JGY pulled out that tidbit, so another reason JC isn’t here herself is also because she’s busy with that.)

I’m also thinking that given WN finding WWX and convincing him to return must have taken at least a few hours, WWX finds his daughter out of LP and on her way to look for WWX (on her pony; she didn’t want to be alone for this - and she didn’t want to take JL because JL really did have both his parents dead because of WWX), so he brings her back (and saves JC a heart attack).

They work it out.

[iubar12]

Are the writers going to do us like that??

Jin I Soo and Lee Ganghyun go from bickering like kids to comforting each other at their lowest. Ganghyun goes from telling him to go home to texting him to come to the station because they got a new case. Ganghyun takes Jin I Soo to her comfort place so that he can clear his mind after learning the truth about his mother's death. I Soo saying "You trust your father, and I trust you" to Lee Ganghyun when she was on probation and desperately wanted to prove that her father was innocent and that he was framed. Ganghyun scolding him because he put himself in danger and I soo trying not to repeat that. And most importantly what about the fact when they almost drowned together while trying to arrest Bori?? What are you gon say about Jin I soo cupping her face and telling her to believe in herself when she told him that she couldn't swim ??? Carrying her over the water the entire time she was unconscious while he was struggling to breathe and stay over the water himself. Are the writers really going to do us like that?? T_T

"LEE GANGHYUN WAKE UP"

P.S : Jin I Soo being jealous over Park Junyoung and Lee Ganghyun and then asking Junyoung if they shared any feelings or ever dated and then getting flustered on being asked if he liked Ganghyun was the cutest thing everrr.

[hualianlover4ever]

JWQS chapters memorable/ major scenes

(Presenting my speculative Timeline + key chapters in JWQS)

Ch 23 (Marriage) (Jingjia 8th Year) Ch 31 (Qi Yan first targets Chuntao, the soup incident) Ch 47 (Qi Yan's eyes have brightness for the first time since her kingdom was invaded 10 years ago) Ch 70 (Jingnu 15) first kiss (scary) Ch 96 -97 (Jingnu 15) proper memorable kiss after Jingnu's birthday (Jingjia 9th year 10th Month)

(Jingnu's birthday is in the month of October)

Ch 108 (Jingnu 16)(Experiences her 1st period) Ch 111 (Qi Yan is scary) (Jingjia 10th Year 10th Month) Ch 121 (Jingnu 17) (first break point) Ch 132 (Jingnu sends Qi Yan away while making her the Viceroy of Jin Province) Jingjia 11th year Ch 133 (3 years have passed) Ch 136 (Jingnu 20)(Meeting after 3 years separation) (Jingjia 14th year) Ch 139 (Qi Yan became the Minister of Personal) Ch 140 (family time) Ch 141 (Qi Yan age 24) Ch 144 -145 (trying to repair the first break point) Ch 147 (Qi Yan gets a mental shock) ("My sister is having a night of passion with the daughter of the enemy?!")(Jingjia 14th year 11th Month )(Qi Yan burns her own estate) Ch 151-152 (Jingjia 15th year 3rd Month) (Qi Yan recovers from the Fuma estate Fire incident) (The Capital exam begins with Qi Yan as the main examiner) Ch 157 (Nangong Rang asks Qi Yan about her opinion of a Female emperor) Ch 158 ( Act as you see fit) Ch 159 (Qi Yan feelings are growing) Ch 170 (Qi Yan age 25) (Liu An matters solved) Ch 171 (OMG Qi Yan fell in an incurable love with the daughter of her enemy) Ch 174 (Palace exam begins.. Nangong Rang hosted it ) (Jingjia 15th year 5th Month) Ch 176 (Qi Yan sets off to the north of Luo) Ch 181 (Wolves scene) Ch 183 (Qi Yan meets Bayin after many years) (Jingjia 15th year) Apparently Jinwushu was brought to the grass plains at the age of 4, after that Bayin started acting as his guardian Ch 186 (The pride of Qiyan Agula returns) Ch 193 (Qi Yan and Jingnu reunion after a good amount of separation) Ch 212 (Intimate scenes (last for Qi Yan as male)) (Just be reckless this once) Ch 218 (Nangong Rang dies )(Jingjia 16th year 2nd Month) ( Qi Yan is 27) Ch 228 (Jingnu ascends the throne at the age of 23) Ch 229 (Jingjia 16th year 5th Month , Reign changes to Chengji) Ch 242 (Truth gets revealed) Ch 243 (Qi Yan confesses her identity) Ch 244 (Jingnu faints from the shocking new lmao) Ch 247 (Jingnu 's first gradual acceptance..of Qi Yan being a women) Ch 258 (Divorce comes…"Qi Yan…don't cry…") Ch 259 (Prison arc torture. Qi Yan - Age-28) Ch 263 (Jingnu finds the wooden sculpt pigs) Ch 268 (Qi Yan leaves …Oh dear…) Ch 270 (No fear when Da-Jie is here!) Ch 271 (Their first time) (Jingnu -23) (Qi Yan age 27) (7th month) Ch 277 (Grand enthronement ) Ch 279 (Bathing intimate scene) (Jingnu -25) Ch 286 (Rebellion of North Luo) Ch 288 (Qi Yan's mind deterioration first proper symptoms. …oh boy..) Ch 290 (Qi Yan meets Baishi again) Ch 293 (Bayin learns the truth….No longer Andas) (Also Qian Tong, all hail our saviour) (Jingnu -26) Ch 296 (REUNION with a lingering kiss) Ch 297 (Say..which of us is the wife?)(The fluff is just AHHHHH) Ch 301 (Qi Yan (age -30) learns of her parent's death…) Ch 302 (Ding You returns..) Ch 303 (Qi Yan fake dies) Ch 305 (darkest chapter of Qi Yan's life )

Jingjia 8th Year 3rd Month Capital Exam begins Qi Yan obtained the first position 5th Month Qi Yan becomes the Flower Seeker 6th Month Nangong Rang arranges the two marriages She gets sick again… Meets Ding You ,the Imperial doctor 12th Month Marriage of Qi Yan and Jingnu

Jingjia 9th Year 2nd Month Jingnu wishes for Qi Yan to live to a ripe old age 4th Month Initiates a scheme of the great Fire of Imperial Mausoluem and the Weiyang palace

Jingjia 10th Year 10th Month Qi Yan kills the saviour of her younger sister(along side many other innocent folks)

Jingjia 11th Year Qi Yan is under house arrest The witchcraft incident occurs Nangong Shunu meets Qiyan Nomin for the first time

Jingjia 14th Year Qi Yan becomes the minister of Personal 11th Month Learns of her sister 's relationship. . .. Qi Yan burns the Fuma estate

Jingjia 15th Year In the first two months , Qi Yan was still recovering from the damage from the Great Fire of the Fuma Estate 3rd Month Qi Yan becomes the main examiner of Capital exam (She receives the secret decree of "Act as you see fit) (Liu An incident occurs) Qi Yan entrusts her sister in Nangong Shunu's hands 5th Month Palace exams begins Meanwhile Qi Yan departs to the North of Luo as the Imperial Ambassador

(Jingjia 16th year = Chengji 1st year) Jingjia 16th Year 1st Month Qi Yan returns to the capital Spends an approx of 22 days in prison Schemes a plan to assassinate the sixth prince 2nd Month Qi Yan reveals her identity killing Nangong Rang in the process 5th Month Jingnu officially acsends the throne Chengji 1st Year 7th Month(3rd month since Jingnu's enthronement) Qi Yan aids Jingnu with the Sifang bank revenue 9th Month Qi Yan tells Xiao Die to confess about her identity 10th Month Qi Yan goes against the masked person's orders Her identity gets exposed

Chengji 2nd year 2nd Month Qi Yan's malicious crimes get exposed Jingnu divorces her 4th Month Qi Yan returns to the palace Gets thrown into jail for treason 5th Month Qi Yan officially becomes Qiyan Agula She is sent back to the north of Luo 7th Month Agula becomes "missing" Qi Yan returns to the palace They have their first time

Chengji 3rd year 3rd month Jingnu 's grand enthronement 9th month Masked person schemes activated

(Qi Yan lived in the restricted part of the palace for over a year)

Chengji 4th Year 4th Month Qi Yan resumes the position of Imperial Husband 5th Month Qi Yan learns of her parents' death 10th Month Qi Yan's memories start to relapse

The reason why (I think) Qi Yan starts to be amnesiac 1) Her mental health was already degrading which had am impact on her critical thought process 2) The red pill which Ding You gives her to remove the poison (the water disease + her womanly features) but it had a side effect which gave her a state of amnesia

Chengji 5th year 2nd Month They meet each other for last time before Qi Yan's death She paints a portrait of Jingnu (age -27) 3rd Month Qi Yan takes the death faking drugs

Chengji 6th year Jingnu crowns Shangyuan Fu as the Crown Prince Ding You successfully treats water disease

Qi Yan however has no past memories of past..

Chengji 7th year Jingnu takes care of Qi Yan's business Goes and digs Qi Yan 's grave too To find its empty

Chengji 8th year Jingnu started to travel in disguise(in search for Qi Yan in this vast world) Meanwhile Ding You suggests Qi Yan to go teach in a private school

Chengji 10th year Jingnu (Age -32) retires from the throne

1 year later of retirement They meet again with Qi Yan meeting her for the "first" time after Jingnu's 4 years of searching There is some hope as Qi Yan hugged Jingnu back Qi Yan (37) Jingnu (33)

My speculation (added with author's info) Within the next year Jingnu moved here, bought the school where Qi Yan was teaching Qi Yan moves in Jingnu 's estate

and they get married again! and this time its a love marriage! They drink the ceremonial wine which they didn't 20 years ago

Happily Ever After

[symphonyofsilence]

does Jin Guangyao play a villainous role in Wei WuXian’s story? yes. but is he also the Narrative’s special boy? also, yes.

I don’t remember the post, but the fact that Wei Wuxian, and by extinction, the narrative sympathizes with Jin Guangyao has already been brought up. He draws a comparison between himself and JGY when the crowd suddenly turns against JGY in Lotus Pier and wants WWX to deal with him, and again when the other Sect Leaders led by Sect leader Yao assume that the Guanyin statue is made to resemble JGY himself ‘cause he’s a narcissist, and when people are saying nasty things about JGY in a tavern after his death.

but another way in which the narrative sympathizes with JGY is that every time JGY is shown doing a shitty thing, it’s immediately followed by him being shown in a situation in which he is a victim, or has done something good.

he paralyzes Qin Su after she finds out some horrible truths about him and hides her in the creepy room where WWX finds JGY’s sworn brother’s head? A chapter or an episode after that we see him being trash-talked and cast out by other Nie soldiers when they’re drinking the water he brought, while he’s doing thrice the work they’re doing. we see him cleaning the battlefields and helping the commoners after battles, we see him voluntarily do the work of the servants as a deputy general when they lack staff, and pour people tea, while they rudely clean their cups when they take it from his hands (which NMJ does nothing about), we see him loyally arguing with LXC that he can't leave NMJ for his father’s sect after all NMJ has done for him, and learn that he has saved LXC. CQL shows him in his Meng Yao Era more. We see him repeatedly receive scorn when all he gives others is curtsey and smiles, we see beforehand the Nie Captain be an absolute bitch to him so I'm sure nobody in the audience regretted his loss, but even then we immediately get that jumping in front of NMJ and taking a stab to the chest to save him, and the teary banishment scene that cancels the "guy is now officially a scheming murderer" out.

He's being a bitch to NMJ in the Nightless City? He kills Wen Ruohan & turns out that he has been bravely spying for the Sunshot campaign all this time and they owe him their victory. But even then, he apologizes to NMJ, kneels down, and surrenders himself.

He's protecting Xue Yang? You have him explaining to NMJ why he can't go against his father's wishes, and how he's scared of everything and everyone because he was never given the luxury of safety, status & power, so he can practice that power freely. In the end, NMJ offends his mother and kicks him down the stairs (which he's well aware is a trauma for JGY). Which honor-bound ancient man wouldn't have killed the man who disrespected his mother and kicked him down the stairs? What would have NMJ done had this been done to him? But even then, in the book, the narrative does even more to make JGY sympathetic, LXC comes to NMJ to calm him down, and he says that JGY's in a difficult situation right now. His stepmother beats him & his father doesn't listen to anything he says anymore. Otherwise, he wouldn't have talked back to NMJ. & after that, NMJ's qi deviation happens when he drops eaves on this conversation between LXC & JGY:

I mean if you've tried to murder him thrice, shoved him down the stairs, & called him a whoreson, taken any opportunity to scold him, & you don't like it when he talks back to you, at least let him talk behind your back. He's not even lying or being disrespectful or anything.

He retaliates against WWX & LWJ’s attack by showing WWX as a villain and the way he has killed NMJ comes to light? a few chapters later WWX is surprised that JGY hasn’t visited LXC to demand a search but to tell him that he has prevented everyone from searching the CR and thinks it’s best if LXC, whenever it’s convenient for him opens the doors of the CR so JGY can get this search over with and shut the other sects up. And reassures him that he won’t let LWJ’s reputation be tarnished in any way. (At the stairs of Jinlintai, JGY knew fully well that LWJ was doing what he was doing because he was in love with WWX, as we learn at the Guanyin temple, but he loudly suggested that LWJ is being deceived in front of the crowd to save LXC's brother reputation.) The Donghua even has a wartime flashback from a young Meng Yao saving LXC, feeding him, hiding him, washing his clothes, getting beaten up by the Wen soldiers to keep LXC safe, and even then bringing back food for him with a smile.

He takes everyone hostage, twice (his hostages are children the first time) and is at the peak of his villain moment? You have the whole Guanyin temple thing happening. (which, personally for me, was what really elevated him from an interesting character to my poor little mew mew in my eyes.)

When JGY kneels down, WWX feels uncomfortable. He feels embarrassed on his behalf:

the same effect of inducing pity & sympathy for him is achieved in the show by somber music swelling in this scene, reaction shots, slow-mo, and a wide-shot of everyone in the temple as JGY kneels down to make him look especially small, while almost 2/3 of the shot is of the candles of the Guyanin temple. in the exposition scene when LXC kneels down to hear JGY out, the statue of Guanyin is between them. THE LOCATION OF ALL OF JGY TRAGIC EXPOSITIONS IS A GYANYIN TEMPLE! The temple of the bodhisattva of mercy who is considered to be the physical embodiment of compassion!

And the sympathetic reaction shots when he talks about JGS continue throughout the scene.

then we learn that he had to marry Qin Su because she was already pregnant and he didn’t want QS & JRS to have his and his mother’s fate and that the reason they had to rush things through like this and conceive a child was that JGS might have further caused problems for their marriage because he really disliked his son. and that if a political fall-out happened between Jin & the Qin clan, JGY would get the burn of it. (still a shitty act, but you can’t help but understand where he’s coming from & pity him), he goes on about his father kicking him down the stairs of Jinlintai on his birthday while celebrating JZX’s birthday, we learn about his childhood in the brothel, about JGS saying that he could save Meng Shi but he didn’t ‘cause she would be too much trouble, and that their son wasn’t worth mentioning, we see JGY & SMS deep connection, the show gives us some very good Xiao Shushu & A-Ling moments, & even though it’s been always clear & is especially clear during the whole Guanyin temple scene, we see truly see the depth of love, respect, and loyalty JGY has toward LXC. 

We see him in the Villainous Friends chapter telling Xue Yang that he can vandalize people's shops and restaurants for no reason, only under the condition that he doesn't wear the Jin uniform. But it's immediately followed by the mention of the bruise on his head given to him by his stepmother because she can't vent her anger on her cheating husband, who JGY has to retrieve from brothels every night to ensure his safe stay in Jinlintai for another day. We see him massacre the He sect, and right after that, he goes to retrieve his father from the brothel and hears those awful things and you can't help but sympathize with him.

Because what is really important is that you understand Jin Guangyao. There are about 14 chapters in the book and 4 episodes in the show of JGY explaining himself while crying on the floor because it's less about "Jiggy eVIL" & more about look what the society who turned his back on him & his mother when they needed their help, and sneered at them when they tried to improve their situation, and never forgave JGY for being born has done to this man to make him do such horrendous deeds. (And his sword's name is Hensheng. Meaning "hate to be born". They made him never forgive himself for being born either.)

So by saying that X & Y has happened to JGY, and so what he does is for self-preservation, nobody's JUSTIFYING his genocides, & nobody's denying that JGY had a choice in everything he did. Even if his other option was to accept his place, sit down, shut up, and suffer in silence, NOT murdering a whole sect that includes children by doing experiments on them is the better option. The point is that it's not the point. JGY's atrocities are only means in the story to tell the cautionary tale of a classist, cruel society. The things that JGY has gone through cannot be erased from the conversations because "JGY EvIl. Periodt." The Narrative doesn't want the reader to do that! It's specifically structured to put the reason JGY's got to this point on the forefront every time he does a crime. The fight with NMJ's fierce corpse ends as quickly as it begins. The Climax of the story is mostly JGY's monologues. 14 chapters of monologues cannot be dismissed as JGY gaslighting LXC & shedding crocodile tears.

in a story that has Wei WuXian as a protagonist, and literally starts with the monster the society has made of him through rumors and has this theme going on through the rest of the story, especially with JC, and baseless accusations are the first thing that happens when JGY's secrets are out in the Lotus Pier, and then ends with society making a monster out of JGY after his death through rumors when Sect Leader Yao speculates that the statue's face is modeled after JGY himself (which WWX especially comments on), and in the tavern when people made such crude remarks that even those who were participating in the conversation felt uncomfortable, I think it's clear what and who the real villain is.

MXTX could have written people talking about literally any real atrocity that JGY has done, but instead, they talk about what he hasn’t done and read the worst out of his every action in life.

And actually, with everything that JGY has been through, he’s not even the worst case that could come out of his situation. He did have good intentions. For all his genocides, unlike Xue Yang, he didn't actually want to see the world burn. He did help the innocent common folk. He helped them during the sunshot campaign, and with the watchtowers, he fought against systematic corruption, and he treated everyone with respect. He rescued LXC and QS. We don’t know how many others he has personally saved. It's that the means he had to use to have the power to help the poor was incredibly dirty because he was playing an unfair game that was especially designed against him. (I'm not saying helping the poor was his only objective when he tried to gain his father's approval and a secure place in Jinlintai for himself. Though it's sad that he had to fight for these things at all.) The best he could honorably do was be NMJ's deputy general, which didn't save him from being bullied and people cleaning the cups they took from his hands. He knew that if he tried to help the innocent without having the political power to do that, he would end up like WWX. But what he didn’t know was that he would end up like that if he, unlike WWX, played by the rules of the game and compromised his morals anyway. There was no winning for people like them.

Dismissing the good that JGY has done, the real desire he had for helping the poor, and what he’s been through cheapens the character, cheapening JGY’s character to a one-dimensional Marvel villain, and dismissing the commentary that he represents on society as a whole is a disservice to the story. And that’s a crime cause the story is great. 

his fall from grace, the heinous acts he had to commit to find himself the slightest bits of safety, security, and respect wouldn’t be that much of a tragedy if he didn’t want to be good and do good for people.

Then there is JGY's death and the framing of it. Here is a wonderful analysis by @sapphicdalliances of why his death wasn't justice and that was the point, how he died because of an act he didn't commit, and here are great analysis by @thatswhatsushesaid & @crithir about how his death is described as a gut-wrenching horrible scene framed through his horrified nephew & ward's eyes, both in the book and in the show, how it didn't bring the Nie brothers any closure either, and how through the lenses of LXC and JL, and by JC’s & WWX’s reaction we see his death as a tragedy.

His death is because of a dishonorable trick. His last act in life, pushing LXC away is an act of love and of forgiveness. In the CQL before that, he pushes Jin Ling out of danger, too.

As said in the aforementioned posts, after it, we don't see a victorious Nie Huaisang or Wei WuXian. In fact, neither of them is victorious.

WWX, and by extension, the narrative blames NHS for his scheming & risking innocent lives. WWX is especially appalled by NHS' treatment of Meng Shi's body. He points out that JGY, being a big liar with a considerable criminal record, will be forever accused of lying, no matter what. While he immediately after brings JGY's last genuine act toward LXC as proof that JGY couldn't have been lying.

In the CQL, he straight-up calls NHS the devil with the coldest tone he's ever had towards NHS.

NHS for his part doesn't seem victorious either.

Dare I say he even looks like despite years of scheming he was not ready for it when JGY pushes Shuoyue deeper inside his own chest. (Who would he be acting for at that moment? Nobody's looking at him. And he’s sweating!)

And I think there's a "no, he didn't" in his last "I don't know." To LXC (at least in the show) when he's insistently asked whether JGY was going to attack LXC or not and he insistently answers "I don't know". It's a confirmation without confirmation.

And then in, IMHO, one of the most beautiful and nuanced scenes, NHS finds A-Yao's hat, in the book, he bends down, picks it up, and quietly goes away (and that's the last we see of Nie Huaisang), in the show he wipes off the dust on it, and his hand finally gets bloodied, literally & metaphorically despite trying his best to not do his dirty work himself. And we get a flashback of A-Yao's childhood that I always assumed we're seeing through NHS because maybe JGY had told him that story. Not only does the order of the scene, combined with NHS' deep in thought look seem like it but also NHS cleans JGY's hat when in that memory A-Yao's mom tells him that he needs to take good care of his hat.

And that scene is especially beautiful because the show went out of its way to show their close relationship pre-time skip. And we see NHS keep A-Yao's principal by cleaning his hat when JGY himself is too dead to do that. Even when the reason for his death is NHS himself. And by NHS getting his hands bloodied while cleaning the hat, and staring at it with a deep, nuanced look, that combination of care & hatred is shown in that scene.

I think he feels empty. He's spent years after years planning this thing. It was his only drive. Now it's over. And it wasn't a grand, victorious moment. It just...happened. and it was something that needed to happen, in his eyes.

And he did love his san-ge for a long, long time before the betrayal came to light for him. And then he hated him for a long, long time. But at that moment with JGY's bloodied hat in his hand? I think that's the moment when love and hatred have both run their passionate course and they've finally reached each other in the middle and collided and ran out of strength and intensity and separate, clear meaning and they just take their exhausted leave together, leaving only a trace behind.

And most prominently we see a devastated LXC and JL. We see Jin Ling's flashback of when his Xiao Shushu gave him his spiritual puppy. We see him being the only one who could cheer JL up when he was down for days.

We see JL choosing to keep loving him despite everything.

His loss is felt and the memory of his good deeds keeps coming back in JL's narrative:

The Narrative doesn't just sympathize with him. The Narrative mourns him.

[yonkimint]

Without You [Yoongi x Reader, Hobi x Reader]

25. Betrayal ✎

Jin rushes to the driver’s side of Yoongi’s car, sliding between his group mate and the metal death trap he’s about to climb into. Meeting the rapper’s glare, Jin flashes his brilliant, self-effacing smile and says, “Maybe you should let me drive.”

He holds out his hand expectantly for the keys, holding the smile until Yoongi relents. He all but slams the keys into Jin’s hands before stalking around to the passenger side and clambering inside. Jin arches his neck back, stealing a calming breath while he stares up at the glowing moon, and then slides into the driver’s seat.

“Do we actually need to go to the studio?” he asks, starting the ignition.

Yoongi lets out a scream instead of answering.

Jin nods, as if this is exactly the answer he was expecting, and backs out of his in-laws' driveway. He might as well head back to Seoul but he figures they’ll probably end up at Yoongi’s apartment rather than the studio. He still hasn’t totally pieced together what set Yoongi off but he knows it has to do with Jay provoking him about y/n.

The silence stretches between them as they get on the road but still Jin doesn’t push. He’s learned that it’s best to let Yoongi stew on things and then speak when he’s ready. He knows it’s hard for Yoongi to put his feelings into words but he finds a way eventually.

After what feels like an eternity, Yoongi sighs and drops his head into his hands. Jin keeps his hand steady on the wheel but takes a moment to look Yoongi over. His shoulders are shaking and barely audible over the whir of the air conditioning he sniffles.

Jin returns his attention to the road but reaches across the center console to pat his friend’s shoulder.

“Did you know?” Yoongi hiccups.

“Did I know what?” Jin counters.

“I know you knew about Seojun. There’s no way y/n kept her child from Irene and there’s no way Irene would keep that a secret from you but did you know he was mine?” Yoongi asks. He’s pulled his face out of his hands now and is staring pointedly at his hyung.

Jin swallows hard. So that’s what this is all about. He’s honestly more impressed that Yoongi didn’t have a more dramatic reaction. y/n and Jay survived and that’s surprising considering how scathing Yoongi can be when he wants to be. That’ll probably come after Yoongi has come down from his shock.

He nods, “I knew.”

“Hyung!” Yoongi moans, falling back in his seat, “How could you keep that a secret from me?”

“It wasn’t my secret to tell you,” Jin says. It’s a flimsy argument considering that Yoongi really did deserve to know. Everyone had had misgivings about y/n’s decision, of course, but they had respected her wishes at Yoongi’s expense.

“Why does everyone keep betraying me?” Yoongi sniffs, “You’re supposed to be my best friend, Seokjin.”

His words wound Jin. He’s right though. For Yoongi, the people that he has loved and trusted the most have all left him without hearing him out. They’ve ignored him or lied to him and now Jin is included in that list of people. He wants to be angry at y/n for making him complicit but he knows there was no clear right choice.

“I know, Yoongi, I’m sorry,” he says, “How did you find out?”

Yoongi scoffs, the sound so bitter, so pained, that Jin worries for y/n when he eventually lets it out on her. “Jay told me.”

This surprises Jin. Jay had been firmly in y/n’s corner this whole time. She might kill him for it.

“And you know, that’s understandable. It’s so obvious that he’s in love with her so it makes sense he’d try to drive a wedge between us but when I realized he was telling the truth? I feel sick, hyung,” Yoongi confesses.

“I’m surprised you didn’t rage at both of them right then,” Jin says.

Yoongi shakes his head, “In front of her parents? In front of…” — his next words come out strangled — “the baby? I wasn’t going to humiliate myself like that.”

“I guess that’s a good call. You are reacting way better than I would have if I found out the love of my life hid a child from me,” Jin says.

“Love of my life,” Yoongi scoffs again, “What a joke.”

Jin grimaces. He has no right to be disappointed about Yoongi reacting this way but a part of him had held out hope that Yoongi and y/n would find their way back to each other eventually. Even now, he still hopes they’ll find a way to heal but there’s bound to be a lot of pain first. And with Jay back in the picture, it might be too much all at once for Yoongi to move past.

“I guess a secret child does put a damper on things,” Jin tries to say lightheartedly.

Yoongi’s tone is dark, “Do you think she ever loved me?”

“She loves you right now,” Jin says but Yoongi shakes his head.

“If that were true, I would have known that I was a father two years ago.”

“Yoongi, it’s more complicated than that. Take some time to wrap your mind around things but I think you should talk things out with y/n before you go jumping to conclusions,” Jin says.

Another silence falls over them. Jin can only imagine where Yoongi’s thoughts have taken him. He has to consider the fact that he has a son now. y/n lied to him but he has to reconcile that with the fact that he absolutely still loves her. Jay is back in his life, another person that he has loved for a long time, another person that left him behind and hurt him.

He needs time and Jin will stay by him as long as he needs him.

They pull into the parking garage for Yoongi’s apartment and even though Jin is the one behind the wheel, the parking attendant knows to open the gate. All the members have open invitations to park at each other’s places. He slides into one of Yoongi’s open spots and turns off the car.

“Am I the only one who didn’t know? You know, that Seojun is my son? Did the rest of BTS know?”

“Jimin was the first to know,” Jin says, “And I only got to know because Irene knew. And Jay knew because, well, because he lived in LA and they reconnected.”

“And that’s it?” Yoongi asks.

Jin bites his lip, “Well, no. Jungkook knew too because of Jimin.”

“But not Namjoon and Tae?”

Jin shrugs, “Not until a few days ago.”

Yoongi’s shoulders slump, “But I was the last one to find out?”

Jin nods apologetically. Yoongi just sighs and pushes the passenger door open, “So everyone took y/n’s side. I guess I should be grateful to Hobi. At least he kept it real with me in the end.”

“Yoongi, that’s not fair!” Jin calls as Yoongi steps out of the car.

The rapper stoops back down to peer into the car, “You can take my car for the night. Go back home to Irene. I just need to be alone tonight, I think.”

Jin is not about to let Yoongi be alone though and he chases after him to his apartment. Yoongi doesn’t really protest. He lets Jin camp out on his couch while he stumbles around the apartment in a daze, fixated on all the spaces y/n used to take up, lost in all the memories when he should have told her how he really felt.

He imagines all the signs of her that would be here if she had stayed. A lump rises in his throat when he realizes that there would also be signs of their son too. His spare room would be a nursery now. Toys would be scattered across the place. A high chair at the dining room table. Bottles and baby clothes.

That must be what her apartment with Hobi looks like now.

A sob escapes him and Jin is instantly at his side, wrapping strong arms around him and pulling him close. “I’m so sorry, Yoongi.”

Yoongi just sobs. He’s supposed to have y/n. He’s supposed to have Seojun. But his apartment is empty, barely even a space for him to inhabit. There’s only a huge hole now where his life was supposed to be.

PREVIOUS - MASTERLIST - NEXT

Permanent Taglist: @pb-n-juju @jikooksgirl19 @sopebubbles @halesandy @unadulteratedlyunique @bangtantruffle @danny-boy27 @esteemedsalt @bri-mal @pineapple-hoseok @lilacdreams-00 @jooniesbanoonies @babycoffeefire @jyp1204 @sunflowerbebe07 @fairy-jaykay @brit97 @goldenhoney-cas @hey-itsmina @letmebreathepls​ @magicalmarauder @bubblytaetae @imaginativedreams​ @daydreambrliever​ @90s-belladonna​ @naajix​ @kpopsimpstruggles​ @steffiiirose @manchuria​ @dragoncharmwitch @shadyfox242​ @jaiuneamesolitaiire​ @mint--yoongs​ @twixxxpie​ @curedblues​ @borahae-reads​ @preciouschimine @thoughtfulcollectormaker​ @pamzn​ @cherrybubblesandvodka​ @iwillwaitforyouinthedark @crish-mac​ @proflyndo @quentinmetsys @rjsmochii​ @minclangyyy​ @kthvbear​ @hobiicores​ @wholys-corner​ @phenomenalgirl9​ @hwayne2294​ @astronaut-jin-moon @black-rose-29​ @broken-glowsticks​ @a-gayish-unicorn​ @sumzysworld @lilmochiandsuga​

Series Taglist: @kookieejar @diabolicalacid​ @kissme-ornot​ @imnotlauriane​ @devilsmatches​ @xjiminsthighsx​ @anjoellamorte​ @passionate-hedgehog​ @taetaecatboy​ @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d​ @cursedcursives​ @shesaysweirdthings​ @tarahardcore​ @wondersky​ @notbotheredtho​ @tazzi-baby​ @therapysides​ @lyndseygoregasmxo​ @damn-u-min-yoongi​ @sad-hoe-hours​ @kleirielk @mindairy​ @bts-be-infiring​ @ifyouwouldseemysoul​ @xxxanimangxxx​​ @borahaexoxo​ @bbymatz​ @apolloxxivmin​

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: illuminate the world

Relationship: Jiāng Yànlí/Jīn Zǐxuān

Characters: Jīn Zǐxuān, Jiang Yanli, Lan Yuan | Lan Sizhui, Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín, Jiang Cheng | Jiang Wanyin, Wēn Qíng, Lan Huan | Lan Xichen, Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue

Additional Tags: Introspection, Jīn Zǐxuān Tries, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn Protection Squad, Ethics, Mentioned Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Mentioned Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Life Debt, Repaying Debt, Mentioned Mèng Yáo | Jīn Guāngyáo, Cultivation Sect Politics, Honor, POV Jīn Zǐxuān, POV Third Person, Podfic Welcome

Summary: After the events of chapter 24, Jin Zixuan must consider the request to swear siblinghood and the entire situation, including the actions of his own clan.

Notes: See end

First fic: the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break

Second fic: Honor Good People

AO3 link

———————

Jin Zixuan wasn’t unaware that he was kept in the dark about certain things; too many conversations had stuttered to a halt when he entered rooms for him to be ignorant of that reality. He’d always told himself he didn’t want to know what his father was up to, having learned unpleasantly at a young age about his father’s more salacious inclinations.

But standing in the Burial Mounds between his wife and the sentient fierce corpse of a man who had died by his clan’s hands, watching a toddler melt down in abject terror at the sight of his zhushazhi, screaming for Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji—calling them Diedie and Baba, with implications he wasn’t able to immediately comprehend—he couldn’t ignore the signs he’d been seeing in the months since the war.

He could only let A-Li wipe the mark of his clan away, hoping in vain that it would calm the child, and then let himself be ushered away by his xiao jiuzi as the man who was his jiuzi tried to comfort the boy, only to be greeted by the sight of civilians and the elderly in a clearing with some ramshackle huts.

Koi Tower had always been a place where one had to watch their step, and he’d spent a lot of his childhood learning not to show his emotions or trust anyone through bad experiences, but he hadn’t thought it could sink to the level of throwing children, civilians, and the elderly into labor camps for no crime but their family name.

He wished the corruption of his clan stopped there, but he met a woman who showed him a peony branded on her body as Mianmian would have had a sun burned into her face if not for Wei Wuxian, and heard tales that turn his stomach about the callous treatment and deaths of all children but the little boy who was rightly terrified of him—a little boy who was apparently his zhizi through A-Li, the adopted son of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji who as it turned out were married.

If that were all, it would have been easier to handle, but then Jiang Wanyin told him exactly how far Wei Wuxian would go for family, that he’d found a way to give him his own jindan after his was melted by Wen Zhuliu… and had not intended to tell him, instead resigned to suffering silently and becoming the enemy of the jianghu repaying Wen—Wei, rather, now Wei—Qing and Wei Ning for sheltering them and performing the surgery by saving their family. Or he would have, had Lan Wangji not discovered the truth and decided he would not stand for it, instead confessing they’d somehow been married since they were fifteen, which confusingly he hadn’t told Wei Wuxian until he determined it could be used to protect him and…

“They’re disgustingly in love,” Jiang Wanyin muttered, shaking his head, “and I guess it didn’t even occur to my idiot brother that was why he was obsessed with Lan Wangji.”

“They are also not quiet about it at all, so now there are silencing talismans engraved on the cave wall that get activated every evening,” Wei Qing added.

She had rejoined them in time to explain the core transfer after finishing a session of musical healing cultivation on Wei Wuxian, something she and Lan Wangji had invented.

And that was significantly more than Jin Zixuan wanted to know, ever, about his jiuzi—thinking about his surgically-removed jindan was hard enough, and Wei Qing had blessedly not gone into much detail but his imagination was enough—but he didn’t dare protest under the circumstances.

“I would prefer not to know certain things about my brother,” Lan Xichen said, blessedly, and the discussion moved on.

So Wei Wuxian’s act of liberating the labor camp and all that had followed was due to a life debt for rescuing Jiang Wanyin—Jin Zixuan had to reconsider his view of Wei Ning as timid given that he’d drugged Wen Chao and his men to do so—sheltering them following the razing of Lotus Pier, and performing the transplant surgery. Which, according to Jiang Wanyin, was at least in part because he felt he owed a debt to the Jiangs, which turned his stomach because he could see A-Yao feeling he had to do whatever their father wanted out of a perception of owing the Jin for finally recognizing him. Wei Wuxian had felt he owed his very jindan, though Jin Zixuan was certain from seeing him defend his siblings it was also a measure of the depth of his love for them.

Wei Ning’s actions, arguably treason, had been prompted by Wei Wuxian simply being kind to him, which was amazing in and of itself and made clear his values.

Jiang Wanyin and A-Li, upon learning of this debt, had decided to also shoulder the burden with him, as had Lan Wangji in marrying him.

Nie Huaisang believed he should also shoulder some of the burden because of his own life debt—Wei Ning had helped him escape from the Wen indoctrination after the rest of them had been left for dead at Muxi Mountain. Otherwise he would have been a valuable prisoner to keep Chifeng-Zun out of the war effort.

The argument, which was somewhat tenuous if only because it required he agree, was that he too owed a life debt through A-Li because she had been sheltered along with her brothers, and thus the eight of them should swear siblinghood. Jin Zixuan saw no need to disagree, as without them his wife may not have survived, and that was enough for him.

“A-Li’s debt is my debt,” he said as soon as Jiang Wanyin paused to take a breath.

Given that this likely went against his father’s wishes, his decision could be unfilial, but life debts transcended that in his eyes.

The bright hope that his words sparked in those gathered around him, A-Li’s like the sun, only confirmed he’d made the right decision. Even Zewu-Jun and Chifeng-Zun.

Jin Zixuan abruptly realized why—Fuqin couldn’t move openly against Wei Wuxian if he was his heir’s sworn brother, and so he and these refugees would gain more protection.

He didn’t regret the decision. Perhaps it was the fact that he had grown up seeing and trying to ignore the rot at Jinlin Tai and couldn’t deny that he could absolutely believe that it had sunk so low as to do the things that had been done at that labor camp, could believe his own cousin Jin Zixun would sell women from the camp to brothels, and could still see little Wei Yuan wailing in abject terror at the sight of his zhushazhi every time he closed his eyes that made it easier to dismiss any doubts he might have.

Wei Wuxian was a war hero whose ill treatment since the war was distasteful, and it disgusted him that his clan was violating its own motto through vilifying him—darkening rather than illuminating the world. Jin Zixuan had stood in battle with him during the Sunshot Campaign and now knew more of the price he had paid to help them win it. Further, he had done his utmost to protect A-Li from him when he was an absolute boor.

Becoming his sworn brother would be an honor and the right thing to do.

More importantly A-Li loved her brother and wanted to protect him, wanted him home so he could heal.

That was enough for him.

———————

Nie Huaisang’s already started on the propaganda, as you can see, pushing his tale of Wen Ning letting him escape. I’m not sure Nie Mingjue completely believes him, but under the circumstances he’s not going to question it. But are there hints of the Headshaker in his rewriting the narrative to suit his needs?

The Jin clan motto is “opening the doors toward wisdom and aspiration; illuminating the world with the vermilion light,” which is referred to in the title.

Glossary:

baba = dad (informal)

diedie = dad (informal)

fuqin = father (formal)

jindan = golden core

jiuzi - wife’s younger brother

xiao jiuzi - wife’s youngest brother

zhizi - younger brother’s son, can apparently also refer to wife’s younger brother’s son?

zhushazhi - zhusha is cinnabar, and with zhi it becomes cinnabar mole

[dontmind-thismess]

Mo Dao Zu Shi/The Untamed fanfic recommendations, pt. 2

Jiang Wanyin Fix His: Mistake by Rika (@/HarukiUsagi46)

Summary: After the death of his father, mother, sister, Jin Zixuan and Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng felt like there is no one left that in his family beside Jin Ling who is sleeping next to him since there is no one in Jinlintai that can look after him like he can. "Wei Wuxian, why? Why? Why? Why did you leave me behind like everyone else did? Tell me why?" "Please anyone....anyone at all.....I want to fix this....I want to fix all of this....I want to fix my mistake...." Jiang Cheng doesn't know that his wish is about to be granted. Let see what happen okay?

Tags: fixmistake, jiangcheng, jiangwanyin, lanwangji, lanzhan, mdzs, qingcheng, theuntamed, timetravel, wangxian, weiwuxian, weiying, wenning, wenqing

Status: 30 parts, complete

Searching for Perfection by AitchNKay (@/AitchNKay)

Summary: Lotus Pier is gone. Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng are hiding in the Yiling supervisory office and Wei WuXian finds a way to give his brother his core. That's how the story went once upon a time. So what happens if Wen Qing says no. Wen Qing glared at this idiot and gave in. "Fine. I'll do the surgery. But you need to tell him first." Wei WuXian was so excited he practically danced into Jiang WanYin's sick room. She followed slowly, but Wei WuXian's voice was loud enough for her to hear the entire tale. She crossed her arms and glared some more at the liar and his ShiDi who was getting all excited himself at the prospect of BaoShan SanRen giving him a new Core. When the story ended, Wen Qing smiled, sharp as a knife. "Now tell him where his new Core is going to come from." Jiang WanYin looked completely confused. It would have been adorable on a five year old; it looked too out of place on a seventeen year old. "What do you mean?" "I mean, tell him where his brand new Core is going to come from. It's not like 'BaoShan SanRen' can create a Core for you. You should have learned enough Core Theory to know that. Logically, then, your Core has to come from another person. Wei WuXian, you should also explain exactly who will be playing the part of your mother's grandmaster." You promised!" Wei WuXian turned an accusing glare at the doctor. "You promised you wouldn't tell him!" "And I'm not." Wen Qing held up three fingers in an imitation of this irritating idiot. "I have no intention of telling Jiang WanYin the truth of who he is going to get his Core from nor the truth of who is going to implant it." She smiled again, cuttingly. "You are." And with that, she swept from the sick room, her job done for now.

Tags: bl, boyslove, chinesebl, cql, grandmasterofdemoniccultivation, lanwangji, lanzhan, mdzs, modaozushi, mxtx, theuntamed, wangxian, weiwuxian, weiying

Status: 16 parts, complete

Gege ai ni! {MDZS Chatfic} by 陈文鑫 CWX (@/Chen_Wenxin)

Summary: COMPLETED ✔️ 《MDZS BOYS Chatfic》 *Pending for extras...... Starring in the main chat: • Jiang Cheng • Wei Wuxian • Lan Wangji • Xue Yang • Song Lan • Xiao Xingchen • Nie Huaisang • Wen Ning • Jin Zixuan OOC? Yes... Definitely! It's modern now! Happy laughing! 。。。 Main pairing: Xicheng Side pairing: Wangxian, Xuexiao, Xuanli, etc... 。。。 {ADDITIONAL TAGS} cuz why not: homeboy huaisang , lwj slays , lwj bullies jc for being a clown , lxc is confused but he got the spirit , jc just wants his huan-ge , sassy bbg xingchen , girlboss yanli , jzx is being bullied but no one cares , everyone is an idiot , someone save wen ning from this circus , xuexiao is the cutest , wangxian is the coolest , when will xicheng fucking get together , cat memes

Tags: comedy, gdc, jiangcheng, jiangwanyin, jinguangyao, jinzixuan, lanhuan, lanwangji, lanxichen, mdzs, modaozushi, moxiangtongxiu, mxtx, niehuaisang, niemingjue, songlan, thegrandmasterofdemoniccultivation, wangxian, weiwuxian, weiying, wenning, xiaoxingchen, xicheng, xuexiao, xueyang

Status: 39 parts, complete

The Closest three in the world by moonlit_dewdrops (@/moonlit_dewdrops)

Summary: After the Sunshot Campaign, Yanli sees how badly Wei Wuxian is coping and shirking his responsibilities, causing Jiang Cheng to become agitated at his brother as he's doing his best to rebuild Lotus Pier but not without worrying about him at the same time. So being the best sister in the world, she comes up with a solution by tying their wrist together with a spiritual energy-infused ribbon, forcing them to stay together (quite literally) As the two brothers learn to work together and cooperate, the Jiang siblings find out much more than they bargained for about their brother.

Tags on Wattpad: cql, family, familyfeels, fix-it, mdzs, ptsd, theuntamed, yunmengsiblings

Status: 10 parts, complete (AO3 version has additional story feat. 5 extras)

Wattpad AO3

First - LXC x JC fanfic by HaiRyuuKi (@/HaiRyuuKi)

Summary: Lan Xichen met a youth full of determination and justice. He was attracted at the first sight. He fell in love at the second sight. And so, at the third sight, he...

Tags: cnovel, danmei, gdc, grandmasterofdemoniccultivation, jiangcheng, jiangwanyin, lanhuan, lanwangji, lanxichen, lanzhan, mdzs, modaozushi, moxiangtongxiu, mxtx, weiwuxian, weiying, xicheng, yaoi

Status: 15 parts, complete

[nothingtherefornow]

Do you think Jin Kazama fucked up in Tekken 6 and activelly seek redemption in Tekken 8 ?

That's two opinions that diverge reguarding Jin's character, wether his war spreading action during Tekken 6 were justifiable or not, and whether he really protected the world from a bigger threat or if he committed atrocities for nothing in the end despite what we could beleive to have been noble intentions.

After reading those two opinions, I concluded two things :

First , Jin was truly convinced that he was committing short-term harm for long-term good, and most certainly hoped that he would be killed along with Azazel, and perhaps hoped that fighters of Lars Alexander's caliber would be enough to put an end to the threat that Kazuya represents if the latter decides to set out to conquer the world right after (which he will do from Tekken 7). But on top of that, Jin may have wanted to get rid of his devil gene unfortunately more than he truly cared about the loss of innocent lives in the process, probably due to the influcence of Devil.

Second, Jin's plan indeed failed, because Azazel's spirit survived, and is threatenign to resurect through Zafina's body who tried to have the demonic entity's spirit sealed into her left arm, only to realize that she is slowly, but surely losing control of it. Both Zafina and Jin didn't foresee this terrible outcome, yet it makes it will make it seem that all the sins Jin's comitted, in the hope that humanity would still be protected despite the death count, were for nothing.

And this is why Tekken 8 may be the chance for Jin to atone for his actions in Tekken 6, which he guenuinly regret according to his bio for the game : "Jin swore to end Kazuya's reign of terror in order to atone for the war and destruction he had caused"

Jin is even willing to die in order to stop Kazuya, which could be seen as Jin thinking that He himself also deserves to die for his crimes in Tekken 6

Yet I can't help but imagine Jin's reaction once Zafina manages to meet him again with Xiaoyou and Claudio's help, and she tells him that his fight against Azazel didn't killed the demonic entity, and thus that the crimes he had committed to protect the world from a bigger threat may actually have been for nothing.

I beleive Jin is gonna be devastated once he learns that, and focus even more and killing both Kazuya and himself in the process in order to "atone" (Although I personally beleives that living with what he did would a more efficient way for Jin to atone).

Overall, even though Jin's intentions are understandable, his logic is terribly flawed. Azazel wasn't a direct threat, with more time Jin could have and should have at least tried to seek another way to awake the entity and destroy it, and only use WW3 as a desperate last resort (the short time frame between Tekken 5 and Tekken 6 doesn't seem to indicate that Jin searched for others "solution" to get rid of Azazel and his Devil gene when he was the Mishima Zaibatsu's dirigeant).

And in Tekken 8, Jin is still focused on killing Kazuya, thinking that both himself and his father should not live, despite the fact that Jin's mother mother asked her son to "save himself and Kazuya" according to the trailers

In my opinion I think Jin blindly sees the Devil Gene as the cause of all the evil and tragedies in the world, yet I believe his judgement is clouded by his own trauma.

In Tekken Bloodline, Heihachi makes Jin thinks that Ogre attacked Jun and her son because the entity felt the power of the Devil gene inside of Jin (yet we know Ogre especially seeked strong powerfull opponents, and Jun was one of them). Who know if Jin weren't fed the same lies and semi-truth by his grand-father in canon ? And on top of that Tekken Bloodline also showed us Jin learning a lot of negative things about his father, from crimes Kazuya committed between Tekken 1 and Tekken 2 and which were listed, Kazuya being called a demon by Heihachi himself, and Paul Phoenix confirming to Jin that Kazuya was “a real bastard” for whom “winning wasn’t enough, he had to hurt”. again, who know if Jin hadn't learn those things during Tekken 3 and before Tekken 4.

And then in Tekken 5 after seeing Jinpachi possessed by an world threatening demonic evil entity, Jin once again came to the conclusion that the Mishima's blood was truly a world level dangerous curse that the world would be better off without. What Jin didn't know though, is that the demon who possessed Jinpachi had nothing to do with the same Devil gene that both Kazuya and Jin carry, and he was unaware that the devil gene wasn't actually a the Mishima's curse, but the Hachijo's curse.

And Jun made the mistake of never telling Jin about Kazuya. As a result, Jin developed the idea that his father was born monstrous, perhaps without knowing that it was Heihachi's horrible actions that led Kazuya to the path of evil, and that with more tim with Jun's influence, Kazuya may have been able to find salvation for his soul.

Jin thus cannot see that the true causes of all the tragedies surrounding his life don't specifically come from the existence of the devil gene, but rather from Heihachi's ambitions and own violent and abusive actions toward his own family.

Had Heihachi not weaponized the Zaibatsu mishima and imprisoned his own father to let him die, Kazumi would not have let her duty and mission trump her feelings towards her husband, who had indeed become a srious threat to the world through his actions (especially if the intro of Tekken 8 does indeed imply that The Zaibatsu Mishima may have been the origin to the loss of other exorcist clans which protected the world against demonic threats). Without Kazumi's death, Heihachi would not have thrown his son off a cliff, without which Kazuya would not have become the demon man that he is, without which Jin would not have been born in circumstances conducive to his development of the power and influence of the Devil gene within him.

[ceruleanwhore]

So now I'm psychoanalyzing Jin, I guess

WARNINGS: Spoilers and also TW for mentions of violence, murder, and suicide.

Ever since I started thinking about how maybe Jin isn’t actually the worst, maybe he’s just badly written, I’ve ended up kind of diving into psychoanalyzing him and now I think I can honestly say that I feel bad enough for him that I don’t dislike him anymore — he’s firmly in ‘poor little meow meow’ territory and I like pathetic men. But I just wanted to share some of that psychoanalysis here because I think y’all might appreciate it.

So I started with kinda inventorying his trauma and thinking through from what’s in the text what he would have lurking in his brain and, of course, there’s quite a lot. Growing up in abject poverty is traumatizing in and of itself, but he also had to watch his mom get sick and had to provide for them as best he could at a very young age since he couldn’t and, in the end, it wasn’t enough and she died. Then there’s the matter of learning the truth of who he is and who his father is and returning to the palace where he’d then stay and live among the same people who so violently hated his mother that they basically killed her, and then there’s Bloodstained Rose Day.

The thing with his parents, though, is that it isn’t just how he had to sit there and watch his parents fall apart and eventually die because of their doomed relationship, it’s also that day in and day out he gets to hear about how his parents never should have been together in the first place. It’s a sentiment that he internalizes so much that he makes Clause 99, and yet by saying that they never should have fallen in love, everyone is also saying that Jin never should’ve been born. Clause 99 is actually fucking depressing because it’s basically Jin saying that, if he could go back in time and prevent his parents from ever falling in love, he would, even though that would mean he wouldn’t exist. We also see this suicidal streak in Luke’s route with how his answer to that whole conflict is to just stand there and tell his brother to kill him.

I think this is largely fueled by guit, both in the case of the stuff with his parents and, more obviously, in the case of Layla’s death. I imagine that Jin might have felt responsible for his mother’s death since they were so poor and just by existing he required resources and could’ve felt like that contributed to her illness and death. There’s also the part where the king wouldn���t have spiraled the way he did if he never learned of her death from Jin and, especially since his mother did tell him to never go to the palace and he was disobeying her final request of him or whatever when he told the king the bad news, he probably blames himself for the late king’s decline. 

So what I’m seeing in terms of mental health is a bunch of PTSD and depression with passive suicidal ideation, but he doesn’t have the support system or tools to actually heal so he relies on unhealthy coping mechanisms, mainly alcohol and sex. I think that some of his biggest motivation is proving his value to himself and the people around him, like everything he does is more or less in an effort to somehow prove that his existence is worth it. It would probably be a massive internal conflict of guilt and self hatred vs. the desire to feel like, in spite of how things went for his parents, it was worth it for him to be born. We see in the story how hard he works and how valuable that work is as well as how he’s built relationships with his brothers and also takes the time and puts in the effort to get the people of Rhodolite to like him as well, and even goes so far as to try and help people from Obsidian too. 

I think the biggest example, though, is what he does in his route right after Emma arrives in the palace of forcefully inserting himself into her daily schedule by insisting on being her tutor. This annoyed me when I read it because it felt contradictory for Jin to do that after going to such lengths to avoid catching feelings and specifically trying to prevent any future Belles from falling in love with any future princes, and forced proximity is definitely bad for trying not to catch feelings for someone. However, if we think of it in this framework and consider it as a way he seeks to gain validation of his existence and worth, it makes sense because the very first thing he does is create a situation where she needs him to do exactly what he does. She passes Sariel’s test because all the questions were about what she saw when he was dragging her around town and shit but, more importantly, she then goes back to Jin and thanks him for his help and I think she even apologizes for resisting his intrusions, which is exactly the sort of validation I’m talking about.

I also think this seeking of validation is one of multiple contributing factors to his casual relationships with women. I believe it’s a combination of this desire for validation, a fear of commitment, self-soothing for all the trauma, and trying to ignore the part of him that does want the deeper intimacy of a real relationship by engaging in more casual physical intimacy. I also think that the narrative of Jin’s story takes all of those things and puts some combination of them in every interaction he has with Emma. He flirts with her when she first arrives because he wants to literally conquer his biggest fear and just fuck and dump her before he can catch feelings, he seeks validation by helping her, he goes to absurd lengths to create situations to allow himself to be around her while also trying to maintain distance to prevent feelings from developing. It all culminates in him admitting that he does want that deeper intimacy, overcoming that fear of commitment, and letting her in because he knows she’s a safe person who can give him that validation and help heal his trauma.

Now, I want to talk about Luke, Layla, and Bloodstained Rose Day. I think they tried to set up a parallel between Layla and Jin but never fully got there and the most we really get with that is how Luke is with interpersonal relationships and the part where these two are the only people he’s ever been close to. However, I do think it goes deeper than that because I think, if it were written better, Layla would be like a physical manifestation of Jin’s inner child. Just like how Layla was mortally wounded from the building collapsing and begged him to kill her in order to stop her pain, Jin’s inner child is still bleeding out somewhere inside him, begging for death just like her. I think that, when he pulled her out of that rubble and she was then bleeding out and asking him to kill her, he saw himself in her and slit her throat without hesitation, doing for her exactly what his inner child wishes he would do for himself. In the moment, I think it was more suicide than murder but then, after he did it, he then would’ve had this moment of realization that he just killed a child and that would begin the years of inner conflict about it and would contribute to stuff like his decision to make those graves.

So yeah, going through all of that psychoanalysis really helped me reach this conclusion that Jin doesn’t suck, he just isn’t written well and now I don’t hate him anymore, which is great. I just wish that the Ikemen games were better at handling their own characters because it fucking sucks that all of this and more is hidden in the text and they do nothing with it so he ends up coming across as an unlikeable dick. Especially since he is the first prince, I think it’s a real shame they did him so dirty when they had all the makings for a deep, complex, empathetic character.

[fantasyinvader]

I just watched a video by Cool History Bros that went over Romance of the Three Kingdoms, and something he said at the end stuck out. The decline of each kingdom was the result of each of it's virtues.

Wei was cunning and meritocratic, but it was taken over by Sima Yi. A better schemer took over. This would align with how the clues point to the Empire being under the influence of the Agarthans until Edelgard outplays them at the end of Flower. They think she's working for them, and her “ideals” come from the history they fed her. They're the source of her meritocratic outlook. Silver Snow is then about restoring the Empire to it's founding ideals, rejecting the influence of the Agarthans and what they stand for as they don't align with Confucian morality. It makes more sense for Thales to be Cao Cao than Edelgard, though Cao Cao's name is synomoumus with treachery in Chinese and the Flame Emperor reveal was meant to be seen as Edelgard betraying the player. So Edelgard is kinda both Cao Cao and Sima Yi, Wei and Jin together.

Shu was benevolent and merciful, but it lost due to blind loyalty to a weak leader. At his worst, Dimitri will lead the Lions to Gronder where they'll meet their end, all because of the blind loyalty to him. The fact that Liu Bei went from benevolent ruler to bloodthirsty avenger after Guan Yu's death could be seen as an inversion of Dimitri's arc.

Wu was big on family and lineage, but that eventually led to putting a tyrant on it's throne as well as nepotism. Claude and the Alliance learning the truth about the Elites, their ancestors, feels like a response to this as they realize how their families came into power. The alternative is for Claude to finish the job his ancestor could not do in Hopes.

[quoteablebooks]

Genre: Fiction, Young Adult, Historical Fiction

Rating: 4.5 out of 5

Content Warning: Blood, Colonisation, Death of parent, Fire/Fire injury, Gun violence, Racism   

Summary:

On the streets of White Roaring, Arthie Casimir is a criminal mastermind and collector of secrets. Her prestigious tearoom transforms into an illegal bloodhouse by dark, catering to the vampires feared by society. But when her establishment is threatened, Arthie is forced to strike an unlikely deal with an alluring adversary to save it—and she can’t do the job alone.

Calling on some of the city's most skilled outcasts, Arthie hatches a plan to infiltrate the sinister, glittering vampire society known as the Athereum. But not everyone in her ragtag crew is on her side, and as the truth behind the heist unfolds, Arthie finds herself in the midst of a conspiracy that will threaten the world as she knows it.

From the New York Times—bestselling author of We Hunt the Flame comes the first book in a hotly anticipated fantasy duology teeming with romance and revenge, led by an orphan girl willing to do whatever it takes to save her self-made kingdom. Dark, action-packed, and swoonworthy, this is Hafsah Faizal better than ever.

*Opinions*

This was another book that the hype on social media pulled me in. I mean, once I heard that this novel was about a tea house that also catered to vampires at night, it totally sounded like my type of book. I’ve never read anything from Hafsah Faizeal before, but know that there are a number of people who adored their first duology. I was not disappointed in the world of White Roaring that we are dropped into and the found family that Faizal makes you want to be a part of. 

This novel is divided into three parts and told by three POVs, Arthie, Jin, and Flick. The first part of the novel is getting to know the world that Faizeal created and our cast of characters. While this entire novel is set in White Roaring, Faizeal does give glimpses of other areas of the world, from the immigrant characters of Arthie and Jin, as well as other characters that are met throughout the novel, especially Laith. That made the world feel full and real instead of a set piece that these characters were moving through. I never doubted that the world was real and full of people. 

We are brought into the Casimir gang and the found family that Arthie created around herself after the colonization of her home country. Faizeal makes sure that the narrative spends a lot of time in Spindrift so that it is as important to the reader as Arthie and Jin since the main motivation of the plot is saving the establishment. You also get to learn the motivations and personalities of the three narrators, each with different traumas and motivations to agree to the heist at the Athereum. They each also have a skill set that we get to see how good they are in their particular roles so when the heist takes place we understand that they would be able to pull it off. This is the planning part of the heist. 

The second part of the novel is the heist itself, which I flew through when reading it. It is hard for me to say more without spoilers, but I feel as if it was written well and with enough hiccups that it made sense, win, lose, or draw.  

The third part of the novel is the fallout from the heist. When I got to this part I had to know that everything was going to go wrong because I knew that this was a duology. That being said, I did expect all the revelations that happened in the last part of this novel or how everything changed for every member of the Casimir crew. I never want to ask “When is the next book out” because I know how hard it is to write a novel but I will be pre-ordering the last book as soon as possible. 

While this is not a mystery, a lot of the characters are things in their past that are slowly revealed throughout the narrative, Arthie more than anyone else. Faizeal gives enough foreshadowing and hints throughout the novel so that when the reveals happen, they feel earned. The only issue I had at the end of the novel was that some of the conclusions that Arthie jumped to felt a little too far from what we had been shown, something I didn’t feel in the rest of the novel. It was a slight annoyance, but it did stop it from being perfect. 

The settling of this novel, especially Spindrift, really helps pull the reader into the world. When I tell you that if someone made a Spindrift replica anywhere in the world I would travel there as soon as I possibly could, that is not an exaggeration. The tea room is described visually, but also in terms of smell and warmth in a way that makes it almost magical. Faizeal also describes every area of the world in a way that the reader is never left wondering about the area that the characters are inhabiting or how the world could be utilized by the narrators. 

The way that vampires and magic inhibit this world is also very interesting. Faizeal thought through how vampires would be created, what would kill them, and how magic worked in a rather low-magic setting. White Roaring is more of a gas-light fantasy setting, but there are hints that that is not the case in the rest of the world. My favorite part of vampire lore I can’t add because it is a spoiler, but I found it fascinating and the reveal of it was so well foreshadowed in the novel that I had picked up on it while reading, but not what it meant.  

The characters really shine in this novel. They are complex and each felt like people outside of the narrative that we are meeting them during. Even the side characters such as Laith and Matteo felt real outside of the events of the story. Jin is my favorite with his charisma that hides numerous fears and worries. However, I think that Flick goes through the most impressive and subtle character arc that felt extremely earned. Arthie is a woman who tries so desperately to hide all her emotions behind a shield of intelligence and vengeance because underneath it all she is scared and broken. While Jin and Arthie both do things that could be considered mortally grey, I think it is done in a way that is complex, which can’t always be said about characters given that label. Laith and Matteo have their own desires and traumas that dictate how they act in a way that makes perfect sense. 

The only part of this novel that feels YA, in my opinion, is the romantic tension, especially between Flick and Jin. Don’t get me wrong, I loved every minute of it from every character that had it, but the forefront it had in the characters’ minds was really the only thing that delineated this as a YA novel in my mind. The lines between Arthie and her two love interests, especially at the end of the novel, really took me out. I am not sure if I want her to end up with either one of them, but damn they have chemistry. I also can’t stop thinking about the line “Every good love story starts with a bullet to the heart” and how Faizal didn’t forget about it either. I just…I need to know how this all ends!

Overall, I really enjoyed my time with this novel and it is a 4.5 rounded down to the 4. My biggest complaint is that I felt as if the ending was slightly rushed, but I am sure when I have the second book in my hands if written like this, it will be a 5-star series. I also think it will be one that I will want to reread again as soon as I finish to see if I can pick up all the clues that were left along the way. I highly recommend this novel. 

[agentcable]

Mouse (2021) Ep. 20 Recap

Ba-Reum decides to turn himself in and complete a final mission that only he can do. Hong-Joo reveals her long-held secret on her last show with Hee-Jin, a woman who was actually a secret agent working for Choi Young-Shin in a large private organization.

If you want to watch the series for yourself, stop reading! This post contains spoilers to the storyline.

Episode 20 is the longest chapter of the series, lasting 1 hour and 40 minutes. It is essentially a film, but it appears that we are on track to receive some substantial answers.

Ba-Reum confronts Choi Young-Shin in her apartment. She mentions the rejected abortion bill, which started her crusade. She convinced Daniel Lee to use the fetuses as evidence to prove the psychopath gene. The Soo-Ho situation was a mistake that completely destroyed the man. He never intended to go that far and was wracked with guilt over what happened. Ba-Reum's actions caught her off-guard. However, she continued to monitor him through the OZ organization. She realized that it would be easier to pass the bill if he accumulated more deaths. Choir admits that she is a scientist with the ultimate goal of creating a utopian world free of psychopaths, which she refers to as the "Land of OZ". Ba-Reum having heard enough, holds a gun to her head. She demands that he fire, stating that those with the psychopath gene deserve to be killed.

Meanwhile, Moo-Chi arrives at the house and finds Choi tied up and alive in the closet. Ba-Reum decides against killing her and leaves. The police will arrive and take her away with this information. Moo-Chi listens to his voicemail and hears Bong-Yi heading off on the hunt while Ba-Reum is still on the run.

Ms. Kim took Bong-Yi to keep her safe in case OZ kidnapped her. Ba-Reum shows up in the rain, and they come face to face. Bong-Yi swings a knife frantically, trying to kill the murderer. Ba-Reum sidesteps her and drops to his knees, pleading with her to allow him to hand himself in and justice to be served. Bong-Yi almost pierces Ba-Reum's face, but she remembers that he killed Deok-Soo for her and stops. She drops the pole and walks away, leaving Ba-Reum to live his life in regret. Eventually, Ba-Reum turns himself in to the police.

The crowd is enraged and bloodthirsty as they watch him head into the station, crying out in agony. Hong-Joo worked with Daniel Lee after finding him in Yo-Han's basement. Daniel Lee is brought in for questioning, but he remains silent at first. He convinces Yo-Han's mother to visit Ba-Reum, who happens to be her biological son. She confesses that they switched babies. She reveals this to Ba-Reum. Sung Ji-Eun was convinced that her son was responsible for what Soo-Ho did to Jae-Hoon's family, which prompted her to search for him. His "aunt" found him first and changed his ID and name. She searched everywhere for Ba-Reum but failed. The serial killings badly affected her, and she instinctively knew he was responsible.

After the surgery, she realized he was different and couldn't bring herself to kill him. She is clearly grieving, and Seo-Joon's mocking comments about having a child only make it worse. He calls the child a mini "Head Hunter".

Moo-Chi returns to the prison and confronts the Head Hunter, discovering the truth about Ba-Reum's lineage. He calls the man dumb and mentions Choi Young-Shin, wiping the smile off the Head Hunter's face as he curses the scientist. In subsequent flashbacks, we learn that Yo-Han conducted a DNA test and discovered his true identity. He did not kill Ji-Eun but did knock her out long enough to escape and find Ba-Reum. In the present, Ji-Eun refers to Yo-Han as her son while looking out at the sea.

The situation becomes desperate when Ba-Reum's aunt goes missing, as she has crucial evidence linked to what happened with Ba-Reum. He implores Goo-Reum to do his best to find her.

Detective Lee Min-So is also missing. The group has a difficult 48-hour window before Choi is free to go, now that she has been arrested. The window has been moved up to the present moment. Choi's arrest warrant was rejected, and she is now free to go. Hong-Joo quickly exposes Choi Young-Shin an the OZ organization with damning evidence during her show. Daniel Lee testifies, an Ms. Kim also appears. Lee Min-So managed to keep her safe from Choi's goons. Ba-Reum confesses, and Sherlock Hong-Joo blows the case wide open with photos of victims and audio evidence of Choi incriminating herself and claiming the number of victims isn't enough. This is sufficient for her to be arrested and face her crimes.

Yo-Han, on the other hand, is completely cleared of any charges due to several confession from the victims and a video of him sobbing. Since psychopaths do not display this type of emotion in private, it is enough for him to be let off the hook. Hong-Joo confesses to working with Daniel Lee to have Ba-Reum kill Deok-Soo and admits to killing someone 26 years ago when she was a child and led Soo-Jung out to a car. Duk-Seok arrests Hong-Joo symbolically, and she apologizes for her involvement before being taken away in handcuffs. OZ organization will be thoroughly investigated and taken down for prioritizing personal greed over the well-being of the people. Ba-Reum's court case has resulted in a unanimous decision for him to spend the rest of his life in isolation, with execution scheduled for an unspecified time in the future.

Six months later, Ba-Reum is led out through the yard, and the Head Hunter notices a change in his eyes. Ba-Reum appears cold and heartless, showing no remorse for his actions. He comes face to face with his father, who claims they have superior genes and tells Ba-Reum to maintain the look in his eye. As his father steps forward for a hug, Ba-Reum repeatedly stabs him with a knife, letting the man bleed out on the floor. Moo-Chi had planned all along to enter and eliminate the Head Hunter. He convinced Dong-Goo to allow him entry. Symbolically, he cuts off the Head Hunter's head, which is what he had threatened to do earlier. Moo-Chi hears the news that Ba-Reum is in critical condition and could die soon. Du-Seok convinces him to visit Ba-Reum before he dies.

Ba-Reum apologizes and shows emotion in his eyes. Moo-Chi criticizes the boy, expressing his unforgiving attitude towards him. Moo-Chi advises him to assist the victims' families and Ba-Reum tearfully admits missing Bong-Yi. The girl, burning with anger, demands that he suffer the worst fate imaginable. Ba-Reum tells Bong-Yi that he hopes to be born as an ordinary human being in his next life.

Interestingly, he finds himself back in a church, a throwback to his moments as Jae-Hoon when he prayed that he was not a monster. Symbolically, he sits with his younger self and tells him that he is no longer a monster. This eventually serves as the end of Ba-Reum, who dies in extreme pain and misery for his sins.

Three years later, despite protests from the people, Choi is granted a pardon from prison. The Blue House apparently did this as a way of granting a union in the future. However, when she arrives at the parking garage, the driver stops the car and brandishes a knife. Meanwhile, Hong-Joo and Moo-Chi sit together and apologize to one another. Moo-Chi eventually returns to the prison to say his final goodbyes, visiting Ba-Reum's gravestone.

[richincolor]

I'm looking forward to compiling a list of books to read this summer, and here are three that caught my eye. What summer releases are you looking forward to?

The Shadow Sister by Lily Meade Sourcebooks Fire

Sutton going missing is the worst thing to happen to Casey, to their family. She’s trying to help find her sister, but Casey is furious. And she can’t tell anyone about their argument before Sutton disappeared. Everyone paints a picture of Sutton’s perfection: the popular cheerleader with an entourage of friends, a doting boyfriend, and a limitless future. But Sutton manipulated everyone around her, even stole an heirloom bracelet from Casey. People don’t look for missing Black girls--or half-Black girls--without believing there is an angel to be saved.

When Sutton reappears, Casey knows she should be relieved. Except Sutton isn’t the same. She remembers nothing about while she was gone—or anything from her old life, including how she made Casey miserable. There’s something unsettling about the way she wants to spend time with Casey, the way she hums and watches her goldfish swim for hours.

What happened to Sutton? The more Casey starts uncovering her sister’s secrets, the more questions she has. Did she really know her sister? Why is no one talking about the other girls who have gone missing in their area? And what will it take to uncover the truth? -- Cover image and summary via Goodreads

A Guide to the Dark by Meriam Metoui Henry Holt

You can check out of Room 9, but you can never leave.

The Haunting of Hill House meets Nina LaCour in this paranormal mystery YA about the ghosts we carry with us.

Something is building, simmering just out of reach.

The room is watching. But Mira and Layla don't know this yet. When the two best friends are stranded on their spring break college tour road trip, they find themselves at the Wildwood Motel, located in the middle of nowhere, Indiana. Mira can't shake the feeling that there is something wrong and rotten about their room. Inside, she's haunted by nightmares of her dead brother. When she wakes up, he's still there.

Layla doesn't see him. Or notice anything suspicious about Room 9. The place may be a little run down, but it has a certain charm she can’t wait to capture on camera. If Layla is being honest, she’s too preoccupied with confusing feelings for Mira to see much else. But when they learn eight people died in that same room, they realize there must be a connection between the deaths and the unexplainable things that keep happening inside it. They just have to find the connection before Mira becomes the ninth.

Guardians of Dawn: Zhara by S. Jae-Jones Wednesday Books

Magic flickers. Love flames. Chaos reigns.

Magic is forbidden throughout the Morning Realms. Magicians are called abomination, and blamed for the plague of monsters that razed the land twenty years before.

Jin Zhara already had enough to worry about—appease her stepmother’s cruel whims, looking after her blind younger sister, and keeping her own magical gifts under control—without having to deal with rumors of monsters re-emerging in the marsh. But when a chance encounter with an easily flustered young man named Han brings her into contact with a secret magical liberation organization called the Guardians of Dawn, Zhara realizes there may be more to these rumors than she thought. A mysterious plague is corrupting the magicians of Zanhei and transforming them into monsters, and the Guardians of Dawn believe a demon is responsible.

In order to restore harmony and bring peace to the world, Zhara must discover the elemental warrior within, lest the balance between order and chaos is lost forever.

[freewilllife]

Just like Hak questioned, I wonder if Soowon really has no better way, such as house arresting the king. He is better at enduring anger than anyone else. Was Soowon really enraged and killed the old king? Why talk to him alone? To recreate the scene where the king killed Yuhon or to assassinate in secret? Or maybe the old king committed suicide to fulfill the prophecy? I still want to know the truth of that night. I'm waiting for an explanation as much as Hak.

How long do you think would it take for King Il´s allies to free him? Soo Would would have most likely be punished officially...Soo Won might have to pay either with his life or banished.

King il would have never listened to Soo Won...he knew...he knew, what was happening and he still did nothing. He would have rather brought down the whole country than giving up on his agenda.

Also...Soo Won had barely any allies...Merely the Sky Tribe soldiers...But the other tribes would have not listened to him. How long did it take until the different tribe leaders were able to trust Soo Won? I think about 1/4 of the given manga?

Then there was also little time...Soo Jin might have delayed his revolt until there was a weakness of the king...He was a big weak point in the given situation. Tae Jun would have never tried to learn from his mistakes without the pain of losing Yona ect...

And the dragon warriors would have not come to Yona...In the secure castle Yona would have no need for them. I do think that if Yona had not seen and experienced all those situations, she might have been far weaker...

I really do think that King Il´s death was a pretty certain thing. After all, not even he tried to prevent it.