#adult child problems
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Any other former children wanna talk about the things our parents told us that we wouldn't realize was pretty messed up/completely totally incorrect until we were adults??
I'll go first:
My mom, the stable one of my parental set and eldest of six irish-catholic kids, used to say "After the age of 25 you're not allowed to blame your parents for your life anymore! You're an adult now and you have to take responsibility for your own life."
Which, like, sounds rgood in a vacuum? And is maybe even, to give the lady some credit, a teensy-weensy bit true? (Especially when my helpless father is taken into consideration.) Because assuming responsibility for one's own bullshit is a super important thing to do if one ever wants to properly perform stability and independence.
The problem here is that this logic completely ignores the generational trauma, while both absolving the guilty parties and placing the blame for lingering emotional damage onto the traumatized person. And that is fucked up.
Yall. I'm three years deep into weekly AEDP therapy and I am still learning that [refers to note cards] "It Is Okay To Be Upset About Your Childhood And Hold Your Parents Responsible For Your Lingering Emotional Damage Even If Your Parents Tried Their Best And Were Generally Upstanding People."
Repeat after me: It's okay to be angry at your parents for how things turned out. It is okay to be low-contact or no-contact with those same people who tried their best, especially if they won't change despite your best efforts to change with them.
Because guess what buckaroo? That's what taking responsibility for your adult life looks like: it looks like protecting yourself from people who would do you harm. Whether or not the people intend to or willfully inflict harm on you does not factor into this equation.
#ok your turn#adult children#millenials#generational trauma#undoing generational trauma#difficult parents#mental health self care#going low contact#going no contact#adult children supporting adult children#breaking the cycle#the cycle breakers club#millenial problems#adult child problems#adult children of parents with mental illness#things i learned in therapy#therapy#thank goodness for therapy#things i'm learning#aging parents#care and feeding of boomers#how to have aging parents#so your parents are boomers#text post
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seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything
#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out#i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity#but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed#at the thought that others might want to see me working#if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do#catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries#for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk#not in the slightest#but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior#that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation#this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age#and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative
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if we should protect children because they are vunerable, this means you would protect cruel children who bullies people who different than them then. the children who responsible to trauma for someone else's entire years
You're assuming that "protecting" children is the same as absolving them of responsibility and that's not what I said. All children are vulnerable, because all children are children; they don't come out of the womb with a perfectly working moral compass anymore than they come out of it waiting to hurt people--they're vulnerable because their understanding of the world is entirely at the mercy of what we, as adults, consistently tell them and show them. Children behaving cruelly aren't exempt from that--they learn that cruelty from somewhere, or someone. Your job, as the adult, is to make sure they understand that it's unacceptable so it will not happen again--but your job is also to ask why someone that young is behaving this way to begin with, so you can ensure they become better.
"Protecting" kids is not ignoring when they hurt or torment others, it's not refusing to teach them consequences or right from wrong, it's not "zero tolerance" policies in schools that treat a child being bullied and the child bullying them as equal instigators, and it's certainly not protecting them from recognizing, and atoning for, the pain they have caused someone else. You don't have to make peace with the now-adults who hurt you when you both were kids, but you cannot let the horrors of your own childhood impact how you treat or respond to the children living theirs around you right now, either.
You don't protect kids so they can get a free pass for bullying or tormenting another child. You protect them because kids are impulsive, emotionally reactive, and profoundly social (which means deeply impressionable) human beings who are still learning & processing insane amounts of information every day about what it means to be alive, to be alive as yourself, to be alive as yourself with other people. Protecting them is realising that you can't isolate the responsibility of a 10 year old from the bigger responsibility of the literal grown adults around them, adults who are in charge of teaching them about the world and how to behave in it. Whether you have children of your own in the future or not is completely irrelevant to this; we all become those adults eventually--no matter what happened to us as kids.
#ask#Anonymous#i dont want to keep repeating myself on this but we're all carrying fucked up and traumatizing childhoods to some extent and if you want to#spare another child going through the same thing the solution is not to hate on children bc they didnt ask to be born any more than the res#of us did. but they're here now and what are you going to tell them while they are?#what kind of an adult and what kind of a compass are you going to become for them during the time they're learning about being alive?#and if you decide its not your problem the minute this child says or does something fucked up and that they're a lost cause at the age of 8#bc their impulse control is shitty and their empathy & understanding is still buffering then that is part of the problem. they learn what#they're doing is okay and then they keep doing it--to other kids and years later other adults. our world is fucked up and makes fucked up#people and if you have it in your ability to limit that damage at its most formative and dangerous point then why wouldn't you?#notes from elsewhere
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One of the many tragic aspects of Mikuni's character is that if he were to prevent the affair from happening, misono wouldn't be born.
With that being said, the reason why he would want to be misonos' father becomes simple. It's because that's the only way to prevent the affair from happening, and still make sure his little brother is born.
I mean, someone's gotta do it. (Im sorry lmao)
Im thinking he goes back in time, offers Hokaze to marry him to solve the money digging issue, meaning she wouldn't have to go after his father. Preventing the affair, preventing his mothers death & countless others, while also making sure misono still gets born eventually, except it's as his.. and Hokaze's son.
...yeah
And this might be the first time you'll find me not rooting for him.
#i mean i STILL am just not THAT plan#to give himself to an adult he knows is responsible for the problems in his life as a way to prevent those problems??#yeah no that would be the death of me#why am i posting this? because i dont like the “Mikuni had a childhood crush on her” allegations#sorry not sorry#they just dont do justice to the story in my humble opinion#also do you realise how young he was at the time of the affair? he was like YOUNG YOUNG and yes he was mature for his age but lets not#servamp#servamp manga#mikuni alicein#alicein misono#anyway#i also think that part of the reason is because of the situation he was put in as a child where he had to parent him#bc Kiriko was mentally unstable and mikado...is mikado#but that's another conversation#also its late at night so pardon the unprofessionalism#not that im sure its a word or that i was ever professional to begin with#honestly these tags can be a whole new post on their own lol
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Where's my unhinged Sun?
And not in a murder, manipulation yandere way.
I mean in a constantly screaming, foot in mouth, horribly passive aggressive, can't hide his emotions crying if a music shaker knocks over kinda way.
This man couldn't manipulate his way out of a paper bag.
His daycare only has ONE rule because he has no boundaries with anything and is just desperate for attention to be on him.
Where's my unhinged Sun?
The Sun that screams at you.
The Sun who, is very forward in his actions about what he wants even if he doesn't explicitly explain himself. (Constantly grabbing Gregory if he moves one foot away from him cus he doesn't want him to find the security desk or turn the lights off or leave his sight)
The Sun that throws children out of the Daycare if they piss him off to literally die.
He has the mental stability of a fainting goat.
I do think these traits are just a result of being abandoned for so long....
But I just think that he's always had these issues. So even if the story takes place before or after the events of Security Breach, I do think he should still exhibit some of those behaviors. Even if to a lesser extent.
I think the idea steamed from, "oh he works with children so he's good at manipulating kids to do what he needs them to do" hahahaha... No he's not. He can't hold Gregory in place for five seconds before he gets ignored and Gregory goes awall. And the messages in the dufflebags claim kids are scared of Sun as well as Moon. It's both of them.
Everytime I see Sun act with some level of level of passive agressive master manipulation like he's Kira or something....
Cool characterization. Appreciate it. Like to see a new side of him cus there's not much to work from in the games.
Not my Daycare Attendent tho.
#fnaf#let Sun just be terrible at his job and with people lol#not to knock people who write Sun that way#i have no problem with him being petty over things thats normal#what i take issue with is Sun having any idea how to phycologically manipulate a full grown adult let alone a child#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf sun#sundrop fnaf#danachan's rants#just my opinion tho i like a lot of those stories to see another side of him#but it feels ooc for how hes portrayed in the game to me
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ngl chilchuck age discourse feels like it’s getting way too close to the idea of being “minor coded”
like yeah, he looks younger than he is but he’s also married, is considered a veteran at his job, has 3 daughters who are all working age, etc.
a real world example would be… uh… me?
i am 22 i turn 23 later this year and according to most people i still look 16
but also i’m a senior in college i have a car and an apartment with my name on the lease i’m responsible for my own debt and i live in a separate city from my parents and any other family members (i have for the past 4 years) and i’m doing just fine taking care of myself
are you saying that despite me being an adult that i should be treated like a teen because i look like one?
#infantilizing adults just bc they are small or baby faced gets on my damn nerves#chilchuck#chilchuk tims#the narrative presents him as an adult#the problem with the ‘1000 year old demon in a child’s body’ is that the narrative presents them as essentially a kid still#meanwhile in canon it’s Weird to treat chil like a kid#dunegon meshi
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Sansa sketch WIP with some color tests (I don't care what GRRM wrote, I am forever and always a freckled Sansa truther)
#asoiaf art#my art#my artwork#sansa stark#got art#asoiaf fanart#got fanart#art wip#wip#drawings#sketchbook#house stark#if you can hear faint screeching it's me realizing that i have to mirror that pattern on the other fabric panel#I have a detail problem#and i'm going to make that everyone else's problem#i've been trying to focus on drawing in a more stylized way and worry less abt the realism#design somewhat inspired by my deep and abiding love for circassian clothing#this is definitely at least an adult sansa- probably the Sansa from Winter's Child#that was the intent while drawing it at least#but could just be post-canon Sansa if you want#this is honestly what my whole sketchbook looks like#a nice clean(ish) drawing#next to a collection of incoherent scribbles and color/pen tests
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I don't debate who would've won when Terry was about to throw hands with Robby at the S4 AVT, because the image of The Terry Silver consistently feeling threatened enough by this three apples tall ball of childhood neglect and anger issues, to treat him the same as his main adult enemies (squaring up, making a point of laughing him off like "look how not threatened I am by you") is too hilarious to be a practical question.
In the story of Terry Silver, his biggest adversaries are a middle-aged New Jersey-Italian twunk, a barely functioning alcoholic, his own repressed homosexuality, a man who would rather go on a revenge quest on another continent for his old twink fling than confess his feelings for a woman, and a Literal Teenage Boy
#terry around 99% of the ck kids: these children are beneath me. they are my weapons to use and I can manipulate them with ease.#terry whenever Actual Child Robby is in the vicinity: I need to kill and humilate this kid. because he doesn't threaten me obviously.#terry look inside your heart and realise you're an idiot if your biggest adversaries are three barely functioning adults#a kid who has a ninth grade level of formal education and your big evil gay feelings for kreese#but genuinely it is so interesting to me that robby is someone that unsettles silver so much#that he responds in the same way he does to the adult threats to him and his plans#like beating a bitch up or making a whole song and dance of laughing them off#are things he's done to daniel (main obsession) johnny & chozen (physical threats and ties to kreese) and robby.#like it's so fun to discuss what it was about robby that tripped silver's internal alarms#enough to categorise robby as someone who is not just a problem but a threat to be dealt with#cobra kai#ck#robby keene#terry silver
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#narcissisticabuserecovery#adult child#inner child#psychology#psychiatrist#psychiatry#this has been a psa#little psa#important psa#childhood trauma#cptsd problems#living with cptsd#cptsd recovery#cpstd
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autism spectrum disorder is NOT a childhood developmental disorder. autistic folks' bodies don't just stop aging.
we we're born autistic and we will die autistic.
all autistics age our symptoms don't disappear when we turn 18.
our needs for support do not disappear when we turn 18.
lot of autistics get a lot of support decreased, sometimes completely.
luckily, we are in a disability program that supports youths and teens and adults. we are about to phase out of the youth program, and we will get similar in the adult support program. we we're supported in a mostly mental health way, but it was alters when we got diagnosed with ASD. now we have child, teen, and adults alters, but our body is an adult. we are a dependent adult. needing support in a lot of areas
autsitic children become autistic adults
disbaled children become disbaled adults
art credits - Mia Olofsson from Sketchify on Canva
#our posts#dependant#dependant adult#autism#autistic#asd#actually autism#actually autistic#autie#autism spectrum disorder#disabled#disability#disabled community#disability community#autism community#autistic community#autistic child#child with autism#autism spectrum#autism problems#autistic problems#being autistic#autistic spectrum#autistic adult#adult with autism#autism post#autistic post#autism posting#autistic posting#disabled adult
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I don't know how much more explicit the message of "THIS IS GROOMING" could have been without Be On Cloud superimposing it in all-caps text over every one of Non and his teacher's scenes. People interpreting that as "cheating" are cracked in the fucking head.
#dead friend forever#dff the series#barcode fucking killed those scenes!!! the desperation and discomfort and resignation!?!!#the fact that Non was textually terrified of dying at the hands of Tee's uncles gang unless he found that money#and once he accepted it and Keng held that power over him did he lean in to kiss him.#theres a reason that even universoty professors are fired for having relationships with their ADULT students.#because holding a position of institutional power over someone like that in a relationship is deeply deeply disfunctional and bad#do you think that if you were a child that felt they had literally nowhere else to turn. not to parents. or friends. or partner.#and a teacher said they would fix all your problems in a room with a closed door and kissed you.#you wouldnt feel obligated to kiss back and offer yourself up in exchange???#because what?? you're too moral??? you'd rather die???#THIS IS HOW GROOMING HAPPENS. ITS ADULTS SEEKING OUT THE MOST VULNERABLE PEOPLE IN THEIR CLASSES AND HOLDING SOMETHING OVER THEM.#IF I SEE ANYONE CALLING NON A CHEATER AGAIN I AM GOING TO KILL.#ITS STATUTORY RAPE. YOU THICK FUCKS.#KENG MADE HIM KEEP HIS SCHOOL UNIFORM ON. HE'S A FUCKING PEDOPHILE.#IM GOING TO KILL.#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOME OF YALL ARE THE STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKERS AROUND. YOURE STUPID. YOURE SO FUCKING DUMB. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD
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a genre of bg3 posts that are like 'larian did wyll so dirty!!! here's what they should have done instead and that is basically change everything abt his personality bc i personally can't understand how anyone can find him not boring as he is! larian get ur shit together!'
#wyll ravengard#like. go away??#if u suddenly can't stand earnest and morally good aligned characters when it comes to wyll#but are perfectly okay simping for say. halsin. who's also earnest and good.#then i think the problem is with u not wyll#i for one want more content for wyll as he is bc i like him as he is!#bc for me there's nothing boring abt a person who doesn't lose the goodness of their heart despite the horrors#if yall like jagged morally gray characters go like them! then wyll is just not for u! don't disguise ur absolute disinterest in him#with the consern for the way larian treated him.#i want him to have as much content as astarion. simple as that#yall want to make him into a different character who appeals to u personally. we are not the same#bg3#this is brought to u by the post i just saw that was like#'wyll should have become more jagged during his travels. and there must have been smth dark inside him to begin with'#'bc why would ulder and florric believe mizora over him otherwise??'#as if there must certainly be smth wrong with a child for the adults to treat that child badly#what a great message for the abuse survivors!#sorry lol it's just. tiring. being a wyll appreciator in this climate
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So. How exactly is Jonathan doing during the spy mission? I really need a nickname for him
He's not doing too great! :D
He's missing Freddie a lot, plus at the same time he's kinda glad Freddie ls away so that he could consider a response to an inevitable rejection. Which is kinda freaking his tentmates out since he's muttering to himself.
He's also very lonely, so he might start socializing after putting it off for very long since he didn't need to, in his opinion (Jonathan tends to keep his social circles rather small out of paranoia he might accidentally be neglecting the friendship with one of them)
He also lost his (signature) braid since he doesn't wanna bother people ("You're just wasting my wifes time with your senseless requests, boy!")
He's also starting to recieve letters from Annabelle and his father again, talking about how irresponsible his running away was (they finally managed to locate him to sent him berate-letters) so there's that....
Honestly I think he'd start getting closer to either Cathy or Giles, or trying to get closer, and just whining about everything that's been going on. After they left that awkward stage of "what should I say...?"
I mean the three could certainly bond over awful fathers.
He's also shivering a lot since mah boy was living in a hot blacksmith for the past years and he had his (high quality) cloak (which he stole from his father when he ran away btw) which he gave Freddie because "you can't die on my due to hypothermia" so he might start asking around if anyone has a spare and he also starts to wear his coat more often than in the other seasons
All in all he has very much a self doubt era where he's constantly overthinking if Freddie would follow Hammy and commit treason and stay with the rebels or if Freddie hates him now of if Freddie might not want to at least be his friend anymore and-
Plus he's starting to have a lot of regrets. Most of them aren't justified though.
Like, it was completely reasonable to leave before he trapped Annabelle in an unhappy marriage and it was also completely reasonable to leave a letter of explanation and it was also completely reasonable to kiss and confess to Freddie
But Jonathan doesn't know that
So he's just kinda drowning in self doubt and spiraling thoughts without an anchor to hold onto because he didn't even talk properly with other soldiers because "why should he? Freddie will always be with me and he's the only one who needs to know me" (bro is lowkey scared of forming new relationships - even when platonic)
Well
Now Freddie isn't here and Jonathan is hanging on by a thread.
(Meanwhile Freddie and Joseph are about to start strangling each other before the argument™️)
[ @hamalicious-soup @papers-pamphlet @marsfingershurt @paradox-complex @half-eaten-baguetteee ]
#noah rambles#amrev oc#amrev#redcoat alexander au#:3#noblefarm#bro is lowkey dependent on Freddie#that happens when every relationship you tried to form as a child gets torn down and prevented by your father#so you're now an adult and very scared of forming new relationships and the only reason you're still hanging onto Freddie is because#1- he's always been the best talking partner for *every* problem and self-doubt Jonathan had#and 2- he's known Freddie since he was a kid#they've gone through various life stages together (even if “together” is seeing each other briefly)#they know each other better than anyone else
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It’s very sad to see that despite Alicent being the orderly and mature one out of the two, it was Rhaenyra that truly knew what it meant to grow up. As Rhaenyra said, she had to make sacrifices while Alicent, when in time to face her consequences, seek to run and cower. I don’t like Alicent, but her talking to Rhaenyra felt so much like a child begging for someone to take her in.
#but that’s the problem isn’t it#she’s not really a child anymore#and she’s caused problems like a child does#but with the consequences of an adult#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd s2#hotd season 2#hotd spoilers#rhaenyra targaryen#alicent hightower
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Do you know where Yoda is in your Anakin-raises-Leia au?
Is he still chilling on Dagobah, with occasional visits from the X-many greats grandkids?
Did he see Anakin, Ahsoka, and (later) Obi-Wan trying to raise a baby and think Absolutely Not, they need Adult Supervision?
Did he choose to stay near Luke like OT Obi, but as a mysterious bog gremlin instead of sand wizard? is he punking any imperials that try to enter - think Shrek vibes
Is he taking advantage of the Vader free universe to go around looking for their lost padawans?
did he immediately retire to a vacation world, leaving saving the universe in his lineages' hands as he sips space piña coladas and watches the sun set?
Is he doing a mix of everything?
yeah he's pissed off to dagobah as per usual!! so yeah shrek vibes but on dagobah not naboo ): really not much difference, though Anakin and Leia do (carefully) visit a few times to get Jedi guidance or whatever! but yeah just bc vader isn't here doesn't mean yoda's 1. safe or 2. in a mental state to be a jedi after losing so many ppl he taught ): lad's in his depressed swamp boy summer
#tbh he probably EXTRA leaves n says 'into exile I must go. be my problem a child raised by Anakin will not be'#then anakin shows up anyway like uhhh master yoda idk how to teach leia /: shes too good at the mental force whats up w that#anakin (6'2) @ leia (5'1 as an adult): hey we're going to meet this little green guy he's gonna explain how to be okay with being short#'and teach you how to be a jedi i guess'#thanks for the ask!#skywalkers apart au
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There's a lot to be said about the lack of alternate Marcelines in the show so far, but I think a metaphorical meaning is the emotional distance between her and Simon in the Land of Ooo. Like, they spoke once before Simon left, and he explicitly told Finn that he's so far chosen not to clue her in on his depression. She's like the only person who can commiserate with Simon on how strange the modern Ooo is compared to the pre-Mushroom War times they were familiar with. However, he's got this compulsion to suppress his emotions, especially ones he views as negative. And she's finally in a good spot where she's really happy, how could he put his emotions on her now? That's his adopted daughter, dammit, he couldn't do that to her. What kind of a father puts those problems onto his child?
If I may theorize, I think his arc of overcoming his emotional suppression has to culminate with him finally telling Marcy how he feels.
#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#simon petrikov#marceline the vampire queen#if it's unclear the italicized text is what I imagine is going through Simon's head on the topic#i do see this compulsion with her as a huge dad thing#i think most good parents have a compulsion to not share difficult times with their kids bc it's an adult problem#it doesn't matter how old their child actually is. adult problem so the parents gotta handle it
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